When it comes to looking for signs that your ex wants you back I’m sure you’ve read a lot.

But, if you’re anything like me you’re probably left a little underwhelmed by what’s out there.

Often, I find that many of my peers make bold claims about “this or that” being a sign that an ex may want you back.

Unfortunately, they don’t have any type of proof to back up those claims.

I got tired of that so I decided to do some actual research and craft a guide that covered the actual signs that an ex wants you back.

And the best part is that this page is entirely predicated on real life examples of exes who have wanted their significant others back using my real coaching clients.

Are you ready?

The 7 Signs That Your Ex May Want You Back (Based On Real Life)

7 signs that your ex wants you back

As stated above, I wrote this guide with a clear goal in mind.

Every sign that I am about to talk to you about is based on the real life experience of someone who has gotten their exes back.

What’s even better is that I’m not just going to tell you the sign but I am going to provide proof so that you can see and many times hear from the person that experienced that sign.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Below are all of the signs that an ex wants you back,

  1. Dramatic mood swings from positive to negative and back to positive again
  2. They are very responsive to the first text after a period of no contact
  3. They want to rush the process
  4. They reach out to you more than you reach out to them
  5. They can use a form of reverse psychology
  6. They become very jealous
  7. They start wanting to plan ahead for the future

Lets take a moment and dive a little more in-depth on these signs.

1. They Have Dramatic Mood Swings From Positive To Negative and Back To Positive Again

mood swings from positive to negative

Anyone who has read my book knows I talk about “the pendulum” a lot.

The Pendulum (in this context): Is basically when a human being moves from one end of the “emotion” spectrum to the other and repeats the process several times.

Sound familiar?

Not only do people suffering from a breakup experience this phenomenon but exes who actually want you back experience it as well.

In order to understand why we must first talk a little about the science of breakups and how the brain processes them.

(If you aren’t the “science” type don’t worry. I’m not either but I promise this is super interesting and important to know.)

A few years ago researchers studying the brain of individuals going through a breakup found something fascinating.

When we experience the loss of a romantic partner we may actually experience cravings for that person very similar to a drug addict looking for a fix.

In other words, if an ex is trying to get you back they will probably act erratically and display these crazy mood swings.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Ok, that’s all very well and good but where’s the proof?”

The Case Study Of Exes Who Displayed Crazy Mood Swings

So, the first case study that I’d like to introduce to you today is actually a series of case studies.

One of my favorite things that to do on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is interacting with people in our Private Facebook Group which you get an opportunity to gain access to with a purchase of my best selling book.

It’s really cool because not only do I get to help people on a more personal level but I also get a lot of great information about the psychology behind “wanting an ex back.”

This was really hit home during an interview I did with a success story out of that  very Facebook Group.

About 12 minutes into the interview you can see us talking about the hundreds (now thousands) of people in the group who are going through incredibly difficult times.

You’ll notice we were talking about this exact idea of the “pendulum swings” where a mood shifts from one end of the spectrum to the other and how common this behavior is.

Now, here’s the important thing to note.

Every single person in my Private Facebook Group wants their ex back.

Hence, my statement at the beginning of this section about this being a series of case studies.

2. They Are Very Responsive To The First Text After A Period Of No Contact

responsive after the first contact

This one might need a little explanation.

If you aren’t already familiar with what the no contact rule is I suggest you read my epic guide on it. It’s a bit long but in my opinion it’s the most comprehensive guide online right now.

But for those of you who want a quick crash course,

The No Contact Rule = A Period Of Time Where You Ignore Your Ex

Now, I don’t want to go too in depth on it here since this article is about looking at the signs an ex wants you back and not about the no contact rule but we are pretty darn fond of the no contact rule.

After all, it’s yielded an insane amount of success stories and is a strategy that is present in almost every one of our success stories.

It’s kind of a big deal.

So, where am I going with this?

Well, we’ve noticed that a lot of our clients’ exes are very responsive during the first contact they have with their ex after a period of no contact.

Almost as if to say,

“Thank god… they finally contacted me. I was worried they forgot about me forever.”

Now, it isn’t the “be all, end all” but it’s certainly significant enough to not ignore.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Was Super Responsive After A Period Of No Contact

For this one I’d like to bring in Jessy!

If you didn’t already know Jessy actually used our program to not only get her ex back but is now married to him.

She ended up agreeing to be interviewed by me so that I could see exactly what she did to win him back.

Well, after re-watching the interview I couldn’t help but notice that she yielded an amazing reaction to her first contact text message to him after the no contact rule.

Here’s the interview of us talking about it,

Notice how she talks about putting a lot of thought behind the text message that she sent to her ex and how she tapped into a happy memory.

Anyways, she sends the text and then has a meeting to go into at work and when she gets out of the meeting and looks at her phone she has a flood of text messages from him on her phone.

Bear in mind, that they get married a few months after this moment.

3. They want to rush the process

they want to rush the process

We live in the “now” age.

I’ve been recently watching Netflix’s “A Series of Unfortunate Events” which I’ll admit is aimed more towards kids than adults but I’m allowed to be a kid sometimes.

Anyways, there’s a character in the show that is obsessed with what’s “In” and what’s “Out.”

Basically, this character wants to be a part of all the “In” trends.

It’s funny to me because I am sure the author who wrote the books was making a commentary on how our society has become.

Not only are we so obsessed with what’s “IN” and “OUT” but after years of coaching individuals I believe we are also obsessed with “NOW.”

We want answers as soon as possible, right?

Before back in the Golden Age of the internet you used to have to perform a Google search on a big clunky computer.

Now we have all of these smart phones.

In other words, you can get answers sooner.

So, where am I going with this?

Well, if you find that your ex is trying to rush everything during the “courtship ritual” it might be a sign that they want you back.

the courtship ritual

Case Study Of Exes Who Rushed The Process

Can you do me a favor?

Can you take a look at this picture for me?

Now, without context this looks like a general success story and we have a lot of them scattered throughout this website.

But with context this success story can actually teach you something.

You see, this woman’s ex came back to her in record time. In fact, I think it might be the fastest success story we’ve ever had.

It’s pretty well known that it takes longer than 3 months to get an ex back if you are trying.

But this woman’s ex came back to her in days.

It was almost as if he was thinking,

“I’m just going to break up with her and move on with my life”

Only to immediately regret that decision and think,

“What have I done? I need to get her back as soon as possible.”

It’s a good sign if you see your ex consistently trying to rush the courtship ritual.

4. They Reach Out To You More That You Reach Out To Them

they reach out to you more than you do to them

I think one of the things that sets Ex Boyfriend Recovery apart from some of our competitors is the fact that we encourage our clients to take detailed notes throughout the process.

In fact, there have been a lot of times where I have mentioned that it is a good idea to keep a tally of the amount of text messages your ex has sent to you and how many you have sent back.

We’ve even had some people on our Private Facebook Group (which you can gain access to through my best selling book) kick this idea into overdrive and detail everything.

We like recommending this since we feel sometimes some of the people we work with are too close to their situation to make impartial decisions.

However, if you map things out you can look at it from a very logical perspective and make the best decision without the blinders on.

Anyways, we noticed that as more and more of our clients started doing this the clients that tended to get their exes back were the ones with exes that reached out more to them than they reached out in return.


I feel a case study coming on.

The Case Study Of The Ex Who Can’t Stop Texting

I’m big on investment.

Now, just so we are clear I don’t mean investment from a monetary perspective. No, I’m talking about investment from a texting perspective.

It makes sense that an ex who texts you more than you text them is going to be more invested into a conversation than you, right?

Well, that was certainly the case for our client below,

I want you to notice how she started out kind of rough.

He wasn’t texting her at all so she had to text him first to open the lines of communication but once they were open…..

Watch out because he wouldn’t stop texting her.

This is a very good sign!

5. They Use A Form Of Reverse Psychology

they use reverse psychology

No one really talks about this one and if I am being totally honest I would have never guessed it was a sign an ex would exhibit if I wasn’t looking specifically for case studies.

And yet there it is.

Staring us all right in the face.

So, how does it work?

Well, in order to fully grasp this we have to understand how people tend to operate.

It’s my opinion that we are all gods in our own minds.

We all need to feel wanted and loved by our significant others to feel satisfaction with our relationships. But what happens when we think our significant other no longer wants or loves us?

Well, that’s when we start to try to do things gain that status back.

Some will fight or scream…

Others will become distant as if to say, “you need to prove yourself to me.”

And every once in a while you’ll get someone who decides to use reverse psychology. To attempt to make you feel as if they don’t love or want you anymore.

Of course, they do this with the full intention of trying to make you chase them.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Used Reverse Psychology

Like I said at the beginning of this particular sign. I wouldn’t even know this was a “sign” if it wasn’t for a case study.

It turns out that, that case study was an interview I did with Mary, a client who got her ex to unblock her and eventually beg for her back.

Around the 7 minute mark you’ll hear her talk about what happened when her ex reached out to her,

Her ex said some really interesting things to her,

“I need to bring your stuff back to you.”

“It looks like you’ve moved on.”

“Have a nice life”

Now, if you take all of these things at face value it appears as if her ex boyfriend was implying that she has moved on and that he was going to do the same.

Bear in mind, he really wants her back.

How do I know?

Because he literally told her he wanted her back AFTER THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER!

So, what is going on here?

Why would her ex say these things if they weren’t true?

It’s bait.

Consider the graphic below,

When you go fishing how do you catch a fish?

Do you just throw your fishing line into the water and hope for the best?

No, often you have to outfit the fishing line with some type of bait to attract a fish into biting.

Well, in Mary’s case her ex was using these reverse psychology statement to bait her into showing some type of interest. You see, she was following my advice and utilizing the no contact rule which taps into a psychological theory called reactance.

Reactance: When someones behavior freedoms get threatened they react in a way to try to get that freedom back

So, in Mary’s case by ignoring her ex by using the no contact rule it prompted a reaction from her ex to get that freedom of talking to her back.

It just so happened that, that reaction was reverse psychology.

6. They Become Very Jealous

This is a big sign that your ex wants you back and I don’t think it’s rocket science.

Jealousy almost always imply that feelings are involved.

Really, just sit for a moment and try to think of an example where jealousy doesn’t involve feelings of some type.

I’ll give you a few basic examples.

I grow jealous when my readers prefer another breakup expert over me.

Feelings Involved = “Why don’t you like me???”

I grow jealous when I look at pictures of my wife and her ex boyfriends from years ago.

Feelings Involved = “I’m just nuts ok…”

Here’s my point.

If you are going on a date after your breakup and you notice your ex starts exhibiting the signs of jealousy that may be a sign that he wants you back.

But the proof is in the pudding as they say so let’s look at a case study to prove this.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Became Jealous

Anyone who knows me really well knows I am a total nerd when it comes to Buffy The Vampire Slayer (don’t hate.)

Anyways, a few years ago, when I had first started my Private Facebook Group for my customers a member joined named Sarah Michelle. Of course, me being the Buffy fanatic I am I took to calling her “Buffy” after Sarah Michell Gellar who actually played Buffy

(I’m weird, I know.)

I'm weird

Anyways, the Sarah Michelle in our Private Facebook Group turned out to be a wiz when it came to making her ex want her back because not only did she get him back once but after he broke up with her again he came back once he saw she was dating someone new.

You can tell her hear the whole story in this interview I did with her,

I found it fascinating how after the second breakup her ex wanted nothing to do with her UNTIL she started dating someone new.

It’s almost like,

“Oh my goodness, someone else has her so I have to have her.”

This is jealousy at it’s finest.

And now that I think about it, it is also reactance at work.

7. They Start Wanting To Plan Ahead For The Future

they plan for the future

Throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery you might notice me talking about this concept of “future pacing.”

Sound familiar?


Well, let me give you some context. Most of the clients that I work with are trying everything they can to get their exes back.

Therefore, a lot of what I try to teach them is how to naturally build an attraction with an individual and one of the best ways to do that is to “future pace” in a conversation.

This is where you imagine a potential future together with them.

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say you are talking to your ex and somewhere in a conversation with them you make this comment,

“Wouldn’t it be great to go to Paris?”

Upon hearing this your ex immediately imagines you and them together in Paris.

Even though this is all happening subconsciously your ex is reframing how they view you in their head.

Well, it turns out that “future pacing” works both way .

If your ex subtly slips in “potential futures” together that is a really good sign.

The Case Study Of The Ex Who Future Paced

I have a great case study for this one.

I draw a lot upon our Private Facebook Group but that tends to be where we have the most success stories happening because that’s where we spend most of our time interacting with our audience.

Also, I coach exclusively out of the Private Facebook Group so that’s where people tend to get the very best advice.

A few months ago my wife was working with a woman in the group and this woman was super disappointed with how the process was going.

In fact, at one point her ex went as far as saying,

“There’s no way that I’m ever going to get married.”

Pretty strong words…

Anyways, after a series of interesting events her ex ended up saying this to her last week,

“I’m never getting married… except maybe to you. I’d marry you.”

Do you see what happened there?

He essentially future paced the woman in our group.

He is imagining a future with his ex where they get married. Now, he didn’t say it outright but these things are never that cut and dry.

Often we operate in that grey area of the human psyche.

Here’s the point.

He says this to her and then ultimately gets back with her.

Sources And Citations

1,494 thoughts on “7 Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back (Based On Case Studies)”

  1. Avatar


    March 19, 2020 at 8:39 pm

    Hi there, my ex broke up with me because he needed time to get his life back in check. This happened around a month ago, and we agreed to just stay friends for the rest of our future. He gave up on the relationship when he made the decision to break up. Recently, he has been texting me a lot, sending many flirtatious comments, and reminicing. What could be going on with him? Is he texting me because he is bored or is he trying to get back together? How should I be responding to all his texts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Sam so if your ex is reaching out to you and is flirting then I would say they are showing interest in you. If you are going to try to get your ex back then use this to build rapport and get some meet ups going. Make sure that you do not sleep with them unless you are back in a relationship. I would be responding to the texts positively and making conversation too. The most important factor is that you END THE CONVERSATION FIRST

  2. Avatar


    January 23, 2020 at 7:51 am


    I have a question…My bf (or I guess ex bf) left his phone at my house after an argument. I had a couple cocktails that night and went through his phone. I found some emails to his ex girlfriend. A lot of them were during rough patches we were having. We’ve been on and off for about two years. The things he said to her I wish I could unsee. He said he has never loved anyone like he loved her and that he thinks about her everyday. She never even replied. I haven’t talked to him since. It’s been 4 days. He’s messaged me on and off but hasn’t really said much. I think he’s afraid I went through his phone but doesn’t know for sure so he’s not saying anything. I guess I’m feeling torn because on one hand i think maybe I should tell him it’s over (even though i wish it didn’t have to be but those messages are too much) or keep doing the no contact on him. I’d love for him to beg me like he did her in those messages. Yes, it’s petty but I’m hurt and I don’t know what to do. Help! Lol

    Thank you for reading this!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 23, 2020 at 9:51 am

      Hey Vero, so those messages to his ex are obviously going to hurt you but you are not going to look good if you tell him you have read them and gone through his phone. I suggest that you go into a no contact and ignore any messages he sends unless he asks for his phone back to which you hand it back and then go back into no contact for the rest of the 30 days. If you want him to beg for you back then you are going to have to look into what it means to be ungettable do the work and then start reaching out at the end of your no contact

  3. Avatar


    January 13, 2020 at 10:04 am


    My ex broke up with me about a month and half ago! OvEr christmas (which is a very difficult time for her) we had constant contact and saw each other a few times! Showing clear signs of interest towards me even telling me she loved me on several occasions however was determined the break up was the right thing! We broke up because we were both going through an exceptionally difficult time and it put a lot of stress on our relationship causing tension, lack of space and mistrust but no major disagreements! Since new year she has initiated contact everyday and is constantly monitoring my social media. She Is currently showing six out of the seven signs in this article! Im considering going radio silence contact as i believe she struggling to let go of the resentment around some of issues from the relationship and we are going round in circles! Any advice you could give even though i know she is a female (i would say emotionally she is quite masculine however) would be much appreciated! We were always attracted to each other long before we actually met and hit it off straight away. I love her very much and we both have stated several times that we have never met someone we have so much in common with and get on so well with! It would be shame to lose each other…. but i feel i may have to let go soon!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Joe, so if they are showing the signs above and they are initiating contact with you often then they are showing that they are interested in you still so I suggest you start asking to meet for coffee, and build those meet ups to a more romantic setting gradually to see what sort of response you get, if you feel you are done then explaining this to your ex that you can no longer speak with them while you get over them and be as honest and kind with your words as you can

  4. Avatar


    December 1, 2019 at 3:39 pm

    Hey Chris and team, my ex literally brought my things back on day 3 of no contact. I was at a guys house and my ex can see my location on the “ find my “ app for iPhone and I can’t see his location but he can see mine. Anyway he didn’t text me saying he would leave my things at my house he literally left it on my door without letting me know and he decided to finally change his profile pic of us to just a picture of him all at the same time. Is this a bad sign because he didn’t text me at all saying anything or without letting me know that he would be dropping my things off I know you guys are busy with things but if you have the time to give me some input or to clear things up on what the hell he is thinking it would be appreciated.. Much love to all of you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Stephanie, does he know the guy you were going to see at the time? It sounds more of an emotional reaction if it seems that you are doing well and spending time with other guys already it made him hurt/angry. So you need to complete a no contact, and then reach out in 30 days with a short but friendly conversation. IF you are interested in getting back with him that is of course.

  5. Avatar

    Girl in love

    October 12, 2019 at 9:19 pm

    Thanks Shaunna. You are right (I don’t need the stuff). I am looking for a reason to see him.
    I did around 2 weeks of NC then he contacted me and I have responded (silly). Well I don’t have any other choice then to start NC again I suppose?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 12, 2019 at 10:49 pm

      Im afriad so – but stick with it and be stern with yourself this time

  6. Avatar

    Girl in love

    October 3, 2019 at 9:12 am

    What if he doesn’t want to give my stuff back?
    Is there hope? Do they do it regularly after break ups? Well, logically if he wants me to get out of his life: here is your stuff move on, girl..
    There is a lot of clothes cosmetics lingerie
    It’s creepy if he dates someone and those things are still there.
    A month and a half passed since the break up now

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 3, 2019 at 10:04 pm

      Hi Girl, sometimes its about what you NEED over what you have left behind. The things that you mentioned above can be replaced easily. But if he is holding onto them then he may be waiting until he is ready to face you to return them. Have you completed a NC? If so make sure your texts are interesting to him to get him wanting to reply

  7. Avatar


    September 29, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    Hi guys, I’m not sure if I’m posting under the correct topic but I’d like some advice on my current situation. My ex and I were together for 4 years and we have been broken up since February and I did go into NC straight away, I decided because it was our 3rd breakup that I wouldnt actively start getting him back and instead, work on my self and improve my life, kinda like moving on without moving on in a way to see if I still wanted to be with him later down the line, fast forward 7 months, with absolutely no contact, my ex sends me a friend request on Facebook. I was so overwhelmed by it and eventually I did accept it. I don’t know if I done the right thing.. why would he send it now? I’m not interested in a friendship because I feel he dosent even know how much pain he caused. I will mention, after our breakup I did unfriend and unfollow on social media but somehow he still views my snap stories over the past few months as that’s one place I never took him off. His birthday is coming up soon and I’m unsure if I should reach out and wish him happy birthday as I’m afraid it might spark a conversation that I feel I might not be emotionally ready for. What advice can you give? Why would he send a request after this long? I’ve been trying to not read too much into it but it caught me off guard after so long without anything, I don’t want to get any hopes up incase he has no plans on getting back together or at least seeing where things are between us. I want to continue improving myself. Is this his way of keeping me around? Or is it just purely innocent? What do you suggest my next move would be or do I keep silent until he initiates contact, if at all?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 29, 2019 at 8:56 pm

      Hi A, so if you don’t want the emotional conversation with him then I do suggest not reaching out to him any time soon. The fact he added you randomly after some time may have been you were on his mind and he chose to see what was going on with you. Even his attempt to start contact again. IF you want him back then I do suggest doing something about it soon as we do say maximum No Contact needs to be close to 45 days. And this may be your way to start the texting phase and build rapport between you both.

  8. Avatar


    May 23, 2019 at 6:04 pm

    Hi Chris, first of all thank you for the amazing help you are providing for all of us, i have a quick question, hope you can help me out, i broke up with my ex 5 months ago (she dumped me), she entered a rebound 2 months after, two days ago she contacted me via FB asking for some pictures, i said sure, since it’s like 15gb of files i told her that i could leave a usb with the receptionist at work, she insisted to see me in person, i honestly miss her, it was almost 3 years together, but deep down i know i don’t want to get back together, since the brake up i started a business, started meditating daily and hitting the gym on a consistent basis, im happy for myself of what im accomplishing, what would you do in my situation? best regards 🙂

  9. Avatar


    January 15, 2019 at 4:48 pm

    I fall for the reverse physiology he do to me , i end up crying . I feel like I ruined it . How can i fix it?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 15, 2019 at 11:09 pm

      Hi Kira…important to focus on your own healing and recovery first, while also coming up with your ex recovery plan. That is what I try to teach people!

  10. Avatar


    November 16, 2018 at 6:08 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I broke up 2weeks now. The first week I never heard form him. I called 200x and text more than that too but never replied. One week after the break up he visited Philippines again from hongkong for work. He met me on Wednesday, we talked but said I am not man you are looking for and we had a very horrible fight how can we reconcile that? Make story short I couldn’t convince him to get back together. We didn’t met Thursday. But invited me for dinner and movies on Friday. So we had some sort date and then I ended the night begging him. He refused for giving me another one more chance. He also said thanks for everything etc. And said we need space. I never stop messaging him. And then one day I stop. The next night he sent me message like “miss my rabbit(our pet name). Hope you’re well”. I didn’t reply that nite. But I couldn’t resist replying. So the next morning I replied with “you know I always miss you more”. And then he just read on my message for almost two days. In short I make efforts again. I said I miss him can you call me. He called me. Said how is he. He said “stress at work. Home. You”. Why me? Bc I’m still bothering you? He replied with “bc I miss you you know that” he even said it’s okay if I didn’t guve him the soace he asked from me. And even told me talk soon. He still want hearing my voice. It was last nite. And he didn’t text me after thay call last nite and even today haven’t heard from him. Do you think He just wanted to be friendly? I am planning to start my NC today. You think it would work for him? Does he mewnt whay he said? I am hoping he meant whay he said. And it’s hurting me so bad. im hoping for your kind response. Thank you. God bless more.

  11. Avatar


    November 1, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I am currently doing the No contact rule. It’s my 10th day. What kind of strategy? What would you recommend?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 1, 2018 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Ella!

      Congrats for getting to day 10. First you want to make sure you understand all the elements of effectively implementing NC as well as all the things that cme after it. So I suggest you pick up my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” so you are up to speed in the most efficient way.

  12. Avatar


    October 31, 2018 at 1:29 pm

    Hi Chris and Jennifer,

    We lived together for more than a year. I went home (another country) for two months and that’s when we started fighting. The first month was fine but then he would get really jelaous and we would fight over the phone. When I left home and moved back with him he would say that he doesn’t trust me, that our relationship has no future, that I don’t love him and he would act cold. Then suddenly he would be caring and nice again and then he’d be cold again. We kept fighting and we broke up. He told me he has no feelings because of the fighting and again he doesn’t trust me. I finally had enough of proving him that I love him and told him that I need to be alone.Asked him to move out as soon as possible. He was kinda surprised that I was serious about it but he moved to a friend’s house. After less than one week of no contact he had to come over to the flat to meet with the landlady. He came 3 hours earlier. No idea why. He was really kind and was asking me questions – am I okay, do I need help with anything etc. So today it’s been less than 10 days of no contact and I get a text from him for my birthday. Wished me a happy birthday and told me to always be that beautiful, good, gentle and caring. I replied with a basic thanks after 4 hours. What do you think about the situation? I’m really confused.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 1, 2018 at 3:02 am

      Hi Ella!

      Best to have a plan going forward so you are operating from some strategy. Have you tapped into any of my resources on the site? It seems you are still in the NC process, but there are way to optimize it.

  13. Avatar


    October 27, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    Been a month since our breakup, I haven’t fully been able to attempt NC… we have 1 1/2yr old daughter, so we need to keep in contact. I was doing alright with minimal texting until a few weeks ago when he came to my house for a visit with our daughter. We ended up having sex and told each other we’d talk more in a few days. That day came and he was hesitant to talk, nothing new there. He told me it was a moment of weakness when we slept together. I was calm, honest, sencere asking him if we could just stay separated for awhile and date again, try to rekindle things and get to know each other again (since our relationship was a fast one). But he said “no. I just think nothing will change, I don’t like going through the ups and downs… I don’t think I can change. What he means by “change” is when I’d request communication and the fact I had concerns as to if he was happy to come home after work, as I feel he likes to stay late and socialize. He works at a brewery, where we met as coworkers. I was never afraid to voice my concerns: Are you happy here with us? I feel like you never engage in conversation, as if your work scene got the best of you….
    I’m 31, he’s 26. We’ve been together for 2 yrs. I get SO many mixed messages from him.

    Since the break up we’ve slept together a few times. I’m not planning to anymore, as it just leads to the obvious- more heartache.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 4:27 am

      Hi Meemo!

      I understand that you are unable to fully implement NC. That’s fine. I talk a lot about all the versions of NC and how it can work for you and many other things in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. So soak that up if you wish to learn more. I understand the lure of sleeping with an ex. But now you have learned that it sometimes doesn’t solve things.

  14. Avatar


    October 27, 2018 at 12:46 am

    Hi Chris,

    I have been reading all your content and want to thank you for everything you put up, it’s really helped me, I bought your UG guide years ago but not sure if it’s different to your new one?? I’ve done a lot of work on myself but I’m really struggling and I need your help…
    I am 8months post break up from my ex boyfriend, we were together 6months but was intense….We have met a few times since, I did NC for 3weeks since after as it was a short relationship, and slowly started building positive rapport through texts for months and we met for a date, went well, lots of laughter fun and chemistry. He then disappears on me for a month ignoring all my texts which broke my heart. Then he texted me appologising and said he struggled and wanted to contact me but couldn’t. Second time we met, I made the mistake of sleeping with him and have done so since…
    Recently I’ve got him helping me out with some project work, but he’s told me we are not dating and we are not getting back together but he spent a lot of time over the phone helping me with work stuff. He got very jealous when I asked him to recommend me another architect when he didn’t want to further help me himself because of time and said he really cares for me like no one else will and no one else can help me and that we could get married one day and have children. He was drunk when he said this after being jealous. I’m very confused because he doesn’t ask to see me or anything, it’s me always initiating, we text daily- I’m reaching out and it’s mostly been positive responses from him. Where do I go from here now??? I can’t seem to let go. I tried backing off and doing NC for a week again to see if he would initiate and he didn’t reach out and I ended up caving and texting him again in fear of losing him. And took ages to build rapport up again to what it was. He seems to respond positively a lot and regularly opens up about his work and life but other times I’m chasing him and get upset when he ignores me and gnat him to reply and then he does.

    Sorry this is long, I feel like giving up now but can’t…I’ve come so far.

    Any advice appreciated.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 5:01 am

      Hi Jessi!

      I have re-written my core eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. Its now 485 pages long and cover a heck of a lot of material!

      Perhaps a longer use of No Contact might be worth your effort if what you have been trying isn’t getting any traction. I talk about all of the ways you can leverage the NC principle in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. If one is going to do it, its best to do it correctly so that not only do you find your own healing, but do things to reinforce your value. It seems he is taking your for granted and doesn’t appreciate your full value.

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    October 18, 2018 at 12:16 am

    Hi Chris, many thanks for this article. I’ve had an ex do some of the things (2,3,4,7) you mentioned in the article, including future pacing. However, after a couple of weeks he seemed to have stopped doing them altogether, and gone cold. Any idea why? Has he given up, or changed his mind?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 18, 2018 at 11:22 pm

      Hi Roxanne!

      No sure why, but interest can wax and wane. Try igniting it again indirectly via social media

  16. Avatar


    August 14, 2018 at 9:22 pm

    My boyfriend has reached out to me multiple times to come get my stuff but has only said nasty things; he seems to have strong emotions, saying “life is unfair to you because you’ll never have the privilege of dating Elmer again” and “don’t even try because there’s no chance for reconciliation” and “I have a new girlfriend” and “I could care less about you.” This is all him reaching out to me, I’ve never contacted him before. He says he wants to “give me back my stuff” and then throws in all these nasty messages. I didn’t talk to him for more than a month, did no contact, then he reached out to me after i unblocked him telling me all these things. He also wrote me an email
    which was quite nasty as well, although he apologized for screaming at me when he broke up with me. Since he only has strongly negative things to say to me (although he is the one always reaching out), do you think I have a chance? He was never like this during our relationship, and we were supposed to get engaged shortly after he broke up with me. What’s the best way to respond to him since he seems so angry (but yet at some point, I’d hope to work things out with him)?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:51 pm

      HI Alexa….it seems he is still in the angry stage. So best to no worry about your things for now or arrange for someone else to pick them up for you. I do think you have a chance, but you would benefit if you follow my program. There are some do’s and don’ts and right now you want to avoid playing into his anger.

  17. Avatar


    August 14, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    I have a question, so what if at a break up, he states that, “we will never be done”? However, 4 months later he knocks up his next girl he dates and Marries her 4 months into the pregnancy. What would he be thinking? We run into each other in town here and there, and he always, I mean always makes it a point to walk by me. Even if he doesn’t have to. But, he shoots me dirty looks and seems very uncomfortable.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:55 pm

      It seems he still has some unresolved feelings.

  18. Avatar


    August 7, 2018 at 10:55 am

    Hi My lovely now Exgirlfriend cheated on me after a year of dating I found out about a month ago and that was our first and last fight. we separated and she continued going out with the guy and after and after I heard that she was spotted in places just about four days after we speak just sent her a text to say how much I loved her and that I respect her decision and I forgive her for what she did . three days after she read my WhatsApp text she replied and ever since she contacts me regularly and has recently requested that we have sex for the last time since I told her we can’t get back together again because she humiliated me . but the honest truth is in still love her we had so much planned together and we were planning to start a family next year so after we broke up she got that contraceptive on her arm planning to have it for three years and she says she will wait for me forever because she only wants my babies. can you explain to me what is going on here

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    May 7, 2018 at 8:23 am

    hi Chris, I broke up with my ex 2 months ago and I did the nc more than a month, I contacted him when I went back home as we were doing long distance relationship. I told him I bought stuff for him and wanted to give it to him, he responded me in 5 hours and we met, he was sad and he cried when I gave the stuff but when I ask about the break up he said he can’t see the future with me anymore because he got a lot of new friend and he is having fun with them, and being in a relationship with me would force him to be with me all the time and he won’t have time for his friends. I miss him and I want him back, I just doesn’t know what I have to do now. I am not contacting him, but I want to.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 7, 2018 at 4:00 pm

      Hi Nina….you have my ebook, right? Because it can give you so much more information on some of the tactics you can employ than I can here in this space. It seems your ex is a bit immature about his relationship decisions. So perhaps with time, he will see the real value in you. Take a look at some of the resources I offer people by going to my website Menu/products link. I am thinking, “The No Contact Rule Book” might be a good fit for you so that you can learn all of the ways in which you can use this principle to optimize your chances and also there are many things you should be doing to help yourself in the self recovery department because I know it hurts. But in in time, we will see how things works out. Let me know how it goes Nina!

  20. Avatar


    May 5, 2018 at 3:56 am

    Hi Chris, I broke no contact after 25 days &
    reached out to my ex & it turned out he still feels we need to go separate ways as it didnt work out before. I respected his decision & thank him for loving me. Just when I decided to move on, barely a week he sent me 2 snapchats which i ignored then 2 days ago he text me a ‘Hi’ I responded with a ‘Hi’ after about 12hours & he went silent again… is he playing games to try to keep power on his side ? Why the flippant attitude when he already decided to dump me not once but twice? And when I respect his decision he starts these annoying small acts?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2018 at 4:30 am

      Right…I see your point. I guess he is having trouble letting go. Probably not some manipulative power play. But his actions speak louder that his texts or Snaps in my view.

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      May 5, 2018 at 4:38 am

      Hi Chris thank u… he reached out with a dumb Hi… I responded respectfully & got left cold. What do I do if he reaches out again? It almost feels like when he has no control over me or response from me he freaks & then when I do respond he sits & does nothing.
      Its irritating

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2018 at 4:50 am

      Yes, that seems to be his pattern. I think he may have some impulse control issues. But there is no reason why you should be drawn it. If its irritating, just ignore him and he will have to learn to wean himself off of his addiction to get a response from you.

    4. Avatar


      May 5, 2018 at 4:55 am

      Hi Chris, i responded to his Hi becos if he has anything to say I wanted to give him a chance to say it, if he regrets his decision I would want him to take responsibility for it too. Its literally WTF when he had made his decision then crawls back with an ambiguous ‘Hi’ & when given the opportunity to access my respond he doesnt take it from there. Is this not a mind F attempt? Thank u

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2018 at 11:48 pm

      Well certainly, at the very least it is a demonstration of his “immaturity” and lack of sensitivity to how he is perceived.

    6. Avatar


      May 6, 2018 at 12:56 am

      Hi Chris, at this point of time is it safe to conclude he isnt genuinely keen to reconnect until he does more or learn to talk properly? I know some time down the road he is going to reach out again. I feel like telling him off, not angrily but rather i know what he is trying to do & its not right. Should I do that?

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2018 at 4:03 am

      No Serene…I don’t see how telling him off is going to work out that well. I think you should embody your name (Serene). Seek out moments of Serenity and focus your thoughts on constructive things.

    8. Avatar


      May 6, 2018 at 4:05 am

      Then how do I let him know its not right to deal with things this way regardless if we get back with each other? Ignore till his behaviour improves on its own?

    9. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2018 at 5:26 am

      Yes, I think so because otherwise the cycle will just keep repeating and your replies to him just enables him to behave inappropriately.

    10. Avatar


      May 6, 2018 at 5:33 am

      Thank You Chris, what will be signs/actions to gauge ‘better behaviour’? Becos even when in a relationship he has the habit of screwing up then reaching up pretending nothing has happened, he’ll apologise when called out for the bad behaviour. Now its worse, he reaches out with a low witted Hi & leaves me cold

    11. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2018 at 2:59 pm

      A consistent pattern of acceptable behavior

    12. Avatar


      May 7, 2018 at 1:11 am

      Thank You Chris 🙂

    13. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 7, 2018 at 3:30 am

      Your welcome Serene…go with Serenity!

    14. Avatar


      May 12, 2018 at 6:37 am

      Hi Chris, my ex reached out again today asking me how I’ve been. He dumped me twice once in late March & then again in late April when I reached out after a month of NC. When he reached out I followed your text effort mirroring advice. He was very quick in reply. As I’m still healing & do not know his intentions I’m afraid to get hurt & fall back to where I was. After afew meaningless texts from him. I asked him what he wants though? He then replied me ‘ Nothing.Just saying Hi’ so I told him honestly ‘I dont think I want to stay in touch as ‘friends’ at this point of time’ becos I didnt want to ‘help him’ transition through the period of loneliness while he finds someone else & I get friendzoned. His reply was ‘if you say so’ I thought his respond sounded kinda resentful & jerky? The conversation ended with me telling him to take sometime to figure out what he really wants. Did I make wrong moves? To me I know he wants something becos its not logical for a man who jump dumped his ex gf reach out like this just to say Hi, we’ve been on long distance with no mutual friends so it wasnt even necessary to stay friends especially so soon after a breakup. Any thoughts? Thank u Chris for always being so patient 🙂

    15. Avatar


      May 13, 2018 at 2:11 am

      Hi Chris, unfortunately these meaningless ‘small acts’ is making me lose trust & respect for him… I never had an ex who dumped & return so quickly with what he is doing which is why it led to me confronting his intentions. He didnt need to test waters to find out where i stand too because he knows I still care. Despite my feelings I do not want him to make use of me to make him feel more ease less guilt & continue to enjoy benefits of the good part of the relationship while not commiting himself to one. I didnt ‘wait & see’ for his true intentions to show but instead asked him becos prolonging this without knowing will deter my healing & moving on. I’m sure there are others in the same situation. I hope to share my 2 cents too

    16. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2018 at 5:13 am

      Yes..whether he realizes or not or cares or not…he is kinda blowing it. And if he can’t get it…if he can’t understand the importance of showing empathy for your feelings, then he is just taking from you and not giving back…..and that’s revealing.

    17. Avatar


      May 13, 2018 at 11:18 am

      Yea I agree Chris. It has sadly turned kind of game playing & its ugly especially when I still love him. Please make some videos of a similiar content because I believe many out there are going through the same confusion and mislead. I wish humans can be more sincere & less selfish 🙁

    18. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2018 at 3:45 pm

      Yes…we would have such a better world if people were less selfish and kind to each other. You might want to go check out my You Tube Page.

    19. Avatar


      May 13, 2018 at 3:59 pm

      I’m subscribed to your Youtube Channel for awhile now. Thats where I learnt the mirroring response for texts 🙂

    20. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2018 at 4:46 pm

      Awesome! I plan on building up that channel much more.

    21. Avatar


      May 14, 2018 at 3:06 am

      Yes pls! Videos make very good educational materials & experience sharing! Go Chris! 🙂

    22. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2018 at 12:03 am

      I think they were honest responses you offered up to him. There is a certain up/down cycle to breakups. You have told him what you think he might be doing. If he has other intentions, then he has an opportunity to convey that to you at some stage.

    23. Avatar


      May 7, 2018 at 3:32 am

      I’m trying to. Infact after he still decided to go separate ways the 2nd time, i told myself to keep calm, accept it & move on. But his ‘small acts’ made it tough along the way. Hopefully he stops all these OR make a good enough comeback. Life is too short to hassle if ultimately he doesnt love me anymore

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