We are never ever, ever, ever getting back together

I never thought I’d begin an article for ExBoyfriend Recovery by quoting a Taylor Swift song, but here we are. I thought it was appropriate for the topic of this article, because we are going to be talking about how to make stubborn exboyfriends who are adamant about breaking up come running back, begging to be yours again.

Yesterday, someone posted in our private Facebook group asking if anyone had their ex say one of the following:

“I just don’t think we’re compatible.”

“I don’t feel the same for you anymore.”

“I don’t see a future with you.”

“I think we’re better off as friends.”

“This isn’t working.”

Et cetera.

The answer is yes. Absolutely. All the girls who responded heard one or more of these lines, or something similar. It is very common for a man to feel very secure in his decision to end it, and to use one of these to end the conversation, for fear of the woman trying to “talk him out of it.”

Using any of these lines helps to make the break feel more permanent, and right now, he is set on ending it.

The thing is, it is often these guys who are so adamant about the relationship being over who end up coming back some time down the road.

Take my ex for instance: We were together for a number of years, and I anticipated we would be together for a good deal more. But then he ended it, using the first of the lines mentioned above, as well as a slew of others.

I didn’t beg or plead, though. I knew deep down that he would be back.

And he is.

And you’ll be surprised to know what happened to make this stubborn guy change his tune.

Newsflash… it wasn’t begging.

Processing Time

It is no secret that men and women process things differently. You’ve seen this picture online posted on various social media, right?

The timing may be off, but the overall concept is true.

After a breakup, the woman tends to begin processing emotions immediately. That is why so many man refer to their ex’s as “crazy.” After a breakup, they are hurt, so they tend to throw all logic out the window and react emotionally, trying to salvage the relationship. The guy’s immediate reaction is to go out with friends, and even begin dating again. He may be sad, but because of societal standards, he doesn’t show it, and instead acts out, as though he doesn’t care. My ex was absolutely guilty of this after our breakup, and it was extremely painful to observe.

But then, a few weeks to months later (depending on the length of your relationship), the woman will start to feel a bit better. She’ll start going out with friends, taking up new hobbies, going to the gym, and she may even begin to hesitantly start dating again. This is the point where the reality of the breakup actually begins to set in for the guy. Going out isn’t as fun as it was, none of the hot girls he’s dating seem to stack up to how wonderful his ex girlfriend was, and his life begins to feel monotonous and boring.

Fast forward to 6 months to a year later (again, depending on the people involved and the length of the relationship). The woman is embracing life as a single woman, she’s being asked out by eligible bachelors constantly. She is nurturing her relationships with her friends and family, and she is taking steps towards her goals.

Women tend to lose themselves in relationships more than men do. We tend to prize our relationships and emotional connections above all else, whereas men tend to prize work and public accomplishments. A good girlfriend can add so much to a man’s life, but he might not realize how much until she’s gone. But when a woman begins to find herself again after a breakup (and that is at base what the ExBoyfriend Recovery program is all about), she gets to put herself and her needs first, when before, she put her partner’s needs and desires above even her own.

My point here is that men and women process things very differently. A recent study by Binghamton University and University College London found that though women hurt more as they result of a breakup, they also tend to deal with breakups in a more healthy way – grieving, and then doing a lot of self improvement work to feel better about themselves. This means that when they get back out there on the dating scene, they are more confident and attractive than ever. And they really have done the healing work and are over their ex fully, ready to embark on the next relationship healthily.

The same study found that men tend to react way differently. They distract themselves and don’t actually work to get over or recover from the relationship.

Instead, they do what I mentioned above – go out with friends, fill the void with other women, etc. But then, after a certain amount of time, the reality of the breakup begins to set in. They realize that A) They actually do want a life partner and they have to get back out and compete on the dating scene again; or B) What they had was absolutely irreplaceable, he let her go, and now she has moved on.

This is the dynamic that is at play when Chris says “They always come back after you’ve moved on.” I know this to be true. My ex came back – he said he had been processing his feelings in his alone time and realized a lot of things about our relationship, and himself. I told him, “but you were so sure” and he said that it had just taken time.

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Moving on Without Moving On

If your exboyfriend was stubborn and adamant about the breakup, please keep the above in mind. There are academic studies that support the theory that men think less about the repercussions of ending a relationship, and others like the above that support the idea that they don’t recover as fully. I think this makes these stubborn men likely to return, but you have to play it the right way. After all, my ex is stupid stubborn, and he made a return.

So, what is the best way to play the chess game with a stubborn exboyfriend? It depends on what stage you’re at (as always No Contact is first and foremost).

Think about the study above and the implications. Women take longer to recover, but recover more fully/healthily. Men seemingly bounce back right away, but it is all a facade. We know that men tend to return back to relationships as soon as their ex girlfriend has moved on. Therefore, I have come up with an equation:

Self Improvement + Fear of Loss = Moving On Without Moving On

Let’s tackle Self Improvement First.

My ex mentioned on more than one occasion how blown away he was by all of the things I accomplishing after our separation. I took a lot of things that he considered negative qualities about me and turned them around. I worked on my confidence. I worked to become a better person. I did it for myself, though, not for him. And that was the key. I killed the No Contact Rule. I tackled the Holy Trinity of health, wealth, and relationships.

WORK ON YOURSELF. FOR YOURSELF.

This is a key concept of moving on without moving on. You may not actively be moving on to new people, but you are moving forward in your life and attacking personal goals. And that’s sexy as hell. To re-attract your ex back you can’t just focus on your interactions and how he’s responding to your texts. You have to re-attract him by becoming more attractive to him again (and I’m not just talking physically), and make him question his reasons for breaking up with such a badass lady. The best thing you can do is focus on self improvement. And if you do that, it will assist with getting closer to getting your ex back, but it will also make you happier with yourself and your life. Embrace No Contact. Embrace Yourself.

Alright, on to Fear of Loss.

I don’t know if you’ve ever broken up with someone. I have, a couple of times. And each time I did, I felt secure in the knowledge that if I ever wanted them back, they’d come running (for the record, I’ve never wanted any of them back – women tend to take their time deciding to end things, remember?)

But I digress.

My point is, your ex may feel secure, thinking that if he wants you back, you’ll be there with just a snap of his fingers. You can’t let him feel this security. He has to be scared that he is going to lose you, that you could move on.

So what do you do to strike that fear in his heart? I’d say there are two options here. First, there is jealousy. Obviously, a new person entering the picture is going to make even the most stubborn of ex’s a bit nervous if he has any residual feelings. Post that you’re going out with a guy friend. Casually mention a male co-worker’s name in a story to your ex, post a picture of a great dinner you’re having, and make the male hand around the beer stein slightly obvious, but not too obvious.

The other way to achieve this is scarcity. Just be a little less available to him. Don’t pick up his call, and instead send him to voicemail. Let a few texts go unanswered. Indulge in some push/pull to make him worry that he is losing you and your life has become too busy for him, whether or not there is another man in it.

If you can utilize both of these tools, it will help to make your ex start to wonder if you really are over him. And no one likes being unwanted, even if they broke up with the person.

Just remember, most guys tend to come back to their ex girlfriends as soon as they have started moving on. So if you can create the illusion that you are moving on and moving forward, it may cause him to return to you sooner. But keep in mind that is he thinks he has you, he’s not going to be afraid of losing you.

The Bottom Line

If a guy tells you any of the above things I mentioned at the top of this article, or anything in that same vein, I urge you to instead take it with a grain of salt.

People change all the time, and so do their feelings.

While writing this article, I kept thinking about Buffy and Spike. Spike becomes head over heels for Buffy in season 5, but she is less than interested:

Spike: “You can’t tell me that there isn’t anything there between you and me. I know you feel something.”
Buffy: “It’s called revulsion. And whatever you think you’re feeling it’s not love. You can’t love without a soul.”
Drusilla: “Oh, we can, you know. We can love quite well… if not wisely.”

-Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Crush”

However, in the last episode of the series, she tells him she loves him, and I even hear that they get together in the comics (which are considered cannon). What did Spike do to get Buffy to love him? He changed? He also utilized jealousy tactics (bringing a date to Xander’s wedding in “Hell’s Bells”). It worked. Buffy is the epitome of stubborn, but she couldn’t’ deny that there were feelings between them (much to my chagrin – I’m a Buffy/Angel shipper all the way).

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Stubbornness is nothing when feelings are concerned. If you do the work and start moving on without moving on, I would say you have a nice chance of having your ex show up to your door and telling you he misses you and wants you back. Your power comes from appearing to move on. So embrace that, and all the positive changes that come along with it.

(Written by Rachel)

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164 thoughts on “How to Make a Stubborn Ex Boyfriend Come Running Back”

  1. Avatar

    Sudhida

    May 8, 2020 at 8:30 am

    My ex broke up with me during the virus outbreak. We’d been together for 8 months and got along well, support each other all this time. We even had a plan to get me to be with him there because we had a long distance relationship.

    One night we had a fight on the phone because of my insecurities when he drove home. I hung up on him and he iced me out for a week untill week later he cudnt do it anymore. He said he fedup when i accused him looking at other girls when we were together, he said he had to be aware of what he say or do to not offends me. He said he still love me but he didnt have patient enough. I told him i will improve myself and be a better self but he said he cudnt take it anymore and he wasnt sure i could change. At the beginning he still view my story on fb ,eventually ,he started to block me one by one on social media. Now we dont talk…i know he has difficult time at work and financially during lockdown. He came from a broken family and being bullied all his life and his 2 previous exes cheated on him. That’s what he told me when we were still good. I don’t know if he needs more space or time to sort things out or this is really over. I still love him so much.

  2. Avatar

    okumura

    May 1, 2020 at 1:14 am

    My ex boyfriend just wanna be friends with me. I actually the one who always text him first, want to call him. We’ve been in relationship for 1 year. I don’t want it to go to waste. I still want him. I still love him so much. I think I have attachment issue here. I’m way too clingy, wanting to text. I always listen to what he ask me. He ask both of us to “break” for a while because of college. And when the college is over, i thought it’d went well again like we used to. But he said he wanted to be friends. But he don’t want to cut ties or contact. cause he said he need me too. I miss our cuddles and kisses. I want to focus on myself for now but i’m still scared to lose him. I really hope he’d came back. I hope I can be better version of myself

  3. Avatar

    Stephanie

    April 27, 2020 at 9:09 am

    Hey I have been in no contact for 6 weeks and he used to watch my stories on Instagram and stopped watching them on the 3 week mark of no contact and hasn’t looked at them since then. He finally unblocked me a week ago but still doesn’t watch my stories. Is he over me? Should I go longer into no contact? Help pleaseeeee

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 2:18 pm

      Hi Stephanie, I wouldnt break NC yet I would leave it a little longer as he unblocked you. I wouldnt say he was over you but it does sound as if he is less emotional about the break up now. Make sure when you reach out it is a text that Chris suggests to get him talking, this can be found on this website or in his videos on youtube

  4. Avatar

    Neha

    March 16, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    My bf broke up with me because he don’t have any topics to discuss with me….He became too tired of this relationship…he is very bored….We had 2 years of relationship….Will he ever contact me?….will he comeback after breakup?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 8:34 pm

      Hey Neha, so the issue with your ex being bored of the relationship means that things are getting too predicable for him. So do some things that your ex would not expect you to do from the impression of he has of you now you are predicable. Use social media to allow your ex to feel like he is on the outside looking in

  5. Avatar

    kelly rowland

    March 7, 2020 at 10:12 pm

    Me and my bf broke up last week. We have been together for one and half year. It has been almost one week. I didn’t talk to him since then. He didn’t talk to me either. We had dinner on Friday night, then he said we need to break up on Saturday. I had feeling he probably gonna break up with me, coz he has been very distant over the past week. He said I have been consistantly mad at him. Most of the time he didn’t understand why I got angry. It made him feel he is terrible person. He was unhappy and can’t see the future with me. I admit that it’s my fault to upset at him. But we actually talked about why I got upset later on. I thought we were fine. I didn’t expect he would break up with me. I said we can work it out, but he said it won’t work out, coz both of us won’t change ourselves. I asked him is the break up just a while, he said forever. So I went back to home and he sent me message said he is sorry things had to end like that. I think the biggest problem for our relationship is I need to control my emotion, instead of giving him the unhappy face and being cold. I should just tell him why I got upset. So I think the reason coz our break up is my emotion issue and insecure issue. My bf is very stubborn and dertermined. Is there any chance I can get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 8:04 pm

      Hi Kelly yes there is a chance but if you know you are emotional and insecure then you need to work on that before you reach the texting phase, try to work the No Contact for 45 days where you then focus on yourself and self love!

  6. Avatar

    Chene Brits

    February 16, 2020 at 2:14 pm

    Hi My ex and i broke up almost 3 weeks ago,in these 3 weeks he has been visiting me and not able to resist me at all, saying he really do love me and misses me but he is still hurt to give us another chance, I cheated, but changed my habits, what can I do to make him come back? after all he does miss me and he does love me, i am trying Radio silence, but why must he be so stubborn? the attraction between us is there and both of us want to have a future together.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 17, 2020 at 10:39 am

      Hi Chene, so the reason your ex is doing this is that he is struggling with the break up. However I am not sure from your post what you want? If you want to get back together and he is not willing to do that then you need to not see him, refuse to meet him. Do not allow him to see you tell him you are not available better yet completely ignore the text. Actions speak louder than words. Follow the rules of NO contact and I am sure that your ex will feel that he needs to commit to you or lose you

  7. Avatar

    Sam

    January 6, 2020 at 9:03 am

    January 3, 2020 at 9:03 am

    Hi, my ex and i dated for 6 months. Everything was going great until before his finals. He asked that we don’t have contact for 2 months until he is done with his finals and I did that. Then after that, we argued and he said he didn’t think of me but said it and nothing to do with me, its something wrong with him. I went out and the night he gave me a call ending things when we intended to work things out before that but my mom gave him a phonecall when she saw me in tears without me knowing while I was out. He thinks I put my mom up to it and was so upset that he called me psycho and all other horrible names after I tried talking him into not giving up on us. He is so stubborn and says he is done for good. I am still hurting as I felt he was the love of my life. What can I do to make him speak to me again? And is there a chance that he will come back? He is so stubborn and said he never goes back to things that once was.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 8, 2020 at 11:08 pm

      Hi Sam, so it is difficult time to go through finals the pressure worry and stress that happens during this time can take its toll on some people. So if you want your ex back, you need to complete a No Contact and during that time you need to work on yourself so when finals and he is over the “relief” stage of this he may be open to speaking to you where you need to keep it friendly and short at first and build it up as Chris explains in his value chain videos and articles

  8. Avatar

    Sam

    January 3, 2020 at 9:03 am

    Hi, my ex and i dated for 6 months. Everything was going great until before his finals. He asked that we don’t have contact for 2 months until he is done with his finals and I did that. Then after that, we argued and he said he didn’t think of me but said it and nothing to do with me, its something wrong with him. I went out and the night he gave me a call ending things when we intended to work things out before that but my mom gave him a phonecall when she saw me in tears without me knowing while I was out. He thinks I put my mom up to it and was so upset that he called me psycho and all other horrible names after I tried talking him into not giving up on us. He is so stubborn and says he is done for good. I am still hurting as I felt he was the love of my life. What can I do to make him speak to me again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 5, 2020 at 12:29 am

      Hey Sam, read about the Ungettable and apply that to your life so that you show your ex using social media how amazing you are and all these things you are doing with your life and they are missing out on, do things that you said you would do together – without them. Do things that are exciting, adventurous, things that are so unlike you.

  9. Avatar

    Andrea

    November 22, 2019 at 2:20 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I have been off and on for 10 years. The first time we broke up is because I wouldn’t allow him to move his abusive family member in with us. Within 2 months he found someone that he ultimately married. I stayed clear. Then one day he came back crying saying he made a mistake and that it was supposed to be me not her that he married. He divorced her and said he wanted to try again and that he missed his best friend. Because of the emotional roller coaster I yes and no him about a relationship for a year. When we did get into a committed relationship he showed signs of chesting with 5 months. Cheating indeed he was. I cried told him that we should work on this not him cheating. He said I was stressing him out on top of everything else in his life. Within five months he was back. I told him if I took him back that it would be the last time so for months he put forth 100%. Then I learned of the abusive family member returning so I told him when he moved in the following month they couldn’t come. So instead of breaking up with me he cheated and I learned of it through fb. He said I was making assumptions. Lo and behold he was dating her. Because I invested my all I am hurt and distraught and tried everything told him I needed him. He said he is done and will never return. I miss and love him and feel we dont give our relationship real chances because of all the issues that come into play. Instead of him talking it out he finds other women to stroke his ego. He also said that I wouldn’t let my family know that we were together. I tried to explain that we needed to make real changes like him moving in first which is what he promised me when he returned and marriage. He wasnt hearing that. Now he wont return my calls or allow us to fix things vs him cheating and dating someone else and realizing later that we are suppose to be together. I always move on and date but nothing serious. Can this be fixed? He’s so stubborn and parading the new girl like I never existed.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2019 at 6:22 pm

      Hi Andrea, so I think there is a chance to get him back yes as an on and off again relationship usually gets back together, but you are also likely to break up again unless you work through your issues in a mature and controlled way. For example couples therapy. But that is somethign you need to look into and prepare for. Following the program will show your ex how you are not going to tolerate his behavior going forward and he would need to change to get back with you

  10. Avatar

    Ju

    November 20, 2019 at 8:27 pm

    Hi!

    So I was in a relationship for 3 years an a half, we broke up 1 month ago. 2 years into the relationship I found out he wrote with other girls and we broke up for one week. The following months were awful because I didn’t trust him. These last months we were really getting happier, once we had a fight an he said we needed to break up an he said he wrote with another girl again. So we both decided we needed some time. We said we loved each other. He said he would only come back when he was sure he wouldn’t hurt me. So 3 weeks go by an I was fine with myself, I found myself again and reached out to him. I thought we could start over and be happy. But he said he doesn’t feel the same anymore. That he was fine alone.
    I put way to much pressure on him an I think he thinks he is better like this because he doesn’t have that pressure. I think deep down he loves me and we only need to bring that love back up. I am deeply in love an I see my future with him.

    Should I still hope to him to come back??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2019 at 12:43 am

      Hi Ju if you follow the program properly then yes have hope giving that you are doing the work, you get better results the more work you put in to this system

  11. Avatar

    millie

    November 20, 2019 at 4:47 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me because he said that he didn’t feel very connected to me. we were in a long distance relationship. His mother died and now they’re having family issues and he says he’s drowning so he broke up. he wants to figure himself out but i love him, he loves me, i’m going crazy and I don’t know what to do. I don’t think that no contact will work on him. he’s the kind of person that doesn’t care if you reach out or not and whenever you do its okay.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 1:34 pm

      Hi Millie, so with the situation where they lose someone close to them. Exes can want to be alone and have that head space to deal with their emotions properly. All you can really do is follow this program and take it slowly as you are going to have to keep in mind the extra pressure he is feeling right now with the loss of his mother.

  12. Avatar

    Nikesha

    October 22, 2019 at 6:21 am

    Hey my boyfriend left me for his ex girlfriend. -Before the ex girlfriend- So we was together for two years then left me for another woman because I went away he was lost without me he said, anyways he left he’s ex girlfriend to go back with me. Again so then we was together for 2 months and in that two months we was arguing everyday until he got over he’s ex girlfriend he was fine. One day he got up and left him again for his ex girlfriend, now there together again, do U think he’ll come back to me?? I had him before the ex girlfriend, his ex cheated on him more then once that’s why he left too. But he still went back I have no idea why?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2019 at 6:27 pm

      Hi Nikesha, it sounds like hes not sure about what he wants himself. I would suggest if he was to come back he cuts all contact with the other exes so that this doesn’t happen again and you need to work on the reasons you were arguing and broke up again

  13. Avatar

    Van

    October 19, 2019 at 7:41 am

    Hi wanna need some opinion. I had a boyfriend for almost 2 yrs. I recently broke him up on sunday because i am now tired with the relationship i had with him. I was the one finding ways to communicate with him. And i only see him in every 3months because of his job. And everytime he went home he couldn’t even spare me a piece of time. He’s busy drinking with his friends instead giving me time. He also ghosted me for almost 3 weeks after his aunt talked to my mom about marriage. Now, there is a part of me wanting to move on. But there is a part of me waiting and wanting him to initiate first. I love him and accept him for what he is. What to do to make your prideful ex back, realize my worth and loving me more back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 20, 2019 at 7:59 am

      Hi Van so first you need to remember why you ended things because thats likely not to change unless he realises hes lost you. So during your NC of 30 days you need to work on yourself and live your life. Basically doing the “moving on” things and just focusing on you. To get him back you will have to re build attraction but with a man who has little time you will have to do this through social media posts looking “Ungettable” read some more articles on this website look at the products you will find useful information about your situation.

  14. Avatar

    Dasha Robinson

    August 20, 2019 at 1:48 am

    Hey Chris,
    I broke up with a guy that I dated for over a year and we work together. I broke up with him like two months ago and its was hard letting him go. He wanted to be friends but I couldnt because I still had feelings for him. The reason I broke up with him because we both desired different things in life. He felt like, i broke up with him was like a stab in his heart. I love him but I wanted more but I knew holding on will hurt more. I did try the friend thing but it was still fresh because he still wanted to do things like we was still a couple and i felt it was mixed signals. And at that time, i didnt do the NC rule because I found myself insecure that he will moved on. So we hunged out for awhile throughout July after breakup in May but i felt weird because I thought he got the understanding of the breakup but no. We got into another disagreement about the breakup, so I told him that we can’t we be friends right now and its best for me to focus on myself. So now here I am in this NC and it been 27 days and its killing me. I miss him like crazy. I want to reach out so badly to say “hey” but i know I cant do that.

  15. Avatar

    Sam

    June 29, 2019 at 1:44 pm

    Hi

    I was with someone for almost 4 years. We were engaged and ready to get married, our wedding was called off 3 weeks before due to family issues. We still tried to make the relationship work and it went great for another year. He moved away from home and found a job soon as he did this he changed. He broke up with me again because ‘family’ wouldn’t agree to our marriage again (don’t as, we’re asian) I’ve seen him out with a girl just a few days after our breakup calling her ‘babe’ him flirting with other girls. I loved him so very deeply I still wanted it to work because he taught so hard to make his family accept our marriage in the beginning. He was madly in love with me to start with. Now I’ve set him up with a brilliant career etc. We have been on and off for so long we see each other once in 4/5 months. I’ve done the NC and it didn’t work. Now he refuses to speak to me tell me I need to move on and he has said some nasty stuff to me. His moved back home now and had a new job. He gives me mixed signals, it was only last month we met again and had the most amazing time together and I really thought I won him over again. It worked for a few days till we argued about marriage and how it will work. This issue has happened between us for over a year where we have been on and off. He knows how much I love him and that I’m always there regardless of the time we don’t talk. I want to know will he ever regret loosing me? Is he ever going to realise and come back? I feel he has moved on and accepted this for what they are. I am so scared of loosing him to someone else. I am doing th NC but I fear it won’t change anything. please help me

  16. Avatar

    Ashley

    May 21, 2019 at 10:29 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I was with my boyfriend for 10 years. We lived together that entire time and our relationship has had many obstacles. We have been through the death of his mother, both of us not working due to going back to school full time, issues with his ex-wife (and mother of his children), issues with his kids and their mother telling them not to like me. Our biggest issues have always been money and communication. He is not the best communicator and he takes on all the responsibility and tries to fix problems alone. A month and a half ago he told me we were better off as friends and that he missed me as his best friend. He also stated his feelings have changed, he cares for me but does not have romantic feelings. We broke it off and remained friends. Due to finances I have been living with him still, we have minimal contact. He stated today that he is awkward around me and that one of us needs to move out. Since it is his house I am leaving. He continues to state that he wants to be friends and hopes we can be friends and hang out but is adamant that we will never have romantic feelings again. He has recently been on a date that a friend of his set him up on. He is continually offering me money to help me out and that he will support me through the process of finding a house. He continually gives mixed signals. I still love him deeply and feel we can work it out but I am at a loss right now. Is this something that can even work?

  17. Avatar

    Lexie

    May 6, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I watch all your videos, have read all your blogs. They’ve helped me stay strong with 25 days no contact. I came across this blog post and can relate. My Ex is beyond stubborn and once he puts his mind to something he sticks with it. He told me he loved me the day we broke up, we were together for almost two years. I need some advice I know you said sometimes its good for the girl to reach out once the no contact is over, but i feel like i was the one to reach out before and this time i feel like he should be the one to reach out. I honestly don’t know what to do. Out of the two years we never went more than a day without talking and now this past month has been the hardest. I’ve kept busy, I post what it looks like me moving on.. on social media and he watches all my posts, he even watches my sisters and my friends posts. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2019 at 10:32 pm

      HI Lexie…I am glad the site has helped you stay the course with you NC. Sounds like you should continue with NC and when your NC period is over, reach out in the way I teach in my Program

  18. Avatar

    Mona

    May 4, 2019 at 5:35 pm

    Hi! Thanks for all the amazing posts and the website. I’ve been hanging around here a lot and I really appreciate it!

    So my ex bf broke up with me 2 months ago and I finished NC said he wanted to date more bc he wasn’t sure about me and wanted to see what else is out there(which I think is related to GSGS as well.) We got back in contact since last month. We still haven’t gone to romantic dates yet but I’m pretty sure he’s still attracted to me.

    But last week we went out with bunch of mutual friends and talked about our relationship afterwards. He cried and said it’s been really hard for him and he thinks about me everyday, he’s still not sure if he made the right decision, and that even though he didn’t want to be with me the feelings don’t just go away. He said maybe other ppl would say if you like her that much then why not give it another try. But he feels like he already know what’s like to be with me and sometime I seem like a total different person to him and he really doesn’t like that girl, which I know I have this problem sometimes I get verbally aggressive and brutal I’m not proud of it and I really do want to change. I was shocked by his tears so I comforted him a bit and we made up and talked a lot about past and got opened up to each other. I felt closer to him again and we cuddled a bit. He then walked me home and we ended up making out.

    It’s been a week and we hasn’t talked yet. I’m thinking of giving him some time to process what happened but I don’t know how long. And I think he really still has feelings for me but he’s still very stubborn about the break-up. Should I imply NC again or should I keep building attraction? Thanks a lot!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2019 at 1:34 am

      Thanks Mona…so yes, I think NC can offer a lot solutions for people.

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    Cancer Woman

    April 2, 2019 at 1:06 pm

    Hi! Well my ex boyfriend and I (he is a Pisces and I’m a cancer) were together for 1 and a half years (it would have been our 2 years in 2 months…) and he recently broke up with me about a month ago. Basically, I never saw this coming because of how nurturing and loving he was and he always loved me physically and emotionally. He left me because of how intense our fights were and I was a very self conscious girlfriend but we were both very manipulative and aggressive. I have been trying to do the No Contact Rule since we broke up but have failed it twice. Both times I reached out to him he kind of blew me off (not telling me to leave him alone or anything but basically saying “I still love you and want to be with you but just not right now” and to me it still hurts because this is well out of his character) I have started doing the NCR again (it’s been a week) and he texted me yesterday morning say this “Hey 🙁 I hope you are doing okay I miss you so much I’m just texting to let you know that 22 days from now 2 years ago I met the love of my life and spent so many amazing memories with that girl I think about you all the time :(“ and I ignored it. Do I have a chance of getting him back? Is the no contact rule still going to work even if I just ignored that text message? I’ve blocked him on my Facebook messenger and Instagram but he hasn’t blocked me on anything. Ps he is 21 years old and I’m 20 – just so you have a mental idea on the maturity age etc.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 2, 2019 at 9:45 pm

      Hi there….so I am thinking you need to hold firm with your NC strategy and implement it in the way I teach in my Program, though it sounds like he is getting closer to seeing the bigger picture. You get a few of these positive reach outs from him, then you may want to conclude your NC and proceed slowly with re-connecting.

  20. Avatar

    Nana

    March 18, 2019 at 7:54 am

    It is a sad story, My ex boyfriend broke up with me for one month now. We have been dating for a year and a half.
    He is an extremely stubborn person all the time, and what he thinks is right, you can never discuss or argue.
    I think he would be the love of my life because he has a very caring personality, very detail minded, and he treat me so good even as a wife and buy me everything I want ( not all are very materials) and take care of me. I am the more dependent type of girl while he is much more mature and independent and he is just older than me 1 year.
    Actually, our relationship has problem after 3 months of dating, just because I told him I do not want kids. He didn’t told me what he thinks , or even told me that kids may not be a MUST even til now. But somehow I know he minds that and he think our CORE value is different, so we broke up after that. Even I told him right after that I doesn’t want kids because I get hurt in past relationship and I don’t have trust to a guy to an extend to have a kid. But now I meet him and know him longer , I think I am totally fine to accept kid with him. But it seems NONE of the words he believe, he think that I say so just to keep him stay. And when I try to discuss , he always ignore this issue.

    My boyfriend not only stubborn, I think he is someone of OCD issue and he is EXTREMELY aware of cleanliness or tidiness of everything . Many of his friend already called him Mr trouble. Seems no one can cope with his standard. Even I carelessly spill something on him , he will be extremely angry for awhile immediately.
    I think that is because I am a dependent type of girl and I show him I do not like kids right at the beginning of the relationship, he always get this in his head and so our relationship never get big progress. Even seldom have physical intimacy and he does not like or avoid kissing me. He told me because of he think our CORE value ( do not want kids) is different, so he avoid to get close to me because he cannot foresee a marriage in future.
    But I can really feel that we are in love and our soul are so connected, deeper than any of my previous relationship except the physical intimacy. I feel so sad before, but I think if I can convince him that I actually do want kids with him and I try to be more independent to meet his standard.
    It is actually the 4th times of breaking up and all the reason is because I feel he cannot progress and get close to me, then I am mad at him and give him emotion, then he will say just to break up. This is the sequence.

    I don’t know what I can do to convince him that I can be the one for him, loving kids and meeting his standard. So we can have progress and get close physically in our relationships.
    Because he is so sensitive and everytime I raise a topic about kids and he just like ignore and don’t want listen or think that I make up something for him to believe. Honestly I did not want kid in the past, but I do change because of him.
    Now, we still dating as before, and holding hands, and he still take care of me everyday and buy me everything. But the only change is he clearly told me that our relationship is over and he does not kiss me anymore. It seems super strange to me now.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 18, 2019 at 10:16 pm

      Hi Nana…well, one thing you can consider is if you continue to be unhappy with the direction the relationship, you can take a full break from it which is also called implementing No Contact. Much to know about how that works. I recommend you pick up my epic 485 page Program Guide, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” to learn more

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