It’s a question I get asked every single day.

“What is he thinking?”

Or if you want me to be more specific:

“Now that I am in no contact can you explain what is going on in his mind?”

I decided to put this guide together to put a rest to these questions once and for all. I am going to be attempting to explain everything I know about how men react to the no contact rule. If you aren’t familiar with my website then let me give you a quick breakdown of what I am all about.

Every single “guide,” I like to use the word guide to explain my posts/articles because it sounds more authoritative, anyways, every single guide I have ever written is very long and in-depth and this particular guide will be no different. Some of the things I talk about may be hard for you to hear but at it’s core it will come from a place of truth.

In the end, I subscribe to the theory that in order for me to best help you get your ex boyfriend back you need to see the entire picture and that is what I am doing here with this guide, helping you see the parts of the picture you are missing.

(Side Note: If you want a full accounting of the “big picture” that you are missing the best place for you to start is with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO my massive book detailing all of my best theories on how to improve your chances with your ex.)

Your Failure Of The No Contact Rule

Every single day I carve out an hour or two to answer comments and questions from the readers of this site.

At times I feel like a robot constantly repeating myself…

“Have you done NC?”

“Are you currently in NC?”

Some women will tell me that they tried the NC rule but failed after only 4 days. Others make it deep into “uncharted territory,” 10 days, before they fail.

I get it.

The no contact rule can be an extremely hard thing to complete. After all, I am asking you to essentially cut your ex boyfriend off for a full month. To be more specific, you can’t talk, text or respond to any type of communication from him.

(If you would like a full explanation of the No Contact Rule please visit this page or simply watch the video below,)

It’s funny to me that so many women fail at something SO CRUCIAL to get their ex boyfriends back.

I mean, if I told you that you would get a 100% success recovery rate if all you had to do was make it through 30 days without contacting your ex there would still be some women who would fail at not contacting their ex.

I liken it to a little kid being told “you cannot have that cookie.” The little kid knows that it is wrong to take a cookie from the jar but decides to do it anyways. Are you seeing the analogy yet?

You= the little kid.

Your ex= the cookie.

Now, lets take a look at WHY you keep reaching your hand in the cookie jar.

Whenever I write one of these guides I tend to do a lot of outlining and research. However, when I asked myself a simple question “why is it that so many women keep breaking NC?” I didn’t have to look very far for the ansewr. In fact, if you are a constant reader of this site then you won’t have to look very far either. A simple viewing of the comments should give you a pretty clear picture.

Oh, I broke NC because I didn’t want him to think less of me…

I didn’t know what he was thinking and it was driving me nuts…

I am afraid he will lose interest in me…

What if he runs off with some other girl…

With all of the concerns listed above what is the one constant?

While I admit there are many constants in the concerns above the correct answer I am looking for lies in a simple truth. Any woman who implements a no contact rule is uncertain about what is going on in her exes mind.

Therein lies the foundation on which this guide was built, helping you to better understand what goes on in your exes mind so YOU can succeed with the no contact rule!

Understanding Men During NC

It doesn’t take a genius to tell that men and women are very different creatures.

Men, much more physical, tend to lack when it comes to social situations.

Women, much more social, tend to lack when it comes to physical situations.

This is an interesting view to take when you look at our species as a whole. It explains why men need women and women need men. However, it also explains why we get our wires crossed so often.

I am a man. I understand how they think. I understand why most of my peers do the things they do. This puts YOU in a very unique position because I am spreading all of our dirty little secrets. Every single one I want to give you access to so you can better understand us.

To be more specific, I am going to be talking about how a man can possibly react (and what he will think) when a woman implements a no contact rule on him.

The first thing I need to teach you has to do with the differences in men.

Men Are Different From Women

george carlin men vs women

Above I established that men and women are different creatures. Well, I would like to take that a step further and say that not all men are the same. For example, what I find attractive in a woman another man may not.

One of my best friends springs to mind here. As two young single guys we often talk about one topic, women. I remember a few months ago my friend went on this rant about how he likes a particular “type” of woman. After his rant I chimed in and explained the type of woman I liked. In the end, we agreed to disagree but I think this little anecdote proves an interesting point.

What may be true for a lot of men may not be true for your man.

This is an important concept to understand because what I am about to explain next only exisits because of the “men are different from men” phenomenon.

When it comes to the no contact rule I have found that there are 7 main reactions and thoughts that men will have. Each reaction is different from the other in its own unique way. Now, I will eventually get around to explaining the “reactions” to you but first I need to teach you something else.

Whatever Reaction You Get Depends On Your Relationship

relationship meme

Above I established that each man is different in his own unique way. That concept will certainly have a “tie in” to the 7 different reactions I talk about later in this guide but if I am being completely truthful with you then I would say that what I am about to explain here is the single biggest factor into HOW your ex is going to react during the no contact rule.

I want you to think back to your old relationship.

Now, obviously your old relationship failed for some reason. Right now that doesn’t matter. Right now we are going to be looking at something far more valuable. Something I like to call the aftertaste effect!

What Is The Aftertaste Effect?

When I began writing Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I had a list that I put together designed to detail all of the best strategies that I found that worked to get an ex back so that I could put it in the book.

The aftertaste effect was one of those strategies.

Do you have a favorite candy?

I know I certainly do.

Whenever you eat a candy you are left with a certain aftertaste. It is that aftertaste that compels you to come back and keep eating that candy. For me the candy that has the best aftertaste is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. For some reason every time I eat one I end up eating two or three more.

Of course, candy is not good for you. Everyone knows that at a basic level and yet it is the aftertaste that compels us all to keep eating them.

Now, I want to ask you a question.

What kind of emotional “aftertaste” do you think your ex boyfriend was left with after the two of you broke up?

One thing I can tell you for sure is that YOU were left with a good aftertaste. I mean, here you are reading this far down the page because you are hungry for another relationship with your ex. (I will stop with the puns.) But I really want you to think hard and try to put yourself in your exes shoes. What kind of taste do you think he was left with?

Good or bad, whatever his aftertaste is will cause him to react a certain way to the no contact rule.

The 7 Reactions From Men During No Contact

Through a lot of trial and error I’ve learned that there are typically seven reactions that men will have during a no contact rule.

How did I come by this data you wonder?

Two ways actually!

The first is relatively simple, I coach A LOT of people one on one.

The second is actually through our private Facebook Group that we have for women going through breakups. Right now the only way to gain access to this private resource is by first reading Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. We find that if we just let anyone in the results aren’t great. However, if I require them to read PRO first then they tend to do a lot better in the group.

But I am getting way off topic.

In this section I am going to outline each of the ways and give an in-depth explanation for what is going on in his head during the reaction. Now, while you are reading about each reaction I want you to keep in mind that I will be referencing the aftertaste effect a lot. So, make sure you have a grasp of it before you read on.

Lets stop talking and start listing.

  • Reaction 1- The Frantic Caller
  • Reaction 2- The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer
  • Reaction 3- The Stubborn Guy
  • Reaction 4- The Clueless Guy
  • Reaction 5- The Scared Guy
  • Reaction 6- The Mid Caller
  • Reaction 7- The Angry Guy

Confused? Don’t worry, as always I will explain.

Here’s how this is going to work. You and I are going to play roles in each of these seven reactions.

You are going to play my ex girlfriend (who is using a 30 day no contact rule on me.) Of course, I am going to be playing your ex boyfriend and plan to give you insight on each of my reactions. Lets get started!

1. The Frantic Caller

 

This is an amusing reaction from a man. I remember when I first created this site I really thought that women who implemented the no contact rule would see this particular reaction from men but the truth is that not as many men have this reaction as I thought.

What is a “frantic caller?”

Frantic Caller- A man who will call “frantically” a few days after NC has started. He will eventually get the hint and stop calling. However, deep in his mind he will always want to hear from you.

So, here is how this situation would work if you and I were the “actors.”

You would use the no contact rule on me. Of course, I wouldn’t realize it until I sent you a few text messages that you don’t respond to. Now, lets hit the pause button and talk about this. Personally, the more I care about someone the more I care about getting a response to a text message.

For example, if I am texting a friend I really don’t mind if my message is not responded to immediately (or at all.) However, on the flip side if I am texting a girl that I have a major crush on or an ex girlfriend (like you 😉 .) I am going to care about getting a response. So, when I send you a text message and you don’t respond to it I am going to start to get agitated.

This agitation is going to lead to me sending more messages down the road or possibly calling you out on why you are not responding to me with a message like this:

“Oh, so you are just ignoring me now?”

At this point you are going to be tempted to respond to me. In a way, I am testing you to see if you will engage with me. This is a classic “guilt trip.”

Of course, every time I send a message that you don’t respond to I am leaving myself vulnerable. This ties directly into the push/pull method that I described in this guide. Basically, the more you ignore me the more likely I am to show you attention. However, the more you send attention my way the less likely I am to give you that attention back.

Usually, after a certain amount of texts are un-responded to I will start calling you frantically. Of course, since you are in a strict NC rule you will be ignoring all of my calls. While it may take a while I will finally get the hint and stop calling which will lead me to ignore you completely.

This is where I want to hit the pause button again.

It’s this ignoring period (that I am doing to you) that I really want to discuss. What is going on in my head during this time?

Firstly, lets look at the facts. I was basically a text gnat to you after I didn’t get my way (once you started ignoring me.) When I advise people I always tell them to try to look beyond the “words” that their ex says to them and look at the actions that their ex does. My actions here, once NC was done by you was to spam you with text messages and phone calls. That fact alone means that I still have interest in you, that I still care about you.

Now, once I start ignoring you it isn’t because all of a sudden I “hate” you, it’s because I finally got the hint that you don’t want to talk to me. Most women who visit this site get very scared during the “ignoring” period by their ex. They think he will “move on” or that he will “find someone else.”

In my experience that doesn’t happen at all. I may try to convince myself that I “don’t like you anymore.” Heck, I may even mouth off to a few of my friends that I don’t want to be with you anymore but deep down that isn’t true. Deep down I am just insecure about being alone and I want to hear from you badly.

I have actually experienced this phenomenon myself before. I like to call this the fake reality phenomenon.

The Fake Reality Phenomenon

During my first breakup ever I experienced something very strange.

I am the type of guy that can sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve. It can be my biggest advantage but also my biggest downfall.

During my first breakup it was definitely my biggest downfall. This particular breakup stands out in my mind because of how nasty it was. It wasn’t nasty from her end it was nasty from my end and I think it all came down to the insecurity I felt from being alone.

Anyways, I did the “ignoring dance” for a long time with her. In fact, I remember the very first day of the breakup I convinced myself that life was better and for a while it was. I had this feeling of being free but eventually the breakup caught up with me and I had to create this fake reality for myself where I did my best to put on this facade that I was great when deep down all I wanted was to talk to my ex.

This is essentially what the fake reality phenomenon is. It’s this weird reality that an ex will create for himself during the no contact rule to tell himself that life is better without you but deep down all he really wants is to talk to you.

2. The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer

This reaction is very similar to the one above. Before I really dive in here let me give you a brief explanation of what this actually is.

Frantic Caller Turned Ignorer- A man who will frantically call after NC but will get so angry that you are ignoring him that he won’t call you again.

A perfect example of this is one of my clients who actually did get her ex back and was kind enough to come onto my podcast and do a podcast episode detailing her experience with no contact starting at 4:35,


This can be a pretty depressing reaction to get. Here is how this will break down if you and I were the “actors” in this play ;).

Just like before, you are going to implement the no contact rule on me and just like before I am going to become a text gnat by sending you a lot of different text messages and phone calls. Here is where the main difference will come into play, instead of me ignoring you (but wanting to hear from you) I am going to be ignoring you out of anger.

Let me dive a little deeper into the male thinking here.

Above I talked about how the more I care about a person emotionally the more I care about a text message response. This is an important nugget of knowledge to grasp for this reaction because it really goes down to the core of why an ex may potentially ignore you out of spite.

Look, no one likes to be flat out ignored. That fact alone is why the no contact rule is such an effective method. However, there will always be a certain portion of men that REALLY don’t like being ignored. These are the types of men that will take you ignoring them very personally. So personally in fact, that they will ignore you out of anger and spite just to “get back at you.”

Again though, lets really look at the facts. Anyone who frantically calls you definitely has an interest in you (or at least wants to know what you think.) So, while they may take your ignoring personally you have to wonder if deep down (beyond that anger) they still really want to hear from you.

I am a glass half full kind of guy so I choose to look at it like this: men who take being ignored personally will want to get back at you. However, deep down they just have this really thick “fake reality” wall built up to protect themselves from being hurt.

Remember when I was telling you that story about my very first breakup being really bad?

Well, the “frantic caller turned into ignorer” was the exact reaction that I had to the breakup. You see, my ex didn’t do a no contact rule on me but for a week we didn’t talk and I was definitely a text gnat and call gnat. Of course, after she ignored me I ignored her out of spite and created that “fake reality” to convince myself that everything was ok.

“Psssttt… want to hear a secret?”

Deep down I wanted to talk to her so bad but I was too stubborn to do so.

Speaking of stubborn!

3. The Stubborn Guy

“He is just so darn stubborn… I can’t get him to do anything I want.”

I can’t tell you how often I hear women say this to me when they talk about their ex. Unfortunately, it is a common problem. But how does that problem manifest itself in no contact? Firstly, I would like to explain exactly what the “stubborn guy” is.

The Stubborn Guy- This is a reaction that a certain man will have during the no contact period. Typically, they have the “she will have to call me first attitude.” In other words, they are too stubborn to even want to reach out during the no contact rule.

I have a feeling that a lot of women are going to be interested in this.

It is your greatest fear after all, having an ex NOT contact you at all during a no contact period. I want to explore this so you can truly understand what your ex is thinking. First though, lets get our two favorite actors to act this scenario out ;).

As always, you are going to initiate the no contact rule. However, this time I am not going to contact you. In other words, what we have here is a no contact rule stand off. Obviously, this is not what you want to have happen but the fact of the matter is that some men will react this way to the no contact rule. There are a complex range of emotions that go on here so I am going to be dividing this overall category into multiple sections. First, I would like to start with one of our favorite terms, the aftertaste effect.

The Aftertaste Effect

What is stubbornness? Perhaps more to the point, what is the definition of a stubborn person?

Stubborn Person- Someone who refuses to change their mind about something.

Why am I going into this? Well, I want to make it clear that just because someone is a stubborn person that doesn’t mean that it is impossible to change their mind. It just means you have to know how to deal with them. Lets turn our attention back to the aftertaste effect.

An ex who has the “stubborn guy” reaction to the no contact rule will have it because of the aftertaste they have of your previous relationship. For example, if I thought back to our (you and I’s) fake relationship and only thought bad things about it I would most likely have this mindset:

“I never want to talk to her again.”

Me having that thought about you is probably your greatest fear when it comes to getting me back. Of course, the thing YOU have to remember is that it is possible to change my mind. This is where your discipline comes in with the no contact rule.

The “Victim” Attitude

I would say that I can be a stubborn person when it comes to breakups. How do I know this? Well, because I lived it!

I think stubborn men as a whole adopt two specific mindsets when they are put in the no contact rule. I want to use this section to describe the first mindset.

There is a certain allure to being the victim. I mean, think about it. You get sympathy from everyone if you are a victim. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. When I read the comments and inquiries I get from readers every day I feel bad for some of the women I communicate with. ME feeling bad for you usually means that I am on your side!

How does this apply to stubborn men you ask?

Stubborn men during no contact want to be adored by their exes. If it was up to them they would have you calling them 20 times a day while they ignore you so they can show you “who’s boss.” Only you aren’t going to do that. You are a strong, independent and disciplined woman who isn’t going to break NC.

This is really NOT what they want. The fact that YOU aren’t begging them like you should be is going to agitate them and make them feel like the victim…

Yes, you read that right THEY are going to feel like the victim even though in the grand scheme of things they aren’t one. It is a really warped way of looking at things, I’ll admit, but you wanted to know about mens minds right?

The “She Has To Call Me First” Attitude

This is an attitude that I have personal experience with.

I remember during a breakup that I was so stubborn that I actually told myself “she has to call me first if she wants to talk to me.” You see, I, like most men, have a very warped way of looking at things. Every time I talk to a woman that I am dating or a woman I am interested in I look at every single interaction as a power struggle. This is especially true when it comes to who texts who first and who calls who first.

(I know, it’s really messed up isn’t it? I think it is just a guy thing.)

Anyways, having an ex call you first, if you are a stubborn guy, is like winning a game. If she calls you first you think to yourself “yup, I have her eating out of the palm of my hand.” Of course, if she doesn’t call you first then you begin to think that you are a “victim.”

In the end it all ties together.

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back Again With Our Step By Step Guide To Getting Your Ex Back

Learn More

4. The Clueless Guy

Ah.. the clueless guy! Just a word of warning this section is going to be a bit shorter than the rest of the “reactions” during the no contact rule. That is because the clueless guy reaction is rare. So, what is a clueless guy reaction?

The Clueless Guy- A legitimate reaction where your ex is entirely clueless throughout the no contact rule. Men like this tend to be socially awkward or don’t really sense that anything is wrong.

I understand that you may be a little confused at how this reaction will play out in real life. So, as always, lets let our two professional actors act this situation out ;).

You are going to start the no contact rule on me. Of course, I am clueless about the whole situation so I may contact you or I may not. It will depend on a number of factors. If I don’t it’s not because I am trying to “put you in your place” it’s just that I am clueless about the whole situation.

Part of the reason the no contact rule works so well is the fact that the party it is being done to will sense that something is wrong. This feeling that they get will create a range of emotions and eventually (sometimes subconsciously) show them how much their ex significant other really means to them.

So, this begs the question:

Will the no contact rule even work on someone who has a “clueless” reaction? Before we can answer that we need to study the psychology behind someone with a clueless reaction.

The Psychology Behind A “Clueless” Reaction

One thing I’ve learned over my years as a coach is that men who tend to be clueless are ones that don’t have a lot of experience in relationships.

You see, one thing I have learned about women throughout my life is they tend to drop these little hints when you talk to them. These hints are a way of testing you to see where you stand on a certain issue. How you react to the hint will dictate how they approach the situation in the future.

A clueless guy is the type of guy who will not pick up any hints at all. He is too clueless or wrapped up in his own world to.

For example, during the NC period a clueless guy will not sense that anything is wrong at all. Here is where things get interesting though. He may actually contact you during the no contact period (but at the same time he may NOT contact you.)

So, there are aspects of being frantic and stubborn in there but as a whole he will not get any of the hints you drop. He will just assume everything is ok. Again, I would like to reiterate that this type of guy is very rare. I would say that there is a 95% chance that your ex boyfriend is NOT going to have this reaction.

Will The No Contact Still Work?

A few sections ago I asked a simple question. Will the no contact rule work on someone who is “clueless” about it?

The answer is YES it still can work but not in the way you think.

The biggest misconception is that the no contact rule is only for your ex boyfriend. In fact, I would say that, that is only half the battle. The half that everyone seems to forget about is the effect that NC has on YOU.

Hmm… how can I best explain this?

Ok, getting an ex boyfriend back requires an interesting balance. You have to be hyper aware of your emotions. You need to know when you have to be logical and you need to know when you have to be emotional. If you can find the perfect combination between the two (remaining logical while using your emotions to tap into your exes emotions) you have a really good chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

Here is the problem though, without the no contact rule you really don’t have any chance to acquire the logical mindset you need. Post-breakup is when you are at your emotional peak and while emotions can be good sometimes in this case you are probably too emotional to talk to your ex. That is why the no contact rule is such a beautiful thing.

If you can get through NC it shows that you have the discipline to remain logical!

5. The Scared Guy

Have you ever wondered if your ex is too scared to talk to you? In this section we are going to be covering the range of emotions that will be going through an exes head who feels too scared to even make a move. First though, I would like to define “the scared guy.”

The Scared Guy- This is a reaction that is the exact opposite of someone who frantically calls or texts. It’s a reaction that a guy will have when he is too scared to make a move during NC. He isn’t ignoring you out of stubbornness. He is ignoring you out of fear.

Lets not beat around the bush here, women are scary.

I am not afraid to admit it either.. I AM AFRAID OF WOMEN.

Still, to this day, I get the shakes when I am talking to a beautiful woman. It’s not because I am afraid of her. I am more afraid of what she is thinking about me. Here is the ironic part about the whole thing. I bet that the girl that I am talking to is getting the shakes because she is afraid of what I think about her.

The point I am trying to make here is don’t think that just because your ex isn’t contacting you it means he is stubborn. It may be entirely possible that he is too scared to reach out for fear of messing up. You tend to see this a lot with an ex boyfriend who YOU broke up with. So, let me break the “scared guy” reaction down for you.

If YOU broke up with me and implemented a no contact rule then I would definitely be afraid to contact you because of the fear of rejection. This begs an interesting question:

If you know for a fact that your ex boyfriend is afraid to contact you then shouldn’t you just break the NC and reach out to him first?

No… A BIG NO!

Here is what could happen in the mind of an ex boyfriend throughout the entire process:

If you contact him first during no contact he is probably going to revert to the stubborn mindset of “oh ya! I got her to reach out to me first after SHE broke up with me.” After this happens you are basically at his mercy.

Are you starting to understand no contact now? Dealing with exes during it is almost like a game. The game is all about power and usually the person with the power is in the best position.

6. The Mid Caller

This is a reaction from exes that I see a lot when I communicate with women on this site. I really want to do a good job explaining this so I am just going to cut right to the chase.

The Mid Caller- A common reaction that you will get during the NC rule. Instead of frantically calling at the beginning of the no contact rule an ex who has this reaction will call just a few times during the middle of the no contact rule.

As always, we are going to let our two favorite actors act out this scene for us so we have a better grasp of how this is all going to go down.

You are going to start the scene by implementing the no contact rule on me. I am going to enter into a NC rule duel with you. However, midway through the duel I am going to lose my nerve and reach out to you. Lets hit the pause button and explore this for a minute.

In my mind there are two possible explanations for why an ex boyfriend will call you a few days in (5-8 days) or midway through a no contact rule (14-18 days.)

Explanation #1- He Is Totally Clueless

This explanation ties directly in to what I talked about before with the “clueless guy.” It’s pretty simple really. Your ex is clueless about the whole situation and has no idea that you are doing a no contact rule on him. As a result, he will reach out in the middle of the no contact period.

Of course, when you ignore the text he sends he is going to figure out really quickly that something is up. Once he figures this out just sit back and watch the craziness ensue!

Explanation #2- He Loses The NC Rule Duel

This is much more likely to happen.

Chances are, if you are doing the no contact rule immediately after a breakup your ex boyfriend is going to be thinking about you a lot. He may have a little bit of stubbornness in him in that he won’t want to be the first one to contact you. As a result of that stubbornness he will engage with you in a no contact duel.

Of course, somewhere down the road his curiosity of what you are up to and how you are doing is going to take over and he will just throw caution to the wind by essentially losing the “duel.”

If he does lose this duel it can tell you a few important things. Firstly, he is thinking about you a lot which we can assume means that he still has some deep emotional feelings for you. Secondly, he cares about what you think and finally, YOU have power over him!

The Angry Guy

Lets face the facts here. Getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t meant to be easy. If it was, well, then this site wouldn’t need to exist. This final reaction is what I like to call the “angry guy” reaction. Lets take a moment and define it.

The Angry Guy- The type of reaction you can get when your ex wants nothing to do with you (and means it..) Therefore, during NC he would not reach out to contact you.

The angry guy reaction is really the reaction that is going to tie into the aftertaste effect the most out of any reaction listed throughout this guide. Lets say that during our fake relationship you were not exactly a good girlfriend. You cheated on me or did something that really upset me. If I broke up with you under those pretenses then the chances are high that I left the relationship with a really bad taste in my mouth. If that was the case, then I probably will not want to contact you during the no contact period.

Except there is something different about the angry guy reaction as opposed to the stubborn guy reaction.

You see, with the stubborn guy reaction I won’t contact you during NC but deep down I will still want to hear from you. The angry guy reaction is a step above that. It is when an ex boyfriend is so angry that he wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t even want to see or hear from.

As I already stated, a lot of the angry guy reaction is going to tie into YOUR choices during your previous relationship (a la the aftertaste effect.) Of course, there are some guys that are just plain jerks that don’t know how to handle a breakup and will exhibit this reaction.

Typically, the tell tale sign of an angry guy reaction is when your ex says some very hurtful things to your face repeatedly. The keyword in that sentence is “repeatedly.” You see, you can almost expect an ex to say mean things to you after a breakup but if he keeps saying them to you over and over again post no contact (and it becomes vicious and cruel) you may have brought out the “angry guy” from within.

So, I suppose the real question here is, is it possible to get someone back if they exhibit this reaction?

Can You Get An “Angry Guy” Back?

It’s possible. In fact, one of my best friends did it.

However, it is not easy.

It is going to take a lot of patience on your part and even then there are no guarantees. In the end, what it all boils down to is if you think your ex is worth it. Really take a good hard look at your previous relationship and ask yourself a simple question:

“do I want to do this again?”

3,934 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    sarah

    September 3, 2019 at 7:33 pm

    Hi Chris, me and my boyfriend have been together just over a year and everything has been amazing and we made each other so happy. I had no clue it was coming, we had exciting things planned and he was always telling me how in love with me he was. He broke up with me a week ago saying he has had 2 weeks of doubts out of nowhere but he didn’t want to lead me on if he wasn’t 100% sure..still telling me he loved me and cared about me (we were both complete messes as we said goodbye) we exchanged a few messages the next day to agree not to speak for a while and i have done the NC for 1 week now. Im struggling a lot but don’t know how he’s feeling or why he hasn’t messaged me already when i know he’s hurting and wanted to stay in contact.

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    Paula

    August 24, 2019 at 6:18 am

    Hey Chris,
    So me and my fiance (6 years) engaged for 3 months broke up in July 14th after he walked out of the house with his things. I did not apply no contact and we agreed to go to therapy which we did for a few days after the breakup then he stopped. I would occasionally text him to say hi and his responses were “I am alive” weird. I couldn’t live at the apartment anymore because a lot of memories and I called him about his other things he said “throw them” I think it’s out of anger he was angry all the time I reach out. So 3 weeks after the breakup up I decided to initiate NC. Too bad 15 days in NC I thought he blocked me so I texted “Hey Mike” and he responded very quick actually with ‘yes’. I thought it was rude and I was like I can’t go through this pain anymore. So I stopped texting him. A week later today I don’t know what to do, should I restart the NC or move on?

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    Laura

    August 22, 2019 at 5:34 pm

    Hey Chris, Laura again,
    ‘I prefer you didn’t’…5 weeks and counting, NC after that. Understand that you said NC doesn’t work second time around, but it seems your TIMELINES for action on his part are golden. As in he is stalking my linkenin profile. I have a very very active social calendar, B4 him, with hm, after, etc… He doesn’t do social media but I have FB, just started posting some pics to ‘public’ now. Your thoughts?

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    LB

    August 15, 2019 at 6:05 pm

    Hello, I’m on the 4th week of no contact. My ex dumped me. Even though we did not see each other much. We went from once a week to once every few weeks due to my new job, but he said he was ok with it and looked forward to our planned vacations. One day I asked him about marriage and he basically told me not to invest in him. I was very hurt and confused with his response because he did not indicate marriage being a problem before. So the next night I was crying over the situation and when I called him several times, his phone kept going straight to voicemail. So I drove over to discuss the situation with him. To my surprise, there was a woman in the house and he would not answer the door. He finally came out once his son got home, let me in and introduced us to each other (name to name) no titles. He said she was just a friend, but it was after 10pm at night. She seemed untouched by the situation and said it was nice meeting me as she left. My ex started going on about me popping up not knowing if he wants to ever get married or have the responsibilities of a relationship. He seemed to talk about a previous relationship and experiences in the past that left a bad taste in his mouth. He has brought up this prior relationship before and it seems as if he never healed from the break up. He even said if she had my ride or die attitude he would had married her, but she was a quitter. So I told him if a relationship from 10 years ago was bothering him then he needs to go to counseling. He said he would think about it and we’ll talk later. Well, the day after, he went from lovely boyfriend to cold, no term or endearments, no good morning texts…ect. A few days later he broke it off with me over the phone. He did not seem remorseful and made it seem like it was him and gave a bunch of excuses, like my kids are young and his are grown. A few days later he was seen going out with a woman. I now believe he was able to detach because he was dealing with her for months before this came up. As far as aftertaste, we did not argue and I thought our relationship was good except the lack of time that he did not seem to mind. We dated for 5 years. He has not attempted to contact me and I have not contacted him. How could a man go from saying he loves me and treating me well to become a cold person who basically threw me away as if I did something to him? I feel he started stringing the relationship along after a while and jumped at the chance to break it off when I asked about marriage. I want him to feel bad and miss me, but at the same time. I don’t even know what happened?? help clarify please? Will he ever attempt to come back.

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    Satyajay Mandal

    August 15, 2019 at 12:33 pm

    As much I think,nobody whom you are reluctant to get contacted from can contact (or even try to do the same) you,especially if you are a fresher and he/she is a senior,because in that case if you lodge a complaint,he/she can be lodged up in jail and his/her registration cancelled and in many cases, his/her dissertation/thesis rejected by the authority who can issue a notice to the person supervising it

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    Jess

    August 4, 2019 at 4:40 pm

    Hey Chris! This is the long version of my story!
    Hi! I’m Jessica, I’m 23yo female. It’s a long story, but I hope someone reads and helps me out of this! 🙂
    Relationship Background: Me and my boyfriend got into a relationship last July to August as we then went on a 4 month break, that he wanted because of misunderstandings. I tried a lot to convince him, but he said nothing was possible now. We were really good friends for almost an year before. He came back later in December, after 4 months. Things were great. But he decided to be “just friends”, after another small fight, very soon. But things got back to normal, as friends. His behaviour rather turned out to be great and it felt as if he was making room for a better relationship. He told me and one of the guys that I was “marriage material”, even though he had no plans of getting married anytime soon. He introduced me to his friends also. Celebrated Valentine’s, as “friends”. Without me having to ask even a single thing. He was doing all the “boyfriend” stuff now.
    Current situation:
    He started distancing himself all of a sudden and spending time with another girl from our class. She was someone I never really liked and he knew. She had always been mean and selfish. (He was an extern, so knew her for as much time as he knew me – 2years) This girl had a boyfriend, but kept coming close to my boyfriend. Things started going downhill as I kept asking him about his changed behaviour, not replying to texts etc. One day, over the call he got agitated and told me I was immature and irrational, jealous, competitive etc.. and he didn’t want friends like that and wouldn’t contact me once college was over. I felt relieved, sad, angry. DecisdD not to talk. Midnight he sent me a text telling me he was good to all and would be good to me too. I chose not to reply or talk. He would hold the door for me, get a chair, say something unnecessary, but I didn’t respond. But all I really wanted was for him to man up, speak to me and apologize. He didn’t. I kept noticing how he’d spend time with her. One day, I noticed he had unfollowed me. After a few days he blocked me too. 2 days later the girl in context too blocked me, idk why. I felt angry. Later, I got a friend request from her boyfriend. I ignored it. But one day, when I couldn’t bear it, I called him, after 60 days of not contacting him. He didn’t pick up my call and instead blocked my number. Next day when I went up to talk to him, he said he didn’t want to, and that he had moved on months ago, didn’t care even if I die, and that that would be the last time we were talking and he didn’t want ANY kind of relation with me or wanted to be associated. I couldn’t figure out why. When asked about the girl, he told me he wasn’t close and didn’t know her boyfriend and stuff. She used to post about her boyfriend, and my boyfriend had made his presence felt on a few other post by commenting, so didn’t seem valid. The very next day she was all dressed up and my gut told me she was gonna go out with him. And it was confirmed later in a few days as she put up a display picture with heart over the guy’s face. I could recognise it was him. :/ I stayed shut. But then in real I saw no signs of them being together. I didn’t see the sparks that people told we had. Nobody did. Recently, I texted the girl’s now ex-bf, just to get some clue. And he tilt me she was just using my boyfriend, as he used to get her stuff from outside (we lived in hostel). And drop her to her hometown often. I was shook. I never knew this! He told me during their breakup, over the last call he was crying and she sent him pictures of her posing as if kissing him on the cheeks, told him she was so in love and it was her new bf, she went in to tell him how the kiss was. -_- He told me she was very clever. It was her 10year long relation, he lived in another city. She used to pretend to be nice ONLY when my boyfriend was around. I noticed that he couldn’t stand me talking to a guy he didn’t like. He tried to pull him away. And I have noticed him looking at me several times, caught him looking at me, when I wasn’t looking and he was with her. I sent him the picture where his face was hidden with a long text, but he blocked me there too. College is done and we all are back home, away from each other. I can’t and don’t want to move on but I barely see any sign of him coming back. Still blocked no call/text. He commented on one of her pictures calling her a “queen”. Idk what is going on! He says she’s helped him alot, but she never has helped anyone. I helped her, but only got her usual arrogance in return. Since I did a little research, she looks up videos on how to break up.. when will she stop missing her ex.. and again when to break up. How can you break up with someone if you’ve already broken up with “one”.
    Would be happy to receive an answer on how/when/will.. I get him back. Been about 4 months now since we’ve had a talk. Just no talk or just arguments.

  7. Avatar

    Jess

    August 4, 2019 at 4:31 pm

    Hi Chris! How to deal with the angry ex.
    He was behaving differently, spending time
    with another girl, ignoring me, leading me to get into a fight, he said he didn’t want to be friends anymore so I chose the no contact. But after two months, he still spent time with her and was super angry and reluctant when I tried to talk. He said he wasn’t that close to her. The girl cheated on her bf of 10years several times. I later got to know he helped her out a lot of times and she was just using him. Not sure if they are dating. Been 4 months now that we’ve talked -the fight. He has blocked me and she did too. And we live in different cities now. Please help. I tried to be the best, but couldn’t deal with him ignoring me and spending time with her.

  8. Avatar

    Jess

    August 4, 2019 at 3:35 pm

    How to deal with the angry ex.
    He was behaving differently, spending time
    with another girl, ignoring me, leading me to get into a fight, he said he didn’t want to be friends anymore so I chose the no contact. But after two months, he still spent time with her and was super angry and reluctant when I tried to talk. He said he wasn’t that close to her. The girl cheated on her bf of 10years several times. I later got to know he helped her out a lot of times and she was just using him. Not sure if they are dating. Been 4 months now that we’ve talked -the fight. He has blocked me and she did too. And we live in different cities now. Please help. I tried to be the best, but couldn’t deal with him ignoring me and spending time with her.

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    Tia

    August 1, 2019 at 1:52 pm

    Hi Chris.
    My ex and I have been dating for 3 and a half years, however he decided to break up with me at the end of May. I have been trying to contact him but he has blocked me off all social media accounts and even blocked my phone calls. So I’ve decided to implement the NC rule for this month. The relationship did end off on bad terms with both of us accusing each other of not being a good partner, and furthermore families were involved trying to resolve our conflict. Do you think there is a way that I can get him back ?

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    Britney

    July 31, 2019 at 12:26 am

    Hey Chris,
    So my ex boyfriend broke up with me in June and it really was hard for me. After the breakup I did the why questions and wanted to talk but that wasn’t the right move. So after the second week after the breakup I went into the NC rule. I didn’t text call or anything but like a lot of women I broke character and reached out. After that I went right back into it and I’ve been in it ever since. My ex reached out with a simple hey how are you text and I responded but I was short and ended the convo quickly. Couple weeks past he contacted me on my birthday with a long message saying how I was a great woman and he appreciated everything I did for him and his son and that he still cared about me even thought were not together anymore. I was confused A bit but yet I was nice and said thank you. After that I haven’t heard from him but I notice he watches my stories on social media EVERYTIME. What does that mean?

  11. Avatar

    Gloria

    July 30, 2019 at 1:29 pm

    I think my ex is a clueless guy. He’s too busy to even process the whole breakup. I’m scared that no contact wont work on him. My friend asked how he is and he said that he’s fine and that the break up was for the best. I’m 5 days into nc.

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    Tin

    July 25, 2019 at 1:38 pm

    Hi Chris,
    The guy who i’ve been casually dating and ended things with me finally reached out. He ended things through text because the romance fizzled out and I asked him if we could talk in person about it, he told me yes when he’s back in town. I asked if Thursday or Friday work but Haven’t heard from him until 3 days later and asked if Friday is ok. Should i still meet up with him? I didn’t expect him to respond actually so I’ve been reading up on NC. I’m afraid going NC will push Him further away since i was the one asked for this and he has already started moving on.

  13. Avatar

    Tin

    July 24, 2019 at 2:38 am

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve been dating a guy for about 3 months. We’ve been taking it slow (i.e just meeting once every weekend) and I haven’t pushed for more for fear of driving him away or come off as clingy since I felt he was not ready for a commitment as he was so cautious. We haven’t even slept together during that time and he assured me that it was not a dealbeaker and even told me that he admired and respected me for it. Then for the past month or so, our schedules have been busy where either one of us would be out of town or sick. He was on vacation for 2 weeks and we haven’t talked since then because he usually doesn’t text while on vacation. Finally, we are both back in town and made plans to meet up. I called him to nail down our plans but he suddenly texted me that he feels the romance has fizzled and we should stop seeing each other but could remain as friends. We talked briefly and his story turned to him having commitment issues. I feel like he is seeing someone else based on his social media but when I asked him, he said no. I asked him if we could in person and he says yes, when he’s back in town next week. I haven’t talked to him since then. Would the NC rule work with him? I’m worried that the NC rule wouldn’t work given he already feels the romance fizzled and he’s probably seeing someone else and would just forget about me during the NC time.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 24, 2019 at 3:19 am

      Hi Tin….sometimes when the trend is turning negative, it’s time to try a different approach. I think you should consider employing NC in the manner I teach it in my Program. It will do a lot for you personally…some healing and recovery and also allow you time focus on some personal growth goals. And it can also help flush out just how important you are to him as space and time apart can sometimes bring out the truth.

  14. Avatar

    Confused

    July 21, 2019 at 7:01 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Very interesting read. I have a bit different question. Would no contact work to get a bf act in a way I would like him to? We’ve been I a relationship for over 3 years now. I voiced my wishes to him about how I wanted to be treated and what I would like our relationship to be like. He keeps saying he wants to keep the relationship but he would continue acting the same old way and not trying to change anything. After several attempts to talk to him we had a small argument and haven’t talked ever since. Previously he would always reach first if I was upset with him and not talking but this time he still hasn’t after two days. I know it hasn’t been long enough and he still might try reaching .Although I think he might not. I told myself if he really wanted to keep our relationship he would get a hint that it won’t be working the way it is right now and this is why we are not talking. My question is would no contact make him rethink his actions or if he does not want to change anything it would be easier for him to just leave? Also, if he does contact me what my reaction should be? Ideally I’d like him to reach me with something like ” hi, I had time to think , let’s talk about how to make it better”. But as previous experience shows he would just say ” hi, how are you ” as if nothing happened. And once I start responding nothing ever changes. I don’t want it to be like this again. I want a change in our relationship

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    Laura

    July 20, 2019 at 5:10 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thanks for this….you really DO have enlightening suggestions and info…I’m not just blowing smoke…I never honestly thought about meeting and not discussing relationship issues. I Believe he is carrying emotions from being stalked previously…I don’t blame him. Problem is, he suggested 3-4 X that we meet (before he told me that he just wasn’t into me) and he backed out every time. I read your info about the ‘internal convo’…great! I DID call him the other night, he did not reply, I hung up w/o leaving a message. Do you believe my suggesting a meetup is a viable option?

  16. Avatar

    Laura

    July 19, 2019 at 3:57 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Awesome info! Am 55yo, BF is 62…so not our first rodeo. Met and knew instantly that we were soul mates (at our age, we have the credentials to say this, lol). He had been stalked before, didn’t tell me… long story short…I acted insecure, he thought I was stalking him. He brushed me off, I thought he was a player. He refused to talk to me, resorted to email only. Told me he wasn’t ‘into me’. I implemented NC for 45 days, emailed him, told him ‘everything was OK, I understand.’ He responded in a neutral fashion. NC for me for 7 months…yep! He has contacted me every 8-9 weeks since with a flirt or jokes. I finally asked him ‘this feels odd, why are you contacting me?’ He responded with ‘ because you have a sense of humor, because I can, if you prefer I didn’t, it all good’. I responded, ‘I prefer you didn’t’…Chris…brilliant one…your thoughts?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 19, 2019 at 8:06 pm

      Thanks Laura for the kudos….well it is unclear what his level of interest really is. Is he playing a cat and mouse game to protect his feelings or is uncertain….or is he just screwing around and is not seriously contemplating resuming the relationship. You can call him on it in a non direct way. You can suggest you both meet for coffee or etc to just chat. Avoid any relationship talk if he agrees to this. Just think in terms of little steps.

  17. Avatar

    Portia

    July 17, 2019 at 11:25 am

    Hi, for me NC seem impossible. We have a two year old together. We happy for three years, he was always there for me no matter what, he took very good care of me when i was pregnant..he also put me in his medical aid. Then, few months ago he dumped me..im a moody person, and was always naggy.mayb e he got tired of it..but, im so heartbroken and want him back..please help

  18. Avatar

    Dana

    July 11, 2019 at 2:43 am

    So I am NC 45 days. The reason I haven’t stopped is I’m very confused and baffled by his reaction. He started by just sending a few “I can’t believe you aren’t speaking to me texts”. No remorse, no apologies etc. All about him and his feelings. The mid way through, he called but never left a message. Then finally about 2 weeks ago I got an email saying good bye to me and that if I decide not stop ghosting him, I know where to reach him. He never once gave me the validation I was expecting. And he didn’t seem to really care all that much. Making me hold out a tad longer and see. I might be better off letting this carry through???

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 11, 2019 at 1:44 pm

      I think that is a sensible strategy Dana

  19. Avatar

    Anon.

    July 3, 2019 at 6:15 pm

    Hey Chris,

    My boyfriend and I broke up just a couple days after dating for a year. He broke up with me because we fought a lot in the second half of our relationship and he felt that it wouldn’t change. Things had been good for months. But were pretty rough 2 weeks before we broke up. He also had a lot of stress with work at that time. However, he said that he never lost any feelings for me and still loved me very much, but just did not want to work on things anymore. He even made a comment about how he did not want me to fight for him because he was afraid it would work, and he was extremely emotional during our talk. I felt like there were a lot of mixed feelings coming from him, but I respected his wishes and ultimately agreed to break up and have not spoke to him at all since. It has been a week. Does NC work well in situations where you know that you and your ex still love each other, and did not end with animosity toward each other?

  20. Avatar

    Maggie

    July 2, 2019 at 6:02 am

    Hi Chris, thank you for such an insightful article. I am new here and not sure if I can call my situation a NC.
    My boyfriend(or should I say ex) and I broke up last year December(After 2 years of being on and off). I was the one who broke things because we were constantly fighting and it was tiring as I was always the one to be blamed. I am not much of a communicator and I was honest with him from the beginning. He would always tell me how I don’t do certain things correctly, according to how he think it should be done.I felt like he didn’t appreciate my efforts and would make an issue out of everything.
    We didn’t talk at all until this year April when I contacted him because I was missing him. We had a session where we even apologized to each other and he initiated the idea of us getting back together. Because I love him and I don’t see myself dating anyone else I was excited about that as well. Before we started dating we were best friends and shared some deep things that only he knows about me and only I know about him. Our relationship was built on our friendship and that made us even strong(so I thought). When we started talking again, it was like old times until the last week of May where he just ask for my address cause he wanted to courier my birthday gifts. That’s when I knew something was wrong because we had planned on him bringing them and spending the day with him. When I asked him what was going on he sent me a long message telling me how he feels like we can’t work anymore because he can still see the same things I used to do before we broke up and he can’t live like that and we can just continue to be friends nothing more.I was really hurt that he initiated this whole thing only for him to drop me. Because I am very protective of myself I decided that I don’t want friendship with him because I knew it was only gonna hurt both of us in the long run. I told him I don’t even want him in my life anymore, I don’t even want to know if he cares or not.He asked for us to meet and I refused andthat was the last time we spoke. It has been a month now and I am missing him like crazy, what kills me more is not knowing how he is and what’s happening with him. I have been holding back on contacting him because I’m always the one to start contact every time we stop talking.

    Please advise me on what I can do to get through this. I really know I love this guy and I miss my best friend.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 2, 2019 at 3:30 pm

      Hi Maggie…welcome to the site and please enjoy my content. As you know, breakups can be messy and confusing. That is why its best to have a sensible ex recovery plan. Take a deeper dive into my Program “EBR PRO Bundle” as it will help you with the healing and recovery side and also help you fashion a strategy in how to reconnect with your ex.

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