By Shannon

Some relationships end easily with the mutual decision to go separate ways and to remain friends. You meet for coffee every now an then and you support each other’s new relationships.

In a fantasy land all relationships would end this way.

But we don’t live in a fantasy land… sadly…

Some relationships definitely do NOT end that way.

These relationships end with anger, sadness and pain.

Maybe one person wronged the other

Perhaps there were fundamental differences in your religious beliefs

Maybe you just wanted to live in different places.

Relationships can end badly for many different reasons. Sometimes they aren’t always obvious. You are just left knowing that it ended badly and that you and your ex are on bad terms.

Can these relationships still be salvaged if things were left uncomfortable and not on good terms?

Why yes, yes, they can.

The most important thing to remember is that these things are going to take time. There is a time line for negative emotions in the EBR guidelines:

  • Immediately After a Breakup = 9-10 (Very Bad Feelings)
  • A Month After the Breakup = 5-6 (Moderately Bad Feelings)
  • Two Months After a Breakup = 3-4 (Improved Feelings)

As soon as a relationship ends tensions and emotions are high and it is easy to want to shout how you are feeling from the rooftops.

Don’t do that.

If your emotions are high, then it is likely that they are high for your ex as well.

Looking at the timeline above you’ll notice that feelings start to improve after one month. The No Contact period just happens to fall perfectly into this.

If things ended badly for you and your ex then you are going to have to go through a longer No Contact than usual. Generally speaking 30-45 days is a pretty safe amount of time. However, every situation is different. The only thing that is certain is that throwing your emotions at an ex who already views you in a negative light is only going to set you back further.

During the No Contact period your ex will have time to forget all the negative emotions that came with the end of the relationship.

But time can’t do all the work for you.

So, what should you do during the time apart?

Work on the trifecta! We here ate ExBoyfriendRecovery call it The Holy Trinity.

If you are unfamiliar or new to EBR, let’s review.

The three areas of focus following a breakup (particularly a bad one) are:

  • Health
  • Wealth
  • Relationships

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Health

After a breakup it’s easy to let yourself go. You might stop showering daily. The gym might not seem so appealing any more. Some people take comfort in the arms of the two most understanding men I have ever met: Ben and Jerry.

It’s all so easy and comforting, just giving in to being sad.

But, it’s not going to get you any closer to getting your ex back. In fact, it’s likely to do the opposite.

Look at it this way:

Would you want your ex back more if they gained a bunch of weight and smelled bad

OR

Would you want them back if they started lifting more weights and smelled good all the time?

Wait, don’t answer yet.

Just picture it for a minute.

Do you have the image in your head?

Now picture yourself running into your ex on your way home from an ice cream run after not showering for four days.

Did you cringe a little bit?

Let’s not have this visual become a reality. Taking time to exercise and take care of yourself is going to not only make you feel better about yourself, it’s going to project a vibe that will draw people to you.

People like your ex.

Wealth

The second aspect of the trifecta is wealth.

Having wealth does not only mean having money. It means having a means of continuing to have money…. In other words, it means having a job.

While people may say that money doesn’t matter or that it isn’t everything, they lie. Money does matter for several reasons.

  1. You’ll have independence. You’ll be able to support yourself which is not only a confidence booster, but it is attractive to potential suitors. If you relied a lot on your ex for money while you were together, showing them that you are bettering yourself financially will cause them to think twice and say “wow… she doesn’t need me?”
  2. Being able to support yourself will open you up for new opportunities. You’ll be able to buy a gym membership, new clothes, nice makeup. This is how health and wealth relate!

Relationships

Maintaining solid relationships that aren’t your ex will help you to cope with the loss in a healthy way. Friends will be there to help you  through the breakup and support you as you heal. Going out and experiencing things will help you to grow and develop on your own.

An added benefit of cultivating other relationships during a breakup is that your loved ones can help you see if this lost relationship is really what is best for you and what you truly want. Sometimes, it is easy to get blinded by the desire to be with someone and not realize that this person is not the one who is best for us.

Finally, going on dates with new men is another way of working the relationship part of the trifecta. Going on dates may seem scary but it will give you a sense of what you want in a relationship and what you deserve.

Added bonus you may just make your ex jealous! Is jealous good? It depends. If the reason for the break up is that you cheated, then no. Jealousy is a no go. However, in most other situations using a little bit of jealousy will make your ex question whether or not he is ready to give up what they had.

It’s Been Years Since We Broke Up

Now, what if the breakup was bad, but it has been awhile, as in longer than the original no contact period?

If you have already been working on yourself and feel like you are in a place where your health, wealth, and relationships have developed and that you are in a secure place then send ONE reach out text. You can refer to this article or the Texting Bible for help constructing the best reach out text ever.

However, understand that it is possible that while enough time has passed for you, it may not have been enough time for your ex.

Yes, even if it has been 2 years, 3 years, or eve 5 years. Sometimes it just takes longer for some people to get past things.

If you don’t get a response or if the response you get is negative, don’t panic. Simply take it in stride and respect that they need more time. Continue to work on yourself and try again after some time has passed. The Texting Bible lays out exactly how to hand negative and no responses depending on your situation.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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We Broke Up Because Of A Big Fight

The opposite end of the spectrum is that your ex ended things abruptly. If this is the situation take a deep breath.

Have you ever, in a fit of rage, said things that you didn’t actually mean?

Well, sometimes this happens, and couples break up out of the blue even when it isn’t what either one them truly wants. If your relationship ended in a heat of an argument just lay low and give it time.

More often than not, your ex will approach you after tensions have cooled.

We Didn’t Really Have a Good Reason For Breaking Up

If the relationship ended and there were no new signs that it was coming and no major blow out, then that is a little different.

You should still enter into no contact and begin to work on yourself but also look back on the relationship and try to figure out where things went wrong.

Yeah. I know. You are probably already doing that. But try to look for things you actually have control over correcting. Don’t just try and figure out who was at fault and try and find fuel for a pity party.

We Are Still Living Together

We have already covered how a little space and a little time can help resolve issues. But what if things ended badly and you just can’t get any space? What if you live together?

Story time!

I haven’t always written for EBR. Before I started doling out the advice, I came here to receive it.

My boyfriend and I lived together and had an UGLY breakup. And I mean UGLY. There was cheating, and verbal abuse and we were both to blame. However, we could not afford to get our own places and had no family living in the area to stay with.

We lived together as Exes for ONE ENTIRE YEAR… down to the month!!!

During that time, I used limited no contact twice and (before finding EBR) broke down and asked him to take me back on multiple occasions. Every time that I asked it went nowhere and I only ended up hurt.

Then one month before our one year break up anniversary, he went away for a military training. By the time he got back I had left for my own training.

This gave us about six weeks of actual No Contact. And guess what happened about five weeks into this no contact? HE ASKED FOR ME BACK! Woo!

Why am I telling you this story?

To make a point…. or two…

First, that living together as exes makes it incredibly difficult to make your ex miss you and want you back. The only way to truly do that is to be physically absent for a significant amount of time.

If you are unable to get out of living with your ex, then the second-best thing to do is to is get out of the house as much as possible.

Pick up new hobbies, make new friends, go on dates.

Make him feel like they are missing out on good times that they could have been sharing with you.

Differences in Our Core Beliefs

The last topic that is going to be covered in this article is what to do if the breakup was the result of core differences in your beliefs.

This is a very delicate area of discussion so specific topics are not going to be discussed in detail.

What is The Limited No Contact Rule?

What might these areas of difference be?

  • Religion
  • Sexual Orientation
  • Gender Identities
  • Geographical Locations to live in
  • Political Beliefs

If you broke up because you and your Ex had differing opinions on any of these topics you need to consider how important your feelings on the matter are. I mean generally our religious and political beliefs, sexual and gender identities, and physical location aren’t pretty unwavering.

Here is a video that Chris put together regarding what you should do if you are struggling with having different values than your ex…

If your ex is asking you to give up your spiritual belief systems is that something that you could live with down the road? Would you ever even consider it otherwise? If not, then you may have to accept that it is not going to work out.

However, if you are both willing to compromise on these topics then you may be able to salvage the relationship.

Go through the full ExBoyfriendRecovery Pro System before approaching these heavy topics though.

Let me give you another example: My Ex’s family lives in North Carolina and my family lives in New Hampshire. It’s about a sixteen-hour drive between the two. For a long time, we were unable to come up with any viable solutions about where to live without making one person resent the other.

When we decided to start talking seriously again it was still a hot topic, but we have been considering Philadelphia which would be right in the middle of our two families. From time to time we both still are not satisfied with this solution but it’s a work in progress and we both know that we are flexible on the issue… To a point.

If you and your Ex are unable to find your Philly-compromise, then there is always going to be a little bit of animosity and resentment from one or both parties.

It’s important to remember to stay true to yourself. Similarly, you are going to want to be with a man who stays true to themselves as well.


To wrap things up a little bit it is certainly possible to get your ex back if your relationship ended badly.

I mean, I did, you can too!

But, the key to it is giving both you and your ex enough time and space to recover from whatever negative situation that occurred.

If you were the one who hurt them then give them enough time to deal with their pain and let them process. If you were the one who got hurt then make sure that you process your emotions thoroughly. Entering back into a relationship that you have not healed from will result in further problems down the road.

So, now that you are all filled in let’s talk about your particular situation. In the comments below tell me about it. Here’s what I need to know:

  1. Tell me the details of your breakup. How long were you together before it happened? What do you think the reason for it was?
  2. What have you done since the breakup?
  3. What do you think your best course of action is?

Once we have all the info, our experts will help you determine what your next course of action should be.

What to Read Next

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104 thoughts on “My Relationship Ended Badly; Can I Sill Get Him Back?”

  1. Avatar

    Jess

    August 11, 2020 at 6:55 pm

    My ex fiancé and I dated long distance for 9 years. A year ago I moved into his home and at Christmas he proposed. At the beginning of June he stated after therapy he no longer wanted to get married and was unsure if he could be in a relationship at this point in his life. He’s 44…I’m 38. Ultimately in July he chose to leave his home giving me time to make arrangements to leave myself. Two weeks later I find myself 3 hours away and emotionally distraught still. Anger started to set in when I found some tweets from a woman claiming to date him now. We haven’t even been broken up a month at this point! He’s cold to me, hateful, and says he acts this way so I don’t get the wrong impression. He’s stated many times I need to move on and that he’s done. I have no idea where his anger comes from as I did t wrong him. We’ve had some loose ends since and have not started NC yet. I’ve spent a lot of years with this man and while the circumstances are so completely messed up, I would like another shot. Is this possible?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 8:59 pm

      Hey Jess, it could be possible but it means that you have to follow a 45 day No Contact period and the being there method if he is with someone else. You need to read and follow the advice for the being there method and stick with it when you start reaching out to your ex at the end of your 45 days

  2. Avatar

    Teagan

    July 19, 2020 at 2:05 pm

    Me and my ex we’re together off and on for 7.5 years. We lived together for the last 2.5 years.

    We had an ugly breakup. She was mad at me for something and even though I owned up to what I did and apologized. I ended up fighting with her over our son (whom I love with all my heart) but she sad some really rude shit and I just snapped and we fought in a way we never did before. This time she packed up her and our son and moved out that day. I want them back but I don’t know if we can come back from the things we said during that fight.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 19, 2020 at 6:27 pm

      Hey Teagan, your ex may need some times to get over the words that were exchanged during the argument, if there was any violence I would suggest that you accept that the relationship is done and focused on how you are going to co parent healthily to see your child. If not then you need to follow a limited no contact for 45 days and then start the texting phase.

  3. Avatar

    Ashley

    July 19, 2020 at 1:29 pm

    We were together for almost 2 years lived with each other and his friend for a year and then moved into our own apartment about 2 months in our new apartment he broke up with me because he felt like I was always complaining and he couldn’t find no peace. He allowed me to go through that situation alone and started talking to another girl a couple days later it really hurt me and I lashed out destroying some of his things. I took my name off the lease and moved out eventually We talked about it and I started to come back over there and stay with him. When we would argue things would blow up and I would throw things again we would talk and calm down and be back together again but this last time it was a bigger blow up and he completely cut me off. I realized that I had not forgiven the first time and ruined it for good. He was doing everything he could to mend the relationship and I was very angry and emotional and it pushed him away. I have apologized and we talked for awhile but he said right now he doesn’t know if he wants to get back together and with time he either will or he won’t. I know I messed up bad I’m seeing a therapist and I’m not that angry person I really miss him and I don’t want to loose him

  4. Avatar

    Dania

    July 17, 2020 at 12:43 pm

    We were together for 1 year and a couple of months, we were living together raising his son, I would help him so much. We broke up because I over reacted on this particular topic that involved his sons family, and I got upset because my ex was around the baby mamas family and wouldnt include me. Since the break up for the past 2 1/2 weeks I have been nothing but bombarding him with messages trying to get him back, and we would fight more than before, and he asked me for space, but I didn’t give it to him. Around 2 days ago we got into this physical fight because I was trying to get the rest of my things and he wouldn’t allow me too. So in the heat of the moment I slapled him. The next day he contacted me about something he needed help with, but he was being hot and cold. I feel like the best way to go about it is to stop talking to him… I don’t know

  5. Avatar

    Coco

    July 13, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    My ex and recently broke up officially this past weekend but mentally we both checked out about a month ago.
    We had been together for a year and half. After 3 months we had sex and a month later we agreed to be exclusive. By the 6 month, things were odd. I hadn’t met any of his friends or family. Nor have I been to his house. I asked him if he was married or hiding something and he looked me in my eyes and denied it all. I later found out he was legally married but they were separated. When i confronted him he said he felt it wasn’t any of my business.
    I agreed to leave it behind and move forward with him but all we did was fight every other week over my accusations of his time and whereabouts and the fact that our relationship had been stagnant. He would only come over my house at normal hours. We would mainly hangout by my house.

    We broke up right after Christmas and didn’t speak for 2 months. He contacted me in February and shortly after we began an exclusive relationship again. Things were a bit different this time for the better but his old ways were very much present.
    He got caught up in lies, guarded his phone like Fort Knox and began suddenly developed an urge to buy sex toys for us to use in tye bedroom.
    It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize he was cheating but I had no proof.
    He told me he didn’t trust me but that’s because of his own guilt. He even went thru my phone looking for something and found nothing.
    I had offered to him a chance to move in with me but he ended up getting an apartment instead. I never seen it in person.
    He broke up with me Saturday over a text message and then we both used an Arsenal of ugly words (me more than him).
    As messed up as this relationship was, and the worth i know I deserve, I still love him. And i secretly hope he can change his thought process and develop into the great man i know he is and once was.

  6. Avatar

    Emily Covey

    July 8, 2020 at 4:28 pm

    Hey I really hope I’ll get a reply.
    I’ve been with my ex for 8 years, it was an LDR but we’ve seen each other from time to time and then he moved further away.
    Towards the end, I had issues at home and I was distant and would go days without talking to him but I did love him.
    He finally said that enough was enough , that I emotionally abusing him and our relationship was toxic and broke up with me over a very long text.

    I of course did the begging and pleading to which he answered by saying that he’denevr give me a chance and I replied by a horrible text that I now regret.
    I obviously want him back. It’s been over a month or f no contact.
    Should I write him a “clean slate”? What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 26, 2020 at 10:21 am

      Hi Emily, no do not write a clean slate text just go into a No Contact for 30 days and work on your Holy Trinity. With your relationship being long distance you need to use social media or any form of contact you have to show your ex you are doing well. As for the future, did you discuss plans of being together long term at all? As all LDR need an end plan of being together full time or it causes strain on your relationship

  7. Avatar

    Ankita Singh

    June 18, 2020 at 5:16 am

    I was in a relationship for 4 years. The first three years were like a fairytale but the last one was very scary. This was the year when we started to live together too for sometime.There were a lot of fights and disagreements. He also started to ignore me, my calls, my texts. Also started getting angry with me. Kept a distance from me but always said that he loved me. He had never been with some girl. His ignorance and the fact that he stopped giving me time and his short replies made my anger grew to a new level and we broke up. I just don’t know what’s wrong. I have been chasing him for the last year of our relationship. He never opens up to me. Are we really over?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 6, 2020 at 6:42 pm

      Hey Ankita, I would suggest that you go into a 45 day No Contact and start working through the program, it really depends on how you deal with the situation if you get your ex back. Read about the Holy trinity and being Ungettable show your ex what he has lost

  8. Avatar

    Angelyn

    May 23, 2020 at 11:47 pm

    Well in my case,we’re dating online for five months. We never met each other yet.Everything went pretty well,until we got into heated arguments 3times about his ex girlfriend because they are still friend in facebook and I get jealous about it,He said they are only friends but I have the instinct that they are still together Because the his ex gf status in facebook is in a relationship and they have still photos with my Boyfriend so I don’t believe that they are not together anymore..so we have a big fight(including blackmailing)it’s a really big fight on the phone,then he broke up with me and we still in contact,after 2days of break up he ask for space,and i said okay you will have the space you needed.is there any chance he will get back to me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 9, 2020 at 10:40 am

      Hey Angelyn, so I would suggest that you follow the program starting with a full No Contact for at least 30 days and if he is still with his current girlfriend then you would need to read and implement the being there method

  9. Avatar

    Harmony Andersen

    May 22, 2020 at 6:30 am

    We were together for 2 1/2 years. I think it was because I didn’t want to move to a small town and he didn’t want to live in a city. But I’m realizing I want to compromise to be with him. I’ve tried to contact him about how I’m feeling, he dosent really talk about emotions. He helped me with my car and talked a little bit about the breakup but not much. We haven’t really been talking. I have no idea what to do. I emailed him saying I wish we ended on better terms, he dumped me over the phone. I just hate to think he didn’t think I’d want to compromise on where to live, we used to live together, I moved home after college because I got a job, I wish I would’ve realized that I want to compromise for a life with him, I fear it is too late since he won’t respond to me.

  10. Avatar

    Katie

    May 21, 2020 at 7:27 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship, but it wasn’t that long, only 3 months in total. We dated for two months until the first break-up, I went into NC after and kept it up for almost 2 months and he reached out a few times during that. We got back together about 4 months after the break-up, but it lasted only a month until he broke up over a stupid argument we had. That was 1.5 months ago. I’ve been doing NC again, I didn’t really have a choice as he blocked me everywhere. But I was stupid now, I learned he might be seeing someone new and it looks as if that woman was already close to him while we were still together and I completely lost it and had two friends of mine reply to a comment she made under one of his posts and call her a homewrecker. *facepalm*
    I’m just not sure anymore if I still wanna try to get him back or if I should just leave it.

  11. Avatar

    Tonya

    May 18, 2020 at 4:43 pm

    My ex and I broke up after about 4 months because he left the state for military training and the long distance was too hard. We got back together for a few months, but the same problems occurred. We agreed that we need to walk away because the current situation as too hard. He reached out a few weeks after the break up and we talked on and off with me telling him it was a bad idea to talk and eventually caving for about 2 months. Then, I got drunk and picked a fight and he never responded to multiple messages even after I apologized. That was two weeks ago. Is there any chance that I’ll get him back? What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 27, 2020 at 9:53 pm

      Hey Tonya, by the sounds of things you drift back into contact so yes I think you will hear from him again. However the reason for your break is still there, if you can not make things work long distance and that distance is not going to change then you are going to fall into the same pattern of on and off again relationship. As he is in the military I don’t think there is going to be a change in circumstance, so you would have to adjust to the long distance and make it work, or accept it never will

  12. Avatar

    K

    May 14, 2020 at 5:49 am

    I was seeing a guy for a month and things were going super well but also moving very quickly. I thought we were on the path to becoming official but he hit with “maybe we should try and slow down”. I panicked and instead of slowing down I became somewhat clingy and he ended things with me in a text a week later. Things got somewhat heated over text because I felt blind sided because even after saying he wanted to slow down his actions seemed to say otherwise. It’s been a week since we ended things, can I get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 9:07 pm

      Hey K, so what you did was give him the impression you are needy. Which is the opposite of what he wanted because he felt things were going too fast for him. I would say that you complete a 30 day NC and then reach out again trying to rebuild your connection

  13. Avatar

    Syafiqah

    May 8, 2020 at 12:53 pm

    So we were together for 1 year. He got into army and things got bad when he got promoted. He suddenly could not even text me and i kept asking him and he told me he was busy / tired after work. Hence we broke up and he came back to me 2 weeks after the break up. Same fight happen again and we broke up for like 3 times. The final break up happen and we end it nicely but a month later we started fighting. (All the break ups didnt end it well, and always seem needy and desperate) Its been 2 months now and we not talking. I was thinking to reach out to on the 5th month. Is it too late?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2020 at 11:10 pm

      Hey there, yes 5 months is much too long you need to reach out after a full NC is complete using a text Chris suggests

  14. Avatar

    Sar

    April 29, 2020 at 4:34 am

    So me and my ex were together for almost a year and a half. We fought a lot and had problems but always worked them out and really loved each other. Every time we fought he’d be fighting for me the whole time. He was head over heels for me, he thought i was the one and I never thought he’d break up with me no matter what. There’s been a lot of drama and i was the cause for a lot of fights and pain and suffering because it’s really hard for me to get over things and id hold it against him or always come up with issues because he would act a way i didn’t like or be immature etc.
    About a week or two ago we had a fight and it dragged on for a while and then we made up like usual but i kept talking about it for a while and then he texted me a few hours later and said he had been spending some time talking to his brother and wanted to talk in person. I knew what this meant. I spent the whole rest of the day and evening screaming and crying and begging. I had never been in this position with him and I was shocked. He told me he just needed a break and we could get back together in a few weeks. Then about a week of having a “break” and only texting if i texted him or before bed I told him i was confused and upset and again he told me that maybe he just didn’t actually want this anymore and wanted to actually break up not have a break. Then there was more crying and begging. I knew that he was tired of all the drama we’d been through and how he felt like he didn’t have a life outside of me. I told him to please take time to think about it because I want to work on myself. After a few days of going back to kind of having a break while he thought about it, and me telling him we could start fresh and that I do realize how much i had held onto things, i began to think he wasn’t going to decide to break up with me and believed that i could change. Then today he looked me dead in the eye and told me it’s over and that nothing i say or do will change his mind. He said he’s done and wanted to be completely free after so long of going through pain and drama with me. He didn’t even seem upset.
    He was my absolute best friend and love of my life. We did fight hard but we loved harder. For a year and a half he was completely obsessed and in love with me and never wanted to lose me. I don’t know how he went from that to being able to end it with me when i told him things could change.
    Although I have signed up for therapy to focus on my anxiety and overreactions, it’s super fresh so I haven’t really done anything but cry and when i get myself to stop crying it’s because i tell myself we will get back together soon.
    What i really want is for him to want me back and us to get back together but be better. I don’t know if he’ll want me back at all bc maybe he’ll see how good and calm his life is without me. He blocked me and i blocked him so idk how he’ll contact me if he even wants to.
    We have 4 months before we both go back to college and I want us to get back together soon.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 3:36 pm

      Hi Sar, if you work on yourself during that time and make sure that you are aiming to be Ungettable then you are then going to be a more confident happier person by the time you get back to college. If you have completed a full 30 days minimum no contact period you can start the texting phase but be sure to read the articles and watch the videos before reaching out so you know what to do

  15. Avatar

    Laura

    April 20, 2020 at 11:24 am

    Heya,
    My ex (26M) and myself (22F) were in a relationship for a year and a half and broke up last week.

    The relationship overall was amazing. Unfortunately, I’ve been suffering from anxiety, depression and moodswings years before and during the relationship. This lead me to not being able to communicate effectively and say a lot of hurtful things to him when I was in my moods. I still feel awful from this.

    I was living with him and his mum for 6 months and moved out in January. In January, we had a huge argument (stemmed from my moodswings) and inevitably he was extremely hurt. He suggested that I moved out to give us space and that this was my last chance to fix myself up or it’ll end. We also agreed that we would both communicate more effectively as this was our weak point. I immediately moved the same day and started therapy and currently am making a conscious effort to better myself.

    In Feb, I messaged him saying that I’ve not noticed a difference and that we seem more distant; so I said to him if he isn’t keen on the relationship let’s end it rather than prolong anything. He objected and said it was merely to do with stress from work and adapting to us no longer living together, so I acknowledged this. On Valentine’s Day, we actually had a beautiful fancy dinner together in the city so I was more than sure things were going forward.

    Throughout March, he began to ignore my calls and messages or responded in an untimely fashion. I asked him what was wrong and he vaguely said he’s got “things on his mind”. I’ve made an effort for us to go on dates and things but he claims he’s sick and tired from work, so I went over to his house (this was the last time we saw each other from before breaking up). That last time we spent together was lovely; we cuddled and watched Netflix and napped together.

    Throughout the rest of March, he began going distant again and it really got to me so I voice notes asking to please tell me what’s wrong so I can stop pestering (a close relative of mine was in hospital so tensions were high for me, but I communicated this too). He eventually responded and said that the argument we had in January is bothering him and that he wanted space, so I did that…
    Last week, I politely asked if we could mutually take a break as it was clear we were both strained from the relationship, his response was “the damage is done” and that there’s no need for a break. I was extremely upset (still am) as I was told to better myself to make the relationship work and that’s what I did, so I said let’s end things officially but I didn’t get a response.

    The next day, I asked to call him and we spoke on the phone. I was crying so much asking why things had to be this way despite me keeping to my side of the bargain. He got upset by this and strongly objected us being together and he hung up on me.

    So yeah, please advise?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 26, 2020 at 12:53 pm

      Hey Laura, so the most important thing for you right now it to focus on work on your anxiety, learning to control your emotions, thoughts and panic attacks. It can be done but you have to be willing to do it and may need some extra help from a therapist. Complete a period of NC with your ex for at least 45 days where you have time to work on yourself and control your anxiety. And then start the texting phase

  16. Avatar

    Kayla

    April 13, 2020 at 7:26 pm

    Hey,
    So me and my ex were together for roughly a 11 months. We had the few months ever and then things started to go down hill. We were arguing alot and I was calling him out on all of his flaws, anyway we argued so much to the stage that he walked out of our house that we just started to rent and said it was over.
    I begged and pleaded for roughly 2 weeks and then stopped a weekend passed and he reached out to me and we ended up meeting and sleeping together everything went bad from the we had war and haven’t spoke since.
    I would do anything to get him back now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 18, 2020 at 1:51 pm

      Hi Kayla I would suggest that you take a 45 day NC and stick to it, and definitely do not sleep with him again until things are good between you both again. As this is going to end up in a friends with benefits situation where you are going to want him back and he is going to keep walking away when you do. I would suggest that you work on the Holy Trinity, and from there I would then take a look back at why you kept arguing and falling out all the time. You say you want him back but his flaws are still going to be there if you were to get back together.

  17. Avatar

    Dino

    March 12, 2020 at 9:32 am

    Hi. This is with regards to a person I met online. We have been talking for months, met up a few times, even got intimate and admitted out feelings for each other. This relationship was always kept in the zone of a ‘friendship”- he had his own journey ahead of him and a long way to go and that he didn’t have the bandwidth for a relationship. While I respected that, we’d talk a lot nevertheless. Over time things started changing a bit- he got busy, I gave him his space, we’d still talk and flirt as and when we’d get time.

    Very recently something odd happened where I got blocked on his chat. While the premise was silly, he says he did it knowingly and as a joke. What bothered me the most here is that while I thought what happened was disrespectful, he feels it was okay. I told him how I felt about it, and his response was disheartening. In short I was made to realize that he didn’t really care about me or my feelings as a person. I’m still blocked on his chat, and I didn’t even get an apology. I decided to keep this person away for a while, and it has been that way for the past two days.

    I do not want anything from him. I do not want to date, and I cannot unsee what happened. It might seem trivial to him but it doesn’t feel that way to me. What bothers me at this point in time is that things ended abruptly. He did try to keep things normal the next day, sent me some forwards like he’d usually do, but I didn’t respond. What is bothering me right now is that I left things on a bad note, by going cold on him and that isn’t me. I’d rather let him know that I’m taking some time off and some space (I strongly believe he won’t care about it nor will it make any difference to him). The reason I want to end things on a decent note is because even though he may have upset me, I still care. And it doesn’t change my goodwill for him. Besides, I do want us to interact, just that I may not put myself out there as much as I did before. Again, if he doesn’t want it that’s okay by me. In short I don’t want to be the dramatic, immature bad guy here.

    Is it worth reaching out and closing things properly, and how do I even go about it? Without coming across as dramatic and also keeping my respect intact? Is it worth it considering he doesn’t even care. My mental peace is at stake here, and I do not understand why I have this severe need to keep things civil when everyone has told me to not give him even a second thought.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 12:28 am

      Hi Dino, so when it comes to situations like this, reaching out in hope for “closure” can back fire and we wont get the answers we wanted or made to feel better. So I would suggest that you have that time to yourself to accept what was, what is and what will be. Respect yourself enough to not appear emotional about this situation, even though you are hurt make sure that you focus on how to make yourself feel better without validation from him. Read some articles or watch the videos about being Ungettable and work on yourself so that you are happy and content with yourself

  18. Avatar

    Elizabeth

    March 11, 2020 at 7:28 am

    Hi… I hope you reply this comment of mine.. I’m 29 and my ex is 20. He was so mature and kind when we were together so I thought it was the real him. We were happily together for 5 months (travelling together to places etc). Then he broke up with me. He is kinda a celebrity and he’s getting popular too. So there are a lot of girls who want to be with him/sleep with him. He gave me age different as a reason saying he doesn’t think he can get married in 5 years although he once said that he wants it with me. He said he knows that I won’t push him to do it but he think I shouldn’t wait him. He said he still loves me a lot and etc but he doesn’t want to keep going. He also said he wants to be single again. It was at the end of Jan this year we broke up. We agreed to stay friends. But you know what happened right? I tried to do no contact but he came back every time. So we kept seeing each other, spending nights as we are still in love. But then he’s doing hot and cold to me (he showed his love and affection when we met, but once we were not together he turned cold). So it was so hard but I accepted it since I love him too much. And I told myself I’m happy when he is with me so I will just take this pain. And one big problem happened last week. I met a girl (let’s call her Anna) I know at one event and we were talking about relationship and found out that her friend Lucy (let’s call her Lucy) has some connection with my ex-bf. She said she and Lucy are not talking to each other. So the next day she called me on the ph saying that she saw my ex-bf somewhere with a girl etc and asked me a lot of questions about how we kept seeing each other although we broke up. I answered all the questions honestly (that was so stupid of me of course) like how we could not help but spend night when we met coz we are still in love with each other although we broke up already etc. And she asked me questions about Lucy and I said “yes I know Lucy had a crush on my bf when he and I are together but my bf ended her coz he has a gf who is me” etc (which was a true story). I know.. I know there is no one who is stupider than me. And you know what Anna did? Anna sent those voicemails (I didn’t know she recorded our conversation) to Lucy and her other friends, and Lucy sent that to my ex-bf. So since he is a celebrity he was so angry at me thinking I said all those words purposely to make his name bad. And Lucy’s name too. Only then I found out he was also kinda seeing Lucy while sleeping with me after breakup. I am so embarrassed and ashamed to find out that my ex-bf heard all the things I said over the phone (nothing bad about him though. All truth like we been sleeping together even after breakup etc). Now he thinks very low of me and I hate this feeling. He called me and said he heard everything, he will never stay with me like that again and how he can’t believe that I said those things to other people and how he thinks low of me. And he said that he likes Lucy. He said I’ve got nothing to do with he sleeping/seeing other girls coz we already broke up. But emotions are there so of course I cared and worried. And I am very unstable so I cannot really control my emotions and words so it happened. I am now very embarrassed, ashamed, regret, down and depressed. I don’t know how to be a good term with him again. I think he and Lucy are together now. I don’t know for sure but I think its true. I apologized him hard, promised him that I will never do it again, he said that he can forgive me but he will never be with me again. He had a high opinion of me in past now its completely different. I want him back. I do. I know I make a terrible mistake and i regret it so bad. I will never trust other people again. Please help me. I need to turn this situation back.. I know I did a terrible mistake but please tell me how can I change it back to a good term.. please. please.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 5:01 pm

      Hi Elizabeth, so from what you have told me here I wouldn’t worry too much about him thinking of you in a good term, as he is the bad guy he has taken advantage of you and this Lucy and played with both your emotions. Also please don’t feed his ego by referring to him as a celebrity status. He is mere mortal just as you and I are…

  19. Avatar

    Tiff

    February 14, 2020 at 4:33 pm

    We dated for 8 months. We were best friends, our friend groups became one group, and we went on group vacations, we were attached at the hip. But almost every month, like clockwork, he had a ‘hot and cold’ moment.. sometimes it would end it us breaking up for a day and then talking about it and him realizing it’s a mistake. He’s been extremely hurt in the past and has since shielded himself. I’ve been the first person to break through it. I then got accepted at uni outside of our city, five hours away, and it caused a lot of tension. We started having a lot of fights, constantly because he wasn’t consistent and I was set on wanting a committed relationship .
    He then broke up with me. That was a month and a half ago. Since then, we’ve been best friends, still acting like a couple. A lot less fighting, but a lot of the same codependency..
    Before I left for uni he started acting different, and I just forgave him for it. At this point, when I left, I wanted to initiate no contact. The day after I wanted to initiate it, I found out that I was infact pregnant and had a miscarriage, in a restaurant, at the first day of uni.
    I am absolutely traumatized.. I’ve had such a huge amount of emotions in me. And I didn’t feel like he was supportive of me, he kept telling me to “not jump to conclusions” instead of being kind and compassionate. Once I told him how I felt he blew up and told me he was done with me, and that he wants to put the friendship on hold.
    The day after that, I actually got confirmation that I was indeed pregnant. I called him and told him, and we had a peaceful conversation, despite him deciding that he isn’t capable of being there for me right now, and he wants to deal with this alone. And that in “a month or two” we will talk.
    I agreed to this, but then found out I might have to go to hospital, which means telling my parents. So I reached out to him because this is the exception to the rule of “no space” . It’s his responsibility. He then blew up on me again and told me he’s sticking to his space , then saying “I will continue to pray for you, but this is goodbye. “. I’m absolutely shattered. Should I just deal with this myself knowing that it’s not fair and leave him to have his space ? Is there any chance he will realize that he’s not handling this the right way?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 11:26 pm

      Hi Tiff, I think this is an indication to the type of man he really is and the fact he does not want to share responsibility in something that you both created. I would decide what you want to do regarding your parents, but I am going to hope you get the support from them if you do speak with them. If not choose a friend you trust to come with you as you are going to want to have emotional support during this time

  20. Avatar

    Moriel

    January 30, 2020 at 3:28 pm

    My ex and I were together for a year and a half. We recently broke up because he found old messages from my old phone between me and a male friend that he knew about but that I ended up cutting out of my life anyway. He chose to view the messages in an extremely negative way and thought I met up with him behind his back and possibly did even more than that. He cursed me out, didn’t even give me the chance to tell him that these messages were not even speaking about a time in which I was in the relationship, told me he never wanted anything to do with me again, to forget him, that he hates me and that I am disgusting. I fear that he is going to be set in this mindset and not give me the benefit of the doubt ever. I am scared that when he starts to miss me he is just going to think of me like this. Im scared that he is actually never going to come back. I have no way of reversing this and I am just so scared, it is literally consuming me. Any advice??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 8, 2020 at 4:34 pm

      Hey Moriel… So he has jumped to conclusions that this was recent conversation or that you were together. If I was you I would allow him time to calm down as right now his anger is going to take over anything else and make him dig his feet deeper in his decision to leave you while angry. Go into No contact and make sure you avoid contact with the male in question during this time and going forward if you want your ex back

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