What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means

When I look at breakups as a whole there seems to be one common theme that is consistent no matter the situation.

They bring out the worst in people.

It’s really not that much of a stretch if you really think about it though.

For example, a break up can make someone do any of the following,

Cry…

Yell…

Hurt inside…

Be Depressed…

Beg…

Basically you can name any negative emotion known to man and a break up probably can make you feel it.

So, when you put any human being in a situation where they are feeling these emotions they are probably going to say and do things that they really don’t mean.

Or do they?

Well, that is what we are going to be exploring today.

Welcome to Ex Boyfriend Recovery. This little community was created by yours truly,

yours truly

To help women navigate their breakups and help them increase their chances of getting their ex boyfriends back.

Your still looking at the body builder picture huh?

I have a weird sense of humor so you’ll have to forgive me.

Though I do like to keep things light here at EBR (Ex Boyfriend Recovery) since I have always found that laughter is the best medicine for healing a broken heart and your heart might be a little broken right now.

So hey, I am more than happy to make a fool out of myself for your amusement if it turns that frown upside down.

But I digress…

The real reason you are here today is to figure out what your ex boyfriend means when he says something to you.

This Page Is The First Of It’s Kind

A few days ago a thought entered my head.

The thought?

Wouldn’t it be cool if there was something that served as a cheat sheet for women that would help them decipher what their ex meant when he said something.

For example, if an ex boyfriend said something like, “I fell out of love with you” wouldn’t it be cool if there was some sort of guide that a woman could reference to figure out what he really meant when he said that.

I mean, there are tons of things he could mean by that.

Let’s try another one.

I am sure you have heard the classic, “it’s not you, it’s me” line before?

its not you its me

Well, what does a man really mean when he says that to you?

So, like any curious person I went to Google to see if such a guide had been created and after searching around for 10 minutes (not a very long search i’ll admit) I couldn’t find anything.

That brings us to now.

I am going to create that type of a guide for you.

Seriously, ME, an actual guy is going to tell you what your ex boyfriend really means when he says things to you.

Pretty cool, huh?

Every breakup reason.

Every booty call.

EVERYTHING he says to you is finally going to be explained no holds barred.

Are you scared?

You should be.

No, I am just kidding.

Let’s move on and take a look at the topics I am going to be covering.

The Format Of This Page

format of the meme

This page is going to be formatted in a specific way.

First I am going to talk about the “what your ex boyfriend says” portion of the section and then I am going to go into the “what he really means” portion of the section and give an in-depth explanation of what your ex boyfriend really means when he says things to you.

What “things” am I going to be covering?

  • “I hate you”
  • “Never talk to me again.”
  • “It’s not you, it’s me.”
  • “I never really loved you.”
  • “We will never get back together.”

I saved the best for last 😉 .

If you think of any to add then feel free to leave a comment in the comments section of this article and I will revisit this page sometime down the road and update it with new things you ladies are probably wondering about.

Shall we begin?

We do have a lot of ground to cover.

Your Ex Says He Hates You

I hate you

(Jeez… Chill out Anakin.)

I want you to do me a favor for a second here.

(Really this is a favor for yourself)

Scroll back up to the top of this page and read the introduction section.

Do you remember what I said there?

I said that breakups tend to bring out the worst in people.

After all, there is a reason that they compare losing a job to going through a break up, it sucks.

So, when you place a man (who is more aggressive than a woman) in a situation where he is going to be hurt/upset then it isn’t shocking to hear the words, “I hate you,” come out of his mouth.

Take me for example, I am a pretty nice guy.

I always do my best to treat people with the utmost respect and I was raised to always respect women.

Open doors…

Pay for meals…

You know, all that good stuff.

Yet, when you take me back to my very first relationship way back when I was a kiddo in high school I am pretty sure that when the inevitable break up did happen (and high school breakups are often inevitable) I muttered the words, “I hate you,” to my ex.

But did I mean it?

Actually, you know what?

Take me out of the equation entirely.

Do men mean it when they say they hate you?

What Does He Mean When He Says “I Hate You?”

what does this mean

Lets tackle this question as logically as we can.

Your ex boyfriend dated you so that tells us that he used to think very highly of you. I mean, I don’t know too many men that go into dating someone thinking,

“I don’t like her.”

Throughout your time together he probably told you,

He loved you…

Cared for you…

That you were his “one and only…”

I think you get the idea with what I am going for here.

So, when you take this into account I am relatively certain that your ex boyfriend doesn’t truly hate you.

What he is really saying is that he hates what has happened to your relationship.

He hates the situation.

He hates the way it makes him feel.

He hates the pain.

And since you are associated with the pain he is feeling you are going to get blamed by association.

Hence the, “I hate you” mantra he has adopted.

Above I mentioned that I may have muttered the words, “I hate you” to the very first girlfriend I had way back in high school. Now, I know a high school relationship that happened close to ten years ago isn’t exactly going to bring earth shattering revelations but bear with me here as I try to make my point.

Do you think I meant it when I said it?

Of course not.

I hated the way I was feeling.

I hated having a failed relationship and all that depressing stuff I mentioned above (with the pain and all that.)

But I also knew that it would hurt my ex girlfriend if I said it to her and since I wasn’t exactly what you would call a seasoned veteran when it came to handling breakups yet I wasn’t above revenge.

This is horrible for me to admit but I was young so you have to realize the immature mentality I had.

I literally thought to myself,

“What can I say to my ex girlfriend to make her feel as horrible as I feel right now? Hmm.. I know, I will tell her that I hate her and I wish I had never met her. That will hurt her.”

That’s not a very mature way of handling things is it?

The important takeaway that I want you to take from this negative experience that I am sharing is that most men don’t mean it when they say they hate you. Instead they are just projecting on how they feel about the situation they are currently in.

Of course, some men will say it with the intentions of hurting you as well.

So, there are really two things that men are trying to say when they say they hate you.

  1. I hate you = I hate the situation
  2. I hate you = I hope this hurts you so you can feel how I feel

Lets move on to another ex boyfriend favorite,

“Never talk to me again.”

Your Ex Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

talk to me

There are really two situations that spring to mind when I hear from a woman who is wondering if her boyfriend really means it when he tells her to never contact him again.

  1. The couple got into a bad fight that culminated in the man saying “never talk to me again.”
  2.  The woman constantly bugs the guy and he gets so fed up that he tells her to never talk to him again.

In order to fully understand what an ex boyfriend really means when he says never talk to me again we must first understand exactly what these situations look like.

Situation 1- A Bad Fight Results In The Man Telling The Woman To Never Talk To Him Again

Lets do our first role play!

Lets pretend that I am your boyfriend and the two of us got into a massive fight over your cat.

Fun Fact: I am definitely not a cat person (I’m allergic) so I can definitely see myself getting into a fight with someone over a cat.

So, we go back and forth over your cat and the fight starts to evolve as bad fights usually do. What started out as a “friendly” sparring session over you cat turns ugly when we drag all kinds of unrelated things into the fight.

My parents… (HOW DARE YOU)

Your parents…

My gigantic muscles… (seen above)

How the house never gets cleaned…

How I never take out the trash.

(You get the idea)

The fight gets so bad that we break up over it.

A few days pass after the break up and you attempt to reach out to me.

“Hey..”

What is my response?

“I thought I told you to never talk to me again.”

What the heck do I mean by that?

Well, I will tell you in a second but first lets tackle the second situation I see a lot of when it comes to men saying, “never talk to me again,” to their ex girlfriends.

Situation 2- You Annoy Your Ex So Much After The Breakup That He Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

Lets stick with the cat example above since we had so much fun with that.

So, the two of us used to date and we broke up due to a horrible fight over your cat.

cat

After the breakup you realize that you made a horrible mistake and you want me back.

(It’s about time you came to your senses.)

Well, your strategy for getting me back involves messaging me about 30 times a day and calling me about 10.

Obviously I like the attention at first but then it gets to be a little too much and I begin to resent you for it.

Eventually your efforts get so out of hand that I can’t stand to hear from you anymore.

It is only when I am pushed to this point that I lay down the law.

“Don’t talk to me anymore.”

What It Means When An Ex Boyfriend Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

what does that even mean

Obviously since I divided this particular topic up into two different situations,

  1. The couple got into a bad fight that culminated in the man saying “never talk to me again.”
  2.  The woman constantly bugs the guy and he gets so fed up that he tells her to never talk to him again.

There are two completely different meanings behind an ex saying “never talk to me again.”

Just like above I am going to divide this section up into two categories,

  1. What it means when an ex says “never talk to me again” in situation 1
  2. What it means when an ex says “never talk to me again” in situation 2

Lets start off on a good note first and talk about category number one!

What It Means When Your Ex Boyfriend Says “Never Talk To Me Again” In Situation 1

For those of you who have horrible memories situation 1 is a situation in which you and your ex boyfriend get into a massive fight and the fight is culminated with our five favorite words,

“Don’t talk to me again.”

The thing that you really have to keep in mind here is the fact that your ex is saying this from a highly emotional state.

Breakups have this funny ability to make even the nicest of people turn into angry lunatics.

(Seriously, I have seen it firsthand.)

So, if you got caught in the crossfire of a heated breakup and your boyfriend said this to you then don’t take it personally.

I am sure if he was honest with himself he really doesn’t mean it.

Besides, I can probably give you hundreds of examples where an ex boyfriend said this to an ex girlfriend and then HE ends up being the one that gets in contact with her.

Now, if you are wondering what is going on in his mind to make him say this in the heat of the moment then look no further than the curious case of emotional states.

I don’t care how “well behaved” a man is.

If you push a man hard enough you can always get him to say things he doesn’t mean.

We are dealing with a real life human being here and human beings are imperfect. They are going to say things they don’t mean from time to time. This is especially true if you get into a bad fight with one.

What it all boils down to is the emotional state that your ex boyfriend was in when he said “never talk to me again.”

Since we are looking specifically at him AFTER a fight you can bet good money on the fact that he was in a very negative emotional state and as a result he is going to say things that aren’t very logical.

In other words, he doesn’t mean it when he says “never talk to me again.”

But what about the other situation?

Good question!

What It Means When An Ex Says “Never Talk To Me Again” In Situation 2

Situation 2 is vastly different than situation 1.

It looks specifically at a scenario where you (the ex girlfriend) goes a little crazy and contacts him too much.

How does that look?

Here’s a good example,

crazy annoying

Notice how this girl, Cordelia, is sending waaaayyyyy too many messages to her ex boyfriend.

(Cordelia is a Buffy reference by the way 😉 .)

Though that’s not all that Cordelia is doing.

In addition to sending a bunch of unanswered texts she is also calling her ex boyfriend up.

Of course, holding true to his form he ignores the calls.

missed call

In fact, Cordelia is acting is being so annoying to him that he sends her what she considers to be the kiss of death,

dont talk to me again

There it is…

“Don’t talk to me again.”

But do you think her ex boyfriend means it?

Yes he does…

BUT ONLY IN EXTREME CASES.

I am going to tell you the story of a girl that I went out on a date with a long time ago.

Now, I did not have a relationship with this girl but the same principle is going to apply.

The two of us went out on one date and after some thinking on my part I decided to inform her in a subtle way that I was not interested in her. Now, I didn’t want to completely cut her out of my life. I was willing to remain friends with her and I explained this to her.

She did not take too kindly to this.

Instead of just remaining friends she treated me like I was some sort of boyfriend that scorned her.

She turned into a “Cordelia.”

Now, I am the kind of person that absolutely hates confrontation so I didn’t want to have to start a fight with her but I knew I was going to have to lay down the law when I got a similar text message to this one day,

crazy text

Just to put this in perspective this wasn’t the first time something like this happened with this particular girl.

It was just the latest (and it was by far the worst.)

It was at this point that my “friendly” nature ceased to exist and Reid (as my wife likes to call him) came out.

Reid is my middle name in case you were wondering.

My wife likes to tease me that any time I get “moody” or “angry” that it’s really Reid and not me.

Well, Reid came out in spades.

reid

This was my way of saying “never talk to me again” and I meant it.

In fact, I went so far that I blocked her number from my phone forever.

So, if you ever needed motivation to stop contacting your ex after the breakup this is it.

Let’s move on.

It’s Not You, It’s Me

invented

Ah, the good ole, “it’s not you, it’s me” line.

I can’t hep it but every time I hear this I always immediately think of George from Seinfield.

(I attached a gif image at the beginning of this article depicting Georgie’s thoughts on this 😉 .)

Anyways, I just had to throw that in.

The thing I would like to turn your attention to when explaining this is that the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” can take many forms.

Too many women think that those exact five words have to be muttered to them for them to be eligible victims and that’s just not true.

The “it’s not you, it’s me” line has many variations.

For example, lets say that the two of us were dating and one day I call you up and say,

“Hey, I had a really good time with you but I’m not feeling this anymore… It’s nothing you did but I think we just need to go our separate ways.”

Believe it or not but the phrase that I just muttered to you over the breakup phone call is a longer variation of the “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Seriously, really take a look at the phrase.

“Hey, I had a really good time with you but I’m not feeling this anymoreIt’s nothing you did but I think we just need to go our separate ways.”

You will noticed that I bolded two parts.

Let’s dissect them.

“I’m not feeling this anymore”

By an ex saying this to you he is making you aware that he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore. That much is common sense. What you may not realize though is that by him saying “I’m not feeling this anymore” he is satisfying the “it’s me” part of the “it’s not you, it’s me” phrase we are dissecting in this section.

Lets move on the second part.

“It’s nothing you did”

Not too hard to dissect this one.

Your ex is basically telling you that you didn’t do anything to make him leave.

He’s informing you that you are innocent in this.

“It’s not you..”

Do you see what happened here?

I am waiting for a million light bulbs to go off…

The entire phrase above basically flip flopped the “it’s not you, it’s me” parts into “it’s me, it’s not you.”

It’s just harder to see since it is disguised cleverly around a lot of words but if you look hard enough (the bold parts) you will see it.

Lets move on to the fun part and dissect what your ex boyfriend really means if he gives you the Seinfeld excuse.

What He Means When He Says “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

Your ex boyfriend is a liar and I am going to prove why.

Let’s do a fun little exercise.

You know your boyfriend pretty well, right?

Which celebrity does he have a small crush on?

(Since I can’t hear your answers I am just going to have to make up one for you.)

Lets say that your boyfriend has a massive crush on Megan Fox (since she seems to be everyone’s definition of “hot” right now.)

Megan Fox Wallpapers

Alright, so lets say that your ex boyfriend is dating the woman of his dreams, Megan Fox.

Realistically can you picture him telling Megan Fox, “it’s not you, it’s me?”

I can’t…

Heck, I can’t even picture him breaking up with her.

Look, any many who gives you this sch-peel of “it’s not you, it’s me” is lying to you.

What he is really trying to tell you is that “it’s you, it’s not me.”

Men don’t leave women who they think are worth it. They leave the women they think aren’t worth it. They leave the women that they think they can do better than.

Picture a scale of 1-10.

1-10

Let’s say that when your ex boyfriend first started dating you he determined that you were an 8 on the scale,

1-10

As your relationship goes on he lowers your value to a 6

1-10 copy

Well, in his mind he is going to think “I can do better than her” at this point and that is where to start to see the “it’s not you’s, it’s me” come into play.

The truth is that in his mind it is you.

“It’s not me, it’s you” = “It’s you, it’s not me”

I Never Really Loved You…

never

OUCH!

If your ex boyfriend mutters these words to you then I imagine it must sting pretty badly.

I mean, saying “I love you” to someone and meaning it in that deep personal way is a big deal. So, to hear that your ex boyfriend could potentially be throwing all of that out the window is especially painful.

To be honest I am not sure that this one requires too much of a buildup.

Your ex boyfriend says “I never really loved you” to you…

There, build up done!

Lets move…

Actually, you know what?

I just thought of something.

Let’s generalize this.

If you really think about it an ex boyfriend who says that he never really loved you is probably doing so during a highly emotional moment. So, when I start explaining what he really means when he says this to you I want to operate under the assumption that he is in a highly emotional situation.

What constitutes as a high emotional situation?

  • A breakup
  • A fight
  • Anything like these situations (I couldn’t think of anymore :p )

Ok, lets move on and dissect this one.

What It Means If He Told You That He Never Really Loved You

does it mean

This situation is very similar to situation number 1 when a boyfriend tells you to never talk to him again.

If you recall, in that situation an ex doesn’t really mean it. He is just reacting to the situation he is in (which is highly emotional.)

Well, this situation is very similar to that except there is a small twist.

In my opinion, if an ex boyfriend tells you that he never really loved you he is just doing so to hurt your feelings and doesn’t really mean it at all.

Lets look at things from his perspective for a moment.

He is going through a breakup.

The two of you are probably fighting a lot.

He isn’t as good at handling his emotions as you are.

(In case you missed it I have talked multiple times at how men are more physical and woman are more emotional and this helps women handle their emotions better than men.)

Oh, and if you were the one that broke up with your ex boyfriend then it adds that extra little cherry on top.

From your ex boyfriends perspective you are the villain and what do men generally do when they come across a villain?

They try to hurt them and knock them down a peg.

So, what is the best way of accomplishing this?

Saying something super hurtful to you.

I never really loved you” seems to do quite nicely in this circumstance, huh?

Thousands of women come to this site every single day and every single day they freak out over stuff like this. The truth of the matter is that I don’t even take it that seriously. I just look at it as an ex boyfriend trying to say something hurtful.

Deep down he doesn’t really mean it.

“I never really loved you” = What can I say to hurt her the most?

We Will Never Get Back Together

getting back together

I saved the best for last.

This is probably the whole reason you wanted to read this article anyways, right?

Heck, I wouldn’t even be shocked if you just scrolled straight down to this section and skipped all the others.

I will say one thing.

Without a doubt this is one of the top questions that I get asked on a daily basis.

Usually it goes a little something like this,

“Chris, my boyfriend told me that we have no chance of getting back together with him, ZERO. Do you think he’s right? Is it over for me?”

This is a question I can’t wait to tackle in-depth.

So, rather than spend 500 words setting this up I am just going to get right down to the meat of this.

What He Really Means When He Says You Two Will Never Get Back Together

text mean

Lets take a big view of exes in general.

More specifically, the industry I am currently a part of.

What if I were to tell you that this is a million dollar industry?

What if I were to tell you that your beloved Ex Boyfriend Recovery site is still a small fish in a big pond?

Would you believe me?

Well, it’s true.

There are hundreds of so called experts out there that are trying to capitalize on your dollars.

Now, that may be a scary thing for you to hear since the last thing you want is to be taken advantage of.

Oh, by the way you should check out my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO 😉 .

No, I am just kidding.

The point I am trying to get at here is that the only reason that this industry is considered “thriving” is because couples do get back together. Heck, couples say the meanest possible things to each other and still get back together.

“I hate you…”

(Back together in a week!)

“Burn in he**”

(Back together in a day!)

“We are never getting back together again”

(Back together in 3 months!)

If your ex boyfriend says that the two of you will never get back together again then I wouldn’t take it to heart because I have seen too much flip flopping in my time to buy into it completely.

Now, lets not completely discredit all men.

There are some that really do mean it when they say we are never getting back together again.

However, in my opinion I think them saying it is really a function of what was done to them in the relationship.

The Importance Of Percentages

I like assigning percentage values to situations based on how high the chances of success are for a reconnection.

This percentage number is assigned based on my personal knowledge and experience seeing a lifetime worth of breakups.

For example, a general breakup would have a 30% chance of a reconnection. What I try to do is help women move that number up substantially.

So, maybe a general breakup percentage starts at 30% but after using my strategies it gets bumped up to 50%.

Of course, not all breakups are created equal.

Some percentage values are much lower than the 30% mark.

For example, if you take two of the hardest situations,

  • Cheating
  • He Gets A New Girlfriend

Instead of those situations starting at the general 30% mark they would start at the 10 – 20% marks respectively.

Obviously these situations are harder to succeed in.

It is in these situations that an ex boyfriend would be more likely to mean it if he said, “we are never getting back together.”

Get it?

No?

Ok, let me dig a little deeper for you.

Lets say that the two of us were dating and you cheated on me with my best friend…

Actually, lets make things worse and say that I walked in on you and him in bed together.

Ok, not only would that scar/mess me up for life but if I would say, “we are never getting back together,” to you then I would mean it.

It’s these extreme situations that have a low percentage of success that you have to watch out for. Those are the types of situations where an ex boyfriend could mean it if he says that he never wants to get back with you.

Here’s a quick rundown of the situations where he could say “we are never getting back together” and mean it.

  • He cheated on you
  • You cheated on him
  • He gets a new girlfriend

Now, before I finish this article up finally I want to make sure that you fully grasp what I am telling you here.

It is only in the most extreme situations where he might really mean what he is saying.

So, what it all boils down to is a function of how severe the damage during the relationship was to him.

We Are Never Getting Back Together = If you hurt me too much during the relationship I could mean this

Of course, I have also helped women get back with their exes in all the situation above so technically nothing is set in stone…

Just saying.

WHY HE SAID I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN

hurt you

What the HECK?!?!

This is the most mind boggling statement he could make, right?

I’m going to give you the secret as to why he said this! Ready?

He’s just trying to come off as the good guy here. It’s really that simple.

By saying,

“I don’t want to hurt you again”

He is making himself sound like the hero. He’s trying to sound like he’s protecting you but in reality he’s only being selfish.

What a hero, right?

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN?

hurt you

It sounds like some kind of BS line to me. Let’s face it, if he really didn’t want to hurt you again, the solution is simple…

He shouldn’t do anything stupid. 🙂

There are a million different ways that he could hurt you. Let’s take a moment to dissect some of them.

The first one that comes to mind is Cheating.

Well, absolutely that would hurt you, but could he prevent this?

Yes, he most certainly can.

So, the,

“I don’t want to hurt you again” statement doesn’t really hold up here.

What about if he was emotionally abusive?

He could go to therapy and get help. There are many things he could do to try to preserve your relationship instead of backing out and giving you the excuse of,

“I don’t want to hurt you again.”

But in this case I personally believe you should be the one breaking up with him anyway.

He could be afraid of commitment so as the relationship gets closer he is backing away.

You are looking for a life with him.

Marriage, children the whole nine yards but if he’s not ready to commit to you then he may use the line “I don’t want to hurt you again” especially if he’s expressed his feelings on the subject already.

We could go on and on all day about ways he could hurt you but when it comes down to it it’s a way for him to remove himself from the relationship and look like the good guy. Some guys really are that concerned with their image.

How do I know?

Well, I am a guy and I have actually seen this done first hand to a girl before.

YAY STORY TIME!

My best friend in college was what I would classify as a total ladies man. What do I mean by that?

Simple, this guy knew how to get a woman eating out of the palm of his hand. Now, I remember the first time I watched him work his voodoo on a girl I was impressed but after a while it became clear that the girl he worked “said voodoo on” was way more attached to him than he was to her.

Thus, a breakup was inevitable.

But my buddy was so obsessed with being perceived as the “good guy” that he decided to use the,

“I just know that if we keep dating I am going to hurt you and I don’t want that for you”

Line.

Tsk.. Tsk… Tsk….

All so he could protect his good guy image.

WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS

best friends

I want you to take a moment and imagine something for me.

You are living the perfect life. You have a great family, a great job, great friends and a great boyfriend. But one day you notice your boyfriend has a very sad look on his face.

You’ve seen this look before.

It’s the look of a man who is about to deliver some bad news to you.

That’s when he does it.

He breaks up with you.

But he can’t help just adding in this one line…

“We can still be friends.”

You’ve been intimate on every level, emotionally and physically and he wants to be friends!?!?

At that moment it feels like he is trying to stay in your life and that’s good, right? WRONG!

What’s really going on in his head?

Why would he say that?

Does he actually mean it or is he just saying it?

Perhaps he wants to stay friends to have the possibility of getting back together in the future?

These are all questions you are probably found yourself asking.

I am going to give you the low down on all of these unanswered questions and really bring you into the mind of a male.

Are you ready?

It can be a scary place… but the good news is I am going to walk you through it and give you guidance on what to do if he says he just wants to be friends.

WHAT DOES HE MEAN WHEN HE SAYS WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS?

cop out

This is the easiest way for your ex to break up with you. He doesn’t have to hurt your feelings in his mind because he still wants to be friends. It also secures a backup girlfriend in case his “post you” dating escapades don’t work out.

Think of it this way, he’s got you on the sidelines waiting around for him while he does whatever he wants. He may even try a friends with benefits situation down the line.

Take a look at this graphic.

graphic

Through this graphic I am showing you what’s going on in his head.

Your lost in a sea of women.

Just another number.

But there are two ways to break this trick he’s pulling…

The best thing you can do in this situation is to say,

“Sure we can be friends” and then start your no contact.

The second thing is becoming an ungetttable girl. You can read more about becoming an ungettable girl here.

But I will give you a brief description of how to do both here. First off, you will have to go completely ghost on him. Do not answer his texts if he texts you. Don’t answer his calls. Don’t “accidentally” call him. 😉 (I see this happen daily) This is probably the most difficult thing that you are going to have to go through.

Your brain is hardwired to talk to him but like I said above, you can’t. So, I am going to teach you a trick that I don’t think I have ever talked about on Ex Boyfriend Recovery before.

I want you to write down his number on a piece of paper twice.

Put one in your dresser and one in a small lock box.

Now, go out and buy a calendar. It’s important that this calendar is something that you love to look at everyday. There are so many different ones out there, Island paradise calendars, pictures of Europe calendars, puppies, kittens, babies, hot air balloons etc.

Pick one that will make you feel good every time you look at it.

Put your calendar up in plain view where you will see it daily and circle the date that your no contact period is up.

Are you with me so far?

Yes?

No?

Maybe?

So?

Ok, here comes the hard part.

I want you to delete his number!

That’s right, completely delete it from your phone. This way you will not have any temptations or “accidents.” You will still have his number in two different spots so you won’t have to worry about never getting it back again.

Oh and one more thing with regards to no contact.

Do not block him.

I repeat do not block him on anything. That will only make your life way harder. Just don’t answer any texts or calls that are from unknown numbers.

Got it?

Good!

Let’s move on and talk about the ungettable girl.

I want you to take out that same calendar and mark a weekly goal. I want you to put something on there daily and do it.

For example, if you want to look your best maybe you would put:

March 1st- Hair coloring appointment.
March 2nd- Start Gym Membership. (Or specific workouts at home.)
March 3rd- Go to a makeup demo.
March 4th- Paint nails.
March 5th- Join a co-ed indoor soccer team.

You get the point.

Not only will this distract you and give you something to focus on other than your ex, it will give you confidence. You will look and feel your best!

The other part to being an ungettable girl is to become the girl that every man wants.

Even if you technically aren’t there are specific ways to portray this persona.

For example, when you finally go on that first date with your ex boyfriend walk in front of him since women typically walk in front of men on dates and look at a guy (who is not your ex.) The idea here is to make it look like this other guy is checking you out.

Let’s role play this for a second.

Lets say that I am a woman.

Let’s call me….

CHRISTINA SEITER!

christina

Isn’t that a pretty woman?

I certainly think so haha!

Anyways, lets pretend that I am on a date with my ex and I want to try this method out. I am walking into a restaurant and since my ex is a gentlemen he holds the door open for me. As I am walking in I notice that there is a man walking towards me. Well, I would look at him out of the corner of my eye.

Now, the important thing to understand here is that it’s obvious to this other man that I am looking at him. And what do people do when they are looked at?

THEY LOOK BACK.

But here is the most genius part.

My ex is behind me the entire time. So, even though I am technically the one who made the guy look at me, to my ex it looks like this guy is checking me out. Oh, and since I am such a good looking girl the guy “checking me out” smiles and nods.

Extra bonus points! 🙂

But lets get out of this fantasy world where I am a woman and come back to the real world where I am teaching you to become the ungettable girl.

Another interesting aspect of the UG is that they are always busy. You want to be independent. If you’ve been with your ex for a long time the chances are pretty high that you are depending on him too much. Whether it’s for emotional stability or happiness you will have to show him that you can be happy on your own. It’s nice to feel wanted and needed and he will miss that feeling after a while.

Overall, this situation is actually wonderful for a breakup because he’s thinking your going to be friends with him but little does he know he is getting the cold shoulder for a few weeks so he can reassess his decision and during this time your becoming a version of yourself that he have never met before.

Such is the path of the ungettable girl.

I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

dont like you

So this is one of my favorite lines. “I never liked you anyway.”

You should be thinking,

“Come on, we’ve dated for 6 months, a year, two years and yet you threw away all of your precious time to a person you never even liked. HAHA”

It’s almost comical when a guy says this to his ex but it happens everyday.

It’s a very similar situation to the “I never loved you” comment that I’ve mentioned before. They are similar comments but ironically have completely different meanings. I think it’s safe to say that if your ex has told you that he never loved you the cut from that would be very deep. That is such a hurtful thing to say. Saying I never liked you definitely hurts but it’s a poor man’s “I never loved you.”

That’s the truth.

WHY YOUR EX SAID I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

dont like you

Take my friend “Bob” for example,

(By the way Bob is a fake name for a friend.)

His girlfriend and him were dating for 2 years and they got into a heated argument and he brings out the world famous line,

“Well, I never even liked you.”

You see, Bob and his ex were fighting over money which is one of the top reasons couples fight.

He had the gall to say, “I can’t believe you bought that $150 dress”

(This coming from a man who bought 3 video games that ended up costing the same as the dress.)

Guess what happened next?

Yup, you got it!

Bob’s ex went bat shit crazy and started throwing his games around while yelling and crying. Ultimately this was the last fight of their relationship. She walked out completely.

A few days passed and she started thinking to herself,

“Man, I think I made a mistake.”

So, she decided to call him again in an attempt to patch things up. But Bob, being the genius he is, decides to bring up the whole video game debacle again and the two of them started arguing again!

That’s when he said it…

“Well, I never even liked you anyways…”

Her heart dropped to the floor. She kept thinking,

“He can’t really mean that, right?”

So, why did Bob say it?

I remember asking him,

“Why did you say that to her?”

This was his response:

“I am just so sick of fighting with her. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Apparently Bob thought that this would be the easiest way to stop the fight and to get rid of her (for the time being.)

I WISH I NEVER MET YOU

never met you meme

Coming from a guy that probably said,

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me”

and

“I’m so glad I met you”

Throughout your relationship.

It probably threw you off completely hearing him say I wish I never met you.

So, lets take a moment and dissect what’s really going on in his head.

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS I WISH I NEVER MET YOU

The truth is that it could mean several different things. The first thing that comes to mind is one of my favorite quotes from Good Will Hunting.

“Most days I wish I never met you because then I could sleep at night and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge there was someone like you out there.”

Something tells me your ex didn’t say it in this way, otherwise you probably wouldn’t be on this site.

But the light at the end of the tunnel is that what he really meant when he says he wishes he never met you is that he is very hurt by you. You’ve brought out such strong feelings that he cannot deal with. It’s actually not the worst thing when a guy reacts emotionally like this because it means that he has feelings towards you. Even if they are negative feelings, he still has passion when it comes to you.

If he was nonchalant and aloof then you should worry a little more.

Oftentimes men don’t know how to express themselves as well as women do and so they resort to the easiest thing that comes to mind.

It’s pretty childish really.

They say things they don’t mean and a lot of times they end up regretting it. It never feels good to fight. In the moment it relieves some stress but later people often feel bad about it.

I’d be willing to bet your ex will regret or at least feel bad about things he says to you in the heat of the moment at some point.
Even when he says things like “I wish I never met you.”

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

652 responses to “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

  1. Jane says:

    Ex and I were togheher for 4 years and lived together. Both in it 30s.
    His family always tried to come between us and I tried a lot of times to sort it as it upset him and was causing rows between us.
    I had a lot going on, two deaths close to me and PTSD. In my grief at Easter I said he wasn’t enough and told him to leave. I meant his behaviour as he was arguing with me over his family again (but they were always leaving me out) and that week is burried my friend. My head was a mess. I’ve apologised since and he said he’s not asked for an apology but accepts it.
    He’s not long started his dream career and has some failings because of the break up. He blamed one failing on me, the second he called me help, but now blames me. Says his head was full of us when he needed to learn new stuff.
    This is the guy who said I meant more than others and him to me as well. Both being through a lot of good times and hard times and always made it through. Even his friend said he was happiest with me out of all the girls hes been with. But this family thing was causing us boh stress and they weren’t willing to give in, nor him stand up to them.
    April and May he was so nasty and pulled out of the house when I was away at work.
    June he then totally breaks down and saying he missed me, missed us and we’d been through too much to drift apart. Said he wanted to sit down sort it out over time as well as him doing his career. But it was too much for us to loose.
    One weekends he spoke to his mum, all of sudden he feels better and said let’s be friends for now I have to put stuff right at work. I was shocked I didn’t know how it had all changed again bar his mum. He said that’s how it has to be for now I have to put things right at work it’s my dream career and I’m failing my training.
    I was very upsetting and said alsorts plus my friends were feeding me stuff. He said I don’t know if it’s a break or final because I don’t know how you feel, be yourself not what your friends want you to be.
    I admit I said a few harsh things after what I was fed then he blocked me down to email. He said it was his way of dealing with it because he needed to concertante on his career and didn’t need his head filled with it.
    Then come July and he turned up at my house, seeed cold but wanted to meet for a drink in two weeks time. But then we had a row and it was very bad. But I was so confused and anxious. He knows I’ve suffered a lot of grief with my losses.
    Weekend after he saw me, hi sorry parents went down to see him and his group passed out but obviously he was still there because of his failings.
    All of sudden a workmate of mine spotted he’d just rejoined a dating website looking for s relationship, when only the weekend before he said he wanted to get to know me again and trust me again but didn’t want to be with anyone right now because of work and see what end of September brought for us.
    He said he went online dating to pass time, see if he was enough for anyone and just to see if anyone saw him to see if he was being followed.
    We only have contact via email, he said he’s said all he needs to say over email and doesn’t need to see me as he said he won’t trust I won’t cause a scene. Says he come so far and won’t fail his course now.
    He now says he’s happier, he works during the week, see his friends and family at weekends and does what he wants when he wants and it will only change when he decides 🙁
    I feel totally lost. I’ve got no closure. He still emails. But him cutting off and blocking me out is not like him at all and I feel his family are a drive behind it (they are v close to one another and his sister hates me because she was jealous of us). He says he can’t take me being so up and down and wants to carry on as he was. But we were so close, meant more than others, didn’t even give me a chance to prove myself after my grief counciling or anything her I listened to him in June when he broke down. We meant more than others and planned a future together and it’s a big thing at our age.
    I am struggling alot, I can’t sleep properly, eat properly he was my best friend and partner. For him to be how he is now when usually he’s a very emotional guy always a talker is unreal. I know his career is important but still and he just blames me for everything 🙁

  2. Natasha says:

    The guy in question is my boyfriend. We love each other and he has already started talking to me about marriage and kids etc. He had been chasing me for a few years and hence appreciates having me. He always says things like “I will never ever forget you, no matter what happens” and “You’re special” and so on. I know he has REAL feelings for me. However, two nights ago I started a fight with him (on the phone) about not seeing me for a week. The night before the fight I also ignored his messages and phone calls and during the fight I told him “I don’t think about you, I actually forget about you UNTIL you call.”, to which he said “There’s no loving you. You have no heart. I don’t love you”. Then I said “I don’t love you”. It was clear that he didn’t mean it and neither did I. He hung up the phone saying “I can’t talk to you right now. Call me when you want to talk”. Normally, after a fight he always is the first to contact me after a few days saying “I missed you. My life is not the same without you” EVEN if it’s my fault. I know it has only been two days, but what is the best thing for me to do? Ignore him until he calls me? Or call him and look needy and is COMPLETELY out of character for me and he knows it too. Help?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Natasha,

      Cool down for however long you need and communicate with him..better if you get couples counseling too..

  3. Haley says:

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. It took a long way for us to be where we are and right before the break up he was talking about marrying me. We broke up because he was very stressed out and things weren’t working out as well. I started the no contact at the end of July and on august 17 he sent me a long text saying he did miss me and was so stressed out and depressed. We talked and hung out the whole weekend and then things didn’t go so well after I accidentally broke his car key. He told me “it’s not that I don’t want to be with you it’s that we both need time” the. I asked do you not want to be with me ever again? He said for the short time being. I’m sure because of stress and being upset. Yesterday I went to give him the money for his new key and everything was fine until he blew up on me… he went into rage saying hurtful things like we won’t ever be together again… I am very hurt because I don’t understand where this all came from and why he is so angry with me? He blocked me on instagram again but not his phone. He had me blocked on his ig before then unblocked me and would watch my stories I posted. I know that I am going into no contact but I am afraid that he means it .. I would do anything to fix things and I just need help. I love him so much and I feel he is upset . I just want to know what I can do to make things right besides no contact. I have ex bf pro also. Please help.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Haley,
      He said it out of emotion.
      So, don’t ovethink..

    • Haley says:

      Thank you Amor! After reading article after article I do agree with you! The no contact is hard but it is teaching me patience. I am confident in myself that things will be ok. I’m working towards being the ungettable girl! I want him to see the best version of myself and think “wow I really was wrong about her” I’ve already lost 20 pounds and I feel great thanks to this website and all of your support so thank you so very much!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You’re welcome! That’s very good!

  4. emy says:

    I’ve been together with my ex bf almost 7 years. he cheated on me & found another girl & I think he is going to have their engagement soon. There are so many reasons why he said we both should broke up.. 1) I cheated on him on our 5th years. which I regret it everyday. 2) my family didn’t approve him to be my future husband. He feels discouraged. 3) Because I didn’t understand his feeling & situation well. we had a really big fight for the first time, we yell at each other, blaming each other. I even met the new girl, & tell that my ex bf n I already have sex. that’s makes him really angry at me, from that point I realize he love that girl so much. This is really hurting me. now, I’m slowly getting better, it’s been a week I didn’t contact him. CAN I ACTUALLY GET HIM BACK?

  5. Ash says:

    I’m on day 9 of NC (with no word from him yet) and going strong – actively implementing a better life for myself so that when it ends I am strong and confident and happy. We were together for 2.5 years and had a positive, supportive and intimate relationship and we broke up just before we were due to move in together.

    Here’s some things he said:
    * Something isn’t right and I don’t know what it is
    * Maybe it isn’t the right time for me
    * I don’t feel the same as I used to for you
    * I don’t think I love you

    I’m wondering whether I am hold out hope for someone who honestly doesn’t love me any more – I mean that is literally what he said. He didn’t say it in anger, and he repeated several times in different situations.

    My question is – have you heard of a situation of exes getting back together when the dumper said they weren’t in love any more? As the days go on I wonder whether I should take what he has said literally.

  6. Dana says:

    I need some help.I’m 30, he is a 21 year old fireman, we were together for a half year but because his whole family is in a religious sect where his father is the pastor and i didn’t join, we argued a lot and we broke up in May. We had a baby and he wanted to marry me, we were very happy but i had a miscarriage at 12weeks and he just disappeared. He said he needed some time grieving and that we cannot be together anymore because he isn’t able to have sex with me anymore also we made a big sin when we were together before marriage and we got punished by losing our child. I needed him, I still do. I’m very weak and lonely without him.I begged him to come back but he doesnt want me anymore. I tried to not talk to him for almost 3weeks but in that time he just closed the relationship in himself totally while i was waiting for him to come back. He is very cold, he said he doesn’t miss me, he doesn’t want to be next to me, we are not meant to be. I don’t know how to handle all this with the grief.His family is talking to me sometimes.I even tried to join to his religion but it still didnt help. He just doesn’t want me. I don’t know how to react.After that he said he knows we are not meant to be, i stopped talk to him yesterday. Should i disappear? Do the 30days no communication thing? I’m afraid he would just forget me and our baby in that time. He lives far from me so we cannot even meet accidentally. Have no idea what to do. I want to get back my child’s father. I want to get back our dream what he wanted more than me, getting married and have a family in harmony.Please help me.Thank you

  7. Nathalie Silkstone says:

    Me and my ex were together for two years and we’re so happy. Towards the end we were always fighting about him wanting to see his friends a lot and I got a bit controlling. He went to break up with me, but didn’t, and we worked it out. For a week we were very good and had a good balance. Things were looking up! Said he was happy! Then he said he thought about it and he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to be with me. And we would never get back together ever. I find it hard to believe he didn’t love me as all of his actions showed he did. What should I do now, as I still love him so much and I do want him back.

  8. sarah says:

    What does it mean when he says “we’re not getting back together because it’s a dead end relationship?” he thinks that we are in a very bad cycle of fighting then have really good days and then fighting and so on… He doesn’t want to continue any longer… this is our second time breaking up (been together 2 yrs total) and he said that he’s more sad this time around because he thought that when we got back together 9 months ago, it was for the long haul.. so does he really mean it when he said we’re never getting back together?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      he probably means it at the time he said it because of his emotions but it doesn’t mean you don’t have a chance.

  9. Kay says:

    What my ex told me when he broke up with me is completely different from any of the comments above. His exact words were “I think I’m done with this relationship. I was non-stop thinking about it the past 2 days and this just isn’t gonna work out.”

    Is there any interpretation you guys can take from this? For context, we had an argument about him putting his friends first when he’s spending time with me and he went cold turkey on me for two days, and when I asked if we could talk, he sent me that message.

  10. alex says:

    my long distance bf of 5 years texted me that i was a liar and manipulator because i blocked him on social media (Facebook) and that it was over he was blocking me and to never contact him again. we actually were not friends on facebook and i had deactivated it so i wasnt even on there but he did not believe me that i wasnt and it wasnt even my idea to not be friends on social media. i wanted him on my facebook but he said social media wasnt important to him. what gives? after he said do not contact me im done im blocking you now i tried to call him which the calls did go through and i dont think ive been blocked and text him days later and he never responded. is it over? its been a week since he said he was done. he has said he was done before and answered my phone call the next day but not this time.how can i even implement NC when hes basically already doing that

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      He’ll still check your account out of curiosity so reactivate it, improve yourself and be active in posting.. Just make them public

  11. Kinzie says:

    My ex and I dated for 6 months and towards the end we started getting in arguments because I wanted to settle down and have a family, and he didn’t feel ready. Well a week later he breaks up with me and says he just isn’t ready for a serious relationship. We had remained friends and the next day he shows up at my house asking for another shot saying he was just afraid of commitment and wanted to be with me. So everything goes great for a week, he brings up an idea to move in together, starts talking about “when we get married”..etc. Then one day he texts me saying that he just isn’t happy in the relationship and we aren’t meant to be together and I should move on. What do I do? We both work together (it’s where we met), we both have different religious backgrounds but had discussed a mutual feeling of not wanting religion, and I have chronic depression which I know has taken a toll on him at times. He says that I’ve been great and he enjoyed being with me but just isn’t happy. I feel like I’ve been doing everything I could to support him and been a good girlfriend, is there any chance left?

  12. Yulya says:

    I was with my ex in a relationship for 2,5 years. We lived together, but once he had a virtual sex with his friend and after that our relationships went wrong. They were intense, he was trying hard to make it better, but i was offended and sometimes could start arguing with him about that situation (it lasted for 2 years) or started talking about living apart. So now we broke up and live apart. He is not sure if he loves me, if he wants this relationships, sometimes he says that he wants to find sex buddies so he never get hurt again. We decided not to talk while we get something sorted out in our heads, 4 days after no talking he started missing me and texted me 7 days after. We met, talked, he said he missed me and wants to kiss me, but still not sure if he loves me. We had sex, but after I told him to take another break. So today is the first day of no talking. What are the chances of getting back together and what should I do? We both messed up this relationships

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      restart nc, dont sleep with him again if you’re not official, because you’re going to be friends with benefits if you keep doing that.. do at least 45 days.. be active in improving yourself and in posting and keep doing it even while slowly building rapport.. but, if while you’re building rapport, he brings up just having sex, move on..

  13. Jessica says:

    Need advice .
    Me and my ex got in a fight Friday . He was blowing up my phone & being insecure so I said something along the lines of how it’s not adding value to each others lives to fight like that. He took it very person “glad to know I’m appreciated. Find someone who adds value . I’m done.”. I begged him to realize I didn’t mean it . At this point damage was done . Next day texts saying he wants to be friends because I made it clear I’m discontent. He said he still wants to be in my life, I agreed and asked if we could hang out next week. He said he wanted to see me too . Later I blew up at him (long story) and he got mad . Left him for 2 days then apoligized. He thanks me for apology & says we can talk next week. I agree . 2 days later I be break and say I miss him and become desperate and weepy . I ask to see him & he says now he doesn’t know know cause of how fiesty I was last week with him . He said we can try to talk next week. We have broken up before and got back. What now? What’s are my chances?

  14. Joni says:

    My and my ex were friends before we started dating , we went out for 2 and a half years and a year ago we broke up, we’ve been in contact and have been hanging out but he brings up that we’re not getting back together still, what do I do?

  15. Hannah says:

    I need your advice. So I was friends with my ex for a few years before we started going out. We went out for around 3-4 months when he decided to break up with my because I am saving myself for marriage and he didn’t think he could handle it. Everything else in our relationship was going well and he had been aware of this fact before we started going out, so his decision to break up with me came as a shock. Well after about 2 days, he apologized and said that he wanted to get back together and that he had made a big mistake. I took him back hoping for the best, but 2 months later, he broke up with me citing the same reason but saying he really liked me and it broke his heart. I tried no contact for about three weeks and we have recently started talking as friends. We hang out with my group of friends and he still talks to me the same we talked when we were dating. The only problem is he stated that he never wanted to get back with me about a week after our breakup because he didn’t think it would work out and he would only hurt me. I honestly don’t know if he will come back again and if I should even take him back if he does at this point. Your advice will be greatly appreciated!

  16. Monica says:

    I have dated with my ex for an year. He is very possessive, controlling and jealous type. When he can’t control me, he cut himself sometime. Though I do love him, I feel so confused at times. Though I wanted to break up, he always threatened me that he will kill himself if I leave. He always said he can’t leave without me.Then, he cheated on me with his boss and told it was my fault because I wasn’t caring gf. She was so nice for him and she is the one for him. Then, Two week after he dumped me, he called me and said he still love me and cried. But he didn’t cut off his new gf either. When I told him to come back, then he said he couldn’t. Then, I told him to go away, he texted me everyday that he missed me so much. I am so confused with his action.

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