How do you make an ex boyfriend fall in love with you again?

Is it even possible?

These are questions that you have probably asked yourself before. Well, today I am going to be answering both of them in this definitive guide. You see, every once in a while I decide to put a lot of effort into making a long in-depth guide on a particular subject. Out of all the articles I have written for this site it is the guides that visitors get the most out of and I expect this one to be no different.

The Truth No One Wants You To Know

truth vs lies

There are certain things in life that you have complete control over. For example, if you are watching T.V. then you have complete control over which channels you choose to watch. If you are surfing the internet on your smart phone then you have complete control over which websites you choose to visit (though I do recommend Ex Boyfriend Recovery 😉 .)

Of course, for all the things that you can control there are things that you can’t control on the opposite side of the coin.

As much as the relationship “guru’s” say different in the end you have absolutely no control in making your ex boyfriend fall in love with you again. That is fact. Now, before you spend the rest of your day crying I can tell you that there are certain things you can do that can increase your chances of getting him to fall for you again. In this guide that is what we are going to be focusing on, how to best improve your chances of making him have feelings for you again.

But before we get started I do want to mention that if you haven’t read my books,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO and The Texting Bible I highly recommend that you do.

Not only are they essential to helping you get your ex boyfriend back but they can be life changing.

Take Maureen for example.

maureen

Maureen implemented the advice in PRO and The Texting Bible and not only got her ex back but married him! (we are friends on Facebook now.)

I guess what I am saying is that if you want your ex boyfriend to love you again those are your tools to accomplish that.

Let’s Get Started

lets get started

(If you want a step by step method to making him fall for you again I recommend you pick up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

I need you to do something for me. Take out a sheet of paper and write the following things down.

  • When do I expect results?
  • Why did he/I break up with me/him?
  • What could I improve on?
  • Do I have the potential to be his “ungettable girl?”
  • Am I capable of the discipline it takes when talking/texting him?

It is really important that you write all of these down because I need you to answer them as honestly as you can. This is the moment of truth because just ONE wrong answer on the five questions above and I can tell you right now you are probably going to fail at re-attracting your ex boyfriend.

First lets take a look at what I consider to be the correct answer for all of these questions.

When Do I Expect Results?

This question annoys me. Not because of the question itself but the people asking the question really get under my skin.

Hmm…. I guess that means YOU!

Every day I get an email from someone very angry/upset/crying because things didn’t go their way when they were trying to make their exes fall back in love with them. I do my best to calm them down, which can be a challenge in and of itself and then I start asking them about their situation.

Now, I understand that women who have been broken up with are very emotional creatures. However, it kind of makes me a little upset when someone emails me claiming “I have tried everything you have said” and I find out that their ex just broke up with them 10 days earlier.

NEWSFLASH..

Getting an ex boyfriend to fall in love with you again isn’t going to happen in a couple of days. Heck, it’s not going to even happen in a couple of weeks. In most successful cases I have found that it can take months and sometimes years to finally re-attract them.

Why Did He/I Break Up With Me/Him?

It is really important that you have a good grasp of why he broke up with you (or why you broke up with him.)

Why is this important?

Simple, it will give you insight on what behaviors that you need to avoid if you plan on making him fall for you again. It should also give you a good idea on what went wrong in your relationship the first time around. Using this valuable knowledge you can figure out if your ex is worth pursuing again and if you can potentially have a long lasting relationship with him.

This is important to know because the process of making him like you again isn’t going to be a short and easy one. It is going to be hard and require a lot of hard work and dedication. So, figuring out if you can have a successful and long lasting relationship with this person again is kind of an important thing to figure out.

What Could I Improve On?

Let me guess.

You were perfect in your relationship right? As far as you know you didn’t do anything wrong. Any problems the two of you had were usually caused by him.

While that may be true (the problems caused by him part.) I can tell you right now you were not perfect in your relationship.

As you will learn in PRO, humans by definition are imperfect creatures. I can tell you right now that any girl I date I am a very good boyfriend to but I am not conceited enough to believe I am a perfect boyfriend. I will make mistakes in a relationship just like she will. Now, there is a very negative connotation behind that word, “mistakes.”

I guess I just see the world differently when it comes to relationships. Most people freak out when a mistake is made in a relationship. I am different though. I like to dissect the mistake and ensure that I never make it again. It doesn’t just end there though, you can actually get a lot from watching other people in relationships.

One of my best buddies has been dating his girlfriend for about 4 years now. Whenever he messes up (and I mean messes up bad) I take a mental note to make sure not to make his mistake in any future relationship. So, the point I am really trying to make here is that there is always something to improve on if you look hard enough.

Do I Have The Potential To Be His “Ungettable Girl?”

This one may confuse you.If it does don’t worry, by the end of this guide it will make a lot of sense.

I am actually shocked that probably 90% of the people who visit my site don’t understand what an “ungettable girl” is. It is shocking to me because you absolutely need to know what one is if you plan on even having a chance to make your ex boyfriend fall in love with you again.

An “ungettable girl” is a term I coined to describe a certain type of girl. Well, I suppose that isn’t the best way to describe it. Really, an “ungettable girl” is an idea. It is something that every woman should strive to be because if she obtains this “state” she will have power over just about any man.

The real question is do you have what it takes to become one?

Am I capable of the discipline it takes when talking/texting him?

This kind of ties in to our first question above (expecting results.) Like almost everything in life there is a right way and a wrong way to communicate with your ex boyfriend. The reason most people fail to increase their chances of making their ex have feelings for them again is because they communicate with him the wrong way.

Essentially, they want results too fast and don’t have the discipline to tell themselves to slow down.

Communicating with an ex the right way is going to take a lot of discipline. Results won’t occur overnight like you are hoping them to but the sooner you accept that fact and understand the basics of how to contact him (and what to say) the sooner you are in business!

What Is An Ungettable Girl?

ungettable girl

(For more in-depth details about the ungettable girl and how to become one please pick up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Before I really dive into specific strategies for making your ex fall for you all over again this is a concept that I need to hammer into your head.

The ungettable girl is the ultimate goal that you should be striving towards. Becoming one is your ticket to success not just in making him fall in love with you again but in making any man weak in the knees. Sounds too good to be true huh? Well, it actually kind of is.

The truth is that very few women ever achieve this status. Not because they lack the effort but because they physically and mentally can’t look and feel the part. Really though, this isn’t about looking and feeling a certain way. A true ungettable girl just is what she is, ungettable. She doesn’t have to try to be ungettable she just is. In essence, she becomes the part. She can walk into the room and men will look at her and know that there is an aura surrounding her. This aura makes them flock to her like white on rice.

Why Can’t Every Girl Become An Ungettable Girl?

why meme

It is impossible for every single girl to become an UG (ungettable girl) otherwise every woman walking this planet would be an UG. I wanted to put this section together to show you WHY most women can’t be the UG. After you have a good grasp at that I am going to teach you what you need to do to become the UG for your ex boyfriend which should spark his interest in you again.

(Disclaimer: This is not going to be an easy section to hear. I am pretty confident that a certain portion of my readers are going to be disgusted with what I am about to say. BUT I am just going to be dishing out pure truth right now. If you can’t handle it then I am truly sorry.)

Men are cruel.

I want you to get that in your head right now. Heck, I want you to stereotype them all and make no apologies for it. I was once told that women are crueler than men and at one time I agreed with it. I kind of still do but here is the thing you have to understand about cruelness between women and men.

Women are cruel in a vocal way.

Men are cruel in a mental way.

That means that men will think mean thoughts about you but never tell you. They won’t tell you for a variety of reasons. Maybe they want to spare your feelings, maybe they just don’t think a conversation is worth the effort, maybe they are just insecure about themselves and project that insecurity onto you.

Make no mistake about it, I am as cruel as the rest of them. I can definitely fit into that “think cruel thoughts and never tell you” category. It is important that you understand this because what I am about to do is pull back the curtains and tell you some of the cruel thoughts I have thought about women over the years.

Now, before I do that how does this tie into the ungettable girl? With UG’s there are no cruel thoughts. Cruel thoughts are replaced with fantasies and weak knees which I will talk about a little bit later. For now, lets get back to some of the horrible things I have thought about women.

Wow, she is kind of chubby isn’t she?

I can’t tell you how many times I have thought this about women. Pretty mean huh?

As you can see from my picture in the “About Me” section I am not a bad looking guy. This certainly factors into my overall sense of self and ego. Because I am a good looking male I have certain expectations about the women I date. I know this paints me in a shallow light but this is the truth, this is how my brain literally works. Any time I receive interest from a woman I put her through a number of very quick tests. Oh, and when I say quick I mean in five seconds. All it takes is five seconds for me to know if I am interested or not.

In the beginning for me and most men it is all about looks and yes, your weight plays into that. I notice any time a woman is a bit chubby or just plain fat. I am not trying to make you self conscious or anything like that but this is the gods honest truth. I will not date anyone who is obese, overweight or just a little chubby. This is why some women can never be ungettable girls. They simply don’t have the right look when it comes to their body.

Luckily, if you are a bit chubby or overweight this is something that is completely in your control. You can do something about it!

Wow, she is kind of ugly isn’t she?

Believe it or not but I can kind of feel your pain on this one. Remember above when I said that generally women are more mean in a more vocal way than men are. When I was around 13 years old there was a girl who I had a crush on. The only problem was that at 13 you really don’t know what to do when you have a crush on someone. Luckily, it turns out that the girl I had a crush on seemed to like me to.

Well, until something happened.

One day at lunch I heard the girl who I had a crush on talking to one of her friends. I couldn’t quite tell what they were talking about until the girls friend loudly blurted out:

“You like Chris Seiter?? EWWW he’s so ugly..”

I told you that story because I want you to know that I understand what it is like to be called ugly. Granted, being called ugly by a 13 year old girl probably doesn’t sting as much as compared to coming from a 25 year old but still, I do know what it is like.

With that being said there have been plenty of girls who I have thought were ugly. This is one of those really tough subjects because if you think that you are ugly then you are probably thinking “how can I become beautiful?” Heck, the whole make-up and plastic surgery industry is thriving because of this.

The sad truth is that with some girls no matter what they do they cannot change the way they look. You can’t change your facial structure just like I can’t change mine. It is such a tough topic to talk about isn’t it? Luckily though, first impressions aren’t everything when it comes to dating someone.

I always like to say that..

Looks get you in the door but your personality keeps you in the house!

It’s true that ungettable girls are usually drop dead gorgeous. However, there have been plenty of gorgeous girls that I have met over the years with horrible personalities that completely turned me off. Looks are everything…. but only at first.

Wow, she is kind of annoying.

This one is kind of hard to explain but I will do my best.

I think the reason I have so much trouble with this one is the simple fact that some women can annoy me and I just don’t know why. It is one of those weird things about me.

Maybe for me it is a specific way they talk, a specific attitude they are projecting that I don’t like or just the way they carry themselves. Nevertheless, there are certain women that I will just view as annoying just because. That’s not good enough for you though is it? Let me really think about any specific behaviors that I find annoying in women.

Hmmm…

Ok, how about this.

I really get annoyed when women think they are entitled to things. For example, because they are “so pretty” the world just has to bow to them. It is actually women like that, that I want to lead on just to teach them a lesson. Pretty cruel I know but hey, this isn’t supposed to be an easy to hear section.

There are also those women that are extremely high maintenance. I don’t want to bad mouth anybody here but to me a high maintenance girl is someone like Kim Kardashian. Actually, she is kind of like the trifecta of annoying. She is pretty so she thinks the world has to bow to her. The way she talks is annoying to me and I just get this sense that she would stab anyone in the back to get ahead.

So yes, Kim Kardashian is annoying to me. Now, even with all of these qualities I would still date her if I ever had the chance. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite but I am about to tell you why. Yes, to me Kim Kardashian is extremely annoying but she is the definition of ungettable. She is very pretty, she has a pretty “rockin” bod and there is no way in the real world that a girl like her would ever date a guy like me.

Men always want what they can’t have. We are kind of complex aren’t we?

The Dream Of The Ungettable Girl

drean ungettable

How do you become an ungettable girl? As I stated above, the ungettable girl is the ultimate goal that every woman on this planet should strive towards. For me, the ultimate ungettable girl was that “girl that sat across the room in college.” About three years ago I was attending a college lecture for a biology class. To me, biology is a very boring subject so as you can imagine I was struggling to stay awake. I don’t know why I didn’t notice her before but about midway through the semester I happened to look to my left and spot probably a very beautiful girl.

She had brunette hair, blue eyes and a great smile.

Biology was over for me… For the next week any time I would walk into that class I could only focus on one thing, that girl.

Lets hit the pause button for a moment and discuss what happened here.

While I hadn’t talked to this girl yet I was already very attracted to her. I recognized her as ungettable immediately just because I have an eye for these things trust me. Anyways, what started to happen when I spotted her?

Well, I began to daydream.

What did I daydream about?

Well, I began to dream about what it would be like to take her on a date. The thing you have to understand about ungettable girls is that men will actually picture themselves on a date with them.

This quality, the daydream thing, has been present in me every single time I have met an ungettable girl. To men, it is what makes them so wildly attractive. Now, this brings up an interesting question.

How do you create this daydream world if you have already dated the person?

A sad truth about life that I have learned is that a daydream world is a lot nicer than the realty world. Thus, we can come to the conclusion that having a guy daydream about what it is like being with you is a lot more powerful than the guy actually experiencing it.

This is the one downfall of trying to get someone back.

However, dating someone certainly does have it’s advantages. I am guessing that like every relationship on this earth yours had it’s ups and downs. For now, I want you to throw the low points of your relationship away (no matter how low.) I want you to close your eyes and think back to the high points of your relationship. Do you remember what it felt like?

It is your job to leverage the high points in your previous relationship and recreate them. So essentially, I have turned your biggest disadvantage into an advantage because now you have something to shoot for.

That is really what making an ex fall in love with you again is really all about. Recreating the emotional moments of your previous relationship.

The Buffy Phenomenon

buffy phenomenon

(The Buffy Phenomenon can be complicated to understand and implement. Luckily, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO can do the job for you.)

I want to stay on this train of thought for a minute longer because IT IS a big deal. I have just hit you with the knowledge that the best way to get your ex boyfriend to love you again is to recreate the high moments of your previous relationship. I like to call this the Buffy phenomenon.

That’s a weird name Chris. Why do you call it that?

Ok, I am about to lose some serious “bro” points here but without a doubt my favorite T.V. show is Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Not the horrible movie but the T.V. show. I don’t adore the show because I love the characters (although I do) or because I love the plot of every season minus 1 and 4 (although I do.) The truth is that I adore Buffy because of it’s emotional high moments.

Now, before you skip over this I want you to hear me out.

(Spoiler Alert)

At the end of season 2 there is a really emotional moment that makes me tear up every time I watch it (which is why I rarely watch it, to savor that moment.)

At the end of season 5 a sacrifice is made that literally brings me tears because you have so much invested in the characters.

In season 6 the best musical episode ever created happens and I giggle like a little school girl every time.

In season 7 you are just in awe of how far all the main characters have come and you begin to get sad because you know the end of the series is near.

(End Of Spoilers)

The point I am trying to make here is that once a year I watch the entire series of Buffy in order from season 1 to 7 (it just so happens I started my long trek last week which is why this analogy came into my head.) I watch it and can’t wait to get to those emotional moments because I know they will have an affect on me and bring me enjoyment.

I am a MALE that comes back and watches Buffy every single year because of the high points. Do you see what I am getting at here?

Because that show did such an amazing job of highlighting the high points I come back over and over again. Imagine if you could highlight the high points of your previous relationship with your ex and get him coming back over and over again.

That is what the Buffy phenomenon is, using the high points of your relationship to your advantage.

How To Highlight Your High Points

buffy highlight high points

(For information on how to highlight your high points more effectively pick up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

There are actually a lot of different ways that you can use your high points to your advantage. For now, I am just going to be focusing on the most popular way which is through text messaging. This section is really important so I want you to pay attention.

The first thing I would like to talk about is my theory on controlling conversations.

Control Theory

Control Theory is something I talk a lot about in The Texting Bible so make sure you check that out.

One thing that I know about men in general is that we all like competition. Whether we admit it or not.

That is why we are obsessed with watching sports, playing video games and making the most money as we possibly can (to brag about it.) While I am not going to give my personal thoughts if too much competition is a good or bad thing I just want you to understand that men at their core are competitive creatures.

This competitive nature ends up flowing into our relationships as well.

Lets pretend that you (yes, you reading this article) and I are at a public event. We are both single and looking for a date. Using my advice on this site or in my E-Book you have achieved the status of “The Ungettable Girl.” I am instantly drawn to you. There is just one problem, all the other men at this public event are drawn to you as well. Not only will your value increase because of this but men will get competitive over each other for you. Of course, I will win because I am awesome ;).

It all boils down to our need for competition. We want to compete for you and beat other men for the prize. While that may sound a little degrading this is how most men out there think.

So, how does control theory play into all this?

Well, our whole goal here is to highlight the emotional high points of your relationship with your ex boyfriend. Since you have already dated this person and he has already “won” you the rules change a little bit. Instead of playing your regular “game” you are going to have to take a different approach.

I like to tell women to control everything when they are texting. That means you have to do things like:

  • End the conversation first.
  • Establish control AND make him chase you (reigniting his competitive desires.)
  • Knowing when to end the conversation when you are ahead.
  • Knowing the right time to highlight your high points.

It sounds pretty simple when you put it in a bulleted list like the one above but I promise you it is not. In fact, most women can’t get their exes back because they are not able to properly do the things on the list above.

Before we move on there is something really important that I need to discuss with you. It is the basis of my control theory. We have already established that an ungettable girl will maintain control in conversations causing the man to chase her (reigniting his competitive desires) but we haven’t discussed how to know if you are maintaining control correctly.

If You Are NOT Maintaining Control Correctly

Your conversations will be completely one sided. That means you will get a lot of thin responses from your ex any time you talk to him. Conversations will typically look like this:

negative control

If You ARE Maintaining Control Correctly

Two things will happen. Either he will be very engaged in the conversation with very positive responses or he will put forth more effort than you in the conversation. The two outcomes you are shooting for here are:

  1. To have equal effort in the conversation.
  2. To have him put more effort into the conversation than you.

If this happens then what you are doing is working and keep doing it because he is going to view you as an ungettable girl. Oh, and before we move on I want to give you another visual aid so you know what a “good” conversation with your ex should look like:

positive control

(For more texting examples I recommend you check out The Texting Bible.)

Emotional Memories

As I am writing this guide I am realizing how complex a subject this is. You see, when I write an article I try to answer every question I can think of. The problem with this guide is the subject matter is so complex I know you are going to have a lot of questions, questions that I simply can’t cover. So, if you are confused at any time just leave a comment or get my E-Book because everything is explained in there perfectly.

I am not going to cover when to use emotional memories because that would take about another 3,000 words which I don’t have. So, instead of explaining when to use emotional memories I am going to show you HOW to use them correctly.

Alright, we are about to Buffy phenomenon the heck out of your ex. However, before you go to war I want you to be prepared. This is going to take some work on your part but I think you might actually have fun with it.

Step 1

Take out a piece of paper and write down all the positive memories you can think of. (Obviously these memories have to include your ex boyfriend in them as well.)

Step 2

By the time you are done with that list you should have a minimum of at least 20 memories. If you have exactly 20 then great you can move on to the next step. If not, then you need to go back and think of more until you reach 20.

Step 3

Next, I want you to go through those list of 20 memories and pick out the ones that have an immediate emotional effect on you. For example, if you go down the list and get to memory #3 and you start getting butterflies then you can put a check mark next to that memory. Do not move on to the next step until you have 5 emotional memories that make your heart skip a beat.

Step 4

This is where things start to get a little…. tricky.

Up until this point you were combing through these memories from your point of view. Now I want you to switch places with your ex boyfriend and comb through them with HIS POINT OF VIEW. Go through the five memories that you picked out and think if he will be affected as much as you were by the memory.

IF you can pick out two of those memories that you know for a fact he will be affected by then you can move on to step 5!

Step 5

Alright, you have your ammunition but it isn’t time to go to war yet.

I need to describe how to construct this epic text message. Take one of the two emotional memories you picked and think back to how you felt during that moment. I want you to write down specific words that describe how you felt. I think the best way to show you this is to give you a personal example from me.

One of my favorite memories with my ex girlfriend was sitting on the couch in her house and cuddling/ just being close to her.

While I will admit that, that is kind of a lame memory to choose the reason I picked it is because I know for a fact she enjoyed that specific aspect of our relationship. Just being close and safe with one another. It was nothing sexual (though there were times) but it was just a feeling of being together that she and I both enjoyed.

So, the words I would use to describe that specific memory are.

  • Happy
  • Closeness
  • Excited
  • Togetherness
  • Safe
  • Protected
  • Daydreaming
  • Future
  • Bond
  • Strong

It is important to write these types of words down because you are going to be using them in your memory text message. Lets move on to the next step.

Step 6

It’s time to construct your memory into a killer text message. When this text message is used at the right time (keyword there is right) it can put your ex on the pathway to falling in love with you again and get him coming back time and time again (Buffy phenomenon anyone?)

The key to sending a good memory text message is in the details. At the same time the initial text message that you send can’t be too long. Thus, it is kind of a contradictory thing isn’t it?

I have found the best way to use emotional text messages to your advantage is to find a way to get the biggest bang for your buck. Your message can’t be more than 160 characters long but still has to pack a punch while describing the details. This is where those words I had you write down come in handy.

I would like to use my example above to further describe the correct way to come up with this text message.

So, the words I am going to pick from my list above are:

  1. Closeness
  2. Daydream
  3. Excited
  4. Future

I am now going to integrate those words into a text message. The key is to come off not emotional while being emotional. For instance:

example memory text

(Notice how I “all caps” the words I used so they stand out so you can see for yourself.)

If you want more advice on how to text your ex boyfriend using emotional memories please check out “The Bible.”

In Person Tactics

mean in person

All relationships end….

“WHOA WHAT DID HE JUST SAY???”

I am serious every single relationship that you have with another person will end.

You see, only two things can happen. Either:

A. One person breaks up with the other person.

or

B. One of you dies.

The truth is that there is only one relationship that you will ever have that lasts for your entire life. And that is the relationship you have with yourself. In this section I am going to be talking about something I have never talked about before on this site…. what to do to make your ex fall in love with you again in person.

But first, I have a question for you. Why did I mention that “the only relationship you have that lasts your entire life is the one with yourself” stuff?

Any volunteers to answer that question?

…..

No?

Well, I have done a lot of research and have a lot of experience with in person tactics and I can tell you that you are going to fail if you aren’t comfortable in your own skin. If you are inexperienced at being social with other people, specifically people who you have strong feelings for then you are at a disadvantage. Have you ever wondered why I spend so much time on this site constantly telling women to work on themselves first before they try to get an ex back? Well, it is because of this.

I have seen women do everything right to get their exes back. They send the right text messages, they get the date but they end up falling flat on their faces because they don’t know how to recreate attraction in person. Well, that ends today because I am about to give you a brief overview of what you need to do to recreate that attraction.

The Importance Of Touch

touch me

I don’t think you realize how important touch is to building attraction. Couples in love will hold hands, kiss, hug, cuddle and basically have their hands all over each other 24/7. I remember way back in High School when I got my very first girlfriend (and I am talking about first girlfriend.) Up until that point I had never even hugged a girl before (pretty lame I know haha.) Anyways, I just remember what a shock it was actually have a girl want to be held by me.

I remember thinking “WOW, this is kind of nice!”

When I think of our society in general I basically look at everyone as “touch attackers.” Any time we start to have feelings for somebody we either want to touch them in some way shape or form or be held by them. In all, everyone is obsessed with touching each other.

You can use this to your advantage when you are trying to make your ex boyfriend love you again. Below I have devised a method to integrate touch into your person to person communications with your ex boyfriend.

Planting The “Touch” Seed

On your first interaction with your ex you aren’t going to do anything risky. You are just going to use this interaction as a way to plant a seed. Your goal is to make him go home and think something like:

“Wow, I forgot how good it feels to just be around her and just to hold her.”

Obviously, there will be no holding in this stage but you want your ex boyfriend to think back to that “emotional high moment” and have it affect him. This is the Buffy phenomenon at work. Anyways, the way you are going to plant this seed is quite simple. There are really three main things I want you to do.

Thing 1: When you see him for the first time in person I want you to open up with a hug. Go up and hug him. Don’t hold the hug very long just make it a very brief, abbreviated hug.

Thing 2: Somewhere in the middle of the conversation I want you to gently touch him “accidentally” on the hand with your hand, on the leg with your leg, on the foot with your foot. Do you kind of see what I am talking about here?

Thing 3: When your time together is over I want you to end things with a hug. Just go up and do it. I don’t want their to be any awkward tension with the “do I hug her?” or “do I hug him?”

Kicking Things Up A Notch

Wow, I am excited!

I was kind of getting tired writing about the same old boring stuff so new territory is exciting for me. Alright, the second time you see your ex boyfriend in person I want you to try to hold hands with him again.

Pretty simple right?

Ahhh… it is a lot harder than you think because the holding hands part has to be his idea. So, all you can do is put yourself in a position by dropping subtle hints that will hopefully cause him to take the bait. Any time that the two of you go on a walk I want you to get really close to him. Well, specifically I want your hand to get really close to his. I don’t want you to hold hands I just want your hand so close that they touch every once in a while.

See if he takes the bait.

When And How To Kiss?

When do you kiss?

Well, I think it is safe to say that if you two are holding hands you can progress to kissing. Heck, holding hands is a pretty big step because that means he is interested in you. I have kissed girls who I had no feelings for before but I have never held hands with one I didn’t. So, don’t tell me that holding hands means nothing.

Now that you know how to kiss we need to discuss HOW to kiss.

Once again, you have to make the kiss seem like his idea.

And once again this is a lot harder than it seems. You are going to have to drop subtle hints and put yourself in a position where he will have to take the step to kiss you. Extended hugs are great for this. So, how this works is that you basically go to hug him except this isn’t a normal hug this is a more passionate one. You hold it a little longer and then once the time comes you pull away a little bit as he pulls away and then you look into his eyes for a while, get a little closer to him and see if he takes the bait!

The Friend Zone…

 friend zone

This might be my favorite in-depth guide ever!

Not because of everything I have written up until this point but because of the knowledge I am about to unleash in this section. I bet you didn’t know this but you can actually use the friend zone to your advantage. Yup, there is a specific way that you can get your ex to want you back using the friend zone and I am about to teach it to you.

(DISCLAIMER: The tactics I am about to discuss should only be used as a last ditch effort if you have tried everything above and nothing has worked.)

The Attitude You Need To Master Before Doing This

This is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done. This will be harder than the no contact rule if you have ever tried that before. The reason this is so hard is that there will be moments where you will be really tempted to break because your ex (who you have feelings for) will be right there in front of you.

In the end you have to remember that while you want to date your ex boyfriend again you don’t need to date him again.

Think about that for a moment!

You want to date him but you don’t NEED to do it

Master that attitude and the following things will start to happen:

  • You will become more attractive to your ex boyfriend because you don’t “need” him.
  • You will feel better about the situation if things don’t go your way.
  • You will be a step closer to obtaining “ungettable girl” status!

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Will Never Commit To You

This is the million dollar question isn’t it?

When a couple breaks up usually:

  • The girl breaks up with the guy.
  • The guy breaks up with the girl.
  • The couple both agrees to mutually part ways.

Whatever your specific case is one thing is guaranteed, you are here because your ex won’t recommit to you when you want him to and need advice on how to get him to do that. Well, before I actually give you advice I think it is important to study WHY he won’t commit to you.

In my experience the reason for his non commitment to you is quite simple.

A man won’t commit to a woman unless he feels like he has to in order to keep him from losing her.

Let that sink in for a little bit. Your ex boyfriend won’t commit to you because he feels he can have you at any time. There is no sense of urgency. This is one thing that men find undeniably attractive about the “ungettable girl.” They never feel like they can have her thus the competition for her begins!

The Friend Zone Tactic

Now the question shifts from “why won’t he commit to me?” to “how do I get him to commit to me?”

In this section I am going to discuss a highly controversial tactic. I want to repeat that the only time you should use this tactic is if you have tried everything else above. Essentially, this is your last ditch effort to reignite his feelings and make him fall in love with you all over again.

I want you to put your ex boyfriend in the friend zone and before you get confused I am talking about putting him in the real friend zone that everyone is so afraid of. This will take an amazing amount of discipline on your part because the truth is that you still have feelings for this person and putting him in the friend zone goes against everything you think is right.

Nevertheless, you have to do it for this to work.

The trick to this is to treat him like your gay best friend. Once you have your new gay best friend in place I want you to the following things:

I Need Some Guy Advice Tactic

Whether or not you use this tactic is completely up to you. It is kind of mean and again, will take a lot of discipline on your part BUT it can be highly effective. So, essentially how this works is you send your ex boyfriend the following text message:

guy's opinion text

You will then proceed to ask his opinion on a subject about another guy “who you have feelings for.” There are a number of reasons you are going to do this. First off, it might make him a little bit jealous and jealousy is never a bad thing because it just proves he does have feelings for you. Secondly, it is an attempt to reignite his competitive desire. Remember, men love competition. Lastly, men always want what they can’t have. What is more unobtainable than a girl who “likes” someone else.

It’s Nice To Have A Friend Like You

What is another thing that you devilish women do to men in the friend zone?

Oh, I know!

Every once in a while you pepper in a text message like this:

friend like you text

This will further reiterate your stance of having your ex boyfriend in the friend zone.

Friend Zone Lead On

You didn’t think it was over did you?

Oh no, there is a lot more to this than just putting an ex boyfriend in the friend zone. One thing that I know about men is that they love the chase. We don’t like easy women. Now, before you start trotting out evidence of how one of your friends is “easy” let me ask you something.

Has this “easy” friend ever had a lasting relationship? If she has was the guy just complete scum?

If I was a betting man I would say that she hasn’t and if she has the guy was a complete jerk. The truth is that men who go after easy women don’t want a real relationship with them, they just want a one night stand with no strings attached. True relationships can be formed off of the chase.

Now, the real question is how do you get an ex boyfriend to chase you again. Well, you did it once so you can do it again.

Putting him in the friend zone is a start but it won’t be enough. You are going to have to do something extra and that something “extra” is what I like to call the friend zone lead on.

Step 1

When he is in the friend zone do not respond to his advances at all (if he gives you any.) Reaffirm your decision to put him in the friend zone by subtly sprinkling in variations of the tactics I described above.

Step 2

I want you to notice other men, I want you to go on dates with other men (even if you still have feelings for your ex boyfriend.) When you do notice other men make sure you do it while with your ex (who is now friend zoned.) It is also important to NOT rub it in his face. You have to notice them subtly.

Step 3

Once you feel you have done a pretty good job of putting your ex in the friend zone I want you to start flirting with him. Make sure he flirts back as well. This is really important because you want to start to give him some hope that he has a chance with you when before in the friend zone he didn’t feel he did.

Step 4

Once you have him hooked in the flirting I want you to put him back in the friend zone and stop flirting with him. This will confuse him. You are giving him mixed singles and a sense of urgency will be created.

Step 5

Repeat the process over and over until he begins chasing you. Once that happens open the door to take him back!

736 thoughts on “The Definitive Guide To Making Your Ex Boyfriend Love You Again”

  1. Avatar

    Bharathy S

    August 3, 2019 at 4:23 am

    I am jus sending this mail to ask fr help.

    Will you really help me get back not my boyfriend but my husband

  2. Avatar

    Melissa

    April 6, 2019 at 8:16 pm

    Hi
    Thank you for the article it helped a lot. In my case, I was in a relationship with my ex for 3 years…the first 2 years were interesting we were so much in love. However the last year we had so much differences I guess we both changed. I became too much needy and seeked his approval, I stopped working on the relationship and concentrated on his behavior which led to arguments almost everyday. The fights began when we moved in together. I became a moody person and this distanced him everyday I couldn’t communicate my troubles to him, I would just be moody so that he would comfort me. I guess I was seeking attention. This made him to start cheating, and when I found out about it I became worse, I was very angry at him that I threatened to live him everyday. I hurt him until he couldn’t take it anymore that he finally broke up with me. This broke me very hard, we were very good together he loved me so much and didn’t want to breakup with me. However after the breakup I was very emotional I pleaded and begged him to take me back saying I will change and I even tried hurting myself with a razor blade in his presence thinking that he would change his mind but it made him go further away from me. Now its been 7 months since we broke up and still he can’t forgive me. He has been going out with a lot of girls since the breakup and now he seems to be in a stable relationship with someone else. Since the breakup I tried the no contact but I couldn’t pursue it I needed him it was hard to live him alone. This made me to agree to every request he made I ended up sleeping with him everytime he wanted thinking that it would bring back the connection but he wasn’t into me anymore. This is the current state we are in right now. I can’t say no to him I don’t know how to. He is the only guy I ever had sex with I love him, he is a great guy and I am afraid I have lost him forever. If there is a chance for me, I would really appreciate your help and would follow your guide all the way through to get back my love.
    Thank you I look forward to your reply.

  3. Avatar

    Casey

    January 22, 2018 at 9:10 pm

    I saw this website about a month ago and I did everything you recommended and the person who I thought was the one before actually might be the one again. He wasn’t committed in our last relationship but even without me saying anything about it he committed he brings me flowers and just completely spoils me. We hang out a lot but we also make time for friends or ourselves. We watch tons of movies and cuddle and he just makes me fall for him more and more each day. Every morning I wake up to a good morning paragraph and go to sleep with a good night paragraph. He tells me how important I am to him and how important this relationship is to him and I’m in love. His eyes only light up when I’m in sight. He just makes me the happiest girl every. Thank you for all your advice! 🙂

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2018 at 4:04 am

      Hi Casey,

      That’s good! Congratulations! Thank you for sharing!

  4. Avatar

    Anonymous Girl

    January 7, 2018 at 9:07 am

    My incredible boyfriend broke up with me last thursday and we had an amazing 2 months together he honestly is one of a kind and I just knew he was the one. I was kinda a whore before I meet him and dated different guys with horrible personality’s and I wasn’t fully attracted to them but when I meet Derek my life just turned completely around. I lost all interest in all other guys and just saw him as my one and only. Anyways, I just fell for him hard and I knew it was vice versa cause of little things that I would pick up on and the fact that he was the first one to actually show affection. (Not affection like the play with your heart sh*t I pick up on the fakes real quick) we just clicked. And even till the end of the relationship he would still say I love you and kiss me and hug me and stuff like that. But I f***d up and became distant cause at my house my family always argues and blames things on me and In general I’m just not showing affection and always having stupid panic attacks. But me being with Derek kept me going. I’m going to get to the point….we got to spend like a full 5 hours together and we makes out and just u know did everything but sex cause I’m the type to wait… (Yes it is what you think) so we were having fun and making jokes in between kisses and laughing and then we didn’t see each other for a week cause of Christmas. Then when we saw each other again we kissed but I was not at all touchy and very distant cause of being with my family for so long and I made him loose attraction towards me none purposefully. Then he slowly distance himself from me and he told my best Friend he didn’t kmnow why but he doesn’t feel the same anymore and she of course told me. So at the end of the day I put a fake smile on my face and he said we needed to talk and word for word he said in the beginning of our relationship it was so sweet and fun but he just doest feel the same and of course I was already on edge of tears. He also said he doesn’t want me to cry and wants us to still be friends and he deeply cares about me. So I say yeah why wouldn’t we and I walk away and cry in my best friends arms. Idk what to do. should I try and get him back or move on?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 8:53 pm

      Hi Anonymous girl,

      why not try the nc rule first?

  5. Avatar

    Luna

    December 17, 2017 at 9:04 am

    Thanks for a good article – I didn’t cheat on my guy but the funny thing is he feels I hurt him a lot through complaining and criticisms. He all has his own issues of people pleasing and often just agreed with me when I suggested something even if he had a dissenting opinion – as to why he did that? Oh he assumed based on my previous behavior I would just argue with him? He made a decision about me he had no faith in me and then he just suppressed his true needs but poker facing it along being happy and planning kids.

    The problem is he feels so much damage done he resents me has no feelings for me or affection. He said I broke his heart and that he can never trust me again to let me in for fear I will break it again – I mean I didn’t even cheat on him I get it for people who cheat perhaps the person who was cheated on can share such sentiments.

    I just fear he is a sensitive soul that he is broken and he can’t look at me same way and won’t let me in. I’m trying to be friends but he keeps saying I won’t let go – we do surface level talking as we share kids. But perhaps I need to implement a 3m limited NC rule even tho I feel we are in limited NC for a few months now – he just feels he doesn’t miss me at all and that we can be friends but it will take him a long time before he ever feels he can let me in again 🙁

  6. Avatar

    san

    November 19, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    Hi,so my on and of ex started texting after our 6months breakup.At first he cared,sent me money always checking up on me.So las week he texted n invited me out sayx he missed me i went and he told me his problem with me during our relationship was the fact that i liked keepx late nights n i am kind of rude and proud.After the date he texted the next day a.d the day after.Few days ago he started acting strangely no more text and he traveled without letting me know.and he is single because he keeps postx single memes.My worry is on how to make him love me and ask me out to be his girlfriend again.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 10:29 pm

      Hi San,

      Have you tried the advice on this one?
      How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

  7. Avatar

    A reader

    November 12, 2017 at 9:39 am

    I was being mentored by a guy online. We’d been in contact on and off for 2 years and then we started to do video training. We already had a bit of an apparent connection, but the videos intensified it a lot.

    Within 3 days we couldn’t stop thinking about each other and then training became tough because we were just so into each other. We stayed chatting for hours, even changing our time zones to chat more.

    Anyway, after a few weeks, we couldn’t take it anymore and he flew me out to be with him. I stayed for 2 months and we definitely connected in person.

    He was the one mostly pursuing me and often didn’t want to part ways. He took me around to look at houses we could aspire to live in together. Suggested marriage, meeting his children. I met some of his friends. I can honestly say that things were great.

    He helped me work on my business so I could get my visa. He put a bit of money into it and I said he would own 50% in return. he helped me set up a company there, helped contact visa lawyers etc.

    Here’s the problem. He was still going through a divorce so we had to keep things low key, I ended up living i in his shop for the last 4 weeks due to being flooded out in a hurricane, and I’m not a US citizen.

    The final week I was there, we went house hunting, he sent me pictures of his girls and said he wished i could meet them soon, but then 2 days later, he went completely cold on me. A further 2 days later, he sent me home.

    Before I left, i suggested being friends, but he said he did see a future together and it wasn’t over. He had no concerns about our future and this was just a means to get ourselves in a better position. He suggested he had worries about the visa, he was worried about his business and needed to focus, and that it wasn’t goodbye just c-ya. He let me leave a suitcase there and leave my business registered to his address.

    I got back to the UK and 5 weeks on, I messaged him a few time, but he never even opened the messages so I stopped contact. I messed him a friendly update and he finally opened it, but didn’t respond. There are rumours that he went out with a girl, although I can’t verify.

    I will be seeing him in 9 weeks when I travel back to the US. His divorce is now final, but presumably it’s true he is dating. The way I see it, as long as he hasn’t settled into another marriage, there is still hope of this working out. Or am I being crazy?

    This message doesn’t’ even touch on how perfect things were, and not just for me. I genuinely believe he felt there was a future for us, and just need direction to remind him of that. Please help.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 1:46 am

      Hi,
      what do you mean that you will be seeing him? Is that a set date that you both agreed on?

  8. Avatar

    TJ

    October 18, 2017 at 3:49 am

    Hi community friends,

    First of all thank you all for sharing your experience and advice! I think i got the gist of it. But breakups, especially getting dumped can really destroy someone’s self esteem and confidence. My ex boyfriend broke up with me because he “doesn’t feel it anymore”. He poured his heart out about how he’s not attracted to me and felt bored. Relating to this article, I totally understood what i did wrong and what i could improve on. I was overly emotional, and did gain a few pounds. But everytime i think of it, everytime i look myself in the mirror, when i look at my body, I just felt like complete shit and don’t know how to pick myself up…. He didn’t even want to have sex with me anymore. I used to be proud of my body and now I just felt like trash. I just… can’t go out of my way to improve myself when this happens…. Does anyone have any advice on how to cheer up and not feel like complete trash?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 19, 2017 at 3:10 pm

      HI Tj,

      just to make it clear, you’re already broken up right? If yes, start the no contact rule.

  9. Avatar

    ITI

    July 16, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    Hi Team EBR! Would just like to ask for your opinion in my situation. Broke up with my boyfriend on Saturday. Did the major mistake of crying begging and pleading. Luckily my ex is a gentleman he still texted me afterwards and wanted to be friends. He broke up with me because I broke his trust snooped on his phone and he thinks I love him tok much. I havent replied on his last text and I want to implement NC.
    You think we have a chance?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 8:52 pm

  10. Avatar

    Anvi

    April 27, 2017 at 12:17 am

    Please i need ur help….me and my bf were so happy together for 1 and half years of our relationship…but suddenly he told me yesterday that he wants to quit because he feels all these boring and shit and he wants to do something in his life and i am distracting him….he told me he will never come back to me and no any other girl will be….but i cant live without him..i’m dying without him….i cant let him go…i’m feeling alone…i want to die….i loved him so much and i’ll forever…he is only person in my life whom i trust soo much…..plzz help me how can i get him back in my life…plzz answer immediately….plzz

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 30, 2017 at 7:27 am

      Hi Anvi,
      I hope you’re in nc rule now..

  11. Avatar

    Ane

    April 19, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    hi Amor,

    When i first got in contact with my ex after the 30 days he seemed quite excited to chat. Its now been 2 weeks of being in contact and he has become much less interested in chatting. I started by leaving him wanting more but recently he has not been replying to me and so i do not have the opportunity to do so. I’ve tried memory (non romantic) texts, I’ve tried using his interests, etc but hes slowly replying to me less and less and seems. We got to 10 texts using tide theory and now it seems like I can barely get 2 texts before he stops responding. What should I do?

    1. Avatar

      Ane

      June 11, 2017 at 3:00 am

      Hi Amor,

      Recently I’ve been really busy and he has tried to initiate dates but I have had to turn them down due to my crazy schedule. Last night after I turned him down to come over that night he suddenly became much shorter with me, replying in a cold manner. All was going really well and now suddenly he doesn’t reply/is cold?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 9:47 am

      When you turn him down do you give an alternate date?

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 5, 2017 at 6:48 pm

      of course there wont be attraction in that conversation, he’s sad.. and attraction cant be judged in just one or two conversations with an ex because it takes time to rebuild it…you dont have to do a 7 day nc, but you need to remind yourself that it takes time, and it’s a process.

    4. Avatar

      Ane

      May 30, 2017 at 11:10 pm

      Hi Amor,

      I met up with my ex for the first time a few days ago and it went really well! There was a very real spark and he kept giving me really intense eye contact like he wanted to kiss me. He also commented a lot on how I’m doing so well these days and seem to be really busy. However I made a few mistakes. I may have let the date get a little long as it started to veer on 2.5 hours. Also at the end I made a suggestion for a second date which he was very interested in but I’m worried that I’m being too available now since I initiated. I don’t want to get stuck in the friendzone so do you have any suggestions on what to do going forward?

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      just dont bring it up again.. go back to your activities and in slowly building rapport.

    6. Avatar

      Ane

      May 16, 2017 at 1:57 am

      One final question: if he tries to kiss me on our first meet up should I avoid it/say no? I read that making out is not the best decision with an ex

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 17, 2017 at 6:09 pm

      yeah, for me you should avoid it of you can especially if you’re in a private place, like your home, definitely not…

    8. Avatar

      Ane

      May 12, 2017 at 7:08 pm

      Should I initiate a catch up since I turned him down the first time or wait till he asks again?

    9. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 12, 2017 at 8:10 pm

      you can initiate too.. when you turn down, try to initiate a new schedule.. if you’re going to wait, set a limit until when

    10. Avatar

      Ane

      May 10, 2017 at 10:32 pm

      Just another quick question. We were having a really good quality conversation, certainly building rapport but he suddenly stopped replying even though my last message had a lot of substance. I know that this means I should rest from initiating conversations for the next 3 days, but if he tries to initiate another conversation tomorrow should I ignore it to prove that he cant just randomly leave or should I play cool and still reply?

    11. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 4:26 pm

      it’s ok to rest from initiating every now and then but reply if he does and be the one to end the convo at high point

    12. Avatar

      Ane

      May 8, 2017 at 10:53 pm

      Also, because I had to turn down hanging out, should I initiate a catch up or wait till he tries again?

    13. Avatar

      Ane

      May 8, 2017 at 8:47 pm

      Hi,

      So far I´m noticing positive responses. He even asked to hang out the other day but I was at work so I couldn´t. What I want to know however is it possible to take things too slowly? At the moment I message him a few days and then have been entering mini no contact periods of 1-2 days here and there. Is this incorrect if I am trying to build rapport?

    14. Avatar

      Ane

      May 2, 2017 at 9:46 pm

      Hi Amor,

      I´ve just encountered my ex on tinder. Is this a bad sign that the strategies I´m using are not working? I am really trying to dig into the Ziegarnick Effect. Should I take this as a sign that I need to instead give up and move on?

    15. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 3, 2017 at 6:48 pm

      nope..just let him be.. if you want to move on, we wont stop you of course..

    16. Avatar

      Ane

      April 27, 2017 at 11:13 pm

      Thanks for your response. I´m a bit confused however. If I´m trying to reestablish communication and build rapport, how do I play hard to get and be the ungettable girl at the same time? By trying to communicate and showing interest in conversations, doesn´t that mean I´m doing the opposite of playing hard to get?

    17. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 30, 2017 at 8:19 am

      that’s why you need to end the conversation at high point and to keep improving yourself and having your own life.. It’s ok to talk.. just don’t do it too much.

    18. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 25, 2017 at 4:34 pm

      It’s ok to hang out if he initiated it..rest from initiating for n

  12. Avatar

    Anne

    March 27, 2017 at 7:09 am

    I broke up with my ex, we been couple for a years, 2 weeks he begging me to come back, tell my friends he cannot move on without me, tell everybody I dumb he, he cried a lot, but after 2 weeks, he tell everybody he meet someone new and want to marry that girl. He said he already move on, and very happy without me, he felt free. Yes im hurt when he’s now with other girl, I want him back, I love him. The worst thing is, im pregnant 4month. At first, he was so happy and want to take all responsibility together. I had very bad mood swing during first pregnancy, we fight and fight until I dumb him. Thing getiing more n more difficult without him. I miss him a lot, but he know seems really happy with his new relationship. And that girl know im pregnant and ok with that. His family knew im pregnant, and they dont like it. His mom dont like me at all cause she’s said im a rude person and asked my ex not to take any responsibility. Just leave me to handle dis alone. Now my ex just follow all his mom said. And my friend told me, my ex still mad at me bcause being rude with his mom. Im so confius what to do now. He’s mad at me, he’s got other girl, and he’s move on so fast. He dont ever care about this baby. I still love him. But this situation make it harder to make he come back. Pls help me.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2017 at 4:22 pm

      Hi Anne,

      when did you break up? Try thr advice on this one:
      Here’s How To Get Your “Baby Daddy” Back

  13. Avatar

    Katie

    March 6, 2017 at 5:15 pm

    So it’s been a month since me and my ex-boyfriend broke up. We were amazing together but something happened to cause us to go in to different directions that didn’t coincide. We were both under a lot of stress later in our relationship because we had so much going on separately. So we came to an agreement that we were just not fit to be together right now and that we’re trying to remain friends. I was fine for about a week but then suddenly I came to realize that I miss him so much that it was almost unbearable. I continued to give him his space which is difficult. And I began to wonder if there is more to why he broke up with me. This was someone who was so in love with me that he was literally scared of losing me and would do anything for me. So without breaking his space I asked one of our mutual friends if there was something more like he fell for someone else, or he feels threatened by my new career. Part of me knew that those things weren’t true because my ex is very forward and upfront and doesn’t hide anything but it was still knawing at the back of my head cause I guess I was scared. Then I noticed that my ex was viewing all of my stories on snapchat. Normally everything I post is either a cute selfie or I’m out having fun with friends. Then almost two weeks later he unfriended me on snapchat. And I was confused because I was afraid I did something to upset him. So I texted one of our mutual friends if he knew anything because I still wanted to give him space. So then after some time without talking or seeing each other, and since we still wanted to be friends, I decided to send him a text just being friendly like “hey, how are you? hope you’re doing well” etc. And then one thing led to another we got in to an argument because apparently just because we have the same friends, and I only asked about my ex twice to our friend, and without even mentioning my ex, I would ask to hang out, that I’m using them to try to get closer to my ex when that wasn’t even true, I even reassured to our friend that it’s not true. But my ex basically talked to me like I’m not handling this in a healthy way like he was mad and on edge. But at the time I still needed some closure and had some questions so I don’t think I did anything wrong. So then I asked him about snapchat and he said he wants space and time apart but, he didn’t have to look at my snap stories, he really didn’t. So we haven’t really talked since and I haven’t even tried contacting him but now I’m afraid I’m losing him as a friend because we started off as very good friends. I want him back more than anything. He even said after our breakup that if there was ever a shot again then he’d take it. What does that mean exactly? Do we still have a chance to be together again? Is time apart all we need?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 2:32 am

      Hi Katie,

      dont chase.. the more you’re trying to imply you just want to be friends, the more you look like you’re forcing it.. try a 45 day nc, be very active in improving yourself and continue being active in posting, after that slowly rebuild rapport..

  14. Avatar

    lily

    February 28, 2017 at 12:03 am

    I fell in love with this guyv2yrs ago. yesterday he asked for for forgiveness for ill treating and hurting me. he did not say anything about giving us another chance. I love him so much. does it mean its over? is there hope that he will love me genuinely or I should ket him go

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 28, 2017 at 6:49 pm

      Hi LiLy,

      Honestly Lily, it would be better to forgive him and then move on. Because if he wants a chance with you, he has to work hard for it. Don’t let him treat as somebody that’s disposable always..

  15. Avatar

    lily

    February 27, 2017 at 11:58 pm

    I have this wonderful man that I love with all my heart. for 2 good yrs he was playing with my heart but I didnt realize this for I was much in love with him. he would send me text to show that he is interested an even said he wants to marry me. but his actions said otherwise. just yesterday, I received a text from him telling me that he was sorry for hurting me and whenever there seemed to be a relationship it disappeared as soon as it came. was he not neing seriousbwith me? he sometimes chased and even got angry if I don’t text him. is it over? is there a chance to fell in love with me genuinely or I should forget about him

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 28, 2017 at 6:49 pm

      Hi LiLy,

      Honestly Lily, it would be better to forgive him and then move on. Because if he wants a chance with you, he has to work hard for it. Don’t let him treat as somebody that’s disposable always..

  16. Avatar

    Carl

    February 25, 2017 at 12:08 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Things were messy, I got angry and then later I apologized a lot and begged for hm back. I did little-no contact the last month and now we are on good terms but I am being a little bit distant and sometimes ignoring his messages. We had a trip booked together which I have paid for (he will pay me half if we go) but I’m not sure if I should go with him or not. If I follow him up on this trip does it make me seem really needy and desperate? On the other hand it could be a good opportunity to have fun and perhaps revive things.. Am I overthinking it? We are on okay terms now and I think it might go okay but I have another friend who has already said they will go with me. Part of me feels like I could make a point of not taking him – I no longer need you in my life and am not going to reward you by taking you on a trip. He is not a native English speaker and we are living together. Do you think I should go with him?

    1. Avatar

      Carl

      February 26, 2017 at 9:39 pm

      Yes that’s right – I took it for granted then begged for him back but he had already decided ages ago he would like to be friends.
      What I meant is that I can go on the trip with a friend instead of my ex. That way I can actually enjoy myself and it will not be awkward and I think it also shows to my ex that I can have fun without him and am not going to pander to his every whim just to get him back. I know it will irritate him because he will probably want to go but he might then miss me or be a little jealous.
      I could go with my ex and try to have fun but I’m not 100% sure we are ready for it. Should I wait until I see him again before I decided (seeing him in 2 days)?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2017 at 3:20 pm

      yeah.. I think that’s the safest choice..see him first, by then it would be easier to decide.. guage how you are with each other

    3. Avatar

      Carl

      February 25, 2017 at 11:16 pm

      Also thank you so much for your reply and the link. I am really grateful to have someone like you to talk to about it

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2017 at 5:41 pm

      You’re welcome! Actually that’s what I’m confused. You can’t be clingy and take someone for granted at the same time. Because when you’re clingy, you give so much attention and want so much attention. But I think what you meant is that before you took him for granted and then you became clingy right? If that’s the case, it’s not really being clingy, it’s like you chased him because he’s going away after you took for him granted but he’s already decided. For me, go on the trip, but don’t bring a friend, just have fun. But don’t sleep with him. If it doesn’t work out, then do the no contact rule.

    5. Avatar

      Carl

      February 25, 2017 at 11:16 pm

      Yes because I was clingy and also I took the relationship for granted. I meant I did little TO no contact (he always messaged me once a week or so). In the relationship was sometimes a bit rude and standoffish and finally he said he couldn’t stand it anymore because he had lost feelings (he hadn’t mentioned anything to me though before the breakup so I didn’t even realise myself).
      Afterward I acted really desperate trying to get back together. I know that even if we were to get back together, it wouldn’t happen until I was less clingy and he knew I had changed and accepted the breakup for now. I need to be fun and confident and change his image of me first.
      That is why I can’t decide if taking him up on this trip would make me seem pathetic like I’m still trying to force the relationship. On the other hand it could be an opportunity to prove I am a changed person. I want it to be natural. Should I go with a friend and kind of make him jealous? I don’t want to annoy him or seem bitter about the breakup by not taking him though. What option do you think might be smarter in my situation?

    6. Avatar

      Carl

      February 25, 2017 at 12:14 am

      I should say as well he told me he wanted to be friends, even best friends. I want him back and want to be more than just friends. He is not the type to overthink these things but he may subconsciously feel I am being needy and clingy still. What would be the best way to approach this?

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 9:31 pm

      Hi Carl,

      You broke up because you were clingy? It’s either you go or not. if you’re not coming in the trip, stick to it. What did you mean that you did little no contact? Have you checked this link?
      EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

  17. Avatar

    pooja

    February 13, 2017 at 6:27 am

    i met a guy online, we became friends. it was seemed perfect, i told him about my boyfriend, we flirted chatted all day long. one day he came to my city to meet me, it was great we talked for hours, it felt so great. the next day while we were discussing about the meeting, i asked him if he felt love at first site,he said no , i cried . i started getting too involved, obsessed and possessive, kind of constant texting and calling. he started going away. i broke up with my boyfriend for him.two days back he told me he likes someone ,its kind of love, he knows how much i love him, he says we can be friends. i want him back badly , i want him to fall for me , and love me.i am afraid he wont come back ,or that girl might catch his heart. since its a long distance relationship, we don’t get to see each other for months. what to do?. please help me

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 1:24 pm

      Hi Pooja,

      For me you should move on but if you dont want to click the links below and follow the advice on both:

      The Ungettable Girl

      You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

  18. Avatar

    Samia

    February 11, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    Hi,
    I would like Chris to coach me. I do not want to share all the details in the comments section though. But will briefly mention that it felt like a confusing, unusual, and at the same time bad break up for me. It happened a slightly over 3 weeks ago and I have been applying NC for 2 weeks and one day. I think he is using NC too. Due to the complexity and layers of the situation, I feel it is best to be coached. I really do not want to mess things up. I am serious about doing things differently. I know myself and think if Chris coaches me, I will have more discipline. Please tell me how I can get him to coach me.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 13, 2017 at 3:51 pm

      Hi Samia,

      I’ll forward this to Chris today. But I can’t promise when and if he will answer here or in your email. Have you bought the ex recovery pro? The package includes being added in a private fb group where Chris and Jen coaches the members.

  19. Avatar

    Kat

    February 11, 2017 at 2:46 am

    My boyfriend (29) broke up with me (24) on New Year’s Eve after 2 years. We would’ve had our anniversary on New Year’s Day. It’s a difficult and very painful situation right now as we were living together and still are and he was my first actual partner where I was committed in that way. We had many fights about particular issues that always surfaced again. We both played our parts in that, and I know what I did wrong and want to fix it, but he told me that he just “doesn’t feel it anymore”, that he’s not attracted to me anymore because of what happened, that it made him fall out of love with me. I’m right now looking for a different place to live for a while, but it’s hurting me a lot.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 11, 2017 at 5:21 pm

      Hi Kat,

      for now, because you still live together, follow the advice on this one:
      EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

  20. Avatar

    Daya

    February 7, 2017 at 10:39 am

    My boyfriend (16) and I (17) broke up almost month ago. He broke that relationship saying he had life goals to complete. we were together for 5 months. in between this time he already had broke up with me once and 1 month later came back and i accepted him. after that we had all kind of physical intimacy and shared most of the time together. i had never forced him in anything and agreed to whatever he said. I miss him so badly everyday. he did break up over a text message and i just replied him to get lost and never come back. after that i have never test him as i was too afraid to make him hate me. since then i had no contact with him though I sometimes ask his close friend about him. He never tried to check my condition and now he is flirting with girls. Do i have any chance to get him back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2017 at 9:50 pm

      Hi Daya,

      even if you had no contact, you were not focused in improving yourself at that time..Try that first. Do 30 days, improve yourself and be active in social media too..

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