Did you know that there are two definitions of commitment?

When I started writing this “guide” I wanted to have a really clever opening. You know, something that really captured everyone’s attention. I figured the best way to accomplish this task would be to look up the definition of “commitment” so I could sound all “official” and kick the guide off. Well, when I did I was greeted with two opposing definitions and it gave me an idea which I will explain a little bit later.

First though, this page is obviously going to be about how to make your ex boyfriend commit.

This begs the question, if you are trying to get your ex back will this guide even relate to you?

Actually YES!

A lot of people rely on me for advice so naturally I see what happens in a lot of relationships on a daily basis. One of the most frustrating circumstances that I typically come across are the women who have done everything right and they STILL can’t get a guy to commit to them.

In fact, I want to extend this guide beyond just an ex boyfriend. While this site will always have an intense focus on exes this particular page can be extended to men in general. That’s right, if you are single and are having trouble making a man commit (that is not your ex boyfriend) the stuff I talk about in this page can also extend to you!

Of course, most of my audience are only interested in one thing, getting their ex boyfriend to commit to them. Well, if you are one of these types then I have good news for you.

Understanding The Two Views Of Commitment

commitment issues

As I said above there are two “official” definitions of commitment.

Coincidentally, these two definitions are perfect for what I am about to talk about here.

Right now I can make one big assumption about you. That assumption is that you are probably having trouble making a man commit to you. Look, I don’t know if it is your ex boyfriend or just a friends with benefits type of deal but the facts are that if you are interested in this page that means he probably hasn’t commited to you.

Now, before I can give you any helpful advice I think it is important to look at your view of commitment versus his view of commitment.

In other words, we are going to be taking a look at those official definitions right now :).

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Your View Of Commitment

commited relationship

The first official definition of commitment revolves around your personal views.

The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc

So, in your case you probably want nothing more than for him to dedicate himself to the “cause” that is your relationship. I mean, this is an essential part of getting an ex back so it is definitely an important piece of the puzzle.

Typically, one of the most annoying situations I encounter are those women who do everything right and still can’t get a guy to commit to them. It is annoying because they are left wondering to themselves,

“What else can I possibly do to show him that I want this to happen? Why the he** won’t he commit to me.”

It really sucks because oftentimes a guy will say that he is ready for a commitment… “just not now.” Usually he will say something like:

“Oh, I really love you.. blah, blah, blah and as much as I would love to be with you right now I am just not ready to commit. BUT maybe down the road I will be.”

I bet you are DYING for me to dissect a statement like this for you so I will.

When I was doing research for this particular problem (when a guy says he wants to commit just not right this moment) I ran into a lot of angry women experts claiming that if a man says this it means he NEVER wants to commit to you.

I am actually not entirely sure I agree with that. Yes, there will always be some men that won’t ever want to commit to you, that just goes with the territory, but I think there is some truth in the statement. Take a good look at the sample statement I provided you with right now.

A man who says this is basically saying a few things.

Firstly, he wants to have the option of having you down the road.

The “maybe down the road I will be ready to commit” part of the statement basically spells that out for you. But you want to know what I think the most interesting part of him wanting to have the option of you down the road is?

It’s the fact that this is almost a way of him asking you to “stay single” while he can go play around. Which basically means you have every right to be upset and angry with him. While I understand this can feel like a slap in the face I honestly don’t think you should get overly angry about it.

Yes, maybe he doesn’t want to commit to you right now. Well, let that fact drive you to become the best version of yourself. So, he doesn’t want to commit to you right now, ok, well that means that YOU are going to have to become someone he HAS to commit to. Which is what we are going to be exploring throughout this page.

But first, lets turn our attention to his definition of commitment.

His View Of Commitment

(Would you like to know more about EXACTLY what you need to do to make him commit to you? Check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

self defense commitment

Ah, and now we come to the second definition of commitment. This definition revolves around what your ex (or any other non-committal guy) thinks about commitment.

An engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.

When I read that definition it was as if a light bulb went off in my head. Someone who refuses to commit to you definitely views commitment (with you) in this way. Lets talk about that for a moment.

Why is it that some men have no problem committing to other women when they couldn’t commit to you?

Yep, I am asking the tough questions here.

It must feel like a punch in the gut to watch someone you clearly have strong feelings for be with someone else when they refused to commit to you. So, does this mean that all men don’t believe in commitment?

No, in fact I think 95% of men do believe in commitment. However, they only believe in it as long as they think the person they commit to is beneficial to them in some way. By this logic that means that right now YOU aren’t beneficial enough to commit to.

Yup..

Look, I am not here to hold your hand and tell you what you want to hear. I am here to help you understand how to make your ex boyfriend commit to you and the best way to do that is to look inwards with self improvement.

The Bigger And Better Deal

This is a fun little topic that I cover exclusively in my PRO System but I figured I would give you a little tease here!

What in the world is the bigger and better deal?

Men are always looking for the bigger and better deal. How can I put this in terms that you will understand.

Ok, lets say that two women walked into a bar.

One woman was an 8 on the looks scale and an 8 on the personality scale. So, we are talking about a pretty attractive woman here.

(Side Note: Remember that looks along doesn’t make a girl attractive. Personality matters just as much in the long run. However, looks still do matter.)

So, the first woman that walked into the bar scored a total of 16 (8 + 8) on the looks/personality scale.

All of a sudden, another girl walks into the bar. This girl is a 9 on the looks scale and a 9 on the personality scale. Wow, this is one high quality woman! Even I am jealous :p.

Anyways, when we add up her score we get a total of 18 (9 + 9) on the looks/personality scale.

What we have here is a “hot girl standoff.”

The 16 vs The 18

Now, if we apply what we know about men wanting the bigger and better deal which girl do you think the majority of men in the bar will choose as the most attractive mate?

Obviously “The 18” is going to win out because she is the bigger and better deal.

She has the 16 beat in looks and personality.

So, I guess the question now becomes,

“How do you become the bigger and better deal for your ex?”

Well, at one point you were the bigger and better deal (when you dated him.) However, now that the two of you are broken up you have some work to do to reclaim the bigger and better title.

You Aren’t Good Enough And Here Is Why

close enough

That is certainly a bold way to start this section isn’t it?

Here is the truth though. I am not going to sit here and tell you want you want to hear. No, I am going to tell you what you NEED to hear. So, here it is:

If you want to get a man to commit to you then you have work to do in the most unlikeliest of places, within yourself. Before you can do anything YOU have to be in the right frame of mind and that is what this entire section is all about, getting you in the right frame of mind.

Self Improvement Is Key

(Getting your ex boyfriend to commit can be tricky. If you want a step by step plan I suggest getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

I need a book on how to improve

I am probably different than any guy you have ever known before. I am not saying this to sound arrogant I am saying it because I have a very unique view on life.

You see, if I were to look at a big picture of my life I could divide everything I do up into three categories. In fact, if all of these three categories are fulfilled to their highest potential then I will truly be happy with myself and my life.

What are those three categories?

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

Every single important action (excluding free time) I take can be put into those three categories.

I like to call this the holy trinity. In fact, it’s an idea I cover a lot in my Texting Bible. Now, you are probably wondering what the holy trinity is? Lets take a look,

Health

Every time I start a workout routine I am making a conscious decision to improve the “health” aspect of my life.

I would say that many things can be included into this category.

Things like:

  • How you look (your appearance.)
  • Your hygiene.
  • What kind of shape you are in.
  • Essentially anything relating to your physical health.

Now that you have a brief overview of the “health” category lets move on to “wealth.”

Wealth

“Wealth” is a lot easier to understand because there isn’t a lot of variety in it.

This has to do with money (obviously)

In other words, how much money do you earn?

Now, probably the most impressive insight I can bring to you here would have to do with how money can affect your mental health (which you will learn all about next.) Maybe this is more of a guy thing than a girl thing but I can tell you that men pride themselves on how much money they make.

If a man who makes six figures a year walks into a room there is a certain confidence about him that is unexplainable.

If a man who can’t even cover the rent on his apartment walks into the room there is a certain uneasiness about him. The point is that if you don’t make enough money it can have an impact on your mental health and confidence.

Let’s stay with this line of thinking as we move on to “relationships.”

Relationships

Again, this one is pretty darn self explanatory.

“Relationships” have to do with the relationships that you have in your life.

Yes, romantic relationships are included here but there is more to this than the romantic partnerships in your life.

We are talking about things like:

  • Romantic relationships.
  • The relationship you have with your family.
  • Business relationships.
  • The relationship you have with your friends.

The thing that is important to note here is that “relationships” have a lot to do with your mental health.

For example, the last time you got into a screaming match with your ex boyfriend the chances are high that it really hurt you emotionally. As a result, your mental health was affected. Perhaps a better example would be someone who has a lack of relationships in his/her life.

In this case the person can become extremely lonely and their mental health can be compromised.

H + W + R = Blend Together

blending in

No doubt that is probably the weirdest title to a section that I have ever created but I promise that there is always a method to my madness.

Health..

Wealth..

And relationships…

The question that you are probably wondering is how all of this stuff relates to you, your ex and how to make him to re-commit to you.

Allow me to explain.

I have found that the three big areas (health, wealth, relationships) of anyone’s life can kind of “blend together.”

Take me for example, lets pretend for a moment that I was dating you and all three areas of my life were really firing on all cylinders.

  1. I was in great shape.
  2. I was doing really great at my job.
  3. And my relationships with you, my family and my friends were all incredible.

Then something really unexpected happened. It turns out that YOU were cheating on me..

GASP….

First off, what the heck? I thought what we had was going to last the test of time?

All kidding aside, your cheating devastated me and threw the entire “relationship” aspect of my life completely out of balance. Now, since I have already told you that all three areas of your life blend together what will happen next can only be described as a domino effect. Since my “relationships” are out of balance it has negatively affected my “health.” I have let myself go a little bit and I don’t really have any drive to work out anymore. Remember, “relationships” have a direct correlation to your mental health and your mental health can directly impact your physical health.

Of course, having my “health” and “relationships” out of balance will negatively impact me at work. So, what we have here is a trifecta of badness in which all three categories can be put out of wack by just one bad thing happening.

This is a very delicate balance we are talking about here.

Why You Aren’t The Bigger And Better Deal Right Now

Throughout this page I talked a lot about how men usually only commit to women who they view as the bigger and better deal.

Well, even though I don’t know you personally I can make a few assumptions about you. I know that you are reading this page so you are probably interested in getting a man to commit to you (probably your ex boyfriend.) Using what I have just taught you about the three categories I can also assume that the “relationship” aspect of your life is suffering which has probably caused a domino effect in the other aspects of your life.

Now, I could be completely off here but something tells me that I am probably pretty close.

The number one thing that women on this site fail to grasp is that no guy wants to commit to you unless you get all three areas of your life back on track.

It’s no coincidence that the most emotional women who tend to fail at winning their exes back are the ones whose entire life is out of wack.

The first piece of advice I can give you if you want to make your ex or any man for that matter commit to you is to make sure that each of the three major areas are back on track. While there is a lot more to making a man commit to you this is one of the biggest steps you can take and I think you should start right now!

The Problems With Making An Ex Commit To You

(If you would like to learn more about commitment please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

fear of commitment

Before we can get to the good stuff about making any man commit to you there are a few things we have to get out of the way first.

Since this page is designed for exes (but the material can be used for just about any man.) I feel the need to point out some of the challenges you will face if you attempt to get an ex to recommit to you. That is what this section is all about.

So, what I have decided to do is list the “problem” that you will probably have to face but also list it’s quick solution.

Bear in mind, these are quick solutions so if the solutions don’t work for you don’t be alarmed. There is always a bigger play you can implement.

Lets take a look at some of the problems you will face.

Problem 1- Things Didn’t End On The Best Of Terms

cant end well

Have you ever noticed how fragile relationships can be at the end?

If you say one wrong thing that thing could stick with the person for the rest of their life.

Seriously, I remember a girl once told me that I tried too hard to make things work once and even to this day that has stuck with me.

A few years ago I took a psychology class and learned something really interesting.

When you take a bullet list (seen below:)

  • Hi there.
  • This is.
  • What I like.
  • To call.
  • A bullet list 😉

The thing that most people remember is the first bullet and the last bullet. All of the stuff in between can kind of get muddied a little bit.

I think this philosophy can be applied to relationships to a certain extent. For example, after a really bad breakup you are probably going to be left with a really bad taste in your mouth. This is probably because the last thing that you remember is a really bad breakup. Never mind all of the amazing things that went your way in the relationship.

If you and your ex boyfriend had a bad breakup one of the problems that you are going to have to overcome is the sour taste left in his mouth.

I guarantee you that he is going to think to himself:

“Why would I want to commit to her with the way things ended the first time around?”

This can be a really tricky problem to overcome but it is my job to find the solution for you so here it is.

Solution To Problem 1

Right now your ex boyfriends perception of you isn’t good.

While it may be possible that he will look back to your relationship with fond memories something tells me that right at this moment that isn’t the case.

One of the common mistakes I see here is panic from women in this situation.

Women love communication. You love to talk about your day, your feelings, the latest workplace drama. The list goes on and on. Men are different though. While some of us like to communicate the vast majority don’t like to vent about their feelings.

Women who sense that their ex boyfriend is holding resentment towards them after a breakup will do everything they can to fix the situation as soon as possible. This includes things like text gnatting, call gnatting, etc, etc. The point is that sometimes the best solution to get what you want is to take a step back and remove yourself from the situation for a little bit.

In other words, the more you push to communicate with your ex boyfriend the more he may push you away.

Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is give him time to sort out his feelings which will take amazing discipline from you.

Problem 2- He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

let me love you

This is probably your biggest fear….

In fact, it’s such a fear that one of the most common questions I get about PRO is if it teaches you how to get an ex back who doesn’t love you anymore.

I mean, how in the word are you supposed to make anyone commit to you if they don’t have feelings for you anymore?

It is a valid question.

First though, I would like to explore why a guy may lose his feelings for you.

Most men won’t lose their feelings for someone overnight. It is not like they wake up one day and say to themselves:

“Hmm… I don’t like her anymore.”

Usually what can make a man lose his feelings for you is something that you do that he deems as extremely unattractive. Sure, there are men that just suddenly lose their feelings but these men are very rare and I would say most of the women reading this aren’t with a man like that.

So, what I would like to do now is talk about some of the behaviors that most men will see as unattractive. I think the best way I can do this is to talk about myself. In other words, what would a girl have to do (while dating me) for me to lose my feelings for her?

First things first, if I dated someone and she was getting drunk every day, doing drugs or just a HUGE party animal I would lose feelings for her really fast. Some guys like women who do this but I would say the majority of us don’t. Look, I am all for having a good time but there is a line that can be crossed and I honestly don’t know if I can trust someone with my heart who is drunk all the time.

This leads me to my next point.

I am probably the least jealous person. In fact, I would say, if anything, I should be more jealous because if a girl really wanted to she could crush my heart by cheating and I wouldn’t have the faintest idea because I am very trusting.

With that being said, if a girl I date is talking to a lot of guys (in person) all the time it is going to make me more paranoid than I need to be. Now, I am all for a girl hanging out with a guy friend now and then but if a girl ends up spending more time with guy friends than with her actual boyfriend I would have a serious problem.

However, probably the most common thing that gets on my nerves is REALLY overemotional women.

Which is ironic because I talk to them all day 😉 .

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say that I am dating a girl and her whole life is full of drama. Every day that I talk to her all I seem to be doing is helping her with her latest “drama.” Now, this is something I have no problem doing but if it happens every single day I am definitely going to start getting annoyed.

If I am in a relationship and all I seem to be doing is helping a person feel better all the time I don’t see how that can benefit me at all? In fact, a relationship like that is completely one sided and that really isn’t a relationship at all.

Men LOVE to feel admired. I know women better than probably any man you have ever met before so I have an idea of what you ladies need to be happy in a relationship but don’t think I am any different from any other guy out there. If I don’t feel admired in a relationship it is going to take a toll on me.

Solution To Problem 2

How in the world do you make someone fall back in love with you if they fell out of love with you in the first place?

Well, the first thing I think you need to do is identify the problem areas where you went wrong the first time around. Remember, most men don’t fall out of love without some type of reason to. So, read the section above and determine if you committed any of the “sins.”

I want you to do this for two reasons.

Firstly, I want you to understand what went wrong the first time around. Secondly, I want you to never make these types of errors again either in a renewed relationship with your ex boyfriend or a new relationship down the road.

Making an ex boyfriend commit to you if he has no feelings for you is going to be tough.

Why?

Because your main “play” to get him to commit is going to be leveraging his feelings for you or creating new feelings that make him fall for you.

But how do you do that?

Now that is a complicated question and coincidentally it is also the next major section of this guide!

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Leveraging The Power Of Feelings To Make Him Commit

(For more information about leveraging feelings grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

right in the feelings

What have we talked about so far in this guide?

  • We looked at what the two views of commitment were (your view and his view.)
  • I told you what men want to commit to (The Bigger And Better Deal.)
  • I told you the three areas of your life you need to get in order (health, wealth and relationships.)
  • Heck, I even talked about a few of the major problems that cause cause a man to freeze at the idea of commitment.

When you look at all of the bullet points above every idea that I talk about there is very “big picture.”

In other words, they all talk about what you need to do to make a man commit to you but they never talk about HOW you are supposed to do it. That is where this section comes in. Before I talk about anything I think it’s important to tell you about how important feelings are to make a guy commit.

Understanding The Power Of Feelings

cut me deep

Right now you have a lot of feelings.

Out of all of the feelings you are having right now the one that is probably dictating your actions has to be the one in your heart that keeps screaming:

“I want him back. I want him back. I want him back. I want him back.”

It is the type of feeling that never seems to go away. It is on your mind as your eyes shut and it is on your mind as your eyes open. You think about it throughout the day and sometimes it is so prevalent that you can’t even concentrate on day to day activities. Food loses its taste. Every single text message you receive that isn’t from your man makes you angry.

I am sure right now if your ex boyfriend showed up at your door and said:

“I made a mistake. I want to date you again.”

You probably wouldn’t hesitate to take him back.

THAT IS THE POWER OF FEELINGS!

Imagine if you could make your ex boyfriend or just an on again off again lover feel that about you? That is how you make a man commit to you and that is what we are going to be covering here.

Don’t Be Too Available

hey ladies

A lot of women are like me..

(God help me I just compared myself to a woman.)

I am the type of guy that has a lot of feelings when I like someone. When I was very young I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. In other words, when I liked a girl I would just let the feelings pour out and trust me it creeped a lot of girls out. It was just too much too soon. I had to learn the hard way that, that wasn’t the best approach.

I feel when you are in a situation with your ex or with a guy who you desperately want to commit to you, you revert back to this mode where your heart is on your sleeve and you let your feelings pour out.

That isn’t the best approach.

You almost have to train yourself to not be too available.

The girls that I fall for… Almost always have more going on in their life than me. In other words, I am not the first priority and they aren’t too available for me.

Are you starting to realize the difference between you and women who are successful at making guys feel something towards them?

They aren’t TOO available.

Reigniting Feelings And Creating New Feelings

feel the love

What do you think is better when you are dealing with an ex boyfriend?

Reigniting his old (positive) feelings or creating new feelings?

In the past I have talked a lot about reigniting an exes feelings for you. However, I haven’t really gone into creating new ones. So ultimately, which one of these should we be doing to get an ex to commit?

How about both?

Why don’t we work to reignite his feelings for you and also create new feelings at the same time. I guess the question now becomes,

How do we do that?

Well, in my experience reigniting old feelings can be done through texting, calling, facebook, etc, etc.

While creating new feelings can be done through those mediums it is so much easier to generate them if you see your man in person and experience something new.

So, there it is.

We are going to attack his commitment-phoebe personality with his feelings for you and we are going to do that through two ways.

Reigniting his old feelings for you and making him create new feelings towards you.

Reigniting His Old Feelings

feel into feelings

Something has to change here.

Do you know what Albert Einstein defined as insanity?

Insanity- Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Obviously what you are doing to try to get him to commit to you isn’t working so you are going to have to change things up. I want you to be a very unique person for him to talk to. Most girls talk to guys the same way. I want you to try an entirely unique approach to talking to him.

I want you to treat every text message or phone call with him very seriously.

If you plan on writing a one word text or if you plan on being a bore on the phone then leave this page immediately. You obviously don’t have your head in the right place.

Lets start with something simple.

Text messages.

What A “Re-ignition Of Feelings” Text Conversation Should Look Like:

I cover this idea exclusively in my Texting Bible. So, make sure you check that out if you are confused as to how this works.

There are two goals when you have a conversation like this with any guy.

  1. Make him feel something deep.
  2. Leave him wanting more without being too available.

I am already going to assume that you and your ex have advanced to a point where you can have a re-ignition conversation without it being “too much.” If you haven’t advanced to this point then make sure you check out my E-Book. I also want to point out that if you use the examples I give below word for word then you aren’t going to do well. The examples I give aren’t meant to be followed to a T. No, they are meant to show you how a successful conversation should look like.

With those things out of the way lets begin!

I think the best time to have a conversation like the one I am about to show you is in the middle of an existing texting conversation. In other words, if you and your man are texting back and forth but the conversation is just kind of unemotional and normal then that would be the perfect time to start a “re-ignition” texting conversation.

One more thing before I move on. During your normal conversations with your ex if he is taking forever to respond to your texts then I wouldn’t recommend trying anything like this. Wait until he is very responsive because this is as much about timing as it is about saying the right stuff.

When you determine the time is right start by sending a text like this:

beginning text

(If you need more examples like this check out The Texting Bible.)

I like this text for two reasons.

  1. The “Do you remember..” captures attention.
  2. The “No.. I shouldn’t.” is a way of testing how much your partner is interested in what you have to say.

I am always a fan of intriguing text messages. The perfect way to start any serious conversation is with a statement that could potentially drive a man nuts if he doesn’t find out. Think of it like this. If you were to say “Do you remember..” and never respond to him for an entire day that man should be constantly checking his phone. It should be driving him nuts as he goes to bed and as he wakes it up it should be on his mind.

That is how intriguing you have to make your first contact text message in a conversation like this.

Here comes the “re-ignition of feelings” part.

Think back to your old relationship with your ex. Throughout that relationship I am guessing a lot of things happened that made the two of you feel good. Sure, a lot of stuff happened that made you feel bad too but we aren’t focusing on that. I want you to think back and locate the best “feel good” memory you can think of that isn’t about sex.

A couple of things to note here.

  • This memory needs to be incredibly powerful.
  • It can’t be about sex.
  • It can’t be anything that like the first time he said “I love you” to you.
  • This isn’t even about you. It’s about HIM.
  • You need to be thinking how this memory affects him.

One thing we already know is that men love to be admired. So, we are going to leverage this fact by looking at his best experience in the relationship. If you were in his shoes and you were to ask yourself:

“What was the best thing about my time with her?”

What would it be?

THAT is the memory I want you to choose.

I have often wondered what an ex girlfriend of mine would think if she ever saw this site. While I am extremely careful to separate my personal life from this site I can’t help but think of an extremely good example using one of my past relationships.

When I think back to my last relationship I can highlight the high point of the relationship exactly to the moment.

I remember I was at her house and we were sitting on the couch watching a movie. The movie wasn’t anything special but what happened during it was. On the couch she got very close to me and started leaning on me. She was comfortable and I was comfortable. She just cuddled up to me and it felt great to have another human being consciously just want to be there to cuddle with me.

It’s not like we hadn’t cuddled before but there was something different about this..

I don’t know how to explain it but it was like this light bulb went off in my head and I was filled with this feeling of happiness, excitement, contentment and seriousness.

It was like the moment I began to realize for the first time in my life I felt completely comfortable with another human being. I felt that any flaws I had were gone and I could just be myself and the feeling was liberating.

Then she dropped a bombshell and ripped my heart out…

No just kidding, just kidding. I wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.

The point is that if you could send a text that can tap into deep feelings like the ones I gave above then you are really onto something. Here is how a text like that would work for the example I gave of my “liberation.”

cuddle

(For more text messages like this check out The Texting Bible)

This is really the moment of truth. Either he is going to bite the bait and you are going to have one of those super long text conversations or he is going to give you a negative response. If you did everything right there shouldn’t be any trouble.

Of course, there is still one more thing that has to be done.

The real trick to this is that you have to leave him wanting more. The absolute best way to do that is to cut the conversation prematurely. Lets assume you follow the directions I gave above and you yielded a positive response to the deep memory you chose.

Well, I would actually recommend that you keep the conversation going for 2-3 more texts and then after that simply don’t respond to his texts.

Will it make him mad?

Yup.

Will it leave him wanting more?

You bet your butt it will!

Do you see what I mean when I say you can’t remain too available?

Making Him Commit Through Phone Calls

 phone lion king

This is getting to be pretty long so I want to take a moment to make sure everyone is still with me here.

Beyond becoming the “bigger and better deal” the key to making a man commit to you is to re-ignite his feelings for you. In other words, make him feel so much for you that he has no choice but to recommit to you. Above I showed you a tactic you can use to achieve that through texting.

Now I would like to move on to how you can re-ignite his feelings through phone calls.

I hate to sound like a broken record but we all know that men love admiration. So again, we are going to leverage that fact during your phone call with your ex.

Talking on the phone can be very tricky for one big reason, it requires you to think on your feet. You see, when you text you can think very carefully before you hit that “send” button. Talking on the phone doesn’t give you that advantage. If your ex asks you one question that catches you off guard and you say something wrong you could screw up your chances entirely.

So, there is a little bit more on the line with phone calls.

However, I don’t want you to stress about this fact. I have talked to people on the phone a lot in my life and I have found the best way to deal with any phone conversation is to remain upbeat and positive. This isn’t meant to be stressful. It’s meant to be fun and positive.

It’s sort of like going on a date. If you go on a date and you are super nervous and you can’t think straight then that date will probably suck. However, if you are super calm and you just focus on having fun the date has a good chance of  going well.

Just try to make your boyfriend comfortable on the phone. There is no pressure. This is a no pressure zone.

When the two of you start having your conversation don’t think about saying a specific thing. I just want you to let the conversation flow. If there are a lot of awkward silences then don’t be afraid to get in there and fill them. I just want a friendly conversation to take place between the two of you. I want both of you to get your teeth into the conversation and kind of get a feel for each other.

Eventually, when the nerves have calmed down and the two of you feel comfortable talking to each other I want you to start an old trip down memory lane.

Say something like:

“Actually, I saw something that reminded me of you today. I was driving down (street name) and saw a cop had pulled a guy over. It reminded me of the time that the two of us got pulled over on our way to Colorado. Do you remember how fun that trip was (minus the cop 😉 .)”

The point of a comment like this is to force him to recall whatever trip happened in Colorado (assuming it was an incredible trip.) This way he will associate the good feelings he gets from that memory to you.

He will definitely bite if you say something like this to him. However, if he just gives you a neutral answer like:

“Ya… that was fun.”

Don’t be afraid to push him by being more specific about things that happened on the trip. You really want to force him to remember an incredible memory and associate that memory with you.

Here is where things get tricky though.

Without a doubt the hardest part about talking on the phone is the fact that when you really want to talk on the phone you don’t want to get off of it. This causes a problem because part of the goal with talking on the phone is to leave a guy wanting more.

In other words, you have to cut your conversation with him prematurely. For example, if the two of you were going to have a 45 minute conversation on the phone then I would say you should cut your conversation short at 30 minutes so you can leave him wanting more.

This is so hard to do because if things are going well your heart is going to want you to keep going but you can’t listen to it.

Trust me, I have had girls cut conversations short with me and it absolutely drives me nuts (in a good way.)

Generating New Feelings With New Experiences

be yourself

A friend of mine once told me that:

The best way to make someone fall in love with you is to experience new things together.

While I am sure there is more to love than that the quote really resonated with me. I liken it to seeing a movie for the first time.

Nothing can quite compare to seeing a movie for the first time. Sure, you can watch it multiple times after you see it for the first time and enjoy it but generally speaking, nothing is going to trump that first time seeing it. I think relationships are like that to a certain extend.

Everyone always remembers:

  • Their first kiss.
  • Their first time having sex.
  • Their first date.
  • The list goes on and on.

Imagine if you could have a new experience with your ex on a date that would cause him to generate new feelings for you.

THAT is what we are trying to accomplish here.

If you can think of an experience that you and your ex haven’t already had together I would suggest doing it. Now, I am not talking about anything sexual here. This is more emotional than anything.

If you have any ideas for new experiences feel free to leave them in the comments to not only get my thoughts on them but give other people ideas!

463 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit”

  1. san

    May 9, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    Hi good evening. My ex boyfriend and i have been communicating since october and sometimes he acts like he really wants me back. The other day on phone we were discussing and he ask me that if he asked another girl out I’ll b jealous,we always discuss he calls me sometimes i cal him. But yesterday i qas in a bus traveling he asked if am sitting next to a male or female i said male he said i will sleep on his shoulders i said “are u jealous” he said no he isnt and why should he be.So he is giving me mixed signals don’t really know and he jas been wanting to have sex aince October i have refused telling him “i can’t have sex with someone am not dating”. I dont know if my attitude is stil not okay will him necause he always complain that i am headstrong and disrespectful. Please help.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 10, 2018 at 12:02 am

      Hi San…maybe you create some space between you and your ex, applying some of the principles I talk about here so you can get past this game planning.

  2. Becky

    March 6, 2018 at 6:18 pm

    My ex and I broke up 9 months ago and for about 3 months has been talking to me while dating his new girlfriend. He says he’s unhappy but on the fence about leaving her. Recently I asked about where he was with that and he is in limbo. Also said that if he does break up with her, he would want to date me but maybe not exclusively. I feel like he went right from me to her without truly feeling the pain, and now, realizing she wasn’t the best choice, still wants to play the field. Our long distance makes things difficult for me to compete as well. I decided to focus on someone else and just stop communicating with him again. If he comes back, I need to tell him that I want a commitment.

  3. Cathy

    March 1, 2018 at 5:29 pm

    When my ex and I broke up, I was making more money, in the best shape, and had the best relationships with my friends and family thus far in my life. He, on the other hand, was struggling financially, had no friends, and seemed incredibly unhappy with his life in general. We weren’t fighting- less than ever, actually. I am confused about how I can make the info on this site apply to me and my situation

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 5, 2018 at 12:58 pm

      Hi Cathy
      When did you break up? Who broke up with who and is that the reason why you broke up? How long were you together? If thats the reason, did you tell him it’s not a problem for you? If yes, and he still wants to stay broken up, don’t talk to him because that will just make the break up easier for him and not miss you..

  4. Travis

    December 28, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    I had been seeing this guy for about 2 months. We met on a dating app and we clicked immediately. He had told me that was the best first date he had been on in awhile and we continued to see each other. Each time we met he would constantly say how much he really liked me and I would agree that I really liked him. The 3rd time I saw him he introduced me to his room mates then after leaving immediately texted me letting me know how much they liked me and approved. I had even given him a flower one time and the next time I saw him he had told me how him and his room mates talked about how sweet it was and they seemed excited over the gesture and loved it and he had out it in a vase in his room.

    It had seemed that his behavior with me progressed fast and I had asked if I could hold his hand and we started to hold my hand and I loved when he would bring me in close to him. He would make a point in always leaning on me or embrace me randomly. When we started to be intimate he would leave marks all over my neck, and was patient with me when I had performance anxiety. Then when we were done I would hold him and he would lightly stroke my arm and he ofter to let me spend the night and we slept in each others arms, I even made sure to ask if he wanted me to stay or go home and he said I was always welcome to stay and if he wanted me to go I’d know. I liked it, I liked it a lot. I never pushed this level of intimacy and had always followed his lead on this.

    I started to fall for him, but it really became clear to me the week he went to visit his father for Thanksgiving in Baltimore. I made sure to give him his space and aside from texting him Happy Thanksgiving I didn’t want to be clingy, and of course he started the texting letting me know how much he missed me and I replied in kind. When he came back I decide to let him know how I really felt about him. I made a mixtape and wrote a note telling him how comfortable I was with him and that I wanted him to know how I felt about him. I let him know that there was no pressure in returning my feelings or even giving me a response I just wanted to be honest with him.

    Then last Saturday happened…. we had made plans to see a movie and we met up everything was normal. He hugged me gave me a kiss like he always had and it was just fun catching up and telling him about my day. We went to a bar and that’s when he told me that he had a response to what I had given him. He told me how we were at the point in talking about defining our relationship and that what I had given him was sweet and it was a thoughtful gesture, but that he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship and didn’t want to lead me on and how wonderful and great of a person I am. I replied that I understood and never wanted to pressure him into anything he wasn’t ready for. In my head I was freaking out because I know I came off too strong and should of been more clear. I never asked him for a commitment and I just wanted to be honest with him. We sat there for a good 10 minutes in silence when I told him I had to go. I feel that was the biggest mistake I ever made and I tried so hard that day to fix it by texting him that o still want to see him and that maybe I need to take a few steps back and there was never an intention to pressure him. I was so terrified I have him an out of the relationship and he took it. I tried to call him but he just said he has nothing to add to what he told me at the bar and I felt defeated. The next day I cried out in pain several times , my heart felt like it had been ripped out.

    I realized what hurt me the most was that he had just cut me off like that so suddenly. I was ok with no commitment I would be lying if I said I wasn’t talking to other guys, but the fact I couldn’t explain myself and clarified my miscommunication hurt me so much. A few days later I ended up texting him how I never wanted a commitment and to change what we had been doing. I apologized for my reaction on Saturday and how I had gotten scared because I knew came off to strong and that I should of been more clear on what I wrote. I told him how I screwed up something good and that was never my intention. He replied saying I had done nothing wrong at all and that I screwed nothing up and had nothing to apologize about. That he had really enjoyed the time we spent together and how wonderful and thoughtful and great I was and how amazing it was that I had the ability to express myself when he couldn’t. He told he had had been feeling anxiety about the direction of where we were going and knew that at some point he would either have to commit or leave, how he should of been honest with how he was feeling but didn’t say anything in hopes that his mind might change. He knew when I had given him the note/mixtape we were at that point. He apologize that he wasn’t upfront and didn’t communicate what he wanted and what he could and couldn’t give me. He said it would be best if we don’t continue a casual thing or friendship but that he wishes only the best for me and that what he had told me would help. It did a little bit. But it raised more question for me. I never pushed him into anything and everything we did he initiated. I feel like it was that even though he showered me with affection and I did the same in turn he was afraid of how he felt about me and ran scared. Then I have doubts how he just lead me on he never was into me. I’ve talked it over and over and it seems like everyone I’ve talk to is surprised in this because how he treated me and his reactions to things we did.

    I still hurt and I’m trying to get over him but there are times I feel nothing and almost normal again and then I just start crying again. I know it seemed intense for two months but I never sought him out in the first place, I went into this as just fun casual dating and he surprised me a lot with how he became but said nothing because I liked it. I said my goodbyes to him but left my door open if he ever wanted to talk again in the future but I just don’t how to feel about how relationship and our break up. I don’t know how to move on. He was the first person I had ever felt a connection too and I just don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      Hi Travis,

      it hurts a lot because you’re still in the honeymoon phase.. are you going to do the no contact rule?

  5. Rachel

    December 19, 2017 at 9:23 am

    My ex and I broke up about a year ago. He thought I emotionally cheated but I didn’t. I think he finally believes me. Since then we have been on again off again but he’s never recommitted. He started seeing a girl 5 months ago while he was still seeing me but not committed to either. I did the no contact for a week and now he just committed to her. Then he showed up 2 days later and told me he still loves me and couldnt understand why i ignored him. I told him i needed time away but he refuses even though now he is in a committed relationship. He still tells me he loves me, he is confused and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. I tried to do no contact again but he lives down the street from me and everytime I do he won’t stop coming over until I talk to him or he will blow up my phone. 18 calls the other day and many text messages and he showed up twice. No matter how much I say need space or time alone he comes over. He keeps asking me if I am moving on with another guy. He obviously doesn’t love this girl or respect her and she lives an hour away. I believe he does love me and when he thinks he is losing me I’ve seen him cry. But everyone else thinks and says he is an emotionless robot. I’m not sure what to do. I have ignored his calls and messages but he will come over and i have to answer the door or he will knock until the whole house is away. (My 7 year old son lives with me) I’m not sure how to get him to recommit to me? I’ve bought your EBR Pro and I can ignore and not message him just fine. It’s him coming over and demanding and begging i talk to him. What should I do??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 9:04 pm

      Hi Rachel,

      Tell him you can’t be someone who’s also dating another person..

  6. Rayane

    October 31, 2017 at 7:39 am

    Hi there, Im looking for an advice regarding my recent situation. 2 years ago a new colleague arrived at work. He was handesome, cute and very polite. I never though I would fall for a colleague especially him being younger than me by 3 years almost ( he is 25 and Im almost 28). We started being friends but I never flirted or anything until one night after work he made it clear than he was interested in me and we kissed. It was perfect, it was on the 25th of August 2016. Few days later he asked me out on our first date and fast I would meet his flatmates, went out on double dates, did several activities. Our problem is that we would be too much into each others and we would be seeing each others at work all day at the same time, hiding it from other colleagues obviously. It became very fast too much, for him especially. One sunday like a year ago now, we woke up and he found out that his grand dad passed away. He cried in my arms and I did my best to support him but I think he got scared of me being too much into his life. After that it was never really the same, he was distant, texting less I started being the one to suggest dates and he would just say that he is busy without suggesting another day. I left him time to come back and he did slowly. Then I went off two weeks at christmas and we spent new year together with his friends, we really missed each others. The pressure with work, colleagues gossiping and handling our relationship at the same time was hard, we both hated our jobs, were working long hours etc. One week end we was back at his home, I suggested to meet on sunday night he said he had to do his laundry etc so he prefered us to meet on Monday. I went out that Sunday with a friend and found him in that exact place with a girl. He was dressed up. He saw me and just waved a hello at me and I left. He called me several times I didnt answer. The next day at work he came to my desk feeling so sorry and asked me to talk. He explained that it wasnt a date, some common friends suggested them to go for a drink and thats it. But that he never said that we were an item and that he always made it clear that we were casual. It was the first time I was told that so I didnt know how to react. Anyway I took my distances, went on gym, drinks with my colleagues, been happy. He noticed that and was always saying you look good today or have fun at the yoga. after a month we went out all together for St Patty’s day. I didnt feel well that night seeing him talking with other girls so tried to leave, but he ran after me. We talked during two hours that night explaining our feelings and how scared we were. He asked me to stay at his place as it was late and we were 5 mn away. We didnt do anything he just hugged me so much and we slept. After it started again slowly , we dated again, were going out together. We went on two weeks off seperatly when we came back we met straight away and were feeling happy, he came to Paris with me to meet my best friends and hang out with us on a week end. I got the privilege to be the first one to ride at the bike of his motorbike, he never took anyone expect his mum. He took me to Bath in England to visit his university it was a perfect day. All was well he was doing plans and all of a sudden he gets scared and go backwards. At this period we were really not happy at work. Everyone knew about us as we would spend our lunch together everyday. We started having interviews and were supporting each others. I would leave a postit on his desk saying good luck , he would text me. And we both got new jobs in different companies. It was great. I had to give my notice a month after him so he went on leave by himself with his bagpack. I eventually joined him for few days. We were happy but I could see something was wrong like if he didnt want to seem as him having to do a boyfriend duties. One day at lunch he told me that he told his mom that this christmas he would bring a +1, I was so happy. The same day during dinner he talked about us and what we are and that he didnt feel like telling me that he is madly in love and wants to move in together. that its been almost a year and we didnt move forward. I said that it was because of work but now it would be a new beginning for both and we could start again. We get along so well together, we laugh, we joke, we are so attracted to each others, we hug we kiss. That day we fighted at the end I said ok im not gonna beg you. But still we kissed hugged slept together and carried on our trip in Italy. After 2 days it was time for me to go back and for him to carry his trip. I left him some space, he texted me to see how i was and the day he started his new job I didnt text, he texted to let me know how it was and invited me for dinner that night. It was all back to what it was. We love each others so much even if he doesnt really admit it. Eventually that week, again he disappeared on the week end and I got very mad. I wrote him a goodbye letter. I expected that he wouldnt do anything and just let me go. But he didnt he called me straight away came to my house to discuss and tell me that he is just not ready to let me in his life 100 %, that maybe in the time being we should try and be friends . That i deserved the best. That day I said ok lets be friends. he invited me to a birthday party, I went, everyone loved me even his uni mates and most important we could see that he wanted me there. He would look at me, ask if everything is okay, put my favourite song and make me dance. We ended up kissing and spending the night together. after it was his birthday I organised for him a surprise pique nique in a park next to his office he really loved it and said I made his day. the next day it was my leaving drink, he came even though he left the company already. Our colleagues offered me a spa for two suggesting ofc that the second person would be him. He asked me to stay at his place that night as it was my last night before my month off. It was perfect hugging, kissing laughing. I went on my month off thinking that it was just over and I had to move on. But he kept on texting me, saying that he misses me asking when I was back. The day I came back he came home straight away and kissed me like someone who missed his girlfriend. We started again, I didnt ask what was happening , I let it go. We werent working in the same company anymore and it was all good seeing each others 3 times a week and eventually spending the week end together. He met my close friends here in London, I went on a guys golf trip with him and he felt happy. My issue was that as he isnt really good at texting I got a bit paranoiac when we werent together thinking that he was with someone else and he was playing with me again. I would text him did you sleep at home or enjoy your date and he panicked I guess. I eventually apologised trying to explain. He stepped back again and last week we only met once. it was great as always but in the morning I asked him are we spending the week end together ? He said i dont know my plans yet ill text you during the day . And he didnt. Texted me just a random pucture of his hair cut that night. Next day still nothing so I decided to talk to him. I texted him to let me know when he can talk. He facetime me straight away he was on his sofa watching a documentary. I told him that I cant anymore with this situation, one day everything is perfect the next day it is not. I dont feel loved, he said he felt pressured he doesnt like it he likes his own space and that he is still not ready for the commitment that I want. I said but it was all going well, i explained my point of view saying that im happy for him to spend the week end away from me but that he should just say so I do my own plansm he replied that he expected me to do my own plans anyway. That moment I though that even though I love him so much I had to stop because he doesnt want to commit to me and I couldnt live with it anymore. What I want is to do plans, to organise our weeks, to communicate. I told him I wanted someone who wants to share his sofa with me instead of preferring to spend his time alone. He said I deserved so much better than him, that Im a beautiful person inside and out that he is an asshole, that its our age difference, that it is normal that I want something serious but he cant do that now. So I said goodbye and he said I dont express my feelings you know me but right now im very sad. The next day he texted me that I do deserve the world and that he is sorry for not being able to give that to me. And that he would like to see me when the dust has setlled down, and That he will miss me. I didnt reply to his text. I feel a huge loss inside me because this guy when with him was making me happy and a better person and I know he was happy too. What I want from him is more prooves that he likes me and that he wants me. When he doesnt reply to my texts or disappears one day, it drives me crazy because i just remember that episode when i found him with a girl. He was doing plenty of efforts but I cant be available forever. Now it is the first time that we havent spoken in 4 days, neither met. I want him to realise that he lost me because before I was always there. What would you recommend to do ? keep the no contact ? He is a big part of my life and I just want his happiness as I told him and what I wanted it was us being happy together…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 8:00 pm

      Hi Rayane,

      Yep, do at least 30 days

  7. Bashola Toyin

    October 24, 2017 at 6:34 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me in June this year saying he wld prefer we remain good friends as being lovers will be a complicated one for us.. I went into NC immediately and re-initiated contact after 30 days. I initiated our convo for the first 2 weeks post NC. Then he took over. He initiates more than I do now. He comes to see me at least once a week. We chat every single day with him doing most of the initiation. I cook for him sometimes at his requests. Then, I noticed he’s trying to work on things I complained about whilst dating.
    He’s more attentive, patient and caring now.
    Let me point out that even whilst dating, yes, we used to make out sometimes but I never allowed sex. We dated for about 6months. Recently, he’s hinting at us making out sometimes as he’s been resisting just grabbing me. He says he really liked me, that I’m a good babe. I don’t have a problem with that as I don’t want to be friends with benefits. I need to know if we will be back to dating.
    Let me say this. He was married for 17yrs but the marriage ended on a bad note about 4years ago. The divorce became final last year. He’s at The lowest point of his life right now because he’s very broke. His business is not going as well as It used to. So he says restarting is his focus at the moment. Yes, he needs a woman, but he needs to remove the source of his strain/frustrations first.
    He recently invited me on a two day trip but I politely declined citing an excuse. I need to know where this is headed. Pls what do I do?
    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 6:05 pm

  8. Anon

    August 31, 2017 at 3:19 am

    Hi Amor,

    Couldnt post on the https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/my-ex-boyfriend-and-i-still-hook-up-how-can-i-get-him-to-commit/ page so I’ll try here. I’ve read all the articles on how to make an ex commit.

    After NC I had slowly been in contact/hanging with ex alone and as a group. Was briefly fwb at the start but cut it off after two weeks and then did NC again, I think.

    A month ago, said he missed and liked me (not love), thinks he made a mistake etc etc… Since then we have agreed to see each other and see how it goes. I should have waited for him to ask me out… but I ended up asking if he wanted to try again/date me/be my boyf something along those lines. He suggested “seeing each other” w/o the bf/gf labels. Been on a few dates. Tried to not sleep with him by saying lets take it slow until we are “official” but he said why wait since it was a big part of our previous relationship and said he isnt currently in it just for the physical aspect but emotional too which is why its different from fwb. He doesnt think there is a difference with sleeping together now as opposed to when its “official”. So we are currently being physical.

    Guess what I am trying to ask is, how can I get him it make it official and commit? We are keeping it secret from friends until its official. 1) we dont know how to face them. 2) we dont want outside opinions incase they say may not work out and 3) to avoid any awkwardness in the case we end this before we are official. He was pondering about telling our friends and family again last week but then changed his mind quickly after. It is very certain right now that we are not bf/gf. Im still trying to have fun with increasing his feelings towards me. He’s noticed the changes I’ve made since the b/up.

    Also, sometimes he will initiate contacting me first. But most times if I dont start a convo, may be more than three days until he does. Should I get into a mini NC or just wait until he contacts me?

    I am going away on holidays in a few weeks so how should I handle being apart? Would it make him miss me?

    I thought I was pretty much over him and was moving on but then this all happens and I feel like I’m kinda lost again but now I do want to try make it work.

    Thank you!

    1. Anon

      September 5, 2017 at 7:28 am

      Thanks Amor.

      So I did what you said and he said he’s not sure if ready. Want some more time so suggested talk after my trip away. I didn’t want to see like pressuring him or setting a deadline. I’m not holding my breathe but at least I tried and he knows where I stand – to move on and cut my losses if we don’t want the same thing.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 8:44 pm

      now, you have to be true to your word. That’s a natural reaction from him, he’s trying to keep while still not committing.

    3. Anon

      September 2, 2017 at 8:49 am

      And would this essentially be giving him an ultimatum? :/

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 4, 2017 at 7:33 pm

      if you want to, you can try it. Don’t put it like an ultimatum, say it like you realized the current situation is not workable for you, so, you’re moving on. You’re not going to say, “If you don’t commit, I”ll be moving on.” You are moving on, if he says he changes his mind and he wants to commit, tell him, it would be better if you prove it first. Because given the situation, you don’t want to fall for another verbal promise only.

    5. Anon

      September 2, 2017 at 8:00 am

      You are right…

      He has told one of our close friends since my message to you but that was because this friend caught us out on a date and said would keep it secret for us.

      I should still go with your above advice right?

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 7:38 pm

      Hi Anon,

      Sorry, you are friends with benefits.. You’re not official, you’re keeping it from friends and you’re slepping together.. Frankly, if you really want a guy to commit, dont give him the things only a boyfriend gets.. If I were you,I’d talk to him, tell him you made a mistake by allowing the current situation to happen because you lost self respect by allowing it.. And that you need time to fully move on for now..If he says, he agrees to being official and you’re not going to hide it from everyone anymore, good for you..if not, restart nc, do it one last time and do everything right.. If it doesn’t work, move on..

  9. Alison

    August 25, 2017 at 10:07 pm

    Hi there,

    A couple days ago myself and the guy I was dating broke up. We have been seeing each other for just over 8 months but I wanted him to commit fully (IE: with the boyfriend and girlfriend title). But due to his very sad past (including the loss of his parents at a young age and unstable upbringing) he has never witnessed or learned how to be in a relationship or take that step with someone emotionally. He was always faithful and acted like a boyfriend should, but every once in a while he would become overwhelmed and need a few days of NC to regain some independence that he’s so used to. It’s been a difficult road because we were both hoping that if we spent more time together then he would eventually be able to develop the courage to take that step but it seems to have been unfruitful. He wants to be in a relationship with me, I believe he has very strong feelings for me (neither of us are in love per say but we had very strong feelings) but after being together so long and him not being able to commit to me how i wanted, he ended it. We decided that we would take time away from each other so that he could focus on himself in order to fix this commitment issue and that i would’nt be “lead” on or “waiting” for him. In truth, it didn’t feel like I was being lead on and I have no ill feelings towards him because he has been trying very hard to overcome his fears. Anyway, now it has been a couple of days since we broke up I’ve noticed that he is not reacting very well to the break-up either. He is still texting me very frequently (during our “relationship” he would message less often, around three times a week or thereabouts whereas now he is messaging me throughout the day!) and is still quite emotinally involved with me (flirting ect). I don’t know what I should do. It’s a complicated situation where neither of us wanted to end things but we needed to in order for us to get the “title” that I needed in the relationship. Usually I would end contact but I don’t want to discourage him from helping himself since I am partly the motivator for it. I don’t want him to give up hope of getting back together with me but I’m also aware that talking could pro-long the “mourning” phase of a relationship and make it harder to move on potentially. What should I do! Any help is GREATLY appreciated!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2017 at 12:56 pm

      Hi Alison,

      do you want to try the advice above?

  10. April Ng

    August 15, 2017 at 5:36 am

    Hi,

    We were in a committed relationship for 5 months and we broke up a week ago, it was a mutual breakup though he asked for it in the first place. We both agree to remain as friend yet we did not contact since we broke up. Except we played a game together with his friends. But we did not talk to each other.

    The day we broke up, he did send me a text telling me he is home safely which I think he is just being respectful and responsible. I did not reply.

    The reason we broke up is because we could not felt the sparks anymore. The sparks has gone one month ago, I initially thought that he is facing a lot of trouble on works and he is busy with his new projects. Therefore, I felt distant from him.

    I been hot and cold to him during the stage as I didn’t want him to feel that I’m the only one who is eagerly want to feel love. Yet, he told me he is confused about his feelings towards me. He isn’t sure if the feelings is love or just like me as a friend although he still get jealous. Which confused me too.

    He even said at the moment, he is at the win situation where breaking up with me is what he wants and I’m at the lose situation cause I didn’t want to breakup. He said he might be regret in the future for letting me go but AT THE MOMENT, he just want to be single. I asked if one day he realised he still likes me, what will he do. He said he can’t make any promise as we can’t make sure we can reignite the sparks. But he say he will take action if he really find it back.

    I really hope that we can reignite the sparks and have him chase me back again, but not in a mean time, I wanted things to go slow. I don’t wanna rush things now.

    I’m going through a no contact rule but I’m quite afraid that he won’t initiate the contact although I can felt that he is being active in the game trying to make contact (or perhaps I’m thinking too much) And of course, I want him to be the first to make the move as he is the one that wanted to break up.

    We both actually were moving things too quick, the first day he met me he has already falling in love with me and trying to get my attention. Yet, I felt nothing towards him and we went out with his friends. I started to feel I can give him a chance and we started to date and after 3 weeks of dating, we are officially together as lover. We make love after a week together, and we make love every week since then. But we started to have no sex 3 months before we broke up, I asked him why and he said he didn’t want me to feel that he want this relationship for sex. Which I can tell he truly love me in the first place and the sparks gone.

    I really wanna get back with him, because I think we can reignite the sparks and be a happily couple. I wanted to get help from you, I’ll be really thankful and appreciate if you could help.

    FYI, I still can get along with his closest friends.

    Thank you so much.

    Regards,
    April

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 15, 2017 at 11:12 pm

  11. jen

    July 25, 2017 at 7:58 am

    Chris your a genius! i sent my ex a message before i went to sleep the other night just simply saying that i hoped hed had a better day today i got a standard answer so said that id messaged cuz i saw something that reminded me of him so ended up seeing how he was…then i went to sleep he messaged when he woke up asking what i ignored it 20mins later i got what reminded you of me it was clearly bugging him and we then ended up talking for the rest of the day until early hours of the morning….good…now for the part i need help on he says he still thinks about me misses me got jealous when i said another guy was asking me to go for a drink however he said “but i dont want to be with anyone im happy on my own”….we ended up in abit of a sexual conversation and if i had said come round he would of been at my door within minutes! i ended the convo with the idea we would hook up for sex but never said when. what do i do next? is it just about the sex and thats it? i had alot of drama in my life near the end of our rel so it was all negative which he said he couldnt cope with but its all sorted now and im alot more positive so am i right in thinking i need to meet up and show him this new confident positive me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 4:03 pm

      that’s good that you’re talking again but avoid doing it the whole day. Always be the one to end the conversation at high point. Don’t rush.. especially if it’s like that, that he’s not wanting a relationship but will jump at the opportunity of sex, you will end up being friends with benefits if you rush things. You have to build more interest in him.. let him chase. let him be the one to wonder if he can get you back.. keep having your own life while you’re slowly building rapport with him.

  12. Lynn

    May 10, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    Hello,

    I met a guy back in December 2014 and we hit it off instantly. Our first phone conversation that night lasted like 7 hours and we talked like that for weeks. Our first date lasted 24 hours, he spent the night, but we did not have sex. We were very smitten with one another. He was starting his lawncare business, so when the weather got warm, he was really busy. Also, by then, he told me that he did not want to have a committed relationship because most of his relationships had ended because he could never devote enough time. We ended up stopping talking for a little over 6 months. Around Feburary 2016, he contacted me, told me that he missed me and had never really thought about wanted a serious relationship until he met me. We have been doing the “on/off” thing for a while. The last 5 months we have been spending alot of time together, we talk on the phone for hours and he shares all his hopes and dreams with me. He just still does not want to be in a committed relationship. It is very confusing. He told me that he is in a dark place right now (he does have alot going on…lots of betrayal from family and friends). I told him that I respect his decision, but it was time for me to move on. On Friday, we met and talked…it was sad because we were saying goodbye, he said he did not want to lose me, but he cannot give me what I need right now. We spent the night with one another and then I left that morning. No shouting or disrespect, just sadness. He called me while I was going to work and we talked another two hours. I went into NC the next day. He sent a text asking me to remind him of something we had spoken about previously on Sunday, I did not respond. Sent the same text on Monday evening, I did not respond. He called me at work on Tuesday, I did not answer. I am just nervous that I am pushing him away by going into NC. I feel like he will think I have left him like everyone else in his life. We got along great, I am just looking for commitment. Am I doing the right thing? Can NC help me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 7:58 pm

      nc helps increasing your chances.. but what you really need to ask yourself is, who do you want to be for him? Just a friend or a girlfriend? He’s the one who broke up with you, if he really wants you beside him, why would he do that?

  13. shayla

    March 18, 2017 at 4:00 am

    I started the NC rule a couple days ago with my ex but since then he’s been calling and texting me. We were having casual conversation right before i implemented the NC but was very distant. Should I write him back telling him i need space right now or should i continue you the NC and just fall off the face of earth right after we had a discussion on the phone a few nights prior? I dont want to be rude and ignore him when in all honesty he didnt do anything wrong but i do need him to see that he cant take me for granted. Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2017 at 6:03 pm

      Hi Shayla,

      when and why did you break up?

  14. Kirsty

    February 14, 2017 at 9:21 am

    Me and my ex started dating when we was 18 it was defiantly love at first sight and every date we went on he would always ask me out, he even said I love you on a few, although I thought it was too soon we got together 2 months after we went and went on several dates. Our relationship was perfect but after around almost a year I was going through a lot of problems and often moaned or pushed him away. He eventually dumped me and I cried for weeks on end. 3 weeks later he got back into contact and said how he was stupid, that he loves me, but I just need to change. In which I did I became the old me again the real me, we got back together and was together for another year and a half when he broke up with me again (December 13th 2016) we are now 21 I cried again and was completely heart broken, he said he’s head was everywhere and he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. I did the no contact rule and on the day I dropped he’s stuff off (just under a week from the break up) he said he wanted to try again, the next day he texted me saying sorry and that he doesn’t wanna try again and he’s sorry he’s hurt me. 2 days pass I get another text saying he can’t stop thinking about me and can we go on dates and see how it goes just so he knows for certain he’s doing the right thing. After thought I agreed. He kept asking me back out and said how much he loves me but I kept telling him to stop and that we won’t get back together just yet. 9 weeks of dating have now passed and he’s texting me this morning saying he don’t think he wants a relationship, and that I can stop talking to him if I want too he will understand and that it’s nothing to do with what iv done. I rang him and spoke to him and I said I felt the same as I’m scared of getting hurt. He said we will talk about it all tomorrow face to face. I have already booked a hotel room for us for tomorrow, I don’t no what to do anymore I’m completely heart broken and scared that I’m always going to be there waiting for him. Throughout the 9 weeks he’s been paying out for a lot and paid for most dates as I’m in a bad place with money atm. He said he wants to think about himself and sort he’s money situation and I should sort my own i don’t no if he’s thinking if we no longer see each other he will save money and we can sort our problems out but I’d rather sort it out with him then without him

    1. Kiesty

      February 21, 2017 at 9:06 am

      I feel like iv completely ruined it. Started no contact straight away, went gym and shopping etc. Yesterday he texted me a really angry message because I liked one of he’s mates photos on Facebook and he told him. I didn’t think at the time, I was just scrolling down and happened to like it, thought nothing of it but he texted me saying was disrespectful it was to him, I said sorry and that I unliked it and deleted he’s mate and we left it as that. Now he’s texted
      Me again this morning saying how angry he is that I did that and the more he thinks about it the more it gets to him that iv done that and he said he thought we left it on good terms, he also said it’s made it easier for him to get over me. I’m so upset I feel like iv ruined everything now

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2017 at 11:21 pm

      that’s ok.. just restart the count because worrying won’t help..

    3. Kirsty

      February 18, 2017 at 8:35 pm

      Thank you, I’m defiantly going to start the no contact rule and work on improving myself and looking after myself. It’s hard, he even texted me yesterday seeing if I was okay.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2017 at 6:41 pm

      You’re welcome.. that’s a good sign.. You can do it.. Make the most of nc because after that you would have to juggle improving yourself while rebuilding rapport with her..

    5. Kirsty

      February 17, 2017 at 6:03 am

      We met Wednesday and he both broke down and cried to each other and he said he doesn’t want to loose me, and kept asking me back out and said it’s a wake up call for him because he doesn’t wanna be without me in he’s life, but I said no because he constantly keeps changing he’s mind, he said when he’s with me everything’s perfect and he has no doubts but when he’s home on he’s own he starts to doubt things. He called the whole thing off yesterday over the phone and said he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore and that he will always love me. Will the no contact rule make him move on from me as we’ve broken up now twice and tried to make it work the past 9 weeks? I don’t want him to move on and forget about me

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 17, 2017 at 2:08 pm

      he’ll probably change his mind again because it’s been like that for too long.. and he’s thinking what you’re thinking but on his side, he knows its because he’s being hot and cold..so, leverage that by improving yourself..make him regret more by being a better person..if he moves on, then take it as a restart and continue to slowly build rapport..

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      Hi kirsty,

      this time, are you willing to stick to a 45 day nc?

  15. Amanda

    January 9, 2017 at 3:46 pm

    I have the boyfriend recovery PRO and have read it .. however I would like to run this by you. I have been seeing a guy for 1.5 months. Very affectinnate he asked me on date 1, we went Christmas shopping, he’s made me dinner and I’ve spent some time at his house. I postponed having a sexual relationship. I got him a Christmas gift and spend time with him and things felt different after that. I backed off and he sought me out. We continued to talk. We agreed to hang out this past weekend and on Saturday night – I had a little too much to drink…so did he …and because we didn’t end up hanging out I text him I was done (very mad at myself) .. he said he wasn’t and didn’t want to be. I corrected myself and said I didn’t mean it just needed to know he cared. Next day I text him apologizing for how I spoke to him, his reply was ‘it’s whatever’. (?) I explained that I didn’t mean what I said that it was out of frustration at not getting to hang out anduring came out with drinks. Said I would still like to get to know him if he was still wanting to.

    He told me he and his ex broke up 3 months ago and she was really awful to him and he didn’t want to get in a relationship where he was going to be yelled at for things he didn’t do again (meaning my frustrated messages). Said I am an amazing individual and he really likes me and loves spending time with me but knows for a fact he isn’t ready for a relationship until he gets himself straightened out and doesn’t feel it’s fair to make me feel led on. I replied “it’s cool…we can still be friends” and he said “I’d like that!”
    Now I know every guy is different, that it could be a gentle way of letting me go, it could be that he really just doesn’t feel ready and realized that when we started getting closer (he wasn’t avoiding me at all and had continued to text me every night and tell me good morning). I know the only way to really know is to ask him but I’m taking him at what he said. To me it feel like he isn’t telling me to go away…based on what I’ve read in the past I should no contact him right now … no social media posts for a minute and no texting to say hi just to let him realize that he let me go with the hope that he does care about me and misses me.
    Do you agree? Then build a friendship with him after some time…..
    I guess I’m wanting your view on what to do since this is so fresh (yesterday) and there isn’t any major negative between us and he may still have feelings …

    1. Reshma Navin

      June 17, 2017 at 5:02 am

      Hello Amanda,
      After reading your story, I felt the urge to reply as I am in the same situation few years back.
      You mentioned that the guy you were seeing just broke up with his ex 3 months ago, and based on the time elapsed of going out with him, it is very common especially in my country here in Europe that men easily go on rebound, hooking up with a woman back to back after a bad breakup. It is likely that your case fell on the rebound relationship and being the rebound really sucks. I can feel your sentiments as my situation is very much similar to yours.
      I tried my best to connect with my guy after implementing no contact for 30 days (almost 45 days even) and after knowing that he is dating and spending more time with his ex, excruciatingly killed me, I was devastated and broken into pieces. I was told by my ex boyfriend that he really loved his previous girlfriend and considering YET a reconciliation anytime with her since 2 years of their relationship was full of good memories ..again I felt I was stabbed deeply as twice.
      After reading several articles on the website, I learned how to let go since you can’t really force a man to commit if he is not ready into it. You would always feel used and abused by emotionally unavailable kind of guy like I was. My advice, find another man that you deserve…who is worth your time and love.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2017 at 7:18 pm

      Hi Amanda,

      what happened reminded him of the bad things with his ex and made him think you are the same with her.. So yeah, do a no contact rule..maybe just 21 days

  16. Alison

    January 8, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    My now ex and I we’re dating for about 5 months or so. Recently I broke up with him because I started to have trust issues. Mind you this is an ex from my past as well. Anyways after some days to think I reached out to him asking if we could talk. He responded angrily saying no. He kept responding to me so I assumed something was still there. I asked him if he was certain he didn’t want to try and that I wouldn’t be reaching out this way if I didn’t think it through. Acknowledging that I too would have some work to do. Though not in those exact words. He did not respond to that final text. Few days later I get 2 missed calls from him back to back. I didn’t think he would call so I wasn’t looking out for it. I did call him back and he answers immediately. The conversation is calm and OK. More about what he’s up to that day. He was dealing with a family hardship. I wanted to give him a complement so I let him know that for a person who goes through a lot, he does a good job holding it together. (He does). Little did I know it triggered something. He kind of snaps at me and asked me why I didn’t call him back sooner? I guess he wanted to see me. I told him that just because I didn’t call him back so soon, isn’t because I’m ignoring him. When we were in a relationship our calls were almost always answered and are callbacks were sooner. Anyways, during the conversation I notice that he’s happy to talk to me. Knowing this I ask him if he’s happy. I can practically hear him smiling through the phone. He admits yes. Eventually he asks me what I’m doing and if he can come stop by to see me real quick for a hug. Unfortunately I was leaving the house and told him I would not be home. I then noticed him getting irritated. If the timing wasnt perfect, he had a family member on the other line calling him. So I let him go. For the rest of the day and the day after I didn’t hear from him. So I followed up with him the day after that. Maybe I shouldn’t have but I left him a voicemail saying hi and that I hope he’s doing OK. But nothing. The next day, perhaps another bad move, I texted him saying Good morning and asking if there was a chance we could meet up. . Again… Nothing. It’s been about a week, which I know isn’t that long. . . But at the same time I’m used to talking to him often. What have I done wrong here?

    1. Alison

      January 8, 2017 at 11:51 pm

      How should I proceed?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2017 at 3:51 pm

      do you want to try the advice above? of you’re going to do the no contact rule, make it atleast 30 days and be very active in improving yourself

    3. Alison

      January 8, 2017 at 11:44 pm

      I guess what I really want to know too, what should I do now?

    4. Alison

      January 8, 2017 at 11:42 pm

      Is it too late?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 11:33 pm

      Hi Alison,

      you kept talking to him instead of just doing the no contact period

  17. Niks

    December 11, 2016 at 10:19 am

    Hey,
    I and My boyfriend started off casually. But soon our relationship turned into serious one. We broke up in summer after his parents denied our relationship. I confronted his parents against his wish they turned against and we broke up. His dad had a heart trouble next day and was hospitalized, so we dint even stay in touch for six month. Post that, I again got back after i got to know about his friendliness towards another girl. That chapter was done and dusted, she got fixed for marriage with someone else and he came out somewhat clean. Now he is again started seeing girl of his parents choice. I stopped communication since i realized this wasnt going anywhere. His parents clearly were just killing it and he was obliging. After 10 days of not talking to him, he has blocked me everywhere on whatsapp, instagram, etc. Dont understand why he had to do that when i was not even calling him or pestering him with calls. I maintained my dignity and just backed off. But he dint had to be that harsh/ rude. Please help. Also kindly note that i dint call him even after knowing that he has blocked me. Though it did hurt a lot and moreover that got me thinking,

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2016 at 6:42 pm

      Hi Niks,

      how old are you both? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  18. Gia

    December 7, 2016 at 6:25 pm

    Hi,
    So we were in a serious deep relationship for a year but then we broke up because I badly betrayed his trust(not cheated with some man or anything but had to lie about something for a long time). Now,in this 1.8 yrs time,ever since we brokeup,we never lost touch.We’d continue with the texting once twice a week and once in a while phone calls. We ended up making love twice during this period but now we both refrain. We have fought a lot in this period each time he put me down,or because I ask him either about us,me,love,relationship,feelings etc basically anything which has emotions and feelings hasn’t gone well with him at all ever since we brokeup.
    Now,things had seemed to have improved this yr since september. After such a long time he was the one who started calling me (after the breakup it was mostly me who’d initiate the phone calls) and the talks would last for an hour or even more at times. The thing is,even though he still calls me ,texts me,not once in these 1.8 yrs has he complimented me or have I gotten to hear anything positive about me or us from him. It is very evident that he’s still holding grudges(but will never admit) but sometimes this behavior makes me feel as if he’s just emotionally using me. Day before he called me at night and we ended up talking for 2 hrs and it was a great talk,we connected ,shared and laughed so much.However,we ended up having a fight yesterday again when I asked him what do I mean to him and why does he still call me.He said theres no reason why he calls and talks to me and said i musn’t misinterpret it because he can talk the same with anyone and that I’m not special. It got me mad and I told him that it means I am just a fish in his hook till he finds someone else.He replied “you’re free to assume whatever you want.I am done correcting you always.As far as future is concerned,only time can tell because assurances of the present have only resulted in failures of the past”.I just said how stupid I was for asking him that question to begin with since I was just hoping to hear something positive and sweet but got burned again.Then I told him bye and he wished me “have a great day” and that was it.
    Is it really that he’s just emotionally using me or anything else?What can I do now after our last night’s fight?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2016 at 11:18 am

      Hi Gia,
      it’s been a year, if he wanted to get back with you, he should have. It looks like he just friendzoned you.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  19. Skye

    November 28, 2016 at 10:22 am

    PLEASE HELP!!!!!
    So I was in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 months, and he broke it off saying that something felt “off.” We decided to stay friends, and he was pretty stiff and awkward around me for awhile since then. However, recently he’s been getting closer with me. I started getting confused once when I asked him to teach me how to snowboard. He said yes and that afterwards when we’re cold, we can make hot chocolate and watch movies. I started wondering if he meant for that to sound so romantic, but a little later I got even more confused.
    I already struggle with depression and anxiety, and I have a bad habit of cutting myself to cope with panic attacks. It doesn’t happen often, but one night it did and I found myself calling him in tears at 3 in the morning to help me. When he told me he was at my apartment, I realized I didn’t want him to see me like that so I told him nevermind. However, I left the bathroom and found that he had let himself in out of concern. We stared at eachother for a moment, and he saw the blood on my arm. Without saying anything, he walked across the room and hugged me. He took me back to his house and treated my wounds. He even wrapped my arm up in gauze for me. Then we just sat there, him rubbing my back and listening to me talk about things. Eventually, he told me there was a movie he wanted me to see and made hot chocolate and popcorn before putting it on. Somewhere throughout the movie, he suddenly wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him so that we were cuddling. He held my hand as well and rubbed it with his thumb. I was super confused after this night and wondered if that meant anything or if he was just comforting me.
    However, just a couple nights ago I was watching a movie alone with him again. We again started cuddling and holding hands. This time, when the movie ended we didn’t move. We stayed wrapped up around eachother and fell asleep. After some amount of time, we both woke up and somehow started kissing. That kiss turned into a full on heated makeout session. When we finished, he just stared at my face in this way he did when we were dating. I always loved when he did it, because I could see all the emotion clearly in his eyes and face. He looked at me in that mesmerized way and would kiss me again. This happened for awhile before we finally got up to leave. He initiated holding hands with me during the car ride, and when we arrived at my apartment there was that awkward moment where you don’t know how to say goodbye or what to do. Hug him? Kiss him? I didn’t know what to do, and he was giving me that look again. So I opened the door and started getting out, but he still had my hand and pulled me back to kiss me one last time.
    I went into my apartment, and about a half hour later, I got a message from him. He started apologizing to me for taking things too far. He called himself an idiot and said he had very little self control, that he just got caught up in the moment and the memories and let himself go. But that he still wants to just be friends and doesn’t think we should get in a relationship again at the moment.
    I also don’t think we can get together right now since it’s only been about 5 months since we broke up, and we’d just run into the same problems right now. Those problems being that he felt like there was something missing between us, and he felt like he couldn’t be fully committed to me as much as I deserve. He also said that as great as it would be to get back together now, it wouldn’t work out. We had a long talk and agreed on just about everything. Being friends right now is for the best, because it will make us closer and more stable so that maybe down the road we can be together again. He said he fears that the past problems will come back to haunt us, and he’s unsure if those things will be surmountable or fade in time. Basically, it was agreed that right now isn’t the right time for us to be together, but we possibly will somewhere down the road.
    I went to church with him the following Sunday (he’s LDS), and he had put his arm around me and rubbed my shoulder throughout the first and second hours. There was a little hand holding as well. Then we left early since he had things to do, and we just goofed off on the car ride back to my apartment. It was really nice. We were talking a lot on facebook later that day as well, also just goofing off. But he also said that it would motivate him more to attend the full 3 hours of church if I kept going with him. And I agreed. So it looks as if I’ll be going to church with him every Sunday, and I’m wondering if that will bring us closer somehow.
    I’m trying really hard not to obsess over everything, but I have so many questions. I wanna know if it means anything that he’s been very comfortable and relaxed with me lately and if it means anything that he “lost control” and kissed me. I don’t understand how he kissed me and then talked like it was a stupid mistake he made crossing the friendship boundaries. And we did agree that hand holding and cuddling is ok, but I still get the nagging wondering of what’s on his mind each time. Every time I see him or talk to him now I wonder if he’s enjoying it and considering dating me again. My mind is just whirling with all of these questions about everything. I can’t make sense of it. He shows all the signs of still liking me and being attracted to me, but then he says he just wants to be friends and is nervous about getting back together.
    The basic things I’m fretting about currently is if he starts dating someone else. I’m terrified of him getting with someone and not being able to hang out with me one on one so much anymore, and we won’t be able to do these hand holding and cuddling things. I’m so deeply scared of that….Losing him. I also keep wondering what’s been on his mind and how much I’ve been on his mind after all the physical things that have been happening. We’ve been broken up for 5 months, and he acted so awkward around me all that time. He had to keep a good amount of space between us if we sat next to eachother, and he got nervous about anything that seemed relationshipy. If I were to hold hands with him at that point, he would’ve stopped it and freaked out. Now, after all this time, he’s suddenly very flirty, very close and comfortable with me, and I just don’t know what to make of it. I’m sorry this is a very long story, but if anyone reads this, then I really appreciate it. I am completely in love with this guy and feel very right about him, like he’s the one. I’ve never had that sort of feeling before for any guy I’ve dated, so this is all new to me. I’ve always forgotten about ex boyfriends pretty fast and moved on, but I can’t seem to shake these strong feelings for this guy. I never in my life would’ve resorted to reading an article like this let alone commenting on it. I just really need help in knowing what to do here. I can tell that some old feelings for me have surfaced in him, but he’s still unsure if getting back together is a good idea or not. I don’t know how to bond with him more and make him feel okay with getting back together, make him feel what I feel. Any advice would really help!

    1. Caitlin

      December 2, 2016 at 6:37 pm

      I did the one month no contact and he told me to move on I think I’m going to buy this guide because he told me that our time has passed. If I bought this guide could I get him back?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 2, 2016 at 8:24 pm

      Nope, it can only increase your chances.. It cannot assure you if getting him back.. there’s no guarantee in that..

    3. Caitlin

      November 30, 2016 at 6:34 am

      My boyfriend and I were attached at the hip and we were arguing too much and when we broke up we both said such mean things we had a hug blow up fight. Fat forward a few nights and I ended up in the hospital and he came and held my hand and called me babe and said he cared called me beautiful and the whole nine yards and said he wanted what was best for me and my success and all that and he told me maybe it could work in the future and maybe if we were on good terms we could talk. But then a month of no talking he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet and we talked yesterday for the very first time and he knows I’ve made some major life changes and he knows I’m sticking to them. Should I give him more time and space? Because he knows I’m here waiting for him as a changed woman who loves him very much.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 30, 2016 at 9:02 pm

      HI Caitlin,

      Did you mean you did one month of nc but then you asked if you could get back right after it? or it just so happened that you didn’t talk for a month?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      Hi Skye,

      he’s showing good signs but the danger of what you’re doing is if you’re too available without commitment, then he might get comfortable doing those things without commitment

  20. Megan

    November 23, 2016 at 5:07 pm

    Hi- Any piece of advice will be appreciated! This might be a really long story…

    My ex broke off our 2.5 year relationship over 6 months ago(May, 2016). We dated/lived in the same city for 1.5 years, then he moved back to his home state after finishing his education here. Our LDR was still great while he was studying for the professional exam/ looking for a job. Since I already had a professional career, we were able to manage LDR fairly easily (financially) for over a year (seeing each other every 6weeks/ traveling/ visiting families). Then he finally got the job, moved to a new city, and started his new working life (he is in his early-mid 30’s). We talked about me moving to the his city (It would be easier for me to find a job there). But then 3 months after he started his job, he broke up with me out of blue.. We didn’t talk for about a month and half.. then I called him to get some sort of a closure, in fact, I was feeling better and ready to move on after that pleasant conversation. I started moving on–dating other people, doing my usual things (I always have spent most time working out/ shopping/ taking care of myself regardless of my relationship status). Another month has passed, on his birthday and couple days later, he emailed me twice saying how he made a mistake, his love for me had grown even more, and wanted to move in/ have family together. I called after waiting a few days. We discussed what he really wanted. He wanted to visit me, but he wasn’t sure about everything again. Somehow he managed to make a visit in August to sort things out. We had a great time, just like how it was before. But then he still was not sure of committing or getting back together, which confused the heck out of me since he was the one emailing me twice wanting to get back together only a few weeks ago. We talked everyday after he went back to home… but he decided that he didn’t want to hurt me anymore and he just couldn’t jump back into the relationship.. So it ended, again. He wanted to talk after he broke it off, but I just ignored. Another 1.5 month passed without talking, then he wished me a happy birthday. I replied shortly “thanks”, he started asking me question which I ignored. Two weeks from our last “conversation”, I accidentally called him/ hung up right away. Then he called right back, wanting to talk(FaceTime). We had great conversation, no hard feelings, just missing each other, and catching up. Then… I don’t know what I was thinking… Two weeks later, I surprised him by visiting his city. He was genuinely happy to see me, we had a great time for a few days, but not talking too much about our relationship. He texted/ called/ Facetimed me everyday ever since. We schedule an another visit too.. So I thought things were going to the right direction (getting back together). Then when I visited him 2 weeks later, something was different. He was still affectionate but I knew he wasn’t the same. I finally brought up about our relationship–just asking if he is seeing or sleeping with anyone else.. He said “no”.. but he wasn’t really open to talk about anything.. I was being honest, and told him that I wanted a family. I am financially and mentally stable to have a family, and we can pay off his student loans, and plan travels.. Well, he wasn’t up for it. He was hesitant. When I asked if he just wants to date and play around, he wouldn’t say “no” to my questions.. He wouldn’t tell me that he doesn’t want to see me anymore either!! He said he was confused and unsure of things. I was so tired. For god’d sake, he is 33 years old and still doesn’t know what he wants? I feel like I did literally everything from the beginning— Letting him go, having closure, giving him more time, letting him go… repeat. Well I told him he should never ever try to talk to me for whatever reason if we end things here. He kept saying how he doesn’t want to hurt me, and stringing alone, blah blah blah. I’m not an idiot, I know he doesn’t want this relationship with me now.. and I’m really exhausted from all this drama that we never had in our 2.5 year relationship. He was still caring/ affectionate even after I got back home. But then I just stopped texting him back and he hasn’t tried to reach out to me. I really think I’m done. I still do have health, wealth, and relationships with friends, family and coworkers.. But why is it so hard for me to just give him up and completely move on? I want to stop all this, and at this point, I don’t think I want to be with a man who isn’t sure about me when I know there are guys who sure want to be with me.

    I’m so embarrassed to tell people that I visited him twice but still he doesn’t want me for sure. People think I am confident and career-driven successful woman when I’m so depressed and frustrated with this relationship for over 6 months.. Why is it so hard for me to just accept that it is truly over? Maybe I still think that there is another chance for us?.. Should I move on (which seems so impossible since I already tried multiple times). Do you think he may come back begging me take him back in the future? Just any words would help me…

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 26, 2016 at 12:07 pm

      Hi Megan,

      set aside what other people think. It’s just been 6 months, it’s normal that you would still think of him and also because you two kept trying to start things over and then withdrawing back. It’s like feeding you just enough to want more. I know you done like a no contact rule by not talking and by being busy but this time, try making new friends. You don’t have to date. Just make new friends in the same field that you love to gain prospective and grow. Volunteer or join a new class and if you talk again, don’t start off as doing another relationship, just be friendly.

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