By Chris Seiter

Updated on June 9th, 2021

In this post I’m going to show you EXACTLY how to get your ex back after a bad breakup.

In fact, this is the exact process that has been responsible for almost all of my success stories.

Because, let’s be honest, what breakup isn’t bad?

So, if you want a clear and concise game plan for getting your ex back after a really bad breakup then this post is going to be perfect for you.

Let’s dive in!

My 4 Best Tips For Dealing With A Very Bad Breakup

Overall there are four things that I’d like to talk to you about today. Now, I do want to say that this isn’t going to be like the traditional articles that I’ve done where all of the tips follow a linear cause and effect outline. Instead, what I’ve done is picked out four ideas or concepts that I have found consistently present in our success stories where clients have gone through rough breakups.

Here’s what I’ve found,

  1. Success Isn’t Linear
  2. Utilize The Value Chain
  3. Use The Reciprocation Mirror
  4. Understand The Internal Conversation Happening In Your Exes Mind

Some of these concepts are new and some are old.

Nevertheless, I’d like to make sure that you really grasp everything I have to teach you today so I’m going to go through each one of these tips and explain them.

Let the lesson commence!

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Tip #1: Success Isn’t Linear

The biggest misconception I’ve been seeing lately among my book readers is the fact that seem to be under the impression that success in getting an ex back is linear.

Basically, they think it looks like this,

Here’s the problem.

I don’t think I’ve ever worked with anyone where a situation has worked out this way. Even in the most favorable circumstances something inevitably will NOT go according to plan.

(More on that in a second.)

What does the average success story look like?

Notice how there are a lot of ups and downs.

This is how the average success story looks. Something good happens and you start thinking you are on top of the world. Then your ex throws you for a loop by doing or saying something to make you believe you have no chance.

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And on and on the cycle goes.

Here’s my point.

Don’t delude yourself into believing that everything is going to go your way 100% of the time. Prepare yourself emotionally for the fact that even the superstars through this process aren’t perfect all the time.

Probably the best comparison I can make is to baseball.

In baseball you are considered a super star if you fail only 70% of the time.

Think about that.

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Tip #2: Utilize A Value Chain

In Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I talk about something called a value chain. I make a very big deal about it.

It’s essentially your roadmap to success.

If you want to learn more about the value chain I recommend getting the book I linked to above.

Think of it this way.

IF success was linear this is how things would typically unfold,

Seems pretty simple, right?

You follow the directions laid out by the value chain and you get your ex back.

If only it were that easy.

The value chain is meant to provide you with an idea on how to approach the average situation. It’s essentially the overarching plan that you need to be doing to be successful. However, as I stated above in tip #1, success isn’t linear.

What are you supposed to do when you gear up to do a no contact rule but you share children together?

You have to adapt the strategy to fit your needs.

Adaptability Is Key

That’s where adaptability comes into play.

When I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery I was very stubborn with my ways. When I recommended a strategy to someone there was no room for flexibility. It wasn’t until I started working one on one with individuals that I realized flexibility was key.

In fact, when I started talking to people who had used my process to get their exes back I noticed that they made slight alterations to my strategies.

It turned out that these alterations were key components that contributed to their success.

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The value chain is meant to show you the path but it’s up to you to adapt it to achieve maximum effectiveness.

Tip #3: Use The Reciprocation Mirror

If you went through a bad breakup with your ex then you better believe that they have certain preconceived notions already formed about you.

They are probably thinking,

These “notions” hold true especially after a bad breakup.

Think of it this way.

Every bad thought that your ex had about you throughout the relationship is almost reinforced when you go through a bad breakup.

I’ve talked a lot about my good feelings vs. bad feelings theory where human being are drawn towards things that make them feel good and want to avoid things that make them feel bad.

Well, a bad breakup that makes you feel bad is probably going to cause you to raise your walls to protect yourself, right?

Getting these proverbial walls to be lowered is going to be an important part of getting your ex back, isn’t it.

But how do you do that?

Well, you are going to do that by using something I like to call the reciprocation mirror.

What Is The Reciprocation Mirror?

I think I’ve used this example before but I’m going to use it again because it’s too good not to use.

Do you know who this man is?

This man is the father of the reciprocation mirror.

His name is Roger Bannister and he is the first person to ever break the 4 minute mile.

That may not seem like that big of a deal to you since there are high school kids that consistently break the 4 minute mile every year but back in the day it was thought to be impossible.


But good old Roger Bannister wasn’t convinced.

He thought that he could be the one to break the four minute mile and on May 6th, 1954 he did just that.

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Amazing, right?

I’d actually argue that what happened afterwards was even more amazing.

Since Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile in 1954, close to 10,000 people have achieved the feat.


Well, it’s because once human beings saw what was possible they were able to reciprocate.

They were able to achieve what was once thought to be impossible.

Now, what does any of this have to do with your ex?

Well, believe it or not but sometimes in order to get your ex to trust you again you have to show a bit of faith first. You have to be willing to drip your toe in the water first before expecting them to reciprocate.

Imagine for a moment that you are in the texting phase of the value chain (picture above) and you want your ex to tell you that they miss you. However, you know that since the two of you parted on bad terms they aren’t going to be jumping with joy at the thought of telling you that they miss you.

Instead, you can try to dip your toe in the water first and show them a little hint of how you are feeling with the intent of hoping that they will reciprocate.

Let’s say that the two of you are having a really witty conversation and you send this,

You are telling them a little bit about how you feel and hoping that, that little extension of an olive branch will be enough to get them to mirror your behavior.

It’s the reciprocation mirror folks!

Tip #4: Understand The Internal Conversation Happening In Your Exes Head

Here’s a fun question.

How do you think your ex will decide whether or not they should get back together with you after a bad breakup?

Most of my clients will probably try to convince you that the biggest factor for their success is going to be in how they handle their interactions with their ex.

I used to think that too but that’s actually not how the process goes down.

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say that you and your ex have the most amazing date and they actually say something like this to you,

“Do you ever think of getting back together?”

This of course leads to “the talk” and the two of you agree that you’d be interested in reconnecting.

Yay! You got them back, right?

What if I were to tell you that this little “example” I gave to you came from a real life scenario that I encountered in our private facebook support group.

Here’s what happened.

Two days later the ex backed out of the agreement and the person in the facebook group was back to square one.

Ultimately your ex makes the decision to get back with you when they have some time to sit alone with their thoughts

It’s easy for an ex to make an impulsive decision to get back together with you when they are caught up in the moment. Ultimately it’s that pesky conscience in the back of our head asking us,

Do we really want this?

That can make us think twice.

Every person has a list.

It’s a special list of reasons for why they shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone else.

Your ex has a list on you.

When left alone long enough your ex will eventually ask the following question to themselves,

Should I get back with (insert your name?)

They will definitely say “no” to getting back with you if you haven’t crossed out almost all of their reasons for not wanting to get back with you.

If you understand your exes list then you understand what you have to do to get them back.

It’s as easy as that.

Ok, maybe not easy but at least it gives you some clarification.

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48 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Back After A Bad Breakup”

  1. George Smith

    December 8, 2021 at 6:28 pm

    Hi Chris do you do a programme for getting a girlfriend back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 13, 2021 at 8:22 pm

      Hey George, check out

  2. Heather

    August 27, 2021 at 2:26 pm

    Hey so I would like some advice. So my break up was bad. Like really bad. We were together for 4.5 years and engaged. We had instant attraction and fell in love hard. He moved in with me at my moms very quickly and we had the most amazing first year. Then the second year, I was hospitalized and in a coma, and woke up to be told I was an alcoholic. Since then I’ve struggled big time with it and whenever I drank, I would say horrible things, even get violent. On the other hand, I did everything for my ex from buying him whatever he needed or wanted to cooking for him every night, helped him get his dad dentures which he couldn’t afford, helped him when he was audited by the IRS, made his business website when he got fired- anything he needed I did. We were best friends and bought a house and dog together. We had inside jokes and loved harder than anyone. Well, in May he came home from helping his sister who hates me move. He dumped me and told me to get out. Due to the market I was having trouble find somewhere and he filed a civil protection order. That took two months to get dismissed and I had to move back in with my mom. When I went to get my things, I found a note that said he never wanted this to happen and would always love me. He was crying. Since then, we spoke once and I went off. He stole everything from me, and continued to live off of the things I provided to him. Even stole my bed I just bought. He has blocked me and unblocked me several times. Recently I got tired of being used and deleted the website I made and returned access to the domain and wrote him a letter explaining that he is sick and I don’t deserve all he has done and I would be blocking him for the time being. I also found out he’s on Tinder now and he’s deleted everything of us off of Facebook and I remain blocked. I’m in counseling now due to the trauma and I just don’t know what to do. Please help.

  3. Clean

    August 21, 2021 at 2:14 am

    Never wanted a family or kids but I miss my ex I didn’t even spend much time with together that much. I do not like rushing into things at all, she never even like me to begin with yet, I somehow still miss her way more than she thinks I do.

  4. Pierre

    August 8, 2021 at 8:48 am

    Ok, I’ll tell my story to see if there’s a slightly chance.
    We met 6 years ago, she fell in love with me, but I wasn’t ready for a commitment, so I dumped her. 1 year later we reconnected, and started a serious relationship, but I wanted an open relationship at the time and she agreed. Then, 2 years later we went living together. Things got out of control about the open relationship, and then we got into a big fight, and she moved out. We spent an year apart, and then I wrote some letters about how I was wrong and wanted to meet her again. We started dating again, and got engaged and moved to a bigger apartment. Then 5 months later, I got a psychotic outbreak at work and had to take Olanzapine, which made me dumber, numb, emotionless, and later got me erectile dysfunction (didn’t know back then that was effect of the medication because no doctor told me so). We spent 6 months without proper sex, and we were arguments about everything because she was feeling excluded and alone with me. Then she started to fall in love with a colleague (which I didn’t know until the breakup). Then we had a big fight about her jealousy, and I called her a “mean woman” (she said it was there that she lost the love for myself). Then 3 months later she broke up with me. I got desperate and began my quest to recover from erectile dysfunction, then I found out that it was Olanzapine the root cause… I tried to convince her about it but she didn’t want to listen. Then she started a serious relationship with the colleague, and I tried to kill myself. She found out about it and tried to intervene. Later on, she said to me that she moved from her parents house, so I went by to say goodbye to her dog. But she was living there yet, and she thought I was stalking her. She blocked everywhere and she said she is happier with the new guy than she was with me. I really don’t know what to do yet.

  5. Pierre

    July 29, 2021 at 2:47 pm

    Hmmm mine was a REALLY bad breakup. And she’s with someone else now. I don’t think it will work for me.

  6. Northstar

    September 6, 2020 at 8:08 am

    My boyfriend and me had a lot of war zone ups and downs in these 6 months of lockdown. he says he loved my carefree attitude in initial days of relationship and the way i gave him space but then i became clingy and possessive and he has said that now he wants permanent space and he is there for me just because i stay happy. He says its very difficult to change his mind and getting his feelings back for me. I initiate all calls and texts but I need a foolproof way to get him back. The moment i make the mistake of not giving him space by texting him daily or I ask him some trivial questions about our past issues , he loses his shit and stops talking to me out of anger. This time if i make a mistake, he will leave me for sure. I cant afford to make mistakes and I want a permanent solution to get him and his feelings back. He is stubborn and doesnt listen to anyone including me. So help me out and give me a plan of action so that his I dont care about what you do nature becomes I care for you Again. Only you guys can help to give me a foolproof solution to get such a stubborn guys feelings back. Please

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 10, 2020 at 8:44 pm

      Hey Northstar, make sure you are working on yourself, following the rules of No Contact and reading as many articles that apply to your situation as you can to help you for each stage of the programs

  7. Piyu

    July 17, 2020 at 7:17 am

    Hello my name is piyu n I had bad breakup with my bf actually he broke in just 3 weeks after relation because I said bad word. He broke n I tried. alot to convince but he rejected n recently he blocked me from all sort of media. Today 1 month is getting over for breakup. I want him back at any cost..

  8. Gabi

    July 12, 2020 at 2:46 am

    I came across your website and am really thankful I did. I need help. Here is the story:
    My ex and I had a great relationship. We were best friends for 2 years before we started dating and then dated for a year. We had arguments and issues that normal relationships have. The main issue before we dated was that he has always had commitment issues. He has broken up with or ended things with every girl he’s ever been with and that was a huge concern of mine going into things. Of course he reassured me and told me that he would never end things with me because he could actually see a future with us. I am the first girl he’s ever actually loved and he is the first boy I have ever actually loved as well. He broke up with me at the end of February of this year for reasons that could have been fixed. When we broke up it was very emotional and that was the first time he had cried in 10 years. It was really tough for both of us. We kept in contact and met up to talk many times throughout March and April. I tried the no contact rule but we have the same friend group so we would always run into each other at parties and stuff. After 2 months of talking and trying to figure us out, I found out that he had been hooking up and talking to a girl all throughout March. The problem wasn’t that he hooked up/talked to her, the problem was that he lied to me for 2 months. Whenever I would ask him about her he would lie and say she was just a friend. So basically he had been talking to and hooking up with both of us at the same. I’ve never been so hurt in my life and didn’t think he had the capability to hurt me that intensely. He apologized and told me he really wanted to make things right. Ever since I found out, every interaction we’ve had since then has been so negative and argumentative. I’m sad because our friendship was so healthy before we dated and our relationship was very healthy too, and now everything surrounding us both is just toxic. We talked about the situation that happened in June and we were basically just yelling at each other. Although he hurt me, I still love him so much and want him back. We haven’t talked in a month and it has been 4.5 months since we broke up. One of my friends who lives near him has been hanging out with a lot and asked him a couple of days ago if he could see us getting back together and he said “I’m tired of all this drama. We are done done for good.”
    I’m so terribly sad and upset and I don’t know what to do. What drama is he referring too since we haven’t talked in a month nor seen each other in 2 months? I’m scared that this is it. I want him in my life so badly because he used to be my best friend before we dated and I don’t want to lose him. When he says we are done for good, does he mean that? Or does he just think right at this moment we are done for good? I’m stuck. I want him back so badly and will be crushed if he doesn’t even want a friendship anymore with me. Should I continue to do no contact and wait until he reaches out to me or reach out to him now? Please help 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 5, 2020 at 11:09 pm

      Hey Gabi, follow the No Contact rules and when you reach the end of your NC reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles to get your ex talking. Make sure that you are working on yourself during this time to be the best version of yourself when you reach out to your ex

  9. Amber

    June 29, 2020 at 7:23 pm

    Me and my ex were together for ten months, but friends for two years beforehand. Throughout our relationship i never told him what to do. But the day of our argument was terrible, two girls he had previously slept with on holiday last year sent a video of themselves by the pool. I expressed to him that it made me feel uncomfortable, and to immediately delete them. He said he would, 24 hours later they were still on his phone so I confronted him, it ended in screaming and shouting. I then left him alone for the whole week, but he had golf booked with his friends, which i organised, chose the location etc. The night before I called him, he was crying saying he loves me etc and i asked him should we go. He stated he wasnt going. The day of golf was the end, i saw on social media that he went and i was so furious that he lied i turned up, i ruined it for them all and now i feel guilty. and now i am blocked on everything, i did apologise after. But i just felt so disrespected at the time. Our relationship was actually lovely, we used to do everything together, very romantic, it was just the breakup that turned toxic. What should i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 19, 2020 at 7:22 pm

      Hey Amber, if you want your ex back then you need to start following the program with a No Contact. Giving some space and time between you and your ex. While things turned toxic you need to follow a 45 day No contact

  10. jagriti

    May 18, 2020 at 4:40 am

    me and my ex boyfriend was in a very cute relationship but one day we came to a bad argument and because of which he broke up with me but after break up also he used to tell me he loves me but can’t get back. Now what should i do to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 10:03 pm

      Hey, you need to start with a no contact and then reach out after 45 days

  11. Estefany

    April 22, 2020 at 12:29 am

    I need advice so last week my ex broke up with me because I got drunk (after promising him that I would stop because for some reason I get meaning I don’t remember what I said to him. He’s told me bits and parts.) I told him I’d go to therapy and he said he didn’t care. He kicked me out (harshly may I add). I was still trying to make things work, however, He said he’d never get back with me and that it’s all my fault and that I need to stop calling him. So I did. May I add I also work with him. help meeeeeee pls

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 11:55 am

      Hi Estefany, I would suggest for now your focus should be to work on your relationship with alcohol. Doing this is going to improve your health and well being while also showing your ex that you are serious about seeking help. If you were to seek help and over come your problem then your ex would more likely be open to speaking with you

  12. sharon

    April 3, 2020 at 3:29 am

    Hi, I dated this guy for 3 years and we had a big fight on valentine’s day. We tried to make up, but he suddenly blocked me on everything. I’m guessing the fact that his family hate me now is the reason. Last time we met after the break up, he said “I can stop loving you”, “I’m gonna find a one night stand”, and “I don’t want any kind of relationship between us anymore”. Then we didn’t have any contact for a month now. What I know about him is that he had been going to bars, hitting on different girls, and that’s it. I hate him for what he did, but I know that I was wrong too, and I was the one causing our fight at the first place when we were just fine. I want to be ok with him, but he has me blocked on everything and don’t even wanna talk to me. Any input on this? Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 6:26 pm

      Hi Sharon so you need to work on yourself a little, where you learn to control your emotions and learn to communicate with a partner where you know you are not going to enter an argument. I would work the information about being Ungettable and apply this to yourself and social media, if you have any mutual friends then do not speak about him to them and just focus on how well you are doing. While you are in a full block there is not much you can do apart form focus on yourself, or move on without moving on to someone new. He will unblock you eventually it just depends on how long it takes for him to wonder how you are

  13. Harley

    February 2, 2020 at 6:05 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago. He blocked me on everything. We were together for 3 months and hes in the army. At first we got to see each other a couple days each week and then the last month we couldn’t see each other at all due to things that had to do with his job. It was hard and him being busy all the time and not being able to talk to me made things even harder. But when he had free time and was off he would spend it with his friends which I had no problem with but he didnt want to text me because he didnt want to be “rude” but I felt that since I didnt have the option to see him yet the least he could do was text me a little bit. We got in this big fight over text and he then broke up with me and told me I wasnt changing his mind. I begged, pleaded, txted and called alot and he proceeded to block me on everything. I found a new number app so I could try to fix things and it obviously made things worse. I texted his mom and sister and asked them if there was something I could do to make things right and they just didnt want to get into it. I’m sure that also made things worse I just didnt know what else to do. But since then i havent reached out to him or his family. I just want him back and idk what to do. How can I redeem myself.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 20, 2020 at 10:28 pm

      Hey Harley so by the sounds of things your boyfriend was not prioritising your relationship at the point of break up so your reason for getting upset was because he was not giving you the time you wanted. This is not going to change over night so realise that while you are begging him to be with you and hurt and upset know this is not going to make his behavior change. If you realise you are worth more than he is willing to give to you. Take some time in No Contact where you work on yourself for some time and make sure you get over the break up and make yourself happy while being single and then eventually reach out after 45 days

  14. Moriel

    January 30, 2020 at 3:14 pm

    My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half and he recently broke up with me. He thought I did something I did not and he cursed me out, said he hated me and that he is never going to want me again or come near me again. Im really scared that this is true. I am on day 3 of no contact but I am afraid his “list” on me as you explained in the article is unchangeable. Any advice? Will he be back or hate me forever?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 1, 2020 at 4:07 pm

      Hey Moriel so right now this is NEW and his anger is higher than his logic. Going into a No Contact will allow him the chance to calm himself down and realise that he was hurtful with his words and also gives him time to process if you did not do the things that caused the break up. During your No Contact I would focus on working on being your best self and show on social media how you are living your life without him and that you are not going to be sat at home crying over the break up

  15. K

    January 20, 2020 at 3:40 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex broke up w me suddenly on his flight over to visit me. we only dated for 5 months but got serious quickly, met families and everything. He was adamant that he was going to marry me but we started having dumb arguments leading up to the breakup. since he ended it selfishly over the phone, i did not handle it well, got very needy with texting and trying to contact him. i was blocked after a month and have given him space and reached out with short emails every 2 months or so. i even recently asked his friends to see if he will ever talk to me. its been 5.5 months and he has not responded. i told him i just would rather leave things on better terms even he does not want to work things out. Is there anything I can do to get him to talk to me? We are both 32 and I felt like he was the right person for me. I think I was picking some fights due to my past experiences and I have apologized but his behavior is childish and selfish. Not sure what to do…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 21, 2020 at 10:32 pm

      Hey K, so as you have identified that you were picking arguments for whatever reasons from your past, it is a clear indicator that you need to work on those issues, during your time in no contact, and read about what it means to be the ungettable girl, that articles is on this website for you. Then reach out to your ex in 30 days and start to rebuild your connection with him

  16. Rose

    January 8, 2020 at 5:13 am

    Hi Chris
    Was seeing this guy for 8 months(long distance) but i flew every two months to see him. We live in different states. Suddenly out of the blue he brings up the topic of the future and says he needs time to think about it. I got worked up and kept messaging him. Finally i had to go to the same city as him for a wedding and wanted to meet up which he refused. My constant messages to try and give it more time didn’t help. He got irritated and partially blocked me on social media. Now im in NC for 4 days and don’t know if things will work out. He’s commitment phobic too and my constant pleading those few days didn’t help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 6:36 pm

      Hi Rose, I would stick to your no contact until you are in better control of your emotions and gives him time to feel less pressured by you messages too

  17. Danny

    August 29, 2019 at 7:40 pm

    Hi Chris, my ex girlfriend broke up with me and I reacted in the worst way by saying lets be friends. Went to her work the next day to try and talk and she went to the police and they contact me saying not to contact her again that she never wants to talk to me again. I made lots of accounts and kept trying to message her but I get blocked repeatedly. I really think this is the end now because she views me as a potential stalker and must of felt like that if she went to the police.

  18. Izzy

    July 6, 2019 at 9:17 pm

    my ex and i were together for over a year, and things seemed to be going really well between us, but he broke up with me out of the blue before i was supposed to go see him a month ago… he said we could still be friends, but as the time went on, he became more and more distant, even unfollowing me on social media and not responding/ seeming very uninterested when i’d send texts. i tried to apologize to him and talk things out, but just got an “ok” and nothing more. i can’t stop thinking about him, and how i want to fix things, but i don’t know what to do. i haven’t texted him in a few weeks because i want to give him some space for a while, but it’s really difficult and breaking my heart that it had to end that way. it’s like even though he was falling out of love with me the last few months of our relationship, i was falling deeper for him, so i just feel really sad and confused, and am hoping that maybe if i give him the summer to cool down, that things might end up working out again, but i’m really not sure…

  19. Carlos

    June 3, 2019 at 9:58 pm

    I love and want my ex girlfriend back in my life .we were together for over 3 years almost had a kid together and were planning on getting married in the future. But she left me 4 months ago. It was a bad break up and i did not handle well. I made all the mistakes and more. I begged her back, i called her non stop and worse. it got to the point were were she said i was dead to her. There more to the story alot of bad situations but im not sure 8f anyone well answer this post. Just recently she agreed to start talking to me again. But theres a catch that i help her pay for some keys that were lost and that i dont blow up her phone…hiw do i aprouch this situation?

  20. ola

    September 24, 2018 at 10:57 pm

    I’m having an issue with a really angry distrustful ex. We had what seemed like a very close and loving relationship. He seemed extremely into me. About a month before the breakup I noticed him making less time for us and pulling away but he denied losing interest. Then one day he got really mad at me and just left.

    Ever since then everything has been a mess. He has messaged me many times since the breakup but he alternates between being nice, being distant, and flipping out at me.

    He has blocked me and unblocked me repeatedly. He has admitted he misses me and he has tried coming onto me, but he also repeatedly pulls away. He disappears for a week at a time and then contacts me on his own. Sometimes hes nice and acts interested in how i am, sometimes hes flirty, other times he is moody and snappy. He will message me and then stop replyin halfway through the conversation. We have met up three times since the breakup in person. We have just had coffee and nothing has happened. He agreed to try to make time for a fourth meeting, then changed his mind.

    He keeps endlessly endlessly bringing up that he cant be with me because he “can’t trust me”. This comes up again and again and again. He says i did something to break his trust, but if I ask him what I did, he says he isn’t ready to tell me. He has also said he believes nothing I say and that when I do something nice he just thinks “what’s in it for her”? I don’t understand why he thinks this. I also don’t understand why he keeps bringing this up if he won’t talk about what I’ve actually done.

    He’s obviously really hurt about something but I can’t help him If he won’t talk about it.
    My attempt at no contact after he blocked me lasted a week before he started sending angry messages on another platform.
    My attempts to reconnect and not talk about relationship problems and stick to lighter subjects usually end in him bringing up how he can’t trust me.

    I think hes extremely torn between missing me and not trusting me. How on earth do I get him to calm down, open up about what’s actually bothering him and be more trusting? I don’t know what Ive done to hurt him

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 24, 2018 at 11:55 pm

      I am sorry Ola this ex of yours is so distrustful. I don’t think he is being fair at all. Very selfish of him. I think you stick with NC

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