By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 8th, 2021

So, you want to know exactly what your ex boyfriend is thinking about during the no contact rule, do ya?

I’ll admit that lately this has been a very popular topic for the Private Facebook Group.

You know, it’s been really amazing seeing hundreds of women communicate in our group about their breakups. I pick up on all sorts of perspectives that I never would have thought of by myself before.

For example, one of the things that has become clear is that men react very differently to the no contact rule.

One woman can use the no contact rule on her ex and get messages like this,

Where another woman can use it and get nothing from her ex.

But in my half decade of advising women on how to get their exes back there is one thing I have learned about the no contact rule that no one out there ever talks about. It isn’t so much the panicky text messages that you get from your ex during the no contact rule that matter it’s whats going on inside of that head of his!

That’s where this article is going to come into play.

I am going to tell you EXACTLY what’s going on inside of an ex boyfriends mind during the no contact rule by using facts… pure unadulterated facts.

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Wait… How Are You Going To Use Facts?

The more and more I sit back and think about what I have over the rest of my competition out there it’s numbers and successes.

I am willing to pit my numbers, experience and successes over any one of my competitors out there.

What’s the big advantage here?

Well, since I have had so many success stories in my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery (and actually interviewed the women with them here, here and here) I have noticed something pretty darn cool. The women who get their exes back ask them about their time during the no contact rule so they gain the ultimate insight into what their men were actually thinking.

After they have gained that insight they actually report back to me (because they are happy they got him back.)

Do you see where I am going here?

I am going to piggyback off of the successful women who have heard what their exes are actually thinking during the no contact rule and let you in on all of the secrets.

In other words, you are going to get insight into your own man by hearing what real men are thinking during the no contact rule.

Oh, and since I am a man I am going to throw in a few of my very own insights.

Sound good?

Let’s begin!

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Thought #1: She Has To Contact Me First

Out of all the thoughts I am going to let you in on today this is the one that resonates with me the most.

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Well, I actually have personal experience with this.

This was the exact thought that I had during my very first breakup.

I literally remember thinking,

There is no way I am going to message here or think about talking to her. She is going to have to talk to me first.

And that’s exactly what happened.

She reached out to me first and it just fed into my ego that “I was winning the breakup.”

It wasn’t until later that I realized that me “winning” also meant that I had lost attraction for her.

You see, I am sure if you were to ask me while I was going through that breakup if I would ever consider taking her back I would have said yes.

In fact, I seem to recall a time where I literally thought to myself,

I bet if I really tried to get her back I could… But she’s going to have to contact me first.

And then it happened.

One day my phone buzzed…

I picked it up…

And lo and behold I got this text,

In that moment I truly felt like I could get her back whenever I wanted and in that moment I felt I had no desire to get her back anymore.


Well, there was no challenge to it.

Besides, we had a very tough relationship and it was just enough headwind to not make me take any action to rectify things.

Of course, this is a personal story from me. So, how do I know that this is a reaction other men will have outside of me?

Well, I’d like to turn your attention to “Kelly’s” ex boyfriend below,

A bit of background on this one.

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Kelly is actually a part of our Private Facebook Group (which is actually offered to all of my one on one coaching clients for free) and she didn’t hear from her ex at all during the no contact rule. So, naturally she was wondering what he was thinking and I eventually told her the story I just told you.

This is what she had to say after she got him back and asked him what he was thinking,

I’m back with him because he said he was too stubborn but he had been waiting to hear from me and he missed me and he wanted it all to work out.

This is real proof.

Not just some story I made up.

This is a real reaction from a real man when the no contact rule is being done to him.

Thought #2: Why Isn’t She Contacting Me?

Close your eyes and imagine something for a minute for me.

You and your ex go through a really horrible breakup.

(Wait… that probably already happened.)

Anyways, you go through this really rough breakup and decide that you are going to do the no contact rule on him.

Of course, your ex is of the mind that the two of you should be “friends” so he reaches out a few days after the breakup with a text message like this,

Pretty basic message, right?

So, in his head he’s thinking that you are going to respond within a few minutes of him sending that text to you.

There’s just one little hiccup in his plan.

He doesn’t have the slightest idea that you are in the midst of a no contact period and when your response doesn’t come he starts to panic and sends something like this,

You see, he figures that if he acts caring towards you that you are going to break down and respond to him. Of course, since you are incredibly intelligent you decide to ride things out in the no contact rule by not responding to him.

Of course, when that happens he gets a little angry by the fact that you couldn’t acknowledge “how nice he was being to you.”

That’s when you start getting text messages like these,

Do you see the progression?

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How it starts off innocent and then slowly but surely evolves into anger by the fact that you are ignoring him.

It’s at this point where one singular thought is going to dominate,

Wait… why isn’t she contacting me or responding?

Now, before I started down this path I made a solemn vow.

My Vow = Every thought that I claim a man has during the no contact rule has to be backed up by real reactions by real men.

Well, I’d like to introduce you to Kathy!

Kathy is one of the most active members in the Private Facebook Group which she got access to after purchasing my book and she’s obviously dead set on getting her ex back.

Would you like to see the results Kathy is getting with the no contact rule?

Well, this is a post she recently posted to the Facebook Group,

Now, here’s a bit of context.

Kathy has been in the no contact rule for about two weeks at this point and you can see how he’s totally breaking down by the fact that she isn’t responding to him,

  • She has gotten 8 phone calls from him
  • Out of those 8 phone calls he has left 4 voicemails
  • She has also gotten a lot of text messages scattered throughout the day

So, why would her ex boyfriend act this crazy?

Well, let’s think about things from his perspective for a moment.

During his relationship with Kathy the two of them got into a certain routine.

He would text her…

She would text him back…

He would text her back…

And so on and so forth.

Now, here is the crazy part. Kathy told me that this routine actually continued after the two of them broke up.

It’s really strange, I have never had a breakup like this before. It’s almost like we are still dating but without the “official title.”

It was at this point that we advised Kathy to enter into a no contact rule and that’s when the fireworks began.

You see, by implementing the no contact rule on her ex Kathy has essentially interrupted the pattern that he had grown so accustomed to.

Instead of having his normal responses he is literally sitting there thinking,

Why isn’t she responding to me?

And this singular thought is motivating him enough to try to do everything in his power to get her to respond.

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Thought #3: She’s Not Reaching Out To Me… Good! I Wasn’t Going To Get Back With Her Anyways

For many of you this is your ultimate nightmare but I am going to show you something that is going to completely re-frame the way you look at a man who has this thought.

But before I do that let’s talk a little bit about the state of mind a man is in who is thinking this.

So, the complete thought is,

She’s not reaching out to me…. GOOD! I wasn’t going to get back with her anyways.

This almost has an immature tone to it, doesn’t it?

For example, because you ignored your ex he is going to say/think something to limit his potential future (being with you.)

In other words, it is a reaction to the fact that he isn’t getting his way.

Anger is what usually sparks these kind of thoughts.

Think back to your relationship now.



Are you there?



Ok, let me ask you a question.

Did your ex boyfriend ever say that he hated you or that the two of you would never be together again during your breakup?

Well, chances are that he said that during a moment of pure anger.

I mean, I don’t know many things that are as painful or angering as a breakup.

Do you?

Of course, when I try to explain to women that their ex boyfriends don’t necessarily mean what they are saying when they say they hate you, they are simply reacting to the emotions that they are feeling in that moment, it doesn’t seem to get through their heads.

Which is why I would like to introduce you to Sarah Michelle!

Now, Sarah Michelle has a bit of an interesting story.

You see, I first met Sarah Michelle on one of my Facebook Lives within the private facebook group which she got access to after purchasing my book.

(If you didn’t already know I do Facebook Lives in the group three days a week: Monday, Wednesday and Friday!)

At the time she asked her question I was really into watching another very popular “Sarah Michelle,”

Yep, Sarah Michelle Gellar (AKA: Buffy The Vampire Slayer.)

Now, if you are new to this site then one thing that you are going to learn about me very quickly is that there are two television shows that I love above all!

Show #1: Game of Thrones

Show #2: Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Anyways, I jokingly started referring to Sarah Michelle in the group as Buffy and the name kind of stuck.

Now, let’s fast forward a month to when we receive this fun little post in the group,

So, not only did she find a way to get her ex back but she is actually engaged to him know.

Buffy got game!

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Umm… What the hell does this even have to do with him saying that he isn’t interested in me?

Well, when I actually interviewed buffy about her success she said something that I thought was incredibly telling.

It was just so out of nowhere and I see all this girls on like the Facebook live, like their ex tells them, “I don’t love you anymore” like, “You’re too much” like, “We’re never going to be together again,” I heard all those things, all of them.

I heard every single one of those things come out of his mouth. When it came down to it, I found out he didn’t mean any of it, none of it. And I think that’s the hardest thing to comprehend, when you’re going through it because I feel a lot of the girls like in the Facebook page, all the guys say that and like when you hear it, like you just don’t understand at all.

Interesting, eh?

So, what Buffy is saying here is that her ex basically gave her all the common breakup excuses that you hear out there but when push came to shove she found out that he didn’t mean any of them.

And I have to say that this is a common trend I see time and time again.

So, while you may initially think it’s the end of the world if your ex has this thought that he isn’t going to take you back I am here to tell you that it’s not the end of the world.

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Thought #4: I Am Going To Win This Breakup

I want to switch gears for a moment here and talk a little bit about thoughts I have had during my actual self imposed no contact rules during breakups.

You see, the way I figure it is that statistically speaking if I am having a thought during a no contact period other men are bound to have the same exact thoughts.

Sure, there may be a few exceptions here and there who don’t think the same ways that I do but generally speaking I serve as a pretty good litmus test.

Now, the thing you have to understand about me (and other men) is the fact that some of us like to view breakups as a competition.

Such a male thing to do… I know.

And like with any good competition there is a winner and a loser.

I think it’s important to define what the winner and the loser of a breakup are.

Winner = The person who makes their significant other fawn after them and regret their decision.

Loser = The person who fawns over their significant other and regrets their decision.

During my very first breakup I remember very clearly having this exact mindset.

I was going to do everything I possibly could to “win” the breakup or die trying.

Of course, that’s when an idea sparked in my head. Care to take a guess at what that idea was?

Go ahead and reference thought #1 in this article.




Done referencing?

That was my idea.

Isn’t it interesting how there is a strange synergy between thought #4 and thought #1.

If I hadn’t set out to “win the breakup” I wouldn’t have ever thought to “make her contact me first.”

Now, I am not one for making bold statements without having statistical proof to back them up. However, if I was a betting man I think I’d end up getting rich off of betting on the fact that most men will seek to “win the breakup” after they go through one. In fact, this is a concept that I am constantly trying to explain to my one on one coaching clients so that they fully understand the mindset of a man.

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Why the heck does this even matter?

Well, I think it’s important to understand this mindset because it will springboard a man to have so many other thoughts during the no contact rule.

Take my example above.

I probably wouldn’t have ever thought of waiting until my ex contacted me first if I wasn’t trying to “win the breakup.”

I mean, there are so many different analogies I can draw from to prove this point.

Take any professional athlete, a profession where you get paid based on your ability to compete.

These men and women will do anything to win at their sport.

Heck, some of them take it so seriously that they cheat by using PED’s like steroids.

The important thing to remember here is that competition drives them to do it.

And a man with the mindset that he is going to “win the breakup” is essentially turning things into a competition and that means you can expect some crazy behavior from him.

Keep that in mind!

Thought #5: I’ve Lost Her Forever

I want to save the best for last!

Out of every single thought I have mentioned in this article this is the thought that you absolutely want your ex boyfriend to have.

But more on that in a second.

Yesterday I was interviewing Anna from our Facebook group.

If you didn’t already know, Anna is one of our superstar members who got her ex back,

Anyways, Anna was nice enough to agree to an interview with me where I got to pick her brain about how she used my system to get her ex back.

And during this interview she said something that really fascinated me,

“You know Chris… I asked him that if I hadn’t of reached out to him after the no contact rule if we would still be together and he said no.”

Now, this fascinates me because this isn’t actually the first time I have heard this from a woman who has gotten her ex back.

In fact, I have been hearing variations of this type of response from ex boyfriends.

So, what does it mean?

Well, at the core it means that they had hit that point where they were wanting to hear from their exes (you) but had mentally prepared themselves to move on.

Now, maybe this isn’t a revolutionary insight but I actually think it is.

I mean, it’s at the point where your ex gives up on you that you can actually have a lot of success at shifting things in your favor.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that almost every success story that I have talked to in person has repeated this insight from their exes.

Now, why do you think that is?

Well, I think it has a lot to do with “the unexpected.”

Let’s take a walk around in your exes shoes for a minute.

So, your ex hits this point in his mind where he literally thinks to himself,

I have lost her forever…

Therefore his paradigm has shifted and he has literally convinced himself of this.


I think it’s important for me to remind you that you are in the midst of a no contact rule at this point.


After your no contact rule is finished you send your ex the following text message,

Now, this is completely unexpected to him.


Because he has literally convinced himself that he has no chance with you ever again and this text is a ray of hope.

In other words, it’s unexpected and that makes it even more powerful than it would have originally been.

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546 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Catarina

    August 29, 2021 at 8:50 pm

    Hi there, I was just reading your post while I’m dealing with a hard situation. I broke up with my ex due the distance 4 months ago but since then we always had contact because he wanted to be friends while he’s dating other girls but I still didn’t forget him. I don’t believe in frienship after a break up. He was sick this week and I was always there for him, then when when he got well again and went out again, we was talking and he mentioned something we ate together once on a date etc, 5 min later tells me he went on a date wtf. I said “it’s enough, I don’t deserve this and I’m leaving”, the next day I blocked him but then I texted him and he said to me that I said I was not talking to him anymore but I did. Today I didn’t text him either call, after 4 months, I made the decision “no contact rule” for the first time and it was super hard. He didn’t text me or call me aswell. Does he thinks I will come back as usual and text him first? I asked him “you are always saying that I block you but then I come back later, you really want me to disappear from your life?” and he said “I want to talk to you with no drama” but I didn’t talk to him anymore, and he didn’t text me aswell. What does he pretends from he or thinks right now?

  2. Sunshyne

    April 26, 2021 at 3:56 pm

    My ex got caught with a girl after 10years,so he claimed that he no longer spoke to her. I forgave him and I caught him with her again 4months later. I give up. She claims to be a minister. I am sick 2my stomach BUTTTTTTTTTT I am not going to contact him again!!

  3. Jan

    April 6, 2021 at 7:47 pm

    My boyfriend of 9 months still has his ex coming and going out of the house ,, he says they are working on splitting up their possessions but she is causing a wedge between us and I am very bitter and insecure … I’ve told him I am stepping back until she is gone and if he still wants to resume our relationship to contact me when he does …. how I am terrified that he won’t want me … but I have to keep my dignity and make him finally end things with her or let me go .. what do I do ???

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 8, 2021 at 10:02 pm

      Hi Jan I get this can be awkward for you but you should understand that the face you feel insecure has nothing to do with the ex. It is you who needs to work on your self esteem. I get its uncomfortable, but if you like this guy then he will be worth this difficult stage. Just know this is not forever, this will pass. It’s only your call if its worth the wait.

  4. Anxious

    April 1, 2021 at 12:29 am

    I had to break no contact because he kept sending me memes so I set a boundary to tell him to stop. This is my third attempt at no contact. This person has also told me they just “do not feel the same” about me. In addition, my ex is a fearful avoidant attachment type. I feel like I’ve lost hope at getting him back.

  5. O

    March 21, 2021 at 11:14 am

    I am in no contact, but I have accidentally called my ex when I had meant to call a different person in my phone log. I terminated the call as soon as I realised and although I’m not sure if it even rang out, he will still have had a notification appear on his phone that I called. I didn’t message or anything to let him know it was a mistake, and he didn’t message me or try to call me back, so it’s as if it didn’t really happen, although he probably thinks I was trying to get his attention. My question is, does this count as breaking no contact and because of this do I need to go back to the beginning and start no contact all over again from day one?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 21, 2021 at 12:12 pm

      Hi O, yes you have broken NC so you need to restart and the fact he didnt get in touch with you to see why you called too means that he will likely, as you said, think you did this to get his attention.

  6. Lavs

    February 9, 2021 at 4:50 pm

    hi. I intitaed no contact rule. one week he kept texting me and I ignored. on 7th day he called me. I ignored it too. as soon as I didn’t attend call he t xtd me saying ‘bye.. will not disturb you hereaftr’ since he jeptvtxtng I sent him I need time as m wrking on myself. he replied it saying :enjoy’. on the same day he txtd some txt and at the same txt he said ‘take care.. all the best’…. he is sounds as if he is not gonna talk to me ever. I m just afraid. how do I deal with this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 9, 2021 at 5:56 pm

      Hi Lavs, this is normal behavior and showing that it was working – You need to stick with it for it to work Your ex can get angry, but he does not get to dictate when you do and don’t talk to him! He ended things with you, let him feel that loss!

  7. Unsureanon

    December 12, 2020 at 9:52 pm

    My boyfriend of four years and myself got into a pretty bad fight where we decided to not break up but take space from each other. Before I left out of state, he texted saying he’d message me. It’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t heard a peep even though he checks my social media. Should I give him more time or prepare for the worst?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 13, 2020 at 4:00 pm

      Hey there, I would say go to 30 days NC before reaching out.

  8. Hannah

    December 6, 2020 at 10:39 pm

    My ex also told me that he was being stubborn when he wasn’t replying to my texts. I did get emotional when we “broke up”; he didn’t actually break it off with me, he just ghosted. Actually, Im technically the one who told him if he didn’t call me to talk, that it was over. I didn’t want it or actually mean it…. He does call me up every now and then, but the time between is pretty long. I am trying no contact right now. We were talking for 9 months the first time, then we started talking again, then he ghosted. Called me up a few months later and we said we would try again, but he shut down, again, and ghosted, 1 month later. I feel like my situation is completely hopeless. He is in the army, the first time we broke up was before a deployment. We started talking when he was deployed, and he ghosted when he came home. He said he had a rough time when coming back. So that’s when we said we would try again, but I don’t feel like we ever had a fair shot. I did get emotional on him. Trying to not contact for 30-45 days. He lives a few hours away, has no social media and no friends in common. Is there any shot or any other means of approach or are we just damned?
    – Hannah

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 2, 2021 at 10:32 pm

      Hey Hannah, there are a few in similar situations as yourself with the long distance and no mutual friends, the things that you need to focus on is your NC and working on yourself during that time so when you reach out to your ex you are in a much better place by that time. Also understanding of the program is going to help you with when and how to reach out to your ex

  9. .

    September 27, 2020 at 5:34 pm

    I’m in a complicated situation. We are both married with children but have been having an emotional affair for 5 years. We are never planning on anything physical happening, and never ever intend on leaving our partners who we both love. We got into this innocently through friendship and somehow feelings developed. We’ve had a few minor arguments and I’ve told him to leave me alone, but always made contact apologising a few days later. This time I was stern and told him it’s best for verything for us to not be friends and told him not to contact me again. I’ve blocked him on everything possible. I miss him so much, he was the only person I felt so close and open with. It’s been 2 weeks and it’s the longest we haven’t spoke. I don’t need to hear how bad we are for doing what we’re doing, we are aware. I just wondered if the nc could work here, I know I shouldn’t want to speak again but I do.

  10. Marie

    August 26, 2020 at 7:10 am


    My boyfriend and I had such a beautiful (passionate and kind) love. But ….We broke up so many times over the past year due to his ex girlfriend causing drama that we both didn’t want. He lost his mother and then we were separated for five months. Then I lost my job due to the pandemic (I’m a single parent) and was struggling with clinical depression. During this time, his father and two sisters (who are very damaging and manipulative and do-dependent) have been telling him he needs a girlfriend without kids, that I’ve broken up with him too many times, that he needs to focus on his immediate family, that he’s too good for me. The truth is I’ve poured myself into this relationship…. and he’s been unsure about the future, focused on himself, and never really spending time with my daughter.

    So he came back and we had a great night together…. and then the next day he has dinner with friends (I hadn’t seen him for five months!) and then I only saw him a few times a week. When he came back I was hoping we’d move in together, but instead he signed up for a new property for a year on his own. Last year he talked about marriage and this year nothing. I felt like he wasn’t trying anymore and one night we had drinks and I drank too much and lot my temper…. I told him to let me go as he clearly didn’t love me. He tried to convince me to stay but the argument escalated and I walked away.

    The next day I found out his ex girlfriend had been at a social event where he was a week before we broke up and I sent a hurt message saying to never contact me again. And he replied ‘thinking of you’. I calmed down and the next day sent a message saying thanking for the past year and wishing him all the best. He replied with a long message saying how grateful he was for my message and how he’ll never forget spending his last Christmas with his mum with me there. He wished me all the best, told me I was an amazing woman and told me to take care.

    I downloaded the programmes on here and started NC the day after that text. It’s been 9 days. He hasn’t changed his Facebook picture of us (maybe because he doesn’t want his horrible ex to find out through friends), he hasn’t messaged or called, I’ve taken on a personal trainer and am interviewing for a great new job and I’m moving apartment to somewhere more beautiful. The only post I have on Facebook since the breakup is one of me looking happy at the gym, with my new hairstyle.

    But we haven’t swapped over the belongings we left at each other’s places. I haven’t messaged about it too obviously.

    So, because I dumped him and walked away…. can this NC thing still work for me?

    What if he’s simply just tired of the drama and wants to peacefully call it a day? Can NC work?

    My daughter has her birthday in 2 weeks and thinks he’ll be there which is so hard. I know I can’t ask him to come and he isn’t emotionally clever enough to realise he should.

    I find myself crying in the shower for him every day so that my daughter doesn’t see. Some friends are telling me to walk away as he was never going to commit and some were telling me that as I dumped him I should tell him I miss him. But there was a reason why I lost my temper and couldn’t take it anymore.

  11. Tan1010

    July 27, 2020 at 6:26 pm

    I and boyfriend are together or not I don’t know, he left me several times as we had horrible issues at past because I was clingy most of the times and I had created a public sham by fighting in public and he can’t get over that bad past. I have begged various times and he agreed to stay but can’t afford to beg every single time to be with him. Should I or not be doing no contact as he is stubborn and says that he hates me and doesn’t want me anymore. I do love him truly and I have worked on improving my mistakes but he doesn’t seem to trust me and finds ways to get rid of me. Any solution. How many days of no contact works for such a situation where the guy says he doesnt love me and just coming back to my life just because I want him to ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 27, 2020 at 9:59 pm

      Hi Tan, I would say that you definitely need to into a No Contact and work on your emotional control and your issues. If you have had physical violence then I would say that you do not want to get this person back and you need to spend some time to work on yourself and get over this ex and the toxic relationship

  12. Rebecca

    July 8, 2020 at 2:36 pm

    I am currently doing no contact and I’m 23/45 days in. This is the second time we broke up and I’m worried no contact won’t work in trying to get him back. He is very stubborn and I can imagine him saying we tried again and it didn’t work. We broke up because I have bad anxiety and he said we need to work on ourselves and you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 2:54 pm

      Hi Rebecca, so he is not wrong, you need to love yourself to be in a happy and healthy relationship. However when you have anxiety that is hard to love yourself all the time. As long as you are spending some time working on yourself and learning how to control your anxiety. He should see your positive progress and make sure that you are using social media to show how you are doing well and spending time with friends and possibly around other guys too before reaching out to him to start your texting phase.

  13. Julia

    June 28, 2020 at 8:43 am

    Hi, very serious situation going on here. My boyfriend and I had such a good chemistry and was deeply in love , until we stopped meeting for about 3 months now due to the lockdown in my country. We both got more irritable day by day and started getting annoyed at each other . I broke up with him two times in the past but we got back together (I approached him again pretty soon after I broke up. Yes sounds funny but I can’t seem to live without him). He is very reserved as a person and doesn’t like to show his emotional side. We finally broke up again just some few days ago because he was complaining about me and seemed to be overly suspicious. He has unfollowed me on social media. I have decided to go NC till my birthday which is on 31st July. I hope he wishes me then and we can reconcile. Our breakup was very rough as he was very angry and we didn’t even talk about it well . He said things like “let’s make it final this time” and “forget about me I’ll forget about you too”. What should I do? Is there any chances of us getting back? I need him in my life.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 18, 2020 at 12:23 am

      Hey Julia, there is still chance of getting it back, but to give yourself that chance you need to work on yourself and realise that you do not NEED him in your life, you just want him there. There is a big difference, finding happiness being alone being the first step for you. Work on your Holy Trinity and work to get yourself over your break up so that you can focus now on being the best version of yourself and start re connecting with your ex after you No Contact period is over

  14. suzie Whitehurst

    June 14, 2020 at 10:05 am

    hi, i love your site, i have found it really useful and what you write is clear and makes a lot of sense. I’ve worked on myself and am now on day 26 of NC but have not heard anything from him other than he liked a post of mine on instagram a few weeks ago. I stupidly liked one of his after that, but ignored any since then. I pushed him away with being needy and anxious during lockdown and he gave me a few chances, but eventually called it a day saying that it made him feel bad that he upset me all the time and that he didn’t like that he wasn’t labelling what we were, that i deserved better. I want to contact him to get back some belongings, would this be a good way to approach him? I cant think of anthing that I could interest him with as you suggest and feel that it would seem a bit odd?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 11:10 pm

      Hi Suzie, so we suggest that you do not reach out for the first time after NC to get your belongings back as it refers back to the break up. Thinking of something he is interested in and hooking his attention is how you are going to get a short positive conversation from him

  15. Olivia

    June 13, 2020 at 9:38 am

    Hi hope you well,,,very interesting story NC in the process of trying it myself. Broke up with my fiance and have been responding to his texts if he ask’ s me about our unborn baby and doctor’s visits.but I only respond on what he ask and leave it there I don’t say looks like he has someone else not so sure about it but I’m not allowing it to bother me.

  16. Alya

    June 12, 2020 at 1:59 am


    Please i need your help.

    I had a bIg fight with my 5 yrs boyfriend a week ago while we were On a lovely date for finding out he lied to me. I was so mad, said alot of things like u wont see my face again; i wont be the one to reach out this time; im done with all of this and much more..he remained silent all he said was i love u and want u other than that nothing other than showing that he is so angry Of what is happening. As always he remains silent as if its a better way to handle fights, i know he loves me, he always wants to be together but never be the one who reaches out. He stalks me, fOllows me & knows where i go, yet never initiates the talking part. Anw after the fight i grabbed my things and left very mad saying alot of things like i cant handle him anymore etc.. i knew he wont send anything, it has been a week by now. He turned on the last seen on the app that we usually use to only talk to each other ( when it was off for both of us before ) but he turned it on when he saw that i reactivated the app so the last seen settings automatically turns on and he keeps on going online from time to time opening our chat as i said before we only use this app to talk to eachother. I havent contacted him since i left mad a week ago. Until today i sent an empty 2 secs voice msg by mistake! I stressed out, saw that he opened it and he said nothing so i sent him saying : now u recieve a msg from me what ever it is and ignore it? He immediately replied that : it obvious it is sent by mistake. My reply was : even if it wasn’t, now it is. He asked what ” even it wasnt ” ?. Me : it does not needs explaining. He replies : what is in a 2 sec voice ? I said it doesnt matter if it was a 2 sec Or 20 mins, what does is what u said & it was enough. He was online waiting for me to reply, the moment i sent this he read it immediately, turns Off the seen seetings and never replied back. I feel weak now, nOt the one standing in the strong place, its all because he is the one who stopped replying. He has ego problems does all the following from far, avOid initiating any contact yet always willing to be with me and solve problems. Is what happened to day a mess and so wrong? Is the chance of him missing me and talking is 0%? What should i do after what happened?

    SOrry for the long msg but i rlly need ur help .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 9:35 pm

      Hi Ayla, I would suggest that you follow and stick to a No Contact now for at least 30 days and do not break it no matter what. Work on yourself and your Holy Trinity, and particularly your emotional control as you seem to be quick to upset when it comes to this guy and his actions. If he is showing you no effort, not reaching out or initiating then you need to take that on board when you think about what you want from a partner.

  17. Claire

    May 29, 2020 at 7:26 am

    Hi, hope you are well!

    I was exclusively dating a guy for 5 months but he would never put a label on it. When he ended things, he said that he thought I was the one but he felt like he wasn’t ready to commit because he didn’t know what he wanted. I started NC straight away and ignored 2 texts from him. He rang 5 days later because he wanted to check in and make sure I was ok. It was a really awkward conversation and I told him I didn’t want to be friends. His response was that he would stop bothering me. I have continued NC for another week and a half since then (2 weeks in total) and he is still following me quite closely on social media (liking all my posts and watching my stories really quickly). I’m worried that he won’t initiate contact again because he said he would stop bothering me. Please could you give me some advice? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 8:53 pm

      Hey Claire when you answered that call from your ex you broke NC so you need to start again from the date that you last spoke to him. When you have compelted 30 days full no contact then you reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles

  18. shelley

    May 16, 2020 at 12:56 pm

    i told my ex i was going to do no contact, was this a mistake? do you think i should end this no contact period and then start another unannounced one soon? or can it work if i just let this one continue even though he knows i did it ‘to get over him’? can two no contact periods help or harm the situation???

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 17, 2020 at 8:20 pm

      Hey Shelley, no do not break NC to then start another. Just keep going for 45 days and then start the texting phase

  19. Ann

    May 13, 2020 at 9:02 am

    Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. I beg him for a last chance. The reason of our break up was, he is not showy with his feelings, sometimes I don’t feel that he appreciates me. He told me before that it is really his character. Yesterday we had a fight again about it and I confronted him again. He asked me if I want to break up with him and I agreed, but I realized that I really love him despite of his character, later on I beg for a last chance. He told me that he doesn’t want to have a girlfriend at the moment because he is so stressed and busy with his work. If we are meant to be we will be he said, he also added that we need to freshen up ourselves. But I want him back, I have read this article and I decided to start the No Contact. I unfollowed his post on facebook and muted his stories too. I don’t want him to feel my existence for 1month. So that he will be able to miss me. Is it right not to let him not feel your existence for 1month and No contact. We are in Long distance relationship. I hope I get him back.

  20. Louise

    April 28, 2020 at 6:06 am

    My ex and I are from different countries and we met in another country where we both had working visas for 2 years, throughout the relationship we knew that after we would both have to go home but he said we would figure it out, we lived together an were very in love, when his visa expired he went home and after 3 weeks he told me it wasn’t going to work out and he just needed to start his life at home, we broke up and didn’t speak for about 3 weeks, after that I made contact again and we continued speaking for another 3 months whilst I was travelling, after 2 weeks of being at home talking every day as though we were still together I asked him what was going to happen with us when corona ended and he said that he realises now that he just wants to move and isn’t prepared to do what it takes to make it work between us cos we are too far away and he’s not ready for a commitment, we are now in week 3 of no contact I also deactivated my social media when it happened to avoid having to block or remove him (as I’m an avid story poster and didn’t want him to see my every move) I’m not sure if he will ever reach out or if i should leave the situation and just move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Louise, so if you want to get him back and your form of contact is social media then you are going to have to reactivate this at some point. You are doing well to stick with the No Contact so keep doing it and work on your Holy Trinity during that time. I can’t really tell you to move on or not, that’s really your decision to make and then I can help you in either direction

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