What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

How To Get Him Back If The Breakup Was Your Fault

I get so jealous of people who can break up on good terms. You know, the couples that say things like, 

“Oh, we broke up, but it was mutual.”

How do you “mutually” agree to end a relationship?
How is it possible that after everything you’ve been through together you just decide,
“Eh, we gave it a try. Let’s just stop this bus here?”
I know. I know. There is more to it than that. It is likely much more complicated than the way I imagine it. And, okay yes, people really do break up mutually, without finding any fault with each other. It just… isn’t the right fit.
For me, it’s always been the more complicated route that gets you to the same destination.
Blame is a tricky thing. Sometimes it is your fault and sometimes people just assume it is your fault. It doesn’t always matter if it is true or not.
What I’ve found is that, after a breakup, both parties find reasons to feel at fault, regardless of who’s fault it was.
So, as the title of this article stated, today we are going to address gaining some clarity and perspective if you are shouldering some fault, whether it’s yours to bear or not.
Perhaps that’s why you’re here reading this article because you feel like it was your fault your ex broke up with you? Or maybe it’s that you were the one who caused the breakup and you’re wondering if there is something you can do to fix it.
Whatever the reason you find yourself here reading this article today, there is something at EBR for you. This is what we are going to cover today:
  1. No, The Breakup Wasn’t Really My Fault, But It Feels Like It Was
  2. If We Are Being Honest, We Were Both At Fault
  3. Yes, The Breakup Was Definitely My Fault, Is There Anything I Can Do?
  4. What Can I Do To Get Him Back?

Blame and fault aren’t really black and white like I thought they were when I was younger.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

If you’re wondering how you to find out if you are the one at fault for the relationship ending, I would suggest you do a little reflecting on your relationship and do it while you’re in No Contact. I spent my own No Contact period thinking about my relationship from different points of view, not just my own.
If you’re completely new to the EBR program, No Contact is pretty easy to understand:
No Contact is a period of time in which you ignore your ex DELIBERATELY in an attempt to make them miss you more and ultimately allow them time to erase any bad feelings they have towards you. It also simultaneously provides you an avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual.
During this time you’re not only giving your ex time to miss you while he’s healing from the breakup. You’re giving yourself time to heal too.
It is a good chance to really dissect the good and the bad aspects of the relationship, just don’t dwell on it too long. You can get stuck there. Reflecting on it gives you a good sense of clarity.
 The trick is to avoid the what-ifs.
“What if I always picked too many fights with him?”
“What if I showed him I didn’t trust him when I kept checking his phone?”
“What if I nagged him too much and he got sick of it?”
“What if I pushed him into a relationship he wasn’t ready for?”
The last two were personal for me. I asked myself those questions a lot during my reflection.
Like I said earlier, it’s just a chance for you to take a look at your relationship and see if there were parts already in danger.
It’s easy to be a little self-absorbed in a relationship. I mean, not many people make a habit of seeing things from other peoples’ perspectives. Hopefully reflecting on your relationship in this manner can give you a little understanding of where the blame really lies.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

The Breakup Wasn’t Really Your Fault, But It Feels Like It Was

There are plenty of reasons you could be feeling like the breakup was your fault when it wasn’t.

I mean, you can’t do things 100% right 100% of the time. You are only human.

Are You Blaming Yourself For The Breakup?

I definitely blamed myself after mine and it got me nowhere in my healing process.
When my ex broke up with me, he basically cited our religious beliefs as one of the reasons he wanted to end it, among other things.
It was really a combination of several things. We both had busy weekend schedules. He had his golf, I was working on the weekends. Every weekend, even though he knew I had been working, he would ask if I had gone to church. I had mentioned to him once before that I really wanted to go back. He eventually started going back to church on his own, but I couldn’t follow suit because I was scheduled to work every single weekend.
When we broke up, I was convinced my not going to church was the reason our relationship fell apart. I spent months blaming myself for that.
“If only I made going to church a piority for him.”
It’s a normal reaction to think this way. It’s human. Children blame themselves for their parents splitting up when there are plenty of reasons that they have no clue about. It is ridiculous how many times we blame only ourselves for things that we did and things that we didn’t even do or things that didn’t even matter.
In my case, I was trying to protect my ex from being “the bad guy” in the whole situation. Personally, I didn’t want my family and friends to think of him as the reason I was hurting. I did this even though he had made himself the bad guy in the first place by hurting me. I wanted him to be the good guy I always thought he was, which is probably why I spent way more time blaming myself than blaming him.
Yes, as humans, we can be a little self-centered. But when it comes to people we care about, we rarely hesitate in putting their feelings above our own. So, you could be blaming yourself needlessly when you really didn’t do anything wrong.
Then again you could be blaming yourself because you don’t want to see that maybe this relationship wasn’t very good for you in the first place
Then again, maybe you’re blaming yourself because you’re scared or too comfortable living in the past to start something new with someone else.
Whatever, the cause for your hesitancy, if you did not actually do anything wrong then blaming yourself isn’t going to make things better for you. In fact, it’s more likely to make you feel worse… and worse.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Is Your Ex Blaming You For Something That Wasn’t Your Fault

Most of the time, when relationships end, it has a lot to do with mistrust and misunderstanding. 
This can be caused by:
Miscommunication – This is the main reason for relationships falling apart. Healthy communication is something that is necessary for a relationship to thrive.
Outside Forces – What I mean by that is that other people could have pumped information, opinions, or even rumors into your relationship during and probably even after the breakup. When that happens, expectations and even opinions of each other can be skewed. Your ex may be blaming you because of misinformation from those outside sources.
 In this case, your ex probably already has his mindset, so it is better to let him cool off. Remember in No Contact, part of it is to “ultimately allow them time to erase any bad feelings towards you.” If he is feeling negative about you right now, whether or not it was your fault, you need to let him have this time to himself. If you don’t, you could push him into further resistance to talk to you and could create more bad feelings towards your instead of erasing them.
 No Contact is 21, 30, 45 days. Once you let enough time pass, using the No Contact Method, you can reach out using the Process laid out in Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. 
Like I said, miscommunication is a big part of why relationships fail in the first place. Use your time during No Contact to learn how to communicate healthily within a relationship.
You should work on The Holy Trinity. If you aren’t sure what that is, watch the video below.

Then, when you have completed No Contact, re-established rapport, and are considering getting back together…
…well, for one, you should come back and tell us about it…
…and two, you should talk CALMLY and REASONABLY about the parts you both played in the decline of your relationship. TOGETHER, talk about what you can do to improve in the future.
It’s important to listen to his side and make an effort to understand where he is coming from. Remember, the goal here is not to lay blame, but to find solutions to the problems of the past.
 Just remember – give him time, give him space. Don’t push him because it will ultimately just push him into a state of resentment. And don’t draw out the conversation. If you are struggling to communicate, then sometimes it is best to leave the past in the past. Admit that there were mistakes made, that both of you played a part, and that you will work together to overcome them as you move forward together.

The Breakup Was Definitely Your Fault, What Can You Do?

So, you do know that you messed up and it was all your fault? What can you do then?

Own Up to Your Actions

Own up to your faults. Do not try to deny it or pretend like it never happened. If you truly want your ex back, you shouldn’t run away or avoid the problem. As I always say, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” And as others say, actions speak louder than words.
Don’t just admit that you screwed up. Change your behavior.
Like I mentioned in the previous section it will take time for your ex to heal from that emotional wound. But if it is too big, you’re probably going to have to give your ex a long No Contact to get over it.
Even then, if you have not made changes to your behavior, your ex will not see a reason to get back together.

You Cheated On Him

Specifically, if you cheated on him, that emotional pain is going to take a long time to heal from. Give him his space and time to reflect, which will give you time to reflect on your actions and its consequences. This is also a good time to perform an “Act of Contrition” if you will, or a way to show that your actions were a one-time thing and you fully intend for it to never happen again.
It’s highly suggested in Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro to cut off any and all ties with the person you cheated with. So when you do your No Contact period, you have practiced it on both your ex (to let him recover) and the person you cheated with (because you want to end that relationship entirely.) After that has been settled, you will then have to practice something called a “Mindset Shift”, which is changing or eliminating any type of behavior that might lead your ex to believe you will cheat again.
You don’t want to give him any more reasons to think that you’re going to repeat the betrayal. You will be tempted during No Contact to go out and live the single life. However, in the case of cheating, you will want to focus on self-improvement and avoid situations that might lead to more. Your ex is unlikely to consider any interaction with men during No Contact kindly.

Can I Still Get Him Back?

I don’t pretend to know all of your situations. However, we have seen nearly every situation there is here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

The answer is yes!

No matter what your situation, there is always a chance.

There is one way that you can diminish that chance before you ever get through No Contact. And that is to allow your emotions lead you to break No Contact.

Read this article on How To Stay In No Contact. It will help you avoid the most common mistake people make trying to get their ex back.

You might know this already, but I feel like it needs to be repeated: It won’t be an easy fix and it will take time for your ex to even consider getting back together with you if he thinks you are at fault in some way. So while these steps will help get you at peace with your ex, it might take him longer to finally forgive you for everything and give you another chance. So, be patient.
As long as you follow the EBR process and remember to be patient in the process, no matter how impossible it seems.

The Take-Away

When it comes to finding fault after a breakup, people tend to see fault where it isn’t, even in themselves. After reading this article you should be prepared to:

  1. Learn How To Communicate Healthily in a Relationship
  2. Admit Any Contribution You Had to the Failure of The Relationship
  3. Commit to the EBR Process Completely
  4. Most Importantly, Be Patient

Only then, will your chances of getting your ex improve. For now, I want to start a conversation in the comments below. Tell me about your breakup.

  1. The details surrounding your breakup
  2. What you have done since the breakup
  3. What you think your best next step is after reading this article

Our expert will help you discern what your next action should be.


Written by EBR Teamate


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12 thoughts on “How To Get Him Back If The Breakup Was Your Fault”

  1. Zara

    March 5, 2018 at 10:37 am

    Hey Amor! The relationship was short and long distance one month and a half but we really liked each other instantly. I loved his personality above all but thought he was spectacularly handsome. I had the feeling we really clicked. At some point he was sick so we didn’t see each other and after that he was really stressed by a situation so we didn’t see each other for 2 weeks and I felt he didn’t want to see me anymore it that I wasn’t a priority. We had a small fight abt it and I told him I wanted to stop but went back on my words in the same convo. He asked me to never threaten to end things again. That same week we were still figuring out when we would see each other and I again had the feeling he was not putting any effort into it. I sent him a message to say that I needed to step back because I felt I was putting too much pressure on him and of course he understood it as me threatening again. We spoke on the phone and had a huge fight not really abt it but on on my intuition that he was not saying smth. He said that he was not saying smth and I said that I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t telling me everything. I realized it was extreme but too late cause he said he was out. After that I texted him sporadically for one week and he texted back once to say smth bad had happened in his family. The week after I texted way more and I ended up being a gnat big time. He finally sent a message to say that he wanted to stop and that the reason was my behavior and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship( it’s not u its me but it’s u kinda thing). I am on day 31 of NC aiming for 45. He hasn’t given any sign of life. The first two weeks were horrible but I have been taking care of my health big time (going to the gym, meditating, doctors checks) and doing lots of activities with friends, old friends, new friends (not posting that much on fb yet) and even going on dates. The dark horse in my trinity is wealth cause my job situation wasn’t great when I met him but it went to worse. I am really trying my best but I feel that if I don’t get this sh***t sorted before I break the no contact it won’t fly. What do u think I could do to boost that side of my life? And do u think that after such a short relationship-ish and a big fight that there is still a chance?
    Many thanks keep doing what ur doing

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 7:53 am

      Hi Zara,

      How did you meet? You can continue working on your wealth side while rebuilding rapport with him.. Are you building new skills?

  2. Kimberly

    March 5, 2018 at 4:04 am

    I have jealousy/trust issues due to my previous husband and long term boyfriend both cheating on me. My current boyfriend and I have been together over a year. When things are good with us it’s a wonderful thing. But when my jealousy comes out he is completely turned off. Last week my jealousy ruined a fun evening and we got into an argument. He told me that he didn’t think I would ever get over my trust issues and that we are no longer boyfriend/girlfriend…just 2 people dating. I kept asking him if he wanted to date others but he wouldn’t answer. I told him that if he was going to date others then I would no longer see him. It’s been a week and I haven’t seen him. He does text me once in a while being playful but I’ve stopped responding. I’m reading a book to understand & get control of my trust issues because I don’t want to have this problem anymore. Do you think he and I still have a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 7:26 am

      Hi Kimberly,

      Have you tried our quiz? If he just wants casual, then yes, he means he wants to date other girls..

  3. A. Merriweather

    March 4, 2018 at 6:17 pm

    In 2016 i met my first real boyfriend jay. Our relationship was great but coming up to 2017 our comunication got bad. Some days he would be hot or cold towards me, some days we would have a good conversation and some days we would have a bad conversation. At one point we wasnt talking at all so, i thought our relationship was over and i met a new boy and we got into a relationship on april 6, 2017. That relationship ended this year and i wanted to go back to jay. However my jay told me that i cheated on him with the boy i had recently broke up with because jay said he never said that the relationship was over in the first place. Which i did cheat because when i re-checked my messages they showed jay never said that the relationship was over. Now i want him back but he has a girlfriend and i dont know what to do to get him back now

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 8, 2018 at 5:26 pm

  4. AJ

    March 4, 2018 at 1:55 am

    My ex boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half and we fought a lot. Almost all of the fights were started by myself. I would get really upset about really little things and I wasn’t doing much to control it. We had broken up for a few days about five times over some arguments, and then we broke up for a month. That was four months ago. We got back together because I basically harassed him until he came home. Then we were having issues again when we got back together. I was acting the same way and he left a month and a half ago, saying that I was the woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with but I hated everything about him and he couldn’t deal with my shit anymore. At the beginning of the breakup, I would send him a message every day or two telling him that i was sorry, I miss him, and I’m willing to do whatever I need to in order to fix things. He never really responded, and so I finally messaged him and told him that I was going to move on because it seemed like that’s what he wanted. He messaged back the next day and said he just needs space. So I left him alone for three days and then asked him if he new what he wanted yet. He said he didn’t know and told me that I hadn’t left him alone, so I left him alone for a week and then messaged him and told him I needed to know what he wanted. I sent him about seven different messages telling him that i loved him and wanted to fix things and I said I just needed to know that he wanted the same. His response was “we have two options; one, we move on. And two, we get back together and the second one isn’t an option.” I left him alone for three weeks after saying goodbye. I talked to his mom basically every day, but left him alone completely. Then a few days ago, I messaged him and asked him if he wanted me to drop off an item of his and said that I wanted to talk. He said no. He said we had nothing to talk about and that I should know why things are the way they are. He said he tried but he wasn’t good enough and you deserve someone that’s not me. He said he’s not who I want. I responded by apologizing for the way that I treated him and said that I was unhappy because of my own issues. He didn’t respond and I left it alone. He messaged me for the first time yesterday, asking me about his phone. I answered and left it at that. I think that the only thing I can do at this point is leave him alone and work on getting things straightened out in my own life. I realize the breakup was my fault, as were most of my issues. I take responsibility and am in the process of being a better me.

  5. Jen

    March 1, 2018 at 12:41 pm


    My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2.5 years. He moved to college in January and we both visited each other in the last two months. This past Saturday I called him and we talked on the phone to discuss about spring break plans. Everything was going smoothly until an argument escalated. From their he told me, “I don’t want this anymore, I don’t love you, it’s done.” I did everything in the book not to. I pleaded, cried, and I didn’t want to believe it. He told me to see other people. He told me he’s not going to change his mind. I’m completely heart broken because I loved him so much, and I wanted this relationship to work out. Should I move on or try to get him back.

    *I was his first for everything. He doesn’t have much relationship experience and he doesn’t do well with stress, and he’s told me he’s very stressed with school. I’ve seen what he’s exposed to with his friends. They party every weekend, and girls are coming and going.*

    What should I do?


  6. Amy

    February 28, 2018 at 2:17 pm

    I broke up with him after I put him down, flirted with guys online to get his attention, picked on him for all of his faults. Then I begged him back for the first week … and he wants nothing to do with me. He asked me to give him space and that I was right this hasn’t been working out. I have not reached out to him for the past two days and it’s killing me. 🙁 we were together two years and he left.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 11:18 am

  7. maggie

    February 26, 2018 at 11:12 pm

    I’ve spent the last 2 months trying to convince my ex-boyfriend that I’ve changed for the better – I had trust issues and couldn’t seem to relax. The last two months we’ve had periodic communication where I’ve tried to explain myself away. It doesn’t help that we are in a long-distance relationship for 8 months. Is this situation hopeless? It’s been 4 days NC. I’m really trying. He seems to want nothing to do with me at this point and has rebuffed any chance of getting back together. Help! I don’t know what to do. I’ve done the clean slate email, I’ve tried everything. I am so worried he’s lost all feeling for me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 2:39 pm