This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t.

We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him desperate to get back with you, I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have!

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Well, I intend to give you plenty of value and cover off on some new ideas and tactics that you can put to use right now! Actual strategies that allow you to get him back without looking desperate.

This major guide is aimed at giving you practical and actionable ideas to accomplish just that.  This major Guide will be divided into 4 Major Parts, with many headings and an almost endless list of ideas and tactics you can put to use today!

So enjoy and reach out to me in the Comment Section if you have any questions about winning back your ex bf.

Part 1: Learning How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

What We Will Be Covering in this Get Your Ex Back Guide

    • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
    • 10 Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back To You
    • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex Bf
    • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
    • What To Do & What Not To Do to Make Him The Desperate One
    • What To Do If Your Boyfriend Cheated On You
    • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
    • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
    • How To Define Your Dating Goals
    • How No Contact Fits Into Your Ex Back Strategy
    • How To First Reach Out To Your Ex Boyfriend
    • How You Go About Finally Having The First In Person Meeting

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

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10 New Ways To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back As Quickly As Possible Without Looking Desperate!

1. Don’t Be In Such a Hurry To Try And Get Him Back – It’s a Mistake!

I know.  You are thinking to yourself, “look, I came here to find out the fastest way possible to get my ex boyfriend back where he belongs.  I have to have him back”.  But trust me, things are probably pretty crazy right now if you are just coming out of the breakup, so don’t make it worse by rushing through things, being overly impulsive , and doing or saying something you will regret later.

2. Keep a Journal – It Can Help You Deal Better With the Onslaught of the Break Up Emotions.

Right now is your time.  While your instincts are to obsess over your ex boyfriend and run through your mind over and over again as to what you did wrong, you have to stop thinking this way.  So what I want you to do is start writing down your vision of the future and what you want.  Don’t think so much about what happened in the past, but focus on what you are going to do to start healing.

3. Avoid The Temptation To Text and Call Him

I am going to warn you now.  You will be possessed by this intense desire to contact him.  If only you could talk to him, you think, you would just explain everything and all would be forgotten.  Well, it seldom works that way.  Chances are your efforts will be ignored which will just make you feel worse.  Or you will successfully reach your ex boyfriend and he and you will end up having a heated or disappointing conversation, leaving you feeling bad and rejected yet again.  It’s almost always a no win situation because neither one of you are well equipped right now to deal with your emotional states.  So just cool your heels and keep reading!

4. Become The Ungettable Girl Because That is Truly What Your Ex Boyfriend Wants – Even If He Doesn’t Know It Yet!

The best way to optimize your chances of getting your ex bf back is to become Ungettable Girl.  You want to increase your value in his eyes and also make it difficult for him to reach you, talk to you, and see you.  This is just a small part of becoming the Ungettable Girl.  It’s also about making yourself beautiful in his eyes from afar.  He can see you, but now it is at a distance (through Snap chat, Facebook, etc).   Slowly over time, your ex boyfriend will crave you and you will do things to ensure that he feels that craving every day by using little jealousy ploys and rumors and chance encounters.  Your ex boyfriend loves nothing more than a good chase – so give him one.

5. Understand How To Use Radio Silence To the Benefit of Your Ex Boyfriend

A lot of people think that when they implement Radio Silence (No contact) with their Ex Bf, that it is all about denying them or punishing them.  But that is not it at all.  It is really about allowing your Ex Boyfriend time to get over his anger and resentment and sort through his feelings.  Make no mistake, bitterness is usually just hovering over a break up couple and your guy might be holding on to his fair share. So allow for some space.  Once the ugly thoughts are out of his mind, the good thoughts and memories will eventually return as he will most assuredly start missing you, sometimes terribly.

6. Be Creative in Your Efforts To Attract Your Ex Bf

Sometimes you have to get creative to get through your ex boyfriend’s thick skull.  He may be one of those stubborn ones who figures that he will wait for you to make the first move. He might just need a stimulus.  Read about it in in #7 below!

7. Stay One Step Ahead of Your Ex Boyfriend

Consider picking up something that he doesn’t have.  It’s called “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” and is probably one of the finest ebooks I have written on this topic of ex recovery.  What better advantage is there than having a Companion Guide that helps you with just about any situation you might face.

8. Don’t Try To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Oddly enough, many of my clients were successful in re-establishing contact with their ex boyfriends by simply not even trying.  They didn’t do anything except move forward with their lives, focusing on bettering themselves personally and professionally.  In a way, it is a form of what I call Passive No Contact or Passive Radio Silence.  It works for some people.  They figure that if their boyfriend dropped them, then so be it and instead of becoming dependent and addicted to their ex boyfriend, they choose to embrace other things in their life, doing those things they want to do and accomplish. Then as they focus on those things and have success, often times their ex boyfriends show up realizing they made a huge mistake letting their girlfriend go.

9. Contact Me and Get Some Personalized Coaching

Sometimes the break up is so unique or troubling or complex, that it requires some specialized coaching.  Or sometimes, people do better if they can talk to someone who is an expert at helping folks with their relationship troubles.  Well, if you fall into that category, then you are in luck.  All you need to do is reach out to me (i.e. click Coaching Services in my website’s Menu Section) and I am sure we can work out something!

10. You Might Benefit From Joining My Private Facebook Group and/or Picking Up the Texting Bible

You know something is wrong if you are always crying or feeling bad about what has happened and you can quite get over it.  You also know it can be frustrating when you can seem to figure out what to text or what to say to your ex bf.  Well, the solution is you can join my Private Facebook Support Group and/or pick up your copy of the Texting Bible and get the emotional support and answers your need.

Using The  No Contact Rule To Lure Your Ex Boyfriend Back Into Your Arms!

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we get into some of the soul searching you will want to do or discuss serious strategies you will want to consider, let’s talk a bit about the advantages of  implementing  the no contact rule.  In Part 2 of this Guide, we are going to talk a lot more about this Principle.

But given its importance to your overall strategic aims, let’s discuss it’s role in the aftermath of a break up and how you can leverage it to your full advantage.

The No Contact Rule involves means you are not going to be  texting your ex, talking, and especially not  stalking your ex for about a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your boyfriend out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it.

Do you remember earlier when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The Reasons Why No Contact Works on Your Boyfriend After a Break Up

Reason #1: Helping You Get Through the Pain of What Happened Between You and Your Ex Boyfriend

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

Reason #2: Helping Your Ex Boyfriend Realize You Have Value and Should Be Missed

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.

Reason #3: Learning To Ignore Your Ex Bf Works in Your Favor When he is Angry or Resentful

He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

2 Special Cases Where You Have To Contact Your Ex Bf During No Contact

(Oh, just an FYI. I actually recently put together a massive book on the no contact rule. Check it out.)

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

Case 1: If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

Case 2: If You and Your Boyfriend Have Kids Together

The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

What Caused The Breakup Between You and Your Ex Boyfriend?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On What Your Ex Boyfriend Probably Thinks

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

5 Reasons Why Your Ex Boyfriend Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks and when your boyfriend decides he doesn’t want you anymore it just tears you apart from the inside out. I feel for you but don’t worry because we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex boyfriend gave you for why he chose to break up is really why he decided to let you go. This may sound a bit mean, but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

So, let’s get to it!

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

1. Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

2. You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

3. Your boyfriend’s emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

4. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.

5. Your Boyfriend Was Cheating on You So He Decide To End It With You

Sometimes guys will think they have just fallen head over heals for someone else.  But sometimes the truth is that it’s not love, bit just pure sex.  So you may be wondering, how will I ever get my ex back if he is hooking up with some other girl.  Well, we are going to get into all that, but for now, just know that sometimes boyfriends will wander off either because they are lured away or that just have not yet learned that they are risking blowing up the good thing they have going with you.

(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

5 Reasons Why Girls End It With Their Boyfriends (But Now You Want Him Back)

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

1. You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

2. You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

3. Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

4. You don’t feel attracted to your boyfriend anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

5. There was a big fight with him and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goals Helps You With Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

      • Saying you will die without him.
      • That he’s your whole life.
      • You’ll never find someone better.
      • Your not happy alone.
      • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

      • The breakup was a rash decision.
      • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
      • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
      • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

Part 2 – What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up as this is an extremely important section. Remember when we talked abut how you are going to implement the no contact rule for about a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

      • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebook communications or writing your ex boyfriend.
      • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
      • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
      • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
      • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

      • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
      • Staying home and not going out.
      • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
      • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
      • Making big life decisions.
      • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes Can Attract To Your Ex Boyfriend

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

6 Physical Changes You Can Make To Arouse Your Ex Boyfriend

1. You can change your hairstyle

I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

2. Get in shape

There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

3. Clean up your diet

Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

4. Update your wardrobe

I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

5. Clean up your smile

No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

6. Clean up any skin problems you have

If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes That Can Help You Regain Your Confidence And Feel Good About Yourself

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

5 Mental Changes You Can Make To Help You Cope With Your Ex Boyfriend Break Up

1. Focus on work and Recreation, Not Your Ex

It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

2. Renew a hobby

I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

3. Write in a journal

Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

4. Have fun

If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

5. Reconnect with friends

Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

To learn more about what other changes you can make during the no contact rule please check out my newest book,

The No Contact Rule Book

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)

This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word About using Radio Silence (No Contact) To Heal

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

 Part 3:  How Should You First Make Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting As Your Initial Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

Should You Call Your Ex on the Phone?

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter To Your Ex Boyfriend

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalker like and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.

What About Texting Your Ex Boyfriend

Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texting is the communication highway for today’s couples. You and your boyfriend probably texted each other all the time and rarely shared them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

The Game Plan Around Building Attraction With Your Ex Boyfriend

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

10 Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex boyfriend, there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Let’s take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient. Remember it is about making small, incremental moves and steps.  Together they build a tapestry of attraction.

The Best First Contact Text Message For That Stubborn Ex Boyfriend of Yours

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

(Quick Sidenote: If you want a much more in-depth look at the process of texting an ex boyfriend I encourage you to take a look at “The Texting Bible.”

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big Break Up No-No’s

      • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
      • You can’t get angry or upset.
      • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
      • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
      • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
      • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

      • You have to be positive
      • You have to be confident
      • Again, don’t expect anything.
      • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
      • The messages can’t be too long.
      • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

5 BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts You Shouldn’t Use on Your Ex Bf

      • One Word Texts-
      • “hey…”
      • “Hello”
      • “What’s Up”
      • “Hi”

You get the gist here I hope.

2 GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts That Gain His Attention!

1. For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

2. For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:


Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response From Your Ex

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

Remembering The Good Times With Your Ex Boyfriend

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

5 Big No-No’s When Composing Your Text Message For Your Ex Bf

      • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
      • You can’t get angry or upset.
      • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
      • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
      • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say To Him

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”


Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

2 GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response From Your Guy?

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

How To Use Jealousy Against Your Ex Boyfriend To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. It certainly was in my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

3 Key Rules When Employing Jealousy Against Your Ex Boyfriend

      • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
      • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
      • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy With The One Who Left You

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

5 Heart To Heart Text Conversations You Can Start With Your Ex Boyfriend

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

6 Important Things To Remember

      • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
      • You can’t get angry or upset.
      • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
      • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
      • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
      • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

Part 4: Taking THE Final Risk To Win Back Your Ex Boyfriend


Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan Is To Call him

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

8 Guidelines For Calling Your Ex Boyfriend

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

2 Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

So if you have worked hard to bring your ex boyfriend back into the picture and progress is being made on multiple communication fronts, then take an opportunity and drop him a little not.  Nothing over the top.  Nothing about making a relationship commitment. You don’t want to spook your ex bf. We will talk about that in another post.  Just something that cements you enjoyed yourself.  Keep it light!

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

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8,386 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Kelsey

    June 20, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    also, again I wanted to add that throughout all of this he keeps telling me “I don’t know the future” like he makes I out like there’s a future one minute and then there’s no chance of us being together again the next minute.

  2. Kelsey

    June 20, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    I just wanted to add to my previous comment that the other girl has a boyfriend that is my ex’s friend. he says he doesn’t like her and that he wasn’t there to see her but his best friend. but he also told me about six times that he didn’t like her when we broke up previously and he did.

  3. Kelsey

    June 20, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    hello. I’m at a complete loss at what I should do with my situation. to start off with my ex and dated for a little over two years, and about a year ago almost exactly we broke up for around four months. Prior to breaking up for roughy six months things had gotten really rough and we were fighting constantly. We were both miserable due to issues outside of our relationship and taking it out on each other and we were just faili to communicate in general. he is a very logical person who has a very hard time express emotions where I’m a very emotional person, I would even say over emotional. anyways, a few days or maybe a week a younger girl started hangin out with his friends and by proxy him. at this time i also had no idea we were actually broken up because he never formally told me. He was also still talking to me and telling me he loved me. as time went on I got more an more crazy thinking that something was going on between them and not knowing if he liked me or not. I’d make him meet up with me and talk about us and our relationship and I’d ask him about her all the time. Anyways as time went on he or more and more annoyed with me to the point of telling me to delete his number from my phone and that he never wanted to talk to me again. So I did and for two weeks I completely ignored him. He started calling me all the time and texting me and I just continued to ignore him until he involved my friends. Eventually we met up, talked and worked things out and he stopped seein the other girl (for the most part). anyways, as time went on we starte to have our issues come up, things weren’t as bad as before but it was still rough. And now I was having issues with him bein around that other girl because she’s his best friends wife’s sister and he’s basically family to them. anyways after so long he decided that we Shouldn’t date right now so we still talked and hung out a friends, we saw each other a little less but we still liked each other and to an extent treated each other like we were dating. As time went on though he had gotten more and more distant to the point were two months ago I had to ask him what wa going on. We got into a fight about it and he said something like I dot think we should date its unhealthy and he can’t handle anymore stress. When I aske how he fel about me he int want to answer but eventually said he felt the same way he always has. Even after that I couldn’t let it go and nagged at him and he finally said we are never ever going to date again. after this I left him alone completely he’d get ahold of me every so many days we’d talk a little bit then he’d stop talkin. Eventually I started texting him more and he seemed more interested we hung out a few times (he asked me). Now I know that during this time he still had feelings for me but he was trying to treat me only as a friend. Until this following week. Hes barely replying to me and i wait hours afor a text if i get one at all. And they are usually one word replys yet when he sees me at church he say hi gives me a hug and acts fine. He’s also been giving me rides on sudays to my mothers so i can get to work. This past weekend i saw that he was haning out with that girl and i ignored it until i found out that they both stayed over at his friends house and then she came to our hitch in the morning. That night when he gave me a ride I was so upset I brought everything up and he tried to explain that he’s treating me like a friend and that i can’t be upset with him for not hanging out with me or hanging out with her etc. eventually he made it clear that he was over me and said that he weighed the pros and cons of our relationship and the cons out weighed the pros and he just couldnt handle the stress so he made a decision as that was it he was over me. Thus why he was beig even more distant lately. I asked if he missed me at all and e said he doesn’t allow himself to think about that. He continue to tell me that I couldn’t rely on him the way I dd before etc. after awhile he said that it isn’t as easy as it seem for him, that he’s lonely and it’s kept him up at night but it just doesn’t work and he didn’t want to do this he had to. he said he still wand me in his life just not the same way. Now I haven’t talked to him in four days. I there any chance for us to figure things out?!? What should I do? Sorry this is so long just wante to give the full story.

    1. admin


      June 21, 2013 at 4:00 am

      Wow Kelsey,

      That was long but I am so glad you shared your story. I think I see your big problem! The good news is that with discipline, you can correct it.

      First though, I need you to understand that while I may be good at giving advice and recommending things I can’t guarantee that he is going to come back. All I can say is that I can improve your chances of getting him back.

      Alright, your biggest problem is the fact that you are emotional. You need to go a full 30 days of no contact. It’s really important for you to do this because by doing so you can show your ex that you aren’t reliant on him any more.

      Of course, be pleasant when you see him in person but for 30 days ignore his texts.

      During this time you need to work on not being so reliant on him. Show him that you don’t care if you get him back or not (even though inside you really do) I think you will find that, that makes an amazing difference.

  4. Christine

    June 20, 2013 at 6:30 am

    I want to share my case to here..I dated with my ex for 10 months. And He broke up with me about 3 and half weeks ago. I still really miss him and still love him. I did everything for him even he told me im the best gf he ever dated with. But we had argue a lot at the end..and finally he told me to break up. I was begging him, crying and kept calling him texting him, even I went to his place..I just couldnt accept it..And then he msged me that we shouldnt see and talk for a i msged him back, really long msg..that I always support you and pray for you i dont want you to think im a crazy girl blah blah like that..that was the’s been 10 days now I dont contact him.. But I really want him to change his mind but i really scared..

    1. admin


      June 21, 2013 at 3:45 am

      I am sorry this happened to you Christine. Stay the course on the no contact and make sure you work on improving yourself during that time.

      The best way to get him back is to portray an image that you don’t need him (even if inside you really do.)

      Def read this page top to bottom I think it will help you.

    2. Joseph G.

      July 10, 2013 at 11:40 pm

      That’s too bad. I recently just broke it off with my old girlfriend, too. Sometimes, there is just nothing you can do really to get your ex back. Like, for the reason I broke it off, there was nothing that my ex could do to get me back. I was simply just tired of being with the same girl. I wanted somebody new. But I’m not saying you should give up hope. You shouldn’t. I’m just saying that sometimes there’s just nothing you can do. Good Luck

  5. Chelsy

    June 19, 2013 at 8:47 pm

    With no contact what are ways that I could show him that if we were to get back together things could change? He always throws out there that we just aren’t good for each other so it makes me worried he is truly not wanting to rekindle everything after a month, with the friend and family situation along with college and us going to different schools next year I am worried that this break up has more to do with college than actually not being good together. How can I show him that all these factors can be fixed and wot be much of a battle for us. And do you understand the break he is asking for does it sound like he needs time away from the relationship or is he truly you think just trying to move on for good? We have had break ups before but never one like this

    1. admin


      June 21, 2013 at 3:42 am

      I am a firm believer that you should always trust your gut. If you feel that this breakup is different than the other ones then it probably is. But that doesn’t mean that you have no shot.

      It sounds to me like college is playing into his mind at the moment.

      The best thing you can do I honestly believe is a no contact period. How can you show him that you are changed. You can work on becoming the sexiest version of yourself. If that means busting your butt at the gym then do it. If that means cleaning up your diet then do it. I never said this would be easy but you want the next time he sees you to be a jaw dropping moment for him (jaw dropping in a good way.)

  6. Chelsy

    June 19, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    My break up is confusing the guy gave me mixed signals as to why he wanted to break up. We got into a small argument with me getting mad at him that exploded 3 days later he wanted a break for a week. During that week things escalated between friends and family we started talking things out again over text. It seemed as if he was open to fixing things between us and was asking to talk in person. We were still arguing during the first week of the break about what the other was doing and who they were around. Then about 2 days ago another break up or break came out of nowhere we seemed to be getting things back in track until no matter what I said or tried to do would not keep him. He said he needs a month break but we need to try and get over each other during that time. That is so confusing to me cause when talking in person you can still tell he wants to make things work, but he made a promise to himself it seems to not get back together because of other factors such as family, friends, college, our past together, and fighting. I thought it would be better to be together, not dating but still seeing each other and fix things but he is so set in stone towards this month break. But I cannot tell if he is just being indesicve cause he keeps changing his mind and nothing is making sense. Also what is a reasoning of a break if he says we need to try and get over each other? We’ve been dating for around a year and a half. Any thoughts to as what is going on? I was also really demanding and selfish at times in the relationship and he has thrown out there that he didn’t feel loved or appreciated.

    1. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 8:28 pm

      Hi Chelsy,

      Actually, don’t get excited now but your situation doesn’t sound too bad at all. I have had to help women in really bad situations before so yours seems like a breeze.

      I am going to do my best to give you some solid advice.

      First, your biggest issue was trying to get together immediately after the breakup. That is the dumbest idea ever because both parties are so emotional at that point. You want him back so badly, he is unclear and unsure. I think a 30 day no contact period would work wonders for you. It is really important for you to complete the no contact without any roadblocks meaning you can’t break down and contact him.

      Also, before I say this next thing I want to warn you to not take offense. I am here to help you.

      Alright, you really need to work on your selfish and demanding tendencies. That is not attractive behavior. Seriously, do something to work on them and make sure you can show him that you are a different person if you get him back.

  7. Andrea

    June 19, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    Hi, I need some advice on how to get my ex boyfriend back , so I thought i’d share my situation .. I broke up with him two months ago,I said to him to just be friends and that made him really angry , i didnt really mean to say that to him but i was upset about something else and i threw all my anger on him.. A couple of days later i went to the town he studies in to attend a class and i saw him with his friend.He waved at me and i waved back and then walked away.After the class he sat outside the building i was in and i ignored him.then i realized I made a big mistake and called him over. he said he wasn’t feeling well,so i argued with him and removed him from facebook. Some days later when i went back home , I apologized and he said he wasnt mad but the day after he ignored my texts. I tried NC then to see it it will work, but 3 weeks later i found out he started dating another girl.I was really sad and thought my hope is gone , but after 2 months I met him and we had a normal conversation. Then, i wrote to him again, as a friend and asked him to meet up ,he said the weather was too hot outside,so I said okay.The next day, he continued the conversation on facebook and we talked until late at night. I was surprised,but then again, he ignored my text and hasn’t replied since that day. I don’t know if i should text him again saying I want to meet up or not.Also, he is leaving the country soon.. I really want to get back together with him and he has this new girlfriend , so please tell me what to do,Thanks

    1. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 8:21 pm

      Hi Andrea,

      He is giving you all these mixed signals… it’s actually genius if you think about it. One day he is talking to you until late at night and then the next day he is ignoring you texts and look at you, you want him back even more.

      You need to find a way to turn the tables so you can have that kind of a power over him.

      It seems to me that, that is your biggest issue. Men want the unattainable. We want what we can’t have.

      How can you become the unattainable.

      Shorten your conversations with him. YOU BE THE ONE TO END THE CONVO.

      Getting him to meet up with you won’t work unless you can get reignite his feelings towards you. Think of it like this, if Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie asked him out would he go? Absolutely he would.

      If you can find a way to get the power back you are golden.

    2. Andrea

      June 20, 2013 at 9:22 am

      But, I think that if i lose the contact with him , he might completely forget about me and if i have the chance to meet him , maybe I can show him the person he fell in love with .. Do you think that will work? And why didn’t he say he doesnt want to go out with me , but used the hot weather as an excuse, I don’t really understand why he doesnt want to let me go and gives me small hope whenever we talk ..

    3. admin


      June 21, 2013 at 3:37 am

      I understand your concerns but almost always what you described (meeting up with him, seeing if you can show him the person he fell in love with) never works.

      I think the hot weather thing was a pretty darn lame excuse. Sounds like something someone would say to string someone along.

      I honestly think that you would benefit by stepping away from the situation for the few days and coming back with a fresh mind.

      Sorry for the short comment but I didn’t have a lot of time.

  8. Meggie

    June 19, 2013 at 5:14 am

    So, all I do is just wait? My situation is hopeless right? There is no way to get him back. I will lose him 🙁 Thanks for your help. I dont know what to do anymore

    1. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 5:26 am

      It’s ok Meggie. Your situation is difficult but not hopeless.

      Just wait some time to clear your own head before you make any more decisions.

      Get a good nights sleep and eat some food. There is no reason that this breakup should affect these types of things.

      I understand that you want him back really badly but you are going to shoot yourself in the foot if you become overly emotional about this right now.

    2. Meggie

      June 20, 2013 at 2:02 am

      Should I still do the 30 days no contact rule at all? If Im doing that, what should I do next?

    3. admin


      June 20, 2013 at 3:55 am

      Absolutely you should, you should also work on improving yourself like I recommend on this page. It can act as a way to help get your ex back but also a way to heal you.

    4. Meggie

      June 20, 2013 at 7:24 pm

      I came to his house today to get back all my clothes. First we didnt say anything, and then when he look straight into my eyes, he smiled. I dont know why but I heard that his sister said he told her he had a new girlfriend. He still keeping my picture in his wallet. But every picture about us in his room, he threw them away. I felt so hopeless. i saw him on facebook and I tole him that he look good, he said me too. I felt Im a loser 🙁

    5. admin


      June 22, 2013 at 4:13 am

      Your not a loser at all Meggie!

      You did the right thing on every account. (except you shouldn’t have contacted him)

      I think for you it is really important to do some soul searching and healing during this time. Make yourself into a girl that he will think it is impossible to turn down.

  9. Tracey

    June 19, 2013 at 2:59 am

    So today I found out from a friend that my ex is seeing a new girl that lives out of town. It has been only 3 weeks since he broke up with me. I figured it was the case since he was leaving town every weekend now. Now I’m just really hurt that he found someone so fast. I see him every day at work and I don’t even know how to go about handling this. He’s already posted pics of them together on fb, but apparently has blocked me from seeing them. He’s been very friendly and flirty with me at work too, so what is going on ?

    1. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 4:03 am

      Hi Tracey,

      Really sorry this happened to you. The guy seems like a total player to me. But don’t worry, I know how to screw with these types of guys heads!

      Here is what you do, be friendly with him at work, nice and pleasant but don’t engage in any flirting. If you find yourself flirting with him just say, hey I need to concentrate on thing x and go about work.

      During your No Contact Period it is super important for YOU to NOT RESPOND to his texts. I think it is a safe bet to assume that he will text you eventually. Don’t respond, if he texts you again, don’t respond. If he gets angry and sends you a mean text, don’t respond.

      So, at work you are nice, pleasant and simple but yet he can’t engage you with a texting convo (until your 30 days are up.)

      Make sure you also have plenty of fun during the NC period. Meet new people, go on dates with new guys and just do things that make you feel good.

      Hope that helps!

  10. Veronica Mejia

    June 19, 2013 at 2:36 am

    I’m just starting the no contact rule.. Day 2. Very proud lol my situation is very complex. It’s been off and on again for 6 years. I cheated & left him for another guy. He has always forgiven me until now. Everything got to him. He’s now dating a close friend of his and says he needs space from me. He needs to think about everything and he feels a block towards me & he cant promise we will get back. When i try to get him to talk, he cant even look at me. Breaks my heart. Especially to see him with a “friend” and taking her to a place he recently took me a month ago. Not only that but he saw me recently & then saw her right after. I don’t want to be overconfident that it’s a rebound because it seems like they really get along. i want him to be happy but I know he in love with me & is hurt. Do you think I shouldnt be overconfident of his love & he finally threw in the towel? As far as social media, you think I should keep my accounts on private to prevent him from checking on me or public?

    1. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 3:58 am

      Hi Veronica,

      First off, I want to say that I am really glad you commented. I just literally got finished writing two posts on cheating for women in your exact situation.

      I think the no contact rule will work well for you I honestly do. Day 2 WOOT WOOT. The first 10 days are the hardest.

      Don’t put your social media accounts on private. What you want is for him to check and see you having fun and not totally devastated. Just don’t post anything that can be overly hurtful to him like a picture of you making out with guys (I know you wont do that but youd be surprised with some of the stories I have heard hahaha.)

      Also, you really need to think hard about what you can do to show him that he can trust you. Getting cheated on really hurts the person involved. Don’t just tell him that this time will be different SHOW HIM IT WILL!

      Any more questions?

    2. Veronica

      June 19, 2013 at 4:32 am

      Thank you so much on the fast response. You’re awesome!
      yeah should I be concerned about the new girl in his life or not let it get to me? She was a close friend and now this. Especially since the places he seems to be going are places we went too.

    3. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 5:03 am

      I wouldn’t worry too much for the simple fact that it is out of your control. Why worry about something you have no control over?

    4. Veronica

      June 19, 2013 at 5:11 am

      Thanks! Ill continue the process.

    5. Veronica

      June 22, 2013 at 12:32 am

      What if you’re posting things but he’s not the jealous type?

    6. admin


      June 22, 2013 at 4:11 am

      Even if he is not jealous it can work wonders for you projecting the right image. Being that ungettable girl which will work for you when you communicate with him.

    7. Veronica

      June 23, 2013 at 3:15 pm

      Sorry to bother. Again. I made the mistake of contacting him just to wish him well. And he replied saying he knows I’m there for him when he needs to talk. Minutes later, made another mistake & went on his page seeing that he posted a picture of him and the girl.

    8. admin


      June 23, 2013 at 10:53 pm

      I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Yes, its ideal not to contact your ex but if you slip up once and never do it again, I think it will be ok!

  11. Meggie

    June 19, 2013 at 12:03 am

    Please help me with my relationship. I really want my boyfriend back
    I have been going out with him almost for 3 years. We had a lot of memories and also we had a lot of fights. He broke up with me several time. And there was the time around for 4 days,I begged him and promised I would changed then he backed. But last Thursday , after his graduation, we still are normal but on Friday he turned off the phone. Early in the Saturday morning, I came to his house and I heard that he stayed over night in his best friend house. His friends lived in MN before, but he moved to TX. That boy has a sister who is 18 years old right now. I found out that and I got mad with him. After they went back to TX, my boyfriend was really sad. He said he liked that girl. Also, he told my friends that because he had so much thing going on when he dated me. He had ticket when he came to my dorm and get me, I killed myself to make him back. And he said he’s tired of that. When he said he doesn’t love me anymore, I cried and begged him like I usually do but he didn’t change his mind at all. We fighted and I said something really bad to him about our sex time. He is really mad right now and he said he doesn’t wanna see me anymore. He doesn’t even talk to me at all. I miss him so much. I wonder is there anyway I can get him back? He threw everything, every memories in the trash. Everyday, I post my feeling on facebook. I texted him and called him, but he never reply back. He blocked my number now.Please help me, I really need him

    1. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 3:53 am

      Hi Meggie,

      Ok, my advice to you is going to sound simple (but I promise it is not going to be simple to do. It is going to take a lot of discipline.)

      Stop posting your feelings on Facebook. Seriously DO NOT DO IT. Doing so is only validating his reason for not being with you.

      Also, he views you as the “crazy girlfriend” I know that is probably rude for me to say but I am going to be someone that is completely honest with you. The reason he blocked you on his phone is because he things your going a little crazy.

      Read this post from start to finish and implement the NO CONTACT RULE. 30 days of not talking to him. It can work wonders for you. Just take a deep breath and know that everything is going to be ok as long as you cool off a little. I am here to help you. Everyone on this site is here to help you.

    2. Meggie

      June 19, 2013 at 4:01 am

      Thanks for your advice,but after 30 days, what if he still blocks my phone number? How can I text or call him? He does not go outside or join any activities with his friends at all. The chance I get to see him is hopeless. Is the 30 days no contact rule still work for me after I’ve begged, clinged and cried over and over again, made him mad at me? I dont have anybody to help at all. I really love him.

    3. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 4:16 am

      Do you have his email? Did he block you from Facebook?

      After things have calmed down a bit you can certainly reach out to him in a friendly way via email and facebook just working your way in his good graces again. Enough that he will unblock you from his phone.

    4. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 4:16 am

      I think he needs some space (which is why he blocked you) and you need space as well.

      Space is good hahaha

    5. Meggie

      June 19, 2013 at 4:21 am

      He doesnt use facebook or email anymore after broke up with me. He told me that he doesnt love me anymore, he doesnt feel my love anymore, he doesnt want to see my face anymore. He said he waited for the time to break up with me for a long time after I did everything good for him. I know we need space but I feel like I cant get him anymore. Im really sad and couldnt sleep or eat anything at all

    6. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 5:05 am

      Hey Meggie,

      I am really sorry you are going through all of this. Usually, what your ex says in the heat of the moment can’t be taken too seriously. When emotions run high logic runs low after all. Nevertheless, prepare yourself for the possiblity that nothing is guaranteed.

      I think in your particular situation your only play is to wait things out a little bit. I know that must drive you crazy but really that is the only thing you can do right now. I think eventually, with time, he will warm up to speaking to you again.

      Gosh, I wish I could help more. I really want to help you but you are in a bit of a tricky situation I have to admit.

  12. Fabiola

    June 18, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    Wow no one has ever answered ! Thank you! You see he was my first love and boyfriend and i was his first girlfriend . we were our first everything.We started going out during our junior year In high school and we ended around January. We were fighting a lot and I was really taking him for granted. I realized it too late but I kept fighting for him and we had a weird relationship where we were ” together” but not really until February. Then he said he wanted to get back together but it only lasted a week or so beacuse he stared acting like he didn’t want to be with me. Never really acknowledging our relationship in public. So I said that we should end it. I was horribly crying in front of him and just honestly a horrible desprete mess. But I did the nc for a month then tried contacting but he was , as I said before, cold distant and weird. We ignored each other the rest of the year and I did my best to move on. But I never could, I kept coming back to him. Now you said on your website to try to be friends, I asked at the end of the year ( we graduated ) and he said yea sure, a very short response, but he again seems distant. How do I go about being his friend??? We don’t really talk, or see each other regularly since the breakup and now he has a girl. Ill give him space but when the time comes how do I go about the first step to getting him back which is becoming friends ?

    1. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 3:47 am

      No one has ever answered you really? Well, I am happy to help. I feel honored that you liked my website enough to comment and ask for advice.

      How do you become friends with your ex? Well, your ultimate goal is to get him back but you can’t do that without being on speaking terms.

      Here is how I would approach your situation:

      Spend a lot of time on YOU. Focus only on yourself right now. Get in the best shape of your life, get your hair done nicely, go out and get some new clothes. Meet new people. Go on dates with new guys (I understand if you would be nervous about that but do it. It will be really good for you.)

      Don’t even think about texting him or calling him or doing anything while you are focusing on you. Wait about 30 -45 days and then eventually, when you feel you are up to it. Reach out to him in an innocent way with a text message. He will respond hopefully and then you end the conversation immediately. Do this about 3 times with him and then the fourth time you text him try to have a casual conversation (not about your relationship though) just make it casual and be the one to end the conversation.

      Eventually, you will find that not only will you take back the power with regards to wanting him to text you but you will be on good speaking terms with him as friends again.

    2. Fabiola

      June 21, 2013 at 4:24 am

      Will do 🙂 thank you …ill do it but I’ve already done the no contact thing before and the contacted him again it’s been around 4months since we broke up( we broke up for sure around February ) so I tried talking to him around April and he got together with his girlfriend around march or April. So I did the no contact thing so what your saying is I should do it again? Will it work the same ? Even though he dosent even talk to me period since march …and even then only like two text convos like a week and he dropped it very quickly…so I was just wo during if it would work the same beacuse of that and beacuse now he has a girlfriend…:((((

    3. admin


      June 22, 2013 at 4:09 am


      I think you would really benefit from projecting an image of “you don’t need him” guys always want what they can’t have.

  13. Fabiola

    June 18, 2013 at 6:05 am

    Hi my name is Fabi…I dated my ex for a year and we had good moments and our bad. We broke up beacuse I was way to baggy and clingy…I tried the no contact thing and then tried contacting him but it just didn’t go well he was very distant and seemed he just didn’t want to hurt my feelings so I stopped talking to him. I dd t want the pity thing. 2 months after our breakup he started dating one of his close friends that admitted to having feelings for him during our relationship. Around may I decided that I still loved him and was Ganna try to get him back again, so far I’ve texted just sayin I wanted to be friends and he answers but drops outta conversations randomly and occasionally does not answer… So now I do t know what to do? How would you do this ? Btw I did the whole improvement thing and I everything this page says before I acctually contact him. So what do ? I really do love him and miss him terribly

    1. admin


      June 18, 2013 at 5:37 pm

      Hi Fabiola,

      First off, I want to thank you for commenting. I am sorry that he started dating someone new. I know how tough that must be for you, especially since you determined that you still loved him and wanted him back. It seems to me that your major issue stemmed from texting. I wouldn’t have recommended that anyone text “I just want to be friends” to their ex boyfriend if they want to get them back. Sure, it seems harmless at first but a guy is going to have the attitude like “well, I can get her back whenever.” That is not something you want. You need to be in full control when it comes to texting.

      As for where you should go now: I would say that you give it a little time before you try reaching out again. He is still probably in the honeymoon period of his new relationships but as I have stated multiple times 90% of rebound relationships end. When you do try to reach out to him again make sure you make your texts really intruiging and force him to respond. BUT you need to keep your convos with him to a minimum and YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE THAT ENDS THE CONVO. Another piece of friendly advice, he is dating someone new so if you feel comfortable you might try going out with someone as well. It is a good way to not only heal yourself but make him sit up a little and go “huh, I may have missed out with her.”

      Of course, I want everyone to be prepared with the fact that you are not guaranteed to get him back. So, make sure you expect the best but prepare for the worst.

      If you have any more specific questions feel free to ask!

  14. Amy

    June 18, 2013 at 1:37 am

    How bad is it to respond to his texts during the 30 day period? My ex and I were friends for months before we started seeing each other, and when we (sort of mutually) broke up we resolved to stay friends because we have to see each other often. I am not initiating any contact with him and sure enough, now he is texting me wondering how I am. If I completely ignore his texts he’ll think something is wrong or I’m so hurt over the breakup I can’t talk to him. So I have been giving short, positive responses that close the conversation– like “I’m great, busy day, hope you are well” etc. And then silence until he texts me again. Is this enough?

    1. admin


      June 18, 2013 at 2:41 am


      Thanks for commenting! I always appreciate the comments and do my best to respond to each and every one.

      Responding to his texts during the no contact period. Well, ideally the best no contact 30 day period is one where you don’t respond to him at all. However, I want you to keep in mind that just because I wrote it down on this page doesn’t mean that it’s set in stone.

      Each situation will require different unique approaches. So, I think you would be ok doing what you are doing (AS LONG AS YOU DON”T ENGAGE IN A CONVO and you keep the responses short.)However, I would say that if you feel comfortable doing it, ignore him for the full 30 days.

      He will really get angry (I am not going to lie.) However, I promise he will be jumping up and down once you do finally text him.

      So to recap, what you are doing is ok as long as you don’t engage in conversation and keep your responses short. However, if you are comfortable go ahead and try not to respond.

      If you have any more questions feel free to ask!

    2. Amy

      June 18, 2013 at 11:24 pm

      Thanks, Chris… so far just me not initiating is working great. He keeps texting to see how I’m doing (normally I’m the one who does that) and I wait 3-4 hours– unusual for me– and then reply with a short noninformative text. I’ll tell you, this advice is money! It really works.
      I just have a hard time doing it… so I’m hoping I don’t cave. He is my friend and he’s opened up to me, and I feel like I’m playing games and trying to hurt him. Doesn’t feel good. Also I guess deep down I’m afraid he’s going to be angry/hurt/confused/disinterested enough to walk away and I will have blown it. Help me not to cave!!!

    3. admin


      June 19, 2013 at 3:37 am


      I am really glad that things are working out for you. It is kind of cool to have the power for once?

      I understand how you are feeling. Actually, every single woman I have ever helped has felt the way you do right now during the NC period.

      Again, I want to reiterate that nothing is set in stone and it is ok to deviate from the “plan” if you feel you are going to be playing games and it makes you uncomfortable.

      Remember though, there is a risk deviating from the plan but I always say to trust your gut!

    4. Amy

      June 25, 2013 at 5:34 pm

      Hi Chris, I ended up going full no-contact for two days (ignoring his texts) and he was pretty aloof with me afterward. I did feel more in control, but I also felt bad about doing it. I think he got the message that I’m distancing myself. He’s initiating texts, but not frequently. So did it work? Who knows.

      The interesting thing is that I think I learned something about myself by trying this. I learned that I am capable of disengaging from this guy, and that it felt pretty good to do it. I did feel bad about confusing him, but I felt really good about what it did for me. If he wants to keep me, he’ll work at it. Otherwise it’s over. It will be hard but I’ll survive and find someone more worthy of me.

    5. admin


      June 25, 2013 at 5:51 pm

      Amy, you made my day!

      I am so glad that you are feeling more empowered by this after only TWO days!

  15. Anita

    June 17, 2013 at 9:38 am

    Hej, reading this website i decided to share my issue as well. I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago, we’ve been together around one year. The reason of broke up was that we dont have butterflies in our stomach i know its sounds silly but as he said it was the reason. After three days he started sending me sms, and fb messages but u tried ti be very short and vague. Last week he asked me if we can book tickets together for concert, i replied that all our friends will be there and we’ll bump into each other and that fine. After this he keeps stalkinh my fb wall and sending me sms. On 10th of june we meet up to just talk and i told him why i was so upset about him. The only thing he was saying just recalling moments from our relationship. Now there is iur muttual friends b-day this friday and probably we’ll meet up there, i dont know how to behave, i still have feelings towards him. Can you give me some suggestions? Thanks in advance

    1. admin


      June 17, 2013 at 7:01 pm

      Hi Anita,

      I was talking with a woman a few days ago that had a very similar issue to yours, going to a party and seeing their ex. I will give you the same advice that I gave her. It is ok to go to the party as long as you keep any interaction short and simple. Play a little hard to get. Think of it like this, you want your ex to think about you and really want to be back with you but be wondering why in the heck you aren’t running back to him. Guys almost expect a girl to run back to their arms after a breakup.

      So, the best play for you, at this party, is to not be rude to him but any interactions you have with him make sure you are polite, easy going but most importantly not overly talkative. If you are talking with him for 10 minutes straight I would say that is too long at this point.

  16. John

    June 17, 2013 at 6:16 am

    Me and my partner broke up at the end of last month. He wanted to go on a break, I didn’t want to but I eventually agreed. He said he needs time away for a while and be single. He said he would contact me when he was ready to speak to me again but its approaching one month. I don’t know how long he’s going to take but I’m willing to give him as much time he needs to think things through. After one month is it okay if I reach out first or should I continue waiting for him?

    1. admin


      June 17, 2013 at 6:56 pm

      I would say as long as you complete the entire 30 days (1 month) of the No Contact Rule you can go ahead and reach out to him. However, I strongly urge you to take a look at the section I put together on how to text him. There is a certain way that you need to go about contacting him to ensure maximum results.

  17. Emma

    June 16, 2013 at 1:16 am

    I know this is probably long winded but I want to give as much info as I can. 2 weeks before breaking up we were shopping for engagement rings and merged our bank accounts together.

    My bf and I seperated about a month ago an we went back and forth about how to fix it for a week. After a week he said he wanted to break up. It took him 2 more weeks to finally move his stuff out of the house. He text me several times over the last few weeks saying he hopes that Im ok, and asking for little things he forgot like his knife sharpener. We spoke once last week and it was a lighthearted conversation and then he got quiet and said he had to get off the phone and asked if we could have coffee sometime. Earlier this week we met for dinner and he brought up fun stories from our relationship. He said I looked happier than he has seen me in months and that he has been very lonely and has never felt a lonliness like this before. He talked about having dinner again soon and coming over to BBQ. Today I found out that he went home to see his family and brought a girl. Im confused about why he would ask me to dinner and say all those things over dinner and then bring a girl home to his family.

    1. admin


      June 16, 2013 at 2:13 am

      Hi Emma,

      First I want to thank you for your comment! I realize that you are in a really emotionally hurtful situation right now. Nothing is worse than loving someone so much and then hearing that he brought someone home that is not you. The only reason I can think of, of why he did this is because he is confused. He doesn’t know what he wants. He looks at you and remembers the good times but he also wants to try out other things, a common thing for men …. sigh.

      Anyways, I think you would really benefit from cutting off communication via a no contact rule for 30 days and just focusing on the one thing that really matters… YOU! Go the the gym to get some physical exercise in, go shopping, get a haircut do some soul searching really take some time for yourself and then if you want to see him again make sure you do it on your terms and not his.

      By agreeing to meet him, after you found out he brought someone home, basically means that you are enabling his behavior. He can’t have two things at once and you are going to have to be the one to show him that. That is my two cents. I really wish I had written an e-book that I could give to you but I haven’t. If you have any more questions feel free to ask!

  18. Tracey

    June 15, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    What if you work with your ex? He broke it off about 3 weeks ago and he keeps coming up to me, talking and flirting with me. I’ve been nice but short and vague with him. I’m also trying the 30 day no contact by not calling or texting him at all. That is the only way I can limit my contact with him. He has texted me a couple of times but nothing much. Am I on the right track?

    1. admin


      June 16, 2013 at 2:08 am


      Absolutely you are on the right track. Remember, you have to be pleasant, simple and short with your conversations with him at this point. Obviously, the ideal “no contact” period would be one where you don’t see him at all but in your case you really have no choice but to. You are on the right track for sure. If you have any more questions please feel free to comment and I will be happy to answer!

  19. samantha

    June 13, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    Need some help. Very confused. Have a few questions if u wouldnt mind helping

    1. admin


      June 14, 2013 at 1:04 am

      Ask away!

  20. Ernest

    April 30, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    how can you do this over the phone if you never see
    your ex anymore?

    1. admin


      May 1, 2013 at 12:03 am

      There are three phases to the method described on this page.

      Phase 1- The No Contact Period, for 30 days you freeze out your ex.
      Phase 2- The Texting Phase- Where you slowly but surely bring up the old feelings that made you and your ex a couple.
      Phase 3- The Meet Up- Where you see your ex for the first time in person.

      Obviously there is a lot more to it than that but those three phases are central! Hope that answers your question.

    2. Elizabeth

      June 12, 2013 at 10:22 pm

      What if 30 days is too long? And I was the one who broke the relationship because of all the arguing and most of the arguing came from my jealousy and insecurity. I’ve hurt my boyfriend a lot according to him and I didn’t notice. Well he says he doesn’t believe in second chances and when we talk or hang out he says he gets anxiety again. We didnt talk for 3 days and we missed each other he says he wants us to get back but he says he ant because I have hurt him so much and he gets sad and afraid it won’t work out in the long run. What should I do? And he says I won’t change how I treated him but I really feel like I will.

    3. admin


      June 12, 2013 at 10:49 pm

      Hi Elizabeth,

      First off I just want to welcome you to my site I hope you find the information you are looking for here. As for your question: the 30 day no contact rule is actually one of the most effective tactics that you can employ. While I highly recommend it, it is certainly not set in stone. In your case I think you would benefit from doing it and letting him and you calm down a bit.

    4. Elizabeth

      June 17, 2013 at 9:36 pm

      Thanks so much. Actually, I got my Facebook account back for a day and I happened to see a post from him to his friend which is girl and he was saying how nice and beautiful she was. And well my natural reaction was to be sad. I don’t know what to do because I’m still in this non contact rule and I’m afraid I might lose him to this girl.

    5. admin


      June 18, 2013 at 12:31 am

      Hi Elizabeth,

      I wouldn’t read too much into it. Most guys will post something about another girl being beautiful on Facebook and while there may be an initial attraction nothing usually comes from it. I have a question for you. Has he made any attempt to text you during your no contact period? In almost every case the guy eventually breaks down and texts.

    6. Elizabeth

      June 18, 2013 at 2:00 am

      He hasn’t attempted to text me throughout this period.

    7. admin


      June 18, 2013 at 2:47 am

      Hi Elizabeth,

      Sorry for the late response. Well, most likely he will text you if you stay true to the no contact period. Of course, by the end of the no contact period when you do finally text him you, if you hit the right notes, you can become way more attractive than some girl he told was pretty on Facebook by playing on some basic human psychology.

      Realistically, any tactic you employ doing this has no guarantee of 100% success. Human beings are impossible to predict. However, I can honestly say that the methods I talk about here have the best chances of raising your success. Actually, I was helping a woman who contacted me a few weeks ago and she just got back from a date with her ex yesterday using this exact method. NO JOKE!

      Feel free to pick my brain if you have any more questions.

    8. Elizabeth

      June 18, 2013 at 3:05 am

      Thank you so much for the advice I will see what happens after!:) Once again thanks.

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2016 at 4:28 am

      Hi Ernest,

      what do you mean are you long distance?

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2016 at 7:08 am

      Hi Ernest,

      what do you mean? are you in long distance?

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