Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

So, you want to know exactly what your ex boyfriend is thinking about during the no contact rule, do ya?

I’ll admit that lately this has been a very popular topic for the Private Facebook Group.

You know, it’s been really amazing seeing hundreds of women communicate in our group about their breakups. I pick up on all sorts of perspectives that I never would have thought of by myself before.

For example, one of the things that has become clear is that men react very differently to the no contact rule.

One woman can use the no contact rule on her ex and get messages like this,

Where another woman can use it and get nothing from her ex.

But in my half decade of advising women on how to get their exes back there is one thing I have learned about the no contact rule that no one out there ever talks about. It isn’t so much the panicky text messages that you get from your ex during the no contact rule that matter it’s whats going on inside of that head of his!

That’s where this article is going to come into play.

I am going to tell you EXACTLY what’s going on inside of an ex boyfriends mind during the no contact rule by using facts… pure unadulterated facts.

Wait… How Are You Going To Use Facts?

The more and more I sit back and think about what I have over the rest of my competition out there it’s numbers and successes.

I am willing to pit my numbers, experience and successes over any one of my competitors out there.

What’s the big advantage here?

Well, since I have had so many success stories in my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery (and actually interviewed the women with them here, here and here) I have noticed something pretty darn cool. The women who get their exes back ask them about their time during the no contact rule so they gain the ultimate insight into what their men were actually thinking.

After they have gained that insight they actually report back to me (because they are happy they got him back.)

Do you see where I am going here?

I am going to piggyback off of the successful women who have heard what their exes are actually thinking during the no contact rule and let you in on all of the secrets.

In other words, you are going to get insight into your own man by hearing what real men are thinking during the no contact rule.

Oh, and since I am a man I am going to throw in a few of my very own insights.

Sound good?

Let’s begin!

Thought #1: She Has To Contact Me First

Out of all the thoughts I am going to let you in on today this is the one that resonates with me the most.

Why?

Well, I actually have personal experience with this.

This was the exact thought that I had during my very first breakup.

I literally remember thinking,

There is no way I am going to message here or think about talking to her. She is going to have to talk to me first.

And that’s exactly what happened.

She reached out to me first and it just fed into my ego that “I was winning the breakup.”

It wasn’t until later that I realized that me “winning” also meant that I had lost attraction for her.

You see, I am sure if you were to ask me while I was going through that breakup if I would ever consider taking her back I would have said yes.

In fact, I seem to recall a time where I literally thought to myself,

I bet if I really tried to get her back I could… But she’s going to have to contact me first.

And then it happened.

One day my phone buzzed…

I picked it up…

And lo and behold I got this text,

In that moment I truly felt like I could get her back whenever I wanted and in that moment I felt I had no desire to get her back anymore.

Why?

Well, there was no challenge to it.

Besides, we had a very tough relationship and it was just enough headwind to not make me take any action to rectify things.

Of course, this is a personal story from me. So, how do I know that this is a reaction other men will have outside of me?

Well, I’d like to turn your attention to “Kelly’s” ex boyfriend below,

A bit of background on this one.

Kelly is actually a part of our Private Facebook Group and she didn’t hear from her ex at all during the no contact rule. So, naturally she was wondering what he was thinking and I eventually told her the story I just told you.

This is what she had to say after she got him back and asked him what he was thinking,

I’m back with him because he said he was too stubborn but he had been waiting to hear from me and he missed me and he wanted it all to work out.

This is real proof.

Not just some story I made up.

This is a real reaction from a real man when the no contact rule is being done to him.

Thought #2: Why Isn’t She Contacting Me?

Close your eyes and imagine something for a minute for me.

You and your ex go through a really horrible breakup.

(Wait… that probably already happened.)

Anyways, you go through this really rough breakup and decide that you are going to do the no contact rule on him.

Of course, your ex is of the mind that the two of you should be “friends” so he reaches out a few days after the breakup with a text message like this,

Pretty basic message, right?

So, in his head he’s thinking that you are going to respond within a few minutes of him sending that text to you.

There’s just one little hiccup in his plan.

He doesn’t have the slightest idea that you are in the midst of a no contact period and when your response doesn’t come he starts to panic and sends something like this,

You see, he figures that if he acts caring towards you that you are going to break down and respond to him. Of course, since you are incredibly intelligent you decide to ride things out in the no contact rule by not responding to him.

Of course, when that happens he gets a little angry by the fact that you couldn’t acknowledge “how nice he was being to you.”

That’s when you start getting text messages like these,

Do you see the progression?

How it starts off innocent and then slowly but surely evolves into anger by the fact that you are ignoring him.

It’s at this point where one singular thought is going to dominate,

Wait… why isn’t she contacting me or responding?

Now, before I started down this path I made a solemn vow.

My Vow = Every thought that I claim a man has during the no contact rule has to be backed up by real reactions by real men.

Well, I’d like to introduce you to Kathy!

Kathy is one of the most active members in the Private Facebook Group and shes obviously dead set on getting her ex back.

Would you like to see the results Kathy is getting with the no contact rule?

Well, this is a post she recently posted to the Facebook Group,

Now, here’s a bit of context.

Kathy has been in the no contact rule for about two weeks at this point and you can see how he’s totally breaking down by the fact that she isn’t responding to him,

  • She has gotten 8 phone calls from him
  • Out of those 8 phone calls he has left 4 voicemails
  • She has also gotten a lot of text messages scattered throughout the day

So, why would her ex boyfriend act this crazy?

Well, let’s think about things from his perspective for a moment.

During his relationship with Kathy the two of them got into a certain routine.

He would text her…

She would text him back…

He would text her back…

And so on and so forth.

Now, here is the crazy part. Kathy told me that this routine actually continued after the two of them broke up.

It’s really strange, I have never had a breakup like this before. It’s almost like we are still dating but without the “official title.”

It was at this point that we advised Kathy to enter into a no contact rule and that’s when the fireworks began.

You see, by implementing the no contact rule on her ex Kathy has essentially interrupted the pattern that he had grown so accustomed to.

Instead of having his normal responses he is literally sitting there thinking,

Why isn’t she responding to me?

And this singular thought is motivating him enough to try to do everything in his power to get her to respond.

Thought #3: Shes Not Reaching Out To Me… Good! I Wasn’t Going To Get Back With Her Anyways

For many of you this is your ultimate nightmare but I am going to show you something that is going to completely re-frame the way you look at a man who has this thought.

But before I do that let’s talk a little bit about the state of mind a man is in who is thinking this.

So, the complete thought is,

She’s not reaching out to me…. GOOD! I wasn’t going to get back with her anyways.

This almost has an immature tone to it, doesn’t it?

For example, because you ignored your ex he is going to say/think something to limit his potential future (being with you.)

In other words, it is a reaction to the fact that he isn’t getting his way.

Anger is what usually sparks these kind of thoughts.

Think back to your relationship now.

…..

…….

Are you there?

Yes?

Good!

Ok, let me ask you a question.

Did your ex boyfriend ever say that he hated you or that the two of you would never be together again during your breakup?

Well, chances are that he said that during a moment of pure anger.

I mean, I don’t know many things that are as painful or angering as a breakup.

Do you?

Of course, when I try to explain to women that their ex boyfriends don’t necessarily mean what they are saying when they say they hate you, they are simply reacting to the emotions that they are feeling in that moment, it doesn’t seem to get through their heads.

Which is why I would like to introduce you to Sarah Michelle!

Now, Sarah Michelle has a bit of an interesting story.

You see, I first met Sarah Michelle on one of my Facebook Lives within the private facebook group.

(If you didn’t already know I do Facebook Lives in the group three days a week: Monday, Wednesday and Friday!)

At the time she asked her question I was really into watching another very popular “Sarah Michelle,”

Yep, Sarah Michelle Gellar (AKA: Buffy The Vampire Slayer.)

Now, if you are new to this site then one thing that you are going to learn about me very quickly is that there are two television shows that I love above all!

Show #1: Game of Thrones

Show #2: Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Anyways, I jokingly started referring to Sarah Michelle in the group as Buffy and the name kind of stuck.

Now, let’s fast forward a month to when we receive this fun little post in the group,

So, not only did she find a way to get her ex back but she is actually engaged to him know.

Buffy got game!

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Umm… What the hell does this even have to do with him saying that he isn’t interested in me?

Well, when I actually interviewed buffy about her success she said something that I thought was incredibly telling.

It was just so out of nowhere and I see all this girls on like the Facebook live, like their ex tells them, “I don’t love you anymore” like, “You’re too much” like, “We’re never going to be together again,” I heard all those things, all of them.

 

I heard every single one of those things come out of his mouth. When it came down to it, I found out he didn’t mean any of it, none of it. And I think that’s the hardest thing to comprehend, when you’re going through it because I feel a lot of the girls like in the Facebook page, all the guys say that and like when you hear it, like you just don’t understand at all.

Interesting, eh?

So, what Buffy is saying here is that her ex basically gave her all the common breakup excuses that you hear out there but when push came to shove she found out that he didn’t mean any of them.

And I have to say that this is a common trend I see time and time again.

So, while you may initially think it’s the end of the world if your ex has this thought that he isn’t going to take you back I am here to tell you that it’s not the end of the world.

Thought #4: I Am Going To Win This Breakup

I want to switch gears for a moment here and talk a little bit about thoughts I have had during my actual self imposed no contact rules during breakups.

You see, the way I figure it is that statistically speaking if I am having a thought during a no contact period other men are bound to have the same exact thoughts.

Sure, there may be a few exceptions here and there who don’t think the same ways that I do but generally speaking I serve as a pretty good litmus test.

Now, the thing you have to understand about me (and other men) is the fact that some of us like to view breakups as a competition.

Such a male thing to do… I know.

And like with any good competition there is a winner and a loser.

I think it’s important to define what the winner and the loser of a breakup are.

Winner = The person who makes their significant other fawn after them and regret their decision.

 

Loser = The person who fawns over their significant other and regrets their decision.

During my very first breakup I remember very clearly having this exact mindset.

I was going to do everything I possibly could to “win” the breakup or die trying.

Of course, that’s when an idea sparked in my head. Care to take a guess at what that idea was?

Go ahead and reference thought #1 in this article.

….

…….

……….

Done referencing?

That was my idea.

Isn’t it interesting how there is a strange synergy between thought #4 and thought #1.

If I hadn’t set out to “win the breakup” I wouldn’t have ever thought to “make her contact me first.”

Now, I am not one for making bold statements without having statistical proof to back them up. However, if I was a betting man I think I’d end up getting rich off of betting on the fact that most men will seek to “win the breakup” after they go through one.

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Why the heck does this even matter?

Well, I think it’s important to understand this mindset because it will springboard a man to have so many other thoughts during the no contact rule.

Take my example above.

I probably wouldn’t have ever thought of waiting until my ex contacted me first if I wasn’t trying to “win the breakup.”

I mean, there are so many different analogies I can draw from to prove this point.

Take any professional athlete, a profession where you get paid based on your ability to compete.

These men and women will do anything to win at their sport.

Heck, some of them take it so seriously that they cheat by using PED’s like steroids.

The important thing to remember here is that competition drives them to do it.

And a man with the mindset that he is going to “win the breakup” is essentially turning things into a competition and that means you can expect some crazy behavior from him.

Keep that in mind!

Thought #5: I’ve Lost Her Forever

I want to save the best for last!

Out of every single thought I have mentioned in this article this is the thought that you absolutely want your ex boyfriend to have.

But more on that in a second.

Yesterday I was interviewing Anna from our Facebook group.

If you didn’t already know, Anna is one of our superstar members who got her ex back,

Anyways, Anna was nice enough to agree to an interview with me where I got to pick her brain about how she used my system to get her ex back.

And during this interview she said something that really fascinated me,

“You know Chris… I asked him that if I hadn’t of reached out to him after the no contact rule if we would still be together and he said no.”

Now, this fascinates me because this isn’t actually the first time I have heard this from a woman who has gotten her ex back.

In fact, I have been hearing variations of this type of response from ex boyfriends.

So, what does it mean?

Well, at the core it means that they had hit that point where they were wanting to hear from their exes (you) but had mentally prepared themselves to move on.

Now, maybe this isn’t a revolutionary insight but I actually think it is.

I mean, it’s at the point where your ex gives up on you that you can actually have a lot of success at shifting things in your favor.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that almost every success story that I have talked to in person has repeated this insight from their exes.

Now, why do you think that is?

Well, I think it has a lot to do with “the unexpected.”

Let’s take a walk around in your exes shoes for a minute.

So, your ex hits this point in his mind where he literally thinks to himself,

I have lost her forever…

Therefore his paradigm has shifted and he has literally convinced himself of this.

(PAUSE)

I think it’s important for me to remind you that you are in the midst of a no contact rule at this point.

(UNPAUSE)

After your no contact rule is finished you send your ex the following text message,

Now, this is completely unexpected to him.

Why?

Because he has literally convinced himself that he has no chance with you ever again and this text is a ray of hope.

In other words, it’s unexpected and that makes it even more powerful than it would have originally been.

March 10, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (73)

  1. Jasmine - 0

    Jasmine

    Hello, (I have post a question to another thread as well, but this article seemed more relevant to my situation). I understand that it’s good that my boyfriend thinks that he has lost me, but I have a question. My NC is about to be over and I have improved.
    How can I send an upbeat first-contact message after ignoring a bunch of texts from him asking me why I don’t want to talk to him anymore? Especially after we have broken up in good terms? Wouldn’t it seem absurd to act like I haven’t been ignoring him for weeks? Thanks for the help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just tell him sorry,you got really busy in the past month with a lot of new things and then a smiley at the end.. if he replies, reply and then end the convo..initiate again with a new topic after 3 days..

  2. Jane - 0

    Jane

    I dated a guy for a month and things were going great. Then we had a really silly argument and he ended up not talking to me for over a month. We managed to sort things out one night but then he told me that he had met someone whilst we were on a break but it wasn’t serious yet so he wanted to continue seeing me as well as her. I told him to take a run and jump. Stupid thing is I still care for him and want to know if there is any hope for us?

    Reply
  3. Katherine - 0

    Katherine

    I have broken the nc rule twice: 1st time he texted me on day two of my nc, asking how I was. I didn’t want to come off as a bitch and ignore him when he was asking how I was. The 2nd time I had been doing nc for a week but then he texted me about the money he owed me, so I had to text back because that’s important. He’s the one that’s been initiating the text messages. The first time I broke nc we had a good positive conversation over text but I cut it short, told him I was going to bed and said thanks for thinking of me. Then a week later if me doing nc for the 2nd time he asked if I had a paypal so he could pay me the money he owes me. I told him that it would be easier if I got it in cash and I offered my mom, me or someone else to pick up the money, I said “whatever you’re comfortable with.” (This was me trying to seem more in control of the situation) He didn’t reply so I sent another text saying “or PayPal if you want to do that” then proceeded to explain to him, in the same text, that he should call fpl to get my name off the bill. He replied with “ok” 20 minutes later. Then I said “just let me know what you decide”. Because he never gave me an answer for how he wants to give me my money. He has not replied. What do you think he’s thinking? Does he seem stand off-ish? Does it seem like he doesn’t want to see me at all?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi katherine,

      it’s ok to talk about money but only keep it about that.. if you didn’t improve yourself in the past days too, you have to restart count and do that and be active in posting..

  4. Jane - 0

    Jane

    I dated a guy for a month and things were going great. Then we had a really silly argument and he ended up not talking to me for over a month. We managed to sort things out one night but then he told me that he had met someone whilst we were on a break but it wasn’t serious yet so he wanted to continue seeing me as well as her. I told him to take a run and jump. Stupid thing is I still care for him and want to know if there is any hope for us?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      if you want a restart, take it slow on building rapport..if you didn’t improve the past month, do that first..

  5. Kirsty - 0

    Kirsty

    Hi guys . I was with my ex for 2 months not long I know but we had so much in common and we was both crazy he broke up with me because he wasn’t ready for something serious . I’m trying so hard not to contact him because he ment so much to me . He says he stills has feelings just not ready . He always in my head we was really good . I’ve had nothing but bad relationships . I don’t want to give up on him . Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kirsty,

      are you improving yourself and are you active in posting in social media?

  6. Manda - 0

    Manda

    So to make my story short my boyfriend broke up with me after 8 almost 9 years of being together( we had been together since i was 16) we have been broken up for almost a month. I am not going to lie the first week i was begging him to get back with me and he didnt even budge. He texted me 4 days early to wish me happy birthday knowing damn well it wasnt my birthday.
    Finally after a week i stopped trying to contact him and i am proud to say that i havent contacted him in almost 2 weeks. We still see each other like twice a week because we are involved in the same activities but i dont speak one word to him. He even talks to my brother , they were friends before we started dating. About a week ago my friend made a comment about me missing my dogs and he replied ” oh she doesnt miss me ”
    What should i take from this break up ?
    Is there a chance that we could be back together ? or should i just let it go ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Manda,

      why did you break up?

    • Manda - 0

      Manda

      When we initially broke up he stated that he just wasn’t happy & felt that we had been arguing too much. He wanted some time to his self and felt like we were just going through the motions. Then the first week before I started the NC I asked him if he loved me , he said of course but he doesn’t know if I’m the one he wants to be with.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      oh no, you have to restart the count of nc after you asked him

    • MANDA - 0

      MANDA

      I did start the NC after I asked him, its been a little over 3 weeks since we have talked. He has reached out to me about our relationship or anything but he still look at my social media (snapchat ) what should i do ? continue no contact ? is there a chance ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      initiate after nc..check this one:
      EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

  7. Pam - 0

    Pam

    You cannot send an innocuous text like that even after no contact period if it ended badly and terrible things were said.

    Reply
  8. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    My ex broke up with me 3 months ago and I think the problems can be fixed but he said he was less interested in moving forward and he did not like me that way anymore. We were in a relationship for almost 2 years. I started to do a no contact rule when we broke up for 1 month. I thought he would never contact me because his face looked so serious and unhappy when we met up last two times. I just focus on myself and go to the gym often, try to get high marks on courses. He did not contact me during the NC period. However, after 45 days, he just contacted me and asked hows everything going. He was different from before. He was trying to look for topics ( only I was looking for topics after the breakup.) Also, his replies were very long. Then I just told him I was preparing for my test and I would talk to him later.
    It has been one week since we texted each other. I do not know whether I should contact him and what he wants to do. I saw some pictures of his and realized that he went to a party at a weekend with a girl before he texted me. I noticed the girl before. They met each other during their internship but the girl’s internship was over last December. I saw him text her when we were still in a relationship but I did not overthink about it. The girl became friends with one of his best friends and his sister on facebook in January ( around 1 month after we broke up). I saw two pictures of them. One is he put his hand on her lower back or waist. Their costumes were kinda like couple costumes. They both were wearing lab coats (to meet the party requirement). The other photo is that they were just sitting together and their hands were put on themselves. The girl was leaning towards him but he did not do anything. In other photos, I just saw him alone with his other friends.
    He admitted we were happy together but he was becoming less happy as we experienced everything together already. I guess, at that time, I was busy with my school but he was doing his internship (he had more free time), I forgot to put in efforts to maintain our relationship. Two months before we broke up, in my birthday gift card, he said I was a wonderful girlfriend. In the 2016 summer, his best friend also told me that my ex thinks I was really nice compared with his last relationship, and the friend could tell my ex was really happy at that time.
    I am so confused right now. I do not know whether I should contact him and what he wants to do. Sometimes, I would like to contact him but sometimes I am also scared and tell myself it’s wise to move on. I guess it is because he was too determined when we broke up and what he said really hurts me. He never mentioned any problem between us or discuss anything with me before he said the breakup. It was too sudden for me at that time.
    What should I do now? Could you give me some suggestions? I am so confused right now.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      yes, you should initiate to build rapport.. What’s more important is that you end the conversations and at high point and that you continue to improve yourself.

  9. Rachel - 0

    Rachel

    Hi there. I love your articles and would really appreciate it if you could read this. Thanks

    Me and this guy were seeing each other for 2 months. It’s fairly short in comparison to some others but I definitely had feelings for him.

    I was his first girlfriend and apparently he had commitment issues and the longest he ever dated a girl was 2 weeks. We got on great. We had amazing conversations, the chemistry between us was great. He made me so happy and as time went on I started to really like him. And naturally I told him I liked him alot as you do in relationships.

    Two days ago he invited me out for coffee and proceeded to tell me that he didn’t feel the same way I felt about him and was breaking up with me. I was so shocked, I thought the feeling was mutual and believed we were genuinely happy together. We had never fought before and for him to say it out of the blue was the greatest shock to my system.

    I did my best to remain calm while he dumped me and asked him why. He said he didnt like me as much as I liked him. He also said it was his first relationship and this was almost a “tutorial” for him. He also believed that he wants someone more like him because we were too different. I asked him could we at least be friends when we were both ready and he said of course.

    I text him two hours later asking was there any chance we’d get back together and he said no. I travel with him and two mutual friends to college which is a 2 hour drive on Fridays and Sundays.

    My question is:
    1) How will I maintain the no contact rule if is have to travel with him and…
    2) Is there any chance I’ll get him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel
      try at least 21 days..just be civil with him when you see him.. don’t initiate feelings nor relationship talks. If he does, tell him he doesn’t have to worry, you understand now..be very active in your life..improve yourself

  10. Rachel - 0

    Rachel

    Hi there I love your articles so much and if you’ve the time to read this I’d appreciate it. Thanks you.
    Me and this guy were seeing each other for 2 months. As soon as we met we started dating. I know it’s a fairly short time in comparison to some others but I definitely had feelings for him. I was his first girlfriend and apparently he had commitment issues and the longest he ever dated a girl was 2 weeks. We got on great. We had amazing conversations, the chemistry between us was great and we never had an argument. He made me so happy and as time went on I started to really like him.
    Two days ago he invited me out for coffee and proceeded to tell me that he didn’t feel the same way I felt about him and was breaking up with me. I was so shocked, I thought the feeling was mutual and believed we were genuinely happy together. We had never fought before and for him to say it out of the blue.
    I did my best to remain calm while he dumped me and asked him why. He said he didnt like as much as I liked him. He also said it was his first relationship and this was almost a tutorial for him. He also believed that he wants someone more like him because we were too different. I text him later that day asking was there any chance we’d get back together and he said no. I travel with him and two mutual friends to college which is a 2 hour drive on Fridays and Sundays.
    My question is, how will I maintain the no contact rule if is have to travel with him and is there any chance I’ll get him back

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel
      try at least 21 days..just be civil with him when you see him.. don’t initiate feelings nor relationship talks. If he does, tell him he doesn’t have to worry, you understand now..be very active in your life..improve yourself

  11. Rachel - 0

    Rachel

    Me and this guy were seeing each other for 2 months. It’s fairly short in comparison to some others but I definitely had feelings for him. I was his first girlfriend and apparently he had commitment issuespecially nd the longest he ever dated a girl was 2 weeks. We got on great. We had amazing conversations, the chemistry between us was great. He made me so happy and as time went on I started to really like him.
    Two days ago he invited me out for coffee and proceeded to tell me that he didn’t feel the same way I felt about him and was breaking up with me. I was so shocked, I thought the feeling was mutual and believed we were genuinely happy together. We had never fought before and for him to say it out of the blue.
    I did my best to remain calm while he dumped me and asked him why. He said he didnt like ne as much. He also said it was his first relationship and this was almost a tutorial for him. He also believed that he wants someone more like him because we were too different. I text him later that day asking was there any chance we’d get back together and he said no. I travel with him and two mutual friends to college which is a 2 hour drive on Fridaysale and Sundays.
    My question is, how will I maintain the no contact rule if is have to travel with him and is there any chance I’ll get him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel
      try at least 21 days..just be civil with him when you see him.. don’t initiate feelings nor relationship talks. If he does, tell him he doesn’t have to worry, you understand now..be very active in your life..improve yourself

  12. Angel - 0

    Angel

    Hi,
    So my bf and I have a 6month old together. Been together for almost 2years. He broke up with me a week ago over email & then phone (i called him after receiving the email) He was very mean and heartless about it. After him saying some pretty hurtful stuff, I told him I didnt agree with his decision to break up He said “look I love you but I dont want to be with you” Weve had a rough relationship the past year. Petty fights/arguments, he hates dealing with things, im emotional.. Ect. Anyway, im just a little confused on how he can end things like that, still hasnt reached out to me and is off doing his own thing already( its only been a week). Just two days before he dumped me, we went on a date. He kept saying how beautiful I looked, how hes so lucky to have me, no matter what he can’t live without me. Ect.. Do you think he really doesnt care & hes really just done with me? His actions right now have me thinking hes done, isnt upset and doesnt care about me or our child. & yes I did send him an angry email, along with one saying I will accept his decision to split but that I still love him. He didn’t respond to either. Its been day 5 of NC for me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Angel,

      maybe he just said that out of emotions.. right now what’s more important is that you heal and improve

  13. Nazli - 0

    Nazli

    Hello, thanks to chris and his great team. Articles are so clear, complete and supportive.

    So, I need your advice and help in my situation.
    We were together about 3 years, and he propose me one year ago, so I said yes because I love him so much and I believed in his love too. we had lots of fights and we broke up 2 months ago.
    I didn’t want the idea of breaking up and trying to talking to him so much and told him we can fix things up (kind of needy, right ?) but he thinks it’s the best choice.
    I tried to respect him and I guess I was successful to be a good person in his mind !
    he didn’t block me and he respond to me so kind.
    But he didn’t want to get back.
    So I decide to listen to you and go on No Contact. (its a little less than one month and I choose 45 days)
    So I didn’t congratulate his birthday, it was the hardest part for me to live him alone ! And what happened ? he tried to make me jealous !! and he shared a love song about me on his social network too. everyone said his still in love with me. I said yeeees the no contact works…
    but when his friends trying to talk about me to him, he says he can’t talk about me because he is so emotional and breakup just happened but everything ends between us and he will never come back because of bad conditions and etc. (It’s all his words)
    he gave all his attention to his job. (he was not a co-worker)
    Still one another time I feel he trying to get my attention with love-breakup songs and his attribute, I guess !!
    But now, I decided to wait him to do the first move and at least texting me because :
    1. I afraid to hear no again !
    2. I think he have to improve himself as I improving myself and made his decision !
    3. I didn’t want those fight days again !
    4. I saw my wrongs and trying to fix them and get more happy and more healthy, and I need time for myself !
    (And about RP, sometimes it worked on him but a little times its not !)
    Sorry it was too long but I want to hear your advice and tips. To be honest, I afraid of losing him forever. thanks for everything and your time. you are great.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nazli,

      it’s ok to be afraid, that’s natural but you have to accept that risk because if you dont, you’ll be desperate.. anyways, it’s important to initiate after nc but if you want to give it more time tosee if he would imprive, it’s ok to extend nc..

  14. Stacey lee - 0

    Stacey lee

    Hi there. I love your articles. I really understand the psychology of it all and so I agree that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I do however need a little advice on my scenario.
    Here it goes:

    We’ve generally had a good relationship. We’ve been dating since high school and get along really well. But in the past two years… We both had financial issues which put strain on our relationship. I realize that it was the money that caused the unhappiness… But he thinks he was unhappy because of me. So he broke up with me. I decided to stay friends just because we get along really well… But now I’m day 4 into the no contact rule. And he has texted me random stuff twice about our friends baby and some natural disaster in our country. He is being friendly. His not a bad guy and so I feel like a bitch for ignoring him. But I do want him back. Should I respond. Or just keep ignoring him. I mean… I am trying to show him that if he was so happy without me, why is he still texting me… HELP.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Stacey,

      nope..stick to no contact, be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media..

  15. Emery - 0

    Emery

    Hello so my ex and I broke up. Two weeks ago I went to the club and his best friends spotted me. Once I got home I got a text from my ex telling me “you went again smh you really go out every weekend ” I did not respond but he has not tried contacting me again. I’ve been improving myself and determined to not contact him but I’m wondering if he will contact me again? I miss him but being strong about it.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emery,

      it’s ok if he doesn’t message you again.. You can initiate contact after nc.. what’s more important is how much you improve now..

  16. Rickie - 0

    Rickie

    Hi!
    So my boyfriend broke up with me about a month and a week ago. I was being desperate and texting a lot and begging him to be with me for about a month. He would say sweet things to me sometimes, like he misses the relationship and he loves going to the movies with me, but when I would get upset about the break up and I would be talking to him he would get angry at me and wouldn’t be very nice. After a month of this back and forth I found your articles and just decided to do the no contact thing. His reasons for breaking up with me would always change and he even said he was confused on what todo a week after our break up. For about 3 weeks now though, he’s been saying he never wants to get back together and doesn’t see a future, and we can’t be friends because it’s to painful, but get this… he still wants me to feel free to talk to him and tell him how I’m doing because he’s “always their for me.” It’s been 11 days now of no contact. The last time I talked to him I texted him that I was sad, and he didn’t respond until hours later by calling me on the phone. He called to “make sure I was ok” but I was out with friends and that’s what I told him when he asked. I cut the convo short and told him not to worry about me. After that day I started no contact. I’m constantly having thoughts that maybe he really never wants to be with me, because he hasn’t tried talking to me once since. I’m doing really well for myself in the mean time, but I still have these weak moments. I guess I’m asking, do you think there’s a chance of him missing me and wanting me back? I don’t understand this break up because it was so abrupt! The night before we broke up he was talking about planning a vacation! It came out of nowhere after a stupid argument! Also, if he doesn’t text me because he’s to stubborn or proud or is the “I’ve lost her forever” guy, then do I message him first after a full 30 days?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rickie,

      If he’s back and forth, then there’s a chance he will be back again.. but for now, leverage nc by improving yourself..

  17. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Did 21 day NC, sent a “I have a confession” text, got one word response, I messed up and sent angry mean texts, became a gnat, he blocked me

    What do i do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane..

      oh no…how many times have you done nc?

  18. Louise - 0

    Louise

    Hi,
    My ex and I broke up about a week ago, we lived together and had a dog (he’s kept the dog) he’s moved out but hasn’t fully got his things. He is collecting them tomorrow. Up until this point we’ve still been contacting eachother about the things he’s left. He also contacted me to talk about his family problems, which turned into talking about our relationship (resulting in me telling him what I hoped for rather then a break up, with a lot of crying – I didn’t beg for him though, promise ha) we have spoken again about his things a few times but the conversation usually turns to day to day things and his family problems.
    Have I gone too far to start a no contact by telling him he can contact me about his family?
    I didn’t want to break up, and we have previously (once seriously where I moved out and once where he didn’t have a large amount of space and he were back together the next day – I see it as just a big argument) due to things such as stress through, my dad passing away, loosing jobs, a failed move away and having to live back with my mum (all in a year and a half relationship!) he said to me that ‘too much has happened [with us]’ however I see these things as contributing factors not things that are ‘problems’ in our relationship. I see too much happening as cheating or lack of love etc (he has told me he loves me still and that’s not the problem) my other question is, has too much happened? As well as this, he says that he’s returned to ex’s before and will NEVER do it again because it never works,.. I of course disagree. What’s your take on this?
    Thank you for reading x

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Louise,

      I think there’s still a chance but he can’t talk to you about family during nc.. if its about things, it has to be strictly about that only…

  19. Bryanne - 0

    Bryanne

    I have been doing no contact except for when he needs his things. He keeps texting me and today finally he said “this has been tough on me and I’ve been praying for a sign.” Then he said, “I’m getting my things today and it will have to be short and I have to say goodbye for good.” What do I do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bryanne,
      be civil, look good and just continue on in nc and improving yourself..he’s just testing how you would react

  20. Teah - 0

    Teah

    How will NC work if he claims there’s someone else? Wouldn’t the time apart just drive him into her arms even more?

    Reply
  21. Natalia Reszka - 0

    Natalia Reszka

    Hi to the whole team,
    My ex decided to finish our relationship one month ago. We were together almost 2 years, from which last 1.5 year we were in LDR. Half year ago he decided to move closer to my place of living and now he lives 6 hours drive from my city. The main problem in our relationship were fights about my controlling nature and lack of trust. He started lying to me about small stuff actually, cause he was afraid I’ll make a huge fight about it, then I was finding out about a lie and I was making a fight anyway. It was just like a loop – my luck of trust and his fear about my reactions were growing with every fight. We both were making mistakes cause we were afraid to lost each other, what actually brought us to the end of relationship. We had many plans together, including me moving to his city in next few months. In other aspects of relationship and lifestyle we were completely matched. We both invested so many feelings in this relationship. Thats why its hard for me to just accept this situation. He didnt planned a breakup, it happened during a phone call, we had a small argument about trip plans which didnt work out and something broke up inside him, he said he cant like this anymore, we keep fighting, he is unhappy and he doesnt want to continue this relationship. I was trying to convince him for hours, but it didnt work out. I gave him one week off and I decided to see with him face to face. I came to his city and we had another long talk. He said he thinks he did a right thing and he doesnt see a chance for us. We both were crying and hugging each other for hours, it was kinda ‘I gave up’ breakup, he wasnt even angry, he seemed very sad, resigned and tired. He wanted us to stay friends, he asked can he still txt me and I said that for sure not now, maybe in few weeks from now. He said he will give me as much time as I need. I started the no contact rule day after (what means I’m now on 21st day of NC period). During last weeks I’ve read EX BF REC PRO book, articles on the site. I improved myself – I started driving lessons, meet up with friends a lot, had a trip outside the country, did many funny, new things, stepped out from my comfort zone many times, I’m taking care of my look and of course I’m actively posting everything on social media. It looks like I really moved on and enjoying my life to the fullest. He is ignoring all my posts (normally he was liking almost every each one), he didnt txt me at all during the NC time. He is medicine student (27yo) surrounded by a group of new friends, also students, so he has got a lot of possibilities to go out and do many activities which helps him to move on and unfortunatelly what also may help him to meet a new girl really quickly. That’s also the reason why – I think – he didnt decide to txt yet. He is just busy with new friends. Maybe he is even happy that it looks like I moved on and he thinks this way will be better for both of us. After reading this article I still have no idea what he is thinking now about the whole situation, it looks like my situation might be different than others, thats why I decided to comment here.

    I know I can’t described whole relationship in one comment, so I showed you guys just only the ‘ugly’ part. But I know me and my ex – we build really magical bond between us, which doesnt happen often. Thats why I want to get back this specific guy.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Natalia,

      if you’re going for 30 days, you can initiate after it.. That’s ok that he didn’t message.. Just take this as a restart and slowly build rapport..

  22. Jelly - 0

    Jelly

    Hi! My ex and I broke up for about a month now we’re in a long distance relationship, so i started working on myself and become more positive about my life. So i talked to his mom just to say hi and after 47 days of NC he sent me a message and i respond. I was gonna end the conversation but he asked me how i am until we had a nice conversation and he even asked me “You wanna be friends?” He’s been telling about what happened in his life recently but i’m not opening that much. What will i do after?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jelly,

      open up, because you need to build rapport..have fun conversations but dont be too available.Continue the activities you started in nc while slowly building rapport with him..Follow the advice on this one:
      The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

    • Jelly - 0

      Jelly

      Thank you for answering!!! 🙂

      Btw he asked me if we can be friends and i said sure why not. Do you think he just want to be friends with me? But he sent something on my email that my name isn’t changed its still the name he used to call me with a heart.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good..use it to your advantage..start out as friends and build rapport from there..

    • Jelly - 0

      Jelly

      Hi!!! Yeah i was going to do that but since last sunday until now he didn’t even bother to contact me and i sent him a message 3 days ago but he didnt respond

    • Jelly - 0

      Jelly

      And thats the ticket going somewhere for our vacation but suddenly we broke upso he will not go here in my place thats what he sent

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      did he respond now?

    • Jelly - 0

      Jelly

      Yeah he did but unfortunately he’s acting cold or like one answer one question if i didn’t send him a message he will not send me one so i just think that he doesn’t want me back

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do mini nc of two weeks before initiating again

  23. Jaye - 0

    Jaye

    I messed up the first nc by sending a meme, no response and then a few weeks later one of those ‘memory’ type texts (not romantic just a funny date we had), got a response to that one though! Do I start the whole 30 days again cause I’m ready to do this now? Just keep thinking time is running out Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Jaye,

      did you mean you sent those texts during nc? if yes, you have to restart..

    • Jaye - 0

      Jaye

      Hi Amor, thanks for the reply. Yes I did send 2 texts, 2 weeks apart and I’m fully committed to now doing the full 30 days again!! I have to admit it’s easier than you think it will be but then I’ve had some small practice

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re welcome! Make the most of this 2nd nc by being really active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

    • Jaye - 0

      Jaye

      Hi well I had a message from him at the weekend saying he missed me and if I was seeing anyone! I replied and totally forgot about nc stupidly, but I can’t ignore people. Do I now have to start from scratch again! I was doing so well and now feel like I’ve messed up and all the emotion is back.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, you have to start at the first you stopped initiating and replying.

  24. Alina - 0

    Alina

    This was interesting to read.. I have been in no contact since January. My fiancĂ© and I broke up in October. I did no contact before and did as the book said and go to day 11 of texting and then it stop. I could tell he was a bit stand offish in his text, like he has his guard up. Not to detail but still communicating quickly and responding. I’ve been wanting to text him but I’m like idk if it’s the right time or don’t know what to say since I done whatvthe book says the first time around. What should I do or how should I send my first text?? This is nerve racking to me. I want my fiancĂ© back our break up shouldn’t have happened.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alina,

      you still have to approach it like a first contact text because it’s been a long time since you texted..check this:
      EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

    • Alina - 0

      Alina

      So I texted him first.. I found out he is supposedly seeing someone by his friend and he told me he’s been on a few dates already. We are suppose to meet up and talk finally since we haven’t talked about why we broke up at all to clarify everything. He says that he has unanswered questions and also feelings about us and what happened.. should I continue to txt hi until we meet up or not? Do you think his dates and this suppose girl he seeing is serious? I don’t want to ruin my chances.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Have you met up:

  25. Tasmin - 0

    Tasmin

    Hi everyone.

    Did the NC for 30 days and contacted him, he said that he didn’t want to text and rather called. So he called me and we talked a little bit about out lives. He said something and I playfully said: “Looks like you haven’t missed me at all!” He responed with: “I didn’t. I really didn’t, I barely thought about you, honestly..” So I said: “Wow, I really didn’t make an impression on you these last 5 years, hey?” So we talked a little and he said: “But I still wanna be friends, y’know?” and I took my chance and said: “Sure, me too!” (Because I know quite a few people that broke up, became friends and then got back together) So he talked about his new console and I joked: “Well, I’ll visit soon to play with you!” And he said: “OK!” So I said: “Eh, okay! Just let me know when, gotta know before Sunday tho!” and he said fine, we talked some more, laughed and stuff and hung up.
    This was 4 days ago and I still haven’t heard from him, should I text him Sunday to ask of we’re still on or should I wait for him to text? Should we even hang out at all?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re moving too fast.. build rapport first before meeting up. if he’s not a texting person, you can use calls but plan it well. And be in control and look like you’re busy.. For example, your invite above suggested you’re available anytime for him and that you want an answer soon. It would have been better if you said,

      “Ok, let me know when, I’ll see if I can work around my current sched.”

  26. Tamzin - 0

    Tamzin

    So what if you do No Contact then get an angry response back? What is he thinking then? Is there any point to even doing another NC? What if you start NC after a fight?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 2

      Chris Seiter

      It simply means he was upset that you were ignoring him.

      What did he say exactly if you don’t mind me asking?

    • Tamzin - 0

      Tamzin

      He sent a stream of various F offs and asked me to delete his number. Also I did something dumb &I texted him a random address at 5am with no context. The response I have from that is the least angry one so far. What should I respond to it?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nothing.. restart the count of nc..

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