Every day I am asked a variation of one simple question,
What is the best way to get my ex back?
And the truth is that there isn’t an easy answer to that question. I have been doing this for half a decade and have seen thousands of my own personal clients and readers of this website get their exes back. The one thing that connects them is the fact that the methods they use to achieve success are all different.
You may have heard me say at one point that if you are trying to get your ex back then you are in a unique situation and your path to success will be different than anyone else.
Nevertheless, you are probably still sitting there and wondering what the best way for getting your ex back is.
So, I have decided to put together this article to tell you.
What Are The Most Successful Ways Of Getting An Ex Back?
I’m a person without a lot of faith.
In other words, I am one of those people that has to see things to believe them and I’m no different when it comes to getting an ex back. While I certainly have many thoughts on what works and what doesn’t work I am going to deem those thoughts irrelevant.
I am only interested in what data says.
Luckily, since I own a rather large website and have guided clients to success thousands of times I have a lot of data to draw upon.
So, for this article I have decided that when looking for the “best ways” of getting an ex back instead of just mindlessly throwing out a suggestion I am going to look at the data from someone who actually got their ex back so there is proof.
In other words, every “way” that I list below is going to be backed up by real people who have gotten their exes back.
And if that’s not enough I am going to provide evidence of my success stories so that you can read, listen or watch where I am getting my data from.
Now that we have that out of the way I’d like to introduce you to what I consider to be the best ways to get your ex back,
- Using some form of the no contact rule
- Sprinkling jealousy throughout the process
- Moving on without actually moving on
- Using game theory to your advantage
(Disclaimer: I don’t want you to think that doing each of these things individually is going to guarantee your success. Often I find that it takes more than the things listed above to successfully win an ex back and there is a certain order in which you have to do these things.)
So, what I’d like to do now is focus in on each of the best ways to get your ex back that I have listed above and elaborate on them so you can fully understand what they are all about.
1. Using Some Form Of The No Contact Rule
The no contact rule is one of those strategies that most “ex back” experts universally agree on.
I’m no different.
Where things get a little interesting though is in the implementation of the no contact rule. I find that each expert out there has their own theory on the right way to implement it.
If you care to hear more about my thoughts on the no contact rule and how it should be implemented click here.
If you are too lazy for that here is a quick definition on how I define the no contact rule,
The No Contact Rule: A period of time, typically between 21 – 45 days, where you ignore your ex on purpose. If they reach out to you, you ignore them. If you get a sudden urge to reach out to them, you ignore it. While the ignoring is going on you are supposed to be spending time cultivating your personal life.
If you’d like to learn a little more about how you should be spending your time during the no contact rule I recommend watching this video I put together,
Why The No Contact Rule Is One Of The Best Ways To Get Your Ex Back
So, you know what the no contact rule is and how it can help you but we really haven’t talked about why it’s one of the best ways to get your ex back.
About three years ago I woke up one day and had an epiphany,
I’ve never compiled all of my success stories together and looked for patterns before.
So, the second I had this epiphany, which was about 6 in the morning I got up and started compiling and researching. After a good 5 hours I had started to notice a really fascinating pattern.
Practically all of the success stories I had compiled have used the no contact rule in some way, shape or form.
I noticed a few other interesting patterns as well but none were as pronounced as the no contact rule one.
In fact, you can read the report I put together detailing my findings where I determined that out of a sample size of 36 successes, 25 of them had used the no contact rule.
That’s about 70% in case you didn’t want to do the math.
Now, I do have one other interesting thing to note.
This study was conducted in 2015 which was quite a long time ago. I didn’t have anywhere near the data then that I have now to draw upon. In fact, back when this study was taken I didn’t even have my private facebook group up and running.
Recently I have found that if you look at the success stories in our private facebook group 100% of them have used some form of no contact throughout the process of getting their exes back.
It’s an important strategy.
2. Sprinkling Jealousy Throughout The Process
Jealousy is said to be a disease.
Once infected it destroys your ability to think clearly and make smart decisions.
It also happens to be one of the best weapons that you can employ to get your ex back.
If you aren’t familiar with my theory on commitment let me give you a quick crash course.
I believe there are six factors that actually create a circumstance where an ex will look at you and be ready to “commit.”
- Satisfaction (He is more satisfied with you than anyone else)
- Alternatives (There isn’t a better alternative out there for him)
- Investment (He’s invested time and money into your relationship)
- Scarcity (You are one of a kind)
- Urgency (He needs a reason to commit to you now)
- Fear of Loss (If he doesn’t act he’ll lose you forever)
You’ll notice I put the factor I really want to zone in on today in bold.
Fear of Loss
Consider for a moment the idea of losing someone in a relationship.
What is it about that, that scares you?
Is it that you may no longer be able to share moments together?
Is it that once the person leaves they are gone forever?
Or is it the fact that you’ll have to worry about someone else enjoying the benefits that your ex can bring to the table?
And this is the psychology for why jealousy works.
By sprinkling jealousy into the equation we create a circumstance where your ex is forced to consider a reality where someone else is going to enjoy the unique benefits that only you can bring to the relationship.
(Disclaimer: I’ve been doing this a long time and one thing that always is important to consider before using jealousy is your situation and your ex. In some situations jealousy may not be ideal to use. I recommend reading this article for a list of those types of situations.)
Why Jealousy Is One Of The Best Ways To Get Your Ex Back
One of my favorite success stories of all time happened with a woman named “Sarah.”
You can actually watch me interview her in the video below,
But if you don’t have the patience for that the quick crash course in her situation is as follows,
- Her ex broke up with her
- He told her they’d never get back together
- She find this website and the services I offer
- She used those services
- She got her ex back
- They got engaged
Well, a few months later I decided to do something I had never done before and do a follow up with her,
In this interview she told me that unfortunately her ex broke up with her again but she ended up following the process we laid out again and attracted her old ex boyfriend back who she was currently dating.
Interestingly, as she began dating this new guy her ex, the one that broke up with her, began to grow jealous and started to do everything in his power to get her back.
Jealousy works and it remains one of the most effective ways to get an ex back.
Lets move on.
3. Moving On Without Moving On
Above I told you a story about what happened when I compiled my data together to start looking for patterns and how eventually the fruits to my labor led me to discover that the no contact rule was one of the most successful strategies you can use.
Well, over the years I didn’t stop this practice of looking for patterns.
On the contrary, I went all in on it.
In fact, I noticed a few other fascinating patterns.
But perhaps none were more interesting than “moving on without moving on.”
I first came up with the concept of “moving on without moving on” in my first iteration of Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
But like many of my ideas for strategies it didn’t garner a lot of attention as big fancy strategies like the no contact rule, texting theory, getting a commitment, etc garnered most of the attention.
Then one day I got this voicemail.
What Did The Voicemail Say?
So, let me give you some context for how I have these voicemails set up. Many of you probably don’t know this but I have my own podcast. On it I interview other experts, talk about success stories and take listener questions.
(Most of the time I’m taking listener questions.)
Well, one of the first listener questions I got was from a woman named Natalie,
“Would you say having your own life despite fear of losing a man actually does the opposite and keeps him interested?”
Let me give you a bit of background.
Natalie had been broken up with her ex for two years (you read that right) and started seeing some amazing strides in her personal and professional life. As these strides started to shine through her ex took notice and began contacting her again.
Essentially she had given up on trying to get her ex back and was ready to move on and yet he had come back into her life.
This is the idea behind moving on without actually moving on in a nutshell.
And ever since I got that voicemail from Natalie I began to really start tracking this phenomenon and I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen it occur.
In fact, most of the time it’s when women hit that point of no return where they are ready to give up completely and simply move on that they start to see some real progress.
I’ve yet to detail the phenomenon behind why this happens but rest assured moving on without moving on works.
4. Using Game Theory To Your Advantage
Did you know that Ex Boyfriend Recovery offers coaching services?
Yep, we’ll get on the phone with you and talk to you about your situation and come up with a game plan on what you should do next.
Currently there are three coaches (so we can handle the demand.)
There’s me, my wife and Coach Anna.
Now, a lot of you probably don’t know this but I met coach Anna through our private Facebook group after she had just undergone a really tough breakup.
She had used my strategies to get her ex back and I was blown away at how she took what I offered and basically made it ten times better.
If you’d like to hear our whole conversation then you can watch the video below,
If you listen to the interview you’ll notice that Anna implemented some really unique concepts to get her ex back.
Specifically the introduction of game theory.
What Is Game Theory And How Can It Help You Get Your Ex Back?
Game theory is officially defined as,
Now, if you’re anything like me you’ll look at that definition and be immediately confused. Luckily, I was able to find this explanation video on YouTube to help you further grasp this advanced concept,
So, after watching that you might still be confused as to how game theory can impact your chances with your ex.
Well, consider for a moment the fact that game theory is all about trying to predict behavior and then once you believe you have that behavior predicted it should tell you the optimal action that you should take to improve your position.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that your optimal action will work 100% of the time but it ensures that you are taking smart logical steps forward to improve your position.
So, how the heck did Anna use game theory to get her ex back?
How Anna Used Game Theory To Get Her Ex Back
So, let me set up the boundaries of the game that Anna played.
Anna and her ex were in a long distance relationship.
Anna was in the midst of a no contact rule so she wasn’t talking to her ex.
But something pressing happened that required her to break the no contact rule and visit her ex. It turns out that she had left her fathers birth certificate at her exes place and she needed to get it.
So, Anna’s ultimate goal was to see if she could advance her situation substantially and potentially make her ex want her back as she went to get her things (including her fathers birth certificate) from her ex.
So, with her ultimate goal in mind she decided to list out some of the things she knew about her ex,
- She knew he liked it when he had to chase her
So, she decided that in order to fully stack the odds in her favor using game theory she was going to find a way to incorporate all three of these things into her interaction with her ex.
How She Made Him Chase Her
One of the most fascinating things Anna did when she got to her exes house was that she literally controlled the interaction from room to room.
They started off conversing in the living room and then she pushed things into the kitchen. After that they went to the dining room.
Oh, I feel it’s important to mention that he followed her around in his own house.
He literally chased her around his own house.
The result clearly worked as he asked her back right there and then after a few minutes.