It’s a question I get asked every single day.

“What is he thinking?”

Or if you want me to be more specific:

“Now that I am in no contact can you explain what is going on in his mind?”

I decided to put this guide together to put a rest to these questions once and for all. I am going to be attempting to explain everything I know about how men react to the no contact rule. If you aren’t familiar with my website then let me give you a quick breakdown of what I am all about.

Every single “guide,” I like to use the word guide to explain my posts/articles because it sounds more authoritative, anyways, every single guide I have ever written is very long and in-depth and this particular guide will be no different. Some of the things I talk about may be hard for you to hear but at it’s core it will come from a place of truth.

In the end, I subscribe to the theory that in order for me to best help you get your ex boyfriend back you need to see the entire picture and that is what I am doing here with this guide, helping you see the parts of the picture you are missing.

(Side Note: If you want a full accounting of the “big picture” that you are missing the best place for you to start is with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO my massive book detailing all of my best theories on how to improve your chances with your ex.)

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Your Failure Of The No Contact Rule

Every single day I carve out an hour or two to answer comments and questions from the readers of this site.

At times I feel like a robot constantly repeating myself…

“Have you done NC?”

“Are you currently in NC?”

Some women will tell me that they tried the NC rule but failed after only 4 days. Others make it deep into “uncharted territory,” 10 days, before they fail.

I get it.

The no contact rule can be an extremely hard thing to complete. After all, I am asking you to essentially cut your ex boyfriend off for a full month. To be more specific, you can’t talk, text or respond to any type of communication from him.

(If you would like a full explanation of the No Contact Rule please visit this page or simply watch the video below,)

It’s funny to me that so many women fail at something SO CRUCIAL to get their ex boyfriends back.

I mean, if I told you that you would get a 100% success recovery rate if all you had to do was make it through 30 days without contacting your ex there would still be some women who would fail at not contacting their ex.

I liken it to a little kid being told “you cannot have that cookie.” The little kid knows that it is wrong to take a cookie from the jar but decides to do it anyways. Are you seeing the analogy yet?

You= the little kid.

Your ex= the cookie.

Now, lets take a look at WHY you keep reaching your hand in the cookie jar.

Whenever I write one of these guides I tend to do a lot of outlining and research. However, when I asked myself a simple question “why is it that so many women keep breaking NC?” I didn’t have to look very far for the ansewr. In fact, if you are a constant reader of this site then you won’t have to look very far either. A simple viewing of the comments should give you a pretty clear picture.

Oh, I broke NC because I didn’t want him to think less of me…

I didn’t know what he was thinking and it was driving me nuts…

I am afraid he will lose interest in me…

What if he runs off with some other girl…

With all of the concerns listed above what is the one constant?

While I admit there are many constants in the concerns above the correct answer I am looking for lies in a simple truth. Any woman who implements a no contact rule is uncertain about what is going on in her exes mind.

Therein lies the foundation on which this guide was built, helping you to better understand what goes on in your exes mind so YOU can succeed with the no contact rule!

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Understanding Men During NC

It doesn’t take a genius to tell that men and women are very different creatures.

Men, much more physical, tend to lack when it comes to social situations.

Women, much more social, tend to lack when it comes to physical situations.

This is an interesting view to take when you look at our species as a whole. It explains why men need women and women need men. However, it also explains why we get our wires crossed so often.

I am a man. I understand how they think. I understand why most of my peers do the things they do. This puts YOU in a very unique position because I am spreading all of our dirty little secrets. Every single one I want to give you access to so you can better understand us.

To be more specific, I am going to be talking about how a man can possibly react (and what he will think) when a woman implements a no contact rule on him.

The first thing I need to teach you has to do with the differences in men.

Men Are Different From Women

george carlin men vs women

Above I established that men and women are different creatures. Well, I would like to take that a step further and say that not all men are the same. For example, what I find attractive in a woman another man may not.

One of my best friends springs to mind here. As two young single guys we often talk about one topic, women. I remember a few months ago my friend went on this rant about how he likes a particular “type” of woman. After his rant I chimed in and explained the type of woman I liked. In the end, we agreed to disagree but I think this little anecdote proves an interesting point.

What may be true for a lot of men may not be true for your man.

This is an important concept to understand because what I am about to explain next only exisits because of the “men are different from men” phenomenon.

When it comes to the no contact rule I have found that there are 7 main reactions and thoughts that men will have. Each reaction is different from the other in its own unique way. Now, I will eventually get around to explaining the “reactions” to you but first I need to teach you something else.

Whatever Reaction You Get Depends On Your Relationship

relationship meme

Above I established that each man is different in his own unique way. That concept will certainly have a “tie in” to the 7 different reactions I talk about later in this guide but if I am being completely truthful with you then I would say that what I am about to explain here is the single biggest factor into HOW your ex is going to react during the no contact rule.

I want you to think back to your old relationship.

Now, obviously your old relationship failed for some reason. Right now that doesn’t matter. Right now we are going to be looking at something far more valuable. Something I like to call the aftertaste effect!

What Is The Aftertaste Effect?

When I began writing Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I had a list that I put together designed to detail all of the best strategies that I found that worked to get an ex back so that I could put it in the book.

The aftertaste effect was one of those strategies.

Do you have a favorite candy?

I know I certainly do.

Whenever you eat a candy you are left with a certain aftertaste. It is that aftertaste that compels you to come back and keep eating that candy. For me the candy that has the best aftertaste is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. For some reason every time I eat one I end up eating two or three more.

Of course, candy is not good for you. Everyone knows that at a basic level and yet it is the aftertaste that compels us all to keep eating them.

Now, I want to ask you a question.

What kind of emotional “aftertaste” do you think your ex boyfriend was left with after the two of you broke up?

One thing I can tell you for sure is that YOU were left with a good aftertaste. I mean, here you are reading this far down the page because you are hungry for another relationship with your ex. (I will stop with the puns.) But I really want you to think hard and try to put yourself in your exes shoes. What kind of taste do you think he was left with?

Good or bad, whatever his aftertaste is will cause him to react a certain way to the no contact rule.

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The 7 Reactions From Men During No Contact

Through a lot of trial and error I’ve learned that there are typically seven reactions that men will have during a no contact rule.

How did I come by this data you wonder?

Two ways actually!

The first is relatively simple, I coach A LOT of people one on one.

The second is actually through our private Facebook Group that we have for women going through breakups. Right now the only way to gain access to this private resource is by first reading Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. We find that if we just let anyone in the results aren’t great. However, if I require them to read PRO first then they tend to do a lot better in the group.

But I am getting way off topic.

In this section I am going to outline each of the ways and give an in-depth explanation for what is going on in his head during the reaction. Now, while you are reading about each reaction I want you to keep in mind that I will be referencing the aftertaste effect a lot. So, make sure you have a grasp of it before you read on.

Lets stop talking and start listing.

  • Reaction 1- The Frantic Caller
  • Reaction 2- The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer
  • Reaction 3- The Stubborn Guy
  • Reaction 4- The Clueless Guy
  • Reaction 5- The Scared Guy
  • Reaction 6- The Mid Caller
  • Reaction 7- The Angry Guy

Confused? Don’t worry, as always I will explain.

Here’s how this is going to work. You and I are going to play roles in each of these seven reactions.

You are going to play my ex girlfriend (who is using a 30 day no contact rule on me.) Of course, I am going to be playing your ex boyfriend and plan to give you insight on each of my reactions. Lets get started!

1. The Frantic Caller

 

This is an amusing reaction from a man. I remember when I first created this site I really thought that women who implemented the no contact rule would see this particular reaction from men but the truth is that not as many men have this reaction as I thought.

What is a “frantic caller?”

Frantic Caller- A man who will call “frantically” a few days after NC has started. He will eventually get the hint and stop calling. However, deep in his mind he will always want to hear from you.

So, here is how this situation would work if you and I were the “actors.”

You would use the no contact rule on me. Of course, I wouldn’t realize it until I sent you a few text messages that you don’t respond to. Now, lets hit the pause button and talk about this. Personally, the more I care about someone the more I care about getting a response to a text message.

For example, if I am texting a friend I really don’t mind if my message is not responded to immediately (or at all.) However, on the flip side if I am texting a girl that I have a major crush on or an ex girlfriend (like you 😉 .) I am going to care about getting a response. So, when I send you a text message and you don’t respond to it I am going to start to get agitated.

This agitation is going to lead to me sending more messages down the road or possibly calling you out on why you are not responding to me with a message like this:

“Oh, so you are just ignoring me now?”

At this point you are going to be tempted to respond to me. In a way, I am testing you to see if you will engage with me. This is a classic “guilt trip.”

Of course, every time I send a message that you don’t respond to I am leaving myself vulnerable. This ties directly into the push/pull method that I described in this guide. Basically, the more you ignore me the more likely I am to show you attention. However, the more you send attention my way the less likely I am to give you that attention back.

Usually, after a certain amount of texts are un-responded to I will start calling you frantically. Of course, since you are in a strict NC rule you will be ignoring all of my calls. While it may take a while I will finally get the hint and stop calling which will lead me to ignore you completely.

This is where I want to hit the pause button again.

It’s this ignoring period (that I am doing to you) that I really want to discuss. What is going on in my head during this time?

Firstly, lets look at the facts. I was basically a text gnat to you after I didn’t get my way (once you started ignoring me.) When I advise people I always tell them to try to look beyond the “words” that their ex says to them and look at the actions that their ex does. My actions here, once NC was done by you was to spam you with text messages and phone calls. That fact alone means that I still have interest in you, that I still care about you.

Now, once I start ignoring you it isn’t because all of a sudden I “hate” you, it’s because I finally got the hint that you don’t want to talk to me. Most women who visit this site get very scared during the “ignoring” period by their ex. They think he will “move on” or that he will “find someone else.”

In my experience that doesn’t happen at all. I may try to convince myself that I “don’t like you anymore.” Heck, I may even mouth off to a few of my friends that I don’t want to be with you anymore but deep down that isn’t true. Deep down I am just insecure about being alone and I want to hear from you badly.

I have actually experienced this phenomenon myself before. I like to call this the fake reality phenomenon.

The Fake Reality Phenomenon

During my first breakup ever I experienced something very strange.

I am the type of guy that can sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve. It can be my biggest advantage but also my biggest downfall.

During my first breakup it was definitely my biggest downfall. This particular breakup stands out in my mind because of how nasty it was. It wasn’t nasty from her end it was nasty from my end and I think it all came down to the insecurity I felt from being alone.

Anyways, I did the “ignoring dance” for a long time with her. In fact, I remember the very first day of the breakup I convinced myself that life was better and for a while it was. I had this feeling of being free but eventually the breakup caught up with me and I had to create this fake reality for myself where I did my best to put on this facade that I was great when deep down all I wanted was to talk to my ex.

This is essentially what the fake reality phenomenon is. It’s this weird reality that an ex will create for himself during the no contact rule to tell himself that life is better without you but deep down all he really wants is to talk to you.

2. The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer

This reaction is very similar to the one above. Before I really dive in here let me give you a brief explanation of what this actually is.

Frantic Caller Turned Ignorer- A man who will frantically call after NC but will get so angry that you are ignoring him that he won’t call you again.

A perfect example of this is one of my clients who actually did get her ex back and was kind enough to come onto my podcast and do a podcast episode detailing her experience with no contact starting at 4:35,


This can be a pretty depressing reaction to get. Here is how this will break down if you and I were the “actors” in this play ;).

Just like before, you are going to implement the no contact rule on me and just like before I am going to become a text gnat by sending you a lot of different text messages and phone calls. Here is where the main difference will come into play, instead of me ignoring you (but wanting to hear from you) I am going to be ignoring you out of anger.

Let me dive a little deeper into the male thinking here.

Above I talked about how the more I care about a person emotionally the more I care about a text message response. This is an important nugget of knowledge to grasp for this reaction because it really goes down to the core of why an ex may potentially ignore you out of spite.

Look, no one likes to be flat out ignored. That fact alone is why the no contact rule is such an effective method. However, there will always be a certain portion of men that REALLY don’t like being ignored. These are the types of men that will take you ignoring them very personally. So personally in fact, that they will ignore you out of anger and spite just to “get back at you.”

Again though, lets really look at the facts. Anyone who frantically calls you definitely has an interest in you (or at least wants to know what you think.) So, while they may take your ignoring personally you have to wonder if deep down (beyond that anger) they still really want to hear from you.

I am a glass half full kind of guy so I choose to look at it like this: men who take being ignored personally will want to get back at you. However, deep down they just have this really thick “fake reality” wall built up to protect themselves from being hurt.

Remember when I was telling you that story about my very first breakup being really bad?

Well, the “frantic caller turned into ignorer” was the exact reaction that I had to the breakup. You see, my ex didn’t do a no contact rule on me but for a week we didn’t talk and I was definitely a text gnat and call gnat. Of course, after she ignored me I ignored her out of spite and created that “fake reality” to convince myself that everything was ok.

“Psssttt… want to hear a secret?”

Deep down I wanted to talk to her so bad but I was too stubborn to do so.

Speaking of stubborn!

3. The Stubborn Guy

“He is just so darn stubborn… I can’t get him to do anything I want.”

I can’t tell you how often I hear women say this to me when they talk about their ex. Unfortunately, it is a common problem. But how does that problem manifest itself in no contact? Firstly, I would like to explain exactly what the “stubborn guy” is.

The Stubborn Guy- This is a reaction that a certain man will have during the no contact period. Typically, they have the “she will have to call me first attitude.” In other words, they are too stubborn to even want to reach out during the no contact rule.

I have a feeling that a lot of women are going to be interested in this.

It is your greatest fear after all, having an ex NOT contact you at all during a no contact period. I want to explore this so you can truly understand what your ex is thinking. First though, lets get our two favorite actors to act this scenario out ;).

As always, you are going to initiate the no contact rule. However, this time I am not going to contact you. In other words, what we have here is a no contact rule stand off. Obviously, this is not what you want to have happen but the fact of the matter is that some men will react this way to the no contact rule. There are a complex range of emotions that go on here so I am going to be dividing this overall category into multiple sections. First, I would like to start with one of our favorite terms, the aftertaste effect.

The Aftertaste Effect

What is stubbornness? Perhaps more to the point, what is the definition of a stubborn person?

Stubborn Person- Someone who refuses to change their mind about something.

Why am I going into this? Well, I want to make it clear that just because someone is a stubborn person that doesn’t mean that it is impossible to change their mind. It just means you have to know how to deal with them. Lets turn our attention back to the aftertaste effect.

An ex who has the “stubborn guy” reaction to the no contact rule will have it because of the aftertaste they have of your previous relationship. For example, if I thought back to our (you and I’s) fake relationship and only thought bad things about it I would most likely have this mindset:

“I never want to talk to her again.”

Me having that thought about you is probably your greatest fear when it comes to getting me back. Of course, the thing YOU have to remember is that it is possible to change my mind. This is where your discipline comes in with the no contact rule.

The “Victim” Attitude

I would say that I can be a stubborn person when it comes to breakups. How do I know this? Well, because I lived it!

I think stubborn men as a whole adopt two specific mindsets when they are put in the no contact rule. I want to use this section to describe the first mindset.

There is a certain allure to being the victim. I mean, think about it. You get sympathy from everyone if you are a victim. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. When I read the comments and inquiries I get from readers every day I feel bad for some of the women I communicate with. ME feeling bad for you usually means that I am on your side!

How does this apply to stubborn men you ask?

Stubborn men during no contact want to be adored by their exes. If it was up to them they would have you calling them 20 times a day while they ignore you so they can show you “who’s boss.” Only you aren’t going to do that. You are a strong, independent and disciplined woman who isn’t going to break NC.

This is really NOT what they want. The fact that YOU aren’t begging them like you should be is going to agitate them and make them feel like the victim…

Yes, you read that right THEY are going to feel like the victim even though in the grand scheme of things they aren’t one. It is a really warped way of looking at things, I’ll admit, but you wanted to know about mens minds right?

The “She Has To Call Me First” Attitude

This is an attitude that I have personal experience with.

I remember during a breakup that I was so stubborn that I actually told myself “she has to call me first if she wants to talk to me.” You see, I, like most men, have a very warped way of looking at things. Every time I talk to a woman that I am dating or a woman I am interested in I look at every single interaction as a power struggle. This is especially true when it comes to who texts who first and who calls who first.

(I know, it’s really messed up isn’t it? I think it is just a guy thing.)

Anyways, having an ex call you first, if you are a stubborn guy, is like winning a game. If she calls you first you think to yourself “yup, I have her eating out of the palm of my hand.” Of course, if she doesn’t call you first then you begin to think that you are a “victim.”

In the end it all ties together.

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4. The Clueless Guy

Ah.. the clueless guy! Just a word of warning this section is going to be a bit shorter than the rest of the “reactions” during the no contact rule. That is because the clueless guy reaction is rare. So, what is a clueless guy reaction?

The Clueless Guy- A legitimate reaction where your ex is entirely clueless throughout the no contact rule. Men like this tend to be socially awkward or don’t really sense that anything is wrong.

I understand that you may be a little confused at how this reaction will play out in real life. So, as always, lets let our two professional actors act this situation out ;).

You are going to start the no contact rule on me. Of course, I am clueless about the whole situation so I may contact you or I may not. It will depend on a number of factors. If I don’t it’s not because I am trying to “put you in your place” it’s just that I am clueless about the whole situation.

Part of the reason the no contact rule works so well is the fact that the party it is being done to will sense that something is wrong. This feeling that they get will create a range of emotions and eventually (sometimes subconsciously) show them how much their ex significant other really means to them.

So, this begs the question:

Will the no contact rule even work on someone who has a “clueless” reaction? Before we can answer that we need to study the psychology behind someone with a clueless reaction.

The Psychology Behind A “Clueless” Reaction

One thing I’ve learned over my years as a coach is that men who tend to be clueless are ones that don’t have a lot of experience in relationships.

You see, one thing I have learned about women throughout my life is they tend to drop these little hints when you talk to them. These hints are a way of testing you to see where you stand on a certain issue. How you react to the hint will dictate how they approach the situation in the future.

A clueless guy is the type of guy who will not pick up any hints at all. He is too clueless or wrapped up in his own world to.

For example, during the NC period a clueless guy will not sense that anything is wrong at all. Here is where things get interesting though. He may actually contact you during the no contact period (but at the same time he may NOT contact you.)

So, there are aspects of being frantic and stubborn in there but as a whole he will not get any of the hints you drop. He will just assume everything is ok. Again, I would like to reiterate that this type of guy is very rare. I would say that there is a 95% chance that your ex boyfriend is NOT going to have this reaction.

Will The No Contact Still Work?

A few sections ago I asked a simple question. Will the no contact rule work on someone who is “clueless” about it?

The answer is YES it still can work but not in the way you think.

The biggest misconception is that the no contact rule is only for your ex boyfriend. In fact, I would say that, that is only half the battle. The half that everyone seems to forget about is the effect that NC has on YOU.

Hmm… how can I best explain this?

Ok, getting an ex boyfriend back requires an interesting balance. You have to be hyper aware of your emotions. You need to know when you have to be logical and you need to know when you have to be emotional. If you can find the perfect combination between the two (remaining logical while using your emotions to tap into your exes emotions) you have a really good chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

Here is the problem though, without the no contact rule you really don’t have any chance to acquire the logical mindset you need. Post-breakup is when you are at your emotional peak and while emotions can be good sometimes in this case you are probably too emotional to talk to your ex. That is why the no contact rule is such a beautiful thing.

If you can get through NC it shows that you have the discipline to remain logical!

5. The Scared Guy

Have you ever wondered if your ex is too scared to talk to you? In this section we are going to be covering the range of emotions that will be going through an exes head who feels too scared to even make a move. First though, I would like to define “the scared guy.”

The Scared Guy- This is a reaction that is the exact opposite of someone who frantically calls or texts. It’s a reaction that a guy will have when he is too scared to make a move during NC. He isn’t ignoring you out of stubbornness. He is ignoring you out of fear.

Lets not beat around the bush here, women are scary.

I am not afraid to admit it either.. I AM AFRAID OF WOMEN.

Still, to this day, I get the shakes when I am talking to a beautiful woman. It’s not because I am afraid of her. I am more afraid of what she is thinking about me. Here is the ironic part about the whole thing. I bet that the girl that I am talking to is getting the shakes because she is afraid of what I think about her.

The point I am trying to make here is don’t think that just because your ex isn’t contacting you it means he is stubborn. It may be entirely possible that he is too scared to reach out for fear of messing up. You tend to see this a lot with an ex boyfriend who YOU broke up with. So, let me break the “scared guy” reaction down for you.

If YOU broke up with me and implemented a no contact rule then I would definitely be afraid to contact you because of the fear of rejection. This begs an interesting question:

If you know for a fact that your ex boyfriend is afraid to contact you then shouldn’t you just break the NC and reach out to him first?

No… A BIG NO!

Here is what could happen in the mind of an ex boyfriend throughout the entire process:

If you contact him first during no contact he is probably going to revert to the stubborn mindset of “oh ya! I got her to reach out to me first after SHE broke up with me.” After this happens you are basically at his mercy.

Are you starting to understand no contact now? Dealing with exes during it is almost like a game. The game is all about power and usually the person with the power is in the best position.

6. The Mid Caller

This is a reaction from exes that I see a lot when I communicate with women on this site. I really want to do a good job explaining this so I am just going to cut right to the chase.

The Mid Caller- A common reaction that you will get during the NC rule. Instead of frantically calling at the beginning of the no contact rule an ex who has this reaction will call just a few times during the middle of the no contact rule.

As always, we are going to let our two favorite actors act out this scene for us so we have a better grasp of how this is all going to go down.

You are going to start the scene by implementing the no contact rule on me. I am going to enter into a NC rule duel with you. However, midway through the duel I am going to lose my nerve and reach out to you. Lets hit the pause button and explore this for a minute.

In my mind there are two possible explanations for why an ex boyfriend will call you a few days in (5-8 days) or midway through a no contact rule (14-18 days.)

Explanation #1- He Is Totally Clueless

This explanation ties directly in to what I talked about before with the “clueless guy.” It’s pretty simple really. Your ex is clueless about the whole situation and has no idea that you are doing a no contact rule on him. As a result, he will reach out in the middle of the no contact period.

Of course, when you ignore the text he sends he is going to figure out really quickly that something is up. Once he figures this out just sit back and watch the craziness ensue!

Explanation #2- He Loses The NC Rule Duel

This is much more likely to happen.

Chances are, if you are doing the no contact rule immediately after a breakup your ex boyfriend is going to be thinking about you a lot. He may have a little bit of stubbornness in him in that he won’t want to be the first one to contact you. As a result of that stubbornness he will engage with you in a no contact duel.

Of course, somewhere down the road his curiosity of what you are up to and how you are doing is going to take over and he will just throw caution to the wind by essentially losing the “duel.”

If he does lose this duel it can tell you a few important things. Firstly, he is thinking about you a lot which we can assume means that he still has some deep emotional feelings for you. Secondly, he cares about what you think and finally, YOU have power over him!

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The Angry Guy

Lets face the facts here. Getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t meant to be easy. If it was, well, then this site wouldn’t need to exist. This final reaction is what I like to call the “angry guy” reaction. Lets take a moment and define it.

The Angry Guy- The type of reaction you can get when your ex wants nothing to do with you (and means it..) Therefore, during NC he would not reach out to contact you.

The angry guy reaction is really the reaction that is going to tie into the aftertaste effect the most out of any reaction listed throughout this guide. Lets say that during our fake relationship you were not exactly a good girlfriend. You cheated on me or did something that really upset me. If I broke up with you under those pretenses then the chances are high that I left the relationship with a really bad taste in my mouth. If that was the case, then I probably will not want to contact you during the no contact period.

Except there is something different about the angry guy reaction as opposed to the stubborn guy reaction.

You see, with the stubborn guy reaction I won’t contact you during NC but deep down I will still want to hear from you. The angry guy reaction is a step above that. It is when an ex boyfriend is so angry that he wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t even want to see or hear from.

As I already stated, a lot of the angry guy reaction is going to tie into YOUR choices during your previous relationship (a la the aftertaste effect.) Of course, there are some guys that are just plain jerks that don’t know how to handle a breakup and will exhibit this reaction.

Typically, the tell tale sign of an angry guy reaction is when your ex says some very hurtful things to your face repeatedly. The keyword in that sentence is “repeatedly.” You see, you can almost expect an ex to say mean things to you after a breakup but if he keeps saying them to you over and over again post no contact (and it becomes vicious and cruel) you may have brought out the “angry guy” from within.

So, I suppose the real question here is, is it possible to get someone back if they exhibit this reaction?

Can You Get An “Angry Guy” Back?

It’s possible. In fact, one of my best friends did it.

However, it is not easy.

It is going to take a lot of patience on your part and even then there are no guarantees. In the end, what it all boils down to is if you think your ex is worth it. Really take a good hard look at your previous relationship and ask yourself a simple question:

“do I want to do this again?”

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By Chris Seiter | 17 comments

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4,154 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    Tia

    June 26, 2020 at 6:54 pm

    In march my bf said he feels drained from this relationship because im always upset or nagging. I didnt realise until he pointed this out. I said i would work on it but instead he said he wanted some space to think about whether this is what he wanted. Then lockdown happened and we havent seen each other since the “talk”. Ive texted him and it was going great all of April and then in May he said he still feels like something is missing. I told him to wait until lockdown is over so we can meet and talk about things but he didnt want to. He said its over. I still texted him and he sent me loving messages and then went cold again. He said the same thing that he feels like nothing is improving and i said its because its been 100 days since we have seen each other. but he asked me to just let it be. Ie he was breaking up with me i believe but then said he would meet me in person after lockdown to see how things are but also told me not to get my hopes up because he feels like deep down its not going to work.
    I have let him have his space because i’m assuming i’ll have to do no contact and then speak to him once we are able to leave our houses. but im not sure if we are fully broken up either.

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    Conopien

    June 9, 2020 at 9:19 pm

    My boyfriend who is 50 dumped me after 8 months and planning a holiday with me in 2021 as he “woke up and his feelings had changed”. I accepted that and was kind and after a week he apologised and said he knew he hadn’t treated me right and I responded that “I’m fine and I hope he is too”. I am now in NC and haven’t heard from him. I don’t understand why as the day before everything was fine and we booked a weekend away together. I’m not sure NC is working as he hasn’t reached out to me but has always said once he has made up his mind he doesn’t change it and worried that I won’t ever recover our wonderful relationship that had no major issues or arguments.

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    Joy

    June 8, 2020 at 9:13 pm

    Hi,

    Thank you for a great article. I’m glad I found this useful resource. I’ll try and keep this short.

    I broke up with my boyfriend of four months 6 days ago. Prior to this, I would complain a lot about the lack of affection he was (or wasn’t) showing me. He was comfortable with just texting as opposed to calling and whenever he did call it was a video call perhaps twice a week which I hate for my own reasons. He didn’t celebrate my birthday or Valentine’s Day which on both occasions I tried to break up with him over but he would call and beg for forgiveness and shortly after I would forgive him. But my overall general complaint has been I don’t feel like I matter to him. I don’t feel I’m high on his priority list but he assured me that he has a busy life and that he loves me. After trying to break up with him on several occasions and after he comes back apologizing, his unchangeable behavior has been bugging me, so 6 days ago I broke up with him again but this time blocking him everywhere so he has no way of contacting me.

    So my question is will no contact work on him? And seeing as I have blocked him everywhere, I don’t know if he has tried to reach out or will try to reach out. I don’t feel comfortable unblocking him because I feel it will mean to him that I want to hear from him again so in some way he will feel he has won. Help !

    Thanks in advance

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 10:26 pm

      Hi Joy, so you would need to unblock him everywhere so he can see you working your Holy Trinity and being fine without him during your No Contact. He needs to see that you are dealing with your life and not sat around waiting for him

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    Nallah canlas

    June 8, 2020 at 10:23 am

    Hi
    Im in a 1 yr and 4months relationship with my ex. We broke up because he and i was angry. We had a lot of fights before but we ended up good. But this time we had no contact for 1 week..i initiated contact for me to know where i stand. He just told me to shut up so he broke up with me. Now we are in 2 weeks no contact i blocked him on social media. I was shocked because all out fights was ended up still together. What should i do? He is a gamer that’s why i think he doesn’t have time to think our situation.

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    Sian

    June 7, 2020 at 8:48 pm

    I am one of your older readers.. I started seeing someone in February.. and it was lovely.. he is 4 years younger than me.
    He left his wife and 4 children 10 years ago for a woman he is still in contact with.
    Because of Covid, we decided to lock down together, and although we got in really well, it’s as if we missed out on a he dating and become comfortable quickly.
    I think he till rants the ‘chase’ and although he starts off saying
    How brill we are, he pulled away..
    I came back to my place, because I didn’t feel that we had the right ‘start’.. he helped me move and although we spoke every morn and eve, we were going to a BBQ with his family and because Ineas a bit lat, he told me not to come, he was going on his own, he blocked my calls that day ).. I was in my way to him), but he ignored my calls and has not contacts me since. I wrote explaining why Inwas late.. (clcalid reason).. but not response.
    He has a very quick temper and is really flakey.. part of me thinks ‘stuff him’ if he wants to find someone else..
    but I also have feelings for him and wonder if, having given up everything, to be rejected by then love of his life’ he is now self protecting and If he will be in contact..
    I have stuff stored in his lock-up which I eill need to get back, and have asked him to let me know if he needs me to move them.. I also still have his house key which he told me to keep..
    but, is being late to meet his sister an excuse to end it, or is he just still angry with me?..
    and, what should I do next?.. it was a week ago 30th May that we were meant to visit his sister.. I wrote a letter (.. not phone or text).. On 2nd Jun, ehich did not ask to get back, just apologised for being late. And he would have got that on 4-5th June, it is now 8th Jun..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 13, 2020 at 11:11 pm

      Hi Sian, so we do say not to send letters as they can be hurtful when your ex does not reach out to you in return. You need to complete a full 30 days no contact where you work on your Holy Trinity and become the best version of yourself. When you have given him some time to calm down (30 days minimum) and then reach out with a text that Chris helps you compose in his texting articles. Hopefully by then your number wont be blocked, if it is then you may need to reach out on a different platform

  6. Avatar

    Melissa

    June 5, 2020 at 7:27 pm

    If my ex tries to contact me during my no contact period do I respond if so how?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 12:47 pm

      No, you do not reply during a No Contact

  7. Avatar

    Rieko

    June 4, 2020 at 10:38 am

    I have been in a relationship with my ex bf for 3 months plus. Its been 18 days since i implement NC. Prior to the breakup, 15 days earlier we still text as usual but he just replied 2 times a day (for 3 days). And the next 10 days i was being ignored, yes totally (for 10 days). During those 10 days, i keep on reaching him out, like once every 2 or 3 days, i keep on being positive. Then at the 13th day, i managed to have him replied, he said he was busy. Im mad, but still control and pretend to not get hurt by him. And i was like okay, the text was short, and take a while. He will replied my night text at morning, morning text at evening, so basically, it’s like no conversation happened (2 days). So on the day of breakup (day 15th), i ask him nicely to discuss with me, tell me if i had done anything wrong. And i ask if i can call him, but it was declined when i called. I called via phone first and it was directed to voicemail, through whatsapp it was declined. Soon after that, i was being blocked. I was blocked everywhere, whatsapp/instagram/phone. Except facebook, because im not following him on facebook. All those things happened in 15 mins only. I was shocked, really, and lost. So now im on 18th day of NC, no news from him, and still being blocked. Should i iniate contact after 30 days of NC? Sorry for the messy grammar, Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 8:27 pm

      Hey Rieko, so if you reach out at the end of your 45 day No Contact and you find you are still in a hard block you are foced to continue with a NC while working on yourself and your Holy Trinity

  8. Avatar

    CGJ

    June 3, 2020 at 5:14 pm

    Hi,
    My ex and I dated for almost three years. It was a beautiful relationship, a treasure to keep. However, some months ago he started focusing on his studies and he became distant. Then my work load and now the pandemic did not help to see each other more often. Then, he breaks up by telling me that the flame was gone. He broke up on the phone and it was very sad, we both cryed and couldn’t even hang up, but he did it in the end. That was almost three weeks ago, when I started the NC. His bday was last saturday and I did not call or text. Last night, I got a very cold message from him asking for a few of his things. He said that he would pick them up, or if I didn’t want to see him that I could leave things in a box out of my building. His message was very cold, but he then said he hoped I was doing well. I responded short and kind that he can stop by anytime, but just to let me know when, and also hoped he was well. He responded: Of course! Thabk you, good night ☺️ (And a happy face). I will meet him to give things, again quick and kind. Can you please give some advice? Is it okay to meet him quick to give things or should I leave his things in a box? What about breaking the NC rule because he wanted his things back? Also, is he just wanting to draw a final line between us or what? This heppened last night. Please help! Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 12, 2020 at 9:41 pm

      Hey CGJ if you can leave things in a box in a safe place for your ex then that would be best as you follow the rules of No Contact. You are allowed to speak in regards to exchanging things, but you do not talk about anything emotional or about your relationship.

  9. Avatar

    Kalena

    May 28, 2020 at 10:32 pm

    I was in a SITUATIONSHIP type of relationship with this man for a whole year. Will no contact work on this kind of relationship? We had a misunderstanding via texts 4 days ago. Of course tried to call him the same day but ended up being ignored. I put him on NC right after that —3 days now. I have strong feelings for him and was hoping for a real committed relationship with him that’s why I stayed with him this long. If I will keep on doing NC on this stubborn man, will it work on him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 3, 2020 at 10:59 pm

      Hey Kalena, No Contact is for you to take some time to yourself getting over the break up and working on your Holy Trinity. When you have completed the No Contact you need to reach out with a text that Chris suggests. No Contact is going to give your ex some space and allow him to get over the break up and start missing you and remembering your positive times

  10. Avatar

    Ruby

    May 28, 2020 at 6:01 pm

    I was with my bf for 8 months (3 months include lockdown). He tried to break up with me on the phone saying he feels content in this relationship but not sad or not super happy. I told him i think its because we havent been able to see each other for 3 months and he also then proceeded to say he hasnt fallen in love with me and is worried he never will. I told him that i wanted to wait to have this conversation in person. However he wasnt too keen. We have been whatsapping hes hot and cold. Somedays super loving and some days he ghosts me. We are in our 30s and have spoken about marriage and looked at rings. I will attempt no contact but to me its worrying it’s been this long and he hasnt fallen in love with me. Should I just move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 7:45 pm

      Hi Ruby, I can not tell you to move on or not you need to decide that for yourself, I would suggest that you start by following a No Contact and work on your Holy Trinity during that time and be sure that you are focusing on you and not your ex. Read articles about texting and prepare your reach out at the end of your No Contact period

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    Abc

    May 25, 2020 at 8:11 pm

    So I was in a friend with benefits relationship with a guy for around 6 months and we were living together for 2 months. I felt as if we were couple as he used to treat me likewise.. recently we got into long distance and I tried to make him understand what I feel for him ( I started liking him) but he didn’t reciprocate the same so I asked him not to contact untill I move on.

  12. Avatar

    Heartbroken

    May 25, 2020 at 7:19 pm

    My ex & I broke up yesterday from a 4 years relationship. He left me not once, but twice. The first one was that I found him cheating & I gave him second chance. Yesterday, he left me because I kept bringing out the past into our relationship. He flared & left but he has not change his photo of us in his whatsapp or removed any photo of us on both facebook & instagram. He still stalks me because he liked my photo then unliked it. Initially I spammed called him but no answers & I decided to stop doing so. We’re going through the no contact phase right now & idk if this is the right move, is he going to move on? am i making the right move? is he ever going to come back? what is his mind like right now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 9, 2020 at 10:57 pm

      Hey there, so you are right to do a No Contact where you do not have any interaction with him at all for at least 30 days. Be sure that you are not watching his social media too.

  13. Avatar

    Claire

    May 23, 2020 at 5:00 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me in September of last year but the break up has not been easy. That following month was when we both would start university and yes we attended the same university and what was even worst is that we ended up living in the same accommodation so I would occasionally see him. As you could imagine this was extremely hard and I didn’t take the break up seriously at first because we would hook up and he would say he loves me but isn’t ready for a relationship. September to December I was completely over it and told him I’m going to leave him to figure out what he wants and initiated NC. He came back in January apologising and saying he wants me back and what I regret is that I made it to easy for him and was quick to let him back in, I started talking about our relationship & i could tell he wasn’t ready but was afraid to lose me so jumped the gun. We had many arguments during this time because I thought he was playing with my emotions and taking me for granted, so again I cut contact where he reached out again in February for valentines and sent me a card. *October to February we was not hooking up btw* Once again he came back saying he has been feeling insecure and feels as if he isn’t good enough for me and wants to work on our relationship but.. again I jumped in to quick expecting him to give me the world but it seemed like he wasn’t ready. We are both young so reading this blog makes me feel crazy as I feel like maybe it’s not science and I should just allow things to run there course but I am very much in love and his mum and sister text me saying how much they love me and miss me which makes it harder. He said he just wants to focus on being a better person and I’ve encouraged him to do so , I haven’t initiated NC but I have kept my distance for 2 weeks now , his birthday is coming up and I’ve decided not to reach out hoping he will realise what he has lost , I honestly don’t know if there is hope I just needed to vent.

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    Claire

    May 23, 2020 at 4:57 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me in September of last year but the break up has not been easy. That following month was when we both would start university and yes we attended the same university and what was even worst is that we ended up living in the same accommodation so I would occasionally see him. As you could imagine this was extremely hard and I didn’t take the break up seriously at first because we would hook up and he would say he loves me but isn’t ready for a relationship. September to December I was completely over it and told him I’m going to leave him to figure out what he wants and initiated NC. He came back in January apologising and saying he wants me back and what I regret is that I made it to easy for him and was quick to let him back in, I started talking about our relationship & i could tell he wasn’t ready but was afraid to lose me so jumped the gun. We had many arguments during this time because I thought he was playing with my emotions and taking me for granted, so again I cut contact where he reached out again in February for valentines and sent me a card and also wished me a happy birthday the following month . *October to February we was not hooking up btw* Once again he came back saying he has been feeling insecure and feels he isn’t good enough for me and wants to work on our relationship but.. again I jumped in to quick expecting him to give me the world but it seemed like he wasn’t ready. We are both young so reading this blog makes me feel crazy as I feel like maybe it’s not science and I should just allow things to run there course but I am very much in love and his mum and sibling text me saying how much they love me and miss me which makes it harder. He said he just wants to focus on being a better person and I’ve encouraged him to do so , I haven’t initiated NC but I have kept my distance for 2 weeks now , his birthday is coming up and I’ve decided not to reach out hoping he will realise what he has lost , I honestly don’t know if there is hope I just needed to vent. Many people say he cares , his friends and even his sibling but I get nothing from him.

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    Jojo

    May 18, 2020 at 3:33 pm

    After breaking up with me, he said we would remain friends and we could get back together later in life. I took the break up pretty well initially before I started asking that we got back together. He deleted my number, avoided meeting me physically and rarely replies my messages. I didn’t talk to him until some days later when I pestered him again, this made him block me. On every platform I try messaging him, he blocked me. When I call him, he answered sometimes, other times he ignored. Few weeks after, I asked that we get back together but he told me it’s too late for that to happen because he is already with someone else. He blocked me after this, I have been blocked almost everywhere but not everywhere. What can I do? Is it too late to establish NC? What else can work? He truly loved me while we dated for two years

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 27, 2020 at 10:09 pm

      Hey Jojo, I would suggest that you complete a 45 day No Contact and work on yourself, you also need to read some more articles on this website and try not to be emotional with your ex again. Part of what we do here is working on ourselves so that it makes your ex question if they made a mistake ending things and want to come back to you

  16. Avatar

    Gamer

    May 18, 2020 at 2:50 am

    My bf and I are no longer together as of yesterday. We were together for 1.5 years and lately we had frequent fights which lead to a loss of connection. He said he needed some time and space to think and work on himself so that we can be happy together and he stated how it was very hard for him to come to this decision. He even said he didn’t know if he was making the right or wrong decision. He said he loves me very much and cares about me and he wants to be with me, but he has a hard time seeing us be happy together as of right now. He still wants to check in with me and keep in contact during this “break.”

    I said no to keeping in contact because what is the point of him having a break but still continuing to talk to me? If that were the case, why can’t we be together?

    I am trying this no contact but it i hard. Today is day 1… and I almost found myself messaging him. What should I do? 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 11:19 pm

      Hi Gamer, it is hard to start the No Contact but be sure to have things in place to stop yourself from reaching out. When you have been in no contact for a couple of weeks and you are focusing on your Holy Trinity you will find that it becomes easier for you to stick with it

  17. Avatar

    Channey Chan

    May 15, 2020 at 9:10 am

    Hi! So, if your ex caves in and all these steps follow of the no contact rule and you basically win. What will it resolve now later in your relationships, sounds like an odd question, but will it change his behaviors? Or will taking him back go back to the same cycle of why we broke up before?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 15, 2020 at 5:16 pm

      Hi Channey, that’s a great question. So, when we state to have an ACTIVE No Contact rule it means that you take action to work on yourself, in that time your ex is going to see you blossoming into this Ungettable person and realise that you were great. If they want to get back together straight from NC (It happens sometimes, but a lot of client have to work on rebuilding connection and rapport. Which is the texting phase) Then you would agree to get back together, but slowly so that you do not fall back into old habits, and work to have a better stronger relationship this time around

  18. Avatar

    hopeful heart

    May 10, 2020 at 6:10 pm

    I broke up with my ex 3 months ago going on 4 this month. It was a real messy break up. Though hes never been nasty, we aren’t on speaking terms and haven’t spoken since. Would he be considering the NC rule himself itll be close to 90 days…I’ve reached out then got the hint and backed off. Only to be ignored. he’s never responded to my texts for voice mails only just simply carried on. He also has done the FULL block out as you put it. Respecting his decision is good. Though its hard to tell him he’s giving me the cold shoulder or just simply has moved on.

  19. Avatar

    Sara

    May 9, 2020 at 3:44 am

    Hey,
    Me and my ex were only dating for about 6 months. He didn’t want to make it official or anything because I wasn’t he’s priority at the time as he was having lots of other personal problems. I love him so much and I’ve expressed my feelings to him lots of times but he’s never expressed how he feels about me. He was jobless for 5 months and I was making most of the effort and Persuing him. He recently got a job 2 months ago something just for the time being until he finds something better.
    Everytime I would call him or text he use to sound very depressed and sad. He would never make an effort with me I would always arrange dates to meet up, also I use to most of the time initiate contact with him. But when we are together we always have a good time we are always happy together we’ve never fighted in person. If we do argue we always argue on the phone. So he’s been living with his uncle all his life and just 2months ago he left his uncles house and had a rough time finding somewhere to stay. Since he left he’s uncles house things between us went really cold. Just now during quarantine he broke up with me. After he broke up one week later he sent me a sorry message saying that he’s sorry that he doesn’t love me as much as I love him and he wishes that I would forgive him.

    Does he really mean that he doesn’t love me or will time make him realise that he does love me. Because when we were together I know he had feelings for me but because of circumstances it wasn’t working out.

  20. Avatar

    Stella Monteleone

    May 5, 2020 at 3:37 am

    I think my boyfriend does alot of nad things behind my back.. he cheated on me once or what i know of and we have eachother locations on our phones and i saw one nite he was at a hotel .. texted him all nite and he called me the day after amd told me he was with his friends. My trust is very low with him so I broke up with him . Should i
    Do no contact for him to know what he lost? Amd if will ever change! He denys
    everything amd always has excuses .. but when i ignore him He shows up at my house and calls me. What should i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 10:39 pm

      Hi Stella yes you should complete a no contact period but ask yourself if this is the person you are willing to give another chance to if he cheated on you and isnt accepting blame or apologising

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