So, you cheated on your boyfriend and now you want him back. As you can imagine, cheating is a very popular topic when it comes to this site so I am going to handle things a little differently since there is a lot to talk about here. But before I get into the nitty gritty I am going to make you a promise. I promise that this is going to be the most in-depth page on the internet for women who want to know how they can get their boyfriends back if they cheated on him. Most likely, if you have a question it is going to be answered here and if you are confused about something please comment in the comments section below (I respond to every single one.) With that in mind, lets begin!
Lets Talk About Cheating
Before I give you any actions I think it is important to understand what the average persons reason for cheating is. Obviously, you know why you cheated on your now ex boyfriend (or maybe you don’t.) However, I think it is really important to learn from others. One of the most interesting things to look at when it comes to cheating is the difference between men and women.
Men- Most men will cheat because all they think about is sex (the horny factor.) It’s as simple as that. I have actually had a few male friends that have cheated on their girlfriends for this reason. Interestingly, they didn’t want to break up with their girlfriends because they “loved” them. It’s a simple case of a man’s eyes wandering and wanting something he knows he shouldn’t have.
Women- Most women will cheat because their emotional needs aren’t met. For example, if a woman feels under appreciated or is not getting what she feels she needs she will look elsewhere for it. Usually you will hear a woman say “I was ignored,” “I was lonely,” or “I had no one to talk to” when asked about her reason for cheating.
Here comes the controversial part, I don’t want you to beat yourself up for cheating on your ex boyfriend. I know you are probably thinking “Wait… WHAT?” Allow me to explain in the section below.
You can’t beat yourself up for cheating on your ex. No doubt you hurt him…. probably really badly but feeling bad about the situation is not going to be very productive in winning back his trust. Here comes the controversial part, where I am sure I am going to be fried alive, monogamy is completely unnatural. If you strip a human being down to his/her core you are going to be left with two qualities.
- The Ability To Survive
- The Ability To Replicate
Obviously, we are going to be focusing on the second quality on this page. As I said, monogamy is completely unnatural. Down to our core we are just not monogamous creatures. In fact, it is not easy to find an animal that is. Now, I AM NOT CONDONING CHEATING at all. I am just using this fact as a reason on why you shouldn’t beat yourself up. Instead, focus your energy elsewhere like how you can get your ex back.
Do Some Soul Searching
In this section I am going to give you your first action! YAY! You obviously cheated on your boyfriend for a reason. What I want you to do is to take out a piece of paper and list that reason down. Maybe you just didn’t like the way he was treating you, maybe it was one of the reasons I mentioned in the sections above. Whatever the case you need to be completely honest with yourself.
After you have your reason written down I want you to make a list of all the qualities that you DIDN’T like about your ex boyfriend. Why am I making you do this? Because sometimes people have a tendency to forget the bad times of the relationship and only remember the very best times. Besides, if you cheated on this person because he wasn’t giving you what you needed emotionally or physically and you might be better off trying to move on. Of course, if you make your list and still want him back then I can help you with that too.
Time To Calm Down
I am not going to lie to you, if you cheated on your ex and he broke up with you then getting him back is not going to be easy. In fact, you may have to turn to my PRO System for help.
Expect to meet some resistance in your quest to regain his trust. I am only telling you this because I want you to be prepared and I want to make sure you are up for it.
First things first, if you want any chance of getting him back you are going to have to step away for a while. What do I mean by this? Simple, don’t call, text, email, Facebook or see him in person for at least 30 days. I know that seems a bit harsh but to be honest most experts recommend 90 day no contact periods. Your first reaction, especially after knowing you did your ex wrong, is to call constantly to try and patch things up as soon as possible. That is the last thing you want to do because most likely your boyfriend is going to be extremely angry at you, in turn, making you angry as well and when emotions run high logic runs low.
Throughout this site I have recommended the 30 day no contact rule but since you are in an interesting situation I am recommending it to you for a different reason than everyone else. Usually, I am telling women to “freeze out” their ex for thirty days for their own personal healing (and to make their ex a little antsy about why you won’t call them.) However, in this case I am recommending it for an additional reason, your exes healing.
Have you ever been cheated on? If not then trust me when it say that it really hurts. You feel betrayed, not good enough and insignificant all at once. If you are thinking “but guys are tough they heal faster” that kind of logic isn’t always true. If a girl cheats on her boyfriend it is going to hurt him as much as it would hurt a girl if she found out she had been cheated on. So, by implementing a 30 day no contact rule you are going to accomplish three things.
- You are going to give your ex some time to heal.
- You are going to give yourself some time to think about if you really want him back (and time to heal.)
- You are going to make your ex feel a little antsy about why you aren’t calling.
What Do You Say To Someone You Cheated On?
When the time finally comes to reach out to your ex significant other what exactly are you supposed to say? How do you contact them? With a call, facebook message, text message? In this section we are going to discuss all of these issues and I tell you exactly what you need to do to put yourself on the path of redemption!
First things first, DO NOT APOLOGIZE. Not only is this a horrible way to start off but apologies don’t mean anything anymore. If you really, in your heart, want to get your ex back you are going to have to show them why you are sorry with actions. It really is, actions speak louder than words in this case. Of course, you are going to have to use words when you reach out to them and I highly recommend you do so through the power of a text message.
Texting is the preferred method of communication in this case for a number of reasons.
- For one, it is impossible to get angry and raise your voice through a text message.
- Secondly, texting is a very private thing for people. It is the best way to get someone one on one in a conversation.
- Thirdly, and most importantly, it gives you time to think before you send each and every text message.
I don’t recommend calling your ex because I feel it is too much too soon. You have to earn the right to call your ex boyfriend and you can do that by slowly using text messages to build up to a point where he would feel comfortable accepting your call. Think of how you would feel after someone you loved cheated on you, called you out of the blue and blitzed you with a “hey do you want to go out?” I know, it would freak me out. I recommend checking out the page on what to say during texting for more information.
Ways You Can Earn Back His Trust
You have an advantage, since I am a guy I can tell you exactly what I would like to see from a girl for me to even consider taking her back if she cheated on me. Now, I will admit that this is based on personal preference so what I would like to see from a girl who wronged me might be different from what your guy would like to see but I like to think I have a pretty good grasp on the “average” guy out there.
I have to say WOW!
Whichever way you face it, men are very visual creatures. As good of a guy as I am I still appreciate the looks of a beautiful woman. (Now, her personality could be horrible and completely turn me off but that is another story.) If I were to run into an ex and she looks horrible (gained weight, dressing horribly, etc) I would think “thank goodness I am not with her anymore.” However, if I run into an ex and she looks better than she ever looked before I am going to begin thinking “my god, she looks amazing.” As much as she may have wronged me, that will always be in the back of my mind. It is completely shallow, I know, but I promise most guys are going to have those thoughts.
A Sense That I Am Most Important (Even If I’m Not.)
Expect there to be a lot of trust issues with someone who has previously been cheated on. You are going to have to go out of your way to reassure them that you are trustworthy and the best way to do that is with your actions. This is going to be a little controversial but whoever you cheated on them with you are going to have to probably cut out of your life, that is the level of commitment you are going to have to show to your ex. Expect there to be friction any time you go out with other guys (even if you are in groups.) COMMUNICATE that every time you go out for fun with another guy that it is strictly as friends. DO NOT catch your ex (or soon to be new boyfriend 😉 ) off guard. Make sure you warn him ahead of time before you go out with another guy. I know this is a major pain, but you are going to have to do these things if you really want him back.
Slower Is Always Better Than Faster
This section is more about advice for you, take things slow. Usually, people who go too fast tend to make major mistakes that they can’t recover from. As you have probably realized, it is a slow climb up the mountain to getting your boyfriend back. Each step needs to be carefully thought out and there are no guarantees. However, the slower more tactical women usually are the ones who make it to the top.
One More Thing
I put together probably the best resource on the internet detailing every step someone should take when getting their exes back. The guide took me two months to complete and is 20,000 words long but I highly recommend that you check it out if you are interested. Find out how to get your ex back for more information.