Resistance if futile!
In this episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast we explore exactly what you have to do to overcome your exes resistance when it comes to getting back together with you.
Our question today is from Shannon a 19 year old woman who is desperately wondering what she can do to get back with her ex boyfriend who is in the army.
Here is a quick recap of her situation,
- He told her he wanted to be with her and then stood her up on a date.
- She obviously got mad about being stood up and the two of them got into a massive argument.
- A breakup occurred.
- They haven’t talked in a month.
- Her ex is in the Army and is about to be deployed and she wonders how she can overcome his resistance to get him back.
Now, in this episode I strayed from the normal episode format.
Avid listeners of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast know that the way the episodes usually work is I go over general knowledge of how to get your ex back first and then I dive right into the game plan for the specific question that was asked.
Well, with this episode I dived right in to the game plan portion.
Things Talked About In This Episode
- What separates the good couples from the great ones
- Age and inexperience (19 – 21 years old)
- Being his top priority
- House of Cards Season 3
- Capturing his interest and keeping it
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
The Game Plan For How To Overcome Your Exes Resistance
The game plan for this episode revolves around my fascination with House of Cards or more particularly how I prioritized it above everything on February 27th.
If you can become your ex boyfriends top priority over everything else in his life then you hold not only the key to getting him back but you hold the key to a long lasting relationship.
So, the game plan for overcoming any mans Resistance is the same.
Become a mans top priority,
Make Him Experience Positive Emotions
This is ideal for women who are great at texting and talking on the phone. Make him associate the positive emotions he gets with you. If you do that then you will have take a big step forward towards getting him back.
One of the reasons that I enjoy house of cards is because it is interesting to me. It fascinates me and I really think in order for a man to be fascinated with a woman he has to find her interesting. She has to have interesting things to say and she has to have an interesting life.
Higher Self Esteem (UG)
Need I say more?
A Newness Factor
Men do like new things..
Understand this and make it work to your advantage with the next step of the game plan.
Making Him Wait
A period of NC is ideal for creating a newness factor and creating the right amount of tension that will make him want to see you even more.
Watch House of Cards
I just put this in here for fun.
But seriously you should watch it!
Welcome to Episode 11 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I’m really excited to have you here today. We’re going to hear from a woman named Shannon. She’s going to ask a question about her boyfriend who is in the Army.
I was kind of split to make this episode about ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands in the Army and how to get them back. I decided to make it about resistance instead, and the resistance you face when trying to get an ex-boyfriend back.
Those of you who are avid listeners to the show may know that, in Episode 10, I promised that I would be back the very next day for Episode 11. It’s been three days since Episode 10 has been released. I hadn’t released anything in that time frame. That’s the longest I’ve gone without releasing something.
There’s a reason for that. The new season of House of Cards, Season 3 on Netflix just came out. I literally binge-watched it. It took pretty much everything out of me. I watched it all in one day. I went crazy with it. I loved every moment of it. That’s why I wasn’t recording. Feel free to yell at me. That’s my excuse for not recording Episode 11 until Monday, March 2nd.
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty and hear from Shannon:
“Hi, Chris.” My name is Shannon. I’m 19 years old. My ex-boyfriend is in the Army. I think there is some sort of resistance with him wanting to be with me because, a month ago, he told me that he wanted to be with me, he missed me and he wanted to see me. When the weekend came to see me, he didn’t make the effort to see me.
Then I got mad, which resulted in a fight. We haven’t spoken for a month. Part of that reason is because he is in training and he can’t have his cell phone. I think what is scaring him most is that he is going to get deployed. I don’t know if he doesn’t want to be tied down while he is home for these next few months.
He’s being deployed in July. I don’t know. How can I get past his resistance of not wanting to be with me because he’s going to get deployed? I’ve told him many times before that I’m going to be loyal. I’ll be faithful to him. Thank you.”
Thanks, Shannon, for calling in. I’m really glad that you called in. I know that you’ve been bugging me for a little bit about trying to get this episode up and running. I’m really sorry that I wasn’t able to get it out live faster. I’m really focused on helping you out and hopefully getting your ex back.
This episode is going to be a little bit different than the ones that you’re used to. Instead, I’m going to go right into the game plan for Shannon. Don’t worry if you were looking forward to general information that you can apply to your ex. What I’m about to talk to you about here is something that you can apply to your ex in any situation you can think of.
What I’m going to talk about is overcoming resistance. When we look at Shannon’s situation as a whole, she’s 19 years old. She didn’t tell us how old her ex was. I’m assuming he’s within that same age range. He’s probably 19, 20 or 21. One month ago, he said that he wanted to be with her. They set up some kind of date and he essentially stood her up. He did not show up. She got angry. A fight started.
After the fight, they haven’t spoken for a month. Technically, it’s almost like an enforced no contact rule that Shannon has put in place. I think it’s due to her and her ex’s stubbornness. It’s like they’re in the middle of a standoff, waiting to see who is going to contact who first. Whoever contacts the other person first loses the standoff. Even though it’s a dumb way to approach it, I’ll talk about that in a second.
He hasn’t spoken to her in a month. She thinks it’s because of the cell phone. I’m not sure I entirely buy that. It’s probably been a little bit later than a month. Honestly, I think he’s waiting for her to contact him first. He’s scared. Her boyfriend who is in the Army is going to get deployed. I imagine at 19, 20 or 21, he’s very frightened of that. He has every right to be frightened.
Shannon also noted that her ex-boyfriend might be a little afraid to get tied down because of this reason. He’s back home now but he’s about to get deployed. She’s assuming that he’s resisting her because he doesn’t want anything that’s going to tie him down back in the States when he goes overseas and puts himself in harm’s way. Then it will hurt him emotionally. It will hurt the person emotionally who is waiting for him back home. That’s what Shannon is assuming. We’re going to talk a little bit about that.
The first thing I want to talk about is fighting. At that age, young people take fights very personally. They should. They’re still learning how relationships work. Fights are very harmful to your emotional being. Where inexperience comes in here is that they don’t know how to handle after the fight. They hold grudges. They don’t understand that people have disagreements. You’re not going to agree on every single thing as a couple. You’re going to get in fights. What really separates the good couples from the great couples is the ability to handle these fights.
You need to communicate. You need to say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean what I said when I said that mean thing to you. It really hurts me that we got into this fight. I just want to move past this.” Say that to your partner. Your partner needs to believe it. Most importantly, both partners need to do this rather than holding a grudge.
Clearly, Shannon and her ex-boyfriend got into a fight, and that’s what caused their breakup. That’s a very common thing that happens. Fights cause breakups. That’s common knowledge. Where I think Shannon went wrong is not even her fault. Her ex-boyfriend and she are young. She’s 19. He’s probably around the same age. They just haven’t had enough experience perhaps to handle after the fights.
Understand that this was not a personal thing. This was just a heat-of-the-moment thing. Let’s just drop it. Let’s move on. Let’s not fight over the same thing again. Let’s not rehash arguments. The ability to push that aside comes with experience, in my opinion.
When I was 19, 20 and 21, anytime I got into a disagreement with anyone, it was a personal thing. I thought they were attacking me personally. I would turn into an attack dog and attack them back. I would say hurtful things to them. I can remember my brother and me getting into fights. I can remember my father and me getting into fights and my mother and me getting into fights. I got into fights with my significant other at 19. It was a bad habit to fall into.
As I gained more experience dealing with not just relationships but people in general, I understood and learned that people say things in the heat of the moment. You can’t hold it against them. You’re going to say things in the heat of the moment. You can’t hold it against yourself. The other person can’t hold it against you. You need to take what happened and move on. Keep building on that relationship.
A few episodes ago, I talked about how to look at a relationship. You need to look at a relationship as a bank account. You need to be putting positive experiences into that bank account. Every time you have a fight, you take positive experiences away from the bank account. If you’re having negative fights over and over, the bank account balance is going to go into the negative. You do not want that. That’s when breakups occur.
Shannon, if you do get back with your ex-boyfriend, work on this. Work on the fighting ability. Work on not holding this grudge with each other. I don’t just want you to get your ex back. I want you to get him back and keep him. That’s what we’re all about here at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. We’re not just about getting an ex back. We’re about sustaining that long-term relationship and creating a bond that could potentially last a lifetime.
Now let’s turn our attention to what we’re really here to talk about. That is overcoming resistance. What I’m about to tell you is not super complicated. I’m going to tell you how to overcome resistance. You’re going to roll your eyes and say, “That’s easy.” But when it comes down to actually doing it, it’s not easy.
When it comes to overcoming resistance, you’re looking at things like becoming the un-gettable girl, doing the no contact rule and all of the basic things that I teach on the site. What I don’t make a big enough deal about on the site that I’m going to make a huge deal about here is positioning yourself where you are your ex’s top priority.
What does that look like? At the beginning of this episode, I told you, “I promised in Episode 10 that I was going to come back the very next day and post Episode 11.” That didn’t happen. Why? Because it was not my top priority. Do you remember what my top priority was? It was House of Cards. I was looking forward to House of Cards for an entire year.
I remember back in May of last year watching Season 2 and being obsessed with it. I couldn’t wait for the next season to come out. When it did come out on February 27th, I became obsessed. I dropped everything and binge-watched the whole thing. It took me 13 hours, one day, not even a break. It was one episode after the other. This show was my top priority.
I really had to do work. When I came back to work today, I had 300 comments from Ex-Boyfriend Recovery alone. I had hundreds of emails. I have another site called Ex-Girlfriend Recovery that had over 80 comments. That’s about 500 comments right there. There were 500 people asking me questions because I took that one day off to watch House of Cards. For once, these websites that I’m working on weren’t my top priority. It shifted to House of Cards.
You need to become your ex-boyfriend’s House of Cards, Shannon. If you are his House of Cards, you will be his top priority. He will call you. He will become obsessed with you. That’s the way it works.
You’re sitting there wondering, “How do I become his top priority?” There are a number of ways to do it. When you look at House of Cards, what’s the thing that made me so interested in it? There are a number of things that you can look at. It makes me feel positive emotions inside. I associate positive emotions with it.
When it was coming on, I couldn’t wait. I was excited because I knew that it was a quality show. I knew that I was invested in the characters. I knew that I absolutely love how Frank Underwood acts. Season 3, towards the end, not so much. I didn’t like how he acted.
But, coming into Season 3 and that day where I knew House of Cards was coming out, I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t wait to see what happened next. It was an incredible story. It’s as simple as that. It made me feel positive emotions. It made me feel something inside. I value that. I value the feelings I get when I watch that show.
You really need to do that with your ex-boyfriend. You need to bring out positive emotions within him. Positive emotions within him will cause him to value you higher.
Let’s look at what House of Cards made me feel to make it my top priority. It’s interesting. It fascinates me. It’s a very interesting narrative on Washington today. I like things that make me think. I like things that make me smarter. I feel that watching the show made me smarter. That’s a weird thing to say because it’s a fictional show. It kind of gives you an idea of how Washington, DC works and how politics works. You have to give something up to get something. It’s interesting to me. It fascinates me.
You need to do that with your ex-boyfriend. You need to interest him. You need to fascinate him. You need to become the un-gettable girl for him. I’ll link to an article about the un-gettable girl in the show notes of Episode 11 here. You can’t just be the un-gettable girl. You need to have interesting things to say. You need to have interesting stories to tell.
You really have to think hard about these interesting things that you tell your ex-boyfriend. It’s such a small window of time that you have to get him back. You need to make the most of that time. Prepare interesting stories ahead of time for your ex. Prepare interesting things to say ahead of time for your ex when you’re going to contact him, Shannon. That’s really important. You need to become his top priority. Being interesting is essential to being that top priority.
I will not lie. Another reason that I was interested in House of Cards is that it was a new season. There was a newness factor to it. When you’re dealing with your ex-boyfriend, you’re obviously not going to be a new girlfriend. You’re not going to have the excitement that a new girlfriend has. But you can make this work to your advantage with what I’m about to tell you next.
When I was watching House of Cards, the thing that really ramped up the most tension was the fact that I had to wait so long for it to come out. It took a year before it came out. After I finished Season 3, all I could think was, “Man, I have to wait another entire year.” I was depressed for a while. I remember my wife came home. She kept saying, “What’s wrong? You look so sad?” I told her, “I have to wait a whole year for a new season to come out. I don’t want to wait a year. I want it now.” The idea of waiting comes into play here. That’s where the no contact rule is essential. You can create that tension.
You create the tension beforehand with the no contact rule. You work to bring out positive emotions within your ex. You work to become the most interesting thing that your ex-boyfriend has ever experienced in the world. That is how you become his top priority, Shannon. That’s what you need to do. He’ll contact you if you do that. He’ll become obsessed with you if you do that. If you become your ex-boyfriend’s top priority, he will want you back. He will ask for you to be his girlfriend again.
If you are his top priority, it’s as simple as that. I remember back when I was dating my wife. She was top priority number one all the time. If she called and had a problem, I would drop everything. It’s still that way. If she calls and has a problem, I will drop everything and come to her aid. It’s as simple as that. Even if I’m doing something very important, I will drop everything and come to her aid.
The best example is when I’m on the phone talking to my dad. I used to live with my parents a few years ago, and then I moved in with my wife. I didn’t just move in with my wife. I had to move across the country from Texas to Pennsylvania to move in with my wife. We have an apartment together and it’s great. We’re a married newlywed couple. Everything is happy.
I don’t get to see my parents or my family that often. When they call, I cherish that moment. But they’re not my top priority. My wife is my top priority. My parents and siblings are a top priority, too. I prioritize my wife a little bit above them. Anytime I’m on the phone with my dad, it’s great. I love it. I love talking to my dad.
He’s probably my best friend, not including my wife, of course. I cherish those moments that I have talking to him. But when my wife calls and I know it’s for a serious reason, I would hang up on my dad and say, “Hey, I need to go. I need to talk to Jenn, my wife.” I would hang up and talk to Jenn. I prioritize her highly.
You need to become that for your ex-boyfriend. You need to be his priority number one. That is your priority number one. If you do that, then the world is yours. He is yours. You will literally have him wrapped around your finger.
If you want a step-by-step guide to how to do this, I can’t go everything you need to know in this 20 minute episode. If you need a step-by-step guide, pick up my book, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. It goes from start to finish, A to Z, on how to become his top priority.
Shannon, in the show notes of this episode, I’m going to create the game plan for you. It’s going to be general. It’s not going to be as specific as you need it to be. I understand this. That’s because I can’t go into all the complexities and details that are required for you to become your ex’s top priority.
But if you read the site and pick up the book, you will find out what to do. You will find out the complex methods that it takes to become his priority number one, his House of Cards.
Thanks for listening to Episode 11, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Nation. I really appreciate it. Please leave a review and subscribe to this podcast. I need it from you. Thank you so much for listening.