I’ve written a lot about the no contact rule on this site.
- I wrote about what it is here.
- I wrote about what men are thinking about during it here.
- Heck, I have even written a book about how it fits in, in the entire “ex back” process here.
Unfortunately, one thing that I have never done is write about what men are thinking AFTER the no contact rule.
A few days ago one of my coaching clients contacted me with an interesting request.
She basically told me that most of the women who implement the no contact rule end up contacting their exes first after the no contact rule is over. For example, lets say that you were to use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend for 30 days.
Well, at the end of that 30 days you would end up contacting your ex boyfriend to start the “get your ex back” process. Well, this woman was curious as to what was going on in the mind of a man AFTER the no contact rule had already be implemented.
In other words, what would your ex boyfriend be thinking after you had successfully performed the no contact rule on him?
Well, that is what this page is going to explore.
We Are Going To Make An Assumption
As you know, Ex Boyfriend Recovery and the no contact rule have become very closely associated with one another.
That is because getting your ex boyfriend back can sometimes rely pretty heavily on the no contact rule.
So, as I explained above, this page is going to focus on what is going on in your exes mind after you implement the no contact rule. Well, this is where I need to make one thing clear. In order for this page to make sense we are going to have to make an assumption.
The Assumption- That you have successfully completed a 30 day no contact rule on your ex boyfriend.
Would you like to know why it is important that we make this assumption?
Imagine for a moment that you had attempted the 30 day no contact rule and failed at it.
Lets say you only lasted something like a week.
Well, a one week no contact rule isn’t going to have the same affect that a four week no contact rule will have.
In other words, what a man will think after a failed no contact rule will be different than what he is going to be thinking during a successful one and since we are all positive thinkers here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery we are going to just focus on the successful no contact rule.
Now, I know a lot of you reading this page probably haven’t even finished your no contact yet and that is ok. Really what I want this page to be for you is a “what to expect” type page when you do successfully get through your no contact rule.
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The Five Things Men Will Think AFTER No Contact
I am a man so you know for a fact that I can bring you some very valuable insight when it comes to what men are thinking before, during and after no contact . Now, I will be the first to admit that no woman has ever done a 30 day no contact rule on me but I have been on the receiving end of a half day, day and three day no contact rule and let me tell you that it drove me absolutely crazy.
In this section I am going to be talking about some of the thoughts that your ex boyfriend might potentially have after the no contact rule assuming that you completed a 30 day rule on him.
But just a reminder, if you want the most comprehensive resource out there on the No Contact Principle, then go pick up a copy of my popular eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.
I have pinpointed the top five things that he will be thinking and as always I will be covering each of these things in a very in-depth manner.
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Take the quizOh, you probably want to know the things that your ex would be thinking don’t you ?
- What A Bi&*h
- Why Didn’t She Respond To Me
- She Must Be Disinterested In Me
- Was She Playing Games?
- Extreme Guilt
Lets take a moment to look at all of these thoughts.
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1 – What A Bi&*h
When I created The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program a few years ago and I told people that using a no contact rule on an ex might make an ex think negative thoughts about them they always seem to get upset and think the strategy doesn’t work.
I actually don’t even blame them for getting upset either.
After all, the no contact rule is supposed to help reunite a happy couple. Not make one member think the other is a total bit*h.
But lets take a step back and really take a look at what is going on in your exes head and probably the best way to do that is to give you a real life example.
When I was in college I was friends with this guy who was literally head over heels for this girl. Well, he ended up taking this girl on one date and he thought that the date went pretty well. I remember as clear as yesterday him saying that he thinks that this girl was “the one.”
Yes, after just one date he said this to me.
Unfortunately for him, “the one” didn’t really think the same thing he did as she didn’t think the date went well at all. So, she decided to get rid of him the only way she knew how without hurting his feelings, ignoring him.
The more she ignored him the angrier he got and the angrier he got, the more he called her a bit*h.
Here is the funniest part though, despite calling her all those names behind her back he was very persistent in trying to win her and eventually he did.
The point I am trying to make here is that if anyone is angry at you ignoring them it is because they want to talk to you.
So, the fact that your ex could be calling you names because of the fact that you are ignoring him just really means he wants to be heard by you and hasn’t been given that chance yet.
2 – Why Didn’t She Respond To Me?
Your ex boyfriend is probably going to wonder why you didn’t respond to him after the no contact rule has been completed.
I told you above that the no contact rule has been used on me in certain cases but never for an extended period of time like 30 days. What I can tell you though about my experience on being on the receiving end of the no contact rule is that when I felt ignored I found myself wondering,
“Why the heck isn’t she responding to me?”
You begin to wonder things like,
“Is she doing this on purpose?”
or
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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Of course, it’s a total mindfu** for men when a woman does respond to them after a certain amount of time. You will find us sitting there being like,
“Why the heck didn’t you respond to me in the first place?”
In fact, some men will grow so annoyed at being ignored that they will be very direct with you and ask you something like this through a text message,
* (Text message above was an example taken out of my book, The Texting Bible.)
If you end up getting a response like this from your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule has been completed then I would be extremely happy.
Why?
By your ex saying that it means that he was extremely annoyed about the fact that you wouldn’t respond to him.
What does that tell you?
THAT HE WANTED YOU TO RESPOND TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!
Look, I have been ignored before by a woman and let me tell you that it is extremely annoying to want nothing more to be heard when instead you are ignored. It makes you feel a little insignificant as a man and the more insignificant a man feels the more he will feel like he has to prove.
3 – She Must Be Disinterested In Me
Some men will go to extremes after the no contact rule is over.
In fact, this is something that so many of my coaching clients ask me about that I decided to make a video about it to further explain the concepts I am about to unfold for you below,
They will hate being ignored by you so much that they will tell themselves,
“Oh, it’s time to move on because she wants nothing to do with me.”
This is what most of the women on this site who employ the no contact rule are so afraid of. They are scared that if they use the no contact rule on their ex that he will think that they want nothing to do with him and I am not going to lie to you, some men will think that.
However, that doesn’t mean that he won’t come back. In fact, it might even be a good thing because as I have pointed out so many times men love women who are a challenge.
Why do they love a challenge?
Because they are more competitive by nature and they need to feel like they have to “win you over.”
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Take the quizWomen who are easy aren’t as high of value to a man.
Think of it like this.
Lets take two sports cars and compare them.
What are the sports cars?
- A Mustang
- A Lamborghini
Every year millions of Mustangs are made for consumers whereas only a certain amount of Lamborghinis are made.
What do you think people go more crazy over?
The Mustangs or the Lamborghinis?
The lambo’s of course!
Why?
Because they are rarer and of higher value.
Don’t believe me?
The most expensive Mustang ever sold at an auction was a 1.3 million dollar 1967 Shelby Mustang. That mustang had decades to increase in value.
Well, last year alone Lamborghini made 3 cars (only 3) that sold for 3.9 million each.
Oh, and they were fresh out of the shop and didn’t have decades to rise in value.
Bottom line is that sometimes it isn’t a bad thing if your ex boyfriend thinks you are over him because it may mean that you have just evolved from a Mustang to a Lamborghini!
4 – Was She Playing Games?
Lets turn our attention to the type of man who has a brain and realizes that you are probably playing some sort of game by not contacting him.
Now, I will admit that for you this is probably the worst type of ex boyfriend to have because he probably knows exactly what is going on. He probably knows that you are ignoring him on purpose so that he will miss you and ultimately want you to come back.
Lets assume that you and I dated and we broke up with each other. Well, after the break up you employ the no contact rule on me. There is just one problem, this is me we are talking about here and I run a website where I teach women how to get their exes back so I pretty much know every trick in the book.
Speaking of books, you really need to check out my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book“. It’s epic in length and cover just about every question or situation that might crop up during this whole process.
In other words, I know exactly what you are trying to do with the no contact rule.
I guess the question I am throwing out here is,
Will the no contact rule work on someone who knows it is happening to them?
Well, yes and no.
Allow me to expand on that.
We are going to stick with our example here for a moment and say that you and I dated in the past.
Well, if our relationship was absolutely horrible and riddled with fights, disagreements, jealousy, trust issues and drama 24/7 there is a pretty good chance that my feelings are going to be lost.
Well, in this case, if I knew the no contact rule was being employed on me it probably wouldn’t be effective since I probably don’t want to get myself back in a situation like that.
However, what about if our past relationship was great?
Would the no contact rule work then if I knew it was going on?
Yes, it absolutely would because I would hate to be ignored and it would increase your value.
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5 – Extreme Guilt
Time has an amazing affect on men. You see, when something very emotional happens (like a break up) we tend to think very angry thoughts. In fact, I think a case could be made that everyone who goes through a break up will think angry thoughts.
Eventually though, when time takes hold of the situation, men begin to mellow out and gain some perspective on the situation.
They begin to think of all the little things they did wrong in a relationship and start to feel some extreme guilt.
Allow me to give you an example.
Lets say that you and your ex boyfriend constantly fought over his flirty nature.
You see, during your relationship he was always flirting with other girls and saying things like,
“Your cute!”
or
“We should go out some time.”
Now, to your knowledge he never cheated on you or anything that extreme but the way he would communicate with other women was very alarming to you and when you brought it up to him he became very defensive which of course started a fight.
In fact, this problem became so prevalent in your relationship that you two literally broke up over it.
It always kind of bugged you that he didn’t think he did anything wrong with the way he was talking to other women (he clearly did.) Well, after the break up it may take some time for it to kick in but eventually he will face the truth of the situation, that he was in the wrong.
The “If That Happened To Me” Factor
One of the most interesting ways that men can sometimes realize how bad they were in a relationship is something I like to call the “If That Happened To Me” factor.
What is it?
Ok, imagine for a moment that we are dating and I do the same thing to you as I described above, I flirt with other women in a very alarming manner.
Perhaps at the time, for some bizarre reason, I thought it was ok to flirt the way I did.
Now, lets say after the breakup you complete the no contact rule on me which of course is going to give me a lot of time to think.
What am I going to think during this time?
Well, I am going to probably run an interesting comparison in my head.
“What if what I did to her happened to me?”
“What if she had flirting with other men the way I flirted with other girls?”
Ok, stepping out of the fake example for a moment. I can tell you right now that I would be very upset if I found my significant other was flirting with other men in this type of alarming manner.
Why?
Because if someone is willing to flirt that heavy then that means the chances are higher that they might cheat in the future.
So, by using the no contact rule on an ex boyfriend who was clearly in the wrong in your relationship with him will give him time to think and with that time can come guilt over what he has done or how he has wronged you.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that this guilt isn’t entirely exclusive just to the breakup reason. In fact, you may learn in the future after the no contact rule that your ex was feeling guilty over some fight that you thought was insignificant. Of course, in order for your ex to feel this guilt you have to give him time in the form of the no contact rule.
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The Five Different Reactions Men Can Have AFTER No Contact
38,000 comments…
As of this moment this website has had over 38,000 women comment on it.
20,000 clients….
As of this moment we have over 20,000 men and women purchase a product from us.
That means that close to 60,000 women have read about the no contact rule and a very high percentage of those women have actually tried it out on their ex boyfriends. Well, one of the most beautiful things about this website is the fact that I actually get to interact with thousands of women and hear how their attempt to get their ex back goes.
What does that mean?
Well, it means that I have seen the no contact rule used a lot on ex boyfriends and have seen just about every reaction from them in the book.
In this section I would like to talk about the five most popular reactions from an ex boyfriend after the no contact rule is implemented.
Here is a rundown of the five most popular reactions after no contact,
- Being Super Happy To Hear From You
- Being Happy But Very Careful In His Responses
- Responding Very Angrily
- Responding Neutrally
- Not Responding At All
Lets take a look at these reactions right now.
1 – Being Super Happy To Hear From You
I wanted to start off with this reaction because this is without a doubt one of the most common reactions that you are going to get from your ex after you use the no contact rule.
Just ask a few of our success stories.
In fact, I know myself really well.
Better than anyone actually 😉 .
Want me to let you in on a secret on how I would react if someone I cared about a lot used the no contact rule on me?
During it’s use on me I would probably be extremely upset and angry with the person who used it on me. However, after about a week or two I would start to calm down and think about the situation. Eventually as the days and weeks go by I would just be hoping for any kind of reaction or response from the person using NC.
So, eventually when that “reach out” or “response” comes I would be over the moon.
In fact, I would be so over the moon that I wouldn’t care that this person essentially ignored me for a month. I would just be happy to hear from them.
It’s funny, so many women on this site are scared to death that their ex is going to resent them for doing the no contact rule and the truth is that he will but it won’t be permanent.
Everyone hates being ignored when they want nothing more than to be heard and that is essentially what the no contact rule does.
It forces you to ignore your ex when he wants nothing more than to be heard.
He is going to resent that a little bit at first but eventually he is going to miss you so much it is going to trump that resenting emotion.
It’s exactly how I work so you know for a fact that it’s going to work on just about any other man out there.
Lets move on to the next reaction.
2 – Being Happy But Careful In His Responses
Lets say that you and I previously dated and you broke up with me due to some stupid reason.
After some self reflection by you, you realize that you made a big mistake in breaking up with me.
(I mean, lets face it I am pretty awesome!)
You become desperate to get me back so you end up going to the internet to search for advice. Your internet search eventually lands you on this site and you learn about the no contact rule which you swiftly place into effect. Now, the no contact has a pretty decent effect on me because it makes me miss you and I want nothing more than to have a conversation with you.
However, that is not the only thing going on in my mind.
Yes, I miss you but I am also aware by ignoring me during the no contact rule you are playing a game and this sets off an alarm in my head.
What is the alarm?
“I need to be careful around her.”
In other words, when the time finally does come for us to communicate after the no contact rule I am going to be half in and half out when I respond to you.
In my mind I am going to need something from you to prove that you still are interested in me because after all, you were the one who broke up with me and you were the one ignoring me during no contact.
Now, if you follow the advice I have laid out in this site you will give your ex that special something he needs to understand that you are still interested in him.
What is the main takeaway from this section?
It’s that if you find your ex responding positively after the no contact rule but you can also feel this distance in his responses then it is probably because he is looking for something more from you before he takes the risk of opening up to you.
3 – Responding Very Angrily
This is a response that most of my one on one clients are terrified of yet it rarely happens.
And in the unfortunate situation where it does happen after the no contact rule it’s actually pretty easy to understand.
Your ex, who probably wants to talk to you, is ignored for 30 days and grows angry because he doesn’t get what he wants, to talk to you.
I almost look at men who are super angry after the no contact rule like toddlers who go to the store and throw a tantrum because their mommy or daddy won’t buy them the toy they wanted.
A lot can go through the mind of a man during the no contact rule.
In this particular instance it is important for you to understand that the underlying reason that your ex is angry with you after no contact is because he wanted to talk to you during the freeze out period and his ego can’t take being ignored. Now, most women freak out when they get an angry response from an ex and they think their chances of winning him back are over completely.
This is the wrong way to view the situation.
Ok, lets put on our logic caps for a moment.
Lets say that after the no contact rule you reach out to your ex boyfriend and he responds with this,
Now, you have been waiting a long time for this moment so most likely you are going to be extremely disappointed with that response but if you really break it down it’s not that bad of a response at all.
It is clear that your ex boyfriend is upset with you, yes.
However, notice how he is upset with you because you ignored him during no contact. That means that all he really wanted during that time was to talk to you. So, if after no contact he is still upset for the same reason that means that the intent to talk to you is still there.
In other words, the more angry he gets the more he really cares.
4 – Responding Neutrally
I suppose in order for us to to fully understand this section we first need to understand what a “neutral response” is.
My E-Book, The No Contact Rule Book teaches women that after the no contact rule they should actually reach out to their exes with a text message that is so interesting that is impossible for him not to respond. How he responds to that message is going to dictate how positively, negatively or neutrally he views you.
Well, if your ex boyfriend responds with a neutral response it would look something like this,
This would be considered a neutral response.
Now, the question in play here is what could possibly be going on in your exes mind if he gives you this type of response?
Generally speaking, if after no contact, your ex gives you this response it means he is either holding some type of resentment or anger over either the breakup or the no contact rule. Now, is that a good thing or a bad thing for you?
Well, I personally think it depends.
Some men are very passive aggressive and will hold their anger in over the breakup and it can come out in the form of neutral responses.
The key for dealing with these types of men is patience.
Here is how I would deal with this situation if I was in your shoes and it happened to me.
Rather than freaking out over a neutral response I would wait a day or two and then try again with another text. If the ex responds more positively then you know for a fact that you can advance things. However, if you try reaching out 3-5 times to your ex and he responds either negatively or neutrally each of those times it is at this point you know that his anger, resentment or disappointment runs deep and he may need more time to deal with the situation.
5 – Not Responding At All
Ok, for women who are using the no contact rule this is really the worst case scenario.
You use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and then after NC, according to the instructions via Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO you send a text message and your ex doesn’t respond. You have a pretty good head on your shoulders so you don’t freak out. You wait a week, send another text message and he doesn’t respond.
Ok, now you are are starting to get a little worried.
Of course, the world hasn’t ended yet as you wait yet another week and then try again.
Still no response…
What the heck is going on?
Well, if your ex refuses to talk to you after the no contact rule I think there are a few things that you have to take a look at.
Generally speaking an ex can get upset over the no contact rule being used on him and think to himself,
“Fine, I don’t need her. I am not going to talk to her at all.”
Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won’t be able to resist a response.
So, while it is possible that he could hold so much resentment for you ignoring him that he won’t even respond to you at all it is unlikely.
What is the more likely truth is that your ex holds resentment over the breakup or the reason you broke up.
You hurt him or angered him so deep that he doesn’t want to talk to you again.
For example, lets say you cheated on him with his best friend (totally not true but bear with me here.) If that happened to me, my significant other cheated on me with my best friend I would be so upset I would not be able to even talk to my significant other.
If your breakup reason hit him so hard emotionally it is entirely possible that he wont want to talk to you at all.
So, I guess the question you are wondering is how can you get him to talk to you?
Well, only The No Contact Rule Book can answer that 😉 .
Carol Lloyd
January 27, 2023 at 8:05 pm
Dumped my fella for treating me as a mistress, made it very clear that I should be a priority not an option, 4 weeks now, heard nothing, feel my options are 50, 50, as to his return, tell myself I haven’t lost anything from the relationship, he has
Bob
April 19, 2022 at 5:44 am
Hey! I fulfilled the no contact rule and I am on talking terms (neutral to ‘friendship positive). I already send a ‘positive reminder’ text. He apologized to me for not keeping in touch due to his new girlfriend (he wants to focus on her; a relationship over 3 months and no rebound). I told him if he wants to keep in touch ‘is solely up to him and weather he wants to’, but now he has not tried to contact me again. I am certain he is in love with her and not even remotely thinking of contacting me. How often and at what frequency to I try to initiate contact?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 20, 2022 at 9:17 pm
Hey Bob, so you would need to look up the being there method and how to use that information to your advantage.
T
March 17, 2022 at 9:32 pm
Hi Chris. My ex and I broke up mid January and we talked almost daily until my birthday Feb 5th. He blew me off and I initially started no contact but broke it after 3 days. I started again and last 2 weeks because I had to ask him about a car issue I thought he had fixed(I thought it might of fit into your rule on necessary things to break it for but later decided it wasn’t). He responded very positively but had a half in half out thing too. Updating me on his stressful work life and would take a day to response at a time. It’s now been 5 days since he texted back and I ignored him. Do I restart my NC or do I reach out again since he responded positively? I broke up with him due to poor communication essentially and he said “it would make me happy just to be able to call you a friend” in our last emotional text conversations before NC was ever put into effect.
Mayi
February 10, 2022 at 7:44 am
Does this work for a married couple? Husband wants to see I have changed. How will he see I changed if I implement no contact? I basically destroyed our marriage by nagging, raging and getting angry a lot. I made the mistake of contacting him after he said he needed space twice and said some hurtful things.
We are now OK but he says I should only contact him with important things and not to see how he is doing or trivial things. So he has basically asked for a no contact period.
He never asked for much, just for me not to argue about everything, keep our place tidy and cook. Everything else he provided. I feel so terrible for treating him the way I did. The worst part is that all the arguing has affected his mental wellbeing and I wish I could be there to help him recover.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 21, 2022 at 9:07 pm
Hi Mayi, yes it can work for married couples too but you would be in a limited no contact if you share responsibilities, such as utilities or children etc
Someba
December 4, 2021 at 7:56 pm
Long-distance relationship over a year. My last words were “I am done with this conversation. Bye” and I hung up the phone. Haven’t heard from him in a month nor did I make attempts to contact him. When he texted me, it was him trying to help me get a certain work position, but only that, not even “how are you?”. He texted 3 days, to update me on the work issues, but no hello, no bye, nothing personal. I briefly understood, through work sentences, that he has altered the plans that we had to live together, as he is relocating further away. I was not aware that the relationship was over, I thought we were taking some time to process. What do I make out of this?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 27, 2021 at 11:42 am
Hey Someba, I would say that it sounds as if your ex thinks the relationship is over. I would suggest that you start reaching out if you want your ex back.
Oma.
September 28, 2021 at 9:30 pm
I just ended my no contact rule of more than 45 days. I sent him a text but his reply is half in and half out, what do I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 3, 2021 at 4:10 pm
Hey Oma, if he responded positively then you would reach out with your second planned text in 3-5 days.
Julie
August 22, 2021 at 12:02 pm
I met this guy at work 4 months ago. It started out just as co workers with no feelings at all. As time went on we became flirty with each other. It never developed into anything just friends. I developed feelings for him and I made the mistake of telling him. He told me in a text that he didn’t feel the same and that we could always be friends. He slowly started pulling away. I stared noticing little things like I would be the one to text only to get one answer responses. Asking him to meet me to have coffee he would tell me he’s busy, etc. I went on vacation with family and he called me. We talked briefly. I called him back within an hour or so and he answered but then hung up quickly. I tried calling back and got voice mail. I then texted a few times and no response. I got mad and blocked him. I then deleted him off of my social media. We still
Work at the same place but he works in another department bc of college. I see him ever so often and we do not make any contact. I can tell though that he misses me and wants to talk bc he looks at me and starts to walk over but then decides not to. I tried contacting him but now he has blocked me by phone and social media. I am sooo confused and it has really effected me. I miss him sooo much. Someone please help!!! Thank you
Bob
July 11, 2021 at 4:01 pm
My ex boyfriend broke up with me over text little over a week ago, explaining that he had been speaking to his ex girlfriend for a few weeks while we were together ( 4 months), he said that she still liked him and he thought all his feeling had gone and fizzled away. He reassured me that he had never seen her while we were together, but decided that since they were reconnecting that they MIGHT give things another try. He then wrote on to tell me that he hopes i was okay with him and the decision he made to break up with me. I feel like i was in a rebound relationship. The next day he messaged me and put an ‘x’ at the end of the message, we only use these when we really meant it, never at the end of every message we sent each other. To which i read and ignored. He then tried to reach out again in person at the end of the day by doing ‘our’ cheesy smile and wave, which ones again i didn’t do back. The only issue is we work at the same place, so will continuously bump into each other at least 3 times a week and my parents also work here, which he got along with really well. I would like to try and get him back, i love him and still care about it, i was shocked when he wanted us to give up. His ex has hurt him once and i care enough to know that she will probably do it again. We never fought in our relationship, we never had an argument, we went out or ate in together, had pretty much 2 of the 4 weekends a month together, we talked everyday and even started doing activities we both enjoyed together, like swimming and gym. We both had a goal of loosing weight which we had in common and would also talk weekly about of weight gains and loses ect. He still has some of my belongings but has made no comment to give me them back. Physically we had a great relations, lots of kisses, hugs, cuddling, touching, (no sex, we didn’t want that). I guess i just cannot see why he chose her over me and is he trying to keep me in the friends zone as a replacement if things go wrong again?
Grace
June 25, 2021 at 12:44 pm
Hi, my 45 day NC is nearly up and I’m preparing to reach out to my ex, but I’m scared about his response. I’m scared he will ask me why I ignored him during NC, in which case, what should I say? I don’t want to say anything that gives me a bad look or affects how he sees me, after putting all the work in during NC. Also is talking about what we’ve done since the breakup a topic we should avoid? Because it feels like it will naturally come up but I also unfortunately feel like he will be immature and turn it into a who has ‘moved on’ the most competition. Another question I had, is that Chris talks a lot in his videos about not breaking NC until you have come to terms with the idea of losing your ex and although it’s sad, being ok with the idea of not getting him back. Although I feel closer and closer to that state of mind every day in NC, I still think it’s hard because my breakup was unexpected and there were so many things we had planned and were yet to do – as Chris says, you remember the incomplete tasks more than the complete! It is therefore very hard to get to a point where I am ok with the idea of not getting him back, because it’s the loss of all those things too and the idea of not getting to do them. Any advice on that and how those feelings should shape my exit out of NC? Thanks
Cam
February 9, 2021 at 9:57 pm
The only time I could see anger being an issue is when you don’t respond to him during NC. To which you need to let him know what you weren’t speaking because you wanted to heal yourself from the bitterness. I’d actually be more pleased/excited if he got angry because it shows he cares rather than the apathy I am expecting. My biggest fears are no response (which I doubt would happen) or disinterested pity response.
Swift
February 7, 2021 at 9:06 pm
What if you failed no contact 3 times? And now doing it again? This time not failing but no contact at all. He doesn’t want me he said he doesn’t trust me even though I haven’t really done anything wrong other than look after my mum
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 7, 2021 at 9:13 pm
Hey there so if you have failed 3 times, then this fourth time you NEED to complete 45 days solid without reaching out to him. IF he does not trust you and you’ve not given him reason not to then it shows that he is insecure and needs to work on himself rather than you doing anything wrong.
Cindy
January 27, 2021 at 3:52 pm
My boyfriend and I of four years just broke up due to several external issues that he was facing that was causing a lot of stress on me and him. We got into a huge fight and I kicked him out and I asked him back within hour but he moved out. I begged for him to come back in the first week but since trying to implement no contact. He has reached out several times to get more stuff at the house which he has and I gave him access and wasn’t there. He then texted again for more stuff and texted he missed me and sends me pictures of us over the years. He then came to get stuff during week four of no contact and I strutted my stuff, was confident, told him about all the great stuff on the go and he seemed miserable. Asked if I was dating, asking about what I’m doing, he asked for a hug and we hugged for what seemed like 5 minutes, he then talked again and hugged me again and leaned in and kissed me and told me he does and will always love me. He had to make two trips that day for stuff so I told him I was busy and was not there when he returned the second time. That was a few days ago and I resumed back to no contact and still nothing from him. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 6, 2021 at 4:18 pm
Hi Cindy, start following the program, step one being a No Contact period.
Sheez
November 5, 2020 at 8:02 pm
Hi,
I met this guy 2 years ago, we had on night stand and I ghosted him. I contacted him few months ago we were seeing each other for like 4 months (his place or mine) but he was saying thinks like we should do something outdoors next time playing tennis.. I was not sure what he wanted, he was the one who always stay in touch, do videos calls, cooking ect.. I was more cold, sending mix signals, no really open for discussions and wanted this to be more casual. I finally started to let it go and thinking about something more serious but I think it was too late, we had a fight and I decided to stop everything by text and applied the NCR for 4 months and a half. NC has been done during this period. After the NC I decided to speak to him by text he replied in a positif way. Saying his doing better now I remembered him. He wanted to know when am I gonna see him to repair all the heartache I caused.. on the same day I got injured. He wished me to recovery quickly. Since it has been 2 days I don’t hear from him and I’m not sure if he only wanted to see me for sex. We both are still on the same dating app.
Vivian
October 17, 2020 at 3:34 pm
We broke up because I wanted kids and he didn’t. It was a very amicable break up. No fighting, no affairs, no anger. At the very worst, he and I were very saddened over our relationship not being able to work in the end, but we both mutually decided it was best to part ways for now. The point of our breakup was to give me a chance to find somebody else that I can fall in love with and have kids with. But I haven’t been able to bring myself to date and I still want him in my life. We were best friends. Do I still implement the 30-day “no contact” rule for this situation?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 19, 2020 at 11:27 pm
Hi Vivian, you could still apply the no contact rule, however his stance on having children may not change. I would suggest that you think about what is more important having children, or being with him. Because if you get back together you may find that you are breaking up again for the same reason later down the line
Shamara
October 11, 2020 at 2:40 am
Hi Chris I have been dating a guy for 3 and a half years now, hes been really great until lately he’s been hiding his msgs his calls and putting his phone on silent whenever he’s around me….. and always promising to get married and move in but he’s making no steps towards any of that…..last week I saw him accidentally holding a supposedly “co-worker around her waist on the road also around her neck and he helped her to cross the road, none of which he has ever done for me, he says theirs nothing going on between them and tried his best to cover up. I got angry and told him it was over he hasn’t contacted me in a week now, I really do love him what do I do? Is it really over between us?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 22, 2020 at 9:19 pm
Hi Shamara, I can not really answer that question, what I would suggest that if you spend some time working on yourself in No Contact and then start reaching out with the texts that Chris suggests in his articles to see if you can create some reconnection with your ex and build rapport. Your NC needs to be at least 30 days 45 if you feel you need more time to work on yourself
Sarah
September 29, 2020 at 9:00 pm
Me and my boyfriend of nearly two years split up after I decided I had to walk away as he didn’t know what he wanted from our future. He withdrew everything from the table, children, marriage and a house together. I had no choice but to leave him and walk away. I’m 21 days into no contact, he’s removed me from social media and I haven’t heard from him. I don’t know what he’s thinking and I’m doubting my decision to walk away.
Catina Roop
September 22, 2020 at 6:22 pm
I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me I confronted about it and he denied it I sent him text with proof of the girl that he was texting stating that they had indeed been seeing each other and texting. I called him he denied it and I told him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. This happened about two weeks ago I’ve texted him and he only texted back one time when I showed up at his house he was not there I took a picture of his front door and told him I hope he was happy I called him it went straight to voicemail so after I got home he called me and said hey did you call me I said yes but it was a mistake I shouldn’t have called you I’m drunk and he said okay. Then he sent me a text saying you don’t need to be drinking and driving you have a good job you don’t need to lose it. And I told him I don’t need to be home why should I go home if you’re not home. I’ve been since sent him just a few texts and I sent a picture of me a provocative one and said this is what you’re missing that’s been about 3 days ago and I’m going to implement the no-contact order. Rotating he made me feel loved but he never told me he loved me you would give me lots of cash help furnish my apartment did things for my vehicle like putting new headlights in it buying four new tires buy me a GPS system but he still cheated on me with some girl who’s not even in the same class as me. So I need to know with the situation I’m starting to 30-day new contact. With fingers crossed that he will come back to me and apologize admit he was wrong and be willing to put an engagement ring on my finger because he knows that’s what I was wanting. He’s been married a couple of times before and he said when we first started dating it would be a long time before he married again because he got done wrong from what he says and he never told me he loved me but he said that’s because of the way he was done before that he doesn’t tell how he feels and I told him and text at some point in our relationship that he didn’t love me he didn’t care about me and he said you don’t tell people how they feel about you that they will tell you when they’re ready. I just wish I knew if he I was thinking about me and missing me because he hasn’t answered any of my texts and he was the one who did me wrong. But he would stare at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the world he would kiss me and just stare at me after we were intimate so I need advice I don’t want another man to touch me
Courtney
September 15, 2020 at 4:23 am
I was with my ex for 2 years. It started great and then went bad quickly. He lied about his status which ultimately killed our trust. I left him at that time but I wanted him back. Because the trust between us died, it made the relationship complicated because I could not trust anything he would say even if I had the evidence in hand. But i was still madly in love with him. I would accuse him of things all of the time. I honestly don’t believe he was cheating but I couldn’t figure out what was going on in his life when I wasn’t around. He broke up with me in July. We went 12 days NC, but I reached out to him to see how he was. The breakup was bad, really bad. He came out of nowhere with the breakup and I unleashed a fury of awful words to him. So me reaching out was my way of apologizing. He responded and we began hanging out and talking regularly again. Until one day he went ghost for several days. When he reached out again he told me he had a weak moment and attempted suicide. He never told why he did. But he kept saying he’s not himself, he’s stressed etc. never implied i was the reason but I felt like I was. 2 weeks ago 2 days after I stayed the night at his house, he told me he loved me. I hadn’t heard those words in awhile from him so it felt good. I had started having feelings again for him before that and yes I made it clear in the beginning my intentions were to get back together. So I asked him are we on the same page and then all hell broke loose. He got angry saying why do I make everything about me when he’s the one going thru things and attempted suicide. I said I’m protecting myself first so before I fall into a rabbit hole of emotions with you, do you feel the same?! Next thing you know he text me saying I love you but I have to let you go. That was 2 weeks ago. I texted him a few times since then. Begging basically to not make this decision now when angry but to give time to think it over. I basically wanted to keep myself relevant in fear he would forget me. The last text I sent was a meme on love. His response was “leave me be”.
Is it really over?!
I believe in the universe and it’s magic and it has always brought us back together. We would work on things individually but we would fall back into a comfortable pattern and forget about change made.
I’m heartbroken. And I’ve never felt this before. I truly miss my best friend.
Linda
September 11, 2020 at 9:08 am
My ex of a 3 month relationship broke up with me. It’s been nearly 30 days NC and I still haven’t heard from him. Not sure where it went wrong as he said he loved me and it felt so perfect as he could finish my sentences. We had so much in common and he couldn’t stop contacting me all day. He was acting different the last 2 weeks of the relationship so I tried breaking up with him. He said no then a few days later he did it. After 2 days he called me to say he “misses me”. Is he just playing around with me?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 11, 2020 at 9:09 pm
Hi Linda it sounds as if he is unsure of what he actually wants but you need to stick to a No Contact and work on yourself in that time, if he reaches out again in that time you just need to ignore him as you are setting yourself backwards each time you break your NC
Leshawna
September 5, 2020 at 10:57 am
Hi.
I’m in a pickle with this guy. We dated for over a year and then things went so downhill. I was always getting angry and We were always arguing a lot and it seemed like we didn’t understand each other. Soon after, he stopped putting effort into the relationship. I was the only one trying to make it work, and months later we broke up, which was in May. He always wanted to keep contact with me and he would tell me that he misses me. Anytime I didn’t come online for a day or two he would call and ask why I didn’t come online. We would even talk the way we used to when we were in a relationship. At first he would say he wants me back, that he just wants me to change and he wants us to understand each other. As the months progressed, we still argued about a lot and he would keep telling me that it’s not like we’re together, and it really hurt my feelings. I would send really long paragraphs to him (and I HATE typing), trying to explain my feelings but he would take it as me trying to argue. All these things we did over text. I do admit that I was a really pressuring person. I didn’t want to give up on us just yet. I wanted him to put in some effort. And then, the pressuring became too much. I’d get jealous when he posted a girl and not me, even if I sent him my pictures, I started arguing because I just wanted him to understand. At first he said we should go with the flow, and he really hoped we worked out, but then he kept telling me to move on. That I refuse to change, and if I did, there was a chance we would be back together. And anytime I texted him, he would be online and take time to respond. I stopped talking to him on Wednesday night this week, because I realized I shouldn’t be trying to convince him anymore. It’s not like he’d make an effort or show that he cared. I came across this no contact rule and decided it was a good idea. But I’m a business person so I can’t be offline for so long. And he sees my statuses. Will my no contact work that way or I need a different approach?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 1, 2020 at 1:55 pm
Hi Leshawna, I think the biggest thing you need to work on is your insecurities and the reason you get so angry at situations – this could be low self esteem. I would say that you definitely need to complete a 45 day No Contact and work on yourself in that time