By Rachel

Sometimes we make decisions and we feel a sense of peace, secure with the knowledge that the choice was right, like a weight has been lifted off our chest.
But other times, we start feeling a prickling feeling on the back of our neck, and a nagging feeling that something is not quite right.

When we break up with someone, we, as women, tend to put a lot of thought into it. There are actually studies that show that women tend to take longer to break up with someone, but tend to stick to their decision, while men are more likely to make a snap decision and end the relationship. But they are also more likely to come back.

The good news, though, is that if you ended things with your ex boyfriend but have since decided you want him back, you are already at an advantage, as you were the one to end things.

Many of the steps are the same as if you had been the one to be dumped, but there are some key differences in how you approach things, most importantly beginning with the first step, which is to take some time to assess your initial reasoning for the breakup, and do some serious thinking as to what you really want.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Work out Your Emotions Logically

I cannot stress enough how important it is that you are absolutely sure you want your exboyfriend back before fully throwing yourself into the ExBoyfriend Recovery Program.

The last thing that you want is to get back together with your ex, only to realize your initial reasons for ending the relationship were completely valid, thereby breaking the poor guy’s heart all over again.

I have some experience with this. I was with my first boyfriend way longer than I should have been. I didn’t know how to end things, and so the extremely unhealthy relationship went on for years longer than it should have. Finally, I was able to break up with him. Then months passed. I experienced my first heartbreak 6 months later, and began to miss my first boyfriend. I missed how doting he was, how stable our relationship had felt, how I never questioned his love for me.

I briefly considered trying to see if he would be open to rekindling things again, but after a couple of days of mulling it over, I realized none of those reasons had to do with him. They had to do with being in a relationship. I was lonely and sad and wanted someone to love me. But I didn’t love my ex boyfriend. Going back to him would not have solved any of my problems long term. It only would have fulfilled my need in the moment to not feel like I was alone, and I would absolutely have ended it again. And that wouldn’t have been fair to him, or to me.

Ultimately, it’s a good thing that I didn’t go back to him, because in hindsight, the relationship was extremely tenuous and he was a very possessive, insecure guy who ended up being kind of a creepshow. Dodged that bullet.

So I implore you to do some thinking. You should take some time to assess your reasons for wanting your ex back regardless, but especially if you were the one to end the relationship.

So, if you are wondering how you know if you made the right decision, and you find yourself asking

“Was it a mistake in letting him go?”

“Did I do the Right Thing?”

“What if I broke up with the one?”

Ask yourself the following:

  • Do I miss him, or do I just miss being in a relationship?
  • Am I just lonely?
  • Do I miss the security/stability/familiarity?
  • Am I scared that I’ll never find someone as good for me as he is?
  • Do I simply not want him to be with anyone else?
  • Am I scared to start dating again?

All of these questions are in the same vein: being afraid of the future – yours and his. However, none of these are good reasons to stay with someone. And it is completely normal to regret a decision even if you know it was the right one to make. Part of it is missing that connection, the feeling of being part of a couple.

You will find someone to love you again, but more importantly, you need to take some time to learn to love yourself. Your ex boyfriend may well end up moving on before you. But you have to respect him, and that fact. We all want to be wanted, and I know well the feeling of seeing your ex move on and feeling jealous, even though you were the one to end it. We all want to be the best the one person has ever had, and to live on in their memory as the pinnacle of their happiness. But that simply cannot be. If you decide to let your ex go, let him go fully, with no strings attached.

Societal Expectations

I wrote about this recently on Ex Girlfriend Recovery, but I think it is worth mentioning here as well.

We, as women, face a lot of expectations from society, ranging from how we look, to how we act, to our career or lack thereof. But I won’t get on my feminist soapbox.

What I want to talk about is the societal expectation that women should get married and have babies.

Though this is changing, people make the assumption that these are primary stepping stones in a women’s life. There are even harsh names and stereotypes used for women who haven’t settled down, like “old maid” or “cat lady.” Not to mention, women also have that pesky biological clock. If you want to have children, you are best having your first one by age 35, and if women are to follow society’s dumb expectations, they should be married for some time before embarking on parenthood.

Both of these expectations combined put way more pressure on women to be paired up in a relationship than men. Men don’t have a biological clock, and they are taught from a young age that their careers should be number one, while women tend to prize their relationships with friends and family.

This is a huge thing that I think facilitated my motives in thinking about gtting my ex boyfriend back. I am in my late 20’s, and do eventually want to settle down and have a family one day. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to find someone as perfect as my ex boyfriend, in what I perceived was “limited time.” After time passed, though, I realized that I am quite the catch, and wouldn’t be alone for long. Not to mention, there are so many quality guys out there, many of whom are a better match for me than my ex boyfriend was.

I mention this because these expectations may have something to do with the fears that I listed above, whether consciously or unconsciously. When you are mulling over your reasons for wanting your ex back, take your idea of your role and your expected life path into account. You may be surprised what you uncover.

Getting Him Back

Okay, so say you do all of this emotional work and you decide that you did indeed make a mistake and are desperate to get your ex boyfriend back?

Luckily, the steps are pretty similar to the normal Ex Boyfriend Recovery Process, with a few modifications.

No Contact: So we know that No Contact and self-improvement is an important (if not THE MOST important) part of the process. This is also true if you were the one to end the relationship. Not only should you take the time to consider if ending the relationship is the right call, but you should also give your ex boyfriend space. If you ended things, it’s likely that your ex boyfriend is hurting deeply. You need to give him the time to heal. Yes, he may go out and try to rebound, but you broke up with him. He is allowed to do that. Don’t forgo No Contact just because of that fear. In all likelihood, the idea of you dating around will help him miss you more.

So, to answer your question,

“Can I get him back?”

YES!

Absolutely!

You just have to 100% commit to the Program.

Embrace No Contact as a time to reset.

Make some changes in your life. Even if you were the one to end things, I’m sure that your ex boyfriend had his complaints about you and the relationship. Start working on some of those points so that when you start building rapport, he can see how much you’ve changed.

Rapport Building: I’m not sure what the circumstances of your breakup were. Maybe you cheated or left him for someone else, maybe he was being an immature bum and you were sick of it so you walked away. Whatever the circumstances, though, it’s likely your ex will have a hard time trusting you again.

Imagine if your ex boyfriend came back after ending things – it would be hard to trust him 100% right away again, right? So in addition to all of the other rapport building you’ll be doing, you need to work on regaining trust. And this right here is why you need to be 100% sure that being with him is what you want.

So how does one rebuild trust? Be as truthful as possible. If you make plans, don’t flake, stick to them. Work on regaining emotional intimacy. I think the best way to do that is to talk candidly about the past once the topic of beginning a new relationship is broached. Be as genuine as possible with your ex boyfriend.

He’s been hurt, so it’s going to take some work to destroy the walls that he has up, but if you can get him to open up and be vulnerable (a difficult thing for men to do because of society’s expectations), you’re on the right track to getting your man back.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Buffy and Riley

Even though I hate this pairing, I could not help but think of Buffy and her college boyfriend, Riley while writing this article. It is one of the main times in the series where we see Buffy question her decision regarding one of her romantic relationships.

Riley gets into some dark stuff which I won’t go into here, and Buffy finds out and is hurt and furious. Riley has an opportunity to accept a job that was take him far away from Sunnydale, and he tells Buffy he is going to go “unless you give me a reason to stay.”

Because of her pride, Buffy is stubborn, though it is clear she is torn. But then her friend Xander says the following to her:

“But you missed the point. You shut down, Buffy. And you’ve been treating Riley like the rebound guy. When he’s the one that comes along once in a lifetime. He’s never held back with you. He’s risked everything. And you’re about to let him fly because you don’t like ultimatums? If he’s not the guy, if what he needs from you just isn’t there, let him go. Break his heart, and make it a clean break. But if you really think you can love this guy… I’m talking scary, messy, no-emotions-barred need… if you’re ready for that… then think about what you’re about to lose.”
– Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Into the Woods”

Now, I have my own problems with this speech (and with Xander in general), but I think the passage (especially the end of it), makes clear what I mean when I talk about making the decision to try to get your ex back. If you know, deep in your gut that this guy isn’t for you, but you’re scared to let go, be brave and cut the cord. But if you come to the conclusion you made a mistake and want to try again with this guy, then fight for him. “Run.” as Xander says.

Once you’ve made the active decision that your exboyfriend is the guy for you, you should proceed the same as you would in any other situation. But be aware your ex may be hurt, and it may take more work to push through the emotional wall he’s put up.

They key is to get him to trust you again. And not in a manipulative, desperate way, but in a way full of patience, devotion, and love.

So, here is what we’re are prepared to do for you.

Let’s have a chat about your situation in the comments below.

  1. Tell me what your relationship was like before the breakup.
  2. What your breakup was actually like?
  3. What you have done since breakup?

And I will help you get to the bottom on if you have a good, average or low chance of getting your ex back. From there  We’ll equip you so you will be able to make a smart decision on how you want to approach this regret that you are dealing with.

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115 thoughts on “I Regret Breaking Up With My Ex Boyfriend; How Can I Get Him Back?”

  1. Avatar

    Michelle

    October 1, 2020 at 7:44 pm

    We had was is referred to as a whirlwind romance. We had a great connection, emotionally, spiritually and physically. We had great communication and I could be open with him. He was the sweetest, most caring man. An honest to God gentleman, but a man’s man. We gave each other much needed space to be and just live our lives. He made me feel so safe. Mind you, I have a lot of emotional trauma from childhood, my previous marriage, and a relationship with a narcissist, so I was always a bit wary. Wondering when the other shoe would drop. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a year now to cope with these issues. One night I realized the depth of my feelings, and panicked. I called him to talk about it, but no answer, which is odd. My mind wondered “is he leaving me?” So I ended it before he could. After all the emotions died down, I knew I made a mistake. But he wasn’t trying to hear it. Said I made my decision then he went dark. The the emotional triggers were activated, and I went bat**** crazy trying to get him to talk to me, just give me, us another chance. Even went to his house unannounced. But I pushed him further away at that point. It’s been a month since it’s happened. I have used this time to reflect and talk to my therapist about the fear of rejection and intimacy. Currently working on rectifying this. I believe he is truly the one, and I want him back.

  2. Avatar

    Marce

    September 19, 2020 at 9:54 pm

    I dated a guy for 2 months and he walked away, I tried no contact and he came back a year later….we spent the last month together, I spent 4 weekends at his place, we talked almost daily, he even asked what would I do if I got pregnant with his baby….I believe deep down he wants a familiy. But some days he also told me “don’t fall in love with me” as a “joke”. So, I was afraid he’d hurt me again and I walked away this time, I told him I didn’t want to avoid being in love. He was shocked but he told me he understood my decision and thanked me for the time we spent together, he also told me he hoped we both could find what we are looking for…and he sent me a final text letting me know that he will also keep “looking for” something. It’s been only 2 days and I regret walking away, I think I rushed it and should have spent more time with him. What should I do? Give him time or reach out before it’s too late?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 9:33 pm

      Hi Marce, yes you need to complete a 30 day No Contact even though you are the one who walked away you need to experience this time apart to decide what it is you want for yourself, before trying to get him back

  3. Avatar

    Janice

    August 2, 2020 at 2:01 pm

    I told my boyfriend I love him after 7 months of dating. He didn’t say anything back. He shows me he loves me in so many ways and is the most wonderful person I’ve known.
    I let my insecurities get the best of me thinking he would never love me, coupled with advice from a friend, I broke up with him.
    I broke this man’s heart. I told him I love him and showed him the exact opposite. It’s killing me. I know I made a mistake because everyone uses those words in different ways and at different tones.
    I immediately felt so awful for what I did and feel like there’s no way he could forgive me for treating him this way.

  4. Avatar

    Maggie

    July 14, 2020 at 6:55 pm

    My ex and I had been dating 4 years and I went to school in a different state so it was long distance most of the time. I broke up with him 2 months ago because this past year I had been having doubts and it seemed like we lost the connection when I was away but were happy again when we were together. I accepted a job in another state and he said he was willing to come with me but I knew he wouldnt have been happy there and he didnt have the financial ability to move and I wasnt sure I wanted him to move in with me yet. So I knew I had to break it off. Now I cant help feeling like i made the biggest mistake and at the time we had talked briefly about getting together again in the future but I’m afraid he’ll move on and I’ll miss my chance. I cant tell if its just the fears you discussed above but i miss him so much. Also I suspect he’s already in a new relationship with his girl best friend and I cant help but feel really hurt by that. Do you think that could just be a rebound and theres actually a chance we can get together again in the future? Is no contact really the best way for this situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 5, 2020 at 11:17 pm

      Hey Maggie, yes No Contact is the best way forward it allows you some time to work on yourself and him some head space. Follow the program and you will see positive results and read articles about the being there method during your NC too

  5. Avatar

    Neneh

    July 12, 2020 at 4:00 pm

    Hi! So I dated my ex briefly and he was intense and in love and I got scared and ran away from this kind, loving guy who has a brilliant vocabulary (which is one of the things I loved about him). So now it’s a year later and I don’t know if he’s even available but I want to reach out. How do I assure him that I won’t disappear again?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 13, 2020 at 4:29 pm

      Hey Neneh, you are getting ahead of yourself at this point, you need to reach out and start rebuilding your connection, and also find out if he is even available to be with in that way

  6. Avatar

    Carloe

    July 1, 2020 at 3:41 am

    I broke up with him March But from then till may we communicated on and off(Never implemented the NC)
    I couldn’t resist talking to him cause we missed eachother but he would get emotional about not being togather I would try to stop him from thinking about it too Usually he would just calm down and try again but in may he told me since I couldn’t give him a relationship he wasnt going to ask for anything from me anymore that he would find someone else …eventually in may he got into a relationship or had a “friend” as they call he would put her in his social media and everything I think he felt he won the break up idk but it ended around June or I think it has so I tried the being there method We talked for two days they were ok conversation But the third day it was very short he didn’t respond bck . Out of nowhere he responded to my Instagram story in a intimate way and I responded bck but got no answer the next day I texted him a nice curiosity text message saying “I had a dream about him “ he asked a questions about it then all of a sudden his mood changed cause I took a little longer to reply he told me didn’t care to know anymore and that why would I think of him when I said we were done and something about a guy he thinks I’m with He said I shouldn’t think about him I asked if he thought of me his response was “NO ..sorry what do I do should I do the NC for 21 days ? We have had fights during this time he’s kissed another woman during this time and now has told me he doesnt think of me I’m lost

  7. Avatar

    Momogi

    June 29, 2020 at 2:41 am

    I was with him for 9 months, the first 5 months were us trying to get to know each other and then 4 months really in the relationship (1 month very intimate like going out almost everyday and the rest 3 months LDR). He has told me before that he doesnt do LDR and we know I will have to move to other city but he said he wanted to try LDR with me. I was insecure, I was afraid of this LDR so I was so defensive, sensitive, and reactive as time goes by, I noticed the littlest changes in him that actually meant nothing and took it as a sign that he is starting to lose interest, I didnt know either that he had some personal problems that made him confused and distant and I started to question his love for me. Then we bickered and I said I wanted a break and he said yes, 2 weeks after I called him again to get some clarity about our status, are we ending or are we still going but he said it’s better for us to just be friends, he said we match each other but the time is just not right (like we both are fresh grad and have our minds on finding a job), he also said that he doesnt want to us to be back as a couple as he is afraid that we will pretend that our relationship is just like it was. He also said that he loved me but I just didnt see it, he put his effort but I didnt see it, and I realized that indeed he loved me and he tried his best but I didnt see it that’s why I regret it so much. Actually for 9 months we were fine, sometimes a little bicker every now and then but nothing that couldn’t be fixed, but I was to full of myself I wanted him to win me again by saying break but he was already tired of me and if only I didnt initiated the break, we would have been still fine. Right after the call I was dying to beg him to come back, and I talked to his friend (a girl) who he had always come to when he needed some advices. I read and talked to a few friends and they say I should give him time before asking for another chance, I was about to stop myself from reaching out to me, but just A DAY after the real break up turned out the girl friend talked to him and said I wanna talk but I am scared and he said ok let’s talk and said better now or not at all… so I quickly sent him my very long messages about how I regret everything and I want to fix everything and want him back and I love him, but he said everything is too soon and he doesnt want us to still have the same problems and dont want us to get back together with terms and conditions. I was about to give him 3 weeks before reaching out to him, but because of that girl friend of him I was forced to talk it out just a day after the break up. What should I do, should I give him some time like a month then try to reach out to him in a friendly manner or just let him go?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 26, 2020 at 9:37 am

      Hey Momogi, if you have not done so yet, you need to follow a full No Contact where you do not reach out or watch any social media activity. You spend that 30 days working on yourself and your holy trinity. You then can start your texting phase, which you can read articles to help you understand how to reach out to your ex and get him interested in talking to you. But make sure these conversations are not about your relationship, break up or any emotions at all

  8. Avatar

    Allie

    June 18, 2020 at 5:40 am

    My ex and I broke up just less than a month ago. I thought it was mutual, but he clearly took it as me dumping him. We have always been best friends AND boyfriend/girlfriend, and I loved it that way. The past few months we were not able to see each other in person and lost a connection a bit which I do blame on myself. I got in my head and thought we should just be friends because we may want different things in the future, but i never had a conversation with him about any of that prior to breaking up with him. I realize now how unfair that was and within a week of the breakup I realized what a horrible mistake I had made. When I think about the future, I can genuinely only see it with him and I still have romantic feelings for him.
    We still are in contact because we both wanted that and we plan to meet up in person next week. I have expressed to him how remorseful I am for the breakup and how much I would love to get back together. He was very confused at first, as he should be. After we have continued talking, he tells me that he is 100% open to the idea in the future, but he just is not ready right now. His family life is also very very messy right now and he is dealing with other personal issues so I understand where he is coming from. We still flirt and chat about all sorts of things – fun stuff and more serious stuff. I understand that it will take some time, but how do you think I should proceed with getting him back? I really do love him and want to be together. I need help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 4, 2020 at 6:09 pm

      Hey Allie, I would say its really your choice if you want try to get him back or not. Following this program starting with No Contact is going to give you, your best chance of getting him back

  9. Avatar

    Leigh

    June 9, 2020 at 5:44 pm

    My ex and I were together for 2 and a half yrs. There was alot of drama in the relationship due to outside factors like toxic friends and family. We actually broke up almost a year ago but continued to talk and hook up until about 4 months ago when I started dating someone else. My ex was blindsided and I feel horrible. I broke things off with the new guy after a month and focused on myself. I woke up last week and realized how much I missed him and how much he loved me. I contacted him to say I was sorry for my actions. We continued to text and talk on and off for a week until I suggested meeting up. I find out he has a girlfriend of 3 months now. I am devastated and kicking myself for giving up my relationship with him when he really wanted to work on us. How do I get him back??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Leigh, you need to complete a 45 day No Contact from the last time you spoke with your ex and work on your Holy Trinity. Going from there you need to work on the being there method

  10. Avatar

    Alexis

    June 6, 2020 at 12:50 am

    The relationship I had with him was long distance so we had our fair share of struggles. But we always talked about our issues whenever they came up. It got to a point where he was so busy with his job he couldn’t talk to me as often. So we ended up taking a break a month ago (he initiated it) . I ended up feeling insecure since worried that he was going to leave me and that I wouldn’t be able to handle it once it happened. I finally came to the conclusion after that month passed that I need to move on for things to be better for me and him. If I wanted to keep in contact with him I would need to break away from him and from my feelings. I told him how I felt and that we should see other people. His reaction was not what I was expecting, he said he had no idea that I had these feelings and he apologized profusely, he asked if we could still be friends and I told him of course but I’ll need time to clear my head. I asked him if he truly wanted to stay together to tell me. But he said he had no way to promise something like that given the situation he is in. I thought breaking up with him would have been a compromise that we could both agree on. I have dealt with break ups before but this is the first time I feel like its a mistake, I have no sense of relief at all and I miss him dearly. Though I should mention it hasn’t even been a week since it happened. Yet I feel worse everyday, I would love to try and fix things but I have no idea where or how to start. Or even if it’s even worth it to try again, my friends and family disapprove of the way he has dealt with me and they all believe I am much better off. I will say that their responses aided in my decision to break up with him. Now I worry I made that decision out of pressure when in reality I’m willing to try again, but if it’s unhealthy for me to go back to him because I feel distressed then I’m willing to let go even if it hurts. I just need some guidance to know whether or not I made the right choice. I have never felt like this before, this immediate regret without a feeling of relief

  11. Avatar

    Selena

    May 13, 2020 at 3:34 am

    The relationship was good but he was really into his video games and at times would be on it while I was with him. I broke up with him because the night before he didn’t answer his phone because he was playing video games. I would have thought he would have called or texted me but he didn’t. So the next day he texted and called me and I was still upset and I told him why and told him I feel numb about things and he hung up on me. I texted him saying I was done and that was it. Since the breakup I have been working and focusing on myself. I do miss him but I also feel he didn’t put as much effort as I did in the relationship.

  12. Avatar

    me

    April 27, 2020 at 7:26 pm

    We met a year ago and started the long distance relationship (different countries).For the last 2 months, just right after Valentine, he became so preoccupied at work and emotionally distant from me. I had difficulty in reaching him even over the weekends. He kept explaining that hewas just busy. Last week, i was at my low state as i had some problems at work and i needed him to talk. It was the time that i needed himthe most.I tried to call but he didnt reply or answer. It was Saturday night.I was so mad and sad, therefore i texted him on Sunday that i couldnt continue the relationship anymore as i felt so alone in it. He didnt reply. On Monday i regretted as i knew my words hurt him (and me),so i texted him that i would like us to discuss abt it heart to heart.He didnt reply and kept silent.Two days after i asked him abt some phone stuff and he answered. But then when i told him how sorry i was for hurting him, he didnt reply it again. I tried not to contact him but i felt so deeply hurted that i had said something bad to him.I started questioning again whether i was so not understanding him and was i being so needy. Two days ago i messaged him, asking him to callas i think we both need to talk, its been a week since i dumped him. As i predicted, he didnt call.Im not sure what i want. I love him and i want him back but i dont know how. Other part of me wants me to be happy too, wanna be loved as much as i loved. This part was dissappointed when he easily had let me go without fighting.

  13. Avatar

    Sydney

    March 24, 2020 at 2:06 pm

    Hello, i started dating with guy back in high school my junior year, i broke up with him after 3 months but then gave him another chance, He then broke up with me 2 more times and slept with someone in that time but we got back together 4 years ago. Things were going well. He moved in with me and my dad about a year ago and at first things were really good. But recently he was on his phone a lot. He wouldn’t give me the attention i needed. He wouldn’t hold me, he wouldn’t compliment me , i tried to compromise about how he spent his time and he didn’t want to compromise so i asked him to move back down to his house. This was in January, Since then he would text me everyday but i would only say one word responses back. I felt like if i broke up with him it would fix the relationship and i felt like i had no other choice. I wanted to take things slow and i would hang out with him every couple of days, but some times i would feel really depressed after he left and i couldn’t figure out why. I kept asking myself if i was making the right decision. Recently it was hurting me more to talk to him hoping for something to give me a sign than it was if i didn’t text him so i told him i just straight up didn’t want to fix anything anymore. I was still hurt. We talked on and off and about a week ago he said he would have been bothered if he saw me out with someone else and then asked me to hangout with him which i couldn’t because i was doing things already. Two days went by and i texted him and he said another girl had messaged him and he was just having a conversation with her which he wanted to do with me but i would always fight with him. I asked him to talk and we saw each other and i broke down crying and apologized and said this wasn’t what i wanted after all and he said he has to get his mind right first and that he isn’t capable of making me happy. He doesn’t want to change to the point that he doesn’t know who he is. I since then tried to pour out my feelings to him because that is what i would want someone to do to be but it had just pushed him away. I miss him and all i want to do is talk to him and have him back in my life. I fought with him when i shouldn’t of and i played games because i thought it would change him. I feel like i am dying inside now and have no idea what to do.

  14. Avatar

    Danielle

    February 18, 2020 at 6:27 pm

    I’m 24 and On the 31st January my Dad passed away, obviously I’ve been trying to deal with the grief but my boyfriend had distanced himself. On the 13th February my boyfriend was out and he wouldn’t answer my calls or texts (which he has never done before) and when he got home he was drunk and we argued because he told me “not to start” on the 14th he rang me after I said we needed to talk and we ended up breaking up due to him not wanting my younger sister to live with us (she’s 19 and my dad was her only parent and she’s off to uni in September so has no where to live) he said he felt a lot of pressure to look after her and said he felt like he was losing myself so I made the decision to leave ( we’ve been together 3 years and lived together 7 months) because i didn’t want to leave my younger sister and I didn’t want to put that pressure on him, a couple of hours later I rang him and said I didn’t want this and could we work something out and he told me “he had to think about it” which hurt me deeply as I was trying to explain Id sort something out with my sister but in the end he agreed it wouldn’t work so this hurt me even more. I packed all my stuff and sent him a message about how he’s broken my heart and I need him right now and that night I got a massive feeling of regret and tried ringing him and text him all my feelings and a plan of what we could do and could he please just talk to me?? I haven’t heard anything from him since but today he came into work to drop a package off that had been delivered to his house and he saw me and just walked away. This is my first long term relationship and I have so much stress right now and it’s killing me him not talking to me, it’s my dads funeral on Monday and I really want him there but he just won’t acknowledge my existence, I guess I just want some reassurance that we can get back to how we was and I just really want to know if he’s done with me forever and that’s why he’s ignoring me? I know he’s hurting too and that hurts me knowing I’ve done that, I’m just really at a loss and haven’t stopped crying for the past 5 days and would just love to know what to do please!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 5:50 pm

      Hi Danielle, I am so sorry for your loss of your father and the way your ex has dealt with the situation with your sister too. The fact she is 19 and going to university soon and he couldnt see that being acceptable until September shows you how selfish and immature he really is. I would take some time to grieve your loss and let yourself build your strength and realise that you deserve someone much better and more supportive than your ex. Even if he was not ready to be somewhat of a guardian your sister is already an adult so it is not as if you were taking on a child full time. Focus on healing and getting over the trauma you’ve had to face <3

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    Kiara

    February 9, 2020 at 12:23 am

    I broke how with my partner of 12 years almost a year ago as we never saw each other and had busy schedules however he never made the effort to prioritise me when he did have spare time and would use this to. Meet with friends. He was heartbroken and begged me to go back to him and I refused as I couldn’t see a way forward however after 3 months I started to meet up with him. Weve been meeting up and dating again for 9 months now and it seems as though he enjoys this but is reluctant to become officially a couple again and says he is enjoying his life right now and is unsure. I don’t know if we will get back together but we get on so well I’m just utterly confused, please help and advise.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 17, 2020 at 9:26 am

      Hi Kiara, he may just be being cautious as he was hurt the first time around. I suggest that if you want him in a relationship that you do not sleep with him until you are official a couple again. Giving him boyfriend privileges before you are officially a couple is going to put you in a friends with benefits situation.

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    Hayley

    January 10, 2020 at 6:41 pm

    Hi everyone, I have been separated for nearly 6 months now. I have done no contact and worked hard to become the ungettable girl. He never messages apart from one txt on Christmas Day. This situation is a result from me telling him to leave me because he had said previously thst he didn’t love me. We had a very one sided relationship. After 5 years I wanted to feel secure. He left and we agreed to be friends. Is it wrong that I still feel the urge to be with him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:46 pm

      Hi Hayley, so we can not help who we do love. And if he doesn’t feel the same way that is painful for you to deal with. So as you have compelted NC have you started the texting phase? And have you started casually dating too? Meeting new people is going to help you feel better about what type of person you want to be in a relationship with, even though you want your ex there has to be things that you do not like about this guy. So list them and focus on that list when you feel that “urge” as you call it to be with him.

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    Carrie-Anne

    December 16, 2019 at 2:34 pm

    I called a break on my 5 year relationship back in January this year. I’m extroverted and very loving whereas he was introverted and more logical. I felt in my heart that he didn’t love me and I needed to feel that he did. He said he found it hard to show me he loved me because I moan too much. We tried again for 6 months and in August I ended things. We’d been on a week’s holiday and he hadn’t cuddled me or held my hand once for the entire week, I felt so sad inside. When I ended things he agreed to the split and said we were too different. I tried to see him to talk about it but he didn’t want to. I turned up at his house 5 weeks later and he was in a relationship with a girl from work. It’s been 4 months now and I still regret our breakup. I can see the problems on both sides (mainly communication) and wish we could have resolved it. I’ve tried dating but no one compares to him. He messaged me 3 months after our split to say he would send me money for our stuff. I convinced myself he was making contact to test the water and I tried reaching out with a few messages saying I missed him and regretted the split but I haven’t heard anything back. He’s still with the girl from work. Do I need to accept and move on? I don’t even know where to begin, I honestly loved him so much I just felt so unloved and unappreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 16, 2019 at 11:38 pm

      Hi Carrie Anne, so you need to go into No Contact and work on becoming Ungettable which can be found on this website to help you show your ex you are doing great without him and then when you reach out at the end of your no contact he can see a big difference in you and want to get to know the new you again

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    Kelly

    November 26, 2019 at 2:01 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months because I felt as though he didn’t show me that he cared enough. He barely called like he used to and never really complimented me anymore or thanked me like he used to. I get that honeymoon phases are a thing, but I still think effort is important. I have communicated with him about this, and he never fixed it. Our last conversation about it he said he was tired of having this talk, and that he doesn’t know what to say if I think he doesn’t care. That’s when the relationship ended. I texted him the next night telling him I just wish he tried more and made more of an effort (I broke NC already) and that he should try to think about other people more often. He responded saying I just sound more angry than anything and it doesn’t sound like I miss him. I said I do miss him, and i’m angry that I miss him and then he never replied. Would NC maybe help him realize he didn’t put in any effort? Or did I throw that out the window with being angry and blowing up his phone

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 30, 2019 at 11:35 pm

      Hi Kelly, so yes you need to do No Contact 1 – to see if he reaches out to you in that time considering youve told him you feel like he doesnt care. 2 – for you to have some time to work on yourself and emotional reactions.

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    Melissa

    November 18, 2019 at 1:33 pm

    I broke up with my long-distance boyfriend of almost 2 years, a little less than 3 months ago. I had just gotten out of a 12-year marriage and he also had just left an 8 year marriage. We met through our ex’s as they were having an affair, leading us to each other. We leaned on each other to heal and it worked for a while. Eventually, I realized though i had to work through the hurt I had previously experienced so I could give him what he deserved, my whole heart. I have done a lot of work in that time and realized I maybe made the wrong decision to break it off. I miss having him in my life and worry that maybe he might be the one that got away. I messaged him recently but haven’t heard back. I know he really loved me and was very hurt when I broke it off. I know I should probably just leave it alone but I miss us. Should I just move on with my life and hope for the best with the regret I feel?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 12:39 pm

      Hi Melissa, so if you have got over what your ex has done then you can reach out and see how he feels about talking to you again but start off as being his friend and build it up as you did the first time. If you have not dealt with those feelings then continue to work on yourself. When you are cheated on there is a lot of emotions people need to go through before they can be over that, it does not mean that you wont develop feelings for someone else, but some people need to be alone to get over the first initial break up before they can full commit, like yourself. When you have done the work needed to forgive your ex before, then you can work on building a new relationship with the new guy if thats what you want by that time.

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    Ann

    November 1, 2019 at 11:49 pm

    Hi,
    Me and my ex boyfriend had big fight and he told me so many mean things. I broke up with him after that but now I regret that. He block me after that and now after couple days he unblock me. He told me he wants time for thinking if he wants be with me. I really don’t know what does that mean. I try text him but he is ignoring my messages. Also we are in long distance relationship and it is not first time we broke up. I really love him and i want get him back. Im not sure if he want move on or he is still thinking about me. I saw him on dating app too.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2019 at 2:12 pm

      Hi Ann so if hes asked for time then allow him to think and make a decision if you call him and hassle him it isnt going to keep him

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