It is one of the worst feelings in the world when everything in your relationship goes through a complete turnaround. One moment it’s fine, the next he is pushing you away. At first you try to convince yourself that it is temporary, something you could get past.

You tell yourself that you just need to do more, that he will see what a good girlfriend you are and then he will love you more. No matter what you do, he keeps pushing you away. Now that the relationship has ended, you are left wondering what the heck happened with several unresolved questions:

  • Where did I go wrong?

  • Was he going through something I’m not aware of?

  • Did his feelings just go away?

  • Is there something I could have done?

  • Why the heck do guys push girls away?

Most of all, you’re left wondering what you can do to get him back after he pushed you away.

Well, the questions stop right here, right now!

The 4 Fastest Ways To Get A Guy Back After He Pushed You Away

You want your guy back and you want him back fast. Well, you’ve come to the right place.

Some of these ways will go against what feels natural so much so that when you first read them, you might think I’m totally out of my mind.

I promise, I’m not.

We are going to dissect each one of these one by one in detail. When we finished you will have every bit of knowledge you need to succeed/.

Are you ready?

Okay.

Here’s a quick overview of what we are going to cover.

  1. Understanding Why Men Push You Away
  2. Giving Your Man Some Space: Believe it
  3. Creating Scarcity, Urgency and Fear of Loss
  4. Being Direct and Handling Confrontation

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

#1: Fully Understand Why Men Push You Away

I’ll let you in on a secret, men really hate to talk about our reasons behind our actions, why we do things, what we are thinking.

Honestly, most of the time we don’t even know. We don’t put that much, or often any, thought into why we doe the things we do. Or we do know but we don’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth.

However, understanding why a man pushes you away requires that we dive into these reasons why a guy might push you away. I didn’t think you’d believe just me, so I asked 1o guys one questions,

“Why is it that men push women away?”

The results, were very honest and at times even harsh.

Most of the responses were similar and had a common theme.

  • Being annoying (texting/calling all the time, wanting to hang out all the time, etc.)

  • Crying too much

  • Fighting too much

  • Being too clingy

  • Being too controlling

  • Being too negative

  • Asking too much or moving too fast

Do you see it?

All of these reasons have one thing in common.

We are going to call these “Too Qualities.”

Each one is too much of something.

So what does this tell you? Men push you away when they are feeling smothered by something. This happens when they feel like they are not getting enough of what they want out of a relationship and instead are working overtime to try to keep up with your “Too Qualities.”

When it gets to this point, this is likely when a guy will start to push you away.

Be honest with yourself. Did you have any “Too Qualities” that could have made your ex boyfriend want to push you away?

If so, to get your ex boyfriend back, you’re going to have to become aware of these and make a change that so your ex boyfriend doesn’t feel so smothered and won’t feel the need to push you away.

#2: Give Your Man Some Space

When a guy starts to push you away, you can feel it.

  • He stops calling as much.

  • He doesn’t make plans as often.

  • He wants to hang out with his friends more.

  • He becomes too busy to respond to some of your texts.

Trust me, when it happens you feel it. You might have tried to convince yourself that it’s not happening, but eventually you will come to realize that there is distance where there wasn’t any before. This is where you start to wonder where things really started to go wrong.

Sometimes your reaction to a guy pushing you away will actually make him push you away even more.

For most women, when a guy starts to push them away, it is only natural to want figure out what the problem is and try to fix it. You care about the relationship and want that gnawing sense that you’re losing him to go away.

Holding on tighter will almost always cause him to push you away more. Giving your guy some space will always feel counter-intuitive.

I know what you’re thinking… “Uh, what?!”

Let’s walk through why this makes sense.

You should give your ex boyfriend space after a breakup regardless. It allows you time to get your emotions in check and him time to realize he’s made a mistake by letting you slip away. If you don’t know what No Contact is or want to read more about it, check it out here!

Now, let’s talk about why giving your guy some space is so important when he is pushing you away. He may not even realize it but he is telling you something when he does this.

Of course he’s not just going to come right out and tell you that you are doing something that bothers him or that he needs some space. That would be too easy.

You know that old saying?

“Actions speak louder than words.”

Well, it’s perfectly applicable here. What he does speaks volumes over what he doesn’t say.

I know the idea of “space” may cause some of you to panic.

Don’t worry, giving space isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Even in the most successful relationships the need for space is normal. There are a number of reasons why a guy made need space where you did nothing wrong.

  • Pressure at work

  • Problems with family

  • Missing his friends

  • Being stressed out

However, there are also a few things you may have done that may have prompted his need for space. This takes us back to the “Too Qualities.”

  • Being clingy

  • Being controlling

  • Moving too fast

  • Spending too much time together

Think about it. Was there something happening that that could have made him want space?

To get him back you are going to have to show him that whatever it was, it won’t be a problem any more. The easiest way to do that is by giving him the space that he needed in the first place.

Here’s a video we made covering the basics of creating successful No Contact results.

During this time, your ex boyfriend’s negative thoughts and feelings towards you will me replaced with thoughts of missing you.

Once you get back in contact with him after your No Contact,you can then show him that you support him by avoiding the issues we talked about earlier.

#3: Create Scarcity, Urgency and Fear of Loss

When you’re in a relationship it is only natural for you to get used to giving your boyfriend a lot of attention and spending a lot of time with him.

In the same manner, he is used to having you in his life and feeling like a priority. It is only natural that following a break up, your ex boyfriend still thinks that you want him in your life as a priority.

Creating urgency and a fear of losing you is going to make your ex boyfriend question whether he still “has” you.

In fact, I take that back. Creating scarcity and urgency will make your ex boyfriend aware that that the doesn’t “have” you anymore and will have him chasing validation from you in no time.

#3 involves mastering three very important concepts:

  • Scarcity

  • Urgency

  • Fear of Loss

The details of the video above will clarify more on these points. But let’s talk about this further.

Scarcity means that you are rarely available and you must make your ex believe that you are one of a kind and cannot be replaced. Urgency means that you are going to make your ex think that he should recommit to you as soon as he can or otherwise he might lose you forever, which is Fear of Loss.

When you put these three concepts together, you are going to create a cocktail that will make your ex realize that he needs to recommit immediately otherwise he is going to lose something very rare.

Ah! Scary, right?

Exactly!

Now, imagine his view on this. His observation will be amplified more than yours, because he thinks that you’ll chase after him. He’s entitled.

Let’s first talk about why this works and then I will give you a couple of things you can do to put these things into action.

Scarcity is a concept that relates to the supply and demand. We tend to value things more when they are more scarce and in high demand. We are willing to do more to obtain things that are scarce that we know other people want. Right?

Here’s a practical example. Think about the new iPhone. Every single time iPhone releases a new model they put this into reality. Apple knows that a whole lot of people are going to want the new iPhone. People know this but they also know that there won’t be enough iPhone’s upfront for everyone to get one right then and there. You see, only a certain number of people can get the new iPhone on the day it is released. Everyone else ends up on back-order.

Right?

So how the heck does all of this relate to relationships?!

I’m getting there!

Your first step is going to be to make yourself seem really scarce. You are the new iPhone. You want to be rare and one of a kind.

Make yourself scarce by not being too available. You’re going to make your ex boyfriend work for your attention!

Do a proper No Contact following the break up. Let him chase you a bit by not initiating every conversation. Don’t be available for last minute dates. You get the idea!

The second part of this is you’re going to change the demand. Remember from above: we tend to value things that are more scarce and in high demand.

You’re going to have to put yourself in high demand or at least make your ex boyfriend think that you are in high demand. You do this by filling your time.

  • Go out with your friends

  • Take up a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to try

  • Create new activities to keep yourself busy

This is going to play hand in hand with creating urgency and fear of loss. Once your ex boyfriend starts to see that you are rare and in high demand, he is going to want start to want your attention back.

To increase this effect, you are going to use Urgency and Fear of Loss to your advantage. To create a sense of urgency you need to get your ex boyfriend thinking that if he doesn’t get your attention back now, he may lose you forever.

There is one very simply but very scary thing you can do.

Go on other dates.

Yes, I said that.

Let me say that again.

Go on dates with other people.

This will show him that you are wanted by other people and he’ll realize the possibility  that you could hit it off with someone on a date. He might lose you forever.

You show your ex boyfriend how scarce you will be and that you are not afraid of moving on by lightly documenting your new activities on social media. It will get back to your ex boyfriend that you’ve gone on a few dates.

I can tell you one thing for certain.

Exes will ALWAYS check in on you and see whwat you are up to.

#4: Direct Confrontation

Alright, alright, alright. Perhaps you’ve reached the end of this article and you don’t feel that any of the tactics above are impressive you. You are looking for a more direct way to tackle the issue.

That can be found in a direct confrontation.

Let’s talk about when a direct confrontation is appropriate, the pros and cons of a direct confrontation, and how to do this properly.

A direct confrontation is something I wouldn’t advise often. Only in only about 5% of cases.

What does this tell you? You should only use this Fast Way if you truly don’t think any of the other Fast Ways will work for you or if you’ve already tried them out and they just aren’t working for you.

A direct confrontation can be really attractive in some cases. It has the potential to show your ex boyfriend that pushing you away is not an appropriate way to communicate and you can’t be walked all over. Asserting your needs in a relationship and allowing him to step up to the plate to meet them sets up the potential for an open dialogue about what each of you is currently lacking and needs moving forward.

So what can go wrong? It sounds like an awesome option!

I call this tactic The Fast Way.

Often The Fast Way is also the sloppy way. It carries the risk of causing your ex boyfriend to shut down or pushing your ex boyfriend away further.

This is why it is so important that a direct confrontation is done correctly.

How do you do this, you ask?

I’ll tell you!

There are two key things you can do to ensure that a direct confrontation has the best chance at success:

  1. Know the reason he was pushing you away.

This is pretty self explanatory. You have to know the reason that your ex boyfriend was pushing you away in the first place. Why is this so important?

You cannot directly confront him about why he was pushing you away without knowing why he was pushing you away in the first place. Right?

You must be confident that you know why he was pushing you away. Don’t just guess a reason. If you don’t know, don’t directly confront him.

  1. Have a solution to the problem ready and show him you’re serious about it!

Once you’ve figured out why he was pushing you away, you’re going to have to figure out what you can do to change that and how how to show him that has changed. For example, if you were too clingy and controlling by getting upset when he wanted to hang out with his friends. Perhaps you kept interrupting by texting him a lot You’re going to have to tell him and then show him that you’re okay with him spending time with his friends and not text him when you know he’s hanging out with them.

When confronting him, you’re going to include this in your confrontation.

You know what, let me just show you what I mean.

What does a good direct confrontation look like?

About a week ago, I had the opportunity to help a client directly confront her ex boyfriend. It went awesome! Prior to confronting him, we talked at length about the reasons she thought he was pushing her away and being distant and also what she could say and do to present a solution and show him that those factors had changed.

After reflecting, she concluded that he pushed her away because she was too clingy when he was working and needed to focus on work.

Her solution was that moving forward she wouldn’t text him as much at work and in fact would end conversations first so he would have to text her first while at work; not the other way around.

Here is what she said when she confronted him:

Hi John –

You’re busy with work and that needs to be your priority. I don’t want you to feel pressured while working to message me and I’m sorry if you felt that way. I hope you’re doing well & I’m so proud of you!

Do you see how she was able to directly confront the issue, provide a solution, and end the confrontation on a positive note? That is exactly what a direct confrontation message should look like! In this case, John texted her back a very positive message and they have been in contact since. This formula is the best way to improve your chances of a direct confrontation going well.

Let’s Wrap It Up

Alright my friends, I’m about to set you free so you can start applying what we’ve talked about. Let’s just recap this one last time though.

He pushed you away That sucks but you are now armed with some serious tools to get him back including the 4 Fastest Ways To Get a Guy Back That Pushed You Away. So do not panic!

These ways are:

1. Fully Understand Why Men Push You Away – Guys will push you away typically because of your ” Too Qualities” something and they feel a bit overwhelmed by it. Understanding the exact reason why your guy pushed you away will help you get him back.

2. Give Your Man Some Space – By pushing you away in the first place, you guy was telling you that he needed space with his actions so giving your ex boyfriend some space can only help.

3. Create Scarcity, Urgency and Fear of Loss – Ultimately trying to get a guy back who pushed you away is simply a function of making him regret his decision. When it comes to regret there are three key concepts you need to achieve. Scarcity, Urgency and Fear of Loss

4. Direct Confrontation – At times, it can be a really attractive quality to assert yourself and directly confrontation of the issue. This is a tricky method that should only be used if you are confident that you know his reason for pushing you away in the first place and you feel that you have a solution that you are ready to present. Tread lightly.

Best of luck! Let me know how it goes in the comments below!

52 thoughts on “How To Get A Guy Back That Pushed You Away”

  1. Avatar

    Olivia

    December 3, 2019 at 9:49 am

    Hi, my boyfriend told me he needed space. I gave him space for like three days and end up gnatting on him. So I start over with the no contact period with him. I get it he is stressed because he is busy with assignments and tests. (he’s in degree right now) So I was thinking of having a direct confrontation with him when our busy weeks are over. I was thinking of secretly come to his place or should I inform him about it? Im afraid he doesnt even want to meet me. Should I even do a direct confrontation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 6:24 pm

      Hi Olivia so you definitely need to complete a full no contact and work on yourself in that time and under no circumstances do you just drop by on him when hes asked for space this would not end well for you. Reach out via text or messenger how ever you would normally communicate with a friendly message

  2. Avatar

    Wendy

    October 23, 2019 at 1:28 am

    Hey Chris.
    So my ex and I were together for a year. We met when I was 19 years old and he was 20. Young I know.
    At the time we were both college students. Eventually he got suspended from school because his GPA was low. He still lived in an apartment off campus though as I lived on campus for my job. So the distance was none. I would visit a lot and even stay nights, weekends, you get it.
    Then over the summer his lease ended and he had to move back home (40 minutes from my college town where I live now in an apartment off campus). He’s been focused on landing a government type law enforcement job even while he was in school. So he started focusing on his career while I was in school.
    During the summer break, I had to go back home for a whole month which is 4 hours away. Towards the end of it he wanted to call it quits. The distance was getting to him and he mentioned we had been arguing more frequently.
    I begged. I pleaded. The breakup wasn’t really even a breakup. The night he wanted to end it, I said I would drive and meet him in person to talk things out. A day passed and he thought it over. Once we met up he said he regretted his decision, was impulsive with his decision and we got back together. We also brought up any future concerns we might have like our difference in parenting styles and dealing with a long distance relationship. We said as long as we work on our communication, then that was good. That was August 1st.
    We had celebrated our one year anniversary recently in late September and even went on the date that mimicked our first date as a cute thing. Then almost 2 weeks later he breaks up with me.
    For context, he has been working 2 jobs, dealing with his parents possible divorce, failed becoming a border patrol agent and is now pursing being a police officer. I’m still pursuing my career in film and live 40 minutes away from him still as he lives at home. We had not seen each other for nearly 2 weeks because of how busy he has been.
    The two days before our breakup, he mentioned how he got his credit card to help him build good credit which he needs in order to apply and be a police officer. He made a comment about how we can now have dinner dates (essentially making time for me) because of the credit card. That same night our parenting styles came up again and it brought us to a breaking point that our styles are completely different.
    He would be authoritarian because he has grown up as a military brat. Myself would be authoritative. I essentially said I didn’t want an authoritarian spouse (my father was this way and is an alcoholic. Emotionally damaging and I made it aware very early on in the relationship I am still working through those harsh feelings I have towards my father). My ex says he will be authoritarian but the way he said some things made it sound like he wouldn’t be (caring, understanding) but also had the “my way or the high way” military attitude. He sounded like he just doesn’t know which makes sense cause we’re young.
    Parenting styles seem like very early on for a 20 and 21 year old to worry about, especially since I’m not pregnant, yet it was something that he said is something we would constantly argue about in the future it seems.
    I mistakenly wrote him an essay (knowing he was busy and couldn’t find time to talk to me in person about our differences) and the essay apparently made him decide that we needed to grow as separate people, then maybe try later in life. He said we need to let go and if it’s meant to be then we’ll come back together eventually.
    He didn’t just say “let’s try later in life” once. It was multiple times. Saying we just aren’t working out right now, but maybe later.
    I am doing no contact. I started it immediately and then a couple days later he had to pick up his stuff. I went in, got out and left almost angry I feel because I was at that stage grieving our relationship; also, because he acted completely normal when picking up his stuff, very opposite from how I was feeling. I felt completely blindsided that we were talking about going on dinner dates and then broke up days later. He even said over text (how we broke up) that he was not gonna change his mind about the break up.
    As soon as I dropped his stuff off in his trunk, I turned and left. Got my keys from my apartment and drove off. He watched me drive away.
    Then I caved and called him like 10 minutes later feeling guilty for acting angry and not saying “I wish you well”. So I called. He didn’t answer. I texted “hey did you want your poster back?” (which I knew was just a gift but I caved. Ugh). And he said I could keep it or throw it away. So I said “okay” and have since been good about the no contact. It’s been a week.
    I know I need to focus on myself and I am. Taking film opportunities and working on my emotions. Being hyper aware of who I am. Every now and then reevaluate what went wrong with my ex cause I feel like I don’t have closure, but aware I still need 3 more weeks to grow and become that Ungettable girl.
    He needs space to focus on his career. He mentioned that. The issue is he won’t be starting the academy until June 2020. Clearly way after the 30 day no contact. He might even still have the same 2 job, parents possibly divorcing issues 30 days later. Even 45 days later to the farthest extent of a no contact.
    I guess I am just wondering if I should truly let him go and see how he is after he gets into the academy or stick with the 30 day no contact. It feels like he pushed me away because he needs to focus on himself, so do I give him that space longer than the 30 days and let him kickstart his career?
    I know we’re young. But he isn’t the type of guy to text an ex girlfriend. He’s stubborn. I know I will have to initiate after no contact. He even unfollowed me on everything. But do I even bother initiating if he might not be ready because his career hasn’t started and hasn’t moved out of his parent’s house yet? On top of this my concern is how I’m still in school but will be graduating in May 2020. Right before he joins the academy. I love him and support him and want him to succeed but I also love being with him. We make each other happy and push each other to be the best. But he pushed me away instead. Maybe I’m too optimistic and determined and know in my heart how we are together, so that’s why I need advice. I’m 100 percent going to continue with no contact, but the issue is how long of a no contact…?

    Hopefully my question helps young couples. I see a lot of situations with couples who have their lives together. Just wanted a take on my younger relationship. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2019 at 9:12 pm

      Hi Wendy – so I think your lives are going in different directions career wise but it doesnt mean you cant be together it just honestly takes work to keep it together if this is the paths you are both choosing. Coming from experience as my partner is a police officer, and we have been together since I was 16 and I am 31 now. It honestly takes work and it is hard. But you also need him to be willing to do that work too and if he isnt, then it is going to be a case of you trying to be Ungettable and posting on social media so he feels like he is missing out with you not in his life anymore, you need to be the upmost Ungettable Girl you can be for him to think, ” I need to get her back” but keep with your NC and reach out in a month and see what happens going on plan, but I know police training is very hard on their stress and mental being so they do get exhausted from training too

  3. Avatar

    Kate

    August 9, 2019 at 1:53 pm

    Hi Chris

    What does it mean when a guy needs to think about your relationship, needs space, but panics about the relationship and runs away to another partner, telling you to move on, it’s over. He tells me a mixture of reasons in ended from that it was me, to the situation that ended it. But then wanting to remain friends with you regardless, expresses he finds the break up hard, hurts, is sad because I refused a friendship? Months later, still contacting me but tells me a mixture of reasons he dislikes me, insults me, is very bitter, angry, pretending his life is “good” and he’s moved on? In all my replies I tell him to just say sorry for the way he treats me, that it ended, and to say goodbye. I have even wanted to meet with him to do so. But he doesn’t. Attacks, excuses, anger, denial, sadness, mixed with different emotions occasionally too that are warm. What is going on with this guy? It’s literally been going on for months after the break up. It is like he cannot let go, but doesn’t want me there either. He contacts me at least once a week in this way and I feel possibly my mesaaging back is an excuse to hold on as he was pretty keen on the friendship dymanic after our relationship ended, of which I didn’t want. He says I’ve pushed, tells me to move on, but then isn’t himself. I’ve finally gone full block out on him within the last two weeks, even emails, because his words really hurt, with attacks personally, pushing away, denying what we have, and so on. But he’s there regardless. As much as I say I’m moving on, Im dating new people, I am sorry it ended, he just eggs it in further with attacks, denial of our relationship, and bitterness. Why is this? Are you able to make sense of it? Literally months of this stuff.

    Thanks

  4. Avatar

    Emily

    July 21, 2019 at 4:54 pm

    Hi Chris! I recently stumbled upon your website as I have been hit hard and hurting after a recent break up with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. I have never been happier with this guy and he of course means the world to me. We have had some rocky times throughout the couple of years because I tend to cause issues (drama). I have noticed this more and more after the break up. I nag and bother him about issues that have happened and continue to bring them up instead of moving on. This tends to make him upset and frustrated. The last time we had a talk about breaking up was because I was upset he was spending time with his guy friends and continued to blow up his phone. Recently this past week, I was upset he didn’t come to something I wanted him to. He apologized over text, twice. However, I continued to just be rude and complain in long messages about how it made me feel until I finally upset him enough that he asked for a break on a Monday. I begged, pleaded, and cried. He apologized but ended the conversation with saying he needed to talk to his grandpa for advice and that he would message me later. He also said we should get dinner the next night. Well he was busy and called to reschedule. The next night he stood me up. I called him three days later and he told me he needed to work on himself and wanted to be single to not deal with anyone or anything other than him and his son (who he has with someone else. We’ve been together since his son was born..). I again of course begged and cried. He said if its meant to be it will be and that this doesn’t necessarily mean we couldn’t get back together. I realize now that I was the one who kept pushing him and would be rude over things I didn’t not agree with regarding family and the way they did things. I also lacked trust which caused me to check up on him. We have made so many memories and both him and his son mean the world to me. I don’t even know where to start. It has been almost 2 full days since he called it quits. I want to tell him that I understand why now and that I definitely have things to work on but I don’t think I should contact him. I want him to miss me but I’m afraid if he doesn’t know I’m willing to change he will move on..

  5. Avatar

    Snow

    July 18, 2019 at 7:56 pm

    Hello Chris,

    I was dating a guy for 4-5 months right after he got separated and he moved out. He then lost his job and tried to live with friends as long as he could and could not afford to file for divorce. He said he was very depressed, felt worthless, wasn’t deserving of my love, couldn’t offer me anything, that I deserved better, he was better off dying and everyone would be happy without him. Now he has moved back in with his ex because he is broke and doesn’t have any other option and wants to see his kids. He broke things off with me three weeks ago, but reached out a week later and was texting once a day. He said I miss you, I don’t know what to do, I have been listening to our songs, I wish I had money to fix everything. He lives a few states away, so I told him I would move there and he’s upset because I said I wouldn’t move when we discussed it before. Now it’s been a week and I haven’t heard from him. I found out he got a job this week too. He then deleted me off Facebook and the Apple Watch. I have not contacted him. We were friends for a year beforehand and I told him he needed to figure things out before we got together, but he promised he loved me. We went on trips together and have one planned in a couple of months, but I don’t think he plans on going. Do you think his wife made him delete me and cut off contact with me while he’s living there? Do you think they are actually back together and he’s not telling me the truth? On her profile she has not tagged him in anything or posted pictures of them.

    Thank you!

  6. Avatar

    Madi

    June 17, 2019 at 5:51 pm

    Hi, I need your help. I’m in high school and my ex dumped me about two months ago because I was immature, clingy and insecure. I made the mistake of begging him for a month and a half and of course he said no. Then I learned that he has a new girlfriend, who he started dating two weeks before he dumped me. He had already known her for a couple years before this but she goes to a different school than us. I’m being told to move on and forget him but I really don’t want to because he was one of my best friends and we were good for each other for the most part. I’ve already started no contact and I am about one week in. I’m wondering if it’s too late for no contact, and I need to know what steps to take to get him back. Thank you. Again I am in high school so I cannot purchase anything from this site, no matter how much I want to.
    — Madi

  7. Avatar

    Drea

    June 2, 2019 at 6:10 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve been reading your blog and listening to your podcasts and I’ve learned so much already. I wish I had known this information months ago when my boyfriend initially asked me for some space. We had been together for a year and a half and one weekend he told me that he needed some time to himself. I thought that meant a couple days… He reached out to me maybe a week later but I did what you say you shouldn’t do when you think you’re losing the one you love…I started begging and pleading with him, I sent him gifts and cards telling him how much I loved him, I apologized for anything and everything I could think of, and I became clingier and needier than ever. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions these past six months. He’s been in touch with me the entire time and we’ve seen each other as well. I don’t think we were broken up (I actually don’t know if we are now either since we never said the words). I know now that I have been way too much and I have been driving him away. He even tried to tell me that I was scaring him and smothering him and somehow I didn’t get it. I last saw him on our second anniversary in April. We texted or talked almost daily since then but I was the one always asking when we could get together. He would make plans with me but then have an excuse every single time. I let this go on for a month and last weekend (after yet another cancelled dinner), I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. That I was sick of being rejected and that he should let me know if he ever wants to see me. He wrote me back saying that he was sorry he kept disappointing me and that he knows I deserve more. I started no contact with him after finding your site. It’s actually helping me to feel empowered. Thing is, I don’t think he knows what I’m doing. How long do you think it’ll take for him to realize I’m not there anymore? It’ll be a week tomorrow. Do you have to tell your ex that you’re doing no contact? Will he think I’m playing a game or ghosting him? He has not reached out to me but I’ve noticed an increase in him going to my Instagram to like current photos or even old ones. I just want to make sure I’m doing this correctly so that I stand the best chance of repairing my relationship and getting my ex back, and getting back a healthier relationship.
    Thank you so much for your advice.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 3, 2019 at 3:28 pm

      Hi Drea….so it sounds like you are doing many of the right things during your NC period. If you have no done so already, give my Program (EBR PRO Bundle) a look as it dives into many of the details and provides a great deal of supporting materials to help you through this process.

  8. Avatar

    Linda

    May 26, 2019 at 4:55 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Hope you are well? My boyfriend broke up with me on the 16th of May. It would have been our three month anniversary on the 25th of May. He said that he had a lot of doubt in his head as after we were dating for a month I broke up with him out of family pressure. They did not think he was good enough for me. I realised what a mistake it was and told him that would never happen again. My family are willing to accept him and he was even planning on meeting them on the 1st of June. He said the reason we broke up was that he thinks my family only want me to marry someone from my own culture and not any other race. I have explained to him that I told my family that I will marry whoever I want and that they have accepted it. He said that he does not want to tear me away from my family. I told him that it will not happen as my family just want me to be happy. He also said that he does not like my dress sense as he finds that I wear baggy clothes a lot and it reflects on the way I was raised and he doesn’t want to change me. I told him that those clothes were my choice as I had body confidence issues and I was working through them and it was my intention to change them before I even met him. He also said that our music choices are very different as well but I told him we can compromise on that; it shouldn’t be a dealbreaker.

    Anyway, I phoned and texted him a lot about it and then finally he called me on Wednesday this week and told me he needs space.

    I am doing the no contact route at the moment as I want to give him space. However, he has been watching all my Instagram stories and today he liked a picture I posted on there.

    Not sure what my chances are with him as he is a great guy and I want us to work. I want him to know that my culture should not be a roadblock. Yes there will be cultural differences but I really want us to talk and see if we can get past it.

  9. Avatar

    Luke

    May 24, 2019 at 10:58 pm

    Hey Chris,

    Thank you for this article! My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship for 8 months, I started a huge fight with him around 5 days ago and he wanted to break up with me. I was nervous and lost my cool so I tried to convince him to stay, and I did it again the next morning. Of course it ended up badly and he was stressed out. I told him that I didn’t want to break up and we should cool off a bit, he agreed ( I guess rather reluctantly). We haven’t talked since.

    So I would very much like to apply NC on our situation, but the problem is, I have this plane ticket to visit him 18 days from now, so I could not apply a full course of 21 days of NC. Plus he was planning to go back to his home town (which is far from where he lives now) before I go, but he wasn’t so sure when. That means I will have to shorten the NC just in case he thought I had given up on us and planned the trip back home around the time I arrive. So I’m a little worried that it might work. Do you have any insight on this? Should I contact him after 14 days of no talking? Which is around 9 days from now, cause I kind of need a little time to arrange my travel. Thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 25, 2019 at 2:39 am

      I think a 14-17 day No Contact Period makes sense give the circumstances here. It is important you understand how to properly implement NC along with the other tactics. Take a look at my EBR PRO Bundle Program!

  10. Avatar

    Lola

    April 21, 2019 at 2:38 pm

    Hey Chris,

    My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a little over a week ago. We had been together for over 9 months but have been going back and forth between being together and breaking up the last few months. It started by him wanting to limit contact and asking for space, I reacted badly to that because I didn’t understand why he was doing that. After our 7 month mark he had texted me saying “the spark isn’t there anymore” after that text things were on and off for two months. I still want to be with him, I have this entire time, he’s the one going back and forth. Finally, he had just said “I’m done” over and over again but still telling me how amazing I am and everything. After our 8 month mark I decided to do no contact for 3 weeks. But, we both agreed to do it to work on things between us. When that time was up we met in person and talked, he said he had nothing to say and was still completely done with the relationship. How can he just be “done”? He even said right now he didn’t love me because of how I reacted to things going on between us. But, he was still attracted to me and had feelings for me. So, that was a little over 2 weeks ago that we talked about everything. He said he wanted to be friends but then started treating me badly and reacting badly every time I initiated a conversation. I did push a lot, I pushed him away by constantly questioning him and trying to get answers from him as to why this was all happening after the break up. Or what had changed. He has changed as a person after the break up and throughout the on and off time. We still have a Snapchat streak, which I know isn’t technically following the no contact rules but it was never conversation. Random pictures. After a few days of pushing for answers I decided to just stop talking to him. Except for the streak still going on Snapchat I’ve been doing no contact for a little over a week. Until yesterday, I decided to strike up a conversation and he continued it, we also had a full conversation this morning. He is and has been sending so many mixed signals through all of this its driving me crazy. I don’t really know how to feel about any of it. Conveniently after we broke up all of a sudden this coworker pops up in he friends and followers list. They hung out all night last night until about 4:45am this morning. Which he openly told me for some reason. I asked if she was a new friend and he said “yes, she’s a new friend” which that was me giving him the opportunity to tell me if it’s something more. I guess I just don’t know what to do next? Or what I should even do? He still isn’t showing interest. I want him back but I don’t know if anything is going to work for me.

  11. Avatar

    Ayda

    April 2, 2019 at 7:36 pm

    hi chris
    me and my boyfriend were together about 4 years (long distanced but we know each other since childhood and we kinda are relative)
    and we broke up once ago but came back with help of you and your page thanks forthat♥️
    but after year we again broke up about 2 months ago
    i immediately started NC but after it ended i was uncertain to text him so I didn’t but i had to go to the city he lives and stay there for a week
    during that time he just texted and said welcome here and NM and although we meet each other many times and were at same party but there wasnt any conversion beetween us
    now i was wondering should i go on an other NC and contact him or what
    can you help me plz
    i need this thnk:)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 2, 2019 at 9:40 pm

      Hi Ayda…sounds like you should explore striking up some text conversation to explore where things stand.

  12. Avatar

    Candace

    April 2, 2019 at 4:06 pm

    Hi Chris
    My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years moved out 16 days ago and has only told me “I can’t do this anymore”, “I’m not coming home” and “you are such an amazing woman, are strong, powerful and beautiful and will have an amazing life”. He left after we had a very big fight while we were on a family vacation. I am for sure an UG, but made some really big mistakes these past three years as well (so has he) which caused us over the course of our relationship to have about 6 very big fights. He has threatened to leave historically but never has. This time he has left (still has a lot of stuff at my house and we are joint everything and own all assets together) and has changed his banking, passwords (i.e. netflix which I use as well), etc. We had to talk last Friday to pay some bills but I have barely heard from him other than the odd text saying “I hope you are doing well”. nothing in the past five days though. Will he come home? What is he thinking or going through?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 2, 2019 at 9:42 pm

      Hi Candace…..so guys can flake out sometime and just need to go away and clear the mind. So I assume you have implemented No Contact as part of your ex recovery strategy. Feel free to check out my Program for many more details of how to proceed during this post breakup period.

  13. Avatar

    Dawn

    March 29, 2019 at 12:46 am

    Hi Chris,

    I read on your site that once the NC period is over, I should reach out to my ex. It also said that I should always be the one to end the conversation. Do I do this by just not replying to one of his texts for a few days? Or do I “announce” this in the conversation by saying something like: “…gotta go now. Have a great night!” My NC period is almost over so I want to make sure I do this the right way. Thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 29, 2019 at 10:17 pm

      Hi Dawn…I go into all these details in my epic long eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, so go take a look! There is a certain method to trying to get the communications off the ground. Think small – little moves in the beginning with a slow evolution

  14. Avatar

    Dawn

    March 28, 2019 at 11:26 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My ex-boyfriend and I dated for about 5 months. I’ve been betrayed before so I really tried to go slow so I wouldn’t get my heart broken again. He seemed so committed and told me that he wasn’t going anywhere and said that he really saw a future with me so I finally let myself fall in love with him. He told me I was amazing and he couldn’t ask for anything more. Then a week later, he broke up with me. This was 3 months ago. He said he couldn’t handle a relationship, was overwhelmed and confused, and I was too good for him. I got very emotional because it completely caught me off guard. We’ve texted back and forth a bit but I’ve always been the one to initiate. He always responds right away but usually with just a few long texts, then stops. The last time I indicated to him how frustrated I was that it didn’t look like we were still friends because I’d been waiting 2 weeks for a text back to our last conversation. He gave me a lame excuse of being busy with school, etc. I saw your site and really want him back so I’m using your NC rule. It’s been 25 days since that last text. I even went completely invisible on social media hoping that he’ll notice a change in my behavior and wonder what I’m up to. I’m wondering how long I should go with NC. I know that I should have tried this right after the break-up 3 months ago but this suggestion is brand new to me. Now I’m concerned that I waited too long to use this method. Is 30 days good, or should I go longer since I waited so long?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 29, 2019 at 10:19 pm

      I agree..taking small steps and going it slow leaves room for you to heal and grow as well as allowing your ex to reflect on what is truly important to them. NC periods usually range 21-30 days, but its different for everyone. Got check into my Program as I spend 485 pages going into a lot of details like this!

  15. Avatar

    sbp

    March 25, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    Hi Chris!
    Can you produce and article regarding signs that an ex that you have been in contact with and have remained close is pushing you away because he is interested in someone else? Thanks;)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 25, 2019 at 11:24 pm

      Thanks for the suggestion..great idea!

  16. Avatar

    Ashi

    March 10, 2019 at 11:08 am

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my bf are in a long distance relationship from last 7 months. I sent him a rude text because he wasn’t replying to my texts and we were not talking much due to a dental surgery that he had last week. I was really worried about his health and that we were not talking. He has now blocked me on Whatsapp and phone ( we aren’t connected on any other social media app) I am freaking out please help me. I don’t wanna be without him. I love him

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 10, 2019 at 9:32 pm

      Hi Ashi…ouch…so rude texts might make you feel better, but they probably don’t help in the long run. Try not to freak out anymore because that will just make things worse. Go pick up my eBook “EBR PRO” because you would benefit from having a Companion Guide right there by your side to help you with healing/recovery and those things you can do to better your chances.

  17. Avatar

    Virginia

    February 18, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I’ve been on your site for over an hour reading things, and this article resonated with me. My bf of 3.5 years hit me with the, “I don’t feel a spark” and “I love you, but I can’t get those lovey dovey feelings back as much as I want to” conversation. That was right before Christmas those words were said. He’s also going through “the lowest point in his life” and is struggling with family, his job and finding value and happiness. I went into panic and recovery mode and did the most, but he finally pulled the plug and broke things off 3/4 days ago. I have thus packed my things and am moving out of our apartment. I’ve started the NC rule. This isn’t the first time I’ve packed my things and have moved on, but this one hurts as we were just looking at engagement rings in October.

    Is there even a chance when someone says they are no longer IN LOVE with you?

  18. Avatar

    alina

    February 12, 2019 at 8:53 pm

    This guy and I got together and he had just gotten out of a relationship of four months. We were casual at first but then things got serious between us. We started doing relationship things together. I also had nowhere to live so he offered for me to stay with him. Things were really good between us, we are super compatible, got along great, no fights. Then he started to get stressed so I offered to stay somewhere else. Then we talked and he said he wanted to live a simple life and he wasn’t ready for a relationship, that things moved too fast and aggressive between us and he needed space to figure stuff out. I asked if there was another girl and he said no. Ive been giving him space, haven’t messaged him. But we hangout at the same places, with the same friends, so we see each other a lot. However, he was ignoring me for awhile until he finally said hi to me yesterday. Things were so good between us, and I just want to know how to get him interested in me again? or a committed relationship?

  19. Avatar

    Anita

    February 9, 2019 at 11:45 am

    Hey Chris, thanks for your article it’s really helped me view things differently. I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years, during this time we spent most of the time together, I admit we may have fallen out of love a couple of times over the years but we always found a way back to each other, he recently moved overseas for a masters and after some time he asked me for a break that he was going through stuff and needed the space, I didn’t give it to him tho I felt we could work through whatever it is, a month after that we finally saw and spent the Christmas holiday together, I went through his phone and noticed he was seeing this other girl, I confronted him about it and he said it was nothing and that he loved me but we was just in a bad place in his life. After I got back home we texted and had normal phone calls for about 3 weeks and everything seemed okay. One day I logged into his messenger and noticed he’s spending a lot of time with this same girl, I got mad and texted her, texted him too and made a huge scene. He apologized continuously and told me how he could never replace me and was sorry for the heart break but never said he wanted to work on our relationship. I blocked him while he was typing and started the no contact rule, it’s been 8days and I haven’t heard anything from him, please help me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 10, 2019 at 1:01 am

      Hi Anita!

      Looks like you both could benefit from having some alone time so as to evaluate what is truly happening in this relationship. If things don’t come together or at least move in that direction in the week to come, then you should consider my Program of ex recovery.

  20. Avatar

    Christine

    February 6, 2019 at 6:08 am

    Hi Chris,

    Love, love, love your article! I see a lot of truth and similarities between my ex and what you describe. My long distance relationship of over a year recently ended (suddenly in my opinion) and a big reason was due to a need for space and room to work on himself. There are obviously more contributing factors, but I know a lot of your insights are helpful in helping me see his POV. My biggest concern reading this is that I have already broken the NC rule. I’ve talked to him on the phone regarding our relationship and seen him in person since the breakup. However, he does live long distance and now we won’t see each other for a while. Is it possible to NOW start a NC period? Or is too late? Thank you!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 7, 2019 at 2:21 am

      Thanks Christine! Not too later to start NC. There are a lot of moving pieces in implementing NC to its fullest form, so be sure to check out my Program to learn more!

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