Boyfriends are confusing aren’t they? The way they act, the things they do and the dumb stuff they say. In this complete guide I am going to attempt to help women understand every aspect about a man that they can imagine.
Look at it this way, I am a male who has a pretty good grasp over the psychology of other males. I have gone behind the lines for you and I am about to relay some of the most personal details that your boyfriends or ex boyfriends would never want you to know.
It is my hope that you use this page to better understand men and how to deal with them in certain situations. In essence, use this page for good, not evil.
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How This Guide Is Set Up
It took me a while to figure out how to put some structure into this page. You see, when I first started brainstorming this idea I had a lot of great things to talk about but no structure to fit them into. It wasn’t until one of my visitors emailed me with a topic request that the lightbulb finally went off.
This page is going to be divided into three major sections.
- Pre Relationship (Understanding single males)
- In A Relationship (Understanding boyfriends)
- Post Relationship (Understanding ex boyfriends)
How does it work? I am going to be diving into the mindset of a single guy before he gets into a serious relationship. Then, once I cover everything that I think needs to be covered there I will start talking about what happens to the mind of a male when he is in a relationship. Finally, I am going to dive in to what you can expect from an ex boyfriend after a relationship.
It is my goal to create the most complete and educational guide on men found online for free. I hope you enjoy the ride!
There is one last thing I would like to mention before we get started though. I am assuming that a lot of you are interested in getting your ex boyfriends back. Well, maybe not a lot but some of you are. Since this is a site on “recovering” your ex I took two months to write a complete guide on how to actually get an ex boyfriend or husband back. I am confident in saying that it is the best guide to have ever graced the internet (I am a little biased though.) Anyways, if you are interested in checking that out you can click the link below:
Pre Relationship
How does the saying go?
“Men only care about one thing… sex.”
Well, I am here to tell you that it isn’t true. Of course, it is a lot of what they think about but there is more to men than you would initially believe. In fact, I would make the argument that they are just as complex as women are. In this section of the page I am going to be talking about men who are single and some of the thoughts that go through their head.
The Way They Think
I think men who are single and want to be single have a certain “game plan” that they follow when they go out “on the prowl.” Most men, will look to sleep around with as many girls as they can because to them it is a bragging right. Of course, in their own sick way they use this behavior as an excuse to find the one special girl that is worthy enough to date
I know that is a little confusing so allow me to elaborate. One of my best friends, who is much older now, told me a story about his younger days. He used to sleep with as many girls as he possibly could. While he was a bit of a jerk to them there was something deeper in him that caused him to sleep around so much. He was looking for that one girl that could fulfill him in ways that others could not.
While I am not condoning or praising men who sleep around a lot I do think there is a deeper reasoning for their behavior.
Men Are Insecure, You Just Don’t Know It
One of the most interesting qualities about women is the fact that they love to talk about everything. They talk about their feelings, their boy troubles and their friends. Men don’t do that. In fact, we don’t like doing that at all (except talking about girls we love that.)
I thought a lot about why we are that way and I think I have come up with a really good reason for it. Lets take the two genders, men and women.
Men are often known for being physical beings while women are not. Men would hunt while women would gather. However, while women were doing their gathering they were also doing something else, talking. Women were developing their social skills while men worked solely on their physical skills.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI don’t think anybody would debate the fact that if a man was pitted in a physical fight with a woman the man would win that pairing. However, where women excel is in the social aspect of life. Men simply can’t compare, we don’t understand how to express our true feelings.
This leads me to my point, inside every single man is an insecure little boy (myself included.) Some guys don’t like the way they look, others are insecure about the size of their… ahem… equipment. Then you will always have the guy who has absolutely no confidence what-so-ever.
Here is where a monkey wrench gets thrown into the equation though. I actually think that males would be great at talking about their feelings and communicating properly if it weren’t for other guys.
Remember above when I said that men would hunt while the women would gather? Well, on that “hunt” men learned very quickly that any sign of weakness would practically have him killed by the other males. The same principle applies today. Any sign of “emotions” that a guy expresses in front of his male friends is a surefire way to have him made fun of.
My best friend in the world has only shown true emotion to me one time in his entire life. It was after his girlfriend broke up with him and he got really drunk to the point where he had essentially no control over what he was saying.
We Think About Women All The Time
Women are fascinating creatures to all men. Nothing trumps a beautiful woman walking into the bar, store or classroom. I am fascinated by women I am not going to lie. However, what fascinates me more is the effect that they have on the rest of the world. For example, I remember being in an accounting class my second semester in College. A beautiful girl walked in to the classroom. I am talking about the kind of girl that you just can’t take your eyes off of.
Here was the funniest part about it though, I started watching the rest of the classroom react to her presence. The men were absolutely captivated and the women absolutely hated the competition. It was a fascinating thing to watch.
Looks Vs. Personality
I am going to be blunt here. Looks will almost always win over personality (in the beginning stages.) If we are going by a looks rating scale of one to ten a nine is going to get away with having a two personality.
That may seem like bad news but here is the interesting part about it. Men are initially shallow, however once you get to know their true self they can surprise you with how deep they can be. While every man dreams of having a perfect ten around his arm if she has a horrible personality it is going to really start to annoy him and result in a potential breakup down the road.
Any time a male friend of mine who has a really beautiful girlfriend breaks up with her, I ask him “what happened?” His first words always go like this:
“I know she is really hot dude, but (insert personality issue.)”
So, a saying that you need to live by is, looks get you in the door but personality is really what keeps a guy around. Now, I do realize that I run a site on helping women get their ex boyfriends back and this statement (personality is what keeps them) might rub some people the wrong way.
For people feeling like this I just want to point out that you can’t change your looks but you can improve your personality!
The Jitters
It is terrifying to go up and talk to a beautiful woman. I think a lot of guys are like me in this regard. They see a beautiful woman walk in the room and immediately get a little nervous.
The prettier the girl is the more terrifying the prospect is to go up and talk to her. I have literally been so nervous in this situation that I have shaken uncontrollably.
It wasn’t so much that I was worried that I was going to fail, I was more worried about what the girl would think about me. Would she be flattered? Would she think I am desperate? Do I smell ok?
So many thoughts rush through a mans head when he is put in a room with a girl he truly has a crush on. I feel I can really explain this quite well because I have some epic failures in this regard. Now, no one wants to hear about the wins so I am going to take you step by step through one of my failures at trying to get girls I thought were pretty. I think it will be an interesting look at how a real life male approaches asking a pretty girl out.
Let me give you a little background here. I was taking a three hour biology class in college about two years ago. In the classroom was a girl that I found attractive. This doesn’t happen to me very often anymore but I was literally obsessed with asking this girl out.
The only problem was that we sat on opposite sides of the room. Now, the thing about me is that if I really want something I will do everything in power to get it. I really wanted this girls number so I began to hatch a plan.
I remember I had a whole conversation planned. I was going to wait outside the hall with one of my friends, which we already did every single day, and when she walked by I was going to initiate a conversation. I wouldn’t ask for her number there, I was just going to introduce myself so I was on her radar.
The moment was finally here, there she was walking towards the classroom with one of her friends, this was it, I was going to do it! I took a step forward and the jitters kicked in and I took a step back like a coward. The fear had seized me and I froze.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI remember specifically going back home that night and being so disappointed in myself. How could I fail like that? What happened to me? It stuck with me, the inability to even give it a shot.
The lesson I want you to take here is that men are absolutely terrified to initiate conversations with pretty women.
Something You Didn’t Know
I would like to keep in line with what we were talking about in the section above. Society dictates that men are the ones that have to make the first move on women. It has always been that way ever since I have learned about “the game.” However, as I demonstrated above a lot of times a really good guy might fail at approaching a woman he really likes and she would never know he even existed.
One secret that no one ever talks about is how much guys actually like it when a woman approaches them instead of the other way around. I know this is supposed to be a website about getting your ex back. BUT in the event that you don’t get your ex boyfriend back I think this section could be useful to you.
Having a woman approaching a man instead of the other way around is a great way to land a date. I will say though that there is a good way to do this and a bad way. You have to be really careful when you do this because if done wrong it can be a turnoff to a guy. However, if done right it is extremely flattering. I have actually had this done to me the right way and it was awesome. It was such an ego boost and I immediately had feelings for the girl.
I would say the best way for a woman to approach a guy is to do it subtly. If it seems forced or if you come in too over-confident it can be a turnoff. Lets talk a little bit about what I mean by “over-confident.” A woman who is extremely over-confident and perhaps a little pushy can be a turnoff for a guy. I had an over-confident girl try this on me and it was just embarrassing and uncomfortable for me.
Yes, you want to be confident and sure of yourself but don’t take things to an extreme. You want your approach to be natural and graceful. Not fast and overbearing. Once you make your approach make sure you look the guy right in the eyes and don’t say a word. Have a nice smile on your face while you do this. It WILL create an awkward but electric silence. The awkward silence the guy will want to fill in with words.
Peer Pressure From Friends
Here is something that you probably didn’t know about men, their friends matter a lot more than you think. Have you ever seen the movie Hitch with Will Smith? In the movie there is a scene where he is trying to teach Kevin James’ character about getting a woman he likes. In the scene he explains to him that “the night isn’t about winning over the girl, it’s about winning over her friends.”
The same logic can actually be a applied to men as well. A man’s friends can make or break a girlfriend. For example, some men have friends that will do everything in their power to sabotage a relationship if they don’t like the girl. One thing I also know is that a woman’s attractiveness can fall if the guys friends don’t think she is attractive. It is a peer pressure type of a deal.
A guy can really like a girl and think she is the hottest thing on this planet. However, if his friends start ragging on him about dating her then she loses some luster for him.
I am sad to say that this has happened to me but in a reverse way, which is why I know about this phenomenon. My buddy once tried to set me up with a girl who I didn’t find very attractive. The thing was that all my other male friends found her attractive so like a fool I took her on a date “just to see.” The thing was though, I never really found her attractive. I was just doing it based solely on peer pressure.
Family, Friends And Experiences Shape How Men Treat Women
In this section I would like to talk a little bit about how men treat women. Generally speaking, there are three major forces that shape how a man views and treats women. Those three forces are:
- Family
- Friends
- Experiences
Lets take a moment and have an in-depth look at each one.
Family
I started with family first because this is really the biggest force. From an early age a child will learn about how the world works through studying how his or her parents react to certain situations. When it comes to relationships the rules are no different. If from an early age a little boy sees his or her parents constantly fighting that is going to be burned into his character.
I absolutely love my parents. I don’t think I could have a better pair. The two of them are still married and did everything right in my eyes. They taught me from an early age how women should be treated and how to look at the good in life instead of the bad. Through their teachings and the example they set in their marriage I don’t have any “one night stands” or “short relationships.” Any time I date someone you can expect me to be committed to that person for a long time. That is just the way I am.
Of course, I am that way because of my family. They shaped who I am and the way I act.
Friends
You are who you surround yourself with. I talked a lot about the peer pressure of friends in the section above. Well, another thing that friends can do is teach you how to treat women (or how not to.) I can honestly say that I have learned a lot about women just from watching my best friend interact with them in his various relationships.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI study his his girlfriends, befriend them in order to get their perspective and hear all the behind the scenes information. I know which behaviors he did that turned them off and on.
Now, I also have friends that are total jerks to women. I have had friends that have cheated multiple times and done just about every imaginable horrible thing to their girlfriends…. actually, now that I think about it I am not their friends anymore.
“Hmm… how bout that 😉 .”
Anyways, a guy who has a friend that is a total jerk to women is faced with two choices. He can either:
- Decide to never do what he just witnessed to his own girlfriend.
- Copy the behavior.
I know what you are thinking “why would he want to copy that type of behavior?”
It’s actually quite simple, I have noticed a trend with guys who are jerks and guys who are nice. Guys who are jerks tend to get the girls. They have the “bad boy” appeal. Now, before you barrage me with criticism for this statement I do want to point out that there are exceptions to every rule but among the “bro community” the belief is that the jerks get the girls.
Men may be pretty dumb but eventually we do learn. If we act like a total jerk and a girl accepts us then our stupid behavior has just been validated by the girl and we will continue that behavior until it stops working.
The best example I can think of to drive this point home comes with these pickup artist communities. Did you know that there are entire communities that are devoted to picking up girls? Oh, and FYI they are extremely good at it. They tape themselves running their “game” and getting chicks to prove that it works. I found it extremely entertaining to be honest. However, the problem I saw right off the bat is that the teachers in these communities are essentially teaching behaviors that will force most men to fake their personalities. Sure, they might succeed at getting their target but no girl wants to have a lasting relationship with someone who is faking their personality.
The allure to the whole community is that every guy wants to be looked at as a “ladies man.” Every guy wants to have the power to walk up to any girl at a bar and maker her weak in the knees. So, when men are presented with certain steps that can turn them into their idea of a “ladies man” they flock trying to learn the behavior that will get them there.
Experiences
This one is a pretty big one too. A mans own experiences with women will dictate how he treats them in the future. You see this a lot with men (and women) who have been cheated on in the past. They usually enter a new relationship with someone very cautiously and have serious trust issues.
In the end, for men it all boils down to being looked at as a weaker male. I know this sounds crazy and I think this is a primal thought within, but for a male who was cheated on in the past he loses a bit of his manhood. Thus, he is going to be extremely cautious about entering into a relationship with another girl in the future. And if he does enter into that new relationship he is going to be very uncomfortable about the girl going out with any guy friends she may have.
The best example I can think of to demonstrate this point is by citing the experiences of one of my buddies (and how he reacted to it.) My friend wasn’t always a nice guy. He was a bit wild in his youth and that was kind of what made him fun. However, the experience I am about to tell you about changed him.
My wild friend ended up getting married at a very young age, 23 I believe. I never met his wife because I met him a couple of years after his divorce from her. Anyways, he was married to her for a total of about five years. During those five years she cheated on him eight times with eight different men. Oh, and those are just the ones he knows about. The heartache he felt from that experience changed him. He has been divorced from her for five years now and he hasn’t been on a date since.
In A Relationship
Now the fun truly begins. In this major section of the guide we are going to be focusing on understanding men who are in relationships. This will be especially helpful for women currently in relationships or even women who aren’t (they can finally understand what men were thinking.) So, rather than go on and on I would just like to drive right in.
Not Different But Different
I am in one of those rare positions where I am actually qualified to say that I personally don’t believe that women and men are too different. We both want to find love, we both want to have sex and we both want to be worshipped and desired. Of course, there are members of both genders that will cheat and use people.
So, at our core men and women are on the same wavelength. However, while we may agree on many things there are also some differences between us. It is those differences that are often overlooked.
I swear, women have a secret code when they talk about things. They could be talking about one thing but dropping hints in that conversation that mean entirely different things. Other women understand this and are able to pick up on this hints and see between the lines. Men however, are not like this.
When men talk to other men we don’t have a secret code. We are straightforward and to the point.
“Hey, look at that really hot girl over there.”
“Dude, I was with this girl last night and…”
Thus, we are presented with our first major difference in the relationship. Women don’t understand that men can’t crack their girl talk code and men don’t understand that she isn’t being straightforward when she says “I am fine, I don’t want to talk about it.” It all boils down to communication and the fact that men often don’t talk girl code.
Have you ever heard of projective empathy? When I was researching the “girl talk vs bro talk” phenomenon this phrase kept constantly coming up. Basically, projective empathy is the belief that everyone will view the world in the way that we do. This can explain why women sometimes wonder why he never listens.
Well, it may be that he is capable of listening but you aren’t communicating with him the right way for him to listen. Like I said, men are straightforward when they have conversations so if you want a serious conversation make sure you speak to him on his wavelength. Now, there are cases where men won’t be straightforward and I will talk about those a little later in this guide but for now lets move on.
Visual (A Misunderstanding On What Women Find Attractive)
This section is a knock on men more than anything. However, I think you will find it fascinating. Men have a complete misunderstanding of what women find attractive. I think I have stated multiple times that men are visual creatures. We can see a really beautiful woman across the bar and have an instant attraction and while women can have that experience too it usually isn’t on the level that men feel.
This is why you get guys who send naked pictures or d*ck pics to women. More often than not, women are completely grossed out by this. The problem lies in the fact that a guy will think sending a picture like that is a complete turn on to a woman. I have learned that women are not like that. Women want detailed and emotional language that can turn them on, not a poorly done naked picture.
Unfortunately, some men have cracked the “detailed and emotional” code and use it against women. There will always be men like that….
Why Your Boyfriend Will Lie To You
I want to state on the record that I am not playing favorites here. I think an argument can be made that women lie just as much as men. I have been lied to so many times by women that it’s ridiculous (through this site especially I am looking at you people who blame cheating on being too drunk.) However, this is a guide on helping women better understand their boyfriends or exes so I am just going to be focusing on that.
Men will lie about all sorts of things. Here are just a few off the top of my head.
- How you look.
- Going out with other girls
- A night out with the boys
Sometimes we will lie about small things and then sometimes we will lie about big things. The real question here is why does we lie? Well, I can tell you that when we lie about the small things it is because we sense you will absolutely freak out if we tell you the truth.
What’s that famous phrase?
“All men are liars?”
Well yea, but the sky is also blue so there you go. Besides, all women are all liars too. Everyone in a relationship will lie at one point. The better phrase that should replace “all men are liars” is “why are all men liars?”
There are really three major reasons why a man will lie to you.
Reason 1- You Are Testing Us
A few sections ago I talked about how women have their own “morse code.” Do you realize what that is like? It feels like we are constantly being tested.
“Do I look fat in this?”
“Do you think that girl is attractive?”
“Do you wish you were single?”
Now, those are some really general examples (examples that we can crack by the way.) We recognize that these questions are a trap and h*ll will freeze over before we fall into it.
I mean, can you imagine if we did tell you that you looked fat in the dress or that sometimes we do wish that we were single? Something tells me that would not go too well.
Reason 2- You People Are REALLY Scary
I am not going to lie to you (no pun intended.) Women scare me. Right now I am single and I get scared even walking up to a pretty girl. However, it’s a whole different ball game when you are in a relationship with one.
I can say without a doubt the thing that scares boyfriends the most is the emotional factor women bring to the table. The simple fact of the matter is that women know how to handle emotions and men do not.
I have been in situations before where I have been standing in front of an emotional girlfriend and have literally have frozen. It’s a simple defense mechanism guys have, freezing up. We don’t know what to do with all those emotions.
At a young age millions of men and I learned that if you were completely up front and honest with a girl that she would COMPLETELY FREAK OUT ON US AND SHOW US HER SCARY EMOTIONS.
Sometimes, the different between telling you the truth and telling you a white lie is all that stands between us getting lucky or kicked out for the night.
Given those choices… white lie please!
Now, I do want to say that most boyfriends aren’t lying to you to be cruel. Sure, there are some bad apples that will do that but as a whole we are doing it because we want you to be happy and we don’t want to be in a position where we have to deal with your emotions. We just aren’t equipped to handle them.
Reason 3- Jack Dawson, Edward (Twilight), The Prince From Disney Movies
I don’t like them… at all..
How can I compare to Leonardo DiCaprio?
I wish Buffy the Vampire Slayer would do her job and take care of Edward.
Disney prince…. Ugh…
How can any guy live up to the expectations that these FAKE characters set? Remember, these characters are not real but they are what society thinks men have to be.
So, how do men live up to that? Simple, we lie to make up for the fact that we aren’t the “perfect guy.” That is why a lot of women say things like “oh, he changed during the relationship” or “he wasn’t who I thought he was.” Well, it’s because guys constantly have to put on a facade because deep down there is a little girl in you that wants her own prince charming. Don’t lie ;).
Why Boyfriends Stop Complimenting You
Have you ever wondered why your boyfriend stops complimenting you over time? Sure, there is always a honeymoon period when you first date where it seems like nothing can go wrong but eventually the strain of the relationship takes it’s toll and the compliments that were once routine never seem to come anymore.
I have discovered an interesting phenomenon by using my own experience in a relationship. Women, sometimes without meaning to, can deny that a man is telling the truth when he compliments her.
Let me give you an in-depth example here:
Years ago I was dating a girl who didn’t think she was very pretty. Any time she would express concern over the way she looked I would immediately say “stop it, you are pretty!” The problem was that she didn’t believe me. For some reason, she though I was just saying it for the sake of saying it.
Now, if you know me really well you would know that I am not wired that way. I am very up front with how I am feeling and what I am thinking. Yet, this girl refused to accept my compliment.
It actually made me angry after a while and I slowly but surely began to lose my feelings for her.
Does He Really Love You In The Relationship?
I get a lot of questions like this every single day:
“Chris, my ex boyfriend moved on to a new girl really quickly. Did he even love me in our time together?”
“I need help. I don’t think my boyfriend ever loved me.”
In this section I am going to briefly settle the score on whether or not your boyfriend loved you during your relationship with him.
The truth is, most boyfriends love their girlfriends most of the time. Sure, there is an odd case here and there where he was totally playing you or just telling you what you want to hear. But I can say that most of the time at one point in the relationship he really had extremely strong feelings for you.
Where women typically run into trouble here is that they can frustrate their boyfriends when they need to be constantly reassured that what he is feeling is real.
Some women just like to hear it over and over again. Others just refuse to accept it with a mindset of “how could he love me?”
I can tell you what I personally hate. Having to tell someone over and over again that I love them (and them not believe me.) The problem is that some women just don’t accept it. Do you realize what a giant slap in the face that is? It’s like someone constantly coming up to you and saying:
“Yea, your love isn’t good enough for me.”
The more that a man has to work to show a woman that he is “in love” with her the less he becomes “in love” with her.
Another pet peeve of mine is when a woman tells me to “prove your love to me.”
Again, that is like a giant slap in the face because it makes you feel so insignificant. The second a man starts having to “prove his love” to a woman the second he begins falling out of love with her.
His Wandering Eye
This is a real sensitive topic for women.
“Does he think she is prettier than me?”
“Does he wish I looked like that?”
“Is he going to leave me for someone who looks like that?”
Psst…. I am going to tell you a secret. MEN ARE GOING TO LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO! We like to look at other women because it feels good to look at them.
Most men want to fantasize about them. They want their minds to run wild with all kinds of dirty thoughts. Most women take great offense to this fact but I don’t think they should. It is literally impossible for a man to NOT look at a woman. What do you want him to do? Go lock him in his room and never let him come out.
Eventually when he goes out into the world he is going to be face to face with a beautiful woman and he can’t help but look at her. It is important to remember that you shouldn’t be insecure if he looks at other women. In fact, I would say that if he was faithful to you during the course of your relationship but had a tendency of “looking at other women” it doesn’t really have any bearing on how he truly feels about you.
I can tell you personally that I have been uber committed to my own relationship but if a pretty girl walks by I’m not going to cover my eyes. I am probably going to look, think to myself,
“Wow, shes pretty.”
And then continue thinking about how I am going to surprise the girl I am dating with something.
The big takeaway I want you to get from this is that him looking at other chicks doesn’t affect how he feels about you one bit.
Lets dive a bit deeper in this line of thinking for a moment now. I have found that women who catch their men eyeing other women are faced with two choices.
They can choose not to get emotional and realize that him looking at other women is just harmless.
or
They can go totally bonkers and see nothing but RED for the next few weeks.
A woman who remains emotionally stable and trusts her relationship has a much better chance at keeping her man happy and attracted to her in the long run. The real problems begin if you show your insecurity towards him looking at other girls.
The Cheaters
What I am about to tell you is going to scare you.
Did you know that cheating is actually very common?
Between 30 and 60 percent of married people have admitted to cheating during their marriage. And before you jump on the “I hate men” bandwagon ladies, you aren’t exactly angels yourself. That statistic includes both men AND WOMEN.
Now, are you really ready to get scared?
80% of people admit to cheating on girlfriends or boyfriends during some point of their lives. Yes, you read that right, EIGHTY PERCENT! The key takeaway here is that cheating is extremely common.
If you were to ask me “do you think my boyfriend is capable of cheating on me?” Here would be my answer to you:
In the right circumstances, yes, yes he would. However, in the right circumstances YOU would cheat on your boyfriend as well. Lets stay with this thinking and figure out what those “right circumstances” are for him to cheat on you.
There are many reasons that men can cheat. I am going to go over a few of the most common reasons below.
Reason 1- To Feed His Ego
Being able to seduce a woman properly for a man is the closest thing we have to feeling like a god. Every guy wants to know that he still “has” it.
Reason 2- He Literally Cannot Say No
How can I put this without seeming…. disgusting.
Ok, lets pretend for a second that I am dating you and I am a perfect boyfriend. I am very committed to you and the thought of cheating on you has not entered my mind once. Then along comes a girl who I work with. She is a perfect “10” and you begin to feel threatened. She starts coming on to me and practically gives me an open invitation for s*x.
While, I don’t want to cheat on you the open invitation is there with a perfect ten. I can’t pass up this opportunity. So, I commence to cheat on you by sleeping with this girl (sorry 🙁 .)
Some guys will cheat on women even though they don’t want to. They are just too weak to turn the other woman down.
(My personal view- These men are idiots but they exist unfortunately.)
Reason 3- Long Distance
Men are very sexual creatures as well as visual ones. It is going to be really tough for us to stay 100% committed to a girl we are dating if she is never around to meet our “desires.” So, once we start to get really horny we will begin to look elsewhere to get those needs met.
And why we are on the topic of sex…
Reason 4- Our Sexual Needs Were Not Met By You
There are two things I would like to address here. The first one is if you don’t sleep with your boyfriend. Personally speaking, I think it is entirely up to you. However, your boyfriend may not feel the same way. One of the big reasons men like to date is for the “company” of another woman. If he isn’t getting his needs met by you again, he will look elsewhere.
The second thing I would like to address is if you aren’t very good in bed. It’s not only girls that talk about stuff like this, we do too!
Post Relationship
So, your boyfriend is now your “ex boyfriend.”
Bummer :(.
I put this section together because I want to show you what goes through the mind of a male AFTER a breakup. Now, I am not going to pull any punches here so some of this stuff may be hard to hear.
Also, I think it is important to point out that just because I say something in this section doesn’t mean it specifically applies to your ex. Each member of the male gender is unique in their own way and while I think I have a pretty good grasp on the average male it is entirely possible that your boyfriend could be different than the ones I am talking about here.
Now that we have the disclaimer out of the way let’s begin!
Long Relationships Take A Toll..
Women generally think that the longer you are in a relationship with someone the stronger your overall bond is with that person. When it comes to men I am not sure I buy into this theory.
Look, I am literally behind the scenes listening to every conversation you wish you could hear (that men talk about.) When it comes to the length of relationships men don’t always view long relationships the way you do. Being together with one person for a really long time can kind of take a toll on us.
The initial newness that was so exciting when you first started dating that person has worn off and things can tend to get a little bit stale. This usually is a contributing reason to a man breaking up with you seemingly out of nowhere.
I actually learned this concept from a buddy of mine who has been dating someone for close to 5 years. While they are still together today he literally told me these exact words.
“I am kind of getting bored with her man. We have been together so long that we just know everything about each other. I kind of want to leave her just to experience something new and then come back to her later.”
Their Mindset After The Breakup
Remember a few sections back I talked about a major difference between men and women being the fact that men don’t know how to deal with emotions? I have actually worked with both men and women through Ex Boyfriend Recovery (yes, believe it or not but some men actually want my help to get their girlfriends back.) The thing I learned is that men typically don’t deal with breakups as well as women do.
I pin this on the fact that women are used to dealing with the emotions that one would experience after a hurtful breakup. Men on the other hand push any type of emotion away and it can sometimes set them down a self destructive path without them even being aware of it.
So, a males first thought after a breakup will typically go something like this:
“I’ll show her..”
The only problem is that he “shows her” by getting drunk with his friends, poorly hitting on girls or entering into multiple rebound relationships.
All of the initial behavior above is usually done very quickly after the breakup. It is a mans way of pushing the pain back so he won’t have to deal with it. Here is the problem with it though, eventually the feelings will come and when that happens men usually have no clue how to handle them.
I have been by the side of my fellow “bros” after a breakup. Want to know something interesting I learned just from watching them?
At the beginning, right after a breakup, they are super happy about it. They will say things like “good riddance”, “I am actually glad she did this, now I can be free” or my personal favorite “best decision ever.”
Here is the problem with what they are saying though. They are men and men have to be viewed as tough and unemotional. If they show any sign of weakness (like the fact that he really might miss you) his buddies are going to look at him funny.
It isn’t until about six months later when he has a few drinks too many that he dishes on his true feelings:
“All I ever wanted was for her to take me back…”
A Final Word
So, that’s it! The ultimate guide to understanding a boyfriend! I know I didn’t cover everything I could but I feel I did go over a lot of the most pressing questions. If there is something else you would like me to write about just tell me in the comments. If you would like help dissecting your boyfriend or ex boyfriends actions as always I am here so ask away!
ayesha ig
September 6, 2019 at 1:42 pm
I am in a relationship. I never really understood him for a very long time , never really understood his feelings and did not know to comfort him. i did all these unknowingly, cos of my addiction towards him. He comforted me, supported me during the times i felt depressed or hurt. But i could not understand his feelings in the times where he felt alone,
and hence couldn’t comfort him. He tells me all his feelings but i failed to understand him and sometimes found faults in him, made him feel worse. When he told me my faults, disadvantages and all, to me , at the time where he felt lonely and needed support, i took those words offensive and got hurt, cos of which he got hurt again. He was getting hurt every time he told me his feelings, this was happening for a very long time and i didn’t realize my behavior. Even after all these things, he wants me to be happy and not get hurt. He asked for a break, cos of which i got very angry. During the break, i thought of all the mistakes i did, realized them and felt really guilty for all that.
I apologized to him, he forgave me, but he told that he wasn’t feeling anything as because he was completely broken and would take months to get his own self back, and didn’t know if he will be able to gain his feelings towards me back.
Both of us are complete opposites in personalities cos of which we have a lot of conflicts in decisions based on emotions. How can i win him back? fix his heart? and become more understanding to the level of his expectations? Handling him is really tough especially at times when he expresses his insecurity feelings. Both of us can’t move on, and don’t even want to, cos we love each other madly.
Briggette
February 4, 2019 at 8:56 pm
Hey Chris,
I really enjoyed your column here, very well written and informative!
I do have a question regarding my boyfriend. We started off the relationship rocky, before we were even dating but “hanging out” I slept with someone for the sole purpose of seeing if I could do it w.o feelings. I can, it sucked. It hurt him and that’s the worst part of it all. I told him I wanted to do it and he in a sense encouraged me, I even told him after it happened. He was hurt obviously, but we manged to move past and start dating. I really fell for him and he seemed to have really fallen for me. We would go on trips and booze cruises all the time. Now we don’t even do much if anything, it is his busiest time of the year. He did warn me. We have had issues with men messaging me in the past but never with me continuing anything, I’ve never cheated on him or done ANYTHING that would be considered cheating. He however thinks otherwise and there’s no changing his mind, even when I have proof. It’s all excuses. Now for about 2 months he’s been quite distant or not very affectionate unless it’s materialistic stuff or sex. I almost hate receiving gifts, it’s always been a way of someone to “make up for doing something wrong or hurting me” so I guess I associate that with it. I’d rather him touch my arms or grab my legs than buy me another item. Not that I don’t appreciate all of it, I just want more of him. And he sort of gets upset when I talk to him about that. He sat me down last week again about the men that message me, and I told him that I never reply. I block them or delete them. But he gets mad anyway, I want to make him trust me and confident in the relationship, I want him to be comfortable again but I don’t know how. Can you please help. I really like this guy and even more than that I guess I could say I L this guy, but I can’t say anything until I know where he’s at. I just don’t want to get hurt again.
Chris Seiter
February 4, 2019 at 9:22 pm
Hi Briggette!
Thanks for your very kind words. He seems influenced by his jealousies. If that is getting in the way, then be an open book and fully transparent. Tell him you invite his scrutiny These things can take some time as the prior episode is in his head,but it will be diminished and finally leave in time.
Rakshita kanojia
January 12, 2018 at 3:09 pm
Hey EBR team , I just cannot understand what my ex boyfriend wants .
I tried to be in no contact but he will contact me in every two weeks , we would fight and let it go . he blocked me for all the social media after the breakup , few days ago while I was in NC he unblocked me I thought he just want to be on good terms and won’t initiate contact after that so I did unblock him .
Later that night he started the conversation it was very flirtious and he said like two to three times that he terribly missed me , if I’m talking to another guy . he saved my pictures the one I send him on Snapchat , he sends me snap of every single thing .
I asked him about all this , that why did he came back suddenly and he responded saying that I am making a big deal and these questions are giving him a headache , it looked from his texts that he wanted to be friends that’s all .
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 14, 2018 at 10:43 pm
Hi Rakshita,
He misses you out of habit.. that doesn’t mean he wants you back.. so, if you’re going to do nc again.. Stick to at least 30 days, don’t initiate nor reply if he does..
Rose
September 21, 2017 at 9:41 pm
I would like some advise on my exboyfriends behavior. Can you help?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 27, 2017 at 1:02 pm
Hi Rose,
What’s his behavior?
Nikolas
March 10, 2017 at 10:36 am
Can you make the same article on girlfriend on exgirlfriendrecovery.com?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 13, 2017 at 2:06 pm
Hi Nikolas,
Thank you for your suggestion! I’ll forward this to Chris! 🙂
Jurr
January 3, 2017 at 1:26 pm
Hey! I have a quick question. Currently I am in the first texting phase with my ex boyfriend after a successful 30 day no contact period. We are having short conversations and I am normally the one who ends them. But I am a bit confused. During the conversations he is quite short in his answers, but when I end the conversation he sends me xxx (which he first didn’t). What does this mean? Cause it’s a bit contradictory. Thank you!
Jurr
January 5, 2017 at 8:44 pm
Well I know he doesn’t send xxx to everbody, neither do I. And he never did since we broke up. So it is really something he did in our last three conversations. It then goes something like:
me: Well my break is over, I have to go study again!
he: Ok good luck! xxx
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 7, 2017 at 5:33 am
hmm.. that’s a good sign.. It’s just a sign off but still it’s like xoxo, just a different version.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 5, 2017 at 2:46 pm
HI Jurr,
he sends that literally? does that mean anything to the both of you? Maybe he just wants the last say.
Cathy
December 20, 2016 at 9:27 pm
I am desperate for advice.
I am in a relationship. March 2017 will be three years. We live together.
We have both been married and divorced twice. We both got married young and lasted a few years and ended in divorce. My first husband cheated, his first wife cheated. Our second marriages lasted a long time. Mine 16 years, his 11 years.
My second marriage ended because it turned into a unhealthy relationship and I finally excepted that it was.
His second marriage ended- his words , I wasn’t there- because of issues between him and his step-son that effected their marriage to the point of no return obviously.
We have a good, most times great relationship.
We have fun together, we have the same personality in alot of ways. Hes a super nice guy. He is always doing things for me, I am always doing things for him. We are people -pleaser type.
We hardly ever argue. We are the perfect couple in the bedroom..no issues there.
We both like to keep things simple and very down to earth. He loves my kids and I love his. We both make a good living. No money issues.
I think I have finally found someone that I can have a happy and healthy relationship with. Everything seems great!!
One day I jokingly said “would you marry me” and our relationship has not been the same since. Mostly because of me…his response to this was total fear in his face and he begins to explain to me that he does not believe in marriage and its just a piece of paper. Keep in mind I said this in a completely loving , joking way. I actually didnt even know where it come from. It was just one of those moments where we were wrestling around and he said something cute and I in know way was being serious.
He gave me a very serious answer.
Since this conversation I am on a regular basis questioning why wouldn’t he marry me??
he tells me I am the perfect girlfriend all the time.
This happened after us dating almost two years, had been living together for over 9 months.
Keep in my mind, we didn’t meet as strangers. We have know each other over 15 years.
just lost touch while we were married.
I explained to him, I have no real interest in getting married any time soon but at some point I do want to get married again. I dont want to be someones girlfriend of 20 years… that was my exact words.
We have since had several arguments about this issue. no one wins.
In theses arguments he has said things like: I dont see the point in it, I think you just want a title, why is it so important?, its just a piece of paper, its not going to guarantee anything, you could fall in love with someone else tomorrow, what changes if we get married, most marriages end in divorce, you should understand, you have been divorced twice too, Why cant you be happy with what we have.
My words are: I dont want to die an old maid..nobody’s wife. I dont think our marriage would end in divorce, I have faith in our relationship, Im insulted, why wouldn’t you want to marry me? why have a relationship if its not going to ever go to the next step. You never tell your girlfriend your never going to marry her.
Then after we argue he says..later of course..We will get married someday..I will do it right now if it makes you happy. The latest is “I guess I will have to marry you so we can stop having these discussions” Even once after where i said ” Fine , Im done with the whole marriage thing. I dont ever wanna get married either” he says…later of course…”are you still gonna marry me someday?”
I am so confused…..I believe marriage is a beautiful thing and just because i tried it with two wrong people, does not make me turn against the idea of marriage.
now I am questioning what his reasons really are and is it be he waiting for something better to come along? Is he still hung up on his ex-wife? who is re-married..
Is he being honest about why and how would I know if I am just someone to be with for now.
I dont want to be made a fool five years from now and find out he never intended on our relationship to last.
I find myself feeling like we should get married soon or I should move on…even though originally I had no intention of getting married any time soon and not because I dont want to marry him but just because there was no urgency for me..til i found out it might never happen.
I liked thinking it would happen someday.. he ruined that for me…and made me feel like im not good enough for him in some way.
I am not conceited but just for understanding in the physical department. I have never had trouble getting attention and get hit on all the time.
Please any insight into what is going on here??? I feel like I need a mans perspective.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 23, 2016 at 10:54 am
Hi Cathy,
I think he got tired of marriages.. He doesn’t have the same belief as yours.. Maybe for him, what matters more is that you have a healthy relationship together.. if marriage is your non-negotiable then you really have to think about if you still want to try with him..
Katrina26
December 4, 2016 at 4:52 pm
I met this wonderful guy. Cherish the ground in walked on. Bought me lavish gifts and did everything I wanted for the first 2mos. Somebody stole something from him one night and he came very cold hearted and distance to even me. I haven’t had sex with him or nothing at this point but I thought hey he’s a great guy bout time to take it to the next level plus he was acting depressed I just wanted to comfort him. Everything was good for about a week later until he started to lose more stuff because of his own irresponsibly. He never blamed me directly but he started throwing subliminal comments out there as if I took something. 1 day he lose something and as always he went into a rage. I had enough of this blowing up after losing things so I called him a few names and told him I was getting my stuff and leaving. He was angered and told me to leave he would get a new girlfriend and slammed his door. I was so mad I kicked the door open and tried talking to him to no avail. I went a week NC then called him because I knew Thanksgiving was that week and my bday the next week. He accepted my apology and was okay with seeing me. We talked it out, things seemed okay. The next day I came over 4 Thanksgiving he didn’t answer his door but later called me fussing about popping up without calling and confessed he still had a grudge bout what I did. I let him be but still talked on the phone the next 3days. We met up the 4th day to have what I thought was makeup sex. But the next few days after he texted and called me like b4 but when I asked to see him, he was busy. And he does work alot but b4 he made that special time 4 me. I saw him on the 4th day (day b4 my bday) briefly but he was still distant. He called me bright and early for my bday and called me all day like b4 but when I asked to meet up it was like pulling teeth. We spent a few hours. No gift, nothing special, just distant and a thin line between being rude. Almost like he just dealing with me but don’t really want to. I never showed no angered between these days of post breakup only let him know how much I did appreciate him and kept conversations basic. The next day after my bday I get no call. Why? It’s the next morning now and I been reading your site b4 and didn’t want to show any neediness or act desperate I just simply texted “u broke my heart.u made it very clear u don’t fuck with me like that, it’s hard to find loyal people, I don’t know why u holding onto a minor grudge when all I did was show you I care, wish u the best”. It’s been a few hours and no response. But I’m just puzzled if I should even do this NC rule to win him back or should I just accept the fact that when I kicked his door in anger he doesn’t look at me the same. Or was he just this wonderful guy in the honeymoon stage and he was always an asshole. I’m stuck. Can I get a response.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 11:40 am
HI Katrina26,
He was already treating you badly before you kicked that door.. that’s even the reason why you were pissed because he’s being a jerk for days that time right? For me, you should move on or at least do nc and then decide about whether to try again or not after nc..
Leona
October 11, 2016 at 4:30 pm
Isn’t shallow to say “I love you” within a month? or the first 2 weeks of being in gf/bf relationship?
Is that normal?
Also, is it normal that he always wants to make-out and touch my lady parts, like everyday?
Little background:
We’ve been together for a month. He was my first boyfriend. He met my family, I met his second-degree relatives.
It was fast but I’ve discovered a lot, his values and all. I broke up with him because he was too childish and asked me to choose him over my career opportunity overseas; when he promised to support me while he was courting me, now he’s making me abandon my career, stay and work here. (btw I’m 24, he’s 26)
But I still couldn’t believe how he acted everyday like he really fell for me. Always wants me to be around him (we’re office mates). Always demands me to text where I am. What I’m doing. Even a slight change in my schedule, I have to report to him. And he complains that he’s the one who’s always texting first. He doesn’t yell but he texts stuff like “are you with a guy?”, “who are you with?” “what are you wearing”, “if you really care, you would at least tell me where you are right? well if you really don’t, what can i do. Take care otw to work.”
i’m like “I don’t even report to mom.” he said, “it’s different now, you have a boyfriend now, and you’re boyfriend is like this, so just please text me”
He had issues before with cheating women but this daily reporting/texting to him became unbearable. He argued that I don’t comply, he said he’s teaching me how to be a girlfriend because I don’t know a thing, but I’m being stubborn and he feels like he’s not my first boyfriend etc, and all some nonsense stuff. Also, we’ve done bases except sex. So maybe he’s making sure I am “his”? Did I give in too early? That’s why his acting like that?
He said he’s willing to change and wants to get back together.
He’s sweet, filial, loving and loyal, despite being a ladies’ man. But all those stuff feels weird. I think there’s something off about how he treats me, I want to understand.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 5:47 pm
Hi Leona,
when you feel there’s something off, there probably is.. I think he’s insecure.. talk to him.. tell him how you feel.. because he’s being suffocating.. do it in a calm way and in a way that you’re not blaming but just trying to make him understand to make the relationship work
Anna Marie
October 4, 2016 at 12:06 pm
Hello there Chris ! I am a super fan of yours, I hope you also have a topic about why a long term boyfriend suddenly becomes confused of his feelings and how to deal with that. Thank you. I enjoy reading a lot of facts here
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 6, 2016 at 5:53 pm
Thank you Anna Marie! I’ll forward this!
aish
September 1, 2016 at 4:36 am
hai amor,
i need help.my boyfriend of 8months and i broke up last july.the reason of our break up was he hardly have any time for me anymore because of his new work schedule.so at the time i said pretty harsh things to him that eventually he agreed to the break up.i dont really mean it but he said enough he just couldnt handle it anymore.so from reading almost evry article on this site,i would say my ex already had a stanby rebound girl at the time of the breakup because he said he has no feelings for me anymore and that he is now knowing another woman.because i was too hurt i went on silent after that and didnt even try to make it right.few weeks after the break up i occasionally ask how he doing and he would reply.i guess i was waiting for him to take me back but he didnt since he is already on a rebound relationship with someone else.so after a month, i just couldnt take it anymore i went to his place to collect a few things of mine, knowing that he is there, and end up we had sex on that day.i thought thibgs would go well after that, but i was wrong.i guess i did exactly what i shouldnt do, that is being too needy and desperate to your ex and give him what he wants.now yes we are together but he never treated me the same anymore.he seldom reply my text and hardly answer my calls and he refuse to see me when he can.his reasons were texting too much is boring and that i dont trust him much now because i keep checking on him.because during our relationship i seldom check on him because i completely trust him and i know his whole heart is with me.i guess the fact that i chase after him after i was the one that said he doesnt deserve me kinda thing,i guess it blew up his ego throught the roof.so now after reading everything on this site.im on my 3rd day of 21days no contact rule.the fact that i chose 21days because his birthday is coming up on 20th sep and mine is on 30th sep(he is 10days older than me) so my 21 days of no contact rule is due on the 19th of sep.just in time to make it for his birthday if this method is successful.so my question is will this method work for our relationship eventhough we are already back together?the thing is although we are already back together but he wasnt the man i fell in love back then, who would go to the end of the world for me.now he is just some selfish dude that i dont want to be around with.will the no contact rule help me get his usual self back?knowing that he might be on a rebound relationship with someone else.its been 3 days i havent contacted him and i suddenly went cold turkey after we texted eachother how i have not change and still not listen to him.i know he must have been wondering why i have not contacted him since i have been so needy and desperate for his attention after our getting back together.i just want the same man i fall in love with.i just want another shit of him loving me and i appreciating what he does for me.he even agreed meeting my parents just a month before we broke up and he did.so that shows that he is serious with me because he never meet any of his previous girlfriend’s parent before(according to him).so please help.i am scared he will totally forget about me after this.but m willing to go for the 21 day of no contact rule if it will help him change how he feela and think about me.because i think now he thinks that i will always be there for him and that i couldnt live without him seeing that i was the one begging for another chance.btw he is a great guy during our relationship but i just dont understand his work.plz plz plz help me & i really appreciated a feedback tq.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 2:02 pm
Hi Aish,
We don’t guarantee that the nc will work but I actually answered your first comment. I’m just going to paste my answer there here:
Hi Aish,
He’s more likely acting like that so that you would feel that way, so that you would be willing to break up and then he could be guilty free.. Try to be less available and have your own life. I’m not saying you should break up with him but while you’re still with him now, have your own life. Don’t be clingy and needy and be independent.
Naomi
July 11, 2016 at 6:48 pm
Back in February, me and my boyfriend of two months had broken up. He broke up with me originally telling me that he had lost interest but I knew that was a lie. I tried searching for advice on getting him back but I lost hope for reconciliation cause of how short our relationship was and just lived my life and tried to move on. Then in May, he walked up to me to say hi, but I just walked away from him, that same day he texts me telling me the real reason as to why we broke up; he thought I was going to say I love him, but when I reassured him that I wasn’t ready for that after just 2 months of being with him, we came to an understanding. He even told me that he had been trying for the longest to say hi to me but that I would always ignore him, during that time I honestly thought we were over for good, I wasn’t even using the advice on this website that’s why I was ignoring him. Then he said that he misses me but that he’s not trying to go back out with me because he’s graduating high school, I didn’t want to hear that but I had to accept it. After that we talked for a while and then hung out for the first time since the breakup, it seemed like he was only trying to be friends because of the friendly vibes but then he walked towards me, grabbed my butt and started kissing me, I jokingly said for him to get away from me and he says you know you want to kiss me. I’m confused by this, the reason he told me he wasn’t trying to go back out with me was so that I wouldn’t jump to conclusions or that he wouldn’t lead me on into believing he wanted me back but then his actions that day we first hung out told me something else. He’s not the type of guy to play girls or use them at all, he’s way more mature than that but I just don’t understand why he would tell me that but then kiss me once we hang out. I really do want him back but I just don’t want to be wrong about this. Pls help me
Megan
May 30, 2016 at 6:02 pm
So I came to this site hoping to find insight on why my boyfriend of 3 and 1/2 years doesn’t want to have sex anymore? We are high school sweethearts, about to start our second year of college together and both live at our parents house to save money. We starting having sex about 6 months ago. He always likes to tease me and run his fingers up and now my arm or something similar that would drive me nuts, but then when I go to kiss him and “get things started” he is hesitant and it usually takes me a few attempts before he’ll let me start full on kissing him. Even with that he’s reluctant to go all the way sometimes and then says nothing’s wrong later when I hint at asking him about it. It’s really frustrating for me because of the teasing and minimal release and I don’t know what to do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 5:49 pm
Hi Megan,
are you always, everyday together? It’s hard to tell,but for sure, something else is bothering him
Ivy
May 18, 2016 at 4:49 pm
I never expected to be in a relationship i thought i would die single and a virgin all that and i met him. Before i thought love wasnt real and it was made up and i didnt feel that type of stuff. But now im not sure still thats why i havent said it and i dont want to say it first and him be forced to say it back
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 3:40 pm
Hi Ivy,
let it run naturally and nourish the relationship instead of thinking when you would say you love him.. don’t rush..give him more reasons to love you
Ivy
May 14, 2016 at 8:59 pm
Is it normal that me and my boyfriend dont say we love one another and we have been together for 6 months? Not long but now a days people say “i love you” within a month of dating. Also, my boyfriends doesnt really express how he feels about me often when he says something about my looks he just says im “pretty”. Is this just because who he is or does he really not have feelings for me? Am i overreacting and being a girl?
Megan
May 30, 2016 at 6:05 pm
My boyfriend and I never said those words until just after 6months and it was as I was leaving his house when I barely heard him whisper it. I called him out on it and said that I loved him too. Ever since then it’s been fine but I can guarantee he is probably thinking it but just as shy as you about it and doesn’t want to scare you away.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 8:40 am
Hi Ivy,
does he express it in other ways? and why haven’t you said it?
Ivy
May 14, 2016 at 9:02 pm
This is my first relationship too. Were about to go away to college and we decided to stay together and go to the same college (his idea) so I think he is serious about me. But is it possible he could be using me? I am usually really good at reading people. Like very good. But i cant read him and I dont know what that means.
Jennifer
March 23, 2016 at 6:21 am
I somehow have the feeling that his “honeymoon period” was before we labeld ourselves as boy- and girlfriend.
He then seemed to be closed up, never had time for meet ups or whats app conversations and made me feel insecure. I then told him several times that words like “when you aren’t there, it is like something is missing” aren’t enough and that he has to prove it by taking time for me.
We live (for me it is only) 2 hours away. I asked him if I could come visit him once for 2 weeks. Even if it would be just for an hour. He accepted but never brought it up.
For my perspective it is justified to ask him to proove his love. But after reading this article i am not sure.
I cannot understand his behaviour. It sounds like the typical “he only cares until he has you and then he drops you” kind of situation. But I do not believe that.
During the no contact there were times we had to see each other. I often caught him staring at me and once he brought a girl with him. Her personality resembled mine and thus we went together well (which I found funny because I had the feeling he wanted to make me jealous). So I guess this is probably a sign that he cannot handle the emotions after the breakup very well.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 11:17 am
HI Jennifer,
I’m sorrry for the late reply I’ll check on Chris if there are any other way than credit card. You can try to reply the next day with the cliffhanger text and do what you used to do. I hope everything goes well 🙂
Girl with a crush
March 12, 2016 at 4:57 pm
Hi Chris,
I really appreciated this article, thanks! In the beginning you talked about subtly asking a guy out, which I get and am all for, but unfortunately I took the overconfident route one night and it didn’t turn out – probably because of the reasons you mentioned. This guy is a friend and we have great chemistry, have hung out a couple times and it was a lot of fun (like staying up all night laughing, talking and fooling around fun). So I was naturally excited and decided to text him a direct text about coming over, but it really didn’t work. We still talk and have had lunch but he’s dialed his interest waaay back. Is there a way to recover from situations like this, or did I just screw myself over? It’s been years since I’ve been in the dating world and I’m used to being so straight forward, but I don’t think I can do that anymore… :-/ Hope you can help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 13, 2016 at 4:57 am
Hi Girl with a crush,
Try to pull back a little, a week of being busy, or cutting lunch together to do other things and then go out with others (group of friends) and post it social media..
Show him what he’s missing if he didn’t come wih you .. And then talk about your activities but also listen to his interests and take note of that..ask him how it’s like, how it’s done, what it looks like, so he will be encourage to show it to you, then it would like a hang out..
Silver
November 15, 2015 at 9:38 pm
Hey there..
I guess you hear girls say this a lot but yeah with me it’s the god honest truth. . I’m jaded when it comes to relationships. I tend to cut ties and run when I see things are getting serious. But something has happened and I don’t want to be like that anymore, before I go futhrer I just want make it clear I didn’t do this to get pItty or get people to feel sorry for me.
Long story short I had cancer.. then I was in a accident and now I’m learning to walk again so basically I either use a wheelchair or crutches and that’s where my problem lays, I have this amazing boyfriend, he truly is, but I’m so afraid I’m holding him back, why I’m saying this is cause he is a very outdoorsy person and a adrenalin junkie and the stuff he likes to do I can’t do with him. And he says he doesn’t care but I do care. He keeps telling me he loves me regardless, and he is the first person I haven’t run away from when things got serious. With him it was like nothing else mattered, he knew about my jaded past and he doesn’t care.
This is leaning so heavy on my mind it’s changing the way I am around him, when he wants to help me with something I push him away. And he hates it, and I don’t want to be his burden to carry. I hate feeling like a burden. But we have been together for a while and I rather leave him and see him happy then make him feel like he has to stay with me and I know he isn’t happy..
I feel stupid just typing this, but I really do need some advice from someone who is objective. How should I deal with this?
Silver.
Gwen
September 8, 2015 at 6:02 am
Hi there,
I have been with my ex for 1 and 6 months. We have about 6 years apart. I am 23 and he is 17.
In the beginning I was more of a UG, it was just a part of my personality. He was very attentive and happy to spend time with me no matter what, I held back on giving the affections while he gave more.
As we hit the year mark I had a falling out with friends, my ex acting strange then and ended up breaking things off with me but after I talked to him we got back together. I was starting to become more independent again but my sister passed away 2 months after we got back together. I became more clingy and emotionally dependent on my ex. He was there he was supportive, but I noticed as time went by he became more withdrawn and distant. I thought I wasn’t giving enough affections and love so I gave more of it.
So when we hit August he told me he was starting to feel uncomfortable with me and wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me because he felt his future was set on me and his paths are laid out for him he doesn’t know if he wants that, also he felt constricted. During the next couple days he told me to take our photos off social media and pretty much prepped for an official break up but he called me up 3 days later to say he doesn’t want to break up anymore. The next day we were invited to a friend’s party we went together, we talked about things as I was driving us back. Something I said got him angry and he decided to break up again, 20 minutes later he left me msgs that he was committed to trying to make this work and if it doesn’t he knows I will accept it.
First day we got back together things were like as though when he was first in love with me. But then we got intimate, afterwards he pulled away again. 2 days later he tells me we are starting to just feel like close friends (despite all the intimacies), I left it at that and left it drag on for another 2-3 weeks. I noticed some changes in his behavior and I thought it meant that his feelings changed so I brought it up. He told me they didn’t obviously I wasn’t very happy and I said that if all he felt was that we were close friends then it felt like friends with benefits even if we are in a relationship. And if it will stay this way we should break up. We carried on to say other things I am pretty sure I mention ways that we can try to make things work (I can’t clearly remember) I should have talked about that first honestly I regret it. We broke up that night.
I want him back I love him as a person and who I am when I am with him. So I called the day after that break up to talk about to apologize for how I said that I wanted to break up and that we should meet up after he finishes his exams to see where we are both at. He told me he wasn’t interested in relationships and wasn’t interested in getting back with me right now. I said respected his decision and ended the call.
The next day I went on with life I went to the gym (he ended up running into me because we were at the same gym, I was sure it was his break day), I trained with my girlfriend and enjoyed my time, she and her noticed that he kept approaching me to make conversation and he kept watching me the entire time I was at the gym. She said if I still want him back I should tell him that, so I did afterwards in a phonecall. He agreed with the things I said but he said his answer won’t change because right now he doesn’t want to be with me.
I am just wondering with all this silly things I have done, do I have a chance of getting him back?
Also with the NC rule we have never ignored eachother’s msgs or calls because we respect eachother. Can I bypass with limited contact or I must stick to absolutely NC whatsoever?
Meredith
October 2, 2015 at 1:17 am
How did you find the age gap? My S/O and I Just broke up after 7 months together and had a very similar age gap (I’m 19 and he was 24) . Although it had never been a problem for us, he mentioned we were in two different points of our life and didn’t like that fact.
nicki_m
September 2, 2015 at 1:30 pm
Chris- I first so appreciate your site i was in the throws of really deep desperate emotions about a guy i care a lot about and your site really gave me peace of mind because of how you break things down. I want to ask about my situation which i haven’t seen any comments ask about. If the guy who broke up with me was really just a FWB can i still try the NC method? The reason i ask is he pursued me for a year without knowing my name or anything about me before he finally asked for my number. Then when we started talking i really grew to like and enjoy him as a person, i began to really care for him a lot. The thing is he broke up with me two days ago and screamed at me that he wants nothing to do with me that sleeping with me was the biggest mistake he’s ever made and that he never wants to speak to me hear from me again and told me never to text or call him again. When i say he screamed this at me i mean screamed at me. This was not normal behavior for him i think he is just stressed out about other things in life and i caught him at the wrong time and i also think my approach wasn’t the best either. But in any event i want to know if i should try the NC method because i really do care about him and would love the chance to start over and hopefully at least be friends. If you do future articles could you discuss fwb “relationships”?