Long distance relationships are hard. Getting an ex back who you had a long distance relationship is even harder. Today, I am going to tackle this very complex subject and give you a set of actionable steps you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your relationship back. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning that this page is probably going to end up being the second longest in the history of this site. A lot of people have contacted me directly begging for a page like this so I took a lot of time to research and brainstorm a plan for getting an ex back in this specific circumstance.

Before I really get started I want to mention that while this guide is probably one of the most in-depth ones ever created about long distance relationships it pails in comparison to the training I put together for you below.

In other words, if you want even more personalized and in-depth information I recommend checking this out,

What Are Long Distance Relationships?

long distance relationship

What a stupid question right? I mean, you don’t really need to know what a LDR (long distance relationship) is right?


In this section we are going to define long distance relationships and talk about the different kinds of LDR’s that exist in today’s society.

Long Distance Relationships- A specific type of relationship where the couple is separated by a considerable amount of distance.

The keyword in that definition is “considerable.” You might be shocked to learn that a lot of people who I have communicated with as a result of this site think they are in a LDR because they live an hour away from their partner. That is simply not true. In my mind, a true long distance relationship is one where you are separated by states, countries or even oceans. That is where the word “considerable” comes into play. A considerable amount of distance to me has to be a minimum of 500 miles.

Now, lets talk a little about the different kinds of long distance relationships that currently exist.

The Marriage LDR

This is always a tough one to deal with. In this long distance relationship the couple in question is married. Perhaps at one time they even lived together. However, a certain set of circumstances have caused one of them to relocate (a considerable amount of distance away.) Now, since this page is dealing specifically with ex boyfriends don’t let that fool you, this page can work for married couples who have broken up as well.

The Move Away LDR

This is another one of those stories I hear way too often when it comes to long distance relationships. Here is how this one works. Basically, a couple is dating and doing fine. However, after time one of the couple members are presented with an opportunity that causes them to move away for a considerable distance (or in some cases they are forced to.) If you and your ex are in a situation like this then this page can work for you.

The “Few Months” LDR

Believe it or not but I have actually dealt with a lot of women in this exact predicament. How this type of long distance relationship works is pretty simple. A couple is dating and due to a certain set of circumstances one of them has to relocate (very similarly to the marriage LDR above.) Of course, there is one BIG difference. Instead of relocating indefinitely the person that relocated is only going to be gone for a few months. If you and your boyfriend have broken up and have a very similar story to the “few months” LDR then this page can definitely work for you. However, you might also want to check this page out too.

The Internet To Person LDR

This is an interesting type of relationship. Initially, you met your (now ex boyfriend) online and that led to you meeting in person. The thing is though, when you met online you were separated by a considerable amount of distance and even today you are separated by a considerable amount of distance.

If this sounds like your situation then this page can pretty much help you out a lot!

The Strictly Internet LDR

This is the ONE type of long distance relationship that is probably the most challenging of long distance relationships. In this type of relationship the two of you have never met in person, engaged in Face time or spoken on the phone. You have only met online and pretty much kept things that way.  While I won’t say the deck is stacked against you, because I have seen examples of these types of relationships eventually flourishing once the couple gets some traction and eventually talk to each other and meet.  It is challenging for such a couple to overcome some of the built in obstacles with this kind of singular interaction unless they eventually agree to connect with each other in other ways.  So it’s not impossible for this to work, but certainly it is natural for a couple to want to interact and engage with each other in many ways in order to flush out their degree of compatibility.

Essentially what I am saying is if you find yourself on this relationship track – think about moving it along to the Internet To Person LDR that I described above. Then follow the advice that I am about to outline for you.

What It Takes To Have A Successful Long Distance Relationship

successful LDR

You failed..

That’s why your here right?

I’ll admit, long distance relationships are hard. In fact, I find them so hard that I don’t personally think I can enter one. Well, I suppose I should never say never but I am generally not a fan of them for one specific reason. If I am dating someone I want to be able to see them IN PERSON. However, a lot of people aren’t like me when it comes to long distance relationships. In fact, some people can thrive on them. One of my best friends dated his girlfriend (long distance) for two years and they are still together today. So, it is possible to have a happy ending.

Anyways, back to the point. If you are here it is most likely because you and your ex had a long distance relationship but you are now broken up. Whatever the reasons may be for the breakup the two of you are not together anymore. That means you couldn’t make the long distance relationship work.

Look, no one is blaming you. I just stated above I couldn’t do it so my hats off to you for even trying. Nevertheless, you are here because you want your ex back and you are willing to do whatever it takes. I thought it might be a good idea to figure out what makes a successful long distance relationship so you know what you need to do the second time around (assuming you are able to get your boyfriend back.) So, I did a lot of research and came up with the following qualities that are constant among successful LDR’s.

(For more in-depth information on getting a long distance ex boyfriend back please visit this page.)

Doing Things Together Over The Phone

One of my best memories in high school is talking on the phone with girls. You see, when I went to high school texting hadn’t become as big as it is now. Add in the fact that I didn’t even have text messaging and you are left with someone who actually had to go “old school” and call girls for dates. I remember staying up so late at night and literally talking until a girl would fall asleep on the phone with me.

Every successful long distance relationship has this type of element to it. A tireless ability to talk on the phone for hours. Of course, couples in long distance relationships take things a step further by actually doing things together on the phone. Common examples include:

  • Watching a favorite television show together. (Netflix is great for this 😉 )
  • Cooking together on the phone.
  • Playing a board game together.

Communicating On A Daily Basis, NO MATTER WHAT!

Another quality that successful LDR couples have is that they talk every single day. Now, there is a difference between stalking and communicating. Unsuccessful LDR’s usually have one couple member constantly freaking out over what the other one is doing. There has to be some trust involved or else your whole relationship will fall apart.

Technological Face Time

We live in a world of electronics and smart phones. I mean, for god sakes there is an entire section of this website dedicated solely to texting. For a couple separated by distance it is imperative that you take advantage of such electronic inventions.

We have already established that successful couples are always communicating with each other via a phone. Ah, but there is a problem with a phone. While you can hear the person talking on it, it is impossible to see their face. Well, with inventions like Skype or “FaceTime” this is no longer a problem. You can communicate with someone face to face over the phone.

Actually, the first time I heard about Skype was from a buddy of mine who was dating a girl that had left for college across the country. I remember him telling me that they skyped every single day and it had helped a lot to maintain the closeness that both of them were so vigorously craving.

ACTUAL Face Time

While things like Skype and FaceTime are fantastic tools for maintaining a technological closeness with your significant other nothing can beat actually seeing them in person. The feelings you feel, the ability to actually hold someone in your arms and do “other” things is part of the total package when you see someone in person. I don’t care what you say, in my mind nothing beats seeing someone you care about in person.

Every and I mean EVERY long distance relationship that has stood the test of time has a member taking time out of his/her schedule to see the other member in person. Now, that also presents us with an interesting problem…

You Have To Have Money (or EXTREME Budgeting Skills)

This point kind of goes hand in hand with the one above, in order to see your significant other someone in the relationship has to be willing to shell out the $’s. I can’t tell you how many women I have communicated with on this site whose LDR failed because someone wasn’t willing to fork over the money when the break came in schedules to see each other.

No relationship can survive if the two people never see each other. Speaking of things that relationships can’t survive without…

Phone Sex

This may be a little controversial but this is my firm belief, no relationship can survive without sex.

So, that leaves you in a really bad spot when you first embark on a long distance relationship. I mean, what are you supposed to do?

Enter phone sex!

My friend (who I have mentioned a couple of times already on this page already) is one of the few people I know who has made a long distance relationship work. Let me give you his statistics. He has been dating his girlfriend for about five years (two of which were long distance.) When I asked him how he did it, how he could bear being away from his girlfriend that long he muttered two simple words.

“phone sex”

He told me that without phone sex he would have broken up with her. I have no statistics to back up the claim I am about to make but I think women can go without sex longer than men can. A point will eventually come where men, who have been on a “dry spell,” will start to wander else where. So, in order to combat a mans wandering eyes you have to actually schedule “phone sex sessions.”

Is It Even In Your Character To Do A LDR?

LDR meme

In the section above I described some of the characteristics/ things that all successful long distance relationships have. Now, lets not get in over our heads here, LDR’s are very hard. I am not going to lie to you, most long distance relationships I have dealt with fall apart because they require an extreme amount of patience and dedication.

I wanted to put this section on this page for one simple reason, I want YOU to know if you are cut out for a long distance relationship. There are certain people that just can’t do it. It isn’t in their character to do it. If you are one of those people don’t feel too bad. At least you have learned something about yourself.

Lets start with the type of women that ARE cut out for LDR’s.

Types Of Women Who Are Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You enjoy talking on your phone.
  • You don’t mind talking on your phone in public.
  • You have experience emailing, texting and calling on the phone multiple times a day.
  • You don’t mind going to new place and having experiences
  • You are a patient person.
  • You DON’T have any kids.
  • You are a phone sex goddess.

Ok, now that we have the “good qualities” for LDR’s out of the way lets focus on people who aren’t cut out for it.

Types Of Women Who Are NOT Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You hate talking on the phone.
  • You are not a constant emailer or texter.
  • You are very impulsive.
  • You are not patient.
  • You are not a fan of traveling.
  • When you talk you use a lot of body language to get your points across.
  • Deep down you aren’t willing to put in the work a LDR requires.

What I am about to say is really important so I want to make sure that you are listening because I am about to give you the key to knowing if a LDR with your ex boyfriend could possibly work if you get back together. Take a look at the two lists I created above. Essentially I gave you the qualities that you need to have in order to be willing to have a LDR. In addition, I gave you the qualities that you can’t have if you are going to do a LDR.

Now, I know you read those lists and immediately thought to yourself:

“I have ALL of the good qualities.”

Well, that is really great and all but you are only HALF the equation. In case I missed something I think that a relationship involves two people. When it comes to long distance relationships your man has to have the “good” qualities I listed above for you to have a shot at making this work. I want you to think really hard and figure out if you think HE has what it takes to make a LDR work.

The Headwind You Have To Face In A LDR


While you are figuring out that little nugget of knowledge I gave you in the section above lets talk about some of the things you have working against you in a long distance relationship. You see, in order to get your ex boyfriend back if there is a considerable amount of distance separating you right now it is important to discuss all of the things that you have to overcome.

Just a word of warning, this section may be a little depressing. Don’t get too down though because I am going to give you the tools to combat all of this headwind later in this article. For now though, lets talk negatives.

Headwind #1- You Can’t Talk To Your Significant Other In Person

A normal relationship usually goes something like this:

Billy and Sally love each other. They live about 30 minutes from one another but spend time every single day together. They text, call and do all the things that are supposed to happen in a normal relationship

A long distance relationship probably goes like this:

George and Jeanie love each other. They are separated by two states. They do their best to call each other every day but their schedules are so busy that they sometimes forget to. The distance causes problems mostly because they haven’t seen each other in person in two months.

Make no mistake about it, being able to see someone you care about in person is a distinct advantage that regular relationships have over long distance ones.

Headwind #2- Touch and “Other Things ;)”

No hugging..

No kissing…

No holding hands…


When I date someone I expect to do all of the above. Of course, I am a guy so being able to “touch” a woman is high up there on my list. What it all boils down to is that when you are physical with someone it provides a sense of security and togetherness that you just can’t make up over long distance. No doubt about it this is some serious headwind that you are going to have to figure out a way to overcome.

Headwind #3- No More Dates 🙁

I like dates!

I like the nervous feeling I get before I take a girl out for the first time. I like it all and I am not alone in this. While some guys will say they hate dating I think most of us enjoy them a lot more than we let on. When you are in a long distance relationship there are no more dates. Sure, maybe once a month one of you comes to see the other person. However, I am talking about the every week dates that happen when you are dating someone. In a LDR that just isn’t possible and as a result you are missing out on important bonding time that could further cement your relationship.

Headwind #5- Missing Out On Birthdays Or Other Special Occasions

Tell me if this story sounds familiar.

Billy and Sally are in a long distance relationship. For three straight months they have been an unbearable distance away from each other. Sally is having a birthday that Billy desperately wants to attend… only he can’t because of the distance.

Another negative of LDR’s is that you cannot attend your significant others birthday in person. Sure, you may give him a call but ultimately you can’t be there in person. Oh, but I am not only talking about birthdays here. Lets say that one person gets sick and you aren’t able to be there for them. What if a pet gets hurt, a child’s first step or word? These are all very important bonding moments in a relationships life and you could be missing out on them.

Headwind #6- The Commute

Lets fast forward for a minute and pretend that you and your ex boyfriend got back together. You implemented the steps on this page and are reunited ;). Well, in order to keep your relationship alive you have agreed that you will commute to see each other more in person. There is just one problem, you are having trouble agreeing on who should commute to who. If handled incorrectly this negotiation (for the commuted) could cause a strain in your relationship.

Headwind #7- Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

I saved this one for last for a reason, because it is the number one killer of long distance relationships.

Women tend to cheat for emotional reasons. Mostly because men aren’t giving them what they need emotionally.

Men on the other hand cheat because they get horny. I know it is a sad thing to hear but it is true. If a man is in a committed LDR there are going to be certain “dry spells” where he won’t be getting any. These dry spells will make that man horny and he will be more likely to cheat because of that.

Adding insult to injury, it is likely you won’t have any clue because the two of you are separated by so much distance.

What To Do After A LDR Breakup

crazy breakup girl

So, you and your ex broke up… now what?

You clearly want him back but are completely unsure on how to approach things because there is a great distance separating you. Not to mention all of the headwind I talked about above..

So, what are you supposed to do?

In my experience there are really only two ways things can go now.

  1. You can beg to be taken back essentially turning into a text or phone gnat (annoying your ex.)
  2. You can implement a no contact rule and work on evolving while the dust settles from the breakup fallout.

Option two please!

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back Again With Our Step By Step Guide To Getting Your Ex Back

Learn More

The No Contact Rule

A lot of people ask me “will the no contact rule work if I was in a long distance relationship?”

You bet your butt it will. Admittedly, it will be more effective if you and your ex were used to talking to each other every single day. However, even if that wasn’t the case I would still recommend doing the no contact rule. Now, before I get into the nitty gritty lets talk a little about what the NC rule is.

The No Contact Rule A set period of time where you will not text, call, email, facebook, google plus, snap chat, skype or talk to your ex in any way shape or form.

In your case I am going to recommend that you do a NC rule for 30 days. That means that you have to stay in NC for an entire month without any slip ups. If you do slip up and talk to your ex then you are going to have to start over from day 1 again.

Why The NC Rule Works

I received an interesting email yesterday. One of my visitors was reading through the site and found solace in a paragraph on one of the pages. The paragraph was all about the guys perspective during the NC rule. Essentially describing why the NC rule can be so effective.

Since that person emailed me wanting to know more about the guys perspective during the NC rule I figured everyone would so I wanted to put this section in.

IF the no contact rule is implemented correctly and works here is what will happen in a guys mind:

Day 1: “I bet she is the one who breaks first and contacts me.”

Day 2: “Yea, she will definitely be the one who reaches out first.”

Day 3: “Why isn’t she reaching out?”

Day 6: “WTF is going on?? She was supposed to talk to me by now.”

Day 10: Your ex boyfriend will send out a text message checking up on you. Of course, you won’t respond to it.

Day 11: “Ok, now I am mad.. I can’t believe she ignored my text.”

Day 12: He will call you, which you will of course ignore.

Day 13: “That B&*ch, how could she do this?”

Day 15: “I totally hate her..”

Day 25: He will send out another text which you will ignore again.

Day 26: “That is it.. she is the scum of the earth…”

Day 30: You send out your first text to him and he literally runs around like a little girl filled with excitement.

What You Do During The NC Rule Is The Most Important Thing

funny bench

This is where a lot of people who come to this site fail. They think if they try out a 30 day no contact rule that all of their problems are over. After the thirty days their ex will just come running back into their arms. Sorry Charlie but it doesn’t work that way. While a part of the NC rule is for your ex a big part of it is for you.

What you do during the 30 days is essential to getting your ex back. Remember, this isn’t a vacation and if you want him back you have to be willing to put int the work. Now, people in long distance relationships have a pretty good advantage over normal relationships when it comes to this section.

Usually, with a normal relationship I recommend that women evolve during the 30 days into basically the hottest version of themselves that ever existed. That means, women in normal relationships have 30 days before they potentially could see their ex in person. While a lot can happen over the month I am not entirely sold on a life changing transformation happening in that amount of time. Where you have the advantage is the fact that it could be months before you even get to see your ex. While you may look at that fact and frown I tend to take the opposite approach.

The fact that it could be months before you see your ex in person just means that you have more time to prepare, more time to knock his socks off when he sees you.

I recommend picking up my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for ideas on how you can change both mentally and physically during the NC period.

The Mindset You Need To Have During No Contact

Sometimes in order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.

Women who understand this tend to do really well when it comes to getting an ex back. If you are an avid reader of this site then you will find the next phrase I am about to say all too familiar. Men want the unattainable. We want what we can’t have and since I am assuming that you want your ex boyfriend back really really badly right now he is sensing that he can have you.

Here is your main problem. Right now, you aren’t willing to walk away to get him back. I will never forget the time when I was a little boy and went with my dad to watch him negotiate for a car at a car dealership. The thing about my dad is that he is always prepared when it comes to these types of things. He did a lot of research and had what he thought was a fair price in mind. So, when the time came to haggle over the price the car salesman and my dad went back and forth. They haggled and haggled and haggled until my dad determined that he wasn’t going to be getting the price he wanted.

So, my dad did what you are supposed to do in these circumstances. In the middle of the negotiation he literally got up and said “Chris, come on we are leaving.” It took about ten steps before we heard a “wait, come back” from the car salesman. That little tactic just won my dad the negotiation as he got his price.

In this case it was “sometimes in order to get the car you have to be willing to lose the car.”

The Contact Guide For LDR’s

talk to me goose

Ah, now we are getting somewhere. In this section I am going to give a pretty in-depth game plan that you should follow when talking to an ex who you were in a long distance relationship with. Now, before I really dive in here I do want to mention that the ONLY time that you should begin this “contact guide” is when you have completed the 30 day no contact rule that I talked about so much above.

You are about to find out that the rules are just a little bit different when it comes to contacting an ex in a long distance relationship.

What Is Different About Contacting An LDR Ex Vs. A Normal Ex?

  • It is all about setting up a date where you see each other in person.
  • You are allowed to use things like Skype and FaceTime BUT only when I specify below.
  • You SHOULD take a little more time to build rapport with your ex.
  • IF you do succeed in reuniting you have to find ways around the headwind I talked about above.

Ok, enough talking. Lets get to the good stuff.

Your First Contact After NC

Before I dive in to the first contact text message I just want to make you aware that the example texts found below aren’t going to be enough for you. Inevitably you will always want more examples which is why I created The Texting Bible.

So, if you want to up your “texting game” I suggest you take a look at it. Especially since it’s such a vital part of getting an ex back in an LDR.

The first contact you have with your ex should be done via a text message like I recommend throughout my site.

What’s my best advice for sending out a first contact text message? Simple, make it so intriguing that he will have no choice but to respond to it. You should be planning your text message throughout the NC period. I would like to recommend that you run it through what I like to call the first contact text.

Remember, your first contact text message has to be so intriguing that he will have no choice BUT to respond.

So, before you send out any text you should ask yourself “is this intriguing enough for him to respond 100% of the time?”

Ah, but there is another key to first contact text messages that I am leaving out. They have to fill your ex up with a positive memory about you. You don’t have to send him anything controversial to accomplish this. If I was you I would try something like this:

faith first contact

(For more text examples like this please visit The Texting Bible.)

Lets say you sent this exact text and get a response from him, what then? Well, then I would like you to simply end the conversation with something like

“Marie just showed up, I have to go but I will talk to you later :).”

The key with sending a first contact text message to a LDR isn’t to try to get him back. It’s to test him to see if he will be receptive to talking.

The Random Meme

I love internet memes.

In fact, I have an app on my iPhone that is actually JUST for memes. Whenever I get bored I start looking through the memes and just have a good laugh.

What is a meme you ask?

Hmm… I am not sure I can really define them in words. It is better if I just show you.

The Buffy Meme

buffy meme

The Photoshop Meme

photoshop meme

The Superman Meme

superman meme

As you can see, memes are meant to be light and funny. They are the type of things that will go viral in the blink of an eye. If you search the internet there are literally hundreds of thousands of memes out there. What I want you to do is send your ex a text with one of these memes (you pick what you think if funny around the internet.)

You are testing to see if he will respond. If he does respond then you are going to engage him in a very light conversation. You don’t want to engage him in any relationship talk yet. Sending out the “random meme text” is more to test him to see if he is responsive when talking to you. After you engage him for a while I then want you to end the conversation. It is important that YOU end it because it puts you in a position of power and will hopefully leave him wanting more.

If he doesn’t respond to your “meme” then that just means you have to go back into NC for about a week before you try texting him again.

The Remember The Good Times Text Message

If you are familiar with my monster 10k word post on how to get your ex boyfriend back then you should be familiar with this text message. With this text message you are really trying to get your ex boyfriend to remember some of the good memories you had together. So, I want you to brainstorm and list all the special memories you had together. These have to be memories that you know for a fact that your ex enjoyed.

Now, I do feel it is important to point out that you can’t use any sexual memories or anything of that nature yet. The memories you pick have to be strictly PG rated. I would try something like:

swarm of bees text

(Again, if you want more in-depth information on texting I suggest you pick up The Texting Bible.)

Notice how I chose a bonding experience in the above example. The closer you felt together during an experience the better it is. Also, another little nugget of knowledge I can give you is to make sure you use a lot of details. You don’t want to use so many details that you end up having to send 3 texts. However, try to include as many details as possible.

Now, lets assume that he responds to your “remembering the good times” text. What I want you to do is engage him in a conversation. Text him for around 3-5 hours that particular day. Once those 3 hours are up I want you to just not respond. End the conversation by not responding. Remember, our mantra here is to always leave him wanting more.

Let’s Sprinkle In A Little Jealousy

Jealousy can be a very powerful emotion. I have found that couples have gotten back together on jealousy alone. While I don’t recommend getting back together with someone b/c they are jealous and don’t want to see you with anyone else I do think it is ok to sprinkle in a little jealousy to remind your man what he is missing out on.

Of course, you do have a small problem since you were in a long distance relationship with this person.

How are they supposed to see you with someone else initially making them jealous? Well, they can’t but don’t worry I have found a way around this. It is called Facebook! Actually, I don’t want to dive in too deeply here because I already created a post that will help you pimp out your Facebook profile and I cover jealousy in there too!

As far as using jealousy directly with your ex via a text message the key here is to be subtle. Here is an unknown fact about this site, did you know that I actually get men contacting me? Yes, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a site dedicated to women. However, every once in a while there is a man that will reverse engineer the process and wind up on this site because he wants his ex girlfriend back.

A few months ago I had one particular man that really wanted his girlfriend back. He wound up on my site and figured that jealousy was the best way to accomplish this goal. There was just one problem, he didn’t read my warning:

You have to be subtle when you use jealousy directly.

He ended up telling me that he sent his ex girlfriend a text like this:

“I just went out with a really hot waitress last night!”

You can imagine how well that went over with the ex. The key to pulling off a jealousy text isn’t to actually tell your ex that you are out with someone new, it is to plant the idea in their head and let their minds run wild with all kinds of assumptions. One of my favorite ways to accomplish this is by sending a “romantic movie text”

romantic movie text

There are a couple of things I want to go over now. The reason this text is amazing at making an ex boyfriend jealous is that it is so subtle that your ex has to make all kinds of assumptions.

Romantic movie? Was she on a date?

A friend? Was this a guy friend?”

Time To Kick Things Up A Notch

Who doesn’t love a compliment? Let me rephrase that. Who doesn’t love a compliment from the opposite sex. One of my friends said it best:

I don’t care what she looks like, as long as I am getting compliments I am doing things right.

I don’t think you women realize the amazing effect that they have on men. Personally speaking, I am one compliment from the opposite sex away from having a great day. Oh, and I am one put down from the opposite sex to having a bad day. If you are going to compliment your ex boyfriend who you were in a long distance relationship with you have to be really careful.

Part of the reason that I made you jump through all those texting hoops in the previous section (first contact, meme, etc) was to kind of butter your ex up for this type of a text message. I want you to send him a compliment. Yes, it is a risk and you could fall flat on your face but in the end fortune favors the brave so it is time to be brave.

This compliment has to be different though. You have to be detailed and you have to send it at the right time. I recommend sending it when the two of you are in an emotional texting conversation. Here is an example I would use:

compliment text

This is kind of do or die for you. What you are looking for here is a positive response. Ideally, you want him to say more than “thank you.” You want a really positive response and perhaps even get him to compliment you. I would end the conversation after you send this text though no matter what.

Remember, always leave him wanting more.

I Miss You..

Assuming you have progressed this far you are in really good shape. Now it is time to heat things up just a little bit more. After you have gotten very positive responses on all the previous texts I want you to send a “I miss you” text message. This can’t be a simple “I miss you” though. You have to dress it up and kind of make it seem like you aren’t saying “I miss you.”

How do you do that?

Simple, you add lots and lots of details.

Take a look at the example below:

i miss you

(Lots and lots of texts huh? Well, I have 250+ more examples waiting for ya 😉 .)

Notice how that is nothing more than just a really complicated way of saying “I miss you.” You essentially dress the “I miss you” up in details that it doesn’t seem like you are missing your significant other. Obviously, you are looking for another positive response from your long distance partner here. If he responds in a positive way you can move on to the next section.

The Skype of FaceTime Call


(Disclaimer: if you don’t have Skype or FaceTime then you can skip on to the next section.)

If you were in a long distance relationship then I am sure you are pretty aware of what Skype and FaceTime are. If not, they are essentially video software you can download to your smartphone (or computer) that will let you talk to the person face to face electronically.

It is essentially a step above texting. If you have progressed to this point of the page then that means you and your ex are ready to talk in person again (kind of ;).)

I want you to initiate a skype call where you kind of lay your cards out on the table. I want you to finally have an in-depth talk about your relationship. No, you aren’t asking him if he wants to get back together. I just want you to discuss your relationship and any feelings that you may be having for each other still.

Some key points for the Skype/FaceTime call

  • Be very confident.
  • Be very pleasant and happy.
  • DO NOT lose your temper.
  • Try to remain calm about everything.
  • Smile a lot.
  • Make sure you look amazing.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell interesting stories.

The Call (Duh Duh Duhhh..)

I ONLY want you to do this IF the skype call went extremely well. This is it! This is where you are going to try to see your ex in person again. Everything up until this point was just to prepare you for this moment. No pressure though haha ;).

Alright, you are going to make a phone call to your ex and see if you can set up a date where you two can see each other. Since there is long distance involved one of you is going to have to agree to come see the other one. I would actually recommend that YOU be the one that comes to him. That will require you to clear your schedule and have some extra spending cash which is why I want you to call him and let him know (to see if he digs the idea or not.) If he does then you are in! Great job.

If not, then that means you need to reenter NC for a while and try again later. Perhaps do a better job of recreated attraction during the text message portion. For that, I recommend checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

So, that’s it. A kind of condensed version of getting your ex boyfriend back if you are in a long distance relationship. I realize there will be a lot of questions since I did leave out some stuff. If you have any questions feel free to comment in the comments section below.

5,173 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

  1. Avatar


    November 16, 2019 at 6:28 pm

    What if my ex online boyfriend doesn’t text me at all during these 30 days of applying NC rule because I told him I didn’t wanna talk to him anymore?
    Should I be waiting for him to text first?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 18, 2019 at 9:02 pm

      Hi Sara so it does not matter if your ex reaches out or not during your NC what DOES matter is you not talking to them for 30 days and working on yourself in that time. Then you reach out on day 31 with a nice friendly text to start a short conversation.

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    November 14, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    I was with my boyfriend for 3 years in lreland, when he decided he wanted to go to Canada. I was not surprised as he always expressed his interest in travel. I am unable to work in Canada so he decided he’d go for 9 months. After 8 months he broke up with me in August, he didnt know if he’d be happy to come home and it led to many arguments. I was devastated. He said he just needed space to think as he still saw his future with me. I had already booked flights to visit him in October prior to the break up so I still went with two of my friends. When I visited him we had the best week, there was a lot of tears because he didnt want to loose me. He said we were practically back together and he just needed to make a commitment to a date to come home. He said the week I was with him was the happiest he had been since he left home and he had been lonely without me. Two weeks after I came home he decided he was done with the relationship and he didnt see a future with me anymore. I had pressured him for answer about whether ws were back together or not. Again I was devastated, worse this time then the first. I reallt thought we were gonna get back toegther. I offered to move over but he said no as he thought I would be unhappy as Im a home bird.He blocked me on all social media. After a week I emailed him and asked could we talk. He said he didnt want to talk just yet. I am now on day 7 of no contact.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 15, 2019 at 12:05 am

      Hi Aisling, it sounds as if your going to have to read up aobut how to get an ex back who is long distance and doing so learn about how to be Ungettable too. Giving him some space is going to be hard but you can 100% do the work that is needed. Maybe consider going travelling yourself (not to Canada) and show him you are more than just a home girl and are willing to visit the world

  3. Avatar


    November 14, 2019 at 4:23 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Just two days ago my ex broke up with me, and I feel miserable. Background: I’m from Canada and my ex-boyfriend is from New Zealand. We met at a virtual game where you can meet new people and hang out in the game. It was on December 3, 2018 that we started dating. We met 3 weeks before dating. At first we decided that our relationship stays in the game, but months later we realized that we loved each other outside of the game and we chose to text and call outside of the game. Step by step we gotten more serious, we fell in love with each other(Well the day he met me, he fell in love with me already). He is such a good man, he treats me really good. I even decided to go see him next year in April. We loved each so much. He even said “The only way that you’ll lose me is if you’re unhappy with me”. I was indeed very happy with him. We had arguments but we overcome it and still stayed together. In September of this year he found an engineering job, so he work mornings until the evenings. Of course our time zone is completely different, he did not have much time for me which I completely understand, but he some how managed to find a time to call and text me. Later throughout the month, he started to feel stressed and getting lacks of sleep. Hes been going through alot, and I had to be there for him and support him, but with my selfish ways, i was getting a bit angry because he didnt had time for me, when I know hes going through some rough times. I started to swallow my selfishness and accept that he has no time for me and that I got to wait for him whenever he is free. We started to have more arguments because of me. He kept apologizing and i would just get annoyed, but after I realized what my action is doing, I calmed down and accept his apology and i even apologized to him for being rude towards him. The following month which is October, he was going through some rough times again, and of course im there to support him and give encouragement. I myself was going through a difficult time, where my anger takes out on people. I started to feel insecure about myself, and I never spoke my mind about it to him. He would always ask me “whats wrong” but i kept pushing him away by saying “nothing”, “dont worry about it”, “just leave me alone”. Until this day I regretted for saying those things. November came by… 2 days ago in the afternoon (for him is the morning in New Zealand), we were doing fine, we would say “i love you” and i told him “have fun at work”. 3 hours later, i started to feel insecure. So i asked him a question “have you ever thought about breaking up with me” and he said no and he asked me why. I told him that im not worthy, and he kept saying that I am. It was a back and forth thing which lead to an argument, he kept giving me encouraging words but i didnt accept it so we stopped talking. At that moment i post a Instagram story saying “just when people are there for you… i guess i was wrong”. So from there he saw it and he decided to break up with me. Of course I couldnt accept it, so i kept telling him to not leave me, i kept begging him. I was crying so much that I kept begging him to stay. I even asked him why now, we’ve been together for 11 months and that he promised me not to leave me. Its like he changed, he got colder towards me no matter how i plead him to stay with me. He said “ I’m sorry, it’s over I just can’t do this right now I don’t have the time or energy my stress levels have skyrocketed and I barely sleep anymore I love you but i cant”. He said he still loves me like how he first met me, but he cant be with me anymore. I was so confused and I don’t understand at all. I wanted more reasons why cant do it anymore. He want use to remain friends, which is fine.. but its hard for me because being friends with the person you love, hurts. I felt broken, I lost the most important person in my life. I love him so much and I wish we’re together. So I came to this site to find a solution. I want him back, but when I saw the NC rule, I decided to do it. Its really tempting to text him, but to get him back with no failure, i got to do the NC rule. I also need space to heal myself and get my life together. Thank you for this article, because I really need this and I’m trying my hardest not to feel miserable.

  4. Avatar


    November 9, 2019 at 10:39 am

    Hi Chris I met this guy on a tour in overseas. I’m from Australia and he’s from Canada. During the last couple of days before our tour ends and before I’m due to fly back to Australia, I started realising that I have feeling for this guy and he felt the same way too. We started texting as I added him on FB the last couple of days and were smitten. When I came back to Australia we were still communicating daily. But 2 weeks after I came back, I think the idea and reality of LDR started sinking in and I got terrified and broke it off with him first of all, I never had LDR and secondly I didn’t know how to handle it because I am not a texter or a phone person as I’d prefer to meet with the person face to face and physical touch is important to me. But as few days go by, I really miss this guy and it’s doing my head in. So I said that I wanted to give this a try because I really like him. Not because I’m lonely but because I do see a future with him. Then one month later, again it was me who broke it off with him. Because I felt that I would be expecting a lot from him once i get too attached. He wanted to come and visit and I was excited when he suggested about it. But I knew I would be sad the moment he leave. I don’t know if I can bare that. I also seen friends who tried LDR but didn’t succeed. I also know that it takes a lot of effort, commitment and one has to make sacrifice or compromises. I don’t know if we would end up resentijng each other when we moved to finally live together and things doesn’t work out. I barely gave him and our LDR a chance to progress further. But I love this guy. And the thought of approaching him again yet feeling unsure of how to overcome my fear of LDR, being apart and not being there for special occasion and esp when he’s feeling unwell, I feel helpless. I want to care for him and be there. I just wish he’s here things would be so easy…. I don’t know what to do as my heart and mind is always in constant disagreement.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 3:22 pm

      Hi Missy, so this situation is tough but only YOU can decide if you are prepared to do a LDR, where the eventual out come either you move to Canada, or he comes to Australia to you. This is such a future conversation that it would make it difficult to have that conversation with him so soon, yet your fears are already there after a short time. If you decide you want to go for it with the LDR I can advise you further if you choose to move on there is an article about how to do that on the website. There a plenty about how to work a LDR break up too if you feel you want more information

  5. Avatar


    November 8, 2019 at 10:59 am

    I met my ex on a dating site. He was the first and only guy I talked to on this site. We started talking on the phone and talked for about 4 hours every night for a week and then we both traveled to meet eachother half way for a weekend. Things went great and we continued talking for hours every night. He hadn’t had a serious relationship for 10 years because he said he didn’t want to settle; that he wanted to feel “butterflies”. Well he said he felt those with me, something he had never felt before. Two weeks later I traveled to his place for the weekend and met all his friends and I fit right in and we had a blast. He said he was so impressed. We continued on the phone same as before and he would talk about how in so many months I would move to where he was. A month later I visited him again. He was supposed to come see me but his friend got married and didn’t want to miss it. This time things went great again except for the fact that I slipped out the word “love” and he didn’t exactly say it back. He said he was afraid of getting hurt. I let it go and didn’t think much of it. Two days after I went home I got fired from my job and was really emotional on the phone. Two days later is when he stopped calling me. He would text good morning and maybe one small text a day if even that. I stressed that I needed to hear his voice every day but that just put more distance between us. I became a wreck and after writing him a very long text telling him how I felt and then making a couple of comments via text about him not calling ever I decided I couldn’t take it any more and texted him that I wanted more, that I couldn’t be with someone that couldn’t make time for me. I told him to call me if and when he decided he wanted a relationship that worked towards a future together. He did not reply. Less than a week later I texted him that I needed closure, that I just wanted to know what happened then I would leave him alone… still no reply. I de-friended him on FB because it was just too painful just seeing his name. It has now only been 2 days.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 9:16 pm

      Hi Patti so I suggest reactivating your Facebook to use to post how you’re living life and not sitting at home crying over him as he expects. Just dont use it to look at what hes doing just use it to your advantage. You need to complete a full 30 day No Contact and in that time focus on healing and becoming the Ungettable girl

  6. Avatar

    Dyan Charles

    November 6, 2019 at 10:06 am

    The tips are great and are helping me during this difficult time. Background:
    I was in a long distance relationship for over 2 years.So my ex and I are both young and I went to see him last year, but he was not able to see me this year due to his family and other issues etc. Not seeing him and trying to plan when we would see each other again became so stressful for us and we were constantly fighting, i was always anxious, and I started to get angrier. Time went on and he started getting distant. I noticed and I tried my best to give him freedom and not complain or bring up bad memories etc. He started meeting friends online (not cheating or anything) but it made me feel replaced because he started to value talking to them over me, and we used to talk everyday. I tried my best to compromise by saying, lets talk this time tomorrow then if you’re busy, but every time we would set up a time to talk he would push it back. I started to get really insecure at this point because every time that i would mention that him ignoring me or not making time with me hurt, he would stonewall me even more. This lasted about two months, then in between i started trying not to contact him for a few days or a week. I would always contact first and He was actually nice every time, but would start distancing himself again after a few days. And when i would ask to do something with him, he would start asking me for no contact for a week again. At the point, I had already become too obsessed with his social media while he was gone, and instead off calling him because he would never answer, once a week i usually had mutual fun convo’s with his mom (sounds crazy right). It got so bad that he fell asleep on my 21st bday, and even though i tried to express to him i wasn’t mad he still tried to ignore me two days after my bday.
    Anyways the last time he asked for a week, I expressed to him this was the last time i would do it. But it was so hard that i caved in the 3rd day because i was really sad and felt like i needed someone. He answered and spoke for 10 mins and then said he had to go out and would call me when he gets back. Low and behold 3 hours later, he’s back on social media speaking to his friends,ignoring the fact that I was really depressed that day which angered me. And all the pent up emotions i had from the last 2 months of being ignored came out and i was angry (just like how i was when we use to argue about when he would come). It really sucks because i was trying to stop that behavior during those last 3 months too. Anyways, I blew up on him, he said he wanted to break up,I said i didn’t then. I call him again out of hurt and tell him to delete my pics, and he says he aldready did and that he’s fully breaking up with me. Throughout him breaking up with me he was really rude and cruel, even when I tried to be nice.
    The day after the breakup he texted me saying he was sorry and he loves me and that he hopes i can find happiness (which thought was a way for him to not feel as guilty for being rude). i caved in and on the third day, caved in, he said he would contact me later, and he pushed me back again. So id did the worst thing ever: i blew up his phone. He eventually answered, and i was so angry went off on him again. In between he just said sorry and said his reason for breaking up was bc he had to work on himself and i said it was mutual because i wanted to as well and we both agreed to talking to each other on thanksgiving. But i didn’t believe that was the only reason, and two days later i call him again asking why and he said bc i was being needy and wouldn’t leave him alone (calling him that day made it worse). I apologized for calling again and got him to still agree to talking on thanksgiving.its been two weeks now and i feel a bit better, however he just unfollowed me on instagram after watching my ig stories everyday consistently. Which has left me confused. however he used to do this in the past (he would say it was because he was mad at me). I haven’t been posting anything sad, Ive actually been showing I’m having fun and taking great selfies. But he didn’t block me.I guess he thought it was that necessary not to see me anymore to click on my profile and unfollow me. Insure he will still try and lurk though. And today all this mad eye feel bad and i started snooping over his social media again looking at some new people he has followed (one unrealistic ig model that he looked up {but his friend follows her so maybe he just looked her up to show off, because he really is a follower],some girls that are friends of his social media friends but they are not his type), but i still feel insecure. It upset me a bit to see, but I’m glad to see he has not moved on. But damn is he petty and immature. I don’t even know why I miss someone who would rather spend his time on his phone all day on periscope. we met on that app btw , and i feel replaced by his new friends. Anyways i still want him back because he has an amazing soul, and I am working on myself, but when i talk to him again on Thanksgiving, i hope everything will go well. If he’s the same way however (always making excuses, valuing random people etc.), then i guess its best to move on. This is especially hard because we are each others first love, first bf and gf. The only thing I’m happy about is it takes us both a while to want to be with someone, so i don’t have to worry about him moving on quickly with another girl. Its just that I’m hoping he will realize that what he is doing (being on social media all day, talking to “yes” people) is not effective, and at the end of the day its me who has always been there for him despite all our problems. I may have been needy and annoying, but I never stopped showing him i cared (I’ve always supported him).
    Writing this all out actually made me feel better. I am hoping that this no contact (which will be 37 days by thanksgiving), will help me to feel better about myself, not just to win him back. If he can’t see by then how I have changed, become more confident, respected his wishes “to leave him alone”, then its his loss. He said he would be working on himself during this time, but so far he’s doing the same thing he did before. But being that he is immature and he doesn’t get out much, I guess thats his way of coping with the breakup. I’m glad to know that i am actually going out more, and still prospering despite this heartbreak. Maybe thats why he unfollowed me.He Probably can’t believe and bare to see that i look so happy and he’s probably jealous since he’s spending his time doing nothing. I guess guys dont know what they have till its gone. Since he unfollowed my page yesterday, he hasn’t viewed my stories since. It seems as though him doing that was a form of getting my attention, to see if would react. I didn’t even unfollow him back or say anything because i want to make him feel liked dint even noticed. I won’t stoop to that level of pettiness, no matter how much it angers me, or makes me sad,or makes me mis him even more.
    That being said, any advice on how to push myself better and stop having these obsessive outbursts would be nice. And also since we are speaking on thanksgiving, how should i talk to him on FaceTime as opposed to text on the first contact day? (we agreed to ft but idk if i should just text instead).

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 10:52 pm

      Hi Dyan, so you need to learn something called emotional control. This is where you control the obsessive outbursts by taking a small step back from reacting and telling yourself to stay composed. It does take some work, and some people even need therapy to do this. When talking on Facetime make sure you look good, plenty of positive talk and smiles. But as youve said it is the first time you’re going to be in contact you do need to have a short and positive conversation first, and build those up through texting rather than jumping straight to phone calls as you need to build up a rapport and interest from him to you.

  7. Avatar


    October 31, 2019 at 5:30 pm

    Hi. This is Nikki again. I left out part of my story on purpose. I‘m not exactly sure why, but maybe it explains why I tried to contact him for those two months. When my ex and I met and he freaked out on me, he actually abandoned me. I was left standing on the street in the middle of the night, downtown in a city I was unfamiliar with. He wouldn’t take me with him to the airport…told me that I would have to find my own way home. He said that he couldn’t deal with anything and then he just left. I tried calling him several times wanting to know what had happened, but he wouldn’t answer. When he finally did call later that week, he still didn’t give me an explanation or an apology. I kept trying to contact him after that and that’s when he blocked me. We had been so close and spent so much time together, I couldn’t understand. Still can’t. I thought that if I wrote to him, he would see that I was interested in trying to work things out and just wanted to talk. More than anything, I just needed to know why. I’m wondering if he feels guilty or sorry for what happened and is just too scared to talk or if he just doesn’t care about me anymore. I’m now on day 10 of No Contact and although I’m using this time to heal emotionally, I still would like to hear from him. Even though the thought of “who does something like that?” is always on my mind and it’s something that I can’t and shouldn’t ignore, I still miss him. I’m not sure what to do at this point.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2019 at 10:02 pm

      Hi Nikki so NC is needed especially for the way he treated you. As far as getting him back I think you are going to need to be very very emotionally and mentally strong to be with someone like that. Something that erratic and out of the blue is not going to show signs of a secure relationship with someone.

      When you are done with NC reach out as a friend rather than a girl trying to get her ex back

  8. Avatar


    October 29, 2019 at 7:49 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I’m writing to you, because I would really like a guy’s perspective on my situation.

    My ex and I have been in a LDR for the last 18 months. For the first few months, it was strictly texting and then we started talking on the phone. Pictures were eventually exchanged. We had instant chemistry and talked everyday, sometimes for several hours. He always told me that he had never met anyone like me and that he felt an instant connection. I felt the same way. He had never been in a relationship before due to emotional and physical problems and I was the first girl he felt comfortable with. We were essentially FWB and after about six months, he said he loved me. We told each other everything and we said things that we had never told anyone else before. We were that close. Because of cultural differences on his part, I knew that we couldn’t be together but we still wanted the relationship. We finally met up in August and everything was going really good and it felt natural between us. We both agreed about that. Then five days in, he basically freaked out on me. He said that he didn’t want this anymore with me and needed some time. When I got home, he waited for a few days to call me and said that he didn’t want me to contact him and he wasn’t going to change his mind. He’s very stubborn. I didn’t take it very well. I did the unthinkable and for two months, I wrote him letters (never negative) and tried texting and calling him. I always let him know how much I care about him and that I would like to work things out together. Most of the time, the letters were just casual…letting him know what I was doing, feeling, etc. Knowing that he doesn’t like drama or complicated, I kept pushing. Looking back, I wish that I had reacted differently. It wasn’t the way I was used to dealing with things, but this really confused and hurt. Still does. I’m not proud of my behaviour, but it happened. He eventually blocked my number, but I don’t think he blocked my email. I’m now on day 8 of No Contact, but I haven’t heard from him since he called two months ago. I’m determined to go through with this, but I have to admit that it’s been frustrating…the not knowing. I miss him very much. I’m also afraid that I may have pushed too hard and pushed him away for good. Is it too late or should I continue doing No Contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Nikki it isnt too late to give it a try but the two months of begging is going to factor in here. You need to give him 45 days NC and massively work on being more emotionally controlled and being the best version of yourself so when you talk you will give out the vibes of being in a better place

  9. Avatar


    October 14, 2019 at 7:45 pm

    My long distance ex and I were together for two years and broken up for 3 months. We broke up because we weren’t happy due to the distance and other things that were mostly circumstantial. Neither of us knew if breaking up was the right thing to do but it was a decision he made in the end. He was so bitter about the fact that we hadn’t spoken for 3 months saying people who love each other wouldn’t go 3 months without speaking. We started talking recently and it’s been a lot of me initiating and trying to make it work. I told him I wanted to see where his head was at and told him I’m noticing a lack of interest on his end. He said it was because he was busy and part of him didn’t know if he saw this going anywhere. Eventually, it led into a discussion about how he doesn’t really trust me (he couldn’t even tell me why he doesn’t), feels like he wants to be with someone who he wouldn’t be okay going 3 months without speaking to and while he still loves me and cares about me, says he feels differently about me and has been pretty okay without me as much as it has sucked. Of course it broke my heart hearing this, but he still is communicating with me even if it’s not much. I am so confused about where he’s at and what I should do. I know he doesn’t fully know what he wants but he doesn’t really seem eager to make things work either. I can’t keep feeling like I’m doing this on my own and I’m hurting but I also love him and would love to give it another shot.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 7:09 pm

      Hi Gracie so if you decide you want to get him back then you need to follow the program, read some articles that apply to your situation so you know how it works

  10. Avatar


    October 14, 2019 at 4:20 am

    Need some help….

    My boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago. I have not spoken to him since. He and I started dating a year ago, and he just moved away in mid-September. We’ve had our issues, but we always figured things out. Everything was going great between us since he moved away. He moved because he’s in chiropractic school and he is working for a doctor there. He is living is a friend’s basement. He took me with him to move to help him, and enjoy his time with me. We had a blast. He is still a student, and he graduates in December. He also has his last exams coming up in a month, has to work 40 hours a week, and some weekends. He told me he just wanted to be alone. He said that he still loves me and cares for me. It wasn’t a bad break up at all, but I was devastated. I haven’t eaten more than 300 calories per day, I can’t sleep through the night, and I cry all of the time. My mom has been helping me get better each day, but I still feel in my heart that our relationship could make a comeback, and be better than ever. There was not really anything negative. My mom keeps telling me that absence makes the heart grow fonder…is that right in my situation? He has always told me I’m the best thing that’s happened to him and planned to move me there with him in the early new year. When he was explaining why he wanted to be alone, he said his mom and friend both said, “Why would you want to leave her?” I have that feeling and I just want to know what I should do!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 7:55 pm

      Hey Nathalie, you need to do your NC and focus on healing and getting stronger before you complete your NC you need to work on getting emotional control… Read about being Ungettable and how to deal with LDR

  11. Avatar


    October 13, 2019 at 10:50 am

    I’ve just broken up with my 10 month-LDR boyfirend, we met during my vacation in Thailand and he was working there temporarily. I traveled back and forth there after we committed to the relationship to spend time together. I also live in Thailand but about 1 hour by plane plus 2 hours boat trip far from that island. I went there about 4-5 days/ 2 times a month. Everything seemd wonderful and happy without argument at all.
    After 5 months he had to go back to his country (France), the first two month was okay, he came to see me in London while I was there. We had a good time there.
    After that everything went a bit down hill, he went to a music festival with his friends and was not responsive, however I vitsited his home town in the end of August. He introduced me to his family and closed friends and brought me to his childhood places. After my visit, our situation seemed to come back to normal. We texted back and forth everyday but we didn’t do the video calls that much because he was so skeptical about his not so good English and he personally didn’t like to do it.
    After his trip to see his mom, he became distant and cold, I ended up ask him that everything still okay and made a trip to see him for 2 days. We talked over and he said he was stressed and worried about future, he thought It was super difficult to make it together. Since he didn’t know what’s gonna happen in near future. He’s gonna come back and work in Thailand for 6 months starts from November but after that he doesn’t know anything at all…
    We made up at the end and let just see what’s happen and we’ll deal with that. He still told me that he loved me and I was the one who always understand him.
    Just a week or so after the talk, he went super down hill, distant, cold and all, It continued like that for two weeks. I ultimately asked him about that and asked if he still wanted to continue this relationship, he finally said he wanted to end it, he didn’t love me anymore and his feeling faded away, he was not ready to be in the relationship and he was not willing to give more. He thought that I was a super good girl but he was not seeing his future together.
    So we ended everything with that video call. I didn’t beg him, just told him that I accepted that and said goodbye. I didn’t contact him since. It was just 3 days ago though. I’m doing NC now. He still didn’t cut all my social medias out.
    I know that he’s a good guy and want to give it a try.
    But may I ask you if it’s possible to get him back since he said he didn’t see his future with me?
    And if he’s back to Thailand, and we have to meet up over there ( on the island which I’m not sure considers LDR or not) , will it be possible? If we have to continue LDR again when he is not sure about the future, will that worth a try? Or I should move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 9:02 pm

      Patricia, if its what you think you want then it is worth giving it a go, and as for that EBR is your best chance at getting your ex back. You just need to read about the system and how to implement the texting phase and the information that applies to your relationship and situation

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    October 6, 2019 at 7:34 pm

    Hi, my ex and I were in international distance and met twice a year. When he broke up with me 18months ago,a super messy, name calling,hurtful one and I insulted him on the phone. He claimed ldr was unsustainable, he gotta focus on his job,money was the concern and i argued with him lots being needy,insecure etc. I did no contact for 2mths then contacted him twice without any reply since then. I still hope for him back after 18mths but with my situation,I feel hopeless. Does it mean I’ve no chance and better try to move on ?I just hope for guidance since I don’t know what else to do ,it hurts day and night missing him

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 7, 2019 at 8:30 am

      Hi Gaby, so with it being such a long time since the break up, your chances are lower (I want to be honest) But I would read the process for how to get an ex back when you’re long distance and apply that if you really want to try to get him back your texts need to be really captivating to get him to want to talk to you about certain subjects.

  13. Avatar


    October 1, 2019 at 5:42 pm


    So I’ve known this guy since I was in middle school. We always flirted and even hooked up when we were in HS. 9 years passed and we hooked up again at a friends wedding this February. Things escalated quickly and we kind of stared dating in May but I live in Boston and he lives in Orlando. We talked about making It work and we both said we would try. I annoyed him about coming to visit me but I always go down so It wasn’t a big deal. Two weeks ago I was on the phone with him and even though everything had been perfect and everything seemed fine, out of NO WHERE he blurted out he didn’t think he should have a long distance gf. So I’ve been trying to implement NC but he always sends me stuff on instagram and snapchat. I really miss him and I feel like It was an impulse thing what he did because we were talking about him visiting me so he got upset and blurted that out. He is going through some personal stuff right now and trying to get his life on track but we had such a crazy connection and we were both so happy that I feel this is a mistake… I am from Orlando and I am going down this week for some family matters and I don’t know if I should tell him. I really would love to talk to him in person about this and I feel like if we saw each other it may change things? I don’t know. Should I tell him ahead of time that I will be in town? Or should I tell him once I’m there? I’ll only be there for 2 days so.. hella confused… I’m super free and open so I was thinking maybe we can try casual dating like we were in the beginning. I def don’t want him out of my life…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 1, 2019 at 9:14 pm

      Hi Jessica, so as you need to do a NC, no I wouldn’t tell him you are going to be in town. Make sure you post on social media that you are there but do not ask to see him. He wanted the break up, so let him have it and feel what life is like without you in it. He needs time to miss you.

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    September 26, 2019 at 5:52 am

    Hi, I had a LDR with a guy for 11 months tho I knw him for 15yrs and lost touch. .hes in late 30s and I’m in early 40s. I visited 3times to his country and got intimate. many times he had proposed marriage and agn retract back saying age issue this and tht. He nvr had physical gf before and was involved in online ex gf frm another city for 2 yrs who rejected his marriage proposal and I came into his life after tht. He can’t seemed to forget her and his family is not happy abt it bcoz he’s nvr met her before and she refuse to show up when he went to visit her in tht city ! He has nvr met her ever! Fast forward she has occupied his heart and mind though he kept proposing to me. His family loves me and wants me to marry him. In Aug, I agreed to his proposal and suddenly he backed out saying he can’t forget her and though she rejected him he can’t let go of it and feel he will marry half heartedly and won’t make me happy if he go ahead. I love him so much and willing to move to his country and marry him but now he’s saying find someone who truly loves you as I’ll only marry for the sake of marriage. I heard frm his cousin last Friday, he regretted doing this to me and cried saying he made mistake by coming into my life when he can’t be 100 percent into it. He also said she blocked me and is angry and in few months she’ll forget me and get a new person.. ! I want him badly and can’t forget him .. I’m devastated and now in 22 NC and he did reach out and email me 14 days NC ( as I blocked his Whtsapp and not in any other SM ) he sd how r u and hope you r doing well and out of anger. Pls send regards to ur mum and take care. Pls do send ur bank acct details. ( he wanted to settle a small owing he had when I visited him ) I replied his email saying I’m doing great and thanks for the wishes and wish ur parents are doing fine. Gave him the account no. And still didn’t unblock his WhatsApp. Should I unblock him now ? When he withdraw his proposal in Aug, I felt terrible and said nasty things. Didn’t know abt this videos then.. should I apologise for those ugly words said to him or leave it like tht and reach as normal after NC period is over ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 26, 2019 at 9:09 pm

      Hi Oviya, you need to complete a full NC where you have no spoken to him under no circumstances.

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    September 22, 2019 at 5:05 pm

    Hey Chris! My boyfriend and I were dating for 3 years and 7 months – long distance and were first best friends for 3 years. We spent two weeks in person where we worked out a bunch of our issues, set boundaries, and expectations. We both planned once a week date nights and were looking forward to this healthier version of our relationship. He was even sending me cute texts and voice recordings telling me how much he loves me. He is doing his masters degree and I know he is under a lot of pressure from his professors and his self esteem has recently dropped. Then on our first date night he breaks up with me out of nowhere – he completely emotionally snaps. Crying and saying that he can’t do this anymore – when we were good – we had already worked things out and I was respecting his boundaries. There is definitely something else going on that he hasn’t told me and I know it’s not another girl. He was crying and even said there isn’t anyone else out there for him when I asked if he wanted someone else. I found out he just got off a call with his mother – who has been controlling in the past – and I’m worried that she pushed him over the edge when she found out about his struggles with his degree. After only two short calls that day – he hung up crying when I told him that I didn’t agree with what he was doing. I told him that he’s wrong, that I was already changing my unhealthy behaviours and he’s going to realise that this isn’t how you cope with stress. It is day 3 of NC, which I started immediately after our call. I’m trying to keep myself from looking at his online profiles, but on day one I could help myself and noticed he was listening to love songs of ours on Spotify. And even today, he hasn’t changed his relationship status – it still says we are together. I know he is doing this on impulse and anxiety. This is not how he usually behaves. The longest we have ever gone without speaking (due to no wifi) was 3 days. I was his best friend and his girlfriend. Is NC still the best option?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 23, 2019 at 6:04 pm

      Hi Victoria, yes NC is best in this situation. Let him have this time and you focus on you. Also dont look at what songs he is listening to or what activity is like online it does not help you, it will only make you assume things

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    September 17, 2019 at 12:31 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Wouldn’t the NCR just cuase them to move on faster? My ex is allready into some other girl but says it will take him a while to make a move. We have plans to have coffee when we both come home from thanksgiving in a couple months, but what if he is allready with someone. Wouldn’t sending him streaks in his favorite outfits of mine make him miss me more than No contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 19, 2019 at 4:56 pm

      Hey Marie, strangely enough No Contact allows your ex some time to process their thoughts and start to miss you. When they move on and get into rebound relationships etc this doesn’t stop them thinking of you as such, it just slows the process down. Make sure your NC is 30 days minimum and work on being the best version of yourself.

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    September 8, 2019 at 8:30 am

    I was in a relationship for almost 7 years and in a LDR for 4 years with the same guy.He is out the country for his further studies.He would come visit me every once in a year.We were so much in love. The last time he came to visit me was about 4 months ago. I was so moody and didn’t give him enough time as I had my exams going on for which i had to prepare.We both are from medical field.I am not so expressive at showing love. I also applied for the same university where he is in but my letter got rejected and we couldn’t stop our long distance.When i messaged him he dint used to reply on time and he used to say he was busy with writing thesis and all.So i gave him space. Its been 20 days he hasn’t contacted me and said he wants to move on and told me to move on.He said he wanted a break up and has blocked me from every possible social sites.I tried to contact him but all in vain.Since then i am searching ways on the internet to get your boyfriend back and i got to know about you.he is returning to the country only after 10 months and i am thinking about visiting him after 2 months.I would be so grateful if you could help me !

    1. Shaunna


      September 12, 2019 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Meemang, so at this moment in time he isn’t showing interest in getting back with you or seeing you. I would do a NC and then start the texting phase to catch his interest and build rapport again. When someone wants a break up the best thing to do is give them that space so they have the chance to miss you. And think about the positives of having you in their lives again. Hope this helps 🙂

  18. Avatar


    August 26, 2019 at 2:39 pm

    Hey Chris!
    I am in a super weird situation just wondering what way you would go about this. Me and my now ex boyfriend had been living overseas in the UK for the past two years (me Canadian and him Australian) We were best friends for 6 months before things turned romantic and we fell in love and even lived together over there. I even went on vacation with his family and he came and lived at my family home for a month in Canada before going on a European 2 week vacation with my family and I as well. After this we spent an amazing final 3 days in Rome before going separate ways at the beginning of August which was the biggest mess at the airport, we could not let go of each other hah. We talked about plans for me to move to Australia on a work visa in 3 months time from when i start working, then eventually partner visa as weve discussed we couldnt be apart and its a place ive always wanted to go. We then had done a LDR for only 3 weeks talking and facetiming constantly and he even said to all his friends and family i am moving and they added me on social media and were super excited. But then after a few weeks I could feel him getting cold and he kept saying its just very weird being home as it had been 2 years away which I do understand, and then resulted in a phone call in which he was crying and saying he loves me but he is thinking of doubts for me going over there and needs to figure out what he truly wants and doesnt want to drag me along and pretend he doesnt feel this way. I made sure to take it well told him i understand and I will miss him and love him and truthfully hope he finds what he is looking for and he said he even hopes that in a little bit of time he hopes he realises I am exactly what he wants. He continuously told me he is sorry and he loves me so much and its so difficult for him to do this but needs to try and get himself sorted to figure out where he wants to be and what he wants in life.

    I am just so confused as he was seeming so sad like he didnt want to do it, and while I do understand him needing some time to get his life sorted it seems abrupt and out of nowhere. And he also has always been the one who is very cautious in our relationship so I dont know if thats a good sign he might come around as it is quite typical he overanalyses every move he makes and might just be stuck in his head.

    It has only been a couple of days but we are not speaking (which i cant even remember the last time we didnt 🙁 )and I am planning on at least a few weeks to get myself working as I am still interviewing just now. But what would be a way to go about this do you reckon? and do you think he will come back to me?

    sorry its so long winded. I appreciate a lot though

  19. Avatar


    August 9, 2019 at 4:29 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. We broke up because of distance. He was moving to a new state, and although we had done long distance before, the stress of the move was too much for him. The past month has been hard. We’ve had minimal contact (congratulating on a new job and asking where to send clothes), but I have grown so much as a person. I have been exercising, volunteering, praying, hanging with friends, and living my life. I know I don’t need him in my life, but I want him in my life. I’m at a point financially where I would be able to see him as often as we had planned, and now have a timeline as to when the distance could end. I just want to talk and take it Day by day, but I’m not sure how to start. Thanks!

  20. Avatar


    August 9, 2019 at 4:01 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thank you so much for all of the info. My ex and I broke up about a month ago because of distance. He was moving to a new state, and even though we had done long distance before, the stress of the move was too much. The past month we have had little to no contact (the congrats on starting a new job and where to send his clothes), and I have grown a lot as a person and have been spending my time exercising, volunteering, praying, hanging out with friends, going on an occasional date, etc. I know I don’t need him in my life, but I want him there. I want to be able to talk to him and take it day by day. I am now in a better place financially, and would be able to see him as often as we had originally hoped, and would have some time frame as to when the distance could end. I just don’t know if that’s the right way to go about talking to him. Thanks!

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