It’s a question I get asked every single day.

“What is he thinking?”

Or if you want me to be more specific:

“Now that I am in no contact can you explain what is going on in his mind?”

I decided to put this guide together to put a rest to these questions once and for all. I am going to be attempting to explain everything I know about how men react to the no contact rule. If you aren’t familiar with my website then let me give you a quick breakdown of what I am all about.

Every single “guide,” I like to use the word guide to explain my posts/articles because it sounds more authoritative, anyways, every single guide I have ever written is very long and in-depth and this particular guide will be no different. Some of the things I talk about may be hard for you to hear but at it’s core it will come from a place of truth.

In the end, I subscribe to the theory that in order for me to best help you get your ex boyfriend back you need to see the entire picture and that is what I am doing here with this guide, helping you see the parts of the picture you are missing.

(Side Note: If you want a full accounting of the “big picture” that you are missing the best place for you to start is with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO my massive book detailing all of my best theories on how to improve your chances with your ex.)

Your Failure Of The No Contact Rule

Every single day I carve out an hour or two to answer comments and questions from the readers of this site.

At times I feel like a robot constantly repeating myself…

“Have you done NC?”

“Are you currently in NC?”

Some women will tell me that they tried the NC rule but failed after only 4 days. Others make it deep into “uncharted territory,” 10 days, before they fail.

I get it.

The no contact rule can be an extremely hard thing to complete. After all, I am asking you to essentially cut your ex boyfriend off for a full month. To be more specific, you can’t talk, text or respond to any type of communication from him.

(If you would like a full explanation of the No Contact Rule please visit this page or simply watch the video below,)

It’s funny to me that so many women fail at something SO CRUCIAL to get their ex boyfriends back.

I mean, if I told you that you would get a 100% success recovery rate if all you had to do was make it through 30 days without contacting your ex there would still be some women who would fail at not contacting their ex.

I liken it to a little kid being told “you cannot have that cookie.” The little kid knows that it is wrong to take a cookie from the jar but decides to do it anyways. Are you seeing the analogy yet?

You= the little kid.

Your ex= the cookie.

Now, lets take a look at WHY you keep reaching your hand in the cookie jar.

Whenever I write one of these guides I tend to do a lot of outlining and research. However, when I asked myself a simple question “why is it that so many women keep breaking NC?” I didn’t have to look very far for the ansewr. In fact, if you are a constant reader of this site then you won’t have to look very far either. A simple viewing of the comments should give you a pretty clear picture.

Oh, I broke NC because I didn’t want him to think less of me…

I didn’t know what he was thinking and it was driving me nuts…

I am afraid he will lose interest in me…

What if he runs off with some other girl…

With all of the concerns listed above what is the one constant?

While I admit there are many constants in the concerns above the correct answer I am looking for lies in a simple truth. Any woman who implements a no contact rule is uncertain about what is going on in her exes mind.

Therein lies the foundation on which this guide was built, helping you to better understand what goes on in your exes mind so YOU can succeed with the no contact rule!

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Understanding Men During NC

It doesn’t take a genius to tell that men and women are very different creatures.

Men, much more physical, tend to lack when it comes to social situations.

Women, much more social, tend to lack when it comes to physical situations.

This is an interesting view to take when you look at our species as a whole. It explains why men need women and women need men. However, it also explains why we get our wires crossed so often.

I am a man. I understand how they think. I understand why most of my peers do the things they do. This puts YOU in a very unique position because I am spreading all of our dirty little secrets. Every single one I want to give you access to so you can better understand us.

To be more specific, I am going to be talking about how a man can possibly react (and what he will think) when a woman implements a no contact rule on him.

The first thing I need to teach you has to do with the differences in men.

Men Are Different From Women

george carlin men vs women

Above I established that men and women are different creatures. Well, I would like to take that a step further and say that not all men are the same. For example, what I find attractive in a woman another man may not.

One of my best friends springs to mind here. As two young single guys we often talk about one topic, women. I remember a few months ago my friend went on this rant about how he likes a particular “type” of woman. After his rant I chimed in and explained the type of woman I liked. In the end, we agreed to disagree but I think this little anecdote proves an interesting point.

What may be true for a lot of men may not be true for your man.

This is an important concept to understand because what I am about to explain next only exisits because of the “men are different from men” phenomenon.

When it comes to the no contact rule I have found that there are 7 main reactions and thoughts that men will have. Each reaction is different from the other in its own unique way. Now, I will eventually get around to explaining the “reactions” to you but first I need to teach you something else.

Whatever Reaction You Get Depends On Your Relationship

relationship meme

Above I established that each man is different in his own unique way. That concept will certainly have a “tie in” to the 7 different reactions I talk about later in this guide but if I am being completely truthful with you then I would say that what I am about to explain here is the single biggest factor into HOW your ex is going to react during the no contact rule.

I want you to think back to your old relationship.

Now, obviously your old relationship failed for some reason. Right now that doesn’t matter. Right now we are going to be looking at something far more valuable. Something I like to call the aftertaste effect!

What Is The Aftertaste Effect?

When I began writing Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I had a list that I put together designed to detail all of the best strategies that I found that worked to get an ex back so that I could put it in the book.

The aftertaste effect was one of those strategies.

Do you have a favorite candy?

I know I certainly do.

Whenever you eat a candy you are left with a certain aftertaste. It is that aftertaste that compels you to come back and keep eating that candy. For me the candy that has the best aftertaste is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. For some reason every time I eat one I end up eating two or three more.

Of course, candy is not good for you. Everyone knows that at a basic level and yet it is the aftertaste that compels us all to keep eating them.

Now, I want to ask you a question.

What kind of emotional “aftertaste” do you think your ex boyfriend was left with after the two of you broke up?

One thing I can tell you for sure is that YOU were left with a good aftertaste. I mean, here you are reading this far down the page because you are hungry for another relationship with your ex. (I will stop with the puns.) But I really want you to think hard and try to put yourself in your exes shoes. What kind of taste do you think he was left with?

Good or bad, whatever his aftertaste is will cause him to react a certain way to the no contact rule.

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The 7 Reactions From Men During No Contact

Through a lot of trial and error I’ve learned that there are typically seven reactions that men will have during a no contact rule.

How did I come by this data you wonder?

Two ways actually!

The first is relatively simple, I coach A LOT of people one on one.

The second is actually through our private Facebook Group that we have for women going through breakups. Right now the only way to gain access to this private resource is by first reading Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. We find that if we just let anyone in the results aren’t great. However, if I require them to read PRO first then they tend to do a lot better in the group.

But I am getting way off topic.

In this section I am going to outline each of the ways and give an in-depth explanation for what is going on in his head during the reaction. Now, while you are reading about each reaction I want you to keep in mind that I will be referencing the aftertaste effect a lot. So, make sure you have a grasp of it before you read on.

Lets stop talking and start listing.

  • Reaction 1- The Frantic Caller
  • Reaction 2- The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer
  • Reaction 3- The Stubborn Guy
  • Reaction 4- The Clueless Guy
  • Reaction 5- The Scared Guy
  • Reaction 6- The Mid Caller
  • Reaction 7- The Angry Guy

Confused? Don’t worry, as always I will explain.

Here’s how this is going to work. You and I are going to play roles in each of these seven reactions.

You are going to play my ex girlfriend (who is using a 30 day no contact rule on me.) Of course, I am going to be playing your ex boyfriend and plan to give you insight on each of my reactions. Lets get started!

1. The Frantic Caller


This is an amusing reaction from a man. I remember when I first created this site I really thought that women who implemented the no contact rule would see this particular reaction from men but the truth is that not as many men have this reaction as I thought.

What is a “frantic caller?”

Frantic Caller- A man who will call “frantically” a few days after NC has started. He will eventually get the hint and stop calling. However, deep in his mind he will always want to hear from you.

So, here is how this situation would work if you and I were the “actors.”

You would use the no contact rule on me. Of course, I wouldn’t realize it until I sent you a few text messages that you don’t respond to. Now, lets hit the pause button and talk about this. Personally, the more I care about someone the more I care about getting a response to a text message.

For example, if I am texting a friend I really don’t mind if my message is not responded to immediately (or at all.) However, on the flip side if I am texting a girl that I have a major crush on or an ex girlfriend (like you 😉 .) I am going to care about getting a response. So, when I send you a text message and you don’t respond to it I am going to start to get agitated.

This agitation is going to lead to me sending more messages down the road or possibly calling you out on why you are not responding to me with a message like this:

“Oh, so you are just ignoring me now?”

At this point you are going to be tempted to respond to me. In a way, I am testing you to see if you will engage with me. This is a classic “guilt trip.”

Of course, every time I send a message that you don’t respond to I am leaving myself vulnerable. This ties directly into the push/pull method that I described in this guide. Basically, the more you ignore me the more likely I am to show you attention. However, the more you send attention my way the less likely I am to give you that attention back.

Usually, after a certain amount of texts are un-responded to I will start calling you frantically. Of course, since you are in a strict NC rule you will be ignoring all of my calls. While it may take a while I will finally get the hint and stop calling which will lead me to ignore you completely.

This is where I want to hit the pause button again.

It’s this ignoring period (that I am doing to you) that I really want to discuss. What is going on in my head during this time?

Firstly, lets look at the facts. I was basically a text gnat to you after I didn’t get my way (once you started ignoring me.) When I advise people I always tell them to try to look beyond the “words” that their ex says to them and look at the actions that their ex does. My actions here, once NC was done by you was to spam you with text messages and phone calls. That fact alone means that I still have interest in you, that I still care about you.

Now, once I start ignoring you it isn’t because all of a sudden I “hate” you, it’s because I finally got the hint that you don’t want to talk to me. Most women who visit this site get very scared during the “ignoring” period by their ex. They think he will “move on” or that he will “find someone else.”

In my experience that doesn’t happen at all. I may try to convince myself that I “don’t like you anymore.” Heck, I may even mouth off to a few of my friends that I don’t want to be with you anymore but deep down that isn’t true. Deep down I am just insecure about being alone and I want to hear from you badly.

I have actually experienced this phenomenon myself before. I like to call this the fake reality phenomenon.

The Fake Reality Phenomenon

During my first breakup ever I experienced something very strange.

I am the type of guy that can sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve. It can be my biggest advantage but also my biggest downfall.

During my first breakup it was definitely my biggest downfall. This particular breakup stands out in my mind because of how nasty it was. It wasn’t nasty from her end it was nasty from my end and I think it all came down to the insecurity I felt from being alone.

Anyways, I did the “ignoring dance” for a long time with her. In fact, I remember the very first day of the breakup I convinced myself that life was better and for a while it was. I had this feeling of being free but eventually the breakup caught up with me and I had to create this fake reality for myself where I did my best to put on this facade that I was great when deep down all I wanted was to talk to my ex.

This is essentially what the fake reality phenomenon is. It’s this weird reality that an ex will create for himself during the no contact rule to tell himself that life is better without you but deep down all he really wants is to talk to you.

2. The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer

This reaction is very similar to the one above. Before I really dive in here let me give you a brief explanation of what this actually is.

Frantic Caller Turned Ignorer- A man who will frantically call after NC but will get so angry that you are ignoring him that he won’t call you again.

A perfect example of this is one of my clients who actually did get her ex back and was kind enough to come onto my podcast and do a podcast episode detailing her experience with no contact starting at 4:35,

This can be a pretty depressing reaction to get. Here is how this will break down if you and I were the “actors” in this play ;).

Just like before, you are going to implement the no contact rule on me and just like before I am going to become a text gnat by sending you a lot of different text messages and phone calls. Here is where the main difference will come into play, instead of me ignoring you (but wanting to hear from you) I am going to be ignoring you out of anger.

Let me dive a little deeper into the male thinking here.

Above I talked about how the more I care about a person emotionally the more I care about a text message response. This is an important nugget of knowledge to grasp for this reaction because it really goes down to the core of why an ex may potentially ignore you out of spite.

Look, no one likes to be flat out ignored. That fact alone is why the no contact rule is such an effective method. However, there will always be a certain portion of men that REALLY don’t like being ignored. These are the types of men that will take you ignoring them very personally. So personally in fact, that they will ignore you out of anger and spite just to “get back at you.”

Again though, lets really look at the facts. Anyone who frantically calls you definitely has an interest in you (or at least wants to know what you think.) So, while they may take your ignoring personally you have to wonder if deep down (beyond that anger) they still really want to hear from you.

I am a glass half full kind of guy so I choose to look at it like this: men who take being ignored personally will want to get back at you. However, deep down they just have this really thick “fake reality” wall built up to protect themselves from being hurt.

Remember when I was telling you that story about my very first breakup being really bad?

Well, the “frantic caller turned into ignorer” was the exact reaction that I had to the breakup. You see, my ex didn’t do a no contact rule on me but for a week we didn’t talk and I was definitely a text gnat and call gnat. Of course, after she ignored me I ignored her out of spite and created that “fake reality” to convince myself that everything was ok.

“Psssttt… want to hear a secret?”

Deep down I wanted to talk to her so bad but I was too stubborn to do so.

Speaking of stubborn!

3. The Stubborn Guy

“He is just so darn stubborn… I can’t get him to do anything I want.”

I can’t tell you how often I hear women say this to me when they talk about their ex. Unfortunately, it is a common problem. But how does that problem manifest itself in no contact? Firstly, I would like to explain exactly what the “stubborn guy” is.

The Stubborn Guy- This is a reaction that a certain man will have during the no contact period. Typically, they have the “she will have to call me first attitude.” In other words, they are too stubborn to even want to reach out during the no contact rule.

I have a feeling that a lot of women are going to be interested in this.

It is your greatest fear after all, having an ex NOT contact you at all during a no contact period. I want to explore this so you can truly understand what your ex is thinking. First though, lets get our two favorite actors to act this scenario out ;).

As always, you are going to initiate the no contact rule. However, this time I am not going to contact you. In other words, what we have here is a no contact rule stand off. Obviously, this is not what you want to have happen but the fact of the matter is that some men will react this way to the no contact rule. There are a complex range of emotions that go on here so I am going to be dividing this overall category into multiple sections. First, I would like to start with one of our favorite terms, the aftertaste effect.

The Aftertaste Effect

What is stubbornness? Perhaps more to the point, what is the definition of a stubborn person?

Stubborn Person- Someone who refuses to change their mind about something.

Why am I going into this? Well, I want to make it clear that just because someone is a stubborn person that doesn’t mean that it is impossible to change their mind. It just means you have to know how to deal with them. Lets turn our attention back to the aftertaste effect.

An ex who has the “stubborn guy” reaction to the no contact rule will have it because of the aftertaste they have of your previous relationship. For example, if I thought back to our (you and I’s) fake relationship and only thought bad things about it I would most likely have this mindset:

“I never want to talk to her again.”

Me having that thought about you is probably your greatest fear when it comes to getting me back. Of course, the thing YOU have to remember is that it is possible to change my mind. This is where your discipline comes in with the no contact rule.

The “Victim” Attitude

I would say that I can be a stubborn person when it comes to breakups. How do I know this? Well, because I lived it!

I think stubborn men as a whole adopt two specific mindsets when they are put in the no contact rule. I want to use this section to describe the first mindset.

There is a certain allure to being the victim. I mean, think about it. You get sympathy from everyone if you are a victim. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. When I read the comments and inquiries I get from readers every day I feel bad for some of the women I communicate with. ME feeling bad for you usually means that I am on your side!

How does this apply to stubborn men you ask?

Stubborn men during no contact want to be adored by their exes. If it was up to them they would have you calling them 20 times a day while they ignore you so they can show you “who’s boss.” Only you aren’t going to do that. You are a strong, independent and disciplined woman who isn’t going to break NC.

This is really NOT what they want. The fact that YOU aren’t begging them like you should be is going to agitate them and make them feel like the victim…

Yes, you read that right THEY are going to feel like the victim even though in the grand scheme of things they aren’t one. It is a really warped way of looking at things, I’ll admit, but you wanted to know about mens minds right?

The “She Has To Call Me First” Attitude

This is an attitude that I have personal experience with.

I remember during a breakup that I was so stubborn that I actually told myself “she has to call me first if she wants to talk to me.” You see, I, like most men, have a very warped way of looking at things. Every time I talk to a woman that I am dating or a woman I am interested in I look at every single interaction as a power struggle. This is especially true when it comes to who texts who first and who calls who first.

(I know, it’s really messed up isn’t it? I think it is just a guy thing.)

Anyways, having an ex call you first, if you are a stubborn guy, is like winning a game. If she calls you first you think to yourself “yup, I have her eating out of the palm of my hand.” Of course, if she doesn’t call you first then you begin to think that you are a “victim.”

In the end it all ties together.

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4. The Clueless Guy

Ah.. the clueless guy! Just a word of warning this section is going to be a bit shorter than the rest of the “reactions” during the no contact rule. That is because the clueless guy reaction is rare. So, what is a clueless guy reaction?

The Clueless Guy- A legitimate reaction where your ex is entirely clueless throughout the no contact rule. Men like this tend to be socially awkward or don’t really sense that anything is wrong.

I understand that you may be a little confused at how this reaction will play out in real life. So, as always, lets let our two professional actors act this situation out ;).

You are going to start the no contact rule on me. Of course, I am clueless about the whole situation so I may contact you or I may not. It will depend on a number of factors. If I don’t it’s not because I am trying to “put you in your place” it’s just that I am clueless about the whole situation.

Part of the reason the no contact rule works so well is the fact that the party it is being done to will sense that something is wrong. This feeling that they get will create a range of emotions and eventually (sometimes subconsciously) show them how much their ex significant other really means to them.

So, this begs the question:

Will the no contact rule even work on someone who has a “clueless” reaction? Before we can answer that we need to study the psychology behind someone with a clueless reaction.

The Psychology Behind A “Clueless” Reaction

One thing I’ve learned over my years as a coach is that men who tend to be clueless are ones that don’t have a lot of experience in relationships.

You see, one thing I have learned about women throughout my life is they tend to drop these little hints when you talk to them. These hints are a way of testing you to see where you stand on a certain issue. How you react to the hint will dictate how they approach the situation in the future.

A clueless guy is the type of guy who will not pick up any hints at all. He is too clueless or wrapped up in his own world to.

For example, during the NC period a clueless guy will not sense that anything is wrong at all. Here is where things get interesting though. He may actually contact you during the no contact period (but at the same time he may NOT contact you.)

So, there are aspects of being frantic and stubborn in there but as a whole he will not get any of the hints you drop. He will just assume everything is ok. Again, I would like to reiterate that this type of guy is very rare. I would say that there is a 95% chance that your ex boyfriend is NOT going to have this reaction.

Will The No Contact Still Work?

A few sections ago I asked a simple question. Will the no contact rule work on someone who is “clueless” about it?

The answer is YES it still can work but not in the way you think.

The biggest misconception is that the no contact rule is only for your ex boyfriend. In fact, I would say that, that is only half the battle. The half that everyone seems to forget about is the effect that NC has on YOU.

Hmm… how can I best explain this?

Ok, getting an ex boyfriend back requires an interesting balance. You have to be hyper aware of your emotions. You need to know when you have to be logical and you need to know when you have to be emotional. If you can find the perfect combination between the two (remaining logical while using your emotions to tap into your exes emotions) you have a really good chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

Here is the problem though, without the no contact rule you really don’t have any chance to acquire the logical mindset you need. Post-breakup is when you are at your emotional peak and while emotions can be good sometimes in this case you are probably too emotional to talk to your ex. That is why the no contact rule is such a beautiful thing.

If you can get through NC it shows that you have the discipline to remain logical!

5. The Scared Guy

Have you ever wondered if your ex is too scared to talk to you? In this section we are going to be covering the range of emotions that will be going through an exes head who feels too scared to even make a move. First though, I would like to define “the scared guy.”

The Scared Guy- This is a reaction that is the exact opposite of someone who frantically calls or texts. It’s a reaction that a guy will have when he is too scared to make a move during NC. He isn’t ignoring you out of stubbornness. He is ignoring you out of fear.

Lets not beat around the bush here, women are scary.

I am not afraid to admit it either.. I AM AFRAID OF WOMEN.

Still, to this day, I get the shakes when I am talking to a beautiful woman. It’s not because I am afraid of her. I am more afraid of what she is thinking about me. Here is the ironic part about the whole thing. I bet that the girl that I am talking to is getting the shakes because she is afraid of what I think about her.

The point I am trying to make here is don’t think that just because your ex isn’t contacting you it means he is stubborn. It may be entirely possible that he is too scared to reach out for fear of messing up. You tend to see this a lot with an ex boyfriend who YOU broke up with. So, let me break the “scared guy” reaction down for you.

If YOU broke up with me and implemented a no contact rule then I would definitely be afraid to contact you because of the fear of rejection. This begs an interesting question:

If you know for a fact that your ex boyfriend is afraid to contact you then shouldn’t you just break the NC and reach out to him first?


Here is what could happen in the mind of an ex boyfriend throughout the entire process:

If you contact him first during no contact he is probably going to revert to the stubborn mindset of “oh ya! I got her to reach out to me first after SHE broke up with me.” After this happens you are basically at his mercy.

Are you starting to understand no contact now? Dealing with exes during it is almost like a game. The game is all about power and usually the person with the power is in the best position.

6. The Mid Caller

This is a reaction from exes that I see a lot when I communicate with women on this site. I really want to do a good job explaining this so I am just going to cut right to the chase.

The Mid Caller- A common reaction that you will get during the NC rule. Instead of frantically calling at the beginning of the no contact rule an ex who has this reaction will call just a few times during the middle of the no contact rule.

As always, we are going to let our two favorite actors act out this scene for us so we have a better grasp of how this is all going to go down.

You are going to start the scene by implementing the no contact rule on me. I am going to enter into a NC rule duel with you. However, midway through the duel I am going to lose my nerve and reach out to you. Lets hit the pause button and explore this for a minute.

In my mind there are two possible explanations for why an ex boyfriend will call you a few days in (5-8 days) or midway through a no contact rule (14-18 days.)

Explanation #1- He Is Totally Clueless

This explanation ties directly in to what I talked about before with the “clueless guy.” It’s pretty simple really. Your ex is clueless about the whole situation and has no idea that you are doing a no contact rule on him. As a result, he will reach out in the middle of the no contact period.

Of course, when you ignore the text he sends he is going to figure out really quickly that something is up. Once he figures this out just sit back and watch the craziness ensue!

Explanation #2- He Loses The NC Rule Duel

This is much more likely to happen.

Chances are, if you are doing the no contact rule immediately after a breakup your ex boyfriend is going to be thinking about you a lot. He may have a little bit of stubbornness in him in that he won’t want to be the first one to contact you. As a result of that stubbornness he will engage with you in a no contact duel.

Of course, somewhere down the road his curiosity of what you are up to and how you are doing is going to take over and he will just throw caution to the wind by essentially losing the “duel.”

If he does lose this duel it can tell you a few important things. Firstly, he is thinking about you a lot which we can assume means that he still has some deep emotional feelings for you. Secondly, he cares about what you think and finally, YOU have power over him!

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The Angry Guy

Lets face the facts here. Getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t meant to be easy. If it was, well, then this site wouldn’t need to exist. This final reaction is what I like to call the “angry guy” reaction. Lets take a moment and define it.

The Angry Guy- The type of reaction you can get when your ex wants nothing to do with you (and means it..) Therefore, during NC he would not reach out to contact you.

The angry guy reaction is really the reaction that is going to tie into the aftertaste effect the most out of any reaction listed throughout this guide. Lets say that during our fake relationship you were not exactly a good girlfriend. You cheated on me or did something that really upset me. If I broke up with you under those pretenses then the chances are high that I left the relationship with a really bad taste in my mouth. If that was the case, then I probably will not want to contact you during the no contact period.

Except there is something different about the angry guy reaction as opposed to the stubborn guy reaction.

You see, with the stubborn guy reaction I won’t contact you during NC but deep down I will still want to hear from you. The angry guy reaction is a step above that. It is when an ex boyfriend is so angry that he wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t even want to see or hear from.

As I already stated, a lot of the angry guy reaction is going to tie into YOUR choices during your previous relationship (a la the aftertaste effect.) Of course, there are some guys that are just plain jerks that don’t know how to handle a breakup and will exhibit this reaction.

Typically, the tell tale sign of an angry guy reaction is when your ex says some very hurtful things to your face repeatedly. The keyword in that sentence is “repeatedly.” You see, you can almost expect an ex to say mean things to you after a breakup but if he keeps saying them to you over and over again post no contact (and it becomes vicious and cruel) you may have brought out the “angry guy” from within.

So, I suppose the real question here is, is it possible to get someone back if they exhibit this reaction?

Can You Get An “Angry Guy” Back?

It’s possible. In fact, one of my best friends did it.

However, it is not easy.

It is going to take a lot of patience on your part and even then there are no guarantees. In the end, what it all boils down to is if you think your ex is worth it. Really take a good hard look at your previous relationship and ask yourself a simple question:

“do I want to do this again?”

3,817 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Tiffany Gross

    January 16, 2019 at 5:10 am

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend and I dated for about 3 years. We have lived together for the past year. I had a surgury on Dec 20th, and had complications so I didnt recover fully until the 31st. It was a really scary time for me. On the 29th he went out with friends to watch a football game and I texted something rude about how I hoped the team he was rooting for didnt win. I was really just hurt he wasnt spending time with me when I finally was starting to feel better. He never came home that night (his reason was he was drunk and a friend took his phone). I flipped out and kicked him out. He moved his clothes to that friends house to live. On the 31st I got the news I recovered from my surgury. I was so relieved and I begged him to see me. We met for drinks and I apologized. I begged him to spend the holiday with me and refused. I went hysterical. I called and called all through the 1st which he told me to stop. We texted intermittedly (according to your point system it’s really bad though- him 15 me 165). We saw each other on the Jan 13th and I baked him cookies, bought him a gift, paid for dinner, even ended up making out in the car and layed it all out for him. We talked about how according to the 5 languages of love I need more quality time and he needs more physical affection and words of affirmation. I begged and begged all night so emotionally promising to deliver on these things. It was horrible. He still ended it with he doesnt want to date me. Also said things like he hasn’t been happy for awhile, I didnt make him feel loved, and I was trying to change him. Hes more calm grounded and quiet where I am busy airy and talkative. Ultimately he doesnt think it’s going to work and he will never forget the pain. I think now that we have talked about it and communicated our needs in a relationship its repairable. However, he isnt interested. He knows I dont want to hear it and feels bad about hurting me but he is single going to start dating has downloaded and made a few profiles and is going to try and move on.

    So now that you have the back story. I am initiating NC as of TODAY Jan 15th.

    I know I messed up by begging (twice)- I was emotional. I know i messed up by not initiating NC immediately when he moved out on the 30th. I know i left a bad taste in his mouth. I think he is part clueless, part ANGRY, and part scared.

    Do you think I even have a chance? I’m going to do it regardless. I just want an expert’s opinion on if theres any hope that I’ll get him back. Or if the damage is done.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 17, 2019 at 1:42 am

      Always a chance Tiffany…but best to have a plan and since your NC is underway now, you are heading in the right direction. Be sure you understand though how the whole Program works. Pick up my eBook if necessary as it can crystallize in your mind how to proceed with all kinds of scenarios.

  2. Mary

    January 12, 2019 at 2:21 pm


    Me and my boyfriend broke up a week ago after being in relationship for 5 months!
    Everything was perfect and he always used to tell me I’m the one for him and he can’t live without me. I have to mention he was very sensitive and he used to get annoyed with things easily, we talked about it and I assumed it’s sorted. He always assumed I am going to leave him one day and he is scared to lose me but I was always assured him I won’t do that to you over small problems.Last afew week his attitude changed a little and he wasn’t caring about my feeling if I get upset as much as he used to, saying that he was still telling me he loves me.
    Last disagreement I felt I had enough of him being sensitive over everything and I texted him to finish the relationship. He replied that’s fine. Btw we were suppose to go on holiday together in two weeks times.
    After a day I was really upset and I decided to sort thing out but I found out he cancelled our holiday. I tried to contact him to see him he told me he made his mind and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He asked me to move on.he said we are different in many ways( I asked him did you realise that during our relationship or just after last fight) he replied I found out this after our last fight!
    I’m just shocked how can he change in two days, from someone who was so caring, loving me so much to someone brutal and cold hearted. How can he not forgive me?
    He doesn’t want to be with me anymore and all I’m thinking is about the good times we had!

  3. Jade

    January 11, 2019 at 9:17 am

    Hi Chris……
    I am really unsure if the no contact rule will work for me. The age gap between me and my partner was 18 years. He is 46 and I am 28. We was together for 7 Months and he ended things on new years eve, Saying he felt like we were brother and sister. And I never showed affection or acted like I was attracted to him. Which was not the case. He told me he wants a relationship with someone and start a family, as he is 48 and not got much time. However whilst we together he never spoke to me about the future. I was always unsure what he wanted. We always joked with eachother, and gave a lot of banter. And he always stated he dont do serious so early on in a relationship. So that caused me to back away from showing affection, because I didnt want to get hurt. However now it has ended I have realised that I wont actually protecting myself by doing that. I explained this to him after we broke up and he suggested we stay friends and can use this as an experience for future relationships. So in my head I am seeing him as being done and not wanting to give it another go. Would the no contact rule work on him? has he feels he is not got a lot of time. I am worried he had insecurities that he would give me his life, and in a few years i would trade in him for a younger man. Which was not the case at all. I feel we had such a connection, and never once did we have an argument or disagreement, We just clicked. And the age was no concern for me. Will me doing the contact rule, make him think he was right with his decision and that it shows I would be happier without him? We have spoke a couple times since we split. Just as friends and it has been very blunt on his side, and he usually reads a message and not respond. Almost like he is trying to keep things civil but not interested, in talking to me. He was also very close to my daughter and they had a great bond, and he has not questioned how I am or how the kids are. Which makes me think was the relationship just a lie. Did he not care about us as much as he said he did. I am just worried that the no contact rule will not work on someone who is older. Am i wrong?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 12, 2019 at 2:46 am

      Hi Jade….the NC rule has wide application. The principles, concepts, theories, strategies, and tactics associated with my Program apply to most everyone as many of the ideas are founded in psychology and lessons learned. Take a look at picking up one of my eBooks to better your chances.

  4. hanan

    January 7, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    i want to ask can i make the no contract when i am the one who stopped talking to him ? i decided to tell him i stop talking to him because i want him to learn a lesson not to repeat the same mistake
    it was wrong to do that ?
    shall i answer him in this case when he is messaging me ?
    and should i answer him normally or just few words to make him feel iam still sad ?

  5. Jay

    January 5, 2019 at 8:12 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My bf and I have been together for 2.5 years. In the beginning we had a great relationship however, overtime we grew apart for many reasons. He developed a drinking problem but really wanted to change to still be in this relationship and has been sober for a year. During his recovery I was diagnosed with a chronic disease where I was basically housebound for 9 months. I became bitter and angry due to my condition and I had tendencies to lash out at him when I didn’t feel supported. I had to move 12 hrs away from him to get support from my family. The distance, lack of communication and my anger drive us apart. He broke up with me because I made him so angry. I hurt him with my words when I was upset because I didn’t feel he was there for me when I was going through a difficult time with my health. I had been having thoughts of breaking up with him earlier but he was the first to break up with me. Rejection hurts a lot. I do still really love him and feel bad for how things turned out, I begged him to stay because I already felt so alone with my health problem. I don’t know if I can win him back he is very angry with me and said he needs space and time to heal. After our break up the next day I flew to his home town to apologize for my actions and hope he would change his mind. He said maybe one day we can try again but said I need to learn how to cope better with my condition and work on myself. I have started no contact and I know that I will be able to stick with it, I just really don’t know if it is too late for him and I?

  6. Sam

    December 31, 2018 at 9:49 pm

    Hi, this is a bit crazy but I dated a guy for around 6 months. We met and dated over the summer, when I had much more time, and was happier and less stressed, and had an amazing time getting to know each other. I’m a student getting a graduate degree and my schedule was and is pretty packed, something I warned him about when the semester started. He told me he liked me enough to try, despite the fact that being with someone with such a chaotic schedule was out of his comfort zone. My ex was also busy with work and projects but was actually hurt a lot but how little time I seemed to have for him. He tried to institute standing date nights, or hint at spending more time together, but gave up towards the end, especially as I was in finals. The last couple weeks were especially awful for him since we were seeing each other around once or twice a week. I didn’t know that it was so bad because he stopped asking me to hang out, so because I wasn’t rejecting plans of his, it felt like we were on the same page with my schedule being temporarily so busy. He informed me that he felt like he didn’t have the space/authority to reach out to me to ask me for time or my affection when he wished I was around. When he broke up with me he was really sad, and said that a part of him wanted to stay and try, but he only had the evidence of the the way the semester had gone to go off of, even when I made promises that I could make way more time for him in the following semester, offering to take fewer classes, and to work out a schedule/plan for communication. I love him and care for him more than anything, and didn’t realize how badly I was affecting him, and how alone he might have felt. I sent him a few messages after we broke up and he said he would respond to them when he had free time, but never did. I tried calling but he ignored the call. To me, this relationship is worth salvaging because besides the time issue, we were so great together. I can’t tell if he just needs space and time to think about it or if it’s really over. I don’t know how to show him that he will be a priority if he just gives me a chance.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 1, 2019 at 5:46 pm

      Hi Sam!

      It may very well be worth salvaging. You should consider implementing No Contact. I discuss this and other elements of an ex recovery plan in great detail in my eBook, “EBR PRO”. Visit my website’s home page as I have a ton of resources there for you to tap into!

  7. Bria

    December 31, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My BF and i of 2.5 years broke up right before the holidays because i want to get married and he is dragging his feet and giving me excuses but also saying that he really wants to do it. Its been a really emotional break up.
    I implemented NC the last day we spoke, which was Christmas morning. Its now NYE. He’s texted me several times since, things like “i love you” and “I miss you”.
    Last night texted me the longest text since implementing NC. “I’m still all about you, and want a future with you. I’m always thinking about you. Every minute. I miss you. You are the most amazing thing that happened to me. I’m dying to know whats going on in your head. I love you most.”
    Any advice…? Any feedback…?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 1, 2019 at 5:52 pm

      Hi Bria!

      OK, so he is still sweet on you, that is for sure. Reach out to him and you can text something like, “So sweet of you to reach out to me. I’m taking some alone time for myself to heal and improve and take stock of things. I need the space for now. Thought you should know.” This allows you to check in with him, yet also conveys to him you are still reflecting on these matters that are important to you. Perhaps in the near future, they will become more important to him.

  8. Joana

    December 29, 2018 at 6:55 pm

    Hello 😀

    I was in a long term relationship for 11 years. We were 4 years together and 7 years LDR. During those time, there were no single day that we never talk to each other (despite of huge gap in time differences). We both believed that it was a really strong relationship as every time we meet up after being a part physically for years, our bond doesn’t seem to change either. It was way beyond more happiness and felt that the distance has been all worth it.

    Long story short, that happiness made me very greedy, jealous and very toxic girlfriend. He then broke up with me 7 months ago but he insisted that we should stay in contact and I agreed. I was tearful, depressed and begged him which just made him pull away further more.

    On my birthday, he still showered me with surprise gift. A week after that, he messaged me that he wants to let me know that he will be starting dating someone. I was shocked but I accepted it and kept my distance. I was confused but I also want to give him his happiness even if that means getting myself out of his life.

    I stopped messaging him since then which was pretty damn hard as I got used in talking to him every single day in 11 years of my life I’ve been with him. A lot of times, he will initiate contact and we always make a tons of funny conversation. I thought that if I will only message him in response to his message that it will be okay, but I was totally wrong .

    A week later, I saw a picture of him and his new girl. I was very devastated. I ran out of words to say and I was glad to found out about your website. Since then, I started my NC.

    As to how my NC goes.. It’s been only a week since then. At first, I was just extremely wounded just seeing my ex with someone else. I lost appetite and I literally can eat that much. But despite that, I understand that I also have other responsibilities in life, that I have to keep moving forward despite the pain. I only give myself a chance to grieve at night or on my days off. I allow my self to cry in pain. To miss him. To just pray for healing. And I plan to continue doing this for 30 days. The last time he message me was when he greeted me merry Christmas and I just “seen” his message & hoping to continue my healing.

    The twist though is on February 2019, I’ll be going back to my hometown for 3 weeks vacation. My mind is still hoping that we can still meet up, go somewhere and laugh together just like the old times. But at the same time, I keep telling myself that I should take this 30 day detox to heal instead of getting excited of something that is somehow superficial. I need to meet him without any hatred and pain. I also need to accept the fact that he might be really in love with the new girl this time and I don’t want to act selfishly meeting up with him and hurting the other person.

    My question is, am I overthinking about this? I feel that Im distancing myself too much that makes the recovery way harder than what it should be. I really want to accept the reality, move on and heal properly so in the future, I will be more matured in facing my insecurities and fears.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 30, 2018 at 6:40 am

      Hi Joana…you probably are overthinking it, but that happens to us all when we are anxious and are going thru difficulty. You will heal because you are a gem of a person and good things happen more often for good people like yourself. Consider picking up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as it is filled with a lot useful information that will help you in the healing and recovery department

  9. Harper

    December 29, 2018 at 9:48 am

    Hi, thank you so much for sharing your insights.
    We were never in a relationship, just dating. And I just wanted him as a friend. I think my ex dating partner is that kind of “angry guy”. The reason we split is that I was too needy and I didn’t give him enough space. And after we split I acted very immaturely, like texting him 3 times a day to ask if we can come back. And finally he got mad, said I was harassing him, and he wanted to block me but he didn’t. I apologized instantly, said I didn’t mean to do that. But he was still mad, and told me to leave him alone for a month, that if I didn’t hear from him in a month then I shouldn’t contact him again. So I did that NC for a month and he didn’t reply after that. I waited for 2 weeks and contacted him again with an apology email, still silence. And I tried to talk to him every two weeks but I guess he just ghosted me. I think it’s no harm to become friends so it’s always worth the try. And I think your opinions is more insightful than others so I make a comment after browsing.
    * He blocked me on his updates on WeChat social media but I can still message him through WeChat.
    * I made it clear that I was sorry, and I shouldn’t push him, and I just want to be friends in that email.
    * I’m confused why he still ignored me. I guess he’s still mad but I’m not sure.
    * Or maybe he just doesn’t want to have any kind of relations with me.
    * Do you think I should apologize again? Will that be annoying? Or I just stay silent for a while.

  10. Clueless

    December 27, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    Thank you for the quick reply?
    Where can I find EBR Pro?
    Did I do the right thing blocking him? He has access through our work chat if he really wants to talk to me, but still.
    Thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 27, 2018 at 8:41 pm

      Hi there! I usually recommend keeping the social media lines of communication open as you can leverage that to your advantage later. To find EBR Pro, just go to my Home Page and you will see the list of eBooks and other services available.

  11. Clueless

    December 27, 2018 at 12:36 am

    Hi, thank you so much for this in the first place.
    I was in a situationship for 4 months. He likes me but not enough to get in a relationship with me. I was the one that would always take the lead on things, invitations, texts, etc…
    For him one day or two a week was enough to be together, I wanted more.
    He says I deserve better, that I deserve a man that wants to be with me as much I want to be with him.
    When we are together, the way he looks at me and treats me I thought so many times he really liked me but didn’t want to admit to himself cause he’s a free bird, loves his freedom and has a super busy life, but he keeps saying he doesn’t.
    Two weeks ago he was really rude to me on the phone and I was so angry at him that I blocked him. He tried to reach me the following day cause he wanted to apologize but no luck, after a week we had to see each other, it was our company’s christmas dinner and then he apologized upfront, we got drunk and hooked up.
    He’s going away for a month now and I told him that this will do us good and I needed space, no texts, no contact.
    So I haven’t spoken to him for 4 days now, he’s still blocked and I miss him so badly.
    He turned out to be one of my best friends, same work, same gym, same hanging out colleagues.
    If I don’t block him I can’t stop my fingers from sending him texts and I normally am so transparent about how I feel in the moment.

    Am I doing the right thing here? I’m so confused.
    Sorry for the little outburst and thanking you in advance.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 27, 2018 at 3:49 am

      Hey there….so your job is to no longer to be Clueless! We need to change your identity to “Learning and Getting Smarter”!

      So you need to start off with a plan. A plan for your own healing and recovery so you realize you can stand on your own if need by without him in your life. But it seems that the two of your are not too far apart. So perhaps a little space will do you both good and will result in him valuing you more. There are things you can do to enhance that. Take a look at picking up my epic 485 page ebook, “EBR Pro” as it will help you throughout this process whichever way it turns

  12. Amira

    December 26, 2018 at 7:15 pm

    Help! I’m about to break!I’m on day six of no contact with my boyfriend of two months. I broke up with him because I’ve had to constantly talk to him about his effort. He’s going through a lot of financial hardships and is a single father to two kids.i feel like I’m forgotten about. I understood that he was having a hard Time . Recently we had a conversation about his lack of effort i told him it’s okay if he can’t give me material things or take me out, i just want time and attention. He said he would work on it. I Recently i had a miscarriage. I hadn’t told him about me being pregnant. The day i was going to tell him i miscarried. I told him and he felt so bad but didn’t come by to see me because he had the kids and had no baby sitter. So i waited for days that their mother got the kids. Still didn’t come instead he went to his best friends house to drink, the next day he “fell” asleep when he planned to see me. I confronted him the next day his excuse was that he had a lot going on and i shouldn’t assume what he’s thinking about, which led to a huge argument and me breaking up with him. I’m heartbroken because it’s not what i want But it’s like nothing else i said got through to him. Now I’m questioning if i made the right choice and he hasn’t reached out to me which is making me even more sad and wondering what’s going on in his head. But i refuse to break the NC. How long is this going to take for him to realize what he had and reach out? Does he even want to be with me. Please help me

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 26, 2018 at 9:59 pm

      Hi Amira.. I think you are on the right track with your NC efforts. Just be sure you implement it in accordance with my Program as their are many elements to it and you want to take advantage of all the things you can do to maximize your chances of success.

  13. Sue Cousins

    December 23, 2018 at 10:54 am

    Hi, my ex of 9 months gave me an ultimatum 2 days ago and said if I didn’t like him receiving and responding to text messages during the early hours we were done. I had no othere option but to taxi home. I received a text message from him the next morning asking if I wanted a lift back into town. I expect to pick up like nothing had happened. I didn’t respond to the text and am now on day 2 of no contact. There is an element of jealousy, control and emotional abuse, not necessarily obvious at this stage. Not sure what the outcome will be. In the past he is in contact most days. Very difficult staying strong.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 23, 2018 at 8:02 pm

      Hi Sue!

      I agree a lot of factors come into play. Stay true to your NC, and don’t forget that its your healing that matters most. Pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” if you have not already as it will serve as your Companion Guide!

  14. SamSolo

    December 16, 2018 at 7:53 am

    Hi chris:)
    I happened to just stopped by reading your post and its an amazing article. Thank you. I actually had a guy friend of mine whom I met on tinder and told my friend about it. Coincidentally he’s my bestfriend classmate during college and she rest assured me that he’s a good guy. So we been seeing each other for roughly like 6 months. Everything was going well, we date but we’re friends. We held hands, hugged, cuddled and kiss on the cheeks, chemistry was good. But recently he was deployed by company to overseas for work and its gonna be 1yr away. Now he’s acting weird, I tried to reach out to him but there’s no respond. I know that nobody has any obligation to reply furthermore he’s my friend not a boyfriend yet so i shouldn’t be labeling him that, i didn’t take it to heart though he didn’t reply my text but I’m actually feel sad about it. I don’t know what’s he doing now, is he really that busy. So i don’t care about him and applied the NC for like 30days now by doing my own things and focus myself to be happy and hangout with my girls. But sometimes I’m angry that I don’t deserve to be treated like this by him but at times I still misses him. I felt like I moved on but deep down myself I’m like still waiting for him to comeback. Will he come back? I’m actually too tired and drained to date other guys and total strangers too. What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 16, 2018 at 4:22 pm

      I know you have been thru a lot and I am glad you are focusing on yourself. Those angry feelings that come onto you at times are normal, but over time they will diminish. Visit my home page as I have a lot of resources there to guide you through all of this.

  15. Emma

    December 14, 2018 at 2:00 am

    My ex has a history of moving on from relationships without looking back once he’s made up his mind. He even told me at some point in our relationship that once he moves on from a relationship there’s no turning back. I fear that if I apply no contact, he will simply move on, seeing as how he’s started showing interest in somebody else already. Should I continue texting him even though he does not text back or call?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 15, 2018 at 12:14 am

      HI Emma! He seems a bit full of himself. Or maybe its just partially big talk. Usually its not wise to make definitive statements on the topic of coming back to a relationship. I would say that if he has not responded to your texting, then don’t press any further as you are just losing our personal power. Better to employ no contact in the way I teach it. If he can’t eventually find his way back to you…..its his loss.

  16. Grace

    December 12, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    Hi Cris! Im in a situationship with a guy for more than two years now. We had our ups and downs and this year, we fought quite a lot. Last weekend, he was drunk, I checked his phone and saw his messages with several women. I got mad and call him out on it. He accidentally hit me. The next day, he saw my bruises and cried and begged that I forgive him. I said theres nothing I should forgive him for. He hugged me so tight and said he does not want to lose me. After I left his place, he sent me a lenghty message, again asking for forgiveness and apologising for all the hurt he has caused me. He said he will try to heal his heart ( bad break up from ex gf for 4 years now ) and if one day he can recreate his love life, he would want me to be the girl he wants to be with. I responded to him about us having to think things through. What we really want. He said he respects my need for time and space and will always appreciate the company and love I have for him. My questions are, is it still worth to continue with him? I am in no contact with him for three days now, is two weeks enough, how should I move on if he does not reach out? I care for him and I know he cares about me to..I am thinking that his involvement with other girls are is only a part of his healing process to hide his pain and insecurities. I dont know. Any advise please?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 13, 2018 at 12:30 am

      Hi Grace….I think you are on to something. Guys can hid behind their pain and insecurity and misbehave. Usually an NC period ranges from 21 to 45 days, but it is an adaptable principle given all the complex variables associated with a relationship.

  17. Christin

    December 9, 2018 at 7:09 am

    I just broke NC after 5 days of breaking up.

    I was with my bf for almost 7 years. Everything was great so far, we shared almost every moment in our life together, until lately, we both have stressed from work and other issues so he acted coldly to me and I was worried & insecure so I had some talk with him.

    It turned out that he tried to avoid me because he felt guilty (He interested in someone else at his workplace whom I think is quite similar to me).
    He doesn’t understand himself why he has feeling for another girl and he thinks that our relationship was not going smooth lately, I’m not the one who shares his world anymore.
    He’s not confident in our relationship anymore with his guilty & he cannot gives me 100% love like before.

    So, he broke up with me and said he needs time and space to reflect himself, asked me to do NC to him, but he doesn’t know how long it will take.
    (During this time & space he needs from me, he met another girl everyday at workplace and sometimes played online games / watched online movies together with her friends though …)
    He said that if he figures out that he really loves me, his feeling for the girl should have stopped even if he meets her everyday.

    I tried to understand his feeling & respect his decision by doing NC for 5 days and I couldn’t make it. I texted him some very long messages about how I really think we could work on this together, but I know I can’t talk this out since he insisted that he only wants to do this way.

    I’m sad and confused. Also, I totally have no idea about the outcome of his self-reflection like will he come back to me or he will be going to date another girl … it’s like 50/50 and it makes me feel so desperate.

    Now I just hate myself for breaking NC he wanted. I apologized to him and will be going to do NC again from now on.

    Do you think I’m doing this right ? like giving him the space and time he needs.
    Honestly, the thought that he meets the girl everyday at work & spends the time with her made me lose my hope of getting him back.

    What should I do ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 10, 2018 at 1:00 am

      Hi Christin…Its OK..don’t be hard on yourself. Just roll back to NC and focus that time on “you”….your healing

  18. Kat

    December 6, 2018 at 7:14 pm

    Is it even worth it …implementing NC?? If the guy left you to go back to baby mama! I have known him 5 yrs..every time they get into argument he pops back in my life…I gave him an ultimatum 30 days ago…I did the NC.. I’m moving on…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 6, 2018 at 11:25 pm

      Hi Kat….sometimes that is the best choice. There are many good paths for us all to choose from.

  19. DESIRE

    December 4, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    my guy left me stating the fact that i overreact to issues, get so jealous, and angry alot, though he has constantly asked me to work on myself but little did i know he was giving me many chances to change those trio issues i just stated above via my behavior. okay i finally agreed to change after he blurted out that it was all over between us, i started begging him and he gave me another chance, i travelled down to visit him as earlier agreed and while there, i asked him when he will likely want to settle down, he said in 6 years time, we both laughed it off but he upset me when he said he doesn’t like my behavior let alone my character, i got so offended and forgot that we were at his best friend’s place, i even hit my hand on the floor and told him if he is into another relationship and that is why he is treating me this way it won’t work out for him, he maintained that we remain just friends, i declined that, and i have been begging him for a month now to forgive, forget and take me back but he said he has forgotten me but can’t take me back.. that i should move on but i keep telling him i can’t…. he said he can’t take me back,that he has told me all my bad character before me, am not his type, his feelings are gone, what do i do? as he also constantly told me his love and feelings for me have died. i really do want him back. what do i do in this case? pls advise.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2018 at 12:24 am

      Hi Desire! Have you tried implementing no contact?

  20. Amanda

    November 29, 2018 at 2:01 am

    Hi Chris,

    Here goes… my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me a couple of days ago. I went over his house a couple of days ago and everything seemed okay, I asked him a couple of questions and why he has been distant with me the past week and he says that this relationship is too much for him, that he isn’t happy with me or in life, he stated he wants to be alone. We spoke for 4 hours, we both cried and talked and I begged for him to stay with me but he said he couldn’t and that it would be too much and that he has too much going on with the loss of his father and having to find somewhere to live, and then says that me constantly checking in on him and messaging him makes him feel suffocated and he can’t take it anymore and wants to be alone. I was there for him when his father died, everyday. He became distant after the death of his father, which in turn made me worried and clingy. All of my stuff is still at his house and he said I can get it whenever, I don’t know when is a good time to get it. I don’t know what to do, all I know is I want to be with him, I love him so much. I haven’t spoken to him since the breakup and it’s been 5 days. Help 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 29, 2018 at 3:36 am

      Hi Amanda….so it looks like you may want to roll into No Contact. Are you up to speed on how my Program works? He is going thru a tough time right now so in some cases it may be appropriate to be adaptable.

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