In this post I’m going to show you EXACTLY how to get your ex back after a bad breakup.
In fact, this is the exact process that has been responsible for almost all of my success stories.
Because, let’s be honest, what breakup isn’t bad?
So, if you want a clear and concise game plan for getting your ex back after a really bad breakup then this post is going to be perfect for you.
Let’s dive in!
My 4 Best Tips For Dealing With A Very Bad Breakup
Overall there are four things that I’d like to talk to you about today. Now, I do want to say that this isn’t going to be like the traditional articles that I’ve done where all of the tips follow a linear cause and effect outline. Instead, what I’ve done is picked out four ideas or concepts that I have found consistently present in our success stories where clients have gone through rough breakups.
Here’s what I’ve found,
- Success Isn’t Linear
- Utilize The Value Chain
- Use The Reciprocation Mirror
- Understand The Internal Conversation Happening In Your Exes Mind
Some of these concepts are new and some are old.
Nevertheless, I’d like to make sure that you really grasp everything I have to teach you today so I’m going to go through each one of these tips and explain them.
Let the lesson commence!
Tip #1: Success Isn’t Linear
The biggest misconception I’ve been seeing lately among my book readers is the fact that seem to be under the impression that success in getting an ex back is linear.
Basically, they think it looks like this,
Here’s the problem.
I don’t think I’ve ever worked with anyone where a situation has worked out this way. Even in the most favorable circumstances something inevitably will NOT go according to plan.
(More on that in a second.)
What does the average success story look like?
Notice how there are a lot of ups and downs.
This is how the average success story looks. Something good happens and you start thinking you are on top of the world. Then your ex throws you for a loop by doing or saying something to make you believe you have no chance.
And on and on the cycle goes.
Here’s my point.
Don’t delude yourself into believing that everything is going to go your way 100% of the time. Prepare yourself emotionally for the fact that even the superstars through this process aren’t perfect all the time.
Probably the best comparison I can make is to baseball.
In baseball you are considered a super star if you fail only 70% of the time.
Think about that.
Tip #2: Utilize A Value Chain
In Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I talk about something called a value chain. I make a very big deal about it.
It’s essentially your roadmap to success.
If you want to learn more about the value chain I recommend getting the book I linked to above.
Think of it this way.
IF success was linear this is how things would typically unfold,
Seems pretty simple, right?
You follow the directions laid out by the value chain and you get your ex back.
If only it were that easy.
The value chain is meant to provide you with an idea on how to approach the average situation. It’s essentially the overarching plan that you need to be doing to be successful. However, as I stated above in tip #1, success isn’t linear.
What are you supposed to do when you gear up to do a no contact rule but you share children together?
You have to adapt the strategy to fit your needs.
Adaptability Is Key
That’s where adaptability comes into play.
When I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery I was very stubborn with my ways. When I recommended a strategy to someone there was no room for flexibility. It wasn’t until I started working one on one with individuals that I realized flexibility was key.
In fact, when I started talking to people who had used my process to get their exes back I noticed that they made slight alterations to my strategies.
It turned out that these alterations were key components that contributed to their success.
The value chain is meant to show you the path but it’s up to you to adapt it to achieve maximum effectiveness.
Tip #3: Use The Reciprocation Mirror
If you went through a bad breakup with your ex then you better believe that they have certain preconceived notions already formed about you.
They are probably thinking,
- She was so naggy
- I can’t stand her
- I don’t like him anymore
- You get where I’m going, right?
These “notions” hold true especially after a bad breakup.
Think of it this way.
Every bad thought that your ex had about you throughout the relationship is almost reinforced when you go through a bad breakup.
I’ve talked a lot about my good feelings vs. bad feelings theory where human being are drawn towards things that make them feel good and want to avoid things that make them feel bad.
Well, a bad breakup that makes you feel bad is probably going to cause you to raise your walls to protect yourself, right?
Getting these proverbial walls to be lowered is going to be an important part of getting your ex back, isn’t it.
But how do you do that?
Well, you are going to do that by using something I like to call the reciprocation mirror.
What Is The Reciprocation Mirror?
I think I’ve used this example before but I’m going to use it again because it’s too good not to use.
Do you know who this man is?
This man is the father of the reciprocation mirror.
His name is Roger Bannister and he is the first person to ever break the 4 minute mile.
That may not seem like that big of a deal to you since there are high school kids that consistently break the 4 minute mile every year but back in the day it was thought to be impossible.
But good old Roger Bannister wasn’t convinced.
He thought that he could be the one to break the four minute mile and on May 6th, 1954 he did just that.
I’d actually argue that what happened afterwards was even more amazing.
Since Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile in 1954, close to 10,000 people have achieved the feat.
Well, it’s because once human beings saw what was possible they were able to reciprocate.
They were able to achieve what was once thought to be impossible.
Now, what does any of this have to do with your ex?
Well, believe it or not but sometimes in order to get your ex to trust you again you have to show a bit of faith first. You have to be willing to drip your toe in the water first before expecting them to reciprocate.
Imagine for a moment that you are in the texting phase of the value chain (picture above) and you want your ex to tell you that they miss you. However, you know that since the two of you parted on bad terms they aren’t going to be jumping with joy at the thought of telling you that they miss you.
Instead, you can try to dip your toe in the water first and show them a little hint of how you are feeling with the intent of hoping that they will reciprocate.
Let’s say that the two of you are having a really witty conversation and you send this,
You are telling them a little bit about how you feel and hoping that, that little extension of an olive branch will be enough to get them to mirror your behavior.
It’s the reciprocation mirror folks!
Tip #4: Understand The Internal Conversation Happening In Your Exes Head
Here’s a fun question.
How do you think your ex will decide whether or not they should get back together with you after a bad breakup?
Most of my clients will probably try to convince you that the biggest factor for their success is going to be in how they handle their interactions with their ex.
I used to think that too but that’s actually not how the process goes down.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say that you and your ex have the most amazing date and they actually say something like this to you,
“Do you ever think of getting back together?”
This of course leads to “the talk” and the two of you agree that you’d be interested in reconnecting.
Yay! You got them back, right?
What if I were to tell you that this little “example” I gave to you came from a real life scenario that I encountered in our private facebook support group.
Here’s what happened.
Two days later the ex backed out of the agreement and the person in the facebook group was back to square one.
Ultimately your ex makes the decision to get back with you when they have some time to sit alone with their thoughts
It’s easy for an ex to make an impulsive decision to get back together with you when they are caught up in the moment. Ultimately it’s that pesky conscience in the back of our head asking us,
Do we really want this?
That can make us think twice.
Every person has a list.
It’s a special list of reasons for why they shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone else.
Your ex has a list on you.
When left alone long enough your ex will eventually ask the following question to themselves,
Should I get back with (insert your name?)
They will definitely say “no” to getting back with you if you haven’t crossed out almost all of their reasons for not wanting to get back with you.
If you understand your exes list then you understand what you have to do to get them back.
It’s as easy as that.
Ok, maybe not easy but at least it gives you some clarification.