It’s a question I get asked every single day.

“What is he thinking?”

Or if you want me to be more specific:

“Now that I am in no contact can you explain what is going on in his mind?”

I decided to put this guide together to put a rest to these questions once and for all. I am going to be attempting to explain everything I know about how men react to the no contact rule. If you aren’t familiar with my website then let me give you a quick breakdown of what I am all about.

Every single “guide,” I like to use the word guide to explain my posts/articles because it sounds more authoritative, anyways, every single guide I have ever written is very long and in-depth and this particular guide will be no different. Some of the things I talk about may be hard for you to hear but at it’s core it will come from a place of truth.

In the end, I subscribe to the theory that in order for me to best help you get your ex boyfriend back you need to see the entire picture and that is what I am doing here with this guide, helping you see the parts of the picture you are missing.

(Side Note: If you want a full accounting of the “big picture” that you are missing the best place for you to start is with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO my massive book detailing all of my best theories on how to improve your chances with your ex.)

Your Failure Of The No Contact Rule

Every single day I carve out an hour or two to answer comments and questions from the readers of this site.

At times I feel like a robot constantly repeating myself…

“Have you done NC?”

“Are you currently in NC?”

Some women will tell me that they tried the NC rule but failed after only 4 days. Others make it deep into “uncharted territory,” 10 days, before they fail.

I get it.

The no contact rule can be an extremely hard thing to complete. After all, I am asking you to essentially cut your ex boyfriend off for a full month. To be more specific, you can’t talk, text or respond to any type of communication from him.

(If you would like a full explanation of the No Contact Rule please visit this page or simply watch the video below,)

It’s funny to me that so many women fail at something SO CRUCIAL to get their ex boyfriends back.

I mean, if I told you that you would get a 100% success recovery rate if all you had to do was make it through 30 days without contacting your ex there would still be some women who would fail at not contacting their ex.

I liken it to a little kid being told “you cannot have that cookie.” The little kid knows that it is wrong to take a cookie from the jar but decides to do it anyways. Are you seeing the analogy yet?

You= the little kid.

Your ex= the cookie.

Now, lets take a look at WHY you keep reaching your hand in the cookie jar.

Whenever I write one of these guides I tend to do a lot of outlining and research. However, when I asked myself a simple question “why is it that so many women keep breaking NC?” I didn’t have to look very far for the ansewr. In fact, if you are a constant reader of this site then you won’t have to look very far either. A simple viewing of the comments should give you a pretty clear picture.

Oh, I broke NC because I didn’t want him to think less of me…

I didn’t know what he was thinking and it was driving me nuts…

I am afraid he will lose interest in me…

What if he runs off with some other girl…

With all of the concerns listed above what is the one constant?

While I admit there are many constants in the concerns above the correct answer I am looking for lies in a simple truth. Any woman who implements a no contact rule is uncertain about what is going on in her exes mind.

Therein lies the foundation on which this guide was built, helping you to better understand what goes on in your exes mind so YOU can succeed with the no contact rule!

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Understanding Men During NC

It doesn’t take a genius to tell that men and women are very different creatures.

Men, much more physical, tend to lack when it comes to social situations.

Women, much more social, tend to lack when it comes to physical situations.

This is an interesting view to take when you look at our species as a whole. It explains why men need women and women need men. However, it also explains why we get our wires crossed so often.

I am a man. I understand how they think. I understand why most of my peers do the things they do. This puts YOU in a very unique position because I am spreading all of our dirty little secrets. Every single one I want to give you access to so you can better understand us.

To be more specific, I am going to be talking about how a man can possibly react (and what he will think) when a woman implements a no contact rule on him.

The first thing I need to teach you has to do with the differences in men.

Men Are Different From Women

george carlin men vs women

Above I established that men and women are different creatures. Well, I would like to take that a step further and say that not all men are the same. For example, what I find attractive in a woman another man may not.

One of my best friends springs to mind here. As two young single guys we often talk about one topic, women. I remember a few months ago my friend went on this rant about how he likes a particular “type” of woman. After his rant I chimed in and explained the type of woman I liked. In the end, we agreed to disagree but I think this little anecdote proves an interesting point.

What may be true for a lot of men may not be true for your man.

This is an important concept to understand because what I am about to explain next only exisits because of the “men are different from men” phenomenon.

When it comes to the no contact rule I have found that there are 7 main reactions and thoughts that men will have. Each reaction is different from the other in its own unique way. Now, I will eventually get around to explaining the “reactions” to you but first I need to teach you something else.

Whatever Reaction You Get Depends On Your Relationship

relationship meme

Above I established that each man is different in his own unique way. That concept will certainly have a “tie in” to the 7 different reactions I talk about later in this guide but if I am being completely truthful with you then I would say that what I am about to explain here is the single biggest factor into HOW your ex is going to react during the no contact rule.

I want you to think back to your old relationship.

Now, obviously your old relationship failed for some reason. Right now that doesn’t matter. Right now we are going to be looking at something far more valuable. Something I like to call the aftertaste effect!

What Is The Aftertaste Effect?

When I began writing Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I had a list that I put together designed to detail all of the best strategies that I found that worked to get an ex back so that I could put it in the book.

The aftertaste effect was one of those strategies.

Do you have a favorite candy?

I know I certainly do.

Whenever you eat a candy you are left with a certain aftertaste. It is that aftertaste that compels you to come back and keep eating that candy. For me the candy that has the best aftertaste is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. For some reason every time I eat one I end up eating two or three more.

Of course, candy is not good for you. Everyone knows that at a basic level and yet it is the aftertaste that compels us all to keep eating them.

Now, I want to ask you a question.

What kind of emotional “aftertaste” do you think your ex boyfriend was left with after the two of you broke up?

One thing I can tell you for sure is that YOU were left with a good aftertaste. I mean, here you are reading this far down the page because you are hungry for another relationship with your ex. (I will stop with the puns.) But I really want you to think hard and try to put yourself in your exes shoes. What kind of taste do you think he was left with?

Good or bad, whatever his aftertaste is will cause him to react a certain way to the no contact rule.

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The 7 Reactions From Men During No Contact

Through a lot of trial and error I’ve learned that there are typically seven reactions that men will have during a no contact rule.

How did I come by this data you wonder?

Two ways actually!

The first is relatively simple, I coach A LOT of people one on one.

The second is actually through our private Facebook Group that we have for women going through breakups. Right now the only way to gain access to this private resource is by first reading Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. We find that if we just let anyone in the results aren’t great. However, if I require them to read PRO first then they tend to do a lot better in the group.

But I am getting way off topic.

In this section I am going to outline each of the ways and give an in-depth explanation for what is going on in his head during the reaction. Now, while you are reading about each reaction I want you to keep in mind that I will be referencing the aftertaste effect a lot. So, make sure you have a grasp of it before you read on.

Lets stop talking and start listing.

  • Reaction 1- The Frantic Caller
  • Reaction 2- The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer
  • Reaction 3- The Stubborn Guy
  • Reaction 4- The Clueless Guy
  • Reaction 5- The Scared Guy
  • Reaction 6- The Mid Caller
  • Reaction 7- The Angry Guy

Confused? Don’t worry, as always I will explain.

Here’s how this is going to work. You and I are going to play roles in each of these seven reactions.

You are going to play my ex girlfriend (who is using a 30 day no contact rule on me.) Of course, I am going to be playing your ex boyfriend and plan to give you insight on each of my reactions. Lets get started!

1. The Frantic Caller


This is an amusing reaction from a man. I remember when I first created this site I really thought that women who implemented the no contact rule would see this particular reaction from men but the truth is that not as many men have this reaction as I thought.

What is a “frantic caller?”

Frantic Caller- A man who will call “frantically” a few days after NC has started. He will eventually get the hint and stop calling. However, deep in his mind he will always want to hear from you.

So, here is how this situation would work if you and I were the “actors.”

You would use the no contact rule on me. Of course, I wouldn’t realize it until I sent you a few text messages that you don’t respond to. Now, lets hit the pause button and talk about this. Personally, the more I care about someone the more I care about getting a response to a text message.

For example, if I am texting a friend I really don’t mind if my message is not responded to immediately (or at all.) However, on the flip side if I am texting a girl that I have a major crush on or an ex girlfriend (like you 😉 .) I am going to care about getting a response. So, when I send you a text message and you don’t respond to it I am going to start to get agitated.

This agitation is going to lead to me sending more messages down the road or possibly calling you out on why you are not responding to me with a message like this:

“Oh, so you are just ignoring me now?”

At this point you are going to be tempted to respond to me. In a way, I am testing you to see if you will engage with me. This is a classic “guilt trip.”

Of course, every time I send a message that you don’t respond to I am leaving myself vulnerable. This ties directly into the push/pull method that I described in this guide. Basically, the more you ignore me the more likely I am to show you attention. However, the more you send attention my way the less likely I am to give you that attention back.

Usually, after a certain amount of texts are un-responded to I will start calling you frantically. Of course, since you are in a strict NC rule you will be ignoring all of my calls. While it may take a while I will finally get the hint and stop calling which will lead me to ignore you completely.

This is where I want to hit the pause button again.

It’s this ignoring period (that I am doing to you) that I really want to discuss. What is going on in my head during this time?

Firstly, lets look at the facts. I was basically a text gnat to you after I didn’t get my way (once you started ignoring me.) When I advise people I always tell them to try to look beyond the “words” that their ex says to them and look at the actions that their ex does. My actions here, once NC was done by you was to spam you with text messages and phone calls. That fact alone means that I still have interest in you, that I still care about you.

Now, once I start ignoring you it isn’t because all of a sudden I “hate” you, it’s because I finally got the hint that you don’t want to talk to me. Most women who visit this site get very scared during the “ignoring” period by their ex. They think he will “move on” or that he will “find someone else.”

In my experience that doesn’t happen at all. I may try to convince myself that I “don’t like you anymore.” Heck, I may even mouth off to a few of my friends that I don’t want to be with you anymore but deep down that isn’t true. Deep down I am just insecure about being alone and I want to hear from you badly.

I have actually experienced this phenomenon myself before. I like to call this the fake reality phenomenon.

The Fake Reality Phenomenon

During my first breakup ever I experienced something very strange.

I am the type of guy that can sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve. It can be my biggest advantage but also my biggest downfall.

During my first breakup it was definitely my biggest downfall. This particular breakup stands out in my mind because of how nasty it was. It wasn’t nasty from her end it was nasty from my end and I think it all came down to the insecurity I felt from being alone.

Anyways, I did the “ignoring dance” for a long time with her. In fact, I remember the very first day of the breakup I convinced myself that life was better and for a while it was. I had this feeling of being free but eventually the breakup caught up with me and I had to create this fake reality for myself where I did my best to put on this facade that I was great when deep down all I wanted was to talk to my ex.

This is essentially what the fake reality phenomenon is. It’s this weird reality that an ex will create for himself during the no contact rule to tell himself that life is better without you but deep down all he really wants is to talk to you.

2. The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer

This reaction is very similar to the one above. Before I really dive in here let me give you a brief explanation of what this actually is.

Frantic Caller Turned Ignorer- A man who will frantically call after NC but will get so angry that you are ignoring him that he won’t call you again.

A perfect example of this is one of my clients who actually did get her ex back and was kind enough to come onto my podcast and do a podcast episode detailing her experience with no contact starting at 4:35,

This can be a pretty depressing reaction to get. Here is how this will break down if you and I were the “actors” in this play ;).

Just like before, you are going to implement the no contact rule on me and just like before I am going to become a text gnat by sending you a lot of different text messages and phone calls. Here is where the main difference will come into play, instead of me ignoring you (but wanting to hear from you) I am going to be ignoring you out of anger.

Let me dive a little deeper into the male thinking here.

Above I talked about how the more I care about a person emotionally the more I care about a text message response. This is an important nugget of knowledge to grasp for this reaction because it really goes down to the core of why an ex may potentially ignore you out of spit.

Look, no one likes to be flat out ignored. That fact alone is why the no contact rule is such an effective method. However, there will always be a certain portion of men that REALLY don’t like being ignored. These are the types of men that will take you ignoring them very personally. So personally in fact, that they will ignore you out of anger and spite just to “get back at you.”

Again though, lets really look at the facts. Anyone who frantically calls you definitely has an interest in you (or at least wants to know what you think.) So, while they may take your ignoring personally you have to wonder if deep down (beyond that anger) they still really want to hear from you.

I am a glass half full kind of guy so I choose to look at it like this: men who take being ignored personally will want to get back at you. However, deep down they just have this really thick “fake reality” wall built up to protect themselves from being hurt.

Remember when I was telling you that story about my very first breakup being really bad?

Well, the “frantic caller turned into ignorer” was the exact reaction that I had to the breakup. You see, my ex didn’t do a no contact rule on me but for a week we didn’t talk and I was definitely a text gnat and call gnat. Of course, after she ignored me I ignored her out of spite and created that “fake reality” to convince myself that everything was ok.

“Psssttt… want to hear a secret?”

Deep down I wanted to talk to her so bad but I was too stubborn to do so.

Speaking of stubborn!

3. The Stubborn Guy

“He is just so darn stubborn… I can’t get him to do anything I want.”

I can’t tell you how often I hear women say this to me when they talk about their ex. Unfortunately, it is a common problem. But how does that problem manifest itself in no contact? Firstly, I would like to explain exactly what the “stubborn guy” is.

The Stubborn Guy- This is a reaction that a certain man will have during the no contact period. Typically, they have the “she will have to call me first attitude.” In other words, they are too stubborn to even want to reach out during the no contact rule.

I have a feeling that a lot of women are going to be interested in this.

It is your greatest fear after all, having an ex NOT contact you at all during a no contact period. I want to explore this so you can truly understand what your ex is thinking. First though, lets get our two favorite actors to act this scenario out ;).

As always, you are going to initiate the no contact rule. However, this time I am not going to contact you. In other words, what we have here is a no contact rule stand off. Obviously, this is not what you want to have happen but the fact of the matter is that some men will react this way to the no contact rule. There are a complex range of emotions that go on here so I am going to be dividing this overall category into multiple sections. First, I would like to start with one of our favorite terms, the aftertaste effect.

The Aftertaste Effect

What is stubbornness? Perhaps more to the point, what is the definition of a stubborn person?

Stubborn Person- Someone who refuses to change their mind about something.

Why am I going into this? Well, I want to make it clear that just because someone is a stubborn person that doesn’t mean that it is impossible to change their mind. It just means you have to know how to deal with them. Lets turn our attention back to the aftertaste effect.

An ex who has the “stubborn guy” reaction to the no contact rule will have it because of the aftertaste they have of your previous relationship. For example, if I thought back to our (you and I’s) fake relationship and only thought bad things about it I would most likely have this mindset:

“I never want to talk to her again.”

Me having that thought about you is probably your greatest fear when it comes to getting me back. Of course, the thing YOU have to remember is that it is possible to change my mind. This is where your discipline comes in with the no contact rule.

The “Victim” Attitude

I would say that I can be a stubborn person when it comes to breakups. How do I know this? Well, because I lived it!

I think stubborn men as a whole adopt two specific mindsets when they are put in the no contact rule. I want to use this section to describe the first mindset.

There is a certain allure to being the victim. I mean, think about it. You get sympathy from everyone if you are a victim. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. When I read the comments and inquiries I get from readers every day I feel bad for some of the women I communicate with. ME feeling bad for you usually means that I am on your side!

How does this apply to stubborn men you ask?

Stubborn men during no contact want to be adored by their exes. If it was up to them they would have you calling them 20 times a day while they ignore you so they can show you “who’s boss.” Only you aren’t going to do that. You are a strong, independent and disciplined woman who isn’t going to break NC.

This is really NOT what they want. The fact that YOU aren’t begging them like you should be is going to agitate them and make them feel like the victim…

Yes, you read that right THEY are going to feel like the victim even though in the grand scheme of things they aren’t one. It is a really warped way of looking at things, I’ll admit, but you wanted to know about mens minds right?

The “She Has To Call Me First” Attitude

This is an attitude that I have personal experience with.

I remember during a breakup that I was so stubborn that I actually told myself “she has to call me first if she wants to talk to me.” You see, I, like most men, have a very warped way of looking at things. Every time I talk to a woman that I am dating or a woman I am interested in I look at every single interaction as a power struggle. This is especially true when it comes to who texts who first and who calls who first.

(I know, it’s really messed up isn’t it? I think it is just a guy thing.)

Anyways, having an ex call you first, if you are a stubborn guy, is like winning a game. If she calls you first you think to yourself “yup, I have her eating out of the palm of my hand.” Of course, if she doesn’t call you first then you begin to think that you are a “victim.”

In the end it all ties together.

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4. The Clueless Guy

Ah.. the clueless guy! Just a word of warning this section is going to be a bit shorter than the rest of the “reactions” during the no contact rule. That is because the clueless guy reaction is rare. So, what is a clueless guy reaction?

The Clueless Guy- A legitimate reaction where your ex is entirely clueless throughout the no contact rule. Men like this tend to be socially awkward or don’t really sense that anything is wrong.

I understand that you may be a little confused at how this reaction will play out in real life. So, as always, lets let our two professional actors act this situation out ;).

You are going to start the no contact rule on me. Of course, I am clueless about the whole situation so I may contact you or I may not. It will depend on a number of factors. If I don’t it’s not because I am trying to “put you in your place” it’s just that I am clueless about the whole situation.

Part of the reason the no contact rule works so well is the fact that the party it is being done to will sense that something is wrong. This feeling that they get will create a range of emotions and eventually (sometimes subconsciously) show them how much their ex significant other really means to them.

So, this begs the question:

Will the no contact rule even work on someone who has a “clueless” reaction? Before we can answer that we need to study the psychology behind someone with a clueless reaction.

The Psychology Behind A “Clueless” Reaction

One thing I’ve learned over my years as a coach is that men who tend to be clueless are ones that don’t have a lot of experience in relationships.

You see, one thing I have learned about women throughout my life is they tend to drop these little hints when you talk to them. These hints are a way of testing you to see where you stand on a certain issue. How you react to the hint will dictate how they approach the situation in the future.

A clueless guy is the type of guy who will not pick up any hints at all. He is too clueless or wrapped up in his own world to.

For example, during the NC period a clueless guy will not sense that anything is wrong at all. Here is where things get interesting though. He may actually contact you during the no contact period (but at the same time he may NOT contact you.)

So, there are aspects of being frantic and stubborn in there but as a whole he will not get any of the hints you drop. He will just assume everything is ok. Again, I would like to reiterate that this type of guy is very rare. I would say that there is a 95% chance that your ex boyfriend is NOT going to have this reaction.

Will The No Contact Still Work?

A few sections ago I asked a simple question. Will the no contact rule work on someone who is “clueless” about it?

The answer is YES it still can work but not in the way you think.

The biggest misconception is that the no contact rule is only for your ex boyfriend. In fact, I would say that, that is only half the battle. The half that everyone seems to forget about is the effect that NC has on YOU.

Hmm… how can I best explain this?

Ok, getting an ex boyfriend back requires an interesting balance. You have to be hyper aware of your emotions. You need to know when you have to be logical and you need to know when you have to be emotional. If you can find the perfect combination between the two (remaining logical while using your emotions to tap into your exes emotions) you have a really good chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

Here is the problem though, without the no contact rule you really don’t have any chance to acquire the logical mindset you need. Post-breakup is when you are at your emotional peak and while emotions can be good sometimes in this case you are probably too emotional to talk to your ex. That is why the no contact rule is such a beautiful thing.

If you can get through NC it shows that you have the discipline to remain logical!

5. The Scared Guy

Have you ever wondered if your ex is too scared to talk to you? In this section we are going to be covering the range of emotions that will be going through an exes head who feels too scared to even make a move. First though, I would like to define “the scared guy.”

The Scared Guy- This is a reaction that is the exact opposite of someone who frantically calls or texts. It’s a reaction that a guy will have when he is too scared to make a move during NC. He isn’t ignoring you out of stubbornness. He is ignoring you out of fear.

Lets not beat around the bush here, women are scary.

I am not afraid to admit it either.. I AM AFRAID OF WOMEN.

Still, to this day, I get the shakes when I am talking to a beautiful woman. It’s not because I am afraid of her. I am more afraid of what she is thinking about me. Here is the ironic part about the whole thing. I bet that the girl that I am talking to is getting the shakes because she is afraid of what I think about her.

The point I am trying to make here is don’t think that just because your ex isn’t contacting you it means he is stubborn. It may be entirely possible that he is too scared to reach out for fear of messing up. You tend to see this a lot with an ex boyfriend who YOU broke up with. So, let me break the “scared guy” reaction down for you.

If YOU broke up with me and implemented a no contact rule then I would definitely be afraid to contact you because of the fear of rejection. This begs an interesting question:

If you know for a fact that your ex boyfriend is afraid to contact you then shouldn’t you just break the NC and reach out to him first?


Here is what could happen in the mind of an ex boyfriend throughout the entire process:

If you contact him first during no contact he is probably going to revert to the stubborn mindset of “oh ya! I got her to reach out to me first after SHE broke up with me.” After this happens you are basically at his mercy.

Are you starting to understand no contact now? Dealing with exes during it is almost like a game. The game is all about power and usually the person with the power is in the best position.

6. The Mid Caller

This is a reaction from exes that I see a lot when I communicate with women on this site. I really want to do a good job explaining this so I am just going to cut right to the chase.

The Mid Caller- A common reaction that you will get during the NC rule. Instead of frantically calling at the beginning of the no contact rule an ex who has this reaction will call just a few times during the middle of the no contact rule.

As always, we are going to let our two favorite actors act out this scene for us so we have a better grasp of how this is all going to go down.

You are going to start the scene by implementing the no contact rule on me. I am going to enter into a NC rule duel with you. However, midway through the duel I am going to lose my nerve and reach out to you. Lets hit the pause button and explore this for a minute.

In my mind there are two possible explanations for why an ex boyfriend will call you a few days in (5-8 days) or midway through a no contact rule (14-18 days.)

Explanation #1- He Is Totally Clueless

This explanation ties directly in to what I talked about before with the “clueless guy.” It’s pretty simple really. Your ex is clueless about the whole situation and has no idea that you are doing a no contact rule on him. As a result, he will reach out in the middle of the no contact period.

Of course, when you ignore the text he sends he is going to figure out really quickly that something is up. Once he figures this out just sit back and watch the craziness ensue!

Explanation #2- He Loses The NC Rule Duel

This is much more likely to happen.

Chances are, if you are doing the no contact rule immediately after a breakup your ex boyfriend is going to be thinking about you a lot. He may have a little bit of stubbornness in him in that he won’t want to be the first one to contact you. As a result of that stubbornness he will engage with you in a no contact duel.

Of course, somewhere down the road his curiosity of what you are up to and how you are doing is going to take over and he will just throw caution to the wind by essentially losing the “duel.”

If he does lose this duel it can tell you a few important things. Firstly, he is thinking about you a lot which we can assume means that he still has some deep emotional feelings for you. Secondly, he cares about what you think and finally, YOU have power over him!

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The Angry Guy

Lets face the facts here. Getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t meant to be easy. If it was, well, then this site wouldn’t need to exist. This final reaction is what I like to call the “angry guy” reaction. Lets take a moment and define it.

The Angry Guy- The type of reaction you can get when your ex wants nothing to do with you (and means it..) Therefore, during NC he would not reach out to contact you.

The angry guy reaction is really the reaction that is going to tie into the aftertaste effect the most out of any reaction listed throughout this guide. Lets say that during our fake relationship you were not exactly a good girlfriend. You cheated on me or did something that really upset me. If I broke up with you under those pretenses then the chances are high that I left the relationship with a really bad taste in my mouth. If that was the case, then I probably will not want to contact you during the no contact period.

Except there is something different about the angry guy reaction as opposed to the stubborn guy reaction.

You see, with the stubborn guy reaction I won’t contact you during NC but deep down I will still want to hear from you. The angry guy reaction is a step above that. It is when an ex boyfriend is so angry that he wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t even want to see or hear from.

As I already stated, a lot of the angry guy reaction is going to tie into YOUR choices during your previous relationship (a la the aftertaste effect.) Of course, there are some guys that are just plain jerks that don’t know how to handle a breakup and will exhibit this reaction.

Typically, the tell tale sign of an angry guy reaction is when your ex says some very hurtful things to your face repeatedly. The keyword in that sentence is “repeatedly.” You see, you can almost expect an ex to say mean things to you after a breakup but if he keeps saying them to you over and over again post no contact (and it becomes vicious and cruel) you may have brought out the “angry guy” from within.

So, I suppose the real question here is, is it possible to get someone back if they exhibit this reaction?

Can You Get An “Angry Guy” Back?

It’s possible. In fact, one of my best friends did it.

However, it is not easy.

It is going to take a lot of patience on your part and even then there are no guarantees. In the end, what it all boils down to is if you think your ex is worth it. Really take a good hard look at your previous relationship and ask yourself a simple question:

“do I want to do this again?”

3,778 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Lyn

    November 17, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    Hi cris,
    I’m in relationships for 6 months,we are both happy,but one day one of my girl friend saw my boy friend his in a dating site looking for another girl while his in relationship with me.i asked my x bf why his there in the dating site,only the answer is NO IDEA,after that I do the NO CONTACT RULE,now it’s been 2 months NC still he never messege me,what do your think he will come back or no more? Thanks Fresilyn

  2. Fresilyn

    November 17, 2018 at 7:45 pm

    Hi cris,
    I’m in relationships for 6 months,we are both happy,but one day one of my girl friend saw my boy friend his in a dating site looking for another girl while his in relationship with me.i asked my x bf why his there in the dating site,only the answer is NO IDEA,after that I do the NO CONTACT RULE,now it’s been 2 months NC still he never messege me,what do your think he will come back or no more? Thanks Fresilyn

  3. Brittany greenleaf

    November 10, 2018 at 3:39 pm

    Hi me and my bf have been together for 13 years and have 3 kids together. He left one night after I had got into one of my moods and yelled at him, which he takes as I’m pushing him away. But I was yelling that I needed him to help me. He has blocked my number from texts and hasnt talked to the kids or me for 6 days. He told me it was over but then said he loved me and wanted me to be happy. He said let him be to do his own thing. He thinks I have been like that so he will leave and I can do whatever while hes gone. That’s not the case. Hes very insecure and low self esteem. I know he loves me. But he gets like this a couple times a year after I do. He totally ignores what the real reason is that I get like I do. I hate feeling like hes against me about something. If he accuses me of something it puts me in a bad mood cause I dont want thought of like that. He loves his kids too but he says hes in hell when this happens so he dont see them either. I’m so hurt, I love him and miss him so much!! I feel like I’m destroyed and alone. It’s so hard to go on without him. Last time he did this it was 7 days he was gone before he called to come home. He didnt call or anything before that, only sent a few mean msgs about how bad I was and that he was getting his stuff. But overall I’d like to know if hes thinking of us at all and if it’s possible to just leave like this and not look back. My head is just spinning with thoughts and fear. I want another chance. My doctor put me on prosaic to help me with my moods so I’m trying to do something about it for us.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 11, 2018 at 3:27 am

      Hi Brittany….so 13 years is a good amount of traction and that can come into play later. Best to have a plan and you will find lots of resources, books, videos, and podcasts on my site that can help you in all kinds of ways.

  4. Aryn

    November 10, 2018 at 2:06 pm

    My bf broke up with me awhile ago and I’ve been dreading it. He recently went about a drastic change in his life where he claims he’s going to need a ton of hours invested into this new career he’s always wanted to try to have any adequate amount of time for a relationship with me (we were dating for about half a year) so he broke up with me because he said I didn’t deserve that, and he’s just not ready for any kind of romantic relationship if he’s going to succeed in his dream. I understand that, and we both texted our goodbyes and good lucks for each other’s futures (we were also in an LDR, which made things more difficult..) we didn’t necessarily leave on terrible terms, but I don’t want us to be strangers. After reading a ton of articles on your site, I am going to push myself to do the full NC period.. but I have a fear that he will be over me by then.. and not contact me because he’s been so focused on this new passion/career of his. It drives me crazy not really knowing if he’s truly missing me/will miss me since his reason for leaving me is to focus on something new. I also feel that if he DOES miss me, and WANTS to contact me, his pride will get in the way of doing so (I feel he would be a mix between the stubborn guy and scared guy as mentioned in this article) because he is the one that made the decision to break up with me, and therefore, he is pushing himself to keep to that decision as a man. But I also know our relationship meant a lot to him, and he’s naturally an emotional guy, but pushes himself to act otherwise for the sake of following his dream career and working toward his future…
    In the likelihood that he won’t contact me after the NC period.. should I still even bother to try to contact him..? I at least wanted to know how he’s doing with life since this change because I still care for him and hope we can rekindle our relationship.

  5. Angela

    November 9, 2018 at 11:02 pm

    i’ve been dating a 6 years younger guy for about a half of the year. Everything was good but I had concerns because believed he should treat me like a princess. And even though he tried to make me happy and failed he said he’s not ready for the relationships because he can’t take care of himself properly but I want him to care about both of us. He told me that was the best time in his life and he will always love me, I am the best girlfriend he could ever imagine, but he makes me unhappy and he decided to leave. I said i hate him and i wish never met him. We both cried. He left and texted me the next morning ” I know you don’t want to hear from me right now but I wish you all the best on your exam”. Is there a possibility he can change his mind? He seemed to be very serious and with a firm decision. I want him to know that I was acting foolish and he did everything well, but I’m afraid he already doesn’t love me. What should I do? Can I text him and propose one more chance for our relationships?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 10, 2018 at 1:58 am

      Hi Angela!

      Have you considered No contact?

  6. Very confused

    November 9, 2018 at 1:02 am

    Me and my boyfriend broke up officially last week after months of arguing over stupid rubbish. Initially he was overly affectionate and sometimes too much, eventually I feel the roles reversed, during the relationship and the arguments he has said some awful things, we aren’t talking at the moment and I’ve moved out of our home, he says he loves me and didn’t want to end it but we won’t work, which I felt he has been feeling for a few months. He said he is fed up and angry. I’m not sure if things have gone too far now?? Is there a way back, at the moment I feel like too much has happened but then I do believe deep down we would work if we can only get over all the stupid stuff.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 9, 2018 at 3:41 am

      Hi there…that is what it often is isn’t it? We get involved in conflict with those we care for often over rubbish. Its never one person’s fault, but both partners share in the blame. Go pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. Its epic in length and will help you with your plans going forward.

  7. Shie

    October 30, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    Hi. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago coz of my stupidity and trust issues. Im just asking about something and then he’s saying i dont trust him and keep on saying im blind and didnt appreciate whatever we have specially when wer together. I do appreciate but i dont know exactly but i have this inside of me an instinct of he’s hiding something from me and i have to check his phone for me to know and find out. And now he said he is done and wishin’ a better life for me. Im messaging him many times and calling him late in the evening. Crying out loud. Begging him not to do this..coz i cannot live without him.. but he’s said “im done, thats it for me…” what will i do… i want him back. I love him so much and i cant see myself in the future without him

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 31, 2018 at 12:07 am

      Hi Shie!

      It’s OK to feel insecure about trust if you ex gave you cause to feel this way. Perhaps he has not been supportive enough of your needs. Sometimes guys will say and do stupid things. A break from each in the form of NC may be the best medicine.

  8. EmiliaSmith

    October 30, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    Hi Chris my boyfriend of two years broke up with 2 weeks ago its was a sad break up we both cried.. he stated he needed time to work out things within himself he suffers from depression and stress I have been doing NC the whole time. I was out with his cousin and she posted a pick on fb he liked her pic alone and but not the one with me then text her how was the night going… he also told her to tell me not to pay a few bills and for me not to pay them. I messed up and said thanks and all he text is welcome. Why is he playing these games? We are still friends on fb and he still has things at my house how should I proceed

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 31, 2018 at 12:10 am

      Hi Emailia!

      It sounds like he does need some help and hopefully he finds the right treatment plan. Best to execute your ex recovery plan and concluding your no contact period doing all those things I talk about in my program. Healing is key. Your personal recovery I am referring to.

  9. Susan

    October 30, 2018 at 3:26 am

    I’m going into Day 11 of NC. I was a text gnat the day I broke up with him (for texting his ex repeatedly and lying about it/hiding it), but started NC the very next day after being ignored by him. I have not heard anything from him since the day I sent him packing. We dated for just under a year and the relationship seemed to be amazing up until the last month (his ex texted him while we were out). Do you think he’ll reach out and/or is he feeling ANY remorse for doing that to me? I’m going strong with NC but also going crazy wondering what he is thinking.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 31, 2018 at 12:22 am

      Hi Susan….great job in killing off that text gnat persona. Its not unusual not to hear anything for awhile or at all. That is why you are in charge of this process if you are following the steps of my program. Guys sometimes take longer to get in touch with their feelings. The can spend a good deal of time in denial, but often when it hits them, its a wake up call.

      But you can do things while on NC to help him see what he is missing out. Just pick up one my eBooks such as the 486 page resource (Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro) to get up to speed!

  10. Kate

    October 24, 2018 at 6:19 am

    Hi Chris

    Been seeing a guy for the past four months. Got into an argument recently. I have explained over the last four weeks I’ve felt undervalued/appreciated, but I put this across very firmly. He said he just has a lot on, but my “behaviours” in the context of how I word my upset pushes him away. Spoke to him over the phone today, instead of message. He got angry, defensive, more pushing away, put on a lot on my shoulders about his work, homelife stresses, and that my comments have led him to pull away and act distant – even saying in the heat of the moment he never wanted a relationship again with me and that this “ship has left the dock yard”. I tried to initiate a conversation to get him to initially rethink his comments as a ‘stage one’ type process to this. It didn’t go to plan. All reactions, defensive on his part and underconsidered.

    Anyway, long story short, his defensiveness and pushing me away got too much. We decided to take space/time, and he also specifically requested this so that he could deal with his problems personally with work and other, and feelings towards me, and calm down on his own accord.

    Giving him space now in way of no contact.

    But dropped a message to explain as I tried on the phone before in that ‘stage one process’, that my comments towards his distancing comes from a place of upset/hurt because my needs here are not being met. So this needs to be addressed at some stage. But also we should address my comments portrayed as they are, that lead to his defensiveness/behaviours.

    We left things to say, calmly, via message that we cared for each other, but time/space was the way to go for now.

    Do you think he’ll come around and realise hes pushed away a great person (me) from his life? All I wanted was for him to appreciate me more… but by tackling these issues, without understanding the personal pressures he has, seem to only make things 100x worse.

    I really care about this person considerably, and he has echoed the same previously. I don’t want to loose him or the connection we share. How do I go about tackling this now and in the future? Do you think no contact to allow heated emotions to subside will help matters and us to recharge?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 25, 2018 at 4:23 am

      Hi Kate!

      Space can be a good thing. And as you mentioned, there will be areas you both will want to work on later. I think you can get more out of your efforts if you have an ex recovery plan. So take a look at my program which I call, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” and all the other resources and tools I offer on my site!

  11. Lily

    October 23, 2018 at 5:04 am

    Hi. My ex was trying to contact me but I was on NC so I did not respond to him and then two days after… he blocked me on Facebook! Did I make a mistake of not responding? Can I still get him back even if this happened?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 24, 2018 at 3:27 am

      Hi Lily!

      Some guys will behave that way and block you. Don’t worry about it. He is being a bad boy. You focus on your ex recovery plan.

  12. Confused

    October 22, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Thank you for your amazing articles.

    So 4 days into the NC I went to a game with a group of guy friends. I was the only girl but these really were just my friends. I happened to bump into him there and he tapped me on the shoulder and hugged me, asking how I was and what I was doing there as it was not something I usually do. I told him I was here with friends and we had come to watch the game. We’ve been dating for 4 years and it was SK extremely awkward and uncomfortable conversation although I pretended I was just fine but disappeared shortly after. On the day of our break up I was the girl you are not supposed to be. I cried, I begged, I pleaded and he just wasn’t having it. I was doing just fine with the NC until we bumped into each other. Later when I returned to the game, I had to contact one of my guy friends so he could send me my ticket to get into the stadium as I had abruptly disappeared and told them I’d meet them later. He came to get me but there was a security issue and while we were trying to sort that out, my ex aporeared and “saved the day”. I was very annoyed by this and figured that I’d already broken the no contact rule so I texted him and told him thank you but he didn’t need to “save me” anymore and that I was good and would continue to be.
    He only saw the message hours later when the game had ended and replied asking where I was. When I ignored him he asked to see me the next day. We realized we were quite close to each other and he ended up coming to see me outside that same day because he needed to ask me something. We met up outside and he said at the game someone had seen that we weren’t together and when he told them that it was coz we had broken up, the person proceeded to tell him that it was a good thing as I had apparently cheated on him. So my ex was coming to find out if this was true. And no, it was definitely not true. I never cheated. Although I do find it weird that someone would come up with something like that. Anyway he went on about how he was struggling with the break up and how he also didn’t expect to see me and it was as if he was fishing to see if I was having a hard time too. I think he was surprised at the contrast from our last encounter to the one we were having as I was not emotional and had appeared to be having a good time. I told him I went out coz I Wanted to move on with my life and that if I’d known he’d have been there – I would have never have come. I asked if he believed the rumor and he said no and then we parted ways. An hour later he texted saying he had never felt like this about anyone else and that he knows he is giving me mixed signals and that he is sorry. I told him I didn’t know what he wanted me to say( I wasn’t going to tell him I miss him too and that I feel the same way) and he replied and said I didn’t need to say anything and that he was just thinking out loud and that he would keep it to himself next time. It’s been two days of NC again. What are your thoughts on his reaction?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 24, 2018 at 3:40 am

      Hi there Confused!

      Let’s work on becoming less confused, Ok! Start with a solid plan that is about you. NC gets you there. Focus on your healing and feeling good about yourself and being the best you and meanwhile there are things you can do to reinforce your value. He has plenty of time to show his true colors.

  13. Jenny

    October 20, 2018 at 1:43 pm

    Thanks for this article. I’m 5 days into the NC. But before that I did very weird stuffs…I spammed him with texts, begging him so bad he blocked me on social media platforms…I even got my friend to talk to him. It’s not our first break up…When I came back to him the first time he was so happy to have me back, but I didn’t fix myself before getting back so we crashed. He complains of things like I want excess attention, I’m choking him, I’m making him go crazy, he needs time to fix himself,has a lot on his head, I’m stressing him, forcing conversations when he’s not in the mood, he needs me to get a job as his job alone cant suatain us, I’m not paying attention to his moods et al. We are in LDR by the way.

    Well after few days of my craziness I started the NC. He hasn’t contacted me. I feel bad I choked him, I also feel angry he neglected me all those times I needed him. I was only trying to make us better, it was never my intention to pressurised him but to him that’s all I kept doing so he had to end it.

    I understand NC is my best option as I don’t know what to say even if I call him, and I also don’t want to keep getting him angry with neediness. I really need encouragements and honest advises. I’m ready to face reality.

    Please notify me for replies

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 22, 2018 at 4:10 am

      Hi JennY!

      I do think NC is the best medicine. To more fully understand the process, just pick up 485 page ebook “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” or “The No Contact Rule Book” as those resources will walk you through the whole process during and after NC and all of the other angles you need to consider.

  14. Christina

    October 14, 2018 at 8:43 am

    Hi Chris ,
    I was with my ex boyfriend for 7 years. We broke up last year because he cheated. I cut him off and he was extremely depressed because I wouldn’t take him back and that it was the worst pain he’s ever felt in his life. Eventually we met up, and we kind of rekindled over this past month. We agreed to see where it would go and eventually he started acting distant so I confronted him and he said he isn’t ready to jump back into this right now. he said he was unsure about his feelings towards me and said he didn’t feel like the spark was there but also said he’d like to eventually try it again when he’s ready and happy with himself . He said he still loves me and that he doesn’t think this is the end for us. He wanted to still keep in touch but I told him I needed to distance myself. Im just feeling very confused as to where his head is at. I’m on day 2 of no contact . Do you think giving him space will bring him back? It’s frustrating that he hasn’t reached out to me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2018 at 9:22 pm

      Hi Christina!

      7 years is solid and has roots which plays to your favor in the long run if you want him back. Go get my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” or “Pro” so you understand fully all the elements of the NC process and implement them well. I know its frustrating, but in time you will look upon this whole period differently. Your healing and recovery is important to your overall success.

  15. artistchick

    October 8, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    I am in NC for 10 days now and have been getting the hang of it but I miss him to death. He broke up with me because he said he wanted to be alone now (think because he lost his job, had a few other problems he was obviously going through and told me about) we dated for a short amount of time (4ish/5 months) but we did so much together (even went on a weekend getaway and talked about the future a lot together) and we connected on a deep level, he seemed extremely happy to be with me and told me all the time that he loved me so much…up until the week he lost his job and it was the same week he dumped me. He told me that “he had fun, take care all the best for you”
    It was no hard feelings towards me he had but I was angry because he talked about so many things for the future and seemed so happy with me and then just, leaves.
    Will he still miss me or want to talk to me even though he said take care? Like he made it sound like not even to talk anymore ever again 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 9, 2018 at 12:41 am

      Hi there!

      It seems some guys just want to be alone and retreat instead of having a real conversation. Sorry. It happens with us guys. You should be angry because how he acted and said was so very wrong, never mind how hard a time he might be having. But let your anger go and implement your ex recovery plan if you want him back

  16. Msohio

    October 7, 2018 at 8:19 am

    Thanks Chris this was a very interesting article to read II many of the examples you gave made it to day for and by ex reached out to me however I’m unsure how to react and without thinking twice I was right there for him. He requested an invite to our home run fearfulBut I’m fearful of what’s to come next You asked if I would want this againTo be honest I really don’t know what it is I want. What I do know I want is not to be used and not to be someone’s pawn in a game. I know the old phrase goes they love is again but love is not a game no different than your religious beliefs morals and values you either have them or you don’t. So my question to you is I would like to know how do I move forward. Don’t wanna make anything easy but I also don’t want to make it difficult because I do love this person I’m more profoundly in love with this person than I thought I wasBut at the same time I still have Uncertainties of what it is I want and what I need. Thoughts are appreciated

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 7, 2018 at 10:09 pm

      Hi Msohio!

      We often don’t know what we want until we live some life. It seems the pragmatic thing for you to do is to employ no contact so you can find some healing and reflect on where you want to go with all this. If he is making you feel used, like his pawn, that is not a good thing. So take break from him and that is what no contact is about in one way. You should pick up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” or any of my other resources you can find on my site’s home page as its is full of advice and ways of looking at your personal recovery.

  17. Leila

    September 30, 2018 at 9:37 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My break up story is a bit complicated. I have been dating this guy for 9 months. He broke up with me at the point where he realized him and I could not make a family because we both come from different religious backgrounds, although he claimed he wanted me in his life. It has been one week already. I had to move back home – I live in another continent. I am not sure if he will contact me ever. He did ask about me when I flew home, precisely 6 days ago. He also insisted we stayed friends and I refused to engage in a friendship post-breakup since I am no masochist. I am tempted to take this NC seriously for a whole month and see how it will unfold. I disabled my facebook account and took down all my contacts, except for Whatsapp, where he can reach me. How effective do you think staying away will be?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2018 at 3:22 am

      Hi Leila!

      I think NC is a good choice, but its important to understand how it works. So consider picking up my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as I cover this principle in great detail over 247 pages!

  18. Alyssa

    September 28, 2018 at 11:01 pm

    Will NC still work even though the two of us agreed not to talk for a while? I was with him for 4 years and still found him unpredictable!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 29, 2018 at 3:43 am

      Hi Alyssa!

      I think it would be very good medicine for your situation. Take a look at picking up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. Its a pretty deep dive into all things related to the NC principle. One needs to understand it fully in order to maximize their chances!

  19. Mary Beth Holliday

    September 23, 2018 at 9:38 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I got together in July and we were great for a month. Then he had to watch his daughter because her mom was out. Then he just started distancing himself until I had to break up with hi over 3 texts 3 weeks ago. It has broken my heart into a million pieces. And he’s been dating other women who are nothing like me. We are perfect together. His brother and sister like me for him. I’ve been doing the no contact for 3 weeks now and it is killing me, but little by little I am accepting it. Do you think there’s anyway I can get him back??

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 23, 2018 at 10:52 pm

      HI Mary!

      NC when employed correctly is really more about your healing and recovery, so take a look at trying to get back on that track! I discuss in great detail in my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

  20. Lily

    September 19, 2018 at 2:12 am

    Hi Chris,

    I have been with my boyfriend for almost eight years. I’m 34 and he is 36. Weve been through a lot together and love each other very much. For the last couple of weeks he has been pushing me away. We haven’t seen each other like we usually do and he doesn’t respond to me when I call or text. We didn’t have a fight or anything so I’ve been really hurt by his behavior. He finally text messaged me, after I had tried to get ahold of him repeatedly, saying that he hadn’t been feeling like same guy for the last couple of months. (Around the same time we had to put down his beloved dog. His first pet and he loved him really a lot.) He said he loved but didn’t want to talk and just wanted to be alone. He said he felt bad about how he had been acting and that it wasn’t fair to me. I responded letting him know I wanted to be there for him and that I wanted him to let me in. He didn’t respond and so I texted him again letting him know I’d be here if and when he needed me. I haven’t tried contacting him again because I want to give him his space but is killing me. Technically we never broke up so I am not sure if the no contact rule applies. I guess I just need some advice on what to do. I’m heartbroken and lost and just wish he’d talk to me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 19, 2018 at 2:54 am

      Hi Lily!

      So the relationship has some roots. 8 years is meaningful. I am wondering if he is going thru a depressed state of mind. I think he will come around. I do think a mini No contact will helpful. You can even give him a heads up, letting him no you are going to be off the radar for awhile too. Check out my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. It gets into all the psychology and various permutations of the NC rule.

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