By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 24th, 2021

Reconnecting with an ex after a breakup is always an interesting topic.

One I feel often gets overlooked in favor of the bigger buzzwords out there.

However, it’s important to not overlook the reconnecting process.

Today I’m going to show you five recommended ways that you should be implementing to reconnect with your ex and I’m even going to take it a step further by explaining the overall strategy you should be using for maximum success.

Are you ready?

Let’s begin!

How To Reconnect With Your Ex

I’ve decided to divide this article up into three distinct parts with each part covering an essential part of the reconnecting process.

  1. The first part is going to talk about the vehicles of communication
  2. The second part is going to talk about moving up the communication ladder
  3. The third part is going to talk about establishing excitement and rapport throughout your ascent

By the end of this article it’s my intention that you’ll have a foundation to build upon for your own specific situation with your ex.

Ok, enough talk.

Let’s get to it!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Part #1: The Vehicles Of Communication

Generally speaking when you start looking about how to reconnect with an ex there are a lot of ways you can communicate with them.

However, if you want to generalize then I’d say there are five primary ways that you can have a conversation with them.

  1. Social Media (Indirectly)
  2. Texting
  3. Phone Calls
  4. Skype, Facetime, Etc.
  5. Seeing You In Person

Let’s take a moment to talk about the correct way to use each of these vehicles of communication.

Vehicle #1: Social Media

Social media is often overlooked when it comes to talking to an ex.

However, that’s likely because most of the people I’ve worked with lack the creativity to think outside the box.

What do I mean by that?

Quite simply, they literally think they need to start communicating with their ex through social media.

This is wrong.

Social media is best used indirectly

One thing that research continually shows that when you go through a breakup you are going to be paying attention to your exes social media profiles.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

We don’t do this to “stalk our exes” but rather curiosity gets the better of us and we can’t not look.

If you understand this basic fact then you can actually use it to your advantage.

If your ex is going to be looking at your social media profiles why don’t you craft the ideal image you’d like him or her to see?

The goal here is to literally make them want to be around you without you even saying anything.

Vehicle #2: Texting

There isn’t too much to expand on here.

This is all I will say about texting.

It’s our most common form of communication

In fact, it’s such a common form of communication in our relationships I’ve even written an entire book on it.

Therefore, it’s your ideal entry point to start a thread of communication with your ex so it’s arguably one of the most important vehicles to keep in mind.

That’s all I’m going to say for now.

I don’t want to get too deep here because I have very specific rules on how I believe you should text.

Vehicle #3: Phone Calls

I grew up in the generation where you still had to talk to people on the phone if you wanted to go out on a date.

Texting had just become a thing but it wasn’t as popular or as easy as it is now.

In fact, I still remember T-9 Word on my flip phone when it came to texting,

If you don’t get that reference then that makes me sad….

Anyways, back in the day you had to call someone to get to know them.

That doesn’t really happen so much anymore now-a-days. However, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a place for it.

In part two of this article I’m going to show you its place.

Vehicle #4: Skype, Facetime, Etc

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

As I’ve worked with clients I’ve personally noticed that phone calls don’t happen so much anymore.

Instead, people are doing video chat.

  1. Skype
  2. Facetime
  3. Facebook
  4. Google Hangouts

I actually like this trend a lot because it allows you to enact another of the five senses.

You see, with phone calls you only get to engage sound.

What you can hear.

However, with video chat you get to engage sight and sound.

Which makes it a great way to reconnect with your ex.

Assuming certain things happen first (which I’ll talk about in a moment.)

Vehicle #5: Talking In Person

Do I really have to explain this one?

Any time you see your ex in person that would be considered to be in this vehicle.

It’s not rocket science.

And quite frankly I’m getting bored talking about very basic things like what a “vehicle of communication is.”

What do you say we kick things up a notch and talk about how to actually reconnect with your ex.

Part #2: Moving Up The Communication Ladder

Consider for a moment the idea of the vehicles of communication.

If you really think about it you only communicate with people in a certain way.

Usually it looks something like this,

Now, the biggest mistake I see my clients making time and time again is going too fast too soon.

It’s actually really easy to understand why.

You see, if you are dating someone then you are technically at the top of the ladder. However, when you go through a breakup you don’t retain the right to be at the top of the ladder.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

It becomes more difficult to sink your teeth into seeing your ex in person.

They don’t want to see you…

They don’t want to hear from you…

You get the picture.

You can’t just expect to reconnect with them at the top of the ladder here,

Instead, what you’re going to want to do is work your way up the ladder.

Like this,

In a weird way it’s kind of like someone has pushed a giant reset button and you have to start over from square one.

Now, I know you may be skeptical about this approach but I can tell you that from working with hundreds of clients this approach really does work best when you are looking to reconnect with an ex.

Of course, I’m still leaving a pretty big question on the table here.

How do you move up the ladder?

Part #3: Establish Excitement And Rapport Throughout Your Ascent

A few weeks ago I posted a video on my YouTube Channel,

In it I talk about a pretty radical new concept where I recommend you use the following progression throughout your communication with your ex,

I’m bringing this up not to overload you with information but to rather explain how you should be moving up the ladder.

Think of it like this,

If you want to ascend up the latter and properly reconnect with your ex you are going to have to build rapport and excitement and give them a reason to want to talk to you on some of the most personal vehicles.

In this article I talked about the Battle of the Bulge in World War Two and how much of a grind it was.

Properly reconnecting with your ex is a little like that.

It’s a grind and it’s not meant to be easy.

Let’s summarize everything we’ve learned today.


I had a blast writing this article and think I covered some relatively advanced topics that may be a tad confusing at first.

However, I’m always here.

One look at my articles and you can see I respond to every comment personally and try my best to provide an in-depth answer to what you are asking. So, don’t hesitate to ask me a question if anything confuses you about what I was talking about.

Here’s a quick summary of everything we’ve talked about today,

  • There are five primary vehicles of reconnection with your ex
  • Indirect social media
  • Text messages
  • Phone calls
  • Video chat
  • In person interactions
  • These five vehicles form a ladder
  • We communicate with people differently based on our relationships to them
  • A big mistake people make when trying to reconnect with their ex is starting at the top of the ladder
  • Instead, you should aim to work your way from the bottom to the top
  • In order to do that you need to provide excitement and rapport throughout your ascent

And that’s how you reconnect successfully with an ex.

What to Read Next

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

12 thoughts on “Reconnecting With Your Ex”

  1. Grace

    June 8, 2021 at 12:14 am

    I’m approaching the end of NC and was planning on initiating contact after NC was over, however I’m unsure what to do. My ex and I are both invited to a mutual friend’s event just days before the end of my NC. There will be around 7/8 other people there, so I can probably get through the night on limited contact, and it’s just a casual social gathering, so it’s not like there’s any pressure on the two of us. I just don’t know whether I should try to get through the night on limited contact, being very UG and then continue NC to the end afterwards, or do I end NC a few days early, and try to build some value with a few text interactions before we have to see each other so, although I would still keep a subtle distance throughout the night anyway, it would be less awkward? It’s difficult because I know it would be ending NC early and skipping steps of the value ladder by jumping from text to meet ups, but it’s not a one-on-one meet up, trying to call as well as text before the event would be forcing too much interaction and value in such a short space of time, and after the event, I would continue back up the ladder from texting upwards. I’m just scared if I stay in NC through this event and to the end, it will be harmful to my NC efforts because there’s the chance it could all go wrong by him trying to interact with me throughout but me being in NC still. Basically, what I’m asking is how should I deal with this event and what is the best move? For context, he has tried to contact me over NC, but apparently he’s now just giving me the space I need. He still asks mutual friends about me and interacts with my social medias. I am in my final week of NC.

  2. Ania

    January 11, 2021 at 6:42 pm


    My boyfriend of nearly a year broke it off initially saying he we needed breather or to be just friends. I did not protest. We ended amicably with him messeging me 2 qeels after break up to apologise and offered meet up as friends. I responded politely and said perhaps at aome point and stopped any further contact for a month. He has not reched out again. I messaged after nc just to ask how he is and he responded positively and we chatted for the next 2 days a little (he was chatty only about himself and didn’t ask me anything,not even how I was and took him quite long at times to respond). I then responded to his instagram story offering a friendly walk and talk to anybody affected by covid rules,that actualy I’d like that to which he responded after nearly 2 days saying that ‘we will do soon’. I then reched out again 4 days later with legitimate reason (i was using his insta still) and tried to stary convo about the series he recomended me to watch some time ago. He again responded positively but not followed up the series chat. I then reched out on 2 more occassions (4 in total, after 3 days 3rd contact and a week later the 4th),again positive response,but not catchin up on a longer chat. My qiestion is. Should I now stop reaching out to see if he does? He has not initiated any contact at all apart of the initial apology txt 2 weeks after break up,he is happy enought to respond to me but I am definitely not on a top of prioroty list.

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 19, 2021 at 11:34 pm

      Hi Ania, I would suggest that you keep reaching out, but not in the same patterns, read some texting articles and about the push and pull theory to help you draw your ex in.

  3. Xx

    November 3, 2020 at 10:33 pm

    Me and my boyfriend were together for 2 and half years before he broke up with me. We were 17 when we started dating and are now 19. We had a long distance relationship but made a lot of time to see eachother. We lived together for the first time this summer for three months and were doing well but he started to distance himself for me. Because of this we became frustrated and argued and never worked to fix the problem. He said that he needed time, didn’t know what he wanted, didn’t see a future with me anymore. I became a little gnatty before and after the breakup. I did attempt a no contact and he reached out to me with an emotional topic not about our relationship that I needed to respond to. We began talking after that and were having good conversations and he said he still cares about me more than I know and that he is glad that we are still talking and that he’s glad I am working on nyself, but wants to be friends. We were very serious about our relationship and were both very set on what we wanted together and were talking about marriage shortly before we broke up. He is still insistent on only being friends and told me to move on despite that he thinks we should have tried harder when things went bad. I would like to be out of the friend zone and start to build a relationship with him. I have gone through another short no contact after he rejected me. I did a few days of first contact messages, skipped talking a few days, and ended conversations first. I used damsel in distress, stories and pattern interrupt messages. We have done a good job of small talk, and have shared facts, opinions and some feelings but not about our relationship. We have been texting only and sending picture messages. I am trying to be very careful with my accent up the value ladder because of my history of gnatting. He seems very hot and cold. He will seem very happy to talk to me but sometimes leaves me on read, and doesn’t reach out first anymore. I believe that even if he has feelings for me, he will hide them because he is very stubborn and thinks he has his mind set and can’t “be all in” with me anymore. How can I continue to build attraction and become closer with him without pushing too hard? How do I make him see that being in a relationship with me again would be a good choice? I am very close with his family and talk to them quite often so i am in his sphere of influence. I am just thinking that I am going to have a hard time changing his mind and making him commit to me again. Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 4, 2020 at 7:54 pm

      Hey Xx, you need to understand that you need to give your ex some space right now as he feels that he doesn’t want to be with you – let him experience life without you in it. Follow the rules of No Contact, spend some time working on yourself, spend time with friends and family and focus on becoming the best version of yourself before it is time to reach out to your ex for the first time. There are many articles here about being Ungettable, these are essential to getting your ex to view you in a different light and make them think they made a mistake.

  4. Dido

    November 13, 2018 at 11:20 am

    Me and my fiancé broke up 3 years ago. We were together for 9 years. Things went wrong and there is lot of misunderstanding, wrong time … We are in a long distances relationship.we didn’t met for breakup. Everything was by phone in a moment of anger.i don’t even remember .he just left me. I did all , he refused to talk .I have no way to contact him he is on another far country. I tried the NC so many times…. now w talk every day he tells me that the only woman that he cares about and the feeling he has for me are special.i don’t know how to deal with that. By the way I have so much anger , every time he told me something I lose my mind and I told him that he ruined me and he don’t understand me, .but he keeps begging why I’m saying that!? And he loves me ..he don’t mention that we were engaged .he drives me crazy and I love him .3 years and I can’t stop thinking about him

  5. sam

    November 6, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    I saw his friends walking into the grocery store last night and so I turned around and left because I didn’t know what to say to them if we bumped into each other. I ended up not texting him last night because of it. Do you think waiting a few more days will do any harm?

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 6, 2018 at 10:28 pm

      Hi Sam!

      Yeah….things like that happen. But next time, just go about your business. Be happy and smile and if the subject comes up, just smile and say its best you not get into all that.

      Waiting a few days is fine!

  6. Sam

    November 5, 2018 at 8:20 pm

    I’m breaking my no contact today. Any words of encouragement or last minute advice? I’ve read all of your articles and listened to all of the podcasts.

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 5, 2018 at 8:58 pm

      Hey Sam…just follow the advice I offer in my eBooks and articles as to next steps…specifically the construction of your initial contact message.

  7. Sarah

    October 16, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex boyfriend seems to be having a “quarter life crisis.” He’s being very indecisive in every aspect of his life, he wants to go back and finish school but hasn’t because he doesn’t know what he wants to do, and most importantly broke up with me because he doesn’t know what he wants (he’s 24 and I’m 26). Add to this the baggage of his parents terrible divorce that involved cheating and my ex is running away scared!

    We were together for a year and he freaks out whenever it starts to get more serious. He told me he loves me and I have no doubt about that. But he broke up with me because he “doesn’t trust himself” to stop having doubts and to stop jerking me around in the relationship.

    We were long distance for 6 months and then I moved to be near him. The week I moved here, he injured himself and lost his job. I supported him for 4 months and we lived together for a total of 6 months. Looking back I realize I probably scared him accidentally by talking too much about the future. But we love each other and had an absolutely wonderful relationship before the sudden breakup! The breakup happened 3 days ago and I’m starting no contact today. Any other advice with this complicated situation? I’m desperate to get him back, he’s everything to me! Thank you!

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 17, 2018 at 1:13 am

      Hi Sarah!

      That’s an interesting way of putting it…a quarter life crisis! Some guys do have attachment issues. I think he will have a wake up call during the no contact process you are starting. I wrote a 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” that you might want to take a look at that goes into every angle in quite some detail.