Getting an ex boyfriend to chase you is essential if you him back. It is actually pretty common knowledge among a lot of the women (and even some men) who visit this site.
Yet, every day I receive inquiries, comments, emails and Facebook chats asking me one simple question:
“Why won’t he chase me anymore?”
Well, if you step back and think about it getting another human being to actively pursue you romantically is not a simple feat. Yet, if you type in a simple Google search and try to find something that actually can help you understand the process behind making a man chase you, you probably aren’t going to find anything that is worth your time to read.
I plan on changing that.
I wanted to create something that was pure value. I wanted you to read it and think to yourself “ok, THAT is why he isn’t chasing me” or “if I can follow the guidelines on this page I can get him chasing me again.” Alas, the guide you are reading was created.
(A Word Of Warning- If you are new to this site then you probably aren’t aware of the fact that I go into A LOT of detail in my guides. Heck, I even wrote a couple behemoth (length wise) books here and here. As a result, these pages tend to get really long. I promise you that every single word found on this page will work together towards one common goal, to help you make your ex boyfriend to chase you again. It is in your best interest to read this guide from start to finish.)
So, without further ado I present my complete guide on chase theory!
Will Getting Him To Chase Get Him Back?
It’s an interesting question isn’t it?
If you get your ex boyfriend to start chasing you does that mean you will eventually get him back?
The truth is…. no it doesn’t.
Getting him to chase you is only a part of a very long and complex process. Granted, it is a very large part of the process but still, there is a lot more to recovering an ex than just getting him to chase you. This is why I ended up writing an E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Throughout this article you are going to see me mention the E-Book. Please do not be alarmed as I will just be mentioning it as a helpful reminder that the particular sections I will be talking about on this page will be covered, more in-depth, in the E-Book.
For now, I want to invite you to check out what the E-Book covers before you continue reading this guide. After all, your main goal is to probably get your ex boyfriend back.
The Importance Of Logical Thinking
I am what you would call a thinker.
(This tends to happen when you are constantly trying to think of new ways to view relationships.)
A few days ago I realized something. When it comes to human beings and who is chasing who in most cases, it is the logical and more “under control” person who is being chased. Furthermore, when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back it is the logical and less emotional woman who tends to win out in the end.
I can’t tell you how many times I have pleaded with women to just “calm down” and “be patient” only to hear back from them two days later saying something like:
“Well, I screwed up bad this time….”
The first and most important lesson I can teach you about getting an ex boyfriend to chase you has to do with logical thinking.
One thing I have come to learn about women is that they tend to be a little more relationship oriented than men. As a result, they have an easier time when it comes to tapping into their emotions. Now, I am not denying the fact that being emotional can be a good thing in certain cases but it can really work against you if you are tying to get someone to chase you.
If I was approached by two women of equal looks and personality and asked to choose one to “chase.” One of the first things I would decipher as a man is how emotionally stable she is. So, if I talk to one of the women and find out that she can be a little too overemotional at times I would be less inclined to chase that woman.
Why is that?
Now, I will admit that I can’t speak for every single guy out there but what I am about to say holds true for almost every male I have ever known in my live. Someone who is over emotional sends a clear sign that they will be unstable to date.
About three years ago I got dragged on a date/setup type of thing. I usually hate going on these type of deals but my buddy begged me so I threw caution to the wind and decided to go for his sake. Let me set the stage for you a little bit here.
My friend and I were supposed to meet a group of girls at a local Olive Garden. So, there were two of us (my buddy and I) and a total of four girls (2 blondes and 2 brunettes.)
Upon arriving everyone was very cordial and “politically correct” but as time slowly advanced I began to notice things. One of the blondes was constantly casting looks over in my direction and saying stuff that I think was supposed to impress me. Seeing this I would be lying if I wasn’t flattered as she wasn’t horrible looking. For the next 30 minutes I talked to her trying to get a gauge on what she was like and then I noticed something…. she was a little too emotional.
Now, I do want to clarify and say that there was NO alcohol that this girl had drank so all of this was just a part of how she was acting.
She kept talking about the guys she had dated in the past and compared me to them. I remember her saying things like “your eyes are so pretty” and then she would turn her attention to the waiter and asked me if I thought he would give her his number. She was all over the place.
My feelings actually weren’t hurt when all this emotional craziness was happening from her. Instead, I remember thinking that a girl that acts like this is going to be unstable to date so in my eyes she became very ugly. Keep in mind, she was not physically ugly but she was emotionally ugly.
Of course, the story of over emotion doesn’t end there.
Believe it or not but the crazy blonde was not the most overemotional girl in the group.
After we finished our group meal at Olive Garden one of the girls suggested that we all go to the mall and walk around (the mall was literally right across the street.)
“Yes, because that is EXACTLY what I want to do (eye roll)” I thought to myself.
I turned to my buddy to see what he thought of the idea and the second I saw his face I knew… I knew I was going to have to endure more of this craziness at the mall. However, the Bro Code clearly states that you never leave a man behind so I sucked it up and decided to join the group excursion.
When we arrived at the mall I did my best to distance myself from the overemotional blonde that I had spoken to at the dinner. Instead, I began talking to one of the brunettes. She was clearly more “date saavy” than her blonde friend was (at least that was what I thought.)
I don’t remember the exact context of how we wound up in a clothing store but I think what ended up happening was my friend and I were dragged along to “rate” the girls as they tried on clothes.
“Because that is what EVERY guy wants to do (eye roll.)”
Of course, the brunette that I was talking to was grabbing a few scarfs (it was winter) and trying them on.
“What do you think of this?” she kept asking me.
I complimented her even though I knew next to nothing about clothes. That was when something happened. Something that not only made me angry but my friend as well.
As a joke she thought it would be fun to YELL at the top of her lungs “HE’S STEALING THIS SCARF!!! HE’S STEALING IT!”
Two thoughts went through my head at that point:
- This girl isn’t overemotional she is certifiably crazy.
- She probably acts like this ALL the time.
Mall security ended up coming to talk to us and I had to explain to them that she was joking. SHE didn’t explain anything because she thought it was funny watching this happen to me….
Applying A Logical Mindset To Your Ex
Now that you have a better idea of how being too emotional can work against you lets apply that knowledge to your ex.
Probably THE biggest mistake that I see from women who have bough Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO is that when the time finally does come to initiate contact with their ex they are not thinking about things logically.
Believe me I understand how hard it is to remove emotion from the equation when you are dealing with someone you care about beyond belief. There have been times when I have texted women and told myself “this is the last text I am sending her” only to run around like a crazy person when she texts me which eventually causes me to send 100 more texts.
Heed these words:
Removing emotion from the equation will be the single biggest challenge you will face when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend to chase you again.
However, if you are able to talk to an ex boyfriend without emotion then you are going to make great strides in your attempt to get him to chase you.
I find the answer pretty simple actually. Being able to talk to someone with logic instead of emotion gives you the ability to make smarter decisions and avoid common mistakes that I see every day here on the site. Of course, if you are able to remove emotion from the equation you are presented with an interesting contradiction.
The Emotion Contradiction
Relationships are usually based on an emotional connection that you establish with another human being.
So, when you turn off your emotions in order to think logically about a situation how can you possibly re-attract someone?
After all, it is their emotional connection or feeling towards you that will cause them to chase you and in order to develop that connection with them you need to tap into your own emotions.
This is where the two worlds of logic and emotion need to collide or more accurately, you need to use your logical mindset to identify the proper time to “turn on” your emotions. I find the best way to demonstrate these points are with examples.
Lets say that you and I dated but we are now ex.
You have decided that you want me back and you have worked really hard to remove emotion from the equation any time we communicate in text or in person. When would be the ideal time to tap into your emotions and re-establish a connection be?
This is where your ability to think logically comes in. Using a logical mindset you should be able to identify certain factors or do certain things that can cause me to begin to re-develop an emotional connection. The only question is: how do you do it?
How To Get Him To Chase You?
Wow, there is so much to go over here…
I guess we should hit the rewind button and start at the beginning because in order to figure out how you can get him to chase you again you need to understand a few basic concepts. The first thing I would like to discuss is the importance of not becoming a text gnat.
Do Not Become The Gnat
More often than not I have found that a lot of the women who come to this site screw things up by thinking with their hearts instead of their heads (again, are you seeing the connection to logical thinking?) After a break up please don’t fall into the trap of becoming a text gnat.
What’s a text gnat?
Well, it’s something that I talk about exclusively in my Texting Bible.
Text Gnat- Someone who sends multiple text messages to their ex. Often an ex won’t respond to these over emotional messages.
Text gnats are the very definition of someone who is needy and emotional. Basically, you need to view their behavior as the opposite of attraction. So, a series of messages from a text gnat would look like this:
(For more example texts check out my Texting Bible)
I want you to notice how desperate this person looks. He or she initially sent a text message asking if the other person was there. As time went on, with no response, he/she got angrier and angrier. Now, the thing to understand about text gnats is that it will be very difficult for you to get your ex boyfriend to chase you if he considers you to be one.
Another thing that I want to point out is that in the example I provided above what set the text gnat off was not getting a response from the person that they were texting. This is only one of the many ways you can be considered a text gnat.
Earlier this year I met a girl who was an extreme text gnat but she was a very unique one.
Allow me to explain.
I actually met this girl through Facebook. Now, I usually never give out my number to anyone on Facebook but I made an exception because this girl was very attractive (yes I know, I am shallow 🙁 .)
Boy was that a mistake….
A few hours into our first conversation I knew she was a text gnat but she was a new breed of text gnat.
The New Breed Of Text Gnat
Texting is like a gigantic game of chess where your emotions are on the line. If you want someone to chase you that is how you have to view your interactions with that person. This is exactly how I viewed my interactions with the girl I met on Facebook. She was good looking and I wanted her to chase me. There was just one problem… I didn’t even have to try to get her to chase me.
She was a text gnat, a new breed of one.
A lot of factors need to be taken into account when you text someone.
- How many texts are sent.
- How long the texts are.
- The time elapsed between each text.
- The content of the texts.
- The ratio of texts sent between each person.
The Facebook girl (the new breed.) Was what I like to call an ultimate text gnat.
Ultimate Text Gnat- Someone who sends long emotional texts in bunches, has a high ratio of messages sent and a short response time.
Let me give you another live example of the Ultimate Text Gnat:
Take a look at the message above. What do you see?
I will tell you what I see.
Firstly, notice the size of the “grey” persons messages compared to the “blue” person. Can you tell who is chasing who?
Secondly, I want you to look at the text message ratio. According to this admittedly small sampling of texts for every one message that the “blue” person sends the “grey” person is sending three.
A good text message ratio is 1:1
I know you aren’t able to see the message response time for the “grey” person but if you read the content in the messages you can tell that they were sent back to back to back. While there are times where a speedy response is required, in most cases I would say that a more measured response time is preferred.
Speaking of the content did you actually read what the “grey” person said?
Let me give you a little background because the content within the message here is kind of an important deal. The text message example I used above is a vague account of what I remember from my conversation with the Facebook girl. I had just met her/started texting her and she was asking me what I was doing.
Turns out, I was at a party hosted by my friend where we were going to watch the latest UFC fight at the time.
It was her “You know, next time you have one you should invite me. I would love to see you as soon as possible” message that really creeped me out.
I had just met her and already she was showing signs of “crazy.” Here is the wild part. This girl was attractive (from her Facebook photos) if she hadn’t been a text gnat I may have very well taken her on a date without her even asking. Instead, she didn’t approach the situation un-emotionally and did nothing to make me WANT to chase her.
Your Unique Situation
All of the examples I provided from my real life experience technically cannot be applied to your situation. After all, the main point of this article is to get your EX chasing you and not someone you just met. Does this mean that the information above is obsolete?
No, in fact you can use a lot of it to your advantage (text gnat stuff, logical mindset, etc.)
However, you are going to find yourself in a very unique situation. Allow me to explain.
I want you to think back to your relationship. Particularly the stage where the two of you were just “talking.” More often than not I am betting that at one point your (now ex boyfriend) was chasing you to convince you to date him. Again, there may be certain cases where this is not true but I believe that in most cases it is.
So, knowing this you are in a situation where at one point you had your boyfriend right where you wanted him, chasing you.
Of course, right now he isn’t chasing you so the real question is “what can you do to get him to chase you again?”
He was chasing you at one point so do you simply need to do what you did then?
No, and I will tell you why.
The Newness Factor
I have alluded to this in a lot of the previous pages on this site but I have never really taken the time to go in-depth, until now.
(Actually that’s not true… PRO does talk about this.)
Every human being is addicted to new things.
“Hey, did you see the new episode last night?”
“Great! It’s a new Football season!”
“I can’t wait to buy that new (insert product.)”
New, new, new!
So, if you were to ask me the question “can this knowledge be applied to relationships?”
My answer would be a simple YES!
Think about it for a moment. Whenever anyone enters into a new relationship they go through a honeymoon period! A collection of days or months where everything is perfect and no wrong can be done. What do you think causes this honeymoon period? Yup, you guessed it, the newness factor!
So, when it comes to getting an ex to chase you again you can’t do what you did before for a couple of reasons.
- Your ex has already experienced what you did previously.
- There is no newness to it.
Now that you understand these basic concepts lets take a moment to discuss the “new” way you can get your ex boyfriend to chase you again.
Patience Is Important
Before you do anything I am going to lay some hard truth down for you.
Getting an ex boyfriend to chase you again will require patience, strategy and a bit of luck.
In this section we are going to be focusing on the “patience” part.
I know, I know it isn’t exactly the most exciting thing in the world to talk about but it is an important thing to grasp. The are really two types of patience that I want to go over with you.
- Patience in no contact.
- Patience in contact.
Confused yet? Don’t worry I can explain.
Patience In No Contact
This site can be an extremely valuable resource if you actually take the time to read it. One of the most talked about things on here is the no contact rule. If you aren’t familiar with what that is I suggest you read this page.
No Contact Rule- A period of no contact with your ex. Usually lasting between 21-90 days. You ignore him if he contacts you and you aren’t allowed to reach out to him during the NC period.
The no contact rule is going to be an essential part of getting him to chase you again. Too many times have I seen women make the mistake of immediately contacting their ex during a breakup only to fall in the text gnat trap I described above. I think on some level all women who visit this site understand that contacting their ex right after a breakup usually isn’t the best idea because you aren’t in that logical mindset.
(Again with the logical 😉 .)
This is why I always recommend the no contact rule.
Here is the thing though.
I know that 90% of the women who try to do the no contact rule will eventually fail. I am looking at the amount of comments I have answered over this past year. Throughout this entire site there are close to 10,000 comments. That means that I have personally dealt with a lot of situations when it comes to exes and I can tell you that the no contact rule is the hardest thing for women to do.
One of my friends said it best.
When you love someone so completely and that person leaves you it is like they take a part of you and you will do anything to get that part back.
The only problem is that being emotional is usually the OPPOSITE way to get that part back.
This is the beauty of the no contact rule. Not only does it give your ex a chance to miss you but it also gives you a chance to get your head together. Of course, the reason most women who try NC and fail is because they simply don’t have any patience. I don’t think it is their fault either. I think it would be ok to blame the patience problem on society (yet again.)
One of the most interesting things about running a site that helps women is the fact that I meet a lot of people. I meet people from different countries, different religions and different ages. I want to specifically talk about what I have found regarding that last point (different ages.)
I have helped women as old as 55 and as young as 16. Want to know what I noticed (specifically when it comes to the no contact rule?)
Women who are older tend to have WAY more patience than younger ones.
(Admittedly that isn’t exactly a startling revelation but I still found it interesting.)
Why is that though? Why are older women more patient?
My theory is that they grew up in a different time. An age without cell phones, fast news and the internet. They grew up in an age where text messages didn’t exist and you still had to call people if you wanted to ask someone out on a date (or if someone wanted to ask you.)
Women who are older tend to be more patient because they grew up in a time where they had to be patient. There was no alternative.
When it comes to NC this is why older women tend to be stronger about the whole thing. Younger women on the other hand are the opposite. They want results fast and that is not always the best thing. As I am sure you have already worked out younger women tend to end NC sooner than older ones.
Of course, in the long run both older women and younger ones fail at no contact. It’s just that I have found older ones tend to last longer.
So, I urge you to go against the grain and actually complete your NC period without any slip ups!
Patience In Contact
The second form of patience we need to talk about today is the kind that you need to have when you are IN contact with your ex.
First though lets go over something really basic?
What is the difference between being in no contact and being in contact with your ex?
I promise this isn’t rocket science:
- Being in no contact, like I talked about above, means you are currently in the no contact period with your ex boyfriend.
- Being in contact with your ex is the opposite. It is the block of time after no contact where you are allowed to talk to your ex boyfriend.
Obviously, this section is going to focus on the block of time that you are IN contact with your ex. Without a doubt this is the most treacherous time. As hard as patience was with no contact, being in contact with your ex can be even harder.
I would like to focus specifically on the biggest problem I see from women who are currently in contact with their exes, trying to force things.
Lets say that you actually completed a 30 day no contact period without any slip ups and you are now in contact with your ex. Following my advice in the E-Book or on the how to get your ex back page you have successfully opened up the conversation. There is just one problem, you want too much too soon. Instead of being patient and doing things with a logical mindset you are forcing things. You want results faster than they can come and your ex is slowly but surely being turned off by this.
What do I mean by forcing things though?
Specifically, I mean you are not using the quality block texting method.
Quality Block Texting
Wow, there is so much to talk about here!
Quality block texting is probably the single most important tactic you can use when you text ANYONE (not just your ex) to get them to chase you.
So what is it?
Well, like anything this important it can be a little complicated to explain all at once so I have found that the very best way to make it understandable for you is to divide it up into two categories. Those categories are:
- TV Episode Theory
- Quality Block Texting Explained
Lets get started!
TV Episode Theory
The TV episode theory is the basis behind QBT (quality block texting) which is something I really preach in The Bible. Without properly understanding this then everything I am teaching you here is useless.
Alright, if you can’t already tell I am a bit of a nerd. One of my favorite things to do is to watch TV shows on Netflix. If I am fortunate enough to find a good TV show that is worth watching I will binge watch all the seasons in about a week or two. The point of me telling you this is that I know my way around TV shows. I have watched enough to find certain similarities within each show.
It is actually pretty simple when you think about.
TV shows are shown by networks. Networks make their money through advertising. So, it is a TV shows job to pull in as many viewers as possible. There are multiple ways to do this but the most successful shows have pretty good writing and follow a simple template:
- Create a compelling story.
- Get the audience invested in characters.
- End each episode on a cliffhanger with the intent of making the audience tune in again next week.
All good TV shows have mastered this formula. Specifically, I want to talk about the third point I made, the cliffhanger.
A good cliffhanger will leave the audience wondering “what will happen next?” This invariably causes them to tune in to the shows next episode which is exactly what the TV show wants. Cliffhangers are essential to the QBT (quality block texting) theory.
You see, throughout this site, if you are an avid reader, you will notice that every once in a while I mention the importance of leaving your ex wanting more. A good cliffhanger will do exactly that.
I remember the first time I ever experienced a truly good cliffhanger. Interestingly, it wasn’t in a TV show but rather a movie.
Lord of the Rings specifically.
I remember being so immersed into the world that Peter Jackson (the director) had created. The time flew by and for three hours I was captivated and then it just ended. I remember getting up out of my seat and thinking “that’s it? I WANT MORE!” It was a perfect cliffhanger because I had to wait an entire year to see the next installment and I never forgot that feeling.
Now, imagine if you could use this type of feeling to get your ex chasing you, constantly wanting more.
I want to introduce you to the quality block texting theory.
Quality Block Texting Explained
You are talking to your ex boyfriend the wrong way…
More specifically, you are texting him the wrong way.
In my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, I talk a lot about how you should text your ex boyfriend. Initially, after the NC period you HAVE to take things slow. You need to lead up to a place where you can have an actual conversation with him. That is where I would like to skip ahead to. I want to talk about the actual having a conversation with him because this is where you can really make strides in forcing him to chase you.
When you normally text someone (with the intent of having a conversation) you usually do so until one of you grows bored and stops talking to eachother. What if I told you that there was a better way. What if I told you that there was a way you can text someone, be in control and keep things interesting.
This is the basis of the QBT, to keep things interesting and be in control at all times.
How does it work?
When you think of a texting conversation I want you to think of it like a straight line. Any time you text and whoever you are texting texts back that straight line continues. Eventually the straight line will end when one of you doesn’t message back. However, if you can get a good conversation going that line can usually keep growing for a long time.
I have had texting conversations as long as a week straight (which is one gigantic line.)
Now, what if I told you to treat your texting conversations with people like TV episodes?
What I mean by that is what if I told you to divide up that straight line into certain time blocks where you focus on only QUALITY conversation instead of quantity?
It’s complicated I know but I have actually done this and it works amazingly. Allow me to expand.
Whenever I talk to someone that I am interested in I always cut my conversations with them prematurely. I do this for a couple of reasons.
- It acts as a self made cliff hanger.
- It leaves them wanting more.
So, lets say that you and I had dated and I wanted to get you back. The first thing I would do would obviously be the NC rule and everything else I talk about in the E-Book and in this site. However, when the time comes for me to finally get in an actual conversation with you (and I want you to chase me) I am going to implement the QBT theory.
How would I go about doing that?
The very first thing I would do would be to engage you in a conversation. Once I have done that I would build rapport with you and then end the conversation prematurely. I would probably end up saying something like:
“Hey, I just got busy I’ll catch you later.”
“Can I text you back later?”
This will hopefully do a couple of things. It will end our conversation on a cliffhanger and open up a possibility of me contacting you later. Now, obviously a lot depends on the content of the messages I sent you but if I do a good job it can definitely work to my advantage.
That’s not it though. About 3-5 hours later I would text you again and repeat the process over and over. Do you see what I am doing here? I am dividing my texts up into these segmented blocks of quality time where I control everything. I control when the texts are started and when they end.
Now, there are a lot of variables that go between the lines here. The QBT method requires a lot of logical thinking to do correctly. You need to be logical in order to decide when you need to cut the conversation off and that can be really hard if you are establishing good rapport with your ex. There is a certain amount of comfort that goes into “getting responses” and knowing when to cut the conversation short can be really tough if emotion is involved.
Any Real World Experience Using This Method?
I actually tried this method on a girl I had feelings for earlier last month. Interestingly, this is one of those girls that I could never get a date with. I had ended up trying to ask her on a date three different times. She would make the date but a day before we were supposed to go out something always ended up “coming up.” Now, I may be a guy but I am not dumb. When this happens three times in a row I can tell she is just trying to spare my feelings.
If you can’t already tell I like to dissect things. So, when I don’t get a date with someone I like I end up thinking a lot about what I could have done better to improve my chances. The thing I noticed was that I was the one who was always doing the chasing. I did some thinking and eventually came up with the QBT method and decided to try it out.
My thinking was “hey, I have nothing to lose.”
So, what happened? It worked like a charm and I got the date (and actually went on it!)