The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

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This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Here Is The Truth

It is impossible to guarantee that you can get a previous boyfriend back 100% of the time. However, it is possible to significantly raise your chances. The keyword there being SIGNIFICANTLY and before you get all argumentative I have seen the tactics outlined on this page work time and time again. It isn’t necessarily a fast process but there is proof out there to back up the claims being made.

BUT FIRST… There’s Something Important You Need To Know

I have been helping men and women get back with their exes for over half a decade and I have learned that most people have preconceived notions when they end up on my site. They think that all they have to do is follow the directions that I give them on the page and they are good to go. Now, while this may hold true in some cases I will say that getting an ex back is usually such a complex process that I can’t explain everything there is to explain in one simple article.

Luckily, I have created an “ultimate resource” for you to follow to not only get your ex back but to understand why they are acting the way they are acting.

All you have to do learn about this resource is to click the button below!

Get Relief FasterWith Tactics I Can't Put on the Blog...

 

What This Page Is About

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

Published April 8, 2013, | Modified November 8, 2016

1 - The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.

First

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

Second

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.

IMPORTANT:

He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

(Oh, just an FYI. I actually recently put together a massive book on the no contact rule. Check it out.)

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

2 - What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.

Cheating:

(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

3 - What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

To learn more about what other changes you can make during the no contact rule please check out my newest book,

The No Contact Rule Book

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)

This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

4 - Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.

Texting

Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

5 - The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

6 - Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

7 - First Contact Text Message

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

(Quick Sidenote: If you want a much more in-depth look at the process of texting an ex boyfriend I encourage you to take a look at “The Texting Bible.”

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-

“hey…”

“Hello”

“What’s Up”

“Hi”

You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:

“Thxs”
“Great”
“Interesting”

Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

8 - Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”

or

Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

9 - How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. It certainly was in my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

10 - The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

11 - Taking THE Risk

taking-risk

Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
NEVER CALL MORE THAN ONCE A DAY.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Beg,
Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

12 - The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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What Do You Think? (7,707)

  1. MM - 0

    MM

    Hi,
    I had recently started talking to a great guy I met. We were clicking really well, and things were moving nicely. However, my brother whom Inclose to was in a car accident, and then as the week progressed a family friend of mine passed away. One thing after the other. Instead of asking him to be there for me, I asked him for space stated I had a rough day. I let him know through out the week what was happening, and pursued to state I knew we weren’t anything, yet I knew we are both interested in one another. This week has been hard as i have lost my grandma two years ago, this summer a friend killed himself, another trying to shoot himself. I had told him that while I’m excited to be in a relationship, I am not ready at this point in time. Instead of allowing him to be there for me I pushed him away, as I have been taking care of myself for a long time. I’m not sure what to do. And some help would be greatly appreciated, as I do like him. I wasn’t sure how appropriate it would be to involve him, as we have barely started something.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI MM,

      I’m sorry for everything that happened to your loved ones. But with all due respect, you have to let go or be at peace with some of them that happened years before, because you have to live in the present and they’re at peace in heaven now too. And with the new guy, he’s probably just reacting to your request, so if you want more connection, just initiate. He’s just respecting your space because you asked for it. So, he’s more likely going to respond positively if you message him positively too. That is if you want to, that would be your decision…

  2. Ksks - 0

    Ksks

    Hey there, so I feel a little awkward for asking you and advice basing on the situations I saw above about their serious serious relationship but I feel like I need an advice from a third person. My boyfriend is 20 and Im 17. we’ve known each other since three years but we didn’t talk regularly just once in a month or less since I had a crush on someone else and he was in a complicated relationship. I dated another guy ( my first relationship and that lasted one year ) and we broke up one year ago and meanwhile he went in another country to live with his girlfriend at that time but after a year they broke up and he returned and the girl is crazy about him keeps calling and begging and crying and calling even his mum his friends but anyway I just wanted to explain that he is used to these kind of people ( obsessed and a little psycho ) meanwhile I have a loot of pride means I never double text if he leaves my messages seen or if he says something rude it’s hard for me to forgive him and the other thing I wanted you to be clear of was that he just finished this log term relationship with that girl ( kind of 4 years ). We started dating and seeing each other and he was so different to what i was used to, he was grown up,intelligent, kind of old school when it comes to social media and I was really attracted by this. At the beginning of the relationship he was really interested like asking to meet every day, calling every day, sayig that he felt I made him feel so good and he cared about me and he saw me as an intelligent and mentally grown girl even tho Im 17. He used to travel miles to see me and he presented me all his friends and some family members ( his brother, his cousins that are of the same age as him ). All this honeymoon period changed like idk whether I did anything but I’m a little capricious and I have a lot of pride and I want full attention 24/7 and Idk maybe he didn’t want to give so many answers since he just ended a chapter of a serious relationship but he knew I was that type of serious relationship. And an important detail is that we hadn’t have sex since i’m this age and I explained it to him but he kept asking me for a solution and asked me if I would be okay if he went for a one night stand which I found horrible the fact that he asked I mean I would never know if he did that and I found the question like a tension or a pressure to put me to decide something not to loose him. The point is that he started to loose interest and by that I mean he stopped calling and asking to meet saying that everything has limits and he felt like he was a little sticky and he wanted me to ask and to call cuz he felt like I wasn’t payingthe attention needed. The last week we fought like 3 days in a row because once I thought that he cheated on my but I was wrong so I became a little overprotective and maybe he felt space less and in the weekend I asked him to meet. It wasn’t like always, he was a little cold and we hadn’t met in two weeks since he was abroad for business. His mum called and she needed to be picked up and it would be awkward if I was in the car because we had just started the relationship and it wasn’t the time to make kt that official so I told him I would wait with a friend until he finished. I had a bag with me and I asked him if I could leave it in the car and he said of course but later on when we arrived at the place when I had to get off the car he told me to take my bag and I felt bad like he was trying to let go of me like he wanted to get rid of me and I got pissed off and took the bag and he asked me whether I had any problem and I just got up and closed the door. I think that pissed him off since he speeded up his car ina. furious way.After half an hour I called him and he didn’t pick up. And i didn’t text him and he didn’t text too and I think he was expecting me to do that since the next day during 7 pm he just blocked only in whatsapp, he still keeps following me in other accounts like viber facebook. I feel bad amd Idk whether is my fault that we came to this point or he just lost his interest. Please give me an advice if he is ever going to text me back and if I should text or call or something or even appear at his favorite bars. Also after all that senseless breakup I am even doubting if he ever cared about me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ksks,

      he changed after you refused sex? It sounds like that’s what he wants.. but it’s good that you didn’t give it..

  3. Melissa M. - 0

    Melissa M.

    Hi,
    I had recently started talking to a great guy I met. We were clicking really well, and things were moving nicely. However, my brother whom Inclose to was in a car accident, and then as the week progressed a family friend of mine passed away. One thing after the other. Instead of asking him to be there for me, I asked him for space stated I had a rough day. I let him know through out the week what was happening, and pursued to state I knew we weren’t anything, yet I knew we are both interested in one another. This week has been hard as i have lost my grandma two years ago, this summer a friend killed himself, another trying to shoot himself. I had told him that while I’m excited to be in a relationship, I am not ready at this point in time. Instead of allowing him to be there for me I pushed him away, as I have been taking care of myself for a long time. I’m not sure what to do. And some help would be greatly appreciated, as I do like him. I wasn’t sure how appropriate it would be to involve him, as we have barely started something.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI MM,

      I’m sorry for everything that happened to your loved ones. But with all due respect, you have to let go or be at peace with some of them that happened years before, because you have to live in the present and they’re at peace in heaven now too. And with the new guy, he’s probably just reacting to your request, so if you want more connection, just initiate. He’s just respecting your space because you asked for it. So, he’s more likely going to respond positively if you message him positively too. That is if you want to, that would be your decision…

  4. JS - 0

    JS

    can someone reply? Ive been trying to post but it isn’t working!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..

  5. JS - 0

    JS

    Can someone reply? I’ve been trying to post but they disappear.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  6. JS - 0

    JS

    my ex bf has depressed insecurity trust jealousy issues. We dated 6 months passionate love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex which my bf misinterpreted that I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated and lied that I had not slept with him before we met. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust (even though it was before we met). I apologized for lying. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, couldn’t be devoted or relied on. Tried to give him space, but we both broke NC many times i got suspicious found out he’d started sleeping with another. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up didn’t owe me anything. I sent lots of mean messages texts, etc that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too during that time (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of them were true, just angry afraid to lose him.

    He left for 2 weeks to take care of personal things said goodbye. We had NC… later he texted he missed and loved me. we both apologized. got back together for 7 months, then a month ago he re-opened his FB saw old angry messages I’d sent before. it reopened the wound cycle of fear and insecurity began. he’d say “I love you” then later “I can’t do this”. said he “needed space” but after one week I broke NC pushed him, said just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing until he said “Ok we are done, goodbye”. For 3 days I sent messages, called, apologizing, pleading, cried… he’s now stopped responding. Today is day 4 and I’m starting NC. I know he loves me deeply, but is angry. He hasn’t blocked my phone or email. Not sure if he’s gone for good or if NC will allow him to miss me and reconcile. We don’t live in the same neighborhood, not connected online, so he won’t see me improving or happy without him and miss me.
    1. Did I damage things too much and should move on?
    2. How long NC? seems like 30 days too short for this situation but don’t want to go too long
    3. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start NC clock again?
    Thank you, JS

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  7. JS - 0

    JS

    HELO????

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  8. JS - 0

    JS

    I’m so frustrated my comments wont seem to post!!!!!!!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  9. JS - 0

    JS

    my ex bf has depressed insecurity trust jealousy issues. We dated 6 months passionate love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex which my bf misinterpreted that I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated and lied that I had not slept with him before we met. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust (even though it was before we met). I apologized for lying. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, couldn’t be devoted or relied on. Tried to give him space, but we both broke NC many times i got suspicious found out he’d started sleeping with another. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up didn’t owe me anything. I sent lots of mean messages texts, etc that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too during that time (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of them were true, just angry afraid to lose him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  10. JS - 0

    JS

    my ex bf has depressed insecurity trust jealousy issues. We dated 6 months passionate love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex which my bf misinterpreted that I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated and lied that I had not slept with him before we met. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust (even though it was before we met). I apologized for lying. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, couldn’t be devoted or relied on. Tried to give him space, but we both broke NC many times i got suspicious found out he’d started sleeping with another. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up didn’t owe me anything. I sent lots of mean messages texts, etc that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too during that time (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of them were true, just angry afraid to lose him.
    He left for 2 weeks to take care of personal things said goodbye. We had NC… later he texted he missed and loved me. we both apologized. got back together for 7 months, then a month ago he re-opened his FB saw old angry messages I’d sent before. it reopened the wound cycle of fear and insecurity began. he’d say “I love you” then later “I can’t do this”. said he “needed space” but after one week I broke NC pushed him, said just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing until he said “Ok we are done, goodbye”. For 3 days I sent messages, called, apologizing, pleading, cried… he’s now stopped responding. Today is day 4 and I’m starting NC. I know he loves me deeply, but is angry. He hasn’t blocked my phone or email. Not sure if he’s gone for good or if NC will allow him to miss me and reconcile. We don’t live in the same neighborhood, not connected online, so he won’t see me improving or happy without him and miss me.
    1. Did I damage things too much and should move on?
    2. How long NC? seems like 30 days too short for this situation but don’t want to go too long
    3. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start NC clock again?
    Thank you, JS

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  11. JS - 0

    JS

    my ex bf has insecurity trust jealousy issues can get depressed. We dated 6 months very passionate love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex which my bf misinterpreted to mean I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated. and lied that I had not slept with him before we met. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust. I apologized. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, couldn’t be devoted to me. Tried to give him space, but we both broke NC many times i got suspicious found out he had begun sleeping with someone. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up didn’t owe me anything. I sent lots of mean messages that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too during that time (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of them were true, just so angry afraid to lose him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  12. JS - 0

    JS

    my ex bf has insecurity trust jealousy issues can get depressed. We dated 6 months very passionate love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex which my bf misinterpreted to mean I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated. and lied that I had not slept with him before we met. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust. I apologized. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, couldn’t be devoted to me. Tried to give him space, but we both broke NC many times i got suspicious found out he had begun sleeping with someone. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up didn’t owe me anything. I sent lots of mean messages that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too during that time (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of them were true, just so angry afraid to lose him.

    He left for 2 weeks to take care of personal things said goodbye. We had NC… later he texted he missed and loved me. we both apologized. got back together for 7 months, then a month ago he re-opened his FB saw old angry messages I’d sent months before. it reopened the wound cycle of fear and insecurity began. he’d say “I love you” then later “I can’t do this”. said he “needed space again” but after one week I broke NC pushed him, said just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing until he said “Ok we are done, goodbye”. for 3 days I sent messages, called, apologizing, pleading, cried..and so on. he’s stopped responding. Today is day 4 and I’m starting NC. I know he loves me deeply, but is angry. He hasn’t blocked my phone or email. Not sure if he’s gone for good or if NC will allow him to miss me and reconcile. we don’t live in the same neighborhood, not connected online, so he won’t see me improving or happy living my life without him and miss me.

    1. Did I damage things too far and I should move on?
    2. How long NC last? Our situation seems like it should be longer than 30 days
    3. What is the best type of txt to send when NC over?
    4. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start NC clock again?
    Thank you, JS

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  13. JS - 0

    JS

    my ex bf has low self-esteem jealousy and insecurity issues. he can get depressed. We dated 6 months very passionate intense, love deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex-husband which my bf misinterpreted to mean I didn’t desire him the most. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated. He asked if i’d slept with him before we met and I lied said no. later when i told him the truth yes, he flipped out lost all trust. I apologized. He tried to hold on, but insecurity and jealousy grew. At 7 months said he needed space not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, he couldn’t be devoted to me. Tried to give him space, but we both broke the NC rule many times i got suspicious and found out he had begun sleeping with someone. he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later admitted but said just physical and didn’t feel he cheated since we were broken up and he didn’t owe me any explanation. I sent lots of mean messages that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, liar. I also lied said I’d slept with another too (to make him jealous) also insulted parts of his body. None of the mean things I said were true, was just so angry and also afraid to lose him.

    He left for 2 weeks to take care of personal things said goodbye. We had NC during then… later he texted he missed and knew he loved me. we both apologized. got back together for 7 months, then a month ago depressed and cycle of fear and insecurity began again. he’d say “I love you” then later “I can’t do this”. Then he re-opened his FB saw old angry messages I’d sent months before where I’d insulted him. it reopened the wound. He said again “need space” but after one week I broke NC pushed him, said just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing until he said “Ok then we are done, I can’t do it goodbye”.

    For about 3 days I sent messages, called, apologizing, pleading, cried..and so on. he’s now stopped responding. Today is day 4 and I’m starting NC. I know he loves me deeply, but is angry. He hasn’t blocked my phone or email but i won’t contact. Not sure if he’s gone for good or if space will allow him to miss me and reconcile. we don’t live in the same neighborhood so wont run into each other in public, not connected online, so won’t see me improving or happy living my life without him and miss me.
    1. Did I damage things too far and I should move on?
    2. How long NC last? Our situation seems like it should be longer than 30 days
    3. What is the best type of txt to send when NC over?
    4. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start NC clock again?
    Thank you, JS

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  14. JS - 0

    JS

    My ex bf has low self-esteem jealousy and insecurity issues. he can get depressed. We dated for 6 months very passionate intense, there was much love and a deep connection. early on I said something positive about my ex-husband which my bf misintepreted to mean I didn’t desire him the most. he got jealous of my ex. I also responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated. He asked if i’d slept with him before I met him and I lied said no. later when i told him the truth, he flipped out and lost all trust in me. I apologized but he didn’t seem to accept it. He tried to hold on, but his insecurity grew to the point where we couldn’t go out in public for for fear I was looking at other men. he accused me of not being true many times had many fights but I NEVER once betrayed him.

    At 7 months said he needed space to work on himself. said he’s not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, and needed to resolve some personal thing from his past (family and ex-gf with child). said he couldn’t be devoted to me, or relied upon, and that we were done. Tried to give him space, but was heartbroken, we both broke the NC rule many times… then he started getting evasive hiding his phone and whereabouts, making new friends and I started getting suspicious and found out by seeing texts he had begun sleeping with someone else after we broke up.he denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater liar. He later said it was true but it was just physical and didn’t feel it was cheating since we were broken up. said he didn’t owe me any explanation.

    I was devastated and sent him lots of messages that he wasn’t a good person, unstable low morals, and a liar. I also lied in an email said I’d slept with another (to make him jealous) I also insulted parts of his body. None of the mean things I said were true, I was just so incredibly blinded by anger and fear that I was losing him and that he’d been with another.

    He then left for 2 weeks to take care of personal things and said goodbye. We had NC… but on his way back he texted that he missed and knew he loved me. We talked and both apologized for the past. got back together, Then he started getting depressed and the cycle of fear and insecurity again. felt he wasn’t worthy, couldn’t support family friends or me, and felt suffocated and in fear in relationships, and that my love wasn’t true for him. Arguments started again he’d say “I love you” then later “I can’t do this”. i tried to defend and got angry for being accused walked on eggshells choosing my words carefully

    Then he re-opened his FB account and saw the old angry messages I’d sent months before where I’d insulted him. it reopened the wound. got depressed and stressed and angry at me I explained that I sent them because of my fear and anger and that none of it was true. But he’d lost all confidence in my words.

    He said again “I need space” but after one week I broke the NC rule and pushed him and said to just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing him until finally he said “Ok then we are broken up, I can’t do it goodbye”.

    For about 3 days I kept fighting for him reminded him of how great he is and our connection and times together, begged him not to leave, and to see that I really did love him I humiliated myself, kept sending messages and calling, apologizing, pleading, cried..and so on. After 3 days he’s stopped responding to all my contact.

    So today is day 4 and I am determined to do the NC rule and take time for myself to heal all the accusations and pain from our past and allow him time to heal and work on himself too. I know he loves me deeply, but is also angry. He never blocked my phone or emails. But I’m not sure if he’s gone for good or if space will allow him to miss me and reconcile. we don’t live in the same area so wont run into each other in public, not connected online, so during this time he won’t see me improving or happy living my life without him and miss me.

    So, I have 4 questions:
    1. Did I damage things too far and I should move on?
    2. How long NC last? Our situation seems like it should be longer than the standard 30 days
    3. What is the best type of txt to send when NC is over?
    4. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start NC clock again?

    Thank you, JS

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  15. JS - 0

    JS

    Hi, you’re website is so helpful. Thank you for all your work! My bf has low self-esteem and major jealousy and insecurity issues. He also can get depressed. We dated for 6 months. very passionate intense, much love deep connection on all levels. I once said something positive about my ex-husband early on in our relationship that was misintepreted and my bf took it to mean that I didn’t desire him the most. He became jealous. I also once responded to a text from a guy I previously dated. He asked if i’d slept with him and I lied said no. When I told him the truth later, that I had slept with this person before we left he flipped out and lost all trust in me. I apologized but he didn’t seem to accept it. He tried to hold on, but his insecurity grew to the point where in public he feared I was looking at other men. Many accusations and fights rooted in his jealousy but I NEVER once betrayed him or looked at others.

    At 7 months he said he needed space to work on himself. saying he was not worthy, not relationship material because of his issues, and needed to resolve personal situations from his past (family and ex-gf with child). He said couldn’t be devoted to me, or relied on, and ended it.

    I tried to give him space, but I was heartbroken, we both broke the NC rule many times including being physical… then he started getting evasive hiding his phone and whereabouts, making new circle of friends and I started getting suspicious. Turns out he had begun sleeping with someone else after we broke up. I found out by seeing texts between them. He denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater, liar threw him out of my house. He later said it was true but it was just physical but didn’t feel it was cheating since we were broken up so didn’t owe me an explanation.

    I was utterly devastated…did horrible things, sent him emails texts and FB messages that he wasn’t a good person, unstable with low morals, and a liar. I also lied in an email and said I’d slept with another (to make him jealous).I insulted his body, and damaged his self-esteem. feeling of security of about what I truly thought of him. Nothing I said was true, I was just so blinded by anger and fear that I was losing him and he’d been with another.

    He left for two weeks to take care of personal things and said goodbye. We had NC but on his way back he texted that he missed me and knew he loved me. tried to resolve things, he apologized and I apologized for the past.

    We got back together. Then his depression cycle and fear started again. felt he couldn’t be relied upon or worthy, couldn’t be there for family friends or me. Felt suffocated and fear in relationships, and questioned my love for him. Arguments about jealousy of others.. he’d say “I love you” then next day “I can’t do this”. It was a rollercoaster. I tried to defend and got angry for being accused. walked on eggshells choosing my words carefully. I knew he loved me and was struggling inside to find self-worth and security

    Then he re-opened his FB account and saw some of the old angry messages I’d sent months before where I’d insulted him. It brought everything back inside him.. got stressed and angry at me.. There were many arguments. I explained that I sent them because of my fear and anger. But he’d lost all confidence in my words. He said “I need space to work on myself and my anger” but after one week I broke the NC rule and pushed him and said to just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I kept pushing until finally said “Ok then we are broken up, I can’t do it goodbye”.

    I freaked out didn’t give space…. For about 3 days kept fighting for him – very positively, reminded him of how great he is and our amazing connection but also begged him not to leave, and to see that I really did love him. I humiliated myself, kept sending messages and calling, apologizing, pleading, cried..and so on. After 3 days he’s stopped responding.

    Today is day 4 and I am starting NC. He hasn’t blocked my phone or emails, but I won’t contact him. I’m unsure though if it’s over for good or if space will allow him to miss me and reconcile. We don’t live in the same area so no chance to run into each other at public places, and not connected socially online, so during this time he won’t see anything about me to be curious what I’m doing or miss me.

    So I have 4 questions:
    1. Did I damage things so far that he’s gone and I should move on?
    2. How long should I maintain the NC rule? Our situation seems like it should be longer than the standard 30 days but i don’t want to wait too long
    3. What is the best type of message to send him after NC?
    4. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start the NC clock again?
    Thank you, JS

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  16. JS - 0

    JS

    Hi, you’re website is so helpful. Thank you for all your work!

    I need major advice how to move forward! Be warned, my situation is a bit long…. My bf has low self-esteem from his past which gave him major jealousy and insecurity issues. He also can get very depressed and beat himself down. We dated for about 6 months and it was very passionate and intense, there was much love and a deep connection on all levels… sexually, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.

    I inadvertently added fuel to his insecurity and pain, because I once said something positive about my ex-husband early on in our relationship that was misintepreted and my bf took it to mean I didn’t think he was an amazing person or that I desired him the most. He became jealous of my ex-husband. I also one day while with I was with him I responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated. He asked me if i’d slept with that person before I met him and I lied and said no because I was afraid of what he’d think. When I later told him the truth, that I had slept with this person (mind you it was before we met) he flipped out and lost all trust in me. I apologized profusely but he didn’t seem to accept it.

    He tried to hold on, but his insecurity grew to the point where he was uncomfortable going out in public with me for fear I was looking at other men or thought he wasn’t “the one”. There were many accusations and fights all rooted in his jealousy but I NEVER once betrayed him. I feel he is an amazing and beautiful person and I am deeply in love with him.

    At 7 months he said he needed space to work on himself. Kept saying he was not worthy, wasn’t relationship material because of his issues, and needed to resolve some personal situations from his past (family and ex-gf with child). He told me he couldn’t be devoted to me, or relied upon, and that we were not together anymore.

    I tried to give him space, but I was heartbroken, we both broke the NC rule many times including being physical… then he started getting really evasive hiding his phone and any personal details of his whereabouts, making new friends I’d never heard of before and I started getting suspicious. Turns out he had begun sleeping with someone else after we broke up. I found out by seeing texts between them on his phone. He said he wasn’t with anyone else and denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater and a liar and threw him out of my house. He later said it was true he was seeing someone but it was just physical and also he didn’t feel it was cheating since we were broken up. He said he didn’t owe me any explanation because we weren’t an official couple anymore.

    I was utterly devastated and so I did horrible things, sent him a barrage of emails and texts and FB messages that he wasn’t a good person, he was unstable with low morals, and a liar for not telling me he was with another. I also lied in an email and said I’d slept with another (to make him jealous)… I also insulted parts of his body and really damaged his self-worth and feeling of security of about what I truly thought of him. None of the mean things I said were in any way true, I was just so incredibly blinded by anger and fear that I was losing him and that he’d been with another. It was the lowest thing I’d ever done in my life.

    He then left the area for about two weeks to take care of personal things and said goodbye. We had NC during this time… but on his way back to town he texted that he missed me and knew he loved me. We talked a lot and tried to resolve things. He apologized for being with another woman and I accepted his apology. I apologized for my anger and previous behavior but I don’t think he fully accepted it.

    We then got back together I thought things were going well. Then he started getting depressed and the cycle of fear started again. He said he felt he couldn’t be relied upon because he wasn’t worthy, couldn’t support anyone – family friends or me, and felt suffocated and in fear in relationships, and that my love wasn’t true for him.

    Arguments started again about jealousy of others (that didn’t exist) and the push and pull pattern began again – he’d say “I love you” with real passion and then the next day “I can’t do this”. It was a rollercoaster. During all this I made the mistake of trying to defend and got angry for being accused and also walked on eggshells choosing my words carefully so as not to damage his pride or ego. I knew he loved me and was struggling inside to find self-worth and security and I was trying everyday I could to show him I could be trusted and that I was devoted to him.

    Then something really bad happened. He re-opened his FB account and sitting there waiting for him were some of the old angry messages I’d sent months ago where I’d lashed out and insulted him. It brought everything racing back up inside him … he got very depressed and stressed and angry at me that I could have ever said those things. There were many arguments. I explained that I sent them because of my fear and anger that he’d lied and that none of it was true and it was in the past! But he’d totally lost all confidence in my words and wouldn’t accept my remorse or apology.

    He said again “I need space to work on myself and my anger” but after one week I broke the NC rule and pushed him and said to just break up with me if he didn’t love me. I was frustrated to be in the gray area. Many phone calls and texts between us I kept pushing him until finally he said “Ok then we are broken up, I can’t do it goodbye”.

    Yet, I still didn’t give him space…. For about 3 days I kept fighting for him and reminded him of how great he is and our amazing connection and times together, begged him not to leave, and to see that I really did love him and that I’d never betray him. I humiliated myself, kept sending messages and calling, apologizing, pleading, cried..and so on. After 3 days he’s stopped responding to all my contact. I know I pressured him too hard to stay in it and fight for us, until he broke.

    So today is day 4 and I am determined to do the NC rule and take time for myself to heal all the accusations and pain from our past and allow him time to heal and work on himself too.

    He has a lot to work on inside and my being in his life is just a reminder of his fears now. I know he loves me deeply, but is also angry and in pain and needs time to find his self-worth. But I’m afraid he’s doing everything not to deal with the pain and just burying his head in the sand and being alone.

    He never blocked my contact, so I’m sure I could still email, text or call, but I won’t. But now here’s my dilemma I’m not sure if he’s truly broken us up for good and will never want to see me again because I drove him to that point… or if space will allow him to miss me and contact me and possibly consider reconciliation.

    Also note that we don’t live in the same area (he lives an hour and 1/2 away) so we wont run into each other at public places, we also aren’t connected online anywhere, so during this time he won’t see that I’m moving on, improving myself and doing fine, or that I am happy living my life without him. So I’m not sure how he’ll see that or even be curious what I’m doing or miss me.

    So knowing all this, I have these 4 questions:

    1. Did I damage things so far that he’s gone and I should move on?
    2. How long should I maintain the NC rule? Our situation seems like it should be longer than the standard 30 days given his personal issues and my pushing him so hard in the end, but I don’t want to wait too long to where there’s no chance at reconciliation again. How long should I wait to contact?
    3. What is the best way and type of message to send him when the period is over?
    4. If he contacts me during NC and I don’t respond, do I start the NC clock over again?

    Thank you,
    JS

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I haven’t replied because I haven’t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didn’t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

  17. Lily - 0

    Lily

    Hi,

    Me and my ex broke up around 3 weeks ago. We were just together for around 1 month and the break up was really sudden to me. He sent me a long text message saying that he’s not used to being in a relationship and the feeling that someone cares about him a lot makes him pressured and scared.. The thing is, we were still really sweet and stuff 2 days prior to this text message. So I was really shocked. I’m not sure if the NC method would work since we were just together for such a short period of time. Also, if it does, I’m wondering if my ex was already ignoring my last messages since break up would NC still work? As he wouldn’t really notice it..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lily,

      there’s no guarantee that it will work but it’s better than chasing him.. if you are going to do it, just do 21 days..Improve yourself and be active in posting in social media..

  18. Yadi - 0

    Yadi

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago I begged I humiliated myself trying to get him back I finally stopped I started watching videos on how to get my ex back and I heard about the no contact rule my friends would tell me to just stop talking to him and he will eventually miss me but j finally have decided to do it it’s been only 3 days that we completely stopped talking I feel really sad and I miss him a lot I keep going to websites like these or watching videos on how to get my ex back I feel so confused so lost and sad I just have so much hope we will get back together but idk we were together for almost 3 years he said we argued a lot and he didn’t want to be in a relationship where do I go from now should I have hope should I give up should I stick to my plan and do the no contact rule will it actually work ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Yadi,

      Finish no contact rule first. Do 45 days and aim to be the ungettable girl. Not for him but for yourself. Check this:
      The Ungettable Girl

  19. Lou - 0

    Lou

    Hi,

    My partner and I broke up this time last year. I realised I wasn’t being the best version of myself and made some changes and feel like I did all the right things. We got back together two months later. Things were perfect for a while – he looked at me like I was amazing and I must admit I thought we were generally happy until very recently. Life wasn’t so exciting and we had niggles but he made me happy and I enjoyed our life. Two weeks ago he got so angry at me and we had a huge row. He was then very distant and broke up with me two days ago. Prior to this he had started being snappy now and then and, occasionally said I drive him mad and he didn’t know what that meant for our future. I can see why we went wrong but I don’t know if those reasons are fundamental or not. He thinks they are but when we were together I thought they were minor things that if we were both willing to work on, we would be fine. Everyone thinks I’d be mad to go there again now. I know he needs to change some things as well as me. I know neither of us want to be in an endless cycle of breaking up and getting back together. I actually don’t think just doing what I did before will work. He’s smart, he’ll say we tried this and it didn’t work. And he’d be right. I know I have shortcomings I need to think about but I truly believe I need him to take some responsibility this time but he won’t if I don’t make him. He doesn’t have to answer to anyone in his life. He shuts me out and won’t let me have any input into fixing whatever is wrong. And he seems to believe everything should be perfect without any effort. I don’t know what to do or if I can or should do anything. Any advice please?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lou,

      what did you do before? Did you mean the no contact rule? Is it really a no contact rule, or it just so happened you improved yourself?

  20. Maya - 0

    Maya

    Hi,
    My ex and I broke up for the second time a three weeks ago (first time was a rush decision, and we got back together after two weeks, but as you can see, that didn’t turned out well, and we broke up again after three months, for important reason-me not being capable to accept bad things about me and us). Since than we talked once I told him that I understand why he broke up with me and that I’m cool whit that because, honestly, if the brake up haven’t happend I would never realise how unrealistic I was about us. And I know that he loves me and that this was a tuff decision for him, but I think it was necessery in that moment. But now I see what we have actually had and I want to start over again, because I bealive that now I know my mistakes, and his too. The main problem is that we have lots of friends in comon and we stady in the same class, so how can I do no contact period if I have to see him at least two times a week? How to act than?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maya,

      talk to your friends, they’ll understand why you’ll want to be distant from your ex for now.. Just be civil with your ex.. Don’t initiate talks..if he does, reply shortly and politely.. If you need to talk about school stuff, only talk about that

  21. Miles - 0

    Miles

    I asked a question and it doesn’t show up on here

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Miles,

      I think it’s a site problem.. Anyways, it will only be bad if you didn’t improve and if you went back into begging and chasing.

  22. Miles - 0

    Miles

    Hey Amor,
    My two week small no contact turned into a month of no contact. I’m just soo afraid to message her again and have her be dry and not respond well. Is it bad to keep continuing no contact until I’m ready to contact her again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Miles,

      I think it’s a site problem.. Anyways, it will only be bad if you didn’t improve and if you went back into begging and chasing.

    • Miles - 0

      Miles

      So how long can I possibly go without texting her? I saw her for the first time today after 2 months. It was for a quick second at temple and then I left. I’ve been improving a lot. I’ve gone on a couple of dates with another girl and ended up sleeping with her. I’ve been working out and been enjoying my time with friends too!

    • Miles - 0

      Miles

      My questions continue to disappear

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Sorry about that and Thank youI’ll forward it to Chris.. You can text her anytime now.. It will just depend on when you’ll do it..

  23. Louise - 0

    Louise

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 10 weeks ago because “we couldnt make eachother happy anymore”, I think we had been arguing regularly because he started a new job and his priorities had changed and he got bored of that… I did no contact for 30 days, but he didnt try to contact me either. Since then hes been hot and cold, sometimes wanting to start a conversation, and then sometimes abruptly ending one. We eventually met up for a drink two days ago, and it went well.. I was confident and I asked him lots about his life, not giving too much away about my own.. at the end when we said goodbye he held on so long on the hug and I genuinely thought he might kiss me. When I got home I messaged him saying it had been nice to see him, but he hasn’t responded, or reached out since.. what do I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Louise,

      how much did you improve during the no contact period? Are you still continuing the activities you started in it? After the no contact period, how long did you build rapport before asking out?

    • Louise - 0

      Louise

      Hi Amor,

      I improved myself mentally so much, build up a great set of friends around me and yes I still see them regularly. Its been difficult to commit to a fitness regime overhaul or anything like that as I have an exam coming up I have to spend time working towards.

      After no contact I tried to build raport but it didnt go well.Then around three weeks after NC he messaged me. We build some raport over the next couple of weeks but it was quite little. In the end I just went straight to asking to go for a drink because I didn’t think he was responding well enough to messages that that would get anywhere.

      Update on the situation, its now been 5 days and still no response. I even forwarded on an article about a shared interest, casually.. and he has completely ignored that too. Its really hurtful and its making me feel like this is also hopeless

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah, it’s not looking good. I think you should rest for two weeks before initiating again, if he still doesn’t respond after that, it means you have to move on.

    • Louise - 0

      Louise

      Hi Amor,

      So you think its hopeless and I cant win him back? Its so difficult because I literally didnt do anything wrong, there was no cheating no lying on my part…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      He lost attraction..Rest for twoo weeks first..if it doesn’t work out, maybe it’s just not the right time

    • Louise - 0

      Louise

      Hi Amor,
      Thank you for your advice. I havent spoken since, its been a week or so. I will happily do another no contact for maybe 4 weeks, as realistically I’m going to be really busy with Christmas and work and family so it wont be a problem for me… After this, if I still want to win him back, do you have any recommendations (an article on here, or just some tips?) for regaining attraction?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Most of the time, ironically, it’s the women who chose to move on that has the higher chance of getting their ex back because they chose to make everything better and be independent.. They became the ungettable girl in their ex’s eyes.. So, keep in mind that you have to aim and maintain being an ungettable girl..

  24. Jen - 0

    Jen

    Hi guys, I need some quick help.
    My boyfriend & I almost broke up a day ago — I suggested some time apart. He agreed. Then, 24 hours later, I emailed him a brief thing, telling him that I love him, I’m thankful for him, etc. etc… since it’s almost Thanksgiving.
    We are both in high school. I am one grade level older, and we’ve dated for 7 months.
    He hasn’t responded to that email.
    Prior to that email, I just asked if he’s feeling alright — he said, “Yeah, I’m ok.” And that was that.
    Should I REALLY cut off the contact now? I think his interest in me is fading, but I’ll be sure to follow Chris’ advice on here. I have other guys to choose from at my school, but I just feel that he’s the best one for me. And, of course, I truly love him a lot.
    Thank you!

    Reply
  25. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    Hi,
    I am together with my boyfriend 2 years. And it has been rough the last months. He says he doesn’t have the feelings to me anymore, cause he thinks he should always have love feelings. (also he said he didn’t really have them at the beginning like that ” in love” stage. he just really liked me and was interested in me. of course we have shared some really nice times and so on but right now its just hurtful to see how this person just wants to get me out of his life so fast, seems like he wants that no contact phase more than me)
    So we broke up cause he doesnt want anything anymore. we live together but I am looking for a place to stay. and we work together. so anyways I will be seeing him a lot.
    I read all this article and I think its helpful, just how to do in my situation with no contact since we will have contact anyway? what if I move away and he likes that and doesn’t miss me at all? (probably insecurity question)

    Reply
  26. Carl - 0

    Carl

    Hi,
    Even though this is website is BOYfriend recovery I’d like some opinions on what to do to get my ex-girlfriend back. It’s really simple actually, just a quick tip on an unavoidable situation. I’ve been practicing the no contact rule for 13 days now and though I feel confident enough to talk to her right now (the break-up was a month ago) I don’t want to disrespect the 30 days minimum rule. The thing is that we will have to see each other next thursday and next monday at least since we will have to do an exam for college in the same room. My question is: how do I procceed? Do I avoid her and try to stay as far as possible or do I come up and say hi?
    I plan to implement all the steps listed above after completing the 30 days rule. What should be my move in the situation I described?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Carl,
      don’t initiate a conversation but be civil and polite with her.. If she initiates, give short, direct but polite replies

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