What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup

If you want your ex boyfriend to miss you (after your breakup) then you definitely came to the right place. You will find that my site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a lot different than the rest of my peers. I don’t write articles for the sake of writing articles. In fact, I would say that I don’t write articles at all.

I write in-depth guides that will help you accomplish a specific goal. In addition to that, I am extremely involved on this site. Me and my team respond to every comment personally and as long as your comment relates to the topic that my “in-depth guide” covers you should get a response within a day (unless it’s the weekend.)

Now, I know that’s a bit of a shocking statement to make especially when you consider the state of the “get your back niche” these days. I mean, just the other day I was doing research on a forum and I saw hundreds of women NOT getting answered. But I really feel that’s what makes Ex Boyfriend Recovery different from the rest.

We have a whole team dedicated to upholding our “motto,” if you will.

What’s our motto?

That everyone who comes to the site to read, watch, or comment should be helped and attended to.

Oh… how rude of me.

Perhaps I should introduce you to “The Ex Recovery Team.”

team members

Now, throughout this article you may notice that a few of our team members chime in and offer little tidbits of advice on top of the advice that I am dishing out. Don’t be alarmed by that.

You are still learning from me, Chris Seiter, it’s just that I always think five heads are better than one.

But perhaps I shouldn’t get too touchy feely here. You are here for a reason after all and that reason is to make your ex boyfriend miss you.

So, since you are inquiring about how you can make your ex miss you this page is going to be focused solely on that. So, without further ado, I give you the method in which you should employ to make your ex miss you.

Will Making An Ex Boyfriend Miss You Help You Win Him Back?

You are here to learn about how to make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?

If you are then this makes me assume that ultimately you want your ex boyfriend back. After all, why else would you want to make him miss you?

(Well, I suppose getting revenge on him is an answer here but lets just assume that, that isn’t the reason you want to make him miss you.)

The thinking goes a little like this,

“If I make him miss me then eventually he will realize that he wants to be back in a relationship with me.”

So, lets do a little role playing here and assume that you end up taking the advice I teach on this page to heart and successfully make your ex boyfriend miss you.

Do you think he will come back?

Do you think making him miss you alone will be enough?

Unfortunately no…

Don’t get me wrong, you will absolutely have to make your ex miss you if you want any chance of winning him back but it isn’t going to be enough alone.

Think of it like a puzzle.

In order to get your ex boyfriend back you need to put the entire puzzle together,

puzzle

However, simply getting your ex boyfriend to miss you is essentially like trying to put a puzzle together with just one piece.

It’s impossible.

But that’s why you need a reference guide to teach you to put all the pieces together. So, The Ex Recovery Team and I have put together an entire book for doing just that.

It’s called,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Think of it like the ultimate step by step game plan for getting your ex back. It takes you through the process from start to finish. It gives you all the puzzle pieces and covers just about every situation you can think of.

Seriously…

Take a look at the situations we cover in PRO,

  • You Cheated
  • They Cheated
  • You Cheated On Each Other
  • Long Distance
  • Being Blocked
  • He/She Has A New Girlfriend/Boyfriend
  • If You Slept With Them
  • Engagement
  • If They Are In The Army
  • If You Have A Child Together
  • If You Have Been Friend Zoned
  • How To Get Them Back After A Long Time Apart (1 Yr +)
  • They Broke Up With You
  • You Broke Up With Them
  • If You Work With Them
  • If Your Ex Just Got Divorced
  • If You Just Got Divorced
  • Getting Your Husband/Wife Back
  • If You Think You Were The Rebound
  • If They Were On The Rebound
  • What To Do If They Are Married
  • What If There Is An Age Gap
  • If You Are Pregnant (Women Only)
  • What If Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant (Men Only)
  • On Again/Off Again

But you are probably getting bored of hearing me talk about Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO aren’t you? After all, you did come here to make your ex boyfriend back, right?

Well, then lets get right to it.

I give you the ultimate guide for making an ex boyfriend miss you.

Please enjoy it! Oh, and one thing we are really good about here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is answering people’s questions. So, if you have any type of question about the process I am about to teach you feel free to ask us in the comments section of this article or you can ask Leia, our support rep at [email protected]

Lets dive in!

You Have A “Missing” Advantage Already

advantage

One of the things that I have always found fascinating when it comes to researching breakups is the scientific data that I come across. You see, I am one of those people who is low on faith.

Faith = Believing in something without seeing it.

And perhaps that’s a little strange for the profession that I have chosen since a lot of getting an ex back is all about believing in an outcome that hasn’t occurred yet.

Nevertheless, I think it would be wrong of me to try to teach you something without having proof it works which is why I find the scientific research done on breakups so fascinating.

So many insights can be derived from them.

Take The Brain Study As An Example…

Did you know that science has proven that after a breakup you experience the same type of feeling that a drug addict would feel if he/she was going through a withdrawal period?

In 2005, psychologist Art Aron, neurologist Lucy Brown, and anthropologist Helen Fisher all teamed up to do an interesting study on individuals who had just recently gone through a breakup.

They decided to have the individuals put a brain imaging tool on and then showed them pictures of their ex.

The scientists were trying to determine what was happening in the brain of the people who just went through the breakup.

The results were shocking.

The part of the brain that lit up was the same part of the brain that is commonly present in drug addicts who are going through withdrawal.

So, I guess it’s true what they say.

Love is a drug!

But one simple study probably isn’t enough to sway your opinion, huh?

Ok, lets dive in a little deeper and look at the interesting world of “Facebook Creeping”

The Facebook Creeper Statistic

GUILTY!

I have done this.

Hell, I think everyone does this after a breakup. It’s human nature to be curious about what your ex is up to post breakup. I remember in my circumstance with my most recent ex I would think to myself,

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.36.41 PM“I wonder if she is depressed… I bet she is. Let me look and find out.”

And ever since Facebook was invented it has become the ultimate tool for spying on on ex. Just ask Veronika Lukacs who conducted the study as part of her Media Studies Masters thesis, in which she looked at how many people have admitted to “Facebook Creeping” on an ex.

Now, if you don’t know what “Facebook Creeping” is it’s actually quite simple.

Facebook Creeping = Spying on an exes Facebook profile after a breakup to see what they are up to.

You won’t believe how many people admitted to creeping on their exes Facebook.

Nearly 90%!

(Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/28/nearly-90-percent-of-people-creep-facebook_n_1687424.html)

That’s incredible.

You realize what that means, right?

Well, it means that there is a nearly 90% chance that your ex boyfriend is going to come strolling by your Facebook profile assuming you are still friends there.

That’s amazing.

But again, I still feel this incredible need to provide you with overwhelming statistics before I specifically talk about the advantage you have.

The Overwhelming Statistics In Your Favor

pacman

Did you know that 71% of people claim that they think about their ex too much?

Now, does that necessarily mean that if your ex falls into the 71% category that he is going to be missing you?

No, remember, this statistic is basically just saying that 71% of people think about their exes too much. It doesn’t dive too deep into what he is thinking when he is missing you.

He could be thinking negative things…

He could be thinking positive things…

We just don’t know.

Nevertheless, thinking about an ex too much certainly is a start towards missing that ex.

But it gets even better, 60% of people who are married or dating say that their ex is on their mind too much. So, this basically tells us that even if you are married you may still think about your ex too much.

What are my thoughts on this statistic?

Well, I think the important distinction that has to be made is if they are thinking about their ex TOO MUCH or just a little bit. I think it’s human nature to have your mind wander to the past and think about an ex.

Hell, I am sure even my own wife has had this happen from time to time but it’s not like she can turn her mind off.

No one can.

But there is a definite difference between having your mind take a small trip down memory lane and thinking about an ex all day every day.

I would be curious to hear what people defined as thinking “too much”

Oh, and in case you are wondering where I got these statistics, the Yahoo Dating section!

Now I want to talk about your “Big Advantage”

The Big Advantage That You Have

I got pretty darn boring just now and threw out a bunch of statistics for you. The statistics were meant to prove one thing.

What The Statistics Prove = That even after a breakup, without you doing anything, your ex is thinking about you way too much

So, if your ex is thinking about you too much then you can ultimately use that to your advantage, right?

That’s your big advantage when it comes to making a man miss you. As a default, he is already thinking about you too much. So, that puts you in a pretty good place because many of you will find that it’s not going to take too much to get him to miss you.

Now, does that mean that it’s easy to make a man miss you?

Absolutely not.

There are a lot of factors involved.

But here is my vision.

Right now your ex, as a default, is thinking about you too much,

default

Now, imagine if you took an ex who was thinking about you too much and coupled it with a professional’s strategies,

My strategies

Making him miss you should be a piece of cake, right?

Well, there is still one more thing that I think we need to cover before I can give you the strategy you should implement and this is something that is going to be important for you to understand because it’s going to directly affect your chances for making him miss you.

The Number One Factor That Determines Whether He Misses You Or Not

Let’s role play.

Lets pretend that in your entire life you have only dated two men.

Man One – Was the great love of your life. He treated you like a queen, made you feel butterflies and as you were dating him you would often think to yourself, “I think he may be “The One.””

Man Two- You also loved Man Two but he did not treat you so well. Your entire relationship, while electric was full of fights. Man Two had a bad habit of putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself.

So, lets assume that you have broken up with both of these men.

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.42.07 PMWhich one do you think you are more likely to miss?

Man One, right?

Why?

Because he treated you like a queen and your overall relationship with him was better.

And that brings me to my ultimate point.

Without a doubt the number one factor that determines whether a man will miss you or not is always going to be your past relationship with him.

Now, I am not like those other relationship experts out there that will tell you what you want to hear 100% of the time.

If you had a horrible relationship with your ex your chances of having him miss you is going to be lower. That’s just the way it is. Of course, if you had a great relationship with him your chances will be higher.

So, it works both ways.

The Secret Advantage Of YOU Initiating The Breakup

secret

Ok, one more thing to talk about before we can start getting down to the actual strategy of making an ex boyfriend miss you.

Did you know that you have a “secret advantage” if you were actually the one to initiate the breakup with your ex?

This one is just pretty much common sense. As you know, there are usually three outcomes to a breakup.

1. He Can Break Up With You- Where your ex boyfriend actually is the one to initiate the break up.

2. You Can Break Up With Him- Where YOU actually are the one to initiate the break up with him.

3. You Both Mutually Agree To Break Up- This one is where you both break up mutually. No side strikes first.

I highlighted the “you can break up with him” choice because you will have a small advantage in making your ex miss you if you initiated the breakup.

We have already established above that you have an advantage in the fact that most people say that they still think about their ex too much but when you add in the fact that you initiated the breakup your advantage is going to be a little more distinct.

When I get to talking about the no contact rule (really soon) I am going to talk about psychological reactance.

But I suppose I can give you an early taste here since it is definitely going to apply.

Psychological reactance theory basically states that when you take away someones options to do something their attraction to gain their freedom to get that option back increases.

Think of it like this.

Lets say you are walking in the store with a toddler named Ricky (no idea why I picked that name but bear with me here.) Ricky tugs on your pants and points to a toy saying,

“I want that toy!”

You immediately say,

“No, you can’t have that toy.”

Well, now that, Ricky’s freedom to have that toy has been taken away what does he want more than anything?

The toy!

This is psychological reactance in a nutshell.

So, by breaking up with your ex you actually increase the chances that he will miss you because his freedom to have you has been taken away.

Pretty interesting, right?

Of course, there is one case where this might not work as well.

The ONE Case Where You Might Not Have This Advantage

If you broke up with your ex because he cheated on you.

Cheating is one of those topics that is difficult for everyone involved (including me an impartial third party.)

“Wait, why is it hard for you?”

Easy, it’s hard because I am the one that has to come up with the game plan for putting a “cheating couple” back together. Thus, I have to do a lot of research on the topic to determine the best way to proceed.

So, like I said above, you probably aren’t going to have this secret advantage if you broke up with your ex if he cheated on you.

Why?

Because clearly something went wrong with your relationship.

Generally speaking people don’t cheat on a whim.

It’s not like a guy wakes up one day and goes,

“ALRIGHTY! Today is the day I cheat on my girlfriend.”

It’s usually a slow process that takes place over months. And for a man to cheat on you generally means that the wasn’t fully satisfied with the relationship.

Now, does that mean that he never loved you if he cheated on you?

No, Esther Perel, has dedicated pretty much her whole life to studying infidelity and she has found that oftentimes men and women who cheat are still in love with their partner. They just want more excitement in their sex lives.

Now, take that whatever way you want.

I am going to take it as if there is a fundamental problem with your relationship because in my mind a man who is fully satisfied with his relationship will be excited and engaged in his sex life with his partner.

Nevertheless, if you broke up with your ex because he cheated then you aren’t going to have this small little advantage that I am talking about.

Now lets look at the other side of the coin.

The ONE Case Where You Will Absolutely Have The Secret Advantage

If you broke up with him and he didn’t want you to.

Above I established that the the secret advantage that I keep talking about heavily revolves around this idea of “psychological reactance.”

And to be honest I can’t think of situation that screams “taking a mans freedom to have you away” more than this one.

If you broke up with your ex boyfriend when he didn’t want you to break up with him then you have definitely left him with the impression that you are a very rare commodity.

It’s a bit of that law of scarcity.

You will find that the more scarce you are the more attractive you will be to men in general.

It’s the same way that diamonds are so attractive to women.

It’s the fact that they look pretty AND they are very rare.

I mean, something tells me that you wouldn’t find a diamond so attractive if you go buy it for a dollar at the dollar store.

Anyways, lets move on to the meat of this guide.

How to make a man miss you after a breakup!

The “Make Him Miss You” Strategy

I want you to take a look at the graphic below,

strategy

Pretty straightforward, right?

“Umm Chris… no it’s not.”

Well, don’t worry. It will be because I am going to break it down for you.

The “BIG” strategy for making your ex boyfriend miss you is divided up into four different parts,

1. The No Contact Rule
2. Social Media Game
3. The “Frank Sinatra Effect”
4. Jealousy Tactics

Lets start from the top!

PART ONE: The No Contact Rule

(For more in-depth information on the No Contact Rule and how to PROPERLY put it into practice please check out the No Contact Rule Book)

talk to me

Throughout this site you will find that the No Contact Rule is a pretty big theme.

Hell, I even wrote an entire book about it (The No Contact Rule Book.)

But why is it such a big theme?

Why do I talk about it so much?

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.49.58 PMWell that’s easy to answer. The no contact rule is without a doubt one of the most successful strategies for getting an ex back. A few weeks ago I compiled all of my recorded success stories to try to determine any correlations that I could find between what the people who had actually won their exes back were doing that the people who were failing weren’t.

Turns out the no contact rule was present in 74% of the successes.

But to be honest I think that number is actually a lot higher than that.

Why?

Because a portion of the success stories that I had recorded didn’t give me much information.

They just said something like,

“Thanks, I got my ex back.”

Not really deep enough for me to determine what that particular person did to succeed in getting their ex back, huh?

Don’t believe me?

Ok, here is a sample of one of the “thin” success stories that I got,

testimonial-9

 

 

So, if you were to ask my opinion on how many of the successes used the no contact rule I would put the number closer to 90%. Whatever the case, one thing is very clear.

The no contact rule is essential if you want to get your ex boyfriend back.

But how does it make him miss you?

Good question.

In order to answer that I think we first need to define the no contact rule.

The NC Rule (No Contact Rule) is a rule that states the following:

You are not allowed to call, text, email, Facebook or Google your ex for a specific period of time. If during that “period of time” you are contacted by your ex you are not allowed to respond. The no contact rule serves three main purposes. It gives both of you a “cool off period” to calm down from the breakup, it gives you the opportunity to improve yourself during the “cool off period” and it raises the chances that he will miss you.

Sounds simple, right?

WRONG!

The no contact rule is without a doubt the hardest strategy to complete on this site.

Hell, all you have to do is visit one of my “no contact rule” pages to see just how many women are struggling with it.

But you don’t care about that do you?

No, you care about the psychology behind why the no contact rule can make an ex boyfriend miss you, right?

Ok, lets tackle that right now.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

I want you to ask me a question.

The question = Chris, what is the number one mistake you see people making after a breakup.

WOW, thanks for asking that amazing question 😉 .

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 3.18.52 PMThe number one mistake that I see people making after a breakup is begging. They beg for their exes back. The become GNATS and just stick around.

I mean, put yourself in your ex boyfriends shoes for a second assuming that you were bugging the hell out of him after a breakup with you.

Would you find it attractive if someone you didn’t have feelings for anymore was bugging you every five seconds trying to convince you to do something you didn’t want to do?

Something tells me you wouldn’t.

Now, how does this play into making an ex miss you?

Easy, a man cannot miss that which he sees every day.

One of my favorite movies of all time is “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

I know it’s kind of a weird choice when there are way more epic movies out there but for some reason “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

What can I say… I dig revenge stories.

Truthfully, I watch the movie at least once a year and you know what causes me to watch it?

Something reminds me of it and then I think to myself,

“Man, that movie was so good I miss the feeling that it gave me. Maybe I should watch it.”

But I only have that thought because I haven’t seen it in a long time. Lets say that I watched it every day for a year. I can tell you right now that at that point it wouldn’t be my favorite movie anymore. No, it would probably end up being my most hated movie. It would become stale and I would grow sick of it.

By not giving your ex a chance to miss you, via the no contact rule, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The No Contact Rule Makes You More Attractive (I Can Prove It)

Have you ever heard of the notion that “people want what they can’t have?”

People want “that” which they feel should belong to them. By taking something away from them (e.g. you make yourself unavailable by not communicating), the person will be motivated to pursue.

In the world of psychology, it’s called “Psychological Reactance”. This concept emerged from the work of the American psychologist, Jack Brehm in 1966.
“Brehm argues that individuals have a set of “free behaviors” that they believe they can engage in at present or some time in the future. Behavioral freedoms vary in importance, with some being highly important because they deal with critical survival. Stephen Worchel (2004) suggested that these freedoms help define the individual’s self-identity. A threat or elimination of freedom results in an increase of attractiveness of the forbidden act and the motivation to engage in that behavior.” http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G2-3045302191.html In really simple terms, when you implement the No Contact Strategy, it’s like you are secretly saying, “You can’t have me. You can’t talk to me. I am depriving you of your freedom to be with me”.

With psychological reactance in play, your Ex is secretly thinking, “I want what you say I can’t have. It should belong to me and is part of me, so I will pursue it”

Ah, and that leads the way to another little hypothesis that I have.

According to psychological reactance your ex is going to want what he can’t have. We have already established that. But lets take a trip to fantasy land (your favorite place in the world) and say that you successfully get your ex back.

I have this theory that the harder you make it for him to get you back the more he will appreciate you when he has you.

My buddies first car is an example.

I had a friend who wanted a car more than anything when he was 16 years old. So, he spent an entire summer mowing peoples yards to get money to buy this beat up chevy truck that kind of looked like this,

old beat up chevy truck

Pretty crappy, right?

Here’s the thing.

He treated that car so good and he loved it more than anything. Hell, even now he reminisces about it. But I doubt he would have treated it so well if it had just been gifted to him.

In fact, there was one time that I asked him flat out,

“Why do you like this truck so much?”

His response was simple…

“Because I had to work so hard to get it. Dude, you have no idea how hard it was to scrounge up the money to buy this thing.”

So, here is my theory when it comes to you and your ex.

The harder you make it for him to get you back the more he is going to appreciate you once he gets you back. After all, I doubt you are in this to get your ex back and break up again, right? No, you want a relationship that is going to last.

And the no contact rule can provide that difficulty for him to succeed in getting you back.

PART TWO: Social Media Game

(For more in-depth information on how to use social media to get your ex back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

And now we move on to our second part of the strategy, social media,

strategy social media

Now, if you are confused as to what this is let me give you a quick history of social media.

Since the internet started… (No just kidding. I wouldn’t bore you to death with that.)

Look, here’s the deal.

Social media is an excellent way to make your ex miss you.

How?

Well, above I established that close to 90% of exes “creep” on Facebook. In other words, the probability that your ex boyfriend is going to peek at your profile at some point post breakup is high.

So, why not prepare for that moment?

Why not pimp out your profile to be everything that he finds attractive in a woman.

How To Make Your Social Media Profile Perfect

I want to tell you a funny story that happened to my wife yesterday.

So, if you don’t know my wife she is in charge of our YouTube channel and our marketing experts. In other words, if we want to get featured anywhere popular she is in charge of making that happen.

Well, one day she decided that we should be featured on “Ted Talks” so she started trying to network with some of the people over at “Ted Talks” and she managed to locate one of the person’s Facebook profiles.

So, rather than asking me to reach out directly she decided that since this person was a man it would be better if she reached out since she knows she is a very beautiful woman.

There was just one problem.

This was her Facebook profile picture,

profile picture

Now, I don’t know about you but that’s not going to make any man fall over himself. Well, except maybe me (that’s my daughter.) My wife, of course, knew this so she decided to change the picture to something really sexy like this,

ellas grove

That’s my wife in a model shoot for some clothing company named Ella’s Grove.

Anyways, what do you think happened to her after she changed her profile picture on Facebook from our child to a sexy looking picture of her.

All the men went wild (myself included.)

She was getting comments like,

comment 1

comment 2

comment 3

Ok, first off… what the fu*k?

Looks like I have to beat some people up.

COME SEBASTIAN!

We have some work to do!

sebastion

No I am just kidding…

Please don’t take that seriously.

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 2.57.49 PMThe point of telling you this story was to show you how powerful a picture can be. You can potentially make your ex boyfriend one of those men and show him what he is missing out on by posting strategic pictures on your social media profiles.

So, here is what I am going to do.

I am going to teach you my two best methods for catching a mans attention via social media.

1. The Profile Picture Change
2. The “Fun” Picture

Lets start with the profile picture change.

The Profile Picture Change

This is what my wife did and indirectly got all that attention from men.

Now, I am going to pick on myself a bit here.

Before I met my wife I heavily relied on good looks to attract attention. In other words, any picture I posted to Facebook looked like this,

not a good picture

Now, even though this picture isn’t bad it isn’t earth shatteringly amazing which is what I should be going for.

And then I met my wife….

The woman who forced me to get professional pictures done.

Like this,

professional pictures

Do you see the difference.

This is the kind of picture that I want you to be posting to your social media profile as your profile picture. Here is my general rule of thumb, any picture that makes you look like you belong in a magazine is definitely the one you should have as your profile picture.

So, I guess what I am saying is that you should hire a professional photographer to take your picture. Now, for those of you who don’t want to step outside the comfort zone and hire a photographer I have one piece of advice to you.

Often times it’s the things that make us step outside our comfort zone that yield the best results.

The “Fun” Picture

I have a question for you.

What do you think your ex boyfriend expecting you to do after the breakup?

He’s expecting you to mope around and be depressed.

Don’t believe me?

I remember an early breakup of mine where this is exactly what I thought.

“God I hope she is suffering.”

Pretty mean, right?

But when I would spy on her Facebook profile and see that she wasn’t depressed it would drive me nuts. I want this exact thing to unfold for you when your ex boyfriend snoops around your profile.

So, how can you accomplish this?

Easy, post pictures of yourself out having fun.

Here is a great example. Look at the picture below,

These girls like they are having fun. This is the kind of picture you want to post.

Because here is what he is going to think when he sees it,

“Wait, why is she out having fun? Why isn’t she sitting at home eating ice cream like I thought?”

Once you get him thinking that this thought is right around the corner,

“I’m kind of jealous…”

And as I am going to establish later in this guide jealousy can lead to a man missing you.

PART THREE: The Frank Sinatra Effect

(For more in-depth information on The Frank Sinatra Effect check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

frank sinatra

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from a man by the name of Frank Sinatra.

“The best revenge in life is massive success.”

Now, what does that have to do with making an ex boyfriend miss you?

Good question.

In order for me to answer it I first need to tell you a story. To me, teaching people to get back with their exes is my passion and in order for me to give people advice I need to understand the trends.

What works and what doesn’t work.

So, that’s why I am always keeping an eye on your comments and questions to me. But the one thing that warms my heart more than anything are the success stories!

Not just because I helped people get back together but I can learn so much from them.

Anyways, one trend that I began to notice with a lot of my success stories was the fact that the women who ended up succeeding were actually completely moved on from the break up and living successful lives.

It’s sort of like it was at this point that their ex finally woke up and saw their worth.

Hell, I even did an entire podcast about this phenomenon here.

Anyways, I kept seeing this phenomenon pop up again and again so when I did an audit of my success stories last month I learned that a lot of women who had actually completely moved on from their exes were able to get him back.

It sounds counter intuitive, right?

But maybe not.

Lets turn our attention back to psychological reactance.

By moving on from an ex boyfriend completely you are indirectly saying to him,

“You cannot have me. You have lost the freedom to have me.”

Which of course as you know, will only make him want you more.

And that’s where the Frank Sinatra effect comes into play.

I want you to “move on” without moving on if that makes any sense. I want you to live an incredible life outside of your relationship with your ex.

Here are a few of my best tips for doing this.

Specific Things You Can Do To Make Him Miss You During The Frank Sinatra Effect

In this section we are going to look at a number of things that you can specifically do to make him miss you while in the midst of the Frank Sinatra Effect. I absolutely love this because these are things that are in your control.

When it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back you have to accept the fact that there are a certain amount of factors that are completely out of your control. However, when it comes to making him miss you there are a lot of things you can do that will improve your chances. Buckle up because this may get long.

Tactic 1- Get In Shape

There is nothing that can catch a mans eye like a woman who has taken care of her body. Now, I am not saying that you are fat or out of shape. I am saying that this tactic (getting in shape) will be beneficial to you in not only making your ex boyfriend miss you but it will be beneficial in helping you with future relationships (if you have them.) How effective is this tactic? Let me tell you a story. There was a girl who had a crush on me in college. Like a fool, I didn’t do anything about it because like a typical guy I wanted the girls that I couldn’t get. Anyways, this girl had a very pretty face but I am not afraid to say that she was a little… chubby and for me it took away from her looks.

Pretty shallow I know…

Well, about a year and a half later I happened to run into her. Actually, I walked right past her because I didn’t recognize her. She had lost about 35lbs and looked amazing. In my absence this mediocre looking girl had turned into a beautiful goddess. Anyways, I was walking with my buddy when she yelled my name and we started talking. After we were done talking we went our separate ways and I remember my buddy going,

“Dude she is sooo HOT why did you let that one slip through your fingers?”

I explained that she didn’t look like that back when I knew her but now that I saw this new and improved version I wanted her immediately.

So, I did everything I could to try to go on a date with her which was relatively easy because she liked me (or so I thought.)

Anyways, we set up a relatively simple date to go on at a restaurant. The plan was that we were going to meet there and we would probably go for a walk after that. There was just one problem.

She never showed up.

During the day of the date I had reached out to her to ask if we were still on (BIG MISTAKE) and got no response…. the hours inched closer to kickoff and I still hadn’t heard from her. I was starting to get worried so like an insecure guy I reached out to her again,

“Hey, are we on for tonight?”

No response..

It was starting to become clear that I was going to get stood up if I went to the restaurant but I figured I would give it one more try.

“Are you there?”

Again no response…

She didn’t want to go on a date with me.

Ironic, huh?

Karma I guess!

Tactic 2- Repeat After Me: I Do Not Care About Him

This tactic is more of a mindset that you need to have. During your no contact period (which is when you should probably be in the Frank Sinatra mindset) make sure you don’t focus on your ex too much.

Just focus on the most important thing, you.

If you were to ask me what I thought one of the biggest mistakes that I see women engaging in are I would definitely have to say that becoming to obsessed with their ex is at the top of the list.

In order to truly “move on, without moving on” you can’t be too worried about what your ex is doing. You need to be worrying about what you are doing.

I haven’t talked a lot about this yet because maybe I am trying to save something for my book. but maybe I think it’s too good to leave out.

If you really want to make the most of the Frank Sinatra effect I am going to teach you an amazing strategy. Well, perhaps strategy isn’t the right word to explain this. No, I would say this is more of a philosophy.

I like to call it…

“The Holy Trinity”

(Oh, and this is not biblical at all I promise.)

You can divide the most important aspects of your life into three categories,

HWR

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

I don’t have to explain what is comprised of the categories, do I?

Well, I will tell you what, I am just going to leave my book for that.

Basically if you want to utilize the Frank Sinatra effect to the fullest I recommend that you try to maximize these three areas of your life.

You will notice that in the graphic above there is an intersection of the three.

The intersection where all three meet.

Hmm…

Perhaps it’s better if I pointed to it for you,

HWR copy

What you are trying to do here is find a perfect balance between your health, wealth and relationships. By doing so you will jump up in attractiveness to your ex.

Trust me when I say that the “missing thing” will fall into place if you do this. It is important to remember that the two of you broke up and while you may want him back you need to understand that rome was not built in a day and you won’t get him back in a day. So, sit back and work on the holy trinity for a while.

Tactic 3- Social Life

You have two choices when it comes to breaking up with your ex. You can either

A. Let the breakup own you.

or

B. Own the breakup.

I am a guy and let me tell you that I do not find it attractive when someone, who after a breakup, sits on the couch all day and eats ice cream. In fact, that is what I expect pretty much every girl to do after a breakup. About five years ago when I broke up with my girlfriend at the time the exact thought I had was “I bet she is sitting on the couch right now crying and eating ice cream.”

Here is the kicker though, a few days later when I logged on Facebook I found that she wasn’t quite as devastated as I thought. She had posted pictures of her having fun with friends and basically having a really fun social life. While I didn’t immediately think “man, I miss her” it set me up for thinking it. Her active social life made me realize what I was missing out on and made me a little jealous and angry that she wasn’t as devastated.

PART FOUR: Jealousy Tactics

(For more in-depth information on how to use jealousy to get your ex boyfriend back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

jealousy

A lot of experts will tell you to not try to make your ex jealous. I will admit that I don’t necessarily agree with them on that. If you have a chance to bring up some deep inner feelings within him then I say go for it. Of course, if you are going to use jealousy on your ex boyfriend it has to be done a specific way.

It probably won’t go over too well if he checks on your Facebook profile and sees you making out with three different guys. No, using jealousy is an art. It has to be done subtly but at the same time be obvious enough for him to pick up on it. Here are a few examples of how to properly use jealousy.

Example 1- Movie With A Male Friend

In this example I am going to show you a specific text message that is meant to make your ex a little jealous. Notice how in the example below you didn’t specify if your movie date was with a male or a female. You basically leave it up to your ex to assume if you went to see a romantic movie with a guy or a girl.

romantic movie text

Example 2- Did I See You?

This one is a little riskier but you are almost guaranteed to make your ex a little jealous which will hopefully contribute to him missing you. In this text message you are basically saying that you mistook him for a “hot guy” at a bar (or any other place you can think of.) Again, this one is risky but the reward is definitely higher.

jealousy (did I see you at)

If you want to learn more about what you can text your ex boyfriend I recommend checking out “The Texting Bible.

Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Misses You

I actually wrote a guide on how to tell if your ex boyfriend is still in love with you already but I thought I would give a quick recap here. After all, it might be important to figure out the signs that your ex misses you so you can determine if what you are doing is working. Below I am just going to give you a bullet point list so you can quickly reference the signs.

  • If he texts you
  • If he calls you
  • If he shows up at places you frequent in a non stalker way (if it is stalker like then that is just creepy)
  • If he has positive reactions when you see him in person.
  • If he keeps in touch with your family.

If something on this page or website confuses you do not be afraid to comment in our comments section below. Remember, your comment, as long as it is legitimate, will be made live and I will respond to you personally.

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

5,624 responses to “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

  1. Heartbroken says:

    My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me just under 2 weeks ago. For a few days after I was begging him to take me back, saying we could work through it (basically the day before we had had a small argument about how He finds me clingy and I said I could change that, I was only clingy because he asked me to be months ago), and he said for the last month of the relationship he sometimes found me annoying and sometimes he loved me and sometimes he was unsure.

    My main concern is that he has confused his feelings for me with stress, as he is doing full weeks at university currently, and he is always tired. When we were together we would try to see each other every 2 weeks due to distance, but at this point we hadn’t seen each other in exactly 3 weeks.

    It has now been 11 days since our breakup, and has been 3 days since I last contacted him. I am still madly in love with him and am trying so hard at the no contact rule. Do you think he will want me back? I have noticed that he has unfollowed me on instagram but we are still friends on facebook and snapchat. Please help!

    • Heartbroken says:

      Sorry, another note is that the night before he ended things, when we had our argument, we talked on the phone for an our and resolved everything and said we were excited to see each other in 2 days and we will work things out. We said we still love each other and still want to be together. Then the night after he broke up with me (he broke up with me over text!!!) he said he no longer loves me. Is he lying about his feelings or was he really lying before he broke it off?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Heartbroken,

      If it has been 11 days..he probably meant the break up..Check this one:
      Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

    • Heartbroken says:

      I feel like clinginess isn’t really the right term, though. He would always text me in the morning when he woke up, he would message me throughout the day, I only wanted to talk on the phone a couple of nights a week (only when we hadn’t seen each other in a while). I tried showing him that his uni can come first, and he was friends with girls and I was fine with that, I was fine with him going out to parties. I just feel like he was stressed and I want advice on getting him back

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If it was just stress, doing nc, having your own life, not begging again and following the advice above still works

  2. Esther says:

    Hi!

    I have been my boyfriend for 1.5 years and recently he initiated a break up with me and I felt devastated over it. He just suddenly sat me down and told me he couldn’t continue on with the relationship as he feels that the communication barrier between us was too high. He was always happy while out together with me but at night, he will think about the flaws in our relationship and it made him feel unhappy and suffocated. He never mentioned about this matter before since he looked happy and didn’t complain about anything in the relationship. However, I did notice that he doesn’t plan dates, replies to my texts as fast as he did before and we didn’t have much topics to talk about for the past few months before the breakup. He’s the kind of person to hold his thoughts to himself until someone presses him for it.
    We barely contacted each other for 2 weeks (short message about non-relationship stuffs) following the breakup until one day, I asked him out to an amusement park with me. He kept close to me until he couldn’t take it and initiated physical contact. We were happy in the 2 days spent together before I left and thought all was fine. He reached out to get me back but was afraid of giving me false hopes as he’s still unsure of his feelings. However, within the next week that we talked, he came to a conclusion that he doesn’t love me anymore, am excited to talk to me or even thought of me in the day. He doesn’t feel happy enough after spending the day at the amusement park as the thoughts of unhappiness in the relationship came back to haunt him when I left. He doesn’t see a future with me in it and doesn’t want me back anymore. He will still keep a look out for me and care for me even if not romantically or just as a friend as I was a huge part of his life and didn’t want to pretend I never existed.
    It crushed me badly this time round too and I tried to not contact him at all. I will only send him snapchat(not personal snaps) and that’s about it. It has been 5 days since the second break up but so far, he replied to my snap for a bit (he talks the same way as before while we were together with our private lingo) and also challenged me to a phone game. What does it mean? Does he really just see me as a friend and not anymore beyond that or he’s just around to check if I am healing from the breakup? Please advise me 🙁

  3. Confused says:

    My boyfriend of 1.5 years officially said we should take a break off one another less than 24 hours ago. The period is indefinite. It could be a month, 3 months, 6 months or never. I have my own fair share of anxiety and abandonment issues, but this is NOT why I want him back. And he did say I’m improving.

    Honestly, I got pretty confused by his actions because his body language and the stuff he says tells me that he still loves me (even though his mouth says its the past tense). Either ways, I told him to touch his heart and ask himself if he really doesn’t love me because he seems pretty confused in my opinion.

    When he came to meet me to tell me that it’s not working for him, he still hugged and kissed me. And it just felt like any other normal date, physically and emotionally wise. Apart from the “time off” talk, nothing was quite different…?

    After the whole ordeal, we went for a meal together and he looked super sad the whole time. Before that he started crying at the slideshow that I’d have done for him, and before that he cried because I cried. I just asked him, “Erm… are you okay?” And to that he replied; “I’ll only be as okay as you are.” He said he’d miss me and think of me when he goes home.

    The next time we’ll meet is when we go for a party together. Honestly, I have no idea how to show him that he still has feelings for me? And he agreed to take time out for me at least once in every 2 weeks as well… At first it was like once a month, then he changed it to like once every 1-2 weeks

    But I do plan on getting him back because what we had was definitely not perfect but wonderful. And he’s a really wonderful person that I really, really love. And if we do work on our own individual issues and come together? I think we would have fitted better.

    But honestly, am I like reading too much into him? Or does he really still love me, just that he doesn’t know?

  4. Joni says:

    Hi Chris I have followed all your steps to the T!
    I have gone on 10 GREAT dates with my ex and last weekend we went to a concert and I met some of his friends. Things we’re finally looking up and we finally were clicking again!

    Long story short we both had too much to drink and the topic of an old ex of his came up… I absolutely lost it with him. I yelled at him on our walk to the car and most of his friends saw it all go down. I went absolutely insane on him. I am NOT PROUD of it. AT ALL.

    I apologized shortly after and told him that I made a decision in my mind to have a good night for the rest of the evening. We danced and laughed and even made fun of my complete meltdown the next morning.

    DID I COMPLETELY RUIN THINGS WITH HIM?
    I don’t know what do to. I joked that I owed him a thank you drink for putting up with me next week and he said sounds good. But I haven’t heard from him since (2 days) This is completely out of my character I am a very laid back chick and Im worried that his friends will think/tell him that I am crazy and not worth getting back with.

    Should I let him come to me? I am worried that his friends think Im absolutely crazy. We had made SO much progress.

  5. Angela says:

    Hey Chris,

    I am having trouble implementing the no contact rule. My ex moved out of our apartment and left a note saying he wanted to break up. He did come back later to talk about things but stated that he felt it was something he needed to do. Unfortunately we have shared assets and we had to talk the days following the break up. I finally couldn’t handle seeing him and told him I wasn’t trying to be difficult or unreasonable but I needed to be away from him and didn’t want to to see him or talk to him for awhile. That same day I got messages from him asking about how to pay a bill online ( we have a shared account for bills and we also have our own seperate ones), then telling me he paid the bills, then later asking asking to pick things up ( we had agreed earlier that he can call back in a week as I was going to be busy with work and was out of town) I finally cave and asked him to call when he had time so we could discuss a good day… He was very persistent on coming on a day when I specifically told him I didn’t want to see him for awhile. He finally back down after I told him I really needed this time for me .. he hasn’t bothered me for the last few days but he did text to say he would call me on his day off… Is it ok to talk to an ex regarding these things during no contact… We lived together so there were a lot of things we shared.

  6. Maria says:

    Hello! My name is Maria and i’ve dated my ex boyfriend for 10 months. We broke up about a month and a half ago. I failed the no contact rule after 10 days and then I started it again.
    He texted me after 2 weeks after i failed the NC and we talked for an hour. He asked me if i want my cat back and then he seemed kind of interested in what I have been doing (he asked about some major events in my life). Last week was his birthday and i wished him all the best and we talked to each other for 3 hours. I tried to shut the conversation twice but he wanted it to continue. He told me he applied to a new job and that he wanted to get his driver license (one of the reasons our relationship ended was the fact that I told him that he is wasting his time on meaningless activities and don’t want him to be a loser. I know, I screwed up).
    After 2 days I contacted him again because he posted something on his Facebook profile and it reminded me of something that we shared together. That day he told me that he didn’t eat anything that we used to eat together since “that moment” (he couldn’t/wouldn’t say “break up”).
    He didn’t delete our pictures on Facebook even though he deleted some pictures with other persons. He also responds positively whenever we talk. At the same time, he has always stated that he wouldn’t get back together with any ex girl friend.
    I really love him and I want him back but I think that he might be over me or he is trying to get over me. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to be pushy and needy but I’m afraid I’ll lose him. I know I failed the NC but I couldn’t stop talking to him. What should I do now? Repeat the NC? What if he is over me by time I will have finished the NC? Is he just polite when we are talking (I contacted him three times since the breakup and he contacted me once)? Is there any chance we will get back together? Please, help us.

  7. Jessica says:

    Hello, I’m in a very sick situation I ve got really tired and very sick really sick.. I met my ex since a 3 years ago and I felt that’s he is the one that he really complete me I loved him very fast and it was not a rebound we were ok and happy after a year he met a girl and after a while he was honest with me and he said that I love you and I want you in my life but we cannot get married because of our different environments it was really shocked so I left my home and I travel to a new country I found a job and I left everything my family friends and I decid to have my new life and I couldn’t It was harder I couldn’t stop talking to him we met many times he always come to my place traveling spend a week and leave and now he told me that everything is serious in his life with the girl that is suiting his family and environment I ve got shocked I went hospital billion times I got sick I cant eat i cant talk i cant do anything only work home home work so I spoke to him I said I ve tried a year to leave you and you didn’t accept and m really tired I need a very long break you have to accept this I knw maybe when you read you will say I am stupid or I donno but I’m still loving him I’m dying I know her and all details what to do I’m dying

  8. Katie says:

    My boyfriend and I were dating for 7 months, together every single day (even the days leading up to the breakup. I had no warning signs). Last weekend he took me on a day trip to Carmel, and he dog-sat with me all last week. We got into an argument after we went out with friends and the next day he told me that was the last straw and ended it with me. Point blank no room to budge- ended it. He said that I have become a less positive person than when he first met me and that I was not pulling my weight in the relationship. He did not like that we would bicker in front of his family and ultimately decided to end it because he did not believe that the relationship was benefitting him the way that it used to. It has only been a couple days, but he has since blocked me on all accounts- facebook, instagram, ect. with no explanation. We work at the same healthclub, different locations inside of the club, and go to the same gym (that is where we met). So it will be inevitable to see him. I purchased the No Contact Rule Book and did learn a lot.. But since I am blocked on all social media, I would assume that he blocked my phone number too. Will it still be effective since he blocked me ? I need some help here. Any advice is welcome. Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Katie,

      he probably just did that out of emotion. So, continue being active in posting.

  9. Regina says:

    My ex boyfriend and I did a break with no contact for 21 days from the end of June to July. I was set for his call that evening to talk about the break but instead he emailed me saying that although I was everything he thought he wanted, he had a gut feeling that we didn’t have a future. We agreed to meet to talk further but no more details emerged to help discover where this feeling came from. He didn’t want to try to make things work so we officially broke up. It’s been a couple weeks now but I have texted him a couple times to make arrangements to gather our things from one another. The last time we talked, I set myself up as confidently moving on but willing to talk with him if he contacted me first. He said he would if we could do the friends thing. I’m wondering if I should do another no contact period before doing the texting time period to gain him back? How long? Should I respond to him if he texts me?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Regina,

      Yup, do at least 30 days.. Nc means no initiating, no replying. Just focusing in improving yourself and being active in posting

  10. Sukhvir says:

    hi, so when my ex broke up with me, we were together 7 months was going perfectly, frequently told me how he saw a future with me after University, that he would never leave me etc, then a month later was like oh, i dont know if i want a relationship, i’m not getting the same feelings i did before (it was a very sudden change in attitude). said he wanted to be friends, i said i needed time before that could possibly happen.

    so about a week later he messaged me something really trivial about where i work and i kind of flipped because i was still devastated at the time and it just seemed so ignorant and insensitive since he went about the breakup in such a sh*tty way and i replied with a long rant about how i need time and how much he hurt me and its not okay to act like he wasnt a dick and stating i dont want him to contact me again and that if i want to hear from him i will reach out to him. then I came across the NC rule, and didnt contact him for just over 30 day but he didnt contact me either. then he text me saying “i know you dont want to hear from me but i have a chlamydia, i probably got it after you but im just letting you know incase you wanted to get tested” thing is he knows i got tested for sure when we were together and that i was clean but i replied anyway saying thanks but will get tested, so whoever hes got it from he mustve slept with them in the last month and a half after we broke up. then he carried on the conversation asking how i was, i said fine how r u, then when i replied to his last text about what we i was up to in the summer hes read it and ignored it, to be fair there wasn’t really a reply warranted, but now im confused i dont know where to go from here should i restart the no contact then reach out when its over, i will have to pick up my stuff from his place in a month and a weeks time since i am moving back to the city he lives in (i attend university and i am home for the summer) and kept stuff there at the end of the last academic year…i dont really know what the next step is since he ignored my text.

  11. Jodie says:

    I have a really difficult situation. My boyfriend broke up with me last week but his brother died 6 weeks ago and he is grieving. He told me this has forced him to take a long hard look at his life and make changes where he is not happy – and according to him our relationship did not make him happy. Yes we had rows maybe more than most but we had so much thrown at us in the 2 years we were together. We also have a 1 year old son together. He has now blocked me after I tried making him change his mind about us. He said he still loves me but is certain we are over. What do I do? I can’t apply the NC rule because of our child and also because I don’t think it would make him miss me because his mindset isn’t like that of a regular person who had just split up with their other half because because he is racked with grief and is not thinking of anything apart from what he’s going through. This is the hardest situation I have ever been in. Half of me wants to be there as help and support him and the other half of me just wants to walk away and move on.

  12. Ray says:

    Hi my boyfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me in the last week, a few days before, he asks to meet up out of the blue and tells me he doesn’t know if it’s going to work out (he is attending college but it’s only across town, not long distance) we talked and I was a mess and we decided to try to work it out. Well we were going to meet a few days later to talk it out some more without me being a mess, but he called on the phone and basically said he doesn’t think he will put the effort in. We had a great relationship before this and didn’t fight often so this was really random to me. He contacted me the night of and I sent one reply but he never read it or responded, i have put the NC in effect but I don’t know if it will work, I feel if he didn’t even want to attempt to make it work that there was a problem in the relationship. Probably caused by some insecurities on my part. This is very recent as it happened about a week ago and I have been in NC the entire time but his birthday is in a few days. I would really like to tell him “happy birthday!!” And nothing else even if he responds , as I’m prepared to restart the NC rule from there, I would like to know if I really should tell him that though or just not???

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Ray

      He already said he will not invest effort for a relationship with you . Contacting him on his birthday is like reiterating that you’re still there waiting for him and chasing him. If you really want the no contact rule to help you, stick to it and be active in improving yourself and in posting.

  13. Victoria Anne Kent says:

    Hi can you help. Only been broken up for a few weeks. He took himself out of a relationship on social media due to an argument. So I told him I was done with him I hated him and to never contact me again. Done the no contact rule so far but I have blocked him on social media so he won’t be able to see any thing now and if I do unblock him he’s gonna realise I’ve done it on purpose for him to see.

  14. S C says:

    My ex broke up with me about 5 weeks ago.. We were together for 4 years and the last year and a half it was long distance where we saw each other 4 times. Now I saw him post break up I went to him and saw him three times. He acted very differently when I was in the same country. I’m moving back to the same place like he is and he knows it. Now I’m trying to give him space. We still text I initiate more, I guess I need to stop. But when he replies he’s very distant and cold.part of me wants to go no contact but I’m not sure its a good thing in this when I left he held my hand and kissed itvand was being very sweet. Arm around me kinda thing. I’m not sure what to do anymore..

  15. Mel says:

    Hi, my ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. I did NC for 28 days, then I messaged him yesterday, trying to sound upbeat and positive, telling him I accepted the breakup, apologising for my initial post-breakup behaviour and said I hope we can remain good friends. It took him 8 hours to reply me, and he didn’t even bother to call me by his name. He just said hey and that he’s open to being friends and we should let the friendship grow naturally. What does this mean? And how should I progress further from then? I ended the first conversation already by telling him it was nice talking to him. 🙁 thanks a lot

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      It means he’s just friendly.. How much did you improve yourself and how active were you in posting during and after nc?

  16. Rana says:

    Hey Chris and team,
    My name is rana we broke up about a month and a half ago because he thought my feelings were stronger we were together for almost 2 years.. Its really hard and i want him back and it isnt for a short while ago that i found you website, attended the webinar and bought the book read it all.. Started imolementing no contact rule since he wanted to stay friends.. My only concern is that he traveled a week with friend to ayia napa and what if he forgot about me during that time and moved on? What makes it so sure that he will miss me? How can i really get him back? Plz help me out i need it.
    Thank you ❤

  17. Nadia D Teague says:

    For the last two years my boyfriend has been chasing a Woman dating other women lying about where he’s at,all the time he’s taking other women out and and did nothing with me.The last six months escalated we argued nonstop because I couldn’t take it anymore.He moved out signed a six month lease he said its been a month and wherever the girl is he is he’s taking her out spending tons of money, one minute he makes love to me says he loves me the next he’s back in the club with her drinking having sex this is after seven years and two children he talks to me badly talks about me to anyone who will listen but the thing is I was a good girlfriend yes I became hard to live with but I mean when u love someone e and things like that go on it makes u crazy.He does not contact me except for the children and even there he is lazy but when he sees me all dressed up to go out he starts getting mean and saying nasty things asking my children what’s going on
    What do I do

  18. Jen says:

    Hi, so my boyfriend of 8 months and I broke up a few days ago. It was pretty bad. At first he was saying he wanted space, but that he’s still in love with me & cares so much about me, but he feels that we need space so I can grow. I’ve been out of the country for the past 6 weeks though, so I was thinking we already have so much space between us …Then the next day I texted him saying how I’m in love with him and we just ended up getting into a full blown argument. He was saying how I’m the reason why our relationship isn’t working, that he just dislikes how I don’t own up to my wrong doings, but I don’t think that’s true about me, and how’s he’s tired of the arguing & he was also saying how he just wasn’t happy and just a lot more. So since I was so upset and tired of the arguing as well I just told him to go find someone that does make him happy. But I definitely didn’t mean that; I want to be that someone that makes him happy. After that I called him once and he didn’t pick up so it’s been 3 days that we haven’t spoken. I’m trying the NC rule ..but Is there a chance I could get him back? What should I do to make our situation better?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi jen,
      Be active in improving yourself and be active in posting.. When are you going back from abroad?

  19. Aimee says:

    Hi there, me and partner went on a break he called it and I moved to my mums. After 4 weeks he decided he wanted me back. We came up with things we wanted each other to work on. I wanted him to work on his communication and to be more motivated around the house and to take pride, as he’s quite slobby. Meanwhile I was working on the things he wanted me to work on, but I felt he wasn’t, I would go around and the house was a mess. He would message me like I done the dishes, like he was after browny points. I decided I would give him a bit of a wake up call by telling him I can’t do this anymore, I can’t live the way he is and he’s made no effort. We have been together 2.5 years and just recently bought a house together. He was mad and said fine we are done, Afew times I got angry messages saying you have screwed me with the house etc as it will have to be sold and he used his kiwi saver and house is in his name and not mine, so I’m able to use my kiwi saver to buy my next house. Then one night after I completed my degree I went out with my friends, I asked a friend to pick me up as he new where I was, meanwhile he didn’t end up picking me up an ex from 11 years ago who is a good friend came to pick me up, but instead he turned up at my house. My ex went out and stated I didn’t live there. I then received Afew messages from him that night asking who that was, he seemed like a real winner, it was the same guy you dropped you home the other night, which it wasn’t! After not replying he then said don’t bring your mate around here or I’ll get them trespassed. He then messaged me in the morning to congradulate me on completing my nursing degree, I thanked him and thanked him on all the support he had given me over the time. Meanwhile there hasn’t been much contact at all, the only contact was from me regarding picking up some more clothes and that I can put something to the mortgage now I’m back working. When I turned up to the house to get my clothes he had made half an effort on the house, he was at rugby when I went there. Now for two days I have heard nothing, and I do want him back but I want him to make an effort around the house, and to just take pride in our home and even his tools. I’m not expecting him to be super clean, as I’m happy to do the cleaning but to know he will pick up after himself especially when I’m not there. I also want him to if he says he’s going to do something then do it, not take weeks/months to do it. What are your thoughts?

  20. Mimi says:

    I left a 4year old relationship because she gave me too many troubles. She wasn’t helping me. She lived a life of a gambler. I do more of the providing and all. She wastes money on gambling and never ready to change her ways. So I met this other lady who was ready to take care of me and help me work harder to achieve my dreams too. She was also in a relationship but they later broke up. We became couples and 3month into our relationship she wants to breakup with me. Now she has left me and am all alone. I love her and now am also regretting why I left my 4year relationship. Now I need either of them back. I have cried so hard dis few days begging her but still regretting leaving my 4year relationship. After reading your article I decide to follow your no contact rule to see if I can get her back. But I also wanna be back with my girl of 4years. Now am heart broken and am just going through her Facebook page seeing her with another person makes me jealous. She moved on after I left her for the new person who just broke my heart and I feel so bad for that right now. Now am scared my girlfriend of four years would want me back again. Because she begged and begged and I ignored her. Please what do I do to get her back. And my date of 3months is now back with her ex. Am at the cross road now. Am in d dark. Who should I really be fighting to get back with. Please Chris I need your help.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Be independent and love yourself first before entering a relationship.. Learn to live with just yourself only this time..

  21. Jhon says:

    I tried no contact rule fore over 2 months but she does contact,should I response I probably thing she wants friendship only like before !!

  22. minh says:

    hello! i have just broken up with my bf for 2 weeks. this is all of my fauts, i hurt him, made him shocked, i know he still love me but he doesnt believe me anymore, he said that if we love together again, i still made mistakes again, he said that we are not suitable with each orther, but now i really know what i was wrong, i really want to be beside him again and show him that i am trying and i am changing, we still love each orther but he dont want anymore, he is also having busy time with his career.
    and one more difficult thing is that we are flatmate, how can i make no contact rule completely with him

    i believe 100% that only he realize and believe that im changing then we will love each orther deep and deeper

    please reply me, this is my very hard time !

  23. Caroline says:

    My boyfriend (now ex) broke up with me in the weirdest way. I am on college break but I have been seeing him every other week. I visited him memorial day weekend and we had an absolutely amazing long weekend together. My friends boyfriend was 2 weekends later in his city so we had been making arrangements to see each other at some point while I was there. The entire planning process he was acting excited to see me and sweet. 30 mins before we were supposed to meet he called me and asked if I wanted to meet at a bar near his place, but i didn’t want to. So he said I could just meet him at his place and we could decide once I got there if we wanted to go out. I arrived at his place and he acted super excited to see me, hugging and kissing me upon seeing me. For an entire hour we cuddled on the couch, laughing, joking, kissing, and catching up. He was acting completely normal, not acting distant or awkward. We were even talking about couple stuff (as if he wasn’t about to break up with me in 30 mins). Then all of a sudden he says he doesn’t think we should continue to see each other. It was so random and surprising that I thought he was joking for the first 2 mins. Why he would want to cuddle with me, act relationship-like, and enjoy my company for an entire HOUR if he was planning to break up with me? Why would he act like everything is fine? I am so confused and don’t know what to make of this. Help me understand why he would do this please!

  24. Claire says:

    Last 2015, me and my boyfriend broke up after 2 years of relationship. I tried the no contact rule and follow every advice of exboyfriendrecovery and we really got back together! It’s effective. After 6 months of no contact, we got back together when we saw each other. Now we are close to our 4th anniversary unfortunately he broke up with me again because I caught him texting with another girl. I can’t accept the fact that he left his long term girlfriend for a girl he just met. I’m starting my no contact rule again but do you think it’s still effective for the second time around?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      It depends, commonly, it’s less likely to work the second time around but it’s still better to try than chase

  25. Caila D C says:

    I could really use some advice… Is there a way to do that privately?

  26. Caila says:

    I would love to know what kind of advice you could give me… Is there a way to explain my situation privately?

  27. RM says:

    Please help me. I broke up with my ex a year ago. We dated for a year and we was so in love he is my best friend. He even stayed with me in long distance as I went away to study at university for a year. However the past few weeks were none stop arguments. I said mean things I didn’t mean. He kept putting his friends first and I never felt apart of his life. He reached a breaking point and dumped me. We have been speaking everyday it’s usually nice conversations till I bring up the break up and things go sour. He is determined to stay single says he wants to be on his own for a bit. Last night he told me he has been stressed and pissed off and didn’t want to carry on what we was doing. Despite telling me he missed me like crazy a few days ago. Last night he said he missed me but not as much as he should. What do I do? I removed his number and unfollowed him on all social media. I’m so hurt. How do I make him miss me? How do I make him remember the good times? He told me I relied on him to much to be happy which is true. How do I show him I’m changing and make him find me attractive again? I’m so heartbroken

  28. Holly says:

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. It hasn’t always been easy between us, and there was a lot of growing up to do (especially on my behalf). He broke up with me for understandable reasons, i have trust issues, insecure, was negative, disrespectful and lost my confidence to name a few. (not his fault)
    I approached him a week after the break up to apologize and get back together, but he told me to respect his space and leave him alone. This is really hard for me but I am trying the 30 day NC. How can I approach him once my time is up?
    I am really working hard on myself to deal with my crap. But I love him, and don’t want to loose him.

  29. Megan says:

    It’s been about a week since my boyfriend broke up with me. He broke up with me because he felt we were arguing too much and we both have outside stressors in our lives and that is arguing was adding to it. We both agreed that we allowed these stresses to be taken out on each other, we both love each other, but he said he just doesn’t want a future of constant arguing. The break up went civilly, I got my items from him and he told me he was surprised by how this has been handled. He mentioned the idea of trying again one day but he was rocky on the thought. I’m trying the no contact rule, with the exception of him reaching out to me to sign legal documents to remove my name from some items, is that my best route to take? Do my chances seem high of getting him back?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      its ok to talk about legal matters, just make it about that only.. if its just about arguing too much, then yes, there’s a chance

  30. Cece says:

    I was dating a guy for 2 months and I’m 26, Hes 35. I got out of a bad relationship before him and I’m learning how to trust men again. He was also in a bad relationship. I started to become needy quickly and things started going down hill at the end of month 2. Ive been knowing him for 7 years but never took a liking to him until now. So hes mad because he can tell i dont trust him. He ended it when I spazzed out about him liking girls photos on instagram. Now i feel stupid about it and want to know if there is any way to fix it and get him back. We both are motivated and stubborn. I started begging for another chance when he ended it which i know his bad. Is there any way to salvage this? We broke up 2 days ago.

  31. Sherry says:

    Hello, I just broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months. We have been involved for about the past two years but there was a period in that time that I was in a short-term relationship with someone else. Shortly after that situation ended my ex told me he “missed us”, I did too so we started dating. We broke up VERY briefly over some animosity from our previous involvement but got back together (long story short when we first started seeing each other after about 3 months he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship so we decided to keep in platonic). After we got back together everything started going well up until about two months before the split. Of course bickering was the catalyst that brought him to say that he wanted a break and somehow a break turned into a breakup. Originally he said that we just needed some time apart but after discussing it a day later he said that he didn’t think it was a good idea for us to be together but he still wants to be friends. I told him that I am willing to take a break if we can come back after some time and work on our relationship. His answer was “I just think we’re too different, its not fun anymore, I dont think its going to work.” It has only been about 6 days since the established break and 3 since the breakup. I know it is too soon to “try to get back together” right now. I am willing to do whatever I need to, to not just get him back but make myself a better person to be in a relationship. Do you think there is still a chance?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Yeah, I think there is.. if you’re going to do the no contact rule, do at least 21 days..

  32. Ashley says:

    My ex and I had a talk after the breakup, and we concluded it’s best not to communicate for a couple of months so we can both work on ourselves. There was no implication that we would then revisit the option of getting back together…just clear he needs time to work on himself. Since we agreed not to communicate “for a few months”…does the no contact rule still work? Like should I still try reaching out following the texting guide after 30 days even though we technically said “a few months”? I’m worried if I go more than 45 days it could be too late…but I also don’t want to ruin giving him the space he needs…which may be a few months and not just 30 days.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      why did you break up? he probably doesnt even expect you to not contact him for 30 days and to see you moving on, so that with at least 30 day nc..

  33. Lene says:

    Hello! Please help me, i just need some advice. My ex is my colleage and i think he has other girl now. Im using the nc rules but its hard for me because we always see each other in work. Im trying not to talk to him and to him in work. How will i know if he still like me? And what should i do everytime i see him?thank you very much for the help!

  34. Annelise says:

    Hi there,

    SO my partner of 7-8 years broke up with me. We have a child together and are high school sweethearts. Nevertheless it shattered me. We had been experiencing rocky roads for a little bit but I never thought he would leave me, me being in such denial. We’ve been split up for almost a month and I find it real difficult applying the nc rule esp. when we share a child together. He had said that he’d been feeling like this for a few years and I can only pin point it to the time when I kissed another guy because my partner at the time showed me no interest and worked all the time. Plus, I was real insecure about him wanting to leave or get revenge that I controlled what he did most of the time, I even tried to push for marriage (which now that i reflect was a bad idea to keep someone) and I felt like it pushed him further away. At that point, I was ready to leave him and move on but I figured I should own up to how I felt at the time, and try try again. And I learned to love what was right in front of me. Which was him. So when he finally admitted he’d stopped being happy with me, I was crushed. And he’d also said he’d been talking to someone else. Hurt me even more. She’s currently married with two children. Which he thinks is love although he’s aware she wont leave her marriage, even after the affair was exposed. SO what do I do? He still says he cares about me, he says he misses me. What do I do? I miss him and still love him like crazy? I would love to reignite the spark between us that we clearly lost a long time ago, I understand its not an over night thing but I would clearly try anything possible to get him back, and permanently if I can 🙁

  35. Nati says:

    So day one first contact was good. Ended it on high point after 2 texts. Day 2 was also good. Skipped day 3 and on day 4 his response are one to two words response time farther apart and on my 3rd text to him that same day he never replied back. Should I wait a couple days to start again.

  36. Apple says:

    My ex is my colleage, and im doing the nc rule but i still seeing him everyday so its hard to apply the nc rule im only not texting and chatting him. I dont talk to him in work and i dont even look to him im just trying to think that he is not existing. Can you give me some advice what will i do in this situation? Thanks alot!

  37. Jay says:

    Boyfriend broke up with me after I moved 7 hours away from my hometown for him to say he doesn’t love me in that way anymore and that he doesn’t see a future with me. I had no where to go and he knew that. I ended up not talking to him and haven’t spoken to him in over a week. He’s called, left messages via Facebook about things I posted online, and text me asking me to call him back but I haven’t responded to his text or read his fb messages. What does he want? He feel guilty? Do I keep ignoring him?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Jay,

      he might be feeling guilty or he misses you because he’s still used to talking to you.. it’s good that you started nc immediately and that you are sticking to it.. how long were you together? commonly we recommend 30 days of nc and being active in improving yourself and in posting during and after nc, while slowly rebuilding rapport with him.

  38. Kelsey says:

    My ex and I had been in a slump since graduating from college. We both moved back home with basic jobs but not careers. He is trying to get into a federal program which takes months to do and I am trying to get into nursing school. We got into this slump of me coming home after working from 7-1pm then going to his house for 4 hours before he left for his job at a restaurant. He told me around February about this girl at work who has epilepsy and had a terrible fiancé/ home life. I knew deep down he had developed feelings for her but did not say anything. What’s crazy is that at one point he wanted to me to hang out with her because apparently, we were ” the exact same”. Fast forward a couple of months and I confronted him on being distant and told him I felt as if he was giving his energy away somewhere else when he blurted out that he had feelings for the other girl and had been texting her behind my back. A day later he called me and asked for me to come to his house. He then told me he wanted to make it work. Then the next day he came over and broke up with me. We did NC for a couple days then had to attend a friends party together ( we had not told any of our friends) and I asked him if he was still talking to her. He told me that he met with her and told her that they could only talk about work. Then 2 days later I met with him for the last time where he said they started talking again. Mind you in the 6 years of loving this boy not once did I ever think he would go this far. No, he didn’t cheat on me physically and I trust that he is telling me the truth but he told me they had connected. He said even if she was not involved in our lives that we would be in this position anyway because of how our relationship was going. He is not good at communication and did not tell me at all during the last year that he had doubts about us. I was bad at handling my depression and put that burden on him. We both discussed our faults together and talked about it but he said he didn’t want to try anymore. We have officially started nC for 4 days and it is hard. It’s hard because I love and miss him so much and All I keep thinking about is how unfair he is being by finding his happiness with someone else. He is not letting his feelings settle. I want him back so bad but am scared that the longer NC the more involved he will be with the other girl. I want to fight for him so bad but he told me he didn’t love me the way he used to and that he doesn’t miss me the way I want him to. Do I even have a chance?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You would like you’re chasing him instead of fighting for him.. Focus more in improving yourself.. be active in posting.. make it look like you’ve accepted the situation and that you’re moving on..

  39. Mei says:

    He just broke up with me a day ago and told my brother he lIves me but isn’t happy with his current life. I bought the books and what not and I did beg during process of breaking up and got sparky and resentful. Is there still a chance to get together?

    • Mei says:

      Loves* we were together 9 months and lived together.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Mei,

      Yeah, the nc helps increase your chances.. have you read the books? are you going to do the no contact rule?

  40. Sonia says:

    I started seeing this guy last November, well he started talking to me thru Instagram, he sent me a friend request, I accepted it because he’s cute and also he used to go to the same middle school I went. I think it’s important to say I’m 21 and he’s 20, I know it’s too early and you deal with more important relationships everyday but it would really help me to know your opinion.

    So he asked me out and at first I wasn’t that interested, our way of we meeting up was to go running to a park near my place it was quite far from him, but so we did, that led us to a second date and third, until we hooked up after two months of going out. He knew I wanted a serious relationship, so on February he asked me to be his girlfriend.

    I know I fight for everything, well for the stupidest of things, not even a month after we started we got into a fight and he decided to call it quits thru text, I went all the way at night from my house to his place to fix it, we talked and we got back together. Even the day after he told me he was very sorry, he didn’t know what he was thinking and he loved me.

    After that I did improve and started to realize that it’s not worth it to fight for everything. He was the sweetest he got me flowers, he opened up about previous relationships and he even told me that I was the most caring girlfriend he ever had. He wanted to do a road trip and we even talked of going to Europe one day. He does crossfit and he really loves it and he even told me of not doing more crossfit so we could go together to the gym, cause I go to a different one. He would always be on top of me and touching my cheeks saying how obsessed he was with them. He would get sometimes jealous, so that showed me interest and I once told him I didn’t want him to see no one else and he told me that’s not new, that it’s a thing since we started dating. He would tell me you are my girl and I need to know. I was friends with his family and they like me. We were the entire weekend together and part of the week when we had both time. He would tell me how anxious he was to see me and how much he wanted Friday to come. I was really happy. The happiest I’ve been in a while considering I’m in the US with no relatives. So he was pretty much my everything, besides work and school that I plan to attend.

    So just two days ago, we got into a little discussion it wasn’t a big thing, I promise. I’m in my period if that helps. I told him what if this doesn’t work and he was like well he have to keep on with our lives, a very mature answer, but obviously not the one we want to hear. He told me also I was mature and he wasn’t and that he never wanted to have a girlfriend he just did it to keep me. I told him I don’t want to break up, and he was like please don’t make this more difficult.

    He asked me to remain friends I said no, cause I cannot see him and talk to him as friends, that that was gonna kill me. He left me in my place and I left a bracelet on his car on purpose, he didn’t notice.
    This morning I was going to work and he put it on my car’s handle (the thing you open the door with) he left it there, so he went to my place.
    Since the day of the breakup I haven’t talked to him I even erased my social media for a while to avoid seeing him. I know he posted on his Instagram story cause my friend told me that he was at the gym. Yesterday I posted on my story singing a catchy happy song that I like and I know he saw it. I also posted me going out and drinking.

    Bottom line: I don’t want to reach out to him, but I love him and he does make me happy, and I know I make him happy, he couldn’t be faking every minute. I’m stuck between the Fight for the things I want or everything happens for a reason. Please it would really help me figure out this whole mess. I’m a wreck and this two days have been a disaster.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      try at least 30 days no contact rule.. use it for yourself so you can reflect on what you want.. if you move on after it, move on. If you want to try, then initiate a conversation to slowly build rapport. If you don’t want to initiate, set a limit on until when you would wait.

  41. Angel says:

    Hi! My ex and I had only dated for 2 months. We belong in a close group of friends and we see each other often. Not meeting them causes a lot of drama in the group, while meeting them makes a huge air of awkwardness between my ex and I, and our interactions with the group. How would I do the NC rule, and show that I am becoming better, and make him jealous????

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      how active are you now? When you’re with them, just be casual and civil with him

  42. Sarah says:

    My ex went for a student exchange and it became a long distance relationship.
    We broke up as I was becoming needy and we had some fight few times a week.
    Somehow, he kind of like changed into someone that I’m not familiar with (eg. going to pub.)
    I understand when people have new exposure, they might change.

    After the break up, he is acting weird (to me) as he changes his profile pictures in Facebook more frequent and even post photos of his travel (his last profile photo last for 2-3 years and hardly photo anything on Facebook, but now change twice in less than 2 months)
    I tried the NC but failed (22days) when he texted and sent me photos on our so called anniversary.
    After that, he disappear again and text me again after a week asking how are you….
    We chat quite a time and I end the conversation.
    I see him having much fun and lots of travelling.
    He ask a lot about my recent life during the chat and when I ask does he miss the cushion that we used to hug… he just give me a smiley. (why he wont say a thing about it)
    I still loves him and want him back .
    Pls advise what should I do 🙂
    I’m now try to focusing on myself by going to gym and learn how to make up.
    Thank you.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      restart nc and do at least 30 days.. that’s good that you’re improving..Improve the health, wealth and relationships aspect of your life.

  43. Sarah says:

    My ex went for a student exchange and it became a long distance relationship.
    We broke up as I was becoming needy and we had some fight few times a week.
    Somehow, he kind of like changed into someone that I’m not familiar with (eg. going to pub.)
    I understand when people have new exposure, they might change.

    After the break up, he is acting weird (to me) as he changes his profile pictures in Facebook more frequent and even post photos of his travel (his last profile photo last for 2-3 years and hardly photo anything on Facebook, but now change twice in less than 2 months)
    I tried the NC but failed (22days) when he texted and sent me photos on our so called anniversary.
    After that, he disappear again and text me again after a week asking how are you….
    We chat quite a time and I end the conversation.
    I see him having much fun and lots of travelling.
    He ask a lot about my recent life during the chat and when I ask does he miss the cushion that we used to hug… he just give me a smiley. (why he wont say a thing about it)
    I still loves him and want him back .
    Pls advise what should I do 🙂
    I’m now try to focusing on myself by going to gym and learn how to control my temper.
    Thank you.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      restart nc and do at least 30 days.. that’s good that you’re improving..Improve the health, wealth and relationships aspect of your life.

    • Sarah says:

      Thanks Amor. 😀
      But I was seeking help in school work from him recently.
      Will it be late if I start the NC after that?
      And is he kinda like trying to flirt??
      He sends me a photo of dessert and tells me not as sweet as I am.
      I’m kind of confuse with his action.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      not really.. you can start nc after that.. yes, it does looks like he’s being flirty which is good but if you keep talking now, you might end up being friendzoned

    • Sarah says:

      Thanks Amor ^_^

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You’re welcome!

  44. Sa.94 says:

    Hey! Me and my ex-boyfriend of 7 months broke up a little over 2 weeks ago, and he texted me a few days ago saying that how im feeling? and make sure that everything is okay or not!
    I answered that Im okay but H have some issue at work.
    Before we were in a relationship, we were friends.
    I think he wants to be my friend again not my boyfriend.
    Now what should I do?

  45. Sally says:

    Hi I’m 21 years old. My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago after 3 years of that relationship, but the break up was not bad. His reason is that he was getting tired of the relationship/me = I was very bossy, control freak.. I know, pretty bad. But we did not fight much and we were maaaadly in love, we lived together and had anything in common and we were also best friends in the world. But I had those control issues… And he gave up because he is not good at showing his emotions so I did not see it coming.. I reeeeally want him back! Since the break up we have met, and when we met he couldn’t help it but hug me and kiss me and we even had sex, he still loves me and has feelings for me. He wants to meet me and he hasn’t got his stuff because he wants to have an excuse to meet me, but he wants to meet me as a friend. We had this talk after we had sex, he said “I want to give the relationship another try, because I believe you can change BUT I want to be alone for awhile, and I dont know how long I want to be alone, meanwhile I still want to meet you and be friends and i love you and miss you so much” …. Should I use the No contact rule while he wants to be alone or should I let him meet me as he wants? Friendly but aloof NC rule? And do I have a good chance of getting him back? I know I can change and I’ve already started to change myself into a better person. I really love him, we were talking about our marriage in the future the week before he broke up with me (and no thats not he reason he left me, he started that convo on our first date 3 years ago actually!) Please, I am clueless I don’t know what to do, its driving me nuts!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      do the no contact rule for at least 30 days.. don’t sleep with him again when you’re not committed if you don’t want to be friends with benefits..

  46. Sinikka says:

    Hey! Me and my ex-boyfriend of ten months broke up a little over a month ago, and he texted me a few days ago saying he missed me. I have been doing no contact, but not as strictly as I should have. We have met up and texted a bit about three weeks into nc, but that was only related to him getting his clothes back. He treated me with litte respect and pretended to “forget” when he was supposed to come and get his clothes, which ultimately led to me throwing them away when he never showed up. About a week after the break-up we both regretted our decision and wanted to have a fysical relationship, but it didn’t work out at all.

    Today it is Wednesday, and on Monday I gave him my letter as a symbol of endin NC and finalizing my process of healing. I have now accepted what can and what cnnot happen as a result of our mistakes. On the night of the day I gave him my letter I got a lot of texts where he said he misses me terribly and apalogized for his behaviour. Stupid and impatient as I was then I replied back immediatly that everythings okay now and that I missed him terribly too. He then went on to describing how he misses having sex with me and wanted to have a fysical realtionship. It was clear he was only horny so I told him to stop. He insisted he was horny, but that he meant what he said about missing me. He then requested once again to have a secret fysical relationship, which i declined right away. He texted back “okay” and the conversation ended there.

    I couldn’t sleep because of him and in the morning I was furious, so I texted him saying I will not meet him to have sex and that he can call someone else for that. I ended my text with me expecting an apaology and that if he missed me for me he could contact me. He answered me right away with an apology, stating that he does in fact miss me for me and that we could talk later. All this happened on Tuesday morning, and now it is Wednesday… I’m still hoping for å response and I know that I have to take it slow with him if we are going to try things again, but I will not be the first to contact and I don’t really know how to act… I know he has been talking to a girl from his hometown (he moved to the town we live in about 2 years ago), but I have made sure to not let him know that I know of that. I’m also not sure if he has changed at all since the break-up, but I know I have for the better.

    Please help, and thank you for all the help I have recieved from your website so far!

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