Here’s an interesting situation.
Lets say that you and your boyfriend go through a breakup (arguably one of the most emotional experiences a human being can go through.) During the breakup talk your (now) ex boyfriend mentions that he believes you cheated on him.
Now, you being very proud of how faithful you are in relationships immediately deny this accusation from your ex but no matter how many times you insist that you are innocent in this your ex simply won’t believe you.
So, you decide to do a little detective work to find out why your ex believes that you were unfaithful.
You: Hey, why do you think I was unfaithful?
Your Ex: I saw your phone conversation with Derek.
(Side Note: Derek has been your good guy friend since childhood. The two of you have a certain amount of rapport with each other and sometimes this “rapport” can be viewed as flirting but the two of you are just friends and nothing else.)
You: What phone conversation?
Your Ex: You know, the one where you called him “hun.”
(Another Side Note: You pretty much call everyone “hun” who you interact with. Pet names are kind of your thing.)
So, now that you have more insight into why your ex boyfriend believes that you cheated on him (even though you didn’t) how can you,
A. Convince him that you didn’t cheat on him.
B. Get him back.
Well, that is what we are going to explore on this page.
Welcome to the ultimate guide to getting an ex boyfriend back if he thinks you cheated on him but you really didn’t.
The Outline Of This Guide
If you aren’t too familiar with Ex Boyfriend Recovery (this website) then I would like to inform you that usually at the beginning of every article or guide that I write I like to include a brief outline. I do this because I think it is helpful for people skimming to understand how my pages are going to flow.
Well, this page is no exception.
I am not going to do anything to re-invent the wheel here but I still feel its important to stay on top of things so we have a clear path to follow when we are talking about a complex situation like this.
Speaking of the cheating situation at hand lets talk a little bit about the sections I am going to be covering today.
After 4 days of planning this guide I have decided to divide this page up into three sections. Each of these sections is meant to really take an in-depth look at everything that is going through an exes mind (assuming he thinks you cheated on him when you really didn’t) and teach you the things you need to do to raise your chances of getting him back.
Lets take a look at the sections now,
- Understanding How Your Ex Defines Cheating
- Insight Into Him And His False Assumption
- Overcoming His False Assumption
Pretty cool, huh?
Well, lets not waste time here and lets get to our first section.
Section One: Understanding How Your Ex Defines Cheating
This guide revolves heavily around cheating.
Specifically a situation where your ex boyfriend believes that you cheated on him when you really didn’t.
So, before we can really take a look at his insecurities and feelings around his false assumption we must first understand what your ex boyfriend believes cheating to be.
Now, on the surface it seems like a pretty simple question.
“What is cheating defined as?”
The problem is that things get a lot more complex when you take into account that every single person walking this earth has their own unique definition for cheating.
For example, my personal definition of cheating may be different than yours.
Oh, and then you can add another layer of complexity into the equation when you take “emotional cheating” into account.
Do you see why a simple question like,
“What is cheating defined as?”
can be a little difficult to answer.
So, from your perspective the only thing that matters is how your ex boyfriend defines cheating.
Lets take a look at that now.
I Am The Benchmark For Your Ex Boyfriends Beliefs
Would you like to know the thing that separates Ex Boyfriend Recovery from all the other ex recovery websites out there?
Yup, I am the bridge between the mind of a woman into the mind of a man.
I am one of the foremost authorities on understand men.
Want to know why?
I AM ONE!
I think like they think…
I have the fears that they have…
Heck, I even have the same feelings that they have…
Basically what I am getting at here is that I think like your ex boyfriend so I am the ultimate benchmark for understanding his beliefs on cheating. So, what I would like to do now is share my own personal beliefs on cheating which I believe I have shared once before here but I am going to share them again below so you can gain insight into what your ex boyfriend will consider as “cheating.”
Oh, but before I get into that I do want to have a quick discussion on the levels of cheating.
Not All Cheating Is Created Equally
I guess the first thing that I would like to talk about is the fact that not all cheating is created equally.
What do I mean by this?
Simple, a woman who has an emotional affair with a man is going to be forgiven a lot easier than a woman who has a physical affair with one.
So, what we are going to do now is go down the list of what I (and by default, your ex) considers to be cheating and I will talk about how hard it will be for a man to forgive in each instance. Remember, we are operating under the assumption that your ex thinks you cheated on him so understanding his willingness to forgive will give you insight to how angry he is with you and how hard it will be to convince him that you didn’t actually cheat on him.
Cheating Factor #1- Sleeping With Someone Else
I started out with a bang… (pun intended.)
Look, having sex with someone else who isn’t your significant is the ultimate betrayal to your significant other.
I mean, there is a reason why women who sleep around on their boyfriend have the hardest time in getting him back.
Oh, and lets not forget that it’s also going to be the hardest thing for your ex to forgive. So, if your ex thinks that you cheated on him by sleeping with someone else you are going to have your work cut out for you in convincing him otherwise.
Cheating Factor #2- Kissing Someone Else
Ok, this is a step down from actually sleeping with someone else but not much farther down.
I would be absolutely livid if someone I was dating kissed someone else.
Oh, and just so I am crystal clear about this I am not talking about a kiss on the cheek. I am talking about a bonafide kiss on the lips,
Anyways, lets talk a little about the forgiveness factor with a kiss on the lips.
If you could chart a man’s anger in relation to how he was cheated on then his girlfriend sleeping with someone else would be a 10 out of 10.
A kiss would be an 8 out of 10.
What does this mean?
It means that forgiveness won’t be easy to achieve but much more possible than if he thinks you slept with someone else.
Cheating Factor #3- Hardcore Flirting (You’ll See What I Mean If You Read)
Imagine that the two of us are dating.
You enjoy your relationship with me and I enjoy my relationship with you.
Of course, lately you have been feeling a little lonely in the relationship so you decide to engage some light flirting with one of your guy friends. Eventually the flirting leads to heavier topics like sex, telling each other that you miss one another, sending naked pictures back and forth.
You know, typical stuff.
(I am rolling my eyes right now if you can’t tell.)
You haven’t done anything wrong, right?
I consider this to be cheating.
If you tell another man that is not me that you miss him, that you want to have sex with him or you send him naked pictures then I consider it to be cheating.
Because the intention is there.
Whose to say if I wasn’t around one day that you won’t invite him over and go to town (metaphorically speaking.)
Now, since there is no actual physical cheating going on the anger level isn’t going to be as high as if there was.
6-7 out of 10 depending on what is said during the hardcore flirting.
Cheating Factor #4- Couple Photos With Other Men
Take a look at the picture below,
Lets imagine that we are dating again.
And lets say that one day I log on to Facebook and I am greeted with this picture in my feed.
You posted the picture…
And that guy is not me…
Oh, in case you have a sudden onset of blindness this is a picture of you holding hands with another guy very romantically.
How bout this one?
What’s more if you look at the picture above it doesn’t look like the girl is hating the hug.
I find these couple like pictures disrespectful to the man in the relationship if the man is the one in them.
You know what I am saying?
Anyways, the anger level here is going to be a 5 or 6 out of a 10.
Definitely easier to recover from this accusation. I think a mans trust is hurt more than anything in this particular instance.
Section Two: Insight Into Him And His False Assumption
The first thing I would like to cover today has to do with insecurity.
I am about to deliver some earth shattering news to you…
Your ex boyfriend is insecure.
Heck, every man I know has some weird insecurity.
Take me for example.
After seeing women who actually did cheat on their boyfriends I am terrified of it.
This makes me a little insecure when my wife talks to other men outside of work. It’s not that I don’t trust her (she is very trustworthy) it’s just that I don’t want to ever experience the pain of being cheated on so it makes me a little more prone to jealousy than I need to be.
Here is the funny thing though.
For the longest time I used to think I was alone in this irrational fear of being cheated on until I mentioned it to a few friends of mine.
My one friend had a wife who cheated on him eight times understood my fear.
My other friend who had a girlfriend of six years (at the time) mentioned that he wouldn’t know what to do if he caught his girlfriend being unfaithful.
This got me thinking.
Do all men have this fear of being cheated on?
Do All Men Worry About Being Cheated On?
Do you want the short answer or the long answer?
How about both?
Short Answer = Yes
Long Answer = Gonna need some explaining
The question we are asking here is do all men worry about being cheated on by their significant others?
Lets just assume that all men do.
I mean, if you were to walk up to the average person on the street and ask him or her,
“Would you like it if your significant other cheated on you?”
Something tells me that the person you asked would say NO.
Well, when it comes to men you aren’t going to find one that isn’t at least a little afraid of it. However, there are certain factors that come into play that can make him more afraid of it.
Lets pretend that you are grading a mans fear of being cheated on, on a scale from a 1 to a 5.
With a 1 being that a man isn’t too scared of being cheated on and a 5 being that he is absolutely terrified of it to an unhealthy extent.
Each man is going to have his own specific subconscious number.
This number is going to be affected by other factors as well.
Take my friend who was cheated on by his wife (8 times.) Well, this ruined him for future relationships because he was always on Red Alert for cheating. In other words, his fear of being cheated on was at a 5 at all times.
I have a feeling that, that is what we are dealing with here if your ex boyfriend thinks you cheated on him when you really didn’t.
We are dealing with a man who is at a 4 or 5 on the suspicion scale and may have been actively looking for things that make you look like you are cheating on him. For example, maybe he cracks your Facebook password one day and decides to take a stroll through your Facebook messages and finds some flirty messages between you and a friend (a guy friend) and makes some very wrong assumptions about the two of you.
This brings me to my next point.
His false assumption.
His Fear Of Being Cheated On And His False Assumption
Lets say that your ex boyfriend has a bad fear of being cheated on.
In fact, this fear is so deeply ingrained in his mind that he feared it long before you came along. Now, lets back up to the courtship phase of your relationship where both of you were feeling each other out to see if you wanted to be in a relationship with one another.
Generally speaking during this feeling out process you kind of give cliff notes of your past relationships.
Nothing too in-depth (for fear of hurt feelings) but it’s natural to be curious about a persons past right.
Now, lets say that your ex boyfriend (during the courtship phase) asked you if you had ever cheated on a boyfriend before.
Now that’s an interesting question.
Anytime a man asks you that he is trying to determine if history is going to repeat itself again where you cheat on him.
Of course, since you don’t believe in lying during moments like this you decide to tell the truth.
“Yes, I did cheat one time on a boyfriend. It was just a kiss and nothing else.”
You then go on to describe the horrible boyfriend you had and how you just couldn’t figure out how to escape him so you cheated as a way of dealing with the pain.
Now, upon hearing this your ex boyfriend (that you haven’t dated yet) seems unfazed. However, the inside of his head tells a different story.
It starts off as a really light thought like,
“I wonder if she will do that to me if I date her?”
Again, its a really light thought that he doesn’t pay much attention to.
Lets fast forward a few months to when he actually does date you and his fears of being cheated on start to manifest.
Lets say that you have been dating him for around 6 months and in those 6 months the two of you have gotten extremely close to one another and with that closeness his fear of being cheated on has slowly started to manifest itself.
In case you didn’t know.
To a man being cheated on by a woman you don’t care about isn’t as hurtful as being cheated on by a woman you care about deeply.
It’s possible your ex could be having thoughts like,
“My god… If she ever cheated on me it would hurt 100 times more now.”
His fear of being cheated on can manifest itself in many ways.
How It Can Manifest Itself?
Again, usually this fear starts out very light and then as time moves on (and the two of you become closer) you start to see him do things that are out of character.
For example, he will ask more specific questions about your past cheating experience which eventually will lead him to spying on you through your phone or Facebook and ultimately end up with him doing some very questionable things like causing fights (over you cheating) or accusing you of cheating when you really haven’t.
Lets talk a little about that now.
His false assumption that you cheated on him.
What You Need To Know About His False Assumption
I guess the first thing that I want to tell you is that his false assumption about you cheating on him is partly his fault and partly your fault.
Now, I know what you are thinking.
“My fault? HOW THE HECK IS THIS MY FAULT?”
Well, it’s your fault because you did something to make him think you cheated on him.
Granted, it’s probably not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but to him in this moment it is.
Let me give you an example.
Lets say that the two of us are dating and I end up falsely accusing you of cheating on me because I picked up your phone one day and stumbled across a message like this between you and one of your guy friends,
Remember, this is a text message that is just between you and a guy friend.
The two of you haven’t kissed, hugged or even had any type of physical contact.
In other words, no cheating occurred at all.
Of course, when I read the text message I don’t look at it like an innocent encounter between two friends.
You see, in my mind I look at it like two people who have feelings for each other.
Because the only way I would tell a woman that I “missed her” would be if I had feelings for her. So, hearing a woman tell it to another man makes me go insane and raises a few red flags.
So, you can see that innocent little things like the text message above can be taken the wrong way by a boyfriend who is looking for evidence against you.
This leads me to my next point.
Why Your Ex May Be At Fault For Falsely Accusing You Of Cheating
Before I get into the meat of this small section I want you to take a moment and re-read the section before this one.
The one entitled:
His Fear Of Being Cheated On And His False Assumption
The whole point of that section is to explain to you how a mans fear of being cheated on can take control of his life in certain instances.
In fact, it can take so much control of him that he will actively start searching for evidence that proves you are cheating (even if you haven’t done anything to warrant such a search.)
This makes him finding something elementary like a text between two friends exchanging pleasantries much worse than it really is.
This is his fault.
In my experience this is how most false accusations come about.
It’s a combination of a man being controlled by his fear coupled with something that a woman did to light the fuse of the accusation.
In those cases where the accusation is false I am going to go out on a limb here and say that its more his fault than yours since the evidence he finds on you is kind of lame.
SECTION THREE: How To Overcome His False Accusation
Have you ever tried to reason with a mentally disturbed person?
If you have then you know that it is extremely difficult.
I am taken back to that movie “The Sixth Sense.”
Have you ever seen that movie?
If not, you should invest a few hours and watch it, it’s pretty good.
Anyways, at the beginning of the movie Bruce Willis and his wife are celebrating him getting an award (since he is a prominent child psychologist.)
Looks like everything is going pretty great for our main man Bruce!
He has a great career for which he just got honored for and it looks like his wife is incredibly turned on by it. She grabs him by the hand and takes him upstairs.
Looks like our man Bruce is about to get lucky!
However, just when he is about to strip his wife notices that their bedroom window is broken and in the connecting bathroom the camera pans over to a very disturbed grown man,
The man, pictured above, has stripped to his underwear and keeps yelling at Willis for letting him down.
Turns out the man above is a mentally disturbed former patient of our favorite child psychologist (Bruce Willis.)
So, Willis does what any self respecting psychologist does in that instance.
He tries to reason with him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t help you…”
“I can try to help you now…”
These are Willis’ last words just before he is shot and killed by the mentally disturbed man,
Now, I bet your are wondering how the heck this all ties in to overcoming a false accusation from an ex boyfriend.
Well, trying to reason with an ex boyfriend who has falsely accused you of cheating is a lot like trying to reason with a gun wielding mentally disturbed person.
One wrong step and you get shot.
Except instead of physically like in Bruce Willis’ case you are going to get shot emotionally.
That’s what this section is here for.
I am going to teach you how to properly overcome a situation where you have been falsely accused.
Point A = Anger, Point B = Forgiveness
We are going to start this section with a pretty big assumption.
Your ex boyfriend is angry at you.
The man thinks you cheated on him so of course he is angry about it.
What we are attempting to do is to take him from point A (where he is angry) to point B (where he is no longer angry and is willing to forgive you.)
I don’t think I am explaining this properly.
Ok, take a look at the graphic below,
As you can see point A of the line is where your ex boyfriend is at right now.
He believes you cheated on him and is extremely angry with you.
Basically he is the mentally disturbed guy with the gun in the example I gave above.
So, how can you move him from point A of the line to point B?
There are certain things you can do to lead him along the correct path.
Lets look a few of those now,
You will notice that in this graphic there are three new additions to the “A to B” line.
Those new additions are,
- Stopping Behavior
What do these additions mean and how can we employ them to help your ex boyfriend believe you when you say that you didn’t cheat on him?
Let’s find out!
Remember at the beginning of this section I mentioned that we are going to start operating under a certain assumption.
Do you remember what this assumption was?
The Assumption = Your ex boyfriend is super angry at you.
Now, I know what I am about to say isn’t exactly earth shattering advice and I have probably given it on other articles but anger isn’t a permanent emotion.
I know some people can hold grudges for a long time but no one can stay angry at the same level forever.
Let me give you an example.
I was furious when I found out that my ex girlfriend was flirting with another guy but the level of anger I had in the moment where I found out that she was flirting with another dude did not hold.
Around the same time the next week I was still upset about it but I was nowhere near the level I was at when I initially found out.
You can’t expect your ex boyfriend to be very receptive of anything you are saying initially after he finds out that you cheated (even though you really didn’t.)
The smarter play would be to let some time pass and let his anger suppress a bit.
Now, I don’t want you thinking that if you wait long enough his anger will go away completely.
In fact, he will still probably be furious.
HOWEVER, him being at a 6 on the anger scale as opposed to a 10 is a much better place to make progress in regards to forgiveness.
How Much Time Can Go By For His Anger Level To Subside?
How much time is enough?
Well, it’s not a day…
Heck, it’s not even a week.
If I were you I would let two weeks go by before you start in with the hardcore convincing.
Now, here is an interesting little twist to this.
Lets say that you say to yourself,
“I am just going to let him be alone for a couple of weeks. I won’t call him or bother him at all. I am going to let his anger go down.”
Well, what if you did all that and let him be by himself for two weeks but around day 7 or 8 you find that he is constantly texting you or calling you.
This is his subtle way of letting you know that he may be ready for the next steps of this process.
So, if you find that you use a shortened version of the no contact rule and your ex is constantly contacting you almost begging for you to apolgoize to him for your fake cheating then it’s his weird way of telling you that his anger has subsided a bit and he wants to see you beg for him back.
But your not going to do that.
Instead you are going to do something much more clever.
Stopping The Behavior
Actions speak louder than words.
Fans of Ex Boyfriend Recovery know that I am a huge fan of that phrase.
Because in my opinion actions DO speak louder than words.
When it’s all said and done words are just words and while words are important they aren’t as powerful as someone who takes action.
For example, if we were dating and I were to tell you that I love you then I am sure you would feel pretty good about it.
However, if I were to show you that I love you by taking you on elaborate trips, spoiling you rotten and taking care of you in every way you would have ever wanted a man to take care of you (assuming that you wanted to be taken care of) something tells me that you would feel better about that when compared to me just telling you I loved you.
I guess what I am saying here is that actions speak louder than words.
Ok, now that we have that little explanation out of the way lets turn our attention to the task at hand.
Our job here is to move from point A on the graph above where your ex is angry at you because he thinks you cheated on him to point B on the graph where he forgives you.
Well, in order to do that effectively you are going to have to take a pretty massive action.
What action are you going to have to take?
How can I put this.
Your ex boyfriend is clearly peeved at you because he thinks you cheated on him when you really didn’t. That means that you did something to make him think that.
I need you to locate the behavior that you engaged in that made him think that you cheated on him and stop that behavior.
For the sake of this article I am going to just pretend that he looked through your phone and caught you flirting with a male friend.
Well, in this particular instance the best way to “stop the behavior” is to cut off all contact with that male friend.
Now, I know that you may not be so thrilled with this because you are losing out on a friendship with the male friend but sometimes a sacrifice has to be made for the greater good.
Besides if you were to cut off contact with that male friend permanently that is something that you could mention to your ex boyfriend down the road that can make him go,
“Wow, I mean so much to her that she is willing to do that just for me.”
Mean love to feel they are gods gift to the world.
Lets move on to the most important action you can take to move from point A to point B.
Have Evidence In Your Favor
These things always work better when I give examples so I am going to construct a little scenario for you.
Lets pretend that you took a picture with a guy friend and made it your profile picture on Facebook while you were dating your boyfriend.
Just to give you a more visual representation lets pretend that the picture below is the one that was taken with you and your guy friend,
Now, your ex boyfriend sees that you have made this picture your profile picture on Facebook and immediately becomes very angry with you.
In fact, he becomes so angry that he suspects that you are cheating on him and breaks up with you.
Of course, you react the way any woman in your position reacts.
You become extremely desperate and try to win him back.
You try everything.
No matter what you try you seem to fail.
That’s when you stumble across this article and start following it’s advice.
You let time go by in the form of the no contact rule.
You take down the profile picture (and any pictures you have taken of the guy friend.) You even go as far as to cut the guy friend out of your life.
So, what’s next?
You need to compile evidence proving your innocence. In this case I would say you should send your ex boyfriend screenshots of any communication between you and the guy friend on the phone or on Facebook to prove without a doubt that you are innocent and did NOT cheat on your ex boyfriend.
Evidence can come in many shapes or forms.
Some women give their exes passwords to their social media profiles.
Some women let their ex look through their phone.
The point is that you need to have some type of evidence to show your ex that he is completely wrong about you cheating.
The better the evidence the better chance you have of getting him to forgive you.