It’s a question I get asked every single day.

“What is he thinking?”

Or if you want me to be more specific:

“Now that I am in no contact can you explain what is going on in his mind?”

I decided to put this guide together to put a rest to these questions once and for all. I am going to be attempting to explain everything I know about how men react to the no contact rule. If you aren’t familiar with my website then let me give you a quick breakdown of what I am all about.

Every single “guide,” I like to use the word guide to explain my posts/articles because it sounds more authoritative, anyways, every single guide I have ever written is very long and in-depth and this particular guide will be no different. Some of the things I talk about may be hard for you to hear but at it’s core it will come from a place of truth.

In the end, I subscribe to the theory that in order for me to best help you get your ex boyfriend back you need to see the entire picture and that is what I am doing here with this guide, helping you see the parts of the picture you are missing.

(Side Note: If you want a full accounting of the “big picture” that you are missing the best place for you to start is with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO my massive book detailing all of my best theories on how to improve your chances with your ex.)

Your Failure Of The No Contact Rule

Every single day I carve out an hour or two to answer comments and questions from the readers of this site.

At times I feel like a robot constantly repeating myself…

“Have you done NC?”

“Are you currently in NC?”

Some women will tell me that they tried the NC rule but failed after only 4 days. Others make it deep into “uncharted territory,” 10 days, before they fail.

I get it.

The no contact rule can be an extremely hard thing to complete. After all, I am asking you to essentially cut your ex boyfriend off for a full month. To be more specific, you can’t talk, text or respond to any type of communication from him.

(If you would like a full explanation of the No Contact Rule please visit this page or simply watch the video below,)

It’s funny to me that so many women fail at something SO CRUCIAL to get their ex boyfriends back.

I mean, if I told you that you would get a 100% success recovery rate if all you had to do was make it through 30 days without contacting your ex there would still be some women who would fail at not contacting their ex.

I liken it to a little kid being told “you cannot have that cookie.” The little kid knows that it is wrong to take a cookie from the jar but decides to do it anyways. Are you seeing the analogy yet?

You= the little kid.

Your ex= the cookie.

Now, lets take a look at WHY you keep reaching your hand in the cookie jar.

Whenever I write one of these guides I tend to do a lot of outlining and research. However, when I asked myself a simple question “why is it that so many women keep breaking NC?” I didn’t have to look very far for the ansewr. In fact, if you are a constant reader of this site then you won’t have to look very far either. A simple viewing of the comments should give you a pretty clear picture.

Oh, I broke NC because I didn’t want him to think less of me…

I didn’t know what he was thinking and it was driving me nuts…

I am afraid he will lose interest in me…

What if he runs off with some other girl…

With all of the concerns listed above what is the one constant?

While I admit there are many constants in the concerns above the correct answer I am looking for lies in a simple truth. Any woman who implements a no contact rule is uncertain about what is going on in her exes mind.

Therein lies the foundation on which this guide was built, helping you to better understand what goes on in your exes mind so YOU can succeed with the no contact rule!

Understanding Men During NC

It doesn’t take a genius to tell that men and women are very different creatures.

Men, much more physical, tend to lack when it comes to social situations.

Women, much more social, tend to lack when it comes to physical situations.

This is an interesting view to take when you look at our species as a whole. It explains why men need women and women need men. However, it also explains why we get our wires crossed so often.

I am a man. I understand how they think. I understand why most of my peers do the things they do. This puts YOU in a very unique position because I am spreading all of our dirty little secrets. Every single one I want to give you access to so you can better understand us.

To be more specific, I am going to be talking about how a man can possibly react (and what he will think) when a woman implements a no contact rule on him.

The first thing I need to teach you has to do with the differences in men.

Men Are Different From Women

george carlin men vs women

Above I established that men and women are different creatures. Well, I would like to take that a step further and say that not all men are the same. For example, what I find attractive in a woman another man may not.

One of my best friends springs to mind here. As two young single guys we often talk about one topic, women. I remember a few months ago my friend went on this rant about how he likes a particular “type” of woman. After his rant I chimed in and explained the type of woman I liked. In the end, we agreed to disagree but I think this little anecdote proves an interesting point.

What may be true for a lot of men may not be true for your man.

This is an important concept to understand because what I am about to explain next only exisits because of the “men are different from men” phenomenon.

When it comes to the no contact rule I have found that there are 7 main reactions and thoughts that men will have. Each reaction is different from the other in its own unique way. Now, I will eventually get around to explaining the “reactions” to you but first I need to teach you something else.

Whatever Reaction You Get Depends On Your Relationship

relationship meme

Above I established that each man is different in his own unique way. That concept will certainly have a “tie in” to the 7 different reactions I talk about later in this guide but if I am being completely truthful with you then I would say that what I am about to explain here is the single biggest factor into HOW your ex is going to react during the no contact rule.

I want you to think back to your old relationship.

Now, obviously your old relationship failed for some reason. Right now that doesn’t matter. Right now we are going to be looking at something far more valuable. Something I like to call the aftertaste effect!

What Is The Aftertaste Effect?

When I began writing Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I had a list that I put together designed to detail all of the best strategies that I found that worked to get an ex back so that I could put it in the book.

The aftertaste effect was one of those strategies.

Do you have a favorite candy?

I know I certainly do.

Whenever you eat a candy you are left with a certain aftertaste. It is that aftertaste that compels you to come back and keep eating that candy. For me the candy that has the best aftertaste is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. For some reason every time I eat one I end up eating two or three more.

Of course, candy is not good for you. Everyone knows that at a basic level and yet it is the aftertaste that compels us all to keep eating them.

Now, I want to ask you a question.

What kind of emotional “aftertaste” do you think your ex boyfriend was left with after the two of you broke up?

One thing I can tell you for sure is that YOU were left with a good aftertaste. I mean, here you are reading this far down the page because you are hungry for another relationship with your ex. (I will stop with the puns.) But I really want you to think hard and try to put yourself in your exes shoes. What kind of taste do you think he was left with?

Good or bad, whatever his aftertaste is will cause him to react a certain way to the no contact rule.

The 7 Reactions From Men During No Contact

Through a lot of trial and error I’ve learned that there are typically seven reactions that men will have during a no contact rule.

How did I come by this data you wonder?

Two ways actually!

The first is relatively simple, I coach A LOT of people one on one.

The second is actually through our private Facebook Group that we have for women going through breakups. Right now the only way to gain access to this private resource is by first reading Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. We find that if we just let anyone in the results aren’t great. However, if I require them to read PRO first then they tend to do a lot better in the group.

But I am getting way off topic.

In this section I am going to outline each of the ways and give an in-depth explanation for what is going on in his head during the reaction. Now, while you are reading about each reaction I want you to keep in mind that I will be referencing the aftertaste effect a lot. So, make sure you have a grasp of it before you read on.

Lets stop talking and start listing.

  • Reaction 1- The Frantic Caller
  • Reaction 2- The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer
  • Reaction 3- The Stubborn Guy
  • Reaction 4- The Clueless Guy
  • Reaction 5- The Scared Guy
  • Reaction 6- The Mid Caller
  • Reaction 7- The Angry Guy

Confused? Don’t worry, as always I will explain.

Here’s how this is going to work. You and I are going to play roles in each of these seven reactions.

You are going to play my ex girlfriend (who is using a 30 day no contact rule on me.) Of course, I am going to be playing your ex boyfriend and plan to give you insight on each of my reactions. Lets get started!

1. The Frantic Caller

 

This is an amusing reaction from a man. I remember when I first created this site I really thought that women who implemented the no contact rule would see this particular reaction from men but the truth is that not as many men have this reaction as I thought.

What is a “frantic caller?”

Frantic Caller- A man who will call “frantically” a few days after NC has started. He will eventually get the hint and stop calling. However, deep in his mind he will always want to hear from you.

So, here is how this situation would work if you and I were the “actors.”

You would use the no contact rule on me. Of course, I wouldn’t realize it until I sent you a few text messages that you don’t respond to. Now, lets hit the pause button and talk about this. Personally, the more I care about someone the more I care about getting a response to a text message.

For example, if I am texting a friend I really don’t mind if my message is not responded to immediately (or at all.) However, on the flip side if I am texting a girl that I have a major crush on or an ex girlfriend (like you 😉 .) I am going to care about getting a response. So, when I send you a text message and you don’t respond to it I am going to start to get agitated.

This agitation is going to lead to me sending more messages down the road or possibly calling you out on why you are not responding to me with a message like this:

“Oh, so you are just ignoring me now?”

At this point you are going to be tempted to respond to me. In a way, I am testing you to see if you will engage with me. This is a classic “guilt trip.”

Of course, every time I send a message that you don’t respond to I am leaving myself vulnerable. This ties directly into the push/pull method that I described in this guide. Basically, the more you ignore me the more likely I am to show you attention. However, the more you send attention my way the less likely I am to give you that attention back.

Usually, after a certain amount of texts are un-responded to I will start calling you frantically. Of course, since you are in a strict NC rule you will be ignoring all of my calls. While it may take a while I will finally get the hint and stop calling which will lead me to ignore you completely.

This is where I want to hit the pause button again.

It’s this ignoring period (that I am doing to you) that I really want to discuss. What is going on in my head during this time?

Firstly, lets look at the facts. I was basically a text gnat to you after I didn’t get my way (once you started ignoring me.) When I advise people I always tell them to try to look beyond the “words” that their ex says to them and look at the actions that their ex does. My actions here, once NC was done by you was to spam you with text messages and phone calls. That fact alone means that I still have interest in you, that I still care about you.

Now, once I start ignoring you it isn’t because all of a sudden I “hate” you, it’s because I finally got the hint that you don’t want to talk to me. Most women who visit this site get very scared during the “ignoring” period by their ex. They think he will “move on” or that he will “find someone else.”

In my experience that doesn’t happen at all. I may try to convince myself that I “don’t like you anymore.” Heck, I may even mouth off to a few of my friends that I don’t want to be with you anymore but deep down that isn’t true. Deep down I am just insecure about being alone and I want to hear from you badly.

I have actually experienced this phenomenon myself before. I like to call this the fake reality phenomenon.

The Fake Reality Phenomenon

During my first breakup ever I experienced something very strange.

I am the type of guy that can sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve. It can be my biggest advantage but also my biggest downfall.

During my first breakup it was definitely my biggest downfall. This particular breakup stands out in my mind because of how nasty it was. It wasn’t nasty from her end it was nasty from my end and I think it all came down to the insecurity I felt from being alone.

Anyways, I did the “ignoring dance” for a long time with her. In fact, I remember the very first day of the breakup I convinced myself that life was better and for a while it was. I had this feeling of being free but eventually the breakup caught up with me and I had to create this fake reality for myself where I did my best to put on this facade that I was great when deep down all I wanted was to talk to my ex.

This is essentially what the fake reality phenomenon is. It’s this weird reality that an ex will create for himself during the no contact rule to tell himself that life is better without you but deep down all he really wants is to talk to you.

2. The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer

This reaction is very similar to the one above. Before I really dive in here let me give you a brief explanation of what this actually is.

Frantic Caller Turned Ignorer- A man who will frantically call after NC but will get so angry that you are ignoring him that he won’t call you again.

A perfect example of this is one of my clients who actually did get her ex back and was kind enough to come onto my podcast and do a podcast episode detailing her experience with no contact starting at 4:35,


This can be a pretty depressing reaction to get. Here is how this will break down if you and I were the “actors” in this play ;).

Just like before, you are going to implement the no contact rule on me and just like before I am going to become a text gnat by sending you a lot of different text messages and phone calls. Here is where the main difference will come into play, instead of me ignoring you (but wanting to hear from you) I am going to be ignoring you out of anger.

Let me dive a little deeper into the male thinking here.

Above I talked about how the more I care about a person emotionally the more I care about a text message response. This is an important nugget of knowledge to grasp for this reaction because it really goes down to the core of why an ex may potentially ignore you out of spite.

Look, no one likes to be flat out ignored. That fact alone is why the no contact rule is such an effective method. However, there will always be a certain portion of men that REALLY don’t like being ignored. These are the types of men that will take you ignoring them very personally. So personally in fact, that they will ignore you out of anger and spite just to “get back at you.”

Again though, lets really look at the facts. Anyone who frantically calls you definitely has an interest in you (or at least wants to know what you think.) So, while they may take your ignoring personally you have to wonder if deep down (beyond that anger) they still really want to hear from you.

I am a glass half full kind of guy so I choose to look at it like this: men who take being ignored personally will want to get back at you. However, deep down they just have this really thick “fake reality” wall built up to protect themselves from being hurt.

Remember when I was telling you that story about my very first breakup being really bad?

Well, the “frantic caller turned into ignorer” was the exact reaction that I had to the breakup. You see, my ex didn’t do a no contact rule on me but for a week we didn’t talk and I was definitely a text gnat and call gnat. Of course, after she ignored me I ignored her out of spite and created that “fake reality” to convince myself that everything was ok.

“Psssttt… want to hear a secret?”

Deep down I wanted to talk to her so bad but I was too stubborn to do so.

Speaking of stubborn!

3. The Stubborn Guy

“He is just so darn stubborn… I can’t get him to do anything I want.”

I can’t tell you how often I hear women say this to me when they talk about their ex. Unfortunately, it is a common problem. But how does that problem manifest itself in no contact? Firstly, I would like to explain exactly what the “stubborn guy” is.

The Stubborn Guy- This is a reaction that a certain man will have during the no contact period. Typically, they have the “she will have to call me first attitude.” In other words, they are too stubborn to even want to reach out during the no contact rule.

I have a feeling that a lot of women are going to be interested in this.

It is your greatest fear after all, having an ex NOT contact you at all during a no contact period. I want to explore this so you can truly understand what your ex is thinking. First though, lets get our two favorite actors to act this scenario out ;).

As always, you are going to initiate the no contact rule. However, this time I am not going to contact you. In other words, what we have here is a no contact rule stand off. Obviously, this is not what you want to have happen but the fact of the matter is that some men will react this way to the no contact rule. There are a complex range of emotions that go on here so I am going to be dividing this overall category into multiple sections. First, I would like to start with one of our favorite terms, the aftertaste effect.

The Aftertaste Effect

What is stubbornness? Perhaps more to the point, what is the definition of a stubborn person?

Stubborn Person- Someone who refuses to change their mind about something.

Why am I going into this? Well, I want to make it clear that just because someone is a stubborn person that doesn’t mean that it is impossible to change their mind. It just means you have to know how to deal with them. Lets turn our attention back to the aftertaste effect.

An ex who has the “stubborn guy” reaction to the no contact rule will have it because of the aftertaste they have of your previous relationship. For example, if I thought back to our (you and I’s) fake relationship and only thought bad things about it I would most likely have this mindset:

“I never want to talk to her again.”

Me having that thought about you is probably your greatest fear when it comes to getting me back. Of course, the thing YOU have to remember is that it is possible to change my mind. This is where your discipline comes in with the no contact rule.

The “Victim” Attitude

I would say that I can be a stubborn person when it comes to breakups. How do I know this? Well, because I lived it!

I think stubborn men as a whole adopt two specific mindsets when they are put in the no contact rule. I want to use this section to describe the first mindset.

There is a certain allure to being the victim. I mean, think about it. You get sympathy from everyone if you are a victim. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. When I read the comments and inquiries I get from readers every day I feel bad for some of the women I communicate with. ME feeling bad for you usually means that I am on your side!

How does this apply to stubborn men you ask?

Stubborn men during no contact want to be adored by their exes. If it was up to them they would have you calling them 20 times a day while they ignore you so they can show you “who’s boss.” Only you aren’t going to do that. You are a strong, independent and disciplined woman who isn’t going to break NC.

This is really NOT what they want. The fact that YOU aren’t begging them like you should be is going to agitate them and make them feel like the victim…

Yes, you read that right THEY are going to feel like the victim even though in the grand scheme of things they aren’t one. It is a really warped way of looking at things, I’ll admit, but you wanted to know about mens minds right?

The “She Has To Call Me First” Attitude

This is an attitude that I have personal experience with.

I remember during a breakup that I was so stubborn that I actually told myself “she has to call me first if she wants to talk to me.” You see, I, like most men, have a very warped way of looking at things. Every time I talk to a woman that I am dating or a woman I am interested in I look at every single interaction as a power struggle. This is especially true when it comes to who texts who first and who calls who first.

(I know, it’s really messed up isn’t it? I think it is just a guy thing.)

Anyways, having an ex call you first, if you are a stubborn guy, is like winning a game. If she calls you first you think to yourself “yup, I have her eating out of the palm of my hand.” Of course, if she doesn’t call you first then you begin to think that you are a “victim.”

In the end it all ties together.

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back Again With Our Step By Step Guide To Getting Your Ex Back

Learn More

4. The Clueless Guy

Ah.. the clueless guy! Just a word of warning this section is going to be a bit shorter than the rest of the “reactions” during the no contact rule. That is because the clueless guy reaction is rare. So, what is a clueless guy reaction?

The Clueless Guy- A legitimate reaction where your ex is entirely clueless throughout the no contact rule. Men like this tend to be socially awkward or don’t really sense that anything is wrong.

I understand that you may be a little confused at how this reaction will play out in real life. So, as always, lets let our two professional actors act this situation out ;).

You are going to start the no contact rule on me. Of course, I am clueless about the whole situation so I may contact you or I may not. It will depend on a number of factors. If I don’t it’s not because I am trying to “put you in your place” it’s just that I am clueless about the whole situation.

Part of the reason the no contact rule works so well is the fact that the party it is being done to will sense that something is wrong. This feeling that they get will create a range of emotions and eventually (sometimes subconsciously) show them how much their ex significant other really means to them.

So, this begs the question:

Will the no contact rule even work on someone who has a “clueless” reaction? Before we can answer that we need to study the psychology behind someone with a clueless reaction.

The Psychology Behind A “Clueless” Reaction

One thing I’ve learned over my years as a coach is that men who tend to be clueless are ones that don’t have a lot of experience in relationships.

You see, one thing I have learned about women throughout my life is they tend to drop these little hints when you talk to them. These hints are a way of testing you to see where you stand on a certain issue. How you react to the hint will dictate how they approach the situation in the future.

A clueless guy is the type of guy who will not pick up any hints at all. He is too clueless or wrapped up in his own world to.

For example, during the NC period a clueless guy will not sense that anything is wrong at all. Here is where things get interesting though. He may actually contact you during the no contact period (but at the same time he may NOT contact you.)

So, there are aspects of being frantic and stubborn in there but as a whole he will not get any of the hints you drop. He will just assume everything is ok. Again, I would like to reiterate that this type of guy is very rare. I would say that there is a 95% chance that your ex boyfriend is NOT going to have this reaction.

Will The No Contact Still Work?

A few sections ago I asked a simple question. Will the no contact rule work on someone who is “clueless” about it?

The answer is YES it still can work but not in the way you think.

The biggest misconception is that the no contact rule is only for your ex boyfriend. In fact, I would say that, that is only half the battle. The half that everyone seems to forget about is the effect that NC has on YOU.

Hmm… how can I best explain this?

Ok, getting an ex boyfriend back requires an interesting balance. You have to be hyper aware of your emotions. You need to know when you have to be logical and you need to know when you have to be emotional. If you can find the perfect combination between the two (remaining logical while using your emotions to tap into your exes emotions) you have a really good chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

Here is the problem though, without the no contact rule you really don’t have any chance to acquire the logical mindset you need. Post-breakup is when you are at your emotional peak and while emotions can be good sometimes in this case you are probably too emotional to talk to your ex. That is why the no contact rule is such a beautiful thing.

If you can get through NC it shows that you have the discipline to remain logical!

5. The Scared Guy

Have you ever wondered if your ex is too scared to talk to you? In this section we are going to be covering the range of emotions that will be going through an exes head who feels too scared to even make a move. First though, I would like to define “the scared guy.”

The Scared Guy- This is a reaction that is the exact opposite of someone who frantically calls or texts. It’s a reaction that a guy will have when he is too scared to make a move during NC. He isn’t ignoring you out of stubbornness. He is ignoring you out of fear.

Lets not beat around the bush here, women are scary.

I am not afraid to admit it either.. I AM AFRAID OF WOMEN.

Still, to this day, I get the shakes when I am talking to a beautiful woman. It’s not because I am afraid of her. I am more afraid of what she is thinking about me. Here is the ironic part about the whole thing. I bet that the girl that I am talking to is getting the shakes because she is afraid of what I think about her.

The point I am trying to make here is don’t think that just because your ex isn’t contacting you it means he is stubborn. It may be entirely possible that he is too scared to reach out for fear of messing up. You tend to see this a lot with an ex boyfriend who YOU broke up with. So, let me break the “scared guy” reaction down for you.

If YOU broke up with me and implemented a no contact rule then I would definitely be afraid to contact you because of the fear of rejection. This begs an interesting question:

If you know for a fact that your ex boyfriend is afraid to contact you then shouldn’t you just break the NC and reach out to him first?

No… A BIG NO!

Here is what could happen in the mind of an ex boyfriend throughout the entire process:

If you contact him first during no contact he is probably going to revert to the stubborn mindset of “oh ya! I got her to reach out to me first after SHE broke up with me.” After this happens you are basically at his mercy.

Are you starting to understand no contact now? Dealing with exes during it is almost like a game. The game is all about power and usually the person with the power is in the best position.

6. The Mid Caller

This is a reaction from exes that I see a lot when I communicate with women on this site. I really want to do a good job explaining this so I am just going to cut right to the chase.

The Mid Caller- A common reaction that you will get during the NC rule. Instead of frantically calling at the beginning of the no contact rule an ex who has this reaction will call just a few times during the middle of the no contact rule.

As always, we are going to let our two favorite actors act out this scene for us so we have a better grasp of how this is all going to go down.

You are going to start the scene by implementing the no contact rule on me. I am going to enter into a NC rule duel with you. However, midway through the duel I am going to lose my nerve and reach out to you. Lets hit the pause button and explore this for a minute.

In my mind there are two possible explanations for why an ex boyfriend will call you a few days in (5-8 days) or midway through a no contact rule (14-18 days.)

Explanation #1- He Is Totally Clueless

This explanation ties directly in to what I talked about before with the “clueless guy.” It’s pretty simple really. Your ex is clueless about the whole situation and has no idea that you are doing a no contact rule on him. As a result, he will reach out in the middle of the no contact period.

Of course, when you ignore the text he sends he is going to figure out really quickly that something is up. Once he figures this out just sit back and watch the craziness ensue!

Explanation #2- He Loses The NC Rule Duel

This is much more likely to happen.

Chances are, if you are doing the no contact rule immediately after a breakup your ex boyfriend is going to be thinking about you a lot. He may have a little bit of stubbornness in him in that he won’t want to be the first one to contact you. As a result of that stubbornness he will engage with you in a no contact duel.

Of course, somewhere down the road his curiosity of what you are up to and how you are doing is going to take over and he will just throw caution to the wind by essentially losing the “duel.”

If he does lose this duel it can tell you a few important things. Firstly, he is thinking about you a lot which we can assume means that he still has some deep emotional feelings for you. Secondly, he cares about what you think and finally, YOU have power over him!

The Angry Guy

Lets face the facts here. Getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t meant to be easy. If it was, well, then this site wouldn’t need to exist. This final reaction is what I like to call the “angry guy” reaction. Lets take a moment and define it.

The Angry Guy- The type of reaction you can get when your ex wants nothing to do with you (and means it..) Therefore, during NC he would not reach out to contact you.

The angry guy reaction is really the reaction that is going to tie into the aftertaste effect the most out of any reaction listed throughout this guide. Lets say that during our fake relationship you were not exactly a good girlfriend. You cheated on me or did something that really upset me. If I broke up with you under those pretenses then the chances are high that I left the relationship with a really bad taste in my mouth. If that was the case, then I probably will not want to contact you during the no contact period.

Except there is something different about the angry guy reaction as opposed to the stubborn guy reaction.

You see, with the stubborn guy reaction I won’t contact you during NC but deep down I will still want to hear from you. The angry guy reaction is a step above that. It is when an ex boyfriend is so angry that he wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t even want to see or hear from.

As I already stated, a lot of the angry guy reaction is going to tie into YOUR choices during your previous relationship (a la the aftertaste effect.) Of course, there are some guys that are just plain jerks that don’t know how to handle a breakup and will exhibit this reaction.

Typically, the tell tale sign of an angry guy reaction is when your ex says some very hurtful things to your face repeatedly. The keyword in that sentence is “repeatedly.” You see, you can almost expect an ex to say mean things to you after a breakup but if he keeps saying them to you over and over again post no contact (and it becomes vicious and cruel) you may have brought out the “angry guy” from within.

So, I suppose the real question here is, is it possible to get someone back if they exhibit this reaction?

Can You Get An “Angry Guy” Back?

It’s possible. In fact, one of my best friends did it.

However, it is not easy.

It is going to take a lot of patience on your part and even then there are no guarantees. In the end, what it all boils down to is if you think your ex is worth it. Really take a good hard look at your previous relationship and ask yourself a simple question:

“do I want to do this again?”

4,092 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    Bianca

    March 30, 2020 at 7:08 am

    Hello, my ex and I recently broke up after being together for so long. I am away for school so I assume that is the issue. He told me how much he loved me and then one day, he started ghosting me. He proceeded to ask for space and said we should be friends until I return home. He continued to ignore me. I tried to respect his decision to have space but I am really attached to him so I gave in and constantly called and texted him until he blocked me. We had a great relationship with minimal arguments and no cheating. I started NC but did my gnatting ruin my chances and should i initiate contact after NC?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 30, 2020 at 11:17 am

      Hi Bianca, so yes you would reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his videos and articles to get your ex talking to you again after your NC period. Make sure you are focusing on yourself during your NC and working on your Holy Trinity.

  2. Avatar

    Sophie

    March 29, 2020 at 1:09 am

    My boyfriend of around 6 months broke up with me as he said he did not love me anymore . However he then did not know if he just wanted a break or to end the relationship for good . This was around a week ago and we have had some (but not much) contact since . Also one day after the breakup , his friend started flirting with me and he got very annoyed . Only today we established that we are on a break until he makes his decision of if he is ready to be in a relationship (this is his first serious relationship) . We agreed that we would not pursue anyone else but that we would have minimal contact . He said he thinks he needs a few days more to think , and he shall see if he needs more . I have not contacted him since this conversation . Should I not contact him until he makes his decision ? What if he gets accustomed to not having contact with me ? What if he wants to end the relationship for good ? I’m so scared

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 31, 2020 at 1:50 am

      Hey Sophie, giving him space and following the information for a limited no contact is best for now and if he ends things then you start a full no contact from there. Make sure you show on social media that you are doing well and keeping yourself positive during this pandemic and making him see you are not crying waiting to hear from him

  3. Avatar

    Bobo

    March 23, 2020 at 12:28 pm

    Hey any tips on getting “the angry ex” back we just broke up and I understand that the #1 step is to start No contact

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 10:29 pm

      Hi Bobo, so before you get an ex back who is angry at you, you need to allow them time to stop being angry. This is where we do No Contact, but if you really hurt or upset them you may have to do the 45 day NC. If you cheated then make sure you are not attempting to make them jealous or hint that you are around other people

  4. Avatar

    Ally

    March 22, 2020 at 11:39 pm

    Hi I have been with my partner for 9 yrs. I found out he kissed a co worker twice, he didn’t come clean I found out as a result of his distant behaviour In Jan. I asked him to have no contact with her via text or WhatsApp. I caught him messaging her on Twitter two days ago. We haven’t spilt up (yet) but it’s possible, he said he doesn’t know what he wants. I asked are we over he said he doesn’t know what he wants. He has gone to stay with his mum he said he needs space. Where do I stand with NC? There has been minimal contact as he recently had an operation.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Ally, so you need to follow a limited no contact where you do not reach out to him or chase him. He may have a grass is greener syndrome right now so make sure that you show you are not going to hound him chase him or even force him to speak to you. The fact that he cheated on you – dont beg him to be with you! Let him walk away and then work the ERP process if you want him back

  5. Avatar

    Cam

    March 22, 2020 at 12:46 pm

    Hi,
    I wonder if you can help,
    I was with a guy for 6 months, debatable whether he was a narcissist but I love him. I ended it 3 weeks ago to which he begged and pleaded, after I failed to relent he blocked me. A few days later I decided I made a mistake hut he says he had moved on followed by sending me a lot of angry texts blaming me. I stopped replying. He messaged me the next day asking an inane question. Fast forward a week, no contact but I told him I missed him. We spoke abit but he wouldn’t send more than a one word answer. I left it. Then he out of nowhere sent me an essay last wednesday saying how he’s been busy and hadn’t met anyone but jas moved on and needs to focus etc. I replied telling him I loved him etc has want him to be happy. The conversation ended after as usual he ignored what I said to talk about himself. Then nothing. However yesterday he messaged asking ‘ what’s up’. I have ignored it. What do I do? I want him back, flawed or not

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Cam start by following the No Cotnact rule for 30 days minimum 45 if needs be to get yourself over the break up. Work the Holy Trinity during that time and then reach out to him with a text that Chris suggests

  6. Avatar

    Sarah M

    March 17, 2020 at 8:59 pm

    Hi,

    I’ve been dating a guy for about 8 months and we fell in love quickly and things were moving way too quickly. We have been fighting a lot for the last few months due to his lack of boundaries and him being in contact with his exes. After he found out some bad information about school, and the rest of his life started to go down the drain, he started becoming more emotionally distant and pulling away from me. He told me that he wanted to take a break and not break up and that he still wants me in his life and that he sees a future with me but that it scares him and that he thinks I could be the one, but he needs to focus on himself and sorting his life out so he can be happy internally. We decided to take a break and it’s been over 2 weeks with NC, the break ends quite soon. What do you suggest I do? And is there hope for our relationship? I love him and think he could be the one.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 12:05 am

      Hi Sarah you need to stick to a NO Contact and be social with your friends, while he want to work on himself you work on yourself so that when he speaks to you in 30 days he is going to realise what hes lost

  7. Avatar

    In Pain

    March 17, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    Hello,
    I am trying to implement the NC rule but I don’t think I did it right. He broke up with me March 1 and reached out to me everyday to return our things to each other for four days. Finally I told him I wasn’t ready to see him again to return our things and that I would reach out to him when I was. Since then its been two weeks. Is this officially implementing the rule or am I just cheating since the only reason he wants to talk to me is to return stuff to each other? He hasn’t reached out, nor do I think he will until I message him and even if he does message me I think it’d only be to get his stuff back. Is this part of the plan or am I doing it all wrong?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 3:14 am

      Hey there so if you could get your things back and then go into the rest of your NC without a reason for him to wait to hear from you would be best. As hard as collecting your things may be. It would be best to give your ex the impression you are doing better without him around

  8. Avatar

    Harley

    March 15, 2020 at 4:05 am

    I’m just not really sure where my ex falls. We are coworkers so it makes it even more complicated. We talked during the breakup and he said the breakup wasnt my fault and that we didnt need to cut off all contact. I told him I had to for my sake in order to get over him. A couple of days later, I contacted him because I wanted to talk about the things he said during the breakup but he refused to talk about that, he said he never wanted to talk to me about that stuff again.

    After that I havent contacted him since the 5th, we broke up 2/29.. we are in the same friend group so it hard to avoid him aswell. But I havent seen him that much other than a few times at work and I havent spoken to him directly since the 5th. I sometimes look at his snapchat stories but I try not to. Not sure if that is NC or not. I also post a lot on my snapchat that he looks at sometimes but his bff always sees.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 3:05 am

      Hi Harley, so you need to do a Limited no contact where you speak when you have to but the rest of the time you avoid spending time with him or being around him. Avoid watching any stories if you can at all times. At least until your NC is over

  9. Avatar

    Katrina

    March 14, 2020 at 2:33 pm

    Both in our 50’s, been married and divorced each. He broke it off around 8 months ago because of an illness he has but i dont believe that was the reason. I tried to reconnect but he wouldn’t. In that time i had a major heart op. Couldnt cope with it all on op day and sent him a message (so did my friend). When i came round from ICU, he had messaged to say he had made the biggest mistake. He turned up at the hospital and we started relationship again. When i have a problem i dont talk about it, but go silent or moody with the person. Within last 4 months this has happened a few times with us. At christmas things were great, even at Valentines he sent me flowers. Booked a holiday at beginning of the year for this summer. Things started going downhill about 4 weeks ago. He admitted to talking with an old friend on social media who was having a hard time, and he may have feelings for her. Said he didnt love me or have feelings for me anymore. I poked him and pushed him wanting him to talk to me more but he wouldnt and he left the house (we didnt live together). He now says i attacked him, but i didnt. I was provoked because he wouldnt talk to me. I messaged him after it happened but he didnt reply. I called at his house but he wouldnt let me in. Its now been 12 days since and he hasnt reached out to me. He hasnt blocked or deleted me on Whatsapp which we used. Im so lost. I have no friends at all. I dont work due to some medical problems. I live with my daughter and her family as i cant cope being on my own. I need someone in my life to love and need me. To be part of a team. Its not so much doing N\C as to why ive not messaged him, but because im scared of the message i may or may not receive back after the last time. I have no motivation to get out of bed each day, and fear what the future has in store for me given my health problems and age. What should i do to try and connect with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2020 at 12:00 am

      Hi Katrina, giving that you have completed a 30 day minimum No Contact, and then reach out with a text that you know he is going to want to reply to. Something about his interests. Something that is goign to allow you both to have a short but positive first conversation. And then build up those conversations from there

  10. Avatar

    Kai

    March 12, 2020 at 1:26 pm

    I dated this guy for three months and I recently found out that I’m pregnant now. I informed the guy and basically he said he has too much going on with his current daughter mental health. Which I’m fully aware of he has completely included me in their lives but now that I said I’m pregnant and do not want an abortion he’s angry at me and has not contacted me for a week should I move on or contact him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 1:48 pm

      Hi Kai, think of things this way it takes two to make a baby so he didn’t take precautions to make sure that he didn’t get you pregnant. IF you choose to have this baby then you need to accept that you may be doing it alone if he is not willing to be involved. That is something you have to accept from the start and not hold that against him in the future. You have 9 months of him getting used to the idea of having this baby so make sure you remain as calm as you can during pregnancy and focus on yourself

  11. Avatar

    Agape

    March 12, 2020 at 9:26 am

    Hi.I met my boyfriend last year July,he pursued me till I gave in on November.we have been doing fine until January when he called in the morning and I couldn’t answer his call coz I was asleep n when I woke up n called back he started accusing me of sleeping with another guy.I felt hurt n I wanted yo convince him that wasn’t the case.he broke up with me but I didn’t accept the breakup.I would send him messages explaining how I would never cheat on him n how I loved him.we kept silent for three days n I thought the relationship was over,he contacted me the fourth day n we reconciled.recently two weeks ago,I posted a picture on my WhatsApp status, i took that picture in a certain company which my ex worked at,he texted me saying that I was looking after my ex and he wishes us the best..again I felt disrespected n mistrusted.I tried questioning him why he keeps accusing me of cheating on him while I’ve never done that.we broke up n kept mum for 5days.he sent me a picture of him being awarded in their industry.I was so excited he had finally contacted me.I just replied ‘congrats u deserve it!’ Later on during that same day,he sent me pictures of him at a hiking ground around the area I live,I felt offended coz he lives far from me like 3hours drive from where I stay n he came to hike some place near me n didn’t feel the urge to contact me.I was so hurt .he sent a message that he misses the memories we shared but he’s still going strong.I felt he had already moved on and didn’t mind about my feelings.I told him that I don’t want to hear from him n I blocked him.he has never contacted me since then.it’s now 4 days since then. Will he come back?and if he does, how do I deal with him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2020 at 12:40 am

      Hi Agape, if you want to get back with your ex then I would first assess the relationship and the red flags that you have mentioned above. The fact that you did not answer his call and he automatically assumes you were cheating on his is worrisome. Have you given him a reason to not trust you? Is he going to be willing to work on his insecurities to make a relationship like this work? When you are long distance trust is very important. If you want him back follow the process if you do not want him back then stick with indefinite no contact

  12. Avatar

    Gwen

    March 9, 2020 at 10:29 pm

    So I would say my ex falls in the angry category. Long story short: did/ said some things I shouldn’t have, I apologized, he said he ‘accepted’ but wanted things to end. It happened over the phone and before he initially said he wanted to break up I asked if I could swing by and talk in person but he said that would be “too hard”.
    It’s been a month now since I’ve spoken to him, he unfriended me and hasn’t reached out at all.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 10, 2020 at 10:17 pm

      Hi Gwen if you have completed a 30 day NO contact then you can reach out with a text that Chris suggests to see what sort of response you get and we can work from there

  13. Avatar

    Coco

    March 5, 2020 at 12:43 pm

    My ex-boyfriend broke up with me last mid-February, a week after he asked for space. We’ve been LDR for 2 months and together physically for 3 weeks. I thought we were last forever, everything seems surreal and perfect but our problems started when he invited me to spend Chinese New Year at their home ’cause he wanted me to meet his parents and propose. His parents are nitpicky and complained a lot about me. I got so needy and I overthink a lot. He said that the reasons why he broke up with me are because of cultural differences, and that I am immature and teenager-like (cause I cant control my emotions). Im not really an emotional person but I was too emotional when I was staying for CNY. Because of this, my vacation at their house was cut short and I had to go back to my country a day before CNY. A lot has happened in the span of two weeks and I felt that he isnt the same anymore. My ex before him was trying to sabotage us as well. Eventually he gave up on me. After the break-up, he was sending me mixed signals (Liking my posts; reacting to my stories; sending me photo of him wearing my gift). 2 days after the break up he contacted me and invited me to Bali this April, but right now I’m trying to do the 30-day no contact; I think he knows I’m ignoring him because he is trying to ignore me as well. The whole month of March he’ll be traveling with his guy friend in South US. What do u think I should do? I stopped replying to him last 25 February because he said he is missing me but its just difficult to fix things. I asked him why and maybe we can do something about it, but he just replied hmmm. We’re both Asians but from different countries. When he broke up with me I tried to fix it but he doesn’t want to and so I said I respected his decisions.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 1:50 am

      Hi Coco, so you need to work on becoming Ungettable so that your ex sees how great you are doing and feels like they’ve let someone great go by not trying. And then reach out at the end of your NC with a text trying to re attract him. Read the texting articles so that you can do this correctly

  14. Avatar

    Lisa

    March 2, 2020 at 7:11 pm

    Thanks for the reply!! Ok .. ( I had a previous message dunno where it went ) BUT he did finally tell me to please come over to discuss things Last Sunday . I did. Told me Everything I had ever been dying to hear from him and thought he never would…. he loved me he was sorry and realized he never should’ve pushed me away his friends basically even told him he was an ahole because he told me that he told them I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he knows that he messed things up ( just with not prioritizing me) and asked for another chance and we were going to go out to dinner later that week to discuss what moving forward would look like and some ground rules so I was like yes !!we’re going to do it right this time !!! So. I made sure and got confirmation of why I was there did he really want to move forward and fix things and he assured me that I would not be there at his house right now if that is not what he intended… so. We talked. We played with His dogs. Had some wine. Annnd … I stayed over …But something interesting happened it wasn’t just sex …he woke me up at least twice in the middle of the night just to hold me really tight and tell me how incredibly happy he was again. And then … he went cold again not even 24 hrs later. Distant texts, not asking to see me , no mention of what we planned …I was devastated.When I pressed him he got super frustrated and defensive . I Tried to keep it calm all week long. That was a week ago and we actually had angry words over text this past weekend when I couldn’t take it anymore ( I said you’re friends are right, what kind of game are u playing… and some other not nice things. He just started getting passive aggressive and one-word answering me and that’s when I snapped , etc…)
    Don’t know what to do or what the hell happened he literally did 180° turn I have never seen this from him before..in 7 months . Oh and by the way this entire time his Instagram profile has been private ( I never followed him) and just this past weekend he goes and makes it public like Really?? !? Not that there’s anything wonderful on there that I would ever be upset over it’s just literally a bunch of frat boy pictures. Do i do NC again? I’m so upset , I have a coaching sesh booked.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 10:16 am

      Hi Lisa, its great you have a coaching session booked. You will benefit so much from this but yes you go into a No Contact now!

  15. Avatar

    Being strong

    February 25, 2020 at 10:26 pm

    So I was seeing this guy for about 6 months and he wanted to keep it hush as we worked for the sane company in the same office. Long story short his has this female colleague that he works directly with who likes him. When we started going on dates he would say that she cannot find out and I asked him why and he said she would be so mad. Apparently he rejected her as he is not attracted to her. Anyway fast forward 6 months she found out about use and we had a convo and I asked him why he didn’t tell me. I was acting cold because I just didn’t want to argue and I was stressed, anyway he randomly messaged me saying people at work are asking about me, what’s going on ? (They know me and him were seeing each other) I responded and said like who and said your colleague has just found out and you’re asking me why everyone knows :/ – anyway he has ignored me since it been about 2 months, we bumped into each other but he doesn’t acknowledge me when he is with her, I then bumped into him on his own and he said hey, how are you but this was in passing I didn’t stop and chat. I’m just wondering why he has chosen to ignore my message and why he hasn’t pulled me for a chat, especially as work for the same company and see each other frequently, it’s 2 months and 2 weeks into no contact and I’m starting to think he will never acknowledge what he has done, I also spotted him
    On hinge ( a dating app) he said he would never use, is he affected by it or should I just forget about him ? He was away on a business trip so out of the 2 months and 2 weeks I’ve seen him in office for 4 weeks! I’m just a bit confused by his behaviour :/

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 6, 2020 at 9:36 pm

      Hey there so I would question why he does not want the other woman to know about you, but the fact he has ignored you since work people have found out you have been seeing each other there must be something else going on that he has not told you about. I would work the Ungettable and focus on showing your work colleagues how well you are doing and start casually dating so that the information can work its way back to him and he can know you are not waiting around for him

  16. Avatar

    Lisa

    February 23, 2020 at 1:20 pm

    follow up… I won the duel! He texted last night after 6 days NC ( which was torment btw) ( after being out presumably on Sat night with the ‘boys’) and said
    ‘ Going out of my way to say I’m sorry… again.. Lisa .’ All he has done so far in last few weeks is say sorry but … no real movement like can we talk, can i see you, so (i also have a lot of stuff to get back at his house) i feel better, but I’m back to being in that limbo of , he dropped off.. do i answer him?, …What now? Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 10:24 pm

      So if you have to get your things make sure you go and collect them, look amazing but make sure you do not stay long. Make a comment how you are meeting your friend for lunch/dinner and avoid getting emotional. Let him do the talking

  17. Avatar

    Lisa

    February 22, 2020 at 5:36 pm

    Hi- with my bf for 6 mos and we had some difficulties in part to his sudden realization that he hadnt had enough healing after his divorce. We had been having agonizing conversations this past month, crying, ( both of us) etc I also think he’s depressed. I know he’s being honest that he’s in a bad place but now I’m starting to smell BS bc after he was on a work trip last week he said he would call me this week to talk when he got back. Never happened. I won’t reach out bc I wasn’t about to say ummm hey HELLOO?? It’s been a week we haven’t spoken – I have sooo much stuff at his house still. This was a serious relationship. Families were involved, my teenage daughters, etc we had 2019 holidays together and he was planning future stuff. This is excruciating and even tho it’s been a week of no contact … idk what to do here he was supposed to contact me this past Wednesday. I keep mindf***ing myself that he must be talking to someone else but given the state he’s in I don’t really think so. But…. help ! I’m sooo sooo sad. Like not sleeping and obsessing. But not contacting. Thanks …

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 2, 2020 at 9:49 pm

      Hi Lisa, someone going through a divorce is going through one of the most stressful times of their lives and they also struggle to deal with their emotions on average for 18 months after a marriage breakdown. So work out the timing with your guy and know that no matter what he is doing, if he is or isn’t speaking to others he is not ready for a relationship and he was honest with you about this. You can work on yourself in the mean time with the Ungettable girl information so that when your ex speaks to you again he realises how amazing you are and regrets letting you go

  18. Avatar

    Anne

    February 21, 2020 at 9:57 pm

    Ok. We were only seeing each other for 2 months and I caught him lying to me. I let him know I was aware of the lie and the only response I got was “I’m sorry you feel that way.” I blocked him and haven’t talked to him since. However, I was hurt at work and he helped me out while I was waiting on my settlement money and I still have to pay him back. I should be getting it in a week or two. It’s been a week and I know I blocked him but it’s not hard for him to get in contact with me (he knows where I live) and it’s driving me crazy that he hasn’t tried to talk. We didn’t really end it I just stopped talking bc it was clear he wasn’t gonna take responsibility for what he did and I didn’t want to hear him tell me that my feelings were wrong rather than the fact that he got caught lying. I just don’t understand because right up to the day before everything seemed like it was going great. Do I wait out the whole 30 days or do I reach out when I get my settlement?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 10:04 pm

      I would do the right thing and pay him back when you get the money. However if you want to get him back you need to unblock him and reach out to him after your no contact has finished

  19. Avatar

    Ara

    February 20, 2020 at 10:49 am

    No contact since 13 months… he’s the typical stubborn guy and I have almost lost it so many times over the past year. However, I think that if he doesn’t reach out, it’s not worth it. But my question really is.. is there hope after so long? Can he still reach out? The problem between us is really very multi-layered and complicated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 20, 2020 at 10:36 pm

      Hi Ara, so you are supposed to reach out to your ex after 30 days of No Contact, is there a reason you have not done this? If you want to get your ex back then you need to read the materials on this website and use that as a way to break the ice with your ex

  20. Avatar

    PA

    February 19, 2020 at 9:49 pm

    I broke up with him when all he needed were just space. Alot happened, and I was begging him for 3 nights. He told be that he already talked it over that he doesn’t want to work the relationship out because he didn’t want it to be off and on. I told him I would stop bothering him, and I totally ignore him. The next day, he messaged me “goodmorning” and I ignored him. Later he messaged me if I wanted to go workout with him and I said yeah, but I was in class and he left already. He started talking to me the way how he’s not that interested but just replying. SO I dry messaged him with the “okay” and “yeah. I messaged him today if we were still going to go work out and he kept ignoring me today. He said we will probably go workout later and I said “mhmm sounds good” and he just straight up ignored me. I think its funny. Is this him trying to get back at me? Should I do no contact and keep at 30 days?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 10:05 pm

      Hi Pa so I would say that you take some time apart (without telling him) and using that time to work on yourself so that you can reach out to him in 30 days as a happier person and he is also going to get some time to think about what he wants for himself and a chance to miss you

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