By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 27th, 2021

Getting an ex boyfriend to chase you is essential if you him back. It is actually pretty common knowledge among a lot of the women (and even some men) who visit this site.

Yet, every day I receive inquiries, comments, emails and Facebook chats asking me one simple question:

“Why won’t he chase me anymore?”

Well, if you step back and think about it getting another human being to actively pursue you romantically is not a simple feat. Yet, if you type in a simple Google search and try to find something that actually can help you understand the process behind making a man chase you, you probably aren’t going to find anything that is worth your time to read.

I plan on changing that.

I wanted to create something that was pure value. I wanted you to read it and think to yourself “ok, THAT is why he isn’t chasing me” or “if I can follow the guidelines on this page I can get him chasing me again.” Alas, the guide you are reading was created.

(A Word Of Warning- If you are new to this site then you probably aren’t aware of the fact that I go into A LOT of detail in my guides. Heck, I even wrote a couple behemoth (length wise) books here and here. As a result, these pages tend to get really long. I promise you that every single word found on this page will work together towards one common goal, to help you make your ex boyfriend to chase you again. It is in your best interest to read this guide from start to finish.)

So, without further ado I present my complete guide on chase theory!

But first..

Will Getting Him To Chase Get Him Back?

chasing cat

It’s an interesting question isn’t it?

If you get your ex boyfriend to start chasing you does that mean you will eventually get him back?

The truth is…. no it doesn’t.

Getting him to chase you is only a part of a very long and complex process. Granted, it is a very large part of the process but still, there is a lot more to recovering an ex than just getting him to chase you. This is why I ended up writing an E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Throughout this article you are going to see me mention the E-Book. Please do not be alarmed as I will just be mentioning it as a helpful reminder that the particular sections I will be talking about on this page will be covered, more in-depth, in the E-Book.

For now, I want to invite you to check out what the E-Book covers before you continue reading this guide. After all, your main goal is to probably get your ex boyfriend back.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

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The Importance Of Logical Thinking


I am what you would call a thinker.

(This tends to happen when you are constantly trying to think of new ways to view relationships.)

A few days ago I realized something. When it comes to human beings and who is chasing who in most cases, it is the logical and more “under control” person who is being chased. Furthermore, when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back it is the logical and less emotional woman who tends to win out in the end.

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I can’t tell you how many times I have pleaded with women to just “calm down” and “be patient” only to hear back from them two days later saying something like:

“Well, I screwed up bad this time….”

The first and most important lesson I can teach you about getting an ex boyfriend to chase you has to do with logical thinking.

One thing I have come to learn about women is that they tend to be a little more relationship oriented than men. As a result, they have an easier time when it comes to tapping into their emotions. Now, I am not denying the fact that being emotional can be a good thing in certain cases but it can really work against you if you are tying to get someone to chase you.

If I was approached by two women of equal looks and personality and asked to choose one to “chase.” One of the first things I would decipher as a man is how emotionally stable she is. So, if I talk to one of the women and find out that she can be a little too overemotional at times I would be less inclined to chase that woman.

Why is that?

Now, I will admit that I can’t speak for every single guy out there but what I am about to say holds true for almost every male I have ever known in my live. Someone who is over emotional sends a clear sign that they will be unstable to date.

Overemotional Story


About three years ago I got dragged on a date/setup type of thing. I usually hate going on these type of deals but my buddy begged me so I threw caution to the wind and decided to go for his sake. Let me set the stage for you a little bit here.

My friend and I were supposed to meet a group of girls at a local Olive Garden. So, there were two of us (my buddy and I) and a total of four girls (2 blondes and 2 brunettes.)

Upon arriving everyone was very cordial and “politically correct” but as time slowly advanced I began to notice things. One of the blondes was constantly casting looks over in my direction and saying stuff that I think was supposed to impress me. Seeing this I would be lying if I wasn’t flattered as she wasn’t horrible looking. For the next 30 minutes I talked to her trying to get a gauge on what she was like and then I noticed something…. she was a little too emotional.

Now, I do want to clarify and say that there was NO alcohol that this girl had drank so all of this was just a part of how she was acting.

She kept talking about the guys she had dated in the past and compared me to them. I remember her saying things like “your eyes are so pretty” and then she would turn her attention to the waiter and asked me if I thought he would give her his number. She was all over the place.

My feelings actually weren’t hurt when all this emotional craziness was happening from her. Instead, I remember thinking that a girl that acts like this is going to be unstable to date so in my eyes she became very ugly. Keep in mind, she was not physically ugly but she was emotionally ugly.

Of course, the story of over emotion doesn’t end there.

Believe it or not but the crazy blonde was not the most overemotional girl in the group.

After we finished our group meal at Olive Garden one of the girls suggested that we all go to the mall and walk around (the mall was literally right across the street.)

“Yes, because that is EXACTLY what I want to do (eye roll)” I thought to myself.

I turned to my buddy to see what he thought of the idea and the second I saw his face I knew… I knew I was going to have to endure more of this craziness at the mall. However, the Bro Code clearly states that you never leave a man behind so I sucked it up and decided to join the group excursion.

When we arrived at the mall I did my best to distance myself from the overemotional blonde that I had spoken to at the dinner. Instead, I began talking to one of the brunettes. She was clearly more “date saavy” than her blonde friend was (at least that was what I thought.)

I don’t remember the exact context of how we wound up in a clothing store but I think what ended up happening was my friend and I were dragged along to “rate” the girls as they tried on clothes.

“Because that is what EVERY guy wants to do (eye roll.)”

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Of course, the brunette that I was talking to was grabbing a few scarfs (it was winter) and trying them on.

“What do you think of this?” she kept asking me.

I complimented her even though I knew next to nothing about clothes. That was when something happened. Something that not only made me angry but my friend as well.

As a joke she thought it would be fun to YELL at the top of her lungs “HE’S STEALING THIS SCARF!!! HE’S STEALING IT!”

Two thoughts went through my head at that point:

  1. This girl isn’t overemotional she is certifiably crazy.
  2. She probably acts like this ALL the time.

Mall security ended up coming to talk to us and I had to explain to them that she was joking. SHE didn’t explain anything because she thought it was funny watching this happen to me….

Applying A Logical Mindset To Your Ex


Now that you have a better idea of how being too emotional can work against you lets apply that knowledge to your ex.

Probably THE biggest mistake that I see from women who have bough Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO is that when the time finally does come to initiate contact with their ex they are not thinking about things logically.

Believe me I understand how hard it is to remove emotion from the equation when you are dealing with someone you care about beyond belief. There have been times when I have texted women and told myself “this is the last text I am sending her” only to run around like a crazy person when she texts me which eventually causes me to send 100 more texts.

Heed these words:

Removing emotion from the equation will be the single biggest challenge you will face when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend to chase you again.

However, if you are able to talk to an ex boyfriend without emotion then you are going to make great strides in your attempt to get him to chase you.


I find the answer pretty simple actually. Being able to talk to someone with logic instead of emotion gives you the ability to make smarter decisions and avoid common mistakes that I see every day here on the site. Of course, if you are able to remove emotion from the equation you are presented with an interesting contradiction.

The Emotion Contradiction

Relationships are usually based on an emotional connection that you establish with another human being.

So, when you turn off your emotions in order to think logically about a situation how can you possibly re-attract someone?

After all, it is their emotional connection or feeling towards you that will cause them to chase you and in order to develop that connection with them you need to tap into your own emotions.

This is where the two worlds of logic and emotion need to collide or more accurately, you need to use your logical mindset to identify the proper time to “turn on” your emotions. I find the best way to demonstrate these points are with examples.

Lets say that you and I dated but we are now ex.

You have decided that you want me back and you have worked really hard to remove emotion from the equation any time we communicate in text or in person. When would be the ideal time to tap into your emotions and re-establish a connection be?

This is where your ability to think logically comes in. Using a logical mindset you should be able to identify certain factors or do certain things that can cause me to begin to re-develop an emotional connection. The only question is: how do you do it?

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How To Get Him To Chase You?


Wow, there is so much to go over here…

I guess we should hit the rewind button and start at the beginning because in order to figure out how you can get him to chase you again you need to understand a few basic concepts. The first thing I would like to discuss is the importance of not becoming a text gnat.

Do Not Become The Gnat

More often than not I have found that a lot of the women who come to this site screw things up by thinking with their hearts instead of their heads (again, are you seeing the connection to logical thinking?) After a break up please don’t fall into the trap of becoming a text gnat.

What’s a text gnat?

Well, it’s something that I talk about exclusively in my Texting Bible.

Text Gnat- Someone who sends multiple text messages to their ex. Often an ex won’t respond to these over emotional messages.

Text gnats are the very definition of someone who is needy and emotional. Basically, you need to view their behavior as the opposite of attraction. So, a series of messages from a text gnat would look like this:

text gnat message

(For more example texts check out my Texting Bible)

I want you to notice how desperate this person looks. He or she initially sent a text message asking if the other person was there. As time went on, with no response, he/she got angrier and angrier. Now, the thing to understand about text gnats is that it will be very difficult for you to get your ex boyfriend to chase you if he considers you to be one.

Another thing that I want to point out is that in the example I provided above what set the text gnat off was not getting a response from the person that they were texting. This is only one of the many ways you can be considered a text gnat.

Earlier this year I met a girl who was an extreme text gnat but she was a very unique one.

Allow me to explain.

I actually met this girl through Facebook. Now, I usually never give out my number to anyone on Facebook but I made an exception because this girl was very attractive (yes I know, I am shallow 🙁 .)

Boy was that a mistake….

A few hours into our first conversation I knew she was a text gnat but she was a new breed of text gnat.

The New Breed Of Text Gnat

Texting is like a gigantic game of chess where your emotions are on the line. If you want someone to chase you that is how you have to view your interactions with that person. This is exactly how I viewed my interactions with the girl I met on Facebook. She was good looking and I wanted her to chase me. There was just one problem… I didn’t even have to try to get her to chase me.

She was a text gnat, a new breed of one.

A lot of factors need to be taken into account when you text someone.

  • How many texts are sent.
  • How long the texts are.
  • The time elapsed between each text.
  • The content of the texts.
  • The ratio of texts sent between each person.

The Facebook girl (the new breed.) Was what I like to call an ultimate text gnat.

Ultimate Text Gnat- Someone who sends long emotional texts in bunches, has a high ratio of messages sent and a short response time.

Let me give you another live example of the Ultimate Text Gnat:


Take a look at the message above. What do you see?

I will tell you what I see.

Firstly, notice the size of the “grey” persons messages compared to the “blue” person. Can you tell who is chasing who?

Secondly, I want you to look at the text message ratio. According to this admittedly small sampling of texts for every one message that the “blue” person sends the “grey” person is sending three.

A good text message ratio is 1:1

I know you aren’t able to see the message response time for the “grey” person but if you read the content in the messages you can tell that they were sent back to back to back. While there are times where a speedy response is required, in most cases I would say that a more measured response time is preferred.

Speaking of the content did you actually read what the “grey” person said?

Let me give you a little background because the content within the message here is kind of an important deal. The text message example I used above is a vague account of what I remember from my conversation with the Facebook girl. I had just met her/started texting her and she was asking me what I was doing.

Turns out, I was at a party hosted by my friend where we were going to watch the latest UFC fight at the time.

It was her “You know, next time you have one you should invite me. I would love to see you as soon as possible” message that really creeped me out.

I had just met her and already she was showing signs of “crazy.” Here is the wild part. This girl was attractive (from her Facebook photos) if she hadn’t been a text gnat I may have very well taken her on a date without her even asking. Instead, she didn’t approach the situation un-emotionally and did nothing to make me WANT to chase her.

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Your Unique Situation


All of the examples I provided from my real life experience technically cannot be applied to your situation. After all, the main point of this article is to get your EX chasing you and not someone you just met. Does this mean that the information above is obsolete?

No, in fact you can use a lot of it to your advantage (text gnat stuff, logical mindset, etc.)

However, you are going to find yourself in a very unique situation. Allow me to explain.

I want you to think back to your relationship. Particularly the stage where the two of you were just “talking.” More often than not I am betting that at one point your (now ex boyfriend) was chasing you to convince you to date him. Again, there may be certain cases where this is not true but I believe that in most cases it is.

So, knowing this you are in a situation where at one point you had your boyfriend right where you wanted him, chasing you.

Of course, right now he isn’t chasing you so the real question is “what can you do to get him to chase you again?”

He was chasing you at one point so do you simply need to do what you did then?

No, and I will tell you why.

The Newness Factor

I have alluded to this in a lot of the previous pages on this site but I have never really taken the time to go in-depth, until now.

(Actually that’s not true… PRO does talk about this.)

Every human being is addicted to new things.

“Hey, did you see the new episode last night?”

“Great! It’s a new Football season!”

“I can’t wait to buy that new (insert product.)”

New, new, new!

So, if you were to ask me the question “can this knowledge be applied to relationships?”

My answer would be a simple YES!

Think about it for a moment. Whenever anyone enters into a new relationship they go through a honeymoon period! A collection of days or months where everything is perfect and no wrong can be done. What do you think causes this honeymoon period? Yup, you guessed it, the newness factor!

So, when it comes to getting an ex to chase you again you can’t do what you did before for a couple of reasons.

  1. Your ex has already experienced what you did previously.
  2. There is no newness to it.

Now that you understand these basic concepts lets take a moment to discuss the “new” way you can get your ex boyfriend to chase you again.

Patience Is Important

patient bear

Before you do anything I am going to lay some hard truth down for you.

Getting an ex boyfriend to chase you again will require patience, strategy and a bit of luck.

In this section we are going to be focusing on the “patience” part.

I know, I know it isn’t exactly the most exciting thing in the world to talk about but it is an important thing to grasp. The are really two types of patience that I want to go over with you.

  1. Patience in no contact.
  2. Patience in contact.

Confused yet? Don’t worry I can explain.

Patience In No Contact

This site can be an extremely valuable resource if you actually take the time to read it. One of the most talked about things on here is the no contact rule. If you aren’t familiar with what that is I suggest you read this page.

No Contact Rule- A period of no contact with your ex. Usually lasting between 21-90 days. You ignore him if he contacts you and you aren’t allowed to reach out to him during the NC period.

The no contact rule is going to be an essential part of getting him to chase you again. Too many times have I seen women make the mistake of immediately contacting their ex during a breakup only to fall in the text gnat trap I described above. I think on some level all women who visit this site understand that contacting their ex right after a breakup usually isn’t the best idea because you aren’t in that logical mindset.

(Again with the logical 😉 .)

This is why I always recommend the no contact rule.

Here is the thing though.

I know that 90% of the women who try to do the no contact rule will eventually fail. I am looking at the amount of comments I have answered over this past year. Throughout this entire site there are close to 10,000 comments. That means that I have personally dealt with a lot of situations when it comes to exes and I can tell you that the no contact rule is the hardest thing for women to do.

One of my friends said it best.

When you love someone so completely and that person leaves you it is like they take a part of you and you will do anything to get that part back.

The only problem is that being emotional is usually the OPPOSITE way to get that part back.

This is the beauty of the no contact rule. Not only does it give your ex a chance to miss you but it also gives you a chance to get your head together. Of course, the reason most women who try NC and fail is because they simply don’t have any patience. I don’t think it is their fault either. I think it would be ok to blame the patience problem on society (yet again.)

One of the most interesting things about running a site that helps women is the fact that I meet a lot of people. I meet people from different countries, different religions and different ages. I want to specifically talk about what I have found regarding that last point (different ages.)

I have helped women as old as 55 and as young as 16. Want to know what I noticed (specifically when it comes to the no contact rule?)

Women who are older tend to have WAY more patience than younger ones.

(Admittedly that isn’t exactly a startling revelation but I still found it interesting.)

Why is that though? Why are older women more patient?

My theory is that they grew up in a different time. An age without cell phones, fast news and the internet. They grew up in an age where text messages didn’t exist and you still had to call people if you wanted to ask someone out on a date (or if someone wanted to ask you.)

Women who are older tend to be more patient because they grew up in a time where they had to be patient. There was no alternative.

When it comes to NC this is why older women tend to be stronger about the whole thing. Younger women on the other hand are the opposite. They want results fast and that is not always the best thing. As I am sure you have already worked out younger women tend to end NC sooner than older ones.

Of course, in the long run both older women and younger ones fail at no contact. It’s just that I have found older ones tend to last longer.

So, I urge you to go against the grain and actually complete your NC period without any slip ups!

Patience In Contact

The second form of patience we need to talk about today is the kind that you need to have when you are IN contact with your ex.

First though lets go over something really basic?

What is the difference between being in no contact and being in contact with your ex?

I promise this isn’t rocket science:

  • Being in no contact, like I talked about above, means you are currently in the no contact period with your ex boyfriend.
  • Being in contact with your ex is the opposite. It is the block of time after no contact where you are allowed to talk to your ex boyfriend.

Obviously, this section is going to focus on the block of time that you are IN contact with your ex. Without a doubt this is the most treacherous time. As hard as patience was with no contact, being in contact with your ex can be even harder.

I would like to focus specifically on the biggest problem I see from women who are currently in contact with their exes, trying to force things.

Lets say that you actually completed a 30 day no contact period without any slip ups and you are now in contact with your ex. Following my advice in the E-Book or on the how to get your ex back page you have successfully opened up the conversation. There is just one problem, you want too much too soon. Instead of being patient and doing things with a logical mindset you are forcing things. You want results faster than they can come and your ex is slowly but surely being turned off by this.

What do I mean by forcing things though?

Specifically, I mean you are not using the quality block texting method.

Quality Block Texting

texting meme

Wow, there is so much to talk about here!

Quality block texting is probably the single most important tactic you can use when you text ANYONE (not just your ex) to get them to chase you.

So what is it?

Well, like anything this important it can be a little complicated to explain all at once so I have found that the very best way to make it understandable for you is to divide it up into two categories. Those categories are:

  • TV Episode Theory
  • Quality Block Texting Explained

Lets get started!

TV Episode Theory

tv show

The TV episode theory is the basis behind QBT (quality block texting) which is something I really preach in The Bible. Without properly understanding this then everything I am teaching you here is useless.

Alright, if you can’t already tell I am a bit of a nerd. One of my favorite things to do is to watch TV shows on Netflix. If I am fortunate enough to find a good TV show that is worth watching I will binge watch all the seasons in about a week or two. The point of me telling you this is that I know my way around TV shows. I have watched enough to find certain similarities within each show.

It is actually pretty simple when you think about.

TV shows are shown by networks. Networks make their money through advertising. So, it is a TV shows job to pull in as many viewers as possible. There are multiple ways to do this but the most successful shows have pretty good writing and follow a simple template:

  • Create a compelling story.
  • Get the audience invested in characters.
  • End each episode on a cliffhanger with the intent of making the audience tune in again next week.

All good TV shows have mastered this formula. Specifically, I want to talk about the third point I made, the cliffhanger.

A good cliffhanger will leave the audience wondering “what will happen next?” This invariably causes them to tune in to the shows next episode which is exactly what the TV show wants. Cliffhangers are essential to the QBT (quality block texting) theory.

You see, throughout this site, if you are an avid reader, you will notice that every once in a while I mention the importance of leaving your ex wanting more. A good cliffhanger will do exactly that.

I remember the first time I ever experienced a truly good cliffhanger. Interestingly, it wasn’t in a TV show but rather a movie.

Lord of the Rings specifically.

I remember being so immersed into the world that Peter Jackson (the director) had created. The time flew by and for three hours I was captivated and then it just ended. I remember getting up out of my seat and thinking “that’s it? I WANT MORE!” It was a perfect cliffhanger because I had to wait an entire year to see the next installment and I never forgot that feeling.

Now, imagine if you could use this type of feeling to get your ex chasing you, constantly wanting more.

I want to introduce you to the quality block texting theory.

Quality Block Texting Explained

meme text

You are talking to your ex boyfriend the wrong way…

More specifically, you are texting him the wrong way.

In my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, I talk a lot about how you should text your ex boyfriend. Initially, after the NC period you HAVE to take things slow. You need to lead up to a place where you can have an actual conversation with him. That is where I would like to skip ahead to. I want to talk about the actual having a conversation with him because this is where you can really make strides in forcing him to chase you.

When you normally text someone (with the intent of having a conversation) you usually do so until one of you grows bored and stops talking to eachother. What if I told you that there was a better way. What if I told you that there was a way you can text someone, be in control and keep things interesting.

This is the basis of the QBT, to keep things interesting and be in control at all times.

How does it work?

When you think of a texting conversation I want you to think of it like a straight line. Any time you text and whoever you are texting texts back that straight line continues. Eventually the straight line will end when one of you doesn’t message back. However, if you can get a good conversation going that line can usually keep growing for a long time.

I have had texting conversations as long as a week straight (which is one gigantic line.)

Now, what if I told you to treat your texting conversations with people like TV episodes?

What I mean by that is what if I told you to divide up that straight line into certain time blocks where you focus on only QUALITY conversation instead of quantity?

It’s complicated I know but I have actually done this and it works amazingly. Allow me to expand.

Whenever I talk to someone that I am interested in I always cut my conversations with them prematurely. I do this for a couple of reasons.

  1. It acts as a self made cliff hanger.
  2. It leaves them wanting more.

So, lets say that you and I had dated and I wanted to get you back. The first thing I would do would obviously be the NC rule and everything else I talk about in the E-Book and in this site. However, when the time comes for me to finally get in an actual conversation with you (and I want you to chase me) I am going to implement the QBT theory.

How would I go about doing that?

The very first thing I would do would be to engage you in a conversation. Once I have done that I would build rapport with you and then end the conversation prematurely. I would probably end up saying something like:

“Hey, I just got busy I’ll catch you later.”


“Can I text you back later?”

This will hopefully do a couple of things. It will end our conversation on a cliffhanger and open up a possibility of me contacting you later. Now, obviously a lot depends on the content of the messages I sent you but if I do a good job it can definitely work to my advantage.

That’s not it though. About 3-5 hours later I would text you again and repeat the process over and over. Do you see what I am doing here? I am dividing my texts up into these segmented blocks of quality time where I control everything. I control when the texts are started and when they end.

Now, there are a lot of variables that go between the lines here. The QBT method requires a lot of logical thinking to do correctly. You need to be logical in order to decide when you need to cut the conversation off and that can be really hard if you are establishing good rapport with your ex. There is a certain amount of comfort that goes into “getting responses” and knowing when to cut the conversation short can be really tough if emotion is involved.

Any Real World Experience Using This Method?

I actually tried this method on a girl I had feelings for earlier last month. Interestingly, this is one of those girls that I could never get a date with. I had ended up trying to ask her on a date three different times. She would make the date but a day before we were supposed to go out something always ended up “coming up.” Now, I may be a guy but I am not dumb. When this happens three times in a row I can tell she is just trying to spare my feelings.

If you can’t already tell I like to dissect things. So, when I don’t get a date with someone I like I end up thinking a lot about what I could have done better to improve my chances. The thing I noticed was that I was the one who was always doing the chasing. I did some thinking and eventually came up with the QBT method and decided to try it out.

My thinking was “hey, I have nothing to lose.”

So, what happened? It worked like a charm and I got the date (and actually went on it!)

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983 thoughts on “Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again”

  1. MJ

    February 8, 2022 at 3:37 pm

    I hope this is still active! But I’ll try to keep this short. My ex fiancè and I were together for 8 years. We got culturally married but no legal wedding due to COVID. We were best friends and an incredible together for 7 of those years. The past year after he lost his job, he lost a lot of himself and I began to resent him. That led to some heated fights and him postponing the wedding but me being so hurt I ended the relationship. I rebounded with another guy which destroyed my ex. My ex and I reconnected again after a month, had a couple weeks of passion and confessing our love again, and I told him I would make things right. When my rebound came to visit me (out of city) I ended up realising that I was doing everything out of anger and pain and broke things off with this guy to pursue working things out in a healthy way with my ex. He instead found a rebound as well in this time period and I fell into desperation to try and win him back. I let him do his thing with this girl for 2 months who was 10 years younger than him and not even 19 yet out of guilt and love, and he kept asking me for time while us still talking almost everyday and seeing each other at least once a week. I then found out I was pregnant with his baby and he went through a shock and resentment period. Him and I got in another fight and I decided that I was going to try and implement the limited contact rule. I was successful for about 14 days and then we went to our ultrasound. Here he exclaimed how he had processed everything, he was excited for this baby and journey but he didn’t want to be with me for the wrong reasons. He’s going through a lot of mental turmoil in his own personal life also so a part of me broke and ended up being supportive towards him and understanding his desire to have his holy trinity aligned before pursuing a relationship. Now he’s still seeing this girl (not serious on his end but she has exclaimed she loves him), he doesn’t see a relationship with her but is infatuated or something by her. He wants to eventually try therapy with us but keeps saying he wants to do things the right way before taking other steps. He recently has told his family he loves me(they told me), and that he wants to do right by the baby and I but he’s torn between recommitting and enjoying his single life. I’m 3 months pregnant. I have no clue if I should restart NC, since I’m worried if I give him more space he will get even more attached to her. Or I just don’t know what to do at all. We are getting closer again after the NC, and I can tell he wants to be there for me more, but I don’t want him as just a friend in my life. We still have so much passion and chemistry when we hang out, and that love is definitely still there. Plus I don’t want to do this alone and I want our family to be together. I don’t know what to do.

  2. Kristina

    January 31, 2021 at 11:00 am

    To be clear about no contact even if you’re not reaching out first we’re suppose to ignore our ex’s text messages as well ? He’s the one that wanted to end things . When he text me it’s about like memories & missing me & seeing what I’m doing just having a normal conversation. I’m afraid if I ignore even though we don’t talk everyday that would make him more distant from me ? Or the whole point of ignoring makes the person want more ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 31, 2021 at 11:47 am

      Hi Kristina, so your No Contact is 30 days. Once those 30 days are over you are to enter the texting phase. During your 30 days you IGNORE all attempts from your ex of reaching out, unless he is to say he wanted to get back together, that is the only reason you would break your NC.

  3. Molly

    April 5, 2020 at 1:13 pm

    me and my ex had been together just over a year and a half, we found out I was 12 weeks pregnant and he broke up with me a week later. I have been pregnant for 3 months without knowing, he says that he has wanted to end the relationship for 2 months (2 months with us not knowing I was pregnant) now I realise, I have been extremely moody and snapping at him and he says that is the reason he ended it. I love him so much and I really want him back not just for the sake of our family but just because I love him and we are amazing together. My ex refuses to talk about the baby because he is scared which I understand but there are things we need to discuss. We met up and decided to be friends, since we decided this I admit I have been pushy. Trying to pluck a conversation out of nothing and trying to make any excuse to see him again. I have no clue what to do and I am so lost in my emotions. I want him to be there for when they baby kicks the first time and to help me build the cot but he doesn’t want to see me. He still wants the be there for the baby 100% but I want him to be there for me aswell. What do I do!? Please help!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 10, 2020 at 12:25 am

      Hi Molly you need to complete a period of LNC and then work on the texting phase once completed. It is hard but try to make sure you are taking care of yourself and baby rather than focusing on him at this time

  4. eliana

    November 19, 2019 at 11:17 pm

    My ex and I have been together 5 months..We spent every single day together and would never get sick of each other. In the last month we got into some heated fights, some issues were solved and some were not. Our issues were nothing more than simple communication errors, but because we were both high-strung they get heated. Two days before our last fight he told me he loves me and wants to take the next step in our relationship. We ended up getting into a heated fight two days later and he told me he didn’t have a good feeling about our relationship anymore because of how bad this fight got. He asked for space to think and told me he’s never cared for another person the way he cares about me, he’s never loved a person the way he loved me, and has never enjoyed a relationship the way he enjoys the two of us together. In the five months we had so much fun together and really clicked. After our meetup he asked for space and my anxiety got the best of me so I want over two days later. He became angry that I had reached out to his friends for advice in the meantime, and let them in on what was happening. I only reached out because these are his two best friends and I needed insight on what was happening with us. When he saw me at the house he told me its over, was extremely cold about it, and walked inside before I even left, and has since ignored two of the text messages I sent him. Some of his friends deleted me off social media and so did he. He bumped into my friends twice this weekend and told them “things happen, I cared for her, but things happened” and “I told her its over.” when asked if he gave me closure. They told me the vibe they got was he was really upset I told his friends about what was happening between us. I apologized to his two friends that I involved and neither of them answered. I am now on day 3 of the no contact, even though he hasn’t answered me since we broke up 10 days ago, and am unsure what I have to do to get him back. Do you know why he is acting this way and shutting me out?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 10:21 pm

      Hi Eliana, so the reason things have shifted is when the new and exciting part of a new relationship wares off, they start to feel normal again and they begin to show their true ways. So him asking for some space after you have spent so much time together you should have accepted and started hanging out with friends again and doing your own thing. No matter who you are and how much time you have spent together, a break is needed. If its been five months or five years. We need our own down time. So show him how you are spending time with friends and doing great things with your life, be the person you were when he first met you and it will help him remember what he liked about you in the beginning

  5. Ella

    May 21, 2019 at 4:30 pm

    4 weeks ago my ex sent me a graphic picture sharing a fantasy with me, and was very keen for me to be having them too. I teased too, then sadly got emotional and said I felt like a prostitute as he is seeing someone new.
    Met up 2 weeks ago and he said he loved his new girlfriend. So he basically used me, writing it off as chemistry.
    Cut contact for good? He wants to be friends….

  6. Zoe

    May 4, 2019 at 5:16 am

    My ex broke up with me 3 months ago and we have been talking everyday since. However, he has been giving me mixed signs every now and then. We hang out and do stuff what we used to do together. There is times were he is super flitry and others he just treats me as a friend. However, when I bring up the topic on what we are he always replies ‘idk im happy how we are atm’. I try not to be emotional in texts with him and try to keep the conversation interesting. His messages sometimes are longer than mine. I don’t know if I should just let him go or keep trying my hardest to get him back. He doesnt want to rush back into things and im happy with that. But what do you suggest I do to keep him interested?

  7. Mahala

    May 2, 2019 at 5:52 pm

    I split up with my ex around 3 months ago because I was really depressed and needed to be on my own for a bit. we’re both busy people and we speak and get along and have a laugh etc but he said the other week that he wants to be single at the min after we’d hung out a few times and after seeing each other yesterday and sleeping with each other which we’ve done a few time he says things like: I’m confused/ I have mixed feelings. We still speak on and off and he will like send me snap chat pics at work and vice versa etc.
    I want to have fun but only with him tbh, I want to be with him and have fun. I would say at times I’ve felt I’m chasing him tbh and he snap chat me earlier and I ignored it, I feel a-bit rude cause we are good friends too and don’t want to say, I want to be with you etc cause I feel sick when he doesn’t want that which I still don’t think he does. I said to him yesterday after he messaged saying he has mixed feelings that we both agreed to have fun right now and it’s getting intense. Can we take a break from this? Cause I don’t want to get to deep in to this right now. Which he agreed with. I don’t want to push him away cause he still cares about me, am I doing the right thing by initiating no contact? (Sorry about the essay)

  8. Ana

    April 12, 2019 at 1:54 pm

    So I followed everything, I did no contact and during a cliff hanger text he confessed how much he missed me and after more back and fourth texts we actually went on two dates (where he paid for everything-this was different) and everyday we continue to build rapport. My problem is that everyday I have to initiate contact (and then he becomes a text gnat) but I am tired of always being the one to initiate. If I don’t, then it could be days (I tested it out during a solo trip to Europe). How do I truly make him chase me? Why does he wait for me to text and then as soon as I do, he doesn’t stop?

  9. Stacy

    September 16, 2018 at 5:39 am

    Hi, so my ex broke up with me 3 months ago and we didn’t have contact for a month and he told me as a person he didn’t care about me but I cried and he offered me a ride home. My ex before him forced his self on me and I told him about it and he took care of it like he had to he tells my mom everyday he loves and misses me what should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 17, 2018 at 9:36 pm

      Hi Stacie!

      I think your focus should be on healing first and finding the place that gives you peace. Focusing on being the best “you” and feeling empowered, that is the path.

  10. angie

    August 27, 2018 at 11:12 am

    hi Chris
    is a break moving on or no contact again? and if its a brak for how long ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 27, 2018 at 3:33 pm

      It could be a little of both. Each situation calls for a different prescription.

  11. angie

    August 27, 2018 at 1:58 am

    hey chris
    its 9 months since my ex and I broke up we dated for two years were best friends for 2 years he left me for someone else it didn’t last I’m two years older than him, id go no contact for 3 months and two months , he says he doesn’t want anything serious he still wants to be out there and he says I don’t meet his requirements of being his potential girlfriend because I’m older than him and drink ok fine so I’ve decided to cut him off his 22 years I’m 25 we both doing our final year of our degree, we would normally id say once a month maybe after 3 months of not talking to him have sex , after he told me 3 weeks ago that I didn’t meet his requirements I’ve cut him off sexually, he wont stop stalking me every 5 to 6 days asking that I have sex with him his not dating now and seems his decreased his woman intake, after the relationship he was busy with plenty of girlfriends, when I refused he told me that I shouldn’t ask him who his been with and he wont ask me , is there any way I can make him see past sexual needs when he sees me, I feel like I’ve been “no contact” too much I’ve improved id like to guess working and just bought a new car and lost weight…like I’m fine but I seriously do love him so I’m not sure now what to do , for the past 5 months we cannot have a decent conversation, its primarily on block and unblock or constantly shouting at each other over the phone, but recently his been very nice and patient with me surly bcz I wont have sex with him that’s why. but why doesn’t he ask from his plenty of woman or get younger “potential girls “cant he leave me alone bcz I’ve been asking him to move on.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 27, 2018 at 3:39 am

      Hi Angie!

      I think you should take a break from him

  12. Vaso

    December 22, 2017 at 10:21 am

    I have been with my ex boyfriend for nearly six years and in that time we have broken up several times. We love each other very much but our circumstances is that i am 50 years old with 3 children from a previous marriage and he is 43 without children. We broke up one week ago because he again became distant and then said he wanted to break up because he wanted children. I agreed and started NC contact since then.
    However is worth doing this knowing he wants to have children. Even though i love him so much and he does too, am i being selfish for wanting him back?
    I am very confused but will not contact him anymore.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 25, 2017 at 6:28 pm

      Hi Vaso,

      if him wanting children is really the reason, then you have to let him go if you don’t want to anymore. If you can’t have children anymore, then adopt. If he wants a biological, then you have to let him go.

  13. Vaso

    December 21, 2017 at 2:01 pm

    I was with my ex for six years. We broke up a least once a year because he would not commit to me although he said he loved me. The huge problem is that I am divorced and i have three children from my previous marriage and he does not have children. This was always an issue with him and now I am 50 (he is 43) I can’t and really don’t want anymore children. We have broken up again because he said he wants children although he loves me. I am one week into NC but I am wondering in this situation if it is worth trying to get him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 25, 2017 at 6:28 pm

      Hi Vaso,

      if him wanting children is really the reason, then you have to let him go if you don’t want to anymore. If you can’t have children anymore, then adopt. If he wants a biological, then you have to let him go.

  14. Ntokozo

    November 1, 2017 at 2:21 am

    I did NC and he didnt try to contact me during NC. After i was done with NC i initiated contact and it went well. I continued initiating contact but recently he has a tendency of responding to my text then during the conversation he just ignores me. Im so confused. I dont know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 9:32 pm

      Rest for a week from initiating..

  15. cyn

    October 29, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    Hi .my ex boyfriend started texting me 3weeks ago and he was really friendly asking how am doing,i was sick he texted to check on me through out the week.Suddenly,he just changed he hasn’t texted for one week and i did text before and he replied well but he does not initiate contact again as before. I dont know why i really want him to chase me and lets get back together.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 2:14 pm

      Hi Cyn,

      Have you done nc? If yes, how long and how active were you in improving yourself and in posting?

  16. jasy

    September 3, 2017 at 9:40 am

    Hi. My EX and I were dating for almost 3 yrs. The first time he broke up with me, he ignored for a couple of weeks and then we got back into contact after a while, to find he’s in a relationship with another girl. Things got bad between them and so he dumped her and spent 2 weeks chasing after me, where I finally gave in and dated him for almost another year, where he dumped me again. I am head over heals for this guy. I’m in love and I’m nothing without him. sometimes I feel like I’m obsessed. Its difficult to stop. So now he just wants to stay friends. But he has completely hidden me from his world. He calls me his private life and likes to keep it private. We meet up almost all the time and we text each other back and fourth accept on occasions where he claims to be busy. He says he cares about me and that he still loves me, its just not the same as before. He has also mentioned how he doesn’t want commitment , he doesn’t want a relationship, he says its too stressful. he says he wants me in life. I want him in my life but not like this. I want him as my bf. I love him. I cant see him as a friend. we still kiss and hold hands and hug when we see each other. Were planning on spending a day to celebrate our birthdays. He’s celebrating his birthday with his friends, he’s throwing a party but I’m not invited. how am I suppose to respond to being so hidden and private. I hate it! I just want my boyfriend back but he’s so stubborn and adamant on not being my boyfriend. what should I do? what do u think of my situation? am I letting him walk over me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 6:39 pm

      Hi Jasy,
      don’t ever say that you’re nothing without a guy.. check this one:
      Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

  17. Grace

    July 16, 2017 at 5:43 am

    Hey,my boyfriend and i Endes up Tour relationship yesterday coz he started to travel and I left behind. We had a great time together. However he never say me back he loves me whenever I say I love him. So last Friday night we met up and gave me a present with letters .One I read with him,but he told me to read another one when he left.So I read when he was leaving and there he wrote about that he had amazing time with me and tell me that this had been the best relationship he had.And he knows I love him deeply and also say sorry to me that he could never say he loves me back.It made me cry not only because he left but also I feel so lonely when he is not around me.I text him but he is not kind of person who text much.He also mentions to meet buy as friends.I dun know what to do.So I would meet up but I really dun know how I should be in front of my ex.Any suggestion how to behave and talk ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 8:47 pm

      Hi Grace,

      why not try the advice above?

  18. Ann

    May 20, 2017 at 5:39 pm

    I need some advice… after NC for about a month my ex texted me and then we slowly started texting again. Our text-initiating ratio is probably about 40/60 (latter being me), particularly the last times it was me who initiated contact. I text him for 2-3 days and then there’s a pause of a week – I hope he’ll write but he doesn’t, so I initiate again… we met two times for lunch (my proposal). The first time was not great but not too bad, though he did not respond to my flirting approaches. The second time (earlier this week) did not go really well, cause after lunch we sat outside and a friend of his came up and they would not stop talking about a topic I could practically say nothing about – so after half an hour of sitting there stupidly I left and I later snapped and texted my ex, why he meets up with me if he doesn’t really want to and that he could at least have hugged me goodbye. He answered, I could have done that, too, and there’s no need to fuss about that… on the one hand, I believe I was right, because his behaviour was really not at all friendly or appropriate (know your value, right?), but on the other I know that this was a step backwards…I also wasn’t sure if I want him back if he’s treating me this way… the next morning I briefly apologized and have kept silent for the third day now. He (again) also does not text me… I’m not sure if I haven’t built enough rapport yet since we’re not texting everyday but rather 2-3 days in a row and then pause or if it’s just hopeless. He doesn’t seem to be much interested in what is going in my life… what should I do? Should I text him or rather wait till he approaches me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 22, 2017 at 6:23 pm

      approach it like he’s stranger.. that means he really wouldn’t be interested.. Now, how would you get somebody you like interested in you? Right now, rest for 5 days, go back to your activities, focus more in them and then maintain them once you get back to building rapport again.

  19. zaney

    May 12, 2017 at 12:35 pm

    This is our third break up. ..he initiated it and he’s reason was that I was never proud of having him. …but he failed to realise that I love my relationship low-key. …..the last two break up I was a text gnat and begged for another chance which he gave. the third one. I’m not begging again.. ..i just want to be friends with him for now to earn he’s trust and make him change his opinion about me. using the NC rule. .its been 2week now since the break up. ..but we attend the same college. ..i have to say hi at least when I bump into him but I’m scared. …i know he’s hurting.. .how do I help him? I don’t want him to hurt. …i want to explain to him that all what I did was not to hurt him. …how do I go about it? My hands are itching to text him but I’m being strong with the NC rule… .please how do I make him change his opinion about me?please help urgently

    1. princess

      May 18, 2017 at 9:40 am


    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 12, 2017 at 7:58 pm

      show it through your posts.. be active in improving yourself and be active in posting in social media.. so,that after nc, take it as a restart and slowly rebuild rapport while you continue improving yourself

  20. zaney

    May 12, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    Hey. …its been two weeks since we broke up. This is the third break up.. The last two ones I always begged for another chance. …this time I didn’t beg. …hes reason was that I was a fake and I was not proud of having him. …but what he failed to realise was that I love my relationship low-key. ..So now I’m using the NC rule. …but I know he’s still hurting. …i don’t think I want him back for now, I just want to be friends with him and we attend the same college so I’m definitely going to see him and I have to cut the NC rule. I’m dying to let him understand that I never meant to hurt him or I was never proud of him but I’m scared he’s going to talk rudely to me. …i know I hurt him badly that’s why I want to be friends first so he can get over the hurt please help me

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