Something strange happens to me whenever I meet someone for the first time and they ask,
“What do you do for a living?”
At first I used to brim with confidence and tell them,
“I help people with breakups. More specifically, I help women to either recover emotionally from their most recent breakup or help them get their ex back.”
Personally I think it’s a pretty kick-ass job… But the people I would tell didn’t think so.
Oftentimes their face would look like this,
And then they would say something like,
“Why would anyone want to get back with their ex?”
“Is it even possible to get back with an ex?”
Pretty soon after this happened enough times I felt like it was a hassle to tell people what I did for a living because they are too overcome by their preconceived notions. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that strangers aren’t the only one with preconceived about getting an ex boyfriend back.
Care to take a guess at who else has them?
Without a doubt one of the top questions that we get here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery on a daily basis is,
“Do I have a chance?”
“Is this even possible?”
Society has beaten the idea that it’s next to impossible to win an ex boyfriend back into your head and I will admit that when I started this journey several years ago this is what I thought too. However, after helping people with their situations on a daily basis I learned that, that isn’t exactly the case and I have the statistics to back me up.
But more on that later.
First, I think it would be smart of us to study these preconceived notions since they bog so many of you down.
What Society Thinks Of Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back
I have a story to tell you that I think will perfectly sum up what the general world out there thinks of breakups and exes.
I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery way back in 2012 but it really didn’t take off until 2013. In fact, I think that is when I first wrote Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Anyways, I remember being super proud of what I was doing and I remember it was just mind boggling to me at the time that thousands of women were coming to my website every single day for advice on their situations.
But for me personally life hadn’t really changed that much. I was the same ole Chris Seiter.
Well, one day my mom asked for my help at a function and being the awesome son I am,
I decided to help her out.
Now, it’s been a while so I don’t exactly remember what I was doing but all I know is that it required a lot of people and even though these people were strangers to me they did know my mom quite well.
Anyways, I remember one of the male strangers came up to me and struck up a conversation.
Of course, when a conversation is struck up it’s almost guaranteed that the inevitable “question” is going to get asked.
“So Chris, what do you do for a living?”
Without hesitation I said,
“I help people for a living who are going through breakups. Specifically, I teach them to get their exes back.”
To which the stranger replied,
“Why would you want to do that? Once someone breaks up they should stay that way.”
Then this guy has the audacity to give my mom this look,
What an a**hole.
I remember looking at this guy and wanting to punch him,
So I did.. and that’s the first and only time I have ever been to jail. That’s how much I care about you guys…
Ok, I didn’t punch him and go to jail.
But it probably would have made me feel better if I did.
Anyways, the point of me telling you that fun little story is to teach you that most people despise the idea of getting back with an ex.
They have this preconceived notions about it.
What are the preconceived notions?
The Preconceived Notions
- It’s not possible to get an ex back
- It’s not a good idea to get back with an ex
- You broke up with your ex for a reason… a good reason
In fact, I think I touched on this in my post on how to handle disapproving friends or family.
But preconceived notions don’t just affect other people, they can affect you too.
I mean, why do you think I get so many questions sounding like this,
“Chris, do I even have a chance?”
“I feel like this is impossible to succeed in. What do you think?”
Personally, I think it’s for two reasons.
Reason One: The Preconceived Notions Got To You
Lets pretend that you want your ex boyfriend back more than anything in the world (you probably do.) In fact, you want him back so much that you tell your best friend about how you are feeling and instead of being supportive they feed you the preconceived notion BS I just covered above,
“Oh no Sally (I hope your name is Sally 😉 ) you are better off without him.”
“Sally, it’s not a good idea to get back together.”
Or my personal favorite,
“Once an ex… always an ex.”
After hearing this every day for a week from your best friend, doubt starts to creep in to your mind.
Reason Two: YOU Have These Preconceived Notions
What if you actually grew up with these types of preconceived notions?
You believed that you should never get back with an ex…
That you should never even entertain the idea of getting back together with him...
You never possibly thought that you would find yourself in a position where you would be wanting an ex back. But then again, you have never met anyone who had such a hold over your heart as your ex boyfriend did.
The way he made you feel.
It was so powerful and you never want that feeling to go away.
Nevertheless, deep down in your heart you know that exes don’t get back together and this makes doubt creep into your mind.
Preconceived notions are a hell of a thing to combat but that’s what I am going to do today with this article. I am going to take all three of the preconceived notions I mentioned above and turn them on their head. I want to prove to you that society has it wrong and I have it right.
I’m Taking Down Preconceived Notions… Want To Join Me?
Are you ready to take down preconceived notions with me?
I thought the smartest way to go about this was to first give you a list of all the preconceived notions that I will be breaking down in today’s guide.
These Preconceived Notions Are Going DOWN
- It’s not possible to get an ex back
- It’s not a good idea to get back with an ex
- You broke up with your ex for a reason… a good reason
“Hey Chris… Isn’t that the same exact list that you wrote before?”
Darn… I can’t get anything by you guys.
Ok, maybe I copy and pasted the same list right here. BUT the way I did it… with such passion and intensity… oh who am I kidding, lets just get right to it.
Preconceived Notion #1- It’s Not Possible To Get An Ex Back
This is the ultimate preconceived notion.
Most people think it’s a one and done after a breakup.
That when you break up you are supposed to stay broken up (more on that in a second.)
But here is the dirty little secret that people aren’t telling you.
A little under half of all breakups result in some type of re-connection down the road.
I know what you are thinking,
“A little under half? You are a freaking madman… I’m leaving.”
I wouldn’t make that kind of bold claim without any proof to back it up.
A few weeks ago a study done by AP-We TV caught my eye. Hell, it didn’t catch my eye it caught Yahoo News’ eye too.
Let me tell you how this went down.
One of the websites I visit frequently is Yahoo.com. I do this for a few reasons.
- They have interesting content to me
- I like to stay up to date with the news and that is my news source
Anyways, a few weeks ago I ended up taking my daily visit over to Yahoo and I was greeted with one of the most relevant headlines ever when you consider my chosen profession,
Now, for someone who teaches people to get back with their exes for a living you could see why I was interested. But still… being friends with an ex isn’t exactly the best way to win an ex back, I thought to myself. I wonder what else this “poll” covered?
And then I saw it.
The granddaddy of all poll numbers.
Over 4 in 10 who have experienced a break end up getting back together again.
I saw this and did a double take.
No, I am not quite sure that explains it. I saw it and did a quadruple take.
“That can’t be right. They must have miscounted. Let me see this poll,” I said.
And there it was.
Do you see it?
Do you see how 41 out of 100 people were asked,
Have you ever gotten back with an ex after a breakup?
And answered yes.
It sounds unreal, right?
Well, it’s not. Those are real numbers.
Here is what might be a little misleading though.
The poll is a little flawed in the fact that they only asked 100 people if they have gotten back with an ex before. Personally, I would like to see a poll asking 10,000 people. Nevertheless, we work with what we are given.
Another way the poll is misleading is the fact that the question wasn’t,
Do you get back with an ex every single time after a breakup?
It only asked if you have ever gotten back with an ex after a breakup before.
I mean, I highly doubt that every person who said,
Yes, I have gotten back with an ex before meant that they have gotten back with an ex every time they went through a breakup.
Nevertheless, 41 percent is good.
We can work with that.
But what about my experience with this site?
Do 41 percent of people who come here end up getting their ex back?
Nope, as much as I hate to admit this the real number is probably much lower than that.
But as cliche as this is going to sound, it’s not my fault, it’s yours!
“Wait, what do you mean it’s ours?”
I mean that I am giving you all the tools to succeed and all you have to do is to use those tools BUT a lot of you find it difficult to implement my advice.
But enough about that.
We are here to break down preconceived notions not to listen to another Chris Seiter rant.
The notion is that it’s impossible to get an ex back after a breakup. I think with that poll statistic I proved that it is very possible. Oh, and I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet.
Lets go back to the poll numbers.
100 people were asked if they had ever gotten back with an ex before and 41 of those people answered YES.
We get that but how much do you want to bet that the 100 people that were asked weren’t trained in the art of getting an ex back?
Something tells me that zero of them actually knew how to get an ex back and yet 41% of them were able to succeed.
So, lets enter this with an assumption.
Lets say that the 100 people that were asked in the poll all wanted to win an ex back. Now, lets assume that they came to one of my two websites (Ex Boyfriend Recovery (for women) or Ex Girlfriend Recovery (for men)) and learned all the correct rules for getting an ex back.
I wonder if that percentage would go up?
I wonder if 41% would turn into 60%?
Food for thought?
Preconceived Notion #2- It’s Never A Good Idea To Get Back With An Ex
It’s never a good idea to get back with your ex boyfriend.
I can’t tell you how many times that I have come across a woman who says this.
I wonder what the statistics say?
After all, my word and experience pale in comparison to statistics (eye roll.)
Apparently when 100 people were asked whether or not it was worth it to stay friends with an ex after a breakup the answer was clear, NO!
60% think it’s not a good idea.
Wow, that is A LOT!
Now, I know that this isn’t exactly what we are looking at here with the preconceived notion of whether or not it’s a good idea to get back with an ex. However, I feel that a lot of times what happens in the recovery process is that exes do remain friends and ultimately use that as a springboard to get back together.
At least, that’s what the people who said that it isn’t worth it to stay friends with an ex are thinking.
I mean, why else would they think it’s not a good idea?
Probably because they have their own preconceived notion that remaining friends after a breakup will lead to a re connection and they think that’s a bad idea.
But here is an interesting question.
How many of these people actually did stay friends with an ex after a breakup?
Lets look at the statistics again.
51% of people…
Wait, Didn’t 60% of people think that it’s not a good idea to stay friends with an ex?
Talk about a failure to take their own advice.
Now, were the same exact people asked the same exact question?
I don’t know.
But I do know that this poll is “supposedly” accurate so I am just going to roll with it.
Now, what does any of this have to do with the preconceived notion we are talking about.
It’s really simple.
If we were to go out and do our own poll of the general population most men and women would say that it’s not a good idea to get back with your ex. However, when push comes to shove they can’t take their own advice.
I like to call it the hypocrisy phenomenon.
The Hypocrisy Phenomenon
You know what a hypocrite is, right?
Well, here is Google’s definition,
Hmm… that doesn’t really tell us much, does it?
Ok, let me Chris Seiterize this definition.
Chris Seiterize- Boil it down to it’s simplest form.
Actually, I am not quite sure I can take full credit for what I am about to say since someone else taught me this but for the life of me I can’t remember who.
Anyways, a hypocrite is someone who says one thing and then does another.
In other words, a person who says that they shouldn’t stay friends with an ex and then after a breakup they, as you guessed, stay friends with their ex is a hypocrite.
But can we really hold it against them?
All logical rules seem to get thrown out the window when a breakup occurs.
But I am getting off topic here.
I want to give you an example of someone who has fallen victim to the hypocrisy phenomenon.
But first… I need you to not tell anyone what I am about to tell you.
No really… I could get in trouble and lose my credibility. 😉
This whole website was built on hypocrisy.
Now, before you start charging me with pitchforks hear me out.
When I write for this site I always start every article off with one singular thought,
“What would work on me?”
You see, I am of the mind that if a tactic will work on me then it will work on other men out there. However, every time I sit back and say,
“Oh, the no contact rule wouldn’t work on me…”
“Pshh… you think that text would work on me?”
I AM LYING!
Those two tactics would totally work on me. I mean, I wouldn’t have written about them if they wouldn’t work on me. I guess my point here is that everyone is a hypocrite in their own way.
And this is good news for you when it comes to recovering your ex boyfriend. Sure, maybe he will have a preconceived notion that getting back with you is a bad idea but as I have clearly demonstrated with the statistics above. Just because someone has a preconceived notion about something doesn’t necessarily mean that their actions are going to follow their preconceived notion.
Preconceived Notion #3- You Broke Up With Your Ex For A Reason… A Good Reason
You broke up for a reason, right?
Maybe they broke up with you for a reason.
But what that reason good?
I am not so sure.
First things first though, I am going to go outside my norm and get a bit negative here.
Sometimes when people break up it’s a good thing. In fact, I would say that there are times where it’s the best thing. Let me give you an example.
I have created a team to help people through breakups.
I call this team, “The Ex Recovery Team,”
So you have me. I obviously come up with all the ideas and write all the content. Then we have Taylor. He designs everything. So, if you like the way the website works then that’s all him.
In fact, here is a funny story. I used to be in charge of that and I used to design the website all myself.
Care to take a gander at what it looked like?
Pretty crappy, right?
Next we have Amor.
I hired her because I was having a tough time keeping up with comments. So, most likely she will respond to your comments if you ask a question here on the website.
And then finally we have the big one.
She is in charge of YouTube and marketing. Though I will say YouTube is really her specialty.
She loves that YouTube channel.
Anyways, when people ask a question via YouTube you most likely will be getting a response from her. Yesterday my wife told me a very interesting story.
Apparently someone who commented there started begging for her ex back.
Here’s the down low.
The woman’s ex boyfriend cheated on her which led the woman to act a bit crazy (but nothing too out of the ordinary.) And then the guy has the audacity to tell the woman that he’s “disappointed in her.”
Are you serious?
He cheats on her and he has the audacity to tell her that he’s disappointed in her?
Oh, but it gets even better.
The woman keeps trying to get her ex boyfriend back (who cheated on her) and the ex boyfriend seems like he’s willing to play along. Well, that’s the case until the girl he cheated with gets back to him and tells him that she’s late on her period and may be pregnant.
Now, when you are staring this situation down the barrel it’s not a bad thing that you have broken up with this kind of a guy.
In my opinion, it may be the best thing.
But not everyone has a crazy situation like this.
In other words, not everyone has broken up for a good reason.
Let me give you another example.
Lets say that you and your ex got into a fight and broke up.
What was your fight over?
Your exes inability to clean around the house.
You see, when two people in the relationship get into a fight it always has the potential to evolve due to past fights.
Let me dive a bit deeper.
Lets say that you get into a fight with your ex over his inability to clean around the house. This infuriates him and he calls you a “nag.” With one simple word he manages to infuriate you to the next level and you recall the time that you caught him flirting with a girl at his work and bring that up. Of course, after bringing it up for the thousandth time he is tired of apologizing and starts calling you names. The names make you so mad you fire back and the next thing you know you are in a full fledged knockout, drag out, fight that ultimately leads to your breakup.
So, let me get this straight.
You got into a fight over him not picking up some simple clothes on the ground and that lead to your demise.
Seriously, that is a stupid, stupid reason to break up.
But lets get back to the original question.
Does everyone break up for a good reason?
Are you nuts?
People break up for all kinds of stupid reasons all the time.
I wonder, why did you and your ex break up?