How To Treat Your Ex Boyfriend Who Dumped You

Well, you had your cry. You allowed yourself the day or two of “ugly”.

You went to the closest bodega, or Target, in pajamas or yoga pants, and bought a ton of comfort food, and ate it.

You laid in bed for a day, and then your girl friends came over with wine and you dished.

You are now at the stage where you have splashed some water on your face, some de-puffing cream on those under eye shadows, and you’ve re-entered the world.

Is your head held high? It better be.

Did you pull together a good outfit? You better have.

Hair on point? You better believe it, sister.

Good. Because the beginning of this entire prescription is to ensure you feel great, and when you look great, you feel great. Never underestimate this as a woman in life. The more often you follow this principle, the more often you will project maximum confidence.

Now, there are several different scenarios which could have led to your Ex Boyfriend dumping you, and I will address each of them in turn. But, there is one, over-arching dictate which applies universally to these scenarios, and it is:

You Treat Him As If He Is Very Insignificant To Your Life At This Point In Time

So you got dumped. Are you going to let that break you? Heck naw.

Be merciless.

Be dominant.

Be a fighter.

Go listen to the Christina Aguilera song “Fighter” a bunch of times. You know that song? It has some great lyrics, including a rousing chorus:

“I want to say thank you
Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me, a fighter”

It’s a fantastic anthem for those of us who triumph, and ensure this breakup is making you better, not breaking you.

In general, whenever you need a boost before you decide how to treat your Ex boyfriend, I encourage you to either listen to that song, or at least hear it in your head.

So, what’s your next move?

Hopefully, you have familiarized yourself with the concept of the No Contact Rule and you are committed to implementing it successfully. It’s the absolute cornerstone of getting your Ex back.

If, however, you are going to run into your Ex, either during No Contact, or after, you need to have a game plan. As they say, failing to plan is planning to fail.

So, I’m going to lay out a very simple process for you to follow. It’s foolproof, easy to execute, and effective. Before you read it though, I’ll explain why this is so effective. Pop some popcorn and pull up a chair. I’ll start with a little story about boys, girls, and happily ever after (ha!).

“The Ick”

Let me tell you about something I call “The Ick.” The Ick was coined by one of my college girlfriends, Peg, and refers to that feeling you get for a guy that you were interested in, but at some point, you just . . . . aren’t anymore. You are dating this guy in some form or fashion, whether casually or seriously. And, you don’t hate him, at least not at first. But, you begin to enjoy his company less, for some reason or another.

Maybe you are put off by his housekeeping habits, or personal hygiene habits.

Or perhaps, although he’s really hot, he’s really not very intellectual, and he bores the stuffing out of you and might embarrass you in group settings.

Maybe he doesn’t get your jokes.

Maybe he makes too many jokes.

Maybe he’s always late.

For me, once, my boyfriend of nine months repeatedly spoke disparagingly about his own sister, and this left a bad taste in my mouth that I stopped being able to overlook.

So, you start noticing other guys and comparing him to them, unconsciously, or consciously.

Then, you don’t want him to put his arm around you, or kiss you.
Or sit next to you. Or open your door. Or call you.

You have the Ick.

It’s like a Seinfeld skit…

His transgression might be less of a transgression than just a characteristic, and often is nothing we could blame him for! Nevertheless, you are less interested, and once you have the Ick, it taints things.

And so, what do you do? You call him less, or return his calls less frequently.

Now, ask yourself, what is the WORST thing this man could do, at any stage of the Ick?

You got it – be clingy, needy, come around more, give you MORE of his presence, MORE examples of whatever ickiness was putting you off in the first place. Let’s illustrate:

  • You feel the initial Ick but can’t quite put your finger on why. He senses something is wrong so he overcompensates by coming on stronger. This causes you to pull back more.
  • You are noticing other men and comparing them to him. He’s right there, being his annoying self, presenting himself for the unfair comparison you are surely mentally making, and unable to defend himself.
  • You don’t want his physical affection, so he seeks out more. You are now getting repulsed by his touch. Your positive memories of intimacy with him are being replaced by repulsive ones.
  • You pull back and stop calling or hanging out as much, so he texts and calls more, blowing up your phone. This causes you to see him as a nuisance that needs to be eliminated as soon as possible.
  • You breakup with him.
  • What was his best move? The opposite of all of that.

Why did I go through this example? I know you are smart enough to answer that on your own, but I’ll spell it out.

Men and women are verrrryyy different, but not when it comes to the Ick.

The only thing that can cure it is for the Ick-carrier to remove him or herself from your presence. At any stage of the process above, if the Icky guy had disappeared for awhile, you might have missed him and realized he had a lot of good qualities. Instead, you got sicker and sicker of him, like when you eat too many donuts.

In order to “disappear” after the breakup, we prescribe the No Contact Rule. If Ick was a factor in your breakup, as it is in many, the No Contact period helps remove the taint. That’s why it is so important that you stick to it religiously, otherwise, little tendrils of the Ick can creep back in.

Now, as I said, the Ick isn’t the reason for every breakup. However – no matter why a particular breakup occurred, if you are forced to have contact with your ex in a way that you cannot control (due to work or social settings), the risk for Ick to develop after the breakup still exists! You could regain some power through the No Contact Rule, only to squander it by not acting appropriately when you run into him in person.

How To Treat Your Ex When You Run Into Him

Therefore, let’s get to the meat of this article, which is how to treat your ex when you run into him after the breakup.

Now, as I mentioned, there are several scenarios you could be suffering through as you read this, and I’m going to address them individually.

  • He Dumped You For Another Girl
  • He Wants To Stay Friends
  • He Dumped You By Text, or Didn’t Give Any Reason
  • He Keeps Texting You Like Nothing Has Changed
  • He Says He Still Loves You

There may be even more than this, but these are the main ones we will delve into today.

So, as I mentioned before, the first order of business is to ensure that you look great and feel great. We will assume that you have to continue running into him on a regular basis. (Isn’t that the worst?)

There are a few universal rules to follow here, no matter what your specific situation is. Ready?

1. Look Amazing

Yes, girl! Let him drool over what he is missing out on! This is your time to shine!

Let’s face it, being in a relationship takes up time and resources that you can now redirect to yourself. Here are some ideas:

Give yourself permission to take extra time in the bathroom for beauty routines.

Buy a couple magazines and invite a girlfriend over to try new hairstyles.

Paint your nails regularly -it saves money at the salon and it’s fun!

Use those teeth whitening strips.

Give yourself facials. Exfoliate in the shower! Moisturize!

Do those squats and crunches in the morning and while you watch tv at night.

Spend some time browsing fashion blogs and revamping your closet to mix and match new outfits, and do a clothing swap with friends.

You know you didn’t have time for all of this when you were hanging with him all the time, so indulge yourself – you deserve it, and the results will be fabulous.

2. Always Be Classy

You will never regret taking the high road and holding your tongue, so when in doubt, smile and be classy. If you want to retain even the slightest possibility of maintaining a positive relationship with your Ex, and potentially getting him back, then you should be nice in your interactions with him. Ideally, you should be positive and show him that you are happy and enjoying life. Don’t be fake, or insincerely happy, but project as much confidence as you can. If you can’t be confident or happy, at least just be nice. That means no snarky comments, no sour facial expressions, and no obvious or veiled jabs at him.

What If… He Dumped You For Another Girl?

If your Ex dumped you for another girl, and you run into him, the way you act depends on whether you are still doing No Contact, or not. Definitely do No Contact, in case he had the Ick and you need to purge it!

If you are in No Contact, speak to him briefly and nicely, smile, then move along.

Go mingle and allow him to see you having fun, even if you are not.

If No Contact is over, you should talk to him, try to share a laugh together, and allow him to see what he’s missing, but always leave him wanting more. Naturally, you act like the entire situation doesn’t bother you whatsoever. Leave him thinking “Wow- I can’t believe she’s over me so quickly- did I make a mistake?”

As for the other woman? Never acknowledge the other woman’s existence unless she is literally standing there. If she is not there with him, do not bring her up or ask questions about her.

This is your mantra: She is really inconsequential or insignificant to you, because you have wasted no time moving on with your amazing life.

If she is in front of you, kindly greet her as you greet other amazing and strong women- quietly and warmly, look her in the eye, and smile. Then move on. You and her aren’t going to be friends, but you don’t need to be enemies. She should be intimidated by you, and wonder why on earth he broke up with you to be with her.

What If… He Wants to Stay Friends?

If your ex “wants to stay friends,” you should still enact a No Contact period and move into texting phase.

Do your best not to see him during No Contact, but if you do, follow the two universal rules: Looking Amazing, and Being Classy. That’s about as friendly as you need to be during No Contact.

If your long-term goal is to get your Ex back, then you definitely don’t want to be “friend-zoned.”
Resist his attempts to make you his buddy. Instead, you should impose a “flirty/friend-zone” technique on him. This involves being flirtatious on some occasions, then switching it up and treating him as you would any of your girlfriends on other occasions.

For instance, when you want to flirt, maybe mention that you are hopping in the shower from time to time. Guys can’t help but have the image of you undressing when you mention this. Then, when it’s time to friend-zone him, ask him his opinion on your outfit when you are going out with other people. Then go out without him!

You could also ask him for his help moving furniture or something similar, and when he shows up, have someone else there to assist as well. This shows him he’s not that special, and makes him want to work harder to be a priority in your life.

What If… He Dumped You By Text, or Didn’t Give a Reason?

If your Ex dumped you by text, or didn’t even give you a reason, perhaps he had the Ick. You’ll need to purge that. You can either give him the courtesy of a brief response, or you can move immediately into No Contact. The brief response should look as close to the following as possible:

“Thanks for letting me know how you feel. I wish you all the best. You can pick up your priceless records between 2-4 tomorrow when Megan is here.”

If he doesn’t have anything important at your place, leave that sentence out, obviously.

Your text, or verbal response, should be as emotionless as possible. Don’t bother asking for any of your stuff back unless you absolutely can’t live without it. You can go get it after No Contact period is over.

Then, proceed to ignore him for the period of No Contact.

Alternatively, you can just begin the No Contact, without responding to him.
Either way, when you run into him, be friendly, smile, and keep the contact brief.

Don’t pretend like you don’t see him.

Don’t try to engage him in a long conversation.

Just let him see you being happy and having fun, even if you aren’t.

After No Contact is over, when you do run into him, you can talk to him for slightly longer periods of time. You should reference the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Book to find out exactly how to do that the right way. Ask him questions about what he has been up to, and take the opportunity to nonchalantly share with him what has changed about you that might surprise him.

You want him to leave these encounters thinking

“I forgot all these great things about her, and . . . she’s different, too . . . I totally messed up! I want her back!”

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

What If… He Keeps Texting You Like Nothing Has Changed

If your ex keeps texting you like nothing has changed, the No Contact period will reset the situation between the two of you. Things did change when he broke up with you, and they changed drastically. You need to focus on yourself after a breakup, as laid out above.

If you allow him to keep texting you, and respond back like you always do, or even perhaps a little more coldly, you are showing that you accept this behavior from him.

Do not accept it.

Take control.

Be a “Fighter.”

You are the star in your own life story.

Don’t be letting him write it for you.

When you run into him, be sure to demonstrate that you have changed. Naturally, you will Look Amazing and Be Classy. Let him know about the new hobbies you are involved in, or the plans you have coming up. You know, the ones where you are meeting all sorts of cool people… where he isn’t invited.

Trust me, he’ll start wanting that invitation!

What If… He Says He Still Loves You

If you have one of these Exes who continues to profess his love for you after the breakup, do yourself a favor and disregard his words. You don’t want his profession of love, you want a committed relationship with him, right?

That requires action.

So… until you see action to follow up the profession, don’t get too excited.

Men are perfectly capable of springing into action when they are properly motivated. But, most humans take any excuse to conserve energy. It’s a survival skill. Your Ex will conserve his energy, and feed you words, like “I love you,” to keep you around and interested, while lazily declining to make an actual commitment to you.

There are various reasons a guy might do this:

  • He wants to continue using you as an emotional crutch but doesn’t want to put in the effort to be a good boyfriend
  • He likes the things you do for him, but doesn’t want to have to live up to your expectations.
  • He’s too depressed or lazy or immature to be in a relationship
  • He wants to date around but still keep you as an option while still keeping his bachelor staus

In any case, the right move is to make sure and pay attention to when his actions don’t match up with words.

When they do though… that’s when you reward it with your own effort and commitment.

In the meantime until that happens, don’t say “I Love You” back to him. Don’t call him pet names like “babe” or “honey.”

Don’t give him girlfriend benefits just because he is saying he loves you. When he finally decides that he’s ready to get back together and make it real, then you can do all of those things together.

So, to review, the first day of your breakup, you are allowed to indulge yourself in grief.

But, then, when you re-emerge from No Contact, you will have a solid game plan. Really spend time focused on bettering yourself and figuring out what you want to personally accomplish going forward.

Immediately implement the No Contact Rule. And, when you run into your Ex, always make sure you Look Amazing and Be Classy, and purge any possible Ick by showing off your best self.

When in doubt, listen to your theme song, and keep your eye on the prize!

Now that you are fully equipped with how to handle each situation, let’s talk about your particular situation. In the comments below, tell me about your situation and what you have done so far. Then, our team of experts will help you figure out what you need to do as your next step in order to get your ex back.

		

Written by EBR Teamate

Tara O' Malley

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156 Comments on "How To Treat Your Ex Boyfriend Who Dumped You"

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Sarah
Guest

My ex and I still live together, he’s moving out next month. I initiated the no contact period, but when he texts me do I just ignore him? Or do I be short? Or do I be flirty? When I first initiated the no contact, he kept trying to make conversation with me when we were both home, but now it seems like he’s trying to “get me back” by not talking to me either. He only texts me if it’s asking me a question about something. So how do I respond? Do I even respond?

Chris Seiter
Admin

In my massive ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”, I get into all that and more. It really depends on a lot of factors. The signs are good here. Just make sure you have a game plan to follow. Without knowing all the details, No Contact is pretty hard to pull of when you are still living together. You guys are in the feeling out stage of possible reconciliation. Try being nice and supportive and see if he reciprocates and then go slow with the positive flow. Ride it.

Mika
Guest
Girls, listen up. Getting your ex back is not that hard. I will now tell what would work on me. 1. Admit your own mistakes and give sincere apology (after no contact) Leave your pathetic ego behind and show some maturity by owning your dark side and take responsibility of your own shitty behavior. It is not needy. You have no idea how much I respect this approach and you would make my heart melt by doing that. 2. Focus on becoming the best woman you can ever be. Go to see therapist. Read some self help books. Get a… Read more »
Mika
Guest
Girls, listen up. Getting your ex back is not that hard. I will now tell what would work on me. 1. Admit your own mistakes and give sincere apology (after no contact) Leave your pathetic ego behind and show some maturity by owning your dark side and take responsibility of your own shitty behavior. It is not needy. You have no idea how much I respect this approach and you would make my heart melt by doing that. 2. Focus on becoming the best woman you can ever be. Go to see therapist. Read some self help books. Get a… Read more »
Dstar
Guest
Hello, So I’ve been toying with the idea of reaching out to someone who is not a close friend of mine to get a more unbiased opinion. After almost, and I say almost 4 years of dating and once move across the country, I was dumped a day before our 4 year anniversary. We were in a good place, or so I thought, there was no fighting, but no real growth in our relationship either, and then one night he sits me down and tells me that we need to talk. He goes on to say that the relationship is… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Dstar
Guest
Hello, So I’ve been toying with the idea of reaching out to someone who is not a close friend of mine to get a more unbiased opinion. After almost, and I say almost 4 years of dating and once move across the country, I was dumped a day before our 4 year anniversary. We were in a good place, or so I thought, there was no fighting, but no real growth in our relationship either, and then one night he sits me down and tells me that we need to talk. He goes on to say that the relationship is… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Lisa
Guest
Hi again Amor My ex sendt me a text on the 10th day of the nc, asking how i was doing and so on. I didnt reply, so he texted a questionmark the day after. I broke the nc, as you recommended, on the 12th nc day, saying shortly that I was still hartbroken, I still didnt understand why, and that if he was willing to, I had a lot of things I wanted to talk about, but unless he wanted to try, I could not speak to or se him anymore. He answered within 20 seconds saying “I really… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

You should post.. Just start out with asking how he is, his trip and then open up trying again and what you both can work out..if he doesn’t agree, tell him being friends is not workable right now and then start nc

Lisa
Guest
Hi again Amor My ex sendt me a text on the 10th day of the nc, asking how i was doing and so on. I didnt reply, so he texted a questionmark the day after. I broke the nc, as you recommended, on the 12th nc day, saying shortly that I was still hartbroken, I still didnt understand why, and that if he was willing to, I had a lot of things I wanted to talk about, but unless he wanted to try, I could not speak to or se him anymore. He answered within 20 seconds saying “I really… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

You should post.. Just start out with asking how he is, his trip and then open up trying again and what you both can work out..if he doesn’t agree, tell him being friends is not workable right now and then start nc

W
Guest

Hi amor , what if i actually deep down still wanting him back . What are his intention, i dont even know hmm

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move on and just keep chasing…

W
Guest

Hi amor , what if i actually deep down still wanting him back . What are his intention, i dont even know hmm

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move on and just keep chasing…

w
Guest
Hey Amor, my ex just contacted me again. I actually ended NC a month ago and he contacted me 2 days before my NC ended and i replied him due to it’s a serious issue. We talked for a week and he just ignore my message one day. We dint talk since then but we meet up for sport every week without any interaction. Today he texted me out of a sudden asking me if i wanna go swim later, but i ignored because i dint know what to reply and what he wants. He been saying we cant get… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Nope.. If you really want to move on, stop letting him use you as a friend..

w
Guest
Hey Amor, my ex just contacted me again. I actually ended NC a month ago and he contacted me 2 days before my NC ended and i replied him due to it’s a serious issue. We talked for a week and he just ignore my message one day. We dint talk since then but we meet up for sport every week without any interaction. Today he texted me out of a sudden asking me if i wanna go swim later, but i ignored because i dint know what to reply and what he wants. He been saying we cant get… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Nope.. If you really want to move on, stop letting him use you as a friend..

Lisa
Guest
Hi Amor, Thank you for responding. I’m now 10 days into the nc, do you mean I should brake it, to ask him if thats really the reason, and if we could work it out? He has not texted me yet, but i know he checks my social media, and he did say I should contact him when I felt ready for it. I know he would meet me now if I asked for it, and I do feel he has answered me honest, about not knowing precisely why he has feelt the way he felt, and being confused. But… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Yes. And if he doesn’t want to work it out, start nc..

Lisa
Guest
Hi Amor, Thank you for responding. I’m now 10 days into the nc, do you mean I should brake it, to ask him if thats really the reason, and if we could work it out? He has not texted me yet, but i know he checks my social media, and he did say I should contact him when I felt ready for it. I know he would meet me now if I asked for it, and I do feel he has answered me honest, about not knowing precisely why he has feelt the way he felt, and being confused. But… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Yes. And if he doesn’t want to work it out, start nc..

Sarah
Guest
Hi – My LD boyfriend ended things with me a few days ago after 4 months. He said he’s a commitment phobe and finds it hard to settle down. He admitted that he liked the chase and once he got my attention he felt like that goal had been accomplished. He then went onto admit that he has a problem and for the first time seemed to genuinely open up to me. He said we are two different people and we wouldn’t work out. I never said anything, just accepted his words. Since that day he has called and texted… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sarah,

well you didn’t tell him for how long you’re going to ignore him, so that’s ok..

Sarah
Guest
Hi – My LD boyfriend ended things with me a few days ago after 4 months. He said he’s a commitment phobe and finds it hard to settle down. He admitted that he liked the chase and once he got my attention he felt like that goal had been accomplished. He then went onto admit that he has a problem and for the first time seemed to genuinely open up to me. He said we are two different people and we wouldn’t work out. I never said anything, just accepted his words. Since that day he has called and texted… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sarah,

well you didn’t tell him for how long you’re going to ignore him, so that’s ok..

Mel
Guest
One year relationship with an amazing man. Very kind caring and sweet. Said and did all the right things. Except he has a huge drinking problem. We never argued, we were redoing a house together, he was exceptional to my son. After leave an extremely abusive relationship before him, I decided he was a genuinely great guy and opened my heart and trusted him. The only time we ever had any problems was when his drinking got out of hand. It was only on 3 occasion that he was absolutely out of control drinking and those time ended in arguing… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mel,

it’s ok to talk about exchanging stuff during nc as long as it’s only about that.. The nc is for you to focus in improving yourself and in posting.. So, that you will be more rational, less emotional when you start building rapport again.. It’s not to make other change their mind.. If they do, good. If not, proceed with the process of slowly building rapport while continuing improving yourself.

Mel
Guest
One year relationship with an amazing man. Very kind caring and sweet. Said and did all the right things. Except he has a huge drinking problem. We never argued, we were redoing a house together, he was exceptional to my son. After leave an extremely abusive relationship before him, I decided he was a genuinely great guy and opened my heart and trusted him. The only time we ever had any problems was when his drinking got out of hand. It was only on 3 occasion that he was absolutely out of control drinking and those time ended in arguing… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mel,

it’s ok to talk about exchanging stuff during nc as long as it’s only about that.. The nc is for you to focus in improving yourself and in posting.. So, that you will be more rational, less emotional when you start building rapport again.. It’s not to make other change their mind.. If they do, good. If not, proceed with the process of slowly building rapport while continuing improving yourself.

Lisa
Guest
Hi, (English is not my mother tounge, so pardon the language) My boyfriend broke up with me the first day after the christmasholidays. We are both 23 years old and have been together for 2,5 years. There was no signs before the holiday, and we were only talking about moving in together and I just took a job near his apartement to be closer to him, so the breakup was a shock for me. I did not know What to tell him when he told me, and i frankly find it hard to even remember what he said. Therefore for… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lisa,

If that’s really the reason, why not talk to him about first? Ask him if that’s really the reason, if he says, talk to him if you could work it out. If he says no, then start nc…

Lisa
Guest
Hi, (English is not my mother tounge, so pardon the language) My boyfriend broke up with me the first day after the christmasholidays. We are both 23 years old and have been together for 2,5 years. There was no signs before the holiday, and we were only talking about moving in together and I just took a job near his apartement to be closer to him, so the breakup was a shock for me. I did not know What to tell him when he told me, and i frankly find it hard to even remember what he said. Therefore for… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lisa,

If that’s really the reason, why not talk to him about first? Ask him if that’s really the reason, if he says, talk to him if you could work it out. If he says no, then start nc…

w
Guest
Hi Amor, it’s not true that i wont change. But the problem is i dont know what can i change. It’s not something very objective where you i change easily like cheapskate or simply throwing tantrum or anything. He just mentioned to me the way i talk like it would somehow affect him when he is with his friends. He said wtv i do will affect him and he dint want to be affected. Maybe this is the reason why he say he still love me but cant get back tgt… I brought him negative things more than compliment and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Frankly, that means you’re immature or to invested in him.. You have to have your own life and to be indifferent and mature.. That goes with any relationship whoever you’re with.. if he says you have different core values, then you have to move on.

w
Guest
Hi Amor, it’s not true that i wont change. But the problem is i dont know what can i change. It’s not something very objective where you i change easily like cheapskate or simply throwing tantrum or anything. He just mentioned to me the way i talk like it would somehow affect him when he is with his friends. He said wtv i do will affect him and he dint want to be affected. Maybe this is the reason why he say he still love me but cant get back tgt… I brought him negative things more than compliment and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Frankly, that means you’re immature or to invested in him.. You have to have your own life and to be indifferent and mature.. That goes with any relationship whoever you’re with.. if he says you have different core values, then you have to move on.

Lis
Guest
I was dating a guy for almost one year.. things were awesome until he assumed a new project at his company and had to travel overseas often. He started to be super stressed and communicate poorly, but was still super sweet and caring. Last week, after talking a little about how to deal with the distance (its a 2 years project) he said he couldn’t handle the stress and be worried about me all the time altogether, that he would probably regret this later, but at this moment he thought it wasn’t fair he couldn’t give me the proper time… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lis,

The nc rule is not for him to change. It’s for you to be less emotional, more rational and to start a new routine that you will maintain after nc while you slowly build rapport. And in your case follow this one:
If You Had a Long Distance Breakup Here Is How You Get Back Together

Lis
Guest
I was dating a guy for almost one year.. things were awesome until he assumed a new project at his company and had to travel overseas often. He started to be super stressed and communicate poorly, but was still super sweet and caring. Last week, after talking a little about how to deal with the distance (its a 2 years project) he said he couldn’t handle the stress and be worried about me all the time altogether, that he would probably regret this later, but at this moment he thought it wasn’t fair he couldn’t give me the proper time… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lis,

The nc rule is not for him to change. It’s for you to be less emotional, more rational and to start a new routine that you will maintain after nc while you slowly build rapport. And in your case follow this one:
If You Had a Long Distance Breakup Here Is How You Get Back Together

Shere
Guest
I texted my boyfriend on New Year’s eve to see if we had any plans. He replied “No ma’am!!!” I replied “Do you want to do anything with me?” A few days prior while on the way to his parents for Christmas we had a disagreement and didn’t talk for a few days. He said, “No.” So , I asked him “Are you breaking up with me?” He said yes. I asked why and he said because of the disagreement and because I opted not to watch a movie with him a few days prior. First he left and only… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Shere,

that’s good that you didn’t respond. Stick to nc and be active in improving yourself and in posting.

Shere
Guest
I texted my boyfriend on New Year’s eve to see if we had any plans. He replied “No ma’am!!!” I replied “Do you want to do anything with me?” A few days prior while on the way to his parents for Christmas we had a disagreement and didn’t talk for a few days. He said, “No.” So , I asked him “Are you breaking up with me?” He said yes. I asked why and he said because of the disagreement and because I opted not to watch a movie with him a few days prior. First he left and only… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Shere,

that’s good that you didn’t respond. Stick to nc and be active in improving yourself and in posting.

Lia
Guest
So something weird has happened to me and I don’t really know how to behave. This is going to be a longer post, so please bear with me if you can. Actual advice on this would be greatly appreciated! Last year right around this time, after having been treated really unlovingly by a guy who I had been dating for a few months, I went through emotional turmoil. I managed to get my life back together and after a few months I was ready to start dating again. In August last year I had a big trip to South East… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Lia,

it was not wrong to decline his invite after him being distant but the better option was to decline at that day and then offer an alternative day that you’re good to go out. Well, it looks like you can restart slowly building rapport

Lia
Guest
So something weird has happened to me and I don’t really know how to behave. This is going to be a longer post, so please bear with me if you can. Actual advice on this would be greatly appreciated! Last year right around this time, after having been treated really unlovingly by a guy who I had been dating for a few months, I went through emotional turmoil. I managed to get my life back together and after a few months I was ready to start dating again. In August last year I had a big trip to South East… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

hmm..if you put it that way.. he might still resist.. because he gets you yo chase

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Lia,

it was not wrong to decline his invite after him being distant but the better option was to decline at that day and then offer an alternative day that you’re good to go out. Well, it looks like you can restart slowly building rapport

L
Guest

Hi Amor, what if im the lck one ? And i ended up wanting him back but he doesnt because he claims that somethings couldnt be changed ? What can i actually do .

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Is it true that you’re not going to change?

L
Guest

Hi Amor, what if im the lck one ? And i ended up wanting him back but he doesnt because he claims that somethings couldnt be changed ? What can i actually do .

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Is it true that you’re not going to change?

Blue
Guest
Over one year ago my ex broke with me. My ex & I were in a 5 year long distance relationship, . He broke with me after he quit his job and his financial situation was really bad. I tried No Contact for 30 days. Then I resumed a contact by email, he was friendly, but that was it. Then, I stopped emailing him for 2 months. Last spring, out of the sudden he sent me short email “What’s up”, I answered & he never followed up again. I waited 2 months, sent him a b-day wishes, but again, he… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Blue,

To be honest, I think you should move on..

Blue
Guest
Over one year ago my ex broke with me. My ex & I were in a 5 year long distance relationship, . He broke with me after he quit his job and his financial situation was really bad. I tried No Contact for 30 days. Then I resumed a contact by email, he was friendly, but that was it. Then, I stopped emailing him for 2 months. Last spring, out of the sudden he sent me short email “What’s up”, I answered & he never followed up again. I waited 2 months, sent him a b-day wishes, but again, he… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Blue,

To be honest, I think you should move on..

Elissa M
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor January 5, 2018 at 9:44 pm Hi Elissa, If you just want to be friends, then to be frank you have to set your expectations lower because being friendly doesn’t mean he has an obligation to reply to you because you’re the one who wants to be more friendly and not him.. he probably doesn’t want you to expect much or mislead you by being too friendly. I was happy being friends for all that time because I had figured he was completely fine without me and going back to friends was as good as it… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It is because it can be misinterpreted and he might think you’re angry.. Maybe he’s stopped talking to you, so he doesn’t lead you on more.. So, the better action right now is to let him be, give each other space, let him initiate and if he becomes flirty again and you can’t handle being friendly flirty with him, stop being friendly with him anymore…

Elissa M
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor January 5, 2018 at 9:44 pm Hi Elissa, If you just want to be friends, then to be frank you have to set your expectations lower because being friendly doesn’t mean he has an obligation to reply to you because you’re the one who wants to be more friendly and not him.. he probably doesn’t want you to expect much or mislead you by being too friendly. I was happy being friends for all that time because I had figured he was completely fine without me and going back to friends was as good as it… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It is because it can be misinterpreted and he might think you’re angry.. Maybe he’s stopped talking to you, so he doesn’t lead you on more.. So, the better action right now is to let him be, give each other space, let him initiate and if he becomes flirty again and you can’t handle being friendly flirty with him, stop being friendly with him anymore…

Ka
Guest
Hello. I appreciated your website. My ex fiance and I were together close to 2 years. He just broke up with me on Christmas day. I was so hurt it surprised even me because due to our fighting I was starting to really want to end it myself. But I saw a lot of good in him and thought maybe we could work it out. Since Christmas I have gone through the process of a break up. Grief, anger, hot and cold emotions. This entire time my ex became very nice and “caring” but it started confusing me so I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Ka,

If you meant you’re moving on.. just don’t answer him and take it one day at a time.. the hurt will not disappear in just one day or one month.. slowly over time, it will.

Kelly
Guest
My situation is a little reversed. I broke up with my ex. I was going through some issues and decided to go see a therapist for help and told him I needed space to work through my issues. This was 5 months ago. I got the ick for him and told him not to contact me anymore. I went a total of 30 days no contact, during which he continually texted me saying he missed me. In late November I finally replied to one of his texts which were much of the same, saying he thinks about me all the… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kelly,

You did the right thing because you’re showing him that you have standards and you respect his gf enough to stop what you were doing.. yes, restart nc and do 21-30 days..

Ka
Guest
Hello. I appreciated your website. My ex fiance and I were together close to 2 years. He just broke up with me on Christmas day. I was so hurt it surprised even me because due to our fighting I was starting to really want to end it myself. But I saw a lot of good in him and thought maybe we could work it out. Since Christmas I have gone through the process of a break up. Grief, anger, hot and cold emotions. This entire time my ex became very nice and “caring” but it started confusing me so I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Ka,

If you meant you’re moving on.. just don’t answer him and take it one day at a time.. the hurt will not disappear in just one day or one month.. slowly over time, it will.

Elissa Murray
Guest
I was left a few months ago by my most recent ex. It’s actually the ex before him-we’ll call him L- that is my problem. He broke up with me over text a few years ago when we had a communications breakdown and I felt his breaking up with me then was a reaction to realizing how attached he was getting when he couldn’t reach me right away and he was going to get out of it before he got too hurt. We had previously talked everyday. I did no contact for a long time and then we began talking… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Elissa,

If you just want to be friends, then to be frank you have to set your expectations lower because being friendly doesn’t mean he has an obligation to reply to you because you’re the one who wants to be more friendly and not him.. he probably doesn’t want you to expect much or mislead you by being too friendly.

Kelly
Guest
My situation is a little reversed. I broke up with my ex. I was going through some issues and decided to go see a therapist for help and told him I needed space to work through my issues. This was 5 months ago. I got the ick for him and told him not to contact me anymore. I went a total of 30 days no contact, during which he continually texted me saying he missed me. In late November I finally replied to one of his texts which were much of the same, saying he thinks about me all the… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kelly,

You did the right thing because you’re showing him that you have standards and you respect his gf enough to stop what you were doing.. yes, restart nc and do 21-30 days..

Elissa Murray
Guest
I was left a few months ago by my most recent ex. It’s actually the ex before him-we’ll call him L- that is my problem. He broke up with me over text a few years ago when we had a communications breakdown and I felt his breaking up with me then was a reaction to realizing how attached he was getting when he couldn’t reach me right away and he was going to get out of it before he got too hurt. We had previously talked everyday. I did no contact for a long time and then we began talking… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Elissa,

If you just want to be friends, then to be frank you have to set your expectations lower because being friendly doesn’t mean he has an obligation to reply to you because you’re the one who wants to be more friendly and not him.. he probably doesn’t want you to expect much or mislead you by being too friendly.

P.B
Guest
Thank you Amor. Yes, I wanted to wish him happy new year as my final text before NC. That’s why I didn’t keep texting after his answer. So I’m already in NC, day 2. And it’s harder than the first time because then he was being distant and cold with me but now… But I know that this is the only way. My biggest fear is, as I always say, “the other women”, I feel that I need to be better than anyone he could meet and soooo perfect that he doesn’t mind the distance. So, super-super-super charged UG. It’s… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

there will always be someone better, so, you have to remember, that you just need to be your best self for yourself..

P.B
Guest
Thank you Amor. Yes, I wanted to wish him happy new year as my final text before NC. That’s why I didn’t keep texting after his answer. So I’m already in NC, day 2. And it’s harder than the first time because then he was being distant and cold with me but now… But I know that this is the only way. My biggest fear is, as I always say, “the other women”, I feel that I need to be better than anyone he could meet and soooo perfect that he doesn’t mind the distance. So, super-super-super charged UG. It’s… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

there will always be someone better, so, you have to remember, that you just need to be your best self for yourself..

Ly Ann
Guest
Hi Ms.Amor, So this is how my story goes, my ex boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6years. We’ve been together since highschool. We have the same birthday. He’s my soulmate! We’re now both on 4th year college and both 20 yrs old. Our relationship had a bitter-sweet start. We were both so young and hasty when we started our relationship. I’m his first girlfriend, and he’s my first boyfriend as well. He’s my first love. My everything. Eventually we both had millestones in our separate lives, he was busy with studies and his hobbies, while i was… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ly Ann,

call the suicide hotline in your country and talk to a friend. Check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t

Ly Ann
Guest
Hi Ms.Amor, So this is how my story goes, my ex boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6years. We’ve been together since highschool. We have the same birthday. He’s my soulmate! We’re now both on 4th year college and both 20 yrs old. Our relationship had a bitter-sweet start. We were both so young and hasty when we started our relationship. I’m his first girlfriend, and he’s my first boyfriend as well. He’s my first love. My everything. Eventually we both had millestones in our separate lives, he was busy with studies and his hobbies, while i was… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ly Ann,

call the suicide hotline in your country and talk to a friend. Check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t

P.B
Guest
Yesterday I wish him a Happy New Year. Today he answered and I didn’t respond anymore. I start my NC.I don’t know if I should keep texting but… If I do and he doesn’t answer, I’ll be worse. I thik that starting my NC with the last text being his could be better. I am very afraid and I’m guess I’ll read your posts about it over and over again in order to convince myself that this could work. I hope so. Many thank you… This is going to be hard and I’m more afraid than ever but in the… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

If you keep initiating or replying if he texts you, that’s not nc.. Just focus in yourself and in the new routine you’re going to make and maintain..

P.B
Guest
Thnak you Amor. Yes, I have read these posts but I will do it again. I know you’re right so I will try to make a sucessful NC and be the perfect UG. I already thought that I am doing a good job in social media but yesterday I confirmed it when a person who only knows me from that told me “you transmit pure joy and happiness”. Funny thing, I was crying when I read that (NYE is hard for me). So even if I’m devastated, I’m doing great with my posts, I’ll keep doing that. I will read… Read more »
P.B
Guest
Yesterday I wish him a Happy New Year. Today he answered and I didn’t respond anymore. I start my NC.I don’t know if I should keep texting but… If I do and he doesn’t answer, I’ll be worse. I thik that starting my NC with the last text being his could be better. I am very afraid and I’m guess I’ll read your posts about it over and over again in order to convince myself that this could work. I hope so. Many thank you… This is going to be hard and I’m more afraid than ever but in the… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

If you keep initiating or replying if he texts you, that’s not nc.. Just focus in yourself and in the new routine you’re going to make and maintain..

P.B
Guest
Thnak you Amor. Yes, I have read these posts but I will do it again. I know you’re right so I will try to make a sucessful NC and be the perfect UG. I already thought that I am doing a good job in social media but yesterday I confirmed it when a person who only knows me from that told me “you transmit pure joy and happiness”. Funny thing, I was crying when I read that (NYE is hard for me). So even if I’m devastated, I’m doing great with my posts, I’ll keep doing that. I will read… Read more »
Eva
Guest
My Situation with my ex bf permantentely changes. We have been in a relatively toxic LDR.. toxic because lots of fights, different needs… as soon as things got heated up he stepped back or threatened to split up. I couldn’t give space to calm down on the other hand. Now we are split for nearly two months with regular contact though. I tried the NC,but mostly one of us reached out. Atm I am pretty relaxed and accepted the split up so far. I feel less controlling and take more time for myself. He on the other hand opens up… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Eva,

You said it yourself. How are you going to convey you’re not available all the time if you’re always available?

Lizzie
Guest
Hi, I commented before on my ex and how he came back out of the blue asking to be friends. Im really worried that he likes a girl that he works with and im worried that they’ll end up together as i know she likes him back. what can i do about this? He says he doesnt know if we have a chance in the future and wants to hang out. He also said he wants to take things slow and not to rush anything but i dont want to end up getting hurt again. He said he doesnt love… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lizzie,

if you want, treat it like they’re already together and follow the advise on this one:
How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else

Eva
Guest
My Situation with my ex bf permantentely changes. We have been in a relatively toxic LDR.. toxic because lots of fights, different needs… as soon as things got heated up he stepped back or threatened to split up. I couldn’t give space to calm down on the other hand. Now we are split for nearly two months with regular contact though. I tried the NC,but mostly one of us reached out. Atm I am pretty relaxed and accepted the split up so far. I feel less controlling and take more time for myself. He on the other hand opens up… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Eva,

You said it yourself. How are you going to convey you’re not available all the time if you’re always available?