When I look at breakups as a whole there seems to be one common theme that is consistent no matter the situation.

They bring out the worst in people.

It’s really not that much of a stretch if you really think about it though.

For example, a break up can make someone do any of the following,

Cry…

Yell…

Hurt inside…

Be Depressed…

Beg…

Basically you can name any negative emotion known to man and a break up probably can make you feel it.

So, when you put any human being in a situation where they are feeling these emotions they are probably going to say and do things that they really don’t mean.

Or do they?

Well, that is what we are going to be exploring today.

Welcome to Ex Boyfriend Recovery. This little community was created by yours truly,

yours truly

To help women navigate their breakups and help them increase their chances of getting their ex boyfriends back.

Your still looking at the body builder picture huh?

I have a weird sense of humor so you’ll have to forgive me.

Though I do like to keep things light here at EBR (Ex Boyfriend Recovery) since I have always found that laughter is the best medicine for healing a broken heart and your heart might be a little broken right now.

So hey, I am more than happy to make a fool out of myself for your amusement if it turns that frown upside down.

But I digress…

The real reason you are here today is to figure out what your ex boyfriend means when he says something to you.

This Page Is The First Of It’s Kind

A few days ago a thought entered my head.

The thought?

Wouldn’t it be cool if there was something that served as a cheat sheet for women that would help them decipher what their ex meant when he said something.

For example, if an ex boyfriend said something like, “I fell out of love with you” wouldn’t it be cool if there was some sort of guide that a woman could reference to figure out what he really meant when he said that.

I mean, there are tons of things he could mean by that.

Let’s try another one.

I am sure you have heard the classic, “it’s not you, it’s me” line before?

its not you its me

Well, what does a man really mean when he says that to you?

So, like any curious person I went to Google to see if such a guide had been created and after searching around for 10 minutes (not a very long search i’ll admit) I couldn’t find anything.

That brings us to now.

I am going to create that type of a guide for you.

Seriously, ME, an actual guy is going to tell you what your ex boyfriend really means when he says things to you.

Pretty cool, huh?

Every breakup reason.

Every booty call.

EVERYTHING he says to you is finally going to be explained no holds barred.

Are you scared?

You should be.

No, I am just kidding.

Let’s move on and take a look at the topics I am going to be covering.

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The Format Of This Page

format of the meme

This page is going to be formatted in a specific way.

First I am going to talk about the “what your ex boyfriend says” portion of the section and then I am going to go into the “what he really means” portion of the section and give an in-depth explanation of what your ex boyfriend really means when he says things to you.

What “things” am I going to be covering?

  • “I hate you”
  • “Never talk to me again.”
  • “It’s not you, it’s me.”
  • “I never really loved you.”
  • “We will never get back together.”

I saved the best for last 😉 .

If you think of any to add then feel free to leave a comment in the comments section of this article and I will revisit this page sometime down the road and update it with new things you ladies are probably wondering about.

Shall we begin?

We do have a lot of ground to cover.

Your Ex Says He Hates You

I hate you

(Jeez… Chill out Anakin.)

I want you to do me a favor for a second here.

(Really this is a favor for yourself)

Scroll back up to the top of this page and read the introduction section.

Do you remember what I said there?

I said that breakups tend to bring out the worst in people.

After all, there is a reason that they compare losing a job to going through a break up, it sucks.

So, when you place a man (who is more aggressive than a woman) in a situation where he is going to be hurt/upset then it isn’t shocking to hear the words, “I hate you,” come out of his mouth.

Take me for example, I am a pretty nice guy.

I always do my best to treat people with the utmost respect and I was raised to always respect women.

Open doors…

Pay for meals…

You know, all that good stuff.

Yet, when you take me back to my very first relationship way back when I was a kiddo in high school I am pretty sure that when the inevitable break up did happen (and high school breakups are often inevitable) I muttered the words, “I hate you,” to my ex.

But did I mean it?

Actually, you know what?

Take me out of the equation entirely.

Do men mean it when they say they hate you?

What Does He Mean When He Says “I Hate You?”

what does this mean

Lets tackle this question as logically as we can.

Your ex boyfriend dated you so that tells us that he used to think very highly of you. I mean, I don’t know too many men that go into dating someone thinking,

“I don’t like her.”

Throughout your time together he probably told you,

He loved you…

Cared for you…

That you were his “one and only…”

I think you get the idea with what I am going for here.

So, when you take this into account I am relatively certain that your ex boyfriend doesn’t truly hate you.

What he is really saying is that he hates what has happened to your relationship.

He hates the situation.

He hates the way it makes him feel.

He hates the pain.

And since you are associated with the pain he is feeling you are going to get blamed by association.

Hence the, “I hate you” mantra he has adopted.

Above I mentioned that I may have muttered the words, “I hate you” to the very first girlfriend I had way back in high school. Now, I know a high school relationship that happened close to ten years ago isn’t exactly going to bring earth shattering revelations but bear with me here as I try to make my point.

Do you think I meant it when I said it?

Of course not.

I hated the way I was feeling.

I hated having a failed relationship and all that depressing stuff I mentioned above (with the pain and all that.)

But I also knew that it would hurt my ex girlfriend if I said it to her and since I wasn’t exactly what you would call a seasoned veteran when it came to handling breakups yet I wasn’t above revenge.

This is horrible for me to admit but I was young so you have to realize the immature mentality I had.

I literally thought to myself,

“What can I say to my ex girlfriend to make her feel as horrible as I feel right now? Hmm.. I know, I will tell her that I hate her and I wish I had never met her. That will hurt her.”

That’s not a very mature way of handling things is it?

The important takeaway that I want you to take from this negative experience that I am sharing is that most men don’t mean it when they say they hate you. Instead they are just projecting on how they feel about the situation they are currently in.

Of course, some men will say it with the intentions of hurting you as well.

So, there are really two things that men are trying to say when they say they hate you.

  1. I hate you = I hate the situation
  2. I hate you = I hope this hurts you so you can feel how I feel

Lets move on to another ex boyfriend favorite,

“Never talk to me again.”

Your Ex Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

talk to me

There are really two situations that spring to mind when I hear from a woman who is wondering if her boyfriend really means it when he tells her to never contact him again.

  1. The couple got into a bad fight that culminated in the man saying “never talk to me again.”
  2.  The woman constantly bugs the guy and he gets so fed up that he tells her to never talk to him again.

In order to fully understand what an ex boyfriend really means when he says never talk to me again we must first understand exactly what these situations look like.

Situation 1- A Bad Fight Results In The Man Telling The Woman To Never Talk To Him Again

Lets do our first role play!

Lets pretend that I am your boyfriend and the two of us got into a massive fight over your cat.

Fun Fact: I am definitely not a cat person (I’m allergic) so I can definitely see myself getting into a fight with someone over a cat.

So, we go back and forth over your cat and the fight starts to evolve as bad fights usually do. What started out as a “friendly” sparring session over you cat turns ugly when we drag all kinds of unrelated things into the fight.

My parents… (HOW DARE YOU)

Your parents…

My gigantic muscles… (seen above)

How the house never gets cleaned…

How I never take out the trash.

(You get the idea)

The fight gets so bad that we break up over it.

A few days pass after the break up and you attempt to reach out to me.

“Hey..”

What is my response?

“I thought I told you to never talk to me again.”

What the heck do I mean by that?

Well, I will tell you in a second but first lets tackle the second situation I see a lot of when it comes to men saying, “never talk to me again,” to their ex girlfriends.

Situation 2- You Annoy Your Ex So Much After The Breakup That He Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

Lets stick with the cat example above since we had so much fun with that.

So, the two of us used to date and we broke up due to a horrible fight over your cat.

cat

After the breakup you realize that you made a horrible mistake and you want me back.

(It’s about time you came to your senses.)

Well, your strategy for getting me back involves messaging me about 30 times a day and calling me about 10.

Obviously I like the attention at first but then it gets to be a little too much and I begin to resent you for it.

Eventually your efforts get so out of hand that I can’t stand to hear from you anymore.

It is only when I am pushed to this point that I lay down the law.

“Don’t talk to me anymore.”

What It Means When An Ex Boyfriend Tells You To Never Talk To Him Again

what does that even mean

Obviously since I divided this particular topic up into two different situations,

  1. The couple got into a bad fight that culminated in the man saying “never talk to me again.”
  2.  The woman constantly bugs the guy and he gets so fed up that he tells her to never talk to him again.

There are two completely different meanings behind an ex saying “never talk to me again.”

Just like above I am going to divide this section up into two categories,

  1. What it means when an ex says “never talk to me again” in situation 1
  2. What it means when an ex says “never talk to me again” in situation 2

Lets start off on a good note first and talk about category number one!

What It Means When Your Ex Boyfriend Says “Never Talk To Me Again” In Situation 1

For those of you who have horrible memories situation 1 is a situation in which you and your ex boyfriend get into a massive fight and the fight is culminated with our five favorite words,

“Don’t talk to me again.”

The thing that you really have to keep in mind here is the fact that your ex is saying this from a highly emotional state.

Breakups have this funny ability to make even the nicest of people turn into angry lunatics.

(Seriously, I have seen it firsthand.)

So, if you got caught in the crossfire of a heated breakup and your boyfriend said this to you then don’t take it personally.

I am sure if he was honest with himself he really doesn’t mean it.

Besides, I can probably give you hundreds of examples where an ex boyfriend said this to an ex girlfriend and then HE ends up being the one that gets in contact with her.

Now, if you are wondering what is going on in his mind to make him say this in the heat of the moment then look no further than the curious case of emotional states.

I don’t care how “well behaved” a man is.

If you push a man hard enough you can always get him to say things he doesn’t mean.

We are dealing with a real life human being here and human beings are imperfect. They are going to say things they don’t mean from time to time. This is especially true if you get into a bad fight with one.

What it all boils down to is the emotional state that your ex boyfriend was in when he said “never talk to me again.”

Since we are looking specifically at him AFTER a fight you can bet good money on the fact that he was in a very negative emotional state and as a result he is going to say things that aren’t very logical.

In other words, he doesn’t mean it when he says “never talk to me again.”

But what about the other situation?

Good question!

What It Means When An Ex Says “Never Talk To Me Again” In Situation 2

Situation 2 is vastly different than situation 1.

It looks specifically at a scenario where you (the ex girlfriend) goes a little crazy and contacts him too much.

How does that look?

Here’s a good example,

crazy annoying

Notice how this girl, Cordelia, is sending waaaayyyyy too many messages to her ex boyfriend.

(Cordelia is a Buffy reference by the way 😉 .)

Though that’s not all that Cordelia is doing.

In addition to sending a bunch of unanswered texts she is also calling her ex boyfriend up.

Of course, holding true to his form he ignores the calls.

missed call

In fact, Cordelia is acting is being so annoying to him that he sends her what she considers to be the kiss of death,

dont talk to me again

There it is…

“Don’t talk to me again.”

But do you think her ex boyfriend means it?

Yes he does…

BUT ONLY IN EXTREME CASES.

I am going to tell you the story of a girl that I went out on a date with a long time ago.

Now, I did not have a relationship with this girl but the same principle is going to apply.

The two of us went out on one date and after some thinking on my part I decided to inform her in a subtle way that I was not interested in her. Now, I didn’t want to completely cut her out of my life. I was willing to remain friends with her and I explained this to her.

She did not take too kindly to this.

Instead of just remaining friends she treated me like I was some sort of boyfriend that scorned her.

She turned into a “Cordelia.”

Now, I am the kind of person that absolutely hates confrontation so I didn’t want to have to start a fight with her but I knew I was going to have to lay down the law when I got a similar text message to this one day,

crazy text

Just to put this in perspective this wasn’t the first time something like this happened with this particular girl.

It was just the latest (and it was by far the worst.)

It was at this point that my “friendly” nature ceased to exist and Reid (as my wife likes to call him) came out.

Reid is my middle name in case you were wondering.

My wife likes to tease me that any time I get “moody” or “angry” that it’s really Reid and not me.

Well, Reid came out in spades.

reid

This was my way of saying “never talk to me again” and I meant it.

In fact, I went so far that I blocked her number from my phone forever.

So, if you ever needed motivation to stop contacting your ex after the breakup this is it.

Let’s move on.

It’s Not You, It’s Me

invented

Ah, the good ole, “it’s not you, it’s me” line.

I can’t hep it but every time I hear this I always immediately think of George from Seinfield.

(I attached a gif image at the beginning of this article depicting Georgie’s thoughts on this 😉 .)

Anyways, I just had to throw that in.

The thing I would like to turn your attention to when explaining this is that the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” can take many forms.

Too many women think that those exact five words have to be muttered to them for them to be eligible victims and that’s just not true.

The “it’s not you, it’s me” line has many variations.

For example, lets say that the two of us were dating and one day I call you up and say,

“Hey, I had a really good time with you but I’m not feeling this anymore… It’s nothing you did but I think we just need to go our separate ways.”

Believe it or not but the phrase that I just muttered to you over the breakup phone call is a longer variation of the “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Seriously, really take a look at the phrase.

“Hey, I had a really good time with you but I’m not feeling this anymoreIt’s nothing you did but I think we just need to go our separate ways.”

You will noticed that I bolded two parts.

Let’s dissect them.

“I’m not feeling this anymore”

By an ex saying this to you he is making you aware that he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore. That much is common sense. What you may not realize though is that by him saying “I’m not feeling this anymore” he is satisfying the “it’s me” part of the “it’s not you, it’s me” phrase we are dissecting in this section.

Lets move on the second part.

“It’s nothing you did”

Not too hard to dissect this one.

Your ex is basically telling you that you didn’t do anything to make him leave.

He’s informing you that you are innocent in this.

“It’s not you..”

Do you see what happened here?

I am waiting for a million light bulbs to go off…

The entire phrase above basically flip flopped the “it’s not you, it’s me” parts into “it’s me, it’s not you.”

It’s just harder to see since it is disguised cleverly around a lot of words but if you look hard enough (the bold parts) you will see it.

Lets move on to the fun part and dissect what your ex boyfriend really means if he gives you the Seinfeld excuse.

What He Means When He Says “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

Your ex boyfriend is a liar and I am going to prove why.

Let’s do a fun little exercise.

You know your boyfriend pretty well, right?

Which celebrity does he have a small crush on?

(Since I can’t hear your answers I am just going to have to make up one for you.)

Lets say that your boyfriend has a massive crush on Megan Fox (since she seems to be everyone’s definition of “hot” right now.)

Megan Fox Wallpapers

Alright, so lets say that your ex boyfriend is dating the woman of his dreams, Megan Fox.

Realistically can you picture him telling Megan Fox, “it’s not you, it’s me?”

I can’t…

Heck, I can’t even picture him breaking up with her.

Look, any many who gives you this sch-peel of “it’s not you, it’s me” is lying to you.

What he is really trying to tell you is that “it’s you, it’s not me.”

Men don’t leave women who they think are worth it. They leave the women they think aren’t worth it. They leave the women that they think they can do better than.

Picture a scale of 1-10.

1-10

Let’s say that when your ex boyfriend first started dating you he determined that you were an 8 on the scale,

1-10

As your relationship goes on he lowers your value to a 6

1-10 copy

Well, in his mind he is going to think “I can do better than her” at this point and that is where to start to see the “it’s not you’s, it’s me” come into play.

The truth is that in his mind it is you.

“It’s not me, it’s you” = “It’s you, it’s not me”

I Never Really Loved You…

never

OUCH!

If your ex boyfriend mutters these words to you then I imagine it must sting pretty badly.

I mean, saying “I love you” to someone and meaning it in that deep personal way is a big deal. So, to hear that your ex boyfriend could potentially be throwing all of that out the window is especially painful.

To be honest I am not sure that this one requires too much of a buildup.

Your ex boyfriend says “I never really loved you” to you…

There, build up done!

Lets move…

Actually, you know what?

I just thought of something.

Let’s generalize this.

If you really think about it an ex boyfriend who says that he never really loved you is probably doing so during a highly emotional moment. So, when I start explaining what he really means when he says this to you I want to operate under the assumption that he is in a highly emotional situation.

What constitutes as a high emotional situation?

  • A breakup
  • A fight
  • Anything like these situations (I couldn’t think of anymore :p )

Ok, lets move on and dissect this one.

What It Means If He Told You That He Never Really Loved You

does it mean

This situation is very similar to situation number 1 when a boyfriend tells you to never talk to him again.

If you recall, in that situation an ex doesn’t really mean it. He is just reacting to the situation he is in (which is highly emotional.)

Well, this situation is very similar to that except there is a small twist.

In my opinion, if an ex boyfriend tells you that he never really loved you he is just doing so to hurt your feelings and doesn’t really mean it at all.

Lets look at things from his perspective for a moment.

He is going through a breakup.

The two of you are probably fighting a lot.

He isn’t as good at handling his emotions as you are.

(In case you missed it I have talked multiple times at how men are more physical and woman are more emotional and this helps women handle their emotions better than men.)

Oh, and if you were the one that broke up with your ex boyfriend then it adds that extra little cherry on top.

From your ex boyfriends perspective you are the villain and what do men generally do when they come across a villain?

They try to hurt them and knock them down a peg.

So, what is the best way of accomplishing this?

Saying something super hurtful to you.

I never really loved you” seems to do quite nicely in this circumstance, huh?

Thousands of women come to this site every single day and every single day they freak out over stuff like this. The truth of the matter is that I don’t even take it that seriously. I just look at it as an ex boyfriend trying to say something hurtful.

Deep down he doesn’t really mean it.

“I never really loved you” = What can I say to hurt her the most?

We Will Never Get Back Together

getting back together

I saved the best for last.

This is probably the whole reason you wanted to read this article anyways, right?

Heck, I wouldn’t even be shocked if you just scrolled straight down to this section and skipped all the others.

I will say one thing.

Without a doubt this is one of the top questions that I get asked on a daily basis.

Usually it goes a little something like this,

“Chris, my boyfriend told me that we have no chance of getting back together with him, ZERO. Do you think he’s right? Is it over for me?”

This is a question I can’t wait to tackle in-depth.

So, rather than spend 500 words setting this up I am just going to get right down to the meat of this.

What He Really Means When He Says You Two Will Never Get Back Together

text mean

Lets take a big view of exes in general.

More specifically, the industry I am currently a part of.

What if I were to tell you that this is a million dollar industry?

What if I were to tell you that your beloved Ex Boyfriend Recovery site is still a small fish in a big pond?

Would you believe me?

Well, it’s true.

There are hundreds of so called experts out there that are trying to capitalize on your dollars.

Now, that may be a scary thing for you to hear since the last thing you want is to be taken advantage of.

Oh, by the way you should check out my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO 😉 .

No, I am just kidding.

The point I am trying to get at here is that the only reason that this industry is considered “thriving” is because couples do get back together. Heck, couples say the meanest possible things to each other and still get back together.

“I hate you…”

(Back together in a week!)

“Burn in he**”

(Back together in a day!)

“We are never getting back together again”

(Back together in 3 months!)

If your ex boyfriend says that the two of you will never get back together again then I wouldn’t take it to heart because I have seen too much flip flopping in my time to buy into it completely.

Now, lets not completely discredit all men.

There are some that really do mean it when they say we are never getting back together again.

However, in my opinion I think them saying it is really a function of what was done to them in the relationship.

The Importance Of Percentages

I like assigning percentage values to situations based on how high the chances of success are for a reconnection.

This percentage number is assigned based on my personal knowledge and experience seeing a lifetime worth of breakups.

For example, a general breakup would have a 30% chance of a reconnection. What I try to do is help women move that number up substantially.

So, maybe a general breakup percentage starts at 30% but after using my strategies it gets bumped up to 50%.

Of course, not all breakups are created equal.

Some percentage values are much lower than the 30% mark.

For example, if you take two of the hardest situations,

  • Cheating
  • He Gets A New Girlfriend

Instead of those situations starting at the general 30% mark they would start at the 10 – 20% marks respectively.

Obviously these situations are harder to succeed in.

It is in these situations that an ex boyfriend would be more likely to mean it if he said, “we are never getting back together.”

Get it?

No?

Ok, let me dig a little deeper for you.

Lets say that the two of us were dating and you cheated on me with my best friend…

Actually, lets make things worse and say that I walked in on you and him in bed together.

Ok, not only would that scar/mess me up for life but if I would say, “we are never getting back together,” to you then I would mean it.

It’s these extreme situations that have a low percentage of success that you have to watch out for. Those are the types of situations where an ex boyfriend could mean it if he says that he never wants to get back with you.

Here’s a quick rundown of the situations where he could say “we are never getting back together” and mean it.

  • He cheated on you
  • You cheated on him
  • He gets a new girlfriend

Now, before I finish this article up finally I want to make sure that you fully grasp what I am telling you here.

It is only in the most extreme situations where he might really mean what he is saying.

So, what it all boils down to is a function of how severe the damage during the relationship was to him.

We Are Never Getting Back Together = If you hurt me too much during the relationship I could mean this

Of course, I have also helped women get back with their exes in all the situation above so technically nothing is set in stone…

Just saying.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

WHY HE SAID I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN

hurt you

What the HECK?!?!

This is the most mind boggling statement he could make, right?

I’m going to give you the secret as to why he said this! Ready?

He’s just trying to come off as the good guy here. It’s really that simple.

By saying,

“I don’t want to hurt you again”

He is making himself sound like the hero. He’s trying to sound like he’s protecting you but in reality he’s only being selfish.

What a hero, right?

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN?

hurt you

It sounds like some kind of BS line to me. Let’s face it, if he really didn’t want to hurt you again, the solution is simple…

He shouldn’t do anything stupid. 🙂

There are a million different ways that he could hurt you. Let’s take a moment to dissect some of them.

The first one that comes to mind is Cheating.

Well, absolutely that would hurt you, but could he prevent this?

Yes, he most certainly can.

So, the,

“I don’t want to hurt you again” statement doesn’t really hold up here.

What about if he was emotionally abusive?

He could go to therapy and get help. There are many things he could do to try to preserve your relationship instead of backing out and giving you the excuse of,

“I don’t want to hurt you again.”

But in this case I personally believe you should be the one breaking up with him anyway.

He could be afraid of commitment so as the relationship gets closer he is backing away.

You are looking for a life with him.

Marriage, children the whole nine yards but if he’s not ready to commit to you then he may use the line “I don’t want to hurt you again” especially if he’s expressed his feelings on the subject already.

We could go on and on all day about ways he could hurt you but when it comes down to it it’s a way for him to remove himself from the relationship and look like the good guy. Some guys really are that concerned with their image.

How do I know?

Well, I am a guy and I have actually seen this done first hand to a girl before.

YAY STORY TIME!

My best friend in college was what I would classify as a total ladies man. What do I mean by that?

Simple, this guy knew how to get a woman eating out of the palm of his hand. Now, I remember the first time I watched him work his voodoo on a girl I was impressed but after a while it became clear that the girl he worked “said voodoo on” was way more attached to him than he was to her.

Thus, a breakup was inevitable.

But my buddy was so obsessed with being perceived as the “good guy” that he decided to use the,

“I just know that if we keep dating I am going to hurt you and I don’t want that for you”

Line.

Tsk.. Tsk… Tsk….

All so he could protect his good guy image.

WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS

best friends

I want you to take a moment and imagine something for me.

You are living the perfect life. You have a great family, a great job, great friends and a great boyfriend. But one day you notice your boyfriend has a very sad look on his face.

You’ve seen this look before.

It’s the look of a man who is about to deliver some bad news to you.

That’s when he does it.

He breaks up with you.

But he can’t help just adding in this one line…

“We can still be friends.”

You’ve been intimate on every level, emotionally and physically and he wants to be friends!?!?

At that moment it feels like he is trying to stay in your life and that’s good, right? WRONG!

What’s really going on in his head?

Why would he say that?

Does he actually mean it or is he just saying it?

Perhaps he wants to stay friends to have the possibility of getting back together in the future?

These are all questions you are probably found yourself asking.

I am going to give you the low down on all of these unanswered questions and really bring you into the mind of a male.

Are you ready?

It can be a scary place… but the good news is I am going to walk you through it and give you guidance on what to do if he says he just wants to be friends.

WHAT DOES HE MEAN WHEN HE SAYS WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS?

cop out

This is the easiest way for your ex to break up with you. He doesn’t have to hurt your feelings in his mind because he still wants to be friends. It also secures a backup girlfriend in case his “post you” dating escapades don’t work out.

Think of it this way, he’s got you on the sidelines waiting around for him while he does whatever he wants. He may even try a friends with benefits situation down the line.

Take a look at this graphic.

graphic

Through this graphic I am showing you what’s going on in his head.

Your lost in a sea of women.

Just another number.

But there are two ways to break this trick he’s pulling…

The best thing you can do in this situation is to say,

“Sure we can be friends” and then start your no contact.

The second thing is becoming an ungetttable girl. You can read more about becoming an ungettable girl here.

But I will give you a brief description of how to do both here. First off, you will have to go completely ghost on him. Do not answer his texts if he texts you. Don’t answer his calls. Don’t “accidentally” call him. 😉 (I see this happen daily) This is probably the most difficult thing that you are going to have to go through.

Your brain is hardwired to talk to him but like I said above, you can’t. So, I am going to teach you a trick that I don’t think I have ever talked about on Ex Boyfriend Recovery before.

I want you to write down his number on a piece of paper twice.

Put one in your dresser and one in a small lock box.

Now, go out and buy a calendar. It’s important that this calendar is something that you love to look at everyday. There are so many different ones out there, Island paradise calendars, pictures of Europe calendars, puppies, kittens, babies, hot air balloons etc.

Pick one that will make you feel good every time you look at it.

Put your calendar up in plain view where you will see it daily and circle the date that your no contact period is up.

Are you with me so far?

Yes?

No?

Maybe?

So?

Ok, here comes the hard part.

I want you to delete his number!

That’s right, completely delete it from your phone. This way you will not have any temptations or “accidents.” You will still have his number in two different spots so you won’t have to worry about never getting it back again.

Oh and one more thing with regards to no contact.

Do not block him.

I repeat do not block him on anything. That will only make your life way harder. Just don’t answer any texts or calls that are from unknown numbers.

Got it?

Good!

Let’s move on and talk about the ungettable girl.

I want you to take out that same calendar and mark a weekly goal. I want you to put something on there daily and do it.

For example, if you want to look your best maybe you would put:

March 1st- Hair coloring appointment.
March 2nd- Start Gym Membership. (Or specific workouts at home.)
March 3rd- Go to a makeup demo.
March 4th- Paint nails.
March 5th- Join a co-ed indoor soccer team.

You get the point.

Not only will this distract you and give you something to focus on other than your ex, it will give you confidence. You will look and feel your best!

The other part to being an ungettable girl is to become the girl that every man wants.

Even if you technically aren’t there are specific ways to portray this persona.

For example, when you finally go on that first date with your ex boyfriend walk in front of him since women typically walk in front of men on dates and look at a guy (who is not your ex.) The idea here is to make it look like this other guy is checking you out.

Let’s role play this for a second.

Lets say that I am a woman.

Let’s call me….

CHRISTINA SEITER!

christina

Isn’t that a pretty woman?

I certainly think so haha!

Anyways, lets pretend that I am on a date with my ex and I want to try this method out. I am walking into a restaurant and since my ex is a gentlemen he holds the door open for me. As I am walking in I notice that there is a man walking towards me. Well, I would look at him out of the corner of my eye.

Now, the important thing to understand here is that it’s obvious to this other man that I am looking at him. And what do people do when they are looked at?

THEY LOOK BACK.

But here is the most genius part.

My ex is behind me the entire time. So, even though I am technically the one who made the guy look at me, to my ex it looks like this guy is checking me out. Oh, and since I am such a good looking girl the guy “checking me out” smiles and nods.

Extra bonus points! 🙂

But lets get out of this fantasy world where I am a woman and come back to the real world where I am teaching you to become the ungettable girl.

Another interesting aspect of the UG is that they are always busy. You want to be independent. If you’ve been with your ex for a long time the chances are pretty high that you are depending on him too much. Whether it’s for emotional stability or happiness you will have to show him that you can be happy on your own. It’s nice to feel wanted and needed and he will miss that feeling after a while.

Overall, this situation is actually wonderful for a breakup because he’s thinking your going to be friends with him but little does he know he is getting the cold shoulder for a few weeks so he can reassess his decision and during this time your becoming a version of yourself that he have never met before.

Such is the path of the ungettable girl.

I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

dont like you

So this is one of my favorite lines. “I never liked you anyway.”

You should be thinking,

“Come on, we’ve dated for 6 months, a year, two years and yet you threw away all of your precious time to a person you never even liked. HAHA”

It’s almost comical when a guy says this to his ex but it happens everyday.

It’s a very similar situation to the “I never loved you” comment that I’ve mentioned before. They are similar comments but ironically have completely different meanings. I think it’s safe to say that if your ex has told you that he never loved you the cut from that would be very deep. That is such a hurtful thing to say. Saying I never liked you definitely hurts but it’s a poor man’s “I never loved you.”

That’s the truth.

WHY YOUR EX SAID I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

dont like you

Take my friend “Bob” for example,

(By the way Bob is a fake name for a friend.)

His girlfriend and him were dating for 2 years and they got into a heated argument and he brings out the world famous line,

“Well, I never even liked you.”

You see, Bob and his ex were fighting over money which is one of the top reasons couples fight.

He had the gall to say, “I can’t believe you bought that $150 dress”

(This coming from a man who bought 3 video games that ended up costing the same as the dress.)

Guess what happened next?

Yup, you got it!

Bob’s ex went bat shit crazy and started throwing his games around while yelling and crying. Ultimately this was the last fight of their relationship. She walked out completely.

A few days passed and she started thinking to herself,

“Man, I think I made a mistake.”

So, she decided to call him again in an attempt to patch things up. But Bob, being the genius he is, decides to bring up the whole video game debacle again and the two of them started arguing again!

That’s when he said it…

“Well, I never even liked you anyways…”

Her heart dropped to the floor. She kept thinking,

“He can’t really mean that, right?”

So, why did Bob say it?

I remember asking him,

“Why did you say that to her?”

This was his response:

“I am just so sick of fighting with her. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Apparently Bob thought that this would be the easiest way to stop the fight and to get rid of her (for the time being.)

I WISH I NEVER MET YOU

never met you meme

Coming from a guy that probably said,

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me”

and

“I’m so glad I met you”

Throughout your relationship.

It probably threw you off completely hearing him say I wish I never met you.

So, lets take a moment and dissect what’s really going on in his head.

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS I WISH I NEVER MET YOU

The truth is that it could mean several different things. The first thing that comes to mind is one of my favorite quotes from Good Will Hunting.

“Most days I wish I never met you because then I could sleep at night and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge there was someone like you out there.”

Something tells me your ex didn’t say it in this way, otherwise you probably wouldn’t be on this site.

But the light at the end of the tunnel is that what he really meant when he says he wishes he never met you is that he is very hurt by you. You’ve brought out such strong feelings that he cannot deal with. It’s actually not the worst thing when a guy reacts emotionally like this because it means that he has feelings towards you. Even if they are negative feelings, he still has passion when it comes to you.

If he was nonchalant and aloof then you should worry a little more.

Oftentimes men don’t know how to express themselves as well as women do and so they resort to the easiest thing that comes to mind.

It’s pretty childish really.

They say things they don’t mean and a lot of times they end up regretting it. It never feels good to fight. In the moment it relieves some stress but later people often feel bad about it.

I’d be willing to bet your ex will regret or at least feel bad about things he says to you in the heat of the moment at some point.
Even when he says things like “I wish I never met you.”

768 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

  1. Cindy

    November 29, 2018 at 7:51 am

    Hello Chris,

    Thank you for your valuable insight and funny jokes in my moments of darkness! You and your words and memes have really helped to lift me up. Right now- I’m so confused and really need your help! I thought I was doing well until today and I really don’t know what to do! I had been doing no contact for 60 days, during which my ex has been trying to communicate with me via my mum and liking my Facebook photos.   Recently, a guy I have been starting to date posted photos of me with sweet comments. My ex even liked the photos and sent me an email saying he hoped I was ok a few weeks ago. I ignored it. The guy I’m dating said he  tried to add him as a friend. A few days ago my ex sent me another email saying he loves me always and that he misses me. It made me cry but I ignored it until yesterday as I felt compelled to email him back (since it was my fault we broke up because I cheated on him, which I totally regret and tried to do everything I could to make things right to the extent of resigning from my job and moving back to the same country so we could work things out. However he told me his heart wasn’t in the relationship anymore and was seeing someone else). In my email I told him I feel exactly the same, thanked him for all the good memories, apologised for my mistakes, wished him the best and attached a funny photo with an inside joke. He replied this morning and told me he still loves me more than anyone in the world and that he tried to forgive but couldn’t forget what I did and didn’t want to be in a relationship  with someone who could hurt him. He said he hopes we could remain friends and that he is happy and glad I moved on but then told me to be careful as the guy I’m dating seems like a player! Now I don’t know what to do! I still love him so much and despite my best efforts, I cannot fully move on because I really did put my heart and soul into our relationship. He was my first love, we were together for 14 years and engaged to be married until I betrayed him. Please help me. I know he doesn’t want a future with me as he has told me many times. I tried my best to make it work but he just wanted a friends with benefits situation with me and see other girls too. That is why I had to do no contact but now, I’m back to square one again. What does he really mean? He told me that he told his new girlfriend that he still loves me then a few weeks later he told my mum that he had split up with this girl. He told her that he still loves me dearly and wants me to be a part of his life still. What should I do? I don’t want to just be friends. I want to either make it work or just move on.

  2. Kennie

    November 26, 2018 at 10:32 am

    Hi Chris
    Reading your post because the guy I’ve been talking to for the past month told me he doesn’t want to talkin to me anymore.
    It started so good we met at a bar, we hung out a lot had a lot of fun together I could tell he was falling for me even he told me he was. Than one night I was drunk n we got into an argument leading us to not talk for a week. The weekend comes around and hes at the bar the same bar we met at (I go to dance) I had been drinking. He had his friends watch me the whole night, he acted like he didnt know me, but keeps walking past me at one point touching my waiste. As I was leaving they were all in the parking garage were we both had parked. I was walking to my car where they ssen me and started whistling at me. I didn’t turn around I kept walking. I was so angry so upset and so drunk.
    I got home n deside to txt him and ask him why he did that. But not in a very nice way. I was so mean and hurtful to him. I blocked him on everything. Than I msg him talking about his small penis just to hurt him how I was hurting. (Yes I regret everything I said that night but I cant take it back now) I told him he was a bitch (keep in mind hes from Saudi Arabia so he doesn’t always get my linguo) so he blocked me from being able to call him.

    So the next night i call him on my best friends phone to apologize because I feel like a pos. He answers and we talk for 15 mins. He keeps telling me he wants nothing to do with me leave him alone he changes his mind about me I broke his heart. He never cared about me the whole time we talked he was drunk yes for the whole month he was drunk lol (not) kept saying he was going to report me but kept talking to me. I asked him why give me a reason he said he has no reason just he doesnt want to talk to me. I could hear the hurt in his voice. But he wouldn’t hang up on me. So I just txt him n let him know how I feel and how sorry I really am.

    Can you give me some insite on what this means ? What I should do? Does he really mean what he says! ? Ik what i did was so wrong but i want him to talk to me again.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 26, 2018 at 11:07 pm

      Hi Kennie…..some guys will do and so hurtful things. But sometimes they don’t always know what they want. They are sometimes talking through their pain.

      Have you considered the merits of the No Contact Principle as it seems like communications are getting toxic.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 26, 2018 at 11:07 pm

      Hi Kennie…..some guys will do and so hurtful things. But sometimes they don’t always know what they want. They are sometimes talking through their pain.

      Have you considered the merits of the No Contact Principle as it seems like communications are getting toxic.

  3. D

    November 18, 2018 at 7:47 am

    Hi Chris, my name is D. My ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago. We were together for a month but if felt like it was longer. I practically lived with him and we had a deep comunication, we spent almost everyday together he helped me with part of my transitioning to adult hood. We are both 18 by the way. I am doing some of the crazy ex stuff (texting him everyday) I’m trying to have some self control but it’s hard. I miss him and I still love him. He told me he would never love me and he said he knows what it’s like to be in my position of unrequited love. We always talked through things just one day he said he didn’t feel the same anymore. He didn’t even given a valid reason to why he broke up with me other than he (fell out of love). Well I see him at school and I know we still l have that attraction feeling. He gets mad and annoyed with me a lot. He also didn’t even want a hug from me. It’s really awkward to seen him at school I just wish things would go back to the way they were. What do you get from this. He also analyzes everything all the time. He has a verry black or white mind set.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 18, 2018 at 7:29 pm

      I understand D….a lot of guys can be pig headed where everything is black and white, but it could be his immaturity talking.

  4. Stacey

    November 15, 2018 at 9:49 am

    Hi Chris,

    I’m still confused about my ex of 13yrs. He’s in (I’m hoping a rebound) his appearance isn’t too good nowadays but when living with me he always looked smart and people have noticed his appearance has gone downhill too.
    Told him about this because obviously I still love him and want him back and said you wasn’t like this when we were together (I initiated the break up) his reply was “yes I know I wasn’t but it’s what you call being depressed and not coping because I’m not seeing the kids ”
    But the thing is, he is seeing the kids (ok not everyday but he’s still seeing them weekly)
    People have said “it’s because he’s not coping of losing you and he doesn’t want to admit it because that will be damaging his ego so to speak because he is seeing the kids and he’s only using the kids as an excuse because he doesn’t want to tell you the truth and this girl is just a safelty blanket at the moment because he has no one and is still hurting over you as you can see by his actions”

    He says it’s not going to be lasting long with this girl and he doesn’t love her and she’s strange.
    When he’s asked at the drop of a hat to see the kids and I’ve already made plans I have (I know I shouldnt) said to see if his gfriend is free and do something with her. His reply “why the fu$k would I want to go and sit with her? I don’t want to fu$king sit with her no way! Im not arsed about her”
    Surely if he really wanted to be with her he wouldn’t speak of her in that way. Especially to me. He’s said a few other not nice things about her too
    When I’ve kissed him he’s pucked his lips back up to me. Again, surely if he didn’t want to he’d say no or definitely not puck his lips up.
    He got so jealous when I told him the other day that I’ve been speaking to someone. You only get jealous if you still had feelings for that person or wasn’t over them, right? Because if you had truly moved on, you wouldn’t get jealous it’s as simple as that. That’s what I think.

    From your opinion in a nutshell because know you are busy with other clients, but what does what I’ve said in this whole message sound like to you? I’m just so confused.
    Do you hear of this and then hear they have got back togetger?
    Just hoping 13yrs and kids is enough for him.
    I know I have truly hurt him by ending our rship and I just hope he’s not too stubborn to not reconcile with me.
    He’s obviously not happy plus, when you meet someone new you make sure your appearance is up to scratch don’t you? So again, correct me if I’m wrong, but he obviously can’t be too bothered about her if he’s not bothered what he’s looking like.

    Thank you for reading

  5. Sophia

    November 7, 2018 at 12:54 pm

    Hi my ex and I both stopped contact approx 2 years ago. I thought about him heaps I even moved on as well but can’t get him out of my head. I new there wouldn’t be a chance he was single as he was a very good looking guy and always reminded me of his options. Anyway I contacted him via text he replied asking all these questions and I told him I am very happy and he made it out he was happy for me. He asked me why I contacted him after all this time and I said that he was someone I liked genuinely and he replied that we can still be friends. everything from there he says is cold and sarcastic. I text him a joke and called him once but he never replied or answered. It’s been 2 days now is it over for good?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:09 am

      Hi Sophia!

      No necessarily over. Wait a spell longer, then revisit. The Texting Bible eBook has a ton of examples so consider that resource.

  6. Nady

    November 6, 2018 at 6:25 am

    Hi Chris,

    Thanks a lot for making me me feel motivated after a week of break up. Im on 4th day of no contact. I had a long distance relationship. Prior the break up, he had been ignoring for a week, no text at all. i tried to contact him and asked politely of what was really happening. He finally replied and said he’s not sure of wanting me and dont want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I was shocked, and devastated. and didnt reply him anything. Then i straight away applied the no contact rule, and today is my 4th day. I would like to seek your opinion, does he really meant it? Fyi, since the day of the break up he still keeps viewing my whatsapp status without fail. Im just confused.

    Thanks.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 6, 2018 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Nady!

      Good job with getting the NC underway. Remember, the focus of this time should be about your healing and recovery and doing things for “you”. Guys often say mean and cruel things in the heat of emotions. Just stick with your plan and use my 485 page Guide (Pro) as your blueprint.

  7. Naomi

    October 19, 2018 at 1:58 pm

    My guy and me had a fight about something silly. He left my place. I texted him and said he misunderstood my comment but he didn’t want to hear it. He said I was trying to justify. Long story short, he told me to go away and stop bothering him. I said ok. It’s been 3 days not being in touch. What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 19, 2018 at 10:40 pm

      Hi Naomi!

      It a shame so many fights usually start over something silly or small. None of us are spared. Its human nature and emotions can swing quickly in one direction. So giving each other space is probably a good thing. Take a look at picking up one of my eBooks so you are up to speed and have a sensible ex recovery program to follow!

  8. Natasha Pratt

    October 19, 2018 at 3:59 am

    Hi Chris.

    I was on the nc and because of our baby i broke contact. In this conversation my ex had assumed what he thought i wanted so i asked him what he wanted. His answer was i dont know. It makes me feel like he has someone else. We have been in ldr for 9 months now so it has been tough. But 2 weeks ago he told me its over. So i started the nc rule. Was tough. Imconfused with his response.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 19, 2018 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Natasha!

      Make sure you use NC for yourself to heal and do things nice and special for yourself. I wrote a book about the NC process and how you can get the most out of it. Its called, “The No Contact Rule Book”. Go to my home page to check it out if you wish.

  9. AM

    October 11, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    Hi Chris,

    First of all, thank you for your response. It’s true, but my head tells me to give up and move on but my heart says the complete opposite. So I asked for your help because I do not really know if I’m just scared of losing my ex for once and being too needy and insecure to move on, or, if there’s still any chance of rekindling feelings with him and getting him to chase me, not the opposite?! Is there an eBook that can help me?

    Once again, Thank you for your attention! 😉

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 12, 2018 at 3:08 am

      You should take a look at my home page as I have several eBooks you may be interested in.

  10. AM

    October 11, 2018 at 2:50 am

    Hi Cris,
    I am feeling frustrated and heartbroken because I still have feelings for my ex boyfriend, but I feel that he is moving on and that this time there´s no going back. And honestly I don´t know what to do anymore because it leaves me confused. I have been looking for help through various websites, but my story ends up having lots of ups and downs, so I end up getting no concrete answer. So when I found your page and saw that the comments were being corresponded, I decided to take the risk and ask for your opinion. My story started eight years ago, and initially we started out as schoolmates, and he fell in love with me, but at the time I only saw him as a friend and after a while I even started dating a friend of ours. This dating lasted a year and a half, but the last half year things were not well. However, I began to notice him more because we remain friends, but we were no longer from the same class, and I began to miss the attention he gave me. Until one day I was already separated from my boyfriend at the time, and we began to speak for messages. And it was then, that I realized that he still liked me, and one thing leads to another and we started dating. We still dated for about a year and a half. But then we never went back to being what we were. We spent several years in a relationship of friendship / dating, one and off. Until 2 years ago we got tired and i thought it was over for real. But after about 6 months, he contacted me again and started talking as if nothing had happened. But in that period, I started attending a gym, where I met new people, and I started having a crush on a boy who initially gave me a signal of interest, but it turned out to be nothing. And when he sent me that message, I did not think about him that much, but I was surprised and wondered why he was contacting me again. And this has already happened at the beginning of last year. Then we were talking, but it was always him who started the conversation, and I responded naturally, without revealing any kind of emotion. Until one day, he suggests that we come out again, to catch up. It went well, and even went back out again, but then he turned to walk away. It went well, and we met again, but then he moved away again. And at the time I know I was upset and asking myself why he had come back to talk to me and show interest in being with me and then moved away again. After that, I told myself I was not going to talk to him again, that it was over.
    But 2 weeks later he comes back to contact me, and then I thought, now if he really wants something, this time it will be him that will invest. And of course, he began to invest more. And it was going very well, better than I was expecting. He started inviting me out, 2 or 3 times a week, and I started to take it for granted, and when I realized, I was already starting to invite him, without giving enough space, and I ended up by starting to invite more than it should. I think I should have given him some space, but when I realized it, it was too late. He felt himself pressed down and began to move away, and I became uncertain again. And in that period, I made a reflection and realized that I was being very insecure, and that I would have been at other times too. And because of that I ended up pushing him without that intention. Then from the beginning from year to April we were still talking, but we hardly saw each other, and we ended up moving away. Later in June, I began to miss him, and how I wanted to be able to tell him the news that was happening in my life. But the heart spoke louder than reason, and I decided to ask him if he would ever come back to me as friends, but if he wanted to continue as we were, that was fine too. And at the time, he said yes but he would not promise me anything, but that his feelings did not disappear like that, and that although we were a little bit massacred, we had nothing to lose in trying.
    And yet we were talking a few times through messages, and we still had two dates. And the first was good but the second somehow did not go so well. From there, he began to move away again. And maybe it could have been because he had started to ask if he was still sure of what he wanted, and so on. I showed myself insecure once more.
    I say this because it’s been a month and a half now that he has not invited me to meet again. Now what makes me confused is the fact that even 2 weeks ago I told him that I liked going out with him, but I also liked him to be honest with me, and I asked him if he was going to be the man who disappears from nowhere or if he was going be the man who does what he says.

    And he said that obviously he was a man of his word, if he said he wanted a re-approach, that he would do it. And he spent another week without saying anything, until Sunday came and he sends me a message asking how he was. And we still talked a little bit but there was no big investment, failing to answer me on Thursday. And on Friday it was my birthday, and I was waiting for him to wish me a happy birthday, but he did not even congratulate me. Of course I was upset, and after midnight I told him that he did not even give me the congratulations! And he has not answered me to this day. So I decided to send him a message to see if he would react.
    And I said something to him, like, I did not know why he had not said anything to me on my birthday, or why he stopped responding.
    He did not know if it was because he was not really interested or if he had even met someone. And that he felt some confusion from him, since he had said that he was a man of his word. But that’s okay, I’d walk away. I did not want to get close to someone who does not know or who is not sure what he wants. And that above all, I want him to be happy and I hope to still be here when he was prepared. But by then, I knew I needed someone who was completely interested because I did not want to be with someone who is not 100% sure if they want to be with me.
    Only he answered me in a way that I was not expecting. He said that regarding the date of my birthday, he remembered at times of the day, but then the moment passed. And he thinks it’s actually better for each of us to continue in our own lives. See how things go. That it does not matter to be in this constant discussion of ideas that underlie our life.
    And above all, he also wishes me the best of happiness and is always ready for everything, whatever comes and goes. Now my question to you (if it’s still valid) is whether I should really give up on this person and move on even though I still have feelings for him or can still hope, and I must apply the no-contact rule for a time and then try a new approach but in a different way? If so, what is the best way to do it without seeming desperate or needy?

    I apologize for the “testament”, but I wanted to frame it in the best possible way so that I could understand how complicated this story is already. But if it were possible, I would like to know your opinion!

    Thanks for listening;)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 11, 2018 at 4:36 am

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts AM!

      I understand some guys can be so confusing. They can be so good and so bad. Have you considered any of eBooks to help you through all this?

  11. Lauren

    October 6, 2018 at 10:31 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up 3 weeks ago. He broke up with me because he said there were many reasons, mainly that he couldn’t deal with me anymore apparently due to me having low confidence and him being very grumpy and me stressing him out. Cut long story short and without going into every detail, we didn’t speak for roughly 10 days, I gave him the silent treatment and he didn’t bother to make contact with me either. After 10 days I made contact and he said he still loves me and it’s hurting him but he could never go back (he’s so stubborn) I left it for a while and then a week or so later I went round to his to pick up some stuff, he was in and was very nice to me. We kissed and cuddled and I cried and we spoke for the first time since we broke up. But he still said there was absolutely no way we can get back together, even tho I was doing everything in my power to pursuade him that we could be amazing if we just took away the things that broke us in the first place but he’s still not having any of it!! I sent him a really nice text to say good luck and that I respect his decision and to say goodbye and he just replied with something like goodbye sorry my decision isn’t changing but you know my reasons. He’s very stubborn so does this mean he’s gone for good? He did say he still loves me and misses me and is finding it hard? Does he just need space or does he mean what he says and won’t ever come back? He’s a very quiet man who rarely goes out, mainly just plays PS4 and goes to the pub occasionally with one or two of his guy mates who are both engaged with long term relationships so I don’t believe he would move on very easily but I don’t get it I’m so confused!! Help me 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 7, 2018 at 3:29 am

      Hi Lauren!

      Well, you guys have 2.5 years together and some roots are laid down and that can be helpful. Give him some space and let’s see if he changes his tune.

  12. Sarah

    October 3, 2018 at 7:11 pm

    What if your ex says it was his biggest mistake to start any kind of relationship…and says i don’t trust you…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:23 am

      Well guys say all kinds of things…often bloated up due to emotions. You know the truth. Seems like no contact would be helpful to you both.

  13. Katherine

    August 15, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    Hi Chris,

    So I’m new at your site and I’ve been reading your articles (which I absolutely looooove, by the way) anyway, so me and my ex broke up a month ago and we were together for a year and 3 months. He said he needed to fix himself and it wasn’t working out. Obviously, I made the mistake of trying to talk him out of it and failed. And he agreed on this ultimatum that if by December we were both still single, we could maybe try again. He kept insisting he’d have a girlfriend by then. Anyway during week 1, I came over and got my things but it got too late to come home and I slept over. We slept together. We both ended up regretting it. The same happened during the second week. But he said he didn’t regret it anymore. By the third week, we were gonna see a movie together and he insists on me still sleeping over. He was really sweet with me, it was just like before. He said that it was just like our old relationship, minus the label and communication. By week 4, the sweetness continued and he’s been saying he loves me and constantly kissing me and cuddling me up at night and we laugh a lot. It’s been amazing, but as usual, I tried to him about what were we and he shut down again. And eventually we agreed to break off the ultimatum of December. And he said that communication has been our main problem (because we were in a long distance relationship). He agreed that our label was that we were dating but we can still see other people. He actually let me stay over at his place for an entire week tho with being sweet to me and all. Then recently, we talked over alcohol and he told he his “iloveyou” s were only as a friend and he’s not that attracted to me anymore sexually that much and he wants to have sex with other women and he doesn’t want monogamy anymore and he just doesn’t want anything serious for quite some time. It really stung when he said that but I’m proud of the fact i didn’t break down, i was even laughing when he said those and putting in some jokes. But i need your help, is it too late or risky to start no contact? And why is he being so hot and cold with his actions? I don’t know what he means and what he doesnt. He said he just really wants to be friends and he doesn’t want this to work anymore. Please help me, thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:36 pm

      Hi Katherine…your ex seems to have an immature or selfish view of relationships. Maybe he just said some stupid things and will soon realize the error of his ways. I think you should employ no contact. Go pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” and check out the other tools and resources on my home page as they will help direct you.

  14. Jess

    August 11, 2018 at 11:08 pm

    Hello! My situation is very different; my ex and I dated in high school for nearly a year 2.5 years ago. When he broke up with me I was heartbroken, and made some desperate attempts to talk about what had happened, but he “just wanted to be friends.” He dated another girl a few months later, then left on a two-year religious mission. About two months into his trip, he sought out my email and began talking to me again. He broke up with the other girl and apologized for his behavior when our relationship ended. For the next two years we were in as close of contact as possible, emailing and sharing photos once a week, and he even reminisced about the great times we’d had when we were together. He also made future plans for things we’d do when he returned and trips he’d take to see me at college. He never said he wanted to be in a relationship again, but it got my hopes up. He returned nearly a month ago. Initially, he seemed very happy to see me. He brought me a gift from his mission and immediately began texting me when he got a phone. I spent two casual evenings with him, playing sports and talking. Each time he’d say he’d had a great time and we should do it again. I was really happy, I’d missed him! However, contact has dropped. We don’t maintain conversation over text, and I haven’t seen him in about two weeks. A mutual friend ran into him and (unbeknownst to me) asked him what was going on between us, and he replied that he doesn’t feel “that way” about me anymore, that we’re friends. He will go to college in a few weeks, and I’m frustrated that I’ve messed up the two years of progress we’d made in the short time he has been home. Maybe he was just lonely while he was away? I don’t expect him to suddenly ask me for a long-distance committed relationship or anything, but I’d like the door to be open. I think it’s good for us to be going on dates with new people, but I want to be in the back of his mind like he is in mine. I can’t decide if I should sit down and talk with him about the situation and ask his expectations (and likely get completely shut down), or if I should continue trying to work on it.

  15. Beth

    August 9, 2018 at 2:56 pm

    So… when my ex and I broke up (after 2.5 years) he asked if we could still be friends. I told him “no, if we break up this might be the last time you ever hear from me”. We broke up in person and I was the one to finally end it. He had given up trying to help the relationship and just didn’t see a way out. He said I was his best friend and he didn’t want to loose me. I started NC that night (12 days ago).

    Did I blow it?

  16. H

    August 8, 2018 at 10:08 pm

    Hey chris.
    My ex boyfriend and I broke up a week ago after we got back from a trip. We were together for almost 6 months. But around three months he started tell me he wanted to be alone. That he wasnt ready for a relationship. I tried to be reasonable with him because his last girlfriend treated him very bad. I’ve always tried to be patient and see his side of things and work on it together. But it’s like the more I tried the less interested he became. He told me we couldn’t go to California for my birthday because he was low on cash. But then later that week he bought a plane ticket to Panama to see his family. I wasnt invited. I got really upset. Then a week later he was invited to go on a cruise by his boss at work. He asked if I could come but said if I couldn’t he was going anyways. I couldn’t go and was devastated. I had asked him if he saw any kind of future with me. And he said he didnt know. That he was focused on himself and he knew that wasnt fair to me. So I told him we could take it one day at a time. He went on his cruise. And he messaged me the best he could and called when he made it back super excited. He said he missed me.Two weeks ago I asked him the question again about our future. He responded the same. So I told him we could date two more weeks and we could talk about what It meant for our relationship. He said he didnt want to wait two weeks. That as soon as we got back from the beach we were through. So when we left for the beach we had a great time. He was super supportive and loving. He had never acted quite that attracted to me before and i thought maybe he was changing his mind. But on the way home he said his mind hadn’t changed. I started crying and realized shortly after he was crying too. So several days later while arguing I called him and I told him I understood he was scared and had dreams. That I knew he loved me but he was holding himself back in life because he wouldn’t decide on anything to go after. He agreed with me. He said I knew his feelings better than anyone. He told me that there was nothing wrong with me. That I was a good woman. He just didnt like the arguing we would have because of his trips and how it made me feel that he didnt include me. He said he didnt want me to blame myself because it wasnt my fault. That he needed to be alone. He wasnt ready to be with someone. I’m on day 4 of no contact after I told him I felt he was making a mistake. The few times I called or texted him after the split he wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. Asking if I was going to a party. Etc etc. Which I thought was odd. And on Instagram I made it where he couldn’t see my stories for 2 days and he did the same thing to me when I realized it. When I took the block off he did the same. I feel like it’s a game. He was always very good to me but he was very contradictory. Which tells me he’s unsure about what he wants. I have your books I’m just unsure about what approach to take on someone who feels this isnt a mistake. Please explain to me what has been telling me. What’s really going on? I thought maybe he was cheating but he insists that isnt it.

  17. Lauren

    August 8, 2018 at 6:30 am

    My ex broke up with me 3 days ago after 6 months together (we had usual couple silly arguments but the majority of time we were great) he said he didn’t know what he wanted and thinks he should be with someone who’s opposite of him (not like me: easy going and chilled out). He wants to go back to Spain in a year or 2 and doesn’t think it’s realistic I’d be able to go because I can’t speak Spanish. He thinks he can do better than me (that’s my analysis) he’s never been with anyone longer than 4 months so I think he’s just freaking out cos it was getting serious. He said he might realise he’s an idiot. He text me to tell me he feels likes absolute shit and called me my nickname. I have to go pick up my stuff from his on Sunday (a week after he dumped me) should I do no contact from them? Should I make sure I look amazing and be really happy when I speak to him? Should I do no contact? Is it worth it? Do you think he likes me and he’s just freaking out?

  18. Hal

    August 7, 2018 at 3:07 pm

    Hey chris,
    My ex boyfriend and I broke up last week. I asked him if he saw a future with me and he said idk. We ended up taking a beach trip together and had an amazing time. But when we got back he broke up with me. We both cried. He said he wants to be alone. I am confused. He told me that I am an amazing person and it wasnt my fault. He just wants to be alone. He said he isnt ready for a relationship. Can you tell me what this means and what I should do? I believe what we had was real. We talked on the phone up until i started no contact two days ago. He kept asking me what i was doing and where i was going when i called so I started no contact because I’m confused. since then he has his privacy settings on Instagram where I cant see his stories. Is he just scared or did he really mean he wants to be alone? Please help.

  19. Lauren

    August 6, 2018 at 7:48 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday after 6 months. We had a good relationship. He’s never been with anyone longer than 4 months before and freaked out a couple of times with me before (classic commitment phobe) he said this is for the best, he thinks he should be with someone who’s opposite of him and compliments him. He has these unrealistically high expectations that I don’t meet. He says he’s confused, he doesn’t know what he wants & he might realise he’s an idiot but for now it’s for the best. After I left he text me calling me my nickname to say I left my stuff at his & then he text me again later asking if I’m okay I didn’t read either message… my question is do you think he’s serious? Is t really just that I’m not good enough and he can do better ? Do I do NC once I’ve got my stuff back?

  20. Lauren

    August 6, 2018 at 7:43 am

    Hi Amor,

    My ex broke up with me yesterday after 6 months together. He’s never been with anyone longer than 4 months before and isn’t good with feelings (aka a commitment phobe) he’s freaked out before and said he knows he’s freaking out but this time he said it’s for the best that we break up. He thinks the grass is greener & that he should have someone who is the opposite of him. He said he doesn’t know what he wants and he may realise he’s an idiot for breaking up with me but this is right thing for now (we had a great relationship & we had a lovely night together before he did this the next day) he says he’s selfish and I said he has these unrealistically high expectations and thinks he can find better.l when we’re all human so he won’t. He kept saying he cares about me. After he text me calling me my nickname to say i left stuff at his. Then he text me a while later again to ask if I’m okay? I didn’t read either message or reply. Do you really think he’s serious? That all his reasons are an excuse and I’m just not good enough? Should I do NC (once I get my stuff back) ?

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