Ex boyfriends complicate life don’t they?

“What are you talking about Chris?”

I know that’s a strange statement for me to put out there but if you really think about it there is truth to it. The reason you found this page is probably because you want to better understand your ex boyfriend. The reason your feelings are all over the place is probably because of him. Oh, and who could forget the pain you had to experience during the initial breakup (the breakup was caused by him by the way.)

The end result = a more complicated life.

After a breakup there are two outcomes that can occur. I will illustrate those outcomes below in the form of short little stories.

Boy meets girl.

Boy falls in love with girl.

Boy dates girl and the relationship is great for a while.

Boy has an issue and breaks up with girl.

Girl moves on.

Boy moves on.

For most of the women who visit Ex Boyfriend Recovery this is the story they are currently experiencing and this story frightens the living daylights out of them. As a result, they will do anything to avoid it. Especially that last sentence of,

“Boy moves on.”

No, the story that pretty much every woman on this site wants to unfold is this,

Boy meets girl.

Boy falls in love with girl.

Boy dates girl and the relationship is great for a while.

Boy has an issue and breaks up with girl.

Girl begins to move on while implementing “get your ex back” tactics.

The boy wants her back.

I want you to take a wild guess at which story we are going to be focusing on throughout this page?

If you guessed the one where the girl makes the boy want her back then you are right. Specifically, I want to focus on what goes through a mans head that makes him want to go back with his ex girlfriend or you in this case.

Will This Page Include A Step By Step Plan To Get Him Back?

There is only one purpose of this page, to teach you what makes an ex want to come back after a breakup. What I am hoping happens is that you will use the knowledge I give you to become someone that your boyfriend will want to come back to.

Of course, becoming someone that he will want back is only one step in a very complex process. This page is only going to be focusing on how to become “the one.” In other words, there won’t be a step by step guide teaching you how to get him back.

Now, before you roll your eyes and click the back button on your browser or phone I want to make you aware that I have already created a guide that will teach you how to get your ex boyfriend back, STEP BY STEP. My E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO will take you through every step of the reconnection process and show you everything you will need to do to get your ex back.

In addition to that, I have also written another book on what attracts men to women. In other words, if you do everything that book says then you will become exponentially more attractive to your ex boyfriend. That E-Book is called, The Secrets of Attracting Men.

Learn more about them below,

The Reasons Your Ex Boyfriend Would Want To Come Back

reason

In this section I am going to go over every possible reason I can think of that would make an ex boyfriend want to come back to you after a breakup.

Of course, when I was brainstorming this section I discovered something very interesting.

Not all of the reasons for an ex boyfriend to come back to you after a breakup are good. In fact, some of them are downright horrible. As a result, I have decided to divide this category up into three different sections.

Section 1: Positive Reasons

This section is going to cover every single positive reason I can possibly think of that would make an ex boyfriend want to get back together with you. If you can successfully get your ex boyfriend to want you back for these reasons then you could be well on your way to a long lasting relationship.

Section 2: Neutral Reasons

Here we are going to take a look at the reasons that aren’t good or bad, they are simply “in between.” If you find that your ex boyfriend has a neutral reason for wanting to get back together with you it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, most of the women would kill to have ANY reason for an ex to want them back.

Section 3: Bad Reasons

In my mind it all boils down to the future. Can you and your ex boyfriend have a happy and healthy relationship going forward if you were to get back together? Well, if your ex wants you back for any of the reasons in this section then that means that your chances of having that happy and healthy relationship are going to be harmed. Why? Well, you’ll find out in a second 😉 .

First things first, lets start with the positive reasons.

Positive Reasons He Could Want To Come Back

(Learn how you can make him come back to you by getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

be positive

In this section we are only going to be focusing on the positive reasons that an ex boyfriend wants to come back.

Now, I am naturally assuming that you are wondering what made me pick the reasons below. It’s quite simple really. I have seen a lot of couples break up and I have seen a lot of couples get back together. This puts me in a very interesting position since I hear all the little details behind the mans reasoning for re-entering the relationship.

Of course, I have also seen a lot of couples that get back together break up again and when I ask for the details on why I always seem to determine that the overall mindset of the man when he re-enters the relationship is extremely important. If that mindset is found under the “neutral” or “negative” sections below then you can run into trouble sometimes.

All of the reasons below are positive because they will give you the best chance for sustaining a long relationship with your boyfriend. In other words, his mindset is going to be in the right place.

Positive Reason- Experience Has Taught Him You Are The Best

best in the world
A friend of mine told me a story recently that really resonated with me.

You see, my friend is no stranger to relationships. He has had multiple girlfriends and has even been married once. So, in that sense he is a veteran when it comes to the relationship game.

One day we got to talking about his history with relationships and he said something that struck me as fascinating. Out of all of the women he has dated in his life there is one that stands out above all the rest. You know, “the one that got away.”

The way he talked about this girl was incredible. He talked about how beautiful she was, how his heart would beat uncontrollably at the sight of her and how if he could go back in time he would do everything in his power to keep her.

Why do you think this story resonated with me?

Well, let me just say one thing. His story wouldn’t have resonated with me if I didn’t own this site.

I see ex boyfriends coming back all the time for a variety of different reasons. However, one of the most common reasons I see them wanting to come back is because they dub you as “the one that got away.”

Sometimes an ex has to go out into the world and experience new relationships for himself before he can come to the realization that you were the best girlfriend he ever had. Ironically, by the time he actually realizes that it’s too late you will have already moved on.

(Again, something I see all the time.)

Of course, there are some men out there that are completely aware that you are the best girlfriend they will ever have. However, what can generally happen is that these men aren’t ready to commit to you because they “haven’t experienced enough.”

According to the Huffington Post, the average age that a man starts looking to settle down has been on the rise.

In 1990 the average marrying age for men was 26 years old. In 2013 that number has been upped to 29 years old (a historic high.)

The end result is simple, more and more men want to get out and experience “more” before they settle down. This is important to keep in mind because it can actually explain why your ex may have broken up with you in the first place.

Now, I bet you are sitting there thinking,

“Could my ex boyfriend be thinking that I am the best he ever had?”

That depends on a number of factors both physically and emotionally.

Ideally, what you want to do is set the bar so high that no one will be able to compete with you in the relationship. Take my friend for example. He is currently 31 years old and has experienced probably over a dozen relationships AND he has even been married.

With all that experience in the dating game there is only one girl that he constantly thinks about.

The one who set the bar so high that no other girl could compare not even his WIFE (ex wife now though.)

Positive Reason- The Heat Of The Moment

burn
Have you ever been so angry at someone that you said a bunch of things that you didn’t mean?

I remember when I had my first girlfriend I acted like a crazy person. At 15 years old I was absolutely thrilled that I got a member of the opposite sex to like me. Of course, the biggest issue here was the fact that I was very immature and didn’t understand how to deal with the feelings that you get in a relationship.

I remember one time I got into a fight with this girl over something ridiculous.

In the end my anger took over and I blurted out a bunch of insults that deep down I really didn’t mean.

After I was done with my little outburst the look on her face pretty much said it all as I came to reality and realized that I had hurt her on a very deep level.

Now, what I want to do with this section is take this same concept, the immature outburst, and apply it to your situation to see if your boyfriend had one right before he broke up with you.

The thing I have always found fascinating about relationships is the fact that they have the ability to make you magnify every little thing that the person you are dating does. For example, before you dated your now ex boyfriend I bet you that you really didn’t care as much if he took a picture with another girl.

You weren’t dating him so you didn’t really attach those “love” feelings to him yet.

This completely changes when you do attach those types of feelings to him. All of a sudden, you care very much on whether or not he takes a picture with another girl.

Well, the same type of principal applies to your boyfriend. As he is dating you every little thing that you do is going to be magnified for him. Now, some men understand this and deal with it in a very mature way by not overreacting over every little thing that you do.

However, a large portion of men aren’t very mature in how they handle the magnification.

Let me use an example to illustrate this point.

Lets stick with this idea of pictures.

Lets say that you harmlessly take a picture with one of your guy friends during a birthday party that his girlfriend set up. The picture is completely harmless meaning that you aren’t sitting in this guys lap, kissing him on the cheek, having your hands on him or anything that can be considered controversial. In fact, you didn’t even want to take the picture with him in the first place because you knew it could potentially upset your boyfriend. Peer pressure works on you though and you decide to do it (his girlfriend even took the picture.)

When the inevitable birthday party update happens on Facebook. You are tagged in the picture and your boyfriend ends up seeing the picture (even though you didn’t post it.)

Now, since we already know that everything is going to be magnified for your boyfriend it is pretty much a given that he could freak out if he sees the picture which can lead to an argument which can lead to a fight which can lead to him saying things he doesn’t mean.

Do you see how that progression works?

Lets make another leap here and say that this little incident with the picture was what caused your relationship to end.

When your boyfriend saw the picture he obviously got angry and jealous. Those emotions caused him to say a lot of things that he didn’t mean. When he comes down off his anger trip he is going to realize that he may have potentially made a mistake.

He is going to see the situation from a more logical perspective and realize that you are a gem and he is a fool for letting you go.

The question you have to ask yourself now is if he is worth taking back?

This is really the ultimate position to be in because you control the entire game at this point.

However, if you are asking my opinion on whether or not to take a boyfriend back in this exact situation (with the picture fight, etc, etc) I would have one piece of simple advice. If your entire relationship has been like this with him overreacting, causing a huge fight and never having any empathy then you might want to think twice before getting yourself into another situation where you let history repeat itself.

Yes, this is a positive reason for him wanting you back but if this reason causes you to continually break up and get back together then there may have a deeper problem.

Positive Reason – Missing The Routine

routine
Have you ever noticed that when you date someone there is a certain routine that you get into?

For example, the first thing that you may do when you wake up is check your phone to see if your boyfriend texted you. Next, you may spend the entire day sending texts back and forth to each other. After the day is finished you may meet your boyfriend somewhere to be with him. Of course, when that time is over you go home and probably text him again or talk to him on the phone.

My point is simple, this is the routine of your relationship and I have found that people like routines.

It could be entirely possible that the drastic change of a breakup is very hard on your boyfriend because all of a sudden he is ripped away from the routine that he has gotten so used to.

You see this a lot with men who are dating women for long periods of time (1 year +.)

So, why is it a good sign if your ex boyfriend comes back to you because he misses the routine?

Look at it this way.

That routine isn’t possible without your relationship. Heck, it can even be argued that the routine and your relationship are closely intertwined. It is because of that routine that your relationship is even possible.

So, if your ex boyfriend begins missing the routine of your relationship it is really like saying he is missing you.

Neutral Reasons He May Want To Return

(Learn how you can make him come back to you by getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

neutral
When it comes to relationships nothing is ever black or white. Most of the time it is a lot more complicated than “good reasons” vs “bad reasons.” In this section we are going to explore the type of reasons that are in between good or bad.

Probably the thing that I have found most interesting about “neutral reasons” is that they can have the ability to be both good or bad depending on a lot of different factors.

Our first reason is a perfect example of this phenomenon.

He Comes Back Because He Misses You

miss you
Now, I know exactly what you are thinking.

“How in the world is this not a good reason?”

Allow me to educate you.

I dated a girl for a year between the ages of 19-20. Every time I think back to that relationship it literally hurts my stomach because of how much stress it gave me. I am a very calm and genuine person. I have always been that way but in that relationship I wasn’t calm or genuine.

It made me into a completely different person.

In fact, I didn’t think it was possible to have as many fights in a relationship as I did with this person.

My main point here is simple, the two of us were clearly not a good match for each other. Yet despite all of that I still missed her when I broke up with her. Yes, I knew it was ultimately the right decision but I still missed her. I feel it is normal.

Think of it this way, if I had gone back to her when I missed her right after the breakup would I have been giving the relationship the best chance in the long run?

I mean, what had changed this time around?

What if after 3 months of being broken up I still missed her?

By this time I would have probably been thinking more logically and the inevitable “missing after the breakup” would have already occurred.

In other words, timing is everything when it comes to missing.

Negative Reasons He May Want You Back

(Learn how you can make him come back to you by getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

negative nancy
Lets move on to the negative reasons that your ex boyfriend could want you back.

Now, I know that pretty much every woman prowling this site would sell a small piece of their soul to get back with their exes. However, you might want to think twice before you sign on the dotted line. I know I say this a lot but I really mean it. I am in a very unique position in that I have seen a lot of relationships succeed and fail.

If there is anyone you should listen to when it comes to the topic of exes it should be me.

I am here to tell you that sometimes if your ex wants you back and it is because of a “negative reason” it might be best to move on and not take them back.

Why?

Well, if you get back with a boyfriend because of any of the reasons below then the chances of your relationships succeeding long term aren’t going to be very high.

You’ll see what I mean.

Negative Reason- He’s Bored

bored
I want to tell you a little story.

A few days ago I got an interesting email from a reader here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Her boyfriend had broken up with her because he “lost feelings.” The breakup really hurt because she was convinced that he was “the one.” So, she did what any self respecting woman would do… she came to the internet and found my site. After a few hours of reading the material here she decided that the smartest thing to do going forward was to implement the no contact rule.

So she did.

5 days is all it took… 5 days before he came crawling back.

“I miss you so much. It’s so BORING without you.”

If your ex is bored without you is that a good sign or a bad sign?

It’s actually bad because a solid relationship can’t be built on a foundation of boredom. Essentially what your ex is saying here is that there is no one else around so you are the best option that they know they can get.

Negative Reason- For Sex

sexy
If you haven’t already read my post on exes who use you I suggest you take about ten minutes and get through that (it has some interesting insights about men.)

Lets do some role playing.

Lets say that you and I dated for about a year and I broke up with you citing some ridiculous reason about my feelings not being the same. The truth is that I just wanted to get out there and experience more women. There’s just one problem… turns out that “more women” don’t want to experience me.

Of course, we are talking about me here and I can be stubborn sometimes so rather than crawling back to you with my tail between my legs I decide to see if I can get away with making you my booty call and I do… for a while. Pretty soon you start to develop those inevitable feelings and demand that we become an item again.

Understanding that this is a very delicate situation and I could lose my “sex partner” I decide to make you my girlfriend again. Here’s the thing though. The only reason I am making you my girlfriend is because I am getting sex from you. I am still keeping an eye out for other women to “experience.” The second that I find one I am going to break up with you and go to her.

Do you see how this is a negative reason now?

Negative Reason- He Sees You With Another Man

jealous
When I was a small child I got a video game system for Christmas one year. I was so excited to play with it that I would literally invite all of my friends over and all we did during Christmas break was play on this thing. Of course, I began to notice something really troubling with my best friend.

He became extremely jealous of the fact that I had this video game system and he didn’t. So, he went home and threw a temper tantrum until he got his parents to buy the same video game system that my parents had gotten me for Christmas.

Keep this anecdote in mind because it is going to apply to what I am talking about here.

A common trend I see here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that women who try to get their ex boyfriends back end up failing but rather than letting that failure make them miserable they decide to pick up the pieces and move on. Eventually they do find someone new and fall in love with him.

Of course, the initial ex that they were trying to get back in the first place is watching all of this and begins to grow jealous.

Here is where the anecdote comes back into play.

Imagine that you are me and you just got a new video game system (your new man.) Your ex is my best friend and he grows jealous of the new video game system (your new man.) All of a sudden, you start to see your ex trying to win you back.

A few months ago you literally prayed every night for this to happen but now that you have moved on you are filled with confusion on whether or not to give it a try with the new man or go back to the old one who broke your heart.

Let me tell you why its a bad idea to go back to your ex in this case.

Lets say that you do go back to your ex boyfriend. You break up with the new boyfriend and give this thing another shot with your old flame. Well, the problem with this is that the only reason you were suddenly attractive to your ex again is because he saw you with another guy.

That’s it.

The second you leave that new guy to become exclusive with him is the second that he begins to lose interest again…

502 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?”

  1. Avatar

    Jessica

    April 9, 2019 at 1:45 am

    Its been 3 months since the break up. It was a general break up nothing big or horrible. At first i was the one who iniated the break up but then after a month of NC I contacted him and he didn’t want to go back but only as friends. He seemed angry. Well, after I contacted him I told him that I just couldnt accept being friends with him so I told him I would leave him alone. I haved not heard from him at all. Its been 2 months now since I told him that. I feel like he really is trying to move on and forget about me. We had a deep connection and we both loved each other. He brought me around his family, we had lived together, he had met and loved my daughters. One time his sister told me that for him to bring a girlfriend around the family was something he had never done before in the past. So, that really meant something to me. He is one of the stubborn persons I have ever met though. So, maybe like I had mentioned he is really sticking to his decision.
    Weve been on and off before in the past. The longest break up has been 5 months and he always came back to me regardless of how many times he would tell me that we werent meant for each other that we were done and all these horrible things.
    I changed my number but he knows where I live. I am not planning on reaching out no more since I feel like he will reject me once again. I am going indefinite no contact and If he come back then good maybe he’ll learn the hard way, like the saying you dont know what you got until its gone. In the meantime i have been focusing on myself by going out running, keeping myself busy on staying productive and changing my hairstyle. Like ive read on this site, moving on without really moving on. Do you think Im doing the right things? Or what do you suggest on my situation? What are my chances?

  2. Avatar

    Lisanne

    April 6, 2019 at 5:13 pm

    Hi chris,
    My boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago.. I moved out the same day but I still have alot of stuff over there (my bed, washing/dryer machine.. etc.) We were together for almost 4 years and last month out of nowhere it started going weird and i started freaking out.. he stoped texting me and then he would text me but he would never say i love you anymore! I asked him if he was seing or texting someone else he said no and it sounded honest. In that month I asked him if he wanted to try and work things out and the first two times he said yes but he woulnt do the effort to text me. Whenever he would come home it would be okay like before, but before he would leave for work I would ask him are you gonna text me today and he would always say yes. But ended up not texting me or he would text me later in the day. He was the one for me! We almost never argued! I was there for him for everything! He was so good to me and then one day all of a sudden something changed and the it fell apart! He would say he love me but doesnt know if he wants to work things out! He can see us in the future having kids, a home, being married.. but he can’t see himself working things out right now i dont understand… I am dying from the inside!

  3. Avatar

    Tina

    November 13, 2018 at 12:20 am

    My bf & I broke up 3 months ago after 2 years of relationship. We are on our 30s. He was saying it should be a break but does not seem like that anymore. He could not decide even during the due date for the break. We have been almost in no contact. In our last conversation about a month ago he said he still does not know if he wants to work on our relationship or not since he does not feel that attraction & intimacy anymore & he is worried if getting bak together will be a wrong decision. He is a child of divorcing parent and I think that this is also affecting his fears. His friends tell me he seems down & lost. I do not know if he will come back or not & how long should I wait for him?

  4. Avatar

    Ann

    October 31, 2018 at 9:26 pm

    Hello,

    My ex and I had been together for about a year and 9 months. During that time we had gotten engaged and moved in together and I quit smoking. All of it put a lot of pressure on us and he started slipping out of the relationship and playing video games a lot. We got in a huge fight and the engagement got broken off and we nearly broke up. For some months after he would waver on wether or not he wanted to be with me and then finally a month ago he decided to end it. We had to live together for a few weeks after and it was hell. I cried a lot and yelled a lot and begged and tried to change his mind. I relapsed over and over in smoking. He agreed to give it a month after I move out to reconsider, and at two weeks we’re supposed to “check in.” Other than that we’re doing no contact. He said he’s sure he doesn’t want this in the long term and he thinks he wants to go in another direction.
    What are my chances of getting him back and how do I increase them?
    Thanks

  5. Avatar

    Maxi

    October 27, 2018 at 2:21 am

    I’d just like to thank you Chris – after completing your program, my ex who wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, stated he never wants to marry anybody, and after a messy break-up, rekindled our relationship in July. It took about 6 months, but patience is virtue! He proposed to me last Sunday, and we are getting married in January. Your podcasts and program got me through a very difficult time in my life. Thankful!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 4:53 am

      Hi Maxi!

      I am very happy for you. Sometimes the little spark can grow into a fire of love. Its getting it started that can be the tricky part. You deserve far more credit than anyone else. Obviously, you are a very special woman. A real gem. Your guy is lucky to have you. Wish you and yours the best!

  6. Avatar

    Jill

    September 22, 2018 at 7:09 am

    Without writing an entire novel, I would just like to ask if I should get back with my children’s father (we have four children together), whom I have had an on again, off again association with for the past sixteen years. This makes twenty to thirty times we have cut ties with each other, but have always managed to find our way back to each other. He is a womanizer, but has admitted to me in the past that I am the love of his life (his exact words). Should I let him go so he can get the player out of his system, or should I end this toxic cycle and move on with my life for good; I love this man with all my heart and soul, and can’t imagine being with anyone else. He’s always the initiator in coming back into my life and asking for a second chance.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 23, 2018 at 4:56 pm

      Hi Jill!

      Not sure if I have seen a couple in and out of the relationship so much. Its seems like its almost has become an emotional crutch for him to just drop out when things are rough. The toxic and womanizer part is obviously not a good thing. If he returns again, perhaps you insist on couples counseling because such an endless cycle is not positive for you and the family.

  7. Avatar

    Sara

    January 26, 2018 at 10:31 pm

    Hello,

    My ex broke up with me on the 2nd of January after spending the holidays and new years with his family. We came back home on the 1st night and he broke up with me the next morning out of the blue. He claimed that he has been unhappy lately in the relationship and that he just needed space. I did all the ugly begging when he was breaking up with me. However, we still met and talked throughout this whole month. I’ve only been able to do NC for 5 days which he did contact me to go for dinner and I did, unfortunately. But the dinner went well and he was opening up about getting back together. When he left, he said he loves me which was very nice to hear. The following week, we got closer and we went out together, which at the end of the night he said he wants me back and we did get back together. However, 3 days later when we were talking about it, he actually did not remember saying that as he was drunk. It hurt me very much but I let it go. I left and told him, ‘take all the space you need’. The same night after he got off work, he texted me that he loves me. We worked together the next day (this was yesterday). But as usual, after our shift, we get cosy. Hold hands, he walked me home, and we decided to go to the bar. Got absolute smashed and everything came out. We talked about us, and we were both crying. He said he wanted it all with me, as we did planned on getting married in 2-3 years time. We were each other’s end game. No back up plans. But the relationship we had, hurt him. And he wanted to focus on his career and he said he’s not ready to commit to me yet.

    He’s my first love, and first heartbreak. So was I to him. We still love each other very much. I know I can’t change his mind at the moment, and I respect his decision and want to support him. I still told him that I will be there for him through everything and I will always love him. He says the same. I know he loves me, it shows very much. We are both having a hard time moving on from each other, but I think its because we can’t. However, he is coping much better than I am. I am ruined from this break up. He is too, but he is dealing with it better and I can see that he is fine. I am happy that he is happy now, I really am. But I just wish I can be part of that happiness.

    What do you think I should do right now? I love him and I want him back. I don’t think I will ever fully get over him.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2018 at 11:05 pm

      Hi Sara,

      Restart the nc rule, do at least 30 days and check this one:
      EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

  8. Avatar

    Ann

    January 26, 2018 at 10:27 pm

    I was in a relationship with a guy for one month or a bit more than one month, something like that. He suddenly left me, saying that his feelings for me were not the same any more and so on. The relationship progressed quite quickly, I would say, we were too in love after only a few weeks of dating, and I became way too clingy, so he maybe got scared and this is why he walked away. But before that, everyhting was OK, I mean we did have a routine, such as texting all day long, wishing each other “good night” and “good morning” every day (yes, the first thing I would do when I woke up was to check my phone to see his “good morning” text and I was so happy when I saw it). And we would meet often, and we had nothing to hide from each other (we knew where we were at, who we were with, so we hid nothing from one another).

    Do you think that he may come back because he may start missing me and our daily routine of messaging, even if we were together for a bit more than a month? Does the duration of the realtionship really matter, or can he come back even after just one month? Can he miss me and our routine after one month of dating?

    I’m in the NC period, and it’s so hard for me to stay away ffrom him, but I”m trying my best to do it. He hasn’t contacted me so far. Could there be a little chance that he still care about me, even if he hasn’t contacted me yet?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 29, 2018 at 11:20 am

      Hi Ann,

      it would be better to come from the point of view that he has moved on because in that way you wouldn’t act like there is something to hold on to. You would come from point of restarting everything. That means if he talks to you again or sees you again, he has to think you’re moving on through your actions, posts and not because you told him you’re moving on..

  9. Avatar

    Missinghim

    January 26, 2018 at 6:08 pm

    Hi guys.
    So me and my bf were in a LDR. We had dated for about 5 months then we had to move away to different cities for college. When we were dating in person he didn’t love me as much. I admit it he didn’t treat me right but he did put in efforts.
    Then we went to our respective colleges and he became really distant. I tried and tried to talk and hold convos but he just stopped talking after a while. I could not move on i would still try to talk to him.
    Then about 4 months after moving to our colleges i texted him to just clear everyhting out and tell him I’m moving on and that he hurt me a lot and stuff. That was a cold winter night and i cried and cried and then he blocked me on Whatsapp. I left him crying audio texts on his other account which he left on read but didn’t listen to them.
    That day i decided to move on. I started talking to another guy. Then about 10 days after i texted my ex he started calling and texting me begging me to take him back. I ignored him cause he had broken my heart and went on a date with the new guy. We kissed. Ex continued texting me so i said I have moved on i kissed someone else you should too. And he totally lost it!! Said he couldn’t believe i had kissed someone else. Said i must be lying. I ignored. Then one day he was begging and begging and said you dont want me? I said no. He got REALLY angry and said fine you’ll not hear my voice again I’m blocking you right now you win.
    I loved him but i was hurt and scared to take him back but this threat of him really scared me that i would lose him forver thati told him i love him. He told me he loved too. We got back together.
    We had LOT of issues the following year. I couldn’t forgivr him for leaving me so i really hurt him by fighting and he would beg forgiveness Trust issues esp cause of the distance. But we made it work. I really love him and loved him and he did too. He was really loyal. He did bad mouth me to a mutual friend sometimes but i think its cause i hurt him so much. I caught his texts and was furious and again he begged me to stay. But towards the end of the year we startes just drifting apart. We fought a lot. And during one the fights when i had him blocked (i blocked him a lot.. immature i know) he texted and talked to this friend of his sister. Now she lives just an hour from his place and I’m like a 15 hour flight away. He called her cute and he didn’t really compliment me much cause i always found his actions meant more so i was extremely jealous and hurt.
    Then he became sick and had to undergo surgery which rendered him unable to persue his only imp passion in life football. It rally hit him hard but i was there to support him. During this he changed his apartment and now lives across a guy who broke up with his ldr gf and says he’s happy now and i could see iy affecting my ex.
    My ex has still not recovered from surgery.
    But we met on his bday( by extreme budgeting on my part) and i gave him a bunch of handmade gifts and stuffout of money i had saved for months cause after all we are poor college students.
    We met about 5-6 times in the time we got back together. Mostly he xame to visit me but i also went to his place.
    Now ny ex’s college told him he has to redo the semester cause hw missed it for his surgery so he has a lot stress suddenly as he has to fit 6 more subjects in the same time.
    My bday was aboit to come and hw wanted to give me a dress as a gift and said he had very bug plansfor it. He kept asking me for mt size but i nevertold it to him (i am ashamed of my size).
    Anyways fast forward my bday came.. he just wishes me a dry hbd and then cause i was busy with family at the time and couldn’t pickup his call he became mad.
    Also i would like to mention that he never uploaded any status or pic related to me on his social media EVER whereas i did.
    I also told him to please just put one up.
    Anyways my ex and i mutually broke up i thought he would come back. He said we were jusy hurting each other and it’s not gonna work. I didn’t think he would actually leave.
    He did check my social media in that time tho.
    A week later i texted him saying let’s not break up and let’s try. He became stubborn he said i love you very much but i can’t do it now it won’t work my surgery has also gone a bit bad I’ll not be able to play for another 4 months and i just can’t do it.
    This time i lost it. I begged and cried cause he was LEAVING ME THE SECOND TIME.
    I really believe he’s my soul mate he’s a very very good guy and very good bf and he never plays games.
    I really want him back.
    Then i read your site and and went nc for aboit a week before contacting him. We started texting very little before he suddenly said i can’t do this i can’t talk to you until i move on I’m so sorry these texts have brought me back to square one. He sais i can’t grow with this relationship the distance has killed it. I hace not developed myself cause if all the efforts it takes and i cant do it anymore. I am being selfish but please.
    I again cried but i didnt let him know. I asked him to call me cause he had me blocked on phone but he refused he said i can’t hear your voice
    Then my friend called him saying it’s notfair just talk on the phone then decide.
    Now he always talks so gently to me and he was never rude. We talkedon the phone for about an hour and we laughed and talked about past and present.
    He was adding styff like you’ll be ok you’ll be fine when you’ll mive on .. i aske why do you want to move on we can make it work. He said no. I got angry i said fine block me and leave buy you’ll regret it. And i hung up.
    He called back after 15 minutes saying you want to try right? Fine see how much more painful it’ll get. Then he wished me gunnie cause he had class the nxt morning.
    That night i texted him I’d be there foe him and we’ll make it work. I told him not to worry about the relation and just focus on growing.
    He replied with good morning the next day. We texted about 4-5 days the next 2 days. He called me when he said he’d call me. He was very busy trying to handle his semester.
    The first night i tried to remind him of a memory. I texted him that but he had fallen asleep.
    The next day he jusy texted good morning with no reference to my text.
    I was hurt and decided to not reply.
    But couldn’t and texted him good eve. Then i called him but he didn’t pick up.
    I went out where he texted me he’s busy with his semester work he’ll call me soon. I said ok amd good luck.
    Then when i came back he texted me nothing is working out at his college. I said it will. He sais I’ll call you in a bit.
    Then he didn’t and i was really tired. I texted gunnie and gud luck everything will work out for you etc.
    He just wished gunnie. Didnt call or say anything else.
    My patience brokr ans i said he should block me and leave.
    He sais he agreed and said we shouldn’t try anymore.
    I said don’t pretend youu tried.
    I askes him to call me for minute. He said no dont play games. I said oh dont worry its over.
    He called the next second and i told him in an angry shaky voice to return me the stuff i gave him. He asked me am i sure ? I said yes. And i said block me from. everywhere. He sais You need to block me too. He always asks me to block him but i never do cause he says he checks up on my social networks.
    But this i blocked him from my phone and my whatsapp . He did too
    But my fb and Instagram is public and he hasn’t blocked me yet.
    I have tried to be cheery on social media but i did the same on my whstsapp when we were talking but he never said anything. I’m trying to improve myself
    Also i gained quite a lot of weight during the relationship. He even said so once that he was surprised to see how chubby i had become when he came to visit me. He’s a fitness freak but the gym also has been taken away cause of his surgery so he’s gaining weight ans said he feels ugly.
    That is all i can think if right now.
    Now i am confused. Earlier he said we’re hurting each other. Then i said i promise we’ll fix it then he started saying u can’t put so much effort.
    Im also concerned about that girl.. his sisters best friend. What if he has left me for her ? She’s very pretty and thin. She also lives near him.
    Also what if he really isso serious aboutmoving on and i just can’t bear it
    The last time he said it can’t work and i told him never to contact me again.
    I love him so much he’s such a great guy tho he complimented me very rarely i thought he was a man of actions and he reallu was but now he has just left me. He said i love you a lot and was a very very very good bf.
    I miss him so much i really think i want to spend my life with him.
    I’m not sure what to do.
    I have started nc but i am not sure if it will have any impact.
    Im really clueless.
    Have i losf him forver ? </3

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2018 at 10:57 pm

      Hi,

      when did you break up? This time try a full nc first. Go through thep process. If it doesn’t work then move on.

  10. Avatar

    Lost

    January 25, 2018 at 1:29 am

    Been in a relationship for 5 years from one day to the other out of a fight and ignoring and avoiding, he broke up and stuck to his opinion. We hardly had contact but had many things planned. Two days before the breakup we planned all kinds of things for the coming months and saying he loved me and everything. It’s been nearly one month now and two weeks ago when I asked him about the plans and that I need to know ( because he said he would reconsider us) he would tell me the I’m putting to much pressure on him with the choices but he understand. A week later he says he didn’t change his mind however didn’t give any answers. He barely told anyone about the break up but wouldn’t tell me if he wants to try again or if it is completely over. After sending him a long text the only reply he sent back the next day was a picture of something non topic. What does this all mean? And what shall I do? I want it to be good again!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2018 at 8:09 pm

      what was the long text you sent? At this point, you have to make it clear with him, if he doesn’t want to, then start the nc rule?

  11. Avatar

    bianca haupt

    January 24, 2018 at 7:14 am

    Hi

    I was dating my ex for about 10 months, everything was the best. he was more inlove with me than i was. he was exactly how i wanted him to be. i then started noticing that he just didnt call me anymore. he wouldnt text me but only respond. he would promise to come to me but then he drops me and rather spends time with his family. i then called him to discuss this and he said he doesnt know what he wants. he doesnt want a relationship and theres alot going on at his work. he then asked for space. at first i hated this and was so angry at him that i blocked him. he then messaged me and we spoke again. he then asked if we could spend new years together. I then went to him like a fool and he was giving me all his love and affection. i then asked him if he still wants space and he said no. I am not sure if this if because he was drinking because later that day he was supposed to come to me and he didnt. I then asked him about it and he went back to not wanting a relationship. I felt so used but yet i love this guy so much that I looked past that. i have been trying no contact but fail miserably because i miss him so much. we were meant to get married in Feb in court on our 1 year anniversary. We messaged now and then but he seems so gone and dead like he feels nothing. He speaks to me as if im just a normal girl. There is nothing coming from his side but i really want him back. he always said right up until the end that he was never unhappy with me, he just does not want a relationship. like if you were always happy, why would you give it up, I do not understand. This man has become my everything. I do not know where we went wrong or what i did wrong. Please help me get him back. we stay 3 mins from each other and to go to the shop I have to walk past his house which hurts so bad. The thought of him with another female kills me. As much as I love him, I cannot keep crying everyday, at work, in the bus, at home, when i go to sleep and when i wake up. I feel so tired, I feel like I can hurt myself. Please help me

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2018 at 7:46 pm

  12. Avatar

    squee

    December 4, 2017 at 12:32 am

    I got dumped a few days back. We have been physically together for 8 months and 2 months of long distance relationship. We met abroad while studying and we are from the same country. He recently graduated and started working while I am still in my third year. I have generally been a jealous girlfriend which makes him lie about a lot things. So after a month of ldr I started keeping track of his online activity. He asked for a break, I said I appreciate him for who he is and what he have done for me so far and that I will not let it bother me and then we made up. During that week, he was on a work vacation trip and he met his bosses’ daughters. I noticed he started following them on instagram. I questioned him about it, we argued a little then I left it for a bit. Then weeks later I felt like he was not making much effort to stay in touch with me online and when he video calls he is always playing video games. So I felt under appreciated and said let’s not waste each other time if you do not care enough to make me a priority. He said he just wanted to be alone and he can’t cope with what I want in this ldr but if we are single when I get back he want to try it again. Later I discovered that he have been chatting with the bosses’ daughter just as I suspected. He share with her things that he never shared, been hanging out together with his mates and even went for a movie. He complimented her a lot and have asked her what she thinks about him. His friend said she is just a colleague and that he told his friend it’s the girl who is interested in him and not the opposite. He is also talking to random girls a lot besides her. He asked me to forget about him for a bit, that he have a special place for me in his heart and is there if I need his help. I also found out he told his friends to check on me and at the same time was trying to keep the break up a low profile. I am feeling confused as to whether he really wants to continue being with me at some point, does he want to be with her it’s just a phase. Was i in wrong? Should I wait for him to contact me and then apologise? Or am I being delusional that he would want me back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 2:03 am

      Hi Squee,

      if he’s really not interested in her, he wouldn’t have continued talking to her.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  13. Avatar

    Raylene

    August 3, 2017 at 4:31 am

    Hi Amor,
    I’m having a really hard time. My ex-boyfriend and I have a very long history. I had moved to a new town 6 years ago where I first met him. He initially really liked me and wanted to start a relationship but I wasn’t ready for that. We lost contact for about half a year, and then we started talking again and going on dates because we both realized we really had feelings for each other. After that we started dating and continued the relationship for nearly 4 years (3 years and 9 months). For the most part it was great, we had great chemistry and really loved each other. Of course like every couple we had our arguments, but we always got through it. However, during the last 9 months of our relationship I started a new program with school so we spent less time together, which made the relationship a little more difficult. He ended up ending the relationship a day before I moved away for a clinical placement with school, because he said when looking into the future he didn’t get excited anymore. We ended up talking about half way through my being gone and he said we should discuss everything when I got home and hold off on deciding either way until then (which was only 3 weeks away). I agreed and so we did our own thing for 3 weeks. After I got home we met up and talked over everything. He said he still really cares about me and that he wishes he wanted to put the effort in to fix the relationship, but he just doesn’t have a desire to be in a relationship right now with anyone. He told me over and over again that it wasn’t me or anything that I did, but that he just really doesn’t have a desire to put the effort in. He said the thing that made him re-evaluate everything was that a lot of my friends were getting married this summer and it made him start thinking about a future with me, to which he decided he is unsure of. We are very young (21) and I have told him many times that I am in no rush to get married. He seemed very set in his mind that he did not want to try to make the relationship work. However, after we finished talking he walked me back to my car, and started crying and hugging me, and saying over and over again “I’m going to miss you. so much” Every time I would try to walk back to my car and let him go on his way, he would just keep pulling me back in and hugging me and crying and saying the same thing. It really confused me. I was super heartbroken because he was my high school sweetheart and my first love. We had gone through so many great changes together, from entering university and what not, and he really helped shape me into who I am today. Since then I have implemented no contact. Today I am on day 14. But I have no idea what to do. Is it even worth trying to get him back? To me it seems like he doesn’t really need me anymore. But in my heart I know I genuinely want to make things work.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 5, 2017 at 7:17 pm

  14. Avatar

    Annie

    July 29, 2017 at 4:29 am

    I think my ex dumped me to experience other women as you say. He only had one gf before me which was for 2 years in college and we were seeing each other for 5 years. Now he dumped me right before I’m turning 30 saying we both have “better options”. I knew this was bound to happen and the only way he will end up with me for good is when he can’t find better. He would tell me I have everything a guy could want, pretty, successful, he even called me a catch during the break up talk! It’s frustrating that I wasted so much time already and now it may take years and being with other girls for him to realize what he had. I guess it’s true you will never be good enough for a man who isn’t ready. He’s very emotionally immature. I still don’t see myself happy with anyone else and it’s frustrating knowing I can’t speed up the process. Even if I use your methods to get him back quickly he will still feel he didn’t get a chance to experience other women. He’s not even a player though only been with two girls by the age of 30. I blame society for making guys feel they can’t settle down until they have so many experiences first. Guys take longer to become successful these days and in turn take longer to start playing the field before settling down. No wonder so many men don’t even settle down by 40!

  15. Avatar

    Amy

    June 30, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    When he came back he said he missed me and said if I am single and I said I am and he said he wants to try again and then I did all the mistakes in the book and don’t know how to reverse all these mistakes!
    And now he is clearly backing off and seems like all my chances have minimized a great deal! What should I do!

    1. Avatar

      Amy

      July 7, 2017 at 8:53 pm

      When we first broke up, I was already planning on breaking up with him that’s why I gave him ultimatums to clean his act and told him I need a break from stuff and when I went back, he said that we should break up and that’s it’s not working and I was totally all right with it and told him to block me and he didn’t so I went ahead and blocked him for several months and before the NC period could be completed! I just didn’t want to get back with him anymore but after some more time, I still wanted him but thought it completely impossible so didn’t even thought of trying that’s why so many months passed although I still had feelings for him! Then I just wanted to wish him birthday because I was curious about him! He was cold and distant with me so I exchange mainly some texts with him after 4 months!
      Then after a month, he texted me out of the blue when I was just getting on with my life and talked in a pleasant and positive manner with me and it was like old times when we were really best friends too and then he said he will talk to me and then contacted me after a week and then it was constant contact but I should have left all the conversation before him and I should have left him wanting more but I didn’t do that and even had some little spats with him after some weeks and I got invested in him again and thats how all these NC periods got so prolonged!
      Now he is extremely distant and I am in no contact as you advised!
      I had improved alot but I suffer from depression so when I had a relapse, I went back to old habits! He was very caring during those moments and now he doesn’t seem to care at all!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2017 at 5:31 pm

      How many times have you done nc?

  16. Avatar

    Valerie

    June 29, 2017 at 12:29 am

    Hi guys,
    I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. I’m thinking this happened because, while we used to spend virtually all of our time together, he changed schools and suddenly it became hard for us to find enough time together. This was long distance by the way. I definitely was too “clingy” when it came to spending time together, and he was not communicating the issues he was having until the very end, where I did not even fathom that it might end our relationship. Buuuut he did. He seemed really upset but said it was for the best and that he couldn’t give me what I needed in a relationship. I tried 1.5 months of no contact, then I messaged him and we talked about non-relationship stuff. I tried to contact him again but he avoided talking. I am at a complete loss for what to do at this point.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 30, 2017 at 11:28 am

      How much did you improve during nc and how active were you in posting? What were the topics you used in talking to him?

  17. Avatar

    Tanisha

    April 29, 2017 at 2:22 pm

    So I (23 Y/o) have just come out of a relationship with my boyfriend (21 turning 22) of 6 months we had known each other for 3 years before that and were friendly. He actually initiated our relationship after he liked me for 3 years on and off. I know it was a short relationship but we were extremely close, he practically lived with me while we were finishing uni, we turned into best friends and we wanted to experience new things together. So last week after months of telling me to move in with him after uni, to attend his cousins wedding, to meet the family (which I did on numerous occasions) for him to meet mine, to be put on his car insurance he told me he wanted to break up because he didn’t want to commit and knew I wanted a long term relationship. It also turns out that he thinks he might like some girl from work because she makes him happy and is fun to be around and is a good cook and we had been arguing recently as I had been away for a week. He says he loves me and likes me more but says he thinks she doesn’t want a commitment either and he just wants to give it a try and see what happens, she is leaving to go back to Poland at the end of May but will return late August early September. He also says he sees a future with me but doesn’t want a future right now. This girl found out we broke up last week when he told her and over the weekend she broke up with her bf of 4 years. They are going to a horse racing event alone something that really hits home since that was our first date and he told me he wouldn’t just go with anyone, he also spent 3 -4 hours driving to pick this girl up from the airport regularly since she is from Poland and goes home every other weekend. They work together and have begun spending a lot of time together. It really hurts because I was skeptical of getting with him and he showed me throughout how I shouldn’t be but now I feel like I never really knew him. Help, I know I am young and everyone says I have my whole life ahead of me but I don’t see why that matters. What should I do? I’m scared if i apply the NC rule it will just push him further into her because we live in opposite areas, and he sees this girl everyday and spends evenings with her.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 30, 2017 at 12:12 pm

  18. Avatar

    Lola

    April 23, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    Me and my bf have been together for a year and almost two months. For the longest time he was obsessed with me and so good to me. He brought me flowers every week and always put me as his first priority. He sent me long sweet messages and wrote me poems and talked about marriage. He was head over heels. Well back in January we went on a three day vacation and became even closer. But I changed when we got back. I lost feelings for him and told him I was bored and no longer felt the spark. I even went as far as making him flirt with other girls to make me jealous because I read that makes you want someone more. I broke his heart into. But after a few weeks I fell deeply back in love. Only to find that he wasn’t the same. He became selfish, he spent more time with friends than me, I can’t remember the last time he brought me flowers, he says he hates talking on the phone when I ask why he never calls. And it’s stuff like that that made me feel so insecure and constantly question him about how he feels for me. I’ve become so clingy and emotionally needy. I worry all the time. I always try to talk about us with him and he’s become so distant. So finally last night I said I needed a break and he agreed so fast. I said something else and he said “I’m not talking about it right now” and I haven’t heard from him since. He didn’t even try to set guidelines for the break and discuss it first I feel like I’ve been shoved underwater before I got the chance to take a breath. I’m so lost. Is there any hope at all?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 29, 2017 at 8:00 pm

      you mean you’re doing the no contact rule right? If you are, focus on that first. Make the most of it in healing and improving yourself.

  19. Avatar

    Rachel

    March 8, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    I found out this guy I never even considered to have a relationship with really liked me through one of his friends. He would message me before I found this out and I never really pursued him until two months later I realized I was attracted to him . I heard from one of his friends he was looking for a relationship so that was a good sign to know he was not using me. We started talking and hanging out a few times for a month. The problem is, we are both studying abroad in a couple of months so it was really bad timing, but it did not stop me from wanting to get to know him better even though I knew it would not turn into anything too serious anytime soon. During the last week of us getting really close, he started avoiding me completely. No more texts or calls. One week later, the night of his birthday, I saw him at a party. I went up to him and wished him a happy birthday and one thing led to another and we started kissing at the party. I mentioned to him saying how he was avoiding me and he said “he was busy from finals” … As we were kissing, he said to me “I don’t want a relationship” ….I looked at him and replied, “I obviously know that. The semester ends in three days and we are both studying abroad in different countries” After I said that we started kissing again. That was the last time I heard from. Side note, at the party two of his friends came up to me and said how much they have heard about me. This was news to me since he was avoiding me for a week…. Moreover, when I got to the place I’m studying abroad (I know this may sound stupid) but he stopped liking all of my photos on social media. Even after we stopped talking, he would like my photos… UNTIL, about a week ago he liked a photo out of the blue and he reached out to me briefly messaging me about something, three days before he leaves for his country he is studying abroad at. My question is, do you think the reason why he stopped talking to me was because I was relationship material and he was getting too attached or he just lost interest? But why would he reach out to me randomly right before he leaves when I haven’t heard from him in so long? Also, why is he avoiding all of my photos when he used to like all of them? I know it may sound dumb but welcome to the 21st century and social media. Please respond.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2017 at 10:48 am

      Hi Rachel,

      he probably avoided you because of the impending distance.. Even if he liked you, he might have thought it’s hard to maintain a long distance relationship.

  20. Avatar

    Jackie

    February 20, 2017 at 9:27 pm

    My ex and I split up up after dating 7 years on and off we were very young grade school when we met love at first site a lot of things happened in our relationship finally my mom kicked me out of the house I was terrified so I asked him to come live with me. We lived together for about a year had loads of fun he met someone else thru a friends gf and we broke up he left i was devastated. He went his way I went mine I moved away for 2 years met a man and married him. So 6 years ago I found him on FB and he wants me back I am already married all those feeling of love and the really good times we had we never fought not even once we are really good together Soul mates we know each other better then anyone knows either of us I am so torn I want him back too I am terrified he came here at Christmas time to see me it was so comfortable like we had never been apart the conversation flowed as well as the tears. I am not even sure he is being truthful even tho he has said he has never lied to me or held anything back I really want to be able to trust him.I have an AMAZING husband but there is still something there between the ex and I.Weare 46 and 48 now and life is so short I am confused as to what to do

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2017 at 9:50 pm

      Hi Jackie,

      is it really love or it’s just the feeling of being in love with him?

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