Did you know that there are two definitions of commitment?
When I started writing this “guide” I wanted to have a really clever opening. You know, something that really captured everyone’s attention. I figured the best way to accomplish this task would be to look up the definition of “commitment” so I could sound all “official” and kick the guide off. Well, when I did I was greeted with two opposing definitions and it gave me an idea which I will explain a little bit later.
First though, this page is obviously going to be about how to make your ex boyfriend commit.
This begs the question, if you are trying to get your ex back will this guide even relate to you?
A lot of people rely on me for advice so naturally I see what happens in a lot of relationships on a daily basis. One of the most frustrating circumstances that I typically come across are the women who have done everything right and they STILL can’t get a guy to commit to them.
In fact, I want to extend this guide beyond just an ex boyfriend. While this site will always have an intense focus on exes this particular page can be extended to men in general. That’s right, if you are single and are having trouble making a man commit (that is not your ex boyfriend) the stuff I talk about in this page can also extend to you!
Of course, most of my audience are only interested in one thing, getting their ex boyfriend to commit to them. Well, if you are one of these types then I have good news for you.
Understanding The Two Views Of Commitment
Coincidentally, these two definitions are perfect for what I am about to talk about here.
Right now I can make one big assumption about you. That assumption is that you are probably having trouble making a man commit to you. Look, I don’t know if it is your ex boyfriend or just a friends with benefits type of deal but the facts are that if you are interested in this page that means he probably hasn’t commited to you.
Now, before I can give you any helpful advice I think it is important to look at your view of commitment versus his view of commitment.
In other words, we are going to be taking a look at those official definitions right now :).
Your View Of Commitment
The first official definition of commitment revolves around your personal views.
The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc
So, in your case you probably want nothing more than for him to dedicate himself to the “cause” that is your relationship. I mean, this is an essential part of getting an ex back so it is definitely an important piece of the puzzle.
Typically, one of the most annoying situations I encounter are those women who do everything right and still can’t get a guy to commit to them. It is annoying because they are left wondering to themselves,
“What else can I possibly do to show him that I want this to happen? Why the he** won’t he commit to me.”
It really sucks because oftentimes a guy will say that he is ready for a commitment… “just not now.” Usually he will say something like:
“Oh, I really love you.. blah, blah, blah and as much as I would love to be with you right now I am just not ready to commit. BUT maybe down the road I will be.”
I bet you are DYING for me to dissect a statement like this for you so I will.
When I was doing research for this particular problem (when a guy says he wants to commit just not right this moment) I ran into a lot of angry women experts claiming that if a man says this it means he NEVER wants to commit to you.
I am actually not entirely sure I agree with that. Yes, there will always be some men that won’t ever want to commit to you, that just goes with the territory, but I think there is some truth in the statement. Take a good look at the sample statement I provided you with right now.
A man who says this is basically saying a few things.
Firstly, he wants to have the option of having you down the road.
The “maybe down the road I will be ready to commit” part of the statement basically spells that out for you. But you want to know what I think the most interesting part of him wanting to have the option of you down the road is?
It’s the fact that this is almost a way of him asking you to “stay single” while he can go play around. Which basically means you have every right to be upset and angry with him. While I understand this can feel like a slap in the face I honestly don’t think you should get overly angry about it.
Yes, maybe he doesn’t want to commit to you right now. Well, let that fact drive you to become the best version of yourself. So, he doesn’t want to commit to you right now, ok, well that means that YOU are going to have to become someone he HAS to commit to. Which is what we are going to be exploring throughout this page.
But first, lets turn our attention to his definition of commitment.
His View Of Commitment
(Would you like to know more about EXACTLY what you need to do to make him commit to you? Check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
Ah, and now we come to the second definition of commitment. This definition revolves around what your ex (or any other non-committal guy) thinks about commitment.
An engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.
When I read that definition it was as if a light bulb went off in my head. Someone who refuses to commit to you definitely views commitment (with you) in this way. Lets talk about that for a moment.
Why is it that some men have no problem committing to other women when they couldn’t commit to you?
Yep, I am asking the tough questions here.
It must feel like a punch in the gut to watch someone you clearly have strong feelings for be with someone else when they refused to commit to you. So, does this mean that all men don’t believe in commitment?
No, in fact I think 95% of men do believe in commitment. However, they only believe in it as long as they think the person they commit to is beneficial to them in some way. By this logic that means that right now YOU aren’t beneficial enough to commit to.
Look, I am not here to hold your hand and tell you what you want to hear. I am here to help you understand how to make your ex boyfriend commit to you and the best way to do that is to look inwards with self improvement.
The Bigger And Better Deal
This is a fun little topic that I cover exclusively in my PRO System but I figured I would give you a little tease here!
What in the world is the bigger and better deal?
Men are always looking for the bigger and better deal. How can I put this in terms that you will understand.
Ok, lets say that two women walked into a bar.
One woman was an 8 on the looks scale and an 8 on the personality scale. So, we are talking about a pretty attractive woman here.
(Side Note: Remember that looks along doesn’t make a girl attractive. Personality matters just as much in the long run. However, looks still do matter.)
So, the first woman that walked into the bar scored a total of 16 (8 + 8) on the looks/personality scale.
All of a sudden, another girl walks into the bar. This girl is a 9 on the looks scale and a 9 on the personality scale. Wow, this is one high quality woman! Even I am jealous :p.
Anyways, when we add up her score we get a total of 18 (9 + 9) on the looks/personality scale.
What we have here is a “hot girl standoff.”
The 16 vs The 18
Now, if we apply what we know about men wanting the bigger and better deal which girl do you think the majority of men in the bar will choose as the most attractive mate?
Obviously “The 18” is going to win out because she is the bigger and better deal.
She has the 16 beat in looks and personality.
So, I guess the question now becomes,
“How do you become the bigger and better deal for your ex?”
Well, at one point you were the bigger and better deal (when you dated him.) However, now that the two of you are broken up you have some work to do to reclaim the bigger and better title.
You Aren’t Good Enough And Here Is Why
That is certainly a bold way to start this section isn’t it?
Here is the truth though. I am not going to sit here and tell you want you want to hear. No, I am going to tell you what you NEED to hear. So, here it is:
If you want to get a man to commit to you then you have work to do in the most unlikeliest of places, within yourself. Before you can do anything YOU have to be in the right frame of mind and that is what this entire section is all about, getting you in the right frame of mind.
Self Improvement Is Key
(Getting your ex boyfriend to commit can be tricky. If you want a step by step plan I suggest getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
I am probably different than any guy you have ever known before. I am not saying this to sound arrogant I am saying it because I have a very unique view on life.
You see, if I were to look at a big picture of my life I could divide everything I do up into three categories. In fact, if all of these three categories are fulfilled to their highest potential then I will truly be happy with myself and my life.
What are those three categories?
Every single important action (excluding free time) I take can be put into those three categories.
I like to call this the holy trinity. In fact, it’s an idea I cover a lot in my Texting Bible. Now, you are probably wondering what the holy trinity is? Lets take a look,
Every time I start a workout routine I am making a conscious decision to improve the “health” aspect of my life.
I would say that many things can be included into this category.
- How you look (your appearance.)
- Your hygiene.
- What kind of shape you are in.
- Essentially anything relating to your physical health.
Now that you have a brief overview of the “health” category lets move on to “wealth.”
“Wealth” is a lot easier to understand because there isn’t a lot of variety in it.
This has to do with money (obviously)
In other words, how much money do you earn?
Now, probably the most impressive insight I can bring to you here would have to do with how money can affect your mental health (which you will learn all about next.) Maybe this is more of a guy thing than a girl thing but I can tell you that men pride themselves on how much money they make.
If a man who makes six figures a year walks into a room there is a certain confidence about him that is unexplainable.
If a man who can’t even cover the rent on his apartment walks into the room there is a certain uneasiness about him. The point is that if you don’t make enough money it can have an impact on your mental health and confidence.
Let’s stay with this line of thinking as we move on to “relationships.”
Again, this one is pretty darn self explanatory.
“Relationships” have to do with the relationships that you have in your life.
Yes, romantic relationships are included here but there is more to this than the romantic partnerships in your life.
We are talking about things like:
- Romantic relationships.
- The relationship you have with your family.
- Business relationships.
- The relationship you have with your friends.
The thing that is important to note here is that “relationships” have a lot to do with your mental health.
For example, the last time you got into a screaming match with your ex boyfriend the chances are high that it really hurt you emotionally. As a result, your mental health was affected. Perhaps a better example would be someone who has a lack of relationships in his/her life.
In this case the person can become extremely lonely and their mental health can be compromised.
H + W + R = Blend Together
No doubt that is probably the weirdest title to a section that I have ever created but I promise that there is always a method to my madness.
The question that you are probably wondering is how all of this stuff relates to you, your ex and how to make him to re-commit to you.
Allow me to explain.
I have found that the three big areas (health, wealth, relationships) of anyone’s life can kind of “blend together.”
Take me for example, lets pretend for a moment that I was dating you and all three areas of my life were really firing on all cylinders.
- I was in great shape.
- I was doing really great at my job.
- And my relationships with you, my family and my friends were all incredible.
Then something really unexpected happened. It turns out that YOU were cheating on me..
First off, what the heck? I thought what we had was going to last the test of time?
All kidding aside, your cheating devastated me and threw the entire “relationship” aspect of my life completely out of balance. Now, since I have already told you that all three areas of your life blend together what will happen next can only be described as a domino effect. Since my “relationships” are out of balance it has negatively affected my “health.” I have let myself go a little bit and I don’t really have any drive to work out anymore. Remember, “relationships” have a direct correlation to your mental health and your mental health can directly impact your physical health.
Of course, having my “health” and “relationships” out of balance will negatively impact me at work. So, what we have here is a trifecta of badness in which all three categories can be put out of wack by just one bad thing happening.
This is a very delicate balance we are talking about here.
Why You Aren’t The Bigger And Better Deal Right Now
Throughout this page I talked a lot about how men usually only commit to women who they view as the bigger and better deal.
Well, even though I don’t know you personally I can make a few assumptions about you. I know that you are reading this page so you are probably interested in getting a man to commit to you (probably your ex boyfriend.) Using what I have just taught you about the three categories I can also assume that the “relationship” aspect of your life is suffering which has probably caused a domino effect in the other aspects of your life.
Now, I could be completely off here but something tells me that I am probably pretty close.
The number one thing that women on this site fail to grasp is that no guy wants to commit to you unless you get all three areas of your life back on track.
It’s no coincidence that the most emotional women who tend to fail at winning their exes back are the ones whose entire life is out of wack.
The first piece of advice I can give you if you want to make your ex or any man for that matter commit to you is to make sure that each of the three major areas are back on track. While there is a lot more to making a man commit to you this is one of the biggest steps you can take and I think you should start right now!
The Problems With Making An Ex Commit To You
(If you would like to learn more about commitment please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
Before we can get to the good stuff about making any man commit to you there are a few things we have to get out of the way first.
Since this page is designed for exes (but the material can be used for just about any man.) I feel the need to point out some of the challenges you will face if you attempt to get an ex to recommit to you. That is what this section is all about.
So, what I have decided to do is list the “problem” that you will probably have to face but also list it’s quick solution.
Bear in mind, these are quick solutions so if the solutions don’t work for you don’t be alarmed. There is always a bigger play you can implement.
Lets take a look at some of the problems you will face.
Problem 1- Things Didn’t End On The Best Of Terms
Have you ever noticed how fragile relationships can be at the end?
If you say one wrong thing that thing could stick with the person for the rest of their life.
Seriously, I remember a girl once told me that I tried too hard to make things work once and even to this day that has stuck with me.
A few years ago I took a psychology class and learned something really interesting.
When you take a bullet list (seen below:)
- Hi there.
- This is.
- What I like.
- To call.
- A bullet list 😉
The thing that most people remember is the first bullet and the last bullet. All of the stuff in between can kind of get muddied a little bit.
I think this philosophy can be applied to relationships to a certain extent. For example, after a really bad breakup you are probably going to be left with a really bad taste in your mouth. This is probably because the last thing that you remember is a really bad breakup. Never mind all of the amazing things that went your way in the relationship.
If you and your ex boyfriend had a bad breakup one of the problems that you are going to have to overcome is the sour taste left in his mouth.
I guarantee you that he is going to think to himself:
“Why would I want to commit to her with the way things ended the first time around?”
This can be a really tricky problem to overcome but it is my job to find the solution for you so here it is.
Solution To Problem 1
Right now your ex boyfriends perception of you isn’t good.
While it may be possible that he will look back to your relationship with fond memories something tells me that right at this moment that isn’t the case.
One of the common mistakes I see here is panic from women in this situation.
Women love communication. You love to talk about your day, your feelings, the latest workplace drama. The list goes on and on. Men are different though. While some of us like to communicate the vast majority don’t like to vent about their feelings.
Women who sense that their ex boyfriend is holding resentment towards them after a breakup will do everything they can to fix the situation as soon as possible. This includes things like text gnatting, call gnatting, etc, etc. The point is that sometimes the best solution to get what you want is to take a step back and remove yourself from the situation for a little bit.
In other words, the more you push to communicate with your ex boyfriend the more he may push you away.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is give him time to sort out his feelings which will take amazing discipline from you.
Problem 2- He Doesn’t Love You Anymore
This is probably your biggest fear….
In fact, it’s such a fear that one of the most common questions I get about PRO is if it teaches you how to get an ex back who doesn’t love you anymore.
I mean, how in the word are you supposed to make anyone commit to you if they don’t have feelings for you anymore?
It is a valid question.
First though, I would like to explore why a guy may lose his feelings for you.
Most men won’t lose their feelings for someone overnight. It is not like they wake up one day and say to themselves:
“Hmm… I don’t like her anymore.”
Usually what can make a man lose his feelings for you is something that you do that he deems as extremely unattractive. Sure, there are men that just suddenly lose their feelings but these men are very rare and I would say most of the women reading this aren’t with a man like that.
So, what I would like to do now is talk about some of the behaviors that most men will see as unattractive. I think the best way I can do this is to talk about myself. In other words, what would a girl have to do (while dating me) for me to lose my feelings for her?
First things first, if I dated someone and she was getting drunk every day, doing drugs or just a HUGE party animal I would lose feelings for her really fast. Some guys like women who do this but I would say the majority of us don’t. Look, I am all for having a good time but there is a line that can be crossed and I honestly don’t know if I can trust someone with my heart who is drunk all the time.
This leads me to my next point.
I am probably the least jealous person. In fact, I would say, if anything, I should be more jealous because if a girl really wanted to she could crush my heart by cheating and I wouldn’t have the faintest idea because I am very trusting.
With that being said, if a girl I date is talking to a lot of guys (in person) all the time it is going to make me more paranoid than I need to be. Now, I am all for a girl hanging out with a guy friend now and then but if a girl ends up spending more time with guy friends than with her actual boyfriend I would have a serious problem.
However, probably the most common thing that gets on my nerves is REALLY overemotional women.
Which is ironic because I talk to them all day 😉 .
Let me give you an example.
Let’s say that I am dating a girl and her whole life is full of drama. Every day that I talk to her all I seem to be doing is helping her with her latest “drama.” Now, this is something I have no problem doing but if it happens every single day I am definitely going to start getting annoyed.
If I am in a relationship and all I seem to be doing is helping a person feel better all the time I don’t see how that can benefit me at all? In fact, a relationship like that is completely one sided and that really isn’t a relationship at all.
Men LOVE to feel admired. I know women better than probably any man you have ever met before so I have an idea of what you ladies need to be happy in a relationship but don’t think I am any different from any other guy out there. If I don’t feel admired in a relationship it is going to take a toll on me.
Solution To Problem 2
How in the world do you make someone fall back in love with you if they fell out of love with you in the first place?
Well, the first thing I think you need to do is identify the problem areas where you went wrong the first time around. Remember, most men don’t fall out of love without some type of reason to. So, read the section above and determine if you committed any of the “sins.”
I want you to do this for two reasons.
Firstly, I want you to understand what went wrong the first time around. Secondly, I want you to never make these types of errors again either in a renewed relationship with your ex boyfriend or a new relationship down the road.
Making an ex boyfriend commit to you if he has no feelings for you is going to be tough.
Because your main “play” to get him to commit is going to be leveraging his feelings for you or creating new feelings that make him fall for you.
But how do you do that?
Now that is a complicated question and coincidentally it is also the next major section of this guide!
Leveraging The Power Of Feelings To Make Him Commit
(For more information about leveraging feelings grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
What have we talked about so far in this guide?
- We looked at what the two views of commitment were (your view and his view.)
- I told you what men want to commit to (The Bigger And Better Deal.)
- I told you the three areas of your life you need to get in order (health, wealth and relationships.)
- Heck, I even talked about a few of the major problems that cause cause a man to freeze at the idea of commitment.
When you look at all of the bullet points above every idea that I talk about there is very “big picture.”
In other words, they all talk about what you need to do to make a man commit to you but they never talk about HOW you are supposed to do it. That is where this section comes in. Before I talk about anything I think it’s important to tell you about how important feelings are to make a guy commit.
Understanding The Power Of Feelings
Right now you have a lot of feelings.
Out of all of the feelings you are having right now the one that is probably dictating your actions has to be the one in your heart that keeps screaming:
“I want him back. I want him back. I want him back. I want him back.”
It is the type of feeling that never seems to go away. It is on your mind as your eyes shut and it is on your mind as your eyes open. You think about it throughout the day and sometimes it is so prevalent that you can’t even concentrate on day to day activities. Food loses its taste. Every single text message you receive that isn’t from your man makes you angry.
I am sure right now if your ex boyfriend showed up at your door and said:
“I made a mistake. I want to date you again.”
You probably wouldn’t hesitate to take him back.
THAT IS THE POWER OF FEELINGS!
Imagine if you could make your ex boyfriend or just an on again off again lover feel that about you? That is how you make a man commit to you and that is what we are going to be covering here.
Don’t Be Too Available
A lot of women are like me..
(God help me I just compared myself to a woman.)
I am the type of guy that has a lot of feelings when I like someone. When I was very young I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. In other words, when I liked a girl I would just let the feelings pour out and trust me it creeped a lot of girls out. It was just too much too soon. I had to learn the hard way that, that wasn’t the best approach.
I feel when you are in a situation with your ex or with a guy who you desperately want to commit to you, you revert back to this mode where your heart is on your sleeve and you let your feelings pour out.
That isn’t the best approach.
You almost have to train yourself to not be too available.
The girls that I fall for… Almost always have more going on in their life than me. In other words, I am not the first priority and they aren’t too available for me.
Are you starting to realize the difference between you and women who are successful at making guys feel something towards them?
They aren’t TOO available.
Reigniting Feelings And Creating New Feelings
What do you think is better when you are dealing with an ex boyfriend?
Reigniting his old (positive) feelings or creating new feelings?
In the past I have talked a lot about reigniting an exes feelings for you. However, I haven’t really gone into creating new ones. So ultimately, which one of these should we be doing to get an ex to commit?
How about both?
Why don’t we work to reignite his feelings for you and also create new feelings at the same time. I guess the question now becomes,
How do we do that?
Well, in my experience reigniting old feelings can be done through texting, calling, facebook, etc, etc.
While creating new feelings can be done through those mediums it is so much easier to generate them if you see your man in person and experience something new.
So, there it is.
We are going to attack his commitment-phoebe personality with his feelings for you and we are going to do that through two ways.
Reigniting his old feelings for you and making him create new feelings towards you.
Reigniting His Old Feelings
Something has to change here.
Do you know what Albert Einstein defined as insanity?
Insanity- Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Obviously what you are doing to try to get him to commit to you isn’t working so you are going to have to change things up. I want you to be a very unique person for him to talk to. Most girls talk to guys the same way. I want you to try an entirely unique approach to talking to him.
I want you to treat every text message or phone call with him very seriously.
If you plan on writing a one word text or if you plan on being a bore on the phone then leave this page immediately. You obviously don’t have your head in the right place.
Lets start with something simple.
What A “Re-ignition Of Feelings” Text Conversation Should Look Like:
I cover this idea exclusively in my Texting Bible. So, make sure you check that out if you are confused as to how this works.
There are two goals when you have a conversation like this with any guy.
- Make him feel something deep.
- Leave him wanting more without being too available.
I am already going to assume that you and your ex have advanced to a point where you can have a re-ignition conversation without it being “too much.” If you haven’t advanced to this point then make sure you check out my E-Book. I also want to point out that if you use the examples I give below word for word then you aren’t going to do well. The examples I give aren’t meant to be followed to a T. No, they are meant to show you how a successful conversation should look like.
With those things out of the way lets begin!
I think the best time to have a conversation like the one I am about to show you is in the middle of an existing texting conversation. In other words, if you and your man are texting back and forth but the conversation is just kind of unemotional and normal then that would be the perfect time to start a “re-ignition” texting conversation.
One more thing before I move on. During your normal conversations with your ex if he is taking forever to respond to your texts then I wouldn’t recommend trying anything like this. Wait until he is very responsive because this is as much about timing as it is about saying the right stuff.
When you determine the time is right start by sending a text like this:
(If you need more examples like this check out The Texting Bible.)
I like this text for two reasons.
- The “Do you remember..” captures attention.
- The “No.. I shouldn’t.” is a way of testing how much your partner is interested in what you have to say.
I am always a fan of intriguing text messages. The perfect way to start any serious conversation is with a statement that could potentially drive a man nuts if he doesn’t find out. Think of it like this. If you were to say “Do you remember..” and never respond to him for an entire day that man should be constantly checking his phone. It should be driving him nuts as he goes to bed and as he wakes it up it should be on his mind.
That is how intriguing you have to make your first contact text message in a conversation like this.
Here comes the “re-ignition of feelings” part.
Think back to your old relationship with your ex. Throughout that relationship I am guessing a lot of things happened that made the two of you feel good. Sure, a lot of stuff happened that made you feel bad too but we aren’t focusing on that. I want you to think back and locate the best “feel good” memory you can think of that isn’t about sex.
A couple of things to note here.
- This memory needs to be incredibly powerful.
- It can’t be about sex.
- It can’t be anything that like the first time he said “I love you” to you.
- This isn’t even about you. It’s about HIM.
- You need to be thinking how this memory affects him.
One thing we already know is that men love to be admired. So, we are going to leverage this fact by looking at his best experience in the relationship. If you were in his shoes and you were to ask yourself:
“What was the best thing about my time with her?”
What would it be?
THAT is the memory I want you to choose.
I have often wondered what an ex girlfriend of mine would think if she ever saw this site. While I am extremely careful to separate my personal life from this site I can’t help but think of an extremely good example using one of my past relationships.
When I think back to my last relationship I can highlight the high point of the relationship exactly to the moment.
I remember I was at her house and we were sitting on the couch watching a movie. The movie wasn’t anything special but what happened during it was. On the couch she got very close to me and started leaning on me. She was comfortable and I was comfortable. She just cuddled up to me and it felt great to have another human being consciously just want to be there to cuddle with me.
It’s not like we hadn’t cuddled before but there was something different about this..
I don’t know how to explain it but it was like this light bulb went off in my head and I was filled with this feeling of happiness, excitement, contentment and seriousness.
It was like the moment I began to realize for the first time in my life I felt completely comfortable with another human being. I felt that any flaws I had were gone and I could just be myself and the feeling was liberating.
Then she dropped a bombshell and ripped my heart out…
No just kidding, just kidding. I wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.
The point is that if you could send a text that can tap into deep feelings like the ones I gave above then you are really onto something. Here is how a text like that would work for the example I gave of my “liberation.”
(For more text messages like this check out The Texting Bible)
This is really the moment of truth. Either he is going to bite the bait and you are going to have one of those super long text conversations or he is going to give you a negative response. If you did everything right there shouldn’t be any trouble.
Of course, there is still one more thing that has to be done.
The real trick to this is that you have to leave him wanting more. The absolute best way to do that is to cut the conversation prematurely. Lets assume you follow the directions I gave above and you yielded a positive response to the deep memory you chose.
Well, I would actually recommend that you keep the conversation going for 2-3 more texts and then after that simply don’t respond to his texts.
Will it make him mad?
Will it leave him wanting more?
You bet your butt it will!
Do you see what I mean when I say you can’t remain too available?
Making Him Commit Through Phone Calls
This is getting to be pretty long so I want to take a moment to make sure everyone is still with me here.
Beyond becoming the “bigger and better deal” the key to making a man commit to you is to re-ignite his feelings for you. In other words, make him feel so much for you that he has no choice but to recommit to you. Above I showed you a tactic you can use to achieve that through texting.
Now I would like to move on to how you can re-ignite his feelings through phone calls.
I hate to sound like a broken record but we all know that men love admiration. So again, we are going to leverage that fact during your phone call with your ex.
Talking on the phone can be very tricky for one big reason, it requires you to think on your feet. You see, when you text you can think very carefully before you hit that “send” button. Talking on the phone doesn’t give you that advantage. If your ex asks you one question that catches you off guard and you say something wrong you could screw up your chances entirely.
So, there is a little bit more on the line with phone calls.
However, I don’t want you to stress about this fact. I have talked to people on the phone a lot in my life and I have found the best way to deal with any phone conversation is to remain upbeat and positive. This isn’t meant to be stressful. It’s meant to be fun and positive.
It’s sort of like going on a date. If you go on a date and you are super nervous and you can’t think straight then that date will probably suck. However, if you are super calm and you just focus on having fun the date has a good chance of going well.
Just try to make your boyfriend comfortable on the phone. There is no pressure. This is a no pressure zone.
When the two of you start having your conversation don’t think about saying a specific thing. I just want you to let the conversation flow. If there are a lot of awkward silences then don’t be afraid to get in there and fill them. I just want a friendly conversation to take place between the two of you. I want both of you to get your teeth into the conversation and kind of get a feel for each other.
Eventually, when the nerves have calmed down and the two of you feel comfortable talking to each other I want you to start an old trip down memory lane.
Say something like:
“Actually, I saw something that reminded me of you today. I was driving down (street name) and saw a cop had pulled a guy over. It reminded me of the time that the two of us got pulled over on our way to Colorado. Do you remember how fun that trip was (minus the cop 😉 .)”
The point of a comment like this is to force him to recall whatever trip happened in Colorado (assuming it was an incredible trip.) This way he will associate the good feelings he gets from that memory to you.
He will definitely bite if you say something like this to him. However, if he just gives you a neutral answer like:
“Ya… that was fun.”
Don’t be afraid to push him by being more specific about things that happened on the trip. You really want to force him to remember an incredible memory and associate that memory with you.
Here is where things get tricky though.
Without a doubt the hardest part about talking on the phone is the fact that when you really want to talk on the phone you don’t want to get off of it. This causes a problem because part of the goal with talking on the phone is to leave a guy wanting more.
In other words, you have to cut your conversation with him prematurely. For example, if the two of you were going to have a 45 minute conversation on the phone then I would say you should cut your conversation short at 30 minutes so you can leave him wanting more.
This is so hard to do because if things are going well your heart is going to want you to keep going but you can’t listen to it.
Trust me, I have had girls cut conversations short with me and it absolutely drives me nuts (in a good way.)
Generating New Feelings With New Experiences
A friend of mine once told me that:
The best way to make someone fall in love with you is to experience new things together.
While I am sure there is more to love than that the quote really resonated with me. I liken it to seeing a movie for the first time.
Nothing can quite compare to seeing a movie for the first time. Sure, you can watch it multiple times after you see it for the first time and enjoy it but generally speaking, nothing is going to trump that first time seeing it. I think relationships are like that to a certain extend.
Everyone always remembers:
- Their first kiss.
- Their first time having sex.
- Their first date.
- The list goes on and on.
Imagine if you could have a new experience with your ex on a date that would cause him to generate new feelings for you.
THAT is what we are trying to accomplish here.
If you can think of an experience that you and your ex haven’t already had together I would suggest doing it. Now, I am not talking about anything sexual here. This is more emotional than anything.
If you have any ideas for new experiences feel free to leave them in the comments to not only get my thoughts on them but give other people ideas!