Reconnecting with an ex after a breakup is always an interesting topic.

One I feel often gets overlooked in favor of the bigger buzzwords out there.

However, it’s important to not overlook the reconnecting process.

Today I’m going to show you five recommended ways that you should be implementing to reconnect with your ex and I’m even going to take it a step further by explaining the overall strategy you should be using for maximum success.

Are you ready?

Let’s begin!

How To Reconnect With Your Ex

I’ve decided to divide this article up into three distinct parts with each part covering an essential part of the reconnecting process.

  1. The first part is going to talk about the vehicles of communication
  2. The second part is going to talk about moving up the communication ladder
  3. The third part is going to talk about establishing excitement and rapport throughout your ascent

By the end of this article it’s my intention that you’ll have a foundation to build upon for your own specific situation with your ex.

Ok, enough talk.

Let’s get to it!

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Part #1: The Vehicles Of Communication

Generally speaking when you start looking about how to reconnect with an ex there are a lot of ways you can communicate with them.

However, if you want to generalize then I’d say there are five primary ways that you can have a conversation with them.

  1. Social Media (Indirectly)
  2. Texting
  3. Phone Calls
  4. Skype, Facetime, Etc.
  5. Seeing You In Person

Let’s take a moment to talk about the correct way to use each of these vehicles of communication.

Vehicle #1: Social Media

Social media is often overlooked when it comes to talking to an ex.

However, that’s likely because most of the people I’ve worked with lack the creativity to think outside the box.

What do I mean by that?

Quite simply, they literally think they need to start communicating with their ex through social media.

This is wrong.

Social media is best used indirectly

One thing that research continually shows that when you go through a breakup you are going to be paying attention to your exes social media profiles.

We don’t do this to “stalk our exes” but rather curiosity gets the better of us and we can’t not look.

If you understand this basic fact then you can actually use it to your advantage.

If your ex is going to be looking at your social media profiles why don’t you craft the ideal image you’d like him or her to see?

The goal here is to literally make them want to be around you without you even saying anything.

Vehicle #2: Texting

There isn’t too much to expand on here.

This is all I will say about texting.

It’s our most common form of communication

In fact, it’s such a common form of communication in our relationships I’ve even written an entire book on it.

Therefore, it’s your ideal entry point to start a thread of communication with your ex so it’s arguably one of the most important vehicles to keep in mind.

That’s all I’m going to say for now.

I don’t want to get too deep here because I have very specific rules on how I believe you should text.

Vehicle #3: Phone Calls

I grew up in the generation where you still had to talk to people on the phone if you wanted to go out on a date.

Texting had just become a thing but it wasn’t as popular or as easy as it is now.

In fact, I still remember T-9 Word on my flip phone when it came to texting,

If you don’t get that reference then that makes me sad….

Anyways, back in the day you had to call someone to get to know them.

That doesn’t really happen so much anymore now-a-days. However, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a place for it.

In part two of this article I’m going to show you its place.

Vehicle #4: Skype, Facetime, Etc

As I’ve worked with clients I’ve personally noticed that phone calls don’t happen so much anymore.

Instead, people are doing video chat.

  1. Skype
  2. Facetime
  3. Facebook
  4. Google Hangouts

I actually like this trend a lot because it allows you to enact another of the five senses.

You see, with phone calls you only get to engage sound.

What you can hear.

However, with video chat you get to engage sight and sound.

Which makes it a great way to reconnect with your ex.

Assuming certain things happen first (which I’ll talk about in a moment.)

Vehicle #5: Talking In Person

Do I really have to explain this one?

Any time you see your ex in person that would be considered to be in this vehicle.

It’s not rocket science.

And quite frankly I’m getting bored talking about very basic things like what a “vehicle of communication is.”

What do you say we kick things up a notch and talk about how to actually reconnect with your ex.

Part #2: Moving Up The Communication Ladder

Consider for a moment the idea of the vehicles of communication.

If you really think about it you only communicate with people in a certain way.

Usually it looks something like this,

Now, the biggest mistake I see my clients making time and time again is going too fast too soon.

It’s actually really easy to understand why.

You see, if you are dating someone then you are technically at the top of the ladder. However, when you go through a breakup you don’t retain the right to be at the top of the ladder.

It becomes more difficult to sink your teeth into seeing your ex in person.

They don’t want to see you…

They don’t want to hear from you…

You get the picture.

You can’t just expect to reconnect with them at the top of the ladder here,

Instead, what you’re going to want to do is work your way up the ladder.

Like this,

In a weird way it’s kind of like someone has pushed a giant reset button and you have to start over from square one.

Now, I know you may be skeptical about this approach but I can tell you that from working with hundreds of clients this approach really does work best when you are looking to reconnect with an ex.

Of course, I’m still leaving a pretty big question on the table here.

How do you move up the ladder?

Part #3: Establish Excitement And Rapport Throughout Your Ascent

A few weeks ago I posted a video on my YouTube Channel,

In it I talk about a pretty radical new concept where I recommend you use the following progression throughout your communication with your ex,

I’m bringing this up not to overload you with information but to rather explain how you should be moving up the ladder.

Think of it like this,

If you want to ascend up the latter and properly reconnect with your ex you are going to have to build rapport and excitement and give them a reason to want to talk to you on some of the most personal vehicles.

In this article I talked about the Battle of the Bulge in World War Two and how much of a grind it was.

Properly reconnecting with your ex is a little like that.

It’s a grind and it’s not meant to be easy.

Let’s summarize everything we’ve learned today.


I had a blast writing this article and think I covered some relatively advanced topics that may be a tad confusing at first.

However, I’m always here.

One look at my articles and you can see I respond to every comment personally and try my best to provide an in-depth answer to what you are asking. So, don’t hesitate to ask me a question if anything confuses you about what I was talking about.

Here’s a quick summary of everything we’ve talked about today,

  • There are five primary vehicles of reconnection with your ex
  • Indirect social media
  • Text messages
  • Phone calls
  • Video chat
  • In person interactions
  • These five vehicles form a ladder
  • We communicate with people differently based on our relationships to them
  • A big mistake people make when trying to reconnect with their ex is starting at the top of the ladder
  • Instead, you should aim to work your way from the bottom to the top
  • In order to do that you need to provide excitement and rapport throughout your ascent

And that’s how you reconnect successfully with an ex.

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7 thoughts on “Reconnecting With Your Ex”

  1. Avatar


    November 13, 2018 at 11:20 am

    Me and my fiancé broke up 3 years ago. We were together for 9 years. Things went wrong and there is lot of misunderstanding, wrong time … We are in a long distances relationship.we didn’t met for breakup. Everything was by phone in a moment of anger.i don’t even remember .he just left me. I did all , he refused to talk .I have no way to contact him he is on another far country. I tried the NC so many times…. now w talk every day he tells me that the only woman that he cares about and the feeling he has for me are special.i don’t know how to deal with that. By the way I have so much anger , every time he told me something I lose my mind and I told him that he ruined me and he don’t understand me, .but he keeps begging why I’m saying that!? And he loves me ..he don’t mention that we were engaged .he drives me crazy and I love him .3 years and I can’t stop thinking about him

  2. Avatar


    November 6, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    I saw his friends walking into the grocery store last night and so I turned around and left because I didn’t know what to say to them if we bumped into each other. I ended up not texting him last night because of it. Do you think waiting a few more days will do any harm?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 6, 2018 at 10:28 pm

      Hi Sam!

      Yeah….things like that happen. But next time, just go about your business. Be happy and smile and if the subject comes up, just smile and say its best you not get into all that.

      Waiting a few days is fine!

  3. Avatar


    November 5, 2018 at 8:20 pm

    I’m breaking my no contact today. Any words of encouragement or last minute advice? I’ve read all of your articles and listened to all of the podcasts.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 5, 2018 at 8:58 pm

      Hey Sam…just follow the advice I offer in my eBooks and articles as to next steps…specifically the construction of your initial contact message.

  4. Avatar


    October 16, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex boyfriend seems to be having a “quarter life crisis.” He’s being very indecisive in every aspect of his life, he wants to go back and finish school but hasn’t because he doesn’t know what he wants to do, and most importantly broke up with me because he doesn’t know what he wants (he’s 24 and I’m 26). Add to this the baggage of his parents terrible divorce that involved cheating and my ex is running away scared!

    We were together for a year and he freaks out whenever it starts to get more serious. He told me he loves me and I have no doubt about that. But he broke up with me because he “doesn’t trust himself” to stop having doubts and to stop jerking me around in the relationship.

    We were long distance for 6 months and then I moved to be near him. The week I moved here, he injured himself and lost his job. I supported him for 4 months and we lived together for a total of 6 months. Looking back I realize I probably scared him accidentally by talking too much about the future. But we love each other and had an absolutely wonderful relationship before the sudden breakup! The breakup happened 3 days ago and I’m starting no contact today. Any other advice with this complicated situation? I’m desperate to get him back, he’s everything to me! Thank you!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 17, 2018 at 1:13 am

      Hi Sarah!

      That’s an interesting way of putting it…a quarter life crisis! Some guys do have attachment issues. I think he will have a wake up call during the no contact process you are starting. I wrote a 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” that you might want to take a look at that goes into every angle in quite some detail.