It’s a question I get asked every single day.

“What is he thinking?”

Or if you want me to be more specific:

“Now that I am in no contact can you explain what is going on in his mind?”

I decided to put this guide together to put a rest to these questions once and for all. I am going to be attempting to explain everything I know about how men react to the no contact rule. If you aren’t familiar with my website then let me give you a quick breakdown of what I am all about.

Every single “guide,” I like to use the word guide to explain my posts/articles because it sounds more authoritative, anyways, every single guide I have ever written is very long and in-depth and this particular guide will be no different. Some of the things I talk about may be hard for you to hear but at it’s core it will come from a place of truth.

In the end, I subscribe to the theory that in order for me to best help you get your ex boyfriend back you need to see the entire picture and that is what I am doing here with this guide, helping you see the parts of the picture you are missing.

(Side Note: If you want a full accounting of the “big picture” that you are missing the best place for you to start is with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO my massive book detailing all of my best theories on how to improve your chances with your ex.)

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Your Failure Of The No Contact Rule

Every single day I carve out an hour or two to answer comments and questions from the readers of this site.

At times I feel like a robot constantly repeating myself…

“Have you done NC?”

“Are you currently in NC?”

Some women will tell me that they tried the NC rule but failed after only 4 days. Others make it deep into “uncharted territory,” 10 days, before they fail.

I get it.

The no contact rule can be an extremely hard thing to complete. After all, I am asking you to essentially cut your ex boyfriend off for a full month. To be more specific, you can’t talk, text or respond to any type of communication from him.

(If you would like a full explanation of the No Contact Rule please visit this page or simply watch the video below,)

It’s funny to me that so many women fail at something SO CRUCIAL to get their ex boyfriends back.

I mean, if I told you that you would get a 100% success recovery rate if all you had to do was make it through 30 days without contacting your ex there would still be some women who would fail at not contacting their ex.

I liken it to a little kid being told “you cannot have that cookie.” The little kid knows that it is wrong to take a cookie from the jar but decides to do it anyways. Are you seeing the analogy yet?

You= the little kid.

Your ex= the cookie.

Now, lets take a look at WHY you keep reaching your hand in the cookie jar.

Whenever I write one of these guides I tend to do a lot of outlining and research. However, when I asked myself a simple question “why is it that so many women keep breaking NC?” I didn’t have to look very far for the ansewr. In fact, if you are a constant reader of this site then you won’t have to look very far either. A simple viewing of the comments should give you a pretty clear picture.

Oh, I broke NC because I didn’t want him to think less of me…

I didn’t know what he was thinking and it was driving me nuts…

I am afraid he will lose interest in me…

What if he runs off with some other girl…

With all of the concerns listed above what is the one constant?

While I admit there are many constants in the concerns above the correct answer I am looking for lies in a simple truth. Any woman who implements a no contact rule is uncertain about what is going on in her exes mind.

Therein lies the foundation on which this guide was built, helping you to better understand what goes on in your exes mind so YOU can succeed with the no contact rule!

Understanding Men During NC

It doesn’t take a genius to tell that men and women are very different creatures.

Men, much more physical, tend to lack when it comes to social situations.

Women, much more social, tend to lack when it comes to physical situations.

This is an interesting view to take when you look at our species as a whole. It explains why men need women and women need men. However, it also explains why we get our wires crossed so often.

I am a man. I understand how they think. I understand why most of my peers do the things they do. This puts YOU in a very unique position because I am spreading all of our dirty little secrets. Every single one I want to give you access to so you can better understand us.

To be more specific, I am going to be talking about how a man can possibly react (and what he will think) when a woman implements a no contact rule on him.

The first thing I need to teach you has to do with the differences in men.

Men Are Different From Women

george carlin men vs women

Above I established that men and women are different creatures. Well, I would like to take that a step further and say that not all men are the same. For example, what I find attractive in a woman another man may not.

One of my best friends springs to mind here. As two young single guys we often talk about one topic, women. I remember a few months ago my friend went on this rant about how he likes a particular “type” of woman. After his rant I chimed in and explained the type of woman I liked. In the end, we agreed to disagree but I think this little anecdote proves an interesting point.

What may be true for a lot of men may not be true for your man.

This is an important concept to understand because what I am about to explain next only exisits because of the “men are different from men” phenomenon.

When it comes to the no contact rule I have found that there are 7 main reactions and thoughts that men will have. Each reaction is different from the other in its own unique way. Now, I will eventually get around to explaining the “reactions” to you but first I need to teach you something else.

Whatever Reaction You Get Depends On Your Relationship

relationship meme

Above I established that each man is different in his own unique way. That concept will certainly have a “tie in” to the 7 different reactions I talk about later in this guide but if I am being completely truthful with you then I would say that what I am about to explain here is the single biggest factor into HOW your ex is going to react during the no contact rule.

I want you to think back to your old relationship.

Now, obviously your old relationship failed for some reason. Right now that doesn’t matter. Right now we are going to be looking at something far more valuable. Something I like to call the aftertaste effect!

What Is The Aftertaste Effect?

When I began writing Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I had a list that I put together designed to detail all of the best strategies that I found that worked to get an ex back so that I could put it in the book.

The aftertaste effect was one of those strategies.

Do you have a favorite candy?

I know I certainly do.

Whenever you eat a candy you are left with a certain aftertaste. It is that aftertaste that compels you to come back and keep eating that candy. For me the candy that has the best aftertaste is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. For some reason every time I eat one I end up eating two or three more.

Of course, candy is not good for you. Everyone knows that at a basic level and yet it is the aftertaste that compels us all to keep eating them.

Now, I want to ask you a question.

What kind of emotional “aftertaste” do you think your ex boyfriend was left with after the two of you broke up?

One thing I can tell you for sure is that YOU were left with a good aftertaste. I mean, here you are reading this far down the page because you are hungry for another relationship with your ex. (I will stop with the puns.) But I really want you to think hard and try to put yourself in your exes shoes. What kind of taste do you think he was left with?

Good or bad, whatever his aftertaste is will cause him to react a certain way to the no contact rule.

The 7 Reactions From Men During No Contact

Through a lot of trial and error I’ve learned that there are typically seven reactions that men will have during a no contact rule.

How did I come by this data you wonder?

Two ways actually!

The first is relatively simple, I coach A LOT of people one on one.

The second is actually through our private Facebook Group that we have for women going through breakups. Right now the only way to gain access to this private resource is by first reading Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. We find that if we just let anyone in the results aren’t great. However, if I require them to read PRO first then they tend to do a lot better in the group.

But I am getting way off topic.

In this section I am going to outline each of the ways and give an in-depth explanation for what is going on in his head during the reaction. Now, while you are reading about each reaction I want you to keep in mind that I will be referencing the aftertaste effect a lot. So, make sure you have a grasp of it before you read on.

Lets stop talking and start listing.

  • Reaction 1- The Frantic Caller
  • Reaction 2- The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer
  • Reaction 3- The Stubborn Guy
  • Reaction 4- The Clueless Guy
  • Reaction 5- The Scared Guy
  • Reaction 6- The Mid Caller
  • Reaction 7- The Angry Guy

Confused? Don’t worry, as always I will explain.

Here’s how this is going to work. You and I are going to play roles in each of these seven reactions.

You are going to play my ex girlfriend (who is using a 30 day no contact rule on me.) Of course, I am going to be playing your ex boyfriend and plan to give you insight on each of my reactions. Lets get started!

1. The Frantic Caller


This is an amusing reaction from a man. I remember when I first created this site I really thought that women who implemented the no contact rule would see this particular reaction from men but the truth is that not as many men have this reaction as I thought.

What is a “frantic caller?”

Frantic Caller- A man who will call “frantically” a few days after NC has started. He will eventually get the hint and stop calling. However, deep in his mind he will always want to hear from you.

So, here is how this situation would work if you and I were the “actors.”

You would use the no contact rule on me. Of course, I wouldn’t realize it until I sent you a few text messages that you don’t respond to. Now, lets hit the pause button and talk about this. Personally, the more I care about someone the more I care about getting a response to a text message.

For example, if I am texting a friend I really don’t mind if my message is not responded to immediately (or at all.) However, on the flip side if I am texting a girl that I have a major crush on or an ex girlfriend (like you 😉 .) I am going to care about getting a response. So, when I send you a text message and you don’t respond to it I am going to start to get agitated.

This agitation is going to lead to me sending more messages down the road or possibly calling you out on why you are not responding to me with a message like this:

“Oh, so you are just ignoring me now?”

At this point you are going to be tempted to respond to me. In a way, I am testing you to see if you will engage with me. This is a classic “guilt trip.”

Of course, every time I send a message that you don’t respond to I am leaving myself vulnerable. This ties directly into the push/pull method that I described in this guide. Basically, the more you ignore me the more likely I am to show you attention. However, the more you send attention my way the less likely I am to give you that attention back.

Usually, after a certain amount of texts are un-responded to I will start calling you frantically. Of course, since you are in a strict NC rule you will be ignoring all of my calls. While it may take a while I will finally get the hint and stop calling which will lead me to ignore you completely.

This is where I want to hit the pause button again.

It’s this ignoring period (that I am doing to you) that I really want to discuss. What is going on in my head during this time?

Firstly, lets look at the facts. I was basically a text gnat to you after I didn’t get my way (once you started ignoring me.) When I advise people I always tell them to try to look beyond the “words” that their ex says to them and look at the actions that their ex does. My actions here, once NC was done by you was to spam you with text messages and phone calls. That fact alone means that I still have interest in you, that I still care about you.

Now, once I start ignoring you it isn’t because all of a sudden I “hate” you, it’s because I finally got the hint that you don’t want to talk to me. Most women who visit this site get very scared during the “ignoring” period by their ex. They think he will “move on” or that he will “find someone else.”

In my experience that doesn’t happen at all. I may try to convince myself that I “don’t like you anymore.” Heck, I may even mouth off to a few of my friends that I don’t want to be with you anymore but deep down that isn’t true. Deep down I am just insecure about being alone and I want to hear from you badly.

I have actually experienced this phenomenon myself before. I like to call this the fake reality phenomenon.

The Fake Reality Phenomenon

During my first breakup ever I experienced something very strange.

I am the type of guy that can sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve. It can be my biggest advantage but also my biggest downfall.

During my first breakup it was definitely my biggest downfall. This particular breakup stands out in my mind because of how nasty it was. It wasn’t nasty from her end it was nasty from my end and I think it all came down to the insecurity I felt from being alone.

Anyways, I did the “ignoring dance” for a long time with her. In fact, I remember the very first day of the breakup I convinced myself that life was better and for a while it was. I had this feeling of being free but eventually the breakup caught up with me and I had to create this fake reality for myself where I did my best to put on this facade that I was great when deep down all I wanted was to talk to my ex.

This is essentially what the fake reality phenomenon is. It’s this weird reality that an ex will create for himself during the no contact rule to tell himself that life is better without you but deep down all he really wants is to talk to you.

2. The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer

This reaction is very similar to the one above. Before I really dive in here let me give you a brief explanation of what this actually is.

Frantic Caller Turned Ignorer- A man who will frantically call after NC but will get so angry that you are ignoring him that he won’t call you again.

A perfect example of this is one of my clients who actually did get her ex back and was kind enough to come onto my podcast and do a podcast episode detailing her experience with no contact starting at 4:35,

This can be a pretty depressing reaction to get. Here is how this will break down if you and I were the “actors” in this play ;).

Just like before, you are going to implement the no contact rule on me and just like before I am going to become a text gnat by sending you a lot of different text messages and phone calls. Here is where the main difference will come into play, instead of me ignoring you (but wanting to hear from you) I am going to be ignoring you out of anger.

Let me dive a little deeper into the male thinking here.

Above I talked about how the more I care about a person emotionally the more I care about a text message response. This is an important nugget of knowledge to grasp for this reaction because it really goes down to the core of why an ex may potentially ignore you out of spite.

Look, no one likes to be flat out ignored. That fact alone is why the no contact rule is such an effective method. However, there will always be a certain portion of men that REALLY don’t like being ignored. These are the types of men that will take you ignoring them very personally. So personally in fact, that they will ignore you out of anger and spite just to “get back at you.”

Again though, lets really look at the facts. Anyone who frantically calls you definitely has an interest in you (or at least wants to know what you think.) So, while they may take your ignoring personally you have to wonder if deep down (beyond that anger) they still really want to hear from you.

I am a glass half full kind of guy so I choose to look at it like this: men who take being ignored personally will want to get back at you. However, deep down they just have this really thick “fake reality” wall built up to protect themselves from being hurt.

Remember when I was telling you that story about my very first breakup being really bad?

Well, the “frantic caller turned into ignorer” was the exact reaction that I had to the breakup. You see, my ex didn’t do a no contact rule on me but for a week we didn’t talk and I was definitely a text gnat and call gnat. Of course, after she ignored me I ignored her out of spite and created that “fake reality” to convince myself that everything was ok.

“Psssttt… want to hear a secret?”

Deep down I wanted to talk to her so bad but I was too stubborn to do so.

Speaking of stubborn!

3. The Stubborn Guy

“He is just so darn stubborn… I can’t get him to do anything I want.”

I can’t tell you how often I hear women say this to me when they talk about their ex. Unfortunately, it is a common problem. But how does that problem manifest itself in no contact? Firstly, I would like to explain exactly what the “stubborn guy” is.

The Stubborn Guy- This is a reaction that a certain man will have during the no contact period. Typically, they have the “she will have to call me first attitude.” In other words, they are too stubborn to even want to reach out during the no contact rule.

I have a feeling that a lot of women are going to be interested in this.

It is your greatest fear after all, having an ex NOT contact you at all during a no contact period. I want to explore this so you can truly understand what your ex is thinking. First though, lets get our two favorite actors to act this scenario out ;).

As always, you are going to initiate the no contact rule. However, this time I am not going to contact you. In other words, what we have here is a no contact rule stand off. Obviously, this is not what you want to have happen but the fact of the matter is that some men will react this way to the no contact rule. There are a complex range of emotions that go on here so I am going to be dividing this overall category into multiple sections. First, I would like to start with one of our favorite terms, the aftertaste effect.

The Aftertaste Effect

What is stubbornness? Perhaps more to the point, what is the definition of a stubborn person?

Stubborn Person- Someone who refuses to change their mind about something.

Why am I going into this? Well, I want to make it clear that just because someone is a stubborn person that doesn’t mean that it is impossible to change their mind. It just means you have to know how to deal with them. Lets turn our attention back to the aftertaste effect.

An ex who has the “stubborn guy” reaction to the no contact rule will have it because of the aftertaste they have of your previous relationship. For example, if I thought back to our (you and I’s) fake relationship and only thought bad things about it I would most likely have this mindset:

“I never want to talk to her again.”

Me having that thought about you is probably your greatest fear when it comes to getting me back. Of course, the thing YOU have to remember is that it is possible to change my mind. This is where your discipline comes in with the no contact rule.

The “Victim” Attitude

I would say that I can be a stubborn person when it comes to breakups. How do I know this? Well, because I lived it!

I think stubborn men as a whole adopt two specific mindsets when they are put in the no contact rule. I want to use this section to describe the first mindset.

There is a certain allure to being the victim. I mean, think about it. You get sympathy from everyone if you are a victim. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. When I read the comments and inquiries I get from readers every day I feel bad for some of the women I communicate with. ME feeling bad for you usually means that I am on your side!

How does this apply to stubborn men you ask?

Stubborn men during no contact want to be adored by their exes. If it was up to them they would have you calling them 20 times a day while they ignore you so they can show you “who’s boss.” Only you aren’t going to do that. You are a strong, independent and disciplined woman who isn’t going to break NC.

This is really NOT what they want. The fact that YOU aren’t begging them like you should be is going to agitate them and make them feel like the victim…

Yes, you read that right THEY are going to feel like the victim even though in the grand scheme of things they aren’t one. It is a really warped way of looking at things, I’ll admit, but you wanted to know about mens minds right?

The “She Has To Call Me First” Attitude

This is an attitude that I have personal experience with.

I remember during a breakup that I was so stubborn that I actually told myself “she has to call me first if she wants to talk to me.” You see, I, like most men, have a very warped way of looking at things. Every time I talk to a woman that I am dating or a woman I am interested in I look at every single interaction as a power struggle. This is especially true when it comes to who texts who first and who calls who first.

(I know, it’s really messed up isn’t it? I think it is just a guy thing.)

Anyways, having an ex call you first, if you are a stubborn guy, is like winning a game. If she calls you first you think to yourself “yup, I have her eating out of the palm of my hand.” Of course, if she doesn’t call you first then you begin to think that you are a “victim.”

In the end it all ties together.

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4. The Clueless Guy

Ah.. the clueless guy! Just a word of warning this section is going to be a bit shorter than the rest of the “reactions” during the no contact rule. That is because the clueless guy reaction is rare. So, what is a clueless guy reaction?

The Clueless Guy- A legitimate reaction where your ex is entirely clueless throughout the no contact rule. Men like this tend to be socially awkward or don’t really sense that anything is wrong.

I understand that you may be a little confused at how this reaction will play out in real life. So, as always, lets let our two professional actors act this situation out ;).

You are going to start the no contact rule on me. Of course, I am clueless about the whole situation so I may contact you or I may not. It will depend on a number of factors. If I don’t it’s not because I am trying to “put you in your place” it’s just that I am clueless about the whole situation.

Part of the reason the no contact rule works so well is the fact that the party it is being done to will sense that something is wrong. This feeling that they get will create a range of emotions and eventually (sometimes subconsciously) show them how much their ex significant other really means to them.

So, this begs the question:

Will the no contact rule even work on someone who has a “clueless” reaction? Before we can answer that we need to study the psychology behind someone with a clueless reaction.

The Psychology Behind A “Clueless” Reaction

One thing I’ve learned over my years as a coach is that men who tend to be clueless are ones that don’t have a lot of experience in relationships.

You see, one thing I have learned about women throughout my life is they tend to drop these little hints when you talk to them. These hints are a way of testing you to see where you stand on a certain issue. How you react to the hint will dictate how they approach the situation in the future.

A clueless guy is the type of guy who will not pick up any hints at all. He is too clueless or wrapped up in his own world to.

For example, during the NC period a clueless guy will not sense that anything is wrong at all. Here is where things get interesting though. He may actually contact you during the no contact period (but at the same time he may NOT contact you.)

So, there are aspects of being frantic and stubborn in there but as a whole he will not get any of the hints you drop. He will just assume everything is ok. Again, I would like to reiterate that this type of guy is very rare. I would say that there is a 95% chance that your ex boyfriend is NOT going to have this reaction.

Will The No Contact Still Work?

A few sections ago I asked a simple question. Will the no contact rule work on someone who is “clueless” about it?

The answer is YES it still can work but not in the way you think.

The biggest misconception is that the no contact rule is only for your ex boyfriend. In fact, I would say that, that is only half the battle. The half that everyone seems to forget about is the effect that NC has on YOU.

Hmm… how can I best explain this?

Ok, getting an ex boyfriend back requires an interesting balance. You have to be hyper aware of your emotions. You need to know when you have to be logical and you need to know when you have to be emotional. If you can find the perfect combination between the two (remaining logical while using your emotions to tap into your exes emotions) you have a really good chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

Here is the problem though, without the no contact rule you really don’t have any chance to acquire the logical mindset you need. Post-breakup is when you are at your emotional peak and while emotions can be good sometimes in this case you are probably too emotional to talk to your ex. That is why the no contact rule is such a beautiful thing.

If you can get through NC it shows that you have the discipline to remain logical!

5. The Scared Guy

Have you ever wondered if your ex is too scared to talk to you? In this section we are going to be covering the range of emotions that will be going through an exes head who feels too scared to even make a move. First though, I would like to define “the scared guy.”

The Scared Guy- This is a reaction that is the exact opposite of someone who frantically calls or texts. It’s a reaction that a guy will have when he is too scared to make a move during NC. He isn’t ignoring you out of stubbornness. He is ignoring you out of fear.

Lets not beat around the bush here, women are scary.

I am not afraid to admit it either.. I AM AFRAID OF WOMEN.

Still, to this day, I get the shakes when I am talking to a beautiful woman. It’s not because I am afraid of her. I am more afraid of what she is thinking about me. Here is the ironic part about the whole thing. I bet that the girl that I am talking to is getting the shakes because she is afraid of what I think about her.

The point I am trying to make here is don’t think that just because your ex isn’t contacting you it means he is stubborn. It may be entirely possible that he is too scared to reach out for fear of messing up. You tend to see this a lot with an ex boyfriend who YOU broke up with. So, let me break the “scared guy” reaction down for you.

If YOU broke up with me and implemented a no contact rule then I would definitely be afraid to contact you because of the fear of rejection. This begs an interesting question:

If you know for a fact that your ex boyfriend is afraid to contact you then shouldn’t you just break the NC and reach out to him first?


Here is what could happen in the mind of an ex boyfriend throughout the entire process:

If you contact him first during no contact he is probably going to revert to the stubborn mindset of “oh ya! I got her to reach out to me first after SHE broke up with me.” After this happens you are basically at his mercy.

Are you starting to understand no contact now? Dealing with exes during it is almost like a game. The game is all about power and usually the person with the power is in the best position.

6. The Mid Caller

This is a reaction from exes that I see a lot when I communicate with women on this site. I really want to do a good job explaining this so I am just going to cut right to the chase.

The Mid Caller- A common reaction that you will get during the NC rule. Instead of frantically calling at the beginning of the no contact rule an ex who has this reaction will call just a few times during the middle of the no contact rule.

As always, we are going to let our two favorite actors act out this scene for us so we have a better grasp of how this is all going to go down.

You are going to start the scene by implementing the no contact rule on me. I am going to enter into a NC rule duel with you. However, midway through the duel I am going to lose my nerve and reach out to you. Lets hit the pause button and explore this for a minute.

In my mind there are two possible explanations for why an ex boyfriend will call you a few days in (5-8 days) or midway through a no contact rule (14-18 days.)

Explanation #1- He Is Totally Clueless

This explanation ties directly in to what I talked about before with the “clueless guy.” It’s pretty simple really. Your ex is clueless about the whole situation and has no idea that you are doing a no contact rule on him. As a result, he will reach out in the middle of the no contact period.

Of course, when you ignore the text he sends he is going to figure out really quickly that something is up. Once he figures this out just sit back and watch the craziness ensue!

Explanation #2- He Loses The NC Rule Duel

This is much more likely to happen.

Chances are, if you are doing the no contact rule immediately after a breakup your ex boyfriend is going to be thinking about you a lot. He may have a little bit of stubbornness in him in that he won’t want to be the first one to contact you. As a result of that stubbornness he will engage with you in a no contact duel.

Of course, somewhere down the road his curiosity of what you are up to and how you are doing is going to take over and he will just throw caution to the wind by essentially losing the “duel.”

If he does lose this duel it can tell you a few important things. Firstly, he is thinking about you a lot which we can assume means that he still has some deep emotional feelings for you. Secondly, he cares about what you think and finally, YOU have power over him!

The Angry Guy

Lets face the facts here. Getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t meant to be easy. If it was, well, then this site wouldn’t need to exist. This final reaction is what I like to call the “angry guy” reaction. Lets take a moment and define it.

The Angry Guy- The type of reaction you can get when your ex wants nothing to do with you (and means it..) Therefore, during NC he would not reach out to contact you.

The angry guy reaction is really the reaction that is going to tie into the aftertaste effect the most out of any reaction listed throughout this guide. Lets say that during our fake relationship you were not exactly a good girlfriend. You cheated on me or did something that really upset me. If I broke up with you under those pretenses then the chances are high that I left the relationship with a really bad taste in my mouth. If that was the case, then I probably will not want to contact you during the no contact period.

Except there is something different about the angry guy reaction as opposed to the stubborn guy reaction.

You see, with the stubborn guy reaction I won’t contact you during NC but deep down I will still want to hear from you. The angry guy reaction is a step above that. It is when an ex boyfriend is so angry that he wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t even want to see or hear from.

As I already stated, a lot of the angry guy reaction is going to tie into YOUR choices during your previous relationship (a la the aftertaste effect.) Of course, there are some guys that are just plain jerks that don’t know how to handle a breakup and will exhibit this reaction.

Typically, the tell tale sign of an angry guy reaction is when your ex says some very hurtful things to your face repeatedly. The keyword in that sentence is “repeatedly.” You see, you can almost expect an ex to say mean things to you after a breakup but if he keeps saying them to you over and over again post no contact (and it becomes vicious and cruel) you may have brought out the “angry guy” from within.

So, I suppose the real question here is, is it possible to get someone back if they exhibit this reaction?

Can You Get An “Angry Guy” Back?

It’s possible. In fact, one of my best friends did it.

However, it is not easy.

It is going to take a lot of patience on your part and even then there are no guarantees. In the end, what it all boils down to is if you think your ex is worth it. Really take a good hard look at your previous relationship and ask yourself a simple question:

“do I want to do this again?”

3,884 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar


    May 21, 2019 at 5:26 am

    Hi it’s been nearly 3 weeks since we split now and he hasn’t contacted me at all..I sent 3 messages and he replied to my daughter not me ..I am now a week away into NC .he has blocked Mebon whatsap but not his phone .he seems to be moving on by moving in with a friend and now has a new group of friends at the local pub.he MSG’s my daughter every day .I guess that’s his way of keeping an eye on me .

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    May 19, 2019 at 7:20 am

    If he didn’t get back to you at all, that’s it. He just don’t love you enough to fight for you and your relationship. A man who really loves you will do whatever it takes to keep you – whether you guys are in the lowest or highest point.

    I just broke up with him. Prior to that, I was always in the state of anxiety and that’s when I wanted to feel more affection from him. But everyday was just full of lame conversations. Not to mention him playing online games whenever we’re both online on messenger. So that’s when I did the NC thing.

    Then one day I saw him removed all tagged photos we have on his social media account. And I was like so frustrated. I was thinking of giving two weeks. But I failed. After just one week, I messaged him and I said I can’t take it anymore and I felt like I want to break uo with him. Guess what. He replied as if it doesn’t matter to him. I knew right then, he’s not afraid to lose me at all. So why should I be?

    We’re almost 3 years but yeah, life happens. ‍♀️

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    May 18, 2019 at 10:20 am

    Hi I have just split from my boyfriend of 6 years.He wasn’t making time for me ,he was going to the pub and spending time with mates ..rather than making quality time for us.he even went to a April club rather than making time for me. I made it clear I wasn’t happy and cut off contact for a week ..he has now blocked me and msgs my teen instead pass on MSG’s to me ..he has a good relationship with her ..however I think he is using this to get at me. ..he is now moving in with a friend near where I live.the whole thing just seems a mess ..I feel like I’m being punished when he was clearly in the wrong..I don’t know what to do or if there is anything I can do.

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    May 13, 2019 at 10:54 pm

    I’d never had a boyfriend. I’m mentally challenged and 45.but I met a guy at church breakfast he wanted to be more than friends 2 days after we met.but I think he has a mental problem.we’re poor so he only came over to eat or go to library,but he called me a gold digger for wanting to go to a movie.then later said hed never say he has multiple personality.However,I was happy when he kissed me and had me touch him,after 2 weeks of knowing him.but it was too fast as im a virgin &waiting til marriage.but thankful thats all he wanted.i only allowed it because he said he was my boyfriend.4 months later,a week before his birthday (he never spent xmas,valentines day or his birthday with me)he stopped contacting me for 2 weeks.he said we were “never dating” & i worried too much what he did,for a girlfriend.he hasn’t written me since.and even ran out of church twice,not saying hello.i think hes afraid of sex and commitment cuz when he saw ladies talking about their sex lives on tv,he freaked out like a abuse survivor&yelled for me to change the channel in a childlike voice.was he just using me to touch him and then dumped me before I expected sex?he broke my heart..ill never date again. jj

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    May 12, 2019 at 8:02 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I have been dating someone for 4 months, when suddenly it all started to go wrong. He was pulling back and being cold with me. I never knew where I stood with him it was diving me insane. I started to panic and become crazy and clutch onto him as much as I can. We both have kids to other partners and he split with his baby mumma just over a year ago she left him and did some serious damage. Anyway he’s told me that he doesn’t want to continue this anymore because he doesn’t have the time to put into it with his upcoming career and also he needs to work on himself and be alone. I don’t understand it I’m wreck. It’s ended quite badly with me begging and pleading for him not to leave telling him I love him. Do you think NC will work even though he’s said it’s done.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2019 at 3:30 pm

      Hi Jessica….NC has proven to be an effective strategy, though you cannot just do that in isolation of the other elements of a solid ex recovery program. Take a look at my Program, called, “EBR Pro Bundle” as it offers a variety of resources.

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    May 5, 2019 at 5:47 am

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 2 months. At first everything was great. We were in love and can’t stop being with each other but then we started having fights. I admit I became toxic. Most of our fights started because I didn’t get my way or because I was complaining about things. I didn’t give him the freedom he wanted and I wanted him to update me about his life all the time. But he was like that to me during the start of the relationship. At first, he was annoying to me but then I became used to him and I kinda adopted his habits. So now, it’s like our roles have reversed. I’m now the obsessed one. But in every fight we had, we made up after a few hours. We always forgive each other and go back to being sweet so I thought everything was okay. But now I think I just took him for granted. One time we had a really huge fight and he told me he wanted to break up but I said I didn’t want to. In the end, we made up and agreed to continue with our relationship. But after that, he became cold. I started complaining to him why he is acting cold. I wasn’t used to it because after we make up, he usually goes back to being sweet with me. He wasn’t his usual self and so, I started attacking him for it. We then had another fight. He said he didn’t love me anymore and he wants to break up for real. He said he doesn’t want a commitment right now and want no limitations. He is currently studying right now for his board exams, and told me he wants a cool off. He said he will talk to me again after his board exams. Of course I said no, which I know was not the right thing to do but I was emotional that time and I kept thinking what if he realizes he doesn’t want to be with me after the cool off period? Right now we are still texting each other. But for now, he doesn’t tell me he loves me or miss me anymore. I have talked to him about our relationship and that I’m willing to change but he said there’s nothing that I can do anymore. I asked him for a second chance and he said if he gives me a second chance, there’s no point because he won’t be sweet with me. I am now seriously considering no contact because I feel like it would also be healthy for me to not cling on him so much. And this way, he’ll also get what he wants. But I’m just afraid is there still a chance that he will commit to me again? If I do no contact, will there be a chance that he will stay in our relationship? He is my first boyfriend and I really love him and I know I screwed up. That’s why I’m scared what if after no contact, he won’t contact me first? What if he realizes that he really doesn’t want to be with me?

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    May 1, 2019 at 7:40 pm

    My BF broke up with me last week. We were still texting back and forth nicely to one another and then he went completely dark on me out of the blue. I turned into a gnat and the next day I texted him to send my things and not to contact me again and started NC. I deleted all of our shared albums and notes, and he has since blocked me from even social media and we weren’t even friends on social media. I am 4 days into NC and I know he’s trying to get a reaction out of me and I’m trying to stay strong. Did I screw up by telling him not to contact me?

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    May 1, 2019 at 12:20 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My situation is complicated…. I’m an unhappily married woman. About a year ago, I reached out just to say hello to an old friend, who was having marriage problems as well. We started texting and having real intimate texts. Eventually he got a divorce and I remained married. He started dating someone else but still kept communicating with me. After they broke up, he was still trying to find someone else and so he did. After he started dating this time, he told me we could remain friends, he still loved me but there can be no more intimate texting. This feels just like a Break up. I’m not sure if I’ll ever hear from him again, not sure if I need too.

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    April 28, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    So my ex and I were best friends. We did so much together and shared so much of our time, thoughts, stresses, and feelings. However we ended up cheating together (he had been together with his ex for 5 years). I told him before he broke up with her that he could stay with her and work things out, but he ended it and we got together. We fought several times and broke up on and off within a 7 month time frame and I finally ended it for good, or I thought. After a few weeks of not speaking I reached out and wanted to try again. So we hung out a few times but ultimately space was put between us, (I asked him to move out so we could take things slow). Well, we never got back together, we stopped talking and on day 30 of the NC, he called me and told me he never loved me, that his ex was the love of his life and that he associates all the bad times in his life to me and that though he doesn’t hate me, he hates me when he thinks about his mistakes. This came out of nowhere because before the 30 day NC we still said we loved each other. It’s been 30+ days and I’m curious which guy this falls under?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2019 at 9:09 pm

      Hi Amy….Obviously, I don’t now all the details, but your ex seems confused about what he wants and what is important to him. Its unclear whether he has attachment issues or is just wrestling with what is important. Thru the continuation of NC you can not only focus on your continued healing and growth, but it also provides an avenue for him to potentially come to have greater appreciation of your value.

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    April 28, 2019 at 5:28 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I were together for 4 years in this time we broke up 3 times due to various different reasons ( his mental health which I think is due to smoking weed most nights) and him talking to another girl We broke up around 2 weeks ago and it was a messy sad ending and then he contacted me a few days later saying he felt guilty of how it ended and wanted to speak, me met up and spoke and he said he couldn’t live without me and he loved me endlessly and he wouldn’t break my heart again and then he got really high and ignored me and then a day later over facetime said he couldn’t do it. Since then he has blocked me on all social media, WhatsApp and my number. It’s now been a week. I’m pretty confident he is talking to another girl already as our initial arguement stemmed from that. Should I do 30 days No Contact? Is there any hope he would come back

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 28, 2019 at 6:00 pm

      Hi Ella….I do think No Contact is in order here and 30 days is often a period people start off with. I encourage to take a deeper dive into all my resources here at the site and consider picking up my digital Program that should help you with understanding all the things you should post breakup.

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    Chandler Stone

    April 26, 2019 at 9:48 pm

    Hey, I’m Chandler. My boyfriend and I are still extremely in love but we’ve gone through a break up due to our own mental health issues. I am a trans FTM male and my gender dysphoria caused a lot of strain in our relationship-combined with a disorder I believe I have called PMMD (a severe form of pms that causes thoughts of self harm). He is emotionally overwhelmed by these problems but told me he will always love me. What do I do now? I want to fight for it. I see a future with this man.

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    April 21, 2019 at 12:25 pm

    Hi Chris! New visitor here. So I just broke up with my bf. He said he couldn’t maintain our communication since his new work takes a lot of his time that he couldn’t manage to initiate a contact because he’s already too tired to do so. We were in a long distance relationship so we can only text or calls. He said he still loves me so much that he did this because he didn’t want to hurt me any longer. We’ve met since middle school (about 8 years ago) and we were quiet close at those time but we’re in an on and off communication. Sometimes we’re so close (as a best friend) but then we lost contact of each other. When we reconnected again a year ago, we finally decided to date. During those 8 years he only dated one girl before me and he said to me that I never really leave his mind. But now when he had the chance to be with me again as a lover, he just let me go so easily. I always thought it’s because he’s just not used to being in a relationship. When he finally being in a relationship, he’s often clueless of what he should do.

    He is a stubborn man, he said someday he might regret his decision of leaving me, but he won’t look back because once he said no he’ll say no forever. But he ever said to me that before we reconnected a year ago, he had made up his mind to forget his feelings towards me and he wanted to have a new beginning with maybe another girl. But when we surprisingly met again, he still fallen in love with me and offer a committed relationship. He said he didn’t want to lose his chance to be with me again.

    When I asked him what did I do that made him leave, he said I didn’t do anything wrong and he was happy in our relationship. But just because he can’t handle his new world, he’s just willing to let go.

    Do you think no contact would still possible? Because I think he’s belong to the clueless guy category since he hasn’t been in a lot of relationship before. And I didn’t get a clear explanation about this category in this article. I hope to hear your response, Chris. Thank you so much, your blog really lift my hopes up to get my ex back. Because we are so in love and we weren’t get into argument too much, and I think we’re worth to be together.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2019 at 3:56 pm

      Hi Rosseane….unfortunately, lots of guys can be stubborn – sometimes to a fault. I do think No Contact would be the right path here. You should consider picking up my 485 page eBook, “EBR PRO” as it lay out out the whole strategy in detail.

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    April 21, 2019 at 1:30 am

    Hi Chris,
    I started dating a guy in October – he moved too fast & it freaked me out. I didnt handle my feelings properly (started pushing him away/being a brat instead of just telling him I like him but we need to slow down). Eventually there was a role reversal – I started liking him more; he became distant. Ultimately it was at the point where he would do something nice for, say, my birthday, but then he would disappear for 3 days. In mid-March I said we should take some time apart & figure out what we want. Initially I felt good about my decision, but he was sitting w/me when I told him how I felt ….& he started crying. I immediately felt bad, so the next day instead of keeping to myself as I had intended I reached out in an effort to make him smile. That led to a dumb fight (I was trying to be nice but he took it as I wasn’t giving him the space I’d mentioned…).
    Moving along – I had invited him to attend a wedding w/me come May 18. We have had some awkward conversations since March; he said the wedding is on his calendar/he has not said he will not go. This should be a good sign right? Except I’m the one making effort to reach out now-a-days… I asked if we could get together at the start of May; the day I suggested didn’t work for him but he said “yes we can find another time”.
    It will be at least 2 weeks until I see him – I have told myself during that time I won’t reach out – but what happens after? Do I wait until the wedding, assume he’s true to his word & will come w/me & make like everything is ok? I’d like to do that, meanwhile I also want to apologize to him about the past, ask if we can let the negative go & have a fresh start, etc.
    Any advice would be great!

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    Janice Everett

    April 18, 2019 at 11:06 pm

    Chris -This is Janice again! Why do you think that the guy that came back into my life just recently told me that he was recently engaged to a woman that he just met?

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    April 18, 2019 at 8:10 am

    I have been married for 15 years with this guy. One day, in the middle of thd night had everything packed and moved out with another woman without saying anything. He complains to everybody he has been a victim. It’s been 2 years and a half and since then he refuses to talk to me. So, no contact at all. Is it possible that he never loved me?? He seems to be very happy with this woman and when I tried to talk to me for some reason (he still had the residence at my address, but now, one week ago he asked me for the divorce paper in order to move his domicile to her address). Is it possible not to feel anything at all for me?? I still feel him everywhere, as if he’s with me all the time. If he just moved with another person this is not a rebound relationship right? Too many years passed already. He got used to her. And what s curious is that he never posted pictures with me and him on social media or give me hearts and likes for every post on Facebook. She did with her all the time, from the very moment she moved, post pictures with them and goes with her everywhere. With me in 15 years we went out on vacations only 4 times but with her went everywhere. Pls tell me. what is going on, what is he thinking or if he ever come back… 🙁

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    April 17, 2019 at 10:45 am

    Hi Chris! I have been knowing this guy since 2013. He is a very emotional person who is very argumentative. He doesn’t know how to effectively communicate with people without constantly getting hostile. He stays angry most of the time. At one point in time several years ago, he wanted us to be in a relationship, but I wasn’t ready at that time! So, we faded out of each other’s lives for a while. So, about 4 weeks ago, he called me out of the blue and told me he wanted to come and visit me and that he was in his car and close to my house. So, I met him out in the street and we hung out and then, we checked into a hotel. We had sex and then, the next morning, I got up and had to run some errands, so, after I ran my errands, I went back to the hotel and he was asleep and it appeared he had been drinking quite a bit of beer based on all of the beer cans that were in the trash can! When I walked into the hotel room, the whole entire room smelled like feces. So, I woke him up and pulled the sheets back and his sheets were covered in feces. He refused to get out of the bed and take a shower because he was too embarrassed! Then, he started yelling and screaming at me, so, I told him to go home, so, we could check out if the hotel and he got up and put on his clothes and drove 3 hours back to his home where he lives. I haven’t heard from him since and I have tried to contact him several times, and he blocked me. So, yesterday, I decided to call him and he answered his phone and immediately told me that he was engaged to a woman that he has only known for 30 days and that he was off the market and told me that he hopes I find someone and hung up the phone on me! Please give me some advice about this situation. He still appears to be very angry with me and I didn’t do anything wrong!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 17, 2019 at 2:04 pm

      HI Janice..Yes, anger can fly in the way of making reasoned decisions and he seems to be acting from an angry place. Consider implementing No Contact. You can tap into my Program to learn more.

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    April 15, 2019 at 8:50 am

    Hi Chris,

    I’ve known the guy I was dating for 4 years and we had been dating for 2 months. We agreed to be exclusive however a few weeks ago I asked him if he wanted to be with me. He said “not yet. I don’t jump into things quickly as I want to be sure”. The following weekend I was drunk and slept with someone else. Out of guilt, and wanting to work on having a trusting relationship, I told him. He now wants nothing to do with me and said there is no chance we will get back together. Is there anyway you can help? Or am I doomed with this one?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 15, 2019 at 2:27 pm

      Hi Leah…so 4 years helps with pulling each of you back into the other’s orbit. That time together usually will create a bond that is hard to simply throw away easily. Its best to have an ex recovery plan to optimize your chances. That is what I specialize in!

  18. Avatar


    April 15, 2019 at 5:39 am

    Long time reader of your site, but always failed before when I’ve tried. This is my longest relationship now, a few years, and I love him very much. I’m off doing research in a foreign country – it has been one month and I have one more to go, trying to message him exciting stories and pictures, pictures he likes- but now he has set me to ignore on Facebook (the setting that makes someone a stranger, puts them in message requests- but doesn’t block them, just makes it so they can’t call), right after I convinced him to talk to me on the phone (it went well, he sounded sad but…we just talked, tried to remind him of fun things). Right before that he had been hanging up when I tried to call. We lived together the last 2 years.

    When I left we had a small fight, but all our issues have been small – like about tidyness, and he was still sweet when be took me to the airport. I know the last year has left a bad aftertaste for him, I’ve been very ill and stressed, he’s had family issues. I’m afraid that the less I contact him, he’ll convince himself even more that we aren’t right -since he focuses only on the bad things. He’s trying to end things but part of it is the family issues and grief – he can’t handle that stress. I want some encouragement that no contact could work and that it’s not just playing a game, that it won’t create resentment later? Is it normal for them to try forms of blocking the other first, like he is now? Have you ever heard of a case where the guy acts like he’s being “forced” and rebels against everything (we’re in our late 20s) that makes him feel that way in the relationship? I told him he was free, to try and relieve this…it just made things worse! The silence from him and disinterest is driving me crazy, I feel so alone where I am and I’d love to talk to him and share my stories, he was my closest friend for a while now. But in the last few months before I left, he’d been saying meaner and meaner things, that he thinks I won’t succeed and the relationship has been a lie.

    I called him from a literal island paradise before he blocked me, so I really am just stunned and confused.

    What’s going on and can no contact resolve this kind of thing? I will do it to get him back, without a doubt, if it could work. Otherwise I need to contact him to get my important stuff moved from his place right away. Trying to decide the best course of action a d why he’s being like this…any insight?

    Thank you so much for your site!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 15, 2019 at 2:30 pm

      HI there “Bridge Over…” Thanks for reading my site I do think giving each other space can help. You can give him a heads up as to why you need some alone time and allow the process to work in its various forms. Pick up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” or “EBR Pro” if you have not already as it will help guide you thru this process.

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    April 12, 2019 at 3:43 am

    Hi Chris , i initiated breakup with my boyfriend as he had pulled away fr almost a month. He made it clear he had pulled away because of certain issues with him at home and work and it had nothing to do with me. Even though he pulled away i would send him romantic notes, appreciate him, gave him surprise visit which he loved, cooked food for him , got him stuff. And since he pulled away i was confused whether he wantrd to breakup.. And when i asked him he would tell me he had no intentions of breaking up. We have been in a relationship for 4months, and last one month i had to do everything including calling him.. He had taken me for granted and tahts why i decided to call it off woth a polite message..he didnt respond for one week neither did i.. So exactly after a week he msgs me sayin he cant believe i didnt have the patience to deal with him and wished me all the best.. I didnt respond to tht and in an hour he tries to initiate a casual conversation to which i didnt respond. Today is my 8th day of NC. How should i go about it

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 13, 2019 at 1:45 am

      Hi Neena…best to be guided by an ex recovery plan so you understand all of the elements of implementing NC!

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    April 12, 2019 at 12:25 am

    Hello Chris,

    I was wondering if the NC works with marriages as well, we are currently waiting for divorce papers in the mail… I feel that with the divorce finalized there will be no going back… Also he is what you call the angry guy. I’m afraid my marriage is not salvageable. We both have made the same exact huge mistakes but he feels that mine is somehow worse. He’s also started seeing other women and it’s only been a month since I left. He states that he wants nothing to do with me and says terribly hurtful things.

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