By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 27th, 2021

So, you cheated on your boyfriend and now you want him back. As you can imagine, cheating is a very popular topic when it comes to this site so I am going to handle things a little differently since there is a lot to talk about here. But before I get into the nitty gritty I am going to make you a promise. I promise that this is going to be the most in-depth page on the internet for women who want to know how they can get their boyfriends back if they cheated on him. Most likely, if you have a question it is going to be answered here and if you are confused about something please comment in the comments section below (I respond to every single one.) With that in mind, lets begin!

Lets Talk About Cheating

cheating cheetah

Before I give you any actions I think it is important to understand what the average persons reason for cheating is. Obviously, you know why you cheated on your now ex boyfriend (or maybe you don’t.) However, I think it is really important to learn from others. One of the most interesting things to look at when it comes to cheating is the difference between men and women.

Men- Most men will cheat because all they think about is sex (the horny factor.) It’s as simple as that. I have actually had a few male friends that have cheated on their girlfriends for this reason. Interestingly, they didn’t want to break up with their girlfriends because they “loved” them. It’s a simple case of a man’s eyes wandering and wanting something he knows he shouldn’t have.

Women- Most women will cheat because their emotional needs aren’t met. For example, if a woman feels under appreciated or is not getting what she feels she needs she will look elsewhere for it. Usually you will hear a woman say “I was ignored,” “I was lonely,” or “I had no one to talk to” when asked about her reason for cheating.

Here comes the controversial part, I don’t want you to beat yourself up for cheating on your ex boyfriend. I know you are probably thinking “Wait… WHAT?” Allow me to explain in the section below.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Monogamy

monogamy

You can’t beat yourself up for cheating on your ex. No doubt you hurt him…. probably really badly but feeling bad about the situation is not going to be very productive in winning back his trust. Here comes the controversial part, where I am sure I am going to be fried alive, monogamy is completely unnatural. If you strip a human being down to his/her core you are going to be left with two qualities.

  1. The Ability To Survive
  2. The Ability To Replicate

Obviously, we are going to be focusing on the second quality on this page. As I said, monogamy is completely unnatural. Down to our core we are just not monogamous creatures. In fact, it is not easy to find an animal that is. Now, I AM NOT CONDONING CHEATING at all. I am just using this fact as a reason on why you shouldn’t beat yourself up. Instead, focus your energy elsewhere like how you can get your ex back.

Do Some Soul Searching

soul searching

In this section I am going to give you your first action! YAY! You obviously cheated on your boyfriend for a reason. What I want you to do is to take out a piece of paper and list that reason down. Maybe you just didn’t like the way he was treating you, maybe it was one of the reasons I mentioned in the sections above. Whatever the case you need to be completely honest with yourself.

After you have your reason written down I want you to make a list of all the qualities that you DIDN’T like about your ex boyfriend. Why am I making you do this? Because sometimes people have a tendency to forget the bad times of the relationship and only remember the very best times. Besides, if you cheated on this person because he wasn’t giving you what you needed emotionally or physically and you might be better off trying to move on. Of course, if you make your list and still want him back then I can help you with that too.

Time To Calm Down

calm down

I am not going to lie to you, if you cheated on your ex and he broke up with you then getting him back is not going to be easy. In fact, you may have to turn to my PRO System for help.

Expect to meet some resistance in your quest to regain his trust. I am only telling you this because I want you to be prepared and I want to make sure you are up for it.

First things first, if you want any chance of getting him back you are going to have to step away for a while. What do I mean by this? Simple, don’t call, text, email, Facebook or see him in person for at least 30 days. I know that seems a bit harsh but to be honest most experts recommend 90 day no contact periods. Your first reaction, especially after knowing you did your ex wrong, is to call constantly to try and patch things up as soon as possible. That is the last thing you want to do because most likely your boyfriend is going to be extremely angry at you, in turn, making you angry as well and when emotions run high logic runs low.

Throughout this site I have recommended the 30 day no contact rule but since you are in an interesting situation I am recommending it to you for a different reason than everyone else. Usually, I am telling women to “freeze out” their ex for thirty days for their own personal healing (and to make their ex a little antsy about why you won’t call them.) However, in this case I am recommending it for an additional reason, your exes healing.

Have you ever been cheated on? If not then trust me when it say that it really hurts. You feel betrayed, not good enough and insignificant all at once. If you are thinking “but guys are tough they heal faster” that kind of logic isn’t always true. If a girl cheats on her boyfriend it is going to hurt him as much as it would hurt a girl if she found out she had been cheated on. So, by implementing a 30 day no contact rule you are going to accomplish three things.

  1. You are going to give your ex some time to heal.
  2. You are going to give yourself some time to think about if you really want him back (and time to heal.)
  3. You are going to make your ex feel a little antsy about why you aren’t calling.

What Do You Say To Someone You Cheated On?

cheating

When the time finally comes to reach out to your ex significant other what exactly are you supposed to say? How do you contact them? With a call, facebook message, text message? In this section we are going to discuss all of these issues and I tell you exactly what you need to do to put yourself on the path of redemption!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

First things first, DO NOT APOLOGIZE. Not only is this a horrible way to start off but apologies don’t mean anything anymore. If you really, in your heart, want to get your ex back you are going to have to show them why you are sorry with actions. It really is, actions speak louder than words in this case. Of course, you are going to have to use words when you reach out to them and I highly recommend you do so through the power of a text message.

Texting is the preferred method of communication in this case for a number of reasons.

  1. For one, it is impossible to get angry and raise your voice through a text message.
  2. Secondly, texting is a very private thing for people. It is the best way to get someone one on one in a conversation.
  3. Thirdly, and most importantly, it gives you time to think before you send each and every text message.

I don’t recommend calling your ex because I feel it is too much too soon. You have to earn the right to call your ex boyfriend and you can do that by slowly using text messages to build up to a point where he would feel comfortable accepting your call. Think of how you would feel after someone you loved cheated on you, called you out of the blue and blitzed you with a “hey do you want to go out?” I know, it would freak me out. I recommend checking out the page on what to say during texting for more information.

Ways You Can Earn Back His Trust

trust

You have an advantage, since I am a guy I can tell you exactly what I would like to see from a girl for me to even consider taking her back if she cheated on me. Now, I will admit that this is based on personal preference so what I would like to see from a girl who wronged me might be different from what your guy would like to see but I like to think I have a pretty good grasp on the “average” guy out there.

I have to say WOW!

Whichever way you face it, men are very visual creatures. As good of a guy as I am I still appreciate the looks of a beautiful woman. (Now, her personality could be horrible and completely turn me off but that is another story.) If I were to run into an ex and she looks horrible (gained weight, dressing horribly, etc) I would think “thank goodness I am not with her anymore.” However, if I run into an ex and she looks better than she ever looked before I am going to begin thinking “my god, she looks amazing.” As much as she may have wronged me, that will always be in the back of my mind. It is completely shallow, I know, but I promise most guys are going to have those thoughts.

A Sense That I Am Most Important (Even If I’m Not.)

Expect there to be a lot of trust issues with someone who has previously been cheated on. You are going to have to go out of your way to reassure them that you are trustworthy and the best way to do that is with your actions. This is going to be a little controversial but whoever you cheated on them with you are going to have to probably cut out of your life, that is the level of commitment you are going to have to show to your ex. Expect there to be friction any time you go out with other guys (even if you are in groups.) COMMUNICATE that every time you go out for fun with another guy that it is strictly as friends. DO NOT catch your ex (or soon to be new boyfriend 😉 ) off guard. Make sure you warn him ahead of time before you go out with another guy. I know this is a major pain, but you are going to have to do these things if you really want him back.

Slower Is Always Better Than Faster

This section is more about advice for you, take things slow. Usually, people who go too fast tend to make major mistakes that they can’t recover from. As you have probably realized, it is a slow climb up the mountain to getting your boyfriend back. Each step needs to be carefully thought out and there are no guarantees. However, the slower more tactical women usually are the ones who make it to the top.

One More Thing

I put together probably the best resource on the internet detailing every step someone should take when getting their exes back. The guide took me two months to complete and is 20,000 words long but I highly recommend that you check it out if you are interested. Find out how to get your ex back for more information.

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1,985 thoughts on “You Want Your Ex Back After Cheating On Him…. Here’s What To Do”

  1. Anon

    August 17, 2022 at 2:07 am

    I cheated on my boyfriend of almost 3 years, after drinking the night away. Prior to my relationship I had troubling times with alcohol, blacking out, driving under the influence, and having sex just because I was “lit”. I never thought I would EVER cheat because I am so in love with him.. but i do think when I drink I am not in the best mental state like most people, but somehow I went too far. I wasn’t thinking. Have no reason to cheat, he’s lately we have a lot going on because of family situations, but no reason why I would ever cheat. Then this night comes around and I drink till I lost control… I had it all. Career, family, my love & everything was lost on a drunk night. Recently we had a family situation, that I had to be there for and we were sexually involved, hugged, kissed etc. Still with knowing what happened he’s angry but at the same time needed me there because it’s one of the toughest things he’s had to go through in life. We agreed to put our issues on hold and be there for each other through difficult time and now i give him space and time. I blocked and have no contact with this person I cheated on him with, to clarify it wasn’t any emotional or on going fling. I was on a trip got drunk and it happened. I told my significant other everything. We are now cordial because our lives are so intertwined and I took out most of my things out of the apartment because he said if we’re gonna restart he needs to not see my stuff everywhere. He’s currently grieving with a loss and has no emotional capacity for our situation. We talk but very cordially – nothing like our relationship was. I don’t know what’s the best way to go about this. I’ve seeked therapy for myself to be a better me, as well as living my life in sobriety. Choosing sobriety because before my relationship I had so many “close calls” & this mistake is the only regret I have in life at 30 years old. This is the man I want to marry and have kids with. And I want him back and will to make radical changes and do whatever to be able to earn another chance with him. Any thoughts or advice? Thank you.

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      September 5, 2022 at 7:01 pm

      Hey there so it sounds as if you are doing the right things at the moment, you need to be sure that you are able to stay focused on your sobriety and working on the positives in your life. Your ex is going to struggle with his grief but also know when this does ease that the cracks in your relationship will come to light where he will struggle to trust you and what you tell him. Struggle to trust you if you do go on future trips. Trust in a relationship takes a long time to fix, so you need to be sure that you are open and honest while you are still with your partner, I would say that if you want this to work then you are going to have to be patient and honest with your guy until he feels more secure with the relationship.

  2. Jasmin Bedi

    August 13, 2022 at 7:00 pm

    My ex and I was together for 6 months. I met my previous ex on a civil basis to end things (hid it from him)
    Then I caught him with his ex once, I still stayed with him.
    Then my previous ex was threatening me regarding some images I had to meet him, I met him couple times and my previous ex went and told my ex that I was with him and then everything blew up from that.

    My ex said he’s over it and wants nothing to do with me
    I begged for forgiveness and he still wasn’t willing

    I don’t know what to do

  3. Candee

    March 27, 2022 at 9:27 pm

    my ex didn’t leave me. He just hasn’t touched me in a year in four months says he loves me that’s why I steak but he throws it in my face every chance he gets he doesn’t kiss me anymore he doesn’t touch me anymore and when I ask him he gets upset with me and tells me he’s not ready it’s almost been a year and a half I try to tell how I feel I feel inadequate as a woman and I try to show him how much I love him how much she means to me and how much I would never do it again. He was always on the phone with his ex constantly on the phone with his exes they have kids but I mean it was constant we were at the beach there six hours five hours of it he was on the phone with her while I laid there and I stopped in the middle of the day everybody watching me and he didn’t even care excuse thats not a good enough excuse it should’ve never happened. The person I was talking to made me feel good about myself maybe feel like he was interested in talking to me made me feel like a person I know I live with this man I love him to death and I do everything i can to do him he can trust me and he still doesn’t trust me he still won’t talk to me with a councilor.

  4. Opeyemi

    September 10, 2021 at 7:49 am

    My boyfriend and I dated for one year and eight months, have caught him cheating once then maybe seeing some intimate messages on his WhatsApp but anytime I confront him he takes like a joke and pet me and then we forget about it happens many times now he see some messages on my phone and thinks I’m cheating then he said he want to brake up,am so confuse now cus I still love him and I want him back even tho when he sees this he didn’t take it lightly with me he even hit me. But why is it that his free to cheat and everything is okay even when I find out but when he find out about me he want to break up

  5. Anon

    August 24, 2021 at 5:52 am

    i had been dating my ex for 4 years and we broke up because i cheated 4x, basically an affair because i felt that recently he didnt put much effort into our relationship or maybe we both didnt. he found out and broke up with me and i regret it so much. i realized nothing was worth losing him and i want to fix everything. it has been a month since we broke up and we still talked during this time, the longest time we havent spoke during this period was for 4 days which was today. he ended up calling me because he missed me, things were going well but he eventually asked explicit questions about the affair which upset him. he has been hot and cold with me all while saying he cant forgive me, but he has contacted me still because he misses me. i did try to respect his decision of not wanting to speak which ended up contacting me first. did i make things worse by answering his questions and is there still a chance he will forgive me? should i give up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 27, 2021 at 8:30 pm

      Hey there, so there is a chance that your ex may forgive you but I cannot tell you for sure, the only thing that you can do is start working on yourself and the program to show your ex positive changes. I would suggest that you focus on yourself for at least 30 days maybe 45 if you feel that they will still be upset by the end of 30 days.

  6. Anon

    August 24, 2021 at 5:45 am

    i was dating my ex for 4 years and recently had started to feel like he didnt care about me as much and it led me to cheat on him/have a 1 month affair, i did it 4x with the other guy. he found out and broke up with me, i feel so remorseful and hate myself for what i did because i shouldve done better and i still love him so much. he has been hot and cold with me, i try to respect his decision of not wanting to speak and then he ends up contacting me, and everything is well until he asks details about the affair and he gets upset again. i dont know if i made things worse by answering the explicit questions or not. he has said multiple times he cant forgive me but he still ends up calling me because he misses me (i miss him so much too). should i be hopeful and does he need more time away from me or is there no chance of fixing things? in the beginning of our breakup which was about a month ago we still talked frequently and as of recent, the longest time we havent spoke was 4 days. he called me today and tonight but got upset as i mentioned prior. what should i do? i feel awful and i just want him back.

  7. Asha

    August 3, 2021 at 7:31 am

    This was helpful thank you for this.

  8. Jesukorede Esther

    July 13, 2021 at 9:27 pm

    Oh wow! Thank you very much for this post.
    I have a question tho.
    I recently just broke up with my ex boyfriend few days ago.
    We’ve been very close friends for 4 years and only started dating two months ago.
    We decided to stay celibate but we’ve hard issues keeping up with that promise because, although we’ve not had sex, we’ve made out a couple of times.
    Unfortunately, I had an affair with another friend of mine the night our relationship clocked two months. I didn’t intend to, I was caught up in the moment. Although it ended as soon as it started, my guilty conscience wouldn’t let me rest until I had confessed my actions to my boyfriend via WhatsApp. I asked for his forgiveness and also told him that I was willing to go along with whatever decision he makes.

    The following night, he sent me a very soothing message telling me that he has forgiven me and that I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. He however decided to end the relationship but he still wants us to remain friends.
    He doesn’t want the breakup to hurt our friendship.

    I don’t think I can handle it.
    Although I accepted the breakup, it’s not been easy.
    I couldn’t maintain the No Contact rule because we’re both working on a project together, but the conversation is just so uncomfortable for me.
    Though he’s trying his best to sound like all is well, I know it isn’t.
    I miss him and I want him back.
    How can I make things better?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 20, 2021 at 10:01 pm

      Hey there, so while you are working on a project together, you are going to have to follow what we call limited no contact. In that time you need to read articles so that you can work on being Ungettable and understanding the ERP program.

  9. layel

    June 9, 2021 at 9:52 pm

    I really like the advice

  10. AnnaLisa

    May 20, 2021 at 4:38 pm

    Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year. We love each other very much and he treats my son from my previous marriage like his own. We have our own set of issues, manly his drinking and then saying or doing fairly mean stuff to me when he’s blacked out and not remembering it the next day. I have always forgiven him for what he’s done and we have always moved on because I truly feel like he’s my person. But those actions did weigh on me and over the weekend I went on a trip with some friends without him and I myself got way too drunk and cheated on him. We had a huge fight when we both got home and I confessed to my cheating and then I moved out to stay with a friend. Upon moving out I realized that he truly is the person that I want a life with and I feel sick over what I have done. I am in constant contact with him and he has yet to delete me off of anything or even change his Facebook status, but he also does not want to see me in person until atleast next week and keeps saying that he can’t believe I would fuck someone else and that he thinks he’s grossed out by the fact that someone else was “inside me”. I want nothing more than to try to get back together and be a family again. What can I do to try and convince him to give us another shot, or is he truly done with me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 23, 2021 at 10:40 pm

      Hi AnnaLisa, so you cannot convince him to change his mind. However, you can work on yourself, (read the ungettable girl articles) and start following the information to show how great you are and let him miss you. This is going to be your best chance at making him question his own decision to walk away.

  11. Chidera

    April 18, 2021 at 3:36 pm

    Thank you so much, I’m sure with these talks and words I can get back to my boyfriend
    The problem now is that we still see, because I fell sick and he’s the only one nearby to take to the hospital and get foods and drugs for me
    But once I’m done with the medication I will give him space

  12. Zawadi praise

    February 28, 2021 at 9:39 pm

    Thanks this has given me a hope coz I love him so much

  13. Tinashe

    February 24, 2021 at 6:44 pm

    I cheated on my boyfriend and we tried to get back together by forcing things he wasn’t ready to get back with me ….he still hurt and he didn’t even forgave me …the time we were broken up we were seeing each other every day acting like we are still dating but now we are separated again because he didn’t forgave me , he doesn’t trust me and hes afraid of being happy with me because he thinks am gonna cheat on him again

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 3, 2021 at 10:24 am

      HiTinashe, so what you need to understand is that he is still hurting from your actions and may well need some time away from you to decide if 1 – he can forget what you did 2 – trust you again. It is a difficult situation when you want to be with someone but you don’t trust them. there is really no way you can have a healthy relationship without trust.

  14. Mongiwa Khumalo

    February 16, 2021 at 8:56 am

    This is very understandable, and I am sure I will get my man back if I go slow on him , thanks so much.

  15. Harriet Assifuah

    December 27, 2020 at 8:49 am

    I wish I can win my ex’s heart again

  16. Kelcie Hardesty

    December 26, 2020 at 9:31 am

    This guy & I have been together for almost 10 years. We have 2 beautiful kids together. Before he proposed to me bout 2 years ago, I had cheated on him. Cried afterwards feeling miserable and still do. I felt like he did not love me at the time. I felt unappreciated, alone etc. We barely made time for one another. So, when he proposed, I was shocked. Couple months after saying yes to the love of my life, I came clean to him because that is just not me. We worked through it & moved on. Well, bout 3 weeks ago the past was brought back up. Supposedly the guy lied to me about his whole life & his babymomma called me blowing my phone up. She later apologized to me bout lashing out at me after I told her everything. I ended up just changing my number to keep this in the past & so they have no way of contacting me again. Well, my fiance asked who I was on the phone with & I told him. He then asked me who the guy was at the time I had cheated. Since, I have told him who the guy was, he has been distant. Well, a couple months ago I had ran into that guy & met his newborn son at the gym. Mind you, that is where I had met the guy in the first place. Well, I told my fiancé about meeting his son. That is when everything blew up. Now, he is saying it is too late & that things can not be fixed & says that we are done. He told him mom that he just can not trust me right now. I feel miserable right now & I know he is must be feeling. I am depressed. I can’t really eat. No appetite. Sick to my stomach. I want to be able to fix things & prove to him that he can trust me again. I even switched gyms, changed my number, the guy is blocked on everything esp his babymomma etc. I do not know what to do at this point. I know I messed up, but I just want to make things right again. We still live together and everything. We even sleep in the same bed still, but last night he slept on the couch. I am a stay at home mom right now because the job I had was not stable. Been trying to look for a new job & have had no luck. I talked to his mom & she said that we need to look into couples counseling. All he said was okay. But, he has not given me an answer or anything. He has been distant now for 3 weeks. Barely talks to me unless it is about bills or where he is going for the day, etc. What should I do? I just want to be able to win him back & make things right. I have been giving him his time & space. It can be hard since we live together. I barely have anyone to talk to, so I am going crazy.

  17. Bei

    November 20, 2020 at 3:26 pm

    My boyfriend and I got together shortly after separating from long term marriages. We’ve always had ups and downs, breaks and even broke up a couple of times to always go back to each other because we loved our time together so much and connected so great. It took me a couple of years to tell him I love him and at that time he could not. I felt rejected and I know I was wrong, but I cheated a couple of times. I did realize shortly that if I truly was going to be invested, I had to stop and I did. I never told him I cheated. As for him, It took him even longer to tell me I love you. Three years in. Now forward to almost 4 years, Recently, before the summer, I found he confessed that he cheated on me a few times and so I confessed to only one indiscretion which he had doubts about. I forgave him and so did he. We decided to make our relationship work and truly invest. He said he wanted us to make this work and not lose me. That he was in love with me. These past few months have been great. He was always expressing it to me, but a few nights ago, we came to talking again and he said he wanted us to continue, but that we needed to completely be honest with each other. He confessed to a health issue and of spite I told him I had a couple more indiscretions prior to him telling me he loved me. I was scared to tell him before but that he was right and we had to be true to each other. He said he’d understand. He wanted to move on. But when I told him this. He said he needed time to think and we’d talk the next day. The next day, He broke up with me. Said something was missing and he had to be selfish and let this relationship go. That we shouldn’t have done this to each other and things should’ve always been easier and that we can do better. He said he never trusted me and that all the great moments weren’t enough anymore. Me keeping us together wasn’t enough anymore. He wants no communication but said I’m not deleting your number before he left. I haven’t reached out to give him space. It’s been 3 days. What I don’t understand is, I forgave him. Why couldn’t he? Do you think he just needs time? No contact and maybe someday get back together. I learned a long time ago I did wrong. He said he did too. This was in the past. We were so good lately. Why did he act like it was done yesterday to him and couldn’t move on. He had lied to me just like I did. But we hadn’t lately. Please help. Can we get back together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 9, 2020 at 6:07 pm

      Hi Bei, I think the first thing you need to realise is that when he confessed to a health issue, he was not expecting you to tell him that you had cheated again (to him this is the second time) and it has hurt him. Likely because he was being venerable with you when he expressed he had a health problem. I would accept that right now he needs space from you and is likely going over what you have recently told him in his head. I would start by following the programs no contact rule for 30 days and then start reaching out from there once you have read more articles about texting. Chris has many examples on how to reach out to an ex after NC so be sure to spend some time working out which you think is going to be best for your ex.

  18. Katie

    November 20, 2020 at 12:06 pm

    Hi!

    Me and my ex were together for just over a year. Before we had the “official” chat, I did ‘cheat’. Although we weren’t technically together, it betrayed his trust. He didn’t find out until almost a year later so the break up was hard.

    We have been broke up now since March, so for 9 months. It started him being angry, then we said we’d try and see if we could fix things but it was during lockdown so we couldn’t see each other. He said he couldn’t do it anymore and since then we’ve carried on speaking most days, sleeping together, spending time together occasionally, but he has now said he just wants to be friends.

    Is there anything I can do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2020 at 9:18 pm

      Hi Kaite, yes there is but it means that you need to start following the program – this means following a no contact period for one. Read about the friends with benefits articles and how to get your ex back when you’ve slept with them. Also the texting articles ready for when you have completed your No Contact

  19. Sarah Joe

    November 1, 2020 at 12:58 am

    My now ex & myself have been in a relationship for 2 years but friends for 10 years now, we have been through a lot of ups & downs and I am the only person he has ever opened up to a 100%, he knows me a 100% as well and we always supported each other in everything. Emotionally I am in a very low place because we had to abort our child because we were not ready to have a baby financially as he was still doing his degree and mine was a contract job, we did not have a house yet as well.

    Then one day he just came and lost feelings for me, I cried and begged him and told him I can’t be with anyone else except him that I will always love him only. He said he is emotionally numb as he has too many things on his plate and the “fire” has died down. He was unsure if he could love me again or if he would find someone else. I was very broke for a month but we remained in touch as friends. I was hurt & angry, was not thinking so when a guy friend of mine was flirting with me over text I reciprocate but I had no intentions to take it further or even meet in person, I just like that attention for those 3 days then I stopped texting.

    My ex boyfriend saw the texts and became very upset & angry that I did this to him. He wanted to do some soul searching, complete his degree and find a job so that we can be happy, saying he knew he could never find anyone who loved him as much as I did and kept me very high up on a pedestal saying I would never ever hurt him like the others. His previous ex girlfriend cheated on him so this flirting via text by me broke his trust & he views it as betrayal, that I cheated his feelings or the image he had of me.

    Now he feels that the 2 years he spent with me is all a waste, doesn’t think he can ever trust me again & feels that it is a gamble for him if he wants to let me in and be his girlfriend because how sure can he be that I would not do this. But during our relationship we never had such issues, always trusted each other 100% but because our breakup did not have solid reason except for him losing feelings, he felt that what I did is still betrayal.

    Now I don’t know what to do, I love him & only him and I feel very dumb for throwing away my chances with him like this for some cheap attention. Will I be able to gain back his trust & make him love me again? Do we have any chances of getting back together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 1, 2020 at 10:53 am

      Hi Sarah… so first things first, you were broken up when the guy friend was texting you so your ex has NO right to be angry with you for that!! It may have been soon, but you were not in a relationship.

      As for getting him back, yes there is a chance from what you have said, but it is going to take time and patience. Plenty of emotional control and understanding the program. You start with a no contact and work on yourself in that time, allowing him to work on himself and have some space to think, miss you and let him realise he is going to lose you. Then after your 30 days no contact, you can start reaching out with the texts that Chris suggests in his articles.

  20. Theresa

    October 19, 2020 at 12:40 am

    Cheated on my sons dad while he was away in jail for 2 years . When he found out he left me and went to my childhood friend for comfort and ended up sleeping with him thinking it would make my depression go away. I thought it did for a while, I started treating my sons dad like I didn’t care about him and he came back but I continued to see my friend as he was physically there we spent most of our time out rather then sex for 3 months. Then it stopped. My sons dad got out and asked have I been with someone else. I was honest . Since then he stayed around to be a family but he told me he did not want a relationship. He became cold and distant . Now we are off and on good and bad terms, The longest we have been away from each other is 2-3 weeks and this has been going on for 3 months now. I haven’t successfully tired the 30 day no contact . The longest I did was 4 days only about the kid and he would continue to call and tell me sweet things until I gave in. Now he is back living at my place , I cook every night , stay home with the baby. I do everything right to prove my love. Sometimes he’s sweet then sometimes I feel things trigger him to what I have done. Why does he continue to be around me and live with me if he does not want a relationship? I regret everything so much . We planned to get married Before he went to jail , but now that hasn’t been on his mind. He gave promises of giving me one so I can stay with him and now he denies that he has ever said it and does not want to ever get married. he would come home with flowers for me and help around the house. Just do a lot of things to show his love and appreciation. I know he has been with different girls i don’t know how many and it hurts to know that when he goes out that’s what he may be doing. Although, we are no together. He still sleeps in my bed every night. I just wish he could see the good all I have provided and done for him up until now I was there. It’s like he doesn’t see that . He says he still loves me but that is not enough. I’m afraid my chances back with him may be low. I may be viewed as his sons mother forever.

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