The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Long distance relationships are hard. Getting an ex back who you had a long distance relationship is even harder. Today, I am going to tackle this very complex subject and give you a set of actionable steps you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your relationship back. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning that this page is probably going to end up being the second longest in the history of this site. A lot of people have contacted me directly begging for a page like this so I took a lot of time to research and brainstorm a plan for getting an ex back in this specific circumstance.

Before I really get started I want to mention that while this guide is probably one of the most in-depth ones ever created about long distance relationships it pails in comparison to the training I put together for you below.

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February 1, 2017

1 - What Are Long Distance Relationships?

long distance relationship

What a stupid question right? I mean, you don’t really need to know what a LDR (long distance relationship) is right?

WRONG!

In this section we are going to define long distance relationships and talk about the different kinds of LDR’s that exist in today’s society.

Long Distance Relationships- A specific type of relationship where the couple is separated by a considerable amount of distance.

The keyword in that definition is “considerable.” You might be shocked to learn that a lot of people who I have communicated with as a result of this site think they are in a LDR because they live an hour away from their partner. That is simply not true. In my mind, a true long distance relationship is one where you are separated by states, countries or even oceans. That is where the word “considerable” comes into play. A considerable amount of distance to me has to be a minimum of 500 miles.

Now, lets talk a little about the different kinds of long distance relationships that currently exist.

The Marriage LDR

This is always a tough one to deal with. In this long distance relationship the couple in question is married. Perhaps at one time they even lived together. However, a certain set of circumstances have caused one of them to relocate (a considerable amount of distance away.) Now, since this page is dealing specifically with ex boyfriends don’t let that fool you, this page can work for married couples who have broken up as well.

The Move Away LDR

This is another one of those stories I hear way too often when it comes to long distance relationships. Here is how this one works. Basically, a couple is dating and doing fine. However, after time one of the couple members are presented with an opportunity that causes them to move away for a considerable distance (or in some cases they are forced to.) If you and your ex are in a situation like this then this page can work for you.

The “Few Months” LDR

Believe it or not but I have actually dealt with a lot of women in this exact predicament. How this type of long distance relationship works is pretty simple. A couple is dating and due to a certain set of circumstances one of them has to relocate (very similarly to the marriage LDR above.) Of course, there is one BIG difference. Instead of relocating indefinitely the person that relocated is only going to be gone for a few months. If you and your boyfriend have broken up and have a very similar story to the “few months” LDR then this page can definitely work for you. However, you might also want to check this page out too.

The Internet To Person LDR

This is an interesting type of relationship. Initially, you met your (now ex boyfriend) online and that led to you meeting in person. The thing is though, when you met online you were separated by a considerable amount of distance and even today you are separated by a considerable amount of distance. If this sounds like your situation then this page can pretty much help you out a lot!

The Strictly Internet LDR

This is the ONE type of long distance relationship that this page can not help you on. In this type of relationship the two of you have never met on person, you have only ever met online. The reason why this type of a relationship won’t work for this page is because I personally don’t consider it a relationship. I mean, come on, you have never even met your so called significant other in person.

2 - What It Takes To Have A Successful Long Distance Relationship

successful LDR

You failed..

That’s why your here right? I’ll admit, long distance relationships are hard. In fact, I find them so hard that I don’t personally think I can enter one. Well, I suppose I should never say never but I am generally not a fan of them for one specific reason. If I am dating someone I want to be able to see them IN PERSON. However, a lot of people aren’t like me when it comes to long distance relationships. In fact, some people can thrive on them. One of my best friends dated his girlfriend (long distance) for two years and they are still together today. So, it is possible to have a happy ending.

Anyways, back to the point. If you are here it is most likely because you and your ex had a long distance relationship but you are now broken up. Whatever the reasons may be for the breakup the two of you are not together anymore. That means you couldn’t make the long distance relationship work.

Look, no one is blaming you. I just stated above I couldn’t do it so my hats off to you for even trying. Nevertheless, you are here because you want your ex back and you are willing to do whatever it takes. I thought it might be a good idea to figure out what makes a successful long distance relationship so you know what you need to do the second time around (assuming you are able to get your boyfriend back.) So, I did a lot of research and came up with the following qualities that are constant among successful LDR’s.

(For more in-depth information on getting a long distance ex boyfriend back please visit this page.)

Doing Things Together Over The Phone

One of my best memories in high school is talking on the phone with girls. You see, when I went to high school texting hadn’t become as big as it is now. Add in the fact that I didn’t even have text messaging and you are left with someone who actually had to go “old school” and call girls for dates. I remember staying up so late at night and literally talking until a girl would fall asleep on the phone with me.

Every successful long distance relationship has this type of element to it. A tireless ability to talk on the phone for hours. Of course, couples in long distance relationships take things a step further by actually doing things together on the phone. Common examples include:

  • Watching a favorite television show together. (Netflix is great for this 😉 )
  • Cooking together on the phone.
  • Playing a board game together.

Communicating On A Daily Basis, NO MATTER WHAT!

Another quality that successful LDR couples have is that they talk every single day. Now, there is a difference between stalking and communicating. Unsuccessful LDR’s usually have one couple member constantly freaking out over what the other one is doing. There has to be some trust involved or else your whole relationship will fall apart.

Technological Face Time

We live in a world of electronics and smart phones. I mean, for god sakes there is an entire section of this website dedicated solely to texting. For a couple separated by distance it is imperative that you take advantage of such electronic inventions.

We have already established that successful couples are always communicating with each other via a phone. Ah, but there is a problem with a phone. While you can hear the person talking on it, it is impossible to see their face. Well, with inventions like Skype or “FaceTime” this is no longer a problem. You can communicate with someone face to face over the phone.

Actually, the first time I heard about Skype was from a buddy of mine who was dating a girl that had left for college across the country. I remember him telling me that they skyped every single day and it had helped a lot to maintain the closeness that both of them were so vigorously craving.

ACTUAL Face Time

While things like Skype and FaceTime are fantastic tools for maintaining a technological closeness with your significant other nothing can beat actually seeing them in person. The feelings you feel, the ability to actually hold someone in your arms and do “other” things is part of the total package when you see someone in person. I don’t care what you say, in my mind nothing beats seeing someone you care about in person.

Every and I mean EVERY long distance relationship that has stood the test of time has a member taking time out of his/her schedule to see the other member in person. Now, that also presents us with an interesting problem…

You Have To Have Money (or EXTREME Budgeting Skills)

This point kind of goes hand in hand with the one above, in order to see your significant other someone in the relationship has to be willing to shell out the $’s. I can’t tell you how many women I have communicated with on this site whose LDR failed because someone wasn’t willing to fork over the money when the break came in schedules to see each other.

No relationship can survive if the two people never see each other. Speaking of things that relationships can’t survive without…

Phone Sex

This may be a little controversial but this is my firm belief, no relationship can survive without sex.

So, that leaves you in a really bad spot when you first embark on a long distance relationship. I mean, what are you supposed to do?

Enter phone sex!

My friend (who I have mentioned a couple of times already on this page already) is one of the few people I know who has made a long distance relationship work. Let me give you his statistics. He has been dating his girlfriend for about five years (two of which were long distance.) When I asked him how he did it, how he could bear being away from his girlfriend that long he muttered two simple words.

“phone sex”

He told me that without phone sex he would have broken up with her. I have no statistics to back up the claim I am about to make but I think women can go without sex longer than men can. A point will eventually come where men, who have been on a “dry spell,” will start to wander else where. So, in order to combat a mans wandering eyes you have to actually schedule “phone sex sessions.”

3 - Is It Even In Your Character To Do A LDR?

LDR meme

In the section above I described some of the characteristics/ things that all successful long distance relationships have. Now, lets not get in over our heads here, LDR’s are very hard. I am not going to lie to you, most long distance relationships I have dealt with fall apart because they require an extreme amount of patience and dedication.

I wanted to put this section on this page for one simple reason, I want YOU to know if you are cut out for a long distance relationship. There are certain people that just can’t do it. It isn’t in their character to do it. If you are one of those people don’t feel too bad. At least you have learned something about yourself.

Lets start with the type of women that ARE cut out for LDR’s.

Types Of Women Who Are Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You enjoy talking on your phone.
  • You don’t mind talking on your phone in public.
  • You have experience emailing, texting and calling on the phone multiple times a day.
  • You don’t mind going to new place and having experiences
  • You are a patient person.
  • You DON’T have any kids.
  • You are a phone sex goddess.

Ok, now that we have the “good qualities” for LDR’s out of the way lets focus on people who aren’t cut out for it.

Types Of Women Who Are NOT Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You hate talking on the phone.
  • You are not a constant emailer or texter.
  • You are very impulsive.
  • You are not patient.
  • You are not a fan of traveling.
  • When you talk you use a lot of body language to get your points across.
  • Deep down you aren’t willing to put in the work a LDR requires.

What I am about to say is really important so I want to make sure that you are listening because I am about to give you the key to knowing if a LDR with your ex boyfriend could possibly work if you get back together. Take a look at the two lists I created above. Essentially I gave you the qualities that you need to have in order to be willing to have a LDR. In addition, I gave you the qualities that you can’t have if you are going to do a LDR.

Now, I know you read those lists and immediately thought to yourself:

“I have ALL of the good qualities.”

Well, that is really great and all but you are only HALF the equation. In case I missed something I think that a relationship involves two people. When it comes to long distance relationships your man has to have the “good” qualities I listed above for you to have a shot at making this work. I want you to think really hard and figure out if you think HE has what it takes to make a LDR work.

4 - The Headwind You Have To Face In A LDR

Long-Distance-Relationship2

While you are figuring out that little nugget of knowledge I gave you in the section above lets talk about some of the things you have working against you in a long distance relationship. You see, in order to get your ex boyfriend back if there is a considerable amount of distance separating you right now it is important to discuss all of the things that you have to overcome.

Just a word of warning, this section may be a little depressing. Don’t get too down though because I am going to give you the tools to combat all of this headwind later in this article. For now though, lets talk negatives.

Headwind #1- You Can’t Talk To Your Significant Other In Person

A normal relationship usually goes something like this:

Billy and Sally love each other. They live about 30 minutes from one another but spend time every single day together. They text, call and do all the things that are supposed to happen in a normal relationship

A long distance relationship probably goes like this:

George and Jeanie love each other. They are separated by two states. They do their best to call each other every day but their schedules are so busy that they sometimes forget to. The distance causes problems mostly because they haven’t seen each other in person in two months.

Make no mistake about it, being able to see someone you care about in person is a distinct advantage that regular relationships have over long distance ones.

Headwind #2- Touch and “Other Things ;)”

No hugging..

No kissing…

No holding hands…

NO SEX…

When I date someone I expect to do all of the above. Of course, I am a guy so being able to “touch” a woman is high up there on my list. What it all boils down to is that when you are physical with someone it provides a sense of security and togetherness that you just can’t make up over long distance. No doubt about it this is some serious headwind that you are going to have to figure out a way to overcome.

Headwind #3- No More Dates 🙁

I like dates!

I like the nervous feeling I get before I take a girl out for the first time. I like it all and I am not alone in this. While some guys will say they hate dating I think most of us enjoy them a lot more than we let on. When you are in a long distance relationship there are no more dates. Sure, maybe once a month one of you comes to see the other person. However, I am talking about the every week dates that happen when you are dating someone. In a LDR that just isn’t possible and as a result you are missing out on important bonding time that could further cement your relationship.

Headwind #5- Missing Out On Birthdays Or Other Special Occasions

Tell me if this story sounds familiar.

Billy and Sally are in a long distance relationship. For three straight months they have been an unbearable distance away from each other. Sally is having a birthday that Billy desperately wants to attend… only he can’t because of the distance.

Another negative of LDR’s is that you cannot attend your significant others birthday in person. Sure, you may give him a call but ultimately you can’t be there in person. Oh, but I am not only talking about birthdays here. Lets say that one person gets sick and you aren’t able to be there for them. What if a pet gets hurt, a child’s first step or word? These are all very important bonding moments in a relationships life and you could be missing out on them.

Headwind #6- The Commute

Lets fast forward for a minute and pretend that you and your ex boyfriend got back together. You implemented the steps on this page and are reunited ;). Well, in order to keep your relationship alive you have agreed that you will commute to see each other more in person. There is just one problem, you are having trouble agreeing on who should commute to who. If handled incorrectly this negotiation (for the commuted) could cause a strain in your relationship.

Headwind #7- Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

I saved this one for last for a reason, because it is the number one killer of long distance relationships.

Women tend to cheat for emotional reasons. Mostly because men aren’t giving them what they need emotionally.

Men on the other hand cheat because they get horny. I know it is a sad thing to hear but it is true. If a man is in a committed LDR there are going to be certain “dry spells” where he won’t be getting any. These dry spells will make that man horny and he will be more likely to cheat because of that.

Adding insult to injury, it is likely you won’t have any clue because the two of you are separated by so much distance.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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5 - What To Do After A LDR Breakup

crazy breakup girl

So, you and your ex broke up… now what?

You clearly want him back but are completely unsure on how to approach things because there is a great distance separating you. Not to mention all of the headwind I talked about above..

So, what are you supposed to do?

In my experience there are really only two ways things can go now.

  1. You can beg to be taken back essentially turning into a text or phone gnat (annoying your ex.)
  2. You can implement a no contact rule and work on evolving while the dust settles from the breakup fallout.

Option two please!

The No Contact Rule

A lot of people ask me “will the no contact rule work if I was in a long distance relationship?”

You bet your butt it will. Admittedly, it will be more effective if you and your ex were used to talking to each other every single day. However, even if that wasn’t the case I would still recommend doing the no contact rule. Now, before I get into the nitty gritty lets talk a little about what the NC rule is.

The No Contact Rule A set period of time where you will not text, call, email, facebook, google plus, snap chat, skype or talk to your ex in any way shape or form.

In your case I am going to recommend that you do a NC rule for 30 days. That means that you have to stay in NC for an entire month without any slip ups. If you do slip up and talk to your ex then you are going to have to start over from day 1 again.

Why The NC Rule Works

I received an interesting email yesterday. One of my visitors was reading through the site and found solace in a paragraph on one of the pages. The paragraph was all about the guys perspective during the NC rule. Essentially describing why the NC rule can be so effective.

Since that person emailed me wanting to know more about the guys perspective during the NC rule I figured everyone would so I wanted to put this section in.

IF the no contact rule is implemented correctly and works here is what will happen in a guys mind:

Day 1: “I bet she is the one who breaks first and contacts me.”

Day 2: “Yea, she will definitely be the one who reaches out first.”

Day 3: “Why isn’t she reaching out?”

Day 6: “WTF is going on?? She was supposed to talk to me by now.”

Day 10: Your ex boyfriend will send out a text message checking up on you. Of course, you won’t respond to it.

Day 11: “Ok, now I am mad.. I can’t believe she ignored my text.”

Day 12: He will call you, which you will of course ignore.

Day 13: “That B&*ch, how could she do this?”

Day 15: “I totally hate her..”

Day 25: He will send out another text which you will ignore again.

Day 26: “That is it.. she is the scum of the earth…”

Day 30: You send out your first text to him and he literally runs around like a little girl filled with excitement.

6 - What You Do During The NC Rule Is The Most Important Thing

funny bench

This is where a lot of people who come to this site fail. They think if they try out a 30 day no contact rule that all of their problems are over. After the thirty days their ex will just come running back into their arms. Sorry Charlie but it doesn’t work that way. While a part of the NC rule is for your ex a big part of it is for you.

What you do during the 30 days is essential to getting your ex back. Remember, this isn’t a vacation and if you want him back you have to be willing to put int the work. Now, people in long distance relationships have a pretty good advantage over normal relationships when it comes to this section.

Usually, with a normal relationship I recommend that women evolve during the 30 days into basically the hottest version of themselves that ever existed. That means, women in normal relationships have 30 days before they potentially could see their ex in person. While a lot can happen over the month I am not entirely sold on a life changing transformation happening in that amount of time. Where you have the advantage is the fact that it could be months before you even get to see your ex. While you may look at that fact and frown I tend to take the opposite approach.

The fact that it could be months before you see your ex in person just means that you have more time to prepare, more time to knock his socks off when he sees you.

I recommend picking up my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for ideas on how you can change both mentally and physically during the NC period.

The Mindset You Need To Have During No Contact

Sometimes in order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.

Women who understand this tend to do really well when it comes to getting an ex back. If you are an avid reader of this site then you will find the next phrase I am about to say all too familiar. Men want the unattainable. We want what we can’t have and since I am assuming that you want your ex boyfriend back really really badly right now he is sensing that he can have you.

Here is your main problem. Right now, you aren’t willing to walk away to get him back. I will never forget the time when I was a little boy and went with my dad to watch him negotiate for a car at a car dealership. The thing about my dad is that he is always prepared when it comes to these types of things. He did a lot of research and had what he thought was a fair price in mind. So, when the time came to haggle over the price the car salesman and my dad went back and forth. They haggled and haggled and haggled until my dad determined that he wasn’t going to be getting the price he wanted.

So, my dad did what you are supposed to do in these circumstances. In the middle of the negotiation he literally got up and said “Chris, come on we are leaving.” It took about ten steps before we heard a “wait, come back” from the car salesman. That little tactic just won my dad the negotiation as he got his price.

In this case it was “sometimes in order to get the car you have to be willing to lose the car.”

7 - The Contact Guide For LDR's

talk to me goose

Ah, now we are getting somewhere. In this section I am going to give a pretty in-depth game plan that you should follow when talking to an ex who you were in a long distance relationship with. Now, before I really dive in here I do want to mention that the ONLY time that you should begin this “contact guide” is when you have completed the 30 day no contact rule that I talked about so much above.

You are about to find out that the rules are just a little bit different when it comes to contacting an ex in a long distance relationship.

What Is Different About Contacting An LDR Ex Vs. A Normal Ex?

  • It is all about setting up a date where you see each other in person.
  • You are allowed to use things like Skype and FaceTime BUT only when I specify below.
  • You SHOULD take a little more time to build rapport with your ex.
  • IF you do succeed in reuniting you have to find ways around the headwind I talked about above.

Ok, enough talking. Lets get to the good stuff.

Your First Contact After NC

Before I dive in to the first contact text message I just want to make you aware that the example texts found below aren’t going to be enough for you. Inevitably you will always want more examples which is why I created The Texting Bible.

So, if you want to up your “texting game” I suggest you take a look at it. Especially since it’s such a vital part of getting an ex back in an LDR.

The first contact you have with your ex should be done via a text message like I recommend throughout my site.

What’s my best advice for sending out a first contact text message? Simple, make it so intriguing that he will have no choice but to respond to it. You should be planning your text message throughout the NC period. I would like to recommend that you run it through what I like to call the first contact text.

Remember, your first contact text message has to be so intriguing that he will have no choice BUT to respond.

So, before you send out any text you should ask yourself “is this intriguing enough for him to respond 100% of the time?”

Ah, but there is another key to first contact text messages that I am leaving out. They have to fill your ex up with a positive memory about you. You don’t have to send him anything controversial to accomplish this. If I was you I would try something like this:

faith first contact

(For more text examples like this please visit The Texting Bible.)

Lets say you sent this exact text and get a response from him, what then? Well, then I would like you to simply end the conversation with something like

“Marie just showed up, I have to go but I will talk to you later :).”

The key with sending a first contact text message to a LDR isn’t to try to get him back. It’s to test him to see if he will be receptive to talking.

The Random Meme

I love internet memes.

In fact, I have an app on my iPhone that is actually JUST for memes. Whenever I get bored I start looking through the memes and just have a good laugh.

What is a meme you ask?

Hmm… I am not sure I can really define them in words. It is better if I just show you.

The Buffy Meme

buffy meme

The Photoshop Meme

photoshop meme

The Superman Meme

superman meme

As you can see, memes are meant to be light and funny. They are the type of things that will go viral in the blink of an eye. If you search the internet there are literally hundreds of thousands of memes out there. What I want you to do is send your ex a text with one of these memes (you pick what you think if funny around the internet.)

You are testing to see if he will respond. If he does respond then you are going to engage him in a very light conversation. You don’t want to engage him in any relationship talk yet. Sending out the “random meme text” is more to test him to see if he is responsive when talking to you. After you engage him for a while I then want you to end the conversation. It is important that YOU end it because it puts you in a position of power and will hopefully leave him wanting more.

If he doesn’t respond to your “meme” then that just means you have to go back into NC for about a week before you try texting him again.

The Remember The Good Times Text Message

If you are familiar with my monster 10k word post on how to get your ex boyfriend back then you should be familiar with this text message. With this text message you are really trying to get your ex boyfriend to remember some of the good memories you had together. So, I want you to brainstorm and list all the special memories you had together. These have to be memories that you know for a fact that your ex enjoyed.

Now, I do feel it is important to point out that you can’t use any sexual memories or anything of that nature yet. The memories you pick have to be strictly PG rated. I would try something like:

swarm of bees text

(Again, if you want more in-depth information on texting I suggest you pick up The Texting Bible.)

Notice how I chose a bonding experience in the above example. The closer you felt together during an experience the better it is. Also, another little nugget of knowledge I can give you is to make sure you use a lot of details. You don’t want to use so many details that you end up having to send 3 texts. However, try to include as many details as possible.

Now, lets assume that he responds to your “remembering the good times” text. What I want you to do is engage him in a conversation. Text him for around 3-5 hours that particular day. Once those 3 hours are up I want you to just not respond. End the conversation by not responding. Remember, our mantra here is to always leave him wanting more.

Let’s Sprinkle In A Little Jealousy

Jealousy can be a very powerful emotion. I have found that couples have gotten back together on jealousy alone. While I don’t recommend getting back together with someone b/c they are jealous and don’t want to see you with anyone else I do think it is ok to sprinkle in a little jealousy to remind your man what he is missing out on.

Of course, you do have a small problem since you were in a long distance relationship with this person.

How are they supposed to see you with someone else initially making them jealous? Well, they can’t but don’t worry I have found a way around this. It is called Facebook! Actually, I don’t want to dive in too deeply here because I already created a post that will help you pimp out your Facebook profile and I cover jealousy in there too!

As far as using jealousy directly with your ex via a text message the key here is to be subtle. Here is an unknown fact about this site, did you know that I actually get men contacting me? Yes, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a site dedicated to women. However, every once in a while there is a man that will reverse engineer the process and wind up on this site because he wants his ex girlfriend back.

A few months ago I had one particular man that really wanted his girlfriend back. He wound up on my site and figured that jealousy was the best way to accomplish this goal. There was just one problem, he didn’t read my warning:

You have to be subtle when you use jealousy directly.

He ended up telling me that he sent his ex girlfriend a text like this:

“I just went out with a really hot waitress last night!”

You can imagine how well that went over with the ex. The key to pulling off a jealousy text isn’t to actually tell your ex that you are out with someone new, it is to plant the idea in their head and let their minds run wild with all kinds of assumptions. One of my favorite ways to accomplish this is by sending a “romantic movie text”

romantic movie text

There are a couple of things I want to go over now. The reason this text is amazing at making an ex boyfriend jealous is that it is so subtle that your ex has to make all kinds of assumptions.

Romantic movie? Was she on a date?

A friend? Was this a guy friend?”

Time To Kick Things Up A Notch

Who doesn’t love a compliment? Let me rephrase that. Who doesn’t love a compliment from the opposite sex. One of my friends said it best:

I don’t care what she looks like, as long as I am getting compliments I am doing things right.

I don’t think you women realize the amazing effect that they have on men. Personally speaking, I am one compliment from the opposite sex away from having a great day. Oh, and I am one put down from the opposite sex to having a bad day. If you are going to compliment your ex boyfriend who you were in a long distance relationship with you have to be really careful.

Part of the reason that I made you jump through all those texting hoops in the previous section (first contact, meme, etc) was to kind of butter your ex up for this type of a text message. I want you to send him a compliment. Yes, it is a risk and you could fall flat on your face but in the end fortune favors the brave so it is time to be brave.

This compliment has to be different though. You have to be detailed and you have to send it at the right time. I recommend sending it when the two of you are in an emotional texting conversation. Here is an example I would use:

compliment text

This is kind of do or die for you. What you are looking for here is a positive response. Ideally, you want him to say more than “thank you.” You want a really positive response and perhaps even get him to compliment you. I would end the conversation after you send this text though no matter what.

Remember, always leave him wanting more.

I Miss You..

Assuming you have progressed this far you are in really good shape. Now it is time to heat things up just a little bit more. After you have gotten very positive responses on all the previous texts I want you to send a “I miss you” text message. This can’t be a simple “I miss you” though. You have to dress it up and kind of make it seem like you aren’t saying “I miss you.”

How do you do that?

Simple, you add lots and lots of details.

Take a look at the example below:

i miss you

(Lots and lots of texts huh? Well, I have 250+ more examples waiting for ya 😉 .)

Notice how that is nothing more than just a really complicated way of saying “I miss you.” You essentially dress the “I miss you” up in details that it doesn’t seem like you are missing your significant other. Obviously, you are looking for another positive response from your long distance partner here. If he responds in a positive way you can move on to the next section.

The Skype of FaceTime Call

skype

(Disclaimer: if you don’t have Skype or FaceTime then you can skip on to the next section.)

If you were in a long distance relationship then I am sure you are pretty aware of what Skype and FaceTime are. If not, they are essentially video software you can download to your smartphone (or computer) that will let you talk to the person face to face electronically.

It is essentially a step above texting. If you have progressed to this point of the page then that means you and your ex are ready to talk in person again (kind of ;).)

I want you to initiate a skype call where you kind of lay your cards out on the table. I want you to finally have an in-depth talk about your relationship. No, you aren’t asking him if he wants to get back together. I just want you to discuss your relationship and any feelings that you may be having for each other still.

Some key points for the Skype/FaceTime call

  • Be very confident.
  • Be very pleasant and happy.
  • DO NOT lose your temper.
  • Try to remain calm about everything.
  • Smile a lot.
  • Make sure you look amazing.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell interesting stories.

The Call (Duh Duh Duhhh..)

I ONLY want you to do this IF the skype call went extremely well. This is it! This is where you are going to try to see your ex in person again. Everything up until this point was just to prepare you for this moment. No pressure though haha ;).

Alright, you are going to make a phone call to your ex and see if you can set up a date where you two can see each other. Since there is long distance involved one of you is going to have to agree to come see the other one. I would actually recommend that YOU be the one that comes to him. That will require you to clear your schedule and have some extra spending cash which is why I want you to call him and let him know (to see if he digs the idea or not.) If he does then you are in! Great job.

If not, then that means you need to reenter NC for a while and try again later. Perhaps do a better job of recreated attraction during the text message portion. For that, I recommend checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

 

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Learn More

So, that’s it. A kind of condensed version of getting your ex boyfriend back if you are in a long distance relationship. I realize there will be a lot of questions since I did leave out some stuff. If you have any questions feel free to comment in the comments section below.

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What Do You Think? (4,531)

  1. J - 0

    J

    So hes finally on vaca for a week, i asked for closure and he said he is not giving me a second chance and is certain and says he prefers not too. He said its been good with us not talking cause there is nothing to tire him out. So now i tire him out??? Its like he doesn’t even want to consider I changed or about the future?? What do i do now??? Omg hes so set on no second chance its all i want thats the closure i want. I want to go on a date w him and just see how it feels a 1 year from now.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You have to give that closure to yourself because that’s his closure for you already. He just really wants you to move on. He’s tired of all the chasing you’re doing. I know it hurts, but he’s actually helping you by saying that because if cutting hope is what would make you change, then stop hoping.

  2. Ali - 0

    Ali

    So, I’m an 18 year old Norwegian girl who’s been dating a Japanese (in a month) 23 year old for almost eight months. Due to cultural differences and how special our relationship was, I feel like a ton of these advice wouldn’t actually help in my situation. He broke up with me quite accurately 50 hours ago, and to me it was incredibly sudden. He’s a hard working medical student, and due to the 8 hour time difference, it’s hard to stay in touch a lot, and honestly, we both preferred not talking every single day. We could casually send a single message without engaging in conversation, but we’ve usually been calling once every week, and it was the perfect mixture for me: enough to not start missing him too much, and not so often I’d be kept reminded of how I miss him all the time either. Because of that among other things, I don’t think the “no contact” rule would have much effect. He’s also a very rational person, and Japanese people are in general not very “flashy” about their emotions. I don’t think I’d piss him off if I ignored his messages, I think he’d just say “well then screw it” and get annoyed if I then suddenly started to engage in contact.
    The breakup itself came out of clear skies to me, and it’s taken it’s toll on my health. He messaged me requesting to talk to me after we hadn’t been able to talk for two weeks because he had exams, telling me he still loved me, but not deeply enough so that he felt that the pain of the distance was worth it. And he seemed really determined that the would never fall in love with me again, which is the most concerning to me, because when we’ve discussed the potential future of our relationship in the past, he said he’d might break up with me because of the distance, but that he could very well fall for me when I move to Japan in a year. During the breakup, he brushed that thought off so hard, he even told me he never wanted to see me again in fear of that we’d do “something we would regret”, like kissing or having sex. But he wanted to stay friends, saying he wished we could talk the way we used to do when we got to know each other, since that for his part was just a friendly feeling of joy, with no romantic feelings attached quite yet. He eventually took back what he said about never meeting up, saying we could meet if we had the chance sometime.
    Because of cultural differences and also personal ones, mixed with the fact that we rarely see each other, has lead us to fight every time we met in person. However, we always calm down and get used to each other during the stay, so I feel like the reason for our fights is pretty much us not being accustomed to each other anymore, in a sense. We have also fought online sometimes, and he gets really emotional during fights, and sometimes he’s said he wanted to break up with me, without actually meaning it. However, this time he was completely calm and thought through, so it wasn’t irrational or out of place.
    Because our distance was so grave and we both knew we wouldn’t be able to live even remotely close to each other within years (he’s tied to a deal with the government to stay in a different part of Japan from which I am going to), for it to work, we had to be quite serious. I’m not the kind of person who’d be screaming about marriage and stuff at the age of 18 after dating for just months, but in our situation, being that we’d have to be in a LDR for at least three years, most likely more, us getting married was in fact the most realistic future, and we did speak about it from time to time. Not planning weddings and such, but just talking about how we really hoped we could share that future. I would occasionally send him videos of puppies and children (as he loves dogs more than anything) and joke about it being our future home, and he would agree, and send me cute puppy videos as well. Because of that extreme contrast, I am completely devastated right now. To me, I’ve just lost the love of my life whom I had envisioned my entire future with, and it all happened within the blink of an eye. In a mere 20 minutes.
    During the breakup, he seemed calm and loving, in an odd sense. Like he did care. Because it was so sudden to me, I kind of needed a moment to collect my thoughts, so I didn’t really reply to anything of what he said during the phone call, but I sent him a document later that night (for me) to address the things he’d said during the conversation. He seemed upset that I had stayed up all night and told me I was harming myself (I’m a past self harmer, but I have NEVER done it during our relationship, however, he’s dated an emotionally ill girl before and I think that because of that, he is very cautious about me, telling me whenever bad things happen to me that I shouldn’t harm myself, which is kind of doing the opposite of his purpose, and I have tried to tell him before but he keeps reminding me, which always makes me feel horrible). I got a bit annoyed that he seemed to blame me for being unable to sleep, so I replied “jeez, don’t blame me for being unable to sleep please”. After that, he seemed to get a little bit steamy, though I tried to stay composed and as little emotional as possible, and I’m quite sure I did a pretty good job, the annoyed message I described was probably the “worst” thing I wrote. The conversation kind of ended with him being angry at me for telling him I wanted him to tell me this kind of thing with his words, as he had been using words that he would never say on his own to me during the breakup. He’s a highly rational person, and he was talking about stuff like “destiny” and “true love”. He told me he had done it for my sake, for me to not blame myself, and seemed pretty upset when he said “but it seems like it backfired”. I told him that I value honesty more and wish he would stay true to himself, though I of course wouldn’t want him to tell me “fuck off you bitch” or something like that. And then he told me that was one of the things that he really didn’t like about me, because I had told him in the past to be gentle with his words, because he’s been way too blunt with his words in the past at times. So I just apologised and said I appreciated the effort (of him trying to make me not blame myself). And he didn’t reply.
    At this point I’m not sure what to expect or how to approach this. I already decided I would not be the first one to send a message after this, cause I don’t want to be a clingy ex, and I already told him that in my document, since he had told me he wanted us to stay friends. But from our conversation afterwards, I’m kind of scared he might not contact me after all.
    He also seemed kind of done with me, which might’ve been what hurt the most. After he explained himself a little, and before he seemed to get actually mad, he finished off by saying “Thanks a lot! I sincerely hope you will move on soon”.
    He never consulted me about feeling like things wasn’t working out before. It might’ve been because he didn’t want to stress me out about it for a longer period of time, and he told me he said it so bluntly because there was nothing for me to fix anyways.

    I might just be desperate, but I don’t know… I feel like he’s decided he doesn’t want to fall in love with me again, and is cutting me off because of the pain of the LDR. I’m content with waiting until I live there, but if I don’t get any signs of hope until that point, I feel like this is gonna eat me up from the inside. I’m already having so much struggles sleeping and eating, and for someone who requires a lot of sleep and don’t typically have sleepless nights, it’s rather exhausting…
    Sorry if this text was messy. How should I go about it? Ignoring texts is a no-no in my situation, but I can avoid contacting him. But I definitely will have to do something more than -just- not contacting him, I feel like he might just start ignoring me too in that case, judging from what kind of personality he has.
    Thanks a lot in advance

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ali,

      the truth is if you don’t have the elements mentioned above on making an ldr work, it won’t. Now, of course he would want to friendzone you because he’s still used to talking to you at time to time. If you want to do that,just be friends, of course you can. But my take is, I’ll assess first if we have the elements and then do nc, for him to miss me but most importantly so I can heal and improve myself before I try to rebuild rapport slowly.

      Because it’s human nature that we will miss what’s routine. If you text every week or every two weeks and then suddenly you don’t, he will notice that. If he goes like, I don’t care, then let him be. But for sure he will be curious on why you didn’t answer and then check what he can check, which is social media. If he sees you’re moving on, he’ll miss you more because of that.

      If you’re afraid he’ll be angry, take it as a good sign, because that means he cares. Because for me, if he doesn’t get angry, that means he understands you but that doesn’t mean he will not feel regret.
      But if there’s no way to make the relationship work, then whatever you do right, it won’t. If you can’t see each other in person for years, that’s a big deal. That’s hard because it won’t feel like a real relationship.

    • Ali - 0

      Ali

      I did post a comment, but my wifi failed me when I was posting it, so I don’t know whether it got through or not… I didn’t copy/paste, so this is a slightly different message.
      I feel like we have what it takes to manage a long distance relationship. The only thing that was missing, was that his feelings weren’t that intense anymore. He still loved me. So I need to make his feelings more intense somehow. Also, he’s definitely gone the extra mile for me in this relationship. The first three months of us dating, he was an exchange student in Malta and Dublin. When he got back to Japan, everyone expected him to break up with me, but he didn’t. My impression of Japanese and relationships, is that they’re a lot of the time a lot more practical about it than westerners. But he stayed with me. I don’t think his friends bothered him about it in any way tho, that he stayed and that it was kinda “weird” in a cultural context, and it’s been six months since the time everyone thought he had broken up with me, I don’t think that’s something that affected his decision now.
      And it’s not like we couldn’t see each other for years, it’s just that we couldn’t have a non-LDR for years. I’m going to Japan this autumn with a friend, and of course I planned to see him. I also planned to see him when I moved to Tokyo next spring, and as much as we can afford time wise as well (money isn’t the biggest issue when we live in the same country).
      Because this is an inter-cultural relationship, and this is a new situation for both of us, I’m really scared and unsure how he will handle it. I feel like if I do the NC, I might just do more harm, both of personal reasons, and of cultural ones. Part of the reason we don’t talk a lot is also that we live quite busy lives, especially him, even though it’s definitely not the #1 reason. If I were to leave him hanging when he was trying to reach out, thus taking his time without giving him anything to go on. I think he would view it as quite disrespectful and immature if I didn’t even tell him why I couldn’t respond, but if I do ignore but respond him that I’m busy all the time, that won’t really work either. It’s also so out of character for me to do a NC rule kind of thing, and not like him to go to any sort of action out of a such thing. I feel like an NC would either make him try to shove his feelings deep into his heart and “accept” that I didn’t want to speak with him for the next month, and when I then reach out, he might’ve settled really hard on the thought. Or, he would get really angry at me for not respecting his restricted time – also because it’s not something I would do normally, I’ve NEVER done anything like this before, and I feel like he will notice it’s so not like me. I’m a super honest person that always wants to see situations from all angles, and try to solve anything. I don’t know what I should tell him if he gets really upset when I suddenly message him, what kind of excuse would I give? Also it’s really not my thing to give excuses or tell lies, so this situation in general is very uncommon for me.
      Thank you so much for replying, I appreciate it so much. I really hope I can figure this out somehow, this has completely broken me down. I can’t sleep at night, and the build up of the stress is most likely what has caused me this intense back pain I’ve been experiencing since last morning….
      I actually have a psychiatrist, which I unfortunately see way too rarely, but I have an appointment tomorrow. I hope he can help me out a bit as well.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you should check this :
      Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

      and take your time thinking before taking another step..

  3. Curious - 0

    Curious

    Is a “Hello” text from my ex (ON VALENTINES DAY) after 5 days of no contact a good thing? I still should continue no contact right?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Curious,

      yes, it’s a good sign and yes, stick to no contact.

  4. Abbs - 0

    Abbs

    Hi Amor,
    I previously wrote about my situation on another post but can’t remember which one. Let me just give you an update. We are obviously in a Long distance relationship. I started talking to him on day 17 of No contact and we’ve continued to talk for almost a month now. I feel like things are going good, but at the same time I still feel scared. I miss him and I love him, but I’m keeping my cool. We’ve talked naughty, we’ve flirted and he’s initiated contact many times. We have talked over the phone and it was such an awesome conversation. He calls me baby and he’s told me he loves me but then hasn’t said it since. We planned a trip for march where we will be meeting since the breakup. He helped plan and was all in. 3 days ago he was freaking out and said that he didn’t stop to think to ask himself if he was ready for it, but still he never said no. I wasn’t forcing it either, I casually brought it up and he said YES! The next day I asked him if he was going to bail and he said no, that he was sorry and just freaked out a bit. Flights and hotel are bought. Anyways, we have a skype date today for valentine’s day and I’m kind of excited about it. My concern is: We haven’t really talked about many serious things about our relationship. The last time I tried to bring it up, he said no serious questions tonight. How do I know when I should talk about it? Some days are great and other days I let the bad thought get to me. I told him I missed him yesterday and he said he missed me too and that it was comforting to talk to me. What does this all mean? We have a trip coming up! Should I not over think or am I just creating an illusion that is not even there? We’re friends and he asked me if It was moving too fast to what we were before and then he said nevermind and we didn’t talk about it anymore. I have been working on myself and feel better about many things I didn’t before. I feel confident and then he just makes me feel weak. He has always been supportive and told me I could do anything. He compliments me, he calls me sweet names and flirts a ton and then I just think way too much and over analyze. Can you please give me some advice? I want to continue to think Positive! I feel like things are going great and then I don’t. Help!
    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Abbs,

      he felt comfortable talking to you because that’s what he’s used to.. Him asking if it’s moving too fast, means it crossed his mind that you and him are moving too fast now.. So, dont ask any serious matters..that would be better done in person..just keep having fun conversations

  5. J - 0

    J

    its more so i feel so embarrassed that i even sent him messages like that knowing he prob told his friends and will make me seem even more crazy. why am i like this?? why cant i control myself?? why do i ruin all my chances? i just really want another chance with him down the future

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      are you still going to counseling? if you are, tell your therapist your sentiments because he/she might give you physical activities to help you with your situation.. your friend is actually right. And that’s probably the reason why your ex doesn’t reply no matter what, so you would stop hoping..

  6. J - 0

    J

    when i messaged him i went as crazy as saying that i am seeing someone right now (even tho i am not) and that i just want to remain friends cause he was someone i cared about…idk why i said it, i guess i just wanted him to talk to me, but he still never did. but obviously, i dont want to be just a friend. why do you think even a message like that he wont respond to me? do u think he actually wants no communication for the next year and a half for the clean slate? remember the story i told you before? i know you get a lot of stories on here, so you might not remember mines clearly….im so scared i really want another chance with him, but my friend said i went above the line of crazy and desperate. ive sent him a total of 10 messages in 2 days since he hasnt responded or even opened any of them.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      are you still going to counseling? if you are, tell your therapist your sentiments because he/she might give you physical activities to help you with your situation.. your friend is actually right. And that’s probably the reason why your ex doesn’t reply no matter what, so you would stop hoping..

  7. Maria - 0

    Maria

    My ex and I broke things off about two weeks ago. After I went about 10 days of not contacting him, my sister and he had gotten into it over a post on his Facebook stating I had left him. This started on a Monday. This infuriated her because it wasn’t the truth, so she said what she needed to say and left it at that. He reached out to her through her inbox and they pretty much went back and forth in regards to how he hurt me by leaving me the way he did (via text). After talking it over for a few minutes, he said he knew what he needed to do and reached out to me. He sent a whole paragraph stating how sorry he was for putting me in the position that he did, for hurting me or causing me any pain throughout the relationship. We talked it out and he said he was in a dark place because of our break up and needed to come out of it in order to be himself again. I told him I would be there and we could take things slow if need be, he agreed. The next two days, I waited until he contacted me. He wanted to see how I was doing and checked up on me. On Wednesday, he invited me over for the weekend because he said he wanted to see me. He invited me to the party he was hosting as well, and I accepted. But after giving it some thought, I thought better of it. He called me that same night and I told him I couldn’t make it. He looked sad about it, but I did invite him over next weekend to which he said yes. He actually seemed excited about it. We stayed on the phone for about two hours and it went very well. He kept blurting out that he missed me and accidentally called me babe twice. The next day, I didn’t reach out nor did he. Friday, I texted him later on that night to see how he was doing, but he seemed busy and told me he was attending a meeting in regards to the party the next night. I said what I needed to say and told him if he wasn’t trying to be in a relationship with me, to be upfront about it because I didn’t want to invest any more time and energy into something that wouldn’t progress. He said I was right, to let him sleep on it, but if I wanted to know where his head was he was leaning towards making us go again. He said he wants to take things slow (the process to get there) and he is up for fixing us as well. He assured me it wasn’t out of convenience, otherwise he would’ve rushed back in. He wants to take his time to understand me better and said he would obviously do his part and understand where I was coming from. My question is, should I believe him, does he really want to work things out or is he dragging me along as an option? And if so, should I just take things slow and let him come to me when he feels it is right?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria,

      there’s only one way to know that, let him prove it. You already had a talk, let him prove what he said. Of course it would hurt if he doesn’t, but at least you wouldn’t wonder what could have happened otherwise..

  8. J - 0

    J

    everyone keeps telling me that its too late now for a chance…..i messed up again and i am trying but idk why it pisses me off so much when he doesnt reply to me cause i see him commenting on peoples posts and pictures and then ignore my messages and note ven open it. so i though hell why not tell him i am seeing someone and just say i want to be friends cause i care about you still…..and he doesnt even reply back either. my friend says im being even more crazy and desperate and that its too late now for another chance in a year and a half…….is that true? I know youll say I gotta move on because to him it looks like i didnt change…..i just want closure i feel….but i also want him to apologize for telling people i am crazy and i want another chance in a year from now………so is it too late since ive messed up these past 6 months chasing…..like do you know anyeone who has chased this long and was able to get another chance sometime down the future? i just feel his mind is very stubborn and he doesnt want to change it at all.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      No, it’s ok. I understand. Actually they are right, the more you chase, the less chances you have. If you want closure just tell it him to him. If he doesn’t answer, then that’s the closure itself. He just wants you to move on.

  9. J - 0

    J

    this is so hard, i tried to hold in my control but i ended up spamming 6 texts again today just asking to be friends. idk why it angers me so much like even if i have no feelings i still want to remain his friend. obv atm i still want a chance deep down, but its like why is he not answering me? why are all my chances ruined

    sorry if i am annoying again, as you can tell i mess everything up and there are no more chances no matte rhow hard i try

    Reply
  10. Joy - 0

    Joy

    Hi, I’m currently doing the NC rule but something came up. I was in a LDR and I just saw the news in his country that there was a huge fire. I checked the news online to get more information and found out that it’s in his area. Can I break the no contact rule and ask him about it? If so, what should I say and how do I start?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Joy,
      yes, it’s ok because it’s an emergency.. just ask him of he’s alright

  11. J - 0

    J

    yes i should stop worrying but how much time do you think i need to give him for him to talk to me again? it is clear he is active again today on fb but he didnt bother open my messages at all and left them unread…..like i understand why i have been sucha bad person, insecure, etc and why he felt so suffocated by me and then him telling everyone i am psychotic….but its like he will NEVER change his mind. 2 years will go by fast because its been 6 months already since we broke up and how it went so downhill, so basically been half a year since we broke up….and it felt like nothing changed and i can still remember all the fights we had when we were broken up like all the stories ive told you before if u remembered them all. see how fast it has been…..6 more months and itll be a year since we broke up but i feels like yesterday and i can still feel the hurt. i think maybe he feels it too which is why he is giving no 2nd thought to ever getting back together? what do u think? whatre my chances in 1 year and a half from now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you’re in his shoes, does it look like you’re so different than the girl he left and that you’re not chasing him? That’s right that time passes by fast, that’s why you need to make the most out of it. 6 months has already been wasted with chasing, worrying and devaluing yourself. Are you going to do the same in the remaining year and a half?

  12. J - 0

    J

    Also since i messed up AGAIN do you think i have a chance in 1-2 yrs?? Because everyone says 1-2 yrs will go by fast if you actually think about it and its clear his mind is still stuck on me being crazy and never want me back again

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well, if you keep worrying instead of focusing in your growth, nothing will change too right?

  13. J - 0

    J

    Do you think he will ever talk to me again one day because its so clear he wants to not date me again or even talk to me as friends

    Reply
  14. J - 0

    J

    remember me? today i made the mistake and messaged my ex and he didnt reply to me. i just asked him how the military is going and if we can be friends again…since i know the guess what? or reminding texts after NC dont work on him. He didnt bother to even open my message. I am certain I am over him but after getting no response at all, its like i feel it all again in my heart and it hurts all over again…..what should I do? He didnt answer me and now hes offline again. Not sure if you remember my story. Where he told everyone I am crazy and psychotic and mental. and he said we should just not talk for 1-2 years only way for a chance but he probably only said that so i can stop chasing. TBH i just want to be his friend right now, i dont know if I want to get back with him, but deep down i do hope for another chance….what should i do? go back to NC for another month ? How can he just not even open my message when I see he is active posting on others walls, etc.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi J,

      yes I do remember you! 🙂
      For me,.that’s better that he didn’t respond because it would make you hope and not focus in moving on and improving yourself

  15. AL - 0

    AL

    Hi! I’ve been in a 2 year LDR that ended 2 weeks ago. He had to move to a new place with a friend, who has a girlfriend. Seeing them together made him feel sad that we can’t be like them. He opened up to me as to how our situation is frustrating for him because he doesn’t know how to close the distance. He lives in the US, I live in the UK. I have plans to move to the US but the process will take long since I need to get a visa. He wanted to think about how to sort out this problem and asked for time to think. We didn’t talk for a week. After a week, I initiated contact telling him I have some suggestions about visits that we can do. However, that conversation didn’t end well. He also misunderstood that I was planning a trip somewhere (not in the US) that would cost almost the same as visiting the US. He got angry. I tried to explain the misunderstanding but he didn’t listen. After a few days, he deleted me and my closest friend from his facebook. We tried talking one more time but he ended up just finding faults at everything I say and repeating the issue of the misunderstanding from before. I’m not sure if there’s still hope even if i do the NC since he’s already removed me from his social media.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Al,

      give him a week to cool down and bw active during that week before reaching out again..if it doesn’t work, start nc..

  16. Anonymous - 0

    Anonymous

    I’ve known my ex since 4 years. We only greeted each other with a smile and a wave. He and I happened to end up in the same class and he started texting me 3 months before he leave for other country for his higher studies. Things got excalated between us and we decided to give a try for relationship. We got into a relationship just a month before he leave, having spent a month with me, he left for his higher studies to US. We’d been very good to each other and I’d also decided to apply for his University for Masters. We thought the distance is only going to be for a year and that once I get admits from his University, we’d end up killing the distance between us. But, things didn’t work out as we’d decided, I got a reject from the university he is studying in, he’s been really upset about it since a week. I wrote him a mail saying he could walk out if he wants to as we don’t know how long we’re going to be away from each other. (Although, I might end up in the country he is staying at for my master’s but We can’t afford to see each other on regular basis as we’re students and still not earning). He didn’t reply for my mail. Since my reject, we’ve been talking very limited and there is no emotional talks happening between us. Yesterday, I broke down and ended up saying some harsh things to him like, I asked him to stop giving me a mental torture and I asked him to stop giving me a silent treatment. This text of mine made him go mad at me and he insisted that we should be breaking up. He feels like I’m blaming his love and he doesn’t want to give me a mental torture cause of his sadness. He asked me not to contact again and blocked me. But I left him a voicemail crying that made him unblock me but again he said that breakup is a good option for him that I blaming his love really hurts him. He has left me unblocked but we’ve not spoken after that. We both love each other and he is important for me, please help me deal with this situation.

    Reply
  17. Chris - 0

    Chris

    Oh hi. I met someone on a dating site 8 months ago. Immeadiately we started text skyping for over 4 hours a day. Sometimes through the whole night. I missed a day once and she was pretty angry with me. She did most of the intial running. I visted her in late November and the electricty between us was instance. and the time we spent together was perfect. It was very dramatic for a few days after we left each other. I visited her again in mid january and it was even better this time. OMG more than perfect. she told me during one conversation that she was afraid i would dump her. She knows it’s not a problem for me to see every 5 weeks or so. But I’m a single dad with 3 kids that live with me. She has 2 grown up kids. It was very dramatic again when we parted. The next day she told me it was to difficult to go through this again. I wrote a nice letter back acepting this and told her it would get easier in time. She wrote back twisted a few lines and said I should forget about her. (As if) then a few days after wrote on Skype saying thanks for everything. Then bloked it. I emailed her 2 lines a few days later to see if she was okay. She emailed back immediately 5 words saying okay thanks. That was a week ago. I really miss her. from chatting all day for 8 months to having the best week of my life to this is hard. I’m sure I can keep to the NC thing. But realistically do you think she will ever come back. and how do i win her back. She knows i have already bought a ticket for next month. But to be honest i dont think I’m going to make that flight.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Chris,

      there’s a good chance she will regret her decision.. Be active in improving yourself during nc and in posting in social media

  18. S - 0

    S

    Hi.
    I’m not chasing my boyfriend, but my girlfriend (same sex relationship, long distance).

    We were great friends, if not best friends, for about 3 years then got together and got serious quickly 5 months before she took a two year visa to Canada. We kept it going, (but the distance was getting tough) for about 18 months. I went to visit with her for a week in October- very tough trip- I was nervous, she was too- and honestly, she’s just trying to enjoy her time… AND would like to extend the visa further, but reality is she will be able to have a few extra months, on a tourist, but likelihood of granted extension for anything long term is slim to none. She has the travel bug and I get that and support it, even… But we had plans… We counted on each other… We were a big deal sort of relationship, it wasn’t a fling, you know?

    Anyway, 2 weeks after I got back from the visit, she broke it off with me. I fought her on it- and I just can’t see that when eventually she DOES come back, so long as we maintain contact and friendship- I mean, we started out that way- and once upon a time SHE was the one that convinced me ‘we will be ok. We’ll get through this’ she actually took a lot of time and effort to get me comfortably caring about her and us and a future together.

    I think she got scared realising the finite time that she has over there doing her own thing and living life and she says there’s no one else she just doesn’t want to be with anyone now because she just wants to concern herself with herself. Fair enough- as hurt as I am, fair enough.

    But to me- I want to work on the assumption that she DOES wind up back home here. (I’m not exactly a small town girl from home that she has completely outgrown either. This is her first time really going and fully doing her own thing in the world- but we met in her home country, where I have immigrated to about 9 years ago… I understand the want and need to see the world and go off on your own adventures, meet new people, have your own experiences, etc) I just want us to be able to start again, meet again and start a new chapter- not recreate the old good. BUT – she tells me ‘just because I’m not thinking about home or anyone from home doesn’t mean I don’t care…’ (Gives me hope) yet also texts that ‘yes, we can be friends but we’ll never be like we were.’ (Crushes me)

    Seriously , I don’t expect ‘the same,’ time changes both of us- but I can’t see why we wouldn’t be able to manufacture a good relationship and environment to give ourselves a new chance. I can’t understand and I don’t accept it as a door closed… I mean, if she comes back and slams the door in my face, so to speak- I guess I’ll move on- but legitimately, I do love her, and I want to do whatever is within my own control of getting us back- even if we have to completely re meet. We’ve been friends since the first time we met… Just enjoyed each other. A lot. We were around for other relationships and breakups that the other went through, but we were special (I’m sure everyone thinks they are) and I believe we can be again- but I need to give her space to do her own adventuring (funny as it may be to give more space between Australia and Canada!). I just want your tutoring to make sure I don’t sabotage our chances of rebuilding. I have read through your 30 day NC – I’m starting off with 11 days already under my belt, but will continue with that. It all makes sense to me- I just feel terribly vulnerable. I’m guessing, but id like valuable, experienced advice. I miss her. I was always in her corner for going away and doing this trip- it was originally supposed to be a year only, but as I’ve already done lots of travel myself- I never thought it would be less than what the visa allowed for, so I missed her longer but not in despair. I always told her ‘I love you more than I miss you.’ But make no mistake- part of me just doesn’t want to be ‘dumped,’ to have ‘wasted all of this time and emotion,’ but mostly I just love her and I want my girl back… Even if she stays away longer still. I want to go about my life… But be ready for her when she does find her way back home. I need to be able to be her friend first- even though I make no bones about where I want that to eventuate. Can you help me? Please?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi S,

      you mean you haven’t contacted her nor replied for 11 days? if yes, that’s considered part of nc, if not start the count after this.. I think she doesn’t want to be friends now because of course she knows you still have feelings for her.. So, be very active during and after your nc so that she would think you accepted and you’re moving on..

  19. Anon - 0

    Anon

    I have been doing no contact with my ex boyfriend since 1/17. Before the 30 day NC period is up, on February 17, my birthday and Valentines day will have passed. What do I do if he writes me on my birthday and/or Valentine’s day?

    Reply
  20. Areej Abbas - 0

    Areej Abbas

    me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and everything was working amazing but today he suddenly messaged me saying he is sorry for everything, he cares about me and that he cant continue doing this to me anymore. I was left really confused. nevertheless he has decided upon ringing me tonight, i hope we can sort everything out because I don’t wanna lose him.

    Reply
  21. Maria - 0

    Maria

    I wrote about two days ago. I’m not sure if it went through because I don’t see my comment up at all, but it had said it was successfully submitted.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria

      yes it is.. I’ll paste may answer there here.

      Hi Maria,

      try it first..if it doesn’t work, then move on..

    • Maria - 0

      Maria

      So, it’s been 9 days since I’ve started the NC rule. I haven’t reached out to my ex once nor has he tried with me. But this morning, he added me back on Snapchat. He removed me from all of his social media when we had broken up. What I’m trying to ask is should I add him back or will that be breaking the NC rule? Could he be missing me as well?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, that’s a good sign.. Im not that familiar with snapchat but if it’s an invite, accept it..

  22. Anonymous - 0

    Anonymous

    I feel as though my situation it a lot more complicated. I will keep it short but try my best to give details. Me and ex boyfriend been together for 5 years. He moved overseas 3 years ago. We’ve been on and off for various of reasons. My birthday is coming up and we were going to meet up in Dubai to celebrate I got my ticket and hotel and everything but he has been ignoring me for about 2 weeks. I don’t blow his phone up. I checked up on him to see if everything was ok? And if he’s mad he needs to tell me. No response? I’m confused. My friend took matters to her own hands and sent him a message basically telling him I’m a good girl and doesn’t deserve to be treated poorly. He didn’t respond. He’s active on Facebook but just ignoring me. Is he afraid of letting me down that he can’t come? Idk I’m left in the dark but I’m taking it as a break up. And I’m afraid I may never talk to him again. Also he HATES when I bring my friends into the equation. HELP MY SITUATION IS DIFFICULT

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anonymous,
      he’s ghosting you… you can still try the advice above..

    • Areej Abbas - 0

      Areej Abbas

      Hi, i can relate a little because I have had such phases with my boyfriend, I’d recommend sending him one last message explaining how you have given him 5 years of your life you at least deserve an explanation for his ignorance. he may ring then, if not then try giving him some time

  23. Sungin Rose - 0

    Sungin Rose

    Hello,
    I really need your help with this. so my ex and I had a long distance relationship (im in new york and he’s in germany) for 2 years. he broke up with me about 4 days ago. I had been rude to him lately but I still love him a lot. I have made pretty much all the mistakes, tried to contact him several times, cried and seemed desperate and needy and miserable. I just can’t believe he moved on so quickly. he always said he loved me and I knew he wasn’t lying. I always loved him too and I still do. he is currently in a relationship with his best friend who is very similar to him  (we are very different), really beautiful, and lives in Germany. he seems to be doing pretty good without me. I just can’t believe he just doesn’t love me anymore, it all just went away. we had been through so much together..
    he came to visit me last year on spring and we had the most wonderful time of our lives. I know I have been rude and made many mistakes but I want him back. and I am willing to do anything to get him back.
    please please please help me. I really want him back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sungin Rose,

      you broke up 4 days ago? did he break up with you to be with her?

  24. Amanda - 0

    Amanda

    Me and my boyfriend are long distance and have been best friends for years. We started dating about 5 months ago and It has been amazing and we barely ever fought. We are now back to college and have been arguing so he randomly broke it off yesterday. He says he still loves me and just needs time to himself and thinks we would be better as friends. I know we would be better dating because we were both so happy when we were dating and he just made a rash decision. How do I handle this situation?? This is so hard and sad.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amanda,

      you mean you’re in differenr colleges now? give it a week..if he doesn’t talk to you try the advice above

    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      Hello Amor, a week of no contact?

    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      Also.. yes different colleges two hours apart.

    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      Amor.. Also his birthday is this coming friday (3rd) and i don’t want to create any bad feelings with him by not saying Happy birthday and wishing him well.. I also already have his gift which i cannot return. Ugh. what should i do ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s not really no contact..it’s just space to see if he would initiate.. that means you can still give the gift

    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      Amor. We just broke up officially instead of a ‘break’ … He is not coming back and this is clear to me. Any advice on how to move on and be happy? I am heartbroken.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      are you sure you want to give up this early? why not try no contact first and then heal and improve

    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      He posted about 15 snapchats of him with girls last night. I think he is moving on.. i have been crying all morning

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      dont get too affected, that’s probably his purpose of snapping that..

    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      If he is constantly with girls and getting lots of attention do you think there is a chance he is going to miss me? I feel like it would be hard to miss me when he is constantly busy and with other people. Again, thank you so much for the advice!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, because we are a creature of habit.. unconciously he would think of you at times

    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      Im not sure if my comment went though but …

      Ive done no contact for about a week and it’s just now hitting me that I’ve lost my favorite person in the world. I have been so upset and miss him more than anything. I am very tempted to contact him because it is so painful not talking to him. I know I shouldn’t contact him but I really don’t know how I could possibly not talk to the most important person in my life.

      Not sure what to do 🙁

    • Chris Seiter - 4
    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      Amor- Do you think its best to not post on social media so that he doesn’t think im sitting around bored all day on my phone? Or best to post positive/normal things so he thinks im doing good?

      also V day is tomorrow… any advice for no contact? gonna be rough.

      -Amanda

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      be active in posting.. v day is more of a commercial day for couples.. I know it’s hard, but being in a relationship now, me and my bf didn’t even bought gifts for each other. Yes, we did greet each other but we both thought that anniversaries and other occasions are more important because everything at this time for couples is over priced.. and here in our country, we actually greeted the singles happy independence day because for us, valentines should be celebration of love in all forms, for family, friends and mostly for yourself

    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      Ugh. I am trying to think of everything to get him back because NC makes it feel like i am just sitting around waiting for him to move on!!

      Do you think being friends with your ex makes it harder or easier to eventually develop those feelings for each other again?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Be active in improving yourself, don’t just wait for nc to be over. After break up, being friends helps you more to be friendzoned because there’s no distance.

    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      Okay thanks, Do you have the link to the article about improving yourself?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm.. follow this one:

      The Ungettable Girl

  25. Remza - 0

    Remza

    Hello my comment seems to have disappeared can you please let me know if I should repost it or if was deleted because it wasn’t desired to be answered?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Remza,

      it did went through.. He feels neglected when he was with you, when he still wanted to be with but right now, to demand that kind of attention when he doesn’t want to be back with you is different..that means he’s just using you

  26. Luisa - 0

    Luisa

    Hi,I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years different countries he is from New Zealand and me from Mexico,we met online but he came to live here 6 months after for almost 6 months, since then I have traveled twice to New Zealand under a tourist visa, and we had lots of problems because I was frustrated and doing nothing our relationship got really bad, but when I came back to mexico last october he told me we would be back together in no time, but since I came back he changed, never wanted to talk and asked me for time to think in november I havent done any of those tips almost begged me to take me back for this months and a week ago he told me he would give me another chance but he is cold and still doesnt talk I am afraid he doesnt love me anymore and is doing this because he is just used to me. I want to win his love back, but I dont know how to make him see how happy we can be, and how much we loved each other once and that we can still do it. I just want to know how to approach him so he feels and treat me as he did before.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Luisa,

      do you want to try advice above?

  27. anonymous because he will know I was here - 0

    anonymous because he will know I was here

    Mr I really need your help, few days ago everything was being lovely and all of a sudden he is acting weird. It has been like a year and a half since the breakup, he never contacted me and I never did either, following the no contact rule, but two weeks ago I decided to do it and he was very happy that I texted him. Said he missed me and stuff, and apologized for everything (especially for the rebound relationship he got himself into, and explained it to me), I apologized for my part as well (I had to because I was something beyond clingy and he tolerated it and apologized for MY behavior for more than a year of relationship), and cool, he´s even trying to flirt with me again, he likes to remind about nice things that happened while we were together, and he´s being attentive and protective as he used to be even though we are just friends atm. He started liking my posts on tumblr and that stuff again, said good morning every day, even invited me to visit him (yeah we were LDR) and now after a week, he takes a lot more time to reply to my texts, doesn´t send me good morning texts, and I feel like he´s deliberately doing things that made me angry in the past. The difference now is that I don´t react as I did before. I haven´t got mad at him and I´m giving him his space, also I´m not following his flirting attempts. I´m afraid he might be trying to apply some strategies on me too, or he might be trying to make me cut contact with him again, but if it was the case, why would he keep on being attentive? Even with this weird behavior he´s still nice and all. I´m aware that we just regained contact two weeks ago and I´m very calm about all of the situation, but if you could explain to me what the f…. is wrong with his head I would appreciate it very much 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi,

      I’m not sure I understand..You said he’s been doing stuff lately that makes you angry, but he’s also still being nice? how?

  28. Remza - 0

    Remza

    Hello! I want to share with you what’s happening with me because you’re giving such wonderful advice.
    I really wish to be back with my ex boyfriend and I want some advice, please help me!:(
    My ex boyfriend and I grew up together and were best friends as little kids for years, we lost contact because I moved countries and we got in touch again a year ago and he told me he wanted to be with me and he was in love with me and I too fell in love with him, we were in a LDR for over a year (with phone sex, FaceTime, voice call etc) and he planned to join me in this country upon graduation and we planned our engagement and marriage time and children names etc.
    We had a fight because he was jealous of a contact with a man I had and he broke up with me and didn’t contact me or reply to me contacting him for a month, we then finally spoke and he said he no longer wants to be together at all but he wishes to remain friends, we talk everyday again for hours but he told me he only wants to be friends and it is because he no longer has any feelings for me, he had done this ones before where he said he stopped feeling much and wanted to call it quits only to tell me later it was only because he was mad at something I did (I did do something mean then) and that I am his life and he only did it to punish me so I wonder if he’s doing this again but we have never had this much time apart and he usually tells me he loves me again instantly after arguments.
    So no we talk as just friends when I try to bring us back together he says it won’t happen and he won’t come here and we aren’t getting married, he gets annoyed if I call him my love, darling etc, and we have phone sex still despite this.
    I’m not sure what to do help me please!the thought of a long no contact period is really scary especially knowing that he feels neglected quickly and is often hurt if I’m not checking on him or are affectionate (this is prior to the breakup)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Remza,

      it did went through.. He feels neglected when he was with you, when he still wanted to be with but right now, to demand that kind of attention when he doesn’t want to be back with you is different..that means he’s just using you

    • Remza - 0

      Remza

      Thank you for your feedback. So what do you think I should do then? I’m really sad he feels like he has no more feelings what we had is so dear and special and I’ve known him since we were kids and we are as close in some ways it’s so precious to me what should I do do you think?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try the advice above and be active in improving yourself..

    • Remza - 0

      Remza

      So the no contact rule for about a month? And then build rapport and go from there you think? How do you mean be active in improving myself what do you see as missing?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      oh, sorry I wasnt elaborate! 🙂 yes, that’s right. Being active in improving yourself means improving the health, wealth and relationship aspect of your life. Relationship with family, friends and making new friends.. Do new things, so you can expand your world and gain other perspective too

  29. Gwendolyn - 0

    Gwendolyn

    Hi
    My ex and I live 5hours apart. Things were amazing and we had only dated for 5 and a half months. He spend Christmas and new years meeting my family. He told me he loved me all the time and I felt really secure. One new years eve he told me how excited he was about 2017 because he wanted to take our relationship to the next level. We talked about kids and marriage constantly. Two weeks after new years he text me to check my email. He suddenly dumps me! We never had a fight and I didn’t see it coming at all. Two days prior he was telling me how he wants me to meet his daughter the following weekend. All he said was that I was perfect in every way and I had nothing to do with his decision. He also said that he doesn’t want to get married nor engaged and wants to be alone. In addition, his email included that he’s often unpredictable and does know why “this” always happens to him. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of asking “why” questions although I had plenty. He told me several times before that the only way he would ever break up with me is if I ever cheated on him, which definitely did not happen in this case. I am extremely confused. I thought maybe he is a commitment phobia and all the talks about family and marriage scared him.I began the no contact rule immediately but I miss him so much!! We spoke everyday and it’s killing me but I’m remaining strong. My only problem with the NC rule is that I don’t want him to think I dont care. I’m on day 8 of the rule amd wondering if you have any further advice for me?
    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gwendolyn,

      so you want him to think you’re just there waiting?

  30. Confused G - 0

    Confused G

    Hi,

    So I contacted my ex after NC and he responded me. However, it´s very difficult for me to built rapport, because he is only answering one text a day independing on the time I write to him. He has been doing that for a week now. He is keeping the conversation going, but he only writes one text a day. Within the weekwe have been texting back an forward there has been days where I didn´t texted him and waited for a day, but then he would do the same. I also don´t answer him right away, but usually wait for some hours before I text him back. What can I do to change this pattern? Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confused G,
      what were the topics that you were using?

    • Confused G - 0

      Confused G

      I initiated the contact by testing about a book he likes. Since then we have texte about his work, my studies and fitness which are topics that he is normally interested in. I don’t know if I am doing something wrong or what I can do to changes the pattern…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      rest from initiating for now..maybe 3-5 days.. dont stop in being busy in your own life..

    • Confused G - 0

      Confused G

      Hi!
      I rested for 4 days and then he texted me. However, I might have done something stupid. I didn’t text him back, but called him. I called him in order to congratulate him on finishing an important prensetation at work and to wish him to get well soon from his illness. He didn’t answer the phone and just texted that he is sorry he can’t talk, because he is not home and hope everything is ok. After an half hour I answered that it’s ok and everything was fine. The next day he send me a text by saying sorry again which I just answered by saying it’s fine and I if he were doing better. He texted he was doing good and moved focus from the phone call by writting about his plans for his work. I didn’t text him before the following day which is today. He has read my text but hasn’t answred yet. He is probably not going to text me back before tomorrow. It seems like he is back to the pattern where he only text once a day. It’s clear to me that he wasn’t ready for talking on the phone with me and he might felt he got in an awkward position. I would like to know if I can do anything to repair my mistake about the callI made and if there is anything that can change the pattern with only one text a day? Thanks again!

    • Confused G - 0

      Confused G

      Hi again,

      He just answered my text that he read two days ago. He answered my questions and comments without making an effort to continue the conversation, meaning he didn´t leave any questions for me. It seems like he is trying to pull back slowly after my phone call (which he didn´t answered). I haven´t answered his last text yet, because I am unsure how to deal with the current situation to somehow overcome the mistake that I made by calling him. He knows my oral master defense is in a week and I have said that I am really busy with the preparation of it. I have already left his text unanswered for some days several times since I contacted him after the NC period. I have also rested from initiating contact which resulted in him sending a text after 4 days. Unfortunately I made the mistake of calling him the same day and made him take many steps back. The situation is somehow awkward between us now and I feel like he has gotten use to the situation where we don´t text for days, because I have done that several times now and now he is doing it too. What can I do to overcome my situation with him and how can I build rapport again? Should I text him that I am sorry if I made him uncomfortable and if so how can I express it?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok if you only get to talk once a day at first, as long as you had a good conversation..it’s ok to reply within the day even if the text he replied was days ago. Now, if you meant that he is just sending just one text literally, that means you have to work on your topics and not rushing.. reply to that text with question or something to keep the conversation going.. follow the tide theory so you have an idea on the number of texts you could aim for in a day.. and when to start and stop initiating.. you dont have to apologize because we’re not sure if he really uncomforable at that time or he was just really busy..check this for the tide theory:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

      if he’s really unresponsive after 4 attempts of initiating and him not replying or taking days to reply, then you have to move on..

  31. Janna - 0

    Janna

    Hi, i have been reading on no contact rules and i came across this website. My situation is quite different from the others. Mine is an LDR but purely internet. I am living in the Philippines and he is in the US. We met on a dating online site. We broke up before seeing each other, I mean I broke up with him last December. We were supposed to see each other February. He was willing to come but then i got scared for a time that things may go so deep. We never had a fight. I broke up with him as i was planning to migrate to another country than the US. I regret it ever since. I asked him to give us a chance the next day but he doesn’t even want to be friends. He said he wanted to do do some other things and to give him time. Last contact was December 7. I never heard from him since. Can the no contact still help me. I broke it 3 times but just random mails. no reply. is this still worth a try. or should i just let go. thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Janna,

      When did you actually broke up? You can still try it..

    • Janna - 0

      Janna

      Hi, thanks for replying. We broke up last December 5. He doesn’t even want to be friends. I haven’t heard from him ever since. its been almost 2 months. I tried to email him recently, just random email with no hint of me asking to get back together. just asking how he is. still no reply. Is there still a possibility to him to get back together? i still would want to give it a try but i dont want to appear desperate

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try again after two weeks..if he doesn’t reply, then move on..

    • Janna - 0

      Janna

      Thank you for the reply. I guess moving on is the best way this time. Do i still have to give it a try one more time? They say guys hate that. I just cannot believe that i wasn’t worth the second chance. But looking back maybe he wasn’t really ready and the break up was the best thing that could ever happen. I have a lot of things that i want to ask him though. Though i think i could not be able to do that in this lifetime. I may never even have the chance to really see him in person. Do they usually contact you for a while after the break up? Though honestly for me, I do not think that will happen. Thank you. I needed to hear that advice from someone else.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if asking him is what will give you closer, then ask.

  32. Nya - 0

    Nya

    Hi there so I need to know if I’m doing the right thing.

    Here we go….

    So me and my ex were friends in high school and lost contact after we graduated then recently last summer got back in contact & then have been in a long distance relationship for 3 months one thing he said was that he doesn’t like to put his personal business on social media and that he keeps everything low key now, I noticed this odd habit of his when he went to Washington he went missing on me for 3 days he didn’t contact me at all. Now a little after that I found out his ex lives in this state. Now I went to see him in Europe ( that’s where he lives ) for a few days when we were dating. while there ( I have a confession I went through his phone because something from the very beginning of our relationship was telling me something was off with him ) I saw that him and his ex were best friends on snap chat and they still keep in contact ( he told me that he casually stills talk to her though) but other than that, everything went great. When Christmas time came around he said he had to visit Washington where his cousin was at because he was having a baby. Later on through social media I learned that he went to see her they also went to the movies, gym and club together. On the day o found out I tried to call him and it rang then he shut off his phone -_- . He did try to call back the next day I didn’t pick up. He was there for 4 days then left 3 days before Christmas. He came here to the state we live in but was in a different city for Christmas reunion his family had there he seemed to be in his feelings like he was upset ( it definitely was directed at me ) . When he returned to the city we both live in. He contact me and so we talked I asked what all he did while he was in Washington and he didn’t mention anything about seeing the ex after me further asking him and he still won’t say I then told him of what I saw and heard about him seeing his ex. He then says he only ran into her at the movies and the because she is friends with his cousins sister which is a complete lie, later on that he asked me repeatedly to see him so I gave in and went to see him, that night we talked had fun and I slept with him, he was pushing for it so much even after I tell him my monthly is on it’s last day and I can’t but still end up happening ( which I regret ) . So I was completely disappointed and upset that he was lying to me about her. I decided then that I wanted to break it off with him because he is the type of guy to be in contact with all of his ex and keeps them around (why I have no clue ). He also appears to get attached to anyone he dates. Well now I came up with this idea instead of me breaking up with him I’m going to manipulate him into breaking up with me. I am very much so in love with him but what he was doing wasn’t right. So on New Year’s Eve I decided that’s when I’ll make him do it. During the conversation he was trying to make himself look like that “victim” because he doesn’t like people watching him and telling me what he was doing. Then he was saying how he was trying not to love me but it happened and he doesn’t want to break up. So I pushed more and he did it now after that he realized what he did and said that he felt like we jump in too fast and didn’t get to know each other enough and wanted to be friends first and work out way into being in a relationship. I turned him down completely on being friends and told him thank you for breaking up with me and that I don’t want to be friends with him, that to me that’s going backwards and that I’m not the type of person to be friends with my ex. ( which to be clear I’m not friends or keep in contact with any of my exs ). He keep trying to ask why we can’t be friends and I keep explaining and told him that nope that’s not what I’m doing so in the end he got angry and hung up the phone on me…

    Note: Him and his ex were in a two year relationship and broke up a year ago also he told me in the beginning that he doesn’t like posting a lot or putting his business out in social media.

    Now I started no contact immediately after we broke up &, three days later he FaceTime audio calls me then text me that was an accident and hope I’m doing well. I stupidly answered but then immediately went back into no contact I didn’t post on social media for a while. He realty post on social media before and during the time we dated now after we broke up he now post on socially media a lot… when I finally post a week after we broke up he viewed a my snap story but just one. Even though there were 3 I posted he then did the same thing the week after when I posted again only viewed one when there were a few. His birthday was a week ago and I didn’t wish him happy birthday still in no contact. Can you’ll explain to me how do you’ll view this situation and if everything I’m doing is right? Oh I do want him back but only dedicated to me…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nya,

      Yes, you’re on track with the no contact period.. It’s one thing that he bumped into her when he went to Washington, but it’s different if he’s always with her whenever he’s there and he disappears on the online world. It’s like there’s still something going on between them even if it’s not official and because it’s long distance, it doesn’t really push through. It’s like you’re the reserve.. I agree that if you want him back, he has to stop doing that and cut ties with the ex.

    • Nya - 0

      Nya

      Thank you so much. That cleared some things up. But one thing I noticed it looks like he continues to talk to her during the time he is getting to know or in a relationshig with someone. Like he is dragging her along because he is afraid that the new relationship won’t work out (because he has bad trust issues and she was something that he was use too). So i always thought that she was the reserve. He would give her little attention from time to time because he knows that she is in love with him and he keeps her on the back burner just in case. What do you think?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that can be right.. so you have to think if you will allow that..

  33. Wiktoria - 0

    Wiktoria

    I’m sorry for writing two similar comments but please just post the second one, I took my time to calm down and read/think of things and the second comment is more detailed and accurate.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok, I deleted the first one. how many days do you intend to do the no contact rule? It will be better that you dont tell him that you dont want a relationship, that you’re not expecting to be back together after the no contact rule because it sounds like you’re just trying to convince him and if you’re goal is to get him back then it could be confusing for him later on once you’re building up attraction..Just improve yourself during and after the no contact rule.. You have to look like you’ve moved on.. that after the no contact rule, you’re just being friendly.. Dont tell him you’re just being friendly, just do it.. Act like it..and then build more rapport and attraction slowly..

    • WIktoria - 0

      WIktoria

      Well i thought of doing like 2 weeks if i feel quite fine. If not then longer, just as long as i need to. Is it okay for me to say about my broken trust? Just when he asks why am I ignoring him. and is it okay if i say this part to him when having the conversation after nc “Listen It’s not about getting back to something, we’re not doing that. It won’t be the way it used to be before. I didn’t expect it from you. I don’t know why you said that you’re sorry that I was more sad than happy but you know it’s not true. As you said the real me is the smiling, laughing and talking, the excited one, that’s how I was.”

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you should do at least a month. It’s not convincing that you’ve moved on or starting to just after 2 weeks, especially if he knows how much you’re into him. And you will really not feel fine at first, that’s ok. It’s a process of healing improving. If he asks why you ignored him, tell him you needed to heal. Telling him right away that’s it’s because of your trust, may leave a bad impression and it can also say that you, talking to him now means you trust him again.

      If you tell him that talking to him is not about getting back together, when he’s not even asking if you wanted to be back together, sounds defensive. It’s ok to say that if he says he doesn’t want to get back together. And saying it won’t be the way it used to be before, definitely sounds like you wanted to get back together but that this time it will better than the last.

      I know it’s frustrating. But if you really wanted to convey you’ve moved on, you just act friendly right? You don’t have to explain anything, especially if he’s not asking for it. And it can become confusing for him because if you really want him to believe you don’t want to get back together then you will have a hard time building up attraction. Not like if he thinks you’ve naturally moved on, just being friendly, and then later on, he’s the one that’s building up feelings for you again. That way he will wonder if you still want to try again.

    • Wiktoria - 0

      Wiktoria

      He’s tagging a girl under some kind of pictures all of the time. It would be fine if not the fact that sometimes they actually hurt me, today it was “I wanna sleep in your arms” of course he tagged her in memes mostly but that one got me. Before we broke up I asked him if there’s anything between them because he started getting very close with her and they had a thing in past. He was really into her and she rejected him. I’m scared that there’s something between them but what can I do? I guess nothing. Asking him to just send these pics to her instead of tagging her isn’t the best idea. I’m in a really good mood mostly but whenever I see those things on my wall it just hurts me and ruins my mood. I try to remain positive after all but I’m worried that now that I’m not talking to him, he will focus on her and once he sees that she makes him happy, he will forget about me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      your posts are your indirect way of communicating..if he sees your posts, observes how you look now and what you do, would he think you’re better than the who you were and better than the other girl?

    • Wiktoria - 0

      Wiktoria

      Well he definitely sees that I’m much better. I’m trying to post something on my snap story each day, so he can see that I’m having fun with friends and I’m smiling. But I don’t know if I’m better than the other girl. I think that maybe yes but that’s what I’m scared of, that I’m not better. Also how do I tell him about my lost trust in a way after the nc, it’s important to me. How do I bring it and when?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      talk about that when you’re at the stage that you’ve rebuilt rapport..better if it’s in person..so, do it at meet up stage

  34. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Hello!

    My Ex and I were in a LDR for over 1.5 years while living on two different continents. During this period of time we’ve been with each other 3 times (12 weeks in total) and it has always been great. We’ve been talking about kids and getting married and in March he wanted to move back to Europe, so we could be together. In September last year I started a new job and he did too in October. It made things quite hard as we both didn’t have much time for each other anymore because of the time difference and the getting used to our new challenges at work. Plus he started a job where he works together with women a lot and many clients are women to and as he’s a very social person he became friends on social media with a lot of them. I never knew who they were and stuff so jealousy became a problem. Seven weeks ago he broke it off with me saying I deserve better and he doesn’t want me to wait for him anymore. He thought he could transfer to another store in Europe easily but it turned out that he would have to stay where he is right now until October and said that he doesn’t want to mess me around anymore and the fights and jealousy are just too much. However, of course I want him back because with him I really can see a future and whenever we’ve been together it’s just been perfect. He says he still loves me and that I’m all he ever wanted in this world but still isn’t willing to give it another chance. A few days ago he said he feels like he needs to be on his own and just think about things and he doesn’t know how long that’s gonna take but that’s what he feels. So for the last seven weeks I have of course made all the mistakes I shouldn’t have made…
    My question is now: Does it still make sense to do the no contact thing or is it too late for that now?
    I wanna do it now cause I’ve realised that our messages always circle around the same things and nothing changes. I don’t want his or my feelings to turn into something negative so I know I have to stop texting him now.
    It’s his birthday during the NC period but I won’t text or call or anything.
    Is it a good thing to post stuff on social media like photos of me going out and having fun or would it be better to not let him know anything about my life and my development at all?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna

      it’s ok to still do the no contact rule, if it doesn’t work then at least you know you’ve done what you can before moving on.. Yes, you should be active in posting in social media during nc period..

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      So you think chances are not very high that the nc will still work after such a long period of time?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think there’s still a chance but it will really be higher if you improve yourself. If he sees you’re moving on and improving massively, there’s a higher chance that he will regret the break up.

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Yes, I know that and I really want to do that because I’ve realised that in the past few weeks of our relationsship I’ve overreacted way too much and haven’t been much myself anymore.
      I know that I have improve myself massively cause even I don’t like who I’ve become during the past few months and I know that’s noe really me. I really want to improve and get back to the “real” me (the person he fell in love with) again but it’s quite hard for me at the moment to be socializing and going out a lot because my job is very demanding at the moment and I’m spending most of my weekends preparing for my very important job exams in March. I need to stay focused on that. So there’s not much chance of letting him know that I’m “mentally improving and moving forward” with posts and photos and stuff. Any advice here?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm..start at home.
      do 5 minute work outs, cook good meals or at least make it fun, watch good shows, listen to good music..

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Mhh.. Yeah but I’m doubting that photos of me reading a book or watching a tv show will make him think that I’m moving on or attract him…
      It’s day four of nc. Before starting nc o asked him to put the photos of our last trip together on Dropbox so I’d have them. He texted me two says ago telling me he’d do that and about how he’s not sure if it worked. And then a little bit later that they are online. I didn’t reply. And then yesterday he asked me if I got them. Didn’t reply either. He knew I got them cause you’ll get an email if someone is using the folder you’ve shared. Should I say anything though?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope.. let him be.. since you cant do much, whatever you do is still better than nothing..

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Hey,

      I need some advise.
      It’s day 10 of no contact today (he hasn’t texted or tried to call me since the last text he sent me ten days ago – a question i didn’t respond to it) and I was checking out his fb profile and noticed that he had deleted the photo of me and him out of his top five favourite pics and replaced it with a photo of him and another girl looking into each others eyes. I know that the photo is from end of October when he had been in a different city to do his training for the new job. So she’s a colleague from a store down there (so they don’t live in the same city). The photo had been taken in a bar and he got tagged in it but back in October I never saw this photo anywhere. So he must have changed the settings so I wouldn’d see it. But yesterday night he uploaded this one with her and it just killed me…
      The last few days I’ve been quite active on social media… uploaded a profile picture again, photos of me in the gym or at the movies and stuff… and yeah I don’t know if there’s something going on with her or maybe he just wants to provoke me to text him after posting this because this is definitely what I would normally do.
      I’m so confused. On the one hand I really really want to text him and ask him if this girl is the reason he broke up with me and why he is uploading this photo when he must know that it hurts me a lot (he always said after the break up that he doesn’t want me to get hurt and he only wants my best and still has bin caring and kind to me).. but on the other hand I don’t know if contacting him is the right way… I really really want him back but right now I don’t know where I stand at all…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s more likely to provoke you..so dont give in.. focus in yourself. Avoid checking his account

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Ok. Yeah I’ll try..it’s hard.
      Also it’s his birthday in about two weeks. No message right?
      I’m just afraid he might block me if he doesn’t even hear from me on his birthday.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, no message..check this:
      EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Hey.
      I broke the no contact rule two days ago on day 16.
      There was a girl he had been tagging a lot on fb. And when I checked her profile I found a photo of him and her lying in his bed together.
      I didn’t know her but she must be a girl he started his training with for the new job on October. She doesn’t live in his city. It shocked me so much to see this cause it made me.think that he had been cheating on me with her after I’ve left in September. Or that maybe he’s with her now even though he said he just wanted to think and be with his thoughts only…
      I was devastated and didn’t know what to do anymore. I felt so betrayed and the called him. He thought something had happend to me or my family and was really scared. When I talked to him about that girl he said right away that she and some other friends came to visit him last weekend and that’s where the photo was taken. He told me he’s still single and didn’t do anything with her. I don’t know. It could be a lie. But he said it right away. Told me.he was so sorry this photo made me feel that and that he never wanted that. And then he told.me lots of other stuff too. About how much he misses me and talking to me and seeing me on skype. That I have the most beautiful eyes in the world and by what he’s been saying I could tell that he checked what I’ve been doing on fb all the time cause he know about every post or comment… It really confused me cause I didn’t expect him to say such things… He even told me that sometimes he’s thinking about how maybe we’d have another chance when he moves back to Europe in october… We ended the call with him telling me.I should always always call or text him whenever I feel like it and me telling him to do the same.
      The next morning I woke up to a text to him telling me again how sorry he was about the pain he had caused me with that photo and he about how he never wanted me to feel this way..I replied telling him that it has been one of the worst moments in my life and that I’m glad I called him but that it’s scary how much his words can comfort me. He then replied that he thinks that’s a nice thing and he’s glad that he can still do this for me.
      Then yesterday he texted me again: you ok? Just seen you online 🙂
      I replied and the I wished him good night and he told me to have a nice day.

      So now I’m really confused and don’t know what to do next. No contact again? Try to create rapport? I really need some advise now. Btw it’s his birthday in five days.
      This is so confusing 🙁

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      see, he is cheking because it’s human nature to miss something were used to do or have.. hmm.. since he’s already replying positively, build rapport slowly and continue improving yourself

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Yeah that’s totally true.
      As advised in the how to text him section I sent four texts today talking about a tv show he really likes. He replied right away. Not overly enthusiastic but at least replied and I think it made him smile. Then I stopped the conversation after four texts. I want to keep going like this. Really short conversations at first.. about funny or positive things and stuff.. the thing is.. It’s his birthday next Wednesday. If things stay the way they are now do I call him or text him? What do I say? Am I just being friendly, wishing him a happy birthday and then that’s it?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just text and be friendly..since, you’re still at the building rapport phase

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Ok. I think I fucked it up already.
      As I said, yesterday it was really good, me trying to be funny and him replying right away and everthing…
      But then I’ve been a total idiot again today. Checked his profile again (I know I shouldn’d do this) and found out that he had changed his favourite quote into: Once you realise you deserve better, letting go will be the best decisio ever.
      And I just thought WTF? Is he really trying to tell me that he thinks he deserves better than me or that I’ve made him feel bad or anything.
      When actually he was the one that broke up because he said I deserve a lot better than him…
      Also he had changed his relationship information into “It’s complicated”…
      I couldn’t resist and texted him wanting to know what that quote means and if that what he feels about me.
      He replied telling me he has changed it a long time ago (I don’t think that’s true though but I can’t prove this of course). And I also asked him about his relationship status… He said he’s done that because he doesn’t want anyone to be thinking that he’s single because he just wants to be on his own.
      The moment I asked I felt stupid already… Why the hell did I even ask… But it’s always that moments when I think there’s someone else in his life that drive me crazy and make me act like an idiot…
      Oh well.. I hope I haven’t ruined it all.
      I’m not gonna text tomorrow or the day after and then on his birthday just send a short friendly text and then we’ll see… I’m so annoyed with myself…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      for me, you didnt.. he didn’t get angry..so, just continue on

  35. Dragana - 0

    Dragana

    Hi, me and my older boyfriend (12 year older) were together for one and a half year. We are from different countries. From the beginning we don’t let ourselves to miss each others. He was here for 2 weeks, one months, i was also going there… He is Greek I am Serbian. We try to live together so i moved there with him. The things there start to be not so nice like from the beginning . Isaw there his left character. and also I felt so alone there with no friends, no life, no nothing… i was with him but like without him…. he was doing his private work from morning till night. Ok my temperament is also not so nice i was waiting from him to be all time here for me because first at all he is 39 i am 26 and i was expecting from him to respect that i moved there for us. But in every fight he was telling to me very bad words like he wants me to go, how i am not doing nothing etc But he never and never really wanted me to go and i am sure that he still loves me. I think that he was expecting much more from me. I was the person who pack the things and left without to tell him. After when i pass the border i told him and also to inform him that the telephone that he gave me for to use my Greek number i took with me in any case on the road. He start to scream why i took his telephone. After one day he write me late in the night how he gave me food and home and i used him. I never wanted to use him. It have been past one month but i still want him back. I write him a lot of messages almost every day. I am sure that he loves me but his character is so hard and his ego is so big. One morning i try to call him, it was around 6-7 o clock and finally he write me message how he think that i am drunk and that i don’t know what i am doing, after he write me one more message how he think that i am out and drunk again and who knows with who am i and what else i am doing… how i am not shied to call him at this time… I was happy because finally he write me something but i was not out only i was crying all night. CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE HIM TO TALK … I HAVE PLANE TO GO THERE AND TO SEE HIM BUT I AM AFRAID OF HIM TO NOT ACCEPT ME AND TO BE FOOL AT THE END. p.s. sorry for my bad English 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dragana,

      it’s ok..I understood what you said.. are you going to do the no contact rule? Are you going to do the advice above? if you’re going to do the no contacy rule,.do at least 30 days

  36. Michelle - 0

    Michelle

    So my boyfriend Broke up with me very ubruptly up a month ago. It was all a bit back and fourth but then said he needed time more specifically a couple of months. Nothing was made clear other than he was having doubts about the relationship because of the distance and future and he’s devestated after 8 years of being together I now live in Rome for work and him in Norway.I called 10 days ago for clarity but heard blame and that I was pressuring him to make a decision pfffff (ball breaker). I have been doing the no contact rule for 10 days and he wrote to me, basically saying that he heard there were earthquakes in Rome that our UN agencies had been evacuated this past week and hoped me and the family were ok.

    Do I need to respond to this kind of message?

    Reply
  37. CDG - 0

    CDG

    My ex and I broke up last November 24, 2016, 6 days before he was supposed to go home to the Philippines and be with me again. That time he couldn’t give me a concrete reason on why he doesn’t want to go home. He just keeps on telling me that he’s not excited to go home and he wanted to be alone. I was shattered, I was looking forward to the day that we will be together again after 7 months of being away from each other. I was the one who broke up with him because I was angry, how can he suddenly decide not to come home. He did not agree with the break up at first and said he just needs some space. He wants to focus on his goals. I actually believed him. That time we still talk constantly, I know it was stupid but I just couldn’t let him go. I love him so much and I’m willing to do everything to fix our relationship. But then there’s this girl, I keep on telling him that I’m jealous of this girl because they are always together. He keeps on denying the obvious and told me I got nothing to worry about because he’s not yet ready to commit again. For a time he keeps on denying it until one day he told me that he is now getting know this girl but they are not dating. But I know for a fact that they are, because I see it in his and his friend’s social media accounts. I was so hurt that time and I asked him for a closure. He did not give me what I wanted, or I was puzzled about what he said. He keeps on telling me he loves me, he wants to focus on his goals and once he reached it he will fix everything between us. He is still coming home this May and he actually wants us to meet and talk. He is telling me that we should move on but he keeps on pulling me back, maybe he’s just confused like I am. Until last Wednesday, he went live on facebook, only to find out that it’s the new girl who’s taking the video. I know that she knows I’m watching, she keeps on laughing but they heard nothing from me. I blocked him on all my social media accounts and I am planning to do the NC rule. It’s suppose to be our second anniversary this coming January 28, I plan on ignoring him but I’m afraid he’ll just take this as a sign that I’m already moving on. I really love him, and I know it might be stupid but I want to fix everything between us. Please help me what should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cdg,

      why is he abroad? So you want to think you’re still waiting?

    • CDG - 0

      CDG

      He lives in Australia, we are in a long distance relationship.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      sorry for the type in the last message.. I mean do you want him to think you’re still waiting instead of doing the no contact rule?

    • CDG - 0

      CDG

      Yes but given the fact that he’s with a new girl now. I don’t know how long I can hold on, I want him back.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah,but chasing him will not do any better right? Does that put you in a better position than the other girl?

    • CDG - 0

      CDG

      I don’t want him to know that I am still waiting. What do you think I should do best?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s not the best option because it puts you on the chaser position which is unattractive and then he’ll probably take you for granted because he knows how much you’re hung up on him. Especially that you know that he has a new girlfriend now. Bluntly, it’s pathetic.. And don’t let them think you are. Start the no contact rule. Improve yourself, increase your value, get back your self respect and self esteem. If you want a guy to value you, you have to value yourself too..

  38. Kris - 0

    Kris

    Hi!
    My fiancé and I broke up around the first of December. It was completely unexpected. Our entire relationship (3years) had been long distance but I lived there over the summer and we were planning to move in together in a few months. I had been very stressed with school and other things happening and he was feeling unappreciated and unloved. He never told me these things so we could work on them. Our key fall back was definitely communication. The main reason he says we broke up is because he was unhappy. Since breaking up, he has said he wasn’t sure if he was ever in love with me, he has a feeling we aren’t right, and feels like I wasn’t trying in our relationship. He wanted space but I was very bad at giving it to him. We agreed to meet and I returned the ring the second week of December. We talked most days through December and early January. I have tried to implement NC, but it is extremely difficult. I did all the needy and desperate things you shouldn’t do initially. When I text him, he almost always responds and we have minimal conversation as long as it doesn’t turn to the relationship. When asked if there is a chance in the future he replies “idk, maybe”. We haven’t talked in probably 8-9 days now. He does not have any social media accounts, except snapchat. Is it even worth continuing to want it? Do you think there is a chance? How can I improve my chances without social media? Any advice would be great.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kris,

      social medianis your indirect way of showing your changes, so it would be better if you’re active in that even if he doesn’t have accounts because there is a possibility that he will check that when he gets curious.. I think there’s a chance.. try a 30 day nc rule first, rebuild rapport and attraction slowly after.. if it doesn’t work, then move on

  39. J - 0

    J

    he has clearly been active on all forms of social media but he is purposely not opening my message. i just feel like i know there is no chance in the future. hes been talking to someone else and even tho hes in the military right now and has limited access to communication only during free time/break can he have access to computers/phones….these past 3 weeks ive been actively going out, hanging with friends, etc. i started feeling better, went on dates with guys except it ended up being one night stands. it helped me forget for abit and i slowly started to move on….til i saw he was active on FB. part of me didnt get the excited feeling but i also wanted to say happy new yr. only to know he ignored it and didnt bother opening it. I just want a chance in the future in 1-2 years…..why is this so hard for him to change his mind….

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      because it’s too soon…dont engage in one night stands but so, far, its sti good that you’re starting to be active

  40. J - 0

    J

    i broke my 1 year NC its been 3 weeks since we talked….and said happy new yr today bc i saw he was active…………and i was the one who sent a long text telling him were not friends and hope a clean slate is good for us etc. if you remember me….he didnt reply back. did i mess up ????

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi J,

      hmm..it didn’t make it a better but I don’t it’s as bad as the previous actions that made the situation worse

  41. Wiktoria - 0

    Wiktoria

    For half year me and my boyfriend were broken up (we were together for almost 2 years and it was long distance), around 1-2 months ago we managed to get back together and we’re working on building a new strong and healthy relationship together. We both have changed and our communication has improved a lot lately. He asked (before we even got together) if he can come over and of course i agreed so since then we were trying to arrange it. It happened that i was going to visit him for some time so we talked about it and he seemed so excited and down for it. He was planning our date and talking about it, saying he misses me. But he always changed when i tried to get into actually doing something (in this case buying tickets). Tickets are on sale right now so around a week ago i told him to think of it all and tell me if it’s 100% ok that i’d be coming. He had time and i reminded him of it ( he has bad memory). He told me that there are things that scare him about it (because i was very worried that he is like that each time i bring this subject) like for example: he’s worried that he will disappoint me, that he may be feeling like we’re just friends, he’s scared of rumors starting again and his female friends (that he didn’t;t want to have relationship with) making lots of drama ( people were talking very badly about us when we dated, he was always protecting me and trying to fight for my “good name” but i understand that after a while he’s just tired and it brings him down a lot and scares). One day it was kind of the time he was supposed to give me an answer if i can come but he said he didn’t know, we talked and i told him that it’s really okay if he prefers to stay in when I’m there (he lives on a small island so it’s very easy to meet someone from his class and that could start rumors) because i understand that it’s still just the beginning and he is scared, not sure how to feel about somethings since we haven’t seen each other since the breakup and besides i would be staying for just a week. And there he changed his mind and hew went to talk with his parents (he’s 18 and I’m a little bit younger, his parents are very nice people that even talked to me when we were broken up, i don’t think there’s any problem with his family). When he came back he said that they’re saying i’m always welcome there but he still sounded sad so i asked what is it and he said he’s not sure of it. I was very emotional then so I told him that he has time until today to give me an answer (any kind, yes, no) and that i don’t have to be coming. I really regretted it later so i texted him saying that he shouldn’t have this kind of time limit and that it’s okay to be scared, that I’m too but im trying to calm down and keep myself busy. I think that he is kind of overthinking the whole thing and that’s why he’s so scared, i feel bad for giving him the time limit but otherwise i won’t be able to afford the tickets and he soon will be having driving test so it took all off his money. I know he really wants to see me, he went to work just before we talked about the tickets thing, he did it to get at least a little bit money when i’m there. I’m not sure what to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Wiktoria,

      what did he say after you took back the time limit?

    • Wiktoria - 0

      Wiktoria

      He spent a day with a friend so we talked in the evening. Meanwhile we texted very shortly and it was chill. He called me when he got home and i waited a moment to see if he gives me an answer, when he didn’t do that I just asked for it. He said he’d forgotten and that he didn’t see the message until some specific time and then he couldn’t text me. I reminded him that he was actually talking to me and he could have said something then. I made it clear to him that it’s important to me he remembers to say it because that’s not the first time he forgets very important stuff and honestly I feel like he’s just screwing with my words sometimes. If I ask him to do something I expect him to actually do it and not just ignore or forget. He says it’s due to his bad memory (he’s right most of the times it is and I remind him about many things but I’m worried that this time it wasn’t) I told him that I’m okay with reminding him of things but he needs to ask me to. I told him that I’m annoyed in a way because I told him to set an alarm or make a note if he knows he’s gonna forget. He apologized and yesterday and today was really trying. I think that he did it because he is scared of me coming there so he avoided the subject in that way. I’m not mad anymore and neither was I for a long time. I understand why he’s like that but I’d like to find a way to help him overcome it…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try the no contact rule..because if you keep asking or pushing, you’re looking like you’re nagging him

    • Wiktoria - 0

      Wiktoria

      What if I don’t want the no contact? I’m not trying to push it anymore. I’m trying to accept it and just let him be but is there any way to help him open up maybe a little more? Because that seemed to be the problem in his opinion.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm, if you’re not going to push it and not going to do the no contact rule, does that mean you want to move on? because keeping in contact, means you’re still expecting, which what he probably thinks too.. check this one:
      The Ungettable Girl

    • Wiktoria - 0

      Wiktoria

      He broke up with me. He texted me “Hey, so to be honest i dont feel like we can continue it, I just can’t get back to it, to me it feels more like a friendship, I really appreciate all you have done all the sacrifices and pain. I appreciate all that has happened the past time,. I’m amazed by you”. ( he also said that in future we could be seeing sometimes) I’ve started the nc as soon as possible and I did say that I would rather wait for him, take my time and figure things out, that’s it’s hard to feel like it’s a relationship when we haven’t seen each other in a while and that I want him to think of it again and that I want to meet anyways as friends at least, i shouldn’t have said that (he said we will but I feel like those are just empty words). He tried to reach out to me by these little messages like “hi”, “good morning” which of course I ignored. Every breakup felt like a sudden decision of his. He was telling me that if something will be wrong he will tell me (he knew that this happening again so suddenly was my fear) but when the day earlier I asked he said it was all good between us. He didn’t act strangely. We had a rough week because I was very emotional due to period and stress in school but he knew it and also knew that I’m trying and it’s not always I’m that emotional. Since I know that at some point he will ask why am I not texting back, I thought it would be a good idea to text him back once and tell him that I need some space because I need to think of it all, that I’m having trust issues now since he broke the promise (he knew it was important and it was also his idea). Then I would be back on nc and when I feel ready I would talk to him and maybe let him know how things really are for me. I thought of saying something like ” Am I important to you? (Here he probably says yes) Listen It’s not about getting back to something, we’re not doing that. It won’t be the way it used to be before. I don’t expect it from you and neither do I want that. I don’t know why you said that you’re sorry that I was more sad than happy but you know it’s not true. As you said the real me is the smiling, laughing and talking with excited one, that’s how I was. You said yourself that you were missing me (earlier when we broke up), you asked if you can come here (before we even got together). Let us see what happens, I will work on my trust and you will work on things too. I love you but I’m not in love with you. I know there’s something between us but to be honest I just can’t let the full potential of me or us appear because I haven’t seen you. I haven’t seen you in so many months. I don’t blame you for not feeling something crazy for me because man I don’t feel this way about you right now either. Let’s not decide of anything, no relationship for now, just keeping it chill, let’s meet and have some fun then we’ll see how things are.
      Think of it, doesn’t it make sense?”
      Of course when I would be telling him that, it would be much shorter and I would cut out some parts. Those were just some of my thought that I have written down. Then I would either talk to him from time to time and keep it seriously chill, no pushing or I would be back on nc and then when I’m ready, talking to him chill and patiently waiting for his answer.
      I’m focusing on my friends and having fun rn.
      Please tell me if there’s something more I could do and what I should and shouldn’t do. I will be thankful for all kind of tips.

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