The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Long distance relationships are hard. Getting an ex back who you had a long distance relationship is even harder. Today, I am going to tackle this very complex subject and give you a set of actionable steps you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your relationship back. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning that this page is probably going to end up being the second longest in the history of this site. A lot of people have contacted me directly begging for a page like this so I took a lot of time to research and brainstorm a plan for getting an ex back in this specific circumstance.

Before I really get started I want to mention that while this guide is probably one of the most in-depth ones ever created about long distance relationships it pails in comparison to the training I put together for you below.

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February 1, 2017

1 - What Are Long Distance Relationships?

long distance relationship

What a stupid question right? I mean, you don’t really need to know what a LDR (long distance relationship) is right?

WRONG!

In this section we are going to define long distance relationships and talk about the different kinds of LDR’s that exist in today’s society.

Long Distance Relationships- A specific type of relationship where the couple is separated by a considerable amount of distance.

The keyword in that definition is “considerable.” You might be shocked to learn that a lot of people who I have communicated with as a result of this site think they are in a LDR because they live an hour away from their partner. That is simply not true. In my mind, a true long distance relationship is one where you are separated by states, countries or even oceans. That is where the word “considerable” comes into play. A considerable amount of distance to me has to be a minimum of 500 miles.

Now, lets talk a little about the different kinds of long distance relationships that currently exist.

The Marriage LDR

This is always a tough one to deal with. In this long distance relationship the couple in question is married. Perhaps at one time they even lived together. However, a certain set of circumstances have caused one of them to relocate (a considerable amount of distance away.) Now, since this page is dealing specifically with ex boyfriends don’t let that fool you, this page can work for married couples who have broken up as well.

The Move Away LDR

This is another one of those stories I hear way too often when it comes to long distance relationships. Here is how this one works. Basically, a couple is dating and doing fine. However, after time one of the couple members are presented with an opportunity that causes them to move away for a considerable distance (or in some cases they are forced to.) If you and your ex are in a situation like this then this page can work for you.

The “Few Months” LDR

Believe it or not but I have actually dealt with a lot of women in this exact predicament. How this type of long distance relationship works is pretty simple. A couple is dating and due to a certain set of circumstances one of them has to relocate (very similarly to the marriage LDR above.) Of course, there is one BIG difference. Instead of relocating indefinitely the person that relocated is only going to be gone for a few months. If you and your boyfriend have broken up and have a very similar story to the “few months” LDR then this page can definitely work for you. However, you might also want to check this page out too.

The Internet To Person LDR

This is an interesting type of relationship. Initially, you met your (now ex boyfriend) online and that led to you meeting in person. The thing is though, when you met online you were separated by a considerable amount of distance and even today you are separated by a considerable amount of distance. If this sounds like your situation then this page can pretty much help you out a lot!

The Strictly Internet LDR

This is the ONE type of long distance relationship that this page can not help you on. In this type of relationship the two of you have never met on person, you have only ever met online. The reason why this type of a relationship won’t work for this page is because I personally don’t consider it a relationship. I mean, come on, you have never even met your so called significant other in person.

2 - What It Takes To Have A Successful Long Distance Relationship

successful LDR

You failed..

That’s why your here right? I’ll admit, long distance relationships are hard. In fact, I find them so hard that I don’t personally think I can enter one. Well, I suppose I should never say never but I am generally not a fan of them for one specific reason. If I am dating someone I want to be able to see them IN PERSON. However, a lot of people aren’t like me when it comes to long distance relationships. In fact, some people can thrive on them. One of my best friends dated his girlfriend (long distance) for two years and they are still together today. So, it is possible to have a happy ending.

Anyways, back to the point. If you are here it is most likely because you and your ex had a long distance relationship but you are now broken up. Whatever the reasons may be for the breakup the two of you are not together anymore. That means you couldn’t make the long distance relationship work.

Look, no one is blaming you. I just stated above I couldn’t do it so my hats off to you for even trying. Nevertheless, you are here because you want your ex back and you are willing to do whatever it takes. I thought it might be a good idea to figure out what makes a successful long distance relationship so you know what you need to do the second time around (assuming you are able to get your boyfriend back.) So, I did a lot of research and came up with the following qualities that are constant among successful LDR’s.

(For more in-depth information on getting a long distance ex boyfriend back please visit this page.)

Doing Things Together Over The Phone

One of my best memories in high school is talking on the phone with girls. You see, when I went to high school texting hadn’t become as big as it is now. Add in the fact that I didn’t even have text messaging and you are left with someone who actually had to go “old school” and call girls for dates. I remember staying up so late at night and literally talking until a girl would fall asleep on the phone with me.

Every successful long distance relationship has this type of element to it. A tireless ability to talk on the phone for hours. Of course, couples in long distance relationships take things a step further by actually doing things together on the phone. Common examples include:

  • Watching a favorite television show together. (Netflix is great for this 😉 )
  • Cooking together on the phone.
  • Playing a board game together.

Communicating On A Daily Basis, NO MATTER WHAT!

Another quality that successful LDR couples have is that they talk every single day. Now, there is a difference between stalking and communicating. Unsuccessful LDR’s usually have one couple member constantly freaking out over what the other one is doing. There has to be some trust involved or else your whole relationship will fall apart.

Technological Face Time

We live in a world of electronics and smart phones. I mean, for god sakes there is an entire section of this website dedicated solely to texting. For a couple separated by distance it is imperative that you take advantage of such electronic inventions.

We have already established that successful couples are always communicating with each other via a phone. Ah, but there is a problem with a phone. While you can hear the person talking on it, it is impossible to see their face. Well, with inventions like Skype or “FaceTime” this is no longer a problem. You can communicate with someone face to face over the phone.

Actually, the first time I heard about Skype was from a buddy of mine who was dating a girl that had left for college across the country. I remember him telling me that they skyped every single day and it had helped a lot to maintain the closeness that both of them were so vigorously craving.

ACTUAL Face Time

While things like Skype and FaceTime are fantastic tools for maintaining a technological closeness with your significant other nothing can beat actually seeing them in person. The feelings you feel, the ability to actually hold someone in your arms and do “other” things is part of the total package when you see someone in person. I don’t care what you say, in my mind nothing beats seeing someone you care about in person.

Every and I mean EVERY long distance relationship that has stood the test of time has a member taking time out of his/her schedule to see the other member in person. Now, that also presents us with an interesting problem…

You Have To Have Money (or EXTREME Budgeting Skills)

This point kind of goes hand in hand with the one above, in order to see your significant other someone in the relationship has to be willing to shell out the $’s. I can’t tell you how many women I have communicated with on this site whose LDR failed because someone wasn’t willing to fork over the money when the break came in schedules to see each other.

No relationship can survive if the two people never see each other. Speaking of things that relationships can’t survive without…

Phone Sex

This may be a little controversial but this is my firm belief, no relationship can survive without sex.

So, that leaves you in a really bad spot when you first embark on a long distance relationship. I mean, what are you supposed to do?

Enter phone sex!

My friend (who I have mentioned a couple of times already on this page already) is one of the few people I know who has made a long distance relationship work. Let me give you his statistics. He has been dating his girlfriend for about five years (two of which were long distance.) When I asked him how he did it, how he could bear being away from his girlfriend that long he muttered two simple words.

“phone sex”

He told me that without phone sex he would have broken up with her. I have no statistics to back up the claim I am about to make but I think women can go without sex longer than men can. A point will eventually come where men, who have been on a “dry spell,” will start to wander else where. So, in order to combat a mans wandering eyes you have to actually schedule “phone sex sessions.”

3 - Is It Even In Your Character To Do A LDR?

LDR meme

In the section above I described some of the characteristics/ things that all successful long distance relationships have. Now, lets not get in over our heads here, LDR’s are very hard. I am not going to lie to you, most long distance relationships I have dealt with fall apart because they require an extreme amount of patience and dedication.

I wanted to put this section on this page for one simple reason, I want YOU to know if you are cut out for a long distance relationship. There are certain people that just can’t do it. It isn’t in their character to do it. If you are one of those people don’t feel too bad. At least you have learned something about yourself.

Lets start with the type of women that ARE cut out for LDR’s.

Types Of Women Who Are Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You enjoy talking on your phone.
  • You don’t mind talking on your phone in public.
  • You have experience emailing, texting and calling on the phone multiple times a day.
  • You don’t mind going to new place and having experiences
  • You are a patient person.
  • You DON’T have any kids.
  • You are a phone sex goddess.

Ok, now that we have the “good qualities” for LDR’s out of the way lets focus on people who aren’t cut out for it.

Types Of Women Who Are NOT Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You hate talking on the phone.
  • You are not a constant emailer or texter.
  • You are very impulsive.
  • You are not patient.
  • You are not a fan of traveling.
  • When you talk you use a lot of body language to get your points across.
  • Deep down you aren’t willing to put in the work a LDR requires.

What I am about to say is really important so I want to make sure that you are listening because I am about to give you the key to knowing if a LDR with your ex boyfriend could possibly work if you get back together. Take a look at the two lists I created above. Essentially I gave you the qualities that you need to have in order to be willing to have a LDR. In addition, I gave you the qualities that you can’t have if you are going to do a LDR.

Now, I know you read those lists and immediately thought to yourself:

“I have ALL of the good qualities.”

Well, that is really great and all but you are only HALF the equation. In case I missed something I think that a relationship involves two people. When it comes to long distance relationships your man has to have the “good” qualities I listed above for you to have a shot at making this work. I want you to think really hard and figure out if you think HE has what it takes to make a LDR work.

4 - The Headwind You Have To Face In A LDR

Long-Distance-Relationship2

While you are figuring out that little nugget of knowledge I gave you in the section above lets talk about some of the things you have working against you in a long distance relationship. You see, in order to get your ex boyfriend back if there is a considerable amount of distance separating you right now it is important to discuss all of the things that you have to overcome.

Just a word of warning, this section may be a little depressing. Don’t get too down though because I am going to give you the tools to combat all of this headwind later in this article. For now though, lets talk negatives.

Headwind #1- You Can’t Talk To Your Significant Other In Person

A normal relationship usually goes something like this:

Billy and Sally love each other. They live about 30 minutes from one another but spend time every single day together. They text, call and do all the things that are supposed to happen in a normal relationship

A long distance relationship probably goes like this:

George and Jeanie love each other. They are separated by two states. They do their best to call each other every day but their schedules are so busy that they sometimes forget to. The distance causes problems mostly because they haven’t seen each other in person in two months.

Make no mistake about it, being able to see someone you care about in person is a distinct advantage that regular relationships have over long distance ones.

Headwind #2- Touch and “Other Things ;)”

No hugging..

No kissing…

No holding hands…

NO SEX…

When I date someone I expect to do all of the above. Of course, I am a guy so being able to “touch” a woman is high up there on my list. What it all boils down to is that when you are physical with someone it provides a sense of security and togetherness that you just can’t make up over long distance. No doubt about it this is some serious headwind that you are going to have to figure out a way to overcome.

Headwind #3- No More Dates 🙁

I like dates!

I like the nervous feeling I get before I take a girl out for the first time. I like it all and I am not alone in this. While some guys will say they hate dating I think most of us enjoy them a lot more than we let on. When you are in a long distance relationship there are no more dates. Sure, maybe once a month one of you comes to see the other person. However, I am talking about the every week dates that happen when you are dating someone. In a LDR that just isn’t possible and as a result you are missing out on important bonding time that could further cement your relationship.

Headwind #5- Missing Out On Birthdays Or Other Special Occasions

Tell me if this story sounds familiar.

Billy and Sally are in a long distance relationship. For three straight months they have been an unbearable distance away from each other. Sally is having a birthday that Billy desperately wants to attend… only he can’t because of the distance.

Another negative of LDR’s is that you cannot attend your significant others birthday in person. Sure, you may give him a call but ultimately you can’t be there in person. Oh, but I am not only talking about birthdays here. Lets say that one person gets sick and you aren’t able to be there for them. What if a pet gets hurt, a child’s first step or word? These are all very important bonding moments in a relationships life and you could be missing out on them.

Headwind #6- The Commute

Lets fast forward for a minute and pretend that you and your ex boyfriend got back together. You implemented the steps on this page and are reunited ;). Well, in order to keep your relationship alive you have agreed that you will commute to see each other more in person. There is just one problem, you are having trouble agreeing on who should commute to who. If handled incorrectly this negotiation (for the commuted) could cause a strain in your relationship.

Headwind #7- Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

I saved this one for last for a reason, because it is the number one killer of long distance relationships.

Women tend to cheat for emotional reasons. Mostly because men aren’t giving them what they need emotionally.

Men on the other hand cheat because they get horny. I know it is a sad thing to hear but it is true. If a man is in a committed LDR there are going to be certain “dry spells” where he won’t be getting any. These dry spells will make that man horny and he will be more likely to cheat because of that.

Adding insult to injury, it is likely you won’t have any clue because the two of you are separated by so much distance.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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5 - What To Do After A LDR Breakup

crazy breakup girl

So, you and your ex broke up… now what?

You clearly want him back but are completely unsure on how to approach things because there is a great distance separating you. Not to mention all of the headwind I talked about above..

So, what are you supposed to do?

In my experience there are really only two ways things can go now.

  1. You can beg to be taken back essentially turning into a text or phone gnat (annoying your ex.)
  2. You can implement a no contact rule and work on evolving while the dust settles from the breakup fallout.

Option two please!

The No Contact Rule

A lot of people ask me “will the no contact rule work if I was in a long distance relationship?”

You bet your butt it will. Admittedly, it will be more effective if you and your ex were used to talking to each other every single day. However, even if that wasn’t the case I would still recommend doing the no contact rule. Now, before I get into the nitty gritty lets talk a little about what the NC rule is.

The No Contact Rule A set period of time where you will not text, call, email, facebook, google plus, snap chat, skype or talk to your ex in any way shape or form.

In your case I am going to recommend that you do a NC rule for 30 days. That means that you have to stay in NC for an entire month without any slip ups. If you do slip up and talk to your ex then you are going to have to start over from day 1 again.

Why The NC Rule Works

I received an interesting email yesterday. One of my visitors was reading through the site and found solace in a paragraph on one of the pages. The paragraph was all about the guys perspective during the NC rule. Essentially describing why the NC rule can be so effective.

Since that person emailed me wanting to know more about the guys perspective during the NC rule I figured everyone would so I wanted to put this section in.

IF the no contact rule is implemented correctly and works here is what will happen in a guys mind:

Day 1: “I bet she is the one who breaks first and contacts me.”

Day 2: “Yea, she will definitely be the one who reaches out first.”

Day 3: “Why isn’t she reaching out?”

Day 6: “WTF is going on?? She was supposed to talk to me by now.”

Day 10: Your ex boyfriend will send out a text message checking up on you. Of course, you won’t respond to it.

Day 11: “Ok, now I am mad.. I can’t believe she ignored my text.”

Day 12: He will call you, which you will of course ignore.

Day 13: “That B&*ch, how could she do this?”

Day 15: “I totally hate her..”

Day 25: He will send out another text which you will ignore again.

Day 26: “That is it.. she is the scum of the earth…”

Day 30: You send out your first text to him and he literally runs around like a little girl filled with excitement.

6 - What You Do During The NC Rule Is The Most Important Thing

funny bench

This is where a lot of people who come to this site fail. They think if they try out a 30 day no contact rule that all of their problems are over. After the thirty days their ex will just come running back into their arms. Sorry Charlie but it doesn’t work that way. While a part of the NC rule is for your ex a big part of it is for you.

What you do during the 30 days is essential to getting your ex back. Remember, this isn’t a vacation and if you want him back you have to be willing to put int the work. Now, people in long distance relationships have a pretty good advantage over normal relationships when it comes to this section.

Usually, with a normal relationship I recommend that women evolve during the 30 days into basically the hottest version of themselves that ever existed. That means, women in normal relationships have 30 days before they potentially could see their ex in person. While a lot can happen over the month I am not entirely sold on a life changing transformation happening in that amount of time. Where you have the advantage is the fact that it could be months before you even get to see your ex. While you may look at that fact and frown I tend to take the opposite approach.

The fact that it could be months before you see your ex in person just means that you have more time to prepare, more time to knock his socks off when he sees you.

I recommend picking up my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for ideas on how you can change both mentally and physically during the NC period.

The Mindset You Need To Have During No Contact

Sometimes in order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.

Women who understand this tend to do really well when it comes to getting an ex back. If you are an avid reader of this site then you will find the next phrase I am about to say all too familiar. Men want the unattainable. We want what we can’t have and since I am assuming that you want your ex boyfriend back really really badly right now he is sensing that he can have you.

Here is your main problem. Right now, you aren’t willing to walk away to get him back. I will never forget the time when I was a little boy and went with my dad to watch him negotiate for a car at a car dealership. The thing about my dad is that he is always prepared when it comes to these types of things. He did a lot of research and had what he thought was a fair price in mind. So, when the time came to haggle over the price the car salesman and my dad went back and forth. They haggled and haggled and haggled until my dad determined that he wasn’t going to be getting the price he wanted.

So, my dad did what you are supposed to do in these circumstances. In the middle of the negotiation he literally got up and said “Chris, come on we are leaving.” It took about ten steps before we heard a “wait, come back” from the car salesman. That little tactic just won my dad the negotiation as he got his price.

In this case it was “sometimes in order to get the car you have to be willing to lose the car.”

7 - The Contact Guide For LDR's

talk to me goose

Ah, now we are getting somewhere. In this section I am going to give a pretty in-depth game plan that you should follow when talking to an ex who you were in a long distance relationship with. Now, before I really dive in here I do want to mention that the ONLY time that you should begin this “contact guide” is when you have completed the 30 day no contact rule that I talked about so much above.

You are about to find out that the rules are just a little bit different when it comes to contacting an ex in a long distance relationship.

What Is Different About Contacting An LDR Ex Vs. A Normal Ex?

  • It is all about setting up a date where you see each other in person.
  • You are allowed to use things like Skype and FaceTime BUT only when I specify below.
  • You SHOULD take a little more time to build rapport with your ex.
  • IF you do succeed in reuniting you have to find ways around the headwind I talked about above.

Ok, enough talking. Lets get to the good stuff.

Your First Contact After NC

Before I dive in to the first contact text message I just want to make you aware that the example texts found below aren’t going to be enough for you. Inevitably you will always want more examples which is why I created The Texting Bible.

So, if you want to up your “texting game” I suggest you take a look at it. Especially since it’s such a vital part of getting an ex back in an LDR.

The first contact you have with your ex should be done via a text message like I recommend throughout my site.

What’s my best advice for sending out a first contact text message? Simple, make it so intriguing that he will have no choice but to respond to it. You should be planning your text message throughout the NC period. I would like to recommend that you run it through what I like to call the first contact text.

Remember, your first contact text message has to be so intriguing that he will have no choice BUT to respond.

So, before you send out any text you should ask yourself “is this intriguing enough for him to respond 100% of the time?”

Ah, but there is another key to first contact text messages that I am leaving out. They have to fill your ex up with a positive memory about you. You don’t have to send him anything controversial to accomplish this. If I was you I would try something like this:

faith first contact

(For more text examples like this please visit The Texting Bible.)

Lets say you sent this exact text and get a response from him, what then? Well, then I would like you to simply end the conversation with something like

“Marie just showed up, I have to go but I will talk to you later :).”

The key with sending a first contact text message to a LDR isn’t to try to get him back. It’s to test him to see if he will be receptive to talking.

The Random Meme

I love internet memes.

In fact, I have an app on my iPhone that is actually JUST for memes. Whenever I get bored I start looking through the memes and just have a good laugh.

What is a meme you ask?

Hmm… I am not sure I can really define them in words. It is better if I just show you.

The Buffy Meme

buffy meme

The Photoshop Meme

photoshop meme

The Superman Meme

superman meme

As you can see, memes are meant to be light and funny. They are the type of things that will go viral in the blink of an eye. If you search the internet there are literally hundreds of thousands of memes out there. What I want you to do is send your ex a text with one of these memes (you pick what you think if funny around the internet.)

You are testing to see if he will respond. If he does respond then you are going to engage him in a very light conversation. You don’t want to engage him in any relationship talk yet. Sending out the “random meme text” is more to test him to see if he is responsive when talking to you. After you engage him for a while I then want you to end the conversation. It is important that YOU end it because it puts you in a position of power and will hopefully leave him wanting more.

If he doesn’t respond to your “meme” then that just means you have to go back into NC for about a week before you try texting him again.

The Remember The Good Times Text Message

If you are familiar with my monster 10k word post on how to get your ex boyfriend back then you should be familiar with this text message. With this text message you are really trying to get your ex boyfriend to remember some of the good memories you had together. So, I want you to brainstorm and list all the special memories you had together. These have to be memories that you know for a fact that your ex enjoyed.

Now, I do feel it is important to point out that you can’t use any sexual memories or anything of that nature yet. The memories you pick have to be strictly PG rated. I would try something like:

swarm of bees text

(Again, if you want more in-depth information on texting I suggest you pick up The Texting Bible.)

Notice how I chose a bonding experience in the above example. The closer you felt together during an experience the better it is. Also, another little nugget of knowledge I can give you is to make sure you use a lot of details. You don’t want to use so many details that you end up having to send 3 texts. However, try to include as many details as possible.

Now, lets assume that he responds to your “remembering the good times” text. What I want you to do is engage him in a conversation. Text him for around 3-5 hours that particular day. Once those 3 hours are up I want you to just not respond. End the conversation by not responding. Remember, our mantra here is to always leave him wanting more.

Let’s Sprinkle In A Little Jealousy

Jealousy can be a very powerful emotion. I have found that couples have gotten back together on jealousy alone. While I don’t recommend getting back together with someone b/c they are jealous and don’t want to see you with anyone else I do think it is ok to sprinkle in a little jealousy to remind your man what he is missing out on.

Of course, you do have a small problem since you were in a long distance relationship with this person.

How are they supposed to see you with someone else initially making them jealous? Well, they can’t but don’t worry I have found a way around this. It is called Facebook! Actually, I don’t want to dive in too deeply here because I already created a post that will help you pimp out your Facebook profile and I cover jealousy in there too!

As far as using jealousy directly with your ex via a text message the key here is to be subtle. Here is an unknown fact about this site, did you know that I actually get men contacting me? Yes, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a site dedicated to women. However, every once in a while there is a man that will reverse engineer the process and wind up on this site because he wants his ex girlfriend back.

A few months ago I had one particular man that really wanted his girlfriend back. He wound up on my site and figured that jealousy was the best way to accomplish this goal. There was just one problem, he didn’t read my warning:

You have to be subtle when you use jealousy directly.

He ended up telling me that he sent his ex girlfriend a text like this:

“I just went out with a really hot waitress last night!”

You can imagine how well that went over with the ex. The key to pulling off a jealousy text isn’t to actually tell your ex that you are out with someone new, it is to plant the idea in their head and let their minds run wild with all kinds of assumptions. One of my favorite ways to accomplish this is by sending a “romantic movie text”

romantic movie text

There are a couple of things I want to go over now. The reason this text is amazing at making an ex boyfriend jealous is that it is so subtle that your ex has to make all kinds of assumptions.

Romantic movie? Was she on a date?

A friend? Was this a guy friend?”

Time To Kick Things Up A Notch

Who doesn’t love a compliment? Let me rephrase that. Who doesn’t love a compliment from the opposite sex. One of my friends said it best:

I don’t care what she looks like, as long as I am getting compliments I am doing things right.

I don’t think you women realize the amazing effect that they have on men. Personally speaking, I am one compliment from the opposite sex away from having a great day. Oh, and I am one put down from the opposite sex to having a bad day. If you are going to compliment your ex boyfriend who you were in a long distance relationship with you have to be really careful.

Part of the reason that I made you jump through all those texting hoops in the previous section (first contact, meme, etc) was to kind of butter your ex up for this type of a text message. I want you to send him a compliment. Yes, it is a risk and you could fall flat on your face but in the end fortune favors the brave so it is time to be brave.

This compliment has to be different though. You have to be detailed and you have to send it at the right time. I recommend sending it when the two of you are in an emotional texting conversation. Here is an example I would use:

compliment text

This is kind of do or die for you. What you are looking for here is a positive response. Ideally, you want him to say more than “thank you.” You want a really positive response and perhaps even get him to compliment you. I would end the conversation after you send this text though no matter what.

Remember, always leave him wanting more.

I Miss You..

Assuming you have progressed this far you are in really good shape. Now it is time to heat things up just a little bit more. After you have gotten very positive responses on all the previous texts I want you to send a “I miss you” text message. This can’t be a simple “I miss you” though. You have to dress it up and kind of make it seem like you aren’t saying “I miss you.”

How do you do that?

Simple, you add lots and lots of details.

Take a look at the example below:

i miss you

(Lots and lots of texts huh? Well, I have 250+ more examples waiting for ya 😉 .)

Notice how that is nothing more than just a really complicated way of saying “I miss you.” You essentially dress the “I miss you” up in details that it doesn’t seem like you are missing your significant other. Obviously, you are looking for another positive response from your long distance partner here. If he responds in a positive way you can move on to the next section.

The Skype of FaceTime Call

skype

(Disclaimer: if you don’t have Skype or FaceTime then you can skip on to the next section.)

If you were in a long distance relationship then I am sure you are pretty aware of what Skype and FaceTime are. If not, they are essentially video software you can download to your smartphone (or computer) that will let you talk to the person face to face electronically.

It is essentially a step above texting. If you have progressed to this point of the page then that means you and your ex are ready to talk in person again (kind of ;).)

I want you to initiate a skype call where you kind of lay your cards out on the table. I want you to finally have an in-depth talk about your relationship. No, you aren’t asking him if he wants to get back together. I just want you to discuss your relationship and any feelings that you may be having for each other still.

Some key points for the Skype/FaceTime call

  • Be very confident.
  • Be very pleasant and happy.
  • DO NOT lose your temper.
  • Try to remain calm about everything.
  • Smile a lot.
  • Make sure you look amazing.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell interesting stories.

The Call (Duh Duh Duhhh..)

I ONLY want you to do this IF the skype call went extremely well. This is it! This is where you are going to try to see your ex in person again. Everything up until this point was just to prepare you for this moment. No pressure though haha ;).

Alright, you are going to make a phone call to your ex and see if you can set up a date where you two can see each other. Since there is long distance involved one of you is going to have to agree to come see the other one. I would actually recommend that YOU be the one that comes to him. That will require you to clear your schedule and have some extra spending cash which is why I want you to call him and let him know (to see if he digs the idea or not.) If he does then you are in! Great job.

If not, then that means you need to reenter NC for a while and try again later. Perhaps do a better job of recreated attraction during the text message portion. For that, I recommend checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

 

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

So, that’s it. A kind of condensed version of getting your ex boyfriend back if you are in a long distance relationship. I realize there will be a lot of questions since I did leave out some stuff. If you have any questions feel free to comment in the comments section below.

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What Do You Think? (4,794)

  1. Lily - 0

    Lily

    I know its long but please respond. Hello i honestly need some advice I’m kind of going crazy right now . I’ve been reading your articles and they’ve been helpful but I need some specific advice for my specific situation. My name is Lily and my ex boyfriend name is Brian. We were friends for a year and he was kinda my rebound I was kinda his this was when we were friedns. this is long distance we have NEVER met . We are both high school students and he is graduating this may. so we developed love for each other. We finally got together in October and everything was good but it was hard for me to adjust from bestfriend to being in a relationship. We had a rough time and I feel like I was happy but I nagged him ALOT . throughout the relationship i have treated him poorly not TOO poorly but im very clingy and controlling and after a while he broke up with me and it was hard but we started talking a week after. eventually we got back together and things were kinda shaky we began arguing for those 2 months we were together and I had hoped things would look up. I tried my hardest but he tried then hed stop. He claims he just isn’t ready. So so we ended up breaking up a week ago he broke up with me saying he doesn’t love me as much and that he is not willing to try because he’s barely been able to keep me happy. He says it’s not something I did and that he wants to be friends . I begged him not to go telling him I love him and all that. in the end all he said was I love you but I don’t want to he said I was forcing him to stay. He thinks I’m super clingy which I may be. He ended up waiting till I fell asleep and promised he would call. me. the next day he didn’t call and hasn’t called since. Is this the end for us? He he said he’s honestly really done and I just asked why but he only sais because he doesn’t want the relationship. idk if I should let go or what but I REALLY really need the advice. Will he come back and be committed or should I not waste my time?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      did you have plans of meeting up? do you want to try the advice above?

  2. Jess - 0

    Jess

    Hello,

    I have been in a relationship for 5 years. 2 years together and 3 in a LDR. We kinda lost contact over time and we didn’t talk so often anymore. We decided to broke up because I was not giving him attention enough and I was hurting his feelings and I really needed him by my side. We kept in touch and after a month I tryied to get him back, but he didn’t want to no matter what I said. He told me that he is better now and that he suffered to much with our relationship because I have hurt him so bad. But he still want to be friends with me.
    I am not sure of what I should do now. Should I proceed to NC rule? Will he forget about me or move along with his life because he is better now?

    Please help me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Jess,

      he’s trying to friendzone you, yes proceed with nc and try the advice above.

  3. Jess - 0

    Jess

    Hello,

    I have been in a relationship for 5 years. 2 years together and 3 in a LDR. We kinda lost contact over time and we didn’t talk so often anymore. We decided to broke up because I was not giving him attention enough and I was hurting his feelings and I really needed him by my side. We kept in touch and after a month I tryied to get him back, but he didn’t want to no matter what I said. He told me that he is better now and that he suffered to much with our relationship because I have hurt him so bad. But he still want to be friends with me.
    I am not sure of what I should do now. Should I proceed to NC rule? Will he forget about me or move along with his life because he is better now?

    Please help me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Jess,

      he’s trying to friendzone you, yes proceed with nc and try the advice above.

  4. J - 0

    J

    ahhh i already said happy bday before checking this site for your response 🙁 what now all he said was thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      owkie, just continue on in nc.. and don’t do it again..

  5. Hninsimarn - 0

    Hninsimarn

    Hi
    I am hninsimarn and 22 years and i live in myanmar.my ex boyfriend is 33 years and he live in france .we met online and we were so close mind and we were so friendly and he came in myanmar and then we were lover
    We really so deep love each other &kindly and tenderness each other and many promise for marriage and baby born.we was so happy by talking online and everytime connect and really deep love each other and sex share by phone and he so gave me kindness and safe feeling and always connect whatever he go. So care me . Next 6 months ..i heard one news
    He has chinese woman in appartement and i felt so depress and broken heart and he deep cry and he appologize me so much and they are already separate and next two years they will divorce .now cann’t because of they have to sale their appartement .and then we ok and more closer and more share many talking about life and we was happy but i have doubt upon him in holidays often and i asked by negative way .he always explain and confidence give me .but last march 28 .i asked and he said me for comfirm for separate and he cried and i also cried.he said me..my love we have to .becuse of we are suffering about LD RS and this complicate situation .and he came in myanmar 2.apirl .and we deep love each other and kiss and sex many andmany tenderness and 4 .apirl he go alone our trip.he told me.he must surrender pressure .he need alome and need forget everything .he has risk for lose his job and stomatch also pain because of pressure and i also begged and followed him and he was so angry but we was sex and kiss and then he cancel my call and blocked me but he always talk with my sister and request her for care me and i also was sucide and hospital.he came to me and gave me flowers and then he come back to france and he contact me everyday and then 2 days once contact for 10 minutes and slowly slowly he far to me and more strange and he said my sis .i have to get forget him by day by day and slowly slowly.

    Please help me by details advice and what should i do?
    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hninsimarn,
      Are you going to do the no contact rule? did you mean for the next two years he will be living with his ex?

  6. J - 0

    J

    its ok to say happy birthday and such in a few days correct? then go back to 1 year NC? even if he prob wont message back saying thank you but i do want to wish him a good bday etc

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you shouldn’t..that’s an opportunity to show that you don’t think about him because you’re moving on and not chasing anymore

  7. Sloan - 0

    Sloan

    Hi,
    Me and my boyfriend met online and dated for about a year but our relationship got a bit sour cause he had money problems and I got bored of not doing anything. Then it came to a sudden end when he did something bad for some quick money. We met up after A week and spoke about everything. Thing is we’re quite different people in terms of and views and beliefs etc but we always pushed those things to the side because of how much we loved each other. When we met up we realised they’re quite big things but we also realised there are some things we have in common. Anyway I told him I wanted to try again but he said he doesn’t feel like he can give me everything I need because he’s not in Avery good place right now and needs to get himself together and work on himself before being there for me. Which he’s 100% right about. That he ‘thinks’ it’s the right thing to do and it’s a heart vs head thing because he does actually want to be with me. He said he’ll most likely spend the next few weeks questioning that decision. So we kinda left the door ajar in terms of relationship but definitely open in terms of friendship in the future after some time though. – NC Time.

    However, I am going to uni in a few months for 4 years (3 years but one year working abroad) and he’s starting business in Asia so he will be to and fro England and there. So that has always been something hanging over us. But he’s not sure how long that will last or if he’ll even enjoy it.

    But I do want him back in the future but not sure what to do? What do you think in this situation? We both said that our love was something we’re never felt before. Our chemistry and passion and happiness we brought each other was more than either of us had ever felt in life. We kissed before we left and it was great. And we agreed that we’d never forget each other and that to be honest we don’t think we’ll ever find someone that can make us as happy as we made each other…
    please help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      have you laid out a plan on how you’re going to do the advice above?

  8. Rita - 0

    Rita

    Hi, I met this guy through instagram and we got talking for over a year on and off – he lived 2 hours away – I was never interested in him eventhough he showed a great deal of interest in me – always putting the effort to call and text – 1 year later i decided to give him a chance in getting to know him i gave him a considerable amount of attention and it was mutual. We met 1 month later and i liked him alot more than I initially thought. He isnt the type to express his feelings much but he felt sort of uncomfortable meeting me often because he felt that i was ‘too much’ for him – was overprotective of myself… we finally met again after 11 months afyer discussing it many times and had a great day.. now 3 months later we wanted to meet again but it wasnt planned properly and i cancelled last minute.. he went mad at me for that and two days later told me about how he really felt .. said that hed never back out from meeting a girl apart from me.. that hurt.. alot.. but i didnt show it. I just negociated as he kept saying it isnt going to work.. i told him that i never minded going down to see him often and that he should of told me how he felt from the beggining as it was basically a waste of my time. I then said it was genuinely nice knowing you and he quickly replies ‘we don’t have to stop talking’ i said what do you want.. he said friends.. what does this mean in a guy! i havent been in contact for a week and dont plan to until he does.. help please

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s normal than an ex wants to be friends because they’re still used to talking to you but doesn’t want to get back together.. do you want to try the advice above?

  9. J - 0

    J

    Helloo remember me ! Its been more than a month about 50 days of NC and I recently found out my ex has a new girlfriend but he is still away in military service. I also found out he deleted all our pics together on everything as well. I controlled him in our relationship so badly and now i do think its over. Like i know now the relationship is over but obv i want to get back with him sometime down the future. Do you think i have a chance still? When i was the needy controlling ex gf and he finally had enough of me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi J,

      I remember you! Stick to your 1 or 2 year nc.. if you really want to get him back.. don’t beg ever

  10. Adriey - 0

    Adriey

    am/was (cos I’m not sure anymore) in a LDR with this guy for over 2 years. We met in the university during our first year in 2009. we got talking but never got to date. we lost contacts for almost 5 years and we started talking again on Facebook in 2014. Then we started dating, all this time we were in two different cities. throughout the LDR, I visited him almost 6 times, and he visited only once. we had a quarrel in march and I apologized and he said he’d forgiven me, but he said he had complicated things by getting involved with someone else. He said he needs time to be sure if he wants us back or continue with the new girl. I kept begging him. but I got to this site and I’m confused on what to do. I love him and he still loves me but he thinks the other girl is better off cos she’s closer to him and they get to have sex when we haven’t ever had sex before. I’m quite confused. He says he needs till about end of this month to get to know what will be, I dunno if to start a NC with him or not. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so confused. please help me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Start nc.. don’t look like you’re just waiting and doesn’t have your own life..

  11. Steffi - 0

    Steffi

    Hi, we started dating in Feb and then suddenly after 4 days he got a call that he will have to change the city because of his job. He had a month in my city. We made most out of it. We really liked each other but realised that we will be in different cities. We thought we will try long distance, initially it worked like a magic l. It was just perfect as both of us had discussed about putting effort. It was going great for one and a half month when I decided to visit him. Both of us were very excited to finally see each other. We made plans and we were literally counting days when we’ll be together. When I went things were good but when I returned back he suddenly felt that connection was missing. He told me he used to feel more connected on phone and FaceTime and suddenly he feels that vibes are gone. Since there was a distance I couldn’t meet and explain him he stopped communications with me. I tried to give him reasons and told him this will work out just give one chance. He said he’ll give 10 chances but he doesn’t like the distance. He cannot take the distance and he simply walked out of it saying that he will try to get back to my city, if he does we can give it a shot. If it cannot happen then this is over. What should I do in this case. He doesn’t want to be in LDR doesn’t want to talk to me. He still like sleeping me he says but cannot take the distance. Was he just with me for sex?should I wait for him? Can I get him back by no contact rule ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Steffi,

      it’s not a guarantee but you can still try the advice above

  12. Nici - 0

    Nici

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2+ years, he is 23 and I am 19. Thing is that I really messed up..we met in December for the first time and overall we had a good time. But then there was this thing about me not telling him important stuff because i was afraid of upsetting him or hurting him. He also felt that I was distant although I don’t think so. Note that this is my first relationship and first time I really got close to a guy, and I’m shy. Now he doubts everything and thinks that I fooled around with him although it is not the case. I simply don’t know what to do and how to approach him now. He completely lost his trust in me because I was not open with him. Any advice?

    Reply
  13. Emma - 0

    Emma

    My ex and I broke up a bit over a month ago and he went back to school. We haven’t contacted each other, I actually told him at one point that if I wanted to contact him I would. Since then, I texted him on his birthday and he responded kindly and wished me happy birthday as well (mine is a few weeks before his) I made no attempt to further the conversation because In a couple of weeks, he’ll come home. I think he hasn’t dealt with the breakup emotionally yet, because of being surrounded by other girls as a newly single guy. But once he’s home, I’m thinking it might suddenly set in that he misses me. Think there’s any truth to this? How likely do you think it is that he’ll contact me, since our relationship mostly ended because of grass is greener complex and distance? He’ll be home all summer and I’m not sure I still want to contact him, but I’m really hoping he’ll try to contact me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      let’s say he contacts you, what happens after summer?

  14. Kim - 0

    Kim

    I didn’t see my message anymore, so I post it again: He just broke up with me a couple of days ago. Our relationship was so incredibly amazing. We never fought and it was the best relationship I ever had. We were together 9 months before he moved to California for a job (I live in Europe). We decided on me also trying to get a visa and move with him within a year. 3 weeks before he moved away he wanted to break up, because he was afraid getting a workvisa for me was too difficult and that it would only end in tears. I convinced him that we can make it happen and it changed his mind. We were starting to make plans of me coming over for a vacation end of May.
    Then he moved away and the LDR started. We were going to wait a couple of weeks (his idea) for me to get a ticket, to see how the first weeks would go by. It was actually really good, no jealousy, we called/facetimed everyday and also texted a lot. He shared all his experiences with me and I with him. The day came that I was going to buy my ticket for my vacation with him, and I was waiting for him to make time so we could do it together. He was very busy (really true) and I got a bit upset because of the time difference. In that conversation he suddenly said: ‘I think it’s best if you don’t buy the ticket anymore’. he broke up, because he didn’t think it would be possible and that his other LDR’s also broke off and he thinks he can’t handle us being apart and that everything is too hard. The LDR didn’t even last a month.
    I want him back, because I know this relation is worth fighting for. He loves me a lot, but doesn;t want to conitnue. What do I do? I am not sure if the 30 nc rule works with this situation, because he just doesn’t want me to come visit anymore.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try it first, if it doesn’t work, then move on.

  15. Kim - 0

    Kim

    He just broke up with me a couple of days ago. Our relationship was so incredibly amazing. We never fought and it was the best relationship I ever had. We were together 9 months before he moved to California for a job (I live in Europe). We decided on me also trying to get a visa and move with him within a year. 3 weeks before he moved away he wanted to break up, because he was afraid getting a workvisa for me was too difficult and that it would only end in tears. I convinced him that we can make it happen and it changed his mind. We were starting to make plans of me coming over for a vacation end of May.
    Then he moved away and the LDR started. We were going to wait a couple of weeks (his idea) for me to get a ticket, to see how the first weeks would go by. It was actually really good, no jealousy, we called/facetimed everyday and also texted a lot. He shared all his experiences with me and I with him. The day came that I was going to buy my ticket for my vacation with him, and I was waiting for him to make time so we could do it together. He was very busy (really true) and I got a bit upset because of the time difference. In that conversation he suddenly said: ‘I think it’s best if you don’t buy the ticket anymore’. I broke up, because he didn’t think it would be possible and that his other LDR’s also broke off and he thinks he can’t handle us being apart and that everything is too hard. The LDR didn’t even last a month.
    I want him back, because I know this relation is worth fighting for. He loves me a lot, but doesn;t want to conitnue. What do I do? I am not sure if the 30 nc rule works with this situation, because he just doesn’t want me to come visit anymore.

    Reply
    • Kim - 0

      Kim

      * he broke up

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s not a guarantee that it will work but it’s better to do it than chase him

  16. Ana - 0

    Ana

    I’ve been in a relationship for five years, two and a half of which is a long distance. I am 25 and he is 23 years old. He said he wanted space and initiated a break up. What I am going to do? I am broke.

    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do you want to try the advice above?

  17. Misty - 0

    Misty

    My Ex broke up with me 7 months ago. We had communication once in a while within this 7mos period. I can feel that he still likes me and I feel the same way. We were together for 10mos before we broke up. We are in a LDR and we did have a few very short vacations together when we were still together since we are in a different state, we talk almost every day too and the reason for the break up was he can’t handle LDR. We did’t fight.
    I did NC for a month and he initiated the message. We barely communicate over the phone. He just always sends messages. Since he says things that confuses me, I sent him a message telling him everything that I feel and to stop playing with my feelings since I am still hurting and that made him not contacting me for at least 2wks.
    After 2wks, he sent me a message and for several days even called me and saying sweet things again like “of course I love you”, “I miss you” in a joking way. He called and sent messages for 4 straight days which is not normal since we broke up. After again being silent and no communication with each other for a week, he reached out once more, there was a little sweetness again and said he misses me. He really confuses me. I’m just thinking, why can’t he just tell me what he wants or why he was doing this, giving me mixed messages and being there at the moment then dissappears for days or weeks. It’s him who broke up with me and why should he make me confuse? Or am I just overthinking and giving meaning to what he was doing? I don’t know if he is seeing someone else, we never talk about that. Is it possible that he’s contacting me this way from the time we broke up while he being with someone else? Would you give me your opinion, please?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it could be ego.. or he could mean he misses you but not enough to want to go back with you, like friendzoning you..

  18. Olivia - 0

    Olivia

    I broke no contact on the 20th day. 🙁 i thought i was getting better and that i was emotionally ready to talk to him… but turns out i was not. It was a text message saying something i saw and that i know he would have absolutely loved it, but he did not respond. And i shouldn’t have but i called him twice on skype and he did not pick up… I felt so stupid for doing those things especially the skype call because after that my sister told me he posted on social media a photo of him with two of the girls who was associated with the girl he had cheated on me with.

    What do i do now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if this is your first no contact, restart it..

    • Olivia - 0

      Olivia

      Thank you Amor.

      Should I do another 45 days again, or 30?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just three weeks to 30 days.. YOu’re welcome!

    • Olivia - 0

      Olivia

      Ok, i am on day 6 now 🙂 feels like it has been so long since we’ve actually spoken that a part of me feels numbed by it and almost used to his absence. Doesn’t mean I like it, but getting used to it. I wonder if he as well feels the same way.

      Anyway, on the day that i had contacted him but he did not respond, he had also coincidentally donated to my fundraiser which i had recently started. He had done it before my call around the time he posted pictures with those girls. I thought it was really kind of him to support my cause, but is he also maybe trying to let me known he still thinks of me?

      He did not respond to my messages, which makes me feel like he is trying to move on maybe, but then a day after i had called and he did not respond, he had posted a photo on social media (i dont follow him but my friends do) of a pocture he had taken of a place we had been to, with a caption “its quiet now,painfully quiet”.

      I’m not sure what to think of his actions, but to stop myself from thinking so much i had deleted him off my skype recently.
      What do you think is going through his mind?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it looks like he thought of you, that’s is a good sign

  19. Miranda - 0

    Miranda

    Hey Amor,
    So my “ex” we met via online he is from Germany and im from Mexico, and things were great at the beginning, but then he would be so busy and barely talk cuz of his exams and so on and i know i really fucked up cuz i was being needy asking if he was ignoring me or so on, and we were kind of bit distant since then, that was 2 months ago, but still we would talk everyday but I started to realize that he became more distant or gave me lame excuses for not talking to me everyday anymore like “i need some time for myself” and then was “there is nothing interesting to talk about every second” or “i get annoyed if i text 24/7 with anyone” or talk some days straight then wont talk for 3 days and then again and i was really tired cuz i had already told him i didnt like that and that if he needed time for himself to letme know but ofc never happened, and he is js going to NYC in july and he several times asked me to come with him so we could meet and i bought a ticket to germany for the summer but i wanted to tell him some weeks before igo as a surprise; anyways later on he started exams again few weeks ago and we were talking a bit everyday then he talks to me then no reply for 3 days and again talks then 3 days off and last time we talked normal he got jealous cuz he thought i had a boyfriend which i dont have, and gain later no reply, 2 days after i tell him that what we had wasnt going to workout because i wanted someone who appreciated me and wanted to be there and he basically said i wasnt a priority and I told him what i really needed from the relationship and no reply again and its been a week since that, no talk from any of us, what should i do?move on and let it go or try NC and try? Cuz seems to me he doesnt give a crap about me, he said “if u can’t understand that i have things to do then fine for me”

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just keep being active in posting..but do it more in sites that the post stays like Instagram and Facebook..

  20. Anonymous - 0

    Anonymous

    My situation is pretty difficult and I need extra help.
    I met my ex boyfriend in my hometown, in Europe. He is from the States. He was doing an Exchange year abroad post high school, before college. We went in two different high schools, but had friends in common. We madly fell in love with each other since the first time we met. Our relationship has always been extremely intense. It’s either unbelievably great, or extremely awful. When we were physically together, it was 85% of the times amazing, and 15% not so good. A pretty good percentage, if you ask me. I have never felt so deeply connected to anyone, it had me amazed how in sync we were. Our bond was the most beautiful thing in the world. He is the first person I truly trusted and opened myself with. We started dating October 2015, and left in July 2016 for a 20 days romantic vacation all around Italy. We went to Venice, Cinque Terre, Sicily, and some of the most romantic and iconic spots in the country. Everything was truly perfect. At the beginning, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pursue a relationship with him, ’cause I knew he would’ve left me, but then I saw how genuinely and deeply he loved and cared about me, that I thought those feelings were never going to go away. He told me he was going to love me forever and never let me go, and I obviously believed him. We both had never felt so happy and never loved to that level. I was the most important person of his life, his number 1 priority, and it felt really nice. He was always thinking about me, buying me presents, I was the one maybe not as attached. My dream was to pursue my undergrad in the U.S., but I didn’t believe in myself enough. He did tons of research on opportunities and scholarships for international students, and convinced me to take a gap year after high school to work on the application. I have always been a top student with perfect marks and leadership skills, just like him.
    August came, and he left me. We decided to continue our relationship long distance. He is now studying at uChicago and I went and visited him in October, with the excuse of “visiting the schools” in Chicago area. In reality, I just wanted to see him. Only 9 days after he got back in the States, we had a 4 hours phone call where he broke up with me, because his life at uni was too hectic, and he couldn’t handle the expectations of a relationship. He wanted to talk to me when he could, and not always because he had to. He just admitted to have no time for me because involved in too many activities and societies that were now priorities, and also studying applied mathematics, one of the hardest programs. He needed to think about himself first. I understood that. So we continued talking every day, but were not officially a couple. We told each other I love you, FaceTimed, acted like a couple, but were not one anymore on paper. He bought me a ticket to visit him in his hometown, Nashville, during Christmas break, so I went. When we were not physically together, we used to fight quite a bit. But whenever we saw each other in his hometown, everything was perfect again, nothing had changed. After a week with him, I went to Michigan to visit my host family from when I was an Exchange Student too, 3 years ago, and before I flew back home, I stopped three days in Chicago to spend a little bit more time with him. Even then, all good. The problem is whenever we are not together. We can’t seem to make it work. We fight all the times. I get very insecure and intolerant. He responds me after 5,6,7 hours. There is a time change of 7 hours between us, that means we exchanged one text per day.
    I started to complain more and more, until I became unbearable and I am aware of it. He joined a fraternity on campus, and I got very nervous and apprehensive about it, because that involves tons of partying. I trusted him, but I just wished he could try to reassure me a bit more instead of not responding for hours and hours. FaceTime stopped. We became angry at each other and always passive aggressive and rude. However, he never stopped talking to me, even though I became toxic and suffocating. I sent him very long text messages of mere complains, telling him all the things he was doing wrong. I started feeling rejected, ’cause he refused to call me, respond, talk to me. However, I got into some really great universities both in the U.S. and U.K., and one of these universities was uChicago. We both were thrilled. Things between us started going a bit better, he told me he didn’t want to lose me, that I am the most special person he knows, there’s no one that can even be mentioned in the same sentence as me, and that he will never let go of me, that’s why he keeps talking to me even if things are stressful. He said I deserve better, and he should try to give me better and make me feel more involved in his life. At the beginning, I didn’t think uChicago was going to give me a decent financial aid package, so I gave up on that idea. However, I got into the most prestigious university in London, and thought about the possibility of spending my entire junior year at uChicago, which is a partner university of the university in London. I called him to tell him this and we talked, but as usual, I perceived him so distant and cold, he didn’t want to talk to me as it was happening quite often of late. I complained, we had a huge fight. In the next few days he kept responding me because he said he didn’t want to let go of me, it was too hard, even though the relationship became awful and we both hated it. I begged to be answered at the phone, and called 5 times, he never answered. He asked me for a few weeks apart, told me he still loves me but needs time to think and to feel less suffocated by my seemingly endless text messages. I gave him two days, then I couldn’t help it and I texted him again, telling him I was missing him and if he could call me. He didn’t respond. I sent maybe 30 texts, all long as novels. I know what you’re thinking, the worst I could’ve done, I pushed him away more. He blocked me out. The more I was texting him, the more he was avoiding and ignoring me. I was being obsessed by the situation and the feeling of rejection. I knew I didn’t deserve to be treated in that way. Until the other day, when he responded after a thousand of long texts. He said he didn’t want to have anything to do with me, that I couldn’t even give him few weeks break. He told me he hopes our relationship is over forever, that he is not in love with me anymore, and that he feels lighter and happier without me. He said he is finally ready to let go, move on and that is what he wants to do. Our relationship went from being the most romantic to an authentic nightmare. I was crushed. He had never told me he didn’t love me anymore, or that he wanted me to be gone forever. Not after everything we have shared. I never thought we could’ve gotten to this point, because for me our relationship was too solid. We fought a lot ever since we were distant, and you could tell none of us is made for a distance relationship, but our feelings were so deeply rooted that I never thought of the possibility of actually losing him forever. He said that I mean nothing to him, that he is numb to me and our relationship. He doesn’t feel anything anymore but indifference, and if he deeply thinks about me he only thinks “pain”. It is not worth pursuing anything with me because I am gone. He only gets sad, angry and irritated talking to me. He said he forgot about me and us, and he doesn’t think about it anymore. I was heartbroken. We didn’t text for a few days, then I received an email from uChicago. Due to merit and low income, I’ve got a full ride. I was already enrolled to the university in London, but I still thought that could’ve been an opportunity. I texted him to tell him the news. The same person who convinced me to apply to uChicago in the first place, or that used to call me 4 times if I didn’t reply for 80 minutes, literally begged me not to go there. He was out of his mind. He said I’ve got into some great schools, just as great if not better, and to consider those instead. He said he didn’t want anything to do with me, and that our relationship is for him over, forever. That I need to understand this. He said he panics only thinking about me being there, that if I suffocate him 5000miles away, I am completely going to ruin his experience there and cut all his freedom. He said he is scared by us, the toxicity of our relationship and terrified thinking of me there. He discourages me to go and I need to know that if I do, he is going to pretend I don’t exist. We haven’t seen each other for over three months, but I know that when he sees me, he is going to want me again, it has been like this ever since we started long distance. I am really not doing well these days, and I don’t know what I should do. I know that I love him still, I don’t know how. I am still attached to all the wonderful memories and how sweet and perfect he was with me. I can’t let go, and I don’t want to because we are just too good to each other when together. I hate life separated us and I can’t believe he begged me not go to his uni, when it is all he was hoping ever since I applied. The university in London is more suited to my personality, and I believe I will go there. But I don’t want to give up on this relationship, and I want him back. I want him to realize he made a mistake, and realize he is still in love with me but said a bunch of things only out of frustration and because he is exasperated by the situation. We were supposed to see each other in the summer, he is going to be in France for a month and then he will come in Italy for three weeks. He said he doesn’t want to see me anymore. I’ve believed and had so much hope and faith in this relationship and I just can’t believe it’s truly over. He was so lost in me that I didn’t even consider this possibility and I don’t know what happened. He told me he was in love with me one week ago, and one week later he wants me gone. It’s just senseless.
    What do you think I should do? Do you think there is still hope for us? How to go from here?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anonymous,
      do you want to try the advice above?

  21. Sam - 0

    Sam

    This is a great site and I can see you have put in a tremendous amount of work, well done! I met my bf online a year ago, we are long distance but see each other every two weeks and I spend weekends at his. I’m very communicative, open, patient, tolerant and he is a good guy, mindful, sweet, self aware. We text all day and he responds to everything i say. When I speak with him and try to get clarity on us and where we’re going he is a master deflector, it’s actually impressive. Or he says nothing but it’s not out of ego. I seriously don’t know how he does it so nicely. The other day he did it so well by saying “I don’t want to change the subject but that ice cream store blah blah”. Amazing. Anyway, he has a highly stressful job and it’s really really getting to him and his adhd. Last week he sent a long text explaining how he needed the weekend to himself and that he cares for me and doesn’t know what to do because he knows he is hurting me with his indecisiveness. This is the most he’s communicated with me but it was wrapped inside needing the weekend to himself, like it was so much about the weekend but reading between the lines it was about us. I feel like he’s about to end things and I would really like some advice or a link to another part of your site. This page is gold, but we are still together. Thanks so much!!

    Reply
  22. Amaia - 0

    Amaia

    Hey EBR,

    So My ex and were on a LDR for 10 months have made the effort and also by the nature of our jobs we got to see each other pretty much every month. We went through a period of no having too much contact, in February he is a very busy man, with a lot of projects that are growing, he travels a lot, lots of jet lag, and was having some personal issues. so his life is a bit complicated to say the least… Anyway in February he came to visit in Montreal, he lives in Miami… But he mainly came for business purposes. We had a discussion because we only saw each other one night he got “tied” up with work so I didn’t see him again and he made me feel like I was completely unimportant.. I got pretty upset and sent him a big text as he would never give me any priority in his life. Anyway we discussed and broke up.. 3 days later I messaged.. apologized, no reply. He deleted me of social media.. I didn’t Say anything, Few day later he messaged me but I didn’t reply. It’s been more than 30 days and I haveI followed the NC rule I know he will be in Montreal next week for business, so I was thinking on paying a surprise visit to give him back a chain he loved and left at my place last time.. should I wait and see if he would contact me, or should I show up to his event be casual, sweet, and go from there?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you improved yourself and were active in posting in the past month, start with initiating texts..if not, restart the count and do that first

  23. Long distance break up - 0

    Long distance break up

    Me and my ex met when i was in Australia we dated for like 4-5 months and then traveled asia together. There were some tough times during that period as we had only just started dating and then practically started with with each other. But we got through it and near the end of asia was the first time i told her i loved her and she said it back. We were so strong. The plan was for her to go back to Australia (to re-new her passport) and then come to be with me in New Zealand where i am now. So we left each other in January and we were both on agreement about the long distance and were so looking forward to seeing each other again. But then we had an argument over something ridiculous and things got misunderstood via text message and then i said some things that i shouldn’t have in the heat of the moment. I tried to rekindle things but she was just like no im not doing this and has now blocked me off everything no contact. We “broke up” in march 2017. The last phone call was with her saying some nasty things but i know its because she was angry and her friends had been getting in her head telling her things. I know her heart and i know she wouldn’t mean any of those things. I plan to fly out and “suprise her” in Sydney at the beginning of may. But i just want to know if you think thats a good idea ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think that’s too soon to do that.. why not try no contact rule first?

  24. Olivia - 0

    Olivia

    I am on day 9 no contact with my ex now, I am being active, going out etc. But I did not start no contact immediately after the break up. What are the chances that he will miss me less and move on as no contact progresses and we are off each other’s radar?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s a small chance if you’re active in posting.. because it’s human nature that he will wonder on why you stopped talking.. and if he thinks that what you’re doing is not real, then you have to patient and to keep improving yourself while slowly building rapport. Don’t focus on the negative because you will act upon that. Come from a strong mindset, instead of thinking how low chances will be, think of how you’re going to hook him in your game.

    • Olivia - 0

      Olivia

      Thank you, I finally understand what you mean. So I have to do my best in moving on (even without moving on). I recently changed my whatsapp profile picture to a picture of me when I was out, and I made my facebook public but not sure how often he uses and social media. My insta is private but I’ve linked my recent insta photos on facebook.

      I’m on day 12 no contact and have posted three instagram photos so far, and changed my whatsapp profile picture. I have also been very active, exercising everyday and hanging out with friends but because I have a very important exam coming up, most of my days of spending time with friends is done at their house or my house as we study. Also, I logged him out of my netflix (haha) cause I could see that he was still using it and I changed my password. How is my progress? And was logging him out of my netflix the right thing to do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s not wrong but that’s ok.. that’s your account, you have the right to do that.. that’s good that you changed your profile pic.. keep improving day by day

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