I have spent the last few days re-reading my page on getting an ex boyfriend back if you cheated on him and I have a bit of a confession…
I don’t think I did a very good job on it.
While there is some insight on women cheating on that particular page the truth is that it isn’t going to help too many women out in the long run if they want their boyfriends back. You see, I am used to giving away a lot of helpful information and I feel I dropped the ball on that page.
Well, that is a mistake that I am willing to correct here.
If you cheated on your boyfriend and you want him back then I am here to tell you that you came to the right place.
Of course, I do want to warn you that I am not going to pull any punches which probably means that I may offend some of you but that’s ok. In my opinion, some of you need to be offended before you can take the necessary steps to improving your life.
What I (A Man) Considers To Be “Cheating”
I don’t think its a stretch to say that if you asked everyone what they considered to be one of the greatest fears in relationships, being cheated on would be on that list. However, as I have interacted with more and more women through Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have began to notice an alarming trend.
Not everyone defines “cheating” the same way. In other words, what some women think of as cheating other women do not.
Well, how about I add an interesting wrinkle into the fray here?
I am going to tell you what I consider to be cheating because I feel pretty much every normal male on this planet is going to agree with me when it comes to this.
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My Opinion On “Not All Affairs Are Created Equally.”
A few months ago I was reading an article by a woman who was trying to make a case that not all forms of cheating are equal.
Now, the article itself was very well written and made a lot of good points that I agreed with. However, I did happen to find a flaw in this woman’s logic. One of the coolest or cruelest (depending on how you look at it) things about the internet is that it gives individuals the ability to express their personal views.
Well, my personal view on cheating is that no matter how small the cheating is it is still going to hurt you on a deep level.
The woman argued that if you were to cheat by french kissing someone else it wouldn’t be anywhere near as bad as actually cheating by sleeping with someone.
From a logical point of view I would have to agree with her.
Cheating with sex is way worse than cheating by french kissing someone.
However, (and this is some incredible insight into men I am about to give you here) when I put myself in the position of a man who has been cheated on by french kissing and by sex I have pretty much the same feeling about it. In other words, in my mind the two are equal.
Logically I know that one is way worse than the other one. Nevertheless, when I put myself in the actual situation I have a much different view. You see, in my mind they are equal and I wouldn’t stand for either of them (but more on that later.)
For now I would like to tackle the next big debate when it comes to cheating, emotional cheating.
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I am going to do something that is really rare for me.
I’m going to let you into my personal life for a split second by showing you one of my greatest fears when it comes to relationships.
You see, everyone looks at me like I am supposed to have all the answers and a lot of the times I do. My status here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery has elevated me to a level where I am considered an “expert” at relationships and I am not going to lie, its hard not to let it get to your head sometimes.
(Hey, no one is perfect.)
Nevertheless, ever since I have achieved this status I have noticed an interesting trend about myself.
You see, I treat my own relationship with more care than you can imagine. My brain is constantly working and thinking about how I can be the best. It’s quite simple really, I have this endless desire to keep improving myself for the person that I love. I want to be so good at everything in a relationship that no one can even compare.
Most women are used to a certain standard when they date men. Well, what I am trying to achieve is something that blows the standard right out of the water. Something so powerful that it makes other people in relationships jealous.
Would you like to know why I consistently try to achieve perfection like this?
It’s because I have seen way too much as a result of this site. I have seen way too many women break up with men for stupid reasons. I have seen way too many men break up with women for dumb reasons as well. I have seen women cheat on men for not being there emotionally. Heck, I have seen women cheat on men “just because.”
What I am trying to get at here is that I have seen way too much.
My Greatest Fear
I have this subconscious fear that if I am not there emotionally for someone I love in their time of need they can turn to someone else for something I can’t provide them emotionally. Like I said, I have seen way too much as a result of this site so let me tell you how this typically goes.
If a woman finds another man to provide her with emotional support that her boyfriend can’t provide then pretty soon that woman is relying on this other man for emotional support. That emotional support leads to her opening up to this new man in ways she didn’t with her boyfriend.
Next thing you know that emotional connection could lead to a physical connection.
Emotional cheating while its technically not cheating in the “physical sense” it is certainly a precursor to physical cheating.
In other words, emotional cheating is a very dangerous game.
Types Of Cheating
(Learn the exact steps to getting your ex boyfriend back here.)
I am sure this is going to be an interesting section because you are going to get my views (the voice of the common man) on what I consider to be cheating. Now, I have thought a lot about how I want to structure this and I have determined that the best way to do this is to start off with the less physical forms of cheating and work our way up.
Holding Hands
Hear me out for a second here.
When you go to Google and type in the keyword “couple” what kind of pictures show up?
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Well, let me tell you. A bunch of pictures with couples HOLDING HANDS!
Believe it or not but everyone associates holding hands to someone who is in a relationship.
Still not getting through to you?
Hmm…
Ok, imagine for a second that you are dating me. Lets just say that we started dating 2 months ago and everything has been incredible (which is a given because we are talking about me here.) However, one day you are walking down the road and you spot me holding hands with another girl…
What is the first thought that is going to go through your mind in that situation?
“He’s cheating on me…”
And you would be right… I would be (not really but this is a fake example.)
Engaging In Sexual Talk (That’s Not A Joke) With A Member Of The Opposite Sex
How is this ever a good idea?
Seriously?
If there is one side of yourself that you absolutely positively have to reserve for your significant other it is this one.
Again, I feel the need to use an example here to illustrate my point.
You and I have been dating for two months. Everything has been great between us, blah, blah, blah.
Well, one day I leave my phone out and you decide to breach my privacy by looking through it. While you are sorting through all the text messages I have sent to people over the past week you notice that I have sent some racy photos to another girl. You also notice that I have been talking to this girl in a very sexual manner.
How do you feel about that?
Personally speaking, if someone I was dating did this I would consider it cheating.
I mean, if a girl is talking about what she wants to do sexually to a guy when she gets him alone… that is a major problem.
Kissing
I can live with a friendly kiss on the cheek. I mean, that is practically how people greet each other in Europe so I won’t start World War 3 over that. However, I am more than happy to start WW3 over a kiss on the lips. I don’t know, but any kiss on the lips is pretty much unacceptable to me.
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I basically heard that and ran for the hills.
I couldn’t ever date someone like that, I don’t care how perfect she is.
(I don’t have to mention french kissing here do I?)
Anything Sexual
I am going to make this so easy for you.
1st base = Cheating
2nd base = Cheating
3rd base= Cheating
Sex = Cheating
The Top Three Reasons For Cheating
(If you would like a step by step guide to winning your ex boyfriend back please click here.)
One of the biggest benefits of owning and operating a site that helps women get their love lives back on track is the fact that I have access to a lot of real time information that a lot of the other “experts” out there don’t have. For example, when I was thinking of what I would write for this page I ended up pulling up my first attempt at writing this page and going through all of the comments to see what women were actually listing as the reasons for cheating.
After spending about an hour doing that I was able to learn that the reasons for why most women cheat can be divided up into three different categories.
- Drinking Too Much.
- Emotional Reasons.
- Revenge.
As I am sure you have probably already realized I am now going to dissect each of these “categories” and give you my honest opinion on them.
Drinking Too Much
This was pretty shocking to me. Drinking too much was BY FAR the most cited reason for a woman cheating on her boyfriend.
Let me set the stage here for a moment so you can know exactly what I mean by “drinking too much.” This is all hypothetical of course so don’t take offense if I use you and your ex as an example here.
Lets pretend that while you and your ex boyfriend were dating you decided to go to a party with your girl friends. Now, your boyfriend is a pretty secure guy so he has no problem with you going to this party at all. However, while you are at the party you have a little too much to drink and you start dancing with one of your “guy friends.” Well, one thing leads to another and the next thing you know you are kissing him.
With that kiss you have just entered into the realm of cheating (a very dangerous place.)
Of course, when the time comes to fess up to your boyfriend you blame your intoxicated state.
I can’t tell you how often I have heard this exact story.
The Problem With Drinking Too Much
Here is my issue. I lose a little respect for women who use this as their excuse for cheating.
Why?
While I will admit that I have never been so drunk that I couldn’t remember my name or blacked out. I can tell you that I have been drunk before and even in that moment I still knew exactly what I was doing. Sure, an argument can be made that someone who gets so drunk that they black out and forget the night (hangover style) can cheat because they can’t stop themselves but you know what, I think that’s absolutely pathetic and I am going to tell you why.
(Remember, I am not holding anything back.)
If you drink so much that you are forgetting the previous night then you have a major problem. Think of it this way, do you know where you hear those type of stories?
Alcoholics Anonymous…
Cheating on your boyfriend is the least of your worries if you are drinking this much. Heck, forget about him for a moment. First things first, you are going to need to learn to take care of yourself first before you can even attempt to get him back and getting so drunk that you forget the previous night is not the definition of taking care of yourself.
Why I Think So Many Women Use Drinking As An Excuse
You are ashamed of what you did…
I think it’s as simple as that. So, rather than standing up and taking responsibility for what you did you decide to blame it on the alcohol.
You know what, the truth is that the alcohol is Innocent and you are guilty.
Own up to it.
Emotional Reasons
I am going to say something that may be a little controversial. Some of you may agree with what I say while others may disagree. Nevertheless, I am the one who runs this site and since you came here for my insight you are just going to have to put up with my views.
I believe that men and women are only slightly different when it comes to the physical and emotional aspects of a relationship.
“Wait, what do you mean “only slightly?””
It’s quite simple really.
If you look at relationships from a birds eye view you can pretty much narrow them down to, two primal needs.
- Physical Needs
- Emotional Needs
Obviously, a relationship requires both of these needs to be fulfilled to thrive. However, the thing I have always found interesting when it comes to the differences between men and women is the fact that the general spread of those needs is different among the genders.
For example, men tend to place a slightly higher emphasis on the physical needs of a relationship as opposed to the emotional needs. Women are different as they have a higher emphasis on the emotional needs as opposed to the physical ones.
I like to call this phenomenon the 60/40 spread.
The 60/40 Spread
Lets say that we are looking at physical and emotional needs on a percentage basis.
We obviously know that a relationship needs both of these needs to be met in order to survive. Well, as I said above, men and women often place different emphasis’ on these needs.
- Men for example, will probably place a 60% emphasis on physical needs and a 40% emphasis on emotional needs.
- Women on the other hand, will probably place a 60% emphasis on the emotional needs and a 40% emphasis on the physical needs.
Of course, if you want some really interesting insight into this phenomenon make sure you clean out your ears for this next part.
Throughout my life I have noticed a very interesting trend when it comes to the 60/40 rule.
Oftentimes you will see that the percentages with the bigger emphasis’ on men and women tend to be directly connected. For example, if you were dating a guy who had trouble expressing himself then it is probably likely that your emotional needs aren’t going to be met (since I am assuming you are a woman.)
Well, you might notice that as you begin to meet his physical needs (since he is a man) that he begins to open up emotionally. Thus, your emotional needs start to be fulfilled.
Believe it or not but many men have discovered this phenomenon and use it to their advantage to make sure their emphasized percentage gets met by you. For example, a man may learn that only time that you open up physically is when he meets your emotional needs. So, any time he wants to have his needs met physically he will provide you with what you are looking for emotionally so you can provide him with what he is looking for physically.
Lets talk a little bit about what happens when your emotional needs aren’t being met now.
How The 60/40 Spread Correlates To Cheating
You are a woman so we already know that the spread of your needs are as follows,
- 60% Emotional Needs
- 40% Physical Needs
What do you think happens when that big 60% percentage of emotional needs doesn’t get fulfilled? Well, oftentimes you are going to go elsewhere to look for it.
This is where cheating comes into play.
Lets use you as an example. Lets pretend that you cheated on your ex boyfriend because he wasn’t fulfilling you emotionally. Instead of fulfilling your 60% of emotional needs he was only fulfilling 20% of it. Now, you are a good person so you never even thought it was in your character to cheat but when you are in the situation and you are only getting 20% of your needs met you aren’t going to be very happy in your relationship.
So, instead of giving up on your relationship you begin to look other places for other men to fulfill your emotional needs. Eventually you find someone, a “guy friend” who has had a crush on you for years. This guy friend of yours ends up fulfilling you emotionally better than your boyfriend does.
What happens next?
As I explained above, oftentimes when your emotional needs get met your physical needs begin to come out. Pretty soon, you can’t help but fall for your guy friend since he is doing such a good job of meeting your emotional needs. This is where the cheating comes into play.
The guy friend meets the needs your boyfriend couldn’t and eventually gets rewarded with by having his physical needs met.
Revenge
Let me set the stage for you here.
You and your ex boyfriend used to be the perfect couple. All of your friends would talk to you about how jealous they were of what you and your ex had. In other words, everything was right in the world. For the first time in your life you had felt as though you had found “the one.”
A few months later everything changed when you discovered that he had cheated on you. Of course, despite his cheating ways you are still in love with him so you couldn’t bring yourself to leave the relationship. There is just one problem.
No matter how hard you try you just can’t get over the cheating and slowly but surely you start to waver in your own dedication to the relationship.
When you wake up in the morning you are plagued with horrible thoughts like,
“I can’t believe he was with someone else in that way…”
Thoughts like these plague you throughout the day and you may even be so bothered that you have nightmares. So, rather than communicating you opt to take the “Kill Bill” approach.
What Is The Kill Bill Approach?
This is my inner nerd coming out but I absolutely love that movie Kill Bill so I couldn’t help but use it as a reference since I look at it like the ultimate revenge movie.
Your boyfriend cheated on you. That alone pretty much builds a case that he is a scumbag and absolutely puts you in the right and him in the wrong. You are probably angry and want to make him feel the pain you are feeling. So, what is it that you decide to do?
You decide to go full Kill Bill and get revenge on him by going out and cheating on him.
I suppose the thing that I want to focus on is if you getting revenge on him is justified or not.
Personally, I don’t think it is the right thing to do to someone. If I was in your situation and a girl had cheated on me rather than staying in an already unstable relationship and finding a way to make her feel just as bad as I felt by cheating on her I think I would just end things.
Though, I am sure if I was put in a situation like that and you were to ask me if getting revenge was justified I would say that it is.
It is basic human nature to lash out at the things that wrong us.
Need an example?
When I was a kid in grade school there was always this other little kid that would try to pick on me by pushing me. One day he caught me in the wrong mood and as he pushed me I lashed out and pushed him back (knocked him on his butt I might add.)
Do you see what happened here?
It was so upsetting for me that this kid was pushing me/causing physical and emotional harm that I couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted to make him hurt just as much as I did.
The same principle applies to revenge cheating.
Though revenge cheating is much more dangerous because you are dealing with the feelings of three people.
- You
- Your Boyfriend
- The Person You Cheated With
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How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Cheated On Him
(Learn exactly what you have to do to get your ex boyfriend back by clicking the following link.)
I think I have made it pretty clear throughout this page that I really hate cheating. In relationships I have learned that I can put up with a lot. However, cheating is where I draw the line. It’s the ultimate “game ender” for me. For example, if you and I were dating and I found out that you cheated on me I would end the relationship immediately.
Why is it that I have this view?
I pride myself on being one of the most faithful human beings alive. I have never cheated on anyone and I never will. So, if I am willing to bring that type of intensity and conviction to a relationship I feel it is only fair that my faithfulness is matched.
Is that too much to ask?
I certainly don’t think so.
Now, if you are interested in this page because you cheated on your ex boyfriend then you are probably wondering if someone with my views on cheating would ever take a cheater back.
I am going to be honest with you, it’s not very likely. However, I hesitate to say that someone with my views would never take a cheater back.
Why?
Because I have witnessed hundreds of people take cheaters back so I know for a fact that it is very possible.
What I would like to do now is a little role playing scenario.
The Scenario
Lets pretend for a minute that we dated and you cheated on me with one of your “guy friends.” While you didn’t sleep with him you did end up making out with him at a party (which is without a doubt cheating.) Of course, the next day you felt so horrible about the whole thing that you came clean to me and as expected, I broke up with you on the spot.
What would you have to do to get me back?
That’s the scenario I would like to talk about.
Three Things You Have To Do To Get Me Back In That Scenario
Well, the truth is that you have dug yourself quite the hole to climb out of. Allow me to explain some of the thoughts that would be going through my head in this scenario.
- “She’s a Bi*ch…”
- “She’s a liar…”
- “I wish I never met her…”
I think you get the idea.
(Your not my favorite person at the moment.)
What you are wondering is how the heck you are going to win back my affections. Well, below I have compiled a list of three things that you need to be willing to do if you want to even have a shot of getting me back.
- Properly Dealing With Other Men
- Giving Me Time To Calm Down
- Win Back My Trust
As always I want to give you an in-depth look at each of these things.
How To Properly Deal With Other Men
There are a couple of things here that I want to talk about. First lets talk about how you need to handle that “guy friend” who you cheated with.
Without a doubt the number one mistake that I see cheating women make is that they are still friends with the person who they cheated with.
Why is this a mistake?
I am so glad you asked.
Lets assume that in the scenario we are talking about here you do manage to get me back but you are still friends with “the guy.”
How do you think I am going to feel about that?
Any time I see you texting him, talking to him or even mentioning him I am going to be filled with feelings of anger, jealousy and betrayal. Also, I feel like its an extra slap in the face that you didn’t care about me enough to end your relationship with this other person who basically brought an end to ours.
Be willing to take a chance to end a friendship with someone who you don’t really care about if you want your ex boyfriend back.
The second thing I would like to discuss is how to handle men who hit on you. Again, I am going to have severe trust issues with you since you did cheat on me and somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I am going to be thinking things like,
“I wonder if she would cheat on me again with someone else?”
No matter how much you reassure me that you won’t I probably won’t believe you.
So, lets pretend that one of your guy friends sends you a text message telling you that he misses you.
If you are faced with a situation like this you need to be aware of how sensitive I am going to be. So, it might be in your best interest to use this as a response,
Do you realize how rare this is for women to do?
Most women would just not even mention the “I miss you” at all. They would just accept it and not even respond to it.
A response like this can go a long ways for rebuilding that trust.
Give Me Time To Calm Down
One of the most interesting lessons I have learned through my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that a lot of times getting an ex boyfriend back comes down to timing.
What do I mean by this?
Lets go back to our scenario for a second.
Your first instinct after I broke up with you was to probably do everything in your power to get my back as soon as humanly possible. The issue with that is that right after I broke up with you is when I am going to be at the highest point of emotion (and I am not talking about happy emotions.)
If you are attempting to get me back when I am at that point your chances for success aren’t going to be very good.
Think of it like this.
Trying to get an ex boyfriend back in that specific situation at that specific time is like trying to play tennis with a 100lb racquet.
No, the smarter strategy would be to wait and give me time to calm down.
You can do this in a lot of different ways but I have found the most effective way is through the use of the no contact rule.
Win Back My Trust
Lets say that when you and I were dating (in this fake scenario) I completed trusted you.
For example, if you were to rate my trust in you on a scale from 1 to 100 it would have been 100.
Of course, after you cheated on me my trust in you dropped from 100 to 0.
So, the question you are probably wondering is how in the world do you gain someones trust back in this particular case?
The truth is that its a very complicated question to answer. There is a lot that goes in to winning back the trust of someone. Luckily for you, it is something I have written about extensively here.
Pau
January 17, 2018 at 1:09 pm
Hi. My ex and I was datin for 2 and 5 months. 5 months ago, I kissed someone else from work. I told him about this and he forgave me. But then, I did it again and kissed the same guy again last month (Dec 2017) and he saw us.
He was so mad and broke up with me. He told me he needs some space and he doesn’t want to be with me as he doesn’t trust me anymore. He even blocked me from his phone and all his social media as I was begging him to come back to me.
So I gave him space as I didn’t have any choice. But on New Year’s Eve, I wasn’t able to control myself and went to his house. I was crying and begging him to take me back. He was so cold. He didn’t even want to touch me. I told him to give me another chance and all he told me was “Let’s see.” And let’s just talk on January 14 as I need to get our dog too. He unblocked me after our conversation.
On January 2, I sent him a message as he was posting some girl on his instagram stories. I asked him if he was dating anyone else already and he said He’s not that heartless to date someone immediately. He also told me his decision is final and he doesn’t want to get back to me. I told him I’ll give him space and we’ll talk again on January 14.
On January 6, he sent me a message as he was notified that I opened his email. I asked him if he still loves me and he said he needed space and let’s talk on January 14. I told him I won’t give up on us.
On January 14, we talked. And I was crying and asking for another chance. I told him I want to fight. He was quiet for a long time and told me that we’re still broken up and he’s giving me a chance. But there’s no assurance. His officemates and him are going to Japan on February and since I have a visa for Japan I asked him if I could join them. He said i can go and we’ll just meet there. I also asked him on a date on January 16.
On January 15, I went to his office, surprised him and gave him pizza. He said that it was expensive and not to do that again but he appreciates it and he said thank you.
On January 16, we went to a comedy bar and it was fun. But I saw him sending a message to the same girl he posted on social media. We ended up on a hotel and we were cuddling and we had sex. He then told me to stop trying but I said I won’t give up. He asked me “even if i’m pushing you away?” And I said yes. That I’ll fight and won’t give up on us. So he said okay.
I also asked him on a movie date this week but he told me he’s busy. So I asked him i fwe could go next week and he said okay.
We’re still chatting but sometimes he’s in a good mood. But lately, he’s just cold.
What do I do? Please help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2018 at 8:27 am
Hi Pau,
check this one:
This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again
Jessica
December 25, 2017 at 2:46 pm
Hi,
So I put this on another page but didn’t fully explain. So I cheated on my boyfriend with someone else because at the time my boyfriend wasn’t satisfing my emotional needs. I know cheating is cheating but there was nothing physical it was just a conversation. My boyfriend originally wanted to work things out but then he became distant and said he didn’t know how to feel. I would plan for us to meet and he would say he couldn’t. So I ended things with my boyfriend of 3 years last month. I recently found that he was dating someone new through his social media although we’ve only been broken up a month. What made it worst was when I found it out it was two days before our would have been 4 year anniversary. The girl he is dating is an old friend that got in touch with him through social media during our relationship. I got really upset and got into a heated argument with him about the situation. In the argument he told me that he wasn’t talking to her during our relationship but started talking to her afterwards. I said some mean things in the argument and he ended up blocking my number. I feel really bad and only said it because I was hurt, wanted him back and surprised he moved on so fast. He says she treats him better than I did. Do I have a chance or should I let this go. PLS HELP
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 27, 2017 at 6:19 pm
Hi Jessica,
Try the advice above first..
Claire
May 27, 2017 at 7:35 am
Hi?
I texted in another page but i felt like i didn’t explain well about my situation..
I’m scared and depressed even more and now i feel like i lost my guy for good..
So last year i cheated on my boyfriend with his friend. We were in contact and we used to meet for sex. I got ex boyfriend but didn’t make much improvement coz i still was scared of losing him. So this year i tried doing no contact and failed at the 17th day of it.. We became close had sex i denied him for a while until he committed and at around March he accepted me back as his girl. But from what i read.. He only accepted me back for sex. It’s hurting to hear that and it really hurt me a lot.
We then broke up because we fought a lot but the real reason was because he couldn’t love me anymore because i cheated on him.
I’ve done no contact for one month. And before i could text we met at his friends place. He had told his friend he missed me but when we were together it’s as if we never knew each other. He had come to drop something at his friends place and wasn’t staying for long because he was going somewhere. Earlier his friend said he doesn’t want to come in because i was there but he came. We then stayed for a while then decided to leave. On our way. I approached him about the past and i asked him why he talked ill of me with his friends and why he accepted me back for sex. And he said as usual that it’s what guys talk about but i don’t know why it’s never convincing on my part. And it being the first day after no contact.. He said we are never going to get back together because i cheated on him. So i was surprised that’s still the reason. And after i approached him about using me.. He said i used him too then he said i should get a boyfriend.. Is he doing revenge? He even asked me if i would give him sex and i said no we can never.
So I called him just to make things better but he seemed not interested but he picked up my calls and all he did was listen to what i was saying and then he said okay he heard what i said and he’ll call me later. He didn’t call so i texted him. We talked a bit and he wasn’t that engaged in the conversation so i told him that all i want is him not to talk about me with his friends even if we fight and he replied saying.. We are just friends and i said to him that.. I’m not even interested in jumping into a relationship at all so he should relax. He said okay. He hasn’t thought of texting me so i texted him morning and he replied. We then talked and i asked him if he could take me to the meuseum and he replied saying.. If my girlfriend agrees then we will go. That hurt me and i recalled that the previous day he was asking me for sex so i told him that.. You have a girl and you were asking me for sex.you shouldn’t make the same mistake i did coz that would be cheating if i agreed and he replied saying.. I wouldn’t do that.. I was just joking with you. It did hurt me though and I’ve been depressed. He hasn’t replied my last text and I’m now confused coz its messy. He doesn’t want to tell me who the girl is because he still thinks of me the same way.. Like I’m not changed and I’d approach his girl. I am scared and i still love him but the cheating is the reason he doesn’t want me back and now i feel useless.. He agreed to being friends even though it’s like he didn’t mean it.. During no contact he tried calling me once towards the end but things started off badly and I feel i can’t fix it. What do i really do? I’m scared I’m hurt and it’s so depressing. I feel as if i can’t fix my situation since he has a girl. I don’t know if he is lying about the new girl just to make me jealous and react but I told him I’m happy for him even though I’m not. now what do i do.? I regret my mistake and I’ve done so much for 8 months and I’m still in love with a guy who doesn’t feel the same way.. It’s like I’m there just to make him move on. It hurts so bad.im really desperate for help.
Claire
May 27, 2017 at 7:34 pm
I do want him back.. Maybe i wasn’t clear about that. I want us to get back together because i love him..how do i initiate contact again because i made a mistake? I haven’t contacted him again after our last conversation..I wanna build rapport with the texts.. I only told him I’m not interested in jumping into a relationship because that’s what Chris advises on another article if an ex says we are just friends but i do want him back.. How do i fix the texting problem?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 29, 2017 at 6:25 pm
no, I’m sorry my grammar was not right.. I meant if you want to convey to him that you don’t want to get back together, don’t rush things. That’s why you need to be more active in your activities..
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2017 at 5:41 pm
if you really dont want to get back together, why would ask him to take you to the museum at the first day of texting, right? It establishing that you’ve changed will not just take 30 days.. if you want to establish to him that you’re just friendly, dont be demanding on him.. Just be friendly.. have your own life.. be more focused in your activities..if you dont want to be perceived as a chaser, dont rush things and be more attentive on your activities.. whether it be alone, with friends, relatives or better yet, doing new ones that help you grow and make new friends
kathryn
May 4, 2017 at 4:05 pm
So I purchased both the Texting Bible as well as the EXB2.
I have a question though.
Here’s the deal with my breakup:
My boyfriend Steve and I met through friends, and found out we lived on the same floor of an apartment complex off campus of our college.
Steve is 23 and I am 21. John had a 5th semester to complete, and I am on track to graduate on time. So we started dating end of October and I had recently gotten out of a bad toxic relationship in september that was a year old. My ex was literally crazy. So crazy in fact, that he actually showed up the first weekend to my apartment unannounced (he’s from NJ and I go to school in CT, so you can see how crazy this is). He ended up emotionally manipulating me and I ended up finding him a hotel room and told him to leave me alone. Obviously the first weekend we’re dating I was nervous John was thinking I wasn’t over my ex but he didn’t seem to stress about it too much.
Flash forward to end of November. We were at the bar with mutual friends having a good time. I run into this kid named Carl that I had gone on one date with earlier in October before Steve and I had began talking. Carl and I were talking in the bar for about 15 minutes. In this time, Steve (who knew about the date) actually got so jealous he left the bar and ended up coming back. We ended up getting into an argument and leaving together. We calmly explained the situation to each other and we had gotten over it.
By December I was sleeping over his apartment all the time and was basically in love. All of our friends loved us together, my best friend was jealous of our relationship, we just clicked. I met his parents during Thanksgiving break and he had come down during winter break to meet mine. It was honestly the fairtytale college romance that you could imagine. Steve was my best friend and we were fun.
January we decided to plan out vacation together, which was a big one for both of us since we were each other’s first vacation with a significant other. February was fine as well, and all things were going great. I should mention that this is when Steve started his job, and was commuting 45 minutes every morning, and had to start taking his insurance tests in order to stay with the company, so his stress levels were high.
Two weeks before our vacation, Steve went through my phone and saw that I was texting my ex under a friends name……bad I know. I honestly HATE that I did it but at this point I can’t take it back. The contents of the texts were basically me alluding to me breaking up with Steve just to see what he was going to say. To be honest its fucked up, but the reason I did it was because this ex had cheated on me and I just wanted to make him feel as shitty as he ended up making me feel. Steve and I talked about it and I thought everything was fine. Steve does truly understand that I would’ve never cheated on him, being cheated on myself, but i think with his high anxiety it’s hard for him to overcome.
We ended up going on vacation and it was amazing. We had the best time and honestly I loved it. Everything was fine until Steve started getting close to his first assurity exam…everything started to become an argument. Little bickering started to occur as I started to get stressed with upcoming exams and Steve had his. We were bickering for a week until he came home one day and decided to end things. H said he fell out of love with me, and we were moving too fast. Which I definitely agree, it does seem that we did move fast when I look at our track record.
So we broke up Monday April 10th. I came back after my 8pm Physics lab to his place and all of my stuff was in bags. I moved it over to my place and that was that. I was an absolute mess those two days. Crying in the middle of classes, middle of work, just not able to move on. Two days later Steve texted me saying he forgot to give me back a bag, knocked on my door. We looked at each other pained and we went to his place. I said I was stupid for everything and apologized for being immature about it all. He took me back and we went to dinner, had sex and I even sleptover. I really thought we were fine. I went out that Thursday night with mutual friends and he stayed in (his exam was that Monday). We ended up breaking up over the phone because I was angry about the breakup and bitter he trashed the pair of ukuleles that I bought us for Christmas, and was really hell bent on forgetting me.
We didnt talk that whole weekend, and he ended up going home because of Easter and also his parents were concerned with how he was handling the breakup. (So basically now I’m in a bad spot with his parents/friends).
I made him a little gift bag and dropped it off on Monday (April 17th now) morning outside his door with a whole bunch of his favorite things—Oreos, SmartWater, Sunflower seeds, ect with cute little notes on it. He told me later he saw it and cried seeing it all. He ended up failing the exam. We talked after and Steve said he just wanted to be friends.
I was upset obviously but out of desperation I did not want to lose him so I agreed. Steve told me he was moving out that week, which was done by Wednesday. I slept over that Wednesday but we didn’t have sex or anything, it was just as a closure thing. It was nice, we cuddled and I felt ok. We chatted the rest of the week as if nothing happened, as if we were still dating. Steve even called me that Thursday to talk about his anxiety. Saturday however, the 22nd, Steve said it was too much to talk to me but that he still wanted to remain friends. I initiated NC from this point on.
A week into NC I unfollowed him on instagram after seeing his post about passing his exam (it was too much for me to keep seeing stuff of his and I was extremely distracted for my finals), unfriended him on snapchat, and Facebook. Mind you he kept looking at my posts regardless. He had contacted me this Monday, 9 days into No Contact, and this was the following conversation. I only answered because it was kind of awkward to not answer, but I waited an hour to reply and he replied an hour later as well:
——-
Him: Hey, didn’t want to bother you with this now, was going to wait but do you have everything you need to return your textbook when you’re all set with it?
Me: hmm tbh I’m not really sure! I think I need the packing slip for my textbook
Him: Okay, just sent you an email with a pdf of the packing slip and directions.
—–
I think he genuinely did not want to bother me because he had actually texted two of my friends this before contacting me:
him to my friend (he sent this to two of them): Hey, sorry to bother you, but do you know if Kathryn will be heading home right after finals? We rented textbooks through my amazon account and i got email notifications this morning about them being due end of may. just wanted to know if i could wait until she is all settled with finals to get organized with her on this? would prefer not to distract her while she is studying for finals.
——
I am still in NC right now. I also recently noticed that Steve had unliked all of my instagram pictures.
In fact I have been doing a lot better with the breakup and have been keeping a positive attitude. I have been making plans with family and hanging out with friends as we graduate this weekend. I updated my Facebook profile picture to a picture of me in graduation attire and a beach cover photo (Steve loves surfing) to look attractive to him again. I have plans to be out and about with friends after graduating and have signed up for a 5k, going golfing soon with mutual friends of ours so they can see how happy I am, and was going to Instagram a picture of me at an aquarium closer to the end of NC (it’s an aquarium steve and I always said we were going to go to). I feel good. I have even blocked and deleted ALL pictures of my ex boyfriend on my instagram after seeing steve unliking all my pictures. As well as blocking that random kid I went on one date with.
My question is this. I know from the website you said that the best thing to do if you’re caught cheating is to apologize 2 weeks into NC and reassure trust that it won’t happen again. John had been cheated on before with his first ever girlfriend of 2 years and needed a whole 2 years to even date other people again (She even gave him an STI). I know I fucked UP huge with the flirting with other guys aspect. I’m trying to fix it by not going out and posting pictures of it where he might see it. As I’m wrapping up this second week of NC, I’m unsure if I should bring up the fact that I blocked all offending or if I should wait til my NC period is over? I also don’t know if a 45 day NC period is good or not as well. I know he’s currently snap chatting an old flame and liking a lot of old girl’s pictures he used to hook up with on instagram to rile me up, but I have not been tempted to reach out yet…I think he’s still in the phase of him enjoying being single so I know it will be effective to do a 30 day period just to make sure that he is feeling and about our breakup. I was also thinking because of his anxiety/past relationship getting cheated on, if I should just wait for like 2 months until I know his stress is reduced at work when he’s closer to being done with all of his exams.
Please help me!! I’m not sure how long to make my NC period, as well as if I should reach out to tell him I blocked and deleted those two kids this weekend.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 5, 2017 at 3:50 pm
if you want, apologize and then do your 2 month nc..
Ashley Hoffman
March 23, 2017 at 12:34 am
I was with my ex for 7 months and cheated on him a few times (Once with my other ex while him and I were broken up and other times with another guy). The first time he found out, he was going through my phone because he felt uneasy and found the conversation. He was not happy and wanted to break up but we talked things through and stayed together. He had a hard time trusting me and sex didn’t feel the same for him. Second time he found out, the guy I cheated on him with actually messaged him telling him what happened. He asked if I knew him and I said no and denied anything he asked. They even sent screenshots of conversations and everything. My ex was SUPER mad at me and told me to pack up my things and move (I was basically living in his dorm). I packed everything up and he kept swearing at me. I left without any reaction because I figured crying wouldn’t help. He then messaged me saying I’m a Hoe and he hated me and I needed help and all these bad things. He had blocked me on facebook messenger but NOT actual facebook and blocked my snapchat.
I know he doesn’t even want me, doesn’t wanna talk and doesn’t think about me. He said him and I are polar opposites but we had a lot of things in common and always had a good time. I think he’s saying these things out of anger and he actually DOES love me, he’s just hurt. I have started the NC for three days and going strong. I also know that he has had a tinder since him and I split. What can I do to win him back and make him love me again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 26, 2017 at 6:19 am
Hi Ashley,
just stick to nc for now and make the most of it by improving yourself to increasweyour chances
Nicole
March 17, 2017 at 5:57 pm
My ex and I dated for almost five months. He was a few years younger than me. Anyway, one night he went out with his guy friends and my brother saw him at a bar with a girl; so my brother confronts him and he says we broke up (I guess to avoid a fight with my brother). So the next morning I blow up at him and accuse him of being a cheater, etc. We are angry at each other for the rest of the week, sort of in limbo where we selectively ignored each other and kept referring to talking things out soon. Well about 5 days after this event he posts a picture on IG of him with a group of girls “new friends”. Come to find out he hooked up with one of them bc he told everyone he was single. So that weekend I hooked up with my ex before him, in revenge. He didn’t know I knew he slept with someone. After that week, we decide to just be friends with benefits. So I go over and we hug it out and he was being very loving towards me. The next day, he finds out that I know about him hooking up with the girl and we get into a big fight about it. Then I admit that I slept with my ex. Almost immediately, he blocks me on everything. If he wanted out of the relationship so bad, what right does he have to be angry with me?? I know this is unhealthy, but I do miss him and at the minimum I’d just like to be friends.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2017 at 5:06 pm
Hi Nicole,
it’s ok to be friends, if that’s really what you want..but dont be friends with benefits again.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?
Yola
February 27, 2017 at 4:20 pm
Weve been friends like best friends for 4 years when we started dating his friends say that im the 1st girl his ever claimed to be hiz gf,im feeling so bad ,I cheated on my boyfriend he asked for a break then we met up things were fine then out of the blue he just told me he can’t do this and that this relationship is frastrating for him and he cannot trust me it’s stressing him making him drink alot, then I was able to convince him then we went out for a celebration then I got drunk and he said the same words again I then told him whilst I was drunk I want nothing to do with him and must get out of my room he begged and tryed to convince me that we will talk when we sobber but I insisted he left ,I was hurt because he said we can’t be not that I meant it, the next day I want to visit him and he was angry he then told me he is not ready for a relationship and that this relationship is too seriouse and he didnt think it would get this far….I asked him if he still loved me and he said yes but he just doesn’t want to date at the moment…I’m so depressed I tryed no contact for 5 days then on the 3rd day he sent me a beautiful pic of me at about 2am in the morning I sent him an apology message then he said he forgave me along…I just want to know should i give up on him because he seems convinced that he doesnt want me…I feel like there is no hope plz help im dying here.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2017 at 7:57 pm
Hi Yola,
if you don’t want to give up, try the advice above.
Yola
February 27, 2017 at 4:12 pm
Weve been friends like best friends for 4 years when we started dating his friends say that im the 1st girl his ever claimed to be hiz gf,I cheated on my boyfriend he asked for a break then we met up things were fine then out of the blue he just told me he can’t do this and that this relationship is frastrating for him and he cannot trust me it’s stressing him making him drink alot, then I was able to convince him then we went out for a celebration then I got drunk and he said the same words again I then told him whilst I was drunk I want nothing to do with him and must get out of my room he begged and tryed to convince me that we will talk when we sobber but I insisted he left ,I was hurt because he said we can’t be not that I meant it, the next day I want to visit him and he was angry he then told me he is not ready for a relationship and that this relationship is too seriouse and he didnt think it would get this far….I asked him if he still loved me and he said yes but he just doesn’t want to date at the moment…I’m so depressed I tryed no contact for 5 days then on the 3rd day he sent me a beautiful pic of me at about 2am in the morning I sent him an apology message then he said he forgave me along…I just want to know should i give up on him because he seems convinced that he doesnt want me…I feel like there is no hope plz help im dying here.
zola
March 12, 2017 at 4:50 pm
Hi yola
My ex and I are back into communication, I’m afraid to ask him if we dating or not because he might just say it’s complicated or his confused, so do I just win back his trust ? But won’t that make him friendzone me ?? Like I’m afraid to be friendzoned
yola
March 8, 2017 at 5:17 pm
Hi Amor
During the no contact when you have cheated on some one do I do the same as the others, like have have fun with other men and write on Facebook status how much fun I had with xxx? Like I’d just like to know…by the way he said I should move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2017 at 9:22 am
nope you can’t because you’re trying to build trust. If he sees with you dating, that would justify that you’re a cheater.
yola
March 2, 2017 at 9:36 pm
Hi Am or
He called me tonight then I didn’t answer then I broke no contact, he sent me message that he misses me i said he will get over it in due time so I asked why he called he said he needed to talk and that not talking to me is driving him crazy so I said it’s his personal choice hence I did beg him to get back together with..is he friend zoning me??? Should I redo NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2017 at 8:05 pm
Yes, he is trying to friendzone you.. It’s not too late to restart and stick to it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2017 at 7:57 pm
Hi Yola,
if you don’t want to give up, try the advice above.
Mon
February 3, 2017 at 1:56 am
Hello,
My boyfriend and I were dating for 4 years…a couple month ago i started talking to this guy from work via text. At first it was very innocent, talking about work, video games, life, etc. Then the flirting began, I brushed it off but then i dont know what came over me I started doing the same, I guess I liked the attention. This went on during maybe the end of November beginning December, then we started meeting up and having sex and talking about a future together. But ultimately I never wanted a future without the boyfriend I had. He didnt deserve this treatment and I still went on. He caught me reading all the explicit messages ad kicked me out from our home. I felt devastated and ended all contact with the other guy. I am in deep regret as this was really something I can never imagine myself doing to someone. I am trying so hard to get him to take me home but of course i know it takes time.I’ve deleted everything contacts, messages, number everything related to the other guy. but my boyfriend was able to screen shot some messages and to use them for who knows what…i dont blame him for being angry and hurt, and am just as hurt if not suffering my consequences.i love him to bits and really this is something I will never do again, he says he still loves me but im not so sure..just wondering weather to just let him go instead of trying so hard to get him back );
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2017 at 5:26 pm
Hi Mon
if you want to try, try the advice above first, if it doesn’t work then move on..
San
December 21, 2016 at 9:49 am
Hey, this is San from India.
My lover broke up with me due to a misunderstanding. He thinks I cheated on him. And I have no proof to make him understand my innocence.
He lives in a different country and we don’t meet.
So what do I do ?
I really want him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 24, 2016 at 7:36 am
Hi San,
check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t
M
May 12, 2016 at 10:47 pm
Chris –
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me a month ago. He and I had been on and off, starting before the holidays. We were at a work party together for a place we both work for, and he broke up with me at the party when I left him to talk on the phone. I told him I was talking to my best girl friend but he was completely livid and told me I couldn’t be trusted. And, in fact, I was on the phone with a guy friend who was interested in me, and I’d repeatedly told I was not available. We’d hung out a bit when my relationship was going south, in part because I also work closely with him (at another job). But this guy also lives across the country (we work remotely) and is not someone I could even build a real relationship with. He just happened to be in town for the holidays. I messaged my friend about it in the morning, and apparently the messages from my Facebook popped up on his computer. He was super angry that I had been on the phone with this guy, even though the conversation was literally that I was NOT interested and did NOT want to see him. My boyfriend proceeded to tell me to fuck off, and did not talk to me at all over the holidays except to call me names, like whore, etc. I was hurt, and hooked up with the guy who was interested in me. My boyfriend decided on New Years that we could start afresh and actually said he “did not care” about what happened over the holidays, just wanted to start over.
Here’s where it gets messy. I didn’t TELL him about this other guy. He eventually asked, and I said nothing had happened. I wanted to start over too, right? BUT I work closely with this other guy, and we never really stopped talking. This guy harbors all sorts of anger and resentment towards me, and also lives across the country, so I mean, nothing really could happen, but he was still talking to me. I had made plans to be his area of the country (not to see him) but to vacation with a friend. We’d made plans to travel long before all of this happened. A week before I leave town, my partner asked me point blank whether I had slept with this guy, and, I said yes. I told him I had no plans to see him, and that all I want is that blank slate we talked about at New Year’s. I GET that trust being violated and secrets kept for that long pretty much fucks all of that up. But, a blank slate is actually what I want, I just felt like I wasn’t safe to tell him what had happened. I felt like he wouldn’t understand, and he would leave me (like he did over MUCH less over the holidays).
So, he’s livid. But, we talk, and he says, yes, he’s in for one more shot. My second night on vacation (also my first vacation in years), he writes me to tell me he’s actually not okay with any of this at all. He then begins calling me a bitch, telling me to kill myself, telling me I’m dogshit… and, I just said, you know, I love you and this is not okay. He continued to freak out, calling me names for posting pictures of myself on social media (not even being especially lush, just doing normal stuff lol) so I blocked him on social media and told him we should take some time and just talk when I got home. And that he should not worry about me hooking up with this guy because all this is pretty much a huge buzzkill anyway.
I woke up to a bunch of texts from him (I went to bed) – maybe 75 or 80 texts that said “fuck you” over and over and then he blocked my phone. I tried to contact him over email, letter, etc, since, but to no avail. He says he’s “completely done” and our only interchange was exchanging keys in passing at my prompting.
What do you make of this? I want to reconcile – our relationship was mostly positive but became so stressed out at the end – and I especially don’t want the relationship to end like this after 2 years of basically being family.
What can I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 5:31 am
Hi M,
you need to give him time and honestly a lot of it because trust is hard to win back and read this blog post. EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated
Diggi
December 2, 2015 at 7:39 am
Hi Chris,
I have a situation here. I met a guy In January, It was on a wedding website, it was clear from day 1 that we will see if we like each other and get married accordingly. The moment we met we both felt we have something (he admitted to it). I was the first girl he fell in love with. I was in a relationship before for 7 years and it has been 4 years since we broke up. The guy I dated before was a guy who belonged to a very rich family and I come from a upper middle class family and he broke up with me because his mother said that our social status does not match and he said the same thing. I have 2 undergrad degrees with 4.0 GPA and I had scholarship throughout and I am helping my dad in his businesses since I was 21 years old practically running the businesses for him, but the things that were said to me left an impression deep inside. I never dated anyone for 4, years after that. Then I thought that it is time for me to go out there again, I met a guy he was really sweet in the beginning as was his family but I got to know that he was a drug addict and alcoholic (I just went out with him a few times). Then I met this guy, from the moment we met we knew we have something, we fell in love, everything was perfect for the first 2 months I even met his mother and she was really sweet to me. But, I messed up, I lied to them about my professional life ad my family, I really wanted to tell him the truth in the initial day but I got scared that he will leave as I thought that I do not have a really good professional life, one lie lead to another and I kept lying to him and his family for 2 months. He fell in love with me I fell in love with him. His family really wanted me to be a part of their family. He got to know about everything when he met my family. But, I talked to him explained everything and promised not to lie to him ever again and not to hide anything from him. And I kept my promise for the next 7 months, as we wanted to get married I asked him to ask his family if we can go ahead, his family said no and he told my family that he still cannot trust me. I send him an email after all this stating that I tried my best, I did everything in my power to make things right and that I love him as well but I will not contact him anymore and will respect his decision. And I never did after that. He wanted my family to talk to his family and clear the misunderstanding but my parents do not feel like doing that as they think that he doesn’t respect me or love me. I has been 18 days, I was thinking to call his mom and talk to her and explain her why I lied and how much I am regretting it in a way that what I am doing is for her (I loved her as my own mom, and I am feeling guilty for what I did to her). She loved me very much and I think about her everyday and feel so bad and angry at myself. Do you think it is a good idea to call her explain things? I don’t want to talk about getting back with her son. But I really do want to give her the explanation as of now. It is really hard for me to live with this guilt. The reason I never did this before is because I felt that my actions will make more sense than my words, but as she is in a different continent she cannot see what I was trying to do from last 7 months here. I would love to hear back from you.
Thank you so much.
Lina
October 9, 2015 at 6:09 pm
My bf has a serious trust issue becuz his ex cheated on him with his best friend. He always wanted me to show off our photos/ status on social network but i didnt feel comfortable becuz I supposed he shoudl have started first and I would do the same. We had a lot of fights for this and I also posted sometimes. He usually feel insecure for our relationship and felt uncomfortable with other guys commenting or posting like on my Facebook, which I had to remove/ block some of them to make a compromise with him. We broke up because he found my password email nick name of my ex ( he passed away). I explained to him that I love him and the password is just because of my habit. He doesnt believe and ask me if Im open to share FB password with him. I denied because I worried that I will lose mysterious to him if I agree to all of his demands. He blocked me on all social networks ( Fb, instagram) . 1 week after broke up, he texted me “miss u”, I texted back the day later ” miss u too” but no response. Then I wished I should agree with him so we wont break up..
Then I happened to see your site and wondering If I should apply NC or should let him know I feel comfortable to share it with him now because I feel he’s more important to me that I can let him access to my personal stuff like that. and do NC.??Please advise me…
SingleMom
October 5, 2015 at 2:45 am
Hi Chris,
I believe you will reply this as you mentioned you read every single comment.
As the name mentioned, I’m a single mother and I had my divorce over a year ago. Recently I started dating again and was in relationship with this guy, let’s called him “J”.
We were together for 4 months. He is really hot tempered guy, self centered, jealous and always get angry with everyone around if things didn’t go well (while driving, he will curse and swear; while buying something if things go wrong, he will scold the seller,etc). I know it seems like not the best characteristic ever, but he is nice and sweet to me and my son. I gave in a lot to his temper and I thought I loved him.
So one day, we went to a club. I don’t normally drink and he knows that. But we opened bottle anyway and he kept pouring drinks to me. I got so drunk and there was a guy pulling me away from my bf and danced with me and kissed me. I was half aware of this and my bf saw that and got super angry. I know your view on this and I know I can’t blame the alcohol as in the first place I have to control myself. I know I made a huge mistake and its unforgivable.
Now, I chased my bf outside and begged his forgiveness. Here’s the thing that i remember at that state, he pushed me to the floor, I knocked my head to the concrete, he tried to roughly pull me up, cursed and swear on me, called me names, kept shouting, we went home by taxi, I kept begging him in the taxi, he kept pushed me away, we went to my home, I begged him again, he kept pushing me to the floor and cursed and swear and called me names again, he threw the cups and shattered it on the floor, and he went out, went home to his.
I msg him and obviously I haven’t read your site yet, begging him and tried to explain the situation and asking for his forgiveness and second chance. He again replied with the cursing and I feel it is so disrespectful. I threaten to block his number if he didn’t want to talk and if he is still cursing. He got better and started to talk and bottom line, we said our goodbye there. The next day he msg me asked for his belonging and that’s it. I was so desperate to get him back and I came upon your site. Everyone around me encourage me not to take him back due to his abusive and violence nature. In one of your site about the type of guys, it seems that he is a combination of bad boy, super committed, egomaniac and controller with a more bad mixed character than good. And I know you also asked if it is worthed to get him back.
Now, I’ve been asking myself about it as well. I’m not in the 7th day of no contact rules. Basically I didn’t contact him from the last time he asked me for his belonging. On day 2 of no contact, he msg me saying how hurt he is and how I’ve broken his heart and how he is so disappointed etc and he said goodbye again. I didn’t reply that. On day 6th, he msg me again out of the blue and said he forgives me and wish me the best with the things I want to do. I haven’t replied him tho and I was contemplating since yesterday to do so. That’s when I decided to leave a comment here.
Now, I’m in the middle of healing too but I still love him. Since he said he forgive me, should I msg him back or should I wait for 21 days to reply?
Many thanks in advance for your advise.
SingleMom
October 5, 2015 at 5:36 pm
Now is day 7th of NC and he msg me again asking if I will ever gonna talk to him again.. Should I reply this??
Eva
August 13, 2015 at 10:10 pm
Hi, me and my boyfriend were dating officially for 4 months (but were going out together for about 7). Me and a group of friends had gone camping for 3 days and spent an extra night at one of their houses once we returned. During those three nights i had been drinking excessively and for the first night one of the guys there (he’s 20, I’m 16. Let’s call him John) brought me to his tent and tried doing things with me. We ended up kissing but i felt guilty and left. The second night we had all decided to go skinny dipping but everyone else decided not to last minute, so it was just me and John. We didn’t go in next to each other but kind of swam in different directions and i got dressed right away and left. Once we came back from camping we all decided to drink since it was our last night together. I remember I started drinking while I waited for the others to come and then waking up the next morning, but I can’t remember anything that happened that night. Apparently I had slept with John, was running around my friend’s house naked and was trying to sleep with one of the other guys. Immediately that morning I told my boyfriend what had happened. We talked about it later and he told me he needed a break from me, that he wanted to sort things out but after what I did he wasn’t sure if he could forgive me. He said maybe someday we could talk about this in person but for now he doesn’t want to see me. I told him it was my fault, he didn’t deserve this and that I was so sorry. He responded with “Just show me you can change, and Ill text you when I’m ready”. Do you think there is any chance he’ll take me back after what had happened? I vowed not to drink again and threw out all the remaining alcohol I had left since I’m clearly not responsible enough to drink. I had no intention to sleep with john and I desperately am willing to do anything to make things work. What do you think? What should i do ?
Chris Seiter
August 14, 2015 at 4:24 am
First thing you will have to do is delete John from your life. Make sure he’s not on your facebook etc. Second thing is do not talk to any guys at all other than family during no contact. If you are officially broken up do no contact for 30 days. If he hasn’t broken up with you yet, make sure you are all about him. Don’t even look in another guys direction. I know that sounds kinda harsh but it’s going to take a lot to earn his trust back.
naaz
July 7, 2015 at 5:23 pm
Hi Chris.
I am on my 10th Day of NC. My ex blocked me everywhere and found a new girlfriend(itz not a rebound). He flirts with many and planning date with the current girl. I dont see him interested in me. He is like feed my ego person. he always run behind girls. What can make a boy love u again and commit to u. When he completely doesn’t want u and ignores u and dont need any committed relation. Therez no care no love no affection. How can u make someone urz. He showed me his love only for 1st 3 months and then it was all fights and arguments which now had turned into a complete break up. can u ever make someone love u back and get commit. What makes this type of personality (ffeed my ego) make urz & love back.
m sorryyy m in a situation wer it hurts to loose him. Coz everything was good and then everything messed up.
plz help
Chris Seiter
July 8, 2015 at 11:29 pm
Well, in my experience men who want their ego fed will be attracted to girls who feed it a little but don’t feed it all the way. The girls that always leave them wanting more.
Violet
June 1, 2015 at 8:07 am
Hi,
I was in a long distance relationship (250) miles for a year and a half. I met my ex boyfriend when he was living near to me but a job change necessitated that he moved. I knew him for about a month and a half before he left and it was only once he’d moved to his new place that we decided to try a long distance relationship. He is the kindest, sweetest, most considerate and gentle guy imaginable. I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend and we got on like a house on fire. We saw each other roughly fortnightly or monthly and he did everything he could to make that easy for me (paid for travel, came to me whenever possible. )
Although the long distance was really hard, he did everything possible to alleviate the difficulty of our situation. When we started our relationship, I was still studying at university. As our relationship progressed, my workload became more intense than I thought possible and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to continue juggling the travelling, heartache of missing him etc, whilst completing my degree. I had asked my boyfriend to consider moving back and to even just look at jobs near me again but he brushed those requests off and said I was being ridiculous- I wasn’t. I only asked for that because I wanted our relationship to be long term. I was serious.
After much deliberation and pain, I ended our relationship over the phone. I poured my heart out. After we broke up, he visited me and said he’d suddenly decided that he wanted nothing more than to move close to me and find a new job. This unsettled me because I couldn’t see why it took for me to break up with him for him to say that- I felt that he was being slightly selfish because it was only then because he was hurting, that he was willing to consider moving. Scared that it wasn’t what he really wanted and that he’d regret moving here and resent me, I told him not to and said my decision to break up still stood- that was extremely difficult for me.
A few months after that, he visited again but on a drunken night out with a large group of friends, a guy kissed me. My ex didn’t see it happen but he was suspicious because he saw me sitting with the guy, and I admitted that he had kissed me. I hadn’t planned for it to happen. I was very drunk but I know that isn’t an excuse- I didn’t pull away from him kissing me. I did not have feelings for the guy. I just think that everything I did around that time were desperate attempts to prove to myself that I could move on, when really, I couldn’t and still can’t. This happened a year ago and my ex was heartbroken by it, made worse by the fact that I did not let him see that I felt terrible or remorseful because I felt I needed to continue coping with life without my ex and that having him hating me was easier for me to deal with.
Recently I have had contact with my ex again. I visited him to show him how sorry I am and that I still love and care deeply for him. I wasn’t very good at putting my points across and so resorted to emailing him subsequently to do so better. He listened and was extremely gracious and kind but he has said despite his lingering feelings for me, he doesn’t know if he will ever see me the way he used to. He has said that for now we both need to get on with our lives and just try to find happiness. I hope that he does but a year on, it’s clear to me that I won’t stop missing him.
What are your thoughts? I didn’t ‘cheat’ on him but he seems to see it that way.
jenna
May 18, 2015 at 6:45 am
Hi
ive cheatwd on my almosy 7 yr bf for like a yr. It all started because he had been for like 2 yrs very rude and careless( forgot about bdays valentines and anniversaries). He always said it was because his engeneering school stress. as a long distance relationship i found the love and caring from this other guy. Who i dont love and feel sorry for as he loves me. I wanna end it all with the lover. I feel like crying everytime it happens. I think its because now my bf is loving like before and we even have wedding plans. I dont know what to do. Should i tell him? Guilt has been affecting me physicaly now
Chris Seiter
May 19, 2015 at 7:12 pm
Why did you cheat?
Jenny
May 17, 2015 at 2:03 am
I broke no contact by mistake on day 9 when he called me a different number. I kept things short and brief. The conversation went along like “Hello who is this?” “This is ex boyfriend.” “What do you want.” “Nothing.” “Okay, Goodbye.” Then I hung up the phone. Did I do the right thing? Should I start over no contact?
Jenny
May 16, 2015 at 6:20 am
I cheated on my boyfriend because I was too cowardly and weak to break up with him when he treated me as if I was no better than an accessory. I chose to take security in another person because I felt like my only purpose to my bf was a trophy and a security blanket/care taker. After he found out, he transformed into a person who needed me 24/7. After 3 months, he broke up with me. We kept seeing each other after this break up. I tried to leave him multiple times because of emotional abuse where I was treated as a doormat one night and then the next a queen. We had not seen each other in 2 months, but every night I was listening to his problems, doting on him, providing advice. His emotions are dead but volatile because he has a severe benzo addiction. Because of his addiction, I tried my best to understand him. When he finished his finals for school, he threw me under the bus and partied as much as possible that night and rest of week. He flaunted this as well. Like all abusive relationships, I was being used for comfort, or maybe in his eyes I was being punished for cheating. I called two days straight begging him to block my number like he promised, in which he responded with a lazy apology saying he knows I hate him but he’s just doing the right thing. I was so burned and hurt because this sick insane cycle has occured so many times but I picked myself up and tried to keep myself busy.
After 9 days of no contact, he called me with a random number. I accidentally picked up.
He asked if I was sleeping, I asked him what he wanted. When he responded, “Nothing.”
I told him goodbye and hung up the phone.
What do I do now? Did I do the right thing? I wish now that I never picked up the phone. I wasn’t prepared for this and now I am so angry and conflicted at his audacity to do this to me again. Why am I fretting over this stupid guy again when he probably doesnt feel anything except pity for his wounded pride for getting rejected?
At the end of the day, I simply want what’s best for both of us. I just want us to both move on before more pain is inflicted. I know he doesn’t love me either, he just uses me when he’s down.
Please help.
Chris Seiter
May 19, 2015 at 5:55 pm
Well, it seems simple to me. Don’t let him use you.