There is something that I have wanted to do for a very long time.

Care to take a guess at what it is?

Create a YouTube channel and teach people to get their exes back through video.

Well, today that dream becomes a reality as I have just completed the very first video ever for Ex Boyfriend Recovery and it’s all about getting an ex back. Though I suppose you want me to be more specific, huh?

Ok, I have designed a very simple four step method that almost any woman can use to get her ex back.

Check it out!

Video Transcript

Hi, my name is Chris Seiter founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery and today I’m going to teach you my simple 4 step method for getting your ex back.

The four step game plan is really what I like to call a value chain. Where you move your ex from point A to point B.

Lets talk about the four steps now.

four steps boyfriend

Now I have something prepared for you to demonstrate what the no contact rule is.

nc

Now the premise of the no contact rule is actually quite simple. It’s a period of time where you don’t contact your ex no matter what.

If he contacts you, you don’t contact back.

Pretty simple, right?

But here’s the question that I get all the time.

How long should the no contact rule be?

It’s quite simple really. I have three recommended time frames that I recommend to people wanting to do the no contact rule.

The 21 Day Period

The 30 Day Period

The 45 Day Period

A lot of women who try the no contact rule end up failing. In fact, I estimate that 80% of the women who come to Ex Boyfriend Recovery and try the no contact rule actually fail.

The break it.

Why?

Well, it’s because there are so many temptations that make people want to break it. For example, if you are missing your ex boyfriend a lot… Well, your instinct is to text him… or give him a call or something.

And then you have birthdays or holidays…

No matter what you cannot text your ex, call your ex or even message your ex on Facebook.

I know it sounds harsh but it’s worth it.

Now if you recall this is a four step game plan or a four step value chain rather…

So we just covered step one as the no contact rule but step two is about text messaging or text messages.

So, the question now becomes do you wait for your ex to text you during the no contact rule or after the no contact rule before you respond to him or do you actually take initiative and text him.

My piece of advice or what I’m going to recommend is that you text him.

This puts the ball in your court and when you can control things or the more you can control things the better your chances.

Lets talk about step two now.

texting

So when it comes to text messaging or text messages there are really two goals that I want you to accomplish and one of the goals is going to sound a little weird but I’ll talk about that in a second.

The first goal is really to build attraction this isn’t anything really revolutionary here. The more attraction you can build the more you can re-attract your ex the better your chances will be or the more open he will be to taking you back.

But the second goal is a little strange so bear with me here because I promise it will all tie in and make sense later.

The second goal is to simply transition from text messages to phone calls.

So you may be asking yourself at this point.

Well, how do I do that?

How do I transition from a text message to a phone call?

Well it’s really quite simple.

I want you to utilize something I like to call the transition text message.

So the first thing that you want to do with the transition text message is have a really good story to tell.

The best story of your life.

And you start that story with your ex. Once you’ve started that story

You all of a sudden send a text message that says something like,

“Oh, you know what? This is too good to finish over text can I call you?”

texting

Now what this does is actually quite simple.

It’s a test that will test the waters to see if he’s open to talking to you on the phone. If he’s not then you simply finish your text message story over text messages.

But if he is you finish the story on the phone.

And that’s how you transition from text messages to phone calls.

Now that we’re at phone calls lets talk about that.

phone calls

When I was dating my wife or before she was my wife she did something to me on the phone that struck me as really strange.

She would wait until we were in the middle of an incredible conversation and then all of a sudden she would just dip out.

And she would often times say it was because her phone died or there was a car crash outside that she wanted to go see what it was.

And I always had a sneaking suspicion that she was lying or was performing some woman voodoo on me but to her credit… It worked.

It worked on me.

I mean, I married the woman.

But here’s the thing…

Here’s what I learned when she did it.

The more she did it the more she left me with the feeling of wanting more. Now imagine if you could give that feeling to your ex boyfriend.

Imagine if you found the high point of the phone call conversation and you just ended the conversation.

Well, it would be him with the feeling of wanting more and eventually the more you repeat this process his attraction for you will build.

Men always want what they can’t have.

And the more that he can’t have you the more that your stock goes up.

And the higher the chances are that he will ask you out on a date.

date

When you meet someone for the first time you don’t ask them to marry you. You kind of build up to it.

Well the same principle applies here to getting your ex to ask you to be his girlfriend again.

You don’t just go from zero to sixty in two seconds. You go from zero to sixty in two hours.

Pretend your dating someone new. You don’t do the crazy stuff that you did before. You put your best foot forward.

And that’s what we’re going to do.

I’m going to teach you my three step/three date method that I recommend for women who are trying to get their ex boyfriends back.

Alright, the three step date method is really simple.

It’s basically a value chain that moves your ex from point A to point B much like I’ve been teaching you throughout this entire process.

So here’s how it works.

Your going to go on three dates with your ex.

date

Now you may ask yourself on the romantic date if you should be making any moves.

No.

Your job is to put your ex boyfriend in a position where he will make the moves.

Put him in a romantic location where he will be more likely to tap into his romantic feelings.

Now you may be wondering,

What if I go on these three dates and I do everything right but he still hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend?

What do you do?

Well, a lot of women think you start the process over again.

You go on more romantic dates.

No…

What I want you to do is to go back in to a mini no contact period for 7 days… A week.

What this accomplishes is actually quite clever.

Your ex assuming things went well is probably thinking.

Wait… why isn’t she talking to me all of a sudden? What did I do wrong? Did she find someone else?

This is exactly what you want him to think.

The more he has thoughts like this…

The more that he thinks your a hot commodity…

The more he thinks a man could potentially enjoy time with you…

The more likely he is to asking you to be his girlfriend again.

And that’s how you get your ex boyfriend back.

107 thoughts on “The Simple Four Step Method For Getting Your Boyfriend Back (Video)”

  1. Avatar

    Natalie Ortega

    May 4, 2019 at 2:12 am

    Hello,
    So me and my ex were arguing a lot mostly because i would take out the angry that have with my parents out on him so one day he asked him for a break for a day and then we got back together and then like 2 days later i was at his house. We went outside to talk and he was talking to me like he was going to break up with me but i wasn’t sure and i asked him and he said yes. We ended up on good terms, we even made out after. Then his grandma took me out to lunch and she just told me to play hard to get but to not give up on him. So like a week later i invite him to eat and he said I’m going to be working but thanks for the invite. And then i sent him a letter apologizing and expressing my love for him and how hurt i am to lose him. He texted me a week later say thank you for the letter and that he feels like we need to focus on each other. I really want him back but i don’t know what to do. I haven’t texted him back because i don’t know what to say. Please help me

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 4, 2019 at 3:37 am

      Hi Natalie….conflict unfortunately pulls down many a relationship. It seems that your next move would be to implement some of the steps I discuss in my ex recovery Program, starting with NC. But there is a lot to this process and so I would recommend you take a look at some my Program as it will drive down into more of the details than I can here.

  2. Avatar

    Karmen

    November 15, 2018 at 11:17 pm

    Hi Chris,

    What is your strategy for social media posts? How often? Should I post less to make him keep guessing? Sexy pics or would that be trying too hard? SOS

  3. Avatar

    Mishti

    November 19, 2017 at 12:53 am

    Hi Chris,

    Thanks for your help; I purchased EBR-Pro and it has provided much needed clarity. I’m not sure if I even want to get back together with my ex. At the same time, I constantly think about him and us and obviously miss being together. I know you and your team are busy but I think sharing my story may help me and any additional advice you may have geared towards me will be appreciated.

    He and I met at work and he asked me out. We were both in our late 20s at the time. We had a very physical connection and this quickly progressed to a very intense relationship. I was honestly more distant to begin with but eventually fell for him hard. We were together for a year before moving in together. He said I love you first; he mentioned marriage first; he talked about us having babies first.

    This “honeymoon phase” of the relationship lasted about a year and a half. After about 3 years living together he had to move away for work. We knew this was coming and prior to this he had, on his own initiative, mentioned wanting to be engaged before he moved away. When the time came however he had numerous reasons (excuses, really) why it was not the right time (not enough money, arbitrary timing, new job, etc). I was not happy about it, but then again, I did not start being in a relationship with him to be married. It was fun, then “comfortable and easy” (his words).

    We then proceeded to be in a LDR for 2 years. This was not comfortable or easy. It was very difficult and there were many ups and downs. We certainly fought, although the majority of the fights were about figuring out who was going to visit whom when, and the logistics of the relationship and the struggles of work. It was hard. I’ll be honest, prior to this relationship, I had tried to be in an LDR with an awesome guy, but just couldn’t handle the distance. I needed more constancy and physical attention. But when we were together, we always had a great time. I had some doubts about our relationship and when I relayed them to him, he said that it was the distance and we knew this was coming to a close. He then moved closer to his hometown to start his new job this summer. He even mentioned me to his job recruiter. He did buy a house, but he called it “our house” and begged me to visit him there. It was sweet. I mean, it wasn’t my dream, I wanted to be engaged, especially since our families are close and they talk and they ask me ALL THE TIME about when it would be happening (me, never him). But I was thrilled by his success and I was excited to be starting this new chapter with him.

    The last 4 months were actually amazing. We talked every morning and every night. We made plans. Even our silly dates were so fun. We were still long distance but I am in the final year of my contract and would be joining him in a year. His recruiter had emailed me the details of the new local job. For our 6 year anniversary we planned a weekend together. It was amazing. We spent the weekend together and then Sunday morning we were together (as in, together) and he told me he loved me and then we drove away, in opposite directions, to our respective houses. We talked on the drive home.

    That night, he called me, and told me he “felt that things were difficult for some time now.” I was devastated. I clearly did not feel that way. He then told me that when we started LDR he thought it was hard because of the distance. But since finishing his old job and in these last 4 months prior to starting his new job, since he’d been done “charging the hill” he starting appreciating an “emotional disconnect” and did not feel he could offer me the “passion” that I deserved. He still wanted to be friends because I was his “best friend.”

    We spoke via text about a week after that because our lease was in both our names and I wanted to get everything in my name. We worked all that out without any issues. Afterwards I stopped texting and erased his contact information from my phone so I wouldn’t be tempted to text him or browse through our texts. One week later he texted me to ask me how I was doing. I was heartbroken but I didn’t want to tell him that. Two days later (after reading through ExBoyfriendPro) I sent him a text saying I needed time and space to move on. It’s been radio silence on both ends since then.

    My family is obviously devastated; they think he is a terrible person and liar. I think it’s nice that they are so firmly in my corner. I know that I could be a clingy and co-dependent and the relationship problems stemmed from the both of us. His family has contacted me, to ask me the story, and I asked them, politely, for distance and to take this opportunity to connect with their son.

    I guess, I am devastated by the nature of his breakup. I feel like I didn’t know him and the cognitive dissonance of him becoming this horrible person to me in the span on one single moment is incredibly difficult. It feels like he pretended to be in love and during that time, his perception of me was slowly changing, but he hid this from me and moved on, while never allowing me the same opportunity to grow apart from him. I know that sounds like a silly complaint. But I think, ultimately, with the timing of this breakup and the way in which he did it, I do not think we can ever get back together. We are both now in our mid-30s. I know, I know, I let it get to this point. However, I did think of him as my best friend. And though I don’t trust any of the things he’s said to me, particularly anything in the last several months, I know that I did value our friendship dearly.

    What should I do? I still love him even though I do not want to. I have gone out and every man who hits on me I shy away from, because I just know I’m not ready for anything. All my friends and co-workers are in my corner but they also tip-toe around the issue. Everyone was rooting for our relationship and everyone (including me) thought we were the real deal and going to get married. I just need to get through these next few months, working on health/wealth/relationships, like you’ve said. But I’m stuck. Just stuck on him and what he did and how he did it. I’m at 32 days now of NC and am not sure how to end it or if I should.

    Thanks for listening. This was epically long. But oddly cathartic.

    Thank you,
    M

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:37 pm

      Hi Mishti,

      I dont know if you’ve read my reply to your other comment, so I’ll copy and paste it here…
      Get a personal counselor and keep in mind that moving on doesn’t mean easing the pain. It means keeping on improving yourself while it still hurts.

  4. Avatar

    Tara

    July 30, 2017 at 9:06 pm

    Chris,

    Thanks for all of the resources your team provides. I’ve purchased the Text Bible, but appreciate that you offer some advice for free.

    Here’s my situation. I’m in an LDR with someone from another country. He’s 10 years younger than me. I had a night where I got very emotional and had a lot of doubts about our relationship. After the voncerstation was over he told me it made him feel different about me. We have each other some space for about 2 weeks and then I went to visit (the trip was already planned). Once I arrived I could tell things were different between us. Once we talked through it, he told me he wanted some time, and when I asked he said we would both be single during the break. When I left unsaid I will talk to you when I talk to you. He said that we would still talk regularly. After thinking about that, I told him I couldn’t do that and if we were going to take a break, we shouldn’t talk. The following morning he wished me a safe trip home and called me baby. I thanked him and told him I enjoyed the trip and seeing him. He thanked me as well… still calling me Baby. His text was the last text, and I stuck to the no contact. It’s been 10 days and there has been no contact from either of us. I’m not blocked on social media or in his instant messaging app. So my questions are: 1. Since I told him we should not have contact, does the no contact rule still work? He doesn’t know I’m following your plan, but I told him I would not contact him. 2. Do we sound like it’s a salvageable place? 3. I had a trip already paid for to go back for a week. Should I just cancel, or go anyway?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 4:06 pm

      Hi Tara,

      As long as you didn’t tell him thr no contact rule and for how long you’re going to do it, that’s ok.. It looks like you have a chance.. If you still want to go back, that’s ok just dont meet him.. Do something else

  5. Avatar

    Wonderwall

    September 11, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I have a bit of a situation. I started dating someone a couple of months ago and just when things were going great, he decides to drift away. Here’s the plot twist, his family and mine are extremely close. I unfortunately went through something when I was younger, I got molested and it just so happened to be his cousin. As my guy and I were getting closer, I knew that I had to tell him eventually. So, when I decided to tell him this he didn’t know how to react. He started distancing himself and eventually cut communication. My birthday was today and after a 22 or 23 day of No contact, he decides to tell me that I will always be special to him, but that he needed to cut communication with me because it was the best thing to do. He doesn’t believe in friendships with the opposite sex, but today he tells me he hopes to be friends with me in the future. Can I still get him back after this messy situation?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 1:05 pm

      Hi Wonderwall,

      Yeah, it’s unique.. Hmm.. I think it will take time. Maybe he’s embarrassed that his cousin did that to you and he can’t handle the situation. You need to work things slowly and became good friends first.. when that happens, at least someday you can address the situation and tell him that you don’t take what happened to you and his cousin against him.. And then when he’s more comfortable with you, the situation will get easier for the both of you.

  6. Avatar

    Brainwashingmachine

    March 16, 2016 at 8:24 am

    Hi and thank you for all the support I’ve had through these articles etc.

    I was wondering if my ex has done the mental breakup in advance for months before he was telling how he really felt. For couple months we didn’t see much often and he was avoiding me (wich drived me more and more clingy ). Now I am in day 16 of NC and I think he just feel reliefed when I’m not around anymore. What if he has already kinda “moved on” before we broke up? He haven’t contacted me and I doubt he ever will, he’s not a text message/caller/chatter guy and i was the one who always did the first moves.

    I also told him (before reading these) that i need space for now and I don’t think we’ll be in contact for so often. Do you think this ruined my NC “shock effect”?

    Thanks, and sorry for my english it’s not perfect 🙂 I’d like to have your book but don’t know which one tho choose!

    BWM

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2016 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Brainwashingmachine,
      🙂

      Your English is good!If you didn’t mention for how long you’re doing nc, he will still miss you especially since he’s used to you reaching out and yes it’s possible that he has started moving on before breaking up

  7. Avatar

    Ash

    December 26, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    I am in day 26 of NC and until now he hasn’t contacted me. He seems to not be bothered about me and hanging out more with his friends. He had mentioned to his friend that the reason we broke up was coz i was annoying/obsessive but to me he mentioned a different reason. When i confronted to him about it (before entering NC) he admitted saying such maybe because i was like that and thus lead me to NC. Recently I had heard from my friends that he is angry at me for some reasons where I wasn’t bothered to ask in detailed. I was shocked because I thought he didn’t care much about me after saying that he doesn’t want to get back together & he is not interested in a relationship for the time being.
    He is a happy-go-lucky guy who takes relationship very seriously and at the same time his ego/stubbornness is quite high. I don’t know how to deal with this type of person since what ever I am doing doesn’t seem to affect him much. How should I tackle this type of situation & how should I behave so that I could get in control? I really do want to be in control!

  8. Avatar

    Katy

    December 12, 2015 at 5:57 am

    Hi Chris,
    I’m writing to you because I have a somewhat unique situation. My now ex-partner has been suffering from depression and some seriously stressful life circumstances for some time now.
    I’ve been super proud of myself for not contacting him since he initiated a breakup 6 days ago. He sent me a text after 2 days and sent another one today. I didn’t respond to the first one. I really didn’t want to respond to the one he sent today, but he seemed desperate to know if I was “safe” in the message today. I messaged him today, ensured my safety; let him know I was thinking about things and that I hope he’s okay. (I’m actually holding up remarkably well.) There’s still some issues re: personal belongings that need to be worked out. However, not that I’ve let him know I’m “okay”… can I resume my no contact rule? Or do I need to be a bit more available because of his depression?

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      January 16, 2016 at 10:45 pm

      Don’t let his depression be an excuse to break no contact. He broke up with you correct?

  9. Avatar

    Crystal

    December 8, 2015 at 1:08 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 5 years ago. Over these last five years, we have still been in friendly contact here and there. Six months ago, he started asking me out on dates and we ended sleeping together. I immediately felt him grow distant after we slept together. Then he went on vacation and disappeared on me for six weeks. He contacted me after returning from his vacation, but I was hurt by his distance and did not respond. We did not speak for six months.

    Now that six months have passed, I miss him and wonder if I could’ve handled things better. I contacted him and invited him out to dinner, which he accepted enthusiastically. How can I maximize my chances of getting back together with him? I am worried because it has been so many years since we have been officially a couple. It is possible that he no longer thinks of me romantically anymore, but how can I change this?

  10. Avatar

    Helpless

    December 6, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I’m currently in day 12 of the nc. Both me and my ex recently got Facebook. I was curious if I should add him or wait a little bit Until after the nc? He has not friend requested me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 7, 2015 at 4:01 pm

      Wait until after NC and after you have established some communication.

  11. Avatar

    Katy

    December 5, 2015 at 10:16 am

    Recently my boyfriend and I broke up, his reason was that he was unhappy “not with me” but unhappy in general, and that he fell out of love with me. We never fought and dated for almost 2 years, so when he did it, it caught me by surprise. He told me there was absolutely no chance so I tried the no contact rule but I keep failing at it because I want to talk to him because I miss him so bad. What can I do during the no contact period to get him to miss me? Because I see him on a day to day basis because of school? Dress nice? Look like I’m having fun?

  12. Avatar

    Rose

    December 4, 2015 at 11:38 pm

    Hi Chris!

    I’ve been following your blog. I’m in a very bad situation. It’s now been 30 days since we last spoke. A bit of history:

    – He broke up with me 8 months ago. I went on no-contact.
    – We reconnected about 2 months after that. We chatted for a while. Flirted.
    – We met up once but something happened during the meetup (his other ex followed him) which caused some drama.
    – He cut me off again for another month, didn’t even greet me on my birthday. I was on NC all this time.
    – Month 6: He’d message me to ask me how I was doing at work, and personally. But I ignored the messages since I wanted to go NC.
    – Month 7: I find out he tried to (but failed) hack my Facebook account. He denied it when I confronted him about it. I left my job where we both work; he sends me off with a sweet “you’re beautiful, brilliant” message. That was the last time we spoke.
    – Month 8: Now. I find out through Facebook that he’s going on salsa lessons with another girl and on surf trips. Things he knows I’ve always wanted to do with him.

    I still want him back but I don’t know what to do Chris. 🙁 Help me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 7, 2015 at 6:07 pm

      Wait, his other ex followed him?

  13. Avatar

    Bri

    December 4, 2015 at 10:30 am

    Hey Chris. Here’s some background on my ex and I, he was my boss up until recently. About two months he asked for a break because we were constantly fighting however we really never took a break from eachother we still saw eachother every other day, texted eachother everyday up until Halloween. I made a decision to ignore him for a week or so, but then things got worse from there. Instead of loving eachother we started to both lose some feelings for one another because of the stress of trying to make something work out of nothing. We agreed we could be friends and start over and see what happens from there but I truly believe we need the NC time period however I’m scared of losing him completely. I love him but I myself need some time to understand my feelings fully, do you truly believe that a NC period between us will help clear up any conflicting feelings and help us recover from a very broken relationship?

  14. Avatar

    Riley

    December 4, 2015 at 3:02 am

    Hi Chris!
    THANK YOU I love the videos!!

    I was w/ my bf for 3 months and in the beginning he told me I was the one, we could wait for sex till marriage, and everything else I wanted to hear. We knew each other from church for a long time and I didn’t know but he actually turned out to be a closeted atheist. Initially he told me he would become religious again he just wants me he just needs time. Later he changed and said he doesn’t think he ever could go back to Religion and I deserve someone who like the type of things I like and our relationship is just too serious for him he just wants to have fun. After our first date he said i’m too innocent and he doesn’t want to ruin me and admitted he had previously had 7-8 gf w/ whom he was sexual. So I played along and said I wasnt ready for anything to serious either because I didnt want to let go. Conversations got too sexual for me he wanted to do touching and stuff and I said lets break up so we did. Next morning he texted me since when did you get a snap chat. I wasn’t aware about the NC rule so I texted back he replied ” Oh okay lol” I never responded it’s been 28 days in to NC rule he hasn’t texted me either. We ran in to each other publicly and he covered his face and avoided me. Should I JUST MOVE ON?!?!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 7, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      I am glad you like them!

      He seriously covered his face?

      I think you should give the strategy a shot before giving up assuming you still want him back.

  15. Avatar

    Rory

    December 3, 2015 at 7:25 am

    Hi Chris,
    Thank you! I have done the no contact rule w/ my Boyfriend for 26 days and his birthday is coming up and if I text him on his birthday it will be day 32. He has not contacted me at all. Do I text him?!

    1. Avatar

      Riley

      December 4, 2015 at 3:11 am

      Thank You Chris!

      The only time he texted me was the next day and I replied and he responded with a a “lol” but after that completely no contact from me or him. His friends completely ignore me and avoid eye contact when they see me and so does he. It’s over huh?

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 3, 2015 at 2:08 pm

      No not unless your close to getting back together or are already back together.

  16. Avatar

    Elena

    December 3, 2015 at 3:05 am

    Feel like I’m at a stand still with my ex. We have meet up 3 times after the NC period and for the last month we talked nearly daily (he initiates texting too), even if it’s just a line or 2 for that day.

    The problem is we keep everything really friendly and I feel like we are at a stand still. There is no way he could possibly think I just want to be friends, right? That would be a joke. I just don’t know where to take it from here. I initiated our first meet up and then the last 2 were so that he could help me with some retirement funds. We ended up not being able to work on them but he has never initiated a meeting. The last time we meet I kissed him on the cheek goodbye and was SO embarrassed I nearly fainted.

    He has no issue texting with me really or even meeting up for that matter but I don’t know… I just don’t know what next steps to take as he has not given me any indication that he would even consider being with me again. I almost want to give up… 🙁

    I know patience is key but this ambiguity is ridiculous. HALP!

    1. Avatar

      Elena

      December 8, 2015 at 12:49 pm

      I’m stumped because everything is so grey. I don’t even consider those dates, just like friendly hang outs and all initiated by me. He has gone kind of cold on me now and hasn’t reached out to me in about a week. On the verge of giving up… I feel like he has been using me for ego boost/emotional comfort. I do like the new videos though! You look about 22 years old!!! Hahaha

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 8, 2015 at 1:59 pm

      26 years old so I guess that’s good!

      Hahaha.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 7, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      What exactly has you stumped about the date?

  17. Avatar

    Grace

    December 2, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend broke up with me two months ago, after almost three years together. We were supposed to spend the weekend together and instead he came to my house in tears and broke up with me. Then I begged him to think about it- we talked regularly for the next week, and then after nine days he called and said he still felt the same and that we should break up.

    We have not been no contact the whole time, as I was still begging/contacting him/only hurting myself more for the first few weeks. In a phone conversation (my initiative, one of a few conversations) three weeks after he left me, he said that I loved him too much, and also that he was not questioning his decision (this is when I was still contacting him- sending texts/emails/calling a few times). Overall, he basically gave me no hope/indication of a future reconciliation. He said he didn’t want to work on things, that he wasn’t in love with me anymore, that it was all about my love, that he has had doubts for awhile, that he hasn’t been happy the last 6-8 months, and that he can’t promise anything in the future. All this despite the fact that in August I point blank asked him if he was happy and he said he was; when I brought this up to him he said I caught him at a moment when he was happy.

    We did long distance (over 2,000 miles away) for a whole year, and he dumped me after just 2 months of returning, when we were in the same state, only a few hours away. I finally sent him a text saying he broke our trust completely and I was moving on, goodbye, and started no contact the next day, on October 26th. He texted me a simple message on the night of my birthday 19 days later and said he understood if I didn’t respond (possibly trying to keep some power for himself/protect himself?). I didn’t respond. I don’t know if this still counts as him breaking no contact since he probably felt obliged to send it, to make himself feel less guilty or something. Then, a week ago, I was with my mom and sister in the city where he lives and passed him on the street, and I yelled his name from the car window (gut reaction, slightly embarrassing I know, it all happened in slow motion). He looked up, then we turned around and my family said hello/made awkward small talk for a few minutes, and then he said he had to get to class (grad school). He and I made eye contact (I was in the backseat), he tried to smile/wave at me and I didn’t smile back, I looked away and then looked back. We didn’t say a word. I thought he might text me after this encounter/that it was fate of some sort/that it might jog something in his mind, but nothing has happened (yet). We have now been no contact for 37 days. It seems like he is doing things he wouldn’t have done as much (though he still did) when he was with me because of responsibilities to spending time with me (such as traveling, throwing a party, seeing friends a lot)…so maybe he is purely enjoying this? I don’t know. He is very immature in many ways/depends on his friends for much of his happiness. Is there anything I can/should do? Or just stick with no contact and wait for him to, if ever, reach out? I am trying to retain some dignity and be graceful, and I am scared to contact him and be rejected again/hurt more. I have been incredibly sad. I appreciate your help, thank you.

    1. Avatar

      Grace

      December 3, 2015 at 7:10 pm

      I wish I hadn’t, but it so happened very quickly and I had an emotional response. The only thing I said was his name, and I did not talk at all when we turned around and pulled over.

      It has been 37 days overall, and only 9 days since the car incident.

      I am scared to text him because I don’t want to push him farther away, and he made it clear that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, and said some really hurtful things. I also don’t want him to think I’m okay with being just friends, because I’m not. Should I still text him though?

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 3, 2015 at 4:58 am

      Ah you shouldn’t have spoken to him while passing him in the car, that is not the first conversation you should be having. You should be sending him really great texts, texts that make him feel happy.

      Since it’s been 37 days (I’m assuming from the car incident?) You can send him a text. Make sure it’s something that will be enticing. For example if he looks like a particular actor say hey I was over a friends house watching “The Borne Supremacy” and Matt Damon reminded me of you!

      Obviously pick a celebrity that actually looks like your ex. This text will show him that your hanging out with friends and possibly a guy friend because it’s a guy type of movie. (Jealously) and then you make him feel good knowing you were thinking about him. Finally it is a compliment without going to far. You should get a pretty good response.

  18. Avatar

    Candy

    December 2, 2015 at 1:40 am

    Hey Chris.

    I’ve been an avid fan of yours for some time. You helped me over my last ex, who broke up with me over deployment. Turns out the guy was cheating on me with his ex and is now engaged to her (while still overseas) but good for him. I don’t care anymore.

    I ended up meeting someone, on Instagram, of all places. We were texting for awhile, he lives in California and I live in New York . We were talking about meeting for a few weeks, saying how attracted we were to eachother, and how we wanted to be together. We spoke on the phone a few times and Skyped. He was never a huge texter, he’d send me very short messages. I asked him if it was his way of ending conversations and he said it wasnt, he is just a busy guy (he’s in the military as well) and doesn’t like to text.

    He was gone for several weeks for military purposes, and didn’t have his phone. The day he came back he told me he was ready to see me. He asked for my id, and booked a flight for me to fly to him. So I did it. He paid for it, and he picked me up from the airport. He had the most genuine, realist smile I’d ever seen when he’d look at me. I spent thanksgiving with him, and his best friend. His best friend sat me down and spoke to me saying he is jaded by past engagements gone wrong, so to give him time. Having me out there with him, and meeting his best friend was an enormous step for him. Considering he’s been single for 2 years. At points he was so kinda to me, and then at others he was kinda mean, or wouldn’t sit near me. His friends sat him down and spoke to him about why he was being this way towards me. We had sat down and spoken, and things had cooled down and we were happy and good again. We didn’t spend much time alone…at all. On my last night, he was extremely sweet and loving. Telling me how he wished I didn’t have to go, and he was holding my hand and kissing my hand…he’s deploying in January for 7 months and he told me the reason he was keeping me at arms length is because he was broken up with over deployment, and he said he was very scared of what I could do to him (break his heart and damage him) . He said when I was leaving we were on the same page about pursuing a relationship and that we were worth it. I’ve been home 2 days, and I haven’t spoken to him much (not that we would really speak everyday) I asked him to visit me before he deployed and he said it was impossible. Now when I got home, I said to “come visit soon” he said “I’m already thinking about it” which is a really different answer than what I’m used to with him, he’d normally say “maybe” or “come to me”. As he was driving me to the airport he said how sad he was that I was leaving, and that he really wants to visit me in NY, but it may not be possible. Since I’ve been home we haven’t communicated much, but like I said, not put of the norm. But he has been posting on Instagram and snapchat. (One snap saying how great life was).

    I can’t tell how he feels….I thought by now he’d say he missed me? I haven’t said it, but I want to. I also don’t wanna scare him, because he’s a great man. I’m sorry this is so long but what would you advise to keep this going?

    1. Avatar

      Candy

      December 3, 2015 at 7:06 am

      Thank you for that.

      The man I’m currently talking to lives 3000 miles away, so making dates is near impossible. Especially since he is deploying. We also don’t talk on the phone much at all, we’re mainly texters or snapchatters. I am trying to back away now, sincell i spoke to him a little bit tonight. I told him I missed him and California. He said “do you” I told him I did, and he asked why. So I’m still confused. But I am giving him space, if that’s what he needs. Any advice?

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 3, 2015 at 5:13 am

      Hey thanks for the support. That situation you were in can be very difficult. LDR’s are tough to begin with but with being deployed that makes it even harder but it sounds like it worked out for the best. You don’t want to be with a cheater.

      Always look at men’s actions. Words are very easy. Some men are so good with words they can lead women on for years. I would advise to start getting to busy for him as well. Make your conversations super exciting but tell him you have to get off the phone (tell him before he tells you.) Meet up with him for a date but end the date first. Always have a good time, since you two are in the military I’m assuming you both like excitement. Pick dates that are really fun and action packed.

  19. Avatar

    Ana

    November 30, 2015 at 10:05 pm

    Hello Chris, I am currently in the NC period and have only a few days left. I restarted it since I messaged my ex about a week after he broke up with me, however I wasn’t clingy or begging him to take be back. Now I have not contacted him for almost 30 days. In 5 days my brother, who studies at the same university as my ex and knows my ex very well, will have a performance at uni and I know my ex and his family will be there to watch. So I’m pretty certain we’re going to meet… Should I contact him before I meet him, and what do you think is suitable to say? Or should I wait and try to talk to him at the performance?

    We were together for over a year and had a few arguments during our time together, but never had a proper fight. His reason to brake up with me was “because he didn’t feel like seeing me anymore” which I think was a really lame excuse… But, during the last month I have actually become happy and spend a lot of time with my friends, I am both enjoying life and focusing on my self and my own goals. I’m not crying over him and feel emotionally stable. He has not contacted me since the brake up, except for when I messaged him (and then started the NC over).

  20. Avatar

    clara

    November 30, 2015 at 11:54 am

    Hi i broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago he messed up by lying and cheating but i think i want to forgive him and give it another try.He has blocked me from all social media and his phone i am hesitant on reaching out to him he may think i don’t have respect for myself after all he has done i am still chasing him.I want him to reach out but i dont know how to get his attention i don’t want to use friends as well.How do i get him to make the first move

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2015 at 9:43 pm

      Thats strange… He cheated on you and yet he is the one blocking you?

      It should be the other way around.

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