How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Imagine a situation in which you notice your boyfriend is acting strange.

You know him well as you have been dating the guy for over a year.  But in the last few weeks you have been getting these strange signals.  Part of you just ignores it.  You have been burned before by guys who broke up with you, just when you thought things were getting good.  So part of you really don’t want to think about your boyfriend slipping out of your life.

So you tell yourself that you shouldn’t dwell on the negative.  Perhaps your boyfriend is just going through a phase.  After all, he can get moody and usually after a day or two, he snaps out of it.

There is this part of you that sometimes gets these panicky thoughts.

How can you stop your boyfriend from leaving you, if it comes to that, you wonder?  But you quickly regain your senses, brushing away such silliness.  You tell yourself to stop thinking this way.  You know he loves you and nothing on god’s green earth is ever going to come between you and your boyfriend.

The Fear of Losing Him Rises Up

But there is this other part of you that fears the worst.

It keeps bubbling up.

You know deep inside your boyfriend is acting different around you.  He pulls away sooner when the two of you embrace. He seems to have a few too many excuses why he doesn’t want to do certain things with you.

As these thoughts pile up, you become even more concerned and fantasies of your boyfriend breaking up with you begin to dominate your mind.

You start creating these elaborate dramas, playing inside your mind, as a way to prepare yourself.  You know it is probably not a good thing to do, but you do it anyway.  You figure it helps to play out the different scenarios which could lead to a breakup.  So long as you have some good answers, you can get things back on track with him, you think to yourself.

If you can see it before hand, just perhaps you can head it off as the pass.

Stopping your boyfriend from doing something that he may not even be thinking of doing, sounds a bit crazy, but it works on some level.  After all, you are just bracing yourself, right?

Why must relationships be some complicated, you reflect to yourself!

Help! I Think My Boyfriend is Going to Leave Me

But make no bones about it, you are worried that your boyfriend is going to leave you out in the cold.

You may even be petrified that he is going to leave you any minute now. The imaginary conversations of the mind you have with your boyfriend are starting to create more anxiety because it is happening too often.

The past experiences with guys have taught you that they can get twitchy and quiet when something is on their mind.

Former boyfriends also had the habit of just making themselves scarce, avoiding you when you tried to reach out.  Or even when the two of you were together, you felt like you were really alone.

What is it like when you feel you are the one pushing to do things and plan things?

Not so good if the two of you were known to collaborate on you activities together.

Once again, you find yourself battling with whether your female intuition is a harbinger of a coming breakup or if it is just your imagination running amok.

In the past, when your boyfriends pulled away, you fought like mad to stop them from ending it.  Sometimes you succeed, but more often it just muddied the waters, forestalling an eventual breakup.

You cried and begged and when that didn’t work out, you got angry and hurled insults and accusations.  But you were younger then, less experienced and this time is probably different, you think.

But what if is was happening?

What would you do different this time around to stop your boyfriend from just ending it?

What could you do to keep things from even getting there?

How do you even know that you are doing something wrong that might be turning off your guy?

Whatever caused it (you reason), what is important is to prevent the relationship from collapsing.  Right??

You are not going down without a fight, you think to yourself.

You have worked too hard to give up and deep inside your heart, you know that if your boyfriend does want to end things, he making a huge mistake. The two of you have worked hard as a couple at setting aside the petty fights. There has even been talk of longer term plans.

Yet, the feeling that your boyfriend may slip out of your life is taking its toll.

But what should you do?

Should you bring up the topic with him?  Or should you tack in the opposite direction.  Maybe you should just give him some room.  The less pressure, the better, right?

What is one to do when they feel the magic of the relationship is just slowly slipping away?

How Do You Know If Your Boyfriend Is Slipping Away From You?

The little story I related above could be anyone’s tale.

Many of my clients have told me similar stories about how they just “felt it coming”.

They could tell, before it happened, that their boyfriend wanted out.  Sometimes their guy would not come out and say they want to breakup, but they could sense his lack of enthusiasm about being with them.

It can feel like the air is being let out of the balloon when your boyfriend starts pulling away from your relationship. It is like the clouds before the storm. You can see it forming and it seems you can do little to stop it.

I liken this to what I call the Pre-Breakup Phase.

This is when all these little cues and signals you have been getting from you boyfriend starts to accumulate and that dreaded feeling of helplessness settles into your stomach.

Some people try to push it out of their mind.  Yep, even in the world of boyfriend and girlfriend breakups, denial and self delusion is alive and well.

But don’t beat yourself up if this has happened to you or is occurring right now.  It is a normal reaction.  When our heart is bonded closely to someone we love and care about a lot, it can be had for our rational brain to accept some of the telltale signs.

Is Your Boyfriend Trying To Escape?

So since we are on the subject, what are some of the signs or signals you might be seeing that can cue you in that your boyfriend is wanting to call an end to things?

Quite honestly, you can never be sure what is going on in your boyfriend’s brain because guys process things differently than women.  They tend to hold things in more, so you can’t get confusing signals.  And depending on the type of man you are with and their attachment style, there are any number of reasons for why you might misjudge their intentions.

But let’s assume your boyfriend is looking to escape the relationship.  What are some of those behaviors that will give him away?

There are some cues you can look for that might just clue you in on what is going on in his mind.

Now as a disclaimer, just because your boyfriend behaves in some of the ways I describe below doesn’t necessarily mean he is on the verge of ending the relationship with you.

There could be other reasons for why his behavior is outside of the norm.

But let’s say, the dirty rotten scoundrel is wanting to dump you!  What are the signs?

How Do You Know Your Boyfriend Wants Out?

More often than not, if your lover is acting out in a lot of the ways summarized below, then there is a good chance your boyfriend is trying to ease his way out of the relationship.

1.Your lover is no longer telling you how much he loves you.

Your guy, who use to tell you he loves you all the time to the extent you got those warm fuzzy feelings that every beloved girl should receive, is now seldom even uttering the words.

He goes from rushing up to you to say how much he misses and loves you to a demeanor in which he will only express his love for you if you tell him first.  And even in these cases, your boyfriend’s effort comes off as sounding disingenuous and somewhat forced.

2. Your boyfriend seems nervous, even agitated around you.

The same guy who use to hug you warmly and tell you all about his day is now as quiet as a mouse.  He clams up when you come a calling. He is no longer sharing things about what he is up to.  He seems more aloof and when you make efforts to talk with him he generally wants to end the conversation and pivot into another direction.

Sometimes that pivot is him telling you he has to suddenly go somewhere.  Yep, he gives himself away when he starts getting jumpy and impulsive.  If you didn’t know better, you would think he was avoiding you.

Of course, that is exactly what he is up to.  In a situation where a breakup is imminent, he will start to avoid eye contact.

Psychologically, he is trying to escape the burden of having to tell you that he wants to end things.  So you end up getting this kind of crazy behavior. At least it seems odd at the time until you start putting it all together later during the aftermath of the split up.

 3. Your guy is not Communicating.

It all seems like a fairy tale when you think about the past and how your man use to talk and talk and talk your ear off.

There was nothing that seemed off limits.

Conversation with your boyfriend just poured out naturally, interrupted with moments of intimacy and fun filled situations.

But that was then and this is now and you are wondering why your boyfriend can’t even take the time to respond to your text messages.

You wonder why he NEVER initiates the first call and seems to have an excuse, ready made, to explain why he doesn’t have time for you.  It is a tell tale sign when the guy you are dating and have been seeing for a long times, suddenly in mid course of the relationship, starts ignoring you, your text messages, and your phone calls for hours and days at a time.

4. Your Man starts to hint around things.

Do you ever get that feeling that your boyfriend is trying to tell you something, but he never gets around to laying it all out there?

If so, it could be because he is hiding something from you. Maybe his feelings are confused about you and he is not sure what he wants.  Frankly, there are a lot of guys who just don’t have their stuff together.

They may be plagued with uncertainty about a great many things.

They may be afraid to make commitments and sometimes these behaviors can run deep at a psychological level.

There is this one kind of personality attachment style called “Avoidance”.

Some men have trouble with starting and sustaining relationships with women.  Maybe they have been burned before by another girl and those painful memories sear at the back of their mind.

Sometimes, it is just in their makeup to avoid getting too serious because of some “fear” they are grappling with deep inside. Maybe the guy is just selfish and wants to keep all of his options open and so when the relationship looks like it is getting less interesting, they start looking to withdraw.

So when this kind of thing unfolds, you will usually get these unmistakable little signs where your boyfriend might talk about “taking a break” or “let’s just slow things down a bit” or “let’s not get ahead of ourselves” or “let’s just flow with things and see where it takes us”.

When you start picking up on these vague hints that he doesn’t want to get bogged down, then it is likely something is up.

What Can You Stop Your Boyfriend from Breaking Up With You?

Well, this is what everybody wants to know when they sense their boyfriend is pulling away.  Many of my clients are looking for a recipe to get their guy to realize the stupidity of ending things with you.   After all, you are a great catch.  What possesses your boyfriend to screw everything up that you both worked so hard to create.

I guess I am not your ordinary relationship coach.  More advice may go against the grain of what you might expect.

The first question you might want to ask yourself is “are you really sure you don’t want him to go through with it.”

Just maybe it is one of the best things that could ever have happened.

Maybe you don’t want to hear this line of reasoning and if you are getting annoyed with me, I understand.

But hear me out first.

Then we will get into those situations of boyfriends that might still be worth your effort to try and get back.

First, let’s talk about why you might be feeling the way you are.  It is natural to stop someone from doing something that goes against your immediate wishes and desires.

If you and your boyfriend spent a good amount of time together then you guys have formed a lot of shared memories and created many moments that ties you together. If you have had sex with your boyfriend, then that bond of togetherness and connection is even more powerful.

We can call it love.  I love that word!

But to be honest, we should also recognize that those feelings of love and attachment and connection are also driven by neurotransmitters in our brains.  The release of dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin and a bunch of other chemicals our brain releases will have a profound effect on your when you are in love.

And when someone is about to take all that away from you, it is perfectly natural to fight it.  Because after all, all of us who are in love are addicted in some ways to the one we are in love with.  More precisely, we are addicted to those chemicals that spring forth when we are love and hug, share experiences, have brief intimate moments, and have long prolonged sex.

Just merely gazing into your boyfriend’s eyes can release a bunch of neurotransmitters of the brain.

So what is my point?

Essentially, beware of yourself.  You will want to stop him from breaking up with you because you may feel desperately tied to him and your addiction for more of those wonderful moments that release the neurotransmitters.  Your boyfriend may have been treating you like crap, exhibiting all kinds of controlling and semi abusive behaviors, but the pull of your addiction to these hormones can unduly influence how your view and process things.

Remember.  Your boyfriend (or soon to be ex boyfriend) is not the only one that you can meet and fall in love with.

If things don’t work out in the long run, don’t forget that the emotion of feeling like you desperately need him back in your life will subside and if you do many of the things I talk about in this website, you will be in a better place emotionally and spiritually.

Anyway, what can you do to stop him from call it quits on the relationship?

What can you do to convince your boyfriend he is making a huge mistake by breaking off the romance with you?

What can you do to make your boyfriend realize he is really blowing it if he let’s you go?

The Solution is elegant and sublime.  And I will break it down for you by steps.

1. Don’t stop your boyfriend from Breaking up with you.  

He is going to expect that you will put up a lot of resistance.  That is one of his fears. That is why he has been avoiding you and acting weird around you.

So don’t play into his fears.  Tack the opposite way.  It conveys to him that you are not wholly dependent on him, which unconsciously will make him more attracted to you.  Remember, all boyfriends want that which they can’t have.  In the beginning, before you agreed to being a couple of sorts, you were single.

He was single.

Only later as things evolved, did you mutually agree to be a couple.

If he wants to break that bond, fine.

Later he will have some explaining to do if he truly wants you back.  So give him some rope.  He is likely to later get tied up in knots wishing he had not let you go.  Sure, you will want to know and understand what your boyfriend’s reasoning was for ending it.  But don’t dwell on the detail.  It is unlikely you will get the full truth at that time as to why he wants to split up.

2. Keep your emotions out of it.  

Your boyfriend started all this, not you.

You didn’t want to end things.

It is his idea and he precipitated the whole discussion about you each going your on way.

Don’t be bitter.

Don’t be angry.

I know that is a big ask, but to the extent you can keep your emotions out of it (and you will be filled to the brim with lots of conflicted feelings), you will be better off in the long run.  The ideas is not trying to beg and plea for him to give the relationship another try.

That seldom works and it ends up making you look weak and powerless.

That is not what you are shooting for.  If he is going to push for this breakup, then give it to him and walk away with your pride and self respect fully intact.

Time is a big arbitrator when it comes to settling things. In time, you will gain more perspective as to what you want.

Eventually, your boyfriend  will have his own wake up call, maybe even realizing he made a foolish decision.

3. Begin the No Contact Period. 

From here on out, your boyfriend is going to get to know the new you.

But he is going to have to work at it.

What do I mean by that?

Well, quite frankly, most guys when they break up with their girlfriends expect their former lover to miss them.  They are expecting to hear from you and may check in with you to see how you are doing.

Don’t give them the luxury of fulfilling that wish.  Boyfriends never realize how much they will miss their girlfriends until much later. Then it will hit them like a pile of bricks assuming it was not some kind of terrible dysfunctional relationship.

Every guy is different, so it is hard to predict their exact behavior. But if the parting of ways went smoothly (you behaved like a pro) and the prior relationship with him had its share of really good times, then they will have a little hunger inside them that will awaken after days later.

There thoughts will gravitate back to you and they will want to check in with you.

They will probably Facebook stalk you.

But you are not going to fall for that.

So No Contact is just what it sounds like.

You are not going to be initiating any communications with your former lover, nor will you be responding to any of your boyfriend’s efforts to check up on you.  All of this will cause them to want you more.

But more importantly, it will allow you time to become the Ungettable Girl.

4. Become the Ungettable Girl.

You are going to be using the No Contact period as an opportunity to heal and grow and play and feel beautiful.  Essentially you want to make yourself into the best version of YOU that ever existed.  This will make you even more attractive and desirable to your ex boyfriend.

You may even discover you don’t want him back.

Look, there is so much more we can talk about today, but let’s agree we will end it here.  I encourage you to read the hundreds of posts I provide to my audience.  If you want to really dive into the details of how to best position yourself to get your ex back, then check out some of my E books.

And please, don’t fall into the trap of trying to talk your boyfriend out of breaking up with you if he springs the awful news on you.

If he is really serious about it, then it is probably best to let the breakup run its course.  The gravity of his behavior is already in motion.  It is very unlikely you will be able to change his mind.  And if somehow you get him to look at things differently, he may resent you later and the two of you could be plagued by a series of breakup and get back together moments.

Sometimes it is best to give people what they think they want.

You might believe they are making a mistake.  But allow them to fail and learn.  In the meantime, you too may learn something about yourself and your boyfriend.  And with that knowledge, you will be better served to choose the correct path going forward.

February 16, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (4)

  1. Elizabeth - 0

    Elizabeth

    My husband and i are seperated for four years. We have a 4 year old child together. We have been together for over 13 years. The good news is he hasn’t proceeded to divorce and has no urgency to do so. We keep in touch daily n he meet us once a week. Both of us do not have a third party. The bad news is i can’t break down his defence mechanism with me. I know the reasons why he fell out of love with me. It is all caused by me.

    Given it has been for four years and i have done one round of NC two years ago n a few broken ones,i do not see doing it now is effective. Also,we have built rapport. However,i can’t get a breakthrough.

    How can i take it from here (leverage on our daily contact and regular meetup) and make a break through of the situation / reset his negative image in his head n induce him to desire a full reconciliation?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Elizabeth,

      when did you last ask him to be back together? And does he know now how you feel?

    • Elizabeth - 0

      Elizabeth

      I wouldn’t ask him to get back together because he would just avoid the question. I did express to him that i expect marriage lasts a lifetime and if there is anything i didn’t do well,i asked him to lead me as he is my husband.

      He always knows i want a reconciliation from day one of seperation. I think that is partly why he hasn’t proceeded with a divorce and put things on hold. However,i didn’t make a good consistent improvement to turn around his negative image of me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok.. well, good that you didn’t beg for him back. honestly, 4 years is a long time but as you said, you didn’t change massively and he knows that you want him back. So, there’s like no mystery for him anymore.. Yeah, you’re not chasing, but in his mind, probably, you’re the ex wife that can’t let go… I hope not though but right now try minimal contact. Do at least 45 days, and keep improving yourself even after that. Because you have to change first, he has to feel he’s losing you while you’re improving yourself. So, that there’s that sense of regret, mystery, interest and wanting you back.. check this one:
      Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

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