Working with an ex boyfriend is always a tricky situation to be caught in.

Today we hear from a woman who is in that exact situation.

She doesn’t exactly have a name though.

Well, she probably does but she didn’t give it to me. Instead, she gave me a handle to call her by.

What’s the handle?

“Is There Hope”

So, from this point forward any time I refer to the woman in this episode I will be calling her “Is There Hope.”

Here is a brief synopsis of her situation with her boyfriend,

  • She dated him for 3 months
  • They currently work together
  • The live 40 minutes away from one another
  • Her ex was really big about communication
  • He is 37 while she is 28
  • She wrote him an apology letter after the breakup

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • Apparently I am a lover and not a fighter (though I am not sure I buy into that.)
  • What I think were a few contributing factors into the breakup.
  • The importance of communication
  • The rules for working with an ex boyfriend
  • How to handle working with an ex boyfriend
  • My special tactic for… oh, you will find out if you listen to the entire episode from start to finish 😉 .
Is He Worth All This Trouble?
Take The Quiz

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

The Importance Of A Game Plan

As Ex Boyfriend Recovery has grown bigger and bigger it has become quite challenging for me to stay on topic with a lot of the things that I need to get done. So, lately what I have been doing is creating little game plans for me to follow every single day so I can get everything I need to get done.

Guess what the results of doing that have been?

INCREDIBLE.

It really highlighted how important having a game plan and sticking to it is to me.

So, I want to re-iterate to you that if you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back you absolutely need to have a game plan.

Here is the game plan for “Is there Hope”

work

Step One- Make The Correct NC Alterations

There are certain alterations that you are going to have to make to the no contact rule if you work with your ex boyfriend. For example, you need to keep things strictly about business and in the event that your ex boyfriend does come up to try to talk to you about something other than work make sure you give him a vague response.

Step Two- After NC Send Mixed Signals/Flirt/Friendzone

Do you want to know the best way to mess with a mans head?

Friend zone him…

Then flirt with him…

Then friend zone him again…

Give him mixed signals at work so he doesn’t know what the heck is going on.

Step Three- Follow The Texting/Calling/In Person Layout

You really need to pick up PRO to get an in-depth layout of what you need to do here.

Basically you want to implement the normal game plan that is in that book.

Step Four- Leave Him Wanting More

I do something really clever in the episode to demonstrate how to do this.

(Hint Hint… Listen to the very end.)

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 32 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. It seems like just yesterday that I started recording these episodes. Now we’re up to 32. To be honest, I never thought I would make it this long. I never thought I would have this many episodes. For the most part, it’s been successful. A lot of people have been telling me that they wake up and listen to this podcast every morning. It gives me the motivation to keep recording these episodes. Thank you for listening.

I’d like to start today’s episode with something interesting. I’m trying to do this new thing where I talk about something interesting at the beginning of every episode. I don’t like things that are generic and the same every single time. At the beginning of every episode, I’m going to tell an interesting story or share a fun fact. Yesterday it was more about the website redesign. The day before that was about astrological signs.

Today I’m going to talk about one of those silly quizzes that you take on Facebook. Lately I’ve been scrolling around Facebook. I’ve been getting into these quizzes. Some of them are dumb. For Star Wars, it might be, “What Jedi are you?” It’s Yoda versus Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader. I took one yesterday that was pretty interesting.

I got a result that I’m not sure that explains me perfectly. I’m always curious at how they arrive at these. It’s a quiz where they ask you nine questions. Based on your answers, it’s supposed to describe you. This one was, “What five-letter word describes you perfectly?” I got “lover,” which I was not expecting at all. Here is the definition for lover. Tell me if you think it sounds like me.

“Has anyone ever told you how wonderful you are? You have been an unsung hero for so many people in your life. You’ve done great things without ever asking for a return.” I’m not sure that’s completely true. “You not only stand up for what you believe in but you also stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.”

For the most part, that’s accurate. It’s not wholly accurate. “You respect those who have different perspectives.” That’s mostly accurate. “That qualities that most of us lack, you have maintained gracefully.” I think it should be, “Those qualities that most of us lack, you have maintained gracefully.” “It’s not far-fetched to say that you’ve won at life.”

I like that last part. Again, I’m sure life would be pretty boring if you won at it. Part of the fun is trying to win. It’s the ride as opposed to the result. That’s our little fun thing today.

Today we’re going to be talking about what to do if you work with an ex-boyfriend. Coincidentally, a lot of women seem to do this. We’re going to hear from a woman named Is There Hope. That’s her handle. She didn’t really give a name.

Let’s hear from her now:

“Hi, Chris. My ex-boyfriend and I dated for three months. We work together. We live about 40 minutes away from each other. He made more of an effort in the relationship as far as coming to see me and communicating about things. He said that communication was a really big thing for him. He’s a little bit older than I am. He’s 37 and I’m 28.

He said that communication is a big issue as far as relationships go. He broke it off and said that he hopes we can eventually be friends. I wrote him an apology letter saying that I wanted to work on things, that I would be more communicative with him. I said I did not want to be just friends. That’s not what I want from him at all.

Since that letter, I have not reached out to him at all. He has reached out to me through text messages three times, once when he was drunk, several text messages in a row. There was nothing about wanting to get back together, just asking how I’ve been. Today he stopped by my desk at work to see how I was doing but mentioned that his boss was asking what was going on with us. He told her that we were no longer dating. He was asking how I was doing. I didn’t really know what to say.”

Unfortunately, you got cut off. There is only a minute and a half time limit on the messages. I think I got the gist of your question. I think I can really help you out. You work with your ex-boyfriend, so I’m going to try to tailor this episode more towards that. Although, I’m going to be diving into your situation more specifically. It’s just that more people visiting the website will probably get more out of something that I put together if they work with their exes, because so many women end up working with their exes.

Let’s do a quick recap of your situation. You were dating him for three months before the breakup occurred. That’s not exactly the longest time in the world but it’s long enough to leave an impact on him. You work together, which is what this whole episode will be structured around. You live 40 minutes away from each other. It seems like, even though technically you’re not in a long-distance relationship, you are some distance away. He stressed communication a lot, which is interesting. You usually hear women stress communication as opposed to men.

Usually it’s the men who are quiet and introverted and the women who are extroverted and ready to communicate. I think that women are better at dealing with their emotions. They’re better at talking about things. Men aren’t so much. We’re a little lacking when it comes to that. We’re good at physical stuff. Emotional stuff, not so much.

He’s 37 and you’re 28. I think you are at an age where the age gap doesn’t really matter as much anymore. You wrote a letter apologizing and explaining that you’re going to be more communicative in the future.

Let me tackle this apology letter. I’m not a fan of letters at all. Is There Hope, I’m sure you are a fan of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. You cared enough to leave me a voicemail. If you read Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, you will know that I am not a fan of letters at all. I don’t think they’re that effective. I think it’s a waste of time. However, in this case, I don’t think you hurt yourself too much except the fact that it seemed like you were begging. I know it wasn’t necessarily considered begging but he will perceive it as begging. What he perceives is what really matters.

The first thing I want to say is that it seems like he was putting a little more effort into the relationship, which is not cool at all. I’m not here to get on your case, Is There Hope. I’m not here to judge you. I’m just here to tell it like I see it. It seems like the distance was an issue for the two of you. It may have contributed to the breakup. He probably felt that he was putting a little more effort in than you were since he was constantly coming to see you. Maybe you didn’t go to see him as much.

Going forward, if you were to get him back, you need to make sure you communicate with him that it will be more even next time around. For example, maybe you can do a switch-off thing where he comes to see you one week and you go to see him one week.

You go back and forth until eventually your relationship builds and grows into something where you can have a more permanent solution. You then potentially live together, get married and live happily ever after and have millions of kids. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves yet.

You didn’t really go into his reasons for the breakup. But you did mention a few things that I think could have potentially contributed to it. I think maybe this was one of the reasons he felt that he was putting more effort into the relationship than you. That’s not cool. Personally speaking, if I felt I was putting more into a relationship than my significant other, I would not like it at all.

It would make me unhappy. I would not go as far as breaking up with someone over it, but I would say that it’s worth communicating to that person. A relationship is a two-way street. I can’t pull both of our weight. Both of us need to pull the weight of the relationship. I can’t pull the entire weight of the relationship on my own. At the same time, if a man is putting in all the work in a relationship, he’s not going to feel very admired by the woman. We all know how much men love to be admired. That may have been a potential reason for his breakup with you.

Let’s move on to communication. I found it fascinating that he kept stressing the communication thing. He’s right on the ball here. Communication is one of the most important aspects to a relationship. He’s 37 and that tells me that he’s experienced in relationships. He’s had relationships before and he probably understands the importance of communication.

Let me give you an example. Let’s say that one day, a guy that you used to date contacts you. He hits on you. You are faced with a choice right now. You can erase the text message, ignore the text message, respond to the text message and engage in flirting or you can communicate this with your boyfriend and earn some super big brownie points.

You can communicate and say, “I just want to let you know. This guy messaged me. I want to have an open dialogue with you about this. I used to date him. I want you to feel comfortable and trust me. I would like to communicate to you that I don’t feel comfortable with this. I’m going to respond this way.”

You’re going to earn some super brownie points with your boyfriend for doing that. It’s huge. He’ll trust you. He’ll think, “Wow, if she’s willing to tell me about a guy hitting on her, she’s really trustworthy. She won’t ever cheat on me.” You can kill any kind of little insecurity that he may have in the back of his head.

Communication is important. That’s just one small example. It seems like communication may have been an issue since he might have felt that you weren’t putting as much into the relationship as he was. That could have been potentially solved with communication. Going forward, he is right. You will need to communicate a little bit better if you haven’t been doing a good job communicating. Let’s not get that far ahead.

Let’s focus on the situation at hand and talk about the rules you need to follow when you work with an ex-boyfriend. I’m going to give you a game plan now, Is There Hope. I think it’s really important that you have a game plan. It didn’t seem to me like you had a game plan going forward. Part of that might be because you wanted me to put a game plan together for you, which is fine. If you have a game plan and you stick to it, you will substantially raise your chances of getting him back. Game plans are so important. I cannot stress that enough.

You don’t have to follow it if you don’t want to, but this is my expert and professional advice for you. I’m going to structure a game plan for you around working with your ex-boyfriend. I’m going to go from start to finish.

Step one to this game plan is, when you’re working with an ex-boyfriend, you want to try the no contact rule. But the no contact rule has to be altered. When you work with your ex, you’re going to be forced to talk with him. You will be forced to be in situations where you talk to your ex about work-related matters.

Keep these situations specifically about work-related matters. You also mentioned that he visited your desk. That’s fine. You don’t want to seem like a jerk for ignoring him. If this does happen again where he approaches your desk and asks you how you are, be very vague in your answers. Give him yes or no answers for the most part. Don’t be mean. Smile at him a lot. Nod your head a lot.

Be very communicative without being communicative. If he says, “Hey, how is your day going?” look at him, smile and say, “It’s good.” Leave it at that. Try to get out of the conversation as soon as possible. The main point here is that you want to understand that things are different now that the two of you aren’t dating. You want to approach him from a position of strength as opposed to a position of weakness.

You mentioned that you did not want to be friends with him. That’s fine. I understand that, but don’t announce that to him. Don’t let him in on the fact that you don’t want to be friends. It puts you in a position of weakness. It puts you in a position where he knows that you like him, you want to chase after him and get him back. That’s a position of weakness. This is as opposed to if he doesn’t know that and you’re mysterious. It puts him in the position of finding out whether or not you want him back. That’s a position of strength.

You want to alter the no contact rule. Still ignore him. Do not reach out to him. Implement the no contact rule. In those situations where you are forced to talk to him at work, keep it strictly about business. If he tries to veer off into any other subject, give him vague answers.

Eventually the no contact rule is going to end and you’re still going to be working with him. Then you want to give him mixed signals and friend zone him. Friend zone him first. Then give him mixed signals. Flirt with him a little bit and then pull back. Confuse him. This is almost like a good pitcher. A good pitcher in baseball mixes things up constantly.

You want to do this to your ex-boyfriend at work. Give him those mixed signals, as opposed to him giving you mixed signals. It will mess with his mind if you look like you’re trying to seduce him one moment, and then the next, you can’t stand him. He will be confused by this.

At the same time this happens at work, you are going to be texting him with the advice that I give in Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. I have specific text message strategies that you need to follow. It’s a way to text him. I’m going to link to my ebook, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro, in the show notes of this episode. Hopefully you can pick that up for yourself.

I also created a podcast on texting about the overarching texting strategies that I think are most effective. I’ll also link to the texting episode in the show notes. In case you forgot, you can find the show notes of this episode at www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode32.

You want to follow the texting rules. I’ll give you a quick crash course on what you’re trying to accomplish with texting. You want to build attraction through texting where you can transition to phone calls. Then from phone calls, you want to build attraction to transition to an in-person date. Getting this in-person date is essential. Seeing him in person outside of work on a one-on-one basis is really your chance to shine and seduce him. When I say “seduce him” I don’t mean seduce him into bed. I mean seduce him into a relationship. There’s a difference.

Seducing him into a relationship is all about reigniting the fire that you once had, or starting a new fire. A lot of that revolves around him having fun with you and feeling things. You want to dress to kill. You want to look as sexy as possible. This is assuming that you get a date. I’m giving you a very quick crash course to get to this point. There are steps to getting the date. Just follow Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro for those.

On the date, you want to focus on having fun. In Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro, I talk a lot about the date. I updated the version. I talk about what to do on the date, how to get a kiss and a commitment. That’s important. For the most part, once you get a date, you are in really good shape. Your priority, once you get a date, is to get a second date. The best way to do that is to leave him wanting more.

There is an amazing strategy that I just came up with. It does a good job of leaving him to want more. This strategy is absolutely incredible. It’s probably the most amazing strategy that I’ve ever come up with.

[The podcast outro music cuts in]

Did you want more after I set that up? You probably wanted more. You wanted me to tell you the strategy. That was the strategy–cut things off quick. Find the high point. Catch his interest. Hook him. Make him want to find out what happens next so much. Then cut him off. That’s the strategy.

That’s the quick crash course to getting your ex-boyfriend back if you work with him. I hope that helps you, Is There Hope. That’s going to do it for this episode of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Did I fool you with the clever outro there? I hope I did. Thanks so much for listening. I’ll see you tomorrow.

123 thoughts on “EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar

    Angela

    May 11, 2019 at 9:14 pm

    Hey
    I started seeing my co worker few months back but we never committed eachother and it was clear will never let anyone know in office but once I got drunk in a office party and misbehaved and everyone knew about us and that’s how we ended now it’s about 20days we don’t talk I’m doing NC but in between I had messaged him once regarding office and he did reply and few days back we had an unwanted argument in office so I texted him let’s be professional and forget whatever happened and got no reply. What does this mean ? And also I always catch him staring at me in office and he did try talking to me several in short he’s sometimes good and sometimes rude towards me what does this mean ? My friends tells me because of the job and professionally thing we would never be together as he loves his job! But actions speaks louder than his words and his actions always shows he has something for me but never text or call or try to communicate as now I’m following NC. I hope texting him few days back to be good in office didn’t cut the rule off it was not a personal message. And why didn’t he reply ? What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 11, 2019 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Angela….so NC can help you in many ways but it important to understand the process of how it works and comes together. I recommend you take a look at my EBR Pro Bundle Program as it gives you a comprehensive set of tools and resources.

  2. Avatar

    Jackie

    March 2, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    I forgot to mention that it turns out I can’t leave for at least a couple months because my landlord won’t let me break my lease. Eventually he’s going to notice I’m still here, should I say something casually or wait to see if he says something first? I don’t want him to think I did it to try and get him back.

  3. Avatar

    Jackie

    March 2, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    I worked with my ex for 3 years, I’ve worked there longer than him. We were kind of friends that hung out occasionally, but we were always seeing someone. We’ve always liked eachother and finally started dating a few months ago and it was fantastic. We connected, and shared our feelings for a future. A month later he started to pull away, we spoke about it and he had doubts. He thought he was too boring, thought we didn’t have enough in common, and other things that he never told me. We actually had a ton in common so not sure. Eventually things got hard and he said he had an idea of a perfect girl, that he can never find. He’s a long term relationship person, all his relationships were years, ours was 2 months. The eventual breakup was over text, saying again we didn’t have enough in common (no explaining why) we didn’t have a solid foundation (no explaining why) but he had a blast hanging out and couldn’t believe how nice I was to him. He wanted to be friends. I said no, there was no way I could just pretend like nothing happened. I had decided that I was going to move back to my hometown, in another state. (My job is awful and I can’t afford to live here anymore) he wanted to take me out to dinner, because he owed it to me, I said no. I ended the message telling him that I hoped he’d find what he’s looking for, I wasnt mad, just disappointed. He sent me a snap chat after, which I ignored.

    Now at work he won’t even make eye contact with me. I’m worried about him, he doesn’t look good. I know he has problems with depression. We haven’t spoken since the breakup, 3 days ago. I’m supposed to leave this month. But I don’t know when. I’d love to stay and be with him but I’m also just so tired of all the bad relationships and memories. Was it a mistake to tell him I was leaving? I didn’t want to make it seem like an ultimatum, which it wasn’t. I had plans to move back home before we started dating but I put them off to see what we had. (Which he knew) I’m going to keep not taking to him, but how should I proceed? I don’t want to leave if we have a chance, but I also can’t stay here.

  4. Avatar

    Jasmine

    August 15, 2017 at 6:05 am

    This is my first serious relationship. I was in this relationship for 7 months with my coworker. He is much younger than me, 8 years apart. I’m 29 and he is 21. We started this relationship even though we knew we are in a different stage of life. When we were hanging out we had fun and we were happy. But we fought often about little things like smoking weed, life style difference, and texting. We started to live together in March about 5 months ago. After we started to live together we fought more often. Our personality is opposite and we both were too stubborn. I’m needy and he is a type of person who need personal space and time. I think he was stressted a lot about it. But didnt tell me anything about it until we got into fight. We tried to go to counseling but it didn’t help much. He said that loves me and he want his own space and time two- 3 days a week. He have been staying with me in my apt because he doesn’t want to hurt me by saying that he want some space. I agreed him going home for 2-3 days a week. At work and in general, I felt that he is less interested in me (because he stopped asking me to go eat lunch together or not talking to me during the break as before. And etc…) and I was holding the disappointment and developed it as an anger. The week that we decided to not to spend time together whole week. Few days later, we went to dinner at co worker’s house. I got drunk and I hit him many times and broke his glass. I don’t remember how it happened.. He left the co worker’s house because people told him to leave first. And he disappreared for 4 days.. I was angry at first but started to worry about him because he left without his glass, he was little drunk (by what he told me), and no one could contact him. His phone was off. 4 days later he showed up front ofy house. I said sorry and we had emotional moment. After he came back, he seemed fine and told me he still loves me, not going to leave me, and not to drink until I get drunk. The next day, we talked about what happened that night. And he asked me to help him saving money, just loves him, he is going to move in to my place, and he said let’s fix the anger and hurts in my heart. We seemed ok but we fought 2 days after because when he sees me texting I turn off screen everytime. I honestly have nothing to hide so I explained that it’s just my habit and I was texting my mom but he was being weird and stubborn. The next day, he woke up started to calculate how much I spend and kept asking me questions… He was rude and didn’t explain me specifically why. He said he want to save some my money together when we get our pay… I freaked out and we had intense argument. He said I’m not helping him and didn’t like my reaction about it. And he said he can’t do this anymore. So I calmed him down and I left to give him some time to relax. We talked and he said he is sorry he is fine now and he doesn’t know why he blew up like that. I came back home hours later and we went to movie. For the few days I felt I fall in love again as if we just started to date for the first time. The way he looked at me was real. And he changed all of sudden. His mood swing got worse. And I was so confused and stressed. Abt 15 days later he came back, we went to counseling and left the office with tension. We didn’t talk at all while we were driving back. Then, we got into a big fight because I was angry and asked him why he is trying to move in to my place when he stressed about staying together whole time with me. It was also stressing me out because he has been acting weird like he started to talking to me less while we are driving to/from work, after we eat dinner at home, he just watched tv show. There was very little communication. And we got into fight. He told me that he couldn’t stop blaming me for what happened and was angry and couldn’t talk to me when he doesnt smoke or drinks. He wanted to break up with me. But I begged him not to.
    The next day he told me that it was too early to tell me that he wants this relationship to be done. And sorry for what he told me when he got angry last night. He told me he needs some break from me but he isn’t sure whether he will be ok or not later. And told me to take some break and let’s start dating out side take it slow. He loves me takes care of me. But he said he isn’t sure if he will be ok or not nor how long is it going to take. I agreed but kept doubting that what he said to me was because he is just saying it because he just can’t break up with me and doesn’t want to be a bad person.
    We are taking a break for 2 weeks and I wasn’t helping him that much. I didn’t go to work for 3 days and ignored his text. The I was avoiding him and acting weird at work when he tried to talk to me. So I texted him bit he ignored my texts. Recently, we talked and I asked what he has been feeling and why he was avoiding me. He said he felt bad that I was avoiding him and acting weird. So he was just giving me some distance. Which i didn’t feel that way at all. He was just ignoring me completely. I felt he was just done and avoiding me on purpose. I said i’m in pain and can’t handle this situation that we have to see everyday and I have see him treating me differently from before. He said we need to break up because he doesn’t want me to see me suffer like this and wasting my time on focusing on him. So I convinced him to talk to me 2 weeks later again. Today is 3rd day. I didnt text him or tried to communicate him at work. He said bye when I was going home today. What should I do? Do I need to just break up with him since we went too far and I’m in too much pain emotionally…? I’m not sure if he is the one. But I know that I love him and we had so much good time, he supported me emotionally a lot, and I think we can be better. It looks like he is just too soft hearted or he is worrying that we have to see at work so doesn’t want me to go crazy by telling me to break up. I’m not sure anything… It’s also hard to focus on my self because he keeps change his words… please advise me and help me. Our situation is very unique and he isn’t being honest abt his emotion and thoughts.. it drives me crazy..

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 16, 2017 at 10:36 am

      You said two weeks, so use that two weeks to think for now on what you really want

  5. Avatar

    Crystal

    August 6, 2017 at 2:15 pm

    Hi,

    So my ex-boyfriend and I have worked together for 6 months. Out of that we dated for 2.5 months, so not the longest time. But we ended up really liking each other, but he broke up with me because he didn’t think he was good enough for me and needed some space to figure himself out. We’ve been broken up for a week, and our entire office went on an outing to the beach. He came up to me and said that he misses me, taking to me, etc. and asked if the feeling was mutual. I was kinda vague, but said yes. He came over and we talked a little bit, but then we had sex and it felt like back to normal, but I still don’t know if he’s committed or not. I haven’t gone thru the NC rule, but I’m leaving on an assignment and won’t be back for 21 days. Do you think I have a chance of getting him back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 9, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      Nope, continue in nc..be active in improving yourself and in posting..dont use jealousy moves that are too forward like posting and captioning it that you’re dating a new guy, or showing pda

  6. Avatar

    Lesha

    June 15, 2017 at 9:45 am

    Hi EBR Team,
    Worked with this guy for almost 4 years. We started dating 10 months ago and unfortunately be broke up just 3 days ago (missing him alot). The break up was initiated by him then we both agreed to split mind you weve been best friends for the 3 years before getting involved. He has legal issues to sort out with ex which had put him under stress that has put our relationship feel tense. We agreed to a split so he can put everything into perspective same for me. Planning to do NC and give him space. What can I do best to reach out to him after 30Days NC?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2017 at 6:49 am

  7. Avatar

    Victoria Park

    May 24, 2017 at 3:25 pm

    Hi, I have finished the nc period but I was not able to do the friend zone/flirt technique because he was still angry and had a hard time having any conversation with me. We still had eye contacts and this time I didn’t look away:) I had found out that he is going back to the states since he was in canada only for an assignment. Therefore I didn’t have time to build rapport. I have asked him to meet up and he said yes. Is it not a good idea? I just didn’t have much time since he is leaving pretty soon:( There might not be too much time for me to build attraction as well. What can/should I do? Anything would help:)

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2017 at 1:31 pm

      when are you going to meet up? well, just make the most of it.. look your best and have fun so you can leave a good last impression..

  8. Avatar

    Victoria

    April 16, 2017 at 12:53 am

    Hi,

    I have just broken up with my boyfriend from work a month and a half ago. I did no contact for 45 days and recently emailed an aplology because he was so angry when we broke up. He broke it off and we only dated month and a half. He had family issues and work issues. Also I was a bit clingy and controlling. We had eye contact recently for long period initiated by him but no interaction other then that. Also no reply to apology email. Is there even a chance we will reconcile?

    1. Avatar

      Victoria

      April 16, 2017 at 6:50 pm

      Hi, I emailed : I regret my role in the breakup. I am really sorry. Was this not a good idea? I sent the email because when he looked I kind of turned away first. I think I must be slightly upset at him unconsciously. I don’t know if he will try to initiate contact. We have work meetings since we work in the same department. I am hoping I will get a chance to become at least comfortable around him so that I can try the light flirting. Any suggestions?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 20, 2017 at 11:11 am

      You need to restart no contact then follow the advice above

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 16, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      what was your exact words? how much did you improve yourself?

  9. Avatar

    Emma

    December 4, 2016 at 1:15 am

    My ex, James, and I, after a month and a bit of NC were texting a bit, quite friendly, some actual banter going on! Then he stopped texting a few days later. Just didn’t reply. Bit weird. Then eventually he sent me a message saying: “Please give me a bit of space. I don’t want to hear from people ‘did you cry and lock yourself in the bathroom?!'” Basically, Neil (a complete douchebag at the theatre group we’re both in) was pestering me all about the breakup, asking what had happened, and saying really horrible things about James. He wouldn’t let it go and I just ended up telling him what happened when James dumped me, just a rundown of what happened, then I asked him to leave me alone. I didn’t consider he would go and tell James as I thought it was in confidence. But he did, about three weeks after I told him in the first place – so now James is pissed off with me, even though I said I wouldn’t do anything to intentionally upset him, and there was never any malicious intent in speaking to Neil. He hates me. He’s pissed off with me talking about him to people he knows – he sent me a message today that read, “Give me space. I know you’ve not been texting me but I’m fed up of hearing from people during show week talking about you, and you’d saying I’m seeing someone else?!” So once again I’m in the wrong for talking about him. I can’t bloody win.

    I saw him in a show a few weeks ago and got dragged up for audience participation (that I was prepared for!). James was in the show, obviously, and was forced to interact with me and I thought he’d say hi afterwards but he didn’t. Not at all. I sent him a congratulations text and asked how the week has been so either he’s asleep or he just doesn’t want to reply. He’s still majorly pissed off about the Neil thing. The reason he started texting me back in the first place was to be friendly but didn’t want to give me false hope, so he said. I can’t do anything. All I want to do is speak to James and see him and have a laugh like we were doing a couple of weeks ago week and now I’ve fucked it up because of what I said to Neil all that time ago.

    I feel like I’m going insane. I watch James getting on with life like I never existed, and doing things with the friends I thought were mine as well. I’m in tears all the time. He is in my head and my dreams and nightmares, so I can’t even escape him there. I just want it back to how it was, even before we started dating, but I don’t know how to get it there. If I can’t hang out with him … I don’t know what to do. I can’t deal with thinking that it’s over forever and I will never have anything to do with him again.

    I think … Today I’m not doing very well. I haven’t stopped crying. I’m so far from being over him, I realise. I feel stuck. And I’ve found out he’s going to be at an audition tomorrow morning, and of course he’s doing fine, he’s having a great time and has moved on and doesn’t care – although he still is not talking to me, and will ignore me tomorrow. It’s horrible. I go through time when I think I’m okay then I realise that I really, really miss him. It hurts. The enforced time apart isn’t helping me at all but he doesn’t want to talk to me so I have to respect that.

    1. Avatar

      Emma

      December 16, 2016 at 12:41 am

      I have changed. I’ve improved myself and I’m showing that I’ve got a life. None of the texts I’ve sent have been begging ones, or saying I miss him. Just friendly ones but he’s not replied to any at all. It’s been so long but i still miss him.

      What makes it so hard is he’s ignoring any attempts I do to make contact. He said before – weeks and weeks ago – that he didn’t want to get my hopes up and that he has many friends who he doesn’t get round to replying to (which all sounded a bit, “look at me and how important I am”) … Somebody said maybe he’s still hurt and is dealing with this the best way he can but he doesn’t know how much I’m struggling without being able to talk to him. It’s a bit like we never happened. Everyone else just talks about him like it’s perfectly normal (which it is to them) and I hear all of this and just cry.
      I might see him in January but it’s seeing him get on with everything and be fine that’s hurting me.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 17, 2016 at 1:28 pm

      you’ve made effort, and it’s obvious that you’re open to talking. So, if he doesn’t want to talk, it means you have to move on…

    3. Avatar

      Emma Bamford

      December 11, 2016 at 10:35 pm

      Yes, I want to do NC. But he said to give him space. But this was a few weeks ago now, he still hasn’t spoken to me. I sent him one text in the mean time, to wish him luck in an audition.

      So is NC the way to go for now? How long do I do it for? What about when it’s ended – how do I contact him? It will then be about four months since we broke up. A friend thinks he’s still hurting but I just don’t know.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2016 at 2:50 pm

      Well, it’s been so long since the break up.. And if he didn’t reply to that text, nc is definitely the better option than to keep texting and look like you’re chasing him. Do at least 30 days, improve yourself. Show that you have a life too and you can’t just wait forever.

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 4, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      Hi Emma,

      so, you mean you’re going to do the no contact rule to respect his space?

  10. Avatar

    Valerie

    November 28, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    Hi, I’ve been friend with my ex for 6 months before we dated. We dated for 6 months after and I was in a difficult situation and i had to deal with anxiety and it affected our relation since the start. A few time he wanted to do the right thing and end it because in his head it didn’t work obviously.. Im not sure he ever undestood the difference between me and him and me who is struggling. He finaly left me after a fight, saying we had great moments but it never really worked and that in the end he felt he loved me less. Now it’s been 10 days and i’m doing really well, I feel strong and i feel like the girl he fell in love with. We work togheter and at work we have to work closely. I act and feel confidente, funny and friendly, whitout pushing it of course… I endend things saying i was at peace with the break up because it made me stand up on my feet and concentrate on myself, also saying that we could see each other sometimes in a friendly manner. I also told him that even if the relation was difficult, we have a nice chimistry and we go well with each other and the relation would have been better if i was in my normal state. I plan on staying low for a while, not seing him and talking outside of work for 15 days, maybe go out and do something with him after that period if he offers to. I want to show him my best self. I hope i’m doing the right thing if not let me know please!

    Thanks for everything

    1. Avatar

      Valerie

      November 29, 2016 at 8:24 pm

      I want to do the no contact but he said we would go have a drink soon. I can push it a bit saying that I’m busy alot for a week if he asks me. But if he asks me a second time after that (itll be like 3 weeks from now) Should I accept? since I said we could see each other? And if not how do I refuse? Im really not that busy in life and he ll know then that im just reporting it. Could 15 to 20 days of no contact could be good enough?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2016 at 10:13 pm

      Nope, refuse that.. Limited contact means only talking about important thing. No small talk, no relationship nor feelings talk. If he initiates a small talk, reply shortly, politely but direct. That’s too short. And you have to start being active now. Do new things, widen your world and make new friends. And you have to maintain that new routine even after nc.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2016 at 5:29 pm

      Hi Valerie

      that’s good. It looks like you’re starting a limited contact since you work together..but I think you should do 30 days

  11. Avatar

    Kay

    November 15, 2016 at 12:52 am

    Hi it’s me again! In my last post I explained how my ex said he wanted to be friends and ever since he has been really friendly at work. Obviously that was interfering with the no contact rule though because he wouldn’t let conversations end, he would give me compliments and go out of his way to start a conversation with me. This bothers me though because outside of work he has not attempted to “be my friend” once… it’s like he only cares when I’m right in front of him and this just shows me he doesn’t care and makes me upset. So this weekend he continued to try and talk and after multiple attempts of trying to politely walk away or end the convo he finally looked at me and said “you’re talkative today(sarcasm) what’s up?” I looked down when I said it and I just said “I don’t want to be rude I just don’t really want to talk” before I knew it I looked up and he was halfway across the restaurant his only response was “ok” and the rest of the night he clearly went out of his away to avoid me and all of a sudden acted like he didn’t know how to be civil with me. I don’t get it, what is happening? How can he just say ok and walk away from me? I just feel like if he cared I would either hear from him besides just at work or in that moment he would have say ANYTHING more than just okay. Do I really have a chance at making this work? What do I do?? Please help!!

    1. Avatar

      Kay

      November 15, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      Hi amor we work in a restaurant so he doesn’t have to talk to me I also tried to put emphasis on the fact that he goes out of his way to talk to me at work. When I told him I didn’t want to talk I said it with nobody around. I just get the feeling that if he can be so okay at work and not reach out to me once in tha 6 weeks we’ve been broken up then that probably means h is over me. Should I give up? I’m losing hope I don’t know how this all happened

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 9:54 pm

      You’re still in no contact right? Finish that first, and then think about whether you want to initiate after no contact.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 11:45 am

      Hi Kay,

      honestly, it just looks like he wants to be friendly at work so, that it’s not awkward with other people.

  12. Avatar

    Amber

    October 28, 2016 at 7:25 pm

    Hello I dated a guy a work with for 6 months its started off as more of a physical relationship but grew into much more. until one day he stopped all communication which felt like out of no where, I have completed my no contact rule however I am always the one to message him and it doesn’t feel like were moving forward at all he always responds but it takes him hours to get back to me and has never asked to meet up im trying my best to stay postitive but he shown no interest and I feel like we are at a stand still please HELP

    1. Avatar

      amber

      November 24, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      Questions are great !
      I appreciate the help
      we were talking for about a week but now we have not really talked for about a month.
      we have just recently started talking again at work which seems to be going well. he syays good morning to me every morning and it seems to be a little flirting going on but im not sure if its me just thinking that
      im not to sure where to go fromn here and I have no idea what to ever talk to him about

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2016 at 7:33 pm

      Ah.. Just keep doing that..slowly buold rapport by havubg fun chats..even if it’s short, as long as it’s fun, that’s good..

    3. Avatar

      amber

      November 22, 2016 at 10:22 pm

      Questions are great I appreciate your help.
      we talked for about a week.
      we have not talked for about another month now.
      he has just recently started making small talk with me at work.
      the last couple days we have been joking with eachother at work a little, its seems to be a little flirtatious lol
      I have no idea where to go from here

    4. Avatar

      amber

      November 15, 2016 at 5:15 pm

      i have changed myself for the better i believe i have joined the gym and have been eating healthier since our no contact and i spend much more time with my friends i dont drop my plans with them any more and go running for him i dont text him as much. i believe i have changed myself in many ways for the better with confidence. i did the no contact rule for 60 days as he went away for school so was not at work for the 60 days which helped and he just got back last week and since my last post he does not even respond to me any more and doesn not make eye contact at work any more and avoids me at all times

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 10:02 pm

      I’m sorry I keep asking questions. How long have you been talking? Because if it’s just been a week, then sometimes it would really still be awkward. And what topics are you using?

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2016 at 2:50 am

      Hi Amber,

      how many days did you do the no contact rule and how much did you improve?

  13. Avatar

    kay

    October 27, 2016 at 9:38 pm

    Okay so It says to friend zone your ex FIRST, then flirt, then friend zone, and so on and so forth. Buttt, after no contact, how do you first friend zone them? After keeping things strictly business how do you then friend zone them at work? I would imagine after NC you would flirt, and then pull back but this suggest friend zoning first. How exactly do you do this after NC? I mean like specifically in person, I guess texts too but really in person, since I will be seeing him at work the day my NC ends.

    1. Avatar

      kay

      October 31, 2016 at 3:58 pm

      Okay thanks. I just purchased PRO and i am a little confused. On the part about Tide Theory Chris has a list of how many texts you should send. Does he mean total in the whole conversation? And he also goes from Day 1 to Day 2 to Day 3 and so on and so forth but to me that seems a little intense. You dont text your ex for 30 days and then your are supposed to text them everyday? Except for where he says wait half a day? Which I’m not sure what he means by this either. If you are texting them everyday then aren’t you waiting 1 day between starting a new conversation? Im sorry but Im just really confused and would really appreciate it if you could help me understand this. Texting my ex everyday seems like not a good idea, and really pushy

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2016 at 1:03 pm

      that’s just a guide.. that’s why on the first days you’re only going to send less than 10 texts. there’s another style, the 50-50..if you want you can try that.. you’ll reply in the equal amount of texts he sends.

      or just text him every other day.. whatever works for you..as long as you dont over text

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2016 at 12:52 am

      by just being friendly. Don’t initiate a relationship talk with him, nor a feelings talk.. Basically treat him like how you would treat your friends. Just be polite. if you bump into each other, smile and then just go on. Like, be casual..

  14. Avatar

    Susan

    October 11, 2016 at 10:12 pm

    Was seeing coworker. Got close in work then in the holiday (8weeks) talked every day and dated (just talking and affection, he was open/sharing). Last date was the end of hols then communication dropped but text he was busy back to work.

    See him in passing most days.

    We’d say hi but was distant. Tried initiating text, again he was busy. Later he approached to say sorry had a family issue, he’d be in touch next week. Heard nothing. He was withdrawn. I text to ask was he ok. No answer for a week. Then a reply saying sorry he’s not ignoring me.

    He seems happy now, always talking/joking with others but I can’t get him alone. Again approached me very briefly to say he had no phone but will message.

    Now he’s back to smiles, winks, hi in passing and I’m friendly back. But he’s not talking to me, in or out of work. He has a phone now (think new number) but hasn’t messaged. This has happened over 5weeks.

    I feel he lost interest, I don’t know how to get it back? I haven’t contacted, just smile/hi in response to him. Techically hasn’t said it’s over but I’m shut out. If we didn’t work in the same building I don’t think I’d have heard from him. I just want to talk again.

    1. Avatar

      Susan

      October 13, 2016 at 4:14 pm

      I know, he basically ghosted while still being polite in person.

      I haven’t initiated anything for 2weeks but I’m probably too friendly still. Thanks for replying.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 8:08 pm

      ok that’s good.. You’re welcome! And be active in improving yourself 🙂

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Susan,

      I think you need to take it as a break up.. because that’s how it looks like.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  15. Avatar

    Hayley

    October 9, 2016 at 6:40 am

    Hi Chris, I was seeing my boss for about 6 months.. Nobody at work was aware of our situation, but I was getting fed up with no progression within our relationship.. I sparked the conversation & he said work always hangs over him & that he thinks that our connection was mainly physical ( we didn’t really discuss feelings too much) so I said let’s call it a day as I’m not going to invest myself in somebody who is essentially sitting on the fence about me, once I’ve realised I do have feelings for him… I’m unsure why he ever took the risk with me to begin with if he had no plan to commit.

    He has sent a few messages since we ended about a week ago, asking how I am.. I’m finding it extremely difficult to work with him after all this.

    Help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2016 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Hayley,

      decide. If you want commitment, you have to assess your standards. You cant force so the best you can do is assess your standard.. Either you stay with him and give him a chance or you walk away because he’s clearly not into commitment. I’m going to assume you sleep with, (if not, correct me) but when he said it’s only physical, that means that’s all he wants.

  16. Avatar

    Eden

    October 6, 2016 at 11:00 pm

    HI, I left a comment before on another post and didn’t receive a response so if someone could please respond that would be amazing I am so desperate at this point !!!!
    So my ex of 3 months broke up with me about 2 months ago. We go to the same church and work together at sunday school so I see him around a lot and at different community events. After he broke up with me I texted him and basically begged him to come back and he said it would be better and less painful for both of us to just end it and then I asked him to just meet him since we will be seeing eachother a lot and I want to be civil and he basically said the same thing of it would be less painful for both of us not to meet up etc. Then I did not contact him for a month and I did not see him since he was away and after a month when I saw him again at church I asked him to go for a walk with me and we did and we caught up on things and he started kissing me and saying that feelings don’t just go away and how he misses me and he brought up old memories and stuff and by the end of the walk I said “so what now?” and he said that we shouldn’t get back together he said he doesnt want to hurt me again and cause more pain for himself and I said what if we take it really slow and he said no I dont think thats a good idea either and then I said you are totally right, now is not a good time for us maybe in a year or so and he said “Maaaaaaaybeeeeee”, I said I am happy he is doing well and would love to be friendly/ civil with him and he asked if I was joking and I said that I was serious and then he said I wouldn’t mind going out for a drink sometime and I did not really give him a response and we kissed a little more and then parted ways and then I messaged him the next day and he didnt respond to me and I saw him at church and he acted like I did not exist like didn’t say hi to me or anything and then a week later when i saw him again at sunday he said “good morning” and i nodded and then later I asked someone else a question about some food that was being served and he answered the question even though It was not addressed to him and i just didnt say anything and he was lingering around me the whole day instead of being with his students but did not say anything to me. and then this week when I saw him again he didnt try to talk to me or anything. I don’t know what to do at this point. please help!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 9, 2016 at 3:57 pm

      Hi Eden,

      your previous post was answered one day after you posted it, so maybe that’s why you didn’t see it..

      You went too fast after no contact and then you also conveyed that you would wait for him when you asked if there’s a chance after a year.. He has to think you have moved on, and that you kept improving to have higher chances of him being attracted back to you again.. You wouldnt appear as an ungettable girl, if he knows you’ll get back with him in a heartbeat and that you’ll wait for him no matter how long it has been..

  17. Avatar

    Angie

    October 1, 2016 at 5:46 am

    Hi Amor and team,

    It’s me again, would like to update about my jpanese ex who’s also my coworker from my previous comments below.. hope you still rmb 😉 (and btw I bought the complete set of tge E books)

    While doing NC I tried to hv fun, like went to holiday and also start to cook as new hobby and i believe he saw these in Instagram. However sometimes i snapped out of emotion by unfollow and block his IG and private out my fb from him (i cant unfriend his fb bcoz coworkers will questioning). This happened bcoz i feel disgusted that he post sth that’s so unlike him (related to the girl who seem like close to him and support him when he was down) and whenever i saw updates he always like any post of this girl (fyi this girl is already married and hv 1 child. I know well enough he wont date her but still.. )

    However aside of those mistakes, i tried my best to act like nothing happened and keep myself busy.

    After I did NC 30 days I tried to text him again. Yeah I was wrong, didn’t really follow the texting guide, what I did is just asking how is he and ask if he has time for coffee or lunch but turns out he replied one-word coldly. After that i apologize for any bad attitude that i did to him recently and stated that i wish to talk to him again like how we used to and he didnt reply. After that I checked his fb and turns out he private down his posts where ppl tag him..

    Then i went NC another week.

    Surprisingly when i approached him again thru text he suddenly invite me out for the next day. I swear i didnt intend to invite him; i just wanna chat over text or phone.

    Then we talk about when and where to meet like normal. He was the one who decided to make it dinner time so i gave him some options of places and he pick a quite romantic one.

    When we met it really feels like we havent meet for long time. We catch up about gossips around our company and update about our friends and family. He even gave a slice of his food to me. And tried my dessert using the same spoon that i used. However i feel like both of us keep out from talking about our relationship or other personal things deeply. He knows i went to holiday but he didnt ask who i went with. He told me he also went somewhere but didnt tell me what he did and with who and i didnt ask anything about it also. We even dont talk about why i block him in ig although he slipped out sth like “ah yes i saw that in your ig post before!” Bu then we both play it “safe” and dont talk about social media furthermore.

    It went very well with lots of laugh and friendly for 3 hours. He sometimes stand near me when we stood or walk beside me. And even waited for me until i got taxi. He closed the car door for me and waves nicely to me then text me sth like thank you for the dinner and in the end he said “lets go out again soon!”

    However.. after that 3 weeks has passed and he dont initiate any contact to me at all. Nothing changed much except that he become normal; sometimes he ask the meaning of english word (previously he will avoid talking to me very much) and start saying goodbye/see you to everyone including me when he go home.

    I tried to text (rarely) sometimes showing that i care e.g. when i see him look very tired at office. He replied quite friendly but then he’d stop replying suddenly. When i say sth like “get well soon” when he got sick he didnt even reply.

    Should i invite him out for 2nd time? I was tempted bcoz of his text after that dinner that gave a vibe like he wants to go out again with me. But there’s chance that he was just checking if i hv moved on or whether im ok or not.

    I was confused between keep trying or stop bcoz it seem so hard.. i feel like he really isn’t into me anymore..

    1. Avatar

      Angie

      October 6, 2016 at 6:22 am

      Hi Amor,

      thanks for your response.

      I realized about it and should have accept the fact but somehow I dont want to give up and stop hoping. I truly realized I was too horrible to him in the past and he couldn’t accept me anymore even after I realized my mistakes and try to change myself to be better.

      Honestly, I planned to once again seek any opportunity to invite him and try to tell him how I feel about him and that I want to try once again, this time with the “newer me”. I was thinking that, if he turns out to still have enough feelings for me and accept me then it’s good. However if he state clearly that he dont want to be with me anymore then hopefully I can clear my head off him and cleanse all the hope and wishes about him.

      Do you think it’s a good closure? Or should I just let everything slide off and give up without saying anything anymore to him?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 8, 2016 at 6:13 pm

      if that’s what will help you get closer, go ahead.. but I don’t agree.. If I were you, I would just move on…

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 3, 2016 at 6:02 pm

      Hi Angie,

      honestly it looks like he just checked how you were.. and then he’s being distant because he doesn’t want you to expect more..

  18. Avatar

    Chisom

    September 20, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    HI AMOR,

    I have already started NC!! 6 days now and it has been hell!! Do i still talk…. To him?? Will he even respond???

    I was asked to start a 21 day Nc

    Please reply
    Thank you

    1. Avatar

      Chisom

      September 24, 2016 at 9:47 am

      HI AMOR,
      So what should i do, u still didnt advice on my issue, still???

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2016 at 9:05 pm

      Sorry I wan’t clear. I have to find the first comment you made and the advice I gave, because it’s hard to justify why I said what I said at that time because I can’t remember it.. I’m kind of grasping on limited information. But with what you said, it looks like you weren’t broken up yet when you first commented, am I right? But if I’m going to disregard that, since it’s already been a week and you’ve already broken up with him, then it’s better to follow now what Chris said.

    3. Avatar

      Chisom

      September 23, 2016 at 6:23 am

      Hi amor,
      I told u about the relationship with my boss who was blowing hot and cold because we work together.
      So i broke up with him and although he told me it wasn’t a good decision and i should call when am ready to talk, i haven’t spoken to him.
      I sent a mail to @Chris and i was told to do a 21 day Nc.
      I had already asked u here and saw u said i should speak to him first.
      Now its been a week and we haven’t spoken i need ti know what to do.
      Because i am getting different opinions from the same site.
      He is pissesd off with me cuz we work together and i need to know if am doing the right thing by not speaking to him.
      I need a reply Asap.
      Thank u

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2016 at 8:06 am

      I can’t find the comment where I said you should speak to him first. Is it a different email add? Because maybe my advice then was only for that timeframe..

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 22, 2016 at 4:04 pm

      Hi Chisom,
      I cant’ find your previous comments.. who asked you to do a 21 days nc? When and why did you break up?

  19. Avatar

    Chisom

    September 15, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    Hi chris.
    My issue is confusing, i dated my boss and broke things off yesterday.
    His not married but our issues are mostly beacuse he felt he was doing d wrong thing by dating his employee.
    To cut this short, he told me to leave or else we cant continue if i still work foe him
    But the issue is, he keeps blowing hot and cold and i just couldn’t figure out where i stood with him
    He told me yesterday that he has alot to say when the time is right and that breaking up wasnt a good decision.
    He called like 5 times but i refused to pick up.
    He sent a text and told me i have his number if i want to talk.
    I haven’t replied or texted back.
    Should i do the NC rule?
    Or is this different

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 18, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      Hi Chisom,

      I think you should talk to him first.

  20. Avatar

    Jean

    September 14, 2016 at 2:51 pm

    My exboyfriend and I broke up about 4 days ago for the second time in a year after a 10 year long relationship and I have been doing no contact since that. The problem is I’m considering if I should attend a wending of a common friend(I only have common friends with him) that’s happening in a few days. I want to be strong and don’t break down in front of him but at the same time I want to show up to say ‘I’ve gone through this and I’m alive’ and it’s the last thing he expects is me showing up. What would be the best thing to do in this case? If I consider going, how should I proceed if he decides eventually wants to talk of how he left things or something like that?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 17, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      Hi Jean,

      go to the wedding because you wanted to go, not just because you wanted to show him that you’re strong. If he talks to you, listen. Just don’t engage in a fight.

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