When I look at breakups as a whole there seems to be one common theme that is consistent no matter the situation.

They bring out the worst in people.

It’s really not that much of a stretch if you really think about it though.

For example, a break up can make someone do any of the following,

Cry…

Yell…

Hurt inside…

Be Depressed…

Beg…

Basically you can name any negative emotion known to man and a break up probably can make you feel it.

So, when you put any human being in a situation where they are feeling these emotions they are probably going to say and do things that they really don’t mean.

Or do they?

Well, that is what we are going to be exploring today.

Welcome to Ex Boyfriend Recovery. This little community was created by yours truly,

yours truly

To help women navigate their breakups and help them increase their chances of getting their ex boyfriends back.

Your still looking at the body builder picture huh?

I have a weird sense of humor so you’ll have to forgive me.

Though I do like to keep things light here at EBR (Ex Boyfriend Recovery) since I have always found that laughter is the best medicine for healing a broken heart and your heart might be a little broken right now.

So hey, I am more than happy to make a fool out of myself for your amusement if it turns that frown upside down.

But I digress…

The real reason you are here today is to figure out what your ex boyfriend means when he says something to you.

This Page Is The First Of It’s Kind

A few days ago a thought entered my head.

The thought?

Wouldn’t it be cool if there was something that served as a cheat sheet for women that would help them decipher what their ex meant when he said something.

For example, if an ex boyfriend said something like, “I fell out of love with you” wouldn’t it be cool if there was some sort of guide that a woman could reference to figure out what he really meant when he said that.

I mean, there are tons of things he could mean by that.

Let’s try another one.

I am sure you have heard the classic, “it’s not you, it’s me” line before?

its not you its me

Well, what does a man really mean when he says that to you?

So, like any curious person I went to Google to see if such a guide had been created and after searching around for 10 minutes (not a very long search i’ll admit) I couldn’t find anything.

That brings us to now.

I am going to create that type of a guide for you.

Seriously, ME, an actual guy is going to tell you what your ex boyfriend really means when he says things to you.

Pretty cool, huh?

Every breakup reason.

Every booty call.

EVERYTHING he says to you is finally going to be explained no holds barred.

Are you scared?

You should be.

No, I am just kidding.

Let’s move on and take a look at the topics I am going to be covering.

The Format Of This Page

format of the meme

This page is going to be formatted in a specific way.

First I am going to talk about the “what your ex boyfriend says” portion of the section and then I am going to go into the “what he really means” portion of the section and give an in-depth explanation of what your ex boyfriend really means when he says things to you.

What “things” am I going to be covering?

  • “I hate you”
  • “Never talk to me again.”
  • “It’s not you, it’s me.”
  • “I never really loved you.”
  • “We will never get back together.”

I saved the best for last 😉 .

If you think of any to add then feel free to leave a comment in the comments section of this article and I will revisit this page sometime down the road and update it with new things you ladies are probably wondering about.

Shall we begin?

We do have a lot of ground to cover.

Your Ex Says He Hates You

I hate you

(Jeez… Chill out Anakin.)

I want you to do me a favor for a second here.

(Really this is a favor for yourself)

Scroll back up to the top of this page and read the introduction section.

Do you remember what I said there?

I said that breakups tend to bring out the worst in people.

After all, there is a reason that they compare losing a job to going through a break up, it sucks.

So, when you place a man (who is more aggressive than a woman) in a situation where he is going to be hurt/upset then it isn’t shocking to hear the words, “I hate you,” come out of his mouth.

Take me for example, I am a pretty nice guy.

I always do my best to treat people with the utmost respect and I was raised to always respect women.

Open doors…

Pay for meals…

You know, all that good stuff.

Yet, when you take me back to my very first relationship way back when I was a kiddo in high school I am pretty sure that when the inevitable break up did happen (and high school breakups are often inevitable) I muttered the words, “I hate you,” to my ex.

But did I mean it?

Actually, you know what?

Take me out of the equation entirely.

Do men mean it when they say they hate you?

What Does He Mean When He Says “I Hate You?”

what does this mean

Lets tackle this question as logically as we can.

Your ex boyfriend dated you so that tells us that he used to think very highly of you. I mean, I don’t know too many men that go into dating someone thinking,

“I don’t like her.”

Throughout your time together he probably told you,

He loved you…

Cared for you…

That you were his “one and only…”

I think you get the idea with what I am going for here.

So, when you take this into account I am relatively certain that your ex boyfriend doesn’t truly hate you.

What he is really saying is that he hates what has happened to your relationship.

He hates the situation.

He hates the way it makes him feel.

He hates the pain.

And since you are associated with the pain he is feeling you are going to get blamed by association.

Hence the, “I hate you” mantra he has adopted.

Above I mentioned that I may have muttered the words, “I hate you” to the very first girlfriend I had way back in high school. Now, I know a high school relationship that happened close to ten years ago isn’t exactly going to bring earth shattering revelations but bear with me here as I try to make my point.

Do you think I meant it when I said it?

Of course not.

I hated the way I was feeling.

I hated having a failed relationship and all that depressing stuff I mentioned above (with the pain and all that.)

But I also knew that it would hurt my ex girlfriend if I said it to her and since I wasn’t exactly what you would call a seasoned veteran when it came to handling breakups yet I wasn’t above revenge.

This is horrible for me to admit but I was young so you have to realize the immature mentality I had.

I literally thought to myself,

“What can I say to my ex girlfriend to make her feel as horrible as I feel right now? Hmm.. I know, I will tell her that I hate her and I wish I had never met her. That will hurt her.”

That’s not a very mature way of handling things is it?

The important takeaway that I want you to take from this negative experience that I am sharing is that most men don’t mean it when they say they hate you. Instead they are just projecting on how they feel about the situation they are currently in.

Of course, some men will say it with the intentions of hurting you as well.

So, there are really two things that men are trying to say when they say they hate you.

  1. I hate you = I hate the situation
  2. I hate you = I hope this hurts you so you can feel how I feel

Lets move on to another ex boyfriend favorite,

“Never talk to me again.”

Your Ex Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

talk to me

There are really two situations that spring to mind when I hear from a woman who is wondering if her boyfriend really means it when he tells her to never contact him again.

  1. The couple got into a bad fight that culminated in the man saying “never talk to me again.”
  2.  The woman constantly bugs the guy and he gets so fed up that he tells her to never talk to him again.

In order to fully understand what an ex boyfriend really means when he says never talk to me again we must first understand exactly what these situations look like.

Situation 1- A Bad Fight Results In The Man Telling The Woman To Never Talk To Him Again

Lets do our first role play!

Lets pretend that I am your boyfriend and the two of us got into a massive fight over your cat.

Fun Fact: I am definitely not a cat person (I’m allergic) so I can definitely see myself getting into a fight with someone over a cat.

So, we go back and forth over your cat and the fight starts to evolve as bad fights usually do. What started out as a “friendly” sparring session over you cat turns ugly when we drag all kinds of unrelated things into the fight.

My parents… (HOW DARE YOU)

Your parents…

My gigantic muscles… (seen above)

How the house never gets cleaned…

How I never take out the trash.

(You get the idea)

The fight gets so bad that we break up over it.

A few days pass after the break up and you attempt to reach out to me.

“Hey..”

What is my response?

“I thought I told you to never talk to me again.”

What the heck do I mean by that?

Well, I will tell you in a second but first lets tackle the second situation I see a lot of when it comes to men saying, “never talk to me again,” to their ex girlfriends.

Situation 2- You Annoy Your Ex So Much After The Breakup That He Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

Lets stick with the cat example above since we had so much fun with that.

So, the two of us used to date and we broke up due to a horrible fight over your cat.

cat

After the breakup you realize that you made a horrible mistake and you want me back.

(It’s about time you came to your senses.)

Well, your strategy for getting me back involves messaging me about 30 times a day and calling me about 10.

Obviously I like the attention at first but then it gets to be a little too much and I begin to resent you for it.

Eventually your efforts get so out of hand that I can’t stand to hear from you anymore.

It is only when I am pushed to this point that I lay down the law.

“Don’t talk to me anymore.”

What It Means When An Ex Boyfriend Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

what does that even mean

Obviously since I divided this particular topic up into two different situations,

  1. The couple got into a bad fight that culminated in the man saying “never talk to me again.”
  2.  The woman constantly bugs the guy and he gets so fed up that he tells her to never talk to him again.

There are two completely different meanings behind an ex saying “never talk to me again.”

Just like above I am going to divide this section up into two categories,

  1. What it means when an ex says “never talk to me again” in situation 1
  2. What it means when an ex says “never talk to me again” in situation 2

Lets start off on a good note first and talk about category number one!

What It Means When Your Ex Boyfriend Says “Never Talk To Me Again” In Situation 1

For those of you who have horrible memories situation 1 is a situation in which you and your ex boyfriend get into a massive fight and the fight is culminated with our five favorite words,

“Don’t talk to me again.”

The thing that you really have to keep in mind here is the fact that your ex is saying this from a highly emotional state.

Breakups have this funny ability to make even the nicest of people turn into angry lunatics.

(Seriously, I have seen it firsthand.)

So, if you got caught in the crossfire of a heated breakup and your boyfriend said this to you then don’t take it personally.

I am sure if he was honest with himself he really doesn’t mean it.

Besides, I can probably give you hundreds of examples where an ex boyfriend said this to an ex girlfriend and then HE ends up being the one that gets in contact with her.

Now, if you are wondering what is going on in his mind to make him say this in the heat of the moment then look no further than the curious case of emotional states.

I don’t care how “well behaved” a man is.

If you push a man hard enough you can always get him to say things he doesn’t mean.

We are dealing with a real life human being here and human beings are imperfect. They are going to say things they don’t mean from time to time. This is especially true if you get into a bad fight with one.

What it all boils down to is the emotional state that your ex boyfriend was in when he said “never talk to me again.”

Since we are looking specifically at him AFTER a fight you can bet good money on the fact that he was in a very negative emotional state and as a result he is going to say things that aren’t very logical.

In other words, he doesn’t mean it when he says “never talk to me again.”

But what about the other situation?

Good question!

What It Means When An Ex Says “Never Talk To Me Again” In Situation 2

Situation 2 is vastly different than situation 1.

It looks specifically at a scenario where you (the ex girlfriend) goes a little crazy and contacts him too much.

How does that look?

Here’s a good example,

crazy annoying

Notice how this girl, Cordelia, is sending waaaayyyyy too many messages to her ex boyfriend.

(Cordelia is a Buffy reference by the way 😉 .)

Though that’s not all that Cordelia is doing.

In addition to sending a bunch of unanswered texts she is also calling her ex boyfriend up.

Of course, holding true to his form he ignores the calls.

missed call

In fact, Cordelia is acting is being so annoying to him that he sends her what she considers to be the kiss of death,

dont talk to me again

There it is…

“Don’t talk to me again.”

But do you think her ex boyfriend means it?

Yes he does…

BUT ONLY IN EXTREME CASES.

I am going to tell you the story of a girl that I went out on a date with a long time ago.

Now, I did not have a relationship with this girl but the same principle is going to apply.

The two of us went out on one date and after some thinking on my part I decided to inform her in a subtle way that I was not interested in her. Now, I didn’t want to completely cut her out of my life. I was willing to remain friends with her and I explained this to her.

She did not take too kindly to this.

Instead of just remaining friends she treated me like I was some sort of boyfriend that scorned her.

She turned into a “Cordelia.”

Now, I am the kind of person that absolutely hates confrontation so I didn’t want to have to start a fight with her but I knew I was going to have to lay down the law when I got a similar text message to this one day,

crazy text

Just to put this in perspective this wasn’t the first time something like this happened with this particular girl.

It was just the latest (and it was by far the worst.)

It was at this point that my “friendly” nature ceased to exist and Reid (as my wife likes to call him) came out.

Reid is my middle name in case you were wondering.

My wife likes to tease me that any time I get “moody” or “angry” that it’s really Reid and not me.

Well, Reid came out in spades.

reid

This was my way of saying “never talk to me again” and I meant it.

In fact, I went so far that I blocked her number from my phone forever.

So, if you ever needed motivation to stop contacting your ex after the breakup this is it.

Let’s move on.

It’s Not You, It’s Me

invented

Ah, the good ole, “it’s not you, it’s me” line.

I can’t hep it but every time I hear this I always immediately think of George from Seinfield.

(I attached a gif image at the beginning of this article depicting Georgie’s thoughts on this 😉 .)

Anyways, I just had to throw that in.

The thing I would like to turn your attention to when explaining this is that the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” can take many forms.

Too many women think that those exact five words have to be muttered to them for them to be eligible victims and that’s just not true.

The “it’s not you, it’s me” line has many variations.

For example, lets say that the two of us were dating and one day I call you up and say,

“Hey, I had a really good time with you but I’m not feeling this anymore… It’s nothing you did but I think we just need to go our separate ways.”

Believe it or not but the phrase that I just muttered to you over the breakup phone call is a longer variation of the “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Seriously, really take a look at the phrase.

“Hey, I had a really good time with you but I’m not feeling this anymoreIt’s nothing you did but I think we just need to go our separate ways.”

You will noticed that I bolded two parts.

Let’s dissect them.

“I’m not feeling this anymore”

By an ex saying this to you he is making you aware that he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore. That much is common sense. What you may not realize though is that by him saying “I’m not feeling this anymore” he is satisfying the “it’s me” part of the “it’s not you, it’s me” phrase we are dissecting in this section.

Lets move on the second part.

“It’s nothing you did”

Not too hard to dissect this one.

Your ex is basically telling you that you didn’t do anything to make him leave.

He’s informing you that you are innocent in this.

“It’s not you..”

Do you see what happened here?

I am waiting for a million light bulbs to go off…

The entire phrase above basically flip flopped the “it’s not you, it’s me” parts into “it’s me, it’s not you.”

It’s just harder to see since it is disguised cleverly around a lot of words but if you look hard enough (the bold parts) you will see it.

Lets move on to the fun part and dissect what your ex boyfriend really means if he gives you the Seinfeld excuse.

What He Means When He Says “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

Your ex boyfriend is a liar and I am going to prove why.

Let’s do a fun little exercise.

You know your boyfriend pretty well, right?

Which celebrity does he have a small crush on?

(Since I can’t hear your answers I am just going to have to make up one for you.)

Lets say that your boyfriend has a massive crush on Megan Fox (since she seems to be everyone’s definition of “hot” right now.)

Megan Fox Wallpapers

Alright, so lets say that your ex boyfriend is dating the woman of his dreams, Megan Fox.

Realistically can you picture him telling Megan Fox, “it’s not you, it’s me?”

I can’t…

Heck, I can’t even picture him breaking up with her.

Look, any many who gives you this sch-peel of “it’s not you, it’s me” is lying to you.

What he is really trying to tell you is that “it’s you, it’s not me.”

Men don’t leave women who they think are worth it. They leave the women they think aren’t worth it. They leave the women that they think they can do better than.

Picture a scale of 1-10.

1-10

Let’s say that when your ex boyfriend first started dating you he determined that you were an 8 on the scale,

1-10

As your relationship goes on he lowers your value to a 6

1-10 copy

Well, in his mind he is going to think “I can do better than her” at this point and that is where to start to see the “it’s not you’s, it’s me” come into play.

The truth is that in his mind it is you.

“It’s not me, it’s you” = “It’s you, it’s not me”

I Never Really Loved You…

never

OUCH!

If your ex boyfriend mutters these words to you then I imagine it must sting pretty badly.

I mean, saying “I love you” to someone and meaning it in that deep personal way is a big deal. So, to hear that your ex boyfriend could potentially be throwing all of that out the window is especially painful.

To be honest I am not sure that this one requires too much of a buildup.

Your ex boyfriend says “I never really loved you” to you…

There, build up done!

Lets move…

Actually, you know what?

I just thought of something.

Let’s generalize this.

If you really think about it an ex boyfriend who says that he never really loved you is probably doing so during a highly emotional moment. So, when I start explaining what he really means when he says this to you I want to operate under the assumption that he is in a highly emotional situation.

What constitutes as a high emotional situation?

  • A breakup
  • A fight
  • Anything like these situations (I couldn’t think of anymore :p )

Ok, lets move on and dissect this one.

What It Means If He Told You That He Never Really Loved You

does it mean

This situation is very similar to situation number 1 when a boyfriend tells you to never talk to him again.

If you recall, in that situation an ex doesn’t really mean it. He is just reacting to the situation he is in (which is highly emotional.)

Well, this situation is very similar to that except there is a small twist.

In my opinion, if an ex boyfriend tells you that he never really loved you he is just doing so to hurt your feelings and doesn’t really mean it at all.

Lets look at things from his perspective for a moment.

He is going through a breakup.

The two of you are probably fighting a lot.

He isn’t as good at handling his emotions as you are.

(In case you missed it I have talked multiple times at how men are more physical and woman are more emotional and this helps women handle their emotions better than men.)

Oh, and if you were the one that broke up with your ex boyfriend then it adds that extra little cherry on top.

From your ex boyfriends perspective you are the villain and what do men generally do when they come across a villain?

They try to hurt them and knock them down a peg.

So, what is the best way of accomplishing this?

Saying something super hurtful to you.

I never really loved you” seems to do quite nicely in this circumstance, huh?

Thousands of women come to this site every single day and every single day they freak out over stuff like this. The truth of the matter is that I don’t even take it that seriously. I just look at it as an ex boyfriend trying to say something hurtful.

Deep down he doesn’t really mean it.

“I never really loved you” = What can I say to hurt her the most?

We Will Never Get Back Together

getting back together

I saved the best for last.

This is probably the whole reason you wanted to read this article anyways, right?

Heck, I wouldn’t even be shocked if you just scrolled straight down to this section and skipped all the others.

I will say one thing.

Without a doubt this is one of the top questions that I get asked on a daily basis.

Usually it goes a little something like this,

“Chris, my boyfriend told me that we have no chance of getting back together with him, ZERO. Do you think he’s right? Is it over for me?”

This is a question I can’t wait to tackle in-depth.

So, rather than spend 500 words setting this up I am just going to get right down to the meat of this.

What He Really Means When He Says You Two Will Never Get Back Together

text mean

Lets take a big view of exes in general.

More specifically, the industry I am currently a part of.

What if I were to tell you that this is a million dollar industry?

What if I were to tell you that your beloved Ex Boyfriend Recovery site is still a small fish in a big pond?

Would you believe me?

Well, it’s true.

There are hundreds of so called experts out there that are trying to capitalize on your dollars.

Now, that may be a scary thing for you to hear since the last thing you want is to be taken advantage of.

Oh, by the way you should check out my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO 😉 .

No, I am just kidding.

The point I am trying to get at here is that the only reason that this industry is considered “thriving” is because couples do get back together. Heck, couples say the meanest possible things to each other and still get back together.

“I hate you…”

(Back together in a week!)

“Burn in he**”

(Back together in a day!)

“We are never getting back together again”

(Back together in 3 months!)

If your ex boyfriend says that the two of you will never get back together again then I wouldn’t take it to heart because I have seen too much flip flopping in my time to buy into it completely.

Now, lets not completely discredit all men.

There are some that really do mean it when they say we are never getting back together again.

However, in my opinion I think them saying it is really a function of what was done to them in the relationship.

The Importance Of Percentages

I like assigning percentage values to situations based on how high the chances of success are for a reconnection.

This percentage number is assigned based on my personal knowledge and experience seeing a lifetime worth of breakups.

For example, a general breakup would have a 30% chance of a reconnection. What I try to do is help women move that number up substantially.

So, maybe a general breakup percentage starts at 30% but after using my strategies it gets bumped up to 50%.

Of course, not all breakups are created equal.

Some percentage values are much lower than the 30% mark.

For example, if you take two of the hardest situations,

  • Cheating
  • He Gets A New Girlfriend

Instead of those situations starting at the general 30% mark they would start at the 10 – 20% marks respectively.

Obviously these situations are harder to succeed in.

It is in these situations that an ex boyfriend would be more likely to mean it if he said, “we are never getting back together.”

Get it?

No?

Ok, let me dig a little deeper for you.

Lets say that the two of us were dating and you cheated on me with my best friend…

Actually, lets make things worse and say that I walked in on you and him in bed together.

Ok, not only would that scar/mess me up for life but if I would say, “we are never getting back together,” to you then I would mean it.

It’s these extreme situations that have a low percentage of success that you have to watch out for. Those are the types of situations where an ex boyfriend could mean it if he says that he never wants to get back with you.

Here’s a quick rundown of the situations where he could say “we are never getting back together” and mean it.

  • He cheated on you
  • You cheated on him
  • He gets a new girlfriend

Now, before I finish this article up finally I want to make sure that you fully grasp what I am telling you here.

It is only in the most extreme situations where he might really mean what he is saying.

So, what it all boils down to is a function of how severe the damage during the relationship was to him.

We Are Never Getting Back Together = If you hurt me too much during the relationship I could mean this

Of course, I have also helped women get back with their exes in all the situation above so technically nothing is set in stone…

Just saying.

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back Again With Our Step By Step Guide To Getting Your Ex Back

Learn More

WHY HE SAID I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN

hurt you

What the HECK?!?!

This is the most mind boggling statement he could make, right?

I’m going to give you the secret as to why he said this! Ready?

He’s just trying to come off as the good guy here. It’s really that simple.

By saying,

“I don’t want to hurt you again”

He is making himself sound like the hero. He’s trying to sound like he’s protecting you but in reality he’s only being selfish.

What a hero, right?

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN?

hurt you

It sounds like some kind of BS line to me. Let’s face it, if he really didn’t want to hurt you again, the solution is simple…

He shouldn’t do anything stupid. 🙂

There are a million different ways that he could hurt you. Let’s take a moment to dissect some of them.

The first one that comes to mind is Cheating.

Well, absolutely that would hurt you, but could he prevent this?

Yes, he most certainly can.

So, the,

“I don’t want to hurt you again” statement doesn’t really hold up here.

What about if he was emotionally abusive?

He could go to therapy and get help. There are many things he could do to try to preserve your relationship instead of backing out and giving you the excuse of,

“I don’t want to hurt you again.”

But in this case I personally believe you should be the one breaking up with him anyway.

He could be afraid of commitment so as the relationship gets closer he is backing away.

You are looking for a life with him.

Marriage, children the whole nine yards but if he’s not ready to commit to you then he may use the line “I don’t want to hurt you again” especially if he’s expressed his feelings on the subject already.

We could go on and on all day about ways he could hurt you but when it comes down to it it’s a way for him to remove himself from the relationship and look like the good guy. Some guys really are that concerned with their image.

How do I know?

Well, I am a guy and I have actually seen this done first hand to a girl before.

YAY STORY TIME!

My best friend in college was what I would classify as a total ladies man. What do I mean by that?

Simple, this guy knew how to get a woman eating out of the palm of his hand. Now, I remember the first time I watched him work his voodoo on a girl I was impressed but after a while it became clear that the girl he worked “said voodoo on” was way more attached to him than he was to her.

Thus, a breakup was inevitable.

But my buddy was so obsessed with being perceived as the “good guy” that he decided to use the,

“I just know that if we keep dating I am going to hurt you and I don’t want that for you”

Line.

Tsk.. Tsk… Tsk….

All so he could protect his good guy image.

WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS

best friends

I want you to take a moment and imagine something for me.

You are living the perfect life. You have a great family, a great job, great friends and a great boyfriend. But one day you notice your boyfriend has a very sad look on his face.

You’ve seen this look before.

It’s the look of a man who is about to deliver some bad news to you.

That’s when he does it.

He breaks up with you.

But he can’t help just adding in this one line…

“We can still be friends.”

You’ve been intimate on every level, emotionally and physically and he wants to be friends!?!?

At that moment it feels like he is trying to stay in your life and that’s good, right? WRONG!

What’s really going on in his head?

Why would he say that?

Does he actually mean it or is he just saying it?

Perhaps he wants to stay friends to have the possibility of getting back together in the future?

These are all questions you are probably found yourself asking.

I am going to give you the low down on all of these unanswered questions and really bring you into the mind of a male.

Are you ready?

It can be a scary place… but the good news is I am going to walk you through it and give you guidance on what to do if he says he just wants to be friends.

WHAT DOES HE MEAN WHEN HE SAYS WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS?

cop out

This is the easiest way for your ex to break up with you. He doesn’t have to hurt your feelings in his mind because he still wants to be friends. It also secures a backup girlfriend in case his “post you” dating escapades don’t work out.

Think of it this way, he’s got you on the sidelines waiting around for him while he does whatever he wants. He may even try a friends with benefits situation down the line.

Take a look at this graphic.

graphic

Through this graphic I am showing you what’s going on in his head.

Your lost in a sea of women.

Just another number.

But there are two ways to break this trick he’s pulling…

The best thing you can do in this situation is to say,

“Sure we can be friends” and then start your no contact.

The second thing is becoming an ungetttable girl. You can read more about becoming an ungettable girl here.

But I will give you a brief description of how to do both here. First off, you will have to go completely ghost on him. Do not answer his texts if he texts you. Don’t answer his calls. Don’t “accidentally” call him. 😉 (I see this happen daily) This is probably the most difficult thing that you are going to have to go through.

Your brain is hardwired to talk to him but like I said above, you can’t. So, I am going to teach you a trick that I don’t think I have ever talked about on Ex Boyfriend Recovery before.

I want you to write down his number on a piece of paper twice.

Put one in your dresser and one in a small lock box.

Now, go out and buy a calendar. It’s important that this calendar is something that you love to look at everyday. There are so many different ones out there, Island paradise calendars, pictures of Europe calendars, puppies, kittens, babies, hot air balloons etc.

Pick one that will make you feel good every time you look at it.

Put your calendar up in plain view where you will see it daily and circle the date that your no contact period is up.

Are you with me so far?

Yes?

No?

Maybe?

So?

Ok, here comes the hard part.

I want you to delete his number!

That’s right, completely delete it from your phone. This way you will not have any temptations or “accidents.” You will still have his number in two different spots so you won’t have to worry about never getting it back again.

Oh and one more thing with regards to no contact.

Do not block him.

I repeat do not block him on anything. That will only make your life way harder. Just don’t answer any texts or calls that are from unknown numbers.

Got it?

Good!

Let’s move on and talk about the ungettable girl.

I want you to take out that same calendar and mark a weekly goal. I want you to put something on there daily and do it.

For example, if you want to look your best maybe you would put:

March 1st- Hair coloring appointment.
March 2nd- Start Gym Membership. (Or specific workouts at home.)
March 3rd- Go to a makeup demo.
March 4th- Paint nails.
March 5th- Join a co-ed indoor soccer team.

You get the point.

Not only will this distract you and give you something to focus on other than your ex, it will give you confidence. You will look and feel your best!

The other part to being an ungettable girl is to become the girl that every man wants.

Even if you technically aren’t there are specific ways to portray this persona.

For example, when you finally go on that first date with your ex boyfriend walk in front of him since women typically walk in front of men on dates and look at a guy (who is not your ex.) The idea here is to make it look like this other guy is checking you out.

Let’s role play this for a second.

Lets say that I am a woman.

Let’s call me….

CHRISTINA SEITER!

christina

Isn’t that a pretty woman?

I certainly think so haha!

Anyways, lets pretend that I am on a date with my ex and I want to try this method out. I am walking into a restaurant and since my ex is a gentlemen he holds the door open for me. As I am walking in I notice that there is a man walking towards me. Well, I would look at him out of the corner of my eye.

Now, the important thing to understand here is that it’s obvious to this other man that I am looking at him. And what do people do when they are looked at?

THEY LOOK BACK.

But here is the most genius part.

My ex is behind me the entire time. So, even though I am technically the one who made the guy look at me, to my ex it looks like this guy is checking me out. Oh, and since I am such a good looking girl the guy “checking me out” smiles and nods.

Extra bonus points! 🙂

But lets get out of this fantasy world where I am a woman and come back to the real world where I am teaching you to become the ungettable girl.

Another interesting aspect of the UG is that they are always busy. You want to be independent. If you’ve been with your ex for a long time the chances are pretty high that you are depending on him too much. Whether it’s for emotional stability or happiness you will have to show him that you can be happy on your own. It’s nice to feel wanted and needed and he will miss that feeling after a while.

Overall, this situation is actually wonderful for a breakup because he’s thinking your going to be friends with him but little does he know he is getting the cold shoulder for a few weeks so he can reassess his decision and during this time your becoming a version of yourself that he have never met before.

Such is the path of the ungettable girl.

I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

dont like you

So this is one of my favorite lines. “I never liked you anyway.”

You should be thinking,

“Come on, we’ve dated for 6 months, a year, two years and yet you threw away all of your precious time to a person you never even liked. HAHA”

It’s almost comical when a guy says this to his ex but it happens everyday.

It’s a very similar situation to the “I never loved you” comment that I’ve mentioned before. They are similar comments but ironically have completely different meanings. I think it’s safe to say that if your ex has told you that he never loved you the cut from that would be very deep. That is such a hurtful thing to say. Saying I never liked you definitely hurts but it’s a poor man’s “I never loved you.”

That’s the truth.

WHY YOUR EX SAID I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

dont like you

Take my friend “Bob” for example,

(By the way Bob is a fake name for a friend.)

His girlfriend and him were dating for 2 years and they got into a heated argument and he brings out the world famous line,

“Well, I never even liked you.”

You see, Bob and his ex were fighting over money which is one of the top reasons couples fight.

He had the gall to say, “I can’t believe you bought that $150 dress”

(This coming from a man who bought 3 video games that ended up costing the same as the dress.)

Guess what happened next?

Yup, you got it!

Bob’s ex went bat shit crazy and started throwing his games around while yelling and crying. Ultimately this was the last fight of their relationship. She walked out completely.

A few days passed and she started thinking to herself,

“Man, I think I made a mistake.”

So, she decided to call him again in an attempt to patch things up. But Bob, being the genius he is, decides to bring up the whole video game debacle again and the two of them started arguing again!

That’s when he said it…

“Well, I never even liked you anyways…”

Her heart dropped to the floor. She kept thinking,

“He can’t really mean that, right?”

So, why did Bob say it?

I remember asking him,

“Why did you say that to her?”

This was his response:

“I am just so sick of fighting with her. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Apparently Bob thought that this would be the easiest way to stop the fight and to get rid of her (for the time being.)

I WISH I NEVER MET YOU

never met you meme

Coming from a guy that probably said,

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me”

and

“I’m so glad I met you”

Throughout your relationship.

It probably threw you off completely hearing him say I wish I never met you.

So, lets take a moment and dissect what’s really going on in his head.

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS I WISH I NEVER MET YOU

The truth is that it could mean several different things. The first thing that comes to mind is one of my favorite quotes from Good Will Hunting.

“Most days I wish I never met you because then I could sleep at night and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge there was someone like you out there.”

Something tells me your ex didn’t say it in this way, otherwise you probably wouldn’t be on this site.

But the light at the end of the tunnel is that what he really meant when he says he wishes he never met you is that he is very hurt by you. You’ve brought out such strong feelings that he cannot deal with. It’s actually not the worst thing when a guy reacts emotionally like this because it means that he has feelings towards you. Even if they are negative feelings, he still has passion when it comes to you.

If he was nonchalant and aloof then you should worry a little more.

Oftentimes men don’t know how to express themselves as well as women do and so they resort to the easiest thing that comes to mind.

It’s pretty childish really.

They say things they don’t mean and a lot of times they end up regretting it. It never feels good to fight. In the moment it relieves some stress but later people often feel bad about it.

I’d be willing to bet your ex will regret or at least feel bad about things he says to you in the heat of the moment at some point.
Even when he says things like “I wish I never met you.”

815 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

  1. Avatar

    Shanaya

    January 12, 2020 at 7:31 am

    I was in a long distance relationship since 4 months. We have met only once 3and a half years back at a counseling place in my city(we already lived in other cities) . We talked there and exchanged our numbers, after that he gave me a call once we talked for an hour and then nothing happened. After one year I saw his same no on a chatting app and I sent him hi, after that he responded ( he was leaving his home town for future studies) . After that we chatted randomly but never called each other but we talked for long but sometimes as he was busy. Last year I saw his missed call, I asked if he called me. He said yes and then said he would call on evening ,and he actually called and we talked for two hours. Then we chatted frequently and he used to tease me sometimes as friends. After that two months later if there was something more than friendship between us and he replied that I was more than a crush for him but exactly he also don’t knew. After that we talked but less he was busy and most of time I initiated chats. We had fights also on between but still we continue to chat. Four months back he confessed his feelings for me and then we started to call each other, ( in between once he said that let’s end this if we don’t understand each other) but again we got in touch after days and he said that he realized that what he said was not right. But he always complained of being busy and it was me only who initiated talking to him every day, he didn’t took so much initiative to talk from his side. But still I loved him so I focused on his good points as he was giving his exams also that time. We finally met this month and after meeting me he said that he want to say something which would hurt me that after meeting me he rwalisedthat he does not have that feelings for me, he has feelings just as he have for his other friends, he was trying it for me but after meeting it got more strong and he is telling me that because he knows my unconditional love for him, and he is only ending the relationship that bond that friendship is still there from his side and he know that how hurt I am but he wanted to tell me this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 8:20 pm

      Hi Shanya so he knows that he could have you if he wanted you this is not a situation you want to happen. Follow the program and do the work that is recommended you do if you want to get your ex back you need to start casually dating too so that he sees that you are moving on as you do not want him to treat you as a back up plan

  2. Avatar

    Samantha Copen

    January 11, 2020 at 2:05 pm

    I got this message 2 days of NC,” Soo this might be in appropriate however I fell you should know….. I have only had sex with one woman since we split up however it was due to being extremely inebriated as I am now. You can say I used you till you are blue in the face however I am not sorry for breaking up with you I only want the best for you as I always have. Just not with me any more. I have loved you and always will love you but I am truly over you and I am terribly sorry if you have difficulty accepting that.” Why would he send this 2 weeks after the break up when we aren’t even talking? We were together for 1.5 years and lived together for 1 year. We had a good relationship with the occasional fight between us. I have heard this about 4 times since the break up. Is he regretting the break up? Or just confused about his feelings so if he keeps telling me he’ll actually believe it? Is there a chance of us getting back together? We broke up because we got into a fight.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 14, 2020 at 8:46 pm

      Hey Samantha, so I think he is sounding more about him wanting to hurt you or upset you because he is struggling with his feelings. The fact you are not answering these messages is brilliant as he is left to read what hes said to you with a no response tells him you don’t actually care what he has to say to you because you’re past it. So stick to your NC and if you were near the end soon I would extent a little just because he still seems so angry, and just letting you know he is NOT over you if he is feeling the need to send those messages when you are not in contact

  3. Avatar

    Shanaya

    January 10, 2020 at 4:58 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship since 5 months. I met him 3 years back just at a counseling point. We talked and exchanged numbers. We talked only once on call after that and he called me. After one year I approached him through what’s app and we started talking, he was going for admission in other city( we already lived in different cities by the way). After that we chatted randomly sometimes for an hour also. Once after 2 years I saw his missed call on my mobile. I asked him if he called, he said yes and said yes he called and would call in evening. He actually called and we talked for two hours literally. After that also we kept on chatting and he used to tease me a lot in a friendly way but always on chatting. After that I started feeling for him and after two months I already him if we have something more than friendship between us. He said I am more than a crush for him but exactly he don’t know. We chatted occasionally after that he said I was busy, once I fighted with him on this but still we had a friendly decision but we never called. He said he was not committing because he thinks he was not right for me but at last he confessed to me five months back that he loves me and he is finally confessing it to me. He introduced me to his friend on chatting app. I called him, but most of time it was ke who initiated chats or call, he was also busy with his exams during that time. In between we had a fight and he said that let’s end this if we don’t have understanding between us( major issue was he was not able to give me time as he was busy and might what he was giving was less for me u still don’t know). We had time issues but still we managed. This year we met and after meeting me he said that after meeting me he realised that he does not have that feelings for me except as that of he had for his other friends. He said his love for me far before which according to him was just infatuation. He was trying for me, for my happiness, nice nature and thought that he might come closer to me with time, but after meeting me he realized its not working for him and he told this to me because he thought that my love for him was unconditional and according to him he didnt wanted to keep me in dark. He said I am just ending the relationship not that bond not that friendship and he knows that I am very hurt because of him and what I am going through

  4. Avatar

    RR

    January 4, 2020 at 3:13 pm

    Hey Chris
    Me and my boyfriend were in a relationship for the past 2 and half years . we were very happy together but the moment i entered college(after a year of relationship) (i was 19 then and now i am 21)many issues were raised by him …he was very insecure and he never listened to me …he always fighted with me …that time i was immature … i didn’t know how to handle the situation because it was my first relation ever …all i did i always tried to convince him that i am with him always ….i even can’t imagine anyone at his place in my life and i think he knew this fact very well …thats why whenever he fights ..he always blocks me from every where including my phon number ….and what i did i use to call him from different numbers of my friends …i have even tried all the numbers of all the hostelers ….and he used to block them too …however i always managed to make him normal …i know he loved me because he used to cry when ever he saw my pics with any of my male friends…but he is so insecure that he doesn’t even trust me and always blames me …the situation became so worse that i had to lie sometimes when i was out even with my female friends …but i never intended to hurt him ….i lied because i never wanted to lose him because i really love him and i am truly committed to him ….a few months ago i took part in a dance performance which i knew he would never accept …bt i was forced to perform by a teacher …i was unable to refuse to i decided to hide everything from him …but he saw the video on YouTube …he felt so hurt … it took a week to get him back after 100 calls and texts per day …i went to his college and he became normal ….but there i came to know that he became friends with a girl …who studies in his class …he even clicked so many pictures with her to make me realize what he feels when he saw me with anyone else ….and seriously it hurts it hurts tooo much ….since October (when i went to his college)he completely lost trust over me….he daily fighted with me . even i am so irritating i keep on texting him ..calling him from different numbers even after he blocks me ….but seriously i love him tooo much… i miss him with each beat of my heart..on Nov 27 i called him again and again …he got so annoyed that he called my mother and told her everything about the relation and said that he doesn’t want me anymore …he hates me now ….he don’t want to see me ….and even gets irritated whenever he listens my voice . I was in college and my exams were going on …my mother was worried and she told him to please talk to me till my exams …the next day i called him ..i asked him to meet me for the last time ….he didn’t give me a clear reply …sometimes he agreed and then the next moment he refused ….at the end of the call he refused to meet and texted me that he is unable to face me and he apologised for what he has done (calling my mother) but at the same time he also texted “goodbye forever and be careful with people …they would take advantage of me”…after next day i again called him again and again …he again called my mother and blocked my number …i begged him to unblock me… he said that he will unblock me right after 4 days ….one out of those 4 days …i went out with my female best friend (whom he doesn’t like)….and i enjoyed with her, went for shopping …the 5th day when he unblocked me …i called him ….he told me that he needs time …he has not gone anywhere and he will never go with someone else …all he want is a break from me ….i just don’t understand what type of behaviour is this !!and then i told him abt the meeting with my bestie …he got angry and blocked me again ….i again called from different numbers and begged him to unblock me …he unblocked me and said that he will block me again If i tried to text or call him …..then again after 6 days i called him from another number (i was at my home by that time).he picked up the call and told me that this kind of behaviour of me will never bring him back …he needs a break …i kept on asking how long ???he never replied clearly and everytime i asked this …he cut the call.after 4 days i texted him to send his picture …he called me (video call)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 7, 2020 at 10:08 pm

      Hey RR, so the most important thing you need to do is give your ex space. REAL space of 30 days minimum, no contact at all. No texting, calling or social media stalking. Radio silence, and work on yourself at that point.

  5. Avatar

    V

    January 1, 2020 at 11:20 am

    Hi Chris,

    Me and my ex dated for a little for a year and I broke up with him a few days ago because I felt that he didn’t treat me the same anymore, and the fact that our long distance relationship was making everything really difficult. I also asked him why he never told me he loved me during this whole relationship. He told me that he loved being with me but he didn’t feel love… This literally shattered my world… Did he really mean that?
    Why did he call me everyday and why did he fly over to visit me so many times if he didn’t love me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 5:34 am

      Hi V I can not answer those questions to be honest, all I can do is advise you on how to get him back. Him investing time to come and see you and spend time calling you he clearly liked you, but there is a difference between liking someone and loving someone, some people need more time

  6. Avatar

    El fonty

    December 16, 2019 at 3:42 am

    Hi Chris, me and my bf had been together for 1 and half year. Lately we broke up due to he grew really tired of taking care of me and my son for the last 1 month, and I was very emotional and blamed him for the pregnancy and mentioned break up and needing break during that time. We lived together with my son for 3 months. Worst thing that happened I had to get abortion due to got pregnant with him as I am finally signing paper with my first husband whereby I didn’t want to complicate the signing. I find my self really foolish to have done the abortion as it causes him great pain and regrets even though he agreed to do it and paid for the precedure. And he thought I no longer love him and not willing to risk it for him. I had separated from my first husband for few years but just finally signing paper.

    Now he was hurted due to being neglected by me, many fights with me during the stressful pregnant time, and also thought I never wanted the baby although it was mutual decision to have it later.

    We are never really done no contacts except 1 – 2 days due to we have shared business and when i was away he had to take care. Now my son is away, I m back in town but he is persistent with a break up. He said he no longer love me, he hasn’t been happy for long time, he said even if we get back or move in together, he won’t be happy. He has so much negative emotions associated with me yet he stil care and accompany me to doctor.

    I just feel its waste cause we been through a lot and finally I m signing paper that he been waiting for . He just gave up now and give in to the stress before I have a chance to make him happy.

    What can I Do? Pls help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 19, 2019 at 9:42 pm

      As you share a business you need to do a Limited no contact where you only speak for business reasons and nothing else no relationship talk. Then when your no contact is over you can then go on to start attracting him to you again

  7. Avatar

    Confused

    November 27, 2019 at 9:23 am

    My ex boyfriend we were together for 2 yrs broke up with me 2 mos ago saying that there is no chemistry anymore, he doesnt want to hurt me again and just want to be friends. Shocker but i tried no contact for a week or two. He msged saying he hopes im doing ok. Ignored. After 2 days he messaged saying he’s been sick lately. Ignored for 2 days. Then finally messaged when he showed me back his laboratory results. As a nurse i couldn’t ignore and tended to his needs. After that we did not lose contact. It was pretty clear to me he just wanted to friends as what he says when he broke up. Since him being sick we have been exchanging brief msgs checking out on each other. More so lately, its coming from him. Yesterday asking hows my day been. Feeling tired of feeling this way. I decided to do No contact. I didnt reply. Im confused as he said he just wanted to be friends. What is he doing?? To be honest, i really want him back but i realised i need to work on my self first before going back there again, also thinking He’s just being friendly with his txts.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 12:25 am

      Hey there, so if you do not want him back you can speak with him and still work on yourself but it doesnt mean you have to reply to him every time he reaches out. If anything that keeps him on his toes too. Do not feel guilty for working on yourself if you find you cant speak with him while you do that, then go into No Contact.

  8. Avatar

    Bee

    September 2, 2019 at 4:49 pm

    My ex broke up with me a week ago after I tried to bring up something that was bothering me. Basically he laughed and said it’s no big deal… and ignored my calls. Two days later, I said to him I think we got off track somehow. Let’s just drop this and keep moving forward. He broke up via text with me saying it’s always something. We had some text exchanges where I fought him a bit on it and said I disagreed but accepted it. I’ve been in no contact since, but did see something he posted on social media. (Yes, I know that’s bad). But basically what was said was “It’s hard to say goodbye to someone you love, but better to give up when they’re not fighting for you.”. That’s like the polar opposite of what I was trying to do. I was trying my hardest to work out things…. he broke up with me!! Is he just hurting? I need clarity.

  9. Avatar

    Natsai Zisengwe

    August 22, 2019 at 10:29 pm

    Thanx a lot this really helped.

  10. Avatar

    lizzee

    August 7, 2019 at 9:10 am

    Hi,
    My lover of 10 years just broke up with me,we didnt fight or argue.
    He just said next time we meet I wont be your lover.
    He says he really likes me, but in his heart he doesnt feel the same as I do and says hes been unfair to me.
    He says we ve always been happy together, and make each other laugh, and he really likes when we re together with and the things we do, he cant resist that.
    But now, here I am heartbroken and crying.
    He says he wants to be friends but right now he cant be that cos he feels he needs time and distance to rebuild himself after a 10 year intimate relationship.
    I miss him so much, we used to message everyday, and now I feel Im been punished cos I cant msg him and talk to him.

  11. Avatar

    Girl

    August 3, 2019 at 1:55 pm

    Hi I’m 24, my boyfriend dumped me a few days ago after 8 months of dating saying we were just too different and that he wasn’t mature enough to be in a relationship. I really thought our relationship was perfect, sure no relationship is perfect but there was so much I liked about him and being with him and it really seemed like he was as into me as I was into him. So it was really confusing to me and out of the blue. He even gave me that cliché ass BS that “it’s not you it’s me”….I don’t know what happened…

  12. Avatar

    Bell

    July 28, 2019 at 4:21 am

    My ex always expiernced bad relationship which made him had trust issues and wouldn’t open up to people until he met me. We were dating for 6 months he broke up with me and told me that he still wants to be friends and wanted to do business with his music. He also made a promise that we will see each other. When I was his gf I would always check up on him, buy him the things he need, whenever he was sick I took care of him and everything. I would still ask how is he doing just to make sure he’s good because we suppose to be friends but recently when he would talk to me he would reply fast but leave me on read, takes hours to reply and even be close to a day to respond. When I told him how I felt about that he basically said “my bad I won’t do it again goodnight.” I haven’t talked to him but he would send me videos of him lip syncing and I would send one back on snap. Yesterday on snapchat he made a post saying “changed in 2 years so young and naïve”. I made a post which was wrong I should’ve ignored but in my post I basically was saying communicate how you feel don’t do childish things. We haven’t spoken since then but what should I do? I don’t speak to him anymore but what he did it hurt me.

  13. Avatar

    Susanne

    July 15, 2019 at 7:35 pm

    My recent ex boyfriend broke up with me but wouldn’t actually say he wanted to break up. He came up with all these excuses like his parents didn’t like me, his friends didn’t like me, and someone told him I cheated (I never did). We were fine one night then the next morning he wouldn’t speak to me all day and that’s when he started getting really rude with his texts and started saying his parents didn’t like me. I stopped communicating with him for 2 days and I noticed I was still on his social media with heart by my name and I was entirely confused because he would never give me the time of day to explain what I did so wrong. His friends began texting me and telling me he does care he’s just putting up an act to act tough and like he doesn’t care. He was hanging with a girl for the past two days also. I’m confused on why the breakup happened in the first place because I always treated him right and always had manners and yes ma’ams no ma’am yes sirs and no sirs to his parents and always let him if he wanted to hangout with friends (which he rarely did anyways). He then started calling me crazy and childish and controlling when I never was I always let him do as he pleased. We were happy and everyone could see it even his guy friends who texted me to see if I was okay. They say they’re disappointed in him for doing me wrong. Any advice?

  14. Avatar

    alice

    July 6, 2019 at 11:07 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thanks for your article I got some hints from it.
    My 2.5yr long distance bf broke up with me just a week ago. It wasn’t the first time he broke up with me but this time the reasons are different and he was extremely cold with friendly attitude when we met after he sent me broke up messages. He said he sees the sad part of him when I’m with him and he couldn’t get happy because of this. (He got some undiagnosed mental issues and it happened regularly in our relationship. He was also poor when we first dated though he’s pretty successful now. He’s always trying to get the real happiness for himself) So he needs to throw me away along with those bad moments in his life that he never wants to go back to in order to feel happy. Like every other times, he still wants to be friends and still read, reply my messages in coldest way. I feel he really wants to end things this time but I’d still hope for future. What he said is sth hard for me to understand, shouldn’t people cherish or treasure those who’ve been with you during ups and downs? I’ve never thought it’d be the thing that he broke up with me… He also said he still loves me but he can never loves me like I do to him.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 7, 2019 at 4:04 pm

      Hi Alice….glad you enjoyed the article.Sometimes a guy will say something foolish. I don’t think the friend route will be the best approach and could likely frustrate you. I think you should consider a period of No Contact as I teach it in my Program, “EBR Pro Bundle”.

  15. Avatar

    Francesa

    June 21, 2019 at 4:34 am

    Hello,me and my ex dated for five years. It has been both amazing and challenging as we have fought extremely hard for our relationship over the years. We were both in an unhappy marriage and discovered each other and decided to pursue our relationship as we were happy with each other. But due to the emotional difficult and the strain it had on me emotionally. I didn’t feel as loved and the long distance has caused me to doubt the survival of the relationship. We were long distance for 2 1/2 years and it was extremely hard. We were both going through a divorce and we were both fighting to be with each other. During this turmoil I met someone else and he made me feel the emotional connection that I felt I no longer had with my ex. I left my ex during this time but we eventually reconciled and decided we have been through so much to give up. Fast forward 2 years and he discovered I had a fling with the other guy. Although we discussed the situation then he didn’t discover that I still had contact with him for 3 months after I told him I chose him. I felt guilty for the other guy and it was hard because we worked in the same office. Although I broke it off and left my job for him. He told me he was depressed after finding out. He said he still loves me and will always love me but he no longer feels the same about the relationship. He said he won’t cut me off or block me but he has to do what is right and what is right is to walk away. I’v begged him to stay. I know you NC rule but he has always complained that when we fight he always made the effort and I would always act like it didn’t affect me. Even if it did. I want to be the one to try because I was the person at fault and I want to show him how truly sorry I am and how much the relationship means to me. And I felt that showing him even if it meant begging would show my effort as it was not there before. Do you think I can successfully get him back, and reading your post about what it means when guys say stuff. What does it mean when he says he still will always love and care for me but no longer feels the same about the relationship? Does this mean he has checked out? And my chances are zero? I’m desperate here.

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    Laura

    June 20, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    Hey Chris…

    My long distance (ex) boyfriend and I are working with the same summer company (we are in the arts and go away for short summer contracts). We had been having bouts of tension and arguments over the phone that were getting more and more common. I have anxiety, which doesn’t make things easier and he hasn’t always been the most proactive on being a team through that. We came upon this summer hoping to work through our issues and figure out where our arguments came from and how to avoid them. However, I have been feeling him pull away and not put in any effort to help fix anything. About 10 days ago, after another argument, he said we were done. He said he didn’t have the emotional energy to continue being in a relationship in general, that he felt spiritually ungrounded, artistically unfulfilled, and seemed to blame a lot of it on what was happening with us. We spent the next week talking it out, but also sleeping in the same bed, me basically trying to convince him to stay, and him debating, and then eventually, on a Saturday night after an opening night party, he pulled me aside to say “I still don’t know if I want a relationship, but I want to be romantic and just take a step back to see what we are and if we can be a couple again.” He also said “to everyone else it will look the same, that we are together, and I’ll still introduce you as my girl.” I didn’t get a chance to really process or ask questions about what those boundaries would be, and I was also just so exhausted I needed an emotional break. I agreed. Over the next day and a half, he was very affectionate at home, touching me intimately and even having sex with me right before we went to a birthday party at a bar. Later at the birthday party, it felt like he didn’t care I was there. He hardly interacted with me, and when I asked him to dance with me, he wasn’t as into it as I wanted him to be. I got drunk and was feeling used, how he’d act one way at home and differently in public. So, we got into an argument. It was really bad— yelling, we took it to my car so that it could be private, but when he wanted to leave, knowing that I wasn’t done and didn’t want to keep arguing outside the bar where everyone we worked with was at, I drove just down the road, just enough to be out of sight and earshot. This made things worse, he was so upset and told me I’d “shown him who I really am”, that “this would be the last time we’d ever speak, so say what you have to say”, and also when I asked why he hated me, he said “I don’t hate anyone, I’m just DONE with you.”

    I’ve moved out of the house but now I’m just left feeling heartbroken and confused. How can someone who wanted to give this another chance be so ready to be done with me? Especially given that I was reacting out of substance and a weeks worth of heartache catching up to me? I was drunk and had come off of a whole week of sleeping in the same bed as someone who was about to leave me, how can he not understand how that would take it’s toll and affect the way I was reacting? I don’t know what I should do besides NC, or if he really meant it when he said we’d never speak again, and he’s done with me. I need help and clarity!

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    Al

    June 10, 2019 at 8:05 am

    Hi In December, my boyfriend was confused and was scared of the future. Last week, he was upset went I met him and said he was confused again and wasn’t sure if we should break up, but then next minute said should we keep going. Our relationship was nothing but amazing and never any problems or fighting. He is an over thinker and kept saying how do you know you’re the one and I want to travel but that would mean I have to marry you (religious beliefs). He said I’m his best friend and the best person he’s ever met and can’t imagine his life without me. But we sorted it out and then the next day I mentioned travelling and he went funny again, he said he didn’t want to hurt me and wasn’t sure what the right thing to do. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me. But he ended things because he said he didn’t want to hurt me in the future and wasn’t sure if he wanted to go traveling with me or by himself at the end of next year. I then received a message on the Monday night saying, “I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve put you through. I felt physically ill all day and can barely keep myself together. You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met. I know if I say anything more I’m not going to make much sense and add to the confusion. I’m so so sorry”. I wasn’t going to reply and give him space but someone messaged me so I replied with “Thanks for the apology! Doing it tough too, but it is what is and hope you have less confusion. I received a message from someone today and not sure what has been said. Could you please let me know what they have been told, so there is no added confusion?”. He then replied with “I know it’s been a killer week and I’m sorry I can’t offer any consolation. I’ve only spoken to two or three people about it and I said we’ve called it off… As much as I would love to say otherwise, I know it’s the right call at the moment. You’re the best person I’ve ever met, but I’m just in such a strange headspace and I’m just not stepping up to the mark. This is something I have to figure out for myself right now”.

    Just a back story, he is very traditional and always worried about the future and next step. He also mentioned that he wants to make sure that he doesn’t move too quickly and that in 10 years time he would still be in love with me, and even when he was old.

    I need some outside perspective on what his motives are and what you think he is doing? Whether he is out completely or not?

  18. Avatar

    Melissa

    May 30, 2019 at 12:23 am

    I came here to read what a normal break up is like compared to a narcissist breaking up with you.
    But the pictures helped me laugh for the first time in a long time. Thanks for that.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 30, 2019 at 10:20 pm

      I am glad Melissa you found some relief in the “pics”. One’s recovery is by far the most important part of my Program.

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    Shelley

    May 20, 2019 at 10:31 am

    Hey Chris, me and my ex partner split up in September last year, last time I saw him was December. Then out of the blue after 5 months of no contact he messaged me and we ended up going on a night out with his friend (I never met any of his friends when we were together). He told me he loved me but couldn’t comit to me and I never asked why (I was a bit drunk ). We had an amazing night together and he stayed with me that night. I love him and I know he is the one for me as I told him. I don’t know what to do now, my heads a mess . We weren’t together for long but we were such a good match, but he had baggage ( a psycho ex and 3 kids). He seems a lot less stressed with life now but I don’t know how to approach a conversation about us, or do I just leave it for him to contact me again, as I’m stubborn x

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    Essie

    May 18, 2019 at 7:02 am

    My ex and I have been dating for one year, but due to some personal issues I had to break up with him, we had an on and off for a few times and he finally said he’s tired of the fighting – it’s a LDR, but we went through so much together. I still love him, and he wanted to be friends, however we started fighting again – and he thought I wasn’t interested, but I was.

    And he said I should take some space away, yet at the same time he told my friend he’s moved on. I do wanna get him back, but I don’t want him to be exhausted of the relationship. But we haven’t talked for weeks.

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