Today we’re going to be talking about one of the most interesting questions that I get all the time.
Can you MAKE an ex fall in love with you?
Truthfully this is one of the most interesting philosophical questions that I seem to get all of the time (You’ll see why in just a minute.)
So, is it possible?
Is It Possible To Force An Ex To Fall In Love With You?
Well, in the strictest sense of the definition,
I don’t believe it is possible to make someone fall in love with you.
Making someone do something against their will implies that you’re removing choice from the equation.
The last time I checked I haven’t met anyone with the superpower of mind control that could literally make an ex do whatever they wanted.
Now, with that being said I think there are certain things that you can do to influence them to want to fall in love with you.
So that’s actually what this article is going to be covering
In all, I have identified six factors that can help influence your ex towards loving you,
- The 11 Factors For Making Them Fall In Love With You
- Body Temperature
- Prolonged Eye Contact
- The Benjamin Franklin Effect
- Good Feelings Vs. Bad Feelings
- The Deficit Of Presence
Like always, let’s start from the top and go over these “factors” one by one until you have a good grasp on them.
1. The 11 Factors For Making Them Fall In Love With You
A few months ago I talked about 11 factors that are really commonly linked to love and even did a youtube video on it (which is the video above.)
If you want an in-depth look at what the 11 factors are and how they can help influence your ex to fall in love with you I recommend watching that video from start to finish.
But if you’re anything like me you probably won’t so what I’ve done is put together a really quick crash course version of what I talked about in the video.
There are 11 factors that scientists from around the world have linked to helping release the chemicals that create the feeling of love.
Those 11 things are as follows,
- Desirable characteristics
- Social influence
- Fulfilling needs
- Specific Cues Or Particular features
- Alone time
I know I went really fast and I do want to say that me expanding on each of these aspects isn’t going to do it the justice that I do it in the video above so watch that if you want more clarification on these 11 factors.
Let’s move on.
2. Body Temperature
It was a guy by the name of John Bargh that found was that body temperature temperature can really play a crucial role into helping someone fall in love.
Apparently there were quite a few studies that were done which found that ideally you want to feel kind of warm around the other person.
So, let’s say that you’re taking your significant other out on a date.
Actually, since we are talking about exes here let’s just assume you’re taking your ex out on a date and you want to take them to an ice cream parlor.
Well, last time I checked ice cream was very cold and cold body temperature isn’t going to help your chances at making your ex feel warm and loving towards you.
Especially when they are licking an ice cream cone every five seconds,
Instead, what you want to do is pick a comfortable restaurant to go to where you ex isn’t going to get too cold. I also feel it’s important not to pick a place that is so hot it’s uncomfortable.
One last thing before we move on. Don’t get caught up into thinking body temperature is the be all end all tactic to use on your ex.
The one thing I want to reiterate here is that if you’re looking to influence someone to fall in love with you don’t just expect to employ one small tactic and expect them to get on their hands and knees and ask you to marry them.
It doesn’t work that way.
Rather it’s a combination of many different tactics working together that leads to success.
Let’s move onto the next scientific thing that you should be paying attention to.
3. Prolonged Eye Contact
Scientists have done studies and have actually found that there’s a correlation between how often that we look into someone’s eyes and love.
On average when you’re talking to a normal person you’re going to be spending about 30 to 50 percent of the time looking directly into their eyes.
This may sound pretty normal to you as you use your own personal experience to verify it but where it gets interesting is when they paid attention to how people interacted when they were in love.
They found that eye contact significantly rises to the point of where you’re looking at them 70 percent of the time.
My suggestion is to actually take this a step deeper by having prolonged eye contact with your ex when you are in the midst of a date.
Now, this brings up an interesting question.
What constitutes “prolonged eye contact?”
Honestly, it’s really up to you and the sort of individual characteristics that your ex is going to be drawn to.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all.
- Some people will like it if you stare into their eyes for a minute straight.
- Some people can’t stand it.
I think you just have to use your gut feeling and draw on your own experience.
Let’s move on to the next factor.
4. The Benjamin Franklin Effect
So, what is the Benjamin Franklin Effect?
Put simply, contrary to popular belief, we believe as human beings that if you do a favor for someone that person is likely to reciprocate the favor.
Actually that’s not the case at all.
What’s more likely to happen is that if you do someone a favor you are more likely to do that person a favor again.
So what you’re looking for with the Benjamin Franklin Effect is to use this concept to your advantage.
- Ask your ex for a favor
- If they do the favor for you they’re actually set up to want to do you another favor.
Another analogy that I use when I’m talking to my clients is to think of this like you are making your ex jump through hoops and you are progressively increasing the intensity of what those hoops are.
Let’s move on!
5. The Good Feelings Vs. Bad Feelings Theory
This is my brain child and I’m very proud of it.
And recently there has been some research released that back my findings up.
So, what is the good feelings versus bad feelings theory?
I’ve talked to a lot about this in articles and I think I’ve even mentioned it in a few podcast episodes.
People tend to be drawn to the things that make them feel good and they’ll going to want to repel the things that make them feel bad.
So, the example I commonly use is by telling people that they are drawn to things that taste good and hate things that taste bad.
For example, you are drawn to ice cream and most likely cakes.
It feels and tastes good.
But we don’t really enjoy things that taste bad do we?
The same principle applies when it comes to our feelings. We are really drawn to people who make us feel good or make us excited or have some element of mystery to them.
And most likely we’re going to be avoiding people that make us feel bad.
6. The Deficit Of Presence
If you are anything like me you probably read this and are wondering what the heck it is.
Well, in my opinion this is arguably one of the most important and under-talked about things there is.
There was a research paper recently released called playing hard to get manipulating one’s perceived ability as a mate that really sparked this idea.
So, what’s in the research paper?
Well when scientists started testing people they found that the ideal way to make some want to see you again was to create a “deficit of presence.”
Essentially it’s scientific proof saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Let’s say you’ve got two couples you’ve got a couple that spends all day, every day together. They love each other no doubt but eventually it starts to wear on them. Both parties start to get bored or one party gets bored and the other is still not bored and you end up running into problems.
And then you have the next couple. This couple also spends a lot of time together but every once in a while one of the members of this couple will just take some time for themselves.
The create a deficit of presence.