Why Did My Ex Boyfriend Break Up With Me

An ex boyfriend can have many reasons for why he wants to break up with you.

Sometimes he will not tell you. Or if he does, what he says may not be a full picture of what is going on in his mind.

If your boyfriend has decided to call it quits, just know that what he says is the reason for the breakup and the actual real causes of the split, are not always the same thing.

Most guys just don’t tell you the whole story.  Your ex can be slippery with the real reasons for why he wanted to end the relationship. Like most guys, your boyfriend may be reluctant to come completely clean because he is avoiding a confrontation. It is also entirely possible he is not even sure what he really wants.

Maybe he is trying to spare your feelings.  Perhaps he doesn’t have a clue what is causing him to break the news to you.

But don’t expect your ex to suddenly find a truth serum and reveal what really caused him to break it off with you.

And guess what?  In the end, it really may not matter all that much.

Your Ex Boyfriend – A Knight in Shining Armour?

Your ex boyfriend is no Knight in Shining Armour.

But, I guess you know that already.

He probably did a number of things that didn’t sit well with you.  I understand you are seeking the real reason for why he gave up on what the two of you had. Most people think there is this one thing…that one event or incident that can cause the relationship to go haywire and come tumbling down.

All you probably want to know is what is that one thing that was responsible for tearing the two of you apart.

You may think, “if I find what it is, we can fix it immediately”.  

You may think to yourself, “it couldn’t be my looks” because your ex was always getting mad about guys hitting on you.

It sure was not the sex”, you may think, because your ex boyfriend seemed to be very satisfied.

So you wrack your brain trying to figure out what really caused your ex boyfriend to bail out of the relationship.

Knowing the mind of a man is as difficult for women as it is for men who are constantly trying to understand the nature of women.

It is not an easy task to climb into your ex boyfriend’s psyche, unless you have some clues as to how men think.

That is what I am here for!

The Mind of the Breakup Man

 

My experience with guys who are on the wrong side of a breakup is that their ex girlfriend is usually a bit more gentle in their handling of the situation.

Women tend to be more passive aggressive in delivering the news and are not often directly confrontational.

Guys, on the other hand, tend to be more direct and less sensitive to how this relationship development is going to effect their girlfriend.  They tend to be less contemplative and more impulsive and reactionary.

You are not a mind reader, but when your boyfriend starts to avoid you and not return your calls for what seems like forever, you usually know something is up.  Something with your ex is off.

When your ex boyfriend rarely answers your texts or when he does, replies with only one or two words, you are probably right to feel that your boyfriend is pulling away.

Why does a boyfriend seem perfectly happy about the two of you, then suddenly you find yourself sitting across from him having the “talk”.  Can you believe him when he is telling you that he is not ready to get so serious or that things are moving too fast?  Can you trust him when he tells you that he just “needs some time” to work things out in his mind?

I don’t know your specific situation.

Maybe your ex was a really special guy and what he told you was the god’s honest truth.

Nothing more.  Nothing less.

But my experience in dealing with thousands of boyfriend break ups is that there are always a few more wrinkles to what triggered the downfall of the relationship.

To make matters even more confusing, in some of the breakup situations, a guy may not have a  good handle on what he really want.  Your ex may have a vague sense of how to weigh the advantages and disadvantages of the relationship.

It is possible, your ex boyfriend is impulsive.  He could be somewhat immature and inexperienced in dealing with the ups and downs a typical couple faces.

So you see, understanding these things about what drives a guy to give up on the relationship is far more involved that one would think.  But if you can draw a bit closer to what was going on inside the mind of your boyfriend, it might just offer you some valuable insights that you can put to work if you chose to reunite with him.

Think about it this way…

All you want is the truth. But if truth be told, you probably want something else.  You may still be thinking about getting your ex boyfriend back, but not the one who told he wanted to quit the relationship, but the guy who you fell in love with.

A part of you wants to forget the whole breakup episode ever happened.  And sometimes you also probably want to club him over the head for putting you through all of this.  My guess is that you are still very angry at him for breaking your heart and stripping away your dreams.

So what are you to do?  And why on earth did he really leave you?

What Are the Reasons For Why An Ex Boyfriend Dumps His Girlfriend

The problem with listening to what your ex is telling you when he is parting ways is that you seldom get the whole truth.

Sometimes your ex will speak in code.

He will tell you on one hand that you are “great” and “didn’t do anything wrong“.  After listening to all these compliments for a while, you can’t help but think that if you were everything he said, then no one in their right mind would ever break up with you.

You might think to yourself, “Jeez, what a bunch of baloney. I wish he would stop beating around the bush.  I am sick of this passive crap.”

The “Passive Breakup Man”

So that is usually your first clue that you are NOT getting the straight truth.

When his breakup reasons come out in dribbles, you can’t help but scream out loud inside. You know what is coming.  You know he is breaking up with you. But he just can’t seem to get around to doing it.

And if your ex’s reasoning sounds feeble or incomprehensible, it just makes things worst.

So this is one way in which your ex boyfriend might break the bad relationship news to you.

I think of breakup explanations like that as coming from the “The Passive Breakup Man“.  Many guys who break up with their girlfriends usually fall into this category.

Here are some of the lines the “Passive Breakup Guy” will usually produce when he finally gets around to doing the deed.

Honey, I have been wanting to tell you this for awhile. But I think we need to take a little break.  Just for a short while.  I am really overwhelmed at work (or school….or some personal commitment….etc) and just need some time to figure everything out.  I really don’t want to let you down.  You are the greatest and so…well…(he pauses or stutters), let’s just take a break for a spell.”

It makes you sick just reading it doesn’t!

What he may be really saying (but is too afraid for any number of reasons) is:

Let’s just call off this romance.  I have way too many things I want to do and you are getting in the way.  Things have not been so bad, but I want to be free to pursue other options.”

Why Did He Really Breakup With You?

Now can we be sure if a guy uses a line like the one above that he really means what I translated?

No, of course not.

We can never be sure exactly why anyone does anything.

But with the Passive kind of breakup guy, we have some clues.

I have worked with many thousands of women and when they tell me they have been dealt the Passive Breakup Card by their boyfriend, it is usually because he is not ready to be tied down.

Some guys are like that.

Just went they get a good thing going, they get scared over the notion of making a commitment.  Or sometimes the guy feels the relationship is moving too fast and wants to slow it down.

Then you also have guys who are trying to figure out if you are indeed “The One“.   What better way (they think) to test that question than just going out and playing the field.  I know it sounds stupid, but there are plenty of guys that take that path.

So if this is what happened to you, does that mean your man really knows what he wants?

Probably not.

Is it possible that your ex boyfriend has been bitten by the “grass is greener” syndrome?

It is possible, maybe even likely.

Or he is a little scared of commitment and needs time to process things?

This is very much in the cards.

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Are You and He Meant For Each Other?

Ah, a question for the ages.

Everybody wants to know the answer to this.

Is dating like a game of pin ball? You randomly run into someone, fall in love and hope for the best?

Well, I sure hope not.

But think of it this way.  If the Passive Break up Man decides to call it quits with you, just maybe it is for the best.

Just possibly, he and you are not the best fit.

Please don’t take that wrong!

Remember, I did say “maybe” and “possibly”!!

Look, here is my take on this.

We are all just trying to find our way through this jungle we call “life“.  And sometimes we meet someone and fall in love, but the connection is not as strong as it might be with another.

How do I know that you and your ex boyfriend are not really destined to be with each other and that he and you will make a great pair?

Well, first of all,  I don’t believe in destiny.  Sorry!

I believe in that feather that’s drifting around in the movie, “Forest Gump”.

There is a certain degree of randomness and uncertainty in the different relationship paths we take.

But we can learn from the past and apply those lessons to the future. Your first, second, even third boyfriend experiences may not have been the most optimum choices for you.  But the idea is you learn and get better at selecting someone who has similar values as you do and who is more compatible with you.

So until you and your boyfriend have more information about yourselves and how you are as a couple, you probably won’t know if the two of will be a successful couple.

Sometimes two people need to breakup to discover just how important they are to each other.  There are no simple answers.  Just like there are no quick, get your ex back solutions.

It shouldn’t work that way.

If you do end up back together, that process of finding each other again should never be rushed.

The main thing you can take away when your boyfriend delivers the breakup news to you in this fashion is that the chances of the two of you getting back together is pretty decent.

If he cares enough not to bruise your feelings, then it is likely that the two of you had some pretty good experiences together.  And if he is confused about what he wants or is smitten with the grass is greener notion and wants to explore the field, then perhaps that is not such a bad thing.  Yes, it will hurt and disappoint you.  But wouldn’t you rather know this about him before you got married.

The Angry Break Up Man

When I talk with clients, they tell me all about the highs and lows about their breakup experiences.

“Highs!” you ask. “There are highs?”.

Absolutely there will be some high points as you work through your recovery!

But since we must, let’s talk first about some of the lows.  Once in awhile I hear from my clients about their experiences with the “Angry Break up Guy”.  This is the guy who, for whatever reason, chooses to simply go ballistic.

Whatever has set him off, is a huge question in itself. And sometimes it can be very revealing if you peel back the layers.

What matters is that there are some guys who handle a breakup very poorly.  Their language can get abusive before, during, and after all the breakup phases.  And by the way, if your boyfriend is every physically abusive, then get away and stay away.

The angry boyfriend usually does not call an end to a relationship so much because of something you think you did wrong.

Sure, you are no perfect.  Who is?

Maybe you did something to help trigger the anger fit.

But If you peel back all the layers of his anger to get to its origins, you will usually find something that is inherently wrong in how he deals with stress and difficult situations.

There is usually some kind of dysfunction within the person who frequently flies off the handle.

It could be due to his jaded and cynical view of women.

It may be he is predisposed to behaving in this fashion because of his upbringing or personality type.

He may be exceptional impulsive in how he reacts in his environment.

But seldom is it because of something terrible you did.

He may try to position it in that way.  And possibly throughout the relationship has fumed about this or that and tried to pin you with all the blame.   But my experience with dealing with the angry types is they are working through something. They may have some type of hang up and it could be best for you to immediately get clear of this person.

Though you may still be psychologically drawn to him due to the the grip love can have on one, my advice to you is get yourself right into the No Contact Period and really stick with it.

An angry boyfriend can fairly quickly change his stripes and be Mr. Nice Guy.  But too often I have seen women prematurely reconnect with this type of ex boyfriend, only to regret it later when his angry and abusive ways return.

The Avoidance Break Up Man

There are also guys who do everything they can think of to avoid telling you they want out of the relationship.

There are all kinds of flavors of these types of guys.  One type can be described as the passive-aggressive boyfriend who tries to pick a fight with you hoping you will do him the favor of ending the relationship.

A subset of this avoidance type of boyfriend is the kind who decide to simply update their dating or availability profile on whatever social media platform they use.  This kind of guy is trying to kill two birds with one stone.  He wants to get started with “testing the field” and at the same time is hoping you or a friend of yours will find out about it.  In his twisted way of thinking, he figures this is his way out of having to actually tell you he doesn’t want to see you anymore.

Then there is the boyfriend who practices the art of ghosting you out of his life.

I really think this is a cowardly and cruel act.

This kind of boyfriend just disappears.  You don’t see him or hear from him.

He does not respond in any way to text messages or phone calls.  You know he is out there because you have reliable reports from others that he has been spotted.  But he does not care to even tell you that the relationship is over, never mind why.

Then there is the guy who takes it right up to the very edge, then pulls back either due to uncertainty or he simply chickens out.  This kind of boyfriend just can’t seem to make up his mind.  He may be indecisive by nature or he is thoroughly confused about how he feels about things.

Why Do These Guys Act This Way?

So what is the underlying reason why he is really wants to part ways with you?

Often, it is not something huge.

Otherwise, your boyfriend would not adopt the avoidance attitude.

It is usually a number of small things that add up in his mind.  Somewhere along the way your guy does the relationship math in his head and if he does not like what sum he arrives at, he must just be looking to bail.

Now how he comes up with his math and how he prioritizes things is subject to all kinds of uncertainties.

Look, your ex boyfriend is probably no relationship whiz and if he does have a lot of experience, he may have no benchmark for what is a good, neutral, or qualifies as a bad relationship.

It is also possible he is a selfish type and broke up with you because he “Wants It All” (whatever that means!) and feels you can’t deliver.  My experience with these types is they sometimes get a taste of the “real world” and later to realize they had it “good” with you all along.

So what is one to do with the kind of guy who seems incapable of taking a stand?

Well, in most of these cases I have spend this post talking abut, the solution is similar.

You need to adopt what I call the Holy Princess Principle!

The Holy Princess Principle

You may never fully understand why your ex boyfriend took it upon himself to tell you that he wanted out of the relationship.

Or maybe you have a pretty good idea of what motivated him to leave.

Either way, I think your response should be heartfelt, but tactical in its delivery. I think you should go full out with the Holy Princess Principle.  You should project the image of someone making a clean break.

What on earth is that, you may ask!

At some point, you will have an opportunity to try and close the breakup loop with your ex boyfriend.  Often, when you hear that you ex wants “out“, you will be in partial shock.  Invariably, what will happen is there will be a second or sometimes a third followup conversation.  Not all breakups are clean and immediate.  Many usually have a sputtering end.  At some point, you want to invoke the Princess Principle.

It involves taking the high road immediately after the break up. Some day, you will look back and feel pride about how you handled this most difficult conversation.  And, by handling the conversation in this manner, you increase your chances of re-attracting your ex boyfriend if you later choose that path to explore.

While you may be angry or confused about the reasons surrounding his decision to end the relationship, you will benefit more by embarking on a journey of No Contact with your ex boyfriend.  You don’t want to be perceived as the one who couldn’t let go.

Instinctively, people seek closure when things end.

We want to know why it happened and understand all the details around it.  But, I think it can be problematic to get lost in chasing after answers you might never get.   Sure, if there are lessons to be learned, you want to apply those.  But you may find more answers by simply spending some quiet time with yourself and asking, “What could I have done differently?”  You might surprise yourself with the quality of information you already know.   Don’t expect that you will get the full truth and depth of answers you are seeking from your ex.

So how would a Princess handle her boyfriend in a situation like this?

She would handle it like a gem and as a result maintain the upper hand in the discussion.

She would not be begging for her boyfriend to reverse his decision. She would not plead for answers or be given another chance.  The Princess would acknowledge what has been said, ask for clarification, accept it, and move one.

She can do this because she has is empowered.  In effect, the Holy Princess is the Ungettable Girl.

Now in reality, you may not feel this way inside.

But this is how you want to project yourself.  This is how you wish to be perceived by your ex boyfriend.  It helps you in the short run to get past all of the emotions of the moment.  You will benefit in the long run when your boyfriend sees you as an strong, independent woman.  It will also cause him to mentally (or subconsciously) second guess himself about whether he did the right thing by leaving you.

So how would you carry out the Princess dialogue?  What would you say exactly?

Try this on for size:

“I know this was hard for you.  I can see your are struggling.  I too am having a hard time with it.  I am heartbroken for us both. But I want to thank you for helping create all the beautiful moments and experiences we shared together.  I am going to NOW need some time to myself.  Know that I love you.”

Then turn and walk away from him. You are now entering the No Contact phase.

(Can you see that the little love daggers are flying!)

Go about rebuilding your life.

During the time that you are engaged with the No Contact Period, please seek to become the “Ungettable Girl”, which I talk about throughout my website.  As result of this process you will be much better off and in better position to decide what you want to do going forward.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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144 Comments on "Why Did My Ex Boyfriend Break Up With Me"

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Confused
Guest
Hello, My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago after dating for three months. Things started out great in the beginning. Though, I will admit we did go a little fast. Of course though after the first couple of months things started to slow down and we were just starting to become more comfortable around eachother. I was staying at his place pretty frequently since I currently live with my mother and he has a house of his own. I’m 24 and he’s 28. He even had made me a key after about a month and a half… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it’s a small chance because it’s a short relationship. I assume he moved far and it would be ldr if you ever get back together so, that’s another issue..but how much did you improve and how active were you in posting during nc?

Confused
Guest
Hello, My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago after dating for three months. Things started out great in the beginning. Though, I will admit we did go a little fast. Of course though after the first couple of months things started to slow down and we were just starting to become more comfortable around eachother. I was staying at his place pretty frequently since I currently live with my mother and he has a house of his own. I’m 24 and he’s 28. He even had made me a key after about a month and a half… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it’s a small chance because it’s a short relationship. I assume he moved far and it would be ldr if you ever get back together so, that’s another issue..but how much did you improve and how active were you in posting during nc?

rose
Guest
About a month ago my boyfriend of six months broke up with me, completely pulling the rug from under me. He said that a month before the breakup his feelings changed and he fell out of love with me, and that there was something about me that made him lose interest and think us incompatible. However I know he was stressed at the time, and he said that when he was less stressed his feelings came back and he felt better. He is happy with me, and enjoys my company, thinks we could be friends but not dating. In the… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rose,

he might have related you to stress because of the fights.. do nc, improve yourself and then dont apologize after. just slowly rebuild rapport..

rose
Guest
About a month ago my boyfriend of six months broke up with me, completely pulling the rug from under me. He said that a month before the breakup his feelings changed and he fell out of love with me, and that there was something about me that made him lose interest and think us incompatible. However I know he was stressed at the time, and he said that when he was less stressed his feelings came back and he felt better. He is happy with me, and enjoys my company, thinks we could be friends but not dating. In the… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rose,

he might have related you to stress because of the fights.. do nc, improve yourself and then dont apologize after. just slowly rebuild rapport..

rose
Guest
About a month ago my boyfriend of six months broke up with me, completely pulling the rug from under me. He said that a month before the breakup his feelings changed and he fell out of love with me, and that there was something about me that made him lose interest and think us incompatible. However I know he was stressed at the time, and he said that when he was less stressed his feelings came back and he felt better. He is happy with me, and enjoys my company, thinks we could be friends but not dating. In the… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rose,

he might have related you to stress because of the fights.. do nc, improve yourself and then dont apologize after. just slowly rebuild rapport..

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sara,

Are you sure you want to abort the baby? I think you need to think about first before it becomes an emotional decision. I don’t want to raise your hopes up, but if it’s because he didn’t admit the baby, then you really have to take a step back first but of course if it your decision not to continue the pregnancy, I respect that. How are you now?

rose
Guest
About a month ago my boyfriend of six months broke up with me, completely pulling the rug from under me. He said that a month before the breakup his feelings changed and he fell out of love with me, and that there was something about me that made him lose interest and think us incompatible. However I know he was stressed at the time, and he said that when he was less stressed his feelings came back and he felt better. He is happy with me, and enjoys my company, thinks we could be friends but not dating. In the… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rose,

he might have related you to stress because of the fights.. do nc, improve yourself and then dont apologize after. just slowly rebuild rapport..

Rose
Guest
Its been a month since my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I know he’s been stressed lately, however he wasn’t distant and repeatedly said things were fine, that he was ok, he was happy with me. And he said he still wanted to give me a happy valentines day, so he waited until after to break up. Things seemed fine, we got into two little annoyances right before he broke up with me, however even when we were talking about them I said “Once these tough times are over” and other things to let him know that… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rose,

he might have related you to stress because of the fights.. do nc, improve yourself and then dont apologize after. just slowly rebuild rapport..

Rose
Guest
Its been a month since my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I know he’s been stressed lately, however he wasn’t distant and repeatedly said things were fine, that he was ok, he was happy with me. And he said he still wanted to give me a happy valentines day, so he waited until after to break up. Things seemed fine, we got into two little annoyances right before he broke up with me, however even when we were talking about them I said “Once these tough times are over” and other things to let him know that… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rose,

he might have related you to stress because of the fights.. do nc, improve yourself and then dont apologize after. just slowly rebuild rapport..

Jenny
Guest
I had a mostly long distance relationship with an ex boyfriend. When I moved back to the area, he broke up with me and didn’t talk to me for months. Eventually we became friends again and he tried to re initiate our relationship but I refused. Later I started dating a good mutual friend of ours who hangs out with my ex at work. About a month in, this guy abruptly broke up with me because he said he didn’t want a relationship. After that, my ex swooped in and started flirting and told me he missed me etc. Is… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jenny,

you mean how to get the new guy back? Yeah, that’s possible but it also doesn’t make sense. He probably knows your ex has been trying to get you back before and you refused, why would he break up with you when he knows you already refused your ex before? It’s more likely that he thought it’s going too fast, or its too awkward for him because you’re a friend’s ex..

Jenny
Guest
I made it clear when we started dating that there was nothing between my ex and I. My ex, however, is something of an emotional recluse and may not have said anything to his friend until later. We were taking things slow and I was careful not to pressure him about where the relationship was going. Now my (first) ex has again expressed remorse at breaking up with me and I think my second ex broke up with me out of respect for his friend. But he still clearly has feelings for me, how can I approach this to get… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

just continue talking to him..dont rush..

Jenny
Guest
I had a mostly long distance relationship with an ex boyfriend. When I moved back to the area, he broke up with me and didn’t talk to me for months. Eventually we became friends again and he tried to re initiate our relationship but I refused. Later I started dating a good mutual friend of ours who hangs out with my ex at work. About a month in, this guy abruptly broke up with me because he said he didn’t want a relationship. After that, my ex swooped in and started flirting and told me he missed me etc. Is… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jenny,

you mean how to get the new guy back? Yeah, that’s possible but it also doesn’t make sense. He probably knows your ex has been trying to get you back before and you refused, why would he break up with you when he knows you already refused your ex before? It’s more likely that he thought it’s going too fast, or its too awkward for him because you’re a friend’s ex..

Jenny
Guest
I made it clear when we started dating that there was nothing between my ex and I. My ex, however, is something of an emotional recluse and may not have said anything to his friend until later. We were taking things slow and I was careful not to pressure him about where the relationship was going. Now my (first) ex has again expressed remorse at breaking up with me and I think my second ex broke up with me out of respect for his friend. But he still clearly has feelings for me, how can I approach this to get… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

just continue talking to him..dont rush..

Renee
Guest
Hi, Id really appreciate it if you could help me! Me and my ex have been broken up for almost 6 months now which I know is a pretty long time. We were together for almost a year and a half. Me and him really were a good match. We shared a lot of the same values, opinions and outlook on life. We just got each other and together I think we worked really well. When we first started dating everyone would joke we were the boy/girl versions of each other. We both really seemed to enjoy being together and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Renee,

There’s no such thing as sudden with breakups.There’s always a reason. The fights probably had built up in him, and when you left, instead of missing you, he felt relief.. Right now, how much did you improve in the past 6 months?

Renee
Guest
Hi, Id really appreciate it if you could help me! Me and my ex have been broken up for almost 6 months now which I know is a pretty long time. We were together for almost a year and a half. Me and him really were a good match. We shared a lot of the same values, opinions and outlook on life. We just got each other and together I think we worked really well. When we first started dating everyone would joke we were the boy/girl versions of each other. We both really seemed to enjoy being together and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Renee,

There’s no such thing as sudden with breakups.There’s always a reason. The fights probably had built up in him, and when you left, instead of missing you, he felt relief.. Right now, how much did you improve in the past 6 months?

Taylor
Guest
I have read through all these articles and so many others. My eyes hurt so much and I just want to figure out what’s going on. My ex and I broke up 4 days ago after a year of dating and before that on again off again due to distance. We were very close and lovey and he practically lived at my place even though he had his own apt. It was kind of out of the blue but he sat down and told me he hadn’t been honest about his feelings for me the last couple weeks and that… Read more »
Taylor
Guest

Also, our one year officially is Valentine’s Day. And that kind of stressed him out too

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Taylor,

Im not sure if you saw my reply in your first comment, so i’m going to paste my answer there and add a little more.

Hi Taylor,

I think that’s just it, that you spent so much time together, it got boring. So, I think you have a chance doing the no contact rule.

since you go to school together, you can use the same advice in the link below and, widen your world. Do new things and make nee friends.

EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Taylor
Guest
I have read through all these articles and so many others. My eyes hurt so much and I just want to figure out what’s going on. My ex and I broke up 4 days ago after a year of dating and before that on again off again due to distance. We were very close and lovey and he practically lived at my place even though he had his own apt. It was kind of out of the blue but he sat down and told me he hadn’t been honest about his feelings for me the last couple weeks and that… Read more »
Taylor
Guest

Also, our one year officially is Valentine’s Day. And that kind of stressed him out too

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Taylor,

Im not sure if you saw my reply in your first comment, so i’m going to paste my answer there and add a little more.

Hi Taylor,

I think that’s just it, that you spent so much time together, it got boring. So, I think you have a chance doing the no contact rule.

since you go to school together, you can use the same advice in the link below and, widen your world. Do new things and make nee friends.

EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Carrie
Guest
I have read every love and relationship blog I can find on the internet. I can’t say I’m finding anyone who can address my specific situation. What if your ex broke up with you for career/financial reasons? Since he got laid off in the beginning of the courtship, it has some truth behind it, but I also know my anxiety issues probably pushed him away as well. I made a huge mistake during and after the break up by being needy and begging… his response was that he still cared about me and I’m a good person, but he “doesn’t… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Carrie,

how long were you together? You said he lost his job at the courtship stage, so in the whole relationship he didn’t have another job? But you know, most of the time, men don’t tell the real reason of the break up, that may have been just his excuse.

Carrie
Guest
Just about three months, which I know is not long, but felt longer because everything was easy and felt so natural. He started working odd jobs right after the lay off then was hired onto a job in a new field where he had to start over and work his way back up. That’s when the break up occurred. When he settled into a new field and accepted the fact that he would have to start at the bottom and work his way back up again. I do believe my insecurities played a role in it as well. That’s my… Read more »
Carrie
Guest
It was only about three months. He worked odd jobs right after the lay off until settling into a new career where he has to start at the bottom and work his way back up. That’s when the break up occurred. I think it might legitimately be a part of his excuse. But it’s no secret that I had my own anxiety issues that I got hung up on that he probably decided he didn’t want to deal with. Is that my saving grace here? The fact that finances were just part of the excuse? Will this process of NC… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

if he related you to stress, like he’s already stressed at work and then he’s also getting stressed with you, then there’s a chance if you genuinely change,.improve and have your own life but if it’s really his insecurities..no matter what you do, unless he learns.how to manage challenges in life, it will not help..

Carrie
Guest
I have read every love and relationship blog I can find on the internet. I can’t say I’m finding anyone who can address my specific situation. What if your ex broke up with you for career/financial reasons? Since he got laid off in the beginning of the courtship, it has some truth behind it, but I also know my anxiety issues probably pushed him away as well. I made a huge mistake during and after the break up by being needy and begging… his response was that he still cared about me and I’m a good person, but he “doesn’t… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Carrie,

how long were you together? You said he lost his job at the courtship stage, so in the whole relationship he didn’t have another job? But you know, most of the time, men don’t tell the real reason of the break up, that may have been just his excuse.

Carrie
Guest
Just about three months, which I know is not long, but felt longer because everything was easy and felt so natural. He started working odd jobs right after the lay off then was hired onto a job in a new field where he had to start over and work his way back up. That’s when the break up occurred. When he settled into a new field and accepted the fact that he would have to start at the bottom and work his way back up again. I do believe my insecurities played a role in it as well. That’s my… Read more »
Carrie
Guest
It was only about three months. He worked odd jobs right after the lay off until settling into a new career where he has to start at the bottom and work his way back up. That’s when the break up occurred. I think it might legitimately be a part of his excuse. But it’s no secret that I had my own anxiety issues that I got hung up on that he probably decided he didn’t want to deal with. Is that my saving grace here? The fact that finances were just part of the excuse? Will this process of NC… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

if he related you to stress, like he’s already stressed at work and then he’s also getting stressed with you, then there’s a chance if you genuinely change,.improve and have your own life but if it’s really his insecurities..no matter what you do, unless he learns.how to manage challenges in life, it will not help..

drizzy
Guest
hi amor! i’ve come to your website in the past to ask for advice on my ex, and i found it very helpful. it was back in august of last year when my ex had broken up with me. i discovered this website shortly after and read several different articles. i asked all the questions i could, and realized that i had to go with the no contact. him and i split for reasons i don’t even understand until today, but i’ve accepted it. for an entire month after our breakup, we still hung out with one another (clearly we… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Drizzy,

I think he just doesn’t want to invest too much or let you expect because you’re leaving. But if you want, why not just be friendly for the sake of being friends. So, that when you move, it wouldn’t be awkward to keep chatting with him.

dizzy
Guest
thanks amor! i think hes definitely 1 foot in and 1 foot out you know what i mean? i guess i could say the same goes for me because i don’t know what to expect. it’s hard to be friendly with him because he barely comes around. but when he does, i’m very nice to him. i’m not necessarily flirty, but just nice. he is the same with me. i got close to him the other day, but that’s only because i was showing him something off of my phone. i just hope that him and i could stay friends.… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
you have to be clear and honest with yourself first..because you said there’s no option of getting back together because of his parents but you’re still hopeful because you believe in love.. That’s why you don’t know what to do. That’s two opposing beliefs. Choose one. If you really believe in love, start by building the foundation of friendship. Talk to him when you have a chance about a topic. When you’re building a friendship, you bond or talk about something of same interest right? We don’t ask to be friends and then expect it to just automatically happen.. Actually,… Read more »
drizzy
Guest
hi amor! so i know i came here two weeks ago and i tried to take your advice. i didn’t really want to initiate or talk to him if he wasn’t going to do so with me. so i haven’t really talked to him recently, but i found out some not so good news. i’m friends with him on snapchat, and i follow him on instagram. i saw that on valentine’s day, he was with two girls at dinner. i didn’t think too much of it just because i was like “maybe it’s just his friends.” a few days later,… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I’m sorry, I”m not sure I follow what you said. You mean you’re moving on right?

drizzy
Guest
well my plan wasn’t to move on two weeks ago. my plan was to slowly build a friendship before i move so that way maybe he could remain in my life even after i’m gone. however, i found out he has feelings for a new girl, and it hurt me, so for the sake of my feelings, i deleted him off all of my social media. i didn’t want to move on, but i also don’t want to step in and say anything to him. i was maybe thinking of opening up to one of his friends? i mean him… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

You have to approached it like he moved on to her. Check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

drizzy
Guest
hi amor! i’ve come to your website in the past to ask for advice on my ex, and i found it very helpful. it was back in august of last year when my ex had broken up with me. i discovered this website shortly after and read several different articles. i asked all the questions i could, and realized that i had to go with the no contact. him and i split for reasons i don’t even understand until today, but i’ve accepted it. for an entire month after our breakup, we still hung out with one another (clearly we… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Drizzy,

I think he just doesn’t want to invest too much or let you expect because you’re leaving. But if you want, why not just be friendly for the sake of being friends. So, that when you move, it wouldn’t be awkward to keep chatting with him.

dizzy
Guest
thanks amor! i think hes definitely 1 foot in and 1 foot out you know what i mean? i guess i could say the same goes for me because i don’t know what to expect. it’s hard to be friendly with him because he barely comes around. but when he does, i’m very nice to him. i’m not necessarily flirty, but just nice. he is the same with me. i got close to him the other day, but that’s only because i was showing him something off of my phone. i just hope that him and i could stay friends.… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
you have to be clear and honest with yourself first..because you said there’s no option of getting back together because of his parents but you’re still hopeful because you believe in love.. That’s why you don’t know what to do. That’s two opposing beliefs. Choose one. If you really believe in love, start by building the foundation of friendship. Talk to him when you have a chance about a topic. When you’re building a friendship, you bond or talk about something of same interest right? We don’t ask to be friends and then expect it to just automatically happen.. Actually,… Read more »
drizzy
Guest
hi amor! so i know i came here two weeks ago and i tried to take your advice. i didn’t really want to initiate or talk to him if he wasn’t going to do so with me. so i haven’t really talked to him recently, but i found out some not so good news. i’m friends with him on snapchat, and i follow him on instagram. i saw that on valentine’s day, he was with two girls at dinner. i didn’t think too much of it just because i was like “maybe it’s just his friends.” a few days later,… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I’m sorry, I”m not sure I follow what you said. You mean you’re moving on right?

drizzy
Guest
well my plan wasn’t to move on two weeks ago. my plan was to slowly build a friendship before i move so that way maybe he could remain in my life even after i’m gone. however, i found out he has feelings for a new girl, and it hurt me, so for the sake of my feelings, i deleted him off all of my social media. i didn’t want to move on, but i also don’t want to step in and say anything to him. i was maybe thinking of opening up to one of his friends? i mean him… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

You have to approached it like he moved on to her. Check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

lala
Guest
my ex and i were tgt for abt 1 year until he broke up w me a month ago. we were doing well until he suddenly sent me a text saying that he wanted to break up w me. he said he wants to be single again and feels that being in a relationship makes him feel tied down. he said he didn’t want to hurt me anymore as he gets angry and stressed out easily which would cause him to vent his anger on me unintentionally. he felt that we shld be “just friends” so that none of us… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lala,

if he has depression he needs to go to counseling, but in your side, you can’t feed it by being friendly if you want a more than friends relationship. If he’s suicidal, that’s different. But right now, don’t put yourself in the friendzone. Stick to at least 30 days of no contact and be active in improving yourself. He has to feel he’s going to lose you and he has to feel regret. If he can see that he can get what he wants with just being friends, then he really wouldn’t recommmit.

lala
Guest
my ex and i were tgt for abt 1 year until he broke up w me a month ago. we were doing well until he suddenly sent me a text saying that he wanted to break up w me. he said he wants to be single again and feels that being in a relationship makes him feel tied down. he said he didn’t want to hurt me anymore as he gets angry and stressed out easily which would cause him to vent his anger on me unintentionally. he felt that we shld be “just friends” so that none of us… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lala,

if he has depression he needs to go to counseling, but in your side, you can’t feed it by being friendly if you want a more than friends relationship. If he’s suicidal, that’s different. But right now, don’t put yourself in the friendzone. Stick to at least 30 days of no contact and be active in improving yourself. He has to feel he’s going to lose you and he has to feel regret. If he can see that he can get what he wants with just being friends, then he really wouldn’t recommmit.

Amanda
Guest
My boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me October 18, 2016. He claimed there was no more “chemistry”, he doesn’t know if the newness of the relationship wore off yet gave me a list of good characteristics about myself & said he’s probably making a bad decision but he’s not mentally in this relationship. I took all of that as BS because we always had good chemistry, sex daily, all those good characteristics of me yet we’re not together (really?) & then a break up out of the blue. Not the guy who was so eager to introduce me… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Amanda,

probably, but I admit, it can be because he would want to be friends with benefits again but if you’re moving on, it doesn’t matter anymore if he contacts you or not. Actually it would be better if he doesn’t so you can fully move on.

Amanda
Guest
I have been improving myself during these 31 days of NC by selling my old car, going on 4 job interviews, cutting my hair, told by nearly everyone I’m losing weight, and applied for my 2nd B.S. degree. Him & I are not friends on FB so I can’t build rapport because I deleted him after first breakup. Yet, my profile is available to the public. I work 2 jobs (1 school district & other as a restaurant manager) 1 employee is a high schooler in which attends the school in which he works. Says he looks depressed. I asked… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

hmm.. I kinda confused with your reply.. It sounds like you want to get back together but there’s just no other choice but to move on.. but, I thought you are moving on because you said you’re not going to take him back again. So, correct me if I’m wrong. I can’t say totally BS, but like you said, he’s immature. He probably means some of it.

Amanda
Guest
My boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me October 18, 2016. He claimed there was no more “chemistry”, he doesn’t know if the newness of the relationship wore off yet gave me a list of good characteristics about myself & said he’s probably making a bad decision but he’s not mentally in this relationship. I took all of that as BS because we always had good chemistry, sex daily, all those good characteristics of me yet we’re not together (really?) & then a break up out of the blue. Not the guy who was so eager to introduce me… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Amanda,

probably, but I admit, it can be because he would want to be friends with benefits again but if you’re moving on, it doesn’t matter anymore if he contacts you or not. Actually it would be better if he doesn’t so you can fully move on.

Amanda
Guest
I have been improving myself during these 31 days of NC by selling my old car, going on 4 job interviews, cutting my hair, told by nearly everyone I’m losing weight, and applied for my 2nd B.S. degree. Him & I are not friends on FB so I can’t build rapport because I deleted him after first breakup. Yet, my profile is available to the public. I work 2 jobs (1 school district & other as a restaurant manager) 1 employee is a high schooler in which attends the school in which he works. Says he looks depressed. I asked… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

hmm.. I kinda confused with your reply.. It sounds like you want to get back together but there’s just no other choice but to move on.. but, I thought you are moving on because you said you’re not going to take him back again. So, correct me if I’m wrong. I can’t say totally BS, but like you said, he’s immature. He probably means some of it.

ll
Guest
To add to my first post. We were together for 18months, him recently coming out of a long term relationship 10+ years when we meet and started dating (although in my defense he was on match.com). I think our relationship was at the make or break moment at Christmas/Holidays because it was one of those if we stayed together we were probably going to start the talk about moving in and etc. And I think the moving from one serious relationship to another one with out “playing the field” freaked him out. I still don’t know why I freaked out… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi LL,

Yeah, I think you should restart a 30 day nc..

ll
Guest
Is there any way to recover from asking for a meeting to discuss the break up? I was blindside and he is in my opinion suffering from Grass is greener/ Passive kind of breakup guy. We went NC for 25 days then I randomly ran into him but didn’t talk, he sent me a text that said ” Hey sorry I could stop and chat … I’m off to a lunch meeting” I sent a text say “its too bad … hope your meeting went well. I’m off to my own” ….. Then two days later I messed up and… Read more »
ll
Guest
To add to my first post. We were together for 18months, him recently coming out of a long term relationship 10+ years when we meet and started dating (although in my defense he was on match.com). I think our relationship was at the make or break moment at Christmas/Holidays because it was one of those if we stayed together we were probably going to start the talk about moving in and etc. And I think the moving from one serious relationship to another one with out “playing the field” freaked him out. I still don’t know why I freaked out… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi LL,

Yeah, I think you should restart a 30 day nc..

ll
Guest
Is there any way to recover from asking for a meeting to discuss the break up? I was blindside and he is in my opinion suffering from Grass is greener/ Passive kind of breakup guy. We went NC for 25 days then I randomly ran into him but didn’t talk, he sent me a text that said ” Hey sorry I could stop and chat … I’m off to a lunch meeting” I sent a text say “its too bad … hope your meeting went well. I’m off to my own” ….. Then two days later I messed up and… Read more »
Hannah
Guest

what does he mean when he says he’s tired of love? our relationship was amazing the whole 8 months until we had a stupid misunderstanding (i mistook his affection for hatred and he got offended and fed up, lol it’s a long story), where he claimed he was tired of showing affection and sick of love. He changed DRASTICALLY. One month later we broke up. Will he ever change his mind abt this whole love thingy?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Hannah

probably that he got fed up or annoyed..are you clingy? when did you exactly broke up? did you chase him?

Hannah
Guest

Hi. To answer yr question, no i wasn’t too clingy. In fact, he was clingier than me and he always said he didnt mind me being clingy cuz it made him feel needed. I just finished no contact. It’s been a month after our break up and he hasnt reached out at all. So im confused why he changed so drastically. Should i believe him when he says he’s tired of loving anymore

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

There’s no such thing as sudden with break ups. It’s either he got bored over time slowly or something happened, or came up that made him think the grass is greener on the other side.. If you improved yourself and actively posted in social media, then initiate contact.. If not, it would be better to restart the count and do that first.

alexandra
Guest
my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me the previous week because he said that he had a “lot in his life right now” and that he should “fix/focus on himself first so he wouldn’t hurt me”. i know this may seem like a short while of dating, but i was just so in love with him, and the same with him. everything seemed so perfect between the two of us, and i’ve even heard people say that we were both meant for each other. now after the break up, i still just miss him so much, and i’m… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Alexandra,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

alexandra
Guest

i guess i have, i’m about a week into it at the moment. how long before the silence should be broken?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

do at least 30 days but dont just be silent. Be active in improving yourself and in posting. Click this:
The Ungettable Girl

Hannah
Guest

what does he mean when he says he’s tired of love? our relationship was amazing the whole 8 months until we had a stupid misunderstanding (i mistook his affection for hatred and he got offended and fed up, lol it’s a long story), where he claimed he was tired of showing affection and sick of love. He changed DRASTICALLY. One month later we broke up. Will he ever change his mind abt this whole love thingy?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Hannah

probably that he got fed up or annoyed..are you clingy? when did you exactly broke up? did you chase him?

Hannah
Guest

Hi. To answer yr question, no i wasn’t too clingy. In fact, he was clingier than me and he always said he didnt mind me being clingy cuz it made him feel needed. I just finished no contact. It’s been a month after our break up and he hasnt reached out at all. So im confused why he changed so drastically. Should i believe him when he says he’s tired of loving anymore

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

There’s no such thing as sudden with break ups. It’s either he got bored over time slowly or something happened, or came up that made him think the grass is greener on the other side.. If you improved yourself and actively posted in social media, then initiate contact.. If not, it would be better to restart the count and do that first.

alexandra
Guest
my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me the previous week because he said that he had a “lot in his life right now” and that he should “fix/focus on himself first so he wouldn’t hurt me”. i know this may seem like a short while of dating, but i was just so in love with him, and the same with him. everything seemed so perfect between the two of us, and i’ve even heard people say that we were both meant for each other. now after the break up, i still just miss him so much, and i’m… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Alexandra,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

alexandra
Guest

i guess i have, i’m about a week into it at the moment. how long before the silence should be broken?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

do at least 30 days but dont just be silent. Be active in improving yourself and in posting. Click this:
The Ungettable Girl

Victoria
Guest
Thank you for the amazing articles they are really helping me get some clarity during this rough patch. My boyfriend of 3 years decided to break up a few days ago and I have been devasted. Our break up has been a neutral one. Essentially, he is having many personal problems with his family, and who he is as a person. In his own words he said that he could no longer be with me as he needs to find himself and become a better person. In the best way I could I told him that I understand and that… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Victoria,

I Answered your first post, I think your plan is good..

Victoria
Guest
My boyfriend and I have just ended 3 year relationship. We had amazing 3 years together, we were in some ways different people, we never clashed heads or fought. And when we did fight we would resolve the argument straight away. Before we broke up I made a small suggestions of ways our relationship could improve. After that conversation he came to see me as because he is becoming depressed – not because of me but other personal/family reasons. He told me he needed a break to find himself as he is at a loss at the moment. I told… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Victoria,

yes, that’s good!

Victoria
Guest
Thank you for the amazing articles they are really helping me get some clarity during this rough patch. My boyfriend of 3 years decided to break up a few days ago and I have been devasted. Our break up has been a neutral one. Essentially, he is having many personal problems with his family, and who he is as a person. In his own words he said that he could no longer be with me as he needs to find himself and become a better person. In the best way I could I told him that I understand and that… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Victoria,

I Answered your first post, I think your plan is good..

Victoria
Guest
My boyfriend and I have just ended 3 year relationship. We had amazing 3 years together, we were in some ways different people, we never clashed heads or fought. And when we did fight we would resolve the argument straight away. Before we broke up I made a small suggestions of ways our relationship could improve. After that conversation he came to see me as because he is becoming depressed – not because of me but other personal/family reasons. He told me he needed a break to find himself as he is at a loss at the moment. I told… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Victoria,

yes, that’s good!

Macey
Guest
we were each others first loves and everything was perfect. We were madly in love with each other until school started. He was working more and I was studying a lot so we didn’t see each other which started fights that didn’t need to happen. He broke up with me because he didn’t feel the same way anymore and kept telling me that he wants us focus on his studies and once school ends we can try to work things out again. He gave me hope and one night he said that he wants to know what it’s like being… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Macey,

how much did you improve in the last 30 days and were you active in posting in social media?

Macey
Guest
I’ve improved a lot. I’ve gone to therapy to deal with my anxiety through the whole situation. I’ve started yoga and have been hanging out with friends. I feel like I’ve changed a lot! The 30 days also gave me a lot of time to think of ways we could of worked around all the fights. Honestly on social media I deactivated my Facebook the day after he told me that he wanted to see what it’s like to be with someone else. I didn’t want to see any pictures if he did find someone. I still have him on… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

actually you have to be active in posting in social media.. I think you need to extend to 45 days..because that’s your indirect way of showing your improvements.. and when did he tell you he wants to try with somebody else? is it during the nc period?

Macey
Guest
He’s likes football so I was going to say something to him the day of the super bowl for our first contact which is this weekend and was going to build from there. Should I extend it? What if I posted on social media while talking to him? So I would indirectly be posting about my improvements while increasing our communication to rebuild attraction. Or would you still stuck to an extended contact? The last time we talked was when he told me about maybe we should see other people and then I started no contact to improve myself and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

ah..I still think you should extend so, that when he gets curious after your first contact, he has something to see.. and after 45 days, you should still be active in improving and posting while building rapport with him

Macey
Guest
we were each others first loves and everything was perfect. We were madly in love with each other until school started. He was working more and I was studying a lot so we didn’t see each other which started fights that didn’t need to happen. He broke up with me because he didn’t feel the same way anymore and kept telling me that he wants us focus on his studies and once school ends we can try to work things out again. He gave me hope and one night he said that he wants to know what it’s like being… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Macey,

how much did you improve in the last 30 days and were you active in posting in social media?

Macey
Guest
I’ve improved a lot. I’ve gone to therapy to deal with my anxiety through the whole situation. I’ve started yoga and have been hanging out with friends. I feel like I’ve changed a lot! The 30 days also gave me a lot of time to think of ways we could of worked around all the fights. Honestly on social media I deactivated my Facebook the day after he told me that he wanted to see what it’s like to be with someone else. I didn’t want to see any pictures if he did find someone. I still have him on… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

actually you have to be active in posting in social media.. I think you need to extend to 45 days..because that’s your indirect way of showing your improvements.. and when did he tell you he wants to try with somebody else? is it during the nc period?

Macey
Guest
He’s likes football so I was going to say something to him the day of the super bowl for our first contact which is this weekend and was going to build from there. Should I extend it? What if I posted on social media while talking to him? So I would indirectly be posting about my improvements while increasing our communication to rebuild attraction. Or would you still stuck to an extended contact? The last time we talked was when he told me about maybe we should see other people and then I started no contact to improve myself and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

ah..I still think you should extend so, that when he gets curious after your first contact, he has something to see.. and after 45 days, you should still be active in improving and posting while building rapport with him

Jesse
Guest
Hi, My ex and I had a good conversation on the phone last night. We talked for over an hour. We both said that we’ve cried everyday since breaking up two months ago and that we only really remember the good things and he said we were really great friends in the relationship. We also said that we didn’t really want to talk about the past. But he also said that the relationship was super stressful and that we aren’t right for each other. I agreed that it was good for us to separate. He said it was risky to… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jesse,

if you want him back, you have to use this opportunity to start out as friends and then slowly reattract him.. like what he said, the relationship was too stressful, he doesn’t want to get back together now,.so agree.. He has to think that you’ve moved on and he has to see you in a different light, better and attractive for him to think you’re not the same girl he used to know.
don’t say you’ve changed.. that’s so obvious that you’re just trying to convince him..

Jesse
Guest
Our counselor texted me today so I let him know about it and this is how it went: Me: Did Will text you again? Him: No, did he text you? Me: Yeah. Why is he being so persistent? You literally said no. Is he that strapped for cash? Him: What did he say? Me: “Have thought about our work and what you would like to do?” Which, thanks for full sentences Him: Did you reply? Me: Not yet I wanted to touch base with you first Him: What are you thinking? What do you want to do? Me: You want… Read more »
Jesse
Guest

(Though I am the bottom)

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

owkie! No worries! I think that’s a good convo. Look your best when you meet up and keep it short, light and fun

Jesse
Guest

But how do I keep it short, light and fun, while still talking about couples counseling? How do I do both? Based on our conversation, how much of a shot do I seem to have?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

honestly it’s small because he said he doesn’t want to go back together..So, he has to see you in a different light first.
don’t overthink.just be normal. Dress well, smell good, smile, greet him, talk about what’s current in your lives and what’s happening around you at that time

Jesse
Guest
Hi, My ex and I had a good conversation on the phone last night. We talked for over an hour. We both said that we’ve cried everyday since breaking up two months ago and that we only really remember the good things and he said we were really great friends in the relationship. We also said that we didn’t really want to talk about the past. But he also said that the relationship was super stressful and that we aren’t right for each other. I agreed that it was good for us to separate. He said it was risky to… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jesse,

if you want him back, you have to use this opportunity to start out as friends and then slowly reattract him.. like what he said, the relationship was too stressful, he doesn’t want to get back together now,.so agree.. He has to think that you’ve moved on and he has to see you in a different light, better and attractive for him to think you’re not the same girl he used to know.
don’t say you’ve changed.. that’s so obvious that you’re just trying to convince him..

Jesse
Guest
Our counselor texted me today so I let him know about it and this is how it went: Me: Did Will text you again? Him: No, did he text you? Me: Yeah. Why is he being so persistent? You literally said no. Is he that strapped for cash? Him: What did he say? Me: “Have thought about our work and what you would like to do?” Which, thanks for full sentences Him: Did you reply? Me: Not yet I wanted to touch base with you first Him: What are you thinking? What do you want to do? Me: You want… Read more »
Jesse
Guest

(Though I am the bottom)

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

owkie! No worries! I think that’s a good convo. Look your best when you meet up and keep it short, light and fun

Jesse
Guest

But how do I keep it short, light and fun, while still talking about couples counseling? How do I do both? Based on our conversation, how much of a shot do I seem to have?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

honestly it’s small because he said he doesn’t want to go back together..So, he has to see you in a different light first.
don’t overthink.just be normal. Dress well, smell good, smile, greet him, talk about what’s current in your lives and what’s happening around you at that time

Ola
Guest
Hi! My ex and I broke up few months ago. I had done the no contact rule, than I started texting him. We are seeing each other right now ( sometimes we have sex) I know that he feels something to me but he is afraid of getting back together, he prefers to be single in case he finds someone better. Besides he is very ambitious and he has good grades at his studies so he said that he doesnt want a relationship with me, because he has to be focused at this. Right now he has a lot of… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ola,

You have to stop sleeping with him first.. Are you going to do that?

Ola
Guest

Yes I am, but I don’t know what to do next.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
ok..first, stop chasing and dont ever sleep with him again if you’re not officially back together because he only views you as his friend with benefits right now. Since you already did nc, it would have lesser chance of helping you but it’s still better to do it again to get out of the cycle.. Focus in having your own life. Do new things and make new friends, after it slowly rebuild rapport again and refuse sleeping with him coz there’s a high chance he will try again since that’s how he sees you.. Refusing and continuing on improving yourself… Read more »
Ola
Guest

Unfortunately there is another problem. Yesterday he told me that he is dating someone. He decided to stop friends with benefits but we can stay just normal friends. I will do the nc contact again but how to win with this other girl? What if after 45 days he wouldn’t want to meet with me?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

dont ask to meet right away after 45 days.. set aside thinking about the other girl because what’s more important is that you raise your value in his eyes

Ola
Guest
Hi! My ex and I broke up few months ago. I had done the no contact rule, than I started texting him. We are seeing each other right now ( sometimes we have sex) I know that he feels something to me but he is afraid of getting back together, he prefers to be single in case he finds someone better. Besides he is very ambitious and he has good grades at his studies so he said that he doesnt want a relationship with me, because he has to be focused at this. Right now he has a lot of… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ola,

You have to stop sleeping with him first.. Are you going to do that?

Ola
Guest

Yes I am, but I don’t know what to do next.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
ok..first, stop chasing and dont ever sleep with him again if you’re not officially back together because he only views you as his friend with benefits right now. Since you already did nc, it would have lesser chance of helping you but it’s still better to do it again to get out of the cycle.. Focus in having your own life. Do new things and make new friends, after it slowly rebuild rapport again and refuse sleeping with him coz there’s a high chance he will try again since that’s how he sees you.. Refusing and continuing on improving yourself… Read more »
Ola
Guest

Unfortunately there is another problem. Yesterday he told me that he is dating someone. He decided to stop friends with benefits but we can stay just normal friends. I will do the nc contact again but how to win with this other girl? What if after 45 days he wouldn’t want to meet with me?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

dont ask to meet right away after 45 days.. set aside thinking about the other girl because what’s more important is that you raise your value in his eyes

A heartbroken fan
Guest

Chris chris chris…I wanted to tell you how amazing and empowering your articles are for womens going through the toughest time in their life. I myself is seperated from my husband at the moment & he has decided he wants to end our marriage. I don’t know if I will ever get him back, but I wanted to thank you for writing all this amazing articles, they have taught me so much about relationships.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Thank you! I’ll forward this to Chris

A heartbroken fan
Guest

Chris chris chris…I wanted to tell you how amazing and empowering your articles are for womens going through the toughest time in their life. I myself is seperated from my husband at the moment & he has decided he wants to end our marriage. I don’t know if I will ever get him back, but I wanted to thank you for writing all this amazing articles, they have taught me so much about relationships.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Thank you! I’ll forward this to Chris