Having a legitimate reason for getting back together with your boyfriend is very important. In fact, I am going to be bold here and state that if you do not have a legitimate reason for reuniting, I cannot help you. Why? Because without a truly legitimate reason you are dooming yourself to fail. Sure, you may be able to get back with him using some of the tactics I teach here. Sure, it may be great for a few months but almost always relationships built on an un-legitimate reasons of reuniting will fail. I don’t know about you but I would rather help a couple get back together that lasts as compared to one that doesn’t.

So, while this page may seem insignificant to some I urge you to take the opposite view and realize that before you take any major step to getting back with him you are going to need to do some serious soul searching and come up with one legit reason for getting back together.

(Don’t worry, I created this page to show you examples of bad reasons and good reasons for getting back with an ex.)

Tread With Caution

Generally, if you have read my strategy for getting an ex back, I am very adamant about implementing a no contact rule before you take any step towards getting back with your ex. However, since this page is only focusing on the reasons you have for getting back with an ex I am not going to recommend the no contact rule. Why? Because, every single thing I talk about from this point on should be done BEFORE the no contact period. Think of this like a pre-test before the real test. You need to have at least one legitimate reason for getting back together with your ex before you can move on. That is your goal here.

Define “Legitimate”

Alright, before I can start listing reasons we need to define what I am talking about when I say “legitimate.” Having a good reason for getting back with an ex isn’t always easy to define. Each situation is different and will be unique. However, there are certain guidelines that you can look at to determine if you are on the right track with your reasoning.

Guideline 1: Any reason stemming from desperation or loneliness is NOT a good reason.

Guideline 2: A truly legit reason for getting back together will have substance to it and can be explained in depth.

Lets take a look at some examples of really bad reasons that women tell themselves every day for wanting to get back with their ex boyfriends.

Bad Reasons For Getting Back Together

bad reasons

  • I will die without him.
  • My whole life revolved around him.
  • I will never find anyone as good as him ever again.
  • It will be different next time.

Notice how every single one of these reasons aren’t really reasons at all. Well, I suppose they are, technically, but not the type we are looking for. Certainly they are not the type that are required for you to have successful relationship the second time around. Let’s dissect why these reasons are horrible.

I will die without him.

Will you really? I didn’t realize that someone breaking up with you could physically kill you. I mean, I suppose a couple who has been together for a really long time that suddenly has someone pass away can kill someone from heart break but come on, that is a really rare case.

My whole life revolved around him.

I can guarantee you that your whole existence does not revolve around your ex. This is desperation at it’s finest. The “I don’t know how I can live without him” excuse. The fact of the matter is that you can have a very happy life that doesn’t revolve around someone else.

I will never find anyone as good as him ever again.

I really don’t like this reason for a lot of…. reasons haha. First off, how do you know that you won’t ever find someone as good as him again? Secondly, you are basically admitting here that your ex is the best you will ever have in the boyfriend department. What if he was a horrible boyfriend? By using this reason you are settling for the easy way out.

It will be different next time.

You can become the perfect girlfriend, the perfect wife, the perfect (fill in the blank) but you have to remember that relationships are a two way street. There are two of you and you can’t be the only one that puts in the proper amount of effort.

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Good Reasons For Getting Back Together

good reasons to get back together

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

I would say that the reasons listed above are excellent reasons for getting back together. Some of you may think certain points are controversial but don’t worry. I am going to go through each reason and give you why I consider these good legitimate reasons for getting back with an ex boyfriend.

The breakup was a rash decision.

Sometimes couples break up for impulsive reasons. This is a good reason for getting back together if the impulsive decision to break up came from a specific problem that doesn’t span throughout your entire relationship. You may have even tried to work on this problem but were unsuccessful. In this case it may be worth trying the relationship again.

You were happy almost all of the time you were together.

I am not expecting you to have had a perfect relationship. Every real couple has had a fight. It is no secret that fights really suck. Lets imagine for a moment that a couple who got along really well throughout their entire relationship had a huge fight and broke up. Both of them were really happy in their relationship but they just had a huge fight that temporarily changed their relationship status. It is important to remember that no relationship is perfect. Each one has it’s ups and downs and if you or your ex threw your relationship out the window over one bad experience then you have a legitimate claim for wanting them back.

Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

If you want the same things out of life together then that is a really good thing. Don’t let his bad qualities overshadow this. He may be worth getting back together with!

392 thoughts on “Legitimate Reasons You Should Get Back Together With Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar

    Megan

    April 3, 2019 at 4:18 pm

    My boyfriend and I of a year are in a very bad place. I don’t know if we are on a break or breaking up or what. Things have not been good for a while. I knew something was wrong but I honestly had no idea what the issue was. I had kept begging him to talk and he wouldn’t say anything. He just shut down. He’d say something about my attitude or something random. So obviously thing just kept getting worse, he pretty much checked out, even though I kept asking him to talk. I kept trying everything i could to address what i thought was wrong. Then of course I kept getting upset and loosing my patience till finally it just all exploded over something stupid. He told me he checked out a while ago, that he wasn’t happy and that he didn’t know if he just wanted a break or a break up. I finally got him to open up and tell me what the real issue was, and it all came down to something I didn’t realize was happening. I was blindsided. I told him that how was i supposed to know this reason was an issue if you didn’t talk to me. That if you had, no matter how hard, we wouldn’t be were we are at. This has all been through texts as well. He hasn’t wanted to meet up to talk or anything. I get he needs time to calm down and think. I understand things take time and nothing with change or happen overnight, but we need to meet up just to talk. That’s all i’m looking for at this point is to have that chance.

  2. Avatar

    Pam

    December 30, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    My boyfriend and I were together for 6 years 11 months. He broke up with me exactly 1 month before our 7th anniversary. This year was so hard for both of us, I started a new job that involved a lot of work, intense homework, trainings and a lot of travel. We worked through it all, we had our ups and downs but he was always there for me. In October, I found out I would be placed 130 miles away from him, I remember crying thinking my life was over but he said we would work it out in the long term because he wanted to be with me forever. Well I went away for a work training on December 11, came back the next day and he ended it. He has been texting my brother’s ex’s best friend for the last two months and she basically convinced him that he was unhappy and to end it with me. she ended it with her long term boyfriend 3 days after mine.
    I wasn’t expecting it, I love him to death and honeslty was planning a future with him. I don’t understand how he could listen to someone 6 years younger than him and take her advice. Why would he reach out to her and not me. I tried to contact him, did not end well he told me there was no feelings anymore, no spark and that he was done….and for me to leave him alone. I just want him to come back into my life. I truly am losing my best friend. I want him back but am unsure how to go about doing this. I am going to try the no contact rule for awhile….any advice?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 30, 2018 at 11:06 pm

      Hi Pam!

      I do think NC is a good path for you, but make sure you use that time for your own healing and recovery. I talk about that in great detail in my Program. Visit my home page to tap into all my resources!

  3. Avatar

    Anyon

    December 8, 2018 at 10:32 pm

    My boyfriend and I dated for 10.5 months and it was pure bliss. We had our hiccups, but were always able to move past our issues up until recently. Last month, I always complained and had to sit him down several times about the fact he only wanted to do three things:
    1. Smoke and hangout with his friends all day long, and not make contact with me until 2-4am
    2. Never kept me in the loop of things and occasionally would stand me up, and leave me waiting on him for hours on end. Sometimes even without an apology.
    3. His family expects me to fix him.
    I tried my best to not nag him, but it kind of happened. One night, we decieded to drop all of our problems and go on a dinner date. Later that night, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. (We were also super intoxicated during this fight). I told him that I was coming over to “fix” our relationship, and he told me to not come over. I did anyways, and told him to talk to me. One thing lead to another and we got into a huge fight and he ended it in the heat of the moment. I pushed him, he grabbed me and our friends had to pull us apart. He put my stuff in a bag (not all of it just some) and his friends gave me a ride home and told me to give him space. I understand I played apart, but I wish he would realize that he made a mistake. We were so in love, I would look into his eyes and feel not just at home, but safe. We haven’t talked in a week. I sent him texts saying that I love him and that our relationship was amazing, but after awhile I just left him alone. He deleted our photos off Instagram, but I still have his location, and all his social media followings. He told his parents and his close friends. What can I do from here on out. I want him back, I miss my lover, I miss my goof and I want him back. Any advise for this woman?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 9, 2018 at 2:11 am

      Hi Anyon!

      Ummm, I know his behavior hurts. I think your should consider embracing a no contact period. Many elements to that whole process. Visit my home page and you will find a great deal of info on the topic!

  4. Avatar

    Anonymous

    December 2, 2018 at 9:32 pm

    My boyfriend of almost two years recently broke up with me because he is graduating college this year and I am not. He says that he doesn’t know what he wants from life yet and cannot fully commit to me until he does (if I even am what he wants). Aside from this we also had other issues. He would get annoyed that I liked staying in more when he liked going out more often. The break up is still fresh but is there any possibility he’ll regret his choice and want me back in the future?

  5. Avatar

    Kassie

    July 6, 2017 at 4:32 pm

    My ex and i went through a rough month of back and forth after a few bad arguments.
    I thought we were finally done for good and he ended up apologizing and wanting to get back together, which was what i had been wanting all along.

    He said that we needed to start over completely. But i am trying to figure out what exactly that means, and how to treat the relationship moving forward. This just happened a few days ago, we spent an amazing night together, and now i am just feeling confused. Not sure where to set my expectations, i know that i need to be patient, but also do not want to be too accommodating.

    For example, i have yet to receive a ‘good morning text’ , which before our break up, he never missed a day without and he knows very well means alot to me. I don’t want to say anything about it yet, but is he testing me, being cautious?

    At what point do i stop being patient and understanding, and start making my expectations from our ‘new’ relationship clear?

    Is it normal to feel strange saying ‘I love you’ again? We said it every day before the break up, and were only apart a month.

    What exactly does starting over completely mean?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2017 at 8:08 pm

      That means treatingnit like you have both moved on and just starting out as friends now

  6. Avatar

    Esha

    July 2, 2017 at 4:25 pm

    My ex ended our relationship after my parents refused to accept him, I was chatting with some other guy during a period when we were not doing so well and he came to find out, he ended the relationship then decided to forgive me, my parents have refused for me to get married to him because we are from different communities and somehow my ex went back to that issue of me betraying him, its really hard to communicate with him given that we are from different cities, he has made it very clear that he has forgiven me but he doesn’t want to get back to me, after a period of no communication he started calling again and I thought we were on the verge of fixing our problems but immediately after we got to speak about me and the other guy and my parents refusing he has suddenly gone back to being quiet, he told me that he does not want to get back with me

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2017 at 9:22 pm

      Hi Esha,

      Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  7. Avatar

    Mary

    April 22, 2017 at 12:46 am

    I am really stuck between moving on and trying again. My ex and I dated for a year and 7 months, we really loved each other and he had been wanting to marry me(his idea) since about 11 months into the relationship..He was willing to wait for me to graduate from college… Overall in the relationship I do admit we had arguments way too often (mostly because we think differently), it slowly started escalating 5 months into the relationship and so on. He broke up with me this January, but we only actually stopped talking 1 month ago. The main reason for the break up was all these arguments, he saw that it wasn’t getting ​better..(we did try comprising..But we still fought)… And the night he left me..it was mainly my fault due to my impatience of wanting to fix my wrong doing (had an argument..forgot about what)..That night i was texting and calling him while he tried to sleep (he was angry that I didn’t let him sleep)… But I wasn’t being understanding which I feel bad about. Often, everyone I talked to about this told me to move on. I’d explain my situation and they’d say it sounded like my ex had lots of manipulative and controlling behavior towards me, he’d often cross his arms and stay quiet when he wouldn’t get what he wanted from me. He’d sometimes(rarely) threaten to end the relationship if he didn’t get the things he wanted (such as a child in the future…I felt pressured). This march, He left me confused telling me that if one day were together again it would be great, but to also not hesitate if another guy asks me out and to not limit myself…He then said he will always love me no matter what …(he’d say this often before and after the break up).. he’d kiss me a lot too..And even tried undressing me but I didnt let him do that since he broke up with me. After the break up (back in January) I did all the wrong things, I was needy and forceful towards him, which would anger and reassure him that he wouldn’t take me back. But when he was calm or saw me about to cry he would tell me he still loves me, misses me. Last​ month when we still talked, he wanted to be friends with me, and we tried that out, but it didn’t go so good I was still really miserable that he broke up with me. He would still drive away when I didn’t want him to, I felt like a doormat, I would be there every time he wanted to hang after the break up. But In the end (last time we talked) I told him it would be too hard for me to be friends, and that I need to heal first and that maybe later on we could be friends and he said to let him know when I’m ready. …I really didn’t like how he basically set me up to be the one to contact him first. I’m tired of initiating contact first, I already did the chasing and the pleading. I wish he would come around for once. So basically I applied the NC rule and it has been 1 month. To this day, I still want him back and I miss him and feel lonely (he was the only one I hung out with for a long time..Other friends moved out long time ago), but I keep being told to not go after him and to let him be the one to come to me…I thought that maybe after a month I could try to be his friend, but recently he blocked me on FB. … After a month of NC he blocked me… This tells me I need to back off even more…I start to think that maybe he didn’t like that I recently changed my profile picture from one of he and I to just myself..Maybe he didnt like that it seems like I’m doing fine with out him..If that’s the case then it’s not fair because he changed his picture right after the last day we talked. Now that my NC is done I don’t know what to do…I’m not sure if having more NC will do, I thought I would have an answer but I don’t know if I should try again or not. I believe if I try to talk to him again it would look like I’m being needy since I would almost always talk to him first…I keep being told to leave things alone and that if he comes, then ok. And if he doesn’t then just move along. I really don’t know what to do he confused me so badly because he’d tell me he still loves me yet he’d say we’d never be together again when he was angry, he was hot and cold and left me confused. I feel like he left me with everything to figure out myself as he just lives on his life knowing that I’d contact him since he last said to let him know when I’m ready to be friends…yet he blocked me… He’s so confusing. And super stubborn which makes me think he won’t be the first to initiate contact…. Obviously I still cry thinking I may never see him again. I’m told that if he really really wants to talk to me, he would but he hasn’t. He’s the most stubborn person alive.. he was so angry at me once for making him wait 2 hours but I would call him a lot.i was looking for him. and he wouldn’t answer the phone ..he didn’t answer the phone because I got angry that he was texting other girls (just friends)..while spending time with me (we were hanging out but then he left me and I lost him in the amusement park)..He said if he had only waited 1 hour he would have been ok but since it was 2, he didn’t want to have a good time together anymore (at an amusement park)… That’s just an example of his stubbornness that if his mind is set on not answering me, he won’t, and he didn’t try looking for me at the amusement park….After all this time I just start to miss him more and the good times, like how he would bring me flowers every month, he’d compliment me and spoil me…It was all beautiful except for the constant arguing..It wouldn’t stop…. And I wonder if it’s worth trying again or not. ..I wonder what if we change our bad habits… What if we take this more seriously..I don’t know what to do…He hasn’t shown any effort to this day and I haven’t reached out to him..I have been greiving and trying to do things that make me happy..I don’t know what I’m supposed to do… Mixed signals threw me off

    1. Avatar

      Mary

      April 28, 2017 at 7:54 am

      I do still miss him though. I just wish he would come to me first without me asking him to. My birthday is in less than a month and I really wanted him.. Around…

    2. Avatar

      Mary

      April 28, 2017 at 7:51 am

      Hi amor. After I changed my picture I uploaded a few pictures of the wedding I went to on my trip to Texas and that was it. Nothing more. I feel like I’m barely starting to make improvements I. My life after a month. I guess I needed a whole month to feel better, and now it’s been easier to focus on myself.. But at the same time I feel like I’m giving up hope on him. I don’t find it fair how men can be so stubborn and expect the girl to stress and do all the work.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 24, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      you saod you changed your profile pic.that’s good but how much did you improve in the past month, and how often did you post?

  8. Avatar

    Mary

    April 17, 2017 at 6:56 pm

    I am really stuck between moving on and trying again. My ex and I dated for a year and 7 months, we really loved each other and he had been wanting to marry me(his idea) since about 11 months into the relationship..He was willing to wait for me to graduate from college… Overall in the relationship I do admit we had arguments way too often (mostly because we think differently), it slowly started escalating 5 months into the relationship and so on. He broke up with me this January, but we only actually stopped talking 1 month ago. The main reason for the break up was all these arguments, he saw that it wasn’t getting ​better..(we did try comprising..But we still fought)… And the night he left me..it was mainly my fault due to my impatience of wanting to fix my wrong doing (had an argument..forgot about what)..That night i was texting and calling him while he tried to sleep (he was angry that I didn’t let him sleep)… But I wasn’t being understanding which I feel bad about. Often, everyone I talked to about this told me to move on. I’d explain my situation and they’d say it sounded like my ex had lots of manipulative and controlling behavior towards me, he’d often cross his arms and stay quiet when he wouldn’t get what he wanted from me. He’d sometimes(rarely) threaten to end the relationship if he didn’t get the things he wanted (such as a child in the future…I felt pressured). This march, He left me confused telling me that if one day were together again it would be great, but to also not hesitate if another guy asks me out and to not limit myself…He then said he will always love me no matter what …(he’d say this often before and after the break up).. he’d kiss me a lot too..And even tried undressing me but I didnt let him do that since he broke up with me. After the break up (back in January) I did all the wrong things, I was needy and forceful towards him, which would anger and reassure him that he wouldn’t take me back. But when he was calm or saw me about to cry he would tell me he still loves me, misses me. Last​ month when we still talked, he wanted to be friends with me, and we tried that out, but it didn’t go so good I was still really miserable that he broke up with me. He would still drive away when I didn’t want him to, I felt like a doormat, I would be there every time he wanted to hang after the break up. But In the end (last time we talked) I told him it would be too hard for me to be friends, and that I need to heal first and that maybe later on we could be friends and he said to let him know when I’m ready. …I really didn’t like how he basically set me up to be the one to contact him first. I’m tired of initiating contact first, I already did the chasing and the pleading. I wish he would come around for once. So basically I applied the NC rule and it will be 1 month in 2 days. To this day, I still want him back and I miss him and feel lonely (he was the only one I hung out with for a long time..Other friends moved out long time ago), but I keep being told to not go after him and to let him be the one to come to me…I thought that maybe after a month I could try to be his friend, but recently he blocked me on FB. … After almost a month of NC he blocked me… This tells me I need to back off even more…I start to think that maybe he didn’t like that I recently changed my profile picture from one of he and I to just myself..Maybe he didnt like that it seems like I’m doing fine with out him..If that’s the case then it’s not fair because he changed his picture right after the last day we talked. Now that my NC is done I don’t know what to do, I thought I would have an answer but I don’t know if I should try again or not. I believe if I try to talk to him again it would look like I’m being needy since I would almost always talk to him first…I keep being told to leave things alone and that if he comes, then ok. And if he doesn’t then just move along. I really don’t know what to do he confused me so badly because he’d tell me he still loves me yet he’d say we’d never be together again when he was angry, he was hot and cold and left me confused. I feel like he left me with everything to figure out myself as he just lives on his life knowing that I’d contact him since he last said to let him know when I’m ready to be friends…yet he blocked me… He’s so confusing. And super stubborn which makes me think he won’t be the first to initiate contact…. Obviously I still cry thinking I may never see him again. I’m told that if he really really wants to talk to me, he would but he hasn’t. He’s the most stubborn person alive.. he was so angry at me once for making him wait 2 hours but I would call him a lot.i was looking for him. and he wouldn’t answer the phone ..he didn’t answer the phone because I got angry that he was texting other girls (just friends)..while spending time with me (we were hanging out but then he left me and I lost him in the amusement park)..He said if he had only waited 1 hour he would have been ok but since it was 2, he didn’t want to have a good time together anymore (at an amusement park)… That’s just an example of his stubbornness that if his mind is set on not answering me, he won’t, and he didn’t try looking for me at the amusement park….After all this time I just start to miss him more and the good times, like how he would bring me flowers every month, he’d compliment me and spoil me…It was all beautiful except for the constant arguing..It wouldn’t stop…. And I wonder if it’s worth trying again or not. ..I wonder what if we change our bad habits… What if we take this more seriously..I don’t know what to do…He hasn’t shown any effort to this day and I haven’t reached out to him..I have been greiving and trying to do things that make me happy..I don’t know what I’m supposed to do… Mixed signals threw me off

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 24, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      you saod you changed your profile pic.that’s good but how much did you improve in the past month, and how often did you post?

  9. Avatar

    Hopeful

    March 22, 2017 at 2:36 am

    My (ex)boyfriend broke up with me five days ago. We’d almost been together for a year and a month. Our relationship could be considered long distance in the way that we lived in the same state, but were, at most, two hours away from each other. When he broke up with me, it was in person. We hadn’t seen each other in almost two weeks and he was going to come over, spend the day, and leave next afternoon, which is what we usually do. So when he broke up with me when he arrived, I was blindsided and scrambling to process the situation.

    When we were first dating things were great. There was lots of affection from both parties through text and in person, and he’d try to make it so we could see each other more frequently, even if he had work the next morning. We were expressive about missing each other complimenting each other, etc. He spent a lot of time with his friends and left my house early to hang out with them, but at the time he seemed very invested in the relationship, and I didn’t want to interfere with his pre-existing schedule.

    A few months in there was a two month period of time where stuff happened and we weren’t able to see each other as much. He was stressed and without a car, and I think around this time I felt him begin to withdraw and grow less affectionate towards me through text. It was extremely hard adjusting to that on top of not being able to see him a few weeks at a time, and I think that’s when the silences in our conversations began to get to me, whereas before I was able to brush off not hearing from him for 3-8 hours a bit better. He made several efforts to be more conscious and tell me when he was out with friends/on his way home, but the same thing kept happening so I’d keep bringing it up, and after a while he said that it felt, to him, that his best wasn’t enough. The same situation applies for when we’d be spending time together and he’d be texting his friends. It stopped for a little while the first time I brought it up, it’d start back up, and after a few repeats that was the answer I’d get, that his best wasn’t good enough.

    Eventually we got to a point where affection from him felt hard pressed to come by in text and in person. By then I’d expressed how it felt like his friends were more important than our relationship and one day everything blew up and he proposed a break. I did the exact opposite of what someone should do, and freaked out because no one I’d dated had suggested a break ever. I thought if we took the break, he’d leave for good. We never took the break due to my reaction, and according to him on the day he broke up with me, this is around the time he began to feel pressured to stay. When I initially mentioned my fear that he felt that way (about a month prior) and he didn’t confirm or deny said fear. When I brought that back up the day he broke up with me, he claimed to have no recollection that that ever happened (aka me saying I worried he felt forced to stay, and him not saying anything to deny/confirm that).

    So it’s been five days. He said we can still be friends and still hang out but I’m worried he said that to soften the blow, and that he won’t want to see me anymore because without us dating, there will be less of an incentive to drive all the way here and back. He also said it wasn’t my fault or anything I did (this was a very bad week for him and I didn’t help by clinging when I should have given him space) but that there was too much going on in his life and things weren’t working. He told me there are better people out there for me, and that while I felt like he’d helped me grow so much throughout the entire relationship, it felt to him like he hadn’t changed at all. However, when I asked him if there was no possibility of us getting back together, he said something like, “I don’t know how I’ll be feeling when things get better for me, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.” I worry that’s also another thing he said to not hurt my feelings more, and that he’s going to try to move on and find someone local.

    I’ve been trying to implement NC and have succeeded in not messaging him. Sometimes he’ll like things I post or share on Facebook, but he hasn’t reached out either. It’s just hard letting go and trying to convince myself he cares and that this is hurting him too, because throughout the course of our relationship he never told me he loved me. It felt like his friends came first, and it felt like he became less and less attracted to me. I’m worried I won’t be able to earn his attraction and affection again because of how needy, readily available, and criticizing I came across, but if he doesn’t change and do some growing, I don’t think it’d be a fair relationship for me. I’m worried he won’t reach out at all, but I don’t want to lose him. Please help.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      Hi Hopeful,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  10. Avatar

    Alexis

    February 7, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    Since my ex and i broke up, i had always wanted him back. The break up’s 90% my fault. I came accrosa ex bf recovery pro a few weeks after we broke up. I decided to do the no contact rule. I am almost a month doing the NC when I sudsenly had this doubt if I actually want him back. So now i am confused if i should proceed NC or just stop and move on completely. Is this just a phase?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2017 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Alexis,

      there are a lot that choose to move on instead because when they became more rational, they realized a lot of things that they couldn’t see when were too emotional

  11. Avatar

    Jonathan

    January 5, 2017 at 5:42 pm

    I (26yo) was in a long distance relationship with my ex (28yo with a 5yo child) since April 2014 and ended in December 2016 (I broke with her a few days before Christmas). It was a long distance relationship (she was in NJ and I in NY). We both decided shortly after meeting to go back to school and had our eyes set to the future and we inspired each other. Unfortunately I did not consider applying to schools in NJ and applied only to schools in NY. I had nothing against going to school in NJ it just never struck me to try that and we also hadn’t established a timeline to move in together someday so we were basically going off of pure faith and love, which now I see is not enough, but we were naive and in love, and had never been in a LDR, so we overlooked it. I began school in September 2016 in NY and took out a loan for it so I was basically stuck in NY for the full year of the loan at least, therefore moving to NJ would have been overreaching for me. Because she has a son moving from NJ would be a big sacrifice considering her family helps with the child, so I totally understand that it is I who should’ve made the move.

    Fast forward to around November 2016 she became disillusioned and grew more distant, and we lacked communication but I was so overwhelmed with things on my end (full-time student taking chem, bio, and calculus in one semester; lease was about to be up so I had to begin looking for places to move in NY because I’d still have to at least complete the Spring semester in NY; now I had to deal with an increasingly distant girlfriend), that I don’t think I responded well under all the pressure. Now that school is done, I’ve moved in with my parents to save up money and since we broke up so I didn’t quite need a place for privacy anymore, got a job that works with school well and I can now see that I made a rash decision, because my mind was just saturated. I know she still loves me as much as I love her, maybe more, because I went no contact with her for 2 weeks (beginning of December) and when I couldn’t take it anymore I broke up with her because I truly at that time didn’t know what to do. She responded saying that I had the strength she didn’t have (as in I broke it off and she just wasn’t able to). A week later (right before New Years) I sent her a heartfelt letter extending gratitude and telling her to not give up on her dream and to remember how we inspired each other to follow a path to achieving our career goals, I thanked her for being my soulmate, and I had sent in the envelope a necklace and earrings that were meant to be her Christmas gift and told her to use it as a memento for when times get rough hopefully she’ll remember what we set out to achieve together and that would encourage her. Unfortunately I now see that sending the letter might’ve been too much and might have seemed needy but given I was simply thanking her and wishing her a great future, not begging to come back together, I did not see it as me being needy at the time. I know we are both deeply in love with each other and now that I’ve had more time to think I believe things should’ve been done differently. I’m currently in no contact but what do I do if after a certain period I still want her back and she hasn’t reached out? I was thinking about applying to schools in NJ now just in case if we work things out then we’ll have set plans for me moving over to NJ and continuing school and work there but with her this time.

    I know I’d be willing to make the move to NJ so that’s not a problem, but how do I go about this now? I don’t want to overwhelm her or look too needy and I also want to strengthen myself physically, mentally, and emotionally before we meet so that I’m the same guy she fell head over heels for, and tempered with the experience of the breakup and stronger for us. How do I go about this? I know we both never loved anyone as we loved each other, I’m confident in saying this, but the thought of no contact for a long time makes me feel uneasy.

    Feel free to ask questions that I might not have answered on here. Any ideas?

    1. Avatar

      Jonathan

      January 8, 2017 at 5:22 pm

      Also, when she became distant I realize now that I became pretty needy for a little while (2ish weeks) but when I saw no reciprocation I slowly began to distance myself too until I went no contact for 2 weeks then broke it off. Did that period of neediness ruin my chances? Because of my acting needy before I broke it off I don’t know if me breaking NC is the right the thing to do. Thoughts? Btw, thank you so much, I appreciate all the advice.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 10:35 pm

      yes, be active in posting..that’s your only way of indirectly showing your improvements.. and it would be better if you finish nc and just focus in yourself.. what’s done is done..dont worry about that because it wont help

    3. Avatar

      Jonathan

      January 8, 2017 at 5:14 pm

      Hi Amor! I’ll do that. I started taking guitar lessons, found myself a job, have been hanging out and meeting new people, and will be back in school full-time in 2 weeks. I basically filled up all of the time I had reserved for the relationship (traveling to NJ to see her) My question now is, how will she know I’m improving myself and meeting new people? Is posting these things on Facebook and Instagram, for example, a good idea? I don’t want her to think that I’m simply trying to get her jealous by posting how great my life is now and letting her see that I’m not just sitting around at home sobbing. It’s also been over 2 weeks since we broke up (1 week since I sent the letter) so I don’t know if it’s still too early to post things on social media.

    4. Avatar

      Jonathan

      January 5, 2017 at 5:44 pm

      Sorry I accidentally double-posted. My apologies!

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 7, 2017 at 5:16 am

      Hi Jonathan,

      that’s ok. I think you should do it one step at a time. Get your life balance back during nc. Maintain it after nc while building rapport slowly with her through text. IF you get back together, then that’s when you think about moving there.

  12. Avatar

    Unknown

    January 3, 2017 at 5:03 pm

    I need serious help or advice. I am currently lost and confused and do not know where to start or to turn to. My ex of one year has currently broken up with me again. He is confusing and can come across as miss leading. He told me that he loves me but he does not want to be with me. It makes it harder because we both work together as well. He told me that he wants to focus on himself and fix who he is before he can be in a serious relationship. He says in order for him to commit to me that he needs to change who he is. However, he keeps saying we should be friends and talk occasionally. Each time we have tried to do that it has never worked that way and then I end up feeling hurt and he constantly ignores me and makes it even worse. I’m not going to be one of those girls who lies to myself and thinks this time will be different and he will come running back to me. I am not trying to make my world revolve around that. I know what we need to work on and what went wrong. The problem is, I feel that those issues are fixable and we do have great chemistry and could have seen it being forever. I don’t know where to start or how to heal. I did delete his number and I have removed myself from all social media. I need advice on how to make our work life easier and to know if I should give up forever?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2017 at 2:54 pm

  13. Avatar

    Samantha

    January 3, 2017 at 1:27 pm

    My fiance left because I’m being dragged into family court. I get he’s worried he will be too but he’s implementing the NC rule. Until such time as it’s all over. Worse thing is we are planning a wedding and I’m 8 weeks pregnant. Family court can take a very long time. I’m so scared I’m going to lose him forever. When he walked out the door his last words to me were “I really hope I get that call”. That was it. “The call” he is talking about is me calling him to tell him court is over. My parents went through it for 9 years. Does that mean if it takes the same for me I can’t have contact for 9 years? Yes done it out of fear of court I get that but it’s a really rash decision but one I also understand. We both want the same things out of a life together and we’ve been really happy until this. One fight in 4 years and that was 18 months ago because my daughters (7 at the time) father wanted to see her for her birthday (abandoned her before she was born and never met her) and we said no and it caused a fight between us because my ex is very manipulative and I wanted to give in but my fiance was standing his ground. He is the only father Melony has ever known and I’m pregnant with our own child. I have no family and friends (ex manipulating) so I don’t have a support network. Please I need some help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2017 at 2:44 pm

      HI Sam,

      Sorry, this might seem stupid but I’m not familiar with you situation. Why does he want you to go to family court?

  14. Avatar

    Tiff Smith

    December 30, 2016 at 6:41 am

    Hi there ,
    my boyfriend and I dated for a year and then did long distance for one year while i was in my first year university. The summer before I went into my second year of university, we had a big talk about if we should break up or not. His reasoning was that he felt like i didn’t go out with friends enough, and thought he was holding me back. He had more life commitments as well, so we would also both be busier in each of our lives. I wanted to try to make things work and explained to him that he could never hold me back (i have a very outgoing personality). He ultimately made the decision to break things off with me. We went out for supper and talked about how we still wanted to stay in contact and be friends with each other. After we broke up, the rest of the summer felt almost like we were still dating but without the title, because i feel like we still wanted each other. At the beginning of my first semester of second year we were doing well with staying in contact with each other, but near the end of the semester we were barely talking. Starting in the summer when we broke up, I was having such a hard time getting over him, and thought that going back to school would help me. At school i tried getting with other guys to get over him, but at the end of the day he was still the one on my mind. I met this one guy, where we decided on being friends with benefits, and it was going really well until I caught feelings for him. I told him about me catching feelings for him, and it was mutual. He started taking me out on dates, we studied together, and we always had a lot of fun together. When i am with him, I don’t think about my ex at all. I have recently came home for my christmas break and my ex and i were talking (as we wanted to stay friends) and he asked me if i was seeing anyone. When I told him yes, he didn’t act out in anger, but I can tell that he is very hurt and upset by this. He followed by telling me how head over heels he is with me, and how he can’t stop thinking about me no matter how much he tries. Now i don’t know if he is acting like this because he thought when i came home from school we would be able to act like we did in the summer (like we were dating, but without the title), or if he is acting like this because he regrets breaking up and wants me back, or if he is just upset that i have move on and he hasn’t. Now my question is this: what do I do?
    I do not want to hurt the new guy i have been seeing because i love spending time with him. But by my ex saying all of this It brings back many many feelings and makes me question if i am truly over him. Do I try to get back with my ex and have a long distance relationship. Or do i stay with the guy who has been nothing but kind to me and fun to be around.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 3:04 pm

      Hi Tiff,

      be truthful to yourself and be ready to face the consequnce of your choice..but bottomline is, you have to choose. You cant keep talking to them both and you have to make that decision alone to be responsible for it..

  15. Avatar

    Clara jozefa

    December 25, 2016 at 2:35 am

    Hi
    Me and my boyfriend of over two years broke up just over two months ago. We decided to do long distance at uni and after ages of saying he was good with it he hit a funky patch and started being a pretty mean boyfriend. He was incredibly distant and confusing, didn’t open up, broke up with me once before asking for me back the next day and just in general not great. we sort of got through this before leaving for uni and then I went to visit him one weekend. We had the most incredibly perfect weekend but at the end I told him I had been feeling a little jealous. I said it wasn’t a big deal but I think because we’d been a bit rocky and I didn’t know the girls he was getting to know it was making me a little insecure, it wasn’t a big deal but I thought he should know and I’d try and work on it. For the next week he was very distant, never said I loved you or showed interest in me sexually and by the end of that week he kissed his best female friend from uni when drunk at a party. He pushed her away (after kissing for a while) and went home, told me the next day and we broke up. For these past two months obviously I’ve felt bad but I’ve been getting better. Now we’re home for Christmas and been seeing him and he keeps on fully breaking down, crying and shaking telling me he’s so sorry he messed it up and he loves me, he hasn’t got with anyone since and has no interest in it etc. More importantly he’s said he understands what he did and how stupid it was and that if there is any hope left that he wants to fight for it but if there isn’t he will respect my opinion and leave me alone. He has been acting different like texting more and quickly and being so much
    More attentive but there are so many obstacles now. My family aren’t too keen on him, I can’t be sure his behaviour will change long term and obviously trust. I have no idea what to do because I still love him. I was considering remaining friends for a while and taking it slow but there is a part of me now scared of the long term commitment when I wasn’t before, I always though we’d just be together until we weren’t happy and not put too much pressure on it. I really can’t tell what to do

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2016 at 2:23 pm

      Hi Clara,

      give him a chance.. let him prove of he’s really serious or not, if not, then move on..

  16. Avatar

    Carter

    November 29, 2016 at 6:24 am

    Hi,
    I need advice/help. The guy I was dating ( for 4 years) transferred to my college to be with me and promptly broke up with me within a month. ( this was a year ago now and im not over it) We were both about to turn 21 and overall had a very happy relationship. Things were tough when he first moved to my school as he was pledging a fraternity and overall just adjustments, but I would never say it was horrible. We fought more than we had ever in that month but not even to the existent where i would use the word “bad” just not as good as normal. He told me he wasn’ sure he loved me anymore. But he told al his friends he just wanted a “real” college experience. Aka he wanted to be a frat boy. i still love him and i think he knows that. we briefly started talking again this year but he wouldn’t be exclusive as he kept ssaying he didn’t want a relationship becuase he was having to much fun. Do you have any advice on how i can get over him , or ways that will make him realize he messed up and make him want a relationship

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2016 at 8:11 pm

      Hi Carter,

      check this one:
      The Ungettable Girl

  17. Avatar

    Sarah

    October 23, 2016 at 5:17 am

    Hi, I was hoping to get some help with what to do in regards to my relationship with my now ex boyfriend. We had a fight last night while he was away at a friend’s place which was mainly caused by me not telling him what had been happening with my family/me emotions. I didn’t want to tell him everything while he was meant to be having a good time with people he hadn’t seen in a while. We both said things we didn’t mean and what he said really hurt me and I told him not to talk to me for a while. He contacted me this morning and called to say he was breaking up with me because he’s tried everything he could to help me and he feels like it’s not good enough/I through it back in his face. I’ve got depression and anxiety and live with my abusive family and I really struggle with it all and it was affecting our relationship. He said he still loves me and probably always will but for the time being he can’t be with me. He told me he doesn’t want to never see me again and he wants to be there for me and he hopes that one day we can get back together (I’m assuming when I’m stronger and able to find a more healthy outlet for the negative emotions I feel almost constantly). I don’t know what to do as far as contact with him. I don’t know if I should just wait until he tries to talk to me again or if I should have no contact for a month as I’ve seen stated in this article. It’s all feeling surreal and I don’t think I’ve processed us breaking up at all because a couple of days ago things were great and about a week ago we put a lot of effort into a “proper” date for our anniversary and now everything has ended basically overnight. I really need someone to tell me what to do in regards to him while I figure out how to get better so I don’t keep hurting people around me

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2016 at 9:27 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      give it a week to cool off.. if he still has the same decision, start the count for the no contact rule after that and whether he changes his mind or not, focus in improving yourself

  18. Avatar

    Pinktie

    October 23, 2016 at 12:00 am

    My bf and i broke up over 2weeks ago. We are living together for 13years. He keeps saying that he wants to focus his time and himself with his parents(having financial crisis right now). He said that his goals and priorities have changed. He was tired of arguing,he was not happy.he keeps on saying that he is not the best person for me that he cannot give all that i want eventhough im not asking for anything..he keeps on pushing me away telling that i can find another man worth it of me..i really cried for him and keep on begging him that we can talk about it and fix it but he says that the past and problems are done we dont need to talk about it again and again.all he wanted right now is to really break up with me. I really acted so needy coz i really dont want us to break the relationship that i really want him in jy life after all those years….Though this scenario happende also last april,july we fight we argue and get fix..he always told me that we should end this but im begging him again crying so hard and then after a.moment he will be the one to tell me that im sorry this is not really what he want that he dont want to loose me that he loves me…then everything will be ok again..last sept 19 this happens again..we come to apoint that we finally agreed to end the relationship..then the following day again..he was the one who cried saying sorry will i give him another chance to come back that he will do his best again for me etc etc..then the worst case scenario happend last october 8 i found out that he is communicating with his officemate who is 10years youger than ours (in a 1year realtionship with her bf).he told me that he fell in love with the girl because she appreciated him she believes in his strenghts and character.after i knew it the girl confess to his bf about them and they were ok. he knows its impossible to have a relationship with her because she has a bf.he texted me the following day if we can talk.he told me he talked to the girl and they both decided to end things.but then he told me that he really wanted me to let him go so that he wont hurt me again,he is not the best man for me,he cannot give me evrything that iwant though i never ask for more..that i deserve someone better than him.after all of this scenario and arguments fights challenges and problems.i still want ck in my life and im willing to do everything to be with him.what advice can you give me..will the no contact rule can help us or him to still fix the realtionship? Is there a chance that this will get fix.Thank you

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      Hi Pinktie,

      I answered your earlier comments.. and since I saw you commented on my recommended article, the grass is greener syndrome, what do you think about the advice there?

  19. Avatar

    Coleta

    October 17, 2016 at 1:28 pm

    Hi,
    I’ve been in a relationship with someone for approximately 5 years. He broke up with me once after being together approximately 6 months saying that I was taking things too seriously, however in reality he had met someone else and decided to end it. Without knowing, I did all the right things, almost 3 months NC, eventually I reached out to him to tell him how much he’d hurt me, but that I was over it, over him (at the time I was actually dating someone else). He showed a lot of remorse, apologised for his behaviour and we began a truly amazing friendship. Now I need to explain that this guy and I get along beyond well, we have the same interests, sane sense of humour, essentially we are really good friends. With time we became involved again, I broke up with the person I was seeing and for the past years we have been great, on my part at least everything’s been fine. The only thing is, we never really defined the relationship and I never really ask for a commitment on his part. I was committed and I thought he was too. Exactly one month ago he told me that he met someone else and is dating. I was shocked beyond belief, devastated because we were as we have always been, everything was fine, there were no arguments, nothing. We were fine. And then that happened. We spoke and I was emotional, I didn’t accuse him, there was no arguing, I tried to be understanding, but I was really hurt, we parted and he said that he has feelings for me, but right now the feelings for the other person are stronger. We parted and I didn’t contact him for 2 weeks, he tried to contact me but I wasn’t prepared to reply, I’m in control of my emotions now and capable of keeping some form of communication, which I have done, but the conversation is somewhat stifled and although I’m being normal, he’s kind of cold towards me, which I don’t understand. My issue is: I want him back, but I have no idea what to do, I’ve read so much of this site, all about the NC and re attracting him but I don’t know where to start because we really should be getting along. He left me, I accepted it, because I have to, but he’s the one who’s s strange. On our communications I’ve not asked him to get back together, have not been needy or clingy, just a normal friend, have not even mentioned the breakup. I want him back not because I need him, I’m aware I don’t, I want him back because what we have is so special and I know that if I can do it, I’ll need to get him to commit before anything intimate happens, but right now because he’s being so distant I don’t know what to do. What can I do? Thank you

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 18, 2016 at 4:57 pm

      Hi Coleta,

      I think it’s too soon to talk to him again..try yo restart nc. do one month before initiating again

  20. Avatar

    Celeste

    October 9, 2016 at 11:06 am

    Hi,
    So my boyfriend of 3 and a half years just broke up with me.
    He said that he’s changed too much and has fallen out of love with me.
    But when he was having these feelings he never said anything. Never gave me the chance to fight for us, to work it out.
    He’s not the only one that’s changed, I have too. But I have always thought to myself is this relationship right, and my conclusion was always yes.
    I just dont understand how he could go from planning the rest of our lives together to nothing.
    I want him back, we just click and are always wanting the same things.
    I just need some help with what to do

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2016 at 11:02 pm

      Hi Celeste,

      so he grew out of the relationship? Do you want to try what’s advised in the last article you posted?

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