"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"
Boyfriends are confusing aren’t they? The way they act, the things they do and the dumb stuff they say. In this complete guide I am going to attempt to help women understand every aspect about a man that they can imagine.
Look at it this way, I am a male who has a pretty good grasp over the psychology of other males. I have gone behind the lines for you and I am about to relay some of the most personal details that your boyfriends or ex boyfriends would never want you to know.
It is my hope that you use this page to better understand men and how to deal with them in certain situations. In essence, use this page for good, not evil.
BUT FIRST… There’s Something Important You Need To Know
I have been helping men and women get back with their exes for over half a decade and I have learned that most people have preconceived notions when they end up on my site. They think that all they have to do is follow the directions that I give them on the page and they are good to go. Now, while this may hold true in some cases I will say that getting an ex back is usually such a complex process that I can’t explain everything there is to explain in one simple article.
Luckily, I have created an “ultimate resource” for you to follow to not only get your ex back but to understand why they are acting the way they are acting.
All you have to do learn about this resource is to click the button below!Get Relief FasterWith Tactics I Can't Put on the Blog...
How This Guide Is Set Up
It took me a while to figure out how to put some structure into this page. You see, when I first started brainstorming this idea I had a lot of great things to talk about but no structure to fit them into. It wasn’t until one of my visitors emailed me with a topic request that the lightbulb finally went off.
This page is going to be divided into three major sections.
- Pre Relationship (Understanding single males)
- In A Relationship (Understanding boyfriends)
- Post Relationship (Understanding ex boyfriends)
How does it work? I am going to be diving into the mindset of a single guy before he gets into a serious relationship. Then, once I cover everything that I think needs to be covered there I will start talking about what happens to the mind of a male when he is in a relationship. Finally, I am going to dive in to what you can expect from an ex boyfriend after a relationship.
It is my goal to create the most complete and educational guide on men found online for free. I hope you enjoy the ride!
There is one last thing I would like to mention before we get started though. I am assuming that a lot of you are interested in getting your ex boyfriends back. Well, maybe not a lot but some of you are. Since this is a site on “recovering” your ex I took two months to write a complete guide on how to actually get an ex boyfriend or husband back. I am confident in saying that it is the best guide to have ever graced the internet (I am a little biased though.) Anyways, if you are interested in checking that out you can click the link below:
How does the saying go?
“Men only care about one thing… sex.”
Well, I am here to tell you that it isn’t true. Of course, it is a lot of what they think about but there is more to men than you would initially believe. In fact, I would make the argument that they are just as complex as women are. In this section of the page I am going to be talking about men who are single and some of the thoughts that go through their head.
The Way They Think
I think men who are single and want to be single have a certain “game plan” that they follow when they go out “on the prowl.” Most men, will look to sleep around with as many girls as they can because to them it is a bragging right. Of course, in their own sick way they use this behavior as an excuse to find the one special girl that is worthy enough to date
I know that is a little confusing so allow me to elaborate. One of my best friends, who is much older now, told me a story about his younger days. He used to sleep with as many girls as he possibly could. While he was a bit of a jerk to them there was something deeper in him that caused him to sleep around so much. He was looking for that one girl that could fulfill him in ways that others could not.
While I am not condoning or praising men who sleep around a lot I do think there is a deeper reasoning for their behavior.
Men Are Insecure, You Just Don’t Know It
One of the most interesting qualities about women is the fact that they love to talk about everything. They talk about their feelings, their boy troubles and their friends. Men don’t do that. In fact, we don’t like doing that at all (except talking about girls we love that.)
I thought a lot about why we are that way and I think I have come up with a really good reason for it. Lets take the two genders, men and women.
Men are often known for being physical beings while women are not. Men would hunt while women would gather. However, while women were doing their gathering they were also doing something else, talking. Women were developing their social skills while men worked solely on their physical skills.
I don’t think anybody would debate the fact that if a man was pitted in a physical fight with a woman the man would win that pairing. However, where women excel is in the social aspect of life. Men simply can’t compare, we don’t understand how to express our true feelings.
This leads me to my point, inside every single man is an insecure little boy (myself included.) Some guys don’t like the way they look, others are insecure about the size of their… ahem… equipment. Then you will always have the guy who has absolutely no confidence what-so-ever.
Here is where a monkey wrench gets thrown into the equation though. I actually think that males would be great at talking about their feelings and communicating properly if it weren’t for other guys.
Remember above when I said that men would hunt while the women would gather? Well, on that “hunt” men learned very quickly that any sign of weakness would practically have him killed by the other males. The same principle applies today. Any sign of “emotions” that a guy expresses in front of his male friends is a surefire way to have him made fun of.
My best friend in the world has only shown true emotion to me one time in his entire life. It was after his girlfriend broke up with him and he got really drunk to the point where he had essentially no control over what he was saying.
We Think About Women All The Time
Women are fascinating creatures to all men. Nothing trumps a beautiful woman walking into the bar, store or classroom. I am fascinated by women I am not going to lie. However, what fascinates me more is the effect that they have on the rest of the world. For example, I remember being in an accounting class my second semester in College. A beautiful girl walked in to the classroom. I am talking about the kind of girl that you just can’t take your eyes off of.
Here was the funniest part about it though, I started watching the rest of the classroom react to her presence. The men were absolutely captivated and the women absolutely hated the competition. It was a fascinating thing to watch.
Looks Vs. Personality
I am going to be blunt here. Looks will almost always win over personality (in the beginning stages.) If we are going by a looks rating scale of one to ten a nine is going to get away with having a two personality.
That may seem like bad news but here is the interesting part about it. Men are initially shallow, however once you get to know their true self they can surprise you with how deep they can be. While every man dreams of having a perfect ten around his arm if she has a horrible personality it is going to really start to annoy him and result in a potential breakup down the road.
Any time a male friend of mine who has a really beautiful girlfriend breaks up with her, I ask him “what happened?” His first words always go like this:
“I know she is really hot dude, but (insert personality issue.)”
So, a saying that you need to live by is, looks get you in the door but personality is really what keeps a guy around. Now, I do realize that I run a site on helping women get their ex boyfriends back and this statement (personality is what keeps them) might rub some people the wrong way.
For people feeling like this I just want to point out that you can’t change your looks but you can improve your personality!
It is terrifying to go up and talk to a beautiful woman. I think a lot of guys are like me in this regard. They see a beautiful woman walk in the room and immediately get a little nervous.
The prettier the girl is the more terrifying the prospect is to go up and talk to her. I have literally been so nervous in this situation that I have shaken uncontrollably.
It wasn’t so much that I was worried that I was going to fail, I was more worried about what the girl would think about me. Would she be flattered? Would she think I am desperate? Do I smell ok?
So many thoughts rush through a mans head when he is put in a room with a girl he truly has a crush on. I feel I can really explain this quite well because I have some epic failures in this regard. Now, no one wants to hear about the wins so I am going to take you step by step through one of my failures at trying to get girls I thought were pretty. I think it will be an interesting look at how a real life male approaches asking a pretty girl out.
Let me give you a little background here. I was taking a three hour biology class in college about two years ago. In the classroom was a girl that I found attractive. This doesn’t happen to me very often anymore but I was literally obsessed with asking this girl out.
The only problem was that we sat on opposite sides of the room. Now, the thing about me is that if I really want something I will do everything in power to get it. I really wanted this girls number so I began to hatch a plan.
I remember I had a whole conversation planned. I was going to wait outside the hall with one of my friends, which we already did every single day, and when she walked by I was going to initiate a conversation. I wouldn’t ask for her number there, I was just going to introduce myself so I was on her radar.
The moment was finally here, there she was walking towards the classroom with one of her friends, this was it, I was going to do it! I took a step forward and the jitters kicked in and I took a step back like a coward. The fear had seized me and I froze.
I remember specifically going back home that night and being so disappointed in myself. How could I fail like that? What happened to me? It stuck with me, the inability to even give it a shot.
The lesson I want you to take here is that men are absolutely terrified to initiate conversations with pretty women.
Something You Didn’t Know
I would like to keep in line with what we were talking about in the section above. Society dictates that men are the ones that have to make the first move on women. It has always been that way ever since I have learned about “the game.” However, as I demonstrated above a lot of times a really good guy might fail at approaching a woman he really likes and she would never know he even existed.
One secret that no one ever talks about is how much guys actually like it when a woman approaches them instead of the other way around. I know this is supposed to be a website about getting your ex back. BUT in the event that you don’t get your ex boyfriend back I think this section could be useful to you.
Having a woman approaching a man instead of the other way around is a great way to land a date. I will say though that there is a good way to do this and a bad way. You have to be really careful when you do this because if done wrong it can be a turnoff to a guy. However, if done right it is extremely flattering. I have actually had this done to me the right way and it was awesome. It was such an ego boost and I immediately had feelings for the girl.
I would say the best way for a woman to approach a guy is to do it subtly. If it seems forced or if you come in too over-confident it can be a turnoff. Lets talk a little bit about what I mean by “over-confident.” A woman who is extremely over-confident and perhaps a little pushy can be a turnoff for a guy. I had an over-confident girl try this on me and it was just embarrassing and uncomfortable for me.
Yes, you want to be confident and sure of yourself but don’t take things to an extreme. You want your approach to be natural and graceful. Not fast and overbearing. Once you make your approach make sure you look the guy right in the eyes and don’t say a word. Have a nice smile on your face while you do this. It WILL create an awkward but electric silence. The awkward silence the guy will want to fill in with words.
Peer Pressure From Friends
Here is something that you probably didn’t know about men, their friends matter a lot more than you think. Have you ever seen the movie Hitch with Will Smith? In the movie there is a scene where he is trying to teach Kevin James’ character about getting a woman he likes. In the scene he explains to him that “the night isn’t about winning over the girl, it’s about winning over her friends.”
The same logic can actually be a applied to men as well. A man’s friends can make or break a girlfriend. For example, some men have friends that will do everything in their power to sabotage a relationship if they don’t like the girl. One thing I also know is that a woman’s attractiveness can fall if the guys friends don’t think she is attractive. It is a peer pressure type of a deal.
A guy can really like a girl and think she is the hottest thing on this planet. However, if his friends start ragging on him about dating her then she loses some luster for him.
I am sad to say that this has happened to me but in a reverse way, which is why I know about this phenomenon. My buddy once tried to set me up with a girl who I didn’t find very attractive. The thing was that all my other male friends found her attractive so like a fool I took her on a date “just to see.” The thing was though, I never really found her attractive. I was just doing it based solely on peer pressure.
Family, Friends And Experiences Shape How Men Treat Women
In this section I would like to talk a little bit about how men treat women. Generally speaking, there are three major forces that shape how a man views and treats women. Those three forces are:
Lets take a moment and have an in-depth look at each one.
I started with family first because this is really the biggest force. From an early age a child will learn about how the world works through studying how his or her parents react to certain situations. When it comes to relationships the rules are no different. If from an early age a little boy sees his or her parents constantly fighting that is going to be burned into his character.
I absolutely love my parents. I don’t think I could have a better pair. The two of them are still married and did everything right in my eyes. They taught me from an early age how women should be treated and how to look at the good in life instead of the bad. Through their teachings and the example they set in their marriage I don’t have any “one night stands” or “short relationships.” Any time I date someone you can expect me to be committed to that person for a long time. That is just the way I am.
Of course, I am that way because of my family. They shaped who I am and the way I act.
You are who you surround yourself with. I talked a lot about the peer pressure of friends in the section above. Well, another thing that friends can do is teach you how to treat women (or how not to.) I can honestly say that I have learned a lot about women just from watching my best friend interact with them in his various relationships.
I study his his girlfriends, befriend them in order to get their perspective and hear all the behind the scenes information. I know which behaviors he did that turned them off and on.
Now, I also have friends that are total jerks to women. I have had friends that have cheated multiple times and done just about every imaginable horrible thing to their girlfriends…. actually, now that I think about it I am not their friends anymore.
“Hmm… how bout that 😉 .”
Anyways, a guy who has a friend that is a total jerk to women is faced with two choices. He can either:
- Decide to never do what he just witnessed to his own girlfriend.
- Copy the behavior.
I know what you are thinking “why would he want to copy that type of behavior?”
It’s actually quite simple, I have noticed a trend with guys who are jerks and guys who are nice. Guys who are jerks tend to get the girls. They have the “bad boy” appeal. Now, before you barrage me with criticism for this statement I do want to point out that there are exceptions to every rule but among the “bro community” the belief is that the jerks get the girls.
Men may be pretty dumb but eventually we do learn. If we act like a total jerk and a girl accepts us then our stupid behavior has just been validated by the girl and we will continue that behavior until it stops working.
The best example I can think of to drive this point home comes with these pickup artist communities. Did you know that there are entire communities that are devoted to picking up girls? Oh, and FYI they are extremely good at it. They tape themselves running their “game” and getting chicks to prove that it works. I found it extremely entertaining to be honest. However, the problem I saw right off the bat is that the teachers in these communities are essentially teaching behaviors that will force most men to fake their personalities. Sure, they might succeed at getting their target but no girl wants to have a lasting relationship with someone who is faking their personality.
The allure to the whole community is that every guy wants to be looked at as a “ladies man.” Every guy wants to have the power to walk up to any girl at a bar and maker her weak in the knees. So, when men are presented with certain steps that can turn them into their idea of a “ladies man” they flock trying to learn the behavior that will get them there.
This one is a pretty big one too. A mans own experiences with women will dictate how he treats them in the future. You see this a lot with men (and women) who have been cheated on in the past. They usually enter a new relationship with someone very cautiously and have serious trust issues.
In the end, for men it all boils down to being looked at as a weaker male. I know this sounds crazy and I think this is a primal thought within, but for a male who was cheated on in the past he loses a bit of his manhood. Thus, he is going to be extremely cautious about entering into a relationship with another girl in the future. And if he does enter into that new relationship he is going to be very uncomfortable about the girl going out with any guy friends she may have.
The best example I can think of to demonstrate this point is by citing the experiences of one of my buddies (and how he reacted to it.) My friend wasn’t always a nice guy. He was a bit wild in his youth and that was kind of what made him fun. However, the experience I am about to tell you about changed him.
My wild friend ended up getting married at a very young age, 23 I believe. I never met his wife because I met him a couple of years after his divorce from her. Anyways, he was married to her for a total of about five years. During those five years she cheated on him eight times with eight different men. Oh, and those are just the ones he knows about. The heartache he felt from that experience changed him. He has been divorced from her for five years now and he hasn’t been on a date since.
In A Relationship
Now the fun truly begins. In this major section of the guide we are going to be focusing on understanding men who are in relationships. This will be especially helpful for women currently in relationships or even women who aren’t (they can finally understand what men were thinking.) So, rather than go on and on I would just like to drive right in.
Not Different But Different
I am in one of those rare positions where I am actually qualified to say that I personally don’t believe that women and men are too different. We both want to find love, we both want to have sex and we both want to be worshipped and desired. Of course, there are members of both genders that will cheat and use people.
So, at our core men and women are on the same wavelength. However, while we may agree on many things there are also some differences between us. It is those differences that are often overlooked.
I swear, women have a secret code when they talk about things. They could be talking about one thing but dropping hints in that conversation that mean entirely different things. Other women understand this and are able to pick up on this hints and see between the lines. Men however, are not like this.
When men talk to other men we don’t have a secret code. We are straightforward and to the point.
“Hey, look at that really hot girl over there.”
“Dude, I was with this girl last night and…”
Thus, we are presented with our first major difference in the relationship. Women don’t understand that men can’t crack their girl talk code and men don’t understand that she isn’t being straightforward when she says “I am fine, I don’t want to talk about it.” It all boils down to communication and the fact that men often don’t talk girl code.
Have you ever heard of projective empathy? When I was researching the “girl talk vs bro talk” phenomenon this phrase kept constantly coming up. Basically, projective empathy is the belief that everyone will view the world in the way that we do. This can explain why women sometimes wonder why he never listens.
Well, it may be that he is capable of listening but you aren’t communicating with him the right way for him to listen. Like I said, men are straightforward when they have conversations so if you want a serious conversation make sure you speak to him on his wavelength. Now, there are cases where men won’t be straightforward and I will talk about those a little later in this guide but for now lets move on.
Visual (A Misunderstanding On What Women Find Attractive)
This section is a knock on men more than anything. However, I think you will find it fascinating. Men have a complete misunderstanding of what women find attractive. I think I have stated multiple times that men are visual creatures. We can see a really beautiful woman across the bar and have an instant attraction and while women can have that experience too it usually isn’t on the level that men feel.
This is why you get guys who send naked pictures or d*ck pics to women. More often than not, women are completely grossed out by this. The problem lies in the fact that a guy will think sending a picture like that is a complete turn on to a woman. I have learned that women are not like that. Women want detailed and emotional language that can turn them on, not a poorly done naked picture.
Unfortunately, some men have cracked the “detailed and emotional” code and use it against women. There will always be men like that….
Why Your Boyfriend Will Lie To You
I want to state on the record that I am not playing favorites here. I think an argument can be made that women lie just as much as men. I have been lied to so many times by women that it’s ridiculous (through this site especially I am looking at you people who blame cheating on being too drunk.) However, this is a guide on helping women better understand their boyfriends or exes so I am just going to be focusing on that.
Men will lie about all sorts of things. Here are just a few off the top of my head.
- How you look.
- Going out with other girls
- A night out with the boys
Sometimes we will lie about small things and then sometimes we will lie about big things. The real question here is why does we lie? Well, I can tell you that when we lie about the small things it is because we sense you will absolutely freak out if we tell you the truth.
What’s that famous phrase?
“All men are liars?”
Well yea, but the sky is also blue so there you go. Besides, all women are all liars too. Everyone in a relationship will lie at one point. The better phrase that should replace “all men are liars” is “why are all men liars?”
There are really three major reasons why a man will lie to you.
Reason 1- You Are Testing Us
A few sections ago I talked about how women have their own “morse code.” Do you realize what that is like? It feels like we are constantly being tested.
“Do I look fat in this?”
“Do you think that girl is attractive?”
“Do you wish you were single?”
Now, those are some really general examples (examples that we can crack by the way.) We recognize that these questions are a trap and h*ll will freeze over before we fall into it.
I mean, can you imagine if we did tell you that you looked fat in the dress or that sometimes we do wish that we were single? Something tells me that would not go too well.
Reason 2- You People Are REALLY Scary
I am not going to lie to you (no pun intended.) Women scare me. Right now I am single and I get scared even walking up to a pretty girl. However, it’s a whole different ball game when you are in a relationship with one.
I can say without a doubt the thing that scares boyfriends the most is the emotional factor women bring to the table. The simple fact of the matter is that women know how to handle emotions and men do not.
I have been in situations before where I have been standing in front of an emotional girlfriend and have literally have frozen. It’s a simple defense mechanism guys have, freezing up. We don’t know what to do with all those emotions.
At a young age millions of men and I learned that if you were completely up front and honest with a girl that she would COMPLETELY FREAK OUT ON US AND SHOW US HER SCARY EMOTIONS.
Sometimes, the different between telling you the truth and telling you a white lie is all that stands between us getting lucky or kicked out for the night.
Given those choices… white lie please!
Now, I do want to say that most boyfriends aren’t lying to you to be cruel. Sure, there are some bad apples that will do that but as a whole we are doing it because we want you to be happy and we don’t want to be in a position where we have to deal with your emotions. We just aren’t equipped to handle them.
Reason 3- Jack Dawson, Edward (Twilight), The Prince From Disney Movies
I don’t like them… at all..
How can I compare to Leonardo DiCaprio?
I wish Buffy the Vampire Slayer would do her job and take care of Edward.
Disney prince…. Ugh…
How can any guy live up to the expectations that these FAKE characters set? Remember, these characters are not real but they are what society thinks men have to be.
So, how do men live up to that? Simple, we lie to make up for the fact that we aren’t the “perfect guy.” That is why a lot of women say things like “oh, he changed during the relationship” or “he wasn’t who I thought he was.” Well, it’s because guys constantly have to put on a facade because deep down there is a little girl in you that wants her own prince charming. Don’t lie ;).
Why Boyfriends Stop Complimenting You
Have you ever wondered why your boyfriend stops complimenting you over time? Sure, there is always a honeymoon period when you first date where it seems like nothing can go wrong but eventually the strain of the relationship takes it’s toll and the compliments that were once routine never seem to come anymore.
I have discovered an interesting phenomenon by using my own experience in a relationship. Women, sometimes without meaning to, can deny that a man is telling the truth when he compliments her.
Let me give you an in-depth example here:
Years ago I was dating a girl who didn’t think she was very pretty. Any time she would express concern over the way she looked I would immediately say “stop it, you are pretty!” The problem was that she didn’t believe me. For some reason, she though I was just saying it for the sake of saying it.
Now, if you know me really well you would know that I am not wired that way. I am very up front with how I am feeling and what I am thinking. Yet, this girl refused to accept my compliment.
It actually made me angry after a while and I slowly but surely began to lose my feelings for her.
Does He Really Love You In The Relationship?
I get a lot of questions like this every single day:
“Chris, my ex boyfriend moved on to a new girl really quickly. Did he even love me in our time together?”
“I need help. I don’t think my boyfriend ever loved me.”
In this section I am going to briefly settle the score on whether or not your boyfriend loved you during your relationship with him.
The truth is, most boyfriends love their girlfriends most of the time. Sure, there is an odd case here and there where he was totally playing you or just telling you what you want to hear. But I can say that most of the time at one point in the relationship he really had extremely strong feelings for you.
Where women typically run into trouble here is that they can frustrate their boyfriends when they need to be constantly reassured that what he is feeling is real.
Some women just like to hear it over and over again. Others just refuse to accept it with a mindset of “how could he love me?”
I can tell you what I personally hate. Having to tell someone over and over again that I love them (and them not believe me.) The problem is that some women just don’t accept it. Do you realize what a giant slap in the face that is? It’s like someone constantly coming up to you and saying:
“Yea, your love isn’t good enough for me.”
The more that a man has to work to show a woman that he is “in love” with her the less he becomes “in love” with her.
Another pet peeve of mine is when a woman tells me to “prove your love to me.”
Again, that is like a giant slap in the face because it makes you feel so insignificant. The second a man starts having to “prove his love” to a woman the second he begins falling out of love with her.
His Wandering Eye
This is a real sensitive topic for women.
“Does he think she is prettier than me?”
“Does he wish I looked like that?”
“Is he going to leave me for someone who looks like that?”
Psst…. I am going to tell you a secret. MEN ARE GOING TO LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO! We like to look at other women because it feels good to look at them.
Most men want to fantasize about them. They want their minds to run wild with all kinds of dirty thoughts. Most women take great offense to this fact but I don’t think they should. It is literally impossible for a man to NOT look at a woman. What do you want him to do? Go lock him in his room and never let him come out.
Eventually when he goes out into the world he is going to be face to face with a beautiful woman and he can’t help but look at her. It is important to remember that you shouldn’t be insecure if he looks at other women. In fact, I would say that if he was faithful to you during the course of your relationship but had a tendency of “looking at other women” it doesn’t really have any bearing on how he truly feels about you.
I can tell you personally that I have been uber committed to my own relationship but if a pretty girl walks by I’m not going to cover my eyes. I am probably going to look, think to myself,
“Wow, shes pretty.”
And then continue thinking about how I am going to surprise the girl I am dating with something.
The big takeaway I want you to get from this is that him looking at other chicks doesn’t affect how he feels about you one bit.
Lets dive a bit deeper in this line of thinking for a moment now. I have found that women who catch their men eyeing other women are faced with two choices.
They can choose not to get emotional and realize that him looking at other women is just harmless.
They can go totally bonkers and see nothing but RED for the next few weeks.
A woman who remains emotionally stable and trusts her relationship has a much better chance at keeping her man happy and attracted to her in the long run. The real problems begin if you show your insecurity towards him looking at other girls.
What I am about to tell you is going to scare you.
Did you know that cheating is actually very common?
Between 30 and 60 percent of married people have admitted to cheating during their marriage. And before you jump on the “I hate men” bandwagon ladies, you aren’t exactly angels yourself. That statistic includes both men AND WOMEN.
Now, are you really ready to get scared?
80% of people admit to cheating on girlfriends or boyfriends during some point of their lives. Yes, you read that right, EIGHTY PERCENT! The key takeaway here is that cheating is extremely common.
If you were to ask me “do you think my boyfriend is capable of cheating on me?” Here would be my answer to you:
In the right circumstances, yes, yes he would. However, in the right circumstances YOU would cheat on your boyfriend as well. Lets stay with this thinking and figure out what those “right circumstances” are for him to cheat on you.
There are many reasons that men can cheat. I am going to go over a few of the most common reasons below.
Reason 1- To Feed His Ego
Being able to seduce a woman properly for a man is the closest thing we have to feeling like a god. Every guy wants to know that he still “has” it.
Reason 2- He Literally Cannot Say No
How can I put this without seeming…. disgusting.
Ok, lets pretend for a second that I am dating you and I am a perfect boyfriend. I am very committed to you and the thought of cheating on you has not entered my mind once. Then along comes a girl who I work with. She is a perfect “10” and you begin to feel threatened. She starts coming on to me and practically gives me an open invitation for s*x.
While, I don’t want to cheat on you the open invitation is there with a perfect ten. I can’t pass up this opportunity. So, I commence to cheat on you by sleeping with this girl (sorry 🙁 .)
Some guys will cheat on women even though they don’t want to. They are just too weak to turn the other woman down.
(My personal view- These men are idiots but they exist unfortunately.)
Reason 3- Long Distance
Men are very sexual creatures as well as visual ones. It is going to be really tough for us to stay 100% committed to a girl we are dating if she is never around to meet our “desires.” So, once we start to get really horny we will begin to look elsewhere to get those needs met.
And why we are on the topic of sex…
Reason 4- Our Sexual Needs Were Not Met By You
There are two things I would like to address here. The first one is if you don’t sleep with your boyfriend. Personally speaking, I think it is entirely up to you. However, your boyfriend may not feel the same way. One of the big reasons men like to date is for the “company” of another woman. If he isn’t getting his needs met by you again, he will look elsewhere.
The second thing I would like to address is if you aren’t very good in bed. It’s not only girls that talk about stuff like this, we do too!
So, your boyfriend is now your “ex boyfriend.”
I put this section together because I want to show you what goes through the mind of a male AFTER a breakup. Now, I am not going to pull any punches here so some of this stuff may be hard to hear.
Also, I think it is important to point out that just because I say something in this section doesn’t mean it specifically applies to your ex. Each member of the male gender is unique in their own way and while I think I have a pretty good grasp on the average male it is entirely possible that your boyfriend could be different than the ones I am talking about here.
Now that we have the disclaimer out of the way let’s begin!
Long Relationships Take A Toll..
Women generally think that the longer you are in a relationship with someone the stronger your overall bond is with that person. When it comes to men I am not sure I buy into this theory.
Look, I am literally behind the scenes listening to every conversation you wish you could hear (that men talk about.) When it comes to the length of relationships men don’t always view long relationships the way you do. Being together with one person for a really long time can kind of take a toll on us.
The initial newness that was so exciting when you first started dating that person has worn off and things can tend to get a little bit stale. This usually is a contributing reason to a man breaking up with you seemingly out of nowhere.
I actually learned this concept from a buddy of mine who has been dating someone for close to 5 years. While they are still together today he literally told me these exact words.
“I am kind of getting bored with her man. We have been together so long that we just know everything about each other. I kind of want to leave her just to experience something new and then come back to her later.”
Their Mindset After The Breakup
Remember a few sections back I talked about a major difference between men and women being the fact that men don’t know how to deal with emotions? I have actually worked with both men and women through Ex Boyfriend Recovery (yes, believe it or not but some men actually want my help to get their girlfriends back.) The thing I learned is that men typically don’t deal with breakups as well as women do.
I pin this on the fact that women are used to dealing with the emotions that one would experience after a hurtful breakup. Men on the other hand push any type of emotion away and it can sometimes set them down a self destructive path without them even being aware of it.
So, a males first thought after a breakup will typically go something like this:
“I’ll show her..”
The only problem is that he “shows her” by getting drunk with his friends, poorly hitting on girls or entering into multiple rebound relationships.
All of the initial behavior above is usually done very quickly after the breakup. It is a mans way of pushing the pain back so he won’t have to deal with it. Here is the problem with it though, eventually the feelings will come and when that happens men usually have no clue how to handle them.
I have been by the side of my fellow “bros” after a breakup. Want to know something interesting I learned just from watching them?
At the beginning, right after a breakup, they are super happy about it. They will say things like “good riddance”, “I am actually glad she did this, now I can be free” or my personal favorite “best decision ever.”
Here is the problem with what they are saying though. They are men and men have to be viewed as tough and unemotional. If they show any sign of weakness (like the fact that he really might miss you) his buddies are going to look at him funny.
It isn’t until about six months later when he has a few drinks too many that he dishes on his true feelings:
“All I ever wanted was for her to take me back…”
A Final Word
So, that’s it! The ultimate guide to understanding a boyfriend! I know I didn’t cover everything I could but I feel I did go over a lot of the most pressing questions. If there is something else you would like me to write about just tell me in the comments. If you would like help dissecting your boyfriend or ex boyfriends actions as always I am here so ask away!
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