The first instinct is to panic when someone you want to connect with is ignoring you. So, of course, the first thing I am going to tell you not to panic.

Okay.

It’s not the easiest thing to even imagine doing.

I know it.

So, let’s talk about this.

Most of the time the ladies that find their way to our site are looking to get an ex back. But whether you are looking to get an ex back or if there’s a guy you are into that is just not giving you the time of day any more, I can tell you what you can do to change that.

Let’s go ahead and get started.

Is He Actively Ignoring or Just Unaware of Your Presence

Although, I have seen some men that filled their schedule up so much after a split that they  don’t even have time to think about talking to their exes.

Cutting someone off completely makes things simpler for them.

That could seem a little harsh I suppose.

But it happens regularly.

If he’s your ex, then it’s likely that he is just trying to get some space. Breakups are never easy and interacting with each other after that can be a little… painful and possibly annoying, Depending on what end of the breakup he was on (if the breakup was voluntary on his end or not).

If he is someone you haven’t dated yet, but he just suddenly started ignoring you, then there are a few explanations.

  1. He lost interest.
  2. Things weren’t going at the pace he expected.
  3. He turned his focus to something, or someone, else.

Take a deep breath.

I’m assuming if you are looking up solutions online that he isn’t the type of guy to give you the silent treatment regularly. Either that or the way that you normally deal with the silent treatment isn’t working.

No matter what, your instincts will tell you to try to force him to pay attention to you no matter what situation you are in. You’ll find yourself driven to do all sorts of things.

You will want to beat yourself up about it. Don’t. It won’t fix anything.

You’ll want to hyper focus on everything he is doing and over analyze every little thing that he does.

You’ll want to pester him, text him. We call that GNATTING, Going Nuts At Texting.

And no one likes a gnat.

Right?

If you have ever lived somewhere warm you know that gnats are annoying and everyone just shoo’s them away.

You are going to need to override all of your natural instincts to try to force him to pay attention to you again.

Just follow the instructions below.

Ready?

Let’s go!

Step One: Generate Interest

First thing’s first. Stop everything. Don’t call, text, or contact him in anyway. We call this No Contact. You can read more about it here.

If he’s an ex, then you are going to want to follow the standard guidelines for the length of time to stick to No Contact that are laid out in that article. The minimum being 21 days, and the max being 45 days.

If he isn’t an ex then we are going to take it week by week.

What I mean is that if his ignoring you isn’t the result of a breakup then you are going to start of with a goal of No Contact for 1 week… then two… then three.. And so on. It shouldn’t take more than a week or two for him to take notice.

During this time you are going to generate interest by doing a few things.

    1. Keep Living Your Life. Don’t stop and turn all of your focus on him and what he’s doing. Instead, put all of your focus on what you are doing and make the most of it. Follow through on everything you’ve been putting off or overlooking. Redirect your focus towards interests, far-fetched dreams, basically anything positive thing that will add to your life and make it better. Because, guess what… If it’s better on the inside, then it will look better from the outside. And he’ll get curious. And you know what becomes impossible when you are curious… ignoring the person you are curious about.
    2. Learn the Art of Subtlety. Being pushy isn’t attractive. And shoving stuff in someone’s face doesn’t force them to find it interesting. In fact, the real way to make that work is to allow them to find it on their own. Even then, you should only let them see a small bit of it and keep the majority of it hidden. For example, if you are spending a majority of your time going on adventures with friends… let’s say… hiking or climbing… then you post one or two pictures on social media. What you don’t do is write an expose about every single little thing you’ve been doing. You want to have something to talk about when you reconnect. Makes sense. Right?
    3. Make Everyone Else Love You. Do this by being genuine and charismatic, not by begging or making everyone feel bad for you. Most people get those two things confused at this point and end up making everyone around them feel manipulated or worse, feeling sorry for them. Every person in the world, except for maybe hermits, have what we call a Circle of Influence. It’s the people that surround him.Here’s how you use the knowledge you have of the people that surround your ex to tell the narrative that you want him to hear while you’re in No Contact. You avoid putting all of your drama and raw emotions all over the place. Just don’t. Confide in a few people you trust and keep that stuff off social media. Instead, keep live your life as positively as possible. That is the only part of your life that you should allow online. if anyone outside of the few people you trust ask you how you’re doing or how you feel about your ex… you are doing GREAT. It’ll drive and ex crazy and right back into the habit of thinking about you. And it’ll generate interest from anyone who is used to you paying them attention when you suddenly have a life outside of them.

Step Two: Reach Out

It is no secret that texting is my first choice when it comes to reaching out. In fact, I wrote a whole article about it called “Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)” that you should definitely read even if the guy who’s attention you are after isn’t an ex.

There’s a guideline for how things go in there that I am going to elaborate on for both situations. I even made a cool little graphic to make it easier to follow along.

The most important thing you’ll have to remember overall if you want to succeed is that you are going to have to be patient. Texting and getting the right responses takes time and if you rush the process you WILL fall flat on your face.

Sorry, but that’s the truth.

But that first text after No Contact… that’s like putting your toe in the pool to see if it’s too cold. You don’t want to just jump in with both feet and end up accidentally taking a polar plunge. Instead you want to ease into things with a completely nonthreatening opening.

Things your first text should be:

Nonthreatening

We’re not here to pick a fight. Right? We want to open up the line of communication. This text should have a completely innocent “I happened to think of you, so I texted you without thinking…”

Inciting

To incite is to get something started. You want to make him feel excited to respond. This can be achieved with an “You will never guess what just happened…” or “Oh my gosh you will never believe what I did/am going to be doing…” type of starter. And it should be on a topic that he will actually be interested in. I don’t care if he used to be so into you that he got as excited as you were about the new waxing salon you found. Follicle hygiene is not an exciting topic for anyone other than you and your girlfriends. Hey, I’m here to get him to stop ignoring you. That means that I’ll be brutally honest. Save the girly shoptalk for when you and your bestie are getting mani/pedis.

Open Ended

You don’t ever want to ask something that can be answered with a simple ye, no, or short answer. You want him to instinctively go on and on about whatever it is. This make him feel like HE started the conversation rather than you. Sneaky, right?

The one thing it most certainly should NOT be is a time to reminisce about romantic or sexy moments. Just no.

Step Three: Keep the Interaction Going

If you actually went and looked at the article I linked to earlier, you’ll see that I talked about something called tide theory.

I’ll give a brief little run down of what exactly that is, but if you want details on how to make it work, you should definitely follow up with the Texting Article or the Texting Bible.

First of all, we all know what a tide is, right? I’m just going to assume you don’t think I’m talking about detergent and that you understand that I mean the natural pull of gravity on the ocean that causes things like… waves.

We all on the same page?

Good.

Basically, I want you to picture a beach.

There is…

High Tide: when the water comes far up onto the beach. If you were sitting on a peir, you might be able to touch the water from it. Heck in a really high tide the pier might actually be under water.

Low Tide: when the water is far away from the shore. There’s basically more sand that water.

Here’s a pic.

The beach is consistently gradually changing between these two states. Let me emphasis that I said gradual! The only times that it does so quickly is in a feat of nature like a tidal wave created by tectonic plates shifting or a hurricane.

Alright, if I don’t explain why I’m talking about this I’m afraid I might lose you. So, let me explain

The tide represents the amount of texts you send your guy in order for it to seem natural. You don’t want to be a tidal wave.

You are going to go from Low Tide (barely texting him) to High Tide (texting him regularly) as gradually as possible. You want him to not even notice that the tide has risen. Before he knows it he’ll be swimming happily.

Here’s how to space out the texts you send.

Day One: 2 Text

Day Two: 2 Texts

Day Three: No Texts

Day Four: 4 Texts

Day Five: 4 Texts

Day Six: 6 Texts

Day Seven: 6 Texts

Day Eight: 8 Texts

Day Nine: 8 Texts

Day Ten: 10 Texts

Day Eleven: 10 Texts

Day Twelve: 12 Texts

Day Thirteen:12 Texts

Day Fourteen: 14 Texts

Day Fifteen: 15+ Texts

It should be 1-to-1, for every text you send their should be a response. If he doesn’t respond you don’t continue.

Like let’s say you’ve gotten to day four and you’ve sent three texts but he stopped responding after third one.

Day One: 2 Text

Day Two: 2 Texts

Day Three: No Texts

Day Four: 3 Texts – third, unanswered

Okay, so, the next day, start again. You can’t move on to Day Five until you get 3 answered texts.

If he doesn’t even respond to the first text on “Day Four: The Sequel” then you should back up to day three and skip a day before starting over.

And That is How You Get a Man to Stop Ignoring You

Let’s review though, just for my peace of mind.

Step 1: Generate Interest during No Contact by continuing to Live Your Life, Learning Subtlety, and by utilizing his Sphere of Influence.

Step 2: Reach Out via Text

Step 3: Keep The Interaction Going

Step 4: Phone Calls

Step 5: Casual Meet Up(s)

Step 6: Romantic Date-Type Meet Ups

I ended the explanation at Step 3 because I tend to get a little long winded and statistics say you can’t handle much more in one sitting. And to be honest, if your goal is to get him to stop ignoring you then you should be able to accomplish that simply with those 3 steps.

But… if you want more than just his attention, I went ahead an added the graphic here at the end so you don’t have to scroll all the way back up, or you can follow up on our site (Best place to start is with the article I mentioned earlier) for more information about how to win his heart.

Too cheesy? Yeah, I need to step away from the keyboard…

Good luck!

47 thoughts on “How to Get a Guy to Stop Ignoring You”

  1. Avatar

    Curiositykillthecatnomore

    July 30, 2019 at 12:37 pm

    Well, most people here wants to know how to get their ex back. But what advice can u give to people who knows their ex is a narcissistic sociopath and need to move on but can’t? You know what they say, love is blind. Time will heal. And all that. But how can we really move on fast and forget this ex?

  2. Avatar

    Emma

    July 9, 2019 at 11:50 am

    Hello Chris,
    So, there’s this much older guy that I’ve been interested to just sleep with and he was interested in me the same way but my age kind of made him hesitate cause I’m 17 and he’s 24. He was always concerned because I’m not 18 yet but we kept talking and he asked me to pick a date for us to meet. So it was all good between us. We dont always talk we just hit each other up when we’re feeling ‘you know’. Okay so one day when I hit him up he just randomly ignored me and never texted me back again. I’m ashamed to say that I kept texting him and he still ignored me. So like a week and a half later (today) I texted him and he replied but he was very distant. And i asked him if he was worried and if we could wait until i turn 18 if he was, and he said yeah okay that he’d be okay with it. And then I asked him if it made him anxious to even talk to me cause of the age thing and he hasn’t replied since. So what do you think I should do? Should I just wait until he reaches out (if he ever does)? Or should I reach out in a week or two again just to see where his head’s at?

  3. Avatar

    DeJa

    June 25, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    So I started seeing this guy in November. We had just gotten back in touch and we starting hanging out and things were going great. No pressure and we were good together. We took things slow and slept together after a month of talking. Went on a trip in December and he brought up dating. However, he has an ex gf of 7 years that was always around. He is now ignoring me and it seems like he and the ex gf are back together. What should I do?

  4. Avatar

    Simm

    June 13, 2019 at 12:40 am

    This guy and I were talking for a couple weeks and things were beginning to get serious. He had always told me his grandparents are in critical condition in the hospital and that he is always busy with being at the hospital. Two weeks ago he suddenly stopped texting me and when i asked him why he told me he cant comit to anyone because he is always focusing on his grandparents in the hospital and that he needs space so i agreed with that. However he still sends me snapchats and is always liking tweets from other girls on twitter, will he ever come back, should i be worried that he just wanted to stop talking to me and should i leave him alone for a month and then message him to see what happens?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 13, 2019 at 2:49 pm

      Hi Simm….it seems that you would be in a better position if you had an ex recovery plan to follow. Feel free to explore what I have to offer on this website. The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Bundle Program is one such resources I think will help you!

  5. Avatar

    Bear

    June 11, 2019 at 9:38 pm

    There’s this guy who I barley started seeing, when we are together we are fun and funny. The 1st night we hooked up he told me loved me, I was shocked and just said it back. Well the next day I texted him a lot and he told me to stop and I didn’t ( insane) we’ll eventually he had to block me on everything 2-3 months go by I text him off a app cause I have no way of contacting him… he unblocked me from Instagram and was like what do you want, we ended up meeting that night. He explained to be how I scared me and I told him I know I’m sorry, he said I see you in person and I know your not crazy, I also act an asshole but deep down I’m sweeet. He asked me to be his gf that night I said you don’t mean it so the night ends I go home we kiss goodbye, I left my phone there had to pick it up later he gave me a hug… blah blah. The next day I text him and he goes back to ignoring me, I tell him “here we go again” he straight goes off on me telling me he will having feelings for me like I do for him, this will never be anything. I’m like okay I just miss you.. and want to see you again. He’s like get over me. So I turn into a gnat again, but this time I catch myself and explain to him that I do text a lot and I gotta pull it together, ya feel me. He says no I don’t I literally say you don’t have to understand goodnight he’s like dude stop I said “ I said goodnight, now fuck off”. And it’s been 2 days and I have spoken to him. Do I need to just move on or is this guy going to let me back in? I want him badly and I’m sticking to the NC.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 11, 2019 at 11:11 pm

      HI Bear….so yes, I think sticking with NC and all the things I talk about in my Program is the right move!

  6. Avatar

    Punyatoya

    May 29, 2019 at 10:24 am

    I wrote a huge comment did it even reach ?

  7. Avatar

    Punyatoya

    May 29, 2019 at 10:20 am

    I met this guy over the social media and we started meeting up. Then he had to shift another city for his job.We talked daily as friends then though he asked me out sometimes. My ex was very self sufficient he was earning online as well besides his job. Unfortunately he lost both his jobs after 5 months and returned to my city and he did not inform at home about losing jobs. We actually started dating then and went into a relationship and we eventually came closer. I had a failed relationship before so i rejected him at first but he said he was different from other guys and he will make me fall in love with him. He will try looking for new jobs and keep his mom and me happy. He convinced me by his sweet words and actions and I started loving him madly. He was unbelievably caring. Due to my failed relationship before I started putting lots and lots of effort to make the relationship last anyhow. I lied at home, bunked my classes and did whatever the guy wanted to make him happy and I even planned to tell at home about him. After dating for 4months of relationship he even proposed me for marriage and talked of babies and i started dreaming,but after the 5th month i started to see that he was ignorant towards me. My love was at peek then. The number of texts reduced. I literally begged for his attention his love but i found a drastic change in him though he said he loved me. His number of texts reduced, the romantic words vanished he never called and hardly met.I fought with him for this because i was upset and instead of telling me things will be alright he said ‘nothing has changed stop nagging me i dont want to talk’. He never wanted to sort out things and escaped situations by ignoring texts rejecting my calls. I convinced myself perhaps he is upset because he is not getting jobs yet maybe that’s why he is behaving this way. I gave him space though he still kept pushing me away. I met him or talked to him only when he needed me but i never got him when i needed him. It affected my studies. Ultimately there came a day when he showed lots of ego not totally misunderstanding me hurting me like hell and i had to say i could not live like this. His basic point was i had to do whatever he wants and whenever he wants without understanding my situation and told me not to meet him and his self respect was more important than my intense love for him. Though i begged and lost much of my own self respect for the guy. We broke up and he was very much okay with it but i kept suffering. My friends told me not to text him until he does. I am quite sure he will never text me. Still i wait. If he needs me someday I am there. I love him madly. I cry all night for me.It’s already 3days without him. He didnot text. I dont feel like doing anything I tried so much this time but I failed him. Should I keep any hope?? What should I do? I did text him once he kept it unseen. And calls he will never recieve. Chris and team please help me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 29, 2019 at 11:07 pm

      HI Punyatoya…so i see a lot has been going on and you have been thru a lot. What matters most going forward is your healing and recovery and also having a sensible ex recovery plan. That is what my Program is all about.

  8. Avatar

    Erika Schwartz

    May 29, 2019 at 1:58 am

    Chris,
    I was in a LDR for a year and a half we were engaged and this man was head over heels in love with me, we were engaged….I loved him very much but was scared- said some stuff I didn’t mean trying to push him away and I broke off the engagement- and he was DEVASTATED. He acted like everything was fine and he was waiting for me to come around and when I did- he was seeing 4 other women- then I was devastated. I want him back but he’s so scared I’ll leave him again- he’s scared to get back together. I know he still loves me but how can I help him get past this fear? He’s willing to try to be friends and see if we can rekindle things- can that work? We’re soul mates. I seriously cannot live my life without him, I’ll never forgive myself!

  9. Avatar

    Shannon

    May 28, 2019 at 4:45 am

    Hi again, Chris.

    I hate too comment again but I’m still just a bit confused due to all the reading I have done on here. Different things say different things about my situation. Like one post says I shouldn’t do NC because its the first time breaking up, one says to go a week at a time, a few suggest that he probably has lost intrest and doesnt want to talk, then of course there is the main blog thar suggest NC and such. I’ve read probably 60% of the blogs on here and some of them conflict. So I am really confused about which steps to take considering the different blogs i have read on here.

    He did ghost, but didn’t delete me off anything. He hasn’t messaged me since he ghosted me at the second part of the breakup I suppose (even though we werent techinally togethet yet). I can see who views my stories and such and he hasnt yet. I am in NC though I’m not sure how that works with ghosting. It just seems he has no intrest at all and that its done. I am really trying to understand so I would really appreciate clarifcation on which of the many different tactics (blogs) to try. Because currently Im doing the main suggestions but the ghosting/ignoring blogs suggest I should do something differently. :/

  10. Avatar

    Shannon

    May 27, 2019 at 3:47 am

    I made a large comment but am not sure if it went through. If it did and this also went through please ignore it.

  11. Avatar

    Shannon

    May 27, 2019 at 3:41 am

    Hey Chris and team,
    I really don’t know what steps to take and I have read a large amount of the posts but none seem to touch on my situation so I am at a bit of a loss.
    This guy and I were dating, but we were at the point of being offical it just was waiting till we met up again. It had been a few months and the chemisty was unreal. Phone calls nonstop, in person was magical. On his way over his sent me a huge breakup message about how he had issues and knew we wouldnt work and then he ghosted me.
    I went a bit off the end the first few hours saying are you serious and stuff then I cut contact for a few days. I eventually messaged him and was like hey I know you got scared and ran but Im still here. He messaged back and would not stop apologizing and saying he wanted to try again. So I forgave him and we started talking again. He promised he wouldnt go anywhere and we would work on it then legit a day later he ghosted me again. I told him it wasnt okay to do that and he said he couldnt speak to me without feeling bad so then I said well okay if we cant talk then I guess it really is done because the mind games were to much.

    He never replied to that message and hasn’t sent anything since the message saying he felt bad when we spoke. I went NC but he had ghosted me anyways so i don’t think he noticed. I kept him on fb and have been posting some cute photos, getting comments off other guys, starting seeing about maybe going on a date with someone else. I havent been stalking or anything and been working on myself while in NC, I know he doesnt have to message me in NC for it to work but I don’t even know if NC is suitable for this situation? Or if he just doesnt have intrest anymore. I’m just really confused and i’ve read so much on here because it helps my anxiety but I dont know if Im taking the right steps. And i miss him like crazy. Any any help would seriously be appreciated. Thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 27, 2019 at 8:32 pm

      Hi Shannon…you might be surprised about how these ex boyfriends that resort to ghosting are really still tracking you in certain subtle ways. I am glad you are working towards your own betterment thru the recovery strategies I talk about. If you follow my Program (EBR Pro Bundle), you anxiety will likely be reduced in a meaningful way. Its normal to miss your ex like crazy in the beginning, but you want to put those desperate feelings of needing him behind you as that empowerment will open you up to more positive things in your life.

  12. Avatar

    maria

    May 24, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    hi i been seeing this guy for two months i text on tuesday i would enjoy his cuddles and kisses.he the only one to do it. he didd´nt text back afterwards .We are supposed to see each other on sunday ?

  13. Avatar

    Ashley

    May 20, 2019 at 8:42 pm

    i was talking to this guy and he asked for his space because i just didn’t feel ready to be in a relationship yet but never said it wouldn’t happen. he knew from the beginning but we just got really close in the last three months- two weeks later he tells me he’s thinks he’s in love with me & so we agree that we will meet up to talk. he’s been home over a week but has not reached out at all. so i am extremely bothered by that. i felt i became a texting gnat so i stopped. i genuinely care for him but i don’t know if it’s worth it. the mind games are anxiety inducing.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 21, 2019 at 3:51 pm

      I am sorry he is playing mind games. Perhaps its time to employ No Contact. Take a look at my Program (EBR Pro Bundle) as it can help you see the bigger picture of how to proceed going forward.

  14. Avatar

    Paulina

    May 15, 2019 at 9:39 am

    Hi Chris,

    I need your help. Because I’am so frustrated and don’t know what to do.
    So there is a guy I was dating for 6 months. He seemd to be really into me. In the beginning after about 1,5 month he invited me to his home, there I met his parents. That was just one time. He also met my parents and my friends. It seemd that everything was going in the right direction. In december I went on for two weeks and we texted every day. I came back around 0.00 a clock and an houd later he was there at my door to see me. Everything was going well. We were spending time together and then in may I went to see my family in Poland for two weeks again. Before that we saw each other and said that it will be over soon and we will see each other again. Before I left we even talked about him going with me to Poland in the summer. The first week when i was gone everything was oke we were texting like always. But the next week he started to ignore me all of the sudden. I got just one massage a day or just nothing. I thought that mabye he had a bad week at work and just needed some space. When I was on my way home I texted him to ask how he was doing and if he was busy. I said that I’am on my way home. Then i got the tekst back that he is oke and that he was very busy. He didn’t say anyting about me coming home. Then I said that I would like to see him because I’ve missed him. I didn’t get an answer to this. That was on saturday. Then the next text I had from him was. On Tuseday that was a tekst on snapchat it said Hi, sorry For my late responce. How was your weekend? I ‘am not feeling so good. I texted him back, but he didn’t even opend the message to see what i said back. I didn’t text anything more because I don’t want to chase him. But it is very hard and I don’t understand what happend. He is ignoring me for a week now. Did he even care about me? Can I have a hope or should I just forget him?

    I really hope to hear from you, please help!

    Paulina

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 16, 2019 at 3:20 am

      Hi Paulina…its usually best to have a solid ex recovery plan to help you throughout the process. My website is a goldmine of tools and resources so feel free to tap into that. Take some time and space for yourself is most important now.

  15. Avatar

    Bonnie

    May 14, 2019 at 5:48 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I broke up and I found out 2 weeks later that I am pregnant. I told him and he said he cannot be with me, then I asked if he will be there for the child, he said he will share the responsibility and that was it, he has not reached out since then. I still have deep feelings for him and want a family with him. What is my chance of getting back with him? What would you advise?

  16. Avatar

    Zita

    May 13, 2019 at 12:21 pm

    Hi Chris, My Ex boyfriend and I broke up so we both did the no contact until my birthday he decided to wish me happy birthday and called me the name he used to call me when we were dating. I taught everything was okay and confessed my love to him and he was like “ the fact I wished you happy birthday doesn’t mean we are back together “. I still went ahead and told him how I love him and I am willing to change and it’s been a week and he hasn’t reply. My question is, how do I take back control and make him chase me and his birthday is this Friday should I wish him happy birthday? .
    Thank you.

  17. Avatar

    Kat

    May 12, 2019 at 2:56 am

    Hi Chris,
    Firstly I want to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time to write all these articles.

    My partner of nearly 2 years came into my room after a rough evening out and told me that things weren’t working and he needed some space.
    What hasn’t been working is our different communication styles, we tend to fall short on each other often and have challenges understanding the others perspective and that leads to use getting caught in our own heads and in the end one of us compromises our comfort.

    I deal with various mental health challenges, one being dissociation disorder. Meaning when things get overwhelming I shut down and become mental and physically unresponsive. This has taken a toll on him.

    I have asked that we go to counselling in the past, but this wasn’t something he was open to. I found myself nitpicking at him, calling him out, and telling him that I felt he wasn’t considering my needs, when reality is we were missing each others needs.

    Overall though, I love this human very deeply, they have been there through sooo much hardship, they have been a rock and supporter. since knowing them my spells are shorter and less frequent.

    I greatly hope that I haven’t messed our chances given that I got upset when he told me, and i pushed him, which usually he doesn’t budge, but he fell off the bed. this is the only altercation like this we have ever had..

    After they left… which was around midnight.. I called them, told them to hang up so I could leave a message to apologize for pushing him and tell him how I felt, then called them again because i ran out of voicemail room begged them not to go.

    he held firm to needing space. but I could message him on facebook if i wanted to.

    So the following day I did just that, messaged him on facebook. all. day. I think i tried to call him but he did not pick up. though he did respond to some facebook messages.

    Today, i messaged him, it was mostly unrelated to us, but casual enough aout an individual on the street, but soon morphed into time moves and how I miss him and hope to see him soon. then i sent him my favorite photos of him ( reading you clingy blog – yah , i know. yikes)

    Both days I have been reaching out to others aswell, trying to work through the emotions, but given that he was my to go about raw emotions for nearly two years I was struggling not talking to him about it. So I asked him if I could talk to him for just a minute, as a friend. He called.

    We spoke, I told him that I was really struggling because he was my support. and over these years his friend group had become my support too, but i didnt know if I could or should reach out to any of them because I dont want them in the middle, nor cause him discomfort.

    My mom came upstairs and I told her I was on the phone, and he suggested I talk to her ( which I did after the phone call ). I though tried to tread lightly the rest of the conversation, which lasted 45 minutes… I asked him not to give up on me. That I’ve put things into motion with my health (booked doctors appointments).

    The first day after the breakup he said he needed space and didnt see us being romantic because it’s just not working.

    today, he said he needs space and just doesn’t want me to get my hopes up.

    I told him I agree, I don’t have my hopes up (but i kind hope down the line..) and that I agree we do need space and I really want to be able to do that.

    I told him I loved him and that I want to keep working on it because he did all this time with me ( i started off not wanted monogomy but he did, then I tried, freaked out, left, slept with someone, freaked out, we reconnected, I told him I wasn’t being emotionally met and that’s why I did what I did, and he wanted to work on it, so did I) though it seemed whatever we tried our pickups kept happening, but I don’t think as much or as bad, but because they were happening at all, he feels it wasn’t getting better.

    On the first day of the breakup I asked him if he would accept a letter, he said of course.

    today, after the phone call (to which I have not reached out to him since, and that was 7 hours ago) I wrote a letter. a letter stating how I felt and how I understand we need space, and that I love and care and respect him. it’s not too long, maybe a third of a page.

    His birthday is coming up, and I thought I would spend it to him after so he can go about his week and I will be in no contact, but to then send the letter reaffirming the actions, but thinking to still not be in contact for awhile.

    I want this human in my life so bad. not because I don’t want to be alone, but because he lights me up. I’m brighter, determined and hopeful. He’s musical and so loving and supportive. has soo much compassion and we’ve gone through so much together, and I really want to continue to grow, learn and live with this human. for a long long time. He’s one of a kind.

    I’m not sure If I am looking for advice, hope, or just telling my story while it is raw and fresh for me.. but, your blogs have been helpful, and the images you through in… REALLY lighten the whole process.
    so thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2019 at 3:45 pm

      Hi Kat…..thanks for you appreciation of the articles I write to help folks. So I do think giving each other some space and time will be positive. It can take a while for emotions to get settled and for perspective to return and appreciation of each other to be fully realized. So take a look my Program (EBR Pro Bundle) as it designed to help you during the No Contact period or even if your are just taking a brief break from each other. The key things is your own healing and recovery. That comes first. Just think in terms of little steps – not rushing through this process as we can easily become overly emotional and stumble along the way.

  18. Avatar

    Artsychick

    May 8, 2019 at 7:14 am

    Hey Chris! So the dude I have had a huge crush on has been breadcrumbing me so I did No Contact and he reached out to me. When I tried to keep the texts going with tide theory he seemed annoyed of me so I did a mini NC and during that he has been reaching out to me by commenting on my Instagram and I ignored it and stayed in a mini NC. What should I do now? Do I have to do another reach out interesting text?

  19. Avatar

    Nikki

    May 6, 2019 at 12:34 am

    Hi Chris!

    My ex and I were together for a few months and broke up because of external stress and because of my short temper. We were civil at first and he always went to me to help whenever I would get a panic attack. But he cut me off a few weeks ago saying he’s tired. What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2019 at 3:58 am

      It sounds like to me Nikki that you ought to consider employing No Contact but better yet, take a look at the entirety of my Program so you can take a deeper dive into how to proceed going forward.

  20. Avatar

    Patrick

    April 29, 2019 at 1:19 pm

    Hi Chris, I broke up with my ex girlfriend of 2 years a month ago after a huge fight… We go to the same college together… she told she needed tym to heal because I was to needy… ND I believe she lost attraction but said she loved me… She then found someone a week after our break up… Since our break up I have started no contact rule it’s been two months now and she contacted me asking why she hasn’t seen me at school… She caught me off guard I replied I do come to sxul ND cutted the conversation short told her my battery is dying….. I don’t know what to do… Any advice?

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