Today we’re going to talk about why your ex is posting so much on social media.

When I say social media, I’m not talking about something specific like Facebook. I’m talking about all social media platforms

  • Facebook
  • Snapchat
  • Instagram
  • You name it

But if your not really into reading articles and want a broad overview of why your ex keeps posting on social media then this video is meant to help you understand their state of mind.

But first, one of the most asked questions that we get from our clients is, do I even have a chance of getting my ex back?

Now, if you’re sitting there wondering about that very question, I’ve got great news for you. I’ve put together a special quiz designed to answer you.

This quiz will give you an approximate idea of your chances of getting your ex back, and more importantly some of the next steps you should be taking. Just click here to take it!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

A Quick Word On Going To Your Friends And Family For Help

A lot of times when people try to understand why their ex is posting so much on social media, the first place they turn to is their friends or family, and oftentimes those friends and family are actually quite cruel to them.

They say things like, “You shouldn’t be looking at that,” “Why are you so obsessed with what your ex is posting?” “You should be moving on!” and suchlike.

I don’t think those are very productive or sensitive answers; they don’t help with the pain of seeing your ex’s social media posts and him or her looking happy, as if they are moving on.

But it’s very difficult to put yourself in someone else’s position, and they don’t mean to be unhelpful. This article will try to unpick the reasons for all this social media activity, so you can understand and process it in a healthy way.

Is It A Good Sign That Your Ex Is Posting So Much On Social Media?

I’m not going to take a stance on whether or not you should get back with your ex in your particular situation (because really, that’s what we’re pushing you towards the quiz for) but I am going to help you with what’s really going on in your ex’s mind as he posts on social media.

Okay, so you’ve seen some pictures on Facebook, Snapchat or wherever of your ex apparently having an awesome time, with no regard to the breakup or your feelings.

This really upsets you – and that’s natural. But let me tell you that it can often be a good sign – yes, really! He (or she) is desperate to prove to the world and to you, the ex, that they are fine.

They have made the right decision to be apart from you, there are no regrets and now they can do all those things that they were thinking of when they were looking at that grass on the other side and thinking, “Wow, that’s greener.”

In reality, it just isn’t that simple. You had a relationship, a connection, good times as well as bad. They are hurting, even if they are trying to conceal that from you and from the world.

And – this is key – they are trying to convince themselves that everything is fine.

But just as a person can have an Instagram feed full of beautiful travel pictures but inside be super homesick, your ex can be posting happy images and be, well, not so happy at all.

How can you tell?

It all comes down to their habits. We are all creatures of habit – habits allow us to get through our days without overthinking every decision.

And we fall into social media habits too.

Some people will check in everywhere they go, post every day and make lots of stories. Some barely post at all. One man will post couples pictures – another will never do so.

Some people will delete all couples pictures, posts etc., others will leave them (and in case you’re wondering, you’re best not deleting such posts/photos, as it’s too emotional a response.).

I know a client whose ex blocked her on most of the social media channels.

She went in to No Contact, but a few posts sneaked through and she was confronted with him posting lots of check-ins, couple pictures and using hashtags like #makesmehappy.

All things he’d never done before with her.

A total change of habits.

She was devastated, but I helped her to see that there was a good possibility that he was trying too hard to convince everyone – and himself – that this rebound relationship was really working.

And I also reminded her that the honeymoon period is just that – one stage in their relationship which is 100% going to wear off. (It did. She got him back.)

Also, please note that pictures of the Other Woman or Other Man are not to be used to beat yourself up. Work on your Trinity (more on that in the EBR Pro resources) and your own inner and outer beauty, and outshine the Other by being the Ungettable Girl.

Remember that social media shows the best of everything and rarely are people brave enough to really dive into the grittier side of life.

With that introduction over, for the rest of this article I’m going to be talking about four potential outcomes, four thoughts that could be running through your ex’s mind to help explain his behavior.

Behavior #1: They Feel Empty, And This Is Their Way Of Acting Out

As many of you know I have a YouTube channel. A few videos ago I talked about my concept of how I like to view the five stages of grief when it comes to breakups. If you don’t have time to watch the video, here’s a quick summary.

Research has shown that grief often presents itself in different stages.

The stages are:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

These stages are not intended to be prescriptive, or to make the difficult process of grieving tidy or neatly packed away, but they can help you understand your reactions and feelings.

I believe that the five stages of grief are an excellent way of describing some people’s behaviors after a breakup.

What I don’t believe in is the order that they’re often presented in.

Grief over a loss does not follow a linear timeline – you may experience some or all of the elements, and in any order, over different amounts of time.

Everyone’s personal story and situation is different.

When it comes to breakups you can experience all different kinds of emotions – sometimes anger, sometimes denial – and not necessarily in that order.

We often jump around the five stages depending on the day, or we might be stuck in one for days.

Your ex is also feeling these stages of grief: even if they don’t seem to be, even if they are the one who ended things, and even if they say they have no feelings for you anymore.

It stands to reason that an ex going through all of these emotional pendulum swings would want to act out.

Sometimes social media can be the perfect way to do this – an easy and seemingly safe outlet for their feelings.

Behavior #2: Your Ex Is Trying To Get Your Attention

Why would they want your attention specifically?

Think about it from their perspective for a moment. The two of you were together for a long time (usually the longer, the better to explain this point I’m trying to make).

Let’s say you were together for two years.

That means that for two years he was your number one priority (or number two, at least).

But all of a sudden, when you go through a breakup, he’s not getting the attention he used to receive.

There’s no-one asking him how his day went, if he wants anything picking up from the shops, if he fancies going out somewhere fun. And there’s certainly no intimate conversation or sex – even if he suddenly has another woman, the level of intimacy and connection he had with you, won’t be there.

That attention from you is a kind of validation.

It boosts his ego. It boosts his self-esteem – which we’ll talk more about in a minute.

That self-esteem boost that he was getting every day from talking to you, you calling him pet names like babe or honey – it’s gone. He’s trying to find a way to get some of that back.

Why would posting on social media do that? It’s not like you’re going to sit there and say “Hey, let’s get back together” or “Hey, you look really really sexy,” based on one post. You’re just not going to say that stuff (and it’s a good idea not to)!

But what you might do is maybe comment on a photo, or like a photo, or at the very least, watch his stories.

And if you do, it serves as a form of validation for him, a bit of attention from you that is going to give a little boost to his self-esteem.

Of course, you don’t have to give him that. If you use a No Contact rule to encourage him to miss you and regret not being with you, you won’t respond to anything, including social media content.

(What’s No Contact Rule? Check out more here in the No Contact Rulebook.)

Behavior #3: They Feel That Posting On Social Media Will Boost Their Self-Esteem

So Behavior 2 seamlessly blends into Behavior 3.

Here’s the thing that most people know perfectly well, but never talk about when it comes to social media and posting on it.

We only present our best selves.

You rarely go onto someone’s Facebook profile and see exactly what they look like when they wake up in the morning.

You often see them at their most exciting moments, and sometimes people try to manufacture these moments as they go throughout the day.

They crop out the ugly building in the corner of the photo, they add filters or use software to brighten the photo, they add hashtags to make you think they’re having an amazing time. They take 20 different shots to get one good one. They think, hey, I look pretty cool right now, I’m going to take a selfie.

They will never do that when they’re doing something embarrassing or uncool – when they’ve just woken up, or they’re hungover or sick.

Kudos to those people who do – but it’s not most of us.

That’s because we always want people to look at us in a certain way.

Social media is a showcase for our lives, not a true mirror.

The thinking here is that by presenting our best self to the world, it’s going to boost our self-esteem. Likes, comments and shares will do this.

But perhaps the biggest paradox is yes, it can actually boost our self-esteem but in turn it lowers our self-worth.

Have you ever looked at a cute guy or a cute girl on a social media profile or a dating app and thought to yourself, man, I would really like to date that person.

You set up a date and then you see them in person and they look nothing like they looked on their profile.

This is because that person has only presented their best self to you.

They don’t show you the real them. You’re making a date with someone based on how you perceive them to be.

They understand that and they like it, because yes, maybe they have a pretty face, but they consider themselves to be overweight, so they hide that fact.

They still get the self-esteem boost because they feel desirable.

But they also lower their self-worth because deep down they know they are hiding part of themselves away.

Now what’s interesting is when you take a guy that’s going through a breakup, it’s not really a stretch to say that one of the biggest common sides of a breakup is sadness and negative thoughts – they feel extremely bad about themselves.

One of the stages of grief is depression – feeling empty and sad. It’s natural when you’ve lost someone.

So they’re going to find ways to post really awesome pictures of themselves to boost their self-esteem. But this in turn lowers their self-worth, which they will sometimes blame you for.

Behavior #4- They Seek Validation From Others

Social media is all about seeking validation from others. That’s why people post on it.

They want to show their friends and family what they’re up to, sure, but the true reason, as deep down we all know, is that we really like it when people like or comment on our photos, or they say something nice to us.

We especially like it when people idolize us.

So it’s not a far stretch from your ex who’s going through this breakup, who is feeling less loved and valued, to post things to seek validation not from you, but from everyone else.

We especially see this with men who are trying to go on the rebound. They are trying to get validation from other women so that they feel better about themselves and their situation.

It’s the “I’ve still got it,” feeling that they want.

And all it takes is one positive validation from the opposite sex to get addicted to that feeling.

They maybe get one nice comment from that pretty girl they’ve always had a crush on, and you knew they had a crush on when you two were dating, and the next thing you know, they’re posting constantly trying to get not only more validation from a girl like her, but from any girl.

They’re addicted to that little boost of self-esteem.

Perhaps the most interesting part of this concept is that most of the time, they’re not even aware that they’re doing it. They’re a slave to their emotions. They get that little boost and that’s all they want from that point on.

But the feeling wears off, so they have to go through it all again.

So it’s important for you to read between the lines and understand what’s really going on most of the time.

There is one big thing that I want you to take away from this video: when your ex is posting constantly on social media, especially if they didn’t post so much before, it is a result of the breakup: the cause and effect is there.

It’s not always that they want you back, but they are in extreme pain from the breakup and oftentimes the best way to deal with that pain seems to be to hop into the world of fast-track validation on social media, even if it’s not actually the best route to actually feeling better.

So don’t be upset about all that social media activity, and don’t obsess over What It Means. Just know that if you follow the Ex Boyfriend Recovery programme, you are doing the best you can to get him back – if you want to.

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26 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Posting So Much On Social Media?”

  1. Avatar

    Jay

    July 1, 2020 at 4:49 pm

    Hey coach my ex is posting some random dude from YouTube and saying “have a crush on him”
    Because during the realtionship she doesn’t post this stuff
    Is she tryna make me jealous ?
    And what should I do about it

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 1, 2020 at 9:27 pm

      Hi Jay, I dont think that she is trying to make you jealous maybe more about how she can get a reaction from you. When it is a YouTuber you know she is not going to be meeting him, if it was a local guy then this would be more of a jealousy tactic. Rise above these posts.

  2. Avatar

    Gurpreet Kaur

    June 15, 2020 at 6:37 am

    Hey. I needed to ask that.. I dont want my ex back coz he was toxic but he has blamed everything on me and left me. He is into writing and i just checked he had written a poetry full of hatred for someone, i know is for me and has also blamed me for things in it. Why is he doing so?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 15, 2020 at 7:38 pm

      Hey Gurpreet, no matter who it is,they do not want to be the bad guy in their story. So they blame you to make people feel sorry for them. Rise above it true colours always show

  3. Avatar

    Roland Even

    May 25, 2020 at 1:40 pm

    Dear all,

    my girlfriend and I split up roughly 6 weeks ago. We had a beautiful relationship but we never found the right balance in our fights. But we both agreed we had the most beautiful 3 years of our life. I was thinking about breaking up but she was the girl ultimately dumping me. I still wanted to give us a last change as I thought we needed such a crisis and grow together. The last time we saw each other was on that day. A lot of crying on both sides and I off course tried to convince to give us a last chance. She even said, while crying she is so worried that this is her biggest mistake in her life…
    Anyhow, I went into no contact for 3 weeks, then sent her a letter thanking for the beautiful time she returned with a letter but she was also mentioning that she doesnt see any hope in us resolving our issues. The last 3 to 4 weeks again no contact but my brother has been posting (2 times) a status update on whatsapp. He had 3 to 5 pictures of me in these and when we were all having fun and good times. Only family pictures, us fishing, sport, etc…
    And what happens today??

    She blocks my brother on whatsapp….I am not unblocked…

    what does this behavior mean? This women has gotten more and more misterious to me…

    thanks for any advice

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 4:19 pm

      Hi Roland, she has blocked your brother because she is bothered on some level about you enjoying your time. I suggest that you work on yourself for some time and just let her have that time apart, make sure that you work on your Holy Trinity and you prepare a first reach out text after 45 days of No Contact

  4. Avatar

    Karen

    May 12, 2020 at 1:07 pm

    Hey again. Since i last posted my ex has been posting now and then, but not as often as he used to after our breakup. I do not watch his posts, but it pops up that he posted something on story. Like i wrote last time, he never used to post when we were together, this is something he picked up after the breakup. Now that he barely posts anymore I am scared it means that he has forgotten about me. Apparently he doesnt need the attention and to show everyone he is doing great anymore. What does this mean? I am thinking he is over me now and he has lost all feelings he ever had and is fine without me in his life. But then why does he not want to reconcile with me in any way and why is he still walling me out? Is it because he actually isnt over me? I dont understand. I have tried NC but when i reached out he was still as passive and cold. Im doing another NC and still working on myself, but dont know how to show him because he wants no contact. Can it be that he just hates me and will never change his mind?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 9:59 am

      Hey Karen, sometimes it takes exes longer to feel better, the fact hes gone back into his old social media habits may show that he is starting to feel himself again so be sure that you spend the rest of your NC becoming Ungettable and then when you reach out it should be possible for you and he to have a short but polite conversation. Understand though, it is more about him being ready than it is about you personally.

  5. Avatar

    Kevin Daly

    May 11, 2020 at 4:35 pm

    hey! I have a question me and my ex where togther for about a year and a half! We truly love each other. We broke up and I’ve been doing the no contact rule. It’s only been 3 days and it’s very hard. But today she posted around 6 kinda sexual photos on tiktok. She had like a crop top on and short shorts. One even had her butt sticking out or her looking like she wants some action. Should I be concerned I was gonna come back in a month and talk things out but my minds spinning on maybe she is doing it for attention for other guys! Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 19, 2020 at 2:05 pm

      Hi Kevin, as horrible as it is to see your ex behaving in such a way you need to remind yourself she is doing this for attention. Meaning she is feeling low nad maybe even lonely. I also see it as almost childish act to cause an issue. You need to avoid watching any of her social media during your NC as advised. Work on yourself and make sure that your social media, shows that you are doing pretty well without her in your life at this time too

  6. Avatar

    Lisa

    May 8, 2020 at 5:57 am

    Hey again. I did NC a bit more than 30 days, reached out with negative result, then repeated, also with him (not angry, just disciplined) saying we would never hang out ever again. In new NC now, not watching his SoMe activity but on instagram it popsup that he has added something to his story, thats how i know. But since its getting close to 3 months since the breakup i dont think he is posting to distract himself anymore, it has been such a long time im sure he doesnt hurt for that long? I think like you say its a habit now, which obiously meens he is over me and doing fine? And cant he be over me, completely done with me, and still keep his reactance up and never want contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2020 at 9:09 am

      Hey Lisa, it really depends on why you broke up and and how bad the actual break up. I would suggest that you spend more time just showing him you are living life and not sat waiting for him. Also your messages – if you were asking to hang out and see him then you are not following the process. We advise you to reach out with something you know he would be interested in talking about and from there develop a short conversation. That you end first. Then you work up the value ladder from there in quality of conversation. I suggest you read a few more articles on this website to help you fully understand the process here

  7. Avatar

    zeban

    May 4, 2020 at 6:48 am

    my ex is posting sad Quotes about our break up and i don’t know what to say,im afraid that she is will be depressed.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 6, 2020 at 8:42 pm

      Hi Zeban it is a normal reaction that people post emotional things to their social media accounts when they are sad, its a way to relieve that grief they are feeling

  8. Avatar

    Lisa

    April 30, 2020 at 9:01 am

    My ex never used to post on social media only once now and then. Right after we broke up he has been posting pretty much every day sometimes even more than once a day. Him and i have not spoken since we broke up around 2 months ago. At first i thought his posting was a reaction to breaking up with me because i know he still loved me but because our relationship was a bit turbulent, after another fight he felt he had to work on himself and had to cut me out of his life to do so. I hear it takes 66 days to form a habit and he has been keeping this posting up for longer than that. So now i am left here wondering if this behavior actually just means that he has healed, is over me and is just living his good life, like it looks like on some. I mean 2 months has passed, which is quite a long time (yes ive tried nc and reaching out but with no luck, he doesnt want anything to do with me). I mean his pain and need to show the world that he is okay cant last for that long?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 2:44 pm

      Hi Lisa, so where he changes his social media approach after the break up it, the change can last as they find it way to distract themselves then it becomes a habit that they spend more time online. No Contact, needs to be 30 days, where you do not watch their social media activity, reach out or reply to them. While you also work on your Holy Trinity and then you reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles and videos

  9. Avatar

    Karen

    April 4, 2020 at 4:21 pm

    Hi. When my ex and I were together he would only post the occasional story or post on instagram, however after we broke up he started posting like crazy, some weeks several times a day and some weeks a few days would go before he posted. Nevertheless he posted often, and i saw it as a total change of behavior. I took into consideration all kinds of explanations for this, thinking maybe he needed the attention. Now however he has not posted in over a week, which is the first time since we broke up he has posted that little. I am scared it means he is all healed now, over me, doesnt feel the need for attention anymore, and that my chances of getting back together with him are gone, as he is over me. What does it mean? Is there any hope? And if he does feel better and is over me, does that mean i can never get him back?
    For the contexts sake: he broke up with me, even though he said he still had feelings, but amongst other things he couldnt deal with the fact that i wasnt as invested as him. Its been two months and we have barely spoken since, as he has said we wont ever get back together and i have to stop trying to keep him as a part of my life. I tried NC but when i reached out two weeks ago he still said the same.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 10:52 pm

      Hi Karen, a change in social media activity is normal when someone is going through a break up it is their way of coping with their own emotions right now. If you want your ex back however, you need to start with NC where you are not watching their social media activity. Focus on yourself, your Holy Trinity and then plan your texting phase before the end of your NC

  10. Avatar

    Carla

    March 31, 2020 at 10:03 am

    Hi, my ex posted my story posts aimed at me all last week. Now he just posted an ig story about our break up. Its been less than one month since he abandoned me and im having bad thoughts. He is very stubborn and left me without sayibg a word. I dont know what to think or do apart from living thrpugh this situation and maybe hoping that he will get back to me and our little baby.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 6, 2020 at 10:41 pm

      Hi Carla, it seems as if your ex is emotional and angry so for now I would continue with your NC as much as you can while being civil about your child

  11. Avatar

    Kali

    March 28, 2020 at 9:44 am

    Hey, me and my ex broke up nearly 2 months ago and haven’t spoken for nearly 1. He ended things with me because he was very confused and needed time to work on himself.
    He’s always being barely active on social media but this past week he has being posting constantly… including a prank I posted couples of days ago, and that today he also posted.
    Why this sudden change of behaviour from him ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 3:30 pm

      Hi Kali that can be a number of reasons. If they were usually quiet on social media and suddenly watching everythign you do they may be missing you or they may be trying to be on friendly terms with you

  12. Avatar

    sana

    March 6, 2020 at 3:43 pm

    Hi Chris and Team,

    So my ex broke up with me because his life is too “confusing” at the moment but he hasn’t deleted me on instagram snap or whatsapp. He has done this before and we got back together. He is constantly watching my insta story an snapchat story. There’s no activity from himself. But recently he posted something on snapchat he NEVER posts a story on snap. I don’t know if the no contact will work this time. He even insisted we should just be friends after a 1 yr and a half. I lied and told him my phone hasn’t been working so I’ve not seen any of his msgs I asked him if he msg me he said no..But then a week later I blew up and said to him that I had seen his break up msg and I was hurt. All he said was that it wasn’t his fault that I FELL for him. Everybody seems to be telling me to delete him off everything and my friends think he will defiantly come back once his head is cleared up but its not fair on myself. Would appreciate your advice

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 3:22 am

      Hey Sana I would not delete him off things but you do need to go into a no contact for 30 days spending that time working on yourself and not watching what your ex is doing online

  13. Avatar

    Jazz

    February 1, 2020 at 9:51 am

    Hey Chris, Im in a currently very confusing place with my Ex. We broke up nearly 2 months ago after a 3 year relationship. Suddenly he was posting everywhere: snapchat, Instagram and Facebook. Even today i had to see a bunch of snapchats of other girls.
    At the moment we have been talking heaps, we called for over an hour the other day and it was really great. But then he suddenly goes back to rubbing it in my face how fine he is. Very annoying i dont know what to do, i really want him back but he is making it really hard for me

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 7, 2020 at 8:51 pm

      Hey Jazz, so if he is hot and cold like this I would say that he is missing you and the other girls is his way of dealing with the emotions he is feeling. Have you done anything to work towards being Ungettable? Have you followed this process at all?