I’ve written a lot about the no contact rule on this site.
- I wrote about what it is here.
- I wrote about what men are thinking about during it here.
- Heck, I have even written a book about how it fits in, in the entire “ex back” process here.
Unfortunately, one thing that I have never done is write about what men are thinking AFTER the no contact rule.
A few days ago one of my coaching clients contacted me with an interesting request.
She basically told me that most of the women who implement the no contact rule end up contacting their exes first after the no contact rule is over. For example, lets say that you were to use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend for 30 days.
Well, at the end of that 30 days you would end up contacting your ex boyfriend to start the “get your ex back” process. Well, this woman was curious as to what was going on in the mind of a man AFTER the no contact rule had already be implemented.
In other words, what would your ex boyfriend be thinking after you had successfully performed the no contact rule on him?
Well, that is what this page is going to explore.
We Are Going To Make An Assumption
As you know, Ex Boyfriend Recovery and the no contact rule have become very closely associated with one another.
That is because getting your ex boyfriend back can sometimes rely pretty heavily on the no contact rule.
So, as I explained above, this page is going to focus on what is going on in your exes mind after you implement the no contact rule. Well, this is where I need to make one thing clear. In order for this page to make sense we are going to have to make an assumption.
The Assumption- That you have successfully completed a 30 day no contact rule on your ex boyfriend.
Would you like to know why it is important that we make this assumption?
Imagine for a moment that you had attempted the 30 day no contact rule and failed at it.
Lets say you only lasted something like a week.
Well, a one week no contact rule isn’t going to have the same affect that a four week no contact rule will have.
In other words, what a man will think after a failed no contact rule will be different than what he is going to be thinking during a successful one and since we are all positive thinkers here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery we are going to just focus on the successful no contact rule.
Now, I know a lot of you reading this page probably haven’t even finished your no contact yet and that is ok. Really what I want this page to be for you is a “what to expect” type page when you do successfully get through your no contact rule.
The Five Things Men Will Think AFTER No Contact
I am a man so you know for a fact that I can bring you some very valuable insight when it comes to what men are thinking before, during and after no contact. Now, I will be the first to admit that no woman has ever done a 30 day no contact rule on me but I have been on the receiving end of a half day, day and three day no contact rule and let me tell you that it drove me absolutely crazy.
In this section I am going to be talking about some of the thoughts that your ex boyfriend might potentially have after the no contact rule assuming that you completed a 30 day rule on him.
But just a reminder, if you want the most comprehensive resource out there on the No Contact Principle, then go pick up a copy of my popular eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.
I have pinpointed the top five things that he will be thinking and as always I will be covering each of these things in a very in-depth manner.
Oh, you probably want to know the things that your ex would be thinking don’t you?
- What A Bi&*h
- Why Didn’t She Respond To Me
- She Must Be Disinterested In Me
- Was She Playing Games?
- Extreme Guilt
Lets take a moment to look at all of these thoughts.
1 – What A Bi&*h
When I wrote Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO a few years ago and I told people that using a no contact rule on an ex might make an ex think negative thoughts about them they always seem to get upset and think the strategy doesn’t work.
I actually don’t even blame them for getting upset either.
After all, the no contact rule is supposed to help reunite a happy couple. Not make one member think the other is a total bit*h.
But lets take a step back and really take a look at what is going on in your exes head and probably the best way to do that is to give you a real life example.
When I was in college I was friends with this guy who was literally head over heels for this girl. Well, he ended up taking this girl on one date and he thought that the date went pretty well. I remember as clear as yesterday him saying that he thinks that this girl was “the one.”
Yes, after just one date he said this to me.
Unfortunately for him, “the one” didn’t really think the same thing he did as she didn’t think the date went well at all. So, she decided to get rid of him the only way she knew how without hurting his feelings, ignoring him.
The more she ignored him the angrier he got and the angrier he got, the more he called her a bit*h.
Here is the funniest part though, despite calling her all those names behind her back he was very persistent in trying to win her and eventually he did.
The point I am trying to make here is that if anyone is angry at you ignoring them it is because they want to talk to you.
So, the fact that your ex could be calling you names because of the fact that you are ignoring him just really means he wants to be heard by you and hasn’t been given that chance yet.
2 – Why Didn’t She Respond To Me?
Your ex boyfriend is probably going to wonder why you didn’t respond to him after the no contact rule has been completed.
I told you above that the no contact rule has been used on me in certain cases but never for an extended period of time like 30 days. What I can tell you though about my experience on being on the receiving end of the no contact rule is that when I felt ignored I found myself wondering,
“Why the heck isn’t she responding to me?”
You begin to wonder things like,
“Is she doing this on purpose?”
“Maybe she is just away from her phone and can’t respond?”
Of course, it’s a total mindfu** for men when a woman does respond to them after a certain amount of time. You will find us sitting there being like,
“Why the heck didn’t you respond to me in the first place?”
In fact, some men will grow so annoyed at being ignored that they will be very direct with you and ask you something like this through a text message,
* (Text message above was an example taken out of my book, The Texting Bible.)
If you end up getting a response like this from your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule has been completed then I would be extremely happy.
By your ex saying that it means that he was extremely annoyed about the fact that you wouldn’t respond to him.
What does that tell you?
THAT HE WANTED YOU TO RESPOND TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!
Look, I have been ignored before by a woman and let me tell you that it is extremely annoying to want nothing more to be heard when instead you are ignored. It makes you feel a little insignificant as a man and the more insignificant a man feels the more he will feel like he has to prove.
3 – She Must Be Disinterested In Me
Some men will go to extremes after the no contact rule is over.
In fact, this is something that so many of my coaching clients ask me about that I decided to make a video about it to further explain the concepts I am about to unfold for you below,
They will hate being ignored by you so much that they will tell themselves,
“Oh, it’s time to move on because she wants nothing to do with me.”
This is what most of the women on this site who employ the no contact rule are so afraid of. They are scared that if they use the no contact rule on their ex that he will think that they want nothing to do with him and I am not going to lie to you, some men will think that.
However, that doesn’t mean that he won’t come back. In fact, it might even be a good thing because as I have pointed out so many times men love women who are a challenge.
Why do they love a challenge?
Because they are more competitive by nature and they need to feel like they have to “win you over.”
Women who are easy aren’t as high of value to a man.
Think of it like this.
Lets take two sports cars and compare them.
What are the sports cars?
- A Mustang
- A Lamborghini
Every year millions of Mustangs are made for consumers whereas only a certain amount of Lamborghinis are made.
What do you think people go more crazy over?
The Mustangs or the Lamborghinis?
The lambo’s of course!
Because they are rarer and of higher value.
Don’t believe me?
The most expensive Mustang ever sold at an auction was a 1.3 million dollar 1967 Shelby Mustang. That mustang had decades to increase in value.
Well, last year alone Lamborghini made 3 cars (only 3) that sold for 3.9 million each.
Oh, and they were fresh out of the shop and didn’t have decades to rise in value.
Bottom line is that sometimes it isn’t a bad thing if your ex boyfriend thinks you are over him because it may mean that you have just evolved from a Mustang to a Lamborghini!
4 – Was She Playing Games?
Lets turn our attention to the type of man who has a brain and realizes that you are probably playing some sort of game by not contacting him.
Now, I will admit that for you this is probably the worst type of ex boyfriend to have because he probably knows exactly what is going on. He probably knows that you are ignoring him on purpose so that he will miss you and ultimately want you to come back.
Lets assume that you and I dated and we broke up with each other. Well, after the break up you employ the no contact rule on me. There is just one problem, this is me we are talking about here and I run a website where I teach women how to get their exes back so I pretty much know every trick in the book.
Speaking of books, you really need to check out my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book“. It’s epic in length and cover just about every question or situation that might crop up during this whole process.
In other words, I know exactly what you are trying to do with the no contact rule.
I guess the question I am throwing out here is,
Will the no contact rule work on someone who knows it is happening to them?
Well, yes and no.
Allow me to expand on that.
We are going to stick with our example here for a moment and say that you and I dated in the past.
Well, if our relationship was absolutely horrible and riddled with fights, disagreements, jealousy, trust issues and drama 24/7 there is a pretty good chance that my feelings are going to be lost.
Well, in this case, if I knew the no contact rule was being employed on me it probably wouldn’t be effective since I probably don’t want to get myself back in a situation like that.
However, what about if our past relationship was great?
Would the no contact rule work then if I knew it was going on?
Yes, it absolutely would because I would hate to be ignored and it would increase your value.
5 – Extreme Guilt
Time has an amazing affect on men. You see, when something very emotional happens (like a break up) we tend to think very angry thoughts. In fact, I think a case could be made that everyone who goes through a break up will think angry thoughts.
Eventually though, when time takes hold of the situation, men begin to mellow out and gain some perspective on the situation.
They begin to think of all the little things they did wrong in a relationship and start to feel some extreme guilt.
Allow me to give you an example.
Lets say that you and your ex boyfriend constantly fought over his flirty nature.
You see, during your relationship he was always flirting with other girls and saying things like,
“We should go out some time.”
Now, to your knowledge he never cheated on you or anything that extreme but the way he would communicate with other women was very alarming to you and when you brought it up to him he became very defensive which of course started a fight.
In fact, this problem became so prevalent in your relationship that you two literally broke up over it.
It always kind of bugged you that he didn’t think he did anything wrong with the way he was talking to other women (he clearly did.) Well, after the break up it may take some time for it to kick in but eventually he will face the truth of the situation, that he was in the wrong.
The “If That Happened To Me” Factor
One of the most interesting ways that men can sometimes realize how bad they were in a relationship is something I like to call the “If That Happened To Me” factor.
What is it?
Ok, imagine for a moment that we are dating and I do the same thing to you as I described above, I flirt with other women in a very alarming manner.
Perhaps at the time, for some bizarre reason, I thought it was ok to flirt the way I did.
Now, lets say after the breakup you complete the no contact rule on me which of course is going to give me a lot of time to think.
What am I going to think during this time?
Well, I am going to probably run an interesting comparison in my head.
“What if what I did to her happened to me?”
“What if she had flirting with other men the way I flirted with other girls?”
Ok, stepping out of the fake example for a moment. I can tell you right now that I would be very upset if I found my significant other was flirting with other men in this type of alarming manner.
Because if someone is willing to flirt that heavy then that means the chances are higher that they might cheat in the future.
So, by using the no contact rule on an ex boyfriend who was clearly in the wrong in your relationship with him will give him time to think and with that time can come guilt over what he has done or how he has wronged you.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that this guilt isn’t entirely exclusive just to the breakup reason. In fact, you may learn in the future after the no contact rule that your ex was feeling guilty over some fight that you thought was insignificant. Of course, in order for your ex to feel this guilt you have to give him time in the form of the no contact rule.
The Five Different Reactions Men Can Have AFTER No Contact
As of this moment this website has had over 38,000 women comment on it.
As of this moment we have over 20,000 men and women purchase a product from us.
That means that close to 60,000 women have read about the no contact rule and a very high percentage of those women have actually tried it out on their ex boyfriends. Well, one of the most beautiful things about this website is the fact that I actually get to interact with thousands of women and hear how their attempt to get their ex back goes.
What does that mean?
Well, it means that I have seen the no contact rule used a lot on ex boyfriends and have seen just about every reaction from them in the book.
In this section I would like to talk about the five most popular reactions from an ex boyfriend after the no contact rule is implemented.
Here is a rundown of the five most popular reactions after no contact,
- Being Super Happy To Hear From You
- Being Happy But Very Careful In His Responses
- Responding Very Angrily
- Responding Neutrally
- Not Responding At All
Lets take a look at these reactions right now.
1 – Being Super Happy To Hear From You
I wanted to start off with this reaction because this is without a doubt one of the most common reactions that you are going to get from your ex after you use the no contact rule.
Just ask a few of our success stories.
In fact, I know myself really well.
Better than anyone actually 😉 .
Want me to let you in on a secret on how I would react if someone I cared about a lot used the no contact rule on me?
During it’s use on me I would probably be extremely upset and angry with the person who used it on me. However, after about a week or two I would start to calm down and think about the situation. Eventually as the days and weeks go by I would just be hoping for any kind of reaction or response from the person using NC.
So, eventually when that “reach out” or “response” comes I would be over the moon.
In fact, I would be so over the moon that I wouldn’t care that this person essentially ignored me for a month. I would just be happy to hear from them.
It’s funny, so many women on this site are scared to death that their ex is going to resent them for doing the no contact rule and the truth is that he will but it won’t be permanent.
Everyone hates being ignored when they want nothing more than to be heard and that is essentially what the no contact rule does.
It forces you to ignore your ex when he wants nothing more than to be heard.
He is going to resent that a little bit at first but eventually he is going to miss you so much it is going to trump that resenting emotion.
It’s exactly how I work so you know for a fact that it’s going to work on just about any other man out there.
Lets move on to the next reaction.
2 – Being Happy But Careful In His Responses
Lets say that you and I previously dated and you broke up with me due to some stupid reason.
After some self reflection by you, you realize that you made a big mistake in breaking up with me.
(I mean, lets face it I am pretty awesome!)
You become desperate to get me back so you end up going to the internet to search for advice. Your internet search eventually lands you on this site and you learn about the no contact rule which you swiftly place into effect. Now, the no contact has a pretty decent effect on me because it makes me miss you and I want nothing more than to have a conversation with you.
However, that is not the only thing going on in my mind.
Yes, I miss you but I am also aware by ignoring me during the no contact rule you are playing a game and this sets off an alarm in my head.
What is the alarm?
“I need to be careful around her.”
In other words, when the time finally does come for us to communicate after the no contact rule I am going to be half in and half out when I respond to you.
In my mind I am going to need something from you to prove that you still are interested in me because after all, you were the one who broke up with me and you were the one ignoring me during no contact.
Now, if you follow the advice I have laid out in this site you will give your ex that special something he needs to understand that you are still interested in him.
What is the main takeaway from this section?
It’s that if you find your ex responding positively after the no contact rule but you can also feel this distance in his responses then it is probably because he is looking for something more from you before he takes the risk of opening up to you.
3 – Responding Very Angrily
This is a response that most of my one on one clients are terrified of yet it rarely happens.
And in the unfortunate situation where it does happen after the no contact rule it’s actually pretty easy to understand.
Your ex, who probably wants to talk to you, is ignored for 30 days and grows angry because he doesn’t get what he wants, to talk to you.
I almost look at men who are super angry after the no contact rule like toddlers who go to the store and throw a tantrum because their mommy or daddy won’t buy them the toy they wanted.
A lot can go through the mind of a man during the no contact rule.
In this particular instance it is important for you to understand that the underlying reason that your ex is angry with you after no contact is because he wanted to talk to you during the freeze out period and his ego can’t take being ignored. Now, most women freak out when they get an angry response from an ex and they think their chances of winning him back are over completely.
This is the wrong way to view the situation.
Ok, lets put on our logic caps for a moment.
Lets say that after the no contact rule you reach out to your ex boyfriend and he responds with this,
Now, you have been waiting a long time for this moment so most likely you are going to be extremely disappointed with that response but if you really break it down it’s not that bad of a response at all.
It is clear that your ex boyfriend is upset with you, yes.
However, notice how he is upset with you because you ignored him during no contact. That means that all he really wanted during that time was to talk to you. So, if after no contact he is still upset for the same reason that means that the intent to talk to you is still there.
In other words, the more angry he gets the more he really cares.
4 – Responding Neutrally
I suppose in order for us to to fully understand this section we first need to understand what a “neutral response” is.
My E-Book, The No Contact Rule Book teaches women that after the no contact rule they should actually reach out to their exes with a text message that is so interesting that is impossible for him not to respond. How he responds to that message is going to dictate how positively, negatively or neutrally he views you.
Well, if your ex boyfriend responds with a neutral response it would look something like this,
This would be considered a neutral response.
Now, the question in play here is what could possibly be going on in your exes mind if he gives you this type of response?
Generally speaking, if after no contact, your ex gives you this response it means he is either holding some type of resentment or anger over either the breakup or the no contact rule. Now, is that a good thing or a bad thing for you?
Well, I personally think it depends.
Some men are very passive aggressive and will hold their anger in over the breakup and it can come out in the form of neutral responses.
The key for dealing with these types of men is patience.
Here is how I would deal with this situation if I was in your shoes and it happened to me.
Rather than freaking out over a neutral response I would wait a day or two and then try again with another text. If the ex responds more positively then you know for a fact that you can advance things. However, if you try reaching out 3-5 times to your ex and he responds either negatively or neutrally each of those times it is at this point you know that his anger, resentment or disappointment runs deep and he may need more time to deal with the situation.
5 – Not Responding At All
Ok, for women who are using the no contact rule this is really the worst case scenario.
You use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and then after NC, according to the instructions via Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO you send a text message and your ex doesn’t respond. You have a pretty good head on your shoulders so you don’t freak out. You wait a week, send another text message and he doesn’t respond.
Ok, now you are are starting to get a little worried.
Of course, the world hasn’t ended yet as you wait yet another week and then try again.
Still no response…
What the heck is going on?
Well, if your ex refuses to talk to you after the no contact rule I think there are a few things that you have to take a look at.
Generally speaking an ex can get upset over the no contact rule being used on him and think to himself,
“Fine, I don’t need her. I am not going to talk to her at all.”
Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won’t be able to resist a response.
So, while it is possible that he could hold so much resentment for you ignoring him that he won’t even respond to you at all it is unlikely.
What is the more likely truth is that your ex holds resentment over the breakup or the reason you broke up.
You hurt him or angered him so deep that he doesn’t want to talk to you again.
For example, lets say you cheated on him with his best friend (totally not true but bear with me here.) If that happened to me, my significant other cheated on me with my best friend I would be so upset I would not be able to even talk to my significant other.
If your breakup reason hit him so hard emotionally it is entirely possible that he wont want to talk to you at all.
So, I guess the question you are wondering is how can you get him to talk to you?
Well, only The No Contact Rule Book can answer that 😉 .