Long distance relationships are hard. Getting an ex back who you had a long distance relationship is even harder. Today, I am going to tackle this very complex subject and give you a set of actionable steps you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your relationship back. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning that this page is probably going to end up being the second longest in the history of this site. A lot of people have contacted me directly begging for a page like this so I took a lot of time to research and brainstorm a plan for getting an ex back in this specific circumstance.

Before I really get started I want to mention that while this guide is probably one of the most in-depth ones ever created about long distance relationships it pails in comparison to the training I put together for you below.

In other words, if you want even more personalized and in-depth information I recommend checking this out,

What Are Long Distance Relationships?

long distance relationship

What a stupid question right? I mean, you don’t really need to know what a LDR (long distance relationship) is right?

WRONG!

In this section we are going to define long distance relationships and talk about the different kinds of LDR’s that exist in today’s society.

Long Distance Relationships- A specific type of relationship where the couple is separated by a considerable amount of distance.

The keyword in that definition is “considerable.” You might be shocked to learn that a lot of people who I have communicated with as a result of this site think they are in a LDR because they live an hour away from their partner. That is simply not true. In my mind, a true long distance relationship is one where you are separated by states, countries or even oceans. That is where the word “considerable” comes into play. A considerable amount of distance to me has to be a minimum of 500 miles.

Now, lets talk a little about the different kinds of long distance relationships that currently exist.

The Marriage LDR

This is always a tough one to deal with. In this long distance relationship the couple in question is married. Perhaps at one time they even lived together. However, a certain set of circumstances have caused one of them to relocate (a considerable amount of distance away.) Now, since this page is dealing specifically with ex boyfriends don’t let that fool you, this page can work for married couples who have broken up as well.

The Move Away LDR

This is another one of those stories I hear way too often when it comes to long distance relationships. Here is how this one works. Basically, a couple is dating and doing fine. However, after time one of the couple members are presented with an opportunity that causes them to move away for a considerable distance (or in some cases they are forced to.) If you and your ex are in a situation like this then this page can work for you.

The “Few Months” LDR

Believe it or not but I have actually dealt with a lot of women in this exact predicament. How this type of long distance relationship works is pretty simple. A couple is dating and due to a certain set of circumstances one of them has to relocate (very similarly to the marriage LDR above.) Of course, there is one BIG difference. Instead of relocating indefinitely the person that relocated is only going to be gone for a few months. If you and your boyfriend have broken up and have a very similar story to the “few months” LDR then this page can definitely work for you. However, you might also want to check this page out too.

The Internet To Person LDR

This is an interesting type of relationship. Initially, you met your (now ex boyfriend) online and that led to you meeting in person. The thing is though, when you met online you were separated by a considerable amount of distance and even today you are separated by a considerable amount of distance. If this sounds like your situation then this page can pretty much help you out a lot!

The Strictly Internet LDR

This is the ONE type of long distance relationship that this page can not help you on. In this type of relationship the two of you have never met on person, you have only ever met online. The reason why this type of a relationship won’t work for this page is because I personally don’t consider it a relationship. I mean, come on, you have never even met your so called significant other in person.

What It Takes To Have A Successful Long Distance Relationship

successful LDR

You failed..

That’s why your here right? I’ll admit, long distance relationships are hard. In fact, I find them so hard that I don’t personally think I can enter one. Well, I suppose I should never say never but I am generally not a fan of them for one specific reason. If I am dating someone I want to be able to see them IN PERSON. However, a lot of people aren’t like me when it comes to long distance relationships. In fact, some people can thrive on them. One of my best friends dated his girlfriend (long distance) for two years and they are still together today. So, it is possible to have a happy ending.

Anyways, back to the point. If you are here it is most likely because you and your ex had a long distance relationship but you are now broken up. Whatever the reasons may be for the breakup the two of you are not together anymore. That means you couldn’t make the long distance relationship work.

Look, no one is blaming you. I just stated above I couldn’t do it so my hats off to you for even trying. Nevertheless, you are here because you want your ex back and you are willing to do whatever it takes. I thought it might be a good idea to figure out what makes a successful long distance relationship so you know what you need to do the second time around (assuming you are able to get your boyfriend back.) So, I did a lot of research and came up with the following qualities that are constant among successful LDR’s.

(For more in-depth information on getting a long distance ex boyfriend back please visit this page.)

Doing Things Together Over The Phone

One of my best memories in high school is talking on the phone with girls. You see, when I went to high school texting hadn’t become as big as it is now. Add in the fact that I didn’t even have text messaging and you are left with someone who actually had to go “old school” and call girls for dates. I remember staying up so late at night and literally talking until a girl would fall asleep on the phone with me.

Every successful long distance relationship has this type of element to it. A tireless ability to talk on the phone for hours. Of course, couples in long distance relationships take things a step further by actually doing things together on the phone. Common examples include:

  • Watching a favorite television show together. (Netflix is great for this 😉 )
  • Cooking together on the phone.
  • Playing a board game together.

Communicating On A Daily Basis, NO MATTER WHAT!

Another quality that successful LDR couples have is that they talk every single day. Now, there is a difference between stalking and communicating. Unsuccessful LDR’s usually have one couple member constantly freaking out over what the other one is doing. There has to be some trust involved or else your whole relationship will fall apart.

Technological Face Time

We live in a world of electronics and smart phones. I mean, for god sakes there is an entire section of this website dedicated solely to texting. For a couple separated by distance it is imperative that you take advantage of such electronic inventions.

We have already established that successful couples are always communicating with each other via a phone. Ah, but there is a problem with a phone. While you can hear the person talking on it, it is impossible to see their face. Well, with inventions like Skype or “FaceTime” this is no longer a problem. You can communicate with someone face to face over the phone.

Actually, the first time I heard about Skype was from a buddy of mine who was dating a girl that had left for college across the country. I remember him telling me that they skyped every single day and it had helped a lot to maintain the closeness that both of them were so vigorously craving.

ACTUAL Face Time

While things like Skype and FaceTime are fantastic tools for maintaining a technological closeness with your significant other nothing can beat actually seeing them in person. The feelings you feel, the ability to actually hold someone in your arms and do “other” things is part of the total package when you see someone in person. I don’t care what you say, in my mind nothing beats seeing someone you care about in person.

Every and I mean EVERY long distance relationship that has stood the test of time has a member taking time out of his/her schedule to see the other member in person. Now, that also presents us with an interesting problem…

You Have To Have Money (or EXTREME Budgeting Skills)

This point kind of goes hand in hand with the one above, in order to see your significant other someone in the relationship has to be willing to shell out the $’s. I can’t tell you how many women I have communicated with on this site whose LDR failed because someone wasn’t willing to fork over the money when the break came in schedules to see each other.

No relationship can survive if the two people never see each other. Speaking of things that relationships can’t survive without…

Phone Sex

This may be a little controversial but this is my firm belief, no relationship can survive without sex.

So, that leaves you in a really bad spot when you first embark on a long distance relationship. I mean, what are you supposed to do?

Enter phone sex!

My friend (who I have mentioned a couple of times already on this page already) is one of the few people I know who has made a long distance relationship work. Let me give you his statistics. He has been dating his girlfriend for about five years (two of which were long distance.) When I asked him how he did it, how he could bear being away from his girlfriend that long he muttered two simple words.

“phone sex”

He told me that without phone sex he would have broken up with her. I have no statistics to back up the claim I am about to make but I think women can go without sex longer than men can. A point will eventually come where men, who have been on a “dry spell,” will start to wander else where. So, in order to combat a mans wandering eyes you have to actually schedule “phone sex sessions.”

Is It Even In Your Character To Do A LDR?

LDR meme

In the section above I described some of the characteristics/ things that all successful long distance relationships have. Now, lets not get in over our heads here, LDR’s are very hard. I am not going to lie to you, most long distance relationships I have dealt with fall apart because they require an extreme amount of patience and dedication.

I wanted to put this section on this page for one simple reason, I want YOU to know if you are cut out for a long distance relationship. There are certain people that just can’t do it. It isn’t in their character to do it. If you are one of those people don’t feel too bad. At least you have learned something about yourself.

Lets start with the type of women that ARE cut out for LDR’s.

Types Of Women Who Are Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You enjoy talking on your phone.
  • You don’t mind talking on your phone in public.
  • You have experience emailing, texting and calling on the phone multiple times a day.
  • You don’t mind going to new place and having experiences
  • You are a patient person.
  • You DON’T have any kids.
  • You are a phone sex goddess.

Ok, now that we have the “good qualities” for LDR’s out of the way lets focus on people who aren’t cut out for it.

Types Of Women Who Are NOT Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You hate talking on the phone.
  • You are not a constant emailer or texter.
  • You are very impulsive.
  • You are not patient.
  • You are not a fan of traveling.
  • When you talk you use a lot of body language to get your points across.
  • Deep down you aren’t willing to put in the work a LDR requires.

What I am about to say is really important so I want to make sure that you are listening because I am about to give you the key to knowing if a LDR with your ex boyfriend could possibly work if you get back together. Take a look at the two lists I created above. Essentially I gave you the qualities that you need to have in order to be willing to have a LDR. In addition, I gave you the qualities that you can’t have if you are going to do a LDR.

Now, I know you read those lists and immediately thought to yourself:

“I have ALL of the good qualities.”

Well, that is really great and all but you are only HALF the equation. In case I missed something I think that a relationship involves two people. When it comes to long distance relationships your man has to have the “good” qualities I listed above for you to have a shot at making this work. I want you to think really hard and figure out if you think HE has what it takes to make a LDR work.

The Headwind You Have To Face In A LDR

Long-Distance-Relationship2

While you are figuring out that little nugget of knowledge I gave you in the section above lets talk about some of the things you have working against you in a long distance relationship. You see, in order to get your ex boyfriend back if there is a considerable amount of distance separating you right now it is important to discuss all of the things that you have to overcome.

Just a word of warning, this section may be a little depressing. Don’t get too down though because I am going to give you the tools to combat all of this headwind later in this article. For now though, lets talk negatives.

Headwind #1- You Can’t Talk To Your Significant Other In Person

A normal relationship usually goes something like this:

Billy and Sally love each other. They live about 30 minutes from one another but spend time every single day together. They text, call and do all the things that are supposed to happen in a normal relationship

A long distance relationship probably goes like this:

George and Jeanie love each other. They are separated by two states. They do their best to call each other every day but their schedules are so busy that they sometimes forget to. The distance causes problems mostly because they haven’t seen each other in person in two months.

Make no mistake about it, being able to see someone you care about in person is a distinct advantage that regular relationships have over long distance ones.

Headwind #2- Touch and “Other Things ;)”

No hugging..

No kissing…

No holding hands…

NO SEX…

When I date someone I expect to do all of the above. Of course, I am a guy so being able to “touch” a woman is high up there on my list. What it all boils down to is that when you are physical with someone it provides a sense of security and togetherness that you just can’t make up over long distance. No doubt about it this is some serious headwind that you are going to have to figure out a way to overcome.

Headwind #3- No More Dates 🙁

I like dates!

I like the nervous feeling I get before I take a girl out for the first time. I like it all and I am not alone in this. While some guys will say they hate dating I think most of us enjoy them a lot more than we let on. When you are in a long distance relationship there are no more dates. Sure, maybe once a month one of you comes to see the other person. However, I am talking about the every week dates that happen when you are dating someone. In a LDR that just isn’t possible and as a result you are missing out on important bonding time that could further cement your relationship.

Headwind #5- Missing Out On Birthdays Or Other Special Occasions

Tell me if this story sounds familiar.

Billy and Sally are in a long distance relationship. For three straight months they have been an unbearable distance away from each other. Sally is having a birthday that Billy desperately wants to attend… only he can’t because of the distance.

Another negative of LDR’s is that you cannot attend your significant others birthday in person. Sure, you may give him a call but ultimately you can’t be there in person. Oh, but I am not only talking about birthdays here. Lets say that one person gets sick and you aren’t able to be there for them. What if a pet gets hurt, a child’s first step or word? These are all very important bonding moments in a relationships life and you could be missing out on them.

Headwind #6- The Commute

Lets fast forward for a minute and pretend that you and your ex boyfriend got back together. You implemented the steps on this page and are reunited ;). Well, in order to keep your relationship alive you have agreed that you will commute to see each other more in person. There is just one problem, you are having trouble agreeing on who should commute to who. If handled incorrectly this negotiation (for the commuted) could cause a strain in your relationship.

Headwind #7- Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

I saved this one for last for a reason, because it is the number one killer of long distance relationships.

Women tend to cheat for emotional reasons. Mostly because men aren’t giving them what they need emotionally.

Men on the other hand cheat because they get horny. I know it is a sad thing to hear but it is true. If a man is in a committed LDR there are going to be certain “dry spells” where he won’t be getting any. These dry spells will make that man horny and he will be more likely to cheat because of that.

Adding insult to injury, it is likely you won’t have any clue because the two of you are separated by so much distance.

What To Do After A LDR Breakup

crazy breakup girl

So, you and your ex broke up… now what?

You clearly want him back but are completely unsure on how to approach things because there is a great distance separating you. Not to mention all of the headwind I talked about above..

So, what are you supposed to do?

In my experience there are really only two ways things can go now.

  1. You can beg to be taken back essentially turning into a text or phone gnat (annoying your ex.)
  2. You can implement a no contact rule and work on evolving while the dust settles from the breakup fallout.

Option two please!

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back Again With Our Step By Step Guide To Getting Your Ex Back

Learn More

The No Contact Rule

A lot of people ask me “will the no contact rule work if I was in a long distance relationship?”

You bet your butt it will. Admittedly, it will be more effective if you and your ex were used to talking to each other every single day. However, even if that wasn’t the case I would still recommend doing the no contact rule. Now, before I get into the nitty gritty lets talk a little about what the NC rule is.

The No Contact Rule A set period of time where you will not text, call, email, facebook, google plus, snap chat, skype or talk to your ex in any way shape or form.

In your case I am going to recommend that you do a NC rule for 30 days. That means that you have to stay in NC for an entire month without any slip ups. If you do slip up and talk to your ex then you are going to have to start over from day 1 again.

Why The NC Rule Works

I received an interesting email yesterday. One of my visitors was reading through the site and found solace in a paragraph on one of the pages. The paragraph was all about the guys perspective during the NC rule. Essentially describing why the NC rule can be so effective.

Since that person emailed me wanting to know more about the guys perspective during the NC rule I figured everyone would so I wanted to put this section in.

IF the no contact rule is implemented correctly and works here is what will happen in a guys mind:

Day 1: “I bet she is the one who breaks first and contacts me.”

Day 2: “Yea, she will definitely be the one who reaches out first.”

Day 3: “Why isn’t she reaching out?”

Day 6: “WTF is going on?? She was supposed to talk to me by now.”

Day 10: Your ex boyfriend will send out a text message checking up on you. Of course, you won’t respond to it.

Day 11: “Ok, now I am mad.. I can’t believe she ignored my text.”

Day 12: He will call you, which you will of course ignore.

Day 13: “That B&*ch, how could she do this?”

Day 15: “I totally hate her..”

Day 25: He will send out another text which you will ignore again.

Day 26: “That is it.. she is the scum of the earth…”

Day 30: You send out your first text to him and he literally runs around like a little girl filled with excitement.

What You Do During The NC Rule Is The Most Important Thing

funny bench

This is where a lot of people who come to this site fail. They think if they try out a 30 day no contact rule that all of their problems are over. After the thirty days their ex will just come running back into their arms. Sorry Charlie but it doesn’t work that way. While a part of the NC rule is for your ex a big part of it is for you.

What you do during the 30 days is essential to getting your ex back. Remember, this isn’t a vacation and if you want him back you have to be willing to put int the work. Now, people in long distance relationships have a pretty good advantage over normal relationships when it comes to this section.

Usually, with a normal relationship I recommend that women evolve during the 30 days into basically the hottest version of themselves that ever existed. That means, women in normal relationships have 30 days before they potentially could see their ex in person. While a lot can happen over the month I am not entirely sold on a life changing transformation happening in that amount of time. Where you have the advantage is the fact that it could be months before you even get to see your ex. While you may look at that fact and frown I tend to take the opposite approach.

The fact that it could be months before you see your ex in person just means that you have more time to prepare, more time to knock his socks off when he sees you.

I recommend picking up my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for ideas on how you can change both mentally and physically during the NC period.

The Mindset You Need To Have During No Contact

Sometimes in order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.

Women who understand this tend to do really well when it comes to getting an ex back. If you are an avid reader of this site then you will find the next phrase I am about to say all too familiar. Men want the unattainable. We want what we can’t have and since I am assuming that you want your ex boyfriend back really really badly right now he is sensing that he can have you.

Here is your main problem. Right now, you aren’t willing to walk away to get him back. I will never forget the time when I was a little boy and went with my dad to watch him negotiate for a car at a car dealership. The thing about my dad is that he is always prepared when it comes to these types of things. He did a lot of research and had what he thought was a fair price in mind. So, when the time came to haggle over the price the car salesman and my dad went back and forth. They haggled and haggled and haggled until my dad determined that he wasn’t going to be getting the price he wanted.

So, my dad did what you are supposed to do in these circumstances. In the middle of the negotiation he literally got up and said “Chris, come on we are leaving.” It took about ten steps before we heard a “wait, come back” from the car salesman. That little tactic just won my dad the negotiation as he got his price.

In this case it was “sometimes in order to get the car you have to be willing to lose the car.”

The Contact Guide For LDR’s

talk to me goose

Ah, now we are getting somewhere. In this section I am going to give a pretty in-depth game plan that you should follow when talking to an ex who you were in a long distance relationship with. Now, before I really dive in here I do want to mention that the ONLY time that you should begin this “contact guide” is when you have completed the 30 day no contact rule that I talked about so much above.

You are about to find out that the rules are just a little bit different when it comes to contacting an ex in a long distance relationship.

What Is Different About Contacting An LDR Ex Vs. A Normal Ex?

  • It is all about setting up a date where you see each other in person.
  • You are allowed to use things like Skype and FaceTime BUT only when I specify below.
  • You SHOULD take a little more time to build rapport with your ex.
  • IF you do succeed in reuniting you have to find ways around the headwind I talked about above.

Ok, enough talking. Lets get to the good stuff.

Your First Contact After NC

Before I dive in to the first contact text message I just want to make you aware that the example texts found below aren’t going to be enough for you. Inevitably you will always want more examples which is why I created The Texting Bible.

So, if you want to up your “texting game” I suggest you take a look at it. Especially since it’s such a vital part of getting an ex back in an LDR.

The first contact you have with your ex should be done via a text message like I recommend throughout my site.

What’s my best advice for sending out a first contact text message? Simple, make it so intriguing that he will have no choice but to respond to it. You should be planning your text message throughout the NC period. I would like to recommend that you run it through what I like to call the first contact text.

Remember, your first contact text message has to be so intriguing that he will have no choice BUT to respond.

So, before you send out any text you should ask yourself “is this intriguing enough for him to respond 100% of the time?”

Ah, but there is another key to first contact text messages that I am leaving out. They have to fill your ex up with a positive memory about you. You don’t have to send him anything controversial to accomplish this. If I was you I would try something like this:

faith first contact

(For more text examples like this please visit The Texting Bible.)

Lets say you sent this exact text and get a response from him, what then? Well, then I would like you to simply end the conversation with something like

“Marie just showed up, I have to go but I will talk to you later :).”

The key with sending a first contact text message to a LDR isn’t to try to get him back. It’s to test him to see if he will be receptive to talking.

The Random Meme

I love internet memes.

In fact, I have an app on my iPhone that is actually JUST for memes. Whenever I get bored I start looking through the memes and just have a good laugh.

What is a meme you ask?

Hmm… I am not sure I can really define them in words. It is better if I just show you.

The Buffy Meme

buffy meme

The Photoshop Meme

photoshop meme

The Superman Meme

superman meme

As you can see, memes are meant to be light and funny. They are the type of things that will go viral in the blink of an eye. If you search the internet there are literally hundreds of thousands of memes out there. What I want you to do is send your ex a text with one of these memes (you pick what you think if funny around the internet.)

You are testing to see if he will respond. If he does respond then you are going to engage him in a very light conversation. You don’t want to engage him in any relationship talk yet. Sending out the “random meme text” is more to test him to see if he is responsive when talking to you. After you engage him for a while I then want you to end the conversation. It is important that YOU end it because it puts you in a position of power and will hopefully leave him wanting more.

If he doesn’t respond to your “meme” then that just means you have to go back into NC for about a week before you try texting him again.

The Remember The Good Times Text Message

If you are familiar with my monster 10k word post on how to get your ex boyfriend back then you should be familiar with this text message. With this text message you are really trying to get your ex boyfriend to remember some of the good memories you had together. So, I want you to brainstorm and list all the special memories you had together. These have to be memories that you know for a fact that your ex enjoyed.

Now, I do feel it is important to point out that you can’t use any sexual memories or anything of that nature yet. The memories you pick have to be strictly PG rated. I would try something like:

swarm of bees text

(Again, if you want more in-depth information on texting I suggest you pick up The Texting Bible.)

Notice how I chose a bonding experience in the above example. The closer you felt together during an experience the better it is. Also, another little nugget of knowledge I can give you is to make sure you use a lot of details. You don’t want to use so many details that you end up having to send 3 texts. However, try to include as many details as possible.

Now, lets assume that he responds to your “remembering the good times” text. What I want you to do is engage him in a conversation. Text him for around 3-5 hours that particular day. Once those 3 hours are up I want you to just not respond. End the conversation by not responding. Remember, our mantra here is to always leave him wanting more.

Let’s Sprinkle In A Little Jealousy

Jealousy can be a very powerful emotion. I have found that couples have gotten back together on jealousy alone. While I don’t recommend getting back together with someone b/c they are jealous and don’t want to see you with anyone else I do think it is ok to sprinkle in a little jealousy to remind your man what he is missing out on.

Of course, you do have a small problem since you were in a long distance relationship with this person.

How are they supposed to see you with someone else initially making them jealous? Well, they can’t but don’t worry I have found a way around this. It is called Facebook! Actually, I don’t want to dive in too deeply here because I already created a post that will help you pimp out your Facebook profile and I cover jealousy in there too!

As far as using jealousy directly with your ex via a text message the key here is to be subtle. Here is an unknown fact about this site, did you know that I actually get men contacting me? Yes, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a site dedicated to women. However, every once in a while there is a man that will reverse engineer the process and wind up on this site because he wants his ex girlfriend back.

A few months ago I had one particular man that really wanted his girlfriend back. He wound up on my site and figured that jealousy was the best way to accomplish this goal. There was just one problem, he didn’t read my warning:

You have to be subtle when you use jealousy directly.

He ended up telling me that he sent his ex girlfriend a text like this:

“I just went out with a really hot waitress last night!”

You can imagine how well that went over with the ex. The key to pulling off a jealousy text isn’t to actually tell your ex that you are out with someone new, it is to plant the idea in their head and let their minds run wild with all kinds of assumptions. One of my favorite ways to accomplish this is by sending a “romantic movie text”

romantic movie text

There are a couple of things I want to go over now. The reason this text is amazing at making an ex boyfriend jealous is that it is so subtle that your ex has to make all kinds of assumptions.

Romantic movie? Was she on a date?

A friend? Was this a guy friend?”

Time To Kick Things Up A Notch

Who doesn’t love a compliment? Let me rephrase that. Who doesn’t love a compliment from the opposite sex. One of my friends said it best:

I don’t care what she looks like, as long as I am getting compliments I am doing things right.

I don’t think you women realize the amazing effect that they have on men. Personally speaking, I am one compliment from the opposite sex away from having a great day. Oh, and I am one put down from the opposite sex to having a bad day. If you are going to compliment your ex boyfriend who you were in a long distance relationship with you have to be really careful.

Part of the reason that I made you jump through all those texting hoops in the previous section (first contact, meme, etc) was to kind of butter your ex up for this type of a text message. I want you to send him a compliment. Yes, it is a risk and you could fall flat on your face but in the end fortune favors the brave so it is time to be brave.

This compliment has to be different though. You have to be detailed and you have to send it at the right time. I recommend sending it when the two of you are in an emotional texting conversation. Here is an example I would use:

compliment text

This is kind of do or die for you. What you are looking for here is a positive response. Ideally, you want him to say more than “thank you.” You want a really positive response and perhaps even get him to compliment you. I would end the conversation after you send this text though no matter what.

Remember, always leave him wanting more.

I Miss You..

Assuming you have progressed this far you are in really good shape. Now it is time to heat things up just a little bit more. After you have gotten very positive responses on all the previous texts I want you to send a “I miss you” text message. This can’t be a simple “I miss you” though. You have to dress it up and kind of make it seem like you aren’t saying “I miss you.”

How do you do that?

Simple, you add lots and lots of details.

Take a look at the example below:

i miss you

(Lots and lots of texts huh? Well, I have 250+ more examples waiting for ya 😉 .)

Notice how that is nothing more than just a really complicated way of saying “I miss you.” You essentially dress the “I miss you” up in details that it doesn’t seem like you are missing your significant other. Obviously, you are looking for another positive response from your long distance partner here. If he responds in a positive way you can move on to the next section.

The Skype of FaceTime Call

skype

(Disclaimer: if you don’t have Skype or FaceTime then you can skip on to the next section.)

If you were in a long distance relationship then I am sure you are pretty aware of what Skype and FaceTime are. If not, they are essentially video software you can download to your smartphone (or computer) that will let you talk to the person face to face electronically.

It is essentially a step above texting. If you have progressed to this point of the page then that means you and your ex are ready to talk in person again (kind of ;).)

I want you to initiate a skype call where you kind of lay your cards out on the table. I want you to finally have an in-depth talk about your relationship. No, you aren’t asking him if he wants to get back together. I just want you to discuss your relationship and any feelings that you may be having for each other still.

Some key points for the Skype/FaceTime call

  • Be very confident.
  • Be very pleasant and happy.
  • DO NOT lose your temper.
  • Try to remain calm about everything.
  • Smile a lot.
  • Make sure you look amazing.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell interesting stories.

The Call (Duh Duh Duhhh..)

I ONLY want you to do this IF the skype call went extremely well. This is it! This is where you are going to try to see your ex in person again. Everything up until this point was just to prepare you for this moment. No pressure though haha ;).

Alright, you are going to make a phone call to your ex and see if you can set up a date where you two can see each other. Since there is long distance involved one of you is going to have to agree to come see the other one. I would actually recommend that YOU be the one that comes to him. That will require you to clear your schedule and have some extra spending cash which is why I want you to call him and let him know (to see if he digs the idea or not.) If he does then you are in! Great job.

If not, then that means you need to reenter NC for a while and try again later. Perhaps do a better job of recreated attraction during the text message portion. For that, I recommend checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

So, that’s it. A kind of condensed version of getting your ex boyfriend back if you are in a long distance relationship. I realize there will be a lot of questions since I did leave out some stuff. If you have any questions feel free to comment in the comments section below.

5,114 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

  1. Avatar

    Helen

    May 6, 2019 at 4:23 am

    My ex and I broke up 2 years ago. I was due to go visit him and stay with him in September, but today he informed me that he has a girlfriend and I can’t stay with him anymore. How do I get him back?

  2. Avatar

    Helen

    April 6, 2019 at 2:13 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I split up a year and a half ago (he dumped me). After 9 months of no contact I got in touch and was gonna be in town (I live in the US, he’s in England) and we met up and chatted and things got better. In the year since then we’ve skyped once, he sometimes jokes about me coming to see him and has offered to let me stay with him when I do come back. He’s also asked if I’m dating anyone and a few months back joked about our sex life, so I know he still thinks about that. I’m struggling to break past the next stage as I won’t be able to visit until at least this autumn. What can I do to keep him interested in the meantime?

  3. Avatar

    Almira

    March 30, 2019 at 1:54 pm

    Hi Crist, my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. we were on 10 months of relationship, and well it was long distance relationship. he promised he would come to see me next year but we already broke up so yeah. he used to talk about marriage, kids and living a happy life and bloody hell we’re still in college. i didn’t know about the No Contact thing so, like many people, I sent him messages and begged him to stay and he blocked me literally on every way he could contact me and he also unfriended my friends. i didn’t get why he did that to my friends. anyway, he broke up with me because of my behavior, he said that I didn’t respect him, i was rude to him. and yeah now i blamed my self for that. he was so nice to me like the nicest guy i’ve ever known, and another problem is he was also jealous to my guy best friend and assumed that I’ve cheated on him with my best friend, I tried to explain but he didn’t listen. he just kept saying it’s over. i regret it, i’m willing to change, i just miss him so much. he didn’t even break up with me in call, guess he couldn’t take it.

  4. Avatar

    soniya

    February 27, 2019 at 1:10 am

    Hi Chris,
    So my ex just ended things between us a week ago. He lives 1 state away (45 min flight or 4 hour drive). We have been dating for 3 months and even introduced each other to some very close friends. He was schedule to go on a business trip for 2-3 months in February. I saw him 3 days before his trip, the night didn’t end well. We got into a tiff because he got a bit drunk and left me by myself at the club. Moving on when speaking to him about he asked what am I a looking for in a relationship. He told me to think about it for a few days, he didn’t want to share his answer as he thought it would influence mine. By this time he was already overseas. 2 weeks pass by and we barely spoke on the phone. He texted me saying he was at the hospital the entire week because he got sick. In addition his doctor put a cast on his arm because his blood wasn’t flowing properly from a previous surgery. At this point i’m thinking wow, what a shitty way to start the trip. Still at the back of my mind I can only think of the conversation. A little bit after 2 weeks I get a quick call and was so happy to hear him call me babe (childish but happy kid moment) I was thinking okay maybe things are fine between us. By the end of week 3 I requested he put aside some time to have that conversation about what we are looking to do within a relationship. He responded back to my request rudely (I think) saying “yeah sure when I get time out of the f***ing hospital. Like WHOA okay. So with that I just put my thoughts into texts. I explained to him that I try to have deep conversations via text since we can’t talk or hang out all the time just so I can get his mindset about us. I stated other things like being supportive towards his goals and us building a strong friendship;/foundation, working through the hard times together. 15 mins pass by and I get a text saying maybe we just want different things, I think its best to just not bother at this point and wish each other the best of luck in finding what we both want and deserve. I obviously texted back saying please don’t say that, we both know what we want, we are working towards the same goal. 30 mins later we speak on the phone and he pretty much made up his mind about us not being together. He said this relationship is only being worked 1 way. Due to his work, unbalanced scheduled and a lot of problems with his business he doesn’t know if he’s even coming back in 2-3 months. I told him to try giving us a chance. Then he said, I give up on us. My heart shattered. I feel like he was trying to be either protective towards me so I’m just not on hold. I honestly don’t know. Its been a week since we have ended and no contact has been made. I just want him to realize that was the wrong decision. He’s so special to me and so REAL. What do you suggest in my situation? My friends have expressed the timing may be off. Month 2 into us dating his grandma passed which made things rough on him. I feel like we just haven’t had our prime time and situations have just been messy towards us.

  5. Avatar

    Alena

    February 19, 2019 at 8:02 pm

    I posted a comment but forgot to add that I’m afraid he’s interested already in another girl. Because he keeps Adding all those pretty girls. And really there wasn’t a day the last 2 years that we didn’t text so I hope if I do the NC method I will get a text from him. Did I understand it right and if he doesn’t answer after 30 days I can text him a text and see?

  6. Avatar

    Alena

    February 19, 2019 at 7:58 pm

    So he broke up with me on his birthday, we almost were together for 2 years seeing each other twice a year for a month. Last time we seen each other was 4 weeks ago and he left and was all telling me how happy I make him. We had so so many fights and struggles but when being in person together we were smiling. Yes arguments also but mostly good memories. Before he visited me in winter we almost had a breakup and he had already booked his flight and said he’s gonna come as just a friend but I convinced him to just see how it is like in person. And when he broke up last week he said winter was all bad memories and nothing good about it and all that. That is a lie because he always gave me this one look when we had really happy memories this one look where he would usually just out of nowhere call me the most beautiful girl. And those moments we also had in winter. We randomly had a video game night and I was distracted asking him about something while eating chips and he just turned and said you know what I’m gonna marry you one day. And then hearing he never meant any of that and that in winter he already knew that he would break up I can’t believe that. He wrote on the last day a letter saying don’t ever be told different. He always had a problem admitting that he misses me but even wrote that he will miss me. And to be honest when he broke up I first did the first option I called him trying to get a hold of him, I texted him. Begged him that I would do anything. I also gotta say since he left he started playing video games a lot like 18 hours a day. Then had work. We still talked and all that but he was never that distant. And it all became less and less I mean we barely sent snaps to each other showing our faces like we used to do. And duh I believe if you don’t see a person and not hear much from a person you start to lose feelings or forget. And first I begged, then I just got so mad at him, for lying to me because he said we will give it all in summer a chance. The thing is I WOULD HAVE MOVED IN WITH HIM IN 4 months. No distance no more. And just the week before he still helped me. Even his mom texted me she doesn’t understand him that he was just last week asking her about me moving and trying to figure paper work out. He acts rn as if he never cared about me. But when I asked him to call me on face time to tell me while seeing my face, and I begged him to not leave me, he struggled and really he’s not a man that shows emotions easily. But he cried. And not pretending to, I seen tears running down his face. I only seen that like 5 times in those 2 years. When I was leaving the country when we just got together, when I was holding him while he told me about his family problems, then when I left in summer again and him saying he had to see the love of his life leave him and then when he broke up. The week before he already had stopped saying I love you and needed Time to think and he also cried on FaceTime. So I have this hope that he still cares. He ignored mostly all my texts or when I then said well I freakin deserve an answer after you broke my heart then he usually just said he’s sorry but I have to accept it bla bla. He texted my mom that I’m an amazing person and so beautiful, but that it hasn’t been working out and that he felt trapped. The girls he deleted on facebokn and Snapchat it was himself deciding that to do for me and now he said I made him lose all his friends. If he would have talked to me I always would have agreed to him seeing friends. Because I would agree to anything if it means not losing him. I don’t know why he broke up. I don’t believe that he doesn’t love me no more. And we both deleted Instagram when being a couple and I seen that he got it back and he posted a picture of Paris, a gift that he gave me for Christmas and he when breaking up said it was such a terrible time full of arguing although we made so many good memories. And then he posted the pictures that I took, just the landscape ones and said “amazing trip to Paris” as if he did that alone. So I even told him I was disappointed that was our thing and he ruins it by pretending I wasn’t there. He actually said “won’t post more like that my bad”. And today I still texted him and had him ignore me. Because I said the reasons he broke up is he wanted to keep his friends and he wanted to go out to things without me making comments being jealous. If it was only those reasons I don’t get why we can’t be together and him just doing that. And I valento this page and my parents also said he will run after me if I ignore him. I mean we texted 610 days straight. Every day there was texting and he still just sends a random picture to keep our streak on Snapchat. But if I would stop sending one back if I would delete him. I would be afraid he would never come back. But the crying showed it hurt him knbredinky and that I mean a lot to him still. So should I do a whole month of ignoring him ? And what if he hasn’t contacted me once. Do I just sent a normal text saying hey do you remember when we went to the drive in movies and both fell asleep already at the beginning.

  7. Avatar

    Pani

    February 12, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    Hi Chris, I don’t know if he is my ex yet but since August 31 st we had a little misunderstanding because I disrespected him, and he hates when he is been disrespected. So, he has been angry from August 31st to today because when I text and he doesn’t reply I start nagging so he continues to ignore me.He actually texted on the 1 st of January to wish me happy new year. When I send him a message to ask if he is still interested in the relationship he doesn’t reply, when I call he rejects. I know know what to do.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 13, 2019 at 12:40 am

      Hi Pani!

      Have you tried implementing No Contact as I think if you learn more about it and all of its elements, you will realize its a pragmatic path forward for many reasons.

  8. Avatar

    Sarah

    February 4, 2019 at 5:59 pm

    Hey Chris, I was in a ldr for almost 2 years with my ex. We saw eachother but other times when we would try things would come up like weather conditions, also both of our families are strict so we can’t just go anywhere we want, especially me. He broke up with me once because he said it was “toxic” blah blah, but really he just wasn’t happy being with me anymore I guess. So I went into no contact. For a month. He came back to me by reaching out thru Instagram, we reconnected instantly but I told him he needs to come see me. That’s a huge part of all this. We needed to see eachother. It has been too long. We got back toehtehr and he said he would try that ending of the summer. We were doing good in my opinion. This November came along and before that he was going out to California for a friends wedding. I myself bought him a ticket to come see me after I’m his way back, where his family would think he’s still in Cali, since they’re annyoing about where he goes. But before he even went, he broke up with me because he said he had a lot going on in his life, and didn’t want to be in a relationship. I was very angry this time that he wanted to leave me again, after being together again for a few months. I cried, begged and pleaded, on both texting and the phone. On the phone we both cried together and he stayed on it with me one last time, after that I begged and pleaded a few more times through text but then I had no choice but to just accept it. I told him okay I’ll agree to the break up, but I asked him to still come see me, as a friend and see what happens. He said he would try for sure. Came down to it and he said it would be too risky. I felt so let down and hurt. After he got back home, at first he told me, he thinks we should both just move on, but then he decided oh I don’t want to lose you,we texted back and forth for hours, he told me he didn’t want to lose me and that I deserve so much from him. We talked and decided to be friends u til we both work on ourselves. He told me he was going to come back to me a changed man. After this we texted for a few days.. but and then I couldn’t do it anymore, on social media I saw he was friending all these girls, and just being someone I didn’t recognize. And when he would text me it would feel like he was forcing himself to, just uninterested in our convo even after he said I can talk to him anytime I wanted and he’d be there for me. The last time I said to him was that he always just took me for granted and that we were done, I told him good luck to him, nothing left to talk about and he left me on read. I was the last to say something to him. After this I deleted him off all my social media expect Instagram. I posted good things, like my sisters wedding I went to, and the day after my birthday. This was when I started to lose hope. The day of my birthday was horrible. I looked out for his text, but nothing. Did I mention how he said he would “get me something nice” but really didn’t even have the nerve to wish me a hbd. This left me so upset that I deleted him off everything… I was very upset in him. The least he could’ve done was wish me a hbd. So rewininding to couple weeks, now Iran been 70 days of no contact. The only contact I made was decide to follow him on instgaram again, and he followed back. 70 days of not speaking to him! The other day I almost cracked and reached out to se show he has been, but I thought to myself, damn he didn’t even wish me a hbd back in December, if he wanted to talked to me or check up he could’ve used that day as an excuse. So I didn’t. But not one day goes by that I don’t think of him. I’m dying to hear from him. So I was reading this whole thing you’ve written but I don’t know if I should do it because I feel like it would be hard to see eachother again, he’s have to come to me and again I don’t rhink I want to randomly text him something funny or just random when again he couldn’t even reach out to wish me a happy birthday.. so ppl are telling me to wait for him to reach out, others are telling me to do it since I miss him so much. I’ve posted a few insta stories on my Instagram of me looking nice but no comments or anything yet… I haven’t posted a picture yet for him to like or get his attention though .. idk I’m lost. I just want him back. Can you help me? Give me some tips on what I should do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 4, 2019 at 9:29 pm

      Hi Sarah…My biggest tip for you to to make sure you ex recovery plan is being guided by a sensible Program and that is what my website, my ebooks, podcasts, and videos are all based. Quickly, as my time is so limited, it would advise bring an end to your NC as 70 days is long enough most likely. My program calls for you to reach out to him using a certain method. So check it out and and learn more!

  9. Avatar

    Kay

    February 3, 2019 at 1:00 am

    Hey, Chris,
    so I was in a LDR for over a year when my ex broke it off and I decided to NC right after. About two weeks in he was already dating someone else so I doubled NC to 60 days instead of 30. I found out recently that his new relationship is long distance as well and the new girl lives in a whole different country over two thousand miles away. While me and him were only 8 hours away. Do you think this will help my chances? Any tips?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 4, 2019 at 4:04 am

      Hi Kay…I know LDR can be hard in different ways. I came thru one and it worked out for me, but it requires more effort on part of the couple to navigate thru some of the challenges. I think NC is a reasonable way forward and make sure you understand the part of NC that deals with your on recovery/healing/ and growth as an individual.

  10. Avatar

    Rosie

    January 14, 2019 at 7:23 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My long distance boyfriend broke up with me last week. We met in the summer when I was teavelling in America, but didn’t have long together because I had to go home to England. We’d completely fallen for each other so decided to do long distance.
    Everything was great, we hated being apart but we talked everyday and started planning our future. But he was dealing with a lot of issues, from losing his job to suffering depression. He began to shut down and would go a week without talking to me, but he would always come back and explain and try work through everything with me. I thought we were in a good place until one day he stopped talking to me and didn’t come back. I didn’t hear from him for 6 weeks. Once he got back in touch he told me he couldn’t do it anymore because the distance was too hard. I had already booked to go over to visit him, and since my best friend lives in the same city as him, I decided to still go and simply asked if he would meet me to talk things through.
    Me agreed, but to my surprise, he started messaging me saying he missed me and how much he couldn’t wait to see me. We weren’t back on the same level where we started, but he was keeping me up to date about his days and often told me that he couldn’t wait for me to get there. He had been out of town with his family for Christmas break and he wouldn’t get back until the weekend, giving me a few days to hang out with my friend. He messaged me everyday asking if I was having fun and what I was up to, and saying he couldn’t wait to see me.
    It was her birthday while I was there, and on the Sunday night, we had a party. He told me he was going to drive back and come. It was a 13 hour drive so I wasn’t too surprised when he didn’t show, but I was just he hadn’t text me to let me know. The next morning I woke to a text saying he was sorry he couldn’t make it, so I asked him if he wanted to meet up today. He replied telling me he didn’t know how to tell me this, but he’d started seeing someone else.
    I was devastated, obviously. Be said it had happened recently but he couldn’t see me because he still has feelings for me. I didn’t have a place to stay for my full trip, and since it now looked like I couldn’t stay with him, I looked at a flight home. When I told him I was thinking of leaving, he asked if he could see me because he felt bad I’d come all this way, but my stubbornness kicked in and I realised I didn’t want to see him out of pity. I held off though and later that night , asked him to give me a reason to stay. He didn’t, so the next morning I flew home.
    I didn’t see it coming. I knew he’d been struggling with the distance but I thought he’d really been excited to see me. Everyone who saw us together had been completely shocked. They thought he’d panicked about seeing me again and then having to watch me leave again- it broke his heart the first time. I text him once I got home, basically wishing him well and saying goodbye. He text back saying he was sorry and he knows he messed up and he’s still crazy about me but the distance was too much. He said I have the biggest heart and deserve good things. I didn’t reply and unfollowed him on social media.
    But I want him back. He’s acted stupid and I’m so mad at him, but I can’t describe it, I know he’s the person I’m supposed to be with, and I think he knows it too. We both said we’d never clicked like this with anyone before. But after what he did, I don’t trust myself to know if he’s genuine. I think he is but I’ve been fooled before. And if so, how can I convince him that we’re worth fighting for? Especially if he’s seeing someone who lives close to him? I know he was happier with me, and I think from his messages that he wants me, but is scared of how we can have a future together when we’re so far apart. I’m losing my mind here, please could you give me some advice?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 15, 2019 at 4:30 am

      Right now what matters most is finding some sanity and peace and with that much needed healing. That should be your focus.

  11. Avatar

    Marie

    December 31, 2018 at 11:26 am

    M

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 31, 2018 at 3:26 pm

      Hi Marie….did you have a question?

  12. Avatar

    Marie

    December 31, 2018 at 12:23 am

    Hi! My ex broke up with me three months ago. This is the third time I tried the NC rule, the other two didn’t work since i contact him like a two weeks after starting it. He came to see me at the beggining of the month and we had an amazing weekend together. I thought that we were going to get back together because of all the things he did when we were together but I was wrong. He keeps saying he is not sure. Today is day 18th without saying a word to him. I’m really trying to mantain my mind busy doing excersices, watching movies, or going out but it is really hard, specially during Christmas. I do have a Christmas gift for him (silly me that I actually buy him a gift) and actually don’t know if I should send it to him or return it to the store.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 31, 2018 at 3:30 pm

      Hi Marie!

      I agree, the other times you probably contacted too soon not allowing for more time for all of the elements of NC to get some traction. Don’t be discouraged that you have not heard from him at day 18. NC periods can range from 30-45 days, but at the end of your NC period, my Program does call for you to reach out to him in a certain way. Have you picked up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, as it walks you through this post breakup period and the things you can do and how to think about all of this.

  13. Avatar

    San

    December 29, 2018 at 1:35 pm

    Hi Chris, so I did the no contact and texted yesterday saying “happy new year in advance “ he didn’t respond and I haven’t texted again, what do I do now??. Thank you

  14. Avatar

    Nana

    December 6, 2018 at 4:22 am

    Hi Chris, Me and boyfriend are already 5 months relationship and I always picking up fightss with him until this one day I told him if he not love me anymore, I give him permission to dump me. And he did.. I told him that I’m so emotional and sorry for picking up fights like that I told him I will be mature ( is this begging ?). I also told him that please rethink about he dump me. And then I start NC failed just in one day. I contact him and ask if he mad ? and willing to continue this relationship with me ? He said sure. He want to continue too.

    But my question is, is this okay ? what I meant am I will be in healthy relationship after this ? How can I spark back in my relationship with him ? Can I be ungettable girl at the same time having relationship with him ? Is it too late to make him chase me back ?HELP ME CHRIS T_T

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 6, 2018 at 11:38 pm

      Absolutely Nana…An Ungettable Girl is always in the mode of “becoming”. Just take things slow. Don’t put too many expectations on yourself or him. Try to have some positive moments together and build a foundation from there.

  15. Avatar

    Alice

    November 18, 2018 at 12:35 pm

    Hi Chris.

    My partner and I have been together 6 months and he just got offered this job two states away. I’m so broken up about it. We talked about going long distance but in the end, he doesn’t want to do it. He said he we can be friends, nothing more, and even if we tried long distance it would delay the inevitable. He’s also gone that he enjoys spending time with me, he cares about me but he can’t do it to me. I told him to stop thinking so negatively about it as honestly it’s a three hour plane ride and that’s it. The only thing different is where he lives. I don’t if I can do the no contact now as he’s leaving in less than 30 days. But I don’t want to lose him.

  16. Avatar

    Silly Bean

    November 16, 2018 at 6:59 pm

    Heya Chris, Thank you for this very informative and interesting page! I have been reading a lot of your articles, especially on the long distance relationship articles. I met my ex online through a mutual interest and we have a lot of things in common. He’s quite an impulsive person (Latin American, you know) and we had an argument via Whatsapp. Because he’s dealing with some personal issues (ex wife, kids etc.) and now started a new job our regular calls, video calls and texts have been difficult to schedule in the last week (time difference). I made the suggestion that he takes care of his things first because I also had a crappy week (work related) and just wished to speak to him but he couldn’t find time. I told him I needed ‘someone’ I could talk to. He completely got this the wrong way thinking I meant someone else other than him (duh!) I clarified that by saying that I needed him, not another person! So he responded with ‘sorry for creating too much stress in your life and that you feel I do not support you’ and ‘I’m not going to bother you again’. Before I could respond he blocked me on FB and Whatsapp. 4 days later I decided to write an SMS and apologized for what happened and that I feel terrible. Also tried to explain that I feel he misunderstood what I said. I told him I’ll be there for him anyway even if he decides not to talk to me again. So I tried to leave it on a positive note. Yesterday he responded by unblocking me on Whatsapp (I didn’t expect that!) where he thanked me for writing to him and that he hopes I’m ok. But he also said that he is sorting out his problems (‘like you told me’) and that he hopes I’ll find someone who supports and takes care of me.
    I haven’t responded to his message going into NC. I’d really like to get him back because it was such a silly situation and he misunderstood what I tried to convey. Should I stay in NC as described in your guide and ‘do me’? I ususally have no issues living my own awesome little life but what concerns me is that my social media options are very limited since I’m still blocked on his FB and he has no other social media accounts. Would updating my Whatsapp profile pictures (the doing me part) be enough? Any other suggestion perhaps? Thank you 🙂

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 18, 2018 at 7:40 pm

      Hi Silly Bean!

      Really cool name! Yes, doing you and being consistent within your NC is very important. Now if you get multiple positive responses, then you can reconsider breaking it and reaching out.

  17. Avatar

    Ann

    November 6, 2018 at 1:01 pm

    Hi Chris!
    I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 8 months. He already cheated on me thrice (talking/flirting to other girls in dating app and other social media). The last time he cheated on me was yesterday and I caught him. Instead of saying sorry or anything else, he is the one who get mad at me because he said that I did the same thing which is talking to my guy classmates related to school works (Engineering student). I explain a lot of times that its just education purpose and nothing less. I dont even last 5 mins talking to them. Now, I’m seeking some time and distance from him to think about things. Its so painful for me to be cheated for the third time. I also said to my self that if he will cheat for the third time I will leave him for good. But, he doesnt want me to have some time to think about things. He told me that if I wont message him tomorrow, we will be done. If I’m going to give him another chance, he might do it again. It may sound martir but I still love him and also want some respect on myself. Help me with this please.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 6, 2018 at 10:44 pm

      Hi Ann!

      Probably best to have an ex recovery plan in place. Have you considered my program?

  18. Avatar

    Jennifer

    October 22, 2018 at 12:25 pm

    Hey chris i was in a relationship for almost five years although two years of that I did long distance since he joined the army and we had been on and off ever since it’s been hard but on July his brother passed away and he came to town we were okay and were anxious on seeing each other but after he went back not even a week went by and he broke up with me because he said he felt like he couldn’t give me much attention like the one I begged from him and this was a day after he went to the movies “by himself” and I always told him I didn’t like that because I honestly didn’t believe him I guess I had trust issues of things he did in the past I got mad because he also didn’t answer my phone call he insisted that I always nagged on him and I get mad if he wouldn’t call me or text me back but that’s only because there was times he wouldn’t text me all day but I’ll see him online and I’ll catch him lying to me saying he was assleep which made me feel like if he lying about that was else is he hiding from me? He slowly started showing less interested in talking to me to the point he even admitted to me that sometimes he just wanted to get home from work and watch movies instead of talking to me because supposedly all I did was complain to him and he just wished he could just call me and we could talk about our day without me getting mad at him Anyway I wasn’t happy with the break up obviously and didn’t gave him space until I realized the long distance really just not working out for us so I stop texting him and shortly after he contacted me saying he missed me and that he thanked me for giving him time to realized he do wanna be with me this time i just wasn’t sure about the relationship nomore because he hurt me by doing all that in the first place so I didn’t gave in but honestly I wanted him all along I just didn’t wanted him to play with me again I just wanted to see him put in the effort like the one i had been putting when I was trying to get him back but I guess that just made him think about it again and instead we ended up deciding it’s better off like that and will see how things go when he comes back which is till Christmas and maybe seeing me again will change his mind because when we see each other everything is perfect it just all goes down hill once he leaves he did told me he wanted me but not the long distance relationship we had going on since he says he needs affection and to see me for it to work out so we just started talking like if we were together but not official for like a whole month then I realize he was talking to other girls and that made me feel upset and used because I’m like he wants to have me here but yet he can do whatever he wants and didn’t seem fair to me I confronted him about it first by saying I was “mad” because he didn’t call me this one night and added you probably talking to girls not knowing I had proof and he laughed saying I was cute for getting mad I guess he didn’t took me seriously because One of those nights he had texted me saying he was “mad” at me too for not calling him but then he said I’m not gonna lie I am talking to girls but I’m not about to get in a relationship because I don’t have time for that but we not together and i can basically do whatever i want and I’m not gonna stop you from doing what you want and then he said this is why I broke up with you because you start acting this way so back to now we haven’t talked ever since he told me he had to go and said he would call me back that night and never did so I called him and he didn’t answered and I texted him the next day and no reply and this was on the 7th of this month the thing is in that period of time he already posted two pictures with some other girl on Snapchat but before he did that he unfriended me I just found out by a friend soo I’m really confused did he do that because he don’t want me to see him with someone else because he still wants me and he don’t want to loose the chance or he just wants to hook up during Christmas and don’t want anything to be on the way because every time we talked he always brought up no matter what I’m gonna see you during christmas and we can start over forget about the past and see how things go from there and if it’s meant to be it will be and to be honest I told him I needed to see him so we can talk about it in person since all this happen through a phone and I feel like weather we end up together or not i need the closure but now I don’t get it it’s that a rebound or is he really moved on?? I don’t know if I should get back with him now if he tries to on Christmas or if I should even agree on seeing him or if he even plans too because honestly I feel like things aren’t going to change and he still has a whole year till he out the army should I have hope or just move on?? His mom really likes me and even called me saying she hopes everything okay between us and she really wanted me to marry his son (he would always tell her we were gonna get married) and my mom always bringing him up which is hard for me not to think about him everyday I know this is so much info and I really hope you give me a lil advice because I really do need it and I don’t tell anyone my stuff so I’ll be very much appreciated

  19. Avatar

    Sasha

    October 22, 2018 at 6:02 am

    Hi Chris,
    Sorry I’m bugging you. But I just had one more question. Day before yesterday, my ex was being very supportive and he was encouraging me to achieve my goals.Then the next day,I put a pic for status on WhatsApp.The pic was with my guy friend where I was pulling his ear.After seeing dat,he replied rudely and said dat I was looking very funny…I didn’t reply..I used jealousy tactics. Now my question is, is he being rude because he’s jealous?? Why is he being cold all of a sudden??Thank you so much Chris….

  20. Avatar

    Diana

    October 20, 2018 at 8:12 am

    Hey Chris,
    My boyfriend broke up with me today, but it wasn’t ugly. We had an argument 2 days ago, and we worked through all the problems and at the end of the argument he said he wanted to break up, which came as a shock to me since we went through all this effort to resolve the problems we had. We talked about things for a while (and shamefully, I did ask him not to break up with me, begged him even to reconsider) and we took a couple of days to figure out what we wanted. Today we briefly messaged, he confirmed he still wanted to break up and I agreed it was the right thing to do – though there is so much love still there between us, from both sides. We’ve only been together for 3 months, 2 of which have been long distance, but we already booked to see each other again. I’m in one continent and he’s in another, so we booked to meet midway in Europe, but since we’re broken up and the trip is in less than 3 weeks, I don’t think he’ll be coming. Also, the reason we broke up is because we’re at odds over his best friend (who lives in the same country as me) who has been really nasty to me. Honestly, I just pushed too hard for him to be on my side and that pushed him away. I see that now but the rest of our relationship has been amazing, and I do want some time but I absolutely want him back. He’s been incredibly civil since the initial break up and now the official one, and he’s been messaging me almost like normal but I knew today his mind was set on a break up. I just read all this article, and I’m about to start NC. I Just wanted to know if you think this is going to work in my situation. I don’t want him to forget about me. Is there any chance that NC will result in him feeling like breaking up was the right decision? Because I know he’ll message from time to time asking how I am and what i’m up to, and I know he’ll mean it sincerely too. I don’t want to hurt him by not answering and then popping up after 30 days. Will NC work for me in this situation?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 22, 2018 at 4:14 am

      Hi Diana!

      I am so sorry you are having to go thru a breakup. I know it all feels weird and strange and new and raw. Giving each other space is a good thing.Sometimes its best to give each other more space than you think. My recommendations for no contact range from 14 to 45 days. Every situation is different. Feel free in giving your ex a heads up that you need some quiet time for yourself and will be out pocket for a spell. I recommend you take a serious look at picking up one of my eBooks that deal with the ex recovery process which you can find on my Home Page of this site!

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