The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

I Am Going To Coach You… For FREE!

And that’s where I come in!

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Oh, and if you were wondering “Jennifer Christina” is my wife 😉 .

This is another Facebook testimonial from someone who is on the Private Facebook Group.

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If you are interested in joining my Free On Demand Coaching please click the link below,

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What This Page Is About

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

February 1, 2017

1 - The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.

First

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

Second

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.

IMPORTANT:

He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

(Oh, just an FYI. I actually recently put together a massive book on the no contact rule. Check it out.)

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

2 - What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.

Cheating:

(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

3 - What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

To learn more about what other changes you can make during the no contact rule please check out my newest book,

The No Contact Rule Book

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)

This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

4 - Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.

Texting

Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

5 - The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

6 - Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

7 - First Contact Text Message

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

(Quick Sidenote: If you want a much more in-depth look at the process of texting an ex boyfriend I encourage you to take a look at “The Texting Bible.”

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-

“hey…”

“Hello”

“What’s Up”

“Hi”

You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:

“Thxs”
“Great”
“Interesting”

Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

8 - Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”

or

Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

9 - How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. It certainly was in my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

10 - The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

11 - Taking THE Risk

taking-risk

Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
NEVER CALL MORE THAN ONCE A DAY.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Beg,
Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

12 - The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

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  1. Chris - 0

    Chris

    I am in a pickle and don’t know how to address or handle the situation. I met a guy approx 10 months ago. We had gone on a few dates, and everything was going well. We had great conversations, dates, etc. Out of nowhere, we started to be harassed by an ex of his through social media that was obsessed with him. At the time he didn’t know who it was, and so we had exchanged a few words cause I didn’t understand why someone would do this or behave this way. I had lost trust in him cause of this individuals behaviour and the lack of answers from him. I was never rude, or disrespectful. Probably a little more understanding than I should have been. It was so bad that we had to change our phone numbers, and I had to delete my social media for an extended period of time, but before doing so, we got into a heated conversation where I called him out, and he in return blocked and deleted me. Even after us not talking for 7 plus months the harassment continued. Later to find out it was a brother and sister (long story) doing all the harassment cause they didn’t like him. I’ve wanted to reach out to him, but at the same time don’t feel that I should. He was a good guy, and the possibility of anything progressing was denied, and we stopped talking – we didn’t have a lot invested in each other (we hadn’t only been talking and hanging out for a few months). Do I email him or just let it be? If he wanted to talk, he’d contact me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      when was the last time you talked? if it was7 months, then it now depends on how much you improved and were you active in posting in those months? And if you are going to reach out, did you mean telling him about the ex and the brother still harrassing you?

  2. Michelle - 0

    Michelle

    Hi Amor,

    I am in desperate need of help. I met my (ex)boyfriend last year and we became a couple in December 2016. I’m 25, he turns 38 this year. We have had a great relationship though we went through a dramatic situation in the beginning of our relationship where I had to have an abortion, but we got through it and during this time we moved in together. He’s divorced since more than 10 years back and he’s never had a relationship since and I’m the first one he’s been with, even intimate with for a very long time. This has been confirmed from friends, family etc. He introduced me to this whole new world and treated me like a queen, even though I was the one who took care of him financially and emotionally because he lived with his parents and his kids life in a different state and no custody of them. 2 months in on the relationship he started a new job which probably made him feel important and needed and things changed, he worked 18 hours days, too tired eventually to do stuff and when we has good I was no
    Longer a priority but he kept saying it will be different as soon as he starts making money and I just need to be supportive which I am because I waited home for him every night. Then in June I had to fly abroad to see my parents, and we FaceTime everyday and he says how much he loves me and misses me and can’t wait to see me and we make all of these plans together. Then I came back almost 2 weeks ago, everything was great when we saw each other, even in the morning before he left for work. In the afternoon we spoke on the phone, I asked what we’re doing for dinner and he replies “nothing”. I ask why, he says he has a lot on his mind, no money and I said when has that ever been an issue I always help you and it’s my first night back. Then he says he’s moving back to his parents house and he needs to focus on his kids and can’t be with me anymore. He hangs up. Said he would come back home that night to talk but disappeared the whole weekend (Friday – Monday) and lied about where he was and never answered me. Then last Monday he texted saying he’s gonna come to get his things. He came, said he needs 12 months to focus on his career and kids because baby mama took away permission to see them (but yesterday she gave permission back?!), and he’s not cutting me off yet I just had another abortion for him and he won’t support me through it. And further down the road we will see what happens but not until 12 months have passed and he said this is what he does when he chokes and panics. And he said “Its not like I’m giving you the keys back”, then I desperately tried to make him stay but he wouldn’t and texted and called him all week expect for 2 days but then our anniversary came and I tried to reach him. Been trying to find out about other girls but there’s nothing and everyone denies it and so does he. He lives his life on Instagram and seems happy while I’m dying, he came again 2 days ago to get the rest of his things but he still ended up leaving stuff behind and kept the keys, then we got into a huge fight because I wanted to talk about the abortion and if this is a break up or a break and he didn’t, he just tried to leave so I went after him and we caused a scene, then he just pushed the gas and left. What can I do at this point to get my man back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi michelle,

      Honestly, it’s a very toxic relationship.. For me you shouldn’t get back to him but i know you want to. The best you can do is to start a 30 days nc and follow the advice above

  3. Val - 0

    Val

    I think I made a mistake, I’m on the texting step and I was worried because he hasn’t text me first, so the last time we texted I tried to make a normal conversation but even having positive responses I felt he was distant, like, maybe just being kind. I asked him if he didn’t want to talk with me, and he was like “but I give you nice answers, lol”, and I even told him “well, yeah, but maybe it’s just to be kind” and he replied “if I didn’t want to talk with you I wouldn’t answer your messages”…So, I told him “fine, I believe you” and kept with the conversation…the rest of it was really normal, like, he laughed and he was nice, so many positive responses But now that I look back, I think it was not the kind of things that an ungettable girl does (?) So I’m confused about what to do, was it so bad? will he text me first? or should I keep texting first? (it was yesterday) I would love to get your help, Amor

    Reply
  4. julie - 0

    julie

    i love my ex very much. before he used to provide, buy me gifts telling me he loves me so much but it came time all this disappear. it took me a time to bear all this even when am sick he could provide i decided to leave him but for now i just fill i cant do without him i need him back. what should i do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi julie,

      do you want to try the advice above?

  5. Kylie - 0

    Kylie

    My Bf of 2years broke up with me two weeks ago while he was on an overseas holiday. He’d only been gone three day and for those first three day were fine – I just say how much I missed him in messages. On the fourth day he said he’s wasn’t sure if the relationship was what he wanted which I didn’t take very well. We had a massive fight over this and he didn’t speak to me for three day. After that he said we would talk when he got home. I was fine with that but then on the 8th day of him being away a friend of mine sent me a link to another girls Instagram page and it was full of pics of my BF and her all loved up with the other girls comment reading like it was new relationship. I went crazy at my BF. His Facebook (although Im now blocked) is also full of these sort of posts. He says he’s in love with her and wants to relocate overseas to be wither. Do I give up?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kylie,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  6. ari - 0

    ari

    what if i can never get out of the texting zone after no contact? my ex is extremely stubborn and i know he wouldnt initiate anything, let alone want to go on a date with me. but i know he still loves me and cares for me, he’s liked me for years and was the one to chase after me in the first place. i know what we have is too special to just throw away, and i feel like he is planning on coming back after he finishes college, he prioritizes school so much and as time passed i became less and less of a priority. but things can change in years and i want him back now. he used try so hard for me and now its me who tries more and i think my value to him went down… i begged and tried to save our relationship the first day after then stopped with no contact. it happened suddenly because of a fight, and before we were having fights often leading to the break up one. talking on the phone isn’t an option either because we barely did that while dating for 2 years. ive read all the guides about stubborness but can’t find any answers for my situation. i know he misses me and deep down wants me back but he is just so stubborn… we had one short conversation so far and it went pretty well. he sees and reponds to my messages within minutes, while i always kept him waiting longer for my replies. im just afraid nothing will really escalate after texting for awhile.. i dont know how to make him want to be the one to see me and initiate, and i know if i initiate anything i feel like he’d say no.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You have to be patient and take it slow so you can build rapport.. And you have to continue improving yourself and in postong even after nc
      And dont take too long in replying to.him but always end the convo at high point

    • ari - 0

      ari

      so it really feels like he wants to see me but he’s just so stubborn and won’t ask… he gives off small hints like saying that he wants to go somewhere and id really like to ask him but im scared it’s too early and he’ll say no. another thing is he keeps saying that i hate him? he’d bring it up multiple times randomly in the convo like “u hate me”. i feel like he’s trying to get me to say i love him or maybe he’s acting this way because he’s jealous of seeing me go out with others? (friends of opposite sex). also when we talk i feel like i’m the one doing all the story telling and even when i try to engage him in a topic he’d be interested in his responses are short and he doesnt really engage. but they’re not bad replies and he always responds. i dont know what to do to take this a step further?? i feel like it’s not going anywhere

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      What do you say when he says he hates you?

    • ari - 0

      ari

      I just simply say that i don’t hate him and try to avoid it because it can lead to talking emotionally about our relationship and break up. is that the right thing to do? i try not to be negative and mention about our relationship at all.

    • ari - 0

      ari

      i just initiated a memory convo, i reminded him of a very special place where we had one of our first dates on a hill that has a pretty view at night. to make it better i actually went there yesterday night and posted it on my snap, ive been very active in posting and he looks at everything. i asked if he remembered the place and said i went there, and view was very nice and it reminded me of him. i also told him a funny story that happened there. im confused because everytime i tell him something, the first thing he asks is who i went with. even when he knows that i made new friends at my new job. and he keeps saying “u hate me bye” in EVERY convo… it makes me so frustrated because i dont know what to do about it.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just dont give in to the negativity.. Every time he’s like that is a chance to prove you’re otherwise.. You’re answering it right.. You can add humor if you want to.. Like, say, I know hates means you love somebody, but dont cha worry,I only got good stuff for ya 😉

    • ari - 0

      ari

      he said he just wants to be alone :/ i dont understand what he’s thinking now what should i do

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      why did he say that? Did you ask him? What were you doing when he said that?

    • ari - 0

      ari

      we were talking about my cousin who was getting married, and he was actually engaging for a second and then suddenly said “nvm u hate me” and that i should just leave him alone. maybe i took too long to reply? but then after that he said he was just in a bad mood… and started talking again. hes giving such mixed signals :/ i do have to mention that hes quite immature and acts like such a baby, we’re only 19. and when we were together we texted literally all the time, everyday. i guess he expected me to be clingy and beg for him and since im not doing that hes acting this way.. should i keep talking to him? ive been initiating all the convos so far. i feel like i should pull back a little and let him initiate… if he even will 🙁 hes too stubborn

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, if he’s being like that you should really stop initiating for now.. but it would be better if you actually make it like it was decision for you to pull back. Like next time that you talk again and he goes on being negative, agree and then tell him, ok you understand him and you’ll respect his wishes.

  7. Jadyn - 0

    Jadyn

    Taking your advice and taking a step back. I told my ex that he needed to look into getting my name off his loan. And I haven’t messaged him since. He posted a snap story of him and his new gf at an amusement park… this was where our first date was afew years ago. I didn’t view the story but a friend told me about it. When I went to view it just afew hours after he posted it he had already deleted it. That hurt to know he was there. But then I went somewhere that reminded me of plans that we had. We were supposed to experience it together. I wanted so bad to text him how it’s going. I miss my best friend… my ex… so much. Not the idea of a boyfriend, I miss him for him, even all of the little quirks that annoyed me. And I hate myself for still wanting him back even after ripping my heart out and moving on so quickly with somebody else. I haven’t had this type of raw emotions in over a month. It came out of nowhere or perhaps it came from him choosing her and not even caring about me enough to let me see our dog anymore. He must think about me too. But maybe I ruined that with the “dog” fight. The day he told me he was seeing somebody else he told me “I don’t want you to hurt” but if feels like he is trying to make me jealous and make me hurt now. Or rather she is manipulating him to do and say the things he has lately. I want to think that he thinks about me and misses me but he’s probably too busy with her. They have dated for over 2 months. I thought if it was a rebound it would be over by now.

    Reply
  8. Camila Bonnet - 0

    Camila Bonnet

    Hello , I’m sorry my English is not so good, it’s not my first language. Anyway, my boyfriend just broke up with me after 2 years of relationship, everything was great untill 6 months ago. He started changing, he broke up with me once, then we got back together, and the again, he broke up with me. Everytime he gave me different reasons, the last one was “I want you near but as a friend” and then he ask me to be apart from him for at least 6 months because, according to him, he is toxic and I’ll be better without him because he can’t provide me what I deserve (Someone who actually loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of my life) , he told me that if after that time I still want to be friends with him,I can contact him. But here is the thing, I don’t want to be just friends. I’m planning to take those 6 months for myself, but I want him back after that. Is that a good idea? Should I follow the steps? or Should I stop hoping?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Camila,

      try it out first, if it doesn’t work, then move on.

  9. Shiela - 0

    Shiela

    Hi. My boyfriend and I have been for two years in a long distance relationship. He broke up with me recently like few days ago because We have always an arguments specially him being with his friends has always been an issue to me. We came it to the point where I actually lost my trust to him and accused him of doing something that which is not his intention to do, so he called me one night and told me that we need to sort things out that we need to separate due to emotions and shocked that he can actually decide as fast as that despite all the arguments that we went through I said “okay if that’s what he think will be better for us”. The next day no contact but I felt Im okay already and I wanted to fix everything so i called him and told him about it he refused to agree on me since he told me that we’ve been hurting already each other with our words that we need to figure out everything first, while letting time tells and that he thinks that if he agree on me of getting back together it would unfair on my part because I might look desperate and needy and he doesn’t want that to happen. So we ended up like talking that night about what lead us to that situation and thanking each other with everything we have done with each other. After I told him about how much i appreciate him he told me that he almost wanted to get us back together while listening to me then we laughed and I told him ok we should not rush everything. He told me that we can still contact each other like the usual. But what makes me hurt is that he told me he will not stop me of seeing other guy vice versa. So the next day he is actively texting me and even called me at night and talked any topics that we have and laughed together at funny stories like normal(we usually do this before going to bed). But when I read online about the no contact rule the next morning he texted me and i did not responded then he called me 3times but finally answered his 3rd call but during the conversation I just let him speak and he talked about what he did the whole day like usual and his future plans. I let him rule our whole conversations I just responded to him briefly. The next day he texted on me but I did not respond. I’ve been to gym for a while and he is aware of that but yesterday I took some photos at the gym for the first time and posted it on facebook and he clicked likes, we’re still in relationship on facebook and comment me one time on video there. Today he did not text me maybe because I dont responded to him or I dont know. Do you think I should continue doing the no contact rule to him? SHould I respond or should not?I still want to fix our relationship and save. I am just confused with our situation right now and I do not know what approach should I use, please advice. Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shiela,

      You need to restart the count, because nc means no initiating nor replying

  10. Lina - 0

    Lina

    My ex bf started follow a lot of new people on instagram and his followers has also increased a lot since we broke up. I’m talking about like 1000 new people in two months. What does this mean? Does it mean that he’s living his life, meeting a lot of new people and is totally over me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Can be trying to move on.. But if he has moved on, if he saw your posts,would he think the same for you?

    • Lina - 0

      Lina

      No I don’t think he would think the same, since I’ve posted a lot of new, fun things. But he blocked me after the breakup, and haven’t unblocked me yet after three months, so he will never see it.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That means you have to make your next posts public

  11. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    I followed ex boyfriend recovery pro word by word and got him back although my boyfriend was in relationship with another girl and now he left her for me but he still has some feelings for her and that girl is saying hate u to him and he gets sad and depressed by that,I am in a fear that I may loose him again what to do please help me please…..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Do they still talk?

    • Jessica - 0

      Jessica

      Yes they still talk what should I do?Should I tell him to stay away from her……. But I think that will push him more close to her….what should I do ??please help!!……

    • Jessica - 0

      Jessica

      Yes they talk…..I don’t feel like my boyfriend still loves me with same intensity he doesn’t upload pics with me on social media but he used to do it when he was not with me what to do?
      I want him to love me madly please help

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that means you have to avoid being the bad guy by not bad mouthing the ex.. be the understanding one.. but also don’t be weak.. Be fun when you’re with your bf but have your own life. Don’t be demanding.

    • Jessica - 0

      Jessica

      He talked with his ex on a phone call of 57min and I became angry and then he said he won’t talk to him again..what should I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just avoid saying or talking to him while angry again..

  12. Lucy - 0

    Lucy

    I was a very controlling girlfriend, which I didn’t realize until after the breakup. I’ve been doing the nc for 45 days now. So, how do I regain my ex bf trust and show that I have changed? How do I let him know that I’m not controlling anymore? I’m blocked from his social media and we havo no mutual friends so I can’t use this to my advantage.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You can still use it. You need to post in in apps where the posts are just there like Facebook or Instagram.. Because after some time he’ll get curious and if you don’t nag, he’ll see it’s because you already have your own life

  13. Elen - 0

    Elen

    I was with my guy 3yrs.. we broke up many times.the first times we were still texting from time to time and then being back together. The next time he blocked me from everywhere. I called him from another phone I had. Next time he blocked me even from that and after maybe 1.5month i called him from sb else’s phone for his bday.. he heard that i travelled and had fun and then he unblocked me and we were ok for 3months. Now he did same but when i called from uknown number he didnt pick up and then called me but didnt unblock me and for me having the plan going to his city specific day he said no need for me to contact me he is gonna do so that time approaching (which is in 10days)..
    Many times before he told me we are not for each other and he cannot continue, that i am negative (bcz i tell him along with the good also the problems in my job as he does and i try to help him btw) etc but when after long time he sees me he does not leave me from his arms and tell me he missed me so much.. this last time he even told me that he had sex with other girls..thiugh i have no reason not to believe him, when i asked him when did this happen (cz we were since december till march totally apart but also he can do that anytime as far as he s not in my city) he said he doesnt know and not to question him and that he didnt go with prostitutes and he knew what to pick (cz i shouted how he did this to me risking my health).. we live in a conservative country that even when we were in same city we could not go out due to islamic laws but meet secretly at his home. Before the last breakup he was supposed to come with me in my vacation, now that i asked him he said he doesnt know ..
    What can i do do get him back? Now he got this block n beg issue as a game and he is so stubborn a person that I believe if i dont contact him he wont ever do (in our 1st break up ..though i realised later that he was checking my whatsapp pictures -the only app he can see sth while having me blocked-he never moved to contact me.. when i did after 20+days he said he was thinking about me … but still never being the one doing the 1st move..)
    So what do u recommend i do now?

    Reply
  14. Kasey - 0

    Kasey

    I love this whole idea and am taking it very seriously, all the steps. However, I have not seen or spoken to my ex since our breakup, which was FIVE years ago. Problem is, I do not know his address, phone number, or email address, only where he works, and he does not have a facebook or any social media. In this case, the outlined plan above says to start with a text message. I can’t do that. What are my options? The only choice I have is to leave a letter at his work. Advice on this please!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      how did you contact each other before?

  15. Louise - 0

    Louise

    I’ve completed nc and me and my ex haven’t talked for like 6 weeks, I’ve worked on myself and improved myself during the nc. I was very jealous in our relationship and that’s probably why it ended. So, how can I show my ex that I’ve changed for the better? How can I let him know that my jealous behaviour I had in our past relationship is now completely gone?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you were active in posting in the past weeks, initiate contact. The only to show it, is to not do it anymore and to continue your activities and living your own life.

  16. Jadyn - 0

    Jadyn

    Ok so I have finally decided to make first contact after 45 days no contact (other than exchanging the dog). He is still in his rebound 🙁 and My ex has gotten a new position/job so he no longer works the same schedule. Getting the dog is going to be much harder now 🙁 but he still seems like he is willing to make it work. It will also give him less time to see his rebound because they won’t be working together and their scheduled won’t match. So it’s been 45ish days, give it take (I honestly lost count). How is this for a first contact message (I’m thinking either send it through a snapchat or a text):
    “Hey, I was just looking through flyers on my break and found this (I’m going to attach a photo of the item in the flyer), they actually sell them now. It reminded me of that time we rented them with our friends. So fun! “

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s an ok message.. if he replies, send an ending the conversation message..

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      I haven’t sent it yet. I’m going to wait because I know he’s with “her” right now. It’s kind of funny. He never posts snapchat stories like ever. And he did today and last week while with her. He then deletes it after I see it. I’m trying not to open his story but my friends have told me it looks like he’s trying to get to me, especially because he never posts. I feel like he’s in the stage of “trying to look happy”. I also posted a very suggestive story yesterday. One with me hanging out with new friends but couldn’t tell who it was. My friends think his post was a back fire in snapchat jealousy war because of how my other photo appeared yesterday. Is this snapchat thing ok? It is kinda upsetting when I see his posts with her in them but I like having him on there so he can see that my life is moving on through my story. Should I keep him on snapchat or get rid of him? Should I keep not opening his stories or is it better for him to know I’ve seen them. We are both obviously trying to make each other jealous.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      keep him.. that’s a good post, he should be intrigued with your posts.. He should be the one more affected with your posts, not the other way around. It’s ok if you want to view his stories or not.

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      I got a neutral response almost instantly after I sent it he said “haha oh jeez” I waited about 15 minutes and replies yup and they are on sale too, breaks over tho so gotta go. Ttyl”

      I was hoping for something alittle more. Now what?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Use a different topic in the next text
      Wait 2 or 3 days

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      What sort of topic. I really don’t know what to talk about without it seeming obviously forced. He’s into his truck, dog, nice cars, atv’s, target shooting. I know he won’t reply positively with me complimenting any of those. I thought the memory text would work. We have so many good memories from Canada day weekend and the thing in the flyer didn’t work. It was a really fun day.

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      He’ll see right through me complimenting his truck out of the blue. Or any other thing out of the blue. At least with my first conversation it seemed legit and that it would actually remind both of us of good times. I’ve read lots of articles.

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      Ended up at a party and my ex and her was there. She kept confronting me and causing shit. I tried to keep it cool but she kept making a scene. When she was around my ex was on her side but when it was just him and me he told me not to worry and he would talk to her about it and he knew I wasn’t causing shit. She kept threatening to keep my dog from me and a bunch more. I don’t know what to do now. They both ended up saying how the dog isint legally mine and he car j consigned for has nothing to do with me. Pleas give advice! Please

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Talking about those topics in a different way.like asking for help, sharing something about it or something that can help about it. Be genuinely interested about it. Why did they both said that? Did you bring it up? You still have a connection with the dog, so just say that calmly because that’s the truth

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      I honestly don’t know why. I didn’t provoke anything or bring anything up. She’s quite a bit younger and I think she just wanted to start shit because she could. I think she got alittle jealous too because all of my ex’s and my shared friends came and hung out with me and not her at the party. She was being very needy and clingy from what I could see. I was never needy or clingy and never hung off of him like a fashion accessory, maybe he likes that. She also reads his texts she told me she saw the one I sent afew days ago about the memory. As for the dog and the car that I consigned My ex seemed like he was on her side when she was around But when she wasn’t around he apologized a couple times and then texted me again the next day to apologize again. He’s hard to read. He posted a gooshy post on snapchat about them being so “happy”. He could be I don’t know what to think. Thy have been together for about 2.5 months now. I feel like she’s starting to influence his decisions. DO I still follow the being there approach? Is texting still the best way of communication is she’s reading the messages?

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      So I guess she dug her claws in. My ex just texted me and said she doesn’t like him seeing me weekly to trade the dog off so I am no longer allowed to have my dog at all… now what do I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      As long as they’re taking care of the dig, you have to step back for now.. For the car, if you’re not paying anything then let it be..if there are legalities needed to be settled bring a lawyer..if not, let it go because it’s starting to look like an excuse from your side to talk to him

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      He works 6 days on and 5 days off. The 6days he’s working the dog is locked in his dog cage in the house for the entire time(usually 14 hour days) The other days he is looked after very well. I usually don’t even see my ex, I usually get the dog from his mom. And when I do see him I don’t even talk to him any more than what’s about the dog. I need my name off the car because he missed a payment and it’s going to start ruining my credit score if it hasn’t already. I’m more concerned about my dog than I am my relationship anymore. My dog is one of my escapes from everyday stress and to keep busy. I live in a small town and I don’t get to see my friends often because they farm or are mutual friends of my ex. I would love my dog full time if I could. How long do I need to step back? Obviously she’s already jealous, insecure and making decisions for him. Last time him and I exchanged the dog he was still good with me seeing the dog. I’m so angry right now I don’t care about my ex at all. I want my dog. I know I should step back and breathe but seriously. He is my dog too.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      maybe two weeks.. then during this time find a way so you can have the dog and have a calm and sincere talk with him that you would just really want the dog, nothing more, nothing less.. better if you include his current gf in the talk

    • Jadyn - 0

      Jadyn

      Would it be a good idea to send out a truths text then give it some more time. I was thinking something along the lines of:
      Hi, I amsorry for fighting about the dog, but you have to understand that I have a connection with him and I always thought he was both of ours even though he is yours. I don’t want to fight anymore. It’s pointless and it’s not going to help anything. Always here if The dog or you need me or need to talk. I called the bank and they said you need to call and ask to have me taken off the Car loan. Let me know when you get that done because I need the credit freed up for a mortgage. I really don’t want to fight, someday maybe we can be friends like we were before all of this. I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy, I don’t want to stand in the way of that.

      I’m thinking send this as a truce. Then go back to NC for 10 or so days so I can gather myself again. I hate leaving things so negative like our last contact about the dog was.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yup that’s ok..that’s like a clean slate text

  17. Kayla - 0

    Kayla

    Hello
    I feel as if I am in a sticky situation because I have so many variables surrounding my circumstance. My, now ex, boyfriend of practically three years broke up with me two weeks ago. His reasons were “That he still loved me, but he was no longer IN love with me. That he found me attractive, just not in THAT way anymore.” He said he no longer had love for me. He also said that I was negative. Personally, I don’t believe that I’m negative per second, I just really dislike my current place of employment. I work a lot of 12 hour days… Also, a few months ago he broke up with me, but that only lasted two days. All he said then was that he didn’t love me. But after the second day we decided that we both truly loved each other and he wanted me to “forgive and forget” that he said he didn’t love me. However, we’ve lived at his mother’s house for the past few years to help her out with bills and such. I can’t really afford a place of my own right now, plus, I love his mother. Now that he and I are no longer together, she really wants me to stay, and I don’t want to abandon her either. While I genuinely believe that she loves me and wants me to stay, I am also concerned with her ability to pay the mortgage by herself. And she feels trapped in her house because of the animals (she has two pets, plus each one of her sons has a dog; because of the amount of pets, she cannot rent a house). To throw fuel on the fire, he is joining the Air Force. He doesn’t know his shipping out date yet, but I can sense his urgency and impatience. I feel as though we never had these issues before he started losing weight to join the military. When he first started committing to losing the weight, was when he threw the first break up at me, and now that he has lost the weight and has signed his intent forms, I felt him distancing himself from me further. After he signed his paperwork(a month ago) we stopped getting intimate in the bedroom. And now he breaks up with me this second time and I feel that he is more serious.

    Since our break up, we have stayed in seperate bedrooms. But I noticed some bizarre activity in him. He started eating fast food more, not going to the gym, locking himself in his bedroom, and he has become more short with his mother (not like him). I spoke to him a week into the break up because I sensed that he was depressed. I told him that as his friend, I cared about him and that I didn’t want to see him like this and that he should really start eating healthier, working out, and doing fun things with his friends outside of video games again. He pretty much shrugged me off and assured me he was not depressed and that he was just tired. But he seemed to take my advice after that and has since been eating better, working out, blah blah. And I’m proud of him. I don’t want to see him fail.

    Since then I have implemented the no contact rule (because of the way he strugged me off, I was hurt, but realized that even though he and I both need some time away from each other to cool down, I still love him and if he’ll have me by his side, I don’t want him to live out one of the toughest chapters of his life by himself), so the NC thing has only been going on for a week. I have went out with friends, and I have even tried being more positive on the daily (even though I still don’t like my job….if he wants/ needs me to be more positive, then I will). Next week, June 23rd-30th, him, his mom, and his brother are going on vacation. Normally I go with them, but I decided to stay in town(even though the 30th is his birthday, I don’t plan on getting him anything or speaking to him) and during their vacation, I plan to get my hair done, my nails, and possibly a new outfit. I want to continue the NC rule if it will work like you say. I want to show him that I can still be happy without him. But this is where I’m getting really stressed out….

    If he is depressed(which he won’t admit or he really isn’t), am I doing the right thing by going out, and being happy and getting my hair done? Will he miss me when he ships out for bootcamp? Should I move out, or stay with his mom since he’ll be away at a base? Should I write him letters when he’s at bootcamp if I’m still in our NC period? What if we’re done with our NC period,can I write him then? Should I jump on his computer while he’s at work and see if he’s talking to another girl? Does that really change our situation?

    I have read many of the articles on this site, even the military ones, but I don’t think those completely match up with my situation. But I do plan to carry out the rules to make him miss me.

    I sincerely apologize for writing you an entire book, and I also apologize if any of my information was scattered or hard to read; that’s kind of how my mind is since this break up. He is just a hard person to read….I don’t think he realizes how in breaking up with me, he’s not only putting strain on our relationship, but also his mom, our pets, the whole family (even his brother, who doesn’t even live there). But I love him and I want to continue to fight for us.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Dont snoop in his pc.. if you’re in nc dont message him.. after, you can but thr situation with his mom should be more of his concern.. if you dont get back together what happens then? If he’s not suicidal, just let him be..

      Have you checked this one?:
      EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

  18. Louise - 0

    Louise

    Is it ok to use a jealousy message as first contact after nc if my ex isn’t upset with me?

    Reply
  19. Angie - 0

    Angie

    My ex boyfriend of 6 months met each other through school. After two months of hanging out, things took a romantic turn – although we didn’t make things exclusive for another 2 months. We were actually somewhat considered long distance. I work 3 hrs away from him so we only got to see each other on the weekends. But every time we hung out, things were great. I met all of his friends and got along with them. Even took several trips together. However, there was a time period when I couldn’t see him for a month because I had prior engagements and work duties to perform that kept me from going home. Ever since that, I started to get this feeling of him becoming distant. During one night when he was drunk, I asked him what’s happening. He told me that it was weird for him to see someone 4 or 5 days in a month. After a few more days of testing the water, I initiated a conversation with him via text. He told me that he forgot that we had that conversation as he was intoxicated that night. He later said he doesn’t think our relationship will work if I continue to have to work away from home. I told him that my intention is to move back home after my project is done. He replied back saying that we’ll keep things going and decide what to do when the time comes. Fast forward another two weeks later (I was again away on work duties and wasn’t able to see him the following weekend since our serious conversation), I finally had the chance to see him. This time, I asked him if he could meet up to talk. We met up for breakfast first. And then proceeded to sit down to talk afterwards at a local park (where he asked me if I wanted to make things exclusive). I reminded him again that I do plan on moving home after my project is completed but he said he has a feeling that that won’t happen since I told him previously I may have to move again. He told me he didn’t want to string me along. I agreed but suggested that we take another few weeks to consider our next move because I’m going to be home for the following next weekends. We continued our day and actually went to the movies. However, throughout the entire day, it felt very unnatural for us. We didn’t hold hands whatsoever. After the movies, we just went back to his place and fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up crying because I knew deep down our relationship was coming to an end. He woke up and proceeded to work on some school work. I took that as my chance to leave. He walked me out and that was where I burst into tears. He told me he’d call me later. After two hours of anxiously waiting for his call, he finally did. He said things very felt unnatural for him and that he doesn’t think our relationship will work. He later texted me that afternoon saying that I can call him if I ever need anything. I didn’t respond. Later that night, he texted me again saying he’s really sorry and wants me to know that he still wants to hang out with me and to call him if I ever want to talk. I didn’t respond to that either. Two days later, we had to do an online presentation together but something happened to his mic and he wasn’t able to present. I therefore presented his portion for him. He texted me afterwards thanking me for doing his part. I didn’t respond. After 6 days of not responding, I finally texted him back with “I’m sorry I haven’t responded back. I needed some time to myself. It’s been hard not being able to talk to you”. He replied back saying that he knows it’ll take some time and that he didn’t mean to be pushy.

    What should I do now? Do you think I’ll have a chance at rekindling this relationship? He’s a pretty logical guy so I’m afraid that even if I do the NC on him, he may not want to rekindle considering the circumstances.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Angie,

      if you keep talking to him you’ll more likely end up being friendzoned.

    • Angie - 0

      Angie

      Hi Amor,

      I have recently completed the NC rule of 21-days. I initially wanted to go with the 30-days but he actually reached out to me exactly 21-days after the break-up. In his initial text, he said he hoped I was doing okay and asked if I needed help with our upcoming school assignments. I responded back later a few hours later apologizing for my late response and told him I was at the movies with a friend but that I didn’t need his help and thanked him for the gesture. He then responded back 2hrs later with a “no problem”. Not sure how to go about it from here, I decided to test the water the next morning to see if he would respond so I sent him a reminder of an assignment that was due that night. He replied back within a minute and thanked me.

      After our initial contact, I reached out to him a few days later via a group chat that we have with a classmate. He barely responded. However, he reached out to us again days later. Since our classmate wasn’t responding to our messages this time, I texted him separately to ask him some questions related to our assignment. He offered his help and told me to reach out to him again if I needed more guidance.

      This is where I think I’ve gone off track… Since then, I’ve reached out to him on several occasions. I’ve initiated about 60% of the time and ended the conversation (abruptly) 60% of the time. Our conversations have been short and have mostly been about school or dogs (he loves dogs). We’ve joked around here and there as well but more like two people who just met. I also noticed that he’s been checking my Snapchat stories whenever I post (I’ve been trying to make myself appear busy by snapping of my outings) but I’ve made it a point to NOT look at his.

      What should I do from here? Do you think I need to implement another round of NC? I’m trying to give off the “I don’t care” vibe to show that I am okay with the break up and friend zone him but I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just continue slowly building rapport and in improving yourself..post in sites where the posts lasts too

  20. emily - 0

    emily

    3 weeks ago my boyfriend of about a year broke up with me. It began as a seemingly “innocent” fight, but resulted in a breakup. I was confused, we had been amazing and in love up until this point, and even living together. He had just moved back home for a job transfer, and is under a lot of stress. It isn’t what he thought, he’s not being treated right, and is working about 80+ hours a week. I admit I was adding to the stress, the week before the breakup I was PMSing pretty bad. In addition, when I moved cities to be with him I was completley smothering. I only had him, and didn’t try to make a life for myself there. One of his biggest complaints was I lost the person he used to know, my goals had faltered, I didn’t have my own life, I complained but didn’t try to fix the problem….the stress was too overwhelming.

    Since the breakup, 3 weeks ago, we have had some contact, he makes conflicting statements, some of “I was trying to build a life with you, I still care about you, i saw us growing old together, but it’s just too much.” some are “I can’t keep doing this, don’t wait around for me, I’m not coming back.” Personally, I’m chalking this up to intense stress and I’m the factor in his life he can control. I did several days of no contact, and rarely reach out, except for the occasional cliffhanger text. Trying to give him space to breathe, focus on himself, and be feel a sense of accomplishment in his life. Unsure what next actions I should be taking, how long I should be waiting, or if I’m being too positive about this situation. My heart says he will come back, despite some of his comments. But my head is telling me to prepare for the worst.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you’re going to do no contact you have to restart it. No contact means no initiating, no replying, no liking his posts and no commenting back. You can only contact for really important matters and only talk about that.

  21. Alexa - 0

    Alexa

    My boyfriend asked me for “time and space” which with the weeks turned into a break up. He is now in California for work and I’m in the other side of the country, we keep texting but his answers are very cold (although every single day he tells me that he wants to be my friend because “who knows in the future.. every good relationship starts with a friendship” and that I should stop tripping and relax), so I wanted to implement the No Contact rule starting today… but here’s the thing: he comes back to town on June 23 and exactly 7 days after that I’m leaving the country (yes, we were going to be in a LDR. But that’s not the reason why he broke up with me). So my question is: should I start the No Contact period now? Or should I wait until he comes back from his business trip and start the No Contact period once I’m gone? I ask this because my last 7 days here will be very emotional and I’m sure he will want to meet up to say goodbye and of course I want it too, but at this point I don’t know what should be the best. He’s acting so cold with me that sometimes I really feel that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore.
    Thanks in advance!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yep you should do it.. he’s trying to friendzone you.. and saying goodbye to him is like assuring him you’re still there even if you’re going away..

  22. Diana - 0

    Diana

    Hi, I made a huge mistake and slept with my ex boyfriend once after the breakup. I have now completed nc and haven’t heard anything from him at all since I slept with him. Have I ruined my chances of getting him back if I slept with him once after the breakup?

    Reply
  23. Cee - 0

    Cee

    Thank you. My LDR ex-boyfriend, a narcissist, who cheated his way out of the relationship just to breakup with me, just asked for forgiveness…After over a year!!! But I think I don’t want him back in my life. I recovered and moved to another country. It still hurts but not as painful as when the breakup was still fresh. It was struggle but I gained perspective and wisdom by reading your articles. Thanks again and more power! 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Wow! Thanks for sharing Cee!

  24. Caroline - 0

    Caroline

    My boyfriend (now ex) broke up with me in the weirdest way. I am on college break but I have been seeing him every other week. I visited him memorial day weekend and we had an absolutely amazing long weekend together. My friends boyfriend was 2 weekends later in his city so we had been making arrangements to see each other at some point while I was there. The entire planning process he was acting excited to see me and sweet. 30 mins before we were supposed to meet he called me and asked if I wanted to meet at a bar near his place, but i didn’t want to. So he said I could just meet him at his place and we could decide once I got there if we wanted to go out. I arrived at his place and he acted super excited to see me, hugging and kissing me upon seeing me. For an entire hour we cuddled on the couch, laughing, joking, kissing, and catching up. He was acting completely normal, not acting distant or awkward. We were even talking about couple stuff (as if he wasn’t about to break up with me in 30 mins). Then all of a sudden he says he doesn’t think we should continue to see each other. It was so random and surprising that I thought he was joking for the first 2 mins. Why he would want to cuddle with me, act relationship-like, and enjoy my company for an entire HOUR if he was planning to break up with me? Why would he act like everything is fine? I am so confused and don’t know what to make of this. Help me understand why he would do this please!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      when did all this happen and how long were you together?

    • Caroline - 0

      Caroline

      This happened Friday. We were together a little over 4 months

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it was probably planned, maybe that was the reason why he wanted to meet out the bar.. he probably wasn’t that sure at first but even if he was sweet with you, the feeling of wanting to break up was still there, so he still broke up with you

    • Caroline - 0

      Caroline

      So after the no contact should I just leave it alone then and not try? I guess if it was that calculated like you said then he probably really doesn’t want to be with me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you can initiate contact after nc..check the link below:
      How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

  25. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Hi, my boyfriend and i just broke up 2 days ago. We are actually on an LDR most of the time because he travels for work like 6 to 9months. So heres what happened. Last feb. i recently found out that i had genital warts contacted from him. He was still abroad at that time. I told him and then he came back home and supported me throughout the medical process. He always was there for me when i needed him. And hes trying his best to take care of me. And i appreciated and loved him more bec. of that. Then i get easily angry over small things ( i didnt realized i was already PMSing). So we had a fight. I thought that having this HPV would make him stay and make our rel.stroger. From then on we didnt talk that muchd for about a month.. He rarely texts me or asked me what am i doing. Thats when i felt unloved. Until 2 days ago, he accidentally send me a text that hes talking to some random girl from tinder. i didnt know he was on tinder. So i told him that i was tired and we need to break up and that he didnt deserve my love. He was sorry and asked for forgiveness that night and told me that he really loves me. Then the next day everything changed, he was the one who wanted to end the rel. bec. he doesnt want to hurt me anymore, and he says he still loves me and this is for the better. And i told/beg him not to give up easily on us and to fight for me and us. He was the one who told me that we should help each other and now hes the one being opposite. I know he just said those things to make me hate him. I also know that ive hurt him and made some mistakes. But i know deep down that we still love each other and that we belong together. His profile picture on fb is still us. I just dont know what to do. Please help me i still love him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      do you want to try the advice above?

  26. Ally - 0

    Ally

    So my ex and I broke up a month ago from datingfor six months after a bad fight. He said he needed some space and it ended with me kicking him out the house. I didn’t mean to break up with him, but that’s how he took it because my actions. I was not good at the no contact period. I kept blowing up his phone. However, about 2 weeks after we broke up, I started giving him the space he asked for. We work together so it’s been a bit difficult. I started hanging out with friends and other guys. It was around that time that he started coming back around. We went through all the steps (minus the 30 days of no contact). The day after he asked to hangout that weekend, we ran into each other at a bar and he drunkenly told me he missed me, loved me, and wanted to have a family with me, but couldn’t trust me because I hurt him… during the last step (the hangout which he initiated by coming over 2 days after the drunken night) he talked a lot about our relationship and what was good/bad. He said he still needed space and time, but wanted to continue the conversation the next day. The next day came around and he started acting weird and distant again.

    I’m not sure what to do. It seemed like things were going well, but then we went backwards. Were we moving too fast? We ended up getting in a small fight a few days later because I was upset over it. I’m scared that he still has negative feelings towards me and that’s what is stopping him. How do I earn his trust back?

    Reply
  27. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    Tbh I was a quite controlling and jealous girlfriend, blaming him for a lot of things, which I didn’t realize until after the breakup. Now I’m in the third week of NC and I haven’t heard anything from him once since the breakup. It feels like he’s better off without me. I don’t know if he even cares at all, since he haven’t showed the smallest sign that he’s missing me. I bet he’s just out there living his life and doesn’t even think about me, because if he feels better without me, then why would he miss me? He blocked me on every social media, but he didn’t block my number thought. If he would miss me, wouldn’t he show some sign, like unblock me or ask about me or something? Is it even possible to make him change his mind even if I wasn’t the greatest girlfriend and he feels better without me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      instead of thinking like that.. focus in improving yourself.. if he has moved on, would you be interesting for him now?

    • Sarah - 0

      Sarah

      Yes, I still want him back. It’s been 5 weeks of nc now, and he hasn’t contact me or showed a smallest sign that he misses me. Is it even possible then to get him back if he doesn’t miss me?

    • Sarah - 0

      Sarah

      Yes, I still want him back. It’s been 5 weeks of nc now, and he hasn’t contact me or showed a smallest sign that he misses me. Is it even possible then to get him back if he doesn’t miss me? I’ve worked hard on improving myself and becoming a better me, but I still want this guy.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, if you could make him interested in you.. if you’re a stranger and he talks or sees, would you appear and sound interesting to him?

  28. PPR - 0

    PPR

    Hi,

    I really need your help! I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8 years. We really loved each other but had arguments as well. He was medical student, so he had to go for a work relate trip for 6 months. During these six months he used to come once in a while to meet me. But the last 2 months it became impossible to come and meet me. During that time, he went under lot of stress due to studies work and main reason : bullying by a senior. He could not confront the senior due to various reasons. During that time he got really busy and could not give me time. So he used to ask help from another girl who he thinks understands him better than I do. So during the last week of trip, he broke off with me and said we were not right for each other. He said it was not my fault and that he stopped having feelings for me. I tried to convince him multiple times that now the trip is over we can get back and works things out but he said he could not do it. I tried all the methods he could for me to move on and forget him but I never gave up. So fast forward 2 weeks later. He is dating the girl who helped him during his bad times. He says he wanted distraction and that he liked her so it fits. He also said he feels very guilty for cheating on me.That new girl is using him because she didn’t help us patch up but instead used to flirt when were still in relationship. And my ex doesn’t seem to accept this fact and says she is very understanding about our situation.I don’t know what to do now because he says he loves me still but not that way anymore. He says he doesn’t love the new gf that way either but went in relationship to get rid of me when I clearly know that he had some hidden feelings for her as well. I don’t know what to do now!! Please help. I want him back!

    And the no contact rule is what made it worse, because he thought i had moved on and that he can easily move on too. Thats what he wants and I cannot do that.

    Please please help me get him back!

    Reply
  29. PPR - 0

    PPR

    Hi,

    I really need your help! I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8 years. We really loved each other but had arguments as well. He was medical student, so he had to go for a work relate trip for 6 months. During these six months he used to come once in a while to meet me. But the last 2 months it became impossible to come and meet me. During that time, he went under lot of stress due to studies work and main reason : bullying by a senior. He could not confront the senior due to various reasons. During that time he got really busy and could not give me time. So he used to ask help from another girl who he thinks understands him better than I do. So during the last week of trip, he broke off with me and said we were not right for each other. He said it was not my fault and that he stopped having feelings for me. I tried to convince him multiple times that now the trip is over we can get back and works things out but he said he could not do it. I tried all the methods he could for me to move on and forget him but I never gave up. So fast forward 2 weeks later. He is dating the girl who helped him during his bad times. He says he wanted distraction and that he liked her so it fits. He also said he feels very guilty for cheating on me.That new girl is using him because she didn’t help us patch up but instead used to flirt when were still in relationship. And my ex doesn’t seem to accept this fact and says she is very understanding about our situation.I don’t know what to do now because he says he loves me still but not that way anymore. He says he doesn’t love the new gf that way either but went in relationship to get rid of me when I clearly know that he had some hidden feelings for her as well. I don’t know what to do now!! Please help. I want him back!

    And the no contact rule is what made it worse, because he thought i had moved on and that he can easily move on too. Thats what he wants and I cannot do that. He desperately wants me to move on but I dont want to .

    Please please help me get him back!

    Reply
  30. Sylvia - 0

    Sylvia

    I was in a very committed relationship with a guy for 2.5 years. He broke up with me, but still talked a lot, sometimes I was ignored, but most of the time we would talk or even meet up. He gave me a lot of hope for our relationship, but nothing was really happening. I tried no contact and then discovered that he had moved on to a new girl only 7 weeks after. I am so lovesick and I really valued this relationship. I’m still in no contact and didn’t reach out when I found out about the new girl in order to stay classy. I deleted him on all social media for now. I guess what I want to know is if I am able to get this guy back? We really shared a good, valuable time, but I think he got distracted by a new girl. Is there anything I can do for this specific situation?

    Reply
  31. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    So my ex and I were together for 2 years, we broke up almost 2 months ago, we had a huge fight about things and he moved out, we both agreed it was a mistake but now things have changed.
    3 weeks after we broke up he was out of town seeing his family, we had literally talked every day since we broke up, when he got back into town I picked him up from the airport and we had sex and spent time together it felt like old times like when we were happy together, after that day we haven’t seen eachother since, we went 12 days without talking, I did text him in that time about 5-6times, in the last couple of days we have talked about sitting down and talking about our relationship and the things that have happened, we want to talk because we are in a wedding together in a week, I truly want him back but at this point I am really unsure how to go about it, I really need some advice. I really need to figure out how to get him back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      did he agree to talk? if he did, update us after the talk.. but please dont beg.. be civil and be as rational as you can.

  32. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    So my ex and I were together for 2 years, we broke up almost 2 months ago, we had a huge fight about things and he moved out, we both agreed it was a mistake but now things have changed.
    3 weeks after we broke up he was out of town seeing his family, we had literally talked every day since we broke up, when he got back into town I picked him up from the airport and we had sex and spent time together it felt like old times like when we were happy together, after that day we haven’t seen eachother since, we went 12 days without talking, I did text him in that time about 5-6times, in the last couple of days we have talked about sitting down and talking about our relationship and the things that have happened, we want to talk because we are in a wedding together in a week, I truly want him back but at this point I am really unsure how to go about it, I really need some advice.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      did he agree to talk? if he did, update us after the talk.. but please dont beg.. be civil and be as rational as you can.

    • Jessica - 0

      Jessica

      He agreed to the talk but it hasn’t happened yet, multiple times we had plans for him to come over and sit down and talk but something always happened or he made up an excuse, the wedding we are in together is in 3 days and we still haven’t sat down and talked, when we talked on the phone he told me he loved me he just needed to be alone right now but when I asked if he wanted me out of his life he said no and then when I told him he needed to tell me he didn’t want to be with me ever so that I could move on he told me he couldn’t do that because it wouldn’t be true

    • Jessica - 0

      Jessica

      So my ex and I have been broken up for 3 months now, after a lot of back and forth about 3 weeks ago we sat down and talked about something’s, he said he wanted to start over and wanted to rebuild, that night we got into a huge fight after drinking with friends and didn’t talk for 2 days, and then he called me and we talked for hours, we told me he loved me and wanted to be with me and wasn’t attracted to anyone else and didn’t want to be with anyone else but that he was still hurt because of our breakup and the stuff we had been putting eachother thru for the last few weeks, we slept together that night and I thought we were going to start over but in the last 2 weeks he has said his heart is torn, part of him wants to get back together and another part of him doesn’t think it’s a good idea, I started the no contact rule 3 days ago and haven’t heard from him at all, I recently saw he went to a sporting event with a girl he used to work with and now it’s making me doubt that he truly even still loves me, I’m so torn on whether this will work and on whether I can truly get him back, I really do want him back and really do want to be with him, should I continue the no contact rule? Or just give up

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How many times have you done nc?

  33. Rachel - 0

    Rachel

    I’ve recently been dumped by my boyfriend after we were together for two months. His focus and priority has always been work and getting good grades which I always respected but I wanted to see more of him than I did and kept pushing to see him. He also showed little emotion throughout the relationship (he shows little emotion generally) with him only saying “I love you” if I said it first which made me feel increasingly insecure as time went on. We had a few arguments due to either his lack of emotion or my insecurities getting in the way of us with that being his reason for why we broke up and me being too emotionally involved as another. I love him still and want him back however he doesn’t want that and I feel to blame as I kept pushing him to show his emotions and spend more time with me when I knew he had work and finds it difficult to express his emotions. I want him back and have recently started no contact after already having begged for him to take me back which I now regret we also had a few friendly conversations and I wished him good luck in his exams before I started no contact but he has since ignored that message. I’m unsure as to what to do however I do know that I want him back and I am willing to work on my faults in order to make us work should he take me back however I’m worrying that he will only ever see me as a friend from now on. I don’t know what to do as I feel that no contact will not work as he will be focussing on his exams leaving little time to think about us and I am doubtful he will change his mind (especially as his mum never liked me) what should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel,

      it’s not a guarantee that the nc will work but keeping on talking with your ex will not only make you look like you’re chasing, it can also make you friendzoned fast because you’re like letting him move on slowly, and getting used to you just being a friend, instead of doing the no contact rule, improving yourself, being active in posting, while he can still miss you..

  34. Anne Nadine - 0

    Anne Nadine

    Hello.
    This is my story: Long time ago (10-11 years ago) I met a guy. We were best friends and we used to talk a lot. He wanted a relationship with me but i didn’t accepted because I was too young (16 years old) and he was 27 years old. We used to talk from time to time. After some years I get married and I talked to him. I don’t know what I’ve said but he got upset without my notice and didn’t talked to me for years. I thought that he don’t talk with me anymore because I’m married now. Years have passed and my marriage got in a critical point. I and my man are just friends. Last year, after 5 years without speaking, I have resumed contact with him. He told me what happened and we solved the problems between us.
    For few months we start to talk almost everyday and our discussions have become more and more intimate. I told him that I am scared to have another relationship and I don’t want to have sex without being in a relationship. He told me that he is serious and for him is not a problem that I’m still married. And also for him is not a problem to have a relationship with a divorced woman (after my divorce). We kept talking, to send one another sexy pictures and have a lot of talks abut sex. I forgot to say that between us are 2000 km, we live now in different countries.
    In April I was home for vacation and we have met for the first time in 10 years. I was very happy to see him again. He kissed me and the feeling was amazing. We kept kissing for hours like was the last day of our lives. He also wanted to have sex with me but I told him is too soon. He took my hand and put it on his pants. I went into his game and I liked it. But that was all. Kisses and touches.
    After few days we’ve met again and we went further….that means, after kisses he asked me if I can help him to have an orgasm. I wasn’t sure if I’m prepared but I went further because I liked him and I thought he like me also. So I did him oral sex…I felt a little bit embarrassed but he told me that it’s ok and we did not do anything wrong. After that evening he didn’t came to visit me again. He told me that was very busy with his job. My vacation was over and I fly back in the country I live now. We kept talking but not so much like before. I told him I want him in my life and I miss him every day, but he turns colder and colder every day. I started asking if I did something wrong or if I’m not good enough for him. I asked him a lot of questions but every time when I asked something about us or about A possible future he get angry. He told me that I’m too stressful and I rushed things. For 2 weeks I made all possible mistakes: I kept asking him for forgiveness, for another chance to make things right and slow as he wish, I asked him why and what he wants and if he wants to try again to have a normal relationship or be just friends like we used. He got angrier with every question I asked and gave me no answer at all. He also didn’t say anything when I asked him if he want me to live him alone. I send him a gift with an “Im sorry” note and he became even more angry. Now he keeps ignoring me. He did not even read my last messages asking for forgiveness. This is my third day of No contact rule. I want him back. What do you think, I have a chance to get him back? I miss him everyday, I miss our talks, I miss everything… What should I do to get him back? Thank you

    Reply
  35. Naf - 0

    Naf

    Hello
    We were in a distant relationship which we met each other a year ago.
    We had a happy relationship which he always mentioned he feels happiness when he
    talked to me.
    Then my ex broke up with me ,cause after our meeting we had argue
    and although i asked for forgiveness but he didnt talked to me.
    I did NC for 1 month then when i sent him
    message ,he replied me in a nice way then when i asked him for skype ,again he mentioned
    the reason of break up with me .On January ,we met each other by Skype and he told me
    he has still feeling but he has to forget me cause he has girlfriend recently.
    We can be continue as a friend.I said OK but every time we talked ,he mentioned me
    that still he didnt forget my body and when i was saying,lets come back together ,he said
    this is just sexual attraction and he has to forget me .He even never
    skype me anymore since that time cause he said it is better”No skype,No temptation”
    Then he said to me happy valentine`s day then that night i said to him
    that i downloaded and watched all his naked pictures again and enjoyed
    (After break up we promised to delete all of them cause we were gonna be friends)
    He got angry and said delete the source and i said i cant cause i read our chats
    which is in your language and is good for practicing.
    then he blocked me in Telegram and in his Whatsapp i said to him i did and he said
    i cant believe and blocked me there too.
    Then i sent him an email that he was so cruel to me and broke my heart badly.
    Since 3 months ago that my boy friend blocked me,i didnt send him any message .Now he unblocked me but hasnt sent me any message.
    Should i send him Hi or not? if i have to wait for him to send me message,how many days i have to wait?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      let more time pass and be active in improving yourself and in posting.. especially if you didn’t do that in the past months.. because you dont want to look like you’re just waiting for him to unblock you.. do at least 3 weeks

    • Naf - 0

      Naf

      Ok,his birthday is on july6.
      I will wait till that time then send him happy birthday that day and im sure he will reply me but if the following days he wouldnt start the conversation with me,what should i do?
      I realized he likes to see me i follow him .

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      initiate again the next day or two if he replies.. if he doesn’t wait a week.. it’s ok to initiate, what’s more important is that you’re the one ending the conversation in high note.

  36. SAM - 0

    SAM

    I need your advice. I don’t know whether I should continue to pursue my ex or just give him time… Here’s my story: I started dating Mark in Feb of 2016. We had an instant connection and at the end of our first date, he pressed me up against my car and laid on one of the most passionate kisses I’ve ever head. It was a whirlwind after that and he fast tracked a relationship on me: week 3 he asked me to be his GF, week 4 he took me on a romantic trip to a beach cottage, week 5 he introduced me to his children at the lake house, and week 6 he said I love you. I didn’t say it back at first as it just seemed to be going so fast, but I certainly felt it. I loved him. We were talking about marriage and babies. Then we had our first argument: it was a late Sunday evening, we were both fighting a cold, it was getting late and he was still entertaining his brother and his brother’s friend, I was tired and grumpy, I tried to explain to him that I came over to his place to be with him, but he insisted I was trying to start an argument which he said his ex-wife always used to do, he kept asking me to leave, never once did we say anything nasty, it was all very respectful, I eventually apologized for being a brat, he accepted and calmed down, we had amazing sex after, and I thought all was well. Then he started pulling away and not messaging as much. He later explained that he felt like he was being pulled in too many directions and didn’t have time to keep up with his responsibilities and felt guilty for not giving us a chance. He was also concerned that we had a communication disconnect (which I don’t think we did). I understood this and accepted it and told him that we should just focus on quality and not quantity of time. He really does have a lot going on: 2 very active teenage children that he has more than his ex, a brother with terminal cancer who lives with him and doesn’t have much longer to live, and a new start up business. He broke up with me in June 2016 by text 2 days before my birthday saying that he was sorry for doing this by text but was afraid that if he met with me or spoke with me by phone that he would agree to continue the relationship. I was so shocked that I freaked out. I then did a full 30 days of NC and when I reached out to him by text, he responded within a minute in an overwhelmingly positive way. That was in July 2016. We’ve been texting each other since then with most all of the texts being initiated by me. He almost always responds (unless he’s overwhelmed or stressed) with long flirty fun text messages. We’ve also gone on a few dates and I’ve had sex with him twice. The last time I was with him was right before Thanksgiving 2016. We had an amazing time: as soon as he saw me he pinned me against the wall and laid on a passionate kiss and kept doing that throughout the night, we went to dinner and he sat on the same side with me, we held hands all through the movie, and then went back to my place and lit a fire and had amazing sex. During our last date: he told me how he wanted to ask me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family but I was heading out of town, asked about spending Christmas with me in Colorado, and talked about a beach trip to California, and then he went dark on me (yet again) as his brother was very sick and in the hospital. Our communication was very little through December to April as I was hurt. I reached out to him on his birthday in April. He responded back and asked me to meet him after work for a drink. We met up and had some somewhat awkward conversation (because we hadn’t seen each other in 5 months). We hugged at the end and he kissed me on the check. Now we’ve been texting every few days. And two weeks ago we were sexting and he told me that’s he’s been fantasizing about me for the last several months and that I was the best sex he’s ever had and he can’t get me out of his mind. But again, he feels he’s too busy for a relationship. I guess I’m confused about whether he really is too busy for me or if he doesn’t see enough value in our relationship to continue dating… Should I keep reaching out to him by text? Or should I give him time to figure his stuff out and hopefully miss me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If I was in your case, I would stop talking to him because you’re more of friends with benefits if it’s just sex and no commitment..

    • SAM - 0

      SAM

      I don’t think that we’re friends with benefits… We had sex twice after two amazing dates in the last 9 months. There’s still a lot of attraction between the two of us. My question again is: Is he truly too busy for me or does he not see enough value in our relationship? Do I need to continue to work on creating value through text messages or give him space to come back to me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah but you’re sexting and he said sex with you is all he thinks about…not a commitment.. both of that can be true actually..he can be saying the truth that he’s busy no matter how busy you are, when you’re interested in something, you’ll make time for it.

  37. C - 0

    C

    My ex boyfriend and I dated for ten months but he was going through some problems at home so even after we broke up he was staying at my place for a few days. The last night he spent at mine we had a really good time together, it was clear that the two of us were still into each other. That night he told me he loved me and that we’d fix things soon, he told me the same the next morning just before he left. Two days after that he told me he didn’t want a relationship but then I found out from a friend that he had gotten into a new relationship that same day. My best friend’s boyfriend is friends with my ex so my best friend sees him regularly, and she told me when they went out the other night he got upset whilst thinking about me even though his current girlfriend was there. Today it’s been a month since they started dating and I’m seeing him in four days, is it worth a shot or do I probably have no chance?

    Reply
  38. Michelle - 0

    Michelle

    I ran into my ex boyfriend a a bar. I know he saw me but he stuck around and pretended not to. I approached and said hi. He said he’s not going to kiss me even though I didn’t try to kiss him? Then we hugged a long hug and he kissed my cheek. The next day he sent me this text:
    Sorry I was so awkward, but that’s how I felt. It’s that mix of caring deeply for you, yet, not wanting to send you funny signals.
    Feels like he’s saying I’m not going to let you think there’s a chance to get back together?? Feels bad. What should I do? I never responded. I had asked him to meet up next weekend so I could give him some stuff he left at my house. 3 1/2 yrs living together. He’s 56 & I’m 49.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      be casual..just tell him no worries, don’t be stranger next time. I hope you have a nice day

  39. Natalie - 0

    Natalie

    Hi

    I am dating this guy for the last 6 months and recently I have started feeling that he is taking me for granted. If I ask him to meet me he is always busy or tired but he is out and about with his friends on one phone call from them. We are still together and we talk about getting married soon but I dont want to be in a relationship where I am already being taken for granted.

    I have brought it up 3-4 times in the last 2 weeks, but there is not any change. When I ask him why he doesnt make plans with me, he says that work is busy these days and he is not good at planning dates! But still talks to me about spending future together. If I fight on this, he says that I have to accept him the way he is. But the issue is, he doesnt have time for me but he has all the time to hang out with his friends.

    I am fearing maybe a break up happens soon. I want him to stop taking me for granted. Please suggest what to do.

    Thanks

    Reply
  40. Mariska - 0

    Mariska

    Hi there im mariska and my boyfriend broke up this me on the 7th of April we have been together for a year. We were on a break for 2 weeks and just after the break he told me he loves me and we can make it work then i started fighting with him about something small the rest of the day was nice then 1 day after he broke up with me he cried by my aunt and said he cant take the fights anymore he really loves me but he cant take it and he told me that he does not feel the same way anymore but he will always love me and he just wants me that makes me confused. He told me i was the perfect girl just not for him. I kept him away from his friends and tried to keep him in a box because i always wanted to be with him everyday and he said he also needs his own space. He friend zoned me and told me he is done with the relationship but later when things change we can talk. i also told him once that hes all im gonna have for the rest of my life and i had no chance to experience what is out there this i really regret because i just want him and he told me after the break up i must go out with my friends and experience what is out there we can give it 2 months and if i still feel he is the one for me then we can talk. He wanted to marry me and we talked about if all the time maybe i did to much then he said he does not know if he wants to. i dont know what is going on in his head im in nc for almost 21 days and he has not reacted out to me yet i dont know what to do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you were not active in improving yourself, and in posting, restart the count and do at least 30 days..

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