This is going to be one of the most comprehensive guides for writing a letter to your ex on the planet.

I’m going to be answering all sorts of questions for you like,

  • If writing a letter is a good idea
  • When should should write a letter to your ex
  • And what you should say in said letter assuming it’s a good idea

The best part?

I’m going to be showing you what’s working right now in a sample letter.

Let’s begin!

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How To Write The Perfect Letter To Get Your Ex Back

One thing you’ll hear me say a lot is that getting an ex back really boils down to two things,

  1. Positioning
  2. Timing

Letters are kind of interesting because they are really only about positioning.

The biggest mistake I see people making is sending an ex a letter way too soon.

In other words, the timing is completely off.

Letters are great emotion enhancers.

That’s pretty much it.

Therefore, it’s important for you to ensure that you time when you send it to your ex perfectly.

I’m going to show you how to do that in this guide.

Here’s the order in which we are going to be going today,

  • When to send a letter to your ex
  • How to write a letter to your ex
  • Sample letter to your ex

Let’s hit the ground running.

When To Send A Letter To Your Ex

A few months ago I recorded this video on YouTube,

In it, I hypothesized that letters are bad to send to your ex unless you’re already in a relationship with them.

I also stated that sending a letter to your ex too soon can kind of creep them out.

Believe it or not but I only agree with one of those statements now.

That’s shocking to hear me say, isn’t it?

But here’s the thing about “getting an ex back,” it isn’t an exact science which means that as I gain more experience and knowledge I amend my process.

So, what statement do I no longer believe in?

This one,

Letters are bad to send to your ex unless you’re already in a relationship with them.

I’d actually like to amend that hypothesis and say that there is a place for letters in the overall process but only as an emotion enhancer.

What Is An Emotion Enhancer?

Consider for a moment the vehicles in which we communicate with our exes.

Most of us will use,

  • Text messages
  • Social Media
  • Email

The interesting thing about those “vehicles” is that they aren’t very personalized.

They are socially acceptable.

  • You could text a colleague at work.
  • You are friends with that colleague on social media.
  • You use email to communicate with them.

The vehicles of communication you use to communicate with someone can be indicative of how you feel about them.

You don’t just have a 2 hour “skype” or phone conversation with someone unless they mean something to you.

You don’t just talk to someone in person for a couple of hours either unless they mean something to you too.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

You don’t just create a handwritten letter to someone unless they mean something to you usually.

Ok, so we’ve established that a handwritten letter as a vehicle for communication is a lot more personal than a simple text message. I’d like to switch gears now and talk a bit about how letters are best used to “enhance” emotions.

Have you ever seen the movie “Click?”

In my opinion it’s actually pretty underrated and has some hilarious moments,

The premise of the movie is relatively straightforward.

Adam Sandler comes into possession of a magical remote but instead of it being able to control his television it’s able to control his life.

He can pause…

Rewind…

Fast forward…

You get the picture.

Anyways there’s a scene where he forgets his “relationship song” with his wife so he pauses his life and rewinds his life to see what it is,

It turns out that his “relationship song” became his “relationship song” because it was the song playing in the background during his first kiss with his wife.

That’s not the important part though.

How he attained that first kiss is.

If you paid attention to the clip I just linked to above you’d notice that Adam Sandler used a series of notes to progress the kiss forward.

This is probably the best representation of an “emotion enhancer” that I can find.

So, you have Adam Sander out on a date with the beautiful Kate Beckinsale.

He likes her…

She likes him…

This should be easy, right?

Well, getting that kiss can be awkward so Sandler decides he’s going to write these small notes to enhance the situation and make it even more exciting.

It’s refreshing…

It’s original…

It works.

The Biggest Mistake People Make With Letters

The mistake I see people making time and time again is that they write a letter to their ex with the intent of winning their ex back right there and then. I’m saying that, that is the dumbest thing you could possibly do.

A few days ago I updated my overall process for getting an ex back in this article,

This was the graphic I created for how the process should work.

If it’s confusing to you then make sure you read the article I linked to above.

People who write letters to their exes essentially make it, it’s own step.

That’s not how it should be done at all. Rather, it should be used to enhance the process.

It should be used to to propel you forward.

Writing a letter alone isn’t going to win your ex back.

However, it could help move things forward faster.

The only question remains is how.

Let’s answer that now.

How To Write A Letter To Your Ex

It’s important that we operate under the assumption that letters are emotion enhancers.

Basically they are just going to help propel your situation forward by enhancing what is already going on.

Why is that important to remember.

Because so many of the letters you see out there will literally start by detailing everything that went wrong, apologizing for the fact that it went wrong and trying to “talk things out” like adults.

This is a failing gambit in my opinion because all it does is kills momentum.

Let me show you instead how a letter should be written.

Let’s pretend that your ex has always mentioned that they have wanted to visit the grand canyon throughout your time together in the relationship. Let’s also say that since you’ve broken up you are right here in the process.

You’ve built up some good rapport and have even been on a few dates.

However, no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to propel things forward.

You can’t get them to open up or do anything romantic with you.

So, you decide to try your hand in a letter.

Now, before you write this letter we should perhaps talk about your overall goal.

The goal here is to do something romantic together.

Your ex has the dream of going to the grand canyon… you just happen to have some time off of work and can make the trip.

You are going to write a letter to ask your ex if they want to go to the grand canyon.

But how?

Well, lets take a page out of Adam Sandler’s book,

This is the perfect emotion enhancer.

The letter is used only to propel your situation forward by setting up the romantic getaway.

Also I want you to take note that this particular letter was used only because of how far the person was in the process.

If you recall, in this example our subject was in the “dating phase” and had already gone on a few dates.

You don’t start with a letter this bold unless work has already been done for the letter to make sense.

Sample Letters To Your Ex

Alrighty, let’s move on and talk about some sample letters.

Here’s the tricky part about this section.

What people really want is a plug and play template. Something they can simply copy and paste to use on their ex.

I’m here to tell you that with my way of doing this it doesn’t exist.

Why?

Because my way of doing things depends wholly on your situation.

So, in order for me to give you a “sample letter” I’d first need to know where you are in the process and a few of your exes likes and dislikes.

Since I can’t do that I’m forced to make up my own.

Lets say that you’ve been on a few dates with your ex but can’t seem to spark any kind of romantic interest from them.

You might be able to try writing them a letter like this,

Start Of The Sample Letter

I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and just wanted to let you know how important of a person you are to me. 

End Of The Sample Letter

Do you see how short that was?

It’s almost comical.

However, that little letter has been getting results for my clients lately and I think a lot of it has to do with the timing of it.

You’ve heard the phrase,

There’s brilliance in brevity?

Essentially it’s the less is more approach.

I’m a big believer in that especially when it comes to letters.

The more long winded you are the worse your results tend to be.

Lets give one more sample before we end things.

In this example the ex is flirting but they aren’t really breaking new ground. You aren’t getting them to open up on the level you want them to.

Start Of The Sample Letter

I have some exciting news to share with you but I want to do something fun with it. I want you to call me at 10:00 PM tonight and I’ll tell you then. I want there to be suspense!

End Of Sample Letter

This one is all about curiosity.

It’s all about building up the anticipation and making them excited to talk to you.

Notice how each of these letters doesn’t try to win the ex back or do an extreme emotion dump. Instead, it’s simply used to advance your situation to the next level.

That’s why letters are perfect for enhancing your situation.

What to Read Next

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81 thoughts on “Sample Letter To Write To Your Ex To Get Them Back”

  1. Avatar

    Cori

    March 19, 2021 at 3:57 am

    Hi
    I have been broken up for a year now
    I have spent this time working on myself and I have not reached out only during new years two months ago. I’m back in no contact. I feel like writing an email to assure him im in a good place n I acknowledge what happened.
    What can I do …..
    Is this right .
    I’m scared

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2021 at 8:26 pm

      Hi Cori I wouldn’t send any emails to say that you are in a good place – I would spend this time using any social media that you have ex to show that you are doing great read articles about being Ungettable and being happy etc. Reaching out with a text that Chris suggests after following a NC for 30 days solid.

  2. Avatar

    Dominique Signe

    November 21, 2020 at 3:25 am

    My ex broke up over text and mentioned he likes me a lot, could even live me in time.
    We got along fine, with the exception of one fear on his behalf. This fear is if a personal nature and seems to be the only thing holding him back. He wants to stay friends. I am grieving but willing to be friends, in time (I shouldn’t hope for more).
    Of course I wish he could overcome this fear, but I cannot change it.
    Suggestions?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2020 at 9:58 pm

      Hi Dominique, without really knowing what his fear is – I cannot advise any better than you just need to try and find a way to reassure him? If not then work on yourself and follow No contact rules and then reaching out with one of Chris first texts

  3. Avatar

    Grant Thompson

    November 16, 2020 at 12:56 am

    I had known this girl since we were 12 and always had a thing for each other. Like always flirted with each other constantly every time we saw each other but never hooked up until like senior year of high school and then lead to dating. Everyone knew that if there was a couple that would get married in high school, that it would be us. It was going great and then I got blackout drunk and ended up having sex with some girl and I don’t even remember it. Woke up the next morning having no idea I did this and I found out that I cheated because my girlfriend saw my hiki. She left that night and talked to me 5 days later saying she wanted to talk and she basically said there is no way we are getting back together because she knows her worth. Has never talked to me since but her friends know she still loves me but just thinks she deserves better. I wrote her a letter, bought all her favorite things and put into a box and dropped it off. I’ve sent texts and called but all I get is nothing but “I’m an asshole” and “you fucked up”. I’d do anything to get her back but nothing has worked

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 27, 2020 at 6:33 pm

      Hi Grant it sounds as if he is hurt and angry still – you are going to have to just leave her alone and let her deal with her feelings. You need to accept you did wrong, you cannot keep apologising to her because it loses meaning if you keep going. You need to take a step back and follow the rules of No Contact, where you allow her to have time without hearing from you for at least 21 days – possibly 30 if you have been gnatting her.

  4. Avatar

    Stan

    October 7, 2020 at 7:15 am

    my gf of one year broke up with me 3mnths ago over a short text. ‘we are done, dont reach out goodbye’ i texted back, ok we don’t need to be in a relationship, Im always here for you as a friend take the time and space you need. It was a emotionally needy due to distance and pandemic. we were in love mutually and the passion was as neither of us had ever experienced. We had planned to live together and grow old together but it was complicated and too much stress and we were forced apart unable to travel. Anyhow i went no contact after the text. She sent a few things of mine back and a letter that said it was bad timing and she didn’t know if we could be friends due to our intense passion and attraction but she was still hopeful. I emailed her a letter about the same length accepting the breakup but hopeful that I could make show up for her in better ways as friend. She never replied to my email. A month letter I sent her a small card with a tiny painting I did and told her i still care about her happiness whether we are together or apart or she has new lovers i see her as a lifelong friend. She blocked me after that which I find extreme because I never messaged her online at all or did a thing on her pages. I thought After 3 months she would be more relaxed and all she had to do was email back one line, ‘ Im not ready for a friendship yet. but I wish you happiness too.’ I mean i did nothing to hurt her. If she met someone new it doesn’t make a difference because she’s non monogamous.
    Im so confused by her extreme behavior. She is avoidant attachment style and recovering from a long term narcissist abuse marriage but im beginning to wonder now if she is the narcissist. Or just no healthy relationship experience. Please advise thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2020 at 8:33 pm

      Hi Stan, when someone has been in unhealthy relationships it does bring out some toxic traits in them where they at times gain a narcissistic tendencies or display behaviours they have learnt from the ex partner, so you could be right about her being a narcissist herself. Take some time (during your No Contact) and decide if you want to be with this person at all, especially knowing that they need to do some self work to be in a healthy relationship. This can take some time, but during which you can take steps to become the best version of yourself and get over the break up with your ex.

  5. Avatar

    KB

    October 5, 2020 at 10:58 am

    My ex girlfriend said after five months that I didn’t trust her .. I have been hurt in past and now she says her feelings changed .. she ended relationship five days ago I love her miss her and want her want me back.. do I write letter or leave her be space

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 5, 2020 at 11:04 am

      Hi KB, you need to allow her to have some space!

  6. Avatar

    N

    October 1, 2020 at 4:26 pm

    Hi Shaunna, my ex and I were together for 2 and a half years. We broke up in July. Nc was 21 days, slow texting phase to phone calls to meeting up at the park. After the first meetup he didn’t text like he would and I asked him to help me pick up my dog from the vet and he did and I could feel as if we drifted. Few days go by and we spoke on the phone about his interests and left on a high note. I ended up sending a very long text message about my feelings for him and that I’m all in it for him. Nothing about it was hateful or any negativity towards him just addressing the relationship. It’s been almost a week and he hasn’t responded to the text. Should I just continue with NC and MOWOMO? I’m feeling a bit crushed that I ruined it and the process…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2020 at 5:48 pm

      Hey N it really is up to you what you want to do, if you send a highly emotional text and get NR often its because they do not know what to say back and just avoid talking about it, you can attempt to re start the program but this time understand that sending a feelings text is not going to achieve what you want, you need to let them think it is their idea about getting back in a relationship, with no pressure or worries about the previous relationship with you

  7. Avatar

    OJ

    July 28, 2020 at 9:33 am

    Hi there,
    I was with my girlfriend for 2 years, it was the most special, wonderful thing for both of us. Never even had one argument or said a bad word either. Out of the blue, 4 months ago, she suddenly broke up with me. She named a couple of nonsensical reasons such as not wanting the same things which wasn’t true. She told me she loved me after the breakup and how amazing it had been, so that wasn’t the issue. She wouldn’t discuss anything rationally at all and had made up her mind, our chat wasn’t productive.
    It killed me, especially as i was already grieving a family member and heading into lockdown. I told her how hurt i was, maybe too often, but i just needed her to know how important this was, how much she means to me and how much i needed to talk because to me there was no reason for it, and i knew i could give her everything she wanted very easily. It was even harder when she had some wrong opinions of me and what i wanted, but i felt completely unheard and couldn’t prove it. She said she wanted to be friends, but even when i tried to talk normally i was ignored. When i received a rare reply, it was quite harsh and always put me down every time. I couldn’t understand how the nicest person I’ve ever met suddenly changed over night. I needed to figure it out, but she never talked. Recently, she blocked me, obviously feeling like this was going on too long and me being so hurt wasn’t doing her any good. I agree with that, but i think anyone would have been that hurt in that situation, if the love of your life suddenly walks away and changes overnight without speaking at all. And i was the only one trying to make the situation better but i was always ignored and kept getting shut down. It was the hardest time of my life.
    I needed to drop her things off, i had given her the opportunity to meet up nicely someday for a catchup and to give them back, but never received any response. I couldn’t look at them anymore, so i drove 50 minutes to her house. I was going to leave them on her doorstep because she blocked me, but it suddenly dawned on me it could be the last time I’ll see her so i just wanted to say bye. She wouldn’t even come to the door and sent her mother instead. That and being blocked made me feel horrible, like i was some kind of monster who’s done something terribly wrong. When I genuinely couldn’t have been any better to her or more generous during our relationship and i was just hurt and confused after the breakup. I felt so misjudged during the whole thing and it really saddens me. About a week later, i felt the need to message her mother, just to say i felt terrible that day and wanted her to know i never meant to cause any harm, i just loved her and wanted to talk. I said i wanted to say sorry and to put all this past us and be friends. I was completely shocked by her response, it was quite mean and ended by telling me to stop otherwise they would take further action. I can’t believe it, and feel like that’s such an extreme reaction.
    I obviously can’t try anything now at all. But i was planning on sending a letter months down the line, just to apologise and to show that i now realise the way i acted was wrong and selfish and i never meant any harm. (Even though i couldn’t help it and she kept hurting me by treating me so unfairly.) Do you have any suggestions please? Would that be a completely inappropriate thing to do any any point? If you think i should at some point in the future, do you have any suggestions on what to say? Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 3:55 pm

      Hey OJ, I would not recommend that you send a letter at all. To those who have tried have never seen a positive outcome from sending a letter to their ex. I would suggest that you spend some time working on yourself, the holy trinity and being Ungettable where your sole focus is on YOU. And then after some time you will find that you could be unblocked, but again you do not jump right into contacting or you’ll just get blocked again. Your time is now going to be about how to not focus on your break up or your ex. Just about how you can achieve goals for yourself to be the best version of yourself. Health, Wealth and Relationships (other than your ex) so new and old friendships, family and how to do things you told your ex you would love to do, and post about it on social media showing that you are living life without them around

  8. Avatar

    OJ

    July 28, 2020 at 9:10 am

    Hi there,
    I was with my girlfriend for 2 years, it was the most special, wonderful thing for both of us. Never even had one argument or saOut of the blue, 4 months ago, she suddenly broke up with me. She named a couple of nonsensical reasons such as not wanting the same things which wasn’t true. She wouldn’t discuss anything and had made up her mind, our chat wasn’t productive.

  9. Avatar

    crystal

    July 26, 2020 at 7:12 pm

    I was with my ex for 9 years, we share a 3 year old son. It recently hit 2 years of being seperated. I still love him. He is in a relationship I believe. He doesn’t speak to me much and I do the same. A part of me still wants us to fix things but I feel like he totally just moved on quickly.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 26, 2020 at 7:31 pm

      Hey Crystal, even though you broke up a long time ago you can start following the program just read some more articles and be sure that you are prepared for the work that is needed for the being there method if he has moved on.

  10. Avatar

    Esther

    June 24, 2020 at 7:41 am

    We were so in love, but he is terrible with confrontation and will do anything to avoid it. On the flip side, he is so loving and thoughtful, generous and intimately open… or was. It was a long distance relationship, as he was working in Gibraltar. Eventually he changed his job to come back to be with me, and then Lockdown in spain occured, where he lived. He lost his job, then found another to get back to me, then couldnt get his dog back then after 3mths finally got back. To protect me, he isolated in his property here for 2weeks, but that was also with his wife (divorce coming but still friends and she wants him back). This past month things have changed. He was saying he needs a break, then then next day he came to me for the week, then he needed me to be more open with him and he was distant, then he missed a weekend with me and we barely spoke although I tried daily. Then he went crazy (not like him) saying I shouldnt have told him other guys asked me out as now whenever I’m online he just thinks I’m talking to them and I’ve made him feel insecure in the relationship.. that if I’m serious about us, I need to show him and ensure he knows he can trust me. I apologised, befriended those men and he sent a message saying we need to talk, hes coming for the weekend, and wants to discuss children, a house together etc. He stayed this weekend gone but was in pain with a bad back and this really limited our intimacy and made it difficult as he was snappy. He didnt want to talk about any of those future subjects either. Now hes returned there is almost nothing. And on the was back he talked about getting a place the other side of the country… suggested me and my daughter moving in… and somehow suggesting the distance may be difficult!? He says hes busy with work and there are no kisses, no calls, no pics. A month ago he couldnt live without me and needed to move in and hear my voice to sleep, 2weeks ago he needed space, last week he wanted to talk kids, now there is nothing but “good morning. Too busy to talk today. Bye” then no responses to me.

    Hes expressly said my silence before made him feel insecure and this may be the result so I’m scared no contact will just seal his distance, confirm that I’m hot and cold but not serious and consistent. Hes never been so cold, but wont break it off either. I hear his wife DOESNT know about me – I thought she did, and is still trying to work it out with him, yet they’re putting the house on the market to split. I’m SO confused. I dont want to end it as that again is confirming I AM unreliable and hot and cold, but I’m loosing him, or is he just testing me. I feel I’ve totally lost value. Should I write a letter as he wont talk?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 19, 2020 at 6:48 pm

      Hey Esther, no you do not write a letter, you need to follow a 45 day no contact and then use Chris suggestions to speak with your ex. You need to work on yourself so that you are the best version of yourself and read articles to help you prepare for your reach out texts

  11. Avatar

    Sandy

    May 15, 2020 at 9:53 pm

    Hi there!
    I need some advice please reply ….Me and him have been together for 2 years, we are each others first everything and mean the world to eachother the past year we have lived together at his place, a week ago we broke up because he wanted space. But I know the real reason is because he wanted more time with his friends which is perfectly okay and I know he needs more time with them every week. We have seen eachother every day since the breakup even though he says we couldn’t but we have hung out every day for hours and when we aren’t together for the other hours of the days we are constantly texting eachother and we still cuddle, kiss, call eachother our cute nickname and engage in sexual intercourse, we still tell eachother we love eachother many times during the day and night we talk about our future kids still and our future dogs and family,and he told me himself he knows I am the one for him. I just don’t know how to get him back right now. I wrote a big speech on my phone about us and how I’ll change and just really amazing things about us and I am wondering if I should read it to Him when we see eachother again tomorrow.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 6:46 pm

      Hi Sandy, I see this has been a few days ago and apologise that you didn’t get a reply before you seen him but I would say that it would be best not to read the message to him as this is not going to help your case right now. At the point of break up No Contact is the best bet as it allows you and your ex space to feel better about yourselves and get over the break up.

  12. Avatar

    Chai Wang

    May 1, 2020 at 8:24 am

    Hi there! I met my ex last summer after coming back from my trip from his hometown. We connected on a dating app and immediately hit it off. This romance and whirlwind of emotions became so strong that we both knew we were already falling in love with each other before meeting. He flew out to see me 2 weeks later and just as I knew my gut feeling, I met the man of dreams. The connection and spark was there. Our relationship was one that was very strong, loving, honest, and communicative. Although, due to distance we only saw each other three times with extended days during the 4 months. Also to note how strongly we fell in love, he surprised me with a promise ring 2 months into our relationship. Although I understand that we had our honeymoon phase, we still knew how much we loved and cared about each other. Unfortunately, one evening things started to take turns. Week after week, he was already stressed with financial issues with his career in trading. And our phone conversation that evening somehow led to a decision to giving each other more space with less communication in order to focus on our individual goals and careers. Our communication over the phone drastically became very little. He told me he it was putting so much strain on him trying to balance an LDR with the girl he truly loves and this new career that he needs to be financially stable for. I understood the stress that he was in and things slowly changed. It is weird looking back now that we both never mentioned the word “breakup”. However, after 2 weeks of no contact, I drunk texted him expressing yo him how much I missed and loved him. He replied a couple days later telling me to watch the movie “La La Land”. Surely I did, and knowing who he is, a romantic old-fashion guy, I understand the message behind the storyline. When two lovers have to separate due to pursuing individual careers and goals, but in hopes to finally be together in the end. Based on the ending of the movie, I told him that I would hope our love story doesnt end that way. My question is, after 5 months of no contact whatsoever since we got off the phone saying “I love yous”, I am moving to his city to start my career and pursuing medicine there, should I reach out to him? If so, should I write him a letter letting him know I have moved to his city and if he was interested in meeting in person?
    I still care about him dearly and love him so much. For me, those feelings are still there and very strong. It is unfortunate that things didn’t last until now even though we had spoken about my move to his city several months in the future.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 9, 2020 at 4:27 pm

      Hey Chai so no do not write him a letter, you need to do this subtly so that he does not think you are moving there just for him. You need to check into somewhere local to him so that he can see you are in his city and wonder why you havent reached out yet, do this a few times and then send your first text that Chris suggests in his articles

  13. Avatar

    Karman

    April 16, 2020 at 1:43 am

    Hi Chris,

    I dated a guy for 5 months and we really hit it off in the beginning until he lost his job. Slowly he turned to gaming and the more distant he became. He didn’t really expressed himself a lot and I confronted him because I wanted to be there for him and spend some time together. He did make an effort to spend a bit time with me but it was always me asking. Soon our conversation became like a routine and whenever he told me he love or miss me, it became insincere as he said it just to make me happy. Then one day I asked if we should be friends because I felt he has lost interest in me. Indirectly, I have broken up with him. As I reflected, I felt my approach and timing was wrong. I still love him and asked for him back but I didn’t know about the No Contact Rule. We decided to be good friends, but I don’t know how to show my appreciation and if I should write him a letter.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 10:09 pm

      Hey Karman, I would not recommend sending a letter, I would follow the program starting wit a period of NC and then start the texting phase with messages that Chris suggests in his articles and videos

  14. Avatar

    Chrissy

    April 14, 2020 at 6:35 am

    Hello, I was dating this perfect man for 5 months. We made a great team and had fun together. He told me he loved me on several occasions and I did in return. We spoke everyday and were practically living together. However like all new relationships, in my opinion, you have to learn the best ways to communication. I’m not very good at this and I get anxiety when I have to be on the spot especially in social environments ie friends or just thinking of competing against other chicks when you’re still at the very beginning of the relationship. Well I was the happiest literally I’d been in a long time and I thought he was too. But one day we went out and I was tired and he kept asking if I was ok. But I didn’t want to cause a scene so I wouldn’t talk to him and was like let just get this done. Well when we got to the car he shut down. Broke up with and was cold. I mean gave me a peck on the cheek cold. It hurt!! Then the next day we went on lockdown due to the corona thing. It’s been 3.5 weeks and this pain isn’t going away. I did the typical text practically everyday up until about 4 days ago trying to get him to talk to me and wanting to fix what I broke. But he wouldn’t reply and finally blocked me on FB and his cell. I miss him and am hoping we can fix this because I’d hate to think I was that ignorant to think he was happy when he wasn’t.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 23, 2020 at 3:22 pm

      Hi Chrissy, I would say that its more that your ex is angry that you did not communicate with him about how you were feeling as abrupt as the break up seems. Stick with a NC for 30 days minimum and focus on working on yourself. If you get unblocked to start the texting phase it is important that you do not bring up the break up or the relationship in the past just try to get some short positive conversations with him

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    Daniel

    April 4, 2020 at 3:25 pm

    i was dating this girl for two years and everything was great. but near the end of things she started to distance herself day by day and it was emotionally killing me. we finally talked things through and agreed to take a break. after about a month she text me that she missed me so we started to text again. she said she didn’t end things to be with other people or bc she didn’t love me anymore. she said that she is lost and doesn’t know what is best for her. she says she still loves me but she needs time to figure stuff out. i am so confused on what to do i want her back so bad she means everything to me but i don’t know how to win her back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 10:47 pm

      Hey Daniel, follow the rules of No Contact and do not reply to her if she reaches out again within the next 30 days and focus on yourself. You are not going to put your life on hold for someone else forever, so when you start the texting phase and you need to start dating casually too

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    Mark

    March 21, 2020 at 10:58 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I was dating this girl for a month and everything was going great. We were going out and having fun and we were sleeping together. I would say I like u a lot and she would say it back. One time I think i took it too far and then she broke it off saying she didn’t want a relationship at this point and saying that she thinks I might be having a this could be it feeling and she was not at the same spot. I really like her and was going to send her a letter?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 11:34 pm

      Hi Mark it sounds as if things went too fast for her. This is difficult as someone who does not want a relationship or get feelings often runs when things get serious. If you want her back then you need to complete a no contact and reach out as a friend and build up that attraction again. However if she does not want a relationship and you feel that you want to be more than that you may need to stay away to get over her

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    Kiki

    March 15, 2020 at 6:18 pm

    Hi all, I’m wondering if a letter could help my situation. We’ve been dating for 4 months, at the beginning we both really hit it off. While I was slowly falling in love, he became more and more distant and also has a lot to process about the breakup with his ex. A month ago we agreed to break it off because he doesn’t want to hurt me by not going forward in the relationship. I agreed to give him space, but hope we can have another chance somehow. We’ve done no contact for about 3 weeks, now we’ve been texting again, but he seems hot and cold…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 8:58 pm

      Hi Kiki, a letter does not help you in this situation no. As you are texting you just need to find what gets him talking through text and what doesnt. Work towards getting some phone calls in there, a letter will harm your chances right now

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    Sammie

    February 26, 2020 at 4:12 am

    My boyfriend and I were dating for a little over three years. Our first year and half together was while we were working and the second half of the relationship was long distance (about 2 years). We visited each other every two months or so and everything was always easy between us. A couple weeks ago he told me he wanted to take a break because he didn’t know if we would ever be in the same place. He told me he loved me and that I am probably the greatest girl he will ever meet, but our future together is too uncertain to keep waiting. We ended on good terms, thanking each other and saying how proud we were of each other etc. I stared the NC rule and made it a week but then texted him briefly. After that day ive started over and I’ve been doing the NC rule for about a week and a half and will not break until the time period is over. I’ve spoken to his mother and she suggested I write a letter thanking him for the memories, expressing how I’ve grown, and showing him I’m okay without him. I was considering sending it at the end of the NC period and just was hoping for your opinion?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 10:44 pm

      Hi Sammie, so if you want to get your ex back I do not recommend writing him a letter, I know his mother means well but that emotion is going to take him back to the reasons he ended the relationship and ruin the work you are goign to need to do during NO contact. This is where you focus on yourself make yourself the ungettable girl to your ex. Making him realise his mistake letting you go. However with LDR it makes sense that the eventual goal is that you are in the same place long term. Living together one day for example. Was there these plans in the making?

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    Liam McDonald

    February 11, 2020 at 4:10 am

    Hello, my name is Liam, and I’ve been having troubles with my ex. A few days ago, a little close to a week, we had a falling out. I got upset, she got upset, I yelled, she yelled, and that was it. I did not reach out afterwards because I felt that she didn’t want to hear from me. Little did I know, she did, and was expecting it to. I feel like this is my fault because I can come too close to a conclusion without an explanation for her actions. I’ve made conclusions too many times without her explaining her actions but I still feel that I am to blame. She, and I FaceTimed earlier this evening, and she explained to me how there is no chance that we are ever getting back together because I yelled at her. I understand why she would feel that way, and fully expected that kind of a conversation even though it was more me listening to her talk about her feelings which I was okay with. There are many things that I have to cover that need patience and time, and I’ve told her that many times before. I fear that she doesn’t understand that I can’t move as fast as her because I need to work at my own pace. I am currently penning her a letter explaining to her that I’d be willing to fix things if she is willing to talk things out, and take things slow. She already has a fellow gentleman that confessed his feelings for her, so I am starting to feel hopeless. ANY advice will surely help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 11, 2020 at 11:06 pm

      Hi Liam, keep working the program and making sure that you are taking on board the advice and making yourself the best version of yourself. I would also read about the being there method to prepare if she does start to date other men.

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    Jen

    January 23, 2020 at 1:11 pm

    Hi Chris , thanks for this article. If you could advise me please.My ex broke off with me in October and I did no contact and he reached out during Christmas time and we been chatting for a week, but he was hot and cold and then he said he need some space. After a week I reached out and asked how he was and he said he didn’t expect me talking to him and he seemed to be happy, we chatted spoke for a week and decided to meet. We met and he started saying he want to get back together, I told him we can but I want to take it slow . He started getting intimate and the on Monday says he is bit confused still and feel we are talking only for each other’s company and are not in live anymore. He again asked for space . I agreed.

    I been thinking to give him 15 days and if he doesn’t reach out to write a letter. I still love him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 24, 2020 at 11:23 am

      Hi Jen, you need to go into a real no contact, not 15 days… 30 days! And no letter either. Work on yourself during your no contact and reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles. You do not want to rush the value chain, go slow and steady

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