This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t.

We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him desperate to get back with you, I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have!

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Well, I intend to give you plenty of value and cover off on some new ideas and tactics that you can put to use right now! Actual strategies that allow you to get him back without looking desperate.

This major guide is aimed at giving you practical and actionable ideas to accomplish just that.  This major Guide will be divided into 4 Major Parts, with many headings and an almost endless list of ideas and tactics you can put to use today!

So enjoy and reach out to me in the Comment Section if you have any questions about winning back your ex boyfriend.

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Part 1: Learning How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

What We Will Be Covering in this Get Your Ex Back Guide

    • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
    • 10 Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back To You
    • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex Bf
    • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
    • What To Do & What Not To Do to Make Him The Desperate One
    • What To Do If Your Boyfriend Cheated On You
    • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
    • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
    • How To Define Your Dating Goals
    • How No Contact Fits Into Your Ex Back Strategy
    • How To First Reach Out To Your Ex Boyfriend
    • How You Go About Finally Having The First In Person Meeting

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

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10 New Ways To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back As Quickly As Possible Without Looking Desperate!

1. Don’t Be In Such a Hurry To Try And Get Him Back – It’s a Mistake!

I know.  You are thinking to yourself, “look, I came here to find out the fastest way possible to get my ex boyfriend back where he belongs.  I have to have him back”.  But trust me, things are probably pretty crazy right now if you are just coming out of the breakup, so don’t make it worse by rushing through things, being overly impulsive , and doing or saying something you will regret later.

2. Keep a Journal – It Can Help You Deal Better With the Onslaught of the Break Up Emotions.

Right now is your time.  While your instincts are to obsess over your ex boyfriend and run through your mind over and over again as to what you did wrong, you have to stop thinking this way.  So what I want you to do is start writing down your vision of the future and what you want.  Don’t think so much about what happened in the past, but focus on what you are going to do to start healing.

3. Avoid The Temptation To Text and Call Him

I am going to warn you now.  You will be possessed by this intense desire to contact him.  If only you could talk to him, you think, you would just explain everything and all would be forgotten.  Well, it seldom works that way.  Chances are your efforts will be ignored which will just make you feel worse.  Or you will successfully reach your ex boyfriend and he and you will end up having a heated or disappointing conversation, leaving you feeling bad and rejected yet again.  It’s almost always a no win situation because neither one of you are well equipped right now to deal with your emotional states.  So just cool your heels and keep reading!

4. Become The Ungettable Girl Because That is Truly What Your Ex Boyfriend Wants – Even If He Doesn’t Know It Yet!

The best way to optimize your chances of getting your ex bf back is to become Ungettable Girl.  You want to increase your value in his eyes and also make it difficult for him to reach you, talk to you, and see you.  This is just a small part of becoming the Ungettable Girl.  It’s also about making yourself beautiful in his eyes from afar.  He can see you, but now it is at a distance (through Snap chat, Facebook, etc).   Slowly over time, your ex boyfriend will crave you and you will do things to ensure that he feels that craving every day by using little jealousy ploys and rumors and chance encounters.  Your ex boyfriend loves nothing more than a good chase – so give him one.

5. Understand How To Use Radio Silence To the Benefit of Your Ex Boyfriend

A lot of people think that when they implement Radio Silence (No contact) with their Ex Bf, that it is all about denying them or punishing them.  But that is not it at all.  It is really about allowing your Ex Boyfriend time to get over his anger and resentment and sort through his feelings.  Make no mistake, bitterness is usually just hovering over a break up couple and your guy might be holding on to his fair share. So allow for some space.  Once the ugly thoughts are out of his mind, the good thoughts and memories will eventually return as he will most assuredly start missing you, sometimes terribly.

6. Be Creative in Your Efforts To Attract Your Ex Bf

Sometimes you have to get creative to get through your ex boyfriend’s thick skull.  He may be one of those stubborn ones who figures that he will wait for you to make the first move. He might just need a stimulus.  Read about it in in #7 below!

7. Stay One Step Ahead of Your Ex Boyfriend

Consider picking up something that he doesn’t have.  It’s called “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” and is probably one of the finest ebooks I have written on this topic of ex recovery.  What better advantage is there than having a Companion Guide that helps you with just about any situation you might face.

8. Don’t Try To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Oddly enough, many of my clients were successful in re-establishing contact with their ex boyfriends by simply not even trying.  They didn’t do anything except move forward with their lives, focusing on bettering themselves personally and professionally.  In a way, it is a form of what I call Passive No Contact or Passive Radio Silence.  It works for some people.  They figure that if their boyfriend dropped them, then so be it and instead of becoming dependent and addicted to their ex boyfriend, they choose to embrace other things in their life, doing those things they want to do and accomplish. Then as they focus on those things and have success, often times their ex boyfriends show up realizing they made a huge mistake letting their girlfriend go.

9. Contact Me and Get Some Personalized Coaching

Sometimes the break up is so unique or troubling or complex, that it requires some specialized coaching.  Or sometimes, people do better if they can talk to someone who is an expert at helping folks with their relationship troubles.  Well, if you fall into that category, then you are in luck.  All you need to do is reach out to me (i.e. click Coaching Services in my website’s Menu Section) and I am sure we can work out something!

10. You Might Benefit From Joining My Private Facebook Group and/or Picking Up the Texting Bible

You know something is wrong if you are always crying or feeling bad about what has happened and you can quite get over it.  You also know it can be frustrating when you can seem to figure out what to text or what to say to your ex bf.  Well, the solution is you can join my Private Facebook Support Group and/or pick up your copy of the Texting Bible and get the emotional support and answers your need.

Using The  No Contact Rule To Lure Your Ex Boyfriend Back Into Your Arms!

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we get into some of the soul searching you will want to do or discuss serious strategies you will want to consider, let’s talk a bit about the advantages of  implementing  the no contact rule.  In Part 2 of this Guide, we are going to talk a lot more about this Principle.

But given its importance to your overall strategic aims, let’s discuss it’s role in the aftermath of a break up and how you can leverage it to your full advantage.

The No Contact Rule involves means you are not going to be  texting your ex, talking, and especially not  stalking your ex for about a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your boyfriend out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it.

Do you remember earlier when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The Reasons Why No Contact Works on Your Boyfriend After a Break Up

Reason #1: Helping You Get Through the Pain of What Happened Between You and Your Ex Boyfriend

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

Reason #2: Helping Your Ex Boyfriend Realize You Have Value and Should Be Missed

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.

Reason #3: Learning To Ignore Your Ex Bf Works in Your Favor When he is Angry or Resentful

He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

2 Special Cases Where You Have To Contact Your Ex Bf During No Contact

(Oh, just an FYI. I actually recently put together a massive book on the no contact rule. Check it out.)

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

Case 1: If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

Case 2: If You and Your Boyfriend Have Kids Together

The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

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What Caused The Breakup Between You and Your Ex Boyfriend?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On What Your Ex Boyfriend Probably Thinks

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

5 Reasons Why Your Ex Boyfriend Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks and when your boyfriend decides he doesn’t want you anymore it just tears you apart from the inside out. I feel for you but don’t worry because we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex boyfriend gave you for why he chose to break up is really why he decided to let you go. This may sound a bit mean, but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

So, let’s get to it!

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

1. Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

2. You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

3. Your boyfriend’s emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

4. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.

5. Your Boyfriend Was Cheating on You So He Decide To End It With You

Sometimes guys will think they have just fallen head over heals for someone else.  But sometimes the truth is that it’s not love, bit just pure sex.  So you may be wondering, how will I ever get my ex back if he is hooking up with some other girl.  Well, we are going to get into all that, but for now, just know that sometimes boyfriends will wander off either because they are lured away or that just have not yet learned that they are risking blowing up the good thing they have going with you.

(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

5 Reasons Why Girls End It With Their Boyfriends (But Now You Want Him Back)

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

1. You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

2. You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

3. Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

4. You don’t feel attracted to your boyfriend anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

5. There was a big fight with him and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

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Defining Your Goals Helps You With Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

      • Saying you will die without him.
      • That he’s your whole life.
      • You’ll never find someone better.
      • Your not happy alone.
      • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

      • The breakup was a rash decision.
      • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
      • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
      • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

Part 2 – What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up as this is an extremely important section. Remember when we talked abut how you are going to implement the no contact rule for about a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

      • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebook communications or writing your ex boyfriend.
      • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
      • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
      • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
      • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

      • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
      • Staying home and not going out.
      • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
      • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
      • Making big life decisions.
      • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes Can Attract To Your Ex Boyfriend

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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6 Physical Changes You Can Make To Arouse Your Ex Boyfriend

1. You can change your hairstyle

I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

2. Get in shape

There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

3. Clean up your diet

Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

4. Update your wardrobe

I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

5. Clean up your smile

No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

6. Clean up any skin problems you have

If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes That Can Help You Regain Your Confidence And Feel Good About Yourself

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

5 Mental Changes You Can Make To Help You Cope With Your Ex Boyfriend Break Up

1. Focus on work and Recreation, Not Your Ex

It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

2. Renew a hobby

I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

3. Write in a journal

Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

4. Have fun

If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

5. Reconnect with friends

Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

To learn more about what other changes you can make during the no contact rule please check out my newest book,

The No Contact Rule Book

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)

This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word About using Radio Silence (No Contact) To Heal

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

 Part 3:  How Should You First Make Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting As Your Initial Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

Should You Call Your Ex on the Phone?

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter To Your Ex Boyfriend

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalker like and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.

What About Texting Your Ex Boyfriend

Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texting is the communication highway for today’s couples. You and your boyfriend probably texted each other all the time and rarely shared them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

The Game Plan Around Building Attraction With Your Ex Boyfriend

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

10 Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex boyfriend, there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Let’s take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient. Remember it is about making small, incremental moves and steps.  Together they build a tapestry of attraction.

The Best First Contact Text Message For That Stubborn Ex Boyfriend of Yours

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

(Quick Sidenote: If you want a much more in-depth look at the process of texting an ex boyfriend I encourage you to take a look at “The Texting Bible.”

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big Break Up No-No’s

      • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
      • You can’t get angry or upset.
      • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
      • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
      • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
      • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

      • You have to be positive
      • You have to be confident
      • Again, don’t expect anything.
      • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
      • The messages can’t be too long.
      • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

5 BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts You Shouldn’t Use on Your Ex Bf

      • One Word Texts-
      • “hey…”
      • “Hello”
      • “What’s Up”
      • “Hi”

You get the gist here I hope.

2 GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts That Gain His Attention!

1. For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

2. For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:

“Thxs”
“Great”
“Interesting”

Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response From Your Ex

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

Remembering The Good Times With Your Ex Boyfriend

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

5 Big No-No’s When Composing Your Text Message For Your Ex Bf

      • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
      • You can’t get angry or upset.
      • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
      • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
      • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say To Him

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”

or

Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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2 GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response From Your Guy?

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

How To Use Jealousy Against Your Ex Boyfriend To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. It certainly was in my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

3 Key Rules When Employing Jealousy Against Your Ex Boyfriend

      • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
      • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
      • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy With The One Who Left You

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

5 Heart To Heart Text Conversations You Can Start With Your Ex Boyfriend

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

6 Important Things To Remember

      • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
      • You can’t get angry or upset.
      • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
      • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
      • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
      • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

Part 4: Taking THE Final Risk To Win Back Your Ex Boyfriend

taking-risk

Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan Is To Call him

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

8 Guidelines For Calling Your Ex Boyfriend

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
NEVER CALL MORE THAN ONCE A DAY.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

2 Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Beg,
Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

So if you have worked hard to bring your ex boyfriend back into the picture and progress is being made on multiple communication fronts, then take an opportunity and drop him a little not.  Nothing over the top.  Nothing about making a relationship commitment. You don’t want to spook your ex bf. We will talk about that in another post.  Just something that cements you enjoyed yourself.  Keep it light!

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

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8,557 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Avatar

    Cici

    October 10, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    My boyfriend decided instead on hurting me he would break up with me because he felt he couldn’t stay faithful and he didn’t want to hurt me. Things haven’t always been easy. But I was there for him more than anyone in his life has and he has told me that so much. He wants me to love myself more he wants me to be confident and to grow. He feels he’s a mess and that I can do better. I love this man and I want nothing more than to be with him. We have to live together for at least 10 months though and he said he will always love me he said he wants to be with me but he can’t give me what I deserve and we can’t predict the future maybe one day we will get back together but right now no. He said he wants me to live my life and that he will be my friend….I just feel lost broken and I don’t know what to do. I want to do what he says but I want him back. We’ve been through so much and looking past anything negative about him is the man I love and know I want to be with I know it’ll take time but please how do I start on the right path to getting him back…we JUST broke up last night..

  2. Avatar

    Cici

    October 10, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    So what if we have to live together and we are staying friends how do I go about implementing these steps when we are in the same house for at least 10 month.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 10, 2020 at 3:45 pm

      Hi Cici, this is where you would have to follow the limited no contact, you can find articles on this website to help you

  3. Avatar

    Monica

    October 6, 2020 at 5:34 pm

    How long would you say it takes to get from the first text after NC to meeting up (if it gets that far)? How often should texting occur after the first text? Or can it vary greatly? My ex is dating a new girl, and we have had about 50 days of NC.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 6, 2020 at 7:43 pm

      Hi Monica, you need to reach out after your 50 days NC and start the being there method. You need to start building rapport with your ex. As for “how long” I could not give you an exact time frame as the variable factors. Your ex may take longer to warm to you, you may not find the texting phase easy to create an organic flow for a while. You need to spend some more time reading articles as for how often should texting occur etc. All the information is on this website.

  4. Avatar

    Jennifer

    September 29, 2020 at 2:05 am

    Reading this has made my nerves relax. I was going crazy.

  5. Avatar

    Scarlet

    September 22, 2020 at 1:36 pm

    Hi so my guy and I have been dating for 5 years, there were a few breaks in there. We were back together, but then lockdown happened and some other things which ultimately lead to us separating in June we hadn’t talked until late August when I reached out because I had had time to realize I need him and want him more than I knew. He had already started another relationship, but broke it off with her after I reached out and we began seeing each other again. He began telling me how much he loved me and how happy he was to have me back. Well after 3 weeks he began acting distant and not really asking me to hang out as much and when I questioned him about it he said he was feeling off and felt that our bond was no longer there. I asked him what he wanted to do about it and he said he needed some space. We decided to wait a week and then spend the following weekend together with just him and I. He has not spoken to me since we had that conversation 3 days ago and I’m very concerned that this is not going to end well. HELP!!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 6, 2020 at 10:16 am

      Hi Scarlet, you need to allow your guy to have some space! Working on yourself in that time. Read more articles that are relevant to your situation and apply this information. The most important factor is that you put yourself first and aim to become the Ungettable girl

  6. Avatar

    Andrea

    September 19, 2020 at 7:13 am

    Thank you for giving such detailed and helpful advice before one even reads your books, its a great appetiser for what lies ahead. You’re honestly amazing

  7. Avatar

    Andrea

    September 19, 2020 at 7:12 am

    You’re honestly amazing and really helpful, thank you for giving such detailed preadvice even before one has read your books

  8. Avatar

    Buhle

    September 16, 2020 at 8:10 am

    I have been dating my bf for 7 months of which they were good. We had our great times together but my problem is that I have anger issues from the past Hurst. Of which sometimes if be sarcastic with him or talk back at him or raise my temper with him. He was very patient with me and we loved each other very much. He introduced me to his friends and family and I also introduced him to my parents. The last time we had we had a fight about my anger issues was in June that is when he started distancing himself from me. When we spoke about it his words were “I tried to bring myself to make this relationship work but most of the times I find know if we’re going left or right, I know you love me but this is not working for me”. It tore me apart and when I call him he would say “give this relationship sometime, work on yourself only time will tell if you changed or not”. But recently he is not calling or texting, nothing. He even ignores my calls. He told his friends that he loves me but I should work on my behavior. But I think that he has a GF now as his cousin told me. How do I win my man back? I honestly love him and regret ever being that harsh with him. I didn’t do it on purpose though, mostly it was because I was loosing my job of which I took out my frustrations on him. Please help. I’m on no contact at the moment since Sunday it’s now my 4th day. Please help.

  9. Avatar

    Elly

    September 13, 2020 at 1:30 pm

    Hi,
    my boyfriend broke up with me last September 11,2020. We supposedly 5 yrs in relationship next month. He said, We need to rest. He have a lot of pain in his heart. He needs time. And I really want him back. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 2, 2020 at 9:05 pm

      Hi Elly, start following the program starting with a No Contact

  10. Avatar

    Aaku

    September 10, 2020 at 1:10 pm

    Hello,
    My boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks that i am cheating him. He dont want to talk to me. I gave him time about a week but he doest want me back in his life. what should i do to get him back and bulid trust in him ….

  11. Avatar

    Jesselle Calanday

    September 8, 2020 at 2:29 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me 7 days ago. Now looking back on the messages I sent him after that for 5 days straight I can say that I sounds so crazy and absolutely needy and desperate. I just finished reading what has been written in here and wow It made me feel a lot better. Since, we aren’t talking for two days now and we are not friends on any sort of social media’s, I’ll absolutely apply the no contact rule from now too. I am missing him though but after reading about no contact rule and what should and I shouldn’t do after break up, I think I learned a lot. Thankyou so much 🙂

  12. Avatar

    Sophie

    August 29, 2020 at 11:56 am

    Hello. I started seeing a wonderful man in October last year. Things were going great. We went on regular dates and were in touch daily. Then the pandemic hit. We both live with parents and we haven’t seen each other since March. We have stayed in touch this whole time and then last week he said he’s starting to lose feelings. It’s not surprising as we can’t see each other due to lockdown. There was no big fallout, we had an honest chat and he said he can’t be in this limbo state of not being able to date me but maybe we should meet up after lockdown depending where we are both at in our lives. He said the situation with me was making him anxious. He listed all the reasons I’m perfect for him and said he wishes we’d met after the pandemic so we could have had a proper shot. We haven’t spoken since we had that chat a week ago. I’m devastated. I feel it’s been taken away from us and I don’t know what to do. We did at one point talk about meeting up during lockdown but decided we didn’t want to see each other from a distance so we didn’t bother. I don’t know what to do now. We hadn’t defined our relationship before all this but we were just at the exciting dates stage. I am still in local lockdown but he is not. I miss him. Please help…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 11, 2020 at 8:09 pm

      Hi Sophie, I would suggest that you go into a no contact now and work on yourself in that time, you’ve had an emotional conversation so ideally you would need to hit the reset button with the NC.

  13. Avatar

    Sally

    August 29, 2020 at 10:15 am

    Hello,
    Me and my boyfriend broke up a month ago because I caught a text message on his phone from another girl that saying she loves him. He never accepted cheating on me and blamed me for not trusting him. He dumped me immediately. We had on and off relationship a few years back and he had a few girls during this time. He is older than and lives 2 hours away from me. Our relationship was very good at the beginning, but after I got something from him, I needed to get treatment and we could not sleep together for 6 months. During this time I think he found someone to sleep. Now, he is not picking up my phone and not replying my texts. Eventually, he blocked me. Do you think he will call me again and want to come back to me again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 7, 2020 at 9:36 pm

      Sally, it sounds like you need to accept that he is not that good of a guy if he is cheating on you and then blames you for it! He’s given you an STI and STILL cheats. Run sweetie, you can find better!

  14. Avatar

    Merlinda

    August 28, 2020 at 4:44 am

    My ex (21) and I (19 we are actually just a year apart in age but his birthday already passed during the no contact phase) we were together for very little over a year. Recently he had been getting more tired and not willing to go out as much as his work hours had gotten longer and he was now working weekends as well (he previously had them off and usually would be home on weekdays at 3 but now it’s like 6 or even 8) (he is a construction working working for his dad) in the beginning of our relationship he was very sweet and used always tell me how much he loved me and missed me when I was away and he looked forward to seeing me. he was always tired and I cut him a lot of slack and tried not to given him crap for always cancelling because I knew work was taking a toll on him and he wanted to help his dad because he felt it was his job to keep his dad work light for his dads well being. We always talked about what we wanted out of life like we already had an idea of what we wanted in regards of when to get married kid names and house with dogs and such. He at first asked me to break up temporarily he said it needed to be a break up because he needed to be single but he promised he would be back in three weeks. Cut to a week and a half in he breaks up with me for real through text and then a phone call because I called him. He said he needed to figure some things out and work on himself and that during this time he didn’t want to be with any girls other than for being friends but he told me to move on at my own pace because he didn’t want me waiting for him because he didn’t know how long it would take. He also asked if he could keep “certain pictures of me” I didn’t care so I said sure. He also joked about friends with benefits and I said idk maybe but I don’t think I could not string a attached and he said you won’t know if you don’t try. He said that he talked to him brother and felt maybe we were right people just wrong time and said we should try and be friends after like a month. Two days later I got pushed into calling him by a guy friend and he said that it was too soon he yelled at me through text saying forget about being friends. He said that my friend was just making things worse and simpin for me. He said the message was too soon. And during this messaging he also said a month would have been perfect. (Idk if he meant that as in getting together or to try and be friends) but later that night he messaged me saying he was sorry for being rude but it was too early I told him I was sorry about pushing and how my friend had jumped in. I told him to take care and he told me goodnight take care. I have done the no contact for about three weeks now I and going to do it for a month so after sept 5th my no contact period of 30 days is up but idk what to do. We agreed to keep each other on social media but then 1 week and a half into the no contact his brother unfollowed me on Instagram and then so did he and then so did his other brother. I gave no reaction. He still has me on Facebook and what apps and I still have his number. I don’t use Facebook or WhatsApp often and he has stopped watching any statues I post on WhatsApp. Idk what to do. During this period of no contact I thrived to be better talking and hanging out with friends more living a more fun life finishing my college semester (note he broke with me the week of my dads 2nd death anniversary which he knew and right before final exams but I pulled through) I also got a tattoo (for me nothing related to him) his sister still followed me on Instagram but he only sees my posts not stories I’m pretty sure he isn’t using he to check up on me. I know our relationship wasn’t pretty I definitely was insecure for a time but I had moved past that but I know had pushed him away at times but that was a while back. I want to get him back. And I have been watching and reading everything on getting your ex back and idk if anyone could give me advice it would be extremely appreciated. I know I don’t need him to be happy in life but I want him in life. I’m a person that life has kicked in the ass a lot and he knew this and said that we would be together forever and that was a fact and he would not fade like every other thing in my life

  15. Avatar

    E

    August 5, 2020 at 3:19 pm

    My love and I met when he was working abroad a year ago (18 aug), and was trying to move back here to me (uk). Things didnt go well (my ex is to present, I got clingy, he got jealous) and he stepped back… for 2mths! For the last 6wks he didnt see me or call but texted daily. Sometimes it was a good chatty flirty day, sometimes a bad silent or squabbling day. Eventually he asked me out for dinner. We were going last Friday but then he said to stay at his to avoid the virus… I said but I want to go out as I’ve bought a new dress specially… he said let’s postpone it till saturday. BUT… I was dressed and couldnt take another day of waiting… I turned up. At his house. 1am!!! He was very angry. He let me stay but on the sofa. We did talk and I did explain a lot and he seemed to listen and we chatted for hours in the morning about his Hope’s and dreams in life. But then he just said he felt I was trapping him and I shouldnt have come and was causing him stress. He actually asked me to leave… even though originally we were spending the weekend together. I left. He continued to message me 5 times that day and I apologised saying I felt silly and had misread the situation and thought i was being cute turning… he said not to feel bad he just had to sort himself out now… later he brought up my ex on fb again and I responded suggesting we talk.

    Sunday morning he messaged for the final time. No passion. No jealousy. No future. Just an apology about his previous text and that what I did in my life was not his business.

    I didnt respond. He hasn’t contacted. Do I have a chance? Could I have killed it in one blow? Can NC help me now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 5, 2020 at 11:38 pm

      Hey E, if you start following the information on this website and use it to show your ex you are doing great (using social media to show what you are doing with your life) and then reach out to your ex at the end of your No Contact period to reconnect and then rebuild your connection, understand that this program is a process that you need to follow with a lot of self control and patience.

  16. Avatar

    Mari

    August 4, 2020 at 12:22 pm

    Hello,
    My boyfriend of eight years broke up with me about two weeks. He said that he he needed to find himself, that I deserved better, and that if we were meant to be we would be. A week later he texted me saying that he wants to be there for me and I can contact him whenever and that all he has for me is love. I havent contacted him since then because I was trying to give him space. But yesterday he went on social media and posted saying he was now single and over the whole love thing. I know he is trying to get my attention but our lives were so intertwined, we still have our phone lines connected together. This is the second time we break up . Im just so confused because we started talking about marriage and kids and what not. Im not sure what to do or if theres still a chance for us?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 7:03 pm

      Hey Mari, so for him to post something like that at the time then he must have been feeling emotional about the situation and wanted to reassure himself that he was sure of his decision. It is just showing his emotions slightly. Make sure that you are following a no contact before you speak with him again and do not watch things that he posts online for some time, its not your fault if it is on news feed for example, but no going to his page directly or watching his stories.

  17. Avatar

    Christine

    July 28, 2020 at 8:55 am

    Hello,

    My boyfriend and I were together for almost 2 years. Yesterday was our 2nd year anniversary. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We were in a long-distance relationship but we moved in together 6 months prior to the breakup. He lost his job and was struggling to find something new that he can work on. In the process, we started to grow apart as he became very bitter towards his whole situation and I became the victim of his constant bickering. And then the pandemic happens, and I was asked to work from home. And with this arrangement, we are literally together 24/7. Which made the situation of our relationship worst as we basically do not have our own space. We fought a lot, mostly about his frustration about him not liking his situation, etc. He never once spoke about our fights etc. Then 3 weeks ago, he decided that he had enough of my country and decided to fly back to his home country and said that is the end of our relationship. When I asked him the reason for the breakup, he said he just does not love me anymore. We had a big fight. I begged, cried, try to talk him out of the breakup, but nothing works. He seems very clear about his decision. But 3 days before he left, we managed to talk things out and promise each other to spend the last 3 days of us together remembering those good times we had. And we did, like as if we hadn’t broken up. He told me that he loves me and gave me a tight hug, right before he board the car to the airport. Since he left, he contacted me every day to check on me and asked me how I am doing. He said he is struggling himself, but he kept saying, in time, both of us will be OK. I remained in contact with him, but my messages to him are mostly short and only reply a few hours after his message. But one day, I lose it and asked him about him telling me that he loves me before he left and if he meant it. He said he meant it, but that does not mean we need to be together. And since then, I did not reply to any of his messages after that. He was worried and asked me to please reply to him.

    I replied to him after 4 days and told him I needed space. He understands. Since then, he initiated to message me every day without fail. The messages are normally about normal daily stuff that we normally share. Nothing about getting back together etc.

    So my question is, where do I go from here? I would really love to have him back. But I am not understanding his intention by maintaining contact but not wanting to talk about our relationship. Every time I bring it up (first week of the break-off), he will always say, let’s work and focus on ourselves first and let’s see how it goes. Do I just play along and reply to his messages and move on and work on myself? Or do I just ignore and initiate the no contact rule? Do you think he still has feelings for me and needed time to sort out himself before he can focus on our relationship? I do not know what to feel right now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 8:50 pm

      Hi Christine, we actually suggest in this program that you reach out and have conversations with your ex about interests of theirs and just general interesting conversations where also say do not speak about your past relationship, the break up or about getting back together. This is about re connecting and getting to know them again without making it about “getting them back” for the short term. You need them to invest time in talking to you and getting to know you again realising they made a mistake to leave you

  18. Avatar

    VS

    July 27, 2020 at 9:28 pm

    Hello…
    My boyfriend and I were together for two and a half years. We were working on moving out together and once we made that final decision it seemed as though things began to fall apart. Our conversations were only about one thing and it was a constant back and forth. I couldn’t unsee us not living together but still being together and I feel like that pushed him away even more. To the point that he says he’s “unhappy” and “doesn’t feel the same anymore”. It’s been three weeks since the break up but we’ve been in contact one way or another (still with the back and forth). Is there a chance that this program will work? I’m still in hope that things could work out for us and scared to lose him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 27, 2020 at 9:41 pm

      Hey VS yes the program can work but it must start with a strict No Contact where you do not reach out or reply to your ex whatsoever for at least 30days

  19. Avatar

    Dianga

    July 27, 2020 at 12:59 am

    My boyfriend and I had been dating for a year and a half. Things changed when we started living together. He one day told me I should move out and that he doesn’t see the relationship working out. I begged him and did all sort of crazy stuff. He one day told a mutual friend that he never loved me and that he really misses his ex that they dated for six years and that he also regrets breaking up with another ex for me and they had dated for one year. It has been two hectic months since the break up with a lot of ugly things happening. He told a friend that he needs to figure his stuff out but we are completely done. He said after a few months he thinks of rekindling stuff with an ex,he didn’t specify who but made it completely clear that it is not me. I am also trying to figure out why he only brought my clothes back but left other things that solely belong to me in the house and shows no sign of bringing them,still wears his ring that I bought him and some of my hoodies and t shirts. He is also still using my phone that I lent him. If he feels completely nothing for me,why is he still holding on to those stuff? He told a friend that he will be moving to a new town. I wonder what he will do with my stuff? Is there a sign there or something between us that is why he has not let go of my stuff?. Do I still have a chance? I am doing the no contact rule and I am actually on day 4 and determined and committed to do the 30 days.

  20. Avatar

    RC

    July 24, 2020 at 4:20 am

    Hi,
    My bf and I have been in a relationship for 10 years. Last week I got a feeling that something’s off. When we talked 2 days ago, he explained the past one year of our relationship with him has bern hard for him. He started to lose feelings towards me and feels our relationship is flat. Then he met this girl and started to develop feelings for her. He tried to deny that and didn’t pursue with this girl. Until about 5 months ago he decided his feelings for her is something he can’t ignore. Then they’ve started being in a relationship for 4 months. On the other hand, my ex still cares about not wanting to hurt me during this difficult time (pandemic), we do small talk, eat together, but keeping our distance. He planned to tell me once we’re stable post covid-19. Turns out I just found out earlier. We still live together and act normal but only talk when necessary. so not sure how to implement No Contact period. I still want him back despite what happened. Is his current relationship considered as serious/rebound? Do I stand a chance? Will he comes back to me even he told me he chooses her more than I am?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 24, 2020 at 9:31 am

      Hey RC, so rather than think of this as a rebound think of it as grass is greener syndrome. So he thinks she is more exciting, more fun, the “new” thing for him to be happy. Relationships go through dips and hard times. It is always about how you handle the situation at the time. He led you to believe all was well and then he looked for attention from else where. While you are living together you need to follow a limited no contact, but I would suggest that you look for a route so that you are not around each other so much, he may not want to hurt you, but he has. Read articles about limited no contact, grass is greener, and being ungettable.

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