By Tara O' Malley

Well, you had your cry. You allowed yourself the day or two of “ugly”.

You went to the closest bodega, or Target, in pajamas or yoga pants, and bought a ton of comfort food, and ate it.

You laid in bed for a day, and then your girl friends came over with wine and you dished.

You are now at the stage where you have splashed some water on your face, some de-puffing cream on those under eye shadows, and you’ve re-entered the world.

Is your head held high? It better be.

Did you pull together a good outfit? You better have.

Hair on point? You better believe it, sister.

Good. Because the beginning of this entire prescription is to ensure you feel great, and when you look great, you feel great. Never underestimate this as a woman in life. The more often you follow this principle, the more often you will project maximum confidence.

Now, there are several different scenarios which could have led to your Ex Boyfriend dumping you, and I will address each of them in turn. But, there is one, over-arching dictate which applies universally to these scenarios, and it is:

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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You Treat Him As If He Is Very Insignificant To Your Life At This Point In Time

So you got dumped. Are you going to let that break you? Heck naw.

Be merciless.

Be dominant.

Be a fighter.

Go listen to the Christina Aguilera song “Fighter” a bunch of times. You know that song? It has some great lyrics, including a rousing chorus:

“I want to say thank you
Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me, a fighter”

It’s a fantastic anthem for those of us who triumph, and ensure this breakup is making you better, not breaking you.

In general, whenever you need a boost before you decide how to treat your Ex boyfriend, I encourage you to either listen to that song, or at least hear it in your head.

So, what’s your next move?

Hopefully, you have familiarized yourself with the concept of the No Contact Rule and you are committed to implementing it successfully. It’s the absolute cornerstone of getting your Ex back.

If, however, you are going to run into your Ex, either during No Contact, or after, you need to have a game plan. As they say, failing to plan is planning to fail.

So, I’m going to lay out a very simple process for you to follow. It’s foolproof, easy to execute, and effective. Before you read it though, I’ll explain why this is so effective. Pop some popcorn and pull up a chair. I’ll start with a little story about boys, girls, and happily ever after (ha!).

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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“The Ick”

Let me tell you about something I call “The Ick.” The Ick was coined by one of my college girlfriends, Peg, and refers to that feeling you get for a guy that you were interested in, but at some point, you just . . . . aren’t anymore. You are dating this guy in some form or fashion, whether casually or seriously. And, you don’t hate him, at least not at first. But, you begin to enjoy his company less, for some reason or another.

Maybe you are put off by his housekeeping habits, or personal hygiene habits.

Or perhaps, although he’s really hot, he’s really not very intellectual, and he bores the stuffing out of you and might embarrass you in group settings.

Maybe he doesn’t get your jokes.

Maybe he makes too many jokes.

Maybe he’s always late.

For me, once, my boyfriend of nine months repeatedly spoke disparagingly about his own sister, and this left a bad taste in my mouth that I stopped being able to overlook.

So, you start noticing other guys and comparing him to them, unconsciously, or consciously.

Then, you don’t want him to put his arm around you, or kiss you.
Or sit next to you. Or open your door. Or call you.

You have the Ick.

It’s like a Seinfeld skit…

His transgression might be less of a transgression than just a characteristic, and often is nothing we could blame him for! Nevertheless, you are less interested, and once you have the Ick, it taints things.

And so, what do you do? You call him less, or return his calls less frequently.

Now, ask yourself, what is the WORST thing this man could do, at any stage of the Ick?

You got it – be clingy, needy, come around more, give you MORE of his presence, MORE examples of whatever ickiness was putting you off in the first place. Let’s illustrate:

  • You feel the initial Ick but can’t quite put your finger on why. He senses something is wrong so he overcompensates by coming on stronger. This causes you to pull back more.
  • You are noticing other men and comparing them to him. He’s right there, being his annoying self, presenting himself for the unfair comparison you are surely mentally making, and unable to defend himself.
  • You don’t want his physical affection, so he seeks out more. You are now getting repulsed by his touch. Your positive memories of intimacy with him are being replaced by repulsive ones.
  • You pull back and stop calling or hanging out as much, so he texts and calls more, blowing up your phone. This causes you to see him as a nuisance that needs to be eliminated as soon as possible.
  • You breakup with him.
  • What was his best move? The opposite of all of that.

Why did I go through this example? I know you are smart enough to answer that on your own, but I’ll spell it out.

Men and women are verrrryyy different, but not when it comes to the Ick.

The only thing that can cure it is for the Ick-carrier to remove him or herself from your presence. At any stage of the process above, if the Icky guy had disappeared for awhile, you might have missed him and realized he had a lot of good qualities. Instead, you got sicker and sicker of him, like when you eat too many donuts.

In order to “disappear” after the breakup, we prescribe the No Contact Rule. If Ick was a factor in your breakup, as it is in many, the No Contact period helps remove the taint. That’s why it is so important that you stick to it religiously, otherwise, little tendrils of the Ick can creep back in.

Now, as I said, the Ick isn’t the reason for every breakup. However – no matter why a particular breakup occurred, if you are forced to have contact with your ex in a way that you cannot control (due to work or social settings), the risk for Ick to develop after the breakup still exists! You could regain some power through the No Contact Rule, only to squander it by not acting appropriately when you run into him in person.

How To Treat Your Ex When You Run Into Him

Therefore, let’s get to the meat of this article, which is how to treat your ex when you run into him after the breakup.

Now, as I mentioned, there are several scenarios you could be suffering through as you read this, and I’m going to address them individually.

  • He Dumped You For Another Girl
  • He Wants To Stay Friends
  • He Dumped You By Text, or Didn’t Give Any Reason
  • He Keeps Texting You Like Nothing Has Changed
  • He Says He Still Loves You

There may be even more than this, but these are the main ones we will delve into today.

So, as I mentioned before, the first order of business is to ensure that you look great and feel great. We will assume that you have to continue running into him on a regular basis. (Isn’t that the worst?)

There are a few universal rules to follow here, no matter what your specific situation is. Ready?

1. Look Amazing

Yes, girl! Let him drool over what he is missing out on! This is your time to shine!

Let’s face it, being in a relationship takes up time and resources that you can now redirect to yourself. Here are some ideas:

Give yourself permission to take extra time in the bathroom for beauty routines.

Buy a couple magazines and invite a girlfriend over to try new hairstyles.

Paint your nails regularly -it saves money at the salon and it’s fun!

Use those teeth whitening strips.

Give yourself facials. Exfoliate in the shower! Moisturize!

Do those squats and crunches in the morning and while you watch tv at night.

Spend some time browsing fashion blogs and revamping your closet to mix and match new outfits, and do a clothing swap with friends.

You know you didn’t have time for all of this when you were hanging with him all the time, so indulge yourself – you deserve it, and the results will be fabulous.

2. Always Be Classy

You will never regret taking the high road and holding your tongue, so when in doubt, smile and be classy. If you want to retain even the slightest possibility of maintaining a positive relationship with your Ex, and potentially getting him back, then you should be nice in your interactions with him. Ideally, you should be positive and show him that you are happy and enjoying life. Don’t be fake, or insincerely happy, but project as much confidence as you can. If you can’t be confident or happy, at least just be nice. That means no snarky comments, no sour facial expressions, and no obvious or veiled jabs at him.

What If… He Dumped You For Another Girl?

If your Ex dumped you for another girl, and you run into him, the way you act depends on whether you are still doing No Contact, or not. Definitely do No Contact, in case he had the Ick and you need to purge it!

If you are in No Contact, speak to him briefly and nicely, smile, then move along.

Go mingle and allow him to see you having fun, even if you are not.

If No Contact is over, you should talk to him, try to share a laugh together, and allow him to see what he’s missing, but always leave him wanting more. Naturally, you act like the entire situation doesn’t bother you whatsoever. Leave him thinking “Wow- I can’t believe she’s over me so quickly- did I make a mistake?”

As for the other woman? Never acknowledge the other woman’s existence unless she is literally standing there. If she is not there with him, do not bring her up or ask questions about her.

This is your mantra: She is really inconsequential or insignificant to you, because you have wasted no time moving on with your amazing life.

If she is in front of you, kindly greet her as you greet other amazing and strong women- quietly and warmly, look her in the eye, and smile. Then move on. You and her aren’t going to be friends, but you don’t need to be enemies. She should be intimidated by you, and wonder why on earth he broke up with you to be with her.

What If… He Wants to Stay Friends?

If your ex “wants to stay friends,” you should still enact a No Contact period and move into texting phase.

Do your best not to see him during No Contact, but if you do, follow the two universal rules: Looking Amazing, and Being Classy. That’s about as friendly as you need to be during No Contact.

If your long-term goal is to get your Ex back, then you definitely don’t want to be “friend-zoned.”
Resist his attempts to make you his buddy. Instead, you should impose a “flirty/friend-zone” technique on him. This involves being flirtatious on some occasions, then switching it up and treating him as you would any of your girlfriends on other occasions.

For instance, when you want to flirt, maybe mention that you are hopping in the shower from time to time. Guys can’t help but have the image of you undressing when you mention this. Then, when it’s time to friend-zone him, ask him his opinion on your outfit when you are going out with other people. Then go out without him!

You could also ask him for his help moving furniture or something similar, and when he shows up, have someone else there to assist as well. This shows him he’s not that special, and makes him want to work harder to be a priority in your life.

What If… He Dumped You By Text, or Didn’t Give a Reason?

If your Ex dumped you by text, or didn’t even give you a reason, perhaps he had the Ick. You’ll need to purge that. You can either give him the courtesy of a brief response, or you can move immediately into No Contact. The brief response should look as close to the following as possible:

“Thanks for letting me know how you feel. I wish you all the best. You can pick up your priceless records between 2-4 tomorrow when Megan is here.”

If he doesn’t have anything important at your place, leave that sentence out, obviously.

Your text, or verbal response, should be as emotionless as possible. Don’t bother asking for any of your stuff back unless you absolutely can’t live without it. You can go get it after No Contact period is over.

Then, proceed to ignore him for the period of No Contact.

Alternatively, you can just begin the No Contact, without responding to him.
Either way, when you run into him, be friendly, smile, and keep the contact brief.

Don’t pretend like you don’t see him.

Don’t try to engage him in a long conversation.

Just let him see you being happy and having fun, even if you aren’t.

After No Contact is over, when you do run into him, you can talk to him for slightly longer periods of time. You should reference the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Book to find out exactly how to do that the right way. Ask him questions about what he has been up to, and take the opportunity to nonchalantly share with him what has changed about you that might surprise him.

You want him to leave these encounters thinking

“I forgot all these great things about her, and . . . she’s different, too . . . I totally messed up! I want her back!”

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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What If… He Keeps Texting You Like Nothing Has Changed

If your ex keeps texting you like nothing has changed, the No Contact period will reset the situation between the two of you. Things did change when he broke up with you, and they changed drastically. You need to focus on yourself after a breakup, as laid out above.

If you allow him to keep texting you, and respond back like you always do, or even perhaps a little more coldly, you are showing that you accept this behavior from him.

Do not accept it.

Take control.

Be a “Fighter.”

You are the star in your own life story.

Don’t be letting him write it for you.

When you run into him, be sure to demonstrate that you have changed. Naturally, you will Look Amazing and Be Classy. Let him know about the new hobbies you are involved in, or the plans you have coming up. You know, the ones where you are meeting all sorts of cool people… where he isn’t invited.

Trust me, he’ll start wanting that invitation!

What If… He Says He Still Loves You

If you have one of these Exes who continues to profess his love for you after the breakup, do yourself a favor and disregard his words. You don’t want his profession of love, you want a committed relationship with him, right?

That requires action.

So… until you see action to follow up the profession, don’t get too excited.

Men are perfectly capable of springing into action when they are properly motivated. But, most humans take any excuse to conserve energy. It’s a survival skill. Your Ex will conserve his energy, and feed you words, like “I love you,” to keep you around and interested, while lazily declining to make an actual commitment to you.

There are various reasons a guy might do this:

  • He wants to continue using you as an emotional crutch but doesn’t want to put in the effort to be a good boyfriend
  • He likes the things you do for him, but doesn’t want to have to live up to your expectations.
  • He’s too depressed or lazy or immature to be in a relationship
  • He wants to date around but still keep you as an option while still keeping his bachelor staus

In any case, the right move is to make sure and pay attention to when his actions don’t match up with words.

When they do though… that’s when you reward it with your own effort and commitment.

In the meantime until that happens, don’t say “I Love You” back to him. Don’t call him pet names like “babe” or “honey.”

Don’t give him girlfriend benefits just because he is saying he loves you. When he finally decides that he’s ready to get back together and make it real, then you can do all of those things together.

So, to review, the first day of your breakup, you are allowed to indulge yourself in grief.

But, then, when you re-emerge from No Contact, you will have a solid game plan. Really spend time focused on bettering yourself and figuring out what you want to personally accomplish going forward.

Immediately implement the No Contact Rule. And, when you run into your Ex, always make sure you Look Amazing and Be Classy, and purge any possible Ick by showing off your best self.

When in doubt, listen to your theme song, and keep your eye on the prize!

Now that you are fully equipped with how to handle each situation, let’s talk about your particular situation. In the comments below, tell me about your situation and what you have done so far. Then, our team of experts will help you figure out what you need to do as your next step in order to get your ex back.

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114 thoughts on “How To Treat Your Ex Boyfriend Who Dumped You”

  1. Avatar

    Sarah

    May 6, 2020 at 6:31 am

    The guy I was seeing broke up with me over text as I confronted him for finding out he was back on a dating app. We were supposed to be exclusive. I tried to make things right at the moment but he just said he was done and needed space and to be left alone. I have started no contact and it’s been 1 week and a few days now. He keeps changing his profile picture on WhatsApp. I am not sure he will contact me again.

  2. Avatar

    Michelle

    May 3, 2020 at 10:09 pm

    My ex dumped me after 5 yrs friendship. 3 yrs committed. I noticed a change in him and brought it to his attention. I asked him about his happiness In relationship and even offers to seek couples therapy to help us with issues. He acknowledged, said he was willing to go and that he wanted us to be happy together. Only 4 days later to flip on me and tell me he wasn’t happy. Made up some excuse about me not supporting him (completely false) and how he didn’t want to do this anymore. He said he would come by and grab his belongings after his work. I asked him to pick them up immediately
    When he showed up he let himself in with his house key. Placed it on the table and proceeded to Gather his things. He grabbed most. As he grabbed his things I told him that I’m sorry I didn’t bring him happiness and I wish him all the best in the future. He said he’s not a bad guy and that he’s not mad (but he Broke it off with me with no reason to be mad). He said there’s no telling what may happen in the future. He Went to talk to the dogs and took them outside. He then came back in to me where I sat. Attempted to kiss me then left.

    I haven’t contacted him since and haven’t heard from him since.

    We are still friends on severa social media platforms.

    Everyone says we’ll get back together. I don’t know. I wish I understood this behavior and I’m wish he’d told me what made him unhappy. I don’t know his behavior is just so confusing.

  3. Avatar

    Nosi

    April 12, 2020 at 10:38 pm

    I have been with him for 6 years and we have a baby together who is 2 years old. On 23 March he called with his new girlfriend to ask me that I confirm that we are no longer together so his life can continue. I was shocked and asked to talk to her , she mentioned that they have been together for 15 months. I was shocked as we were together for all those months. Now He want contact with the child using video calling and I don’t know how to handle this as I really do not want no contact with him

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 17, 2020 at 7:05 pm

      Hi Nosi, you can allow your child to have video chats with him but there is no need for you to talk to him. You can accept the call and then place the camera on your child and then walk away enough so that he does not speak with you or see you on camera

  4. Avatar

    Jill R

    February 22, 2020 at 2:19 am

    Hi, my bf asked to take a break a few days ago but i’m not sure why he doesn’t just want to end it and i’ve been doing the no contact rule to him but i’m not sure if he knows that and he just texted me to ask how am i, and if everything is good. but i saw on instagram that he went clubbing with his group of friends and one of his female friend was wearing his shirt. am i overthinking? did he cheat on me before asking for a break?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 9:59 pm

      Hi Jill I would not jump to assumptions as this is going to cause arguments that may be from nothing. Unless you have proof he cheated do not mention it. The fact he wanted a break could be a number of things. During this time you need to stick to no contact and let him have some space so he has that chance to think and miss you. Work on yourself and remain social with your friends during that time too

  5. Avatar

    Shruti Singh

    February 21, 2020 at 3:00 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 2.5 yrs of relationship…. The reason that he gave was that he is frustrated with his daily life and he has a lot going on with him… That now when we fight it affects him a lot and he doesn’t feel the same way about me… He broke up with me over the phone… On his birthday he tried giving me a hint about his idea of breaking up but I bursted out crying and out of sympathy he couldn’t dump me then(wch I obviously didn’t do on purpose, it was just the thought of he leaving me made me cry)… There have been a lot of times when I had forgiven tons of his shit because I wanted to make this relationship work but he got this one chance to break up with me and he happily took it… He has done a lot for me and I’ve always been there for me… I never expected him to just leave me like this… Its been the worst days for me… Crying around the house… Should i wait for him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 9:43 pm

      Hey Shruti, so I can not tell you to wait for him or to move on. I can only advise you on how to do either. Take some time for yourself to get over the break up and then decide what you want to do, I’d be happy to advise you when you have made your mind up

  6. Avatar

    KV

    February 11, 2020 at 10:41 pm

    Hello,

    My ex broke up with me 2 days ago, after spending 1.5 years together happily. It was all good just 1 day before the breakup and all of a sudden he came to realise that I am not the one he wants to spend the rest of the life with. I tried to get to know more about the reasons behind and explain to him the the every assumptions he had made about me not being good enough. But he is very determined on it no matter how i asked him to resolve the issues together…and he blocked me on all social media. I have never been this heart-broken because this wasnt me or any or our friends were expecting. Although he finally agreed that he would find me one month later, I have no confidence that he would change his mind…I want him back so badly, what should i be doing now? Since he has blocked my social media accounts, there is no way he could know anything about me for now…I refrained myself from calling him and it was so hard. I don’t want to lose him…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 15, 2020 at 4:58 pm

      Hey KV you should be in No contact now where you do not reach out or reply to your ex if they reach out to you. Now as for him making assumptions about you, this is based on what he sees and hears from you and what you want from life. So going forward you need to work on yourself enough to show the type of person you are, what you want from your life, for yourself, and plan towards your future.

  7. Avatar

    Kelsey

    February 1, 2020 at 2:03 am

    I need help.
    My ex is engaged to another girl, but he recently dm’ed me, followed me on instagram, and liked 5 old photos of me in one night. He says he still has love for me, lost my number and would like me to text him.

    What do I do??

    I think we need proper closure and maybe he needs that before he embarks on this journey with his new girl?
    Perhaps he misses my friendship? Could he simply want to be friends?
    I’m not sure I want to see him but we honestly never had closure but it was the hardest year of my life trying to get over him. I’m still really not. I would love any advice….

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 7, 2020 at 8:53 pm

      Hey Kelsey, he is engaged to someone else but is telling you he loves you. I would explain to him that you are not willing to be the other woman in the situation he can not have you both. I would not text him, I would reply using the media he used to contact you. And if he does not leave the woman he is engaged to then walk away

  8. Avatar

    Dee

    January 17, 2020 at 1:27 am

    How do you initiate no contact with someone you have kids with ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 2:01 pm

      Its called Limited No Contact, you will find article about it on this website

  9. Avatar

    Nibbor

    January 16, 2020 at 5:42 pm

    We have been casual friends for 30 years. We started working together at a company, and the physical attraction was there. After much flirting, we slept together. I had not had a sexual relationship in years. Meanwhile, he met another woman, that was calling him everyday. Playing with her mind. She did not sleep with him, and knew about me. Mind game. Anyhow, I am moving out of state. Should I say goodbye. Because I do not call him either. But am annoyed. I feel like he used me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 9:49 pm

      That’s totally your decision if you want to say goodbye to him

  10. Avatar

    Karen

    January 12, 2020 at 11:23 pm

    So my boyfriend broke up with me 4 days before Christmas, we had a few rows but always got back but this time he said hes done. Never heard anything so contacted him new years day and he said he still felt the same . I’m still in no contact but I dont think hes bothered anyway . We were together 19 months felt like it ment nothing .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:12 pm

      Hey Karen, stick with the No Contact and focus on yourself, some self work and live your life showing the most interesting and fun times on social media, because it is highly likely that your ex is keeping an eye on your social media from time to time.

  11. Avatar

    Ace

    December 30, 2019 at 5:05 pm

    Hi,
    I happened to run into someone I was seeing for 3 months when I was having brunch with a friend. We were in no contact for 2-3 months after he ghosted me for another person. He goes out of his way to make small talk which made me feel a bit awkward since I haven’t really talked to him since we were together. I found it difficult to even introduce him to my friend because we were only seeing each other, went on dates, never clarified what it was, and we were intimately close. So I went with just making small talk and acknowledging his presence as he just want to say hi but it felt a bit drawn out on his end. I am not one for small talks either and talked what we doing since he asked and that was it. My question is, how do I go about be handling another interaction better and less awkward with him since we’re more than likely to see each other again. It also made my friend weirded out by him approaching us out of nowhere. So I got my friend up-to-speed about the situation at hand after brunch. I’m not even sure whether to consider us as friends especially since I’ve only been romantically involved with him. I’ve also been meeting and becoming friends with other people because I’ve only made friends with his friends. I still care for the guy and I don’t like feeling uncomfortable when we’re around each other.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 4:57 am

      Hi Ace, so the first time you bump into someone after you stop seeing them is going to be awkward as you are not sure what to say, but just the usual politeness of saying hello and walk past, or turn back to your friend probably would be best if you are not a person who is able to make small talk

  12. Avatar

    Arya

    November 28, 2019 at 3:53 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex officially broke up with me on Sunday Nov 17th. We have been together for nearly 2 years. He said that he was being practical by breaking up with me. I obviously broke down and kept asking him if this was really it, and that I really wanted to give this relationship one last shot. But he was mentally checked out, and I really could not force him to stay. The same day he called me a few times, and texted me. And this went on till Tuesday night.He then stopped contacting me. I sent him back all the presents he had once given me, and I wrote him a note saying, it didn’t feel right or make sense for me to keep any of this if we weren’t together. And then he texted me again on Thursday when he received the package. And that was the last time he contacted me. I didn’t pick any of those calls,or respond to those texts. So I guess I officially started the no contact after Thursday. I am still on the no contact. Did I ruin my chances of getting him back? Will he ever reach out again?

    Thank you.
    Best,
    Arya

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 30, 2019 at 10:51 pm

      Hi Arya, so no you have not ruined your chances sticking with your No Contact even though he reached out to you is a good thing and make sure you keep going until your 30 days are up. In the mean time do some work on yourself so that you are becoming the Ungettable girl so he regrets letting you go

  13. Avatar

    Debra

    October 11, 2019 at 12:23 pm

    Hi Chris, I was dating a coworker for 4 months. We only saw each other on Saturday night or Sunday night for dinner/movie. He was texting me first thing in the morning and several times brought coffee to me, as well as lunch dates a few times. During the 4 months we were intimate twice. He was a gentleman and did not push himself on me. In fact, I thought maybe he wasn’t attracted to me in that way. We did hug/kiss until one night I initiated more intimacy. In the beginning of the relationship I complimented him on his looks, he told me he doesn’t like compliments and to not put him on a pedestal. So I stopped the compliments. He also said he did not like to receive gifts. He did not ever compliment me however. I was ok with that. I did ask after 3 months if we could have lunch one day a week or see each other one additional night for dinner or coffee. We would face time each other every night as well before bed. He said ok but it did not happen. He works 8 hours a day, gets up early at 4:15 and takes a nap after work for about an hour or so, goes to bed by 9:15. I understood all of that and did not put pressure on him. He told me he use to have lunch with his mother on Saturdays until we started going out and then our relationship developed into a pattern of Saturday nights and therefore he couldn’t see his mother, especially if he had to work that Saturday. This was not known to me until he said it. I told him that all he had to do was tell me and I would understand. He did tell me in the beginning and we agreed we wanted a long-term exclusive relationship. He told me he thought I was trying to force the relationship and it freaked him out. I was going by his lead, I think, because he was so into me in the beginning that I felt comfortable to be that way back. I probably assumed, wrongly so, that Saturday night was out night. Anyway, we had a lot of fun together, he was rude to me a few times, said he knew it and apologized, he is OCD, but I was able to overlook that. He also told me he was troubled by the fact I revisited a restaurant we went to for lunch, about a week after we went, because I wanted to get a carry out for my and my sons dinner that night. He asked me why I would go there after he took me, he said it was like I was copying him…and said it freaked him out. I said I went there because the food was so good. I miss him, I want to text him, but know I should not. Advise??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 12, 2019 at 11:31 pm

      Hi Debra the reaction to you going to that restaurant is an emotional one where you need to understand he may not be coping with the break up well. If you want to get him back then start texting as a friend first and build up to flirting as if it was a new person again

  14. Avatar

    Renee

    August 17, 2019 at 10:13 am

    Hi
    I started dating a guy six months back. He confessed he likes me. Looking at the charm and politeness I showed interest in him. We used to chat for hours. Then we started meeting up again and again. But after 4 months I asked him to commit to me. He said he can’t commit because of employment and family pressure. Also he is a widower, though I came to know about it 3 months after I dated him.
    Now we started fighting a lot. I got his phone call cut off in the middle of the conversation and he got yelled at by me.
    He told me he got jailed for a pending case.
    He blocked me on WhatsApp. He then contacted after 7 days saying he is calling from jail.
    I doubted that so I checked his social media through my friends account. Devastated to find that he still exists on them all with the exception of blocking me.
    I kept fighting for my live and asked the reason he did that. For 15days he simply picked my call asked my wellbeing and ignored me. No happiness or excitement can be seen.
    Yesterday he again called after drinking saying he want me back. I said ok. Made him apologize. Today he hasn’t called yet. Still ignoring my text.
    Why do you think he contacted me then?
    What to do?
    I am addicted to him.

  15. Avatar

    BH

    August 4, 2019 at 5:52 pm

    My ex was my fiance, we just bought a home together. He was a mamas boy and I was starting to call him out on things, and his mother started being very evil and controlling towards me. He finally couldn’t handle the stress and just left with my engagement ring. A friend who I asked to be a bridesmaid then started slandering my name and bringing up my personal life story in lies and he fed off it. I caught him in a lie, he blocked me, and told me if I contacted him in any way he would see it as harrassment and treat it approrpiately. What in the what happened? I feel all kind of things from this was a huge mistake you got cold feet thats all, to no one should have been in our business, to he chose to listen and not stand by me, to how can you just love enough to marry me and buy a home with me and leave and block so coldly. I was so in love, and am going through all the grief, loss, anger, hurt, confusion. Want him back so bad but dont think I could ever be okay with how I was treated. Focus on yourself everyone says. Hard to do sometimes when your dreams are shattered and heart crushed into pieces. I’m at a loss.

  16. Avatar

    Ning

    July 25, 2019 at 3:14 pm

    Hi…i m ning my ex broke up with me without any reason its been 1 year bt i really luv him recently i posted insta story with some1else and he unfollowed me …now i have to go to my relative’s place where he lives plz tell me ho to get him back or how to face him ..how to get him back

  17. Avatar

    Maitri

    July 1, 2019 at 6:56 am

    I was dating a guy for the past 4 months. He had a rough past where in out of his 3 previous relationships, he had been cheated on twice. He trusted me, but never opened up with me. We fought in and out for being secretive and not sharing his thoughts and one day he ended up the relationship saying that he couldnt change himself, and was apologetic.

    But post breakup he came and looked out for me atleast once in a day ( we both work in the same organisation) a few weeks later I confronted “what exactly went wrong” and finally he told a little about his past and added that he knows he will eventually regret dumping me in the long run. But he wasnt willing to be friends and still comes and looks out for me.

    What exactly is on his mind ?

  18. Avatar

    Susan

    May 16, 2019 at 12:01 am

    Hi,
    Susan hope u cant effective advise regarding may situation.last yr 2018 nov. I met him, since then we see each other once a week till we love each other. We have alot in common we are happy when we are together..he have already wife and have two kids, he always td me that im very big different regarding attitudes to his wife he told me theyve always fighting. Till time camw that his wife block him at social a d also the phone..she told not to go home already.tgen peb.2019 ge went to his home to see his 2 kids but surprise him that his wife gone with other man..his wife left her kids and brought his atm all his salary. He sent tx to me that he will bri g his 2 kids 2 my house but i didnr replied to him because i got shock and im not ready. I turned off my phone the whe day so he couldnt called me up and i leave house and stay my friends house. At night when i open my phone my sister tx me, that may boy fruend and his 2 kids are already at home and my boy friend left his 2 kids at home and he went to the site where he is working. I didnt comeback at home that night. In the morning when im home i saw his 2 kids sleeping besides my 2 baby. And i decided to bring his 2 kids to the bar if my sister beside the site where he used to work. I called him to come up and told him that they myst find first a house where they could live because im not yet ready. I helped them find thier shelter and all expencess shoulder by me because he dont have any money by that time. Half month i shouldered anything they needs and get nany gor his two kids. I spent time then at night then i spent time with my kids at day time.month has past by his kuds got sick and mine to ge always told me that we should live together with oyr kids in same house as a family.i ralk to him very sincrely i told him think it very well before we decide to live together..if still love yoyr wife and what if time comes she will vome back to you are welling to forgive her…he answered no i dont love her anymore and i dont like to ve with her i want both of us and kids start new family. So we live together here my hoyse he nrought his kids and we live happy i love his 2 kids as mine i serve him them with love we go out every sunday he helped me at home when time we dont have a helper he got home early to helped some house work. But all of the sudden wife come up because she didnt have good life with her boyfriend they dont have work and they dont have anything. Wife came up to the baranggay and demand for her kids to gave her and also the financial. My boy friend dont want to give to her thier 2 kids but at the end they have agrrement already the wife said that his husba d kidnapped tbeir 2 kids and the costudy was under to thier mother because 6 and 5 yrs old the age if thier kids..then agreement already made by baranggay. After 1 week again wife summon again to my boy friend that if her husband wont comeback to her she will file a case foy adultery and send to prison and fired his work if would come back to her. My my boy told me he will settle first and comeback to.me in the night. I let him go there at the baranngay to settle down e erything..but till midnight he didnt come back home. I texted him that i couldnt slept ge replied sorry i ll come back there very early in the morning.but again 8am already he still didnt come home i called him but he cacelled my call..and sent tx to me that i must not waited for him and leave tgem free because they still love to each other.i cried but i replied to him. I said its ok im not the one would will cause for your together and for your happiness. Then i went to hospital that night because im difficult to breathe then txted me around 9 pm he asked me. Where are you im here at your house i will get my clothes and other things.i said im here at the hospital he said is there person you left some ket duplicate. I said no..it went me dkwn and more hurtfull.why all of that he treated me that way why he excited getting his clothes instead of comforting first ralk me first..why he want get only clothes even without me at home. Where is the respect for me and all those days that they have nothing but im there at there side..its so hurt and all went me down to much anxiety and depression because he dumped me ì feel im only a garbage after all i felt he didnt value all about me ge dont care my feelings. Then he came up home and get his clothes he told me that he had nothing to do but to select his family than to have any trouble he said he treasured me and love me and cant forget.and he said i want you to e still for me because i dont want you lost but i have to settle down my family first.but no ge didnt care me he didnt call or texted me even i am sick he told me that ge would come to bring medicine but he didnt. I felt he pulling and it seems he didnt care me anymore..and that im sick now im suffering to much anxiety and depression.how to do i live him very much i xant eat well and its difficult to sleep pls..pls i need advise and what is the best things to do and how could i ket him realize that hexwas wrong by treated me like a garbage..pls i will read all your advise..im so sad and hopeless why hextreated me that way..
    Sincerely..susan and thanks for reading my story. What to do and what should i do

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 16, 2019 at 3:18 am

      Hi Susan…I can see you have been thru a lot . The focus now should be on your healing and recovery. My website is filled with helpful articles and podcasts that can strengthen your resolve and give you perspective, so feel free to tap into that. You are important to many people and your energies should be invested in lifting up “you” and doing things for yourself so you can find that emotional balance you deserve.

  19. Avatar

    Susan

    May 15, 2019 at 10:44 pm

    Thank you for this nice advice

  20. Avatar

    Nat

    November 2, 2018 at 12:49 pm

    Hi. Chris.
    I broke up with my ex three weeks ago without any formal closure. I suddenly disappeared from his view to implement my NC. He contacted me for two days before he stopped texting. I thought I will not come back to him because he is no good for me but I guess it’s because of the attachment and habit, I just couldn’t let this relationship go. I check my phone all the time expecting any message or missed call from him but it has been three weeks since my NC and I did
    not hear from him except his replies for my message. I texted him after NC for two weeks talking about my night out with friends and he replied two messages politely and friendly and our conversation ended. I did not hear from him since then. I guess he lost his interest and has moved on. Should I text him to have a formal closure?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 2, 2018 at 10:49 pm

      Hi Nat!

      I would give it a break for awhile. Then reach out in a few week. Could be a different situation by then.

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