By Rachel

Sometimes we make decisions and we feel a sense of peace, secure with the knowledge that the choice was right, like a weight has been lifted off our chest.
But other times, we start feeling a prickling feeling on the back of our neck, and a nagging feeling that something is not quite right.

When we break up with someone, we, as women, tend to put a lot of thought into it. There are actually studies that show that women tend to take longer to break up with someone, but tend to stick to their decision, while men are more likely to make a snap decision and end the relationship. But they are also more likely to come back.

The good news, though, is that if you ended things with your ex boyfriend but have since decided you want him back, you are already at an advantage, as you were the one to end things.

Many of the steps are the same as if you had been the one to be dumped, but there are some key differences in how you approach things, most importantly beginning with the first step, which is to take some time to assess your initial reasoning for the breakup, and do some serious thinking as to what you really want.

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Work out Your Emotions Logically

I cannot stress enough how important it is that you are absolutely sure you want your exboyfriend back before fully throwing yourself into the ExBoyfriend Recovery Program.

The last thing that you want is to get back together with your ex, only to realize your initial reasons for ending the relationship were completely valid, thereby breaking the poor guy’s heart all over again.

I have some experience with this. I was with my first boyfriend way longer than I should have been. I didn’t know how to end things, and so the extremely unhealthy relationship went on for years longer than it should have. Finally, I was able to break up with him. Then months passed. I experienced my first heartbreak 6 months later, and began to miss my first boyfriend. I missed how doting he was, how stable our relationship had felt, how I never questioned his love for me.

I briefly considered trying to see if he would be open to rekindling things again, but after a couple of days of mulling it over, I realized none of those reasons had to do with him. They had to do with being in a relationship. I was lonely and sad and wanted someone to love me. But I didn’t love my ex boyfriend. Going back to him would not have solved any of my problems long term. It only would have fulfilled my need in the moment to not feel like I was alone, and I would absolutely have ended it again. And that wouldn’t have been fair to him, or to me.

Ultimately, it’s a good thing that I didn’t go back to him, because in hindsight, the relationship was extremely tenuous and he was a very possessive, insecure guy who ended up being kind of a creepshow. Dodged that bullet.

So I implore you to do some thinking. You should take some time to assess your reasons for wanting your ex back regardless, but especially if you were the one to end the relationship.

So, if you are wondering how you know if you made the right decision, and you find yourself asking

“Was it a mistake in letting him go?”

“Did I do the Right Thing?”

“What if I broke up with the one?”

Ask yourself the following:

  • Do I miss him, or do I just miss being in a relationship?
  • Am I just lonely?
  • Do I miss the security/stability/familiarity?
  • Am I scared that I’ll never find someone as good for me as he is?
  • Do I simply not want him to be with anyone else?
  • Am I scared to start dating again?

All of these questions are in the same vein: being afraid of the future – yours and his. However, none of these are good reasons to stay with someone. And it is completely normal to regret a decision even if you know it was the right one to make. Part of it is missing that connection, the feeling of being part of a couple.

You will find someone to love you again, but more importantly, you need to take some time to learn to love yourself. Your ex boyfriend may well end up moving on before you. But you have to respect him, and that fact. We all want to be wanted, and I know well the feeling of seeing your ex move on and feeling jealous, even though you were the one to end it. We all want to be the best the one person has ever had, and to live on in their memory as the pinnacle of their happiness. But that simply cannot be. If you decide to let your ex go, let him go fully, with no strings attached.

Societal Expectations

I wrote about this recently on Ex Girlfriend Recovery, but I think it is worth mentioning here as well.

We, as women, face a lot of expectations from society, ranging from how we look, to how we act, to our career or lack thereof. But I won’t get on my feminist soapbox.

What I want to talk about is the societal expectation that women should get married and have babies.

Though this is changing, people make the assumption that these are primary stepping stones in a women’s life. There are even harsh names and stereotypes used for women who haven’t settled down, like “old maid” or “cat lady.” Not to mention, women also have that pesky biological clock. If you want to have children, you are best having your first one by age 35, and if women are to follow society’s dumb expectations, they should be married for some time before embarking on parenthood.

Both of these expectations combined put way more pressure on women to be paired up in a relationship than men. Men don’t have a biological clock, and they are taught from a young age that their careers should be number one, while women tend to prize their relationships with friends and family.

This is a huge thing that I think facilitated my motives in thinking about gtting my ex boyfriend back. I am in my late 20’s, and do eventually want to settle down and have a family one day. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to find someone as perfect as my ex boyfriend, in what I perceived was “limited time.” After time passed, though, I realized that I am quite the catch, and wouldn’t be alone for long. Not to mention, there are so many quality guys out there, many of whom are a better match for me than my ex boyfriend was.

I mention this because these expectations may have something to do with the fears that I listed above, whether consciously or unconsciously. When you are mulling over your reasons for wanting your ex back, take your idea of your role and your expected life path into account. You may be surprised what you uncover.

Getting Him Back

Okay, so say you do all of this emotional work and you decide that you did indeed make a mistake and are desperate to get your ex boyfriend back?

Luckily, the steps are pretty similar to the normal Ex Boyfriend Recovery Process, with a few modifications.

No Contact: So we know that No Contact and self-improvement is an important (if not THE MOST important) part of the process. This is also true if you were the one to end the relationship. Not only should you take the time to consider if ending the relationship is the right call, but you should also give your ex boyfriend space. If you ended things, it’s likely that your ex boyfriend is hurting deeply. You need to give him the time to heal. Yes, he may go out and try to rebound, but you broke up with him. He is allowed to do that. Don’t forgo No Contact just because of that fear. In all likelihood, the idea of you dating around will help him miss you more.

So, to answer your question,

“Can I get him back?”

YES!

Absolutely!

You just have to 100% commit to the Program.

Embrace No Contact as a time to reset.

Make some changes in your life. Even if you were the one to end things, I’m sure that your ex boyfriend had his complaints about you and the relationship. Start working on some of those points so that when you start building rapport, he can see how much you’ve changed.

Rapport Building: I’m not sure what the circumstances of your breakup were. Maybe you cheated or left him for someone else, maybe he was being an immature bum and you were sick of it so you walked away. Whatever the circumstances, though, it’s likely your ex will have a hard time trusting you again.

Imagine if your ex boyfriend came back after ending things – it would be hard to trust him 100% right away again, right? So in addition to all of the other rapport building you’ll be doing, you need to work on regaining trust. And this right here is why you need to be 100% sure that being with him is what you want.

So how does one rebuild trust? Be as truthful as possible. If you make plans, don’t flake, stick to them. Work on regaining emotional intimacy. I think the best way to do that is to talk candidly about the past once the topic of beginning a new relationship is broached. Be as genuine as possible with your ex boyfriend.

He’s been hurt, so it’s going to take some work to destroy the walls that he has up, but if you can get him to open up and be vulnerable (a difficult thing for men to do because of society’s expectations), you’re on the right track to getting your man back.

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Buffy and Riley

Even though I hate this pairing, I could not help but think of Buffy and her college boyfriend, Riley while writing this article. It is one of the main times in the series where we see Buffy question her decision regarding one of her romantic relationships.

Riley gets into some dark stuff which I won’t go into here, and Buffy finds out and is hurt and furious. Riley has an opportunity to accept a job that was take him far away from Sunnydale, and he tells Buffy he is going to go “unless you give me a reason to stay.”

Because of her pride, Buffy is stubborn, though it is clear she is torn. But then her friend Xander says the following to her:

“But you missed the point. You shut down, Buffy. And you’ve been treating Riley like the rebound guy. When he’s the one that comes along once in a lifetime. He’s never held back with you. He’s risked everything. And you’re about to let him fly because you don’t like ultimatums? If he’s not the guy, if what he needs from you just isn’t there, let him go. Break his heart, and make it a clean break. But if you really think you can love this guy… I’m talking scary, messy, no-emotions-barred need… if you’re ready for that… then think about what you’re about to lose.”
– Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Into the Woods”

Now, I have my own problems with this speech (and with Xander in general), but I think the passage (especially the end of it), makes clear what I mean when I talk about making the decision to try to get your ex back. If you know, deep in your gut that this guy isn’t for you, but you’re scared to let go, be brave and cut the cord. But if you come to the conclusion you made a mistake and want to try again with this guy, then fight for him. “Run.” as Xander says.

Once you’ve made the active decision that your exboyfriend is the guy for you, you should proceed the same as you would in any other situation. But be aware your ex may be hurt, and it may take more work to push through the emotional wall he’s put up.

They key is to get him to trust you again. And not in a manipulative, desperate way, but in a way full of patience, devotion, and love.

So, here is what we’re are prepared to do for you.

Let’s have a chat about your situation in the comments below.

  1. Tell me what your relationship was like before the breakup.
  2. What your breakup was actually like?
  3. What you have done since breakup?

And I will help you get to the bottom on if you have a good, average or low chance of getting your ex back. From there  We’ll equip you so you will be able to make a smart decision on how you want to approach this regret that you are dealing with.

112 thoughts on “I Regret Breaking Up With My Ex Boyfriend; How Can I Get Him Back?”

  1. Rachael

    August 15, 2018 at 6:40 am

    Hi,

    I was with my ex boyfriend for nearly 3 years. We met at uni and it was great, lots of fun and special times. Towards the end of our relationship it was obvious that he was into going out and getting drunk a lot more than I was and if drink was involved we’d normally end up arguing. I started training to be a teacher and decided to break up with him. I then got into another relationship about a month or so afterwards which ended after six months – it was a very toxic relationship. It’s now been just over a month since that breakup and I messaged my original ex boyfriend after not speaking for almost a year. We met and went for lunch and he says he still has feelings for me and I felt those feelings come rushing back. I now cant stop thinking avoabout him and whether I should have even have broken up wirh him in the first place. He wants to meet up again but right now doesn’t know how to act upon his feelings because of the hurt of the break up. What do I do? Keep meeting and building rapport with him to see if there is a chance that we could rekindle our relationship?

    R

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:46 pm

      Yes, Rachael…I think you go slow like you don’t know each other and rebuild trust and the connection. Also, you might want to take a look at joining my Private Facebook Support Group as there is a lot of sharing and idea exchanges within the group about matters like this.

  2. Yoyo

    February 18, 2018 at 10:09 pm

    HI Amor,
    thanks for replying my message.
    Re you comments on 18th Feb “Did he say he still loves and wanted to work on things when you bumped into him at an event?”
    Well the day we bumped into each other, he was explaining himself a lot as i was quite pissed of how things ended last Dec when we talked on the phone and he said he wanted to some time and space apart… that day he was still acting nice and communicative. He said “you know you can call me and chat to me any time you want.” Also he said he’s doing many things to make himself happy again, but just not actively dating as he still needs some time… i can tell somehow he still has feelings about us.
    It’s been almost a month now…. i guess………. he moved on… but i just wish he could tell me in person. He’s not a coward / cold / uncommunicative guy!
    Thanks again for your advice!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2018 at 2:21 pm

      Sorry, but it looks like you had thr wrong impression.. To me, he just wanted to be friendly..he didn’t say he wanted to get back with you..

  3. Daneille Lopez

    February 18, 2018 at 12:20 pm

    Hi, my ex and i were together for a year, we started out perfectly i was his world and he was mine, im 10yrs his senior but it worked. I realised things started to change with us and we started to argue more, he is more quite and reserved im more assertive and outspoken, sometimes i say things when we argue and its hurtful, i realised after awhile he starts to shut down and not been the same, 3weeks ago i found a text message in his phone him flirting and i got upset and we had a terrible fight and i ask him to leave, he told me i started pushing him to flirt becaus of my behaviour. He left the house and we didnt talk like 3days then i contacted him to apologise caus i said some hurtful things and even got physical with him, we talked but its pure bitterness and resentment from him, he told me i hurt him badly and he need some space to figure out things and i also need space to work on myself, i started the nc but keeps breaking it to be asking him to give us a chance, i realised he will sometimes texted me briefly to say something other than about the relationship, i intend to just stop texting him caus i need to give him the space he requested but i miss and want him back, he was good to me, i just need to work on my emotions, what are my chances in winning him back? And to make him believe in me again? I need your help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2018 at 2:11 pm

      Hi Danielle,

      Do you want to try the nc rule?

  4. Yoyo

    February 15, 2018 at 3:36 am

    My post somehow disappeared….anyways, here it is again:
    Hi~ So i broke up with my ex 5 months ago after being together for a bit more than a year… coz back then i didn’t feel i love him (i liked him, but not love)… He loved me very much and he was very hurt and confused. During these few months, we had a few mutual friends events, then a month and half of NC.
    I’ve been thinking about him and if i pulled the trigger too early too fast?? I reached out to him last Dec and was hoping to have a chat but he wanted to have closure and some time apart. We bumped into each other accidentally at another event not long ago, after a month and half NC… and we managed to talk n clear up a few things.
    I finally decided to have a conversation of the possibility of getting back together but he said he was ready to move on, and now is very confused and unsure that i’m serious of getting back. He said he really likes me and can see us going out for dates and see how things go.. but not getting back right away! I called him after a few days and asked him if he wants to go out dates, he said it’s too soon for him and he’s not ready! he needs more time to think!
    I’m confused! i thought he loved me and wanted things to work?? Shall i give him more time or maybe he has moved on?? It’s been almost 3 weeks that he didn’t contact me… i wish he could just say sth.. even a “NO” answer is better than silence! He’s actually a very outspoken and communicative person! and he’d been very nice throughout the whole break up period…
    thanks for any advice! 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 1:42 pm

      Hi yoyo,

      Did he say he still loves and wanted to work on things when you bumped into him at an event?

  5. Yoyo

    February 14, 2018 at 12:47 am

    Hi~
    Hi~ So i broke up with my ex 5 months ago after being together for a bit more than a year… coz back then i didn’t feel i love him (i liked him, but not love)… He loved me very much and he was very hurt and confused. During these few months, we had a few mutual friends events, then a month and half of NC.
    I’ve been thinking about him and if i pulled the trigger too early too fast?? I reached out to him last Dec and was hoping to have a chat but he wanted to have closure and some time apart. We bumped into each other accidentally at another event not long ago, after a month and half NC… and we managed to talk n clear up a few things.
    I finally decided to have a conversation of the possibility of getting back together but he said he was ready to move on, and now is very confused and unsure that i’m serious of getting back. He said he really likes me and can see us going out for dates and see how things go.. but not getting back right away! I called him after 3 days of that conversation, and asked him if he wants to go out dates, he said it’s too soon for him and he’s not ready! he needs more time to think!
    I’m confused! i thought he loved me and wanted things to work?? It’s been almost 3 weeks that i haven’t heard anything from him…
    Shall i give him more time or I’m living my life meanwhile… but i am very confused that he doesn’t say anything and has no contact… even if it’s a “NO” answer, it’s better than silence 🙁
    thanks for any advice! 🙂

  6. Love Bug

    January 26, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    So I broke up with my ex he was very upset I tried to call but he wasn’t taking my calls. I waited a week and got him to talk to me, now I’m trying to get him to meet for us to talk face to face because it doesn’t seem as if he wants a break up. He is still a bit upset though, still bringing up things that we were arguing about before the break up and not seeing my side. If we do meet up how do I get him to see my side because we do still have to fix the problems that lead to the break up. Also I feel like he has the upper hand due to the fact that I had to chase him a bit because he was upset after the break up, how do I change that dynamic and get him to chase me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2018 at 11:07 pm

      have you done the nc rule? If yes, how many times and how long?

  7. Mary Garcia

    January 21, 2018 at 4:47 am

    1) Our relationship was long a steady. We had been together on and off since Oct. 8, 2011. The longest break we had was 7 months in 2013. The shortest was only a few hours long. We last got together on October 29, 2017 and we were fully committed and devoted to each other. we always talked about marriage and children and the prospect of a happy future together. He even gave me a promise ring to show his devotion to me. Everyone always thought we were lucky to have found each other. He was very sweet and affectionate throughout our entire relationship, I’m a little dryer in this aspect but have always tried my best. He never had his own mode of transportation so, local travel for the both of us as we got older depended on me and I have to admit, in the beginning I would be kind of a flake- arrive late or tell too late that I wouldn’t be coming to what’s planned. I was 17/18 and I always got away with it with my parents so I didn’t expect it to be a big deal. I realized later on that i was invalidating his feelings and not making him feel valuable to me, so I worked on it. I was severely depressed before and during the first half of our relationship and he helped me get through it. I can honestly say he’s saved me from myself for if it weren’t for him I may very well be in jail, committed, or even dead. We’ve transferred different habits to each other- most of them good- and have even travelled out of the country together. My family is latin, and as such are very traditional when it comes to dating: they’re very respectful of our boundaries, as two loving adults spending time with each other, whenever he would come over. His family, not so much ( and it eventually led it our break up), more particularly his mother and one of his younger brothers. They would always interrupt our time together, which is very limited and was especially valuable in the beginning because we live 30 minutes away from each other and none of us drove, so we depended on others or public transportation to get around. I always found it rude and disrespectful. They would always ask him favors, sometimes barg in without knocking, yell his name from across the house- his younger brother would sometimes take him away from me for 20 minutes to talk about current events in the family business, sometimes at inappropriate times, like at 9pm on a Friday. Or he’d call when my boyfriend is taking down time with me at my house, which is a much more peaceful and quieter environment than his house or his community, and speak on the same topic- or sometimes even unimportant topics or topics already previously spoken about for a long duration of time. It was not unusual for him to ruin intimate Sunday mornings for us. His mother however, would take infrequent low-blows like taking him away from celebrating my birthday or forcing him to clean the house when I come over. It eventually got so bad that his little brother had to be spoken to. As of recent he stopped bothering us. But, after reflecting on our break up I realize now that his inability to stand up for himself and our relationship to his family to respect the relationship kind of took a really big toll on us. As previously stated before, he works the family business. It’s a small business consisting of both of his parents, himself, and his younger brother. Because of this the dynamic is weird considering they all live together. Sometimes work is talked about at wildly inappropriate hours and this used to stress him out. I’ve advised him on boundaries and he’s doing much better on it. Because his parents are “older” parents, they seek to pass the business down to him and his brother but I never approved of it and neither has he. He has personally verbalized it to them, and they’ve chosen not to listen. Personally, I don’t think it’s worth much money to be burdened with (we’re from 2 different socioeconomic classes- I grew up upper-middle class, and his family is aggressively middle-middle class. The lifestyle that they provide themselves in not one I want to obtain- they work all the time and never vacation) and his work with them is not fulfilling to him. This has also caused some friction between us- because of his inability to travel locally it’s very complicated to look for work elsewhere as we live in a very car dependent society. I feel that because of this, he thinks that any amount of moral support I will give him will never be enough, as he does say I’ve always lacked in that department. I would think it’s very hard to morally support someone who doesn’t like what they do. I feel that this aspect in his life is very bleak also, considering his parents will also not help provide transportation for him to continue going to school despite them wanting him to continue his education. He wants to be a music publisher, producer, and instrumentalist. He’s also talked about being in his own band, before. These are the things I’ve supported him in doing. Nonetheless, he’s been an amazing supporter to me despite voicing his concerns of his uncertainty that my future will work out in my favor. I seek to be the creative director/CEO of my own fashion house. This is not what I’ve always wanted to do, so my timeline is a little behind and understandably, everyone’s concerned. But, I’m working through my goals little by little and in due time, I will have credentials for what I do or to take me to the next step in my journey. He has supported me by helping me with assignments, and even buying my school supplies. He likes to be helpful and he’s a very helpful person, but I feel like it allows others to take advantage of his time, services, and his patience- a position I don’t like to see my man in and this was one of the last conversations I had with him. Taking on the worlds of others on his shoulders with back breaking work and being the noble that he is to do this to others got old for me and it’s a very emasculating role his parents, mostly his mother, has put him into (btw, his mother has literally emasculated him in public in front of their work colleagues. I believe this is a serious issue in their dynamic and has greatly effected my relationship with him). In my opinion, no one wants to see their big, strong, man in such a compromising position- sometimes you have to take/do/say what you want and that was the last piece of advice I gave him. We had previously spoken about changing our sexual dynamic as well and I felt like he was being too sweet and it really took me out of the mood. Like, I like a man that knows what he wants and takes it. I’ve always been a submissive woman and have taken a passive role in my love life ever since I started dating. So, our sex live was in the midst of a drastic change by the time we broke up. He did have an emotional affair with an old ex of his when we were together, but i don’t believe we ever physically cheated on each other. When arguments got bad, I have to admit, i reverted to name calling and cursing. This was something I noticed i carried on from watching my parent’s marriage and I didn’t know it was abusive behavior until it became a discussion to be had. He also had his abusive tendencies- we broke up because he was being emotionally abusive. Our relationship sustained the trauma of 3 abortions. He was very helpful and supportive especially during the first 2 ones, but after the last one became very inconsiderate, I guess from his family playing tug-of-war with me for his attention. I like to think that he became inconsiderate of me partially because of them and because he got used to me being around all the time and getting comfortable with the idea of us being together forever, so I would just put up with everything.
    2) My break up was heart-breaking and intense. I felt so let down by him and so disappointed. It was so anger-fueled, too. But, it may have also had shallow reasons behind it. Our breaking up was avoidable and he tried to make up for it. But, I was not willing to compromise and feel I may have been stubborn.
    3) We’ve been broken up for 2 days, now so not much has happened. Coincidently, this is the weekend I was suppose to be celebrating my birthday and he was in charge of planning it. Considering that he failed to plan it accordingly in the first place (which was one of the reasons we broke up), I had to work around it- this news coming to me the Thursday before the weekend. Also, I don’t feel like being in a happy cheery mood, so I don’t even feel like celebrating myself. But, I have made a new friend whom I’ve known for awhile now and she’s been very supportive of me through all of this, even making plans to celebrate my birthday. I don’t have much friends and I like to think that my ex was my best friend, just as I was his. I’ve also made plans to start going to work again soon and start hitting the gym more, as I’ve just recently gotten my gym membership back.

    On to the reason we broke up: we broke up on Thursday over plans for my birthday and current family affairs that I felt didn’t concern me. He wanted to celebrate me the weekend before my birthday, which is this coming Monday. I initially didn’t want it to be made into a big deal because it’s January and I’ve always been given busy work by my previous teachers, professors, employers, etc. around this time. All I wanted to do and all I was excited for was going to the Museum of Ice Cream which is a pop up museum (it moves around, traveling city to city). I am an Instagram promoter and was planning on taking pictures with an outfit I was planning on promoting. This was an outfit I had partially invested on, so I had already made investments towards this outing and he was my photographer. I also wanted to show off what I cool outing I was at for my birthday. As expected, tickets were selling out very quickly, so a month prior to our set date I provided him a link so that he may get us tickets for my birthday. He assured me that everything would be taken cared of and continually asked what else I wanted to do for my birthday. first of all, it’s cold, i’m not sure I want to be going out like that and 2) I was expected to be on my period around my birthday, so my desire to get dressed and be out was not all that high and I only added that I wanted to get my nails done. The Thursday before my birthday I found out that not only had he never gotten our tickets to the Museum of Ice Cream but that tickets have been sold out for weeks. I was so heart-broken. How could he lie to me? How could he not tell me this sooner? He knew I was buying an outfit for this occasion and not only was I not going to have him with me on the days we planned to be together, but his mother apparently needed him to move her mother’s household belongings into a a storage unit because her home is being foreclosed. I was very offended that his family would make this MY problem on MY birthday. out of all the weekends to to this there couldn’t be any other ones? Out of all the men she’s surrounded by (she has 3 sons, a step son, and a husband, all which are able-bodied) and out of all the options she’s had, like properly planning for her mothers futures or hiring a moving company to move her belongings she had to keep MY man, my ONLY man, on the celebration of MY birthday and he saw nothing wrong with it. In fact, he blamed all the problems surrounding my birthday on me, saying that I want too much (i only wanted 3 things, btw) or that the holidays effected him, or that i’m being selfish around a time that is effecting his family negatively. Like, that’s not my problem. Adults budget their money and plan for their parent’s futures. If getting these museum tickets was such a foreseeable problem why not tell me about it sooner? He did try to keep us together by last minute emailing the museum to be notified of any other ticket openings, but that’s so offensive. When we spoke on Thursday, not only did he not get us our museum tickets, but he had yet to reserve my nail appointment or make the dinner reservations that he planned, which was to an up-scale restaurant. Like, I felt like I ment nothing to him at that point. And what’s worse is that I’ve gotten on his ass about booking our formal dates last minute, too. Their would be discussions of us attending a movie, maybe a week before it’s released, only for us to go to the theater and him not having booked us tickets, having to go theater to theater looking for tickets. Like, wtf? If you’re gunna plan something, work on booking/initiating a plan to make sure the plan actually happens. I’m not about to go theater to theater looking for tickets are being given a shitty seat. It’s so unromantic and the lack of planning of it is just so unattractive. There was no way I was going to settle for that for my birthday. Ever since I was young it was instilled in me that I should be treated like a queen. Why should I settle for less? I mean, like I said before he did try to avoid me leaving him for this by trying to book my shit last minute and possibly taking w.e. offers opened up, it any, for the museum. But, just all of it was wrong. Making me worry about my birthday celebrations was wrong, making me fight with him about my birthday celebrations was wrong, making me worry about other people’s shit around the celebrations of my birthday was wrong, and making me settle for w.e. I was going to be given by a third party was wrong. On top of that, he made my emotions and thoughts on everything surrounding this so invalidating. Like, I seriously felt like I ment nothing to him at this point. I mean, I know I don’t mean “nothing” to him, because after I broke up with him he told me he loved me. But, it’s like, where’s the fight? He tried to compromise with his mother and me, but in my opinion, that was the wrong move. She should’ve let me have him this one weekend and he should’ve stood up for me and for us and settled it then and there. But, what do you think? Do I have a chance of being back with him? What are my options for NC if he wishes me a happy birthday? Does NC even apply to my situation? As a third party person reading all of this SHOULD I even go back to him? I know if I do I’m going to have to have a talk with him about his mother, if not, I’ll speak with her myself because I’ve done a lot of reflecting these past 2 days and everything is just coming back to me and some of the stress that come from the work place in her home and within our relationship always seems to originate from her and her decisions and how she emasculates my ex. We would also need to work on improving ourselves in the relationship, too – me with morally supporting him on his journey and being less verbally abusive when we fight and him standing up for himself and making me feel more emotionally valid. Literally, any advice on getting him back would be helpful. I truly believe he’s my soulmate and I’ve never had issues with it before, but this break up was very ugly and I want to make sure I’ve gotten the message across that I should valued all the time and that our relationship should be valued all the time and that he should be able to stand up for us like the man that he is, or that I at least want him to be.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2018 at 3:35 pm

  8. A

    December 28, 2017 at 3:45 pm

    Hi. I recently just broke up with my boyfriend of just over 2 years. We have broke up twice before and it was always me acting impulsively. This time I said some pretty bad things, instead of talking rationally I just said this is my problem – we should end it so we’re not unhappy. He reacted by blocking me completely, understandably. He is amazing and loves falling in deep love. I want to stick to the NC rule but am scared he will find someone else pretty quickly. There are other reasons he will get over this quickly and I don’t want that to happen, I.e. antidepressants. Scared of how to play this. A

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2017 at 8:21 pm

  9. Sam

    December 28, 2017 at 8:01 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months during a heated argument. He then ignored me after I apologized and obviously regretted it. I reached out a lot following the breakup and he ignored all my attempt. We bumped into each other in person a lot as well and he ignored me in person also. He initiated contact after about a month when he saw me out when I stopped reaching out, he basically just said he saw me. We had a casual conversation after for a few days but when I asked to clear the air he started ignoring me again. We had a great relationship and spent everyday together. My family loved him and couldn’t really believe how similar we were. Why won’t he just say he doesn’t want to talk or tell me to just stop? I really don’t know what else to do. I feel horrible with how we left things and I’ve tried to make it better. We were together for Around 4 months and it’s been a month and a half since the breakup.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2017 at 7:21 pm

      Hi Sam,

      maybe him not answering is his way of saying it.

  10. Sam

    December 28, 2017 at 7:59 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months during a heated argument. He then ignored me after I apologized and obviously regretted it. I reached out a lot following the breakup and he ignored all my attempt. We bumped into each other in person a lot as well and he ignored me in person also. He initiated contact after about a month when he saw me out, basically just saying he saw me. We had a casual conversation after for a few days but when I asked to clear the air he started ignoring me again. We had a great relationship and spent everyday together. My family loved him and couldn’t really believe how similar we were. Why won’t he just say he doesn’t want to talk or tell me to just stop? I really don’t know what else to do. I feel horrible with how we left things and I’ve tried to make it better. We were together for Around 4 months and it’s been a month and a half since the breakup.

  11. Amanda

    December 25, 2017 at 6:18 am

    Hi, my story seems complicated. I’ve been with my fiance for almost 10 years. We argue every now and then. Nothing major or went to bed angry about. I tend to say hurtful things through an argument. (I know I need to work on this) a little over a week ago we argued for a while via text. I got so upset I told him to get out. He stayed with a friend. Then wanted to talk next day. I wasn’t ready. He left and then when I apologized and asked him to come home. He said he needed space. For 5 days I did all the wrong things. I gnatted. Begging for answers. Pleading with him everything I could have done wrong. 2 nights ago I pushed him to say he wasn’t coming back. It’s been 2 days in NC. I feel he is moving on, I wonder if I should too. I really don’t want to.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 27, 2017 at 5:53 pm

      Hi Amanda,
      Follow the advice above first..if it doesn’t work, then move on..

  12. Terri

    December 1, 2017 at 11:22 am

    I broke up with him with zero warning last week because of pictures he liked on fb. I blocked him and didn’t allow him to explain. Once I cooled off, I reached out. He said I broke his heart that he loves me and had considered putting a ring on my finger. He said I had thrown away our future. We talked and agreed to try again. That conversation was last Friday night. All this week, he has had the flu and has barely communicated at all or made any effort to keep in touch. He will only reply if I reach out. I told him if he has had a change or heart and does not want to try again, to let me know. He said he does want to work it out and is sorry and is just very sick. That was a couple days ago. I finally sent him another long emotional text saying basically that he obviously doesn’t want to try so I change my mind and don’t want to work it out either. Now of course, I haven’t heard from him. I have not tried to reach out since. Nor has he. What do I do? Have I lost him for good? He did tell me a few days ago there was no other and that there would be no other that his love for me is real. He treated me like a queen and I let my jealousy interfere. But to me him being sick was an excuse. Yes he was sick, but would that really keep a man from staying in contact with the woman he supposedly loves?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 4, 2017 at 6:38 am

      Hi Terri,

      how long were together? and how many times have you broken up?

  13. Ha Thu Nguyen

    November 30, 2017 at 2:22 pm

    Hello,
    I broke up with my LDR ex more than one month ago because he kept saying he was tired and needed time. I was angry so I did the breakup thru msg, whennhe saw that he blocked me immediately. A week later i texted him on messenger said i was sorry and didnt mean that. He said he was too tired and thought that was clear for both of us and told me to not make him upset more.
    I was hurt and went no contact immediately for 30 days. Yesterday i texted him the first msg which is very positive like i was hanging out and something reminded me of him. He texted back asked me how i am. Then i texted back ok, sorry for the bitter word i said when breakup and hope we can be friends. He said doesnt want friends, not want keep contact with ex.
    That disappoints me so much while i feel im on good track.
    What should be my next move?
    Thanks a lot
    Hope to get your reply soon
    Ha

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 30, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      Wrong kind of text..dont apologize and ask to be friends because that looks like you’re chasing… That means you either have to do one last nc of 45 days or move on.

  14. Justine

    November 29, 2017 at 12:46 am

    Hi Amor,
    I’ve been building rapport for a month. Our date is coming up in a few days and I’m worried he will flake…What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 2:54 pm

      If he does, go out with your friends or by yourself on that day

  15. Annabelle

    November 28, 2017 at 12:57 pm

    Hi Ashley, thanks for your time and loooking forward to hearing your thoughts and advice.

    I dated my ex boyfriend for half a year and was blissfully happy with him until I found out about the girl he’d been seeing casually before me and that they had continued to sleep together multiple times after he started dating me, although I knew he had since stopped. He denied it and told me he wanted a future with me and had no feelings for her anymore. I however continued to read his phone secretly and torture myself with the information, the girl was also harassing me and sending me messages, and after a month of this I felt I had to break up with him.

    For the next month he continued to contact me and try to see me, I was polite about it but always refused and in the end was just blowing him off. I was also really active on social during this time. It was all a defense mechanism because I still had feelings for him and was too scared to meet up, although I wanted to. Then he stopped being in touch after a month.

    Another month passed and during this time I worked on myself, was really active with friends, traveled, did a lot of yoga, and released the anger I had about him, realized how truly special what we had is and how much I just want to be honest and open, instead of sneakily reading messages etc. He made mistakes and we both have issues to work on but I believe we can, and that we are right for each other, and I would like to start fresh. I reached out and contacted him, we spoke a couple times and met up to have a drink and for him to give me my things. I didn’t bring up wanting to get back together yet. He seemed quite sad and shaken up to be around me and seemed to have really missed me, but we just kept it light and made small talk, I figured I would bring things up next time.

    After that he went on a 1-2 week trip and while he was gone I noticed he had become Facebook friends with a random girl he had no mutual friends with a week before his trip and he was publicly posting flirty messages with her on his wall, which seems really out of character. When he got back I contacted him to see if we could meet up again. He told me yes but that he wanted to let me know he is seeing someone else right now so it wouldn’t be awkward. I replied truthfully and told him that I had been thinking about him since we met up and had wanted to see how he feels about us but that since he has a new gf I will just leave it now and good luck. He didn’t reply and it has been 2 weeks now.

    The other girl is complete and total opposite of me, and when I checked I could see she had been stalking my social media before I even knew about her.

    I don’t know what to do at this point and would appreciate your help and suggestions.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 2:25 pm

  16. Gabrielle

    November 28, 2017 at 11:59 am

    Hello EX Boyfriend Recovery Team! I broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half months based off impulse. My boyfriend is very anti-social so he has no social media and does not talk to much people for personal reasons I know of. I believed the rumors of others and confronted him about them (there was no cheating, etc) He denied them but since I was so emotional at the time, I wasn’t really listening to what he was saying., I was pretty much a bitch to him and as he even said “im here still to talk to you” i would reply “bye” after every response he gave me. I got so frustrated broke it offf saying “I hope you treat your next girl right” and told him how much I love him but I dont know anymore. The next day it didnt feel right breaking up with him that i sent a text saying call be back im sorry i want to work things out, no response. I called later that day no response and texted “baabe please answer i feel horrible” its been a few days i havent heard from him. We were in a LDR andour families are friends. 1. our relationship was fine before the break up 2. I basically wrote above lol 3. I havent contacted him since because he hasnt answered me back. Im scared because I really care for him a lot which I argued with him in the first place (0ver a matter of his). Thanks team for your time 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 1:38 pm

      Just give him time…maybe a week and then contact him again..

  17. Gisele

    November 28, 2017 at 12:58 am

    Hello EXBR team,
    I recently broke up with my boyfriend two days ago off impulse. I went a little too far with our mini argument and basically told him things I do not mean. I went off on what people were telling me and not listening to him. I basically believed others than him. I feel I dragged out the arguement more than I should have instead of listening. I acted very immature and petty and saying bye everytime he responded back to my text. After I said “hopefully you treat your next girl right” and some other things he didn’t reply back. I texted him the next day to apologize and he didn’t answer I also called and texted a bit later that day telling him I feel horrible for the day before. I haven’t heard from him then. What steps should I take in order to get him back but also I want to know why he may not be replying back. I regret breaking it off because it just doesn’t feel right. Also he doesn’t have social media and we’re long distance. Also, we’re our families are friends lol. Thanks team for your time!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      Just give him time…maybe a week and then contact him again..

  18. N

    November 27, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    Hey there!
    I broke up with my ex 3 months ago. We were together for a year and had an amazing relationship, despite our differences, and us belonging to different faiths. However, he moved away to USA 4 months back for further studies. I’m from India and the distance did daunt me initially but when he suggested we continue long distance, I agreed. But only coz he was going away, I was always insecure about our future. Friends would ask me questions like, “If you aren’t sure about a future together, what’s the point of doing long distance?” As logical as that may sound, I still wanted to give it a shot because he sounded so confident about it and we trusted each other a lot. But, after a month, I let my insecurities regarding a future get the better of me and decided to end things. He was really heartbroken, but a few days later, I regretted the decision and pleaded him to get back. But he obviously didn’t want to, and said that we should just talk and take things slow instead, and this went on for 3 months with fights and arguments on and off. I realised it was a terrible idea as we ended up fighting a lot, probably coz both of our emotions were all over the place. He became really hypersensitive after the breakup as I abandoned him when he was feeling vulnerable in a totally new place. We had a fight again recently after which I sent a damage control message of sorts and immediately started No Contact, about 5 days ago. He didn’t respond to that text or try reaching out to me ever since. My situation is a little more complex probably coz of the different faiths and distance factors. Please do let me know if I can do anything else to make my situation better and win him back.
    Thanks a lot!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 2:11 am

      Hi N,

      it’s not yet too late, check this one:
      Learn How She Got Her Long Distance Ex Boyfriend Back

  19. N

    November 26, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    Hey there!
    My ex and I were together for a year and then he moved to USA for further studies. We had an amazing relationship while he was here, so he suggested we do long distance, though I was always apprehensive as we were uncertain about having a future together as we belong to different faiths; so doing long distance seemed pointless. But, I thought I’ll give it a shot as it was too early to think about marriage and we weren’t settled yet career wise. Again, I kept having these thoughts coz of the societal pressures, like it’s been mentioned in the above article. But a month later, I broke it off coz I got very insecure that he’ll leave me. I was also very insecure coz my first ex had cheated on me. So, I sort of let that creep into this relationhip as well a couple of times, and jeapordized it this time. But in my heart, I know that he never did me any wrong, and in fact, loved me unconditionally from day one. And now, I really want to get him back.
    We continued talking for 3 months after the breakup as friends (which was a blunder coz it only made the situation worse as we were both hurt and ended up fighting a lot). I hence decided to start No Contact 2 days back. Am I too late? He’s also very stubborn as a person so I’m not sure if he’ll reach out to me during NC. He was very hurt coz I dumped him when he was at his most vulberable in a foreign country. I’m guessing it’ll take a long while before he brings down the walls he’s built around him. Please let me know if I can do anything else to make my situation better.
    Thanks!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 2:11 am

      Hi N,

      it’s not yet too late, check this one:
      Learn How She Got Her Long Distance Ex Boyfriend Back

  20. Tatianna

    November 26, 2017 at 2:44 pm

    Tell me what your relationship was like before the breakup.
    Our relationship was pretty good. Sure we had our ups and downs but every relationship has them. We met as friends before parting ways, he had to go back to his home country. We then became a long distance couple and he came back for me and stayed with me for about 4 months until he had to leave again. The first month after he left was pretty fine but then after a fight over phone call, he stopped calling and we just messaged each other. The messages became more brief and were less frequent. A month later, I broke up with him because he felt distant to me. He says he understood my decision and that it was all his fault because he was too busy with school and work and became very emotionally distant towards people – his friends, family and me, but says he wishes to communicate sometimes and maybe we can meet again someday. I wished him the best but after a day, I felt so bad as I never knew he was undergoing a lot of pressure from his situation in his home country and I felt like I was being selfish on breaking up with him. In the spur of the moment, I sent him a message saying if we can rekindle our relationship someday when the time is right. He only tells me I’ll probably be having a change of heart when that time comes and says that I should also focus on myself. It has been 2 days since our breakup and it’s really hitting me pretty bad. I wanna get back with him but we live apart, next January I will be moving to a closer country to his but I still don’t know if we can get back together.

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