The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Long distance relationships are hard. Getting an ex back who you had a long distance relationship is even harder. Today, I am going to tackle this very complex subject and give you a set of actionable steps you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your relationship back. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning that this page is probably going to end up being the second longest in the history of this site. A lot of people have contacted me directly begging for a page like this so I took a lot of time to research and brainstorm a plan for getting an ex back in this specific circumstance.

Before I really get started I want to mention that while this guide is probably one of the most in-depth ones ever created about long distance relationships it pails in comparison to the training I put together for you below.

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February 1, 2017

1 - What Are Long Distance Relationships?

long distance relationship

What a stupid question right? I mean, you don’t really need to know what a LDR (long distance relationship) is right?


In this section we are going to define long distance relationships and talk about the different kinds of LDR’s that exist in today’s society.

Long Distance Relationships- A specific type of relationship where the couple is separated by a considerable amount of distance.

The keyword in that definition is “considerable.” You might be shocked to learn that a lot of people who I have communicated with as a result of this site think they are in a LDR because they live an hour away from their partner. That is simply not true. In my mind, a true long distance relationship is one where you are separated by states, countries or even oceans. That is where the word “considerable” comes into play. A considerable amount of distance to me has to be a minimum of 500 miles.

Now, lets talk a little about the different kinds of long distance relationships that currently exist.

The Marriage LDR

This is always a tough one to deal with. In this long distance relationship the couple in question is married. Perhaps at one time they even lived together. However, a certain set of circumstances have caused one of them to relocate (a considerable amount of distance away.) Now, since this page is dealing specifically with ex boyfriends don’t let that fool you, this page can work for married couples who have broken up as well.

The Move Away LDR

This is another one of those stories I hear way too often when it comes to long distance relationships. Here is how this one works. Basically, a couple is dating and doing fine. However, after time one of the couple members are presented with an opportunity that causes them to move away for a considerable distance (or in some cases they are forced to.) If you and your ex are in a situation like this then this page can work for you.

The “Few Months” LDR

Believe it or not but I have actually dealt with a lot of women in this exact predicament. How this type of long distance relationship works is pretty simple. A couple is dating and due to a certain set of circumstances one of them has to relocate (very similarly to the marriage LDR above.) Of course, there is one BIG difference. Instead of relocating indefinitely the person that relocated is only going to be gone for a few months. If you and your boyfriend have broken up and have a very similar story to the “few months” LDR then this page can definitely work for you. However, you might also want to check this page out too.

The Internet To Person LDR

This is an interesting type of relationship. Initially, you met your (now ex boyfriend) online and that led to you meeting in person. The thing is though, when you met online you were separated by a considerable amount of distance and even today you are separated by a considerable amount of distance. If this sounds like your situation then this page can pretty much help you out a lot!

The Strictly Internet LDR

This is the ONE type of long distance relationship that this page can not help you on. In this type of relationship the two of you have never met on person, you have only ever met online. The reason why this type of a relationship won’t work for this page is because I personally don’t consider it a relationship. I mean, come on, you have never even met your so called significant other in person.

2 - What It Takes To Have A Successful Long Distance Relationship

successful LDR

You failed..

That’s why your here right? I’ll admit, long distance relationships are hard. In fact, I find them so hard that I don’t personally think I can enter one. Well, I suppose I should never say never but I am generally not a fan of them for one specific reason. If I am dating someone I want to be able to see them IN PERSON. However, a lot of people aren’t like me when it comes to long distance relationships. In fact, some people can thrive on them. One of my best friends dated his girlfriend (long distance) for two years and they are still together today. So, it is possible to have a happy ending.

Anyways, back to the point. If you are here it is most likely because you and your ex had a long distance relationship but you are now broken up. Whatever the reasons may be for the breakup the two of you are not together anymore. That means you couldn’t make the long distance relationship work.

Look, no one is blaming you. I just stated above I couldn’t do it so my hats off to you for even trying. Nevertheless, you are here because you want your ex back and you are willing to do whatever it takes. I thought it might be a good idea to figure out what makes a successful long distance relationship so you know what you need to do the second time around (assuming you are able to get your boyfriend back.) So, I did a lot of research and came up with the following qualities that are constant among successful LDR’s.

(For more in-depth information on getting a long distance ex boyfriend back please visit this page.)

Doing Things Together Over The Phone

One of my best memories in high school is talking on the phone with girls. You see, when I went to high school texting hadn’t become as big as it is now. Add in the fact that I didn’t even have text messaging and you are left with someone who actually had to go “old school” and call girls for dates. I remember staying up so late at night and literally talking until a girl would fall asleep on the phone with me.

Every successful long distance relationship has this type of element to it. A tireless ability to talk on the phone for hours. Of course, couples in long distance relationships take things a step further by actually doing things together on the phone. Common examples include:

  • Watching a favorite television show together. (Netflix is great for this 😉 )
  • Cooking together on the phone.
  • Playing a board game together.

Communicating On A Daily Basis, NO MATTER WHAT!

Another quality that successful LDR couples have is that they talk every single day. Now, there is a difference between stalking and communicating. Unsuccessful LDR’s usually have one couple member constantly freaking out over what the other one is doing. There has to be some trust involved or else your whole relationship will fall apart.

Technological Face Time

We live in a world of electronics and smart phones. I mean, for god sakes there is an entire section of this website dedicated solely to texting. For a couple separated by distance it is imperative that you take advantage of such electronic inventions.

We have already established that successful couples are always communicating with each other via a phone. Ah, but there is a problem with a phone. While you can hear the person talking on it, it is impossible to see their face. Well, with inventions like Skype or “FaceTime” this is no longer a problem. You can communicate with someone face to face over the phone.

Actually, the first time I heard about Skype was from a buddy of mine who was dating a girl that had left for college across the country. I remember him telling me that they skyped every single day and it had helped a lot to maintain the closeness that both of them were so vigorously craving.

ACTUAL Face Time

While things like Skype and FaceTime are fantastic tools for maintaining a technological closeness with your significant other nothing can beat actually seeing them in person. The feelings you feel, the ability to actually hold someone in your arms and do “other” things is part of the total package when you see someone in person. I don’t care what you say, in my mind nothing beats seeing someone you care about in person.

Every and I mean EVERY long distance relationship that has stood the test of time has a member taking time out of his/her schedule to see the other member in person. Now, that also presents us with an interesting problem…

You Have To Have Money (or EXTREME Budgeting Skills)

This point kind of goes hand in hand with the one above, in order to see your significant other someone in the relationship has to be willing to shell out the $’s. I can’t tell you how many women I have communicated with on this site whose LDR failed because someone wasn’t willing to fork over the money when the break came in schedules to see each other.

No relationship can survive if the two people never see each other. Speaking of things that relationships can’t survive without…

Phone Sex

This may be a little controversial but this is my firm belief, no relationship can survive without sex.

So, that leaves you in a really bad spot when you first embark on a long distance relationship. I mean, what are you supposed to do?

Enter phone sex!

My friend (who I have mentioned a couple of times already on this page already) is one of the few people I know who has made a long distance relationship work. Let me give you his statistics. He has been dating his girlfriend for about five years (two of which were long distance.) When I asked him how he did it, how he could bear being away from his girlfriend that long he muttered two simple words.

“phone sex”

He told me that without phone sex he would have broken up with her. I have no statistics to back up the claim I am about to make but I think women can go without sex longer than men can. A point will eventually come where men, who have been on a “dry spell,” will start to wander else where. So, in order to combat a mans wandering eyes you have to actually schedule “phone sex sessions.”

3 - Is It Even In Your Character To Do A LDR?

LDR meme

In the section above I described some of the characteristics/ things that all successful long distance relationships have. Now, lets not get in over our heads here, LDR’s are very hard. I am not going to lie to you, most long distance relationships I have dealt with fall apart because they require an extreme amount of patience and dedication.

I wanted to put this section on this page for one simple reason, I want YOU to know if you are cut out for a long distance relationship. There are certain people that just can’t do it. It isn’t in their character to do it. If you are one of those people don’t feel too bad. At least you have learned something about yourself.

Lets start with the type of women that ARE cut out for LDR’s.

Types Of Women Who Are Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You enjoy talking on your phone.
  • You don’t mind talking on your phone in public.
  • You have experience emailing, texting and calling on the phone multiple times a day.
  • You don’t mind going to new place and having experiences
  • You are a patient person.
  • You DON’T have any kids.
  • You are a phone sex goddess.

Ok, now that we have the “good qualities” for LDR’s out of the way lets focus on people who aren’t cut out for it.

Types Of Women Who Are NOT Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You hate talking on the phone.
  • You are not a constant emailer or texter.
  • You are very impulsive.
  • You are not patient.
  • You are not a fan of traveling.
  • When you talk you use a lot of body language to get your points across.
  • Deep down you aren’t willing to put in the work a LDR requires.

What I am about to say is really important so I want to make sure that you are listening because I am about to give you the key to knowing if a LDR with your ex boyfriend could possibly work if you get back together. Take a look at the two lists I created above. Essentially I gave you the qualities that you need to have in order to be willing to have a LDR. In addition, I gave you the qualities that you can’t have if you are going to do a LDR.

Now, I know you read those lists and immediately thought to yourself:

“I have ALL of the good qualities.”

Well, that is really great and all but you are only HALF the equation. In case I missed something I think that a relationship involves two people. When it comes to long distance relationships your man has to have the “good” qualities I listed above for you to have a shot at making this work. I want you to think really hard and figure out if you think HE has what it takes to make a LDR work.

4 - The Headwind You Have To Face In A LDR


While you are figuring out that little nugget of knowledge I gave you in the section above lets talk about some of the things you have working against you in a long distance relationship. You see, in order to get your ex boyfriend back if there is a considerable amount of distance separating you right now it is important to discuss all of the things that you have to overcome.

Just a word of warning, this section may be a little depressing. Don’t get too down though because I am going to give you the tools to combat all of this headwind later in this article. For now though, lets talk negatives.

Headwind #1- You Can’t Talk To Your Significant Other In Person

A normal relationship usually goes something like this:

Billy and Sally love each other. They live about 30 minutes from one another but spend time every single day together. They text, call and do all the things that are supposed to happen in a normal relationship

A long distance relationship probably goes like this:

George and Jeanie love each other. They are separated by two states. They do their best to call each other every day but their schedules are so busy that they sometimes forget to. The distance causes problems mostly because they haven’t seen each other in person in two months.

Make no mistake about it, being able to see someone you care about in person is a distinct advantage that regular relationships have over long distance ones.

Headwind #2- Touch and “Other Things ;)”

No hugging..

No kissing…

No holding hands…


When I date someone I expect to do all of the above. Of course, I am a guy so being able to “touch” a woman is high up there on my list. What it all boils down to is that when you are physical with someone it provides a sense of security and togetherness that you just can’t make up over long distance. No doubt about it this is some serious headwind that you are going to have to figure out a way to overcome.

Headwind #3- No More Dates 🙁

I like dates!

I like the nervous feeling I get before I take a girl out for the first time. I like it all and I am not alone in this. While some guys will say they hate dating I think most of us enjoy them a lot more than we let on. When you are in a long distance relationship there are no more dates. Sure, maybe once a month one of you comes to see the other person. However, I am talking about the every week dates that happen when you are dating someone. In a LDR that just isn’t possible and as a result you are missing out on important bonding time that could further cement your relationship.

Headwind #5- Missing Out On Birthdays Or Other Special Occasions

Tell me if this story sounds familiar.

Billy and Sally are in a long distance relationship. For three straight months they have been an unbearable distance away from each other. Sally is having a birthday that Billy desperately wants to attend… only he can’t because of the distance.

Another negative of LDR’s is that you cannot attend your significant others birthday in person. Sure, you may give him a call but ultimately you can’t be there in person. Oh, but I am not only talking about birthdays here. Lets say that one person gets sick and you aren’t able to be there for them. What if a pet gets hurt, a child’s first step or word? These are all very important bonding moments in a relationships life and you could be missing out on them.

Headwind #6- The Commute

Lets fast forward for a minute and pretend that you and your ex boyfriend got back together. You implemented the steps on this page and are reunited ;). Well, in order to keep your relationship alive you have agreed that you will commute to see each other more in person. There is just one problem, you are having trouble agreeing on who should commute to who. If handled incorrectly this negotiation (for the commuted) could cause a strain in your relationship.

Headwind #7- Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

I saved this one for last for a reason, because it is the number one killer of long distance relationships.

Women tend to cheat for emotional reasons. Mostly because men aren’t giving them what they need emotionally.

Men on the other hand cheat because they get horny. I know it is a sad thing to hear but it is true. If a man is in a committed LDR there are going to be certain “dry spells” where he won’t be getting any. These dry spells will make that man horny and he will be more likely to cheat because of that.

Adding insult to injury, it is likely you won’t have any clue because the two of you are separated by so much distance.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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5 - What To Do After A LDR Breakup

crazy breakup girl

So, you and your ex broke up… now what?

You clearly want him back but are completely unsure on how to approach things because there is a great distance separating you. Not to mention all of the headwind I talked about above..

So, what are you supposed to do?

In my experience there are really only two ways things can go now.

  1. You can beg to be taken back essentially turning into a text or phone gnat (annoying your ex.)
  2. You can implement a no contact rule and work on evolving while the dust settles from the breakup fallout.

Option two please!

The No Contact Rule

A lot of people ask me “will the no contact rule work if I was in a long distance relationship?”

You bet your butt it will. Admittedly, it will be more effective if you and your ex were used to talking to each other every single day. However, even if that wasn’t the case I would still recommend doing the no contact rule. Now, before I get into the nitty gritty lets talk a little about what the NC rule is.

The No Contact Rule A set period of time where you will not text, call, email, facebook, google plus, snap chat, skype or talk to your ex in any way shape or form.

In your case I am going to recommend that you do a NC rule for 30 days. That means that you have to stay in NC for an entire month without any slip ups. If you do slip up and talk to your ex then you are going to have to start over from day 1 again.

Why The NC Rule Works

I received an interesting email yesterday. One of my visitors was reading through the site and found solace in a paragraph on one of the pages. The paragraph was all about the guys perspective during the NC rule. Essentially describing why the NC rule can be so effective.

Since that person emailed me wanting to know more about the guys perspective during the NC rule I figured everyone would so I wanted to put this section in.

IF the no contact rule is implemented correctly and works here is what will happen in a guys mind:

Day 1: “I bet she is the one who breaks first and contacts me.”

Day 2: “Yea, she will definitely be the one who reaches out first.”

Day 3: “Why isn’t she reaching out?”

Day 6: “WTF is going on?? She was supposed to talk to me by now.”

Day 10: Your ex boyfriend will send out a text message checking up on you. Of course, you won’t respond to it.

Day 11: “Ok, now I am mad.. I can’t believe she ignored my text.”

Day 12: He will call you, which you will of course ignore.

Day 13: “That B&*ch, how could she do this?”

Day 15: “I totally hate her..”

Day 25: He will send out another text which you will ignore again.

Day 26: “That is it.. she is the scum of the earth…”

Day 30: You send out your first text to him and he literally runs around like a little girl filled with excitement.

6 - What You Do During The NC Rule Is The Most Important Thing

funny bench

This is where a lot of people who come to this site fail. They think if they try out a 30 day no contact rule that all of their problems are over. After the thirty days their ex will just come running back into their arms. Sorry Charlie but it doesn’t work that way. While a part of the NC rule is for your ex a big part of it is for you.

What you do during the 30 days is essential to getting your ex back. Remember, this isn’t a vacation and if you want him back you have to be willing to put int the work. Now, people in long distance relationships have a pretty good advantage over normal relationships when it comes to this section.

Usually, with a normal relationship I recommend that women evolve during the 30 days into basically the hottest version of themselves that ever existed. That means, women in normal relationships have 30 days before they potentially could see their ex in person. While a lot can happen over the month I am not entirely sold on a life changing transformation happening in that amount of time. Where you have the advantage is the fact that it could be months before you even get to see your ex. While you may look at that fact and frown I tend to take the opposite approach.

The fact that it could be months before you see your ex in person just means that you have more time to prepare, more time to knock his socks off when he sees you.

I recommend picking up my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for ideas on how you can change both mentally and physically during the NC period.

The Mindset You Need To Have During No Contact

Sometimes in order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.

Women who understand this tend to do really well when it comes to getting an ex back. If you are an avid reader of this site then you will find the next phrase I am about to say all too familiar. Men want the unattainable. We want what we can’t have and since I am assuming that you want your ex boyfriend back really really badly right now he is sensing that he can have you.

Here is your main problem. Right now, you aren’t willing to walk away to get him back. I will never forget the time when I was a little boy and went with my dad to watch him negotiate for a car at a car dealership. The thing about my dad is that he is always prepared when it comes to these types of things. He did a lot of research and had what he thought was a fair price in mind. So, when the time came to haggle over the price the car salesman and my dad went back and forth. They haggled and haggled and haggled until my dad determined that he wasn’t going to be getting the price he wanted.

So, my dad did what you are supposed to do in these circumstances. In the middle of the negotiation he literally got up and said “Chris, come on we are leaving.” It took about ten steps before we heard a “wait, come back” from the car salesman. That little tactic just won my dad the negotiation as he got his price.

In this case it was “sometimes in order to get the car you have to be willing to lose the car.”

7 - The Contact Guide For LDR's

talk to me goose

Ah, now we are getting somewhere. In this section I am going to give a pretty in-depth game plan that you should follow when talking to an ex who you were in a long distance relationship with. Now, before I really dive in here I do want to mention that the ONLY time that you should begin this “contact guide” is when you have completed the 30 day no contact rule that I talked about so much above.

You are about to find out that the rules are just a little bit different when it comes to contacting an ex in a long distance relationship.

What Is Different About Contacting An LDR Ex Vs. A Normal Ex?

  • It is all about setting up a date where you see each other in person.
  • You are allowed to use things like Skype and FaceTime BUT only when I specify below.
  • You SHOULD take a little more time to build rapport with your ex.
  • IF you do succeed in reuniting you have to find ways around the headwind I talked about above.

Ok, enough talking. Lets get to the good stuff.

Your First Contact After NC

Before I dive in to the first contact text message I just want to make you aware that the example texts found below aren’t going to be enough for you. Inevitably you will always want more examples which is why I created The Texting Bible.

So, if you want to up your “texting game” I suggest you take a look at it. Especially since it’s such a vital part of getting an ex back in an LDR.

The first contact you have with your ex should be done via a text message like I recommend throughout my site.

What’s my best advice for sending out a first contact text message? Simple, make it so intriguing that he will have no choice but to respond to it. You should be planning your text message throughout the NC period. I would like to recommend that you run it through what I like to call the first contact text.

Remember, your first contact text message has to be so intriguing that he will have no choice BUT to respond.

So, before you send out any text you should ask yourself “is this intriguing enough for him to respond 100% of the time?”

Ah, but there is another key to first contact text messages that I am leaving out. They have to fill your ex up with a positive memory about you. You don’t have to send him anything controversial to accomplish this. If I was you I would try something like this:

faith first contact

(For more text examples like this please visit The Texting Bible.)

Lets say you sent this exact text and get a response from him, what then? Well, then I would like you to simply end the conversation with something like

“Marie just showed up, I have to go but I will talk to you later :).”

The key with sending a first contact text message to a LDR isn’t to try to get him back. It’s to test him to see if he will be receptive to talking.

The Random Meme

I love internet memes.

In fact, I have an app on my iPhone that is actually JUST for memes. Whenever I get bored I start looking through the memes and just have a good laugh.

What is a meme you ask?

Hmm… I am not sure I can really define them in words. It is better if I just show you.

The Buffy Meme

buffy meme

The Photoshop Meme

photoshop meme

The Superman Meme

superman meme

As you can see, memes are meant to be light and funny. They are the type of things that will go viral in the blink of an eye. If you search the internet there are literally hundreds of thousands of memes out there. What I want you to do is send your ex a text with one of these memes (you pick what you think if funny around the internet.)

You are testing to see if he will respond. If he does respond then you are going to engage him in a very light conversation. You don’t want to engage him in any relationship talk yet. Sending out the “random meme text” is more to test him to see if he is responsive when talking to you. After you engage him for a while I then want you to end the conversation. It is important that YOU end it because it puts you in a position of power and will hopefully leave him wanting more.

If he doesn’t respond to your “meme” then that just means you have to go back into NC for about a week before you try texting him again.

The Remember The Good Times Text Message

If you are familiar with my monster 10k word post on how to get your ex boyfriend back then you should be familiar with this text message. With this text message you are really trying to get your ex boyfriend to remember some of the good memories you had together. So, I want you to brainstorm and list all the special memories you had together. These have to be memories that you know for a fact that your ex enjoyed.

Now, I do feel it is important to point out that you can’t use any sexual memories or anything of that nature yet. The memories you pick have to be strictly PG rated. I would try something like:

swarm of bees text

(Again, if you want more in-depth information on texting I suggest you pick up The Texting Bible.)

Notice how I chose a bonding experience in the above example. The closer you felt together during an experience the better it is. Also, another little nugget of knowledge I can give you is to make sure you use a lot of details. You don’t want to use so many details that you end up having to send 3 texts. However, try to include as many details as possible.

Now, lets assume that he responds to your “remembering the good times” text. What I want you to do is engage him in a conversation. Text him for around 3-5 hours that particular day. Once those 3 hours are up I want you to just not respond. End the conversation by not responding. Remember, our mantra here is to always leave him wanting more.

Let’s Sprinkle In A Little Jealousy

Jealousy can be a very powerful emotion. I have found that couples have gotten back together on jealousy alone. While I don’t recommend getting back together with someone b/c they are jealous and don’t want to see you with anyone else I do think it is ok to sprinkle in a little jealousy to remind your man what he is missing out on.

Of course, you do have a small problem since you were in a long distance relationship with this person.

How are they supposed to see you with someone else initially making them jealous? Well, they can’t but don’t worry I have found a way around this. It is called Facebook! Actually, I don’t want to dive in too deeply here because I already created a post that will help you pimp out your Facebook profile and I cover jealousy in there too!

As far as using jealousy directly with your ex via a text message the key here is to be subtle. Here is an unknown fact about this site, did you know that I actually get men contacting me? Yes, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a site dedicated to women. However, every once in a while there is a man that will reverse engineer the process and wind up on this site because he wants his ex girlfriend back.

A few months ago I had one particular man that really wanted his girlfriend back. He wound up on my site and figured that jealousy was the best way to accomplish this goal. There was just one problem, he didn’t read my warning:

You have to be subtle when you use jealousy directly.

He ended up telling me that he sent his ex girlfriend a text like this:

“I just went out with a really hot waitress last night!”

You can imagine how well that went over with the ex. The key to pulling off a jealousy text isn’t to actually tell your ex that you are out with someone new, it is to plant the idea in their head and let their minds run wild with all kinds of assumptions. One of my favorite ways to accomplish this is by sending a “romantic movie text”

romantic movie text

There are a couple of things I want to go over now. The reason this text is amazing at making an ex boyfriend jealous is that it is so subtle that your ex has to make all kinds of assumptions.

Romantic movie? Was she on a date?

A friend? Was this a guy friend?”

Time To Kick Things Up A Notch

Who doesn’t love a compliment? Let me rephrase that. Who doesn’t love a compliment from the opposite sex. One of my friends said it best:

I don’t care what she looks like, as long as I am getting compliments I am doing things right.

I don’t think you women realize the amazing effect that they have on men. Personally speaking, I am one compliment from the opposite sex away from having a great day. Oh, and I am one put down from the opposite sex to having a bad day. If you are going to compliment your ex boyfriend who you were in a long distance relationship with you have to be really careful.

Part of the reason that I made you jump through all those texting hoops in the previous section (first contact, meme, etc) was to kind of butter your ex up for this type of a text message. I want you to send him a compliment. Yes, it is a risk and you could fall flat on your face but in the end fortune favors the brave so it is time to be brave.

This compliment has to be different though. You have to be detailed and you have to send it at the right time. I recommend sending it when the two of you are in an emotional texting conversation. Here is an example I would use:

compliment text

This is kind of do or die for you. What you are looking for here is a positive response. Ideally, you want him to say more than “thank you.” You want a really positive response and perhaps even get him to compliment you. I would end the conversation after you send this text though no matter what.

Remember, always leave him wanting more.

I Miss You..

Assuming you have progressed this far you are in really good shape. Now it is time to heat things up just a little bit more. After you have gotten very positive responses on all the previous texts I want you to send a “I miss you” text message. This can’t be a simple “I miss you” though. You have to dress it up and kind of make it seem like you aren’t saying “I miss you.”

How do you do that?

Simple, you add lots and lots of details.

Take a look at the example below:

i miss you

(Lots and lots of texts huh? Well, I have 250+ more examples waiting for ya 😉 .)

Notice how that is nothing more than just a really complicated way of saying “I miss you.” You essentially dress the “I miss you” up in details that it doesn’t seem like you are missing your significant other. Obviously, you are looking for another positive response from your long distance partner here. If he responds in a positive way you can move on to the next section.

The Skype of FaceTime Call


(Disclaimer: if you don’t have Skype or FaceTime then you can skip on to the next section.)

If you were in a long distance relationship then I am sure you are pretty aware of what Skype and FaceTime are. If not, they are essentially video software you can download to your smartphone (or computer) that will let you talk to the person face to face electronically.

It is essentially a step above texting. If you have progressed to this point of the page then that means you and your ex are ready to talk in person again (kind of ;).)

I want you to initiate a skype call where you kind of lay your cards out on the table. I want you to finally have an in-depth talk about your relationship. No, you aren’t asking him if he wants to get back together. I just want you to discuss your relationship and any feelings that you may be having for each other still.

Some key points for the Skype/FaceTime call

  • Be very confident.
  • Be very pleasant and happy.
  • DO NOT lose your temper.
  • Try to remain calm about everything.
  • Smile a lot.
  • Make sure you look amazing.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell interesting stories.

The Call (Duh Duh Duhhh..)

I ONLY want you to do this IF the skype call went extremely well. This is it! This is where you are going to try to see your ex in person again. Everything up until this point was just to prepare you for this moment. No pressure though haha ;).

Alright, you are going to make a phone call to your ex and see if you can set up a date where you two can see each other. Since there is long distance involved one of you is going to have to agree to come see the other one. I would actually recommend that YOU be the one that comes to him. That will require you to clear your schedule and have some extra spending cash which is why I want you to call him and let him know (to see if he digs the idea or not.) If he does then you are in! Great job.

If not, then that means you need to reenter NC for a while and try again later. Perhaps do a better job of recreated attraction during the text message portion. For that, I recommend checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.


ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

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So, that’s it. A kind of condensed version of getting your ex boyfriend back if you are in a long distance relationship. I realize there will be a lot of questions since I did leave out some stuff. If you have any questions feel free to comment in the comments section below.

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What Do You Think? (4,665)

  1. J - 0


    why DO I KEEP DOING THIS??? Its like I know i cant keep chasing, but i cant stop. Its like my mind keeps saying keep asking him if he can give a second chance and why he wont??? So ive asked him alrady these past 2 days non stop….and he kept saying have fun with ur life i dont want to be with u ever. do you think he means it????? i need to stop chasing him i know. which i will do. but i just feel like i lost someone i loved so much. and now every girl is after him when hes back that i lost him even more WHAT CAN I DO. i have a year to fix this before he gets back… you think this will work at all? if i didnt talk to him for a year

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you’re still going to chase him like that, and you dont improve, it wont work

  2. J - 0


    All he does is keep saying i dont want to ever be with you again and how he just doesnt wanna give me another chance. Like he wont give me a real reason WHY.

    I have a year to decide to just stop contact all together before he gets back from military. I dont know if 1 year is enough time because he said hes 100% sure he never wants me back so it def is in his mind to def never make it happen again

  3. Erika - 0



    Can you please help me? I just need an advice… I’ve been stubborn, I suppose, and now, I think that having my ex bf to come back is getting harder every time…

    I’ve been with my ex for 3 years. We met in Asia, he’s from Europe. We went to the same college together (he was an exchange student & he graduated on 2015); we weren’t classmates. We met through a common friend – at a bar – I didn’t really like him that time. Typically, he did all the chasing and guy stuff – then I fell for him.

    Fast-forward, we had a great time together. He was the best guy I ever had and I knew he was the one I wanted (I was his first serious girlfriend). He extended his stay (although the term was over) to a year, for me (I didn’t know it that time, but when he told me this I knew I’ll love him too much). We were in a LDR for a lot of times. But during, he made it a point to visit me (as I am still studying; I still have a year to finish), moreover, he even stayed back in Asia and found a work to be able to be with me (it lasted for a year)…

    I think we had an on and off kind of a relationship. He first officially broke up with me (and I know it’s my fault as I am too jealous and not trusting. I assumed a lot, too.) on June 2015, during our (2nd) LDR, after his graduation – I was holding on him too tightly,I was so controlling and all — I was afraid of losing him. So I ended up doing all the wrong things a woman could’ve possibly done. I thought I had no chance, so I started moving on, of course I wanted him back, but I knew it was impossible at the moment because I was still studying… During this time he didn’t have a lot of friends; I’m thinking maybe that’s why he only came back because he’s bored in Europe.

    I don’t remember if I was able to do the whole 1 month NC without slip ups. But after 2 months, he told me that he couldn’t make a decision about studying that time and something (because he still wants to study baking; he wants to have his own bakeshop)… During this time we were already texting, and I was on my way to moving on so I didn’t really know what he was talking about (though I was kind of hoping ). Then after a few weeks, he said that he bought a ticket and he’s going back to Asia. I didn’t believe it, but I was shocked, excited and happy… I told him prove it. And he did went back… During our break that time, he was asking his bestfriend, our common friend, about me; so yeah, he’s been telling my ex about the stuff I do since I hanged with him and everyone in the group all the time after the break up.

    Moving on, things were okay until I went crazy again. That’s for half a year. He said nothing has changed… And then he broke up with me again.

    You see, he’s someone with a low confidence, he was so innocent, he’s very shy. And I like those in him, and I ty to help him build himself up (which I now know he’s actually doing okay with it). But I think that’s why he always lie to me; he doesn’t want to make me mad as he had always spoiled me. I told him to be just honest with me and I’ll take it instead of lying about even the tiniest of stuff. I hate it too much, that whenever I caught him lying, I would go investigate and then fight him about it. But I swear, all topic are only about girls… It’s because I’m insecure about it. I wasn’t before though… A lot are after him. But he’s been very loyal, and every time there’ll be girls/others around him, he’ll make it a point to show them that he’s with me… But yes, i was too afraid to lose him so I gripped on him tightly… 🙁

    So that 2nd break up lasted for 2-3 months. He was still in Asia. During this breakup he went on Tinder and even dated. He even kissed a girl in front of me — he said it’s for me to move on. I then tried to understand why he did it even though I wanted to kill him. So you see? It’s hard for me to trust him with girls… I know other things added to it too, as he wasn’t happy with his job (he only took it for me). Another is that his brother was getting married on August 2016, so he had to go back to Europe. He bought a ticket in April after we broke up. But then I didn’t lose hope. I knew he was going back… He did and we were together again until his last months of staying in Asia, and during our LDR. That’s for 7 months.

    Out last break up was in December 2016, on our anniversary. A total jerk. But I don’t know, I still can’t get myself mad at him as I understand him, and I know that it’s my, again, behavior (this time it’s a different one; about social media and those I asked about him (so not cool!) – but then it’s about the girls again). Because of me he didn’t have much girl friends and he stopped talking to the old ones because of me. He doesn’t talk to other girls, too during our LDR and I believe that. I realized that it wasn’t fair for him, nor right. So during our last breakup, he added those old friends and some new ones from his work there. He said he wasn’t talking to them… I think it was just for show. Until one day in January 2017, we weren’t talking much… He then he saw my IG, me following my old guy friends – i admit to being immature as I did what he did. He was so mad but what made him even more pissed was because of me asking the two girls from his work… He said I never changed. I’m stubborn… but I just want to know the truth… so we stopped talking again. And again, the same thing happened in February (he messaged me first because of my birthday); things we okay for a week, then the same thing. Only this time he told me that the new friend was “cool” and that he would want to get to know her. I suppose he only said that to make me stop bugging him and those girls and that he was jealous because another European guy added and talked to me on FB (and I know he was jealous), because two days prior to that, he told me that he misses and loves me… For he first time again. But then I was too stubborn.

    Now, March, we last texted about 2-3 days ago.
    He said that I always assume (this time I don’t ask the new girls and I don’t want to anymore)…

    The thing I don’t get is when he would always make up an excuse like he’s busy (when he really isn’t not; I know because he only works, surf and play video games at home. Maybe now he has new friends). And this excuse only comes up when there’s a new girl he just met (I’ll know this because a new girl always follows him on IG – I always check. It doesn’t do me any good, so I decided to stop once and for all)…

    Now, we stopped talking again. He said he’s busy. All of the sudden again, after one week, again. And that he already ended things between us, blabla. I don’t get how he’s sweet to me and all, but then after he’s being cold and distant (and I’ll find out there’s a new girl – which I think are only new friends, I don’t know). So then I assume! He even told me last month that he wouldn’t be texting me if there’s a new girl. During our last text, he said that there wasn’t any new girl in the picture.

    I’m so confused on what I’ll do know because obvious I messed up during those last ones, but this recent one, he just went cold and distant again. He said I was assuming.

    So what should I do now? I’m thinking about NC, but I don’t know for how long because it’s already been 3 months since our breakup… I’m afraid I’ll lose him for good now — since he’s started talking to girls now, too.

    I want to show him that I can change, once and for all… but would NC help me with it?

    Pls help. Thanks!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erika,

      if you can manage to really stop assuming while improving yourself and buulding rapport, do it. If not, do at least 45 day nc..

  4. D - 0


    Hi. Me and my BF have been in ldr for about 1,5 yrs. Last december i went to visit him and we had a great time together until he found out that i cheated on him, i go out several times with other guy in my town. He’s very disappointed, i tried to be honest to him, but he just can’t believe it. He even says “why should i have a relationship with a lady with no class?”
    I know i’ve made a mistake, that’s why I tried to swallow his rude words because i feel I deserve it. I said sorry hundred times when he got mad at me bcs he’s overthinking that i might cheat on him again. But i swear I won’t do that anymore. I’ve bought a ticket to visit him on july, but he just can’t wait until July i guess. He keeps push me away, saying rude things to me. I’ve been called and texted him for a few days but he won’t answer and just read my messages. What should i do to gain his trus back? I’m really sorry for hurting him, and I really want to be serious this time. I already blocked the guy that went out with me last year too. It’s just my BF can’t believe me anymore 🙁
    What should i do?

  5. crystal - 0


    So I reached out to my ex on valentine’s asking how he was doing.. no response… 5 days after that I reached out asking for my stuff back, all he said was “I got it”… a month later after no contact… I asked him how he was doing then I sent him this response as well “I’m curious on how you are and I hope things are going well for you and that you’re not too stressed from school. I understand why things couldn’t work out for us and I hope by now there’s no hostility/bitterness on either ends, but instead mutual respect”. I still did not get a response. Where do I go from here? Do I still have a chance? We broke up in Nov 30, 2016 and we’ve been long distance… he said the breakup was due to school and that we aren’t compatible and that he just doesn’t have the time that our relationship needs. In January, after not talking for about 3 weeks, I caught up with him and it was really nice, until a day after he went crazy on me and said he was still confused about us.. Thats why i tried not to reach out but gave in on valentines then a couple days after that. I gave in again recently (as above noted) and I texted that on March 20. Should I just move on (just as I have been trying to?)

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Crystal,

      the texts were conveying that you may still want him back because it was just how are yous but I like the last text, though if you really want a chance, you have to convey through your posts and better kind of texts that you have moved on.. after the last text, I think you should lay low for two weeks before trying for one last text and be very active, try jealousy moves too

  6. Crystal - 0


    So I reached out to my ex on valentine’s asking how he was doing.. no response… 5 days after that I reached out asking for my stuff back, all he said was “I got it”… a month later after no contact… I asked him how he was doing then I sent him this response as well “I’m curious on how you are and I hope things are going well for you and that you’re not too stressed from school. I understand why things couldn’t work out for us and I hope by now there’s no hostility/bitterness on either ends, but instead mutual respect”. I still did not get a response. Where do I go from here? Do I still have a chance? We broke up in Nov 30, 2016 and we’ve been long distance… he said the breakup was due to school and that we aren’t compatible and that he just doesn’t have the time that our relationship needs. In January, after not talking for about 3 weeks, I caught up with him and it was really nice, until a day after he went crazy on me and said he was still confused about us.. Thats why i tried not to reach out but gave in on valentines then a couple days after that. I gave in again recently (as above noted) and I texted that on March 20. Should I just move on (just as I have been trying to?)

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Crystal,

      the texts were conveying that you may still want him back because it was just how are yous but I like the last text, though if you really want a chance, you have to convey through your posts and better kind of texts that you have moved on.. after the last text, I think you should lay low for two weeks before trying for one last text and be very active, try jealousy moves too

  7. J - 0


    do you think making small talk will work at all? hes been liking so many other girls pics recently and ik its just a like but he never did that when we were together, maybe becasuse i aways got mad

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re rushing it and the change is not’s not about forgetting him totally. It’s reaching the point of knowing you can live without him even if there is some feelings because you value your self respect more than a guy

  8. Devastated - 0


    30 days of NC so far. Long story short, I got rid of the instagram account he requested me to follow. And I found out that he met someone new through tinder and went to a trip together with her. So It was really painful going through all that and I decided to move on… I think i deserve better. What I don’t get is that he put the profile pic on instagram with the one we took in a very meaningful trip together about an year ago. He’s so dumb and mean

  9. Lana - 0



    I have known my ex for about 2 years. We fought in the summer, after he left things were intense so he talked bad to me and at the same day I got another bf just to let him move on. We didn’t talk until November. He texted me drunk early in the morning telling me sorry all the time. He had made out with a random girl at a party, they told me he was saying my name. I told him I broke up with the guy after some days and it was just my reaction and we got back together but then fought again as we both were in exam period and had no time for each other. Around January we got back together again after I told him to try. Failure. For the last two months we talk friendly though we’ve talked about this many times, I tried to convince him, he says he cares but feels nothing, he’s depressed with his life. I even tried to go stay with him for a while, he said he didn’t want me to do this for him. I’m in nc for about 10 days, no text, no nothing, it ended with me trying. Idk what to do to save this, I want to help him but I think he’s disappointed.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lana,

      you’re in ldr? do you want to try the advice above,?

  10. J - 0


    i want to talk to him, update him on my life and such, but at the same time i dont wanna ruin anything. Like at this rate i wanna talk to him as a friend, and want him to be happy to talk to me again….but he probably wont be thrilled talking to me….or he will have neutral responses. why does it hurt so much still…..i have been doing stuff and going out, meeting new people, etc…but nothing works…..hes still on my mind. i love him. and i want him to give another chance. i hope god is listening sometimes. thats how much i really want it.

  11. Lexi - 0


    My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago. I guess it was kind of mutual since we both said we were unhappy with the current situation our relationship was in. We dated long distance for over a year. The first 10 months were great, and we made the distance work even though it was difficult. But around December he started saying he wasn’t sure our relationship had a future and that he wasn’t sure he was ready for a huge commitment. We are in college. We stayed together after discussing it and agreeing to communicate more about what is bothering us because at this point I’m not looking for a commitment like marriage either. Things got better and then they got worse. He started talking to me less, being less excited to come visit or for me to go visit him, stopped saying he missed me and started playing video games and getting black out drunk with his friends more. I was unhappy and told him so and he said he was unhappy with the distance and that we’d grown apart and he used these behaviors to cope. We agreed to end things then. I know it was for the best, but part of me misses how things used to be and wants him to realize it wasn’t the relationship that made him miserable but the expectations that he put on himself and perhaps some mental health issues of his own. I’m doing no contact right now for a clean break. Is there a chance he’ll miss me and realize he didn’t appreciate me when he had me, or should I just stop thinking about it and move on with my life?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lexi,

      try the no contact period and start improving and being active in improving yourself and in social media and then slowly building rapport after nc..if it doesn’t work, then move on

  12. Nicole - 0


    Hi! My ex (who I have known for more than 10 years) broke up with me after over a year together, shortly before starting a traveling job that would last for about a year or so, I think because of fear of commitment and a little grass-is-greener syndrome (He never said he had a problem with long distance. He actually even said he thinks I am still the person he wants to marry.). People kept implying we should live together once he started this job since he had to give up his apartment, and it freaked him out – he said he was getting anxiety attacks and didn’t want to ‘lead me on’ while he figured things out. So I found this site, and I actually just finished a 45 no contact. I re-initiated contact, and he has always responded to me, and I’m on day 7 of ‘tide theory’. At first he was texting/initiating me a good bit, but after seeing I am limiting my texts compared to how we used to talk, he has stopped initiating but still responds to me. Anyway, my question is that he still has some things at my house and my house key. Since we’ve dated in the past and I always come back, I think he thinks I will always be waiting for him. So even though I am building rapport (I don’t want to get friendzoned again), at what point should I mention I want my key back? I think asking for it back will prompt him to realize I am not waiting for him, but I want to do it at the right point so I don’t seem like I’m just doing it to hurt him.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nicole,

      by now, anytime is ok because nc is over..

  13. Jocel - 0


    What should i do? my ex boyfriend and I is in long distance relationship for 7 or 8 months now. He’s finishing he’s studies in another state but this april he’s going home here for good, We fight a lot these past few days. but since before it’s on and off relationship, he’s practically when it comes to life he always mentioned that. So he’s graduate and me next year but i am a working student so i pay his expenses for his training because he’s taking maritime engineering and then tomorrow his Graduation day. Yesterday he blocked mo on facebook i messaged him like i dont mind waiting for him. Im always here when e needs me. I remove my simcard yesterday. I dont know what to do he never did that before he also remove our nicknames even in messenger. Before when even we have a fight he just blocked me on messenger and then remove it afterwards, now is different. I think he have someone else already i read their conversation her old schoolmate that is graduate as aviation logistic this year. So im guessing there is something between them. I nag at times but i apologized afterwards. I can’t resist he also know that. What should i do now? is he still loves me or not anymore?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jocel,

      shouldn’t he be the one worried if you got tires of him.. You’re giving too much. This time, put yourself first. There has to be balance in a relationship.. try the no contact period for at least 30 days. just focus in healing and improving yourseld

  14. J - 0


    Hello again its me, i hope you remmeber mee! He officially deleted pics of us on his instagram but left one pic of us, he deleted my i love you comments from when we dated on his profile pictures, like i rly dont think he ever wants to get back with me for real in the future when hes back from military…. i havent talked to him for a week so far….after 7 months of chasing and talking and asking for a chance. He said he will never give me another chance

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi J,

      what’s your plan now? Are you going to keep chasing him?

  15. Maria - 0


    Hi. So I met my ex one year ago and we started dating. We were together for 7 months, and we were the happiest couple on earth. For the first time in my life (I’m 28) I thought about having kids and getting married. We were perfect. Or that’s what I thought. So after 7 months he got a scholarship and had to move overseas. I told him we should break up but he was horrified about it and he said we had to do it. He said I could trust him and we would work it out. So I did. I trusted him. We texted everyday. He called me everyday.
    2 months later I traveled and we had one amazing month together. I started having doubts when I left, and he didn’t even say a thing about seeing each other again.
    Anyways, we were both two depressed and he was too stressed with his exams. It’s been 2 months since I came back home, and yesterday he broke up with me saying that it’s not working and there is no solution AT ALL. I totally freaked out, although he had been acting weird the last days and I knew something was wrong. I feel very sad, mad and betrayed. I was very patient and supportive all the time. I cried a lot on the Skype call and tried to give solutions, but he just doesn’t want to work things out.
    Do you think it’s worth it to use the NC rule? what am I supposed to do during this time? is it the same for LDR?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria,

      if you dont want to move on yet, yes, you can still use the advice above..

  16. ALEX - 0


    Hey. My boyfriend and I had been doing a year of long distance interstate. After a year, I finally made the decision to move to his state. We were living with his parents while we were saving money to move out.
    In this relationship, there was an age difference and we have broken up before. He’s 19 and i’m 22. He told me that it isn’t the right time for us and that sometime in the future it is possible for us to pick things back up. He’s also scared that he’s made the wrong decision and that i’ll move on and it’s too late.
    We’ve been broken up for a week now and in contact, but I am starting the NC rule tomorrow (I contacted him today). He seems happy and busy and replies nicely to my messages.
    Also, should Inkeep him on snapchat so that he sees what i’m up to while i’m not contacting him or should I delete him.
    We broke up in the heat of a fight and I don’t think either of us were thinking very rationally, he said it all got too hard and he wanted out.

    Pls help haha thanks

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alex,

      where do you live now? Yes, you should keep him in snapchat and be active in other social media platforms too..

  17. Harpija - 0


    Hey, now I’m a bit confused what to do. We were dating for 1.5years. 3months we were living together (we were both abroad and there we met) and then 1 year (during this time I came to his country, because of job 200km from each other) we were on LDR, but we chatted and talked every day via Skype. And we were meeting 2month for weekends. We broke up 1,5months ago. In this period, for one week I was asking why, he said that he wants to be friends with me, but if I need a help he will always help me because I’m very important for him. I said that we can’t be friends. After one week I met him and took my stuff, then I texted him: “Okay, we can be friends”, but actually I started NC. He started to search for me, I was answering, but with short messages. One time we talked via phone, he didn’t want to hang up and asked why I can’t talk longer. After 3weeks of broke up, I had a birthday and he texted me that I will receive some present from him via post because he wants me to be happy. On my birthday I texted him, that I can’t take these presents. He said that I should keep them, he has as well many presents from me. I explained that is a bit different and with such moves as he does, he takes someone’s else places in my life and my heart. After that message, he didn’t text me at all. After that I really started to move on and on my Facebook and Instagram profile was many photos from trips, clubs, sports achievements and so on and he liked all of them. So, I texted him in 2 weeks twice. Last time (on Thursday) we chatted and we flirted a bit and I said that according to tradition in my country for presents I should invite him for a beer. I gave him 3days when I’m free this month and he chose the furthest one explaining to me that on other days he has plans as class meeting and concert. By the way one of that concert night he liked some more pictures on my profile. Anyway, we agreed on the date of a meeting in April. Today I asked him does he has time to speak with me, that I could practice german (yeah he’s a german and I’m learning german). He said that today no, but maybe tomorrow. I said ok. But I think, tomorrow I’ll text him that I can’t. I find all this situation strange because, before that birthday message about someone’s else places, I texted him once about practising german and he called me in 1hour and he was searching for me. And now it seems to be that he pushes me away, even though he always wanted to keep contact after broke up. What should I do now? I don’t understand what is happening.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Harpija,

      the proper way of doing nc is total no contact of at least 21 days but in your case it should be 30 days.. and to be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.. if you have done that proceed to slowly building rapport through texts firsts and then calls and then meet ups.. follow the link below for your texting guide..
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  18. G - 0


    Hi. My ex who ghosted me 4 years ago, got married over a year ago, contacted me via facebook message last december. I’m not a 100% sure but I think he’s divorced. He kept texting me in Dec with small talk. I wasn’t sure what this situation was and disliked small talk so I did the NC in Jan and it worked. I gave it about 45 days, my birthday was coming up (Feb 16th) so I waited a bit longer to see if he’d contact me first. He left me a “happy bday” on my facebook page. I texted him first a few days after my birthday. He sounded happy to hear from me. He even started “liking” my posts since Jan, which is unusual. He even asked me for my phone number in the beginning and kept asking me if I had plans coming his way (he lives in Canada, I live an ocean away) and he said “I haven’t seen you in a long time. I want to see you this year.” So when I said I have plans this fall to visit the States, he said that was too far away and told me he had plans to visit where I am, sometime soon this year. He sounded desperate. I replied back to him saying to let me know if dates are fixed and asked him about his parents (trying to keep the convo going). But he hasn’t texted me back after this. Its been almost 2 weeks now. Did I say/do something wrong? Its hard trying to keep a conversation going, especially when we’re living oceans apart. We had a LDR. Facebook is the only form of contact we have right now. He hasn’t called me yet either. I’m running out of topics to keep this going and I dont want to bring up our past relationship yet. I want to get him back, if he’s really divorced. I dont want to loose him again. What do I do next? Plz help!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi G,

      I think you need to make it clear first with him if he’s divorced… because if he’s just playing with youx that can be a reason on why didn’t reply anymore now..

  19. Sheryl - 0


    Hello!! Am a bit unsure if my comment got submitted as it disappeared!:/

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sheryl,

      hmm it’s still in my pending comments. I’m going to save your query for similar cases. Thank you for letting us know.
      Going back to you, I think you should still try nc.. if it doesn’t work out, move on. You’re right, it’s hard to say that it’s a real relationship if you haven’t met at all…

  20. Sheryl - 0


    Hi I published a really Long comment about my situation. It got submitted and awaited moderation and then disappeared

    But basically, what are the odds of NC working if it’s a strictly Internet relationship with an initial plan of meeting in 2018? At this stage we were at 1.5 years of LDR strictly Internet… Thanks.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sheryl,

      hmm it’s still in my pending comments. I’m going to save your query for similar cases. Thank you for letting us know.
      Going back to you, I think you should still try nc.. if it doesn’t work out, move on. You’re right, it’s hard to say that it’s a real relationship if you haven’t met at all…

    • Sheryl - 0


      Hi Amor!

      Also to be honest, I think he’s not the kind who can do a LDR. He had a LDR for 3 months once, but was skeptical about it. But some friend of mine thought that, it could be that, he met me and wanted to give LDR a shot, but realised he couldn’t do it. In this case, would what I am doing work to get him back? Especially now that he’s probably very convinced that he doesnt want an LDR?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but you’re more likely to be friendzoned if you kept contact right away after the breakup.. dont worry, he’ll get curious and check your account, so make your posts public

    • Sheryl - 0


      Hi Amor thank you!

      I’m in no contact week 2 now . I have removed my profile pic and last seen from my WhatsApp but not block him. I’m unsure if he thinks I blocked him, but I’m sure that he still has me as a contact on his phone (I can see his last seen but not my Friend who’s not his contact)

      Will keep you guys updated! Meanwhile I’m trying really hard to focus on myself but the pain still comes back every night

  21. Sheryl - 0


    Hi Chris and team! I understand that you guys think the strictly Internet LDR isn’t a real relationship as we have never met before.

    Me and my SO got together in a really strange way on the Internet, starting off as friends while I was in an unhappy relationship and then getting together. We have been on the Internet for 1.5 years till now with the intention to meet in 2018 (when he closes the GAP though not entirely, by teaching English in a nearby country). The plan was to continue a LDR for another 5 years (while I am stuck to my home country for 5 years with a bond). He’d want to travel around the continent and also continue a LDR… Everything was looking good and the plan is progressing rather smoothly. But 3 weeks ago he suddenly broke up with me after an argument and said he couldn’t do a 5 year LDR etc. He blocked me for 2 weeks but I was kinda crazy and psycho, texting his Mum once to say thank you and his friends etc. He unblocked me after 2 weeks and wanted to remain friends and acted like we were never together.. And talks about things very rather detached. He avoids all my talk about the relationship and said that he’s hurting too but he thinks this is the best way for both of us. He said that he had let his emotional side of things screw up the logic side of things when we started.

    During the 1.5 years we were really close, texted and talked Everyday on the phone with occasional Skype.

    I have decided not to reply him for 4 days, but I’m so confused as to why he’s not texting me first (maybe he’s really wanting to move on, despite him saying feelings have not changed).

    Do you think I should try the NO contact rule as well and that it would work…? He claims that he’s also trying to adapt to not talk to me but it seems like he’s doing well as he was the one who decided to initiate it….It’s just we are about to meet in another year and it’s quite a waste in my opinion.. Thank you!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sheryl,

      hmm it’s still in my pending comments. I’m going to save your query for similar cases. Thank you for letting us know.
      Going back to you, I think you should still try nc.. if it doesn’t work out, move on. You’re right, it’s hard to say that it’s a real relationship if you haven’t met at all…

    • Sheryl - 0


      Hi Amor! Thanks for the reply:)

      Today marks 1 week into NC. Thing is I’m pretty sure he’d reply me if I text him after NC. He seems like he really wants me as a Friend without all the LDR distance problems. I’m just worried that if I initiate contact, he’d think I’ve moved on and am okay with being friends only (which I’m not). I would try NC no doubt, but is there a chance where he’d be friendly and all and the romantic feelings gone?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s too early to lose the romantic feelings and that’s why you need to be really active in improving yourself during and after nc, to make him regret not having you.

    • Sheryl - 0


      Thanks Amor!

      I’ve been trying to keep my mind off him. However he hasn’t unblocked me on Facebook, only WhatsApp. So he can’t see my progress and my moving on (which I guess is what he wants?) I turned off my last seen and WhatsApp profile picture for now as well. But I don’t think he’d notice:/

      It’s quite selfish of him to end us all of a sudden when he realises that he cannot do the distance 1.5years in

  22. Devastated - 0


    It’s been my NC for 3 weeks so far. In the last conversation we had, I asked him to start over again and he said he’d write me back in regard to the question. And he did not apparently…so far… and all of a sudden he requested to follow me on instagram (not automatic cause I blocked him on fb) what should i do? I’m thinking of continue on NC and not accept it cause the account is full of pics of us when we were together and I barely use it. And also he did not respond to me on skype. What should i do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Devastated,

      yup,.dont approve it..

  23. Anonymous - 0


    Hi. I’ve tried his before and it worked! He came back to me last december. But recently, we had a fight the last time he went home. It is about me getting jealous, and he told me that I was insecure and my insecurities are causing harm because I always complain to him. I said I will change if he wanted to fix this. But he never responds. It has been a weekam already since we have no contact. I got irritated that I told him earlier that I hate him already because this is the first time we don’t settle things. I just want to be clear that we are just in a fight but I feel that we were on a break. I asked him but still no reply. Will NC still work for the second time around?

  24. J - 0


    okay so i got abit drunk last night and texted him asking for another chance and he said he doesnt want to give me a chance no matter what. I messed up and I dont know if one year left can help make him miss me abit do you think it will? you always say NC makes them miss u or at least wonder but my case is diff since he knows why i am not talking to him for that chance. but i got so drunk last night and fucked it all up HELP

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi J,

      it’s not a guarante… But you keep doing the same thing, of course you’ll get the same results right?

  25. Lu - 0


    Hi. I wanted to ask something I havent seen mentioned before. Basically he broke up with me due to my mental issues – depressed (im working on them now, i havent before) and I said some stuff durign the relationships were mean. While we had a lot of fun too it was just random episodes. He said he is too tired now and cant do it anymore. Do I still have a chance? He said he still loves me and 2 weeks before break up that i stole his heart. We had been together for 1.5 year and known each other for 2 years. the last 2 weeks prior to break up has been the worst in a while for me. Its been going on off and on for about a year now. Anyways I got help now so im better. I contacted him after 10 days to let him know im doing better. I would like to talk to him about the things and clear it out. Ideas please?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lu,

      Is it 10 days just after the break up? That’s not going to convince anybody that you are better. I think you need to do at least 30 or 45 day no contact period and then after that slowly build rapport.

  26. Devastated - 0


    Hi it’s been 17 days of my nc so far, which I’m going to continue til 45 as you recommended. So far, no msg, no contact, nothing from him. Although he did mention about going on a trip for a week, it’s still hard not to miss him. I know there might be nothing you can help with at this point but just wanted to share. I’m trying to keep myself busy with studying and other things but what else I could do?

  27. Joy - 0


    Hi! On here again. I’m finding it so hard to follow the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro book. I tried doing what I read but it’s hard cause he only goes online at work cause you doesn’t have wifi at home. But he can’t keep messaging me cause he’s at work, so how do I get the flow? Also, when I message him he answers but sometimes he doesn’t he just reads it why? Should I be messaging him everyday? I think he might get annoyed. Plus, I think he has a new girl. Which I’m sorry to say is a S**t. But I think that’s what attracted him to her. What can I do and say to him? I’m so lost now. Help!
    Thank you!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Joy,

      That’s not sounding good. What about text messages? Doesn’t he have mobile phone load for that? If he’s hasn’t answered for the third time, that means it’s better to move on.

  28. TC - 0


    My boyfriend broke up with my at the weekend, we’ve been in an LDR for about 7-8 months, originally he was overseas and we would fly and see each other, but now he is in the country but about 300 miles away. The last time I saw him was mid January. He was supposed to be home this weekend but it got cancelled. There have been a few things like weddings etc that I’ve invited him to that he hasnt been able to attend and he has felt really bad about.
    We are in and LDR as he is in the army and has been working extremely long hours, inc day/night shifts, pretty much everyday since he went away after xmas.
    Since he left I didn’t want to bother him too much with him being so busy so I wasnt staying in contact as much as I should. Further to that I was missing him and had stress at home that I didnt want to burden him so I was extremely crankly at towards him when we did speak.
    On Saturday he broke up with me saying he isn’t really ready for commitment due to his work at the minute and that he just doesnt have the time and he will only keep letting me down and disappointing me. He also said how the breakup isn’t my fault and that he thinks its better that he walks away now before he ends up hurting me. He ended the conversation saying that it is almost certain his next posting will be further away in the country and that he feels it is unfair for him to ask me to make sacrifices for him and the relationship.
    Although I do feel disappointed today, I’m over the shock.
    I think the fact I wasnt affectionate enough was the reason he ended it, in the two or weeks leading up to this weekend he was so much more affectionate over texts than usual almost trying to over compensate and I was pulling away. The last conversation we had before the breakup he was being sweet and I was again being a little snappy and difficult. I think this is what ended the relationship and he has used the distance as some logical reasoning to spare my feelings. I think perhaps he also feels a little guilty about being away and missing events.
    I’ve given it some thought and tried to be constructive and make a plan, I am prepared to try and sort my snappiness and I have made enquiries at work and they are happy for me to spend time at an office fairly close to where he is posted (Within 20 miles) this means that if I did get my ex back I could still see him regulaerly in the short/medium term and it wouldnt cost anything as my employer would pay travel, hotels, expenses etc. Longer term we have offices all over the country so wherever he goes, I could in theory move and still keep my job if things became much more serious between us.

    I have three simple questions…
    Does it seem more likely that it was me or the distance that caused the breakup as I’m not sure which I should focus on more with him?
    How do I demonstrate to him that I can be affectionate and not snappy when he is ignoring me?
    How do I indicate that I have the option to overcome the distance? – i was thinking to do some facebook checkin’s at that office or maybe a town within 30-45mins away maybe once or twice over the next month or two to make him wonder why I am there?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tc,

      For me it’s more likely the distance. Tell him you have a solution first, if he still doesn’t want to go back with you, try the no contact rule.

  29. Overthinking - 0


    Well it’s been a fair few months since I commented on here.
    It has not gone well, I have followed the rules, even had him agree to meet up with me last year, which he pulled out of when I got to his city, no matter, I hung out with other friends and we all posted our fun on social media.
    I have tried to keep up with contact with him, some days he was great, others not so much.
    Now less then 8 mths in to his new relationship he just got engaged to her, so it is time for me to let it be.
    Most of the people whom know him think he is crazy for his actions, but this is him acting out on his ex wife leaving him.
    As one of my friends (psychologist) pointed out to me, this is the whole reason behind him quitting on me, I just wasn’t near enough, and that I should feel “lucky” as the new girl is just a second choice, she was just there, convenient.
    He following the same pattern he did with his first wife, and that she holds no great hope for this union, and she was happy that I wasn’t living closer to him, or I’d be in the situation now and leading to a bigger heartache.
    So for now I am done with him.
    I have new guys that have come into my life in the last few months and no, it is slow pace from now on, my life is on track, my studying is going great, and maybe moving countries in the near future.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Overthinking,

      That’s good that you chose to move on instead of chasing him..

  30. Nadia - 0


    So, we met in late November, in Paris, where I was for 4 weeks. Before I went back to the US, we had an amazing night and decided to continue long-distance until I come back in March for 5 weeks. Everything was going well, until late January when we had a fight. He went silent for a week, I apologized for giving him a hard time for missing our Skype call and not even apologizing. He referred to “couple pressure” and I then told him in the same email that we weren’t yet a couple and I that just wanted to get to know him better. He went silent again and after a week I wrote to him apologizing again and telling him that I missed him and didn’t want to give up on this “relationship”. He replied right away that he didn’t want to lose me either but that he he couldn’t believe what I’d written and that even though he’d been sad, he didn’t want a long-distance relationship. However, he finished his email by saying that he didn’t want to lose me even if it was long-distance and that he wanted to continue exchanging emails and texts until he saw me. After that, he wanted to Skype, but I said I would be busy that evening. He still texted me that evening saying he was ready to talk, but I said that I’d already told him that I wouldn’t be available. We tentatively agreed to talk the next day, but he didn’t call and I didn’t wait for him. He emailed me saying that he was really sick and that he hoped I wasn’t angry with him and that he was hoping to feel better and talk that evening if I was available. I replied that I wasn’t angry at all, but didn’t mention a call. He went silent again for a week and then texted that he had no valid excuses for his silence and but just wanted us to meet face-to-face and in real life in March to “perhaps relaunch this machine” and that he hoped I’d understand. I replied by saying that I understood and that I was thanking him for the great time we spent in Paris together, for all the sweet words that he’d said to me and for all of our interesting conversations. I said “let’s turn the page and stay friends”. Then he replied that he would have loved to have a girlfriend like me in Paris and that we were too far from each other to have a love relationship but not too far to have a friendship. He said “it was hard to make this decision knowing that I was risking losing your friendship also, but I forgot for a second that you were a brilliant, tolerant and open-minded girl. I hope that we continue to see each other and discuss everything when you are in Paris. I really hope to see you again in Paris even if it’s just to improve your French.” Following that he emailed me “I adore you” and when I replied jokingly “I believe you, dear friend, but could you say that to me one more time in real life in March around coffee” he said “With great pleasure. I’m still thinking of you. Don’t believe it’s over in making this decision, but I truly hope that we stay close even if the distance separates us.” He was in Tel Aviv at the moment and sent me a nice pic of the beach saying “It looks like it’s snowing at your place. In Tel Aviv it’s really nice”. I waited a week, then emailed him a really cool old short film (he’s in the industry) and he replied right away saying “I believe that we have synchronized neurons (if not hearts). I was going to send you this article and voila, I find a really great short film that I’ve never seen before. Thank you for this pearl.” And the title of this scientific article was “Why do so many women regret one night stands”. I replied to him saying “Our neurons (and hearts) must really be synchronized. Just last week I read another article about how oxytocin induces the feeling of attachment in women and that’s why many women have a hard time dealing with one night stands. It’s like a mini break up.” It’s been a week and no word from him. He knows that I’m coming next week and I want to email him this “I was just thinking about the last time we had a drink together. It was at the Tokyo Palace. I would love to see you again. This Friday I’m having Sabbath dinner at a friend’s house, but let me know when you’re ready to go out for a drink or even to the movies.” I haven’t stopped crying since the breakup and I fear that he’s already moved on. However, given the positive communication, I’m hoping that he meets with me. I want to let him know when we are face-to-face that I made a mistake in saying that I wanted to turn the page and that I want to try to make it work with him and can commit to spending every other month in Paris. I hope that it’s not too late because I really like him and didn’t we have a strong intellectual connection. Basically, this happened because throughout our communications I made myself “too unavailable” and acted too cold and distant and that’s why this happened. I was also really upset following his silence and reading his suggestion to “relaunch the machine” when we finally meet face-to-face I thought that he wasn’t really into me anymore, so I broke ended this first. Now, I’m devastated.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nadia,

      let’s see what happens after the meet up first. If it doesn’t go well, try doing the no contact rule.

  31. LL - 0



    A week ago I made a comment, I can’t find it anymore now, but I’m still in Nc as you said. He did wish me a happy birthday and was being polite in his way I think. I only answered thank you.

    I kind of feel like he is not going to be changing his mind since we have a distance between each other and he is in university doing a master. When we broke up he also told me it wouldn’t be the time for us now , so bad timing and that the study asked more of him than he thought it would. I have the feeling that he’s doing quite fine right now and not missing me at all , kind of an out of sight out of mind situation. He also felt like he couldn’t connect the right way and I couldnt there when special things would be going on in his life..

    Should I just try to let go of it all, let him be free. I guess it’s still in my head and I need some more insights


    • Chris Seiter - 4
    • LL - 0


      Thank you, I’ve read the article. I did have ideas of moving to his country, but right now he’s in a different one for only a year, it’s to short of a period to find a job + house there. Which he said would take too long.. And he didn’t seem to be able to see how we would do that , while I’m actually thinking a lot easier about it , to me everything is possible. But he sees trouble in everything as it seemed…

    • LL - 0


      It would take too long, if I would wait with moving until he’s in his own country I mean..

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you mean after a year he’s going back to his country right? That means after a year you could go there? But correct me if I’m wrong, he thinks after that you would have a hard time finding a home and a job? For me, one year is enough to know the companies there, the probably positions and to list them. And then apply maybe a month before the probably move because if you have the money, (which you can save up for a whole year), it would be easier to find a rental place..

    • LL - 0


      Thank you for your reply.

      I decided to give up. He told me we don’t fit in each others lives anymore.
      I feel like I can’t do nothing about this but to surrender.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok, you’re welcome.

  32. Abbs - 0


    UPDATE! Okay, so I’m in a LDR with my EX/ now BF. I had previously been writing about my process in different posts but can’t find them. Anyways, I think things are going good. I think we are back together? I did the NC, he replied and here we are now. Just recently he called me his girlfriend. He said, “Can’t I ask my girlfriend for advice?” I didn’t say anything about it. We have been calling each other everyday and communicating like before, but why does it feel different? I feel like I’m kind of mad at him for doing this to us, but then I’m really happy. He is usually sweet but then I feel like he’s distant. We haven’t talked about anything officially but I guess we are grown ass people and know how we feel. The labels are there. I know it’s stupid to be obsessing over his social media but he changed his facebook profile picture and has been adding LOTS of girls on facebook and instagram. I asked him if he has been talking to girls and he just said, “Why do you keep asking me that?” It’s the 2nd time I asked him! -.- Bleh! So I told him it was scary to feel so comfortable again and he got upset because he said he hadn’t thought about this anymore. He said that he gets a rush of emotions and hates it, so we didn’t talk for the rest of the day. Whatever! Ugh, I’m annoyed about this whole process. I’m happy that we are back together and trying things out, but why does it feel different? I feel like I’m the one that’s mainly trying. Like I said before, he’s sweet but he hasn’t sent me morning messages, or stuff like before. Is he still holding back or what does it mean? Am I expecting too much too soon? I hate the fact that I’m trying and he also had fault in this! Please give me some advice! 🙁 I’ve read the advice in other articles in regards to how to make him miss you, how to make him want you, whatever. Sorry for the coldness, I’m just annoyed. We have a trip to see each other in 2 weeks and a couple of days. HELP!!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      did you tell him why you’re asking him that? Talk to him about what you feel when you’re together in person and the solutions for it.

    • Abbs - 0


      Yes, I told him why I was asking him that. I told him that It felt good and scary that I was able to trust him again, but I think I might be playing myself. I trust him, but still have these ugly feelings. He’s been adding so many girls on his social media and even girls that have caused problems for us. What should I do? Should I be worried? I’ve tried to read anything to help me be better about this, because I know it should be okay for them to have girl friends, but damnit! This is such an ugly feeling that I don’t even know what to think or feel. Bleh! Our trip is coming up so fast and I think I’m starting to regret it. Of course, I sent him a message asking him if he felt good about adding all those girls. He’ responded playing dumb so I haven’t even bothered messaging him back . Amor, what advice to you have for me? Please tell me something that can help take this emptiness feeling away! 🙁

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      don’t be confronting. First, you look like you’re stalking his moves. Second, that pushes him away. If you’re still angry. Take your time, don’t initiate.

  33. J - 0


    If theres no chance i will figure out a way to get a chance. I know i sound super crazy for wanting someone back so badly but i am so so so regretful. I ruined it all. I just dont know if i should message him asking if he will reconsider again over time or not?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Honestly, I think you should do what you think you want to do, as long as it’s not dangerous because that’s the only way that you will hear or see what he really thinks about.

  34. J - 0


    Is it too late now to do NC even though ik it wont work? 1 year of no talk….

    I tried talking to him but he didnt seem interested and itd be like one word responses. I see him liking abuncha girls stuff like girls he knows i hate and he knows those girls are obsessed with him. It could be because hes desperate since hes in the military but idk why i feel like this. Trust me 9 months from now id still want a chance. I cannot move on no matter how hard i try its been almost 7 months since we broke up. I lost every chance i can with him.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If there’s no chance, what are you going to do?

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