By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 24th, 2021

This guide is going to teach you everything you’d ever want to know about how to get a guy back after a breakup.

For well over half a decade I have dedicated my life to uncovering the truth behind what actually works to get your man back. This page is going to teach you everything I’ve learned so that you can apply it to your own situation and hopefully see results.

Oh, and I haven’t even told you the best part yet.

The strategies I’m about to unveil to you have been tested by real individuals who have gotten their men back.

Let’s begin!

How To Get A Guy Back

The first thing you need to understand is that there is no magic bullet when it comes to getting a man back. Rather you’ll find it’s an accumulation of small tactics that work together in tandem that gets you results.

In all, this is the strategy that we are going to be talking about today,

This entire guide is going to be explaining this strategy so this graphic is very important.

Here’s what we are going to be talking about,

  1. The no contact rule
  2. Texting and phone calls
  3. The attraction built throughout
  4. Dating
  5. The ask

Now, I do want to say that what I’m about to unveil to you today isn’t going to answer all of the questions you are inevitably going to have (that’s what my best selling book is for.)

I’m just going to be explaining how the strategy works.

It’s up to you to do the legwork and fill in the gaps that I don’t cover.

Get it?

Got it?


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Step 1: Implement The No Contact Rule

I’ve talked about the no contact rule a lot on this website.

In fact, I’ve even written an entire book about it.

When I work with newbies who have questions about the no contact rule I explain it to them like this.

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Think of getting your guy back as like trying to put a puzzle together.

You need the right pieces to fit together in the right way for the puzzle to be complete.

No tactic is going to complete the puzzle by itself. Instead, it’s a combination of many tactics working in tandem that will get you results.

Now, with that being said if there ever was a puzzle piece that would take up a massive amount of the puzzle it’d be the no contact rule.

Here’s a quick primer on no contact,

The No Contact Rule: A period of time where you ignore your guy on purpose with the intent of making them miss you while at the same time giving yourself some time to cultivate your life.

Now, there is a segment of individuals out there who fight me on the no contact rule and claim that it’s not a good idea.

I actually took those individuals on in a friendly debate with this YouTube video,

In the video I prove that the no contact rule is one of the most effective “recovery” strategies because it garners a total of 4 psychological benefits.

  1. The Theory Of Reactance
  2. Information Gap Theory
  3. Zeigarnik Effect
  4. Unpredictability

Want to know what these are?

Watch the video!

Let’s move on.

Step 2: Texting And Phone Calls

This is where I fear I’ll lose some of you guys because this where people tend to get confused.

What do I mean by that?

Well, step one is very simple.

Implement a no contact rule and ignore your ex.

It’s very straightforward and doesn’t really allow you to be creative.

Step two is a bit different.

This is where you actually begin the reconnection process and you are required to tap into your own creativity to do that.

While some of you may see that and jump for joy it can be daunting when you have options.

So, allow me to simplify this portion of the strategy for you.

  • Text messaging
  • Phone calls
  • Skype
  • Facetime
  • Whatsapp
  • Instagram
  • Snapchat
  • Facebook
  • Etc

Are all what I would consider conversation platforms.

When I say “text messaging and phone calls” I’m talking about rebuilding a connection with your ex via these conversation platforms.

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Now, that may confuse some of you since I have it labeled as “text messaging and phone calls.” Heck, I even have a texting bible that I sell telling you what text messages to use on your exes.

Well, the reason I have it only labeled as text messages and phone calls is that these are the most popular vehicles for conversation that I’ve seen.

The end goal always remains the same no matter the vehicle though.


This leads me to the newest addition to the overall strategy.

Step 3: The Attraction Built Throughout

Have you actually sat back and considered how attraction is actually built?

What separates a guy friend from a guy boyfriend?

Some of you may think it’s the feeling that you have around your potential lover.

But what creates that feeling?

It’s a good question and probably one you’ve never even considered.

A few weeks ago I thought a lot about this question and here is the answer I eventually landed on,

I won’t deny that attraction is built through many different ways but chief among those “ways” are the conversations you have with your potential partner.

You don’t just meet someone for the first time and ask them to marry you, do you?

No, you need to build up trust and often building that trust looks a little like this,

It’s a slow ascent of building enough trust so that your guy is willing to be receptive to you when you actually do start sharing feelings for example.

Now, the biggest misconception I see among my coaching clients is that they think this “attraction” or “trust” can be built in a day.

That’s wrong.

Sometimes this can take months which is why if you look at this graphic,

I have the attraction spread out over the course of the entire process.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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You need to be having these kinds of conversations from the moment you start getting back in touch with your ex after the no contact rule and slowly build to the point where the two of you are comfortable sharing feelings with each other again.

If you are still confused don’t sweat it, I explain it all in my book.

Let’s move on!

Step 4: Dating 

Dating is kind of interesting to talk about.

A lot of people think that once they get their man to agree to a date with them that their work is done.

That would be a false assumption.

Everything you do is working you towards positive reception if that makes any sense.

You see, if you want to win a guy back the number one fear you have to worry about is having your man deny your attempts to reconnect.

So, every step of the way we are building up credibility and trust.

We are stacking the odds in our favor so that when the time does come for the next step, the ask, your ex will agree and you’ll be back together.

When you get to the dating portion of the strategy it’s often time to start focusing on these things,

  1. Getting your guy to break virgin ground
  2. Sharing feelings with each other

Now, what are these things.

Well, virgin ground is simply trying to get your man to tell you something that he’s never told anyone before.

It’s the ultimate sign of trust and often an indication that he is ready to be receptive towards the two of you sharing your feelings with each other.

The tricky part is that often the “virgin ground” and “sharing feelings” can only be done in person because having someone there applies the right type of romantic pressure to extract those things.

Step 5: The Ask

This part of the strategy is pretty interesting because I’m not too sure on what I can add to it that you don’t already know about.

Here’s what I’ll say.

“The ask” should be the easiest part of the strategy.

The keyword there being “should.”

If often isn’t, and this is an indication that everything prior to this point hasn’t been done properly.

Does that makes sense?

The ask is simply the culmination of everything that happened before it, it should come naturally without any real effort.

Sometimes you do have to push things through on your own but assuming you do everything prior to this point correctly it should happen pretty easily.

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15 thoughts on “How To Get Your Guy Back”

  1. Cheyenne ward

    January 2, 2021 at 3:23 am

    Hi Chris!
    So my situation is a little difficult I go through a lot and have a lot of stress. It was very stressful a lot towards the end. It was a 3 year relationship with small break ups in between. I’m not sure if I can get him back because it’s been the fourth time I broke up with him. He always came back every time I asked him too. Now he’s in control because I want him back but he is saying he needs time but I continue to text him and say how sorry I am and everything. I’m going to try no contact tomorrow I hope it works. He did hang out with another woman he told me that and went out to a party on New Years. I love his whole entire family but he’s said he hasnt been happy and neither have I. I also share a child with another man man but have not been with him in 4 years. He causes a lot of issues in the relationship and my current ex doesn’t know if he wants to put up with that anymore. I don’t know if he is going to say goodbye or give me another chance. I told him I’m going to change and respect his honesty. Do you think he may come back or do you think it’s failed.

  2. Bridgette

    May 9, 2020 at 6:50 pm

    Hi. My boyfriend and I just recently broke up. We were together just shy of a year and this came out of nowhere. He’d told me he hadn’t recognized his true feelings until now, and that deep down something was telling him our relationship wasn’t right for him and that he doesn’t feel the same as he did in the beginning. But at the same time he says he still loves and cares for me a lot. I want to be with him again and continue our relationship after we’ve both had space, how do you suggest I approach this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 19, 2020 at 1:05 pm

      Hi Bridgette, as the articles say you need to start with NC and work on your Holy Trinity, then read and prepare yourself for your first reach out that Chris suggests

  3. Lauren

    May 7, 2019 at 7:36 am

    Hey Chris,

    I commented on here a couple of months ago after I turned up drunk to where my ex was. Went no contact for 5 weeks reached out, it went semi okay but my ex told me he was fine & didn’t want to meet. We got talking again a few weeks later, we spent 2 days talking all day & then the 3rd day he said he had noticed we were talking a lot & he wanted to tell me that he didn’t want to get back together. It went into a bit of an argument & he said some hurtful things that we had no connection (we were together a year) it doesn’t matter if I change, we weren’t a match. We then carried on talking normally for 4 more days & then he said that he didn’t want to talk all the time & it got into another bit of an argument & then I called him crying and he said that I need to put things into perspective & that I’m pushing him away more by trying to convince him (when he said we had no connection I said no one would be together for a year without a connection & when he kept on saying he’s fine, I said no one who’s fine would keep saying that) & he maybe we shouldn’t talk, maybe leave it for a few months. He also admitted he does think about me (and then straight after he said he doesn’t regret his decision)

    It’s been 4 months since we broke up. I’ve been having therapy, got a new job, working out, making new friends. Am trying to improve but it’s frustrating when he’s so stubborn & stuck with these crazy beliefs that we had no connection & he feels the need to tell me every time we talk & it’s going okay, that he doesn’t want to get back together.

    Have I completely self sabotaged and ruined my chances?

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 7, 2019 at 8:03 pm

      HI Lauren…..everybody makes plenty of mistakes in their quest to win back their ex. Him being stuck in an old way of viewing things is really something he needs to grapple with because you have options and need not wait forever for him to open up his mind to a new way of looking at the future. Continue with your personal recovery and healing and growth. These are the things you have the most influence over and they will help you immense in your life going forward.

  4. Lauren

    February 19, 2019 at 6:43 am

    Thanks Chris!

    So we spoke Thursday more or less the same stuff then we started speaking normally, he was asking me loads of questions sending me multiple messages (5-6) and I was replying and asking him stuff too. This went on to Friday & then I stopped replying. He then started looking at my instagram stories again. But then Saturday I blew it, I got very drunk called him & went to where he was with all his friends & cos I was so drunk I’m not really sure what he said other than saying we might get back together but I need to leave & my refusal to leave was convincing him he made the right decision about breaking up with me. Then we talked & I cried cos we were telling each other our parents really liked each other & he was agreeing with me (he had said some not so nice things before so he said he didn’t mean it) then I left and he text saying did I get home okay he really cares about me he’s not in love with me though. Obviously Sunday I apologised & said I hate myself for acting like that. He said we need space, we’re both very emotional. I said we do, let’s have some time & I need to work on getting to a better place & being semi fluent in Spanish. He said “hahaha ok ☺️“

    Have I blown it? Is it too late to do NC? I want to try and do it until he messages me (he has some stuff of mine so he will need to message me in a month)

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 20, 2019 at 3:01 am

      Hi Lauren…no, I don’t think its tool late. You have the right idea about focusing on your own recovery. NC facilitates that and much more.

  5. Lauren

    February 12, 2019 at 7:35 am

    My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago out of the blue. We’ve been together just shy of a year. He said he couldn’t see a future with me but he loved me and cared about me. Which is weird as we have loads of plans for this year & the week before we were talking about moving to Spain in the future (he’s Spanish) and he was very keen saying i’d Pick up the language easier & asking if I’d look for English speaking jobs already.

    I tried speaking to him the next day and that’s when he said he didn’t love me and didn’t want to waste my time.

    I sent him screen shots of us talking about Spain and he said he was confused & he needed some time to see how he feels.

    Yesterday he texted me (after 10 days NC) asking if I was okay (I messaged) he said he felt guilty and was unhappy coz I was unhappy & his parents have come to stay with him for 3 weeks cos he’s so sad. He was still saying he didn’t know and said he should feel that he should know whether I’m the one or not. I tried to make him think rationally but he kept saying he didn’t know still.

    (He thinks because our personalities are quite similar that is a problem)

    I really thought it was over so I said if we can’t work through this together I need to get my stuff, block you and move on.

    His response was “I was convinced when I broke up but now I’m feeling confused, maybe because I’m all alone and its dark and my house is too big. I don’t know.

    I don’t wanna hurt you more. I’m confused that if we get back together and then I do the same thing to you (which I’ve already done twice before) then it’s just gonna cause more pain.

    I’m just not good at making decisions and I’m very insecure”

    What do I do? I’m so confused? I love him but don’t want to be strung along anymore if this is actually the case (I think he loves me)

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 13, 2019 at 12:47 am

      Hi Lauren…so I think you will benefit from having a structured ex recovery plan….not just for your efforts in getting your ex back, but for yourself to…the healing of your emotional wounds and the recovery activities you can engage in.

  6. Thindi

    January 22, 2019 at 9:30 am and the father of my child broke up for 11months now he does not even bother to see the child now i blocked him on my whatspp and facebook n i even changed my number so that i won’t have him to call me or still inlove with him and i can’t stop thinking i dont know if i should let him go and take a hint…n move on please i need some advice.

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 22, 2019 at 3:31 pm

      Hi Thindi…your focus should be on your personal recovery and healing. Allow for some time to go by so you can draw closer to your feelings about what you really want and need.

  7. Megan

    October 4, 2018 at 1:01 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex broke up with me 5 months ago after 3 years together. We never fought and we had never broken up before. We continued to see each other occasionally throughout the summer. He helped me with moving and sometimes we just hung out and talked. He often expressed his desire to have sex with me. At the end of the summer I told him I couldn’t continue to see him if we weren’t even trying to work on our relationship. He ended up getting scared and spent some time telling me he wanted to work on things. That back-fired though and he went right back to saying he needs to figure things out by himself and that we need to close this chapter. He says he loves me but isn’t in love with me. That something was missing for him and the relationship wasn’t right. Which is true, he stopped being invested and being affectionate towards me awhile ago. On the positive side, he says he can’t picture himself with anyone else, that I’m his best friend and best companion. We have everything in common. We’ve grown up together. That others girls just aren’t Megan and that he doesn’t want to lose me any more than I want to lose him. We are now 3 weeks into no contact. I don’t know what to do next though. When can I reach out to him and do I try to proceed with friendship first?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:21 am

      Hi Megan!

      You ex seems to be coming and going. I thinking you stay with NC, but go get my book to you know what you are doing! There are steps to how you should reach out after NC and things you should be doing during NC! Just visit my home page and you will see all my resources there!

  8. Shannon Robertson

    October 3, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    Hey there, I need a lot of advice on my situation. I am so confused and to be honest, I am probably never going to win my ex back…

    So my ex left me, 3 weeks ago. We have been together for one year and 9 months. We had such a great time together, we were passionate, mega attracted and had a great friendship. We’ve been on 5 holidays together, lots of experiences together, I even lived with him and his family for around 7 months and I have a great relationship with his family. We even spent christmas together! Around 4 months ago, he started to say that something was missing, the ‘spark’. I thought it was because of his new job, which had demanding hours, which resulted in us not spending much time together, our work times always clashed but we made a good effort to make the most of it. We have had lots of arguements and disagreements but I feel that we were always trying out best to work through unfortunate circumstances. Anyway 2 months ago, he told me he wanted to leave the relationship as feelings were going, we talked about it, I kind of felt that he was feeling that way, even though I didn’t want to hear it because obviously I am madly in love with him. We agreed to spend the summer together without any pressure on him to feel romantic etc with me (as I was off for the summer due to my teaching). I said to him, don’t tell me you love me, or act passionately with me etc, unless you feel that your spark is back and that you feel that you want to. He agreed. We spent the summer together and it was great, 2 weeks in he was telling me he loved me, his spark was back (which he promised me it was -even though i told him he didn’t have to unless he was honest) which he said he knows. Things improved, I felt his spark come back, we were very happy and passionate and I saw him make more effort into the relationship. I was so HAPPY! After the summer, we returned back to work and our life schedule. We had a couple of arguements, but nothing out of the ordinary from what normal couples have. Most of our time was really happy and loving. So. He came round to my house 3 weeks ago, we were cuddling and kissing speaking about our future together (saving for a flat etc.) then, he said “I can’t do this anymore”. I was so shocked. I didn’t see it coming. He said he loved me, cared for me and was attracted to me but there was something missing. I couldn’t believe it but I remained calm and I did not beg, I said I will respect his feelings and hope that he finds happiness. He didn’t leave me house… he kept hugging me, and prolonging leaving, he even asked if he could stay over and I said no, not if he was leaving me. He said he would text me when he got home, I said, why, we aren’t together anymore. It’s like he couldn’t believe what had happened. He left, I was heartbroken. I went and got all my belonging the next day from his house. He called me on the Sunday asking how I was, we talked, he said he was really down etc. I appeared to be ok but still obviously sad. He then arranged with me to get his belongings from my house the following Friday at 5pm. Friday came, 5pm, 6pm, 7pm nothing, not even a text. So I phoned and no answer. Then he called me half an hour later saying “Sorry I got tied up with things I can’t come. I said “what have you been tied up with, we had plans”. He said I am going to see my friend. I said “well thats fine but you had plans with me and could have let me know”. He responded “Well I will just cancel my plans then” hung up. Then he came walking into my house, talked like normal, made coffees etc. I couldn’t believe it. I asked him if he was certain that the break up was right to which he said “I’ve been thinking about it all week but yes”. So I accepted that. He then stayed talking for hours and started saying he was tired and wasn’t sure if he would be ok to drive home (1hour away). So I suggested he could stay but I would stay in the other room. We went upstairs, then he undressed and jumped in my bed, we watched a tv series and he then cuddled into me – as if he were together. Then he tried to have sexual intercourse with me, to which i said no. We fell asleep that night, didn’t discuss it and then he left in the morning saying he hopes we can be friends and meet for coffee soon. I messaged him afterwards asking to talk. To which he ignored. 2 weeks went by no contact at all. He blocked and deleted me off his social media, but not his mobile or whatsapp. I then contacted him after the two week period to inform him i had come across more of his things and asked if he would like to get them. He said yeah we can meet for a quick bite to eat on Sunday. So I agreed.

    What now? I am so confused by his actions and words. I still love him and want him back. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I am slowly losing him and that he is set in his mind that he will not come back to me and this breaks my heart. Does anyone have any advice? What steps can I do to atleast try to get him back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:30 am

      Hi Shannon!

      So there is a lot going on here! Have you thought about trying out my Program as it designed to help you with making the right moves.