Warning Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Wants YOU Back

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

This may be shocking to hear, especially after your ex treated you so poorly after your breakup, but he may secretly want you back. One of the most asked questions I get on this site, aside from “how do I get my ex back” is “how do I know that my ex boyfriend actually wants me back?” In this article I am going to take an in-depth look at the male psyche and try to give you a resource that you can refer to if you want to know if he wants you back. No, this is not an exact science but I have found that time and time again an ex who is really missing his girl exhibits the signs laid out on this page.

Side Note: If you are an avid reader of my site you may be thinking that this article is similar to the signs your ex still loves you. While I will admit that this article has a similar preface it is taking a much different approach and it is my goal to make this as informative as possible.

The Rundown Of This Page

Did you know that an ex will exhibit certain signs when he begins to want you back? This page is going to explore those signs essentially giving you a checklist to watch out for. Now, I am not going to pretend to know everything (because I don’t.) There may be signs that I left out of this page that he could exhibit and there may be signs on this page that he could exhibit (but still doesn’t want you back.) However, what I will tell you is that I have a lot of experience dealing with these situations so the signs that you see listed below will most likely mean your ex is seriously regretting his decision to not be with you. I will be covering things like

  • Understanding the male mind after a breakup.
  • The importance of anger and how to understand it.
  • And how the no contact rule fits into all of this.

I Am Going To Coach You… For FREE!

And that’s where I come in!

Secret 4 Step Training

What if I were to tell you that I have put together an “On Demand Coaching Class” where I am going to coach you for free?

All you need to do if you want to join my FREE coaching class is click the green button below,

Yes, I Want You To Coach MeSign Up For Free On Demand Coaching

I thought would be kind of cool to show you some of the actual results women have gotten through my “On Demand Coaching,”

Oh, and if you were wondering “Jennifer Christina” is my wife 😉 .

This is another Facebook testimonial from someone who is on the Private Facebook Group.

I’ve got about 300 more Facebook testimonials just like this.

If you are interested in joining my Free On Demand Coaching please click the link below,

Sign Up For My Free On Demand Coaching

The Male Mind After A Breakup

male mind

I thought a great way to kick off this particular article was with a look at the male mind after a breakup. As many of you know I am a male so I can give a very unique perspective on how to get your ex back by getting inside the mind of your guy. Contrary to popular belief men do actually have feelings. Now, I would say that 95% of the people reading this are women. At your core you are very emotional creatures. You aren’t afraid to cry when you need to cry or feel when you need to feel. I have learned that women are very in touch with their emotions.

Funny story actually, I remember having a friend in high school (she was a girl) that was literally all over the place emotionally. She wouldn’t be afraid to cry in class or do any other overemotional things. The funny part was how fast she would bounce back after these emotional outbursts. You would see her an hour later and she would be carrying on like nothing happened. It always struck me as bizarre but as I thought more and more about it I began to realize that women are much better at handling their emotions than men are.

Sure, a guy can cry after a breakup but what I am talking about here goes much deeper than that. Men shun true emotions after a breakup. I can remember my own breakup and how I handled it. I had been dating this girl for almost a year and at the end it was really… rocky. I remember after we broke up I felt completely free. It felt like weights had been lifted off of my shoulders. I remember thinking “this isn’t so bad.” Of course, a few days later I began to realize just how bad a breakup can be as the emotions hit me. I didn’t know what to do with them. I had never felt the type of things I was experiencing. (It was my first breakup ever.)

Every guy has a different way of handling a breakup. Me, I became a recluse for a while and decided to focus on myself. Other guys will create a defense mechanism that prevents any girl in the future from every penetrating it (George Clooney.) Of course, there is also the rebound guy that starts getting into new relationships immediately after your breakup.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Women know how to deal with emotions, men do not.
  • It can sometimes take a few days for the “emotions” to kick in for a guy after a breakup.
  • Every guy has a unique way of handling a breakup (defense mechanism, recluse, rebound.)

Anger Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

angry meme

Now we are diving into the meat of this article! There is a common misconception going around that I would like to take a moment to dispel.

Common Misconception- If your ex is angry it means he doesn’t want you back.

NOT TRUE!

In fact, I would be more worried if your ex wasn’t angry with you in some way shape or form. Also, you have to keep in mind that sometimes your ex could be doing a phenomenal job at hiding his anger so I will admit that it isn’t always easy to tell if your boyfriend is angry at you. Anyways, back to the point here. Hate isn’t the opposite of love, apathy is.

You see, any time he displays any form of anger aimed towards you (yelling, talking bad about you to his friends, talking bad about you to you) women take it personally. I can understand why they take it personally too, after all, no one likes to be called a bit$% or get yelled at in the street. Nevertheless, lets try to take a deeper look into what is going through the mind of a man who is doing these types of things.

I will not lie to you, I have gotten into a shouting match with a girlfriend before. I have yelled at the top of my lungs and said some really horrible stuff. While I am certainly ashamed of these things I think I have found a way to put these horrible memories to use, by helping you out.

Any time I have done anything like this I have been extremely “emotionally invested” with the person I was talking to. I cared about them on a very deep level and because of that deep level every action that they performed was magnified. I wasn’t yelling because deep down I hated the person or never wanted to be with them again. I yelled because I cared about them in some twisted way.

I know, I know it is really twisted but that is literally how a guys mind works. So, that is the first sign I would say that you should look for to determine if your ex wants you back.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • If your ex is angry with you it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you back.
  • It can be tricky to tell if an ex is angry with you because some of them do a good job at hiding it.
  • Usually anger means your ex is emotionally invested in you.

How The No Contact Rule Can Work As A Warning Sign

no contact meme

If you are an avid reader of this website then you know that I am a huge fan of the no contact rule. In fact, sometimes I feel like a broken record repeating the same advice over and over. No contact rule this, no contact rule that. It may shock you to learn that the NC rule can actually be used as a test to see if your ex wants you back.

Men in general like to think very highly of themselves. However, when you add in the fact that he has a girl wanting him his ego can get really inflated. One of my best friends described this phenomenon perfectly. He would tell me that he used to go to the gym to please girls. He wanted a “hot” body so that girls would fall over themselves just to have a chance to be with him. He says that he remembers going to the gym and being pretty arrogant because he had the “fitness model” body. Now, keep in mind at this point my friend didn’t have a girlfriend this was just how he saw himself.

Of course, a few years later when he was in a relationship with a girl his trips to the gym were completely different. He walked around thinking he was a king. He was “preselected” by women and it gave him an ego you wouldn’t believe. In his mind he could do no wrong. He didn’t even have to work out anymore. A man feels like an absolute god when he knows there is a girl that likes him.

Now, lets apply this knowledge to your ex. At this point, it doesn’t matter who broke up with who. You want him back and chances are he knows it. This fact alone will inflate his ego to an extraordinary level because in his mind he has you wrapped around his finger.

BUT

no contact baby memeWhen you add in the no contact rule suddenly the dynamic changes. He is expecting you to call him a million times during the breakup, do the emotional dance and even get on your knees and beg for him to come back to you. Only if you do a strict no contact rule he begins to wonder why you aren’t doing what you are supposed to do in begging for him back. Soon, he begins to worry that you have moved on so he reaches out to you, only you don’t respond.

Oh, now he is getting angry. In his mind he is this god who can have any woman he wants (because he had you) and you have the audacity to ignore his call? Anger on his part during the no contact rule is the next warning sign. I know it sounds crazy. How can an upset ex be a good thing? Again, it means he is emotionally invested in what you think and do.

There are a few things I would still like to point out though. The warning sign here is only shown if HE initiates contact during the no contact period. So, he has to call you/text you/facebook you/email you and then YOU have to ignore him. His reaction to you ignoring him is the sign for him wanting you back. The more upset he gets the more your value rises to him. I know that sounds weird, I mean, I am basically saying you want your ex to get upset. However, lets look at it on a logical level.

If he is this upset by your freeze out during the no contact rule we know that it means he is emotionally invested in you. It’s important that you don’t engage him because you want the dynamic to be that you are in control at all times. Him always having to work to get you will kind of turn him on a little bit because guys always want what they can’t have. Also, if he realizes that he is constantly chasing or having to work to get you your value will raise in his eyes. Instead of being the crazy ex girlfriend you will be the one that got away.

Pssstt… (Men always want the one that got away!)

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • In order for this warning sign to manifest you have to implement the no contact rule which you can learn more about here.
  • Men have big egos to start with but when they know they are “preselected” by girls their ego shoots through the roof.
  • If your ex boyfriend gets upset at you during the NC rule for not responding to him it means he is emotionally invested.
  • The more upset he gets during the NC period the more your value will rise to him.

Moving On A Little Quickly Now Aren’t We?

moving on meme

Men deal with breakups in all kinds of different ways. I actually alluded to this at the beginning of the article but I really didn’t go too far in-depth because I knew I was going to be talking about it here. Well, perhaps I should be a little more specific, I am going to be talking about one particular way that men deal with a breakup that is a surefire warning sign that he is not over you yet and may want you back in the future.

I hear a lot of stories every single day. As I am writing this article I am looking at my un-moderated comments. Shockingly, it is kind of low as there are only 33 I haven’t answered yet. Now, I can make you one guarantee about these 33 comments. When I do get to them later tonight there will be one or two that sound like this:

Chris, my ex and I dated for three years. We broke up a week ago but I wish I had found your site earlier because I have made so many mistakes that you say not to make. I called him too much and basically begged to get him back. I am afraid I scared him off because now he is dating this other girl….

Every single day I literally have a comment that looks like that. While I am absolutely thrilled to be getting these types of comments so early in this sites history I sometimes feel like some people don’t read what I am recommending and just decide to comment. But that is besides the point.

The point is that I chose this particular type of comment to discuss in this section because it is a potential warning sign that your ex boyfriend is not over you. As I said, every guy has a different way of dealing with a breakup. This particular type of guy immediately goes on the prowl looking for a woman to take away his pain.

Instead of doing the smart thing and letting a certain amount of time to go by, so he can heal, he tries to replace the hole in his heart with someone else, someone new. In the relationship industry we like to call this a “rebound relationship.” That is your sign. If he very quickly moves on after your relationship it is going to hurt you no doubt. However, you need to take a step back and look at things in a more “big picture” perspective. In most cases, rebound relationships don’t last. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the article I linked to above.

Key Takeaways From This Section

  • Men have different ways of dealing with breakups.
  • One of the most common ways is to go on the prowl for girls to fill the hole that you left in his heart.
February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (1,301)

  1. Lou - 0

    Lou

    It’s a bit long, but here goes…
    My ex and I broke up the second time about one month ago. We have been dating on/off for four years (part of the time as long distance since he moved to a different country). Last year we decided to give it a real try living together and everything. I moved to the country he is staying, but shortly things started going wrong. I felt lonely and couldn’t get a job and got to dependent on him while feeling like I was losin myself in the situation. My x worked many hours and I started doubting the moving in together and the relationship. I went home for a couple of months and then back because we missed each other but things didn’t change. We had some stupid arguments through Spring about the future and i threatened to leave a few times. But didn’t. Then eventually he told me that this wouldn’t work anymore and that we had to stop. First I felt devastated but I could see that things couldn’t go on. The same day I left for home I was offered a job and an opportunity to stay. After I got home and had a few days to think I decided to take the job and at the same time I decided to stop all contact to my x (not knowing about the no contact rule). After one week my x texted me asking how I was. I replied “ok under the circumstances and that I had been offered a job” he replied the same and congratulated me and that he was fine with the decision to split.
    Then one week later he send me a video from KLM with the message “I assume we are not going on the Holliday together as planed but thought you would like this video”. Stupidly I replied that we could still go together (naive) but he never replied on that.(ghosting)
    Then I started the NC rule and after one and a half week he contacted me again wether I wanted the stuff I had left at his apartment. He had just bought a new car so he could move it to the storage we shared.
    I left almost all my stuff there since I took a plane home so I needed to get it eventually. He also asked if I was in town, which I was at that moment because I had to find a new apartment and sign my work contracts. I replied and he asked if I wanted to meet for a coffee.
    I felt confident knowing that I was on my way creating a new life for myself with a new job and apartment etc. So I replied yes.
    We met and talked about my new job and how he was doing with his job. No relationship talk, besides from him telling me that one of his friends just convinced him to go on Tinder. He also asked if I was on tinder but I replied that I’d rather meet my next boyfriend in real life.
    I had to go meet my new boss so it was only a brief meeting.
    Then later the same day he wrote me again, asking if I wanted to see the new car he had just bought. I replied yes and we took a short drive and had a quick drink on a hillside. Then he drove me back and we departed. The next evening he wrote me again saying how glad he was to see me and that he hoped we could spend more time together without things getting complicated.
    I didn’t reply
    The thing is, I don’t want to be just friends or his doormat again (I ended up being that the first time we broke up). So right now I don’t know what to reply or if I should reply at all. Should I instead keep the NC rule for a bit longer or should I write him that I don’t think that’s a good idea to spend time together at the moment (or at all under the circumstances). I would really like to get back together, and still have a lot of feelings for him. but the way things are right now I know he is to afraid of committing because he is afraid I’ll let get to dependent on him and feel bad about myself and the relationship again and eventually start doubting. At the same time I know things are different now because I’m in charge of what is going on in my life and I know what I did wrong and how to prevent that from happening again. I just don’t know what to do now and I certainly don’t want to be hurt by him because he leads me on.
    //Lou

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lou,

      send that message and then restart nc and do at least 30 days.

  2. Camila - 0

    Camila

    My ex broke up with me over text over a huge argument we had a month ago. We known each other for a year and had been only dating three months. The last time we spoke was 2 weeks ago, but he was adamant about not wanting to get back together. So I employed NC since then because eventhough I was hurt, I truly do care for him and want him back. He still has me on fb, twitter, and always watches my Snachat stories, but does not reach out to me. His mom however reached out to me over text to check how I was doing and to say how sorry she was about the way things ended. They’re both really close. I have not spoken to him directly and try to keep myself as distant as possible. He ocasionally post sad love songs and recently has been posting resentful subtweets about me. He was fine in the beginning, being indifferent, going out parties, hanging out with his friends, and now he’s so hurt but still won’t contact me. Is he trying to move on or could he possibly want me back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Camila,

      restart the count of nc. Because nc is more for you to heal and improve and be active in posting.. Not just to stop talking to him and to wait for him to initiate.. if he’s sad, that means he misses you.

  3. charlotte - 0

    charlotte

    my ex and i broke up 2 months ago. after the last time i saw him didn’t end well (beginning of june), i decided to do 30 days of NC. NC would have been up on the 10th, but our mutual friends had a pool party for fourth of july and we both went. things were a bit awkward at first, but we were friendly and cordial. with everyone leaving the party, it was just me, him, and a friend of ours. he still wanted to go out, while our friend wanted to go home. my ex asked me if i wanted to go out with him and we could invite my parents (they got along very well when we were dating). i said sure, and my parents met us at a bar close by. we started out pretty friendly but the more we drank the more flirtatious he got. putting his arm around me, calling me his girl in front of my parents… he was even telling my parents they need to meet his mom since they never met. he was even referencing the future and making plans… because he had work the next day and we had a lot to drink, he and i went home (we live close to one another). fireworks were starting so he wanted to watch them together. he put his arms around me and was being very sweet and affectionate, and then he kissed me. he kept kissing me and just holding me close telling me how much fun he had with me. when i was leaving, he ran after me and kissed me again, saying he just wanted to kiss me one more time. this happened on the fourth, and today is the 6th. i havent heard from him. what do i do next? i very much want this to work out and i do see us ending up together one day.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      has he texted now? Just go back to slowly building rapport again.

    • Charlotte - 0

      Charlotte

      He hasn’t texted. I went out with our mutual friend today and we invited him to drink with us and he texted me back saying “okay thanks, I’ll pass this Time though.” I didn’t respond. I wasn’t overly flirtatious inviting him either. I just said “hey we’re grabbing a beer, did you want to join us? Your welcome to if you’d like.” I know for a fact he’s not dating anyone or even taking to anyone. He watches all my snaps and likes all my instagram posts. Im really good friends with his sister and she said that hE told his uncle and aunt that he sees us getting back togethrrr and getting married someday… but I hear nothing from him! I’m just at a loss of what to do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Rest from initiating maybe a week or two and continue being active in your life and in posting

  4. Rachel - 0

    Rachel

    My ex and I broke up three weeks ago because he couldn’t handle how miserable his ex was making him and keeping his children away from him since he was in a new relationship. His ex has been with someone since they divorced. Every other day since he break up he has reached out in some way. Last week he told me that he had been thinking about me a lot but that he just couldn’t give me 100%. I told he he needed to stop playing games with me then. I was still hurt. He reached out a few more times after that. Then I ignored him and a week went by. I made the mistake of reaching out to him and telling him how I felt. He responded that not a day goes by that he doesn’t think of me but that it boiled down to him making the hard decision of letting me go because he couldn’t handle how miserable his ex was making him. He then asked how things were and said it was good to hear from me. I waited a few hours and responded. He didn’t text me back. The longest we have gone is a week without talking. I want him back but I don’t know what to do. Is it too late to do no contact and let him see what life is like without me? What should I do? Will it even matter? No contact is so scary because I feel that he may forget about me and move on.

    Reply
  5. JL - 0

    JL

    My ex and I broke up a little over a week ago due to us fighting and dealing with stress of over working (we both work 60 hours a week) I saw him once after that he came over to get some of his things from my house but he actually never got his things. We both said we loved each other still but he wanted time and space to think about getting back together and I haven’t reached out to him since, respecting his wishes of space to think about things. However my close friend told me my ex has been asking him about me and wanting to know what I’m up too etc. should I continue with NC and respond when he reaches out to me? (If he does) and why is he asking about me to my friend? Doesn’t make sense. Thanks…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Continue nc.. It’s normal that he misses you.. If he reaches out, stick to it

  6. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    I haven’t talked to my ex in about 3 months a few weeks ago he contacts me cus he’s randomly near my job. I ignored him I’m still hurt plus I didn’t want an emotional reunion at my job then the next week he tells me he’s near my job again and can’t help but miss me. I still ignore him. Then the next week he hits me up for friend with benefits I reply no and told him it would be harder for me to have a relationship like that then just not having him in my life at all. He replays how he cherishes all our memories and how he’s always goin to wonder if i was the woman he needed… that was a week and a half ago. Do you think he’ll contact me again. I miss him a lot but he used me for sex when I was trying to work things out and then just broke up with me again out of no where… I cant bring myself to initiate contact firsr either. I dont want to. I begged for him to work on our relationship when we first broke up months ago. I feel like he knows what i want and if i contact him it gives him another excuse for him to tell me he doesnt know what he wants. If he doesnt initiate a reconciliation im tryn to comvince myself its for the best and ill just move on but i dtill miss him. Do you think he’ll contact me again? :/

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      He probbaly will but if it’s just for sex, it would be better to move on

  7. Ify - 0

    Ify

    So my ex and i broke up around this time last year because according to him, he was not ready for a relationship. After the break up, we were still in touch and in each others lives until September when we last spoke. Months passed and during this time i finally began moving on. In April, he contacted me via Twitter saying he wanted to check up on me. I ended the conversation quickly because i wasn’t entirely comfortable speaking to him. Soon afterwards his friends started contacting me one after the other but i did the same. A few days ago i opened my Instagram page for the first time in a while and i see a recent follow request from him so i accept it and we start talking.Now, he texts and calls me frequently and always mentions how he’s changed, talking about how he’ll be there for me if i need him and yesterday he asked if we can hang out. i told him we can and he kept talking about how excited he is that we’re going to see . Right now, I am quite confused i do not know what this all means. Is he trying to get back together with me? or is just playing games and trying to get sex?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      don’t jump to conclusions but don’t be naive too.. just be friendly to him.. you have to let more time pass to see what he’s further actions will be too

  8. Emma - 0

    Emma

    So my situation is a little long and confusing, in this case it uses instances of the no contact rule which backfires lol

    This guy( lets called him dave) and I have never officially been together as couple. Dave took my virginity 5 years ago, I fell in love with him but he did not even like me and he was a dick to me. At that point I stopped calling him, blocked him, erased him on social media.

    3 years flew by, I had dated and had another boyfriend during this period. During those 3 years Dave would call me on unknown numbers, text me from different phones even if I block them he would get/ use another phone. He would do anything to try and ‘talk’ to me . I put quotations because I felt like he was only holding on to me because I only had sex when he took my virginity.( It was almost like he missed out on the fun part so he wanted more)- the no contact rule worked satisfyingly at this point.

    By 2015, I was dating again after breaking up with the boyfriend I had during 1 of those 3 years. Dave was still, texting me from different phones, there would be nothing much to the texts, just maybe my name or, ‘how are you?’ to which he would get no reply. ( friends by this point started to think I did something to him that made him think about me so much). I decided after that long time, with a tinge of resentment toward him from what happened 3 years prior, to start seeing him again (BIG MISTAKE). It wasn’t really a relationship I was using him for my own pleasure. In my head i was thinking that i would be the one gaining, i was using him this time he was not using me. I was dating other guys while this was going on, thinking nothing of it.

    About 4 months into this mess, I met my current boyfriend who is everything I want in a guy. After about a month of speaking, I say to Dave ‘I no longer want to see you i’ve found someone else’ . Everything after that was great ( apart for Daves attempt to say that he is a better person to which he was no match to my current boyfriend). I was talking to my current boyfriend for 6 months before we did anything, everything with him was beautiful and special. I thought the dave days were over but i was wrong. Dave started doing what he did before, however this time I had no choice but to use the no contact rule in fear it might cause jealousy within my current relationship (Dave was spoken about between us however the frequency of the texts and calls caused some arguments).

    It is now 2017 and I have been caught of guard a few times with him, i now receive random calls with no caller ID, I feel like the no contact rule would have been great if i wanted him back. But i don’t, i do not want to know him, a lot of things have changed over the years . What else can i do, when will he stop contacted me. Its now a laughable subject among my friends, they really think I’ve done something to him.

    I decided to speak to him over the phone just to see what he wants, Why he needs to speak to me, the only reason he gave is to see ‘how i am’. I feel like he’ll be doing this for years. what do i do! sorry for the length of this post, thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just dont respond ever.. if he becomes violent or threatening, or stalking you,call the police..

    • Sage - 0

      Sage

      I’m wondering myself about me and my bf/ex. We broke up because according to his schedule is moving in together had to wait. It’s been 7 months of waiting, with a lame excuse.
      After a day he changed his FB status to single, and later on in the night, I broke the NC rule and called him.
      He sounded great, said he was somewhat over me, and somewhat still hurt. He sounded borh happy to hear me and also mad/cold.
      Now I’m confused as to if it’s salvageable, or should I move on, since he is standing his ground.
      He did tell me in two days he would come do my lawn. Is there hope?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Try to finish at least 30 days first. Start a nee routine during nc, maintain that routine after nc

  9. Angie - 0

    Angie

    Ok be prepared, it’s kind of a long one, and different from the others….
    I went out with this guy back at the end of 2011, just for a week! Then as I didn’t think he was my type, I said I didn’t wish to see him again. But then a couple of months later decided, I had judged him too soon and decided to date him again. We dated for 4 months, he was always wanting to plan for the future, saying things like he could turn his loft into another couple of bedrooms for my kids. I panicked as thought it was moving too fast and finished it. 8 months later, after him begging me to try again, we got back together, again after a couple of months he started with the heavy planning again, even moving to a bigger house so if I moved in there was enough room for his kids and mine. I kept asking him to slow down, then one day a couple of months later, he came across a photo of a girlfriend from his teenage years and decided to contact her and send the photo to her asking if she remembered….. I felt uneasy, and could tell there was still feelings there. So I finished it again. Then for the next 7 months, he begged for me to try again, I said I could only be friends as I felt I couldn’t offer him any more, however we did sleep together a few times in this period. Then my Dad died, and I had to concentrate on my Mum. He asked if he could come to the funeral, I said no (as he’d only met my Dad once, and I was worried everyone would think we were together). After that I didn’t hear from him at all. Then I got a ‘Happy New’ Year message from him (2016) I was stunned, replied ‘Happy New Year’ back. Then nothing, until my birthday, (which is a week later) when I got a birthday card. I messaged, thanking him. That was that. He played on my mind, more and more….then I got a messsage saying he had got with someone else and felt compelled to let me know. I acted cool, said I was happy for him. But deep inside I was devastated. Then up it pops on Facebook…… he was with the girlfriend from his teenage years! (The one he had sent the photo to while we were together, confirming I had got it right, he did still have feelings for her). The trouble is, with the passing of my Dad, I had re-evaluated life…. and after the new year message and birthday card, it sparked feelings in me for him again! But now I’d left it too late, and I’d lost him for good! I realised, I had to let go, let him find happiness with this woman he had loved since his teenage years. So I stepped back. Even went out with someone else for a couple of months. (But I just kept comparing this new bloke to my ex) it lasted just 2 months, then I finished with him. A couple of months later, I’m in my local pub, when he walked in, with the girlfriend and one of her sons. We said hello….. I couldn’t take my eyes off him all evening, when they left, he came over and kissed me on the cheek to say goodbye. I was beside myself. That was in September, I did nothing but look up at the stars each night (when it wasn’t cloudy) and ask the universe to help me get him back. Nothing happened! Then at Christmas, ‘Love Actually’ was on the tv. This is his favourite film! And while he was begging me to give him another chance, he had sent me a picture from the film, when the guy holds up the sign saying ‘To me, you are perfect’. I don’t know what possessed me, but I took a picture of that bit in the film and sent it to him. A couple of days later he replied, asking if I had been drinking. I said no, I was soba, and it had reminded me of him so I sent it. Then a couple of days later, the film was on again……. so I did it again! The very next day he replied asking if I had been drinking again. I said no again, and sorry, it was just the way I feel, I apologised and said it was wrong of me as I know he is happy with girlfriend, and said my heart overruled my head. He said it wasn’t a problem, we all do it from time to time. New Year’s Eve I messaged him ‘Happy New Year’ and he messaged it back too. Then we had my birthday again and he wished me ‘Happy Birthday’ on Facebook. I messaged him, thanking him. Then contact became more frequent, with him telling me he feared he had bitten off more than he could chew with the girlfriend, she had a lot of baggage and health problems, as well as a drinking problem. He began to flirt with me in his messages, reminiscing about when we were together. I couldn’t believe what was happening, then she asked for a break, they were on a break for 2 weeks before they met up again and she finished it. He messaged me and asked me to come over. I went! And as you can guess we ended up in bed. I was over the moon! ……..But……. the very next day, he regretted it! I was so upset! He was so sorry, and guilt we continued to message, daily! Then he said he just wanted to be friends because he still loved the (ex) girlfriend. I was devastated again. I tried to back off, but I struggled, and contacted him again, we messaged on and off, then he invited me round, his daughter was there, I stayed for dinner and we watched a movie. I went home. A week or so later, I was invited again, this time my daughter also came too. Then he invited me for coffee, with his son too. Still all on friendship basis, apart from when he’s been drinking, then his messages are flirty. I was invited over last week to watch a movie, this time, just me and him. We sat together on the sofa, not touching!!! We ended up watching 2 films, chat was normal, not flirty. I came home. A couple of days later, I decided to question his mixed signals……. again he said he only wants friendship, he has barriers up big time, he doesn’t want to get hurt again and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. So I said ok, I need to get my head and heart used to the fact that we will never be a couple again. Then a couple of days later he asked how I was. I said good thanks, we chatted back and forth for a couple of messages, then he stopped again. Then yesterday, he invited me to the cinema, with him and possibly his son, if he wants. I didn’t reply all day, then in the evening with only about a couple of hours before the film was due to start, I declined his offer. I’ve not heard from him today. It’s his birthday on Tuesday and last night I posted his birthday card…… kept it simple, it was a card for a special friend, and I signed it from me and the kids.
    My question is, do you think there I should any chance we have a future or do you think I do literally have to get my heart and head used to the idea of us not getting back together? XXx

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      don’t sleep with a guy that you’re not committed with.. anyways, if you want try the no contact rule.. do at least 45 days and then take it slow in building rapport after.

  10. Gabapentin - 0

    Gabapentin

    I mistakenly sent my ex an email and he sent me a really positive one. Then I called once to ask if he wanted to see the movie we both planned before. Then 2 days later he sent me a text saying he wants to go see the movie with me. What does that mean? Should I read into it?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s hard to read, but it’s a good sign..

  11. Ella - 0

    Ella

    Hi, my husband and i have been broken 1.5 months( he moved out a week ago. I initially had beg him to stay and kept telling him how mucb i loved him and that i would always be here waiting for him. That i believed in out marriage and. Our family we have 2 kids. Before he moved out i had agreed to be good friends for the sake of our kids but i decided to do NC and i was waiting for him to move out since he had already made up his mind. When he left i said i needed space and now he is really upset since i have only been in communication regarding the kids.
    He is very upset as he feels he was lied to “we were doing just fine before we left now u cant even talk to me and ur text are one word answers” anyway i saw him when picking up my kids and he freaked out!!! Complaining about the same thjng that he never imagined my space meant NC and not caring about him” … so i guess my question is it a bad thing him getting upset really mad everytime he sees me because i dont wanna talked or doing NO NC… i did not arguedd back i just said i need space and he kept flipping and left all mad

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope, anger means he still has feelings.. so, just remain calm, continue improving yourself and let him be.

  12. Lily - 0

    Lily

    Hi, my husband and i have been broken 1.5 months( he moved out a week ago. I initially had beg him to stay and kept telling him how mucb i loved him and that i would always be here waiting for him. That i believed in out marriage and. Our family we have 2 kids. Before he moved out i had agreed to be good friends for the sake of our kids but i decided to do NC and i was waiting for him to move out since he had already made up his mind. When he left i said i needed space and now he is really upset since i have only been in communication regarding the kids.
    He is very upset as he feels he was lied to “we were doing just fine before we left now u cant even talk to me and ur text are one word answers” anyway i saw him when picking up my kids and he freaked out!!! Complaining about the same thjng that he never imagined my space meant NC and not caring about him” … so i guess my question is it a bad thing him getting upset really mad everytime he sees me because i dont wanna talked or doing NO NC… i did not arguedd back i just said i need space and he kept flipping and left all mad

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope, anger means he still has feelings.. so, just remain calm, continue improving yourself and let him be.

  13. Antares - 0

    Antares

    Hi, my ex boyfriend for 3 months broke up with me last sunday. In 3 months everyday were together and were so comfortable with each other, yes theres a lot of fight in that 3 months due to my trust issues but he always understand me and insist that let forget about it. Last week, we fighted for 1 week different matters but we fixed it. So we waited for the weekend to be together as it is our routine everyweekend were together watching movies and sleep. He also having a family problem which he cant share with me so im not pushing him to tell and respecting the decision. He also said that he dont like me to do anything about it and just be with him, which is my fault because i cant understand him lately, i only focused with my feelings, i jumped in to a super wrong conclusion and over think everything. I get depressed so I decided to be alone as i go to coffee shop i keep crying because i feel empty and i feel that he’s avoiding me. He called ask where am i its raining he push me to go home i said after i finish my coffee i will go home in 15 min. After we cut the phone i decided to off my mobile and give 1 more hour to myself to think and relax also im avoiding to cry everytime we had a fight i kept on crying. And then i reached home i turned on my mobile i received a message are you home? I said yes and he called he’s super upset as we keep on arguing late at night he turned his point of you 360 degress as he claimed that all of whats happening in our relationship is his fault. He’s in this world just to make me sad or sacrifice which is not true. He pushed me away and his voice is decided to leave me and tell that were done and no need to meet as were done. I keep on pushing him to come back to me to talk to til he blocked me on whats app and unfriend me on facebook. After that night i stop communicating with him in any forms. Today is the 4th day of our break up he called first my roomate to ask for a favor about my things i have in his house and my friend refused to do so, i didnt expect him to call me but he called and i answered his voice is so calm and i keep my voice calm pretending that nothings happened he ask when and where he can drop my things back and then i said whenever youre free and i said you can drop it at home and we agreed thank you take care and bbye to each other. Now, i feel so lost and down as i feel that hes so decided to finish everything about me. I dont know how to act when we see each other for my things. I just subcribed to your book last night and it helps me a lot, im just starting to read it and i lose focus when he called which i just read not to answer. I just read it, too sad. Now, i dont know how to react when we see each other again if ill be happy or i will show my real feelings that i really miss him and i want him back. If i show that im okay after the break up he might feel that the break up is the best decision because im happy not crying and not sad. Im confused. I really want him back. I know were only together for a short period of time but i really loved him. Please help.

    Reply
  14. Fancy - 0

    Fancy

    We dated for fice months and he was deeply involved. He talked about marriage and took me home to meet his parents. He was really open with me and I know he liked me. I liked him a lot but I was broken from my last two relationships and i just wanted to be sure he was not a pretentious person. I broke up with him three times in that period but will come back after a day or two because he would reach out amd still want to try. One time i lied to him that i was breaking up because i was seeing someone else. He asked for another chance and that he would forgive me. I eventually told him the truth. In summary, i just played a lot of silly games so I could see how much he cared about me. I was nice to him during the relationship too because tgat is who i am. I just allowed fear ruin things. He broke up with me in February and for the first time, I begged him so much. I begged and begged and called his mum and friend to beg but he insisted. Unfortunately i had trusted and fallen in love with him and i was willing to be as open and vulnerable. He was buying a house and he involved me in the whole process and even considered the things I preferred. I know i lost out on a good man. I knew he was stressed when he was looking for a house and I found out i was pregnant. He had talked about how much he never wanted kids outside marriage and he told me to use the pill but I used it late. I honestly did not know what to do amd i did not want to dis stabilize him in the final stages of house purchase. So i did not tell him. I had an abortion and it was painful and stressful but i kept mute and would keep encouraging him. After a month we broke up, i called him to tell him, he was mad at me for not taking the contraceptive then he was even more mad that i hid it from him. He said i had a wrong approach with a good intention. And that that just shows him that we cnt be together. He said he would hav suggested we take it out but that at least he would have known. Makes sense but at that time, I thought i was being strong for us. He has asked that i stop talking to his mum and friends and that i should not text him or call him because we both need to heal and move on. He also said he is taking time to just chill and be ready for when he meets another person. I asked about our pictures, he said he deleted them and trashed the physical ones. I asked if he misses me, he said sometimes. I decided to go no contact. I am 17 days into it and i have gone on four vacations and posted on social media.
    I also just lost my job around that time so i was very very emotional and hormonal. I know i was at fault but honestly I expected some kind of compassion from him. I know i hirt him so much but do you think this can be restored (he has said we had zero chance of getting back). And is no contact the way to go in this situation seeing that i hurt him? How long should i do no contact? I have been working on myself seriously and taking notes on how to be better.

    Reply
  15. Emily - 0

    Emily

    My ex and I were together for 6 months before he broke up with me. His reason was because he felt that it was “God’s will” after he had spoken with a number of people he trusted who told him he should wait to date. -_- Yeah, so…we have been talking because I couldn’t complete the NC rule because I literally see him at bible study and our pathfinder sessions and it was killing me. He did he angry though when I ignored him for three days. He’s been really dickish lately though, especially yesterday when he started a fight with his guy friend playing an online game. I had invited this guy friend to come over and hang out with me the next day and I mentioned it in passing to see when he was coming over in front of my ex. My ex was like “you two are hanging out?” So I said “yeah…you can join us if you’d like.” and he said “Where? When?” So I said we were gonna hang out with my best friend the next day around noon and then possibly go to game night at another friend’s house. To which he responded “oh, well I already promised to go to game night…so I guess I’ll see you guys there.” And it was after that that I think he started being really dickish during our online game. He disconnected from the voice chat saying that we were tilting him and he needed to listen to some “nice jams.” And then in the next game he started arguing with the guy friend about “who made you the boss? I also made a call. Like, I’m a human with free will, I don’t have to listen to everything you say…blah blah blah.” So this pissed me off, and I had remained muted during this next game to avoid tilting him…but as soon as we were done I literally yelled at them both, but especially him and said “Q, shut up! I’m sick and tired of this attitude you’re giving everyone! You’re both fighting over nothing, it’s a game! I may not have game sense, but I do have team sense! So before we play another game we need to make the decision about who’s gonna make the calls!” I verbally apologized to yelling at him but he didn’t respond, so I messaged the apology to him and he was like “nah, you’re fine. If that had aggravated me then there really would be a problem.” (Okay.) so I said I didn’t believe that because he wasn’t responding. So then he said “ok, well you do you I guess? You don’t have to believe anything I say. wait, so I can speak again?” I have a gut instinct that he was lying about that, but I don’t know…I left the voice chat soon after because I was too pissed off to play another game and then he switched to another voice channel from the group and played by himself. What does this mean? Was it an act of jealousy?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emily,

      it can be.. how old are you both? Do you mean he’s not allowed to date yet? If yes, then that means there’s no other way for now but just to be friends..

  16. mera - 0

    mera

    Please i need ur advice
    I dated a guy for a 3 years and we got engaged,
    Through this period he broke up with me like 6 times and each time i begged, cried and yelled at him but he didnt come back and after a month he call me and we get back together
    He said that he has alot of finicial issues in his life right now and sometimes he feels that he cant handle our fights thats why he breaks up and he loves me and bla bla bla
    Now from a month a go he broke up again and for the first time i acted so cool about it , i didnt get angry or begged him or anything . I said thats oki and that i fed up too .
    From two weeks he called me to ask for a stupid thing and called me again from a week (we had a business together so he wants some money from me, and i told him that first call to send me his account number to send him his money) so the 2nd call he told me that bank told him that i cant make a transfer right now so we can meet and take the money by himself.
    I was so cool and i told him thats not a good idea to see or call each others again and i can send him his money with a friend and he said ok as u wish of course
    After two days i sent him a text saying
    I gave ur money to my brother and he will contact u
    He replied please dont contact me again i have a girl friend now and he blocked me after
    What the hell he wants ?!!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mera,

      probably just to get a reaction from you. I assume you’re in nc right now but if it was not focused in improving yourself and in actively posting in social media,restart the count. You did well in talking to him about the money only, you can keep doing that..

  17. Kelly - 0

    Kelly

    Hi! I was dating my ex for 1 month in the summer, we had a lot of great memmories together. I thing I hated he always spent time with his friends, he even was taking them for our dates. One time he forgotten that he had a date with me that evening and said that he needs to go to the gym and i just was standing in the park alone. We broke up, because I wanted him to spend more time with me, than with his friends and gym. We had an argument, when he told me that he is not gonna meet me more than twice a week! At midnight next day he told me that he will try to change. Than a week passed and he didn’t call me! He just stopped calling me. I deleted him from friends and he approved (in the internet). Now it is spring (almost a year passed). And ….He wrote me. He asked me about my life and health.. He asked for meeting. I asked what the reason. He told that he didn’t see me for a long time and wanted to meet. He told that he didnt have a courage to erite previously. BUT.. He has a girlfriend… now.. and I asked him(during the meeting) if he loves her. He said yes. And what about me? He said that he loved me, but not now…What the reason??? Why he wants to be friends after such long period?…He even went for a walk today with me instead of his girlfriend…Why he follows me on social network?…Why he wants to spend time and says that loves her..Maybe he doesnt understand that he still loves me?and this girl is just a temporary substitution?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kelly,

      its unlikely that the girl is a substitute if its been a year already. To be frank, it’s a bigger possibility that you’re the rebound if they are having problems right now.

  18. Nata - 0

    Nata

    Hi. At first I have to say I dated long distance relationship. We were talking everyday or every weekend. Everything was okay till we meet. He was so good to me also when we meet. But I was wondering about his past and asked some kind of question about his past. I have to say I am inexperienced girl about relationship,he was my first real love that I really felt special feeling towards to him. He was saying that also to me.I was thinking asking his past and being open is the best way to be closer each other,that is why I asked about his past and while arguing I slapped him. I was so regret, I couldn’t stay offended and say multiply times “Sorry”. But I really didn’t know it is the wrongest way (asking his past) for him and after I came back my country he said he needs time to think. I was going on to say sorry,but it was not helping and cannot wait when we will talk again. I waited and never disturbed him. But in this time I created some fake account in some app that he uses and asked him there “Do you have girlfriend?”, he said “No, I’m here look for dating” . It was really bad and broke my heart. How i was believing him?! I said that it was me there and he started blame me not trusting him. He said he is done. But I really have no any other doubt before. We stopped talking from that day (4th of February) and 18th of February he asked “Very sorry to bug you,by chance did you end up with my passport?” I replied kindly and also said I will check again our home. I checked carefully home and replied him his passport is not with me. He was not also angry,but I don’t know what it means. Do you think He wants me back ? What I have to do? I cannot stop love him and don’t want anyone instead of him. Today is 20th day of no contact rule, he wrote me 14th day of it. What is going on with him?
    Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nata,

      if the past days we’re not focused in improving yourself and in posting in social media, you need to restart the count. Don’t read too much on his text, because it might be just to check about his passport. check this one:
      The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

    • Tiara - 0

      Tiara

      It’s been about 4 days since my breakup. He ended things saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship. It seemed so sudden, we’ve been together 4.5 months. I was away at college the last month of our relationship, I recently transferred closer to home though. He’s 18, I’m 19. His friends are very immature, he use to be almost too clingy…however, I was a priority over his friends. The last two weeks he always wanted to spend time with his friends who are also a bad influence on him extremely. I just knew that his love for me was enough. Last night I ran into him, it was awkward and neither of us spoke but I could see him staring at me for about 10 minutes off and on. I left and he watched me leave through the window. This hurts cause I know I truly did put my best foot forward to be the supportive and best gf. Idk where it went wrong.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tiara,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  19. Sara - 0

    Sara

    Hi, I submitted a comment but it’s not appeared, so if this is a repeat I’m sorry.
    My boyfriend and I were together for just over a year. We broke up 6 weeks ago, but work together. I started no contact two weeks ago, but working together makes it tricky; I’m his manager and I have a jokey relationship with all of my staff and I don’t want everyone knowing we split.
    He started our relationship and pushed for us to trying despite the problems of working together, and he said he loved me first and quite early on, and also was the one who said he wanted it to be a clear boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. However when I suggested we move in at the end of his lease (which would have been 2 years into our relationship) he went quite cold. Any argument he backs away from rather than air feelings.
    Then he ended it saying we wanted different things and he didn’t feel as happy and I was draining for asking him why he thought I was amazing/loved me etc (I have worryingly low self-esteem).
    Initially NC didn’t occur. I contacted him a lot and he always replied. He told me to write it down so I did then he started calling me. He told me his mum missed me etc. helped me with work, lots. Then one day I suggested his contacting me was almost stringing me along, he got very angry, then I asked if he would reconsider us (he did not give a clear answer) and I haven’t contacted him since. He has text twice and he emailed me a lot of photos of a friend’s dog. One night after work we were stuck walking together briefly, I left without saying anything, he then stood across the street waving his arms until I waved goodbye.
    We had a work night out, he sat beside me and he didn’t openly talk to me but kept staring at me. I asked him how his mum was then he just answered and that was it. If I spoke to someone else he stared. I moved to another table and he moved too and then made jokey mean comments to me. A friend realised I was upset by it so I sat with him, he bought me a dessert and my ex continued to stare. The friend kept asking me if I was OK, which got me more and more upset and got a little teary so got up and left for the bathroom to hide this. Ex kept staring at me but was talking to an unknown girl. I left soon after and he smiled at me and watched as I was leaving then I was chatting to someone outside and saw my ex was sitting behind me but not acknowledging me.
    He hasn’t messaged me since. He once said the break up wasn’t as black and white to him as I seemed to think but he’s given no hint to me that he still cares or anything but I want him back. Initially I worried I didn’t love him the same way as I had loved another ex, but realised that this was a healthier love that was really good for me and I felt more connected to him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sara,

      that’s ok.. I just erased the first one. If you weren’t actively improving yourself, you have to restart the count. And check this one too:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • Sara - 0

      Sara

      I feel like I was trying to improve myself, but I’m not very good at that kind of thing. I have focused on other areas but due to other things happening, that’s a bit difficult. We spent the day at work today being civil and no more, and I do what I can to shut down conversations beyond work, mostly because it results in me being a bit emotional or nasty. Then he went and bought me new stationery, so I gave him the money for it and he got angry at this demanding I give it to charity and I said he could do that but taking the money and choosing the charity he wanted. It’s all a complete mind mess.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Now, you really have to restart the count.. and it’s not about being good at improving yourself.. That’s not a skill.. I’m not insulting you ok? It just shows you’re not paying more attention to yourself, or loving yourself. Focus in improving yourself.. Love yourself. Check this:
      The Ungettable Girl

  20. Courtney - 0

    Courtney

    My boyfriend (now my ex-boyfriend) broke up with me on Valentine’s Day (which was the day after our 6-month anniversary) when he went out partying with his friends while he was drunk and high. He sent me ya know like drunk texts and basically blew up my phone. I kept telling him to just go to bed, but he refused. He kept drunk texting me things saying how he was never good enough for me, that my sister was right, that I am now single, that he is going to be single on his birthday (his birthday is Valentine’s Day btw) and that he is going to be alone forever.

    The sad thing is that I came up with cute things to do for him in honor of our anniversary, his birthday, and Valentine’s Day. I had made him a crossword puzzle, wrote him a sentimental essay about us and our future together, wrote him a letter, and made a poem for him in honor of our 6-month anniversary, Valentine’s Day, and his birthday (btw his birthday is on Valentine’s day so it is like a double whammy). And he did NOTHING nice for me in return.

    It hurt really bad. I think the reason why it hurt way more was because we were best friends before we started dating. We had known each other for a little over three and a half years (so he was no stranger by any means). And prior to dating, he had confessed his feelings for me. He said that he has always had feelings for me but never acted on them because I used to see him as a brother. So with everything that happened, it just made it that much more difficult and I think that is understandable. He used to be much more open in the beginning of our relationship and he used to put in much more effort too.

    All he did say to me is “happy anniversary” when we were fighting (he was mad that I didn’t send him some of the things I had prepared for him earlier even though I had already given him like 2 things which was the essay and crossword puzzle like a day or 2 before our anniversary). He was mad and could not let it go. Then on Valentine’s Day/his birthday (he went out with friends and was partying) and all he could text me was why I hadn’t texted him back and then a drunk “happy valentine’s day <3" prior to his drunken tired and then ultimately breaking up with me.

    *** Side Note: We were a long-distance relationship btw

    Oh and since the break up, I have decided to do the no contact rule thing. I want to focus on myself and what I want. He did text me like the day after and tried to be nice. I was nice back, but was short with him (I kept the few text messages very short but still nice and respectful. I don't think being mean or rude will solve anything even though he did me wrong). Apparently he has asked a friend of mine how I am doing. I guess that's nice, but I don't know. I want him to really think about what he lost. I want him to experience life without me being involved at all and without him knowing what is going on with me. Even if he were to change into a much better guy, he still has a lot to prove to me for me to even consider being his friend again talk less of us possibly dating again.

    Anyways any thoughts, opinions, or suggestions would be great, thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Courtney,

      start the count on the first day that you stopped initiating and responding.. The only reason you can reply or talk to him is if it’s an emergency, have to exchange items that cant wait until after nc or if he says he wants you back..dont social media stalk him too.. just be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

    • Courtney - 0

      Courtney

      Hey Amor thanks for the response,

      I wanted to give a brief update. So he send me a long text message about a week ago saying that he was sorry. It seemed pretty heartfelt. I told him that it was nice to see. I still kept my distance though and was responding to his texts. However, the last text message he sent to me was really brief and random so I think yesterday I have officially started with NC. I have yet to respond to his text message and I don’t plan on it either.

      As you said, I can respond if I feel like the it is an emergency (I don’t have any of his belongings and he doesn’t have anything of mine either). If not, then I don’t see a reason why to. I want him to really take some time and think about how he chose not to have me around and for him to feel the effects of that. I also want him to realize how I was a catch and how he chose to let me go. I definitely think that being a better me is probably the best thing I can do not only to make him regret his decision, but for me to be a better version of myself and stronger than ever. Oh and thanks for your advise so far! I will try to keep you updated

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome! That’s good! Keep it up!

  21. May - 0

    May

    I broke up with my ex bf almost a month ago due of my anger coz he doesnt answer my calls and he acted distant that is why i get mad and ask him why he acted that way but he doesnt want to explain why that is why i broke up with him after the break up we both us the nc but after i week i broke it off and sending him a message saying im sorry for the words i said with out thinking and he replied right away saying sorry too and he ask if we can be friends and i said yes we can be friends but i want to discuss our issue coz it just a misunderstanding of both side i want to discus what we want to make our relationship works and i give him space to fucos on himself and if he feels to contact me i am open after 10 days i message him how is he .. he ignored my message i try to call him once he also ignore im just wondering why he act that way and why he ignored my message i just want to clear things up if we can work it out in the future or not so that i can move on too with out hanging some questio left unanswered.. i didnt call or message him aftrr that coz im afraid it will just push him futher away..
    Can you pls help me what to do? Im improving myself now and open on dating coz i dont want to show him im just waiting in the corner for him to comeback coz it might just help me to move on easier..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI May,

      that’s his way of ghosting you.. He doesn’t want to talk about working it out.. So, that means he wants you to move on. If you want, you can still do the no contact rule and try to rebuild rapport slowly after.

  22. Jessie - 0

    Jessie

    Me and my ex broke up 2 and bit months ago. Its been a messy break up and for a while i kept asking him questions about us and stuff because i was left with so many unanswered questions. It wasn’t so much begging for him back but asking questions/hassling…
    i go on and off no contact, and if i do talk i take a while to reply or be blunt. He still asks me questions to show he cares like “did you get with anyone”, “did i guy get you that”. Will full no contact still work? I think i can do it now, but is it too late? I feel like recently things have started to change as in, him slowly realising what hes lost however, he still has the best of both worlds..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jessie,

      We don’t guarantee that it will work but the more you do it, the less it can help you. So, if you don’t want to move on, the best step is to stick to nc.

  23. Sabrina - 0

    Sabrina

    My ex broke up with me two months ago, I followed the no contact rule but when I initiated contact and offered to be his friend he told me that he has been missing me so much it is destroying him. He wanted to know if I had started dating and moved on so he knew that getting back together was off the table. I told him that I wasn’t sure he was ready to try again and that we should take a little more time apart to make sure its what we both want. He messaged me a day later saying that he was going to be friendly but stated again that he missed me. I told him that life is really busy right now but if he could meet with me for an hour next weekend I would appreciate it because I would like to talk about somethings. He told me he would let me know if he was around to meet up. I don’t know what to say when/ if we actually meet up or how to tell if he really wants me. Do I lay my cards on the table and tell him we are either just friends and he needs to be okay with me moving on or we try again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sabrina,

      Im confused.. if you want him back why are you not building rapport? I think instead of asking or ensuring everthing, just do it. Just build rapport.. because take it like a restart. You wouldn’t ask your crush if he can assure you a relationship right? You’ll just build up rapport everytime you talk and meet.

  24. Jenny - 0

    Jenny

    I broke up with my bf week ago we been together for a year .. we broke up before Christmas but I tried to get back together with him again but he said he doesn’t want to be with me but after that we had sex we get back together for 2 weeks but he so mean to me .. I know that want to me me leave him coz he want to be alone for now he say he want to focus on his self right now … but I don’t understand why every time we meet he always ask me if I talk with any guy n I told him the truth I’m talking to a couple guy n he get jealous .. n every time i meet him he treat me very nice like our first date we had together .. I don’t understand why he does that I Don’t know what he thinking if I ask there is no reason we have to be apart just get back together but he said he doesn’t want to be with me … I want to get back together with him again this is my relationship I have n I’m older than him 4 years i’m 28 n he 24

    Reply
    • Jenny 35 - 0

      Jenny 35

      I mean 3 weeks ago

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jenny,

      That can mean he still has feelings, why did he break up with you? Are you going to do the no contact rule?

    • Jenny - 0

      Jenny

      We broke up coz we fought to mush n he said he get numb plus he want to focus on his life first.. but I ask him why he just can do it together I will support him but he said he Don’t want to .. n last time I was drunk n went to his place .. n he said he doesn’t want to be with me anymore ..even be friend he said he don’t want to deal with me on his life .. I will start do NC after we go to church together this Sunday .. do u think NC gonna help we get back together ?? N do u think whice one I should use 30 days 60 days or 90 days ??

    • Jenny - 0

      Jenny

      Plus after we broke up we still hang out every week but I’m the one who reach him out first ..coz I misses him so bad n I want him back to my life again .. he is my first relation I have

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it will help if you really use it to your advantage…stick to it, improve yourself and heal. Aim to be the ungettable girl..Do at least 30 days.

  25. Morgan - 0

    Morgan

    My ex recently told me that he wants to be with me but is unsure if getting back together is the best decision for us. He still says he loves me, acts the same as when we were together, etc. Does he actually want to be with me or is he just dragging me along?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Morgan,

      maybe he does want to, but if he can treat you the same way without commitment, then why would he commit?

  26. Sherisse - 0

    Sherisse

    My ex and I have been broken up since December 7th and that’s when I started no contact. I am too afraid of rejection so I have been hesitant to reinstate contact directly. However indirectly through my snapchat and other forms of social media I have been sending hints to him that I still love and care for him but I am making the steps necessary to move on. Just yesterday my ex has sent a mutual friend of ours to my job to inquire about my true feelings. In the process of catching up with our friend he brought up my ex. “How is work working with you to?” (By the way I work with my ex) I informed him that we do not talk and that we are civil to one another. Since I was still working I couldn’t finish talking to him so I sent a text “The sad thing is he messed up a lot in the relationship but I always forgiven him. If he was to come back I know I will welcome him with open arms. He knows whatever he chooses I will support him anvd not fight him on it. That’s why our break up talk was calm. It’s just right now I love him to much to be his friend. But I can be civil.” I sent that text knowing he would show my ex. Suddenly that night out of the blue my ex starts showing up in his snapchats to get my attention. Is this considered a warning sign?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sherisse,

      it’s too subtle to say that it’s a sign he wants you back..

    • Sherisse - 0

      Sherisse

      What should I make of him having his friend talk to me? And I should probably not keep looking into him driving past my house either.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s still a good sign, it means he’s curious

    • Sherisse - 0

      Sherisse

      Given my timidness due to fear of rejection, how would I push him to talk to me? Should I stop feeding him information on social media?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm actuallt you should use the no contact rule and social media to make hin regret through your improvementa and not chase..if it’s just subtle clues that you miss something that’s ok but if it’s so obvious, then you have to restart count.. And if you really don’t want to initiate contact, the best you can do is to set a limit on until when you would wait

  27. Mel - 0

    Mel

    First sorry for my english! 🙂
    So,I met a guy when i was 17 (now im 20)..
    We were studying togheter for a year , and we were seeing each other like once or twice a week in college.
    I loved him , and still love him.. hes my first love.
    And i guess he loved me too.. and i wish he still loves me if he loved me back then..
    He was a shy and quiet person. He was that kind of a person that you dont really understand what he think.. whats going on in his mind.. he never asked me out .. or something.. like we were seeing each other only in college..
    but im pretty sure he loved me, or at least liked me cause i saw some signs .. liked trying to touch me.. to sit next to me, if some other guy were talking to me he was in some kind of way.. and etc’ ..
    Ive always tried all that year to kind of be with him one on one, like just wanted to know him.. like even sitting and just talking.. you know.. and i never had a chance..
    by the way ,when im saying that “ive tried” it wasnt with actions.. it was more like tried from inside of my mind(like was getting crazy that “ask me out please!! Or say something that a man need to do” ), than in actions.. cause i didnt really knew how to do that.. cause first i wasnt sure that he liked me, cause yea i felt that he does , but , that voice inside of me were saying “yea.. whatever..”
    Like i really tried like a once or something to call a couple of friends from college, that it wouldnt be so obvious.. and that i will be more with him. And sometimes when i was with friends i was saying like lets go out someday! But we didnt go out..

    And so until one day, that day was weird ,in a good way.
    we were getting down the street to the bus station with friends.. and that friends before they were getting on the bus they were smiling and laughing about us being togheter in future and etc’,
    Before that day some girl just asked me if i have a boyfriend.. funny huh!?
    and then that moment that they went on the bus
    I stayed with him(though i could go on that bus too) and just asked him if he wants to had a walk with me to the metro .. he laughed and said that its too long to go there .. (it isbut who cares;)) and he said, lets go on the bus station above (i didnt care at all to going any bus station.. anywhere! And everywhere! Like i didnt even thought like why im going .. like its far for me )
    We were going to the bus station above, and then i found myself walking with him, we were having a long beautiful walk and he taked me to a park 🙂 i was sooo happy that im having a conversation with him.. that we are walking togheter .. and it was funnn!!
    And then we sit somewhere in the park and then we were sitting hugging each other (he had a nice trick, he tickled me ;)) and he said that he love me, i didnt say anything .cause i was really shy, i didnt even looked in his eyes when we were sitting hugging each other and talking ,
    and then we kissed!
    I was like.. finallyyyyy !! He do loves me too!
    After that .. the first week i was calling him everyday,once a day.. i just wanted to talk with him..(btw i didnt saw him All that week cause as i said i was seeing him only once or twice in college)
    He didnt call me at all , and i didnt really care.. but he was talking with me with fun..
    by the way,everytime i was calling him, i was asking him, if im bothering him.. like maybe he doing something and he cant talk , you know.. i didmt want to get on his nerves.. i dont know.. but i was kind of expecting that he wont say “yes youre bothering, call later” , though there is nothing wrong with that, but i didnt really had any experience.. like my experience was from movies , anyway ,he didnt say anything and we talk.

    But the end of the week, like always , asking him again “im bothering!?” And then he said “yea you can call later!?”
    And i get some attitude about that ,from stupid thing , that im asking by myself! but i said normally, “yes” , and ive tried to call later, wanted to talk with him, and on the side – expecting that maybe he wont answer, cause i dont want to bother … his phone was off.
    Day after i saw him in college(after all that week of not seeing him after the day we kissed) and i didnt talk with him, and he didnt talk too (btw we had an agreement of not saying anything to anyone in college, so he didnt really could understand that maybe something happend). End of that day in college, he called me, i was in class, i couldnt answer, then i saw friend of us, and asked him where is he, he said that he will come in a minute , hes in toilet, he came and i asked him in some kind of a tone “you called me, what you wanted!?” (How stupid am i?!?!? Getting angry about stupid thing, and getting an attitude about that.. like wtf!?!?!?) he said “i just wanted to know where are you”, i didnt say a word. We were going to the bus station.. then the bus came and i just went without saying any “bye” or something (rude). And after that, all that week, i didnt called him, he didnt call either.. and that week i had a lot of thoughts about not wanting to be with him… cause im because of that stupid, pathetic anger i was kind of out of that bubble of feelings that i had (at least thats what i tought that moment ) and for that thoughts , came more stronger thoughts, more like a fear. A fear of “wait im getting this year back to my country… i dont want to be with someone that i love, far from him.. i dont want to miss someone, and not be able to see him.. ” and i thought that if im being angry, it will keep me safe from thinking about him, and keep me from being sad .. and i had that fear.. and the fear made their moves. A bad move..
    i decide to “break up” (its funny that im saying break up, cause it wasnt that we were together that much .. ;)) and i remember i came to college , but i didnt had the courage to take him aside and talking with him about that..
    Then a couple days after or something, he answered to me on facebook ,on message that i wrote long time ago ( he wasnt using si much any kind of social media) and in some sarcastic way i wrote to him “thank you for answering after a 100year” . I didnt thought that he would say something about that(but im mean why not.. im acting in a stupid way.. hes not stupid, he understand) , and he said that i need to relax cause i didnt act in a beautiful way lately.. and then we started to argue
    And i saw a “chance” of “breaking up” and .. i did that in the most horrible way.. and he said that its not something that we need to talk about here.. (true) ..and i just didnt talk in a nice way.. like all this way of getting angry about stupid thing .. just it wasnt nice!
    I remember him , he was soo angry about me when i was seeing him in college.. and he never said a word to anyone about me.. and was acting like a man should be.. i remember seeing him and wondering “omg.. god, i love him,did i did a mistake??” But that fearrr .. that fear was soo strong that i didnt did anything and moved on that moment.. cause i knew that i will forget him right after i will go from here..
    But its bullshit.. cause i always wondered about all this.. all the time, like what happend .. why i acted liked that, what about him,. And anyway so much thoughts! But i really moved on
    Until now.. i still moved on and just everything normal i guess..

    I went back to my country, needed to go the army,then i didnt went to the army, and i was in my country for a year, and come back to college, starting my 2nd year.
    he needed to go the army too, here , and he was , for 2 years..and my second year in college here , was his 2nd year in army.. and in the 3rd year i shouldve seen him in college, But i didnt.

    My thoughts about him got stronger when i was expexting seeing him this year(cause you know he finished army, so he need to continue college.. thats my logic) like thinking about him everyday, cause 2 year has passed, he finished his army and i kind of expecting seeing him in college, continue his studies .. so i guess i was getting more exctied about that.
    But i didnt saw him in college.. and i wanted so much to talking with him.. that feeling was so strong , i wanted to send him a message.
    i started to read in the internet stories and how to do that in a good way.. and the thing is that that last 6months until that message i was thinking about him more than the last 2years.. i got myself really thinking more in a deep way, more in a mature way, cause in this years i was thinking about him a lot and wondering and etc’ ,but this 6months until the message , i thought more in a deep way, i tried to understand his side, maybe what he thought..

    I wanted to talk with him, And so i understand that i need an apology to him. and its a good way of starting the conversation.. like writing the important stuff and not getting the attention on me so much, getting the main reason of me writing to him..
    I do thought that he need an apology from me, but i didnt think about that as the only thing that i want from that message.. like i didnt really knew what i wanted by myself, but for the first thing, it was just talking with him.

    I wondered so much, if thats really what i want? If i need this in my life right now.. cause im studying, and this year im graduating my college, and going back to my country, and so many thoughts , that really looked the same thoughts that i had 2+ years ago.. but there is a different now that now im saying that if i will have someone that i like, i wont think so much, and not act like that at all.. of course i would think twice.. cause i still had a thing on that distance relationship , but will act more mature, and there will be communication.
    So , that moment, september 2016
    3rd year. I decided to write a message..and if after that message , we will be together or maybe we wont or whatever ,just lets try! And doing a step from a good feeling, and whatever will happend, im ok.
    I send him a messege about explaining a lot of stuff.. and of course apologized . And saying that he was my first love. And i loved him, love him, and will always love him , cause as people say ,you never forget the first love.

    And I said to myself, expect to the worse, maybe after that messaege he wont even answer, or will answer just “ok” or will be angry..
    he answered, later that day (i was so nervous that i wrote that and immediately didnt enter until next day, that checking maybe he answered.. and he did answer ,but i didnt get any messege on my phone, weird.)
    He said hi , i said hi.
    He said whats up.. and asked about me, if i went to the army, if im still studying there, and if im here, i said yes, he said that its not good.. and acted weird.. said that he know what im trying to do, i was like “what!? What im trying to do..” and that with what im thinking?! Im like.. i dont understand what you want.. i dont understand.. he said that he saw that i became more smarter girl.. And then he said that ” youre not interesting me anymore, its too late, i dont like that kind of stupid things that you did, and im wishing you Success in life ”
    I said “thank you, i think that is never too late.. but ok, thats what you think, and i understand, i wont say anything about that”
    He said “ok ,bye”
    I said “bye”
    And that it.

    I Still think about him.

    I have no idea if i want to be with him.. and if i will do any other step to make it, cause he said it clear that im not intersting him anymore, and maybe he just said that , and he didnt mean that, maybe he does ,i dont know. I just believe that if you want something you do that .. and he said that.. and i guess thats it.. but still i have a feeling (maybe more hoping i dont know) that if he saw me , he would be different .

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mel,

      I think it’s because in the letter, it was obvious that you’re still into him, and like how you started before, you were so crazy about him..
      I think you need to check this:
      The Ungettable Girl

  28. Amy - 0

    Amy

    Hi.
    I split up with my partner 6 months ago. We have 2 children together and have been together 12 years childhood sweethearts. Things got really bad over the last 2 years a lot of arguments and he doesn’t have a really good temper. It’s got to the point wherey family just don’t get on with him at all, he sees the lids every other weekend. When we first split up we was talking over the phone a lot but recently contact as died down quite a lot I have mixed emotions all the time sometimes I miss him like crazy and have a really bad week other times I feel ok. I get the impression he wants me to chase him bit I have been the one that’s done all the trying before so this time I refuse to do that, I’m finding it hard to understand how he really feels none of us are dating anyone or to my knowledge he isn’t. He got angry because he saw me on a dating website sent me some horrible txts, I get odd messages every now and then the last one when he was on a night out saying I’m your and yours only. The truth is I just can’t see my life without I’m not sure if that’s because we’ve been together so long and its all I’ve known or because I truly love him I don’t know what to do from here just carry on and get on with my life and see if nature brings us back together or what? Any advice

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amy,

      why not talk to him first?

    • Amy - 0

      Amy

      I just wouldn’t know what to say and I don’t want to be the one to chase after him as it as always been me that has tried and done the running. We split up once before for around 5 months and I let it be known to him I wanted him back he kept so too much had happened ext but then a few months down line he came an sed he wanted to try an that he wasn’t been fair towards me. I just don’t know what to do for best and it seems he has some changing to do before I would want to get back with him I’m also finding it hard coz him an my family can’t stand each other?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      then, do minimal contact..focus in healing and improving yourself and being more rational. And also, realistically, you have to keep in mind that people will change only if they want to and it will always be for themselves. That’s why you need to have standards, so that you know who and what can stay in your life.. Check this one:
      Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

  29. Emma - 0

    Emma

    My ex left me like 1 month ago and officially stop talking 3 weeks ago… we dated for 4 years but the las 2 were kind of weird ! I had to move out so it was a long distance relationship, I got busy with work so it wasn’t the same… he got a new job and now he works at home ! He left me saying he needs to focus on his work and school. He said he did not want a relationship right now, and he couldn’t be back with me anymore. He said he wanted to enjoy his life.. what got me confused is that he told me to please not to block him on social media, he wanted to contact me in the future, when he gets his life together , if I’m single still we may work in the future… that got me confused .. i don’t know what to do , I want to move on but I can’t at the same time. Miss him so much and I feel like I did not give my 100% in this relationship ! told him that and he told me it was too late … the idea of seeing him with someone else kills me …

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emma,

      do you want to try the no contact rule? you dont have to block him, if you are going to do so

  30. Kayleigh - 0

    Kayleigh

    My boyfriend and I dated for two years and two months. He broke it off with me for petty fighting and lack of communication. It will he two weeks tomorrow and I think out of all that I myself contacted him 3 times. I’ve had friends and family ask him how he’s.doing but I myself haven’t talked to him since January 17th. Now, he still has.my stuff and I’m not one bit concerned about it because I am trying the no contact rule and everyone is saying if it was done and over with and he wanted to move on, he would’ve dropped my stuff off in no time.

    Just wondering, if i keep this no contact going should I hear from.him at some point? He told one of my friends once things calm down and I pull myself together we need to discuss what needs to be. I just really want this to work.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kayleigh,

      it’s not a requirement that you should hear from him..what’s more important is that you improve during and after no contact perios

  31. Melania - 0

    Melania

    Hi!
    My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. We’ve been together for two months and the relationship was doing great, we didn’t fight about anything or have any misunderstandings, but maybe because the relationship was still pretty fresh he didn’t really admit officially to his group of friends that we’re dating. We broke up because when I was out at a party, his drunken friend, while we were standing alone talking (who didn’t know I was seeing anybody) has suddenly kissed me. It was a complete shock for me and I told the guy to leave me alone immediately (luckily no contact from him from that day), but I was afraid to tell about this situation to my boyfriend, who is a very jealous type, and I didn’t want to ruin his friendship with this guy as well. However, after two weeks, my boyfriend has found out about this situation from their mutual friend, and the guy who was drunk was telling the story that I was the one who kissed him and was flirting with him. My boyfriend at first believed in all of this, and even after me telling him my side of story he still decided that he has to break up with me, not because that other guy kissed me (which he admitted that was not my fault) but because I didn’t tell him about that. It didn’t change his mind knowing that I’ve been struggling with abuse from guys like that in my past. However, he is not a typical guy, he is a very stubborn and a narcissistic person, with a huge ego and a big want to control other people, so he had to be right with his decision. I was pretty devastated at the beginning, but applied the no contact rule. After a week from the breakup he wrote me a message saying that he feels sorry that it all happened so badly, but he honestly wishes me all the best. I just wrote him back that I wish him the same. For the next month he was still acting like he wanted to remain “friends”, liking my pictures on facebook, checking on my social media. I was living my life, gaining confidence and happiness, I did some daily updates on my instagram, about my work outs and new looks, but a few days ago I posted a pretty attractive selfie on snapchat, nothing too provocative, just in a new dress to feel myself. On the next day I posted a new profile picture on facebook, which he didn’t like (he usually liked all of them), but I thought that maybe he didn’t notice it. However, one of his male friends, whom I’ve met through my ex (and my ex knows that we like each other, but just as distant friends), liked my picture and wrote a funny comment under it. After that I knew that my ex could get jealous, but I didn’t think it would matter much, since for the last month he was acting like we’re keeping things casual. But my ex, who is pretty emotional went angry and unfollowed me on instagram, which was pretty upsetting for me, because even if I wasn’t to win him back I wanted to at least remain friends. I feel like he hates me for moving on, and I’ve noticed that now he is trying to show off that he is doing better than me and he doesn’t care about me. What should I do in this situation, and are there still any chances of getting back together, considering his ego, competitiveness and jealousy problems?
    Thanks for your help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Melania,

      you said he’s narcissistic,.so.you mean he got angry because you’re moving on and that he wants you to chase him?

  32. Jay - 0

    Jay

    Hi,
    My ex-boyfriend recently dumped me because he wanted time to mature as a person and focus on his studies and hockey because he is a junior league hockey player. Long distance was stressing him out and he thought I deserved better because he couldn’t be there for me when I needed him. When we broke up he wanted to remain as friends and we tried doing no contact for two weeks, but it didn’t work because we were inseparable and we clearly still had deep feelings for each other. Although we are both young, we are best friends; we can talk about anything and we can rely on each other when we need to.

    After 3 weeks, we still have remained friends just like he wanted to. I’m visiting him in February (after 9 months of long distance) as a ‘friend’ but it’s clear we are both emotionally attached. I’m not sure what he wants; to remain friends or to try our relationship again. What confuses me is that even though he is the one that ended things with me and wanted to be friends, he still calls me by the nickname he used to call me when we were dating and he would still give me a kiss through facetime like he used to when we were still together. I tell him that we can no longer do those things because we’re ‘friends’ but he sometimes says things like he misses me and that he loves me. What do I do? I want to get back with him because I still have feelings for him, but he ended things with me…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jay,

      the reason it’s advisable that the no contact period should be done right after the break up is because by human nature, he’s still used to having you in his life. So, the longer you don’t do it after the break up, the less it can help and the higher chances of you being friendzoned.

  33. Julie - 0

    Julie

    My ex and I were married with kids for almost 12 years. He left because he wanted freedom. We no longer live in the same state since the break up. I found out he started dating someone within two months of the break up. It’s been three years and he’s still with her but they don’t live together. He recently started contacting me again and said he only wants to be friends because he needs me. But we have had conversations with very heavy sexual content which he said just happened, and was the one that imitated it. I know his girlfriend is the rebound chick, but also, the grass was greener at the time chick as well. I think he secretly wants to get back with me but won’t even admit it to himself for fear of the problems we did have in our relationship in the past. I am not the same person I was then and I know it would be different now. I don’t want to waste my time and have him break my heart again even though he said he never stopped loving me. But what he hasn’t said is that he wants me back. How do know if this is even worth exploring?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Julie,

      you have kids, it’s inevitable that you would see each other. Let him invest more for you than you for him. If he’s being sexual, dont go too far. If he really wants to be back with you then let him work for it.

  34. Auly - 0

    Auly

    Hi Chris!
    The title suits to my situation but unfortunately my ex is the one who wants me back so bad. And i think this driving me crazy.

    Its been 2 years ago when we were dating. But only lasted a few months because he texted me every single minute while we always met each other at class. I felt bored already but i tried to be patient. Until one day, i was going to meet a foreign guy whom i have talked with before on the internet. He was visiting the city i worked in and offered me for a meet up. Personally and honestly, i never thought of this (foreign) guy to be my boyfriend because he’s typically a ‘quite’ guy and didn’t catch my attention at all. But since he lived in my country for 2 years, i’d really love to meet him. So, i told my (then) boyfriend that i would like to meet a friend and asked for a direction. He asked me every single questions about my friend and i answered it truthfully. He did tell me the directions but he also told the other people about me meeting a foreign guy (which is like a negativity in our culture). I was completely upset and ‘exploded’ until a few hours later i broke up with him. I also promised to myself that it was okay not meeting my friend, but i had to break up with him.

    A few days later, a co-worker said she would accompany me to see the foreign guy. And i still managed to see him, and he was so quite the entire conversation.

    A few months after breaking up, i still let my ex on my social medias to peek how am i doing on my personal life. But i caught him stalking my social media called Path where you could get a notification whenever somebody visited your profile. He wasn’t only visiting my profile but also giving ‘like’ to my posts of 1 year ago (when we’re still dating)! Thought i had enough about letting him know about my personal life, then i deleted him everywhere.

    2 years passed and my bestfriend from Uni told me he kept asking about me. Jokingly told my bestfriend he’s saving money to get married and when my bestfriend asked him with whom, he said he would wait for me first to get married. Which scares me more, what would happen if i still manage to be friends with him? And how do i completely disappear from him?

    If you could give me advices on how to avoid him, i might think twice before commiting suicide.

    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Auly,

      why are you afraid? And why are you going to be friends with him if you are going to avoid him?

  35. Maai - 0

    Maai

    Hey.
    Hey.
    Ummm.. I would be really glad, if you replied to this message.
    Well after the breakup my ex acted “crazy” you know like updating status and tagging many people saying he is very excited. We broke up on June. But the next month a friend of his who did a lot just to keep us together said hey via Facebook. I did not reply to him. Again in August this Friend of his again said hey to me via Facebook. I did not reply to him. After like two to three days his other friend tagged my ex with some girl in a post to make it official. But again his friend who said hey to me via fbto me talked via Instagram after like two weeks of that post which was updated by his other friend.
    This friend wished me as it was my birthday. I replied to him next day. Once i replied he said can we talk via Viber. I said I don’t use it. He said he was sorry for not replying to me when I texted to him during the break up time. And asked me whether I was mad at him. I said no and its ok. And he said he just wanted to wish me as my ex said its my birthday and said bye.
    After like 3 days I said I am sorry for being crazy weirdo and wished him luck for his o’level. He said it’s ok he understand and said thanks. Asked me what’s up and asked me whether I am dating. I said I am dating my subjects. And he asked me how’s me and whether I have moved on? I said I am good. And Ignored the move on question. He started talking his girlfriend that they broke up and eventually got back together after like week. I said yeah nice and things happenen for a good reason. And I said see iam mature? He said yeah you are and asked whether I broke up with my ex cause I am immature? I said no i don’t know. And started to tease me on topic about maturity of me. And said bye.
    The next day , the friend who tagged my ex and some girl , gave some likes on two instagrsm photo which I posted weeks ago. After like Weeks, since there was no news from my ex or his friends I send a photo of someone to the friend whom talked to me saying seems like his duplicate. When I sent that his first reply was is that my dad in law? I said no but , looks like you. He said it’s not him.
    Very recently his friend who tagged my ex with some girl wrote my ex and my together name as his nick in a post which he shared asking for his nick names. My ex even shared a post which says “maybe we will meet again and start all over”
    After like 2 to 3 days of this post of my ex, again the friend who talked to me said hey through instagrsm. I replied to it after like 6 hours. He started a conversation and said whether I use Viber? I said no. He said hows me and he broke up with his girlfriend. I said what’s with me that you and girlfriend broke up. He said he thoughts to text me as he thinks his girlfriend did to him what my ex did to him and asked me what happene d with me and ex for a break up? And whether I still want him back? I said I don’t know. For More information text my ex. He was like Tell him.
    When I did not answer that question, he changed the topic and said he can share anything with him now. I know he was referring “anything” to talk about my ex. Cause that Friend did alot to make us to be as a couple.
    So I answer ed why? Just to not show how needy I am. He replied cause he his single and can be there to text me. I said eww, no way. He said why did you say eww? I said what’s your aim of talking to me? He said he just want to text me cause I texted alot at the break up time with him. But won’t text me again cause I misunderstood.
    But later after some time I said sorry for being rude. He said I am assuming stuffs. The next day I said what’s up to him? He said nothing much and text him through viber if I want to talk to him cause this chat log is boring as hell. I said bye then.after like few days I sent a thumbs up to my ex accidentally. But no reply from him still. He still show off how chill life he is having by being very updated about his whereabouts on social network. He started being like this after our break up.
    And recently i said tell my ex that i miss my ex to his friend whom i talked. He said ok and changed his instagram id name and deleted his recent Post on instagram. After like a week , this friend of his changed his instagram id to his original name and replied heyy to me via instagram
    Well all of his tried alot to make us together since the beginning to the end.
    So do you think this friend would talk to me again and whether my ex and I would have a chance to be together? The post of that official thing is no more on facebook.
    We were together for 0a year and both of us are 16 years old.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maai,

      when was the last time you talked to that friend and when was the last time you talked to your ex? I think you should stop talking to that friend, it’s not helping you..

  36. Samantha - 0

    Samantha

    My bf And I broke up 3 months ago, we were together for a year. He has blocked me on everything but his friends tell me he talks about me all the time not in a good way though. He seems to have a lot of anger towards me and I’m not sure why. His friends tell me I’m still on his mind. I don’t understand what he’s trying to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Samantha,

      do you want to move or try again? Why did you break up? even if it has been months since the break up, if its not focused in improving yourself and in actively posting in social media, that’s not a no contact period

  37. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Hi, my boyfriend and I split up on Friday (4 days ago) we have been having a rough time of it lately & Friday was particularly bad. It seemed he’d been getting at me all day and I finally snapped and ordered him out of my car. I went back practically straight away but he refused to get in. I tried again and he told me to go f myself. I drove home & when he eventually got back he began packing his things. He said I’m a c-word, that he despises me & that he’d been kidding himself for the past few weeks that it could work. This has happened before and I usually beg him to stay or I beg him to come talk to me after. He literally took everything. He messaged me on Saturday around 5.30 asking if I was in & when I asked why he said he’d forgotten some things (jeans, dad’s hedge trimmer & small tv) I told him I’d take them to my mums for him as I couldn’t see him but he told me to keep the stuff. I messaged the next day apologising about my behaviour & he didn’t rePly. He messaged yesterday asking about a parcel that had been delivered &when I asked if he’d talk to me he said no, that he was done & that nothing would change his mind. I felt so upset I blocked him and deleted our messages. We were together just over 2years. Will he call or is it over?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      he’s not going to call if he’s annoyed.. are you going to try the no contact rule?

  38. Nicole - 0

    Nicole

    Hi y’all!
    So my bf broke up with me in Oct out of no where.
    I did all the mistakes, begging, stalking, pleading, calls and texts.
    I failed the NC twice.
    I am currently on it now.
    He has since then sent me random texts: a picture, and a really weird text.
    I didn’t respond.
    I have worked on myself since the breakup. I’m. working out, going out with friends, focusing on school.
    I got a new hair cut and even went on 5 dates.
    I feel really good and have come to terms with the breakup. I also realize that we may or may not get back together and I will be okay.
    I feel good now, no as emotional.
    I still miss him and love him.
    I asked him today for my stuff back.
    He got mad! I didn’t think he would be so upset.
    It’s been 2 months since the break up.
    He told me to fuck off and goodbye.
    Is this a good thing that he’s still angry?
    What should I do now?

    Thanks.
    Nicole

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nicole,

      How long was the relationship and how many days are you in the nc now?

    • Nicole - 0

      Nicole

      Hi Amor,

      We were together for 4 years.
      I am in 14 days no contact.
      I plan for nc till Feb.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ah, just 14 days.. yes, it can still be a good sign that he’s angry. It’s his way of trying to make you reply.

  39. Justine - 0

    Justine

    Boyfriend broke up with me on November 30. I’ve been trying to no contact rule but I saw him at the gym yesterday and caved. I asked him to come over and he said he would let me know. I sat there for 5 hours waiting for that to happen and he never texted or anything. I then find out he’s at a bar he hates with someone he isn’t necessarily fond of. Me being stupid, I texted him and let him know I’m there if he needs a ride to which no reply. I feel so stupid for thinking either of those would be a good idea and I’m not sure what to do. I have this note written out explaining how he hurt me and I just want to be friends, and frankly I’m kind of over the fact that we’re over. I know it’s probably best if I keep that note to myself right? I just feel the need to get it out that I deserve more respect than a no reply and an “I’ll let you know.”
    Please help 🙁

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Justine,

      yup, don’t give that note. That’s more chasing. If you want, restart the no contact rule. And really make it seem you’re moving on.

  40. Stephanie - 0

    Stephanie

    Hi.

    My ex ex cheated and left me for the girl he cheated on me with, unfortunately I can’t do the NC rule as we have 4 kids together(been together for almost 10 years). At first when he left he didn’t call or came to see the kids for 2-3 weeks and then he started calling and coming to see the kids and took them with him a few times which caused a lot of arguments because I didn’t want her around my kids because I felt like it’s not good for them right now as they’re having a very difficult time with the fact their dad is gone and he should give them the time to get over it before he brings them around her but he didn’t listen and did it anyway which caused a lot more problems with the kids who are obviously not happy to see their dad with someone else than mom but recently he agreed to come see them at the house(which really surprised me and thought it was strange of him since he’s so stubborn and only wants his way). Despite everything that happened and him cheating I kinda understand, he got laid off and money was a huge caused of stress for both of us which in turn caused a lot of arguments between us and I think he felt depressed and like he wasn’t good enough for me and the kids. I do still love him and yes I want him back and even though I couldn’t do the NC rule I never told him I wanted him back(however I think my kids might have told him a few things like I miss him and I wish he was home with us because everytime we have an argument he blurts out “I don’t want to be with you” and the last time he told me that I asked him why he always says that since it got nothing to do with the conversation and he didn’t say anything. Another thing I forgot to mention, after he left he was really nasty to me and acted as if I was the one who cheated and left him, he also kept denying she was his girlfriend and kept saying there was no relationship even though he knew that I knew she was living there sleeping in his bed, up until recently and he also talked to our kids about him not living with us anymore but he told them it was OUR decision(it wasn’t mine and I didn’t have any say about anything) and he also told my daughter he’s not coming home because mommy is mad at him after my daughter told him that mommy wish daddy was home. As for him being nasty it’s mainly when there’s people with him when we’re talking on the phone and he also act very impatient with me even though I’m being nice to him, also when he needs help with something he comes to me instead of asking his girlfriend which I told him many times it should be her doing it not me.. sorry for the long comment and I’m sure I forgot to mention other things that are important but please help I’m confused. Why is he acting like I’m the one who cheated and left and why would he be mad at me? Because when he left I didn’t beg for him to stay and told him I didn’t want him back? Another thing, when he’s using his phone to watch videos on YouTube he’s still using my account so when I went in “search” to type something I saw that he listened to the song “Life after you” so it makes me wonder could he be afraid to tell me he made a mistake and regret everything he’s done or he really don’t want to be with me? Because when he tells me he doesn’t want to be with me or he doesn’t care about me is only during arguments.

    Please help! Thank you
    Stephanie

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Stephanie,

      he probably relates you to negativity because of the arguments and he’s tired of it..he’s anger can be more of a defense mechanism or a way for him to still have a sense of power..

      You can still try nc, it will be limited..check this:

      Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

  41. Sasha - 0

    Sasha

    My ex of 4 years and 7 months broke up with me for cheating. I have to say, I never meant to do it, but I felt alone and weak. So it happened. We were on and off until I realized he had a girlfriend. I called him out and he cut all contact with me. I became obsessive. He tells me he wants a future with me, yet he gets with this chick instead? One night I went on a texting rampage and he responded with a hurtful but to an extent truthful message. To out it short, he’s hurting still. And he’s drinking himself to sleep. Fast forward to a few months later. I sent a friend to his door because I was afraid of being sent away. His family left a message suggesting I “get over it like he did” but he has yet to speak to me. I stopped talking to him a month from then. I decided to poke him on Facebook and he poked me back. This went on for a few days and then deleted my poke. I sent him a link with all of our Facebook history on it (the date we met, got engaged, photos everything) and he blocked me from messaging him. I noticed that he’ll block me from messaging him multiple times, but later on unblock me. What should I do? I’ve been planning to message him and say I won’t be chasing him anymore. I’ve been really hurting. Do I send the message? Why is he acting like this? Are these signs that he does want to keep in contact?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sasha,

      maybe he’s open on being friends.. If you’re going to restart the no contact rule, do 45 days and act as if you’re moving on..continue the routine you started during nc even after nc..

  42. Amber - 0

    Amber

    Ok so my ex and I broke up 5 years ago, he wants to get drinks/ dinner this Sunday when I said I might not be able to make it his response was “aww damnit” followed by “Id love to see you”. I dont know if hes lying, playing me, just wants a booty call or if I should go or bail….. I asked him where he wanted to meet he replied ill figure that out… I dont know what to think.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amber,

      did you really mean 5 years or 5 days?

  43. Beth - 0

    Beth

    My ex and I were together for 4 years. I haven’t moved on and I cry every night because I miss him. I don’t call him. I am very confused I don’t know what to do, my ex and Ibroke up 2 months ago, we haven’t talked since then. But during those 2 months he called me 3 times and they were late night calls telling me he missed me and that he doesn’t want me back but I know that was because he was hurt and trying to hurt me tooo. I never called him unless it concerned about our line together which I was getting off. Also other times he called was about him getting his bike back , which never happened. This happened twice. Barely last night he called me late night again telling me about a dream he had, ( That I was with anoher guy) then he asked me what time I am off of work I told him and he said he is off at 8 , that he wants to talk to me. I don’t know what to do, I am scared and sad . It will be the first time we sad eacother after the break up .

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi beth,

      why did you break up? Talk to him first, and then update us

  44. Sandy Acosta - 0

    Sandy Acosta

    Okay, so…..my bf broke up with me a week ago and went to move in with his mom but he still left some stuff in my room. I was so heart broken for the first 3 days after the break up. We been together for 2 years and a half. The fourth day he asked if he can come over to pick up his stuff, I said its okay but I’m not gonna be there since he has the keys I really don’t need to be there. He said he felt weird going there because of my family but I told him they don’t care. I did a mistake and stayed, he came and we ended up going to the movies, after that we came back in my room and he kissed me so it led to sex. When he left I got mad because he said it wasn’t suppose to happen and he still needs more time? The next day he said he forgot something and he wanted me to be there again with the same excuse that he feels weird if I’m not there. He cane by but this time we didn’t do anything except hug and he took me to Dennis to eat. Then I told him he needs to really get all his stuff out of my room because he can’t just be coming over like that! I told him I can’t see him and it makes it so hard for me to move on. He said true. I do want him back and i want to apply the NC rule but it’s so hard whenkeeps coming by for his things. What is going on with him!!! Also I don’t text him, he usually does but it’s to tell me he’s coming over for his stuff.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sandy,

      it’s ok to talk about his stuff but don’t go out with him to eat if you’re there when he’s getting his stuff and don’t reply if he texts for small talk. You should be focused in yourself, healing and improving during the no contact rule.

  45. Julie Sanders - 0

    Julie Sanders

    My boyfriend of 8 years just told me he needed space after a big argument. He left and is staying with a friend. He keeps wanting to talk and text everyday for the past 4 days since he left. I think we talk more now then during the relationship. He says he is still deciding what he wants to do, stay together or move on. Today he wants to meet in person. 1. Is that a good sign? 2. How much time should I give him to make up his mind? 3. Is he just leading me on with the constant talking so that I don’t drift while he is deciding? 4. Is the constant talking making the maybe pending break easier on him?

    Any insight would be helpful. This is a new area to me.

    TIA

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Julie,

      it’s just been days.. It’s normal that he’s still missing you. Go, and talk to him.. Try to talk about what you should do and not do to make the relationship work

  46. Sangeetha D - 0

    Sangeetha D

    Mine is a long distant relationship. We recently broke up. Let’s say I’m implementing this No contact rule. What if he thinks that I’m fine and moved on, and doesn’t call me again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sangeetha,

      so, do you mean he wants you to be sad for him to get back with you?

  47. Etta - 0

    Etta

    Hi. My ex of almost four months just broke up with me, because of, according to him, another woman he met during the same event we attended though on different days.
    However, during that phone call, he went completely left field by asking me “what is your favorite food” and what is your favorite wine”? Though I answered him, I kept wondering to myself what in the world has those things to do with anything.
    Anyway, during our relationship, his mother and I, because I’ve witnessed her controlling, manipulative behavior, had words and now he wants me to mend things between us, which I’m refusing to do. The last I heard from him was past Thursday evening, we talked about it, he asked when am I calling his mother, I gave him an off hand quick answer, he said he wanted me to call that day, I refused, telling him I was going out, getting ready to walk out the door. All of a sudden he barked “WHERE ARE YOU GOING!” I took offense that he has no right by asking ” Why are you questioning me? I never questioned you, etc.” He refuted by saying I never had to because he always told me which is true.
    Anyway, the next day Friday, I received 3 calls, no voicemail. One was his mother, at least her name popped up, the other two from him, again no voicemails. I refused to answer all three.
    Another thing. The day we broke up, he kept saying how he loves talking to me, he even asked me for my help for computer software. Are u kidding me or what I’m thinking. I feel he should turn to his new girlfriend for help, and if she doesn’t know then go elsewhere.
    Yet, I still do love him, and in love with him.
    I don’t understand his behavior. Two girlfriends feel he still cares for me. I don’t know.
    Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Etta,

      when did you break up? Do you want to try the no contact rule? I think he’s used to being “controlling” with you..

Join the Conversation: