What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back

This may be shocking to hear, especially after your ex treated you so poorly after your breakup, but he may secretly want you back. One of the most asked questions I get on this site, aside from “how do I get my ex back” is “how do I know that my ex boyfriend actually wants me back?” In this article I am going to take an in-depth look at the male psyche and try to give you a resource that you can refer to if you want to know if he wants you back. No, this is not an exact science but I have found that time and time again an ex who is really missing his girl exhibits the signs laid out on this page.

Side Note: If you are an avid reader of my site you may be thinking that this article is similar to the signs your ex still loves you. While I will admit that this article has a similar preface it is taking a much different approach and it is my goal to make this as informative as possible.

The Rundown Of This Page

Did you know that an ex will exhibit certain signs when he begins to want you back? This page is going to explore those signs essentially giving you a checklist to watch out for. Now, I am not going to pretend to know everything (because I don’t.) There may be signs that I left out of this page that he could exhibit and there may be signs on this page that he could exhibit (but still doesn’t want you back.) However, what I will tell you is that I have a lot of experience dealing with these situations so the signs that you see listed below will most likely mean your ex is seriously regretting his decision to not be with you. I will be covering things like

  • Understanding the male mind after a breakup.
  • The importance of anger and how to understand it.
  • And how the no contact rule fits into all of this.

Free On Demand Coaching
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The Male Mind After A Breakup

male mind

I thought a great way to kick off this particular article was with a look at the male mind after a breakup. As many of you know I am a male so I can give a very unique perspective on how to get your ex back by getting inside the mind of your guy. Contrary to popular belief men do actually have feelings. Now, I would say that 95% of the people reading this are women. At your core you are very emotional creatures. You aren’t afraid to cry when you need to cry or feel when you need to feel. I have learned that women are very in touch with their emotions.

Funny story actually, I remember having a friend in high school (she was a girl) that was literally all over the place emotionally. She wouldn’t be afraid to cry in class or do any other overemotional things. The funny part was how fast she would bounce back after these emotional outbursts. You would see her an hour later and she would be carrying on like nothing happened. It always struck me as bizarre but as I thought more and more about it I began to realize that women are much better at handling their emotions than men are.

Sure, a guy can cry after a breakup but what I am talking about here goes much deeper than that. Men shun true emotions after a breakup. I can remember my own breakup and how I handled it. I had been dating this girl for almost a year and at the end it was really… rocky. I remember after we broke up I felt completely free. It felt like weights had been lifted off of my shoulders. I remember thinking “this isn’t so bad.” Of course, a few days later I began to realize just how bad a breakup can be as the emotions hit me. I didn’t know what to do with them. I had never felt the type of things I was experiencing. (It was my first breakup ever.)

Every guy has a different way of handling a breakup. Me, I became a recluse for a while and decided to focus on myself. Other guys will create a defense mechanism that prevents any girl in the future from every penetrating it (George Clooney.) Of course, there is also the rebound guy that starts getting into new relationships immediately after your breakup.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Women know how to deal with emotions, men do not.
  • It can sometimes take a few days for the “emotions” to kick in for a guy after a breakup.
  • Every guy has a unique way of handling a breakup (defense mechanism, recluse, rebound.)

Anger Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

angry meme

Now we are diving into the meat of this article! There is a common misconception going around that I would like to take a moment to dispel.

Common Misconception- If your ex is angry it means he doesn’t want you back.


In fact, I would be more worried if your ex wasn’t angry with you in some way shape or form. Also, you have to keep in mind that sometimes your ex could be doing a phenomenal job at hiding his anger so I will admit that it isn’t always easy to tell if your boyfriend is angry at you. Anyways, back to the point here. Hate isn’t the opposite of love, apathy is.

You see, any time he displays any form of anger aimed towards you (yelling, talking bad about you to his friends, talking bad about you to you) women take it personally. I can understand why they take it personally too, after all, no one likes to be called a bit$% or get yelled at in the street. Nevertheless, lets try to take a deeper look into what is going through the mind of a man who is doing these types of things.

I will not lie to you, I have gotten into a shouting match with a girlfriend before. I have yelled at the top of my lungs and said some really horrible stuff. While I am certainly ashamed of these things I think I have found a way to put these horrible memories to use, by helping you out.

Any time I have done anything like this I have been extremely “emotionally invested” with the person I was talking to. I cared about them on a very deep level and because of that deep level every action that they performed was magnified. I wasn’t yelling because deep down I hated the person or never wanted to be with them again. I yelled because I cared about them in some twisted way.

I know, I know it is really twisted but that is literally how a guys mind works. So, that is the first sign I would say that you should look for to determine if your ex wants you back.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • If your ex is angry with you it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you back.
  • It can be tricky to tell if an ex is angry with you because some of them do a good job at hiding it.
  • Usually anger means your ex is emotionally invested in you.

Free On Demand Coaching
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How The No Contact Rule Can Work As A Warning Sign

no contact meme

If you are an avid reader of this website then you know that I am a huge fan of the no contact rule. In fact, sometimes I feel like a broken record repeating the same advice over and over. No contact rule this, no contact rule that. It may shock you to learn that the NC rule can actually be used as a test to see if your ex wants you back.

Men in general like to think very highly of themselves. However, when you add in the fact that he has a girl wanting him his ego can get really inflated. One of my best friends described this phenomenon perfectly. He would tell me that he used to go to the gym to please girls. He wanted a “hot” body so that girls would fall over themselves just to have a chance to be with him. He says that he remembers going to the gym and being pretty arrogant because he had the “fitness model” body. Now, keep in mind at this point my friend didn’t have a girlfriend this was just how he saw himself.

Of course, a few years later when he was in a relationship with a girl his trips to the gym were completely different. He walked around thinking he was a king. He was “preselected” by women and it gave him an ego you wouldn’t believe. In his mind he could do no wrong. He didn’t even have to work out anymore. A man feels like an absolute god when he knows there is a girl that likes him.

Now, lets apply this knowledge to your ex. At this point, it doesn’t matter who broke up with who. You want him back and chances are he knows it. This fact alone will inflate his ego to an extraordinary level because in his mind he has you wrapped around his finger.


no contact baby memeWhen you add in the no contact rule suddenly the dynamic changes. He is expecting you to call him a million times during the breakup, do the emotional dance and even get on your knees and beg for him to come back to you. Only if you do a strict no contact rule he begins to wonder why you aren’t doing what you are supposed to do in begging for him back. Soon, he begins to worry that you have moved on so he reaches out to you, only you don’t respond.

Oh, now he is getting angry. In his mind he is this god who can have any woman he wants (because he had you) and you have the audacity to ignore his call? Anger on his part during the no contact rule is the next warning sign. I know it sounds crazy. How can an upset ex be a good thing? Again, it means he is emotionally invested in what you think and do.

There are a few things I would still like to point out though. The warning sign here is only shown if HE initiates contact during the no contact period. So, he has to call you/text you/facebook you/email you and then YOU have to ignore him. His reaction to you ignoring him is the sign for him wanting you back. The more upset he gets the more your value rises to him. I know that sounds weird, I mean, I am basically saying you want your ex to get upset. However, lets look at it on a logical level.

If he is this upset by your freeze out during the no contact rule we know that it means he is emotionally invested in you. It’s important that you don’t engage him because you want the dynamic to be that you are in control at all times. Him always having to work to get you will kind of turn him on a little bit because guys always want what they can’t have. Also, if he realizes that he is constantly chasing or having to work to get you your value will raise in his eyes. Instead of being the crazy ex girlfriend you will be the one that got away.

Pssstt… (Men always want the one that got away!)

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • In order for this warning sign to manifest you have to implement the no contact rule which you can learn more about here.
  • Men have big egos to start with but when they know they are “preselected” by girls their ego shoots through the roof.
  • If your ex boyfriend gets upset at you during the NC rule for not responding to him it means he is emotionally invested.
  • The more upset he gets during the NC period the more your value will rise to him.

Free On Demand Coaching
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Moving On A Little Quickly Now Aren’t We?

moving on meme

Men deal with breakups in all kinds of different ways. I actually alluded to this at the beginning of the article but I really didn’t go too far in-depth because I knew I was going to be talking about it here. Well, perhaps I should be a little more specific, I am going to be talking about one particular way that men deal with a breakup that is a surefire warning sign that he is not over you yet and may want you back in the future.

I hear a lot of stories every single day. As I am writing this article I am looking at my un-moderated comments. Shockingly, it is kind of low as there are only 33 I haven’t answered yet. Now, I can make you one guarantee about these 33 comments. When I do get to them later tonight there will be one or two that sound like this:

Chris, my ex and I dated for three years. We broke up a week ago but I wish I had found your site earlier because I have made so many mistakes that you say not to make. I called him too much and basically begged to get him back. I am afraid I scared him off because now he is dating this other girl….

Every single day I literally have a comment that looks like that. While I am absolutely thrilled to be getting these types of comments so early in this sites history I sometimes feel like some people don’t read what I am recommending and just decide to comment. But that is besides the point.

The point is that I chose this particular type of comment to discuss in this section because it is a potential warning sign that your ex boyfriend is not over you. As I said, every guy has a different way of dealing with a breakup. This particular type of guy immediately goes on the prowl looking for a woman to take away his pain.

Instead of doing the smart thing and letting a certain amount of time to go by, so he can heal, he tries to replace the hole in his heart with someone else, someone new. In the relationship industry we like to call this a “rebound relationship.” That is your sign. If he very quickly moves on after your relationship it is going to hurt you no doubt. However, you need to take a step back and look at things in a more “big picture” perspective. In most cases, rebound relationships don’t last. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the article I linked to above.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Men have different ways of dealing with breakups.
  • One of the most common ways is to go on the prowl for girls to fill the hole that you left in his heart.

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

1,379 thoughts on “Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back”

  1. Nikki

    January 21, 2018 at 4:15 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend due to things I was overthinking and because I felt our relationship wasn’t growing and I immediately regretted it. I texted him in the next two days saying that I did feel like that but I felt bad for not talking to him about the issues I was keeping bottled up and I would give him another chance and he said what I said was right and that we should find relationships where we can grow. He unfollowed me on everything a couple weeks in and now I want to get back with him. He’s a very low key person and never expresses what he is feeling, for example before we got together, I was extremely confused if he liked me or not bc he shuts off his emotions so he acts like he’s always ok and manly. But when we were in the relationship, he was actually extremely sweet. I can’t tell if he’s hiding his emotions again, like rejecting our relationship 2 days after- although that could just be his pride kicking in, and he liked my instagram photo before unfollowing me, and when I asked to talk to him while returning his stuff he seemed like his normal self (acting happy) and confirmed that we were friends after asking him. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2018 at 3:26 pm

      Hi Nikki,

      Take back being friends.. Tell him being friends is not workable right now then thank him for everything..and then start the nc rule..

  2. Imogen

    January 14, 2018 at 9:24 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me at the end of November with distance being an issue in our relationship. He was never ok with being long distance and always hated when we were apart, so I knew after living together for a year, being apart suddenly would be very difficult for us to cope with. When we met to break up he was absolutely devastated and crying and kept saying how he wanted me in his life and wanted to be friends with me and he sent me a text afterwards saying he’d always care a lot about me and always be there for me. Whilst we were together he was always very much more in love with me and needy in the relationship than I was. I’m not very open with my feelings due to the fear of getting hurt and I didn’t feel the need to publicise our relationship all over social media. 5 weeks after we broke up he met a girl and started seeing her straight away, she then flew back to Australia after they’d known each other for 2 weeks, but they’re already posting couple pictures and stuff on Instagram and constantly tagging each other in stuff on facebook. Since hes met her hes been a completely different person towards me, he’s been rude, telling me he doesnt want a friendship with me anymore hes moved on so I need to get a grip and get over it, and that he cares more about her than he does about me. Its hurting me that he could move on so quickly with someone he doesn’t even know and say all these things to me when he doesn’t even know this girl. He told me he had a great 2 years with me, and the person I know was so deeply in love with me I just can’t fathom how hes moved on so quickly. The person I knew would never hurt me like this, hes changed so much since hes met her and I feel like our whole relationship was a lie now after him telling me he doesn’t like being single. I just need advice as to whether you think he has truly moved on or do you think hes just convinced himself he has and using this new person, who is nothing like me in terms of expressing feelings as she is much more like him, to distract himself from our break up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2018 at 10:50 pm

      Hi Imogen,

      she could be a rebound but check this one:
      EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend

  3. Jamielee sweeney

    January 13, 2018 at 9:33 pm

    Help, my boyfriend ended the relationship on Thursday night after a stupid argument over Ikea and me not dropping the argument. We just celebrated out one year anniversary of being together at the weekend and we where planning a holiday at the start of the week. After our argument he left the house and didn’t speak to me all Thursdays and then text on Thursday night saying it was over. I woke up on Friday morning to his fb pictures being deleted, unfrieneded on fb and all my family unfriended and tonight he’s posted a status about snap chat inviting people to add him… I’m confused I understand I he’s falling out of love with me – but why the bitterness and nasty ness plus making the break up so public so quickly please can I have you’re advice !

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 12:10 pm

      Hi Jamieless, .

      either he’s just acting out of emotion or he’s using what happened as an excuse for breaking up with you.

  4. Heather

    January 4, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    My ex fiancé and I a month ago he never really broke up with me. I the reason behind the so called break up and he is blaming me because I lied about my friend who I dated in the past was having issues with his current ex. Which I was mutual friends with both of them. Not even a day after I leave he started a relationship with our roommate and my best friend girlfriend. She not a good person and she lies to him a lot. They moved into a separate place. And I tried begging him for him to come back. I love him with all my heart. But the night he left they slept together and he keeps denying he cheated on me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2018 at 12:17 am

      Hi Heather,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  5. Lizbet

    January 1, 2018 at 6:17 pm

    My boyfriend and I had become platonic friends the last year or so of a 10.5 year relationship. He kept calling me his girlfriend and signing his emails ” I love you” etc although I did not return that sentiment; I didn’t want to lead him on. He started seeing someone and did not tell me about it. She stopped seeing him because he kept on talking about me. Finally he called me, told me about her, and wanted me to call her to tell her what a great loyal guy he was and that he loved her!. I got upset, not that he had a girlfriend, but he lied to me about it and tried to manipulate me into helping him with her. So we ended our friendship on a not great note. I did correspond with his new girlfriend, she seemed really nice.
    Fast forward about 6 months and he has contacted me to meet and talk. I observed the NC rule for a couple of months then sent him a couple of pretty angry emails. I cooled off, left a telephone message that I wished them both well. Apparently they have broken up and here he is. He implies that I was the one that drove us apart, and that if I feel I must talk to him here is my chance.
    I am really surprised that I am still angry, and want to tell him to go to hell to his face. I’ve lost 25 lbs, continued all my regular activities, and feel strong and good. I am unsure what to do. What I don’t want is him back the way we were. I should walk away??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 4, 2018 at 7:43 pm

      Hi Lizbet,

      Did you mean you want him to change? And if he does, you’ll get back with him? If yes, start slowly rebuilding rapport so that you’ll know if he changed or not

  6. Sophie

    December 31, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    My ex and I were together for 4 and a half years, we lived together renting for 3 years and then moved into my parents with our 3 dogs to save for a mortgage. About 2 months ago he said he was unhappy and wasn’t sure if he knew if he wanted to be with me anymore, we talked and it turned out he was struggling to live in such a family environment with my mum and dad as he doesn’t speak to his and felt like he had no space. We talked and I thought things would be ok and we would get through this as long as we saved. Two weeks ago we had an argument as I asked him for a lift to an Xmas work party and he had a go at me for asking and that i expected a lift and that he was busy and had already made plans to go and look at new car with his mates, I asked him if he was happy still and a few other things he said yes and then I said I was quite hurt he wouldn’t give me a lift and that i felt he was distant and he laughed at me and thought it was funny i was upset, I asked him to leave as I was upset and he assumed it was over. We didn’t speak for a few days and then I called him and said can we speak and he told me he was busy and couldn’t so i asked him if he was trying to tell me it was over and he said it was, the only thing he asked about what was going to happen with the dogs – I’ve taken them he never took responsibilty.. I just can’t help but think why he was unhappy or what I did wrong. Also a factor that i don’t think helped his decision was getting a financed car at 35k+ and modifying it for an extra 6k maxing out credit cards, I was planning for our future and I did absolutely everything for him as did my family. I love him so much, but he never gave me a valid reason why he left and I don’t want to let him go but I want him to come back to me – I have not contacted him for over a week now but I just feel he is happier without me even though he has lost everything!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 2, 2018 at 6:01 pm

      Hi Sophie,

      He’s in a grass is greener.. Has he packed all of his items?

  7. Alexander Brown

    December 30, 2017 at 8:37 pm

    Hey guys,

    Broke up with my ex 3months ago while suffering with depression and thinking I had fallen in love with my best friend.
    He begged for me back for the first month and I wasn’t ready, now I am. Our first meet he said the relationship was dead, had a two week NC met and explained I had same feelings he said it’d take time. I had an argument and he was drunk said he was angry and wanted me to give up hope as he couldn’t see the further and wasn’t coming back. He even argrily asked his mum how to do an injunction. Is there a way I could try get him back or is it too late. His whole family are still in touch with me and still upset. He isn’t a social flower but is going out most nights and drinking a fair amount they tell me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 10:53 pm

      Hi Alexander,

      Restart nc, and do at least 30 days and after that slowly rebuild rapport.

  8. Abby

    December 28, 2017 at 7:15 am

    My ex boyfriend wants to help me pay for rent since he left me in the middle of our lease. I didn’t answer his message since I just started nc two weeks ago. But idk if I should and what I should say. I just got a new job and a part of me thinks I should at least say I’m not going to ask for your help unless I need it and I’m okay for now. But the other part says don’t talk to him at all. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2017 at 7:10 pm

      Hi Abby,

      no need to answer it because it looks like he’s just trying to see if you are going to reply.

  9. Debra Bere

    December 24, 2017 at 9:42 pm

    After 20 months together my ex boyfriend suddenly wanted space. A week later he broke up with me over the phone and gave vague reasons. He started hanging with some single friends and went on Tinder and Bumble. Btw we are bot divorced in our 50’s. Once I found this out I asked for my belongings back and decided to also date. I met a nice guy who is my friend. My ex spoke to me after a few weeks of NC but never said he wanted us to get back together. I told him I did and before I get involved with someone new I wanted to know if it’s totally over and why he broke up with me in the first place. He told me he hasn’t gone on any dates and the on-line dating is hard. I told him we got lucky because that’s how we met. We had an amazing relationship in all aspects and we were together all the time. I don’t think he was honest with me about having a future together though. He’s ex wife cheated on him and he gets scared when things get serious. We were suppose to talk last week about why he broke up with me but I posted a photo on Facebook of me on a snowmobile when he knew I was at a guys cottage. He went crazy, emailed me that he’s upset,pissed and angry and cancelled our talk, said he won’t communicate with me. Deleted me from Facebook, deleted some of our pics not all though and dumped my belongings in my garage and told me he’s done and good luck with my new guy. I reminded him that he broke up with me and went on line to date. I told him sorry about the pic and that we were only friends and that I’m trying to keep busy. I told him I want to get back together and my heart belongs to him He then emailed me that he won’t meet me and that the opportunity has now passed and we both need to move on. But he’s be happy to meet me somewhere and hope I feel the same way. I told him that no I won’t be happy to bump into him until we have a proper conversation and that my door is open. I am so upset with myself for posting that pic, maybe we would of gotten back together, although he never said we would. He was flirting with me over the phone prior but I told him I won’t go there. Anyhow, I’m now devastated because I want him back. It’s been a week and I’m pretty sure I won’t hear from him because he thinks I have a new man. Should I contact him to talk? Was thinking of knocking on his door? What to do? Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 26, 2017 at 10:05 pm

      Hi Debra,

      He broke up with you..it’s not wrong to date after that. Don’t go to his place, that would be chasing..restart the nc rule

  10. Jasmin

    December 23, 2017 at 2:18 am

    After almost a year I felt something was wrong. I tried to give him space but eventually asked if he would like to take a break. He told me things aren’t going well and he would like to break up. I didn’t take it too well and texted him for two days. After seeing him sad at work I tried to speak with him saying I’m also sad. He was mean and angry, So I stopped contacting him for a few weeks. I apologized again and he said my apologies are insulting (we both have our baggage). I have no idea why he is mad. I said that it was his decision to break up and I get it. If he would like to change his mind, I’ll be happy to talk. However, as long as that’s his decision, I wish him only the best and would like him to wish me the same. He ignored me. Why can’t he just say ‘have a good life. I want you to be happy’

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 26, 2017 at 5:24 pm

      Hi Jasmin,

      Looks like he thinks you’re chasing him and it’s annoying him…Check this one:
      EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

  11. Beth

    December 20, 2017 at 5:53 pm

    My ex and I broke up a day before our one year anniversary. He said that I didn’t change, he did and basically said that he gets bored/looses interest in relationships after a year. (Note: he said this happened with his ex-wife who cheated and his ex who wouldn’t work on things so he supposedly hates them both.) He moved into my apartment in November and we broke up about 5 weeks later. As little as two weeks before, we talked about moving into our own apartment and pets.

    To be clear, I am the one who realized something was wrong and that he wasn’t being honest when I asked him if something was wrong. Honestly, the night before I had spoken to him about seeing a therapist around my anxieties in life and said that I thought it would help with us in some way because he had always told me that if something was wrong he would tell me and he agreed that night. The next day I asked again for one last time and he told me.

    Since then, he moved out and I put this stuff out in the living room. He ended up texting me about needing more time to move out so he could deal with “stuff” and was talking about his new work schedule of five days a week (at night to be clear). When he went to move more stuff, I was at work and I got a texts that basically complained about how I organized things and said that it would have been better if I left everything where it was rather than putting stuff into boxes which he claimed were all to full which was another issue. I have been pretty gracious throughout this thing, not yelling and speaking calmly saying I would work on things if he wanted to but he said he didn’t. I let him stay for a night after the break up and have been pretty calm for the most part. Why does he continue to be rude or seem hostile? I know moving is tough but still.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 10:20 pm

      Hi Beth,

      It’s his way of maintaining power..

  12. Andrea

    December 14, 2017 at 8:37 pm

    I’ve been on and off with a guy for over 3 years and it ended quite badly recently but he’s decided he wants to be friends. He’s making the effort to apologise for treating me badly and seems to understand why it was hurtful. He’s never made this kind of effort before or bothered to listen to me. I can see that he still likes me and wants to spend time with me often but he doesn’t seem to realise it himself and says it’s easier to find someone else. How can I tell if he likes me on not cause it sounds like he does from speaking to him but his immaturity is getting in the way.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 5:04 pm

  13. Girl

    December 12, 2017 at 5:38 pm

    Me and my ex were in a relationship for over a year we met in college everything was great and he used to talk about how he wants to some day marry me then towards the end we both moved to different cities because of our jobs we were in long distance for about 4 months then after like 3 months he moved back to his hometown and then after a couple of weeks he started talking to me less and hardly replyed to my msgs when i asked he said he was busy we talked about it and he said we will work things out and try and give more time to me and suddenly he broke up with me over a text i tried talking to him i even said some things and even begged him but nothing he kinda went silent on me then he blocked me its been 5 months since we brokeup and i haved tried to contact him in a month maybe im still blocked but he hasn’t reached out either its been a month since we last talked which of course I tried to contact him( it wasn’t a friendly talk)
    I don’t really know what to think anymore

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 2:05 pm

      Hi Girl,

      How much are you improving yourself and how active are you in posting?

  14. Mary

    December 10, 2017 at 12:47 pm


    I’ve been in an unhappy marriage for a long time . But never found the courage to leave . Im 41 early this year I fell in love with a man who is 50. It was real love we cared a lot for each other and passion was mind blowing . He was very jealous of me and was always arguing that that I want to have fun in life . I wanted to leave my broken marriage but he would not give me time to do so. I wanted time to get to know him . After six months of knowing each other he told me he would back off so that I can change my life , I was very stressed with work and life and was getting really sick physically. We also work together including my husband . Instead he left me and blamed me that I did not leave my marriage …. I told him I am ready to leave and we can be together but he did not want to , saying again that I want to have fun not be with him . He was a very controlling person and very insecure . I tried everything to make him feel wanted and loved . He tried to keep in contact until I discovered he was seeing someone else . I cut off all contact and also removed him from facebook . Been a week now and miss him a lot . Saw him briefly last week and he was angry I did not speak to him not even a hello . If he is with someone else , why he than wants to be friends it hurts me a lot .i wish he would come back but I know deep down he would never . I feel very sad and trying my best to forget him .

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 4:47 am

      Hi Mary,

      If you’re going to leave your marriage, leave it because you want to whether you’re seeing somebody else or not.. check this one too:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  15. Dee

    November 22, 2017 at 12:39 am

    Hi. So me and my bf dates for 9 months but we kept arguing and he got tired of it and left me. I kept calling and messaging him so we decided to stay as friends. So I went out with some friends one night and he saw me having fun and begged me to get back with him so we did. After trying it again he was super in love with me and everything was great! From one day to the next he started being distant and getting mad over small stuff. So I asked him what was wrong and said he didn’t know. He couldn’t be with me anymore. I’m confused bc he loved me so much he kept saying he wanted to marry me and the next he wants his space. After 1 day of not talking he messaged me saying saying he wanted some of his sweaters back and that he was going to pick them up but he never did. We haven’t spoken after that and I’m just so confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 3:16 am

      When was that?

  16. Asher

    November 21, 2017 at 10:18 am

    My ex and I broke up back in February after dating 2 years. We were very serious and had planned on marriage soon. The last few months of our relationship he began to pull away and we were in a boring routine. We never went out or had any type of romance. He just stopped dating me basically. I finally brought it up that we had grown apart and I wanted to fix it. He did not, he said he’d been trying and didn’t know what else to do so we broke up. Although we were both in shock, we never even fought much. It was very hard for both of us and we continued to say we’d alwyas love each other. We stayed in contact and hung out occasionally. Neither of us have been in a relationship since the break up. He said he wanted to maintain a friendship a few months ago because i wasn’t not reaching out like he was, it was just too hard for me but we continued to be friends. The past month or 2 he has asked to hangout multiple times a week and usually asks what my plans are if I turn him down. He doesn’t text me 24/7 but we usually talk everyday or every other day. He has not made any moves or brought up getting back together, but he is very shy. Everyone keeps telling me he’s hung up on me, but I just don’t see it. The more we’ve hung out though the more old feelings start to come back for me. Idk for him though, I just don’t have the nerve to bring it up. I just don’t understand why he would break up with me but then want to keep hanging out?? All my friends say he’s keeping by a thread, but a few months ago he said he wasn’t. We have not even kissed since we broke up and he is not tried anything at all sexual. Hes not that type of guy at all so I know it’s not that. Should I just keep hanging out with him and see if it gets brought up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 22, 2017 at 12:54 am

  17. Betty Lou

    November 20, 2017 at 11:32 am

    My ex and I broke up several months ago after dating almost two years. We were very serious and had planned on getting married and having kids ..the whole nine yards. The last few months of our relationship we were in such a boring routine the romance was gone; he hardly ever even kissed me other than a peck good bye. He had pulled away and became distant, of course, as a girl I began to try harder. Although I was unhappy I loved him and I still do, always will. Long story short we agreed that we had grown apart and he said that he didn’t want to try anymore so we ended things. We both were hurting and admitted we’d always love each other but that it just wasn’t working and that maybe we would reconnect one day. We never stopped being friends though. Initially we did not talk much or see each other. After a couple of months he would sometimes ask to hangout but not very often and sometimes with a group of people. Since then he’s got hired by a department that works very closely with mine. We are still close, but here the past 2 months he asks to hangout every week. Now that he’s in town more he will text and sometimes ask to come over then say for me to text him the next day if I wanna hang out. I was seeing someone so I blew him off a few times, but he would say he wanted to come over and see my dog haha.He has never implied that he wants to get back together and only gives me a hug bye. Its very confusing because he talks to me quite frequently and asks to hangout often. So I have began to iniate as well. Why does he want to be such good friends and see me a few times a week but will not make a move? Everyone says we will get back together,but I just don’t think he wants too. He is always asking my plans too which makes me wonder if he wants to know if I’m seeing someone.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 22, 2017 at 12:54 am

  18. K.

    November 13, 2017 at 9:19 pm

    Hi. My boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago after almost three years of being together (it was me who initiated the breakup). We are studying the same subject at the uni, so we see each other almost every single day. Today was the 17th day of NC for me, and we’d had a brief conversation for the first time since we broke up. During the lecture it turned out we were supposed to sit next to each other and he greeted me (awkwardly), then joked a bit about the lecture. I did my best to adjust the NC rule to the situation and kept the conversation moderate (but friendly). However, my ex surprised me when the lecture was over, as he followed me to the entrance and asked me if he could walk me a bit to wherever I parked my car. I was really hesitant and told him he didn’t have to, but he insisted (and I mean it), so we ended up walking together and having a brief talk again. He asked me if I could bring him a certain thing that I borrowed from him some time ago, as he needed it, and then told me he would return the book I lent him because he finished reading it. We casually exchanged our opinions on the book, chatted some more, and then both of us went our separate ways (he didn’t walk me all the way to the parking lot, more like half a way). He wished me a safe trip back home (another surprise). Now I’m seriously confused.
    Could it be that he is testing the waters and came up with the excuse to walk me to the parking lot to see how I would react? Or does he want us to return some things back to their respective owners because it really is over (neither the thing he needed nor the book are of extreme value, though)? Or maybe it’s nothing at all? I feel like I’m kinda overreacting by assuming that it may be a sign of him moving on, but I also didn’t expect such a situation to happen and I’m scared to think it could be a positive sign, as I dread expecting anything positive at this point.
    As for what I’ve been doing during those 17 days, I’ve been doing my absolute best to become the UG (working out, looking perfect, finding new friends). He always appreciated me for my appearance, but I’ve been working extra hard to look even more attractive. However, he didn’t like how I was very reserved and had almost no acquaintances (neither did I), so I’ve started talking to other people from our MA group at the uni and managed to find some nice girls to hang out with. I’m generally doing fine, but he’s still on my mind A LOT, and when sudden situations like the one I described here happen, I freak out (in private, of course). I’m trying to stay as calm as possible, though.
    Also, we actually haven’t seen each other for 2.5 weeks (lectures being cancelled, a national holiday, etc.). We met for the first time last Wednesday and he seemed rather uncomfortable, as he was used to me making the first step, but I kept my distance and carried on talking with other people, being super positive, etc.
    Sooo, dear EBR team, what do you think? Is there a chance that things might be going in the right direction or am I just overanalyzing stuff?

    Thanks for all your help,


    PS. I apologize if some parts of this message sound weird, but I’m not a native speaker of English. Hope you understand and sorry for any mistakes!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 8:33 pm

      Hi K,

      he’s probably testing the waters because he didn’t expect you to be indifferent in the past days..

  19. Destiny

    November 13, 2017 at 4:33 pm

    Hi, my ex and I dated for almost 2 years. Everything was good until about a year into our relationship. His true colors came out when he decided it was okay to yell at and belittle me in public. After the first time it happened, I was shocked, hurt, and I ignored him for about a week. He apologized and told me he would work on himself. Yet, shortly after he did it again. This time, I cried and wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. I know a man can’t change over night, but I kept asking myself how many chances should I give him? I started to feel unhappy and I even told him how I felt. He didn’t take it too well…. instead of trying to talk it out and handle the situation, he isolated himself. We fought more and more until I couldn’t handle it anymore. I let my emotions get the best of me and eventually dumped him. I realized a few weeks later how much I loved him and missed him and how stupid our fights were. I wrote him an apologetic letter, took responsibility for my actions throughout the relationship, and asked him for a second chance. He waited a while to get back to me, but told me he didn’t want to work things out. In that moment, my heart crushed even more and couldn’t believe that he would give up so easily. The strange part is he defriended me on social media, talked about me to mutual friends (nothing bad), and still paid for the bills we had together. Do you think the time apart has made him realize the mistake he made? It’s been a couple months now since we broke up and about 1 month of no contact so far. I’m not sure if I should contact him or just let him be. He’s so confusing!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      Hi Destiny,

      You get what you allow.. you said it yourself, he’s not going to change overnight and we don’t advice going back to an abusive relationship.

  20. Charlotte

    November 13, 2017 at 12:13 pm


    I recently went through a rough break with my ex I have been seeing for a whil he explained everything to me why he did it. It hurt alot. He was important to me. I did beg a little. He couldn’t take a lot pressure of a relationship right now because he is in a dark place and his is relapsing emotionally, he told me he once institionalized himself. He was not himself and angry he lost people who were important. He told me I was too important to him to lose even as a friend. He said he cared for me and liked me. That his parents were important to him and i was as important. I told him I would stay by his side and he said he didn’t want to risk hurting me and he couldn’t put me through that. I told him I was strong I could handle that. That he wouldn’t hurt me. He said you don’t know that. That he refused to lose me like that. He wasnt sure there was anyone for him. He asked me why i couldnt hate him i told him i had no reason too that i cared for he. He would rather i hate him for a few months then risk Me never talking to him again. We went back and forth for an hour. I accepted it. I said I was there for him. At the end we cried and before I left he said if I was still around we could try again when he was better. I said okay. How sincere? Did he mean it? Does he or did he want me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 7:51 pm

      HI Charlotte,

      he probably still does..

  21. Yniat

    November 11, 2017 at 6:02 am

    Hi . My boyfriend of almost a year
    broke up with me for a month now. I waa so devastated and depressed that i hardly eat. I lost 1lbs in just a week. I begged (never did that to any of my exes) him to take me back or see me to talk about it but he doesn’t want to. He said i should stop or he will block me. I stopped but he still blocked me on whatsapp. I was doing the no contact rule although it’s so hard then i received a message from him asking for his stuff back. I immediately replied that i will give it to him and will call him. And he said No. He wanted me to leave his things to one of our friends and he will get it from there..i started begging to see him or can i call him at least. He still said no coz there is no need. After that i still continued the no contact rule. But out of the blue he will message me and ask for his stuff back again. I usually reply to him after 3 to 5 hrs. The last time i was so busy and i replied that i will get back to him once i am available. Yesterday he sent me a message again saying Hi but up until now i haven’t replied.

    I don’t want to give his stuff back coz i am scared that once he gets them he will block me or never contact me again. I don’t know what i should do. I really want to see him even if it will be the last time. When we were together he will get mad and then after 30mins we will be ok like nothing happened. He’s a Taurean and quite stubborn. Should give him his stuff back thru our or i should ask to meet him and give it to him personally? I love him and i really miss him so bad and just want to see him even if it will be the last time.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 1:03 am

      Hi Yniat,

      it’s not a no contact period if you kept calling, texting and replying, especially begging.. holding on to his stuff is not going to stop him from moving on too.. check this one:
      Does Begging For Your Ex Back Even Work?

  22. Jenelia

    November 6, 2017 at 8:09 am

    Hi i am really seeking for help .it already been two weeks since my bf broke up with me.we were together for 1 year but during this we never fought and suddenly one day he comes and tell me that something is different he dont feel the same way when we have started. He said we need to go our own ways and move on. I told him that i cannot do that and i cried i even tried to hurt myself because everthing was falling down as we were planning to live together . I begged him not to leave me but he said its not because of me its him who was too stressed . He said he loves me still cares for me but he dont feel thesame way before and wants to leave me .but the day after we broke he messaged me saying that he still misses me and want to see me and i told him to come over and had intimate moment . The whole dAy he stayed with me kissed me hugged me. He had to go to university that day so he went and talked to me normAlly until tomorrow and again sauddenly he started sending messages that he wants space even though he came to my place he said he is sorry for coming to my palce and that day i cried i shouted i did some stupid things that i shouldnt have done and the nxt morning he send me a text saying for me to be happy and not to talk with him . I was so devastated and then i thought its over even though i told him i am gonna msg him after a week . And then i found about no contact . I havent contacted him since then he unfriended me on all social apps . Is NC working on him or no ? Was it too late for me to apply that rule on my bf ? Everyday i feel like i am going through hell . Is he upset with me because i did stupid things when he tried to break up with me ?Does any one have any answere for me please help me ..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:16 pm

      Hi Jenelia,

      You’re overthinking.. How much are you improving yourself and how active are you in posting?

  23. Cynthia

    November 4, 2017 at 10:32 am


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2017 at 6:17 am

      Hello Cynthia!

  24. Abi

    October 27, 2017 at 11:13 am

    I think I started the whole no contact rule wrong… I didn’t tell him I was going to do no contact but I did tell him I needed space to get back to being myself for a while before I stopped talking to him. And he agreed to give me that space… is that just defeating the whole point of no contact or will it still have similar effects??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 30, 2017 at 8:22 pm

      Hi abi,

      As long as you didn’t tell him for how long you’re going to need space, that’s ok..

  25. Cyrilla

    October 16, 2017 at 10:34 am

    Hi, my long time partner for 8 yrs cheated on me and immediately moved to her since I found out. He just met her a month ago and the girl was also heartbroken from a recent divorced. He said our lack of comminication, my mom lived with us and she’s so controlling that made him so mad.. he said he’s not happy anymore. Though I love him so much, I let him go and I’m really trying to heal myself coz the pain is unbearable. But everytime he’s crying, feeling remorse, keeps on contacting me, showing up to me coz I’m doing the no contact rules. But he’s very depressed that he’s hurt me, our family, our employer coz we work in the same house. He also lost his weight and still feels bad about what happened. He said he wish it were a dream that he would wake up that it never happened. I still love him but I’m so broken right now.. the girl is different race and very opposite of me. He said he always misses his life with me. He’s always sad and depressed. And he asked me if we could be friends though we’re not together anymore. And told me that even though we’re apart he does not want to lose me. I think that’s so selfish of him. He’s afraid that I’ll reject him if he asks for forgiveness and come back to me. Pls help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 12:01 am

  26. Heather Baker

    September 29, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    Me and my ex bf dated off and on for about 4 and a half years, he ended up breaking things off about two years ago because of my behavior and alcoholism. He still continued to text me almost daily with pictures I like and asking me how I am. I would always ask things like if he still loved me and wanted to be with me and he’d say yes always or get made when I kept pushing the issue. I treated him very badly when intoxicated. One time he told me he was waiting till I got better because he cared about me and then once he knew I was safe he could move on. I moved into a halfway house 2 weeks ago….. and already am doing much better! He has texted me 3x in the last two weeks instead of daily, a sudden dramatic drop in frequency. I have been remotely quiet and haven’t responded. Any advice? I still love him but don’t know what to do……

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2017 at 7:49 pm

  27. Keelin

    September 24, 2017 at 2:54 am


    My name is Keelin.

    So I just watched the webinar and purchased the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro package but I really need advice because I seriously feel that there is no hope.

    Me and my ex dated for a year and a half.

    The begining of the relationship:
    We met at work and we started talking. We were already very interested in each other. I remeber him telling me when we were dating that we was always interested in me even before we started talking. and i was always staring at him from across the room, intrigued by his demeanor and curious as to why he never spoke to anyone. he was genuinley mysterious.
    Unfortunately, we started talking and ended up having sex while i was with my then boyfriend of 5 years. I eventually told my ex that I had a boyfriend and he still stayed with me. I broke up with me previous ex to be with my now ex. I fell madly in love so fast. He was perfect in everyway.
    We met when we were both at our lowest place in life at the time. He was depressed and unhappy at work and was incredibly anti social. I was also depressed from work, and my home life was a nightmare. So, our relationship started in the way that we both wanted company, needed to feel loved. We went out a partied and drank constantly, had sex constantly. But, throughout the year he started to pick himself back up out of his hole and became happy again. He was making efforts to change himself and his situations at work. And he did, he became a social butterfly and was happy. He fell in love with me and wanted a real realtionship with me. He committed from day 1. I, however, did not change. I couldnt pull myself out of my own hole and instead dug deeper into my depression, and it started to show and come off to him. We were always fighting, we broke up at least 15 times throughout the year and a half. He always came back though, and tried to make it work. But, I wasn’t committed. I treated it like a high school relationship and never once thought it would last, ,even though my heart knew that he was the love of my life. I didn’t show it though, I never once showed it to him.

    He: gave me everything
    treated me like a queen
    took me to iceland for valentines day
    cooked dinner and set a table up with candles and wine
    took me out on dates all the time
    played board games with me
    asked to go to museums, and camping and tried to get me to buy a helmet so he could teach me how to ride a motorcycle and ride with him
    he wanted me to move in with him
    he bought me gifts for no reason

    And I:
    laughed in his face about moving in with him
    never surprised him with gifts
    never paid for outings or dinner
    never brought over wine when going to his apartment
    never held his hand
    never hugged him in the morning when we met before going to work
    never played games with him
    never got that helmet..
    never wanted to go out and do anything other than drink and party
    i made a date with someone while we were on a break but he was there when i made the date…holding my bags becasue even though we werent together he still came shopping with me…
    in iceland, i wouldnt cuddle with him…i texted my friends while we were out having a wonderful dinner on valentines day…
    i punched him the face because he refused to go to the bar where the guy i made a date with worked…and i didnt understand why..

    He waited so patiently for me to get my shit together, he always told me how much he loved me and wanted me to be happy and get out of the dark place i was in. i do believ he wanted to marry me. what he felt was real and i couldn never just open up to him to show him how i really felt. i closed up because i didnt think it was real. didnt think someone could love me that much.
    we even went to couples therapy, he offered to pay for me to go to therapy because in his exact words “you didnt think you meant that much to me? didnt see that i offered to pay for therapy because i wanted to be with you even though i knew you had issues??”

    the week before we broke up he said “I think you’re worth it” but then a wek later i woke up and saw a message from him that said “im breaking up with you and blocking you” I was devastated, and in that moment everything i felt for him came out. My heart started to bleed love and I realized everything I had done to him, everything I didnt show to him. I made him miserable the whole entire relationship but he still stayed because he loved me.

    What happened after:

    We broke up August 18th 2017. The first week I called him constantly and everytime I did he would just yell at me. He said “FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU, I fucking HATE you.” And then we emailed back and forth for the next 2 weeks. He said “I’m trying to give you closure, forgive you and not hate you.” He said “even if you did change, it wouldnt matter. It’s too late for us.”

    And then the 3rd week he blocked me on everything. So, I went to his house…to see him. Which I’ve been told is the absolute worst thing you can do. And when I went to his house I was too scared to own up to the fact that I made the trp just to see him, knowing that he wanted to be left alone. So instead, I said I had a date with someone in the area so I thought I’d stop by to say I was sorry. Instant anger, instant yelling. He’s since called me “psycho, stalker, dumb bitch, pathetic, half-assed.” Things he has never said to me. I’ve seen him mad, I’ve never seen him like this before. Enraged.

    But even after that, the next day he told my roommate “Who knows if I’ll speak to her again in 6 years, 6 months or 6 weeks, but right now she needs to get her shit together and leave me alone.” And I did, for 3 days. And then I saw him walk out of his office while waiting for my roommate ( they work together) and he didn’t see me. But his friend did and while they were walking away, my ex looked back at me….smiling like he was proud of leaving me. I don’t blame him but, I broke down right then and there because I think his friend said something to make him look back at me. Maybe “shes here stalking you.” or “shes here” So about 40 min later I broke the NC rule and texted him, and then I called him again. And again, instant anger, instant rage. Then the net day, August 16th, I sent him one last message telling him how sorry I am and that I need to pick myself up and get better and that I wouldn’t message him again. And I haven’t, It’s been one week exactly today that I havent spoken to him or seen him. And it’s killing me. But the question thats been bothering me for days is “did i leave him alone too late?” did all the constant messaging and badgering on the verge of harrassment for a solid month push him all the way off the cliff and now instead of forgiving me, he just wants to forget me? it must be so much easier to move on instantly and get over me when ive shown nothing but craziness towards him for a month. I’m thinking he went from loving me and hurting to actually thinking im insane and can now move on completely.

    I’m not connected to him anymore, I’m not in the picture anymore. I don’t know what hes thinking or what hes feeling for me or in general. All of the questions and fears raised in the webinar are exactly what im going through.

    I’ve been told he went on a date, that hes going hiking and camping constantly. That hes smiling in work and going to the gym all the time.

    I’ve been talking to all my friends and some of them say that its real, what hes doing is making him happy and he seems like hes moving on. Some say he’s doing it all to distract himself from thinking about me. But, I don’t know which one to believe.

    I don’t know how much I meant to him, if he really could move on this fast? i cant tell if all the hurtful things he said to me are the truth or if hes just hurting and damaged because of what ive done?

    He says he doesnt love me anymore, and i dont know if thats true or not. he says he doesnt believe that i love him and if thats the case then its easy to move on.

    If all the things he tells me are true, then he’ll never come back. But, I don’t know it they’re true so I can’t tell. I don’t know if he thinks about me or misses me or anything. I’m in the dark and I seriously need some advice.

    With all the things I’ve done to him, why would he take me back? Why would he want to put himself in that position again? How much did and does he love me if at all?

    How the hell do I get him back because honestly, I have never ever felt like this for someone in my entire life. He is the love of my life and I only showed him pain and misery and suffereing when we were together.

    I’m rambling, I’m sorry. I hope you guys read this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2017 at 7:40 pm

      HI Keelin,

      We can’t guarantee that you would get your ex back but the best you can do is stop chasing and start the no contact rule and follow the advises in the book and in the articles here to help increase your chances.

  28. wantthebest

    September 22, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    Hi. My boyfriend and I kind of broke up in a weird and sudden way. One night we were texting and I asked him what he was doing and he said trying to figure some stuff out. I asked him about what and he said things about us and maybe a change of jobs. ( This occurred on Tuesday and on Sunday he was approached by a recruiting manager to join their team which made him think about changing jobs) Anyways, he then said that we were young and should be able to do the things we want to do and he felt that he couldnt do that with me. He said he comes to feel obligated to do certain things and that he just wasnt happy anymore. We gave each other space for 2 days and on thursday he said we had to talk and that we should break up. Obviously I didn’t agree and we had a 3 hour long conversation that just went back and forth. It ended to where he said he couldn’t talk to me anymore cause he was getting mad and I apologized for that and told him that I loved him and goodnight. A week passed and this wednesday I asked if he was busy and he at first said kind of but then his plans were cancelled so he agreed to talk. basically the talk resulted in him saying that he wanted freedom ( because i was controlling him on what he could or couldn’t do because of his prioritization on work and school and having fun with alcohol and things of that nature). and i told him that if we communicated this that we could fix things he said no he didn’t want to put in the time and effort. while he was saying all this he shed a few tears and he and i ended up having a few intimate moments. he later said that he had to go meet up with friends and asked if i still had his key. i said yeah and he said just lock up and you can come see the cats whenever. when i left his house i texted him a little paragraph wishing him good luck at his new job and for talking to me that day and what not. he didn’t text back but he still opens my snapchats and snapchats me to keep our streak. My question is why did he let me keep his key and will he ever come back? it seems to me that he is a bit confused at where he is in life based off the text he sent on tuesday ” trying to figure some things out”.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2017 at 8:24 pm

      yeah, he probably is confused.. if he is, it is likely that he will come back

  29. Sasha

    September 21, 2017 at 5:57 pm

    After twenty years together we decided to mutually split,two weeks later he tells our son he’s got a new GF,seven weeks later get takes her on holiday,then moves in with her. It’s been six months and I have been busy working on me. I went NC almost immediately because I had suspicions he was cheating and I was right. Yes I was hurt and angry,but knew it was the end of the road. He has been a nightmare. Checking up on me,asking friends about me constantly,trying to take the car off me, begging not to see other men,getting his friend to stalk my FB…and it continues regularly. Yet he’s still with the OW. He looks terrible,but makes out to our son life is rosey…he’s lost friends, lied to people,and made himself look a complete idiot,and I have not one ounce of sympathy….my problem is I still think about him regularly,and even though I know I don’t want a cheat back,feel sad ……help! Does this mean I still love him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2017 at 7:44 pm

      Hi Sashw,

      Can be or it can be just normal human emotions, you’re missing him out of habit because you were with him for a long time

  30. Simran

    September 7, 2017 at 7:12 am

    Me and my ex boyfriend were together for four years and he was the best boyfriend till then. After the forth year things started falling apart and we started fighting and breaking up and the on off game continued till he has to move to another city. He then said he doesn’t want to continue the relationship because now that he’s in another city he has to live peacefully without any responsibilities and commitment. He said that he’s tired of our relationship and the countless fights and arguments and now he wants to stay away from all this but he never stopped loving me. I was not accepting this so I tried to call/text him for like two months. He used to ignore me and sometimes he blocked me. He at that time started talking to another girl (as a friend) and he told me to move on too. I begged him not to do so but he said that he can’t stop talking to her. Hearing this I cut all the contacts with him and I was actually doing fine but then I got to know that he’s been keeping all my information. A guy was stalking me and disturbing me so he (my ex) kinda fought with him saying to stay away from me and not to disturb/oppress me in any way because he loves me and he would cut anyone who oppresses me. There was also a girl who got into a fight with me started abusing me and all, so my ex got to know about that then he also took her class and threatened her not to say even a single bad word to me otherwise she will be in great problem and she will face his wrath. He told all his friends, my friends that he still loves me alot but he’s not just ready for any commitment. After few days out of blue he called me saying that the another girl he was talking to was a bitch and that he’s sorry for everything he said and that he may work things out with me if I don’t fight again and break up again or make any drama. I accepted him and we started talking again (we were in a long distance relationship at this time) and he was doing great with me for few days but soon he got very busy with his life and he only called me at midnight for talking. I started getting angry and we started fighting over phone. After all this he said you’ll not change your behavior and again you’re making a scene and doing all the drama by fighting over nothing and he said he don’t want to continue the relationship. He also said its not just about me but he’s done with relationships and he don’t want to come into any relationship with any girl and that he wants to make his career. So he left me that night calling it quit forever saying not to contact him again. I begged him to stay but he didn’t so I also let him go. (Present day) he is in my city for one day, he contacted me in the morning saying he wants to meet me to end things on a good note and that he needs to talk about somethings like a friend. I first ignored him but then I asked me directly that if you want to mend up things on a serious note and want to patch up with me then we can meet and we can clear things out between us and we make new strategy to work it out then only I can meet you. If NOT then there’s no need to hang out and we can never talk to each other. He said that he doesn’t want to get back together but he still loves me but he wants to make his career first and I might be a barrier of that so he just wants to meet up and nothing else. I didn’t replied him back and in my heart I’ve let him go again. But I think he might come back again out of blue like before. What should I do now? What is he going to do now? What’s in his mind? I know he loves me alot but he’s not ready for any commitment and responsibilities. What will he do now? Is he over me totally? Will he again come back? He is going back tonight (present day)
    Thank you in advance for replying me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 9:27 pm

      Hi Simran,

      In short, he still has feelings for you, he misses you but he’s tired of the fights. So, that means being friends with you he still gets to have the good stuff without being committed to the fights anymore.

  31. Simran

    September 6, 2017 at 5:02 pm

    Me and my ex boyfriend were together for four years and he was the best boyfriend till then. After the forth year things started falling apart and we started fighting and breaking up and the on off game continued till he has to move to another city. He then said he doesn’t want to continue the relationship because now that he’s in another city he has to live peacefully without any responsibilities and commitment. He said that he’s tired of our relationship and the countless fights and arguments and now he wants to stay away from all this but he never stopped loving me. I was not accepting this so I tried to call/text him for like two months. He used to ignore me and sometimes he blocked me. He at that time started talking to another girl (as a friend) and he told me to move on too. I begged him not to do so but he said that he can’t stop talking to her. Hearing this I cut all the contacts with him and I was actually doing fine but then I got to know that he’s been keeping all my information. A guy was stalking me and disturbing me so he (my ex) kinda fought with him saying to stay away from me and not to disturb/oppress me in any way because he loves me and he would cut anyone who oppresses me. There was also a girl who got into a fight with me started abusing me and all, so my ex got to know about that then he also took her class and threatened her not to say even a single bad word to me otherwise she will be in great problem and she will face his wrath. He told all his friends, my friends that he still loves me alot but he’s not just ready for any commitment. After few days out of blue he called me saying that the another girl he was talking to was a bitch and that he’s sorry for everything he said and that he may work things out with me if I don’t fight again and break up again or make any drama. I accepted him and we started talking again (we were in a long distance relationship at this time) and he was doing great with me for few days but soon he got very busy with his life and he only called me at midnight for talking. I started getting angry and we started fighting over phone. After all this he said you’ll not change your behavior and again you’re making a scene and doing all the drama by fighting over nothing and he said he don’t want to continue the relationship. He also said its not just about me but he’s done with relationships and he don’t want to come into any relationship with any girl and that he wants to make his career. So he left me that night calling it quit forever saying not to contact him again. I begged him to stay but he didn’t so I also let him go. (Present day) he is in my city for one day, he contacted me in the morning saying he wants to meet me to end things on a good note and that he needs to talk about somethings like a friend. I first ignored him but then I asked me directly that if you want to mend up things on a serious note and want to patch up with me then we can meet and we can clear things out between us and we make new strategy to work it out then only I can meet you. If NOT then there’s no need to hang out and we can never talk to each other. He said that he doesn’t want to get back together but he still loves me but he wants to make his career first and I might be a barrier of that so he just wants to meet up and nothing else. I didn’t replied him back and in my heart I’ve let him go again. But I think he might come back again out of blue like before. What should I do now? What is he going to do now? What’s in his mind? I know he loves me alot but he’s not ready for any commitment and responsibilities. What will he do now? Is he over me totally? Will he again come back? He is going back tonight (present day).
    Thanks in advance for replying me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 9:27 pm

      Hi Simran,

      In short, he still has feelings for you, he misses you but he’s tired of the fights. So, that means being friends with you he still gets to have the good stuff without being committed to the fights anymore.

  32. Antoinette Barragan

    August 27, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. I been reading a lot and I am in the no contact rule. He says he hates me and now he called me to pick up my stuff. The problem is he just mentioned the plans we have in two weeks for my birthday. He is back and forth. I don’t understand him anymore. I told him to take another friend and I’m not in his life anymore then he made an excuse his family expecting me there. What should I do he is starting to hate me more and more.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 6:58 pm

      HI Antoinette,

      he broke up with you because he hates you? He doesn’t expect you to react that way, so anger at this point is his way of control and frustration because he doesn’t expect you not to chase.

  33. Jillian

    August 23, 2017 at 3:34 pm

    Hi Chris and team,

    My ex boyfriend fully broke up with me on July 17th, 2017 after asking for a break on June 26th, 2017. Both times I respected his choice and gave him the space he asked for, I did not call, text or beg for him to reconsider his decision. The last time I had saw him was July 28th, 2017 to give him his things back – here I did cry and I asked him to explain his reasoning which was largely, “my feelings have changed and I want to be alone. I don’t want to be with anyone. I love you, but I am not in love with you anymore.” I immediately went into no contact – 30 days would be August 28th, 2017. This morning I received the following text message from him, “Good Morning! I hope this text finds you alive and well. I hope you are enjoying the new job and just know that I think about you daily. I hope we can get together someday soon and go to lunch or something. I do miss you. Have a good day.” Looking for your expertise here on what his motives may be and what my next steps should be.


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 24, 2017 at 10:47 pm

      Hi Jillian,

      how active were you in improving yourself and in posting in the last weeks?

  34. Grace

    August 20, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up almost three months ago. We dated for a little over four months and were about to get engaged a few weeks before he broke up with me and were looking at rent houses together too. We had even looked at rings and were working with a jeweler to have one custom made. He had asked my dad to marry me and had already planned the proposal and told our best friends and family about it. He was like a father to my two daughters and loved us three very much. Everyone could tell. We were completely in love with one another. However, we fought over small things pretty often, but always resolved things pretty quickly. He did feel that I was capable of so much more and was slacking in life and in our relationship. He went above and beyond for our little family and didn’t think that I was doing the same. When we were dating, I left my job because of not getting good hours and by our breakup, I still hadn’t found a job.. even though I had been searching for a while. My ex had a great job, but felt like we needed two incomes in order to get where we wanted to be in life and be able to save, as well. I think he had finally had enough and was afraid that I would get better for a while and then just go back to how I was. The day before Memorial Day, he told me that we needed to take a break for a while. I started crying, as did my daughters. He felt very bad and told my daughters that we weren’t breaking up and that he still loved me and them very much. He asked if he could call me that night and if I could come over the next morning for breakfast and if we could please talk. I agreed. That night I got a text from him saying that his best friend was over and they were watching a movie together and wouldn’t be able to call that night and that our group of friends were hanging out tomorrow for Memorial Day and that we should probably just hang out as a group and not have breakfast together. I just figured that his best friend (our mutual friend) had talked with him and thought we needed time apart. The next day at our group get together, he didn’t talk to me at all.. or even acknowledge that I was there. We acted like strangers. Our group spent the entire day together and by the end of the day, I was very hurt and right before he left I told him that we needed to talk. We both had tears in our eyes the whole conversation. He said that we just needed time apart and that he would be gone for a few days for work and when he came back we could work on our relationship. I asked why he didn’t talk to me the whole day and he said he didn’t know what to say…that it killed him just looking at me. He said that he was very hurt and all he wanted to do was hug me and tell me that everything was going to be alright, but that he can’t do that because then things will just go back to the way it was and things really need to change. We hugged for a long time after that and then went our separate ways. We talked the next day before he left on his work trip and I texted long messages pouring my heart out (which now I know was the wrong thing to do). He didn’t really respond to those messages, so I tried to get a reaction out of him because I thought if I acted like I didn’t care about us breaking up, he would want to get back together. Wrong! I wrote him a text saying thank you for thinking of this break and that it would be good to see if we’re even compatible or not. Very immature, I know. He texted back saying that he was going to change his relationship status to single on fb and his profile picture to one of him and his friend and not of me and him, so more or less stating that we were broken up. So I went NC for the few days he was gone. When he got back into town, he immediately texted me and asked how me and my daughters were doing and we started to text and Snapchat back and forth. However, I found out he renewed his apt lease for another year and it brought all the pain forward…since we had been looking at rent houses to live in together before we broke up. The pain was unbearable and I couldn’t get over the fact that he more or less just dumped me and my young daughters. I would write him things out of hurt and anger, but then apologize for it later. I couldn’t get over the pain and heartbreak I was feeling. He started to get frustrated and every time we would see each other, we just wouldn’t say a word to one another. He asked if we could please just stay friends and I said that I just couldn’t do that because of the hurt it would cause me. He thought that was immature. I went over to his apt and got all of my things and broke down crying and had a long conversation telling him that you just don’t give up on a relationship, especially with someone you’re wanting to marry and we hugged for a long time as I cried on his shoulder. He said that I could keep his apt key and that he will always answer my phone calls and texts and will never just ignore me as he did to some of his past girlfriends after they broke up. That in a few months or a year, we might get back together again and if we fell in love once, we sure could again. We went a while without talking and my best friend (another of our mutual friends) and him texted back and forth about us. He said that I took the breakup a lot harder than he did (which I believe was a lie) and he just didn’t want to talk about the relationship with me anymore. That he didn’t want to get back together and two years down the line, I start slacking again and we have trouble. He told her that the woman he marries he wants to be with for the rest of his life and never wants to get a divorce, so the problems we were having right before he proposed worried him and he didn’t feel like we needed to go into an engagement with those issues. I went NC again until I went over to his apt after having a really good job interview. He was definitely surprised to see me, but we hung out for a few hours and talked about things (not pertaining to the relationship). It was a very comfortable..not awkward at all hang out. When I went to leave, he came over and gave me a hug.. very unexpected. A few days later, I found out a friend of ours was saying bad things about me and he was the only one I wanted to talk to about it. He immediately answered the phone when I called and talked me through it all and was very sweet about it. Came to find out that he had said some negative things about me to this friend of ours. It killed me inside and I immediately confronted him about it through text. The next day our two families were leaving to go on a week long cruise together. It was pre-planned and was supposed to be so our families could get to know one another better before we get married, as well as an engagement celebration. He stayed in the same room as my girls and me and I will admit, it was a bit awkward. Pretty much the whole cruise we didn’t talk. But when we did, it was great! He would get really excited about things he and his family saw on their excursions and come back and talk to me about it and show pictures and videos. He would come immediately to me and show off any money he won at the casino. And even went with my family and me on one of our excursions…spending the whole day with us. Our families got along great and ate with one another at most meals. He was great with my daughters and still acted like a father to them…carrying them, playing with them, helping them in any way, etc. His parents even bought the girls souvenirs. The cruise ended on July 9th and we’ve seen each other off and on since then. Each time, it is awkward and we don’t say much to each other and he just seems really upset/mad at me…I have no clue why? He went on another trip for work and suddenly deleted my pictures (except for two) off of his social media and asked me for the key to his apt back (the one he said that he wanted me to keep). I have been just enjoying life and posting happy pictures and videos on all of my social media…which he still follows. I have unfriended him on Facebook, but he still views and follows me on Snapchat and Instagram and his family still “likes” and comments on almost everything I post. He is now hanging out with the friend of ours that was bad mouthing me, most likely because some of our group lives in different cities or has moved to different states recently… or may be out of town for work. It still hurts though.. especially since they may be talking badly about me. I have been bettering myself and am in the process of being hired for a new job and hopefully will be getting an apt of my own very soon. I came to the realization that past relationships that involved abuse and cheating probably affected my relationship with my ex and have improved myself in so many ways and have put God, my children, our future, and my career as my top priorities. However, the one thing missing is my ex. My daughters (7 & 8) still talk about him all the time and miss him so much. He truly was the love of my life and pushed me to be better in so many ways. He is an amazing man and was a wonderful boyfriend and incredible step-father. The pain of him not being in our lives kills me every day. He was SO close with my family and couldn’t wait to marry me and officially call us a family. Gosh, he loved me and my girls so much.. I have never been loved that fully and that much. It truly feels like I’ve lost the love of my life and my soul mate and I so desperately want him back and to marry him one day. I have not been able to go an entire month with NC, so need to do that, but is there anything else I can do? Why is he so angry with me? Should I just go ghost and not post anything else on social media and make him wonder what I’m doing? I feel like I’ve made some very big mistakes after our breakup and want to stay on the right path now. I’m sorry this is so long! Thank you in advance for your reply!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 9:23 pm

      Hi Grace,

      you shoud be active in posting because that’s your indirect way of showing that you have your own life and that you’re improving. A

  35. susi

    August 20, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    My ex and I were together for 2 years. He was having many family issues to deal with towards the end and he ghosted me one day. Our last conversation was by phone and he got a call while we were talking. He said he’d call me right back, but he never did. I am assuming that he received bad news about his then terminally ill sister. He also had another sister who passed a year earlier, and he lost his mom when he was in his 20s. His sister did pass away a month later, and his dad became ill around that time, too. I never confronted him. I figured I’d give him the space he needed. I did no contact with the exception of bday and christmas cards to him and his brother yearly. That was 6 years ago.

    He completely avoided me during that time. No waves when we met on the street in our cars. Nothing. Early on, before he asked me out for the first time, he used to drive by my place quite a lot. Now, he has started doing that again. He actually started this a few months ago, but he goes by at least twice a day lately. He is friendly again and waves to me if I am out when he goes by. My street is a side street that no one drives on unless they live in the area, so I am pretty sure he isnt just out for a leisurely drive twice a day. I would really love to hear what you think is happening. I would like to think he is becoming interested again, but i am not getting my hopes up too much. He is very shy. I dont think he will call me. Thanks very much for reading this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 9:17 pm

      if he’s been doing that for months and you’re sure it’s because of you, then you have to ask him in a kind way of why he’s doing that.

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