By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 27th, 2021

Long distance relationships are hard. Getting an ex back who you had a long distance relationship is even harder. Today, I am going to tackle this very complex subject and give you a set of actionable steps you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your relationship back. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning that this page is probably going to end up being the second longest in the history of this site. A lot of people have contacted me directly begging for a page like this so I took a lot of time to research and brainstorm a plan for getting an ex back in this specific circumstance.

Before I really get started I want to mention that while this guide is probably one of the most in-depth ones ever created about long distance relationships it pails in comparison to the training I put together for you below.

In other words, if you want even more personalized and in-depth information I recommend checking this out,

What Are Long Distance Relationships?

long distance relationship

What a stupid question right? I mean, you don’t really need to know what a LDR (long distance relationship) is right?


In this section we are going to define long distance relationships and talk about the different kinds of LDR’s that exist in today’s society.

Long Distance Relationships- A specific type of relationship where the couple is separated by a considerable amount of distance.

The keyword in that definition is “considerable.” You might be shocked to learn that a lot of people who I have communicated with as a result of this site think they are in a LDR because they live an hour away from their partner. That is simply not true. In my mind, a true long distance relationship is one where you are separated by states, countries or even oceans. That is where the word “considerable” comes into play. A considerable amount of distance to me has to be a minimum of 500 miles.

Now, lets talk a little about the different kinds of long distance relationships that currently exist.

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The Marriage LDR

This is always a tough one to deal with. In this long distance relationship the couple in question is married. Perhaps at one time they even lived together. However, a certain set of circumstances have caused one of them to relocate (a considerable amount of distance away.) Now, since this page is dealing specifically with ex boyfriends don’t let that fool you, this page can work for married couples who have broken up as well.

The Move Away LDR

This is another one of those stories I hear way too often when it comes to long distance relationships. Here is how this one works. Basically, a couple is dating and doing fine. However, after time one of the couple members are presented with an opportunity that causes them to move away for a considerable distance (or in some cases they are forced to.) If you and your ex are in a situation like this then this page can work for you.

The “Few Months” LDR

Believe it or not but I have actually dealt with a lot of women in this exact predicament. How this type of long distance relationship works is pretty simple. A couple is dating and due to a certain set of circumstances one of them has to relocate (very similarly to the marriage LDR above.) Of course, there is one BIG difference. Instead of relocating indefinitely the person that relocated is only going to be gone for a few months. If you and your boyfriend have broken up and have a very similar story to the “few months” LDR then this page can definitely work for you. However, you might also want to check this page out too.

The Internet To Person LDR

This is an interesting type of relationship. Initially, you met your (now ex boyfriend) online and that led to you meeting in person. The thing is though, when you met online you were separated by a considerable amount of distance and even today you are separated by a considerable amount of distance.

If this sounds like your situation then this page can pretty much help you out a lot!

The Strictly Internet LDR

This is the ONE type of long distance relationship that is probably the most challenging of long distance relationships. In this type of relationship the two of you have never met in person, engaged in Face time or spoken on the phone. You have only met online and pretty much kept things that way.  While I won’t say the deck is stacked against you, because I have seen examples of these types of relationships eventually flourishing once the couple gets some traction and eventually talk to each other and meet.  It is challenging for such a couple to overcome some of the built in obstacles with this kind of singular interaction unless they eventually agree to connect with each other in other ways.  So it’s not impossible for this to work, but certainly it is natural for a couple to want to interact and engage with each other in many ways in order to flush out their degree of compatibility.

Essentially what I am saying is if you find yourself on this relationship track – think about moving it along to the Internet To Person LDR that I described above. Then follow the advice that I am about to outline for you.

What It Takes To Have A Successful Long Distance Relationship

successful LDR

You failed..

That’s why your here right?

I’ll admit, long distance relationships are hard. In fact, I find them so hard that I don’t personally think I can enter one. Well, I suppose I should never say never but I am generally not a fan of them for one specific reason. If I am dating someone I want to be able to see them IN PERSON. However, a lot of people aren’t like me when it comes to long distance relationships. In fact, some people can thrive on them. One of my best friends dated his girlfriend (long distance) for two years and they are still together today. So, it is possible to have a happy ending.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Anyways, back to the point. If you are here it is most likely because you and your ex had a long distance relationship but you are now broken up. Whatever the reasons may be for the breakup the two of you are not together anymore. That means you couldn’t make the long distance relationship work.

Look, no one is blaming you. I just stated above I couldn’t do it so my hats off to you for even trying. Nevertheless, you are here because you want your ex back and you are willing to do whatever it takes. I thought it might be a good idea to figure out what makes a successful long distance relationship so you know what you need to do the second time around (assuming you are able to get your boyfriend back.) So, I did a lot of research and came up with the following qualities that are constant among successful LDR’s.

(For more in-depth information on getting a long distance ex boyfriend back please visit this page.)

Doing Things Together Over The Phone

One of my best memories in high school is talking on the phone with girls. You see, when I went to high school texting hadn’t become as big as it is now. Add in the fact that I didn’t even have text messaging and you are left with someone who actually had to go “old school” and call girls for dates. I remember staying up so late at night and literally talking until a girl would fall asleep on the phone with me.

Every successful long distance relationship has this type of element to it. A tireless ability to talk on the phone for hours. Of course, couples in long distance relationships take things a step further by actually doing things together on the phone. Common examples include:

  • Watching a favorite television show together. (Netflix is great for this 😉 )
  • Cooking together on the phone.
  • Playing a board game together.

Communicating On A Daily Basis, NO MATTER WHAT!

Another quality that successful LDR couples have is that they talk every single day. Now, there is a difference between stalking and communicating. Unsuccessful LDR’s usually have one couple member constantly freaking out over what the other one is doing. There has to be some trust involved or else your whole relationship will fall apart.

Technological Face Time

We live in a world of electronics and smart phones. I mean, for god sakes there is an entire section of this website dedicated solely to texting. For a couple separated by distance it is imperative that you take advantage of such electronic inventions.

We have already established that successful couples are always communicating with each other via a phone. Ah, but there is a problem with a phone. While you can hear the person talking on it, it is impossible to see their face. Well, with inventions like Skype or “FaceTime” this is no longer a problem. You can communicate with someone face to face over the phone.

Actually, the first time I heard about Skype was from a buddy of mine who was dating a girl that had left for college across the country. I remember him telling me that they skyped every single day and it had helped a lot to maintain the closeness that both of them were so vigorously craving.

ACTUAL Face Time

While things like Skype and FaceTime are fantastic tools for maintaining a technological closeness with your significant other nothing can beat actually seeing them in person. The feelings you feel, the ability to actually hold someone in your arms and do “other” things is part of the total package when you see someone in person. I don’t care what you say, in my mind nothing beats seeing someone you care about in person.

Every and I mean EVERY long distance relationship that has stood the test of time has a member taking time out of his/her schedule to see the other member in person. Now, that also presents us with an interesting problem…

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You Have To Have Money (or EXTREME Budgeting Skills)

This point kind of goes hand in hand with the one above, in order to see your significant other someone in the relationship has to be willing to shell out the $’s. I can’t tell you how many women I have communicated with on this site whose LDR failed because someone wasn’t willing to fork over the money when the break came in schedules to see each other.

No relationship can survive if the two people never see each other. Speaking of things that relationships can’t survive without…

Phone Sex

This may be a little controversial but this is my firm belief, no relationship can survive without sex.

So, that leaves you in a really bad spot when you first embark on a long distance relationship. I mean, what are you supposed to do?

Enter phone sex!

My friend (who I have mentioned a couple of times already on this page already) is one of the few people I know who has made a long distance relationship work. Let me give you his statistics. He has been dating his girlfriend for about five years (two of which were long distance.) When I asked him how he did it, how he could bear being away from his girlfriend that long he muttered two simple words.

“phone sex”

He told me that without phone sex he would have broken up with her. I have no statistics to back up the claim I am about to make but I think women can go without sex longer than men can. A point will eventually come where men, who have been on a “dry spell,” will start to wander else where. So, in order to combat a mans wandering eyes you have to actually schedule “phone sex sessions.”

Is It Even In Your Character To Do A LDR?

LDR meme

In the section above I described some of the characteristics/ things that all successful long distance relationships have. Now, lets not get in over our heads here, LDR’s are very hard. I am not going to lie to you, most long distance relationships I have dealt with fall apart because they require an extreme amount of patience and dedication.

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I wanted to put this section on this page for one simple reason, I want YOU to know if you are cut out for a long distance relationship. There are certain people that just can’t do it. It isn’t in their character to do it. If you are one of those people don’t feel too bad. At least you have learned something about yourself.

Lets start with the type of women that ARE cut out for LDR’s.

Types Of Women Who Are Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You enjoy talking on your phone.
  • You don’t mind talking on your phone in public.
  • You have experience emailing, texting and calling on the phone multiple times a day.
  • You don’t mind going to new place and having experiences
  • You are a patient person.
  • You DON’T have any kids.
  • You are a phone sex goddess.

Ok, now that we have the “good qualities” for LDR’s out of the way lets focus on people who aren’t cut out for it.

Types Of Women Who Are NOT Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You hate talking on the phone.
  • You are not a constant emailer or texter.
  • You are very impulsive.
  • You are not patient.
  • You are not a fan of traveling.
  • When you talk you use a lot of body language to get your points across.
  • Deep down you aren’t willing to put in the work a LDR requires.

What I am about to say is really important so I want to make sure that you are listening because I am about to give you the key to knowing if a LDR with your ex boyfriend could possibly work if you get back together. Take a look at the two lists I created above. Essentially I gave you the qualities that you need to have in order to be willing to have a LDR. In addition, I gave you the qualities that you can’t have if you are going to do a LDR.

Now, I know you read those lists and immediately thought to yourself:

“I have ALL of the good qualities.”

Well, that is really great and all but you are only HALF the equation. In case I missed something I think that a relationship involves two people. When it comes to long distance relationships your man has to have the “good” qualities I listed above for you to have a shot at making this work. I want you to think really hard and figure out if you think HE has what it takes to make a LDR work.

The Headwind You Have To Face In A LDR


While you are figuring out that little nugget of knowledge I gave you in the section above lets talk about some of the things you have working against you in a long distance relationship. You see, in order to get your ex boyfriend back if there is a considerable amount of distance separating you right now it is important to discuss all of the things that you have to overcome.

Just a word of warning, this section may be a little depressing. Don’t get too down though because I am going to give you the tools to combat all of this headwind later in this article. For now though, lets talk negatives.

Headwind #1- You Can’t Talk To Your Significant Other In Person

A normal relationship usually goes something like this:

Billy and Sally love each other. They live about 30 minutes from one another but spend time every single day together. They text, call and do all the things that are supposed to happen in a normal relationship

A long distance relationship probably goes like this:

George and Jeanie love each other. They are separated by two states. They do their best to call each other every day but their schedules are so busy that they sometimes forget to. The distance causes problems mostly because they haven’t seen each other in person in two months.

Make no mistake about it, being able to see someone you care about in person is a distinct advantage that regular relationships have over long distance ones.

Headwind #2- Touch and “Other Things ;)”

No hugging..

No kissing…

No holding hands…


When I date someone I expect to do all of the above. Of course, I am a guy so being able to “touch” a woman is high up there on my list. What it all boils down to is that when you are physical with someone it provides a sense of security and togetherness that you just can’t make up over long distance. No doubt about it this is some serious headwind that you are going to have to figure out a way to overcome.

Headwind #3- No More Dates 🙁

I like dates!

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I like the nervous feeling I get before I take a girl out for the first time. I like it all and I am not alone in this. While some guys will say they hate dating I think most of us enjoy them a lot more than we let on. When you are in a long distance relationship there are no more dates. Sure, maybe once a month one of you comes to see the other person. However, I am talking about the every week dates that happen when you are dating someone. In a LDR that just isn’t possible and as a result you are missing out on important bonding time that could further cement your relationship.

Headwind #5- Missing Out On Birthdays Or Other Special Occasions

Tell me if this story sounds familiar.

Billy and Sally are in a long distance relationship. For three straight months they have been an unbearable distance away from each other. Sally is having a birthday that Billy desperately wants to attend… only he can’t because of the distance.

Another negative of LDR’s is that you cannot attend your significant others birthday in person. Sure, you may give him a call but ultimately you can’t be there in person. Oh, but I am not only talking about birthdays here. Lets say that one person gets sick and you aren’t able to be there for them. What if a pet gets hurt, a child’s first step or word? These are all very important bonding moments in a relationships life and you could be missing out on them.

Headwind #6- The Commute

Lets fast forward for a minute and pretend that you and your ex boyfriend got back together. You implemented the steps on this page and are reunited ;). Well, in order to keep your relationship alive you have agreed that you will commute to see each other more in person. There is just one problem, you are having trouble agreeing on who should commute to who. If handled incorrectly this negotiation (for the commuted) could cause a strain in your relationship.

Headwind #7- Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

I saved this one for last for a reason, because it is the number one killer of long distance relationships.

Women tend to cheat for emotional reasons. Mostly because men aren’t giving them what they need emotionally.

Men on the other hand cheat because they get horny. I know it is a sad thing to hear but it is true. If a man is in a committed LDR there are going to be certain “dry spells” where he won’t be getting any. These dry spells will make that man horny and he will be more likely to cheat because of that.

Adding insult to injury, it is likely you won’t have any clue because the two of you are separated by so much distance.

What To Do After A LDR Breakup

crazy breakup girl

So, you and your ex broke up… now what?

You clearly want him back but are completely unsure on how to approach things because there is a great distance separating you. Not to mention all of the headwind I talked about above..

So, what are you supposed to do?

In my experience there are really only two ways things can go now.

  1. You can beg to be taken back essentially turning into a text or phone gnat (annoying your ex.)
  2. You can implement a no contact rule and work on evolving while the dust settles from the breakup fallout.

Option two please!

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The No Contact Rule

A lot of people ask me “will the no contact rule work if I was in a long distance relationship?”

You bet your butt it will. Admittedly, it will be more effective if you and your ex were used to talking to each other every single day. However, even if that wasn’t the case I would still recommend doing the no contact rule. Now, before I get into the nitty gritty lets talk a little about what the NC rule is.

The No Contact Rule A set period of time where you will not text, call, email, facebook, google plus, snap chat, skype or talk to your ex in any way shape or form.

In your case I am going to recommend that you do a NC rule for 30 days. That means that you have to stay in NC for an entire month without any slip ups. If you do slip up and talk to your ex then you are going to have to start over from day 1 again.

Why The NC Rule Works

I received an interesting email yesterday. One of my visitors was reading through the site and found solace in a paragraph on one of the pages. The paragraph was all about the guys perspective during the NC rule. Essentially describing why the NC rule can be so effective.

Since that person emailed me wanting to know more about the guys perspective during the NC rule I figured everyone would so I wanted to put this section in.

IF the no contact rule is implemented correctly and works here is what will happen in a guys mind:

Day 1: “I bet she is the one who breaks first and contacts me.”

Day 2: “Yea, she will definitely be the one who reaches out first.”

Day 3: “Why isn’t she reaching out?”

Day 6: “WTF is going on?? She was supposed to talk to me by now.”

Day 10: Your ex boyfriend will send out a text message checking up on you. Of course, you won’t respond to it.

Day 11: “Ok, now I am mad.. I can’t believe she ignored my text.”

Day 12: He will call you, which you will of course ignore.

Day 13: “That B&*ch, how could she do this?”

Day 15: “I totally hate her..”

Day 25: He will send out another text which you will ignore again.

Day 26: “That is it.. she is the scum of the earth…”

Day 30: You send out your first text to him and he literally runs around like a little girl filled with excitement.

What You Do During The NC Rule Is The Most Important Thing

funny bench

This is where a lot of people who come to this site fail. They think if they try out a 30 day no contact rule that all of their problems are over. After the thirty days their ex will just come running back into their arms. Sorry Charlie but it doesn’t work that way. While a part of the NC rule is for your ex a big part of it is for you.

What you do during the 30 days is essential to getting your ex back. Remember, this isn’t a vacation and if you want him back you have to be willing to put int the work. Now, people in long distance relationships have a pretty good advantage over normal relationships when it comes to this section.

Usually, with a normal relationship I recommend that women evolve during the 30 days into basically the hottest version of themselves that ever existed. That means, women in normal relationships have 30 days before they potentially could see their ex in person. While a lot can happen over the month I am not entirely sold on a life changing transformation happening in that amount of time. Where you have the advantage is the fact that it could be months before you even get to see your ex. While you may look at that fact and frown I tend to take the opposite approach.

The fact that it could be months before you see your ex in person just means that you have more time to prepare, more time to knock his socks off when he sees you.

I recommend picking up my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for ideas on how you can change both mentally and physically during the NC period.

The Mindset You Need To Have During No Contact

Sometimes in order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.

Women who understand this tend to do really well when it comes to getting an ex back. If you are an avid reader of this site then you will find the next phrase I am about to say all too familiar. Men want the unattainable. We want what we can’t have and since I am assuming that you want your ex boyfriend back really really badly right now he is sensing that he can have you.

Here is your main problem. Right now, you aren’t willing to walk away to get him back. I will never forget the time when I was a little boy and went with my dad to watch him negotiate for a car at a car dealership. The thing about my dad is that he is always prepared when it comes to these types of things. He did a lot of research and had what he thought was a fair price in mind. So, when the time came to haggle over the price the car salesman and my dad went back and forth. They haggled and haggled and haggled until my dad determined that he wasn’t going to be getting the price he wanted.

So, my dad did what you are supposed to do in these circumstances. In the middle of the negotiation he literally got up and said “Chris, come on we are leaving.” It took about ten steps before we heard a “wait, come back” from the car salesman. That little tactic just won my dad the negotiation as he got his price.

In this case it was “sometimes in order to get the car you have to be willing to lose the car.”

The Contact Guide For LDR’s

talk to me goose

Ah, now we are getting somewhere. In this section I am going to give a pretty in-depth game plan that you should follow when talking to an ex who you were in a long distance relationship with. Now, before I really dive in here I do want to mention that the ONLY time that you should begin this “contact guide” is when you have completed the 30 day no contact rule that I talked about so much above.

You are about to find out that the rules are just a little bit different when it comes to contacting an ex in a long distance relationship.

What Is Different About Contacting An LDR Ex Vs. A Normal Ex?

  • It is all about setting up a date where you see each other in person.
  • You are allowed to use things like Skype and FaceTime BUT only when I specify below.
  • You SHOULD take a little more time to build rapport with your ex.
  • IF you do succeed in reuniting you have to find ways around the headwind I talked about above.

Ok, enough talking. Lets get to the good stuff.

Your First Contact After NC

Before I dive in to the first contact text message I just want to make you aware that the example texts found below aren’t going to be enough for you. Inevitably you will always want more examples which is why I created The Texting Bible.

So, if you want to up your “texting game” I suggest you take a look at it. Especially since it’s such a vital part of getting an ex back in an LDR.

The first contact you have with your ex should be done via a text message like I recommend throughout my site.

What’s my best advice for sending out a first contact text message? Simple, make it so intriguing that he will have no choice but to respond to it. You should be planning your text message throughout the NC period. I would like to recommend that you run it through what I like to call the first contact text.

Remember, your first contact text message has to be so intriguing that he will have no choice BUT to respond.

So, before you send out any text you should ask yourself “is this intriguing enough for him to respond 100% of the time?”

Ah, but there is another key to first contact text messages that I am leaving out. They have to fill your ex up with a positive memory about you. You don’t have to send him anything controversial to accomplish this. If I was you I would try something like this:

faith first contact

(For more text examples like this please visit The Texting Bible.)

Lets say you sent this exact text and get a response from him, what then? Well, then I would like you to simply end the conversation with something like

“Marie just showed up, I have to go but I will talk to you later :).”

The key with sending a first contact text message to a LDR isn’t to try to get him back. It’s to test him to see if he will be receptive to talking.

The Random Meme

I love internet memes.

In fact, I have an app on my iPhone that is actually JUST for memes. Whenever I get bored I start looking through the memes and just have a good laugh.

What is a meme you ask?

Hmm… I am not sure I can really define them in words. It is better if I just show you.

The Buffy Meme

buffy meme

The Photoshop Meme

photoshop meme

The Superman Meme

superman meme

As you can see, memes are meant to be light and funny. They are the type of things that will go viral in the blink of an eye. If you search the internet there are literally hundreds of thousands of memes out there. What I want you to do is send your ex a text with one of these memes (you pick what you think if funny around the internet.)

You are testing to see if he will respond. If he does respond then you are going to engage him in a very light conversation. You don’t want to engage him in any relationship talk yet. Sending out the “random meme text” is more to test him to see if he is responsive when talking to you. After you engage him for a while I then want you to end the conversation. It is important that YOU end it because it puts you in a position of power and will hopefully leave him wanting more.

If he doesn’t respond to your “meme” then that just means you have to go back into NC for about a week before you try texting him again.

The Remember The Good Times Text Message

If you are familiar with my monster 10k word post on how to get your ex boyfriend back then you should be familiar with this text message. With this text message you are really trying to get your ex boyfriend to remember some of the good memories you had together. So, I want you to brainstorm and list all the special memories you had together. These have to be memories that you know for a fact that your ex enjoyed.

Now, I do feel it is important to point out that you can’t use any sexual memories or anything of that nature yet. The memories you pick have to be strictly PG rated. I would try something like:

swarm of bees text

(Again, if you want more in-depth information on texting I suggest you pick up The Texting Bible.)

Notice how I chose a bonding experience in the above example. The closer you felt together during an experience the better it is. Also, another little nugget of knowledge I can give you is to make sure you use a lot of details. You don’t want to use so many details that you end up having to send 3 texts. However, try to include as many details as possible.

Now, lets assume that he responds to your “remembering the good times” text. What I want you to do is engage him in a conversation. Text him for around 3-5 hours that particular day. Once those 3 hours are up I want you to just not respond. End the conversation by not responding. Remember, our mantra here is to always leave him wanting more.

Let’s Sprinkle In A Little Jealousy

Jealousy can be a very powerful emotion. I have found that couples have gotten back together on jealousy alone. While I don’t recommend getting back together with someone b/c they are jealous and don’t want to see you with anyone else I do think it is ok to sprinkle in a little jealousy to remind your man what he is missing out on.

Of course, you do have a small problem since you were in a long distance relationship with this person.

How are they supposed to see you with someone else initially making them jealous? Well, they can’t but don’t worry I have found a way around this. It is called Facebook! Actually, I don’t want to dive in too deeply here because I already created a post that will help you pimp out your Facebook profile and I cover jealousy in there too!

As far as using jealousy directly with your ex via a text message the key here is to be subtle. Here is an unknown fact about this site, did you know that I actually get men contacting me? Yes, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a site dedicated to women. However, every once in a while there is a man that will reverse engineer the process and wind up on this site because he wants his ex girlfriend back.

A few months ago I had one particular man that really wanted his girlfriend back. He wound up on my site and figured that jealousy was the best way to accomplish this goal. There was just one problem, he didn’t read my warning:

You have to be subtle when you use jealousy directly.

He ended up telling me that he sent his ex girlfriend a text like this:

“I just went out with a really hot waitress last night!”

You can imagine how well that went over with the ex. The key to pulling off a jealousy text isn’t to actually tell your ex that you are out with someone new, it is to plant the idea in their head and let their minds run wild with all kinds of assumptions. One of my favorite ways to accomplish this is by sending a “romantic movie text”

romantic movie text

There are a couple of things I want to go over now. The reason this text is amazing at making an ex boyfriend jealous is that it is so subtle that your ex has to make all kinds of assumptions.

Romantic movie? Was she on a date?

A friend? Was this a guy friend?”

Time To Kick Things Up A Notch

Who doesn’t love a compliment? Let me rephrase that. Who doesn’t love a compliment from the opposite sex. One of my friends said it best:

I don’t care what she looks like, as long as I am getting compliments I am doing things right.

I don’t think you women realize the amazing effect that they have on men. Personally speaking, I am one compliment from the opposite sex away from having a great day. Oh, and I am one put down from the opposite sex to having a bad day. If you are going to compliment your ex boyfriend who you were in a long distance relationship with you have to be really careful.

Part of the reason that I made you jump through all those texting hoops in the previous section (first contact, meme, etc) was to kind of butter your ex up for this type of a text message. I want you to send him a compliment. Yes, it is a risk and you could fall flat on your face but in the end fortune favors the brave so it is time to be brave.

This compliment has to be different though. You have to be detailed and you have to send it at the right time. I recommend sending it when the two of you are in an emotional texting conversation. Here is an example I would use:

compliment text

This is kind of do or die for you. What you are looking for here is a positive response. Ideally, you want him to say more than “thank you.” You want a really positive response and perhaps even get him to compliment you. I would end the conversation after you send this text though no matter what.

Remember, always leave him wanting more.

I Miss You..

Assuming you have progressed this far you are in really good shape. Now it is time to heat things up just a little bit more. After you have gotten very positive responses on all the previous texts I want you to send a “I miss you” text message. This can’t be a simple “I miss you” though. You have to dress it up and kind of make it seem like you aren’t saying “I miss you.”

How do you do that?

Simple, you add lots and lots of details.

Take a look at the example below:

i miss you

(Lots and lots of texts huh? Well, I have 250+ more examples waiting for ya 😉 .)

Notice how that is nothing more than just a really complicated way of saying “I miss you.” You essentially dress the “I miss you” up in details that it doesn’t seem like you are missing your significant other. Obviously, you are looking for another positive response from your long distance partner here. If he responds in a positive way you can move on to the next section.

The Skype of FaceTime Call


(Disclaimer: if you don’t have Skype or FaceTime then you can skip on to the next section.)

If you were in a long distance relationship then I am sure you are pretty aware of what Skype and FaceTime are. If not, they are essentially video software you can download to your smartphone (or computer) that will let you talk to the person face to face electronically.

It is essentially a step above texting. If you have progressed to this point of the page then that means you and your ex are ready to talk in person again (kind of ;).)

I want you to initiate a skype call where you kind of lay your cards out on the table. I want you to finally have an in-depth talk about your relationship. No, you aren’t asking him if he wants to get back together. I just want you to discuss your relationship and any feelings that you may be having for each other still.

Some key points for the Skype/FaceTime call

  • Be very confident.
  • Be very pleasant and happy.
  • DO NOT lose your temper.
  • Try to remain calm about everything.
  • Smile a lot.
  • Make sure you look amazing.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell interesting stories.

The Call (Duh Duh Duhhh..)

I ONLY want you to do this IF the skype call went extremely well. This is it! This is where you are going to try to see your ex in person again. Everything up until this point was just to prepare you for this moment. No pressure though haha ;).

Alright, you are going to make a phone call to your ex and see if you can set up a date where you two can see each other. Since there is long distance involved one of you is going to have to agree to come see the other one. I would actually recommend that YOU be the one that comes to him. That will require you to clear your schedule and have some extra spending cash which is why I want you to call him and let him know (to see if he digs the idea or not.) If he does then you are in! Great job.

If not, then that means you need to reenter NC for a while and try again later. Perhaps do a better job of recreated attraction during the text message portion. For that, I recommend checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

So, that’s it. A kind of condensed version of getting your ex boyfriend back if you are in a long distance relationship. I realize there will be a lot of questions since I did leave out some stuff. If you have any questions feel free to comment in the comments section below.

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5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

  1. Precious

    June 12, 2023 at 6:02 am

    Hi,I need your advice too,I’ve been a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 3 months and 2weeks ago he ended things after a petty argument,I begged him,my friends begged him too but he has completely cut me off,blocked me everywhere and I really want him back,what can I do please

    1. Coach Shaunna

      November 12, 2023 at 7:05 am

      HI Precious your first step is going to be following the NC rule for 45 days and be sure that your friends stop reaching out to him to take you back too this is not going to help you. Work on yourself and be sure that you are focusing on how to heal from the breakup before attempting to contact him after the 45 days are done.

  2. Simran

    July 21, 2022 at 8:38 am

    My Long distance relationship ended 2 years ago and we recently started talking again. We talk till late night. He even replies to my “I love you’s” daily. He refers to me with the nick name He gave me back then. He also has a gf but he has started taking her lightly, He says he misses me a lot but says he won’t get into relationship with me until he feels God wants us to. I also mentioned im also not ready for a relationship currently.
    How do I proceed?

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      July 24, 2022 at 8:51 pm

      Hi Simran, based on the information you’ve given I would stop entertaining him and start a no contact.

  3. piscis234

    July 6, 2022 at 12:24 pm


    My boyfriend and I started to go out a year ago in the same city. In december he moved out to another country bc of work which is only two hours driving from here. At first he was even more needy and telling me he wish i was there, calling me 3 times a day and even shared an agenda together. He introduced me to his family and I did the same, we travelled a lot together and we booked our summer holidays even, we also had a wedding of a friend of him etc and he asked me to move there with him. I was gonna start my studies in his new city at the end of this year Then things started to get a bit tense around march, we had communication issues cause he is a clear example of DA and i am totally the opposite, I always want to talk things even if they are minimum, especially in LD. He said he was not sure he could do LD and he sometimes thought it was better to breakup to prevent suffering in the future. I became very insecure after that statement and I demanded more attention and communication. At the end of may he broke up with me over the phone:he wanted to be alone. 20 days later I asked him fro a in person clousure and he thought it was better to wait some months until we were more rational and cold and not that emotional, but I insisted.When we met he said we were not compatible and that we will both find someone who fits better so there was no need to force the rs. He said he moved there to foster his professional and he didnt see a future together with me. Next week it will be 35 days of NC at all ( i stopped following him on instagram but he follows me and watches my stories within the firts 15 mins). I happen to go to the city where he lives next week so I was planning to text him either with something short about a memory of us in that city or directly asking to meet up and catch up. It is summer holidays and I am coming back to my home country so there is no chance we happen to be in the same city until september. That is why I am doubting if I should take the risk of asking to meet after 35 days of NC or not..

    Any advice is welcome!!

  4. Lizzie

    April 20, 2022 at 5:21 pm


    My LDR bf for 3 months and I just broke up 2 weeks ago, and I really want him back. But we just had a recent exchange of messages that has nothing to do about us after a week of NC. Though, It went pretty well. So as per your advise, I need to start the NC all over again. But He is coming back for a vacation next month here in our country. So do I maintain NC and miss the chance to see him while he’s here? Thanks. Please respond.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2022 at 11:59 am

      Hey Lizzie, yes if it falls into your NC then you need to stick with it – UNLESS HE ASKS TO SEE YOU. You are not to suggest a meet up or ask to see him. It is completely different if he requests to see you. But this meet up needs to be in a public place (eg coffee house) and you are not to be intimate with him in any form no holding hands, kissing, etc unless he is to bring up getting back together and committing to that there and then. Otherwise you work on yourself and stick with your NC.

  5. Beena

    March 8, 2022 at 1:53 pm

    Hi, I’m Beena
    My boyfriend and I became friends through his friend and then we decided to take it to the next level, so I was pretty not sure about LDR at first because I heard it comes with a lot of insecurities etc. so we went a head, introduced each other to our families online after 6 to 7 months of dating and he wanted to come get married to me so we can travel together after. But little did I know that he actually reads all my messages on every single social media handle, gets offended if anyone gives me a compliment online. We literally had misunderstandings on a lot of things, he literally replies some of my messages that I had no idea about.. he invaded my privacy because he felt he has to know everything. Yet he still took care of me very well , until a stalker set in.. he hacked both our phones listened to our conversations, watched our FaceTime video calls with us. The stalker ask him to leave me for him. In exchange he will make my boyfriend rich. Well, I can’t type it all. How can I reach you please.. because right now and so depressed and having a lot of bad thoughts. I really need an advice please. Thanks

  6. Tara

    November 26, 2021 at 1:09 pm

    Hi – am I telling the guy no contact for a month or am I doing it and then sending the text out of the blue? Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 29, 2021 at 8:27 pm

      Hi Tara, you do not tell the guy you are following the No Contact. You just start it stop reaching out or replying for 30 days.

  7. Maria

    October 22, 2021 at 11:31 am

    Hi, could you maybe do a podcast on getting an LDR ex back? He’s the anxious attachment and broke up with me as he isn’t cut out for a LDR whereas I am (because I have done one before) and am more of an avoidant attachment type. However, I genuinely think we could’ve made it work and he got in his head. I know he was falling in love with me and broke up with me to avoid getting more hurt in the future. (He messaged me the next to explain we only broke up because of the circumstances and that he couldn’t see past the distance) I understand it but I also think this was a rash decision, we were good together. Please help!

  8. Ally

    September 2, 2021 at 2:55 am

    I’m getting ahead of myself as I’ve only just started NC but what if your ex doesn’t have any social media for you to use to your advantage to show you’re doing well?

  9. Casey

    April 19, 2021 at 9:35 am

    Hi, I dont even know if you will reply to me but I am hoping you will. I have no one to talk to right now and I feel so heavy right now i couldn’t stop crying and shaking.

    it’s been 11 days since our fight. It was just last month we had our 2nd anniversary as couple. We lived 4 hours from mine to his town. He’s very confusing cus first he said he needed space, then next he broke up with me, then space, broke up, space, broke up… and until now we didn’t have a talk yet since then cus he said he didn’t want talking to me yet cus he is still mad at me. I told him I was coming to his hometown and he said he doesnt want to talk to me yet and see me. Yep, I begged him last week not to leave me and we’ll start over again, but he kept saying he didn’t want to get back. i told him if ever we’ll break up then we need to talk cus i don’t know what’s going on. Is it because he’s tired of LDR? is it because sometimes i do have moods? Is it because i have anxiety attack all the time? or is it because he has someone else? I really don’t know whats going on, and I dont know how to start working on myself for the better. I just really want him back and be extra nicer to him. I mean, I’m nice, I’m patient, I understand him all the time, i dont get mad at him for always drinking and going out with his friend, so Am i the problem? Is it me??? Am i not enough? I really wanted to ask him these but he doesn’t want to talk to me. I am medicine student and my finals is next month and i am totally broken hearted. It really hurts every single time seeing him happy and it seems he never loved me at all. 2 years and suddenly he changes 🙁 please help me. I dont wanna cry anymore.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2021 at 9:40 pm

      Hi Casey, it could be a mixture of those things as you need to understand that people want to be with their partner and long distance makes that difficult along with that he is supporting you with anxiety and upset. You need to try and work on yourself to become more secure attachment and also think if there is a plan for you to be together physically rather than long distance? I would suggest that you complete your NC for 30 days before reaching out or replying to your ex. And in that time if you think there is no plans to be together and not long distance then you may need to consider moving on.

  10. Casey

    April 19, 2021 at 9:33 am

    Hi, it’s been 11 days since our fight. It was just last month we had our 2nd anniversary as couple. We lived 4 hours from mine to his town. He’s very confusing cus first he said he needed space, then next he broke up with me, then space, broke up, space, broke up… and until now we didn’t have a talk yet since then cus he said he didn’t want talking to me yet cus he is still mad at me. I told him I was coming to his hometown and he said he doesnt want to talk to me yet and see me. Yep, I begged him last week not to leave me and we’ll start over again, but he kept saying he didn’t want to get back. i told him if ever we’ll break up then we need to talk cus i don’t know what’s going on. Is it because he’s tired of LDR? is it because sometimes i do have moods? Is it because i have anxiety attack all the time? or is it because he has someone else? I really don’t know whats going on, and I dont know how to start working on myself for the better. I just really want him back and be extra nicer to him. I mean, I’m nice, I’m patient, I understand him all the time, i dont get mad at him for always drinking and going out with his friend, so Am i the problem? Is it me??? Am i not enough? I really wanted to ask him these but he doesn’t want to talk to me. I am medicine student and my finals is next month and i am totally broken hearted. It really hurts every single time seeing him happy and it seems he never loved me at all. 2 years and suddenly he changes 🙁 please help me. I dont wanna cry anymore.

  11. Alonna

    November 14, 2020 at 3:22 pm

    Returned to ex after prolonged rebound relationship. This time it was a lot different; we each had kids and lived 2hrs apart. Initially it was great. Talking on the phone all the time. Daily frequent text msgs. We met up every other week when I didn’t have my kids. He started feeling like I was hiding him from my kids since he wasn’t allowed to visit when I had them; it’s a shack up clause that forbade it (I don’t want to lose my kids), but I can see how he felt like I was hiding him. I work M-F and he works weekends. Before COVID I was able to go to see him every other weekend, but the funds aren’t there for me to travel like that anymore. We got into a huge argument and he said he was done. We talked that night and I thought we had resolved our issues. Life continued: texting and talking daily and then we had another argument and I straight up asked for clarification. He scoffed at me and said I couldn’t call this a relationship because we never saw each other. He could’ve believe I hadn’t already realized we “weren’t together” and that he doesn’t feel for me the same why I feel for him; he also told me that I was obsessed with him. I told him I wasn’t obsessed and had clearly misjudged the situation. I said I understood and that I would give him his space. It’s only been a couple days. I haven’t contacted him, he still “likes” my social media posts and I’m not sure if he will call/message – or what I’m supposed to do. I feel like I made a huge mistake leaving him the first time; this time I feel like I’d be making the biggest mistake of my life by not trying to get him back. I understand the huge obstacles in our way but I feel like he is worth fighting for

  12. Kat

    September 13, 2020 at 8:32 am


    Assuming all goes well, my ex and I live in different countries, not sure how we could meet face to face seeing as we are 8000miles apart and there are travel restrictions with COVID plus the travel expenses, it could be months and months before we could meet in person

    Any suggestions?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 30, 2020 at 3:45 pm

      Hi Kat, what suggestions are you looking for? Have you completd No Contact? Have you followed the information about the Holy Trinity?

  13. Fleur

    June 17, 2020 at 4:11 am


    I really need advice. I’ve been in a long distance marriage with my husband for a year. We got married for a month before i had to go back to my home country and work while we applied for my residency in his country. We are halfway through the process and it got delayed because of the pandemic. Last week he told me he wanna let go because he has been unhappy for 6 months. When I mentioned divorce, he said he didn’t suggest divorce though he has mentioned about it during the past 3 arguments. I’m serving my notice at work because I’m moving there in September to be with him. He said he doesn’t mind me coming but he can’t promise me anything. Now I’m confused. I don’t know if there’s still hope for us. I still want to be with him and I feel like we could work things out when I see him in September. But he told me he doesn’t know how he would feel in September when he sees me. He wants to sleep in separate rooms and see how it goes. He said he we can fix communication but we can’t fix feelings but he’s ok with me coming in September. He also said he doesn’t want to try anymore. He has shut down. Now I don’t know how long should I stay there and like what should i do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 4, 2020 at 10:20 am

      Hey Fleur, so your situation would depend on what you want to do for yourself, if you want to try and get him back then you can start following the program, as for moving to his country that would be more about if it is what you would do with or without him. If it is just for him then you need to look at the pro and cons of moving.

  14. Megan

    June 16, 2020 at 5:24 am

    My boyfriend of almost 2 years and I broke up 1 month ago. Recently I moved to his city and the apartment we chose together. That lasted for a couple months, and then covid got the best of us, and me. He said he needed space, I took that as a break up, and he really regretted it before I left but we ultimately decided it was best to take a break and get some clarity. I got depressed being in a new city, him working a lot and me not at all, and then stopped doing anything because I was depressed and didn’t realize it. I’m happy to have left and gotten back to a good place mentally with seeing my family and being my own person, but I can’t shake that he’s the one for me. I broke NC 1 week ago, and he said he missed me and was about to go on a trip and would maybe text me when he gets back. I feel like he has all the control. Should we go no contact again? If he texts me, even though he said he misses me, should I ignore? Make him wonder what I’m doing? I know we would always long for each other, and I accept if he doesn’t see that now because I think he will regret it in years or months to come. What would be the best course of action to get him back for good?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 10:52 pm

      Hey Megan, working on yourself to be Ungettable and showing your ex you are who you were before the depression set in. Focus on your mental health and be sure that you are doing what is best for you

  15. Sheng Li

    June 9, 2020 at 7:54 pm

    If my no contact period has just started, but soon his birthday is coming (also mine the day after), shall I congratulate him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 9, 2020 at 9:54 pm

      No, do not reach out on his birthday

  16. Soph

    June 2, 2020 at 11:46 pm

    We went out for two years, long distance for a year and a half due to him moving away. He broke up with me on 12th March because he didn’t want a relationship anymore, had no idea why, just felt something had changed. I did no contact. We eventually spoke on and off a few time’s through Messenger, Snapchat and we even video called. Although it was mostly me putting in the effort when it came to Snapchat and Messenger, as soon we were on video call he would continue the conversation, he would tease me, he would go on and on about his life. I left it a week. Then on Saturday past we spoke again on videocall and I told him how I felt. He said he still feels the same way about the breakup but will think about trying. Now he is snapchatting me asking about my life and keeping the conversation going. I honestly don’t know if this is him trying again and testing the water or not. How do I attract him and make him state what he wants?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 3, 2020 at 9:39 pm

      Hi Soph you would need to start and follow the program to get changes noticed. You need to read and follow the information about the Holy Trinity and being Ungettable

  17. Sarah

    May 25, 2020 at 4:41 pm

    Hi. I was in a LDR for 4 months before he broke up with me. We met last summer before I moved to start my new job and he moved to start grad school. We live about 4 hours away which made it really hard. We had dated for almost 8 months (with 4 of those being long distant). It was really hard on the both of us and because of our busy schedules we only saw each other twice during the long distance part. I could tell things had felt different around halfway through the relationship but I was in love with him and wanted to make it work so badly.

    It wasn’t until December that he called me and wanted to break up because the distance wasn’t working. I was devastated because I felt like he was the person I wanted to be with forever. He is my best friend and I wanted this to work. But I feel like that if it we were not long distant our relationship would have stayed strong. He did tell me that back in October his ex called him to tell him she was still in love with him. He said that it confused him but he wasn’t going to go back to her since they were not in the same place either. What made the whole breakup hard was that this boy was my first love and I genuinely saw a real future with him. I knew that he wouldn’t be in grad school forever and I was willing to move to be with him, since I could get a teaching job anywhere really.

    After the breakup, we still talked pretty often. I was going through a lot of things at work and he was there for me a lot. We had talked about if there would be a chance for us down the line when he is out of grad school and he said he didn’t know what the future held but he never shot down the idea of us being together either. Like I said, the relationship ended solely because of us being in an LDR, not because either of us lost feelings or cheated or anything like that. He cried on the phone when he broke up with me and told me that I made Oklahoma special for him (he is from Kansas which is where he moved back to for grad school). Anyway we talked a lot, keeping in touch from the breakup till now. He reached out many times and I reached out some as well. He wanted to still be friends at least and stay in each other’s lives, but I want more than that. I want it all with him and want to be back with him so badly. I started going to therapy for some trauma in my childhood and definitely feel like i am making progress. I started working on different areas of my trinity and putting that energy towards improving myself.

    Another reason the LDR was challenging was because we both lived at home with our parents, so visiting each other was hard becuase we could never spend the night unless we got a hotel, which we didn’t have the money for at the time. I think that was a reason visiting each other was hard on both of us because we would meet in the middle and see each other for the day, but then it was so hard to leave each other and not having time to be intimate was hard as well. So I decided to move out on my own and will be moving into my own place in a few weeks (not just for that reason, but also to take that step of being on my own which i had never done before really). He was actually really happy for me when I told him about it, so I thought maybe this would be a good sign. then during the quarantine, I found out that my teaching contract was not going to be renewed for the next school year and I was os devastated. i asked to talk and told him everything and he helped me so much. He checked in to see how i was doing and gave me a lot of help and advice. then i came across EBR and decided to start the process to get him back. I began no contact on 5/7 and haven’t broken it since then. He sent me a picture of a ticket from a date we went on and said look what i found which really caught me off guard of why he sent me that and made me upset and miss him a lot. He then a couple of days later sent a sorry message that I didn’t reply to since i am in NC.

    So basically, (and sorry for the long background I just wanted to give as many details as I could to give a whole picture for the LDR/BU), I am needing advice on how to get him back with being long distant still. I think it will be better if we get back together now that I will have my own place for sure and he only has one more year of grad school left (although then i will start grad school next year), but he even mentioned potentially going to PT school at OU, which would be a lot closer to where I live now. I have read through the whole program and this article and have done the quiz which said i have an above average chance of getting him back. I just really want to do this right becuase I just feel like we are meant to be. We had a great relationship, SO much in common, he is the most kind and understanding person I have ever met, and is truly my best friend that i just miss so much.

    Any help or advice that you could give me that could help make this work would be greatly appreciated. thank you so much.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 15, 2020 at 8:50 pm

      Hi Sarah, so the fact that the long distance is going causing an issue, along with not having your own place. The only thing you can do right now is focus on how to make those things not a factor in your life, complete your No Contact period working on your Holy Trinity, then when you have completed your NC you start reaching out with the texts that Chris explains in his texting articles. How to use a hook and then ending at the peak. Getting your ex investing in talking to you, moving on to phone calls and skype calls while you are still long distance. Then when you have worked up the value ladder you will be able to arrange meet ups where you need to be so Ungettable you leave him wanting to spend more and more time with you

  18. Carr

    May 23, 2020 at 6:35 pm

    Sorry I had to write on you after i read your comment. Very strange! We are on the same boat, exactly the same situation. Breaking up because he can’t wait for me this coming summer. Me and my boffriend broke up this May 18, 2020. It was so hard my heart just do flips like hell.

  19. Ana

    May 13, 2020 at 4:44 pm

    My boyfriend just broke up with me via phone after having a long distance relationship, saying he does not love anymore. It’s hard for me to believe and I am really hurt. The reason is that he says it happened suddenly, without any explanation, given the fact that our relationship was going well. After the breakup, he sent me a message that he wants to see again. I told him: OK. I will wait for you. Let me know when you can come.But he did not say any date (maybe because of the travel bans but still he can give me some input…).
    What do you think I should do?
    Thank you
    All the best,

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 2:39 pm

      Hi Ana, so the best thing to do is start with a No Contact for at least 30 days 45 if you feel you need more. Give him time to miss you and yourself some time to work on your Holy Trinity. I would use social media to show you are living your life best you can under the circumstances. So he can see you are not sat at home waiting for him to contact you. And when travel restrictions ease, be sure not to be too available for him

  20. Chloe

    April 25, 2020 at 3:12 am

    We have been together for three years and we see each twice a year. I’m moving to his city to pursue a degree but it got postponed by a semester due to the virus. So we broke a couple of weeks ago. I tried no contact. I was a text/call gnat. He said he’ll come back for me someday and then he would say he won’t. On and off like that. But yesterday I pushed to hard and he threatened to block me if I contact him again. I really love him. We had a lot of good times more than bad times.

    Could you advice on what to do?

    Thank you so much in advance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 12:55 pm

      Hi Chloe, the advice is the same as the articles you need to go into a No Contact, stop gnatting him.

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