Giving your ex the cold shoulder is a great way to get his attention, but it’s not always easy, so today we’re going to talk about how to show your ex you don’t care anymore when you really still do.
First off, let’s talk about why you need to show that you don’t care about getting your ex back if you want to get them back.
For the last 3 weeks, I’ve been sharing a lot about success stories of people who have gone through our program and won their exes back.
The point of all my interviews with these success stories is to get to the bottom of what actually works to re-establish a connection or a relationship.
After interviewing hundreds of success stories, there’s one specific pattern that emerges before someone gets their ex back:
Getting to a place emotionally where you truly don’t care if you get your ex back.
This rings true for a lot of people, so I was curious to see if it was something they could fake.
I always ask success stories the same thing:
Can you pretend that all of a sudden, you don’t care?
Usually, the answers go something like this… it’s something you can pretend at first, but that’s just to build momentum until you actually obtain the real mindset.
This “mindset” of not truly caring about what your ex is doing or whether he’ll come back is exactly what I advise each of my clients to work towards.
Most of the time, when people focus on getting their ex back, you’ll hear about strategies like the no-contact rule.
We are firm believers in the no-contact rule, and it’s definitely a pattern most of our success stories use, but there’s a lot more to the process than just ignoring your ex for 21 or 45 days…
People Going Through Breakups Have The Wrong Mindset
I estimate that about 90% of people who go through our program have the wrong mindset, and if they don’t change that mindset, they’re probably not going to get their ex back.
That mindset is what I call tunnel vision.
People with tunnel vision focus so much on what their ex is saying or doing that they have a hard time seeing anything else.
They’ll obsess over their exes schedules or linger over every word he says (or doesn’t say!), and that’s not a healthy way to live.
Having tunnel vision is basically like being a slave to your ex’s emotions and actions, so let’s play a quick scenario game to see if you’re experiencing this.
Nod if either of the two following situations sounds familiar:
Situation # 1.
You’re very excited to talk to your ex after the breakup because you’ve decided to get them back.
You reach out to them with a carefully thought-out message.
You’ve read the message past your best friends, our private Facebook group, other experts, and even your mom and dad. You’ve put SO much planning and energy into this text message that there’s no way it’ll go south.
So, you send the text and… *crickets*… Nothing happens.
You think it’s still pretty early, but as the hours tick by, you start to get more and more agitated. Next thing you know, 24 hours have passed, and your ex still hasn’t responded. You slip into a depressive state because your ex doesn’t want to talk to you.
Situation # 2.
You take that same exact scenario where you’re excited to talk to your ex, you send him the perfect text message, but this time he actually responds.
You start jumping with excitement and think to yourself, “I really have a chance. I can’t believe this is working!”
Both these situations are unhealthy and indicate that you have tunnel vision. Why?
Well, you care too much if your ex responds or not.
Generally, someone who’s attained the peace of not caring about their ex will not be confined to the extreme emotional limits and ups and downs that come with anticipating their ex’s replies.
To successful people, their ex is only a part of their world as opposed to being the only thing that matters in their world.
How Do You Obtain That Mindset?
My initial reaction to obtaining that reaction would usually be along the lines of gaining confidence in yourself.
Don’t get me wrong; I still firmly believe in self-confidence as the key to success in the no contact rule, and I have several blog posts and YouTube videos you can refer to for how to build your confidence.
Today’s not about having confidence though, because confidence alone isn’t what you need. If you’re too stuck in your tunnel vision, you need to focus on your magnum opus.
Focus On Your Magnum Opus
Magnum opus is a Latin term described as someone’s greatest life achievements.
A magnum opus Is usually the highest intersection of talent, skill, and hard work.
Every day you focus on your ex and only your ex, you lose time that you could be spending focusing on your magnum opus.
Why is this important, and why am I talking about this instead of not caring about your ex?
Well, it’s because people who care too much about their ex fail to see their life as being more than just their ex.
They’re so focused on getting their ex back that they make their whole lives revolve around that fact when their whole life should be working on what they want to be remembered by.
The cool aspect of a magnum opus is that it depends on an individual’s internal passions and what they’re good at.
So, for example, JK Rowling’s magnum opus as a writer is the Harry Potter series, while the Mona Lisa is Da Vinci’s magnum opus as a painter.
What are YOUR passions?
What could your magnum opus be?
The no contact period is the best time to self-reflect and focus on your talents, but people forget that.
I deal with people going through breakups all day every day, and they only talk about problems with their ex and why they’re so upset and how they’re slipping into these dark places.
Instead, they should be focusing on everything else other than their ex.
If you want your ex (or other people) to be drawn to you, you need to look at your life as more than one relationship with one person. That may be hard to do when you haven’t imagined your life without this one person, but that’s exactly what you must do.
Whether you like it or not, we come into this world alone, and we are going to leave this world alone.
No matter how much you love your ex, you guys are not going to leave this earth at the same moment.
Do you just want to be remembered as an extension of someone as their wife or husband?
Probably not because you want to be remembered for who you were as a person and what you did.
I don’t blame people for not focusing on their magnum opus because our society just doesn’t train us that way.
How many people do you know that are stuck in jobs they can’t stand but have to deal with anyway?
Probably more than half the world’s population feels this way. But that doesn’t mean they can’t still work on their magnum opus – it just means they’re having trouble stepping out of that negative mindset.
I truly believe that every human being has incredible potential.
There is so much more to you than this relationship with your ex.
The more you focus on your life’s work and what you want to be remembered by, the more likely you are to show your ex that you don’t care that much about him anymore.
Counterintuitively, that’s what makes them more attracted to you.
I’m not making this up. If you don’t believe me, go watch some of my latest success stories.
I interview women in detail about this concept and their mindset of having to hit rock bottom before they genuinely stop caring about getting their ex back.
They start focusing on their magnum opus, and their ex gravitates towards them automatically.
If you’re not doing this, I can’t help you get your ex back no matter how strategic you are. Strategy only takes you so far because a massive part of this process is rediscovering who YOU are and what your interests are outside of your ex.
The sooner you focus on your magnum opus and your life’s work, the better off you are.
To show your ex you don’t care you need to redirect all your focus and dedication to something else that matters to you – your magnum opus.
Do what you want to be remembered by because it’s the only thing that makes the biggest difference in how your ex sees you.
Your renewed drive for your life’s purpose and passion will attract your ex and make them realize there’s something new about you that they want to see more of.