When it comes to looking for signs that your ex wants you back I’m sure you’ve read a lot.

But, if you’re anything like me you’re probably left a little underwhelmed by what’s out there.

Often, I find that many of my peers make bold claims about “this or that” being a sign that an ex may want you back.

Unfortunately, they don’t have any type of proof to back up those claims.

I got tired of that so I decided to do some actual research and craft a guide that covered the actual signs that an ex wants you back.

And the best part is that this page is entirely predicated on real life examples of exes who have wanted their significant others back using my real coaching clients.

Are you ready?

The 7 Signs That Your Ex May Want You Back (Based On Real Life)

7 signs that your ex wants you back

As stated above, I wrote this guide with a clear goal in mind.

Every sign that I am about to talk to you about is based on the real life experience of someone who has gotten their exes back.

What’s even better is that I’m not just going to tell you the sign but I am going to provide proof so that you can see and many times hear from the person that experienced that sign.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Below are all of the signs that an ex wants you back,

  1. Dramatic mood swings from positive to negative and back to positive again
  2. They are very responsive to the first text after a period of no contact
  3. They want to rush the process
  4. They reach out to you more than you reach out to them
  5. They can use a form of reverse psychology
  6. They become very jealous
  7. They start wanting to plan ahead for the future

Lets take a moment and dive a little more in-depth on these signs.

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1. They Have Dramatic Mood Swings From Positive To Negative and Back To Positive Again

mood swings from positive to negative

Anyone who has read my book knows I talk about “the pendulum” a lot.

The Pendulum (in this context): Is basically when a human being moves from one end of the “emotion” spectrum to the other and repeats the process several times.

Sound familiar?

Not only do people suffering from a breakup experience this phenomenon but exes who actually want you back experience it as well.

In order to understand why we must first talk a little about the science of breakups and how the brain processes them.

(If you aren’t the “science” type don’t worry. I’m not either but I promise this is super interesting and important to know.)

A few years ago researchers studying the brain of individuals going through a breakup found something fascinating.

When we experience the loss of a romantic partner we may actually experience cravings for that person very similar to a drug addict looking for a fix.

In other words, if an ex is trying to get you back they will probably act erratically and display these crazy mood swings.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Ok, that’s all very well and good but where’s the proof?”

The Case Study Of Exes Who Displayed Crazy Mood Swings

So, the first case study that I’d like to introduce to you today is actually a series of case studies.

One of my favorite things that to do on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is interacting with people in our Private Facebook Group which you get an opportunity to gain access to with a purchase of my best selling book.

It’s really cool because not only do I get to help people on a more personal level but I also get a lot of great information about the psychology behind “wanting an ex back.”

This was really hit home during an interview I did with a success story out of thatย  very Facebook Group.

About 12 minutes into the interview you can see us talking about the hundreds (now thousands) of people in the group who are going through incredibly difficult times.

You’ll notice we were talking about this exact idea of the “pendulum swings” where a mood shifts from one end of the spectrum to the other and how common this behavior is.

Now, here’s the important thing to note.

Every single person in my Private Facebook Group wants their ex back.

Hence, my statement at the beginning of this section about this being a series of case studies.

2. They Are Very Responsive To The First Text After A Period Of No Contact

responsive after the first contact

This one might need a little explanation.

If you aren’t already familiar with what the no contact rule is I suggest you read my epic guide on it. It’s a bit long but in my opinion it’s the most comprehensive guide online right now.

But for those of you who want a quick crash course,

The No Contact Rule = A Period Of Time Where You Ignore Your Ex

Now, I don’t want to go too in depth on it here since this article is about looking at the signs an ex wants you back and not about the no contact rule but we are pretty darn fond of the no contact rule.

After all, it’s yielded an insane amount of success stories and is a strategy that is present in almost every one of our success stories.

It’s kind of a big deal.

So, where am I going with this?

Well, we’ve noticed that a lot of our clients’ exes are very responsive during the first contact they have with their ex after a period of no contact.

Almost as if to say,

“Thank god… they finally contacted me. I was worried they forgot about me forever.”

Now, it isn’t the “be all, end all” but it’s certainly significant enough to not ignore.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Was Super Responsive After A Period Of No Contact

For this one I’d like to bring in Jessy!

If you didn’t already know Jessy actually used our program to not only get her ex back but is now married to him.

She ended up agreeing to be interviewed by me so that I could see exactly what she did to win him back.

Well, after re-watching the interview I couldn’t help but notice that she yielded an amazing reaction to her first contact text message to him after the no contact rule.

Here’s the interview of us talking about it,

Notice how she talks about putting a lot of thought behind the text message that she sent to her ex and how she tapped into a happy memory.

Anyways, she sends the text and then has a meeting to go into at work and when she gets out of the meeting and looks at her phone she has a flood of text messages from him on her phone.

Bear in mind, that they get married a few months after this moment.

3. They want to rush the process

they want to rush the process

We live in the “now” age.

I’ve been recently watching Netflix’s “A Series of Unfortunate Events” which I’ll admit is aimed more towards kids than adults but I’m allowed to be a kid sometimes.

Anyways, there’s a character in the show that is obsessed with what’s “In” and what’s “Out.”

Basically, this character wants to be a part of all the “In” trends.

It’s funny to me because I am sure the author who wrote the books was making a commentary on how our society has become.

Not only are we so obsessed with what’s “IN” and “OUT” but after years of coaching individuals I believe we are also obsessed with “NOW.”

We want answers as soon as possible, right?

Before back in the Golden Age of the internet you used to have to perform a Google search on a big clunky computer.

Now we have all of these smart phones.

In other words, you can get answers sooner.

So, where am I going with this?

Well, if you find that your ex is trying to rush everything during the “courtship ritual” it might be a sign that they want you back.

the courtship ritual

Case Study Of Exes Who Rushed The Process

Can you do me a favor?

Can you take a look at this picture for me?

Now, without context this looks like a general success story and we have a lot of them scattered throughout this website.

But with context this success story can actually teach you something.

You see, this woman’s ex came back to her in record time. In fact, I think it might be the fastest success story we’ve ever had.

It’s pretty well known that it takes longer than 3 months to get an ex back if you are trying.

But this woman’s ex came back to her in days.

It was almost as if he was thinking,

“I’m just going to break up with her and move on with my life”

Only to immediately regret that decision and think,

“What have I done? I need to get her back as soon as possible.”

It’s a good sign if you see your ex consistently trying to rush the courtship ritual.

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4. They Reach Out To You More That You Reach Out To Them

they reach out to you more than you do to them

I think one of the things that sets Ex Boyfriend Recovery apart from some of our competitors is the fact that we encourage our clients to take detailed notes throughout the process.

In fact, there have been a lot of times where I have mentioned that it is a good idea to keep a tally of the amount of text messages your ex has sent to you and how many you have sent back.

We’ve even had some people on our Private Facebook Group (which you can gain access to through my best selling book) kick this idea into overdrive and detail everything.

We like recommending this since we feel sometimes some of the people we work with are too close to their situation to make impartial decisions.

However, if you map things out you can look at it from a very logical perspective and make the best decision without the blinders on.

Anyways, we noticed that as more and more of our clients started doing this the clients that tended to get their exes back were the ones with exes that reached out more to them than they reached out in return.

Interesting!

I feel a case study coming on.

The Case Study Of The Ex Who Can’t Stop Texting

I’m big on investment.

Now, just so we are clear I don’t mean investment from a monetary perspective. No, I’m talking about investment from a texting perspective.

It makes sense that an ex who texts you more than you text them is going to be more invested into a conversation than you, right?

Well, that was certainly the case for our client below,

I want you to notice how she started out kind of rough.

He wasn’t texting her at all so she had to text him first to open the lines of communication but once they were open…..

Watch out because he wouldn’t stop texting her.

This is a very good sign!

5. They Use A Form Of Reverse Psychology

they use reverse psychology

No one really talks about this one and if I am being totally honest I would have never guessed it was a sign an ex would exhibit if I wasn’t looking specifically for case studies.

And yet there it is.

Staring us all right in the face.

So, how does it work?

Well, in order to fully grasp this we have to understand how people tend to operate.

It’s my opinion that we are all gods in our own minds.

We all need to feel wanted and loved by our significant others to feel satisfaction with our relationships. But what happens when we think our significant other no longer wants or loves us?

Well, that’s when we start to try to do things gain that status back.

Some will fight or scream…

Others will become distant as if to say, “you need to prove yourself to me.”

And every once in a while you’ll get someone who decides to use reverse psychology. To attempt to make you feel as if they don’t love or want you anymore.

Of course, they do this with the full intention of trying to make you chase them.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Used Reverse Psychology

Like I said at the beginning of this particular sign. I wouldn’t even know this was a “sign” if it wasn’t for a case study.

It turns out that, that case study was an interview I did with Mary, a client who got her ex to unblock her and eventually beg for her back.

Around the 7 minute mark you’ll hear her talk about what happened when her ex reached out to her,

Her ex said some really interesting things to her,

“I need to bring your stuff back to you.”

“It looks like you’ve moved on.”

“Have a nice life”

Now, if you take all of these things at face value it appears as if her ex boyfriend was implying that she has moved on and that he was going to do the same.

Bear in mind, he really wants her back.

How do I know?

Because he literally told her he wanted her back AFTER THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER!

So, what is going on here?

Why would her ex say these things if they weren’t true?

It’s bait.

Consider the graphic below,

When you go fishing how do you catch a fish?

Do you just throw your fishing line into the water and hope for the best?

No, often you have to outfit the fishing line with some type of bait to attract a fish into biting.

Well, in Mary’s case her ex was using these reverse psychology statement to bait her into showing some type of interest. You see, she was following my advice and utilizing the no contact rule which taps into a psychological theory called reactance.

Reactance: When someones behavior freedoms get threatened they react in a way to try to get that freedom back

So, in Mary’s case by ignoring her ex by using the no contact rule it prompted a reaction from her ex to get that freedom of talking to her back.

It just so happened that, that reaction was reverse psychology.

6. They Become Very Jealous

This is a big sign that your ex wants you back and I don’t think it’s rocket science.

Jealousy almost always imply that feelings are involved.

Really, just sit for a moment and try to think of an example where jealousy doesn’t involve feelings of some type.

I’ll give you a few basic examples.

I grow jealous when my readers prefer another breakup expert over me.

Feelings Involved = “Why don’t you like me???”

I grow jealous when I look at pictures of my wife and her ex boyfriends from years ago.

Feelings Involved = “I’m just nuts ok…”

Here’s my point.

If you are going on a date after your breakup and you notice your ex starts exhibiting the signs of jealousy that may be a sign that he wants you back.

But the proof is in the pudding as they say so let’s look at a case study to prove this.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Became Jealous

Anyone who knows me really well knows I am a total nerd when it comes to Buffy The Vampire Slayer (don’t hate.)

Anyways, a few years ago, when I had first started my Private Facebook Group for my customers a member joined named Sarah Michelle. Of course, me being the Buffy fanatic I am I took to calling her “Buffy” after Sarah Michell Gellar who actually played Buffy

(I’m weird, I know.)

I'm weird

Anyways, the Sarah Michelle in our Private Facebook Group turned out to be a wiz when it came to making her ex want her back because not only did she get him back once but after he broke up with her again he came back once he saw she was dating someone new.

You can tell her hear the whole story in this interview I did with her,

I found it fascinating how after the second breakup her ex wanted nothing to do with her UNTIL she started dating someone new.

It’s almost like,

“Oh my goodness, someone else has her so I have to have her.”

This is jealousy at it’s finest.

And now that I think about it, it is also reactance at work.

7. They Start Wanting To Plan Ahead For The Future

they plan for the future

Throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery you might notice me talking about this concept of “future pacing.”

Sound familiar?

No?

Well, let me give you some context. Most of the clients that I work with are trying everything they can to get their exes back.

Therefore, a lot of what I try to teach them is how to naturally build an attraction with an individual and one of the best ways to do that is to “future pace” in a conversation.

This is where you imagine a potential future together with them.

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say you are talking to your ex and somewhere in a conversation with them you make this comment,

“Wouldn’t it be great to go to Paris?”

Upon hearing this your ex immediately imagines you and them together in Paris.

Even though this is all happening subconsciously your ex is reframing how they view you in their head.

Well, it turns out that “future pacing” works both way .

If your ex subtly slips in “potential futures” together that is a really good sign.

The Case Study Of The Ex Who Future Paced

I have a great case study for this one.

I draw a lot upon our Private Facebook Group but that tends to be where we have the most success stories happening because that’s where we spend most of our time interacting with our audience.

Also, I coach exclusively out of the Private Facebook Group so that’s where people tend to get the very best advice.

A few months ago my wife was working with a woman in the group and this woman was super disappointed with how the process was going.

In fact, at one point her ex went as far as saying,

“There’s no way that I’m ever going to get married.”

Pretty strong words…

Anyways, after a series of interesting events her ex ended up saying this to her last week,

“I’m never getting married… except maybe to you. I’d marry you.”

Do you see what happened there?

He essentially future paced the woman in our group.

He is imagining a future with his ex where they get married. Now, he didn’t say it outright but these things are never that cut and dry.

Often we operate in that grey area of the human psyche.

Here’s the point.

He says this to her and then ultimately gets back with her.

Sources And Citations

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2,853 thoughts on “7 Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back (Based On Case Studies)”

  1. Ana

    August 14, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    I do have one question. My boyfriend of 6 years moved out of my house 2 months ago and he has been living with someone else for the last 2 months and stringing me along. He was coming to see me every weekend and spending time with me and emailing me and texting me. I only found out about this other girl because of this past weekend he told me he was working 16 hours on Saturday and I was being a nice person and went to his work to take him lunch and found out he wasn’t working at all. So I pulled his call logs from his cell phone and found a phone number I thought was for the office he worked for and called it. I found out it was his new girlfriend that he is now living with. He was so angry with me he told me he didn’t love me anymore and that we were done. Is there still a chance that he does love me and that I can win him back. We have 6 years of good and bad times but mostly good. I still love this man with all my heart. And yes I have started the no contact rule I am on day 3.

    1. admin

      admin

      August 15, 2013 at 3:21 am

      I am sorry he did that to you Ana. That is a really dumb a** move in my opinion. I hate men like that.

      Stay in NC that is the best thing for you. But it is even more important that you improve and evolve during that time.

    2. Ana

      August 16, 2013 at 11:26 am

      I will say this no contact rule is really hard. I am on day number 5 and I am already missing him so much. I do everything I can to keep myself busy and I bury myself in my work but even then he creeps up into my mind. It has been so bad that I have now lost a total of 52 pounds in the last 2 1/2 months. I am working on getting back to me but I can’t help but to think that this is a rebound relationship for him. What do you think?

    3. admin

      admin

      August 17, 2013 at 3:10 am

      What does your gut tell you? Rebound or not?

    4. ana

      August 17, 2013 at 11:57 am

      I think its a rebound. He was telling me that after four months he loves her. But again he was furious with me when he is saying all of this. So it just seems like he just wanted to hurt me. My concern is that they have been living together for two months and seeing each other for only four months. This seems very fast. But I also think he did it cause he needed a place to live.

    5. admin

      admin

      August 18, 2013 at 4:03 am

      Then lets assume it is a rebound! YAY!

  2. Ana

    March 30, 2018 at 8:26 am

    I do have one question. My boyfriend of 6 years moved out of my house 2 months ago and he has been living with someone else for the last 2 months and stringing me along. He was coming to see me every weekend and spending time with me and emailing me and texting me. I only found out about this other girl because of this past weekend he told me he was working 16 hours on Saturday and I was being a nice person and went to his work to take him lunch and found out he wasn’t working at all. So I pulled his call logs from his cell phone and found a phone number I thought was for the office he worked for and called it. I found out it was his new girlfriend that he is now living with. He was so angry with me he told me he didn’t love me anymore and that we were done. Is there still a chance that he does love me and that I can win him back. We have 6 years of good and bad times but mostly good. I still love this man with all my heart. And yes I have started the no contact rule I am on day 3.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 8:44 am

      I am sorry he did that to you Ana. That is a really dumb a** move in my opinion. I hate men like that.

      Stay in NC that is the best thing for you. But it is even more important that you improve and evolve during that time.

    2. Ana

      March 30, 2018 at 9:15 am

      I will say this no contact rule is really hard. I am on day number 5 and I am already missing him so much. I do everything I can to keep myself busy and I bury myself in my work but even then he creeps up into my mind. It has been so bad that I have now lost a total of 52 pounds in the last 2 1/2 months. I am working on getting back to me but I can’t help but to think that this is a rebound relationship for him. What do you think?

    3. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 12:34 pm

      What does your gut tell you? Rebound or not?

    4. ana

      March 30, 2018 at 2:34 pm

      I think its a rebound. He was telling me that after four months he loves her. But again he was furious with me when he is saying all of this. So it just seems like he just wanted to hurt me. My concern is that they have been living together for two months and seeing each other for only four months. This seems very fast. But I also think he did it cause he needed a place to live.

    5. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 2:36 pm

      Then lets assume it is a rebound! YAY!

  3. annie

    August 12, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    after 35 days no contact my ex texted me: “we can civilly talk now” im so confused does he mean he wants closure? is this an attempt to reconcile?
    i messaged him a day after saying: “okay i agree” but what now?

    1. admin

      admin

      August 13, 2013 at 3:09 am

      The problem is that you are doing it on his terms. However, you agreed to it so maybe you just have a calm talk now.

  4. annie

    March 30, 2018 at 8:26 am

    after 35 days no contact my ex texted me: “we can civilly talk now” im so confused does he mean he wants closure? is this an attempt to reconcile?
    i messaged him a day after saying: “okay i agree” but what now?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:57 am

      The problem is that you are doing it on his terms. However, you agreed to it so maybe you just have a calm talk now.

  5. Amy

    August 10, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    I’ve been reading through your posts and I feel like I’m about to lose my mind from all of the questions I have. Here’s my story:

    My guy and I had been dating for 9 months. During that time we got a dog together, planned to move in together one day and spent all of our time texting and talking to one another. This summer, he started working with a bunch of old friends and an old flame from back in the day. Also during this summer, I started getting stressed out about money and the dog was tearing up my apartment and things were getting taken out on him. After we fought, we usually made up and things were back to normal and we seemed fine. Around July, he started only hanging out with his work friends, these two girls a year younger than me, eventually after a fight he declared he wanted a break and we spent almost two weeks going back and forth. He would do something kind like call me “honey” or “Dear” and then he would ignore my texts. I’d write him a little note (like I always did when we were dating) and he would tell me that despite being convinced that he wanted to break up, he wasn’t sure. Eventually he broke up with me. Saying he wasn’t sure what he wanted and he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship with me, someone else or to be single. On top of all of this, he was leaving for law school in a few weeks and apparently his family had been fighting. I, being desperate and still in love, tried calling, texting and trying to talk to him for a few days. I suggested we hang out, and he said he was going to a baseball game with his grandparents. Turns out his grandparents are a blonde girl that he had spent most of his time with during our “break”.
    Eventually it was revealed to me that he had moved on with her. He told me he’d spent all summer with her and hadn’t really meant for it to happen. He told me “it wasn’t like he stopped caring for me. Things changed.”
    I’m 90% sure this is a rebound. He’s leaving for another state in two weeks and she’d going south for school in a week. They never declared their relationship on FB and really just tweet to each other and go places on dates or whatever.
    We had a pretty good relationship up until this point, it just seems to be a reoccurring pattern when dating girls that he hooks up with this chick (He’d mentioned once that in previous relationships this had happened). He told me he was dating this girl for sure about two days after the break up. I insisted to him I was over him and had begun dating too. We agreed to be friends and then I heard nothing.
    Until a few days ago he texted me and asked if I was working so he could take this girl on a date to the place I work without feeling weird about everything. I called him out on it, being the stubborn person I am. I told him that friends don’t ask friends if they are working and make it clear what is happening. I kind of yelled at him for being such an asshole toward the end by toying with me and leading me on only to dump me for this girl and he never replied. A day later I asked him about my things on FB and he replied and I didn’t say a thing after that.
    I found your page a few hours later and I’m attempting the NC rule and I’m on day three.
    My main questions with this information would be:
    I want to see the dog and I can guarantee he is going to contact me after his new girlfriend has left, before he leaves for law school. This could be my only opportunity to see the dog for a very long time. IF I don’t speak to him until then, is it safe to use the minimal contact rule and just see if we can meet up and I can just get the dog for an afternoon?
    Is it possible that he might still be interested in me? He seemed so distracted with these girls once they came into the picture. He said when we broke up that he was just looking for a fun summer and he wasn’t getting that with me and that he was very confused right now.

    After seeing him and seeing the dog on one day, should I continue not to speak to him? What if he begins speaking to me like usual again? Should I continue to wait out the thirty days?

    I’m fairly confident he hadn’t physically cheated on me, only emotionally cheated on me so he could make his decision about the break-up and get with someone he saw as “fun”. I can give him the benefit of the doubt in this area as it is a definitely confusing time in his life and he obviously has no idea what he wants now that a million things are happening at once.
    I guess we have to wait and see, I just can’t let this relationship go because I know that if all of these things in both of our lives hadn’t hit us at a single time, so early in the relationship, we would have been fine.

    1. admin

      admin

      August 11, 2013 at 3:34 am

      I think for sure you can use MC to see the dog. And yes, after you see the dog go straight back into NC no matter what happens after that.

  6. Amy

    March 30, 2018 at 8:26 am

    I’ve been reading through your posts and I feel like I’m about to lose my mind from all of the questions I have. Here’s my story:

    My guy and I had been dating for 9 months. During that time we got a dog together, planned to move in together one day and spent all of our time texting and talking to one another. This summer, he started working with a bunch of old friends and an old flame from back in the day. Also during this summer, I started getting stressed out about money and the dog was tearing up my apartment and things were getting taken out on him. After we fought, we usually made up and things were back to normal and we seemed fine. Around July, he started only hanging out with his work friends, these two girls a year younger than me, eventually after a fight he declared he wanted a break and we spent almost two weeks going back and forth. He would do something kind like call me “honey” or “Dear” and then he would ignore my texts. I’d write him a little note (like I always did when we were dating) and he would tell me that despite being convinced that he wanted to break up, he wasn’t sure. Eventually he broke up with me. Saying he wasn’t sure what he wanted and he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship with me, someone else or to be single. On top of all of this, he was leaving for law school in a few weeks and apparently his family had been fighting. I, being desperate and still in love, tried calling, texting and trying to talk to him for a few days. I suggested we hang out, and he said he was going to a baseball game with his grandparents. Turns out his grandparents are a blonde girl that he had spent most of his time with during our “break”.
    Eventually it was revealed to me that he had moved on with her. He told me he’d spent all summer with her and hadn’t really meant for it to happen. He told me “it wasn’t like he stopped caring for me. Things changed.”
    I’m 90% sure this is a rebound. He’s leaving for another state in two weeks and she’d going south for school in a week. They never declared their relationship on FB and really just tweet to each other and go places on dates or whatever.
    We had a pretty good relationship up until this point, it just seems to be a reoccurring pattern when dating girls that he hooks up with this chick (He’d mentioned once that in previous relationships this had happened). He told me he was dating this girl for sure about two days after the break up. I insisted to him I was over him and had begun dating too. We agreed to be friends and then I heard nothing.
    Until a few days ago he texted me and asked if I was working so he could take this girl on a date to the place I work without feeling weird about everything. I called him out on it, being the stubborn person I am. I told him that friends don’t ask friends if they are working and make it clear what is happening. I kind of yelled at him for being such an asshole toward the end by toying with me and leading me on only to dump me for this girl and he never replied. A day later I asked him about my things on FB and he replied and I didn’t say a thing after that.
    I found your page a few hours later and I’m attempting the NC rule and I’m on day three.
    My main questions with this information would be:
    I want to see the dog and I can guarantee he is going to contact me after his new girlfriend has left, before he leaves for law school. This could be my only opportunity to see the dog for a very long time. IF I don’t speak to him until then, is it safe to use the minimal contact rule and just see if we can meet up and I can just get the dog for an afternoon?
    Is it possible that he might still be interested in me? He seemed so distracted with these girls once they came into the picture. He said when we broke up that he was just looking for a fun summer and he wasn’t getting that with me and that he was very confused right now.

    After seeing him and seeing the dog on one day, should I continue not to speak to him? What if he begins speaking to me like usual again? Should I continue to wait out the thirty days?

    I’m fairly confident he hadn’t physically cheated on me, only emotionally cheated on me so he could make his decision about the break-up and get with someone he saw as “fun”. I can give him the benefit of the doubt in this area as it is a definitely confusing time in his life and he obviously has no idea what he wants now that a million things are happening at once.
    I guess we have to wait and see, I just can’t let this relationship go because I know that if all of these things in both of our lives hadn’t hit us at a single time, so early in the relationship, we would have been fine.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:50 am

      I think for sure you can use MC to see the dog. And yes, after you see the dog go straight back into NC no matter what happens after that.

  7. lynn

    August 10, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    basically, we did the NC. he couldnt resist after 4days and i told him i accepted the break up and i want to move forward. i told him we can try to be friends atm and i kept the txting to a minimum. it going good then his moods changes cos he knows i have be occupying my time catching up with frens. he gets works up about what im doing after repeatedly telling me we broke up and he doesnt care (but get super batshit mad) about what i do. so why is he so mad if he doesnt care? is it so damn hard to say it or admit it? anyway, he thinks im out on dates with other men or partying like an idiot when im just out catching up with my friends. then he goes u were right we cant be friends ( when i meant that was when we just broke up cant be friends yet cos we needed time and space to get over each other and he refused – which i think he’s gotten the wrong idea of what i meant) that i drive him crazy and i blew the chance of us getting back together. so again he says he wants no contact till he comes back. this is utterly annoying cos he cant seem to make up his mind? does he want me back in his life or not or he cant simply handle that with or without him, life goes on. its hurts for me the most cos i got dumped for my past for whatever reason why and my job was a threat to the relationship cos my job involves in meeting new people everyday. i know what i want from all this – if he doesnt want to work it, i’d be fine being friends cos i value friendship and if he wants it, he’s gotta mean it cos im done being nice. so tell me, does he want me or not ? men are really complex.

    1. admin

      admin

      August 11, 2013 at 3:13 am

      Have you read my latest post? I attempt to break mens mindset down for you!

  8. lynn

    March 30, 2018 at 8:26 am

    basically, we did the NC. he couldnt resist after 4days and i told him i accepted the break up and i want to move forward. i told him we can try to be friends atm and i kept the txting to a minimum. it going good then his moods changes cos he knows i have be occupying my time catching up with frens. he gets works up about what im doing after repeatedly telling me we broke up and he doesnt care (but get super batshit mad) about what i do. so why is he so mad if he doesnt care? is it so damn hard to say it or admit it? anyway, he thinks im out on dates with other men or partying like an idiot when im just out catching up with my friends. then he goes u were right we cant be friends ( when i meant that was when we just broke up cant be friends yet cos we needed time and space to get over each other and he refused – which i think he’s gotten the wrong idea of what i meant) that i drive him crazy and i blew the chance of us getting back together. so again he says he wants no contact till he comes back. this is utterly annoying cos he cant seem to make up his mind? does he want me back in his life or not or he cant simply handle that with or without him, life goes on. its hurts for me the most cos i got dumped for my past for whatever reason why and my job was a threat to the relationship cos my job involves in meeting new people everyday. i know what i want from all this – if he doesnt want to work it, i’d be fine being friends cos i value friendship and if he wants it, he’s gotta mean it cos im done being nice. so tell me, does he want me or not ? men are really complex.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 12:03 pm

      Have you read my latest post? I attempt to break mens mindset down for you!

  9. Tatiana

    August 9, 2013 at 6:43 am

    I really appreciate your posts and all this useful information! I have a question though my boyfriend went back to his ex after dating for 8 months. I also found out that he broke up with his ex a month before we started dating. Would this not make me a rebound? We were going through hard times and he ended our relationship to go back to his ex. Is his ex now a rebound too since he went back to his ex just days after breaking up with me?

    1. admin

      admin

      August 10, 2013 at 2:42 am

      Rebounds here, rebounds there, rebounds everywhere…

      This is a pretty tricky situation. I think the answer lies in how long did you and your ex boyfriend date?

  10. Tatiana

    March 30, 2018 at 8:26 am

    I really appreciate your posts and all this useful information! I have a question though my boyfriend went back to his ex after dating for 8 months. I also found out that he broke up with his ex a month before we started dating. Would this not make me a rebound? We were going through hard times and he ended our relationship to go back to his ex. Is his ex now a rebound too since he went back to his ex just days after breaking up with me?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:50 am

      Rebounds here, rebounds there, rebounds everywhere…

      This is a pretty tricky situation. I think the answer lies in how long did you and your ex boyfriend date?

  11. Sonia

    August 8, 2013 at 7:28 am

    I’m so glad I found your site! I have it bookmarked ๐Ÿ™‚

    My ex BF let’s his anger out when chatting via IM. We broke up last May. No contact until Jan. He contacted me via IM. On and off chats- 2 months later etc. His exact words “Well I would have appreciated you more if I didn’t have so much resentment that you did not want to work to your full potential”

    I know didn’t give all that I had because 9 years– just waiting for him to pop the question. And me just becoming so co-dependent and fearful of losing him just made me not who I really was. It bothered me every time and never expressed it to him.

    He’s so vague at times.. but overall, he just lets his anger out on me for hurting him. Let’s not forget that it was a relationship- two people end up getting hurt not only one.

    So will this ‘resentment’ ever go away and rebuild our relationship?

    1. admin

      admin

      August 9, 2013 at 4:14 am

      It can go away with time for sure! I am actually working on finishing up an ebook that goes step by step in teaching you what men want and how to get them back. So, be on the lookout for that b/c I think it can really help you!

  12. Sonia

    March 30, 2018 at 8:26 am

    I’m so glad I found your site! I have it bookmarked ๐Ÿ™‚

    My ex BF let’s his anger out when chatting via IM. We broke up last May. No contact until Jan. He contacted me via IM. On and off chats- 2 months later etc. His exact words “Well I would have appreciated you more if I didn’t have so much resentment that you did not want to work to your full potential”

    I know didn’t give all that I had because 9 years– just waiting for him to pop the question. And me just becoming so co-dependent and fearful of losing him just made me not who I really was. It bothered me every time and never expressed it to him.

    He’s so vague at times.. but overall, he just lets his anger out on me for hurting him. Let’s not forget that it was a relationship- two people end up getting hurt not only one.

    So will this ‘resentment’ ever go away and rebuild our relationship?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:50 am

      It can go away with time for sure! I am actually working on finishing up an ebook that goes step by step in teaching you what men want and how to get them back. So, be on the lookout for that b/c I think it can really help you!

  13. Allie

    August 8, 2013 at 2:29 am

    Honey, if you can decode & explain what most men are thinking (& DOING) regarding relationships and breakups-inside of a YEAR, much less a week-you’d deserve both the Pulitzer Price AND the Nobel Prize in literature!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Other strange guy behaviors us SS’s (Seiter Sisters) are wondering:

    breaking through grudges

    Is the bigger the ego=the bigger the insecurity?
    Behaving the opposite of how they feel (longing/missing/loving but emotionally distant and pushing the girl away)

    How to reconnect after they are hurt

    Can they REALLY get a case of “the grass could be greener” or is that a myth?

    Do they ever really think “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone?”

    How do you keep them “chasing” you once you are in a relationship? or…how can we still be the UG once we have been “gotten?” (Long distance doesn’t help…)

    How do they behave if they feel guilty? Do they lash out in anger and project the blame onto the girl (I get that anger means he is still emotionally invested, but are there other reasons he sometimes behaves like a jerk & shifts blame?)

    How can he think that he can ever be happy by not being vulnerable to anyone or feeling numb? He says he felt that way since our breakup.

    And…(I don’t think this applies to me, but I’ve always wondered) is once a cheater always a cheater true?

    Wish I could chat with your girl friend that got back together with her baby daddy!! Wonder all the emotions she went through and logistical problems she dealt with all that time. ๐Ÿ™‚

    (no questions tonight…just thinking of the MANY confusing things boys say & do…can’t wait for your new guide!!!!)

    1. admin

      admin

      August 8, 2013 at 2:42 am

      I am working on a new guide right now. It is 6.5k words so far which is a lot (plan to get it around 8-10). I should have it up tomorrow or Friday. I didn’t answer all those new questions (I will tackle them slowly hahaha) but I did talk about “understanding your boyfriend.” I hope it is good enough for you!

      Oh, and I also finished my E-Book on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I am formatting it and going over it. I am excited to put that on the site!

    2. Allie

      August 8, 2013 at 5:26 am

      Wow! You’ve been a busy boy!! I can’t wait to read the masterpiece!! ๐Ÿ™‚ I know it will be outstanding. Everything else on your site has been great so far!! And the e-book, too!! I’ll have to cancel my Fri night date to read them both!! If only I HAD a Fri night date…haha! Thanks for all you do!

    3. admin

      admin

      August 9, 2013 at 4:08 am

      It’s live. I did the best I could! I feel I could have done better with it but the new “guide” is live. I am still finishing up the ebook though.

    4. Tracy

      August 19, 2013 at 10:36 am

      Hi. Where can I find this new ‘guide’
      Thanks

    5. admin

      admin

      August 20, 2013 at 3:48 am

      The Ebook? It will be coming out later this week.

  14. Allie

    March 30, 2018 at 1:22 am

    Honey, if you can decode & explain what most men are thinking (& DOING) regarding relationships and breakups-inside of a YEAR, much less a week-you’d deserve both the Pulitzer Price AND the Nobel Prize in literature!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Other strange guy behaviors us SS’s (Seiter Sisters) are wondering:

    breaking through grudges

    Is the bigger the ego=the bigger the insecurity?
    Behaving the opposite of how they feel (longing/missing/loving but emotionally distant and pushing the girl away)

    How to reconnect after they are hurt

    Can they REALLY get a case of “the grass could be greener” or is that a myth?

    Do they ever really think “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone?”

    How do you keep them “chasing” you once you are in a relationship? or…how can we still be the UG once we have been “gotten?” (Long distance doesn’t help…)

    How do they behave if they feel guilty? Do they lash out in anger and project the blame onto the girl (I get that anger means he is still emotionally invested, but are there other reasons he sometimes behaves like a jerk & shifts blame?)

    How can he think that he can ever be happy by not being vulnerable to anyone or feeling numb? He says he felt that way since our breakup.

    And…(I don’t think this applies to me, but I’ve always wondered) is once a cheater always a cheater true?

    Wish I could chat with your girl friend that got back together with her baby daddy!! Wonder all the emotions she went through and logistical problems she dealt with all that time. ๐Ÿ™‚

    (no questions tonight…just thinking of the MANY confusing things boys say & do…can’t wait for your new guide!!!!)

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 2:40 am

      I am working on a new guide right now. It is 6.5k words so far which is a lot (plan to get it around 8-10). I should have it up tomorrow or Friday. I didn’t answer all those new questions (I will tackle them slowly hahaha) but I did talk about “understanding your boyfriend.” I hope it is good enough for you!

      Oh, and I also finished my E-Book on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I am formatting it and going over it. I am excited to put that on the site!

    2. Allie

      March 30, 2018 at 8:25 am

      Wow! You’ve been a busy boy!! I can’t wait to read the masterpiece!! ๐Ÿ™‚ I know it will be outstanding. Everything else on your site has been great so far!! And the e-book, too!! I’ll have to cancel my Fri night date to read them both!! If only I HAD a Fri night date…haha! Thanks for all you do!

    3. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 11:47 am

      It’s live. I did the best I could! I feel I could have done better with it but the new “guide” is live. I am still finishing up the ebook though.

    4. Tracy

      March 30, 2018 at 12:34 pm

      Hi. Where can I find this new ‘guide’
      Thanks

    5. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 2:34 pm

      The Ebook? It will be coming out later this week.

  15. Laneesha

    August 6, 2013 at 11:53 am

    Question: I may be moving from DC to Baltimore by October. I end my NC on September 4th. Do you think that if we are 50 minutes away from another that it will be harder to reconnect? I mean we used to live 45 mins from one another for the first year of our relationship (we were together for another year after I moved closer to him)โ€ฆthanks!

    1. admin

      admin

      August 7, 2013 at 2:50 am

      I think it will be tougher but still achievable.

    2. Laneesha

      August 7, 2013 at 11:22 am

      Ok, thanks for the honesty.

  16. Laneesha

    March 30, 2018 at 1:22 am

    Question: I may be moving from DC to Baltimore by October. I end my NC on September 4th. Do you think that if we are 50 minutes away from another that it will be harder to reconnect? I mean we used to live 45 mins from one another for the first year of our relationship (we were together for another year after I moved closer to him)…thanks!

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 6:55 am

      I think it will be tougher but still achievable.

    2. Laneesha

      March 30, 2018 at 9:15 am

      Ok, thanks for the honesty.

  17. Olaryinkah

    August 3, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    A very big thanks 2 u google bc u’v really make me feel like a real lady again……dough I’m having issues with my boyfriend bc he hardly respect me in the presence of his friend or even else where so I need 2 let him go n now he is trying 2 come back for us 2 continue our relationship buh one thing dat baffles me now is that u said “I should let go a guy that abuses me physically or emotionally dough 2 say d fact I love this my so called ex but I do ignore him in NC period. So he called me now asking me 2 meet him on an outing this evening 4 us 2 discuss, I agreed inside me before but when I get through your site now made me understand this is not the right time 4 us being hanging out 4 discussion bc so far u said d more I make my self being uneasy 2 get back, the more value he thinks of me. I must say I really appreciate your concern towards relationship, once again well done n more so your words are very understandable even without stressing one self searching 4 dictionary 2 get the correction of some words. Keep it up. Yeah. Will appreciate if I can receive a reply from you. Thanks.

    1. admin

      admin

      August 4, 2013 at 3:03 am

      Thanks for the comment. Do you have a particular question I can help you with?

  18. Olaryinkah

    March 30, 2018 at 1:22 am

    A very big thanks 2 u google bc u’v really make me feel like a real lady again……dough I’m having issues with my boyfriend bc he hardly respect me in the presence of his friend or even else where so I need 2 let him go n now he is trying 2 come back for us 2 continue our relationship buh one thing dat baffles me now is that u said “I should let go a guy that abuses me physically or emotionally dough 2 say d fact I love this my so called ex but I do ignore him in NC period. So he called me now asking me 2 meet him on an outing this evening 4 us 2 discuss, I agreed inside me before but when I get through your site now made me understand this is not the right time 4 us being hanging out 4 discussion bc so far u said d more I make my self being uneasy 2 get back, the more value he thinks of me. I must say I really appreciate your concern towards relationship, once again well done n more so your words are very understandable even without stressing one self searching 4 dictionary 2 get the correction of some words. Keep it up. Yeah. Will appreciate if I can receive a reply from you. Thanks.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 5:27 am

      Thanks for the comment. Do you have a particular question I can help you with?

  19. Allie

    August 2, 2013 at 4:19 am

    DANGIT!!! Your posts are too short!! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I soak up every word and all the information & then “poof” it ends!! We want more! :0 I gotta catch some zzzs but I’ve got a few question to toss your way tomorrow. It makes me happy when I see new posts…I always learn something new. Tonight it was that men REALLY do have snakes in THEIR heads! It’s not just us chicks!! So that leads me to a topic “request…” What’s the deal with the guys emotions on a grander scale? For instance-do they behave the opposite of how they feel, lie to themselves about their feelings, really think they can have their cake & eat it, too, that *ยฃโ‚ฌ#}ยฅ EGO some have!! Does an overinflated, arrogant (narcissist-ish) & thinkin all the girls like him (like your gym buddy) really a coverup for being hurt or ashamed? A facade? He wasn’t that way with me until things started going downhill & we split. (He’d also gone through a nasty divorce & she moved away with the kids, I got pregnant…it’s our own little white trash soap opera!). Maybe men post divorce would be another good topic!! You’d think that “RUN FAR AWAY FROM HIM” would make the most sense, but it looks like some of my fellow Seiter sisters are in the same boat. Anyway…my ex went through a lot of major life changes in a short period of time & now just seems like he’s become a 15 year old jock trapped in a mans body. Ugh. Do they realize what they could be destroying in being an angry jerk? Seems that he lets his guard down just a little bit, catches himself & gets a little harsh & distant again. It’s almost like he spooks himself. We live hundreds of miles apart so that doesn’t help. Sunday will be 45 days of NC. I’m very proud of me!! Don’t fuss at me for it going a little longer…our breakup was in slow motion for about 6 months. We’d had a couple of brief periods of NC (which HE always broke). Our baby is still an infant & how much if any involvement he will have is the topic of our next convo. He was actually very sweet on the phone the last time we spoke. He had called me twice that week & texted once asking if I was just busy or had decided never to speak to him again. (I had been ignoring him but we had agreed to speak that week aboyt tge baby & i wanted to keep my word). Yay me! We spoke a couple days later (this was all towards the end of June). During that conversation, he asked if I hated him, he hates how everything worked out, there is still a lot between us and the only thing missing is the romantic connection but he doesn’t know how to get it back, Now he just feels numb he does not feel vulnerable to anyone, he doesn’t have an emotional attachment to anyone anymore and he likes it he won’t get hurt, etc (Sorry if it’s jumbly… I’m on the phone), He is never had the same feeling with any other woman either before or since me (never loved his ex wife, he started going on dates RIGHT after we officially broke up & has been plastered on the Swimfan stalker’s page but she’s not on his), He told me he doesn’t want to cut me out of his life. I asked him why not and he just quietly said “I just don’t.” He said that he still cares about me and wonders about me and of course about our son, and knows that he can’t just walk back into my life one day & has Worried all along he wouldn’t be able to get me back. He had said over & over that our son was our thread with each other, hopes that communicating about him & sharing him will spark those romantic feelings for him again, Wonders if we get out of the relationship limbo we have been in if that will help restart our connection, wants what I do but just feels numb now & doesn’t know how to fix out connection, etc. oooh!! He also commented the last time we spoke that before our last visit (mid June-I’d call that our face to face breakup) that I would’ve returned his calls or texts pretty quick. It got his attention when I didn’t job when he called and texted! If you look up the lyrics for Alabama by Cross Canadian Ragweed, It seems as if it was written about a couple who had broken up but were missing each other…or a long distance love. Anyway…he Told me that that song makes me think of me. It also mentions the town where we were going to be married and he remembered that. Or so he says… He told me 2 weeks after we broke up in April that I stayed on his mind and that he missed me and wanted back what we had, sent flowers for Mother’s Day, and then told me that he felt like I was the one that got away but he didn’t know how to fix what was broken, He hasn’t felt an emotional connection with any other woman at any time…he just wants easy & carefree right now, I would take the most dedication, commitment, loyalty, And he didn’t have it in him right now. He asked a couple of times why I put up with all of his crap, or that he hasn’t scared me off yet. I think I told him that I felt like what I had done all that I could do and it still didn’t work and I could hold my head high and know i tried my best & Could walk away. The girl I told you about in the other post is the one that would have wiped his butt if he had told her toโ€ฆ So she makes everything in his life easy for him. When we were getting off the phone last time, he said he would understand if I wanted to cut him out of my life but that was not what he wanted. He would leave it up to me to contact him whenever I wanted to talk & Wanted me to call even if it wasn’t about our son. Like I saidโ€ฆ Sunday will be six weeks. A big reason I’ve made it this long is that I am just truly exhausted from riding this crazy train. I’ve been trying to get less emotionalโ€ฆ Some days are better than others. And I have to take care of legal issues with the baby before we speak again. Wow-I wrote a lot!! So here are the specifics-

    Proposed topic in more depth if men’s emotions & how we are to interpret them, behaving opposite of feelings, pushing away the woman they most love bc he’s a big ol chicken, possibly warnings for women dating divorced men…

    What the crap is my ex thinking?? I’m the one that got away, I’m his biggest regret for not working out, yet he’s wanting to go date other chicks, or be at the house with no one to answer to/freedom from relationship responsibility (dude….we have a BABY). I am postulating that he wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side before jumping all in with me. That would suck for him.

    Why does it seem like he runs away, then runs back? He told me that he did still love me but it just was not the same as before . No relationship stays in the honeymoon forever. If he would quit sucking up attention from other chicks and focus on what is more special to him I’ll bet he would get it back really quickly. Big baby.

    He hasn’t contacted me during this NC-said he was leaving it up to me. (I send pics & info about baby to his mom & sis).
    -is he worried or REALLY angry now & being stubborn? Nervous I’m gone for good so he’s happy to swim along with Swimfan stalker? Is he checking his phone constantly looking for me to call? He has told me he’s going out with a couple of girls that remind him of me. And that he is looking for the connection that we had. It sucks hearing that but at least he’s honest and he’s comparing other women to me.

    -what will it take for him to hit rock bottom & become a vestige of the man he was before?

    Too tired to proofread…sorry! Thanks again SO much for this site. I can tell you put lots of work & effort into it. We want more posts!!!

    Goodnight from your Seiter sister!!

    1. admin

      admin

      August 2, 2013 at 6:58 am

      I love your comments. ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM! I loved this one in particular so much that I am doing something that I have never done before, I broke my routine for the first time ever.

      You see, my days lately working on this site usually consist of doing a couple of things.

      I wake up, have breakfast and either (continue writing an EPIC ebook that is almost 15k words thus far and I will have it to 20k by the end of the week) or I write a post for this site to keep the momentum going! Today I focused solely on writing this post and I actually felt I did a poor job. I wanted to bring a unique view but I felt I was just writing for the sake of writing but I am so pleased that you enjoyed it and soaked it up. It means I am doing my job well (make no mistake about it running this site has turned into a full time job that takes about 5 hours a day.)

      Anyways, the daily routine that you had me break is the comment moderation. You see, every single day I get close to 50 comments and between 20-30 emails that I have to answer personally. That may change in the future if this all becomes too big for me to handle but right now I think everyone deserves a response! I am very set in my ways about moderating comments and emails. It usually takes me an hour and a half and once I finish it (usually around 11 PM) I never turn back. I close up shop for the day because quite honestly it can be an exhausting experience.

      Of course, today was different. I got curious to see how many comments I had waiting for me for tomorrows moderation session and I saw your epic comment and quite honestly I enjoy you because you have become “emotionally invested” in what I am saying and I appreciate that you understand how much work I am putting into this. So, I read through your entire comment and boy let me say I can’t believe you typed that on a phone. I mean, my god!

      There was so much there that I am not sure I can get to it all but I will tell you one thing.

      You gave me an idea, and the last time I had an idea like this I took the time and wrote this.

      The idea I am having is this. Create a very long, in-depth guide about everything I know about breakups and the male perspective on them.

      Something like:

      “The Ultimate Guide To Understanding Your Boyfriend”

      Basically, everything that he is thinking. Now, I can only comment on my own personal knowledge on the subject so I may not answer everything that you are wondering b/c your ex may be a little different than me but usually when I go on these tirades about the “male mind” women get really interested. So, why not create something that focuses solely on that.

      Now for the stuff about your ex boyfriend. Hmm… I think I would like to tackle the “other girl” first. One thing that I do know about men is that without a doubt they will tire of someone like her. Someone who is willing to wipe their butt when they need it to be wiped with no questions asked. Maybe he likes it now, being able to have that kind of control over a girl but it will grow stale eventually. Everything you described about how your ex is acting points to him having feelings but being confused about what to do with them. It’s like all his eggs are in your basket but he isn’t there to collect them yet.

      It could be a phase where he is just finding himself. One of my best girl friends has a very similar story to yours. Her ex broke up with her while she was pregnant with his child. She implemented NC and he came running back. Things grew sour though, they began fighting a lot and it ended bad… really bad. Anyways, she moved on (but her heart was always with him) until one day after after a year had passed he called (and they reunited.) They are together as we speak to this day!

      In the end sometimes all it takes is just time for the ex to get his head together. The keyword here being “time.” I can give you the very best advice in the world, stuff that could position you perfectly but in the end nothing beats time and having an ex in the right frame of mind to want you back!

      Loooking at your situation I think your ex has those deep feelings about you BUT he isn’t in the right frame of mind yet. Of course, when you are ready to finally talk with him I think some good things can happen for you. Some really good things. Of course, I am always optimistic for my Seiter Sisters ๐Ÿ˜‰

    2. Allie

      August 13, 2013 at 7:28 pm

      CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! do you offer emergency service?!? (Haha). First…LOVED the guide you did & I literally CANNOT wait for the ebook!!! Second…I finally initiated contact after 7 weeks (last time we spoke he said he’d understand if I didn’t want to talk anymore & cut him out of my life& our son’s life, but it wasn’t what he wanted…was leaving contact up to me). So…I def got a positive response (told him I did want him involved with our son & we’d talk later about how to do that with 700 mi between us). I also shared pics & vids of the baby. Dang…can I just email the texts from him of interest for you to “interpret” as a dude? I may be reading too much into them & Swimfan is def still circling him. (I think you’d asked somewhere else if it was meant as an insult & if she got the joke. 96% sure it was an insult…my ex’s BFF started addressing her that way in her obnoxious, gooey, stalker like comments on my ex’s page. & BFF still adores me & was always my cheerleader. She asked him to clarify what he meant by Swimfan. He told her in the thread to Google Netflix, watch the movie. I didn’t know what that meant, either-I was around during Fatal Attraction. So…anyone looking at that thread could find out!! Then she called him an a. Hole in the thread. How long until my ex gets TIRED of her?? It now appears that his hobbies have become hers. There are some FB pics of the 2 of them together. She ALWAYS comments about loving him, missing him, blah, blah, blah…he never likes or comments in return.). I need help!! I’m not prepared to respond & I’ve read all your stuff. I’m a big ol chicken!!!

    3. admin

      admin

      August 14, 2013 at 2:41 am

      Just email the responses to me!

    4. admin

      admin

      August 2, 2013 at 6:59 am

      P.S. The Ultimate Guide To Understanding Your Boyfriend… I will try to get it done in a week but honestly I think it will take a while b/c there is A LOT to go through.

  20. Allie

    March 30, 2018 at 1:22 am

    DANGIT!!! Your posts are too short!! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I soak up every word and all the information & then “poof” it ends!! We want more! :0 I gotta catch some zzzs but I’ve got a few question to toss your way tomorrow. It makes me happy when I see new posts…I always learn something new. Tonight it was that men REALLY do have snakes in THEIR heads! It’s not just us chicks!! So that leads me to a topic “request…” What’s the deal with the guys emotions on a grander scale? For instance-do they behave the opposite of how they feel, lie to themselves about their feelings, really think they can have their cake & eat it, too, that *£€#}¥ EGO some have!! Does an overinflated, arrogant (narcissist-ish) & thinkin all the girls like him (like your gym buddy) really a coverup for being hurt or ashamed? A facade? He wasn’t that way with me until things started going downhill & we split. (He’d also gone through a nasty divorce & she moved away with the kids, I got pregnant…it’s our own little white trash soap opera!). Maybe men post divorce would be another good topic!! You’d think that “RUN FAR AWAY FROM HIM” would make the most sense, but it looks like some of my fellow Seiter sisters are in the same boat. Anyway…my ex went through a lot of major life changes in a short period of time & now just seems like he’s become a 15 year old jock trapped in a mans body. Ugh. Do they realize what they could be destroying in being an angry jerk? Seems that he lets his guard down just a little bit, catches himself & gets a little harsh & distant again. It’s almost like he spooks himself. We live hundreds of miles apart so that doesn’t help. Sunday will be 45 days of NC. I’m very proud of me!! Don’t fuss at me for it going a little longer…our breakup was in slow motion for about 6 months. We’d had a couple of brief periods of NC (which HE always broke). Our baby is still an infant & how much if any involvement he will have is the topic of our next convo. He was actually very sweet on the phone the last time we spoke. He had called me twice that week & texted once asking if I was just busy or had decided never to speak to him again. (I had been ignoring him but we had agreed to speak that week aboyt tge baby & i wanted to keep my word). Yay me! We spoke a couple days later (this was all towards the end of June). During that conversation, he asked if I hated him, he hates how everything worked out, there is still a lot between us and the only thing missing is the romantic connection but he doesn’t know how to get it back, Now he just feels numb he does not feel vulnerable to anyone, he doesn’t have an emotional attachment to anyone anymore and he likes it he won’t get hurt, etc (Sorry if it’s jumbly… I’m on the phone), He is never had the same feeling with any other woman either before or since me (never loved his ex wife, he started going on dates RIGHT after we officially broke up & has been plastered on the Swimfan stalker’s page but she’s not on his), He told me he doesn’t want to cut me out of his life. I asked him why not and he just quietly said “I just don’t.” He said that he still cares about me and wonders about me and of course about our son, and knows that he can’t just walk back into my life one day & has Worried all along he wouldn’t be able to get me back. He had said over & over that our son was our thread with each other, hopes that communicating about him & sharing him will spark those romantic feelings for him again, Wonders if we get out of the relationship limbo we have been in if that will help restart our connection, wants what I do but just feels numb now & doesn’t know how to fix out connection, etc. oooh!! He also commented the last time we spoke that before our last visit (mid June-I’d call that our face to face breakup) that I would’ve returned his calls or texts pretty quick. It got his attention when I didn’t job when he called and texted! If you look up the lyrics for Alabama by Cross Canadian Ragweed, It seems as if it was written about a couple who had broken up but were missing each other…or a long distance love. Anyway…he Told me that that song makes me think of me. It also mentions the town where we were going to be married and he remembered that. Or so he says… He told me 2 weeks after we broke up in April that I stayed on his mind and that he missed me and wanted back what we had, sent flowers for Mother’s Day, and then told me that he felt like I was the one that got away but he didn’t know how to fix what was broken, He hasn’t felt an emotional connection with any other woman at any time…he just wants easy & carefree right now, I would take the most dedication, commitment, loyalty, And he didn’t have it in him right now. He asked a couple of times why I put up with all of his crap, or that he hasn’t scared me off yet. I think I told him that I felt like what I had done all that I could do and it still didn’t work and I could hold my head high and know i tried my best & Could walk away. The girl I told you about in the other post is the one that would have wiped his butt if he had told her to… So she makes everything in his life easy for him. When we were getting off the phone last time, he said he would understand if I wanted to cut him out of my life but that was not what he wanted. He would leave it up to me to contact him whenever I wanted to talk & Wanted me to call even if it wasn’t about our son. Like I said… Sunday will be six weeks. A big reason I’ve made it this long is that I am just truly exhausted from riding this crazy train. I’ve been trying to get less emotional… Some days are better than others. And I have to take care of legal issues with the baby before we speak again. Wow-I wrote a lot!! So here are the specifics-

    Proposed topic in more depth if men’s emotions & how we are to interpret them, behaving opposite of feelings, pushing away the woman they most love bc he’s a big ol chicken, possibly warnings for women dating divorced men…

    What the crap is my ex thinking?? I’m the one that got away, I’m his biggest regret for not working out, yet he’s wanting to go date other chicks, or be at the house with no one to answer to/freedom from relationship responsibility (dude….we have a BABY). I am postulating that he wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side before jumping all in with me. That would suck for him.

    Why does it seem like he runs away, then runs back? He told me that he did still love me but it just was not the same as before . No relationship stays in the honeymoon forever. If he would quit sucking up attention from other chicks and focus on what is more special to him I’ll bet he would get it back really quickly. Big baby.

    He hasn’t contacted me during this NC-said he was leaving it up to me. (I send pics & info about baby to his mom & sis).
    -is he worried or REALLY angry now & being stubborn? Nervous I’m gone for good so he’s happy to swim along with Swimfan stalker? Is he checking his phone constantly looking for me to call? He has told me he’s going out with a couple of girls that remind him of me. And that he is looking for the connection that we had. It sucks hearing that but at least he’s honest and he’s comparing other women to me.

    -what will it take for him to hit rock bottom & become a vestige of the man he was before?

    Too tired to proofread…sorry! Thanks again SO much for this site. I can tell you put lots of work & effort into it. We want more posts!!!

    Goodnight from your Seiter sister!!

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 2:40 am

      I love your comments. ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM! I loved this one in particular so much that I am doing something that I have never done before, I broke my routine for the first time ever.

      You see, my days lately working on this site usually consist of doing a couple of things.

      I wake up, have breakfast and either (continue writing an EPIC ebook that is almost 15k words thus far and I will have it to 20k by the end of the week) or I write a post for this site to keep the momentum going! Today I focused solely on writing this post and I actually felt I did a poor job. I wanted to bring a unique view but I felt I was just writing for the sake of writing but I am so pleased that you enjoyed it and soaked it up. It means I am doing my job well (make no mistake about it running this site has turned into a full time job that takes about 5 hours a day.)

      Anyways, the daily routine that you had me break is the comment moderation. You see, every single day I get close to 50 comments and between 20-30 emails that I have to answer personally. That may change in the future if this all becomes too big for me to handle but right now I think everyone deserves a response! I am very set in my ways about moderating comments and emails. It usually takes me an hour and a half and once I finish it (usually around 11 PM) I never turn back. I close up shop for the day because quite honestly it can be an exhausting experience.

      Of course, today was different. I got curious to see how many comments I had waiting for me for tomorrows moderation session and I saw your epic comment and quite honestly I enjoy you because you have become “emotionally invested” in what I am saying and I appreciate that you understand how much work I am putting into this. So, I read through your entire comment and boy let me say I can’t believe you typed that on a phone. I mean, my god!

      There was so much there that I am not sure I can get to it all but I will tell you one thing.

      You gave me an idea, and the last time I had an idea like this I took the time and wrote this.

      The idea I am having is this. Create a very long, in-depth guide about everything I know about breakups and the male perspective on them.

      Something like:

      “The Ultimate Guide To Understanding Your Boyfriend”

      Basically, everything that he is thinking. Now, I can only comment on my own personal knowledge on the subject so I may not answer everything that you are wondering b/c your ex may be a little different than me but usually when I go on these tirades about the “male mind” women get really interested. So, why not create something that focuses solely on that.

      Now for the stuff about your ex boyfriend. Hmm… I think I would like to tackle the “other girl” first. One thing that I do know about men is that without a doubt they will tire of someone like her. Someone who is willing to wipe their butt when they need it to be wiped with no questions asked. Maybe he likes it now, being able to have that kind of control over a girl but it will grow stale eventually. Everything you described about how your ex is acting points to him having feelings but being confused about what to do with them. It’s like all his eggs are in your basket but he isn’t there to collect them yet.

      It could be a phase where he is just finding himself. One of my best girl friends has a very similar story to yours. Her ex broke up with her while she was pregnant with his child. She implemented NC and he came running back. Things grew sour though, they began fighting a lot and it ended bad… really bad. Anyways, she moved on (but her heart was always with him) until one day after after a year had passed he called (and they reunited.) They are together as we speak to this day!

      In the end sometimes all it takes is just time for the ex to get his head together. The keyword here being “time.” I can give you the very best advice in the world, stuff that could position you perfectly but in the end nothing beats time and having an ex in the right frame of mind to want you back!

      Loooking at your situation I think your ex has those deep feelings about you BUT he isn’t in the right frame of mind yet. Of course, when you are ready to finally talk with him I think some good things can happen for you. Some really good things. Of course, I am always optimistic for my Seiter Sisters ๐Ÿ˜‰

    2. Allie

      March 30, 2018 at 12:03 pm

      CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! do you offer emergency service?!? (Haha). First…LOVED the guide you did & I literally CANNOT wait for the ebook!!! Second…I finally initiated contact after 7 weeks (last time we spoke he said he’d understand if I didn’t want to talk anymore & cut him out of my life& our son’s life, but it wasn’t what he wanted…was leaving contact up to me). So…I def got a positive response (told him I did want him involved with our son & we’d talk later about how to do that with 700 mi between us). I also shared pics & vids of the baby. Dang…can I just email the texts from him of interest for you to “interpret” as a dude? I may be reading too much into them & Swimfan is def still circling him. (I think you’d asked somewhere else if it was meant as an insult & if she got the joke. 96% sure it was an insult…my ex’s BFF started addressing her that way in her obnoxious, gooey, stalker like comments on my ex’s page. & BFF still adores me & was always my cheerleader. She asked him to clarify what he meant by Swimfan. He told her in the thread to Google Netflix, watch the movie. I didn’t know what that meant, either-I was around during Fatal Attraction. So…anyone looking at that thread could find out!! Then she called him an a. Hole in the thread. How long until my ex gets TIRED of her?? It now appears that his hobbies have become hers. There are some FB pics of the 2 of them together. She ALWAYS comments about loving him, missing him, blah, blah, blah…he never likes or comments in return.). I need help!! I’m not prepared to respond & I’ve read all your stuff. I’m a big ol chicken!!!

    3. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 12:32 pm

      Just email the responses to me!

    4. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 5:27 am

      P.S. The Ultimate Guide To Understanding Your Boyfriend… I will try to get it done in a week but honestly I think it will take a while b/c there is A LOT to go through.

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