What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule

So, you want to know exactly what your ex boyfriend is thinking about during the no contact rule, do ya?

I’ll admit that lately this has been a very popular topic for the Private Facebook Group.

You know, it’s been really amazing seeing hundreds of women communicate in our group about their breakups. I pick up on all sorts of perspectives that I never would have thought of by myself before.

For example, one of the things that has become clear is that men react very differently to the no contact rule.

One woman can use the no contact rule on her ex and get messages like this,

Where another woman can use it and get nothing from her ex.

But in my half decade of advising women on how to get their exes back there is one thing I have learned about the no contact rule that no one out there ever talks about. It isn’t so much the panicky text messages that you get from your ex during the no contact rule that matter it’s whats going on inside of that head of his!

That’s where this article is going to come into play.

I am going to tell you EXACTLY what’s going on inside of an ex boyfriends mind during the no contact rule by using facts… pure unadulterated facts.

Wait… How Are You Going To Use Facts?

The more and more I sit back and think about what I have over the rest of my competition out there it’s numbers and successes.

I am willing to pit my numbers, experience and successes over any one of my competitors out there.

What’s the big advantage here?

Well, since I have had so many success stories in my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery (and actually interviewed the women with them here, here and here) I have noticed something pretty darn cool. The women who get their exes back ask them about their time during the no contact rule so they gain the ultimate insight into what their men were actually thinking.

After they have gained that insight they actually report back to me (because they are happy they got him back.)

Do you see where I am going here?

I am going to piggyback off of the successful women who have heard what their exes are actually thinking during the no contact rule and let you in on all of the secrets.

In other words, you are going to get insight into your own man by hearing what real men are thinking during the no contact rule.

Oh, and since I am a man I am going to throw in a few of my very own insights.

Sound good?

Let’s begin!

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Thought #1: She Has To Contact Me First

Out of all the thoughts I am going to let you in on today this is the one that resonates with me the most.


Well, I actually have personal experience with this.

This was the exact thought that I had during my very first breakup.

I literally remember thinking,

There is no way I am going to message here or think about talking to her. She is going to have to talk to me first.

And that’s exactly what happened.

She reached out to me first and it just fed into my ego that “I was winning the breakup.”

It wasn’t until later that I realized that me “winning” also meant that I had lost attraction for her.

You see, I am sure if you were to ask me while I was going through that breakup if I would ever consider taking her back I would have said yes.

In fact, I seem to recall a time where I literally thought to myself,

I bet if I really tried to get her back I could… But she’s going to have to contact me first.

And then it happened.

One day my phone buzzed…

I picked it up…

And lo and behold I got this text,

In that moment I truly felt like I could get her back whenever I wanted and in that moment I felt I had no desire to get her back anymore.


Well, there was no challenge to it.

Besides, we had a very tough relationship and it was just enough headwind to not make me take any action to rectify things.

Of course, this is a personal story from me. So, how do I know that this is a reaction other men will have outside of me?

Well, I’d like to turn your attention to “Kelly’s” ex boyfriend below,

A bit of background on this one.

Kelly is actually a part of our Private Facebook Group and she didn’t hear from her ex at all during the no contact rule. So, naturally she was wondering what he was thinking and I eventually told her the story I just told you.

This is what she had to say after she got him back and asked him what he was thinking,

I’m back with him because he said he was too stubborn but he had been waiting to hear from me and he missed me and he wanted it all to work out.

This is real proof.

Not just some story I made up.

This is a real reaction from a real man when the no contact rule is being done to him.

Thought #2: Why Isn’t She Contacting Me?

Close your eyes and imagine something for a minute for me.

You and your ex go through a really horrible breakup.

(Wait… that probably already happened.)

Anyways, you go through this really rough breakup and decide that you are going to do the no contact rule on him.

Of course, your ex is of the mind that the two of you should be “friends” so he reaches out a few days after the breakup with a text message like this,

Pretty basic message, right?

So, in his head he’s thinking that you are going to respond within a few minutes of him sending that text to you.

There’s just one little hiccup in his plan.

He doesn’t have the slightest idea that you are in the midst of a no contact period and when your response doesn’t come he starts to panic and sends something like this,

You see, he figures that if he acts caring towards you that you are going to break down and respond to him. Of course, since you are incredibly intelligent you decide to ride things out in the no contact rule by not responding to him.

Of course, when that happens he gets a little angry by the fact that you couldn’t acknowledge “how nice he was being to you.”

That’s when you start getting text messages like these,

Do you see the progression?

How it starts off innocent and then slowly but surely evolves into anger by the fact that you are ignoring him.

It’s at this point where one singular thought is going to dominate,

Wait… why isn’t she contacting me or responding?

Now, before I started down this path I made a solemn vow.

My Vow = Every thought that I claim a man has during the no contact rule has to be backed up by real reactions by real men.

Well, I’d like to introduce you to Kathy!

Kathy is one of the most active members in the Private Facebook Group and shes obviously dead set on getting her ex back.

Would you like to see the results Kathy is getting with the no contact rule?

Well, this is a post she recently posted to the Facebook Group,

Now, here’s a bit of context.

Kathy has been in the no contact rule for about two weeks at this point and you can see how he’s totally breaking down by the fact that she isn’t responding to him,

  • She has gotten 8 phone calls from him
  • Out of those 8 phone calls he has left 4 voicemails
  • She has also gotten a lot of text messages scattered throughout the day

So, why would her ex boyfriend act this crazy?

Well, let’s think about things from his perspective for a moment.

During his relationship with Kathy the two of them got into a certain routine.

He would text her…

She would text him back…

He would text her back…

And so on and so forth.

Now, here is the crazy part. Kathy told me that this routine actually continued after the two of them broke up.

It’s really strange, I have never had a breakup like this before. It’s almost like we are still dating but without the “official title.”

It was at this point that we advised Kathy to enter into a no contact rule and that’s when the fireworks began.

You see, by implementing the no contact rule on her ex Kathy has essentially interrupted the pattern that he had grown so accustomed to.

Instead of having his normal responses he is literally sitting there thinking,

Why isn’t she responding to me?

And this singular thought is motivating him enough to try to do everything in his power to get her to respond.

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Thought #3: Shes Not Reaching Out To Me… Good! I Wasn’t Going To Get Back With Her Anyways

For many of you this is your ultimate nightmare but I am going to show you something that is going to completely re-frame the way you look at a man who has this thought.

But before I do that let’s talk a little bit about the state of mind a man is in who is thinking this.

So, the complete thought is,

She’s not reaching out to me…. GOOD! I wasn’t going to get back with her anyways.

This almost has an immature tone to it, doesn’t it?

For example, because you ignored your ex he is going to say/think something to limit his potential future (being with you.)

In other words, it is a reaction to the fact that he isn’t getting his way.

Anger is what usually sparks these kind of thoughts.

Think back to your relationship now.



Are you there?



Ok, let me ask you a question.

Did your ex boyfriend ever say that he hated you or that the two of you would never be together again during your breakup?

Well, chances are that he said that during a moment of pure anger.

I mean, I don’t know many things that are as painful or angering as a breakup.

Do you?

Of course, when I try to explain to women that their ex boyfriends don’t necessarily mean what they are saying when they say they hate you, they are simply reacting to the emotions that they are feeling in that moment, it doesn’t seem to get through their heads.

Which is why I would like to introduce you to Sarah Michelle!

Now, Sarah Michelle has a bit of an interesting story.

You see, I first met Sarah Michelle on one of my Facebook Lives within the private facebook group.

(If you didn’t already know I do Facebook Lives in the group three days a week: Monday, Wednesday and Friday!)

At the time she asked her question I was really into watching another very popular “Sarah Michelle,”

Yep, Sarah Michelle Gellar (AKA: Buffy The Vampire Slayer.)

Now, if you are new to this site then one thing that you are going to learn about me very quickly is that there are two television shows that I love above all!

Show #1: Game of Thrones

Show #2: Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Anyways, I jokingly started referring to Sarah Michelle in the group as Buffy and the name kind of stuck.

Now, let’s fast forward a month to when we receive this fun little post in the group,

So, not only did she find a way to get her ex back but she is actually engaged to him know.

Buffy got game!

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Umm… What the hell does this even have to do with him saying that he isn’t interested in me?

Well, when I actually interviewed buffy about her success she said something that I thought was incredibly telling.

It was just so out of nowhere and I see all this girls on like the Facebook live, like their ex tells them, “I don’t love you anymore” like, “You’re too much” like, “We’re never going to be together again,” I heard all those things, all of them.


I heard every single one of those things come out of his mouth. When it came down to it, I found out he didn’t mean any of it, none of it. And I think that’s the hardest thing to comprehend, when you’re going through it because I feel a lot of the girls like in the Facebook page, all the guys say that and like when you hear it, like you just don’t understand at all.

Interesting, eh?

So, what Buffy is saying here is that her ex basically gave her all the common breakup excuses that you hear out there but when push came to shove she found out that he didn’t mean any of them.

And I have to say that this is a common trend I see time and time again.

So, while you may initially think it’s the end of the world if your ex has this thought that he isn’t going to take you back I am here to tell you that it’s not the end of the world.

Thought #4: I Am Going To Win This Breakup

I want to switch gears for a moment here and talk a little bit about thoughts I have had during my actual self imposed no contact rules during breakups.

You see, the way I figure it is that statistically speaking if I am having a thought during a no contact period other men are bound to have the same exact thoughts.

Sure, there may be a few exceptions here and there who don’t think the same ways that I do but generally speaking I serve as a pretty good litmus test.

Now, the thing you have to understand about me (and other men) is the fact that some of us like to view breakups as a competition.

Such a male thing to do… I know.

And like with any good competition there is a winner and a loser.

I think it’s important to define what the winner and the loser of a breakup are.

Winner = The person who makes their significant other fawn after them and regret their decision.


Loser = The person who fawns over their significant other and regrets their decision.

During my very first breakup I remember very clearly having this exact mindset.

I was going to do everything I possibly could to “win” the breakup or die trying.

Of course, that’s when an idea sparked in my head. Care to take a guess at what that idea was?

Go ahead and reference thought #1 in this article.




Done referencing?

That was my idea.

Isn’t it interesting how there is a strange synergy between thought #4 and thought #1.

If I hadn’t set out to “win the breakup” I wouldn’t have ever thought to “make her contact me first.”

Now, I am not one for making bold statements without having statistical proof to back them up. However, if I was a betting man I think I’d end up getting rich off of betting on the fact that most men will seek to “win the breakup” after they go through one.

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Why the heck does this even matter?

Well, I think it’s important to understand this mindset because it will springboard a man to have so many other thoughts during the no contact rule.

Take my example above.

I probably wouldn’t have ever thought of waiting until my ex contacted me first if I wasn’t trying to “win the breakup.”

I mean, there are so many different analogies I can draw from to prove this point.

Take any professional athlete, a profession where you get paid based on your ability to compete.

These men and women will do anything to win at their sport.

Heck, some of them take it so seriously that they cheat by using PED’s like steroids.

The important thing to remember here is that competition drives them to do it.

And a man with the mindset that he is going to “win the breakup” is essentially turning things into a competition and that means you can expect some crazy behavior from him.

Keep that in mind!

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Thought #5: I’ve Lost Her Forever

I want to save the best for last!

Out of every single thought I have mentioned in this article this is the thought that you absolutely want your ex boyfriend to have.

But more on that in a second.

Yesterday I was interviewing Anna from our Facebook group.

If you didn’t already know, Anna is one of our superstar members who got her ex back,

Anyways, Anna was nice enough to agree to an interview with me where I got to pick her brain about how she used my system to get her ex back.

And during this interview she said something that really fascinated me,

“You know Chris… I asked him that if I hadn’t of reached out to him after the no contact rule if we would still be together and he said no.”

Now, this fascinates me because this isn’t actually the first time I have heard this from a woman who has gotten her ex back.

In fact, I have been hearing variations of this type of response from ex boyfriends.

So, what does it mean?

Well, at the core it means that they had hit that point where they were wanting to hear from their exes (you) but had mentally prepared themselves to move on.

Now, maybe this isn’t a revolutionary insight but I actually think it is.

I mean, it’s at the point where your ex gives up on you that you can actually have a lot of success at shifting things in your favor.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that almost every success story that I have talked to in person has repeated this insight from their exes.

Now, why do you think that is?

Well, I think it has a lot to do with “the unexpected.”

Let’s take a walk around in your exes shoes for a minute.

So, your ex hits this point in his mind where he literally thinks to himself,

I have lost her forever…

Therefore his paradigm has shifted and he has literally convinced himself of this.


I think it’s important for me to remind you that you are in the midst of a no contact rule at this point.


After your no contact rule is finished you send your ex the following text message,

Now, this is completely unexpected to him.


Because he has literally convinced himself that he has no chance with you ever again and this text is a ray of hope.

In other words, it’s unexpected and that makes it even more powerful than it would have originally been.


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

214 responses to “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Blaire says:

    Oh also, he kept saying he wants to be single, but I felt like there is still a chance for him to come back. Unfortunately, I broke the no contact rule, and I kinda made him feel like breaking up was a right decision…. At first I felt like he still misses me, but as we kept talking we forgot the time and then he had to wake up super early in the morning… I felt like this made him wanna be single even more….. While we were talking, he kept sending pictures of me…. WHAT IS HE THINKING????? If I stop talking to him, will he miss me more……

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Blaire,

      Let’s say he did got tired or bored of the relationship.. Restart nc, be active in improving yourself and in posting

  2. Blaire says:

    So my ex is 25, and I am 20 right now. I live in LA and he lives in SD. We’ve been together for a year and 3 months. He said this is one of his longest relationships cuz he usually can’t stay long in a relationship. However, he has been telling me for a long time that he wants to crush his goals. He doesn’t earn much, and he wants to save up for his new truck and then buy a house. He told me that the past year he was always trying to make me happy, but he said it’s time for him to be selfish now. But I feel like one of the reasons of breaking up is that he just lost interest in me…. I feel like he’s not completely bullshitting, but he just didn’t want to admit that he is tired and I am no longer that attractive. (Well he keeps telling me that I’m very attractive and cute to him, but he said he just doesn’t want a relationship right now) I am so confused, and I dont know what I should do! We even planned to meet up at a rave on Halloween….. WHAT DOES HE WANT!?

  3. kate says:

    We didn’t break up,we have been dating for 8months now and for the past 3months it has been complicating,he hardly want see me,i have spoke to him about this but no improvement,he spent time with his friends and am tired of complaining and begging for attention,i decided to go on the nc but am not really sure if it will help in this situation since we didn’t break up,i started nc 3 days ago and it has been really hard nd he hasn’t contact me,should i continue?

  4. Melynda says:

    My ex broke up with me under the guise of distance (he temporarily moved across country and isn’t sure where his job will take him next yet). I found out a couple of days later that he had cheated on me at least 6 times with his coworker jul-sep of last year and just before he moved this year. I was devastated. So he said part of his reason to move was to get away from the guilt and to “redefine himself.” He has never cheated on a previous girlfriend. He is absolutely a wonderful person inside and out. Everyone who knows was in disbelief when they found out (even those who have grown up with him). He always hated cheaters because his mom was cheated on a lot by the men in her life as he grew up. I wasn’t angry. Just very hurt. And we tried being friends, but me overcompensating led to him pulling away I suppose. We were “friends” but he saw me in passing and ducked to avoid I just kept walking. Another friend and I tried to meet up to say a simple hello later on, but he avoided it like the plague. After this incident I talked to him one more time over text about if he was happy with his decision to break up and he said yes but he still thinks we have a possibility in the future. He has continually said that our relationship was great when we were together, but distance was hard (I’m a flight attendant, so I moved around a bit due to base assignments before finally getting back home). He said once we’re both settled back home again, it can work. So we had that talk but I was still hurting from the way he avoided me, so I initiated no contact (guess I did this wrong). After a week, he texted me. Again after 3 days. Again after 3 more days. And then that same night he blocked me on Facebook and sent a message saying I hope we can be friends but if not I understand. I broke NC and told him that I had come to realize that I needed to step back to heal. And that he had not respected me in awhile. And I realized he would never respect me if I didn’t respect myself enough to realize that I deserve better. So I needed time away and have been using this time to better myself, spend time with friends, and meet new people and that I had hoped he would do the same. He got angry and said I should’ve had the decency to say that instead of saying we could be friends and if I had to vilify him then fine. Said he’s ‘happy for me and my adventures and will leave me alone like I want.” I didn’t respond that night. Awhile back I had invited him to meet for breakfast on a layover I had coming up. So to try to make it clear that I had no harsh feelings, I texted him once more saying I would still love to meet up if he was open to it. I figured I then left the ball in his court, but still maintained my composure. He hasn’t responded and I haven’t messaged again (and I don’t plan to). I’m doing well on my own. I definitely tried to decide if I still want him after space, and I do. I’m content on my own. I’m absolutely able to do life on my own happily and successfully. But I want to be with him because I know that he is a truly good person who is obviously struggling right now. He gets me. We both want similar futures based in the same town, full of travel, and want a family. And I KNOW that if we could get through this and start over, we could really make something good for ourselves. Any advice to salvage this??

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Melynda,

      Restart the count of nc, don’t meet up with him in your next layover especially if it’s within your nc and then stick to at least 30 days.. If you really want someone to respect you, dont act like everthing is ok right after they hurt you.. Take your own time to heal instead of trying to make it seem everything that happened was ok with you.. If he’s a good person, that’s great.. make him earn your trust again.. Good people would feel guilt automatically and would want to do that after they make a mistake.. No need for you to ask it but if he acts like he doesnt want to then you have to think about what’s really important for you..

  5. karami says:

    I met my ex on his own Bday party 6 years ago. Recently I thought thing getting better but actually he second time told me that he has feelings for me but don’t love me and he doesn’t see as together in future or family. He did that already maybe 3 years ago, but then we kinda got back together I don’t even know could I call that a relationship cause we actually just was sleeping together not going out, meting outside of bedroom.
    So back to the point… we talk and he want stay friends and steel meeting for sex which is great and he love it with me, that’s what he want.
    I just pulled out go quite, got message from him last week but ignore it didn’t answer he is not texting. Now is two weeks.
    I just wonder is he really not love me and for what be friends wit benefits? I don’t get it ? ( I forgot to mention that he propose 3 times in those 6 years being drunk)
    He is manipulate me his words I know u love me and u always will, so he is sure that I just be.
    I’m so tired of his way treat me. I love him but I’m not sure even if I do the nc it will change anything cause we have a done it already, then he back for short while was good then again back to shit. Is he ever make any commitment? And choose me?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Karami,

      That means you’re friends with benefits… The more you do it, the more you’re stuck in that situation

  6. Diana says:

    I dated a guy for a year. We just had an argument cause I found out he was lying about pleasing himself to porn…nice way to say it. I felt betrayed cause the day before I found out he was having issues with me in the sack but blamed it on the pressure I put on him. I suggested I see a therapist to help me with my trust issues and said we should talk till then. But then said I wanted him to stay because I felt I was pushing him away. He said he liked my first suggestion and was very cold. Also said he is drained from all of it. Which to me makes no sense as I was the one hurt in the deal. He has stuff at my house. I see the therapist next week. If I do the nc rule starting yesterday and he does reach out to me next week so I reply or ignore?

  7. K says:

    So dealing with an ex who keeps saying she needs time to process our breakup and that if she has time she could recommit in the future. I told her to only contact me if she is in a different place and ready to commit. I’ve been nc for 15 days. Should I contact her after 30 or just leave things up to her? Or should I cut all contact? Thanks!!

  8. Demetria says:

    I was with my ex for alost 4 years. Things were great up until about 6 months ago. I had a dramatic job change and after 3 months I had lost my job and fell into deep depression. We also were living with my family and it was not the best situation, had a druggie aunt living with us. I started playing a mobile game and made a friend who lived in the UK (I am in the US) and someone who is dramatic younger than I and I was helping him with dealing with his parents divorce. I was in such depression that I didn’t feel like going out anymore and just playing my mobile game and xbox with my friend, which my ex stated he felt like I was happier talking to him than being around my ex. Which wasn’t true, but I wasnt going to bring my friend down and the game had focus on my brain when I was playing. He started getting these ideas that I was cheating on him with my friend from the UK, but I was not and would not ever cheat on him. Also, after I lost my job we got into some pretty bad fights where I hit him in about 3 of the fights and I regretted it and I told him I wouldn’t do it again after the 3rd time, and I didnt. I had previously been in a domestic violent relationship and I scared myself by acting like that. But in short, I hit him, he thought I was cheating with my friend from the UK, my depression made me push him away because I didn’t feel attractive anymore, I was addicted to a game I put my time towards instead of him and we were moving into a new house further away from where his father and the sport he played was. We got into a bad fight in the car and he left me in a parking lor, but my parents were there also so I ended up riding home with them. He moved all of his stuff out and went to a friend’s to talk and get drunk. He talked the first 3 days after the relationship saying he was sorry that he had to hurt me, but had to stick strong to his decision to not be with me. His last message was saying that he was sorry that he had to hurt me and felt like I was right around the corner all the time (basically that he felt like I would come into the room and he would get excited and be able to talk to me) but that he was now being able to focus on him and his dad. That made me feel like I was toxic, so I said goodbye. He then wouldn’t answer any calls or texts or any messages I would send and ended up changing his number and when I tried to reach him anywhere else I would be blocked. Yesterday was the last day I contacted him and I’m going to try to stick strong to the no contact rule. I have become more motivated after getting out of the toxic house I was in and I actually shower everyday now. I have been more motivated to find a job, so I am focusing on that. We both disc golfed, and I lost 80 lbs when I was with him while I disc golfed but I am scared to go do that in fear that he will think i am there because of him. He also told someone else that he was basically done with love and felt like I cheared on him. If I follow through with this no contact rule, how likely do you think it will be that it works? I need help please because I miss him and I would like him back in my life because he was wonderful up until I stupidly stopped giving him the attention that he deserves that I would be willing to put in the work to get back to where we were.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Demetria,

      no contact rule only increases your chances, it’s not a guarantee that it will work and your chances will only depend on you. On how much and how genuinely you improve yourself.

  9. Candy says:

    My situation is different from all of those that I have read. I have known my guy since I was seven years old . I fell in love with him when I was 16 as he kissed me goodbye went to Vietnam . We never got together romantically we always remained friends . I have never told him I have loved him . We started emailing back-and-forth back in May 2015. I moved 45 minutes away from him and I’ve only seen him one time a month for the last six months . We used to email back-and-forth continually throughout the week. All of a sudden it seemed like he became angry with me and I couldn’t figure out why. A lot my love away in my heart and just became friends with him but things have become so tense between us. He’s made me cry too many times, so I started the no contact rule . He has never known that he has it made me cry or that he’s hurt me but I do stand up for myself with him just like I did when we were children. I just wonder if I’ve lost him forever.

  10. Kelly Kapowski says:

    My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half, good friends for a year before that. He called me after a month long army training camp followed by a trip to Mexico. He had also found out his chances of getting into medical school are very slim. He called me two days before I flew to visit him for a few days and said that the distance was too much and that it hadn’t felt like a relationship the past month and a half or so. A couple days later he said that he “just fell out of love with me.” It is as if he did a complete 180. One day saying how much he loved me and how excited he is to see me, and then I was blindsided by the breakup!

    It has been almost a month and I will be taking my little sister to college, which is where he is for one more year. He texted me saying that he hopes he can see me and talk to me when he gives me my stuff back. He also said “I miss you, it’s weird not checking up with you everyday.”

    What do you recommend I do?

  11. Cecile says:

    So we broke up after a big fight. I begged and pleaded, no success.
    Started no contact 2 days later. He messaged me, Facebook stalked, etc, no reply. Around day 15 I ran into him and he WOULDNT let me go. Ended up telling me he misses me and still loves me, will work on his issues and wants me in his life however I choose to have him.

    I was happy. Next day though he was normal(ish). Day after that he got a little distant? Eventually he messaged me that he does miss and love me, but would like to be friends or something, because he didn’t know he hurt me that badly and it bothers him, so he’s scared to try to start something again because he doesn’t want to put me through that again.

    I don’t know what to do? Should o jump back into NC and do extended NC? Broke it because he had THAT conversation with me where it sounded like he wanted to get back together. Or will that make things worse? I don’t want to end up friend zoned and I’m not sure what to do now.

    Pleaaassseee help…

  12. Chaley Barnes says:

    Hi I was talking to a guy that was getting out of a 3 yr relationship. We immediately hit it off and he couldn’t stay away from me however she was still in the process of moving out when we were getting to know each other. He absolutely loved everything about me and I adored him. One day he just told me to back off and left without a trace. Now he won’t answer my texts and I have no clue how to feel. We were so close and then it was like he disappeared. I want him back but I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

  13. Marsha says:

    Hi, my ex boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me because he’s tired o my trust issues. We’ve gotten into arguments because of my inhability to trust him. He found out that I added him on anonymous social media. That was the straw that broke his back. He said he could no longer be with me until I’m ready and told me to think about what I wanted. Immediately after the break up I went NC. With out warning. He contacted me asking if I’m okay a few times, realized he was being ignored called and then got the point and has not contacted me. We work together and will be seeing Each othe soon making it 3 weeks of NC. I went NC to move on but now I’m realizing I miss him. Do we have a solid chance of working things out?

  14. Amanda K. says:

    Hello, my ex-boyfriend and I broke up 1 month ago due to talking with an ex. My ex-texted me asking how I was and I responded as we continued talking, I had no intention of doing anything just seeing how he was. The problem I had was that I did not tell my now ex-boyfriend about the conversation and he found a few months later by his friend. He was completely devasted and couldn’t believe I didn’t tell him and hid it for a long time. In result he broke up with me because of a communication problem. I begged him not to break up but he said he has too because he doesn’t know what he wants anymore. Fast forward till now, we talked a few times and hung out and he responded to my texts and everything, basically everything seemed the same and he even said I love you and I miss you but a week ago he completely went out of sight and would not return my calls or texts and would just reads my snap chat conversation to him. On Monday I told him that I will be backing off until he is okay with himself and knows what he wants and I felt bad for constantly calling and everything so it was best for the back off. I still love him dearly and I am terribly sorry for what I did and I told him and apologized for it 3days after the breakup. I am nervous that I won’t be able to get him back because I am not talking to him and I am completely out of his and I am afraid he will move on to another girl and replacement . We were together for 7 months and the majority of it was LDR but we knew we were the ones for each other. I don’t know if I am on the right track and I am hoping on my life that everything will be okay. Any insight would really help me?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      He’s already not talking to you..instead of worrying be active in improving yourself

  15. Gabby says:

    Hi. I have been best friends with this guy for 6 years (I will call him H). This time last year, he confessed to me during a difficult time with my boyfriend that he liked me. He tried to kiss me which all took me by surprise. I pushed him back but he only drew closer in the weeks to come. We got into some passionate and intimate time twice after during which, my boyfriend and i were having a rough patch to a point of breaking up. I told H that I was not able to continue seeing him as i felt uncomfortable with the situation. He retaliated by radio silence etc. I was so confused at this point. Then I heard from him and we carried on being friends as usual asking for my help as usual but, our relationship came from good to bad. He’s always angry and fighting with me. He then told me he has bipolar condition. So each time he lashes out, I bear this in mind and be forgiving and understanding. He promised that he would help me move out of boyfriend. December came and our relationship deteriorated. I was hurt and found myself in love with him and more determined to move out of my house. I broke up with my boyfriend a few times but he didn’t listen to me and carried on with our relationship as if he didn’t take me seriously. H and i still had contact but very limited during Christmas due to some stupid misunderstandings. I believed that when he thought I was leaving my ex, he got a bit scared and that’s why our relationship deteriorated. But when I told him I’m still with my boyfriend and wanted to work things out, he chased me.

    By January, we started seeing each other again. We were intimate and our connection was stronger than ever. We were seeing each other in secret. I know what you might be thinking. I’m a bad person. I was honestly totally confused with my situation. In early March, my boyfriend proposed to me. This was all I ever wanted. I couldn’t face to tell H. I am in love with him but I feared he couldn’t give me what I wanted which is commitment. I am so lost and confused. But he makes me feel desirable and the fact that we had amazing sex and connection. Eventually, I told him my boyfriend proposed and that we can’t see each other anymore intimately. I was hoping he would confess his undying love for me and tell me I’m being stupid but instead, he congratulated me. Then, mid May, he used up a little innocent situation as an excuse for us to fall out. We argued over text and he said some very mean and hurtful things. I blocked him on FB messenger and WhatsApp. A week later I unblocked him only to find out he has blocked me on both too. 5 weeks later, last week, he unblocked me on both. I didn’t contact. But it was his birthday last Tuesday and I sent him a birthday card by post. He has not contacted me either.

    I don’t know what to do. I love him and I feel he is my soul mate. Do I send him a message?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If you dont love your fiance, break up with him and have the courage to be independent whether you work things out with your best friend or not..

  16. Star122 says:

    I went no contact after 3 months of “friendship” and hoping that we’ll be back together…. on the day when I went no contact, we spoke on phone. I was crying and asked him to let me go as I’m hurting too much. He agreed and send me a text to take care. Since that there is no contact. Do I still have a chance to win him back?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Since when was that? And how much are you improving yourself and being active in posting?

  17. Viola says:

    I was dishonest and realized late in the game how much I cared. I ended the relationship and came clean, but I hurt him. I don’t understand why he kept calling me every day and we talked for hours. I asked if he could forgive and potentially rekindle things in the future and he said yes, but we were both dealing with other things at the time. Now I don’t know if he meant it. I felt terrible about being dishonest, and I initiated text conversations instead of letting him do it. Eventually he started being more distant, but he continued to call me every night. I finally told him that I needed clarity and he said he wanted freedom. He called again the next day. I told him I respected his wishes and that I didn’t want to keep talking to him while I study for an exam. He said he would respect that.

    It has been 21 days without contact. He has been posting mean, passive aggressive things on facebook, but also has posted things that relate to conversations we have had and things he knows I care about. Given the awkwardness of conversations I had with one of them, it is clear that he told mutual friends about what I did and that they are angry with me.

    I don’t know that No Contact will work in this situation as he is definitely the type to want to “win the break up” and he hasn’t. He is used to having girls chase him after breakups. Additionally, he has every right to be angry with me. I keep telling myself that I’m crazy to think it’s possible that he would ever want to have anything to do with me again. It’s clear to me from his behavior that he is trying to get a rise out of me. Although we were amicable in our last conversation, his behavior makes me feel like he now hates me. It hurts.

    I don’t know whether to keep going with NC or to reach out and try to calm the anger. It makes me sad that I caused him pain and it’s really hard to concentrate on studying for my very important exam while thinking about this. I’m trying to work on myself and let go, but I can’t seem to do it. What is he thinking and what should I do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If you’ve already apologized then right now stick to nc until he cools down because reacting to anger is not calming it, it’s rewarding it.

  18. Janet says:

    Hi, I have a question, what if my ex wanted me to move on? We’ve been together for several months. And lately he started to think he can’t give me what I wanted. I.e. attention, being nice and spend time etc. He was stressed and just broke up with me out of the blue, I didn’t feel it’s coming. Initially I became very emotional and demanded a closure, but he remained cold-hearted (no response) and then I texted yeah I understand, just want to see you happy. I don’t know why I have said this. Clearly he was a coward because he promised so much before I started to trust him. Since then I have stick to NC but still nothing. I constantly work on myself in a gym, social cycle, career etc. But I am scared if he sees I post nice and happy face on social media (even though I am dead inside) do you think these are just proofs to him I am fine and he can move on himself?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You mean he wants you to chase, be sad and desperate and then he’ll get back to you?

  19. Elle says:

    Just ended a 9 yrs relationship and started the no contact rule. We lived together for 5 yrs and 6 mos ago I moved away for medical school. He was supposed to come join me but became distant like someone else was I’m the picture then he finally stated that he is under a lot of stress managing bills without me and he need s break from the relationship to find himself and live his life but he wants to remain friends. I plan on going to get my things out our home in 5 weeks then permanently no contact. Is no contact effective right now when he knows that he will see me again in 5 weeks? Does it work on long distance relationships or are they easier for a man to over, like out of sight out of mind.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Start the no contact period as soon as you can, if you can get the things earlier that’s better. It’s ok if he will see you because of that, just don’t be emotional, don’t talk about feelings nor the relationship.

  20. Sophie says:

    Me and my ex were together for 2 years, due to me having mental health problems it broke down, and he left me very out the blue.
    It’s been 6 weeks since he has left me. I have been doing no contact, but he has text to come and collect his things (we lived together with a son) which I agreed to for this Friday…. what do I say/do when he arrives? He’s been very cold since the breakup but I want him back. I’m now receiving therapy for my health issues, and I want him to see that I am making these positive changes….. HELP 🙁

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Just be calm and cool.. don’t talk about your feelings nor the relationship..

    • Sophie says:

      Thank you Amor,

      He actually didn’t show up to collect his things, which I took as a positive! I didn’t contact him so initiated my first message (LC due to our son) today. I went for a little memory we had between us, he responded in a jokingly manner. I ended the conversation and will go for another text tomorrow…. so scared

  21. Emily says:

    We dated for a few months and he broke up with me 3 weeks ago as he felt that it doesn’t feels right to be with me. He cares and still have love for me, but don’t want to continue with the relationship anymore. What if my ex was the one who suggested for no contact, and told me to do no contact as well in order to move on, so that in the future we can still be friends? He said he does not want to give me false hope and he has been sticking to his words up till today. He asked me to move on and find someone else. Will no contact still work here in this case?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      how many days did he suggest?

    • Elle says:

      Indefinitely….until he finds himself.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      that’s good.. start the no contact rule immediately. Be active in improving yourself and in posting, look like you’ve accepted the situation and you’re moving on.

  22. Bella says:

    14 days into no contact, I saw my ex boyfriend on the bus. I looked away, to show him that I was not there on purpose (I had begged for him not to break up). I wanted to make him understand that I am no longer in this desperate mindset. Is the NC ruined now and do I need to start over the NC? (we never talked, just had eye contact). I was planning to write to him on day 21 or 30.

  23. Rachel says:

    I feel like my situation is unlike any other. My ex and I didn’t text 24/7. He actually didn’t even have a phone. We could only talk through fb messenger when he had wifi. But anyways, We have broken up and gotten back together a million times because he can’t get over an ex who lives about 2 hours away and has a new boyfriend. So, Long story short, we were broken up and going to get back together (or so I thought) but then one day he invited me to a show at a bar later that night after we just spent all day and the last night together. So, I met him there with friends and he forgot he invited me and was on a freaking tinder date. I left and said f*** you. That’s the last I saw him. And he ended up going home with the girl. He messaged me a few days later to tell me something and I said I never wanted to hear from him again. Im not exactly regretting anything, but I do miss him and want to remain friends someday. I’m just really upset about the whole thing and need someone to talk to I guess. This happened about two weeks ago. Thank you

  24. smashbolt says:

    hi.. i recently broke up with my guy and i’ve been following the no contact rule. It’s been like a few days …But its been really hard for me to put a smiling face when i get to see him everyday. so he texted me telling “i’m feeling the heat of ur ignorance.. very nice carry on”.. i did not reply to this msg but i happened to see him again that day i jus wrote on a paper that i need sometime for myself and i hope u can understand. After i left he texted me asking for my account number as he had to pay me some money and i did not reply back.. Am i doing the no contact period right ? i’m focusing completely on myself but i become clueless when i get to see him everyday. what should i do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      its ok to give him your account number.. just dont talk about feelings, how are yous, and the relationship

  25. Hollie says:

    I was casually seeing someone for two months and we were getting closer but found out had gone with other woman. I have never ever ignored him. We split up and I ended it on Tuesday and I had a text this morning Thursday already with a link to a song he was trying to remember. Um hello we split up! What do I do? Wait for him to text again? I’m shocked he’s text so soon.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      are you going to do the no contact rule? if you are, do at least 21 days.

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