This has been a hot topic lately.

And it’s funny…

I have written my fair share of articles on Ex Boyfriend Recovery but I haven’t ever covered something like this.

I mean, sure I have written an article on how to handle disapproving friends and family but an exes mom causing a breakup?

Well, that’s new territory.

Ahem… perhaps I should re-explain.

That WAS new territory because having a mom cause a breakup between you and your ex is the topic of my latest podcast episode. You see, about a week ago I got a really interesting voicemail.

A woman who wanted to remain anonymous told me that her exes mom had a hand in their breakup and she claims that her ex boyfriend says that he is still in love with her.

Check it out,

Video Of Episode 54 (My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me)

So, Here’s The Low Down…

  • Today’s question comes from a woman who wants to remain anonymous
  • Throughout anonymous’ relationship, her ex was constantly pressured by his family to break up with her (especially his mom)
  • They were together for a year and a half
  • The pressure and constant fighting with his parents has carried over into their relationship and ultimately resulted in a breakup
  • She is on day 5 of the no contact rule
  • And wonders if she has any hope?

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • The fact that this is a very common issue that I am seeing a lot of lately
  • Two personal stories relating to this exact situation
  • It’s extremely difficult to change his parents mind about you
  • The big strategy you should employ revolves around “The Frank Sinatra” effect and regret
  • Jealousy tactics
  • And much more…
I Want My Ex Back
Do You Have A Chance?

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Transcript For This Episode

Click Here For The Transcript Of Episode 54

 

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104 thoughts on “EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me”

  1. Avatar

    May

    April 20, 2018 at 9:45 pm

    Hi EBR team, I experience a similar situation. My boyfriend broke up with me because his parent are very possessive and against us. He blocked me after we had an argument and I apologized. So I am on day 20 of NC rule right now. I don’t know if doing NC rule would just give his mom another chance of proving herself “right”. He hasn’t unblocked me, and I don’t know what to do once 30 day NC rule is over.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2018 at 9:51 pm

      Hi May! I wrote an ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recover Pro, that is essentially a Companion Guide that is designed to help you step by step what to do during the entire break up process, particularly what kinds of texts you can send after the NC period is over and what you should be doing while in NC. It is pretty comprehensive and I a sure it will help you as its meant to optimize a person’s chances of success. So go take a look at that ebook and other services I offer on my website Menu/Products link. As far as him blocking you, I am guessing that will change in the future. Not sure why he would be under the spell of his parents to such an extent, but time will tell if and when he will start looking at things through a more independent lens! Lets us know how things proceed, May!

    2. Avatar

      May

      April 20, 2018 at 10:05 pm

      Hi! Thanks for the quick reply! I will take a look at the book. And what do you mean by “As far as him blocking you, I am guessing that will change in the future.” specifically?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2018 at 1:34 am

      Hi May. What I mean is that blocking is usually an emotional act. Sometimes an angry act. Most often when someone is blocked, they end up being unblocked later. Not always, but most of the time. As you execute your plan (as discussed in the ebook) your chances of being unblocked increase.

    4. Avatar

      May

      April 23, 2018 at 11:21 pm

      Hi Chris. I have one more question… I think both my ex and I will be working in the same office soon, like next month…Especially being blocked by him out of the blue, we haven’t talked for a month. I don’t know what attitude should I have when randomly running into him. Any suggestions?

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 11:39 pm

      Try smiling. You don’t have to say anything. Perhaps he might spend the rest of the day wondering why you smiled!

  2. Avatar

    Hannah

    October 26, 2017 at 10:54 am

    Loved this podcast. I broke my NC rule after 4 days coz be contacted me. He is has even questioned me on why I saw and treated him so different to ex’s in the past. Is this a good sign there he could be missing me? Like this woman in the podcast he ended the relationship because his family were against it, especially his mum, down to cultural differences.

  3. Avatar

    Sasha

    August 20, 2017 at 1:58 am

    Hello again! Wanted to ask a followup before really getting a plan in motion. I had posted on another page then was recommended I come here, which is the EXACT scenario I’m in!

    A mutual friend came to town a few days ago and visited my ex, and afterward came to me with a lot of info about how he feels etc. My ex is afraid to talk to me because he believes I’m furious about the breakup. I want to let him know that I am not mad so he wouldn’t be afraid to contact, but I’m already on day 9 of NC and I don’t want to make our friend a middle man.

    Suggestions please?!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 6:58 pm

      what did he say about what your ex feels? did he say that you’re ex is now taking a stand on what he really wants? Because if not, that doesn’t change your situation. If yes, talking to him is not going to change too.. if he really means it, he has to do it.

  4. Avatar

    sunita

    August 11, 2017 at 9:22 am

    I have been talking to this guy for 4 months and he assured me that he will be dating in August. We both are in our final semesters and we agreed to wait.

    Lately he has been hesistant and have been saying his mother has been trying to get some girls to date. He says that he doesnt trust his judgement with woman due to his past relationships.

    On wednesday he told me that his sister and mum had set up a date with a girl. He told me that he will date me, he jst needs to get over this hurdle of meeting with the girl.

    On Thursday, he was acting strange and later started argueing with me that we are very different and went we shouldnt be dating.

    He later told me that he told his mum about me and our 10 year age gap and she said no, he should be dating someone older.

    He told me to leave and nothing can work out between us. I wished him well and he did the same.

    Afew days later he started talking to me, afterwich he suddenly texts me that there is a girl his mother picked & he likes her. We nvr had chemistry etc & he blocked me on whatsapp & fb. He mentioned he is going to be dating her.

    I do want him back. What should I be doing ?

    1. Avatar

      Sunita

      August 19, 2017 at 2:54 pm

      What exactly should i be doing ? There is alot of information in the podcast. I am at day 9 on the NC, he hasnt contacted me yet but he seems like he doessnt care. He is posting pics on going of and having lots of fun.
      Please advise what i should be doing in this instance ?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 6:37 pm

      it would be better if you listen to it, because the podcast, Chris, gives better advise and he said all of the things that can help for you situation. I may have left out some of it with just summarizing it. Are you actively improving yourself?

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 11, 2017 at 4:59 pm

      do you want to try the advice above?

  5. Avatar

    Lovebird

    July 21, 2017 at 2:21 am

    Hi,
    I have had the same issue. I am 30, he is 28. We are neighbors and both 2nd year Medical School Students. He is Turkish ( came to the us when he was 13) My Family is Pakistani, and pretty assimilated. Both are very similar cultures, our families are the same religion. We are both don’t practice religion, it’s not a huge thing for us. We were together 8months. It began very intensely and he was very romantic. I learned very quickly that his mother, is pretty insane. His wife requirements include:
    1) Tall
    2) Turkish
    3) Speaks Fluent Turkish
    4) Wealthy

    I only meet requirement one. Month 3 she made angry faces on my facebook pictures with him. ( Should have been my red flag to EJECT!) but… being from an immigrant family myself, I sort of laughed it off. He said she was scared, and I thought, ” Hey no biggie she’ll come around” oh boy was I wrong!
    Over the course of our relationship she would say
    1) my kids would have down syndrome because I’m 30 and have medical school to finish
    2) Our families would hate each other ( makes no logical sense as to why unless, she decided to be a hideous person)
    3) I’d bring shame on her family
    4) Foreign women take their son’s away from their mother

    Well after discussing each of those things in a logical way, I felt like we were doing well. We seemed strong, but he would occasionally say he felt guilty by going against her wishes.

    Then the douzy hit. Dec 2016 he broke up out of the blue saying he couldn’t handle hurting her. It was time to go home after our semester for Winter break. She made a huge fuss about how she had sacrificed so much for him and how she was in so much unbelievable pain blah blah because he continued to be in a relationship with me.

    Now this is the part that sucks. Remember how I said we were neighbors… well we were friends, ( no benefits!) seriously friends, but he wouldn’t leave me alone, we would do everything together. It felt like we were still together. Until it happened we got back together! and then time for Summer break. And now here we are…..

    Being in medical school and taking behavior science. I learned that he is from and enmeshed family system. Therefore, an individual really, isn’t allow to have separate feelings aside from “the families” feelings. He clearly is NOT happy. He clearly also loves me. The current one liner is ” I love you, but I’n not in love with you.”
    I sent him some information about mother-enmeshed men, and about setting boundaries regarding parental control… He fought with me over text saying that, ” I am not controlled by my MOTHER!”

    and we have been been now contact now for a little over 20 days or so. A part of me would love for him to feel enough regret to break free. The other part knows he can’t do it with out clinical therapy, regarding enmeshment. He comes back in 2 weeks and it’s very hard to be in love with someone, feel that they love you too, and watch them be defenseless, spineless doormats to their families will.

    I’ll try the Sinatra! Do my best in Medicine, Go to Gym more regularly… I’ll keep y’all posted.

    If you have any advice that will be great..

    also fun fact! I posted in some Turkish forums and they said that it wasn’t even that much of a taboo for two people of our race to be together in Turkey… which I sort of knew because my aunt is also Turkish. So this is all just his mother being an insane, controlling, bitter hag. ( yes I hate her and I am very bitter)

  6. Avatar

    Sophie

    March 11, 2017 at 8:53 am

    Hello, I’m in desperate need for help!

    I’m 28 years old and I was with my ex on and off for 4 years. Two of the three times we broke up was because his parents don’t approve of me (they are the controlling type and they want this to be done their way; they intervene in our relationship and when I made it clear to him that I disapprove of this approach he talked to them and they have hated me since). He left me for them but denied it was for them, he doesn’t like to admit that he’s 34 and still listens to his parents regarding whom he should marry. Then i cut him off completely for a year, he tried to text me a lot but I never responded. Until he called me recently and said he wants to marry me and will convince his parents, even if they insist he will still choose me. So I gave him a shot. He spent two months trying with them, then told me he cannot keep doing this because it’s breaking his family apart – he decided to stop trying and choose them although he knows it’s unfair to me. This happened last week, and although I tried to reason with him, he still insisted it’s for the best and wished me good luck.

    I obviously don’t want to be with someone who can’t stand up for me, and I’m not sure he’ll ever change. I don’t know what to do, I still love him.

    1. Avatar

      Sophie

      March 31, 2017 at 6:00 am

      Thank you. The only issue is that this time (and last time as well) the break up happened because of his mother’s disapproval of me – there wasn’t a ‘need’ for me to change, we were very happy but he couldn’t face his parents.

      I’m very happy with how I am right now, yes I’m not perfect obviously, but there is nothing that I did that caused this break up – they hate me because I asked their son to leave the relationship’s decisions up to us both and no one else. And I don’t think I need to change this about myself.

      I guess the only hope I have is if he would regret it and build some strength and face them through this NC. But I obviously can’t control that.

    2. Avatar

      Sophie

      March 30, 2017 at 9:14 am

      Thanks, Amor.

      I’m now on day 16 of NC. But, I’m just wondering, I’ve done this a few times already, does the NC rule stop working or become less effective the more times you do it? Whenever I applied it, it’s always been successful. However, last time I ignored my ex for a whole year (wasn’t planning a NC rule, I just wanted to move on for real), and once I did respond to him he wanted to get back together. I’m not sure what the probability of this succeeding again πŸ™

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2017 at 7:18 pm

      yes, the more you do it the less it can help and the key is genuine change.. that’s actually a common scenario that when the woman decides to move on, that’s when the guy notices her..because the change is more for herself and not for him..

    4. Avatar

      Sophie

      March 16, 2017 at 9:04 am

      Thanks for your response, Amor.

      Yes, I agree. I don’t plan on waiting, I’ve always tried to live my life to the fullest whether he’s around or not. I’m just wondering if after the contact period I should even try to reach out. I mean, in our last conversation it was clear that I was trying to reason with him and he chose his parents regardless of it being unfair (although it was his idea to fight for this relationship and this is why I gave him a shot to begin with). So, I’m not sure how I can even contact him first if he doesn’t reach out. I’m not sure I can influence any real change while being far.

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 5:58 pm

      if you want to reach out, dont reason..just talk.. see if it progresses over time.. if it doesn’t, move on..

    6. Avatar

      Sophie

      March 15, 2017 at 6:42 am

      Thank you for your response. I guess my question is if it’s even possible to make him regret it.

      I know for a fact he still checks on me via social media, and I know for a fact he still has feelings for me. When we broke up in the past, I’ve always been successful in making him come back without too much effort. My issue is this time he seems to be convinced that it’s the right thing to do; not to hurt his parents any longer and “sacrifice” his happiness, even if it means I’ll be miserable too.

      I’m not sure what I can do to get through to him and make him want to fight for me again.

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2017 at 8:01 am

      he will probably regret it, especially if you kept growing and improving but you cant change other people, that will be their decision. The more you wait, the more you’re showing that he’s attitude right now is ok for you.

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2017 at 5:36 pm

      Hi Sophie,

      Try the no contact rule so you have time to heal and reflect..

  7. Avatar

    cammi

    November 12, 2016 at 6:17 am

    Okay so my ex and I have been on and off for about 2 years but he still loves me and says he does, vice versa. The major issue we have is his mum… he is conflicted because family means a lot to him and he doesn’t want his mother disowning him since she is ver stubborn and her way is the only way.

    WE are both 21 turning 22 in about a week, so yes still young!

    Background info: We dated for 2 years and a half then we broke up in september 2013. He is from Hong Kong and I am Middle eastern. The race is not an issue, the issue is a lie I told when I was 16… and the mother has disliked me since. SO she obviously has a problem with me but I don’t know how to tell him that’ll be okay… My mother says if he loves me enough he won’t be scared of his mother.. because he says it’s not as simple as “just don’t listen to her” his older brother doesn’t talk to his family anymore… he does not want to be in that place.

    I love him and he cares for me deeply.. asking my friend how I am in the space of a break.. but he has been asking everyone for advise. He is confused and is scared if we proceed down this road that the future will hurt us more if his mum doesn’t approve.

    He gave her an example last time: “If I was to be gay and brought home a guy what would do, would you accept it?”
    she said she never would, “don’t never bring him home, don’t try and force me to accept something I wont” and he applied this theory to me and that his mum won’t change her mind???

    He is just scared to either fully commit or let go… but WHAT do you all think? Does couple counselling help him realise… he told me himself when we broke up he missed me and wish we didn’t break up.

    deep down he says he should move on and not hurt us anymore but “he can’t seem to end it, or want to close the book”but he still has strong feelings and says “if i didn’t, i wouldn’t have wasted my time to come see you and talk on the phone as much or go through all these fights”

    HELP!!

    1. Avatar

      cammi

      November 12, 2016 at 6:19 am

      Obviously after both of us having a girlfriend and boyfriend after ours.. we still tend to come back and be stronger friends. Pretty much a couple without the “title”.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 14, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      Hi Cammi,

      Realistically, if he can’t stand for you, then there’s nothing you can do. And I think he can’t do it because he’s still young. So, right now, you have to move on because it’s not the right time yet.

  8. Avatar

    annonymous

    August 30, 2016 at 8:27 am

    Hi

    I just baught ex boyfriend recovery pro yesterday and have read until the text stage. I get hat I need to start NC rule…but need to explain my situaltion first so that should I even keep the hope:

    Me and him completed 3 years this June.We both live in USA and our families are in India. We were in a great relationship. In fact the way he loved and cared for me for the best thing ever. It was exceptional. Last year we introduced each other to our familes and everything went great like a fairy tale.Our families met each other and we got engaged in October last year. I used to call his parents every other day and all was great.We were planning wedding for this dec when he suddenly got laid off from his job this june. It was shock for everyone. The other situation is that I have a lot of education loan and his dad already paid off his. Although we had cleared this to them before but they had concern about my loan and it just got aggrevated after he was laid off. They wanted my parents to take responsiblilty for it I guess. His Dad said this to my dad on phone and for my dad that was pretty humiliating and concerning that why are they nagging so much into m finances and I already have job and I will take care of it. I family got pretty upset and figured that this will create issue for me in future as he listens a lot to his family. So my Dad has a drinking problem and he called his dad after getting drunk and humiliated him by saying that they are money minded and a lot more(unexceptable and abusive stuff).My dad called and apologized next day. Even I called and apologized several times.

    They can not take it and my boyfriend can not take it as well. They are putting everything on my dad. He says he loves me a lot and will always care about me but he can never respect my dad as he humiliated and threatend his dad so this can never work as taking my side means he lets down his parents.He is heart broken too. My parents are against thishis are against this they literally hate each other and he hates my dad. I have tried so much to convinse him that we can make them agree but he says even the thoughtof taking my side makes him feel he is humiliating his family. Last three years I had a lot of issues in my life career wise and emotionally but he was always by me in my tough time.He loves me alot. He literally is crying for me. But this has become a choice for him. What should I do??? How will he come back? He says I can always call him whenever I need him but we cant be together.He will always care for me and have my back but cant marry me. What to do???? Everyone is very much hurt here

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 12:48 pm

      Hi Anonymous,

      a marriage is between you and him only.. not you, him, his family and your family.. Let him be right now to reflect and just continue improving yourself so that you have more reasons to make him regret.

  9. Avatar

    Anchali Thakur

    August 13, 2016 at 10:08 am

    Hi Team,
    My boyfriend has broke up with me, due to several reasons my behavior, my attitude, my health, my family behavior and my family expectations. I know he is from a lower class family and I’m from a middle class family. I never asked him for anything in our 10 months relationship, however he did lot of things to make me happy always. His family was also very happy with me they have accepted me without any issues. My boyfriend is so loving caring and romantic too. He lived with his family and in Indian culture it very bad if girl n boy staying together in night. My parents are in different city, so on weekends my boyfriend stays with me only at my place and his family never created any scene on that. I’m not aggressive I know but the way he questioned me I felt like that he is thinking I’m lying so sometimes I shouted on him. Once I forced him for breakup due to his this behavior, but that time he was sorry and asked me for final chance to improve himself. For the sake of love I forgave him and continued the relationship. We went for holidays we spent lot of special time together. Sometimes we fought on small small issues but never came up on breakup decision. He really loves me a lot and it means world to me. Me and my boyfriend and his family went to my city to meet my parents for marriage purpose. Due to different community some cluges came up and my family insulted them intentionally but not showing them that are insulting his family, however they were feeling inside a lot. My boyfriend was so upset with me and he didn’t talked with me at all and his mom and sister was also so much against of me the way my family welcomed them. When we were coming back in train my boyfriend didn’t talk to me at all, I was feeling too restless when he was not talking to me. Then his mom came and started talking about my family behavior and all, as he did a lot for me and thinks that my didn’t worth him at all. But next day afternoon he was fine started talking to me but little bit not as earlier I was fine with that. Meanwhile my family called and denied for our relationship as they don’t have status and don’t know how to behave at someone’s house. I was completely out of my mind I was feeling so bad from inside but only one thing was roaming around “fine if my family is not happy with him I’ll be with him I’ll take this relationship as a challenge to my parents that he is the only one for me and better from my family”. When we came back to our city I went directly to his house. He was normal with me everything was fine and I wanted to hug him tight as I was feeling too low because of the things which was going inside my heart n mind. I don’t know what happened I was in call and he started questioning “who was there” “did he called you or you called”, I got confused as my friend was another side and he is in front of me I gave a hand sign to my boyfriend to wait I don’t know how come he thought that I got angry and showing him attitude and it was nothing like that at all, he misunderstood the things. He stopped talking to me I felt it that something went wrong with him I asked what happen then he screwed me like hell. I started crying and tried to make him understand that I didn’t mean that whatever you felt. I tried to make him understand that I’m already going through with a bad emotions due to family and I need you how come I’ll behave with you like this. He forced me to say what happened then I told him about my family decision then his family also started with there issues with full force. I tried to make them understand that I don’t have any single little issue with you and his family his house his status. I explained him for me you’re the one that’s it. From that night he started distance from me I tried to contact him many times but he was not responding to my mszs n calls. Then after 3 days I went to his place to meet him to make him understand for me he is important nothing else. But he didn’t listened anything as he already decided in his mind to break up with me. Same I was not well n went to bathroom I fell down there and got injured in night, morning he was so caring I felt like my love is back, I started feeling good. I was at his place only for a week sometimes he talked with me sometime not. That weekend I pleaded him with full force that forgive me for whatever happened. After 2 hours of pleaded he was fine and came to me on my bed and was there with me only. He did dinner with me only he slept with me only. His mom asked him if wanted to sleep on other place but slept with me only. Sunday morning we woke up he prepared breakfast for me so that I can take medicine. It was really nice feeling for me as always whenever he is around me I feels like I’m complete. Afternoon my dad called and wanted to talk to him about whatever happened was not good and wanted to know that what is going in his mind and his family’s mind but nobody talked with them. After that I felt some changes in my boyfriend body language his smile everything was bothering me like something happened when I came back from bathroom. It was 26th July 2016, I tried to ask him what happened he was little rude but I was wondering about the situation that what exactly happened. I tried but I thought let him give some space will talk later, he went outside for shopping with his mom as I was on bed rest. They came back he was quite fine UT not like my old boyfriend, he got worried and gave me medicine as I was in high fever too. In night his mom and my boyfriend had a very big fight on a very small thing it was the first time in there life that they had this fight in there house I got so worried and was thinking what to do I tried that they guys stop this later on he went to his bed, I heard a sound which was bothering me that he was crying I went to him and he pulled me away from him by saying go away go away. Then his sister insisted me not to talk to him as of now he is not normal. I came back with a heavy heart as I don’t wanted to leave him like this. After sometime I checked he was sleeping. In morning he didn’t talked with me at all I tried lot of time to reach out to him but he was too far from me in the same room. I thought he is upset due to last night. I was just talking to him so that he won’t feel bad then he went without saying bye. Evening he came I again tried to talk to him he was busy smiling as I was pleading, he said lot of time don’t do this don’t do this. Then he hugged me as I requested him and dropped me to the auto stand, I asked him before leaving that everything okay na. He said yes. I smiled and left from his house then I think I did one mistake our relationship was updated in our Facebook account from November 2015. We keep on posting lot of stuff together people blessed us sent compliments and many more things. When I was in auto I wrote some very good lines on my boyfriend and posted our old photographs, I think I did a really very big mistake that time because earlier he used to do this. This time I initiated from my end. He texted me “delete the post now” the moment I logged in to my fb he blocked me from fb. I called him many times many times I dropped lot of text. But he was not interested to talk to me at all. I tried to talk with his family also his mom specially she was also wondered that why he is doing this. She told me to have patience let him think about it. I was very upset. Then I tried to contact him 2-3 a day but no response he blocked me from what’s app too. He dropped one text that I’ll come on Saturday with your belongings and gifts be ready with my stuffs. I was feeling so bad so bad was crying like hell. Then I made 3 cards for him sorry card, thank you card, love you card from my hand. I gave him he smiled and said “you did it late, I moved on from this relationship” I called his mom to make him understand to give me a chance single chance. She came but he didn’t listened any one I pleaded him a lot but he left with his stuff. I was in his family contact on daily basis as he was not responding me. Then 3 days ago I again tried to contact him as it was our 10th monthly anniversary. We always celebrate our monthly anniversary but this time nothing happened. I tried my level best but he said such things which is hurting me from inside he said I don’t have self respect I don’t worth him I don’t deserve him stop bothering me I have moved on I like a girl in office she also loves me so leave my way with these text I got hurted a lot like hell later on he said I don’t like anyone you may stop bothering me so I said this so please don’t bother me and my family at all. Then I dropped him a text give me last chance think for a week I won’t bother you and your family in this time period think about us once. Now please help me I’m so broken emotionally I’m not that strong I’m trying but nothing is happening as of now I’m following NC rule from 2 days. And I want him back in any condition take my life but really want him back. Please please please help me.

    1. Avatar

      Anchali Thakur

      August 17, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      Yes you’re right that I’m used to him being around, but is that my fault? He came to me everytime to be with me. You suggest how to come out of this situation. He pampered me a lot that I know. But now but now what I’ll do..? What is the real meaning of real love?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 18, 2016 at 9:20 pm

      it’s not really your fault.. it’s just something you need to change because it’s not helping you now.. take it slowly by having a new routine in your daily life that he is not included anymore.. That’s why it’s important to improve yourself during nc because it’s to help you start a new lifestyle without him.. In a way that you will have a new schedule that he has to adjust to once you get to talking again..

      You won’t be as available like before because you have your own life now..
      Real love is when you’re complete and he’s complete and each other is an addition to each other’s lives.. That when you know that if the relationship is not healthy anymore, you will leave even if it hurts.. The relationship is strong because both of you are willing to work for it because you love each other, not just because you need companionship or you’re already used to him being around..

    3. Avatar

      Anchali Thakur

      August 15, 2016 at 8:03 pm

      Hi Amor,
      I’m trying to improve my self but without him I’m nothing. Feeling incomplete, he loved me a lot suddenly he broke up. If something very bad happened then I could understand and those incidents make up your mind. But here I’m not in the position to handle my self even. The more I try to cope up I get into this. I’m hearing his voice in the room while trying to sleep. The moment I close my eyes only his face. I’m trying to eat but not able to. If I say something to myself no Anchali cope up concentrate on your work same time I heard voice “Jaan I love you so much, come”. I’m dying I’m dying each n every single day.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 17, 2016 at 10:59 am

      that’s normal but you have to fight through it..because it’s not real love if you can’t live without him.. that means you just need to feel loved and you’re used to him being around

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 14, 2016 at 3:24 pm

      Hi Anchali,

      but you do understand what Chris said right? That he has to stand up for you too.. For now focus in improving yourself. Make him regret leaving you.. But do the improvement for yourself.. not just for him. As a woman, you should value yourself and let the guy be a guy by proving to you that he deserves you.. So, don’t chase him

  10. Avatar

    Chanel

    August 11, 2016 at 9:54 pm

    My ex boyfriend cheated on me serveral times. He broke up with me 2 months ago after a almost 6 year relationship. When I found about about him cheating In May it was the final straw for me and I exploded like never before. Previous times when I found about about the cheating I tried to hit him & became so outraged with emotions. He broke up with me because he had enough of my craziness I suppose. I was willing to work things out yet again. I feel like his mother is telling him that he’s young and he shouldn’t have to go through things like this & shouldn’t commit to anyone right now. By the way, we are 23 years old. She actually told me something along those lines one of the previous times he cheated. She said that he’s young and that’s expected from someone who isn’t done “exploring his options”. I think my ex would’ve definitely been willing to give me another chance if his parents didn’t get involved. There are countless possibilities in my mind that might’ve contributed to our break up. Was our whole relationship a lie? Did he ever really care? He walked away and cut off all ties so easily. I wonder if he has some sort of emotional bond with one of the others that he cheated with. He was my first everything and it’s taking a toll on me.

  11. Avatar

    Annonymous

    August 10, 2016 at 4:21 pm

    I made a mistake and wrote him an email on day 20 of NC, because I believe his parents are coming soon and felt like it was my last chance to get in his head. He (of course) didn’t respond. It was extremely heartfelt, practical, not guilt-tripping him .. but from reading the site, it was the exact thing I should not have done. I’m going back on NC for 30 at minimum, and hopefully by then I won’t even want to contact him again. Do you think there’s any hope or did I screw up too much?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 11, 2016 at 6:33 pm

      The chance may have been less because of that and because it’s the second nc but make up for it by really trying to move on without totally moving on of course.. he has to see that you’ve moved on after that email.

  12. Avatar

    Clara

    August 7, 2016 at 8:06 pm

    Hi Amor,
    This is a bit irrelevant but I had finished NC with my ex and things were going fine. He was trying to push me into FwB and I said no. I was still trying to use seduction as Chris had explained before and kept backing out of actually sleeping with my ex the last minute. I noticed he started friend zoning me and so I started dating others and wanted to used social media to make him jealous. So I was in a common group for an event with him and I made my friend post some pictures of me with this guy (nothing too obvious… but just laughing together and him putting his arms around my shoulders) in the common group in addition to a few more photos of me with others. A few hours after this he contacted me asking something random like “whats up?” but I didn’t see his texts till the next day. So when I replied the next day he wrote something briefly and then stopped contacting me/ replying to me completely. This is very unlike him. He usually responds immediately. I was wondering if I lost him for good? Was the photos too much? What do you suggest I do? Should I use the “I have a confession to make…” text as Chris suggested to have him respond again?

    I would appreciate any help
    Thank you
    Clara

    1. Avatar

      Clara

      August 8, 2016 at 9:19 pm

      Hi Amor,
      Thanks for quick answer. He did finally reply and said he didn’t reply because he was in a bad mood because some girl he liked turned him down etc etc and how he cut her off and how hurt he was. He won’t go into too much and just said its complicated. He never talked about any other women with me before except once he said he was taking partner dancing lessons to meet girls. So is he just continuing to friend zone me or am I reading too much into it?
      Thank you
      Clara

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 10, 2016 at 3:49 pm

      hmm either he is friendzoning you or trying to make you jealous

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 8, 2016 at 12:11 pm

      Hi Clara,

      not yet…if it was too much, he wouldn’t have texted..maybe he eaa just busy…give it a few days

  13. Avatar

    ASQ

    August 7, 2016 at 8:45 am

    Hey! This is kinda long… I hope you don’t mind & reply because this is killing me day by day. I’m in a long distance relationship since the last almost 2 years & its been 2 months since we’re having dry conversations & he shows no interest whatsoever. I talk as the same as I used to, all excited but he seems annoyed for some reason I can’t know no matter how much I try to. When we first got together, he was sweet & even til the last 2 months before. He would always send me texts telling me he loves me, but he never really randomly called. Anyway, since he joined university there, he’s become kind of annoyed of everything. I understand everything that he is going through & in all situations, I stick with him positively & he actually appreciates it. He tells me he loves it when I care & all. However, he stopped showing any interest in me or my efforts & when I call him, he just seems like he’s all tired & annoyed of me. He sometimes tells me I’ve changed but the thing is that I don’t even know how. I try asking him & each time, he just says that he doesn’t wanna talk about it. Before he used to tell me he will never be able to see me with anybody else & that he would always come back if we break up. Well, how it looks like right now, he’s probably never gonna come back & I love him so much & I’m not looking forward to lose him at any cost or any time. However, I am working on myself to be improved. How he acts these days is just a clear sign that he’s never gonna come back (or maybe that’s what I am thinking because I’m scared). Last night, we talked over phone call & he had been mentioning since the last few weeks that breaking up would be better for us both & our future since he doesn’t see us getting together. But let me mention this before that he always said that we will somehow work it out & never say that we’ll never be able to get together. He was so positive about it since the last few weeks. I don’t think that if you’re truly in love with somebody, just a few weeks matter & lead to a breakup. I, in fact, told him so many times that if he needs a break, he can take it but come back to me with whatever the decision he has because its him who wants it, not me. He is all good with his friends & when he is out too, but not with me, as I said, he says I’ve changed & I feel the same about him. He says he still loves me but he doesn’t want to ruin anybody’s future but I’m kind of sure that he doesn’t & he’s lost all interest in me. I really love him so much & I want him to be with me forever (if that’s possible). If the times comes when I’ll be able to realize that all my efforts are wasted, I’ll move on right there. But for now, I feel like there’s still hope for me to not lose him & make it work somehow. It would mean the world to me if you advice me with it. I’m glad I came across this website & I seriously see some hope. All the love to all the EBR team!

    1. Avatar

      ASQ

      August 11, 2016 at 8:11 am

      Is it okay to start NC while still in relationship? I mean, we’re still figuring out & trying to talk.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 12, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      for me you should because it looks like that’s what he wants and he just can’t say it straight.. if you want, just don’t initiate contact and treat that time like no contact.. improve yourself , go out with friends. if he doesn’t contact for a month, initiate contact with him

    3. Avatar

      ASQ

      August 9, 2016 at 7:45 am

      No, we didn’t breakup yet. Til the last month, he said that he will never breakup with me & would ALWAYS find a way to work things out. All of a sudden, he’s started acting strange & says that the breakup will be good in every way.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 10, 2016 at 6:36 pm

      oh Ok.. well as you’ve said, he lost interest in you.. I think it’s time to do no contact and read this one too: How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

    5. Avatar

      ASQ

      August 9, 2016 at 6:41 am

      No, we didn’t breakup yet. But he keeps saying that it would be better for both of us, which I don’t see at all. I just think he is making excuses randomly to cut off. Just a month ago, he said that he never will breakup & would always find a way to work everything out.

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 8, 2016 at 10:21 am

      Hi Asq,

      I’m confused. Are you broken up or not?

  14. Avatar

    Nathaly

    August 6, 2016 at 8:40 pm

    Hi. I know this isnt very related. But what if your ex knows you are high value already but he says he’s looking for an specific type of girl.
    That in looks and personality u are a 10.
    When we first meet he was chasing me alot telling me im out of his leaguem but i kinda panick because he want it things to go too fast. We stop talking for around 2 months but i move back to my country and i said i will go to where he lvies seems he dis not want me to. He told me was depressed for been fat and was scared i wouldn’t like him because he is not good looking. Once we kinda fight, we never really officialy dated because at first i did not want it too. I know many secrets of him and he says i have a beautiful heart and i have said the most beautiful things.
    What now? Im alrrady ug girl. He is super shy and insecure. So no jelousy. Im super confuse please help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 7, 2016 at 11:42 am

      Hi Natalie,

      that’s hard because you’re saying, you’re not his type or you got one of his deal breaker right? that’s either you leave because you have your own standards too and you don’t want that to be compromise.. or you change it for him

  15. Avatar

    Annonymous

    August 5, 2016 at 11:07 am

    Is tricky, because while his parents are practicing Muslims, they’re not super devout. As for him, HE’S ATHEIST! And in the beginning, and has always been against people only dating people their parents approved of. It’s more of a culture/language thing β€” they can’t fathom having a blended family, and don’t know how the kids would be raised.

    One of the last times we spoke, he said when he tells his parents, he thinks they’re going to believe he made the right decision (obviously) and that this will be better for our futures. He then said he hates that his parents think this way. WTF?

    I feel that he’s going to regret it, no matter what he tries to tell himself, because how can you go against your core beliefs as a person just to please your parents?

    1. Avatar

      Annonymous

      August 5, 2016 at 6:09 pm

      Also, I’d like to add his parents are coming to visit sometime soon (probably within the next week or 2), so I’m afraid once he tells them we’re through and they’re happy, my chances are blown.

      I was thinking of things I could do to let them know I was serious about becoming apart of their family, like taking Farsi classes and learning more about Persian culture. But how can I even do that when I still have 13 days of NC left?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2016 at 3:49 pm

      Hi Anonymous,

      like what Chris implies, you should be yourself… because his decision to stand up for you or leave you for his parent’s approval is his decision alone.

  16. Avatar

    Annonymous

    August 4, 2016 at 10:05 pm

    Thank you for answering my question, Chris!

    For clarity for anyone watching, my ex is Persian, I’m not, which is what caused the rift with his parents (who I NEVER met). During the break up (when I was breaking all the rules), he said he had faith he could change his parents, but he “guesses” he was in denial. I know he still loves me, he’s said as much, and after the breakup, he came to the hospital when my aunt died to console me and my family, and stayed over and just cuddled with me the night after. Also, we’re both 26, just so you know we’re not teens.

    I’m now on Day 16 of NC and feeling sad, but better. I have been working out, going to a therapist, going out with friends and making sure to post everything on social media. I know he for sure sees it, even though I deleted him from everything after we broke up.

    Again, thank you for the response and will keep you updated.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 4, 2016 at 11:22 pm

      Was there some type of religious issue involved?

      I didn’t want to assume anything so I just kind of stuck to what you asked.

      You sound like you are doing a great job!!!