Having a legitimate reason for getting back together with your boyfriend is very important. In fact, I am going to be bold here and state that if you do not have a legitimate reason for reuniting, I cannot help you. Why? Because without a truly legitimate reason you are dooming yourself to fail. Sure, you may be able to get back with him using some of the tactics I teach here. Sure, it may be great for a few months but almost always relationships built on an un-legitimate reasons of reuniting will fail. I don’t know about you but I would rather help a couple get back together that lasts as compared to one that doesn’t.
So, while this page may seem insignificant to some I urge you to take the opposite view and realize that before you take any major step to getting back with him you are going to need to do some serious soul searching and come up with one legit reason for getting back together.
(Don’t worry, I created this page to show you examples of bad reasons and good reasons for getting back with an ex.)
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizTread With Caution
Generally, if you have read my strategy for getting an ex back, I am very adamant about implementing a no contact rule before you take any step towards getting back with your ex. However, since this page is only focusing on the reasons you have for getting back with an ex I am not going to recommend the no contact rule. Why? Because, every single thing I talk about from this point on should be done BEFORE the no contact period. Think of this like a pre-test before the real test. You need to have at least one legitimate reason for getting back together with your ex before you can move on. That is your goal here.
Define “Legitimate”
Alright, before I can start listing reasons we need to define what I am talking about when I say “legitimate.” Having a good reason for getting back with an ex isn’t always easy to define. Each situation is different and will be unique. However, there are certain guidelines that you can look at to determine if you are on the right track with your reasoning.
Guideline 1: Any reason stemming from desperation or loneliness is NOT a good reason.
Guideline 2: A truly legit reason for getting back together will have substance to it and can be explained in depth.
Let’s take a look at some examples of really bad reasons that women tell themselves every day for wanting to get back with their ex boyfriends.
Bad Reasons For Getting Back Together
- I will die without him.
- My whole life revolved around him.
- I will never find anyone as good as him ever again.
- It will be different next time.
Notice how every single one of these reasons aren’t really reasons at all. Well, I suppose they are, technically, but not the type we are looking for. Certainly they are not the type that are required for you to have successful relationship the second time around. Let’s dissect why these reasons are horrible.
I will die without him.
Will you really? I didn’t realize that someone breaking up with you could physically kill you. I mean, I suppose a couple who has been together for a really long time that suddenly has someone pass away can kill someone from heart break but come on, that is a really rare case.
My whole life revolved around him.
I can guarantee you that your whole existence does not revolve around your ex. This is desperation at it’s finest. The “I don’t know how I can live without him” excuse. The fact of the matter is that you can have a very happy life that doesn’t revolve around someone else.
I will never find anyone as good as him ever again.
I really don’t like this reason for a lot of…. reasons haha. First off, how do you know that you won’t ever find someone as good as him again? Secondly, you are basically admitting here that your ex is the best you will ever have in the boyfriend department. What if he was a horrible boyfriend? By using this reason you are settling for the easy way out.
It will be different next time.
You can become the perfect girlfriend, the perfect wife, the perfect (fill in the blank) but you have to remember that relationships are a two way street. There are two of you and you can’t be the only one that puts in the proper amount of effort.
Good Reasons For Getting Back Together
- The breakup was a rash decision.
- You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
- Both of you want the same things out of a life together.
I would say that the reasons listed above are excellent reasons for getting back together. Some of you may think certain points are controversial but don’t worry. I am going to go through each reason and give you why I consider these good legitimate reasons for getting back with an ex boyfriend.
The breakup was a rash decision.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSometimes couples break up for impulsive reasons. This is a good reason for getting back together if the impulsive decision to break up came from a specific problem that doesn’t span throughout your entire relationship. You may have even tried to work on this problem but were unsuccessful. In this case it may be worth trying the relationship again.
You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
I am not expecting you to have had a perfect relationship. Every real couple has had a fight. It is no secret that fights really suck. Lets imagine for a moment that a couple who got along really well throughout their entire relationship had a huge fight and broke up. Both of them were really happy in their relationship but they just had a huge fight that temporarily changed their relationship status. It is important to remember that no relationship is perfect. Each one has it’s ups and downs and if you or your ex threw your relationship out the window over one bad experience then you have a legitimate claim for wanting them back.
Both of you want the same things out of a life together.
If you want the same things out of life together then that is a really good thing. Don’t let his bad qualities overshadow this. He may be worth getting back together with!
Pearl
October 5, 2020 at 10:08 am
My ex and I met in 2019-12-19 we were both happy it was long distance relationship but I wouldn’t mind traveling to see him,the time we met after few days I did told him about my rape cause I couldn’t kept it for such a long time ever since I was started being moody sometimes he touches me cause the minute he does that I kept pushing his hand,,,,my boyfriend had trust issues cause he couldn’t trust me when I’m telling him that I’m staying alone and he can call me anytime he wish to,he started calling me with names that breaks my heart…how I couldn’t bare children and many things but I kept on loving and supporting him with everything, one day I decided to sleep at work cause I was saving transport money like other employees, then he called around 9pm he couldn’t reach me because of network,I saw his missed calls in the morning then sent him callbacks he called and said “you know what I’m tired of this” I replied and said” what do you mean actually cause I told you that I’m weekend in so I will sleep at work”?he hung up his phone and blocked me from Facebook, WhatsApp&calls its been 3 months now and I’m trying to heal but though I always cry at night whenever I see my phone rings I think its him….
Nicole
March 3, 2020 at 9:29 am
I was dating my incredible ex for two months. From the moment we met we were inseparable, honestly we were disgustingly “goals”. Everything was incredible through the honeymoon phase (as it is), but by the second month I started to feel my insecurities, I was self conscious, slightly controlling, and would get on the defensive any time he would come to me with an issue or have a different opinion than me, and I began to create discussions over everything. He is not one for conflict or confrontation and I know that most of these issues were on me. We said we loved eachother only a few days before we got into our final argument and he made the “rash decision” right there that he can’t do this anymore.
Of course I did the usual pleading for the first day, then there was some radio silence from his end although we did speak cordially. We had a “closure” talk a week into the breakup where I expressed where I felt I went wrong and what I learned in order to grow. I did not beg for him back though I did ask why we couldn’t work on things and he said “because I don’t want too. Something that’s supposed to be good for me shouldn’t be this difficult. Getting back together isn’t an option for me”. I went radio silent on him for a week, but we go to the same school so we run into eachother occasionally. Then we started talking and have been talking for two weeks – joking like old times, even talking about our sex lives from when we were together, and I made sure not to badger him. He even gets curious about my dating life sometimes. It was going well until I recently asked him if we could be friends and he said no and became very defensive when I wanted to know why. He can’t be my friend because feelings will become involved. Essentially he is trying to protect his heart from feeling for me in any way/doesn’t want to get confused because he’s so sure of us not being right for eachother. What the heck do I do?? I’ve never had this type of situation before where the guy who broke up with me still obviously has feelings for me in some way but deeply believes we can’t be together.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 13, 2020 at 12:13 am
Hi Nicole, so when someone believes that your relationship wont work for whatever reason I would suggest looking at those reason and think what you can do to change your exes perspective of you and those reasons. If you know that it is out of your control the other option you have is to work on the Ungettable girl information so that your ex feels that you are the best person he is going to ever meet in a romantic way and makes him want to give the relationship a chance
Anna
January 27, 2020 at 7:23 pm
Hi my boyfriend of a little over 3 months just broke up with me yesterday morning completely out of the blue. Like we were fine all weekend up until Sunday night when his mates came over and I was just tired and heat stricken and sunburnt and I made the very poor decision to get drunk. A few of my friends that were looking after me and were sober said I did nothing to my boyfriend or his high school friends I was just running around and having a good time. Then I ended up going home with his mum and having a shower going to bed for a little and sobering up. I didn’t see my boyfriend for the rest of the night he didn’t come to bed he slept in a separate room. I woke up the next morning and felt terrible cause I knew he was mad because he didn’t come to bed. When I tried talking to him and apologising for what I had done he just blew me off. He wouldn’t even look at me then out of nowhere he said I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore. I pleaded with him to just let me explain but he just ignored it and then told me that I made a mess of myself in front off his friends. I was ready for this and I already felt bad enough and I told him that I would call all of his friends and personally apologise and I’d give up any form of alcohol. He then just told me that after that weekend he didn’t love me anymore. Which I struggle to believe because we were absolutely fine the days before even that Sunday morning. I’m just so hurt because that was our first fight and he wasn’t even willing to talk to me about why he was upset he just shut off and it’s as if he was a completely different person.
I just need one chance to prove to him that one fight shouldn’t be the be all and end all of us. But I also need him to realise that he should give me a second chance because 2 days before we were head over heels in love with each other.
Amanda
January 15, 2020 at 8:20 pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two months but I liked him before like 2 months before that, he really is my soulmate, I can understand him even if he doesn’t say anything and he does for me too, we’re so similar in almost everything that sometimes we just know what the other person is feeling or going to say before they even said it, I fell for him really hard, and it hurts so much to be away from him, whilst we were friends he told me he’s going abroad for a year for a job opportunity and we were not planning to be anything more than friends until he came back but our feelings for each other was so intense that we were willing to try long distance relationship, when I first spoke to him I was overly honest with him and would tell him about things that I was ashamed of to scare him away but he accepted my flaws which was one of the things that made me catch feelings for him, when I did I started getting paranoid and would watch over what I told him and wouldn’t tell him the full truths and lied about certain things from my past because I didn’t want to risk losing him and felt like he knew so much and I felt quite ashamed, one week before he was going to travel my lied caught up to me and I told him almost everything and he ended things I couldn’t give up on him, I usually have a huge ego and wall that no one can get through which helps me not feel remorse when cutting people out of my life but he managed to break my walls I saw parts of myself in him and I let him enter my heart, and I couldn’t give up I tried everything and stepped on my pride and eventually he gave me a chance, during the long distance relationship on a phone call he asked me a question regarding my past, and I was worried he would judge me for it so I lied to him but almost instantly told him the truth after I had swore that I was being truthful, then I opened up to him about all the things I hid from him or lied about during our relationship and he ended it and wouldn’t answer my calls and messages and after a day and a half he answered my call but he was so cold and didn’t want anything to do with me and said he doesn’t see himself being with me anymore
I really love him and I can’t give up on him, I’m certain he is my soulmate and I feel so terrible for lying to him and how can I get him back please help
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 18, 2020 at 6:37 pm
Hi Amanda, following the program and working on yourself during that time is going to give you, your best chance
Bella
January 2, 2020 at 7:16 pm
My boyfriend and i have know each other for a year and only started dating 3months ago.
My boyfriend of 3months recently broke up wit me over an heated argument..
We both yelled at each other and didn’t talk throughout the night.when i woke up the next morning, i got tired of the silent treatment between us so i tried to talk to him but he wasn’t having any of it.. i tried playing with him and i pushed him a little too much to the point that he hit me. He was sober about it but i was deeply hurt.
I moved away from his house, blocked him on WhatsApp for a few days, only a few days because I couldn’t take it. We had good dreams for the future and we shared common goal!. He supports me in everything i do and he motivates me to do more, on days i feel down he does all he can to pull me back up.
After 3days of not hearing from him, i sent a message and he replied saying how much he missed me. We planned on going to the beach the next day and he promised to come pick me up. At the dying minute he said he couldn’t make it because he had to meet up
With someone so it is either we meet at the beach or i come over to his place the next day. I got angry that he choose someone over me giving the fact that we only just reconciled.few minutes later he buzzed me saying he was heading over to my house I replied saying i was not home and i was not interested in the outing anymore. Since then, he has been acting funny and talking about thinking things through in the relationship!!
Just yesterday he told me he couldn’t continue with the relationship, he was sorry and loved me dearly but he can’t get past the whole temper and violence that happened weeks before. He can’t guarantee what will happen next because he comes from a home where his father beats his mum and he thought it was a normal thing. Hitting me brought back memories and he doesn’t want to be that man so it is best we are separated.
I am seriously heartbroken by all of this because i never intended for things to go extremely south between us. I actually pushed him to that point.. i wish i handled things better!
How can i make him realize that it wasn’t his fault and I never intended for things to turn this bad..
How can i get him back or make him realize that he made a rash decision
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 3, 2020 at 1:26 am
Hey Bella, start off by doing a No Contact and spending some time to focus on yourself and showing him what hes missed out on by making that decision to end things, giving it space is going to allow him time to calm down and think about the positives of having you in his life. And at the end of your 30 days no contact you can reach out to him as a friend and have a civil conversation asking for advice on something you know he would want to talk about
burger
December 23, 2019 at 1:00 am
I was dating him for a week. I know this sounds bad but I liked him for months and we have literally EVERYTHING in common. we like the same music, movies, foods, everything. we also have the same opinion on many things. he’s two years older than me. I broke up with him because the first day I started dating him, I lost feelings suddenly. then I decided to give it a week to see how I ended up feeling. I started to regain my feelings for him more and more but I didn’t want to like him. I liked him a lot but he would’ve been an embarrassment. I know that sounds shallow but i’ve thought about it and now I realize I like him more than I care about other peoples opinions. he has been through bad breakups before and one girl even used him for his money and publicity. I have been using the no contact rule for about a month. any advice?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 23, 2019 at 3:09 pm
As its been a month reach out and try to be his friend for a while to re attract him
K
November 19, 2019 at 3:12 am
Hi,
I hope you can help me.
Me & My boyfriend just broke up few days ago. We’re together for almost 2years, but on that 2yrs we were on a LDR. Before that LDR happened, we’re together as in everyday. Because we’re on same company, we have same habits, we love to see each other everyday, like we have our own world. We always go on a check in every week. And when we were on 9mos of LDR he’s changing a little bit. Because he don’t have much time for me because he already have new job which phones are not allowed on duty and he has 10-11hrs duty which is very different from our previous job we only have 6hrs duty and not to hectic work. He’s getting cold everyday. But I don’t think there is a third party, because he is not like that, and I have all of his social media accounts. And he don’t have load on his sim card for sms/calls. On our 10months of relationship in LDR. He asked me for a space & time. But I didn’t give him. And then last 2weeks ago I get back here in our country I surprised he, he didn’t know that I was already here in our country. Then when we met I hugged him so tight and he does too. I asked him why he’s not chatting me anymore, he’s chatting me but it’s like casual only no more i Love u and I miss you.
After we met he’s updating me again about his life. But after 2weeks we met, and now he’s saying He don’t want anymore, he said we cannot go back anymore from what we have before. He said he, he thought he can do it in LDR but he cannot. I told him I can stay here so we cannot have LDR. But he don’t want that, he don’t want him to be the reason for me not to go back in the other country.
I know and I feel that he loves me, but he’s trying to push me away because I’m already here but I will leave again after few months.
After that night we broke up, he deleted all our photos in instagram and he deactivated his facebook. Only his messenger is on. But he archive my chat. I can still open his social media accounts.
What to do? How can I make him back?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 23, 2019 at 10:39 pm
Hi K, first of all you can not make him take you back. But what you can do is follow the program and do the work that is required to become Ungettable and from there you are giving yourself your best chance of getting him back but nothing is certain so while you are doing this to get your ex back, doing work on your holy trinity will help you become truly happy in your life at the same time. Make sure you are reading about how to deal with long distance break up to help you along with the process
Allie
November 14, 2019 at 2:54 pm
I lied to my boyfriend a lot of times and he always forgives me. The last time I lied, he totally broke up with me. I love him so much and I am sorry that I always lie to him. He said he won’t deny that he likes me, but he won’t forget my deception. I don’t want to lose him and I’m regretting all the deception I made. I want him back but he said he doesn’t love me anymore and he hates me. I don’t know what to do. I’m really burnout. I just want to get him back. I asked for forgiveness a lot of times and I told him that I’m really eager to prove my sincerity , but he doesn’t want to give me another chance. I really love him and everytime I’m thinking about the moments we shared together , I’m breaking down. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 14, 2019 at 10:33 pm
Hi Allie, so you need to take a moment and look at why you are lying to your ex, or to anyone for that matter. As for your ex you have broken his trust a few times so this is where you would want to read about “gaining exes trust back” Starting with No Contact for him to be less angry and upset with you and for you to do some work on yourself because there would be an underlying reason why you feel to lie to someone all the time
Allie
May 12, 2019 at 5:35 am
I was so happy with my ex and one day he just lost feelings and I really love him so much we are still friends but I want more than that what should I do?
Megan
April 3, 2019 at 4:18 pm
My boyfriend and I of a year are in a very bad place. I don’t know if we are on a break or breaking up or what. Things have not been good for a while. I knew something was wrong but I honestly had no idea what the issue was. I had kept begging him to talk and he wouldn’t say anything. He just shut down. He’d say something about my attitude or something random. So obviously thing just kept getting worse, he pretty much checked out, even though I kept asking him to talk. I kept trying everything i could to address what i thought was wrong. Then of course I kept getting upset and loosing my patience till finally it just all exploded over something stupid. He told me he checked out a while ago, that he wasn’t happy and that he didn’t know if he just wanted a break or a break up. I finally got him to open up and tell me what the real issue was, and it all came down to something I didn’t realize was happening. I was blindsided. I told him that how was i supposed to know this reason was an issue if you didn’t talk to me. That if you had, no matter how hard, we wouldn’t be were we are at. This has all been through texts as well. He hasn’t wanted to meet up to talk or anything. I get he needs time to calm down and think. I understand things take time and nothing with change or happen overnight, but we need to meet up just to talk. That’s all i’m looking for at this point is to have that chance.
Pam
December 30, 2018 at 7:54 pm
My boyfriend and I were together for 6 years 11 months. He broke up with me exactly 1 month before our 7th anniversary. This year was so hard for both of us, I started a new job that involved a lot of work, intense homework, trainings and a lot of travel. We worked through it all, we had our ups and downs but he was always there for me. In October, I found out I would be placed 130 miles away from him, I remember crying thinking my life was over but he said we would work it out in the long term because he wanted to be with me forever. Well I went away for a work training on December 11, came back the next day and he ended it. He has been texting my brother’s ex’s best friend for the last two months and she basically convinced him that he was unhappy and to end it with me. she ended it with her long term boyfriend 3 days after mine.
I wasn’t expecting it, I love him to death and honeslty was planning a future with him. I don’t understand how he could listen to someone 6 years younger than him and take her advice. Why would he reach out to her and not me. I tried to contact him, did not end well he told me there was no feelings anymore, no spark and that he was done….and for me to leave him alone. I just want him to come back into my life. I truly am losing my best friend. I want him back but am unsure how to go about doing this. I am going to try the no contact rule for awhile….any advice?
Chris Seiter
December 30, 2018 at 11:06 pm
Hi Pam!
I do think NC is a good path for you, but make sure you use that time for your own healing and recovery. I talk about that in great detail in my Program. Visit my home page to tap into all my resources!
Anyon
December 8, 2018 at 10:32 pm
My boyfriend and I dated for 10.5 months and it was pure bliss. We had our hiccups, but were always able to move past our issues up until recently. Last month, I always complained and had to sit him down several times about the fact he only wanted to do three things:
1. Smoke and hangout with his friends all day long, and not make contact with me until 2-4am
2. Never kept me in the loop of things and occasionally would stand me up, and leave me waiting on him for hours on end. Sometimes even without an apology.
3. His family expects me to fix him.
I tried my best to not nag him, but it kind of happened. One night, we decieded to drop all of our problems and go on a dinner date. Later that night, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. (We were also super intoxicated during this fight). I told him that I was coming over to “fix” our relationship, and he told me to not come over. I did anyways, and told him to talk to me. One thing lead to another and we got into a huge fight and he ended it in the heat of the moment. I pushed him, he grabbed me and our friends had to pull us apart. He put my stuff in a bag (not all of it just some) and his friends gave me a ride home and told me to give him space. I understand I played apart, but I wish he would realize that he made a mistake. We were so in love, I would look into his eyes and feel not just at home, but safe. We haven’t talked in a week. I sent him texts saying that I love him and that our relationship was amazing, but after awhile I just left him alone. He deleted our photos off Instagram, but I still have his location, and all his social media followings. He told his parents and his close friends. What can I do from here on out. I want him back, I miss my lover, I miss my goof and I want him back. Any advise for this woman?
Chris Seiter
December 9, 2018 at 2:11 am
Hi Anyon!
Ummm, I know his behavior hurts. I think your should consider embracing a no contact period. Many elements to that whole process. Visit my home page and you will find a great deal of info on the topic!
Anonymous
December 2, 2018 at 9:32 pm
My boyfriend of almost two years recently broke up with me because he is graduating college this year and I am not. He says that he doesn’t know what he wants from life yet and cannot fully commit to me until he does (if I even am what he wants). Aside from this we also had other issues. He would get annoyed that I liked staying in more when he liked going out more often. The break up is still fresh but is there any possibility he’ll regret his choice and want me back in the future?
Kassie
July 6, 2017 at 4:32 pm
My ex and i went through a rough month of back and forth after a few bad arguments.
I thought we were finally done for good and he ended up apologizing and wanting to get back together, which was what i had been wanting all along.
He said that we needed to start over completely. But i am trying to figure out what exactly that means, and how to treat the relationship moving forward. This just happened a few days ago, we spent an amazing night together, and now i am just feeling confused. Not sure where to set my expectations, i know that i need to be patient, but also do not want to be too accommodating.
For example, i have yet to receive a ‘good morning text’ , which before our break up, he never missed a day without and he knows very well means alot to me. I don’t want to say anything about it yet, but is he testing me, being cautious?
At what point do i stop being patient and understanding, and start making my expectations from our ‘new’ relationship clear?
Is it normal to feel strange saying ‘I love you’ again? We said it every day before the break up, and were only apart a month.
What exactly does starting over completely mean?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 6, 2017 at 8:08 pm
That means treatingnit like you have both moved on and just starting out as friends now
Esha
July 2, 2017 at 4:25 pm
My ex ended our relationship after my parents refused to accept him, I was chatting with some other guy during a period when we were not doing so well and he came to find out, he ended the relationship then decided to forgive me, my parents have refused for me to get married to him because we are from different communities and somehow my ex went back to that issue of me betraying him, its really hard to communicate with him given that we are from different cities, he has made it very clear that he has forgiven me but he doesn’t want to get back to me, after a period of no communication he started calling again and I thought we were on the verge of fixing our problems but immediately after we got to speak about me and the other guy and my parents refusing he has suddenly gone back to being quiet, he told me that he does not want to get back with me
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2017 at 9:22 pm
Hi Esha,
Do you want to try the no contact rule?
Mary
April 22, 2017 at 12:46 am
I am really stuck between moving on and trying again. My ex and I dated for a year and 7 months, we really loved each other and he had been wanting to marry me(his idea) since about 11 months into the relationship..He was willing to wait for me to graduate from college… Overall in the relationship I do admit we had arguments way too often (mostly because we think differently), it slowly started escalating 5 months into the relationship and so on. He broke up with me this January, but we only actually stopped talking 1 month ago. The main reason for the break up was all these arguments, he saw that it wasn’t getting better..(we did try comprising..But we still fought)… And the night he left me..it was mainly my fault due to my impatience of wanting to fix my wrong doing (had an argument..forgot about what)..That night i was texting and calling him while he tried to sleep (he was angry that I didn’t let him sleep)… But I wasn’t being understanding which I feel bad about. Often, everyone I talked to about this told me to move on. I’d explain my situation and they’d say it sounded like my ex had lots of manipulative and controlling behavior towards me, he’d often cross his arms and stay quiet when he wouldn’t get what he wanted from me. He’d sometimes(rarely) threaten to end the relationship if he didn’t get the things he wanted (such as a child in the future…I felt pressured). This march, He left me confused telling me that if one day were together again it would be great, but to also not hesitate if another guy asks me out and to not limit myself…He then said he will always love me no matter what …(he’d say this often before and after the break up).. he’d kiss me a lot too..And even tried undressing me but I didnt let him do that since he broke up with me. After the break up (back in January) I did all the wrong things, I was needy and forceful towards him, which would anger and reassure him that he wouldn’t take me back. But when he was calm or saw me about to cry he would tell me he still loves me, misses me. Last month when we still talked, he wanted to be friends with me, and we tried that out, but it didn’t go so good I was still really miserable that he broke up with me. He would still drive away when I didn’t want him to, I felt like a doormat, I would be there every time he wanted to hang after the break up. But In the end (last time we talked) I told him it would be too hard for me to be friends, and that I need to heal first and that maybe later on we could be friends and he said to let him know when I’m ready. …I really didn’t like how he basically set me up to be the one to contact him first. I’m tired of initiating contact first, I already did the chasing and the pleading. I wish he would come around for once. So basically I applied the NC rule and it has been 1 month. To this day, I still want him back and I miss him and feel lonely (he was the only one I hung out with for a long time..Other friends moved out long time ago), but I keep being told to not go after him and to let him be the one to come to me…I thought that maybe after a month I could try to be his friend, but recently he blocked me on FB. … After a month of NC he blocked me… This tells me I need to back off even more…I start to think that maybe he didn’t like that I recently changed my profile picture from one of he and I to just myself..Maybe he didnt like that it seems like I’m doing fine with out him..If that’s the case then it’s not fair because he changed his picture right after the last day we talked. Now that my NC is done I don’t know what to do…I’m not sure if having more NC will do, I thought I would have an answer but I don’t know if I should try again or not. I believe if I try to talk to him again it would look like I’m being needy since I would almost always talk to him first…I keep being told to leave things alone and that if he comes, then ok. And if he doesn’t then just move along. I really don’t know what to do he confused me so badly because he’d tell me he still loves me yet he’d say we’d never be together again when he was angry, he was hot and cold and left me confused. I feel like he left me with everything to figure out myself as he just lives on his life knowing that I’d contact him since he last said to let him know when I’m ready to be friends…yet he blocked me… He’s so confusing. And super stubborn which makes me think he won’t be the first to initiate contact…. Obviously I still cry thinking I may never see him again. I’m told that if he really really wants to talk to me, he would but he hasn’t. He’s the most stubborn person alive.. he was so angry at me once for making him wait 2 hours but I would call him a lot.i was looking for him. and he wouldn’t answer the phone ..he didn’t answer the phone because I got angry that he was texting other girls (just friends)..while spending time with me (we were hanging out but then he left me and I lost him in the amusement park)..He said if he had only waited 1 hour he would have been ok but since it was 2, he didn’t want to have a good time together anymore (at an amusement park)… That’s just an example of his stubbornness that if his mind is set on not answering me, he won’t, and he didn’t try looking for me at the amusement park….After all this time I just start to miss him more and the good times, like how he would bring me flowers every month, he’d compliment me and spoil me…It was all beautiful except for the constant arguing..It wouldn’t stop…. And I wonder if it’s worth trying again or not. ..I wonder what if we change our bad habits… What if we take this more seriously..I don’t know what to do…He hasn’t shown any effort to this day and I haven’t reached out to him..I have been greiving and trying to do things that make me happy..I don’t know what I’m supposed to do… Mixed signals threw me off
Mary
April 28, 2017 at 7:54 am
I do still miss him though. I just wish he would come to me first without me asking him to. My birthday is in less than a month and I really wanted him.. Around…
Mary
April 28, 2017 at 7:51 am
Hi amor. After I changed my picture I uploaded a few pictures of the wedding I went to on my trip to Texas and that was it. Nothing more. I feel like I’m barely starting to make improvements I. My life after a month. I guess I needed a whole month to feel better, and now it’s been easier to focus on myself.. But at the same time I feel like I’m giving up hope on him. I don’t find it fair how men can be so stubborn and expect the girl to stress and do all the work.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 24, 2017 at 6:16 pm
you saod you changed your profile pic.that’s good but how much did you improve in the past month, and how often did you post?
Mary
April 17, 2017 at 6:56 pm
I am really stuck between moving on and trying again. My ex and I dated for a year and 7 months, we really loved each other and he had been wanting to marry me(his idea) since about 11 months into the relationship..He was willing to wait for me to graduate from college… Overall in the relationship I do admit we had arguments way too often (mostly because we think differently), it slowly started escalating 5 months into the relationship and so on. He broke up with me this January, but we only actually stopped talking 1 month ago. The main reason for the break up was all these arguments, he saw that it wasn’t getting better..(we did try comprising..But we still fought)… And the night he left me..it was mainly my fault due to my impatience of wanting to fix my wrong doing (had an argument..forgot about what)..That night i was texting and calling him while he tried to sleep (he was angry that I didn’t let him sleep)… But I wasn’t being understanding which I feel bad about. Often, everyone I talked to about this told me to move on. I’d explain my situation and they’d say it sounded like my ex had lots of manipulative and controlling behavior towards me, he’d often cross his arms and stay quiet when he wouldn’t get what he wanted from me. He’d sometimes(rarely) threaten to end the relationship if he didn’t get the things he wanted (such as a child in the future…I felt pressured). This march, He left me confused telling me that if one day were together again it would be great, but to also not hesitate if another guy asks me out and to not limit myself…He then said he will always love me no matter what …(he’d say this often before and after the break up).. he’d kiss me a lot too..And even tried undressing me but I didnt let him do that since he broke up with me. After the break up (back in January) I did all the wrong things, I was needy and forceful towards him, which would anger and reassure him that he wouldn’t take me back. But when he was calm or saw me about to cry he would tell me he still loves me, misses me. Last month when we still talked, he wanted to be friends with me, and we tried that out, but it didn’t go so good I was still really miserable that he broke up with me. He would still drive away when I didn’t want him to, I felt like a doormat, I would be there every time he wanted to hang after the break up. But In the end (last time we talked) I told him it would be too hard for me to be friends, and that I need to heal first and that maybe later on we could be friends and he said to let him know when I’m ready. …I really didn’t like how he basically set me up to be the one to contact him first. I’m tired of initiating contact first, I already did the chasing and the pleading. I wish he would come around for once. So basically I applied the NC rule and it will be 1 month in 2 days. To this day, I still want him back and I miss him and feel lonely (he was the only one I hung out with for a long time..Other friends moved out long time ago), but I keep being told to not go after him and to let him be the one to come to me…I thought that maybe after a month I could try to be his friend, but recently he blocked me on FB. … After almost a month of NC he blocked me… This tells me I need to back off even more…I start to think that maybe he didn’t like that I recently changed my profile picture from one of he and I to just myself..Maybe he didnt like that it seems like I’m doing fine with out him..If that’s the case then it’s not fair because he changed his picture right after the last day we talked. Now that my NC is done I don’t know what to do, I thought I would have an answer but I don’t know if I should try again or not. I believe if I try to talk to him again it would look like I’m being needy since I would almost always talk to him first…I keep being told to leave things alone and that if he comes, then ok. And if he doesn’t then just move along. I really don’t know what to do he confused me so badly because he’d tell me he still loves me yet he’d say we’d never be together again when he was angry, he was hot and cold and left me confused. I feel like he left me with everything to figure out myself as he just lives on his life knowing that I’d contact him since he last said to let him know when I’m ready to be friends…yet he blocked me… He’s so confusing. And super stubborn which makes me think he won’t be the first to initiate contact…. Obviously I still cry thinking I may never see him again. I’m told that if he really really wants to talk to me, he would but he hasn’t. He’s the most stubborn person alive.. he was so angry at me once for making him wait 2 hours but I would call him a lot.i was looking for him. and he wouldn’t answer the phone ..he didn’t answer the phone because I got angry that he was texting other girls (just friends)..while spending time with me (we were hanging out but then he left me and I lost him in the amusement park)..He said if he had only waited 1 hour he would have been ok but since it was 2, he didn’t want to have a good time together anymore (at an amusement park)… That’s just an example of his stubbornness that if his mind is set on not answering me, he won’t, and he didn’t try looking for me at the amusement park….After all this time I just start to miss him more and the good times, like how he would bring me flowers every month, he’d compliment me and spoil me…It was all beautiful except for the constant arguing..It wouldn’t stop…. And I wonder if it’s worth trying again or not. ..I wonder what if we change our bad habits… What if we take this more seriously..I don’t know what to do…He hasn’t shown any effort to this day and I haven’t reached out to him..I have been greiving and trying to do things that make me happy..I don’t know what I’m supposed to do… Mixed signals threw me off
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 24, 2017 at 6:16 pm
you saod you changed your profile pic.that’s good but how much did you improve in the past month, and how often did you post?
Hopeful
March 22, 2017 at 2:36 am
My (ex)boyfriend broke up with me five days ago. We’d almost been together for a year and a month. Our relationship could be considered long distance in the way that we lived in the same state, but were, at most, two hours away from each other. When he broke up with me, it was in person. We hadn’t seen each other in almost two weeks and he was going to come over, spend the day, and leave next afternoon, which is what we usually do. So when he broke up with me when he arrived, I was blindsided and scrambling to process the situation.
When we were first dating things were great. There was lots of affection from both parties through text and in person, and he’d try to make it so we could see each other more frequently, even if he had work the next morning. We were expressive about missing each other complimenting each other, etc. He spent a lot of time with his friends and left my house early to hang out with them, but at the time he seemed very invested in the relationship, and I didn’t want to interfere with his pre-existing schedule.
A few months in there was a two month period of time where stuff happened and we weren’t able to see each other as much. He was stressed and without a car, and I think around this time I felt him begin to withdraw and grow less affectionate towards me through text. It was extremely hard adjusting to that on top of not being able to see him a few weeks at a time, and I think that’s when the silences in our conversations began to get to me, whereas before I was able to brush off not hearing from him for 3-8 hours a bit better. He made several efforts to be more conscious and tell me when he was out with friends/on his way home, but the same thing kept happening so I’d keep bringing it up, and after a while he said that it felt, to him, that his best wasn’t enough. The same situation applies for when we’d be spending time together and he’d be texting his friends. It stopped for a little while the first time I brought it up, it’d start back up, and after a few repeats that was the answer I’d get, that his best wasn’t good enough.
Eventually we got to a point where affection from him felt hard pressed to come by in text and in person. By then I’d expressed how it felt like his friends were more important than our relationship and one day everything blew up and he proposed a break. I did the exact opposite of what someone should do, and freaked out because no one I’d dated had suggested a break ever. I thought if we took the break, he’d leave for good. We never took the break due to my reaction, and according to him on the day he broke up with me, this is around the time he began to feel pressured to stay. When I initially mentioned my fear that he felt that way (about a month prior) and he didn’t confirm or deny said fear. When I brought that back up the day he broke up with me, he claimed to have no recollection that that ever happened (aka me saying I worried he felt forced to stay, and him not saying anything to deny/confirm that).
So it’s been five days. He said we can still be friends and still hang out but I’m worried he said that to soften the blow, and that he won’t want to see me anymore because without us dating, there will be less of an incentive to drive all the way here and back. He also said it wasn’t my fault or anything I did (this was a very bad week for him and I didn’t help by clinging when I should have given him space) but that there was too much going on in his life and things weren’t working. He told me there are better people out there for me, and that while I felt like he’d helped me grow so much throughout the entire relationship, it felt to him like he hadn’t changed at all. However, when I asked him if there was no possibility of us getting back together, he said something like, “I don’t know how I’ll be feeling when things get better for me, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.” I worry that’s also another thing he said to not hurt my feelings more, and that he’s going to try to move on and find someone local.
I’ve been trying to implement NC and have succeeded in not messaging him. Sometimes he’ll like things I post or share on Facebook, but he hasn’t reached out either. It’s just hard letting go and trying to convince myself he cares and that this is hurting him too, because throughout the course of our relationship he never told me he loved me. It felt like his friends came first, and it felt like he became less and less attracted to me. I’m worried I won’t be able to earn his attraction and affection again because of how needy, readily available, and criticizing I came across, but if he doesn’t change and do some growing, I don’t think it’d be a fair relationship for me. I’m worried he won’t reach out at all, but I don’t want to lose him. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 25, 2017 at 1:37 pm
Hi Hopeful,
do you want to try the no contact rule?
Alexis
February 7, 2017 at 7:43 pm
Since my ex and i broke up, i had always wanted him back. The break up’s 90% my fault. I came accrosa ex bf recovery pro a few weeks after we broke up. I decided to do the no contact rule. I am almost a month doing the NC when I sudsenly had this doubt if I actually want him back. So now i am confused if i should proceed NC or just stop and move on completely. Is this just a phase?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2017 at 11:57 pm
Hi Alexis,
there are a lot that choose to move on instead because when they became more rational, they realized a lot of things that they couldn’t see when were too emotional
Jonathan
January 5, 2017 at 5:42 pm
I (26yo) was in a long distance relationship with my ex (28yo with a 5yo child) since April 2014 and ended in December 2016 (I broke with her a few days before Christmas). It was a long distance relationship (she was in NJ and I in NY). We both decided shortly after meeting to go back to school and had our eyes set to the future and we inspired each other. Unfortunately I did not consider applying to schools in NJ and applied only to schools in NY. I had nothing against going to school in NJ it just never struck me to try that and we also hadn’t established a timeline to move in together someday so we were basically going off of pure faith and love, which now I see is not enough, but we were naive and in love, and had never been in a LDR, so we overlooked it. I began school in September 2016 in NY and took out a loan for it so I was basically stuck in NY for the full year of the loan at least, therefore moving to NJ would have been overreaching for me. Because she has a son moving from NJ would be a big sacrifice considering her family helps with the child, so I totally understand that it is I who should’ve made the move.
Fast forward to around November 2016 she became disillusioned and grew more distant, and we lacked communication but I was so overwhelmed with things on my end (full-time student taking chem, bio, and calculus in one semester; lease was about to be up so I had to begin looking for places to move in NY because I’d still have to at least complete the Spring semester in NY; now I had to deal with an increasingly distant girlfriend), that I don’t think I responded well under all the pressure. Now that school is done, I’ve moved in with my parents to save up money and since we broke up so I didn’t quite need a place for privacy anymore, got a job that works with school well and I can now see that I made a rash decision, because my mind was just saturated. I know she still loves me as much as I love her, maybe more, because I went no contact with her for 2 weeks (beginning of December) and when I couldn’t take it anymore I broke up with her because I truly at that time didn’t know what to do. She responded saying that I had the strength she didn’t have (as in I broke it off and she just wasn’t able to). A week later (right before New Years) I sent her a heartfelt letter extending gratitude and telling her to not give up on her dream and to remember how we inspired each other to follow a path to achieving our career goals, I thanked her for being my soulmate, and I had sent in the envelope a necklace and earrings that were meant to be her Christmas gift and told her to use it as a memento for when times get rough hopefully she’ll remember what we set out to achieve together and that would encourage her. Unfortunately I now see that sending the letter might’ve been too much and might have seemed needy but given I was simply thanking her and wishing her a great future, not begging to come back together, I did not see it as me being needy at the time. I know we are both deeply in love with each other and now that I’ve had more time to think I believe things should’ve been done differently. I’m currently in no contact but what do I do if after a certain period I still want her back and she hasn’t reached out? I was thinking about applying to schools in NJ now just in case if we work things out then we’ll have set plans for me moving over to NJ and continuing school and work there but with her this time.
I know I’d be willing to make the move to NJ so that’s not a problem, but how do I go about this now? I don’t want to overwhelm her or look too needy and I also want to strengthen myself physically, mentally, and emotionally before we meet so that I’m the same guy she fell head over heels for, and tempered with the experience of the breakup and stronger for us. How do I go about this? I know we both never loved anyone as we loved each other, I’m confident in saying this, but the thought of no contact for a long time makes me feel uneasy.
Feel free to ask questions that I might not have answered on here. Any ideas?
Jonathan
January 8, 2017 at 5:22 pm
Also, when she became distant I realize now that I became pretty needy for a little while (2ish weeks) but when I saw no reciprocation I slowly began to distance myself too until I went no contact for 2 weeks then broke it off. Did that period of neediness ruin my chances? Because of my acting needy before I broke it off I don’t know if me breaking NC is the right the thing to do. Thoughts? Btw, thank you so much, I appreciate all the advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 8, 2017 at 10:35 pm
yes, be active in posting..that’s your only way of indirectly showing your improvements.. and it would be better if you finish nc and just focus in yourself.. what’s done is done..dont worry about that because it wont help
Jonathan
January 8, 2017 at 5:14 pm
Hi Amor! I’ll do that. I started taking guitar lessons, found myself a job, have been hanging out and meeting new people, and will be back in school full-time in 2 weeks. I basically filled up all of the time I had reserved for the relationship (traveling to NJ to see her) My question now is, how will she know I’m improving myself and meeting new people? Is posting these things on Facebook and Instagram, for example, a good idea? I don’t want her to think that I’m simply trying to get her jealous by posting how great my life is now and letting her see that I’m not just sitting around at home sobbing. It’s also been over 2 weeks since we broke up (1 week since I sent the letter) so I don’t know if it’s still too early to post things on social media.
Jonathan
January 5, 2017 at 5:44 pm
Sorry I accidentally double-posted. My apologies!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 7, 2017 at 5:16 am
Hi Jonathan,
that’s ok. I think you should do it one step at a time. Get your life balance back during nc. Maintain it after nc while building rapport slowly with her through text. IF you get back together, then that’s when you think about moving there.