We are never ever, ever, ever getting back together

I never thought I’d begin an article for ExBoyfriend Recovery by quoting a Taylor Swift song, but here we are. I thought it was appropriate for the topic of this article, because we are going to be talking about how to make stubborn exboyfriends who are adamant about breaking up come running back, begging to be yours again.

Yesterday, someone posted in our private Facebook group asking if anyone had their ex say one of the following:

“I just don’t think we’re compatible.”

“I don’t feel the same for you anymore.”

“I don’t see a future with you.”

“I think we’re better off as friends.”

“This isn’t working.”

Et cetera.

The answer is yes. Absolutely. All the girls who responded heard one or more of these lines, or something similar. It is very common for a man to feel very secure in his decision to end it, and to use one of these to end the conversation, for fear of the woman trying to “talk him out of it.”

Using any of these lines helps to make the break feel more permanent, and right now, he is set on ending it.

The thing is, it is often these guys who are so adamant about the relationship being over who end up coming back some time down the road.

Take my ex for instance: We were together for a number of years, and I anticipated we would be together for a good deal more. But then he ended it, using the first of the lines mentioned above, as well as a slew of others.

I didn’t beg or plead, though. I knew deep down that he would be back.

And he is.

And you’ll be surprised to know what happened to make this stubborn guy change his tune.

Newsflash… it wasn’t begging.

Processing Time

It is no secret that men and women process things differently. You’ve seen this picture online posted on various social media, right?

The timing may be off, but the overall concept is true.

After a breakup, the woman tends to begin processing emotions immediately. That is why so many man refer to their ex’s as “crazy.” After a breakup, they are hurt, so they tend to throw all logic out the window and react emotionally, trying to salvage the relationship. The guy’s immediate reaction is to go out with friends, and even begin dating again. He may be sad, but because of societal standards, he doesn’t show it, and instead acts out, as though he doesn’t care. My ex was absolutely guilty of this after our breakup, and it was extremely painful to observe.

But then, a few weeks to months later (depending on the length of your relationship), the woman will start to feel a bit better. She’ll start going out with friends, taking up new hobbies, going to the gym, and she may even begin to hesitantly start dating again. This is the point where the reality of the breakup actually begins to set in for the guy. Going out isn’t as fun as it was, none of the hot girls he’s dating seem to stack up to how wonderful his ex girlfriend was, and his life begins to feel monotonous and boring.

Fast forward to 6 months to a year later (again, depending on the people involved and the length of the relationship). The woman is embracing life as a single woman, she’s being asked out by eligible bachelors constantly. She is nurturing her relationships with her friends and family, and she is taking steps towards her goals.

Women tend to lose themselves in relationships more than men do. We tend to prize our relationships and emotional connections above all else, whereas men tend to prize work and public accomplishments. A good girlfriend can add so much to a man’s life, but he might not realize how much until she’s gone. But when a woman begins to find herself again after a breakup (and that is at base what the ExBoyfriend Recovery program is all about), she gets to put herself and her needs first, when before, she put her partner’s needs and desires above even her own.

My point here is that men and women process things very differently. A recent study by Binghamton University and University College London found that though women hurt more as they result of a breakup, they also tend to deal with breakups in a more healthy way – grieving, and then doing a lot of self improvement work to feel better about themselves. This means that when they get back out there on the dating scene, they are more confident and attractive than ever. And they really have done the healing work and are over their ex fully, ready to embark on the next relationship healthily.

The same study found that men tend to react way differently. They distract themselves and don’t actually work to get over or recover from the relationship.

Instead, they do what I mentioned above – go out with friends, fill the void with other women, etc. But then, after a certain amount of time, the reality of the breakup begins to set in. They realize that A) They actually do want a life partner and they have to get back out and compete on the dating scene again; or B) What they had was absolutely irreplaceable, he let her go, and now she has moved on.

This is the dynamic that is at play when Chris says “They always come back after you’ve moved on.” I know this to be true. My ex came back – he said he had been processing his feelings in his alone time and realized a lot of things about our relationship, and himself. I told him, “but you were so sure” and he said that it had just taken time.

Moving on Without Moving On

If your exboyfriend was stubborn and adamant about the breakup, please keep the above in mind. There are academic studies that support the theory that men think less about the repercussions of ending a relationship, and others like the above that support the idea that they don’t recover as fully. I think this makes these stubborn men likely to return, but you have to play it the right way. After all, my ex is stupid stubborn, and he made a return.

So, what is the best way to play the chess game with a stubborn exboyfriend? It depends on what stage you’re at (as always No Contact is first and foremost).

Think about the study above and the implications. Women take longer to recover, but recover more fully/healthily. Men seemingly bounce back right away, but it is all a facade. We know that men tend to return back to relationships as soon as their ex girlfriend has moved on. Therefore, I have come up with an equation:

Self Improvement + Fear of Loss = Moving On Without Moving On

Let’s tackle Self Improvement First.

My ex mentioned on more than one occasion how blown away he was by all of the things I accomplishing after our separation. I took a lot of things that he considered negative qualities about me and turned them around. I worked on my confidence. I worked to become a better person. I did it for myself, though, not for him. And that was the key. I killed the No Contact Rule. I tackled the Holy Trinity of health, wealth, and relationships.

WORK ON YOURSELF. FOR YOURSELF.

This is a key concept of moving on without moving on. You may not actively be moving on to new people, but you are moving forward in your life and attacking personal goals. And that’s sexy as hell. To re-attract your ex back you can’t just focus on your interactions and how he’s responding to your texts. You have to re-attract him by becoming more attractive to him again (and I’m not just talking physically), and make him question his reasons for breaking up with such a badass lady. The best thing you can do is focus on self improvement. And if you do that, it will assist with getting closer to getting your ex back, but it will also make you happier with yourself and your life. Embrace No Contact. Embrace Yourself.

Alright, on to Fear of Loss.

I don’t know if you’ve ever broken up with someone. I have, a couple of times. And each time I did, I felt secure in the knowledge that if I ever wanted them back, they’d come running (for the record, I’ve never wanted any of them back – women tend to take their time deciding to end things, remember?)

But I digress.

My point is, your ex may feel secure, thinking that if he wants you back, you’ll be there with just a snap of his fingers. You can’t let him feel this security. He has to be scared that he is going to lose you, that you could move on.

So what do you do to strike that fear in his heart? I’d say there are two options here. First, there is jealousy. Obviously, a new person entering the picture is going to make even the most stubborn of ex’s a bit nervous if he has any residual feelings. Post that you’re going out with a guy friend. Casually mention a male co-worker’s name in a story to your ex, post a picture of a great dinner you’re having, and make the male hand around the beer stein slightly obvious, but not too obvious.

The other way to achieve this is scarcity. Just be a little less available to him. Don’t pick up his call, and instead send him to voicemail. Let a few texts go unanswered. Indulge in some push/pull to make him worry that he is losing you and your life has become too busy for him, whether or not there is another man in it.

If you can utilize both of these tools, it will help to make your ex start to wonder if you really are over him. And no one likes being unwanted, even if they broke up with the person.

Just remember, most guys tend to come back to their ex girlfriends as soon as they have started moving on. So if you can create the illusion that you are moving on and moving forward, it may cause him to return to you sooner. But keep in mind that is he thinks he has you, he’s not going to be afraid of losing you.

The Bottom Line

If a guy tells you any of the above things I mentioned at the top of this article, or anything in that same vein, I urge you to instead take it with a grain of salt.

People change all the time, and so do their feelings.

While writing this article, I kept thinking about Buffy and Spike. Spike becomes head over heels for Buffy in season 5, but she is less than interested:

Spike: “You can’t tell me that there isn’t anything there between you and me. I know you feel something.”
Buffy: “It’s called revulsion. And whatever you think you’re feeling it’s not love. You can’t love without a soul.”
Drusilla: “Oh, we can, you know. We can love quite well… if not wisely.”

-Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Crush”

However, in the last episode of the series, she tells him she loves him, and I even hear that they get together in the comics (which are considered cannon). What did Spike do to get Buffy to love him? He changed? He also utilized jealousy tactics (bringing a date to Xander’s wedding in “Hell’s Bells”). It worked. Buffy is the epitome of stubborn, but she couldn’t’ deny that there were feelings between them (much to my chagrin – I’m a Buffy/Angel shipper all the way).

Stubbornness is nothing when feelings are concerned. If you do the work and start moving on without moving on, I would say you have a nice chance of having your ex show up to your door and telling you he misses you and wants you back. Your power comes from appearing to move on. So embrace that, and all the positive changes that come along with it.

(Written by Rachel)

138 thoughts on “How to Make a Stubborn Ex Boyfriend Come Running Back”

  1. Avatar

    Ashley

    May 21, 2019 at 10:29 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I was with my boyfriend for 10 years. We lived together that entire time and our relationship has had many obstacles. We have been through the death of his mother, both of us not working due to going back to school full time, issues with his ex-wife (and mother of his children), issues with his kids and their mother telling them not to like me. Our biggest issues have always been money and communication. He is not the best communicator and he takes on all the responsibility and tries to fix problems alone. A month and a half ago he told me we were better off as friends and that he missed me as his best friend. He also stated his feelings have changed, he cares for me but does not have romantic feelings. We broke it off and remained friends. Due to finances I have been living with him still, we have minimal contact. He stated today that he is awkward around me and that one of us needs to move out. Since it is his house I am leaving. He continues to state that he wants to be friends and hopes we can be friends and hang out but is adamant that we will never have romantic feelings again. He has recently been on a date that a friend of his set him up on. He is continually offering me money to help me out and that he will support me through the process of finding a house. He continually gives mixed signals. I still love him deeply and feel we can work it out but I am at a loss right now. Is this something that can even work?

  2. Avatar

    Lexie

    May 6, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I watch all your videos, have read all your blogs. They’ve helped me stay strong with 25 days no contact. I came across this blog post and can relate. My Ex is beyond stubborn and once he puts his mind to something he sticks with it. He told me he loved me the day we broke up, we were together for almost two years. I need some advice I know you said sometimes its good for the girl to reach out once the no contact is over, but i feel like i was the one to reach out before and this time i feel like he should be the one to reach out. I honestly don’t know what to do. Out of the two years we never went more than a day without talking and now this past month has been the hardest. I’ve kept busy, I post what it looks like me moving on.. on social media and he watches all my posts, he even watches my sisters and my friends posts. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2019 at 10:32 pm

      HI Lexie…I am glad the site has helped you stay the course with you NC. Sounds like you should continue with NC and when your NC period is over, reach out in the way I teach in my Program

  3. Avatar

    Mona

    May 4, 2019 at 5:35 pm

    Hi! Thanks for all the amazing posts and the website. I’ve been hanging around here a lot and I really appreciate it!

    So my ex bf broke up with me 2 months ago and I finished NC said he wanted to date more bc he wasn’t sure about me and wanted to see what else is out there(which I think is related to GSGS as well.) We got back in contact since last month. We still haven’t gone to romantic dates yet but I’m pretty sure he’s still attracted to me.

    But last week we went out with bunch of mutual friends and talked about our relationship afterwards. He cried and said it’s been really hard for him and he thinks about me everyday, he’s still not sure if he made the right decision, and that even though he didn’t want to be with me the feelings don’t just go away. He said maybe other ppl would say if you like her that much then why not give it another try. But he feels like he already know what’s like to be with me and sometime I seem like a total different person to him and he really doesn’t like that girl, which I know I have this problem sometimes I get verbally aggressive and brutal I’m not proud of it and I really do want to change. I was shocked by his tears so I comforted him a bit and we made up and talked a lot about past and got opened up to each other. I felt closer to him again and we cuddled a bit. He then walked me home and we ended up making out.

    It’s been a week and we hasn’t talked yet. I’m thinking of giving him some time to process what happened but I don’t know how long. And I think he really still has feelings for me but he’s still very stubborn about the break-up. Should I imply NC again or should I keep building attraction? Thanks a lot!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2019 at 1:34 am

      Thanks Mona…so yes, I think NC can offer a lot solutions for people.

  4. Avatar

    Cancer Woman

    April 2, 2019 at 1:06 pm

    Hi! Well my ex boyfriend and I (he is a Pisces and I’m a cancer) were together for 1 and a half years (it would have been our 2 years in 2 months…) and he recently broke up with me about a month ago. Basically, I never saw this coming because of how nurturing and loving he was and he always loved me physically and emotionally. He left me because of how intense our fights were and I was a very self conscious girlfriend but we were both very manipulative and aggressive. I have been trying to do the No Contact Rule since we broke up but have failed it twice. Both times I reached out to him he kind of blew me off (not telling me to leave him alone or anything but basically saying “I still love you and want to be with you but just not right now” and to me it still hurts because this is well out of his character) I have started doing the NCR again (it’s been a week) and he texted me yesterday morning say this “Hey 🙁 I hope you are doing okay I miss you so much I’m just texting to let you know that 22 days from now 2 years ago I met the love of my life and spent so many amazing memories with that girl I think about you all the time :(“ and I ignored it. Do I have a chance of getting him back? Is the no contact rule still going to work even if I just ignored that text message? I’ve blocked him on my Facebook messenger and Instagram but he hasn’t blocked me on anything. Ps he is 21 years old and I’m 20 – just so you have a mental idea on the maturity age etc.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 2, 2019 at 9:45 pm

      Hi there….so I am thinking you need to hold firm with your NC strategy and implement it in the way I teach in my Program, though it sounds like he is getting closer to seeing the bigger picture. You get a few of these positive reach outs from him, then you may want to conclude your NC and proceed slowly with re-connecting.

  5. Avatar

    Nana

    March 18, 2019 at 7:54 am

    It is a sad story, My ex boyfriend broke up with me for one month now. We have been dating for a year and a half.
    He is an extremely stubborn person all the time, and what he thinks is right, you can never discuss or argue.
    I think he would be the love of my life because he has a very caring personality, very detail minded, and he treat me so good even as a wife and buy me everything I want ( not all are very materials) and take care of me. I am the more dependent type of girl while he is much more mature and independent and he is just older than me 1 year.
    Actually, our relationship has problem after 3 months of dating, just because I told him I do not want kids. He didn’t told me what he thinks , or even told me that kids may not be a MUST even til now. But somehow I know he minds that and he think our CORE value is different, so we broke up after that. Even I told him right after that I doesn’t want kids because I get hurt in past relationship and I don’t have trust to a guy to an extend to have a kid. But now I meet him and know him longer , I think I am totally fine to accept kid with him. But it seems NONE of the words he believe, he think that I say so just to keep him stay. And when I try to discuss , he always ignore this issue.

    My boyfriend not only stubborn, I think he is someone of OCD issue and he is EXTREMELY aware of cleanliness or tidiness of everything . Many of his friend already called him Mr trouble. Seems no one can cope with his standard. Even I carelessly spill something on him , he will be extremely angry for awhile immediately.
    I think that is because I am a dependent type of girl and I show him I do not like kids right at the beginning of the relationship, he always get this in his head and so our relationship never get big progress. Even seldom have physical intimacy and he does not like or avoid kissing me. He told me because of he think our CORE value ( do not want kids) is different, so he avoid to get close to me because he cannot foresee a marriage in future.
    But I can really feel that we are in love and our soul are so connected, deeper than any of my previous relationship except the physical intimacy. I feel so sad before, but I think if I can convince him that I actually do want kids with him and I try to be more independent to meet his standard.
    It is actually the 4th times of breaking up and all the reason is because I feel he cannot progress and get close to me, then I am mad at him and give him emotion, then he will say just to break up. This is the sequence.

    I don’t know what I can do to convince him that I can be the one for him, loving kids and meeting his standard. So we can have progress and get close physically in our relationships.
    Because he is so sensitive and everytime I raise a topic about kids and he just like ignore and don’t want listen or think that I make up something for him to believe. Honestly I did not want kid in the past, but I do change because of him.
    Now, we still dating as before, and holding hands, and he still take care of me everyday and buy me everything. But the only change is he clearly told me that our relationship is over and he does not kiss me anymore. It seems super strange to me now.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 18, 2019 at 10:16 pm

      Hi Nana…well, one thing you can consider is if you continue to be unhappy with the direction the relationship, you can take a full break from it which is also called implementing No Contact. Much to know about how that works. I recommend you pick up my epic 485 page Program Guide, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” to learn more

  6. Avatar

    Vanisa

    February 12, 2019 at 5:04 am

    Hi sir.i m in a complex situation.though i m dealing quite well but how do i know what’s there going on in his head.my parents came to know about it on jan4.And it was last i had contact with him.Though i act that his presence dosent bother me but that dosent add to the fact that i dont think about him.he broke up with me on nov17.After nov17 i seriously went on ignoring him and he thought that i moved on.then he saw me talking to my bff and it looked that he was jealous.but why did he took stand for me against his friends.Sir,please give me a peoper explanation to it.you are the only one to help me.what should i really do?and i know you will help me.he looks at me through a reflection,through crowd.but why?does he have feelings for me.he was the first person i accepted as my bff.it was first time i ever After on my feelings and trust me i still hate this relationship thing a lot ,from starting because it soo virtual.there are so many guys out there proposing me.but i dont accept it at all ’cause i hate it.

  7. Avatar

    Vanisa

    February 10, 2019 at 9:57 am

    My ex told me several times that he loved me a lot.2 months were very great but then he got jealous of my best friend and asked me to stop talking to him.my best friend proposed me 10 times and I refused .Once he even held my hand and then I immediately told my ex.he was pissed.then y ex broke up with me saying that I broke his trust because he asked me several times not to talk to him.i pleaded and said sorry a lot.then there was patch u.meanwhile I stopped seeing my best friend.but after 1 month he broke up again saying that he wants to focus on his career.but I doubt his explanation.to a friend he said that I have trust issues.then finally I stopped seeing y ex and strictly followed nc.since break up his friends started mocking at me.i ignored once twice thrice.then took stand for myself.i and his ex gf had fight and he supported me.then I couldn’t control myself and started talking to him.meanwhile his mother sensed something bad and he warned me not to text him,he was cold.now he looks at me then ignores what do I do.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 10, 2019 at 10:34 pm

      Hi Vanisa!

      Sounds like a little space will do you both good. Tap into my Program for more insights

  8. Avatar

    Harreth

    January 3, 2019 at 5:39 am

    I broke up with him last december 16 2018. I got mad thats why I made a decision. Then I tried to win him back. But now he doesnt feel the same anymore. I texted him a lot. I even went to his house. Hes cold and hot. He said he doesnt love me anymore. He blocked me on social media. He also told the cause of break up to his family. I greet him on holiday. Seems he doesnt care anymore. After that I do th nc rule. Her cousin which Im not close to her unexpectedly chatting me during new year. That cousin of her never do that anyways. Then I have a guts that its him. I know he has a trust issue about me. I still want him back. I still post some on my stories and facebook that Im not affected anymore. What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 3, 2019 at 11:22 pm

      Hi Harreth!

      NC can help settle things down and also help you to find some healing along with doing some things to enhance your chances. Visit my site’s home page to review some of the tools and resources I make available!

  9. Avatar

    Tiffany

    December 3, 2018 at 3:21 pm

    My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years and we broke up four months ago.. failed horribly at NC.. he’s extremely hot and cold, I try to be there for him because he is in a dark place and I want to spark some positivity in him but he’s very rude to me and his responses are very dry. He doesn’t care about himself anymore or anyone’s feelings. I love him so much but he keeps saying things got boring and that he loves me and cares about me but is not in love but I believe where there is love you can always respark the relationship.. He always says things like we can try again in the future or that right now he is not for a relationship and then switches up. He’s confusing me yet I still want advice on how to get him back.. I still feel the connection when he is near me (yes we hung out many times post breakup, I even slept over) I failed at no contact. ALSO.. he is very very VERY prideful

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 3, 2018 at 9:28 pm

      Hi Tiffany….I am sorry your ex is so rude. You don’t deserve that. It seems your ex has taken a selfish path. Go pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as there is much for you to learn and ideas for you to implement!

  10. Avatar

    Lily

    November 14, 2018 at 10:25 am

    Me and my bf broke up last week. We have been together for one and half year. It has been almost one week. I didn’t talk to him since then. He didn’t talk to me either. We had dinner on Friday night, then he said we need to break up on Saturday. I had feeling he probably gonna break up with me, coz he has been very distant over the past week. He said I have been consistantly mad at him. Most of the time he didn’t understand why I got angry. It made him feel he is terrible person. He was unhappy and can’t see the future with me. I admit that it’s my fault to upset at him. But we actually talked about why I got upset later on. I thought we were fine. I didn’t expect he would break up with me. I said we can work it out, but he said it won’t work out, coz both of us won’t change ourselves. I asked him is the break up just a while, he said forever. So I went back to home and he sent me message said he is sorry things had to end like that. I think the biggest problem for our relationship is I need to control my emotion, instead of giving him the unhappy face and being cold. I should just tell him why I got upset. So I think the reason coz our break up is my emotion issue and insecure issue. My bf is very stubborn and dertermined. Is there any chance I can get him back?

  11. Avatar

    Alia

    September 10, 2018 at 7:47 pm

    Hi,
    Me and my boyfriend broke up because he found out I went for a drink with my friend from work who’s a male, I only went because I wanted to watch the last half of the World Cup at a pub near where I work as if I traveled home I would have missed it. Anyway, I told my friend from work not to say we went for a drink because people would talk and I was worried about my now ex’s reaction as he’s quite hot headed and we did agree not to go out with people from work. I do feel so bad but I want to prove to him that I had no bad intentions I was just scared of arguing with him! He thinks I can’t be trusted and he’s now saying I tried to make him look like an idiot. That wasn’t the case I just didn’t want to argue! I’ve been doing no contact for a week, he’s so stubborn and has an ego I’m scared he won’t reach out during no contact. What’s the best thing to do in this situation?!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 11, 2018 at 12:47 am

      HI Alia…..it seems your ex overreacted and that is a shame. Time and space should help. Tap into my resources and tools here on the site…see home page!

  12. Avatar

    Annie

    September 7, 2018 at 1:03 pm

    I never cheated, but I lied. I lied to the love of my life about hanging out with my ex. I swore there were no romantic intentions, i just wanted to help him with issues he was going through. I shamefully lied to the love of my life about my whereabouts and what I was doing for a year. I feel so much shame and sadness for the hurt and pain I caused him. I know I can do better and stop lying to him and prove it to him. Th issue is he won’t give me another chance because of his ego. He told everybody the details of our breakup and all of his friends and family hate me and call me names. We had a great foundation for our relationship and I think that it’s his embarrassment and stubbornness that won’t let him give me another chance along with the circle of influence.
    Should I treat this like a “I cheated on him” instance?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 2:55 pm

      Hi Annie!

      The truth is everybody lies and or misleads for any number of reasons. So Don’t be so hard on yourself. Its best to have an ex recovery plan. And no, you did not cheat, so you should not treat or think of of it as cheating. I have a lot of resources on this site that can help you with how to proceed if you want your ex back. Tap into those!

  13. Avatar

    Ananya

    September 7, 2018 at 10:35 am

    Hey, Chris. I have been dating a guy for the last 1.5 years. He had broken up with me after a year because of family issues. But then after 4 months, we both started contacting again and came back together after a few days. We have mutual friends and I told one of our friends about a moment that my boyfriend and I had in private. That was a very normal thing but it was taken very negatively and was used against him in a way that my boyfriend felt that I was trying to lower his reputation and image infront of his friends. He got angry and said that he was not ready for a relationship and has blocked me everywhere. What do I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 3:03 pm

      Hi Ananya!

      So anger can hang around for awhile, but love conquers it over time. Best to give him space and make use of the no contact rule. Visit my home page to learn more about how to tap into my resources.

  14. Avatar

    Annie

    September 6, 2018 at 1:21 pm

    What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 3:50 am

      Hi Annie!

      Not sure what you should do. Drop me a line telling me more about your situation!

  15. Avatar

    Annie

    September 5, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    I never cheated, but I lied. I lied to the love of my life about hanging out with my ex. I swore there were no romantic intentions, i just wanted to help him with issues he was going through. I shamefully lied to the love of my life about my whereabouts and what I was doing for a year. I feel so much shame and sadness for the hurt and pain I caused him. I know I can do better and stop lying to him and prove it to him. Th issue is he won’t give me another chance because of his ego. He told everybody the details of our breakup and all of his friends and family hate me and call me names. We had a great foundation for our relationship and I think that it’s his embarrassment and stubbornness that won’t let him give me another chance along with the circle of influence.

  16. Avatar

    Suzie

    August 31, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    Thank you for this great article!

    Im going though NC and have a trip abroad planned&booked together with my ex in a few months. Should I change my trip?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 1, 2018 at 1:13 am

      Hi Suzie!

      I would wait a while longer. First explore if NC is getting any traction

  17. Avatar

    Anita

    August 24, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    Hi,

    I´m in the same situation as Roberta in the comments below/above, a second break up with the guy i imagined to be the father of my children, we even discussed that together.

    His words were ¨this is not working¨ and ¨Im not happy¨ when he broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. I haven´t been in touch with him since, I have with his family though…

    I have the feeling that he needs time and that he will come back to me, but he is very stubborn.

    The last break up I broke NC after 10 days and we got more or less together on my birthday. During this second NC period he paid me back money he owed me and sent me a (very distant) email for me to come pick up my stuff. I did not reply. I do want to confirm him I receive the money though, as I always did before, as I think it is a decent thing to do.

    Should I confirm to him, cool and relax and then go back in NC? Or not break the NC at all?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 24, 2018 at 11:53 pm

      Hi Anita!

      I know second breakups are hard in some ways. You have been down that road, and the pain is just getting duller. I wouldn’t contact him about the money. Maybe find a way for someone you both know to mention it if you think he really needs confirmation. I hope you are utilizing my program (check into my book “Pro”) as it will help you with all the things you can do during this post breakup period. Just swing by my home page and check out all of the resources and tools available to you Anita!

  18. Avatar

    Aditi

    August 11, 2018 at 12:35 pm

    Yesterday, he finally said that since we want different things, he thinks that we cannot be together. I wish for him to express his feelings verbally or by actions. To which his reaction is that he gets pissed, answering – “This is how I am”, “If I am with you, that means that I love you and will be with you”.
    Never, in our entire 2 years’ relationship has he said that he will change and be a better person for me or will do anything to make me stay. He has always been ok with me leaving.

    Now, that he has finally ended. And I let him go this time without any revolt or arguments. I just replied with “Yes, I understand your reasons. Tc of yourself. Bye”
    Though I want him to realise, I am not sure if he ever will. I don’t know what place did I hold in his life. How could it be so easy for him to let me go? Always??

    Everything else has been more important to him than me. Even now, he must be ok. As in all our past fights, he has been ok and resumes with his life as normal.

    Please suggest!!

  19. Avatar

    Roberta

    August 3, 2018 at 5:42 pm

    What if this is the second time my boyfriend has broken up with me? First time was a year and a half ago and he was away for 3 weeks. I didn’t apply no contact and just let him back in. Now he has broken up w me again giving same excuses of not seeing a future but I know he loves me as he constantly talked about the future. My intuition says he freaks out and gets scared because he isn’t where he wants to be financially or career wise to be in a relationship. Can this work twice or is twice an omen to stay Away ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 4, 2018 at 2:46 am

      Hi Roberta…breakups are fairly common in relationships. Now if you guys were on your 4th one, I would say that is dysfunctional. But think about an extended no contact period and when you do get back together after so much needed healing on both sides, be sure to address the core issues triggering the breakups.

  20. Avatar

    Anita Glenn

    February 28, 2018 at 10:10 pm

    Thank you so much. This help me threw it.

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