It’s a question I get asked every single day.

“What is he thinking?”

Or if you want me to be more specific:

“Now that I am in no contact can you explain what is going on in his mind?”

I decided to put this guide together to put a rest to these questions once and for all. I am going to be attempting to explain everything I know about how men react to the no contact rule. If you aren’t familiar with my website then let me give you a quick breakdown of what I am all about.

Every single “guide,” I like to use the word guide to explain my posts/articles because it sounds more authoritative, anyways, every single guide I have ever written is very long and in-depth and this particular guide will be no different. Some of the things I talk about may be hard for you to hear but at it’s core it will come from a place of truth.

In the end, I subscribe to the theory that in order for me to best help you get your ex boyfriend back you need to see the entire picture and that is what I am doing here with this guide, helping you see the parts of the picture you are missing.

(Side Note: If you want a full accounting of the “big picture” that you are missing the best place for you to start is with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO my massive book detailing all of my best theories on how to improve your chances with your ex.)

Your Failure Of The No Contact Rule

Every single day I carve out an hour or two to answer comments and questions from the readers of this site.

At times I feel like a robot constantly repeating myself…

“Have you done NC?”

“Are you currently in NC?”

Some women will tell me that they tried the NC rule but failed after only 4 days. Others make it deep into “uncharted territory,” 10 days, before they fail.

I get it.

The no contact rule can be an extremely hard thing to complete. After all, I am asking you to essentially cut your ex boyfriend off for a full month. To be more specific, you can’t talk, text or respond to any type of communication from him.

(If you would like a full explanation of the No Contact Rule please visit this page or simply watch the video below,)

It’s funny to me that so many women fail at something SO CRUCIAL to get their ex boyfriends back.

I mean, if I told you that you would get a 100% success recovery rate if all you had to do was make it through 30 days without contacting your ex there would still be some women who would fail at not contacting their ex.

I liken it to a little kid being told “you cannot have that cookie.” The little kid knows that it is wrong to take a cookie from the jar but decides to do it anyways. Are you seeing the analogy yet?

You= the little kid.

Your ex= the cookie.

Now, lets take a look at WHY you keep reaching your hand in the cookie jar.

Whenever I write one of these guides I tend to do a lot of outlining and research. However, when I asked myself a simple question “why is it that so many women keep breaking NC?” I didn’t have to look very far for the ansewr. In fact, if you are a constant reader of this site then you won’t have to look very far either. A simple viewing of the comments should give you a pretty clear picture.

Oh, I broke NC because I didn’t want him to think less of me…

I didn’t know what he was thinking and it was driving me nuts…

I am afraid he will lose interest in me…

What if he runs off with some other girl…

With all of the concerns listed above what is the one constant?

While I admit there are many constants in the concerns above the correct answer I am looking for lies in a simple truth. Any woman who implements a no contact rule is uncertain about what is going on in her exes mind.

Therein lies the foundation on which this guide was built, helping you to better understand what goes on in your exes mind so YOU can succeed with the no contact rule!

Understanding Men During NC

It doesn’t take a genius to tell that men and women are very different creatures.

Men, much more physical, tend to lack when it comes to social situations.

Women, much more social, tend to lack when it comes to physical situations.

This is an interesting view to take when you look at our species as a whole. It explains why men need women and women need men. However, it also explains why we get our wires crossed so often.

I am a man. I understand how they think. I understand why most of my peers do the things they do. This puts YOU in a very unique position because I am spreading all of our dirty little secrets. Every single one I want to give you access to so you can better understand us.

To be more specific, I am going to be talking about how a man can possibly react (and what he will think) when a woman implements a no contact rule on him.

The first thing I need to teach you has to do with the differences in men.

Men Are Different From Women

george carlin men vs women

Above I established that men and women are different creatures. Well, I would like to take that a step further and say that not all men are the same. For example, what I find attractive in a woman another man may not.

One of my best friends springs to mind here. As two young single guys we often talk about one topic, women. I remember a few months ago my friend went on this rant about how he likes a particular “type” of woman. After his rant I chimed in and explained the type of woman I liked. In the end, we agreed to disagree but I think this little anecdote proves an interesting point.

What may be true for a lot of men may not be true for your man.

This is an important concept to understand because what I am about to explain next only exisits because of the “men are different from men” phenomenon.

When it comes to the no contact rule I have found that there are 7 main reactions and thoughts that men will have. Each reaction is different from the other in its own unique way. Now, I will eventually get around to explaining the “reactions” to you but first I need to teach you something else.

Whatever Reaction You Get Depends On Your Relationship

relationship meme

Above I established that each man is different in his own unique way. That concept will certainly have a “tie in” to the 7 different reactions I talk about later in this guide but if I am being completely truthful with you then I would say that what I am about to explain here is the single biggest factor into HOW your ex is going to react during the no contact rule.

I want you to think back to your old relationship.

Now, obviously your old relationship failed for some reason. Right now that doesn’t matter. Right now we are going to be looking at something far more valuable. Something I like to call the aftertaste effect!

What Is The Aftertaste Effect?

When I began writing Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I had a list that I put together designed to detail all of the best strategies that I found that worked to get an ex back so that I could put it in the book.

The aftertaste effect was one of those strategies.

Do you have a favorite candy?

I know I certainly do.

Whenever you eat a candy you are left with a certain aftertaste. It is that aftertaste that compels you to come back and keep eating that candy. For me the candy that has the best aftertaste is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. For some reason every time I eat one I end up eating two or three more.

Of course, candy is not good for you. Everyone knows that at a basic level and yet it is the aftertaste that compels us all to keep eating them.

Now, I want to ask you a question.

What kind of emotional “aftertaste” do you think your ex boyfriend was left with after the two of you broke up?

One thing I can tell you for sure is that YOU were left with a good aftertaste. I mean, here you are reading this far down the page because you are hungry for another relationship with your ex. (I will stop with the puns.) But I really want you to think hard and try to put yourself in your exes shoes. What kind of taste do you think he was left with?

Good or bad, whatever his aftertaste is will cause him to react a certain way to the no contact rule.

The 7 Reactions From Men During No Contact

Through a lot of trial and error I’ve learned that there are typically seven reactions that men will have during a no contact rule.

How did I come by this data you wonder?

Two ways actually!

The first is relatively simple, I coach A LOT of people one on one.

The second is actually through our private Facebook Group that we have for women going through breakups. Right now the only way to gain access to this private resource is by first reading Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. We find that if we just let anyone in the results aren’t great. However, if I require them to read PRO first then they tend to do a lot better in the group.

But I am getting way off topic.

In this section I am going to outline each of the ways and give an in-depth explanation for what is going on in his head during the reaction. Now, while you are reading about each reaction I want you to keep in mind that I will be referencing the aftertaste effect a lot. So, make sure you have a grasp of it before you read on.

Lets stop talking and start listing.

  • Reaction 1- The Frantic Caller
  • Reaction 2- The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer
  • Reaction 3- The Stubborn Guy
  • Reaction 4- The Clueless Guy
  • Reaction 5- The Scared Guy
  • Reaction 6- The Mid Caller
  • Reaction 7- The Angry Guy

Confused? Don’t worry, as always I will explain.

Here’s how this is going to work. You and I are going to play roles in each of these seven reactions.

You are going to play my ex girlfriend (who is using a 30 day no contact rule on me.) Of course, I am going to be playing your ex boyfriend and plan to give you insight on each of my reactions. Lets get started!

1. The Frantic Caller

 

This is an amusing reaction from a man. I remember when I first created this site I really thought that women who implemented the no contact rule would see this particular reaction from men but the truth is that not as many men have this reaction as I thought.

What is a “frantic caller?”

Frantic Caller- A man who will call “frantically” a few days after NC has started. He will eventually get the hint and stop calling. However, deep in his mind he will always want to hear from you.

So, here is how this situation would work if you and I were the “actors.”

You would use the no contact rule on me. Of course, I wouldn’t realize it until I sent you a few text messages that you don’t respond to. Now, lets hit the pause button and talk about this. Personally, the more I care about someone the more I care about getting a response to a text message.

For example, if I am texting a friend I really don’t mind if my message is not responded to immediately (or at all.) However, on the flip side if I am texting a girl that I have a major crush on or an ex girlfriend (like you 😉 .) I am going to care about getting a response. So, when I send you a text message and you don’t respond to it I am going to start to get agitated.

This agitation is going to lead to me sending more messages down the road or possibly calling you out on why you are not responding to me with a message like this:

“Oh, so you are just ignoring me now?”

At this point you are going to be tempted to respond to me. In a way, I am testing you to see if you will engage with me. This is a classic “guilt trip.”

Of course, every time I send a message that you don’t respond to I am leaving myself vulnerable. This ties directly into the push/pull method that I described in this guide. Basically, the more you ignore me the more likely I am to show you attention. However, the more you send attention my way the less likely I am to give you that attention back.

Usually, after a certain amount of texts are un-responded to I will start calling you frantically. Of course, since you are in a strict NC rule you will be ignoring all of my calls. While it may take a while I will finally get the hint and stop calling which will lead me to ignore you completely.

This is where I want to hit the pause button again.

It’s this ignoring period (that I am doing to you) that I really want to discuss. What is going on in my head during this time?

Firstly, lets look at the facts. I was basically a text gnat to you after I didn’t get my way (once you started ignoring me.) When I advise people I always tell them to try to look beyond the “words” that their ex says to them and look at the actions that their ex does. My actions here, once NC was done by you was to spam you with text messages and phone calls. That fact alone means that I still have interest in you, that I still care about you.

Now, once I start ignoring you it isn’t because all of a sudden I “hate” you, it’s because I finally got the hint that you don’t want to talk to me. Most women who visit this site get very scared during the “ignoring” period by their ex. They think he will “move on” or that he will “find someone else.”

In my experience that doesn’t happen at all. I may try to convince myself that I “don’t like you anymore.” Heck, I may even mouth off to a few of my friends that I don’t want to be with you anymore but deep down that isn’t true. Deep down I am just insecure about being alone and I want to hear from you badly.

I have actually experienced this phenomenon myself before. I like to call this the fake reality phenomenon.

The Fake Reality Phenomenon

During my first breakup ever I experienced something very strange.

I am the type of guy that can sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve. It can be my biggest advantage but also my biggest downfall.

During my first breakup it was definitely my biggest downfall. This particular breakup stands out in my mind because of how nasty it was. It wasn’t nasty from her end it was nasty from my end and I think it all came down to the insecurity I felt from being alone.

Anyways, I did the “ignoring dance” for a long time with her. In fact, I remember the very first day of the breakup I convinced myself that life was better and for a while it was. I had this feeling of being free but eventually the breakup caught up with me and I had to create this fake reality for myself where I did my best to put on this facade that I was great when deep down all I wanted was to talk to my ex.

This is essentially what the fake reality phenomenon is. It’s this weird reality that an ex will create for himself during the no contact rule to tell himself that life is better without you but deep down all he really wants is to talk to you.

2. The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer

This reaction is very similar to the one above. Before I really dive in here let me give you a brief explanation of what this actually is.

Frantic Caller Turned Ignorer- A man who will frantically call after NC but will get so angry that you are ignoring him that he won’t call you again.

A perfect example of this is one of my clients who actually did get her ex back and was kind enough to come onto my podcast and do a podcast episode detailing her experience with no contact starting at 4:35,


This can be a pretty depressing reaction to get. Here is how this will break down if you and I were the “actors” in this play ;).

Just like before, you are going to implement the no contact rule on me and just like before I am going to become a text gnat by sending you a lot of different text messages and phone calls. Here is where the main difference will come into play, instead of me ignoring you (but wanting to hear from you) I am going to be ignoring you out of anger.

Let me dive a little deeper into the male thinking here.

Above I talked about how the more I care about a person emotionally the more I care about a text message response. This is an important nugget of knowledge to grasp for this reaction because it really goes down to the core of why an ex may potentially ignore you out of spite.

Look, no one likes to be flat out ignored. That fact alone is why the no contact rule is such an effective method. However, there will always be a certain portion of men that REALLY don’t like being ignored. These are the types of men that will take you ignoring them very personally. So personally in fact, that they will ignore you out of anger and spite just to “get back at you.”

Again though, lets really look at the facts. Anyone who frantically calls you definitely has an interest in you (or at least wants to know what you think.) So, while they may take your ignoring personally you have to wonder if deep down (beyond that anger) they still really want to hear from you.

I am a glass half full kind of guy so I choose to look at it like this: men who take being ignored personally will want to get back at you. However, deep down they just have this really thick “fake reality” wall built up to protect themselves from being hurt.

Remember when I was telling you that story about my very first breakup being really bad?

Well, the “frantic caller turned into ignorer” was the exact reaction that I had to the breakup. You see, my ex didn’t do a no contact rule on me but for a week we didn’t talk and I was definitely a text gnat and call gnat. Of course, after she ignored me I ignored her out of spite and created that “fake reality” to convince myself that everything was ok.

“Psssttt… want to hear a secret?”

Deep down I wanted to talk to her so bad but I was too stubborn to do so.

Speaking of stubborn!

3. The Stubborn Guy

“He is just so darn stubborn… I can’t get him to do anything I want.”

I can’t tell you how often I hear women say this to me when they talk about their ex. Unfortunately, it is a common problem. But how does that problem manifest itself in no contact? Firstly, I would like to explain exactly what the “stubborn guy” is.

The Stubborn Guy- This is a reaction that a certain man will have during the no contact period. Typically, they have the “she will have to call me first attitude.” In other words, they are too stubborn to even want to reach out during the no contact rule.

I have a feeling that a lot of women are going to be interested in this.

It is your greatest fear after all, having an ex NOT contact you at all during a no contact period. I want to explore this so you can truly understand what your ex is thinking. First though, lets get our two favorite actors to act this scenario out ;).

As always, you are going to initiate the no contact rule. However, this time I am not going to contact you. In other words, what we have here is a no contact rule stand off. Obviously, this is not what you want to have happen but the fact of the matter is that some men will react this way to the no contact rule. There are a complex range of emotions that go on here so I am going to be dividing this overall category into multiple sections. First, I would like to start with one of our favorite terms, the aftertaste effect.

The Aftertaste Effect

What is stubbornness? Perhaps more to the point, what is the definition of a stubborn person?

Stubborn Person- Someone who refuses to change their mind about something.

Why am I going into this? Well, I want to make it clear that just because someone is a stubborn person that doesn’t mean that it is impossible to change their mind. It just means you have to know how to deal with them. Lets turn our attention back to the aftertaste effect.

An ex who has the “stubborn guy” reaction to the no contact rule will have it because of the aftertaste they have of your previous relationship. For example, if I thought back to our (you and I’s) fake relationship and only thought bad things about it I would most likely have this mindset:

“I never want to talk to her again.”

Me having that thought about you is probably your greatest fear when it comes to getting me back. Of course, the thing YOU have to remember is that it is possible to change my mind. This is where your discipline comes in with the no contact rule.

The “Victim” Attitude

I would say that I can be a stubborn person when it comes to breakups. How do I know this? Well, because I lived it!

I think stubborn men as a whole adopt two specific mindsets when they are put in the no contact rule. I want to use this section to describe the first mindset.

There is a certain allure to being the victim. I mean, think about it. You get sympathy from everyone if you are a victim. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. When I read the comments and inquiries I get from readers every day I feel bad for some of the women I communicate with. ME feeling bad for you usually means that I am on your side!

How does this apply to stubborn men you ask?

Stubborn men during no contact want to be adored by their exes. If it was up to them they would have you calling them 20 times a day while they ignore you so they can show you “who’s boss.” Only you aren’t going to do that. You are a strong, independent and disciplined woman who isn’t going to break NC.

This is really NOT what they want. The fact that YOU aren’t begging them like you should be is going to agitate them and make them feel like the victim…

Yes, you read that right THEY are going to feel like the victim even though in the grand scheme of things they aren’t one. It is a really warped way of looking at things, I’ll admit, but you wanted to know about mens minds right?

The “She Has To Call Me First” Attitude

This is an attitude that I have personal experience with.

I remember during a breakup that I was so stubborn that I actually told myself “she has to call me first if she wants to talk to me.” You see, I, like most men, have a very warped way of looking at things. Every time I talk to a woman that I am dating or a woman I am interested in I look at every single interaction as a power struggle. This is especially true when it comes to who texts who first and who calls who first.

(I know, it’s really messed up isn’t it? I think it is just a guy thing.)

Anyways, having an ex call you first, if you are a stubborn guy, is like winning a game. If she calls you first you think to yourself “yup, I have her eating out of the palm of my hand.” Of course, if she doesn’t call you first then you begin to think that you are a “victim.”

In the end it all ties together.

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back Again With Our Step By Step Guide To Getting Your Ex Back

Learn More

4. The Clueless Guy

Ah.. the clueless guy! Just a word of warning this section is going to be a bit shorter than the rest of the “reactions” during the no contact rule. That is because the clueless guy reaction is rare. So, what is a clueless guy reaction?

The Clueless Guy- A legitimate reaction where your ex is entirely clueless throughout the no contact rule. Men like this tend to be socially awkward or don’t really sense that anything is wrong.

I understand that you may be a little confused at how this reaction will play out in real life. So, as always, lets let our two professional actors act this situation out ;).

You are going to start the no contact rule on me. Of course, I am clueless about the whole situation so I may contact you or I may not. It will depend on a number of factors. If I don’t it’s not because I am trying to “put you in your place” it’s just that I am clueless about the whole situation.

Part of the reason the no contact rule works so well is the fact that the party it is being done to will sense that something is wrong. This feeling that they get will create a range of emotions and eventually (sometimes subconsciously) show them how much their ex significant other really means to them.

So, this begs the question:

Will the no contact rule even work on someone who has a “clueless” reaction? Before we can answer that we need to study the psychology behind someone with a clueless reaction.

The Psychology Behind A “Clueless” Reaction

One thing I’ve learned over my years as a coach is that men who tend to be clueless are ones that don’t have a lot of experience in relationships.

You see, one thing I have learned about women throughout my life is they tend to drop these little hints when you talk to them. These hints are a way of testing you to see where you stand on a certain issue. How you react to the hint will dictate how they approach the situation in the future.

A clueless guy is the type of guy who will not pick up any hints at all. He is too clueless or wrapped up in his own world to.

For example, during the NC period a clueless guy will not sense that anything is wrong at all. Here is where things get interesting though. He may actually contact you during the no contact period (but at the same time he may NOT contact you.)

So, there are aspects of being frantic and stubborn in there but as a whole he will not get any of the hints you drop. He will just assume everything is ok. Again, I would like to reiterate that this type of guy is very rare. I would say that there is a 95% chance that your ex boyfriend is NOT going to have this reaction.

Will The No Contact Still Work?

A few sections ago I asked a simple question. Will the no contact rule work on someone who is “clueless” about it?

The answer is YES it still can work but not in the way you think.

The biggest misconception is that the no contact rule is only for your ex boyfriend. In fact, I would say that, that is only half the battle. The half that everyone seems to forget about is the effect that NC has on YOU.

Hmm… how can I best explain this?

Ok, getting an ex boyfriend back requires an interesting balance. You have to be hyper aware of your emotions. You need to know when you have to be logical and you need to know when you have to be emotional. If you can find the perfect combination between the two (remaining logical while using your emotions to tap into your exes emotions) you have a really good chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

Here is the problem though, without the no contact rule you really don’t have any chance to acquire the logical mindset you need. Post-breakup is when you are at your emotional peak and while emotions can be good sometimes in this case you are probably too emotional to talk to your ex. That is why the no contact rule is such a beautiful thing.

If you can get through NC it shows that you have the discipline to remain logical!

5. The Scared Guy

Have you ever wondered if your ex is too scared to talk to you? In this section we are going to be covering the range of emotions that will be going through an exes head who feels too scared to even make a move. First though, I would like to define “the scared guy.”

The Scared Guy- This is a reaction that is the exact opposite of someone who frantically calls or texts. It’s a reaction that a guy will have when he is too scared to make a move during NC. He isn’t ignoring you out of stubbornness. He is ignoring you out of fear.

Lets not beat around the bush here, women are scary.

I am not afraid to admit it either.. I AM AFRAID OF WOMEN.

Still, to this day, I get the shakes when I am talking to a beautiful woman. It’s not because I am afraid of her. I am more afraid of what she is thinking about me. Here is the ironic part about the whole thing. I bet that the girl that I am talking to is getting the shakes because she is afraid of what I think about her.

The point I am trying to make here is don’t think that just because your ex isn’t contacting you it means he is stubborn. It may be entirely possible that he is too scared to reach out for fear of messing up. You tend to see this a lot with an ex boyfriend who YOU broke up with. So, let me break the “scared guy” reaction down for you.

If YOU broke up with me and implemented a no contact rule then I would definitely be afraid to contact you because of the fear of rejection. This begs an interesting question:

If you know for a fact that your ex boyfriend is afraid to contact you then shouldn’t you just break the NC and reach out to him first?

No… A BIG NO!

Here is what could happen in the mind of an ex boyfriend throughout the entire process:

If you contact him first during no contact he is probably going to revert to the stubborn mindset of “oh ya! I got her to reach out to me first after SHE broke up with me.” After this happens you are basically at his mercy.

Are you starting to understand no contact now? Dealing with exes during it is almost like a game. The game is all about power and usually the person with the power is in the best position.

6. The Mid Caller

This is a reaction from exes that I see a lot when I communicate with women on this site. I really want to do a good job explaining this so I am just going to cut right to the chase.

The Mid Caller- A common reaction that you will get during the NC rule. Instead of frantically calling at the beginning of the no contact rule an ex who has this reaction will call just a few times during the middle of the no contact rule.

As always, we are going to let our two favorite actors act out this scene for us so we have a better grasp of how this is all going to go down.

You are going to start the scene by implementing the no contact rule on me. I am going to enter into a NC rule duel with you. However, midway through the duel I am going to lose my nerve and reach out to you. Lets hit the pause button and explore this for a minute.

In my mind there are two possible explanations for why an ex boyfriend will call you a few days in (5-8 days) or midway through a no contact rule (14-18 days.)

Explanation #1- He Is Totally Clueless

This explanation ties directly in to what I talked about before with the “clueless guy.” It’s pretty simple really. Your ex is clueless about the whole situation and has no idea that you are doing a no contact rule on him. As a result, he will reach out in the middle of the no contact period.

Of course, when you ignore the text he sends he is going to figure out really quickly that something is up. Once he figures this out just sit back and watch the craziness ensue!

Explanation #2- He Loses The NC Rule Duel

This is much more likely to happen.

Chances are, if you are doing the no contact rule immediately after a breakup your ex boyfriend is going to be thinking about you a lot. He may have a little bit of stubbornness in him in that he won’t want to be the first one to contact you. As a result of that stubbornness he will engage with you in a no contact duel.

Of course, somewhere down the road his curiosity of what you are up to and how you are doing is going to take over and he will just throw caution to the wind by essentially losing the “duel.”

If he does lose this duel it can tell you a few important things. Firstly, he is thinking about you a lot which we can assume means that he still has some deep emotional feelings for you. Secondly, he cares about what you think and finally, YOU have power over him!

The Angry Guy

Lets face the facts here. Getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t meant to be easy. If it was, well, then this site wouldn’t need to exist. This final reaction is what I like to call the “angry guy” reaction. Lets take a moment and define it.

The Angry Guy- The type of reaction you can get when your ex wants nothing to do with you (and means it..) Therefore, during NC he would not reach out to contact you.

The angry guy reaction is really the reaction that is going to tie into the aftertaste effect the most out of any reaction listed throughout this guide. Lets say that during our fake relationship you were not exactly a good girlfriend. You cheated on me or did something that really upset me. If I broke up with you under those pretenses then the chances are high that I left the relationship with a really bad taste in my mouth. If that was the case, then I probably will not want to contact you during the no contact period.

Except there is something different about the angry guy reaction as opposed to the stubborn guy reaction.

You see, with the stubborn guy reaction I won’t contact you during NC but deep down I will still want to hear from you. The angry guy reaction is a step above that. It is when an ex boyfriend is so angry that he wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t even want to see or hear from.

As I already stated, a lot of the angry guy reaction is going to tie into YOUR choices during your previous relationship (a la the aftertaste effect.) Of course, there are some guys that are just plain jerks that don’t know how to handle a breakup and will exhibit this reaction.

Typically, the tell tale sign of an angry guy reaction is when your ex says some very hurtful things to your face repeatedly. The keyword in that sentence is “repeatedly.” You see, you can almost expect an ex to say mean things to you after a breakup but if he keeps saying them to you over and over again post no contact (and it becomes vicious and cruel) you may have brought out the “angry guy” from within.

So, I suppose the real question here is, is it possible to get someone back if they exhibit this reaction?

Can You Get An “Angry Guy” Back?

It’s possible. In fact, one of my best friends did it.

However, it is not easy.

It is going to take a lot of patience on your part and even then there are no guarantees. In the end, what it all boils down to is if you think your ex is worth it. Really take a good hard look at your previous relationship and ask yourself a simple question:

“do I want to do this again?”

4,026 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    Charlotte B.

    January 18, 2020 at 3:10 am

    Hello…

    Okay, so I have known the father of my child for almost 10 years. My child is 4. I have been in love with him for as long as I can remember. We are constantly trying to make both our lives better for the sake of our child, and in doing so we incorporate each other in many things. Also, we have lived in 2 different states for 5 years now, but have spoken on the phone/FaceTimed multiple times a day with each other and with his child. He visits a few times a year when he is able to. Every time he comes, I become an emotional wreck bc I want a family PLUS everything else we plan on, but he is not there (he also talks/dates other women where he is as I do not, I don’t want anyone else) so then I have to bottle up all my emotions and feelings and put them away again, so we can continue on like normal. He recently came over the holidays, pretty good trip, but ended horribly with some extra bad things I won’t mention here, but again I get emotional, and I just can’t do it this way anymore. I told him I need space and I’m not sure for how long. He text me back saying he would stay away. Bc of our child, I texted him 7 days later. He didn’t respond or call like I asked him to. 7 days after that, I FaceTimed so he could see/talk to his child. I don’t want our child to get the ugly end of the stick just bc I asked for space. He answered and they spoke for all of 3 mins, then he hung up- we didn’t utter a single word to each other. We FaceTimed the night after that, he didn’t answer nor did he call back. We didn’t facetime for a few days, then we tried again and they spoke again, but we did not. I hate this. I miss him. I miss him for our child. But I honestly do not know what to do. I also hate living like this, where I can’t have what I want with him, but then feel guilty bc our child. Am i crazy? I think I may be. I honestly have no clue on what I should anymore. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 12:04 pm

      Charlotte, you are not crazy it sounds more like you want to be with him and cant, so you need to give yourself the space but he should be wanting to talk to his child. You essentially need to do a Limited no contact where you allow him contact with your child but nothing else for some time. If you want to get him back you need to do some Ungettable girl work and read some more of these articles to understand what it is you need to do

  2. Avatar

    Lola

    January 17, 2020 at 6:23 pm

    Hi, this is Lola again,
    My ex doesn’t have social media and I only use my dog ig account to post anything I know his brother and wife checks my dogs account to see what I’ve been up to. Any suggestions?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 9:12 pm

      Do you have mutual friends that you hang out with? And you can post things on your dogs social media showing you going to new areas that he is not going to expect you to go to

  3. Avatar

    Lisa

    January 13, 2020 at 6:15 pm

    I have been seeing a man fir 5 months ..We get on so well but he struggles to show his feelings .I am a widow so therefore very loving towards him ..He has told me he loves me twice &makes. Joke out of it ,as he’s a man a man .Ive always struggled ,thinking that he will never commit (he’s 56 &has had 2 girlfriends since the spilt from his wife 12 years ago ).Each relationship lasted 2&a half years ..The first asked him to marry him so he finished with her .The second sent a long text ,saying he was selfish .He never really says he loves me ,even though I say it every day ..He’s quite cold ..His dad dies at Xmas ,whom he was so so close too (&to his brother &17 year old daughter ),I was there with him ,supporting gin &was very patient ,understanding &caring ..His dad died on 30 December .On New Year’s Eve we went out with his brother & daughter to his local pub (we live in different areas).Therfore we were out with his family &friends & I was away from mine !..He shouted at me fir misplaying my handbag & literally ignored me at midnight .When we got to his house ,we said goodnight &he had his back to me .I said I love yiu &he said it back .I was t convinced &was hurting &feeling unloved .I asked him to tell me he loves me ,but he said ‘ I just have !,your overpowering !’..I didn’t say anything ,until a few days later ,when he let me didn’t about coming over .I totally understand he was organising his dads funerals &was distraught ..Hiwever I had to say something ,but he was cold &still couldn’t tell me hiw he felt .So I just finished it !..I’ve messaged since &explsined hiw I was feeling & that it was bad timing ,but I still love him ..His response was ‘well you finished with me ,so take care ‘..I messaged back with my feelings fir him &apologised fir the bad timing again etc ..I’ve not contacted him fir 2 days as he didn’t reply ..Today I’ve posted a condolence card ,which he will receive tomorrow..What should I do next ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 9:39 pm

      Hi Lisa so as he has just lost a parent you are going to have to take into account that there is going to be a situation where you need to have a lot of patience when it comes to him and following this process. You do however need to follow the No contact period first. And read different articles that apply to your situation

  4. Avatar

    Jenny

    January 12, 2020 at 11:30 pm

    Hi,
    my ex and I are both 25, and we dated for 1 year and 2 months. Our relationship have a really special bond, there’s no trust issue, never really have an argument, if anything happened we always talk it out. We really love and care about each other and we can truly feel that as well. Unfortunately in July, he had to go back to Asia to finish his last semester there due to his family issue, so we’re in a long distance relationship for 6 months. Things were great tho, we FaceTime every morning and night, texted a lot as well, so we know what each other was doing every day. I even travelled all the way to Asia to visit him for 2 weeks in October, it was also my birthday and our anniversary. The problem is, since he’s an international student he would need a working visa in order to come back to nyc. We talked about this in August but we did not want to breakup and we’re both crying.. since we both wanted to start a life together, we decided to give a try cause who know maybe he will be able to get a job here. He said he applied to 4 to 5 companies here and will know the results by March. In the mean time, he’s supposed to come visit me end of this month, we even planned on when I should take off from work. On Wednesday morning, we FaceTime as usual and everything was perfectly fine, he even said he’s gonna book a ticket the next day. About 15 mins after we hung up, he called back saying he got a bad news, a company in nyc rejected him and he wanted to breakup now. He said he’s not coming to visit me as well cause will just make the breakup even harder. He wish we can be friends but he needs some time cause for now he won’t be able to talk to me like friends. The next day I simply asked him when did he receive the mail and he replied “yesterday..”, I tried to comfort him and told him that we can always solve the problem together like we used to.. but he didn’t reply back since. It’s been only 3 days we haven’t contact each other. I wish he could’ve gave me more time and let me know what’s going on instead of ending things so abruptly cause it made me more confused. Like I don’t even know did he got rejected by all 4 to 5 companies or he just simply gave up and decided to stay in Asia. And even for breakup, I was only mentally prepared this might happen in March.. not like this all of a sudden…

  5. Avatar

    J

    January 10, 2020 at 1:34 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up mutually about two weeks ago and have been doing no contact for a 10 days. We were together for almost 2 years, 7 of the most recent months being long distance. I guess I’m just trying to decide if no contact still has to be for 30 days even with long distance breakups or if it can be shorter. We both decided that we still want to be friends but I’m worried that if I contact him too soon he won’t have time to miss me before I reach out. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 14, 2020 at 9:14 pm

      Hey J, only you can decide to move on or try to get your ex back. When you’ve made your decision on either I am more than happy to help you through either path

  6. Avatar

    “It’s over”

    January 5, 2020 at 1:02 pm

    Hi,
    Me and my boyfriend we’re together for a year and a half. We had a really good relationship and when he went into the army training, I stood by him and supported him so much. Then in October we had a row and he was like “I need space” I couldn’t get to grips with it so I done the who begging and pleading (which i know was wrong), he said we just argue to much, were not happy and he doesn’t see us working as a couple in the future. I was devestated, I tried everything I could think of. We still continued to meet, I went a week nc and then we ended up sleeping together etc then after he turned round and said we should just be friends. It carried on from October – December.. he said that he was willing to see what there was left for us and that i could change his mind.. we’ve been arguing and going round in circles because I’ve just been losing my mind. Anyway. He ended things with me properly on Christmas Eve. . Just said that we don’t work. Also that if we were to date other people it might make us realise what we have.. I was against this to be honest as I feel like he may be going through the *grass is greener* stage.
    New Year’s Eve he text me saying he hopes we can be the happy people we once were and he never wanted this but nothing can be done about that now. He knew I was out and he knew it would upset me. I got him to come and pick up his things and have told him that I love him and if he ever changes his mind about us or has any regrets then to let me know.. “hopefully I’ll still be around but I need to move on with my life” currently on day 3 again of no contact. We had such a good relationship and just hit a few bumps towards the end which he can’t see past, doesn’t help he has friends in his ear either.
    He’s been out with friends. Partying, I asked if there was another woman when he broke it off and he said absolutely not but he will be on the hunt and possibly already chatting to a few girls who were on the back burner. So what now? I’m going to go the 30 days, post happy photos (but then thats what he wants.. for us to both be happy again) just think he’s delusional. Left things nice, door open approach but know I need to move on with my life. Do you recommend longer than 30 days? I’d like him to break contact 1st when he realises what we had was so good.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 8, 2020 at 9:51 pm

      Hey so him saying he wants us both to be happy then you need to take into an account that he is trying not to look like the “bad guy”. So yes he wants you to be happy, but if you are looking happier than he is, then he is going to question how you are doing so well and why. Like we have said, after a break up the guys seem happy so quickly while we cry and morn the relationship. But as we start to feel better, the guys realise they’re not as happy as they thought. So make sure you working on yourself, be happy, become Ungettable and show this through social media. That way he is going to be interested in what is making you so happy all of a sudden. Then at the end of your no contact, (30 days is fine) you can reach out in a friendly way asking for advice or telling him about something exciting you have done, keeping conversation short where YOU end it

  7. Avatar

    Lola

    January 3, 2020 at 4:39 am

    To continue my older post on here My ex also contacted me on New Year’s Eve saying this
    “ Happy New Years babe,love you and Lola. Didn’t get to kiss you to start out this year but I got the next best thing.. kisses from my dog ”. I did reply back. Then the very next day He send me pictures of me and him took his dog to dog water park together. He know how much I love and am attached to his dog as a puppy. I didn’t say anything just liked the picture. I really think he misses me and I also missing him and it’s very painful. I’m not sure why he’s keep texting me when we agreed on no contact till next month. I miss him dearly and want to work it out but it’s very heart wrenching when he send pictures. I know he’s in pain but he was the one who left the relationship and now setting up the rules only on his way when he even said we should not talk till next month. He said he want to meet up and can’t wait to see me on a specific date. I just don’t know what to do

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 6:37 am

      Hey Lola so replying to all three comments in one here. I would complete a proper no contact where you do not respond to anything he is sending you. He wanted a break up, give him a break up! Set 30 days of no replying, reacting, watching anything he does. And in that time work on yourself and show on social media all the things you are doing with your life and he is missing out on because he is not with you anymore

  8. Avatar

    L.ola

    January 3, 2020 at 4:36 am

    So I’ve posted a long comment earlier about my ex friend and I broke up on 12/13/19, after being together 8 yrs (we have never lived together). When I went on no contact without not mentioning anything to him he texted me a couple days later and said he would like to talk to me on Christmas Day if that’s ok with me. It took me awhile to consider replying back to him but I though and decided telling him “yes sure.” Even though I wasn’t truly ready to speak to him yet. The reason for doing that was also to get a better closure of were we are and how we are going to plan this. Prior to that he kept on texting and calling me every 2-3 days after he said he won’t. Anyways, we talked on Christmas Day and he said that he thought about it and really want to try no contact. He every time he contacted me he had the feeling of the grief refreshen and missing and worrying about me and what I’m doing, and could not concentrate to work on his personal issues and self Improvement. He said our break up it’s been very though in him and he keeps on thinking about me, but after a few says he felt a little better, till he contacted me again. He started to miss me more and worry about me again. I told him I honestly was not ready to talk to him for at least another month because I also want to work on my self and Im still hurt. We chat about our other interests and then he sat he want us to get back together and meet me in person on Valentine’s Day (which is also my birthday), after the No Contact period is over. A month and half from the day we spoke. He said think about it as a long distance relationship or if he was going to a war and we couldn’t talk to each other for almost a month and half.He said the reason he broke it off was not the relationship itself but he felt like he needed to work on himself, (find a job dealing with his severe depression and self improvement) and that I should work on myself and self improvement as well till then. He said not to contact him which I won’t. I’ve already deleted his number, so if wants to contact me he can but I won’t urge yo do so. He said he’ll contact me closer to the date we set of meeting up feb 14th, and plan where to meet and etc. he said he loves me and never loses feeling we had for 8 yrs. and he won’t believe if I loose my feeling for him just because I don’t get to see or speak to him till then, and if I do he’s willing to take the risk to improve himself for a better future. He also said we’re getting back together and we don’t have to meet new people as for dating but just as a connection for new career opportunities or new friendship. He also added he can’t wait to see me in February and find about my self improvement and changes in life. I agreed but then I’m debating if I should give him hard time or not. I told him the whole purpose of this break is not only to miss the other person, but to find your self and understanding you don’t need the other person but you really understand their VALUE better and WANT them to be part of your life. He agreed and I’m glad we talked and set boundaries. My only question is what do you think about this … will he start self improving himself for a month and half or he just say that wishing I forget about him? Should I wait for him? I always trusted on what he said, because he always did what he said. He also contacted me on New Year’s Eve saying this
    “ Happy New Years babe,love you and Lola. Didn’t get to kiss you to start out this year but I got the next best thing.. kisses from my dog ”. I did reply back. Then the very next day He send me pictures of me and him took his dog to dog water park together. He know how much I love and am attached to his dog as a puppy. I didn’t say anything just liked the picture. I really think he misses me and I also missing him and it’s very painful. I’m not sure why he’s keep texting me when we agreed on no contact till next month. I miss him dearly and want to work it out but it’s very heart wrenching when he send pictures. I know he’s in pain but he was the one who left the relationship and now setting up the rules only on his way when he even said we should not talk till next month. He said he want to meet up and can’t wait to see me on a specific date. I just don’t know what to do.

  9. Avatar

    Lola

    December 30, 2019 at 5:27 pm

    So I’ve posted a long comment earlier about my ex friend and I broke up on 12/13/19, after being together 8 yrs (we have never lived together). When I went on no contact without not mentioning anything to him he texted me a couple days later and said he would like to talk to me on Christmas Day if that’s ok with me. It took me awhile to consider replying back to him but I though and decided telling him “yes sure.” Even though I wasn’t truly ready to speak to him yet. The reason for doing that was also to get a better closure of were we are and how we are going to plan this. Prior to that he kept on texting and calling me every 2-3 days after he said he won’t. Anyways, we talked on Christmas Day and he said that he thought about it and really want to try no contact. He every time he contacted me he had the feeling of the grief refreshen and missing and worrying about me and what I’m doing, and could not concentrate to work on his personal issues and self Improvement. He said our break up it’s been very though in him and he keeps on thinking about me, but after a few says he felt a little better, till he contacted me again. He started to miss me more and worry about me again. I told him I honestly was not ready to talk to him for at least another month because I also want to work on my self and Im still hurt. We chat about our other interests and then he sat he want us to get back together and meet me in person on Valentine’s Day (which is also my birthday), after the No Contact period is over. A month and half from the day we spoke. He said think about it as a long distance relationship or if he was going to a war and we couldn’t talk to each other for almost a month and half.He said the reason he broke it off was not the relationship itself but he felt like he needed to work on himself, (find a job dealing with his severe depression and self improvement) and that I should work on myself and self improvement as well till then. He said not to contact him which I won’t. I’ve already deleted his number, so if wants to contact me he can but I won’t urge yo do so. He said he’ll contact me closer to the date we set of meeting up feb 14th, and plan where to meet and etc. he said he loves me and never loses feeling we had for 8 yrs. and he won’t believe if I loose my feeling for him just because I don’t get to see or speak to him till then, and if I do he’s willing to take the risk to improve himself for a better future. He also said we’re getting back together and we don’t have to meet new people as for dating but just as a connection for new career opportunities or new friendship. He also added he can’t wait to see me in February and find about my self improvement and changes in life. I agreed but then I’m debating if I should give him hard time or not. I told him the whole purpose of this break is not only to miss the other person, but to find your self and understanding you don’t need the other person but you really understand their VALUE better and WANT them to be part of your life. He agreed and I’m glad we talked and set boundaries. My only question is what do you think about this … will he start self improving himself for a month and half or he just say that wishing I forget about him? Should I wait for him? I always trusted on what he said, because he always did what he said. He also texted me yesterday said “ We got the xmas card.  Thanks babe!  Both you and Lola are looking great in the pics.  I grabbed the card before Loki could rip it up lol“ he also send me pictures of his dog Loki because he know I love his dog like he is mine.

  10. Avatar

    Rhea

    December 26, 2019 at 4:22 pm

    Hi,

    My boyfriend and I met two months ago. He is 10 years older. Our relationship from the get go was so calm and mature and perfect that he told me he loved me a month later. Until about 2 weeks ago, everything was perfect. He texted me every morning and we stayed in touch, hung out, got to know each other. He has talked to me about marriage, children, our families, etc. But about two weeks ago he started to phase out. He still texted me every morning, but his messages became less and less frequent, to the point that all I got from him was the morning message. When I asked him why that is, he answered that he is extremely busy with work, holiday season obligations, etc. Long story short, I made a mistake of turning into the nagging “don’t you love me anymore” and “did you meet someone else” girlfriend, all via texts. For two days I sent him outbursts of messages clearly showing my mood swings. Until I finally wrote that I understand what I’ve done. he wrote back and thanked me for acknowledging. Afterwards, though, not much changed, he went back to one message per day thing. I hung on for a week, but then brought it up again. The reason I did that was because holidays were nearing and I wanted to plan something romantic for our first celebration together. But it didn’t seem as important to him. I bought his gift a while ago. So 3 days before Christmas I dropped it off at his door step. I thought this would be a fun ice-breaker, so to say. I texted him and told him there is a package waiting for him. He said he’ll get it when he’s back home. I stayed up all night waiting for a message, but he never even texted to even acknowledge receiving the gift. I texted him a day later, to which he wrote back with “yes love, i got it, thank you, i will call you later.” He never did. Christmas morning he texted me with “merry christmas love,” and I wrote back “merry christmas” a few hours later. And that was it. So, long story short, we didn’t have the break-up conversation, he hasn’t talked to me about anything that bothers him, but he phased out. There has been no communication since Christmas morning. At this point, I don’t know where we stand. I know I made a ridiculous mistake by being insecure and clingy, but I feel like I’ve done everything I could to fix my mistake, I even apologized. Maybe he considered me giving him that gift too needy, who knows. I love and care for him very much, but I’m starting to feel like I’m humiliating myself. It hurts. I gave him a gift and had to check back with him to get a “thank you.” Is this beyond repair?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 30, 2019 at 10:00 pm

      Hi Rhea, so if you want to get your ex back, you need to give it some time and go into a No Contact and work on yourself for 30 days read about the Ungettable girl. As your guy doesnt seem to be wanting to have the break up conversation with you hes just going to let it drift. So I think if you give him the space he will be forced to come to you to talk or you can reach out at the end of your NC as a friend and see what sort of reaction you get from him then

  11. Avatar

    Lola

    December 23, 2019 at 3:56 am

    Hello,
    My ex boyfriend and I ended on 12/13/19 due to his depression we also broke up back in June of this year but he wanted to be in contact and see me every weekend! And then we got back together midway which wasn’t sound like a break up. We both have different therapist and he also seeing a psychotherapist. He’s on meds and dealing with severe depression adhd and even taken TMS theraphy any how he flipped out on me on the phone conversation when we were trying to arrange something for the Weekend and I was being mad, so I told him “when we make plans we want to be on it” And said just make sure he doesn’t “F it up”. (He doesn’t work and live at his moms house and has a history of being late and not being able to wake up on time, miss appointments and lots of other issues due to his depression.)He got really mad and immediately, and told me “you know what, I’m done! I’ve never will speak with you again!” And hung up the phone! However, he came later on that night, to pick up something which he had left at my house last weekend, he didn’t want to talk and left. We chatted later that night and I explained I didn’t really mean it to say the thing I said “don’t F it up”. I was always by his side during hard time and supported him and showed him love and kindness. At first he said I wasn’t being supportive in as he has told me that he needed to work in his issues before coming back to the relationship by taking a break and I was pressuring him. I just wanted to say that he doesn’t communicate his feelings and doesn’t communicate the plans with me properly. Anyhow, the day after the break up he said he comes over to pick up another stuff from my house on tomorrow. Any he didn’t take everything which was at my house that day. He texted me in his reply “Thanks, I’m trying to stay positive and reading that last text proves to me the positive changes you’ve made with yourself but both of us have so much more to do. If you truly are supportive of what I’m saying, then prove it by doing the hard things…let me go. Forget about me and Loki (his 1.5 yrs old dog which we got as a puppy)Focus on yourself and the things I know you can achieve. Pour all of your heart,time, and energy into taking care of yourself and taking care of Lola(My dog). Do that, and I promise that I will check back in with you in 6 months to see how you’re doing and tell you how I’ve been doing and revisit this relationship. Most importantly though… Do those things for yourself and because you want to improve your life. We both love you two too. I know this will be hard, but I truly think this is for the best for both of us”. He Initiate the no contact then and I agreed and I said I can’t respect that. He texted me “ I know that it’s gonna be hard and hurt for both of us but thanks for respecting it. I wanted to text you last night to say how weird it felt not being with you on a Friday like I told my friends, but I was able to stop myself. I will call tmrw to plan a time to come by and get the sewing machine”
    “We are 100% on the same page. Please don’t even let the thought cross your mind that I am planning to replace you.. as lonely as it was last night, I don’t need or want anyone else in my life. If I’m lonely, I have my family and friends and best of all, Loki will always be there to comfort me as I know Lola will be there for you.love you“
    We didn’t talk till last Tuesday on 12/18 he texted me out of the blue
    “ Hey babe, hope you’re hanging in there.. It’s been very hard for me so far and I’m sure it’s the same for you. I just wanted to tell you to be on the lookout tmrw for Santa cause he should be dropping off something at your house . Love you”
    I’ve old him same here and my friend sent me a very good book that I’m reading to improve personality and self improvement.
    He responded “ Sounds like you’re doing well and that was nice of Alma… that book looks like it can be very helpful and I hope you read it! Let me know that you get what Santa brings you tmrw and if it’s damaged or anything”. He called me the next day and we talked and it turned out peacefully he said maybe we can slowly start talking once a week not pressuring each other of individual problems and eventually would like Ike to come see me once a week and eventually maybe a visit once a week.But it’s something we both need to think about and discuss to the therapist first. he would like me to send him a pictures of me and my dog Lola as a Xmas card. He broke the no contact by calling and texting me Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and on Friday he said this “ we are not supposed to be talking and I feel like I made a mistake calling earlier cause it’s barely been a week even though it was sort of an emergency about your period. Gotta have patience and discipline for this to work Thanks for understanding babe.. not trying to be mean.“ since then I didn’t not replied or talked to him. I’m really confused as he broke the no contact rule after only 5 days and told me in the on the phone that he was going to text me and tell me on Saturday, Sunday a Monday that this whole breakup is way harder than he though. What does he expect me to do? Wait for him? I’ve known him since 2011 been together 5 years could you please give me some advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2019 at 7:32 pm

      Hey Lola, so if you were going to try to get him back then you can start with a No Contact and work on yourself during that time where you do not speak to him at all for a minimum of 30 days. When you are done with no contact you can reach out as a friend and try to reconnect as a friend first, hopefully by that time he has worked on himself with therapy to be in a better place to be with you. But you also need to be patient and understanding that he is going through some issues himself and that has nothing to do with you and the relationship.

  12. Avatar

    Annie

    December 17, 2019 at 10:29 pm

    Help.. 7yr relationship both in our 40s..live with our children in separate homes. I have ended relationship as the 10 hours a week we sprnt together isnt enough fo5 me anf i feel lonely when together due to his addiction to gaming on phone. We dont have a connection. He claims to love me but doesnt feel need to be intimate that much according to him. I want better for myself and after endless texts calls and me showing up at his trying to talk i feel completely unheard. Feeling hurt and frustrated as in beginning he showed someone i fell for. Day 4 of NC and doubt he even notices i havent been in touch. Wasting my time? Yoir input would br greatly appreciated. Too old for games. Thank you in anticipation.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 21, 2019 at 11:11 pm

      Hi Annie, so you did the right thing ending the relationship so that your ex knows that you were unhappy but I suggest during your no contact that you start dating, where you show him that you are looking for someone who is goign to give you what you want from a relationship. If he cares he will realise that he is going to really lose you and up his game to get you back. You can not make him change, or ask him to change, he has to want to change himself and want to do that long term too so make sure he is committed to making it work, look for a local couple therapist to help you get through the hard times if you do get back

  13. Avatar

    Anonymous

    December 17, 2019 at 2:48 pm

    I tried to post a comment but it seems like it didn’t publish?

    I wanted some advice because I feel like I may have initiated the no contact rule incorrectly. My ex fiancé and I broke up at the end of september (his choice). He said he hasn’t been happy for awhile. We lived together at the time so of course emotions were high and a lot of begging happened because I wanted to work it out. Before I moved out he said he was having second thoughts and that he loved me. I moved out in November… we talked everyday and we had dinners weekly. I was thinking things were headed in a good direction for us. However, the last dinner we had which was last Friday on our way home he had his GPS up and I glanced over and it and saw that he just got a notification from a girl on a dating website. I was obviously upset so I said “Oh you are on a dating app?” and he was like “yea I’m single”. I was just confused after all of our interactions and things he was saying to me (he even just bought me a snowboard for Christmas). So the remainder of the night we had some talks about the relationship… he was annoyed and he was like “I don’t even know if I want this I feel like you just moved out and I need time, I want you to be happy and move on and not feel like you are hanging on to hope”. We ended up watching a movie together on the couch and then I ended up leaving to go home. He texted me when I got home thanking me for dinner. I then replied saying you’re welcome. I then sent another text to him saying something along the lines of “Hey, I dont want you to think I am doing this out of hate, because it is far from that… but I need to remove you from my life so I can move on. This is the healthiest way for me to do it. I appreciate everything we have shared and only want the best for you. I care for you so much. Good luck. No need to reply its really okay.” He ended up replying saying he completely understands and that he hopes he can see me again when I am ready. He loves and cares for me so much and if I need anything he is a phone call away. I didn’t reply. The next night he drunk dialed me 6 times and I didn’t answer. We haven’t talked since that last text message. I just want some advice on if I started this no contact correctly… if the way I went about it was wrong… etc..

  14. Avatar

    Sue

    December 17, 2019 at 2:17 pm

    I am not sure if I “messed up” the way I began no contact. My ex and I were engaged planning our wedding which was this upcoming march. He broke up with me in September saying he was unhappy for awhile. We were living together at the time so of course there was a lot of emotions going on with begging and hoping to work things out. I finally found a new apt to move to in November. We were talking every day since I moved out and going out to dinners weekly. Well this past week we went out to dinner and on the car ride home I saw he got a message from someone on a dating app while he had his gps up. I of course said “oh you are on a dating site now?” (I felt hurt because we have been talking every day and there has been mention of him possibly wanting to work things out later). He immediately said he is single and bored which is why he is on that dating app. This led to another argument and him saying he doesn’t even know if he wants this relationship and he feels like I just moved out. He then said I should be happy and try to move on and not wait around. We ended the night by watching a movie at his place then I left. He texted me thanking me for dinner and it was delicious. I responded with your welcome. The I sent another text saying something along the lines of “Hey, I just want you to know I am not doing this out of hate, because it is far from that… but I need to remove you from my life in order for me to move on in a healthy way if this is not what you want right now. I appreciate everything we have shared and I care about you so much. I only wish the best for you. good luck, no need to respond its really okay”. He ended up responding saying that he understands and that he hopes that he can see me one day when I am ready and that he loves and cares for me so much and if I ever need him that he is a phone call away. That was on Friday and I haven’t talked to him since. He drunk dialed me six times on Saturday but he has been silent since. Just looking for some guidance here. Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 22, 2019 at 4:02 pm

      Hi Sue I have answered you previously I’m sure and I still say you need to do a No Contact, a full 30 day one. Where you work on yourself and spend some time to become Ungettable. Do not meet up with him until you have completed a full no contact and even then you need to spend some weeks texting and getting to know each other as a “new you” impression building up to a meet up naturally

  15. Avatar

    A confused dumpee

    December 12, 2019 at 5:03 pm

    Hi there!
    I left a comment previously but it seems as though it wasn’t published.
    I was seeing this really great guy for about 7 months. We’ve known each other longer. We were really happy until his ex, whom he shares a child with, came into the picture. She called me and ordered me to stay away from him. Prior to this, we had spoken about what would happen if something such as this were to happen. He said how much it would hurt him if he had to end things with me in order to prevent the mother of his child from keeping his daughter away from him. When she called me, I had a massive argument with her which caused him to break up with me. I was hurt. In result to this, I blew up his phone with angry texts and calls. I immediately blocked his number thereafter. I was mad that he didn’t stand up for us. It’s been 2 months since the incident. I don’t know if he tried to reach out during that period of NC. I recently saw him at his place of work where he was staring at me while talking to his colleagues. I am eager to reach out to him as I miss him alot. During the NC, I realised how much he meant to me. What was going through his mind when he saw me in person again after 2 months, does he miss me too? How do I get the courage to talk to him again and hopefully start over as friends? Please help me 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 7:56 pm

      Hey There I remember your post and I also remember replying to it, it may have just got lost in the 100s. So hopefully you see this one. Now what you need to do is unblock him, and reach out in a friendly way. Another thing you need to do this time is not argue with his ex, let him deal with her its none of your business to be talking with her when you are not in a long term relationship. If you were to become a thing and then he wanted to be with you then she is within her right to know what sort of person you are as her child would eventually be around you. It sounds as if the ex isnt over him or does not want him to move on for whatever reasons. But you need to understand that it is his business not yours, so if you have her calling you or texting you, let him know and let him deal with it you can easily block her from giving you grief

  16. Avatar

    Lilato

    December 12, 2019 at 3:21 pm

    My boyfriend has a gf now,he still keeps in touch but the current gf found out about and sent me nasty messagers,I stil love him and he says he loves me to and wants to be with me but that girl has been there for him since we’ve broken up.its been 7 months since we broke up but he never stopped asking that we fix things between us..wil going in the NC bring him back to me or wil it make him and the current gf get closer.we dated for 6years

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 7:15 pm

      Hi Lilato so you definitely need to consider what your ex is doing here he is telling you one thing and he is more than likely telling her another. You need to decide if he is who you want to be with, if he is then you need to do the being there method where you make the new girlfriend feel like a threat but you need to not argue with her, or fall out with him over her either. You also need to start dating so that if your ex feels you are moving on from him and maybe meet someone else it will force him to decide between you and the new girl.

  17. Avatar

    comfused_bunny

    December 9, 2019 at 12:20 am

    Hi there!
    I was seeing this amazing guy for about 6 months, we’ve known each other for longer. Before we became official, we were amazing friends who would talk on the phone all the time. Also, before we became official, I knew the fact that he has a baby with someone prior to meeting me. I continued to date him because I love kids, he never made me feel as though I was competing with his ex and kid, and I loved him too, still do. Recently, the mother of his child reached out to me and told me to stop seeing him. I was frustrated. I told him about it but before we could meet up to discuss what our next move would be, her and I got into a huge argument which resulted to him being mad at me and he decided to end things with me. He also told me that he never wanted to. He had always made his intentions known to me, such as how he wanted us to be together for a long time and hoped this is more than just a fling, reminded me how much it would hurt him if he ever had to leave me for the sake of his family’s expectations, how much it always made him smile hearing the sound of my voice. He said he had forgiven me for the argument I had with her, but a few days after the incident, I decided to call him. He heard my voice and hung up. I was so confused because I had thought he had forgiven me for acting irrationally. I was so hurt that I blew up his phone with phone calls and texts that were hurtful and that I didn’t mean because I felt as though he needed to sit his family down as a man and tell them he has moved on and is now with another woman which was me. Sure, 6 months is too soon to introduce me to family but we both had the intention of making our relationship long term. I was mad at the fact that he didn’t stand up for our relationship. I decided to break all contact immediately. I blocked his number from calls and texts so I don’t know if he has tried to reach out. It’s been over a month and I decided to unblock his number in hopes of him contacting me. I am afraid to break the “no contact” because of the texts I sent to him when I was angry and I recently saw him at his place of work. I was with some friends and I looked extremely happy as I wanted to give him the impression that I was “living my best life” after the break up. He was staring at me the entire time. My friends also confirmed this. He never approached me but he just stood there, staring at me. I always knew how much he loved me by the way he looked at me. Seeing him again made me realize how much I miss him and how happy he made me feel. His colleague approached me and asked me if I had still been working at the previous place I worked at. I told him, “no” and he made a snarky comment about me moving on too fast. My friends and I think the comment had a double meaning and meant for the pun to be intended as a reference to me moving on from my ex too fast. What should I do? How do I break the no contact and at least try to be friends again? What was going through his head when he saw me after more than a month of “no contact”? Is he still mad at me for the angry texts I sent and me fighting with the mother of his child?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 14, 2019 at 9:32 pm

      Hey there, so I cant really tell you what was going through his mind seeing you 100% but if you looked good, happy and confident then he would more than likely be wondering what you are doing with your life right now so making sure your social media looks good is important after him seeing you. And as for being angry fighting with the ex. Thats something you are going to have to avoid doing if you and he are to develop into something again. If you have done no contact and want to get this guy back you are going to have to reach out but make sure you are doing so with a text that Chris explains in his articles and YouTube videos

  18. Avatar

    Aastha

    December 7, 2019 at 11:50 am

    Hi. Our relationship was perfect. However due to circumstances I had to leave the country and we couldn’t stay in touch for almost 2 years. He was really angry and wouldn’t talk to me. Now that I am back. I tried to call him twice. I apologised for leaving him however he wouldn’t forgive me. He declined my proposal of friendship. The next time I called him, I told him that I love him and I really miss him. It’s been 4 years since we talked that way. He listened but did not say a single word. I know he loves me a lot. What should I do ? Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 8, 2019 at 9:51 pm

      Aastha, you have been broken up a long time and not spoken in a long time so to come back and be very emotional and expect him to be open to this is not realistic, you need to approach this as if you were getting to know someone new. Things change over time, so within 4 years can mean he could be a totally different person, you need to approach him as a friend that you have not spoken to in a while

  19. Avatar

    Mia

    December 7, 2019 at 2:32 am

    I’m in need of advice , my ex & I have been on & off since I was 20 , I’m 26 & hes 27. Our relationship has always been long distance but in May of this year we gave it another try after not speaking for close to a year (I blocked his number & social media) . Things were going really well , we motivated one another & started planning a more serious future. I even took time off of work to visit him for 2 weeks , shortly after this he brought up the idea of me moving there for a short period of time so he could sell his house & then we would move back to my home state of California. We always bicker & make up until yesterday, he had been urging me to put in my notice at work so I could move with him & help with his business, we went back & fourth about when I was would go almost daily. I understand the stress he has running a business & trying to sell his house but I felt he was taking all his stress out on me. For the past few days when we would argue I didn’t like the way he was speaking to me , so yesterday (12/5/19) we argued one again about me putting in my notice. At this point I felt he wanted me out there to help him with his business since his employee is leaving . Our normal routine is me waking him up at 5:30 his time since I am already at work . During our morning phone call he asked when my last day of work would be. After going back & fourth I became annoyed with the way he was wording certain things so I snapped & told him to quit speaking to me like I’m the help. He took offense to what I said & we ended our conversation. He text me hours later saying if that’s how I feel I can stay in California & not to be with him , when I told him I put my notice in he switched up & basically told me that I don’t need to be with him if he makes me feel less than what I am . I stopped responding so the argument wouldn’t be one that we can’t go back from. I wait a few hours & finally text him back speaking on the fact that I put in my two week notice & he decided to end things. He never responded & during the morning I didn’t call to wake him up like I always do. We haven’t talked all day(I haven’t reached out either) , I don’t know what he’s thinking , if he’s hurt , if he misses me & if this is the end of our relationship. I’m literally so hurt right now & i feel like this is really the end for us.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 9, 2019 at 4:43 pm

      Hi Mia, so it really depends on what happens going forward, if you want to get back together you need to start following the program and that starts with a No Contact, but you also need to learn about how to communicate in a long distance relationship

  20. Avatar

    Kelly

    December 6, 2019 at 4:05 am

    Hi, after no contact for 30 days my ex and I got into a huge fight about our relationship at a party. We were together for 7 months and he broke up with me. What should my next step be?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 5:38 pm

      Hi Kelly you need to go into another No Contact after your argument

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