What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

When I look at breakups as a whole there seems to be one common theme that is consistent no matter the situation.

They bring out the worst in people.

It’s really not that much of a stretch if you really think about it though.

For example, a break up can make someone do any of the following,

Cry…

Yell…

Hurt inside…

Be Depressed…

Beg…

Basically you can name any negative emotion known to man and a break up probably can make you feel it.

So, when you put any human being in a situation where they are feeling these emotions they are probably going to say and do things that they really don’t mean.

Or do they?

Well, that is what we are going to be exploring today.

Welcome to Ex Boyfriend Recovery. This little community was created by yours truly,

yours truly

To help women navigate their breakups and help them increase their chances of getting their ex boyfriends back.

Your still looking at the body builder picture huh?

I have a weird sense of humor so you’ll have to forgive me.

Though I do like to keep things light here at EBR (Ex Boyfriend Recovery) since I have always found that laughter is the best medicine for healing a broken heart and your heart might be a little broken right now.

So hey, I am more than happy to make a fool out of myself for your amusement if it turns that frown upside down.

But I digress…

The real reason you are here today is to figure out what your ex boyfriend means when he says something to you.

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And that’s where I come in!

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This Page Is The First Of It’s Kind

A few days ago a thought entered my head.

The thought?

Wouldn’t it be cool if there was something that served as a cheat sheet for women that would help them decipher what their ex meant when he said something.

For example, if an ex boyfriend said something like, “I fell out of love with you” wouldn’t it be cool if there was some sort of guide that a woman could reference to figure out what he really meant when he said that.

I mean, there are tons of things he could mean by that.

Let’s try another one.

I am sure you have heard the classic, “it’s not you, it’s me” line before?

its not you its me

Well, what does a man really mean when he says that to you?

So, like any curious person I went to Google to see if such a guide had been created and after searching around for 10 minutes (not a very long search i’ll admit) I couldn’t find anything.

That brings us to now.

I am going to create that type of a guide for you.

Seriously, ME, an actual guy is going to tell you what your ex boyfriend really means when he says things to you.

Pretty cool, huh?

Every breakup reason.

Every booty call.

EVERYTHING he says to you is finally going to be explained no holds barred.

Are you scared?

You should be.

No, I am just kidding.

Let’s move on and take a look at the topics I am going to be covering.

The Format Of This Page

format of the meme

This page is going to be formatted in a specific way.

First I am going to talk about the “what your ex boyfriend says” portion of the section and then I am going to go into the “what he really means” portion of the section and give an in-depth explanation of what your ex boyfriend really means when he says things to you.

What “things” am I going to be covering?

  • “I hate you”
  • “Never talk to me again.”
  • “It’s not you, it’s me.”
  • “I never really loved you.”
  • “We will never get back together.”

I saved the best for last 😉 .

If you think of any to add then feel free to leave a comment in the comments section of this article and I will revisit this page sometime down the road and update it with new things you ladies are probably wondering about.

Shall we begin?

We do have a lot of ground to cover.

Your Ex Says He Hates You

I hate you

(Jeez… Chill out Anakin.)

I want you to do me a favor for a second here.

(Really this is a favor for yourself)

Scroll back up to the top of this page and read the introduction section.

Do you remember what I said there?

I said that breakups tend to bring out the worst in people.

After all, there is a reason that they compare losing a job to going through a break up, it sucks.

So, when you place a man (who is more aggressive than a woman) in a situation where he is going to be hurt/upset then it isn’t shocking to hear the words, “I hate you,” come out of his mouth.

Take me for example, I am a pretty nice guy.

I always do my best to treat people with the utmost respect and I was raised to always respect women.

Open doors…

Pay for meals…

You know, all that good stuff.

Yet, when you take me back to my very first relationship way back when I was a kiddo in high school I am pretty sure that when the inevitable break up did happen (and high school breakups are often inevitable) I muttered the words, “I hate you,” to my ex.

But did I mean it?

Actually, you know what?

Take me out of the equation entirely.

Do men mean it when they say they hate you?

What Does He Mean When He Says “I Hate You?”

what does this mean

Lets tackle this question as logically as we can.

Your ex boyfriend dated you so that tells us that he used to think very highly of you. I mean, I don’t know too many men that go into dating someone thinking,

“I don’t like her.”

Throughout your time together he probably told you,

He loved you…

Cared for you…

That you were his “one and only…”

I think you get the idea with what I am going for here.

So, when you take this into account I am relatively certain that your ex boyfriend doesn’t truly hate you.

What he is really saying is that he hates what has happened to your relationship.

He hates the situation.

He hates the way it makes him feel.

He hates the pain.

And since you are associated with the pain he is feeling you are going to get blamed by association.

Hence the, “I hate you” mantra he has adopted.

Above I mentioned that I may have muttered the words, “I hate you” to the very first girlfriend I had way back in high school. Now, I know a high school relationship that happened close to ten years ago isn’t exactly going to bring earth shattering revelations but bear with me here as I try to make my point.

Do you think I meant it when I said it?

Of course not.

I hated the way I was feeling.

I hated having a failed relationship and all that depressing stuff I mentioned above (with the pain and all that.)

But I also knew that it would hurt my ex girlfriend if I said it to her and since I wasn’t exactly what you would call a seasoned veteran when it came to handling breakups yet I wasn’t above revenge.

This is horrible for me to admit but I was young so you have to realize the immature mentality I had.

I literally thought to myself,

“What can I say to my ex girlfriend to make her feel as horrible as I feel right now? Hmm.. I know, I will tell her that I hate her and I wish I had never met her. That will hurt her.”

That’s not a very mature way of handling things is it?

The important takeaway that I want you to take from this negative experience that I am sharing is that most men don’t mean it when they say they hate you. Instead they are just projecting on how they feel about the situation they are currently in.

Of course, some men will say it with the intentions of hurting you as well.

So, there are really two things that men are trying to say when they say they hate you.

  1. I hate you = I hate the situation
  2. I hate you = I hope this hurts you so you can feel how I feel

Lets move on to another ex boyfriend favorite,

“Never talk to me again.”

Your Ex Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

talk to me

There are really two situations that spring to mind when I hear from a woman who is wondering if her boyfriend really means it when he tells her to never contact him again.

  1. The couple got into a bad fight that culminated in the man saying “never talk to me again.”
  2.  The woman constantly bugs the guy and he gets so fed up that he tells her to never talk to him again.

In order to fully understand what an ex boyfriend really means when he says never talk to me again we must first understand exactly what these situations look like.

Situation 1- A Bad Fight Results In The Man Telling The Woman To Never Talk To Him Again

Lets do our first role play!

Lets pretend that I am your boyfriend and the two of us got into a massive fight over your cat.

Fun Fact: I am definitely not a cat person (I’m allergic) so I can definitely see myself getting into a fight with someone over a cat.

So, we go back and forth over your cat and the fight starts to evolve as bad fights usually do. What started out as a “friendly” sparring session over you cat turns ugly when we drag all kinds of unrelated things into the fight.

My parents… (HOW DARE YOU)

Your parents…

My gigantic muscles… (seen above)

How the house never gets cleaned…

How I never take out the trash.

(You get the idea)

The fight gets so bad that we break up over it.

A few days pass after the break up and you attempt to reach out to me.

“Hey..”

What is my response?

“I thought I told you to never talk to me again.”

What the heck do I mean by that?

Well, I will tell you in a second but first lets tackle the second situation I see a lot of when it comes to men saying, “never talk to me again,” to their ex girlfriends.

Situation 2- You Annoy Your Ex So Much After The Breakup That He Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

Lets stick with the cat example above since we had so much fun with that.

So, the two of us used to date and we broke up due to a horrible fight over your cat.

cat

After the breakup you realize that you made a horrible mistake and you want me back.

(It’s about time you came to your senses.)

Well, your strategy for getting me back involves messaging me about 30 times a day and calling me about 10.

Obviously I like the attention at first but then it gets to be a little too much and I begin to resent you for it.

Eventually your efforts get so out of hand that I can’t stand to hear from you anymore.

It is only when I am pushed to this point that I lay down the law.

“Don’t talk to me anymore.”

What It Means When An Ex Boyfriend Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

what does that even mean

Obviously since I divided this particular topic up into two different situations,

  1. The couple got into a bad fight that culminated in the man saying “never talk to me again.”
  2.  The woman constantly bugs the guy and he gets so fed up that he tells her to never talk to him again.

There are two completely different meanings behind an ex saying “never talk to me again.”

Just like above I am going to divide this section up into two categories,

  1. What it means when an ex says “never talk to me again” in situation 1
  2. What it means when an ex says “never talk to me again” in situation 2

Lets start off on a good note first and talk about category number one!

What It Means When Your Ex Boyfriend Says “Never Talk To Me Again” In Situation 1

For those of you who have horrible memories situation 1 is a situation in which you and your ex boyfriend get into a massive fight and the fight is culminated with our five favorite words,

“Don’t talk to me again.”

The thing that you really have to keep in mind here is the fact that your ex is saying this from a highly emotional state.

Breakups have this funny ability to make even the nicest of people turn into angry lunatics.

(Seriously, I have seen it firsthand.)

So, if you got caught in the crossfire of a heated breakup and your boyfriend said this to you then don’t take it personally.

I am sure if he was honest with himself he really doesn’t mean it.

Besides, I can probably give you hundreds of examples where an ex boyfriend said this to an ex girlfriend and then HE ends up being the one that gets in contact with her.

Now, if you are wondering what is going on in his mind to make him say this in the heat of the moment then look no further than the curious case of emotional states.

I don’t care how “well behaved” a man is.

If you push a man hard enough you can always get him to say things he doesn’t mean.

We are dealing with a real life human being here and human beings are imperfect. They are going to say things they don’t mean from time to time. This is especially true if you get into a bad fight with one.

What it all boils down to is the emotional state that your ex boyfriend was in when he said “never talk to me again.”

Since we are looking specifically at him AFTER a fight you can bet good money on the fact that he was in a very negative emotional state and as a result he is going to say things that aren’t very logical.

In other words, he doesn’t mean it when he says “never talk to me again.”

But what about the other situation?

Good question!

What It Means When An Ex Says “Never Talk To Me Again” In Situation 2

Situation 2 is vastly different than situation 1.

It looks specifically at a scenario where you (the ex girlfriend) goes a little crazy and contacts him too much.

How does that look?

Here’s a good example,

crazy annoying

Notice how this girl, Cordelia, is sending waaaayyyyy too many messages to her ex boyfriend.

(Cordelia is a Buffy reference by the way 😉 .)

Though that’s not all that Cordelia is doing.

In addition to sending a bunch of unanswered texts she is also calling her ex boyfriend up.

Of course, holding true to his form he ignores the calls.

missed call

In fact, Cordelia is acting is being so annoying to him that he sends her what she considers to be the kiss of death,

dont talk to me again

There it is…

“Don’t talk to me again.”

But do you think her ex boyfriend means it?

Yes he does…

BUT ONLY IN EXTREME CASES.

I am going to tell you the story of a girl that I went out on a date with a long time ago.

Now, I did not have a relationship with this girl but the same principle is going to apply.

The two of us went out on one date and after some thinking on my part I decided to inform her in a subtle way that I was not interested in her. Now, I didn’t want to completely cut her out of my life. I was willing to remain friends with her and I explained this to her.

She did not take too kindly to this.

Instead of just remaining friends she treated me like I was some sort of boyfriend that scorned her.

She turned into a “Cordelia.”

Now, I am the kind of person that absolutely hates confrontation so I didn’t want to have to start a fight with her but I knew I was going to have to lay down the law when I got a similar text message to this one day,

crazy text

Just to put this in perspective this wasn’t the first time something like this happened with this particular girl.

It was just the latest (and it was by far the worst.)

It was at this point that my “friendly” nature ceased to exist and Reid (as my wife likes to call him) came out.

Reid is my middle name in case you were wondering.

My wife likes to tease me that any time I get “moody” or “angry” that it’s really Reid and not me.

Well, Reid came out in spades.

reid

This was my way of saying “never talk to me again” and I meant it.

In fact, I went so far that I blocked her number from my phone forever.

So, if you ever needed motivation to stop contacting your ex after the breakup this is it.

Let’s move on.

It’s Not You, It’s Me

invented

Ah, the good ole, “it’s not you, it’s me” line.

I can’t hep it but every time I hear this I always immediately think of George from Seinfield.

(I attached a gif image at the beginning of this article depicting Georgie’s thoughts on this 😉 .)

Anyways, I just had to throw that in.

The thing I would like to turn your attention to when explaining this is that the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” can take many forms.

Too many women think that those exact five words have to be muttered to them for them to be eligible victims and that’s just not true.

The “it’s not you, it’s me” line has many variations.

For example, lets say that the two of us were dating and one day I call you up and say,

“Hey, I had a really good time with you but I’m not feeling this anymore… It’s nothing you did but I think we just need to go our separate ways.”

Believe it or not but the phrase that I just muttered to you over the breakup phone call is a longer variation of the “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Seriously, really take a look at the phrase.

“Hey, I had a really good time with you but I’m not feeling this anymoreIt’s nothing you did but I think we just need to go our separate ways.”

You will noticed that I bolded two parts.

Let’s dissect them.

“I’m not feeling this anymore”

By an ex saying this to you he is making you aware that he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore. That much is common sense. What you may not realize though is that by him saying “I’m not feeling this anymore” he is satisfying the “it’s me” part of the “it’s not you, it’s me” phrase we are dissecting in this section.

Lets move on the second part.

“It’s nothing you did”

Not too hard to dissect this one.

Your ex is basically telling you that you didn’t do anything to make him leave.

He’s informing you that you are innocent in this.

“It’s not you..”

Do you see what happened here?

I am waiting for a million light bulbs to go off…

The entire phrase above basically flip flopped the “it’s not you, it’s me” parts into “it’s me, it’s not you.”

It’s just harder to see since it is disguised cleverly around a lot of words but if you look hard enough (the bold parts) you will see it.

Lets move on to the fun part and dissect what your ex boyfriend really means if he gives you the Seinfeld excuse.

What He Means When He Says “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

Your ex boyfriend is a liar and I am going to prove why.

Let’s do a fun little exercise.

You know your boyfriend pretty well, right?

Which celebrity does he have a small crush on?

(Since I can’t hear your answers I am just going to have to make up one for you.)

Lets say that your boyfriend has a massive crush on Megan Fox (since she seems to be everyone’s definition of “hot” right now.)

Megan Fox Wallpapers

Alright, so lets say that your ex boyfriend is dating the woman of his dreams, Megan Fox.

Realistically can you picture him telling Megan Fox, “it’s not you, it’s me?”

I can’t…

Heck, I can’t even picture him breaking up with her.

Look, any many who gives you this sch-peel of “it’s not you, it’s me” is lying to you.

What he is really trying to tell you is that “it’s you, it’s not me.”

Men don’t leave women who they think are worth it. They leave the women they think aren’t worth it. They leave the women that they think they can do better than.

Picture a scale of 1-10.

1-10

Let’s say that when your ex boyfriend first started dating you he determined that you were an 8 on the scale,

1-10

As your relationship goes on he lowers your value to a 6

1-10 copy

Well, in his mind he is going to think “I can do better than her” at this point and that is where to start to see the “it’s not you’s, it’s me” come into play.

The truth is that in his mind it is you.

“It’s not me, it’s you” = “It’s you, it’s not me”

I Never Really Loved You…

never

OUCH!

If your ex boyfriend mutters these words to you then I imagine it must sting pretty badly.

I mean, saying “I love you” to someone and meaning it in that deep personal way is a big deal. So, to hear that your ex boyfriend could potentially be throwing all of that out the window is especially painful.

To be honest I am not sure that this one requires too much of a buildup.

Your ex boyfriend says “I never really loved you” to you…

There, build up done!

Lets move…

Actually, you know what?

I just thought of something.

Let’s generalize this.

If you really think about it an ex boyfriend who says that he never really loved you is probably doing so during a highly emotional moment. So, when I start explaining what he really means when he says this to you I want to operate under the assumption that he is in a highly emotional situation.

What constitutes as a high emotional situation?

  • A breakup
  • A fight
  • Anything like these situations (I couldn’t think of anymore :p )

Ok, lets move on and dissect this one.

What It Means If He Told You That He Never Really Loved You

does it mean

This situation is very similar to situation number 1 when a boyfriend tells you to never talk to him again.

If you recall, in that situation an ex doesn’t really mean it. He is just reacting to the situation he is in (which is highly emotional.)

Well, this situation is very similar to that except there is a small twist.

In my opinion, if an ex boyfriend tells you that he never really loved you he is just doing so to hurt your feelings and doesn’t really mean it at all.

Lets look at things from his perspective for a moment.

He is going through a breakup.

The two of you are probably fighting a lot.

He isn’t as good at handling his emotions as you are.

(In case you missed it I have talked multiple times at how men are more physical and woman are more emotional and this helps women handle their emotions better than men.)

Oh, and if you were the one that broke up with your ex boyfriend then it adds that extra little cherry on top.

From your ex boyfriends perspective you are the villain and what do men generally do when they come across a villain?

They try to hurt them and knock them down a peg.

So, what is the best way of accomplishing this?

Saying something super hurtful to you.

I never really loved you” seems to do quite nicely in this circumstance, huh?

Thousands of women come to this site every single day and every single day they freak out over stuff like this. The truth of the matter is that I don’t even take it that seriously. I just look at it as an ex boyfriend trying to say something hurtful.

Deep down he doesn’t really mean it.

“I never really loved you” = What can I say to hurt her the most?

We Will Never Get Back Together

getting back together

I saved the best for last.

This is probably the whole reason you wanted to read this article anyways, right?

Heck, I wouldn’t even be shocked if you just scrolled straight down to this section and skipped all the others.

I will say one thing.

Without a doubt this is one of the top questions that I get asked on a daily basis.

Usually it goes a little something like this,

“Chris, my boyfriend told me that we have no chance of getting back together with him, ZERO. Do you think he’s right? Is it over for me?”

This is a question I can’t wait to tackle in-depth.

So, rather than spend 500 words setting this up I am just going to get right down to the meat of this.

What He Really Means When He Says You Two Will Never Get Back Together

text mean

Lets take a big view of exes in general.

More specifically, the industry I am currently a part of.

What if I were to tell you that this is a million dollar industry?

What if I were to tell you that your beloved Ex Boyfriend Recovery site is still a small fish in a big pond?

Would you believe me?

Well, it’s true.

There are hundreds of so called experts out there that are trying to capitalize on your dollars.

Now, that may be a scary thing for you to hear since the last thing you want is to be taken advantage of.

Oh, by the way you should check out my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO 😉 .

No, I am just kidding.

The point I am trying to get at here is that the only reason that this industry is considered “thriving” is because couples do get back together. Heck, couples say the meanest possible things to each other and still get back together.

“I hate you…”

(Back together in a week!)

“Burn in he**”

(Back together in a day!)

“We are never getting back together again”

(Back together in 3 months!)

If your ex boyfriend says that the two of you will never get back together again then I wouldn’t take it to heart because I have seen too much flip flopping in my time to buy into it completely.

Now, lets not completely discredit all men.

There are some that really do mean it when they say we are never getting back together again.

However, in my opinion I think them saying it is really a function of what was done to them in the relationship.

The Importance Of Percentages

I like assigning percentage values to situations based on how high the chances of success are for a reconnection.

This percentage number is assigned based on my personal knowledge and experience seeing a lifetime worth of breakups.

For example, a general breakup would have a 30% chance of a reconnection. What I try to do is help women move that number up substantially.

So, maybe a general breakup percentage starts at 30% but after using my strategies it gets bumped up to 50%.

Of course, not all breakups are created equal.

Some percentage values are much lower than the 30% mark.

For example, if you take two of the hardest situations,

  • Cheating
  • He Gets A New Girlfriend

Instead of those situations starting at the general 30% mark they would start at the 10 – 20% marks respectively.

Obviously these situations are harder to succeed in.

It is in these situations that an ex boyfriend would be more likely to mean it if he said, “we are never getting back together.”

Get it?

No?

Ok, let me dig a little deeper for you.

Lets say that the two of us were dating and you cheated on me with my best friend…

Actually, lets make things worse and say that I walked in on you and him in bed together.

Ok, not only would that scar/mess me up for life but if I would say, “we are never getting back together,” to you then I would mean it.

It’s these extreme situations that have a low percentage of success that you have to watch out for. Those are the types of situations where an ex boyfriend could mean it if he says that he never wants to get back with you.

Here’s a quick rundown of the situations where he could say “we are never getting back together” and mean it.

  • He cheated on you
  • You cheated on him
  • He gets a new girlfriend

Now, before I finish this article up finally I want to make sure that you fully grasp what I am telling you here.

It is only in the most extreme situations where he might really mean what he is saying.

So, what it all boils down to is a function of how severe the damage during the relationship was to him.

We Are Never Getting Back Together = If you hurt me too much during the relationship I could mean this

Of course, I have also helped women get back with their exes in all the situation above so technically nothing is set in stone…

Just saying.

WHY HE SAID I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN

hurt you

What the HECK?!?!

This is the most mind boggling statement he could make, right?

I’m going to give you the secret as to why he said this! Ready?

He’s just trying to come off as the good guy here. It’s really that simple.

By saying,

“I don’t want to hurt you again”

He is making himself sound like the hero. He’s trying to sound like he’s protecting you but in reality he’s only being selfish.

What a hero, right?

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN?

hurt you

It sounds like some kind of BS line to me. Let’s face it, if he really didn’t want to hurt you again, the solution is simple…

He shouldn’t do anything stupid. 🙂

There are a million different ways that he could hurt you. Let’s take a moment to dissect some of them.

The first one that comes to mind is Cheating.

Well, absolutely that would hurt you, but could he prevent this?

Yes, he most certainly can.

So, the,

“I don’t want to hurt you again” statement doesn’t really hold up here.

What about if he was emotionally abusive?

He could go to therapy and get help. There are many things he could do to try to preserve your relationship instead of backing out and giving you the excuse of,

“I don’t want to hurt you again.”

But in this case I personally believe you should be the one breaking up with him anyway.

He could be afraid of commitment so as the relationship gets closer he is backing away.

You are looking for a life with him.

Marriage, children the whole nine yards but if he’s not ready to commit to you then he may use the line “I don’t want to hurt you again” especially if he’s expressed his feelings on the subject already.

We could go on and on all day about ways he could hurt you but when it comes down to it it’s a way for him to remove himself from the relationship and look like the good guy. Some guys really are that concerned with their image.

How do I know?

Well, I am a guy and I have actually seen this done first hand to a girl before.

YAY STORY TIME!

My best friend in college was what I would classify as a total ladies man. What do I mean by that?

Simple, this guy knew how to get a woman eating out of the palm of his hand. Now, I remember the first time I watched him work his voodoo on a girl I was impressed but after a while it became clear that the girl he worked “said voodoo on” was way more attached to him than he was to her.

Thus, a breakup was inevitable.

But my buddy was so obsessed with being perceived as the “good guy” that he decided to use the,

“I just know that if we keep dating I am going to hurt you and I don’t want that for you”

Line.

Tsk.. Tsk… Tsk….

All so he could protect his good guy image.

WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS

best friends

I want you to take a moment and imagine something for me.

You are living the perfect life. You have a great family, a great job, great friends and a great boyfriend. But one day you notice your boyfriend has a very sad look on his face.

You’ve seen this look before.

It’s the look of a man who is about to deliver some bad news to you.

That’s when he does it.

He breaks up with you.

But he can’t help just adding in this one line…

“We can still be friends.”

You’ve been intimate on every level, emotionally and physically and he wants to be friends!?!?

At that moment it feels like he is trying to stay in your life and that’s good, right? WRONG!

What’s really going on in his head?

Why would he say that?

Does he actually mean it or is he just saying it?

Perhaps he wants to stay friends to have the possibility of getting back together in the future?

These are all questions you are probably found yourself asking.

I am going to give you the low down on all of these unanswered questions and really bring you into the mind of a male.

Are you ready?

It can be a scary place… but the good news is I am going to walk you through it and give you guidance on what to do if he says he just wants to be friends.

WHAT DOES HE MEAN WHEN HE SAYS WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS?

cop out

This is the easiest way for your ex to break up with you. He doesn’t have to hurt your feelings in his mind because he still wants to be friends. It also secures a backup girlfriend in case his “post you” dating escapades don’t work out.

Think of it this way, he’s got you on the sidelines waiting around for him while he does whatever he wants. He may even try a friends with benefits situation down the line.

Take a look at this graphic.

graphic

Through this graphic I am showing you what’s going on in his head.

Your lost in a sea of women.

Just another number.

But there are two ways to break this trick he’s pulling…

The best thing you can do in this situation is to say,

“Sure we can be friends” and then start your no contact.

The second thing is becoming an ungetttable girl. You can read more about becoming an ungettable girl here.

But I will give you a brief description of how to do both here. First off, you will have to go completely ghost on him. Do not answer his texts if he texts you. Don’t answer his calls. Don’t “accidentally” call him. 😉 (I see this happen daily) This is probably the most difficult thing that you are going to have to go through.

Your brain is hardwired to talk to him but like I said above, you can’t. So, I am going to teach you a trick that I don’t think I have ever talked about on Ex Boyfriend Recovery before.

I want you to write down his number on a piece of paper twice.

Put one in your dresser and one in a small lock box.

Now, go out and buy a calendar. It’s important that this calendar is something that you love to look at everyday. There are so many different ones out there, Island paradise calendars, pictures of Europe calendars, puppies, kittens, babies, hot air balloons etc.

Pick one that will make you feel good every time you look at it.

Put your calendar up in plain view where you will see it daily and circle the date that your no contact period is up.

Are you with me so far?

Yes?

No?

Maybe?

So?

Ok, here comes the hard part.

I want you to delete his number!

That’s right, completely delete it from your phone. This way you will not have any temptations or “accidents.” You will still have his number in two different spots so you won’t have to worry about never getting it back again.

Oh and one more thing with regards to no contact.

Do not block him.

I repeat do not block him on anything. That will only make your life way harder. Just don’t answer any texts or calls that are from unknown numbers.

Got it?

Good!

Let’s move on and talk about the ungettable girl.

I want you to take out that same calendar and mark a weekly goal. I want you to put something on there daily and do it.

For example, if you want to look your best maybe you would put:

March 1st- Hair coloring appointment.
March 2nd- Start Gym Membership. (Or specific workouts at home.)
March 3rd- Go to a makeup demo.
March 4th- Paint nails.
March 5th- Join a co-ed indoor soccer team.

You get the point.

Not only will this distract you and give you something to focus on other than your ex, it will give you confidence. You will look and feel your best!

The other part to being an ungettable girl is to become the girl that every man wants.

Even if you technically aren’t there are specific ways to portray this persona.

For example, when you finally go on that first date with your ex boyfriend walk in front of him since women typically walk in front of men on dates and look at a guy (who is not your ex.) The idea here is to make it look like this other guy is checking you out.

Let’s role play this for a second.

Lets say that I am a woman.

Let’s call me….

CHRISTINA SEITER!

christina

Isn’t that a pretty woman?

I certainly think so haha!

Anyways, lets pretend that I am on a date with my ex and I want to try this method out. I am walking into a restaurant and since my ex is a gentlemen he holds the door open for me. As I am walking in I notice that there is a man walking towards me. Well, I would look at him out of the corner of my eye.

Now, the important thing to understand here is that it’s obvious to this other man that I am looking at him. And what do people do when they are looked at?

THEY LOOK BACK.

But here is the most genius part.

My ex is behind me the entire time. So, even though I am technically the one who made the guy look at me, to my ex it looks like this guy is checking me out. Oh, and since I am such a good looking girl the guy “checking me out” smiles and nods.

Extra bonus points! 🙂

But lets get out of this fantasy world where I am a woman and come back to the real world where I am teaching you to become the ungettable girl.

Another interesting aspect of the UG is that they are always busy. You want to be independent. If you’ve been with your ex for a long time the chances are pretty high that you are depending on him too much. Whether it’s for emotional stability or happiness you will have to show him that you can be happy on your own. It’s nice to feel wanted and needed and he will miss that feeling after a while.

Overall, this situation is actually wonderful for a breakup because he’s thinking your going to be friends with him but little does he know he is getting the cold shoulder for a few weeks so he can reassess his decision and during this time your becoming a version of yourself that he have never met before.

Such is the path of the ungettable girl.

I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

dont like you

So this is one of my favorite lines. “I never liked you anyway.”

You should be thinking,

“Come on, we’ve dated for 6 months, a year, two years and yet you threw away all of your precious time to a person you never even liked. HAHA”

It’s almost comical when a guy says this to his ex but it happens everyday.

It’s a very similar situation to the “I never loved you” comment that I’ve mentioned before. They are similar comments but ironically have completely different meanings. I think it’s safe to say that if your ex has told you that he never loved you the cut from that would be very deep. That is such a hurtful thing to say. Saying I never liked you definitely hurts but it’s a poor man’s “I never loved you.”

That’s the truth.

WHY YOUR EX SAID I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

dont like you

Take my friend “Bob” for example,

(By the way Bob is a fake name for a friend.)

His girlfriend and him were dating for 2 years and they got into a heated argument and he brings out the world famous line,

“Well, I never even liked you.”

You see, Bob and his ex were fighting over money which is one of the top reasons couples fight.

He had the gall to say, “I can’t believe you bought that $150 dress”

(This coming from a man who bought 3 video games that ended up costing the same as the dress.)

Guess what happened next?

Yup, you got it!

Bob’s ex went bat shit crazy and started throwing his games around while yelling and crying. Ultimately this was the last fight of their relationship. She walked out completely.

A few days passed and she started thinking to herself,

“Man, I think I made a mistake.”

So, she decided to call him again in an attempt to patch things up. But Bob, being the genius he is, decides to bring up the whole video game debacle again and the two of them started arguing again!

That’s when he said it…

“Well, I never even liked you anyways…”

Her heart dropped to the floor. She kept thinking,

“He can’t really mean that, right?”

So, why did Bob say it?

I remember asking him,

“Why did you say that to her?”

This was his response:

“I am just so sick of fighting with her. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Apparently Bob thought that this would be the easiest way to stop the fight and to get rid of her (for the time being.)

I WISH I NEVER MET YOU

never met you meme

Coming from a guy that probably said,

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me”

and

“I’m so glad I met you”

Throughout your relationship.

It probably threw you off completely hearing him say I wish I never met you.

So, lets take a moment and dissect what’s really going on in his head.

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS I WISH I NEVER MET YOU

The truth is that it could mean several different things. The first thing that comes to mind is one of my favorite quotes from Good Will Hunting.

“Most days I wish I never met you because then I could sleep at night and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge there was someone like you out there.”

Something tells me your ex didn’t say it in this way, otherwise you probably wouldn’t be on this site.

But the light at the end of the tunnel is that what he really meant when he says he wishes he never met you is that he is very hurt by you. You’ve brought out such strong feelings that he cannot deal with. It’s actually not the worst thing when a guy reacts emotionally like this because it means that he has feelings towards you. Even if they are negative feelings, he still has passion when it comes to you.

If he was nonchalant and aloof then you should worry a little more.

Oftentimes men don’t know how to express themselves as well as women do and so they resort to the easiest thing that comes to mind.

It’s pretty childish really.

They say things they don’t mean and a lot of times they end up regretting it. It never feels good to fight. In the moment it relieves some stress but later people often feel bad about it.

I’d be willing to bet your ex will regret or at least feel bad about things he says to you in the heat of the moment at some point.
Even when he says things like “I wish I never met you.”

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (615)

  1. Victoria guidry - 0

    Victoria guidry

    I want to give my input because I have a story that is about the king of douchebags. In 2015, Our relationship failed because of him & in the end he could have cared less about how I felt because “he was in Vegas for business”. That should have been the end right there but I am surrounded by good, quality people so even in this instance, I wanted to believe he was a good person……..2 months later we saw each other & it’s as if he was on the fence about things. He said he knew I was getting mad at him but also hurt me by saying “a relationship is the 1st and last thing on my mind”. Well what would make me want to see him anymore? I told him I couldn’t do this. He texted me weeks later saying/begging he wanted to see me so I let him. I saw him for another year and a half, the entire time fighting with him for commitment and falling in love with him. He was only taking advantage of me the entire time & now he won’t even answer a text or phone call because I told him “either we are together & you treat me right or we’re not” to which he says,” either we are friends with benefits or not” the entire time I was with him he always told me we couldn’t be together as well “because he lived so far” he lied, he lives in my town out of half the month.
    I had slipped into being fwb without even realizing it. I have done and completed 30 day no contact but he doesn’t even give me the time of day. It makes me feel so very used & betrayed like all I was, was just a service to him. He even tried to get me to believe that we were never together & that all we were was friends with benefits. He hurt me so deeply and I have cried forever. I could have saved myself a lot of pain & there is a lot more to this story(trust me, he is a horrible person that does not have a good heart.) but my question is, and I have even asked him this many times myself, why would he do this to a person? (His response is “I’m sorry I don’t know what to say) he uses me for years, breaks my heart, absolutely destroys my heart with all of his hurtful words AND HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY????!!!!!! At one point he even said to me, awful things like “All we ever were was fwb”
    “I haven’t ever done anything to you at all”
    Am I right that he doesn’t want to look like the bad guy because he tried to get me to believe that we weren’t together? At one point when I was talking to him about a relationship, he was asking “how could we get back together?” And then a month later changed it all and was set that we were never together. The hurtful words he has said are burned in my mind and my heart is deeply hurt. I have become depressed.

    Reply
    • Victoria guidry - 0

      Victoria guidry

      Another thing: he did tell me “I have my travels and am not ready to settle down” OK BUDDY (1st of all, my emotions run extremely high with him..2ndly, who said anything about planning a wedding right now? I just wanted commitment that is going to lead somewhere eventually & we can talk about that in the future.) so when I say it’s like all I was, was a service to him is because he didn’t care at all about me & had made it clear that if I wasn’t going to sleep with him (remind you: he still doesn’t want to be together) “plenty of other girls will”
      All I was, was a bump in the road and if I said anything about how he made me feel he was a J E R K & would tell me to “please stop”. “Go get a boyfriend or hangout with me when I am in town.” (So basically like Mentioned before, be fwb or go find something real with someone else.-this is where I felt like a service to him.) I am completely shattered and have even considered therapy or something. I am in shock that it ended like this because I wanted to believe their was good in him but I was looking at a false vision that I had of him the entire time.no one wants to believe that the person their with is like this.

  2. carla - 0

    carla

    I miss my boyfriend so much but he broke up with me just yesterday. His reasoning was anger and being upset and needing to remove himself from a deteriorating situation since he knew he would be very angry at me and didn’t know he could get past something he saw in an old email of mine. he had asked before if i had any pictures of my ex or if there were any compromising pictures. I had said no i had deleted everything and anything having to do with my ex. turns out i lend him my phone n he went through it and in a sent folder on my icloud there were some compromising pictures of my ex and i. grant it it was from 4 years ago, i’ve been w my now ex a year and a half, and i swear i did not know they were there. i had everything deleted form teh emails i actually use… never did i think of that icloud email much less the sent folder. even took me a while to find it when he told me and i didnt’ even open just deleted them. i miss him and i love him and i was pretty sure he loved me too until he told me i wasnt the kind of girl he wanted. and in some words that i wasnt good enough. n when i threw that to him he said maybe for somebody else. that he was humiliated and that losing me was easy this time because of what he saw. he blocked me seemed so uncaring about the fact, but thats how he is when he’s mad. i want to reach out but he has blocked me on text and facebook. he’s still on snapchat and he saw after he broke up with me my story which was pictures of us he took at a wedding the same night we ended up breaking up. should i let him be or try to somehow fix it or what. i know he’s very angry, although he says he’s at peace with it and right away was posting pictures of himself smiling n even himself which is what i know he does each time we have broken up. what should i do????

    Reply
  3. Patfg - 0

    Patfg

    My ex broke up me because he broke something n blames me. He says we r never getting back together n that I’m controlling he has sat n sun off work so this is the only time my kid n I can spend time with him.
    He told a friend that when he’s with me he wants to shoot himself…
    He tells my kid that he don’t want mommy

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Patfg,

      He sounds abusive.. you shouldn’t go back to a person who talks to your kid like that..

    • MELODY - 0

      MELODY

      hello

  4. Samantha - 0

    Samantha

    Soo I see this is a pretty active website with the current blog posts and quick responses following…so I’ll give this a go for someone’s outside interpretation, which would be highly appreciated. So the first time he broke up with me was about a year into our relationship. He wrote me a random enexpeted letter saying how he didn’t like me as a person, like I wasnt making him a better person…well that resolved after about 2 weeks of silence. During that time he texted me why I was wasn’t trying to communicate with him and I told her him because the relationship is in his hands sense he thinks I’m the flaw so I was waiting for him to confront me first. Nevertheless it worked and he begged and told me he had made a big mistake and never let him break up with me again due to his own personal stress..well about 3 times since then he has needed a day or two of “this stud thinking” , as in I feel happy atleast and things are gong well then he needs a moment. Ez this time (it’s be 5 days now) he randomly called me cling for asking him to go to the grocery store with me and then the following day break up with me. I never know what will set him off. Is it me with him that doesn’t work. Or is it a mental thing with him? Because clearly I’m not doing anything wrong and acting the same way like when he is infatuated with us…help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Samantha,

      Give it a week and then ask, if he doesn’t want to make things clear, try the no contact rule.

  5. Datruevine - 0

    Datruevine

    Hi
    I was in a relationship for 8 months. He moved me out of my place into his when I lost my job. We planned on getting married. We started having problems about sex and then old contacts in my cell but we always made up and had loving fun together when he was in town, because he works a lot out of town. Two days before Valentines day he came home and started an argument before we made love and by the 14th of Feb. he kicked me out the house, by the 16th which was my birthday he had packed all my stuff and put it in the shed out back. I had to call the police because he wouldn’t let me back in the house. Now I’m back in the house but he has left with all his things and didn’t renew the lease. I feel like there’s another girl. I love him so very much, he made me fall in love with him because he had been hurt in the past like I was, he would cry to me as he asked if I really loved him. I repetitively assured him that I did. In tears I asked him why was he doing this and he said because he had asked me 5 times to delete the old contacts of ex that I no longer spoke to. He was so angry with me and we had a bad argument. I was heart broken and could not believe this was happening because of old contacts. He has told everyone bad things about me but told his brother he knew that it was wrong but he just wanted me gone. He has blocked me fully on every thing. I just don’t understand. I would love more then anything to be back with him but I would love it even more if he would just talk to me and tell me what happened.

    Reply
  6. Kristen - 0

    Kristen

    I completed the no contact rule once. He contacted me and everything was going pretty well… he just didn’t seem interested. He wouldn’t reply at times, short messages… I’m confused as to why he even wanted to talk again. It became very frustrating but I went with the flow and we started hitting the gym together. But I messed up… again. He still contacts my best friend and that bothers me. Or did. And it was even worse when I found out she went behind my back and went drinking with him and friends because I couldn’t make it. I went crazy. I felt so betrayed I ended a ten year relationship and told him that he costed me a ten year friendship. He didn’t understand and I explained but in a way I should not have saying I lost my best friend over somebody who never cared about me, and never will. He never responded and I got angry asking for all of the money he owed me to which he responded with “k”. I guess I just wanted to feel heard… so I told him I needed to talk to him but not about us getting back together. He seemed a little frustrated and told me to tell him “now”. I tried calling and he sent me to voicemail…that threw me over the edge. So I asked him why he couldn’t just stay away from me and my friends? I understood if he hated me or what not but why did he have to get in the way of my friendship? To which he responded saying there I go again with my bs drama and not to talk to him anymore, that he would give me money and that’s it. So I called and texted a couple more times and told him I deserved an explanation after everything he has caused to which he responded he wasn’t going to go through that with me again and that’s why he didn’t want to be just friends with me because then I would start with all of this again and told me to stop calling and texting him already. I did. But I just sent one last text apologizing and explanning how all that rage came from a place of hurt and that I didn’t expect him to understand and that if he didn’t want to be friends he didn’t have to. Nobody made him. I never asked him to be my friend in fact I was in the middle of healing when he came out of nowhere.
    I guess my question now is if I ruined every chance I had with him? I know for a fact if he gave us the chance to sit down and talk about it we would probably be back together same day. We would fight quite a bit but made up within five minutes after talking it out… I just don’t know what to do. I’m going back into no contact… but I just want to know what is it that he wanted in the first place?! He knew better. He knew I wasn’t going to lose feelings in three weeks. What did he want from me? And did I ruin my chances?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kristen,

      when did all of that happen? It’s actually common for exes to want to be friends because they miss talking to you which is what they’re used to.

    • Kristen - 0

      Kristen

      It happened on Monday so it’s still really fresh.
      We had not spoken for a month and a half before but had been in contact for a couple of weeks prior to the last day we spoke (Monday)
      It’s all just confusing. He knows how deep my feelings are for him and even told my friends the day we went into no contact that he just needed space, and when he decided he was ready to come back, if I wasn’t willing to work things out he would understand. At that point he had mentioned he couldn’t be my friend at the time because we would just hurt each other. Which was one week into no contact. Three weeks later he’s back.
      I left the ball in his court and he initiated everything. From texting to meeting in person. He just seemed to open up more and more each time we hung out. He kept wanting to see me again, but through text it was a different story. I get he’s a busy guy…and I shouldn’t expect him to prioritize me since we broke up but… I’m just confused. Normally he’s straight forward with what he wants, this time he had me guessing.
      I’m not going to lie I do want him back… but now I feel hopeless because I just reminded him of why he left me in the first place. Even after all of the great things I did for him he sees me as “drama”.
      I just don’t know what moves to make from here. I’m confident in the kind of girlfriend I was to him, it was just our arguments that got the best of us. Just the night before we broke up he was begging me not to leave, the next minute he’s saying we can’t be together. (There is nobody else involved, I’m one hundred percent on that) But if that were true why wouldn’t he be true to his word and stay away? He’s not the type to remain friends with ex girlfriends. That I’m sure of. Yet he came back… there were days where he confided in me like we used to, days where he was quiet, and days where he was the happiest to see me (usually in person)
      I feel like I messed everything up. What do I do now? Is there any hope?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just rest from initiating for at least two weeks.. go back to establishing you have your own life and then slowly build rapport after that.

  7. Andrea Rivera - 0

    Andrea Rivera

    Hello, me and my ex were together for over a year. We moved In together almost immediately and our relationship was intense and we both knew we’d marry each other one day. We moved into his parents because I lost my job and that’s really when all the arguing began. He broke up with me back in November but we still lived together and acted like a couple when we weren’t arguing. We got into a big argument and I left back in December. He came back for me, told me he wanted to grow old with me, loved me, ect. I didn’t do no contact back then. So up until the middle of February, he said that were not getting back together and that he’ll be my friend. I left again and now I’ve just been texting him randomly, but when I text randomly I send a bunch at a time. I asked if he loved me and he didn’t answer me directly, just said he’ll always care about me as a friend. I blew up his phone again today. I want to know if there’s a chance, if I do the no contact. Is there?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Andrea,

      There’s no guarantee that it will, but it’s better than chasing.

  8. Lucia - 0

    Lucia

    I had a kind of fwb arrangement with a guy five months ago. We get along pretty well and were really close, but I have been rejected him twice before.. So quickly he decided to stop and to find a serious relationship, but we decided to stay friends. It hurted me to stop seeing him and it was the beggining of fights between the two of us.. Then he told me when he found new girls etc, and I was mad at him for “stuff” that people were saying about him around me.
    Last week I discovered that my “friends” had lied to me since the beginning, by jealousy, and I believed them (that’s why I didn’t want a serious relationship with him when we met). Finally, we reconcilied with the guy. I wanted to try to bring us closer again, because now I have huge feelings for him, until another friend says false things about him. I had a big argument with my ex-fwb (for the second time in a week) and he told me to never talk to him again and that the friendship was over. I regret everything.. Have I lost him forever ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lucia,

      if he doesn’t want to talk, take this opportunity to do at least 30 days no contact rule and be active in improving yourself. After that, take it as a restart. Slowly rebuild rapport, and don’t be fwb again.

    • Lucia - 0

      Lucia

      Hi,
      Thanks a lot for replying !
      Well, I have another question : I still haven’t reply to his texts (it’s been a week now), where he said that our friendship was over, to not talk to him anymore and other meanful things. I would like to apologize but I wonder if I have to do it now, or do I have to wait until the end of no contact period ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      after no contact period..

  9. Ano - 0

    Ano

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, we broke up about a month ago. I broke up with him because I was going through personal problems at home and at work that I tried dealing with them on my own and not involving him. And that pushed him away because I became distant and just wanted to be alone all the time and hardly with him. I also became less intimate with him. I literally tried getting back with him after two days of breaking up but he said he doesn’t want to get back with me coz he knows second chances never work for him. I have been seeing him coz we agreed to be friends but that kind of stopped after I went begging to him and he pushed me away. That was wrong for me to do I realized, so I decided to start the NC rule and it has been almost a week now. Do you think I still have a chance with him? Please suggest other things I can do to win him back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ano,

      If he’s just getting back at you, there can still be a chance.. Are you actively improving yourself?

  10. Julie - 0

    Julie

    I almost feel pathetic at wanting a guy back that doesn’t want me – but we did have a great relationship and I just want to make sure I don’t mess this up
    So when he broke up over the phone unexpectedly he was very upset saying we are never going to be friends we will never see each other blah blah
    Well at over 3 weeks post contact we talked for 2 hours (I called) and I want to know why he did somethings
    Basically he made me feel guilty about some things that happened and that he has to do because immnot in his life – why
    He also said he hopes I find someone that treats me how I want to be treated
    And that
    It’s best if we just move on
    But we talked for two hours and he talked about all the good times (while placing the blame on me causing fights)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Julie,

      so, what’s your decision? Do you want to try or just move on?

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      Oh I definitely want to try!
      I just don’t understand what he was doing
      I mean it’s like he was Trying to make me feel sorry for him because he has to do things that he wouldn’t have had to do if we were together and some things happened that wouldn’t have if I was there
      Like things like that
      I mean we talked for two hours and he brought up happy moments and good times and it seemed like he was laying in the guilt trip but i mean why did he do all that and say we should move on ? Like what was he hoping I’d do

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      Ok so we talked on the phone 3 nights ago for two hours I called
      And we ended it with me waiting to hear back if I’m coming next week – we’ll he called and I’m at work
      Should I not have answered ? Like I am trying to play non chalant but I answered at work
      I told him I was a little busy
      He didn’t sound happy – but maybe he’s tired
      He said well we prob wouldn’t talk long
      So now I’m freaking out because he said he would talk to me in two nights cuz he knows I’m
      Off work early then
      What do I do

  11. Amy B - 0

    Amy B

    I’ll try and make this as short as possible. Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 8 years. With a few hiccups inbetween. We have both hurt each other in the past and after splitting up for a year we decided to give it another shot. Everything seemed to be going well, he is a little emotionally unstable at the moment and I have been there supporting him and encouraging him to better himself. The past week a girl he had been seeing when we were broke up tried contacting him although he ignored her and got really angry when she kept calling. Then the other day he told me he needed to talk. I knew what was coming. FIrstly he said he thought we were moving things too fast.. bearing in mind we hadn’t moved back in together and last week he asked me my ring size.. Then he said he needed some space and to get his head sorted. Then a few hours later he said he loves me but doesn’t think he could love me the way he used too. I am so confused and hurt by all of this. He has since blocked my number, although said he would call today. He hasn’t. I’m not 100% if the other girl is on the scene. But I just want to know if there is anything I could do to higher my chances of getting back with him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amy,

      since he already blocked you, why not try the no contact rule and focus in improving yourself?

  12. Sherisse - 0

    Sherisse

    Hello Amor,

    My ex and I were together almost three years broke up December 7th and we have been in NC since then. Although our break up talk was calm he said he missed me but we will never be together and that he wants to be single for a few years. However he stalks my social media, drives past my house, walks around my work station trying to get me to notice him, and sent our mutual friend to see how I am doing after the breakup. Given my fear of rejection I am too timid to initiate contact so I have been using social media to try to inform him that I miss him. He still hasn’t reached out to me but keeps doing what I mentioned above. How does one sort this out?

    Reply
    • Sherisse - 0

      Sherisse

      Sorry the website didn’t show my comment so I reposted it. Please delete one if you can. Thank you.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm actuallt you should use the no contact rule and social media to make hin regret through your improvementa and not chase..if it’s just subtle clues that you miss something that’s ok but if it’s so obvious, then you have to restart count.. And if you really don’t want to initiate contact, the best you can do is to set a limit on until when you would wait

  13. Sat - 0

    Sat

    Hi there,

    My boyfriend of 17 months and I split up last weekend. We had a kinda on and off relationship. I say kinda purely because whenever one of us considered breaking up, we would never go through with it because of how much we loved and cared for each other. Now you’re probably wondering why we would be breaking up? From day one there were external stressors – relocation, long distance, losing my job, living in a restricted environment, university pressures, family issues. There were a lot of external factors, and we both agreed it was a case of the right people but the wrong timing. Had the circumstances been kinder we would’ve made it work. We both loved each other so much and just the other week we were discussing marriage and our wedding. The break up was quite sudden. The argument got out of hand and it was just too much to cope with. He initiated it as he felt it was for the best. Being off and on (even though we never actually went through with breaking up… maybe just for a few mins) brought uncertainty and instability and he felt enough was enough. During our time together, the external issues made me very insecure, and i developed anxiety and mild depression. He had just left a relationship as he had met me so was not entirely prepared for something so meaningful and loving. We got into a pattern where we would be so focussed on the other person’s happiness that we began to neglect ourselves. The break up was highly emotional but amicable. Our friends said it was probably the cleanest and most amicable break up they’d heard of, a real testament to our love. But his friends and family are also repeatedly telling him that this is for the best. We both thought each other was the one. But his philosophy is, if he met the one once in his lifetime, he surely can again. He said he would not rule out getting back together in the future, but he can’t make me any promises as it is unfair to give hope like that. Even if he asked me back today, I would say no, as I realise I need to make a lot of changes and learn to love myself and settle into my life. As does he (the next few months are going to be tough for us both in terms of work commitments). He even messaged me today saying that if I need anything, I just have to let him know. We are not going to be strangers, but I feel I shouldn’t contact him for the time being so that we can start to heal and grow and become our best selves. It wasn’t like he didn’t love me anymore or stopped caring. We will always be there for each other but we’ve minimised contact to essential only for the time being. However, I do want him back. What are my chances of this in the future? I would really appreciate your thoughts.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sat,

      yeah, the no contact period would help you start to heal and start a new routine.. Take it slow.. If it’s just because of being overwhelmed, then I think you have a good chance.

    • Sat - 0

      Sat

      Overwhelmed by what? What else do you think could be the case? And what is indicating to you that I may have a good chance? How long should I implement no contact for?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      overwhelmed by everything that happened in he relationships, the stressors, that he has related you to the problems..And you said it yourself it was too much to cope with.. So, if he sees you’re moving on, really changing, improving, then that can make him see you in a different light.. that’s why it’s good that you said you need to heal first..that’s the right step

    • Sat - 0

      Sat

      Thanks for your advice. How long do you think it will take? And how do I suggest a meeting after going NC?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      at least 30, if you need to extend to 45, that’s ok.. And dont stop improving yourself even after nc.. slowly build rapport and attraction first through texts, and then calls and then procees to meet ups

  14. Mike - 0

    Mike

    I want my ex back but she said it would be best to go our separate ways but I been there for her and I also hurt her. How can I get her back

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mike,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  15. amy - 0

    amy

    Hai Amy here

    me and my bf friend date for almost 6 month .Our relationship seems to go with the flow.but after a month .he try to backing off from me.and he refuse to call me.i asked him he say he want time to be relax and want a break because of over tension and stressed.I ask help from his friend to talk to him ,,his friend told me something bad about him..his pass life ..i get shocked and ask him. and i also send his some hurtful messages to hurt him…he only say one thing “i never want you back in my life”.he also block me in all social media and calls from my parent …what should i do…i really miss him and pleas help…..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amy,

      are you going to do the no contact rule?

  16. Aarya - 0

    Aarya

    Me n my bf were together for a year and I always had a complaint tht he could nvr find tym for me but we managed after sometime we met one day and I read his sextext to some other girl I was devastated n we had a fight (I was the one crying n screaming) he didn’t say except apologising I forgave him n decided to start fresh n NXT day he dumped me …. Blocking me in every possible way .. he unblocked me after a friend convinced him .. but he kept ignoring all my questions giving me no reason for what he did .. he refuses to talk abt it to anyone … I really want him back … Why is he doing this to me ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Aarya,

      if he has been ignoring you or lacking time recently then that means he’s not that interested anymore and he just used the recent event as excuse to break up..Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  17. Susan - 0

    Susan

    Me and my boyfriend hav a son 9months old …i have it difficult to understand him.He say he loves me nd after few days he hates me just like that out of the blue.He wld complain about how bad i am at sex but would be the first asking for it nd when i dont he gets upset…sometimes he is very rude nd has no way of talking to me .. i try so hard to understand him but i cant.He would text me things like he cant wait for us to get married nd after a few days he wld say that he will be happier alone nd when i ask him if he wants to be alone he wld say i can leave if i want this is all confusing for me .. does he even love me ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Susan,

      how old are you both and how long have you been together?

  18. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    We are most likely older than the others in this conversation. I am 51 and he is 56. We have been dating for 2 1/2 years and we were planning on moving in together in the spring of 2017. Exactly 6 months ago, there was a huge blow up. We were at a party and my daughter age 24, stated she saw him kiss another woman. I was so taken back and we were all at this party (drinking was involved). I said nothing, my daughter made a big of it and he denied it and left. My daughter and I return to his beach house approx. 1 hour later to find my bags packed in front of the bedroom door. I confronted in (without yelling) and he denied all of it. But his last response was it wouldn’t matter anyway as we aren’t exclusive, which took me back. My daughter and him got into a huge argument. He left in the middle of the night and the following morning, I tried opening his locked i-pad which I would have never done and I got the password right the first time. I found that he has been cheating on me with numerous women and he was on several dating sites. But the strange thing was I was the one who attended family events with him. I was the one at the beach house every weekend and I was the one going on vacations with him. We have not seen each other in 6 months and have not spoken. I texted him on Christmas and his birthday, he responded and said thank you. I know that he has been dating and so have I. I was away with the man that I am dating for New Years and had a horrible time and I couldn’t wait to return. I think about my ex all the time and miss him so much. When we would go away we always had a great time and there have been times that we extended our trip because we didn’t want to leave. I texted him and he responded about how much he misses me but stated that my daughter ruined everything. I told him via text, that our relationship has nothing to do with her and that time heals all wounds. I also suggested that we talk. He told me that he thinks about me all the time and more so when he is out with other people and I told him “me too”. I have not heard anything since. I do believe in forgiveness and I am willing to give this a second chance especially at my age and we have a couple years invested into this relationship. I have been divorced for over ten years and it has been a long time since I found happiness and someone that I was compatible with. I don’t know what to do. Do you think we have a chance or am I wasting my time.

    Reply
  19. Susan - 0

    Susan

    Hi, I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the last 6 months. The last two or three weeks I have noticed how cold and distant he has become. Yesterday I posted on Facebook that I was checked in at a hospital as I had fainted at work. He rang me a couple of times in the evening. Eventually I spoke to him. He was so angry. He said why didn’t you call me or ring me if you were ill. Then said I know exactly what you were doing by putting that up there and I have deleted you from Facebook. I said you weren’t talking to me. He replied and I’ll never talk to you again. So I said if it’s over then I don’t I deserve you telling me to my face. He said I need to go and I’ll ring you back in a minute. He still hasn’t called. Should I do the non contact strategy?

    Reply
  20. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    My boyfriend and I dated for 7 months. We used to fight about not Coming to see me or no wanting to hang out with me. After a miss understanding yesterday with me crying over the phone,my mum heard me n spoke with him over the phone. He agreed everything with my mum n was cool with me. After he said talk to u later n he hang up. And send me a massive message. he break up with me. Saying: This obviously indicates that u are still young. And I’m sorry but I’m going to have to end what we have. In no way should I be told how to be in a relationship. Your mum obviously doesn’t know my side of the story. I hope. You have a great life and I’m sure I will see u around sometime. I had a great time being with u and you know I care about you. But things r just getting too much for me. I truly wish u the best. This message hurts me a lot. Whenever I read it. Does it mean he’s gone forever? Or don’t want to have anything with me? I send him message on FB he seen it but didn’t reply back. Message he didn’t reply back as well.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lisa,

      his ego was hurt.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  21. Victoria - 0

    Victoria

    Hi there. My now ex boyfriend and I were together for 10 months. It was the most amazing time of my life. Within the first 4 months of dating he told me that he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and he wanted to marry me. Naturally I was thrilled to hear about this because I had fallen so hard for him and loved him with everything I had in me! We would talk everyday and would spend tone together as much as possible. (At the time I worked day shifts and he worked nights) but we would still find time to see each other on the weekends. He would always take me out and he treated me like a princess. I would also try to spoil him as much as I could by surprising him with dates etc. We never fought! We only had minor disagreements and they never resulted in anger or frustration with each other and they would always get resolved. He told me he loved me everyday and took me to meet his family shortly after dating. He would ask me things like where do you want to get married? Or what season would you prefer to be married in? Or even say my name and replace my last name with his and tell me he loved the sound of that. 10 months later I was at his house waiting for him to get home (he gave me a key) He came home from work and I could tell something was wrong. I though it had something to do with his work because he was waiting to hear back from a possibly promotion and I just assumed that he didn’t get it. I asked him to sit down and talk to me and he started the conversation with ‘you and me…’ And I knew where it was going after that. He said that he is not happy and that he’s very stressed and that he feels terrible that he can’t spend very much time with me. He said I deserve someone who will spend more than a couple hours with me on the weekend. He said that he loves me and that I’m perfect and we’re perfect together, but he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I was devastated! My heart was completly shattered! The man I thought I was for sure going to marry left me. I didn’t contact him at all until a few weeks later and just asked if he was happier without me and he said not without me he’s just a lot less stressed without a relationship. I asked him of he ever thought we would get back to that place and he said I don’t know. I just don’t think I’m ready for any kind of relationship with anyone. I’m trying to give him his space and not contact him, but all I want to do is talk to him and have him back. He’s struggled with depression in the past so I’m really worried about him because this is very much out of character for him. His parents even told me that they thought for sure we were going to get married and they didn’t see our breakup coming at all. What do I do? Is this just a phase or will this be permanent? I don’t want him to forget about me. I’m not desperate by any means but I desperately want him back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Victoria,

      I think it’s more.of depresssion..His parents are there, so.don’t worry too much.. Is he getting professional help?

    • Victoria - 0

      Victoria

      Not at this particular moment I don’t think. He doesn’t have a great relationship with his parents and hides all of his emotions from them which he never did with me. So that’s where my concern lies.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well you have to inform them because it’s great that you’re concerned but you’re not his crutch.. if you want you can check on him but if it’s apparent that he doesn’t want to talk and he wants to handle things on his own, let him.. Dont baby him.. unless he’s suicidal

    • Victoria - 0

      Victoria

      OK. Do you think this is permanent?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      no of course not..

    • Victoria - 0

      Victoria

      And what do I do?

    • Victoria - 0

      Victoria

      Do you think this will be permanent?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      focus in yourself..continue imoroving yourself because that can help to inspire and attract him..

    • Victoria - 0

      Victoria

      Thank you so much for your help!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re welcome!

    • Victoria - 0

      Victoria

      I’m not trying to rush this process at all because I know it will take time, but how long should I wait until I move on if he doesn’t come back?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it depends on your standards and what you know about him. For me, if I was in yoir situation, maybe 3 months or less..

    • Victoria - 0

      Victoria

      I haven’t heard anything from him should I try to contact him? Or should I stick with the no contact rule?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you target 3 months of nc, stick to it..

  22. Gabbie - 0

    Gabbie

    My ex and i had a small fight and i got so mad. He told me that if i won’t stop then he’ll break up with me and i dared him to. The next day he told me that we should break up. But before our fight happened it felt like we were really okay. I apologized and even begged for him to take me back (that was before i read about the nc rule). I asked if it was okay for me to expect from us again and he said no. “How are you supposed to move on if you’re still expecting?” I’m now on my second day of nc and i will keep it up. I wish he would miss me because it feels like he doesn’t know if he still loves me or not.

    Reply
  23. Taylor Gleason - 0

    Taylor Gleason

    My boyfriend and I broke up a month and a half ago. We broke up because I told another one of his friends I would hook up with him if me and my boyfriend weren’t dating. I said this 4 months before he actually broke up with me. He says I really hurt him and that he can’t look at me the same. He says he still loves me but can’t date someone who said that to someone else. As soon as we broke up I begged and begged to get him back. That never happened. So we still hung out until I told him I was officially done talking to him. Of course still being in love with him I didn’t mean it. So he had to leave for college in a week so I decided to hangout with him a lot before he left. We went out to see a movie, hungout at my house with my family, and saw him on the day he was leaving. He said he still loves me and will miss me when he is away. We talked everyday for the first week he was gone but I keep getting too worried he is going to hookup with someone. Eventhough we aren’t dating. He is a very shy guy and I was his first girlfriend. I am more outgoing and he keeps thinking I want to hookup with his friends but they hit me up. I don’t even text him back or usually say no. Today his friend accidentally called me on snapchat and he got so made. He said theres no way by accident and I must have been talking to him before, which isn’t true. He told me that we won’t get back together because he doesn’t think he will ever forget what I said to his friend. He also doesn’t want to date in college but hopes to get together after college. He is really hurts but still loves me. He has said he wasn’t going to talk to me again but texted me back in a few hours or answered my texts. He didn’t text me back the whole day. I don’t know what to do. I love him so much and he does the same but he won’t date me until he gets over this. I also don’t know why he won’t respond to my messages. I sent him 4 texts in a row but I never asked if he was serious done with me or was just saying that. Should i ask him if he is really done? He is at school right now and we plan to hangout over summer but I want him to get over my mistake before he gets back. What should I do? I am so upset.

    Reply
  24. Dina - 0

    Dina

    hey,
    I and my ex boyfriend broke up almost year ago. but we daily talk as friends. i still have feelings. He usually do flirt with me. He always talk nicely and have fun. But suddenly in conversation he get cold. And yesterday he mentioned “You will never change, you will fight again”
    I need help to let him believe that i am not the older one.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dina,

      are you going to do the no contact rule? if yes, then do at least 30 days and then focus in changing

    • Dina - 0

      Dina

      Thank you so much for your response.
      he said me we have to understand each other. I did now we are in good terms. Just as friends. And he still flirts, calling me funny names, and fun with me. And he now keep sending me his pics daily. He ask about my pics too. I guess he send his pics to other girls too.
      he giving me hopes that we will live together and have life. Is this guy gonna committed to me ever?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well,..hmm..if he keeps getting what he wants without commitment, he wont..

    • Dina - 0

      Dina

      we are good since two days, last night I confessed my feelings to him. We planned marriage. and in morning he start giving excuses for not marry me.
      what kind of man he is?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think he’s confused..

  25. Amal - 0

    Amal

    Hey, I’m so glad I could finally reach out to someone for advice. Please help me out :'( I’m soo confused 🙁
    My bf and I were in a relationship for 5 yrs and we were about to get engaged when we broke up. It was a long distance relationship, it was perfect for 3 yrs, we just had the usual arguements, but after that we got admission to college and the distance became more. I became really agitated and used to bug him for attention all the time. He tried his level best, but I wanted to talk and he couldn’t do it much coz he was in the hostel.
    There was this other guy in my college who had a crush on me, so I became friends with him. I told my bf about him as well. He knew that we hung out together, but then he started asking me for space when he got tired of me being friends with another guy, and when I wanted to talk and he couldn’t do it. So, I took that to heart when he said, “I’m not sure if I want to be with u”. And so I left him.
    Later after 5 months he pleaded me to come back. I told him no. Then I went back after another 2 months and he said no, I’m talking to other random girls now. So it broke my heart and I became distant. So we had like 7 chats after that and the break up had been extended for 1.5 yr, then he wished me on my birthday like 6 months back. He wrote, “I wish we could have worked things out”. I obviously love him, and I’ve never moved on, neither has he, so I tried talking him again, and I’ve been texting him continuously for the past 6 months. He replies with sometimes no, then he says okay we can try, then he says I’m not sure, then back again to no. I even took a flight to his city and wanted to talk to him, but he said we’ll just look at each other from a distance and then u should leave. So I left again. How can I make him say a Yes ? He’s seems confused and scared despite my million text messages explaining him the things that he did wrong and what I did wrong.  And he said, “I forgive you, but I need time and the more you push me, the more I’ll revert back”. Please help me :'( I feel so horrible and broken :'(

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amal,

      I think you need a longer no contact period for a restart. And then after that, don’t ask right away to get back together, take it as a… restart. That means, you have moved on from the previous relationship. Forget about that and then when you start talking again, just be friendly at first. Don’t go like, can we be friends so we can start over? Just do it. Talk, have nice conversations through text and then calls and then later meet ups. Commonly we only recommend upto 45 days but you’ve already done months of nc before. So, I think you need to do 6 months or more and then just focus in improving yourself.

  26. Jenna - 0

    Jenna

    My boyfriend broke up with me three months ago because we’d been fighting alot and it was getting exhausting. He suggest counseling so we went to several sessions, but ultimately, at the end of December, he decided that he wanted to just be by himself and work on getting his shit together (saving money, getting a house, etc.) I said I understood (after all, I’ve had two months to cry and nag him already and I was waning out of that phase) and we parted amicably. He says that he still loves me and cares deeply for me and that because we ended on a good note, he would like to maintain contact as friends for now, and possibly get back together in the future. He still talks about a future with me such as “after I get my own place, and if we’re back together, you can move in with me…” We hung out several times since then and he always repeats this to me. However, he also tells me that we see each other too often (once a week) and that we should take more space apart. We also haven’t been sleeping together because he says that it will stir up too much emotion. My question is…if we’re trying to rekindle a relationship (not immediately of course), wouldn’t you want to spend time with the person? I haven’t pressured him to get back into a relationship with me at all in any instance. Am just not sure why he thinks we need more space apart if I’m only seeing him once a week and barely text or call him to begin with.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Jenna,

      even if it’s just once a week, he’s still assured that you’re not going anywhere. And he didn’t actually say you’re working on the relationship now, he said someday.

  27. Julia - 0

    Julia

    Okay well what do I do now? He obviously still loves me because he said that he does. We basically broke up because he thought I was too clingy but he never told me that I was doing anything wrong in the relationship or that he was unhappy so the break up felt like it came out of nowhere. It’s not like I cheated on him or something. There has to be some kind of hope I mean I know that I can change and be better but he just doesn’t believe me. What do I do? I’m hoping that when I text him after no contact I’ll get a positive response. The main issue was just lack of communication.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Because saying that you would change, is just trying to convince somebody without actually doing it. For someone to believe what you say, you have to do it instead of saying it. If you didn’t start doing that in the last 16 days, restart the count. Aim to be the ungettable girl. Check this link:
      The Ungettable Girl

  28. Sephorah Alouidor - 0

    Sephorah Alouidor

    My ex boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We were so in love but we fought a lot. I am a jealous person and it didn’t help in our relationship. One day, he told me he didn’t feel the same with me anymore. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He still loves me but it lowers. I told him I would wait for him if he needed space. But he told me he will be having fun with other girls. 2 days after, he told me that he didn’t me love anymore and That I have to move on. I am wondering if it’s true. I can’t believe that his feelings changed because he is the man of my life. I am feeling depressed because I love him so much and I want him back. He didn’t tell his friends that we broke up and I found it strange. I tried to do the NC rule but after 2 days, I couldn’t take it anymore. We used to talk everyday and we still do it. Currently, I have a lot of personal problems and he told me that he is there for me. He still texts me like we are friends but I just love him And I need him. I feel like I have to talk to him everyday. Do I have a chance of us being back together?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sephora

      if he lost attraction fell out of love with you, being needy will not help get him back…

  29. nanna - 0

    nanna

    i have been seeing this guy for 2 months, initially went we met, we talked about our pans and hoping to be perfect for each other for the future. Then we had sex and never stopped having sex, we stopped talking about other things except sex- i admit i wanted more sex. Then i begun falling for him. recently days after our sex, he started acting cold suddenly, he says he feels i’m only interested in sex and nothing more and that i’m usually cold whenever we are not having sex, so he called it quit. I have tried to talk him for another chance for everything with him but he says hes moved on and i should do same. I want him back, what can i do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nanna,

      if you want, try the no contact rule first

    • Taylor Gleason - 0

      Taylor Gleason

      I think you should try the no contact rule and start to move on. If he comes back then you know he actually has feelings for you. It sounds like he doesn’t have feelings.

  30. Julia - 0

    Julia

    What if my ex boyfriend said, “I’m sorry but I don’t think there will be a second chance.” What does that really mean? He texted me that and he also texted me that he still loves me but he knows he can’t be with me and when I asked why he said because I’m not the type of girl he wants……that hurt. When I asked what type of girl is it that he wants he texted back, “it’s not you.” By the way he broke up with me in a text message. He always answers my texts though and we broke up about 33 days ago and I’ve been in no contact for 16 days.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Julia,

      that means he fell out of love, he lost attraction and desire..

  31. Vanessa - 0

    Vanessa

    My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago after he started going to college. Two months later, he texted me saying he wanted me back. We even met up and talked and he kissed me. But then the day after that, he told me we shouldn’t get back together-his excuse was because he was afraid of what our families would think. A few weeks later, he said he was still in love with me and told me to tell him if I didn’t want him so that he wouldn’t always be chasing me. But then he stopped texting me first. He stopped admitting things. His friends had told me a few things that he’s told them about me that weren’t true, and one of them told me this morning that he said I tried to get with him when we met up. I confronted him in a text message saying to stop telling them lies about me because I’ve always been there for him. He asked what he allegedly told them. I told him what they told me he had said, and his replies were nasty. He denied everything, said “About the stuff I said, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. So whatever. Goodbye then.” and then he said he was done trying to be friends, said we are officially out of contact now, and then unfriended/unfollowed me on all social media. Why did he do this?? I was not obsessive or mean, and I couldn’t have been a bother since I hardly ever text him. Why was he so quick to drop me??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Vanessa,

      probably because he’s not really sure that he wanted you back..

  32. Heartbroken - 0

    Heartbroken

    My ex and I were together for 9 years and have two kids together
    It’s been rough on us all

    I have been diagnosed with cancer and I asked him to help me through it and he told me I have to get used to him not being in my life so he can’t help me
    He sends the most horrible messages and says I am an embarrassment to my kids

    I asked him to help me do my Hickman line on Christmas Day and he said no and to only contact him if it’s an EMERGANCY about our kids why is he hurting me this way ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Heartbroken,

      because he wants you to move on.. In his mind, you’re probably using your illness to get affection.. Which honestly for me, if he really doesn’t love you anymore, it’s better to not be caring and then give you false hope..but he doesn’t have to be rude..

  33. Anon - 0

    Anon

    So my boyfriend (Well ex now), we dated for just over 6 months, and we broke up 2 weeks ago because he needed a little space and time to get his life back together (He’s made a lot of bad choices recently and yeah thats all im gonna say). Well, we were still basically acting like a couple that whole time. I found out recently that he had tried (and failed) to get with one of his female friends during that weird half-relationship two-week period, and i, naturally, was completely enraged and said (on a post on facebook, i know, childish, i regret it wholly) something completely over the line and completely hurtful and unforgiveable. He told me that “I guess you have a chance as a friend, but I don’t think we can ever get back together”. Do you think there is a chance that i could ever get him back?

    Also If i were to tru the ungettable girl approach, how would i do that. I have him on facebook and snapchat and his phone number, and I can’t just delete his contact on either of those without him thinking i tried to block him or something like that, and i have a pet peeve that i cannot leave notifications unseen. How would i do this????

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      That habit can be changed, because it’s yourself, you can control yourself.. If you really want to change, take control.. check this:
      The Ungettable Girl

  34. Cathy - 0

    Cathy

    My fiancé has broke up with me 5 weeks ago . We have been together for 10 years and been engaged for 5 years (he proposed to me ) , we started to plan for the wedding since last year and everything was booked we supposed to be married next month on his birthday …. we went back to my home country in September and got married there witnessed by all my family and friends and we did wedding photo shoot and everything he seemed very happy and had no objection to any of it . But after we got back home he has act a bit wierd things like he constantly seems drifted away and he can’t sleep well at night he has became edgy than normal so I asked him one night if he is ok , then he said he is not happy and it went downhill from there , a week later he just moved out and told me he wants to break up with me . I have gone through all kinds of emotions and shared a lot with him by texting phoning or meeting up , he used to do whatever I want at he first few weeks after break up because he said he felt guilty but eventually he said he can’t help me anymore because talking to me make him feel depressed he can’t take my pain any longer he needs to protect himself emotionally …. so he has stopped talking to me . He also told me he feels happier after the break up 🙁 I am so desperate but I feel like there is no way he is coming back but I want him so badly I don’t know what to do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Cathy,

      you got married when you went home or was it just a photo shoot only? Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  35. R - 0

    R

    My boyfriend broke up with me 12 days ago on the phone, without a fight or discussion of any problems beforehand. He said it felt like something was missing and it wasn’t fair to either of us. Then after texting for the next 2 days, he said he might be making a huge mistake or we might be happier, but he didn’t know yet. He said he couldn’t tell me 100% that he would never want to get back together, but he needs to do this right now. He told me he couldn’t ask me to wait around for him to figure it out because that isn’t fair. I am giving him space and we have not spoken in 10 days. I’m just not sure what he meant where first something was missing and then it changed to “I might be making a huge mistake”, is he just saying this to cover his back? I’m even more confused now

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi R,

      it probably means the desire is lost.. and he might he get back because he knows he’s used to having you around and he’s not sure if it’s better to let this go now or to stick around longer

    • R - 0

      R

      Yes that makes sense. I am still doing no contact, and I have not heard from him. We were both pretty closed off from previous relationships, so I think that played a role in what was missing between us. He was into me for years before we officially dated, so I do think with my positive changes I have been making, I will be able to build that desire again. Thank you

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome!

  36. Jess - 0

    Jess

    Hi! So my ex and I got into a fight over some small thing, things got heated and he broke up with me after a year. Before I started reading these articles, I didn’t know what to do so I constantly begged for him back and he would just say “I’m sorry Jess I’m done with all the fighting” he also said he still loved me just not in the same way. He then said that we could be friends and I agreed, but then I decided I couldn’t do it anymore and so I blocked him on all social networks. He got really upset and so he blocked my number when I tried to reach him to apologize. We stopped talking for a week. The other day he messaged me telling me he hated me and how he wasted a year with me and he just now realizes how shitty of a person I am. He ranted about all my flaws. I told him I understood what he was going through and why he hated me, I agreed with everything he said and apologized for my faults. He said he cries in class everyday and gets depressed when he thinks of me because he gets angry that he wasted all that time on me. Is that true? Is he really crying just because he hates me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jess,

      Nah.. I think he just says that but the truth is he’s really hurting but because of ego or because he’s just not ready to admit it..

  37. Anon - 0

    Anon

    Hello,
    Me ex boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and a half before he broke up with me in October. We continued to talk as friends until I found out he had another girlfriend during the last 6 months of our relationship. Heartbroken as I was, I made the mistake of blowing up his phone angrily telling him off about the whole situation. After, I tried to implement the NC rule, but 3 days into it, he texted me and I didn’t respond. The next day, he called me saying he was over everything and wanted me out of his life. He said he still loves me but he didn’t miss me and doesn’t care about what I do. Again, I made another mistake and blew up his phone because I didn’t believe him. He said to never contact him again and to leave him alone. I just okay, I’ll give him what he wants and said take care. Did he really mean it? Should I startover NC? I’m confused about this whole thing because he had also said he didn’t know how he felt about the other girl. Please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      he probably did that as defense mechanism because he was busted cheating.. And he’s still trying to hook you in by saying he’s not sure about the other girl so that he can still keep you both..I think you should restart nc so that you can heal and think

  38. Yukiko - 0

    Yukiko

    Hi, Chris.

    Well, I have broke up with my ex for a month after a fight and I really wanna getting back with him. So I post a Facebook Status about missing him and say that my life is ok but it would be fine with him. He suddenly post a status said that He is very happy without me he don’t want me back in his life and he said that “I don’t welcome you in my life anymore. I forgive everything you have done to me.”

    I don’t know what he actually mean by then. Help me please

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Yukiko,

      How long were you together? How much did you improve in the past month? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

    • Yukiko - 0

      Yukiko

      Hi, Amor.

      We’ve been dating for 3 months. Well, in a month I have change many things such as hairstyle, hair color, my lifestyle, my point of view. And yeah, since I asked you I’ve tried NC RULE for 1 week and haven’t stalked him yet.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm.. It was short. Commonly, 21 days is recommended with that but with what happened regarding the post, I think you should do 30 days.

  39. Mimi - 0

    Mimi

    So me and my first love got together in august of 2010 and broke up in 2013.. I was his first love and he was my first love. He left me for another girl. Long story short it was drama with new gf like hacking in my fb and my yahoo account i think it was the new gf. Anyways he would try to talk to me.. But he stop talking to me because of they drama that was going on making it seem like it was me. So one min i was block on fb then the next i was unblock then blocked then again unblocked.. He would sneak and talk to me through email without his gf knowing but this was back in 2014/2015.. The last time our conversation was not that good was 2015 mind you he has a gf now. So i havent talked to him since whatever we had argued about. In september of this year he msg me on fb asking how i was doing etc and saying maybe one day we will meet again after that talk i continue to doing me. Just a couple of days ago he msg me talking he was thinking about me and seeing how i was doing and next thing i know he started pouring out his feeling to me about the good times we had talking about how he hope to see me soon and how im a special girl in his heart and he still cares about me and he dont want nothing to happen to me and how he still have the things i gave him a very long time ago and how his gf be driving him crazy etc and then talking about he want to take me out to catch up on stuff. It was more to this but i am not trying to make this too long.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mimi,

      if you want to get back with him, continue being you, improving yourself whike taking it slow with him.. Remember, he has a gf..you have to be careful not to be his girl on the side

  40. Anerev - 0

    Anerev

    My boyfriend got on my fb and saw a selfie that I posted and he said he was embarrassed of me. I was not showing skin i think he is just overreacting. So we argued and he said that he was moving out in 2 months. Today is the second day. I try getting close to him hug him n kiss him he doesnt push away but I just dont get a reaction from him. What does this mean?? Is he really done??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anerev,

      it’s hard to say.. Maybe he’s just pissed or being stubborn

  41. Lady - 0

    Lady

    Hi,

    I have enjoyed reading and getting helpful tips from the articles that have been posted. My situation is a bit different and for me it is complicated.

    I have been seeing this guy for almost a year now and in that span of time, i have really fallen head of heels in love with him. unfortunately, he doesn’t see it that way. Whenever we have an argument, he always tells me that he is not in it for love. he doesn’t want to have a relationship with me and tells me that we don’t have a future together.

    We stopped seeing each other for almost a month but ended up getting back together. I don’t know what our status because he doesn’t want to put a label on it.

    what confuses me is that he seems really sweet at times, and randomly showers me with presents and surprises. the thing is, when i confront him about us, he gets annoyed and reminds me that there is no us.

    I really need help in understanding him and making him see what my value is.

    Thank you.

    Reply
  42. stephanie - 0

    stephanie

    Hello, my ex and i were together since august 2015. we have had alot of ups and downs but over all i think we had a good time together. we cared alot for eachother or so I thought. in july 2016 we had desided to take a break were he dated someone else for a month and i had been talking to another guy. In August 2016 he came back to me saying he missed me and wanted to be with me. obviously i missed him and loved him aswell and desided to give us another try. in september 2016 we moved about an hour apart so we were seeing eachother less and he also started a new job that required him to work many hours so we were speaking less in this time i became very insecure and and unhappy and needy the only time i was not bitching or complaining was when we were together. eventually he grew fed up of the arguing everyday and i dont blame him for that,. he asked for space and he said that if we ever wanted to work we would need a huge break and basically start from zero. all was goin well i had desided to do 30 day no contact. i was on day 8 when i realised he blocked me on facebook. i panicked and texted him. asking why he did this he saidcuz i know you probably follow up with me any way u can and you texted me right after i did so i guess i was right. so i asked if he had met somone he said he had been on a date thats it if i really needed to know. he said his goal is to have a family so he wasnt going to give up looking for that just because it didnt work out with me.i said well you gave up on me pretty quick and he said he had been trying for our relationship for the last 6 months. then he said your a great person with barely and flaws and we should have done alot differently but i just want to move on these things happen. i said why. he said im just tired im moving on sorry its just what i want seriously there is no explanation u did nothing wrong its just what i want. does this mean i have no chance at all ? 🙁 ive been crying all day im devistated.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Stephanie,

      he is done with the previous relationship, and chasing doesn’t help with that. If you want, restart the no contact rule, do 45 days and just focus in improving yourself, moving on without totally moving on.

  43. Alexsa - 0

    Alexsa

    Me and my boyfriend broke up two weeks ago from today. We were an on and off again relationship but he was the one who would always come back but this time he said “I’ve tried I thought this was going to work but I was wrong alexsa I love you but I can’t contact you anymore permanently” he said mainly because since he thought about it for a while and his therapist said so that kind of gave him the push to do it. Then he blocked my number so I went to Facebook and begged like usually for three days and I was confused because normally he would block me instantly on Facebook but he didn’t he just read my messages but never replied until he said “I meant it as for good I’ve tried and nothing turns good I’m tired of it goodbye don’t blame yourself blame me because I know I do” and that was it so on sunday the 13 I unfriended him and (no contact rule begins) stopped trying to reach out to him but I noticed a week after we broke up he unblocked my number but I think it’s just to see if I messaged him I don’t know as of now if it’s still unblocked & recently today he was finally back on Facebook probably to see if I would attempt to write to him. He knows if I ever see an opportunity I would message instantly but I didn’t. I think he should get the hint I’m not trying because before when we had our other break ups I would make countless of accounts to reach out to him and this is the first time I didn’t. We were madly in love with each other but since there were a lot of personal stress whatever affected him it would affect me causing the blaming, arguments and etc so he ended it I don’t know what to do as of now I still love him very much and I know I do because I’ve been left and cheated on before but I never begged for them to stay but this one is special to me please help me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alexsa,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  44. Emily - 0

    Emily

    Hi to everyone on Ex Boyfriend Recovery,

    Firstly, thank you so much for creating this website, it is the only site I trust for opinions!
    Me and my ex-boyfriend were together for over 5 years (started when we were 17). We have been through so much in this time, he moved to london for uni so we were long distance, I moved to london the following year for uni and he supported me so much because I really didn’t like it at the start (he moved me into his places for a month and cooked me dinner every night etc), we had a misscarriage which brought us insanely close together, we have been on many amazing holidays – he still says these places are so special to him. We are best best best friends, just have a good laugh constantly and have the same interests. Everyone, including every member of his family, said they have never seen two people more meant for each other, Im doing a bad job of painting a picture of our relationship but it really has been an amazing few years. (his mum still messages me everyday, she says he doesn’t talk to her much the last year and has become distant from others swell).

    Anyway, we were long distance for a year, we both take our exams very seriously and normally we work together or have summer holidays afterwards to put more effort into our relationship. So around June we began to argue a bit (I do know it is less than other couples but still for us it was more than normal!). I have depression and it started to become worse. He had a dissertation to do and it was getting him so down, his friends were being idiots to him and it meant he started to have an eating disorder. He got beat up in a club for no reason and I think it has affected him more than he lets on. Obviously we were there for each other through this and I was the one who got him through his eating problems. However, us not being in a good mental state and being apart wasn’t a good mix. So he broke it off – i shamefully jumped on a train and he took me back. looking back, i would have taken some time apart then and sorted my head out. We still had some lovely times when we were lucky enough to see each other but never tackled the issues and didn’t see enough of each other. Everyone says, and we know, we are better when together and never argue and just have the best times.

    So 2 months ago now we ended. We have talked most days, i just found it weird doing no contact rule since it was not communicating and being apart that broke us. He has a really high pressure job and he said he wanted to really focus on that and not have arguments on his mind if he is trying to work- i personally think he got VERY scared that he was growing up (commitment phobia classic example) he constantly said oh god is this what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life, he is living with people who he was friends with when he was 18 so think he is trying to feel young. whats the thing you can control – not being in a long term relationship.

    We have met up a few times – he always compliments me, says i am so special to him and always will be, came to my birthday and all my friends said his face lit up when he saw me and was always asking where i was if i wasn’t around (also i was very very drunk so don’t remember but apparently i was talking to his friend about a kiss and he said to me don’t i get a kiss and i ran off dancing) they said he was trying to get me to talk to him all night but i was just having too much of a good time to sit talking. he was giving me lots of hugs when we met – afterwards i told him he couldn’t act like this if he wanted a friendship to work. the next time we met was awkward. But then we met on monday, it was AMAZING, my stomach hurt from laughing, we maintained eye contact (after i read one of your articles), he made me promise we would meet next week and gave me the tightest longest hug ever and said he always looks forward to our nights. he couldn’t look at me after and looked like he was going to cry. for the next few days he was messaging me constant – told me he has got me a xmas pressie, came to me about problems he was having, messaged me even when he was out with friends (had a few drinks), woke up in the night and messaged me about Trump. But then in the last few days has been distant – so i am leaving him too it. Oh and when we broke up he said he still wants us to go on holiday in summer.

    I should mention that I have taken this time to drastically improve my mental and physical health – seriously I’ve lost 2 stone and my head is so clear and I’ve learnt so much. for instance, i don’t get angry or jealous because what does that achieve and only hurts yourself, i make a journal, i realise the importance of doing things by yourself and having your own goals. I need him to know things have changed so if we were to try again, i have now sorted the issues that cause the break up, but how do i let him know without ruining it?

    I know he doesn’t want a relationship right now, and i know 10000000% there isn’t anyone else as he was shocked when he saw tinder pop up on my phone and said he was no way near ready to date (plus his job is so hectic he doesn’t have the time!) – as cringe as this is, he isn’t that sexual and wouldn’t have a one night stand.

    so the question is, do you think that even though he isn’t ready now, do you think i still have a chance for future? how do i increase the chance?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emily,

      If less time was the problem before,can you make more time now? Can you invite him more? Talk to him more before trying nc?

  45. Jasmine - 0

    Jasmine

    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago, we had a fight a week ago and I wanted him to know he had hurt me so I didn’t talk to him for a few days.
    When I did and decided to support him now that he s having a hard time… he thinks I have ‘mood swings’
    He told me that I was mentally insane… and that hurts but at the same time, he actually believes it I think.
    The ‘fight’ was about him not spending much time with me.. and understand why he cant, but I only asked him to let me know in advance when he couldn’t talk to me for a few days.
    He broke up with me before, but would always come back. This time he told me he wasn’t coming back.
    I tried to talk to him the day after our breakup , but he told me to stop annoying him so I texted him that I was sorry about every mean thing I had said that day and I stopped talking to him. the day after that, he texted me again tlling me I am mentally insane and have mood swings and that was why he told me to ‘fuck off’..
    I still love him and want him… do I have a chance?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jasmine,

      how many days does he go silent and how many times has he done this?

  46. Clarice - 0

    Clarice

    My ex who i dated for 2 yrs dumped me over text 2 weeks ago. He went completely silent after until i finally got him to text me yesterday. It was like talking to a stranger. He was very cold and mean. I asked him if we could talk when I pick up my things on Monday. He said about what? I said what went wrong or the fact you dumped me over text. He said “and?” He did agree that was shitty, but never said sorry or anything. I asked him if he loved me and he said not anymore. Which is funny, because the day this happened though we had a fight earlier that day, before I left hetold me how much he loved me(last spoken words to me) . I asked him ifthere was any hope of reconciling and he said he made up his mind…
    I think most ofwhat hesaid is out of anger and though im not 100% sure why hes so mad. Im going to back away and work on me. This has got to be one of the harshest breakups I have had. Even worse than ones where a guy cheated.
    This one came out of no where, things were otherwise fine. I think he bottled things uo over time and exploded.
    Do you think NC will work in this case?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Clarice,

      there’s no guarantee that it will work but if you want to try instead of moving on, it’s your only choice..

  47. Niki - 0

    Niki

    Omg, I totally printed 3 separate monthly calendars and began marking them from the first day we broke up and stopped speaking. I also joined a gym yesterday to look better and occupy my thoughts. I’ve was in an 18 year relationship that ended badly. I still love and will always remember the best parts of him but will truly not miss the arrogance and speculated cheating that plagued our relationship. He’s almost 10 years older than me and has very deep rooted tendencies that made me not like him at times. Since our breakup I initially received a text saying “how can you do this?” A second text saying “it’s really over?” and a third text with negative emojis expressing his anger at me. I finally got a phone call yesterday saying he was over it and wished me well. Too soon to gauge what the future holds but change is necessary.

    Reply
  48. Maya - 0

    Maya

    I had a big argument with my boyfriend of 2 years. I said many things which were disrespectful and rude. He asked me to stop messaging or calling him and go away from his life. He also told me to move on and allow him to move on as well. I realised my mistake and messaged him a couple of days later saying, “I know that I have been extremely rude and disrespectful and that I cannot take back the words I told him. Take care. Bye.” He replied saying “Bye” and nothing else. I even wanted to apologise for the same but fear his reaction as he has asked me not to contact him and go away from his life and asked to move on as well. I still love him a lot. Did he actually mean whatever he said?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maya,
      he’s probably just pissed.. are you going to try the no contact rule?

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