Breakups are tough. Everyone involved is affected on some personal level. However, have you ever stopped to consider how your children would be affected? I am going to tell you a secret. Out of everyone who visits my site it is the women who have children that I cheer for the most. It’s not that I want them to succeed because I like them more than everyone else. No, it’s because I want them to succeed so their kids have a father figure in their lives, a father figure that is actually their father.
I have thought a lot about how I was going to approach this page. I could take the easy way out and give you a general outlook of how to get an ex back who is the father of your children. That is what everyone else seems to be doing, writing a little lead up and then giving you five very general bullet points telling you the “secrets” to making him want you back. But I think I am going to take a different approach. I want to do things the hard way. The page that you see here today is going to be one of the best resources ever created for getting your ex boyfriend back if you have kids together. Lets dive right in.
An Important Announcement Before We Start
I want you succeed.
No seriously, I REALLY want you to succeed. Above I talked about how out of everyone who visits this site you are the ones who I most want to see win out in the end. My heart really goes out to all the single mothers out there because you really have to be strong for yourself and for your children.
Looking around this site I am sure you have noticed my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. I am really proud of this thing. It took me two whole months to write and I honestly feel that it is the best resource online right now for raising your chances at getting an ex back (of course, I am a little biased haha ;).)
In addition to that I have also written a book called, The Texting Bible.
Imagine a bible that is full of text messages deconstructing everything you need to say through texts to get your ex boyfriend back.
Lets get started, whatdya say?
Your Set Of Rules Are Different
If you are an avid reader of this site then you have probably already realized that there is a certain framework that I use for getting your ex back. Usually, it goes something like this:
While this framework has been wildly successful for many of the women have used it the rules are a little different if you have children with the person you are trying to get get back. It is important that you understand this fact. Accept that an entirely different set of rules has to be applied. Now, I don’t want you to get too disappointed because the framework you see above will still work to a certain extent but there are bits and pieces that have to be modified. Lets look at our first major change.
The No Contact Rule Becomes The Minimal Contact Rule
I am sure you have heard of the no contact rule. You know, the one where you are supposed to essentially freeze your ex out for around 30 days. I am a big believer in this for a very long list of reasons that I frankly don’t have the patience to list here. You can check them out on my no contact rule page.
Anyways, no contact isn’t exactly possible if kids are involved. You are going to be forced to have a face to face with your ex at some point (to exchange kids.) The question now becomes “how can you implement the no contact rule in this case?” The answer is actually quite simple, you don’t. This is one of those rare cases where no contact cannot be done so you have to modify the rules a little bit. Below I am going to list the major changes that you have to implement with regards to the NC rule.
- No contact for 30 days becomes MINIMAL texting, calling or emailing for 30 days.
- No face to face confrontations for 30 days becomes minimal face to face contact for 30 days.
So, I am going to take a moment to dissect the changes we just made to the no contact rule.
MINIMAL Texting, Calling, Emailing or Facebooking For 30 Days
The original no contact rule clearly states that you should have no contact with your ex at all for at least 30 days. However, since there are kids involved this really won’t work. Unless your ex is a total deadbeat he is going to want to see his children. Maybe the kids will get sick while they are with him and he doesn’t know what to do so he calls you. The possibilities are endless when there are kids involved so the no contact rules have to change. Here is what I want you to do.
- DO NOT initiate any friendly, casual chats with your ex.
- The ONLY time that you should initiate a texting conversation or call is if there is an important discussion that has to happen because of your kids.
- If he texts you but it’s not about the children DO NOT engage with him.
- If he texts you and IT IS about the children then and only then can you engage with him.
- If he steers the conversation towards you or your relationship after asking about the children do not fall into that trap.
MINIMAL Face To Face Contact For 30 Days
Originally in the no contact rule there is to be no face to face contact for at least 30 days. However, again since you have kids the rules are a little bit different. Usually with regular, kidless couples, I get inquiries about what to do if you have to pick up your stuff from your exes place. However, with couples that had children I get inquiries about what to do if you have to see your ex while exchanging kids. Well, in the case that you have to come face to face with your ex for the kids you should follow the rules below:
- DO NOT get into an argument or fight with your ex. You are there to drop off your kids and that is it.
- When you have to talk to your ex make sure that you smile and are as attractive as possible.
- Keep your conversations short, to the point but in a very pleasant and nice tone.
- The ultimate goal is for him not to be able to tell that you are bothered by seeing him.
- You want him to think that you are unaffected by the breakup.
Time To Improve
I am just going to tell you this up front. Successfully completing a MCP (Minimal Contact Period) like I explained above probably won’t be enough to get your ex boyfriend to come back. Don’t let this fool you though as it is an integral part of the ex recovery process. Now, I am going to ask you a question: “what do you think most people do when they enter into a NC or MC period?”
Right now, I probably get close to 50 emails a day all asking me for my help. While each person has a unique story I am starting to see an alarming trend, and it’s not good. The women who tend to fail time and time again at getting their exes back do absolutely nothing during their no contact/minimal contact periods.
This is bad for five reasons:
- Doing nothing allows you time to dwell on any mistakes you have made.
- You will literally live every day in stress.
- You are more likely to break NC/MC.
- You get too overemotional so when it is time to finally make your move things don’t tend to go well.
- You are no different from the girl you were before.
So, the question now becomes, “what do I do during MC?”
The answer is actually quite simple, it’s time for you to evolve! I am a big believer in the fact that if a relationship you were in failed before you need to change something in order to ensure success in the future. Now, our main goal here is to get your ex back. The previous version of you may not have been good enough for him in his eyes. So, you may need to evolve into something that is.
What Should You Evolve Into?
I was at a local bar the other day with my buddy. It’s a pretty popular place around where I live and the two of us usually meet up there when we want to catch up. Anyways, the waitress who waited on us this particular day was one of those girls who both my buddy and I found very attractive.
The owner eventually came over to say hi to us and to talk our waitress up as “a beautiful girl but one of the nicest people you will ever meet.”
While rave reviews from other people always help in dictating how “hot” a girl is I was more interested in how other people reacted to her. I am a little weird like that. Anyways, it became evident to me that this waitress held a spell over every single man in that bar after watching her interact with other customers. So, while all the other guys were picturing themselves with her I began to think about this site! I began to think, “what is this waitress doing that can cast a spell over men like that.”
She was obviously very pretty but there was more to it than that. It was the way she carried herself, the way she would play hard to get and the way she could confidently look any man in the eye and make HIM go weak in the knees. She was the ultimate “ungettable girl.”
Becoming An Ungettable Girl
During your MC period you need to focus on becoming an ungettable girl. A word of warning, this is not going to be easy to accomplish. It is going to require you to make sacrifices you don’t want to make and do things that are way outside the box. In the section above I talked about a beautiful waitress who waited on a friend and me. I classified her as an “ungettable girl” for a number of reasons. I am going to go through those reasons. This should provide you with some insight to the male mind and what we find attractive. I am hoping you can use these thoughts to formulate your own game plan on how you, yourself can re-attract your ex by becoming “ungettable.”
- The waitresses was obviously very beautiful so that caught my eye right away.
- Nothing I said would phase her. For example, I got the vibe that nothing I could have said would have been able to seduce her. (Men always want what they can’t have.)
- She would walk very confidently.
- She had a great body but interestingly she wasn’t overly well endowed (if you catch my meaning.)
- She had social proof from the room. Other men would hit on her which in turn raised her value to me. Men seeing other men admire their girl is a good thing!
- She didn’t come to our table and stay for very long. She knew how to play hard to get.
So, what I am going to do is go through each of the bullet points above, one by one and dissect them for you so you get a better idea of how to evolve and become “ungettable.”
She was very beautiful!
Obviously, a lot of this has to do with genetics. I am not trying to sound rude or insensitive here but some women are prettier than others (physically.) However, don’t lose your confidence yet. If you don’t feel you are drop dead gorgeous or feel like there is no way that you can become that you can make up for it with the other qualities. Trust me!
She was un-seducable!
Seducing a woman is a very gratifying feeling for a man. He likes to go back to his buddies and brag about his success. It strokes his ego a little bit. However, there is something incredibly appealing about the woman who can’t be seduced. Now, it is important to understand the difference between a flat out &*%$ and a woman who can’t be seduced. An unseducable woman will tease a little bit and make a man feel like he has a chance. A flat out &*^% will say mean things and leave no doors open. Men like a chase, so give them one!
I feel this one is common sense. What would be more attractive to you:
A man who slouches over, shakes a lot and displays no confidence?
A confident man who is charming, has good posture and can string a sentence together without shaking?
Yup, confidence is sexy. Even to men! So, if you want any chance of reuniting your family then you need to make sure you display it in spades.
A sexy body is key!
As a “get your ex back” authority I am not afraid to admit that I have a little bit of a pet peeve. If you have gained wait since you had your child and were too lazy to get your body back to tip top shape then you are on my bad side. Nothing is more unattractive to a man than a girl who has grown a little pudgy. Now, if you have “let yourself go a little” don’t despair because you can do something about it. While facial beauty is genetic and there is nothing you can do about it, there is something you can do about having a sexy body. Hit the gym!
Social proof is a concept that I learned from probably the sleaziest of men, pickup artists. Now, I don’t hate men who are “pickup artists” I just hate how they can sometimes use women and have no care for their feelings. Nevertheless, when I read about social proof I actually kind of dug it and applied it to the “ungettable girl” qualities.
The best way I could describe social proof would be to take the example of that waitress going around talking to other guys in the bar. I would see these men hit on her and knew that if other men found her attractive than she is definitely attractive. Essentially, it raised her value in my eyes.
If you can find a way to get social proof from other men and show it to your ex in a non confrontational way then you can bet that your value will raise in his eyes.
Playing hard to get!
Ungettable girls are masters at this! Essentially they create a real life game of cat and mouse. The UG (ungettable girl) dangles herself in front of a man tempting him to take a chance on her. When he does, she pulls away at the last minute and he misses. Right after he misses she dangles herself in front of him again. If you get in this position then you are in a fantastic spot.
The Rules For Contacting Your Ex After MC
Alright, so lets do a quick recap of what we have discussed so far so that we make sure we are all on the same page here.
- You are going to enter into MC.
- During MC you will evolve into an UG.
What now? What are you supposed to do after minimal contact ends?
Well, now it is time to make your move. You are going to do so through texting. However, before you send anything we need to set up some parameters to give you the best chance of success.
Mistakes With Opening The Conversation
The mistake I see time and time again when it comes to opening the conversation with an ex boyfriend is the temptation to use your kids to do so. DO NOT DO THIS. While it is almost 100% guaranteed to get a response talking about your children does nothing for repairing YOUR relationship with your boyfriend.
Another common mistake I see is the failure to realize that just getting a response from an ex at the beginning isn’t good enough. You need to get a positive response. There are four outcomes that can ultimately occur when you send a text message.
You can get no response:
You can get a negative response:
You can get a neutral response:
You can get a positive response:
(For more text messages like this please check out my Texting Bible.)
How To Get Positive Responses
There are a lot of factors that go into getting a positive response from a text message you send. Some of the factors you do have control over and some you do not. I do think it is important to mention that the way your ex responds to you via text message is a way of determining how good you are doing in your quest to get him, you and the kids back together. Allow me to expand on this idea a bit further….
Usually, (though not all the time) if your ex is responding in a positive way to all of your text messages that means he is very interested in what you are saying and it could be a way of determining that he is thinking about reuniting with you or the idea is at least in his mind. On the flipside though, if you are constantly getting a lot of neutral, negative or no responses from him it does not bode well for your chances.
What to do if you are constantly getting neutral, negative or no responses
If you are getting too many of these types of responses I want you to STOP EVERYTHING FOR A MINUTE. You ex is clearly trying to tell you something here. While it may be hard the only thing that can help you in this case is giving him some more time to calm down a little bit and get less angry with you. I would say the safest play is to wait another full month of MC.
Ways To Get Positive Responses
I am not going to lie to you. Getting a positive response from an ex boyfriend who is probably very angry with you is not going to be the easiest thing to do in the world. However, it is important that you tell yourself that it can be done. Because it totally can! What you need to do is send him a text that is so interesting or intriguing that he would have no choice but to respond to it in a positive way. Yes, this will require some outside the box thinking and maybe some inspiration from around the internet. I suggest you start working on this text during your minimal contact time frame.