If you want your ex boyfriend to miss you (after your breakup) then you definitely came to the right place. You will find that my site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a lot different than the rest of my peers. I don’t write missing my ex articles for the sake of writing articles. In fact, I would say that I don’t write articles at all.

In this case, I am going to be writing a manifesto (if you will!), that is aimed at helping you figure out ways to make your ex boyfriend miss you in the most wonderful of ways.  I mean really, don’t you want your ex boyfriend thinking about you and all the things the two of you did together, hungering for a return to those times?  Don’t you want him to miss the way you look and smell and taste?

You see, this whole business of creating a longing in your ex boyfriend mind and body is largely about using clever tactics and employing psychological techniques.  To make your ex boyfriend to miss and value you more, you have to do a number of things and stick with your plan, adapting as you go along.

So as you can imagine, to succeed you need a comprehensive Make Him Miss You Guide!  That is what I specialize in.

Can I Really Do Something To Make My Ex Boyfriend Miss Me As Badly As I Am Missing Him?

Yes you can.

You can set into motion a series of events that cause your ex boyfriend to yearn to be with you again.  It’s learning those things you should and shouldn’t do that helps you get him in that mindset where he has to have you back.

You want your ex boyfriend to miss you like crazy, right?  And you want him to start missing you from the day he breaks up with you, right?  Literally, right after the break up.

You want him to to miss you so much more than he could ever imagine.

We are talking re-creating memories about all the places he and you use to frequent. You want him to think about those times and to dwell on them.  Wouldn’t you love to have your ex boyfriend dream of you constantly, fantasizing about hooking up with you?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could see visible evidence of how much your ex boyfriend misses you on Facebook as judged by his posts and his reactions to yours?

Don’t you want him to be overwhelmed with feelings for you that he cannot quiet down?  Wouldn’t you want him to fear that he is losing you and may not see you or that you are getting along just fine without him.

Shouldn’t your ex boyfriend miss kissing you, stroking your hair, holding your hand, and making love to you.

How will you pull all this off?

Because after all, you will want to create a mosaic of emotions that causes your ex boyfriend to get all worked inside, yearning to be with you.

Perhaps he is not even close to acting or thinking that way.

I mean, how do you go from a guy who says he wants nothing to do with you – that he doesn’t care if he never sees you again – to an ex boyfriend who is miserable and can’t seems to function at all because he regrets letting you go?

It can’t be easy or can it?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Making Your Ex Boyfriend Realize Missing You Is The Worst Feeling He Has Ever Experienced

Some men are just downright stubborn.  It’s like, no matter what you do they don’t seem to notice you.  Of course, this Guide is all about the things you can do to turn your ex boyfriend’s stubbornness around and realize he misses you more than he could ever imagine.  But you need to have a plan to bring him to this reality.

This is why I write in-depth guides that will help you accomplish  specific goals.

In this case, you need to learn how to make your ex boyfriend crave to be in your presence.  You want your ex bf to realize and notice that the loss of you is tearing up his world.  You need to learn to make your ex bf realize that the absence of you in his day to day routines is almost unbearable.

As his ex girlfriend, you want your guy to realize you are a stunning catch and he made a huge error in letting you go.  You want your ex to miss you so much, that he regrets his big blunder and mistake of breaking up with you or doing those stupid things that caused you to walk away from him.

How I Can Help You With Making Your Ex Boyfriend Desperate to See You Again?

Bringing about an environment in which your ex boyfriend desperately wants you back such that his every day is filled with thoughts about you is what I specialize in!   Getting to a place where your ex bf desires you again and appreciates the value you bring to his life requires a comprehensive strategic plan.

Getting him to a place where he is miserable without you takes some effort if he initiated the break up.  But if you dumped him, half the battle is won in one sense.   But be careful about being too ambitious and unrealistic.  Be careful about asking for too much too soon.

One of my clients the other day told me,  “I want my ex to miss me and call me and  want to do everything that we use to do together.  I want my boyfriend to drive by places that remind him of us and I want it to hurt, so he remembers I am special to him. Then  I want him to get serious and commit and  learn that if he ever cheats on me again, he will never have me and will miss me forever.”

This is why I do individual coaching and write ebook.  Sometimes it take a personal touch to remove the emotions that can get in the way of our aims.  Wanting something to much and letting our emotion get in our way is almost always a losing strategy.  Sometimes it takes a lengthy book to help someone put it all together because getting back together after a  break up is really hard.

In addition to my ebooks and providing coaching services, I am extremely involved on this site.

Me and my team respond to every comment personally.  So, as long as your comment relates to the topic of making your boyfriend long for you…missing you so much that he can barely contain himself,  then you should get a response within a day.

Now, I know that’s a bit of a tall order to make good on all of that especially when you consider the state of the “get your back niche” these days. I mean, just the other day I was doing research on a forum and I saw hundreds of women NOT getting answered. But I really feel that’s what makes Ex Boyfriend Recovery different from the rest.

But Chris, My Ex Boyfriend Will Never Miss Me – He Has a New Girlfriend!

Now you may be wondering, will this help me if he already has a girlfriend?  You might be wondering if it’s a lost cause if your ex has gone out and found himself a new woman.  You are probably worrying there is no way my ex boyfriend will miss and be thinking about me.   You may think,  “He is with her now.  I am in his past and am just an old, forgotten memory.”

Well, I am hear to tell you there are a lot of ways to make your ex boyfriend miss you if he has a new girlfriend.

You might also be wondering, “will my ex boyfriend start missing all of our times together if I just ignore him?  The short answer is that even in circumstances in which you do little or nothing, guys are wired to revisit that which they no longer have.

But there are many ways you can turn the screw to make him obsess over you more than he could ever imagine.  Yes, you may feel somewhat miserable these days.  But if you and your ex are like most couples, your boyfriend is likely to be mirroring your emotions and missing you far more than you realize.

Are You Ready To Make Your Ex Realize He Needs You and  Should Appreciate What He Has Lost!

So we are going to give you a game plan.  And it starts with 15 ideas on how to make your ex boyfriend realize what he has lost in giving you up.  The plan here, going forward, is to help your ex boyfriend realize and understand that he needs you.

The idea is to do a number of things to help your guy realize your real worth and value.  When it is all said and done, you want your ex to appreciate so much more about you and realize he misses you dearly and loves you.

That is what it is going to take.  To help make this happen, you need to be devoted to following a Plan of Action that will not just create these feelings in your ex boyfriend, but you also will need to be devoted to your own self recovery needs.

Self-Healing and looking at things realistically and pragmatically is important.  This plan may work.  Then again, it might not and you have to be focused on your future paths.  Either way, you can be happy.

15 Ways To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You Instantly So It Hurts!

OK, I know some of you out there are looking for quick answers.  You are moving fast (I really want you to slow down!) through all these emotions of the break up and all you can think of is I want my boyfriend to regret he left me.  You may be thinking,  “he was so crazy to let me go and I want him to miss me so much he will never want to let me go again.”

For those of you who are thinking this way, please read this whole Guide!  It will do you wonders.  But if you have absolutely have to have my Top 15 ways to make that boyfriend come to his senses and realize he is blowing it, then dig right in because you are going to find some excellent ideas on how to proceed.

1. Don’t Think Your Ex Boyfriend Will Miss You Instantly

For whatever reasons, you and your boyfriend split up and there is going to be a lot of emotions flying around like tears, anger, resentment, jealousy, disgust, confusion, etc.  You and your ex are wading into the deep waters of break up chaos.  So if you have an expectation that he is going to regret everything he had done and come running back to you, think again.  It takes time for those feelings of longing and wanting and needing you to take form.  And it seldom takes full form unless you are doing something to move it along.

2.  Have You Heard of Radio Silence (or No Contact)? It Will Help You Set The Terms of the Break Up and Lead Him Back To You

When the relationship dissolves away, you can’t be waiting around doing nothing hoping and thinking, “I wish my ex boyfriend would want me again”.  You have to move forward and part of this process is called the Radio Silence Principle.  Others call it implementing No Contact To Make Him Miss You.  But in reality, stopping communications is much more than just ending contact.  It’s about finding a way back for yourself. It’s getting over your own pain and standing on your own two feet so you will be stronger for tomorrow and all the days to follow.  That is the front end of the process.  On the back end is the part which you set certain things in motion to make your ex boyfriend miss these little memories of you and he.  It’s about making your ex bf learn that what he thinks he wants, is far from what he will ultimately want.

3.  Your Ex Boyfriend’s Mind Will Wander Back To Those Times He Was With You Because of Psychological Reactance.

That’s right!  He will be drawn to you and come to desire you because while your are practicing the No Contact (Radio Silence) Rule, your ex’s mind will conspire against him.  Why?   Because psychologically, men (and women too), when confronted with losing something, will seek to get it back.  He will be almost mysteriously drawn to you after awhile, not just because he is missing you, but because through the No Contact Rule that you are practicing, you are in effective depriving your ex boyfriend of something that he thinks was his and could always have.  But now the routines have changed and you are not there and readily available as before.  But the deep drive within him, which has been conditioned through many months or  years of experience with you, will, like an invisible hand, pull him to toward you, wanting to be with you.

4.  Make Your Ex Boyfriend Go a Little Nuts With Some Well Timed Jealousy Ploys!

I know.  I shouldn’t be telling you this and it seems a little manipulative, but it works or it can work provided you don’t go overboard trying to make your ex boyfriend jealous out of his mind!  A little bit of jealousy can go a long ways.

5. Draw In Your Ex Boyfriend By Using Social Media Tactics

It’s not too difficult to figure out what to do here.  Or perhaps it is.  For example, some of my clients inform me they have blocked or shut down all access to their exes, preventing them to know a thing about their lives.  They tell me, “he will no longer be able to see or follow me on Facebook“.  No more texts or phone calls, they will brag. That will teach them, they tell me.  I almost always advise them to do the opposite.  Keep those communication channels wide open and flowing because you can use them in hundreds of ways to leave them little reminders about how amazing and wonderful you are.  So if you want your ex boyfriend to miss you like never before, then learn the art of leveraging your Social Media accounts to help shape your ex boyfriend’s emotions and image of you.  Social media is an enabler and will help you drive home the points you want him to see and hear.

6. Get Your Ex Boyfriend To Notice You With Someting Naughty and Suggestive

So if you are thinking that I want you to send him some nude images or show up at your ex boyfriend’s door half naked, think again!  I believe in the notion that “less is more”.  So I would advocate you do some little things that you know from your personal experiences with your ex is something he will sorely miss.  It could be a certain way your wear your hair or a certain outfit that he loves you in. It could be the sound of your voice or the manner in which you smile during certain special moments. These things are what turns him on and makes your ex boyfriend think wistfully about certain sexual or romantic experiences the two of you had together.  Whatever it is, I want you to think of it in terms of images, words, video, and sounds (audio).  Then give these things to him in as many ways as you can think of so that he sees you, hear you, or read about your story, causing these memories and feeling to come flooding back.

7.  Consider Starting a Little Whisper Rumor That Will Make Your Ex Boyfriend Ache For You.

So what you want to do here is start up a little rumor that you know will get back to your ex.  You want him to hear about it and it should involve you. It could be something about you dating.  It could be about you possibly moving away.  It could be about you going somewhere exotic.  Maybe you are going on a thrilling hot air balloon ride.  But the idea here is he will hear that you are going off on some kind of exciting adventure, the kind of thing the two of you use to do together, but now he is left out.  Chances are that some part of  your ex boyfriend will be craving to be with you and he will have all kinds of regrets he is not part of this experience you are about to have.

8. Pull On Your Ex Boyfriend’s Heartstrings By Taking a Picture of Yourself At a Place Where You Both Shared Something Special

This is a simple, but clever way to have your ex associate a positive experience he and you had in the past, with what you are doing now.  This tactic is almost guaranteed to get your guy’s head spinning with a desire to relive it with you.

9. Play the “I Just Happen To Be Here Game” With Your Ex

You know how this works.  It always works.  Even when your ex knows you are showing up on purpose to cross paths with him.  Of course, the idea is to not make it look obvious, but actually create this moment where your ex boyfriend and you are in the same space.  You will have the advantage because you would have planned it and therefor will know what you want to do and what you will be wearing.  By the way, you will be looking fabulous and you will make sure your ex boyfriend notices it all.

10. Try Playing The Ex Back Game of the “Accidental Call”

Now in this case, the butt call or whatever excuse you use to explain why he is getting this accidental call will be so well planned that he will actually fall for it.  And unlike most novices who play this game, you will be super nice, apologize for the unintended interruption, then hang up, all in less than 5 seconds.  Yep.  You gotta keep it short to sell it.  What you are trying to do here is simply leave your ex a little breadcrumb.  A little piece of the wonderful you, for him to think about all the rest of the day.

11. Turn Yourself Into the Ungettable Girl With a Whole New Makeover

In this case, you want to make yourself look almost entirely different in the most beautiful way.  Then you want to post pics and work toward running into him or whatever it is you can accomplish so he notices the new “you”.  Your ex boyfriend will probably have secret fantasies of being with this new “you” and making love with this entirely new girl, that is you.  Of course, none of those things are going to happen, at least not for some time, but you are leaving him another breadcrumb that leads right to his weakness….unfulfilled desire.

12. Accept a Date With a Guy, Preferably Somebody Your Ex Boyfriend Knows

If you want to make him a little crazy with jealousy, then go on a date and make sure he knows about it and sees a pic.  Keep it all very tasteful and classy, but the image of you with another guy is sure to get the fires going inside your ex.

13. Remember to End Your Conversation With Your Ex Bf When It Reaches Its Peak

At some stage, you and your ex bf are going to start talking again.  Whether that be text messages or phone calls (or both), you need to read up in my ebook (Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro) how you should end your conversation with him when it reaches its peak.  Leave your ex boyfriend wanting more of you.

14. Go With a Friend To a Far Away Place

Not only will this help you with your own healing and recovery, but make sure your ex knows that you are embarking on a trip.  He might be a tad jealous that he is not going with you.  Let’s say you are going on a River Cruise somewhere.  Talk about it on Social Media.  Make sure he gets the news.  Let it all sink in into his mind.  Part of him is likely to wish he was with you.  Be so bold to even reach out to him a few days before you leave, wishing that he could come along because he is “so good” at this or that (compliment him).  Buttering up your ex boyfriend like this leaves him little room to be resentful toward you and opens the door for him to miss you like crazy while you are on this grand adventure.

15. Speak To Your Ex Boyfriend Through Videos – But Not Really

So the idea here is you want to be able to convey things about you and how your are getting along without your ex, so he can see visual reminders and proof that all these wonderful qualities about you are still there and he can’t enjoy them in person.  He will miss you terribly because he can’t touch you or talk to you, but there you are in the video.  This is probably best accomplished on your favorite Social Media page.

Before We Proceed Deeper Into This “Make My Ex Bf Miss Me” Guide – Time to Meet My Team!

So let me first tell you about my system. We have a whole team dedicated to upholding our “motto,” if you will.

What’s our motto?

That everyone who comes to the site to read, watch, or comment should be helped and attended to.

Oh… how rude of me.

Perhaps I should introduce you to “The Ex Recovery Team.”

team members

Now, throughout this article you may notice that a few of our team members chime in and offer little tidbits of advice on top of the advice that I am dishing out. Don’t be alarmed by that.

You are still learning from me, Chris Seiter, it’s just that I always think five heads are better than one.

But perhaps I shouldn’t get too touchy feely here. You are here for a reason after all and that reason is to make your ex boyfriend miss you.

So, since you are inquiring about how you can make your ex miss you this page is going to be focused solely on that. So, without further ado, I give you the method in which you should employ to make your ex miss you.

17 Lessons On Making An Ex Boyfriend Miss You – Unraveling The Break Up Puzzle!

You are here to learn more details about how to make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?

Indeed, over the course of the rest of this Guide, I am going to walk your through 17 Lessons on how you can optimize your chances.

If you are here, then I am going to assume that you want your ex boyfriend back. After all, why else would you want to make him miss you?

(Well, I suppose getting revenge on him is an answer here but lets just assume that, that isn’t the reason you want to make him miss you.)

The thinking goes a little like this,

“If I make him miss me then eventually he will realize that he wants to be back in a relationship with me.”

So, lets do a little role playing here and assume that you end up taking the advice I teach on this page to heart and successfully make your ex boyfriend miss you.

Do you think he will come back?

Do you think making him miss you alone will be enough?

Unfortunately no…

Don’t get me wrong, you will absolutely have to make your ex miss you if you want any chance of winning him back but it isn’t going to be enough alone.

Think of it like a puzzle.

In order to get your ex boyfriend back, desiring to be with you, hungering to be in you presence, you need to put the entire puzzle together.

puzzle

However, simply getting your ex boyfriend to miss you is essentially like trying to put a puzzle together with just one piece.

It’s impossible.

But that’s why you need a reference guide to teach you to put all the pieces together. So, The Ex Recovery Team and I have put together an entire book for doing just that.

It’s called,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Think of it like the ultimate step by step game plan for getting your ex back. It takes you through the process from start to finish. It gives you all the puzzle pieces and covers just about every situation you can think of.

Seriously…

Take a look at the situations we cover in PRO,

  • You Cheated
  • They Cheated
  • You Cheated On Each Other
  • Long Distance
  • Being Blocked
  • He/She Has A New Girlfriend/Boyfriend
  • If You Slept With Them
  • Engagement
  • If They Are In The Army
  • If You Have A Child Together
  • If You Have Been Friend Zoned
  • How To Get Them Back After A Long Time Apart (1 Yr +)
  • They Broke Up With You
  • You Broke Up With Them
  • If You Work With Them
  • If Your Ex Just Got Divorced
  • If You Just Got Divorced
  • Getting Your Husband/Wife Back
  • If You Think You Were The Rebound
  • If They Were On The Rebound
  • What To Do If They Are Married
  • What If There Is An Age Gap
  • If You Are Pregnant (Women Only)
  • What If Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant (Men Only)
  • On Again/Off Again

But you are probably getting bored of hearing me talk about Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO aren’t you? After all, you did come here to make your ex boyfriend back, right?

Well, then lets get right to it.

I give you the Ultimate Guide For Making An Ex Boyfriend Miss You.  It consists of 17 Lessons and it’s time for you to study up.

Please enjoy it! Oh, and one thing we are really good about here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is answering people’s questions. So, if you have any type of question about the process I am about to teach you feel free to ask us in the comments section of this article.

Lets dive in!

Lesson 1: You Have A “Missing” Advantage Already Over Your Ex Boyfriend!

advantage

One of the things that I have always found fascinating when it comes to researching breakups is the scientific data that I come across. You see, I am one of those people who is low on faith.

Faith = Believing in something without seeing it.

And perhaps that’s a little strange for the profession that I have chosen since a lot of getting an ex back is all about believing in an outcome that hasn’t occurred yet.

Nevertheless, I think it would be wrong of me to try to teach you something without having proof it works which is why I find the scientific research done on breakups so fascinating.

So many insights can be derived from them.

Take The Brain Study As An Example…

Did you know that science has proven that after a breakup you experience the same type of feeling that a drug addict would feel if he/she was going through a withdrawal period?

In 2005, psychologist Art Aron, neurologist Lucy Brown, and anthropologist Helen Fisher all teamed up to do an interesting study on individuals who had just recently gone through a breakup.

They decided to have the individuals put a brain imaging tool on and then showed them pictures of their ex.

The scientists were trying to determine what was happening in the brain of the people who just went through the breakup.

The results were shocking.

The part of the brain that lit up was the same part of the brain that is commonly present in drug addicts who are going through withdrawal.

So, I guess it’s true what they say.

Love is a drug!

But one simple study probably isn’t enough to sway your opinion, huh?

Ok, lets dive in a little deeper and look at the interesting world of “Facebook Creeping”

Lesson 2: The Facebook Creeper Statistic – A Sign Your Ex Can Be Irresistibly Drawn To You!

GUILTY!

I have done this.

Hell, I think everyone does this after a breakup. It’s human nature to be curious about what your ex is up to post breakup. I remember in my circumstance with my most recent ex I would think to myself,

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.36.41 PM“I wonder if she is depressed… I bet she is. Let me look and find out.”

And ever since Facebook was invented it has become the ultimate tool for spying on on ex. Just ask Veronika Lukacs who conducted the study as part of her Media Studies Masters thesis, in which she looked at how many people have admitted to “Facebook Creeping” on an ex.

Now, if you don’t know what “Facebook Creeping” is it’s actually quite simple.

Facebook Creeping = Spying on an exes Facebook profile after a breakup to see what they are up to.

You won’t believe how many people admitted to creeping on their exes Facebook.

Nearly 90%!

(Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/28/nearly-90-percent-of-people-creep-facebook_n_1687424.html)

That’s incredible.

You realize what that means, right?

Well, it means that there is a nearly 90% chance that your ex boyfriend is going to come strolling by your Facebook profile assuming you are still friends there.

That’s amazing.

But again, I still feel this incredible need to provide you with overwhelming statistics before I specifically talk about the advantage you have.

Lesson 3: The Overwhelming Statistics Are In Your Favor

pacman

Did you know that 71% of people claim that they think about their ex too much?

Now, does that necessarily mean that if your ex falls into the 71% category that he is going to be missing you?

No, remember, this statistic is basically just saying that 71% of people think about their exes too much. It doesn’t dive too deep into what he is thinking when he is missing you.

He could be thinking negative things…

He could be thinking positive things…

We just don’t know.

Nevertheless, thinking about an ex too much certainly is a start towards missing that ex.

But it gets even better, 60% of people who are married or dating say that their ex is on their mind too much. So, this basically tells us that even if you are married you may still think about your ex too much.

What are my thoughts on this statistic?

Well, I think the important distinction that has to be made is if they are thinking about their ex TOO MUCH or just a little bit. I think it’s human nature to have your mind wander to the past and think about an ex.

Hell, I am sure even my own wife has had this happen from time to time but it’s not like she can turn her mind off.

No one can.

But there is a definite difference between having your mind take a small trip down memory lane and thinking about an ex all day every day.

I would be curious to hear what people defined as thinking “too much”

Oh, and in case you are wondering where I got these statistics, the Yahoo Dating section!

Now I want to talk about your “Big Advantage”

Lesson 4: The Big Advantage That You Have Over Your Ex Boyfriend Is You Are Learning About Break ups!

I got pretty darn boring just now and threw out a bunch of statistics for you. The statistics were meant to prove one thing.

What The Statistics Prove = That even after a breakup, without you doing anything, your ex is thinking about you way too much

So, if your ex is thinking about you too much then you can ultimately use that to your advantage, right?

That’s your big advantage when it comes to making a man miss you. As a default, he is already thinking about you too much. So, that puts you in a pretty good place because many of you will find that it’s not going to take too much to get him to miss you.

Now, does that mean that it’s easy to make a man miss you?

Absolutely not.

There are a lot of factors involved.

But here is my vision.

Right now your ex bf, as a default, is thinking about you too much,

default

Now, imagine if you took an ex who was thinking about you too much and coupled it with a professional’s strategies,

My strategies

Making him miss you should be a piece of cake, right?

Well, there is still one more thing that I think we need to cover before I can give you the strategy you should implement and this is something that is going to be important for you to understand because it’s going to directly affect your chances for making him miss you.

Lesson 5: The Number One Factor That Determines Whether He Misses You Or Not

Let’s role play.

Lets pretend that in your entire life you have only dated two men.

Man One – Was the great love of your life. He treated you like a queen, made you feel butterflies and as you were dating him you would often think to yourself, “I think he may be “The One.””

Man Two- You also loved Man Two but he did not treat you so well. Your entire relationship, while electric was full of fights. Man Two had a bad habit of putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself.

So, lets assume that you have broken up with both of these men.

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.42.07 PMWhich one do you think you are more likely to miss?

Man One, right?

Why?

Because he treated you like a queen and your overall relationship with him was better.

And that brings me to my ultimate point.

Without a doubt the number one factor that determines whether a man will miss you or not is always going to be your past relationship with him.

Now, I am not like those other relationship experts out there that will tell you what you want to hear 100% of the time.

If you had a horrible relationship with your ex your chances of having him miss you is going to be lower. That’s just the way it is. Of course, if you had a great relationship with him your chances will be higher.

So, it works both ways.

Lesson 6: The Secret Advantage Of YOU Initiating The Breakup

secret

Ok, one more thing to talk about before we can start getting down to the actual strategy of making an ex boyfriend miss you.

Did you know that you have a “secret advantage” if you were actually the one to initiate the breakup with your ex?

This one is just pretty much common sense. As you know, there are usually three outcomes to a breakup.

1. He Can Break Up With You- Where your ex boyfriend actually is the one to initiate the break up.

2. You Can Break Up With Him- Where YOU actually are the one to initiate the break up with him.

3. You Both Mutually Agree To Break Up- This one is where you both break up mutually. No side strikes first.

I highlighted the “you can break up with him” choice because you will have a small advantage in making your ex miss you if you initiated the breakup.

We have already established above that you have an advantage in the fact that most people say that they still think about their ex too much but when you add in the fact that you initiated the breakup your advantage is going to be a little more distinct.

When I get to talking about the no contact rule (really soon) I am going to talk about psychological reactance.

But I suppose I can give you an early taste here since it is definitely going to apply.

Psychological reactance theory basically states that when you take away someones options to do something their attraction to gain their freedom to get that option back increases.

Think of it like this.

Lets say you are walking in the store with a toddler named Ricky (no idea why I picked that name but bear with me here.) Ricky tugs on your pants and points to a toy saying,

“I want that toy!”

You immediately say,

“No, you can’t have that toy.”

Well, now that, Ricky’s freedom to have that toy has been taken away what does he want more than anything?

The toy!

This is psychological reactance in a nutshell.

So, by breaking up with your ex you actually increase the chances that he will miss you because his freedom to have you has been taken away.

Pretty interesting, right?

Of course, there is one case where this might not work as well.

Lesson 7: The ONE Case Where You Might Not Have This Advantage

If you broke up with your ex because he cheated on you.

Cheating is one of those topics that is difficult for everyone involved (including me an impartial third party.)

“Wait, why is it hard for you?”

Easy, it’s hard because I am the one that has to come up with the game plan for putting a “cheating couple” back together. Thus, I have to do a lot of research on the topic to determine the best way to proceed.

So, like I said above, you probably aren’t going to have this secret advantage if you broke up with your ex if he cheated on you.

Why?

Because clearly something went wrong with your relationship.

Generally speaking people don’t cheat on a whim.

It’s not like a guy wakes up one day and goes,

“ALRIGHTY! Today is the day I cheat on my girlfriend.”

It’s usually a slow process that takes place over months. And for a man to cheat on you generally means that the wasn’t fully satisfied with the relationship.

Now, does that mean that he never loved you if he cheated on you?

No, Esther Perel, has dedicated pretty much her whole life to studying infidelity and she has found that oftentimes men and women who cheat are still in love with their partner. They just want more excitement in their sex lives.

Now, take that whatever way you want.

I am going to take it as if there is a fundamental problem with your relationship because in my mind a man who is fully satisfied with his relationship will be excited and engaged in his sex life with his partner.

Nevertheless, if you broke up with your ex because he cheated then you aren’t going to have this small little advantage that I am talking about.

Now lets look at the other side of the coin.

Lesson 8: The ONE Case Where You Will Absolutely Have The Secret Advantage

If you broke up with him and he didn’t want you to.

Above I established that the the secret advantage that I keep talking about heavily revolves around this idea of “psychological reactance.”

And to be honest I can’t think of situation that screams “taking a mans freedom to have you away” more than this one.

If you broke up with your ex boyfriend when he didn’t want you to break up with him then you have definitely left him with the impression that you are a very rare commodity.

It’s a bit of that law of scarcity.

You will find that the more scarce you are the more attractive you will be to men in general.

It’s the same way that diamonds are so attractive to women.

It’s the fact that they look pretty AND they are very rare.

I mean, something tells me that you wouldn’t find a diamond so attractive if you go buy it for a dollar at the dollar store.

Anyways, lets move on to the meat of this guide.

How to make a man miss you after a breakup!

Lesson 9: The “Make Him Miss You” Strategy – What Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Know!

I want you to take a look at the graphic below,

strategy

Pretty straightforward, right?

“Umm Chris… no it’s not.”

Well, don’t worry. It will be because I am going to break it down for you.

The “BIG” strategy for making your ex boyfriend miss you is divided up into four different parts,

1. The No Contact Rule
2. Social Media Game
3. The “Frank Sinatra Effect”
4. Jealousy Tactics

Lets start from the top!

Lesson 10: The No Contact Rule Can Make Your Ex Bf A Little Mad With Desire!

talk to me

Throughout this site you will find that the No Contact Rule is a pretty big theme.

Hell, I even wrote an entire book about it (The No Contact Rule Book.)

But why is it such a big theme?

Why do I talk about it so much?

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.49.58 PMWell that’s easy to answer. The no contact rule is without a doubt one of the most successful strategies for getting an ex back. A few weeks ago I compiled all of my recorded success stories to try to determine any correlations that I could find between what the people who had actually won their exes back were doing that the people who were failing weren’t.

Turns out the no contact rule was present in 74% of the successes.

But to be honest I think that number is actually a lot higher than that.

Why?

Because a portion of the success stories that I had recorded didn’t give me much information.

They just said something like,

“Thanks, I got my ex back.”

Not really deep enough for me to determine what that particular person did to succeed in getting their ex back, huh?

Don’t believe me?

Ok, here is a sample of one of the “thin” success stories that I got,

testimonial-9

 

 

So, if you were to ask my opinion on how many of the successes used the no contact rule I would put the number closer to 90%. Whatever the case, one thing is very clear.

The no contact rule is essential if you want to get your ex boyfriend back.

But how does it make him miss you?

Good question.

In order to answer that I think we first need to define the no contact rule.

The NC Rule (No Contact Rule) is a rule that states the following:

You are not allowed to call, text, email, Facebook or Google your ex for a specific period of time. If during that “period of time” you are contacted by your ex you are not allowed to respond. The no contact rule serves three main purposes. It gives both of you a “cool off period” to calm down from the breakup, it gives you the opportunity to improve yourself during the “cool off period” and it raises the chances that he will miss you.

Sounds simple, right?

WRONG!

The no contact rule is without a doubt the hardest strategy to complete on this site.

Hell, all you have to do is visit one of my “no contact rule” pages to see just how many women are struggling with it.

But you don’t care about that do you?

No, you care about the psychology behind why the no contact rule can make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?

Ok, lets tackle that right now.

Lesson 11: Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

I want you to ask me a question.

The question = Chris, what is the number one mistake you see people making after a breakup.

WOW, thanks for asking that amazing question 😉 .

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 3.18.52 PMThe number one mistake that I see people making after a breakup is begging. They beg for their exes back. The become GNATS and just stick around.

I mean, put yourself in your ex boyfriends shoes for a second assuming that you were bugging the hell out of him after a breakup with you.

Would you find it attractive if someone you didn’t have feelings for anymore was bugging you every five seconds trying to convince you to do something you didn’t want to do?

Something tells me you wouldn’t.

Now, how does this play into making an ex miss you?

Easy, a man cannot miss that which he sees every day.

One of my favorite movies of all time is “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

I know it’s kind of a weird choice when there are way more epic movies out there but for some reason “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

What can I say… I dig revenge stories.

Truthfully, I watch the movie at least once a year and you know what causes me to watch it?

Something reminds me of it and then I think to myself,

“Man, that movie was so good I miss the feeling that it gave me. Maybe I should watch it.”

But I only have that thought because I haven’t seen it in a long time. Lets say that I watched it every day for a year. I can tell you right now that at that point it wouldn’t be my favorite movie anymore. No, it would probably end up being my most hated movie. It would become stale and I would grow sick of it.

By not giving your ex a chance to miss you, via the no contact rule, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Lesson 12: The No Contact Rule Makes You More Attractive (I Can Prove It)

Have you ever heard of the notion that “people want what they can’t have?”

People want “that” which they feel should belong to them. By taking something away from them (e.g. you make yourself unavailable by not communicating), the person will be motivated to pursue.

In the world of psychology, it’s called “Psychological Reactance”. This concept emerged from the work of the American psychologist, Jack Brehm in 1966.
“Brehm argues that individuals have a set of “free behaviors” that they believe they can engage in at present or some time in the future. Behavioral freedoms vary in importance, with some being highly important because they deal with critical survival. Stephen Worchel (2004) suggested that these freedoms help define the individual’s self-identity. A threat or elimination of freedom results in an increase of attractiveness of the forbidden act and the motivation to engage in that behavior.” http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G2-3045302191.html In really simple terms, when you implement the No Contact Strategy, it’s like you are secretly saying, “You can’t have me. You can’t talk to me. I am depriving you of your freedom to be with me”.

With psychological reactance in play, your Ex is secretly thinking, “I want what you say I can’t have. It should belong to me and is part of me, so I will pursue it”

Ah, and that leads the way to another little hypothesis that I have.

According to psychological reactance your ex is going to want what he can’t have. We have already established that. But lets take a trip to fantasy land (your favorite place in the world) and say that you successfully get your ex back.

I have this theory that the harder you make it for him to get you back the more he will appreciate you when he has you.

My buddies first car is an example.

I had a friend who wanted a car more than anything when he was 16 years old. So, he spent an entire summer mowing peoples yards to get money to buy this beat up chevy truck that kind of looked like this,

old beat up chevy truck

Pretty crappy, right?

Here’s the thing.

He treated that car so good and he loved it more than anything. Hell, even now he reminisces about it. But I doubt he would have treated it so well if it had just been gifted to him.

In fact, there was one time that I asked him flat out,

“Why do you like this truck so much?”

His response was simple…

“Because I had to work so hard to get it. Dude, you have no idea how hard it was to scrounge up the money to buy this thing.”

So, here is my theory when it comes to you and your ex.

The harder you make it for him to get you back the more he is going to appreciate you once he gets you back. After all, I doubt you are in this to get your ex back and break up again, right? No, you want a relationship that is going to last.

And the no contact rule can provide that difficulty for him to succeed in getting you back.

Lesson 13: Social Media Game Impact On Your Ex Boyfriend’s Psychological Mindset

(For more in-depth information on how to use social media to get your ex back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

And now we move on to our second part of the strategy, social media,

strategy social media

Now, if you are confused as to what this is let me give you a quick history of social media.

Since the internet started… (No just kidding. I wouldn’t bore you to death with that.)

Look, here’s the deal.

Social media is an excellent way to make your ex miss you.

How?

Well, above I established that close to 90% of exes “creep” on Facebook. In other words, the probability that your ex boyfriend is going to peek at your profile at some point post breakup is high.

So, why not prepare for that moment?

Why not pimp out your profile to be everything that he finds attractive in a woman.

How To Make Your Social Media Profile Perfect

I want to tell you a funny story that happened to my wife yesterday.

So, if you don’t know my wife she is in charge of our YouTube channel and our marketing experts. In other words, if we want to get featured anywhere popular she is in charge of making that happen.

Well, one day she decided that we should be featured on “Ted Talks” so she started trying to network with some of the people over at “Ted Talks” and she managed to locate one of the person’s Facebook profiles.

So, rather than asking me to reach out directly she decided that since this person was a man it would be better if she reached out since she knows she is a very beautiful woman.

There was just one problem.

This was her Facebook profile picture,

profile picture

Now, I don’t know about you but that’s not going to make any man fall over himself. Well, except maybe me (that’s my daughter.) My wife, of course, knew this so she decided to change the picture to something really sexy like this,

ellas grove

That’s my wife in a model shoot for some clothing company named Ella’s Grove.

Anyways, what do you think happened to her after she changed her profile picture on Facebook from our child to a sexy looking picture of her.

All the men went wild (myself included.)

She was getting comments like,

comment 1

comment 2

comment 3

Ok, first off… what the fu*k?

Looks like I have to beat some people up.

COME SEBASTIAN!

We have some work to do!

sebastion

No I am just kidding…

Please don’t take that seriously.

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.57.49 PMThe point of telling you this story was to show you how powerful a picture can be. You can potentially make your ex boyfriend one of those men and show him what he is missing out on by posting strategic pictures on your social media profiles.

So, here is what I am going to do.

I am going to teach you my two best methods for catching a mans attention via social media.

1. The Profile Picture Change
2. The “Fun” Picture

Lets start with the profile picture change.

The Profile Picture Change

This is what my wife did and indirectly got all that attention from men.

Now, I am going to pick on myself a bit here.

Before I met my wife I heavily relied on good looks to attract attention. In other words, any picture I posted to Facebook looked like this,

not a good picture

Now, even though this picture isn’t bad it isn’t earth shatteringly amazing which is what I should be going for.

And then I met my wife….

The woman who forced me to get professional pictures done.

Like this,

professional pictures

Do you see the difference.

This is the kind of picture that I want you to be posting to your social media profile as your profile picture. Here is my general rule of thumb, any picture that makes you look like you belong in a magazine is definitely the one you should have as your profile picture.

So, I guess what I am saying is that you should hire a professional photographer to take your picture. Now, for those of you who don’t want to step outside the comfort zone and hire a photographer I have one piece of advice to you.

Often times it’s the things that make us step outside our comfort zone that yield the best results.

The “Fun” Picture

I have a question for you.

What do you think your ex boyfriend expecting you to do after the breakup?

He’s expecting you to mope around and be depressed.

Don’t believe me?

I remember an early breakup of mine where this is exactly what I thought.

“God I hope she is suffering.”

Pretty mean, right?

But when I would spy on her Facebook profile and see that she wasn’t depressed it would drive me nuts. I want this exact thing to unfold for you when your ex boyfriend snoops around your profile.

So, how can you accomplish this?

Easy, post pictures of yourself out having fun.

Here is a great example. Look at the picture below,

These girls like they are having fun. This is the kind of picture you want to post.

Because here is what he is going to think when he sees it,

“Wait, why is she out having fun? Why isn’t she sitting at home eating ice cream like I thought?”

Once you get him thinking that this thought is right around the corner,

“I’m kind of jealous…”

And as I am going to establish later in this guide jealousy can lead to a man missing you.

Lesson 14: The Frank Sinatra Effect

(For more in-depth information on The Frank Sinatra Effect check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

frank sinatra

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from a man by the name of Frank Sinatra.

“The best revenge in life is massive success.”

Now, what does that have to do with making an ex boyfriend miss you?

Good question.

In order for me to answer it I first need to tell you a story. To me, teaching people to get back with their exes is my passion and in order for me to give people advice I need to understand the trends.

What works and what doesn’t work.

So, that’s why I am always keeping an eye on your comments and questions to me. But the one thing that warms my heart more than anything are the success stories!

Not just because I helped people get back together but I can learn so much from them.

Anyways, one trend that I began to notice with a lot of my success stories was the fact that the women who ended up succeeding were actually completely moved on from the break up and living successful lives.

It’s sort of like it was at this point that their ex finally woke up and saw their worth.

Hell, I even did an entire podcast about this phenomenon here.

Anyways, I kept seeing this phenomenon pop up again and again so when I did an audit of my success stories last month I learned that a lot of women who had actually completely moved on from their exes were able to get him back.

It sounds counter intuitive, right?

But maybe not.

Lets turn our attention back to psychological reactance.

By moving on from an ex boyfriend completely you are indirectly saying to him,

“You cannot have me. You have lost the freedom to have me.”

Which of course as you know, will only make him want you more.

And that’s where the Frank Sinatra effect comes into play.

I want you to “move on” without moving on if that makes any sense. I want you to live an incredible life outside of your relationship with your ex.

Here are a few of my best tips for doing this.

Lesson 15: Specific Things You Can Do To Make Him Miss You During The Frank Sinatra Effect

In this section we are going to look at a number of things that you can specifically do to make him miss you while in the midst of the Frank Sinatra Effect. I absolutely love this because these are things that are in your control.

When it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back you have to accept the fact that there are a certain amount of factors that are completely out of your control. However, when it comes to making him miss you there are a lot of things you can do that will improve your chances. Buckle up because this may get long.

Tactic 1- Get In Shape

There is nothing that can catch a mans eye like a woman who has taken care of her body. Now, I am not saying that you are fat or out of shape. I am saying that this tactic (getting in shape) will be beneficial to you in not only making your ex boyfriend miss you but it will be beneficial in helping you with future relationships (if you have them.) How effective is this tactic? Let me tell you a story. There was a girl who had a crush on me in college. Like a fool, I didn’t do anything about it because like a typical guy I wanted the girls that I couldn’t get. Anyways, this girl had a very pretty face but I am not afraid to say that she was a little… chubby and for me it took away from her looks.

Pretty shallow I know…

Well, about a year and a half later I happened to run into her. Actually, I walked right past her because I didn’t recognize her. She had lost about 35lbs and looked amazing. In my absence this mediocre looking girl had turned into a beautiful goddess. Anyways, I was walking with my buddy when she yelled my name and we started talking. After we were done talking we went our separate ways and I remember my buddy going,

“Dude she is sooo HOT why did you let that one slip through your fingers?”

I explained that she didn’t look like that back when I knew her but now that I saw this new and improved version I wanted her immediately.

So, I did everything I could to try to go on a date with her which was relatively easy because she liked me (or so I thought.)

Anyways, we set up a relatively simple date to go on at a restaurant. The plan was that we were going to meet there and we would probably go for a walk after that. There was just one problem.

She never showed up.

During the day of the date I had reached out to her to ask if we were still on (BIG MISTAKE) and got no response…. the hours inched closer to kickoff and I still hadn’t heard from her. I was starting to get worried so like an insecure guy I reached out to her again,

“Hey, are we on for tonight?”

No response..

It was starting to become clear that I was going to get stood up if I went to the restaurant but I figured I would give it one more try.

“Are you there?”

Again no response…

She didn’t want to go on a date with me.

Ironic, huh?

Karma I guess!

Tactic 2- Repeat After Me: I Do Not Care About Him

This tactic is more of a mindset that you need to have. During your no contact period (which is when you should probably be in the Frank Sinatra mindset) make sure you don’t focus on your ex too much.

Just focus on the most important thing, you.

If you were to ask me what I thought one of the biggest mistakes that I see women engaging in are I would definitely have to say that becoming to obsessed with their ex is at the top of the list.

In order to truly “move on, without moving on” you can’t be too worried about what your ex is doing. You need to be worrying about what you are doing.

I haven’t talked a lot about this yet because maybe I am trying to save something for my book. but maybe I think it’s too good to leave out.

If you really want to make the most of the Frank Sinatra effect I am going to teach you an amazing strategy. Well, perhaps strategy isn’t the right word to explain this. No, I would say this is more of a philosophy.

I like to call it…

“The Holy Trinity”

(Oh, and this is not biblical at all I promise.)

You can divide the most important aspects of your life into three categories,

HWR

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

I don’t have to explain what is comprised of the categories, do I?

Well, I will tell you what, I am just going to leave my book for that.

Basically if you want to utilize the Frank Sinatra effect to the fullest I recommend that you try to maximize these three areas of your life.

You will notice that in the graphic above there is an intersection of the three.

The intersection where all three meet.

Hmm…

Perhaps it’s better if I pointed to it for you,

HWR copy

What you are trying to do here is find a perfect balance between your health, wealth and relationships. By doing so you will jump up in attractiveness to your ex.

Trust me when I say that the “missing thing” will fall into place if you do this. It is important to remember that the two of you broke up and while you may want him back you need to understand that rome was not built in a day and you won’t get him back in a day. So, sit back and work on the holy trinity for a while.

Tactic 3- Social Life

You have two choices when it comes to breaking up with your ex. You can either

A. Let the breakup own you.

or

B. Own the breakup.

I am a guy and let me tell you that I do not find it attractive when someone, who after a breakup, sits on the couch all day and eats ice cream. In fact, that is what I expect pretty much every girl to do after a breakup. About five years ago when I broke up with my girlfriend at the time the exact thought I had was “I bet she is sitting on the couch right now crying and eating ice cream.”

Here is the kicker though, a few days later when I logged on Facebook I found that she wasn’t quite as devastated as I thought. She had posted pictures of her having fun with friends and basically having a really fun social life. While I didn’t immediately think “man, I miss her” it set me up for thinking it. Her active social life made me realize what I was missing out on and made me a little jealous and angry that she wasn’t as devastated.

Lesson 16: Jealousy Tactics Can Draw Your Ex Boyfriend To You

(For more in-depth information on how to use jealousy to get your ex boyfriend back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

jealousy

A lot of experts will tell you to not try to make your ex jealous. I will admit that I don’t necessarily agree with them on that. If you have a chance to bring up some deep inner feelings within him then I say go for it. Of course, if you are going to use jealousy on your ex boyfriend it has to be done a specific way.

It probably won’t go over too well if he checks on your Facebook profile and sees you making out with three different guys. No, using jealousy is an art. It has to be done subtly but at the same time be obvious enough for him to pick up on it. Here are a few examples of how to properly use jealousy.

Example 1- Movie With A Male Friend

In this example I am going to show you a specific text message that is meant to make your ex a little jealous. Notice how in the example below you didn’t specify if your movie date was with a male or a female. You basically leave it up to your ex to assume if you went to see a romantic movie with a guy or a girl.

romantic movie text

Example 2- Did I See You?

This one is a little riskier but you are almost guaranteed to make your ex a little jealous which will hopefully contribute to him missing you. In this text message you are basically saying that you mistook him for a “hot guy” at a bar (or any other place you can think of.) Again, this one is risky but the reward is definitely higher.

jealousy (did I see you at)

If you want to learn more about what you can text your ex boyfriend I recommend checking out “The Texting Bible.

Lesson 17: Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Misses You Every Single Day!

I actually wrote a guide on how to tell if your ex boyfriend is still in love with you already but I thought I would give a quick recap here. After all, it might be important to figure out the signs that your ex misses you so you can determine if what you are doing is working. Below I am just going to give you a bullet point list so you can quickly reference the signs that your ex boyfriend is starting to really warm up to you.

  • If he texts you
  • If he calls you
  • If he shows up at places you frequent in a non stalker way (if it is stalker like then that is just creepy)
  • If he has multiple positive reactions when you see him in person.
  • If he keeps in touch with your family.

If something on this page or website confuses you, do not be afraid to comment in the section below. Remember, your comment, as long as it is legitimate, will be made live and I will respond to you personally as quickly as my schedule allows!

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5,850 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

  1. Avatar

    Rebecca Holt

    June 5, 2020 at 8:56 pm

    He told me after 6 months of seeing each other he needs to step back. Fix himself, that he doesn’t like himself. Work on work, his relationship with his dying mother, getting tasks accomplished, working out. Says he isn’t giving me the attention I deserve. He feels bad with that aspect also. One week prior I got him to open up and cry for the first time about his mom. He got vulnerable which coming from his military background is hard for him to do. We had a great weekend. Then a week later he tells me he needs space. I’m devastated. We had said we love each other. I wonder if it really is his stress or me. I’m now since 3 days ago enacting the NC rule. I’m scared if I don’t hear from him at all.
    Please tell me there is hope

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 8:19 pm

      Hi Rebecca, it sounds as if he has a lot of emotional turmoil going on as is stressed. So I would not say that you dont have a chance but I would say that he is going to be working on himself for some time and dealing with the fact that he is losing his mother too. You just need to focus on yourself for some time working on your Holy Trinity and reaching out at the end of your 30 days No Contact

  2. Avatar

    Emily Miller

    May 5, 2020 at 10:59 am

    Hi,
    I’ve read a lot of your work, thanks for all the advice My partner of 8 years left just over 3 months ago. We argued lots and he said he hadn’t been happy for a long time. He still comes over once a week to see the children (and me he says) We talk once everyday and text daily. He says he still loves me and wants to work on things but I’m worried he’s just stringing me along as he doesn’t really tell me how he feels and seems happy doing his own thing now away from us. Ì haven’t done NC as I think it will make things worse now. Ì told him I didn’t want to talk recently and ended up with 10 missed calls and texts telling me to tell him what was going on. Ì don’t want to make things worse and don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be positive but am struggling. Ì am grieving right now too as I recently lost some people I loved so just trying to deal with everything at once.
    I would really appreciate any advice you have for me.
    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 11, 2020 at 9:47 pm

      Hi Emily, so one thing I have to stress is doing a No Contact is not going to make things worse. He clearly freaked out in a few days of you not talking to him. As you share children you will need to follow the Limited no contact information. Where you only speak to him about your children and nothing else. When he visits the children you remove yourself form the situation. He is in control of the situation at the moment and you need to change that

  3. Avatar

    Kim

    April 27, 2020 at 2:01 pm

    We broke up last month n i am the one who broke up with him because he said that his heart already for someone else..but day by day he text me,i ask him to reconsider about leaving me..he send video that he miss me and ask my apologies..i didnt respond because im in no contact for a month..now he delete my number coz i cant see his profile picture and whatsapp story..what hould i do? Plssss

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 4:14 pm

      Hi Kim, continue with your NC for 45 days in total while you work on your Holy Trinity

  4. Avatar

    Ariko

    April 24, 2020 at 3:52 pm

    Last month my bf and I broke up.And I begged him alot on that day.But hesaid he doesn’tove me anymore and leave him alone.No matter how much I begged,he didn’t accept me.The next day I watched how to get your ex bf videos and found out about no contact rule.And I just started it.i still miss him everyday and I sti want him back.I really love him and so is he.But becuase I didn’t care for him sometime I guess he felt really upset about it.I know my fault and I ‘m willing to change it too.I’ve done No contact for 30 days..and no what should I do? I kinda scare to send him text becuase I don’t want him to be annoyed me.But still I really want to talk with him and get back with him.What should I do now? Am I ok to send him message?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 8:29 pm

      Hi Ariko yes you can start the texting phase now, but be sure to follow Chris advice on how to speak with your ex

  5. Avatar

    Amy Roddick

    April 13, 2020 at 7:41 pm

    my boyfriend and i broke up exactly one week ago today. he told me we fought a lot and then bad started out weighing the good and he was unhappy. we have talked since off and on mostly him messaging me and then one day i told him to stop. my friend also messaged him saying to give me dove and he got angry at her. after 24 hours of no contact i messaged him again saying that where i stood was that i believed we could fix things but i understand his choice i want him to be happy. we had a nice chat and he told me he did miss me. he said since we broke up he’s been really happy even with the break up taking a toll on him but he also said he feels like he’s missing a piece if him right now. he told me he reflects on the good memories when he feels like that. but i also know even though he is doing that he is still thinking of all the bad times. he still calls me my nickname “ames” pretty much every time we talk. and he has said he doesn’t want to be with anyone else either and it will take him a long time to be ready for another relationship. after that chat today we haven’t spoke since. to me it sounds like he’s happy because we haven’t fought but i can’t tell if he is regretting breaking up or not because he says he feels like a piece of him is gone too. we are still on good terms and i have him on most social media. i took him off snap chat and was planning to add him back in a few weeks or a month or so. do you have any advice? i feel like it all happened so quick and maybe he needs his space to realize that.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 23, 2020 at 3:14 pm

      Hi Amy, I think it is important that you follow NC to give him time to miss you and remember your good times together and he will think about the negative less and less. In the mean time you need to work on yourself and your Holy Trinity, try to work out why you both felt the need to argue and fall out often too. Was it a communication problem or are there any issues such as trust

  6. Avatar

    Jenna

    April 4, 2020 at 8:32 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me because he “wanted to do his own thing” and doesn’t want a relationship with anyone right now. He said he was feeling like he didn’t see a future with me for the past two months but I didn’t feel that way at all. He said he fears trying again right now because he doesn’t want this to happen again. This happened out of the blue at the beginning of march. He reached out to me a week ago and told me he was still thinking of me. We talked for a week and then he told me he doesn’t want a relationship but he doesn’t want me to not contact him because he loves and cares about me. I can’t just be friends with him. I soon found out he has hung out with a girl 3 times since our breakup. this girl is from our past. she gave him her number about a year ago while he was working. He says he hasn’t done anything with her besides hug. Is he just hanging out with her because he feels like he can do whatever he wants now? He is also pulling away from his family and is showing symptoms of depression. I really want him back. I’ve always thought he was the one and we were recently talking about marriage and we have a trip planned in June and in 2021. What do I do. We did everything together we started dating at 15 and we are both almost 20.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 11:04 pm

      Hi Jenna, it is difficult but you need to give him the impression you are doing just great without him in your life, it may feel like he does not notice but he will. Starting with a No Contact where you do not reply to anything he sends you, ignore phone calls etc. And do not watch his activity on any social media platforms. You then work on your Holy Trinity, you can read about this on this website. And then plan your first text from the information Chris has given about how to start the texting phase

  7. Avatar

    Anna

    April 2, 2020 at 2:17 am

    Hello first of all it is an amazing article congratulations!!!
    I was in a relatioship at 2019 and we broke up because he wanted to be with his ex. I did the nc rule and he called me after some months and texted me.
    at february 2020 they broke up because she said that she cant wait for him to come back (he is military) and they broke up. two days later he texted me and we got back together . 2 days ago his ex sent me a screenshot that they were talking and he told me that he is now military and he is confused he doesnt know what to choose me or her. Today i was talking to him like a therapist (big mistake i know) and he told me he will text me again sometime.. He follows me in every social media. He will come back to our city at July. Should i keep contact or call him sometime to see how he is? i dont want him to forget me..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 8:57 pm

      Hi Anna, I would suggest that you work the Ungettable information so that you can show your ex is going to lose you if he doesnt make a decision. If he does get back with his ex you need to do a 45 day NC and then follow the being there method

  8. Avatar

    Lisa

    April 1, 2020 at 8:47 pm

    How long do I need to do the no contact rule?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 2, 2020 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Lisa the length of your No Contact depends on a few factors, read some articles about the No Contact and then you can decide the length, the average however is 30 days

  9. Avatar

    Joyce

    March 27, 2020 at 6:27 am

    Hi,

    My bf and I had been together for almost 3 yrs. Last Jan. 2020, we had a fight cause he went drinking with his friends. I got jealous with his time invested on his friends and I felt like he was prioritizing them. When I got mad at him, he told me that he’s had enough and wants to break up with me. I was surprised, I said sorry, I cried a lot, told him that I would never do it again and begged him not to leave me. He said he needed space, but still I made a lot of effort like giving him gifts and surprising him. But he wasn’t convinced. However, that time we still see each other twice a week since we’re both attending the same church. Whenever I see him, I would always cry and beg until I learned not to text/call him. I thought we’re on the verge of getting back to normal because on the following weeks, whenever we go to church, we’re talking like how we used to, but still no text/calls. We were only talking whenever we see each other personally. Until all of a sudden, he asked me not to see him anymore, which means he requested me not to attend the church with him. When we talked about it, I cried and told him no, I will not do that. But after I’ve known about the No Contact Rule, I decided to try it. I’ve been to no contact since March 8, and I also stopped going to his church. Right now, it’s so hard for me to stay in no contact due to quarantine, which makes me worried about him. It hurts a lot cause he said he prayed for me, yet he left me. I just hope he would give me a chance cause I know that I can really change and it was a lesson learned for me. I already know my mistakes. Can you please give me an advice on how to make him forgive me, and give our relationship a second chance?
    Thank you so much!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 30, 2020 at 11:32 pm

      Hi Joyce, so with EBR we say that you need to do a No Contact to almost reset things, you need that time apart for them to have space, time and able to forget the negative sides to why you broke up. You have that time to recreate the image you want your ex to have of you, this is why we work the Holy Trinity, health wealth and relationships (friends and family) I would suggest that for time being you focus on this and then after 30 or 45 days depending on how ready you feel. Reach out with a text that Chris suggests, short, positive and you end it first.

  10. Avatar

    Katharine

    March 26, 2020 at 10:41 pm

    I am a 40 year old woman who dated a man 3 months ago. He started acting a little different after I said I love you at about 4 weeks. I had an amazing time with him and saw him often. He fits my ideal. But after I said those 3 words he first said and acted like it was the most beautiful thing. He then said it was too soon to be saying that. I admit it was, but at 40 I have learned what my heart feels and learned who is it is not right for me. When he acted different it made me so uncomfortable that I told him I need space because I was unhappy with how things were going. He considered it breaking up and said I ended it with him. I tried to get him to come back, but he said he couldn’t just get back in the relationship right away after I ended things. He said I should have talked to him instead of texting him that I wanted space. I admit he is right. We really texted too much and that seemed to cause problems and lack of understanding a lot.

    He wanted to be friends and I reciprocated though it was very hard one me. I know that he would get upset when I asked if he minded if it hurt him if I go on a date. Or when I said maybe I should move on. When he would mention it later it was clear that he was upset about it l, but he tried to act like it doesn’t affect him. One day in person (which was the last time I saw him) I could see the hurt in his eyes when I said I needed to move on and date. When I asked, in person, why he wants to be friends he said he doesn’t want to lose me then walked to another part of the house to be alone a few minutes.

    Now that I think about it maybe he felt like I was giving mixed messages despite me continuing to say that I thought we should be together and that I made a mistake. I know that when we were together and now that he cares about me a great deal. And when we were together he was excited and liked me a lot.

    Despite all of this he kept stressing friendship. However, he won’t date anyone else either (at least so far). He first said we’ll be friends and take it from there. But weeks later he told me that he will help me with my future pursuits as a friend, we are best friends, and says a friendship could be even better than a relationship. He said that he will be in my life forever!

    But he is still adamant about just being a close friend. A few nights ago we spoke on the phone. The next day, I told him by text that I felt very close to him when I was on the phone with him. He kept pressing for me to elaborate more and more. I told him that I had experienced more than platonic feelings. He said it’s cool. But I was feeling vulnerable and rejected. I told him that being his friend hurts too much and that he is a constant reminder that he doesn’t want more than friendship with me. He said he shouldn’t text me so much. So, we agreed to stop contacting each other. I do feel like I need to get some distance from him so that I can heal from the rejection of him not wanting to get back together. But I am not wanting to completely let him go. I also don’t want to just be his friend.

    I think that being friends will not get me what I ultimately want. At the same time, I don’t know what the best thing I can do is to get him wanting a relationship again.

  11. Avatar

    Guy

    March 21, 2020 at 6:02 pm

    Hi, my girlfriend and I broke up about 4 weeks ago after about 18 months together. We broke up because I was going through some mental health and work issues and didn’t reciprocate her love as I should have. She just lost patience. I love her dearly and want her back. We initially only lasted 2 days of no contact. We began to see each other frequently such as dinner, movies, shopping trips. I thought things were going great. Yesterday she informed me that she just started talking to someone new. She said that she can’t give me another chance because she hasn’t fully forgiven me. She offered being friends and seeing if it grows from there. She has said I have no chance right now and that things would end immediately if we tried again now. It doesn’t sound like she’s ruled out the future stating that things grow from friendships. Do I have a chance if I reset and fully complete the no contact period? I took your quiz and it said above average but Im on day 1 of this new journey and could use some advice digesting this situation.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Guy, so yeah following the program is going ot give you, your best chance at getting her back. You do not want to be put in the friendzone as you are then going to have to work to get out of that too. Complete a No Contact period and then start the texting phase. Do not go out to dinner etc and friend date her too soon. You need to get her to start missing you and wanting to see you. Get her investing time into you

  12. Avatar

    Laura

    March 5, 2020 at 5:22 pm

    Hi, so my situation real quick… we were together for 2 great years. I was starting to get worried because we don’t know if we will end up in the same city next year. Mutually broke up 1.5 months ago, but I worked really hard on myself and now know how important he is to me. I told him that and that I don’t need him but I want him in my life but he cried and said he is too emotionally exhausted and he couldn’t be with me. Sooo now Im trying to get him to miss me by traveling and taking good pictures and just being happy. I am 11 days into no contact again and I’m trying to decide what cards to play. I am going to Chicago for st. patricks with a bunch of our mutual friends who chose me in the break up. I don’t want to make him feel sad that he doesn’t have anyone to be with and his other best friend is in Chicago. Should I break no contact and ask him if he wants a ride to Chicago so he can hang out with his friend (not the people I will be hanging with)? Or would it be better if he did feel that sadness and loneliness from seeing all of his friends and me having fun together? I just want him to be happy and it makes me sad thinking that something I do will make him sad. I know I should be selfish because he’s fine without me in his life. He’ll probably say no anyway because he studies hard but should I offer and then when he says no, he will be jealous that he wasn’t there, but at least I offered? I’ve got a week to decide but I would appreciate any help! Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 1:51 am

      Hi Laura as you are only in 11 days NC you do not invite him to anything you do not reach out at all. You need to complete 30 days total working on yourself and then reaching out with a text, where you do not ask for a meet up you just have a short positive conversation and then from there build it up through the value chain

  13. Avatar

    Gwen

    March 4, 2020 at 3:44 pm

    Hi,
    It’s been 2 weeks since we broke up. He is now entertaining another girl. Will he be able to miss me? What can I do to get him back, even if he is pursuing other girl now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 8:15 pm

      Hi Gwen as he has moved on so quickly I would say that he was in a rebound relationship and yes he would miss you still but hes just distracting himself. Read about the being there method if he does get into a relationship with this new person. But again I think its just a rebound to distract himself from the break up

  14. Avatar

    Madison K

    February 28, 2020 at 3:49 pm

    Hi there. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 1/2 months. He is 39 and I am 23.. we met at work. We both had a strong connection from the beginning and love/serious relationship quickly took place. Throughout our 9 months we have had issues with conflict. We continuously fought for this reason or that, at first surrounding him controlling me. I learned he is bipolar and he started therapy to save our relationship. This was back in October. We still were fighting over little things that we realized were silly fights only after things truly escalated. And I mean REALLY escalating. He has told me before he has a way of self-sabotaging himself away from happiness which he does in fights where he leaves the apartment, says things he doesn’t mean, says mean things, and tries to end the relationship. Back in December we had a big fight and it ended with me slapping him. He called the cops on me and we took two days to calm down and we came together to talk and he wanted to keep trying. So we did. But I will admit he was becoming more and more detached, his intimacy level went way down and in fact became incredibly depressed. We were supposed to move in together in March (all of my clothes and things were already at his place and I hadn’t spent a night away from him in 6 months) but he was rethinking this. He aggressively defended not moving in together and not moving forward. His therapy sessions made him revisit this and in late January we discussed moving in and we decided it was a great idea. After all we had got a puppy together in November after he had an explosion with his family (those relationships are in turmoil as well). We had an awesome couple of weeks and Valentine’s weekend. He left for a business trip last week and when he came back he didn’t come home (stayed in a hotel without telling me he was doing so) because he didn’t want to come home to me— he thought we were going to fight because he wasn’t texting me kind and I told him I didn’t like his tone. So the next day he came home and we worked things out. We had an AMAZING day together and went out and had some dinner, wine and cocktails. We discussed our wedding one day and the next holiday season with our families. The ride home was flirtatious and frisky. Then I accidentally dinged his car door when we parked and I was getting out. Immediate explosion. When we got into the apartment he demanded I call my mom and tell her everything he was saying (I did because as I said we had been drinking and I did it in a sassy way)— I left to walk the dog and came back. When I came back he started throwing my things down the hallway and screaming at me. The neighbors called the cops because of the loud noise. Again I didn’t spend the night there. The next day, this past Sunday, I went to his place in the morning to chat, he said we were done and again got raging mad, said I was evil, glad he never married me, and all sorts of things. I ended up talking to his parents for 2 hours and they said they had been worried about him for years. Sunday night we chatted on the phone and he took ownership for a lot of the fight and that he was going to go on anti-depressants, up therapy and work on himself. But at the same time he wanted to work on us, do couples therapy like I had suggested before. He said he wanted the night to be alone and I said ok and that we would talk tomorrow. I said I love you over text before bed without a text back. The next day I heard nothing from him.. no communication. Tuesday I showed up to his place in the morning because I had no work clothes or shower items. I knocked on the door and he wouldn’t open it and told me this conversation was over and I needed to leave. I was confused after the conversation we had sunday. He said over text he wasn’t trying to be unkind but was uncomfortable with me in his house and feared for his safety. He dropped off a ton of my things that night but he wasn’t in the mood to talk. He said he was empty and after reflecting he just thinks our fighting is cyclical and won’t change. He hugged me but we didn’t kiss. He said that maybe in 1-3 months he would be open to talking about out history but just needed space. He said we were done though. My mom reached out to him to see if he was ok and he gave her quick and pleasant responses (nothing about me) and his parents have texted me saying it’s best we spend some time apart. I want him back. He is in a low point in life but our relationship struggles through his short temper and depression (he has had his whole life). Finally he is taking care of his mental health which I believe we will be back on track from it. At first I think I was too much for him, in that I didn’t recognize the mental issues at first and kept asking what was wrong, pushed intimacy and was too hands on. How do I go about getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 6, 2020 at 10:42 pm

      Hi Madison, so I would say that the first thing you need to do if you want this person back is understand what the condition is and how it works, and also research how it is to be in a relationship with a person who has bipolar and is still in the stages of learning how to medicate themselves. It is difficult position to be in for someone who is not sure of what their partner goes through on a daily basis.

      Then you also need to apply the ERP process to yourself, starting with a No Contact and Ungettable girl work so that you are the best version of yourself at the same time to make sure that none of your issues form the previous relationship you had with your ex are still there when you start talking again

  15. Avatar

    Katie

    February 26, 2020 at 9:25 pm

    Hi, so me and my ex broke up a week ago and was on a break for about 2 weeks before we did end it. We were together for around 5 months and we just got together when I moved away, which is about an hour and a half away from him. At first even though I had moved away things were really good, but after a few months I noticed he slowly became less interested and just made less of an effort. Around a month ago we both realised things were pretty bad but didn’t want to give up/let go, but it just got worse. He eventually told me on the break that he just doesn’t love me anymore and he had never loved anyone before but fell in love with me but now just fell out of love and doesn’t want a relationship with me or anyone at the moment because the distance is too hard and he wants to ‘enjoy’ his life before any relationships but he says he knows he’s lost something really good and major. He told me when we broke up he wants to stay friends and we’ve spoke every now and then since we broke up, and we considered being friends with benefits but he told me he didn’t want to give me false hope if that ever happened, and that we could try again over the summer when I’m back from university but is now saying that it’s done. but over the weekend we was out at the same place and he got with another girl and I got really angry at him for which he is still annoyed at. He also told me he misses me but not the way I want him to and told me a few days ago he isn’t hurt by the break up and is now saying he is but it’s done but he keeps telling me he’s bored of getting asked questions that he doesn’t have the answer for. I just want to try and make him love me again and miss me and want to try again but I don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 4, 2020 at 10:25 pm

      Hi Kaite, so working on yourself and focusing on sticking to a complete 30 NC and making sure that you read the information about being Ungettable. Applying this to your life and letting mutual friends and social media show your ex what he is missing out on by not being with you anymore.

  16. Avatar

    Amy Krystel

    February 20, 2020 at 5:21 am

    He broke up with me recently after almost two years of living together. He doesn’t have any social media and we now live 2hrs awa. I don’t understand how does he get to miss me if he just gets to never see me again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 20, 2020 at 10:50 pm

      Hi Amy, he is going to miss you because of the break up and often exes find ways to check your social media even if he does not use it make sure your social media is looking good. Mutual friends / family members is usually how they check in

  17. Avatar

    Gazelle

    February 13, 2020 at 3:31 am

    Hi Chris

    What if your ex doesnt really use or look on social media and blocked me again in whattsapp (right now just trying to eventually get a friendship back at least but even that is now difficult he decided)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 15, 2020 at 5:25 pm

      Hey Gazelle so if they do not use social media, do they have any mutual friends who do use social media and have you on there> If so make sure they can see the amazing things you are doing there. And eventually your ex will unblock you on whatsapp, just make sure when they do that your DP is looking amazing, post stories to the whatsapp and show how great you are doing. Read about being Ungettable and make sure that anyone who you mutually have in your life can see that. This information will get back to them

  18. Avatar

    Esmeralda Garcia

    January 24, 2020 at 1:04 am

    Me and my boyfriend been together for 9 months and we broke up 2 weeks ago. It happened on a Saturday night when I was going to stay the night at his place and his friend was over. I was waiting for his friend to leave so I can spend time with him. When his friend finally left I was sitting in his room and I was upset because our relationship hasn’t been the same. He doesn’t give me a hug or kiss when he sees me and that night when I asked him for a favor. He answered me all annoyed. He saw me crying and asked me “what’s wrong?” I turned around so I don’t start crying more. I told him “ I wish you knew how I feel about us” We started talking and He said that he just doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore. That he doesn’t feel that connection. I asked him how long has he been feeling like this. He’s been feeling like this 2 months ago! He didn’t say anything to me until I brought it up. Which hurts even more because he’s been dragging me along and he said that he tried to make it work. Without me even knowing he felt like that. I just want to have another chance and make it work because I gave him a chance when we had a big argument and he didn’t deserve that chance that I gave him. But I love him so much that I decided to hear him out. I just don’t know what to do to make him miss me and try to make this work.

  19. Avatar

    alexxis brown

    December 29, 2019 at 8:52 pm

    so it’s like a long story involving his ex. when we met he was still dating her all the way up till he came home for august. her friend told me in august and him and i worked it out he did things to prove to me and show me. like i even told him if he couldn’t handle doing any of it then don’t be here but he did. well a lot of my anxiety came up when i was moving and trying to get this job and what not. so we would have small fights here and there and at those times he would get aggressively angry. after the last small one we talked about it and he stopped getting so angry. well we had a conversation that led into another fight like two months ago which brought up his ex saying how he told her happy birthday and checked on her because she posted something depressing one day but that was it. and then he said his brothers gf posted something with her and it made him miss her. so then i’m calm and i’m just trying to like talk to him about it to see where we need to go. well he starts crying and just goes to the room and starts packing and i’m like ok dude you are over reacting like wtf. so then he says idk what to do i’m need to be alone whatever and i’m like ok well you have practice at 5 am if you still feel this way do it in the morning. he sits down on the bed and listens to me talk to him and i cried a little when i told him how i felt. he then went to watch tv in the living room like no big deal. then he went to sleep on my bed and was okay with me next to him. and at this point i’m giving him space not crossing boundaries and then when it was time to take him to school he still kissed me and said i love you like okay you are starting to get better and i didn’t go out of my way to text him he came to me. so he started the conversation like any normal day communicating with me like showing me look i’m fine i’m sorry i love you. so a couple days went by and we talked about it. he tells me he responded that way because he’s overwhelmed. he had been helping me and taking care of me with my anxiety not being so healthy as well as he had baseball and school cuz if he didn’t do well he couldn’t play. so i said ok makes sense and i also know he’s not where he wants to be for himself as a person. he doesn’t know where he wants to be at when he graduates. so i said okay we can take things day by day that’s fine. i assumed you stayed because you know i can be that person for you because you’ve grown a lot since we’ve last had a problem. and he was like yes and i said ok where do you want me to be at for you and he said i want you right here with me and i said ok well if you want me to go through it with you she has to not be in control. she can’t be affecting none of this. i told him the relationship i have with my ex is the way is because of the decisions he made and i want no part of it. you left for a reason and get y’all can be cool but you and i are building our history together and nobody should be involved that are ex’s this shouldn’t be a conversation anymore because we are starting to build this foundation. in a couple years maybe. but right now no and it’s not gonna help you figure yourself out if you still let her get in your head. and he said okay i said that’s the only reason i’m staying. if it happens i can’t do it anymore. so after that like he was doing things i never ever asked, being vulnerable with me. just being out right amazing. i showing him more appreciation. he had an amazing time at thanksgiving, i’ve never seen him get like that. well we needed to talk about christmas. and we didn’t till a week before and he came to me about it i didn’t even get the chance to say hey we need to talk. so he tells me he wants to be in new york alone so he can fix things with his family over the whole situation because he never fixed anything with his mom over she only knows the ex’s version of everything. so i know that was a real thing. he told his parents his ex can’t hang around anymore because he’s trying to fix things and do the right thing. so i had said you know how i feel about this. like i respect you needing to do that, i get it makes sense. i preached to him about how his family is more important than either one of us. and i said you know how i feel about it and he was like i know i understand and i’ll do everything to show, i’ll communicate and tell you and i said okay like it doesn’t have to be crazy just be honest with me. i have to trust you danny. ( i have never done anything to make him feel like he had to be extra or overwhelmed, i always gave him his space, let him come to me because me doing that would’ve made things worse. and so we talked it out we were good he was honest about his feelings. that whole rest of the week he was being vulnerable open honest being normal doing things we should’ve been doing form the beginning. just it was a great week. sunday i took him to celebrate his semester and celebrate our own little christmas. we had the best date ever where he was even telling me to put my phone down like it was just perfect, the way it should’ve been. monday he did things he’s never done either like call me when he gets in a situation, he bought me dinner, he introduced me to his cousin he hasn’t seen in 10 years, his friends taking me everywhere. not only that he was taking pictures of where he was at all week, keeping me updated like just out of his way stuff i never asked of him. stuff i never expected of him.now saturday i’m driving out here almost to albuqurque i had a bad dream the night before and i ignored it. it was the same typical day we would have since the past week he was home. and i told him i’m driving like call me when you can and he still did the same stuff took pictures and we had conversations it was great. so then like he calls me and says i just wanted to check in let you know i’m home how are you i’m going to shower eat and spend some more time with my family. and i’m like ok well it gets later and i asked him in a babyish way like how much longer cuz i miss you. he takes a picture of everyone in his family and says idk babe i’m still hanging out. and i got a weird feeling in my gut so i said idk if it’s PTSD from the summer or my bad dream but is there anything i need to know. and he says no.

    ten minutes later he does actually there is something. i go okay call me about it then. he goes idk if we will work out when i get back. and i was like wtf. he was like i want to be alone, i want to be free, i don’t want to have to text somebody or call someone and then nag at me for it and i said i never did that and he said i know you didn’t just in general. he said i just want to do what i want to do. and i said okay like what the heck. the past week danny the past two weeks you’ve been doing all these extra things like what in the world and he was like idk. and i was like you could’ve left i never told you to stay and he said i know you gave me so many chances but watching you cry hurt me and i wanted to still be with you even more. and i was like none of this makes sense whoever you talked telling you this isn’t fair because they don’t know us and whatever. he said nobody did i’ve been thinking about it. and i kept trying to get him to give me answers and all he could say was idk. he said i still care about you but i love you as a person. and i was like wtf. and i tried to get him to tell me where we would stand after he figures it out. like him and i had a good connection like a lot of people like thought we had been together for years like were super woah y’all look meant to be and shit so people got the same feeling of how our relationship was connected. he said honestly i think i still love my ex. and i said okay like you are back home it’s confusing memories are there like i get it. like when i went home when we first started dating it was pretty hard for me but i had you and i knew it was a vicious cycle if i tried to go back to that. and i asked him like once you figure it out like what about us and he was like no i think i may go back to her. and i was like seriously danny. how could you do all that you did show me you wanted me through your actions but you never actually felt that way. it doesn’t make any sense. i said you left her for the reason of pushing you away she argued with you and little things way too much. and he just said idk idk. and i said danny you know i’m a great person you were my best friend we had so many similar ambitions, commonalities, we had fun. you told me i was different and special and he was like you are right. i was like like you literally lied to me the whole time then. everything had to have been a lie if you are treating this like it’s me and none of it ever happened. he got mad at me for saying that and he said don’t you dare saying i never appreciated you, all of it was genuine. i felt it and what what i said when i felt it. i just don’t know what happened where i didn’t anymore. i said honestly you are slapping me in the face for saying i still am that girl you wanted to be with just so you could have the possibility of fucking your ex, i honestly wish you would’ve done that just so i could’ve left you because at least there was truth. right now you aren’t telling me anything, giving me anything to go off of. and he goes well i don’t want to be with anyone so it doesn’t even matter. i need to do some stuff for myself and i said i’m all down for that danny but for you to do that that means neither one of us should be part of your life cuz you won’t be able to. i said you are gonna go back into a vicious cycle with her and you are gonna be miserable. and he said if i do then i do. that’s my choice. i said wow… so then i said i guess i wasn’t enough then, it wasn’t enough. he said no it’s not about you, you did everything right, i need to figure stuff out. i said no you don’t danny, you have it figured out, you are telling me you are walking away from relationships in general because you don’t want to be part of what takes place in it just to go back to something that’s ten times worse that the bullshit we went through. we had more good times than bad. and he said i know we did. i said i know who tf i am danny. i know i’m the healthier better person for gods sake you stopped getting so angry you were being vulnerable with me and all those things with me, he said i know you are different i still believe that. i said it’s a slap in my face, especially acting like it didn’t happen. if you do choose to go that route you are going to be in a cycle you are going to be miserable and you are gonna remember this night and know i told you so and regret it. and he got quiet for awhile and said idk what to say… i said thank you for growing my heart bigger than i thought it was, for showing me what i want in someone, and for all the fun…. he was like we did have a lot of fun. on my birthday he got so totally wasted that he actually told me how he felt like deeply felt about me, he’s a shower not a talkie person and i pointed that out and he said idk idk what to say… and he just kept getting quiet saying idk what to say….when i found out everything the first time i had asked him a question about like why me. cuz he cheated on this girl all the time in judo, like a lot a lot. so i said i just want to know why, why did you pick me? if you just wanted a one time thing or a fling or whatever to say you had a chance with me when i told you that i didn’t want it to be like that why didn’t you do it, what made you keep a relationship for almost a year. he said all those girls were just one and done, nothing more. he said with you i could hang out with you we could have fun we can do everything together we could be independent at the same time and have the same friends and you are cool. plus everything everyone told me about you. i said fanny we never hung out on that level until the night we met so what about that night made you decide not to just have a chance and date me. (he gets really really upset, so the night we met his friend tried to fight everyone drunk well danny had to fight him off and seeing him that way made me want to be there for him even after a whole night of pushing him away, on the way home while he drove i held his hand, to comfort him) so that’s what he said, he said, because you are different. you holding my hand that night that’s what caught my attention. he said you didn’t even know me and you went to comfort me and nobody has ever did that… i said okay bye danny.
    the next day i got into a car accident he called me and said he was up all night… he stayed up till i drove home to cali. he’s never posts on snapchat. and 3 days later he posted of himself hitting baseballs and said getting right for my last rodeo. when days before he would send me his videos he still looks at my stories. he went out of his way to say merry christmas. i accidentally called him and even after i said it was an accident he asked if i meant to call and apologized for being busy hitting. he would keep saying i’m sorry for being busy when i would text about stuff i needed information from him on. he still interacts normal if we still have to have a conversation. now idk what to do, idk what to feel. he still has to grab his stuff from my place… my heart says he’s home where stuff is comfortable and easier and tempting because he was slowly starting to show me like look i want to be here. one time he even had me sit in the tub with him so he could wash my hair and back and just held me… idk what to do

  20. Avatar

    Colleen

    December 28, 2019 at 4:13 pm

    So after 2 years my boyfriend broke-up with me 11/19. The cause was he kept saying i was being crazy/jealous the final straw was him telling me he was going to his uncles house but someone seen him parked elsewhere when i called him he wasn’t answering me so I went over there to see what was going on & when he finally came walking up the street from who knows where he flipped out & ended it on the spot. Now we lived together so he didnt move out, however his grandmother became ill during this time, Thanksgiving day he said he was spending it with his mother & grandmother i found out his soon to be ex-wife was there i was very upset we argued & from that night on he stayed at his grandmothers. We continued to hang out, sleep together etc. he said he only had her around to see his kids. I asked if we were going to work things out or whst was going on his reply i hope we can I dont know if you can change. Give me space let me miss you & focus on my grandmother. He would get upset if he seen me textin questioning who i was talking to , he said he wasn’t talkin to anyone else dating anyone else. Now the night his grandmother passed we went out with his family for drinks & slept together, the following night i caught him making out with another female & he slept at her house. I packed all his stuff & dropped it off with his mother & havent heard from him since last friday. He blocked me on all social media too.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 2, 2020 at 11:28 pm

      Hi Colleen, thats very hurtful thing for you to go through but right now you are going to have to go into a no contact, even if he has met someone else and the things have been getting worse the more you sleep with him out side of a relationship the more he will think that you are happy for things to be this way. So No Contact and spend some time apart he has blocked you on social media etc because he does not want to talk to you right now. So allow that. He will start to miss you especially after spending 2 years together and living together. He will more than likely take some time as he is going to be grieving the loss of his grandmother for a while too

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