Do you ever feel like your ex is testing you and trying to get a certain reaction or response from you?
Today I’m going to help decipher the signs your ex is testing you and really what they’re thinking when they put you through certain kinds of tests.
Before we get into the kinds of tests exes do, let’s tackle another big question – why would your ex want to test you.
You see, when I decided to write this article I thought it would be prudent to not only understand the “What” but also the “How”
The Three Most Common Reasons Your Ex Might Want To Test You
In all there are three common reasons that your ex might want to test you.
- Morbid Curiosity
- The Power Trip
- Making An Important Decision
Here’s a quick crash course in how they work.
Reason # 1: Simple Morbid Curiosity
Essentially your ex gets curious as to what you’re up to or how you will react to something so they give you a test.
Reason # 2: They Go On A Power Trip
This reason is kind of like an extreme version of the last one where your ex isn’t just curious about your reaction to something, they’re going above and beyond to get a rise out of you.
This is most common in cases where an ex-boyfriend is trying to make you jealous or prove how better his life is without you, especially if you were the one who dumped him.
It’s almost a way of re-exerting power that they lost during your breakup. So, they think they’re taking back the power by shoving their new and improved life (or girlfriend) in front of you.
Reason # 3: To Make An Important Decision About You
So let’s say your ex is trying to determine whether they should trust you and get back together with you.
They’ll give you a test to measure your trust and your response will help them make a decision related to you.
Now that we kinda know the basic reasons for why an ex might test you, let’s get into the 5 most common kinds of tests and a bit about the psychology behind someone who would give you that test.
The Five Tests An Ex Could Give You After A Breakup
Now, before we dive in I feel it’s important to point out that each of the signs I am about to list aren’t from off the top of my head.
Nope, I noticed the women in our private facebook support group having trouble deciphering what their exes meant when they performed a specific action and I determined that they were tests from their exes.
So, I guess you could say that these tests have literally been “stress tested” so you know they are authentic.
Test #1: The Jealousy Test
I know I’ve already alluded to this aspect of a test in my explanation of the reasons behind why exes would give you tests but it’s honestly the most common (and easy to spot) so I’ll repeat myself.
A jealousy test is essentially where an ex will try to make you jealous on purpose to see how you will respond.
There could be any real number of reasons for why they give you this test. Some exes will simply want to brag about how great their life is without you. Here’s the thing though – if their life was truly that great without you, why do they feel the need to show it to you as if they have something to prove?
Then of course we have those insecure exes who want to make you jealous because they feel like it’s the only way to get your attention. So they’ll say something obnoxiously obvious like a text message saying “hey, I can’t talk to you right now I’m on a date” to get your attention. Such messages are basically cries for help.
So how do you tell which psychology your ex has during the jealousy test?
The best way to determine whether your ex is just trying to rub your face in it or whether they’re trying to get your attention is how obvious the jealousy is.
Now the example I gave before about your ex sending a super obvious “hey I’m on a date right now” text is a classic desperate sign of jealousy where they’re consciously trying to rub your face in it.
On the other hand, if your ex is throwing some subtle hints of jealousy by uploading social media pictures with their arm around some girl, you can tell that it’s a more passive declaration of war. He doesn’t want to rub your face in it so he tastefully shares pictures that he knows would get a rise from you in some way.
Test #2: The Ignore Test
I see this rule as an immature extension of the no contact rule.
If you don’t know what that is… you’re missing out.
If you look through my website, listen to any of my podcasts, or watch my youtube videos, you’ll know that I’m a huge proponent of the no contact rule.
The no contact rule is basically one of the most effective strategies of building a foundation to get your ex back or to get over them.
You can enact a no contact rule for a specific period where you ignore your ex and focus on yourself instead.
Now, the no contact rule is pretty popular among all my peers but one major area where I distinguish myself is by telling you that its okay to reach out to your ex first after a no contact rule… as long as you control and end the conversation.
Some stubborn exes take the no contact rule as an offense against their person so when you reach out to them after it, they will not respond to you. It won’t matter how well-crafted your hook message is or what the topic of conversation is because they’ve decided to be petty and ignore you.
If you reach out and get no response a couple of times, it’s a test. It’s your ex’s way of expressing how upset they are that you used the no contact rule on them.
The best thing to do in the face of this test is… to wait it out.
Eventually, your ex will get curious about your life and give up so it’s basically a game of chicken to see who can hold out the longest. Here’s a protip though: whatever happens, don’t negatively confront your ex about this test or they’ll just get defensive and double down on ignoring you.
Test #3: The Sex Test
Okay, now this one is pretty interesting because it has different connotations on whether it comes from a man or a woman.
Let’s first talk about how the sex test is usually done and then go into the WHY of men versus women choose to do it.
Okay so here’s how the sex test works.
You and your ex are talking back and forth and things seem to be going extremely well. When all of a sudden you begin to flirt a little bit and your ex tries to turn the conversation sexual. Eventually, you reciprocate this, and then every time you talk, it somehow ends up turning sexual in some way.
Men do this test because they want to see if you’re open to sleeping with them again so they can enjoy a friends with benefits situation. Now as shallow and obvious as that may seem, a lot of women fall for it because they incorrectly assume that they absolutely have to have sex with their ex to get him back.
Women will often see having sex with their ex as this final act that might push their exes to commit and that’s almost NEVER the case. I always tell this to my clients but unfortunately, a lot of them end up in a friends with benefits situation and regret not taking my advice.
On the other end, women give their ex-boyfriends the sex test to see if the guy only wants sex. They’ll make a flirty comment so they can gauge whether their ex starts paying more attention to the sexual side of the conversation than anything else.
So, both genders can do the same thing but for very different reasons.
Test #4: The Emotional Support Test
The emotional support test is essentially when your ex opens up to you in a very emotional way seeking emotional support from you.
Now the key to this test is looking at the timing of when your ex opens up because it can mean different things if it’s early on in the breakup or after a few months of talking back and forth.
If your ex does this immediately after a breakup or after you ended the no contact rule, it probably means that they liked the emotional you provided while you were in the relationship but they still want to play the field to get physical benefits from someone else.
However, if it’s been three or four months since you’ve been talking again and they suddenly open up to you, asking for emotional support, it could mean that they’re testing the waters to see if they can trust you again. This is a great sign because it means that your ex is missing the best emotional parts of his relationship with you and might want to get back together if he still feels the same emotional comfort from you.
So my best rule in facing this test is to be super aware of the timing and react accordingly. If it’s early on, you can offer some moderate emotional support but don’t go too overboard. But if it’s after a few months, you should go above and beyond so he can start seeing you as a strong permanent emotional support again.
Test #5: The Career Test
Now, to be completely honest, this kind of test is typically more relevant for men than it is for women, but I think it’s still important to know in the grand scheme of things.
So this test is usually done if an ex was not doing too well career-wise and that was one of the main issues in a breakup. After all, no one really wants to be in a relationship with someone who has no career aspirations or financial stability.
So for this test, one can slide general questions about life into a conversation to fish for what their ex’s career aspirations are and if they’ve been able to get a handle on their money.
This test is also one of the big reasons I always tell men and women to focus on their holy trinity of life after a breakup – health, wealth, and other relationships. Now usually men and women are both pretty good at improving their health, and women take the cake in building up other relationships with friends and family. However, almost everyone fails to properly focus on the wealth aspect.
This is even worse considering how the best way to get someone back is to get into a mindset of letting go of them because you are focusing on something else that matters to you more.
Throwing yourself into your career is a great way to improve the wealth aspect of your life and get over your ex while proving yourself too!
Your ex may test you because he’s just curious, on a power trip, or he’s trying to make a big decision involving you. Either way, here are the top 5 tests to look out for:
- The jealousy test
- The ignore test
- The sex test
- The emotional support test
- The career test