By Chris Seiter

Updated on August 10th, 2021

Stop me if I sound like a broken record but going through a breakup is the equivalent of going through a cocaine withdrawal.

Now, that’s a pretty bold statement but it’s actually true.

Studies have proven that the part of the brain that becomes active when you are heartbroken is the same part of the brain that lights up in cocaine addiction.

You aren’t in your right mind to even think about getting an ex back (if that’s even what you want.)

And to top it off the amount of anxiety you are experiencing with a breakup can be overwhelming for a lot of people which is why I brought Gina Ryan, from “The Anxiety Coaches Podcast” onto the show today to give you some techniques that you can use to deal with the anxiety that you are experiencing in your breakup.

How To Deal With Anxiety In Your Breakup

What We Talk About In This Episode

  • Gina’s inspiring story about how she handled her anxiety struggles
  • My familiarity with panic attacks
  • The affect anxiety can have on your body (hint hint: it’s not good!)
  • The two fold strategy for handling anxiety issues
  • The RAIN acronym

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Interview Transcript

What to Read Next

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34 thoughts on “Here’s How To Deal With Anxiety In Your Breakup”

  1. Nikole Stellmon

    February 20, 2018 at 2:26 am

    Hey there, I am going through a breakup but I am pregnant. For a while during our relationship I was extremely depressed and he left me saying he couldn’t handle if I didn’t get help. That night I admitted myself into the hospital and the doctor told me I was pregnant. Going and telling my ex the next day made him want to get back together with me. I set up many therapy appointments and I was getting the help I needed. When his parents found out about the baby, they came to our apartment and told him to pack his stuff and he left me there with no job and no money. After a few weeks he reached out to me after one of the baby appointments (he went to every single one) and we got back together again. He proposed for the second time and we started planning a wedding for June 9th 2018 before the baby was due in August. Yesterday he told me he was extremely depressed and felt like nothing in our relationship has changed from before. I tried to help him talk it out and help figure out a way for him to get help but In the end, he took my ring back and walked out the door saying “he couldn’t do it anymore”. He has now left 3 times. Of course I want him back because our baby and I love him but is it worth it? I have not contacted him and his mother reached out to me saying she had no idea what was going on with him. I’m confused and sick and he’s not only hurting me but the baby as well. What should I do? Do you think he is completely done with me? Do I have a chance of getting him back? Please help me.

  2. sweety

    August 19, 2017 at 6:45 pm

    Hi, I’m a girl who is very passionate and dedicated towards my career. I went to other state for my higher education there i met a guy who s vry good looking and from a very middle class background, we were very good friends in the beginning and he proposed me for marriage and as i too had feelings for him i accepted his proposal, for one year we were very good and loved each other alot. But later he started avoiding me and i was tensed started to text him continously, on the top my parents were forcing me for marriage with other person. I was so frustated and irritated my guy by continously calling and texting him. Few months back he broke up with me. And after that i begged him and asked for chance but he didnt accept. Now he went far away from me and he hates me alot. He neither wants to talk to me nor see my face. I tried no contact rule but couldnt continue it for more than 2 weeks. He said now thete is no use of talking to him as he s over me. But i still love him and want him back. Im really not able to move on. Please suggest me what I can do.?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 6:52 pm

      Hi Sweety,

      restart nc and do it for yourself. Do at least 45 days. Be active in healing, improving yourself and in posting.

  3. Mary

    March 7, 2017 at 3:01 am

    Hi Amor,

    My ex and I have been going through a very drawn out break up. He first told me he didnt feel the attraction and no longer wanted to be in a relationship about 5 months ago however with my anxiety reaction he would always subdue it by telling me its not over etc. we were together for 2 years. 1 of those years we spent living together (I moved to his home country and it was very difficult for me as I didnt have a job, studies, friends or family and felt rather depressed). About 3 weeks ago he made the break up final. I was living at his place but have now gotten myself an apartment. He has been helping me with the apartment every day and constantly tells me he is here for me. He is still interested in sex but we are not doing that now. I think he has been treating me exceptionally well after seeing me have a few panic attacks over the break up. On my first night in the new place he told me to come hug him and then said that if I feel scared or sad then I just call him and he will be there. I have been struggling with his continued presence in my life as I just want him back as my partner rather than this ‘helping guy’. On Saturday he helped me move a large piece of furniture and the whole day I was crying in front of him, telling him I miss him and having panic attacks. He felt so bad and was hugging me often. He kept trying to talk to me like normal but I just couldnt talk. That day as he was leaving he hugged me really tight and kissed my forehead for a long time. He invited me for dinner but I declined. It was at that moment I decided I need to try NC as I am not getting anywhere with this behaviour. After he left he texted asking if I would like him to bring me dinner, I did not reply. The next morning he texted to ask if the furniture was working, I did not reply. Later that day he tried to call and I still did not reply. What I am curious about though is should I tell him that I really appreciate all his help and in respecting his decision to break up, I will need some space as we cant be friends? Or should I continue to not reply. I feel that I owe him a reply as he has been so caring but Im worried that replying may ruin my chances in the future of reconciling? If I should reply, do I then have to start NC from the beginning again (it has been 3 days)?

    1. Mary

      March 7, 2017 at 3:07 am

      I am also beginning to really work on myself. I have been actively posting things on social media to show a happy change.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 7, 2017 at 2:43 pm

      Hi Mary,

      for me you should tell him you appreciate his concern but you’re going to need space to heal. But don’t tell him for how long, and yes, restart the count after that..

  4. Helen

    February 6, 2017 at 2:56 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me after i found out he was flirting with one of my close friends (she told me) and i want him back, but he says he doesnt love me, and doesnt want to get back. He just moved to another city, and i can not implement No contact rule because he says himself he doesnt want to text me not to hurt me anymore. He wants to stay friends, cos i am his closest friend as he says. He always said we were more than bf and gf. (We dated for 1 year btw) so today i wrote him and i asked how serious he likes her, and he first got angry but then said he doesnt know. I know he is still texting her… what should i do? Can i get him back? we speak just fine as friends,but i want him to love me again, please help me.. i believe you helped so many people, so i have faith..

    1. Helen

      February 7, 2017 at 11:26 am

      Thank you so much for your fast reply!
      But what if during the No Contact he will move on and start dating another girl? (My friend that he was flirting with for instance) 🙁

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2017 at 9:51 pm

      you’re welcome..I think you should check this:
      Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 6, 2017 at 2:17 pm

      Hi Helenx
      you’re allowing him to put you in the friendzone.. if you really want a chance of him to value you, value yourself first..start at least 30 days of no contact and focus in healing and improving yourself

  5. Lisa

    January 10, 2017 at 12:35 am

    Hi Chris and Amor ,
    I am currently in around day 20 of no contact . I have bought your PRO e book and have found it to be very helpful . Thank you Chris for all the hard work you put into this . Let me tell you I have read and studied many works by other relationship experts and yours is by far my favorite 🙂 At such a young age , that is very impressive Chris 🙂 Anyway , I just wanted your opinion on my initial text after no contact that I am thinking of sending . My ex loves snowboarding so I am thinking of sending this : ” You’re not going to believe what I just heard from a friend . I heard they are opening up a snowboard shop locally . It made me think of you . I know how much you like snowboarding . Hope you’re doing well and hope your dad is also doing well . ” ( his dad got diagnosed with cancer a couple months ago )… Please give me an honest opinion Chris on what you think and if I should change , add , or omit anything . As you say , the initial text after no contact is one of the most important so I definitely want to perfect it ! Thanks again for all your hard work . No words can describe how much it’s appreciated 🙂

    1. Lisa

      January 11, 2017 at 12:12 am

      Ok thank you please forward it to Chris

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2017 at 9:35 pm

      Hi Liss,

      I’ll forward this to Chris, but I cant promise an immediate response. My take is that, that’s a good one.. 🙂

  6. jane

    January 7, 2017 at 9:13 pm

    And yesterday he saw that I added a girl he talked with and he got a bit mad and texted me. Today he said he accidentally called me on snapchat. And again in a short conversation he used 4-5 times a cute nickname he used in the relationship.. will he ever come back? I mean like i said the the upper commen everytime he sees me he has a weakness for me. I mean it s like every time we see each other and he sees i m ignoring him he wants me. And he asks a lot about other boys and stuff. And his mother asks a lot. What do you think? He says he only makes sex but he still loves me and he doesnt understand why..i was his first love for 2 years. But i have a problem..we never made sex until the end (so both of us come) because my self eestem was low. But at the new years eve he was impressed by what i did. Do you think it is important for a guy the first girl he had sex with (me) or the girl that makes him finish? 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 7:52 pm

      Ah so you had sex, he just didnt finish. it depends, yes it might matter if he’s young because from what you described, he likes doing it. He just wont admit it, he says he doesn’t know why he likes it.

  7. Jane

    January 4, 2017 at 6:20 pm

    Hey. Me and my ex broke up 5 months ago because we were fighting a lot. Throughout these 5 months, we met a couple of times accidentally and he always came to talk with me. When we meet he is usually very open and communicative (even though he was the one who broke up) and sometimes even asking me about other boys and claiming that he still loves me, or bringing memories, yet after a day when I would ask him something on facebook he would be cold. I decided to ignore him and for 7 weeks we didn’t talk. We have the same group of friends and we all met last week. He kept staring at me and he came home with the cab I ordered with my friend (even payed). When we left he called me the nickname he used in our relationship. After 2 days, we met again to pay for the New Years Eve cabin where we went. Again he started a conversation there with me. So for 3 days we were in the same place. When we got to the cabin, he asked for my telephone charger. I gave it to him and after we all got tipsy, he suddenly kissed me.. we kind of did a couple of things and he kept asking me if I got someone and if that person is better and stuff. He was drunk and I saw in his phone a picture after sex with a girl or two. I totally felt horrible even though we re not together. He usually shows off in front of his friends and now he says that he wants just to have sex with girls and is not ready again for a relationship. We played a game to drink if we did something a person questions. we were asked if we had sex recently with someone ( I drank just to get him jealous). He burst out and said that I told him I didn’t and why. and everyone said he was jealous. Later on i took care of him even though he sometimes wanted me away when he was mad at his friends. I put him to bed to sleep and suddenly he told me that he still loves me very much.. and I am still the most beautiful girl even though he talks with a couple of girls. He even has tinder.. I dont know why is he so obsessed with meeting girls. I was the first girl he had sex with and a relationship. I was hurt to find out that he is like so desperate to meet girl and just have sex without feelings. Yet I wanted to have sex with him and he also said he misses a lot (even though me had sex 2 months ago). While making sex he kept asking me about the boy Im talking with, if he is better, if he s beautiful, If I would choose him over him. He said he would choose me because I am his first love yet now he has girls that he has sex with that are careless. I always catch him staring and he always calls me by the nickname he used in the relationship.. I left him a message in which i told him I want him to change (not for me because I have other plans). He used to be so good and now I cannot believe or imagine him having sex with other girls. Every time I am in the same place with him I always ignore him and he always makes the first move and sometimes he even asks why am I not asking him first something. Is it just sex or he obviously is still in love with me ? (he also told me his mother constantly asks about me, annd he also asks about my family) I also want to say he has bad friends that influence him a lot

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2017 at 6:34 pm

      Hi Jane,

      guys are different with sex.they can do it without emotional attachment. That doesn’t mean it’s ok for him to sleep around but if you want things to progress between you two, keep in mind too that when he did those you two were broken up. so, technically, he’s free to do those..