Seduction 101: How To Seduce Your Ex Boyfriend

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Welcome to class!

Ok, ok, I know that’s a corny opener but I had to do something to get your attention.

Today I am going to be teaching you about seduction and your ex or more specifically, how to properly seduce your ex.

Oh, and in case you are wondering there is a right way and a wrong way to seduce a man if you want him back.

But before I get into the details around the “right way” I have a question for you.

How powerful do you think sex is to a man?

Hmm…

How can I put this in a way that you will understand.

Well, since I am a man I can tell you that sex is a very powerful motivator for a man.

Sherry Argov said it best,

Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and a woman isn’t.

Notice how I bolded a part of that quote.

It turns out that the part I put in bold is going to lay the groundwork for what I am teaching you in “class” today.

But more on that later.

First I would like to talk a little bit about the power that sex holds over men.

Lets imagine that a man walks into a bar and immediately his eye is caught by a pretty blonde sitting across the way.

In a short span of time he becomes obsessed with her beauty.

Hmm… perhaps I should put a few faces to this picture that I am painting.

Ok, here is the guy,

As you can see this man isn’t exactly the most attractive in the world and he also has a bit of a weird personality (evidenced by the strange selfie he is taking.) All of these factors mean that he hasn’t gotten too many women to have sex with him.

And then you have the girl,

vandervoort

This girl is clearly very pretty.

She can probably have any guy she wants.

Oh, and the most important part of this little example is the weird selfie guy above is absolutely obsessed with her.

Anyways, lets go back to the bar.

Our selfie boy who we are going to call “Greg” decides that the sexual fantasies he is having about this blonde woman are so overpowering that he has to go over and talk to her.

So, Greg and the girl talk.

Now, this isn’t the first Girls rodeo when it comes to being hit on so she does what comes natural to her, she rejects him.

The rejection only makes Greg fall for her even more.

Pretty soon Greg is convinced that he is in love with her and is willing to do anything to get her.

Now, we can debate the merits of if what he is feeling is true love any day of the week but the important part I am getting at here is that he is feeling something and that something is very powerful.

What if I told you that there was a way in which you can leverage this feeling to your advantage when it comes to getting your ex back.

Would you be interested in that?

Well, that is what this entire “lesson” is going to be about.

(Man, I am going crazy with the classroom references today.)

BUT FIRST… There’s Something Important You Need To Know

I have been helping men and women get back with their exes for over half a decade and I have learned that most people have preconceived notions when they end up on my site. They think that all they have to do is follow the directions that I give them on the page and they are good to go. Now, while this may hold true in some cases I will say that getting an ex back is usually such a complex process that I can’t explain everything there is to explain in one simple article.

Luckily, I have created an “ultimate resource” for you to follow to not only get your ex back but to understand why they are acting the way they are acting.

All you have to do learn about this resource is to click the button below!

Get Relief FasterWith Tactics I Can't Put on the Blog...

 

Seduction Is One Small Piece To A Very Large Puzzle

puzzle pieces

If you are a fan of Ex Boyfriend Recovery then you are probably well aware of my theory on getting an ex back.

I like to think of it as a puzzle.

Any time I write an article like this I am unveiling another small piece of the puzzle.

Of course, things become even more complicated when you take into account that no two situations are like.

For example, a general/common breakup is going to have a certain strategy for success or “puzzle” if you will while a breakup occurring over cheating is going to have a whole new set of rules or an entirely different puzzle.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that you can’t rely solely on this article to help you get your ex back.

Why?

Because this article is talking about one specific strategy for ex recovery.

It doesn’t tie everything together the way it needs to be tied together and while seduction can be a powerful strategy to use on your ex to make him fall for you again it isn’t going to do the job alone.

Look, your main goal here isn’t just to seduce your ex.

It’s to get your ex back.

That is the assumption I am operating under and writing for.

In order to properly get your boyfriend back you are going to be required to use a lot more than just seduction.

So, what does this mean?

It means you need a clear game plan that uses multiple strategies including seduction.

If you are serious about getting your ex back then I recommend you check out my PRO system,

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

There you will learn exactly how to put the puzzle together 😉 .

Anyways, lets move on and just focus on seduction for now.

The Two Types Of Seduction

seduction meme

I bet you didn’t know this but there are actually two types of seduction.

  1. The type of seduction where you just want your ex boyfriend sexually
  2. The type of seduction that can be used in a positive way to get your ex boyfriend back

Which one do you think I am more interested in talking about?

If you guessed the type of seduction that you can use to get your ex boyfriend back then you would be right.

Nevertheless, I think it’s important to understand each type of seduction so you not only understand what to do but what NOT to do. So, for the next thousand words or so I am going to give you a crash course in the good type of seduction and the bad type of seduction.

Let’s start with the bad type of seduction first.

BAD: Seducing Your Ex Boyfriend For Just Sex

sup guys

(If you don’t understand the meme then allow me to give you a quick lesson on insects. A female praying mantis bites off a male praying mantis’ head after intercourse.)

I am a man so I can tell you in all honesty that my gender as a whole is very motivated by sex.

Look at former U.S. president Bill Clinton.

….

Actually, I want to test something out.

When I mentioned Bill Clinton (the former U.S. president) what’s the first thing that popped into your head?

The sex scandal, right?

So, here we have a man who has arguably obtained the most power in the world (being in charge of one of the most powerful countries in the world) and he is willing to jeopardize all of that power for sex.

It goes without saying that sex is a very powerful motivator in men.

Need more stories to back this fact up?

Ok, look no further than Homers epic poem “The Illiad.

In that poem they talk about Helen, a woman so beautiful that she has been dubbed as,

“The face that launched a thousand ships.”

The story goes that Paris (a prince of Troy) steals Menelaus’ wife, Helen, and takes her to Troy so she can be his.

There’s just one problem…

Menelaus’ brother, Agamemnon, is a super king and uses this opportunity to start a war with the Trojans.

Basically the point I am getting at here is that Paris would have never taken Helen if he wasn’t motivated by sex.

So, by now I bet your a curious as to why I am making such a big deal about the fact that men are very motivated by sex.

Like everything I preach on Ex Boyfriend Recovery there is a method to my madness.

Lets say that you want to seduce your ex boyfriend because you want to sleep with him.

Somewhere in the deep recesses of your mind you figure that since sex is such a big deal to you that he will look at it the same way and grow so attached to you (if you sleep together) that he will come back and you will live happily ever after.

Sorry to rain on your parade but the mind of a man doesn’t work that way.

Let’s let this unfold a bit and assume that you go in trying to get your ex boyfriend to sleep with you.

What do you think will happen?

Well, we know what you think is going to happen.

You think that at some point during your passionate love making session that he is going to have some sort of epiphany.

Something that makes him go,

“Wow, I have to commit to this girl for the rest of my life.”

Well, he isn’t going to have that epiphany but he will have an epiphany.

At some point where he is making sweet sweet love to you he is going to think to himself,

“Wow, I rather like this sex. I want to do it again with her.”

Now, the general reader may read that and think to herself,

“That’s a good think, right?”

Umm… not really.

Think about it for a second.

The fact that your ex wants to have sex with you again means that he is essentially viewing you as a piece of meat that he wants to call upon at any time he wants when his “hunger” needs to be satisfied.

Do you catch my drift?

In other words, he is going to attempt to set up a friends with benefits situation with you.

Ok, now that we have that out of the way lets turn our attention to how I want you to use seduction on your ex boyfriend.

GOOD: Using Seduction In A Positive Way To Get Your Ex Back

seduction flow through you

In the section above I went on this super long rant about how sex for a man is a very powerful motivator.

I gave examples of a President of the United States and famous poems where sex was a primary motivator.

So, understanding this why not use a mans motivation of sex to your advantage?

We already know that when you dangle sex in front of a man you can get him to do pretty much anything you want so I definitely think there is a place for this in a “get your ex back campaign.”

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that there are two versions of you.

Each version of you wants to get your ex back.

Version One

Version one of you comes up with the genius idea of seducing your ex boyfriend into bed in an attempt to win his love back.

You think that if you can get him to sleep with you that his feelings for you will come back.

Well, you end up succeeding….

Just not at getting him to commit.

Nope, what you have succeeded in is getting your ex boyfriend to crave sex from you…

That’s it.

That’s all he wants from you.

In other words, you are his new booty call.

Lets turn our attention to version number two of you now.

Version Two

Version two is a bit smarter than version one.

You understand that if your ex boyfriend sleeps with you he will likely put you in a friends with benefits situation. However, you also understand that sex is a very powerful motivator so why not use it to your advantage.

You begin a very smart tactic of almost leading your ex boyfriend on by flirting with him and making him want sex but you never actually sleep with him.

Instead, you leave him constantly chasing you.

Of course, the issue here is that he is chasing you for the wrong reasons.

No worries, there will be a certain point where you take your poker face down and inform him that the only way he can get with you is if he commits (but even then you are going to make him work for it.)

Why make him work so hard for it?

Because the more he has invested in trying to get you the more likely you are to matter to him.

How To Properly Seduce Your Ex Boyfriend

seduction

Above I talked about what to do and what NOT to do when it comes to seducing your ex boyfriend if you want to get him back.

Well, in this section we are going to turn our attention to more specifics.

What do I mean by that?

Go back and read the small subsection entitled, “GOOD: Using Seduction In A Positive Way To Get Him Back.”

(It’s literally just above.)

Basically what I am attempting to do in this section is give you a detailed account of the right way to seduce your ex boyfriend. However, in order to do that I need to teach you something.

What’s the something?

I like to refer to it as “Jaws Theory.”

What Is Jaws Theory

jaws

Duh Duh…

Duh Duh…

Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh….

Doo Dooo Dooo Doooo Dooo Dooooo…

Ok, I’ll admit that, that was pretty lame but I figured if I started out this section with a bang you would perk up.

Are you familiar with the movie Jaws?

If you aren’t then you might want to invest some time and go watch it because it’s a classic.

In fact, it’s the movie that really put the famous director Steven Spielberg on the map.

The premise of the movie is that there is a gigantic shark terrorizing a small town in New York and three men go out on a boat “shark hunting.”

I won’t give away the ending but I’ll just say that it ends with a bang 😉 .

Here’s a little known fact about Jaws.

Did you know that when it first came out it was considered one of the scariest movies ever?

Seriously.

A movie about a shark was considered frightening to audiences around the world.

But did you ever stop to think about why it was so frightening?

The premise doesn’t seem that terrifying and it’s not.

Well ok, maybe it’s a little terrifying but it’s not like there is some sort of zombie apocalypse where everyone is dead.

The truth is that the way it was shot by Spielberg is what made it so scary.

How Was It Shot?

During production of Jaws new director Steven Spielberg told his crew to create a giant robotic shark so he could show audiences a terrifying gigantic shark.

Well, the crew did a pretty good job by creating this,

jaws shark

Pretty cool, right?

Well, there was a problem with it.

Half the time it was on set it wouldn’t work.

In other words, when Steven Spielberg needed the shark to move around and look scary it wouldn’t move around.

So, he was forced to do something unprecedented.

Instead of doing what every other filmmaker out there was doing by showing a scary shark Mr. Spielberg decided that he was going to “tease” the shark.

If you ever get a chance to watch Jaws again I want you to pay attention to how little you see of the actual shark.

Most of the scary parts are not seeing the shark or just a scary fin going through the water with that famous soundtrack playing.

You know, that famous “Duh Duh” score?

Here’s a video depicting what I am talking about,

Pretty frightening stuff, right?

Well, seducing an ex boyfriend the correct way is a lot like utilizing what Spielberg did with Jaws.

How Seduction And Jaws Tie Together

fabulous

What were the main components that made Jaws so frightening to an audience?

Well, we have the idea of a giant shark killing people.

We have the fact that we hardly get a good glimpse of the shark.

Oh, and then we have the score that really makes you feel like something is about to get you.

So, there are three.

  1. The Giant People Killing Shark
  2. Not Seeing The Shark
  3. The Score

Lets tie these three things into seduction or more specifically how you are supposed to seduce your ex boyfriend the proper way.

How am I going to do this?

Well, I am going to do it in a unique way and I will go very slow on purpose so you don’t get lost.

Above I listed the three main components of what made Jaws such a scary movie. It turns out that these three components can be compared to aspects of seduction.

Do you see the tie in now?

Ok, lets go down the list and compare each component of jaws to the right way to seduce an ex.

The Giant People Killing Shark

In Jaws the whole movie revolves around this shark that is essentially a serial killer (of humans.)

Without this idea the entire movie won’t work.

Well, when it comes to seduction everything always seems to revolve around sex.

So, our giant people killing shark in this case is going to be sex.

It’s going to be the thing that you are going to dangle in front of your ex boyfriend to get him to act the way you want him to act.

Now, we can debate the merits of what I am about to teach you all day but the fact of the matter is that sometimes a little manipulation with sex on your part is necessary to reach your goal which we have already identified as getting your ex boyfriend back.

Giant People Killing Shark = Sex (In Seduction)

Not Seeing The Shark

Above I mentioned that as a result of the mechanical shark not working Steven Spielberg had to get creative with how he would scare audiences.

His idea was brilliant.

He figured that most of the scare lies in the fact that you know the shark is there but you can’t see it.

Go above and watch that video again.

Do you notice how you know a shark is about to bite this girl but you never see the shark?

That’s really what makes Jaws such a frightening movie.

So, how does “not seeing the shark” tie into seduction?

Well, in order to properly explain that I need to do some role playing.

Lets pretend that I am your ex boyfriend and you have decided to use seduction as a method to make me want you back.

(Side Note: Remember, we are looking at seduction as it relates to getting an ex back. In other words, we are looking at the good kind of seduction that you can use.)

I am a pretty stubborn guy so initially after our breakup I flat out tell you that the two of us have no chance of reconnecting at all.

So, you decide to take a course of action that will make me eat my words.

You start flirting with me..

I start flirting with you…

Things begin to get a bit… sexual.

I express my desires and while you don’t express yours you give me just enough flirtation to make me think that you are into me.

Of course, when I start pushing for my “needs” to get taken care of you don’t comply.

This puts me on an endless hamster wheel where I am constantly chasing you trying to be “with you” and just when I think I am about to have you the wheel turns over and I have to start all over again.

Now, the average woman is going to see this tactic as pointless because, and I quote,

“Men should want women for more than just sex.”

But the average woman isn’t taking something into account.

The more the hamster wheel turns over the more invested in winning you back I become.

Pretty soon sex isn’t my only motivation for wanting you back.

I want more than just sex…

I want you.

Do you see how that worked?

Hmm…

This may take some extra explaining on my part so I am going to do my best.

I started this section off by talking about not seeing the shark in Jaws and how it was brilliant way to make audiences more scared of something that they couldn’t see.

Well, in seduction flirting with your ex and almost letting him think that he can have you sexually while not actually giving him “the shark” or sex will put him on an endless hamster wheel where his only way off the wheel is to commit to you.

The key here is the fact that you have to be strong mentally and you can’t give him sex.

Do you understand?

You can NOT have sex with your ex boyfriend until after he commits.

Not Seeing The Shark = Teasing Sex And Not Giving It To Him

The Score

What do you get when you couple a people killing shark that you hardly see with a scary/tense score?

The Answer = A Classic/Scary Movie

What is the movie Jaws known for besides the big shark?

The score, right?

You know the one.

Duh Duh..

Duh Duh..

Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh…

Ok, that was horrible.

Here is a quick video depicting the frightening score,

In Jaws the score is something to magnify the sharks scariness.

It also serves as a way of making you more tense when you don’t see the shark.

For example, whenever the score plays in the movie you know the shark is about to do something bad.

But what is the score when it comes to seduction?

Good question.

In order to understand that we have to take a look back at the last section.

What did I say the last section represented?

Teasing sex to you ex but not actually giving it to him, right?

Well, in seduction the “score” is equivalent to the tactics that you will use to tease your ex.

Flirting is a perfect example.

If you flirt with your ex and indirectly make him think he has a chance with you then the actual act of flirting is what is being done to your ex that make him feel seduced by you.

Score = The Tactics That You Will Use To Seduce Your Ex

Lets talk a little bit about those tactics now.

The Tactics You Can Use To Seduce Your Ex Boyfriend

seductive cat

If you can’t already tell I prescribe to the “less is more” theory.

I mean, look at everything I taught you above about my “jaws theory.” Everything about that theory is predicated on the fact that less is more.

But understanding the theory isn’t going to do anything for you is it?

No, you need the specifics of putting the theory into action.

So, what I have decided to do for you is give you a crash course in the tactics you can employ to seduce your ex boyfriend.

Let’s begin.

The Three Levels Of Seduction

When it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back there are three levels of seduction that I am going to teach you about.

What are these three levels?

Take a look at the graphic below,

infographic

You will notice in the graphic that the three levels are,

  1. Light Flirting
  2. Hard Flirting
  3. In-Person Tactics

Lets take a deeper look at each one of these levels.

We are going to start first with “light flirting.”

LEVEL 1: Light Flirting

flirting

Contrary to popular belief you don’t have to always talk about sex when you flirt with a man.

Yes, there is going to be a time and a place to allude to sex in some flirtatious manner down the road (see level 2) but when it comes to light flirting sex isn’t in the equation at all.

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that you are single and I am single (which I am not I am married so don’t tell my wife I am saying this.)

Anyways, we are going to pretend that the both of us are single and we both “kind of” like each other.

I would most likely show that I like you by doing the following things,

  • Telling ridiculous jokes
  • Alluding to a future where we would be dating each other
  • Sending videos over text messages

In other words, this is my way of flirting with you.

Oh, and these methods have been rather effective for me so what I am going to do now is give you an example of each of these things.

To make things as easy as possible on me I am just going to give examples of these things through text messages.

Sound good?

Let’s hop to it.

Telling Ridiculous Jokes

The key to this method of flirting is that you have to be serious at first and then somewhere down the line you suggest something that makes the other person go,

“Is he/she serious?”

A common way to do this is to ask for an opinion on something and then progressively get more and more ridiculous as the conversation carries on.

Now, I realize that this is a hard thing to picture but bear with me here because I am going to give you an example of how this is supposed to work.

Ok, now before I start creating a text message graphic I want you to bear in mind that we are role playing under the assumption that the two of us are both single and “kind of” like each other.

Oh, also remember that I am a man.

Got it?

Good!

Lets pretend that one day you are sitting at home enjoying yourself and I send you this series of text messages,

Screen Shot 2015-06-18 at 1.28.00 PM

Now, these messages clearly aren’t meant to be taken seriously.

They are meant to make you laugh.

What I am trying to do by sending them to you is show you that I have a goofy sense of humor and also show you that I am not like one of those uptight guys out there.

Not to mention, everyone loves to laugh every now and then.

Lets move on to another fun little tactic.

Alluding To A Future Where We Are Dating Each Other

Another thing I would probably do is allude to a future where we are dating each other.

There are a number of ways I can do this but I think I am going to stick to this classic,

Screen Shot 2015-06-29 at 10.28.10 AM

Let me give you a bit of background on this one.

Lets pretend that you and I are texting back and forth for a little bit.

During this texting session we have built up some pretty great rapport.

Then all of a sudden out of the blue I ask you if you have ever been to Hawaii.

You know that place right?

Tropical paradise?

Ultimate vacation for couples?

Well, I have actually been to Hawaii in real life and I can tell you that it is one of the most amazing places on earth.

Anyways, if you study the text above you would notice that I am alluding to future where we are dating and I take you to the beautiful destination.

Why is it important to allude to the future?

Because it makes YOU paint a mental picture in your head of that future.

Imagine if you did something similar to your ex.

If you get him in the habit of painting a future with the two of you together.

Lets move on to the final way of flirting, sending videos.

Sending Videos Over Text Messages

This is something I personally used to get my wife.

When we exchanged numbers for the first time I did something unique.

Something that she probably hadn’t ever seen before.

Rather than sending her a generic text like,

“hey”

or

“What’s up”

I decided to go against the grain and try to stand out.

I sent her a video.

Remember, at this point in our relationship we didn’t know each other very well.

My video to her was simply an introduction video where I introduced myself again (even though we had been “talking.”)

This proved to be a really smart move since I really stuck out from the pack of all the hungry wolves trying to get her and she told me down the line that she really enjoyed the videos.

I look at flirting like I look at a job interview.

It’s all about taking a unique approach that the person has never seen before.

For example, if you are going to try to get a job then it’s all about bringing something unique to the table that can secure you the job.

Lets pretend that you are going out for an interview for a sales job.

What are you selling?

How about a cell phone plan.

Now, if you were going out for a sales job to sell a cell phone plan then you can do what all the other candidates do at the interview and maybe have a chance.

OR

Before the interview you can go out and actually make a few sales or line up a few leads that you can leverage during the interview.

Something tells me an interviewer is going to be more responsive to an interviewee that has already made sales of their product versus the other average joes that are just sitting there answering questions.

Look at the videos you send through text messages like your pre-made sales.

It’s going to be something unique that your ex isn’t used to.

LEVEL 2: Hard Flirting

steel melt

Before I dive in to hard flirting I want to explain this process a little better.

If you refer to the graphic above where I talk about the three levels of seduction you will notice that there are indeed three levels.

I want you to view each of these levels like rungs on a ladder.

So, the three levels are,

  1. Light Flirting
  2. Hard Flirting
  3. In-Person Tactics

I decided to create an infographic so I can properly explain my ladder theory.

three rungs

Notice how the bottom of the ladder is (light flirting) while the top of the ladder is (In Person Tactics.)

The idea here is to climb the ladder to get to the top.

But the only way you can actually climb the ladder is to complete each task.

Look below for an idea of how this works,

three rungs

So, right now we are talking about (hard flirting) which puts us smack dab on the middle rung of the ladder.

The point I am trying to make here is that you can’t advance to (hard flirting) until you compete (light flirting.)

As I explain how to flirt “hard” I am going to be operating under the assumption that you have already completed the light flirting teachings I talked about in level 1 above.

The Idea Behind “Hard Flirting”

This is really where you take advantage of the “less is more” idea that I talked about with the Jaws Theory above.

How do we do that?

Well, there is a way to do it through text messaging and through the phone.

I am going to teach you both.

Lets start with the text message first.

Imagine that you send your ex the following message,

Screen Shot 2015-06-29 at 11.58.28 AM

Lets break this down for a moment specifically the “old childhood bedroom” part.

The whole bit about the bedroom clearly relates to sex.

In other words, in this fake example you and your ex boyfriend had sex in his old childhood bedroom.

But why would you bring it up to him in a text message?

It seems counter intuitive to everything I have taught you in the Jaws theory doesn’t it?

Well… not exactly.

When a woman talks about sex with a man the man is naturally going to get excited.

Lets go back to that quote that I quoted at the beginning of this article.

Before sex a man isn’t thinking clearly…

We are going to leverage this fact.

We already know that men love talking and imagining sex.

So why not talk to him about it a little bit in the form of alluding to a time when the two of you had sex?

Here’s the part that gets tricky though.

Once you have engaged him in the sex talk I want you to completely leave the conversation.

This is going to accomplish a few things.

Firstly its going to make him think he’s gods gift to the world.

“She’s still thinking about me in “that way”” he will probably think to himself.

But right when his ego becomes super inflated you are going to take that ego boost away by just exiting the conversation.

He is going to sit there fishing for more when there is no more to be had.

The result is him constantly trying to figure out why you brought up sex that one time which leads him to chasing you.

Now I want to talk to you about hard flirting and phone calls.

“Hard Flirting” On The Phone

This is a little trickier because you can’t exactly duck out of the conversation immediately if you are talking about sex over the phone.

So, the trick here is to be really subtle about sex if you do decide to approach hard flirting over the phone. Once the big S word is brought up then I want you to wait a good 5 minutes and then suddenly have to go.

In other words, I want you to lightly get his engines all revved up and then leave him with nothing.

As a man I feel I can shed some light on this topic.

Lets say that a man and a woman are talking about sex on the phone.

The sex talk starts turning more sexual and pretty soon the man is pretty turned on.

“I want her so bad” he is thinking to himself.

But then right before he has hit the point of no return the girl tells him this,

“Oh my god… I have to go. I’ll tell you later. Bye..”

This leaves the man all hot and bothered with no… “outlet” to release.

Now, here is the secret that men don’t want women to know.

Men often call a woman who does this a “tease.”

The truth is that men love a tease.

You don’t see too many men chasing a woman who is easy now do you?

But a tease…

A man will chase until the end of time.

If you are going to use a phone call for “hard flirting” then I definitely recommend using this tease method.

LEVEL 3: In-Person Tactics

I walked in

Finally we have reached the top of the ladder.

In-person tactics…

Seducing an ex boyfriend in person is a bit tricky because a lot of women who do reach this point get caught up in the moment and take the seduction all the way.

Now, if you refer to the Jaws Theory section above you would know that the method of seduction that we are teaching here is that you are allowed to do anything except any form of sex.

Let me repeat that for some of my more adventurous readers.

Under no circumstances can you engage in any form of sex with your ex boyfriend.

The idea here is to kick start his emotions for you so he is constantly chasing you. In other words, we are going to be playing cat and mouse with him and sex is probably the one thing that you have to leverage over him.

The second he has you he has no reason to chase you anymore.

I know that may be a harsh thing for you to hear but it’s the truth.

Anyways, lets talk a little about the methods of seduction I want you to employ to really “rev him up.”

Seduction Dress Code

I want you to dress sexy any time you see him in person.

Why?

Because men are very visual creatures and we are going to use this to our advantage.

Now, I want you to note that there is a difference between dressing sexy and dressing too sexy.

You want to know this line very well because if you dress too sexy then he is going to perceive you that way and we actually do want him to be able to listen to you while on the date instead of just staring at your bosoms.

Hmm..

Perhaps it’s best if I give you an example.

Ok, here is an example of someone dressing TOO SEXY,

too sexy

This is a big no-no.

Instead, you should shoot for something like this,

sexy

Notice how this outfit is much more sophisticated looking.

This is what you should be shooting for on the date.

(FYI I personally find it sexy so that’s a plus.)

Acting Flirty

I’ll admit that I went to my wife for this one.

I got a little stuck on the in-person tactics.

It’s ok though as always she was there to help me out of a jam.

When I asked her,

“How do you seduce a man without actually having sex with him?”

Her genius advice was…

DRUM ROLL PLEASE…

Be Flirty

Umm…

“How the heck do you do that?” I asked her.

She had the answer within a millisecond.

As it turns out there are a few things that women can do to be flirty to their ex boyfriends.

The first thing is rather simple.

You are going to make eye contact.

It seems simple right.

But there is something fascinating about eye contact.

It’s almost like eye contact has a direct correlation to passion.

The more eye contact you make the more passionate the encounter.

So, we definitely want to use eye contact to our advantage with your boyfriend.

Another thing that you are going to want to do is to play with your hands.

Little touches here and there can be very effective.

Hmm…

Perhaps I should demonstrate this.

Ok, imagine that you and I are on a date.

You are doing a good job with your eye contact and you decide you want to step up your game by using your hands. Well, what you would do to accomplish this would be to lightly touch me when you could. For example, if we were eating dinner at a restaurant you would an excuse to “accidentally” touch my hands or shoulder or face.

Get it?

Good!

Cutting The Contact Off Early

Another effective tactic you can use to really “rev your ex up” is to cut the date off early.

Why is this effective you ask?

Easy, once you have your ex on the hook wanting sex and you cut the date off early what do you think is going to happen?

He is going to chase you, right?

(Hint Hint: you want him to chase you.)

From there consider him fully seduced!

Published June 30, 2015, | Modified October 25, 2016

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

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What Do You Think? (104)

  1. mary - 0

    mary

    I´m not completely sure but I think that I may have botched this all together and could really need some help.
    Me and my ex had an on and off relationship for the last year but when we dated things were always good. We never fought and always felt good in each other’s presence. I put a stop to the relationship this summer, however, after four months of continuous dating after I realized I wanted a serious relationship and he wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted. Cue me making him see why he should commit.
    After the break up I didn’t contact him for two weeks but then we met and he and I slept together. For me it was just fun and I felt kind of over him and I realize now that I, after the breakup, was totally in charge as he chased me.
    We met a week after this again, at a party and he tried to make me jealous and then asked me to go home with him which I refused. No commitment, no sex, from then on.
    A couple of weeks past without any contact and then he suddenly started to text me and he was once again the chaser while I flirted back but still keeping myself ungettable. After a few days he texted again throughout the night and, even though he had started to date a new girl, he was clearly giving me all the right attention, while explaining that he hadn’t done anything with her.
    After this evening I however emailed him and asked for him to stop writing for a while because I was still hung up on him. Great. He has since moved on to yet another girl and after being silent to him for three weeks (without him texting as well) we once again met at a party where we talked for a bit. He tried to make me jealous with talking, loud enough for me to her, about a new girl he had been seeing and I then asked him to stop. He got a bit angry at me because he thought I had moved on from him and was happy without him. I explained that I was still hurting a bit and it upset me when he threw those things in my face. We hugged for a long time and then he left but we promised to catch up again. We went for a walk a couple of days after this and had a really nice time, where I got to show of my new and improved, happy personality and he seemed really impressed.
    We have since texted a bit but he isn’t at all coming onto me in the texts as before and sometimes stops answering all together. He came by about a week ago and we had a really nice time just hanging out and I made sure to be as fantastic as I could be and he clearly flirted with me. He wanted to come by a few days later (he was the one who initiated the text this time and wanted to meet up) and we once again had a really nice time, but without me making any moves on him, except light flirting which he reciprocated.
    He has made sure that I know that he isn’t dating this girl seriously but I have tried to not show any care in this new relationship of his.
    I thought I was doing really well but a few days later we talked on the phone and I, stupidly, kind of said that he was a fool for choosing her instead of me, and now he hasn’t made any contact, except for liking my Instagram photos, which he never did before. I went completely silent for a week and then tried texting him and got a positive response where he wanted to meet up sometime again and I just said, sure we can do that sometime, not trying to seem to eager. I have also ended all three text conversations very quickly, on my terms, to keep him interested but I´m the one who contacts him and he seems kind of neutral.
    I have worked with myself substantially and now feel like a more confident and amazing person which I clearly see that he has noticed. I know that I will get a great life with or without him but I want to give this one last try where he actually commits to me, as I truly love him. Is it too late? Have I messed up to much or should I continue with the plan? No contact again? I have to meet him on Monday when we are both going to the same party but I plan on being the flirty but still completely ungettable girl, but NC after that? Please help!
    (P.S I also started dating a bit on my own to ”get out there” if this doesn’t work and he knows this and has made more than one comment about him being happy for me, but at the same time trying to insult the guy I’ve me..)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mary,

      Honestly, it’s too on and off. In those situations more likely it’s better to do a longer no contact.. at least 45 days to 60.. You can try your plan, I think it’s your last resort.

  2. Carmelina S. - 0

    Carmelina S.

    hello! I have read your on line course and after 1 year from the break up, I met with my ex 2 weeks ago, after work. It seemed to me that everything went well from a ‘seduction’ point of view. We had great conversation, I was relaxed and happy, he touched me a lot , he brought up nice memories , and he even kissed me on the edge of my lips when we parted. Then he sent a thank you for the lovely evening message with many kisses emoji… I was happy and almost sure he would have followed up and reached out to meet again… But it has been 2 weeks and …nothing happened…. Did I miss my chance? He was evem wearing the bracelet I gave him, and that he had removed after the break up… My male friends say that he feels guilty and that is all… Or he would have tried to spend the night with me, or would have wanted to pay for dinenr instead of splitting ,and woudl have brought a birthday present ( it was mine last month)…. I am little lost now… Shall I still trying to seduce him or i have missed all my chances?
    Thank you for your feedback!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Carmelina,

      Before you met, did you build up rapport with texting and calling first? And after you met, did you keep texting each other?

  3. Annie - 0

    Annie

    Maybe I misunderstood… Are the girlfriends supposed to send joking texts at first? I tried sending him a goofy text just like example you have on here about ballet dancing and it didn’t go as planned. I got as far as texting him “Can I get your opinion about something? And he replied, “Sure! I will call you.” and then he called me right away. I had to tell him sorry for making him think it was something important to drag him away from work that I was just trying to send a joke. He said, “You didn’t drag me away from anything; I needed a break.”
    Boy that was awkward at first. We did end up talking about an issue with our son and then ended up chatting for about 5 minutes. So hopefully it all worked out for the best.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Annie,

      it was an awkward start but in my perspective it went well

  4. Crystal - 0

    Crystal

    I have a comment and question about how to handle this situation. I have dated men, and this happens, every single time, I live with my mother, and she puts me down, to the man, that I’m dating, and says that I don’t look like that, meaning the fact that I look different without makeup, and being fixed up, I know, who doesn’t right, but I have oily skin, and oily hair, so I have to wash on a daily basis, and I know some people can skip days washing their hair, but I have to be meticulous about my hair and skin, because it gets oily so quickly, but she is basically, pointing out my flaws, to my partner, and she is using these techniques, listed above, in this article, as far as she is putting me down, but then, she is simultaneously, flirting with my men, and leading them on, and they get to the point, where I don’t know, if because of the seduction, and they know they can, or what, but they team up with her, and it starts by making comments putting me down, and basically, repeating what she has said, that you don’t look like that, and of course, it’s true, that if I don’t fix up, then, my hair and skin does get oily, so therefore, I have to be careful about it. And, I have to be meticulous, but of course, that is exactly what I am doing in the beginning of the relationship, is being meticulous about my appearance, and regardless of having my hair washed and fresh makeup on, I still get put down, and get the repeated comments, gossip, repeated to me, that she said, and of course, they don’t tell me who said, it but they’re saying, you don’t look like that… well… everyone has to try and usually everyone doesn’t look glamorous rolling out of bed and has to shower, mine is just that my hair skin gets oily, and I have to shower, but I’m putting forth effort, and they haven’t seen me looking bad, but they still repeat what she has said to disparage me. They know from the start her intentions and that she is competing with me and they are on her team to try and put me down, which creates part of the fog, and oppression, and abuse… eventually lead to flirting in front of me with her. I don’t know, if it eventually leads to sex, behind my back, or what, but she is trying to ruin my relationships, by putting me down, and repeating these comments to them, and then, getting in their head, and whatever reason, they are choosing, to put me down, and want sex with her, maybe part of it is because of the seduction that they are on her team, whether she is giving sex or not, she is alluding to it, and flirting with them in front of me, and leading them on and therefore, I assume she has more power than I do, because of these seduction techniques, but why are they teaming up with her, to put me down, and dismiss my efforts, because of what she said, simply because she is seducing them? Is it because they know what it is leading to or the fact of what she is alluding to, whether it happens or not, is that the reason, they are doing it, because they are definitely on her team, in putting me down, and then, is it because they don’t like me at all? Is that why they’re teaming up with her? They make jokes about your mom, in the beginning, suggesting that they know, that she is flirting with them, and they could have both, and then, eventually, I feel like the third wheel, and she takes over, flirting with my man, in front of me, and they both, act like I’m not even there, and I start thinking to myself, do they think that I don’t know, I mean, flirting wouldn’t be there, unless you were interested in sex, I understand her way, because it’s a younger attractive guy, but I don’t understand, as well, giving up someone attractive your age, but it’s part of the seduction, maybe, because he’s already got me. I’m just thinking about the techniques and how she is using seduction, to pull them, away from me, and simultaneously, putting me down, to them, but why team up with her, to put me down, and push me away, is it because I’m not being seductive, and leading men on, and then, asking for the commitment, first, and therefore, I’m virtually, in an open relationship, because I have not done the techniques the right way, and she can come in with seduction, and use sex, without actually having sex, and I don’t know if they eventually do, but using that lure, sex, to appeal to them, to put me down, etc. Is it all because of the allure the possibility of sex? Or is the actually doing it? And I guess these men just feel they are in an open relationship? The sad part is the number that she and he are doing to me mentally and emotionally by trying to make me think that something is wrong with me, and they are just falling for all of this seduction? Why? Why? Why? This has happened at least two relationships. And, other just friends that are mine that are males, she does the same thing, disparaging me, and trying to flirt, or get them to team up with her, and put me down, etc. Some fall for it, and I don’t exactly understand why they would team up with her, to put me down? That is the part that I don’t understand.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Crystal

      move out and go to a therapist so, that you can learn how to filter those kind of negativity and to build and maintain confidence

    • Shante - 0

      Shante

      So I dated this guy for 2 months, I decided that to break the relationship off since things were getting cold and distant. We do work together btw, but we don’t talk at work unless it’s necessary aND strictly pertains to work. Recently he’s been txting me and I haven’t responded to his messages, we’ll except one that was work related. After I did respond to that txt he replied saying how glad he was that I responded bec he feared that I was going to ignore him for the rest of my career. I’m not sure how to interpret this. Then yesterday he seen my car pass him on the street and he sends me a txt saying ” not even going to wave or honk huh?” I think he’s missing me and hates that I’m ignoring him, however I would like to get back together as our breakup was a rash decision on my part, it seems to me like he’s trying to keep in contact bec he also wants to try again. Please help…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shante,

      how long have you been doing no contact? How sure are you that he’s not friendzoning you?

  5. Surprised - 0

    Surprised

    Ok so I’m dealing with booty call/mixed signal issues. I made the mistake pre NC of sleeping with him, so now he thinks that’s a thing. I’m about 3-4 weeks post NC and he’s chasing. Hard. Even showed up at my house yesterday – he tried to get physical and I managed to be flirty and dodge my way out of it. I did let him give me a kiss, stopped him, and told him that I’d already told him he is going to have to convince me that anything sexual is a good idea. I kicked him out (very nicely), told him I’d be open to drinks that night which he agreed to. I’ve told him he’s going to have to take me out, act a certain way in order for me to even consider anything more. Long story short is he flaked on drinks- I think had I responded to his 10p text he would’ve tried for the booty call- but I had already told him earlier we’d have to reschedule bc it was too late. I’ve got him swiping at the proverbial yarn ball, no problem. The issue now is that he’s kind of half bought in on dates. We did go for a run together a few weeks ago with no issue, but actual dates ….It’s like he wants to, but then realizes I probably want more and is testing my boundaries. How do I chill him out without totally “shooting his horse” and get him to date?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Suprised,

      you have to be strong because you have to show value.. it’s ok to hang out outside but dodge staying in anyone’s place.. right now you’re in nc?

    • Surprised - 0

      Surprised

      Nope! Did 30 day NC already, we’ve been back to talking via text for about a month now. I think you’re right about showing value. Drawing that line and telling him that I’m interested, but he needs to take me out/not act like a horned up teenager was hard… but I think the fact that he was trying to be all over me in person and I sent him away was a huge benefit to my value. Telling him that we’d have to reschedule that night because he texted me too late probably didn’t hurt either. My guess is that he’s going to throw a little tantrum and go silent for a few days, but I plan on backing off and giving him space to come to me (he’s been doing that). I’ve just honestly never experienced a guy that literally begs for sexual attention, but is flaky about follow through. I know in another article Chris mentions guys “testing”… is it possible he’s trying to see how I react to bad behavior and pushiness to test value/reaction? If he continues to push the envelope about sexual texting, which always consists of him soliciting and me being flirty without engaging, do I try to use that to transition him to a phone call/public date?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yep.. you can try that.

    • Surprised - 0

      Surprised

      Quick update, I think it’s going well but I can’t help but feel that twinge of “maybe i’m reading too much in to this”. He left for vacation, and was largely silent but when I sent out text number 1 at day 2.5 of silence, then another 4 days later he responded right away to both. After the later text exchange (which was a “hope you’re having a great vacation!” initiation), which I ended with a “heading in to dinner ttyl”, i got a snapchat from him at 1am. Much to my surprise it wasn’t anything raunchy, it was a video clip of a movie we both really like. *hmm*. So now he’s back. He initiated contact within 24 hours of being home (after 5 days of my pulling back), I asked if he’d like to go for a walk, which we did, followed by sitting on the porch and talking for a while. We talked about a lot of good things but what I found interesting was that he shared how little fun it was having to wingman for his recently single friend, and was definitely trying to show off a little about how he’s lost some weight and has been working out again. He also talked a lot about his family (who I’ve met), and how he needs to get his own place because his roommate (who he previously had resigned to being a permanent fixture) needs to go. I made sure to give him a hug hello, which was good, and over the course of our talking we’d occasionally find little ways to non-chalantly touch each other – but while we were sitting talking he eventually put his hand on my leg with no move to try anything else. The hug goodbye was textbook in terms of what Chris talks about with positive body language. He held me tight, put his face in my neck, and when I tested the pull back, he was still holding on tight. After he left though, he started texting like a horny teenager. I played along a bit by giving him a PG-13 answer to a sex question, but after that made a point of telling him he’d have to wait for any more, that while I really enjoy/miss that with him, I wasn’t going to be his booty call (nicely/playfully). Just a few questions that are lingering:
      Should I be worried about him trying to call me out for being a tease (which he did)? I know guys will get irritated and reject a girl sometimes if they feel like they’re being gamed.
      Pre EBR I definitely chased him trying to get him back, so I have been very hesitant to engage too much, just planting seeds and letting him come to me.
      Now that we’ve had one small date (a run) and one small/medium (smedium?) date (this walk), I’m pretty sure he’s doing a lot of thinking – should I continue to just let him come to me to avoid chasing? What’s the longest I should let pass between messages if he’s being silent? I’ve initiated the 2 hang outs, should I sit tight and see if he makes the move for the next one? If so… how long do I wait before I bite the bullet and initiate again?

      You guys are life savers! Thank you!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s ok to initiate texting.. so do that, just end the convo yourself.. and then during the convo while building up rapport, maybe after a week again or two, drop hints of activities that you can do.. ask him if he has heard about or if he has any idea or experience about it and then continue on other activities with your friends. Do activities with other friends without him that he mihgt want to experience then take him there

    • Surprised - 0

      Surprised

      Well it looks like we have a “no response”. I sent him a note yesterday after 6 days just saying “headed out for a run but you’re on my mind, Hope you’re having a great week!”. Nothing…. usually he responds within 10 minutes or so. After him chasing sex hard last week, and me telling him nicely I wouldn’t be his booty call he kept trying a little/begging. I eventually just dropped off. Next day I invited him to a group event, he said he had plans and apologized, which was cool. Told him no problem 🙂 We ran in to each other about an hour later, I was nice with him- but he seemed a little off. Maybe a bit frosty but still nice. Now the silent treatment… what do I do? Part of me wants to ask if he’s mad at me, but maybe just letting him go is better? Help!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      jhmmm..give it another week..let’s see if he still contacts you

    • Shante - 0

      Shante

      Oh also forgot to mention that he will send me messages while we are at work that say hi and bye when he leaves. Again I haven’t responded to any txts that are not specifically work related.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shante,

      how long have you been doing no contact? How sure are you that he’s not friendzoning you?

  6. Kait - 0

    Kait

    Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he just acts normal again or sometimes he’ll say things like ‘going to be a normal gf or still an angry troll’ I admit when we argue at times I can say some really horrible and unforgivable things, but so has he. He’s said many times over the past months that he doesn’t love me and hasnt wanted to be with me for months now. It’s mostly him who breaks up with me, I’ve only ever broken up with him I’ve but I didn’t mean it. He’s also said that he’s only taken me back because I made him or wouldn’t leave him alone. Now last week we had a huge fight on Sunday and things got so bad and again he said were over and that he doesn’t love me anymore and that once I leave his house I won’t be setting foot in there ever again. Things got broken and he got angry and pushed me but I replaced the broken things and got them sent to his house. He text me after the break up saying he got the items but he can’t accept them knowing how he feels about us and that he sees no future for us and doesn’t see us ever working. I tried to do no contact but failed on day 3 🙁 and text him back saying ‘Hey, I was just thinking about the first time we went to the cinema together to see Jurassic World, it was so good. I am glad we did that.’ But because he didn’t reply I turned into a text gnat and then said ‘could we talk please? I don’t like how things were left.’ He replied ‘I enjoyed the good times we had too but things arent the same and we argue too much, please send me your address so i can return the items as it doesnt feel right’ I responded ‘I don’t want to lose you, so will you please work with me to make our relationship work again, I know I don’t deserve it but I care for you deeply and I love you..I want you to keep the them, I’m sorry.’ And again he didn’t respond so I text him again saying ‘Please just talk with me, even if you hate me, please hear me out.’ He responded saying ‘it’s over I sorry, there’s nothing else I can say’ I continued to keep begging him to take me back and him not replying and when he I asked him if he loved me he said no sorry and he also said he won’t be contacting me anymore and i really dont want to upset you more and talking is doing that, you are more than welcome to let me send the items back, other than that good bye. I continued to bombard him with messages and calls, he replied no my minds made up..I continued to message and call him the next day too but no reply. It’s not been almost 3 days I haven’t heard from him and I’m absolutely terrified of losing him. I didn’t text him today so this is the first day I haven’t contacted him for..I want to try the no contact but I always end up caving in. Do you think the Nc rule will get him to speak to me or even give us a chance of ever getting back together? Please help.

    Reply
  7. Lean - 0

    Lean

    Hi Chris. So the short version of this post is: seduce ex – make him want sex – let him commit. You explain the first two parts so very well, thank you! But what now? Surely sex isn’t the only thing to make him want a relationship, that failed once. How can I use his desire to make him forget the past and overcome his doubts?

    Reply
  8. SnowWhite - 0

    SnowWhite

    Perhaps I can come clean about my story (at first I thought – gosh, every lady is seeking an answer from Chris). My ex and I are from different backgrounds he’s Chinese-born, I’m Russian-born. We knew each other in college, forward 4 yrs later we were dating. We realized how similar in mind we were (he actually told me he always wondered what it would be like to date ‘himself’). We were twin-flames. Needless to say, our Sun-Tzu-like similarities had our break up end in a manner similar to chimps tossing sh*t at one another. After 5 months of NC (after I finally ‘got it’), we bumped into each other at the kickboxing gym. The first time, he saw me there (in NYC, though I go to office there once in a while), he literally made a run for the exit. The second time we were there, he manned up…. i.e. – he made sure I couldn’t see him, hiding behind punch bags, while for some reason remaining close during the drills. We finally locked eyes towards the end of the class — I could read in him (and it’s not projection, I usually have good intuition) – “hurt, regret, ambivalence about his choice”, meanwhile he was trying to read me, but I was as nonchalant as I could possibly be. Nevertheless, the (sexual) tensions could be cut with a knife, with us being in opposite corners of the room. We still don’t talk – both too stubborn and ambivalent. Since he had more dating experience and had auto-resorted to power-games while we were still together, I’m not about to bow down now. Can there be a chance in a situation like this?

    Reply
  9. SnowWhite - 0

    SnowWhite

    Wow, Chris! I’ve pretty much forfeited the work-day today (god bless flex-hours) and could not tear myself away from the diamond-posts you are elegantly spitting. Idk if my ‘nice guy turned dumper’ ex and I will get together again, though I still feel I love him (which makes me cringe sometimes). Your blog is by far the most insightful, honest and noteworthy information on relationships (and ex-files) I have seen thus far. Many Thanks!!

    Reply
  10. Emily - 0

    Emily

    Hey Chris, i’m in a dilema… well there’s this guy, who was dating his gf and he broke up with her to try to have something with me. things got pretty good between us, and we started off being friends with benefits. My friends used to tell me that he was really into me (because he told one of my friend – when he was with his gf – that if i started have feelings for him he would leave his gf to be with me. ) Everything between us was going great, he had a lot of fun together and i could feel that he really liked me, tho we were in a friend with benefit relationship, but one day a friend of mine called him to tell him that i was sad and that i missed him – which was true but i wasn’t going to tell him because i didn’t want to ruin what we had. – then he texted me saying that i was doing everything wrong and that i was starting to like him and get feeling for him, and he wanted to break up with me. weeks later i discovered that he went back to his ex gf. thought i was really sad for him doing it, i started the rule of no contact at all thought we were on the same school. i didn’t texted him or talked to him for about 5 months. well, about a month ago he texted me. he is flirting with me ,he told me that he still recall the time we were together and that he wanted to be with me again. i told him that i’d love that but he had a gf and i didn’t want problems for me. he told me that she didn’t need to know and that he wouldn’t take me out of his mind.
    then he asked me to go out with him twice and it never happened because he had important things to do.
    i really don’t know what to do. i mean, i wanna be with him. but the thing i don’t get is why he texted me after 5 months and while he’s with his gf, to be in a friends with benefits relationship again… help me please…

    Reply
    • Gina - 0

      Gina

      Maybe his girlfriend isnt as good in sex as you are hehe or you’re hotter. The thing is I can see he only wants your body, Im sorry.

  11. Jess - 0

    Jess

    I really love this article I have been thinking about how I could get my ex back for a long time. I already made a couple mistakes but I am hoping this next time I can do it right.

    Reply
  12. Dawn - 0

    Dawn

    Alright, my boyfriend broke up with me (we’d been off and on for about a month because we’d both been away for a while and it was stressing the relationship) and I contacted him after. At first he was happy, “I wanna be friends” all the time an then after a week he was more cold and finally he blocked me, this was about a month ago and I’m going to see him soon everyday. Is it possible for me to still make him miss me? The relationship was really perfect before its ubrupt end and he had said we should give it some space until school starts up again (junior year in college). He told me to keep his belongings but I just returned them the other day

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Have you read my article on blocking yet?

  13. reene - 0

    reene

    Hi chris..I just read some of your article and I think that is great and help me to have better approach with my feeling and my ex. But I still confuse how to handle some part of it and how my ex actually think and want with us. So short story..we have been dating for 5 months…near our 6 months..he broke up with me saying that he is boring..he can’t make me happy and to be honest..I can sense it like quite sometime because he rarely initiate date..he is not spend time with me anymore…he seems distant and pull away. I try to ask him wht happen..but he just shut it off and in the end he said tht I’m not caring enough…he even said tht now he hate seeing me cooking for him…so we broke up.

    I try to move on…then around 1 week later..my family had some natural disaster back in my country…i was so worried and scared…then he showed up after read tht news and being there for me..help me contact my family..I was grateful for tht but I don’t dare to expect more..then he give me head pat like he used to do when we still dating..

    After tht we continue with our daily life…well…we work in the same instituion…and in the same building..so usually on lunch I go to kitchen and cook..and he usually do the same…and just two days ago…when I cook…we have casual talking..discuss about our job..etc..then…he suddenly kissed me passionately…I try to reject at first…but since I still have feeling for him…I got weak and response in the kiss.

    After the kiss..we separate…and he just left quick by saying he has to come back to work…I’m thinking like…wht???…why he do tht?…wht he want???..is he playing with me??…and sadly he is not contacting me at all till today…and I don’t also want to contact him either. I don’t want to chase him and nag him since he is the one who broke me up and said he isn’t happy and can’t make me happy.. but with all his attitude towad me…it is like confusing…can you help me chris?…wht does he want?…does he just playing? Does he want to come back? Does he just want sex? Wht is his motivation?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Wait a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

      Gather some more data first.

  14. Ser - 0

    Ser

    Hi chris, my ex boyfriend and i live in the same city but we were in a long distance relationship because he was studying in a different state. We broke up 2months ago because of some stupid argument and i succeeded in doing the no contact rule for only about 3weeks. We were suppose to have that last “date” but then he cancelled it 3days ago when he texted me saying “hey i just wanted to say you dont have to come here im happy by myself i hope you understand sorry” and I kind of went crazy again i told him i wasnt desperate (although it looked like it) because the only reason i wanted to spend a day with him is for us to talk things out and just finally get over it so it wouldnt have to be hard the next time we talk or see each other but he’s always cold around me and i cant even get him to talk to me. Two weeks from now he’ll be visiting here on the weekend because our friend is having a debut and i dont know what to do although i am a hundred percent sure he is physically attracted to me, i feel that i have no chance in pulling off any of these methods because he told everyone including my sister that he doesnt love me anymore. Truth is I cant tell. Even before the breakup i kind of felt that his emotional attraction for me was fading kind of saw it coming but I just dont understand how he could move on so quickly like the 20months were just nothing to him. I dont know anymore I’ve been slapped too many times by reality but still, i have that little hope even though my situation is pretty hopeless.. Please get back to me i would really like some advice. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      You probably should have built more attraction first before going on a date.

  15. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    Hi Chris,
    I just found your website yesterday & I can’t seem to read & re-read enough of your information. I am on board 100% however my situation is a bit different. I have been off & on with my boyfriend (I am 42 & he is 44) for almost 3 years now. We are both divorced & have children from our previous marriages & they all get along fine. Our problem is that he ONLY wants our relationship to go “so far” more specifically, he outright REFUSES to include me with any of his extended family (His parents, brothers & their families) He won’t take me to any of their get-together’s & holidays are completely out of the question. When I have questioned him, its the same old excuses “He’s not ready for that step” “He was married for 22 years & his nephews & niece only knew his ex-wife” (although hes been divorced for 4 yrs now) yet, he claims that everyone in his family knows hes been seeing me. Personally I believe that he has no intentions of a future with me & that is why he has not & will not include me. So, I’ve gone NC in the past before I found your site & I’ve lasted 2 weeks, he calls, texts and when those don’t work he comes to my house unexpectedly. Sadly, I have become the girlfriend how meets all his needs (just like your program outlines AND MORE) My boyfriend & I go in cycles of closeness, then out of the blue, he backs away. Last Wednesday, I finally told him (over the phone) that I have no reason to continue to invest in a man who clearly doesn’t invest in me. his answer? “I’m afraid to let you go & find out later that I cannot survive without you or worse yet, when I do decide to start dating other people, I won’t find another woman who loves me & bends over backwards the way you do.” & basically he wants a monogamous relationship with me but I’m expected to sit on the shelf & wait for him to decide when he’s ready to move forward..at this point, There isn’t enough jelly beans left . So, I am determined to go NC for the full 30 days starting today (even though he has called me 3 times already) I think he is stringing me along, does it sound like that to you also? Thank you for reading

    Reply
  16. Mona - 0

    Mona

    Hi Chris. I tried everything with my ex I even got him for a meet up after NC but when was going for texting he said that we can’t get back together. I don’t know if I moved to fast or if its really over or I should start the NC from the beginning?

    Reply
  17. Trying to Stay in No Contact - 0

    Trying to Stay in No Contact

    It doesn’t seem like I am going to get a follow-up reply. My birthday just passed and I really wanted to start in a strong place. Perhaps it’s best to not give much background as I thought it would help in formulating your replies. I will try the book and if it does not help me, I will just return it at this point. Not sure how much longer I want to even try this site either. Discouraged.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Hi There,

      Sorry for the late response. Theres only one of me and there are millions of you so it can be tough sometimes.

      How can I help you?

  18. Waiting and Asking him out while looking strong - 0

    Waiting and Asking him out while looking strong

    Good afternoon, Chris;
    Let me summarize my case:
    My boyfriend broke up with me 17 days ago and I´ve been using NC since then. The reason was that he felt overwhelmed with his work, and didn´t feel like he could do well in any aspect of his life, including our relationship. I understand him, because he is a soundtrack composer and you know how these things are: You don´t have almost any work in months and then, BAM, loads of it.

    However, I got to know via Fb that he is finishing some projects and starting new ones, so I´m happy because it´s what he needs to feel worthy and confident about his skills. What worries me is: Considering his reasons for the breakup, it´s still a good idea that I write first after the NC? I mean, he´s like in a personal crisis that probably will take more than a month to solve, and I don´t want him to feel overwhelmed, specially because he literally said: “I will contact you when I feel better”

    Apart from that, since then I´m following your advice, and I´ve even read your posts related to when we meet in person and all that, just to be prepared. I understand all that´s related to seduction and the chase theory, but here comes my second doubt: Imagine that we meet, start flirting and we build sexual tension as the days pass. If I ask him for commitment before sex, is like showing all my cards because from that moment on, he will know for sure that I want him back.

    How do you ask for commitment without looking weak? Do you say something like: I´m looking for someone who won´t consider me just a booty call? I´ve read your post about how to ask him out, but it seems like a perfectly prepared scenario. I´m concerned about the fact that we build intimacy and I have to stop him when he asks for sex. I don´t want to look weak but I don´t want him to feel super rejected or something.

    Sorry for the long comment, I hope you can help me 🙂

    Reply
  19. Kate - 0

    Kate

    Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years for “experience” and realized he was all I wanted and now he doesnt want to work on things and is talking to a girl/friend. I just started the NC about 7 hours ago and he is blowing my phone up. He cant handle being alone and im afraid he will turn to this other girl and take things too far and Im not going to want him after that. We have only slept with each other and it will kill me knowing he has been with someone else. What do I do? he is acting like nothing happened.

    Reply
  20. Katie - 0

    Katie

    My ex broke up with me a month ago. I have started no contact 17 days ago. The only issue is that he kept begging me to be friends with him before that so I told him I needed not to hear from him until I saw him at his sister’s baby shower. So now I am trying to figure out what to do since my first contact after nc will be in person and everything I read says it should be eased into with a text. I need help ASAP since I will be seeing him in 10 days!!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Have you prepared a text yet Katie?

    • Katie - 0

      Katie

      No I haven’t because I wasn’t suppose to talk to him before the babyshower since that is at the end of nc, it would be 27 days of nc. Should I txt him before I see hi at the baby shower even though that will be breaking nc early?

    • Katie - 0

      Katie

      No I have not. I wasn’t sure about sending a text since I am seeing before the 39 days nc is up, it will be only 27 days. Should I think of sending him a text before hand or start texting him a couple days after the baby shower?

  21. Trying to Stay in No Contact - 0

    Trying to Stay in No Contact

    Hi Chris,

    I ended up doing 15 days of NC before I saw your reply and messaged him on day 16. I followed your directions and sent a text he could not help but reply to. Fast-forward to what is one week later and in that time I have successful been building a 50/50 texting ratio and I felt confident enough to ask him who that person was in a non-jealous or emotional manner. He confirmed that we are still monogamous and she is a recruiter actually. I have been good about leaving time between messages and I have started now ending convos on the high-note, such as today, and we’re back to joking a bit, which eventually (I don’t think any sooner than next month) I would maybe text a flirty text. I want to let him be the one messaging me soon in the coming weeks first from the get-go, but then again I have had my phone off but will put it back on tomorrow and will move from internet messaging to text. I have just been next thinking to do “mini NCs” of 2-4 day like you advised in one podcast to not be predictable or make him think he has all my attention.

    I repeat your mantra to myself “patient in NC, patience in contact”. I was just wondering now, could I possible go into another 21-30 day NC, as I take an exam tomorrow, and have a few things coming up that don’t solidify until mid-August about, so it may be a good time where I will have lots of news and have been achieving a lot of goals (additional work, graduate school acceptance, and my birthday where I intend to have a new selection of great photos for social media. I am looking to open up an instagram account and make him my first friend). I also have interest in finally taking my fitness to the next level for fitness modeling and spoke to a trainer today.

    What do you think? So this time do a full 21-30 day NC and build that “missing me” energy again or mystery? Thanks for your time and input.

    Reply
    • Trying to Stay in No Contact - 0

      Trying to Stay in No Contact

      FYI: We also had a clear talk on the status of our relationship and it went well and he put me at ease, but he is generally trying to get his life back into normalcy first before he feels he is in a place to move into an even deeper level than how we were (he has been through a lot lately and confessed he has just buried himself in work and basketball). I had also been a texting and calling gnat and he confessed that had left him a little “apprehensive” when he had been going through things, but I basically let him know I would like to earn his trust again and in no ways will I smother him and let’s take it slow.. He is also letting me in a bit in our messaging in regard to his weekends and family, the pets we are both invested in (he has them but I send treats and toys for them and he sends me photos and we discuss the hilariousness of our babies), which are all positive signs things are slowly going back to how they used to be but it is slow, but I am patient.

      My end goal is move to the phone and then to plan our next mutual visit. Either way he will be up here again in a couple months (3) for a wedding we are both attending and we always stay together, so things are in a good medium-long timeline to solidify things (I am willing to not really be in a rush to solidify things until I finish school next year–it is not a long program-and I will probably move closer to him or do my first internship after school in the same city, so I do have an “end goal” as you advise with long distance).

    • Trying to Stay in No Contact - 0

      Trying to Stay in No Contact

      I also used each your texting types already initially (intriguing text, sincere memory, lending my support, jealousy), but now I just work on having a short, normal convo, of increasing length, in 50/50 ratio, keeping it positive and light, with mini-NC to start being used more regularly (just did it once so far).

  22. Katie - 0

    Katie

    Hi Chris.

    My ex dumped me a month from tomorrow. I started no contact 16 days ago, I obviously didn’t read the nc before the begging and pleading and when I did that was that. Sadly the difference is is that when I did it I actually told him while we discussed why I couldn’t just be his best friend instead that I didn’t want to hear from him for the next month until I see him at his sister’s baby shower. I am really nervous about what to do and I will be seeing him in 11 days. Everything seems to lead from light initial contact before meeting them in person and instead I am jumping straight in to in person contact after nc. What would you suggest to be the best method of behaving when I see him in 11 days? Please help!

    Reply
  23. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    Chris,

    Im meeting up with my ex on Friday, to get something my Dad let him borrow back. We are talking everyday, flirting, and have got to the stage where hes started talking about our “old times” – wink wink. In detail. So what I am wondering is how do I meet up with him and control the situation to where we can be flirty, and I can seduce him, but not let him think he can get the milk without buying the cow.

    We are flirting everyday, as well as having normal light conversations, and hes told me on several occassions he “wants me” – in a sexual way, but I dont want it to turn into a friends with benefits deal. I want the commitment. I want the relationship.

    It will be our first meeting since breaking up and i dont want him to think he can click his fingers and I will just jump into bed with him. But I also dont want him to lose interest altogether (not that I would ever sleep with anyone just to keep their attention).

    What do I do? Whats some little line I could pull out if things even happen to get a little carried away and starts to head down that road?

    Kinda awkward to ask, but Im sure many girls will end up in the same situation with their exes.

    Any advice ASAP would be helpful as I am meeting him in 3 days!

    Reply
  24. Sharon - 0

    Sharon

    Hi Chris. I have been following your blog ever since I split up with my boyfriend of 5months. I ended things with us as 1)he can’t commit and 2)he’d rather spend most of his Saturday nights out in a bar with his mates. I have successfully done the NC and on the 6th week,he initiated contact. He’s asking if I am seeing someone, when I’m going for a holiday, and whether I’ve seen the movie that we were waiting to watch since we used to be together. He seems to want to be in touch so I reciprocated. After the initial contact,he’s then texting everyday to ask how my day was. All good and peachy until weekend comes. Dead silence. I never got any text from him not even a short Hi. Then when Monday rolls in,he’s back to texting again. which I ignored. Then another text on Tuesday,ignored. by the third day when he texted,I replied back and I may have replied harshly. I asked him why he’s asking my daily stuff(but can’t be bothered on weekends). He just said he doesn’t know and he just wants to see how I am. That was our last texts, 12 days ago. I still like him but the way I reacted to him ignoring me on weekends might have pushed him further away. I don’t know how to redeem myself. Do I still have a chance to get him back let alone commit?

    Reply
  25. Annie - 0

    Annie

    Hi Chris
    It’s been a while since I’ve posted as things have been going great with my ex. NC really works! We’ve been dating and hanging out and moving forward, or so I thought, I invited him to a birthday party and warned him people may read a lot into it and he said, tell them the truth, that we are just friends. So a little while later I spoke to him about it and he said, he just wants to take it slow. I agree with that, but then he invited me on a family holiday and repeatedly said, just as friends though, because we’ve been moving forward I have slept with him and we have been spending a lot of time together. It’s taken so long to get to this point I was quite proud of myself following your steps. Clearly now I realise I’ve done something wrong. Have you got any advices out what I should do? I’m so confused by this right now.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Glad NC is working for you!

      Ya, you maybe talked to him a little too soon about relationship stuff.

    • Annie - 0

      Annie

      Thanks for your reply, I discovered last night he’s met someone else and has been texting her but keeping his options open with me, obviously this has hurt me, is there a way to turn this around? Because right now, the way I’m feeling, I’m tempted to walk away for good, we were doing so well. I don’t think I can do no contact again, although it was worth it, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, any advice?

  26. Elle - 0

    Elle

    I initiated contact with my ex for the 3rd time with no real tactic or “comeback to me” intention, it really was for information I knew he could answer for me, next thing I know he’s making plans to come see me within the hour! He’s never been the type to initiate something and with me being an ex now I didn’t even think he’d try anything with me. (He was the one who initiated the break up.) he came over he felt really comfortable to act flirtatious, staring into my eyes, telling me I’m beautiful, he would find reasons to touch my hand, I totally had my guard up thinking okay, what the heck is he thinking? Needless to say he tried sleeping with me. Things did get a little hot and heavy but I put an end to it. Everything happened so fast I couldnt help but ask wth does this even mean? Him and I are pretty straight forward and he knows I hate things sugar coated. I knew if I asked this he would give me a straight answer, but all he’s said was “let’s just see where it goes.” He’s a stubborn sort of fella and has always been honest to where it would hurt to hear. I’m just taken back by all of this. but this article made feel good about not giving in.

    Reply
  27. Melissa - 0

    Melissa

    I recently started seeing a guy in May, he was very persistent. I had no real interest in him at first. He practically begged and pleaded and the more I put him off, the harder he worked. Eventually, I gave in and saw that he was a really great guy and we hit it off. Over the 4th of July weekend we made plans for me to stay at his condo but he had tickets to a soccer game with a few of his buddies, so he said come over later. He never said a exact time but I didn’t really give it much thought. So while he was watching the game, I made plans with one of my girlfriends to go eat dinner. Dinner ended around 8 and she mentioned she had some guy friends who were heading to the lake for a little evening boat ride and it wouldn’t last very long. So i agreed to go with her. He ended up texting me right after we had gotten on the boat, and got extremely upset. He thought it was weird that I was on a boat so late, he didn’t know any of the guys there and he said I was being selfish and inconsiderate of our plans after he rushed home after the game ( that ended around 10) to be with me. I suggested that I come when I get off but he said it would be too late and he was already upset and wanted to go to bed and we would talk in the morning. We talked the next day and he was still pretty upset and he said it didn’t settle very well with him. I asked him if he needed space to think or if he felt he was done and he replied he didn’t know.

    So Monday evening I thought it would be a good idea if I showed up and we talked in person, I called him and told him i was outside his condo and he said he was down the street at the bar his friend works at. His friend was closing so he was going to sit there with him and talk. I told him ok and I was heading home and hopefully we could talk in person soon. He texted me at 1 am telling me he just got home and that he missed me and wished I was there. I told him I missed him too and wanted to talk to him tomorrow night. He said ok as long as he didn’t have any meetings and he would let me know around noon. Well Tuesday afternoon came and went and I hadn’t heard from him. I sent him a text and no reply.

    Its Thursday and still nothing. Should I let him contact me? I get the situation was sketchy and that he was upset, but this upset? I’m starting to get confused! Do you think he was just losing interest in me and this was a out for him? or did I really just break his trust and he is trying to figure out what he wants? I need a males perspective cause he obviously will not talk to me right now. Should I do a NC Rule for 15 days on him if he does contact me? I don’t really know what happened here.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      I think you should do a NC rule right now regardless of him contacting you or not.

  28. Mina - 0

    Mina

    The texting is going well.. We texted about 4 times up till now.. But I’m concerned he’s just being nice.. I know he’s always been on friendly terms with his ex girlfriends..
    How do I get him to see me in a different way and realize I’m not looking to be his friend?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Did you initially do NC?

    • Mina - 0

      Mina

      Yes. i tried the brining up the old good memories text.. We talked about how we used to make breakfast together. At some point something came up and I responded after a while that I miss it he wasn’t connected to WhatsApp and later when he saw is he didn’t respond.. So I started talking about something esle and he responded right away.
      I don’t know how to creat more conversations with him and keep him intrigued

  29. Emma - 0

    Emma

    Hi Chris,

    I’m really hoping you can give me some input on this, it’s super hard to understand the motivations behind my ex’s actions.

    I dumped my ex in 2009, after a 3 year relationship. We were too young for a serious commitment and were each others first boyfriend/girlfriend so I felt like we needed to play the field, even though our relationship was mostly great.

    Fast-forward 8 years, and he contacts me out of the blue, wanting to meet up for old time’s sake. I agreed, and we had a lovely coffee and a great conversation, just like while we were dating. He ended up coming to my house and yes, we slept together, but I didn’t want or expect any more than that one night, since he was being deployed the next day and would be gone for well over a year. In fact I never expected to hear from him again.

    I was very surprised when, three months later, he contacted me again! We had a very nice conversation over about two days (which I would say progressed to heavy flirting), but then I sent a reply and never heard back, so I left it for a month and did not attempt to contact him in any way (though I did check every day to see whether he had finally replied).

    Well, during that month, I was thinking a lot about our relationship, and I started to wonder if maybe there was still a connection between us so after waiting a month, I decided to message him again, just a short message to see how he was.

    Again we talked for about two days (and he sent me this cute story he had written about me) but then I sent him a message two days ago and he didn’t reply.

    What do you think was his original motivation for getting in touch again, and why do you think he messaged me after three months? Do you think he maybe wants to get back together? I am considering it because I know now (after 8 years apart) that I will always have feelings for this guy, but I am quite confused by his behaviour as it seems very hot and cold. It’s only 6 months now until he gets back, and I am currently single, so I’m wondering, should I wait for him to see if there is anything, or is he just playing with me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Hmm… was sex talked about a lot during your conversation?

  30. Kristin - 0

    Kristin

    So my ex and I flirt but he is unsure about getting back together. We were texting the other day about how I m working out to get in shape and he was like I will be here as much as you need me to to help. Also I mentioned being nervous about a doctors appointment and he said I will go with you. Isn’t he acting like a supportive boyfriend? What can I do to get him to commit..he is up and down like saids no way and then it’s a maybe and now he saids stuff like this. Help!

    Reply
    • Kristin - 0

      Kristin

      Also to add in we have slept together…he saids this is more then a one night stand and that he has never stopped loving me…but this is less then a relationship. He doesn’t know if we will work one minute and the next he saids it won’t How do I get it to a relationship? And he said those nice things about the doctor appoint and working out like yesterday. Help!!!!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      I really wish you hadn’t of crossed that line by sleeping with him.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      He is but lets see if he actually shows up for the appointment.

    • Kristin - 0

      Kristin

      Do you think I have a chance? Do you think this could work? What should I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      I sure do.

    • Kristin - 0

      Kristin

      What should I do he is coming over to work out with me we always end up having sex…

    • Kristin - 0

      Kristin

      How do I fix this to where he wants to commit?

    • Kristin - 0

      Kristin

      Also he seems to want to care for me which he said. He wants to take care of me even though I don’t need him to he loves me and always will. But he won’t commit he keeps thinking this won’t work or he isn’t sure…I want this bad what do I do!???!!!!!!!

    • Kristin - 0

      Kristin

      Um can you help idk what to do please

  31. S - 0

    S

    He has a new girlfriend, yet he talks about the times we’ve had sex when we text. I always lead him on to the hard flirting and he’s so responsive that he ends up saying, “I so want you right now”. I exit the conversation at that moment as I pretend to have fallen asleep while texting. Everything goes just like the way I want it to.

    But the problem is, whenever I tell him he has to commit to me to get the sex, he takes a U-turn and says he can’t because he’s with her. Then I’m like, okay fine. After this I do a month long NC on him. He texts me during NC too, but I never reply. When I’m done with my full month NC, we start texting again, we flirt again, we end up having the sex talks again. This goes on and on, Chris. There never comes a point when he’s actually wanting to commit to me. All because he can’t leave his new girlfriend.

    How do I break this pattern? I’ve done the push-and-pull many times and I’m always in control of myself. It’s seems like he’s used to the pattern by now. This has been going on for about 3-4 months now. Before that I always ended up sleeping with him cause I didn’t have the self control back then. Now I don’t sleep with him,i just engage him in sex talks, that’s it.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Sounds like he is not very good to his current girlfriend.

      Well, I think you have the seduction part down pat. The issue with you seems to be the fact that sex is all he wants. We need to find a way to break this habit.

      Hmm… if only his new girlfriend could find out that he is talking about you in a sexual way…

    • S - 0

      S

      But even if she does find out, won’t it hurt my chances? She might blame me for talking sexually with him, knowing that they are together.
      Should I go back into NC? He’s very used to me doing NC on him now, though. It doesn’t affect him much now.

  32. Trying to Stay in No Contact - 0

    Trying to Stay in No Contact

    Sorry for all the messages, but I think this last tidbit is important to include: we’ve been committed and monogamous, but dating for 9-10 months and he was having some issues with family and things slowed down, he apologized letting me know that when he is dealing with hardships in his life he goes off the grid to think things out (he was quiet on his end first), but anyway, so we do not have that “fb official” I call him boyfriend outright, rather than the guy I am seriously dating, so that’s probably also why I am insecure. I want to move into that level which is why I am also doing this NC, but I do not want other girls coming around and messing this up possibly because I am not around!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      I definitely think NC is the way to go for you.

  33. Trying to Stay in No Contact - 0

    Trying to Stay in No Contact

    Can I possibly shorten my NC to 15 or 21 days? Or that will ruin re-establishing my value with him, rebuilding the attraction, and resetting my image?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      21 days is as low as I would go.

  34. Trying to Stay in No Contact - 0

    Trying to Stay in No Contact

    I am also pissed at myself because I feel like I don’t take enough “classy seductive” headshots or pictures with girlfriends and this girl seems like the master with them and as you said, I know men are visual creatures! Argh. I am just not in a place right now where I would have photos like that and going out. I do go to the gym pretty often and am bettering myself, but still. The distance sucks.

    Reply
  35. Trying to Stay in No Contact - 0

    Trying to Stay in No Contact

    Hey Chris,

    I am currently in day 14 of a 30 Day NC period and the guy I am seeing, we are not broken up, but I have gone into NC to kind of reassert my image (I was texting and centering my life around him too much, and he was starting to take my presence and attention for granted. He knows I am studying for my grad school exam and applying to school, so there is an “excuse” for me to be MIA, but I have never been so quiet), so anyway, I saw he just became friends with this girl on fb, and he has new friends all the time, but this is the first person I have seen who is childless, single, and seems like a flirt from her photos and in his area (we are long distance). I am sooo tempted to “remind” him of me or tell this girl, “Just so you know, he and I are together, so don’t try any #$%@” but I sure neither is a good idea so please give me some advice to remain in NC and not do something crazy! I am so pissed because of where my mind is going! He and I are both attractive and hit on all the time but I don’t want him even entertaining this girl. I know he adds like anybody on fb but I am feeling paranoid (he has almost 3000 friends).

    Reply
  36. zola009 - 0

    zola009

    Amazing post Chris!
    Loved the jaws reference!!! As usual you nailed it 🙂
    I did leave a voice note but I have no idea how the replies work :p
    Would you be emailing me back? How exactly do i get in contact with you?
    Really need your opinion and help!
    Ps: loved class today 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Thanks for the kind words.

      Yes if you get picked for the podcast I do email you.

      What’s your name on the podcast voicemessage and I can have a listen right now.

  37. Kaylee - 0

    Kaylee

    Hey Chris. So first off your websites & podcasts are amazing! Anyway, my ex broke up with me about 5weeks ago. His reason was he just had a gut feeling that things would never be long term. He said he’s often very guarded & scared to get hurt as well. I was completely blind sided by it as well. Things were going amazing. We got along great, I even met his friends. So I’ve been doing the no contact & I finally reached out to him earlier this week. I at 1st sent a text but I have an iPhone & saw it wasn’t delivered, even after 10 minutes so I assumed he blocked me. So I sent a facebook message, which we’re still friends on there by the way. It said that he read it within a few minutes & when I went back to my text, it now says it was delivered. So why would he have read my FB message then go & unblock me but STILL not respond. He’s really into martial arts, jui jitsu, to be exact, & I actually started doing muy Thai. Part of my self improvement & great workout 😉 so I tried to connect to him with that & said it just reminded me of him. I was very positive; happy. So what should I do? Should I try to reach out again? He still hasn’t unfriended or Blocked me. I really felt like this was going somewhere with him. I hate that he never gave it a chance. Please help with any advice. Thank you so much for anything!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Thanks for reading and listening to the podcast!

      Go ahead and reach out again and go relisten to my tide theory lessons.

    • Kaylee - 0

      Kaylee

      Hey Chris, I’m not sure what the tide theory is. Where would I find it? And thank you for answering !

      On a side note, I’ve reached out 2 times via text with positive things & remembering good times. He’s still not responding :-/

    • Chris Seiter - 0
    • Kaylee - 0

      Kaylee

      Hey there Chris. Thank you for the link. However, I’m not sure if that’s very helpful/applies to me since he hasn’t even responded to me at all. I’ve sent 3 messages total. Did a something reminded me of him, a remembering something he loves, & asking him about the name of a movie we watched. Nothing…. Sooooo, sorry I guess im one of the lucky ones that gets to be put in your small pile of exboyfriend recovery not working. I tried my hardest to get him back but nothing. It’s been over 7 weeks since he broke up with me. Did no contact, bettered myself, posted fun things on FB, & reached out with positve texts. :-/ ugh. But I just wanted to say anyway thanks for the help. I don’t want to keep bothering him if he is clearly not interested anymore.

  38. Urgent - 0

    Urgent

    Hello, my ex and I have been apart for nearly 6 weeks now. We were together for 2 1/2+ years, of which we lived together for a year and the last 8 months were long distance. In short, he broke up with me because he wasn’t ready (he’s 25 and I’m 26) for me to move across the country for our relationship–it felt very much like a proposal. Long distance had also been hard for us, and I became somewhat jealous of his best girl friend and controlling. The break up itself was very sad and he kept saying how much he loved me and wanted this to work and even said “I shouldn’t say this but a big part of me thinks I am going to regret this and want you back but it’s not fair of me to say that.” Anyway, since the break up, we exchanged he checked in on me a few times the weekend right after (to make sure I got where I was supposed to be going) and he contacted me on day 6 to ask if he could call the following week. After 3 days, I said no, that we should hold off after asking if there was something specific he wanted to talk about (no, ‘just wanted to chat every once in a while’) and then went on no contact. We almost got to 30 days when he contacted me at the 5 week mark to ask if I wanted to talk before he went abroad for the summer and after 10 hours, I said no, that it wasn’t a good time because I was also traveling this week but wished him a safe trip and said we’d catch up soon. Since yesterday was his birthday, I decided it was as good a time as any to break NC so I said “Happy birthday, hope it was a good one” and made a comment with a funny memory of ours from when we were in that country together 2 years ago. He saw it right away, I could tell from his being on Facebook messenger, but didn’t respond for 8 hours at which point he just said “Thanks! I plan on it!” What do you make of all of this? I was somewhat disappointed with his response but also felt that it was a good sign he didn’t just respond right away with “haha thanks” because that would have indicated he’s moved on and considers me just a friend. Is there a chance for us to work it out and what should I do next? I should also mention that his parents and I are on very good terms (his mom cried about us breaking up and we have had a number of conversations since) and that ironically, I’m moving out to near him for graduate school anyway so long distance will no longer be an issue come September. Thoughts? Thank you!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Do you think long distance was a huge reason for your breakup initially?

    • URGENT - 0

      URGENT

      Hi Chris, Not sure if my original reply went through so I’m trying again. In short, yes and no. I think the bigger issue was him not feeling ready but the long distance contributed in that long distance caused a lot of issues (which I would think planted some doubts in his mind) and the pressure of my move out there to end long distance felt very much like a proposal to him, which he didn’t feel ready for. Update since my last message: I’ve been trying to follow your long distance rules pretty closely and the closest I could do to a meme (that still felt natural) was sending him a picture from my trip that is the setting for one of his favorite TV series and said “Recognize this from a certain series?” He replied 10 minutes later “Hmm not really haha. Maybe –name of series–? It’s beautiful though” and after like half an hour I said “You got it? –Exact scene it appeared in–, a friend tells me? Leaving wifi now but talk later” and he said “Ah cool. Sounds good! Hope the travels are going well.” Would you consider this a positive or neutral response? And where do I go from here–should I wait for him to initiate a text with me or jump into the nostalgic text? Do nostalgic texts like you recommend ever come off as needy to guys? I’m a little hesitant on that one since expressing interest in him sees like the wrong move, when he broke up with me. Thoughts on where you think he stands and if I might have a shot here?

    • Urgent - 0

      Urgent

      Hi again, one update to my tale: I texted him today (10+ days since my last text) to let him know I decided to go to grad school near where he lives (it was important to me that he hear it from me – as that’s the tone of courtesy and respect I’d like to set for our break up, should it stand, going forward). I said “Hey, hope your trip is going well! I wanted to let you know that I decided to go to __school__ and was offered a full scholarship. Just thought you should hear it from me! Hope all is well” He saw it right away but waited an hour to respond and then said “Congrats on the scholarship! Sounds like it was the right decision for you with the money and ___a few other factors___. And I’m doing well here, thanks. Good luck with the move and transition” What do you think? Seems pretty cold to me, so I’m wondering if he’s over it and confident that he doesn’t want to get back together. I know you didn’t have a chance to respond to my previous reply, but if you could please respond to both, I would really, really appreciate it. Going back into NC for now, as I feel like I’m losing him…

  39. Molly - 0

    Molly

    What if you’re trying to trying to seduce your ex who also happens to be the father of your newborn baby? My ex comes over to see our baby boy a few times a week. Although he has made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want to be with me, and wants completely separate lives. .. he will text me randomly and tell me that he misses his baby. He’s even gotten borderline flirty with me thru his texts about our baby. ..it confuses me. I would like to get back together, and part of me thinks he would too…but maybe his ego is in the way? .. He had the major “my life is over” freak out when I was pregnant and pushed me away. Any tips on how to seduce my baby daddy? -Molly

    Reply
  40. Tina Tinkerbell - 0

    Tina Tinkerbell

    Hi Chris,

    Love the corny opening. It always feels like class to me and I’ve been studying your notes very closely now for months. The Jaws analogy is brilliant, because it is going to be easy to remember this in real life.

    Chris, after 6 months of no contact I followed the advice you gave me back in April. To wait a bit longer and then to send a text.

    First let me say our break up was very ugly. Very very ugly (caught him cheating). He got extremely vengeful which caused me tremendous distress. I am still hurting.

    Anyway, I finally texted him and he replied. This was followed a day later by an e-mail from him asking me to join him for coffee. I coolly agreed and last week I saw him for the first time this year. He wanted more time with me, but I kept it short. He wants to meet up again, possibly this weekend. I continue to play it friendly, but real cool.

    I don’t know yet if I want him back, but am nevertheless following all your advice on here until I know for sure.

    Chris, I have lost a lot of weight, toned up and back to wearing size small again. I am looking better than I have in a very long time. Yet I don’t feel sexy anymore due to how worthless the breakup made me feel. How do I get my sexy back? How will I ever be able to bring myself to flirt while feeling like this?

    Please, how about an article about feeling sexy again after all the hurt and doubts following a bad breakup? Maybe you can speak to your pretty wife and other women and tell us what they do that makes them feel sexy? What gives them that feeling and confidence? I’ve lost mine completely. 🙁

    (Just got another e-mail from him asking me out as I was typing this)

    Reply
    • Tina Tinkerbell - 0

      Tina Tinkerbell

      Chris, how utterly bloody rude of me to forget to say THANK YOU for getting me this far. Your guidance on here is the only thing that has gotten me through the breakup. I’ve read and reread all your articles. I took no contact all the way to 6 months, because I believe 100% in what you are saying.

      I want to say to all the other women reading this: please READ what Chris is saying in his articles. Study it! His work is well researched and thought out. He knows what he is talking about. Try to control those emotions, as overwhelming as they can be, and think logically. I am one of his “mature” students and even I have learned so much from him. Trust what he is sharing with us on this site and you will have a much better shot at getting your ex back.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      If I’m Peter Pan that makes you tinkerbell!

      We can be the “ex back” version haha.

      Thanks for the kind words. I really apprecaite it

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Welcome to class Tinkerbell!

      I loved the Jaws thing too. I hope people connected with it like you do.

      To be honest this might sound horrible but maybe go flirt with a few other guys (not your ex) to feel like you are still wanted by men to get some confidence back.

    • Tina Tinkerbell - 0

      Tina Tinkerbell

      Thanks for the reply, Chris.

      Congrats to you and your wife. You’re going to be a great dad.

      I have dated other guys this year. It started raining men after the breakup and I’ve had 5 pursuing me! Who knew?! lol I guess I just need time to get my confidence back and for my mind to catch up with my new slimmer figure.

      I’ve seen him 2 more times since I first posted to this article. He most recently bought me a gift, has bought tickets for a show that will only hit town in 3 weeks and has plans for us with his folks. The best part is the way he has been checking me out when he thinks I’m not looking. I have kept our communications short and sweet. I want to be chased, courted and finally get a real commitment.

      I’m going to read several of your articles again as I know there is still a long way to go and I want to get it right. I’m staying level headed.

      Thanks for your devotion to this site, Chris. I value and trust your advice 100%. There quite simply is no other site like it. Well, actually there is that male one, but that’s yours too, Peter Pan. 😉

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Thanks Tina,

      It’s rainin men!! Hallelujah! It’s rainin men…

      You got some game Tinkerbell I’ll give you that.

      Thanks for all the kind words and keep me updated.

    • Tina Tinkerbell - 0

      Tina Tinkerbell

      LOL I’m a work in progress!

  41. M. - 0

    M.

    Hi! I went on a date with a guy and he was very clear and honest with me, from what he said I got that he doesn’t really want a relantionship but just have a good time. He speaks to me on fb sometimes but just in a friendly tone..I’m wondering is there a way of ”changing” his mind and make him actually want a relantionship with me??he’s 4 years older than me..about 28.. It’s a good age to settle down but he told me that at some point he lived together with a girl but they broke up..from what I undertood that must have been at least a year ago. the one and only time we went on a date yes he tried to go further when we were at his Car but I stopped him when he got further than kissing cause I needed to expain some things like that I’m not ‘experienced’..That’s then when he told me that he just wants to have a good time and that he doesn’t want to put pressure on me,that he doesn’t see it like anybody is taking advantage of the other..I really liked him cause it’s the First time I kiss someone that’s as good as my ex ..so we continued without having sex..But now it’s been weeks since we talked..and I saw he commented on a girls photo that he added after me and we’re mutual friends,showing they have some kind of contact..What I do so wrong? Can yopu help me plese..no one can give me an answer.. What can i do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      So, he was honest with you up front about not wanting a relationship?

    • M. - 0

      M.

      Yes he didn’t say it but that’s what he meant..I talked to him the other day and now nothing again..I really don’t know how to deal with it?How you can seduce such a guy??What can I do?

  42. Barbara - 0

    Barbara

    Hi Chris. I hope you had a nice break and it is good to see you are back.

    I have one question.

    I completed NC, sent the first text message (like an example in your book) and got neutral response (“That’s nice”). Since I am following your book, I went back to NC for some time and then sent less threatening message. This time I got a little bit better than neutral response. I think I should go back to NC again as I still have not gotten any positive response.

    However I have a situation where I need to go to a bank with him to cash a cheque in joint name. I want to cash this cheque quite badly. Am I allowed to do this or should I avoid it ? I am aware that in person meeting should be done only after enough emotional rapport is established.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      You can break NC for things like this I believe.

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