Today we hear from a woman named Elizabeth who finds herself in the situation that we probably have the most experience with here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, a general breakup.
Now, what do you think I mean when I say “general breakups?”
Truthfully, it’s a breakup where no other crazy circumstances caused it.
- There is no long distance..
- There is no cheating…
- There are no other people involved…
This is just a good old fashioned breakup.
Alright, enough rambling.
Let’s talk about Elizabeth’s situation,
- She is from Houston
- Her ex and his family came to watch her graduate
- He broke up with her out of the blue
- He said he wasn’t the guy to make her happy anymore
- She is doing the no contact rule
- She wonders if this is a lost cause
What I Talk About In This Episode
- What men really mean when they say “I’m not the one to make you happy anymore.”
- The New Version Of Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO
- The New Search Function Coming To The Website
- Date Ideas
- The Value Chain
- Puzzle Theory
- And Much More…
Ex Boyfriend Recoveries Basic Strategy
Welcome to the ex boyfriend recovery podcast, where we help you get your ex back and have the fairy tale ending you deserve. And now your host, he’s been dubbed as the ex whisperer, Chris Seiter!
Hello and welcome to another episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast. This week we’d be going back to our normal format which is basically filling questions from viewers and then answering those questions and I’ve got something exciting from lined up today from a woman named Elizabeth but I”m going to get to her in a second. First, let me give you a quick update on what’s going on around the website. We’ve been working really hard on a couple of aspects around the website. First things first, we are working on redesigning the website to make it even better and we are working on implementing a search function. So basically when you come to the website, you’re going to be prompted–whenever you want to of course but you have the opportunity to search the website for content specifically relating to your situation.
Now, why is this important? Well, the number 1 complaint that I get with the current design of the website befalls around, “Hey! It’s really hard to find the content that matches to my situation.” So, this is kind of the way of remedy-ing that and I”m really excited about the search function because it’s not going to be kind of one of those–it’s going to be a very advanced type of search function. It’s going to scan all of the content to find the exact keywords that you’re looking for. So, it’s going to find content that matches up to your situation but here’s the coolest part: It’s going to save all the searches I ever get. So, if I start seeing some trends, like some people searching for a situation that I’ve never written about before, it’s going to save all that and I’ll have it there and I’ll know, “Ok, I need to write this article for this people because a lot of people are searching for this and I don’t have any article that covers that.” So, we’re working on redesigning the website. Adding that search function, we’re going to make it a lot more visual and a lot easier to read. Our goal is to simplify things so there’s not so much going on and it doesn’t seem spammy because I know sometimes our website can seem a little spammy with some of the prompts to buy the products or sign up for the quiz or something.
In addition to that, I”m coming up with more quizzes but kind of the really big thing that I’ve been working on for about two months now is, I’ve finally finished ex boyfriend recovery pro. Yes, I’ve finally finished re-writing it. It’s about 78,000 words which to put that into perspective, the very first Harry Potter book, I believe was only like 75-76,000 words. So, this thing is actually longer than the very first Harry Potter book ever written and I’m really excited to have it divided up into three parts but I don’t want to get too in depth on it because there’s a number of things that I still have to do. I still have to either hire a voice talent to do an audio version of the book or I’ve been also debating doing the audio myself so, I can maybe stop in the middle of the book and expand on things. So, the people who buy maybe the –opt the higher tier version of the book, including the audio will get something extra that the people who just bought the book itself won’t and I’m really, really pumped and excited that I got this thing done. For the longest time, I kind of felt bad that I was promoting a product that I didn’t think was the best I could do. Well, this is truly the best I could do and I’m confident in saying that I really have not seen anything out there that is as in as in depth and as all-encompassing as I made this. Stay tuned for that because hopefully in another month or so, everything will be completed and it will go live and I will make everyone aware of it. Let’s see what else has been going on.
Well, the house hunt, I don’t know if I told you guys. I think in the last episode I told you that we were working on securing a loan for the home. We are due to move in on June 24th. I’m very excited about that because I will get my own office and like I said, I’m kind of calling it ex recovery headquarters because that’s where it’s going to be. That’s where all the magic is going to happen. That’s where I’m going to get some peace and quiet to create more content and help more people and lately my wife and I have been kicking around the idea of the coaching again but more than that we’ve been kind of wanting to do some webinars where we do live seminars online that anyone can sign up for for free and ask their questions real time. So, if you’re listening to this podcast, I have a favour to ask you.
If this webinar idea sounds like something that you would be interested in, please let us know in the comments because I’m trying to gauge what you guys want and I know you guys want personal coaching. That’s kind of the number 1 thing that you’ve been wanting for a long time but unfortunately there’s only one of me to go around. So, I think the webinar maybe is the next best thing so to speak but that’s a little off into the future and let’s just get right down to it. Today we’re going to hear from Elizabeth.
My name is Elizabeth and my boyfriend of almost two years, out of the blue just broke up with me two days ago, a day after he and his family came down to see me graduate here in Houston. The word that he used, the phrase he used when he was breaking up with me was he didn’t feel that he was the guy to make happy anymore and of course, I don’t feel that way at all but that’s exactly how he felt and how he phrased why he was breaking up with me. I’ve read over a lot of your pages, like the no contact rule and just the ways to get him to miss me and ways to kind of rekindle our relationship, — just should I be concerned that he said he doesn’t feel that he’s the guy for me to make me happy because I still– I love him dearly and I’m giving him time and space to think things through but is this a lost cause? Please let me know. This guy means the world to me.
Thank you for your time. Bye.
Well, thank you for having the courage to ask your question. I know lately a lot of women are almost on the verge of tears when they ask their questions. That always hurts me a little bit because I don’t want them to be feeling that way and there’s no reason for them to be feeling that way. Now, kind of as an interesting side note. When I pick people to feature on the podcast, the number 1 thing that I always look for is something that interests me. So, it can’t be a situation that I’ve already covered and if it is a situation that I’ve already covered, there has to be some sort of interesting aspect to it and believe it or not, this is going to sound maybe like a little–like I’m playing favourites here but the interesting aspect of Elizabeth’s situation was the fact that she said that she was Houston.
Now, growing up, I am actually from Houston. So, I know the area very well. I grew up in a town called Friendswood which is about 20 or 30 minutes outside of Houston but I was in Houston a lot. We went to the Houston Astro’s game, the Houston Texan’s games and there was– back when they had Astro world in Houston. They tore it down unfortunately but it was like this huge Six Flags Theme Park which was really fun and exciting. So, believe it or not, I know that sounds a little bit corny but that was kind of what I was able to connect with Elizabeth on and also made me want to help her more. Even though she has a situation that I feel like maybe I’ve already covered before but I think there is some interesting aspects to it that when I took my notes for her situation, there’s a few highlighted areas that I think I’ve never talked about before. So, for those of you who maybe heard a similar situation, there is going to be kind of a new twist that I talk about here. So, let’s get right down to it.
The basic situation that Elizabeth has fallen under is what I like to call a general breakup. She was dating her ex for two years. It’s interesting he broke up with her one day after he and his family came to see her graduate. His reasoning was he didn’t feel like he was the guy to make her happy anymore. She wonders if she should be concerned that he said that and obviously her last question was, is this a lost cause? Ok, wow. A lot to cover here.
So, the first thing I want to talk about is the fact that this is a general break up. It doesn’t seem like there’s any cheating involved. To my knowledge and to my Elizabeth’s knowledge, there’s no other girl involved so, it’s not like he moved on to someone else. It’s really just a basic breakup and I can’t help but notice that the timing is very suspect and I’m not saying that this is what’s happening Elizabeth but it’s something that you maybe want to consider. I’m just kind of like a devil’s advocate for you here. He broke up with you one day after he and his family came to see you graduate. Now that’s interesting to me. The fact that not only did he come to see you graduate but his family came. So, that tells me that you maybe were deeply embedded into his life to the point where his family knew you and his family liked you to the point where they were willing to show up for your own graduation. Now, I can’t help but notice the timing is suspect. One day after this big event happens in your life where you graduate. Now, I don’t know but I’m assuming you’re in high school, where you graduate from high school and you’re going to go to college, he breaks up with you. Now, why is that?
Now, I think it could be the fact that, maybe the fact that you graduated means that you are going to go on to college and maybe go out of state or go somewhere far away and he doesn’t want to deal with a relationship, a long distance relationship and personally speaking, I’ve been in one and I don’t recommend them. They are very difficult not seeing the other person and they require a lot of extra effort. There’s a lot of obstacles that every couple who is in a long distance relationship needs to overcome. So, I can’t help but notice the timing is suspect. So, I remember a story back when I was in high school and now, we’re talking maybe 8 years ago now.
Wow, 8 years but yeah, I was a senior in high school probably much like you Elizabeth, even though you just graduated but I was a senior in high school and my best friend West, he was dating this girl named Mariah and he was very, very interested in continuing his relationship with her and Mariah had a friend and her friend recommended to her to break up with West because he would be “a home buddy” because Mariah was also graduating and she was going to go away out of state and a home buddy I guess means someone who keeps you attached to home and you’re not allowed to be single because you’re in a long distance relationship and I don’t know.
The whole thing kind of spun out of control because obviously he was very angry with this friend for recommending that to Mariah. They ended up staying together. That’s a kind of an interesting note and I just want to say Elizabeth that it could be a situation like that happening where maybe one of his friends is in ear telling him, “Hey, you don’t want to be with her. She’s’ going to be leaving soon or you are going to be leaving soon.” It could be his family, who knows? But I think maybe a potential reason that he broke up with you is because he doesn’t want to get tied down if he can’t see you in person. He doesn’t want to enter into that long distance relationship. So, that could be a potential reason but I want to turn my attention to what he said. His reasoning for the breakup was, “I don’t feel like I’m the guy that make you happy anymore.”
Now, what does he mean by this? Does he actually mean it? Well, all I could do is bring my own personal experience and my own personal opinion when telling people what to do or telling people–or advising people on their exes or what their ex’s are thinking. So, when I look at this situation, specifically if I was to put myself in your ex’s shoes and if I were to say something like that to me, I will not really mean it. I personally believe that your ex is lying to you. Why do I say that? Well, I’m selfish Ok? I’m not going to go into a relationship and just want the other person to be happy completely. I want to be happy as well and I found that this is the case with most people walking this earth. So, what I also know to be fact is the fact that people hate confrontations, specifically exes. They hate confronting each other. Specifically when they had to deliver heart breaking news like a break up. So, what do they do? Specifically men here, what do men do sometimes? They lie about their reasoning for the break up.
I already talked about a potential reasoning being the fact that you’re graduating. Maybe he’s graduating too and you’re maybe going your separate ways. You’re going different colleges, maybe that’s a potential reason that makes sense to me but rather than saying that to you and hurting your feelings and having you come back and say, “No, no we can make this works. You mean everything to me. Blah blah blah” He may be made up this reasoning that he wants you to be happy and he’s not the man to make you happy anymore. I think that could potentially be going on here where he is just trying to cover is own ass. So, he doesn’t hurt your feelings and personally speaking, I would only say that if I didn’t really mean it and if I was trying not to hurt the other person’s feelings because the real reason which is deeply rooted within myself for breaking up with you would be something completely different and you would not take it the right way.
So, I wouldn’t worry too much about what he says he doesn’t feel like he’s the guy to make you happy anymore. I don’t really buy into that whatsoever. Now, the other thing that I want to talk to you about Elizabeth is whether or not you want him back, this is a question that I post to all of my clients that I work with. Personally this is the question I post on the people that I try to help. Do you want him back? Because getting him back is very possible. In this circumstance I’ve seen it happen before. I’ve seen successes in situations that were a lot worse than this one. So, being my question to you is do you want him back? If you want him back bad enough and you’re willing to put in the commitment, the time and the effort to get him back, I can help you raise your chances for sure. But the question you have to ask is, do you want him back? Because I hate to say it but he does have a point. If indeed he did break up with you because you’re going to be going to separate colleges and you’re going to be kind of separated by long distance, a lot of times when you’re young, it’s very hard to make this long distance relationships work. Why?
Because you need a couple of things to survive a long distance relationship. Money being one of them. I know it sounds very cliché or very shallow of me but you do need money. Sometimes you need money to travel to see the other person. You need money to stay overnight. You need money to buy a plane ticket again to travel. You need gas money to travel. You need money. You also need time and you need to have the other person on board and an overlying plan to make things work toward you’re not going to be long distance forever.
And sometimes for someone who’s really young who hasn’t experienced the world enough and who hasn’t experienced their fair share of relationships, they don’t know a good thing whey they have it and the only way for them to learn it is experience it themselves. So, mentally they’re just not ready or willing to enter into a long distance relationship. So, I would say, do you really have what it takes? If you really want him back, I can help you but you need to ask yourself a question if you want him back. Sometimes women get hurt and they come to the website and they want their exes back and thenthey try my tactics and strategies and everything and they come to the conclusion that, “You know what? I think I’m better off without hm.” And I think that’s great. I love it when it happens because in the end, I am not concerned with your ex. I am concerned with your wellbeing and I know that you want your ex back more than anything right now and I know even if I tell you don’t get him back, don’t get him back , don’t get him back, you’ll still try to get him back. So, rather than letting you go on and try to get him back the wrong way, I like to teach people to get their exes back the correct way but ask yourself that question.
Do you really want him back? If it’s yes then here is the strategy I would recommend if I was in your shoes.
So, when I look at your situation, in my opinion, falls into the general break up situation. And for a general break up situation, you really don’t have to do anything to reinvent the wheel. Just stick to the strategy that I teach on ex-boyfriend recovery and I talk a lot about this in my new book. Specifically about this idea of the value chain. About how you want to slowly move him up the value chain. You wouldn’t ask someone you met for the first time to marry you right? That’s just insane. Instead you’d build attraction, you’d build trust, you’d build rapport with them and then when the time is right you’re in love and you see a future together and then you ask him to marry you because, why? The chances of him saying yes are much higher.
Same principle here with asking an ex to be in a relationship again with you and ideally we’re trying to get him to ask you to be in a relationship with him again but the same principle applies. You don’t want to come out of the gates going from 0-60 miles per hour. You need to kind of slowly work up to it. That’s why I recommend the no contact rule and then after the no contact rule, you want to move up the value chain to texting and then from texting to phone calls and then from phone calls to in person dates but there’s a lot of, probably the most important aspect of this value chain is everything that goes in between that. I’m trying to explain how to properly do all of these things. Now, I don’t have enough time.
Quite frankly it took me 78,000 words to explain everything you needed to do. I can’t write another Harry Potter book novel or I can’t talk another Harry Potter book novel on a podcast. So, what I’d recommend instead is to visit the website, buy the book, do everything you can to learn about my strategy for getting an ex back because in my opinion and I know it’s a little bit biased but we’ve seen–the ex-recovery team and I have seen incredible results with this particular strategy.
Now, when it comes to Houston, like I said I have a Houston connection. I think you need to–when the time comes to where you’re going to see him in person, I recommend this method I like to call the three date method where you go on a small date first which is something like a date at Starbucks where it’s really short. It doesn’t seem like a date. It seems like just a hang out and then you go on a medium date which is longer but not as romantic, as finally the romantic date, the third date. Hence the three date method. When it comes to dating, I think there’s a number of things that you can do to spice things up because maybe the problem in your relationship was it got boring. I know you were dating for two years and though I’ve been married, I think for two years now and to me it doesn’t seem stale at all, I’m different than people. What I think isn’t stale maybe other people will think is stale. So, it’s just human beings as a whole. Their unique themselves and maybe he did think that your relationship was going a little stale.
Maybe it needs to be spiced up a bit. So, if I was you, I’d recommend going to exciting or new interesting places. I know the Rodeo comes to town in Houston a lot. Maybe go to the Rodeo. It’s a big thing for those of you who aren’t from Houston or for those of you who don’t know what the rodeo is, it’s basically like this cowboy’s haven where they ride bulls and horses and they have livestock and they have all this cool cowboy’s hats and stuff you can buy. Maybe take him there. Maybe go there with him. One of the places that I actually enjoy the most was The Kemah boardwalk. It’s this awesome boardwalk right on the water. There’s a Ferris wheel. It’s colourful. It’s awesome to go at night. I’d recommend that. Like going to an Astro’s game. That’s like perfect for a medium date. Astro’s games are really good because they’re not as loud as a football game. They’re not as loud as a basketball game. You can just kind of sit back in the chair and talk and build rapport while at the Astro’s game and who doesn’t like going to a baseball game with friends and potential girlfriends?
Another thing that I like to recommend to people is go to the beach. Galveston is a great place to go. If I was you, I would check out Galveston Elizabeth. Specifically they’ve got a Schlitterbahn there, which a Schlitterbahn, for those of you who don’t know what that is, is it’s basically a water park where you can go and they have like a lazy river. They’ve got a bunch of rides. Taking him there is a perfect for a– not romantic date or it’s a perfect medium date. Especially going there with friends. It’s the perfect group hangout. Besides if you read my strategy on the no contact rule, I’m a really big proponent of the health, wealth relationships. Trying to improve those aspects of your life when you’re in the middle of the no contact rule and specifically health. One of the things you can do is start working out and going to the beach and going to a water park like Schlitterbahn and Galveston is actually an awesome way to show off your body which you’ve been working on during the no contact rule. Since it is the summer there and I know it’s hot, you have this opportunities and I will definitely try to take advantage of them.
So, just to recap because I know I kind of went off on a tangent here, I’m specifically zoning in the in person interaction aspect of the value chain with you and don’t worry, I’m going to put a note here to create a graphic to explain this in the show notes of this episode but the basic strategy that I teach you in ex-boyfriend recovery for general breakups is you do a no contact rule something between 21 days and 30 days and then during that no contact rule, you are going to build rapport with your ex. Sorry, you’re going to work on yourself and ignore your ex. DO NOT build rapport with him. That’s actually the next aspect. Texting, that’s where you build rapport. You build attraction with him and when the time comes you advance text messaging up to phone calls where again you build rapport and attraction and then when the time comes, you utilize all that attraction you’ve built to secure an in person date and I recommend you go on three dates. The small date which is something like at Starbucks. The medium date which is something like going to the Kemah boardwalk, actually no–go into an Astro’s game, going to the beach, going to a water park and then finally go into a romantic date which would be The Kemah boardwalk where you could be in the water and it’s a romantic setting.
Those are the kind of things that I would recommend to do specifically in Houston Elizabeth but if you’re a native in Houston you probably know all this places and you’ve probably been to all this places. It’s just food for thought. You can obviously do whatever you want but that’s how I would approach it if I was in your situation. That’s going to do it for this episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast. If you have any questions please ask them in the comments section. If you have any feedback on that webinar idea I ran by you in the first half of this podcast, let me know in the comments section. It would be greatly, greatly appreciated. I’ll see you next week.
Thanks for listening to the ex boyfriend recovery podcast at www.exoyfriendrecovery.com