How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Here’s an interesting situation.

Lets say that you and your boyfriend go through a breakup (arguably one of the most emotional experiences a human being can go through.) During the breakup talk your (now) ex boyfriend mentions that he believes you cheated on him.

Now, you being very proud of how faithful you are in relationships immediately deny this accusation from your ex but no matter how many times you insist that you are innocent in this your ex simply won’t believe you.

So, you decide to do a little detective work to find out why your ex believes that you were unfaithful.

You: Hey, why do you think I was unfaithful?

Your Ex: I saw your phone conversation with Derek.

(Side Note: Derek has been your good guy friend since childhood. The two of you have a certain amount of rapport with each other and sometimes this “rapport” can be viewed as flirting but the two of you are just friends and nothing else.)

You: What phone conversation?

Your Ex: You know, the one where you called him “hun.”

(Another Side Note: You pretty much call everyone “hun” who you interact with. Pet names are kind of your thing.)

So, now that you have more insight into why your ex boyfriend believes that you cheated on him (even though you didn’t) how can you,

A. Convince him that you didn’t cheat on him.

B. Get him back.

Well, that is what we are going to explore on this page.

Welcome to the ultimate guide to getting an ex boyfriend back if he thinks you cheated on him but you really didn’t.

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The Outline Of This Guide

outline your text

If you aren’t too familiar with Ex Boyfriend Recovery (this website) then I would like to inform you that usually at the beginning of every article or guide that I write I like to include a brief outline. I do this because I think it is helpful for people skimming to understand how my pages are going to flow.

Well, this page is no exception.

I am not going to do anything to re-invent the wheel here but I still feel its important to stay on top of things so we have a clear path to follow when we are talking about a complex situation like this.

Speaking of the cheating situation at hand lets talk a little bit about the sections I am going to be covering today.

After 4 days of planning this guide I have decided to divide this page up into three sections. Each of these sections is meant to really take an in-depth look at everything that is going through an exes mind (assuming he thinks you cheated on him when you really didn’t) and teach you the things you need to do to raise your chances of getting him back.

Lets take a look at the sections now,

  1. Understanding How Your Ex Defines Cheating
  2. Insight Into Him And His False Assumption
  3. Overcoming His False Assumption

Pretty cool, huh?

Well, lets not waste time here and lets get to our first section.

Section One: Understanding How Your Ex Defines Cheating

cheating on me

This guide revolves heavily around cheating.

Specifically a situation where your ex boyfriend believes that you cheated on him when you really didn’t.

So, before we can really take a look at his insecurities and feelings around his false assumption we must first understand what your ex boyfriend believes cheating to be.

Now, on the surface it seems like a pretty simple question.

“What is cheating defined as?”

The problem is that things get a lot more complex when you take into account that every single person walking this earth has their own unique definition for cheating.

For example, my personal definition of cheating may be different than yours.

Oh, and then you can add another layer of complexity into the equation when you take “emotional cheating” into account.

Do you see why a simple question like,

“What is cheating defined as?”

can be a little difficult to answer.

So, from your perspective the only thing that matters is how your ex boyfriend defines cheating.

Lets take a look at that now.

I Am The Benchmark For Your Ex Boyfriends Beliefs

me

Would you like to know the thing that separates Ex Boyfriend Recovery from all the other ex recovery websites out there?

One word…

ME!

Yup, I am the bridge between the mind of a woman into the mind of a man.

I am one of the foremost authorities on understand men.

Want to know why?

I AM ONE!

I think like they think…

I have the fears that they have…

Heck, I even have the same feelings that they have…

Basically what I am getting at here is that I think like your ex boyfriend so I am the ultimate benchmark for understanding his beliefs on cheating. So, what I would like to do now is share my own personal beliefs on cheating which I believe I have shared once before here but I am going to share them again below so you can gain insight into what your ex boyfriend will consider as “cheating.”

Oh, but before I get into that I do want to have a quick discussion on the levels of cheating.

Not All Cheating Is Created Equally

force

I guess the first thing that I would like to talk about is the fact that not all cheating is created equally.

What do I mean by this?

Simple, a woman who has an emotional affair with a man is going to be forgiven a lot easier than a woman who has a physical affair with one.

So, what we are going to do now is go down the list of what I (and by default, your ex) considers to be cheating and I will talk about how hard it will be for a man to forgive in each instance. Remember, we are operating under the assumption that your ex thinks you cheated on him so understanding his willingness to forgive will give you insight to how angry he is with you and how hard it will be to convince him that you didn’t actually cheat on him.

Cheating Factor #1- Sleeping With Someone Else

I started out with a bang… (pun intended.)

Look, having sex with someone else who isn’t your significant is the ultimate betrayal to your significant other.

It’s bad.

I mean, there is a reason why women who sleep around on their boyfriend have the hardest time in getting him back.

Oh, and lets not forget that it’s also going to be the hardest thing for your ex to forgive. So, if your ex thinks that you cheated on him by sleeping with someone else you are going to have your work cut out for you in convincing him otherwise.

Cheating Factor #2- Kissing Someone Else

Ok, this is a step down from actually sleeping with someone else but not much farther down.

I would be absolutely livid if someone I was dating kissed someone else.

Oh, and just so I am crystal clear about this I am not talking about a kiss on the cheek. I am talking about a bonafide kiss on the lips,

kiss on th elips
That means that I don’t consider a kiss on the cheek to be cheating (technically.) But I will tell you I would be furious is someone I was dating initiated it to a really handsome man.

Anyways, lets talk a little about the forgiveness factor with a kiss on the lips.

If you could chart a man’s anger in relation to how he was cheated on then his girlfriend sleeping with someone else would be a 10 out of 10.

A kiss would be an 8 out of 10.

What does this mean?

It means that forgiveness won’t be easy to achieve but much more possible than if he thinks you slept with someone else.

Cheating Factor #3- Hardcore Flirting (You’ll See What I Mean If You Read)

Imagine that the two of us are dating.

You enjoy your relationship with me and I enjoy my relationship with you.

Of course, lately you have been feeling a little lonely in the relationship so you decide to engage some light flirting with one of your guy friends. Eventually the flirting leads to heavier topics like sex, telling each other that you miss one another, sending naked pictures back and forth.

You know, typical stuff.

(I am rolling my eyes right now if you can’t tell.)

You haven’t done anything wrong, right?

WRONG!

I consider this to be cheating.

If you tell another man that is not me that you miss him, that you want to have sex with him or you send him naked pictures then I consider it to be cheating.

Why?

Because the intention is there.

Whose to say if I wasn’t around one day that you won’t invite him over and go to town (metaphorically speaking.)

Now, since there is no actual physical cheating going on the anger level isn’t going to be as high as if there was.

6-7 out of 10 depending on what is said during the hardcore flirting.

Cheating Factor #4- Couple Photos With Other Men

Take a look at the picture below,


Surely this couple is dating, right?

WRONG!

Lets imagine that we are dating again.

And lets say that one day I log on to Facebook and I am greeted with this picture in my feed.

You posted the picture…

And that guy is not me…

Oh, in case you have a sudden onset of blindness this is a picture of you holding hands with another guy very romantically.

How bout this one?

hugging couple
Look, some guys are ok with other men passionately hugging their girlfriends but I am not.

What’s more if you look at the picture above it doesn’t look like the girl is hating the hug.

I find these couple like pictures disrespectful to the man in the relationship if the man is the one in them.

You know what I am saying?

Anyways, the anger level here is going to be a 5 or 6 out of a 10.

Definitely easier to recover from this accusation. I think a mans trust is hurt more than anything in this particular instance.

Section Two: Insight Into Him And His False Assumption

The first thing I would like to cover today has to do with insecurity.

I am about to deliver some earth shattering news to you…

Your ex boyfriend is insecure.

Heck, every man I know has some weird insecurity.

Take me for example.

After seeing women who actually did cheat on their boyfriends I am terrified of it.

This makes me a little insecure when my wife talks to other men outside of work. It’s not that I don’t trust her (she is very trustworthy) it’s just that I don’t want to ever experience the pain of being cheated on so it makes me a little more prone to jealousy than I need to be.

Here is the funny thing though.

For the longest time I used to think I was alone in this irrational fear of being cheated on until I mentioned it to a few friends of mine.

My one friend had a wife who cheated on him eight times understood my fear.

My other friend who had a girlfriend of six years (at the time) mentioned that he wouldn’t know what to do if he caught his girlfriend being unfaithful.

This got me thinking.

Do all men have this fear of being cheated on?

Do All Men Worry About Being Cheated On?

worried

Do you want the short answer or the long answer?

How about both?

Short Answer = Yes

Long Answer = Gonna need some explaining

The question we are asking here is do all men worry about being cheated on by their significant others?

Lets just assume that all men do.

I mean, if you were to walk up to the average person on the street and ask him or her,

“Would you like it if your significant other cheated on you?”

Something tells me that the person you asked would say NO.

Well, when it comes to men you aren’t going to find one that isn’t at least a little afraid of it. However, there are certain factors that come into play that can make him more afraid of it.

Lets pretend that you are grading a mans fear of being cheated on, on a scale from a 1 to a 5.

With a 1 being that a man isn’t too scared of being cheated on and a 5 being that he is absolutely terrified of it to an unhealthy extent.

Each man is going to have his own specific subconscious number.

This number is going to be affected by other factors as well.

Take my friend who was cheated on by his wife (8 times.) Well, this ruined him for future relationships because he was always on Red Alert for cheating. In other words, his fear of being cheated on was at a 5 at all times.

I have a feeling that, that is what we are dealing with here if your ex boyfriend thinks you cheated on him when you really didn’t.

We are dealing with a man who is at a 4 or 5 on the suspicion scale and may have been actively looking for things that make you look like you are cheating on him. For example, maybe he cracks your Facebook password one day and decides to take a stroll through your Facebook messages and finds some flirty messages between you and a friend (a guy friend) and makes some very wrong assumptions about the two of you.

This brings me to my next point.

His false assumption.

His Fear Of Being Cheated On And His False Assumption

bannanas meme

Lets say that your ex boyfriend has a bad fear of being cheated on.

In fact, this fear is so deeply ingrained in his mind that he feared it long before you came along. Now, lets back up to the courtship phase of your relationship where both of you were feeling each other out to see if you wanted to be in a relationship with one another.

Generally speaking during this feeling out process you kind of give cliff notes of your past relationships.

Nothing too in-depth (for fear of hurt feelings) but it’s natural to be curious about a persons past right.

Now, lets say that your ex boyfriend (during the courtship phase) asked you if you had ever cheated on a boyfriend before.

Ah…

Now that’s an interesting question.

Anytime a man asks you that he is trying to determine if history is going to repeat itself again where you cheat on him.

Of course, since you don’t believe in lying during moments like this you decide to tell the truth.

“Yes, I did cheat one time on a boyfriend. It was just a kiss and nothing else.”

You then go on to describe the horrible boyfriend you had and how you just couldn’t figure out how to escape him so you cheated as a way of dealing with the pain.

Now, upon hearing this your ex boyfriend (that you haven’t dated yet) seems unfazed. However, the inside of his head tells a different story.

It starts off as a really light thought like,

“I wonder if she will do that to me if I date her?”

Again, its a really light thought that he doesn’t pay much attention to.

Lets fast forward a few months to when he actually does date you and his fears of being cheated on start to manifest.

Lets say that you have been dating him for around 6 months and in those 6 months the two of you have gotten extremely close to one another and with that closeness his fear of being cheated on has slowly started to manifest itself.

In case you didn’t know.

To a man being cheated on by a woman you don’t care about isn’t as hurtful as being cheated on by a woman you care about deeply.

It’s possible your ex could be having thoughts like,

“My god… If she ever cheated on me it would hurt 100 times more now.”

His fear of being cheated on can manifest itself in many ways.

How It Can Manifest Itself?

Again, usually this fear starts out very light and then as time moves on (and the two of you become closer) you start to see him do things that are out of character.

For example, he will ask more specific questions about your past cheating experience which eventually will lead him to spying on you through your phone or Facebook and ultimately end up with him doing some very questionable things like causing fights (over you cheating) or accusing you of cheating when you really haven’t.

Lets talk a little about that now.

His false assumption that you cheated on him.

What You Need To Know About His False Assumption

ego meme

I guess the first thing that I want to tell you is that his false assumption about you cheating on him is partly his fault and partly your fault.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“My fault? HOW THE HECK IS THIS MY FAULT?”

Well, it’s your fault because you did something to make him think you cheated on him.

Granted, it’s probably not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but to him in this moment it is.

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that the two of us are dating and I end up falsely accusing you of cheating on me because I picked up your phone one day and stumbled across a message like this between you and one of your guy friends,

Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 5.34.31 PM

Remember, this is a text message that is just between you and a guy friend.

The two of you haven’t kissed, hugged or even had any type of physical contact.

In other words, no cheating occurred at all.

Of course, when I read the text message I don’t look at it like an innocent encounter between two friends.

You see, in my mind I look at it like two people who have feelings for each other.

Why?

Because the only way I would tell a woman that I “missed her” would be if I had feelings for her. So, hearing a woman tell it to another man makes me go insane and raises a few red flags.

So, you can see that innocent little things like the text message above can be taken the wrong way by a boyfriend who is looking for evidence against you.

This leads me to my next point.

Why Your Ex May Be At Fault For Falsely Accusing You Of Cheating

Before I get into the meat of this small section I want you to take a moment and re-read the section before this one.

The one entitled:

His Fear Of Being Cheated On And His False Assumption

The whole point of that section is to explain to you how a mans fear of being cheated on can take control of his life in certain instances.

In fact, it can take so much control of him that he will actively start searching for evidence that proves you are cheating (even if you haven’t done anything to warrant such a search.)

This makes him finding something elementary like a text between two friends exchanging pleasantries much worse than it really is.

This is his fault.

In my experience this is how most false accusations come about.

It’s a combination of a man being controlled by his fear coupled with something that a woman did to light the fuse of the accusation.

In those cases where the accusation is false I am going to go out on a limb here and say that its more his fault than yours since the evidence he finds on you is kind of lame.

SECTION THREE: How To Overcome His False Accusation

improve

Have you ever tried to reason with a mentally disturbed person?

If you have then you know that it is extremely difficult.

I am taken back to that movie “The Sixth Sense.”

Have you ever seen that movie?

If not, you should invest a few hours and watch it, it’s pretty good.

Anyways, at the beginning of the movie Bruce Willis and his wife are celebrating him getting an award (since he is a prominent child psychologist.)

bruce willis wife

Looks like everything is going pretty great for our main man Bruce!

He has a great career for which he just got honored for and it looks like his wife is incredibly turned on by it. She grabs him by the hand and takes him upstairs.

YIPPEEE!

Looks like our man Bruce is about to get lucky!

However, just when he is about to strip his wife notices that their bedroom window is broken and in the connecting bathroom the camera pans over to a very disturbed grown man,

disturbed man

The man, pictured above, has stripped to his underwear and keeps yelling at Willis for letting him down.

Turns out the man above is a mentally disturbed former patient of our favorite child psychologist (Bruce Willis.)

So, Willis does what any self respecting psychologist does in that instance.

He tries to reason with him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t help you…”

“I can try to help you now…”

These are Willis’ last words just before he is shot and killed by the mentally disturbed man,

vincent gun

Now, I bet your are wondering how the heck this all ties in to overcoming a false accusation from an ex boyfriend.

Good question.

Well, trying to reason with an ex boyfriend who has falsely accused you of cheating is a lot like trying to reason with a gun wielding mentally disturbed person.

One wrong step and you get shot.

Except instead of physically like in Bruce Willis’ case you are going to get shot emotionally.

That’s what this section is here for.

I am going to teach you how to properly overcome a situation where you have been falsely accused.

Point A = Anger, Point B = Forgiveness

We are going to start this section with a pretty big assumption.

Your ex boyfriend is angry at you.

Seriously…

The man thinks you cheated on him so of course he is angry about it.

What we are attempting to do is to take him from point A (where he is angry) to point B (where he is no longer angry and is willing to forgive you.)

Hmm…

I don’t think I am explaining this properly.

Ok, take a look at the graphic below,

A to B line

As you can see point A of the line is where your ex boyfriend is at right now.

He believes you cheated on him and is extremely angry with you.

Basically he is the mentally disturbed guy with the gun in the example I gave above.

So, how can you move him from point A of the line to point B?

Good question.

There are certain things you can do to lead him along the correct path.

Lets look a few of those now,

A to B line

You will notice that in this graphic there are three new additions to the “A to B” line.

Those new additions are,

  1. Time
  2. Stopping Behavior
  3. Evidence

What do these additions mean and how can we employ them to help your ex boyfriend believe you when you say that you didn’t cheat on him?

Let’s find out!

Time

time meme

Remember at the beginning of this section I mentioned that we are going to start operating under a certain assumption.

Do you remember what this assumption was?

The Assumption = Your ex boyfriend is super angry at you.

Now, I know what I am about to say isn’t exactly earth shattering advice and I have probably given it on other articles but anger isn’t a permanent emotion.

I know some people can hold grudges for a long time but no one can stay angry at the same level forever.

Let me give you an example.

I was furious when I found out that my ex girlfriend was flirting with another guy but the level of anger I had in the moment where I found out that she was flirting with another dude did not hold.

Around the same time the next week I was still upset about it but I was nowhere near the level I was at when I initially found out.

You can’t expect your ex boyfriend to be very receptive of anything you are saying initially after he finds out that you cheated (even though you really didn’t.)

The smarter play would be to let some time pass and let his anger suppress a bit.

Now, I don’t want you thinking that if you wait long enough his anger will go away completely.

It won’t.

In fact, he will still probably be furious.

HOWEVER, him being at a 6 on the anger scale as opposed to a 10 is a much better place to make progress in regards to forgiveness.

How Much Time Can Go By For His Anger Level To Subside?

How much time is enough?

Well, it’s not a day…

Heck, it’s not even a week.

If I were you I would let two weeks go by before you start in with the hardcore convincing.

Now, here is an interesting little twist to this.

Lets say that you say to yourself,

“I am just going to let him be alone for a couple of weeks. I won’t call him or bother him at all. I am going to let his anger go down.”

Well, what if you did all that and let him be by himself for two weeks but around day 7 or 8 you find that he is constantly texting you or calling you.

This is his subtle way of letting you know that he may be ready for the next steps of this process.

So, if you find that you use a shortened version of the no contact rule and your ex is constantly contacting you almost begging for you to apolgoize to him for your fake cheating then it’s his weird way of telling you that his anger has subsided a bit and he wants to see you beg for him back.

But your not going to do that.

Instead you are going to do something much more clever.

Stopping The Behavior

stop

Actions speak louder than words.

Fans of Ex Boyfriend Recovery know that I am a huge fan of that phrase.

Why?

Because in my opinion actions DO speak louder than words.

When it’s all said and done words are just words and while words are important they aren’t as powerful as someone who takes action.

For example, if we were dating and I were to tell you that I love you then I am sure you would feel pretty good about it.

However, if I were to show you that I love you by taking you on elaborate trips, spoiling you rotten and taking care of you in every way you would have ever wanted a man to take care of you (assuming that you wanted to be taken care of) something tells me that you would feel better about that when compared to me just telling you I loved you.

I guess what I am saying here is that actions speak louder than words.

Ok, now that we have that little explanation out of the way lets turn our attention to the task at hand.

Our job here is to move from point A on the graph above where your ex is angry at you because he thinks you cheated on him to point B on the graph where he forgives you.

Well, in order to do that effectively you are going to have to take a pretty massive action.

What action are you going to have to take?

Hmm…

How can I put this.

Your ex boyfriend is clearly peeved at you because he thinks you cheated on him when you really didn’t. That means that you did something to make him think that.

I need you to locate the behavior that you engaged in that made him think that you cheated on him and stop that behavior.

For the sake of this article I am going to just pretend that he looked through your phone and caught you flirting with a male friend.

Well, in this particular instance the best way to “stop the behavior” is to cut off all contact with that male friend.

Now, I know that you may not be so thrilled with this because you are losing out on a friendship with the male friend but sometimes a sacrifice has to be made for the greater good.

Besides if you were to cut off contact with that male friend permanently that is something that you could mention to your ex boyfriend down the road that can make him go,

“Wow, I mean so much to her that she is willing to do that just for me.”

Trust me…

Mean love to feel they are gods gift to the world.

Lets move on to the most important action you can take to move from point A to point B.

Have Evidence In Your Favor

evidence

These things always work better when I give examples so I am going to construct a little scenario for you.

Lets pretend that you took a picture with a guy friend and made it your profile picture on Facebook while you were dating your boyfriend.

Just to give you a more visual representation lets pretend that the picture below is the one that was taken with you and your guy friend,

Now, your ex boyfriend sees that you have made this picture your profile picture on Facebook and immediately becomes very angry with you.

In fact, he becomes so angry that he suspects that you are cheating on him and breaks up with you.

Of course, you react the way any woman in your position reacts.

You become extremely desperate and try to win him back.

You try everything.

Begging…

Pleading…

Crying…

No matter what you try you seem to fail.

That’s when you stumble across this article and start following it’s advice.

Time

You let time go by in the form of the no contact rule.

Stopping Behavior

You take down the profile picture (and any pictures you have taken of the guy friend.) You even go as far as to cut the guy friend out of your life.

So, what’s next?

Evidence?

Evidence

You need to compile evidence proving your innocence. In this case I would say you should send your ex boyfriend screenshots of any communication between you and the guy friend on the phone or on Facebook to prove without a doubt that you are innocent and did NOT cheat on your ex boyfriend.

Evidence can come in many shapes or forms.

Some women give their exes passwords to their social media profiles.

Some women let their ex look through their phone.

The point is that you need to have some type of evidence to show your ex that he is completely wrong about you cheating.

The better the evidence the better chance you have of getting him to forgive you.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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What Do You Think? (120)

  1. Laura - 0

    Laura

    Hi I really need help as I do not know what to do!
    My ex boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me because he accused me of cheating with my business partner, I have never cheated but my ex never liked it when I messaged this other person, he asked to look at my phone, I said no for 2 reasons, 1st I want him to trust what I am telling him, I have no cheated nor will I ever and I did not want this to set a presadance for the rest of our relationship, but also, even though it was one way traffic from my business partner, there were messages on there where, after I had signed the contact for our company he decided to tell me he was in love with me, if I told my boyfriend he would of told me to not see my business partner, which is difficult as we own a business together! But I have told my business partner/ friend that nothing will ever happen ever, which was also in the messages on my phone. I tried to reassure my boyfriend but one day we had a massive fight, my ex walked out and that was it. He wouldn’t answer my texts or calls for the rest of the day, 2 days later he messaged asking how I was, I said not good and he’s hurt me, he told me to “check myself”, ignored this comment and said I missed him, he replied with I hope so! 2 days later, Valentine’s Day I get this text from him:
    I know you not love me you and you and ******** have thing I’m not trust you now and I can’t trust you never don’t try because you don’t want to lost your time I can’t believe you and you lying I hate lying and now I hate you a don’t need you go away and enjoy this beautiful life and don’t message me
    I messaged him saying that there was nothing with this other guy and I only love my boyfriend etc etc, his response was, what’s done is done, so I responded by saying it’s all in his head but I have said everything I can I have nothing left to say and that has been it, we both have not contacted each other, and we do not follow each other on social media so stalking is down to a minimum as his accounts are all private. I do not know what to do, also we live 3 hours from each so it’s a LDR. Please help me if you can

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Laura,

      you mean you said those reasons above to him? Also, what do you think about the advice above? And that’s good that his account is private because you shouldn’t stalk him.

    • Laura - 0

      Laura

      Hi Amor
      When he asked to look at my phone I explained that he should trust what I am saying and I should not have to prove myself, and he had had a girl message him on Instagram that day saying he was good looking (which he didn’t respond to other than saying he had a girlfriend), he did agree with what I was saying but he really does not like my business partner and feels that he tries to poison my mind against him, which is not the case! This happened a week ago today but the last time we spoke through messages where he said he hated me was 3 days ago. I’m really worried as he is a very stubborn, head strong person, he has been though a lot in his life (he’s only 24) where his parents died when he was young, raised by grandparents who then died and comes from a violent country which he fled, I know this contributes to his trust issues and I believe he’s scared of loving someone and them leaving, the first sign of him thinking he’s going to get hurt he’s ran and everything I have said to reassure him has not helped at all, he’s been very short with me and him telling me he hated me was like a knife to the heart, I do not think I have ever been in this position before. I am not contacting him but I worry if I leave it too long ( we were together under 3 months) he will think I do not love or care for him and that his thoughts of me abandoning him have come true and this feeling will turn to resentment. When I say he is stubborn, he is very stubborn and has a mind of his own, I feel he has shut down completely and there is no going back, last week when this happened I never imagined he would go this long without talking to me, he couldn’t even go a day without talking to me let alone nearly 4 (it’s been a week since we spoke on the phone or face to face). I find this behaviour so strange becuase the morning of our fight he asked ne if I would move to Italy with him in a year as he wants to live there, when I said probably not, he said wherever I want to live is where we will be because he needs me in his life all the time, he went from being near on obsessed with me ( in a romantic way not a crazy way) to not having anything to do with me. I am so confused

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      tell the reasons you mentioned above to him first.. wait a week if he still hates you, that’s not your fault anymore.. he’s being unreasonable..either you move on or at least start the count of 30 days from there..

  2. ayushi - 0

    ayushi

    Hello,
    My boyfriend of 4 years brokeup with me because I cheated on him. No, I didn’t sleep with anyone. I was not in another relationship. I was friends with the guy whom my boyfriend hated the most. My guy told me to stay away from that person but I lied to him and still kept friendship with this guy. And last week my boyfriend got to know about our secret friendship and brokeup with me saying that I gave more importance to that person than my bf.
    We (I and my boyfriend) are still talking. We are planning to move in together next month. I know he loved me so much and I hurted him so bad by lying to him. I’m feeling guilty that I tried to end up my life. I’m very well aware that I did wrong to him. I also have anger issues. I used to yell on him over small things but always been supportive. He left his family to be with me. And I’m so stupid that I hurted him so so so bad.
    I said sorry like thousand times but he thinks that I won’t change and I will hurt him again.
    I hurted him alot before on small things but this one kinda big.
    I really have no idea that whether he’ll take me back or no. What should I do to convince him. I feel ashamed asking for a chance. I really love him and want him to take me back.
    What should I do? please help me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ayushi,

      In the articles that you’ve posted and read, do you want the advice Chris gave?

  3. Anastasia - 0

    Anastasia

    Hi I’m Anastasia, Russian, living in Amsterdam. I just found your website and read a big part of it. It is insanely incredible!
    I have a kind of odd situation here. I’m pretty situated haha.

    So I have been with my boyfriend for eh.. 9 months?
    We started off PERFECT and we were insanely in love (always have been). It is something that we both didn’t know it excisted. We were so good, sex was good, we were like Bonny&Clyde. The deepest connection from both sides. My mom loved him (well that’s a miracle) and his parents who live in Curacao loved me too. (He’s Portuguese/Colombian)
    I recently even realized something because of a book I’ve read.. A Russian book that basically tells you that your thoughts turn into reality if you really want it..
    When I was single for 3,5 years.. I thought to myself.. I want a guy, and I want him to be like this:
    – Gym lover
    – Healthy lifestyle
    – Not a muslim (got my reasons, ex’s were muslim and it’s doomed to fail)
    – Not only the gains, but also the brains
    – Someone with that entrepreneur-mindset like me

    And guess what, I found my (now ex)! AT THE GYM. Oh God even the same name like my dad (which dumped me & my mom when I was kid)

    So we were doing so good until I did a diet for my bowels which led me to heavy mood-swings, my jealousy kicked in, lost 10kg, confidence lvl 0, my immune system went down, didn’t go to the gym, I already didn’t have a job/school (were planning on it.. my grandma passed away and it fucked me up)
    Right after I started the diet (which he supported me with) he moved to a new place/studio room and I helped him with EVERYTHING, I was the ONLY one there for him, not even his best friends.
    So because my landlord wanted to kick me out bc he couldn’t take it that my bf visited me, I basically moved in with him for a while (we were together for about 4 months?)
    We got into stupid arguments, even about cleaning. I didn’t do anything and his school also didn’t start yet. In fact, he fucked up his 1st year because of partying etc..
    When he met me, I tried to back him up and I even made calls for him for school and legal stuff, bc he moved to Amsterdam in August 2015 and he knows Dutch but he’s insicure about it.
    He also used to do pick-up and that made me even more insecure (he was only 19 yrs and he dumped that lifestyle in 0,1 second, what if he misses it?)

    So, we have gotten into a lot of fights. Eventually it was mostly because he thought I had eyes on other people and because he is TOO social and needs to talk to girls. Also because he had contact with girls, and had them as friends everywhere.
    He is very stubborn but good-hearted. He couldn’t buy me things, anything (we also fought about that.. come on get me flowers?)
    Yet there was this pure, beautiful Latin-Russian hotblooded love you know.
    Also he motivated me to be better since I came into a depression and felt horrible..
    Basically, we had a hard time because of the discussion about stupid shit, no trust anymore (even though in the beginning we were both like: omg we communicate like no other couple)
    Also, people started telling me that he is too young etc.. I told them fuck it, I love him, true love waits (for him to grow up, especially since he is really into self-development)
    And people started telling him that I’m crazy, dramatic etc.
    He is also very emotional and told me that every time I hurt him it hurts like hell, while usually things never got to him, even his parents telling him that he’s a piece of shit.
    Also he cried a lot in the beginning (I’m a scorpio, no mercy..pff) and it got less and less and he started blaming me that I did everything wrong. Yet tried to make it up bc he loves me insanely.

    Okay now you kinda got a couple of details to give you a view on it.

    So.. The situation got so fucked up and we both couldn’t let go because we love each other so much and it’s a very rare thing..

    His best friend (who studies psychology, is a Dutch guy (who usually are horrible people without morals or something) and is also in self-development etc) came over around the 7th of december and we hung out.
    When they left for a walk, I started reading my ex’s book “The way of the superior man” which he just bought, I was curious what he was reading about.
    When he came back from a walk with his friend, he got mad and said: “Yeahhh you read it to use it against me”. I told him: “Actually, this is a really good lesson for you AND me, on understanding each other”.
    His friend agreed with me.. we talked a bit and Gijs gave his opinions and solved a couple of tension-points. Before he left, he told me I could always contact him for help.
    So 15th of December arrives. I had a big fight with my ex, probably about that he sent his whole Snapchat list a video with: HEY HOW ARE YOU DOING? LONG TIME NO SPEAK
    (his phone died and he used my oldie for like 4 months and got his phone back and started snapping).
    He asked me if he could bike himself to the station.. When we left, I pushed off a bike of mine and even hit a car, that’s how mad I was.
    He said goodbye like it was all oke, pretty calm. But I was HYSTERICAL and called his friend because calling my mom would only result in: “Just leave him then”.
    He calmed me down and I explained what happened. Surprisingly he told me that my ex has done something really wrong and he understood me and told me he would talk to my ex.
    Couple of hours passed and my ex texted me with sorry, my friend called me blabla
    Next days I talked to his friend and his friend talked to my ex. I wrote my ex a very mature text (like 20 pages, like it came out of a poetry book) about what he’s done wrong, how he’d hurt me, how much I love him etc etc, seriously, it was very detailed and interesting, because I was not accusing him, I tried to make him see what is happening.
    I told him: think about it until tomorrow evening, I want it to sink in.. He started texting me SORRY SORRY. He all of a sudden posted pictures of us on social media which I’ve been asking him to do for 1 month but he kept “forgetting”.
    He was tryinggg trying..
    His friend said: ignore it. Tell him to respect your decision.
    So my ex arrives the next evening. All of a sudden he starts his speech about how sorry he is and how he deleted girls and he will do anything and even brought me a teddy bear which is light-brown and cute (like him) with his perfume sprayed on it.
    Okay, I was taking it easy okay.
    After a while we went to my mom and her bf for Xmas (2 hrs away).. Which is the most beautiful time of the year for me.
    It was HORRIBLE. He was CONSTANTLY on his phone. Deleting old pictures from dropbox, playing with his new phone, snapping with his friends.. I got SO butthurt.
    Like, the last day before leaving it all calmed down and we went to my place in peace.
    He stayed a couple of days, went home for 1 and came back for newyears.
    Didn’t went smoothly but my mom told me: The way you go into the new year, that’s how your year will be.
    So after showering on nye, I completely changed (I’m very impulsive), we had a BLAST, he even paid at the cafe without a problem, I was in shock.
    We spent all night talking afterwards and it was perfect. We later even had a face call about our plans and how to deal with everything.
    The days after it it began to go a little worse, YET I stayed calm (incredible omg) and didn’t start arguing.
    He noticed my changes and told me multiple times.

    SO HERE IS THE REAL THING WHY I’M CONTACTING YOU.

    Last friday, he went to that best friend to visit him but I didn’t speak to him since 11AM because he again didnt keep his promise and I told him: “Leave me alone.” He: “cool”
    So of course I was nervous about what he was doing but I decided to not contact him and make a drama!!!!! I was so proud.
    I watched a chick movie which made me feel good and I fell asleep at 10:15 PM (it’s a miracle, I’m a night-owl)
    So what happens.. I am disturbed in my dream, I wake up and I hear something (I live with 4 asshole guys).
    I hear my ex asking my roomie: IS ANA HOME? DID YOU SEE ANY GUY WALKING IN? DID YOU SEE ANYONE HERE?
    I put on my bathrobe, still half sleeping, I unlock my door and he throws off his jacket & backpack and attacks me.
    He starts yelling: “WHO WAS IT? WHO DID YOU CHEAT WITH? WHEN? YOU FUCKING SLUT, WHORE! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU????? TELL ME THE STORY NOWWWWW”.
    I was like wtf… First thought: *I posted my last Snaps outside talking about how cold it is at 6pm and didnt post anything after it, maybe he thought I was with a guy*
    So I am all scared saying: “WTF ARE U TALKING ABOUT.”
    He started talking about condoms that I threw away and a picture with a frind of mine in a club.
    (I threw away 2 condoms out of my purse because they were so damaged and he already 1 month ago thought that I used it on someone but we talked it out.
    Also when my mom visited me a couple of months ago I said hi in the club to my girl friend who I used to work with in that club, my mom also knows her)
    So he was like ;YEAH YOU USED THOSE CONDOMS ON SOME OTHER DICK AND I BET YOU FUCKED HIM WHEN YOU “WENT TO YOUR FRIEND IN THE CLUB” (we even went there in the beginning, he knows the girl…)
    He kept on going and submissing me, he pushed me on the bed, closed my mouth and nose that I couldnt breathe, jumped on me, pushed me against my closet, wanted to throw my phone out of the balcony if I wouldn’t tell the story. He was SO mad and emotional, of course because he loves me so much.
    I was so confused.. I was like: WHERE DO YOU GET THIS SHIT FROM?
    He said: “*his friend* TOLD ME”.
    I was like wtf… what?
    I said: BITCH, Call him right now, I want him to say it to me. Hell I even asked 2x if this was a prank.
    His friend calmly said: “Yes Ana. When you called me that 15th of December, you told me that you cheated on him.”
    After the call of 15 secs, my head exploded and I started telling my ex that his friend was going to end up in hell for lying, and he was going with him and that he’s a fucking liar….
    So I wanted to leave the house, he called my mom to tell her that I cheated ( she was like wtf no ana would never do that, I know her) and after 1 min hung up on her.
    We both went outside together and I tried to hold him from leaving and let me SAY SOMETHING.
    He called his friend to say that I denied… wauw. So yeah, after 2 mins he just ran away.
    I texted him: “You need to come back, or I will find you” (i was so desperate) he didn’t receive the mssg
    1 hr later he texted: “I’m already at home ana go to sleep. Sorry that I called you a whore.. I just cant take this pain.. Youll get your shit pretty soon, besided this.. I dont have anything to talk to you”
    I called him and he basically told me its over and I need to leave him alone. Also he told me that if I would go to his place, he would leave me outside.
    I texted him: “You have to calm down” 2x
    He: “I’m sleeping at *friend* (his good friend who he always goes to 1 min away from him, when he is hurt)
    So leave me alone. It’s over.”
    I said: “I didnt do anything. You are just accusing me”
    He: “I don’t want to. Turn back. Seriously.
    Me: “Why are you doing this”
    Aaaaaand he blocked me. EVERYWHERE. ALSO MY MOM AND HER BF… Wauw. he also blocked her on whatsapp and ignored my moms calls and message.
    So basically I wanted to go to his place but his brother (who I called to ask him to talk to his mom, she only speaks Spanish) told me that it is not safe.. he might kill me right now.
    So I turned back and also called his friend. That dude CALMLY told me that he even believed that I cheated and told me he waited 3 weeks with telling because my ex told him that he suspected me from cheating that night, and he decided that he would tell him that his suspections were right.. When I told him that he went really hard on me, he said: “No, I don’t believe you”. I was SO pissed so I just ended the call before I would lower myself on him and he would have ANOTHER reason to make up shit.
    I went home, called with my mom, called with his little brother, texted with his mom (his parents told him that he really needs to talk to me) and they all told me to calm down and go to sleep, so I did..

    Next day he texts me: “I’ll talk to you but not today.. I need to calm down. We’ll meet up tomorrow somewhere.. I’ll let u know..
    I said: “It is indeed only possible to talk if you are calm. Let me know.
    He: “Tomorrow I’ll let u know”

    So I’ve been waiting aalllll day.. At 3:47 he texts me: “Im not ready to meetup with you, is gonna be some day this week. I’ll let u know”
    Me: “Why arent you ready? 5 mins later: Vic, it’s killing me that you’re so hurt..”
    Him: “Fuck off leave me alone. I’ll fucking block you. I told you in the week. And in the week its gonna be. Font have anything to say in between.”

    So he believes his friend who only said that I said that I cheated. That is the ONLY info he is basing it on. I bet his friend brainwashed him with: She is no good for you blabla. (yeah the guy who wanted to “help” us…)
    THIS WAS IT.

    So I already prepared a whole letter to read about that he needs to think clear and logical (he’s the most logical person ever) and how it offended me all.

    But now that I’ve read your page, I shouldn’t tell him that whole story and I wonder..
    1. I have to pick up my stuff (he already took his last thing from my place that night.. The boombox that he told me 3 days ago that I could keep it lol..)
    2. He has some xrated material of us on his phone……………………!!!!
    3. I still didn’t have the chance to tell him that I actually am innocent, and he really believes that I did it. He even told me: “Yeahhh all the things you did all add up, all signs of a cheater”.

    So today I’m going to my mom for distraction and before I leave he wants to meet up (he said: lets meet up tomorrow.. no no nvm i cant take it, make it today.. So I’m gonna keep it short on the station and tell him that i didnt do anything and how he can give it up bc of 1 false accusion (well, in beautiful words)

    And my question to you is:

    – What to do about our xrated pics and video’s? He would never misuse it, but since he thinks I cheated.. He might take revenge for the first time ever.
    – I still have stuff there but I’m afraid that if I do the NC after tonight (IF he shows up) he might do something with the crated stuff or throw my stuff out of his place

    Please help me. I hope you can reply to me asap so I can do things right immediately.

    God bless you!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anastasia

      do you have laws regarding that? Because you can sue him if he does spread the video. But just talk to him, tell him you’re innocent but you understand where he’s coming from and you hope that he would erase those videos and not use it against you because he’s better than that. It would be best if he erases it in front of you.

      If he doesn’t want that, ask police assistance to escort you to meet him and have that erased in front if you and the police..

      make the conversation in written form like in fb messenger, so you have evidence that the videos are from him if the worse happens..

      you can talk about the things that need to be exchanged during nc as long as its only about those things

  4. Guidance - 0

    Guidance

    Me and my boyfriend are together since last 4 years.i am all friendly with his family.being a part of his family now i speak to his younger brother as well.he caught one of our facebook chats where we were only talking like friends but he thinks that i cheated on him .he was not satisfying me thats why i moved on to his brother.tried to speak to him had put people trustworthy in between but he thinks that i cheated on him he dosent wants to comeback and hold on to the anger and grudge.pls advice

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Guidance,

      he thinks you cheated with his brother? do you want to try the advice above?

  5. Monica - 0

    Monica

    Hi there.
    I would say my situation is extreme and I most likely will never get him back. Here is why. Him and I were together for over 9 years, lived together for 8 years. This past Saturday he broke up with me for good it seems.
    I was feeling with low self-esteem and for a few years I felt he was not into me at all. After finding out he reecountred someone from the past while visiting our home country, I felt really lost, but he said all that happened was memories, hugs and no physical cheating. I mean, he was 8000 miles away, how could I tell?! Anyways, I decided to forgive and let this go, but not until a couple of years, I just snapped out of it and decided it was time for a change within myself. I started eating healthy, exercising and taking care of myself. Got in shape, started dancing and really got my sexy back.
    These dancing classes really became a passion. I started making friends, performing, going out, doing things I never really was able to do in our relationship. Well, that’s when all started to change. All of a sudden, he became needy, overly jealous, and he was so in love I could hardly believe. Our sexy life that was really blah improved, which is always a plus, however his jealousy towards my dancing and all the friends I was making turned everything into a unberable situation. Fights, arguments, short period break ups… he became really insecure and was not acting himself. He wanted me to make a choice: dancing or being together… And I could not understand y I couldn’t have both. I had a new passion now, and it was making me so good, how could I give that up?!
    Anyways, I would constantly get in trouble with him, and I used to share my stories with my new friends. Got their advices, heard how some of them overcame a similar situation with their spouses. In one of the times we broke up, I was in that phase, I didn’t want to do anything, I didn’t take the dance classes like usual, everyone was worried. I was just distraught, I could not function. So one of my friends from there, matter of fact, the leader, the instructor, wanted to meet up, talk, give me some advice. He was a good friend, so I decided to go ahead and listen to what he had to say.
    We met, talked, he shared some of his experiences, gave me some good advice and I told him I was afraid I had to give up on who I am to meet my husband’s needs. Anyways, I started crying, sobbing and talking at the same time. All of a sudden he gives me a hug and kisses me. I was caught out of guard, but kissed him back. After that moment, I clearly let him know I never saw him this way, and to me he was just a friend.
    After a week or so my husband decides to move back. He said he will try to be more understanding. I decided not to tell what happened because that would mean me giving up what I loved to do the most. Well months go by, and I am still taking classes and this friend calls me and texts me, he becomes like a confident and a good friend. He respected my space but in the back of my mind I knew he could be into me or trying to get something out of it.
    As a couple months go by, my husband really never kept on his promise, he was still acting the same way.
    I went away on a trip for around 20 days, talked to a few friends and decided to make some amendments and work on my relationship. I came back and after a couple weeks I decided to go for a coffee with my friend to let him know I wanted to start fresh with my husband, and I could no longer be a part of the dancing crew, and no longer keep in touch with him, at all. He understood where I came from, said all he wanted was for me to be happy.
    As I am getting to leave, I see 5 missed calls from my husband, my friend asks me if he could walk me to may car, and I told him no problem at all. I get inside, turn it on, and as I am about to close the door, my friend asks me if I could give him a hug. I told him, yes, no problem. I got out of the car, he hugged like he didn’t want to let me go, and then unexpectedly he kissed me. I didn’t really retributed this time, said I had to go and left.
    Well I called my husband, he asks me where I am at, I kind of lie, and he tells me, “no, that’s not where you were”. That’s when I realized he had a GPS on my car and had been following me around, meaning, he saw us hugging and the brief kiss.
    Now I am dealing with this angry person, kicking me out of the house and calling me names. He threw all of my stuff outside, was being super loud, called the cops… it was the worst break up ever.
    It’s been a week now, I’ve been through the stage where I cannot eat or sleep for days, he’s blocked me from everything, and don’t wanna look on my face. I was able to talk to him a few times and tried to explain the situation, but all he does is connect other events to this one. For example, that day I did not feel like being intimate, he thinks it is because I was having sex with this guy. He’s been calling friends, telling I’ve been having an affair, that I have been lying the whole time, not really dancing and just having sex with this guy instead.
    I know it is pretty recent, but he has left the house, apparently found another apartment and will be able to move in there next month. He said he will never forgive. He is really hurt. And every tho I begged him to get back together, I don’t feel I should be begging any longer. I really want him back in my life, but I can’t see that happening.
    Right now I am keeping my distance, not trying to contact him at all. And I also plan not answering his phone calls, if any, since I am not also able to call him.
    What other advices would you give me? I mean, I just don’t have my hopes high. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Monica,

      Try the advice above and yes, dont beg.. you have to let him be and think about your explanation.. dont talk to him while he’s still angry because it’s pointless

  6. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    Hi, i would really like some advice on my situation. My boyfriend broke up with me because he went into my plenty of fish account and saw that I was messaging guys in July when we were together and also in September when we had broke up for two weeks. I tried begging him to take me back I’m his first girlfriend I know that he loves me and I love him but he will not budge. I sent him flowers chocolates and that didn’t work what else can I do he’s a cancer And he likes to hold grudge is and he said there’s no way that he can ever trust me

    Reply
  7. sammy - 0

    sammy

    hi there,
    i commented a few days ago, but have not seen any response.
    long story short my ex boyfriend broke up with me after being together for a year and few months in september because he thinks i cheated on him, even though i did not.
    eversince then we have been arguing, with me chasing him back and fourth trying to convince him that i didnt cheat. he assumes i cheated because i didnt let him look through my phone. he is very angry and will not listen. in october i asked if he would ever come back, he said i dont know. then in november he asked me to tell him the truth and explain why i didnt let him look through my phone. after explaining he didnt message me back. last week i sent him a long message again trying to convince him that i am the right one. he replied saying that we will talk, however he did not message me after that. a few days after, i messaged him again. this time i was being rude. he ended up blocking me on snapchat but not my phone number. i asked our mutual friend to talk to him and my ex told her that he is completely done with me and will not come back. the mutual friend said that my ex is putting his ego first and that he is acting like he is way too good for me. my ex is still upset. i have been chasing him for 3 months.. do you think he will come back? i really love him and would love to be with him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sammy,

      do you want to try the advice above?

    • Ashley - 0

      Ashley

      Im going through the same thing. My boyfriend likes to hold grudges. No matter what i say or do he wont budge

  8. sammy - 0

    sammy

    hello there,

    my ex boyfriend broke up with me in September after being together for a year and a few months, because he thought i had something going on with someone else. ever since then he is very angry with me and will not listen to anything i tell him. when i asked him in October if he was ever coming back he said “i don’t know”, recently he said that we will talk, i waited a week, but he never messaged me. so then i got mad and sent him a long message with some negative words, accusing him of things he did in the past. All these months i have been chasing him, he told our mutual friend that he wants nothing to do with me and that he is done with me and relationships. our mutual friend told me that my ex is too stuck up and will not talk to be because of his ego. I feel that because i am chasing him, he is ignoring me more. he even blocked me on social media because of the long message i sent him a few days ago. he will not tell me straight up that he is done with me. i really want him back, i still have the same feelings for him. what can i do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sammy,

      do you want to try the advice above?

    • Sammy - 0

      Sammy

      Yes, i havent contacted him for a week so far.. i just want to know what are my chances of getting him back?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you do have a chance. Make this no contact period a leverage for both of you to cool down and have a restart.

    • Sammy - 0

      Sammy

      Hi Amor,
      Thanks for your advice! My ex and i spoke over the phone and decided to clear everything out, he told me that ever since we broke up he wanted to get back together but was scared that i was cheating on him, he said we need to work on our trust between our relationship

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good! I’m happy for you Sammy!

  9. Henriette Harris - 0

    Henriette Harris

    Hi Chris,

    I met my boyfriend who was married at the time, first we were just friends but our feelings towards each other became stronger and we started dating. He was always honest with me and told me that he would not leave his wife. I loved him so much that I accepted it. He would tell me periodically that I should find someone else because he loved me and that he did not want to waist my time. So after being with him for two years, I always stayed faithful to him, he told me again to find someone. I was so sad and feed up that I did start dating a guy. I told my boyfriend this and he was devastated, after a week he told me that he wanted to be with me and that he would divorce his wife and if I would give him another chance, to which I said yes. He asked me if I had slept with this man and I told him that I hadn’t. I did however have physical contact with him but we did not sleep together, but I just couldn’t tell my boyfriend as I felt embarrassed and I didn’t not want to hurt his feelings.
    My boyfriend has been in the process of getting a divorce for the last 7 months now, or so he said and I do want to believe him and trust him, but it has been a very stressful time for me. He does not live in the same country as me, he only works here, so he has been going back home to sort things out.
    Two weeks ago I got very upset, confused and angry at him because he told me that he doesn’t know if he wants to move to my country or stay in his or if he even wants to continue working at his place of work and then he left again. After his return last week we got a little drunk and as I was still angry with him, I wanted to hurt him too, I lied to him and told him that I did in fact sleep with this other guy. He obviously freaked out and left our flat. The next day I realised that no matter what I tell him he would not believe anything I told him, because he was so angry.
    I felt awful and continued to go with the lye. On the second day I told him that I lied because I wanted to hurt him because I was so hurt and explained what really happened between myself and this other guy, but he did not listen and did not accept my apology.
    He has told me that I have destroyed everything, his love, dreams for a future together and trust in me. He said that he doesn’t know if he can forgive me and if he can ever trust me again. I kept on trying to reason with him, telling him that I had always been faithful to him, but still he couldn’t see past his hurt and anger. Now he has gone back to his other home and has told me to give him time to think about what he wants to do.
    Please help, I don’t know what to do, I have been so patient!

    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Henriette,

      to be honest, it may have been patience to you, but to him it’s not.. It just showed you have low standards, so he can do what he wants with you because you allow it.. When you started dating others, he tells you what you want hear, but is he really getting a divorce? Aside from the paper work, do they live in separate houses now?

    • Henriette - 0

      Henriette

      Hi Amor,

      Firstly, thank you for your very speedy reply.

      Yes, I am aware that I suffer from low self esteem and that this is something I really have to work on and resolve. I also realise that if this relationship is to continue there are things which need to change.

      In regards to your question, he still lives with his wife in the same house. He told me that he has many things to sort out before he can move out, like sell some of his cars and motorcycles which have been his hobby, he already did sell some of it. He also explained to me that he needs to get rid of everything he owns as he doesn’t want to be in tangled with his wife in years to come. I do understand that as I have been through a divorce myself, even after the divorce I still had to have contact with my ex due to owning a house together.
      My boyfriend is a selfish and stubborn man but I do believe him. Perhaps I am gullible but I just can’t believe that someone who suppose to love you could be so mean as to pretend to get a divorce?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Well, to be frank, he’s not really being mean because he’s been doing it for years..he’s cheating on his wife and maybe he’s just maintaining the situation or prolonging it by telling you he’s getting a divorce.. Because if he’s really serious, why haven’t he done it early on?

      The good news for you is that he may have been letting things like that because it was easy.. You were fine with him being his gf so, why go through the hassle of divorce.. But right now, if he realizes you’re serious about not being that anymore, there’s a chance he will step up if he really loves you… Because he can get a place of his own, while he’s sorting his things.. Or just bring what he can to your place and then sell everything left there..of course they will still talk but it’s just unusual that the wife hasnt contacted you yet.. If he really did tell her, the wife would investigate and in some way you’ll probably know that she knows you..

  10. Melle - 0

    Melle

    A girl showed to my ex screenshots of me and her ex chatting. She accussed that guy i was chatting with that he cheated on her with me. And then that guy replied that whatever she says, he can say differently and she cant prove anything while here wasnt anything between us two. Of course, she screenshoted only the part “i’ll say that it didn’t happen” and made up a story so that my ex would think i have cheated on him too. He was furious. He yelled at me and we fought hard. Now he blocked me on facebook, and ignores me. He wouldnt talk to me at all. I love him so much. He calls me names, and says i am a cheater. I am so sad. What should i do to get him back or at least be ok with him?

    Reply
  11. Kat - 0

    Kat

    Hey, so this is a little different. But the day before my boyfriend broke up with me my friend redownloaded her tinder app. All her previous matches and messages were gone and she was upset. She asked me to redownload mine which I had deleted when I started dating my boyfriend, but she wanted me to check if mine were still there. I checked and they were but I deactivated my account immediately after letting her know. I forgot to delete the app though.

    The next night me and my boyfriend went on an awesome date and had such a good time. We went back to his house for a while and he had to wake up early for work so I had to leave. I don’t have a car and the Lyft app wasnt working so I went to download uber. As it was downloading I noticed Tinder was still there. He didn’t see it I dont think but of course I brought attention to it and was all “oh I forgot I had that”. My uber arrives and I leave.

    I get home and he starts texting me about it. Accusing me of cheating, I told him my account was deactivated and I wasn’t so much as talking to other guys, that he was the only guy in my life. He thought I was lying and no matter what I said he wouldn’t believe me. He broke up with me and told me he doesn’t want me anymore but he loves me just doesn’t trust me. So he broke up with me but said we would talk about it more tomorrow, which I think was just his way out of the convo beacuse I sent a text the next day saying I would still like to talk about what happened and if you want we can wait a couple days to cool off and revist it. He read it and didn’t reply.

    The next day I notice he blocked me on all social media. My number still wasn’t blocked though. I wrote a two page letter to him explaining how I know how it looks bad but trust me and how much I love him because I feel like it’s more personal and shows I do care. It’s supposed to arrive today. I just don’t know what else to do. I love him and it hurts me that he thinks I would do that to him. I want to get him back but I’m not sure how. His ex before me actually cheated on him so he’s scared of being cheated on and was so quick to accuse me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kat,

      What about your friend? Can she talk to him?

  12. David - 0

    David

    Hi ,I’m David. I need some advice. I’m the guy that accused my ex of cheating multiple times. Because it sounds like she is doing something sexually everytime we talk on the phone. So she finally had enough and broke up with me 2 weeks ago for the 10th time. I Love Her! with all my Heart! and I know she Loves ME! we talked about what happened many times. She tells me not to accuse her no more. Because she’s not that kind of woman. But she invited a coworker to her place. And he stayed the night. She said he tried to have sex with her. But she said she told him no. I don’t buy it. So my accusations kept on after our talk. And now she won’t talked to me. She’s even changed her number. Supposedly Loved me and does that. How do I fix it ? can it be fixed ? she’s 41 I’m 25 we been together for 6months on And off. But she always breaks up with me. I never broke up with her.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi David,

      well, do you trust her now? Because if you don’t, why go back when nothing’s going to change?

    • David - 0

      David

      Hi Amory ,thanks for replying. I just want to say A part of me Trust her and a part doesnt. But because she has not tried to talk to me since. She changed her number and it’s been 4 weeks. I don’t know what to think. but I think about her every night and morning. I can barely sleep good. I think about how she is probably happy with another guy. So she doesn’t need me no more. Do you think from what I told you before she was cheating ? Was it my insecurity? What do I do ? If she loved me, would she been have called me ? knowing I have no way to reach her? Thanks !

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      what if she got tired because you won’t believe her? You need to listen to her, but if you really don’t trust her, then just move on. She’s the only one who knows if she cheated, I can’t answer that for her.

  13. Donna - 0

    Donna

    Amor,

    2 weeks ago, I took your advice and I tried to ask my ex in his roleplaying account if he is my ex and he ignored the question and asked me how I am doing. I politely replied and kept it short and sweet, telling him about me getting back into walking and riding my bike around the park.

    Then just yesterday, one of my friends texted me a screen shot of what he said about why he blocked me and several other people on Twitter. It was because some girl was sending him innaproprate pictures and he was afraid his kids would see those pictures, and because there was so many people involved he blocked me and the others as well. I wholeheartedly empathize with his fear, as I would feel the same way. However, I think he over reacted towards me as I thought he knew me and trusted me. I didn’t do anything wrong from what I could see. I knew about the pictures, but I stayed out of it because I knew it was wrong.

    Now that I know his reason for blocking me was completely unfounded, I don’t know if I will ever be able to get him to unblock me and talk to me again.

    I’ve gone through the NC for 45 days. Should I do another 45 days to see if he realizes that he was wrong and apologizes? I really don’t know what to do as I don’t want to make this a public display.

    Reply
    • Donna - 0

      Donna

      Sorry, I posted this question in another thread. You can delete this one.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s ok. I’ll be approving both because I don’t know which one you’ll see first.

      What’s hard is that we don’t know if it’s really him in the role playing account. He’s not admitting it, although it’s more likely that it’s him. Contacting him about him blocking you in an account that he’s not admitting is like busting him, and it could make him feel embarrassed. Leading to avoiding you more. I think you should just keep talking to him in that account. If it gets better, he might admit since you already asked.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s ok. I’ll be approving both because I don’t know which one you’ll see first.

      What’s hard is that we don’t know if it’s really him in the role playing account. He’s not admitting it, although it’s more likely that it’s him. Contacting him about him blocking you in an account that he’s not admitting is like busting him, and it could make him feel embarrassed. Leading to avoiding you more. I think you should just keep talking to him in that account. If it gets better, he might admit since you already asked.

  14. DC - 0

    DC

    Hello,

    I’ve been coming to EBR, listening to your podcasts and watching your youtube videos for about almost 2 months now. My ex bf broke up with me end of September this year due to false assumption of me “cheating” on him. Social media is not a biggie for either of us, we’ve been together for more than 5 1/2 years that we’ve never had a problem with logging into each other’s accounts (we had no boundaries which was fine). Until one day where I got a notification on Snapchat from a friend of mine complimenting on a photo (selfie) of myself and his words, “You’re beautiful.” My ex bf and I saw it together but he immediately flipped out and caused a scene. He knew who he was and I’ve reassured him plenty of times that we were just friends and NEVER ANYTHING MORE. But because Snapchat does not keep info, comments, messages whatever … he says since there’s no proof of me and the friend talking or conversing, he knew that I was hiding things from him which is FALSE.

    I came across this article and read it MANY TIMES just to follow your advice. Since the day it happened I’ve fully cut ties with that friend, blocked, unfriended, everything in the books. Not only that but also refrained from talking to any of my guy friends (which I don’t have many). We’re currently in the NC right now but I’ve had to start over after 30 days had passed because I just couldn’t help myself to text him. Even before I started NC, I did whatever else other women have done … becoming a GNAT. I did NC for about 30 days with some contact maybe 3 times within that timespan. I started over again after that 30 days and I’ll tell you it’s hard.

    I came across your article on “using social media to get your ex back,” because I kid you not …. because he deactivated all of his social media, he still manages to log into my Facebook everyday many times during that day (5 times logging on in one day). Facebook’s really smart and I can find proof of him logging on thanks to me not updating my iPhone to iOS 10. He logs on everyday and not just once during that day, multiple times, yet ….. still not have the guts to talk to me or approach me. I don’t know if he’s looking for proof of me talking to other people (or talking to specifically that friend) or if he’s just obsessed with me, cares about me, misses me, and possibly still loves me and he can’t help but check to see what I’m up to.

    I’ve been doing my own thing because it’s all I could do. Getting in touch with my spiritually, putting my priorities first like work and staying busy, I’ve been working out almost everyday during the week, and reaching out to my close friends and relying on hanging out with my family during family functions to help get me by. I’m trying to be a better me and I feel like there’s other things I can do to maybe get a boost because I do love him and I do want to get him back. I want to purchase your e-book, don’t get me wrong, if I had the extra cash to spend I would’ve done so as soon as I came across your website.

    I hope someone can help me. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dc,

      that’s good.. Start doing new things yoo to meet new people and make new friends. Not because you need to date others, it’s just to help you widen your world and gain a different perspective..It’s a giid sign that he’s still checking on you but honestly, right from the start, it’s wrong to do that.. It shows that one of you is insecure, which is now apparent..

  15. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    So I’ve been with the guy i’ve been “dating” for a little over a year (we do couple stuff, but i think im just his glorified booty call).. a couple days ago i went out for drinks with a friend from H.S. (I considered him by best friend in HS) I didn’t tell him because I don’t hear from all the time and I’m not doing anything wrong.. we went to a sports bar and watched the football game and that was all. Later that night I went over to my guys house and he asked me if I had been drinking.. I said yes he asked with who and I told him.. (i could have lied but i’m being honest with him) I got in bed and laid on his chest. I looked at him and asked him if this bothered him and he said no (but I can tell in his expression it did) then he asked me if I hooked up with him.. which threw me off guard and looked at him a little crazy and said what do you mean?!?.. It wasn’t like that in HS and not now either.. we had sex and I went to sleep.. he wakes up a couple times and wakes me up no big deal i just kiss me or rub his back and knock out again.. (apparently he went through my phone) in the morning I leave early to o home and get ready for work. He send me a text like 5 min after i leave to tell him the truth about what happened last night. I told him I did and explained myself again.. he tells me I want to believe you but my gut is telling me not to. he said his Dick smelled like condom.. WTF?!? i replied with telling him we dont use them and he said exactly.. i called him and he didn’t reply said he didn’t want to talk and needed to clear his head.. I’ve made an ass out myself plenty of times.. I explain what he means to me all the time… I haven’t heard from him in 3 days and i’m respecting his time. I understand he might have trust issues with me seeing how when we got together my marriage was ending and I started with him (3 months) before I actually left. I wish I could have met him when I was “single” and yes technically I did cheat on my husband and it eats me all the time (not that i left .. just the fact on how we ended) even though he’s never told me anything its something i feel he thinks of cause i know i do..

    will I ever hear from him again? a part of wants to and the other part is mad at him..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ashley,

      I think so, just let him cool down.but why not make your relationship official?

  16. May - 0

    May

    So I have only been dating this guy(or was) for a couple weeks. We will call him Tim.We have had our couple spats but not ones unresolved. The other night(it has been around a week and a half since) we were hanging out at a bar. We had a couple drinks. Well, I had only a few, enough to get a little buzzed. He had enough to be a bit drunk. We weren’t planning on going to my place because he is allergic to my cats and I didn’t want to stay at his place. I hate leaving my cats alone at night. -anyway, i was texting my best friend(who happens to be my ex) long story short, my ex(the one I was texting, we will call him James) and I used to date, he fucked up a bunch and I finally called it quits. However we stayed close because we care about eachother a lot and it has been almost a year since we have dated and I have been over him for a while now. But I am not someone who is open about a lot of things especially my feelings and insecurities and problems. However James is the only person I can tell everything to. When I started dating Tim I was very upfront about how I am close with my ex and we are really good friends and he said that was okay. Getting back to the bar, I was there with Tim, me buzzed, him drunk. I was worried about my mom and feeling pretty depressed, along with being stressed about my job. So I wanted to talk to james and vent. I was texting him and asked him to come over, he said he wasn’t sure if it was too late or not, and I just said aw, please come over? Had I been able to finish my texts to him, I would have explained that I was stressed and just wanted some company while being able to be open. Tim had been reading over my shoulder. He asked what I was planning that night. I, buzzed, and also distracted offhandedly replied I might just hang at home and watch tv, I didn’t know. At the time I assumed James was going to just not come over if he was tired. Tim then freaked out, told me to never contact him again, and drunkenly ran away. Accused me of cheating. Fast forward a couple days, I meet with him to explain things(he was avoiding/ignoring me) he seemed calmed yet still broke up with me. Said he knew I was cheating, said I lied to him, and said I insulted his intelligence by lying. I explained everything, including my problem with opening up with other people. He still refused. Said he knew. I told him he didn’t know me, and it wasn’t fair to say he knew what happened in my head, or what i was thinking. And that he didn’t know my relationship with my ex and when I brought up that I had told him we were close he claimed that I never did. Fast forward the four times he invited me to his place to not just hook up but hang out like we’re still dating. He is really sweet and I don’t know why he can’t even entertain the idea that I am telling the truth, but he still tries to do intimate boyfriend like stuff even though he’s my ex. I pointed out that he wanted to do all the stuff that a partner does, except without the label. So we hang out but he still gets really defensive and hostile when I bring it up or when he does. He also says that because his friends agree with him that he’s right and I am lying. He said he trusts himself more than me. I really like him though. What can I do to resolve things? He has even agreed to go on a date with me. So he’s obviously has kept changing his mind and has cooled off, since he still wants to hang out and contact me and do all that other crap. So I’m not sure what else to do except for just give it time. Any advice?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi May,

      dont sleep with him if you’re not back together.. update us what happened after the date, because he might get back with you on that date.. if not,.then start no contact rule

  17. Kiva - 0

    Kiva

    I went on one date with this guy and the next day a male friend of mine called his office and told the guy that he and I are together. So now the guy I dated thinks I’m cheating on him. It’s been a week today and we had no contact simple because I thought he needed his space. But at the same time I miss him so much and idk how to make him see that I’m not dating anyone else but him.

    Reply
  18. Ghazal - 0

    Ghazal

    My ex is sure that I cheated on him throughout the course of our 3 years old relationship but of course I didn’t because I’m madly in love with him and I let him accuse me for something I don’t deserve and be treated badly for. And his facts are the guy is online when you’re online or his posts on fb seem related to yours when in reality I changed my number completely and blocked him off all social media. Basically he thought whenever he’s not with me I’m constantly cheating no matter what like im a cheating machine while Iwould avoid even going out with my girl friends without him just cause I was so scared he will think something wrong. In the end I think it’s my fault that I let him treat me this way for way too long and there’s no chance for us unless there comes a day that he realizes his mistake because I don’t need forgiveness for something I haven’t done.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Ghazal,

      cut all ties with the other guy.. and then try what’s advised above.. Get back to having your life again. Don’t let his insecurity control yours.

  19. Jhuma - 0

    Jhuma

    We were in an open relationship,then we decided to go with the flow n we both got attached.everything was fine,I really thought we were gonna pursue the relationship.he told me I am too friendly with other guys,he can’t trust me. One of his friends was hitting on me,I was flirted back.
    Because
    I didn’t know where we stand
    To tick him off ,so he reacts n tells me that he wants a serious relationship.and I have been single for a very long time,was flirting n had casual relationships,that might have affected my personality. I couldn’t take ccontrol of all these factors,n ended up screwing my relationship with him. But I really did believe in this relationship,but I feel I kind of screwed it up.

    I pleaded for a week,he blocked me. Then I realized its of no use,I stopped calling or texting.after about a week he started texting me.
    We met once after that.
    I noticed he texts me when he is drunk n alone.so I asked him what is in his mind. He said we should just be in talking terms n hanging out is not a great idea,as he doesn’t wanna trigger anything.
    I don’t know know what to do now.i really wanna get back him..its been a month since he broke up,I miss him terribly.
    I am thinking of texting him explaining,how I feel for him,n I never cheated on him.i was just stupid,didn’t want to come across as a needy person that’s why never expressed my true feelings;I was scared of being hurt,due to my past serious relationship that’s why I was acting all cool.
    Then give him space n let him decide what he wants. Until then may be nc.
    What do you think?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok.. do that.. I think that’s the only move that can give you peace

    • Jhuma - 0

      Jhuma

      But what should I do after the message n no contact ,I really wanna get back with him.how long should the nc be?after the message should I pretend to be happy n look like I am moving on or should I try more?he is a very nice person ,I didn’t realize things on time 🙁

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you should do 45 days.. Don’t pretend to be happy. Find what makes you happy apart from him. Heal and improve yourself.

  20. B - 0

    B

    Hi!
    So this is a little complicated but basically I was drunk and accidentally sent texts that was meant for my gay guy friend to my Long distance boyfriend saying that I was going over to his place and called him “babe”. My boyfriend didn’t ask about those texts the next day so I assumed that he knew it was platonic. But when we were arguing about something afterwards, he just suddenly stopped responding to my texts. I think he finally read the text and got mad about it, but I cannot be certain. My boyfriend has been reading and ignoring all of my texts. He phone is broken and can’t receive calls right now. I apologized for the fight and told him how much he means to me and that I miss him. Its been a week and still no response. He still checks my snapchat stories so I know that he still cares, but I don’t know how to reach out to him. I don’t know if I should address the texts because that might just add to his suspicion.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi B,

      just give it space.. if he knows the guy is gay, then no thing to worry about.. if he doesnt, just explain and then go silent for a few days so he can think about it

    • B - 0

      B

      Hi Amor,

      Thank you for responding! I sent a text to explain it to him. Should I wait for him to respond after a few days or should I reach out to him?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Give him a few days to think and a chance to initiate but if he doesn’t do that after a set amount days and then you can initiate.. maybe 5 days to a week.

    • B - 0

      B

      I gave him a week, he never responded. I think my explanation just sounded like an excuse especially since it came 1.5 weeks late… I don’t know what else i can do since we are doing long distance. He’s been self-destructive lately and got sent to the ER for alcohol poisoning. I texted him to make sure he’s fine, but of course he didn’t respond. Right now I’m just processing this a break up. Is there anything I can do that will make him miss me, trust me again, and want to reach out?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      there’s nothing much but just really living your own life.. because when you keep getting better and being happy, he might realize he’s the only one hurting and being negative while you just kept living life because there’s nothing to be guilty about

  21. ANNA - 0

    ANNA

    hello!
    my story is quite long, but I would try to shorten it a little.. 3months ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me, without any valid reasons. 2weeks after he buzzed me nd said he was in a new relationship. after that I made up my mind to do the no contact rule.. exactly 2 months after he started buzzing me nd checking in on me, which I ignored. just last week he sent a video to me on Facebook saying he would be there for me no matter what. yesterday a friend of ours got talking to him via fb chat and he explained to her that he broke up with me because I cheated on him.. he said I had sex with another guy. when my friend told me this I was very disturbed, because I didn’t cheat on him nd nobody would believe me. I decided to screenshot the convo Between me nd the supposed guy that I was accused of cheating with nd send it to my ex on fb.
    my problem here is how to win him back, despite the fact that I know he has a new girl, I still love him.. it’s been 3months nd I have tried so hard to move on and it’s not working. how do I get him to believe in me once more nd date me..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,

      what did he say when you sent that message?

    • ANNA - 0

      ANNA

      after I sent the screenshots of the other guy confessing that we never had sex to my ex, he said he knew I didn’t get down with him.he was sorry about his actions. now he is asking me to be his best friend. what do I do? I can’t be best friends with him because I still have deep feelings for him despite all he has done to me.. really confused

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      At least the main problem is solved… You have a small challenge now and I think you can handle this. I want to answer you but it’s better if you just read the whole guide for an ex who is friendzoning you.
      EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

  22. Tiphy - 0

    Tiphy

    Hello I wrote in another page “The Warning Signs…” and I am about to finish a 45 day no contact with a colleague. The problem was that today I was talking to a female colleague about guys and agreeing when she said who was handsome or who wasnt plus some girl talk u know. The problem is that my ex bf was listening to the talk and he got so mad at me. He said that he didnt trust me anymore and that we could only be friends with no opportunity to come back. He thinks I was w another guy all this time we were apart or that i will cheat on him w some colleague in the future. 🙁 I dont want him to think im a wh*re. I screwed it up. Feel like giving up. I was thnking of writing a note explaining that i never cheated on him and the kind of girl I am… is that ok?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Don’t say sorry. I think a note is too intimate. A casual text is better, like just saying, “For the record I never cheated.” And then that’s it. Extend nc and just avoid any jealousy post and let him cool off.

    • Tiphy - 0

      Tiphy

      I sent the message u told me and he said he doesn’t want to talk about the topic anymore and that he has decided to be JUST friends. He also said that being friends does not mean that I can tell him about a guy I’m dating or that kind of things, any other thing is OK.
      I answered “ok bye and dont forget about the meeting tomorrow”
      he replied with a “Thank you” and that was it!
      I will extend NC for other two weeks or how long?
      Thanks for reading!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope, don’t extend nc… Reverse friendzone him.. Read it in this article: EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • Tiphy - 0

      Tiphy

      I have been friendzoning him, he felt it. But he calls me whenever he needs something related to work and when he has problems with something as we used to do. And I have to help him. It seems that when he feels that i am acting wih indifference. He starts to look for excuses to talk to me. However, he has made clear that he doesnt want to come back with me.

    • Tiphy - 0

      Tiphy

      What I think is that he wants to remain friends but having the same relationship we had as a couple because he stills texts me asking for some food or help with work… i will keep him on the friendzone … and i actually want to show that im willing to walk away …

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good.. dont give him something or do something only couples do

    • Tiphy - 0

      Tiphy

      Hi! We actually got back together four weeks ago. The first week he was very cold. The second week he started texting me more often. This week, he is acting or pretending to be jealous. He asks where i am or who i am with… He used to be jealous before and i liked it because it seemed he cared, but now i think he is just overreacting to things. I told him there is no reason for him not to trust me, but still he continues with the doubts. Thanks to the team for helping me. I will read more articles. Thanks again

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s fantastic! Thank you too Tiphy!

  23. rachel - 0

    rachel

    Hi,

    I have read and I have done everything, remove all pics of any of my guy friends. I have tried explaining, nothing has worked and it has been 2 months. It almost seems like he has believed that I have in fact cheated and made up his mind that I have cheated. He refused to see me or meet me for 2 months. At 1st it was crazy, I lost my mind and was desperate that I begged him, stalked him, went to his office, got his whereabouts from his friends etc.
    We had initially planned on a vacation which was supposed to me last week. he went without me as he didnt wana bring me. 3rd night into his vacation, he called me several times, texted me scolding me and yelling how much he hates me and how i cheated on him.
    I have started NC for 6 days now and He has been angry msging me everyday for 6 days irregardless of whether he gets a reply. Its been 2months now and he doesnt seem to be calming down or want to get back together.

    What should I do now ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel,

      ignore him.. you won’t get anything good if you talk to an angry person.

  24. Krys - 0

    Krys

    I have been dealing with trying to get my ex boyfriend back for about 9 months. I have done everything possible wrong here. I have begged pleaded got clingy had sex with him. To the point now where I am pregnant. This is my fourth child my second child with him. My other two kids he has raised with me. They even call him dad. See it all started when my mom passed away in 2014 we were very close. My ex was even close to her. It hit us both hard but I became deeply depressed. I think the depression pushed him away. However, He asked me to marry him. I said yes we planned the whole wedding. The wedding was completely paid for. my life was finally starting to come together. we took the kids to Disney world. We started to look for houses to buy with his income. I was a stay at home mom. Well one day he leaves. We were very sexual normally we had sex before he left to go out of town to chicago but come right back the same night. Well he says I’ll be back tonight and didn’t want to have sex he said he did not have enough time. He then did not come home until 5 am and it doesn’t take a genus to figure out he was cheating. He later admitted to be with a girl. So I put a GPS on his phone and two days later followed him out to a strip club. I walk in and he is flirting with a stripper. Well I decked her and then left he did not come back until bar time. When he got home I flipped out. He left and moved in with a buddy I watched him go to Chicago and back a lot on the GPS. Finally I caught him at the mall with a different stripper. He announced in front of our son and my son. I walked away i actually ended up getting a clap from the people in the food court and told to stay strong kind of embarrising but up uplifting. It was like a movie. He said that he is with her and I need to move on. I did a lot of crying and begging making him jealous with his friend. He actually tried to fight his friend and wont talk to him to this day. months go buy and my birthday rolls around. I had been doing the no contact for two weeks. He then shows up unexpectedly at my house at this point my phone had been shut off because I was a stay at home mom he left and moved out bought the house he wanted and moved some guy friends in with him. So my baby sitter couldnt tell me he was there. he sat out side waiting for me to get home. Well any who he shows Up tells me I’m a good girl and he loves me. We then try to work on things for a couple months. I did everything I rubbed his feet we went on a romantic get away a mini family vacation to the wisconsin dells that I came up with the money to take him to both. I kissed his butt. I did everything he asked. He was coming to cheer competion for my daughter. Well then one day out of the blew i looked at his phone and the stripper he cheated with was texting him. He started to get very mean to me calling me fat. All kinds of stuff. Eventually I take my son on a field trip and I expected my ex to be at my house when I got there. He wasnt instead I got a phone call saying he was done he found someone else. So I start dating but still sleeping with my ex. I didn’t want to tell him no I felt like it would make him crave sex from another woman. So anyways it has now been a few months and he is seeing this new stripper. He is taking her on dates has been for a couple months. I was still sleeping with him. I ended up pregnant he denies the baby. Says he wants nothing to do with it. I said you can have A DNA test and I’ll prove it is your baby and then will you he said he won’t do a DNA test. Its the complete opposite of how he was with our first son together he was a awesome dad and bf. Well I started to do the no contact a few weeks ago when he showed up at my house he made it seem like he wanted to get back together but now I kind of think it may have been just sex because he has now sold his house and I think I’m not postieve but is moving in with her. Him and her have definitely been spending a lot of time together. She has had her daughter around I tried doing the no contact but I keep failing because I get so emotional and end up crying and flipping out begging for us back. I think I may have messed up to bad. What do you think ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Krys,

      one good thing when you chased too much is that the change will have a big impact…but the change has to be genuine..you have to stop chasing him and start improving yourself

  25. T. - 0

    T.

    Well, my (now ex) boyfriend for about 24hs thinks I cheated on him with my ex boyfriend. The thing is my ex and I work in the same building, but I really haven’t talked to him and have barely seen him at work since I started dating my current bf (5 months ago). Today, I really really really almost desperately needed some papers signed and I knew he could get them signed faster because of his position there. So I wrote to him asking if he could do me that favour, and left the conversation on my phone. That same night I went out to dinner with my bf, but I didn’t want to tell him that in a restaurant so I decided to wait until the next day to tell him. So, at one moment I went to the bathroom and he grabbed my phone and checked my conversations, of course finding that one. And he flipped, like batshit crazy. Called me a whore and a prostitute, told me he wanted to smash my face and spit at me, that I was worthless, that I deserved to die, among other things. When he left me at my place, he pushed me out of his car and threw my phone out of the window, called me a whore and left. By that moment I was histerical and in tears, because I really didn’t do ANYTHING! No flirting, no nothing, just a work related conversation. Later that night he called me crying to tell me he would never forgive me or believe me ever again, that he loved me but we were over for good because I was a liar. Well, I’m at loss here, I mean I know it wasn’t the best move to text my ex, but I can’t understand how my bf didn’t trust me AT ALL and reacted that way! It baffles me, we always had a great relationship, this reaction makes me think of when I just met my current bf, I was also talking to my ex at the same time, when it wasn’t official with none of them, but he knew that. Maybe he resents me for that? I really don’t understand.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi T,

      send him a sincere explanation of what really happened and then let him be if he understands or not.. he important thing is you know you explained and you’re not lying

  26. Moderngal - 0

    Moderngal

    So I’ve been dating my guy (now ex for three days) for about 5 months. We have our spot spats every now and then but are completely inseparable and can’t keep our hands off of each other. Everything’s great. The other day he raises suspicions about me going on a date with another guy. Knowing that I hadn’t and didn’t have anything to hide I gave him my phone to go through. He comes across a text that I sent to my friend basically saying that I was meeting a guy for a date. The kicker is it was months back in my history and the “date” (which was really only a drink with a friend) happened before my ex and I were exclusive/boyfriend and girlfriend.

    He gets livid and when I try to explain that there’s no reason to get upset and he’s the only guy I’ve seen since our exclusivity, he breaks up with me. He’s been cheated on before in past relationships so insecurities have always been an issue. But I’ve done nothing but show added affection and love towards him throughout our relationship. Including not entertaining seeming conversation from anyone. I feel I gained his trust but now that he found this text from months ago I don’t know where we are. He seems super hurt. But nothing I say will change his reality (I cheated when I didn’t)

    I haven’t contacted him since he broke up with me a few days ago. But what evidence can I scrape up when there really isn’t anything to work with?

    Appreciate the helpful tip in regards to my situation. 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Moderngal,
      do you have common friends? maybe they can help in explaining to him. But Give it time for now, if it’s his insecurities talking , let’s hope he’ll come to his senses because you really didn’t do anything. truth will out eventually

  27. Janine - 0

    Janine

    My ex was told by some of our old coworkers that I was having an affair with one of our coworkers for 3 months into my ex and my relationship. This accusation is totally false. I had slept with this coworker once, before my ex and I were together, and I had told him about it. I was very honest with him about everything. After 30 days of NC he had contacted me wanting the truth, and after I told him he called me a liar, and that he could never forgive me. I think that he does still love me very much and is just very hurt and angry. Should I try to contact him in another 30 days and continue to defend myself? I feel like I don’t need to defend myself against false accusations from small petty people. But will he ever forgive me if he thinks I was cheating for three months? I really want to work hard at being with him again but do you think it is worth my effort, or is he too far gone?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Janine,
      You can’t be forgiven for somethung you didn’t do. If he doesn’t believe you, the problem is with himself now. If that’s the only cause for your breakup, find a proof you didn’t do it

  28. Anonymous - 0

    Anonymous

    Hi Chris, I really need your advice/Help.
    I dated my boyfriend (Now ex) For 3 years and after a while we decided to move in with each other. This worked out great for about 9 Months. Everything was seriously going great, yes we had a fights and arguments here and there but who doesn’t, right? Anyway, towards the last month of our relationship, I started going through his phone, which I never had done before. I know, I know, my fault. But I just has feeling It needed to be done. Anyway, at first I didn’t really find anything, and maybe that’s when I should have stopped, but of course I didn’t. The next few times I saw his facebook messages I saw about 2 or 3 messages he hasn’t to girls. It was nothing to fight over but it still bothered me realise he had sent THEM messages, that means he put in the effort. It upset me. But what really set me off was the last message I read the last time I checked his phone, it was to his ex. I don’t know hat he said since he deleted the message he sent to her but I did read hers. And yes, she didn’t really give him hope but it hurt me. I brought it up to him right away and he just told me to brush it off, because “These feelings come and go once in a while. They’re nothing”. How can I let that go? So I moved out.
    Sorry, for rambling but two days after we broke up I found out I was pregnant… I told him and he was happy. But we’re still not together. And his family started putting stuff into his head, telling him I cheated when I never did. I don’t known what to do. Sometimes, he blocks my number sometimes he wants to hang out, we’ve hooked up twice and I’m trying really hard to do the NC rule, but it’s hard. Help Chris. 🙁

    Reply
  29. Tinni - 0

    Tinni

    Hey Chris, I’m a 24 years old female from India. I’m with a guy for 5 years now. He left me this year his family is never going to accept me as we are from different castes. But we still remained so close. We shared everything. We even went to dates..cuddled sometimes. He used to hide me sometimes from some of his friends. I never overreacted. Few days before I saw that he had installed a dating app in his mobile. I was shattered. But I told nothing. Then he asked me one day to marry someone else as he doesn’t deserve my love. I was so hurt that I also joined a dating site. But accidentally the guy who picked me as a match was his friend. That guy sent all our conversations in the form of screenshots to my ex. To be mentioned I declared in the chat that I was single & the guy called me “dear” once formally. He also appreciated my pictures. We had some formal talk about career & all. I didn’t tell anything offensive rather than saying i was single which was true! My ex got furious. He accused me of cheating him. He said I was there to search hot boys..I was moving on..I was cheap & selfish..I didn’t love h in these years..He had known me wrong. But I wasn’t moving on Chris. He’s not taking my calls. He said it’s over. He doesn’t want to hear anything from me. He can’t trust me anymore. I want him back. How can I make him realize that I didn’t do it intentionally? Is there any chances as he’s leaving for Netherlands next month? Pleas help me Chris plz..

    Reply
  30. Irene - 0

    Irene

    Hey my boyfriend recently found old condom rappers in my trash can that we’re his condoms he and I used. Since he hasn’t been over my house in a while because I’ve been going up to his… he doesn’t remember throwing the condoms away in my trash can so now he thinks I’ve been cheating.. the condom wrappers we’re placed in a trash can I do not use I have a separate place I put my trash in how do I prove to him I never slept around. He now does not trust me and won’t talk to me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Talk about paranoid…

      You have nothing to apologize for and if I was you I would take a closer look at him and his activities…. Seriously, a lot of times cheaters will project onto other people (not saying he did just saying take a closer look.)

      Tell him once that they are his and don’t bring it up anymore.

  31. Kay - 0

    Kay

    Hey Chris!
    Me and my ex recently got back together like two months ago. We have been dating a little on and off for a year and a half. I am very determined to stop the on and off thing. I feel it causes problems in our relationship and causes trust issues and hurt, because we always seem to be fighting over things that happened when we are “off”

    Well, its always my ex breaking up with me, counselors and people that know him feel that is his way of dealing with his emotions, when it gets overwhelming or he gets hurt about something, he shut that thing out. He is like fast to leave, but even quicker to come back. I believe its his anger at the moment that causes him to break up with me, and his love for me that causes him to come back. Which me and my family and friends know that is how he is, and im planning on seeking additional counseling with him if we ever get back together to help him deal with his emotions better. Not saying every time we fight, he leaves, but sometimes he do.

    Okay, i gave him a reason to doubt me. My ex is jealous. I was always a girl that received a lot of attention from other guys, even if i did not entertain them. I think that makes him a little insecure. But my ex from 9th grade ( im now a sophomore in college) added me on a social media, and blew up my page with comments on how beautiful i was and favoriting and retweeting everything. (My ex knew about him already). My ex confronted him on social media and blocked him from my page. One day i seen he was blocked, and i didnt block him, so i unblocked him. My ex was on my page and seem i unblocked him and broke up with me because “I wanted my ex from 9th grade attention” and i really didnt.

    To mention we got back together a month later, and things have been what i call great since then. We both were very happy and we had a talk about the on and off thing ending completely because we all know how he is. Like he ready to go, but he always want to come back, because he really didnt want to leave in the first place.

    But ever since we got back together, his insecurities went up. Every guy that complimented me or showed any type of interest in me, was “my little boyfriend”. I paid it no mind because im faithful as can be. I dont care for those other guys, because my ex he is just wonderful, different, and i love him a lot. I tell him everyday that he is different, and i only want him. My family loves him also, the way he is around me. He spoils me and never let me go to bed mad, he make it known how he feel about me, and in a relationship with him, he has never been disloyal.

    One night while i was sleeping, he went through my phone and found some text messages when we were “off” for that whole month. ( he broke up with me behind that social media thing with my ex) keep in mind that when he breaks up with me, he says things like ( we are done for good, we are never getting back together, i 110% dont want this relationship anymore) so i started texting other people. so many, that i didnt save numbers and didnt know who i was talking to.

    That night he came across all of those messages, because i havent deleted it. and he woke me up accused me of cheating, and he stormed off at 4:45am. The next night he called me and said i had to make up to him. and i was okay, ill take you eat out. then a couple of days later, before the date. he broke up with me and said we should talk to other people. He told his family, my friends, my family that i cheated on him. He still follow me on social media, and he still talk about the situation with my mom and friends, and tell them he is done with me. Even on social media, he says he is done with me.

    I tried to talk to him, and tell him i didnt cheat on him we were not together, my friends also. but he insist i cheated on him and he is done with me. What do i do now?

    sorry so long

    Reply
  32. F - 0

    F

    Can’t you do a guide for guys? I’ve got an EX gf who thinks I’ve cheated even though I have not!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      I did create a website for men called Ex Girlfriend Recovery

  33. Alex - 0

    Alex

    What about males? I have an ex who Thinks I’ve cheated cause we didn’t have sex for a month or two and I have never I repeat NEVER cheated, I’ve tried to show her but she won’t even ask me, I’ve told her she could ask me anything I’ll tell her the truth but yeah she’s so insecure

    Reply
  34. Monica - 0

    Monica

    My boyfriend had to serve 20 in jail for a 3rd DWI. I was with him every court date during a time he broke up with me because I fussed at him for drinking too much. During court dates, we weren’t “together” according to him, but he would hold my hand & say I love you’s. ANYWAY, during our several month break up, I started dating & he called while I was on the date to which I said, ” I’m on a date “. Because of this, he called me a whore even though I never slept with me date…he turned out to be a player. A month after, he wanted to “try again”…so we got back together.
    He’s been extremely insecure since we’ve gotten back together because I chose to date after he broke up with me. He did , too….I took that as ok I’ll date too !
    So, we get back together, he has to go to jail & I am at every visitation day…the only person in his life who did. I know he’s insecure, so I would take a picture of myself every night, write a diary to him every evening, & talk to his Mother every day & evening so he wouldn’t think I was out partying it up. I truly felt that if he was suffering, I wouldn’t even go to eat with girl friends. I stayed at home, went to church, visited him. Ever so often he would ask if I cheated on him during that time. No. No. No I did not cheat. Didn’t even talk to my girl friends for fear they would want to take me out. I stayed in my house jail for him.
    Since then, I had to move to Alabama for a job and move in with Mom and Dad (retired Pastor)…surly he knows I REALLY won’t do anything “bad” now ( I never have done anything “bad”) While I’m here I get a frantic call from him that someone told him they saw me out at bars surrounded by men ! I WAS SHOCKED ! I didn’t and don’t while with him! When he breaks up with me and I’m single, I’ll go with friends ever so often ( during football season ).
    I’ve never ever ever cheated on him nor do I ever want to. My love and affection for him is deep and I don’t even look at other men….and certainly don’t go to bars while with him.
    What the hellokitty do I do ?

    Reply
  35. Sjain - 0

    Sjain

    Also he thinks I have cheated on him too now because of these recoccuring incidents. I told him I haven’t adn he’s like I don’t believe you.. But my conversation with my guy friend he saw were almost like we were dating.. The i miss you’s, my guy friend said hes falling more and more love with me, (i didnt say anything to taht text) but the good mornings ,good nights, it was just OVERWHELMING when i went back and re read them.

    Reply
  36. Sjain - 0

    Sjain

    Hi Chris, my situation is so complicated.. We were together 5 years, he 26, im 23. I met him at a rough time during my ex ex break up. So he caught me at a timing where I was immature and heart broken but i still really liked him. Over time I struggled though with being a good girlfriend. I lied to him abotu stupid things such as guy friends andw hat not. My actions made no sense, I did so much for him and he knew that i loved him but than I always screwed up because I was so immature. Particularly one guy best friend of mine who fell in love with me and I had a hard time letting go of him because he was so close to me. We were on and off friends 3-4 times in my relationship and i ended up lying that we werent friends and he always caught me. This time it happened last week when my boyfriend has been distant from me due ot be being busy all summer. I told him a while back i need more from him but he i guess didnt understand how serious it was. My guy best friend crept back into my life and said all the right things i wanted to hear.. except wrong guy. I lied to him YET AGAIN about it and now he said he knows im never goign to change and grow up. He said he can’t trust a word coming out of my mouth and can’t see himself marrying me or being in a relationship with me anymore. He said 4 days after we broke up that things are too fresh right now and he doesn’t wanna work it out. I told him im finally for once and for all cutting out this guy friend and anyone associated to him but he said “my guy bestfriend has won and now we can be together” THAT IS NOT TRUE THOUGH! I have no romantic feelings. He said to tell people, we broke up and we don’t know whats going to happen. If i change, he said he’ll know about it.. So what does this mean? Like he said he doesnt follow me on anything anymore, I deactivated my facebook so he doesn’t have to know where I am or what i am doing. Also so i dont have to see his stuff anymore. And that he’ll leave our fate in destinys hand. I know he is not wrong in any of this because I betrayed his trust so much. He said he knows I love him. and the feelings are there. But We broke up the moment he saw my convo with this friend on August 28-29, we officially spoke about it again on september 3 and thats when he said the whole destiny stuff. An hour later, he texted me after we ended things just to find out what i told my parents because he said his head is all over the place because last time we broke up, he didnt tell anyone anything because of the reason if we get back, he doesnt’ want his friends to judge me and this time I don’t know why he cares what I told my parents..Is it because he wants confirmation he is in the right? or because me telling them makes them know how rough our relationship was and they may never want him to be with me again? The next day he drunk called me at 3 am, I didnt pick up or called back. He cal;ed my cousin the same night and she spoke to him on September 6. He basically told her, 5 years of his life have been lost, he’s hurting and doesn’t want to speak to me right now. He doesn’t understand how someone that loves him like i do, would constantly pick another guy over him. He told her he doesn’t know what he wants right now and he feels bad for me to wait for him to figure it out. He said hes still going go out and talk to new people and if i wanna date other people I can.. Now how serious can be about this? He is well aware I am not going move on. My cousin even told him I’m going to change and use this time to be better for myself. He said he’s not ready to talk to me yet about whether we are moving on for good or not but he will when he is ready. hes been so patient for me all these years, constantly forgiving me but I never brought his trust back. I always betrayed him. I had no feelings for this guy friend but he was the one person below my bf that tried to care for me. I was naive and stupid. He was so genuine and he was part of my family. He was the most realest guy I have ever met and never did anything to betray my trust or make me question his loyalty. His time was the only thing I wasn’t getting because hes in med school & his trust concern with me was always on the line. I proved him right so many times that I am not capable of being better.. What can I do? Im not going to text him for sure from the Sept 3 to the next 30 days. I want him to know I am actively trying to grow up and focus on being better but how will he know? Was deactiving my FB the right thing to do? I deleted all his pictures from my social media.. His were still there. I was the one who took off the relationship status. As of a week after, his was still there. What is going on here Chris, Help me 🙁

    Reply
  37. Jaeliz - 0

    Jaeliz

    Hi Chris! My ex-boyfriend and I are 20 years old. We were dating for about a year and a half. He was my absolute best friend, and he constantly told me that I was the one he wanted to marry. Unfortunately, he was extremely jealous and wanted me to cut off any male friends. So, I did. He felt that I was naggy because I always wanted him to improve on himself ( encouraged him to go to college-which he now attends- or simply budget his money since he complained about not having any) Anyway, so after he started working and going to school, he seemed stressed out and attributed all the stress to me. Because he was busy, I would let him be alone on most days to get work done. So, during one week, I asked him if I could come over on a Saturday. He said that I could stay the entire weekend, so I was extremely excited ! ( On that Thursday, I ran into an old male friend who I had feelings for when I was 15 (I definitely no longer had any feelings and keep in mind this is the first time I have spoken to a male in a year and a half that aren’t one of his friends) . We sat in his parked car for a couple hours and I told my friend how madly in love I was with my ex-boyfriend. I also told him that , because I loved him so much, I was not to see my friend ever again and I was glad we were able to talk . So, I did not tell my boyfriend because I was terrified he would blow the whole thing out of proportion ( regardless, I should have). The next day, Friday, I ask my ex-boyfriend if I could come over. He says , he wants to be alone. I ask him why, and he doesn’t say. So, I become a crazy text terrorist and he just dumps me right there on text. He said that I was too emotional and he could not handle it anymore and he wanted to move on forever. So I text him the next day and he sounds like he wants to get back together and tells me that he loves me so much, but the day after he finds out that I spoke to my friend( not sure how). Anyway, he texts my mom and tells her ” I wouldn’t just break up with her for no reason! She told some guy that she likes him.” SO, now I’m confused because now it just sounds like he wanted to break up with me and needed a reason. I asked him multiple times to sit and talk with me face-to-face, but he has not replied. It’s been about 2 months since we broke up and today makes 20 days NC. The last text I sent him was explaining everything that occurred between my friend and I. No reply (20days ago). I love him, I truly do, but I’m not sure if contacting him after 30 days is worth it anymore. He is insanely stubborn and has cut off his CHEATING exs before and has never replied or contacted them after months. I did not cheat, but maybe this was a blessing is disguise? Do you think he broke up with me as an excuse? Again, I’m only 20 , so we have a lot of maturing to do, but I’m so conflicted because we were extremely compatible! If I know him well-enough, 30 days NC is not even remotely enough for him. Should I just move on?I’d really appreciate your advice!!

    Reply
  38. Tatiana - 0

    Tatiana

    Hey Chris, I have a real dilemma. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year (anniversary is actually August 26th), but two weeks ago, he got upset with me and thought I was seeing someone else. Now he has a huge history of trust issues, but besides that, we’re really good together. So, two weeks ago, my boyfriend was going through my photos (I’m not scared of him having my phone) and he tried to send a picture to himself. However, when he typed “B,” “Babe” came up and it was my ex’s old contact number. Unfortunately, I don’t clear out my contacts as much as I should because I only talk to a handful of people, but his contact was changed to his regular name because we had broken up weeks before. So long story short, he thinks that there is a “babe” other than him and wants the truth, but there is no other truth. He’s practically the only person I text and call on a daily basis. I am affectionate, I’m always trying to make plans, I’ve been with him through personal issues. If I show him my phone, he thinks that I just put some guy’s name under the disguise of a woman or something because he says he knows all the tricks. I’m not cheating, I swear on my life, but he won’t think rationally.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Sounds like you will have to do no contact to reset his thinking. He might beg for you back during no contact in which case you can take him back. He needs to trust you though, if you want to you can delete your ex from your phone etc. to make him feel better.

  39. Kendra - 0

    Kendra

    Me and my fiancé broke up last Saturday and he assumed I was cheating on him 3 times. Once when I was at the pool and seen a guy there that we knew in high school that liked me but i didn’t tell my fiancé I was going to the pool which i should have. 2nd was when my best friend came over and my fiancé left the house to do something and he assumed i slept with my best friend and i got mad and said i didn’t. 3rd time was when my “friend” made me or forced me to let him touch me but i didn’t do anything to him. Also he went out on a date with a younger girl that saturday night after we broke up that morning and basically is dating her without being “official” on Facebook. How do i get him back and well my ex fiancé is coming next week to get the rest of his stuff out of my house should i talk to him and tell him that i have evidence that i didn’t cheat on him? Should i tell him that i want to try and make things work and tell him I’m willing to change if he gives me another chance?

    Reply
  40. Emma - 0

    Emma

    He has just blocked me from Facebook, after I didn’t reply to his ‘bye’. So the only way I would be able to contact him is email or Pinterest (which he still follows me on and has a board about me). So I really have no hope do I? In all honesty, you can hit me with the bad news, I can take it. Is this relationship he’s having a rebound? I’m annoyed by his hostility and the things he said, as we seemed perfect together. I almost wish I hadnt left it 30 days. I can manage if you think I have no hope of getting him back?

    1. Should I bother? 2. Do I even have a chance? 3. Is this relationship a rebound? 4. What would I do?

    Reply
  41. Brianna - 0

    Brianna

    Hey so my situation is similar. I went to RT school and my boyfriend of 4 years was very jealous of my friendship with a guy in class. He didn’t say anything to me and it took it out on me in other ways. Finally I ended things and we were apart for 4 months. After 2 I started seeing the said classmate and my ex started seeing a girl I used to work with. In those 4 months I thought about him, but told myself the breakup was for the best. A week ago my ex came back to me, begging for me back and at this point we both were seeing other people. I was hesitant but when I finally agreed he changed his mind and decided to stay with the new girl. Now I’m crushed.. We were so happy in the first 4 years and I feel terrible that I screwed everything up. My ex keeps telling me he knows I’m still the person he’s going to marry but he needs this time with her and I don’t really understand it. Is it worth hanging on and showing him I won’t break the trust again? Or should I just move on completely?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Seems like he is stringing you along if he is telling you that he is going to marry you one day yet he is still with some other girl.

  42. Felicity - 0

    Felicity

    So I bought your book in April and followed all of the steps and within a month and a half my ex came back and said he wanted to give me a chance again after being apart for almost 8 months. He broke up with me in the end of October and the reason we broke up was because I almost cheated and got too close to another guy, however people told him I did cheat and he to this day still believes I did cheat which is devistating to me because it’s a misunderstanding that ruined my amazing relationship. His fraternity friends don’t like me and when they found out we were talking again they confronted him and said they didn’t support it and scared him of the idea of us again so he decided two weeks later that it was never going to work out but however we still had a sorority dance that he said he would come to as my date so he still did but it was weird he was friendly with me and introducing me to people as his good friend and when we would flirt and get close to kissing he would freak out and walk away for some excuse like oh I have to go to the bathroom. Anyways after that he said he had an amazing time with me and had lots of fun with me and would try and say bye before he left school to go to Europe for two months to study abroad however when I messaged him the next 3 days he ignored me and left for Europe without ever saying bye or anything and it has been two weeks now since we talked. When his friends didn’t know we were seeing each other we were happy and being intimate again and staying at his place and talking about easing people into us getting back together and go to Portland on a trip when he gets back but then once his fraternity friends found out his attitude completely changed instantly and he was distant and pushing me away and said he had a hard time telling people he was talking to me cause of the cheating and was being extremely rude to me. I know I made a mistake but him and I were engaged and so close I really thought we could work through it. People tell me he is probably confused and doesn’t know what to do and is torn especially since his friends aren’t supportive which is why he ignored me without leaving cause it was easier on him and my best bet is to give him space and not contact him and let him miss me and show him I’m not needy especially since I said everything I could have to him. Am I completely doomed on ever getting him back? Regardless I have to see him at school next year starting end of September again and he still has some of my things that he never gave back when we were seeing each other again for those two weeks and usually he would have dropped that off when he called it quits. I don’t know what else to do cause the book I bought from you didn’t cover this or get my ex back and I’m wondering as an expert what you think! Please I’m begging you to help me. He is the love of my life and best friend and am miserable without him. I beat myself up everyday that I took him for granted and messed up and just want him back. Please I know your so incredibly busy but please help me I’m desperate!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Lets start with the advice you have already implemented?

      What have you done from this article so far?

    • Felicity - 0

      Felicity

      I just can’t tell what he wants or what to do. He is so back and forth that I can’t tell if he just needs more space to figure things out. Especially since he is in Europe right now he isn’t really thinking yet about what he wants cause he is distracting himself at the bars and with partying. Everyone says to give him the summer since I will see him in October and he ends his Europe trip August 1st and then will have two whole months alone to think about what he wants while I then will be in Europe and that might make him jealous since the roles are reversed now. Any comments or thoughts? Anything will help I have read the book and basically all of your articles too. Thanks!

  43. sara - 0

    sara

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend and I were to get married this year. But he saw some texts on my phone that he counted as flirting and he thought my platonic I love you as something serious.

    I stumbled upon this site five days late. So I have begged, pleaded, apologised and done everything to convince him, including sending screen shots. But he is still so angry and said he will never get back with me and has blocked me off of all communication except texting.

    Despite me texting him, he never replies. Except when he can’t take the anger anymore he calls and yells And repeats I won’t get back with you. But he has not told any of our friends that we are not together. He only says there’s a problem. And pretends like everything is okay. But he acts different with me and tells m. Our entire relationship was me playing him.

    Please help me. I need him back in my life. I have no-one else To call family.

    Reply
  44. mandy - 0

    mandy

    thank you for this article, this is the situation I’m in & finally something about it!!
    my bf of 10 years left because he thought I cheated, I tried to repair things and he refused.
    I’ve given him space/time & now am trying to show him what he means to me so we can build a new relationship… it is so hard to overcome someone else’s fears.
    if you have any advice on how to overcome his resistance to reconnect (guessing its from a fear of getting hurt) it would be appreciated.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Hi Mandy,

      Yup, I wrote it for people just like you.

      To be honest I save my best advice for the overcoming resistance part of this article. So I would start there.

  45. Confused - 0

    Confused

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I were together for a total of 8 months, it was kind of a rocky relationship but our connection is like no other. The reason we broke up is basically the same reason as you stated above, he saw some text messages from one of my best guy friends and assumed the worst. He had always been a little insecure about that. I love this man, and I just can’t find it within myself to let him go. I’ve never connected with anyone on the same level as I connect with him. When we broke up I followed your site religiously, I did the NC, I deleted the guys number, and I constantly try to prove that I was never unfaithful. My ex and I have progressed to being friends, I mean really good friends. He calls me every morning and we fall asleep on the phone together every night. We hang out sometimes, and he always tells me he cares about me deeply as a friend. We both promised to be very honest with one another if either of us starts to talk to or see someone else, he’s told me about his ex contacting him and he’s also said he isn’t trying to look to move on. He’s my go to person, as I am his, but doing this makes it so much harder to detach myself from him. I want to be with him and it just confuses the hell out of me as to why he won’t be with me. I just don’t know what more I can do to convince him that we are meant for each other, and I don’t want to say or do anything that will jeopardize the amazing friendship we have now. I want to be there for him, and I love how he is there for me. I’m just so scared that he’s going to find something else out there and completely leave me in the dust. He gives me mixed signals all the time, and its so emotionally draining I no longer have any idea what to do. I care about him deeply, and every part of me tells me he does too, I just have no idea how to make him see that.

    Confused

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Remember, he thinks you cheated on him and that’s not the easiest thing to overcome.

      Have you tried everything in this article?

    • Confused - 0

      Confused

      everything .. he’s even said he forgives me … i just want him back 🙁

  46. Emma - 0

    Emma

    Hi Chris,

    Thanks for a great website, the advice has helped me a lot! I have sent a voice message, but I’m going out of my mind right now as to whether I shouldn’t bother trying to get my ex back. Mine is a difficult situation.

    We met online, I’m 21 and he’s 17 but he’s very mature for his age. I’m from the UK and he’s from Pennsylvania and I was due to visit him and stay with his family in July (our first time meeting in person). We would text, speak on the phone and Skype every day. He told me he’d always fight for me and he would always love me.

    His mum supported us, and I spoke to her on Skype, but when my ex asked his dad about me staying his dad was very negative. Saying ‘we wouldn’t work’, ‘don’t come crying to me when it doesn’t work’, and that because my ex is 17 ‘he doesn’t know what he wants’. But that night my ex said to me, no matter what his dad said he loved me and he would fight for us.

    2 days later I started a stupid argument because he wasn’t talking to me, and I said whoever he is talking to must be more interesting. He took this as me insinuating he was cheating on me. He ended us, as he’d already had a bad day. Eventually, after him deleting me on everything, we spoke on the phone and he said he did it because of what his dad said. He said he didn’t know what he wanted, and that he felt we might end in a few months anyway and he didn’t want the pain. He also said he isn’t good enough for me, because he might not get into college because he’s failing two classes. And then he said he was scared that when I meet him in person I wouldn’t like him. After a long discussion he said we were still together.

    The next day he told me he was sure of his decision, for us to stay together, and that night he then said he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I turned into a text gnat, begging etc, and he called me and we spoke about it on the phone and he told me to decide whether we break up or not. I decided we stay together and he said he was happy with that! We ended the call on an ‘I love you’, but then the next day he said he couldn’t do it anymore and he didnt love me. The ‘argument’ changed his feelings, and he said I dont trust him because i ‘insinuated’ he was cheating. I said, why would I go to America if I don’t trust you? And he wouldn’t answer. It was like this for the next 3 days, him saying he didnt want us to split up but he didnt love me anymore and would never love me the same. On Friday I said he was doing this because of his dad and he blocked me. I sent him a lengthy email expressing my annoyance that he was doing this because of his dad etc, and he unblocked me and asked me if I want the ring he bought me for my graduation and also promise/eternity ring. I said no and asked if he hated me. He said he ‘didnt hate me, just doesn’t love me anymore’. I reminded him of when he said he would always fight for me, and he said I was once worth fighting.

    I have since started no contact and I am on 6.5 days into it. It is very hard. We were also friends on Xbox, although now using different consoles and I noticed this morning he has deleted me, even though I haven’t tried to speak to him. I dont know whether he deleted me because 1) it brought back good memories, 2) to spite me and make me message him asking why, or 3) because he really wants nothing to do with me.

    I do want him back but I don’t know whether I’m operating on false hope. I am working on myself to be the ungettable girl, but he won’t see that after 30 days as we’re not friends on Facebook anymore either. I added him and my friend request is still pending. I am still doing No Contact and won’t message him, it’s still early days at 6 days no contact. This was our second big argument, all other times we got on so well, laughing and joking, and we had a connection unlike any other. We were inseparable. I feel like he has made this decision because of his dad but I’m unsure as there are many reasons he’s given me; what his dad said, him not being good enough, him being scared I won’t like him in person, me suggesting he was cheating on me.

    Do you think him saying he doesn’t love me anymore, and will never love me the same, were said because emotions were high from the argument? (He said it 3-6 days after the argument when I wouldn’t stop texting). Or do you think he meant them? I don’t know how someone’s feelings can change so suddenly. What is your opinion on him ending us?

    I’m sorry for the long message, but thank you for a great website. It is very interesting and helpful. I would be so grateful if you replied.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Well, at 17 you really can’t take what he says too seriously.

      A 17 year old mans feelings can change on a dime.

      Trust me on this I was once a 17 year old man.

    • Emma - 0

      Emma

      So today I finished no contact. I sent him ‘I have a confession to make…’, he replied ‘I dont care’, so I said ‘it isn’t bad’, he asked what it was and I waited one hour before replying. He sent a second text during that hour saying ‘great talk’, and I mentioned a positive memory and he said ‘I’ve moved on stop texting me’, turns out he now has a girlfriend, he said she’s a neighbour who he got in contact with when we stopped talking. He said he loves her and never loved me, called me lots of names and told me to stop messaging him. I know he said he never loved me and never cared about me to hurt me, he bought me a ring, (granted I didn’t get it but he bought one!). I am hurt that he can have moved on in 30 days and already in love! To top it off he blocked me on facebook so I have no way of communicating with him (other than email or Pinterest).

      I read your rebound article and thought maybe this is a rebound, but he said he loves her. Do you think it’s a rebound? Do you think I have a slither of a chance of shall I give up? I’m upset he’s moved on but I’m at a place where I should be able to too, my mum says I should. Please give me your opinion, 1. Is it a rebound? 2. Do I have a chance? 3. Should I move on?

      Congratulations on your baby and also on the ever growing popularity of your website, and soon to be, coaching!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Thanks for the kind words.

      Hmm.. the I have a confession text might not have been the best way to approach it unfortunately.

      I would hesitate to say your chances are completely ruined. They took a small hit but to me he still seems to be upset about the breakup.

  47. Jasmine - 0

    Jasmine

    Hard to understand mens insecurity but your this posting is helpful! It’s a good post for understanding of insecurity of men and my ex. I reminded that my ex was sometimes looked very insecure and sometimes not. So your strategy is mainly about actions not no contact or influence him subconsicouly. I want to know more about the pretty noticable sign if he wants me to show the actions to assure him or he wants me to wait and give him time or space. I haven’t cheated on him though he sometimes asked me if I have another guy when he found something difference on my looks or something. He broke up with me 3month ago and I bought your ebook and made a strategy on my own though it’s so tricky to approach to him. Because we met last week for his favor to me (to get something from me) he looked still loves me. He wanted to talk with me more he touched me and hugged me very tightly two times … But he hasn’t done any action til now. Should I make a move first? Or wait for his action?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      How long have you been doing NC for?

      I think the most notable sign for if he wants to show you with actions is the mere fact that he will continue to bug you and talk to you. He will also make up excuses to see you like what he did to you.

  48. Kay - 0

    Kay

    Hey is there any way to email you my problem. I’d like to show you things that were said so that you can get a better idea as to what happened? I’d REALLY appreciate your help.

    Thank you 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Hi Kay,

      Unfortunately I no longer do email.

      I do answer comments from time to time and I will be releasing coaching/consulting soon where I can answer much more in depth.

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