When it comes to looking for signs that your ex wants you back I’m sure you’ve read a lot.

But, if you’re anything like me you’re probably left a little underwhelmed by what’s out there.

Often, I find that many of my peers make bold claims about “this or that” being a sign that an ex may want you back.

Unfortunately, they don’t have any type of proof to back up those claims.

I got tired of that so I decided to do some actual research and craft a guide that covered the actual signs that an ex wants you back.

And the best part is that this page is entirely predicated on real life examples of exes who have wanted their significant others back using my real coaching clients.

Are you ready?

The 7 Signs That Your Ex May Want You Back (Based On Real Life)

7 signs that your ex wants you back

As stated above, I wrote this guide with a clear goal in mind.

Every sign that I am about to talk to you about is based on the real life experience of someone who has gotten their exes back.

What’s even better is that I’m not just going to tell you the sign but I am going to provide proof so that you can see and many times hear from the person that experienced that sign.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Below are all of the signs that an ex wants you back,

  1. Dramatic mood swings from positive to negative and back to positive again
  2. They are very responsive to the first text after a period of no contact
  3. They want to rush the process
  4. They reach out to you more than you reach out to them
  5. They can use a form of reverse psychology
  6. They become very jealous
  7. They start wanting to plan ahead for the future

Lets take a moment and dive a little more in-depth on these signs.

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1. They Have Dramatic Mood Swings From Positive To Negative and Back To Positive Again

mood swings from positive to negative

Anyone who has read my book knows I talk about “the pendulum” a lot.

The Pendulum (in this context): Is basically when a human being moves from one end of the “emotion” spectrum to the other and repeats the process several times.

Sound familiar?

Not only do people suffering from a breakup experience this phenomenon but exes who actually want you back experience it as well.

In order to understand why we must first talk a little about the science of breakups and how the brain processes them.

(If you aren’t the “science” type don’t worry. I’m not either but I promise this is super interesting and important to know.)

A few years ago researchers studying the brain of individuals going through a breakup found something fascinating.

When we experience the loss of a romantic partner we may actually experience cravings for that person very similar to a drug addict looking for a fix.

In other words, if an ex is trying to get you back they will probably act erratically and display these crazy mood swings.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Ok, that’s all very well and good but where’s the proof?”

The Case Study Of Exes Who Displayed Crazy Mood Swings

So, the first case study that I’d like to introduce to you today is actually a series of case studies.

One of my favorite things that to do on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is interacting with people in our Private Facebook Group which you get an opportunity to gain access to with a purchase of my best selling book.

It’s really cool because not only do I get to help people on a more personal level but I also get a lot of great information about the psychology behind “wanting an ex back.”

This was really hit home during an interview I did with a success story out of that  very Facebook Group.

About 12 minutes into the interview you can see us talking about the hundreds (now thousands) of people in the group who are going through incredibly difficult times.

You’ll notice we were talking about this exact idea of the “pendulum swings” where a mood shifts from one end of the spectrum to the other and how common this behavior is.

Now, here’s the important thing to note.

Every single person in my Private Facebook Group wants their ex back.

Hence, my statement at the beginning of this section about this being a series of case studies.

2. They Are Very Responsive To The First Text After A Period Of No Contact

responsive after the first contact

This one might need a little explanation.

If you aren’t already familiar with what the no contact rule is I suggest you read my epic guide on it. It’s a bit long but in my opinion it’s the most comprehensive guide online right now.

But for those of you who want a quick crash course,

The No Contact Rule = A Period Of Time Where You Ignore Your Ex

Now, I don’t want to go too in depth on it here since this article is about looking at the signs an ex wants you back and not about the no contact rule but we are pretty darn fond of the no contact rule.

After all, it’s yielded an insane amount of success stories and is a strategy that is present in almost every one of our success stories.

It’s kind of a big deal.

So, where am I going with this?

Well, we’ve noticed that a lot of our clients’ exes are very responsive during the first contact they have with their ex after a period of no contact.

Almost as if to say,

“Thank god… they finally contacted me. I was worried they forgot about me forever.”

Now, it isn’t the “be all, end all” but it’s certainly significant enough to not ignore.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Was Super Responsive After A Period Of No Contact

For this one I’d like to bring in Jessy!

If you didn’t already know Jessy actually used our program to not only get her ex back but is now married to him.

She ended up agreeing to be interviewed by me so that I could see exactly what she did to win him back.

Well, after re-watching the interview I couldn’t help but notice that she yielded an amazing reaction to her first contact text message to him after the no contact rule.

Here’s the interview of us talking about it,

Notice how she talks about putting a lot of thought behind the text message that she sent to her ex and how she tapped into a happy memory.

Anyways, she sends the text and then has a meeting to go into at work and when she gets out of the meeting and looks at her phone she has a flood of text messages from him on her phone.

Bear in mind, that they get married a few months after this moment.

3. They want to rush the process

they want to rush the process

We live in the “now” age.

I’ve been recently watching Netflix’s “A Series of Unfortunate Events” which I’ll admit is aimed more towards kids than adults but I’m allowed to be a kid sometimes.

Anyways, there’s a character in the show that is obsessed with what’s “In” and what’s “Out.”

Basically, this character wants to be a part of all the “In” trends.

It’s funny to me because I am sure the author who wrote the books was making a commentary on how our society has become.

Not only are we so obsessed with what’s “IN” and “OUT” but after years of coaching individuals I believe we are also obsessed with “NOW.”

We want answers as soon as possible, right?

Before back in the Golden Age of the internet you used to have to perform a Google search on a big clunky computer.

Now we have all of these smart phones.

In other words, you can get answers sooner.

So, where am I going with this?

Well, if you find that your ex is trying to rush everything during the “courtship ritual” it might be a sign that they want you back.

the courtship ritual

Case Study Of Exes Who Rushed The Process

Can you do me a favor?

Can you take a look at this picture for me?

Now, without context this looks like a general success story and we have a lot of them scattered throughout this website.

But with context this success story can actually teach you something.

You see, this woman’s ex came back to her in record time. In fact, I think it might be the fastest success story we’ve ever had.

It’s pretty well known that it takes longer than 3 months to get an ex back if you are trying.

But this woman’s ex came back to her in days.

It was almost as if he was thinking,

“I’m just going to break up with her and move on with my life”

Only to immediately regret that decision and think,

“What have I done? I need to get her back as soon as possible.”

It’s a good sign if you see your ex consistently trying to rush the courtship ritual.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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4. They Reach Out To You More That You Reach Out To Them

they reach out to you more than you do to them

I think one of the things that sets Ex Boyfriend Recovery apart from some of our competitors is the fact that we encourage our clients to take detailed notes throughout the process.

In fact, there have been a lot of times where I have mentioned that it is a good idea to keep a tally of the amount of text messages your ex has sent to you and how many you have sent back.

We’ve even had some people on our Private Facebook Group (which you can gain access to through my best selling book) kick this idea into overdrive and detail everything.

We like recommending this since we feel sometimes some of the people we work with are too close to their situation to make impartial decisions.

However, if you map things out you can look at it from a very logical perspective and make the best decision without the blinders on.

Anyways, we noticed that as more and more of our clients started doing this the clients that tended to get their exes back were the ones with exes that reached out more to them than they reached out in return.

Interesting!

I feel a case study coming on.

The Case Study Of The Ex Who Can’t Stop Texting

I’m big on investment.

Now, just so we are clear I don’t mean investment from a monetary perspective. No, I’m talking about investment from a texting perspective.

It makes sense that an ex who texts you more than you text them is going to be more invested into a conversation than you, right?

Well, that was certainly the case for our client below,

I want you to notice how she started out kind of rough.

He wasn’t texting her at all so she had to text him first to open the lines of communication but once they were open…..

Watch out because he wouldn’t stop texting her.

This is a very good sign!

5. They Use A Form Of Reverse Psychology

they use reverse psychology

No one really talks about this one and if I am being totally honest I would have never guessed it was a sign an ex would exhibit if I wasn’t looking specifically for case studies.

And yet there it is.

Staring us all right in the face.

So, how does it work?

Well, in order to fully grasp this we have to understand how people tend to operate.

It’s my opinion that we are all gods in our own minds.

We all need to feel wanted and loved by our significant others to feel satisfaction with our relationships. But what happens when we think our significant other no longer wants or loves us?

Well, that’s when we start to try to do things gain that status back.

Some will fight or scream…

Others will become distant as if to say, “you need to prove yourself to me.”

And every once in a while you’ll get someone who decides to use reverse psychology. To attempt to make you feel as if they don’t love or want you anymore.

Of course, they do this with the full intention of trying to make you chase them.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Used Reverse Psychology

Like I said at the beginning of this particular sign. I wouldn’t even know this was a “sign” if it wasn’t for a case study.

It turns out that, that case study was an interview I did with Mary, a client who got her ex to unblock her and eventually beg for her back.

Around the 7 minute mark you’ll hear her talk about what happened when her ex reached out to her,

Her ex said some really interesting things to her,

“I need to bring your stuff back to you.”

“It looks like you’ve moved on.”

“Have a nice life”

Now, if you take all of these things at face value it appears as if her ex boyfriend was implying that she has moved on and that he was going to do the same.

Bear in mind, he really wants her back.

How do I know?

Because he literally told her he wanted her back AFTER THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER!

So, what is going on here?

Why would her ex say these things if they weren’t true?

It’s bait.

Consider the graphic below,

When you go fishing how do you catch a fish?

Do you just throw your fishing line into the water and hope for the best?

No, often you have to outfit the fishing line with some type of bait to attract a fish into biting.

Well, in Mary’s case her ex was using these reverse psychology statement to bait her into showing some type of interest. You see, she was following my advice and utilizing the no contact rule which taps into a psychological theory called reactance.

Reactance: When someones behavior freedoms get threatened they react in a way to try to get that freedom back

So, in Mary’s case by ignoring her ex by using the no contact rule it prompted a reaction from her ex to get that freedom of talking to her back.

It just so happened that, that reaction was reverse psychology.

6. They Become Very Jealous

This is a big sign that your ex wants you back and I don’t think it’s rocket science.

Jealousy almost always imply that feelings are involved.

Really, just sit for a moment and try to think of an example where jealousy doesn’t involve feelings of some type.

I’ll give you a few basic examples.

I grow jealous when my readers prefer another breakup expert over me.

Feelings Involved = “Why don’t you like me???”

I grow jealous when I look at pictures of my wife and her ex boyfriends from years ago.

Feelings Involved = “I’m just nuts ok…”

Here’s my point.

If you are going on a date after your breakup and you notice your ex starts exhibiting the signs of jealousy that may be a sign that he wants you back.

But the proof is in the pudding as they say so let’s look at a case study to prove this.

The Case Study Of An Ex Who Became Jealous

Anyone who knows me really well knows I am a total nerd when it comes to Buffy The Vampire Slayer (don’t hate.)

Anyways, a few years ago, when I had first started my Private Facebook Group for my customers a member joined named Sarah Michelle. Of course, me being the Buffy fanatic I am I took to calling her “Buffy” after Sarah Michell Gellar who actually played Buffy

(I’m weird, I know.)

I'm weird

Anyways, the Sarah Michelle in our Private Facebook Group turned out to be a wiz when it came to making her ex want her back because not only did she get him back once but after he broke up with her again he came back once he saw she was dating someone new.

You can tell her hear the whole story in this interview I did with her,

I found it fascinating how after the second breakup her ex wanted nothing to do with her UNTIL she started dating someone new.

It’s almost like,

“Oh my goodness, someone else has her so I have to have her.”

This is jealousy at it’s finest.

And now that I think about it, it is also reactance at work.

7. They Start Wanting To Plan Ahead For The Future

they plan for the future

Throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery you might notice me talking about this concept of “future pacing.”

Sound familiar?

No?

Well, let me give you some context. Most of the clients that I work with are trying everything they can to get their exes back.

Therefore, a lot of what I try to teach them is how to naturally build an attraction with an individual and one of the best ways to do that is to “future pace” in a conversation.

This is where you imagine a potential future together with them.

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say you are talking to your ex and somewhere in a conversation with them you make this comment,

“Wouldn’t it be great to go to Paris?”

Upon hearing this your ex immediately imagines you and them together in Paris.

Even though this is all happening subconsciously your ex is reframing how they view you in their head.

Well, it turns out that “future pacing” works both way .

If your ex subtly slips in “potential futures” together that is a really good sign.

The Case Study Of The Ex Who Future Paced

I have a great case study for this one.

I draw a lot upon our Private Facebook Group but that tends to be where we have the most success stories happening because that’s where we spend most of our time interacting with our audience.

Also, I coach exclusively out of the Private Facebook Group so that’s where people tend to get the very best advice.

A few months ago my wife was working with a woman in the group and this woman was super disappointed with how the process was going.

In fact, at one point her ex went as far as saying,

“There’s no way that I’m ever going to get married.”

Pretty strong words…

Anyways, after a series of interesting events her ex ended up saying this to her last week,

“I’m never getting married… except maybe to you. I’d marry you.”

Do you see what happened there?

He essentially future paced the woman in our group.

He is imagining a future with his ex where they get married. Now, he didn’t say it outright but these things are never that cut and dry.

Often we operate in that grey area of the human psyche.

Here’s the point.

He says this to her and then ultimately gets back with her.

Sources And Citations

What to Read Next

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By Chris Seiter | 2 comments

He Said “I Love You But I’m Not IN LOVE With You” And Then He Came Back

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1,500 thoughts on “7 Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back (Based On Case Studies)”

  1. Avatar

    Katie

    May 23, 2020 at 9:08 am

    Hi there, so here’s my story.
    My ex and I split up a week ago. I have been distraught and inconsolable since.
    We started dating 11 months ago, it has been an absolute whirlwind romance. He met my children after just 3 weeks, which as a rule I would never normally do, and since then we have been through so much together. Many ups but a few downs as couples do. We were deeply in love and talking about marriage.
    The day he left, we both woke in a bit of a bad mood, possibly because of the lockdown due to covid-19. We had a little row over what started with a cup of tea and me accusing him of talking to me like a child, as the argument grew, I mentioned something about ‘MY KIDS’ which didn’t go down well as we refer to them as ours, he has been a great step dad in all but name and this hurt him. For the rest of the day we gave each other the silent treatment.
    In the evening, I started drinking, which I know massively regret. He came downstairs to say something and another argument ensued, only this time I mentioned something about one of his exes (this is my biggest insecurity and in no way his fault). He said he was leaving to go to his friends for a beer but I misheard him and thought he said he was leaving. I told him if he was leaving to take his things and threw his clothes at him. This was 8 days ago. Since then I have sent the usual begging and pleading texts and asked him to come home and he said he needed space, which I couldn’t do
    He asked for some things 4 days after leaving and I took them to him, we talked and he said I’d hurt him too badly and he couldn’t see a way past it. Again I begged and pleaded and promised that the past stays there and he said he couldn’t take that chance. He said he didn’t think I could change and actions speak louder than words, but he wont let me show him how sorry I am and how much I love and care for him. I sent him a couple more really heart felt messages to which he read but didn’t respond. Then on day 6 he called me about the rest of his things and asked if I could store them here for him, I said yes. I asked again if we were really over and he said we were incompatable and just wouldn’t work. This was a massive shock, I have told people who know us as a couple and they have said we are extremely compatable and are just as shocked, does he really believe this?
    Now I am into my 2nd day of the no contact rule. It has been a struggle and I am slowly packing everything of his away into storage.
    So what I really want to know is, is there any way back from this? Have I blown all chances with my insecurities and constant texting?
    I’m currently working on my insecurities using bullet journalling and have a telephone appointment with a therapist scheduled to combat these problems.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 10, 2020 at 12:02 am

      Hi Katie, if you want to change the outcome of your texts, you need to complete a NC where you focus on yourself. your insecurities and realising your worth.

  2. Avatar

    Kate

    May 21, 2020 at 5:55 pm

    Hi there, so here’s my story.
    My ex and I split up a week ago. I have been distraught and inconsolable since.
    We started dating 11 months ago, it has been an absolute whirlwind romance. He met my children after just 3 weeks, which as a rule I would never normally do, and since then we have been through so much together. Many ups but a few downs as couples go.
    The day he left, we both woke in a bit of a bad mood, possibly because of the lockdown due to covid-19. We had a little row over what started with a cup of tea and me accusing him of talking to me like a child, as the argument grew, I mentioned something about ‘MY KIDS’ which didn’t go down well as we refer to them as ours, he has been a great step dad in all but name and this hurt him. For the rest of the day we gave each other the silent treatment.
    In the evening, I started drinking, which I know massively regret. He came downstairs to say something and another argument ensued, only this time I mentioned something about one of his exes (this is my biggest insecurity and in no way his fault). He said he was leaving to go to his friends for a beer but I misheard him and thought he said he was leaving. I told him if he was leaving to take his things and threw his clothes at him. This was 8 days ago. Since then I have sent the usual begging and pleading texts and asked him to come home and he said he needed space, which I couldn’t do
    He asked for some things 4 days after leaving and I took them to him, we talked and he said I’d hurt him too badly and he couldn’t see a way past it. Again I begged and pleaded and promised that the past stays there and he said he couldn’t take that chance. He said he didn’t think I could change and actions speak louder than words, but he wont let me show him how sorry I am and how much I love and care for him. I sent him a couple more really heart felt messages to which he read but didn’t respond. Then on day 6 he called me about the rest of his things and asked if I could store them here for him, I said yes. I asked again if we were really over and he said we were incompatable and just wouldn’t work. This was a massive shock, I have told people who know us as a couple and they have said we are extremely compatable and are just as shocked, does he really believe this?
    Now I am into my 2nd day of the no contact rule. It has been a struggle and I am slowly packing everything of his away into storage.
    So what I really want to know is, is there any way back from this? Have I blown all chances with my insecurities and constant texting?
    I’m currently working on my insecurities using bullet journalling and have a telephone appointment with a therapist scheduled to combat these problems.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 29, 2020 at 4:39 pm

      Hi Kate, if you are working on yourself and improving your self confidence. Working to be Ungettable then you are giving yourself all the help that you need to show your ex that you are making positive changes to yourself. Use social media to show this do not tell them directly. Then when you have completed your No Contact you enter the texting phase with confidence and emotional control

  3. Avatar

    Molly

    April 25, 2020 at 10:25 pm

    Me and my ex live slightly long distance, were very happy and very soon into the relationship I started getting the train to his and staying over, he never came to me anymore, but I live at home so I kind of understood why considering he has his own place, he randomly started going distant, always complaining about the distance between us and how he wishes to see me more, I started taking time off work to go to see him earlier.the he started drifting, told me on message on my way home he see’s us struggling to work, we had a phone call when I got home and I give him another chance and forgive him, he carried on being distant and left me stranded st the station, I had to find my way to his place and he wasn’t even home, he went the gym and the shop even though he knew when I was arriving at the station. Then we had lockdown and I mentioned FaceTiming which he said he didn’t want to FaceTime me at all which caused a disagreement, he never messaged for 2 days, on the second day I rang him after work and he was moody, he ended up hanging up on me and I split up with him, I missed him so a day or so later I messaged asking for him back, we got back together and a week later he breaks up with me saying he feels distant from me which he was acting anyway, he hadn’t really changed much. It’s been about 3 weeks now and he messaged me asking ‘how’s life?’ He then sends a huge paragraph explaining what’s going on in his head, he says he misses me a lot, regrets all he did, goes on about how badly he treated me and he regrets it, will do anything to get me back and how he wasn’t himself and wasn’t thinking straight and how it wasn’t him. I ignored him so later on he sent 3 selfies and 2 messages saying about his hair cut and his hat he has because he doesn’t like his hair cut, i ignore that so he messaged a little later saying he is sorry, he will leave me alone and goodnight, I ended up messaging him wanting answers, we had a long in depth chat and he even cried a few times, he sent me a picture and he actually was crying…he has been messaging me since saying how he is going to prove to me he is genuine and means it and how much he wants me back and so on. He has had chances before though and was never actually sorry and never changed, he claims he feels better and himself now and he got scared of his feelings for me and pained me away due to bad past experiences but I don’t know whether he is Just playing games with Me to use me or if he is genuine and actually wants me back and actually really likes me….My parents And friends think he is an idiot And told me not to contact him which they dint know I have and said to not go back there, I just don’t know whether to listen to them and not go back there because he is using me or if He is genuine…do you have any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 12:40 pm

      Hi Molly, my advice is to think about yourself and what you want. IF this is the type of boyfriend he is, is that enough for you? If he is willing to change, how many times are you willing to give him that chance to change? I can’t really tell you if he is genuine or not, but during this time of the “lock down” is going to show his efforts of keeping in touch. As you are not able to visit for now.

  4. Avatar

    Sam

    March 19, 2020 at 8:39 pm

    Hi there, my ex broke up with me because he needed time to get his life back in check. This happened around a month ago, and we agreed to just stay friends for the rest of our future. He gave up on the relationship when he made the decision to break up. Recently, he has been texting me a lot, sending many flirtatious comments, and reminicing. What could be going on with him? Is he texting me because he is bored or is he trying to get back together? How should I be responding to all his texts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Sam so if your ex is reaching out to you and is flirting then I would say they are showing interest in you. If you are going to try to get your ex back then use this to build rapport and get some meet ups going. Make sure that you do not sleep with them unless you are back in a relationship. I would be responding to the texts positively and making conversation too. The most important factor is that you END THE CONVERSATION FIRST

  5. Avatar

    Vero

    January 23, 2020 at 7:51 am

    Hi!

    I have a question…My bf (or I guess ex bf) left his phone at my house after an argument. I had a couple cocktails that night and went through his phone. I found some emails to his ex girlfriend. A lot of them were during rough patches we were having. We’ve been on and off for about two years. The things he said to her I wish I could unsee. He said he has never loved anyone like he loved her and that he thinks about her everyday. She never even replied. I haven’t talked to him since. It’s been 4 days. He’s messaged me on and off but hasn’t really said much. I think he’s afraid I went through his phone but doesn’t know for sure so he’s not saying anything. I guess I’m feeling torn because on one hand i think maybe I should tell him it’s over (even though i wish it didn’t have to be but those messages are too much) or keep doing the no contact on him. I’d love for him to beg me like he did her in those messages. Yes, it’s petty but I’m hurt and I don’t know what to do. Help! Lol

    Thank you for reading this!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 23, 2020 at 9:51 am

      Hey Vero, so those messages to his ex are obviously going to hurt you but you are not going to look good if you tell him you have read them and gone through his phone. I suggest that you go into a no contact and ignore any messages he sends unless he asks for his phone back to which you hand it back and then go back into no contact for the rest of the 30 days. If you want him to beg for you back then you are going to have to look into what it means to be ungettable do the work and then start reaching out at the end of your no contact

  6. Avatar

    Joe

    January 13, 2020 at 10:04 am

    Hi,

    My ex broke up with me about a month and half ago! OvEr christmas (which is a very difficult time for her) we had constant contact and saw each other a few times! Showing clear signs of interest towards me even telling me she loved me on several occasions however was determined the break up was the right thing! We broke up because we were both going through an exceptionally difficult time and it put a lot of stress on our relationship causing tension, lack of space and mistrust but no major disagreements! Since new year she has initiated contact everyday and is constantly monitoring my social media. She Is currently showing six out of the seven signs in this article! Im considering going radio silence contact as i believe she struggling to let go of the resentment around some of issues from the relationship and we are going round in circles! Any advice you could give even though i know she is a female (i would say emotionally she is quite masculine however) would be much appreciated! We were always attracted to each other long before we actually met and hit it off straight away. I love her very much and we both have stated several times that we have never met someone we have so much in common with and get on so well with! It would be shame to lose each other…. but i feel i may have to let go soon!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Joe, so if they are showing the signs above and they are initiating contact with you often then they are showing that they are interested in you still so I suggest you start asking to meet for coffee, and build those meet ups to a more romantic setting gradually to see what sort of response you get, if you feel you are done then explaining this to your ex that you can no longer speak with them while you get over them and be as honest and kind with your words as you can

  7. Avatar

    Stephanie

    December 1, 2019 at 3:39 pm

    Hey Chris and team, my ex literally brought my things back on day 3 of no contact. I was at a guys house and my ex can see my location on the “ find my “ app for iPhone and I can’t see his location but he can see mine. Anyway he didn’t text me saying he would leave my things at my house he literally left it on my door without letting me know and he decided to finally change his profile pic of us to just a picture of him all at the same time. Is this a bad sign because he didn’t text me at all saying anything or without letting me know that he would be dropping my things off I know you guys are busy with things but if you have the time to give me some input or to clear things up on what the hell he is thinking it would be appreciated.. Much love to all of you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Stephanie, does he know the guy you were going to see at the time? It sounds more of an emotional reaction if it seems that you are doing well and spending time with other guys already it made him hurt/angry. So you need to complete a no contact, and then reach out in 30 days with a short but friendly conversation. IF you are interested in getting back with him that is of course.

  8. Avatar

    Girl in love

    October 12, 2019 at 9:19 pm

    Thanks Shaunna. You are right (I don’t need the stuff). I am looking for a reason to see him.
    I did around 2 weeks of NC then he contacted me and I have responded (silly). Well I don’t have any other choice then to start NC again I suppose?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 12, 2019 at 10:49 pm

      Im afriad so – but stick with it and be stern with yourself this time

  9. Avatar

    Girl in love

    October 3, 2019 at 9:12 am

    Hi
    What if he doesn’t want to give my stuff back?
    Is there hope? Do they do it regularly after break ups? Well, logically if he wants me to get out of his life: here is your stuff move on, girl..
    There is a lot of clothes cosmetics lingerie
    It’s creepy if he dates someone and those things are still there.
    A month and a half passed since the break up now

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 3, 2019 at 10:04 pm

      Hi Girl, sometimes its about what you NEED over what you have left behind. The things that you mentioned above can be replaced easily. But if he is holding onto them then he may be waiting until he is ready to face you to return them. Have you completed a NC? If so make sure your texts are interesting to him to get him wanting to reply

  10. Avatar

    A

    September 29, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    Hi guys, I’m not sure if I’m posting under the correct topic but I’d like some advice on my current situation. My ex and I were together for 4 years and we have been broken up since February and I did go into NC straight away, I decided because it was our 3rd breakup that I wouldnt actively start getting him back and instead, work on my self and improve my life, kinda like moving on without moving on in a way to see if I still wanted to be with him later down the line, fast forward 7 months, with absolutely no contact, my ex sends me a friend request on Facebook. I was so overwhelmed by it and eventually I did accept it. I don’t know if I done the right thing.. why would he send it now? I’m not interested in a friendship because I feel he dosent even know how much pain he caused. I will mention, after our breakup I did unfriend and unfollow on social media but somehow he still views my snap stories over the past few months as that’s one place I never took him off. His birthday is coming up soon and I’m unsure if I should reach out and wish him happy birthday as I’m afraid it might spark a conversation that I feel I might not be emotionally ready for. What advice can you give? Why would he send a request after this long? I’ve been trying to not read too much into it but it caught me off guard after so long without anything, I don’t want to get any hopes up incase he has no plans on getting back together or at least seeing where things are between us. I want to continue improving myself. Is this his way of keeping me around? Or is it just purely innocent? What do you suggest my next move would be or do I keep silent until he initiates contact, if at all?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 29, 2019 at 8:56 pm

      Hi A, so if you don’t want the emotional conversation with him then I do suggest not reaching out to him any time soon. The fact he added you randomly after some time may have been you were on his mind and he chose to see what was going on with you. Even his attempt to start contact again. IF you want him back then I do suggest doing something about it soon as we do say maximum No Contact needs to be close to 45 days. And this may be your way to start the texting phase and build rapport between you both.

  11. Avatar

    Oscar

    May 23, 2019 at 6:04 pm

    Hi Chris, first of all thank you for the amazing help you are providing for all of us, i have a quick question, hope you can help me out, i broke up with my ex 5 months ago (she dumped me), she entered a rebound 2 months after, two days ago she contacted me via FB asking for some pictures, i said sure, since it’s like 15gb of files i told her that i could leave a usb with the receptionist at work, she insisted to see me in person, i honestly miss her, it was almost 3 years together, but deep down i know i don’t want to get back together, since the brake up i started a business, started meditating daily and hitting the gym on a consistent basis, im happy for myself of what im accomplishing, what would you do in my situation? best regards 🙂

  12. Avatar

    Kira

    January 15, 2019 at 4:48 pm

    I fall for the reverse physiology he do to me , i end up crying . I feel like I ruined it . How can i fix it?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 15, 2019 at 11:09 pm

      Hi Kira…important to focus on your own healing and recovery first, while also coming up with your ex recovery plan. That is what I try to teach people!

  13. Avatar

    Jimae

    November 16, 2018 at 6:08 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I broke up 2weeks now. The first week I never heard form him. I called 200x and text more than that too but never replied. One week after the break up he visited Philippines again from hongkong for work. He met me on Wednesday, we talked but said I am not man you are looking for and we had a very horrible fight how can we reconcile that? Make story short I couldn’t convince him to get back together. We didn’t met Thursday. But invited me for dinner and movies on Friday. So we had some sort date and then I ended the night begging him. He refused for giving me another one more chance. He also said thanks for everything etc. And said we need space. I never stop messaging him. And then one day I stop. The next night he sent me message like “miss my rabbit(our pet name). Hope you’re well”. I didn’t reply that nite. But I couldn’t resist replying. So the next morning I replied with “you know I always miss you more”. And then he just read on my message for almost two days. In short I make efforts again. I said I miss him can you call me. He called me. Said how is he. He said “stress at work. Home. You”. Why me? Bc I’m still bothering you? He replied with “bc I miss you you know that” he even said it’s okay if I didn’t guve him the soace he asked from me. And even told me talk soon. He still want hearing my voice. It was last nite. And he didn’t text me after thay call last nite and even today haven’t heard from him. Do you think He just wanted to be friendly? I am planning to start my NC today. You think it would work for him? Does he mewnt whay he said? I am hoping he meant whay he said. And it’s hurting me so bad. im hoping for your kind response. Thank you. God bless more.
    Jimae

  14. Avatar

    Ella

    November 1, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I am currently doing the No contact rule. It’s my 10th day. What kind of strategy? What would you recommend?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 1, 2018 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Ella!

      Congrats for getting to day 10. First you want to make sure you understand all the elements of effectively implementing NC as well as all the things that cme after it. So I suggest you pick up my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” so you are up to speed in the most efficient way.

  15. Avatar

    Ella

    October 31, 2018 at 1:29 pm

    Hi Chris and Jennifer,

    We lived together for more than a year. I went home (another country) for two months and that’s when we started fighting. The first month was fine but then he would get really jelaous and we would fight over the phone. When I left home and moved back with him he would say that he doesn’t trust me, that our relationship has no future, that I don’t love him and he would act cold. Then suddenly he would be caring and nice again and then he’d be cold again. We kept fighting and we broke up. He told me he has no feelings because of the fighting and again he doesn’t trust me. I finally had enough of proving him that I love him and told him that I need to be alone.Asked him to move out as soon as possible. He was kinda surprised that I was serious about it but he moved to a friend’s house. After less than one week of no contact he had to come over to the flat to meet with the landlady. He came 3 hours earlier. No idea why. He was really kind and was asking me questions – am I okay, do I need help with anything etc. So today it’s been less than 10 days of no contact and I get a text from him for my birthday. Wished me a happy birthday and told me to always be that beautiful, good, gentle and caring. I replied with a basic thanks after 4 hours. What do you think about the situation? I’m really confused.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 1, 2018 at 3:02 am

      Hi Ella!

      Best to have a plan going forward so you are operating from some strategy. Have you tapped into any of my resources on the site? It seems you are still in the NC process, but there are way to optimize it.

  16. Avatar

    Meemo

    October 27, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    Been a month since our breakup, I haven’t fully been able to attempt NC… we have 1 1/2yr old daughter, so we need to keep in contact. I was doing alright with minimal texting until a few weeks ago when he came to my house for a visit with our daughter. We ended up having sex and told each other we’d talk more in a few days. That day came and he was hesitant to talk, nothing new there. He told me it was a moment of weakness when we slept together. I was calm, honest, sencere asking him if we could just stay separated for awhile and date again, try to rekindle things and get to know each other again (since our relationship was a fast one). But he said “no. I just think nothing will change, I don’t like going through the ups and downs… I don’t think I can change. What he means by “change” is when I’d request communication and the fact I had concerns as to if he was happy to come home after work, as I feel he likes to stay late and socialize. He works at a brewery, where we met as coworkers. I was never afraid to voice my concerns: Are you happy here with us? I feel like you never engage in conversation, as if your work scene got the best of you….
    I’m 31, he’s 26. We’ve been together for 2 yrs. I get SO many mixed messages from him.

    Since the break up we’ve slept together a few times. I’m not planning to anymore, as it just leads to the obvious- more heartache.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 4:27 am

      Hi Meemo!

      I understand that you are unable to fully implement NC. That’s fine. I talk a lot about all the versions of NC and how it can work for you and many other things in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. So soak that up if you wish to learn more. I understand the lure of sleeping with an ex. But now you have learned that it sometimes doesn’t solve things.

  17. Avatar

    Jessi

    October 27, 2018 at 12:46 am

    Hi Chris,

    I have been reading all your content and want to thank you for everything you put up, it’s really helped me, I bought your UG guide years ago but not sure if it’s different to your new one?? I’ve done a lot of work on myself but I’m really struggling and I need your help…
    I am 8months post break up from my ex boyfriend, we were together 6months but was intense….We have met a few times since, I did NC for 3weeks since after as it was a short relationship, and slowly started building positive rapport through texts for months and we met for a date, went well, lots of laughter fun and chemistry. He then disappears on me for a month ignoring all my texts which broke my heart. Then he texted me appologising and said he struggled and wanted to contact me but couldn’t. Second time we met, I made the mistake of sleeping with him and have done so since…
    Recently I’ve got him helping me out with some project work, but he’s told me we are not dating and we are not getting back together but he spent a lot of time over the phone helping me with work stuff. He got very jealous when I asked him to recommend me another architect when he didn’t want to further help me himself because of time and said he really cares for me like no one else will and no one else can help me and that we could get married one day and have children. He was drunk when he said this after being jealous. I’m very confused because he doesn’t ask to see me or anything, it’s me always initiating, we text daily- I’m reaching out and it’s mostly been positive responses from him. Where do I go from here now??? I can’t seem to let go. I tried backing off and doing NC for a week again to see if he would initiate and he didn’t reach out and I ended up caving and texting him again in fear of losing him. And took ages to build rapport up again to what it was. He seems to respond positively a lot and regularly opens up about his work and life but other times I’m chasing him and get upset when he ignores me and gnat him to reply and then he does.

    Sorry this is long, I feel like giving up now but can’t…I’ve come so far.

    Any advice appreciated.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 5:01 am

      Hi Jessi!

      I have re-written my core eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. Its now 485 pages long and cover a heck of a lot of material!

      Perhaps a longer use of No Contact might be worth your effort if what you have been trying isn’t getting any traction. I talk about all of the ways you can leverage the NC principle in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. If one is going to do it, its best to do it correctly so that not only do you find your own healing, but do things to reinforce your value. It seems he is taking your for granted and doesn’t appreciate your full value.

  18. Avatar

    Roxanne

    October 18, 2018 at 12:16 am

    Hi Chris, many thanks for this article. I’ve had an ex do some of the things (2,3,4,7) you mentioned in the article, including future pacing. However, after a couple of weeks he seemed to have stopped doing them altogether, and gone cold. Any idea why? Has he given up, or changed his mind?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 18, 2018 at 11:22 pm

      Hi Roxanne!

      No sure why, but interest can wax and wane. Try igniting it again indirectly via social media

  19. Avatar

    Alexa

    August 14, 2018 at 9:22 pm

    My boyfriend has reached out to me multiple times to come get my stuff but has only said nasty things; he seems to have strong emotions, saying “life is unfair to you because you’ll never have the privilege of dating Elmer again” and “don’t even try because there’s no chance for reconciliation” and “I have a new girlfriend” and “I could care less about you.” This is all him reaching out to me, I’ve never contacted him before. He says he wants to “give me back my stuff” and then throws in all these nasty messages. I didn’t talk to him for more than a month, did no contact, then he reached out to me after i unblocked him telling me all these things. He also wrote me an email
    which was quite nasty as well, although he apologized for screaming at me when he broke up with me. Since he only has strongly negative things to say to me (although he is the one always reaching out), do you think I have a chance? He was never like this during our relationship, and we were supposed to get engaged shortly after he broke up with me. What’s the best way to respond to him since he seems so angry (but yet at some point, I’d hope to work things out with him)?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:51 pm

      HI Alexa….it seems he is still in the angry stage. So best to no worry about your things for now or arrange for someone else to pick them up for you. I do think you have a chance, but you would benefit if you follow my program. There are some do’s and don’ts and right now you want to avoid playing into his anger.

  20. Avatar

    Jen

    August 14, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    I have a question, so what if at a break up, he states that, “we will never be done”? However, 4 months later he knocks up his next girl he dates and Marries her 4 months into the pregnancy. What would he be thinking? We run into each other in town here and there, and he always, I mean always makes it a point to walk by me. Even if he doesn’t have to. But, he shoots me dirty looks and seems very uncomfortable.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:55 pm

      It seems he still has some unresolved feelings.

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