Every time I write one of these epic guides I always think to myself:
“How can I make this site better? What haven’t I covered yet?”
Essentially I try to take an outsiders view and look at Ex Boyfriend Recovery’s overall weaknesses. It is through these weaknesses that I can learn more about how to improve the site as a whole for you. After all, the main point of this site is to prepare you so that you have the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back. I have been thinking a lot lately and have noticed one area where this site really lacks is when it comes to phone calls.
More specifically, how to make an ex boyfriend answer the phone and what to do once you are talking to him.
Well, today that “weakness” is about to become a “strength!”
I would like to introduce you to my ultimate guide on calling an ex boyfriend!
Or perhaps more accurately, the guide on getting HIM to call you!
What This Guide Is About
(If you want more in-depth knowledge on how to get your ex to call you and potentially get him back please check out my E-Book.)
If you are an avid reader of this site then you know that I am not a huge fan of calling an ex boyfriend right off the bat. Because I hold this view it tends to complicate things. You see, a lot can go into “calling” an ex before a call is even made and this guide is going to explain that.
Of course, we live in an age where people want specifics. So, specifically here is what I am going to cover:
- Decisions being based on emotions.
- How those emotions tie into a phone call.
- How emotions can be lessened with time.
- Common reasons an ex boyfriend will not return your phone calls.
- What will make an ex boyfriend call you.
- The importance of swallowing your pride sometimes.
- Proper phone call form.
Pretty interesting stuff huh?
Before I get started I do want to say one thing. Above I put together seven broad topics that I am going to cover within this guide. I know at times I can get a little bit wordy but I really want to push the importance of you reading this entire guide and not skipping a section. This stuff is that important.
Think of it like a math problem. If you skip one tiny little step you are going to get the problem wrong. The same can be said about this guide.
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Decisions Being Based On Emotions
Before I really dive in to the phone call stuff there is something I need to explain to you.
The majority of decisions made in this world are done with emotions in mind. For example, every night before I go to sleep I watch TV shows or movies on my iPad. While I certainly do it for entertainment purposes I also do it because I know that if a show or movie is written well enough it is going to make me feel good. The decision that I made to watch a TV show on my iPad is done with the end goal in mind, making me have a positive feeling.
I want you to stop for a moment and really think about how many decisions you made based on emotions today.
Here, I will give you another personal example from my life.
I am currently taking a few classes at a local college near my home. Today I made the decision to drive to school in my car. While that may seem like a fairly emotionless decision lets take a look between the lines. I made the decision to get in my car and drive to school. I made the decision to go to school so I could get a good job. Through that job I will be able to earn money. If I earn enough money I will be :).
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSo, the seemingly innocent decision to get in my car and drive to school can be traced all the way back to an emotion that I want to feel.
Your Mind = BLOWN ;).
All kidding aside lets apply this newfound knowledge to relationships.
Good Feelings Vs. Bad Feelings
Humans generally have two main feelings when it comes to emotions.
Would you like to take a wild guess at what those feelings are?
Yup, you guessed it they are good feelings and bad feelings.
While I realize a first grader could figure this out I would still like to take a moment to define what is considered a good feeling vs a bad one.
Good Feeling- A type of feeling that fills you up with joy and happiness.
Hey, that’s what I consider to be a good feeling š don’t criticize.
The thing that I find most interesting about good feelings is the fact that we all tend to gravitate towards them. While I am sure this is an inappropriate example nothing can illustrate my point better than it.
Someone who is addicted to a drug is addicted to the good feeling or the “high” that they get. Once that drug user uses that drug and gets the good feeling they don’t just stop there. The keep wanting more and more of it so they can feel that feeling again.
The whole point I am trying to make here is that no matter what we will always be drawn to things that make us feel good. This is especially true when it comes to relationships but before I go into that lets talk a little about bad feelings.
Bad Feeling- Something that fills you with heartache, hardship, disappointment, anger, etc,etc
Above I talked about how both men and women tend to gravitate to things that make them feel good. The opposite is true with bad feelings. Men and women tend to run away from things that make them feel bad. A perfect example to illustrate this point is an embarrassing example from my own life.
When I was in high school I was afraid to go into the weight room. I wasn’t exactly a “fit” guy back then since I was basically stick thin. Anyways, I had a bad experience while I was there when some of the fitter football players made fun of my appearance.
Anyways, the feeling I felt after the verbal lashing from those football players shaped my perception of the weight room in high school. Instead of doing what I should have done, facing my fears and making my weakness a strength, I was consumed by this bad feeling I got every time the words “weight room” were muttered. As a result, I ran away from that feeling by never going to the weight room again.
Do you kind of understand what I am getting at here?
Yes? No? Maybe?
Whatever I am moving on ;).
I would like to talk about how these concepts apply to your ex (or more specifically calling your ex boyfriend.)
How These Emotions Tie Into Calling An Ex Boyfriend
Picking up a phone and calling someone is a big deal now-a-days.
It wasn’t always that big of a deal once upon a time. I am just old enough to remember the dark ages of dating where you still had to “call” someone.
You see, I grew up on calling. If you wanted to go out on a date you had to call a girl up and ask her. In fact, I didn’t send my first text message until I was 18 years old. Funny story, I was actually so shocked the first time I received a text message from a girl that I thought it was a mistake (the technology was foreign to me.)
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizAnyways, it takes a lot now-a-days to get someone to pick up the phone and call you.
When you are dealing with an ex boyfriend the task can seem impossible but I assure you that it’s not. Of course, you do have some headwind holding you back a little bit.
Remember above when I was talking about all that “good feeling, bad feeling” stuff? Well, with an ex boyfriend it is all about having the “good” outweigh the “bad.”
Think of it like a massive pros vs cons list:
As long as you can find a way to shape his perception and have more pros than cons then you have a really good shot at talking to him on the phone. Of course, the problem a lot of women face when dealing with an ex boyfriend is the fact that they won’t return their calls because of the “bad feeling” or cons they are having about the relationship.
Now, I am sure that the biggest question on your mind is HOW? How can you put more pros on the list than cons?
That all depends on your ability to understand that calling an ex right off the bat is NOT a good idea. Yes, I am actually recommending that you DON’T call an ex right after a breakup.
Here’s why.
With Time Emotions Will Stabilize
(I am sorry, I couldn’t help but put the joker meme here!)
I am a big believer in logical thinking.
In fact, when I first started this site I used to believe that as long as you could think logically and push the right buttons you could make an ex boyfriend call you and eventually get him back.
It was only through interacting with you and seeing different situations that I realized that I was wrong.
Emotions matter!
Perhaps I should rephrase that:
“controlled” emotions matter.
You see, you need to find a perfect balance between logical thinking and emotional output if you want an ex boyfriend to call you or to pick up the phone when you call.
Most women make the mistake of calling their exes immediately after a breakup. The reason this is a major mistake is that right after a breakup there is no logical thinking. Instead, your emotions are running the show and that isn’t always a good thing.
This is why I am so adamant about the no contact rule.
Not only does it have advantages for making an ex miss you but it allows you enough time to get in the logical mindset that you need to get an ex boyfriend to call you.
Throughout this site I have talked a lot about the no contact rule. However, there is one aspect of NC that I really haven’t ever gone into, the stabilization effect.
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(Too much nerd? Ok, ill stop!)
A few sections ago I talked about a major concept that ties directly into making an ex boyfriend call you.
Remember that pro’s vs con’s list?
Well, one of the main questions you were probably wondering was how you can get rid of some of the cons. Admittedly, after a breakup your cons are going to be a lot higher than your pros on your exes list. However, the main reason for that is the fact that emotions are heightened after something emotional happens (like a breakup.) Of course, with time that emotional headwind you are facing from him is going to lessen.
I like to call this the stabilization effect.
One important aspect of creating a period of “stabilization” is that you can’t keep contacting your ex. Doing that is essentially the same thing as poking a bear, eventually the bear is going to explode but if you wait until the bear calms down he is going to be much more receptive of you.
Here is the deal though, if you can create a period of stabilization through no contact and are able to successfully “calm” your exes bad feelings towards you then you are going to be in a good position to get him to call you (or to get him to return your calls.)
I did a lot of general research for this guide and I have to say that I was not impressed with the “so called” advice that my peers were giving when it came to getting an ex boyfriend to call you. Look, I am going to make this really simple for you, the key to getting any guy to call you is to give him a reason worth calling.
Or better yet, become someone worth calling (again.)
Now, before I talk to you about what you need to do specifically to get him to call I would like to take a look at the reasons why he WON’T call you.
The Reasons Why Your Ex Boyfriend WON’T Call You (Or Return Your Calls)
(If you want more information on calling your ex boyfriend or information on how to get him back please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO Guide.)
I had an interesting conversation with someone a few days ago. This particular woman really wanted to get her ex boyfriend back but there was just one problem, she made every mistake in the book. Of course, it wasn’t until she stumbled across Ex Boyfriend Recovery that she realized that her behavior was not ideal.
Anyways, after talking with me she was feeling pretty down about her chances and then she said something that I found fascinating.
“At least I can learn from my mistakes.”
There is this perception that I am some sort of relationship “expert.” I am going to tell you all right here and right now that I am not. In fact, I have made so many mistakes in my own personal relationships that I sometimes wonder why my (now) ex significant others stayed with me as long as they did.
Of course, I will say one thing about myself. I do have a unique quality when it comes to relationships.
I want to learn from my mistakes.
The way I view it is that as long as I can learn from my mistakes I can become a perfect boyfriend/husband to any girl I am with and to me that is like winning the game of life.
So often people are frightened to death of making a mistake.
The truth is, that you never learn from a success. You only can learn when you make a mistake. So, as you read the list of mistakes I am going to compile below I don’t want you to freak out if you have made one or all of them. Just say to yourself:
“I am going to learn from them and become a better person.”
Mistake #1- You Became A Call/Text Gnat
I remember when I was first trying to think of a word to describe how annoying it is to get text after text from someone you don’t want to hear from. I ended up settling on a text/call gnat because no matter how many times you keep swatting at a gnat it never goes away.
Seriously, I remember when I was a teenager walking with a group on a mountain trail and gnats started buzzing around everyone’s heads. Gosh that was so annoying because no matter how many times you swatted at the gnats they just kept coming back for more.
Text/Call Gnat- Someone who repeatedly calls or texts you (of course, you don’t respond to any of their calls or texts.) Unfortunately, they never get the hint and keep calling or texting.
We have already established that an ex boyfriend is likely to run away from things that will give him bad feelings. Unfortunately, the more you call or text when he doesn’t want you to the more likely it is that you are going to reinforce his decision of why you give him bad feelings.
Think of it like this.
What if during your relationship with your ex you were constantly calling him. Now, he is your boyfriend so he pretty much has to pick up every time you call (if he was a good boyfriend at least ;).) Every time he would pick up the phone you would nag him about something. That feeling of nagging can sometimes burden a man and unfortunately that burdening can lead to pain.
So, when you look at this cycle what do you see?
In this (made up) scenario your ex boyfriend now views you calling him as a con on the pros vs cons list? Why? Well, because it seems that every time you call him you leave him with a bad feeling.
So, how does this all apply to call gnats and text gnats?
Every time you become “the gnat” you are reinforcing those bad feelings or better yet, reminding him of them.
DON’T DO IT!
Mistake #2- Trying To Force Your Ex Boyfriend To Return Your Calls
Lets switch gears here and focus on those women who are trying to call their ex boyfriends.
First off, there is a specific way that you have to call your ex boyfriend to ensure maximum success. I will go over that later. For now, I want to point out something incredibly annoying that women can sometimes do when they get desperate for an ex boyfriend to pick up their calls.
It’s funny, out of all these mistakes this is the one I think I feel I have the most insight into because in a way I live it every single day. Every day I get women contacting me trying to force me to answer them and help them with their problem. While I respond to every single person in the comments section of this site I no longer respond to emails (unless they have to do with the E-Book.) If I responded to every single person through email I would literally get nothing done. Anyways, I can kind of understand where your ex is coming from on this one.
Your ex boyfriend may find it very annoying if you were to force him to do something that he doesn’t want to do.
Often times you will see a desperate woman try the old:
“PLEASE CALL ME! It’s an emergency!!”
or the
“Call me or I am going to de-friend you on Facebook.”
Now, I bet you are wondering why I chose these examples. The truth is that I chose them specifically because they illustrate a few good points. Lets take a look at each “plea” individually.
“PLEASE CALL ME! It’s an emergency!!”
What is the first thing you notice about this statement?
Right off the bat I will tell you that I sense the person who is saying it is extremely desperate. Desperation is NOT ever attractive. However, for some reason there are a select group of women that tend to think it is.
Sticking with our “good feelings vs bad feelings” concept I would say that desperation is a per-cursor to a “bad feeling” which is why desperation is not considered attractive. You see, desperation itself usually means that the person who is desperate is not stable emotionally and people who aren’t stable emotionally tend to have some serious “bad feeling” vibes.
Also, I want you to take a look at the second part of the statement. You know, the “It’s an emergency!” part.
Any time anyone ever texts this to me I start freaking out and wracking my brain with everything that could have possibly gone wrong to cause the emergency. Interestingly, I have a different reaction when an ex girlfriend says this to me. I would most likely roll my eyes and think to myself
“oh god, what now?”
“Call me or I am going to de-friend you on Facebook.”
If someone were to ever say this to me I would flat out de-friend them on Facebook. I don’t want a friendship with someone who threatens to de-friend me when they don’t get their way. What’s that famous line that TV shows and movies always seem mutter?
We don’t negotiate with terrorists?
Well, when it comes to relationships men don’t negotiate with women who give them ultimatums. I mean, that is essentially what that statement is, an ultimatum.
Can you imagine if I took your phone from you and said:
“If you don’t do exactly what I want I want you to I am going to break your phone.”
Something tells me that you wouldn’t be too happy with me.
Funnily enough, you would probably do what I wanted so you could get your phone back but you would always hold the fact that I gave you an ultimatum against me. That is essentially what an ex boyfriend would feel if the above statement was said to him.
Don’t give your ex an ultimatum just so he will call you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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How To Make An Ex Boyfriend Call You
(Again, I have to recommend my E-Book if you want more in-depth information on the whole “ex recovery” process.)
Now we are getting to the good stuff!
This is the part where I am going to give you in-depth instructions on how you can make an ex boyfriend potentially call you or pick up your calls. Before I get started I do just want to say that everything from this section on is going to be very important so make sure that you are paying attention.
I am assuming that getting an ex boyfriend to call you is just one little aspect of your overall goal which is probably to get him back. Thus, this section is written with that deeper goal in mind.
Enough talking, lets get started!
The Overall Gameplan
What do we know so far?
Well, we know that good feelings will always trump bad feelings, an ex boyfriend has a pro’s vs con’s list and the no contact rule is extremely good for putting you in a logical mindset.
All of these concepts are going to tie into a deeper gameplan with one goal in mind, to make your ex want you so bad that he calls you.
The first part of this gameplan starts with the no contact rule.
The No Contact Rule
If you haven’t done one already then I suggest you do it.
If you don’t know what the no contact rule is then you can read about it here.)
Why does this matter if you want an ex boyfriend to call you? Well for a couple of big reasons.
For one, it is really important for you to obtain that logical mindset that I keep talking about. Also, the act of entering into a no contact period alone can sometimes cause an ex boyfriend to call you. However, I don’t want you to get too settled on the fact that he “may” call you during NC. Doing that will not help you achieve a logical mindset. Instead, you will just be reinforcing the emotional mindset that you probably already have.
The time for emotions will come AFTER the no contact period. Lets talk a little about that now since it is where most of the “get your ex to call” strategy comes into play.
Post No Contact
After you successfully complete the no contact period you can start working to get the “con’s” off your exes list by conditioning his mind to view you with “good feelings.” Now, the question you are probably wondering is how?
How in the world are you supposed to do that?
I am not going to lie to you, it’s not going to be an easy task.
What you have to do is combine a logical and emotional mindset together.
You see, you want your “logical” mindset to keep you grounded and ahead of your ex when it comes to talking to him. However, at the same time you want an emotional mindset to bring out the good feelings that he associates with you. It is through your exes emotions that you will get him to call you or pick up your phone calls.
Please realize that I gave you a very broad overview of the actual “gameplan.”
What I would like to do now is go into the specifics of the gameplan so you have a really good idea of what to do to make your ex boyfriend call you.
How To Get Him To Call Or To Pick Up Your Calls
(Yup, I decided to bug you again about this silly E-Book!)
I wouldn’t be shocked if your ex boyfriend associates you with bad feelings.
This is where your real work begins.
You see, you need to find a way in which you can turn his bad feelings into good feelings. Personally, I have found the best way to do this is through text messages. More specifically, consistently hooking him into conversations that reinforce your good feeling vibes.
The Emotional Connection
You know what I love about texting?
I love it when you meet someone new and you are literally on the edge of your seat anticipating their next text. In fact, there have been times where I anticipate a text message so much that I get angry when I don’t receive a message as fast as I want it to come.
There is something magical that happens when you actually build an emotional connection with the person you are texting. It’s almost like everyone starts out with a very logical brain but the more and more you build an emotional connection with someone your brain becomes more and more emotional and the most ironic part of it all is that we love it when it happens.
Love makes us do wacky things.
Don’t believe me?
If you ever get to know me really well then you would know that I am the type of person that needs to get my beauty sleep. In other words, I really loving sleeping in. When I was 18 years old my girlfriend at the time caused a change in my sleeping pattern.
You see, at that time I was a senior in high school and I really wanted to see my girlfriend more than once a weekend. So, we worked out a way to see eachother almost every day. I would wake up at 5:30 in the morning and drive to school early. Around 6:00 we would meet and have 2 uninterrupted hours to just talk (and do other things ;).)
6 years later I look back and think how in the heck did I wake up that early?
Seriously, if you were to walk into my room tomorrow at 5:30 in the morning and poured cold water on me I would still be sleeping. The main difference is that currently I don’t have an emotional connection with anyone but I imagine if I did I would get up at 5:30 in the morning to see that person all over again.
Can you imagine developing that type of connection with your ex boyfriend?
THAT is how you make him call you and you are going to do it through the least threatening way possible, through texting.
Text Messages That You Absolutely Need To Use
(For more information on text message (and more text messages) I implore you š to check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
It’s weird right?
A guide that is supposed to be about phone calls and we are going to spend a huge chunk talking about texting. Well, here is the way I look at things.
When you get on the phone with you ex (and I say when because I have complete confidence that YOU are going to make this happen.) I don’t want the phone call to end in an argument, be awkward or cause bad feelings. Instead, I want the phone call to be like old times, to help rebuild the emotional connection that you both used to cherish.
Well, the way to accomplish that is to use text messages to prime your call.
In other words, you are going to get your ex used to associating you with good feelings before you talk on the phone so that when you do things will go extremely well.
Below I have compiled a lot of text messages that you should use to get your ex to associate you to good feelings.
IMPORTANT (Guidelines For Texting)
All of the text messages you see below should NOT be used in one conversation.
If there is one thing I have learned about the women visiting my site throughout this past year it is that they want results fast. This is the type of thing that you can’t rush. Rebuilding an emotional connection can take time. So, here is how I want you to approach things:
Step 1: Use The First Texting Example
Step 2: Study Your Exes Response To That Text
Step 3: If The Response Is Positive You Can Use The Next Text
Unfortunately, there are a few important points I still need to cover.
If your ex does respond positively to the first texting example that will give you the ability to use another texting example on this page. If this is the situation you find yourself in DO NOT use the texting example in the same conversation you used the first example. Instead, you can use it in the next conversation you have.
Now, if your ex does NOT respond positively to the first texting example then you need to take a step back and realize that he isn’t ready to build an emotional connection yet. That is completely ok it just means that you need to go back into no contact period for a while and give him more time.
It is also important to note that you have to be careful when you use the text messages. It is easy to get carried away and fall back into an emotional mindset. While there are times that are good for that you do need to keep your wits about you. Your goal with every interaction you have with your ex boyfriend is to leave him wanting more.
That means YOU have to have the willpower to cut the conversation off right when it is starting to get good.
I hate to say this but it is a game and you have to be smart about how you play it.
Lets take a look at our text messages.
The Celebrity Comparison Text
Who doesn’t love a good compliment?
Any time any girl compares me to a good looking celebrity it makes me feel pretty good. However, it also makes me sit up and take a look at the girl doing the comparison. The reason I like this text message so much is that it gets your ex used to comparing you to a good feeling.
How?
Well, if you compare him to a good looking celebrity it is going to make him feel good.
That will make him associate that good feeling with you since YOU were the one that gave it to him.
However, there is a bit of a problem with this text message. You see, generally you don’t want to inflate his ego this early. So, I am going to recommend that you use this text message as a way to open the conversation. It seems less awkward this way. Check it out below:
Another important thing that I would like to mention is that you shouldn’t continue the conversation too much longer after you send this initial text.
Why?
Because your ex is likely going to fish for more compliments and you want to leave him wanting more. Lets move on to our next text message.
The Video Text Message
I am betting that you read the words “video” and automatically assumed I meant go on YouTube and find some sweet video to text to your ex.
No.
There is a time for that in a conversation but this is not it.
Instead, I was thinking that you should do something a little more…. personal.
One of my favorite things to do when I text is to send out videos to my friends. I love doing it to see how they react to it. However, would you like to know what I love even more than sending out videos?
Yup, you guessed it, receiving them!
I love receiving messages from a girl that I am interested in and I am going to guess that your ex is the same way. So, I want you to send him a video of yourself. Don’t do anything goofy. Remember, you are trying to establish a connection with him not creep him out.
Below I have compiled a list of the very best video messages I have received throughout my life:
- One of the sweetest messages I ever received was literally a second long. The girl simply blew a kiss to me :).
- Another great message I received was a girl walking down a hotel hall just talking about what she did all day.
- One of the best video messages I received was a girl masterfully flirting by commenting on something I said.
- I had another girl play the guitar for me over video. Now THAT was well done!
The “Remember When” Message
Do you remember when you read that get your ex boyfriend to call you guide on your phone or computer?
Oh wait, THAT’S RIGHT NOW!
This text message is all about making your ex boyfriend remember a good time the two of you had together. Remember, we want to reinforce that you = good feeling.
The key to this text message is to choose a good time that the two of you had together. However, if you know of a time where your ex was the only one that had a good time you can use that as well (just pretend like you had a good time too.)
(Side Note: Do not use the time you had sex for this. That’s a little too much too soon.)
I have found that the more details you give the better the feeling your ex will get. Also, don’t be afraid to try to get him involved when you are recounting the memory. For example, you can pretend like you forgot something about the memory and are asking him to recount it for you. Doing this will give him a mental visual of the memory and hopefully bring up those good feelings from within.
Here is how I would do it if I was in your shoes:
Ā 
The “How I Feel” Message
This is your first true test. You are about to take a chance.
I want this text message to be all about how you feel. Yes, for the first time during this entire process you are going to talk about your feelings!
Time to get emotional, OH YA!
Ok, ok, I will stop being goofy and get straight down to business.
The key to making this text message work is to not get too emtional. Don’t get me wrong. I do want you to tap into your emotions but I want you to be really conservative on how you display them.
The point of this text message is really to study how your ex reacts to it. Essentially, you are going to say something semi sweet, as I will demonstrate in the graphic below, but what you are really looking for here is to see if he says something sweet or semi sweet back.
If he does then you are in business.
I recommend going with a text message like this:
Lets move on and talk about the two types of phone calls you really want to receive or make!
The Two Types Of Phone Calls
I would like to now turn our attention to the real reason this guide was created, phone calls.
In my experience, there are two types of phone calls that we are going to be shooting for.
- Out Of The Blue Phone Calls
- Leading Phone Calls
The thing that I want you to remember is that these two calls are NOT created equally. Getting one of them is much more valuable than getting the other one. However, for the purposes of this guide I am going to cover each of them.
But really at the end of the day the main goal here is to get on the phone with your ex boyfriend so you can work on getting him back. So, just getting either one of these phone calls can be deemed a success!
Anyways, I would like to start with the “out of the blue” phone calls!
Out Of The Blue Phone Calls
Have you ever gotten a phone call out of the blue?
More specifically, have you ever gotten a phone call out of the blue from a guy you had feelings for? It’s pretty great isn’t it?
That is essentially what an out of the blue call is.
Out Of The Blue Phone Call- When an ex boyfriend calls you up out of the blue based on the “good feeling” vibes that he has towards you.
This creates a pretty interesting question.
What if an ex boyfriend calls you during the no contact period? Would it still count as an “out of the blue” call?
Well, that’s a complicated question because if he calls you during the no contact period from a place of anger I wouldn’t consider it a true out of the blue call.
Take a look at the texting section above. It is through those text messages that you can tap into your ex boyfriends emotions and cause him to replace his bad feelings towards you with good ones. If you are able to do that successfully and cause him to want to call you then you are probably well on your way to receiving a phone call from him that is “out of the blue.”
In my opinion, this is the most powerful type of phone call there is.
Why?
For one, he had to physically pick up his phone and call you. But you also have to take into account the fact that most guys don’t call girls unless they like them in some shape or form.
Lets take a look at the second type of phone call, the leading phone call.
Leading Phone Call
Essentially, this is the exact opposite as a phone call from out of the blue.
Of course, if this type of phone call is done correctly it can be a very powerful way to get your ex boyfriend on the phone. It’s important for you to realize that with this type of phone call we are flipping the script. Instead of looking for a way to make HIM call you, you are going to take the reins and call him!
Leading Phone Call- A type of phone call where you lead him or warn him that you are going to call. However, the key to making it work is making the “warning” very intriguing. So intriguing that he has no choice but to accept a phone call from you.
The leading phone call is a term I coined because you kind of have to “lead” your ex into the call. The only way it works is if you have turned his bad feelings into good feelings. Now, I am not saying that you have to be perfect. All I am saying is that you have to do a good job with the text messages in the section above for this to work.
So, how does it work?
Well, I want to tell you a story.
When I was 21 years old I ended up going on a date with a girl based purely on looks. I am not going to lie, she was a very good looking girl. However, during our date I slowly began to realize that her personality was horrible. It’s not that she was a mean spirited girl or anything like that. It was the simple fact that she was boring. Everything she did bored me. Everything she said bored me. I remember zoning out multiple times throughout this date.
Of course, there was another problem. I couldn’t get rid of her on the date. There were so many times where I wanted to text my friend to send me a “fake emergency call” so I could slip out but I took my car on the date and picked HER up. Add in the fact that I don’t like drama or confrontation and you have me sitting through one of the most boring dates of my life.
Perhaps the funniest part about this whole story was what happened AFTER my date. So, I have one really close male friend who knows my deepest darkest secrets. I was talking to him after the date and explaining how boring this girl was.
He said, “show me her picture.”
I remember I pulled up Facebook showed him her picture and got the following response…
“give me her number right now.”
Three days later my best bud is dating her š
So, what in the world does this amusing story have to do with the leading phone call?
Nothing… absolutely nothing at all.
Well, ok I lied there is something to it.
I want you to tell a story. Except the story has to be long enough and interesting enough to be told over the phone. What I want you to do is prime the story through text messages. So, lets use the story I told above as an example.
The first thing I would do is send an ex this text message:
I want you to notice how well I primed the phone call. I made my messages intriguing and kind of led my ex on a little bit before I dropped the big “can I call you?” question.
Why do you want to ask permission to call your ex boyfriend?
Think of it like a test.
If he gives you permission to do so then you are definitely IN! However, if he makes up some excuse for why he can’t talk you then you need to hit the reset button and try again at a later date.
Proper Call Form
(Man, you are a hard sell :(. One last time here is where you can find my E-Book.)
Up until this point we have been talking strictly about how to get an ex to call you (or to pick up your calls) but one thing I haven’t gone into is what you are supposed to do once you get them on the phone. Well, that changes right now!
This is going to be the final section of the guide and arguably the most important one so make sure that you are paying attention.
I have thought a lot about how to structure this category and I decided to start with two general ideas.
Talking On The Phone Is About Two Things
I have talked on the phone with a lot of people in my life so this is really something that I consider myself to be an expert on. When I am interested in a girl there are two important things I do to keep them coming back for more. In fact, the women who have succeeded the most with their exes employ these things too.
- Control
- Hooking Your Ex Into The Conversation
Lets start first with control
Control
What do I mean when I say control?
Simple, I want you to control the conversation as much as you can. That means that you are going to dictate where the conversation goes and how long it will last.
Of course, in order to control someone you have to really get them hooked into your conversation first.
Hooking Your Ex Boyfriend Into The Conversation
Have you ever spent a day watching celebrities being interviewed on a talk show?
I know I have.
I have never met any of these celebrities in real life and yet somehow I am fascinated by them. Why is that? Well, my favorite celebrities are masters at telling stories in person. One celebrity that comes to mind is Hugh Jackman. Seriously, if you have never seen this guy interviewed before stop what you are doing and go watch him. Not only does he light up the room when he talks but the stories he tells are fantastic.
Now, imagine if you could tell your ex a story like that? Imagine if you could hook him into the conversation with a story.
I touched on this subject a little bit in the “leading phone call” section.
Of course, you don’t have to tell a Hugh Jackmanesque story to hook your ex into the conversation. You don’t even need to be perfect. You just need to leave him with a good afterthought!
The Afterthought Effect
You know what I have found to be the TRUE way to get someone to fall for you.
Let me give you a hint. It has nothing to do with being with the person “in the moment.” No, the real way to get someone to fall for you is to hijack their brain and leave an imprint (inception style.) So, imagine this. What if you and I were to talk on the phone and you did an amazing job of hooking me into a conversation. When we were to get off the phone I found that I can’t get you out of my mind. When I close my eyes I am thinking of you. When I wake up in the morning I am still thinking about you. Every time I check my phone for a text message from my best friend I am still thinking of you.
THAT is the afterthought effect!
The Afterthought Effect- The emotional feeling your ex boyfriend is feeling towards you after he hangs up the phone from your phone call.
Of course, the AE (afterthought effect) is not always positive. Lets say that you and I used to date. We recently just talked on the phone for the first time in a long time but instead of me being left with positive thoughts of you I was left with negative ones after we hung up.
This would be considered to be a negative AE and something that you need to avoid at all costs.
The afterthought you create will all depend on how well your call with your ex goes.
Oh, and a little friendly advice.
Always leave him wanting more!
Which is what I am about to do to you ;).
Sara
June 22, 2022 at 6:10 am
I called my boyfriend 27 times on WhatsApp because he had been away for a month and a half internationally. We had been FaceTiming and calling but it wasnāt always consistent. He would say heād call me later and never call me. I would let it go because I understood heās busy. But usually if I didnāt text or call there was no contact. He also would turn his read receipts on and off sometimes or not respond to a text. So he says heās staying longer internationally after prolonging his trips from 2 weeks ago. I was sad so I didnāt say much on the phone. He goes stay busy bc Iāll be busy too. Hugs and kisses. I then send a voice message apolgiuze gon didnāt talk much in the phone but I was sad. He turns his recieots off and then doesnāt respond. So I call him it doesnāt get picked up so then I call again he rejects it. I then say it was going to be quick call. He goes Iāll call you later and then I call again and I say when? He says an hour. I call twice more because I knew he wouldnāt and he doesnāt answe. So an hour passes I call and he turned his phone off thirty minutes before he. Said heād call. So the next day I call him twice in the morning nothing happens. So thatās when I freaked out and called 27 times because he was online. Only halfway through did he finally say Iāll call you later. I am still overwhelmed so I go when it feels like youāre ignoring me. And pester with texts. And then I continue to call. He goes can I please call you after Iām busy. And I still called. Then the next day he goes I didnāt call for a simple reason you didnāt listen to me. You called 100 times after I said Iād call you. You didnāt do what I asked I wonāt do what you asked. I apolgize saying I know Iām apologizing bc I freaked out my emotions were on edge doesnāt excuse my behaviors.Iām sorry for not listening What can I do to make things right? He reads it doenst repsond. Then I send another apology deeper thought on how Iād so respected his time and such and nothing heās not seen for the day and a half until he blocked me Friday without saying anything. What does that mean? And what do I do? He has been manipulating in the past making things a big issue or it be my fault. I thought it was his ego blocking me but now itās been 5 days and a week since the initial phone call. I sent an apology over iMessage and it delivered but I thought itād be blocked. Or he thought I couldnāt reach him. Please help me I want to get him back
Sara
June 22, 2022 at 6:00 am
Hi so my boyfriend has been away for a month and a half internationally. We were calling, FaceTiming and texting during this time. However, it was sometimes inconsistent-we would go some days nothing and it usually was if I didnāt call or text he wouldnāt. Heād also say Iāll call you later and wouldnāt end up calling. I get heās busy but he wouldnāt sends. Text or anything letting me know. It was all fine I just let it go until last Tuesday I called him and he informed me heās be staying a week longer after prolonging his trip home 2 weeks prior. I was sad and didnāt say much he said keep busy bc Iāll be busy. He said hugs and kisses talk to you later. Now WhatsApp you can see when things are read and heād often turn his read receipts on and off for me. After this phone call I sent a voice message saying sorry for not talking much Iām sad but I know youāre busy. Iāll talk to you later I love you. He turned his receipts off and didnāt respond. So I overthought and called him he didnāt answe, so I call again he rejects it. I then call him again and he finally texts can I call you later. Because of his history in calling I ask when? He says in an hour. I said I have practice in an hour and he goes okay. I then call him twice more because I just thought he might pick up. And he turned his phone off right before he said heād call. So Iām upset and the next day I call him twice in the morning nothing. I then text him will you call me I want to talk to you today. Reads it doesnāt respond. So then I see heās active later on and I proceed to call 27 times. With him halfway through saying Iāll call you later. I get annoyed my emotions are on high, so I go it feels like youāre ignoring me whatās going on. And I continue to bother like Iāve been waiting since yesterday so I kept calling. I know this is excessive and was not okay in any way. But the next day he goes you didnāt listen to me and called 100 times after I said Iād call you later. I wonāt do what you asked because you didnāt do what I asked. I then apolgized telling him I freaked out and my emotions were on high. It doesnāt excuse my behaviors Iām sorry for not listening to you. What can I do to make things right? He reads it doesnāt respond so afternoon I send a deeper apology note. Nothing. Then a day goes by no contact from him and Friday he blocks me completely without saying anything first. What does this mean? And what do I do? Because then this past Monday I just messaged him on iMessage to see if I was blocked and my apology went through.
Ella
November 13, 2021 at 3:10 pm
Hi, my ex and I broke up because I found out he was flirting with my friend, I let him know I knew about it then immediately blocked him. It was a difficult situation though because he denied he had any feelings for her but things have never been the same since. We hang in the same circles so we would always see each other and there was bad blood for a while but he knew I still loved him which was my mistake I guess. I would always make a fool of myself whenever I got drunk. I would become over protective and honestly embarrassed myself a couple of times. Now we are in a good place, I control my alcohol intake and we agreed to be friends. Problem is I still love him, and we occassionally have sex here and then. But I don’t want things to continue like this, I want him back because we honestly were very much in love, he wasn’t afraid to let the whole world know of his love for me and I feel like maybe I should have given him a chance to explain before blocking him on all socials. i think I should also point out that he grew up on his own, without parents or any loved one so he has this mentality of ‘if you decide to walk out of my life so suddenly, I will let you walk.’ He has told me often times that he wants us to be friends because he treasures friendship. Problem is I don’t want to be his friend…..I’ve began the no contact for 5 days now and I don’t know what to do incase he calls because seeing the nature of our relationship right now, he will call. I just need to change his mind about the friendship thing and take it back to romance……please help me
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 7, 2021 at 6:22 pm
Hi Ella, so first thing you need to do is stop sleeping with him without the relationship title. You need to take that away from the situation and when he approaches you about having sex, explain that you no longer want the friends with benefits, that you want a relationship and if he cannot give you that then its best to keep things as “just friends”. Once this conversation has happened – of he gets back with you great. But make it clear that flirting with others is crossing a boundary that you are not happy with. If he says he does not want a relationship then you need to then go into a 30 day no contact, and limit the amount of time you spend with him in your friend circles too. Keep your distance and work on yourself, allow him to see you speaking to other guys and show that you are “moving on”.
Shirley
October 9, 2020 at 6:55 am
Hi
my ex and i were together for 2 months, we broke up 6 months ago
i did nc and 3 months ago, i sent a first text with one of the texts from here with an hook, he answered one day after and called twice before i got back to him, we talked then a little on the phone but he terminated the conversation first
after this i tried 3 times to send a text and get him to answer; i waited a few weeks between the texts. but he did not answered
do i still have a chance, what should i do from here
thanks
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 21, 2020 at 7:30 pm
Hi Shirley, sounds as if you get the general idea but you need to work a little more on your texting approaches. Read some more articles and keep the conversation about your exes interests, and do not double/triple text, if he doesn’t reply accept it and move on to the next reach out a few days later.
Sabrina
August 10, 2020 at 4:18 am
Hi chris,
My bf and i broke up two days ago. we have been fighting back and forth because I felt like he didnt love me enough, but i never realized until now that he did and me fighting with him pushed him away even further. He is an introvert and needs his space and I couldn’t do that for him. We got into a huge fight last week (which I started) and made up and had the best week of our relationship until two nights ago, he interrupted our hang out and said he fell out of love with me and has been feeling this way for awhile. I haven’t spoke to him since. I love him so much and miss him and really want to make things right again. What should I do? We haven’t even given each other our stuff back. we dated for nine months. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 11, 2020 at 8:19 pm
Hi Sabrina, you need to go into a NC and avoid speaking with him for 30 days. Unless those things he has of yours are essential I would leave them for the time being and just give your ex some space. You could also work on your Holy Trinity and learn how to communicate without arguing when in a relationship to help you speak with him, or any future partners you have without it causing a fall out
Loveth
April 6, 2020 at 11:16 pm
Hi,I have dated my boyfriend for 2years now we broke up last year but we came back together last year I love him so much and I believe he love me too but my boyfriend always complain about my attitude he said he canāt get married to me he keep telling but each time we separate he keep coming back to me what should I do should I continue with the relationship
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 9, 2020 at 10:40 pm
Hi there, so there is a communication issue between you both so I would suggest if you want to continue your relationship with this guy I would look up a couples therapist to help you through some of the reason you keep breaking up
lilly
January 31, 2020 at 11:27 am
hi, my ex boyfreind and i are in the same class college we broke up 1 days back..we were really serious about it he had warned me tht if i continued being the same person he wld breakup whcih even he didnt want when we broke up due to his frustration i begged him to get me for so many days.. which lead to him blocking me and he even said thing to my best freinds which turned out to them leaving me. a week later he unblocked me nd said he stiill loved me so we started dating again but broke up in 2 days because he cldnt do it i begged him then he blocked me evrywhere. then 4 days back we again talked it out nd kept it a secret from everywone tht we were dating but he never texted back properly so when i asked him he said”i really love u as fuck but m scared to do anything for us becasue i dnt want all of it to happen again” so we ended on beign bffs but the next day my best frnd framed me for doing something nd told hi so he blocked me nd now he is making things about me nd telling everyone he has nothing left for me not even being friends. ik what to do is there really a chance left?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 12, 2020 at 8:54 pm
Hey Lilly, to give yourself your best chance then following this program is going to be that path. Because you share a class in college, you need to follow Limited No Contact. As for what is going on with friends etc, dont entertain rumours etc and keep composed as the truth will always come out
Hayley
January 15, 2020 at 2:23 pm
I was stupid and was looking at my ex’s contact on my phone last night. I accidentally hit call om whatsapp. Even though i ended the call right away it may have gone through. I’ve been doing NC for 27 days. What should i do next??
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 16, 2020 at 10:24 pm
Hey Hayley, so extending your NC is the next step, if you only had 3 days left you need to add another 10 days. Then reach out with a text that Chris suggests
Ashley
December 31, 2019 at 6:25 am
Iām trying to find my story but canāt. My ex and I were together for a like 9 months and we were so happy everything was fine until summer came and I went to a camp with no cell phones no contact whatsoever for 2 weeks and I got an email from him everyday but my letters took about 6 days to reach him and he was super worried and everything, we both missed each other I came back and he had to leave the next day for a camp for his college and I was texting a bunch which is my fault and he got super stressed and just wanted to be friends and then I have him a week and he called saying he was sorry and a couple days later we got back together and a couple days after we broke up again for good but we had friendly texts off and on and I started bringing up dating again and heād get mad and itās been about 6 months and a couple months ago he stopped communicating completely but I have tried to reach out over a spread of time. Iāve read articles, Iāve researched, Iāve tried but I canāt get a response and I donāt know what to do? I donāt know if I need to stop but something in me is telling me not to. What do I do? I keep asking friends and family but they say move on and deal with it and find someone else but I could never look at someone like I did my ex. Help me please!!!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 4, 2020 at 10:27 pm
Hi Ashley, it is difficult, especially when friends and family are telling you to move on. However, if you start and follow this program this is essentially our best chance at getting your ex back if you stick to it and do the work. It starts with No Contact and working on yourself to become the “Ungettable Girl” using social media to your advantage. Reaching out to your ex and begging him to talk to you is not going to help you at this point, nor is gnatting him to just get a conversation. You need to read the materials here and work hard to become the best version of yourself living your life and let him see from the outside how much hes missed out on you
B
December 24, 2019 at 3:22 am
My ex and I have been separated since May 2018. We were on and off afterwards but have not been cordial for the past 7 months. He deleted me from Facebook and he has a woman now. Iām confused bc at first I wanted him back. I did the no contact rule, he never reached out and then we talked but argued. I actually felt worse afterwards. Since then I donāt know how to feel, he has stopped reaching out completely. I saw him today,I tried to avoid conversation. He started leaving and hugged me extremely tight for like 5 minutes before he walked off. Should I continue healing and not look into it? Why would he do this?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 29, 2019 at 7:08 pm
Hey B it sounds like your ex was just trying to be nice, if you want him back you can reach out if you want to get over him then stick to NC and work on yourself until you are ready to speak with him and fine with just being his friend.
Natalia N
December 24, 2019 at 2:17 am
I was dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. He broke up with me and its been two months. About three days ago i was hanging out with friends which he is also friends with. My ex called one of them to go pick him up with his friend so we could all go to this party. When we met up his friend came out and said that my ex just wanted to follow us there. When we get there my ex comes up to me and asks how i’m doing. I say i’m fine and get out of my car. All my friends went inside and right as i’m about to go inside my ex says to get in his car and that we need to talk. I get in his car and realize that he is drunk. We started the conversation with what we’ve both been up to and then He starts balling his eyes out saying how much he loves me and misses me how his life has been a mess, and me sitting here and seeing how i changed is making him fall in love all over again. He kept crying and calling me baby. When he finally calmed down we got out and he grabbed me and pulled me in and kissed me, i kissed him back. I told him he had to talk to his girl and then we can go further with this. He hugged me and said that we need to talk again. Tomorrow were gonna meet up and talk i promise and he kissed me again. The next day he didn’t talk to me and hasn’t even tried talking to me about us. He’s still posting and reacting to his girlfriends things, and still hasn’t texted me. So did he mean any of it, or did he just say and do all of that cause he was drunk? I really want to text him and ask are we ever going to talk but I’m affraid he’s going to say no and to leave him alone. I just want to talk to him and see what he wanted to talk about. I don’t know what to do or what to think.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 29, 2019 at 7:45 pm
Hi Natalia, so it sounds as if the alcohol has got him dealing with his emotions while seeing you but is pushing it aside when he is with the other girl. You could reach out to him but do not bring up the conversation you had, just ask him for advice on something you know he would know a lot about and thank him. Short, positive conversation and see how he reacts
Kalista
November 20, 2019 at 10:13 pm
Hey I need some help. My ex recently dumped me again about a week ago. We dated the first time for 7 months, then he dumped me saying he wasnāt āin love with meā and fooled around with other woman but after 3 months he came back then we dated for 2 years and he left me saying he was falling for someone else and realized he wasnāt in love with me and hasnāt been. We broke up for a week then got back together for 2 weeks before he said he doesnāt think of me as much anymore, that heās not āin love with meā enough to stay and that he just wants to be single. The whole relationship he told me how happy he was and how much he loved me and wanted to marry and have kids with me but now he said he was miserable the whole time and I donāt make him happy. I blocked him on Facebook and Instagram because I donāt want him seeing my life and I donāt want to see his but I didnāt block his number. He can still txt me if he wants to but itās upsetting me because he hasnāt. Iāve initiated no contact and havenāt heard from him and Iām just losing hope. I REALLY want him to come back because I still really do love him. Do I have hope that he will txt first?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 24, 2019 at 4:32 pm
Hi Kalista, so the issue you have here is that you are not allowing him to see what you are doing on social media, living your life and doing things to show you are being Ungettable. So if you can bring yourself to unblock you then do so, and read the program there is a process to follow if he has met someone else called the being there method. Reading the articles on this website is going to help you through the process
Shaina
October 14, 2019 at 10:50 pm
Hi Chris, I really need some advice here. My boyfriend broke up with me just 2 days ago, because I was chatting with her ex that also happens is my friend. And I sent a picture of my bf to my friend, asking if they still be in contact. And she called my BF telling that I was attacking her, tormenting her, and so My Bf called while we still in the middle of texting with his ex each other back and he was so mad at me, be he said why did you call her I told you do not call her whatsoever. And he broke up with me at that time. And so I called my friend back after he broke up with me, I asked my friend what is the real story about them, and she told me that they still have in contact, he calls her every day, they still seeing each other sometimes and infact, they just had lunch a day before when he broke up with me. And so I was really upset, because why would he do that. But she said they are just friends, with benefits I guess because she said she can’t let go of him because they have great past together. So, I texted him, telling everything that I had learned from his ex, I called him, but he never responds until now. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 15, 2019 at 6:59 pm
Shaina, the first thing you need to do is go into a NC and work on your emotional control You also need to read about the being there method. What the ex girlfriend has done is put herself between you and because of how you reacted. You’ve allowed her to come between you. It is not great that your ex lied to you about it though.
Alexxis Dominique Brown
July 20, 2019 at 10:26 pm
so my ex got into a relationship really fast, honestly quicker than he kept making it out to me that it would take him and while he was saying those things to me to be a better guy for himself and it would take him awhile to date he was actually talking to her. yet i sit here and know heās doing this because he canāt handle being alone and itās a rebound. but iāve started the no contact, how would that work if heās in a relationship with her? what can i do to slowly ease my way into his mind without being seen a type of way but possibly wanting him to come back?
Chris Seiter
July 21, 2019 at 2:07 am
Hi Alexxis…so I do think you go forward with short No Contact and do the things that make you shine. He will notice and if it is truly a rebound, cracks will form. Then after NC, reach out and seek to maintain a positive connection. You traction with him should grow and the other women’s influence should wane.
Brandee M
July 14, 2019 at 6:20 pm
My ex FaceTimed me out the blue Friday and said he was just wanting to see my face and hear my voice. He was happy to hear my voice and see my face since Iāve spent the entire summer at my grandparents miles away. He gave me an update that he was back in college which I was genuinely glad to hear because when we were together he had been trying and things werenāt looking up for him. He mentioned how if either of us needed help with homework we should help each other out. He was also very glad to hear we lived close to each other again. I kind of did the no contact rule unintentionally, we hadnāt spoken in over a month. Iām not sure how I should take this call if it was just a pop in kinda call or what. Iād like to say I did keep my cool in the conversation. Not feeding into it while on the call but immediately afterwards so many questions were going in my head. Like when we broke up he wanted to remain friends but we didnāt communicate afterwards until Friday night. Should I continue to let him reach out to me or what should my next move be?
Forlorn J
June 30, 2019 at 3:18 am
Hi Chris and EBR staff
Ive really enjoyed reading youre advice and teachings on this site. Ivr read many stories but canāt find my exact. So long story short, i recently rekindled a romance w an on again off again ex after like a decade of no contact ( not intentional just life) We instantly connected and it was like no time passed, this was in a month and a half. After seeming like a real couple (morning daily nightly text, kiss emojis etc and spending as much time as we could together, he seemed to be distant. I confronted him and outlined the gist of what i saw for us. He replied he wasnāt ready for a real relationship and wanted to date around. Not gonna lie i lost it and said a lot of mean things that i know he was insecure about. he NEVER had n e response and in a few days blocked me on his phone. He keeps blocking and unblocking me but never says anything back. its been about 3 wks. Thoughts?
Chris Seiter
June 30, 2019 at 3:30 pm
Sometimes when what you are doing is not working it’s best to change your strategy. Perhaps he got scared or confused or has commitment/attachment issues. Not sure. But you may want to consider implementing No Contact and do the other things I talk about in my Program – “EBR PRO Bundle”.
L
May 24, 2019 at 9:10 am
Hi Chris, Ny ex and i got into a fight in feb. He blocked me thinking i blocked him. We connected after a few days however he was very cold and rude. I begged to have him n cried. We continued chatting where he was cold, reached out showed jealous and anger. He blamed me for being sad and forvthings I havnt done. He asked for space but still msgd back he dint say we were over. I went no contact for a few days and called him on his birthday at the end of march. Then again he was cold. I went no contact for a month 35 days .. I textd him but couldnt control my emotions i asked him if we were together cause he dint break up but kept me stringing along. I tried calling him he dint answer and eventually blocked me. He still chatted and said he wont even try. I messaged him the next day asking for a small thing back as it was too personal to give someone so rude and selfish. He removed me from insta but still follws me on insta n fb. I still care about him. Is there hope? My gut says he will come back. But im not sure. Please help. The whole situation is very confusing. It was not that a big fight for him to leave me after a 2 year relation..till april he continued saying he loves me too. Please help Chris. The anxiety is killing me
Nic
April 23, 2019 at 1:42 am
Itās been five weeks since my ex broke up with me- we were together for a year. When we first got together, he said he was definitely not looking for something serious. Heās over a decade older and divorced. I agreed to a casual thing, because I was just out of a previous relationship. I could tell he liked me a lot, though. The texts and calls became more frequent. Then he told me he wanted a real relationship. After I got a promotion at work, we had a harder time seeing each other (my hours became weird). But he vocalized that we would work it out and to believe in us. Then one day, he randomly broke up with me because I cancelled New Years plans (cold and rainy!). A week later he said it was a mistake – he felt overwhelmed and he didnāt mean it. I took him back, eventually asked if we could meet each otherās families. He said he was absolutely on board. We made plans. Then he came over one night. I randomly cried really hard about some past hardships and anxiety issues. He completely clammed up, offered zero comfort. I became frustrated and hurt…then he broke up with me a day later because he didnāt want to āhurtā me anymore. He immediately blocked my phone and unfriended my Instagram. This hurt so much- I sent him two big, frustrated emails and maybe 10-15 angry messages (nothing crazy, but still) over the past five weeks. I told him I felt used. Heās ignored everything, save one brief email saying heās terrible with feelings, somethingās wrong with him etc. iām devastated. We got along so well, I thought. But I feel like Iāve ruined my chances. Is it even worth it to enact No Contact and hope heāll see things my way?
Chris Seiter
April 23, 2019 at 2:52 am
H Nic….I see you have been thru a lot. Perhaps time to pull back and give NC a try as it has many advantageous elements, namely giving you some time for healing and recovery. Check out my Program as get into the nitty gritty details.
Mickey
February 22, 2019 at 10:30 pm
Hi Chris,
I and my boyfriend has not talked for almost 5 weeks today. It all started when I came back from the US for company training. 1st Saturday went I got back, we are supposed to see each other but since I feel so tired and felt that he said that I should take a lot more rest and told me to meet him next Saturday. That next Saturday came and I forgot about my sister in law birthday so I told him I’m not sure if I can meet him that Saturday. In about noon time I told him I cannot him since the birthday will be celebrated in the hotel for an overnight stay. We exchange several messages after that but around 7PM he never replied to my messages. I even asked if he is annoyed with me, still no reply. Sunday morning, I sent him tons of text messages but still got no reply from him until 8PM. That is the time I said I will give him space as he always goes silent if there is something he did not like. I gave him 2 weeks without me around even text and call was not there. After two weeks, I messaged him daily never replied. It usually takes him 3 days after my first come back text for him to reply but he has been ignoring me for 5 weeks but never got a reply from him. Valentine’s day past and his birthday came but no reply from any of those messages. I even asked him that I wanted to see and to celebrate his birthday with him but I simply got nothing. In my text, I told him, Im, really sorry for my shortcomings and acknowledge all of them and I told him that I wish he forgives me that will be back to our normal ways. I have checked his social media and saw that he uploaded a personal photo of himself which is the 1st time in his life as he never puts one of himself as he hates his own pictures. I’m not sure what’s going on with him and his thoughts with that uploading of the photo. Then saw a girl putting hearts on his photo. I even saw him replying to comments at before and after I sent him text messages. I started to do the NC again since I never got a reply from all my messages even my message on his birthday were I sent 3 in total and invitation to see him.
Chris, I want to know if my boyfriend has decided to end things between us without telling me just by simply ignoring me? I just wanna point your comments on this so I will start moving on already.
Hope you can provide answers to my questions.
Jenny
February 20, 2019 at 7:18 pm
Hi Chris,
Iāve really been enjoying the content on this website. I love having a game plan going forward.
My question is… my ex does not have a smartphone so I wouldnāt be able to send voice messages or photos via text. Can I use email instead?
Thanks so much!
Chris Seiter
February 21, 2019 at 3:24 am
Hi Jenny!
Thanks for the kind words and I hope you are soaking it all up! When it’s time to communicate, email is fine.