It is one of the worst feelings in the world when everything in your relationship goes through a complete turnaround. One moment it’s fine, the next he is pushing you away. At first you try to convince yourself that it is temporary, something you could get past.
You tell yourself that you just need to do more, that he will see what a good girlfriend you are and then he will love you more. No matter what you do, he keeps pushing you away. Now that the relationship has ended, you are left wondering what the heck happened with several unresolved questions:
Where did I go wrong?
Was he going through something I’m not aware of?
Is there something I could have done?
Why the heck do guys push girls away?
Most of all, you’re left wondering what you can do to get him back after he pushed you away.
Well, the questions stop right here, right now!
The 4 Fastest Ways To Get A Guy Back After He Pushed You Away
You want your guy back and you want him back fast. Well, you’ve come to the right place.
Some of these ways will go against what feels natural so much so that when you first read them, you might think I’m totally out of my mind.
I promise, I’m not.
We are going to dissect each one of these one by one in detail. When we finished you will have every bit of knowledge you need to succeed/.
Are you ready?
Here’s a quick overview of what we are going to cover.
- Understanding Why Men Push You Away
- Giving Your Man Some Space: Believe it
- Creating Scarcity, Urgency and Fear of Loss
- Being Direct and Handling Confrontation
Let’s dive right in, shall we?
#1: Fully Understand Why Men Push You Away
I’ll let you in on a secret, men really hate to talk about our reasons behind our actions, why we do things, what we are thinking.
Honestly, most of the time we don’t even know. We don’t put that much, or often any, thought into why we doe the things we do. Or we do know but we don’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth.
However, understanding why a man pushes you away requires that we dive into these reasons why a guy might push you away. I didn’t think you’d believe just me, so I asked 1o guys one questions,
“Why is it that men push women away?”
The results, were very honest and at times even harsh.
Most of the responses were similar and had a common theme.
Being annoying (texting/calling all the time, wanting to hang out all the time, etc.)
Crying too much
Fighting too much
Being too clingy
Being too controlling
Being too negative
Asking too much or moving too fast
Do you see it?
All of these reasons have one thing in common.
We are going to call these “Too Qualities.”
Each one is too much of something.
So what does this tell you? Men push you away when they are feeling smothered by something. This happens when they feel like they are not getting enough of what they want out of a relationship and instead are working overtime to try to keep up with your “Too Qualities.”
When it gets to this point, this is likely when a guy will start to push you away.
Be honest with yourself. Did you have any “Too Qualities” that could have made your ex boyfriend want to push you away?
If so, to get your ex boyfriend back, you’re going to have to become aware of these and make a change that so your ex boyfriend doesn’t feel so smothered and won’t feel the need to push you away.
#2: Give Your Man Some Space
When a guy starts to push you away, you can feel it.
He stops calling as much.
He doesn’t make plans as often.
He wants to hang out with his friends more.
He becomes too busy to respond to some of your texts.
Trust me, when it happens you feel it. You might have tried to convince yourself that it’s not happening, but eventually you will come to realize that there is distance where there wasn’t any before. This is where you start to wonder where things really started to go wrong.
Sometimes your reaction to a guy pushing you away will actually make him push you away even more.
For most women, when a guy starts to push them away, it is only natural to want figure out what the problem is and try to fix it. You care about the relationship and want that gnawing sense that you’re losing him to go away.
Holding on tighter will almost always cause him to push you away more. Giving your guy some space will always feel counter-intuitive.
I know what you’re thinking… “Uh, what?!”
Let’s walk through why this makes sense.
You should give your ex boyfriend space after a breakup regardless. It allows you time to get your emotions in check and him time to realize he’s made a mistake by letting you slip away. If you don’t know what No Contact is or want to read more about it, check it out here!
Now, let’s talk about why giving your guy some space is so important when he is pushing you away. He may not even realize it but he is telling you something when he does this.
Of course he’s not just going to come right out and tell you that you are doing something that bothers him or that he needs some space. That would be too easy.
You know that old saying?
“Actions speak louder than words.”
Well, it’s perfectly applicable here. What he does speaks volumes over what he doesn’t say.
I know the idea of “space” may cause some of you to panic.
Don’t worry, giving space isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Even in the most successful relationships the need for space is normal. There are a number of reasons why a guy made need space where you did nothing wrong.
Pressure at work
Problems with family
Missing his friends
Being stressed out
However, there are also a few things you may have done that may have prompted his need for space. This takes us back to the “Too Qualities.”
Moving too fast
Spending too much time together
Think about it. Was there something happening that that could have made him want space?
To get him back you are going to have to show him that whatever it was, it won’t be a problem any more. The easiest way to do that is by giving him the space that he needed in the first place.
Here’s a video we made covering the basics of creating successful No Contact results.
During this time, your ex boyfriend’s negative thoughts and feelings towards you will me replaced with thoughts of missing you.
Once you get back in contact with him after your No Contact,you can then show him that you support him by avoiding the issues we talked about earlier.
#3: Create Scarcity, Urgency and Fear of Loss
When you’re in a relationship it is only natural for you to get used to giving your boyfriend a lot of attention and spending a lot of time with him.
In the same manner, he is used to having you in his life and feeling like a priority. It is only natural that following a break up, your ex boyfriend still thinks that you want him in your life as a priority.
Creating urgency and a fear of losing you is going to make your ex boyfriend question whether he still “has” you.
In fact, I take that back. Creating scarcity and urgency will make your ex boyfriend aware that that the doesn’t “have” you anymore and will have him chasing validation from you in no time.
#3 involves mastering three very important concepts:
Fear of Loss
The details of the video above will clarify more on these points. But let’s talk about this further.
Scarcity means that you are rarely available and you must make your ex believe that you are one of a kind and cannot be replaced. Urgency means that you are going to make your ex think that he should recommit to you as soon as he can or otherwise he might lose you forever, which is Fear of Loss.
When you put these three concepts together, you are going to create a cocktail that will make your ex realize that he needs to recommit immediately otherwise he is going to lose something very rare.
Ah! Scary, right?
Now, imagine his view on this. His observation will be amplified more than yours, because he thinks that you’ll chase after him. He’s entitled.
Let’s first talk about why this works and then I will give you a couple of things you can do to put these things into action.
Scarcity is a concept that relates to the supply and demand. We tend to value things more when they are more scarce and in high demand. We are willing to do more to obtain things that are scarce that we know other people want. Right?
Here’s a practical example. Think about the new iPhone. Every single time iPhone releases a new model they put this into reality. Apple knows that a whole lot of people are going to want the new iPhone. People know this but they also know that there won’t be enough iPhone’s upfront for everyone to get one right then and there. You see, only a certain number of people can get the new iPhone on the day it is released. Everyone else ends up on back-order.
So how the heck does all of this relate to relationships?!
I’m getting there!
Your first step is going to be to make yourself seem really scarce. You are the new iPhone. You want to be rare and one of a kind.
Make yourself scarce by not being too available. You’re going to make your ex boyfriend work for your attention!
Do a proper No Contact following the break up. Let him chase you a bit by not initiating every conversation. Don’t be available for last minute dates. You get the idea!
The second part of this is you’re going to change the demand. Remember from above: we tend to value things that are more scarce and in high demand.
You’re going to have to put yourself in high demand or at least make your ex boyfriend think that you are in high demand. You do this by filling your time.
Go out with your friends
Take up a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to try
Create new activities to keep yourself busy
This is going to play hand in hand with creating urgency and fear of loss. Once your ex boyfriend starts to see that you are rare and in high demand, he is going to want start to want your attention back.
To increase this effect, you are going to use Urgency and Fear of Loss to your advantage. To create a sense of urgency you need to get your ex boyfriend thinking that if he doesn’t get your attention back now, he may lose you forever.
There is one very simply but very scary thing you can do.
Go on other dates.
Yes, I said that.
Let me say that again.
Go on dates with other people.
This will show him that you are wanted by other people and he’ll realize the possibility that you could hit it off with someone on a date. He might lose you forever.
You show your ex boyfriend how scarce you will be and that you are not afraid of moving on by lightly documenting your new activities on social media. It will get back to your ex boyfriend that you’ve gone on a few dates.
I can tell you one thing for certain.
Exes will ALWAYS check in on you and see whwat you are up to.
#4: Direct Confrontation
Alright, alright, alright. Perhaps you’ve reached the end of this article and you don’t feel that any of the tactics above are impressive you. You are looking for a more direct way to tackle the issue.
That can be found in a direct confrontation.
Let’s talk about when a direct confrontation is appropriate, the pros and cons of a direct confrontation, and how to do this properly.
A direct confrontation is something I wouldn’t advise often. Only in only about 5% of cases.
What does this tell you? You should only use this Fast Way if you truly don’t think any of the other Fast Ways will work for you or if you’ve already tried them out and they just aren’t working for you.
A direct confrontation can be really attractive in some cases. It has the potential to show your ex boyfriend that pushing you away is not an appropriate way to communicate and you can’t be walked all over. Asserting your needs in a relationship and allowing him to step up to the plate to meet them sets up the potential for an open dialogue about what each of you is currently lacking and needs moving forward.
So what can go wrong? It sounds like an awesome option!
I call this tactic The Fast Way.
Often The Fast Way is also the sloppy way. It carries the risk of causing your ex boyfriend to shut down or pushing your ex boyfriend away further.
This is why it is so important that a direct confrontation is done correctly.
How do you do this, you ask?
I’ll tell you!
There are two key things you can do to ensure that a direct confrontation has the best chance at success:
Know the reason he was pushing you away.
This is pretty self explanatory. You have to know the reason that your ex boyfriend was pushing you away in the first place. Why is this so important?
You cannot directly confront him about why he was pushing you away without knowing why he was pushing you away in the first place. Right?
You must be confident that you know why he was pushing you away. Don’t just guess a reason. If you don’t know, don’t directly confront him.
Have a solution to the problem ready and show him you’re serious about it!
Once you’ve figured out why he was pushing you away, you’re going to have to figure out what you can do to change that and how how to show him that has changed. For example, if you were too clingy and controlling by getting upset when he wanted to hang out with his friends. Perhaps you kept interrupting by texting him a lot You’re going to have to tell him and then show him that you’re okay with him spending time with his friends and not text him when you know he’s hanging out with them.
When confronting him, you’re going to include this in your confrontation.
You know what, let me just show you what I mean.
What does a good direct confrontation look like?
About a week ago, I had the opportunity to help a client directly confront her ex boyfriend. It went awesome! Prior to confronting him, we talked at length about the reasons she thought he was pushing her away and being distant and also what she could say and do to present a solution and show him that those factors had changed.
After reflecting, she concluded that he pushed her away because she was too clingy when he was working and needed to focus on work.
Her solution was that moving forward she wouldn’t text him as much at work and in fact would end conversations first so he would have to text her first while at work; not the other way around.
Here is what she said when she confronted him:
Hi John –
You’re busy with work and that needs to be your priority. I don’t want you to feel pressured while working to message me and I’m sorry if you felt that way. I hope you’re doing well & I’m so proud of you!
Do you see how she was able to directly confront the issue, provide a solution, and end the confrontation on a positive note? That is exactly what a direct confrontation message should look like! In this case, John texted her back a very positive message and they have been in contact since. This formula is the best way to improve your chances of a direct confrontation going well.
Let’s Wrap It Up
Alright my friends, I’m about to set you free so you can start applying what we’ve talked about. Let’s just recap this one last time though.
He pushed you away That sucks but you are now armed with some serious tools to get him back including the 4 Fastest Ways To Get a Guy Back That Pushed You Away. So do not panic!
These ways are:
1. Fully Understand Why Men Push You Away – Guys will push you away typically because of your ” Too Qualities” something and they feel a bit overwhelmed by it. Understanding the exact reason why your guy pushed you away will help you get him back.
2. Give Your Man Some Space – By pushing you away in the first place, you guy was telling you that he needed space with his actions so giving your ex boyfriend some space can only help.
3. Create Scarcity, Urgency and Fear of Loss – Ultimately trying to get a guy back who pushed you away is simply a function of making him regret his decision. When it comes to regret there are three key concepts you need to achieve. Scarcity, Urgency and Fear of Loss
4. Direct Confrontation – At times, it can be a really attractive quality to assert yourself and directly confrontation of the issue. This is a tricky method that should only be used if you are confident that you know his reason for pushing you away in the first place and you feel that you have a solution that you are ready to present. Tread lightly.
Best of luck! Let me know how it goes in the comments below!