By Shannon

Some relationships end easily with the mutual decision to go separate ways and to remain friends. You meet for coffee every now an then and you support each other’s new relationships.

In a fantasy land all relationships would end this way.

But we don’t live in a fantasy land… sadly…

Some relationships definitely do NOT end that way.

These relationships end with anger, sadness and pain.

Maybe one person wronged the other

Perhaps there were fundamental differences in your religious beliefs

Maybe you just wanted to live in different places.

Relationships can end badly for many different reasons. Sometimes they aren’t always obvious. You are just left knowing that it ended badly and that you and your ex are on bad terms.

Can these relationships still be salvaged if things were left uncomfortable and not on good terms?

Why yes, yes, they can.

The most important thing to remember is that these things are going to take time. There is a time line for negative emotions in the EBR guidelines:

  • Immediately After a Breakup = 9-10 (Very Bad Feelings)
  • A Month After the Breakup = 5-6 (Moderately Bad Feelings)
  • Two Months After a Breakup = 3-4 (Improved Feelings)

As soon as a relationship ends tensions and emotions are high and it is easy to want to shout how you are feeling from the rooftops.

Don’t do that.

If your emotions are high, then it is likely that they are high for your ex as well.

Looking at the timeline above you’ll notice that feelings start to improve after one month. The No Contact period just happens to fall perfectly into this.

If things ended badly for you and your ex then you are going to have to go through a longer No Contact than usual. Generally speaking 30-45 days is a pretty safe amount of time. However, every situation is different. The only thing that is certain is that throwing your emotions at an ex who already views you in a negative light is only going to set you back further.

During the No Contact period your ex will have time to forget all the negative emotions that came with the end of the relationship.

But time can’t do all the work for you.

So, what should you do during the time apart?

Work on the trifecta! We here ate ExBoyfriendRecovery call it The Holy Trinity.

If you are unfamiliar or new to EBR, let’s review.

The three areas of focus following a breakup (particularly a bad one) are:

  • Health
  • Wealth
  • Relationships

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Health

After a breakup it’s easy to let yourself go. You might stop showering daily. The gym might not seem so appealing any more. Some people take comfort in the arms of the two most understanding men I have ever met: Ben and Jerry.

It’s all so easy and comforting, just giving in to being sad.

But, it’s not going to get you any closer to getting your ex back. In fact, it’s likely to do the opposite.

Look at it this way:

Would you want your ex back more if they gained a bunch of weight and smelled bad

OR

Would you want them back if they started lifting more weights and smelled good all the time?

Wait, don’t answer yet.

Just picture it for a minute.

Do you have the image in your head?

Now picture yourself running into your ex on your way home from an ice cream run after not showering for four days.

Did you cringe a little bit?

Let’s not have this visual become a reality. Taking time to exercise and take care of yourself is going to not only make you feel better about yourself, it’s going to project a vibe that will draw people to you.

People like your ex.

Wealth

The second aspect of the trifecta is wealth.

Having wealth does not only mean having money. It means having a means of continuing to have money…. In other words, it means having a job.

While people may say that money doesn’t matter or that it isn’t everything, they lie. Money does matter for several reasons.

  1. You’ll have independence. You’ll be able to support yourself which is not only a confidence booster, but it is attractive to potential suitors. If you relied a lot on your ex for money while you were together, showing them that you are bettering yourself financially will cause them to think twice and say “wow… she doesn’t need me?”
  2. Being able to support yourself will open you up for new opportunities. You’ll be able to buy a gym membership, new clothes, nice makeup. This is how health and wealth relate!

Relationships

Maintaining solid relationships that aren’t your ex will help you to cope with the loss in a healthy way. Friends will be there to help you  through the breakup and support you as you heal. Going out and experiencing things will help you to grow and develop on your own.

An added benefit of cultivating other relationships during a breakup is that your loved ones can help you see if this lost relationship is really what is best for you and what you truly want. Sometimes, it is easy to get blinded by the desire to be with someone and not realize that this person is not the one who is best for us.

Finally, going on dates with new men is another way of working the relationship part of the trifecta. Going on dates may seem scary but it will give you a sense of what you want in a relationship and what you deserve.

Added bonus you may just make your ex jealous! Is jealous good? It depends. If the reason for the break up is that you cheated, then no. Jealousy is a no go. However, in most other situations using a little bit of jealousy will make your ex question whether or not he is ready to give up what they had.

It’s Been Years Since We Broke Up

Now, what if the breakup was bad, but it has been awhile, as in longer than the original no contact period?

If you have already been working on yourself and feel like you are in a place where your health, wealth, and relationships have developed and that you are in a secure place then send ONE reach out text. You can refer to this article or the Texting Bible for help constructing the best reach out text ever.

However, understand that it is possible that while enough time has passed for you, it may not have been enough time for your ex.

Yes, even if it has been 2 years, 3 years, or eve 5 years. Sometimes it just takes longer for some people to get past things.

If you don’t get a response or if the response you get is negative, don’t panic. Simply take it in stride and respect that they need more time. Continue to work on yourself and try again after some time has passed. The Texting Bible lays out exactly how to hand negative and no responses depending on your situation.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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We Broke Up Because Of A Big Fight

The opposite end of the spectrum is that your ex ended things abruptly. If this is the situation take a deep breath.

Have you ever, in a fit of rage, said things that you didn’t actually mean?

Well, sometimes this happens, and couples break up out of the blue even when it isn’t what either one them truly wants. If your relationship ended in a heat of an argument just lay low and give it time.

More often than not, your ex will approach you after tensions have cooled.

We Didn’t Really Have a Good Reason For Breaking Up

If the relationship ended and there were no new signs that it was coming and no major blow out, then that is a little different.

You should still enter into no contact and begin to work on yourself but also look back on the relationship and try to figure out where things went wrong.

Yeah. I know. You are probably already doing that. But try to look for things you actually have control over correcting. Don’t just try and figure out who was at fault and try and find fuel for a pity party.

We Are Still Living Together

We have already covered how a little space and a little time can help resolve issues. But what if things ended badly and you just can’t get any space? What if you live together?

Story time!

I haven’t always written for EBR. Before I started doling out the advice, I came here to receive it.

My boyfriend and I lived together and had an UGLY breakup. And I mean UGLY. There was cheating, and verbal abuse and we were both to blame. However, we could not afford to get our own places and had no family living in the area to stay with.

We lived together as Exes for ONE ENTIRE YEAR… down to the month!!!

During that time, I used limited no contact twice and (before finding EBR) broke down and asked him to take me back on multiple occasions. Every time that I asked it went nowhere and I only ended up hurt.

Then one month before our one year break up anniversary, he went away for a military training. By the time he got back I had left for my own training.

This gave us about six weeks of actual No Contact. And guess what happened about five weeks into this no contact? HE ASKED FOR ME BACK! Woo!

Why am I telling you this story?

To make a point…. or two…

First, that living together as exes makes it incredibly difficult to make your ex miss you and want you back. The only way to truly do that is to be physically absent for a significant amount of time.

If you are unable to get out of living with your ex, then the second-best thing to do is to is get out of the house as much as possible.

Pick up new hobbies, make new friends, go on dates.

Make him feel like they are missing out on good times that they could have been sharing with you.

Differences in Our Core Beliefs

The last topic that is going to be covered in this article is what to do if the breakup was the result of core differences in your beliefs.

This is a very delicate area of discussion so specific topics are not going to be discussed in detail.

What is The Limited No Contact Rule?

What might these areas of difference be?

  • Religion
  • Sexual Orientation
  • Gender Identities
  • Geographical Locations to live in
  • Political Beliefs

If you broke up because you and your Ex had differing opinions on any of these topics you need to consider how important your feelings on the matter are. I mean generally our religious and political beliefs, sexual and gender identities, and physical location aren’t pretty unwavering.

Here is a video that Chris put together regarding what you should do if you are struggling with having different values than your ex…

If your ex is asking you to give up your spiritual belief systems is that something that you could live with down the road? Would you ever even consider it otherwise? If not, then you may have to accept that it is not going to work out.

However, if you are both willing to compromise on these topics then you may be able to salvage the relationship.

Go through the full ExBoyfriendRecovery Pro System before approaching these heavy topics though.

Let me give you another example: My Ex’s family lives in North Carolina and my family lives in New Hampshire. It’s about a sixteen-hour drive between the two. For a long time, we were unable to come up with any viable solutions about where to live without making one person resent the other.

When we decided to start talking seriously again it was still a hot topic, but we have been considering Philadelphia which would be right in the middle of our two families. From time to time we both still are not satisfied with this solution but it’s a work in progress and we both know that we are flexible on the issue… To a point.

If you and your Ex are unable to find your Philly-compromise, then there is always going to be a little bit of animosity and resentment from one or both parties.

It’s important to remember to stay true to yourself. Similarly, you are going to want to be with a man who stays true to themselves as well.


To wrap things up a little bit it is certainly possible to get your ex back if your relationship ended badly.

I mean, I did, you can too!

But, the key to it is giving both you and your ex enough time and space to recover from whatever negative situation that occurred.

If you were the one who hurt them then give them enough time to deal with their pain and let them process. If you were the one who got hurt then make sure that you process your emotions thoroughly. Entering back into a relationship that you have not healed from will result in further problems down the road.

So, now that you are all filled in let’s talk about your particular situation. In the comments below tell me about it. Here’s what I need to know:

  1. Tell me the details of your breakup. How long were you together before it happened? What do you think the reason for it was?
  2. What have you done since the breakup?
  3. What do you think your best course of action is?

Once we have all the info, our experts will help you determine what your next course of action should be.

What to Read Next

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87 thoughts on “My Relationship Ended Badly; Can I Sill Get Him Back?”

  1. Avatar

    K

    May 14, 2020 at 5:49 am

    I was seeing a guy for a month and things were going super well but also moving very quickly. I thought we were on the path to becoming official but he hit with “maybe we should try and slow down”. I panicked and instead of slowing down I became somewhat clingy and he ended things with me in a text a week later. Things got somewhat heated over text because I felt blind sided because even after saying he wanted to slow down his actions seemed to say otherwise. It’s been a week since we ended things, can I get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 9:07 pm

      Hey K, so what you did was give him the impression you are needy. Which is the opposite of what he wanted because he felt things were going too fast for him. I would say that you complete a 30 day NC and then reach out again trying to rebuild your connection

  2. Avatar

    Syafiqah

    May 8, 2020 at 12:53 pm

    So we were together for 1 year. He got into army and things got bad when he got promoted. He suddenly could not even text me and i kept asking him and he told me he was busy / tired after work. Hence we broke up and he came back to me 2 weeks after the break up. Same fight happen again and we broke up for like 3 times. The final break up happen and we end it nicely but a month later we started fighting. (All the break ups didnt end it well, and always seem needy and desperate) Its been 2 months now and we not talking. I was thinking to reach out to on the 5th month. Is it too late?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2020 at 11:10 pm

      Hey there, yes 5 months is much too long you need to reach out after a full NC is complete using a text Chris suggests

  3. Avatar

    Sar

    April 29, 2020 at 4:34 am

    So me and my ex were together for almost a year and a half. We fought a lot and had problems but always worked them out and really loved each other. Every time we fought he’d be fighting for me the whole time. He was head over heels for me, he thought i was the one and I never thought he’d break up with me no matter what. There’s been a lot of drama and i was the cause for a lot of fights and pain and suffering because it’s really hard for me to get over things and id hold it against him or always come up with issues because he would act a way i didn’t like or be immature etc.
    About a week or two ago we had a fight and it dragged on for a while and then we made up like usual but i kept talking about it for a while and then he texted me a few hours later and said he had been spending some time talking to his brother and wanted to talk in person. I knew what this meant. I spent the whole rest of the day and evening screaming and crying and begging. I had never been in this position with him and I was shocked. He told me he just needed a break and we could get back together in a few weeks. Then about a week of having a “break” and only texting if i texted him or before bed I told him i was confused and upset and again he told me that maybe he just didn’t actually want this anymore and wanted to actually break up not have a break. Then there was more crying and begging. I knew that he was tired of all the drama we’d been through and how he felt like he didn’t have a life outside of me. I told him to please take time to think about it because I want to work on myself. After a few days of going back to kind of having a break while he thought about it, and me telling him we could start fresh and that I do realize how much i had held onto things, i began to think he wasn’t going to decide to break up with me and believed that i could change. Then today he looked me dead in the eye and told me it’s over and that nothing i say or do will change his mind. He said he’s done and wanted to be completely free after so long of going through pain and drama with me. He didn’t even seem upset.
    He was my absolute best friend and love of my life. We did fight hard but we loved harder. For a year and a half he was completely obsessed and in love with me and never wanted to lose me. I don’t know how he went from that to being able to end it with me when i told him things could change.
    Although I have signed up for therapy to focus on my anxiety and overreactions, it’s super fresh so I haven’t really done anything but cry and when i get myself to stop crying it’s because i tell myself we will get back together soon.
    What i really want is for him to want me back and us to get back together but be better. I don’t know if he’ll want me back at all bc maybe he’ll see how good and calm his life is without me. He blocked me and i blocked him so idk how he’ll contact me if he even wants to.
    We have 4 months before we both go back to college and I want us to get back together soon.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 3:36 pm

      Hi Sar, if you work on yourself during that time and make sure that you are aiming to be Ungettable then you are then going to be a more confident happier person by the time you get back to college. If you have completed a full 30 days minimum no contact period you can start the texting phase but be sure to read the articles and watch the videos before reaching out so you know what to do

  4. Avatar

    Laura

    April 20, 2020 at 11:24 am

    Heya,
    My ex (26M) and myself (22F) were in a relationship for a year and a half and broke up last week.

    The relationship overall was amazing. Unfortunately, I’ve been suffering from anxiety, depression and moodswings years before and during the relationship. This lead me to not being able to communicate effectively and say a lot of hurtful things to him when I was in my moods. I still feel awful from this.

    I was living with him and his mum for 6 months and moved out in January. In January, we had a huge argument (stemmed from my moodswings) and inevitably he was extremely hurt. He suggested that I moved out to give us space and that this was my last chance to fix myself up or it’ll end. We also agreed that we would both communicate more effectively as this was our weak point. I immediately moved the same day and started therapy and currently am making a conscious effort to better myself.

    In Feb, I messaged him saying that I’ve not noticed a difference and that we seem more distant; so I said to him if he isn’t keen on the relationship let’s end it rather than prolong anything. He objected and said it was merely to do with stress from work and adapting to us no longer living together, so I acknowledged this. On Valentine’s Day, we actually had a beautiful fancy dinner together in the city so I was more than sure things were going forward.

    Throughout March, he began to ignore my calls and messages or responded in an untimely fashion. I asked him what was wrong and he vaguely said he’s got “things on his mind”. I’ve made an effort for us to go on dates and things but he claims he’s sick and tired from work, so I went over to his house (this was the last time we saw each other from before breaking up). That last time we spent together was lovely; we cuddled and watched Netflix and napped together.

    Throughout the rest of March, he began going distant again and it really got to me so I voice notes asking to please tell me what’s wrong so I can stop pestering (a close relative of mine was in hospital so tensions were high for me, but I communicated this too). He eventually responded and said that the argument we had in January is bothering him and that he wanted space, so I did that…
    Last week, I politely asked if we could mutually take a break as it was clear we were both strained from the relationship, his response was “the damage is done” and that there’s no need for a break. I was extremely upset (still am) as I was told to better myself to make the relationship work and that’s what I did, so I said let’s end things officially but I didn’t get a response.

    The next day, I asked to call him and we spoke on the phone. I was crying so much asking why things had to be this way despite me keeping to my side of the bargain. He got upset by this and strongly objected us being together and he hung up on me.

    So yeah, please advise?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 26, 2020 at 12:53 pm

      Hey Laura, so the most important thing for you right now it to focus on work on your anxiety, learning to control your emotions, thoughts and panic attacks. It can be done but you have to be willing to do it and may need some extra help from a therapist. Complete a period of NC with your ex for at least 45 days where you have time to work on yourself and control your anxiety. And then start the texting phase

  5. Avatar

    Kayla

    April 13, 2020 at 7:26 pm

    Hey,
    So me and my ex were together for roughly a 11 months. We had the few months ever and then things started to go down hill. We were arguing alot and I was calling him out on all of his flaws, anyway we argued so much to the stage that he walked out of our house that we just started to rent and said it was over.
    I begged and pleaded for roughly 2 weeks and then stopped a weekend passed and he reached out to me and we ended up meeting and sleeping together everything went bad from the we had war and haven’t spoke since.
    I would do anything to get him back now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 18, 2020 at 1:51 pm

      Hi Kayla I would suggest that you take a 45 day NC and stick to it, and definitely do not sleep with him again until things are good between you both again. As this is going to end up in a friends with benefits situation where you are going to want him back and he is going to keep walking away when you do. I would suggest that you work on the Holy Trinity, and from there I would then take a look back at why you kept arguing and falling out all the time. You say you want him back but his flaws are still going to be there if you were to get back together.

  6. Avatar

    Dino

    March 12, 2020 at 9:32 am

    Hi. This is with regards to a person I met online. We have been talking for months, met up a few times, even got intimate and admitted out feelings for each other. This relationship was always kept in the zone of a ‘friendship”- he had his own journey ahead of him and a long way to go and that he didn’t have the bandwidth for a relationship. While I respected that, we’d talk a lot nevertheless. Over time things started changing a bit- he got busy, I gave him his space, we’d still talk and flirt as and when we’d get time.

    Very recently something odd happened where I got blocked on his chat. While the premise was silly, he says he did it knowingly and as a joke. What bothered me the most here is that while I thought what happened was disrespectful, he feels it was okay. I told him how I felt about it, and his response was disheartening. In short I was made to realize that he didn’t really care about me or my feelings as a person. I’m still blocked on his chat, and I didn’t even get an apology. I decided to keep this person away for a while, and it has been that way for the past two days.

    I do not want anything from him. I do not want to date, and I cannot unsee what happened. It might seem trivial to him but it doesn’t feel that way to me. What bothers me at this point in time is that things ended abruptly. He did try to keep things normal the next day, sent me some forwards like he’d usually do, but I didn’t respond. What is bothering me right now is that I left things on a bad note, by going cold on him and that isn’t me. I’d rather let him know that I’m taking some time off and some space (I strongly believe he won’t care about it nor will it make any difference to him). The reason I want to end things on a decent note is because even though he may have upset me, I still care. And it doesn’t change my goodwill for him. Besides, I do want us to interact, just that I may not put myself out there as much as I did before. Again, if he doesn’t want it that’s okay by me. In short I don’t want to be the dramatic, immature bad guy here.

    Is it worth reaching out and closing things properly, and how do I even go about it? Without coming across as dramatic and also keeping my respect intact? Is it worth it considering he doesn’t even care. My mental peace is at stake here, and I do not understand why I have this severe need to keep things civil when everyone has told me to not give him even a second thought.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 12:28 am

      Hi Dino, so when it comes to situations like this, reaching out in hope for “closure” can back fire and we wont get the answers we wanted or made to feel better. So I would suggest that you have that time to yourself to accept what was, what is and what will be. Respect yourself enough to not appear emotional about this situation, even though you are hurt make sure that you focus on how to make yourself feel better without validation from him. Read some articles or watch the videos about being Ungettable and work on yourself so that you are happy and content with yourself

  7. Avatar

    Elizabeth

    March 11, 2020 at 7:28 am

    Hi… I hope you reply this comment of mine.. I’m 29 and my ex is 20. He was so mature and kind when we were together so I thought it was the real him. We were happily together for 5 months (travelling together to places etc). Then he broke up with me. He is kinda a celebrity and he’s getting popular too. So there are a lot of girls who want to be with him/sleep with him. He gave me age different as a reason saying he doesn’t think he can get married in 5 years although he once said that he wants it with me. He said he knows that I won’t push him to do it but he think I shouldn’t wait him. He said he still loves me a lot and etc but he doesn’t want to keep going. He also said he wants to be single again. It was at the end of Jan this year we broke up. We agreed to stay friends. But you know what happened right? I tried to do no contact but he came back every time. So we kept seeing each other, spending nights as we are still in love. But then he’s doing hot and cold to me (he showed his love and affection when we met, but once we were not together he turned cold). So it was so hard but I accepted it since I love him too much. And I told myself I’m happy when he is with me so I will just take this pain. And one big problem happened last week. I met a girl (let’s call her Anna) I know at one event and we were talking about relationship and found out that her friend Lucy (let’s call her Lucy) has some connection with my ex-bf. She said she and Lucy are not talking to each other. So the next day she called me on the ph saying that she saw my ex-bf somewhere with a girl etc and asked me a lot of questions about how we kept seeing each other although we broke up. I answered all the questions honestly (that was so stupid of me of course) like how we could not help but spend night when we met coz we are still in love with each other although we broke up already etc. And she asked me questions about Lucy and I said “yes I know Lucy had a crush on my bf when he and I are together but my bf ended her coz he has a gf who is me” etc (which was a true story). I know.. I know there is no one who is stupider than me. And you know what Anna did? Anna sent those voicemails (I didn’t know she recorded our conversation) to Lucy and her other friends, and Lucy sent that to my ex-bf. So since he is a celebrity he was so angry at me thinking I said all those words purposely to make his name bad. And Lucy’s name too. Only then I found out he was also kinda seeing Lucy while sleeping with me after breakup. I am so embarrassed and ashamed to find out that my ex-bf heard all the things I said over the phone (nothing bad about him though. All truth like we been sleeping together even after breakup etc). Now he thinks very low of me and I hate this feeling. He called me and said he heard everything, he will never stay with me like that again and how he can’t believe that I said those things to other people and how he thinks low of me. And he said that he likes Lucy. He said I’ve got nothing to do with he sleeping/seeing other girls coz we already broke up. But emotions are there so of course I cared and worried. And I am very unstable so I cannot really control my emotions and words so it happened. I am now very embarrassed, ashamed, regret, down and depressed. I don’t know how to be a good term with him again. I think he and Lucy are together now. I don’t know for sure but I think its true. I apologized him hard, promised him that I will never do it again, he said that he can forgive me but he will never be with me again. He had a high opinion of me in past now its completely different. I want him back. I do. I know I make a terrible mistake and i regret it so bad. I will never trust other people again. Please help me. I need to turn this situation back.. I know I did a terrible mistake but please tell me how can I change it back to a good term.. please. please.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 5:01 pm

      Hi Elizabeth, so from what you have told me here I wouldn’t worry too much about him thinking of you in a good term, as he is the bad guy he has taken advantage of you and this Lucy and played with both your emotions. Also please don’t feed his ego by referring to him as a celebrity status. He is mere mortal just as you and I are…

  8. Avatar

    Tiff

    February 14, 2020 at 4:33 pm

    We dated for 8 months. We were best friends, our friend groups became one group, and we went on group vacations, we were attached at the hip. But almost every month, like clockwork, he had a ‘hot and cold’ moment.. sometimes it would end it us breaking up for a day and then talking about it and him realizing it’s a mistake. He’s been extremely hurt in the past and has since shielded himself. I’ve been the first person to break through it. I then got accepted at uni outside of our city, five hours away, and it caused a lot of tension. We started having a lot of fights, constantly because he wasn’t consistent and I was set on wanting a committed relationship .
    He then broke up with me. That was a month and a half ago. Since then, we’ve been best friends, still acting like a couple. A lot less fighting, but a lot of the same codependency..
    Before I left for uni he started acting different, and I just forgave him for it. At this point, when I left, I wanted to initiate no contact. The day after I wanted to initiate it, I found out that I was infact pregnant and had a miscarriage, in a restaurant, at the first day of uni.
    I am absolutely traumatized.. I’ve had such a huge amount of emotions in me. And I didn’t feel like he was supportive of me, he kept telling me to “not jump to conclusions” instead of being kind and compassionate. Once I told him how I felt he blew up and told me he was done with me, and that he wants to put the friendship on hold.
    The day after that, I actually got confirmation that I was indeed pregnant. I called him and told him, and we had a peaceful conversation, despite him deciding that he isn’t capable of being there for me right now, and he wants to deal with this alone. And that in “a month or two” we will talk.
    I agreed to this, but then found out I might have to go to hospital, which means telling my parents. So I reached out to him because this is the exception to the rule of “no space” . It’s his responsibility. He then blew up on me again and told me he’s sticking to his space , then saying “I will continue to pray for you, but this is goodbye. “. I’m absolutely shattered. Should I just deal with this myself knowing that it’s not fair and leave him to have his space ? Is there any chance he will realize that he’s not handling this the right way?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 11:26 pm

      Hi Tiff, I think this is an indication to the type of man he really is and the fact he does not want to share responsibility in something that you both created. I would decide what you want to do regarding your parents, but I am going to hope you get the support from them if you do speak with them. If not choose a friend you trust to come with you as you are going to want to have emotional support during this time

  9. Avatar

    Moriel

    January 30, 2020 at 3:28 pm

    My ex and I were together for a year and a half. We recently broke up because he found old messages from my old phone between me and a male friend that he knew about but that I ended up cutting out of my life anyway. He chose to view the messages in an extremely negative way and thought I met up with him behind his back and possibly did even more than that. He cursed me out, didn’t even give me the chance to tell him that these messages were not even speaking about a time in which I was in the relationship, told me he never wanted anything to do with me again, to forget him, that he hates me and that I am disgusting. I fear that he is going to be set in this mindset and not give me the benefit of the doubt ever. I am scared that when he starts to miss me he is just going to think of me like this. Im scared that he is actually never going to come back. I have no way of reversing this and I am just so scared, it is literally consuming me. Any advice??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 8, 2020 at 4:34 pm

      Hey Moriel… So he has jumped to conclusions that this was recent conversation or that you were together. If I was you I would allow him time to calm down as right now his anger is going to take over anything else and make him dig his feet deeper in his decision to leave you while angry. Go into No contact and make sure you avoid contact with the male in question during this time and going forward if you want your ex back

  10. Avatar

    Felicia

    January 23, 2020 at 2:18 pm

    Hello,
    So my ex and I had been dating almost exactly nine months. About two weeks ago was the last time I saw him and he told me he wanted to marry me. He had told me this before and had put so much emphasis on how sure he was of me and our future. I had reciprocated this feeling to him. He would tell his brother, his uncle, he would always express how much he loved me and I thought things were awesome. The next day we got into s fight over text basically i had made a joking comment that he was “sleeping with someone else” and that’s why he was “tired” that night (in reality i know he wasn’t). He told me to stop pushing and digging and trying to get in a fight over the comment but honestly i wouldn’t. The fight grew more intense and he said he needed some space…and i struggled to give It to him. At first he said he just wanted to spend the day with his brother but i just kept pestering and I’m ashamed of doing It. Eventually After the next few days we were barely talking and then we decided to see each other and we were “working things out”. Fast forward almost two weeks later and we are officially broken up. He says he is so happy without me, that i was the greatest amount of toxicity in his life. He still was in contact with me though that day and before. He even called me and asked me to fall asleep with him on the phone. I asked him to please come get his stuff from my house and to let me have mine but he hasn’t done It yet and it’s been about a week since I asked. He claims he’s “been busy”. Last night after he let me know that i was toxic I messaged him saying i would like to take some time to myself to process my emotions. This was me initiating my no contact. He won’t really tell me what went wrong only that “things change” “some things can’t be fixed” and he did want to marry me until he realized i was a “piece of s***” so i guess he realized that in 24 hours. I think the problem was my insecurities and also not letting him have his space. I’m just so confused as to how things could change in 24 hours.

  11. Avatar

    Ange

    December 16, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    We were dating for four months. It got intense quickly as we knew each other previously he pursued me for over a year and was really good. I met his children, friends and Dad, we made plans for the future. His divorce started to go through and things got busy he started to say he wasnt sure about a relationship and needed time. Which I gave him, I went no contact for 2 weeks but saw him at work twice a week. Then I saw him at a party I was drunk and as we hadnt had a face to face I spoke to him he said he didnt want a relationship with anyone and wanted to focus on him and the kids but said we we had and what we were was amazing.
    I left upset and gave another 2 weeks no contact but again saw him a couple of times at work. Again another party, last week. I said goodbye as now away from work for three weeks. He again said he didnt want a relationship and I said well if you dont want one with me by now even if you’re having a difficult time then you probably dont want one with me enough, he said yes you’re probably right. One of his friends wouldnt let him talk to me and I got a bit cross with that and left the party. I told him I had fallen in love with him by text after and I hoped we could be friends and wished him the best (both mistakes) he didnt respond.
    Obviously not contacting him and I wont see him now for 3 weeks.
    I’m very confused as what we had was so good and he says he felt feelings too at the first party.
    This has been dragged out I feel for a couple of months now but I miss him terribly.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 17, 2019 at 12:03 am

      Hi Ange, so you are doing the right things by going into no contact now but make sure you stick with it for 30 days. While doing no contact read about the Ungettable Girl and apply that to your life. When a guy says he is not ready for a relationship but has feelings for you, basically he doesnt feel invested enough so start dating casually – dont go looking to make him jealous but because you work together word will get around that you are dating and he will then realise you are desirable to other men and he has competition. Read as many articles that apply to your situation on this website and apply the information to your situation to give yourself your best chance

  12. Avatar

    Ytzel

    December 12, 2019 at 3:37 pm

    We had been dating over a year. I finally felt comfortable in being totally honest with him, and during one of our conversations I let him know that I wanted kids and an “accident” wouldn’t necessarily be the end of the world to me. He had always been very careful about that. He started insisting that I was trying to trap him and his demeanor towards me changed. I have to admit, I did get very emotional and tried to explain that those were not my intentions. I just wanted him to know where I stand, but respected whatever his choice was. He started being very cold to me and eventually, after two weeks, we broke up. I know this is a big relationship foundational topic, and it should probably be a red flag. Something tells me that had he really cared, he’d hear me out and we could work through this. But I feel like there had been a lot of chemistry between us, I really like him, and I want us to work through this misunderstanding. This I week 3 nc.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 8:47 pm

      Hi Ytzel so what you have to understand with the situation is you have scared your guy, thinking that children are on your mind in the near future. You had only been dating a year this is not a fully committed relationship where you had been living together and built a solid foundation to bring a child into the situation, after your no contact you need to treat this as if you are talking to someone new and getting to know them, the advantage now is that you know he is not looking to have a child any time soon

  13. Avatar

    Em

    December 2, 2019 at 3:11 pm

    My ex broke up with me and then started dating a friend on mine. We had a bit of an “on again/off again” relationship for the 7 months that we broke up. Come to the 8th month he starts accusing me of harassment and abuse. However I am not doing any of those things. I suspect it was the girl he was dating or someone else trying to keep him away from me. He called the cops and but they said they didn’t have any probable cause to do anything. I don’t know what to do. I do know leaving him alone is the best course of action, but how do I prove I’m innocent?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 9:04 pm

      Hi Em, so this is difficult but to prove your innocence, rise above it and ignore him. Leave him alone and do not reach out to him. For it to get to this point it is toxic and the best thing to do is distance yourself and remain in a No Contact

  14. Avatar

    kristen

    November 30, 2019 at 5:37 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We dated for 9 months and he come on very strong. He told me he loved me 3 months into dating and after a few more months said I’m someone he would wanna marry. He’s a freshman in college and I’m a senior in highschool so we had to do long distance (1 hour). We did that from this August-October but I could only see him maybe 2-3x a month. We got into an argument bc he was w some girl he met a week beforehand and this girl baked him a cake and food after knowing him for a week. I was mad bc I didn’t like the fact that she liked him but he thought that I didn’t trust him. It was all a miscommunication but about a week later he broke up w me “bc of the distance and not having time for a girlfriend”. And a couple days before he broke up w me he was talking about spending Christmas together and wanting me to work at the same place as him next summer. He was planning a trip outside the country w me and everything too. So the fact that he was saying that stuff and said that he was “losing feelings for about a month” is weird to me.
    So then a week later I see him and that girl he was w that one night on Instagram together hiking. I thought they could be talking but didn’t think anything of it till he commented something on her next post that gave vibes. So about a week later I found out they were officially dating. It feels so crappy that he told me this girl and him were just friends and lit got mad at me for that and then goes and dates her after saying he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend too. So I was pissed and posted my emotions on my private Instagram. I blocked him and his friends so they couldn’t see it. But if someone sent it to him and he texted me PISSED off. He’s a really nice and chill guy but he was cussing at me and saying that I need to get “a f*cking grip. Just because I’ve moved on doesn’t mean you can lie to make yourself feel better”. But the thing is I didn’t even trash him or say anything that bad about him I was literally stating the facts but he got sooo offended it’s crazy. And he doesn’t even want to be friends at the point because “I keep putting him down”, when this was the first time I said anything negative about him. I know I shouldn’t have posted it but I apologized for it and then when I said sorry he kept on coming at me and cussing at me (over text). Then his girlfriend comes into my insta and starts being petty and immature after he called me immature. And another thing to add is that he’s searching me up to see my Instagram story when he doesn’t follow me anymore (so he’s stalking my social media).

    And this all has happened all in a month after we broke up. I still want to eventually after a long time be friends w him bc I genuinely believe that he’s a good guy. I know that I don’t need to contact him for months but it’s hard knowing that he probably doesn’t care about me anymore and that we will never be on good terms or friends. I don’t wanna lose him as a person. Thoughts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 8:15 pm

      Hi Kristen, so the girl has essentially done the being there method on you and your ex and it worked. Because how you shown insecurity and threat. And now they are seeing you as a common enemy. So just ignore the pair of them eventually he will get over things and see you were just hurt and upset. You will have his friendship back eventually but you need to go into no contact for now and not post anything emotional online it is seen as a childs game for attention

  15. Avatar

    Miranda

    November 17, 2019 at 7:11 pm

    My boyfriend and I only dated for about 4 months. He grew more jealous and distant, and I as a result grew more anxious and needy. He left me through text while I was away in another country simply because I asked him what he did the night prior (he went out for drinks with an old friend, her bf, and her coworkers). This set him off and he decided I was needy and jealous & that he would rather be alone and focus on his own things. He also ended up moving back to his family home in Florida. He never acknowledged his jealousy or his avoidant behaviors or apologized. He refused to see me or speak on the phone. Come to find out, a week or two after he slept with someone. This set me off and I told him a lot of regretful things out of anger, confusion and hurt. Initially he always told me he was in it for the long run and just seemed like he overreacted with leaving when I asked him a simple question. Anyway, we both have each other blocked on social media. I know he is angry and there is no way to speak to him. I have failed miserably at no contact. I am scared it is too late and he will always be disappointed and angry with me. It has been a little over 1 month since he broke up with me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 11:14 am

      Hi Miranda you need to spend some time considering if you are able to deal with what comes with a long distance relationship. During that time you can work on yourself to become the best version of yourself so that you do not feel insecure or jealous of him spending time with friends when you live far apart. If you want to get him back you are going to have to learn how to be Ungettable and making sure you post the appropriate things that he is going to notice and make him want to talk to you

  16. Avatar

    xandria

    September 19, 2019 at 5:52 pm

    We had a bad break up. I lied a lot about small things, he found out the lies and said he can’t trust anything I say. I want him back desperately we share a child.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 21, 2019 at 2:49 pm

      Hi Xandria, you need to complete a LNC to let him get over the upset and then start talking again. Read the materials and work on how to gain his trust back. There is plenty of information on the website to help with all of this 🙂

  17. Avatar

    Samantha

    August 25, 2019 at 1:43 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I were together for one year but two weeks after our anniversary I broke up with him.

    Our relationship had two years of friendship and emotional bonding before actually dating. The first year of dating was long distance while he went to college. We visited each other every few months and it was a great year. He made me homemade gifts and kept in touch every week. We had a few communications issues but we ended working through them. In April he started to act differently the week he had finals. We he returned home he stated he doesn’t know if he could do college and have a relationship at the same time. Which i felt was weird because I could leave him alone for days with no contact for him to focus on school.

    He asked his mother for advice and she said to break up with me. We told her earlier in the year that I would be moving to his state (while in school). I thought she seemed supportive and liked me but my ex always keep things from her until months later.

    We went to a wedding together in early May and it was great. We talked the next day and I told him, I will let him go or we can be more casual. He stated he would like to be more casual but he already told his mom we broke up. We didn’t contact each other until early June where I told him I was putting down my dog. We had our one and only date – with him saying goodbye to my dog with going on a walk then having dinner. He talked about going canoeing with his friends and camping etc. all stuff I wanted to do with him and what I wanted to do this summer. He did contact me after I posted on Snapchat I put down my dog. But he wasn’t there for me. A total opposite from September where he drove 10 hours to be there for me to meet my dad after 20 years just to stay 24 hours to drive another 10 hours. A week later he didn’t celebrate our 1 year anniversary. Two weeks later I ended it do to him taking my waiting and being casual for granted. He said he agreed and apologize for approaching the relationship badly. He said this was our first try dating and to keep in touch. I told him I won’t be staying in touch and I will be moving forward.

    A month later I got an envelope with money – from tickets I bought that were delivered to him for an event we were suppose to attend. With writing on it stating “I hope our paths cross again”. I contacted him saying if we can go through the tough times now then we can’t later. He stated he can’t have a relationship now but would like to meet again. I tried to get a date but he didn’t lock one down. So instead I wrote a letter about about everything he did right Then how to started to treat me differently in April. I told him this was good for good; not for now or not until school is done but for good. Not because I didn’t love him .. because he wouldn’t let me. I removed his family, friends, and him on all social media.

    That has now been a month since is done all of that. He hasn’t contacted me at all. I’m not sure if he even received the letter since he lives with his parents. I want to have a relationship with him but I feel it should be him coming to me since he took me for granted. Please give me some advice. He is back in school starting today which brings it back to more distance.

  18. Avatar

    Dana

    July 21, 2019 at 1:25 am

    My ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago, but decided to remain friends. Throughout the friendship, there had been ups and downs, but we both loved spending time with each other. About a week ago, after some consistent downs, he told me that he didn’t want to be friends anymore. Neither of us were the most graceful during that event, but after some conversation, we were on good terms. The next day, we were back to talking. Not as much or in the same ways, but talking none the less.

    We would check in with one another, keep the other one updated on jobs, life, family, etc. Things were good. They were going so well that, after about a week of not seeing each other, we decided to meet up and go for a walk. We had a nice time, and decided to hang out the next day as well.

    This next day went really well in the first half. We decided that we really did want to have each other in our lives, and that we would rather see one another less often, but have a great time, than more often and not have as much fun.

    We were on our way to get food, and things were going great. I thought I had gotten my best friend back. Then I played a song that I had found a couple days earlier, that I wanted to show him. The song happened to be about two people that were going through a rough patch, but the reason I showed it to him was because sharing music with each other was something we’d always done.

    He heard the song, and about half way through said to me “Why are you passively attacking me with this?” He said I was playing games and not telling him how I feel, but trying to give him a message through playing the music.

    I wasn’t intending anything, but he thought that I was trying to communicate something with him through the song. I told him I wasn’t, but he didn’t believe me.

    Then the night spiraled. We started arguing about past issues and things that weren’t working. After a lot of crying from the both of us, emotions running high, and both of us hurting, he told me that he was done. He didn’t want to see me again, and didn’t want to be friends. He said he tried, but it wasn’t working.

    Both of us have hurt each other in the past, but I do love him, and I know he loves me. I thought we could get through anything.

    Currently, we aren’t speaking. Which is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. He owes me a bit of money, and there is a piece of mail for him being sent to my address, but he said he doesn’t want to hear from me unless it’s about that, and he will contact me when he will pay me back.

    I’ve been more sad than I ever have been. It feels like my heart has been torn out of my chest. It feels worse than when we broke up. When we spent time together a few days ago, I was thinking “Yes! We’re friends again!” And then it just went away.

    Our methods of contacting each other in the past included: snapchat, email, and phone. He has me blocked on snapchat, (which was our main app for communication. We mostly texted.) but not on email or phone. He had my unblocked on snapchat for a while yesterday, but then blocked me again, and said to just text him when his mail comes. I want so badly to ask him why he has me blocked on snapchat, but I know that will come across as needy, and that will just make things worse.

    Overall I’m just really sad, and I want to call him and tell him that I meant nothing by playing that song, I miss him, and I don’t want to stop being friends, but I know that he wouldn’t respond well to that, and I know that sounds desperate.

    I guess I’m writing to you on here because I want to know what you think about our chances of being friends again, and how you think I should go about this situation? It all feels very fragile, and I don’t want to do something that could end up hurting us if we have a chance at reconciliation. I miss him so much, and I love him beyond words.

    Any advice will help.

  19. Avatar

    Kay

    May 26, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    A guy I have been seeing on and off for 8 years came back into my life after a breakup last summer. This past year, me and him have become extremely close. Last fall he broke it off to be with another woman and because we didn’t see eye to eye on kids. I realized having my own kids wasn’t a deal breaker for me and love was. So we kept in contact per usual even while he was dating this woman (who was going through a divorce with her second husband). We would go back to each other every time things wouldn’t work out.

    Well the last 3 months, he has gotten close with me more than ever before. We see each other every day, go on vacations, and I am around his kids nonstop, basically dating. No matter what he always had to answer her calls or texts, even if we were on a date. He started backing off the last two weeks and I questioned everything. He couldn’t give me straight answers on if he wanted me, would just say he really cared about me. He said I need to give him space and stop pressing for answers or what we were.
    After not hearing from him for 48 hours, I drove by to see if she was at his house. Sure enough, she was, so I pulled in to confront him and get answers. He told me he took her and her kids in because she got kicked out of her husband’s house and has nowhere to go. It wasn’t what I thought but he wasn’t willing to talk to me. He told me to get off his property or he’d have the cops escort me out. Sure enough, the ex gf left with her kids, the cops came, and I left.

    The ex had no idea we were that serious, he kept a lot from her. But I knew more than anyone about everything. This man is trying to make the ex gf’s husbands life a living hell and will do anything to do so. Am I crazy for wanting him back because I care for him and love his kids? After he called the cops to escort me off the property, would he really realize he made a mistake and reach out again? Would he ever want to make a real effort to date me? What do I do from here?

    Mind you, I have been his support system for 8 years, his best friend, his partner in crime and so much more. I have done nothing to cross him and never acted crazy, until showing up last night. Everyone else has screwed him over non stop. He always said I was the sane one and the girl he should marry.

  20. Avatar

    Danyaile

    May 25, 2019 at 11:03 pm

    My relationship ended about a month ago very badly, we had a fight over something I strongly felt about and he knew it but did it anyway. He moved out immediately that morning in a rage and we fought for about 4 days still, at first he acted like he understood and tried apologizing but I wasn’t ready to hear it. I said so much stuff I shouldn’t have out of angry and gave him my engagement ring back, he still continued to try and come home but I was still furious. Said more stuff I shouldn’t have, we went about a day no contact and I reached out to him after I had calmed down but the tables had now been turned, he slapped me the face with the wanting nothing to do with me anymore, its for the best and he would get a new gf just to prove it to me and he had traded in my ring to the jeweler. I had drove over furious and wanted my ring back since I never intended him having it forever, we had a huge argument in the driveway where he made it clear verbally thst he was done with me and my ring was no longer mine ans gone, that I caused all this and proceeded to call the police on me. So I left and immediately started no contact, he hasn’t even tried to contact me and its been 24 days, I was told my a mutual friend that he was seen at the races with a girl last saturday, 18 days into no contact but he was a mess. Hadn’t shaved in weeks etc, I didn’t message him about it continued on with no contact until last night, when I broke it. No contact at 24 days I messaged him about our sons who he has also not even attempts to ask about I’ll I said was “I know your not talking to me, but your son would like to see you,” That if you can find time he would like it.” “He text me back saying I don’t hate you your my kids mother, but I think this is whats for the best for us and the boys, that He would love to take them tmrw if he can.” I’ll I responded with was “yes that will be fine” He said he’d text me in the morning and he did, “asked what time he could take the boys” at 10:15 a.m and then vanished from the planet
    I responded with whenever you would like I just need to get them dressed and never responded, waited 2 hours and asked if he changed his mind. No response. Its now been 8 hours and I don’t know what to think, Im angry for my kid who I wish Hadn’t even told him his dad was going to come get him since he didnt. I think Im going to go straight back into no contact and hope he never texts me for being a lousy father. Any thoughts anyone?

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