By Rachel

Sometimes we make decisions and we feel a sense of peace, secure with the knowledge that the choice was right, like a weight has been lifted off our chest.
But other times, we start feeling a prickling feeling on the back of our neck, and a nagging feeling that something is not quite right.

When we break up with someone, we, as women, tend to put a lot of thought into it. There are actually studies that show that women tend to take longer to break up with someone, but tend to stick to their decision, while men are more likely to make a snap decision and end the relationship. But they are also more likely to come back.

The good news, though, is that if you ended things with your ex boyfriend but have since decided you want him back, you are already at an advantage, as you were the one to end things.

Many of the steps are the same as if you had been the one to be dumped, but there are some key differences in how you approach things, most importantly beginning with the first step, which is to take some time to assess your initial reasoning for the breakup, and do some serious thinking as to what you really want.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Work out Your Emotions Logically

I cannot stress enough how important it is that you are absolutely sure you want your exboyfriend back before fully throwing yourself into the ExBoyfriend Recovery Program.

The last thing that you want is to get back together with your ex, only to realize your initial reasons for ending the relationship were completely valid, thereby breaking the poor guy’s heart all over again.

I have some experience with this. I was with my first boyfriend way longer than I should have been. I didn’t know how to end things, and so the extremely unhealthy relationship went on for years longer than it should have. Finally, I was able to break up with him. Then months passed. I experienced my first heartbreak 6 months later, and began to miss my first boyfriend. I missed how doting he was, how stable our relationship had felt, how I never questioned his love for me.

I briefly considered trying to see if he would be open to rekindling things again, but after a couple of days of mulling it over, I realized none of those reasons had to do with him. They had to do with being in a relationship. I was lonely and sad and wanted someone to love me. But I didn’t love my ex boyfriend. Going back to him would not have solved any of my problems long term. It only would have fulfilled my need in the moment to not feel like I was alone, and I would absolutely have ended it again. And that wouldn’t have been fair to him, or to me.

Ultimately, it’s a good thing that I didn’t go back to him, because in hindsight, the relationship was extremely tenuous and he was a very possessive, insecure guy who ended up being kind of a creepshow. Dodged that bullet.

So I implore you to do some thinking. You should take some time to assess your reasons for wanting your ex back regardless, but especially if you were the one to end the relationship.

So, if you are wondering how you know if you made the right decision, and you find yourself asking

“Was it a mistake in letting him go?”

“Did I do the Right Thing?”

“What if I broke up with the one?”

Ask yourself the following:

  • Do I miss him, or do I just miss being in a relationship?
  • Am I just lonely?
  • Do I miss the security/stability/familiarity?
  • Am I scared that I’ll never find someone as good for me as he is?
  • Do I simply not want him to be with anyone else?
  • Am I scared to start dating again?

All of these questions are in the same vein: being afraid of the future – yours and his. However, none of these are good reasons to stay with someone. And it is completely normal to regret a decision even if you know it was the right one to make. Part of it is missing that connection, the feeling of being part of a couple.

You will find someone to love you again, but more importantly, you need to take some time to learn to love yourself. Your ex boyfriend may well end up moving on before you. But you have to respect him, and that fact. We all want to be wanted, and I know well the feeling of seeing your ex move on and feeling jealous, even though you were the one to end it. We all want to be the best the one person has ever had, and to live on in their memory as the pinnacle of their happiness. But that simply cannot be. If you decide to let your ex go, let him go fully, with no strings attached.

Societal Expectations

I wrote about this recently on Ex Girlfriend Recovery, but I think it is worth mentioning here as well.

We, as women, face a lot of expectations from society, ranging from how we look, to how we act, to our career or lack thereof. But I won’t get on my feminist soapbox.

What I want to talk about is the societal expectation that women should get married and have babies.

Though this is changing, people make the assumption that these are primary stepping stones in a women’s life. There are even harsh names and stereotypes used for women who haven’t settled down, like “old maid” or “cat lady.” Not to mention, women also have that pesky biological clock. If you want to have children, you are best having your first one by age 35, and if women are to follow society’s dumb expectations, they should be married for some time before embarking on parenthood.

Both of these expectations combined put way more pressure on women to be paired up in a relationship than men. Men don’t have a biological clock, and they are taught from a young age that their careers should be number one, while women tend to prize their relationships with friends and family.

This is a huge thing that I think facilitated my motives in thinking about gtting my ex boyfriend back. I am in my late 20’s, and do eventually want to settle down and have a family one day. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to find someone as perfect as my ex boyfriend, in what I perceived was “limited time.” After time passed, though, I realized that I am quite the catch, and wouldn’t be alone for long. Not to mention, there are so many quality guys out there, many of whom are a better match for me than my ex boyfriend was.

I mention this because these expectations may have something to do with the fears that I listed above, whether consciously or unconsciously. When you are mulling over your reasons for wanting your ex back, take your idea of your role and your expected life path into account. You may be surprised what you uncover.

Getting Him Back

Okay, so say you do all of this emotional work and you decide that you did indeed make a mistake and are desperate to get your ex boyfriend back?

Luckily, the steps are pretty similar to the normal Ex Boyfriend Recovery Process, with a few modifications.

No Contact: So we know that No Contact and self-improvement is an important (if not THE MOST important) part of the process. This is also true if you were the one to end the relationship. Not only should you take the time to consider if ending the relationship is the right call, but you should also give your ex boyfriend space. If you ended things, it’s likely that your ex boyfriend is hurting deeply. You need to give him the time to heal. Yes, he may go out and try to rebound, but you broke up with him. He is allowed to do that. Don’t forgo No Contact just because of that fear. In all likelihood, the idea of you dating around will help him miss you more.

So, to answer your question,

“Can I get him back?”

YES!

Absolutely!

You just have to 100% commit to the Program.

Embrace No Contact as a time to reset.

Make some changes in your life. Even if you were the one to end things, I’m sure that your ex boyfriend had his complaints about you and the relationship. Start working on some of those points so that when you start building rapport, he can see how much you’ve changed.

Rapport Building: I’m not sure what the circumstances of your breakup were. Maybe you cheated or left him for someone else, maybe he was being an immature bum and you were sick of it so you walked away. Whatever the circumstances, though, it’s likely your ex will have a hard time trusting you again.

Imagine if your ex boyfriend came back after ending things – it would be hard to trust him 100% right away again, right? So in addition to all of the other rapport building you’ll be doing, you need to work on regaining trust. And this right here is why you need to be 100% sure that being with him is what you want.

So how does one rebuild trust? Be as truthful as possible. If you make plans, don’t flake, stick to them. Work on regaining emotional intimacy. I think the best way to do that is to talk candidly about the past once the topic of beginning a new relationship is broached. Be as genuine as possible with your ex boyfriend.

He’s been hurt, so it’s going to take some work to destroy the walls that he has up, but if you can get him to open up and be vulnerable (a difficult thing for men to do because of society’s expectations), you’re on the right track to getting your man back.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Buffy and Riley

Even though I hate this pairing, I could not help but think of Buffy and her college boyfriend, Riley while writing this article. It is one of the main times in the series where we see Buffy question her decision regarding one of her romantic relationships.

Riley gets into some dark stuff which I won’t go into here, and Buffy finds out and is hurt and furious. Riley has an opportunity to accept a job that was take him far away from Sunnydale, and he tells Buffy he is going to go “unless you give me a reason to stay.”

Because of her pride, Buffy is stubborn, though it is clear she is torn. But then her friend Xander says the following to her:

“But you missed the point. You shut down, Buffy. And you’ve been treating Riley like the rebound guy. When he’s the one that comes along once in a lifetime. He’s never held back with you. He’s risked everything. And you’re about to let him fly because you don’t like ultimatums? If he’s not the guy, if what he needs from you just isn’t there, let him go. Break his heart, and make it a clean break. But if you really think you can love this guy… I’m talking scary, messy, no-emotions-barred need… if you’re ready for that… then think about what you’re about to lose.”
– Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Into the Woods”

Now, I have my own problems with this speech (and with Xander in general), but I think the passage (especially the end of it), makes clear what I mean when I talk about making the decision to try to get your ex back. If you know, deep in your gut that this guy isn’t for you, but you’re scared to let go, be brave and cut the cord. But if you come to the conclusion you made a mistake and want to try again with this guy, then fight for him. “Run.” as Xander says.

Once you’ve made the active decision that your exboyfriend is the guy for you, you should proceed the same as you would in any other situation. But be aware your ex may be hurt, and it may take more work to push through the emotional wall he’s put up.

They key is to get him to trust you again. And not in a manipulative, desperate way, but in a way full of patience, devotion, and love.

So, here is what we’re are prepared to do for you.

Let’s have a chat about your situation in the comments below.

  1. Tell me what your relationship was like before the breakup.
  2. What your breakup was actually like?
  3. What you have done since breakup?

And I will help you get to the bottom on if you have a good, average or low chance of getting your ex back. From there  We’ll equip you so you will be able to make a smart decision on how you want to approach this regret that you are dealing with.

What to Read Next

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99 thoughts on “I Regret Breaking Up With My Ex Boyfriend; How Can I Get Him Back?”

  1. Avatar

    Selena

    May 13, 2020 at 3:34 am

    The relationship was good but he was really into his video games and at times would be on it while I was with him. I broke up with him because the night before he didn’t answer his phone because he was playing video games. I would have thought he would have called or texted me but he didn’t. So the next day he texted and called me and I was still upset and I told him why and told him I feel numb about things and he hung up on me. I texted him saying I was done and that was it. Since the breakup I have been working and focusing on myself. I do miss him but I also feel he didn’t put as much effort as I did in the relationship.

  2. Avatar

    me

    April 27, 2020 at 7:26 pm

    We met a year ago and started the long distance relationship (different countries).For the last 2 months, just right after Valentine, he became so preoccupied at work and emotionally distant from me. I had difficulty in reaching him even over the weekends. He kept explaining that hewas just busy. Last week, i was at my low state as i had some problems at work and i needed him to talk. It was the time that i needed himthe most.I tried to call but he didnt reply or answer. It was Saturday night.I was so mad and sad, therefore i texted him on Sunday that i couldnt continue the relationship anymore as i felt so alone in it. He didnt reply. On Monday i regretted as i knew my words hurt him (and me),so i texted him that i would like us to discuss abt it heart to heart.He didnt reply and kept silent.Two days after i asked him abt some phone stuff and he answered. But then when i told him how sorry i was for hurting him, he didnt reply it again. I tried not to contact him but i felt so deeply hurted that i had said something bad to him.I started questioning again whether i was so not understanding him and was i being so needy. Two days ago i messaged him, asking him to callas i think we both need to talk, its been a week since i dumped him. As i predicted, he didnt call.Im not sure what i want. I love him and i want him back but i dont know how. Other part of me wants me to be happy too, wanna be loved as much as i loved. This part was dissappointed when he easily had let me go without fighting.

  3. Avatar

    Sydney

    March 24, 2020 at 2:06 pm

    Hello, i started dating with guy back in high school my junior year, i broke up with him after 3 months but then gave him another chance, He then broke up with me 2 more times and slept with someone in that time but we got back together 4 years ago. Things were going well. He moved in with me and my dad about a year ago and at first things were really good. But recently he was on his phone a lot. He wouldn’t give me the attention i needed. He wouldn’t hold me, he wouldn’t compliment me , i tried to compromise about how he spent his time and he didn’t want to compromise so i asked him to move back down to his house. This was in January, Since then he would text me everyday but i would only say one word responses back. I felt like if i broke up with him it would fix the relationship and i felt like i had no other choice. I wanted to take things slow and i would hang out with him every couple of days, but some times i would feel really depressed after he left and i couldn’t figure out why. I kept asking myself if i was making the right decision. Recently it was hurting me more to talk to him hoping for something to give me a sign than it was if i didn’t text him so i told him i just straight up didn’t want to fix anything anymore. I was still hurt. We talked on and off and about a week ago he said he would have been bothered if he saw me out with someone else and then asked me to hangout with him which i couldn’t because i was doing things already. Two days went by and i texted him and he said another girl had messaged him and he was just having a conversation with her which he wanted to do with me but i would always fight with him. I asked him to talk and we saw each other and i broke down crying and apologized and said this wasn’t what i wanted after all and he said he has to get his mind right first and that he isn’t capable of making me happy. He doesn’t want to change to the point that he doesn’t know who he is. I since then tried to pour out my feelings to him because that is what i would want someone to do to be but it had just pushed him away. I miss him and all i want to do is talk to him and have him back in my life. I fought with him when i shouldn’t of and i played games because i thought it would change him. I feel like i am dying inside now and have no idea what to do.

  4. Avatar

    Danielle

    February 18, 2020 at 6:27 pm

    I’m 24 and On the 31st January my Dad passed away, obviously I’ve been trying to deal with the grief but my boyfriend had distanced himself. On the 13th February my boyfriend was out and he wouldn’t answer my calls or texts (which he has never done before) and when he got home he was drunk and we argued because he told me “not to start” on the 14th he rang me after I said we needed to talk and we ended up breaking up due to him not wanting my younger sister to live with us (she’s 19 and my dad was her only parent and she’s off to uni in September so has no where to live) he said he felt a lot of pressure to look after her and said he felt like he was losing myself so I made the decision to leave ( we’ve been together 3 years and lived together 7 months) because i didn’t want to leave my younger sister and I didn’t want to put that pressure on him, a couple of hours later I rang him and said I didn’t want this and could we work something out and he told me “he had to think about it” which hurt me deeply as I was trying to explain Id sort something out with my sister but in the end he agreed it wouldn’t work so this hurt me even more. I packed all my stuff and sent him a message about how he’s broken my heart and I need him right now and that night I got a massive feeling of regret and tried ringing him and text him all my feelings and a plan of what we could do and could he please just talk to me?? I haven’t heard anything from him since but today he came into work to drop a package off that had been delivered to his house and he saw me and just walked away. This is my first long term relationship and I have so much stress right now and it’s killing me him not talking to me, it’s my dads funeral on Monday and I really want him there but he just won’t acknowledge my existence, I guess I just want some reassurance that we can get back to how we was and I just really want to know if he’s done with me forever and that’s why he’s ignoring me? I know he’s hurting too and that hurts me knowing I’ve done that, I’m just really at a loss and haven’t stopped crying for the past 5 days and would just love to know what to do please!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 5:50 pm

      Hi Danielle, I am so sorry for your loss of your father and the way your ex has dealt with the situation with your sister too. The fact she is 19 and going to university soon and he couldnt see that being acceptable until September shows you how selfish and immature he really is. I would take some time to grieve your loss and let yourself build your strength and realise that you deserve someone much better and more supportive than your ex. Even if he was not ready to be somewhat of a guardian your sister is already an adult so it is not as if you were taking on a child full time. Focus on healing and getting over the trauma you’ve had to face <3

  5. Avatar

    Kiara

    February 9, 2020 at 12:23 am

    I broke how with my partner of 12 years almost a year ago as we never saw each other and had busy schedules however he never made the effort to prioritise me when he did have spare time and would use this to. Meet with friends. He was heartbroken and begged me to go back to him and I refused as I couldn’t see a way forward however after 3 months I started to meet up with him. Weve been meeting up and dating again for 9 months now and it seems as though he enjoys this but is reluctant to become officially a couple again and says he is enjoying his life right now and is unsure. I don’t know if we will get back together but we get on so well I’m just utterly confused, please help and advise.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 17, 2020 at 9:26 am

      Hi Kiara, he may just be being cautious as he was hurt the first time around. I suggest that if you want him in a relationship that you do not sleep with him until you are official a couple again. Giving him boyfriend privileges before you are officially a couple is going to put you in a friends with benefits situation.

  6. Avatar

    Hayley

    January 10, 2020 at 6:41 pm

    Hi everyone, I have been separated for nearly 6 months now. I have done no contact and worked hard to become the ungettable girl. He never messages apart from one txt on Christmas Day. This situation is a result from me telling him to leave me because he had said previously thst he didn’t love me. We had a very one sided relationship. After 5 years I wanted to feel secure. He left and we agreed to be friends. Is it wrong that I still feel the urge to be with him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:46 pm

      Hi Hayley, so we can not help who we do love. And if he doesn’t feel the same way that is painful for you to deal with. So as you have compelted NC have you started the texting phase? And have you started casually dating too? Meeting new people is going to help you feel better about what type of person you want to be in a relationship with, even though you want your ex there has to be things that you do not like about this guy. So list them and focus on that list when you feel that “urge” as you call it to be with him.

  7. Avatar

    Carrie-Anne

    December 16, 2019 at 2:34 pm

    I called a break on my 5 year relationship back in January this year. I’m extroverted and very loving whereas he was introverted and more logical. I felt in my heart that he didn’t love me and I needed to feel that he did. He said he found it hard to show me he loved me because I moan too much. We tried again for 6 months and in August I ended things. We’d been on a week’s holiday and he hadn’t cuddled me or held my hand once for the entire week, I felt so sad inside. When I ended things he agreed to the split and said we were too different. I tried to see him to talk about it but he didn’t want to. I turned up at his house 5 weeks later and he was in a relationship with a girl from work. It’s been 4 months now and I still regret our breakup. I can see the problems on both sides (mainly communication) and wish we could have resolved it. I’ve tried dating but no one compares to him. He messaged me 3 months after our split to say he would send me money for our stuff. I convinced myself he was making contact to test the water and I tried reaching out with a few messages saying I missed him and regretted the split but I haven’t heard anything back. He’s still with the girl from work. Do I need to accept and move on? I don’t even know where to begin, I honestly loved him so much I just felt so unloved and unappreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 16, 2019 at 11:38 pm

      Hi Carrie Anne, so you need to go into No Contact and work on becoming Ungettable which can be found on this website to help you show your ex you are doing great without him and then when you reach out at the end of your no contact he can see a big difference in you and want to get to know the new you again

  8. Avatar

    Kelly

    November 26, 2019 at 2:01 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months because I felt as though he didn’t show me that he cared enough. He barely called like he used to and never really complimented me anymore or thanked me like he used to. I get that honeymoon phases are a thing, but I still think effort is important. I have communicated with him about this, and he never fixed it. Our last conversation about it he said he was tired of having this talk, and that he doesn’t know what to say if I think he doesn’t care. That’s when the relationship ended. I texted him the next night telling him I just wish he tried more and made more of an effort (I broke NC already) and that he should try to think about other people more often. He responded saying I just sound more angry than anything and it doesn’t sound like I miss him. I said I do miss him, and i’m angry that I miss him and then he never replied. Would NC maybe help him realize he didn’t put in any effort? Or did I throw that out the window with being angry and blowing up his phone

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 30, 2019 at 11:35 pm

      Hi Kelly, so yes you need to do No Contact 1 – to see if he reaches out to you in that time considering youve told him you feel like he doesnt care. 2 – for you to have some time to work on yourself and emotional reactions.

  9. Avatar

    Melissa

    November 18, 2019 at 1:33 pm

    I broke up with my long-distance boyfriend of almost 2 years, a little less than 3 months ago. I had just gotten out of a 12-year marriage and he also had just left an 8 year marriage. We met through our ex’s as they were having an affair, leading us to each other. We leaned on each other to heal and it worked for a while. Eventually, I realized though i had to work through the hurt I had previously experienced so I could give him what he deserved, my whole heart. I have done a lot of work in that time and realized I maybe made the wrong decision to break it off. I miss having him in my life and worry that maybe he might be the one that got away. I messaged him recently but haven’t heard back. I know he really loved me and was very hurt when I broke it off. I know I should probably just leave it alone but I miss us. Should I just move on with my life and hope for the best with the regret I feel?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 12:39 pm

      Hi Melissa, so if you have got over what your ex has done then you can reach out and see how he feels about talking to you again but start off as being his friend and build it up as you did the first time. If you have not dealt with those feelings then continue to work on yourself. When you are cheated on there is a lot of emotions people need to go through before they can be over that, it does not mean that you wont develop feelings for someone else, but some people need to be alone to get over the first initial break up before they can full commit, like yourself. When you have done the work needed to forgive your ex before, then you can work on building a new relationship with the new guy if thats what you want by that time.

  10. Avatar

    Ann

    November 1, 2019 at 11:49 pm

    Hi,
    Me and my ex boyfriend had big fight and he told me so many mean things. I broke up with him after that but now I regret that. He block me after that and now after couple days he unblock me. He told me he wants time for thinking if he wants be with me. I really don’t know what does that mean. I try text him but he is ignoring my messages. Also we are in long distance relationship and it is not first time we broke up. I really love him and i want get him back. Im not sure if he want move on or he is still thinking about me. I saw him on dating app too.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2019 at 2:12 pm

      Hi Ann so if hes asked for time then allow him to think and make a decision if you call him and hassle him it isnt going to keep him

  11. Avatar

    Ann

    October 27, 2019 at 4:40 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I had big fight. He told me so many mean things and I couldn’t forgive him right away so I broke up with him. He block me after that. Now after couples days I really want him back. I told him many rude things too and I’m feeling sad. This is not first time we broke up and I don’t know if this will work out.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 27, 2019 at 7:39 pm

      Hi Ann, if you want your ex back, you are going to give yourself your best chance by following the steps advised by Chris starting with No Contact

  12. Avatar

    Lila

    August 15, 2019 at 1:32 am

    Hi,thankyou so much for the article.im in a real mess right now.i was with my boyfriend for a few months and it was really serious and we decided to get married soon…but my mom was always against him..hated him too much.she was always poisoning me against him and I ended up ditching him really and without even giving him a reason .now I really want him back…it’s been 4 months and he’s already dating a friend of his.he thinks all that time I used him for stuff and was never serious about him..which isn’t true.

  13. Avatar

    Nadia

    May 28, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    I broke up with my ex boyfriend after two years. We were extremely in love but he had commitment issues and towards the end I suspected infidelity and became complacent. After leaving him he waited several weeks to call me back. He didn’t expect the breakup to stick and I was in a rebound relationship a month later. I was so upset by how things ended with my ex I told him we’d never reconcile. He pursued me for 3 months. I finally told him if I hadn’t moved on I would have considered giving him a second try but I am in a relationship. I ended my rebound relationship but my ex who I was with for 2 years is now in a relationship. I contacted him and he said he believes she is a rebound and he’s still upset he’s not with me but I broke his heart and he isn’t sure that he could trust me and how does he know I won’t do this again. Anyhow I contacted him off and on for 2 months and decided I couldn’t do it anymore.It was torture for me because I was experiencing the breakup all over again as a single person. I’m open to dating others but I know now that he’s what I want. Especially since he made positive changes since I left. He expressed he wants me in his future and thinks of me all the time. I did all of the reaching out the past two months. He reached out first once. But told me he likes when we talk and he’ll reach out more if I want him too. We even met up for a few minutes and the chemistry was palpable but we kept it light and only exchanged hugs. A few weeks later I told him I still cared for him but the dynamic isn’t healthy bc I want to be with him not friends with him. I told him I’d love to hear from him in the future if he reconsiders. It seemed like he wanted me to chase him and I was becoming bitter bc I did have valid reasons for leaving. He never responded when I texted and it’s been 4 days and he always responds. This is coming from the guy who said he wanted to marry me, move in and be a step dad to my daughter. I’m not sure if I came on too strong or if he is just figuring things out. We have both said we believed we were soulmates in the past and I don’t want to lose him forever.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 28, 2019 at 10:07 pm

      Hi Nadia…so its always good to have a sensible ex recovery plan. Take a look at some of the resources I offer (EBR PRO Bundle) as I think it will help with your situation.

  14. Avatar

    Honey bunny

    May 21, 2019 at 12:42 pm

    Hey ,so i brole up with my boyfriend after being in a relationship for 1.4 yrs…he was the most sweetest guy on earth but as i got out of a bad breakup ,i literally took him for granted.but the main reason i broke up with him is cuz he was 2 yrs younger than me.i couldnt handle the pressure that was coming from my families nd friends.so i broke up with him eventhough i cared about him so much…at that time i just felt like he wasnt going to be ready anytime soon…for marriage and stuff…i un friended him on fb…for 5 months but when he asked me why i did that i added him back…nd he tried to keep contact with me eventhough i knew if we did that we would end up together so i refused to meet up with him…in the mean time i was going through depression…nd just became soo occupied with my well being…after 6 months of break up,i met a guy who seemed to be a great guy but turned out to be a narccissist…so after dating him for 5 months we decided to end things… after that ive been single for over a year.nd started to respond tomy ex…as i was more of myself nd settled…he has always been trying to reach out thes past 2 yrs…and i didnt want to meet up with him…so about a month ago i called him after a long time nd texted each other a couple of times…and i asked him if he would like to hv coffee by text but he didnt reply for a day,then i texted him saying how about we grab some food nd he replied back by saying,i would like too…then i texted him u seem to be busy thesedays nd he went all silent on me for 5 days.after that i sent him a text saying i thought we both wanted to meet up ,anyways am sotty for whatever happened between us…sorry that i was selfish nd didnt consider ur feelings…then after 3 days he said to me by text”you did the right thing why r u apologizing “….after that i texted him saying”you havent been replying to my text nd i felt like u r mad at me”…after that its been a week nd he hasnt replyed or texted me back.do u beleive that there is a chance of us getting back together?if not i dont want to bother him..

  15. Avatar

    Olivia

    May 20, 2019 at 12:50 am

    Thank you for answering all my questions 🙂 yes will be checking for an open slot this week, I look forward to speaking with u/ur team. I’ll be focusing on my recovery in the mean time, I think a medium/long time line is the minimum for me.. I never rly doubted his feelings before but I told my sister about it and and she said he was just testing to see if I would respond and when he could see I still had some feelings and hadn’t moved on, he was satisfied and so stopped replying. I know I shouldn’t be examining everything like a sign but even in the picture how he immediately stopped replying once I said I’m willing to wait, I think that may kind of be true. 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 20, 2019 at 3:27 am

      Hi again Olivia…so if you check our Coaching Page, you will see that we have opened up the Coaching Calendar. Anna Gonowon, my Senior Coach, who is terrific by the way, should have some slots available. Yes, guys will do that..test and probe…sometimes pulling off….then trying again later.

  16. Avatar

    Olivia

    May 18, 2019 at 4:37 am

    Thank you for the reply, Chris! I have taken a look at your programs and I saw that you’ve been fully booked for one on one coaching this month so I’ve decided to sign up on the waiting list, meanwhile looking through some of the interesting stuff on your website. I want one-on-one as I feel my situation is really different, though I’m sure everyone’s Situation is unique. What I’m a little worried about is whether he would ever change, because I don’t see how it could work if he doesn’t become more responsible.. I just want him to try and improve, but I tried to be supportive for two years and he would try for a little bit and then give up and go back to his drinking all day ways, and I just don’t know if it’s worth it anymore. Would you say better communication and relationship may help towards that or maybe I should consider really just moving on completely? Because I just don’t see how telling him he needed to change before we can get together was well received. I know we love each other and felt like it was special but I don’t know anymore if that’s enough.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 18, 2019 at 11:13 pm

      Hi Olivia….thanks for signing up for the waiting list. Feel free to keep checking the Coaching links to see when we open up the calendar. Should be within the week. I don’t advise moving on until you have exhausted all reasonable efforts. But meanwhile, your focus should be on your ongoing healing/recovery and personal growth. Time is your friend and often it smooths out these things with a little help

  17. Avatar

    Olivia

    May 17, 2019 at 2:54 am

    Hello Chris/Amor,

    I had a very messy relationship with my ex as he was drinking a lot and not being responsible finding a job and improving himself. We broke up a lot over the last 2 years we were together, mainly initiated by me and sometimes we’re apart for months but somehow always ended up patching up. This time he really went over the line turning up at my place at 6am drunk when my younger sister was here and he was really rude because I wouldn’t let him in. I was so angry and messaged him that he could never come back again and then blocked him. He sent me a long text msg saying he’s really sorry and to not be upset abt it as it was all his fault and to take care and all the best. I sent him back a long message, heart broken at the time, saying thank you for the message and that I didn’t hate him and I still love him and to take care too. For 2 weeks we didn’t say anything and then he texted out of the blue to ask how I was and if I was still mad at him and that he was missing me. I didn’t reply. A week later he messaged me saying he’s rly sorry and he loves me and didn’t blame him if I didn’t want to speak with him again. I didn’t reply again. After that another week later, he starts trying to call me saying he really loves me and is sorry and won’t drink around me again. I decided to respond by saying that it’s not just the drinking and if he was rly sorry to respect my wishes to move on. He said he really just wants to talk to me which I didn’t Respond to. A few days later he tried calling me in the middle of the night saying he’s sister is in hospital and to call him pls. I called him and then we spoke for around 10 minutes, which was at first abt his sister and then he tried to swerve the topic and said sorry and that he wish he could take back that night, and that he wouldn’t drink around me. I said that’s not good enough, and he said I know, I know u want me to not drink full stop. And after asking him questions he said he hadn’t been looking for job because he had been having a lot of stress in his life. He said he knew I still had love for him. Anyway he could tell I was done because I said it myself and asked me “u’ve really gone off me now haven’t u?” And I just agreed with mmmm. And then the conversation was killed because his phone died. So then he messaged me a while later to say his phone died and to call him tomorrow if I’m tired but only up to me. I texted him saying that I appreciate him saying sorry and he won’t drink around me again but I said u know that’s not just it. And that I would only say this once – u have a drinking problem and yet u keep drinking and u don’t try to find work, I know u have a lot of stress in ur life but I don’t want to try again, I rly don’t have the energy if ur going to keep on drinking and not doing anything to improve. He texted saying I should be asleep right now (it was 3 or 4am) and that I know how much he loved me and that he is sorry that he offended me and that he promise because he rly cares abt me and doesn’t want to lose me he will stop everything. Just one more chance is all he was asking for. I replied (and this maybe was my mistake…): yes about to go bed, having sahur as it’s ramadan. Thank u for saying all that. I think ur sweet and I want to believe as well that u will stop everything. But I need to see it happen first and I’m willing to wait a little to see if it does from afar. I don’t think it’s smth that can happen overnight and I don’t want us to try again until u’ve rly stopped and tried to get a job because I know we’re just going to end up falling out again”. Now it’s been 5-6 days and he didn’t say anything. I’m just wondering did I say the wrong thing? I do love him still but I know it won’t work if he doesn’t change, but I don’t know if saying I’m willing to wait for him was a little too much like I was getting ahead of myself? And whether I should just protect myself and not respond anymore to his texts? And I don’t know whether I confused him because now suddenly I’m giving him hope again and maybe that makes him confused and feel upset.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 17, 2019 at 4:36 pm

      Hi Olivia….usually its best to have a solid and sensible ex recovery plan so you don’t get lost in the minutia of if this went right or wrong. Take a look at Program as it take a more holistic look at how you might want to approach all of this.

  18. Avatar

    Marie

    May 1, 2019 at 9:28 pm

    Long story short we were engaged for 6 months and I sort of dragged my feet in the whole wedding thing and eventually broke it off after months of counseling. I miss him terribly and regret my decision but he’s ignoring me. I don’t know what to do. I’ve texted a few times with minimal response if any at all.

  19. Avatar

    Farrah

    May 1, 2019 at 6:36 pm

    Hi,
    I was with my boyfriend for 14 months we moved in together 7 months ago. Around November it got rocky and we had our first break up he moved out for a week, due to me being impulsive. And again Feb, he left for two days I asked him to come back. And this time in April I got upset because he was thinking of going to Cal Poly which is far. And I was not having it I got upset told him to leave. Of course I didn’t mean it. Our relationship was a little rocky this year, constant fighting. But I regretted it a week later I begged him to come back he said no that his feelings for me were gone and I must learn and move on that he not coming back. He has never ever said this me. It hurt to I begged. And he blocked me . Then I tried no contact, didn’t last I waited on week. Asked if I was still blocked he said nope then 2nd text you haven’t been for a while. Then I responded with I never got closure and some long text about I must accept it he wants space . (Because thy day I asked him to leave it got bad he called me names made me cry and got a little violent with my things.) anyways he didn’t respond to my long text. So then the next day I text again and I called once. I still wasn’t blocked but he did ignore me. So I went to No contact again. I do miss him. And I can’t believe he hasn’t appoglized to me for the way he acted the last time we seen each other. What should I do?

  20. Avatar

    Lyne

    April 28, 2019 at 11:18 am

    I knew my ex 3 months before we started dating. For him it was love at first sight and he spend months to win over my heart. When I finally opened up to him, I fell in love. We dated for a 6 weeks. He was so sweet, funny, charming. We were so alike! But after 4 weeks, he changed. Took distance. Messages got less frequent, his behaviour slowly changed. We both have the same demanding job with a lot of days abroad. For him it is his first job (I’m 6y older) and recently problems occured in his private life. So he was very busy. When he gosted me for 3 days, I decided I couldn’t handle the situation anymore. I didn’t know what I did wrong and he didn’t want to explain. His cold behaviour broke my heart. So I broke up with him because I felt I didn’t have a choice. 3 weeks later I still miss him so much. I did no contact immediatelly. But we are still in the same Whatsapp group due to our job. I don’t repply to what he posts in there and vise versa. I can’t leave the group sinse I need it occasionally for my job.

    Can I reach out to him casually after 3 weeks or do I need to wait longer?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 28, 2019 at 5:58 pm

      Hi Lynnn….so if you are employing No Contact, then a 21 days NC period may be a good fit for your situation. In my Program, I discuss in detail the texting strategy you can use to make contact.

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