What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Ex boyfriends complicate life don’t they?

“What are you talking about Chris?”

I know that’s a strange statement for me to put out there but if you really think about it there is truth to it. The reason you found this page is probably because you want to better understand your ex boyfriend. The reason your feelings are all over the place is probably because of him. Oh, and who could forget the pain you had to experience during the initial breakup (the breakup was caused by him by the way.)

The end result = a more complicated life.

After a breakup there are two outcomes that can occur. I will illustrate those outcomes below in the form of short little stories.

Boy meets girl.

Boy falls in love with girl.

Boy dates girl and the relationship is great for a while.

Boy has an issue and breaks up with girl.

Girl moves on.

Boy moves on.

For most of the women who visit Ex Boyfriend Recovery this is the story they are currently experiencing and this story frightens the living daylights out of them. As a result, they will do anything to avoid it. Especially that last sentence of,

“Boy moves on.”

No, the story that pretty much every woman on this site wants to unfold is this,

Boy meets girl.

Boy falls in love with girl.

Boy dates girl and the relationship is great for a while.

Boy has an issue and breaks up with girl.

Girl begins to move on while implementing “get your ex back” tactics.

The boy wants her back.

I want you to take a wild guess at which story we are going to be focusing on throughout this page?

If you guessed the one where the girl makes the boy want her back then you are right. Specifically, I want to focus on what goes through a mans head that makes him want to go back with his ex girlfriend or you in this case.

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Will This Page Include A Step By Step Plan To Get Him Back?

There is only one purpose of this page, to teach you what makes an ex want to come back after a breakup. What I am hoping happens is that you will use the knowledge I give you to become someone that your boyfriend will want to come back to.

Of course, becoming someone that he will want back is only one step in a very complex process. This page is only going to be focusing on how to become “the one.” In other words, there won’t be a step by step guide teaching you how to get him back.

Now, before you roll your eyes and click the back button on your browser or phone I want to make you aware that I have already created a guide that will teach you how to get your ex boyfriend back, STEP BY STEP. My E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO will take you through every step of the reconnection process and show you everything you will need to do to get your ex back.

In addition to that, I have also written another book on what attracts men to women. In other words, if you do everything that book says then you will become exponentially more attractive to your ex boyfriend. That E-Book is called, The Secrets of Attracting Men.

Learn more about them below,

The Reasons Your Ex Boyfriend Would Want To Come Back

reason

In this section I am going to go over every possible reason I can think of that would make an ex boyfriend want to come back to you after a breakup.

Of course, when I was brainstorming this section I discovered something very interesting.

Not all of the reasons for an ex boyfriend to come back to you after a breakup are good. In fact, some of them are downright horrible. As a result, I have decided to divide this category up into three different sections.

Section 1: Positive Reasons

This section is going to cover every single positive reason I can possibly think of that would make an ex boyfriend want to get back together with you. If you can successfully get your ex boyfriend to want you back for these reasons then you could be well on your way to a long lasting relationship.

Section 2: Neutral Reasons

Here we are going to take a look at the reasons that aren’t good or bad, they are simply “in between.” If you find that your ex boyfriend has a neutral reason for wanting to get back together with you it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, most of the women would kill to have ANY reason for an ex to want them back.

Section 3: Bad Reasons

In my mind it all boils down to the future. Can you and your ex boyfriend have a happy and healthy relationship going forward if you were to get back together? Well, if your ex wants you back for any of the reasons in this section then that means that your chances of having that happy and healthy relationship are going to be harmed. Why? Well, you’ll find out in a second 😉 .

First things first, lets start with the positive reasons.

Positive Reasons He Could Want To Come Back

(Learn how you can make him come back to you by getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

be positive

In this section we are only going to be focusing on the positive reasons that an ex boyfriend wants to come back.

Now, I am naturally assuming that you are wondering what made me pick the reasons below. It’s quite simple really. I have seen a lot of couples break up and I have seen a lot of couples get back together. This puts me in a very interesting position since I hear all the little details behind the mans reasoning for re-entering the relationship.

Of course, I have also seen a lot of couples that get back together break up again and when I ask for the details on why I always seem to determine that the overall mindset of the man when he re-enters the relationship is extremely important. If that mindset is found under the “neutral” or “negative” sections below then you can run into trouble sometimes.

All of the reasons below are positive because they will give you the best chance for sustaining a long relationship with your boyfriend. In other words, his mindset is going to be in the right place.

Positive Reason- Experience Has Taught Him You Are The Best

best in the world
A friend of mine told me a story recently that really resonated with me.

You see, my friend is no stranger to relationships. He has had multiple girlfriends and has even been married once. So, in that sense he is a veteran when it comes to the relationship game.

One day we got to talking about his history with relationships and he said something that struck me as fascinating. Out of all of the women he has dated in his life there is one that stands out above all the rest. You know, “the one that got away.”

The way he talked about this girl was incredible. He talked about how beautiful she was, how his heart would beat uncontrollably at the sight of her and how if he could go back in time he would do everything in his power to keep her.

Why do you think this story resonated with me?

Well, let me just say one thing. His story wouldn’t have resonated with me if I didn’t own this site.

I see ex boyfriends coming back all the time for a variety of different reasons. However, one of the most common reasons I see them wanting to come back is because they dub you as “the one that got away.”

Sometimes an ex has to go out into the world and experience new relationships for himself before he can come to the realization that you were the best girlfriend he ever had. Ironically, by the time he actually realizes that it’s too late you will have already moved on.

(Again, something I see all the time.)

Of course, there are some men out there that are completely aware that you are the best girlfriend they will ever have. However, what can generally happen is that these men aren’t ready to commit to you because they “haven’t experienced enough.”

According to the Huffington Post, the average age that a man starts looking to settle down has been on the rise.

In 1990 the average marrying age for men was 26 years old. In 2013 that number has been upped to 29 years old (a historic high.)

The end result is simple, more and more men want to get out and experience “more” before they settle down. This is important to keep in mind because it can actually explain why your ex may have broken up with you in the first place.

Now, I bet you are sitting there thinking,

“Could my ex boyfriend be thinking that I am the best he ever had?”

That depends on a number of factors both physically and emotionally.

Ideally, what you want to do is set the bar so high that no one will be able to compete with you in the relationship. Take my friend for example. He is currently 31 years old and has experienced probably over a dozen relationships AND he has even been married.

With all that experience in the dating game there is only one girl that he constantly thinks about.

The one who set the bar so high that no other girl could compare not even his WIFE (ex wife now though.)

Positive Reason- The Heat Of The Moment

burn
Have you ever been so angry at someone that you said a bunch of things that you didn’t mean?

I remember when I had my first girlfriend I acted like a crazy person. At 15 years old I was absolutely thrilled that I got a member of the opposite sex to like me. Of course, the biggest issue here was the fact that I was very immature and didn’t understand how to deal with the feelings that you get in a relationship.

I remember one time I got into a fight with this girl over something ridiculous.

In the end my anger took over and I blurted out a bunch of insults that deep down I really didn’t mean.

After I was done with my little outburst the look on her face pretty much said it all as I came to reality and realized that I had hurt her on a very deep level.

Now, what I want to do with this section is take this same concept, the immature outburst, and apply it to your situation to see if your boyfriend had one right before he broke up with you.

The thing I have always found fascinating about relationships is the fact that they have the ability to make you magnify every little thing that the person you are dating does. For example, before you dated your now ex boyfriend I bet you that you really didn’t care as much if he took a picture with another girl.

You weren’t dating him so you didn’t really attach those “love” feelings to him yet.

This completely changes when you do attach those types of feelings to him. All of a sudden, you care very much on whether or not he takes a picture with another girl.

Well, the same type of principal applies to your boyfriend. As he is dating you every little thing that you do is going to be magnified for him. Now, some men understand this and deal with it in a very mature way by not overreacting over every little thing that you do.

However, a large portion of men aren’t very mature in how they handle the magnification.

Let me use an example to illustrate this point.

Lets stick with this idea of pictures.

Lets say that you harmlessly take a picture with one of your guy friends during a birthday party that his girlfriend set up. The picture is completely harmless meaning that you aren’t sitting in this guys lap, kissing him on the cheek, having your hands on him or anything that can be considered controversial. In fact, you didn’t even want to take the picture with him in the first place because you knew it could potentially upset your boyfriend. Peer pressure works on you though and you decide to do it (his girlfriend even took the picture.)

When the inevitable birthday party update happens on Facebook. You are tagged in the picture and your boyfriend ends up seeing the picture (even though you didn’t post it.)

Now, since we already know that everything is going to be magnified for your boyfriend it is pretty much a given that he could freak out if he sees the picture which can lead to an argument which can lead to a fight which can lead to him saying things he doesn’t mean.

Do you see how that progression works?

Lets make another leap here and say that this little incident with the picture was what caused your relationship to end.

When your boyfriend saw the picture he obviously got angry and jealous. Those emotions caused him to say a lot of things that he didn’t mean. When he comes down off his anger trip he is going to realize that he may have potentially made a mistake.

He is going to see the situation from a more logical perspective and realize that you are a gem and he is a fool for letting you go.

The question you have to ask yourself now is if he is worth taking back?

This is really the ultimate position to be in because you control the entire game at this point.

However, if you are asking my opinion on whether or not to take a boyfriend back in this exact situation (with the picture fight, etc, etc) I would have one piece of simple advice. If your entire relationship has been like this with him overreacting, causing a huge fight and never having any empathy then you might want to think twice before getting yourself into another situation where you let history repeat itself.

Yes, this is a positive reason for him wanting you back but if this reason causes you to continually break up and get back together then there may have a deeper problem.

Positive Reason – Missing The Routine

routine
Have you ever noticed that when you date someone there is a certain routine that you get into?

For example, the first thing that you may do when you wake up is check your phone to see if your boyfriend texted you. Next, you may spend the entire day sending texts back and forth to each other. After the day is finished you may meet your boyfriend somewhere to be with him. Of course, when that time is over you go home and probably text him again or talk to him on the phone.

My point is simple, this is the routine of your relationship and I have found that people like routines.

It could be entirely possible that the drastic change of a breakup is very hard on your boyfriend because all of a sudden he is ripped away from the routine that he has gotten so used to.

You see this a lot with men who are dating women for long periods of time (1 year +.)

So, why is it a good sign if your ex boyfriend comes back to you because he misses the routine?

Look at it this way.

That routine isn’t possible without your relationship. Heck, it can even be argued that the routine and your relationship are closely intertwined. It is because of that routine that your relationship is even possible.

So, if your ex boyfriend begins missing the routine of your relationship it is really like saying he is missing you.

Neutral Reasons He May Want To Return

(Learn how you can make him come back to you by getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

neutral
When it comes to relationships nothing is ever black or white. Most of the time it is a lot more complicated than “good reasons” vs “bad reasons.” In this section we are going to explore the type of reasons that are in between good or bad.

Probably the thing that I have found most interesting about “neutral reasons” is that they can have the ability to be both good or bad depending on a lot of different factors.

Our first reason is a perfect example of this phenomenon.

He Comes Back Because He Misses You

miss you
Now, I know exactly what you are thinking.

“How in the world is this not a good reason?”

Allow me to educate you.

I dated a girl for a year between the ages of 19-20. Every time I think back to that relationship it literally hurts my stomach because of how much stress it gave me. I am a very calm and genuine person. I have always been that way but in that relationship I wasn’t calm or genuine.

It made me into a completely different person.

In fact, I didn’t think it was possible to have as many fights in a relationship as I did with this person.

My main point here is simple, the two of us were clearly not a good match for each other. Yet despite all of that I still missed her when I broke up with her. Yes, I knew it was ultimately the right decision but I still missed her. I feel it is normal.

Think of it this way, if I had gone back to her when I missed her right after the breakup would I have been giving the relationship the best chance in the long run?

I mean, what had changed this time around?

What if after 3 months of being broken up I still missed her?

By this time I would have probably been thinking more logically and the inevitable “missing after the breakup” would have already occurred.

In other words, timing is everything when it comes to missing.

Negative Reasons He May Want You Back

(Learn how you can make him come back to you by getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

negative nancy
Lets move on to the negative reasons that your ex boyfriend could want you back.

Now, I know that pretty much every woman prowling this site would sell a small piece of their soul to get back with their exes. However, you might want to think twice before you sign on the dotted line. I know I say this a lot but I really mean it. I am in a very unique position in that I have seen a lot of relationships succeed and fail.

If there is anyone you should listen to when it comes to the topic of exes it should be me.

I am here to tell you that sometimes if your ex wants you back and it is because of a “negative reason” it might be best to move on and not take them back.

Why?

Well, if you get back with a boyfriend because of any of the reasons below then the chances of your relationships succeeding long term aren’t going to be very high.

You’ll see what I mean.

Negative Reason- He’s Bored

bored
I want to tell you a little story.

A few days ago I got an interesting email from a reader here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Her boyfriend had broken up with her because he “lost feelings.” The breakup really hurt because she was convinced that he was “the one.” So, she did what any self respecting woman would do… she came to the internet and found my site. After a few hours of reading the material here she decided that the smartest thing to do going forward was to implement the no contact rule.

So she did.

5 days is all it took… 5 days before he came crawling back.

“I miss you so much. It’s so BORING without you.”

If your ex is bored without you is that a good sign or a bad sign?

It’s actually bad because a solid relationship can’t be built on a foundation of boredom. Essentially what your ex is saying here is that there is no one else around so you are the best option that they know they can get.

Negative Reason- For Sex

sexy
If you haven’t already read my post on exes who use you I suggest you take about ten minutes and get through that (it has some interesting insights about men.)

Lets do some role playing.

Lets say that you and I dated for about a year and I broke up with you citing some ridiculous reason about my feelings not being the same. The truth is that I just wanted to get out there and experience more women. There’s just one problem… turns out that “more women” don’t want to experience me.

Of course, we are talking about me here and I can be stubborn sometimes so rather than crawling back to you with my tail between my legs I decide to see if I can get away with making you my booty call and I do… for a while. Pretty soon you start to develop those inevitable feelings and demand that we become an item again.

Understanding that this is a very delicate situation and I could lose my “sex partner” I decide to make you my girlfriend again. Here’s the thing though. The only reason I am making you my girlfriend is because I am getting sex from you. I am still keeping an eye out for other women to “experience.” The second that I find one I am going to break up with you and go to her.

Do you see how this is a negative reason now?

Negative Reason- He Sees You With Another Man

jealous
When I was a small child I got a video game system for Christmas one year. I was so excited to play with it that I would literally invite all of my friends over and all we did during Christmas break was play on this thing. Of course, I began to notice something really troubling with my best friend.

He became extremely jealous of the fact that I had this video game system and he didn’t. So, he went home and threw a temper tantrum until he got his parents to buy the same video game system that my parents had gotten me for Christmas.

Keep this anecdote in mind because it is going to apply to what I am talking about here.

A common trend I see here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that women who try to get their ex boyfriends back end up failing but rather than letting that failure make them miserable they decide to pick up the pieces and move on. Eventually they do find someone new and fall in love with him.

Of course, the initial ex that they were trying to get back in the first place is watching all of this and begins to grow jealous.

Here is where the anecdote comes back into play.

Imagine that you are me and you just got a new video game system (your new man.) Your ex is my best friend and he grows jealous of the new video game system (your new man.) All of a sudden, you start to see your ex trying to win you back.

A few months ago you literally prayed every night for this to happen but now that you have moved on you are filled with confusion on whether or not to give it a try with the new man or go back to the old one who broke your heart.

Let me tell you why its a bad idea to go back to your ex in this case.

Lets say that you do go back to your ex boyfriend. You break up with the new boyfriend and give this thing another shot with your old flame. Well, the problem with this is that the only reason you were suddenly attractive to your ex again is because he saw you with another guy.

That’s it.

The second you leave that new guy to become exclusive with him is the second that he begins to lose interest again…

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (482)

  1. Raylene - 0

    Raylene

    Hi Amor,
    I’m having a really hard time. My ex-boyfriend and I have a very long history. I had moved to a new town 6 years ago where I first met him. He initially really liked me and wanted to start a relationship but I wasn’t ready for that. We lost contact for about half a year, and then we started talking again and going on dates because we both realized we really had feelings for each other. After that we started dating and continued the relationship for nearly 4 years (3 years and 9 months). For the most part it was great, we had great chemistry and really loved each other. Of course like every couple we had our arguments, but we always got through it. However, during the last 9 months of our relationship I started a new program with school so we spent less time together, which made the relationship a little more difficult. He ended up ending the relationship a day before I moved away for a clinical placement with school, because he said when looking into the future he didn’t get excited anymore. We ended up talking about half way through my being gone and he said we should discuss everything when I got home and hold off on deciding either way until then (which was only 3 weeks away). I agreed and so we did our own thing for 3 weeks. After I got home we met up and talked over everything. He said he still really cares about me and that he wishes he wanted to put the effort in to fix the relationship, but he just doesn’t have a desire to be in a relationship right now with anyone. He told me over and over again that it wasn’t me or anything that I did, but that he just really doesn’t have a desire to put the effort in. He said the thing that made him re-evaluate everything was that a lot of my friends were getting married this summer and it made him start thinking about a future with me, to which he decided he is unsure of. We are very young (21) and I have told him many times that I am in no rush to get married. He seemed very set in his mind that he did not want to try to make the relationship work. However, after we finished talking he walked me back to my car, and started crying and hugging me, and saying over and over again “I’m going to miss you. so much” Every time I would try to walk back to my car and let him go on his way, he would just keep pulling me back in and hugging me and crying and saying the same thing. It really confused me. I was super heartbroken because he was my high school sweetheart and my first love. We had gone through so many great changes together, from entering university and what not, and he really helped shape me into who I am today. Since then I have implemented no contact. Today I am on day 14. But I have no idea what to do. Is it even worth trying to get him back? To me it seems like he doesn’t really need me anymore. But in my heart I know I genuinely want to make things work.

    Reply
  2. Annie - 0

    Annie

    I think my ex dumped me to experience other women as you say. He only had one gf before me which was for 2 years in college and we were seeing each other for 5 years. Now he dumped me right before I’m turning 30 saying we both have “better options”. I knew this was bound to happen and the only way he will end up with me for good is when he can’t find better. He would tell me I have everything a guy could want, pretty, successful, he even called me a catch during the break up talk! It’s frustrating that I wasted so much time already and now it may take years and being with other girls for him to realize what he had. I guess it’s true you will never be good enough for a man who isn’t ready. He’s very emotionally immature. I still don’t see myself happy with anyone else and it’s frustrating knowing I can’t speed up the process. Even if I use your methods to get him back quickly he will still feel he didn’t get a chance to experience other women. He’s not even a player though only been with two girls by the age of 30. I blame society for making guys feel they can’t settle down until they have so many experiences first. Guys take longer to become successful these days and in turn take longer to start playing the field before settling down. No wonder so many men don’t even settle down by 40!

    Reply
  3. Amy - 0

    Amy

    When he came back he said he missed me and said if I am single and I said I am and he said he wants to try again and then I did all the mistakes in the book and don’t know how to reverse all these mistakes!
    And now he is clearly backing off and seems like all my chances have minimized a great deal! What should I do!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How many times have you done nc?

    • Amy - 0

      Amy

      When we first broke up, I was already planning on breaking up with him that’s why I gave him ultimatums to clean his act and told him I need a break from stuff and when I went back, he said that we should break up and that’s it’s not working and I was totally all right with it and told him to block me and he didn’t so I went ahead and blocked him for several months and before the NC period could be completed! I just didn’t want to get back with him anymore but after some more time, I still wanted him but thought it completely impossible so didn’t even thought of trying that’s why so many months passed although I still had feelings for him! Then I just wanted to wish him birthday because I was curious about him! He was cold and distant with me so I exchange mainly some texts with him after 4 months!
      Then after a month, he texted me out of the blue when I was just getting on with my life and talked in a pleasant and positive manner with me and it was like old times when we were really best friends too and then he said he will talk to me and then contacted me after a week and then it was constant contact but I should have left all the conversation before him and I should have left him wanting more but I didn’t do that and even had some little spats with him after some weeks and I got invested in him again and thats how all these NC periods got so prolonged!
      Now he is extremely distant and I am in no contact as you advised!
      I had improved alot but I suffer from depression so when I had a relapse, I went back to old habits! He was very caring during those moments and now he doesn’t seem to care at all!

  4. Valerie - 0

    Valerie

    Hi guys,
    I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. I’m thinking this happened because, while we used to spend virtually all of our time together, he changed schools and suddenly it became hard for us to find enough time together. This was long distance by the way. I definitely was too “clingy” when it came to spending time together, and he was not communicating the issues he was having until the very end, where I did not even fathom that it might end our relationship. Buuuut he did. He seemed really upset but said it was for the best and that he couldn’t give me what I needed in a relationship. I tried 1.5 months of no contact, then I messaged him and we talked about non-relationship stuff. I tried to contact him again but he avoided talking. I am at a complete loss for what to do at this point.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How much did you improve during nc and how active were you in posting? What were the topics you used in talking to him?

  5. Tanisha - 0

    Tanisha

    So I (23 Y/o) have just come out of a relationship with my boyfriend (21 turning 22) of 6 months we had known each other for 3 years before that and were friendly. He actually initiated our relationship after he liked me for 3 years on and off. I know it was a short relationship but we were extremely close, he practically lived with me while we were finishing uni, we turned into best friends and we wanted to experience new things together. So last week after months of telling me to move in with him after uni, to attend his cousins wedding, to meet the family (which I did on numerous occasions) for him to meet mine, to be put on his car insurance he told me he wanted to break up because he didn’t want to commit and knew I wanted a long term relationship. It also turns out that he thinks he might like some girl from work because she makes him happy and is fun to be around and is a good cook and we had been arguing recently as I had been away for a week. He says he loves me and likes me more but says he thinks she doesn’t want a commitment either and he just wants to give it a try and see what happens, she is leaving to go back to Poland at the end of May but will return late August early September. He also says he sees a future with me but doesn’t want a future right now. This girl found out we broke up last week when he told her and over the weekend she broke up with her bf of 4 years. They are going to a horse racing event alone something that really hits home since that was our first date and he told me he wouldn’t just go with anyone, he also spent 3 -4 hours driving to pick this girl up from the airport regularly since she is from Poland and goes home every other weekend. They work together and have begun spending a lot of time together. It really hurts because I was skeptical of getting with him and he showed me throughout how I shouldn’t be but now I feel like I never really knew him. Help, I know I am young and everyone says I have my whole life ahead of me but I don’t see why that matters. What should I do? I’m scared if i apply the NC rule it will just push him further into her because we live in opposite areas, and he sees this girl everyday and spends evenings with her.

    Reply
  6. Lola - 0

    Lola

    Me and my bf have been together for a year and almost two months. For the longest time he was obsessed with me and so good to me. He brought me flowers every week and always put me as his first priority. He sent me long sweet messages and wrote me poems and talked about marriage. He was head over heels. Well back in January we went on a three day vacation and became even closer. But I changed when we got back. I lost feelings for him and told him I was bored and no longer felt the spark. I even went as far as making him flirt with other girls to make me jealous because I read that makes you want someone more. I broke his heart into. But after a few weeks I fell deeply back in love. Only to find that he wasn’t the same. He became selfish, he spent more time with friends than me, I can’t remember the last time he brought me flowers, he says he hates talking on the phone when I ask why he never calls. And it’s stuff like that that made me feel so insecure and constantly question him about how he feels for me. I’ve become so clingy and emotionally needy. I worry all the time. I always try to talk about us with him and he’s become so distant. So finally last night I said I needed a break and he agreed so fast. I said something else and he said “I’m not talking about it right now” and I haven’t heard from him since. He didn’t even try to set guidelines for the break and discuss it first I feel like I’ve been shoved underwater before I got the chance to take a breath. I’m so lost. Is there any hope at all?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you mean you’re doing the no contact rule right? If you are, focus on that first. Make the most of it in healing and improving yourself.

  7. Rachel - 0

    Rachel

    I found out this guy I never even considered to have a relationship with really liked me through one of his friends. He would message me before I found this out and I never really pursued him until two months later I realized I was attracted to him . I heard from one of his friends he was looking for a relationship so that was a good sign to know he was not using me. We started talking and hanging out a few times for a month. The problem is, we are both studying abroad in a couple of months so it was really bad timing, but it did not stop me from wanting to get to know him better even though I knew it would not turn into anything too serious anytime soon. During the last week of us getting really close, he started avoiding me completely. No more texts or calls. One week later, the night of his birthday, I saw him at a party. I went up to him and wished him a happy birthday and one thing led to another and we started kissing at the party. I mentioned to him saying how he was avoiding me and he said “he was busy from finals” … As we were kissing, he said to me “I don’t want a relationship” ….I looked at him and replied, “I obviously know that. The semester ends in three days and we are both studying abroad in different countries” After I said that we started kissing again. That was the last time I heard from. Side note, at the party two of his friends came up to me and said how much they have heard about me. This was news to me since he was avoiding me for a week…. Moreover, when I got to the place I’m studying abroad (I know this may sound stupid) but he stopped liking all of my photos on social media. Even after we stopped talking, he would like my photos… UNTIL, about a week ago he liked a photo out of the blue and he reached out to me briefly messaging me about something, three days before he leaves for his country he is studying abroad at. My question is, do you think the reason why he stopped talking to me was because I was relationship material and he was getting too attached or he just lost interest? But why would he reach out to me randomly right before he leaves when I haven’t heard from him in so long? Also, why is he avoiding all of my photos when he used to like all of them? I know it may sound dumb but welcome to the 21st century and social media. Please respond.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel,

      he probably avoided you because of the impending distance.. Even if he liked you, he might have thought it’s hard to maintain a long distance relationship.

  8. Jackie - 0

    Jackie

    My ex and I split up up after dating 7 years on and off we were very young grade school when we met love at first site a lot of things happened in our relationship finally my mom kicked me out of the house I was terrified so I asked him to come live with me. We lived together for about a year had loads of fun he met someone else thru a friends gf and we broke up he left i was devastated. He went his way I went mine I moved away for 2 years met a man and married him. So 6 years ago I found him on FB and he wants me back I am already married all those feeling of love and the really good times we had we never fought not even once we are really good together Soul mates we know each other better then anyone knows either of us I am so torn I want him back too I am terrified he came here at Christmas time to see me it was so comfortable like we had never been apart the conversation flowed as well as the tears. I am not even sure he is being truthful even tho he has said he has never lied to me or held anything back I really want to be able to trust him.I have an AMAZING husband but there is still something there between the ex and I.Weare 46 and 48 now and life is so short I am confused as to what to do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jackie,

      is it really love or it’s just the feeling of being in love with him?

  9. Katie - 0

    Katie

    Hello. I was dating my ex for 1.5 years. We went to Mexico for the new year and had a great time. When we got home I had to spend more time at my place and we both had school and I’m not the biggest fan of his friend/roommate so we just did our thing. We went out in weekends, to a nice dinner and even tried new things in the bed room. The following week I asked if I could take him out and we went out to dinner. We discussed that we’re content with everything we own for our birthday and how we should just do dinner on Valentine’s Day. The next day I got a text that said he was tired of me telling him everything I want and he’s not made of money. I got upset/mad and only short responded to him for the next two days. On Thursday I made a bad choice and kinda just let him know how mad I was over text and how he never comes over so I’m.
    Not going over there anymore. He didn’t respond and the next day I came home to all my stuff from his place in my room. I went over there crying that night and he just kept telling me to go home and maybe he miss understood the argument (thought I was breaking up with him). He said at minimum we need a break. The next morning I called him to know what was happening and he said he wanted to break up. He was freaked out about how I would move in (I re assured him that i though we both knew that that wasn’t ideal this year) and he didn’t see me in his future. Shocked all I said was okay. And that’s about it.
    That was Saturday feb 4 I planned on messaging him on his birthday march 2, and after an intro asking to take him out for a drink or dinner,
    Help?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Katie,

      Are you talking right now? I’m not sure taking him out right away after a break would be the best, since the latest argument is connected to spending money right?

  10. Christine - 0

    Christine

    I have been dating this guy for about 3.5 months, things seemed to be going really well…he met my parents without me being around, took care of me when I was sick, we spent lots of time together, etc. He was definitely the pursuer in this relationship and her would say things like, if we make it to that stage or when there…, naturally i got attached. Work started getting crazy for him and he would tell me about how much he hated his job and needed to find something else along with the financial issues he was having as a result. After a great weekend of spending time together recently I was blindsided by a period of limited contact (when i asked if he was ok, he said he promises he was just has a lot on his plate and on his mind). The rest of the week i got the usual “have a good day/good night” messages, but nothing in between and I noticed he posted a quote on social media “the only thing true in this corrupt world is love” and deleted it the next day…this was the last day i heard from him. I finally reached out 3 days later and told him it was ok to talk to me about his issues and I will just listen. 3 hours later i got a break up text…without warning (i swear everything seemed fine up until this point) telling me that “he has too much on his plate and he just doesn’t think it is going to work between us…he’s tried and tried to make himself want it, but can’t. He doesn’t want to lose me and i have been there more than anyone ever has, he wants to keep me but can’t force something and resent me later.”
    I was so shocked that i asked what i cold do to fix things and he just kept repeating he doesn’t wan to lose me but can’t do this.
    I really care about this guy and want so badly to work things out. I know he is dealing with so much and i think he has some depression going on.
    Do i have a chance of getting him back and what steps do i need to take?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Christine,
      if he’s just overwhelmed, I think there is a chance..do you want to try the advice above?

  11. Andrea - 0

    Andrea

    Hi Amor, so my ex broke up with me because he wanted to see if he misses me when I’m out of his life and doesn’t know what he wants. He also repeated how I should move on and if I meet someone go for it, he repeated this a few times. How he didn’t want to hold me back. Does that mean that he has no inclination of getting back together? I’m doing 45 days NC and at day 23.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Andrea,

      yes, but it can also be out annoyance..

    • Andrea - 0

      Andrea

      Do I even have a chance of getting back together with him? Thank you.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s small if you dont improve yourself. As he said he wants you to move on. So the higher chance of getting him back is if he’s convinced you’re moving on and he sees you’re improving, which can make him regret not being with you

    • Andrea - 0

      Andrea

      Thank you, Amor. I have improved myself a lot this last month, except I keep thinking about him. Should I extend my NC time period?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think 45 days is enough, just make the most out of what’s left

  12. Sari - 0

    Sari

    Hi,
    What if before 30 days no contacts, he text me or call me first? Remembering he owe me some money and he pay me by monthly and he used to send me a screenshoot.
    What should I say to him if he does? Just say thanks and continue 30 days no contacts, or I just read his message without say a word?
    Please help me, I just broke up with him last Wednesday and really want him to come back.

    Reply
  13. Char - 0

    Char

    Hey,

    Jan 10th 2017.

    My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me before Christmas and it was the hardest thing I have ever been through. We had some time apart and learnt a lot about each others mistakes. During this break time he was messaging a girl from his work who likes him and is very forward. We have since reconciled, deciding we love each other and want to be together, but he is still messaging this girl, saying he will ‘sort it out’ and that he is ‘just being friendly’. How do I deal with this? Everything is so new and fragile again and I don’t want to come off being bossy and controlling? I have said I trust him but I want it to be clear she will not be in the picture.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Char,

      set a time on until when you would let him do that and then talk to him at that time if he’s still talking to him.

  14. Jing - 0

    Jing

    Hey my ex broke up with me 2 days ago saying that we’re not compatible. However, before our final parting, he held me close kissed me touched and didn’t want me to leave. I was the one who told him I had to leave because I don’t see a point in dragging it on if he’s not going to changing his mind. At the end I told him if he does change his mind in the next week he can text me. Should I text him at the very end of the next week or should I do no contact right away ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jing,

      if he doesn’t text, that means he didn’t change his mind..then that’s when you do nc

  15. Jay - 0

    Jay

    Hi,
    My partner of 4 1/2 yrs and I were doing well before but due to environmental factors, were forced to be in a long distance relationship since Jan of this year. 4 months ago, we started having more frequent arguments due of which I sensed he was having somebody on the side. Communication became infrequent. 3 months ago, he went MIA for 3 weeks and I found out he was flirting with someone at work. Broke up with him thru e-mail, got back together after 3 days (didn’t plead but told him how I still loved him), everything went ok. 2 months ago, he started the same communication problem, heard rumors about him having women on the side. I went back home for a vacation but worked on the side (still on LDR) to keep my mind busy. Plan was for him to be spend his vacation with me but that changed the day he was supposed to have arrived. Got an e-mail that he decided to go home to clear his thoughts. I told him he doesn’t know what he wants in life so this would be good plus it would also help me think about things. Did NC since then. A few days ago (exactly a month of NC) got an e-mail from him that we should both move on as I was right about being apart making people grow apart and that he hopes I would understand. Didn’t reply as I didn’t feel it was right to reply with emotions. Still doing NC and I don’t know if there still is a chance for us. I’m slowly trying to move on with my life and improving myself. However, the pain of what he did sometimes still dampens everything — especially when I start being hopeful that someone is out there meant for me. He hasn’t attempted any contact after that e-mail either. I’m thinking the reason he maneuvered all these things to happen is because he already has been seeing someone else even before we broke up — which explains the lack of communication and rumors. The dumb part of me is still half hoping though. Does anyone think he will in the future?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jay,

      You’re probably right. He just used the one month nc as excuse.. It’s more likely that he did cheat.. its like a grass is greener case.. check the link below.. But right now, even if you’re still in nc, how much did you improve?

      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  16. chasha - 0

    chasha

    my boyfriend and me we were so happy…because of my past experiences guys who never loved me for real i expected more love from him…his ex girlfriend cheated him with other guy and this he came to know when we were in relation.he loved me for 5years.after that he fell in love with another girl(his ex).but she left him.after that i realized his love on me and i said ok.but now he brokeup saying i always cry im over expecting and his ex cheated him.he thinks that he cant satisfy me.i know he loves me.but he dont want to love anyone.none his friends nor my friends are happy with his decision.because they know about his love.will he come back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Chasha,

      Sorry, I don’t understand. Please correct me if I’m wrong. You were together for 5 years, during that 5 years he found out his ex cheated on him, and then after 5 years he loved another girl? But he broke up with you because you’re clingy? When did you actually break up?

  17. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Hello, so my ex of 3 1/2 years broke up with me for the fourth time about 20 days ago. We have been on an off in those three years, due to trust issues of mine, because of his lying here an there. No cheating at all but when we do argue, I do have a bad temper and things escalate quickly and he shuts down and doesn’t want to talk about anything or communicate at all. He is 30 and I am 24. We have been on for about a year, which was an awesome year for us. We traveled to many countries and states, do all the same sports together and just have everything in common. I also recently adopted a dog for us as well which he now has. Anyways, he broke up with me the same was as always, we have a heated arguement, he doesn’t want to talk about it, i don’t want to leave bc I want to get through the conflict, he makes me leave. I left him alone for a weekend. Let things cool off and tried to reach out to discuss what happened. He sends a text saying he doesn’t want to be with me and that we are unhealthy, and that I am never going to change, and that I showed him what he doesn’t want in his future. Blah blah. So I left him alone, was going to start no contact, which I have done every time and so far it has worked wonders on him… But I saw him add all these girls he used to talk to on his Instagram and Facebook. Which I think he did to be spiteful bc we did exchange some harsh words the night of the arguement.. Which by the way was bc I caught him lying again. Even if their small lies I just don’t understand why he can’t be honest. To when I find out something like that I feel that he hasn’t changed, so how am I supposed to grow and better myself if he is Doing things he knows may cause me to get upset. Every time we break up, I go straight nc, I never break nc ever. I’m pretty stubborn about it. Anyways, this time two days after the break up I saw him adding these old tinder girls back online that he used to talk to during our last break up, and I bugged out and he blocked me from everything and told me to leave him the f alone. So I stopped talking to him. He’s been going out a lot to bars with friends as I see they always post pictures of him at bars, which he never likes going to bars bc he feels he’s too mature for those younger places.. Every time I go no contact for roughly a month, he eventually starts to come back. Last time I didn’t bug, he messaged me for two weeks, begging for me back. Made me a scrap book, tried to take my parents out for dinner, tried to see me in places I would go, just all around being more crazy then I have ever been about getting him back. So eventually after he cried saying he wanted five minutes of my time after he knows he messed up, I left him speak, he said all those girls are just a distraction, he tries to move on and keep busy. He really doesn’t have that many friends.. And that’s the truth so I can see why he would talk to so many random people who give him attention. He said he didn’t want to lose his best friend, he wants to get engage in Italy where I want to be proposed, he wants to be apart of my family and have children with me one day. He said he would go to therapy wth me and do whatever it takes. Which we did go to therapy. For most of that year he had improved a lot. And so did I. But every now and then he would slip up, and I did as well with my temper. So here we are he’s back to dropping me and cutting me off. I’m 22 days nc. I’m also leaving for Thailand tomorrow for an entire month.. Which I’m pretty sure he should remember that I was going on Sunday.. Also our dogs first birthday is on Tuesday which was very important to me and I was actually going to go to Thailand late just to be there for that and Halloween. I know this is a cycle, and not a good one. Every year for the past three years he has left me in the last week of September.. I think I was getting a little nervous and anxious and I even discussed that wth him before this break up that I felt uneasy and worried. He told me he thought about breaking up but he’s not going to bc he loves me. Then sure enough we have a fight and he makes these emotional rash decisions to leave when things get a little rocky. One time he came back after three months.. That was our worst break up. He was seeing a girl, and I had pretty much moved on.. He then broke up wth her and contacted my family to see if it would be appropriate to reach out to me. We rekindled and were great. Second time it took him about a month I think. And then some time in between we broke up for a week. It was a petty fight. And the last time he came back in 34 days but I didn’t take him back for a little while bc I wanted him to know I was hurt. I am of course worried he will find someone else, or that he will try to be wth those old girls or exs. I’m also worried he’s scared to reach out bc I barely took him back last time, and or maybe he thinks I won’t change. I have been working on me since I realized my anger problem. I have been doing it for me the whole time. I am young and am growing and maturing. I have potential to better myself. And he knows that. He just loses patience. I’m sure my chances are lower because it’s been so many times, sometimes I feel my chances are higher because it has been a cycle. But either way, I’m wondering how do I get him to want to be with me, and stay with me. He fully commits when we do get back together everytime but I don’t want things to slowly fall apart. Is the no contact going to even work at this point since its been done before years ago. I know he needs space any way to cool off. But once again he is taking he same actions to block me and talk to other people until he realizes he doesn’t want to be with out his best friend. At least that’s what he told me. I want to be with him, but I’m afraid taking him back each time will only make him think I will every time. And that is not fair to me to be taken advantage of.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Jane,

      You need to think about that during nc.. think about until when you want to give him chance

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Okay. Do you think he will even come back? A lot of people say they always do.. But in my case, because he has done this a lot, do you think the chance is still there that he will? I am nervous this trip to Thailand will hurt my chances for some reason. Thank you for responding!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      with on and off chances there is a higher chance that he will go back..the question is, will the cycle change..

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      Hi Jane, I hope you don’t mind me contacting you. I’ve just read your situation and it is similar to mine with the way you are about trust and him lying. I was with my guy a year and he dumped me for the first time two weeks ago. I only managed NC for 5 days then I broke and messaged him. I was just wondering how long it took your ex to come back to you the first time he dumped you and how you did it? Its obvious that my ex is still blaming me and feels like the victim but I want him to start realising how good we were together and miss me!… You sound like you are a lot stronger than me!

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Hi Debbie! The first time he left me three years ago it was for about 3 months, and he was seeing someone else at the time. The then the second time he came back in a week, third time he took 34 days, and this time who knows . Each time was just as hard. But once I got through the first two weeks, I literally told myself that it takes two to break it and we were both at fault. Also I did beg for him back the first time and didn’t leave him alone and all that did was annoy him and turn him off and make him take longer to miss me and have his own thoughts gathered. It was hard, I cried all the time, slept all day, but then I started to keep busy, I went out a lot, even just drove around town just to get out and clear my head. I started doing yoga, I started going to my mma classes a whole lot more and made myself too busy to worry. Also I thought to myself if it’s meant to be he will come back. And if he finds someone else, maybe that person will make him miss me.. And it did both times.. Or maybe he’s not ready to settle and left and came back. Who knows. But I’m not as naive now and I had the ball in my court the last time and made him beg me. You have to stay strong. Just remember the more you break Nc the less chance it’s going to work. You are prolonging the missing eachother part, and you don’t want him to feel like he made the right decision bc you won’t leave him alone. I’m having a hard time now only because I’m thinking oh maybe he’ll be back bc he always comes back, but then I’m like oh don’t get your hopes up bc maybe he won’t this time bc we have tried so many times, and I know he is talking to an ex and some girls from dating sites. Just keep busy, keep your head up. The world doesn’t stop spinning for anyone.. So don’t stop living your life and being happy. I have been telling myself lately, I don’t want to be with someone who makes me feel like I’m hard to love. Be confident that you are a good catch and that they are missing out. They will soon realize.

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Thank you for responding Amor! I aopreciate it. Should I just stay in no contact until he reaches out then? I’m not going to lie I am pretty upset and feel I would feel stupid to try and talk to him after he won’t let me see our dog on his birthday today, and for adding all those girls, I feel like I would be a fool to reach out and try to be civil. I just don’t want him to think this is acceptable for him to do and tha I will forgive that. I know it’s not a game, but I’m not ready to give in and speak to him since he made this choice. Also do what do you think it means when he’s posting so many pics of social media and adding so many people. Girls and guys? Is he bored, seriously interested? Or actually getting on with his life? Or trying to put up a front because he still has all my friends and family on there.. Also he still has all our photos on his Instagram. Usually he deletes that stuff right away.. I know there are no mind readers, but I’m wondering if he is playing a little game here

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome! Yeah, he’s probably bored but that can also mean he’s trying to find another person to talk to, make new friends to have fun with.. which is something you should actually do but in a more healthy way… like in volunteering or in the new things that you are doing. If you want to extend no contact, that’s ok.. I actually think you should, because it looks like you need more time for yourself to heal and improve..

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      Hi Jane, thanks for the reply. I just wanted to ask though…..has he come back to you all the times or have you initiated contact? I’m just worried because he is an older guy, very stuck in his ways and VERY stubborn! I’m not painting him out to be something he’s not but this was 100% my fault. I just want him to remember how good we were and at the moment he is burying his head in the sand. I was NC for 4 days and when I did contact him again he was quite receptive. He just wasn’t initiating contact with me

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      I agree with you as well. I’m in Thailand now with a friend for a month and enjoying my time here. I definitely will extend no contact. But how long should I let it go on for. He is very stubborn so I feel he may be playing a game. He always tries to find new people to talk to and ends up coming back.. Hopefully he doesn’t find someone to fulfill him more then me. Do you think he will come around? Or should I eventually reach out first?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      maybe another two weeks? Let’s hope he does, especially if he sees that you’re really moving on..

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Debbie,
      I never contacted him at all during all or break ups. He is very stubborn as well and set in his ways too. I never gave in ever, not for a holiday or a birthday. And even when he did message me, I didn’t respond for at least a week sometimes. I made him wait and regret giving me the silent treatment. Only thing is, none of my break ups were totally my fault. I mean he says he broke up with me because I got nasty and fought with him, but the reason for that was because I caught him lying or doing stupid shit that made me mad. And he realized, don’t do stupid crap and she won’t get mad. Lol so idk how your situation would be but in my opinion not contacting him is the best option because if it was your fault then give him time to cool off clear his head and or get over what has happened.

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Okay. Two weeks seems so soon to me. We have gone like this for almost three months once before. I don’t even know what I would say to him after all this time, and after what he has done. Apart of me feels he doesn’t deserve for me to reach out after what he did to me…

  18. Irene - 0

    Irene

    Hi
    Suppose I post a picture on facebook having a fun time party with some girls and guys. What if my ex thinks that I have moved on and that he should move on too. i.e. what if my ex doesn’t even take a single effort to get me back since he was the one who broke up with me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Irene

      even if you did the no contact rule and now that it’s your second, it will not be that effective if you were not actively improving yourself and being active in social media too..like that, yes you have to post that because it would be better that he thinks you’re moving on instead of him thinking that you’re still waiting for him

    • Lynn - 0

      Lynn

      Jane, what ended up happening!!?
      Your story is somewhat similar to mine

  19. Michaela - 0

    Michaela

    Me and my ex have been together off and on for 2 years. He always seems to leave me for another girl. This last time he said he’s done and he’s never coming back.. we have a child together too. I want to make things work because I do love him and we are so alike and we were best friends. Do you think we will ever be happy or get back together? I don’t know if I put too much stress on him because he has to take care of his little siblings like they are his own and then I get mad at him for not helping me with our child? Everyone loved us together. My family loved him and his family loved me. Now it just seems like he is done for good but I don’t want to be. He has a new girlfriend now. They started dating a couple days after we broke up. Idk if he is happy or not. We don’t talk anymore. If we do its that he wants to see his son. And that’s it. We had gotten into a big fight when we broke up this last time. What do you think?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Michaela,

      You need to listen to this.
      EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      Well I have an update…….Unfortunately I broke NC yesterday after 5 days!……I rang him about a birthday present I’d given him. It was a voucher for a day out and I wasn’t sure if he had it or I did. Anyway, we texted all afternoon and the convo was good. I threw in a few nice messages about fun times we’d had. He told me he was trying not to think about what had happened between us, which I was slightly concerned about at first, that he wasn’t moving on and this hadn’t been easy for either of us. When I asked about the relationship he said that we are both “have wounds that haven’t stopped bleeding” When I mentioned him moving on he threw the fact I had been out for lunch with my male friend last week….but then said….its not an issue…..you are welcome to do what you want with your mates, i’ve never got arsey.
      I called him this morning and we had a really nice chat for 45 minutes. We didn’t talk about the relationship. He was very chatty and it was me who eventually said I had to go because I had things to do and he told me to have a nice day…..as though he was expecting me to keep in touch. I’m not sure what I should do now. I though maybe go NC for another few days then speak again. I don’t know if I’m just being optimistic but he seems to be coming round….maybe he just needs the few days space. What do you think I should do? He has never ignored my texts or calls and has never told me to leave him alone. I’m not “bombarding him” with texts or calls and I’m keeping things very light and friendly.

  20. Michaela - 0

    Michaela

    My ex boyfriend and I have been off and on for the last 2 years. He is a couple years younger than me. We also have a baby together. He has broke up with me 4 times now and always has a new girlfriend within a week if us breaking up. When he comes back to me we seem to be doing great. But then he goes to school… and we break up again… does he just need to mature? We were like best friends! And we had so much in common. Everyone loved us together. But he lives with his mom and 3 small siblings. Idk if it could be stress in him doing everything for his siblings and me getting mad at him for not helping me with our son puts too much stress on him or what? Idk. I really thought he was the one. But this time seems different. He told me he is done and he is never coming back. I miss not only my best friend but the relationship we had. We first met each other as a one night stand but then we realized how much we had in common. When we broke up this last time he also said we based everything off of sex….. but I didn’t think it was true. His family lives me and my family loves him. He thought of my dad like his own dad. It just breaks my heart… I really want us to work out.

    Reply
  21. Michaela - 0

    Michaela

    Me and my ex have been together off and on for 2 years. He always seems to leave me for another girl. This last time he said he’s done and he’s never coming back.. we have a child together too. I want to make things work because I do love him and we are so alike and we were best friends. Do you think we will ever be happy or get back together?

    Reply
  22. Debbie - 0

    Debbie

    Hi, My boyfriend of 1 year just broke up with me. We were friends for 2 years before we became lovers. He broke up with my because of my trust issues. I have been in a number of untrusting, abusive relationships before. When we were together we NEVER argued but when we were apart I occasionally had problems trusting him and there were isolated incidents. 4 weeks ago I got it in my head he was seeing my friend and started to accuse him. He came up to mine and we talked and agreed to try. Then it started again. He came up again and we talked. He said he could not imagine his life without me, he loved me and I was everything he wanted but the trust issue was breaking him and he wasn’t the man he’d been 4 wks earlier. He said that there was a small part of him that wanted to keep trying at us and that he wanted space. When I said I would give it him and not make any contact he said he wanted to keep in touch but not see each other, so I did and things were ok until 4 days ago I made another comment about my friend and him and he dumped me. He said he’d had enough of relationships and didn’t care if he grew old alone and was sick of having to defend himself re the trust. He suffers with depression and is very emotional and closes off when he is like that. He sees everything as emotional confrontation. I have been trying to make him see/remember how good we were together and get him back but he will not change his mind and says my behaviour will not change. (he’s stubborn too). He should have met up with me 2 days ago so we could end it face to face but he said he couldn’t because it was all making him feel ill so I went down to his work last night with some of his belongings. He was shocked and actually looked scared of me but we talked. Although I was really upset I put on a brave smiley face so that he was ok. He was in tears and clearly upset. he kissed me on the cheek when he got off the train. I had written him a nice letter and he messaged me to say thank you and he knew how hard it would have been for me to see him and he appreciated it. He also said, like he has done a number of times, that he had NEVER cheated on me or betrayed me and he wanted me to believe that. The messages ended with me saying night night and him replying and also saying night night. I know he still loves me, fancies me and has feelings for me. I just think his head is all over the place at the moment. If I do the no contact rule do you think there is any chance I can get him back? and how should I make contact with him again?

    Reply
    • Debbie - 0
    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      Just to add, when he dumped me I referred him back to two weeks earlier when he was at my house and he told me he really loved me and couldn’t imagine his life without me in it and that I am everything he could ever want, but he felt numb and wanted to sort his head and feelings out. We continued to talk through the two weeks though and he didn’t get his space. Then when he dumped me he said he had asked me for space and I hadn’t given it to him. He also said that I would never change and he didn’t want to get back together then my mistrust of him reappear a few weeks down the line. I asked about being friends and he said that eventually we could be and we could speak occasionally but he didn’t want to give me mixed signals that we could get back together. I asked him if he loved me and he said that he doesn’t know how he feels anymore and that my mistrust has gutted him, stressed him out and made him feel ill. He also said that he’s sick and tired of relationships, he wants to be on his own, not worry about trust, and if he could pack a bag and go away fro a month he would.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Debbie,

      So, bottomline he’s really tired of defending of himself. It’s not a guarantee that the no contact rule will work but if he needs space then take that opportunity to start a 30 day period of no contact and change.. Start improving yourself. You won’t be totally changed after 30 days.. That’s impossible but it’s start. Have therapy, make a new routine, join classes or volunteer and make new friends, have a makeover.. and then after 30 initiate contact.. slowly rebuild rapport with him

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      Thanks, I’m not sure how I should initiate contact with him again after the NC. He might thinks its strange i’ve made contact again and become suspicious of my intentions.

      I really love him and I know he loves me. I’m so frustrated and finding it so hard not to contact him. I don’t want him to move on in the next 30 days.

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      I find it really hard to understand how in just over a week he has gone from really loving me(in his words) and not being able to imagine his life without me….to this?!!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you cant control how he feels.. you can only control yourself..your best option is not to chase him and to focus in improving yourself..that way, once you initiate contact, it wont be that awkward.. he has to think you’re just being friendly and not out there to try it again.. check this for a first contact text:
      EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      Ok I’ll try it. Is he likely to be missing me?…He is a 50 year old man who has two grown up daughters and lives with one of them and her partner, only has a few friends who he never sees and doesn’t really go out socialising. I am 10 years younger than him with my own house and do like socialising. I have been friends for 12 years with a guy who I was in a VERY brief relationship with 11 years ago. My ex is a bit jealous of this male friend, although he has never met him. I met my friend for lunch last week before I met my ex with his belongings (the last time I spoke to him) I told him I had spoken to my friend and he had thought it was a good idea I take my ex his property back. My ex didn’t say anything at the time but now I’m wondering if he thought I was moving on with my friend (would NEVER happen) I’m hoping that wont stop my ex getting in contact with me

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s ok as long as you dont post something thay really indicates you’ve moved on to your friend…

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      I would just like to add that it would seem he doesn’t contact me until I contact him….then he replies. Is he just being polite by replying and answering my calls? surely if he was missing me he would initiate contact?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      more likely, yes, he’s just being polite but if you kept doing nc, it would have less effect..So, instead of restarting it evertime you break it, just continue talking it for now

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      Ok, will do. Thanks
      We have been messaging for the last 3 days. (I’ve been messaging him and he’s been replying) but the conversation has been good. He keeps telling me to look after myself and don’t beat myself up about what happened with us. He also keeps saying that he hopes I am having a nice weekend. I went to a hen do last night, which I told him about in conversation 3 days ago. When we were messaging yesterday he mentioned the hen do in 2 messages and said he hoped I had a nice time. I think that the hen do, like my male friend last week is playing on his mind. I’ve decided not to contact him now for a few days and let him wonder about the hen do and if I’d met someone else…..Do you think this is a good plan??

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      I have just had a text conversation with him about our relationship….
      I have applied for another job in a town quite far away. When I told him he replied within minutes and asked about it and if it was still the job we both do now. and what it was…I told him a little about it but not too much. He then said “I hope it all goes well. I mean that” I asked him what he meant by that and he just said it was an expression. We got talking about the relationship and I asked how he could just throw it all away. He then came back and said I had a nerve and I hadn’t got a clue how he feels and that I was trying to act like the victim in all this. I told him I had loved him but he wasn’t interested and he replied by saying he had been interested but he just couldn’t take anymore and I couldn’t see that. I asked him what he meant and he said the accusations had got horrendous for him and he knew the relationship hadn’t always been like that but recently it was awful. I feel that he does still care about/love me but he is still hurt by the last two weeks of our relationship and he actually thinks he is a victim. How long should I give him to come round? We are still on talking terms so I don’t want to do NC for too long. What do you think?… Shall I just leave it now for a week? I want to prove to him I can change re my insecurities and I know we can be happy again.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Realistically, one week is not enough to show you have changed.. it will take time..I dont know how long for sure but what’s good is that it depends in you.. That’s your responsibility and if you genuinely change, no words nor convincing is needed because it will show.. In fact, if you really changed, you wouldnt try to convince him..you’ll just have fun and if it doesnt work out you’ll move on because you known you’ve done what you can and it’s not your fault anymore if he still thinks the same way..

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      So now everything has changed again!
      When we first split I didn’t contact him for 5 days. When I broke NC he was quite receptive and we were getting on well. T more we talked the more it turned into a game of who had hurt who the most(he keeps bringing up my friend w ho I have known for 12 years and had a 6 week relationship with 12 years ago. He was asking me why I never told him about it, then he seemed peeved that I went for lunch with him last week. when I asked him why he wa so cold towards me he said “change that word to numb” and that the last few weeks of our relationship had made him feel numb. Do you think I s should start the again for a few weeks? In a text conversation with him yesterday he said he thought that contact constantly is not a good thing for either of us

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      Hi Amor

      So things have got even worse in the last few days. I made the mistake of texting/calling him too much. The more I texted and called and the less he replied. It got to the point last night where he told me he didn’t want to be in contact with me anymore. I then did another stupid thing and accused him of seeing someone else…….again!….his last words were “I didn’t want ANY OF this” meaning he hadn’t wanted to break up but I wore him down after he had repeatedly begged me to believe he wasn’t cheating. I feel TERRIBLE now!…I feel like I have thrown away the best thing that ever happened to me and he will NEVER come back in case I hurt him again. I’m devastated. Up until 3 weeks ago there were no problems in our relationship. I’m such an idiot. I REALLY want him back.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      so, are you going for a full no contact again?

    • Ellie - 0

      Ellie

      Hi Anon…….Do you think I should do NC again??…At the moment I really don’t think he will come back to me because I have hurt him too much….why would he come back to someone who doesn’t trust him. In our last conversation he said “I want you to be happy, I want you to get over this trust issue for when you meet someone else…..which you undoubtedly will. Take care always…

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      Hi Amor…….Do you think I should do NC again??…At the moment I really don’t think he will come back to me because I have hurt him too much….why would he come back to someone who doesn’t trust him. In our last conversation he said “I want you to be happy, I want you to get over this trust issue for when you meet someone else…..which you undoubtedly will. Take care always…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      actually that means he just wants you to move on.. which is actually a better option because of the circumstances now but if you can’t do it, the least you can do is to do another no contact to help yourself really change and to help him think you’ve accepted his decision and decided to move on.. and that means you have to do at least 45 days too.. though doing repeated no contact period also decreases it’s chances of it working because it would like a pattern

  23. anon. - 0

    anon.

    Sorry if this is long….My ex, BF broke up with me a month before i turned 19. we dated for 11 months. Long story short, His mother had kept trying to convince him i was a terrible person and told him several lies about me, that he in returned believed. Even if he saw what happened and witnessed it with his very own eyes. he’d still convinced himself she was telling the truth. HE also had insecurities related to his masculinity. as if he wasn’t “A MAN” enough. Even though there was no question that he acted like a true male. He just didnt get drunk,smoke, do drugs, and sleep around with girls. He was EXTREAMLY selfless. he would jump on his bike and ride it about 10 to 15 miles for like 45 minutes to and hour just so he could see me because he couldn’t drive at the time. and sometimes did it day after day back and forth from his house to mine.Even in inclement weather, Picture a cloudy day, rain pooring down and a reasonbly fit guy petaling as hard and fast as he could down the highway just to get to me for over and hour, i would open my door just to find him standing there drenched as if he jumped into a pool with water dripping down his hair onto his face, shivering because he was freezing and a big smile on his face. I would welcome him in, dry him off,sit him down, wrap a thick quilt around him and give him something hot to drink.He would give me the shirt off his back if i needed it. he emptied his pocket for me, in which i never asked him too, most of the time it was to feed me(which ment alot to me because i was under weight and very hungry most of the time then) He’d come to my house and clean for me while i rested and smiled while he did it. this guys selflessness brought me to TEARS. and he never asked for sex ONCE. i would be so confused, and i would often ask him “why are you doing all this??!”and he wouldn’t simply say. “Because i Love you…” and would give me a big smile and stare at me, He even said(tough he never proposed) that seriously wanted to marry me and have a family together. His mom thought it was “cute” at first, but then as time kept going by she started slowly distancing herself from me, and then finally said to him “I don’t like her anymore” “why are you doing so much for her??” “you need to be free,you’re to young” then it escalated to her gossiping about me, then just straight up lying about something i did that i didn’t do. and he started believing her, and slowly started taking his love back. and while he did it, you could see the pain and confusion in his face. he had always been close to his mother…so i was losing. after constantly attacking me about things his mother had said about me, he finally left me. but still wanted to be “friends”.. and was still afraid of losing me for some reason, He even told me “i Ioved you to much…” which sounded like something his mother told him to say. when he broke up with me, i remember storming away in agony and disgust. and i could see his shadow still following after mine as if he was chasing me back down. just to turn around and see him standing there with that same troubled look like”wtf am i doing and whats going on..” i stayed friends with him for about 5months afterwards and we still kept getting into the same arguments like we were at the end of our relationship he came home one time from the service and begged to see me, his mother wanted to go Christmas shopping with him but he desired to see me instead. I remember him saying in his own words “she was not happy at all…” when he went back to see me. he kept saying “i miss you, i miss you, i missed you!” we ended up “making out” furiously just for us to still remain friends. i finally put my foot down and said “you keep saying you want us to be just friends, but you wanna act different when you see me after a long time. this will not be happening again. after one last argument, i told him i was leaving him for good this time, at least for a year and a half. he begged not for me to cut communications and said “but what if you don’t ever come back?..” but i did anyways. he tried to contact me through text a few times and i ignored him, he tried to reach me through my family and i told them “no” . fast forward into the future its been 3 1/2 years.i am now 23, i never came back, never spoke a word to him. but, he has showed back up and now i have no idea what to do, im torn. he showed up like a random surprise. My Mother recently passed, and he popped up at her funereal, when we made eye contact you could feel the awkwardness. i thought “oh crap he actually heard and showed up” he had the same troubled look on his face and almost somewhat frightened at how i would react to almost 4 years of no contact, him showing up. after getting over the shock, i just gently stretched my arms out and smiled and motioned him to come and give me a hug, he took it with glee. He said “when i heard from your brother that your mom had died i literally broke down and cried…. i had to go to the funeral, so i took off work and i drove 6 hours to make sure i would be here.” i said “WHAT?? you drove 6 HOURS JUST TO COME TO MY MOMS FUNERAL???” and he said “It was the longest drive i have ever made but i had too!” since he’s in the service the only way i can see him taking off was he had to put it as “Death in the family”, in which his superiors gave him and extra day off work and i couldn’t help but think “theres that selflessness yet again…”. anyways, we talked, updated each other on some events that had happened over time. and which each conversation he kept interrupting it with. ” I missed you, i missed you, i missed you! i really REALLY MISS YOU” i thought “oh lawd the i miss you’s are still there.. now is not the time” we later met up at my house after the funeral and had to have the “talk” He continued the ” I missed you’s” and said” i had so many sleepless nights thinking about you, i just could never get over you” “i was wondering where you were and how you were doing” “i needed to talk to you..””i was afraid of how you would react if i came all the way up here to support your moms funeral..”” if you had dissed me, i would have just went to the cemetery and then just drive straight back home, and go back to work..” i admit that made me a bit sad…then he proceeded to say ” I LOVE YOU!…. i haven’t loved any other girl since we broke up, i dated only one girl for 5 months.. and i didn’t feel any love towards her.. i didnt even LOVE her.. ” a part of me didnt know if i should believe him and i still don’t know. but he continued to beg me to give him another chance telling me “I was young!, and immature and i had alot going through my mind at the time, i was confused, i just needed time to grow up some and mature, and i have been living on my own now for 3 years, ive had time to mature!, and plus the fact the my mother kept “whispering” stuff in my ear!” and i was listening to her”
    I continued to explain the hurtful words he said to me that had plagued me for years now . and he said ” Did i really say that!?? OMG!” and repeatedly he said over again ” *insert my name* I am SO SORRY!! FOR ALL OF THE HEART ACHE I HAVE CAUSED i dont know how i could ever redeem myself. i was and asshole, all i can keep saying is that i am SORRY , SO SORRY that i hurt you and made you suffer so badly! i never EVER wanted to hurt you!” “can you not give me another chance???” “you speak as though its over for good for us now, like its too late!””at least “try” me!” i cant just throw away our memories like they never happened, we were so close! it was almost as though we were twins! (this is true in many ways, as in many people thought we were brother and sister and related when we were together because we looked and acted so similar, and when they found out we were bf and gf they fawned over us in shock, and what made it weirder was his birthday was EXACTLY on the same day as my brother’s as if we actually “were related. we joked about needing to get checked to make sure we weren’t cousins. when i brought him home from the funeral my neighbor took one look at us and said “mmm…, im not even gonna ask whens the wedding….” even though i told her he was and old friend, and we received that alot from people and obviously still getting it years after)he then proceeded to do as he did before and do some cleaning and taking care of my dishes in the sink saying ” i missed working for you, and cleaning the dishes for you. I wouldn’t mind being your butler..” i replied jokingly” are you sure? thats a very humbling job to take on” and he said “it is…it really is humbling.. but i love you and i love helping you..i could do it” i then hugged him, shed a few tears ,and sent him on his way at around 12:45pm. no kisses no anything. i did give him my house number but told him not to call often, i told him i don’t know what will become of us, but for me im scared..frightned and i do not want to hurt anymore and to me..it just doesn’t seem to look good for the both of us. Though even other people want to see us hang on, my aunt has a picture of us together fraimed in the house and i had nagged her about having a picture of my ex bf and she said” NO!! i cant !! its too cute!! i have to hang onto it! you guys were so adorable!” . the most negative thing that has came out of his mouth so far , is he admitted to telling me one lie, and that was that he basically crashed after i left for good and started getting drunk and involved with women and smoking, something he said he would never do, but he said it only lasted from 2013 to 2014 and he stopped and started pulling himself together. he was afraid that if he told me, i would look at him as no different then the guys that pressured him to go down that path and look at him as a bad person. He claimed and swore that everything else he said was the honest truth ,and he said he quited that life 2 years ago and the only thing he’s left with now is smoking cigars…however , knowing im already sensitive when it comes to trusting him, i cant help but to be honest say “this makes me trust him even less..and fear him even more” but still i cannot erased the fact that he took off from his work and drove 6 hours to attend my families funeral. and he had always stayed in contact with my family even though i had moved out, even still came to visit. but really..i have no clue what else to do..i have never loved another man as passionately as i did him..i have been single ever since trying to heal and lick my wounds..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      just take it slow.. let him in.. I do think he really loves you, since he’s more matured now, give him a chance.

  24. Latoya D - 0

    Latoya D

    Me and my boyfriend just broke up recently because of my trust issues he claimed that they were to much an we should just be friends. I didn’t take this very well after giving him constant attention for 5-6 months we talked awhile before we got into a relationship but now I feel totally lost like I lost the best person I ever had and I actually feel bad because be was a great boyfriend, I didn’t mean any harm but now we don’t talk I found it would be best if I cut him off from my social media and delete him. It’s now been a couple of days since I did that, the last time he called me he was wishing me luck on an interview and chose to ask me who have I been talking to well I’m sure u knew how that went we ended up getting off the phone an haven’t actually talked on the phone since 2 weeks. I miss him entirely so much and want him back I am willing to change for the better and try to avoid my trust issues at all cost. Do u think I have a chance in him wanting me back or missing me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Latoya D,

      yes, there is.. Especially if you really improve

  25. Olivia - 0

    Olivia

    Hi I’m Olivia
    So pretty much after months of going back and forth and not giving eachother space, which resulted in lots of fights, after the breakup he said that we just don’t work together and all that nonsense. Since then I decided to actually go through with the no contact rule, fully. I’ve been focusing on myself my studies and getting in shape and honestly feel so much better. However, he’s in a group chat with me and our group of friends. He constantly tries to talk to me through there trying to get me to respond and talk to him. I’m not sure if this is good news or him just trying to be friendly. Thank you for your help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Olivia,

      it’s good news.. Just stay strong in no contact.. how long have you been in no contact?

  26. Kate - 0

    Kate

    After 5.5 yeas together my boyfriend left me, it’s been over 3 months now and he seems completely uninterested. I emailed and texted him a few times in that time period so haven’t done NC, he said he is still in love with me but that he doesn’t want to fix things as he has tried for long enough (I am confused by this as when he originally ended it he said he had lied about being okay when he wasn’t so how could he have been trying ?). I love him so much and feel utterly lost we did argue sometimes but I don’t think anymore then all couples….do u think there’s any chance

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi katr,

      I think he still sees the old you that he doesn’t want to go back with.. And I think he meant tried during the relationship, not after the break up.. yes,I think there’s still a chance but you really have to improve yourself

  27. Renee - 0

    Renee

    So me and my ex have been on and off for the past 3 years. In my opinion he leaves because he’s not ready to commit and runs when life gets a little too hard. We would fight a lot in our relationship and each time it would get worse and worse and we would always bring up unsolved past problems and still never really change or solve anything. My ed has a cycle of we fight, he ignores me but still says we will be fine, then some time passes and he dumps me, he always tells me we are too toxic and never meant to be but he also likes to say things like go ahead and hate me I know I’m a piece of crap and to move on, I usually beg and do whatever I think I can to get him back and he usually always comes back. The longest it took one time was 6 months. During the 6 months I had no contact at all and he didn’t seem to care so I’m scared to try the no contact again. This time we broke up due to us fighting about his past that I couldn’t let go and I became bitter towards him. We were engaged had a house and even 3 dogs together and he’s already kicked me out. He doesn’t initiate conversation but always replies to me when I start the conversation. He tells me things like he won’t move on and still loves me but won’t take me back when I say I still love him and won’t move on. I realize we both had said we are going to change and haven’t but this time I’ve actually taken time to work on changing and IDK if he sees it. I love him so much and want to make this work but I don’t know my chances of him coming back since he always did but this time he actually took the action to kick me out and tell me we will never be together again.. I’ve read almost every article on this page and still am lost and scared to try anything cause I don’t want to lose him for good this time. What are my chances? What do I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Renee,

      Honestly it’s not that good. You know why? Because you keep begging him before. And you also went 6 months no contact so that means you might go longer this time. The change has to be genuine, you can’t just change just for him to come back, so that means you have to be firm on your standards. No more begging, no more asking for him to come back, move on from the past relationship. You are going to start over again. You have to argue in the smart way. You can’t have the same arguments like before. You can’t talk about his past like before. If you are going to talk about that then you have to talk about it in a calm way. But I’m not saying that you’re going to get him back soon. I’m just saying what needs to happen if you ever get him back. But in reality I don’t think it’s going to happen in the near future because of everything that has already happened. Maybe you can go from 6 months to one year but the more important thing is you really have to change and have your own life.

  28. Meg - 0

    Meg

    Hi, I find this difficult even talking about it so here it goes. I’ve been with my boyfriend exactly five years this week. He has extremely bad anger issues and suffers from mild depression. He gets angry and does nasty things/says bad stuff and almost immediately after feels so guilty that he ends up lower than he already is. He’s a good person don’t get me wrong he just has a lot of demons and has it in his head that he is just pure evil. I have literally done everything for him, errands on a daily basis, make his doc apps, remind him of things he needs to do but I don’t really get much back when it’s the other way around. It wasn’t always like this, he was great at the start but his mood has continued to get lower and lower because he cannot control his emotions. He went to anger management before I was with him and he told me it worked but that he just thought once he was fixed he would b ok for good.. That’s not the case, his anger came back slowly and worse. He was so low and basically just wanted to sleep all the time. He doesn’t have any friends whatsoever and I was his best friend, him being my best friend to. We lived together for over a year up until February when his dad became quite ill and he had to move home to help out. We argued a lot recently and not just because of him, I admit I never really bothered with my appearance anymore, sex became dull, I was clingy and had a habit of bringing up past mistakes he made any time I was annoyed with him. The last couple of weeks he had been talking about kids and that he wants a family with me (this is what is killing me the most). That’s all I want too. Anyway I had booked a break away for us because we both badly needed it. Two days before hand I slept in his and he woke up in a foul mood an started shouting at me on the way to work saying he can’t sleep beside me, he sleeps better on his own and I started shouting back. I have to admit I didn’t give him any space at all, he’s not just at fault here, I just found it hard going from sharing a bed with him every night when we lived together to not doing that. Anyway after the argument he text me and said he couldn’t do this anymore and he was finished. Then he begged me to go on the real with him because he didn’t wanna ruin another thing on me. We went and had a great time.. The first night he drank too much and was a bit aggressive but other than that it was wonderful, we got on well, sex was great, it’s what we both needed. I should probably point out that he can’t drink, anytime he goes out and has a drink something bad happens and then he will sit at home feeling worse for a week or so. He rarely goes out and has a drink, maybe once every 5 or 6 weeks. Anyway we got back from Madrid and he decided he still felt the same way about finishing. He said he needed to figure out things for himself and go to anger management and that he couldn’t bare seeing how miserable he had made me. I begged him for a chance to make things right that we both need to see someone and forgive and forget. He seemed undecided and said he felt like he was making a huge mistake and that he knows nobody will love him like I did and that he doesn’t deserve it. We met up and I got upset and brought up crap from the past which made him angry and he was shouting and dropped me home. He text me after saying he was sorry that it’s his defence mechanism, he ended but begged me not to hate him and asked me to forgive him that he could not forgive himself for what he has done to me. He just pointed out that just because he is going to go to counselling doesn’t mean he will get better. He said all I wanted was u and a little family but how can I when I am the way I am… (This was yesterday) I’m at my wits end, he was my partner and my best friend and I honestly feel like someone has taken my soul away. I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Meg,

      looks like you both need to work in getting your individualities back.. you made your world revolve around him and you said you did everything for him.. you’re his gf, not his mom.

      And there’s no permanent fix to emotional problems.. it’s like brushing your teeth.. you cant expect to brush one time and expect it to last for a week.. so him practising anger management, would be lifetime, not one time..

      But you can only control yourself, so start with having your own life.. tey that by starting the no contact rule.. do 30 days and cotinue the routine you started in it even after the 30 days, while slowly building rapport

  29. Mol - 0

    Mol

    hey .. i really like the article it’s just amazing ♥
    well , after 9 months of love and fun, my ex boyfriend decide to broke up with me because he wants to be free , and he thinks that he can’t commit now . we were like family , best friends , lover and everything , we had a very great time , we laughed and cried together , all our friends were jealous bcoz we had this relationship. so we had a very big fight , we did really hurt each other and he blocked me on fb and what’s app … after one month my father saw him and he was so angry so they insult each other toooo … we are studying in the same university , when he see me he never look at me , he puts his head in his phone , but when i get away he start lookin at me >>>i really can’t understand him !!!
    and after 2 months i texted him to apologize about what my father had done
    he said that he is sorry too , sorry for everything , and we wished the best for each other
    so then i thought that i had a chance to get him back , so after 10 days i texted him to tell him that “i miss him so much , and i had moved on with my life , i changed a lot of things but my feelings for him still the same “.
    he replied : ” i like your brave heart but i turned the page and good luck “.
    so after this talk and i had started the nc rule , he was stalking me on snap chat and ask.fm so i deactivate all my social media accounts , and he feels competitive to me .
    but nothing happened from one month and 15 days of nc rule!
    i moved on , but i still wondering why he never come back?
    especially that our relationship was very special and unique !
    (4 months broke up)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mol,

      nc is not going to make him come back, it’s just a tool. It can help to increase the chances but it’s not the answer.

  30. Emily - 0

    Emily

    Hey,

    I was with my guy for over a year. He was the most loving sweetest guy ever. We had fun together and experienced a lot. We’re in constant contact and never got bored of each other.He was crazy in love with me but I had a hard time showing affection etc because I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. Last December I decided to take a break so I can work on my issues, heal and eventually become able to be the girl he deserves.

    It crushed him but we stayed in contact all the time, like before. By the end of this summer I had fallen in love with him and was showing him a lot of affection and wanted to get back together. Sadly now he said he felt distant and had been feeling so since at least March. Him contacting me slowly decreased although he said he still hopes we end up together but hes just scared he wont feel the same anymore. In August he stopped initiating contact and said its best we re just friends for now and he doesnt know if he ll give us a chance. He told me not to rush into any relationship but that wed stay like this until whenever unless I found a good guy. I cut contact to once a week.
    In the beginning of September I let him know that I had changed my mind about some things that he felt were possible deal breakers. So those reasons were gone now too. But now he was seeing someone whom he had met two weeks ago. They had amazing chemistry, felt a connection and this girl was my opposite. Way better than me. This is someone who has no baggage and no man has messed her up before as he says. Hes already met half her family and said it wouldnt be fair to push her aside to give us a chance. Told me Ill find someone and be happy and theres zero chance for us.

    Is there?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emily,

      have you tried our chances calculator in the home page? For me, I think you do have a chance, but not in the near future.. Why not try doing no contact first for yourself? Do 45 days and start to heal and improve.

  31. Heather - 0

    Heather

    My ex boyfriend and I just broke up a month ago after 5 years and he moved out. I haven’t called him since then and he calls me every 3-4 days and still has all my pics up on his Facebook page. I really want him back and don’t know what to do. The reason why we broke up is because he wasn’t sure what he wanted.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Heather,

      you said you don’t initiate calls but do you answer his calls?

  32. Walloftalent - 0

    Walloftalent

    Hi i feel i need to share my current situation. I had been dating a guy who was travelling in the country i am from for some time. At the beginning it was just a bit of fun since we knew eventually he would have to move back. I was trying to keep neutral but the more we saw each other the more we began feelings for one another. We never really communicated these at the time as we both knew he had to leave. The day he left it was pretty obvious of my feelings and I felt he was the same. I didnt ever think id see him again as he was going travelling for a month on his way home. Turns out we started missing each other madly. I had fallen for him and vice versa. On departure he sent me flowers for my birthday with a miss you note. Things got desperate and we needed to see each other so i travelled to one of the cities he was travelling around just to see him. Fast forward we decided to do long distance for 5/6 months and the more time went on the serious the talks and what ifs i confided in lots of good headed people and made the hard decision to move to his country to be with him (10,000 miles away!) I left a very good job, flat and family but thise things had seemed so irrelevant since he had gone anyway. I was up for the move. On arrival it was the best feeling in the world..he had secured us a place and weve really enjoyed every moment of living together..even now. It took me a while to find work and i kinda became a bit down for feeling far away and cut off after a while. I was unhappy in the job id landed..felt like such an outsider but kept living through it despite this for my visa to stay with him whom i was very happy with. Iver time he had said to me he wasnt so sure about us anymore but with me being his first relationship at 26 yrs old we just looked at it as cold deet. In our situation we had to move quickly since were from opposite sides of the earth. Over time he had not been sure but didnt want to brung it up with me to see if it could work..i had also been unwell which probably didnt help with my various other struggles! A recent conversation revealed that this had changed in to he doesnt think we are right for each other and that im enjoying living over here so thinks i should go home if we are to have a shot in the future. He wants us to end and says hecwants to be on his own while he figures things out. Thus means me moving ten thousand miles back. He said he loves me but wants me to be happier..thing is..he is ultimately what makes me happy as im head over heels in love with him..i have had previous relationship and this guy ticks all the boxes of someone i want a future with. I cant help he worries about locations too but thats solvable. He says if he realises hes made a mistake and misses me he will come over to me and we can make a plan. I’ve never experienced this before and especially away so far from home..it feels very lonely! He is going on normally..hugging kissing me telling me he loves me every day. Just like when he left my country i think he needs me out of sight to know if he misses me. Its so confusing the whole thing..and what makes it worse is the distance from my family, timezones and sacrifices i have made. I have only been here for ten months. What do you think to this please?

    Reply
    • Walloftalent - 0

      Walloftalent

      By the way im due to fly home tomorrow and it is going to break my heart leaving him at the airport not knowing whether or not I’ll ever see him again whilst so emotionally invested in him. Ive been in tears for the past 3 weeks through the uncertainty pain. I see so many positives in our relationship but think he lacks experience hence not feeling like himself. He think that there might be someone out there perhaps better suited to him..even though im the best in thecworld to him etc. Grass is always greener curiosity. I have had a lot to deal with and adapt to moving my life over to a different continent and feel that some of my teething settling in bits has tainted us. I feel He has let this define me but i feel my personal problems are not a true reflection of how things could and woukd be between us.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Wall of talent,

      if he’s really the only thing that makes you happy then how can you feel down being away from your family, unhappy in a job and feeling out of place when the ultimate reason for your happiness was right there? That’s because you know he’s not the ultimate happiness.. He’s just a part of what can make you happy. And now, you’re off balance and that’s all he can feel from you. I’m not saying it’s all your fault but the truth is, it’s really hard to be away from your home and you need an outlet. Otherwise, that will happen. The relationship got negative from him because that’s all he can feel from you. If you’re set in going back home, that means you have to approach it like a long distance relationship. And then start no contact once you’re there.

    • Walloftalent - 0

      Walloftalent

      Thank you. I have been home now for 2days. On my way home he contacted me to see how i was getting on three times then again to see if i was home. He asked how i felt and daid he felt weird and had a not sure kinda feeling and that he had been hugging the pillows. Since then, i msgd him and he asked me whats news etc and he said hes “been ok.” He is online a lot but we haven’t messaged in 24hrs. Im so worried I’ll get forgotten as im now so far from him! What do you think?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Don’t worry. His actions show that he’s missing you. So, he won’t easily forget about you. And while he’s still missing you, make him miss you more by improving yourself.

    • Walloftalent - 0

      Walloftalent

      Thank you for the advice. I will definitely be trying out some self-improvement and hope that i emulate a positive vibe to him. I must work on the chance of reuniting and him missing me enough to come and see me..(how can i best do this?) i had to msg about a housekey (important matter) that he had asked about today. He said thanks and said im up nice and early?! I explained jetlag. He then asked if i had my appetite back. .i remained positive and said if course i do! He asked “why of course?!” And i said i love food. I then asked if its still feeling weird and he said yes but he reckons it’ll be a gew weeks before feeling normal again (not sure what aspect he refers to there?!) I then suggested for us to talk on the phone some time. He agreed and I left the ball in his court as to when suits him best….is this all sounding ok?

    • Walloftalent - 0

      Walloftalent

      As we have technically split up… (he will come over if misses me and i get happier again) im so worried too in the interim that he might start seeing others or dating. He had nentioned it to be a possibility when we were in talks, since he is obviously confused and mind clouded

    • Walloftalent - 0

      Walloftalent

      ..at the moment and was making him wonder if theres a better prospect for him since he has never had a relationship before me! …he made it clear that his intentions were not to go and actively find someone but with distance comes worry! He keeps reinforcing it

    • Walloftalent - 0

      Walloftalent

      ..doesnt have to be the end for us..and that i think of everything as so final and permanent!…therefore i need a strategy and pull factor from afar to at least let him decide he needs to see me so i can show him my improved self!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh, I just want to make it clear that you have to do no contact first.. Use this opportunity while he still misses you.. be very active in improving yourself during it and continue that while building rapport after nc.. I think you should do 30 days

    • Walloftalent - 0

      Walloftalent

      Thank you. My mum had sent him a msg of support today as they never got to meet with the distance. His reply was: “Thanks, I appreciate the support. Yeah it wasn’t an easy decision and as much as (she) might not see it I think it is the best decision for the both of us at this current time but yeah who knows what’s gonna happen in the future. I definitely would have liked meeting you guys. Give (her) a big hug for me”… This has now deflated me!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Focus more in getting your life back.. in a way he is right.. You have to.be more emotuonally independent before getting in a relationship again.. and then next time, if it works out with him, find a job there before moving there

  33. Julia - 0

    Julia

    My ex and I dated for about a year and 5 months. Three months into our relationship he broke up with me because he got scared or cold feet or whatever only to come back like 2 weeks later apologizing. After him trying to get me back for like 2 months we continued our relationship but I became scared and clingy and would question him a lot about everything (I realize this is not good and have been working on myself) we would fight a lot and he was becoming very distant to the point where we would barely see eachother (on account of him). I ended it. He contacted me about a month in a half later and we were talking again but then the arguemenrs resumed. We have been apart for 5 months now and he says he doesn’t want to stress out about fixing our issues and that he can’t listen to his heart he’s listening to his head and says he doesn’t think we should be together once and for all. He also claims we’ve been apart for too long (5 months) Although he said this he was on a rollercoaster ride where one day he would tell me we were meant to be and then he would then change his mind. I love him a lot and I know he loves me and idk what todo. I never responded to his text message about not wanting to continue. He offered to be friends and I don’t want that it’s not healthy. Anyways, 4 days later (I still didn’t respond) texts me asking me if I was using his Netflix account because too many devices were on it. I also didn’t reply to that. I feel like he doesn’t know what he wants and a lot of games are being played.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Julia,

      I think he wants to friendzone you..ANd he doesn’t see that you’ve really changed after this month.. Like, he misses the past but there’s nothing new or he’s not seeing a new you that he is attracted with.

  34. renee - 0

    renee

    My fiancee broke up with me after our 10years living relationship because he fell in love and started to have an affair with his coworker, who is already married with 2 kids. Its been one year since we were staying with his parents as we were suppose to marry this year. But i found out about his affair through his messages..at first we fought a lot and then i beg, cried asked for another chance…did everything but all he said was he cares for me but now he is in love with that other women,but somtimes he feel bad and sorry for what he has done to me,but the next day when he goes to office or go our for office tour with her he will be rude to me. I talked with that women 2 times, she shows fake concern and promise me that she wont tell my fiancee about our conversation, but right after i hung up the call she share each and everything to him. after 4 months i finally went back to my home town. But i made him promise to keep on calling me everyday. First 2,3days he did but as the days pass by he started saying that he wants to stop the calls so that i can move on as i m still hanging on him which is making his life miserable, but i convince him to give me time, but i came to know why he asked me to do that was because that other women file divorce with her husband. Just recently, all his and mine pics was removed from facebook, i asked why he did that, but i already knew it was that women not him. Got irritated n tag our pic to him. But it back fire me as he called me infront of that women and fought wit me.
    I really want to move on but i still love him so much, its been 2 and half month since we parted ànd very soon i have to go there and collect my things. Is there any way i can make him understand or make him come back to me or anything ….any advice for me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Renee,

      with all the chasing and pleading you did, have you tried doing the no contact to somehow lessen the impact of him thinking you’re chasing him? If you did, how long did you do it?

    • renee - 0

      renee

      No…i didnt do NO CONTACT rules, because i thought all my things, including my documents, jewellery and cloths are still there and i have to collect anyhow. If during NO CONTACT period he changes his number then it will be difficult for me to collect my stuffs…thinking of that it always stop me from trying NO CONTACT rules

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok to talk to him about your things. Just keep it only about your things. Be civil with him and the continue improving yourself. If he opens up any relationship talk, tell him, you appreciate him wanting to talk about it but you’re not ready yet and hope that he understands.

    • renee - 0

      renee

      No he never talks about our relationship…infact he keeps on saying that we should stop from here. Just 5days back he went for office tour with that women and since then he didn’t call or message me…..i am bit confuse here whether i will call him or not.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      then that means you really have to do no contact..

    • renee - 0

      renee

      Thank you for yur responses. Want to get in touch with again.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Sorry I didn’t get your last sentence.. What did you mean?

  35. Tiffany - 0

    Tiffany

    My boyfriend of 14 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. He said it was because he didn’t want to be in a relationship. He also said he had tried to tell me for 9 months but every time he wanted to tell me, we had a great time out and he didn’t want to ruin the night. He also told me that he loves me very much and wants to remain friends, but to me this is his way of having me still in his life on his terms. He said he needs to “get back to being himself” and that he “needs to find himself again” and that he doesn’t know how long that could take. I told him I can not wait around for him and he doesn’t expect me to. I told him that I thought I was lucky enough to find “the One” and he said the same thing to me. Why would he let go of something that he claims is so important to him? Plus, he said because all of his friends are settling down and he didn’t have the opportunity in his 20s to be social like everyone because he was taking care of his ailing mother, that he feels he needs to do that now. He also mentioned that “if he wants to go on a casual date here and there, that it should be no big deal.” Why would he tell me I was the one but then want to go on casual dates with others? Part of me feels like he was just saying words that I would want to hear. He kept telling people that he was deathly afraid of losing me and that he had no choice. What does that even mean?! I feel like this is an excuse so that he can look like a good guy in his friends’ eyes and still gather empathy because he HAD to do it because his life was too complicated. I just don’t know what to believe/think anymore. Any thoughts? I love him and have started the NC rule 3 days ago. I have deleted my Facebook App on my phone to avoid seeing him and don’t post on Instagram either even though just recently he like a picture that was posted 5 days ago which means he’s been snooping. Should I be silent on social media or make myself seem like I’m having the best time ever. Plus, I have recently started a new sport and am getting myself back into shape since I gained 15 pounds due to him and his wanting to eat out (and this was with me exercising 6 days a week). I know that I must make myself the best version of me for ME and no one else and it will help me ultimately build my confidence. As I said, I do love him still and would love for him to come back to me. Any suggestions?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tiffany,

      In short he’s finds you a good person but he wants to experience a lot of things that he can’t do if he’s with you.. It can be a grass is greener syndrome or he wants variety in his life.. That’s good that you’re being active with yourself. Be active in social media too, try to establish to be an ungettable girl.

  36. Nina - 0

    Nina

    Hello my name is Nina and. Me and my boyfriend broke up he left me because he said that he feels he can’t satisfy me I really love him so much and want him back then one other reason he dump me was because we would go talk one day then not the next and I would as him like hey why you haven’t talk to me or are interested in me still I guess he git fed up then he dump me a day ago he said that he can’t do it anymore I just wanted to talk more because we became a long distance relationship after he moved away so I was thinking we should talk more but he was not trying to hear it he left me and I don’t think he will ever come back he seemed really upset

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nina,
      are you in nc now and are you actively imoroving yourself?

  37. Tracy - 0

    Tracy

    My boyfriend caught me snooping on him through one of his former Facebook friends who he met on a dating site. He got really angry and the exchange went like this…he first told me to back off and I shouldn’t have done that and if I hear from him than that is that. We talked back and forth where I tried to explain why I did it…because he hadn’t called the last two days he said he would and we had plans! He said I was smothering him and he couldn’t talk to me all the time, and that contacting someone he knew was crazy. That there are so many red flags now. I explained to him I only did it because his recent actions were causing me concern. He said he understood my concerns, but that I crossed the line and overstepped my boundaries and he can’t deal with that and it was something stalkers do. We both had to go so I asked if we could talk later and he said he didn’t know at that point. That he was worried about how I reacted and violated his privacy. I messaged him later explaining why I did what I did again. He read it but didn’t respond. The next night I apologized for hurting him and told him I know it was wrong but I went in protection mode and didn’t think it through. That I was here when he was ready to talk. He read the messages but never responded. That was two days ago and still nothing. I have decided to go NC and give him his space, but do you think this means he’s done? He unfriended me but didn’t block me on FB. I don’t feel like I’ve gotten any definitive answer on our status and I’m in limbo, but I know him not responding is not a good sign.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tracy,

      you have to let him be for now to cool off and be busy with your life

  38. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    Hey
    I date my ex for a year and 5 months he broke up with me because he was stressed out and we would fight a lot I was also very clingy when he dumped me I blocked him and decided to move on, after that after like 6 months he contacted me and asked me to give our relationship a second chance and we did but we started fighting again and once again he just left me. Later on that he dated a girl for a year and a few months but I think recently they broke up because he has contacted me again telling me that I’m basically the best he has ever had and everything compared to our relationship is mediocre he basically apologized for what he did to me he ask so said that if he would date me now or even a few months ago we wouldve stayed together I don’t know if I should believe him but I think we both got a bit of closure but he asked me if he could still talk to me and hang out with me and I agreed but I honestly don’t know where this is going I just want friendship but I don’t wanna feel like he is just talking to me because he broke up with that girl. Should I stick to being friends or should I just avoid him? I just think he doesn’t deserve a 3rd chance it’s been two or three years since we broke up.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi lisa,

      let him heal by himself first and then be friends later on

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