When I look at breakups as a whole there seems to be one common theme that is consistent no matter the situation.

They bring out the worst in people.

It’s really not that much of a stretch if you really think about it though.

For example, a break up can make someone do any of the following,



Hurt inside…

Be Depressed…


Basically you can name any negative emotion known to man and a break up probably can make you feel it.

So, when you put any human being in a situation where they are feeling these emotions they are probably going to say and do things that they really don’t mean.

Or do they?

Well, that is what we are going to be exploring today.

Welcome to Ex Boyfriend Recovery. This little community was created by yours truly,

yours truly

To help women navigate their breakups and help them increase their chances of getting their ex boyfriends back.

Your still looking at the body builder picture huh?

I have a weird sense of humor so you’ll have to forgive me.

Though I do like to keep things light here at EBR (Ex Boyfriend Recovery) since I have always found that laughter is the best medicine for healing a broken heart and your heart might be a little broken right now.

So hey, I am more than happy to make a fool out of myself for your amusement if it turns that frown upside down.

But I digress…

The real reason you are here today is to figure out what your ex boyfriend means when he says something to you.

This Page Is The First Of It’s Kind

A few days ago a thought entered my head.

The thought?

Wouldn’t it be cool if there was something that served as a cheat sheet for women that would help them decipher what their ex meant when he said something.

For example, if an ex boyfriend said something like, “I fell out of love with you” wouldn’t it be cool if there was some sort of guide that a woman could reference to figure out what he really meant when he said that.

I mean, there are tons of things he could mean by that.

Let’s try another one.

I am sure you have heard the classic, “it’s not you, it’s me” line before?

its not you its me

Well, what does a man really mean when he says that to you?

So, like any curious person I went to Google to see if such a guide had been created and after searching around for 10 minutes (not a very long search i’ll admit) I couldn’t find anything.

That brings us to now.

I am going to create that type of a guide for you.

Seriously, ME, an actual guy is going to tell you what your ex boyfriend really means when he says things to you.

Pretty cool, huh?

Every breakup reason.

Every booty call.

EVERYTHING he says to you is finally going to be explained no holds barred.

Are you scared?

You should be.

No, I am just kidding.

Let’s move on and take a look at the topics I am going to be covering.

Is This Process A Waste Of Your Time?
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The Format Of This Page

format of the meme

This page is going to be formatted in a specific way.

First I am going to talk about the “what your ex boyfriend says” portion of the section and then I am going to go into the “what he really means” portion of the section and give an in-depth explanation of what your ex boyfriend really means when he says things to you.

What “things” am I going to be covering?

  • “I hate you”
  • “Never talk to me again.”
  • “It’s not you, it’s me.”
  • “I never really loved you.”
  • “We will never get back together.”

I saved the best for last 😉 .

If you think of any to add then feel free to leave a comment in the comments section of this article and I will revisit this page sometime down the road and update it with new things you ladies are probably wondering about.

Shall we begin?

We do have a lot of ground to cover.

Your Ex Says He Hates You

I hate you

(Jeez… Chill out Anakin.)

I want you to do me a favor for a second here.

(Really this is a favor for yourself)

Scroll back up to the top of this page and read the introduction section.

Do you remember what I said there?

I said that breakups tend to bring out the worst in people.

After all, there is a reason that they compare losing a job to going through a break up, it sucks.

So, when you place a man (who is more aggressive than a woman) in a situation where he is going to be hurt/upset then it isn’t shocking to hear the words, “I hate you,” come out of his mouth.

Take me for example, I am a pretty nice guy.

I always do my best to treat people with the utmost respect and I was raised to always respect women.

Open doors…

Pay for meals…

You know, all that good stuff.

Yet, when you take me back to my very first relationship way back when I was a kiddo in high school I am pretty sure that when the inevitable break up did happen (and high school breakups are often inevitable) I muttered the words, “I hate you,” to my ex.

But did I mean it?

Actually, you know what?

Take me out of the equation entirely.

Do men mean it when they say they hate you?

What Does He Mean When He Says “I Hate You?”

what does this mean

Lets tackle this question as logically as we can.

Your ex boyfriend dated you so that tells us that he used to think very highly of you. I mean, I don’t know too many men that go into dating someone thinking,

“I don’t like her.”

Throughout your time together he probably told you,

He loved you…

Cared for you…

That you were his “one and only…”

I think you get the idea with what I am going for here.

So, when you take this into account I am relatively certain that your ex boyfriend doesn’t truly hate you.

What he is really saying is that he hates what has happened to your relationship.

He hates the situation.

He hates the way it makes him feel.

He hates the pain.

And since you are associated with the pain he is feeling you are going to get blamed by association.

Hence the, “I hate you” mantra he has adopted.

Above I mentioned that I may have muttered the words, “I hate you” to the very first girlfriend I had way back in high school. Now, I know a high school relationship that happened close to ten years ago isn’t exactly going to bring earth shattering revelations but bear with me here as I try to make my point.

Do you think I meant it when I said it?

Of course not.

I hated the way I was feeling.

I hated having a failed relationship and all that depressing stuff I mentioned above (with the pain and all that.)

But I also knew that it would hurt my ex girlfriend if I said it to her and since I wasn’t exactly what you would call a seasoned veteran when it came to handling breakups yet I wasn’t above revenge.

This is horrible for me to admit but I was young so you have to realize the immature mentality I had.

I literally thought to myself,

“What can I say to my ex girlfriend to make her feel as horrible as I feel right now? Hmm.. I know, I will tell her that I hate her and I wish I had never met her. That will hurt her.”

That’s not a very mature way of handling things is it?

The important takeaway that I want you to take from this negative experience that I am sharing is that most men don’t mean it when they say they hate you. Instead they are just projecting on how they feel about the situation they are currently in.

Of course, some men will say it with the intentions of hurting you as well.

So, there are really two things that men are trying to say when they say they hate you.

  1. I hate you = I hate the situation
  2. I hate you = I hope this hurts you so you can feel how I feel

Lets move on to another ex boyfriend favorite,

“Never talk to me again.”

Your Ex Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

talk to me

There are really two situations that spring to mind when I hear from a woman who is wondering if her boyfriend really means it when he tells her to never contact him again.

  1. The couple got into a bad fight that culminated in the man saying “never talk to me again.”
  2.  The woman constantly bugs the guy and he gets so fed up that he tells her to never talk to him again.

In order to fully understand what an ex boyfriend really means when he says never talk to me again we must first understand exactly what these situations look like.

Situation 1- A Bad Fight Results In The Man Telling The Woman To Never Talk To Him Again

Lets do our first role play!

Lets pretend that I am your boyfriend and the two of us got into a massive fight over your cat.

Fun Fact: I am definitely not a cat person (I’m allergic) so I can definitely see myself getting into a fight with someone over a cat.

So, we go back and forth over your cat and the fight starts to evolve as bad fights usually do. What started out as a “friendly” sparring session over you cat turns ugly when we drag all kinds of unrelated things into the fight.

My parents… (HOW DARE YOU)

Your parents…

My gigantic muscles… (seen above)

How the house never gets cleaned…

How I never take out the trash.

(You get the idea)

The fight gets so bad that we break up over it.

A few days pass after the break up and you attempt to reach out to me.


What is my response?

“I thought I told you to never talk to me again.”

What the heck do I mean by that?

Well, I will tell you in a second but first lets tackle the second situation I see a lot of when it comes to men saying, “never talk to me again,” to their ex girlfriends.

Situation 2- You Annoy Your Ex So Much After The Breakup That He Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

Lets stick with the cat example above since we had so much fun with that.

So, the two of us used to date and we broke up due to a horrible fight over your cat.


After the breakup you realize that you made a horrible mistake and you want me back.

(It’s about time you came to your senses.)

Well, your strategy for getting me back involves messaging me about 30 times a day and calling me about 10.

Obviously I like the attention at first but then it gets to be a little too much and I begin to resent you for it.

Eventually your efforts get so out of hand that I can’t stand to hear from you anymore.

It is only when I am pushed to this point that I lay down the law.

“Don’t talk to me anymore.”

What It Means When An Ex Boyfriend Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

what does that even mean

Obviously since I divided this particular topic up into two different situations,

  1. The couple got into a bad fight that culminated in the man saying “never talk to me again.”
  2.  The woman constantly bugs the guy and he gets so fed up that he tells her to never talk to him again.

There are two completely different meanings behind an ex saying “never talk to me again.”

Just like above I am going to divide this section up into two categories,

  1. What it means when an ex says “never talk to me again” in situation 1
  2. What it means when an ex says “never talk to me again” in situation 2

Lets start off on a good note first and talk about category number one!

What It Means When Your Ex Boyfriend Says “Never Talk To Me Again” In Situation 1

For those of you who have horrible memories situation 1 is a situation in which you and your ex boyfriend get into a massive fight and the fight is culminated with our five favorite words,

“Don’t talk to me again.”

The thing that you really have to keep in mind here is the fact that your ex is saying this from a highly emotional state.

Breakups have this funny ability to make even the nicest of people turn into angry lunatics.

(Seriously, I have seen it firsthand.)

So, if you got caught in the crossfire of a heated breakup and your boyfriend said this to you then don’t take it personally.

I am sure if he was honest with himself he really doesn’t mean it.

Besides, I can probably give you hundreds of examples where an ex boyfriend said this to an ex girlfriend and then HE ends up being the one that gets in contact with her.

Now, if you are wondering what is going on in his mind to make him say this in the heat of the moment then look no further than the curious case of emotional states.

I don’t care how “well behaved” a man is.

If you push a man hard enough you can always get him to say things he doesn’t mean.

We are dealing with a real life human being here and human beings are imperfect. They are going to say things they don’t mean from time to time. This is especially true if you get into a bad fight with one.

What it all boils down to is the emotional state that your ex boyfriend was in when he said “never talk to me again.”

Since we are looking specifically at him AFTER a fight you can bet good money on the fact that he was in a very negative emotional state and as a result he is going to say things that aren’t very logical.

In other words, he doesn’t mean it when he says “never talk to me again.”

But what about the other situation?

Good question!

What It Means When An Ex Says “Never Talk To Me Again” In Situation 2

Situation 2 is vastly different than situation 1.

It looks specifically at a scenario where you (the ex girlfriend) goes a little crazy and contacts him too much.

How does that look?

Here’s a good example,

crazy annoying

Notice how this girl, Cordelia, is sending waaaayyyyy too many messages to her ex boyfriend.

(Cordelia is a Buffy reference by the way 😉 .)

Though that’s not all that Cordelia is doing.

In addition to sending a bunch of unanswered texts she is also calling her ex boyfriend up.

Of course, holding true to his form he ignores the calls.

missed call

In fact, Cordelia is acting is being so annoying to him that he sends her what she considers to be the kiss of death,

dont talk to me again

There it is…

“Don’t talk to me again.”

But do you think her ex boyfriend means it?

Yes he does…


I am going to tell you the story of a girl that I went out on a date with a long time ago.

Now, I did not have a relationship with this girl but the same principle is going to apply.

The two of us went out on one date and after some thinking on my part I decided to inform her in a subtle way that I was not interested in her. Now, I didn’t want to completely cut her out of my life. I was willing to remain friends with her and I explained this to her.

She did not take too kindly to this.

Instead of just remaining friends she treated me like I was some sort of boyfriend that scorned her.

She turned into a “Cordelia.”

Now, I am the kind of person that absolutely hates confrontation so I didn’t want to have to start a fight with her but I knew I was going to have to lay down the law when I got a similar text message to this one day,

crazy text

Just to put this in perspective this wasn’t the first time something like this happened with this particular girl.

It was just the latest (and it was by far the worst.)

It was at this point that my “friendly” nature ceased to exist and Reid (as my wife likes to call him) came out.

Reid is my middle name in case you were wondering.

My wife likes to tease me that any time I get “moody” or “angry” that it’s really Reid and not me.

Well, Reid came out in spades.


This was my way of saying “never talk to me again” and I meant it.

In fact, I went so far that I blocked her number from my phone forever.

So, if you ever needed motivation to stop contacting your ex after the breakup this is it.

Let’s move on.

It’s Not You, It’s Me


Ah, the good ole, “it’s not you, it’s me” line.

I can’t hep it but every time I hear this I always immediately think of George from Seinfield.

(I attached a gif image at the beginning of this article depicting Georgie’s thoughts on this 😉 .)

Anyways, I just had to throw that in.

The thing I would like to turn your attention to when explaining this is that the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” can take many forms.

Too many women think that those exact five words have to be muttered to them for them to be eligible victims and that’s just not true.

The “it’s not you, it’s me” line has many variations.

For example, lets say that the two of us were dating and one day I call you up and say,

“Hey, I had a really good time with you but I’m not feeling this anymore… It’s nothing you did but I think we just need to go our separate ways.”

Believe it or not but the phrase that I just muttered to you over the breakup phone call is a longer variation of the “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Seriously, really take a look at the phrase.

“Hey, I had a really good time with you but I’m not feeling this anymoreIt’s nothing you did but I think we just need to go our separate ways.”

You will noticed that I bolded two parts.

Let’s dissect them.

“I’m not feeling this anymore”

By an ex saying this to you he is making you aware that he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore. That much is common sense. What you may not realize though is that by him saying “I’m not feeling this anymore” he is satisfying the “it’s me” part of the “it’s not you, it’s me” phrase we are dissecting in this section.

Lets move on the second part.

“It’s nothing you did”

Not too hard to dissect this one.

Your ex is basically telling you that you didn’t do anything to make him leave.

He’s informing you that you are innocent in this.

“It’s not you..”

Do you see what happened here?

I am waiting for a million light bulbs to go off…

The entire phrase above basically flip flopped the “it’s not you, it’s me” parts into “it’s me, it’s not you.”

It’s just harder to see since it is disguised cleverly around a lot of words but if you look hard enough (the bold parts) you will see it.

Lets move on to the fun part and dissect what your ex boyfriend really means if he gives you the Seinfeld excuse.

What He Means When He Says “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

Your ex boyfriend is a liar and I am going to prove why.

Let’s do a fun little exercise.

You know your boyfriend pretty well, right?

Which celebrity does he have a small crush on?

(Since I can’t hear your answers I am just going to have to make up one for you.)

Lets say that your boyfriend has a massive crush on Megan Fox (since she seems to be everyone’s definition of “hot” right now.)

Megan Fox Wallpapers

Alright, so lets say that your ex boyfriend is dating the woman of his dreams, Megan Fox.

Realistically can you picture him telling Megan Fox, “it’s not you, it’s me?”

I can’t…

Heck, I can’t even picture him breaking up with her.

Look, any many who gives you this sch-peel of “it’s not you, it’s me” is lying to you.

What he is really trying to tell you is that “it’s you, it’s not me.”

Men don’t leave women who they think are worth it. They leave the women they think aren’t worth it. They leave the women that they think they can do better than.

Picture a scale of 1-10.


Let’s say that when your ex boyfriend first started dating you he determined that you were an 8 on the scale,


As your relationship goes on he lowers your value to a 6

1-10 copy

Well, in his mind he is going to think “I can do better than her” at this point and that is where to start to see the “it’s not you’s, it’s me” come into play.

The truth is that in his mind it is you.

“It’s not me, it’s you” = “It’s you, it’s not me”

I Never Really Loved You…



If your ex boyfriend mutters these words to you then I imagine it must sting pretty badly.

I mean, saying “I love you” to someone and meaning it in that deep personal way is a big deal. So, to hear that your ex boyfriend could potentially be throwing all of that out the window is especially painful.

To be honest I am not sure that this one requires too much of a buildup.

Your ex boyfriend says “I never really loved you” to you…

There, build up done!

Lets move…

Actually, you know what?

I just thought of something.

Let’s generalize this.

If you really think about it an ex boyfriend who says that he never really loved you is probably doing so during a highly emotional moment. So, when I start explaining what he really means when he says this to you I want to operate under the assumption that he is in a highly emotional situation.

What constitutes as a high emotional situation?

  • A breakup
  • A fight
  • Anything like these situations (I couldn’t think of anymore :p )

Ok, lets move on and dissect this one.

What It Means If He Told You That He Never Really Loved You

does it mean

This situation is very similar to situation number 1 when a boyfriend tells you to never talk to him again.

If you recall, in that situation an ex doesn’t really mean it. He is just reacting to the situation he is in (which is highly emotional.)

Well, this situation is very similar to that except there is a small twist.

In my opinion, if an ex boyfriend tells you that he never really loved you he is just doing so to hurt your feelings and doesn’t really mean it at all.

Lets look at things from his perspective for a moment.

He is going through a breakup.

The two of you are probably fighting a lot.

He isn’t as good at handling his emotions as you are.

(In case you missed it I have talked multiple times at how men are more physical and woman are more emotional and this helps women handle their emotions better than men.)

Oh, and if you were the one that broke up with your ex boyfriend then it adds that extra little cherry on top.

From your ex boyfriends perspective you are the villain and what do men generally do when they come across a villain?

They try to hurt them and knock them down a peg.

So, what is the best way of accomplishing this?

Saying something super hurtful to you.

I never really loved you” seems to do quite nicely in this circumstance, huh?

Thousands of women come to this site every single day and every single day they freak out over stuff like this. The truth of the matter is that I don’t even take it that seriously. I just look at it as an ex boyfriend trying to say something hurtful.

Deep down he doesn’t really mean it.

“I never really loved you” = What can I say to hurt her the most?

We Will Never Get Back Together

getting back together

I saved the best for last.

This is probably the whole reason you wanted to read this article anyways, right?

Heck, I wouldn’t even be shocked if you just scrolled straight down to this section and skipped all the others.

I will say one thing.

Without a doubt this is one of the top questions that I get asked on a daily basis.

Usually it goes a little something like this,

“Chris, my boyfriend told me that we have no chance of getting back together with him, ZERO. Do you think he’s right? Is it over for me?”

This is a question I can’t wait to tackle in-depth.

So, rather than spend 500 words setting this up I am just going to get right down to the meat of this.

What He Really Means When He Says You Two Will Never Get Back Together

text mean

Lets take a big view of exes in general.

More specifically, the industry I am currently a part of.

What if I were to tell you that this is a million dollar industry?

What if I were to tell you that your beloved Ex Boyfriend Recovery site is still a small fish in a big pond?

Would you believe me?

Well, it’s true.

There are hundreds of so called experts out there that are trying to capitalize on your dollars.

Now, that may be a scary thing for you to hear since the last thing you want is to be taken advantage of.

Oh, by the way you should check out my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO 😉 .

No, I am just kidding.

The point I am trying to get at here is that the only reason that this industry is considered “thriving” is because couples do get back together. Heck, couples say the meanest possible things to each other and still get back together.

“I hate you…”

(Back together in a week!)

“Burn in he**”

(Back together in a day!)

“We are never getting back together again”

(Back together in 3 months!)

If your ex boyfriend says that the two of you will never get back together again then I wouldn’t take it to heart because I have seen too much flip flopping in my time to buy into it completely.

Now, lets not completely discredit all men.

There are some that really do mean it when they say we are never getting back together again.

However, in my opinion I think them saying it is really a function of what was done to them in the relationship.

The Importance Of Percentages

I like assigning percentage values to situations based on how high the chances of success are for a reconnection.

This percentage number is assigned based on my personal knowledge and experience seeing a lifetime worth of breakups.

For example, a general breakup would have a 30% chance of a reconnection. What I try to do is help women move that number up substantially.

So, maybe a general breakup percentage starts at 30% but after using my strategies it gets bumped up to 50%.

Of course, not all breakups are created equal.

Some percentage values are much lower than the 30% mark.

For example, if you take two of the hardest situations,

  • Cheating
  • He Gets A New Girlfriend

Instead of those situations starting at the general 30% mark they would start at the 10 – 20% marks respectively.

Obviously these situations are harder to succeed in.

It is in these situations that an ex boyfriend would be more likely to mean it if he said, “we are never getting back together.”

Get it?


Ok, let me dig a little deeper for you.

Lets say that the two of us were dating and you cheated on me with my best friend…

Actually, lets make things worse and say that I walked in on you and him in bed together.

Ok, not only would that scar/mess me up for life but if I would say, “we are never getting back together,” to you then I would mean it.

It’s these extreme situations that have a low percentage of success that you have to watch out for. Those are the types of situations where an ex boyfriend could mean it if he says that he never wants to get back with you.

Here’s a quick rundown of the situations where he could say “we are never getting back together” and mean it.

  • He cheated on you
  • You cheated on him
  • He gets a new girlfriend

Now, before I finish this article up finally I want to make sure that you fully grasp what I am telling you here.

It is only in the most extreme situations where he might really mean what he is saying.

So, what it all boils down to is a function of how severe the damage during the relationship was to him.

We Are Never Getting Back Together = If you hurt me too much during the relationship I could mean this

Of course, I have also helped women get back with their exes in all the situation above so technically nothing is set in stone…

Just saying.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please


hurt you

What the HECK?!?!

This is the most mind boggling statement he could make, right?

I’m going to give you the secret as to why he said this! Ready?

He’s just trying to come off as the good guy here. It’s really that simple.

By saying,

“I don’t want to hurt you again”

He is making himself sound like the hero. He’s trying to sound like he’s protecting you but in reality he’s only being selfish.

What a hero, right?


hurt you

It sounds like some kind of BS line to me. Let’s face it, if he really didn’t want to hurt you again, the solution is simple…

He shouldn’t do anything stupid. 🙂

There are a million different ways that he could hurt you. Let’s take a moment to dissect some of them.

The first one that comes to mind is Cheating.

Well, absolutely that would hurt you, but could he prevent this?

Yes, he most certainly can.

So, the,

“I don’t want to hurt you again” statement doesn’t really hold up here.

What about if he was emotionally abusive?

He could go to therapy and get help. There are many things he could do to try to preserve your relationship instead of backing out and giving you the excuse of,

“I don’t want to hurt you again.”

But in this case I personally believe you should be the one breaking up with him anyway.

He could be afraid of commitment so as the relationship gets closer he is backing away.

You are looking for a life with him.

Marriage, children the whole nine yards but if he’s not ready to commit to you then he may use the line “I don’t want to hurt you again” especially if he’s expressed his feelings on the subject already.

We could go on and on all day about ways he could hurt you but when it comes down to it it’s a way for him to remove himself from the relationship and look like the good guy. Some guys really are that concerned with their image.

How do I know?

Well, I am a guy and I have actually seen this done first hand to a girl before.


My best friend in college was what I would classify as a total ladies man. What do I mean by that?

Simple, this guy knew how to get a woman eating out of the palm of his hand. Now, I remember the first time I watched him work his voodoo on a girl I was impressed but after a while it became clear that the girl he worked “said voodoo on” was way more attached to him than he was to her.

Thus, a breakup was inevitable.

But my buddy was so obsessed with being perceived as the “good guy” that he decided to use the,

“I just know that if we keep dating I am going to hurt you and I don’t want that for you”


Tsk.. Tsk… Tsk….

All so he could protect his good guy image.


best friends

I want you to take a moment and imagine something for me.

You are living the perfect life. You have a great family, a great job, great friends and a great boyfriend. But one day you notice your boyfriend has a very sad look on his face.

You’ve seen this look before.

It’s the look of a man who is about to deliver some bad news to you.

That’s when he does it.

He breaks up with you.

But he can’t help just adding in this one line…

“We can still be friends.”

You’ve been intimate on every level, emotionally and physically and he wants to be friends!?!?

At that moment it feels like he is trying to stay in your life and that’s good, right? WRONG!

What’s really going on in his head?

Why would he say that?

Does he actually mean it or is he just saying it?

Perhaps he wants to stay friends to have the possibility of getting back together in the future?

These are all questions you are probably found yourself asking.

I am going to give you the low down on all of these unanswered questions and really bring you into the mind of a male.

Are you ready?

It can be a scary place… but the good news is I am going to walk you through it and give you guidance on what to do if he says he just wants to be friends.


cop out

This is the easiest way for your ex to break up with you. He doesn’t have to hurt your feelings in his mind because he still wants to be friends. It also secures a backup girlfriend in case his “post you” dating escapades don’t work out.

Think of it this way, he’s got you on the sidelines waiting around for him while he does whatever he wants. He may even try a friends with benefits situation down the line.

Take a look at this graphic.


Through this graphic I am showing you what’s going on in his head.

Your lost in a sea of women.

Just another number.

But there are two ways to break this trick he’s pulling…

The best thing you can do in this situation is to say,

“Sure we can be friends” and then start your no contact.

The second thing is becoming an ungetttable girl. You can read more about becoming an ungettable girl here.

But I will give you a brief description of how to do both here. First off, you will have to go completely ghost on him. Do not answer his texts if he texts you. Don’t answer his calls. Don’t “accidentally” call him. 😉 (I see this happen daily) This is probably the most difficult thing that you are going to have to go through.

Your brain is hardwired to talk to him but like I said above, you can’t. So, I am going to teach you a trick that I don’t think I have ever talked about on Ex Boyfriend Recovery before.

I want you to write down his number on a piece of paper twice.

Put one in your dresser and one in a small lock box.

Now, go out and buy a calendar. It’s important that this calendar is something that you love to look at everyday. There are so many different ones out there, Island paradise calendars, pictures of Europe calendars, puppies, kittens, babies, hot air balloons etc.

Pick one that will make you feel good every time you look at it.

Put your calendar up in plain view where you will see it daily and circle the date that your no contact period is up.

Are you with me so far?





Ok, here comes the hard part.

I want you to delete his number!

That’s right, completely delete it from your phone. This way you will not have any temptations or “accidents.” You will still have his number in two different spots so you won’t have to worry about never getting it back again.

Oh and one more thing with regards to no contact.

Do not block him.

I repeat do not block him on anything. That will only make your life way harder. Just don’t answer any texts or calls that are from unknown numbers.

Got it?


Let’s move on and talk about the ungettable girl.

I want you to take out that same calendar and mark a weekly goal. I want you to put something on there daily and do it.

For example, if you want to look your best maybe you would put:

March 1st- Hair coloring appointment.
March 2nd- Start Gym Membership. (Or specific workouts at home.)
March 3rd- Go to a makeup demo.
March 4th- Paint nails.
March 5th- Join a co-ed indoor soccer team.

You get the point.

Not only will this distract you and give you something to focus on other than your ex, it will give you confidence. You will look and feel your best!

The other part to being an ungettable girl is to become the girl that every man wants.

Even if you technically aren’t there are specific ways to portray this persona.

For example, when you finally go on that first date with your ex boyfriend walk in front of him since women typically walk in front of men on dates and look at a guy (who is not your ex.) The idea here is to make it look like this other guy is checking you out.

Let’s role play this for a second.

Lets say that I am a woman.

Let’s call me….



Isn’t that a pretty woman?

I certainly think so haha!

Anyways, lets pretend that I am on a date with my ex and I want to try this method out. I am walking into a restaurant and since my ex is a gentlemen he holds the door open for me. As I am walking in I notice that there is a man walking towards me. Well, I would look at him out of the corner of my eye.

Now, the important thing to understand here is that it’s obvious to this other man that I am looking at him. And what do people do when they are looked at?


But here is the most genius part.

My ex is behind me the entire time. So, even though I am technically the one who made the guy look at me, to my ex it looks like this guy is checking me out. Oh, and since I am such a good looking girl the guy “checking me out” smiles and nods.

Extra bonus points! 🙂

But lets get out of this fantasy world where I am a woman and come back to the real world where I am teaching you to become the ungettable girl.

Another interesting aspect of the UG is that they are always busy. You want to be independent. If you’ve been with your ex for a long time the chances are pretty high that you are depending on him too much. Whether it’s for emotional stability or happiness you will have to show him that you can be happy on your own. It’s nice to feel wanted and needed and he will miss that feeling after a while.

Overall, this situation is actually wonderful for a breakup because he’s thinking your going to be friends with him but little does he know he is getting the cold shoulder for a few weeks so he can reassess his decision and during this time your becoming a version of yourself that he have never met before.

Such is the path of the ungettable girl.


dont like you

So this is one of my favorite lines. “I never liked you anyway.”

You should be thinking,

“Come on, we’ve dated for 6 months, a year, two years and yet you threw away all of your precious time to a person you never even liked. HAHA”

It’s almost comical when a guy says this to his ex but it happens everyday.

It’s a very similar situation to the “I never loved you” comment that I’ve mentioned before. They are similar comments but ironically have completely different meanings. I think it’s safe to say that if your ex has told you that he never loved you the cut from that would be very deep. That is such a hurtful thing to say. Saying I never liked you definitely hurts but it’s a poor man’s “I never loved you.”

That’s the truth.


dont like you

Take my friend “Bob” for example,

(By the way Bob is a fake name for a friend.)

His girlfriend and him were dating for 2 years and they got into a heated argument and he brings out the world famous line,

“Well, I never even liked you.”

You see, Bob and his ex were fighting over money which is one of the top reasons couples fight.

He had the gall to say, “I can’t believe you bought that $150 dress”

(This coming from a man who bought 3 video games that ended up costing the same as the dress.)

Guess what happened next?

Yup, you got it!

Bob’s ex went bat shit crazy and started throwing his games around while yelling and crying. Ultimately this was the last fight of their relationship. She walked out completely.

A few days passed and she started thinking to herself,

“Man, I think I made a mistake.”

So, she decided to call him again in an attempt to patch things up. But Bob, being the genius he is, decides to bring up the whole video game debacle again and the two of them started arguing again!

That’s when he said it…

“Well, I never even liked you anyways…”

Her heart dropped to the floor. She kept thinking,

“He can’t really mean that, right?”

So, why did Bob say it?

I remember asking him,

“Why did you say that to her?”

This was his response:

“I am just so sick of fighting with her. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Apparently Bob thought that this would be the easiest way to stop the fight and to get rid of her (for the time being.)


never met you meme

Coming from a guy that probably said,

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me”


“I’m so glad I met you”

Throughout your relationship.

It probably threw you off completely hearing him say I wish I never met you.

So, lets take a moment and dissect what’s really going on in his head.


The truth is that it could mean several different things. The first thing that comes to mind is one of my favorite quotes from Good Will Hunting.

“Most days I wish I never met you because then I could sleep at night and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge there was someone like you out there.”

Something tells me your ex didn’t say it in this way, otherwise you probably wouldn’t be on this site.

But the light at the end of the tunnel is that what he really meant when he says he wishes he never met you is that he is very hurt by you. You’ve brought out such strong feelings that he cannot deal with. It’s actually not the worst thing when a guy reacts emotionally like this because it means that he has feelings towards you. Even if they are negative feelings, he still has passion when it comes to you.

If he was nonchalant and aloof then you should worry a little more.

Oftentimes men don’t know how to express themselves as well as women do and so they resort to the easiest thing that comes to mind.

It’s pretty childish really.

They say things they don’t mean and a lot of times they end up regretting it. It never feels good to fight. In the moment it relieves some stress but later people often feel bad about it.

I’d be willing to bet your ex will regret or at least feel bad about things he says to you in the heat of the moment at some point.
Even when he says things like “I wish I never met you.”

753 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

  1. AM

    October 11, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    Hi Chris,

    First of all, thank you for your response. It’s true, but my head tells me to give up and move on but my heart says the complete opposite. So I asked for your help because I do not really know if I’m just scared of losing my ex for once and being too needy and insecure to move on, or, if there’s still any chance of rekindling feelings with him and getting him to chase me, not the opposite?! Is there an eBook that can help me?

    Once again, Thank you for your attention! 😉

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 12, 2018 at 3:08 am

      You should take a look at my home page as I have several eBooks you may be interested in.

  2. AM

    October 11, 2018 at 2:50 am

    Hi Cris,
    I am feeling frustrated and heartbroken because I still have feelings for my ex boyfriend, but I feel that he is moving on and that this time there´s no going back. And honestly I don´t know what to do anymore because it leaves me confused. I have been looking for help through various websites, but my story ends up having lots of ups and downs, so I end up getting no concrete answer. So when I found your page and saw that the comments were being corresponded, I decided to take the risk and ask for your opinion. My story started eight years ago, and initially we started out as schoolmates, and he fell in love with me, but at the time I only saw him as a friend and after a while I even started dating a friend of ours. This dating lasted a year and a half, but the last half year things were not well. However, I began to notice him more because we remain friends, but we were no longer from the same class, and I began to miss the attention he gave me. Until one day I was already separated from my boyfriend at the time, and we began to speak for messages. And it was then, that I realized that he still liked me, and one thing leads to another and we started dating. We still dated for about a year and a half. But then we never went back to being what we were. We spent several years in a relationship of friendship / dating, one and off. Until 2 years ago we got tired and i thought it was over for real. But after about 6 months, he contacted me again and started talking as if nothing had happened. But in that period, I started attending a gym, where I met new people, and I started having a crush on a boy who initially gave me a signal of interest, but it turned out to be nothing. And when he sent me that message, I did not think about him that much, but I was surprised and wondered why he was contacting me again. And this has already happened at the beginning of last year. Then we were talking, but it was always him who started the conversation, and I responded naturally, without revealing any kind of emotion. Until one day, he suggests that we come out again, to catch up. It went well, and even went back out again, but then he turned to walk away. It went well, and we met again, but then he moved away again. And at the time I know I was upset and asking myself why he had come back to talk to me and show interest in being with me and then moved away again. After that, I told myself I was not going to talk to him again, that it was over.
    But 2 weeks later he comes back to contact me, and then I thought, now if he really wants something, this time it will be him that will invest. And of course, he began to invest more. And it was going very well, better than I was expecting. He started inviting me out, 2 or 3 times a week, and I started to take it for granted, and when I realized, I was already starting to invite him, without giving enough space, and I ended up by starting to invite more than it should. I think I should have given him some space, but when I realized it, it was too late. He felt himself pressed down and began to move away, and I became uncertain again. And in that period, I made a reflection and realized that I was being very insecure, and that I would have been at other times too. And because of that I ended up pushing him without that intention. Then from the beginning from year to April we were still talking, but we hardly saw each other, and we ended up moving away. Later in June, I began to miss him, and how I wanted to be able to tell him the news that was happening in my life. But the heart spoke louder than reason, and I decided to ask him if he would ever come back to me as friends, but if he wanted to continue as we were, that was fine too. And at the time, he said yes but he would not promise me anything, but that his feelings did not disappear like that, and that although we were a little bit massacred, we had nothing to lose in trying.
    And yet we were talking a few times through messages, and we still had two dates. And the first was good but the second somehow did not go so well. From there, he began to move away again. And maybe it could have been because he had started to ask if he was still sure of what he wanted, and so on. I showed myself insecure once more.
    I say this because it’s been a month and a half now that he has not invited me to meet again. Now what makes me confused is the fact that even 2 weeks ago I told him that I liked going out with him, but I also liked him to be honest with me, and I asked him if he was going to be the man who disappears from nowhere or if he was going be the man who does what he says.

    And he said that obviously he was a man of his word, if he said he wanted a re-approach, that he would do it. And he spent another week without saying anything, until Sunday came and he sends me a message asking how he was. And we still talked a little bit but there was no big investment, failing to answer me on Thursday. And on Friday it was my birthday, and I was waiting for him to wish me a happy birthday, but he did not even congratulate me. Of course I was upset, and after midnight I told him that he did not even give me the congratulations! And he has not answered me to this day. So I decided to send him a message to see if he would react.
    And I said something to him, like, I did not know why he had not said anything to me on my birthday, or why he stopped responding.
    He did not know if it was because he was not really interested or if he had even met someone. And that he felt some confusion from him, since he had said that he was a man of his word. But that’s okay, I’d walk away. I did not want to get close to someone who does not know or who is not sure what he wants. And that above all, I want him to be happy and I hope to still be here when he was prepared. But by then, I knew I needed someone who was completely interested because I did not want to be with someone who is not 100% sure if they want to be with me.
    Only he answered me in a way that I was not expecting. He said that regarding the date of my birthday, he remembered at times of the day, but then the moment passed. And he thinks it’s actually better for each of us to continue in our own lives. See how things go. That it does not matter to be in this constant discussion of ideas that underlie our life.
    And above all, he also wishes me the best of happiness and is always ready for everything, whatever comes and goes. Now my question to you (if it’s still valid) is whether I should really give up on this person and move on even though I still have feelings for him or can still hope, and I must apply the no-contact rule for a time and then try a new approach but in a different way? If so, what is the best way to do it without seeming desperate or needy?

    I apologize for the “testament”, but I wanted to frame it in the best possible way so that I could understand how complicated this story is already. But if it were possible, I would like to know your opinion!

    Thanks for listening;)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 11, 2018 at 4:36 am

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts AM!

      I understand some guys can be so confusing. They can be so good and so bad. Have you considered any of eBooks to help you through all this?

  3. Lauren

    October 6, 2018 at 10:31 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up 3 weeks ago. He broke up with me because he said there were many reasons, mainly that he couldn’t deal with me anymore apparently due to me having low confidence and him being very grumpy and me stressing him out. Cut long story short and without going into every detail, we didn’t speak for roughly 10 days, I gave him the silent treatment and he didn’t bother to make contact with me either. After 10 days I made contact and he said he still loves me and it’s hurting him but he could never go back (he’s so stubborn) I left it for a while and then a week or so later I went round to his to pick up some stuff, he was in and was very nice to me. We kissed and cuddled and I cried and we spoke for the first time since we broke up. But he still said there was absolutely no way we can get back together, even tho I was doing everything in my power to pursuade him that we could be amazing if we just took away the things that broke us in the first place but he’s still not having any of it!! I sent him a really nice text to say good luck and that I respect his decision and to say goodbye and he just replied with something like goodbye sorry my decision isn’t changing but you know my reasons. He’s very stubborn so does this mean he’s gone for good? He did say he still loves me and misses me and is finding it hard? Does he just need space or does he mean what he says and won’t ever come back? He’s a very quiet man who rarely goes out, mainly just plays PS4 and goes to the pub occasionally with one or two of his guy mates who are both engaged with long term relationships so I don’t believe he would move on very easily but I don’t get it I’m so confused!! Help me 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 7, 2018 at 3:29 am

      Hi Lauren!

      Well, you guys have 2.5 years together and some roots are laid down and that can be helpful. Give him some space and let’s see if he changes his tune.

  4. Sarah

    October 3, 2018 at 7:11 pm

    What if your ex says it was his biggest mistake to start any kind of relationship…and says i don’t trust you…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:23 am

      Well guys say all kinds of things…often bloated up due to emotions. You know the truth. Seems like no contact would be helpful to you both.

  5. Katherine

    August 15, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    Hi Chris,

    So I’m new at your site and I’ve been reading your articles (which I absolutely looooove, by the way) anyway, so me and my ex broke up a month ago and we were together for a year and 3 months. He said he needed to fix himself and it wasn’t working out. Obviously, I made the mistake of trying to talk him out of it and failed. And he agreed on this ultimatum that if by December we were both still single, we could maybe try again. He kept insisting he’d have a girlfriend by then. Anyway during week 1, I came over and got my things but it got too late to come home and I slept over. We slept together. We both ended up regretting it. The same happened during the second week. But he said he didn’t regret it anymore. By the third week, we were gonna see a movie together and he insists on me still sleeping over. He was really sweet with me, it was just like before. He said that it was just like our old relationship, minus the label and communication. By week 4, the sweetness continued and he’s been saying he loves me and constantly kissing me and cuddling me up at night and we laugh a lot. It’s been amazing, but as usual, I tried to him about what were we and he shut down again. And eventually we agreed to break off the ultimatum of December. And he said that communication has been our main problem (because we were in a long distance relationship). He agreed that our label was that we were dating but we can still see other people. He actually let me stay over at his place for an entire week tho with being sweet to me and all. Then recently, we talked over alcohol and he told he his “iloveyou” s were only as a friend and he’s not that attracted to me anymore sexually that much and he wants to have sex with other women and he doesn’t want monogamy anymore and he just doesn’t want anything serious for quite some time. It really stung when he said that but I’m proud of the fact i didn’t break down, i was even laughing when he said those and putting in some jokes. But i need your help, is it too late or risky to start no contact? And why is he being so hot and cold with his actions? I don’t know what he means and what he doesnt. He said he just really wants to be friends and he doesn’t want this to work anymore. Please help me, thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:36 pm

      Hi Katherine…your ex seems to have an immature or selfish view of relationships. Maybe he just said some stupid things and will soon realize the error of his ways. I think you should employ no contact. Go pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” and check out the other tools and resources on my home page as they will help direct you.

  6. Jess

    August 11, 2018 at 11:08 pm

    Hello! My situation is very different; my ex and I dated in high school for nearly a year 2.5 years ago. When he broke up with me I was heartbroken, and made some desperate attempts to talk about what had happened, but he “just wanted to be friends.” He dated another girl a few months later, then left on a two-year religious mission. About two months into his trip, he sought out my email and began talking to me again. He broke up with the other girl and apologized for his behavior when our relationship ended. For the next two years we were in as close of contact as possible, emailing and sharing photos once a week, and he even reminisced about the great times we’d had when we were together. He also made future plans for things we’d do when he returned and trips he’d take to see me at college. He never said he wanted to be in a relationship again, but it got my hopes up. He returned nearly a month ago. Initially, he seemed very happy to see me. He brought me a gift from his mission and immediately began texting me when he got a phone. I spent two casual evenings with him, playing sports and talking. Each time he’d say he’d had a great time and we should do it again. I was really happy, I’d missed him! However, contact has dropped. We don’t maintain conversation over text, and I haven’t seen him in about two weeks. A mutual friend ran into him and (unbeknownst to me) asked him what was going on between us, and he replied that he doesn’t feel “that way” about me anymore, that we’re friends. He will go to college in a few weeks, and I’m frustrated that I’ve messed up the two years of progress we’d made in the short time he has been home. Maybe he was just lonely while he was away? I don’t expect him to suddenly ask me for a long-distance committed relationship or anything, but I’d like the door to be open. I think it’s good for us to be going on dates with new people, but I want to be in the back of his mind like he is in mine. I can’t decide if I should sit down and talk with him about the situation and ask his expectations (and likely get completely shut down), or if I should continue trying to work on it.

  7. Beth

    August 9, 2018 at 2:56 pm

    So… when my ex and I broke up (after 2.5 years) he asked if we could still be friends. I told him “no, if we break up this might be the last time you ever hear from me”. We broke up in person and I was the one to finally end it. He had given up trying to help the relationship and just didn’t see a way out. He said I was his best friend and he didn’t want to loose me. I started NC that night (12 days ago).

    Did I blow it?

  8. H

    August 8, 2018 at 10:08 pm

    Hey chris.
    My ex boyfriend and I broke up a week ago after we got back from a trip. We were together for almost 6 months. But around three months he started tell me he wanted to be alone. That he wasnt ready for a relationship. I tried to be reasonable with him because his last girlfriend treated him very bad. I’ve always tried to be patient and see his side of things and work on it together. But it’s like the more I tried the less interested he became. He told me we couldn’t go to California for my birthday because he was low on cash. But then later that week he bought a plane ticket to Panama to see his family. I wasnt invited. I got really upset. Then a week later he was invited to go on a cruise by his boss at work. He asked if I could come but said if I couldn’t he was going anyways. I couldn’t go and was devastated. I had asked him if he saw any kind of future with me. And he said he didnt know. That he was focused on himself and he knew that wasnt fair to me. So I told him we could take it one day at a time. He went on his cruise. And he messaged me the best he could and called when he made it back super excited. He said he missed me.Two weeks ago I asked him the question again about our future. He responded the same. So I told him we could date two more weeks and we could talk about what It meant for our relationship. He said he didnt want to wait two weeks. That as soon as we got back from the beach we were through. So when we left for the beach we had a great time. He was super supportive and loving. He had never acted quite that attracted to me before and i thought maybe he was changing his mind. But on the way home he said his mind hadn’t changed. I started crying and realized shortly after he was crying too. So several days later while arguing I called him and I told him I understood he was scared and had dreams. That I knew he loved me but he was holding himself back in life because he wouldn’t decide on anything to go after. He agreed with me. He said I knew his feelings better than anyone. He told me that there was nothing wrong with me. That I was a good woman. He just didnt like the arguing we would have because of his trips and how it made me feel that he didnt include me. He said he didnt want me to blame myself because it wasnt my fault. That he needed to be alone. He wasnt ready to be with someone. I’m on day 4 of no contact after I told him I felt he was making a mistake. The few times I called or texted him after the split he wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. Asking if I was going to a party. Etc etc. Which I thought was odd. And on Instagram I made it where he couldn’t see my stories for 2 days and he did the same thing to me when I realized it. When I took the block off he did the same. I feel like it’s a game. He was always very good to me but he was very contradictory. Which tells me he’s unsure about what he wants. I have your books I’m just unsure about what approach to take on someone who feels this isnt a mistake. Please explain to me what has been telling me. What’s really going on? I thought maybe he was cheating but he insists that isnt it.

  9. Lauren

    August 8, 2018 at 6:30 am

    My ex broke up with me 3 days ago after 6 months together (we had usual couple silly arguments but the majority of time we were great) he said he didn’t know what he wanted and thinks he should be with someone who’s opposite of him (not like me: easy going and chilled out). He wants to go back to Spain in a year or 2 and doesn’t think it’s realistic I’d be able to go because I can’t speak Spanish. He thinks he can do better than me (that’s my analysis) he’s never been with anyone longer than 4 months so I think he’s just freaking out cos it was getting serious. He said he might realise he’s an idiot. He text me to tell me he feels likes absolute shit and called me my nickname. I have to go pick up my stuff from his on Sunday (a week after he dumped me) should I do no contact from them? Should I make sure I look amazing and be really happy when I speak to him? Should I do no contact? Is it worth it? Do you think he likes me and he’s just freaking out?

  10. Hal

    August 7, 2018 at 3:07 pm

    Hey chris,
    My ex boyfriend and I broke up last week. I asked him if he saw a future with me and he said idk. We ended up taking a beach trip together and had an amazing time. But when we got back he broke up with me. We both cried. He said he wants to be alone. I am confused. He told me that I am an amazing person and it wasnt my fault. He just wants to be alone. He said he isnt ready for a relationship. Can you tell me what this means and what I should do? I believe what we had was real. We talked on the phone up until i started no contact two days ago. He kept asking me what i was doing and where i was going when i called so I started no contact because I’m confused. since then he has his privacy settings on Instagram where I cant see his stories. Is he just scared or did he really mean he wants to be alone? Please help.

  11. Lauren

    August 6, 2018 at 7:48 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday after 6 months. We had a good relationship. He’s never been with anyone longer than 4 months before and freaked out a couple of times with me before (classic commitment phobe) he said this is for the best, he thinks he should be with someone who’s opposite of him and compliments him. He has these unrealistically high expectations that I don’t meet. He says he’s confused, he doesn’t know what he wants & he might realise he’s an idiot but for now it’s for the best. After I left he text me calling me my nickname to say I left my stuff at his & then he text me again later asking if I’m okay I didn’t read either message… my question is do you think he’s serious? Is t really just that I’m not good enough and he can do better ? Do I do NC once I’ve got my stuff back?

  12. Lauren

    August 6, 2018 at 7:43 am

    Hi Amor,

    My ex broke up with me yesterday after 6 months together. He’s never been with anyone longer than 4 months before and isn’t good with feelings (aka a commitment phobe) he’s freaked out before and said he knows he’s freaking out but this time he said it’s for the best that we break up. He thinks the grass is greener & that he should have someone who is the opposite of him. He said he doesn’t know what he wants and he may realise he’s an idiot for breaking up with me but this is right thing for now (we had a great relationship & we had a lovely night together before he did this the next day) he says he’s selfish and I said he has these unrealistically high expectations and thinks he can find better.l when we’re all human so he won’t. He kept saying he cares about me. After he text me calling me my nickname to say i left stuff at his. Then he text me a while later again to ask if I’m okay? I didn’t read either message or reply. Do you really think he’s serious? That all his reasons are an excuse and I’m just not good enough? Should I do NC (once I get my stuff back) ?

  13. Μ.

    August 3, 2018 at 9:18 am

    I know I must calm down, I’m quite better now. It ‘s just I see I don ‘ t have any chance, tryied many things but didn t work. And some random girl comes and has it all. How Am I supposed to turn the attention to me when I ve already tried so many things!?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 4, 2018 at 3:10 am

      I am proud of you M. Knowing is half the battle. Part of it is not dwelling on the past and embracing activities that take you forward. You should also consider my Private Facebook Support Group. Go to my home page to find more about it.

  14. m

    August 2, 2018 at 5:07 pm

    I’ m here writing about a boy again even though I ve promised myself I wouldn t. It s a boy from my village, always liked him but seemed so far away and the kind of chasing girls.Until 2 years ago he comes out of sudden where I was siting with my girlfriends and aks “accidentaly” who am i. Days after he reaches me at a cafe and asks if i’d like to meet him tonight. I was going through a difficult period and said to myself to say yes and give more chances without pushing situations and worry. i really thought it was a one time thing . turns out i really liked him and every now and then he texted me to meet. Eventually i invited him home since I was alone. After some days he came without telling me and rings my bell. he does come and check my house without telling me.Sometimes he opens up to me , talked me about his past,that he had a long relantionship that he can t get over. Also told me that with me it s not just sex but love. Even so when I leave from there he rarerly talks to me on fb or like my posts. Sometimes asks when I will come again, but lately he never talks to me or even say hi in public. Last time we met he was asking me things like if i had done something with someone else, if i have brought other guys at home, other time aked what was going on with some guy that was talking to me and things like that, but when i asked if he had done something with someone else he said yes and asked if it did matter. I didn t reply. He didnt talk to me or wished for my birthday.Now that i m here again for summer holidays he saw me my first week here when i was out saturday night and i returned home he showed up minutes after saying “i thought you would return this time”. It was really late,he stayed very little time And when he left said that we will talk again and “goodnight”. He hadhad to say goodnight since the first times we met. But a month passed and so sign of him. And to make matters worse, a girl we hang out with brought another girl here and immediately he talked to her,she gave him herfb,instagram in frond of me while i was trying to ignore him and he was talking to my friend next to me(?), he asked her go for an evening bath at the sea and next day he was out with them for coffee for hours,at the same cafe i was in. And im sure thethey were out together at night too… I m very devastated. He never sawed that kind of interest on me! Never invited me somewhere and he seems to talk to literally every girl but me! I don t know what to do! I m so frustrated i didn t sleep at all all night. I really havent talked to anyone about all this so i cant ask for any help or anything…please help me

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 3, 2018 at 12:26 am

      Hi M!

      I am sorry you are struggling, but remember, the focus is always to heal yourself first and find your emotional balance. Then you can make better decisions. Utilize the resources here on the site as my advice, ebooks, and tools will show you how you can take care of your personal recovery needs.

  15. Wishful Thinker

    August 1, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My situation is different and something I’m struggling to navigate through. I have a newly open marriage (married for 10 years) and I met a guy in an online open relationship group. We were long distance but feelings developed fast and heavy. After a week he was saying I was his girlfriend but then clarified that after our first meeting in person we would be dating as long as things went well. I told him I loved him first and he was happy he said but not ready to tell me that. Then a few days later we he said he can’t be with me and had been comparing me to his ex wife which caused him to end things. He saw similar traits in me and her and would call me the nice version of her but it bothered me he did that as she was abusive to him and I was not. We just shared similar thoughts about housework, normal things. The day after that happened we talked and I said it was unfair how he treated me and he agreed and asked to start over. We did. Things were great. We met and things were amazing. We missed each other and then we had a last minute visit and that’s when things were weird. He seemed distracted. He said he was ok but I knew something was not right. He had told me he felt he couldn’t be himself lately with me but I had been working on what was bothering him and he was proud of me. He said he loved me and thinks were great now that we had talked. Then after I got back from visiting him he broke up with me. I was devastated. I cried and cried and he said he never loved me and only said it because he thought it’s what I wanted to hear. I felt used and betrayed. Then he hung up on me part way through the call and when I tried calling back thinking the call dropped, I was blocked. My number and on Facebook. I finally was able reach him but he freaked on me and said he would talk to me in a few if he felt like talking. I was so hurt. My ex has a gf, still lives with his ex wife and has a friend I was worried about who entered his life after me that was just not sitting right. I didn’t care for her because of past drama surrounding her. Anyway, when we broke up a week later his friend messaged me saying to stop dragging things out. I hadn’t talked to him since the breakup. His gf was shocked he broke up with me and the way he did it. She even asked him to reach out to me. He said he was willing to talk when ready. That was 3 weeks ago. I even apologized to this friend because I didn’t like her. she asked me what I wanted exactly after our conversation and I said to talk to him. She said he needs time. He told his gf he felt bad for hurting me but why not tell me? I sent him an email asking to talk and I respect his choice not to date me anymore but I miss our friendship. I’m worried about him and his state of well-being. I did everything for him and he threw me away. He lets his ex wife treat him like crap, stay in the home and gets rid of me because I did too much for him and cared about him. Makes no sense. I don’t know what to do. Why did he block me? Say he never loved me? We were together for 2.5 months. I know, it was an intense connection for us both.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 2, 2018 at 3:20 am

      Hi Wishful Thinker….sometimes guys just say stupid things. Its like almost in their DNA. I is hateful to tell someone you have been very close to that you don’t love him.

  16. Nahla

    July 30, 2018 at 8:02 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I been together for 4 months and recently this month he broke up with me twice once on July 5th then we got back together July 7th we was suppose to be starting our relationship over and then 9 days later he broke up with me again on July 16th I’ve been very depressed about it because I love him so much I reached out to him today and he told me he wants nothing to do with me and doesn’t want to give it another try so just please leave him alone and I’m so hurt by it because how can he go from loving me to hating me I feel that he hates me even though he said he never hated me but just his actions is hurtful…I just want to be with him and only him so does he mean what he say of him
    Not wanting nothing to do with me is there any hope for us

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 31, 2018 at 12:44 am

      Hi Nahla!

      That was pretty harsh thing for him to say to you, but know that some guys say stupid things they don’t really mean. They can be operating from a place of anger. I think a period of no contact and doing all the things to focus your needs and also advance your ex back plan should be your focus. Go to my website home page and tap into all the resources I make available to people there. You need an organized plan to advance your chances.

  17. Buttercup

    July 29, 2018 at 11:17 am

    My ex boyfriend dumped me to go back to his ex girlfriend. Before I left home I found out I was pregnant and he knew about it but denies it now .
    Since his with this girlfriend. I have been enduring all kinds of emotional and verbal abuse from her and him.They would call and say mean and horrible words.He would say in front of the girl that I need “dick in my life” his saying im so obsessed with him have threatned to kill myself.

    My blood pressure is so high. I was told if I don’t calm down I would lose the baby. This whole situation has affect me and the unborn child
    He doesn’t have a child and he choses to abuse us cause of his gf.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 29, 2018 at 3:51 pm

      Hi Buttercup….I love the name you chose! I am sorry your ex dumped you to chase after an old flame. Perhaps it will result in a rebound considering their past history, though I don’t know if you would ever want this guy back considering his abuse. What is important going forward is your health and emotional healing. You should implement total no contact immediately and reach out to your family and loved ones for emotional support. Go visit my home page and check into my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as much of it is about your personal recovery.

  18. Rimi

    April 25, 2018 at 5:22 pm


    Me and the ex dated for about two years. My mom isn’t very fond of him and she brewed a bit of trouble by sending him a message towards the starting of the relationship asking him to stay away from me(she has severe anxiety and anger issues). We initially had turbulence basis the message but we work it out and plan to get married.
    Anyway fast forward two years, I somehow manage to sooth things out with my family and get him to meet my folks. Since I come from an Indian background parents are quite involved in the marriage plans. My family meets his family and suggestion to finalise the dates comes up. His family doesn’t get back on the dates and my mother in spite of anger tells the ex that she isn’t supportive of th marriage if things keep panning out like this. Ex breaks up two weeks later despite me trying to apologize on behalf of my mother and gradually my parents respectively apologizing as well. Tried reasoning with him but it’s like a dead end. He keeps on telling me that I did not stand up for him and how my Mom will keep intervening in our relationship and I did not respect him which is why my mother got away with the messages.
    My question is that is this relationship even worth savjng? It seems to me that either he is running away from conflict or wasn’t invested enough and this is just a reason to call it quits.
    A bit of background-1 before dating me he was engaged to someone else(it was an arranged set up) and he ended it within three months. We started dating almost 9months of this event. 2. We have been in LDR since November last year when he got a job overseas.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 25, 2018 at 11:13 pm

      Hi Rimi…I think its worth exploring. It it doesn’t work out, then at least you will not have any regrets that you didn’t give it the best chance possible to succeed. Since families are involved in all this, it does make things a bit more complicated so let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he is the right guy for you. Maybe he isn’t. Time will tell and it seems like you have good instincts, so I think you will know in due time. Meanwhile, if you want to optimize your chances of getting back with him, I would advise you pick up a copy of my comprehensive ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro (go to website Menu/Products link). It will serve as your Companion Guide throughout this whole process. Let me know how it goes Rimi!

  19. Sara L

    April 24, 2018 at 9:33 pm

    “My Ex couldn’t commit. He didn’t feel a strong enough connection with you. He had a really bad past relationship causing commitment issues”

  20. Eva

    March 27, 2018 at 2:20 pm

    My Ex ..On OFF LDR… said all of these… at the moment he broke up again but his behaviour more and more changes.

    he said he doesnt see a future with me and that I shouldnt bother him any more and he wants to go the easy way.

    he is very sensitive..if not a committment phobe…and I have the feeling I hurt and scared him.
    after being a text gnat over the years it got better but now I got a small flash back unfortunately.

    I dont know what he means becauaw two days before split up we were super happy and fine.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:40 am

      May I ask you a question.

      You mention that you and your ex are in an on/off again relationship.

      Tell me about the previous times you got “on” again. How did you accomplish that?

    2. Eva

      April 3, 2018 at 11:04 am

      Hey Chris. well mostly waited bit after stopping gnatting (I read your advices a lot ;))and then talks and understanding and trying to built rapport.He needs a lot of understanding it seems.
      This time he came back after a huge apology from his side. he even considered to marry me..I was the one, but I am still sensitive and raw,my trust is very broken. Yet we tried.
      After a fight that i initiated this morning over something stupid (it was stupid and I tried to apologise), he snapped and blocked me everywhere. He then gets verbally abusive.
      Every new off time it gets worse his reactions get more extreme. I am tired atm.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 1:10 am

      It’s kind of like quicksand, right?

      You feel like you are finally out of it and then it pulls you down again. I have been in a relationship like this before.

      I think it’s important to have clear boundaries set. Sometimes men need consequences if they mistreat you.

    4. Eva

      April 11, 2018 at 4:41 pm

      Oh yes I completely agree (nice picture with the sand 🙂 the more I think about it!)
      But how to make clear boundaries, when fear of his mood is huge and due to the tiring patterns? I am too empathic and understanding with him!

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 10:58 pm

      Hi Eva. I consider empathy a wonderful quality. It is usually the glue that makes relationships work. So you must be a wonderful person! Yep, moody people can wear on you. Just layout out your expectations and hold firm, then focus yourself on other things, like yourself and becoming the best YOU. However this turns out, you are going to be just fine. That I know.

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