So, you want to know exactly what your ex boyfriend is thinking about during the no contact rule, do ya?

I’ll admit that lately this has been a very popular topic for the Private Facebook Group.

You know, it’s been really amazing seeing hundreds of women communicate in our group about their breakups. I pick up on all sorts of perspectives that I never would have thought of by myself before.

For example, one of the things that has become clear is that men react very differently to the no contact rule.

One woman can use the no contact rule on her ex and get messages like this,

Where another woman can use it and get nothing from her ex.

But in my half decade of advising women on how to get their exes back there is one thing I have learned about the no contact rule that no one out there ever talks about. It isn’t so much the panicky text messages that you get from your ex during the no contact rule that matter it’s whats going on inside of that head of his!

That’s where this article is going to come into play.

I am going to tell you EXACTLY what’s going on inside of an ex boyfriends mind during the no contact rule by using facts… pure unadulterated facts.

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Wait… How Are You Going To Use Facts?


The more and more I sit back and think about what I have over the rest of my competition out there it’s numbers and successes.

I am willing to pit my numbers, experience and successes over any one of my competitors out there.

What’s the big advantage here?

Well, since I have had so many success stories in my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery (and actually interviewed the women with them here, here and here) I have noticed something pretty darn cool. The women who get their exes back ask them about their time during the no contact rule so they gain the ultimate insight into what their men were actually thinking.

After they have gained that insight they actually report back to me (because they are happy they got him back.)

Do you see where I am going here?

I am going to piggyback off of the successful women who have heard what their exes are actually thinking during the no contact rule and let you in on all of the secrets.

In other words, you are going to get insight into your own man by hearing what real men are thinking during the no contact rule.

Oh, and since I am a man I am going to throw in a few of my very own insights.

Sound good?

Let’s begin!

Thought #1: She Has To Contact Me First

Out of all the thoughts I am going to let you in on today this is the one that resonates with me the most.

Why?

Well, I actually have personal experience with this.

This was the exact thought that I had during my very first breakup.

I literally remember thinking,

There is no way I am going to message here or think about talking to her. She is going to have to talk to me first.

And that’s exactly what happened.

She reached out to me first and it just fed into my ego that “I was winning the breakup.”

It wasn’t until later that I realized that me “winning” also meant that I had lost attraction for her.

You see, I am sure if you were to ask me while I was going through that breakup if I would ever consider taking her back I would have said yes.

In fact, I seem to recall a time where I literally thought to myself,

I bet if I really tried to get her back I could… But she’s going to have to contact me first.

And then it happened.

One day my phone buzzed…

I picked it up…

And lo and behold I got this text,

In that moment I truly felt like I could get her back whenever I wanted and in that moment I felt I had no desire to get her back anymore.

Why?

Well, there was no challenge to it.

Besides, we had a very tough relationship and it was just enough headwind to not make me take any action to rectify things.

Of course, this is a personal story from me. So, how do I know that this is a reaction other men will have outside of me?

Well, I’d like to turn your attention to “Kelly’s” ex boyfriend below,

A bit of background on this one.

Kelly is actually a part of our Private Facebook Group (which is actually offered to all of my one on one coaching clients for free) and she didn’t hear from her ex at all during the no contact rule. So, naturally she was wondering what he was thinking and I eventually told her the story I just told you.

This is what she had to say after she got him back and asked him what he was thinking,

I’m back with him because he said he was too stubborn but he had been waiting to hear from me and he missed me and he wanted it all to work out.

This is real proof.

Not just some story I made up.

This is a real reaction from a real man when the no contact rule is being done to him.

Thought #2: Why Isn’t She Contacting Me?

Close your eyes and imagine something for a minute for me.

You and your ex go through a really horrible breakup.

(Wait… that probably already happened.)

Anyways, you go through this really rough breakup and decide that you are going to do the no contact rule on him.

Of course, your ex is of the mind that the two of you should be “friends” so he reaches out a few days after the breakup with a text message like this,

Pretty basic message, right?

So, in his head he’s thinking that you are going to respond within a few minutes of him sending that text to you.

There’s just one little hiccup in his plan.

He doesn’t have the slightest idea that you are in the midst of a no contact period and when your response doesn’t come he starts to panic and sends something like this,

You see, he figures that if he acts caring towards you that you are going to break down and respond to him. Of course, since you are incredibly intelligent you decide to ride things out in the no contact rule by not responding to him.

Of course, when that happens he gets a little angry by the fact that you couldn’t acknowledge “how nice he was being to you.”

That’s when you start getting text messages like these,

Do you see the progression?

How it starts off innocent and then slowly but surely evolves into anger by the fact that you are ignoring him.

It’s at this point where one singular thought is going to dominate,

Wait… why isn’t she contacting me or responding?

Now, before I started down this path I made a solemn vow.

My Vow = Every thought that I claim a man has during the no contact rule has to be backed up by real reactions by real men.

Well, I’d like to introduce you to Kathy!

Kathy is one of the most active members in the Private Facebook Group which she got access to after purchasing my book and she’s obviously dead set on getting her ex back.

Would you like to see the results Kathy is getting with the no contact rule?

Well, this is a post she recently posted to the Facebook Group,

Now, here’s a bit of context.

Kathy has been in the no contact rule for about two weeks at this point and you can see how he’s totally breaking down by the fact that she isn’t responding to him,

  • She has gotten 8 phone calls from him
  • Out of those 8 phone calls he has left 4 voicemails
  • She has also gotten a lot of text messages scattered throughout the day

So, why would her ex boyfriend act this crazy?

Well, let’s think about things from his perspective for a moment.

During his relationship with Kathy the two of them got into a certain routine.

He would text her…

She would text him back…

He would text her back…

And so on and so forth.

Now, here is the crazy part. Kathy told me that this routine actually continued after the two of them broke up.

It’s really strange, I have never had a breakup like this before. It’s almost like we are still dating but without the “official title.”

It was at this point that we advised Kathy to enter into a no contact rule and that’s when the fireworks began.

You see, by implementing the no contact rule on her ex Kathy has essentially interrupted the pattern that he had grown so accustomed to.

Instead of having his normal responses he is literally sitting there thinking,

Why isn’t she responding to me?

And this singular thought is motivating him enough to try to do everything in his power to get her to respond.

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Thought #3: She’s Not Reaching Out To Me… Good! I Wasn’t Going To Get Back With Her Anyways

For many of you this is your ultimate nightmare but I am going to show you something that is going to completely re-frame the way you look at a man who has this thought.

But before I do that let’s talk a little bit about the state of mind a man is in who is thinking this.

So, the complete thought is,

She’s not reaching out to me…. GOOD! I wasn’t going to get back with her anyways.

This almost has an immature tone to it, doesn’t it?

For example, because you ignored your ex he is going to say/think something to limit his potential future (being with you.)

In other words, it is a reaction to the fact that he isn’t getting his way.

Anger is what usually sparks these kind of thoughts.

Think back to your relationship now.

…..

…….

Are you there?

Yes?

Good!

Ok, let me ask you a question.

Did your ex boyfriend ever say that he hated you or that the two of you would never be together again during your breakup?

Well, chances are that he said that during a moment of pure anger.

I mean, I don’t know many things that are as painful or angering as a breakup.

Do you?

Of course, when I try to explain to women that their ex boyfriends don’t necessarily mean what they are saying when they say they hate you, they are simply reacting to the emotions that they are feeling in that moment, it doesn’t seem to get through their heads.

Which is why I would like to introduce you to Sarah Michelle!


Now, Sarah Michelle has a bit of an interesting story.

You see, I first met Sarah Michelle on one of my Facebook Lives within the private facebook group which she got access to after purchasing my book.

(If you didn’t already know I do Facebook Lives in the group three days a week: Monday, Wednesday and Friday!)

At the time she asked her question I was really into watching another very popular “Sarah Michelle,”

Yep, Sarah Michelle Gellar (AKA: Buffy The Vampire Slayer.)

Now, if you are new to this site then one thing that you are going to learn about me very quickly is that there are two television shows that I love above all!

Show #1: Game of Thrones

Show #2: Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Anyways, I jokingly started referring to Sarah Michelle in the group as Buffy and the name kind of stuck.

Now, let’s fast forward a month to when we receive this fun little post in the group,

So, not only did she find a way to get her ex back but she is actually engaged to him know.

Buffy got game!

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Umm… What the hell does this even have to do with him saying that he isn’t interested in me?

Well, when I actually interviewed buffy about her success she said something that I thought was incredibly telling.

It was just so out of nowhere and I see all this girls on like the Facebook live, like their ex tells them, “I don’t love you anymore” like, “You’re too much” like, “We’re never going to be together again,” I heard all those things, all of them.

I heard every single one of those things come out of his mouth. When it came down to it, I found out he didn’t mean any of it, none of it. And I think that’s the hardest thing to comprehend, when you’re going through it because I feel a lot of the girls like in the Facebook page, all the guys say that and like when you hear it, like you just don’t understand at all.

Interesting, eh?

So, what Buffy is saying here is that her ex basically gave her all the common breakup excuses that you hear out there but when push came to shove she found out that he didn’t mean any of them.

And I have to say that this is a common trend I see time and time again.

So, while you may initially think it’s the end of the world if your ex has this thought that he isn’t going to take you back I am here to tell you that it’s not the end of the world.

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Thought #4: I Am Going To Win This Breakup

I want to switch gears for a moment here and talk a little bit about thoughts I have had during my actual self imposed no contact rules during breakups.

You see, the way I figure it is that statistically speaking if I am having a thought during a no contact period other men are bound to have the same exact thoughts.

Sure, there may be a few exceptions here and there who don’t think the same ways that I do but generally speaking I serve as a pretty good litmus test.

Now, the thing you have to understand about me (and other men) is the fact that some of us like to view breakups as a competition.

Such a male thing to do… I know.

And like with any good competition there is a winner and a loser.

I think it’s important to define what the winner and the loser of a breakup are.

Winner = The person who makes their significant other fawn after them and regret their decision.

Loser = The person who fawns over their significant other and regrets their decision.

During my very first breakup I remember very clearly having this exact mindset.

I was going to do everything I possibly could to “win” the breakup or die trying.

Of course, that’s when an idea sparked in my head. Care to take a guess at what that idea was?

Go ahead and reference thought #1 in this article.

….

…….

……….

Done referencing?

That was my idea.

Isn’t it interesting how there is a strange synergy between thought #4 and thought #1.

If I hadn’t set out to “win the breakup” I wouldn’t have ever thought to “make her contact me first.”

Now, I am not one for making bold statements without having statistical proof to back them up. However, if I was a betting man I think I’d end up getting rich off of betting on the fact that most men will seek to “win the breakup” after they go through one. In fact, this is a concept that I am constantly trying to explain to my one on one coaching clients so that they fully understand the mindset of a man.

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Why the heck does this even matter?

Well, I think it’s important to understand this mindset because it will springboard a man to have so many other thoughts during the no contact rule.

Take my example above.

I probably wouldn’t have ever thought of waiting until my ex contacted me first if I wasn’t trying to “win the breakup.”

I mean, there are so many different analogies I can draw from to prove this point.

Take any professional athlete, a profession where you get paid based on your ability to compete.

These men and women will do anything to win at their sport.

Heck, some of them take it so seriously that they cheat by using PED’s like steroids.

The important thing to remember here is that competition drives them to do it.

And a man with the mindset that he is going to “win the breakup” is essentially turning things into a competition and that means you can expect some crazy behavior from him.

Keep that in mind!

Thought #5: I’ve Lost Her Forever

I want to save the best for last!

Out of every single thought I have mentioned in this article this is the thought that you absolutely want your ex boyfriend to have.

But more on that in a second.

Yesterday I was interviewing Anna from our Facebook group.

If you didn’t already know, Anna is one of our superstar members who got her ex back,

Anyways, Anna was nice enough to agree to an interview with me where I got to pick her brain about how she used my system to get her ex back.

And during this interview she said something that really fascinated me,

“You know Chris… I asked him that if I hadn’t of reached out to him after the no contact rule if we would still be together and he said no.”

Now, this fascinates me because this isn’t actually the first time I have heard this from a woman who has gotten her ex back.

In fact, I have been hearing variations of this type of response from ex boyfriends.

So, what does it mean?

Well, at the core it means that they had hit that point where they were wanting to hear from their exes (you) but had mentally prepared themselves to move on.

Now, maybe this isn’t a revolutionary insight but I actually think it is.

I mean, it’s at the point where your ex gives up on you that you can actually have a lot of success at shifting things in your favor.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that almost every success story that I have talked to in person has repeated this insight from their exes.

Now, why do you think that is?

Well, I think it has a lot to do with “the unexpected.”

Let’s take a walk around in your exes shoes for a minute.

So, your ex hits this point in his mind where he literally thinks to himself,

I have lost her forever…

Therefore his paradigm has shifted and he has literally convinced himself of this.

(PAUSE)

I think it’s important for me to remind you that you are in the midst of a no contact rule at this point.

(UNPAUSE)

After your no contact rule is finished you send your ex the following text message,

Now, this is completely unexpected to him.

Why?

Because he has literally convinced himself that he has no chance with you ever again and this text is a ray of hope.

In other words, it’s unexpected and that makes it even more powerful than it would have originally been.

What to Read Next

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By Chris Seiter | 2 comments

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513 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    Molly

    April 9, 2020 at 4:24 am

    I am 2 months post break up and started no contact and few days after we split. We were together for 4 years. He has reached out to me numerous times since breaking up, I replied short and sweet. I’ve shown heaps of self improvement and am super happy of where I am in my life. 2 weeks after applying strict no contact not replying to any of his messages I get a message saying “why can’t you respond to my texts”. I actually never saw any of his texts as I blocked his number…. I still haven’t replied to the message he sent above as I have no idea if I should or not as I still have 2 more weeks of strict no contact to go????

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 9:56 pm

      Hi Molly is there a reason you have done 2 months of no contact? You can star the texting phase after 30 days NC so yes you can start talking to him now but keep away from emotional conversations

  2. Avatar

    Libby

    March 28, 2020 at 3:01 pm

    My ex and I broke up over two weeks ago it was mutual at first because he has a new job out of state and he can’t love me right while focusing on that. He says he’s not letting go and is fighting for us but our time isn’t now. I texted him saying i will fight for us and telling him not to give up and he agrees but he’s so short with me. I’m afraid I’ve already lost my chance with the no contact rule as our last contact was last night and he left
    Me kn read.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 5:46 pm

      Hi Libby, it isnt too late to start No Contact, you can start it now and just spend some time focusing on yourself and using social media show you are doing good and jsut getting on with your life. He will miss you eventually even if he is busy he is going to want to tell you about his new experience

  3. Avatar

    Camille

    March 22, 2020 at 12:59 am

    Hi Chris,

    Just curious, does the No Contact Rule and Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro apply during the COVID19 Corona Virus lockdown where both parties are compelled to stay home?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 11:28 pm

      Hi Camille. yes stick to No Contact. If you live together then stick to a limited no contact

  4. Avatar

    Deeshi

    January 30, 2020 at 10:07 am

    We have had many ups and downs in our relationship in terms of family, financial crisis, but we decided to stay with each other no matter what, he committed to marrying me and spent rest of life with me our family have been talking about our marriage from the past one year he had also promised my mother that he would never leave me (long back). We went through a lot of fights and arguments where we both disrespected each other. Something like that happened this time also few days after his birthday(after spending 5 days with him at his house after all the gifts and surprises) but after which I am blocked on wats app and Instagram. since the fight, I haven’t contacted him at all. But his mom knows everything about our fight and she is in constant contact with me….. it’s my birthday next month and also I have been preparing for my GRE to do masters in the US with him as he wanted us to settle in the US after marriage.
    He never blocks me like this even if he blocks me he unblocks in few hours, this time I am blocked for days because I had blocked him for 7days during our fight before this so he is doing tit for tat… that’s what is my assumption…
    do you think he will come back??
    Should I be in contact with his mother??
    Should I continue to prepare for my exams to go to the US ?? (i am asking this cause I need to pay a huge amount to give the exam )

    please do reply, thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 15, 2020 at 3:50 pm

      Hi Deeshi, no you should not be in touch with his mother if you are going to follow the No Contact rule. It is your call if you are going to move on or work the program, only you can decide that for yourself and as for your exams, you should put your career first always so if it is going to benefit you then do so, if not then its your choice.

  5. Avatar

    Emotionally tired

    January 27, 2020 at 9:45 pm

    He delete me from Facebook on day 21.
    I feel like he truly hates me, even tho I didn’t do anything wrong.

  6. Avatar

    Melody

    January 21, 2020 at 12:06 am

    Hi!
    So I’ve been in a LDR for 4 months now everything was perfect he was very communicative, he came to visit me and I went to visit him. When I got back from visiting him I noticed that communication between us was different he wouldn’t always reply and we talked about it and he basically said that he doesn’t want to lose me but he was having cold feet about moving to be near me which I completely understand we decided to continue the relationship and work in better communication. I thought things would get better after that talk but he would just throw me breadcrumbs saying “I miss you” every once in a while and that was it. I did not respond to his last message because I am tired of the breadcrumbs and thought ignoring him would make him feel as though he needs to make more of an effort and it has been 9 days now and he hasn’t tried contacting me. Do you think I’ll ever hear from him again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 8:59 pm

      Hi Melody good for you choosing to ignore the breadcrumbs, this is the start of you making progress stick to a no contact of 30 days now! And during which time work on the ungettable girl work that is needed to get your ex to notice you. I think you will hear from him again but make sure the message is worth a response not short and effortless

  7. Avatar

    Mahjan Ali

    December 30, 2019 at 10:55 pm

    Hello. My ex.gentelman and I were dating LDR for 3 and half month. After one month texting he flow 3 times to meet me. We are both 35 have our own career successful he is smart and polite knows what he wants. I’m divorced with 2 kids.I mentioned LDR is hard and if he is sure about this, he said life is not easy but we will make it easy. He was talking about future and travel he already start noticing what I likes and dislikes are. after his last visit I noticed he doesn’t text as regularly or don’t use his soft love language lots he said now he is not sure if he wants to meet my kids yet but month ago he was so excited to meet them. I asked him if everything is ok with him and our new life he said yes. He said he is so sorry for not being able to come for visit in December and jan is busy time for him but for sure he will come February 1,2020. December 19 after not getting any text all day in evening I texted him that I understand him, we can date once a week over face time just us he said no he dose not want to. He said he is done with this relationship cuz he never thought it is this hard. He said he can not wait and wait and seeing me suffering waiting too. He said I deserve better and I can find a better man than him soon. He said don’t stay home and cry go out and try to meet people he said he is sure I will be fine. He said non of us promised anything to each other but he did he said he will make it easier. He said believe the truth this relationship can’t go anywhere. I will miss you Goodnight! All I said to him was
    I can’t believe you did this to me. good night. No talk or any contact from December 19.2019 until now and he didn’t said any thing yet too. What should I do. I couldn’t even tell him babe we didn’t even try to work things how can you say we are done. I missed him he was what I missed in my life but he didn’t love me probably to sacrifice his life for me. Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 6:24 am

      Hey there so you have to stop the emotional texting and spend some time in No Contact where you focus on you and how to get over the break up. Read articles that apply to your situation and leave your ex miss you for some time while you focus on yourself

  8. Avatar

    Bets

    November 29, 2019 at 5:20 pm

    Hello,

    I just got out of a relationship with my ex-boyfriend of One year and one month. He broke up with me through text and we were living together . For the past two weeks I felt he was emotionally disconnected . He told me he needed to be alone and doesn’t know if he’s making the right choice or just a dumb decision and doesn’t know if he needs a break apart from us and maybe this won’t be forever but, he knows he needs time alone to focus on him and grind . He said he fell out of love with me .While I was more furious than sad because I felt like he was giving up on us and expressed to him that he’s giving up and not facing the reality of a relationship after the honeymoon stage but , i respected his decision and asked for him to call me instead so he can hear what I have to say, which he refused and told me it’s over . I reminded him I appreciated him for what he has done for me and told him I’m going to pick my stuff up , where we were able to talk about it in person . He was shocked that I was expressing how I felt about how he handled the breakup because I’m usually so passive and expressed he gave up too easily and didn’t want to face the reality of a relationship and didn’t want to try to reconnect and develop a new kind of love . I also had told him I’m not going to cry about it, I’m not going to chase him, and I won’t wait for him to change his mind because I know my worth and that I’m more disappointed than sad because he’s giving up and earlier he had expressed the idea about us being friends and still hanging out which I said no to and also how he wanted it to be me the girl he had a future with and he tried his best to not fall out of love with me but if he sees no future there’s no point to holding on and if any girl can make him fall in love all over again it would be me . He explained he doesn’t know when he fell out of love with me but wants this break up to reflect on the relationship, see how he actually feels about us and me , and wants alone time. He also then told me If he realizes he made a mistake , he will fight for us . I told him part of the reason I know he’s breaking up with me has to do with financial stability , I was always the one to help out with everything but I had just left my job and it’s been one week without me working and He has helped me that week. I also told him we have been through a lot which he agreed and told him that we also had happy times and to remember those times .I didn’t let him see me cry but I gave him a hug and told him part of me wants to hate him but I can’t because he’s human and that he’s not a bad person. I also told him as much as I want him to not give up on us, I can’t be the one to make that choice , I looked up at him and saw that he was holding back tears and somehow we ended up kissing and hugging each other again. I told him I have to go and as he was walking me to the door gave him one last hug and asked for him to not give up and he asked for one last kiss which I did not give . I obviously have so much love for him and keep wondering if he’ll come back but , I’m following the no contact rule .

  9. Avatar

    Casey

    November 8, 2019 at 2:49 am

    Hi Chris,

    I had been exclusively dating this guy for five months and at the start, he had told me how I was the one for him and wanted me to be his wife also in the future. We even talked of having our own kids and named them too (just 3 weeks ago).

    We ‘ended’ three weeks ago when he asked for space suddenly cox I’ve been showing him my insecurities over the last few months. He is aware (cox I just ended my divorce not long ago). From the start he had alr told me I’m the one for him as I would make a good wife to him too. He’s able to accept my son as well.

    After he asked for ‘space’, I agreed. We didn’t contact for one week but he did ask to meet. When we met, the date was v short unlike the prev time tgt and I knew he was alr seeing someone new. I went into NC for one week and decided to celebrate for him his bday which was the week after. On his bday, I knew it maybe the last time we would have a good time tgt so I dressed my best and smiled my best to leave a memorable imprint. We did talk during his bday lunch with smiles but he was so occupied with his phone texting. I even gave him a birthday hug and he did hug me back too.

    I had thought that after his bday lunch we could spend the rest of his bday tgt but as expected, he cut short the date n claimed to be going home tho he did offer to send me back. I texted him after he left n sent him all of our pics taken – saying that I wished him happiness and it when December comes (cox it’s my bday period) and he doesn’t have a gf yet, hope he can still celebrate for me as a friend. I even went to our common fb account (just him and my pics), and uploaded the lunch date pics and a note – “ thank you for the wonderful memory and I’ve not been my best to u, but thank u for accommodating me as well. I enjoyed spending ur bday tgt with u although it was for a short while.”

    He never replied me thereafter. Idk what is he thinking inside , either he could be ‘angry’ I decided to give up first totally. Becox I felt that his heart wasn’t with me anymore. We lost the emotional attraction when three weeks ago, all was still good and sweet. So I decided to let him go.

    One day later, he posted in Instagram a pic of him and his bday cake taken by the ‘new girl’. He wrote a caption of – sad quotes (like how nobody wanted to leave and if we could have begged for the other to stay). At the end of the pic, he thanked the ‘girl’ with her initial. During the last few months when we dated, he never once posted anything about us before and he openly thanked this girl for his bday who celebrated for him that night itself (after meeting me).

    I’m now in NC and didn’t reach out to him. My cushion and shoes are still in his car. He didn’t text me either to get it back. We are still friends on social media. I’ve been posting positive pics and took up new dance class after his bday becox I didn’t want him to know my emotional breakdowns which I had for two weeks. I told myself that I’ll become a better version of myself like what Chris have suggested and I’ve came to realize I needed to walk out of this emotional dependence I had with him.

    We were too involved with each other to the point that he prioritized me every single week meeting me only rather than his friends. So therefore the emotional attraction went down hill and he prolly realized he needed his space and also there came someone new that attracted him. I didn’t tell him that I knew he was seeing someone else but I gave him my blessings positively. Cox to him, I’ve been v needy and he knows it v well. I want to show myself now that actually I can refocus my energy back to my own goals and dreams.

    I’m not sure to take back my stuff and I guess he is also sorting out his thoughts, tho I felt he really ‘changed’ after the new person came alone. I was hurt yes but I still felt he may contact me one day. Or he’s waiting for me to take my things back from him. He still left my cushion in his car when I met him last week on his bday. It’s been 1 week and four days since NC. In this case; I should still stick to it till 30 days later or max 45 days NC is that right? Pls kindly advise thank u!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 8:45 pm

      Hey there, so because of the new girl you need to go to 45 so it gives them enough time to pass the “honeymoon” phase so that you can do the being there method. You can find all this information on this website

  10. Avatar

    Linda

    November 7, 2019 at 11:01 pm

    Hi, so me and this guy decided to call it quits after almost 3 months. It was a LDR since August and I decided to meet him in Ireland (which is where he lives) but we never talked about having the title. We had an amazing connection and we both thought we were perfect for each other. However, he did things that made me suspicious about him still being on the apps while telling me he loves me, etc. I was willing to give it a shot but he’s had terrible experiences with LDRs so he wasn’t willing to try (which then I felt unworthy of myself) He wants to stay friends but I said I’d reach out when I’m ready. I’ve been doing NC but a week and a half later post breakup, he msgs me telling me he misses me. At this point I really do want to “win” the breakup and make him regret what he lost. What are some tips?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 9:22 pm

      Hi Linda, so the tips are – No Contact, Ungettable Girl, Holy Trinity work. So you have to read a few articles and put the input that is needed to have the impact on him. The fact he has just told you he misses you is great but I hope you didnt reply and stuck to your NC for the full effect of you walking away.

  11. Avatar

    Robin L Wehmeyer

    November 7, 2019 at 7:55 pm

    Ive been seeing this guy on and off for about a little over a year and we just recently had a bad break up about 2 weeks ago while i was out with friends because he decided to go hang with his friends last minute. And it just ended in a bad fight after that to where things were said on both ends and we broke up. a few days later I did reach out leaving a short text apologizing for how things went down and he apologized as well. I didnt reply to him after that. Then saturday, he asked if i was at the bar.. i read it and didnt reply right away and then got kind of an angry text back from him. so i replied saying i was there but i ended up leaving bc i needed to go home. so i dont know if he ended up going or not. i havent talked to him since bc im trying so hard to do this NC. I did notice the other day he deleted me from social media. I think it might be to get my attention. Ive never done this NC before bc I’m always the one to reach out and make things right and basically chase him like a puppy dog. Am i doing this right? Please help me??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 6:45 pm

      Yes you are doing this right Robin so keep going! make sure you’re posting to social media how happy and well life is going because he will be checking and I am so happy you didn’t react to him removing you on Facebook

  12. Avatar

    Eleanor

    October 28, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    Hi..
    I will be very straight and quick
    My boyfriend lies a lot to me, we are together since 1 year and 3 months almost
    Recently he went out to club with his girls “Friends” I really never met, and he had no idea I knew that he was there with those people
    I didn’t talk to him for 2 days but he is not even asking for a true apology, but calling me non stopping
    He has ego issues but he stills claims to love me really much which i know somewhere really he does..
    How can i fix this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 1:33 pm

      Hi Eleanor, you can do a 30 day NC where he is given the chance to work out why you are mad, but if he has no idea I would explain to him why you are mad and why you are not wanting to speak right now. And then if he apologises go from there.

  13. Avatar

    Lost

    October 23, 2019 at 11:47 pm

    Hi ; I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 weeks who I super like – we were hanging out every day and having sex every day he was perfect to me- until …. I blacked out n went crazy insecure and crazy mean things I’d say and text …. he gave me another chance n over looked it . I did it AGAIN . He gave me another chance … 3 days later I did it again and then Friday we were to meet after the club cuz I was looking really good and I did it AGAIN he told me to go home and sleep – the next Day he told me he wasn’t cutting me off but that I have a problem where I black out and talk shit and go crazy I know I have an alcohol problem if I’m blocking out it happens a whenever stress is going on in my life – I told him I’d give him space Saturday comes around he sees me out he says hello but he doesn’t want to hang out with me I was so hurt so I decided not to drink at all and then I texted him that night and I was like I’m so sorry I hope you have a great night I wish you wanted to come hang out so I now went from being crazy to being needy Sunday he texted me and told me that he had just gone home and that he hoped I had fun that night because he watched my Snapchat and I made sure that I had other people like guys in my snap showing that I was having fun not caring Monday I sent him one snap and he responded and then I just decided to stop responding . So I never responded to his text we didn’t talk tuesday it’s wensday and he hit me up but he’s finally back to asking what I am doing and how I’m doing it’s basically been two days of no contact should I respond or should I keep waiting .

    I was the problem – I’m assuming this guy must really like me to give me that many chances but I definitely felt the pull away – So I’m wondering should I just still not respond and wait for him to double text me or just don’t respond until I see him out this weekend or if I don’t respond will he just MoveOn because we were in a full-blown out relationship we just started seeing each other But he initially told me he wants a relationship with me – and super into me until the black outs happened – It was a mixture of stress going on in my life and trying to be comfortable and not insecure

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2019 at 9:42 pm

      Hey Lost, you need to go seek some professional help with what happens when you drink alcohol and address those issues. It isnt fair to anyone to have to deal with the angry outbursts. That is what you need to do and explain to the guy that you are genuinely going to see someone about this. Starting with your GP so that they can refer you to the correct person. Good Luck

  14. Avatar

    anyango ann

    October 1, 2019 at 5:08 am

    I played my cards well on how to get my ex back and it reached a point he was seeing the right reason to get ba k with though still seeing his girlfriend i thought it would be wise not to contact him but i kept postponing it one time i did it for some days and he started this crazy behaviour but i texted him back after it all it seems he chose his girlfriend over me but he still want me as a friend in his life do you think i still have chances if i don’t contact him

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 1, 2019 at 8:21 pm

      Hi Anyagno, so when you started to No Contact him he went crazy, but then you replied. So you 100% need to complete a full NC and then reach out using a text that is not about getting back together or your relationship. If he thinks hes losing you as an option it may be enough to make him take action

  15. Avatar

    Jennifer

    September 25, 2019 at 3:55 am

    Hi, can you please, please advise me, I was seeing this guy for 3.5 months, we had such a great time together, we weren’t ‘official’ as such but all our friends knew about us, we didn’t make it official as he said he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship at the beginning, I really thought he cared about me we did all couple things, spent 5/6 days/nights a week together the last few weeks and he really made me believe he cared, he went on holiday for 2 weeks and just before he got back text me and said he had decided he definitely did not want a relationship, I was devastated but said okay it’s your choice etc. I started no contact and 10 days into it he text me saying he hoped I had a good weekend and that I had a chilled week ahead, why is he texting me? Does he even care? I text back and said, I had a great weekend, hope he did too, have had no contact since, what is he thinking? Does he care or not I’m so confused, why would he text me when I told him that if he didn’t want me that’s fine was his choice. Do I just continue No contact and see whether he comes back or not? Thank you so much. Jen

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 26, 2019 at 8:31 pm

      Hi Jennifer, so what hes doing is trying to get you back to ‘seeing each other’ where you got the benefits of a relationship without the label. He is looking for what you had the first time around. IF you want a relationship with this guy you’re going to have to complete your NC and then start rebuilding you’re connection with him based on you wanting more, if he is still not wanting to commit you have to show your worth and work up the value chain. All this information can be found in more detail through this website

  16. Avatar

    Jenn

    August 18, 2019 at 1:51 pm

    i wasnt even official with my “ex” – we were seeing each other for almost 12 weeks. he had reservations, it started out as a FWB but then he said he was getting feelings and we weren’t going to be in that situation (FWB) forever. a few weeks later i said if you’re still unsure, i dont want to be with someone who is unsure. and he said he was still unsure and didnt see a future. i dont even think the NC will work here since we weren’t even together. i did really like him, though.

  17. Avatar

    Jc

    August 14, 2019 at 1:50 am

    I started seeing a man I have known for years about 10 months ago. He had recently separated badly from a long time girlfriend who is also an acquaintance of mine so we thought it best to keep it on the downlow. In the beginning he was worried about what if it didn’t work between us and how would it effect our friendship. I told him there are no guarantees and that all I knew was I enjoyed spending time with him and that whatever happened happened. That I wasn’t going to over think it. The relationship has been wonderful but we only see each other 1 to 2 times a week because of our schedules…. Now 2 weeks ago he started talking about how he worries about us and what happens to our friendship if it doesn’t work out again. How he doesn’t want to hurt me. This his isn’t the first time we have discussed this…. I told him If he didn’t want to see me anymore all he needed to do is just say so. He came back with saying that he thinks we should be friends only. I told him I understand and reassured him that we would just go back to the way we were before. (we weren’t hang out, text, talk on the phone type friends) He got upset stating that he still wanted me to come over, hang out and text and talk just like we have been but he thought we shouldn’t have a sexual relationship. At this point I told him how I felt about him and told him I didn’t think I could handle that. He told me he refuses to lose me in his life. That he will not stop talking to me so that we would have to find a way to make it work because he wasn’t going to lose me. I have tried no contact but now he’s coming into the restaurant I work at once a week when he knows I’m working and talks to me until I talk back. Then hugs me before he leaves I am devestated as it is, I was hoping eventually in time he would get over his last relationship that ended so badly and we could then stop pretending to be just friends and sneeking around. I never pushed for a label or to move in, ect. I’m just so confused as to why he if he doesn’t want me he won’t just walk away. I miss him and his actions are killing me. Does he not understand how hard he is making this for me? Ihow do I do no contact if he keeps showing up?

  18. Avatar

    Sarah

    July 15, 2019 at 1:39 pm

    Hi Chris, would appreciate your help so much. I was recently in a relationship for 9 months with an older guy (7 year difference). He ended the relationship a month ago as the age difference was so big we agreed to keep the relationship a secret for a couple years. Well this prove to be difficult for him as he felt as though the relationship was a dirty secret. I was truly hurt by this as I didn’t see this breakup coming. I want him back so I am in the the no contact period (3 weeks) but he hasn’t reached out. I would just love your help on what to do after the 30 days no contact with still no reply as age is something I can’t change?

  19. Avatar

    Marianne

    June 6, 2019 at 3:52 pm

    My ex and I meant 2 years ago. We dated for 4 months before I moved across the world to New Zealand for a year. We made the long distance work for the year I was gone. It wasn’t always easy but we worked together to keep the feeling alive. Less than a month after I moved home he wanted to breakup. He said we were different people and that he didn’t see a future for us. Just over 2 weeks later he was messaging me. We hungout 4 times that week going on dates and we did sleep together. We talked about getting back together and he agreed to take things slow. The day after we agreed to be together he started to become very distant. I message him saying it was clear that he is still confused about what he wants and that he should take time to himself. That was 3 weeks ago. I heard from him randomly since but I officially started no contact a week ago. Do you think I damaged our relationship too much for no contact to work?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 6, 2019 at 10:04 pm

      Hi Marianne…I don’t think so. It well worth the effort. Check out my Program to learn how to do it best!

  20. Avatar

    Shahrzad

    June 3, 2019 at 12:51 pm

    Hi. I was with my ex for almost 7 years and we study together in same university same classes..3 Years ago our relationship started to be on and off. He said he had commitment issues and that we better be friends. I was afraid to loose him so I agreed. Sometimes it felt that nothing has changed and we didn’t tell anyone we broke up. He was there for me anytime I needed him. I was diagnosed with depression and he took care of me. But yet he didn’t want us to be gf/bf and as far as I know he hasn’t been dating but for I while I kept my distance bcuz we started to argue a lot and after a month we talked again and I found out he’s been fooling around w girls. Then when I talked about it he stopped but yet he said we r friends(actually friends with benefit).past couple of months we spent a lot of time together. He tell the girls that I’m his friend but he told his male friends that I’m still his gf. I didn’t get it and I didn’t ask him.now I’m traveling for 2 months to visit my family and we had argument and he said he might want to date or he might be dating and I shud give him space. Idk what to do and I don’t want him to be with other girls.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 3, 2019 at 3:19 pm

      I do think giving him some space is probably the right medicine. Sometimes guys don’t know what they have until its missing in their life.

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