The first instinct is to panic when someone you want to connect with is ignoring you. So, of course, the first thing I am going to tell you not to panic.
It’s not the easiest thing to even imagine doing.
I know it.
So, let’s talk about this.
Most of the time the ladies that find their way to our site are looking to get an ex back. But whether you are looking to get an ex back or if there’s a guy you are into that is just not giving you the time of day any more, I can tell you what you can do to change that.
Let’s go ahead and get started.
Is He Actively Ignoring or Just Unaware of Your Presence
Although, I have seen some men that filled their schedule up so much after a split that they don’t even have time to think about talking to their exes.
Cutting someone off completely makes things simpler for them.
But it happens regularly.
If he’s your ex, then it’s likely that he is just trying to get some space. Breakups are never easy and interacting with each other after that can be a little… painful and possibly annoying, Depending on what end of the breakup he was on (if the breakup was voluntary on his end or not).
If he is someone you haven’t dated yet, but he just suddenly started ignoring you, then there are a few explanations.
- He lost interest.
- Things weren’t going at the pace he expected.
- He turned his focus to something, or someone, else.
Take a deep breath.
I’m assuming if you are looking up solutions online that he isn’t the type of guy to give you the silent treatment regularly. Either that or the way that you normally deal with the silent treatment isn’t working.
No matter what, your instincts will tell you to try to force him to pay attention to you no matter what situation you are in. You’ll find yourself driven to do all sorts of things.
You will want to beat yourself up about it. Don’t. It won’t fix anything.
You’ll want to hyper focus on everything he is doing and over analyze every little thing that he does.
You’ll want to pester him, text him. We call that GNATTING, Going Nuts At Texting.
And no one likes a gnat.
If you have ever lived somewhere warm you know that gnats are annoying and everyone just shoo’s them away.
You are going to need to override all of your natural instincts to try to force him to pay attention to you again.
Just follow the instructions below.
Step One: Generate Interest
First thing’s first. Stop everything. Don’t call, text, or contact him in anyway. We call this No Contact. You can read more about it here.
If he’s an ex, then you are going to want to follow the standard guidelines for the length of time to stick to No Contact that are laid out in that article. The minimum being 21 days, and the max being 45 days.
If he isn’t an ex then we are going to take it week by week.
What I mean is that if his ignoring you isn’t the result of a breakup then you are going to start of with a goal of No Contact for 1 week… then two… then three.. And so on. It shouldn’t take more than a week or two for him to take notice.
During this time you are going to generate interest by doing a few things.
- Keep Living Your Life. Don’t stop and turn all of your focus on him and what he’s doing. Instead, put all of your focus on what you are doing and make the most of it. Follow through on everything you’ve been putting off or overlooking. Redirect your focus towards interests, far-fetched dreams, basically anything positive thing that will add to your life and make it better. Because, guess what… If it’s better on the inside, then it will look better from the outside. And he’ll get curious. And you know what becomes impossible when you are curious… ignoring the person you are curious about.
- Learn the Art of Subtlety. Being pushy isn’t attractive. And shoving stuff in someone’s face doesn’t force them to find it interesting. In fact, the real way to make that work is to allow them to find it on their own. Even then, you should only let them see a small bit of it and keep the majority of it hidden. For example, if you are spending a majority of your time going on adventures with friends… let’s say… hiking or climbing… then you post one or two pictures on social media. What you don’t do is write an expose about every single little thing you’ve been doing. You want to have something to talk about when you reconnect. Makes sense. Right?
- Make Everyone Else Love You. Do this by being genuine and charismatic, not by begging or making everyone feel bad for you. Most people get those two things confused at this point and end up making everyone around them feel manipulated or worse, feeling sorry for them. Every person in the world, except for maybe hermits, have what we call a Circle of Influence. It’s the people that surround him.Here’s how you use the knowledge you have of the people that surround your ex to tell the narrative that you want him to hear while you’re in No Contact. You avoid putting all of your drama and raw emotions all over the place. Just don’t. Confide in a few people you trust and keep that stuff off social media. Instead, keep live your life as positively as possible. That is the only part of your life that you should allow online. if anyone outside of the few people you trust ask you how you’re doing or how you feel about your ex… you are doing GREAT. It’ll drive and ex crazy and right back into the habit of thinking about you. And it’ll generate interest from anyone who is used to you paying them attention when you suddenly have a life outside of them.
Step Two: Reach Out
It is no secret that texting is my first choice when it comes to reaching out. In fact, I wrote a whole article about it called “Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)” that you should definitely read even if the guy who’s attention you are after isn’t an ex.
There’s a guideline for how things go in there that I am going to elaborate on for both situations. I even made a cool little graphic to make it easier to follow along.
The most important thing you’ll have to remember overall if you want to succeed is that you are going to have to be patient. Texting and getting the right responses takes time and if you rush the process you WILL fall flat on your face.
Sorry, but that’s the truth.
But that first text after No Contact… that’s like putting your toe in the pool to see if it’s too cold. You don’t want to just jump in with both feet and end up accidentally taking a polar plunge. Instead you want to ease into things with a completely nonthreatening opening.
Things your first text should be:
We’re not here to pick a fight. Right? We want to open up the line of communication. This text should have a completely innocent “I happened to think of you, so I texted you without thinking…”
To incite is to get something started. You want to make him feel excited to respond. This can be achieved with an “You will never guess what just happened…” or “Oh my gosh you will never believe what I did/am going to be doing…” type of starter. And it should be on a topic that he will actually be interested in. I don’t care if he used to be so into you that he got as excited as you were about the new waxing salon you found. Follicle hygiene is not an exciting topic for anyone other than you and your girlfriends. Hey, I’m here to get him to stop ignoring you. That means that I’ll be brutally honest. Save the girly shoptalk for when you and your bestie are getting mani/pedis.
You don’t ever want to ask something that can be answered with a simple ye, no, or short answer. You want him to instinctively go on and on about whatever it is. This make him feel like HE started the conversation rather than you. Sneaky, right?
The one thing it most certainly should NOT be is a time to reminisce about romantic or sexy moments. Just no.
Step Three: Keep the Interaction Going
If you actually went and looked at the article I linked to earlier, you’ll see that I talked about something called tide theory.
First of all, we all know what a tide is, right? I’m just going to assume you don’t think I’m talking about detergent and that you understand that I mean the natural pull of gravity on the ocean that causes things like… waves.
We all on the same page?
Basically, I want you to picture a beach.
High Tide: when the water comes far up onto the beach. If you were sitting on a peir, you might be able to touch the water from it. Heck in a really high tide the pier might actually be under water.
Low Tide: when the water is far away from the shore. There’s basically more sand that water.
Here’s a pic.
The beach is consistently gradually changing between these two states. Let me emphasis that I said gradual! The only times that it does so quickly is in a feat of nature like a tidal wave created by tectonic plates shifting or a hurricane.
Alright, if I don’t explain why I’m talking about this I’m afraid I might lose you. So, let me explain
The tide represents the amount of texts you send your guy in order for it to seem natural. You don’t want to be a tidal wave.
You are going to go from Low Tide (barely texting him) to High Tide (texting him regularly) as gradually as possible. You want him to not even notice that the tide has risen. Before he knows it he’ll be swimming happily.
Here’s how to space out the texts you send.
Day One: 2 Text
Day Two: 2 Texts
Day Three: No Texts
Day Four: 4 Texts
Day Five: 4 Texts
Day Six: 6 Texts
Day Seven: 6 Texts
Day Eight: 8 Texts
Day Nine: 8 Texts
Day Ten: 10 Texts
Day Eleven: 10 Texts
Day Twelve: 12 Texts
Day Thirteen:12 Texts
Day Fourteen: 14 Texts
Day Fifteen: 15+ Texts
It should be 1-to-1, for every text you send their should be a response. If he doesn’t respond you don’t continue.
Like let’s say you’ve gotten to day four and you’ve sent three texts but he stopped responding after third one.
Day One: 2 Text
Day Two: 2 Texts
Day Three: No Texts
Day Four: 3 Texts – third, unanswered
Okay, so, the next day, start again. You can’t move on to Day Five until you get 3 answered texts.
If he doesn’t even respond to the first text on “Day Four: The Sequel” then you should back up to day three and skip a day before starting over.
And That is How You Get a Man to Stop Ignoring You
Let’s review though, just for my peace of mind.
Step 1: Generate Interest during No Contact by continuing to Live Your Life, Learning Subtlety, and by utilizing his Sphere of Influence.
Step 2: Reach Out via Text
Step 3: Keep The Interaction Going
Step 4: Phone Calls
Step 5: Casual Meet Up(s)
Step 6: Romantic Date-Type Meet Ups
I ended the explanation at Step 3 because I tend to get a little long winded and statistics say you can’t handle much more in one sitting. And to be honest, if your goal is to get him to stop ignoring you then you should be able to accomplish that simply with those 3 steps.
But… if you want more than just his attention, I went ahead an added the graphic here at the end so you don’t have to scroll all the way back up, or you can follow up on our site (Best place to start is with the article I mentioned earlier) for more information about how to win his heart.
Too cheesy? Yeah, I need to step away from the keyboard…