The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

I Am Going To Coach You… For FREE!

And that’s where I come in!

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Oh, and if you were wondering “Jennifer Christina” is my wife 😉 .

This is another Facebook testimonial from someone who is on the Private Facebook Group.

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If you are interested in joining my Free On Demand Coaching please click the link below,

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What This Page Is About

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

February 1, 2017

1 - The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.

First

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

Second

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.

IMPORTANT:

He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

(Oh, just an FYI. I actually recently put together a massive book on the no contact rule. Check it out.)

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

2 - What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.

Cheating:

(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

3 - What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

To learn more about what other changes you can make during the no contact rule please check out my newest book,

The No Contact Rule Book

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)

This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

4 - Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.

Texting

Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

5 - The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

6 - Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

7 - First Contact Text Message

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

(Quick Sidenote: If you want a much more in-depth look at the process of texting an ex boyfriend I encourage you to take a look at “The Texting Bible.”

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-

“hey…”

“Hello”

“What’s Up”

“Hi”

You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:

“Thxs”
“Great”
“Interesting”

Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

8 - Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”

or

Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

9 - How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. It certainly was in my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

10 - The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

11 - Taking THE Risk

taking-risk

Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
NEVER CALL MORE THAN ONCE A DAY.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Beg,
Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

12 - The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (7,986)

  1. T - 0

    T

    Hey!So I ‘broke up’ with this guy about 2 months ago who wasn’t really my boyfriend but we were seeing each other regularly,he invited me to parties with his friends (he never took any other girl to these parties).Everything was going great but slowly he started to act distant and when I was away visiting family and got back he decided to end things because he said he couldn’t feel the emotional connection and felt awkward in our “relationship”. I still have very strong feelings for him and I tried the no contact rule (only liked some of his instagram posts rarely) but I’m scared if I have any chances of getting him back!I mean he was so eager at the beginning,there must be some of that attraction left,right?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi T,

      how long did you do nc and how much did you improve and post in social media?

  2. vk - 0

    vk

    Me and my boyfriend had been together for 2 years, and are still good “friends”. He broke up with me about a week ago, and we´ve been talking a bit about it, and we´ve been talking like normal. We spent the weekend together and it was amazing, but he has no feelings left, though he would check if there were. It definitely didn’t´t feel like he had lost the feelings when we were together this weekend. He says he´s sorry, and that he cares for me, and he hates this, but thinks its for the best. He says he still wants to be friends and still have me in his life. He says he doesn’t love me any more. I worry that I have tried to “fix” it, but have now started the no contact period. My problem is that i worry that he doesn´t get his feelings back, because he has felt this way for months. That the no contact period will help him see that he made the “right” decision. And i also told him that i needed to not talk for a while for my own sake. He said he only wanted to do whats best for me. Was i wrong to tell him that i wasn’t gonna talk to him?

    I just really need a outside perspective. We could be great friends, but I think we are better as a couple. He says he can´t see us that way because he has no feelings, he doesn’t´ think we match anymore but I do. What do i do if he texts me? Or what i think is even worse, if he doesn’t contact me at all?

    Reply
  3. Natalie - 0

    Natalie

    Hi Chris,

    I have been dating this guy for 8 months. The chemistry, connection and attraction has been at a very high level and even though we argues and fought often we would always make up within hours of a fight.

    His family is a bit conservative and has been looking out for girls for him to get married to. He has given me the assurance that he wants to marry me and will do that by mid this year. However, about a month ago his family forced him to go meet a girl for marriage. He told me before going and gave me the assurance that he will meet the girl and make some excuse to the family that he didnt like her. He also said that in this week itself he will speak to his parents about us. But i got insecure and told him not to go meet another girl. He couldnt say no to his parents so he went. When he came back, he called me up to tell me that he said no but I got agitated and used curse words and told him to go marry the other girl. I was coming from a place of insecurity and anger. He fought with me for a couple of days on using bad words but we made up and everything was fine again. After about 10 days, he called and said that he cannot do this as he is in shock that I could use curse words, he never imagined that I can do that and told me that he wants a break to think about it.

    I gave him a break of about 2 weeks where we didnt contact each other. Later I contacted him, we started talking again but he was being aloof and not the same as before. So I decided to give him attention and make things work, I dragged this for about 2 weeks. After which he again told me that he needs a break as he is not able to forget the bad words and needs some time to forget all that and look at me the same way as he used to before. He said now when he contacts me it will be to propose to me for marriage else he wont. So I gave him a break again.

    After 3 days he called me himself. He said that he is outside my work place and wants to meet me for lunch. I was in a meeting so couldn’t meet him so he left. After that I got vulnerable and texted him why he wanted to meet. So he said he cannot get over that and wanted to talk to me, was missing me a lot. But i cant be in this grey area anymore. So I told him to pick a path. Either be with me completely or be on the break and not call me until he has made up his mind. SO he said he wants to be on the break as of now. Wants to feel relaxed. But He cannot tell me he wants a break and then call to tell me that he is missing me and wants to meet!

    Should I do NC to control these urges to talk in between the break. Or should I talk to him when he calls and give him attention, because he is feeling this way because of my bad words. I am really confused. I do not want to lose him. Please suggest.

    Thanks.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Natalie,

      talk to him one last time
      if it doesn’t work, proceed to 45 day nc..

  4. Chants - 0

    Chants

    My ex and I broke up on Monday. If I can even call him my ex. We have had quite a rocky “relationship” we met last year April and hit it off, thought he was an amazing guy, clicked well. Then about 2 months later we had a fight, because he made an inappropriate comment. I thought we sorted it out, but instead he started talking to a girl from his past again, till i found out. He told ne he had went over to her place and she kissed him and he wad confused about who he wanted to be with. I gave him an ultimatum saying he had to decide. So he said he cant be with anyone.
    I cut him out of my life and a few days later he came back. Saying he made the biggest mistake, he wants me in his life. So we gave ot another try. He was the first to tell me he loves me. So by End August (4months after we started dating) he still hadn’t asked me out. Had a bit of an argument, because I couldnt understand why he couldn’t make the relationship official. And eventually he did it because I said if he cannot decide what he wants, we should go our seperate ways. We were together up until end of the year, and broke up due to a fight over his mother interfering in our relationship and him not making time for me, and prioritising everything else over spending time with me. (about his mother – everytime he was with me she would call or say he has to come home now or things like that – he is a grown man of 27 by the way) same thing happend, we saw each other a few days later and decided to see if we could sort it out, as we were both going through hell after the breakup.
    Everything started going so much better. He spent more time with me and promised to make the relationship official again. And surprise surprise, he didn’t do it when he said he was going to the first time which was end of January. I didn’t mention it, cause i believed he would do it, but last week was kund of the turning point. We were seeing each other for 3 months again, and he still hasn’t done anything to make it official. Which makes me feel extremely insecure and like I am just not good enough. Yet he would tell me he wants no one else and is going to marry me and has never loved someone this much.
    On Saturday he was playing rugby and i left a get together with friends to go and watch him, because he told me he would love to have me there as no one was going to watch him. So I went to support him. Got there ans his friend was there a long with his family, watching him play. So was a little confused about that. Then when he was done playing and sat next to the field, a girl walked up to him and he got up, gave her a hug and spoke to her. Looking me right in the eye and not even greeting me (was the first time he saw me)
    Really upset me, buy he came to me when they were on their way off the field and only greeted me then. I asked him why he didn’t even wave at me or tell me his whole family was coming, then he said he didn’t see me but in the same breath said he saw where I was sitting.and he didnt know they were coming. So i said I was rather going to leave, because it felt like he didn’t really want me there and he told me to go then.
    We didn’t speak afterwards and still hadn’t heard a word the next morning so I asked him what the point was of this. He said ye wasnt going to fight and i just stopped replying. He ignored me the whole of monday, so I decided to ask him to come fetch his things at my place and thats when we talked. I asked him what was going on, and he said I over reacted and he just doesn’t think we should be together anymore. He took his stuff and left.
    Afterwards he messaged me and said maybe things will change, but I was so hurt, I told him he broke my heart and things can never change again. He then said I misunderstood everything, but there is nothing to misunderstand. I told him if he walked out my door he was walking away from me, and that is what he did. He said I should believe what I want then and I asked him to please block me and not contact me again and he said he wont
    Cried myself to sleep that night. Next morning when I woke up i felt so angry and I decided to block and delete anything of him that I had.
    Haven’t heard of him since, but a mutual friend of mine said when he had asked him what happend with us the tuesday evening, it looked like he had to hold back tears when telling him. This friend also says he knows he loves me eventhough he might not always show it.
    I don’t know what to believe. I also do not know what to do. Should i just move on? I have given him so many chances when he screwed up just because I truly loved him.
    But now he can just walk away over a little “argument”

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Chants,

      try a 45 days nc..rebuild rapport slowly after.. if he says he wants you back.tell him to make it official first

  5. Teagan - 0

    Teagan

    So I was dating a guy for just over a month and things were going so so well, he’s quite a busy guy (works 40 hours a week + uni + he’s president of vice-president of this huge project team at his uni) and doesn’t usually have a lot of spare time. When we were seeing each other he would always make time for me and would make the effort to see me every second day pretty much. About 3-4 weeks ago he got into a motorbike accident interstate and his memory started to fade a little bit but he still remembered me and told me how much he missed me etc the next three days I heard nothing from him as he told me he needed to sort some stuff out (uni starting back and managing his injuries) and I said that was fine. After three days I asked if everything was ok and he said he couldn’t continue seeing me and I asked why and he said basically he was so busy and didn’t want to give me false hope but asked to be friends. I haven’t contacted him since but he has liked every single one of my Instagram posts (about 10-15) and relatively quickly he also sends me frequent snapchats of his car and him and his friends hanging out. I was wondering if this could be a possible sign that he is still interested in me and might be wanting me back? Or am I overthinking it?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Teagan

      it’s a good sign, but after nc, sint ask straight away if he wants to get back together..just slowly build rapport..

  6. Sapphire - 0

    Sapphire

    I broke up with my boyfriend and it wasn’t for a good reason, I was just upset. I’m not in the habit of just breaking up every time something comes up but my insecurities got in the way and I broke up with him. I regretted it and I tried texting him and calling him but he said he needed time to think. And I sent him a long text apologizing because I do believe I was in the wrong there and he ignored all my texts and calls and he wouldn’t even meet up with me to return his things. And that weekend he got wasted, which he doesn’t usually do. But a week after he texted me and said he thought about it and he just wanted to be alone for now. And I asked him if there was a chance in the future or if I was supposed to move on and he said that I should move on and if anything changed he would let me know and that he just needed some time for himself. And I’m confused as to what that means he needs time. Time for what? And I’m wondering if he loved me would he have just let me go so easily?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sapphire,

      when was this? Do you want to try the advice above?

  7. MP - 0

    MP

    Hi. I was dating him for 2 and a half years and we lived together for about a year. Adopt pets and we spent the best time of our relationship when I move in. He never had many serious girlfriends, never been in a relationship like that. I’ve never presented anyone to parents (he has 29 years) and finally the last year he introduced me. Talk about our the future, about change our home, about marrige.
    For a while I felt he further away (he was going through a phase with a lot of work and side projects to employment), it would have happened at other times, he seemed absent emotionally and then turned out to be fine. This time I felt more insecure than the other times, I began to urge him to talk to me, I wondered if it was something with us, threatened to get out of the House several times and claimed to be unhappy, but all with the hot head!
    One of the times that threatened to get out of the house, he agreed and said he needed to be alone. In one of the conversations said that when it was fine on my search came, spoke of it as a phase to consider whether we should stay together, spoke to marry. After that I told him I said that, he wanted to work things out. After that he said he needed to distance himself, who was not well and needed to be well, needed to focus on his work. I tried to talk to him twice more about other subjects and he said the same, asked several times I’m sorry and said that wanted to stay away. It seems to me that wants to cut off all contact, don’t talk, don’t talk to me about other things, don’t put likes on Facebook (even in my professional page, a project that he helped me build and that took a lot of pride).
    It’s been a month, I know he’s been too busy and now things calmed down a bit even with a lot of work. We had a great relationship, we had fun too, were accomplices and had very comfortable with each other. We were friends and I that he doesn’t want to keep the friendship with me.
    What do you think of this? What I said makes any sense? There are things that I don’t know?
    There’s hope he may came back?
    Why would he want to walk away? Why he cut off all contact? We just because we didn’t know to manage with this phase, he was swamped and I started getting insecure, but never discussed, never bother. Even at the end we didn’t discuss. I don’t understand.
    I’m going to start NC again (I do one week and I talk, 17 days and talk) Today is day one again.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mp,

      stick to at least 30 days and be very active in improving yourself and in posting in social media too..dont beg or ask to be back..just slowly build rapport after nc

  8. maame - 0

    maame

    I’d been with my ex for 3 and a half years. He recently broke up with me saying he had a lot of problems and that he wanted time to sort them out. A week or 2 later he was dating another girl. And even some of his friends thought he had broken up with me months ago but he keeps saying he just started dating the girl only recently. Despite all that, he still comes close to me, spends nights with me all in the name of ‘trying to ease my pain’. This was too much to bear as i get to see him every day. So i gave him up to the end of this month to really think about what and who he really wants to be with. I dont know if I made the right decision but i still love him and want to be with him forever. And he calls at times to say he wants to be with me, the next, he thinks being away is good. Just because he thinks i cheated on him. And truth is i haven’t. I dont know how to make him believe i haven’t. And how to get him back. What do i do?

    Reply
  9. Naf - 0

    Naf

    Hello
    We were in a distant relationship which we met each other 10 months ago.
    We had a happy relationship which he always mentioned he feels happiness when he
    talked to me.
    6 month ago after my ex broke up with me ,cause after our meeting we had argue
    and although i asked for forgiveness but he didnt talked to me.
    I did NC for 1 month then when i sent him
    message ,he replied me in a nice way then when i asked him for skype ,again he mentioned
    the reason of break up with me .On January ,we met each other by Skype and he told me
    he has still feeling but he has to forget me cause he has girlfriend recently.
    We can be continue as a friend.I said OK but everytime we talked ,he mentioned me
    that still he didnt forget my body and when i was saying,lets come back together ,he said
    this is just sexual attraction and he has to forget me .He even never
    skype me anymore since that time cause he said it is better”No skype,No temptation”
    Last month he said to me happy valentine`s day than then that night i said to him
    that i downloaded and watched all his naked pictures again and enjoyed
    (After break up we promised to delete all of them cause we were gonna be friends)
    He got angry and said delete the source and i said i cant cause i read our chats
    which is in your language and is good for practicing.
    then he blocked me in Telegram and in his Whatsapp i said to him i did and he said
    i cant believe and blocked me there too.
    Then i sent him an email that he was so cruel to me and broke my heart badly.
    It has been 1 month we havent talked .
    What should i do? Is there any chance he comes back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Naf,

      I’m just curious, why was that your reply when he greeted you? It would be better not to send that kind of text again. First, there’s no rapport and attraction yet to be that flirty. Second, it’s devaluing yourself.. honestly, it might have felt creepy for him.. If you still want to try, do a last nc, and then take it slow after nc to rebuild rapport, becauee if you start sexually then that’s all you would get from him too..

    • Naf - 0

      Naf

      After NC one day he was happy and flirty and the other day he was cold and whenever i asked him the reason he said”yesterday we were very intimate and we shouldnt cause this is just sexual attraction
      and i have girlfriend now”
      I know he doesnt have any girl in his life and he said this to me
      just to show me there is someone who wants him.
      cause after our first meeting when he told me we have to
      know each other more and besides the bed and my touch wasnt good
      ,i got upset and i said your p***s was small and he got angry
      and didnt reply me thats why i chose NC for a month .
      Then cause i felt he is still upset and it seemed to me he
      did push and pull theory and made me confused,i decided to reply his greeting that way to mention him,i still like his body.
      Now i dont know if 3months NC is enough or not?

      2-Since im blocked and can just send him email,after NC ,just saying hi is enough to get a reply?

      3-Im also thinking to ask his friends to tell him i still like him.They dont know me
      but i have their Telegram number and i can send them massage.What do you think?

      Thanks in advance

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      A first contact text can’t be just a hi too.. check the link below for a proper nc.. dont ask his friends to help you that way.. because that’s chasing..

  10. Laurie Clarice - 0

    Laurie Clarice

    My ex left me 4 months ago, after a heated fight about moving in together, he wasn’t ready. But we had come to a conclusion about me living closer to see other more often. And that wed revisit the topic in 6 months to a year. I was cool with that. He seemed thrilled to talk about future plans. 5 hours later after i left he dumped me over text saying it was over. No reason or anything. I made all the mistakes over the next several days with no response. Tried to get my things, he wouldn’t talk to me finally he responded saying he didn’t love me and he never did (which i dont believe for a minute because ive never felt the love he gave me more than anyone in the past). He said we’re not meant to be etc. I got my stuff about 2 weeks after and he just left it outside. Nothing since….though ive heard he hasn’t dated, wont date, feels bad for doing what he did …i haven’t tried reaching out since mid January and before that was almost 2 months. Nothing…. im so lost and confused and i miss him so much. I still love him. We’re not that young either, im 37 and hes 46. How to go about trying to get back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Laurie,

      In those times that you didn’t reach out, did you improve yourself and were you active in posting in social media? If he sees your posts now, does it look like you’re not the same person anymore?

  11. N - 0

    N

    My ex and I have been together for 9 years. Recently he broke up with me and told me he needed to focus on himself because he was unhappy. His unhappiness got in the way of our relationship and he did not want to stay and hurt me by not giving his all. It’s been a month since the break up. He is some what talking to someone. But doesn’t want to date, because he does not want to be in a relationship. He recently finally flew to see her. But says its not my business when i asked if they are getting to know eachother. We have gone through so much together. We lost ourselves trying to love eachother. He made it clear he wants to move on. But I still feel like a part of him still wants to be together and that he loves me stilk. He just doesn’t want history to repeate itself, because we did fight alot. Over insecurities and trust. He is moving next month. Should I still do the NC for 30 days? And just let him move?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI N,

      Try nc process first. If it doesn’t work then move on.

  12. Malia - 0

    Malia

    Hello,

    So I’ve been dating this guy I met online for about 6 months, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for commitment and I was okay with being friends/dating it than hit the 6 month mark and I wanted to see what was going on but I got drunk ne night and kind of go into an argument with him and he said he doesn’t want to date someone who does that and its not like I do it all the time. He yelled at me while telling me this and said he didn’t want to date me now or in the future but still wants to hangout and be friends. I got upset that he yelled at me because of the lack of respect and I yelled back saying you hurt me and don’t ever talk to me ever again and I hung up. He texted me asking if I still wanted to talk about it but no respond. Do you think I have a chance of being friends and dating again?

    Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Malia,

      yeah, both of you were just angry..

  13. Annie - 0

    Annie

    Im not sure ive got a chance! I was engaged to my ex and we r jus shy of bein together 5 years! I cheated on him in the beginning but since then we hav gotton engaged! He said he wanted a break three weeks ago that quickly turned into we were over and he had nothing for me! The past two weeks hes bedn givin me mixed signals sayin he loves me jus cant be eith me or cant be with me right now! I started the no contact rule yesterday as we have been fighting and im begging him back and its a mess! Hes jus updated his fb as single! Does this mean just let go?

    Thanks

    Reply
  14. Brooke - 0

    Brooke

    My boyfriend and I broke up two days ago after a year and a half of dating. I was in a bad place when we started the relationship (had just had traumatic events occur right before meeting him), and it took me awhile to start seeing a counselor. By the time I got help, I had already hurt him badly with some of my words/actions. Even though I was mostly healed, he was pretty hurt. Watching that as his girlfriend was hard and made me afraid I would fall back into unhealthy fears again. We broke up two days ago without any yelling, fighting, or anything, because we both agreed that we love each other very much but that we need some time apart so that he can recover from his pain and that I can work on being my own person again from a time before the trauma that had occurred right before I met him. We both love each other very much and do truly want to be together, but I’m scared if I implement the no-contact rule it will make him want to move on. Him and I are basically doing that right now, with the exception being we text each other ‘goodnight I love you’ before bed, to re-instill that we do love and respect each other and are still hoping for a future. Should I continue to do that?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Brooke,
      doing that most of the time leads to being friendzoned

    • Brooke - 0

      Brooke

      What would be the appropriate actions to take? I have to see him everyday at school still. We normally smile at each other when we get there, and then go our separate ways for the day.
      Last night we talked about it and he said he understood where I was at at the beginning of the relationship, and he knows he will want me in his life as a friend or as a girlfriend, but is unsure of which right now. He said he is still very hurt from the bad memories of me yelling at him at the beginning, and isn’t ready to hang out yet because if we hang out while he is still upset, it makes it hard for us to have fun because it’s awkward when he’s upset and then that makes me sad and then it isn’t fun.
      I want to get him back as a boyfriend. What should be the next step?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try the minimal contact rule. Do it like the advice on this one:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  15. Yashira - 0

    Yashira

    Hi Amor, i’ve been with my bf for almost 2 years and we would always have our ups and downs but everything seemed perfect. Last year he left to basic training for the army and I waited 4 months for him( He would send me letters). Then he left for another 4 months but this time he could use his phone. He would text me saying how much he missed me and how he wanted to marry me and he would never ever leave me or hurt me. Once he came back the first month was amazing but eventually he started becoming distant and boring. We argued alot , about stupid stuff. And on my bday I found out he was texting another girl but he said it was just a co worker from the army. But because I freaked out when I found out he broke up with me and didnt talk for a whole month. I eventually asked to see him and we talked and got back together. After that, we broke up and got back together atleast 4 times in 3 months. Everytime he would break up with me when I would question him or ask him if he even loved me or was happy. He would ignore me the day of our fight and then dump me the next day. Only once did he beg me to get back with him and promise that this time would be different , but that only lasted about a week and was back to his old self. I do admit I have trust issues and would blow up his phone when he wouldnt text me back. But he would ignore me instead of picking up the phone and I would freak out even more. This time he broke up with me for the 4th time and it feels legit. I still love him sm and he says he does to but that he feels like I’m never happy and neither is he and he thinks its for Our own good. I begged him not to go and cried but he said he made up his mind. ( he always said that after a break up only to come back after). Do you think this time is permanent? Will the no contact rule work?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Yashira,

      there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but with most on and off relationships, he will probably come back again and if you are going to do a no contact period, stick to at least 30 days..

  16. Maki - 0

    Maki

    My other question is what if he removes me from facebook/Messenger for ignoring his messages. He is a very sensitive guy and takes things to heart or worse still decides to give up and move on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maki

      He already chose that when he broke up with you.. Now, he’s trying to be friends with benefits with you to get what he wants without the commitment.. If he removes you, just let him be. if you’re going to do the no contact rule, focus in healing and improving yourself.

  17. Maki - 0

    Maki

    My boyfriend finished with me two weeks ago and has been sending me mixed signals, the first one being on the day he finished everything he messaged me an hour later to ask if I wanted to go on a bike ride with him on Tuesday(he wrote on the Saturday). When I bumped into him, we live fairly close, he kissed me goodbye on the lips oh we also slept together a couple of times. In short I have had enough and told him that if we’re done then we’re done and I don’t really do the friendship thing but he doesn’t want me out of his life which is what he said and I think is selfish. He invited me to meet up with him to which I declined and he tried again to invite me out when I left. I did not contat him that evening or today . he messaged me this evening to say: ‘ SorryI was going to say that I am not sure if I can write to you, I don’t want you to be angry at me. I thought of you a few times today. Well I don’t want to make this a conversation. Good night. Amor, what should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maki

      He already chose that when he broke up with you.. Now, he’s trying to be friends with benefits with you to get what he wants without the commitment.. If he removes you, just let him be. if you’re going to do the no contact rule, focus in healing and improving yourself.

  18. Nana - 0

    Nana

    hi, I bought your book, but I have a bit of a different situation and I dont find the right answer in it. my ex and I were in ldr, we broke up 7 months ago (I initiated, but then he was the one who went till the end with it)… I then still contacted him and he would also for 1 month… then no contact for more than 3 months, when he contacted me with a friendly fb message and I replied 1 week later and then it so happened he was online and we chatted a bit. he left first. :/ then ca. 3 weeks later I texted him stg about a series as recommended and he would not get back at me for more than a week. but it was a long message then. I then replied just shortly and asked stg, but never got an answer…then 1 month later he had a birthday and I sent him a short nice message and also some pic from the internet I thought he would like… again no answer for ca. 1 week, the answer was then again long, he apologized he had a lot to do, thanked and asked me questions about my life… then I replied after 1 week, also sent a long message, asked 1 question, 2 weeks later still no answer.

    the problem Im facing is that we have to comunicate on fb (he has no phone) and the messages seem to be more in e-mail direction… I tried to spot him online, but it takes way too much time to wait for that… how can I implement the finnishing the conversation and tide theory, which seem to be the major points of attracting again. how can I proceed, so that the response time would get better?
    I was not clingy or needy in any of the messages, I was basically just trying to show my life is good and being friendly… I guess he has zero interest in romance with me now… is there any way to boost things up in this kind of conversation pattern?
    thanks for the answer! 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nana,

      why did it take you a week later to reply to his fb messages?

    • Nana - 0

      Nana

      I was not sure if I was ready for it… I had to think about it at first.
      and the last time, cuz it took him so long and I didnt want to look like I was waiting for an answer. I also was quiet busy and then the time was flying… thanks for an answer!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s ok. At least you can stick to it this time. You’re welcome!

    • Nana - 0

      Nana

      hi, I assume my comment got lost, so I will just type it again… 😉 at first when he wrote to me I was not sure if I was ready, I was scarred I would get hurt if things wouldnt go the way I wanted them to go. took me 1 week to decide. and then the other time it I dodnt want to write back instantly, cuz it took him so long to reply and I didnt want to look desprate/waiting for his reply/not having anything to do… since this whole thing is going nowhere, I assume Im doing stg wrong, just dont know what exactly and need your help with it, please. 🙂

    • Nana - 0

      Nana

      oh, somehow the comment didnt show till I submitted another one, sorry for spamming u! however, from your answer I still dont know how to proceed further? he did not reply to my last message for more than 2 weeks already, I guess he also will not reply at all…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s ok..if you’re in nc now, stick tonit and be very active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.. nc would not help you much if you’re just silent and not improving..after 30 days initiate contact and slowly build rapport

    • Nana - 0

      Nana

      Thanks for an answer! 🙂 exactly today is 30 days, time sure is flying. I will try again. So it happens I have stg intresting to say since Im on a trip. 😉
      Im way past that phase where I would be just sitting around and feeling bad about myself… I improved my life, regained hobies and Im good, just not over an ex. However, it does not affect me very much in day to day life anymore. I try to look at a break up like stg that was not only bad and that it helped me to be a better person and learm stg from it.
      Have a nice day! 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      thank you! You too!

  19. Lola - 0

    Lola

    Ok so i am 16 and he is 18, we dated for 5 and a half months and still planned ahead days before our breakup ,a couple of days ago my bf texted me saying hes been thinking about something or a while, and asked if we should meet for coffee. I met him 30 minutes after that text and we sat down and i asked “whats wrong?” he told me “look I dont love you, i dont know what i feel for you, the feelings i had for you at the start have just slowly started to decrease, its nothing you did, i just dont feel the same way about you anymore, so i think we should stop seeing eachother”, i coudnt bare to stay any longer i was about to burst into tears, so as i stood up i said this is very hard on me, and as i walked past i said “because i actually love you” i left and didnt hear from him, i saw from snapchat that he had gone out to the club that night with his friend and some female supposed friends, the next evening i texted him, “look i need closure, this cant really be the only reason” to which he responded something along the lines of “It is, its got nothing to do with you, its just that i slowly started to not like you as much anymore, and my liking of you has really decreased this month, it nothing you did, i tried to give it another go but, i just didnt like you like that anymore, and i coudnt stand the fact of giving you this illusion that i like you when i dont anymore, you are a wonderfull person and im sure youlle find someone that thinks the same way about you as you them. lets stay friends and leave on good terms.” I said i guess your right and have officially started NC today. Is it really hopeless if he said he lost his feelings for me? I complemented him consantly while dating, we had allot of sex too and spent three days a week together, he seemed totally fine besides being a little less affectionate which was normal for him since he is a shy inexperienced scorpio. Before he met me he was a virgin and hadnt had a serious relationship like ours. He also chose me out of all the other girls giving him attention and we had a bunch in common and even these last few weeks could still talk about random things for hours and hours because we were way more interested in eachother than the movie. The only thing i can think of that made him mabye leave him is that this last month i started to complain about his lack of affection, which i now believe as a participating factor to the breakup, but it never turned into serious fights because he always said he’d try better or i would end up appologizing for being a bit insecure or moody. for the rest everything seemed perfect and we were a great match. not being modest but i am a very attractive woman who gets quite allot of attention, but he knew i was very loyal and always said i was taken, and he was also a very attractive man who had allot of girls want him and even one try and make him cheat which he told me about and told the girl no. on a scale he was a 9 and i am about a 8.5 if im harsh.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lola,

      don’t do that to yourself. Do not put yourself in a lower value than anybody else. Do you want to try the advice above? Open the link below too:
      The Ungettable Girl

  20. Kimmy - 0

    Kimmy

    Hi there, what should I do if my boyfriend for 9 months brought our relationship to a very emotional ending because he felt like the relationship wasn’t good for him anymore? He was torn about the decision and cried his eyes out when he told me in person, but stuck to his decision nonetheless. I understand now what he meant, we are both in high school and we took things to very high levels in our relationship. We became emotionally dependent on eachother essentially, and that didn’t feel like a bad thing when we were on emotional highs with eachother but whenever we would argue as all couples do, or if there was any sort of issue then it would automatically turn into a much larger problem for us because of that dependency. So I know realize that that relationship had to end because it wasn’t healthy for us to depend on eachother and would have turned into a toxic or possibly emotionally abusive relationship of we continued on the path. But I still love him. I did NC for 3 weeks after the first breakup, and ended up having to reach out to him because I believed he had money of mine that I asked him to hold onto at one point. He politely reminded me that we had spent that money together one day when we went Christmas shopping for our families a few months ago. He then asked me how I was doing, sent me good wishes and we had a nice end to that texting conversation. The next day I found some of his clothes that I still had and he has my work hat so we decided to meet up the next day to exchange them. We hadn’t planned on talking but I did write him a note, he read it right there and seemed very moved by it. We talked about how we’d been since the breakup and he said that his feelings vary day to day but he was mostly sad and nostalgic about everything. We hugged a few times and he rested his hand on my face like he always used to do, this appeared to really have gotten to him and we said a friendly goodbye after discussing what went wrong with our previous relationship and we agreed that if trying again was in our future then the dependency needed to change. He texted me 2 days later saying that he couldn’t get me off of his mind since we had talked because as soon as he touched my face all of the memories came flooding back in. He said that since we were both loyal and were happy with eachother majority of the time that he saw no reason why we couldn’t try again and make things work for a long time like we had talked about. I told him that we couldn’t try again and go through all of those feelings if it were to only squeeze a little bit more time our of our relationship. He agreed and told me that we would stay together this time, communicate better, and both have more of a life outside of just dating eachother which was the healthiest thing that we needed to do. So the next day we discussed all of this before school and left the day back together. I was extremely happy and so was he. We felt like our relationship was getting the 2nd chance we both had wanted and we were able to fix what went wrong to ensure that it wouldn’t happen again. For the following days we were just as close as before. Which felt nice temporarily but we hadn’t realized that we were both just jumping right back in to the old relationship without even knowing it. We hadn’t even had a single fight or overly emotional conversation yet he appeared to be unhappy. So I continued to put more and more effort in to try and make him happy and I am only just now realizing that I was being clingy. About a week into being back together, he felt rather distant to me and I had an extremely bad feeling about that. So I wanted to talk after school one day as he promised we would hang out but instead he hung out with his friends. Now, I try not to be overbearing or controlling but I was genuinely upset that he ditched me so early on into the relationship when we had things that needed to be discussed that day, otherwise I would have been all for him seeing his friends because he rarely did in our relationship before and I saw that was an issue for him and wanted him to be more social because I had always admired his extremely social and friendly side. He got defensive (this is all over text) and told me to stop acting the way that I was. He then said that he was trying to be happy but he just didn’t feel fulfilled with our relationship and that he was going to shut his phone off for the night so that he could think. I knew exactly what he was doing. I knew that if he shut off his phone and didn’t communicate with me that night through what he was thinking that he would come to the decision to break up. And I was exactly right. The next morning he found me and told me that he just wasn’t happy and felt that we were ‘chasing memories’ and my heart just broke. He was cold and distant about it, didn’t convey a shred of emotion and just didn’t seem himself at all especially because I know how much he hates hurting people and couldn’t bear doing that to me again if he knew what I was feeling.I begged. I reminded him of the promises, that we promised to really make things work this time and communicate so these things wouldn’t happen. But he still ended it. He blocked me on Facebook and Fb messenger, but I’m fairly sure I still have him on text and definitely on Instagram so I know that future communication isn’t completely impossible. I realize that we both are still young and have so much to learn, and I wouldn’t ever want to be in a relationship with him if I felt that it was bad or unhealthy for either of us. I’ve stuck to NC for 2 weeks now, he hasn’t reached out and so I plan to reach out in 2 weeks. I’m just not sure if all hope is lost now because we didn’t take advantage of the 2nd chance like we should have. We didn’t start out new like we should have or slowly adapt to a healthy relationship together like we should have. I’ve read tons of your articles and watched tons of your videos and am working on myself a lot. I have a new job, I’m doing well in school, trying to change my look and build more friendships to really create a new and more attractive me that I know he would fall in love with. He’d fall in love with me if we were strangers, but does our history destroy the hope of reattraction? I’ve really strengthened myself and become independent and feel like so much better of a person now and am actually ready now and understand the new meaning of our old relationship being dead. But I’m more afraid that any effort I make to reach out to him will be either ignored or he’ll automatically know that I want to get back together so what should I do to come across as strictly friendly and not needy anymore? I want a strong relationship with him more than anything and know that we are both worth this fight and both needed to improve ourselves and to grow as people rather than being stuck in a potentially toxic relationship. So any advise for a new beginning with someone who may view you as bad for them because I hadn’t changed enough the first time around? How do I make him look for as bright future with me rather than just as the our dark past? Any help is appreciated!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kimmy,

      That’s why you have to genuinely improve yourself. If you’re very different from the person he knew, then he wouldn’t see the past in you. Do new things and make new friends, widen your world. Be active in posting in social media even if you’re blocked. That’s what matters more. After nc, continue improving yourself and take it slow in building rapport.

  21. Natalie - 0

    Natalie

    Hi

    My ex and I started dating 6 months ago. The relationship was good and we were into each other. Even though we would argue often, but we would always understand each other in the end. Had a lot of respect and love.
    Now about 2 weeks back, we had a massive fight and in the middle of the fight in a rage of anger I used a curse word. He didn’t talk to me for a day after that, fought a lot later and was really disappointed that I used the curse word. I apologized so he didn’t break up with me then but after 1 week of the episode he shot the gun. He told me that he cannot see a future with me because I used such language. He never expected me to do that, so he is in shock and decided to break up. I asked him to forgive me but he refused and said that he will never be able to overcome the fact that I spoke to him in such a bad way.
    So I accepted his decision of break up and started the No Contact the very next day. Its been 5 days, he hasn’t initiated any contact. I am confused should I continue with the no contact or should I apologize and try to calm him down.

    Please suggest. Thanks.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Natalie,

      You already apologized.. No contact is for you. Let’s hope he does cool down after 30 days, but this time, be active with yourself. Improve yourself.

  22. k - 0

    k

    hi
    my bf ignored me n I broke up. he was too needy. I live at home and he’s in hostel.he wants sex on video call n I gave once when I was alone. my parents oppose a relationship .he asked again for same. I told that parents are at home.he postponed. I lied that I had period because I was scared of parents. he ignored me n never replied. it happened on Feb 11 n 13 I got period. I broke up on 16 Feb. now I want him back….

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi K,

      how old are you both and how long have you been together?

  23. Fiona - 0

    Fiona

    February 21, 2017

    Hi. My ex and I have been split for 8 months and we were together 11 months and we were really getting serious and planning a life together after both of us finish school. Before my ex I was in long committed for 4 years and engaged for 2. I came out from that relationship really broken and stayed single for 1 and half. My ex and I go to the same church and we became friend prior to us dating. I wasn’t so sure about us becoming a couple and I had some trust issues during that time. He was really understandable about my trust issues and promises to be patient. I accepted to give a chance in love again after 11 months together with our ups and downs like all couple my ex decided to end our relationship. Long story short, the week before the split, we argued and did not speak to each other for a week. I then I received a text message from him asking for a “break” It was unexpected from me because it was just a little fight and not a reason to end a serious relationship. The reason he gave me was “it’s not you but me” I knew from experience that it was not the really reason. I was not accepting the breakup I even begged him to stay ( I know I shouldn’t have not beg still regret it but I was desperate at the moment and never apologised for it) at that moment I was just seeing that as another failed relationship and was questioning myself. I finally accepted the breakup, blocked him on everything. However we both go to the same church and could not avoid not seeing every Sunday and apply the “no contact” rule. But after 8 months still can’t get over him I even tried to date other people, was in relationship with someone for 4 months and I can’t stop thinking about him. Recently we start talking again, just small conversation in church and I realised that we really had something special, we connected without even being intimate (sexually) and the way we look at each other in church and sometimes I can feel his eyes on me without me looking back. I found myself thinking maybe we can get that back and start a new relationship. However considering that we both go to same church where everyone talk to everyone we all like a big family so it make impossible to apply the “no contact” rule so how do I go from there?

    Reply
  24. Tash - 0

    Tash

    Hi amor actually he replied back last night after a good 8 hours saying this. “Hey thats nice, good times. Im good thanks hope your great too.” But I don’t know if I should reply because I feel like he’s being distant and don’t really know what to say after that.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Tash,

      you should end reply back to end the conversation and then start a new convo by the end of the day again or the next day at the same time that he replied today.

  25. Tash - 0

    Tash

    Hi amor,
    After no contact, I text my ex saying that I saw a puppy and it reminded me of the time when he sent me a pic of one. All I said at the end was hope he is doing great. He hasn’t replied. It’s been a good 5 hours and I doubt I would get a reply. What do I do now? I knew this was going to happen.

    Reply
  26. b - 0

    b

    Hi, just wanted to leave some words of encouragement for you girls out there. If your ex was a douche, get outta here, you shouldn’t the trying to get a douche back into your life. If he wasn’t, listen- my Boyfriend broke up with me oct 2016 because I was insecure, controlling, possessive, etc. I begged and begged, was a mess and spiralled out of control but thank god I found chris’ site which honestly helped me get along. I read every article here and followed everything to try to make myself better. It was very hard but I kept on trying and Chris’ words kept me going. In dec 2016, I didn’t even expect it at all but we reconnected and he asked me for another another. thank you once again Chris and to all you girls, never give up. Get better, for yourself

    Reply
  27. Angelique - 0

    Angelique

    Hi. Me and my ex have been split for almost 2 years. He was my first boyfriend when I was 16. We lasted for about 8 almost 9 months and were getting really serious in our relationship. We were both Virgins when we were together And when we split up. Then during the summer he met my best friend…well now my ex best friend…and he started to act distant. then my best friend was telling me to break up with him and me and him had our own issues in our relationship we were trying to work out but she always tried getting in the middle…long story short I listened to her and we broke up and he tried winning me back for 3 months but my best friend always tried being a third wheeler and pulling me away from him. And I was with someone else which didn’t last. Then he blocked me on everything and I went to his school to talk to him but he wouldn’t look me in the eye as he rejected me. Then I started to move on and got a new number and started making new friends in college. and going to the gym. Then within 4 months of not contacting him he unblocked me on Facebook. And my friend was telling me my ex wanted my number before he left to basic training for the army. so I gave him my number to give to my ex and he was telling me how he wants another shot. But friends with benefits and I agreed. But then found out he had a girlfriend in training which I didn’t know of. But she broke up with him because she found out and now hes single. And now hes telling me he misses me and I was the best experience hes ever had and talked about having a baby. he even said he loved me. We would start to talk about our family and stuff. But then he wouldn’t text sometimes since hes in training and when he does he’ll go back to being sexual. Help me please. I Dont know what to do. Im so confused.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Angelique,

      why not tell him what you really want?

    • Angelique - 0

      Angelique

      I want to but Idk how to say it… Plus he texted me last night saying hes gonna be home soon from training.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      write it down first.. write down everything you want to say without editing.. and then once your done, read it and then that’s when you edit..

    • Angelique - 0

      Angelique

      Ok. That sounds like a good idea. But should I say it through text or face to face? I know I will get nervous on both. Mainly through text because I won’t know what he is thinking or doing.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      The good side with text is you can edit out everything before sending. The good side with personal is you can convey the right tone of voice and non verbal actions.

    • Angelique - 0

      Angelique

      That’s true. I think I will tell him when he comes home and we are face to face instead of through.l text. That way he can see im serious about this. And that way we won’t misinterpret our words.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      owkie dokie!

  28. Dada - 0

    Dada

    We broke up last month. We been 1 year for now.
    I broke up with him because he was not giving his all in me and denying constantly my needs.
    but then i realized that it was a rush decision so after 2 weeks i came back to him to talk and ask him to get back together
    and fix things. He said it was too late and there are so many things why our relationship wouldn’t worked and issues. And also last thurs i almost begged him to come back literally to try again but his defenses was so high. But i called that night to apologize and said i’m cool with the breakup (even though i’m not). Later on, we talked about our relationship (the good and bad times) and he said he was jealous because someone has brought me flowers and chocolate the other day but he insisted i should try to entertain that guy.

    As a couple, we regularly fight over silly things but got back together and with passion. but this time it’s really serious we haven’t have this long no talk together This guy also had a 7 year long term relationship before we met, I’m just scared he will got back together with the his ex. But his ex has relationship but it long distance.

    What should I do ? I want a new relationship with him . I want to make right this time.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dada,

      why would you think he would go back with his ex? And also, it’s not good that you begged for him back.. although you did take back what you said, but ofcourse, it would still be at the back of his head. There’s no conviction..I think you need to restart the no contact period.. and then stick to 30 days, be active in improving yourself and then slowly rebuild rapport after.

  29. Cassie - 0

    Cassie

    Hey. I met this guy in college, and we clicked from the very beginning. Within a month he told me he loved me and wanted to see where things went with us. We were sexual with each other 3 times during the first month we knew each other and about a month later I found out I was pregnant with his child. I told him and we got into several arguments because we couldn’t agree on what should be fine about the pregnancy. I told him that I didn’t think we should try to be together anymore and three days later he started taking about him going on a date with a new girl. About a week later he told me they made things official and I cut off contact. I told him that I didn’t think we should talk unless it concerned school or the baby. He contacted me last night saying that he still loves me and that I really hurt him by breaking up with him and I told him I only broke up with him because I thought he didn’t love me anymore and he said he would love to give me a second chance but he doesn’t feel like it’s right for him to just leave this girl as he has known her for years and doesn’t want to hurt her. It kills me to know that I messed everything up by being insecure and that we’d still be together right now if I hadn’t left him. I see him every single day and he makes it a point to bring her up around me and has actually told me that he likes making me jealous because it shows that I still love him. I don’t know how to do no contact because I have to work with him at school everyday because we are partners on our hands on projects and because I’m pregnant. What do I do?

    Reply

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