By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 27th, 2021

Having the ability to convince a man to do something is one of the most powerful abilities that a woman can obtain.

Well, that is what we are going to be teaching Jess today.

Specifically we are going to be showing her how to convince her ex boyfriend to get back with her.

Listen below,

Outlook Of Jess’ Situation

  • She was with her boyfriend for 13 years (YUP, you read that right.)
  • He left her for another woman.
  • She was recently diagnosed with depression (the Ex Boyfriend Recovery family is more than happy to provide her with the support she needs.)
  • She has implemented the no contact rule and is actively focusing on herself.
  • Recently her ex has gotten back into touch with her.
  • Her ex is even ignoring his girlfriend a little bit to talk to her.
  • She wonders if her ex boyfriend is completely done with her?

I am super pumped to help Jess (so much so that I recorded this episode right when I woke up this morning.)

Anyways, lets get right down to the nitty gritty.

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • The advantages and disadvantages that go along with being with someone for 13 years.
  • Whether or not the new girlfriend is a rebound.
  • What I think contributed to the breakup.
  • The super good news for Jess.
  • Getting an ex back from a position of strength.
  • Figuring out what you bring to the equation that no one else can.
  • The newness factor.
  • Not being an easy target.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Important Links I Mention In This Episode

I didn’t mention too many important links in this episode.

But the ones I can recall mentioning are below,

Hmm… I guess I did mention more than I thought.

How bout that.

The Keys To Convincing An Ex Boyfriend To Be With You (The Game Plan)

As always, below I have compiled a game plan that can help a woman convince her ex boyfriend to get back with her.

Check it out,

Game Plan

Get Him Back From A Position Of Strength

In the episode I gave a pretty fun example of selling watches to explain the difference between selling from a position of strength vs selling from a position of weakness.

Well, the same principle applies when you are trying to get your ex boyfriend back.

You need to convince him from a position of strength rather than of weakness.

What Can You Provide Him With That No Other Girl Can?

Convincing a man to do something is all about his best interests.

What do I mean by that?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Well, is dating you in his best interest?

If it’s not then you need to work to show him that you can provide things to him that no other girl can.

Do A Few Mini NC Periods

In this episode I talk about the idea of a “newness factor” and how as a society we like things that are new.

Well, a mini NC rule can work wonders to manufacture periods of newness to fascinate your ex.

Listen to that part of the episode to fully grasp what I am talking about here with that.

Your Not As Easy To Get Back As He Thinks

Jess, I am sorry to say this but you are easy…

NO, not like that (get your mind out of the gutter.)

What I mean is that your ex boyfriend probably thinks you are easy to get back so you have to prove him wrong.

Show him that you aren’t as easy to get back as he thinks.

Remember, men always want what they can’t have.

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 14 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Last week, I was supposed to do a few more of these podcasts. I’m aiming to have at least five a week done. Due to a lot of external factors, I wasn’t able to dedicate the amount of time that I usually am to do these podcast. This is for a number of reasons.

I’m really working hard to expand the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery brand. One of the big projects on my plate right now is doing a complete redesign of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery website. I got in touch with a designer last week. I talked to him. He’s over in New Zealand. I talked to him for about an hour.

We spent the entire week brainstorming ideas on how the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery website should look. A lot of my time was spent focusing on that project as well as building content and answering the questions on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. As a result, I wasn’t able to answer the podcast questions. That is going to change this week. I’m going to work really hard to make sure that I have five episodes out by Friday.

Today’s episode is long overdue. It’s from a woman named Jess who has commented in the show notes on almost every single podcast episode that I’ve come out with. She’s been asking me to answer her question. I was planning on doing it last week. Due to the external factors of working on bigger projects and all the things that go along with that, I didn’t have the time to do it until now.

Today we’re going to hear from Jess who wants to learn how she can convince her ex-boyfriend to be with her. She’s in a bit of a tricky situation. Let’s hear from her now:

“Hi, Chris. My name is Jess. My story starts about six months ago when my boyfriend of thirteen years left me for another woman. In the past two months, I’ve also been diagnosed with depression that I’ve probably been battling with for at least thirteen years.

At the time of the breakup, he said to me that he saw no future. He felt that he had wasted and lost a portion of his life with me. I’ve done the whole desperate girlfriend scenario. I’ve hit rock bottom. I’ve done the no contact. I’m working on myself.

About two months ago, I texted him to let him know of the depression diagnosis. At first, there was not much communication. Most recently, he has started to talk to me via text. Even more recently, he and I had a whole day of a texting session that started with a text but ended with a phone call, which he insisted on. Although he’s persistent with his feelings and has said that I need to start dating, my heart is with him, so that’s out of the question. Even when his girlfriend showed up unexpectedly, he was still insistent on us texting back and forth after she went to bed.

I refused on that one. Now his communication is starting to increase. He’s persistent on being there for me and helping me out even though he’s with her and has no feelings for me. What do you do with that breaking of the wall that he has put up? He’s hurt and scarred. Or is he just done with me?”

Wow, you were with your boyfriend for 13 years. That’s a really long time. That’s longer than a lot of marriages. I will say this. I absolutely love helping and providing advice to women like you. If you were together that long with someone, you have more at stake. You’re more invested in the result. You’re more willing to do what it takes to win this person back.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Thirteen years is a big portion of your life. That’s over a decade. When you have that much time invested, you want things to work out. Sure, speed bumps happen here and there. There are definitely ways to overcome the speed bumps. I’m going to talk to you about how to do that right now. Hopefully this will be a small blip on the radar and you guys can live happily ever after.

Here is a quick recap. You were with your boyfriend for 13 years. He left you for another woman. I’m really sorry about that, Jess. That’s horrible. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling and going through, especially with this recent diagnosis. I’m going to do my best to help you.

He left you for another woman. You were diagnosed with depression. You have done no contact. You are actively working on improving yourself. He’s been talking to you recently, so much so that he’s talking to you while his girlfriend shows up. He just continues to talk to you. You’re wondering how you can get him back in this instance and also if he’s done with you.

The first thing I want to talk to you about is the time frame and the longevity that you’ve had with your ex-boyfriend. Thirteen years is a massive amount of time. There are certain advantages and disadvantages to being with someone that long. Let’s start with the disadvantage. We’ll do the bad news first and then hit you with the good news. The good news is always better than the bad news.

The big disadvantage I see with being together with someone for 13 years is that you have to constantly spice things up. Things can get boring if you don’t do that. I think that this may be one of the reasons that he broke up with you. When you’re together with someone for 13 years, things can get boring if you don’t take the necessary steps or actions to do something about it.

Maybe that happened in your case. Maybe he got a little bored with the relationship. He wanted to try different things out and date other people in order to live a little. That is not necessarily a great thing for him to do but it’s not the end of the world. You need to remember that.

I have a friend who I haven’t spoken to in about a year. He told me an interesting story about him and his girlfriend. He was with her for close to six years, which is nowhere near thirteen years. Still, in my mind, six years is a long time. I remember one day he told me, “Chris, I love her to death. She’s my best friend. I will probably end up marrying her, but I’m kind of bored. When you’re together with someone that long, you know everything there is to know about them. It’s just boring. There’s no newness factor.”

This is not just men, but human beings in general crave that newness. Take a look at how we are constantly glued to our TV screens for a new episode of American Idol, Walking Dead or Game of Thrones. I spoke recently about my addiction to House of Cards. The reason I was so addicted to House of Cards was this newness factor. It was a new season of House of Cards that was released all at once. All of a sudden, I binge watched it and it’s over. I have to wait another year for the new season to come out.

As a society, we are all addicted to newness. New things come out. New is better than old. That’s not always the case. For example, when you date someone new, there is this honeymoon period. There is this excitement that comes with dating someone new for the first time. I think maybe he lost that a little bit with you, Jess. It contributed to his reasoning for the breakup.

Let’s get into the uplifting and motivational stuff. The biggest advantage that you have from being with him for 13 years is that 13 years is a massively long time in relationships. Let’s not kid ourselves. When you look at someone who has been married for 27 years, they would probably say, “Oh, 13 years is nothing.” For most of the listeners, 13 years is a long time. Most women haven’t been with their exes for more years.

You’ve really done something, Jess. Do not take that away from yourself. In that span of 13 years, you’ve had tons of opportunities to build a connection. That’s really hard to break. I think that is also working in your favor. I think that could also be the reason that he is so reluctant to cut contact with you.

There are some breakups that men go through where they will just flat out ignore their ex-girlfriend. They won’t talk to them ever again. That’s definitely not happening in your case. I think you have built a bond with him that this new girl probably can’t compete with.

Also, when you’re together with someone for 13 years, there is this factor that you have to consider. The new girl could just be a rebound. Like I said, one of the reasons he may have broken up with you is the newness factor. He wants something new. This new girl is going to appease the newness factor but she can’t compete with 13 years of history.

I’m not saying that you’re going to get him back 100% of the time. I’m not saying that at all. Even in cases like yours, it’s hard to win an ex back. But there are certain things that you can do to increase your odds of success. I will talk about them a little bit later.

I’d like to zone in on a phrase you said when you were describing your situation. You said that you contacted your ex-boyfriend. He was texting you. His ex-girlfriend came in and he still wanted to contact you. He still wanted to text you. This is extremely good news for a few reasons. I’m going to be straight with you. I don’t know any woman who would be okay with what he’s doing.

Put yourself in the new girlfriend’s position, Jess. Imagine if you were dating your boyfriend and, all of a sudden, you come home. You’re really excited to see him. He’s on the phone. You think, “Maybe he’s on some sort of work call.” Then you start listening in to his conversation. You hear that it’s not a work-related phone call. It’s more of a personal-related phone call.

He’s trying to help someone through a recent diagnosis of something. You were diagnosed with depression and you told him. He’s having a reaction to that. He’s coming to protect you, so to speak.

As a woman, if you put yourself in his new girlfriend’s shoes, you’re probably not going to be okay with him providing that kind of protection and security for another woman. You would be okay with him providing protection and security for you, your needs and problems.

But some other woman’s problems? That’s not going to jive too well. If he keeps contacting you, trying to provide this protection and security and his new girlfriend sees this, she’s going to grow jealous. What happens when people get jealous? Fights often ensue. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong. She clearly thinks that what he’s doing is wrong. They’re going to butt heads. It’s going to cause friction between them.

You asked, “Is he done with me?” The fact that he’s doing this clearly indicates that he’s not done with you. I’m all about actions as opposed to words. To me, words don’t mean much. Actions mean everything. If you say, “I am going to open the door for this person,” but you do not open the door for the person, that makes you a liar. You didn’t really mean it.

If you say, “I’m going to open the door for this person,” and you open the door for them, that means you really meant what you said. That’s what you’re going for. Look at your ex-boyfriend’s actions. Take his words out entirely. Maybe he said mean things to you. Maybe he said, “We’re done forever and I just don’t see a future with you.”

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

The fact that he’s providing this assistance to you in your time of need and he’s willing to make his new girlfriend angry shows that he’s clearly not over you. Deep down, he knows that’s a risk. He just doesn’t care. It shows he’s clearly not done with you. Whether you should get him back or not is a decision wholly up to you.

I’m going to give you a game plan for how you can increase your odds of convincing him to get back with you. The first thing I want to talk about with the game plan is getting him back from a position of strength, and not weakness. This is a mistake that I see too many women make. They beg for their exes back. They try to get their exes back from a position of weakness.

The example that I’m going to provide has to do with selling. Imagine that you walked into a store and you were trying to buy a watch. It doesn’t really matter what type of watch it is. You just know that you want to buy a watch. A salesperson comes up to you. He talks really low. He’s not very confident with himself.

He’s trying to pitch a watch to you but you really don’t know what he’s saying because he’s not confident. If someone talked to you like that in the store and was trying to pitch a product to you, they are doing so from a position of weakness. The salesperson is not confident with themselves. He doesn’t seem like he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t appear up to the task.

Now let’s say another salesperson walks up to you in the same store, selling the same exact watch to you. They tell you, “Jess, I know you love telling time. This watch will tell time better than any watch you could imagine. In fact, it’s so effective that it will literally speak the time to you. You put it on and this watch will speak the time to you.

You don’t even have to do any work. It speaks the time to you. I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet. It is the best-looking watch on the market. There is no better watch than this watch. This watch is the trendsetter. If you don’t have this watch in five years, you’re going to be a loser. All of your friends are going to think you’re a loser.” Something tells me that you’d be more willing to buy from the second person that came up to you. This was the person selling from a position of strength rather than the person selling from a position of weakness.

You almost need to have this kind of effect when you’re trying to get your ex-boyfriend back. I think right now, Jess, you’re trying to get him back from a position of weakness. I’m not saying that to hurt your feelings. I’m saying that to help you correct it. In my opinion, trying to convince an ex-boyfriend to be with you is a lot like selling a product, except you’re selling yourself.

How do you sell yourself? The first thing you want to do is figure out what you can provide to him that no one else can. Maybe it’s emotional support. Maybe it’s physical aspects. You want to figure this out.

Let me give you an example of me and my wife. What can I provide to her that no other man can? I can list off one million qualities. I’m loyal. I do my very best to provide. I try in the relationship. I listen to her needs. I listen to her problems. I try to fix her problems. I try to appease her needs. I like to think of myself as someone who is constantly working to improve his relationship with his wife.

As a result, my wife has seen me as probably the best man she’s ever dated. As a result, I’m married to her. She said yes when I asked her to marry me. That’s because I figured out what I was good at. I figured out what I could provide to her that no other man could. A lot of this had to do with me getting background on her past dating history, what was done to her poorly and making sure that I never repeat those behaviors that her ex-boyfriends did to her.

I think you need to do this with your ex-boyfriend. You need to figure out what you can provide to him that no other girl can. Right now, you’re off to a great start because you’ve been with him for so long. No other girl can, overnight, manufacture 13 years with him. This new girl, in that respect, is not as much of a threat.

I’m not saying that she’s not a threat, because she clearly is. She’s dating your ex-boyfriend. But you do have that leg up on her. You also need to figure out what you can provide to your ex-boyfriend that no other girl can. Then you need to highlight these things when you talk to him. You need to make subtle reminders when you talk to him. You can learn about how to do that in my book, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. This is a step-by-step guide to getting your ex-boyfriend back.

Let’s move on to the next aspect of the game plan. We’ve already talked about selling yourself from a position of strength. We’ve talked about figuring out what you can provide your boyfriend that no other woman can. I also think, Jess, in your situation that doing a few mini no contact periods is a really good idea.

I’ll tell you why. Your ex-boyfriend knows he can have you back anytime he wants. You need to remove this from the equation. If he thinks he can have you, that’s a mistake. The second he thinks he can have you, that’s the second he will get confident. You need to push this down. Men don’t want things that they can have. I already explained this with the newness factor. They want something new.

You have to constantly work to create new aspects of yourself that he needs to obtain. A good way to do this is to have these mini no contact periods. Let him think that he has you for a second. Then—bam—go into a mini no contact period. Maybe it’s three or four days of ignoring him flat out. Then come back onto the map.

Create some attraction in that time and then go back into a mini no contact period. Don’t ever go into a no contact period for seven days. Let him understand that he doesn’t have you. He can’t have you. You’re not as easy to get back with as he thinks. You need to shift his paradigm. You need to make sure that you create this feeling of him wanting you.

You need to make sure that he understands that you’re not going to be as easy to get as he thinks. He needs to work to get you back. That will raise your value in his eyes. I know it’s simple advice, but it’s harder to pull off than you think. It’s also extremely effective.

Women come to my website and say, “Chris, I did it. I tried to get him back. I really tried to put myself in a position of strength and create this thing where he’s always chasing me, but I couldn’t get him back.” I used to get upset when I would hear that. Then I started asking these women questions. I was upset because I want my advice to work. I really want to help you as much as I possibly can.

I started asking, “Explain the exact thing that happened.” They would tell me, “I broke the no contact rule. Maybe I begged a little bit.” When it came down to it, they weren’t as un-gettable as they thought. They were very gettable. You can create this paradigm shift where your ex-boyfriend thinks, “She’s not as easy to get as I thought she was.” That’s going to work wonders for you in the future. That might help him want to get back with you. It will convince him to get back with you.

What is it that I’m always peddling on this podcast, my website, in my content and products? Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself to him right away. Make him work. Make him try. Make him jump through hoops. He may say he hates it, but deep down, he loves it.

He’s hardwired that way. He’s hardwired to work to get a woman. That’s the way things are. Men are hunters and women are gatherers. Think of it that way. Men like to hunt. Give him something to hunt—you. Make him work. Don’t make it an easy hunt. You need to be a harder hunt than the other girls. Then he will chase you constantly.

That’s it for Episode 14, how to convince your ex-boyfriend to be with you. I hope that helps you, Jess. I’m going to put a link in the show notes to my ebook, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. I really think that can help a lot of you when trying to figure out how to get your ex-boyfriend to chase you.

Thanks for listening. Please go to my page on iTunes. Subscribe and review it. I really need those reviews. If you can provide them, I will be eternally grateful. I’m pumped up. I woke up today and thought, “I need to do this podcast. I need to get it out of the way.” Now that I’ve talked for almost 25 minutes, I’m pumped up.

I’m ready to go today. This is a great way to start my day. I’m going to do this more often. I will see you tomorrow with Episode 15. I don’t know what the question is going to be yet. I have close to 50 voicemails recorded. I’ll pick one. If you’d like to leave a voicemail for me, please go to the contact page on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery.

That’s it for this episode. Thank you for listening to Episode 14 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I hope you got something out of this. Have a great week.

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151 thoughts on “EBR 014: How To Convince An Ex Boyfriend To Be With You”

  1. Alice

    April 13, 2017 at 11:10 am

    So my ex and I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. He has broken up with me twice last year n begged me back each time. I broke up with him 2 weeks ago over a stupid argument and then unfriended him since then. Went straight into Nc but broke it today as I had no choice but to text him something important. His replied was short but pleasant. Do I work it out from there or go straight back into Nc for another 2 more weeks? Is it possible for someone to be pleasant to you so soon after a break up and not want to be with you ever again?

    1. Alice

      April 13, 2017 at 11:16 am

      I regret the breakup so much. We don’t fight often though we may have some differences, it is nothing that can’t be worked out. I don’t know what to do.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 13, 2017 at 7:30 pm

      you have to restart the count of 30 days, and do the nc properly.. it’s possible that he’s just being friendly.

  2. Hanah

    January 21, 2017 at 9:45 am

    Hey me n my bf were together for 3 years in which we brokeup once because of me again now we brokeup ,,it has been 6 months since where he texted me n we met once in between,now again I texted him asking him to come back but he is saying he has changed over the past and he no longer has feelings for me, I was a jerk I pushed him, I expressed all me feelings to him almost pleaded but he is not agreeing,,,I don’t know what to do, now I really want him back ,,,what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2017 at 5:48 pm

      Hi Hanah,

      you mean you last talked 6 months ago? how much did you improve since then?

  3. James

    December 31, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    Okay, here’s my story. I really need to know if NC is gonna work for me.

    I’m 25 years old, gay and my ex boyfriend is also 25. We have been together for 1y and 2 months when he broke up with me at the beginning of this month of December. The first 7 months of our relationship were long distance but we saw each other kind of often because we live in cities that are not too far from each other. 2 to 3 times a month, I think. I am his first boyfriend and first real relationship but I’ve had a 6 months relationship before. I was talking about moving to his city after I graduated from college to get a Masters degree there. I graduated in March and then, with his help, I moved to his city at the end of April. I had a job ready for me and I was gonna live with a friend of mine. I always told my boyfriend that I wasn’t moving because of him, but he was like a fuel that was going to make me move there even before I was accepted at the master’s degree program, which is true. The first seven months of our relationship that were long distance were just incredible. He was so sweet and kind to me and he would always put our relationship first. The only fight we got into was when he wanted to talk to me via Skype and I was always out with my friends. He made a surprise birthday party to me and I showed up at his birthday and gave him a dating ring, even though I had to go back to my town the very same day. We talked everyday for hours and hours on WhatsApp and every time I had to go back to my city or he had to, we would both get really sad. He always told me how he just wanted that this long distance phase ended. When I moved to his town, life difficulties started to happen. I got in a fight with my friend who was now my housemate and the job I had was having some trouble to pay me. We started getting into fights, my boyfriend and I. These fights were small discussions that ended up getting out of control because I was so stressed, sad and depressed that things were not going as I had planned. I would sometimes yell at him, not cursing or anything, but that unfortunately was my way of showing my frustration with these little things he did that disappointed me. In June I made him a small book with 52 reasons I loved him and he was really happy with that gift. The “job” that I was supposed to be working on turned out to be a freelance thing and I started to get more and more nervous about my financial situation. My parents didn’t give me much support to move out and always complained about money but still gave me a certain amount every month that helped me live. Still, if I didn’t get a job quickly I wouldn’t have enough money to stay there. My boyfriend throughout this whole time was so supportive of me. He bought a wardrobe for me, he helped me decorate my room, he carried a writing desk with me for more than 1km. Still, we would get into some fights every now and then, but we saw each other almost every day after his classes and we would always go out together. He is a VERY sensitive guy and he always told me that I had to control my temper and that he hated to be yelled at because his parents or anyone never yelled at him. He was the one to choose most of our pastime activities since he was the one who knew the city better than me and sometimes I would get frustrated at him because he often changed his mind. In July I got a temporary job that required me to live in a hotel in a very distant part of the city but I took it since it was a great opportunity and I needed the money (it paid really well). The job ended in September and so we both thought it would be okay and that it was an opportunity I shouldn’t miss. At the same time he got into the internship of his dreams and now besides going to university he would work at this company 6 hours everyday. During my time working and staying at the hotel I would go back to my apartment when I had my day off on a weekend because that way we would see each other and sleep together. I would always tell him that he had to come over to that part of the city too because we had many things to try out there and also because I was the one having to take a bus for more than 3 hours to pass the weekend with him. He told me that since he couldn’t stay at the hotel (because of my roommate) we were not at the same position. He eventually stayed at the hotel one day when my roommate spent the night at his girlfriend’s and he admitted that I was going through a lot to spend every weekend with him. After a few weeks he still wouldn’t come every time I would ask him to and it started to seem to me that he didn’t care if we were going to see each other or not. So one day we got into a huge fight over WhatsApp because I got so frustrated of him seeming not to care if we would see each other or not and he got really angry at me. After that fight he told me that he was feeling exhausted of fighting, that he felt like he always had to be really careful with me, that I changed so much when I get angry and that he was tired of going to sleep crying. He also told me that he didn’t feel like planning our next year trip to Europe anymore. That shocked me a lot, I didn’t know he was that unhappy. When I came back from the hotel and started living closer to him again, things were just not the same. He was almost always busy with his internship and since I was trying to make up for everything that happened, I would always make big plans for us together and ended up frustrated sometimes. One day I asked him if everything was okay because he seemed very away those days and he told me that sometimes he thinks that we got into a really serious relationship really young and that sometimes he missed being single again. He started crying so much and told me that he didn’t want to lose me and that he wanted to work on that with me. I told him that I was a little heartbroken but I was happy that he was sincere with me and wanted to make things work out too. At the time I was studying for the master’s degree admission exam and that was the only thing that occupied my time. Sometimes we would have small fights and in those fights I would get emotional and start crying out of frustration. After every fight we ever had I moved on, not holding grudges or anything, but he would sometimes say stuff to me that meant that he held grudges. On our one year anniversary I wrote him an Ed Sheeran song and with each part of the song I told him how I interpreted him in that song. He cried so much and told me that was the best gift anyone had ever given him. In late November I was accepted at the Master’s degree program of my dreams and I was so happy. I felt like my whole year was worth it even though it was really difficult. He seemed really happy too, said that he was sure I would be admitted and that I deserved every good thing in this world. Just a few days before he had given me a postcard for our 1year 2months anniversary with a poem saying that he would die if someone took my smile from him. I also gave him a mug and a gingerbread cookie for him to start getting prepared for the Christmas season. He spent three days sleeping at my house, Friday we went to a restaurant I picked to celebrate my success in getting into the Master’s Degree Program and it all seemed okay even though he was a little away. Saturday morning he told me to sit by his side because he wanted to talk to me. He asked me for a break because he needed to think a little about our relationship. He started crying so much and told me that he didn’t want to lose me, that he didn’t know what was wrong with him. I cried too and told him that I accepted he was asking me for a break since it was what he wanted. He told me he loved me and tried to kiss me but I turned away and said bye to him. The same day I went to my hometown to spend time with my family and I didn’t contact him. Monday he asked me when I would come back and I said Thursday. He asked me to meet him Friday afternoon. On Friday we met and he broke up with me. I was devastated. I cried so much and I apologized to him, I told him I didn’t mean to have hurt him. He told me that he had changed a lot during this year, that it was not only my fault but the way things happened had their part in the breakup but he didn’t hold grudges. I told him I had thought a lot about us during that week and that I thought we could work together on our problems and that I wanted to be better. I also told him I never thought I would be standing on that side of the table being broken up with (a little arrogant, I know) I asked him if he had cheated on me to which he said that he didn’t. He said that he had talked to his mother and a friend of his that is married and his mother told him that she knew he was unhappy for a while now and that he should break up. Even though he was breaking up with me, he called me “love” once and then said it was difficult not calling me “love”. He gave me back the key of my apartment that he had and a few things that were at his house. I went back home, got all his stuff that was there and gave him back. When I got home I just cried so much and wrote him a big text on WhatsApp telling him that I had apologized but now wanted to thank him for everything he had done for me and that it was difficult to imagine that we wouldn’t have a future together anymore and that I thought our love was not dead it just needed some space to grow. I told him I would disappear for a while to take care of myself and that I wanted him to take care of himself too. He replied saying that he was crying a lot and that he was so confused right now. He also asked me not to disappear too much because living without my smile was hard. Two days later I sent him a message asking him how he was and if he wanted to go to a museum with me. He was very talkative but said that he had a test and reminded me that he had to study (it was true). The next day I was so incredibly sad and with anxiety that I messaged him asking if I could call him. He said “sure”, so I did. I started by talking about my day and then told him that I was feeling really really guilty and that I wanted him to give us another chance and that in his last message he told me he was confused. He got a little angry and said that I could call him to talk about my life or anything else but he didn’t want me to call him asking him for another chance because he wouldn’t give me another chance now. He said that he had problems when he hurt people and that he felt he was an asshole for having to break up with me and then have to repeatedly say he didn’t want anything again. I thought it was over for good. He started liking these terrible things on Instagram and Facebook that talked about abusive relationships and I wrote a message to send to him but never actually did send it. Four days after that (no contact since the call) he texted me and asked if he could call me. I told him he could. We talked for about half an hour and he talked about his week, and I told him about mine, he asked about my new years Eve and started remembering some of the good times we had spent last year. I was chilled and replied him very calmly, also adding conversation here and there. The same day he went to a party and sent me a video of the dancefloor. I woke up at 6am and replied him. He was still awake and asked me what was I doing awake at that time. I told him I had just woke up and went to see the sunrise. I sent him a video of the sunrise and told him to take care and that I was going back to sleep. He wished me good night and sent 4 smiling emojis to which I replied with only 2. Monday morning I wake up to a message of him saying that he misses me a lot, a lot. I replied saying that I missed him a lot too and that all I wanted at that moment was to give him a hug. He continued to say that he missed me so much during the weekend and that everyone was so empty and shallow and that all he wanted at that moment was to be with me. He said that he had been thinking a lot about us. I replied and told him I was thinking about a lot of things too. About who I was, who I wanted to be, my actions, my plans in life… He told me he was happy that I was going through this process and that it has been good for him and for me, even though he didn’t know what the future would hold. I told him that I agreed. I told him I was having a lot of fun with my family and that I was rediscovering myself in many ways. He asked me if I was still at the beach and that he was happy that I was having this time with my family, that it would be good for me. I got a little nervous about the whole “even though I don’t know what the future will hold part” and only said this “I’ve been seeing things in me that I haven’t seen before, I’m indeed discovering a lot about myself”. I didn’t want him knowing where I was. At last he said: “Anyway I just wanted to tell you these things that I have been thinking about. I honestly don’t know what will come out of this. I don’t know what the results are going to be, but I wanted to tell you and I’m happy to see you like this.” I replied: “yeah, of course! Me too. Have a good lunch”. And he said: “thank you”. After that, on the same day at night, I sent him a video of my dogs at the beach and he talked to me a little bit about it, but I noticed that he wasn’t feeling very talkative so I left it at that. On December 24th he started liking some romantic stuff again on his Instagram and I liked some too. On his first phone call he said that he would call me around Christmas but I couldn’t wait to talk to him and didn’t want to wait until Christmas to see if he would call me or not. In my mind if I messaged him he would be very happy and we would talk on Christmas too. So I messaged him and he started very happy at first and wished me “merry Christmas”. I told him “it’s not Christmas yet hahaha” and we talked a little bit about the preparations. At one point I asked him if I could call him and he told me that he was busy at the moment and I said that it was okay. He asked me if he could call me tomorrow and I said okay. He also said he would send me a Merry Christmas message later that night, but “merry Christmas anywaaay”. I said merry Christmas back. He didn’t call me or texted me on Christmas. On Monday 26th he sent me a message early in the morning apologizing for not calling, because he said that he was a little sad, but he hoped I had a great Christmas with my family. I told him “Don’t worry, I hope you’re feeling better” and started to talk about how my Christmas went and he talked to me about his. At last when he started to take a while to reply I told him that I had to take a shower to go to the psychologist and take a blood test because I was going to stop taking the hair loss medication that I was taking (one of its side effects is aggressiveness, impulsiveness and depression and I really started to worry that had impacted how I acted throughout the year). He wished me good luck and said that I was doing a good thing because the medication wasn’t good to me. I said: ” yeah, not at all. I’ve been reading a lot about it”. And there it is. The last time we talked. He didn’t write me no more after that and I don’t plan to write him. Not even wishing a happy new year. I’m not liking anything on Instagram lately and not looking at his Instagram story since then (which shows who looks at it and who doesn’t). I’m completely off the map. Today I replied to a friend of his who wished me a happy new year. I took 2 days to do it and didn’t really told her sorry, but on the message she talked about “when things get in their proper place again you can contact me, you know that door is open”. I replied her today because I know she’s probably gonna be with him in New Years Eve and I didn’t want to make it seem like I’m suffering so much and that I didn’t even want to reply her. Did I do it right? I don’t know why but I feel like the way I replied to his “I miss you a lot” message was where I totally messed things up. I know I ended up being a little rude by not answering him if I was at the beach and by answering repeatedly that I was discovering a lot about myself and having a good time with my family. After that he suddenly stopped liking romantic stuff on Facebook up until Christmas eve. And then, after Christmas, he totally stopped and is now liking pictures of male models. He also liked something that made me really sad today. Something about people who say that some stuff happens because we are supposed to learn and grow from it and how that was total bullshit because some stuff should never happen to anyone. What do I do? I don’t plan on contacting him until I get back to the city so that I return him his stuff. Or should I wait for him to contact me first? He’s the best person I’ve ever met in my entire life. I’m trying to move on and I know that one day I might find someone that is just as good, but I really want to try again with him. I want to be a better person and I want to be with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 1, 2017 at 6:45 pm

      Hi James,

      there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but if a restart is what your relationship it needs, no contact rule can help increase your chances.. so, try it first before fully moving on.

  4. Dasha

    November 30, 2016 at 12:30 pm

    Hello! I am in a really tricky situation at the moment. My bf and I have been together for almost two years in a distance relationship. (I have to move to the UK and he lives in Portugal) before that we lived quite close. However we met online when he was in Switzerland so it has always been a distance relationship. 6 months ago we split up it was really difficult as we were still in love but think were not working properly (I have a really strong character and fight quite often for stupid things) so… He broke up with me, I begged him not to but as you know that did not work. I found this site days after that and I followed every step I did the no contact rule for a like 2 months and then 3 months after we broke up I had to go back to Portugal… So i told him, he still had some bags I left in his house so I had to go and pick them up so we arrange I was going to sleep there for a couple of days to get my things back… He was not very conviced as he still was convice we should not be together but it happened anyway and I went to stay with him. The first day went perfectly I used the pull/push advise and he totally fell for it… He was talking to his friends telling them he did not know what to do as I was so good with everything and he even thought I didnt like him anymore…After that night he asked me to be together again and we were “happy” until one month ago.. the fights went out of control again and he wanted to break up instead I asked him for sometime to think about it.. While the time was passing by I bought him a ticket to England on his birthday the 9/12 to come here a sort things out but I didnt tell him until a few days ago he didnt take it well and he wanted to break up with me he said he doesnt feel the same way and he is going to think if he should come or not as he think “he will be using me” I really dont know how to convice him to come I really think at least we deserve that but he doesnt think that way and he is pushing me back and it is really painful. I cant use the no contact rule as the flight is in one week time and I need to know if he will come or not! Help!! I feel everything that happened 6 months ago is repeating I still have hope we could make it work again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 30, 2016 at 9:54 pm

      Hi Dasha,

      Well, give him space for now.. let him think.. maybe 2-3 days.. don’t force him because that will just look like you’re arguing with him again.

  5. Mel

    July 13, 2016 at 9:00 am

    Hi there, I don’t know if you can help but I met a guy about 2 months ago, I personally wasn’t looking for anything but decided to give it a try and I kid you not I actually feel like I fell in love with this guy. He pursued me and took me out so much. He always wanted me around at his house and always wanted me to come back after work to be with him. I’m not really that kind of person but I agreed as I was starting to like him A LOT. After about a week of being at his house I received a message from him saying he wanted to chill with his friends and needed a bit of space. He brought my things to my house and asked if we were still meeting up the next Wednesday, I said yes and he went away. He texted me that night saying it felt weird not having me around and he missed me already. And told me to come back the next day. Come the next day he didn’t reply my messaged or calls till the following day. He messaged me saying it was moving too quick for him and he came out of a really bad relationship and it was too much (I didn’t nag him or smother him by the way). I was gutted and said its fine but I still wanted to meet up and talk which he said was fine so we decided to meet up the next day. The next day I messaged him saying it was fine and I didn’t want to start a relationship this rocky anyway, to which he replied he missed me and wanted to work things out and he had been an idiot. I agreed and we met up and he said he wanted to be with me if I still wanted to. I said yes and we were fine for a day. The next day he messaged me saying he couldn’t do it and he has a lot of family issues he’s going through and thought it would be unfair on me to continue seeing me. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing again. I was gutted. I know it seems pretty short of a time to fall for someone that quick but I honestly thought I saw a future with him. We haven’t really spoken and he has blocked all my social media except my phone number and whatsapp. I messaged him yesterday to get my friend to pick up some stuff I left at his nut he never replied. I’m so upset and I really would like to sort things out. I know the situation might make me seem pathetic but it’s really how I feel. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2016 at 6:06 pm

      Hi Mel,

      it feels that way because you’re still in honeymoon period..try to do active no contact for three weeks

  6. helena

    April 25, 2016 at 5:11 am

    Chris, help. My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 2 years. Recently we broke up because he said he fell out of love with me and wants to be free, not tied down to anybody. Our relationship was a great one — first love, bestfriends, first experiences. However there were alot of arguments and he was always the one who straightened things out while i was being a brat. I know how much he loved me but i abused that. Months before the breakup he was getting tired. After not seeing each other for a week he told me he felt happier and lighter and that he didn’t feel the longing of being with me anymore. But he didntshow any signs of losing affection it all just happened in that one week. Im confuconfused. Did he really fall out of love with me or is he just tired? He still keeps my stuff with him

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 26, 2016 at 9:01 pm

      Hi Helena,

      even if he’s just tired, it’s going to lead to him falling out love if nothing changes.. So, you have to be more independent and show him that you’re a partner and not a responsibility.

  7. Katherine

    October 27, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    My ex and I were in a pretty serious relationship for a little under a year and it was great for the majority, head over heals, and then due to some communication deficits and negativity towards each other, we went our separate ways (clearly not by my choice). He stated he wanted some space to figure out where feelings were coming from and where he saw our future, but it just turned into a break up. For a few months afterwards I did essentially everything you shouldn’t do to get that person back, with short periods of 2 weeks at a time of not speaking. We would see each other or talk here and there and have a great time, and then when push came to shove he still was not ready to try again. I eventually smartened up and did NC for over a month and did some self love time. Recently I initiated contact again and have tried to somewhat stay in control of it. I suggested it would be nice to catch up and he agreed, which is new. But I do not want to go through all of this again. How do I make that happen without pushing it too much and ending up in the same spot I was a few months ago?


    May 26, 2015 at 4:44 am

    What I am going to do next after the NO CONTACT RULE for 30 days?

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 2, 2015 at 2:27 am

      You start preparing a text and use texts through the re-attraction phase.

  9. Is my Ex in rebound

    April 6, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    I was with my ex in a serious relationship for 1yr 4 months, last month he started acting more and more distant I confronted him and he finally admitted he cheated on me. We broke up but he would contact me everyday begging me to talk to him saying he still had things to say to me. I couldn’t ignore him anymore and finally asked what he still needed to say. He saiid he wants me to consider a break to work things out he’s still in love with me and knows he doesn’t deserve me but deep down he still wanted to salvage what’s left between us. So I agreed to a break but after a week I met up with him to pick up my things and I asked him what he really wanted. I gave him a second chance but he said he decided let’s just move on he’s not ready to be committed in a relationship right now. Why did he insist on a break acting like he wanted to work things out but in the end he just wanted to break up?
    He said he wanted to still be friends but I flat out said no I can’t, it’s been over 2 weeks since I’ve done NC. He has messaged me twice just asking is everything ok. I haven’t replied. He said it was a 1time thing with that girl, but he said she was being aggressive in pursuing him since December and he never bothered to tell me. I also know he’s been seeing the girl right now, is he in rebound with her?

    1. LOLA

      April 28, 2015 at 8:00 am

      Hi Chris,

      to cut a long story short, me and my ex partner were together for 2 years (living together 1.5 years) over the last 8 months he has been getting drunk every 4-6 weeks causing a huge row which leads to me telling him to leave, he always came back the next day or so pleading for my forgivness, i always went back hoping he would change, he never. 2 weeks ago i walked out on him then he came back the next day DRUNK, saying he loved me then dissapeared. I then made contact 3 days later as I had not heard a peep, he was angry, and told me it was over, I accepted this. went NC for a week, spoke again after this week and he was very cold, rude and shouted that he no longer felt anything for me and I should move on again I kept it classy and said bye. the next day i recieved a missed call and a text saying, he was sorry for how he spoke to me but its over and his moving on yet he will always love me. this was two days ago (I never replied) do you think this is the end or do you think he will crawl back?
      (our relationship was very suffocating at times, on his part, he was very paronoid)

    2. please help

      April 9, 2015 at 2:07 am

      Hi Chris, I’d really appreciate it if you could reply! I’m so confused why he insisted on a break acting like he wanted to work things out but in the end he said lets just move on even though I gave him a chance. When we broke up he said he was just a 1 time thing with the girl, but I found out he’s been seeing her lately, I’m not sure if that’s considered a rebound if he’s been talking to her since December behind my back

  10. joe

    April 1, 2015 at 9:10 am

    hi Chris, i have been with my ex for a year only and we have been into some problems. he asked a break without saying when it is going to stop. i kinda forced him to tell me when the break is going to stop and after few weeks i called him to my place so we can talk about it and he told me that it over… i didn’t take it and up to now i can’t believe it. i started the NC for 2weeks but i did text him again. he is telling his friend that he does not need advice so that we can get back together, hee told them he knows what he is doing… i dont know what to do anymore, i love him and i want him back!! plssss help i can’t sleep… one more thing we are in the same university now, difficult not to run into him.

    1. admin

      April 2, 2015 at 11:40 pm

      Unfortunately you have to start your NC over because you broke it…

  11. Julia

    March 25, 2015 at 12:35 am

    Hey! my situation is similar to Jess’s in the podcast.
    19 years with him, i’ve also been diagnosed with depression (which has been following me most of my life) and i think he left partially because well – 41 year old dude wanted to do “more’. Dont know why he didnt want to do it with me but ok.
    Jess – hopefully you can give us an update? I’m interested in if you were successful and maybe you have some advice 🙂

    1. admin

      March 31, 2015 at 7:05 pm

      19 YEARS!!!

      Wow, there are marriages that don’t last that long.

      I am sure Jess will give us an update!

  12. Rachel

    March 24, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    My boyfriend of just 4 months says he’s thinking of leaving me because he loves me but isn’t “in love” with me yet. He says that he wants so badly to be in love with me because I’m everything he’s ever wanted. Now we’re taking some space so that he can see if he misses me or not, but he seems to think he’s supposed to be head over heels in love with me by now, and I think it’s too quick to say it’s a failure.

    I was thinking that maybe my pending divorce might have been a turn-off to him, or that I was too stressed around him, or that he got a knee injury about 2 months ago and thus is just feeling bored with life in general because he’s not active. I don’t want to push him away but I worry that the more time I let him stew on this, the more certain he will be to break up with me, but I want to convince him that it’s to hasty to break off. We’re perfect together and he knows that. I wrote him 5 days ago just to tell him that I was fine and not to worry. He said he would call me after a while. What can I do to convince him to give us a chance without pushing him away?

    1. admin

      March 31, 2015 at 6:39 pm

      I think you hit it on the head.

      I think the divorce may have been a little bit of a turnoff.

      I mean, technically you aren’t 100% divorced yet.

    2. Rachel

      March 24, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      Forgot to mention I wrote him to tell him I’m fine just 2 days after he said he needed space. I did it because I cried a lot when he happened (he did too) and I didn’t want him to worry. Not sure if that was the right move, but other than that message 5 days ago we haven’t spoken. He has liked a few facebook posts of mine but absolutely nothing else.

  13. Rebecca

    March 23, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    My ex and I had a bit of a bitter break up, he ended things and that day my friend found him on a dating website he stated that he was looking for a relationship, I stupidly took to Facebook in my absolute rage and of course because I was hurt. which I deeply regret.

    He said to me that he was over it and that he wished me all the best.

    How do I get him back ?


    1. admin

      March 24, 2015 at 8:53 pm

      What did you do on Facebook

    2. rebecca

      March 24, 2015 at 11:34 pm

      I basically wrote a status calling him the C word saying how disrespectful it was that he signed up to a dating website the day we broke up. I know I shouldn’t have done it but I was so angry and upset .. We were half way through messaging and I was thinking we could sort it out but then I found out about the profile I hated him !

    3. rebecca

      March 25, 2015 at 6:11 pm

      Do you know what .. Forget that question, let him leave! I have no idea why i am crying and holding onto the thought of him coming back, when it was clearly so easy for him just to be done. We ended. And instead of fighting for us he decided to get on a dating website and find someone knew. Shows how little i meant.. Why would i want to be with someone like that ? I don’t. So don’t worry about replying .. Its completely his loss !! Maybe one day he’ll realise that.

    4. admin

      March 31, 2015 at 8:01 pm

      Hi Rebecca,

      Love the attitude.

      Sorry I was late responding to your question.

    5. Rebecca

      April 2, 2015 at 9:08 am

      Thanks Chris

      I just think maybe we should all take a step back and realise our self worth sometimes, I was head over heels for this guy, through my love and support I brought him out of depression. And the way he thanks me is talking to girls and flirting and being disrespectful. I see this as a huge life lesson and will definitely go into a relationship with complete caution now.

  14. Kaylie

    March 23, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    Hi Christ,

    I really am struggling and could really use your advice asap. I’ve used your site before so I know all the rules but my situation is different. My ex and I have known each other and been inseparable since 6th grade. Dated all through high school but broke up because of maturity. It’s now two years later and we actually got back together. Things were beyond amazing; he’d grown up and become so mature. Things were good for about 4 months then I went home for a few days and didn’t hear from him. When I got back he said things just didn’t feel the same. He thought of me as a friend while I was gone. Gave it another try thinking he was confusing that feeling with just relief that we had space. Two weeks went by and we went on spring break. He pulled away and left again. We’re back and he wants to be friends but I want more. We have mutual college friends and live across the street from each other so nc is nearly impossible. We were each others first everything including first love. How does it go from perfect to falling out of love in a matter of weeks. Please help! This is nearly killing me.

    1. admin

      March 24, 2015 at 8:51 pm

      Hey, did you leave me a voice message?

    2. Kaylie

      March 26, 2015 at 6:30 am

      Yeah I did! But I wasn’t sure it went through, the app has been acting weird so I decided to go this route in case you didn’t get it!

    3. Kaylie

      March 23, 2015 at 8:13 pm

      *Chris sorry typo I just caught

  15. Tamaaraaaaa K

    March 14, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    i got test and im not .. so what to do nc?
    he wanted break from us .. and he told me he has to think about us few days if he wanted the relationship .. he isnt contating me what to do

    1. admin

      March 15, 2015 at 4:51 pm

      Give him the break for now. You need to regroup.

  16. krutika

    March 14, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    Me and my boyfriend both of us are 20 and are together for last 3 and a half years. Yes we had the best of our days till the 2nd year but then both of us went apart for college. I am in my city and he’s at a place where we meet only for the time he comes for holidays. We are the bestest friends to each other. I love him like hell and can’t even think about leaving him though in our fights or i should call frequent fights it was me who said to breakup but to make things alright and to go back to him was also me. We’re having a lomg distance relationship now from past one and half year. Both of us fight alot. He doesn’t have time to talk. Never talks to ke on phone as his room mates are always around. We only talk on whatsapp. We’re having so many issues probably thousands of times by now we’ve decided to end the relationship but we just couldn’t thibk of getting apart. Suddenly one day when i said for the breakup and we didn’t talk for two days i went back to him and said sorry and asked him to make things work again. But since 20 days he’s constantly saying he doesnt wants to be togwther anymore he doesnt love me and all. I felt guilty and by now for infinite times i felt sorry to him. He just wants to get seperated. I really need help! I cant just live without him! He’s everything to me probably the nost special guy on the earth! I love him :'(

    1. admin

      March 15, 2015 at 4:49 pm

      So you clearly love him.

      I get that but you have to be careful about appearing too into him. You will lose your value a bit if you do that.

    2. krutika

      March 19, 2015 at 1:20 pm

      I forgot to mention we started talking again. But as friends but truly i dont just want his friendship i ant to be loved in return. What should i do?

    3. kruika

      March 28, 2015 at 11:24 am

      I was actually looking up for your reply for so many days. Chris, I dont know you but now I think you’re the only one I can trust after all those reviews. Tell me what should I do to make him want me back?

    4. krutika

      March 19, 2015 at 1:01 pm

      Please help me telling what do i do to get him back in my life?
      I was in a no contact section and on the 3rd day i talked to him he clearly said he faced a lot of problems being in a relationship but i really want to give us another chance and make things even stronger than before. Even today i called him up and he started crying and said being in a relationship is creating stress for both of us.i just can’t think of anything else. I want to be with him. I want to be the reason for his smile. I’ll do whatever it takes to bring him back in my life. He’s coming after 10 days to the city back for a week and said we’ll sort things out but he doesn’t wants to be in relationship. How do i convince him for a fresh start. I want to make things work between us. I can’t even think of us being apart. Help me. I’ll do anything for him!

    5. krutika

      March 19, 2015 at 1:07 pm

      He’s in stress he only says he wants to be alone and concentrate on studies. But i want the things to get normal even i want to concentrate on my studies but the only thing is that he just clearly said he doesn’t have any feelings and didn’t want to be in relationship but he wants to talk to me. He says he wants to meet me when he comes home .
      I just want him nothing else help me please i’ll do whatever it takes to! :'(

  17. Amy

    March 13, 2015 at 1:59 am

    Couldn’t you argue that Jess’s ex is contacting her out of guilt? I don’t mean to be a downer, but I’ve been in a similar situation and I would hate for her to get her hopes up if he really does have no feelings for her.

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 8:48 pm

      You can argue that as well Amy.

      I’ll admit that I was trying to keep things positive for her.

  18. Natalie

    March 12, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    I’m in a very complicated relationship with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for almost 3 years now but we had a lot of tough times. During this 3 years he was breaking up with me few times, but EVERY time he was coming back missing me. The only reason he breaks up with me is his age. He is 22 years old and he thinks he’s too young for such a long and serious relationship, he is scared that by the age of 40 he will regret being with his first girlfirend. But the same time he always comes back to me. I’m his closest friend and the best girlfriend he will ever have, and he knows it. We are very close together, he understand each other perfect. I know sounds selfish – i’m the best and he won’t find anyone better. It’s not that i’m the best woman in the world, but i’m the best for him – we fit perfect together, he knows it and that’s why he can’t definitely let me go. He told me he knows that we could be happy together, even for the rest of our lifes but he feels he’s too young.
    Our break ups look like this: he’s kissing me, huging, makeing love with me, treating me still like his girlfriend, but the same time telling that he’s not ready now and we can’t be together.
    I’m totaly lost and i have no idea what to do. Is there any chance he will change or realise what he’s doing? I used to believe he can change. Once we had a 4 month break without seeing and talking to each other. He came back crying how much he missed me, telling me he’s afraid that he for the rest of his life we will regret letting me go. We got back together, and after 4 month he left me again – but still coming back. He tried to break up with me so many times and always failed. He always comes back – to kiss me, hug me, talk to me. The break ups are tough for him too.
    I believe you know similar cases and could give me some advice. What to do with a immature boyfriend? I don’t want to give him to other girls so he can see that it doesn’t work with them. He triend last time and he was comparing us all the time. She was’t better in anything.
    I tired to describe it as short as i could – you get milions of messages but i hope you can help me somehow.

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 8:23 pm

      In other words, your ex got a bit of the GIGS when comparing you to other girls?

  19. Reviewer

    March 10, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    Hello, I reviewed your podcast in a detailed and honest matter… But I didn’t get the book… I gave it a 5 star and I was the one with the musician boyfriend who also thanked you in my review… I replied to your email about the podcast, but never got a response about my review.. Can you please contact me about it? Thank you 🙂

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 6:36 pm

      I sent you over a book to this email address!

  20. Jess

    March 10, 2015 at 10:44 am

    Thanks Chris
    It’s funny you mentioned mini nc. I’ve been doing that for the last week. Lol. Great minds think alike. Thank you for taking time out to help me. A lot of what you said makes A LOT of sense. And yes I hate to admit it but I am in a state of weakness right now. Which has never been me! The break up and my health has sadly put me there. I am searching for myself right now. It’s what is needed if I am to be successful. And right now that’s what I am going to do. I will still work on him n I, but it’s me that is important right now. And I think he knows that too. He respects my requests when I ask for them.
    Again thanks for your help and support.
    I will certainly keep you updated on my progress.
    And yes I know I have a long path to venture down. But everything happens for a reason 🙂
    With much gratitude
    Jess 🙂

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 6:35 pm

      Definitely keep me updated Jess. I am really eager to hear how things go.

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