By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 11th, 2021

It’s a question I get asked every single day.

“What is he thinking?”

Or if you want me to be more specific:

“Now that I am in no contact can you explain what is going on in his mind?”

I decided to put this guide together to put a rest to these questions once and for all. I am going to be attempting to explain everything I know about how men react to the no contact rule. If you aren’t familiar with my website then let me give you a quick breakdown of what I am all about.

Every single “guide,” I like to use the word guide to explain my posts/articles because it sounds more authoritative, anyways, every single guide I have ever written is very long and in-depth and this particular guide will be no different. Some of the things I talk about may be hard for you to hear but at it’s core it will come from a place of truth.

In the end, I subscribe to the theory that in order for me to best help you get your ex boyfriend back you need to see the entire picture and that is what I am doing here with this guide, helping you see the parts of the picture you are missing particularly if you’re ignoring him..

(Side Note: If you want a full accounting of the “big picture” that you are missing the best place for you to start is with Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program my massive program detailing all of my best theories on how to improve your chances with your ex.)

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Your Failure Of The No Contact Rule

Every single day I carve out an hour or two to answer comments and questions from the readers of this site.

At times I feel like a robot constantly repeating myself…

“Have you done NC?”

“Are you currently in NC?”

Some women will tell me that they tried the NC rule but failed after only 4 days. Others make it deep into “uncharted territory,” 10 days, before they fail.

I get it.

The no contact rule can be an extremely hard thing to complete. After all, I am asking you to essentially cut your ex boyfriend off for a full month. To be more specific, you can’t talk, text or respond to any type of communication from him.

(If you would like a full explanation of the No Contact Rule please visit this page or simply watch the video below,)

It’s funny to me that so many women fail at something SO CRUCIAL to get their ex boyfriends back.

I mean, if I told you that you would get a 100% success recovery rate if all you had to do was make it through 30 days without contacting your ex there would still be some women who would fail at not contacting their ex.

I liken it to a little kid being told “you cannot have that cookie.” The little kid knows that it is wrong to take a cookie from the jar but decides to do it anyways. Are you seeing the analogy yet?

You= the little kid.

Your ex= the cookie.

Now, lets take a look at WHY you keep reaching your hand in the cookie jar.

Whenever I write one of these guides I tend to do a lot of outlining and research. However, when I asked myself a simple question “why is it that so many women keep breaking NC?” I didn’t have to look very far for the ansewr. In fact, if you are a constant reader of this site then you won’t have to look very far either. A simple viewing of the comments should give you a pretty clear picture.

Oh, I broke NC because I didn’t want him to think less of me…

I didn’t know what he was thinking and it was driving me nuts…

I am afraid he will lose interest in me…

What if he runs off with some other girl…

With all of the concerns listed above what is the one constant?

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While I admit there are many constants in the concerns above the correct answer I am looking for lies in a simple truth. Any woman who implements a no contact rule is uncertain about what is going on in her exes mind.

Therein lies the foundation on which this guide was built, helping you to better understand what goes on in your exes mind so YOU can succeed with the no contact rule!

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Understanding Men During NC

It doesn’t take a genius to tell that men and women are very different creatures.

Men, much more physical, tend to lack when it comes to social situations.

Women, much more social, tend to lack when it comes to physical situations.

This is an interesting view to take when you look at our species as a whole. It explains why men need women and women need men. However, it also explains why we get our wires crossed so often.

I am a man. I understand how they think. I understand why most of my peers do the things they do. This puts YOU in a very unique position because I am spreading all of our dirty little secrets. Every single one I want to give you access to so you can better understand us.

To be more specific, I am going to be talking about how a man can possibly react (and what he will think) when a woman implements a no contact rule on him.

The first thing I need to teach you has to do with the differences in men.

Men Are Different From Women

george carlin men vs women

Above I established that men and women are different creatures. Well, I would like to take that a step further and say that not all men are the same. For example, what I find attractive in a woman another man may not.

One of my best friends springs to mind here. As two young single guys we often talk about one topic, women. I remember a few months ago my friend went on this rant about how he likes a particular “type” of woman. After his rant I chimed in and explained the type of woman I liked. In the end, we agreed to disagree but I think this little anecdote proves an interesting point.

What may be true for a lot of men may not be true for your man.

This is an important concept to understand because what I am about to explain next only exisits because of the “men are different from men” phenomenon.

When it comes to the no contact rule I have found that there are 7 main reactions and thoughts that men will have. Each reaction is different from the other in its own unique way. Now, I will eventually get around to explaining the “reactions” to you but first I need to teach you something else.

Whatever Reaction You Get Depends On Your Relationship

relationship meme

Above I established that each man is different in his own unique way. That concept will certainly have a “tie in” to the 7 different reactions I talk about later in this guide but if I am being completely truthful with you then I would say that what I am about to explain here is the single biggest factor into HOW your ex is going to react during the no contact rule.

I want you to think back to your old relationship.

Now, obviously your old relationship failed for some reason. Right now that doesn’t matter. Right now we are going to be looking at something far more valuable. Something I like to call the aftertaste effect!

What Is The Aftertaste Effect?

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When I began writing Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I had a list that I put together designed to detail all of the best strategies that I found that worked to get an ex back so that I could put it in the book.

The aftertaste effect was one of those strategies.

Do you have a favorite candy?

I know I certainly do.

Whenever you eat a candy you are left with a certain aftertaste. It is that aftertaste that compels you to come back and keep eating that candy. For me the candy that has the best aftertaste is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. For some reason every time I eat one I end up eating two or three more.

Of course, candy is not good for you. Everyone knows that at a basic level and yet it is the aftertaste that compels us all to keep eating them.

Now, I want to ask you a question.

What kind of emotional “aftertaste” do you think your ex boyfriend was left with after the two of you broke up?

One thing I can tell you for sure is that YOU were left with a good aftertaste. I mean, here you are reading this far down the page because you are hungry for another relationship with your ex. (I will stop with the puns.) But I really want you to think hard and try to put yourself in your exes shoes. What kind of taste do you think he was left with?

Good or bad, whatever his aftertaste is will cause him to react a certain way to the no contact rule.

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The 7 Reactions From Men During No Contact

Through a lot of trial and error I’ve learned that there are typically seven reactions that men will have during a no contact rule.

How did I come by this data you wonder?

Two ways actually!

The first is relatively simple, I coach A LOT of people one on one.

The second is actually through our private Facebook Group that we have for women going through breakups. Right now the only way to gain access to this private resource is by first reading Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. We find that if we just let anyone in the results aren’t great. However, if I require them to read PRO first then they tend to do a lot better in the group.

But I am getting way off topic.

In this section I am going to outline each of the ways and give an in-depth explanation for what is going on in his head during the reaction. Now, while you are reading about each reaction I want you to keep in mind that I will be referencing the aftertaste effect a lot. So, make sure you have a grasp of it before you read on.

Lets stop talking and start listing.

  • Reaction 1- The Frantic Caller
  • Reaction 2- The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer
  • Reaction 3- The Stubborn Guy
  • Reaction 4- The Clueless Guy
  • Reaction 5- The Scared Guy
  • Reaction 6- The Mid Caller
  • Reaction 7- The Angry Guy

Confused? Don’t worry, as always I will explain.

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Here’s how this is going to work. You and I are going to play roles in each of these seven reactions.

You are going to play my ex girlfriend (who is using a 30 day no contact rule on me.) Of course, I am going to be playing your ex boyfriend and plan to give you insight on each of my reactions. Lets get started!

1. The Frantic Caller


This is an amusing reaction from a man. I remember when I first created this site I really thought that women who implemented the no contact rule would see this particular reaction from men but the truth is that not as many men have this reaction as I thought.

What is a “frantic caller?”

Frantic Caller- A man who will call “frantically” a few days after NC has started. He will eventually get the hint and stop calling. However, deep in his mind he will always want to hear from you.

So, here is how this situation would work if you and I were the “actors.”

You would use the no contact rule on me. Of course, I wouldn’t realize it until I sent you a few text messages that you don’t respond to. Now, lets hit the pause button and talk about this. Personally, the more I care about someone the more I care about getting a response to a text message.

For example, if I am texting a friend I really don’t mind if my message is not responded to immediately (or at all.) However, on the flip side if I am texting a girl that I have a major crush on or an ex girlfriend (like you 😉 .) I am going to care about getting a response. So, when I send you a text message and you don’t respond to it I am going to start to get agitated.

This agitation is going to lead to me sending more messages down the road or possibly calling you out on why you are not responding to me with a message like this:

“Oh, so you are just ignoring me now?”

At this point you are going to be tempted to respond to me. In a way, I am testing you to see if you will engage with me. This is a classic “guilt trip.”

Of course, every time I send a message that you don’t respond to I am leaving myself vulnerable. This ties directly into the push/pull method that I described in this guide. Basically, the more you ignore me the more likely I am to show you attention. However, the more you send attention my way the less likely I am to give you that attention back.

Usually, after a certain amount of texts are un-responded to I will start calling you frantically. Of course, since you are in a strict NC rule you will be ignoring all of my calls. While it may take a while I will finally get the hint and stop calling which will lead me to ignore you completely.

This is where I want to hit the pause button again.

It’s this ignoring period (that I am doing to you) that I really want to discuss. What is going on in my head during this time?

Firstly, lets look at the facts. I was basically a text gnat to you after I didn’t get my way (once you started ignoring me.) When I advise people I always tell them to try to look beyond the “words” that their ex says to them and look at the actions that their ex does. My actions here, once NC was done by you was to spam you with text messages and phone calls. That fact alone means that I still have interest in you, that I still care about you.

Now, once I start ignoring you it isn’t because all of a sudden I “hate” you, it’s because I finally got the hint that you don’t want to talk to me. Most women who visit this site get very scared during the “ignoring” period by their ex. They think he will “move on” or that he will “find someone else.”

In my experience that doesn’t happen at all. I may try to convince myself that I “don’t like you anymore.” Heck, I may even mouth off to a few of my friends that I don’t want to be with you anymore but deep down that isn’t true. Deep down I am just insecure about being alone and I want to hear from you badly.

I have actually experienced this phenomenon myself before. I like to call this the fake reality phenomenon.

The Fake Reality Phenomenon

During my first breakup ever I experienced something very strange.

I am the type of guy that can sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve. It can be my biggest advantage but also my biggest downfall.

During my first breakup it was definitely my biggest downfall. This particular breakup stands out in my mind because of how nasty it was. It wasn’t nasty from her end it was nasty from my end and I think it all came down to the insecurity I felt from being alone.

Anyways, I did the “ignoring dance” for a long time with her. In fact, I remember the very first day of the breakup I convinced myself that life was better and for a while it was. I had this feeling of being free but eventually the breakup caught up with me and I had to create this fake reality for myself where I did my best to put on this facade that I was great when deep down all I wanted was to talk to my ex.

This is essentially what the fake reality phenomenon is. It’s this weird reality that an ex will create for himself during the no contact rule to tell himself that life is better without you but deep down all he really wants is to talk to you.

2. The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer

This reaction is very similar to the one above. Before I really dive in here let me give you a brief explanation of what this actually is.

Frantic Caller Turned Ignorer- A man who will frantically call after NC but will get so angry that you are ignoring him that he won’t call you again.

A perfect example of this is one of my clients who actually did get her ex back and was kind enough to come onto my podcast and do a podcast episode detailing her experience with no contact starting at 4:35,

This can be a pretty depressing reaction to get. Here is how this will break down if you and I were the “actors” in this play ;).

Just like before, you are going to implement the no contact rule on me and just like before I am going to become a text gnat by sending you a lot of different text messages and phone calls. Here is where the main difference will come into play, instead of me ignoring you (but wanting to hear from you) I am going to be ignoring you out of anger.

Let me dive a little deeper into the male thinking here.

Above I talked about how the more I care about a person emotionally the more I care about a text message response. This is an important nugget of knowledge to grasp for this reaction because it really goes down to the core of why an ex may potentially ignore you out of spite.

Look, no one likes to be flat out ignored. That fact alone is why the no contact rule is such an effective method. However, there will always be a certain portion of men that REALLY don’t like being ignored. These are the types of men that will take you ignoring them very personally. So personally in fact, that they will ignore you out of anger and spite just to “get back at you.”

Again though, lets really look at the facts. Anyone who frantically calls you definitely has an interest in you (or at least wants to know what you think.) So, while they may take your ignoring personally you have to wonder if deep down (beyond that anger) they still really want to hear from you.

I am a glass half full kind of guy so I choose to look at it like this: men who take being ignored personally will want to get back at you. However, deep down they just have this really thick “fake reality” wall built up to protect themselves from being hurt.

Remember when I was telling you that story about my very first breakup being really bad?

Well, the “frantic caller turned into ignorer” was the exact reaction that I had to the breakup. You see, my ex didn’t do a no contact rule on me but for a week we didn’t talk and I was definitely a text gnat and call gnat. Of course, after she ignored me I ignored her out of spite and created that “fake reality” to convince myself that everything was ok.

“Psssttt… want to hear a secret?”

Deep down I wanted to talk to her so bad but I was too stubborn to do so.

Speaking of stubborn!

3. The Stubborn Guy

“He is just so darn stubborn… I can’t get him to do anything I want.”

I can’t tell you how often I hear women say this to me when they talk about their ex. Unfortunately, it is a common problem. But how does that problem manifest itself in no contact? Firstly, I would like to explain exactly what the “stubborn guy” is.

The Stubborn Guy- This is a reaction that a certain man will have during the no contact period. Typically, they have the “she will have to call me first attitude.” In other words, they are too stubborn to even want to reach out during the no contact rule.

I have a feeling that a lot of women are going to be interested in this.

It is your greatest fear after all, having an ex NOT contact you at all during a no contact period. I want to explore this so you can truly understand what your ex is thinking. First though, lets get our two favorite actors to act this scenario out ;).

As always, you are going to initiate the no contact rule. However, this time I am not going to contact you. In other words, what we have here is a no contact rule stand off. Obviously, this is not what you want to have happen but the fact of the matter is that some men will react this way to the no contact rule. There are a complex range of emotions that go on here so I am going to be dividing this overall category into multiple sections. First, I would like to start with one of our favorite terms, the aftertaste effect.

The Aftertaste Effect

What is stubbornness? Perhaps more to the point, what is the definition of a stubborn person?

Stubborn Person- Someone who refuses to change their mind about something.

Why am I going into this? Well, I want to make it clear that just because someone is a stubborn person that doesn’t mean that it is impossible to change their mind. It just means you have to know how to deal with them. Lets turn our attention back to the aftertaste effect.

An ex who has the “stubborn guy” reaction to the no contact rule will have it because of the aftertaste they have of your previous relationship. For example, if I thought back to our (you and I’s) fake relationship and only thought bad things about it I would most likely have this mindset:

“I never want to talk to her again.”

Me having that thought about you is probably your greatest fear when it comes to getting me back . Of course, the thing YOU have to remember is that it is possible to change my mind. This is where your discipline comes in with the no contact rule.

The “Victim” Attitude

I would say that I can be a stubborn person when it comes to breakups. How do I know this? Well, because I lived it!

I think stubborn men as a whole adopt two specific mindsets when they are put in the no contact rule. I want to use this section to describe the first mindset.

There is a certain allure to being the victim. I mean, think about it. You get sympathy from everyone if you are a victim. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. When I read the comments and inquiries I get from readers every day I feel bad for some of the women I communicate with. ME feeling bad for you usually means that I am on your side!

How does this apply to stubborn men you ask?

Stubborn men during no contact want to be adored by their exes. If it was up to them they would have you calling them 20 times a day while they ignore you so they can show you “who’s boss.” Only you aren’t going to do that. You are a strong, independent and disciplined woman who isn’t going to break NC.

This is really NOT what they want. The fact that YOU aren’t begging them like you should be is going to agitate them and make them feel like the victim…

Yes, you read that right THEY are going to feel like the victim even though in the grand scheme of things they aren’t one. It is a really warped way of looking at things, I’ll admit, but you wanted to know about mens minds right?

The “She Has To Call Me First” Attitude

This is an attitude that I have personal experience with.

I remember during a breakup that I was so stubborn that I actually told myself “she has to call me first if she wants to talk to me.” You see, I, like most men, have a very warped way of looking at things. Every time I talk to a woman that I am dating or a woman I am interested in I look at every single interaction as a power struggle. This is especially true when it comes to who texts who first and who calls who first.

(I know, it’s really messed up isn’t it? I think it is just a guy thing.)

Anyways, having an ex call you first, if you are a stubborn guy, is like winning a game. If she calls you first you think to yourself “yup, I have her eating out of the palm of my hand.” Of course, if she doesn’t call you first then you begin to think that you are a “victim.”

In the end it all ties together.

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4. The Clueless Guy

Ah.. the clueless guy! Just a word of warning this section is going to be a bit shorter than the rest of the “reactions” during the no contact rule. That is because the clueless guy reaction is rare. So, what is a clueless guy reaction?

The Clueless Guy- A legitimate reaction where your ex is entirely clueless throughout the no contact rule. Men like this tend to be socially awkward or don’t really sense that anything is wrong.

I understand that you may be a little confused at how this reaction will play out in real life. So, as always, lets let our two professional actors act this situation out ;).

You are going to start the no contact rule on me. Of course, I am clueless about the whole situation so I may contact you or I may not. It will depend on a number of factors. If I don’t it’s not because I am trying to “put you in your place” it’s just that I am clueless about the whole situation.

Part of the reason the no contact rule works so well is the fact that the party it is being done to will sense that something is wrong. This feeling that they get will create a range of emotions and eventually (sometimes subconsciously) show them how much their ex significant other really means to them.

So, this begs the question:

Will the no contact rule even work on someone who has a “clueless” reaction? Before we can answer that we need to study the psychology behind someone with a clueless reaction.

The Psychology Behind A “Clueless” Reaction

One thing I’ve learned over my years as a coach is that men who tend to be clueless are ones that don’t have a lot of experience in relationships.

You see, one thing I have learned about women throughout my life is they tend to drop these little hints when you talk to them. These hints are a way of testing you to see where you stand on a certain issue. How you react to the hint will dictate how they approach the situation in the future.

A clueless guy is the type of guy who will not pick up any hints at all. He is too clueless or wrapped up in his own world to.

For example, during the NC period a clueless guy will not sense that anything is wrong at all. Here is where things get interesting though. He may actually contact you during the no contact period (but at the same time he may NOT contact you.)

So, there are aspects of being frantic and stubborn in there but as a whole he will not get any of the hints you drop. He will just assume everything is ok. Again, I would like to reiterate that this type of guy is very rare. I would say that there is a 95% chance that your ex boyfriend is NOT going to have this reaction.

Will The No Contact Still Work?

A few sections ago I asked a simple question. Will the no contact rule work on someone who is “clueless” about it?

The answer is YES it still can work but not in the way you think.

The biggest misconception is that the no contact rule is only for your ex boyfriend. In fact, I would say that, that is only half the battle. The half that everyone seems to forget about is the effect that NC has on YOU.

Hmm… how can I best explain this?

Ok, getting an ex boyfriend back requires an interesting balance. You have to be hyper aware of your emotions. You need to know when you have to be logical and you need to know when you have to be emotional. If you can find the perfect combination between the two (remaining logical while using your emotions to tap into your exes emotions) you have a really good chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

Here is the problem though, without the no contact rule you really don’t have any chance to acquire the logical mindset you need. Post-breakup is when you are at your emotional peak and while emotions can be good sometimes in this case you are probably too emotional to talk to your ex. That is why the no contact rule is such a beautiful thing.

If you can get through NC it shows that you have the discipline to remain logical!

5. The Scared Guy

Have you ever wondered if your ex is too scared to talk to you? In this section we are going to be covering the range of emotions that will be going through an exes head who feels too scared to even make a move. First though, I would like to define “the scared guy.”

The Scared Guy- This is a reaction that is the exact opposite of someone who frantically calls or texts. It’s a reaction that a guy will have when he is too scared to make a move during NC. He isn’t ignoring you out of stubbornness. He is ignoring you out of fear.

Lets not beat around the bush here, women are scary.

I am not afraid to admit it either.. I AM AFRAID OF WOMEN.

Still, to this day, I get the shakes when I am talking to a beautiful woman. It’s not because I am afraid of her. I am more afraid of what she is thinking about me. Here is the ironic part about the whole thing. I bet that the girl that I am talking to is getting the shakes because she is afraid of what I think about her.

The point I am trying to make here is don’t think that just because your ex isn’t contacting you it means he is stubborn. It may be entirely possible that he is too scared to reach out for fear of messing up. You tend to see this a lot with an ex boyfriend who YOU broke up with. So, let me break the “scared guy” reaction down for you.

If YOU broke up with me and implemented a no contact rule then I would definitely be afraid to contact you because of the fear of rejection. This begs an interesting question:

If you know for a fact that your ex boyfriend is afraid to contact you then shouldn’t you just break the NC and reach out to him first?


Here is what could happen in the mind of an ex boyfriend throughout the entire process:

If you contact him first during no contact he is probably going to revert to the stubborn mindset of “oh ya! I got her to reach out to me first after SHE broke up with me.” After this happens you are basically at his mercy.

Are you starting to understand no contact now? Dealing with exes during it is almost like a game. The game is all about power and usually the person with the power is in the best position.

6. The Mid Caller

This is a reaction from exes that I see a lot when I communicate with women on this site. I really want to do a good job explaining this so I am just going to cut right to the chase.

The Mid Caller- A common reaction that you will get during the NC rule. Instead of frantically calling at the beginning of the no contact rule an ex who has this reaction will call just a few times during the middle of the no contact rule.

As always, we are going to let our two favorite actors act out this scene for us so we have a better grasp of how this is all going to go down.

You are going to start the scene by implementing the no contact rule on me. I am going to enter into a NC rule duel with you. However, midway through the duel I am going to lose my nerve and reach out to you. Lets hit the pause button and explore this for a minute.

In my mind there are two possible explanations for why an ex boyfriend will call you a few days in (5-8 days) or midway through a no contact rule (14-18 days.)

Explanation #1- He Is Totally Clueless

This explanation ties directly in to what I talked about before with the “clueless guy.” It’s pretty simple really. Your ex is clueless about the whole situation and has no idea that you are doing a no contact rule on him. As a result, he will reach out in the middle of the no contact period.

Of course, when you ignore the text he sends he is going to figure out really quickly that something is up. Once he figures this out just sit back and watch the craziness ensue!

Explanation #2- He Loses The NC Rule Duel

This is much more likely to happen.

Chances are, if you are doing the no contact rule immediately after a breakup your ex boyfriend is going to be thinking about you a lot. He may have a little bit of stubbornness in him in that he won’t want to be the first one to contact you. As a result of that stubbornness he will engage with you in a no contact duel.

Of course, somewhere down the road his curiosity of what you are up to and how you are doing is going to take over and he will just throw caution to the wind by essentially losing the “duel.”

If he does lose this duel it can tell you a few important things. Firstly, he is thinking about you a lot which we can assume means that he still has some deep emotional feelings for you. Secondly, he cares about what you think and finally, YOU have power over him!

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The Angry Guy

Lets face the facts here. Getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t meant to be easy. If it was, well, then this site wouldn’t need to exist. This final reaction is what I like to call the “angry guy” reaction. Lets take a moment and define it.

The Angry Guy- The type of reaction you can get when your ex wants nothing to do with you (and means it..) Therefore, during NC he would not reach out to contact you.

The angry guy reaction is really the reaction that is going to tie into the aftertaste effect the most out of any reaction listed throughout this guide. Lets say that during our fake relationship you were not exactly a good girlfriend. You cheated on me or did something that really upset me. If I broke up with you under those pretenses then the chances are high that I left the relationship with a really bad taste in my mouth. If that was the case, then I probably will not want to contact you during the no contact period.

Except there is something different about the angry guy reaction as opposed to the stubborn guy reaction.

You see, with the stubborn guy reaction I won’t contact you during NC but deep down I will still want to hear from you. The angry guy reaction is a step above that. It is when an ex boyfriend is so angry that he wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t even want to see or hear from.

As I already stated, a lot of the angry guy reaction is going to tie into YOUR choices during your previous relationship (a la the aftertaste effect.) Of course, there are some guys that are just plain jerks that don’t know how to handle a breakup and will exhibit this reaction.

Typically, the tell tale sign of an angry guy reaction is when your ex says some very hurtful things to your face repeatedly. The keyword in that sentence is “repeatedly.” You see, you can almost expect an ex to say mean things to you after a breakup but if he keeps saying them to you over and over again post no contact (and it becomes vicious and cruel) you may have brought out the “angry guy” from within.

So, I suppose the real question here is, is it possible to get someone back if they exhibit this reaction?

Can You Get An “Angry Guy” Back?

It’s possible. In fact, one of my best friends did it.

However, it is not easy.

It is going to take a lot of patience on your part and even then there are no guarantees. In the end, what it all boils down to is if you think your ex is worth it. Really take a good hard look at your previous relationship and ask yourself a simple question:

“do I want to do this again?”

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4,274 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Annie

    June 25, 2024 at 2:45 pm

    I hurt him unintentionally by calling a welfare check on him as I was genuinely scared for his safety. I apologized but also expressed my displeasure about him standing me up that day. Do I go no contact or is this one of the exceptions?
    He asked for space, but my fear of abandonment kicked in and so I asked for a break up. Then I asked to meet up later but since he did not respond, I canceled that and have gone no contact. It was a very short relationship, but a part of me feels like he wasn’t really into me. He wasn’t close to perfect but I feel we should give it another go. I’m in day 7 of NC. I blocked him today.

  2. A

    June 11, 2024 at 8:28 am

    Hi. So I was in a situationship for a year and a half. He doesn’t want to commit and he doesn’t love me.
    He asked for space and then after a month, decided to end it. He was so mad at me for begging to fix things. He said never to contact him again. So I guess there’s no more chance. But I still love him.

  3. Cee Trying To Post Again

    June 6, 2024 at 12:50 pm

    Our pastor actually broke us up because my ex has some anger management, trust issues, etc that he needs to work on on his own. The pastor suggested we go no contact for a while because my ex definitely needs to get into therapy and unpack where all of those issues are coming from as they have been damaging to our relationship. I hadn’t seen him until about three weeks into our breakup (this past Sunday) and he blocked me on whatsapp after the Sunday service. We didn’t speak, I maintained my distance, and he actually left before service was over and didn’t speak to anyone. I’m not sure why he blocked me because I haven’t reached out and don’t intend to break the NC Rule. I saw him again yesterday at bible study and the same thing happened ie; he saw me, ducked his head, and then left before everyone else did. When we broke up he explained that he feels immense shame and guilt for taking his trust and anger issues out on me because he sees me as end game (which could be a load of crap, who knows), but I do want him back once he gets into therapy and unpacks all of his…stuff.

    Is there a possibility that that can happen? He’s a bit of an avoidant so I’m wondering if there is a possibility at all?

  4. Sophia

    March 7, 2024 at 4:23 pm

    Hi, we were together for 2 years, he has a long distance relationship in Australia. I gave the ultimatum of dumping her or leave me alone. I wanted to collect my things from his home. Should I wait after the no contact period? He called frantically and I gave reassurance and restated not to contact me but I’ve heard nothing for 2 weeks

    1. Coach Shaunna

      March 10, 2024 at 11:23 pm

      Hey Sophia, no I would suggest that you get your important belongings when you need them, if they not important then I would suggest that you give it some time. It sounds as if he was cheating on you / the other person he is in a relationship with. Do not give him any reassurance, he needs to realise you are “moving on” to make him change his actions. Giving him reassurance is just allowing him to continue as he has been doing and seeing you both at the same time.

  5. Mark

    December 28, 2023 at 9:40 am

    Hi, my ex broke up with me two weeks ago after a mild argument. We both are going through things financially and regarding our housing situation. I took the breakup immediately, didn’t fight scream cry nothing. We’ve broken up in the past and I’ve reacted terribly. Not this time. We talked for an hr and went on with our lives. A week later we spoke briefly about some business, told each other we love each other and happy holidays. Since then ive continued in no contact and have been completely silent. I see today via my dms that he blocked me on ig. Since the breakup I posted no crying memes or anything regarding a breakup I just posted a hbd to my friend.

    The breakup was not bad I didn’t fight him or bother him at all so I’m confused why he woke up one day and randomly blocked me.

    1. Coach Shaunna

      December 29, 2023 at 2:21 am

      Hi Mark, even though your ex broke up with you, they are also going through the break up and blocking you at this point is most likely an emotional reaction to something they have seen that upset them, be that intention on your part or not. It is likely that you will be unblocked before the end of your NC if you continue to work on yourself and do not reach out to your ex between now and the end of your No contact period. Which is going to need to be 45 days.

  6. Viola

    August 26, 2023 at 4:25 pm

    I am the dumper and became the dumpee, as i quickly realised my mistake and begged him back, and now he often said no, move on.
    It has been 23 days since our break up, today is day 0 for a NC rule. Does it still have any impact?
    we broke up for his difficulties in communication and my impatience. no cheating or anything bad.
    This week was the hardest as he is busy moving to his new house were i was meant to be too.. but i am tired of begging

    1. Coach Shaunna

      October 21, 2023 at 10:24 am

      Hi Viola, yes the NC can still have an impact if you start and stick with it. Keep in mind each time you break it, it does lose its impact.

      This article may be useful to you:

  7. A girl

    July 13, 2023 at 2:02 am

    I was mean to him in the relationship so he broke things off with me. Now he is being mean to me. Ignoring me and being short eith me. How do I make him stop being so stubborn and give me a second chance?

    1. Coach Shaunna

      October 21, 2023 at 11:26 am

      Hey there, I think you need to reflect to why you were being mean to him during the relationship. He is possibly treating you as you treated him. Start following the 45 days NC rule and stick with it allow him some space from you.

  8. Julie

    April 22, 2023 at 6:21 pm

    My fiancé just kicked me out of our house and I am 4 months pregnant. Needless to say I am devastated, he listed several reasons for the breakup – which I apologized for and promised would change (no cheating or lying happened to be clear) but he keeps saying we will never get back together. He is ‘the angry man’ He was very excited for the baby at first but now he is accusing me of getting pregnant on purpose and doesn’t want the baby – which is heartbreaking. Despite this – I want him back. I want my fiancé back and I want to be a family. I’m on day 2 of NC and leaving the country for a month next week (as I have no family here) to stay with them. Please help me. I need him back

    1. Coach Shaunna

      August 16, 2023 at 2:12 pm

      Hey Julie, you would need to follow a 45 day LNC where you would only update him on the baby if and when needed. I would need more information to comment further, there must be a reason behind his accusations and the reason he is so angry at you, especially if you have not cheated or lied to him.

  9. Suzy

    September 13, 2022 at 7:06 pm

    I broke no contact twice within a week of the break up and again four months after. When I contacted him four months later, I discovered I was blocked, and went too far to contact him. I downloaded an app that allowed me to text him from a different number. I was acting irrationally and even though I finally got to say what I needed to say, I look back now and can only assume he thinks I’m crazy. I’m no longer trying to get him back, but it really bothers me that he may think I’m crazy. I don’t know how to let that go.

  10. Miss S

    August 30, 2022 at 9:05 am

    Back story, we have history dating back to11 years ago. We live 240 miles apart. We chatted online just as friends for around 3 years before we met up. Dated for around 18 months. I wasn’t completely over my ex so let him go. Still chatted over the years. Fast forward to this year, he is no a single Dad and we met up. Decided to see how things went. Met son a few times. His Mum and Dad etc.
    5 months on i brought up the what is happening? He told me he can’t give me more right now. I told him i want more.
    So i walked away. Day 4 of NC it’s killing me. Didn’t fall out, just said i wouldn’t be coming to visit that weekend and not spoken since! I hope i am doing the right thing. Do i wait for him to contact me?

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      September 2, 2022 at 8:23 pm

      Hey there, so yes you are doing the right thing as he is not able to give you what you want from a relationship. However, what is your plan were you in discussions of moving in together? Or moving closer to each other?

  11. Raquel

    August 22, 2022 at 2:23 am

    I wish I could take back all the bad things I said or did to my Fiancé. I want my Fiancé back. So when he said, No Contact for 6 months that is what he meant. I really want to call him or send a letter in the mail. Do I just wait the full 6 months?

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      August 28, 2022 at 9:30 pm

      Hi Raquel, do not go 6 months without NC reach out after 45 days if you want to follow this program.

  12. Lorraine

    August 1, 2022 at 7:45 pm

    He broke up with me and it was pretty bad. He said the relationship was toxic and unhealthy and he wanted to end it that it was necessary a MUST. I’m not trying to get him back I just want to be his friend and still have him be apart of my life. I don’t want him to be angry at me or hate me that’s all. I miss my friend and still care about him. I hate the way it ended.

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      August 5, 2022 at 5:51 pm

      Hi Lorraine, you need to allow him this space and time away from you for now, at this moment he thinks of you in a negative light and you need to be sure that you work on yourself while you are apart. It is difficult but it is a must to also show him that you are not toxic and going to spend any time obsessing over him or the relationship.

  13. Betsy

    June 2, 2022 at 2:01 am

    I dated a guy for a year and then out of nowhere he broke up with me because he felt that the relationship was too heavy and that we needed to work on ourselves. This was completely out of the blue because only a few days before he had told me that he cant wait to marry me (and he would say this to me all the time).
    A few days after the breakup my friend then found him on Tinder. The whole breakup confused me because we were so in love and would see each other every day.
    I have been doing no contact, but a couple days ago he called me late at night and told me that he was in the hospital because he had a heart attack (hes fine now), so the NC rule was broken for that convo. Does him calling me and telling me this mean I have to restart NC? Should I be checking up on him because of the health concern?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 20, 2022 at 7:54 pm

      Hey Besty, yes it means you have to start again from day one – as you said yourself, he is “okay” part of ending that relationship with you means that you are not there to support him emotionally anymore he chose to end that relationship he does not get to have you there to help him if you want more than friendship. Do not check in with him as he is going to expect that care and love from you.

  14. Samantha

    May 21, 2022 at 7:08 pm

    We dated for two months and then he said he was dealing with personal issues related to a recent divorce (and a relationship that was toxic and followed his divorce) and didn’t want to hurt me with them. So he can’t do a serious relationship right now. He then said he’d like to see me still, as he enjoys being with me, and he started inviting me to things. I agreed, but then I decided to start NC. It’s been seven days. Is this the best course of action? He pursued me pretty strongly. I’m not hoping to change his mind, but is that possible?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 28, 2022 at 9:31 pm

      Hi Samantha, yes this is the best path for you to follow a NC and allow him some space, if he pursued you the first time he may enjoy the chase of trying to get your attention. So be sure that you complete a 30 day NC before you start replying to him or reaching out.

  15. Sarah

    May 19, 2022 at 3:33 pm

    We dated for a month and then he said he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship (and doesn’t want to hurt me) as he is recently divorced and recovering from a failed relationship post divorce. We had a final date to discuss it all, and he insisted on us continuing to spend time together despite no relationship as he said he really enjoys spending time with me. I agreed and our last meet up ended on a great note, but later on I resolved to no longer contact him or spend time with him and I haven’t. It’s been a week of NC. I’m hoping to get over him and be able to be friends, but should I continue on for 30 days? Also, what do I do if he contacts me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 28, 2022 at 9:36 pm

      Hi Sarah, if you do not want him back then the NC can be as long as you feel you need to reach the point of being okay with just being friends with him. That can range time wise as you are the only one who needs to just let go of your romantic feelings for him.

  16. Robin

    May 4, 2022 at 10:53 pm

    Hi, I am robin and I am in 45 days non contact (because he blocked me). I am in my day 18 and he started texting me constantly. He also removed my block. This happened for 2 days. I think after that he realized that I was ignoring him so he unsended his messages from instagram, Deleted his last message from whatsapp and he also blocked me again. What should I do and what is is the meaning of this. Should I send him a text telling I need some and I don’t want him to contact me for some time I am reading your book and it’s being really helpful.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 15, 2022 at 5:58 pm

      Hey Robin, no I would not suggest that you reach out. Him breaking his own silence shows that you were on his mind at the time and be broke. I would suggest that you keep going as you are and be sure that you are following the advice that Chris gives about being the Ungettable to your ex.

  17. C

    April 21, 2022 at 3:34 am

    I am 11 days into no contact. After 3 weeks of contacting him 4-6 times. Apologizing… telling him I am sorry and miss him after breaking up with him. He has not responded to any of my efforts. What happens after the 45 days? If he doesn’t contact me? I think he’s going to but what if he doesn’t? It’s done?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2022 at 11:56 am

      Hey C, so after the 45 days you need to reach out with the style of text that Chris explains in his videos. No Contact is not for your ex to reach out to you, it is for you to take this time to focus on YOURSELF and work on yourself before you reach out to your ex with a new mindset from where you are now.

  18. LG

    March 30, 2022 at 4:13 pm

    Hi – I’m really stuck here.

    Buckle up this will probably be your most challenging story yet.

    My ex fiancé ended our engagement the first week of December. We were going through it but he kept telling me it was financial stress and the stressor of getting his bonus in a few weeks ( he’s an attorney and has a very stressful job) so much so that gambling has become an outlet in the past and through it all I stuck by him. Things got scary when he punched our bedroom door in out of anger so desperately I reached out to his dad for help. My ex at first was livid, then understood and said he was going to talk to him to be a better partner. Hours before that we talked all day at work and I asked him why he’s acting like this is it isn’t that he doesn’t love me, why have things been so off, did he not want this anymore . He said he knew he hasn’t made this engagement right for me and he’s sorry and he only wants me and he just worries we’re gonna be working like slaves our whole life to have 100 dollars in our checking accounts. He said it made him angry at me and the world and it wasn’t right but it was reality. I told him we could do anything as long as our love was there and we would figure it all out together. We left the convo saying have a good night and he was off to talk to his dad about “ being a better partner,” after his therapy session. Whatever occurred in that session he realized he was so unhappy with me. Our relationship was toxic and that we weren’t meant to be, out grew eachother and wanted out. He was mean and cold about it- he first texted me being all sketchy saying we needed to talk tomorrow if there was any chance of fixing us. Then when I reacted out of fear and kept pushing and pushing and asked him to please call me and say good night, that he was breaking my heart.. he called and said “ I’m unhappy and I want out.” He was cold and dismissive about this . It was awful. I had to pack up my whole life of 2.5 years ( together almost 3) ( engaged for 6 months) and move out. He’s told me there’s nothing that can be done .. we just don’t work and aren’t meant to be . I did not use the no contact rule. In fact I smuthered him and February he started getting dark a little with me saying “ I deserve better,” “ he knows his gambling and issues caused the rift between us.. I wonder if my demons can make anyone happy,” “ I made a lot of mistakes but at the end of the day I know we aren’t meant to be and that wouldn’t change”

    I love him so entirely much for who he really is. This is not him. I believe he’s going through stuff internally and couldn’t handle my stress and anxiety issues on top of it.

    Since breaking up it took me until March to really pull it together and stop lying in my bed to die. I realized I wasn’t my best self, I didn’t love myself and that’s why when he left I crumbled. I put so much pressure on him to fix me and make everything better and I stopped being fun and having fun. Long story short I realize all these things but there’s no convincing him we just don’t work. He has that bad taste in his mouth and is so unbelievably stubborn and I know he’s just broke up with his exes or the past and never reached out again. I would hope it would be different being engaged to me..

    He was basically part of my family. In fact we were moving in with my parents together in February to save for the wedding ( his idea) and he contacted none of them.

    I know I’m missing something here with his internal “ demons” as he would call them.

    The last message I sent to him was February 24th saying I wasn’t wasting any more tears. My birthday was March 2nd and he texted me saying “ happy birthday, I know you don’t wanna hear that from me, but nonetheless I hope you have a good birthday and enjoy your day.” All I did 9 hours later was like it.

    It’s been 30 days and I have had no contact, either had he. But now I found this site and I am redoing the 30 days because I didn’t work on myself like at all the first go around. We need a face to face conversation and I need to be strong and know my worth during it. You’re probably asking yourself “ why do you even want him,” my friends, family and even his family is saying the same. But I love him so unconditionally much and I know in my heart with proper growth and time we can make this work.

    How do I convince him to not remember the bad over the good, what points should I bring up in the discussion?

    Please help. I’m dying here.

    Disclaimer: I am pushing myself for the 30 day no contact rule to better myself each day.

    I just don’t want to lose him forever, but I know since we were engaged it makes it so much more complicated. I’m scared

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 26, 2022 at 9:21 pm

      Hey LG as you have already done 30 days NC my suggest is that you do not pass 15 extra days of NC that is time to work on yourself and keep going even when you reach out. As for judging you for wanting him back – that is not our place to do so! It is YOUR life and your relationship. I would say that you go into this with your eyes wide open and know that he has 1 – admitted his demons, it is a good step but also that 2 – you cannot fix those for him this is all about him working on himself rather than your relationship. I also think it helps to know that when people want to work and improve on themselves that relationships are usually in the way so it is a positive in a sense. Keep reading the articles and keep working to become the Ungettable version of yourself, for yourself 🙂

  19. Bel

    March 13, 2022 at 9:33 pm

    I was in a relationship for over 11 years and we recently broke up in January. We keep seeing eachother and he recently told me he’s been talking to someone else on a dating site the last month we were still living together. When we’re together the other woman calls him. She doesn’t know about me at all. He says they haven’t officially met in person but do talk on the phone. I’ve been reading the articles about the NC rule and I don’t know what type of guy he’d fall under as far as the Type of man during the NC rule. As we have tried to stop contact before but doesn’t last more than 4-10 days. Either he will message me or I will message him. See he broke up with me after I left a “bad taste” in his mouth. The reason being he felt I didn’t respect him as a man. His last straw was the last month we were loving together he was hardly speaking to me. I had went out with an old friend on new years and came back home at 3am without telling him who I was going out with. He says it’s the fact that I didn’t tell him before I left who I was going with and the fact that after it happened I still didn’t tell him. Other experiences were that when he asked me about someone in my past (while we weren’t together) if we had ever done anything. I said no then later admitted that we did. Mainly because I was scared to tell the truth. He was more upset about the fact I kept the person as a friend on social media. And would comment on a video from time to time. This brought up a lot of trust issues and therefore he says I have no respect for him nor does he know if he can’t trust me again. Right now he really is starting to like this other girl but says he does still love and miss me. On the other hand he has told me that he isn’t in love with me anymore. It’s very confusing and he said that he’s gonna see where it goes with this new person and even asks if it’s best to stop communication. I know I should and it’s so hard. How long do you recommend I do the NC and do you think I’ll still have a chance while he’s already dating someone else?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 21, 2022 at 10:24 pm

      Hey Bel, yes many of our clients get their exes back even when they date others.

  20. Nichola

    February 18, 2022 at 10:44 pm

    Help… do I still have a chance? The love of my life left me 5 weeks ago after being together 6 years. Never felt pain quite like it. He left as he didn’t feel happy in our relationship anymore… had a rough last year wasn’t a lot of arguing but I annoyed him a lot. Fit the first 3 weeks of our break up I was a nightmare I would call/ text cry beg get angry and in general really really p him off. Can nc work? Do I have any chance??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 21, 2022 at 10:59 am

      Hey Nichola, yes NC can work but you really need to stick with it and use this time to work on yourself. It would also need to be 45 days NC because of your actions since the breakup.

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