What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?

Ex boyfriends complicate life don’t they?

“What are you talking about Chris?”

I know that’s a strange statement for me to put out there but if you really think about it there is truth to it. The reason you found this page is probably because you want to better understand your ex boyfriend. The reason your feelings are all over the place is probably because of him. Oh, and who could forget the pain you had to experience during the initial breakup (the breakup was caused by him by the way.)

The end result = a more complicated life.

After a breakup there are two outcomes that can occur. I will illustrate those outcomes below in the form of short little stories.

Boy meets girl.

Boy falls in love with girl.

Boy dates girl and the relationship is great for a while.

Boy has an issue and breaks up with girl.

Girl moves on.

Boy moves on.

For most of the women who visit Ex Boyfriend Recovery this is the story they are currently experiencing and this story frightens the living daylights out of them. As a result, they will do anything to avoid it. Especially that last sentence of,

“Boy moves on.”

No, the story that pretty much every woman on this site wants to unfold is this,

Boy meets girl.

Boy falls in love with girl.

Boy dates girl and the relationship is great for a while.

Boy has an issue and breaks up with girl.

Girl begins to move on while implementing “get your ex back” tactics.

The boy wants her back.

I want you to take a wild guess at which story we are going to be focusing on throughout this page?

If you guessed the one where the girl makes the boy want her back then you are right. Specifically, I want to focus on what goes through a mans head that makes him want to go back with his ex girlfriend or you in this case.

Will This Page Include A Step By Step Plan To Get Him Back?

There is only one purpose of this page, to teach you what makes an ex want to come back after a breakup. What I am hoping happens is that you will use the knowledge I give you to become someone that your boyfriend will want to come back to.

Of course, becoming someone that he will want back is only one step in a very complex process. This page is only going to be focusing on how to become “the one.” In other words, there won’t be a step by step guide teaching you how to get him back.

Now, before you roll your eyes and click the back button on your browser or phone I want to make you aware that I have already created a guide that will teach you how to get your ex boyfriend back, STEP BY STEP. My E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO will take you through every step of the reconnection process and show you everything you will need to do to get your ex back.

In addition to that, I have also written another book on what attracts men to women. In other words, if you do everything that book says then you will become exponentially more attractive to your ex boyfriend. That E-Book is called, The Secrets of Attracting Men.

Learn more about them below,

The Reasons Your Ex Boyfriend Would Want To Come Back


In this section I am going to go over every possible reason I can think of that would make an ex boyfriend want to come back to you after a breakup.

Of course, when I was brainstorming this section I discovered something very interesting.

Not all of the reasons for an ex boyfriend to come back to you after a breakup are good. In fact, some of them are downright horrible. As a result, I have decided to divide this category up into three different sections.

Section 1: Positive Reasons

This section is going to cover every single positive reason I can possibly think of that would make an ex boyfriend want to get back together with you. If you can successfully get your ex boyfriend to want you back for these reasons then you could be well on your way to a long lasting relationship.

Section 2: Neutral Reasons

Here we are going to take a look at the reasons that aren’t good or bad, they are simply “in between.” If you find that your ex boyfriend has a neutral reason for wanting to get back together with you it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, most of the women would kill to have ANY reason for an ex to want them back.

Section 3: Bad Reasons

In my mind it all boils down to the future. Can you and your ex boyfriend have a happy and healthy relationship going forward if you were to get back together? Well, if your ex wants you back for any of the reasons in this section then that means that your chances of having that happy and healthy relationship are going to be harmed. Why? Well, you’ll find out in a second 😉 .

First things first, lets start with the positive reasons.

Positive Reasons He Could Want To Come Back

(Learn how you can make him come back to you by getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

be positive

In this section we are only going to be focusing on the positive reasons that an ex boyfriend wants to come back.

Now, I am naturally assuming that you are wondering what made me pick the reasons below. It’s quite simple really. I have seen a lot of couples break up and I have seen a lot of couples get back together. This puts me in a very interesting position since I hear all the little details behind the mans reasoning for re-entering the relationship.

Of course, I have also seen a lot of couples that get back together break up again and when I ask for the details on why I always seem to determine that the overall mindset of the man when he re-enters the relationship is extremely important. If that mindset is found under the “neutral” or “negative” sections below then you can run into trouble sometimes.

All of the reasons below are positive because they will give you the best chance for sustaining a long relationship with your boyfriend. In other words, his mindset is going to be in the right place.

Positive Reason- Experience Has Taught Him You Are The Best

best in the world
A friend of mine told me a story recently that really resonated with me.

You see, my friend is no stranger to relationships. He has had multiple girlfriends and has even been married once. So, in that sense he is a veteran when it comes to the relationship game.

One day we got to talking about his history with relationships and he said something that struck me as fascinating. Out of all of the women he has dated in his life there is one that stands out above all the rest. You know, “the one that got away.”

The way he talked about this girl was incredible. He talked about how beautiful she was, how his heart would beat uncontrollably at the sight of her and how if he could go back in time he would do everything in his power to keep her.

Why do you think this story resonated with me?

Well, let me just say one thing. His story wouldn’t have resonated with me if I didn’t own this site.

I see ex boyfriends coming back all the time for a variety of different reasons. However, one of the most common reasons I see them wanting to come back is because they dub you as “the one that got away.”

Sometimes an ex has to go out into the world and experience new relationships for himself before he can come to the realization that you were the best girlfriend he ever had. Ironically, by the time he actually realizes that it’s too late you will have already moved on.

(Again, something I see all the time.)

Of course, there are some men out there that are completely aware that you are the best girlfriend they will ever have. However, what can generally happen is that these men aren’t ready to commit to you because they “haven’t experienced enough.”

According to the Huffington Post, the average age that a man starts looking to settle down has been on the rise.

In 1990 the average marrying age for men was 26 years old. In 2013 that number has been upped to 29 years old (a historic high.)

The end result is simple, more and more men want to get out and experience “more” before they settle down. This is important to keep in mind because it can actually explain why your ex may have broken up with you in the first place.

Now, I bet you are sitting there thinking,

“Could my ex boyfriend be thinking that I am the best he ever had?”

That depends on a number of factors both physically and emotionally.

Ideally, what you want to do is set the bar so high that no one will be able to compete with you in the relationship. Take my friend for example. He is currently 31 years old and has experienced probably over a dozen relationships AND he has even been married.

With all that experience in the dating game there is only one girl that he constantly thinks about.

The one who set the bar so high that no other girl could compare not even his WIFE (ex wife now though.)

Positive Reason- The Heat Of The Moment

Have you ever been so angry at someone that you said a bunch of things that you didn’t mean?

I remember when I had my first girlfriend I acted like a crazy person. At 15 years old I was absolutely thrilled that I got a member of the opposite sex to like me. Of course, the biggest issue here was the fact that I was very immature and didn’t understand how to deal with the feelings that you get in a relationship.

I remember one time I got into a fight with this girl over something ridiculous.

In the end my anger took over and I blurted out a bunch of insults that deep down I really didn’t mean.

After I was done with my little outburst the look on her face pretty much said it all as I came to reality and realized that I had hurt her on a very deep level.

Now, what I want to do with this section is take this same concept, the immature outburst, and apply it to your situation to see if your boyfriend had one right before he broke up with you.

The thing I have always found fascinating about relationships is the fact that they have the ability to make you magnify every little thing that the person you are dating does. For example, before you dated your now ex boyfriend I bet you that you really didn’t care as much if he took a picture with another girl.

You weren’t dating him so you didn’t really attach those “love” feelings to him yet.

This completely changes when you do attach those types of feelings to him. All of a sudden, you care very much on whether or not he takes a picture with another girl.

Well, the same type of principal applies to your boyfriend. As he is dating you every little thing that you do is going to be magnified for him. Now, some men understand this and deal with it in a very mature way by not overreacting over every little thing that you do.

However, a large portion of men aren’t very mature in how they handle the magnification.

Let me use an example to illustrate this point.

Lets stick with this idea of pictures.

Lets say that you harmlessly take a picture with one of your guy friends during a birthday party that his girlfriend set up. The picture is completely harmless meaning that you aren’t sitting in this guys lap, kissing him on the cheek, having your hands on him or anything that can be considered controversial. In fact, you didn’t even want to take the picture with him in the first place because you knew it could potentially upset your boyfriend. Peer pressure works on you though and you decide to do it (his girlfriend even took the picture.)

When the inevitable birthday party update happens on Facebook. You are tagged in the picture and your boyfriend ends up seeing the picture (even though you didn’t post it.)

Now, since we already know that everything is going to be magnified for your boyfriend it is pretty much a given that he could freak out if he sees the picture which can lead to an argument which can lead to a fight which can lead to him saying things he doesn’t mean.

Do you see how that progression works?

Lets make another leap here and say that this little incident with the picture was what caused your relationship to end.

When your boyfriend saw the picture he obviously got angry and jealous. Those emotions caused him to say a lot of things that he didn’t mean. When he comes down off his anger trip he is going to realize that he may have potentially made a mistake.

He is going to see the situation from a more logical perspective and realize that you are a gem and he is a fool for letting you go.

The question you have to ask yourself now is if he is worth taking back?

This is really the ultimate position to be in because you control the entire game at this point.

However, if you are asking my opinion on whether or not to take a boyfriend back in this exact situation (with the picture fight, etc, etc) I would have one piece of simple advice. If your entire relationship has been like this with him overreacting, causing a huge fight and never having any empathy then you might want to think twice before getting yourself into another situation where you let history repeat itself.

Yes, this is a positive reason for him wanting you back but if this reason causes you to continually break up and get back together then there may have a deeper problem.

Positive Reason – Missing The Routine

Have you ever noticed that when you date someone there is a certain routine that you get into?

For example, the first thing that you may do when you wake up is check your phone to see if your boyfriend texted you. Next, you may spend the entire day sending texts back and forth to each other. After the day is finished you may meet your boyfriend somewhere to be with him. Of course, when that time is over you go home and probably text him again or talk to him on the phone.

My point is simple, this is the routine of your relationship and I have found that people like routines.

It could be entirely possible that the drastic change of a breakup is very hard on your boyfriend because all of a sudden he is ripped away from the routine that he has gotten so used to.

You see this a lot with men who are dating women for long periods of time (1 year +.)

So, why is it a good sign if your ex boyfriend comes back to you because he misses the routine?

Look at it this way.

That routine isn’t possible without your relationship. Heck, it can even be argued that the routine and your relationship are closely intertwined. It is because of that routine that your relationship is even possible.

So, if your ex boyfriend begins missing the routine of your relationship it is really like saying he is missing you.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Neutral Reasons He May Want To Return

(Learn how you can make him come back to you by getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

When it comes to relationships nothing is ever black or white. Most of the time it is a lot more complicated than “good reasons” vs “bad reasons.” In this section we are going to explore the type of reasons that are in between good or bad.

Probably the thing that I have found most interesting about “neutral reasons” is that they can have the ability to be both good or bad depending on a lot of different factors.

Our first reason is a perfect example of this phenomenon.

He Comes Back Because He Misses You

miss you
Now, I know exactly what you are thinking.

“How in the world is this not a good reason?”

Allow me to educate you.

I dated a girl for a year between the ages of 19-20. Every time I think back to that relationship it literally hurts my stomach because of how much stress it gave me. I am a very calm and genuine person. I have always been that way but in that relationship I wasn’t calm or genuine.

It made me into a completely different person.

In fact, I didn’t think it was possible to have as many fights in a relationship as I did with this person.

My main point here is simple, the two of us were clearly not a good match for each other. Yet despite all of that I still missed her when I broke up with her. Yes, I knew it was ultimately the right decision but I still missed her. I feel it is normal.

Think of it this way, if I had gone back to her when I missed her right after the breakup would I have been giving the relationship the best chance in the long run?

I mean, what had changed this time around?

What if after 3 months of being broken up I still missed her?

By this time I would have probably been thinking more logically and the inevitable “missing after the breakup” would have already occurred.

In other words, timing is everything when it comes to missing.

Negative Reasons He May Want You Back

(Learn how you can make him come back to you by getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

negative nancy
Lets move on to the negative reasons that your ex boyfriend could want you back.

Now, I know that pretty much every woman prowling this site would sell a small piece of their soul to get back with their exes. However, you might want to think twice before you sign on the dotted line. I know I say this a lot but I really mean it. I am in a very unique position in that I have seen a lot of relationships succeed and fail.

If there is anyone you should listen to when it comes to the topic of exes it should be me.

I am here to tell you that sometimes if your ex wants you back and it is because of a “negative reason” it might be best to move on and not take them back.


Well, if you get back with a boyfriend because of any of the reasons below then the chances of your relationships succeeding long term aren’t going to be very high.

You’ll see what I mean.

Negative Reason- He’s Bored

I want to tell you a little story.

A few days ago I got an interesting email from a reader here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Her boyfriend had broken up with her because he “lost feelings.” The breakup really hurt because she was convinced that he was “the one.” So, she did what any self respecting woman would do… she came to the internet and found my site. After a few hours of reading the material here she decided that the smartest thing to do going forward was to implement the no contact rule.

So she did.

5 days is all it took… 5 days before he came crawling back.

“I miss you so much. It’s so BORING without you.”

If your ex is bored without you is that a good sign or a bad sign?

It’s actually bad because a solid relationship can’t be built on a foundation of boredom. Essentially what your ex is saying here is that there is no one else around so you are the best option that they know they can get.

Negative Reason- For Sex

If you haven’t already read my post on exes who use you I suggest you take about ten minutes and get through that (it has some interesting insights about men.)

Lets do some role playing.

Lets say that you and I dated for about a year and I broke up with you citing some ridiculous reason about my feelings not being the same. The truth is that I just wanted to get out there and experience more women. There’s just one problem… turns out that “more women” don’t want to experience me.

Of course, we are talking about me here and I can be stubborn sometimes so rather than crawling back to you with my tail between my legs I decide to see if I can get away with making you my booty call and I do… for a while. Pretty soon you start to develop those inevitable feelings and demand that we become an item again.

Understanding that this is a very delicate situation and I could lose my “sex partner” I decide to make you my girlfriend again. Here’s the thing though. The only reason I am making you my girlfriend is because I am getting sex from you. I am still keeping an eye out for other women to “experience.” The second that I find one I am going to break up with you and go to her.

Do you see how this is a negative reason now?

Negative Reason- He Sees You With Another Man

When I was a small child I got a video game system for Christmas one year. I was so excited to play with it that I would literally invite all of my friends over and all we did during Christmas break was play on this thing. Of course, I began to notice something really troubling with my best friend.

He became extremely jealous of the fact that I had this video game system and he didn’t. So, he went home and threw a temper tantrum until he got his parents to buy the same video game system that my parents had gotten me for Christmas.

Keep this anecdote in mind because it is going to apply to what I am talking about here.

A common trend I see here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that women who try to get their ex boyfriends back end up failing but rather than letting that failure make them miserable they decide to pick up the pieces and move on. Eventually they do find someone new and fall in love with him.

Of course, the initial ex that they were trying to get back in the first place is watching all of this and begins to grow jealous.

Here is where the anecdote comes back into play.

Imagine that you are me and you just got a new video game system (your new man.) Your ex is my best friend and he grows jealous of the new video game system (your new man.) All of a sudden, you start to see your ex trying to win you back.

A few months ago you literally prayed every night for this to happen but now that you have moved on you are filled with confusion on whether or not to give it a try with the new man or go back to the old one who broke your heart.

Let me tell you why its a bad idea to go back to your ex in this case.

Lets say that you do go back to your ex boyfriend. You break up with the new boyfriend and give this thing another shot with your old flame. Well, the problem with this is that the only reason you were suddenly attractive to your ex again is because he saw you with another guy.

That’s it.

The second you leave that new guy to become exclusive with him is the second that he begins to lose interest again…


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter