By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 25th, 2021

Today we’re going to be talking about one of the most interesting questions that I get all the time.

Can you MAKE an ex fall in love with you?

Truthfully this is one of the most interesting philosophical questions that I seem to get all of the time (You’ll see why in just a minute.)

So, is it possible?

Let’s explore!

Is It Possible To Force An Ex To Fall In Love With You? 

Well, in the strictest sense of the definition,


I don’t believe it is possible to make someone fall in love with you.

Making someone do something against their will implies that you’re removing choice from the equation.

The last time I checked I haven’t met anyone with the superpower of mind control that could literally make an ex do whatever they wanted.

Now, with that being said I think there are certain things that you can do to influence them to want to fall in love with you.

So that’s actually what this article is going to be covering

In all, I have identified six factors that can help influence your ex towards loving you,

  1. The 11 Factors For Making Them Fall In Love With You
  2. Body Temperature
  3. Prolonged Eye Contact
  4. The Benjamin Franklin Effect
  5. Good Feelings Vs. Bad Feelings
  6. The Deficit Of Presence

Like always, let’s start from the top and go over these “factors” one by one until you have a good grasp on them.

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1. The 11 Factors For Making Them Fall In Love With You

A few months ago I talked about 11 factors that are really commonly linked to love and even did a youtube video on it (which is the video above.)

If you want an in-depth look at what the 11 factors are and how they can help influence your ex to fall in love with you I recommend watching that video from start to finish.

But if you’re anything like me you probably won’t so what I’ve done is put together a really quick crash course version of what I talked about in the video.

There are 11 factors that scientists from around the world have linked to helping release the chemicals that create the feeling of love.

Those 11 things are as follows,

  1. Similarities
  2. Familiarities
  3. Desirable characteristics
  4. Reciprocation
  5. Social influence
  6. Fulfilling needs
  7. Environment
  8. Specific Cues Or Particular features
  9. Readiness
  10. Alone time
  11. Mystery

I know I went really fast and I do want to say that me expanding on each of these aspects isn’t going to do it the justice that I do it in the video above so watch that if you want more clarification on these 11 factors.

Let’s move on.

2. Body Temperature 

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It was a guy by the name of John Bargh that found was that body temperature temperature can really play a crucial role into helping someone fall in love.

Apparently there were quite a few studies that were done which found that ideally you want to feel kind of warm around the other person.

So, let’s say that you’re taking your significant other out on a date.

Actually, since we are talking about exes here let’s just assume you’re taking your ex out on a date and you want to take them to an ice cream parlor.

Well, last time I checked ice cream was very cold and cold body temperature isn’t going to help your chances at making your ex feel warm and loving towards you.

Especially when they are licking an ice cream cone every five seconds,

Instead, what you want to do is pick a comfortable restaurant to go to where you ex isn’t going to get too cold. I also feel it’s important not to pick a place that is so hot it’s uncomfortable.

One last thing before we move on. Don’t get caught up into thinking body temperature is the be all end all tactic to use on your ex.

The one thing I want to reiterate here is that if you’re looking to influence someone to fall in love with you don’t just expect to employ one small tactic and expect them to get on their hands and knees and ask you to marry them.

It doesn’t work that way.

Rather it’s a combination of many different tactics working together that leads to success.

Let’s move onto the next scientific thing that you should be paying attention to.

3. Prolonged Eye Contact

Scientists have done studies and have actually found that there’s a correlation between how often that we look into someone’s eyes and love.

On average when you’re talking to a normal person you’re going to be spending about 30 to 50 percent of the time looking directly into their eyes.

This may sound pretty normal to you as you use your own personal experience to verify it but where it gets interesting is when they paid attention to how people interacted when they were in love.

They found that eye contact significantly rises to the point of where you’re looking at them 70 percent of the time.

My suggestion is to actually take this a step deeper by having prolonged eye contact with your ex when you are in the midst of a date.

Now, this brings up an interesting question.

What constitutes “prolonged eye contact?”

Honestly, it’s really up to you and the sort of individual characteristics that your ex is going to be drawn to.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all.

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  • Some people will like it if you stare into their eyes for a minute straight.
  • Some people can’t stand it.

I think you just have to use your gut feeling and draw on your own experience.

Let’s move on to the next factor.

4. The Benjamin Franklin Effect

So, what is the Benjamin Franklin Effect?

Put simply, contrary to popular belief, we believe as human beings that if you do a favor for someone that person is likely to reciprocate the favor.

Actually that’s not the case at all.

What’s more likely to happen is that if you do someone a favor you are more likely to do that person a favor again.

So what you’re looking for with the Benjamin Franklin Effect is to use this concept to your advantage.

  • Ask your ex for a favor
  • If they do the favor for you they’re actually set up to want to do you another favor.

Another analogy that I use when I’m talking to my clients is to think of this like you are making your ex jump through hoops and you are progressively increasing the intensity of what those hoops are.

Let’s move on!

5. The Good Feelings Vs. Bad Feelings Theory

This is my brain child and I’m very proud of it.

And recently there has been some research released that back my findings up.

So, what is the good feelings versus bad feelings theory?

I’ve talked to a lot about this in articles and I think I’ve even mentioned it in a few podcast episodes.

People tend to be drawn to the things that make them feel good and they’ll going to want to repel the things that make them feel bad.

So, the example I commonly use is by telling people that they are drawn to things that taste good and hate things that taste bad.

For example, you are drawn to ice cream and most likely cakes.


It feels and tastes good.

But we don’t really enjoy things that taste bad do we?

The same principle applies when it comes to our feelings. We are really drawn to people who make us feel good or make us excited or have some element of mystery to them.

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And most likely we’re going to be avoiding people that make us feel bad.

6. The Deficit Of Presence

If you are anything like me you probably read this and are wondering what the heck it is.

Well, in my opinion this is arguably one of the most important and under-talked about things there is.

There was a research paper recently released called playing hard to get manipulating one’s perceived ability as a mate that really sparked this idea.

So, what’s in the research paper?

Well when scientists started testing people they found that the ideal way to make some want to see you again was to create a “deficit of presence.”

Essentially it’s scientific proof saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Let’s say you’ve got two couples you’ve got a couple that spends all day, every day together. They love each other no doubt but eventually it starts to wear on them. Both parties start to get bored or one party gets bored and the other is still not bored and you end up running into problems.

And then you have the next couple. This couple also spends a lot of time together but every once in a while one of the members of this couple will just take some time for themselves.

The create a deficit of presence.

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20 thoughts on “Is It Possible To Make An Ex Fall In Love With You Again?”

  1. arsh

    August 13, 2019 at 1:57 pm

    Hi Chris,
    i am in btech 2nd yr. i met my boyfriend in 1st yr , we’re in relation for 6 months and broke up 2 weeks back. there were a lot misunderstandings in our relation, but still we sought out them but sometimes, he avoid to talk to me about that so that i could not get trouble. but 2 weeks back, he said all done, all over now. all happened because he never liked when i talk to my male friends. but i did’nt contacted them foe him only, but it was for the first time i contacted them. my boyfriend said me sorry for scolding me in public. what mistake i did was that i was needed to give him him space, that only i have not did. i begged to be atleast be friend with me but he said that ‘i cant be friend with you, if i do so then i will get emotional and all that mess will happen again’.
    today he outbrust on me and abused me. he is quite caring and loving person.
    he loved me alot, but that relation was like a burden on him. chris, i need him back.
    i talked to one of his best friend, he said that kulyash(my bf), dont want to talk to talk on this topic.

  2. Arunima

    June 28, 2019 at 2:51 pm

    Hi Chris! My boyfriend and I of almost three months just broke up a few hours ago. I know that sounds like a short time, but we’ve been developing a friendship and flirting and getting closer for over a year now, in which he asked me out 4 times! Eventually I was ready and said yes, I trusted him. He gets me on a different level to others and as bad as he is to me sometimes, I love him nonetheless. He broke up with me because we’d been fighting for the past week, he’d been pushing me away and treating me like crap (ignoring me, saying he doesn’t give two craps about me, that he doesn’t want to talk and always shoving another girl’s name down my throat) It wasn’t just cause of that though, he said that he’d felt nothing towards me for three days now. Nothing, romantic. I was a little upset because, as much as hate admitting it, I’d felt that – numerous times! Once even for two months straight! Yet here I am obsessing over him and reading numerous articles to try and get him back.I feel as though he doesn’t understand that relationships aren’t gonna be daisies and rainbows all the time. Feelings like that are normal, right? He’s notorious for giving up easily. I was weak when I learnt he didn’t have feelings for me anymore and begged him to give me a week to show him that I can make him happy but I ended up leaving it be. I came across the no contact rule and said, why not? Do you think this is what I should be doing in this situation? I’m in high school and have pretty much all of my classes with him which makes it a little harder, but I’m very dedicated when it comes to things I want. I don’t know what’s going to happen at the end of the month but I hope whatever happens I come out stronger. I’m scared he’s going to forget me though, he wanted to be friends after but I said to give me some space – though all I want is to tell him how much I still care and that I’m still here. I think in the midst of it all I might’ve said that I was hooked on the idea of the relationship and I didn’t actually care for him like that anymore either? So yeah, I don’t know how that’s gonna go. I’m just so confused. I truly believe I’m happier with him, he brings out a side in me that I love. What are your thoughts?

  3. Dana

    May 5, 2019 at 8:30 am

    My boyfriend and I had a 2 year relationship. Ups and downs of course. He broke up with me 6 weeks ago because he felt betrayed one day when I went to the gym with a guy friend. The thing is that we already had a big argument earlier that week about that same guy. So part of why he feeling betrayed is 1)it was the same guy 2)like 4 days later I hung out with him again, 3) just imagine coming home to your girlfriend wanting to take her on a date and find out she’s with a guy…
    I felt really bad and selfish about how I just disregarded our agreement and his feelings. I have apologized and said everything that needed to be said taking full responsibility and avoiding excuses. However, he says that when that happened he immediately thought “that is it” and promised himself never getting back together with me. Another thing, we live together same apartment, different rooms, we are students but we see each other everyday, we eat together everyday.
    The couple of weeks following the breakup were strange, not much changed in our routine. I did get desperate and perhaps started pushing him to get back together too soon and too much. He told me he has forgiven me, that he loves me. In an one-on-one he said he knows I am a genuinely good person and that because of that he wants me in his life forever but as his best friend and supporter. And said again, that he just cannot get back together with me, I assume his pride does not let him. I have decided to take a step back and definitely try to heal myself but I feel I am loosing him somehow. We have had intimacy after the break up even when we talked about we should leave it and avoid it. I know he’s hurt and hates me when I bring the subject up. I told him that I decided to never bring it up again and to start my healing process focused on me. That i was “closing that chapter.” Actually, he told me that he cannot be around me if I decide to keep myself in a hole of sadness and depression, also why I decided to move on.
    I feel like all I need is to give him space and time to be alone, feel my absence. We were basically inseparable during our relationship. We will be going different places during the summer so I think it is a great time to perhaps apply a NC period. Knowing him, and his pride, he would barely even text me if I don’t show I care. But I don’t want it to be too late. Should I just give up? We will be living in the same apartment for our senior year so I will be seeing him pretty much everyday again. So I definitely don’t want to make him feel pressured to get back together and eventually push him away. I do not know what to do. Also, about his social influence, it’s mostly his family, they love me and even his mom told him to really think things through because they know how good I was to him. I think I have a lot of things on my side, I just need to play my cards carefully which is I guess where I need your advice!

    Thank you!!!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2019 at 5:12 pm

      Hi Dana….it sounds like you would benefit by picking up my Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Bundle as it covers a comprehensive plan on getting your ex back along with the other things you should be doing for yourself.

  4. Bonnie

    March 7, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I share and apartment until he moves out in another month. We broke up one week ago. He says he loves me and cares for me deeply but is not in love with me. I recognize that i was needy and clingy. I know that devalued myself and now I don’t know how to undo the damage. He and I are both hurting over this…me because I love him and I assume his reason is because of the guilt of breaking up with me. He wants to spend time with me, take me out to eat, buy me concert tickets, have my hair done….but doesn’t want to be with me. Please, please help me.

  5. Sam

    October 30, 2018 at 5:37 pm

    Hey Chris! Do you know when your next podcast will be coming out?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 31, 2018 at 12:05 am

      I so much wish I could do 10 a week! But it definitely try to do a video or podcast once a week. Just keep checking my site and YouTube channel!

  6. Katie White

    September 20, 2018 at 11:23 pm

    Hi chris,
    My ex boyfriend broke up with me last friday because he said he didnt love me anymore. I begged him to rethink things. But says we arent getting back together. He got into a new relationship now after 2 days of breaking up with me. And says he already loves her but is taking things slow. What should i do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 21, 2018 at 4:31 pm

      Hi Katie!

      I know that hurts when an ex bounces into another relationship. I think you should employ the no contact rule and you can learn more about it on my home page. I wrote a detailed eBook “The No Contact Rule Book” that get into this subject in depth.

  7. Anna

    September 17, 2018 at 2:04 pm

    Hi Chris
    So my ex and I broke up 6 months ago. I did no contact for 3 months. We live together now since we are both students and sorted out this house while we were still together. I came back 2 days ago. He’s been really nice to me(offering help and going shopping with me and always checking up on me) but I don’t think that means anything. He broke up with me in April and after that for 2 months I begged and was just depressed and desperate(we lived together on the same floor on campus too). So I did no contact for 3 months while I was away and went gym and was really taking care of myself. I changed a lot over that time. But right before I left in June he told me he wouldn’t want me to move out because he wants to do lots of stuff with me this year and he would miss me. He also said that we will see what happens between us when I asked about us and not to rush anything and live in the moment. So right after the breakup we were on the phone for 10 hours in 3 days. First he asked what’s the chance of getting me back later, then he kept saying he’s not ready, then he said he doesn’t want to get back with me ever(however 2 weeks after he said that I left but 2 days before I left he told me we will see what happens and told me not to worry about anything and to live in the moment and that he would miss me of I moved out etc). I don’t know what to think now. Please tell me what’s he thinking and how do I stop being perceived as a friend(which is what he sees me as I think). He didn’t get with anyone else and isn’t interested in anyone to my knowledge.

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 17, 2018 at 9:16 pm

      Hi Anna!

      Sometimes to break the Friend zone problem, particularly if it is agonizing for you, its best to employ No Contact. I would advise you read up on my site and on my home page about NC and tap into some of the tools and resources I offer.

  8. Jess

    September 13, 2018 at 6:21 pm

    Hiya Chris,

    It’s Jess again . My friend was waiting at a bus stop and my ex happened to pull by and drop her home on her way. They talked about our relationship and how his friend had spotted me on tinder pretty much straightaway (I got rid of it soon enough) she said that he was “chill” with me and didn’t hate me at all. He broke up with me because of the commitment issue which surrounded us having arguments. I’m a bit more lost now, should I carry on nc or have I ruined my chances?

  9. Livi

    September 12, 2018 at 10:12 am

    Hi Chris,
    I had a bad breakup where I got caught in a lie and my boyfriend broke up with me. I want him back and we are on good terms now, but I found out that he’s telling everybody that “I’m annoying” or that I’m always around when HE is the one who initiates contact or invites me over. Why would he do that? When I confronted him about the talking he told me that he would never say anything but “nice” things about me because he cares for me. Should I go straight into no contact?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 17, 2018 at 9:56 pm

      Hi Livi!

      Not very nice of him to be saying such nasty things about you. Its just resentment. Yes to no contact. Do you have my eBook? It will help

  10. Bonfire

    September 9, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    I am in a long NC (until he texts, because for the situation during last conversation must be him), almost two months already (never spent that much without texting each other, and the break up was a year and a half ago, we had never stopped talking except for two neccessary NCs). I am afraid he is with another girl which lives closer (we lived in opposite sides of the country at this moment). I can’t text him so the “being there” method can’t be used. I am playing my best UG but I feel the most “awesome” I get in social media, the “further” he gets. I am desperate but I can’t text him, and it’s even worse if he is with another girl (if he is, it’s kinda recent). I don’t know what to do. Can you help me please?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 9, 2018 at 6:53 pm

      Hi Bonfire!

      You can;t control what he chooses to do, so try not to dwell on it. Focus on those things that give you meaning and fulfillment. If you still have feelings of desperation, then you have not fully healed and are not yet empowered and independent. But you can be and you will be and that is what is going to open up a lot of doors for you.

  11. Jess

    September 9, 2018 at 12:39 am

    Hiya Chris,

    Thank you very much for the quick reply, it’s much appreciated. However I’m a tad confused. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with Snapchat streaks but my ex and I have them. Following the heated breakup, with his friends telling me after he’s been perhaps thinking about it for a while and he’s quite “out of it” at the moment, he still sent me streaks this morning as if nothing had happened? Would you recommend I continue to ignore this as part of no contact and potentially send out a message during the end of no contact? I’m sorry if this seems like a silly question, and I know I shouldn’t be paranoid. I’m just worried he’ll block me or remove me on everything.

    Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 9, 2018 at 1:58 am

      Hi Jess… if he is out of it then probably best to give him room to find his way back. Its a good thing he is streaking you, but clearly he is in some denial. Yes, I do think you stay with NC!

  12. Jess

    September 7, 2018 at 12:59 pm

    Hiya, hope you guys are ok. So my boyfriend broke up with me an hour or so ago before work. I’d snapped at him over a message following him asking about my pet that had ended up the vets, big mistake. To me it seems quite a small reason to break up I mean we’ve had arguments before but from what his breakup message said it sounded preplanned almost. It has been a few days since the initial snap. He’s changed all of his statuses to single and removed pictures and stuff so there’s a lot of emotion there outwards and he suffers from ADHD on his side. I’ve been through this before with your site for reference so I’m coming to terms with it. I personally think it’s a bit of a silly reason to break up so I was wondering what type of no contact I should initiate or any other advice would that be helpful.

    Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 2:57 pm

      Hi Jess!

      So perhaps this breakup was a spur of the moment and all you both need is some time to yourselves. I am thinking a brief no contact period. Check out my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book” and it will help you with understanding every facet of the NC process and much more.