By Chris Seiter

Updated on June 10th, 2021

Do you know what I hate more than anything?


I’ll admit that now that I am an adult it doesn’t happen all that often to me anymore but back when I wasn’t it would happen every single Sunday.

Why Sunday?

Simple, because that’s when I would have to go back to school. You see, I would stay up super late all weekend long and it would throw my schedule off to the point where I would just lay in my bed in complete silence on Sunday night.

You know the feeling.

It’s that moment where you close your eyes and you come to the realization that it’s going to be a good hour before you are fully out.

But like I said, I don’t really have to worry about that anymore.

You see, over the years I have developed this very advanced night time routine in an effort to combat the silence.

If you can’t tell, I am the type of person with an active mind. So, if I don’t give my mind something to be active about I will go absolutely insane.

But about a month ago my super advanced night time routine was interrupted.

I came to another scary realization that was much worse than “silence.”

I don’t have all my strategies written down in one place that I could always refer to. Oh, and if you think I am talking about strategies like the no contact rule, chase theory or how to text your ex, that’s not exactly what I am talking about.

I am talking about all the research that I used to create them.

All of the studies…

The psychological principles…

It upset me to the point that I jolted out of bed in that exact moment and start slaving away compiling my own little “vision board” of ex recovery strategies.

And then I got an idea,

My Idea = I Wonder What The Most Important Strategies For Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back Are?

It prompted me to do multiple independent studies and put together a report of our success stories,

(Download The Report Here)

And the video that I am featuring below is essentially my answer on what I think the three most important strategies are for getting an ex boyfriend back,

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

What Are The Three Most Important Strategies In Ex Recovery?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Important Things I Talk About In This Video

  • The No Contact Rule
  • Psychological Reactance
  • The Importance Of The “Second Prong” Of The No Contact Rule
  • Playing Hard To Get
  • Studies Verifying Playing Hard To Get Works
  • The Importance Of Not Playing Too Hard To Get
  • The Holy Trinity
  • The Synergy Of The Holy Trinity

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Video Transcript

Click Here To Download This Video Transcript


What to Read Next

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

62 thoughts on “The THREE Most Important Strategies For Getting Your Ex Back (Video)”

  1. Catherine

    November 9, 2016 at 7:02 pm

    Hey Chris,
    My ex and I had (I thought) a very strong, meaningful, beautiful relationship. We started talking last year around May and I really liked him before we even started speaking. However, in July it all just came to a stop and I heard that in August he went to a festival and kissed another girl. Obviously I was hurt and annoyed but we went to Sixth Form together and both studied Drama. In December we picked up where we left and this time it was a lot more serious. We started hanging out more after school, going to the cinema and cute things like that. On March the 11th 2016 he finally asked me out and we became very much in love with one another and were inseparable! We were both each others first loves and it was such an amazing experience to be able to spend time with my best friend who was now also the love of my life. There were issues such as distance, he lived 30 odd miles away from me and I can’t drive (yet), this frustrated him as he would complain about not seeing me enough but we arranged trips away to York for a few days and we did this twice. When we were together it was amazing and it just felt so right. Another BIG issue was he was heading off to University down in Liverpool, which is around a 2 hour journey which isn’t actually too bad. In September he moved and after a week of being there I went to visit him, but it all felt a bit off, we had sex but it was nothing meaningful it just felt like a one night stand sort of thing. When I was waiting to get my train home he said he wanted a ‘break’ and I was so upset. After a week we got back together but then on October 13th it was my birthday, he said he was too busy to see me on that day so came back up home to see me, I saw him for the day and he just kept asking when I was going back because he had stuff to sort out and I was so upset and was like why is he acting like this. So, when I got back home on the 13th I rang him and he said he just got back from the pub for Louise’s birthday with his flat mates, I said I thought you were busy and was so annoyed and he continued to say he only went out for an hour and couldn’t exactly say no when they asked him. I said we’ll speak in the morning and we did and he said ‘I think I want to end it’. I stupidly went down to Liverpool a couple days after to see him face to face, I wanted him to see how broken I was and he said ‘I don’t want to be in a relationship with you any more’ but he said he still fancied me? We kissed a bit and held hands when we walking around like a couple and being able to hold him and kiss him just felt right?! I tried the no contact rule when I got home and about a week and a half in a got two snapchats off him saying ‘In case you were wondering I miss you x’ and ‘Sorry, I’m just saying dw because there’s no one else in the picture, I just miss how much u care 4 for me x’. We have spoken a couple of times after that and I was saying how I applied for college and he said how proud he was of me and he missed me and ended it with lots of love and care from your Sammy. But all I see on his snapchats are him out in the clubs having the time of his life, getting pictures with other girls looking like he’s enjoying the single life and it’s just getting me so down and upset, it’s like we never happened and he doesn’t even feel any of the pain I do from the relationship. I know he’s the one for me I just want him to realise that he’s made a mistake or at least regret the break up. It’s been nearly a week since we last spoken, it’s hard but I’m trying to no contact rule. We didn’t leave the break up on a bad note in fact, he said ‘thank you for everything, you were the best thing for me’ but ‘he wanted a relationship but didn’t want to settle down? He’s not the type to sleep around as we were both each others first and he was a nice guy but I’m so worried in case he moves on!! I just need some reassurance on what to do 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2016 at 6:56 pm

      Hi Catherine,

      That means you have to restart the count. If you really want him to regret, improve yourself and don’t give in on just one text. Unless that texts says he wants you back, literally. Check this one too:
      How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Letting You Go

  2. Monique

    October 7, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I cheated on my boyfriend. (I didn’t do anything sexual nor did I kiss him or anything like that) he saw a conversation between this guy and I and he didn’t like it. We’ve been together for almost 3 years & when he saw it he was pissed! He’s told me that we have no chance of getting back together but we still talk & see each other everyday. we don’t have sex and he barely touches me but we seem to be getting along really well, we’re even still thinking about moving in together. I think there’s hope for us. Some advice on what you think I should do would be really helpful. He is my best friend & I really don’t want to lose him. Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2016 at 11:20 am

      Hi Monique,

      I’m confused.. if you’re just friends, why would you move in together? You should check this one too:
      Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

  3. Nel

    October 1, 2016 at 7:11 am

    am 26 years old and I’m living with my ex whose 27. Tonight he told me (again) that he no longer wants to be with me. He told me a few days ago that he wanted me to move out and that he’s only staying for the apartment because it’s close to the gym and we love it. I can’t afford to leave- nor do I want to.

    To summarize- we have been together for 1.5 years and have lived together for 6 months. He’s broken up with me previously for the same reasons as he has now. Says that he has to manage my emotions, that I’m a full time job, that I don’t listen to him, that I play mind games to get emotional reactions out of him. He said that he has wasted 1.5 years with me and that although he loves me, that he does not want me anymore.

    I’ve been going to a psychologist and have been working on my emotional dependency and impulsive reactions based on my emotions, but he told me tonight that he doesn’t want someone whose sorting their shit- he wants someone that’s already sorted.

    He’s right- I have depended on him for y own emotional stability.
    He had agreed to stay official with me until the end of my uni placement (social work), so I don’t freak out and fail but tonight he took all of that away.
    He also told me that he’s severing all emotional ties with me so that means he can date if he wants to.

    He told me he’s not doing this to hurt me, but because he needs to do it for himself- said that he’s sick of basing his decisions on my needs, that he’s sick of being under someone else’s thumb.

    Throughout the relationship he has warned me to treat him better- ie stop depending on him to make me feel better but I didn’t listen. If he didn’t fulfill my emotional needs, I would lie to get a reaction out of him that validated me. Partly because he would say things like ‘I’m no longer invested in you, I want someone better’ etc.

    I’ve been going to a psychologist and have been working on my emotional dependency and impulsive reactions based on my emotions, but he told me tonight that he doesn’t want someone whose sorting their shit- he wants someone that’s already sorted.

    He’s right- I have depended on him for y own emotional stability.
    He had agreed to stay official with me until the end of my uni placement (social work), so I don’t freak out and fail but tonight he took all of that away.
    He also told me that he’s severing all emotional ties with me so that means he can date if he wants to.

    He told me he’s not doing this to hurt me, but because he needs to do it for himself- said that he’s sick of basing his decisions on my needs, that he’s sick of being under someone else’s thumb.

    Throughout the relationship he has warned me to treat him better- ie stop depending on him to make me feel better but I didn’t listen. If he didn’t fulfill my emotional needs, I would lie to get a reaction out of him that validated me. Partly because he would say things like ‘I’m no longer invested in you, I want someone better’ etc.

    This all sounds so negative, and he would agree- he said he hasn’t got a good solid time period to look back on that was positive. He said I manipulated him to stay and to move in together. I didn’t. I just love him!

    I love this man. I know I have fucked up. I know that I have changes I need to do. I am doing them. But has told me that he no longer wants a relationship. But that if I hadn’t of ruined it, that we would be building our lives together and planning holidays together right now. Hearing him tell me that hurts so much.

    He told me that if there is ever a chance for us, it will be years from now. 🙁

    We have had great times. During the period when he said he would fake our relationship so I could finish my studies, we had an amazing week. I was attentive, kind, generous and he went from being stone cold to so affectionate and loving. We had such a good week . Then he came home from work one night and told me not to touch him. The next day he told me he felt too guilty faking the union and that it’s over.

    This all happened over a week ago. Since then, he’s been out nearly every night and two nights ago when he was really really high, he slept in my bed. He was so loving and affectionate- kissed my forehead a lot etc. Then messaged me the next day saying that he was sorry for giving me mixed signals and that it won’t happen again.
    Then that night (last night) when he was out, he asked me if I could wake him up at 5:30 am and I suggested he sleep in my bed so that I could. He agreed. In the morning when our alarms went off, he hugged me tight and kissed my forehead.

    Please help me. He’s always out. I am so upset

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 3, 2016 at 6:28 pm

      Hi Nel,

      I haven’t read this comment because I answered your first one. I’m not sure if you saw that, so, I’m going to paste my answer there here:

      Hi Nel,

      I think it would be best if you move out because being with him and being in that place is not healthy for you anymore. Any friends or relatives you could move in with in the mean time? If you can’t, then you have to go out more. No matter what we say to you, if you don’t initiate in helping yourself and making the environment easier for you to help yourself, then you won’t have better chances.

  4. erica

    September 29, 2016 at 11:27 pm

    My ex and i have been together fpr about 6 months, throughout those 6 months we both have been doing things taht wasnt right towards each other (cheating). I always took him back and he always took me back but I’ve never did anything as drastic as him. I forgave him for everything and never looked back. So recently , he went through my snap chat messages and read messages between me and this other guy. Yes the messages were inappropriate and i know i was wrong but he doesnt want anything to do with me anymore. He doesnt want to forgive and i dont know what to do!! How do i show him that I’m truly sorry?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 1, 2016 at 1:48 pm

  5. Michelle

    August 31, 2016 at 10:14 pm

    Did the no contact went well, we met had a great wknd till a woman he was seeing for three wks turned up and seen us on couch watching movie. She was upset and he gave her kisses and cuddles. He said he broke up with her and she can’t accept it. He said he’s messing with people’s feelings and needs time alone. Happy by himself.
    He seemed more concerned with her feelings than mine because I didn’t break down and cry or go off about the situation.
    He has a lot of other personal things going on and can’t handle the stress so wants time. He did say I can’t see what I did wrong in relationship etc so I sent an appology text admitting all I did wrong. That’s when I got text back saying he needs time can’t handle this.
    What do I do? How long do I give him before contacting him again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 1:06 pm

      Hi Michelle,

      give him two weeks.. if he doesnt initiate, you initiate

  6. Rachel

    August 31, 2016 at 9:12 pm

    My situation is a combination of a few situations. We dated for four and a half months. I’m 23 he’s 27. He lives in the city i got to college to. It’s about 14 hours away from my home. We had three months of dating before I had to go home and it was going great. We had a lot in common, seemed to be at ease around each other and were really seeing good compatibility and balance for a long term relationship. Then the night before I went home we had our first fight about and it seemed to be a bad one. We made sure to make up, but it wasn’t completely resolved. I got home and was busy with my job and other things. He had his job and was getting into some stressful operations. He was trying to find a new place to live and was going to have to get an operation, not life threatening. We couldn’t Skype all that much and when we did he wouldn’t say much and weren’t texting a lot. This pattern started getting me down and the fight we had before I left came back up and started having us fight about our future. He never wants to leave the town he’s from. He wants to stay near his mom, friends and keep his (unsatisfying but good pay) job. He kept trying to search for a way where I would be able to stay and it would work. My career, if I stick to my studies, will most likely take me elsewhere. The closest town available being four hours away. But everything else about our goals fits. Marriage, kids, etc. He wouldn’t stop harping on it. We’d have two hour of conversations and it would go nowhere. He’d ask what I thought, I said sleep on it and the conversations would always leave me upset. We sexted successfully. At one point taking a break and resuming when I got back was on the table and then our meet up fell through due to “finances” and l told him we were in trouble and needed to make it a priority. I was unhappy being home and away from him. My ex and former best friend from a year ago started dating someone new and that kinda hurt. Brought up old stuff. I told my bf (ex now) about it and he encouraged me to talk with him and see what I really wanted. I talked with My former best friend and felt better but do NOT want him back. Told my current that too. but all the conversations started to wear on me and made an ultimatum and said he either needed to just be okay with dating and getting to know each other since we’re still so new and seeing where it goes or break up because this limbo was hard. Something really cheap would be fine the important thins was seeing each other. He chose to break up despite our potential saying we were too driven and there wasn’t room for compromise. I shot back two days later with a rebuttle full of possible compromises and reasons we worked. saying distance was playing a part in all this stress and suggested a break instead and to talk when I got back. He responded a week later saying he hasn’t changed his mind and his mom was in the hospital. Nausea and bruises from falling. His dad died two years ago and he’s compelled to stay near his mom and was thinking of buying a house that weekend. I sent something about not being important to him and he said that wasn’t true but I was entitled to feel the way I want. All this was over text.
    I did 37 days no contact and reached out to him. I’ve reflected on what I did wrong. I made demands when we were both struggling and frustrated. Should’ve just held on till summer instead of pushing all of this when we were far apart. That broke it down. He responded within one minute and it was positive. We had a brief conversation that went well I was pleased. I just completed day three with less enthusiasm. I was less interesting talked exclusively about Pokemon Go which he started playing and just asked questions and it ended with a one word response one text over the recommended amount. He’s been on the dating site we met up on again for about a week. Started off slowly and has been hitting it hard the last few days. I think he wants someone new before I get back. I have nine days till I’m back in town and I just want to make sure I am able to see him in person. I think that’s my bets bet. He has a history of seeing exes again and keeping contact with them. He said usually they end up sleeping together but I don’t think it goes farther. I just want to start again and be more open and less uptight with the future. Because there are many ways it could work out. all this negative projection is what killed it. And I certainly didn’t help, but he’s smart, stubborn and a pessimist. Likes to be a martyr and let girls pursue their careers and futures since he’s set on staying in Savannah. We really liked each other otherwise and had a lot of chemistry. It was the wanting to know for sure now that it would work out that ruined it. What can I do to ensure that? Does it even seem like there’s a good chance? Is the 12 day plan gonna work for this? I may skip phone calls because those we how we got here. I know a conflicting goal that big means I should probably give up, but I think there is a compromise that’ll work for us. I half a year and a half before I’m done with school to figure it out. He called me his ray of sunshine, talked about living together and talked about how next summer we’d make sure I stayed in town so we wouldn’t do this again before it ended this way.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 12:52 pm

      Hi Rachel

      if it’s just a friendly meet that’s ok.. dont talk about feelings or relationships and make it short.. leave at a high point

  7. Taylor

    August 25, 2016 at 11:28 pm

    Hi, my name is Taylor and I just need some advice. I’m 18 years old and my ex boyfriend is 17 years old, I just graduated high school and am now in college and he is in high school still, we were together for 2 years. We are supposed to be in the same grade, but we both started at different times. we were happily together for about a year and 3 months before we broke up in the beginning of the summer. Everything was perfect, we both were happy, the average amount of fights, had fun together, made a lot of memories, but it all kind of changed by the end of the school year because I felt like he was pushing me away. I might have over reacted and broke up with him too fast instead of trying to work it out, but I just didn’t feel loved anymore. Back and forth we talked and said how we maybe just needed time apart, even tried fwb, but even that was too hard because I didn’t like the fact that he could do anything with anyone since we weren’t in a relationship anymore. Things got so bad when he went to Greece and again saw his child friend that has been a problem for me since the beginning of our relationship and I told him that I didn’t feel right about her. He got so cocky up there and in anger after I had had did something wrong again, that he told me he didn’t want to give our relationship another chance and that he thinks he might feel something for his childhood friend that he had told me numerous times he didn’t like. (Which I never believed) at that moment I cut it off, we blocked each other on Snapchat and Instagram and I initiated the NC rule. He didn’t contact me. Until the 30th day, he called me to say that he was sorry, and that he still cares about me and no matter he’ll always be there for me, and he wanted to wish me luck on college and that he doesn’t want anything bad to be between us. He said he still thinks it’s best for us to stay friends, and he says that he doesn’t want to hurt me. I told him that he can’t hurt me because I’ve already been hurt and that I don’t want to date him anymore right now either, was that wrong for me to say? He also brought up again the childhood friend, and also asked me if I was talking to anyone and I said that I kinda, but it’s not serious. That night, we just ended up talking longer than the conversation was intended to. Now we’ve been talking on DM’s about going out for my birthday and just normal conversation. Is that a good sign? What is he thinking? What should I do next? I’m so confused. I really need help. I feel like Serena in Gossip Girl when her and Dan broke up and then after the summer they get together again… I tried moving on, I feel a lot better than I did when we broke up in the beginning, I haven’t begged for him back. I never felt like this with anyone before. We even said in the beginning and even after the “honeymoon stage” was supposed to be over that it felt like we were soul mates. We just both feel like we met too early in life. I know we are both young, but I just need another opinion on what’s going on right now. Thanks in advance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 29, 2016 at 4:17 pm

      HI Taylor,

      I’m not sure if he’s trying to be friends with benefits again or stringing your along or really into you.. but are you thinking about starting no contact?

  8. Alexa

    August 8, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    My ex and I were together for 7 years. We broke up last year. We were in a LDR. We had no contact whatsoever for a year and a half. Until we met again through friends when we were both in our homeland. At first we were both hesitant to be with each other. Especially alone but then we did get closer and closer. We both agreed though that were just friends but started doing what we usually did when were still together. Going to dinners, hanging out, kissing, but we both really never cleared up our relationship status.

    I came back to my country of residence. We still continued to talk. Friendly talks. Before he sleeps. When he wakes up. Sometimes frequently but sometimes we don’t talk for almost a week. Finally, I’ve had the courage to actually ask him what we were. If he wants me to find someone else new. He said Yes. He says he loves me but we can’t be together since we are so different. I explained to him that we both tried moving on. We both had the flings we thought will save us but look where we are. Talking again. Then he told me, don’t think about these kinds of things right now. Let’s talk about it some other time.

    I really don’t know what to do. Do I keep on waiting for him? do I do the NC rule all over again?


    1. Alex

      August 10, 2016 at 1:58 pm

      Should I just give him more time to think and continue being friends with him? We broke up before because I was very very clingy and controling.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 11, 2016 at 6:09 pm

      Hmm.. it looks like he’s not that attracted.. he may even see the old you and maybe because you invest too much compared to him.. and also, you were too available for him.. He has to chase. And in order for that to happen, you have to have your own life. You have to be valuable in his eyes.. I think you should start by doing no contact.. and then continue on the activities you started in no contact..

    3. Alex

      August 10, 2016 at 1:53 pm

      About 2 months. This time I am already back in my country of residence. Note too that I asked him before I left if I should I find someone else, he said No at that time.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 10, 2016 at 9:01 am

      Hi Alex,

      how long were you talking to him before you asked him?

  9. Lynn

    August 8, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    I have been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months. This moved along pretty quickly and by week 5 we knew we were in love. We texted often every day and saw each other as much as we could. We are both in our 40’s divorced with children (mine live with me, his live in other cities with their mothers). All was good until June when he lost his job. He left to visit his daughter and when he came back we got in a fight over a female friend of his who wanted to be more. He assured me that I was the one that he loved and I should have left it at that but I made the fatal mistake of writing “the letter” explaining why the situation had hurt me so much. All though he had asked that I never leave him and be his one and only, I noticed a shift in the relationship. Our texting conversations ceased. I would text paragraphs and get short two or three word replies. Most of the time I the one initiating contact. We even go weeks between seeing each other. He says it is because he is depressed because he lost his job. I’m pretty sure I messed things up by being clingy. I stopped texting him yesterday and I haven’t heard a word from him yet. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. We aren’t broken up, but I’m afraid we are headed that way. What should I do? Btw, he recently took a lesser job and I was helping appleal his termination with his previous employer.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 8, 2016 at 2:42 pm

  10. Kinga

    July 29, 2016 at 11:04 pm

    I’m in a very complicated situation and even tho I’ve read all of your articles I’m still not exactly sure what to do. I think I need to start from the very beginning so you can understand my situation well. I met N. 2 years ago during a camp in France. We became friends during it and on the last day he kissed me. But we live on different continents and since he was only 18 and he was 20, he decided it’s going to be wiser to stay friends instead of trying to build a relationship. And so we became best of friends, who were texting each other everyday from good morning to goodnight, and we did a lot of things ‘together’ when we had the chance – watching movies via Skype etc. A year and a half later I managed to visit him in his country. I went for 16 days for Christmas and New Year’s. We had an agreement to be friends but when he saw me, he kissed me on the second day. And so we were in this weird stage where we were having sex and acting like a couple but he was telling me he doesn’t believe in long distance relationships and it’s gonna end when I get back home. Still he was telling me he loves me, that I’m his happiness, his peace, his everything but he’s just too scared to lose me if we would break up. He changed his mind when I actually came back home and we began a long distance relationship. For the first three months he was the most perfect boyfriend I could ever imagine. Then things went wrong somewhere cause we were both so busy with our unis and jobs that we didn’t hve time to visit each other. We were fighting more and more over little things. Five months after my visit he told me he’s not sure if he loves me anymore. One more month later he told me he’s sure he doesn’t love me, that he could never be with me and the best solution is to break up. Altho he still wanted to stay friends. I found your site and went into NC, after that time I told him we can try to be friends. But this was a time where he went to USA for his internship and we ended up fighting again just like we did while being a couple. Then I did a ”mini NC” that lasted two weeks and now we’ve estabilished that we want to rebuild the friendship we had before becoming a couple. The problem is, I still love him. He’s still my everything. And he sends me mixed signals too – he says he’s 100% sure we’re better off without each other but he still finds me attractive, likes talking about sex with me and asks me to ‘talk him to sleep’. We were doing it while we were a couple – we were calling each other and one of us was telling the other stories till she/he fell asleep. He admitted he wants to see me but not now, right after the breakup. He wants to wait till we’ll forget about this and be ‘just friends’ again. So the fastest I will be able to see him is a year from now. I’m not sure if I can keep his interest in me burning that long. How to not be friendzoned? Or how to not become just a girl who he likes to talk dirty with? I have no idea what I should do to stay the attractive funny girl who he would consider dating in his mind. Is this even possible? Will I be able to reattract him a year from now? He’s 21 and I’m 23 now…
    Sorry for mistakes but English isn’t my first language 😉

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2016 at 11:08 am

      Hi kinga,

      I think you didn’t see my reply to your first comment.. I’ll just paste it here
      Hi Ally,

      at least you’ve kind of prepped him for you no contact process. Start to be active now in doing new things and improving yourself. Let’s hope he misses you and reconsiders what he said.

  11. Jayne

    July 26, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    Hi I was wondering if you could help me.

    Me and my ex were together for 5 years before things between us fell apart. He was emotionally abusive towards me and it took me 9 months and an extremely messy break up (it was drawn out over months) for me to finally move on.
    Now I’m moving forward with my life, have a great career and I’m the happiest I have ever been. Now I recently received an email from my ex, asking if I was with anyone else and that he’s been thinking of me every single day. He’s giving me details of what he’s doing and that he’s not dated anyone since we broke up. However, I’m currently talking to a new guy who is the complete opposite of my ex. The new guy is more emotionally available and romantic, yet I’m hesitant to tell him that my ex is making contact because he’s been cheated on in the past, and despite us being exclusive with each other we haven’t reached the point where we have had the talk of being in a relationship together.

    So I’m wondering how to deal with this situation where my ex is reaching out and trying to stir up old feelings, while I’m trying to move forward with the new guy. Any advice?


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 28, 2016 at 4:15 pm

      hi Jayne,

      first, who do you really choose?

  12. N

    July 25, 2016 at 3:20 pm

    Hi Amor,
    I just recently got out of an almost two year relationship with my ex and I’m not sure that he would ever want to get back together with me. We moved in together after about 8 months and moved to a new city. When we moved there a few days in, my ex got into some legal trouble that really put a lot of stress on our relationship. After this we couldn’t really get back to where we were. We would fight a lot about money and him going out and partying. I stood by his side for a year through some of the worse times of his life and right before our lease was up he decided he “didn’t know how to make me happy anymore” and “it just wasn’t working.” So I packed up all my stuff and moved home and he moved in with two of his single friends. Ever since I left I’ve heard all he’s been doing is drinking and partying and acting like I never existed. I don’t really feel like he’s even interested in talking to me anymore. I NC for almost 24 days, but I had to breakdown and text him for money for the last electricity bill. Basically I just want to I know if I’ll be wasting my time in trying to get him back or even if he’s interested?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 28, 2016 at 8:41 am

      Hi N,

      it may take some time before he realizes your worth because he’s been like that for a year but try to stick in no contact and just be active in impriving yourself

  13. E

    July 21, 2016 at 11:23 pm

    Hi. Thanks for this website. It helped me a lot!.

    So I broke up with my ex due religion reason. He brought up marriage issue this March but he didnt want to convert since he is atheist so we cant get married. I didnt see how its gonna end good so I forced to break up. We both were heartbroken. I did contact rule for 21 days. He was happy to hear from me, like he was waiting for it. He gained a looot of weight after our broke up. He is very introverted. Then we texted back and forth. I met him at his place three weeks ago for the first time to take my things, and it was fun and he hugged me tightly in the end. I want him back but I am still not sure how to 1) get him back since I hurt him. I read that he is a turtle so I wont post guy pic. But he is seeing someone right now. Dunno if its serious, and I also popped up out of the blue last night (I know its not okay but I did it anyway cause I missed him. We met for 3 times now. The second time was Sunday 17 July where I came and cried. He hugged me long and kissed me in forehead). He was so shocked and felt ambushed and nervous. He said it was nice to see me but I shouldnt turn up like that since its not fair if he is with someone else at that moment. He kept saying “cheer up! Just fake it till you make it and you will be fine” when he hugged me last night. But when I asked if hes truly healing by now he didnt say straightway just “I am fine”. 2) how to made myself sure if I should chase him again since I am still figuring it out how us be together in marriage since interfaith marriage is not a choice. I did everything like NC, gained attraction, gained holy trinity, dating other people like 10 of others and still my head is filled with my ex. I figure he still loves me but not sure himself cause I sometimes disappear from his life if he didnt text me first or because I decided to move on (which I still cant decide whether I should move on or try to get him back. But I am more into getting him back). He almost never text me first these last 4 months. But he always reply to my text. Do I keep initiating text? How many times? Do I have to text him everyday in order to be the constant force in his life? Should I just wait for him to initiate texting me first by not initiating for a few days? Cause I would go crazy if he didnt text me. I know I should take it slowly but I had no idea how. I could be hugging other guys but I always think of him. Its tiring and I have no one to help me. Please help me.

    1. E

      July 23, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      Hey. Thank you for the reply. I guess its better to move on. I just got snapped by his best girlfriends that I should just let him go. He also said its hard for him but he blocked all thoughts. He said we should focus on ourselves and keep moving forward (exactly what I said when I broke it off with him) that we need more time to move on. He was being nice about it and it made me more difficult to let go. I figure that if he is manly enough he would do whatever it takes to keep me in his life. He said I was the best girlfriend ever that made him finally thinking about marriage. But I guess it doesnt matter anymore now. Whats the point in trying to get him back by building attraction and all if in the end, like Amor said, I cant change him. And I wont change me into someone he needs too.

    2. Jen

      July 23, 2016 at 3:57 am

      Hey yes, wait a couple of days and see if he texts you. If he doesn’t your going to have to be the one to text him however, you may have to do another no contact for 2 weeks and then use the “being there” strategy. Make sure your building attraction slowly.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 22, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      Hi E,

      you have to decide first.. marriage or not? because you can’t change him