What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

How to Make a Stubborn Ex Boyfriend Come Running Back

We are never ever, ever, ever getting back together

I never thought I’d begin an article for ExBoyfriend Recovery by quoting a Taylor Swift song, but here we are. I thought it was appropriate for the topic of this article, because we are going to be talking about how to make stubborn exboyfriends who are adamant about breaking up come running back, begging to be yours again.

Yesterday, someone posted in our private Facebook group asking if anyone had their ex say one of the following:

“I just don’t think we’re compatible.”

“I don’t feel the same for you anymore.”

“I don’t see a future with you.”

“I think we’re better off as friends.”

“This isn’t working.”

Et cetera.

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The answer is yes. Absolutely. All the girls who responded heard one or more of these lines, or something similar. It is very common for a man to feel very secure in his decision to end it, and to use one of these to end the conversation, for fear of the woman trying to “talk him out of it.”

Using any of these lines helps to make the break feel more permanent, and right now, he is set on ending it.

The thing is, it is often these guys who are so adamant about the relationship being over who end up coming back some time down the road.

Take my ex for instance: We were together for a number of years, and I anticipated we would be together for a good deal more. But then he ended it, using the first of the lines mentioned above, as well as a slew of others.

I didn’t beg or plead, though. I knew deep down that he would be back.

And he is.

And you’ll be surprised to know what happened to make this stubborn guy change his tune.

Newsflash… it wasn’t begging.

Processing Time

It is no secret that men and women process things differently. You’ve seen this picture online posted on various social media, right?

The timing may be off, but the overall concept is true.

After a breakup, the woman tends to begin processing emotions immediately. That is why so many man refer to their ex’s as “crazy.” After a breakup, they are hurt, so they tend to throw all logic out the window and react emotionally, trying to salvage the relationship. The guy’s immediate reaction is to go out with friends, and even begin dating again. He may be sad, but because of societal standards, he doesn’t show it, and instead acts out, as though he doesn’t care. My ex was absolutely guilty of this after our breakup, and it was extremely painful to observe.

But then, a few weeks to months later (depending on the length of your relationship), the woman will start to feel a bit better. She’ll start going out with friends, taking up new hobbies, going to the gym, and she may even begin to hesitantly start dating again. This is the point where the reality of the breakup actually begins to set in for the guy. Going out isn’t as fun as it was, none of the hot girls he’s dating seem to stack up to how wonderful his ex girlfriend was, and his life begins to feel monotonous and boring.

Fast forward to 6 months to a year later (again, depending on the people involved and the length of the relationship). The woman is embracing life as a single woman, she’s being asked out by eligible bachelors constantly. She is nurturing her relationships with her friends and family, and she is taking steps towards her goals.

Women tend to lose themselves in relationships more than men do. We tend to prize our relationships and emotional connections above all else, whereas men tend to prize work and public accomplishments. A good girlfriend can add so much to a man’s life, but he might not realize how much until she’s gone. But when a woman begins to find herself again after a breakup (and that is at base what the ExBoyfriend Recovery program is all about), she gets to put herself and her needs first, when before, she put her partner’s needs and desires above even her own.

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My point here is that men and women process things very differently. A recent study by Binghamton University and University College London found that though women hurt more as they result of a breakup, they also tend to deal with breakups in a more healthy way – grieving, and then doing a lot of self improvement work to feel better about themselves. This means that when they get back out there on the dating scene, they are more confident and attractive than ever. And they really have done the healing work and are over their ex fully, ready to embark on the next relationship healthily.

The same study found that men tend to react way differently. They distract themselves and don’t actually work to get over or recover from the relationship.

Instead, they do what I mentioned above – go out with friends, fill the void with other women, etc. But then, after a certain amount of time, the reality of the breakup begins to set in. They realize that A) They actually do want a life partner and they have to get back out and compete on the dating scene again; or B) What they had was absolutely irreplaceable, he let her go, and now she has moved on.

This is the dynamic that is at play when Chris says “They always come back after you’ve moved on.” I know this to be true. My ex came back – he said he had been processing his feelings in his alone time and realized a lot of things about our relationship, and himself. I told him, “but you were so sure” and he said that it had just taken time.

Moving on Without Moving On

If your exboyfriend was stubborn and adamant about the breakup, please keep the above in mind. There are academic studies that support the theory that men think less about the repercussions of ending a relationship, and others like the above that support the idea that they don’t recover as fully. I think this makes these stubborn men likely to return, but you have to play it the right way. After all, my ex is stupid stubborn, and he made a return.

So, what is the best way to play the chess game with a stubborn exboyfriend? It depends on what stage you’re at (as always No Contact is first and foremost).

Think about the study above and the implications. Women take longer to recover, but recover more fully/healthily. Men seemingly bounce back right away, but it is all a facade. We know that men tend to return back to relationships as soon as their ex girlfriend has moved on. Therefore, I have come up with an equation:

Self Improvement + Fear of Loss = Moving On Without Moving On

Let’s tackle Self Improvement First.

My ex mentioned on more than one occasion how blown away he was by all of the things I accomplishing after our separation. I took a lot of things that he considered negative qualities about me and turned them around. I worked on my confidence. I worked to become a better person. I did it for myself, though, not for him. And that was the key. I killed the No Contact Rule. I tackled the Holy Trinity of health, wealth, and relationships.

WORK ON YOURSELF. FOR YOURSELF.

This is a key concept of moving on without moving on. You may not actively be moving on to new people, but you are moving forward in your life and attacking personal goals. And that’s sexy as hell. To re-attract your ex back you can’t just focus on your interactions and how he’s responding to your texts. You have to re-attract him by becoming more attractive to him again (and I’m not just talking physically), and make him question his reasons for breaking up with such a badass lady. The best thing you can do is focus on self improvement. And if you do that, it will assist with getting closer to getting your ex back, but it will also make you happier with yourself and your life. Embrace No Contact. Embrace Yourself.

Alright, on to Fear of Loss.

I don’t know if you’ve ever broken up with someone. I have, a couple of times. And each time I did, I felt secure in the knowledge that if I ever wanted them back, they’d come running (for the record, I’ve never wanted any of them back – women tend to take their time deciding to end things, remember?)

But I digress.

My point is, your ex may feel secure, thinking that if he wants you back, you’ll be there with just a snap of his fingers. You can’t let him feel this security. He has to be scared that he is going to lose you, that you could move on.

So what do you do to strike that fear in his heart? I’d say there are two options here. First, there is jealousy. Obviously, a new person entering the picture is going to make even the most stubborn of ex’s a bit nervous if he has any residual feelings. Post that you’re going out with a guy friend. Casually mention a male co-worker’s name in a story to your ex, post a picture of a great dinner you’re having, and make the male hand around the beer stein slightly obvious, but not too obvious.

The other way to achieve this is scarcity. Just be a little less available to him. Don’t pick up his call, and instead send him to voicemail. Let a few texts go unanswered. Indulge in some push/pull to make him worry that he is losing you and your life has become too busy for him, whether or not there is another man in it.

If you can utilize both of these tools, it will help to make your ex start to wonder if you really are over him. And no one likes being unwanted, even if they broke up with the person.

Just remember, most guys tend to come back to their ex girlfriends as soon as they have started moving on. So if you can create the illusion that you are moving on and moving forward, it may cause him to return to you sooner. But keep in mind that is he thinks he has you, he’s not going to be afraid of losing you.

The Bottom Line

If a guy tells you any of the above things I mentioned at the top of this article, or anything in that same vein, I urge you to instead take it with a grain of salt.

People change all the time, and so do their feelings.

While writing this article, I kept thinking about Buffy and Spike. Spike becomes head over heels for Buffy in season 5, but she is less than interested:

Spike: “You can’t tell me that there isn’t anything there between you and me. I know you feel something.”
Buffy: “It’s called revulsion. And whatever you think you’re feeling it’s not love. You can’t love without a soul.”
Drusilla: “Oh, we can, you know. We can love quite well… if not wisely.”

-Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Crush”

However, in the last episode of the series, she tells him she loves him, and I even hear that they get together in the comics (which are considered cannon). What did Spike do to get Buffy to love him? He changed? He also utilized jealousy tactics (bringing a date to Xander’s wedding in “Hell’s Bells”). It worked. Buffy is the epitome of stubborn, but she couldn’t’ deny that there were feelings between them (much to my chagrin – I’m a Buffy/Angel shipper all the way).

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Stubbornness is nothing when feelings are concerned. If you do the work and start moving on without moving on, I would say you have a nice chance of having your ex show up to your door and telling you he misses you and wants you back. Your power comes from appearing to move on. So embrace that, and all the positive changes that come along with it.

(Written by Rachel)

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

90 thoughts on “How to Make a Stubborn Ex Boyfriend Come Running Back”

  1. Kris

    December 9, 2017 at 2:58 am

    Okay, so I hadn’t spoken to my ex in months and although we ended amicably, we still hadn’t spoken or met up with each other even though we said we could still be “friends” (i don’t actually believe that).. Anyways, we still have each other on social media and that includes snapchat. Well, the other day, I posted a story and he replied to it in the most random way and we ended up starting a conversation with each other although I was a bit hesitant because it was so random and it had been so long since we spoke.. However, the conversation went on and I made sure to not reply as quickly but he responded very quickly after my responses.. This continued for the entire day, until he all of a sudden just stopped replying. I’m so confused because he’s the one who kept asking questions and continued the conversation and then out of the blue cut it off… A few days after that, I posted a photo on Instagram and he still “liked” it so I know that I didn’t do anything wrong. But, I’m just confused as to what the whole point of contacting me in the first place even was. We’re both stubborn people and I know from mutual friends he’s been single all this time, but now I’m not sure if I’m overthinking everything.. it’s been over a week, and I haven’t contacted him since then especially since I’m trying to think logically, but I just can’t wrap my head around this. SOS

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 1:42 am

      Hi Kris,

      maybe he just didn’t have someone to talk to that day, and then you were responsive.. For me, if you wanted to build rapport, don’t expect much from him but initiate more conversations..

  2. Sammie

    December 5, 2017 at 2:14 pm

    Are the rules different if I was the one who ended things with my ex? I made the mistake of asking my ex to consider giving me a second chance in an apology. We’ve never had each other on social media so I wouldn’t know if he’s even seen my social media. 🙁 Can an ex still be stubborn even if they didn’t call the shots and ended things?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 8:23 pm

      what did he say when you asked?

  3. amy

    November 29, 2017 at 6:37 pm

    ok I will tell him about this tomorrow! hope it turns out for the better

  4. amy

    November 28, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    yeah Amor, enough with ignoring this thing!
    I haven’t really texted him after that day! Do you think I should wait for him to text me or text him myself and tell him about all this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 2:37 pm

      Ask him anytime..if he doesn’t answer tell him calmly what you felt about what he’s doing

  5. amy

    November 27, 2017 at 9:53 am

    hi Amor
    there is this one thing bothering me alo and I hope u can help me find a olution for it ! we had been talking all this week on texting when before it was on messenger. Two days ago, he was replying and we were having a pleasant conversation and he just vanished in the middle of it when before he used to send me a follow up text excusing himself! He didn’t even excuse himself and on the next day I texted him thrice but he didn’t reply and he marked my previous texts from some days ago as seen but not replied to me!
    I feel so disrespected and I m literally sick of his bullshit and this game we are playing! how can I make this stop? i feel bothered not because I m dying to talk to him but because this is against basic ettiquettes and manners that he is treating me so shabbily! And I want to call him upon this attitude of his!
    How should I go about this, tell me? Please reply fast before I do something stupid!
    When we had those phone call conversations, he was beyond sweet and friendly and afterwards very flirty but I stayed away!
    I would try to do the push pull with him before he does it with me this time! But before that I want him to know that this is terrible behaviour ! he can choose to not talk to me but doesn’t have the right to disrespect me!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 1:54 pm

      ask him first why he did it.. if he doesn’t answer, then tell him in a calm way what you feel about it.

  6. Amy

    November 20, 2017 at 5:17 pm

    We had a long conversation on call and afterwards we had playful conversations on texts but I feel he is withdrawing again! What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 22, 2017 at 2:56 am

      You should be the one doing the push pull..he should be the one wondering what you’ve been up to..and then seeing through your posts or hearing through friends what you did or where you’ve been.. Be busy..put more time in your activities instead of him.

  7. Amy

    November 18, 2017 at 4:34 am

    Amor
    After two days, he texted me again with what’s up and I replied after some hours!
    Until yesterday, there wasn’t anything from both sides but then I just straight up called him he didn’t pick then he called me back but I was busy so couldn’t pick and we exchanged some texts and he called me thrice again but I told him I am busy so he got a bit pissed off and said will talk later and when I texted him at almost midnight, he didn’t reply!
    It’s hide n seek!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:03 am

      Initiate at a good time so that he doesn’t at midnight too..

  8. Audrina M

    November 18, 2017 at 4:31 am

    Hi Amor,

    To clear up confusion I did NC for 30 days then texted which was positive and we continued to text everyday (sometimes he initiates it) until we went down memory lane reflecting how we were sexually with him asking if I been with other guys which I avoided answering therefore it went downhill from there he basically told me to not contact him again and he will text me when he can find my sons things… now I tried to text different times and was blocked. Emailed and no response. It’s been 30 days which is basically second NC, I don’t know how to get him to respond to me if he’s blocked me on everything. But he did pay his portion of the phone bill on time but still never responded about getting my items I do need back. I’m still in contact with his mother and I don’t want to go ask her to get him to get my things back, it’s frustrating. He went from every happy to hear from me to being spiteful.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 4:53 am

      That means he has to think you’re moving on and not going to chase anymore through your posts.. Does your posts look like that? Since your blocked, you have to make them public.. If you haven’t done that, extend to 45 days..

  9. Amy

    November 15, 2017 at 9:10 am

    Hello Amor
    He texted me on Sunday after 15 days, just saying hey and it was at 1.30am So I replied the next day at night and he hasn’t replied until now!
    Why did he text me then?
    Now what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:09 am

      well, it was midnight.. it can be a booty call or he has been thinking why you’re not texting.. have you initiated again by now?

  10. Audrina

    November 14, 2017 at 3:00 am

    Hi Amor

    It’s Audrina. It’s day 27 of 2nd NC we were in the texting phase for a week which started postitive and ended negative when he assumed I been with other guys and acted coy like he didn’t care before proceeding to block me leaving me to restart NC. Today I texted him regarding his portion of the phone bill that’s due tomorrow and no shocker I’m still blocked. I sent an email and I’m 100% sure he blocked me there as well. I tried to text him through a family members phone he was on good contact with before and blocked them too! What is going on? I’m only trying to reach out about the bill & get my son’s things back from him while he’s icing me out. Our break up was 3 months ago after 3 years together so how can he act like this knowing I’ve asked kindly before for these things and that’s all nothing more or less.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 1:17 am

      Hi Audrina,

      sorry, I’m confused.. Did you mean your texting phase was during your nc? Because the texting phase should be after nc.. talking to him about the bills is ok as long as it’s only about that..

  11. Amy

    November 6, 2017 at 12:11 pm

    Please Reply

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 12:59 pm

      Let him initiate this time… If after two weeks from now he still hasn’t initiated, you can initiate…

  12. Camila

    November 5, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    My ex and I had been together for 2 years and we lived together. He broke up with me and I left our apartment and he is certain he wants to be done with me but he still messages me telling me he misses me or that he cries whenever he goes grocery shopping because we used to always go together. He also tries to talk to me by talking about my belongings and how he needs to get rid of them but as soon as I tell him what to do he just pushes the date back. I am not sure what he wants and if he is just messaging me because he is not used to this or because he does want me back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 7:58 pm

      Hi Camila,

      why did you broke up?

  13. Amy

    November 5, 2017 at 10:16 am

    Amor
    Thank you for responding!
    We were talking and he just stopped responding and I stopped texting after that!
    I haven’t texted him after that! Should I text him or wait for him to initiate?

  14. Amy

    November 4, 2017 at 8:11 am

    Hey Amor
    A week ago we were talking and in the middle of it he stopped responding and seen all my texts and didn’t reply and hasn’t until now! Should I text him? What should I do?
    How can I do push pull when he is doing it so much by being indifferent towards me although he is good while we talk!
    Please respond fast!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2017 at 6:11 am

      when he stopped responding, you shouldn’t have sent another text.. and if you can see how he does push pull, copy it. You just have to do it first.

  15. Amy

    October 30, 2017 at 8:56 pm

    How should I move on without moving on when I am still in contact with him and in building rapport stage and he is on and off with me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 4:50 pm

      Yes, you should be moving on without moving on because that helps in push pull… Push pull means you make him interested because you’re amazing or you’re fun to talk with but you’re indifferent and not always available…

  16. Amy

    October 30, 2017 at 8:55 pm

    How should I move on without moving on when I am still in contact with him and in building rapport stage and he is on and off with me? How am I going to show him that I am moving on and not pining after him when we still talk?

  17. Amy

    October 30, 2017 at 8:49 pm

    Hi Amor
    My ex talks about other girls a lot and treats me like his friend and has called me a friend on some occasions too! What do I do now? Why is he doing this? The distant and friendly cycle continues!

  18. Amy

    October 30, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    Hi Amor
    My ex and I talk and its constant close and distant cycle but there is addition now, he talks about other girls a lot and tells me how he liked a certain girl a lot and how a certain girl hit on him as if I am his guy friend or his wingman! What do I do now? I feel jealous and angry!

  19. Amy

    October 30, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    Hi Amor
    My ex and I talk, like 3 to 4 days, we are really close and then he does conversation ghosting on me! Then he comes back after almost a week and the cycle repeats again and again! He talks about other girls a lot, how some girl hit on him and how there is some other hot girl that he started a conversation with, in a gym! It makes me insanely jealous and angry but I remain silent! And refers to me as his wingman kind of! Before the past relationship conversation we had, he was super flirty and now he is just making me insanely jealous all the time! Talks to me a lot for some days and then disappears! What is he trying to do? And what should I do? He is in our home country now again!
    Please help! This push and pull is making my patience wear thin!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 4:49 pm

      Yes, you should be moving on without moving on because that helps in push pull… Push pull means you make him interested because you’re amazing or you’re fun to talk with but you’re indifferent and not always available…

  20. Audrina

    October 29, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    Hi Amor,

    The item is my son’s that I lend my ex and his little brothers play which my son recently asked for now he got a new game for it and I’m trying to get it back. I just feel he doesn’t care anymore cause he won’t even try to get it despite telling him my son is asking for it back and I don’t want to send him an email since he blocked me on phone to ask. It’s about to be three months since we last seen each other and two weeks last time we texted, did he just forget about me already? After 3 years? First he was hot and cold, now he’s just closed off.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 10:11 pm

      Better to approach it like he had moved on instead of expecting he still has feelings…how are you going to attract a person who doesn’t have feelings for you?

  21. BellaB

    October 29, 2017 at 6:55 am

    my ex of 2 yrs left me and our baby 2.5 months ago. had been threatening to leave for months. the day i found a couples councelor for us was the day he picked a fight with ne and left in a rage. making it clear that he blamed me for the breakup. i did NC the first 2 wks but broke it when i asked him for financial help for our baby. he took advantage and started becoming mean with me again after wed had sex a few times. so i shut him out again and filed child support. we are now amidst a custody case and im sure he is still angry with me. now NC for 22 days. he has not reached out to me. however i recently saw him at a bar i used to work at. where we met. i ignored him but could feel him watching me. i got lots of love from my old female coworkers and i had a blast. my ex seemed pretty unfazed until he saw me hugging a male friend. it was hard to read my ex’s reaction though. but it definetly caught his attention.
    he saw me leave with my friend when the club closed but i didnt look back to see his reaction. please tell me, did i work the jealousy angle correctly? i have done well with my self improvement these past few months eventhough my family has disintegrated. i am still extremely hurt and i still love my ex. is there still hope to save my family?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 7:43 pm

      Hi Bella B,

      Yes, you did it correctly..be indifferent with him during hearings.. And extend to 45 days your new nc

  22. bellaB

    October 28, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    my boyfriend of 2 yrs left me and our baby 2.5 months ago. he threatened to leave for months as i tried to find a counselor for us. when i found one he picked a fight with me & left in a rage. he still blames me for the breakup. trust issues. i did NC for 2 wks but broke it because i had to ask him to buy things for our daughter. he took advantage and started to friend zone me. we had sex a few times & when he started to become mean again with no attempt to reconnect with me i shut him out & filed child support. now NC for 21 days & he has not reached out to me. recently i saw him at a bar i used to work at, where we met. he watched me but i ignored him. we are now amidst custody issues. i got a ton of male attention at the club. he wasnt getting half as much attention from the women but he was trying. he didnt seem to notice all the love i was getting until he saw me hug a male friend. he watched me walk out the bar with my friend.
    i am hurting badly. i have been successful with self improvement eventhough my family is disintegrating. i want to save my family. did i work the jealousy angle correctly? is there hope?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 7:43 pm

      Hi Bella B,

      Yes, you did it correctly..be indifferent with him during hearings.. And extend to 45 days your new nc

  23. DesiLu

    October 26, 2017 at 9:43 pm

    I’ve got that same problem again. I sent a question yesterday but when I check the page later and still today, I don’t see my question and so of course not the answer either. Another thing about this tech problem is that when I sent a new message saying that I didn’t see my message, immediately my initial message returned viewable. Hopefully this will happen again. Either way I’ll post to let you know so that if there’s a tech problem it can get looked at. Thanks so much.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2017 at 10:32 am

      if you’re in nc, you shouldn’t text him nor reply to him.. if you did, you need to restart the count.. yes, it’s a good sign..

  24. Pikachu

    October 26, 2017 at 6:05 am

    Hi Amor,

    My 30 day NC ends tomorrow and my story goes that on the day of our breakup my ex said we’ll try to meet up in november(ie, next month) but i didn’t take it seriously cause maybe he was only trying to be polite since he dumped me. He contacted only once on my birthday during the NC and i did not respond. Now my question is, when i initiate texting him after nc should i mention anything about the meet up he previously mentioned? also,should i mention anything about his birhday message to me? Help me please, thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2017 at 10:58 am

      Nope, don’t mention it..

  25. Audrina

    October 26, 2017 at 3:57 am

    Hi Amor,

    My ex still hasn’t gave my things back. Saturday he said he forgot it and he will mail it to me, despite not texting back I’m assuming he blocked me. Sunday he texted me saying he couldn’t find it and he will let me know when he does & not to go to his work before I’m assuming proceeding to block me again. Since I notice he tends to block me after every text now I didn’t bother sending any acknowledgment back. Still in NC for a week and i noticed he activated his account again which is still private but I can tell he’s actively posting since the image count went from 8 to 16 in the past 2 months. It shouldn’t bother me but it does. Also I want to tell you, his best friend is NOW my friend on IG since we got along before and later in a convo asked if my ex gave ever him his birthday gift from 3 years ago (inside joke) he said no but now that he knows what it is he wants it and is going to ask for it. I think my ex will freak out if he knew we were IG friends because he voiced in the past he always felt his best friend and I were more compatible together & felt threatened by a friendship between us or that he might text me randomly upset over befriending his best friend on IG. Im still actively posting which his friend views my stories, yet I don’t think he will tell him what I post since my ex is extremely stubborn and barely talks about his feelings with even his best friend.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2017 at 10:53 am

      Hi Audrina,

      if you’re things are not that important, let them for now.. and it’s ok to be friends with his best friends, just don’t go overboard and date him..

  26. DesiLu

    October 25, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    And do I need to restart the 30 days from today now that he has contacted me and I am replying (I think), or still from my last contact 5 days ago when I originally began NC? Thank you!

  27. DesiLu

    October 25, 2017 at 9:38 pm

    Thanks a million, Amor. Sooooo, I have a glimmer of hope. Although he had not texted or called for 10 days, and I stopped texting 4 days ago. I JUST received a text saying to leave the relationship alone. That he didn’t like mt attitude of laughing at the guy in the bar but he doesn’t want to talk about it so, take care and goodbye.

    Hmmmm? Hopeful or not? How and when should I reply? Maybe just maybe. I already told him I’m sorry and I wouldn’t like it if the shoe was on the other foot. And honestly I already knew how sensitive he is and I wish there was a do-over but there’s not. At least there’s the EBR team to support me in getting out of this mess. Thank you so much.

  28. DesiLu

    October 24, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    Hi my questions from yesterday disappeared. I have been checking back for an answer but now I don’t see the questions anymore. Is it because of a waiting period? Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 5:56 pm

      Hi Desilu,

      It’s still here.. I just haven’t reached it yet.. I’m not sure why it disappeared on your side though.. Just do 30 days and then take it slow in rebuilding rapport after

  29. DesiLu

    October 23, 2017 at 11:04 pm

    Hi. My ex and I were doing great until it all blew up in one night. He picked me up for a movie on a night he was exhausted after working long hours 7 days. He was a little edgy and bothered and now I think it’s because of being tired as it’s not his character and we’ve never had a fight. But at the time it made me act out of character talking non stop nervously. Just what a tired guy likes, right? Wrong. He always insists on opening my door and I opened it myself. Little things like this were bothering him. So after the movie went out to a rock bar/club he said he heard about. Outside there were pictures of rock legends and I started naming them and he did too and I sensed something weird like he felt that I was trying to show him up. And when he first picked me up I had a gift of Himalayan pink salt I found in sale so I bought one for each of us.
    He asked if it was for the bath and I said no it’s for cooking and from the Himalayas in , I think, Tibet. He looked annoyed and said “I know where they are and threw the salt in the back seat. Again, this ungracious behavior is out of character but I could sense that same thing like he thought that I think I’m better or smarter than him. This is not at all the case and that is why I love him. I view him as my intellectual equal if not smarter and he’s much more successful than me but either I was being a terrible snob or something or he was feeling insecure, or I don’t know what. So, I’m uncomfortable and talking too much.
    He gave me money to buy beers and went outside to smoke. A guy across the bar raised his glass to me. I raised mine but with a straight face. The guy makes a funny face and I crack up laughing. I turn around and here’s my boyfriend with a “you’re busted” face. I don’t say a word about it. The night continues well. Holding hands while walking. Opening my door. Making love at my place. Talking after and he decides it’s the right time to tell me “my friends ask me why I don’t want to get married and I don’t know why but I don’t” like minutes after sex. Weird timing. But we’re still close and nice with each other. He got annoyed that my upstairs bathroom wasn’t clean and had to use the downstairs. I’m embarrassed about that. He left and I said “I love you” . He didn’t reply at all. He hasn’t contacted or replied to me since. I was a GNAT for 5 days. And a super pathetic groveling GNAT. I apologized for hurting him. Insisted it was innocent. Asked for forgiveness and told him it wouldn’t happen again. Told him I love him because of how great he is above all others and someone who I grow by being around. No response but on day 6 I broke the pattern and this time texted because I needed some help related to home repair. I sent my question and photos of the project. He never answered. I went off on him in a text saying that I had been nice and he isn’t. That all I needed was a little help and I never ask and he’s the only one I looked up to that I would ever ask but what a mistake that was. I said that from now on I’m focusing on my mind, body and spirit and not being depressed over him. That my two businesses are my priorities and I would have loved his advice but he doesn’t want to share. I said I might even become vegetarian at last (something we both wanted to do) and get my bikini body back. And I attached a nice bikini photo from when I won a fitness competition. But that it didn’t matter because at 10 lbs heavier or not I love myself and me and God know that I am good, faithful, loyal and amazing. Then I wrote sayonara in Japanese which I have no idea why but it’s funny. So I guess 45 days no contact is in order. Is that right? And that would end on December 3rd. We had plans for me to go to his place to cook Christmas dinner for me. Any way I can revisit that when I make my contact again or is that too forward? I actually felt that getting angry at him put me back in a better position after my GNAT downfall. Do you agree?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 5:56 pm

      Hi Desilu,

      It’s still here.. I just haven’t reached it yet.. I’m not sure why it disappeared on your side though.. Just do 30 days and then take it slow in rebuilding rapport after

  30. Sam

    October 23, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    Hey EBR- I love your site and it is very helpful whenever I am feeling down. But I would like to get an honest input on if you think I will even be able to get my ex back.

    Okay so him and I were best friends in high school. He first tried dating me but I would always say that I didn’t want to ruin the friendship. Long story short right when I was willing to open my heart to him he had gotten oral from this girl and said he didn’t feel the same about me anymore. So I went without contacting him and he came back to me. Over that period of time we broke EACHOTHERS virginitys and we were dating coming up two years almost. We were arguing a lot towards the end of the relationship and he said that with us arguing that it was best that we just be friends. I was heartbroken. He’s the love of my life. My everything. Not only that he’s my best friend. We said no matter what we went through that we would always work through it. He said he would never leave me. So when he broke up with me, I decided to fight for it (which unfortunately I found your page after begging). I would constantly ask if we could atleast try, if there was a chance for us getting back together, etc. every time he would be very strict saying no just friends. It’s just hard for me to believe that he doesn’t love me anymore. When I ask him how he can break up with me over arguments even after all we’ve been through every time he says “I don’t know or it’s complicated or it didn’t happen over night”. He says he still loves me but says we can’t be together. He still says that he want me in his life and will never leave me but says that he won’t tell me that he loves me anymore because it’s not right since we are just friends. I feel and I know that I made it worse begging for him back but I was desperate. He literally is my soul mate. After everything that has happened do you still think that I would have a chance getting him back by doing this no contact rule for (kind of) the second time. Even though we were not really dating the first. He told me that he’s not looking for another relationship and he’s not sleeping with anyone and that he was only ever comfortable with me btw. Is thirty days long enough to ignore him? Or should it be longer? 45? 50? Our two year mark is coming up and I also am not sure if I should contact him before or after our two year anniversary of actually dating. Around thirty days from now would be a few days before our two years. Wouldn’t I look as if I’m trying to get back together before that date? Please help me. Please tell me if I should just let it go. Or if I’m smart to still go through this no contact and fight for him once more. I feel as if I’ve lost my whole soul. I can’t believe that he atleast doesn’t love me anymore. I just can’t. We’ve been through too much for him to just fall out of love with me like that. I’ve come to realize some of the issues not just him but that went wrong in the relationship and I really just want to fight one more time and fix it. Please respond and help me with these issues and questions! ): Thank you in advance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 5:47 pm

      Hi sam,

      Do one last nc of 45 days, be active in improving yourself and take it slow in building rapport..

  31. Rosie

    October 22, 2017 at 7:41 pm

    Hello to the whole EBR team. I’ve already asked for advice once but I think I did sth wrong and my comment wasn’t posted. I’m sorry this is going to be a really long one, but I’m just really worn out and lost. I don’t know what’s important to the story and what’s not so I’m just gonna try to briefly describe the whole 4 years of my and my ex’es relationship.
    I am 24 and he is 22. We met 4 years ago and were best friends ever since. It was even more miraculous that we live in countries that are thousands of miles apart. We met during a camp and he kissed me the evening he was leaving, but then told me we won’t work out because of the distance and so we stayed friends, even tho I loved him through all of the time. 2 years later I visited him. He couldn’t resist me and so we decided to give this relationship a try, even tho we kept it hidden. I left and we continued being long distance for 4 months. Then he drifted away, finally telling me he doesn’t feel in love anymore and he broke up with me. We didn’t have any contact for 2 months, then he hit me up with the talk about the beautiful friendship we had and how it would be a shame to waste it. 3 months later I managed to reattract him and he asked me to be his gf again. So I visited again, because he couldn’t leave the country due to the political situation in his country. This time we were official, we told his friends and family. They, especially his mother, were against it. We procceeded to be a couple tho. Then I found out he kept in touch with a girl he used to be in ‘friends with benefits’ relationship with during the 2 years of us being ‘just friends’. He was telling her things like how important for him she is and how much he cares to keep her in his life, even tho he promised me the two of them don’t keep in touch anymore. I also lost my virginity with him, thinking he is a virgin too, because he hid their relationship from me and he told me it’s a first time for him too. I felt betrayed and wanted to leave him. But he cried and begged me to stay, promising he won’t do it again and that he would die without me. My heart broke at the sight and I agreed to stay. But nothing was the same ever since, I was jealous and controlling. He was lying to me from time to time, his family didn’t accept me, he wasn’t sure if he is ready to leave the country for me. We were fighting more and more often and the situation was driving me more and more crazy. Finally he met a girl who lived near him, and so he started to text her good morning or taking her to restaurants. He was giving her more attention than he was giving to me, while lying to me he’s not talking to her at all because he knew it’s cheating by my definition. Basically I treated him like he is doing everything wrong for the last 6 months of our relationship and he was treating me like a gnat. Finally he told me he’s sick of this relationship, he wouldn’t leave with me anyway, that he doesn’t feel anything for me anymore and he doesn’t want to stop contacting this girl. I wanted to fix my mistakes but he said it is too late, that we aren’t meant for each other. And that he doesn’t want to fix the mistakes he made. He said we always try to fix things but it all turns to shit eventually and that we should go our separate ways. He said we could be friends tho. I said as long as he keeps in touch with that girl, I don’t wanna know him because I’m not gonna stand by and watch their relationship blossom. He said it’s my choice and it was a goodbye. Then he just texted me best wishes before my master’s defending. I just said thanks and he wanted to continue the conversation but I didn’t reply, I felt too hurt. Then I texted him happy birthday and he also only answered with thanks, without any further conversation. That was a month ago and none of us reached out. I am so confused because he basically goes from telling me that I’m the love of his life to telling me I don’t mean anything to him every few months. Idk if it’s because we are long distance or if he is just an immature womanizer. I don’t know if getting him back makes any sense or if he is just no good for me. And even if it does, Idk if a month of NC is enough because it was like the worst breakup in history with me going crazy and us offending each other. Maybe I should wait 2 or 3 months? What should be my approach? I am begging you, help me!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 23, 2017 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Rosie,

      Restart nc, do at least 45 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media sites where posts lasts and then initiate contact after it..check this one too:
      Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

  32. Audrina

    October 21, 2017 at 9:19 pm

    Hi Amor,

    So I’ve told you I was going to pick up my items from my ex this weekend, he just happened to text me saying to not come to his work today since he forgot it, he will try to remember tomorrow and if not he will mail it to me… I feel like he blocked me again after sending that message but I’m not going to reply back to see whether he did or not. I have started NC again since he’s actively blocking me. I just wonder why he goes back and forth from texting me first in the texting phase being nice to now acting extremely rude and stubborn… I do want to make note he deleted his IG entirely so even if I’m active in posting, he won’t see it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      It doesnt matter of he’s active or not because he can use a different account, so make your posts public..

  33. Rosie

    October 20, 2017 at 8:04 pm

    Hi,
    me and my boyfriend were together for 6 months, then broke up for another 6 and then got back together. It was a year ago and now he broke up with me again. So it gives 1,5 year of a relationship total. Long story short, he often goes from telling me that I am the love of his life to telling we aren’t meant for each other and we have no future. In the last period our problems have grown very big, as we are also long distance. We were supposed to move in together but he grew hesistant about leaving his family. His family didn’t like me and I didn’t like them, he got in touch with a girl who he used to have a ‘friends with benefits’ deal with before he met me. We were fighting more and more, we were disrespectful towards each other, I was controlling and he was ignorant. It caused him to cheat emotionally when he met a new girl. He was hanging out with her behind my back, texting her good morning etc. He broke up with me telling me he’s sick of this relationship and we aren’t meant to be together, which of course caused me to first beg him, and then hate talk to him. Let’s just say it was a very nasty breakup. I already completed a month of No Contact and he didn’t contact me even once, he seems happy on social media. Therefore I’m wondering if I shouldn’t extend the No Contact rule to 2 or even 3 months to make him forget a bit more about how bad the breakup was and how badly I behaved. Do you think it’s a good idea? Will it increase or minimize the chance of me getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 23, 2017 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Rosie,

      Restart nc, do at least 45 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media sites where posts lasts and then initiate contact after it..check this one too:
      Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

  34. Audrina

    October 18, 2017 at 3:18 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I want to update for my comment I sent last night. We were texting fine until he brought up sexual memories we had, comments like whoever you’re wearing lingerie for now is one lucky guy and tried asking if I have done certain things since then which I dodged the question and turned it into something else, towards the end of our conversation I asked if he wanted to have a quick lunch since I was going to pick up my items from his work anyways (to go at a time he’s not physically there) and he said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. I told him okay that’s fine then he decided to end the conversation stating to not text him and he will text me on the weekend regarding my items before proceeding to block me again. I noticed his mood changed so fast at the thought of someone else in my life resulting in him being short with replies and going back to the way he acted immediately after our break up. I felt we were going somewhere before when he would be flirty and nice & him texting me first randomly and building rapport until he blocked me out of nowhere to him unblocking me because I sent an email stating I wanted my stuff back and the conversation turned south really fast. I feel at this point I have lost him all over again and probably have to do another NC. Right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 19, 2017 at 3:35 pm

      yup…

  35. Audrina

    October 18, 2017 at 6:20 am

    Hi Amor,

    My ex and I were texting, I’m planning to pick up my things from his work this weekend but at a time he’s at lunch so we don’t see each other (his doing) and during the texting phase he somehow gradually brought up sexual memories to which he asked if I have been with anyone else & I ignored changing the subject then stating whoever I get to wear my lingerie now for is a lucky guy… I’m getting the feeling he’s moved on after 2 months not being together and it hurt me more than I thought by the way he’s responding in text though I’m not giving him any hints into my personal life after him. Do you think he’s just saying that to save face and show he doesn’t care anymore or he just doesn’t care anymore.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 19, 2017 at 3:34 pm

      HI Audrina,

      it would be better to assume he doesn’t care.. now, if he doesn’t care, how are you going to attract him? If he’s being that coy, can you play him and be cheeky?

  36. May

    October 17, 2017 at 4:59 am

    Pls help me…
    Since last March me and him fought a lotttt. I was a jealous type and I am a bad mouthed girl.(I know I was wrong). But we had been in a very long relationship.
    So one month ago, my ex break up with me after we had been dating for more than a decade. He decided that we should stay seperately. After the break, we still had contact via just a few normal texts like ”hey howr u doing blah blah blah”. But about a week ago, as I want to get back with him desperatly, I spammed him with texts saying” Can we get back together? I will fix the manners which he hates, and that I will make him happy again.. and I was begging that I would die if he leave me for good!” Then he said ”Not to wait him and we should stay seperately!” I asked if he has another gf!” He said yes. But whether it will be serious or not relationship, he doesn’t know yet. He has to see” I was sooo panic and that I started to send him msgs begging a lot to reconsider me again if it’s not toi late, he said I should stop texting! But I didn’t” but he doesn’t reply anymore. I said a friend to call him and tell that I am suffering a lot, she did. Then he said he would tell me directly as he would make a call. But after that, he never call me again since then. So I also don’t call or text him again.but i m dying inside and going to crazy.
    What should I do??? Pls help me. I want him back so desperately. Coz I love him so much and we were dating since high school. I don’t wanna lose him anyway.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 8:48 pm

  37. Cara

    October 17, 2017 at 3:46 am

    Thank you EBR….Rachel and the team.. This is such a great and relevant article. It puts to shame the common catch all phrases people say like “He’s just not that into you,” because they really don’t care to hear about your situation or have no relevant advice to give.
    What’s even more powerful in this article about Stubborn men is that it I think it explains how and why people can change and yes sometimes it can take years. I kept thinking this article was along the lines of explaining “Cognitive Dissonance” which means that sometimes people hold a core belief that is so strong their stubborn holds out even though they are into you, yet when they are presented with evidence that works against the belief the new evidence can’t be accepted. Which in turn creates and uncomfortable feeling or cognitive dissonance. I think I explained that right.
    My best example was getting divorced 10 years ago. I never believed in divorce and never ever thought I would get divorced. I went through several stages of contemplation including pre-contemplation (which I learned is subconscious) and finally contemplation. It took me 3 years to finally make the decision to get divorced and it shows you why it was it can be so hard for someone to change their beliefs. I am sharing this because I hope it can help others out there on EBR and give them hope. Thanks for letting me share.

  38. Cambell

    October 17, 2017 at 2:30 am

    My ex broke up with me on September 6th, and since then I have gone on and off through no contact. After the breakup he was always first to look at my snapchat stories, even my families. We had hours worth of conversations recently over the issues we faced in our relationship. He even told a mutual friend he “wouldn’t be complaining if we got back together.” yet he still sends me mixed signals. Then last night we were talking again on snapchat about our past relationship and he types “I hate to do this, but I think it’s best for us.” Then he blocks me on snapchat. I then text him and say “Wow how mature” and he responds with “It’s for you not to worry about me. It will be healthy for you.” I hope it is a good sign that he doesn’t want me to worry and hasn’t blocked me from every platform? I am not sure yet if he blocked my number, but he for sure did not block me from instagram. I posted something on my instagram story and he looked at it. Do I do a 30 day not contact period? The reason it is so hard for me is that I am so scared that during no contact he will be with someone else. I have already read what to do if your ex blocks you and basically every article on here. I have emailed ex recovery multiple times and have gotten no response. I am in dire need of help. Please help me!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 8:34 pm

      Hi Cambell,
      Yep, stick to at least 30 and check this one:
      Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

  39. Tweya

    October 17, 2017 at 1:24 am

    Geez, I keep going back and forth in my mind. We broke up ages ago, and he knows I’ve moved on, he’s tried to meet to return something of mine back (I refused), he’s try to invite me out to his gigs (I’ve refused)… We actually matched on Tinder again which is where we first met. ( I swiped right out of curiosity and he had already done the same, so it was a match right away). I’ve been civil and friendly, but after he started forwarding me silly links and being chatty like old times, I kinda said that I could be friendly and stuff but that that was pretty much it. He asked if that meant him not writing to me at all and I said yeah maybe not. I HAD missed him and I had wanted to try “us” again – but he wasn’t apologizing or saying anything about what happened. Which makes me mad. Dunno what to do actually. I know he misses me, but he’s such a narcissist. I feel like now that I said for him to maybe just stop writing altogether, that he’s actually not going to try again. I dunno, I go through not giving a rat’s ass to missing the good times. It’s been 7 months btw since we broke up. And the chit-chatting he initiated started 2 months after the break up.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 8:18 pm

      If you really want to move on, just don’t talk to him…

  40. Audrina

    October 16, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I followed what you said and rested from initiating text for 3-5 days because I was blocked after the 6th day of texting. I tried to send a text on the 3rd day of this and saw I was still blocked. He did text me that same night only to ask me what his phone bill portion was (our lease is up next month) and after getting my reply he just said “thanks” before blocking me again before I can send another text. I’m so so confused. Few days ago he was texting me back to back as if he was holding onto everything he wanted to share with me like he stumbled upon his old iPod that has tons of memories of us which he kept and didn’t delete and later on on day 6 asking what I was doing that weekend before I told him I had pre arranged plans and conversation was still great afterwards he didn’t press further on it to suddenly him blocking me the next morning and even now 3 days later him only to ask about the phone bill. He doesn’t have Facebook and blocked me off IG after our break up so I doubt he will check it since I’m still active in posting and the mutual friends we have he isn’t close to anymore. Does this mean I have to do NC again? I’m confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 11:47 am

      Not yet..just rest from initiating for around 3-5 days

  41. Megan

    October 15, 2017 at 11:08 pm

    hi,
    I broke up with him a couple months ago because I felt he was giving mixed signals. I wanted him to make an effort at being a boyfriend:(

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 16, 2017 at 10:03 pm

      It can either mean he was just being friendly and misread it, or yes, he realized he doesn’t want to get back with you

  42. Megan

    October 15, 2017 at 3:10 am

    My ex bf started contacting me and talking to me a lot. Basically acting interested. He wanted to hangout so we went to the pool. Now it has been over a week since we saw eachother and he hasn’t said anything to me at all. No calls, no text. Why is he doing this? Did he realize he didn’t like me ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 15, 2017 at 8:18 pm

      Hi Megan,

      When and why did you break up?

  43. Blondie18

    October 13, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    Hi EBR team,

    The guy I have been seeing since 3 years has been leaving and coming back consistently within 30-60 days and never left me for longer. His situation is difficult, he’s married with a child and has been working on a separation and now divorce for some time. Just 8 months ago he got separated and supposedly in the divorce process now. Like most men he needs his space when things get a little messy and since nobody in our social circle could know about our relationship until the divorce, a few incidents happened where people saw us together for example which caused him to freak out and asked for some space. 3 weeks ago, I decided to give him and myself space to step back til things have been finalised with his divorce so we can continue our relationship peacefully and openly, since then he texted me a week after the talk accusing me of calling an ex and blamed me even though I explained I didn’t even know her contact information and then I sent him a personalised birthday cake and gift to his office 3 days ago he then messaged me aggressively saying I have scandalised him at his office and now people are asking who I am to him and so he said I am ruining his life and I didn’t respond until now. I love this man very much and I know he is going through a very hard time (which doesn’t justify his aggressive reaction towards me) but in such a situation, what can be done so he feels a feeling of regret for having to put me through this and comes back??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 14, 2017 at 11:56 am

      Hi Blondie18
      Focus in improving yourself.. Check this one too:
      The Ungettable Girl

  44. Sasha

    October 13, 2017 at 3:52 am

    Hi there! I’d love some advice on the stubborn ex issue. It’s been 2 months since the breakup, already did NC, started texting, and met a few times. In those few meetings my ex told me he still loves me/cares about me/doesn’t want me to disappear, sparks flew between us like they used to, and he’d be affectionate like we were still together. However when we part, it’s back to sparingly texting a week apart. I feel at this point he has very strong feelings for me, but is needing a push to decide what he wants. The word “friend” hasn’t come up either, so I don’t know what we are. I feel if we continue like this, it’ll go nowhere and that he’s just being in touch to keep me around if nothing else works. Should I try different communication? Or make him fear losing me for good?

    Thank you so much! We all appreciate the hard work you do for us on this site!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 14, 2017 at 10:04 am

      Hi Sasha,

      Try little jealousy moves.. Are you still active in going out with other people?

    2. Sasha

      October 17, 2017 at 5:26 am

      Yes, I’ve very active with friends and had a few good dates with a nice guy from my town. Bring on some jealousy! I’m just confused communication wise, more for rapport vs less or disappear to make him fear losing me for good, if he’s keeping me around for a backup.
      Thanks again!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 8:51 pm

      Just remember to always have good or fun conversations but to also be the one ending them and not being available always..

  45. Audrina

    October 13, 2017 at 12:12 am

    Hi, I finished NC, he texted me immediately after the first text fast forward to day 6 I didn’t keep it to 6 messages and we texted all night (a minute or two apart, but I tried to wait 20 mins in between) I ended the conversation by saying it was late and I had to pack which he said he’s still going to be up and we can still text, told him no I’ll be going to bed soon, he said he knows me and knows I’ll be up, after no reply he sent another 3 texts an hour later saying what was I doing and quit ignoring his messages because he knows me well I don’t sleep early and I’m awake lol… I forgot to mention I have my read receipts on so he sees that I saw them. Now Day 7 I tried to sent a message and I saw he blocked me! I tried to send another that night and still didn’t go through. I don’t understand how after not hearing from him at all during NC during our texting he replied immediately or sent back to back messages to suddenly blocking me for no reason. Also I want to state on day 6 he asked if I was busy that weekend and I didn’t reply right away about it but dodged it pretty well. Wouldn’t it be too early to meet up? I need help on what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2017 at 6:48 pm

      Hi Audrina,
      Rest from initiating for now, since you’re also blocked.. Maybe 3-5 days and yes, it’s too early to meet up

  46. Cara

    October 10, 2017 at 7:29 pm

    HI EBR–I love this site and value your blogs and articles!
    I know I’ve shared many times and the short of it is that my ex apologized to me after 6 months of no contact and we have had some sporadic texting since then.
    About a year and a half ago when we were dating, a guy friend told me to end the date at the restaurant to see if he’d chase me after that. I followed his advice, but prior to that my ex and I had already been intimate so in retrospect that advice may not have been the best as that’s when my ex started distancing himself and acting vindictive. He then started using the friend who set us up to spy on me for a year and find out if I had been dating or not, and play games. Like ask me out on a date and then not follow through. So in retrospect I feel like he took that as a huge insult and saw me as a tease. It now seems dumb cause like i said we had already been intimate several times before, but I wasn’t getting a full commitment from him. So that move of ending the date at the restaurant was to get him to commit, etc. It backfired. At the same time, the friend who set us up was backstabbing me and calling him names and telling me not to date him. I know Amor has said the apology was good sign and at the same time, has said I should move on. I really feel like’ I’ve tried to move on, but we had a soul mate connection. So I wanted to ask what’s wrong with me sending him an email explaining my side of all that happened? Not apologizing but it seems like there was a lot of miscommunication and the involvement of the friend (who lied to me and led me to believe he was asking her on dates the entire year cause she did not want us to date again.) At the same time he was going to her for info thinking she was helping him find out what went awry at the last date. Why can’t I send a thoughtfully written email? I have tried asking him to meet up and/or texting to build rapport but it never transpires that we get to meet. I fear I will never have the opportunity to explain my side of things and at least maybe i can re-create more interest and clear up misunderstandings. I can’t text it cause it’s too long. Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2017 at 9:54 am

      Hi Cara,

      It’s chasing..it’s not really wrong but you have to avoid doing it to fully move on.. But sometimes that has to happen to, because the more you chase, the more he will reject you..The hurt will help you realize that you can’t go on chasing anymore

  47. April

    October 10, 2017 at 12:12 pm

    Hi Chris and the team, huge fan of the site!
    I wonder if you could give me some advice on my situation?
    I’m a 27-year-old surgeon and was dating a really lovely guy, John, for nearly 5 months. When I met him, I had recently come out of a long-term relationship and definitely wasn’t over my ex. This came through at times when I was distant from John, distracted by my phone, or nit-picked at things he did, purely because he did them differently to my ex. 3 weeks ago, John told me that he likes spending time with me but that something was missing; he told me he doesn’t want us to meet up anymore, although he also said “this won’t be the last time we speak” and suggested that we stay in touch (although maybe he was just trying to be nice?!).
    My feelings are that John and I are very right for each other, but that I met him at the wrong time, and that now I have ruined my chances with him by spending 5 months being only a distracted shadow of myself around him. We have had some great times together, and have very passionate chemistry, but I was never really open to connecting on a deeper emotional level so I can see why he felt something was missing.
    I am currently 1 week into No Contact but am worried whether maybe I should instead go and see him/talk to him and explain the above? He is unaware that I had recently come out of a long term relationship when we met. I am also aware that he is already dating other girls from Tinder and this obviously scares me because maybe he will bond with someone new before I get a chance to show him I’ve changed.
    Thank you so much in advance.
    April x

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2017 at 3:30 pm

      Hi April,

      Continue nc, explain it later once you get to talking abouy that again when you’ve already build rapport

  48. sarahhh

    October 9, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    Hi,
    It has been 3 months since the break up (our second breakup & together for 2yrs), and we haven’t really talked since. We met up a week after the break up to exchange things, but we ended up hanging out. That made separating from him extremely hard for me. But After that I did NC for almost two months. I reached out to him via text and our conversation was short. He did not seem to be interested in talking so I never reached out again. Its been a few weeks since that last convo… I’m not sure what to do. Should I reach out again? What if I don’t get a response or a neutral response? What should I say without sounding too eager/excited? — I feel like every first contact message I draft sounds like I’m trying to get him back. Help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2017 at 3:02 pm

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