I’ve written a lot about the no contact rule on this site.

  • I wrote about what it is here.
  • I wrote about what men are thinking about during it here.
  • Heck, I have even written a book about how it fits in, in the entire “ex back” process here.

Unfortunately, one thing that I have never done is write about what men are thinking AFTER the no contact rule.

A few days ago one of my coaching clients contacted me with an interesting request.

She basically told me that most of the women who implement the no contact rule end up contacting their exes first after the no contact rule is over. For example, lets say that you were to use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend for 30 days.

Well, at the end of that 30 days you would end up contacting your ex boyfriend to start the “get your ex back” process. Well, this woman was curious as to what was going on in the mind of a man AFTER the no contact rule had already be implemented.

In other words, what would your ex boyfriend be thinking after you had successfully performed the no contact rule on him?

Well, that is what this page is going to explore.

We Are Going To Make An Assumption

As you know, Ex Boyfriend Recovery and the no contact rule have become very closely associated with one another.

That is because getting your ex boyfriend back can sometimes rely pretty heavily on the no contact rule.

So, as I explained above, this page is going to focus on what is going on in your exes mind after you implement the no contact rule. Well, this is where I need to make one thing clear. In order for this page to make sense we are going to have to make an assumption.

The Assumption- That you have successfully completed a 30 day no contact rule on your ex boyfriend.

Would you like to know why it is important that we make this assumption?

Imagine for a moment that you had attempted the 30 day no contact rule and failed at it.

Lets say you only lasted something like a week.

Well, a one week no contact rule isn’t going to have the same affect that a four week no contact rule will have.

In other words, what a man will think after a failed no contact rule will be different than what he is going to be thinking during a successful one and since we are all positive thinkers here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery we are going to just focus on the successful no contact rule.

Now, I know a lot of you reading this page probably haven’t even finished your no contact yet and that is ok. Really what I want this page to be for you is a “what to expect” type page when you do successfully get through your no contact rule.

The Five Things Men Will Think AFTER No Contact

I am a man so you know for a fact that I can bring you some very valuable insight when it comes to what men are thinking before, during and after no contact. Now, I will be the first to admit that no woman has ever done a 30 day no contact rule on me but I have been on the receiving end of a half day, day and three day no contact rule and let me tell you that it drove me absolutely crazy.

In this section I am going to be talking about some of the thoughts that your ex boyfriend might potentially have after the no contact rule assuming that you completed a 30 day rule on him.

But just a reminder, if you want the most comprehensive resource out there on the No Contact Principle, then go pick up a copy of my popular eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

I have pinpointed the top five things that he will be thinking and as always I will be covering each of these things in a very in-depth manner.

Oh, you probably want to know the things that your ex would be thinking don’t you?

  1. What A Bi&*h
  2. Why Didn’t She Respond To Me
  3. She Must Be Disinterested In Me
  4. Was She Playing Games?
  5. Extreme Guilt

Lets take a moment to look at all of these thoughts.

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1 – What A Bi&*h

When I wrote Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO a few years ago and I told people that using a no contact rule on an ex might make an ex think negative thoughts about them they always seem to get upset and think the strategy doesn’t work.

I actually don’t even blame them for getting upset either.

After all, the no contact rule is supposed to help reunite a happy couple. Not make one member think the other is a total bit*h.

But lets take a step back and really take a look at what is going on in your exes head and probably the best way to do that is to give you a real life example.

When I was in college I was friends with this guy who was literally head over heels for this girl. Well, he ended up taking this girl on one date and he thought that the date went pretty well. I remember as clear as yesterday him saying that he thinks that this girl was “the one.”

Yes, after just one date he said this to me.

Unfortunately for him, “the one” didn’t really think the same thing he did as she didn’t think the date went well at all. So, she decided to get rid of him the only way she knew how without hurting his feelings, ignoring him.

The more she ignored him the angrier he got and the angrier he got, the more he called her a bit*h.

Here is the funniest part though, despite calling her all those names behind her back he was very persistent in trying to win her and eventually he did.

The point I am trying to make here is that if anyone is angry at you ignoring them it is because they want to talk to you.

So, the fact that your ex could be calling you names because of the fact that you are ignoring him just really means he wants to be heard by you and hasn’t been given that chance yet.

2 – Why Didn’t She Respond To Me?

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to wonder why you didn’t respond to him after the no contact rule has been completed.

I told you above that the no contact rule has been used on me in certain cases but never for an extended period of time like 30 days. What I can tell you though about my experience on being on the receiving end of the no contact rule is that when I felt ignored I found myself wondering,

“Why the heck isn’t she responding to me?”

You begin to wonder things like,

“Is she doing this on purpose?”


“Maybe she is just away from her phone and can’t respond?”

Of course, it’s a total mindfu** for men when a woman does respond to them after a certain amount of time. You will find us sitting there being like,

“Why the heck didn’t you respond to me in the first place?”

In fact, some men will grow so annoyed at being ignored that they will be very direct with you and ask you something like this through a text message,

ignoring me text message

* (Text message above was an example taken out of my book, The Texting Bible.)

If you end up getting a response like this from your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule has been completed then I would be extremely happy.


By your ex saying that it means that he was extremely annoyed about the fact that you wouldn’t respond to him.

What does that tell you?


Look, I have been ignored before by a woman and let me tell you that it is extremely annoying to want nothing more to be heard when instead you are ignored. It makes you feel a little insignificant as a man and the more insignificant a man feels the more he will feel like he has to prove.

3 – She Must Be Disinterested In Me

Some men will go to extremes after the no contact rule is over.

In fact, this is something that so many of my coaching clients ask me about that I decided to make a video about it to further explain the concepts I am about to unfold for you below,

They will hate being ignored by you so much that they will tell themselves,

“Oh, it’s time to move on because she wants nothing to do with me.”

This is what most of the women on this site who employ the no contact rule are so afraid of. They are scared that if they use the no contact rule on their ex that he will think that they want nothing to do with him and I am not going to lie to you, some men will think that.

However, that doesn’t mean that he won’t come back. In fact, it might even be a good thing because as I have pointed out so many times men love women who are a challenge.

Why do they love a challenge?

Because they are more competitive by nature and they need to feel like they have to “win you over.”

Women who are easy aren’t as high of value to a man.

Think of it like this.

Lets take two sports cars and compare them.

What are the sports cars?

  1. A Mustang
  2. A Lamborghini

Every year millions of Mustangs are made for consumers whereas only a certain amount of Lamborghinis are made.

What do you think people go more crazy over?

The Mustangs or the Lamborghinis?

The lambo’s of course!


Because they are rarer and of higher value.

Don’t believe me?

The most expensive Mustang ever sold at an auction was a 1.3 million dollar 1967 Shelby Mustang. That mustang had decades to increase in value.

Well, last year alone Lamborghini made 3 cars (only 3) that sold for 3.9 million each.

Oh, and they were fresh out of the shop and didn’t have decades to rise in value.

Bottom line is that sometimes it isn’t a bad thing if your ex boyfriend thinks you are over him because it may mean that you have just evolved from a Mustang to a Lamborghini!

4 – Was She Playing Games?

Lets turn our attention to the type of man who has a brain and realizes that you are probably playing some sort of game by not contacting him.

Now, I will admit that for you this is probably the worst type of ex boyfriend to have because he probably knows exactly what is going on. He probably knows that you are ignoring him on purpose so that he will miss you and ultimately want you to come back.

Lets assume that you and I dated and we broke up with each other. Well, after the break up you employ the no contact rule on me. There is just one problem, this is me we are talking about here and I run a website where I teach women how to get their exes back so I pretty much know every trick in the book.

Speaking of books, you really need to check out my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book“.  It’s epic in length and cover just about every question or situation that might crop up during this whole process.

In other words, I know exactly what you are trying to do with the no contact rule.

I guess the question I am throwing out here is,

Will the no contact rule work on someone who knows it is happening to them?

Well, yes and no.

Allow me to expand on that.

We are going to stick with our example here for a moment and say that you and I dated in the past.

Well, if our relationship was absolutely horrible and riddled with fights, disagreements, jealousy, trust issues and drama 24/7 there is a pretty good chance that my feelings are going to be lost.

Well, in this case, if I knew the no contact rule was being employed on me it probably wouldn’t be effective since I probably don’t want to get myself back in a situation like that.

However, what about if our past relationship was great?

Would the no contact rule work then if I knew it was going on?

Yes, it absolutely would because I would hate to be ignored and it would increase your value.

5 – Extreme Guilt

Time has an amazing affect on men. You see, when something very emotional happens (like a break up) we tend to think very angry thoughts. In fact, I think a case could be made that everyone who goes through a break up will think angry thoughts.

Eventually though, when time takes hold of the situation, men begin to mellow out and gain some perspective on the situation.

They begin to think of all the little things they did wrong in a relationship and start to feel some extreme guilt.

Allow me to give you an example.

Lets say that you and your ex boyfriend constantly fought over his flirty nature.

You see, during your relationship he was always flirting with other girls and saying things like,

“Your cute!”


“We should go out some time.”

Now, to your knowledge he never cheated on you or anything that extreme but the way he would communicate with other women was very alarming to you and when you brought it up to him he became very defensive which of course started a fight.

In fact, this problem became so prevalent in your relationship that you two literally broke up over it.

It always kind of bugged you that he didn’t think he did anything wrong with the way he was talking to other women (he clearly did.) Well, after the break up it may take some time for it to kick in but eventually he will face the truth of the situation, that he was in the wrong.

The “If That Happened To Me” Factor

One of the most interesting ways that men can sometimes realize how bad they were in a relationship is something I like to call the “If That Happened To Me” factor.

What is it?

Ok, imagine for a moment that we are dating and I do the same thing to you as I described above, I flirt with other women in a very alarming manner.

Perhaps at the time, for some bizarre reason, I thought it was ok to flirt the way I did.

Now, lets say after the breakup you complete the no contact rule on me which of course is going to give me a lot of time to think.

What am I going to think during this time?

Well, I am going to probably run an interesting comparison in my head.

“What if what I did to her happened to me?”

“What if she had flirting with other men the way I flirted with other girls?”

Ok, stepping out of the fake example for a moment. I can tell you right now that I would be very upset if I found my significant other was flirting with other men in this type of alarming manner.


Because if someone is willing to flirt that heavy then that means the chances are higher that they might cheat in the future.

So, by using the no contact rule on an ex boyfriend who was clearly in the wrong in your relationship with him will give him time to think and with that time can come guilt over what he has done or how he has wronged you.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that this guilt isn’t entirely exclusive just to the breakup reason. In fact, you may learn in the future after the no contact rule that your ex was feeling guilty over some fight that you thought was insignificant. Of course, in order for your ex to feel this guilt you have to give him time in the form of the no contact rule.

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The Five Different Reactions Men Can Have AFTER No Contact


As of this moment this website has had over 38,000 women comment on it.

20,000 clients….

As of this moment we have over 20,000 men and women purchase a product from us.

That means that close to 60,000 women have read about the no contact rule and a very high percentage of those women have actually tried it out on their ex boyfriends. Well, one of the most beautiful things about this website is the fact that I actually get to interact with thousands of women and hear how their attempt to get their ex back goes.

What does that mean?

Well, it means that I have seen the no contact rule used a lot on ex boyfriends and have seen just about every reaction from them in the book.

In this section I would like to talk about the five most popular reactions from an ex boyfriend after the no contact rule is implemented.

Here is a rundown of the five most popular reactions after no contact,

  1. Being Super Happy To Hear From You
  2. Being Happy But Very Careful In His Responses
  3. Responding Very Angrily
  4. Responding Neutrally
  5. Not Responding At All

Lets take a look at these reactions right now.

1 – Being Super Happy To Hear From You

I wanted to start off with this reaction because this is without a doubt one of the most common reactions that you are going to get from your ex after you use the no contact rule.

Just ask a few of our success stories.

In fact, I know myself really well.

Better than anyone actually 😉 .

Want me to let you in on a secret on how I would react if someone I cared about a lot used the no contact rule on me?

During it’s use on me I would probably be extremely upset and angry with the person who used it on me. However, after about a week or two I would start to calm down and think about the situation. Eventually as the days and weeks go by I would just be hoping for any kind of reaction or response from the person using NC.

So, eventually when that “reach out” or “response” comes I would be over the moon.

In fact, I would be so over the moon that I wouldn’t care that this person essentially ignored me for a month. I would just be happy to hear from them.

It’s funny, so many women on this site are scared to death that their ex is going to resent them for doing the no contact rule and the truth is that he will but it won’t be permanent.

Everyone hates being ignored when they want nothing more than to be heard and that is essentially what the no contact rule does.

It forces you to ignore your ex when he wants nothing more than to be heard.

He is going to resent that a little bit at first but eventually he is going to miss you so much it is going to trump that resenting emotion.

It’s exactly how I work so you know for a fact that it’s going to work on just about any other man out there.

Lets move on to the next reaction.

2 – Being Happy But Careful In His Responses

Lets say that you and I previously dated and you broke up with me due to some stupid reason.

After some self reflection by you, you realize that you made a big mistake in breaking up with me.

(I mean, lets face it I am pretty awesome!)

You become desperate to get me back so you end up going to the internet to search for advice. Your internet search eventually lands you on this site and you learn about the no contact rule which you swiftly place into effect. Now, the no contact has a pretty decent effect on me because it makes me miss you and I want nothing more than to have a conversation with you.

However, that is not the only thing going on in my mind.

Yes, I miss you but I am also aware by ignoring me during the no contact rule you are playing a game and this sets off an alarm in my head.

What is the alarm?

“I need to be careful around her.”

In other words, when the time finally does come for us to communicate after the no contact rule I am going to be half in and half out when I respond to you.

In my mind I am going to need something from you to prove that you still are interested in me because after all, you were the one who broke up with me and you were the one ignoring me during no contact.

Now, if you follow the advice I have laid out in this site you will give your ex that special something he needs to understand that you are still interested in him.

What is the main takeaway from this section?

It’s that if you find your ex responding positively after the no contact rule but you can also feel this distance in his responses then it is probably because he is looking for something more from you before he takes the risk of opening up to you.

3 – Responding Very Angrily

This is a response that most of my one on one clients are terrified of yet it rarely happens.

And in the unfortunate situation where it does happen after the no contact rule it’s actually pretty easy to understand.

Your ex, who probably wants to talk to you, is ignored for 30 days and grows angry because he doesn’t get what he wants, to talk to you.

I almost look at men who are super angry after the no contact rule like toddlers who go to the store and throw a tantrum because their mommy or daddy won’t buy them the toy they wanted.

A lot can go through the mind of a man during the no contact rule.

In this particular instance it is important for you to understand that the underlying reason that your ex is angry with you after no contact is because he wanted to talk to you during the freeze out period and his ego can’t take being ignored. Now, most women freak out when they get an angry response from an ex and they think their chances of winning him back are over completely.

This is the wrong way to view the situation.

Ok, lets put on our logic caps for a moment.

Lets say that after the no contact rule you reach out to your ex boyfriend and he responds with this,

angry response

Now, you have been waiting a long time for this moment so most likely you are going to be extremely disappointed with that response but if you really break it down it’s not that bad of a response at all.

It is clear that your ex boyfriend is upset with you, yes.

However, notice how he is upset with you because you ignored him during no contact. That means that all he really wanted during that time was to talk to you. So, if after no contact he is still upset for the same reason that means that the intent to talk to you is still there.

In other words, the more angry he gets the more he really cares.

4 – Responding Neutrally

I suppose in order for us to to fully understand this section we first need to understand what a “neutral response” is.

My E-Book, The No Contact Rule Book teaches women that after the no contact rule they should actually reach out to their exes with a text message that is so interesting that is impossible for him not to respond. How he responds to that message is going to dictate how positively, negatively or neutrally he views you.

Well, if your ex boyfriend responds with a neutral response it would look something like this,

mickey text
This would be considered a neutral response.

Now, the question in play here is what could possibly be going on in your exes mind if he gives you this type of response?

Generally speaking, if after no contact, your ex gives you this response it means he is either holding some type of resentment or anger over either the breakup or the no contact rule. Now, is that a good thing or a bad thing for you?

Well, I personally think it depends.

Some men are very passive aggressive and will hold their anger in over the breakup and it can come out in the form of neutral responses.

The key for dealing with these types of men is patience.

Here is how I would deal with this situation if I was in your shoes and it happened to me.

Rather than freaking out over a neutral response I would wait a day or two and then try again with another text. If the ex responds more positively then you know for a fact that you can advance things. However, if you try reaching out 3-5 times to your ex and he responds either negatively or neutrally each of those times it is at this point you know that his anger, resentment or disappointment runs deep and he may need more time to deal with the situation.

5 – Not Responding At All

Ok, for women who are using the no contact rule this is really the worst case scenario.

You use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and then after NC, according to the instructions via Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO you send a text message and your ex doesn’t respond. You have a pretty good head on your shoulders so you don’t freak out. You wait a week, send another text message and he doesn’t respond.

Ok, now you are are starting to get a little worried.

Of course, the world hasn’t ended yet as you wait yet another week and then try again.

Still no response…

What the heck is going on?

Well, if your ex refuses to talk to you after the no contact rule I think there are a few things that you have to take a look at.

Generally speaking an ex can get upset over the no contact rule being used on him and think to himself,

“Fine, I don’t need her. I am not going to talk to her at all.”

Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won’t be able to resist a response.

So, while it is possible that he could hold so much resentment for you ignoring him that he won’t even respond to you at all it is unlikely.

What is the more likely truth is that your ex holds resentment over the breakup or the reason you broke up.

You hurt him or angered him so deep that he doesn’t want to talk to you again.

For example, lets say you cheated on him with his best friend (totally not true but bear with me here.) If that happened to me, my significant other cheated on me with my best friend I would be so upset I would not be able to even talk to my significant other.

If your breakup reason hit him so hard emotionally it is entirely possible that he wont want to talk to you at all.

So, I guess the question you are wondering is how can you get him to talk to you?

Well, only The No Contact Rule Book can answer that 😉 .

2,507 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

  1. Erin

    August 14, 2018 at 6:29 am

    He dumped me for his ex. I began no contact 37 days ago. We work together and I’m cordial and respectful. I limit my interactions with him and stay out of sight as much as I can. I don’t bother him. Initially, he was cordial and spoke. Now he is acting bitter and doesn’t even speak. He won’t look at me and a few times he’s avoided me. I got what he wanted….his ex. I didn’t beg or plead, I just walked away. Why is he mad?

  2. Erin

    August 14, 2018 at 1:57 am

    He dumped me for his ex. I began no contact 37 days ago. We work together and I’m cordial and respectful. I limit my interactions with him and stay out of sight as much as I can. I don’t bother him. Initially, he was cordial and spoke. Now he is acting bitter and doesn’t even speak. He won’t look at me and a few times he’s avoided me. I got what he wanted….his ex. I didn’t beg or plead, I just walked away. Why is he mad?

  3. Ayla

    May 5, 2018 at 1:04 pm

    Hi there!
    It’s about two weeks that i have finishied my NC and the day aftr i finished NC he texted me and asked me if i can help him or not
    And as i was angry with him i didnt repond
    And he sended the same messages on my 3vety social media i read them and again i didnt repond:|
    Ans he texted other message saying you promised me to help me that time
    And i yhought it is enogh i send him a texted back and kinda challengful message if was
    How ever i hwlped him
    Then he ask me to do an other favor for him in month or so
    We talked about the party i was invated
    And sending him some pics and videos of the party
    To show him im happy
    And dont need him
    And now im just confused what should i do?!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      If you are still having upset feelings towards him…then consider telling him and that you need some time to yourself to work through your own feelings and heal from some of the difficulties you have experienced.

    2. Ayla

      May 6, 2018 at 8:19 am

      Im just afriad
      Everyone around me says never let him come back to your life again he left you
      And he will do that again
      But sometimes i fee he didnt ever love me
      He just wanted to use me for advantage
      But he was talking so nice to me recently
      Idont know what to do!

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2018 at 2:56 pm

      Go it slow

  4. Bailey

    May 2, 2018 at 9:30 pm

    my ex and I were not together long. A little over a month. I was more difficult and wanted to take things slower as he wanted to dive in head first. I told him from the very start what exactly I was looking for in a relationship. There was a 5-year difference between us. I am older and want things more settled down in my life than he did so it did cause some disagreements. Towards the end, he wanted space, then told me eventually that maybe he wasn’t quite ready for the relationship. I was very understanding and it was not a bad break up at all. I have obeyed this no contact rule, have removed him from all my social media, etc. He still follows me on Instagram and will like every single post. I am assuming he is trying to just be nice, but it’s confusing.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 2, 2018 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Bailey…really cool name! Yes, guys can be confusing because half of the time, they really don’t have a clue what they want. Sometimes it takes a while for their true feelings to catch up with them. I think he is revisiting some of his earlier notions. If you want to optimize your chances, then go get my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro and read it from cover to cover. It is of epic length and touches all many strategies and tactics you can employ if you want to revisit this relationship. But my philosophy is first you need to invest in yourself….to heal and to get in touch with what you want if that is unclear to you at the moment. So swing by my website Menu/Products link and read up on some of my ebook and other resources available to you! Let me know how it goes Bailey!

    2. Bailey

      May 3, 2018 at 1:42 pm

      Thank you for your input. Just wasn’t sure if he was just seeking my attention or just was an act of kindness. I feel we can be too stubborn at times and find other ways to try to seek attention instead of direct contact. Also, if you want to speak to someone you’ll directly contact them in my mind. I’ve been completely ignoring it, just wasn’t sure if i should act on it.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 1:44 pm

      Well said Bailey

    4. Bailey

      May 3, 2018 at 6:37 pm

      so to be clear, do not contact or should I reach out?

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 9:25 pm

      Yes Baily! Read up on all the different types of initial contact messages you can send and what you can do if things don’t work out in my core ebook!

    6. Bailey

      May 3, 2018 at 3:11 pm

      so do not contact him, correct? just keep going about doing me.

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 9:50 pm

      Eventually, when NC is over, there is a process you can use to make contact with him. But NC is for you. I want you to love yourself….be your best friend….date yourself…heal….focus on your goal areas as described in my ebook.

  5. Nina

    May 1, 2018 at 1:58 pm

    my partner and i were together for 10months and lived together. after the initial break up we had a 3 month break and then got back in contact. we were on and off for about 2 months and in the last “off” period (about a week or so) he has a new girlfriend! (surely rebound?) and moved interstate.
    we continued to talk, i begged and acted desperate, then came to my senses, and stopped. he still messages me both normal convo and “saucy” messages.
    i’ve just implanted a 21 day NC as i booked a flight to see him in about 3.5 weeks. his girlfriend and him have been together for only 2 weeks, and she’s already moving interstate to be with him and i’m worried they’ll have grown closer by the the time the NC ends and i’m supposed to see him.
    are these genuine fears? feeling quite at a loss.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 4:38 pm

      Hi Nina…thanks for stopping by! First off, I hope you have picked up a copy of my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. The idea is you want to use the best resources available to you to optimize your chances. Just click on my website Menu and select the “Products” link to learn more! There are definitely some things you can do less of and more of. I understand the anxiety you have about what might happen. But try and let go of it because even if you have the best game plan in place, there are some things you simply can’t control, particular when it comes to other people’s feelings. There is good chance this other girl is a rebound. My advice is to dig into the suggested ebook I referenced above and put your plan in place!

  6. Ash

    April 23, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    is all of this true if I did the 30 day no contact and my ex didn’t try to reach out to me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 8:41 pm

      Hi Ash…no system is foolproof, but bear in mind that most programs,including mine, involve much more than simply instituting a 30 day No Contact Period. There are lots elements to the entire process. Did you pick up a copy of my ebook as it serves as the Companion Guide for folks trying to better their chances. And its not simply up to your ex boyfriend to reach out to you after NC. Its also about your efforts and use of text messaging and other things to rebuild attraction!

    2. Ash

      April 23, 2018 at 10:59 pm

      I almost feel like contacting him would make me regret it. Idk what he would say. I want to, and then I don’t. If I contact him would he think I’m not doing good on my own?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 11:39 pm

      I understand. You are closest to the situation and your emotions, so I trust you. Give it more time.

  7. ness

    April 14, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    What if he is using the NC rule on me? I ignored his calls and instead answered with texts for three days then he replied “nothing. goodnight” to the last. I tried again the next day and he never responded. After that I learned about the NC rule. Its been 3 weeks and we both haven’t said anything. What if he is implementing a NC period too?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 4:47 am

      Ness….maybe he is, but if you are following the game plan laid out in my ebook, you will have the more sophisticated strategy!

  8. Mary-ann

    April 7, 2018 at 2:55 pm

    Hi Chris, your advice has been great. I need some advice. The bf and I had a fight where he was very mean, telling me that we can maybe just have sex but doesn’t want to be committed. I left the place and immediately went into no contact including blocking him. He found a way to reach out to me and has been calling 4 out of the 7 days in the past week including three texts saying he’s sorry (rather insincerely) and saying he was behaving badly just to piss me off. I feel a little bad ignoring him like this without telling him I’m gg into no contact. Does going into no contact like this make me immature? Could you please advise what I should do now? We have had a tumultuous relationship, mostly out of his insecurities and his need to control me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 9, 2018 at 11:38 am

      Haha glad that you liked my advice!

      Even though I think this might be the first time that we’ve actually talked to each other!

      Do you mind if I go on a rant for a bit?

      I totally get where you are coming from with being worried that the “NC rule” can be looked at as mean. However, I don’t understand why women care that much. In fact, I think sometimes, especially in cases like yours, it’s important to create a perception that you don’t care about his feelings.

      Ok, rant done!

  9. Laura

    March 27, 2018 at 7:41 am

    After NC, what should I answer when he asks why I ignored him? I’m pretty sure he will ask.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:39 am

      I believe I just answered this!

  10. Laura

    March 27, 2018 at 7:26 am

    But what should I answer when he asks why I ignored him? I’m pretty sure he will ask. Should I say something like: I don’t want to talk about it right now but we’re cool ( to stay positive an misterious). Or should I say that I needed time alone? None of that? What is the best answer?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:39 am

      You simply say,

      “I just wasn’t in a place where I wanted to talk to anyone.”

      And then move on to the next topic.

  11. milli

    March 26, 2018 at 2:04 pm

    I and my boyfriend have been dating for the past 8 months. we were into a serious relationship. and we broke up because he thinks I cheated on him with my ex(which is not true). I only met him once and nothing ever happened between me and my ex but all this i had been hiding from my boyfriend. I met my ex 3 months ago and my boyfriend came to know about this through our mutual friend and he brokeup with me a week back. He’s really super mad at me and I tried alot talking to him, texting him, sending voice mails, trying to meet him I mean like every possible thing I could do to get him back and ask him for forgiveness. But he kept saying one thing that is he broke up with me and he’s done with me and he doesn’t care about me now and he hates me. i am really upset and so i came across this website where I read about this no contact rule which i’ll be implementing from today. But over this 1 week of begging him for forgiveness, i realized something. He has blocked me from every social media and even phone calls but I somehow have access to his Instagram and Facebook since he shared it with me long back. I’ve noticed he’s not really that active on his social sites, his doesn’t open his messages soon, or checks his instagram. But when i tried sending him texts from a new Id, i’ve always got a immediate quick response from him even though its always been negative. it seems like he waits when i will text him, so he can show me his anger. I mean he can always avoid me but he doesn’t, he texts me back says he doesn’t wants me and again blocks me. So Now i’ll be implementing the No contact rule. DO you think it is going to work?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:29 am

      There’s a reason the no contact rule is present in almost all of our success stories.

      That’s all I’ll say.

  12. flora

    March 26, 2018 at 2:13 am

    He is the one who initiated no contact with me. After a fight, he wouldn’t accept my apology, and said ‘no calls for 6 months’. Nothing here talks about that…sounds final.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:25 am

      I don’t believe I have written about that but I think it may be my next topic!

    2. flora

      April 3, 2018 at 2:08 am

      Can’t wait!

  13. Ale

    March 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm

    My ex and I dated for almost 2 year. A few months ago he started to get distant. I assumed he was stress with his new promotion. I tried to give him his space and didn’t push him into giving me more attention. I thought things were starting to look up when after not even 12 hours of us making weekend plans he tells me we need to talk. During our talk he tell me the infamous “we need a break” line. Personally I don’t believe in that and after a week of “break” I told him we needed to end things for good. That I couldn’t live with an unattainable hope. He and I never really fought or argued and the day we ended things he asked if we could work on it but I was too confused (and hurt because he had told me he didn’t think I was the one) to want to work on it. We sat in silence for a bit till he finally said, “its over”. I walked out and haven’t spoken to him since then. It’s been 28 days. There has been no contact, he even removed me from some social media to which I reacted and removed him from the last two sites he had kept me on. I miss him terribly, I honestly thought and still think he was my “one”. I want to get him back, give us some fighting chance but I think he’s moving on. I’m not even sure if I should make the effort to reach out to him. Wouldn’t he have texted me if he misses me? Should I just leave things as they are and try to forget him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 29, 2018 at 7:21 pm

      Hi Ale,

      In nc period you should be active in improving yourself and in posting.. Are you doing that? After nc, you can initiate contact..

  14. Kish

    February 22, 2018 at 5:13 am

    I have an ex boyfriend that never fully invested in a relationship with me and never told me he loved me, but he likes me a lot, told me he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone, and wants to be friends. We became friends and he has stuck to that…for two years. I thought I was okay with that but now I want more and worry I cant get it from him without moving on… yet I want to move on in a way that leaves the door open for him to change his mind unless I find someone first.

    I went no contact for 21 days and he finally texted me with good news that a friend should respond to. I dont know what to say. Do I just keep silent? Do I tell him the truth (that I am happy about his news but I am moving on…door’s open if you change your mind, sorry?) Do I just text back casually but refuse to see him unless he has intentions?

    If I really do move on, maybe it doesn’t matter, but I thought it couldnt hurt to ask.

  15. H

    February 22, 2018 at 2:53 am

    My partner and I were dating for almost 3 years. During this time he broke up with me but would come back the next day saying he regretted his decision. For about a year things were good. However, the last couple of months things have changed a bit. We live approx an hour away from each other and lately only saw each other once a week or fortnightly. Up until early 2018, this distance has never been an issue until he started playing professional football (he started playing about 2 months ago) which requires him to train every weeknight and a couple of mornings. He also works full-time and goes out with the footy team and friends Friday and Saturday nights. Recently his whole attitude to the relationship randomly changed. It was almost as if he enjoyed having me around when it was convenient but then had other priorities which put me last. We had been arguing because of this and towards the end of Jan 2018 he ended things as ‘things arent working anymore’. For all of Jan he would tell me that he doesnt have time to see me and that it just isnt working anymore which made me really upset. After breaking up with me he kept calling me once a day and I would ignore him as I did not think it was in regards to getting back together. Then 4 days after he dumped me (on his birthday) he messaged me asking why I had been ignoring him and that it had been the worst 4 days of his life. He asked for me back and I ended up saying okay. A week after this things were good and he was telling me how much he missed me and wanted to be with me and asked to see me etc. When he did see me, he told me I was beautiful and that he’s sorry he messed up and he wants to fix things. About 5 days after this, he started to ignore me as we had a disagreement. This disagreement started because I asked how he felt and he said he “liked” me. I said don’t you love me and he said its tough because I haven’t properly seen you in about 5 weeks. Following this he ended things again as he believes that things are not working anymore and that he wants to focus on himself. It has been 9 days since the breakup and since we last spoke. I asked him on that day if he has fallen out of love and he said no. I haven’t heard from him at all and I have been in NC. He also blocked me on facebook 9 days ago but still follows me on Instagram and has been watching all of my stories as well as my friends stories (he never used to watch my friends stories).

    Is there any chance that he will want to get back together? In the past he has come back but things seem different this time. I’m worried that he is happy and has moved on as he is always so busy and probably doesnt have time to think about me. My mum said that he probably has considered coming back but he has realised that things would still be the same. Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2018 at 10:51 pm

      I think he got tired but that doesn’t mean chasing is better than doing nc.

  16. Lauren

    February 17, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    Please can you help me????
    I think I’ve messed up any chance of getting my ex back, i found out he has taken an interest in a girl he works with and had been messaging when we were together, i put a post up saying that about my suspicions look like they are coming true, he then messaged me this

    (Honestly Lauren all that shit you’ve been putting up on Facebook is just ridiculous… obviously aimed at me and none of it backed up with any proper evidence. My feelings changed, the way you’re acting is only going to cause more problems down the line. You act like your hurting yet all you wanna do is hurt me and get sympathy from everyone. We have a daughter together of which I think should be the main thing to focus on, not you. Please stop these stupid comments and posts. I’m happy that you are starting to feel like you can move on.. but actually do that then) and has now unfriended me on fb. I didn’t reply to that message but do you think there’s any hope if he’s getting with that girl and unfriended me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2018 at 12:09 pm

      Hi Lauren,

      Yeah if you don’t do that again and if you genuinely start to move on..

  17. Lauren

    February 17, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    Please help,

    I fear I have ruined my chances,
    I found put that my ex has been taking an interest in a girl he works with and was messaging her when we were together, i put a post up which was indirectly aimed at him saying that I found out what I thought was happening all along was happening, he then messaged me this.

    (Honestly Lauren all that shit you’ve been putting up on Facebook is just ridiculous… obviously aimed at me and none of it backed up with any proper evidence. My feelings changed, the way you’re acting is only going to cause more problems down the line. You act like your hurting yet all you wanna do is hurt me and get sympathy from everyone. We have a daughter together of which I think should be the main thing to focus on, not you. Please stop these stupid comments and posts. I’m happy that you are starting to feel like you can move on.. but actually do that then.)
    He has now unfriended me and I havnt wb to his message but I feel like all hope is lost, is there anything I can do to sort this situation out?

  18. M Morgan

    February 15, 2018 at 1:46 am

    Hello! I’m on week 2 of NC and still holding strong on Valentines 🙂 My question is if no contact is even worth it in some situations. I dated a guy for 5 months; we’re both in our mid 30’s and we both had communicated early in the relationship that we were dating to find a spouse. We had a healthy relationship, very easy and little fighting. During the last month of our relationship, his job became stressful and he was taking 2 grad school classes, leaving a small window on weekends open to see each other. Didn’t bother me, I have a life of my own, but I did want 5 min each day to touch base. I mentioned this and the next day he broke up, citing that I have a more positive mindset on life than he did, and he didn’t think it would mesh long term. It was totally out of the blue, he was also very emotional about it. He said there was nothing I did wrong and to not change myself. I guess I’m wondering how many guys out there make a decision for good. Or is there room for them to change their mind if you talk about your individual needs once NC is over? If NC isn’t worth it, I’d rather say a few final things and have closure to move on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:25 pm

      Hi M Morgan,

      Say what you want to say for closure and then start nc.. after nc, you could either continue what you’re doing in your new routine to move on or start to slowly build rapport while you continue your new routine. If it doesn’t work, then move on.

  19. Dstar

    February 14, 2018 at 10:31 pm


    So I’ve been toying with the idea of reaching out to someone who is not a close friend of mine to get a more unbiased opinion. After almost, and I say almost 4 years of dating and one move across the country, I was dumped a day before our 4 year anniversary.
    We were in a good place, or so I thought, there was no fighting, but no real growth in our relationship either, and then one night he sits me down and tells me that we need to talk. He goes on to say that the relationship is over and that there is no chance that in the future he will want to revisit it again.

    I was blown away because never in my mind did I think this was how our relationship would meet its end. He said that he had been thinking about it for a while and that he had to try and shut down relationship mode and come to terms that he would never see the dogs we shared again in order to go through with the break up. He said that he needed to be sure that he could live without me and if he could he was going to break up with me.

    I, naturally, objected, stating in the heat of the moment how unfair it was to blindside me like that, and how tragic it was that it only took him a few weeks to rid himself of 4 years together. The following days I tried to get him to talk more about it, ie his reasoning behind such a serious choice. However, he was very shut down, only stating that he was sad and didn’t want to talk about it.

    I have managed to get some points of clarity over the past few weeks, the break up happened about 3 weeks ago, and he says he’s now at a point where he doesn’t know if he wants to get back together, which is different than his previous statement of never again. He says the he is very broken and has checked out of relationship mode and doesn’t know if he can get himself back to that place, at least not with me.
    I know that I should not keep on pressuring him to talk about the situation if he is not ready. Sometimes I just speak my mind and have him listen.

    After all this has happened, I realized a lot of the stuff I’ve done in the past, during our relationship can be construed as hurtful behavior and I explained to him, that even though he thought I was being mean to him, it didn’t mean I didn’t love him. I think part of him convinced himself that I did not love him and that when he broke up with me, I’d agree and we’d part as friends. I’ve tried to reassure him that I did love him, and still do.
    What I need help with the how to win him back, obviously, but no, in all seriousness, I’m stuck because in my mind he has not definitively ended the relationship, but I also don’t want to keep trying and breaking my heart over and over.

    I want to try and give him the space and time that he needs, but at the same time I want to preserve my sanity through all this. Oh here’s the catch, we live together. I have moved into the guest room in an effort to give him some space, but we share a house and 2 dogs.

    I know that if I continue to pressure him into talking I could lose him for good, but I’m also not so sure I haven’t already lost him. He has told me that he sees himself as single and that’s just the way it is in his head. I, on the other hand, am still hanging on to hope.

    So after being broken up for 3 weeks is it too late to implement the NO Contact Rule. And since we live together, should I mention that I’m leaving to give him some space?

    If there is any advice you can provide, or some sort of virtual hug, or even a dose of reality, please feel free to lay it on me.

    Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:12 pm

  20. Anyssa

    February 9, 2018 at 9:56 am

    Hey, I was dating this guy for 5 months and towards the end it felt like it was stagnant. The last time we FaceTimed was for like three hours at 11:30 at night but had put me on hold for a while to text a female coworker. Of course I got hurt but instead of saying something I kept it in and was short with him through text. Eventually he said work had been crazy and fustrating so he need a few days of space and was thinking a lot. I told I needed some too. Four days passed and he checked up and asked why I needed space. I just replied by saying that some things bothered me and trusting in God, and I need more time. He quickly replied saying in his heart we should be friends. I tried to be okay with it and wanted to speak in person, to talk. Once I got to his place we talked and I told him how that putting me on pause for the other lady was what really bothered me. And I told that I can’t really change my mind about feeling hurt. Eventually we had a deep convo and he cried. But then I did a bad thing and slept with him twice that night, in which he said I was a good person and precious to him. We cuddled throughout the morning and holding hands and he didn’t want to let mine go until he said he was going to miss this. I rushed out of his apartment without looking back, I had to go to work anyways. But yet I did another bad thing and called him once I got to work. We spoke for around two hours. I told him I knew he didn’t want to be with me and wanted to keep that line of communication open. I then got upset and started to question why didn’t it seem like he cared? He got upset and said that I don’t know him, that I don’t know how it phases him. He said that I was being hurtful. I remember the last thing I told him that you might be okay but I’m not and that this conversation isn’t going anywhere and said my goodbyes amd hanged up. Now it’s been around five days and I don’t know if the NC will work or what’s he thinking after that breakup. I don’t know if I can get back together and I really do but I’m afraid if I just wait too long if he’s already going to not want to talk to me if I reach out after the thirty days. I’m just confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 1:06 pm

      Hi Anyssa,

      Nc is not guaranteed to work in any situation but it increases your chances. Check this one:
      Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

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