Long distance relationships are hard. Getting an ex back who you had a long distance relationship is even harder. Today, I am going to tackle this very complex subject and give you a set of actionable steps you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your relationship back. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning that this page is probably going to end up being the second longest in the history of this site. A lot of people have contacted me directly begging for a page like this so I took a lot of time to research and brainstorm a plan for getting an ex back in this specific circumstance.

Before I really get started I want to mention that while this guide is probably one of the most in-depth ones ever created about long distance relationships it pails in comparison to the training I put together for you below.

In other words, if you want even more personalized and in-depth information I recommend checking this out,

What Are Long Distance Relationships?

long distance relationship

What a stupid question right? I mean, you don’t really need to know what a LDR (long distance relationship) is right?

WRONG!

In this section we are going to define long distance relationships and talk about the different kinds of LDR’s that exist in today’s society.

Long Distance Relationships- A specific type of relationship where the couple is separated by a considerable amount of distance.

The keyword in that definition is “considerable.” You might be shocked to learn that a lot of people who I have communicated with as a result of this site think they are in a LDR because they live an hour away from their partner. That is simply not true. In my mind, a true long distance relationship is one where you are separated by states, countries or even oceans. That is where the word “considerable” comes into play. A considerable amount of distance to me has to be a minimum of 500 miles.

Now, lets talk a little about the different kinds of long distance relationships that currently exist.

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The Marriage LDR

This is always a tough one to deal with. In this long distance relationship the couple in question is married. Perhaps at one time they even lived together. However, a certain set of circumstances have caused one of them to relocate (a considerable amount of distance away.) Now, since this page is dealing specifically with ex boyfriends don’t let that fool you, this page can work for married couples who have broken up as well.

The Move Away LDR

This is another one of those stories I hear way too often when it comes to long distance relationships. Here is how this one works. Basically, a couple is dating and doing fine. However, after time one of the couple members are presented with an opportunity that causes them to move away for a considerable distance (or in some cases they are forced to.) If you and your ex are in a situation like this then this page can work for you.

The “Few Months” LDR

Believe it or not but I have actually dealt with a lot of women in this exact predicament. How this type of long distance relationship works is pretty simple. A couple is dating and due to a certain set of circumstances one of them has to relocate (very similarly to the marriage LDR above.) Of course, there is one BIG difference. Instead of relocating indefinitely the person that relocated is only going to be gone for a few months. If you and your boyfriend have broken up and have a very similar story to the “few months” LDR then this page can definitely work for you. However, you might also want to check this page out too.

The Internet To Person LDR

This is an interesting type of relationship. Initially, you met your (now ex boyfriend) online and that led to you meeting in person. The thing is though, when you met online you were separated by a considerable amount of distance and even today you are separated by a considerable amount of distance.

If this sounds like your situation then this page can pretty much help you out a lot!

The Strictly Internet LDR

This is the ONE type of long distance relationship that is probably the most challenging of long distance relationships. In this type of relationship the two of you have never met in person, engaged in Face time or spoken on the phone. You have only met online and pretty much kept things that way.  While I won’t say the deck is stacked against you, because I have seen examples of these types of relationships eventually flourishing once the couple gets some traction and eventually talk to each other and meet.  It is challenging for such a couple to overcome some of the built in obstacles with this kind of singular interaction unless they eventually agree to connect with each other in other ways.  So it’s not impossible for this to work, but certainly it is natural for a couple to want to interact and engage with each other in many ways in order to flush out their degree of compatibility.

Essentially what I am saying is if you find yourself on this relationship track – think about moving it along to the Internet To Person LDR that I described above. Then follow the advice that I am about to outline for you.

What It Takes To Have A Successful Long Distance Relationship

successful LDR

You failed..

That’s why your here right?

I’ll admit, long distance relationships are hard. In fact, I find them so hard that I don’t personally think I can enter one. Well, I suppose I should never say never but I am generally not a fan of them for one specific reason. If I am dating someone I want to be able to see them IN PERSON. However, a lot of people aren’t like me when it comes to long distance relationships. In fact, some people can thrive on them. One of my best friends dated his girlfriend (long distance) for two years and they are still together today. So, it is possible to have a happy ending.

Anyways, back to the point. If you are here it is most likely because you and your ex had a long distance relationship but you are now broken up. Whatever the reasons may be for the breakup the two of you are not together anymore. That means you couldn’t make the long distance relationship work.

Look, no one is blaming you. I just stated above I couldn’t do it so my hats off to you for even trying. Nevertheless, you are here because you want your ex back and you are willing to do whatever it takes. I thought it might be a good idea to figure out what makes a successful long distance relationship so you know what you need to do the second time around (assuming you are able to get your boyfriend back.) So, I did a lot of research and came up with the following qualities that are constant among successful LDR’s.

(For more in-depth information on getting a long distance ex boyfriend back please visit this page.)

Doing Things Together Over The Phone

One of my best memories in high school is talking on the phone with girls. You see, when I went to high school texting hadn’t become as big as it is now. Add in the fact that I didn’t even have text messaging and you are left with someone who actually had to go “old school” and call girls for dates. I remember staying up so late at night and literally talking until a girl would fall asleep on the phone with me.

Every successful long distance relationship has this type of element to it. A tireless ability to talk on the phone for hours. Of course, couples in long distance relationships take things a step further by actually doing things together on the phone. Common examples include:

  • Watching a favorite television show together. (Netflix is great for this 😉 )
  • Cooking together on the phone.
  • Playing a board game together.

Communicating On A Daily Basis, NO MATTER WHAT!

Another quality that successful LDR couples have is that they talk every single day. Now, there is a difference between stalking and communicating. Unsuccessful LDR’s usually have one couple member constantly freaking out over what the other one is doing. There has to be some trust involved or else your whole relationship will fall apart.

Technological Face Time

We live in a world of electronics and smart phones. I mean, for god sakes there is an entire section of this website dedicated solely to texting. For a couple separated by distance it is imperative that you take advantage of such electronic inventions.

We have already established that successful couples are always communicating with each other via a phone. Ah, but there is a problem with a phone. While you can hear the person talking on it, it is impossible to see their face. Well, with inventions like Skype or “FaceTime” this is no longer a problem. You can communicate with someone face to face over the phone.

Actually, the first time I heard about Skype was from a buddy of mine who was dating a girl that had left for college across the country. I remember him telling me that they skyped every single day and it had helped a lot to maintain the closeness that both of them were so vigorously craving.

ACTUAL Face Time

While things like Skype and FaceTime are fantastic tools for maintaining a technological closeness with your significant other nothing can beat actually seeing them in person. The feelings you feel, the ability to actually hold someone in your arms and do “other” things is part of the total package when you see someone in person. I don’t care what you say, in my mind nothing beats seeing someone you care about in person.

Every and I mean EVERY long distance relationship that has stood the test of time has a member taking time out of his/her schedule to see the other member in person. Now, that also presents us with an interesting problem…

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You Have To Have Money (or EXTREME Budgeting Skills)

This point kind of goes hand in hand with the one above, in order to see your significant other someone in the relationship has to be willing to shell out the $’s. I can’t tell you how many women I have communicated with on this site whose LDR failed because someone wasn’t willing to fork over the money when the break came in schedules to see each other.

No relationship can survive if the two people never see each other. Speaking of things that relationships can’t survive without…

Phone Sex

This may be a little controversial but this is my firm belief, no relationship can survive without sex.

So, that leaves you in a really bad spot when you first embark on a long distance relationship. I mean, what are you supposed to do?

Enter phone sex!

My friend (who I have mentioned a couple of times already on this page already) is one of the few people I know who has made a long distance relationship work. Let me give you his statistics. He has been dating his girlfriend for about five years (two of which were long distance.) When I asked him how he did it, how he could bear being away from his girlfriend that long he muttered two simple words.

“phone sex”

He told me that without phone sex he would have broken up with her. I have no statistics to back up the claim I am about to make but I think women can go without sex longer than men can. A point will eventually come where men, who have been on a “dry spell,” will start to wander else where. So, in order to combat a mans wandering eyes you have to actually schedule “phone sex sessions.”

Is It Even In Your Character To Do A LDR?

LDR meme

In the section above I described some of the characteristics/ things that all successful long distance relationships have. Now, lets not get in over our heads here, LDR’s are very hard. I am not going to lie to you, most long distance relationships I have dealt with fall apart because they require an extreme amount of patience and dedication.

I wanted to put this section on this page for one simple reason, I want YOU to know if you are cut out for a long distance relationship. There are certain people that just can’t do it. It isn’t in their character to do it. If you are one of those people don’t feel too bad. At least you have learned something about yourself.

Lets start with the type of women that ARE cut out for LDR’s.

Types Of Women Who Are Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You enjoy talking on your phone.
  • You don’t mind talking on your phone in public.
  • You have experience emailing, texting and calling on the phone multiple times a day.
  • You don’t mind going to new place and having experiences
  • You are a patient person.
  • You DON’T have any kids.
  • You are a phone sex goddess.

Ok, now that we have the “good qualities” for LDR’s out of the way lets focus on people who aren’t cut out for it.

Types Of Women Who Are NOT Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You hate talking on the phone.
  • You are not a constant emailer or texter.
  • You are very impulsive.
  • You are not patient.
  • You are not a fan of traveling.
  • When you talk you use a lot of body language to get your points across.
  • Deep down you aren’t willing to put in the work a LDR requires.

What I am about to say is really important so I want to make sure that you are listening because I am about to give you the key to knowing if a LDR with your ex boyfriend could possibly work if you get back together. Take a look at the two lists I created above. Essentially I gave you the qualities that you need to have in order to be willing to have a LDR. In addition, I gave you the qualities that you can’t have if you are going to do a LDR.

Now, I know you read those lists and immediately thought to yourself:

“I have ALL of the good qualities.”

Well, that is really great and all but you are only HALF the equation. In case I missed something I think that a relationship involves two people. When it comes to long distance relationships your man has to have the “good” qualities I listed above for you to have a shot at making this work. I want you to think really hard and figure out if you think HE has what it takes to make a LDR work.

The Headwind You Have To Face In A LDR

Long-Distance-Relationship2

While you are figuring out that little nugget of knowledge I gave you in the section above lets talk about some of the things you have working against you in a long distance relationship. You see, in order to get your ex boyfriend back if there is a considerable amount of distance separating you right now it is important to discuss all of the things that you have to overcome.

Just a word of warning, this section may be a little depressing. Don’t get too down though because I am going to give you the tools to combat all of this headwind later in this article. For now though, lets talk negatives.

Headwind #1- You Can’t Talk To Your Significant Other In Person

A normal relationship usually goes something like this:

Billy and Sally love each other. They live about 30 minutes from one another but spend time every single day together. They text, call and do all the things that are supposed to happen in a normal relationship

A long distance relationship probably goes like this:

George and Jeanie love each other. They are separated by two states. They do their best to call each other every day but their schedules are so busy that they sometimes forget to. The distance causes problems mostly because they haven’t seen each other in person in two months.

Make no mistake about it, being able to see someone you care about in person is a distinct advantage that regular relationships have over long distance ones.

Headwind #2- Touch and “Other Things ;)”

No hugging..

No kissing…

No holding hands…

NO SEX…

When I date someone I expect to do all of the above. Of course, I am a guy so being able to “touch” a woman is high up there on my list. What it all boils down to is that when you are physical with someone it provides a sense of security and togetherness that you just can’t make up over long distance. No doubt about it this is some serious headwind that you are going to have to figure out a way to overcome.

Headwind #3- No More Dates 🙁

I like dates!

I like the nervous feeling I get before I take a girl out for the first time. I like it all and I am not alone in this. While some guys will say they hate dating I think most of us enjoy them a lot more than we let on. When you are in a long distance relationship there are no more dates. Sure, maybe once a month one of you comes to see the other person. However, I am talking about the every week dates that happen when you are dating someone. In a LDR that just isn’t possible and as a result you are missing out on important bonding time that could further cement your relationship.

Headwind #5- Missing Out On Birthdays Or Other Special Occasions

Tell me if this story sounds familiar.

Billy and Sally are in a long distance relationship. For three straight months they have been an unbearable distance away from each other. Sally is having a birthday that Billy desperately wants to attend… only he can’t because of the distance.

Another negative of LDR’s is that you cannot attend your significant others birthday in person. Sure, you may give him a call but ultimately you can’t be there in person. Oh, but I am not only talking about birthdays here. Lets say that one person gets sick and you aren’t able to be there for them. What if a pet gets hurt, a child’s first step or word? These are all very important bonding moments in a relationships life and you could be missing out on them.

Headwind #6- The Commute

Lets fast forward for a minute and pretend that you and your ex boyfriend got back together. You implemented the steps on this page and are reunited ;). Well, in order to keep your relationship alive you have agreed that you will commute to see each other more in person. There is just one problem, you are having trouble agreeing on who should commute to who. If handled incorrectly this negotiation (for the commuted) could cause a strain in your relationship.

Headwind #7- Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

I saved this one for last for a reason, because it is the number one killer of long distance relationships.

Women tend to cheat for emotional reasons. Mostly because men aren’t giving them what they need emotionally.

Men on the other hand cheat because they get horny. I know it is a sad thing to hear but it is true. If a man is in a committed LDR there are going to be certain “dry spells” where he won’t be getting any. These dry spells will make that man horny and he will be more likely to cheat because of that.

Adding insult to injury, it is likely you won’t have any clue because the two of you are separated by so much distance.

What To Do After A LDR Breakup

crazy breakup girl

So, you and your ex broke up… now what?

You clearly want him back but are completely unsure on how to approach things because there is a great distance separating you. Not to mention all of the headwind I talked about above..

So, what are you supposed to do?

In my experience there are really only two ways things can go now.

  1. You can beg to be taken back essentially turning into a text or phone gnat (annoying your ex.)
  2. You can implement a no contact rule and work on evolving while the dust settles from the breakup fallout.

Option two please!

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The No Contact Rule

A lot of people ask me “will the no contact rule work if I was in a long distance relationship?”

You bet your butt it will. Admittedly, it will be more effective if you and your ex were used to talking to each other every single day. However, even if that wasn’t the case I would still recommend doing the no contact rule. Now, before I get into the nitty gritty lets talk a little about what the NC rule is.

The No Contact Rule A set period of time where you will not text, call, email, facebook, google plus, snap chat, skype or talk to your ex in any way shape or form.

In your case I am going to recommend that you do a NC rule for 30 days. That means that you have to stay in NC for an entire month without any slip ups. If you do slip up and talk to your ex then you are going to have to start over from day 1 again.

Why The NC Rule Works

I received an interesting email yesterday. One of my visitors was reading through the site and found solace in a paragraph on one of the pages. The paragraph was all about the guys perspective during the NC rule. Essentially describing why the NC rule can be so effective.

Since that person emailed me wanting to know more about the guys perspective during the NC rule I figured everyone would so I wanted to put this section in.

IF the no contact rule is implemented correctly and works here is what will happen in a guys mind:

Day 1: “I bet she is the one who breaks first and contacts me.”

Day 2: “Yea, she will definitely be the one who reaches out first.”

Day 3: “Why isn’t she reaching out?”

Day 6: “WTF is going on?? She was supposed to talk to me by now.”

Day 10: Your ex boyfriend will send out a text message checking up on you. Of course, you won’t respond to it.

Day 11: “Ok, now I am mad.. I can’t believe she ignored my text.”

Day 12: He will call you, which you will of course ignore.

Day 13: “That B&*ch, how could she do this?”

Day 15: “I totally hate her..”

Day 25: He will send out another text which you will ignore again.

Day 26: “That is it.. she is the scum of the earth…”

Day 30: You send out your first text to him and he literally runs around like a little girl filled with excitement.

What You Do During The NC Rule Is The Most Important Thing

funny bench

This is where a lot of people who come to this site fail. They think if they try out a 30 day no contact rule that all of their problems are over. After the thirty days their ex will just come running back into their arms. Sorry Charlie but it doesn’t work that way. While a part of the NC rule is for your ex a big part of it is for you.

What you do during the 30 days is essential to getting your ex back. Remember, this isn’t a vacation and if you want him back you have to be willing to put int the work. Now, people in long distance relationships have a pretty good advantage over normal relationships when it comes to this section.

Usually, with a normal relationship I recommend that women evolve during the 30 days into basically the hottest version of themselves that ever existed. That means, women in normal relationships have 30 days before they potentially could see their ex in person. While a lot can happen over the month I am not entirely sold on a life changing transformation happening in that amount of time. Where you have the advantage is the fact that it could be months before you even get to see your ex. While you may look at that fact and frown I tend to take the opposite approach.

The fact that it could be months before you see your ex in person just means that you have more time to prepare, more time to knock his socks off when he sees you.

I recommend picking up my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for ideas on how you can change both mentally and physically during the NC period.

The Mindset You Need To Have During No Contact

Sometimes in order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.

Women who understand this tend to do really well when it comes to getting an ex back. If you are an avid reader of this site then you will find the next phrase I am about to say all too familiar. Men want the unattainable. We want what we can’t have and since I am assuming that you want your ex boyfriend back really really badly right now he is sensing that he can have you.

Here is your main problem. Right now, you aren’t willing to walk away to get him back. I will never forget the time when I was a little boy and went with my dad to watch him negotiate for a car at a car dealership. The thing about my dad is that he is always prepared when it comes to these types of things. He did a lot of research and had what he thought was a fair price in mind. So, when the time came to haggle over the price the car salesman and my dad went back and forth. They haggled and haggled and haggled until my dad determined that he wasn’t going to be getting the price he wanted.

So, my dad did what you are supposed to do in these circumstances. In the middle of the negotiation he literally got up and said “Chris, come on we are leaving.” It took about ten steps before we heard a “wait, come back” from the car salesman. That little tactic just won my dad the negotiation as he got his price.

In this case it was “sometimes in order to get the car you have to be willing to lose the car.”

The Contact Guide For LDR’s

talk to me goose

Ah, now we are getting somewhere. In this section I am going to give a pretty in-depth game plan that you should follow when talking to an ex who you were in a long distance relationship with. Now, before I really dive in here I do want to mention that the ONLY time that you should begin this “contact guide” is when you have completed the 30 day no contact rule that I talked about so much above.

You are about to find out that the rules are just a little bit different when it comes to contacting an ex in a long distance relationship.

What Is Different About Contacting An LDR Ex Vs. A Normal Ex?

  • It is all about setting up a date where you see each other in person.
  • You are allowed to use things like Skype and FaceTime BUT only when I specify below.
  • You SHOULD take a little more time to build rapport with your ex.
  • IF you do succeed in reuniting you have to find ways around the headwind I talked about above.

Ok, enough talking. Lets get to the good stuff.

Your First Contact After NC

Before I dive in to the first contact text message I just want to make you aware that the example texts found below aren’t going to be enough for you. Inevitably you will always want more examples which is why I created The Texting Bible.

So, if you want to up your “texting game” I suggest you take a look at it. Especially since it’s such a vital part of getting an ex back in an LDR.

The first contact you have with your ex should be done via a text message like I recommend throughout my site.

What’s my best advice for sending out a first contact text message? Simple, make it so intriguing that he will have no choice but to respond to it. You should be planning your text message throughout the NC period. I would like to recommend that you run it through what I like to call the first contact text.

Remember, your first contact text message has to be so intriguing that he will have no choice BUT to respond.

So, before you send out any text you should ask yourself “is this intriguing enough for him to respond 100% of the time?”

Ah, but there is another key to first contact text messages that I am leaving out. They have to fill your ex up with a positive memory about you. You don’t have to send him anything controversial to accomplish this. If I was you I would try something like this:

faith first contact

(For more text examples like this please visit The Texting Bible.)

Lets say you sent this exact text and get a response from him, what then? Well, then I would like you to simply end the conversation with something like

“Marie just showed up, I have to go but I will talk to you later :).”

The key with sending a first contact text message to a LDR isn’t to try to get him back. It’s to test him to see if he will be receptive to talking.

The Random Meme

I love internet memes.

In fact, I have an app on my iPhone that is actually JUST for memes. Whenever I get bored I start looking through the memes and just have a good laugh.

What is a meme you ask?

Hmm… I am not sure I can really define them in words. It is better if I just show you.

The Buffy Meme

buffy meme

The Photoshop Meme

photoshop meme

The Superman Meme

superman meme

As you can see, memes are meant to be light and funny. They are the type of things that will go viral in the blink of an eye. If you search the internet there are literally hundreds of thousands of memes out there. What I want you to do is send your ex a text with one of these memes (you pick what you think if funny around the internet.)

You are testing to see if he will respond. If he does respond then you are going to engage him in a very light conversation. You don’t want to engage him in any relationship talk yet. Sending out the “random meme text” is more to test him to see if he is responsive when talking to you. After you engage him for a while I then want you to end the conversation. It is important that YOU end it because it puts you in a position of power and will hopefully leave him wanting more.

If he doesn’t respond to your “meme” then that just means you have to go back into NC for about a week before you try texting him again.

The Remember The Good Times Text Message

If you are familiar with my monster 10k word post on how to get your ex boyfriend back then you should be familiar with this text message. With this text message you are really trying to get your ex boyfriend to remember some of the good memories you had together. So, I want you to brainstorm and list all the special memories you had together. These have to be memories that you know for a fact that your ex enjoyed.

Now, I do feel it is important to point out that you can’t use any sexual memories or anything of that nature yet. The memories you pick have to be strictly PG rated. I would try something like:

swarm of bees text

(Again, if you want more in-depth information on texting I suggest you pick up The Texting Bible.)

Notice how I chose a bonding experience in the above example. The closer you felt together during an experience the better it is. Also, another little nugget of knowledge I can give you is to make sure you use a lot of details. You don’t want to use so many details that you end up having to send 3 texts. However, try to include as many details as possible.

Now, lets assume that he responds to your “remembering the good times” text. What I want you to do is engage him in a conversation. Text him for around 3-5 hours that particular day. Once those 3 hours are up I want you to just not respond. End the conversation by not responding. Remember, our mantra here is to always leave him wanting more.

Let’s Sprinkle In A Little Jealousy

Jealousy can be a very powerful emotion. I have found that couples have gotten back together on jealousy alone. While I don’t recommend getting back together with someone b/c they are jealous and don’t want to see you with anyone else I do think it is ok to sprinkle in a little jealousy to remind your man what he is missing out on.

Of course, you do have a small problem since you were in a long distance relationship with this person.

How are they supposed to see you with someone else initially making them jealous? Well, they can’t but don’t worry I have found a way around this. It is called Facebook! Actually, I don’t want to dive in too deeply here because I already created a post that will help you pimp out your Facebook profile and I cover jealousy in there too!

As far as using jealousy directly with your ex via a text message the key here is to be subtle. Here is an unknown fact about this site, did you know that I actually get men contacting me? Yes, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a site dedicated to women. However, every once in a while there is a man that will reverse engineer the process and wind up on this site because he wants his ex girlfriend back.

A few months ago I had one particular man that really wanted his girlfriend back. He wound up on my site and figured that jealousy was the best way to accomplish this goal. There was just one problem, he didn’t read my warning:

You have to be subtle when you use jealousy directly.

He ended up telling me that he sent his ex girlfriend a text like this:

“I just went out with a really hot waitress last night!”

You can imagine how well that went over with the ex. The key to pulling off a jealousy text isn’t to actually tell your ex that you are out with someone new, it is to plant the idea in their head and let their minds run wild with all kinds of assumptions. One of my favorite ways to accomplish this is by sending a “romantic movie text”

romantic movie text

There are a couple of things I want to go over now. The reason this text is amazing at making an ex boyfriend jealous is that it is so subtle that your ex has to make all kinds of assumptions.

Romantic movie? Was she on a date?

A friend? Was this a guy friend?”

Time To Kick Things Up A Notch

Who doesn’t love a compliment? Let me rephrase that. Who doesn’t love a compliment from the opposite sex. One of my friends said it best:

I don’t care what she looks like, as long as I am getting compliments I am doing things right.

I don’t think you women realize the amazing effect that they have on men. Personally speaking, I am one compliment from the opposite sex away from having a great day. Oh, and I am one put down from the opposite sex to having a bad day. If you are going to compliment your ex boyfriend who you were in a long distance relationship with you have to be really careful.

Part of the reason that I made you jump through all those texting hoops in the previous section (first contact, meme, etc) was to kind of butter your ex up for this type of a text message. I want you to send him a compliment. Yes, it is a risk and you could fall flat on your face but in the end fortune favors the brave so it is time to be brave.

This compliment has to be different though. You have to be detailed and you have to send it at the right time. I recommend sending it when the two of you are in an emotional texting conversation. Here is an example I would use:

compliment text

This is kind of do or die for you. What you are looking for here is a positive response. Ideally, you want him to say more than “thank you.” You want a really positive response and perhaps even get him to compliment you. I would end the conversation after you send this text though no matter what.

Remember, always leave him wanting more.

I Miss You..

Assuming you have progressed this far you are in really good shape. Now it is time to heat things up just a little bit more. After you have gotten very positive responses on all the previous texts I want you to send a “I miss you” text message. This can’t be a simple “I miss you” though. You have to dress it up and kind of make it seem like you aren’t saying “I miss you.”

How do you do that?

Simple, you add lots and lots of details.

Take a look at the example below:

i miss you

(Lots and lots of texts huh? Well, I have 250+ more examples waiting for ya 😉 .)

Notice how that is nothing more than just a really complicated way of saying “I miss you.” You essentially dress the “I miss you” up in details that it doesn’t seem like you are missing your significant other. Obviously, you are looking for another positive response from your long distance partner here. If he responds in a positive way you can move on to the next section.

The Skype of FaceTime Call

skype

(Disclaimer: if you don’t have Skype or FaceTime then you can skip on to the next section.)

If you were in a long distance relationship then I am sure you are pretty aware of what Skype and FaceTime are. If not, they are essentially video software you can download to your smartphone (or computer) that will let you talk to the person face to face electronically.

It is essentially a step above texting. If you have progressed to this point of the page then that means you and your ex are ready to talk in person again (kind of ;).)

I want you to initiate a skype call where you kind of lay your cards out on the table. I want you to finally have an in-depth talk about your relationship. No, you aren’t asking him if he wants to get back together. I just want you to discuss your relationship and any feelings that you may be having for each other still.

Some key points for the Skype/FaceTime call

  • Be very confident.
  • Be very pleasant and happy.
  • DO NOT lose your temper.
  • Try to remain calm about everything.
  • Smile a lot.
  • Make sure you look amazing.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell interesting stories.

The Call (Duh Duh Duhhh..)

I ONLY want you to do this IF the skype call went extremely well. This is it! This is where you are going to try to see your ex in person again. Everything up until this point was just to prepare you for this moment. No pressure though haha ;).

Alright, you are going to make a phone call to your ex and see if you can set up a date where you two can see each other. Since there is long distance involved one of you is going to have to agree to come see the other one. I would actually recommend that YOU be the one that comes to him. That will require you to clear your schedule and have some extra spending cash which is why I want you to call him and let him know (to see if he digs the idea or not.) If he does then you are in! Great job.

If not, then that means you need to reenter NC for a while and try again later. Perhaps do a better job of recreated attraction during the text message portion. For that, I recommend checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

So, that’s it. A kind of condensed version of getting your ex boyfriend back if you are in a long distance relationship. I realize there will be a lot of questions since I did leave out some stuff. If you have any questions feel free to comment in the comments section below.

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5,205 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

  1. Avatar

    Ana

    May 13, 2020 at 4:44 pm

    Hello,
    My boyfriend just broke up with me via phone after having a long distance relationship, saying he does not love anymore. It’s hard for me to believe and I am really hurt. The reason is that he says it happened suddenly, without any explanation, given the fact that our relationship was going well. After the breakup, he sent me a message that he wants to see again. I told him: OK. I will wait for you. Let me know when you can come.But he did not say any date (maybe because of the travel bans but still he can give me some input…).
    What do you think I should do?
    Thank you
    All the best,
    Ana

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 2:39 pm

      Hi Ana, so the best thing to do is start with a No Contact for at least 30 days 45 if you feel you need more. Give him time to miss you and yourself some time to work on your Holy Trinity. I would use social media to show you are living your life best you can under the circumstances. So he can see you are not sat at home waiting for him to contact you. And when travel restrictions ease, be sure not to be too available for him

  2. Avatar

    Chloe

    April 25, 2020 at 3:12 am

    We have been together for three years and we see each twice a year. I’m moving to his city to pursue a degree but it got postponed by a semester due to the virus. So we broke a couple of weeks ago. I tried no contact. I was a text/call gnat. He said he’ll come back for me someday and then he would say he won’t. On and off like that. But yesterday I pushed to hard and he threatened to block me if I contact him again. I really love him. We had a lot of good times more than bad times.

    Could you advice on what to do?

    Thank you so much in advance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 12:55 pm

      Hi Chloe, the advice is the same as the articles you need to go into a No Contact, stop gnatting him.

  3. Avatar

    Mandy

    April 22, 2020 at 7:26 pm

    My boyfriend and I met online and kicked it started. I guess the connection was easier because we’re from the same country before he moved to Europe and he had always admired me even though I didn’t know him as at then. Note: we were in the same middle school. We’ve been in a LDR for 6 months and he broke up with me 3 days ago. His excuse was that he’s now taking all his classes online and doesn’t get enough time for himself and since it’s abnormal for couples to go 5 days without talking to each other, he suggest we go our separate ways to avoid future trauma. I felt I was the one doing most of the checking ups and he wouldn’t text me till I did. Initially, we used to talk most of the time via text or video call. So I gave time to see if he would ever text me first which he didn’t…for 5 days. I texted him on the 6th day asking if everything was okay with him and unexpectedly, he gave me that reply. I do love him and wish I could win him back. I know he loves me too but is feeling bad for the fact that we can’t communicate much. I had plans of coming to see him during my summer vacation but I guess it won’t be possible since we’re not together now. Do I still use the NC rule?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 10:34 am

      Hi Mandy, yes you still need to use NC

  4. Avatar

    Nancy

    March 8, 2020 at 6:21 pm

    Hi, I was in a LDR for 2 years. We both loved each other and tried our best to make it work. We both come from different religious backgrounds and that’s why we didn’t tell our families about our relationship. Everything was going smooth. He was the one always making things work but this year he wasn’t giving me enough attention and one day I was so angry at him and asked if he wants this relationship or not, to which he replied “I don’t want this anymore” and after that we didn’t talk for 2 weeks and then yesterday, I texted because I sent him a gift but the address was wrong so I asked him to pick it up from the nearest distribution centre but he ignored my text. Finally after 10-12 desperate texts he responded saying “I will pick it up. Please don’t text me again” this sentence triggered and i tried Winning him back. I literally begged him to come back but he said he couldn’t do it anymore he said he needs to focus on other things and when I asked him what other things he didn’t give me a proper reply. Deep down, I feel he’s seeing someone. But its been 20 days JUST 20 DAYS. I am not sure if he has moved on. What should I do to get him back? We both were pretty serious about relationship. I was even planning to move to the same city he’s currently living in after my post graduation.

  5. Avatar

    Jo

    March 2, 2020 at 8:04 pm

    Hi, some advice needed for my breakup.
    I was in a relationship for my girlfriend for about 5years and we just break up 3 days ago. However is it a peaceful break up as we didn’t cheating or do anything extreme. My gf gave me the reason that she already have no feelings with me and can’t see the future with us as she is not planning to come and stay over with me. The reason for no feeling is that I neglected her and didn’t made the effort to listen to her or guide her during recent years due to my busy work schedule.
    After that break up we still talk normally as we really appreciate each other and want each other to have a better life. During the chats she also did initiate chats topic and text me to check I did wake up in the morning because usually I will text her if I wake up. However in the night when I want to try to call her , she will find ways to avoid or reject the calls but still drop me a good night message.
    I am not sure if I should stick with the no contact rule because the main reason for breakup is that I am neglecting her during the relationship.

    And also if you would suggest me to use the no contact rule how should I start it? Because I am already talking with her after the breakup already.

    Thank you in advance

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 10:14 am

      Hi Jo, so you need to go into a No Contact, you just start. Drop off the face off the earth and just go into No Contact for 30 days where you work on yourself. Your ex is going to be confused, maybe angry, maybe ask you why you are not talking to them but that is the point of NC let them be confused and worry that you are moving on. Don’t worry about making them angry, don’t worry about being rude.

  6. Avatar

    Grace

    February 29, 2020 at 5:29 pm

    My ex and I met when he was in my city for work. We were head over heels from the start, spent every day together for the few weeks he was there, and agreed to do distance when he went back to his city (thousands of miles away) until I could come visit him.

    The long distance relationship was everything a girl could ask for and more. We had trust, communication, planned a future together, I even met his family at Christmas and I adore them.

    When I went to stay with him for about a month, I realized he’s actually WAY more important than he originally let on. Meanwhile, in this city I got very sick, and had no friends or activities to attend while he was at work. He was my whole world. This led to extreme insecurity and communication issues on my part, as I was very in my own head 24/7. I wanted to disappear and barely even SPOKE, because although I was confident before, I suddenly felt I had nothing to offer this amazing man.

    My last relationship and my father were both physically and emotionally abusive, and for that reason I will also do anything to avoid conflict. I almost never open up about negative feelings, but my ex doesn’t know the extent of this. Now I’m back in my city and my life, and we had an amicable break up shortly after I got back because he said the spark faded. And it had, because I had lost my confidence.

    I know we could reignite it if I was given the opportunity. I’m a catch honestly, I just needed time to remind myself of that. It’s been 10 days NC, he hasn’t reached out, and he doesn’t have any social media. I intend to do the full 30 at LEAST. Any other advice? This is unfinished business.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 11:17 pm

      Hi Grace so thats good you are doing the No Contact and for 30 days and make sure that you work the Ungettable information in that time

  7. Avatar

    Briana

    February 7, 2020 at 3:07 pm

    Some advice would be super please. Am dating someone (5 months now) who lives approximately 13000 km away. We are aiming to see each other around four times this year. The concern is that he is not consistent with his communication. He does contact within 24 hours yet many times the contact is superfluous. In person he is fantastic but I’m starting to believe he beats by the drum of out of sight, out of mind.
    I don’t want to break up with him but how do I let him know that the minimal contact is unacceptable.
    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 7, 2020 at 9:36 pm

      Hey Briana, if that is the case I suggest you match his efforts in communication. If he comments how you are not available to him as much as you used to be match his excuses, or tell him you’ve been busy with friends etc. On that note, it is not essential for couple to speak all day every day even if they are long distance. Arranging skype calls for a catch up a few times a week along with some texts through the day would be the MAX I would expect from someone I was in a relationship with

  8. Avatar

    Kasie

    February 6, 2020 at 1:48 am

    I was with my boyfriend for 1.5 years before he moved states to pursue work. We had such a strong, positive relationship. Working really well with the distance- we did this for a whole year. I thkught it was going great and i knew there was no end date to when he would be coming home, but he knew I was willing to move once I finished my degree. He broke up with me last week (Wednesday), saying he couldn’t give to me what I give to him, he wasn’t happy, he didn’t feel the same. It’s not me it’s him etc etc. I am trying to implement the no contact rule, it’s been 4 days. I have a total gut feeling this isn’t it and that there is more going on then he is not happy with me. Which I can’t understand as we had the most healthiest, positive, happy relationship ever. Also the fact he said he potentially sees my in his future, he wants time and space alone. I’m totally heart broken as I believe he was my soul mate. And even now I’ve tried reflecting and asking myself what I want, which is him. This is the second time breaking up, he broke up with me 3 weeks prior out of the blue and all responses were “I don’t know. Im not sure. I’m confused.” As I believe he is the good one and worth fighting for. I think I’ve read every single article on here to help me. I am struggling so much, I took the quiz and got 80/100. How do I get through the 30 day’s goal of no contact when I’m scared he’s too proud or stubborn to admit he made a mistake. I am genuinely worried somethjng more is going on, he was so cold when I asked for some closure. I don’t know what to do. I am trying so hard to stay positive with positive affirmations and working on myself, but I know he is so worth the difficult time. Please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 7, 2020 at 9:18 pm

      Hey Kasie if there is something going on think of it this way. You can not control that. What you can control is how you deal with the situation and how you work to become Ungettable and make him realise your worth. 30 days of No Contact while following the Holy Trinity work is going to make it possible where you stay strong.

  9. Avatar

    JJ

    January 18, 2020 at 11:53 pm

    He is not my ex. We met on a dating app. I’m 22 living on the East Coast and he’s 23 living in the Midwest. We’ve been talking for the past 4 months. The past 4 months have been amazing. We started off with a great connection and are so open and free with eachother. In our 3rd month of talking he made the spontaneous decision to book a flight to come meet me. We met eachother last month and spent a whole weekend together. That weekend brought us closer together and we admitted to liking each other and said that the chemistry was natural. At the airport he told me that we will see eachother again, he will come back and this isn’t the end.
    It’s been a month now and since the New Year started he’s been acting distant. He still texts me and sends me memes but he doesn’t flirt, doesn’t send snaps, and won’t facetime me unless I initiate it.
    Today we spoke on facetime and he said that he doesn’t want me to see him in a romantic way anymore and to not place these expectations anymore. His mind has changed and is reconsidering us. Despite being on the phone for over an hour it’s hard to understand his reasons for this change of heart. I asked if he likes someone else and he said that he doesn’t and isn’t in the space to commit himself to anyone. He feels the need to prioritize and work on himself and won’t be able to do that if he’s involved in a romantic relationship because he’ll prioritize that over himself. He said that he’s still been keeping contact because it’s easier to keep things light hearted and be friends than it is to be romantic.
    I asked if he still wanted to see me again and he said no because we’ll be in this cycle of building excitement, have a great weekend and then have it all drop when we go back home. It’s frustrating that he knows our feelings would spark in person and instead of pursuing it, he’s putting a lid over it. I’m even willing to fly to him but it’s still a no.
    For now we decided to give each other space and I guess start being friends? I have zero desire to be friends but I wish there was a way I could use friendship as a tool to bring us back on track. I feel so lost. I finally meet a guy who checks off all the boxes and it feels like he’s been ripped out of my life. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 6:55 pm

      Hi JJ, so this is where you have been friendzoned, I am guessing because he does not want to deal with the long distance relationship and the hard times it comes with. If you want this guy to be interested in you then you need to increase your value in him, where you build up the quality your conversations you have with him rather than just how frequent they are. Posting that you are casually dating other guys and being on the dating apps is going to show him you are accepting his friendship and when you start getting to know other guys he is hopefully going to get jealous which will make him feel like he needs to act before you meet someone else.

  10. Avatar

    Tas

    January 14, 2020 at 1:09 pm

    hey ! thanks for this article, you gave me a bit of hope of getting my ex back even though it’s hopeless.

    Do you this would work? even though we broke up because of his parents not wanting us to be together. He listened to them, and he told me that I have to move on.

    Is this worth the try or not ?

    Thank you so much

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 9:14 pm

      Hi Taz, so you need to look at why his parents do not want you to be together? The fact that they did not want you to be together and he ended things that quickly shows how much influence they have on his life choices so if it something that can be changed, work on those things, if it can not then consider if its worth moving on as you are not going to be able to change those reasons, and you need someone who is going to stand up for themselves if their parents don’t want them to do something in their lives (this is basing it on the fact that you are grown adults not teenagers)

  11. Avatar

    Kennedy

    January 13, 2020 at 9:08 pm

    Hey, I dated this boy for a year before he moved three hours away for college. We had the best relationship and never fought until he moved away. We broke up mutually 2 months ago because he never had time for me between school and his extracurriculars and he thought it would be easier if we weren’t together. He insists on remaining friends and talks about possibly getting back together after this semester of school is over in the summer. I have begged him to get back together and to be with me these past two months, which I now know I shouldn’t have done. I saw him a couple of times over Christmas break and it was if we were old friends catching up, it was great. We still communicate on snapchat everyday but I want to know what I should do to get him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:03 pm

      Hey Kennedy, I think if you want to get him back then you need to take some time to work on yourself, and consider if you are willing to and able to have a long distance relationship where you are not going to get much of his time as he is going to be studying, and partying with friends during college. Even if you are talking daily, you need to consider is this enough if you are in a relationship with someone? If yes then start following the program to re attract your ex

  12. Avatar

    Mathew Favour

    December 22, 2019 at 11:17 am

    My name is Favour I had a misunderstanding with my boyfriend over money issues and some other things .truth be told I told him some hurtful words like if can’t give me the money he promise then I will breakup I also went ahead to tell him that he can’t be reaping where he is not sowing
    I said a whole lot to him and after awhole lot he decided to breakup with me bcos i initiated it
    I really love my boyfriend a lot i just want him back please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 22, 2019 at 5:58 pm

      Hi Favour you need to reach out after you no contact in a calm and friendly way so that your ex knows oyu are not angry anymore and hope that they are not angry either

  13. Avatar

    Ezzah

    December 11, 2019 at 5:17 am

    Before I had to forcefully move countries he’s always told me that he won’t give up until I say so but now a 2 months into the LDR he says that he can’t get over the fact that I left and he can’t do this anymore. He said he will post my things and message me when everything is sorted with my uni accommodation that I left immediately. He has already blocked removed me from Snapchat, changed his relationship status on Facebook to single and not talking to me. Since he stopped talking to me I haven’t messaged him back last we talked was the final try where I begged and asked him to call me back because we couldn’t finish the conversation and he hasn’t called me back. I have this feeling that after he sorts my place out there and mails me my stuff he will break all the contact block me from wherever it’s left. Once thing would like to add he haven’t changed his whatsapp profile picture of us but I assume he haven’t noticed that’s why. What should I do now? We never had a big fight or break up and were always happy when I was there and together until one day he decided that he can’t get over the fact I left. Should I still move forward with the no contact rule or maybe shorten the time period? Or should I do something else? Please help me I’m losing patience and fear I might show him that I’m desperate to get him back and annoy the heck out of him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 5:51 pm

      Hi Ezzah so you nede to do a full no contact where you do not speak to him for a solid 30 days minimum, no replying to messages or anything. You have broken up and you need to give him the chance to miss you and consider how he feels. And then from there you can start reaching out as a friend / treating him as someone new who you are trying to attract. Look up Chris posts about the texting phase so that you fully understand it before the end of your no contact

  14. Avatar

    Ezzah

    December 9, 2019 at 4:42 am

    What if in this whole situation it is not possible to visit him at any stage because of some other issues? And being able to meet him actually depends on being us together for a certain period of time (ie 3 years). What do you recommend in this situation.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 9, 2019 at 7:04 pm

      Hey Ezzah, so when you are in a long distance relationship the end goal is supposed to be about you not being, long distance. So if there is no chance of you ever being together then you are going to have to be worth the 3 year wait. Now in that time you can work on being Ungettable so that your ex feels you are going to be worth that wait. So consider the long term plans before focusing solely on getting your ex back

  15. Avatar

    Annie

    December 6, 2019 at 2:12 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me about 5 days ago. Long distance for about 7 months. Soul mate material. We never fought, had great communication, attraction& support of one another. From the same home town. Spent a handful of weekends together, met his family. Everything was perfect. Out of nowhere he broke it off saying there was no end goal. He didn’t ever want to move home and would never ask me to move with him. But everything besides that was so perfect? Cut off all communication texting calls & social media. I’m heart broken. Do I have a chance

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 5:14 pm

      Hey Annie, so following the program and read all the long distance information you can on this website to help you along the way. Following the program properly will give you your best chance of getting him back

  16. Avatar

    Josie

    November 20, 2019 at 11:24 am

    Hi there,

    Big fan of your website and articles! And right now I wanted to give this comment section a try haha.
    Almost 3 months ago my ex and I broke up, due to his starting career as a medical specialist which is of course very time consuming and the pressure to perform is high. I’ve been devastated ever since.
    We met oversees and it was so to say love at first sight.. after we both were back in Europe he immediately booked a flight (1hour flight) to come and see me and to figure out if it really was Love. Well it was and so our relationship started. Both head over heels! We can talk about everything, have the same values and we come from similar background. It just all clicked, was easy. He told me I was the first woman in his life that he would marry and that feeling was completely mutual. We were fantasizing about our future together and met eachothers families quite soon. We saw eachother about every 3 weeks so that’s quite often i’d say. But then he started working in a academical hospital and didn’t know What hit him. I could feel him being stressed but never could I imagine him breaking up with me after a month in his job.. over FaceTime. I decided to go there and talk, because i was not going to let the Love of my life to walk away like that. That was the bravest and hardest and best thing I ever did, because we talked and cried and laughed and loved that last weekend. Told him I Understood his situation and that I would take a step back for him to sort it out and get used to his new life and the pressure that comes with it. He made a rational decision so he told me, and still loved me, but needed to be on his own for awhile. Couldn’t handle the intensity of a LDR with it. Also he thinks it is too much for me to leave everything behind just to move to him (What if you don’t find a job here, What about your friends and your loving family). But he cannot decide that for me!!
    After that we spoke over text for like two more weeks, and after we both went into NC so it seemed. I was at an absolute low point and started therapy. He reached out to me once in a while and I did too. But not very long intense conversations or anything. Last week was his birthday and we talked on the phone for over an hour. Super fun and nice but again no emotional talk or hints at a meetup… I’m back at NC right now and would Love to know How I can get him to meet me in his city without me looking desperate. I’m afraid if I don’t take matters into my own hands, he will not step over his pride or depressing thoughts about us not working out and that he will forever be the dream man that ‘could have been’ for me.

    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 10:03 pm

      Hey there, so your best chance is following the program where you also do some reading on how to do this when in a long distance relationship. Where you are willing to move to him which is great, you also need him to want you to go there too. Giving him a full No Contact where you do not speak or respond to him for 30 days is going to be an important part of your process

  17. Avatar

    Shant

    November 18, 2019 at 5:16 am

    He broke up with me and for a while before the break up he was distant and we had a huge argument and one or two the week after the breakup.this is both our first relationship and We both messed up in the relationship he was a stonewaller and I was a needy person. So before I went into no contact we agreed to FaceTime on thanksgiving.He also assured me that he wouldn’t be using that time for females but for himself which I trust bc he’s never been the flirty type. So I guess I shouldnt ask him bc that would only anger him?t has been 27 days no contact so far. For background we were in a long distance relationship for almost 2 1/2 years. So how would I build up in this situation being that we are supposed to FaceTime each other not text? Should I text him before thanksgiving? Also we were following each other on ig and he was watching my stories for the first week and a half then all of a sudden he unfollowed me. I never showed I was sad, I was showing I was having a great time without him actually. In the past, he Used to unfollowed me on ig or block me on other social media bc he said he was angry. Maybe he unfollowed me to get a rise out of me or bc he couldn’t understand how I’m doing so great without him? I didn’t unfollow him back bc I’m trying to make it look like I didn’t notice, even though it hurts. Instead I just deleted my Instagram app so I didn’t have the urge to see what he’s doing. However since he did that this past week my nervousness has from the first week of no contact had come back so sometimes it feels like I am going backwards. I honestly have spent a ton of tine with my friends and family got a new hairstyle and am trying so hard, but whenever I’m alone I think about him still which sucks. I’m glad I’m going over 30 days, more like 38, bc for some reason I still miss him so much. Also He lives in Alabama and I live in California. I have family in Georgia and he was there with me at their house last year. I am actually spending time in Georgia the week before Christmas so that would be the nearest time to see him. But that’s only a month after thanksgiving and I’m sure getting him back will take some time? Before I go to Georgia do u think that I should mention it to him that I will be around his area or no? Also the article mentions building the relationship through the phone but how often should u contact them after no contact . 3 days-week or more? Sorry for the long rant wanted to get all my concerns out now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 12:25 pm

      Hey Shant, so no I wouldn’t send a thanksgiving message, also avoid birthdays and other holidays if they fall around your No Contact period. If you are going to be in his area the impact of posting that you are in his town and DID NOT reach out to him will affect him more. Making him wonder why you didnt and was anyone else with you and thats why you didnt ask to see him. Complete the No Contact and work on becoming Ungettable and then when you do reach out at the end of your 30 days (it is getting close to Christmas at this point so be mindful on what day you reach out) and just attempt to have a short positive conversation not about your relationship or the past. Just as friends and build it up gradually from there

  18. Avatar

    Sara

    November 16, 2019 at 6:28 pm

    Hi
    What if my ex online boyfriend doesn’t text me at all during these 30 days of applying NC rule because I told him I didn’t wanna talk to him anymore?
    Should I be waiting for him to text first?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 18, 2019 at 9:02 pm

      Hi Sara so it does not matter if your ex reaches out or not during your NC what DOES matter is you not talking to them for 30 days and working on yourself in that time. Then you reach out on day 31 with a nice friendly text to start a short conversation.

  19. Avatar

    Aisling

    November 14, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    I was with my boyfriend for 3 years in lreland, when he decided he wanted to go to Canada. I was not surprised as he always expressed his interest in travel. I am unable to work in Canada so he decided he’d go for 9 months. After 8 months he broke up with me in August, he didnt know if he’d be happy to come home and it led to many arguments. I was devastated. He said he just needed space to think as he still saw his future with me. I had already booked flights to visit him in October prior to the break up so I still went with two of my friends. When I visited him we had the best week, there was a lot of tears because he didnt want to loose me. He said we were practically back together and he just needed to make a commitment to a date to come home. He said the week I was with him was the happiest he had been since he left home and he had been lonely without me. Two weeks after I came home he decided he was done with the relationship and he didnt see a future with me anymore. I had pressured him for answer about whether ws were back together or not. Again I was devastated, worse this time then the first. I reallt thought we were gonna get back toegther. I offered to move over but he said no as he thought I would be unhappy as Im a home bird.He blocked me on all social media. After a week I emailed him and asked could we talk. He said he didnt want to talk just yet. I am now on day 7 of no contact.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 15, 2019 at 12:05 am

      Hi Aisling, it sounds as if your going to have to read up aobut how to get an ex back who is long distance and doing so learn about how to be Ungettable too. Giving him some space is going to be hard but you can 100% do the work that is needed. Maybe consider going travelling yourself (not to Canada) and show him you are more than just a home girl and are willing to visit the world

  20. Avatar

    Raay

    November 14, 2019 at 4:23 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Just two days ago my ex broke up with me, and I feel miserable. Background: I’m from Canada and my ex-boyfriend is from New Zealand. We met at a virtual game where you can meet new people and hang out in the game. It was on December 3, 2018 that we started dating. We met 3 weeks before dating. At first we decided that our relationship stays in the game, but months later we realized that we loved each other outside of the game and we chose to text and call outside of the game. Step by step we gotten more serious, we fell in love with each other(Well the day he met me, he fell in love with me already). He is such a good man, he treats me really good. I even decided to go see him next year in April. We loved each so much. He even said “The only way that you’ll lose me is if you’re unhappy with me”. I was indeed very happy with him. We had arguments but we overcome it and still stayed together. In September of this year he found an engineering job, so he work mornings until the evenings. Of course our time zone is completely different, he did not have much time for me which I completely understand, but he some how managed to find a time to call and text me. Later throughout the month, he started to feel stressed and getting lacks of sleep. Hes been going through alot, and I had to be there for him and support him, but with my selfish ways, i was getting a bit angry because he didnt had time for me, when I know hes going through some rough times. I started to swallow my selfishness and accept that he has no time for me and that I got to wait for him whenever he is free. We started to have more arguments because of me. He kept apologizing and i would just get annoyed, but after I realized what my action is doing, I calmed down and accept his apology and i even apologized to him for being rude towards him. The following month which is October, he was going through some rough times again, and of course im there to support him and give encouragement. I myself was going through a difficult time, where my anger takes out on people. I started to feel insecure about myself, and I never spoke my mind about it to him. He would always ask me “whats wrong” but i kept pushing him away by saying “nothing”, “dont worry about it”, “just leave me alone”. Until this day I regretted for saying those things. November came by… 2 days ago in the afternoon (for him is the morning in New Zealand), we were doing fine, we would say “i love you” and i told him “have fun at work”. 3 hours later, i started to feel insecure. So i asked him a question “have you ever thought about breaking up with me” and he said no and he asked me why. I told him that im not worthy, and he kept saying that I am. It was a back and forth thing which lead to an argument, he kept giving me encouraging words but i didnt accept it so we stopped talking. At that moment i post a Instagram story saying “just when people are there for you… i guess i was wrong”. So from there he saw it and he decided to break up with me. Of course I couldnt accept it, so i kept telling him to not leave me, i kept begging him. I was crying so much that I kept begging him to stay. I even asked him why now, we’ve been together for 11 months and that he promised me not to leave me. Its like he changed, he got colder towards me no matter how i plead him to stay with me. He said “ I’m sorry, it’s over I just can’t do this right now I don’t have the time or energy my stress levels have skyrocketed and I barely sleep anymore I love you but i cant”. He said he still loves me like how he first met me, but he cant be with me anymore. I was so confused and I don’t understand at all. I wanted more reasons why cant do it anymore. He want use to remain friends, which is fine.. but its hard for me because being friends with the person you love, hurts. I felt broken, I lost the most important person in my life. I love him so much and I wish we’re together. So I came to this site to find a solution. I want him back, but when I saw the NC rule, I decided to do it. Its really tempting to text him, but to get him back with no failure, i got to do the NC rule. I also need space to heal myself and get my life together. Thank you for this article, because I really need this and I’m trying my hardest not to feel miserable.

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