This is going to be one of the most comprehensive guides for writing a letter to your ex on the planet.

I’m going to be answering all sorts of questions for you like,

  • If writing a letter is a good idea
  • When should should write a letter to your ex
  • And what you should say in said letter assuming it’s a good idea

The best part?

I’m going to be showing you what’s working right now in a sample letter.

Let’s begin!

How To Write The Perfect Letter To Get Your Ex Back

One thing you’ll hear me say a lot is that getting an ex back really boils down to two things,

  1. Positioning
  2. Timing

Letters are kind of interesting because they are really only about positioning.

The biggest mistake I see people making is sending an ex a letter way too soon.

In other words, the timing is completely off.

Letters are great emotion enhancers.

That’s pretty much it.

Therefore, it’s important for you to ensure that you time when you send it to your ex perfectly.

I’m going to show you how to do that in this guide.

Here’s the order in which we are going to be going today,

  • When to send a letter to your ex
  • How to write a letter to your ex
  • Sample letter to your ex

Let’s hit the ground running.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

When To Send A Letter To Your Ex

A few months ago I recorded this video on YouTube,

In it, I hypothesized that letters are bad to send to your ex unless you’re already in a relationship with them.

I also stated that sending a letter to your ex too soon can kind of creep them out.

Believe it or not but I only agree with one of those statements now.

That’s shocking to hear me say, isn’t it?

But here’s the thing about “getting an ex back,” it isn’t an exact science which means that as I gain more experience and knowledge I amend my process.

So, what statement do I no longer believe in?

This one,

Letters are bad to send to your ex unless you’re already in a relationship with them.

I’d actually like to amend that hypothesis and say that there is a place for letters in the overall process but only as an emotion enhancer.

What Is An Emotion Enhancer?

Consider for a moment the vehicles in which we communicate with our exes.

Most of us will use,

  • Text messages
  • Social Media
  • Email

The interesting thing about those “vehicles” is that they aren’t very personalized.

They are socially acceptable.

  • You could text a colleague at work.
  • You are friends with that colleague on social media.
  • You use email to communicate with them.

The vehicles of communication you use to communicate with someone can be indicative of how you feel about them.

You don’t just have a 2 hour “skype” or phone conversation with someone unless they mean something to you.

You don’t just talk to someone in person for a couple of hours either unless they mean something to you too.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

You don’t just create a handwritten letter to someone unless they mean something to you usually.

Ok, so we’ve established that a handwritten letter as a vehicle for communication is a lot more personal than a simple text message. I’d like to switch gears now and talk a bit about how letters are best used to “enhance” emotions.

Have you ever seen the movie “Click?”

In my opinion it’s actually pretty underrated and has some hilarious moments,

The premise of the movie is relatively straightforward.

Adam Sandler comes into possession of a magical remote but instead of it being able to control his television it’s able to control his life.

He can pause…


Fast forward…

You get the picture.

Anyways there’s a scene where he forgets his “relationship song” with his wife so he pauses his life and rewinds his life to see what it is,

It turns out that his “relationship song” became his “relationship song” because it was the song playing in the background during his first kiss with his wife.

That’s not the important part though.

How he attained that first kiss is.

If you paid attention to the clip I just linked to above you’d notice that Adam Sandler used a series of notes to progress the kiss forward.

This is probably the best representation of an “emotion enhancer” that I can find.

So, you have Adam Sander out on a date with the beautiful Kate Beckinsale.

He likes her…

She likes him…

This should be easy, right?

Well, getting that kiss can be awkward so Sandler decides he’s going to write these small notes to enhance the situation and make it even more exciting.

It’s refreshing…

It’s original…

It works.

The Biggest Mistake People Make With Letters

The mistake I see people making time and time again is that they write a letter to their ex with the intent of winning their ex back right there and then. I’m saying that, that is the dumbest thing you could possibly do.

A few days ago I updated my overall process for getting an ex back in this article,

This was the graphic I created for how the process should work.

If it’s confusing to you then make sure you read the article I linked to above.

People who write letters to their exes essentially make it, it’s own step.

That’s not how it should be done at all. Rather, it should be used to enhance the process.

It should be used to to propel you forward.

Writing a letter alone isn’t going to win your ex back.

However, it could help move things forward faster.

The only question remains is how.

Let’s answer that now.

How To Write A Letter To Your Ex

It’s important that we operate under the assumption that letters are emotion enhancers.

Basically they are just going to help propel your situation forward by enhancing what is already going on.

Why is that important to remember.

Because so many of the letters you see out there will literally start by detailing everything that went wrong, apologizing for the fact that it went wrong and trying to “talk things out” like adults.

This is a failing gambit in my opinion because all it does is kills momentum.

Let me show you instead how a letter should be written.

Let’s pretend that your ex has always mentioned that they have wanted to visit the grand canyon throughout your time together in the relationship. Let’s also say that since you’ve broken up you are right here in the process.

You’ve built up some good rapport and have even been on a few dates.

However, no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to propel things forward.

You can’t get them to open up or do anything romantic with you.

So, you decide to try your hand in a letter.

Now, before you write this letter we should perhaps talk about your overall goal.

The goal here is to do something romantic together.

Your ex has the dream of going to the grand canyon… you just happen to have some time off of work and can make the trip.

You are going to write a letter to ask your ex if they want to go to the grand canyon.

But how?

Well, lets take a page out of Adam Sandler’s book,

This is the perfect emotion enhancer.

The letter is used only to propel your situation forward by setting up the romantic getaway.

Also I want you to take note that this particular letter was used only because of how far the person was in the process.

If you recall, in this example our subject was in the “dating phase” and had already gone on a few dates.

You don’t start with a letter this bold unless work has already been done for the letter to make sense.

Sample Letters To Your Ex

Alrighty, let’s move on and talk about some sample letters.

Here’s the tricky part about this section.

What people really want is a plug and play template. Something they can simply copy and paste to use on their ex.

I’m here to tell you that with my way of doing this it doesn’t exist.


Because my way of doing things depends wholly on your situation.

So, in order for me to give you a “sample letter” I’d first need to know where you are in the process and a few of your exes likes and dislikes.

Since I can’t do that I’m forced to make up my own.

Lets say that you’ve been on a few dates with your ex but can’t seem to spark any kind of romantic interest from them.

You might be able to try writing them a letter like this,

Start Of The Sample Letter

I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and just wanted to let you know how important of a person you are to me. 

End Of The Sample Letter

Do you see how short that was?

It’s almost comical.

However, that little letter has been getting results for my clients lately and I think a lot of it has to do with the timing of it.

You’ve heard the phrase,

There’s brilliance in brevity?

Essentially it’s the less is more approach.

I’m a big believer in that especially when it comes to letters.

The more long winded you are the worse your results tend to be.

Lets give one more sample before we end things.

In this example the ex is flirting but they aren’t really breaking new ground. You aren’t getting them to open up on the level you want them to.

Start Of The Sample Letter

I have some exciting news to share with you but I want to do something fun with it. I want you to call me at 10:00 PM tonight and I’ll tell you then. I want there to be suspense!

End Of Sample Letter

This one is all about curiosity.

It’s all about building up the anticipation and making them excited to talk to you.

Notice how each of these letters doesn’t try to win the ex back or do an extreme emotion dump. Instead, it’s simply used to advance your situation to the next level.

That’s why letters are perfect for enhancing your situation.

What to Read Next

Can A Breakup Be Good For Your Ex?

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67 thoughts on “Sample Letter To Write To Your Ex To Get Them Back”

  1. Avatar


    July 28, 2020 at 9:10 am

    Hi there,
    I was with my girlfriend for 2 years, it was the most special, wonderful thing for both of us. Never even had one argument or saOut of the blue, 4 months ago, she suddenly broke up with me. She named a couple of nonsensical reasons such as not wanting the same things which wasn’t true. She wouldn’t discuss anything and had made up her mind, our chat wasn’t productive.

  2. Avatar


    July 26, 2020 at 7:12 pm

    I was with my ex for 9 years, we share a 3 year old son. It recently hit 2 years of being seperated. I still love him. He is in a relationship I believe. He doesn’t speak to me much and I do the same. A part of me still wants us to fix things but I feel like he totally just moved on quickly.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 26, 2020 at 7:31 pm

      Hey Crystal, even though you broke up a long time ago you can start following the program just read some more articles and be sure that you are prepared for the work that is needed for the being there method if he has moved on.

  3. Avatar


    June 24, 2020 at 7:41 am

    We were so in love, but he is terrible with confrontation and will do anything to avoid it. On the flip side, he is so loving and thoughtful, generous and intimately open… or was. It was a long distance relationship, as he was working in Gibraltar. Eventually he changed his job to come back to be with me, and then Lockdown in spain occured, where he lived. He lost his job, then found another to get back to me, then couldnt get his dog back then after 3mths finally got back. To protect me, he isolated in his property here for 2weeks, but that was also with his wife (divorce coming but still friends and she wants him back). This past month things have changed. He was saying he needs a break, then then next day he came to me for the week, then he needed me to be more open with him and he was distant, then he missed a weekend with me and we barely spoke although I tried daily. Then he went crazy (not like him) saying I shouldnt have told him other guys asked me out as now whenever I’m online he just thinks I’m talking to them and I’ve made him feel insecure in the relationship.. that if I’m serious about us, I need to show him and ensure he knows he can trust me. I apologised, befriended those men and he sent a message saying we need to talk, hes coming for the weekend, and wants to discuss children, a house together etc. He stayed this weekend gone but was in pain with a bad back and this really limited our intimacy and made it difficult as he was snappy. He didnt want to talk about any of those future subjects either. Now hes returned there is almost nothing. And on the was back he talked about getting a place the other side of the country… suggested me and my daughter moving in… and somehow suggesting the distance may be difficult!? He says hes busy with work and there are no kisses, no calls, no pics. A month ago he couldnt live without me and needed to move in and hear my voice to sleep, 2weeks ago he needed space, last week he wanted to talk kids, now there is nothing but “good morning. Too busy to talk today. Bye” then no responses to me.

    Hes expressly said my silence before made him feel insecure and this may be the result so I’m scared no contact will just seal his distance, confirm that I’m hot and cold but not serious and consistent. Hes never been so cold, but wont break it off either. I hear his wife DOESNT know about me – I thought she did, and is still trying to work it out with him, yet they’re putting the house on the market to split. I’m SO confused. I dont want to end it as that again is confirming I AM unreliable and hot and cold, but I’m loosing him, or is he just testing me. I feel I’ve totally lost value. Should I write a letter as he wont talk?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 19, 2020 at 6:48 pm

      Hey Esther, no you do not write a letter, you need to follow a 45 day no contact and then use Chris suggestions to speak with your ex. You need to work on yourself so that you are the best version of yourself and read articles to help you prepare for your reach out texts

  4. Avatar


    May 15, 2020 at 9:53 pm

    Hi there!
    I need some advice please reply ….Me and him have been together for 2 years, we are each others first everything and mean the world to eachother the past year we have lived together at his place, a week ago we broke up because he wanted space. But I know the real reason is because he wanted more time with his friends which is perfectly okay and I know he needs more time with them every week. We have seen eachother every day since the breakup even though he says we couldn’t but we have hung out every day for hours and when we aren’t together for the other hours of the days we are constantly texting eachother and we still cuddle, kiss, call eachother our cute nickname and engage in sexual intercourse, we still tell eachother we love eachother many times during the day and night we talk about our future kids still and our future dogs and family,and he told me himself he knows I am the one for him. I just don’t know how to get him back right now. I wrote a big speech on my phone about us and how I’ll change and just really amazing things about us and I am wondering if I should read it to Him when we see eachother again tomorrow.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 6:46 pm

      Hi Sandy, I see this has been a few days ago and apologise that you didn’t get a reply before you seen him but I would say that it would be best not to read the message to him as this is not going to help your case right now. At the point of break up No Contact is the best bet as it allows you and your ex space to feel better about yourselves and get over the break up.

  5. Avatar

    Chai Wang

    May 1, 2020 at 8:24 am

    Hi there! I met my ex last summer after coming back from my trip from his hometown. We connected on a dating app and immediately hit it off. This romance and whirlwind of emotions became so strong that we both knew we were already falling in love with each other before meeting. He flew out to see me 2 weeks later and just as I knew my gut feeling, I met the man of dreams. The connection and spark was there. Our relationship was one that was very strong, loving, honest, and communicative. Although, due to distance we only saw each other three times with extended days during the 4 months. Also to note how strongly we fell in love, he surprised me with a promise ring 2 months into our relationship. Although I understand that we had our honeymoon phase, we still knew how much we loved and cared about each other. Unfortunately, one evening things started to take turns. Week after week, he was already stressed with financial issues with his career in trading. And our phone conversation that evening somehow led to a decision to giving each other more space with less communication in order to focus on our individual goals and careers. Our communication over the phone drastically became very little. He told me he it was putting so much strain on him trying to balance an LDR with the girl he truly loves and this new career that he needs to be financially stable for. I understood the stress that he was in and things slowly changed. It is weird looking back now that we both never mentioned the word “breakup”. However, after 2 weeks of no contact, I drunk texted him expressing yo him how much I missed and loved him. He replied a couple days later telling me to watch the movie “La La Land”. Surely I did, and knowing who he is, a romantic old-fashion guy, I understand the message behind the storyline. When two lovers have to separate due to pursuing individual careers and goals, but in hopes to finally be together in the end. Based on the ending of the movie, I told him that I would hope our love story doesnt end that way. My question is, after 5 months of no contact whatsoever since we got off the phone saying “I love yous”, I am moving to his city to start my career and pursuing medicine there, should I reach out to him? If so, should I write him a letter letting him know I have moved to his city and if he was interested in meeting in person?
    I still care about him dearly and love him so much. For me, those feelings are still there and very strong. It is unfortunate that things didn’t last until now even though we had spoken about my move to his city several months in the future.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 9, 2020 at 4:27 pm

      Hey Chai so no do not write him a letter, you need to do this subtly so that he does not think you are moving there just for him. You need to check into somewhere local to him so that he can see you are in his city and wonder why you havent reached out yet, do this a few times and then send your first text that Chris suggests in his articles

  6. Avatar


    April 16, 2020 at 1:43 am

    Hi Chris,

    I dated a guy for 5 months and we really hit it off in the beginning until he lost his job. Slowly he turned to gaming and the more distant he became. He didn’t really expressed himself a lot and I confronted him because I wanted to be there for him and spend some time together. He did make an effort to spend a bit time with me but it was always me asking. Soon our conversation became like a routine and whenever he told me he love or miss me, it became insincere as he said it just to make me happy. Then one day I asked if we should be friends because I felt he has lost interest in me. Indirectly, I have broken up with him. As I reflected, I felt my approach and timing was wrong. I still love him and asked for him back but I didn’t know about the No Contact Rule. We decided to be good friends, but I don’t know how to show my appreciation and if I should write him a letter.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 10:09 pm

      Hey Karman, I would not recommend sending a letter, I would follow the program starting wit a period of NC and then start the texting phase with messages that Chris suggests in his articles and videos

  7. Avatar


    April 14, 2020 at 6:35 am

    Hello, I was dating this perfect man for 5 months. We made a great team and had fun together. He told me he loved me on several occasions and I did in return. We spoke everyday and were practically living together. However like all new relationships, in my opinion, you have to learn the best ways to communication. I’m not very good at this and I get anxiety when I have to be on the spot especially in social environments ie friends or just thinking of competing against other chicks when you’re still at the very beginning of the relationship. Well I was the happiest literally I’d been in a long time and I thought he was too. But one day we went out and I was tired and he kept asking if I was ok. But I didn’t want to cause a scene so I wouldn’t talk to him and was like let just get this done. Well when we got to the car he shut down. Broke up with and was cold. I mean gave me a peck on the cheek cold. It hurt!! Then the next day we went on lockdown due to the corona thing. It’s been 3.5 weeks and this pain isn’t going away. I did the typical text practically everyday up until about 4 days ago trying to get him to talk to me and wanting to fix what I broke. But he wouldn’t reply and finally blocked me on FB and his cell. I miss him and am hoping we can fix this because I’d hate to think I was that ignorant to think he was happy when he wasn’t.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 23, 2020 at 3:22 pm

      Hi Chrissy, I would say that its more that your ex is angry that you did not communicate with him about how you were feeling as abrupt as the break up seems. Stick with a NC for 30 days minimum and focus on working on yourself. If you get unblocked to start the texting phase it is important that you do not bring up the break up or the relationship in the past just try to get some short positive conversations with him

  8. Avatar


    April 4, 2020 at 3:25 pm

    i was dating this girl for two years and everything was great. but near the end of things she started to distance herself day by day and it was emotionally killing me. we finally talked things through and agreed to take a break. after about a month she text me that she missed me so we started to text again. she said she didn’t end things to be with other people or bc she didn’t love me anymore. she said that she is lost and doesn’t know what is best for her. she says she still loves me but she needs time to figure stuff out. i am so confused on what to do i want her back so bad she means everything to me but i don’t know how to win her back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 10:47 pm

      Hey Daniel, follow the rules of No Contact and do not reply to her if she reaches out again within the next 30 days and focus on yourself. You are not going to put your life on hold for someone else forever, so when you start the texting phase and you need to start dating casually too

  9. Avatar


    March 21, 2020 at 10:58 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I was dating this girl for a month and everything was going great. We were going out and having fun and we were sleeping together. I would say I like u a lot and she would say it back. One time I think i took it too far and then she broke it off saying she didn’t want a relationship at this point and saying that she thinks I might be having a this could be it feeling and she was not at the same spot. I really like her and was going to send her a letter?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 11:34 pm

      Hi Mark it sounds as if things went too fast for her. This is difficult as someone who does not want a relationship or get feelings often runs when things get serious. If you want her back then you need to complete a no contact and reach out as a friend and build up that attraction again. However if she does not want a relationship and you feel that you want to be more than that you may need to stay away to get over her

  10. Avatar


    March 15, 2020 at 6:18 pm

    Hi all, I’m wondering if a letter could help my situation. We’ve been dating for 4 months, at the beginning we both really hit it off. While I was slowly falling in love, he became more and more distant and also has a lot to process about the breakup with his ex. A month ago we agreed to break it off because he doesn’t want to hurt me by not going forward in the relationship. I agreed to give him space, but hope we can have another chance somehow. We’ve done no contact for about 3 weeks, now we’ve been texting again, but he seems hot and cold…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 8:58 pm

      Hi Kiki, a letter does not help you in this situation no. As you are texting you just need to find what gets him talking through text and what doesnt. Work towards getting some phone calls in there, a letter will harm your chances right now

  11. Avatar


    February 26, 2020 at 4:12 am

    My boyfriend and I were dating for a little over three years. Our first year and half together was while we were working and the second half of the relationship was long distance (about 2 years). We visited each other every two months or so and everything was always easy between us. A couple weeks ago he told me he wanted to take a break because he didn’t know if we would ever be in the same place. He told me he loved me and that I am probably the greatest girl he will ever meet, but our future together is too uncertain to keep waiting. We ended on good terms, thanking each other and saying how proud we were of each other etc. I stared the NC rule and made it a week but then texted him briefly. After that day ive started over and I’ve been doing the NC rule for about a week and a half and will not break until the time period is over. I’ve spoken to his mother and she suggested I write a letter thanking him for the memories, expressing how I’ve grown, and showing him I’m okay without him. I was considering sending it at the end of the NC period and just was hoping for your opinion?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 10:44 pm

      Hi Sammie, so if you want to get your ex back I do not recommend writing him a letter, I know his mother means well but that emotion is going to take him back to the reasons he ended the relationship and ruin the work you are goign to need to do during NO contact. This is where you focus on yourself make yourself the ungettable girl to your ex. Making him realise his mistake letting you go. However with LDR it makes sense that the eventual goal is that you are in the same place long term. Living together one day for example. Was there these plans in the making?

  12. Avatar

    Liam McDonald

    February 11, 2020 at 4:10 am

    Hello, my name is Liam, and I’ve been having troubles with my ex. A few days ago, a little close to a week, we had a falling out. I got upset, she got upset, I yelled, she yelled, and that was it. I did not reach out afterwards because I felt that she didn’t want to hear from me. Little did I know, she did, and was expecting it to. I feel like this is my fault because I can come too close to a conclusion without an explanation for her actions. I’ve made conclusions too many times without her explaining her actions but I still feel that I am to blame. She, and I FaceTimed earlier this evening, and she explained to me how there is no chance that we are ever getting back together because I yelled at her. I understand why she would feel that way, and fully expected that kind of a conversation even though it was more me listening to her talk about her feelings which I was okay with. There are many things that I have to cover that need patience and time, and I’ve told her that many times before. I fear that she doesn’t understand that I can’t move as fast as her because I need to work at my own pace. I am currently penning her a letter explaining to her that I’d be willing to fix things if she is willing to talk things out, and take things slow. She already has a fellow gentleman that confessed his feelings for her, so I am starting to feel hopeless. ANY advice will surely help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 11, 2020 at 11:06 pm

      Hi Liam, keep working the program and making sure that you are taking on board the advice and making yourself the best version of yourself. I would also read about the being there method to prepare if she does start to date other men.

  13. Avatar


    January 23, 2020 at 1:11 pm

    Hi Chris , thanks for this article. If you could advise me please.My ex broke off with me in October and I did no contact and he reached out during Christmas time and we been chatting for a week, but he was hot and cold and then he said he need some space. After a week I reached out and asked how he was and he said he didn’t expect me talking to him and he seemed to be happy, we chatted spoke for a week and decided to meet. We met and he started saying he want to get back together, I told him we can but I want to take it slow . He started getting intimate and the on Monday says he is bit confused still and feel we are talking only for each other’s company and are not in live anymore. He again asked for space . I agreed.

    I been thinking to give him 15 days and if he doesn’t reach out to write a letter. I still love him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 24, 2020 at 11:23 am

      Hi Jen, you need to go into a real no contact, not 15 days… 30 days! And no letter either. Work on yourself during your no contact and reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles. You do not want to rush the value chain, go slow and steady

  14. Avatar

    C. Gabriel

    November 26, 2019 at 11:07 pm

    Ok, so I am in the dating area but as friends with benefits. Do you advice a letter, or just keep it fun? She doesn’t seem ready to commit yet, kinda feel that she is testing me and looking for what there is out there at the same time.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 12:03 am

      Hey, there is no need to send a letter in your situation. If you want a relationship but you are sleeping together you need to start dating in a more romantic settings so that they invest more time in you and feel the need to commit. As you are not broken up or stopped sleeping together you need to be mindful you do not push them away.

  15. Avatar


    November 15, 2019 at 4:13 am

    Helpful article. About two months ago, after being together for almost 6 months, we decided to “take a break.” The concern was that I wasn’t serious about pursuing the relationship. After no contact for the break, I texted her about getting together and she said she’s seeing someone and hoped I was doing well. She has a milestone event coming up in a few weeks and I thought about writing a letter relative to the event, but also saying how I feel. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 18, 2019 at 8:02 pm

      Hi Walter, so if you want to get her back then I suggest a friendly text and try to build a platform for a friendly conversation rather than a letter at the moment. Writing a letter should be a last resort when youve tried all else that Chris has suggested. If you want to hop over to the website and read some articles and then you are welcome to post and ask more questions if you need 🙂

  16. Avatar


    November 11, 2019 at 10:40 am

    Hello, I’m James.
    I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago. The situation is very complicated, because I worsen it even more with my actions. My jealousy was over the roof, and I was starting to ask obvious and unnecessary questions. She gave me loads of opportunities to change, but I burned them all. You don’t realize what you’ve lost until you do. I hurt her badly with my words. Her wanting to pass on is stronger than to stay with me (her words). I can’t get in touch with her because she blocked me everywhere: Instagram, WhatsApp, my actual number, messages…
    Before she went she said to respect her decision, that everything will get better and we’ll move on eventually. I don’t want to give up on her. She didn’t say she doesn’t love me, as a matter of fact she does, because she told me. It’s just that she can’t stay with me. I tried a no contact week, but it wasn’t completely no contact, because I got in touch with her friends to say sorry to them as well, and to ask if they coul help me (but they hate me). It was a 6 day-ish no contact-ish period. After the 6 days I sent via delivery some flowers and a letter (ticking all the not to do things to write in the letter to my ex). I don’t express myself to well by hand, I’m more of an action type. I didn’t receive any response for the flowers. So I decided to send another letter that would arrive next week. Two days later, I met up with some friends to try and distract myself, but in the end they convinced me to call her seeing that I had her friends phone number, and she was with her as well (I knew because I saw a story on Instagram). I called, but she went back home, so I had to talk to her friend. I told her if she could pass my gf on the phone so I could speak with her for the last time, but she said that she wasn’t there anymore. So I asked her advice, and I told her that I’ve changes and I wanted her to come back. But she said that it’s impossible that I changed in just a week. In the end I convinced her to talk to my ex on the next day, so she would answer at least for the flowers, but she said that she doubted that she would change her mind.
    On the same night I realized of what I’ve done. She must have felt so bad in receiving those flowers. The next day I woke up and saw a message from my ex on WhatsApp. But I saw that she blocked me again ( the message said: “Hello James, I received your flowers and your letter and I thank you, but please respect and accept my decision. For respecting I also mean not putting picture of us in your Instagram stories, stop looking for my friends, and not sending me anything else.. it makes only things harder and and more hurtful. You’ll see that with time we’ll be better and we’ll be able to find the happiness that we’re looking for.
    I’ll send you back your hoodie, the money for the plane tickets for December and a Christmas present that I bought for you
    Not being able to respond (because I was blocked), and in the heat of the situation I called her with my home phone. She answered. I tried talking to her, saying sorry, explaining the flowers and other stuff, but she said that she didn’t want to listen. At one point I said that I’ve changed and she said that it isn’t true, because I didn’t respect her decision, I looked for her. Then I stupidly asked her if she still loved me and she said: “yes I do, why do you ask, should I lie?”
    Me:”because if I were you I would give you another chance because I love you.”
    Her:”Well you’re not me! Bye.”
    Me:”I still love you, and if you ever think in coming back I’ll be here waiting for you..”
    Her: “Goodbye jam”
    Me:”I love you..”
    *End of call*
    And this was yesterday..
    What do I do..
    I’ve said nothing that I wanted to tell her.. I messed up everything.. and it’s all my fault.. I don’t want her money back so I’m thinking of sending it back with another letter..
    I don’t want the hoodie back.. I have it to her for a reason.. and I won’t open the present without her, she has to come back..
    Please help guys..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 9:30 pm

      Hi Jamie, so you need to give her space, do the No Contact as hard as this is. It is needed in the situation. Your jealousy has driven the wedge between you both so you need to work on why you are acting this way. Even though you have realised your mistake you have not spent enough time apart to change your ways. You need to address why you were jealous, why you argued, and also learn how to communicate in a relationship. When you have given your ex 45 days Of NC you can attempt to reach out via text, but if you are still blocked you need to keep going with teh NC and workign on yourself until you are able to speak with her again. It can take a couple of months to hear back from someone who was angry enough to hard block you. So learn to be patient and learn to be happy again while you work on yourself and give her the time she needs

  17. Avatar


    November 4, 2019 at 10:54 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago. He seemed very upset, said he still cared a lot for me but didn’t know how he felt about me or anything at the minute. I love him with all my heart and want him back so badly. I have started No Contact but am worried in 30 days time he would have moved on. I truly think we are good for eachother and that if we worked on this we could make it work forever. I want to write him a letter but am unsure when to send one. I’m just so upset and confused about this whole situation and really want him back, please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 7:15 pm

      Hi Chlo so you would be surprised how many people have the same worry as you do but he is not going to “move on” and meet someone else in 30 days where you are not going to be in his head still. It is said it takes 66 days to get out of the habit of talking with someone who you spoke to daily or was in a relationship with so you are going to be ok for 30 days. You need to work on yourself in that time so that you appear more positive and confident when you next speak to him (after the 30 days)

  18. Avatar


    October 29, 2019 at 12:02 am

    Hi there,

    My boyfriend broke up with me about a year ago. We became friends a few months later talking like we used to. I recently saw him a few weeks ago and he kissed me. I got upset in front of his friends and him because I wanted him back. He apologized and my apology came out as a non-apology so now he cut off contact. I miss his friendship and just want our friendship back. I was thinking about contacting him in a year after I’ve worked on myself. This is the short version of the story. What do you think? Do you think it’s a good idea?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 1:31 pm

      HI Amy, if you want to be friends with your ex then give it some time in NC and then reach out as a friend and dont flirt or allow kisses to happen if you want him back as a boyfriend then you need to follow the process

  19. Avatar


    October 23, 2019 at 1:39 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I met my ex around 6 months ago. We talked online for a few months as I am living in another country currently and it looked like we were already in a relationship. She gave me cute nicknames, sent me a lot of photos of her, told me how much I mean to her and how lucky she is with me. She opened up to me about her past and told me that she dated a fuckboy, older than her who wasn’t interested in a relationship with her. They live in the same city and she told me that they met around 20 times in a year and a half. She said that she hates that guy and that I am a lot better than him and he is completely out of the picture, as they officially broke up 10 months ago. When we finally met irl we spent a lot of time together and a lot of romantic memories. She told me she loves me, and yes she is the one who said it first. Everything was going as normal until last week when she texted me out of the blue that she wants to go back to the other guy because “he is her true love”.
    I’m really stuck now and I don’t know what to do because I know about her bipolarity and depression issues, which by the way are a result of the other guy’s plays with her from the past. I always told her I support and love her and that we’ll get over her problems together.
    I still hope that this was just an impulse of hers.

    Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2019 at 9:24 pm

      Hi Bob, I would NC for short term and reach out to her in a month if you still feel the same but by the sounds of it the relationship with the other man is one of those that is on and off again often and she isn’t going to walk away from that until she has made the conscious decision that she is done

  20. Avatar

    Grace Magama

    October 11, 2019 at 5:59 pm

    Dear coaches
    I am 43 years and my ex is 44, I was in a 4-5 year relationship with my boyfriend, of which we started staying together early 2017 and the relationship has a daughter who is 18 months old. We had communication and accountability problems and they resulted in me asking for a break where, according to me who would introspect and seek common ground at a later stage. We went apart on the 1st of April 2019 and in June I heard from other sources that he had moved on. He did not even bother to let me know that he had decided to move on. When I confronted him about it, he denied it.

    Anyway, to cut the long story short, I decided to become the bigger person and I went to apologise in August because I love him and I thought we could sit and talk. That is when he started pouring his hurt out yelling me what I did and did not do that hurt him and he was so antagonistic, bitter, angry and pushed me away. I acted needy and in desperation because my intention was not to push him away I thought we would one day find a common ground and talk.

    Every time I tried talking to him he would take me back and start chronicling to me what I did to him that hurt him, some of the issues he was bringing up, he had never brought them to my attention during the course of the relationship. I even asked him why he did not mention them and he did not answer me. I wrote him emails, called him texted him and he did not respond.

    I then decided to go on no contact and its has 25 days since I last texted him. I have been working on myself and I am at that point where I will accept what ever he decides, maybe I am impatient. He has never texted me or even cared to find out how her daughter is.

    Can you assist me with drafting the accountability letter that will bring him back or atleast make him seek a dialogue with me

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 12, 2019 at 11:29 pm

      Hi Grace, if you are looking for assistance in that sense it may be a good idea to look at the coaching options so that you can work with Anna or Chris to create this letter. Speaking with your ex on a casual basis about your child and then building up a friendship – where you flirt and friend zone will also create a better rapport between you both

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