By Chris Seiter

Updated on May 18th, 2021

Welcome to class!

Ok, ok, I know that’s a corny opener but I had to do something to get your attention.

Today I am going to be teaching you about seduction and your ex or more specifically, how to properly seduce your ex.

Oh, and in case you are wondering there is a right way and a wrong way to seduce a man if you want him back.

But before I get into the details around the “right way” I have a question for you.

How powerful do you think sex is to a man?


How can I put this in a way that you will understand.

Well, since I am a man I can tell you that sex is a very powerful motivator for a man.

Sherry Argov said it best,

Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and a woman isn’t.

Notice how I bolded a part of that quote.

It turns out that the part I put in bold is going to lay the groundwork for what I am teaching you in “class” today.

But more on that later.

First I would like to talk a little bit about the power that sex holds over men.

Lets imagine that a man walks into a bar and immediately his eye is caught by a pretty blonde sitting across the way.

In a short span of time he becomes obsessed with her beauty.

Hmm… perhaps I should put a few faces to this picture that I am painting.

Ok, here is the guy,

As you can see this man isn’t exactly the most attractive in the world and he also has a bit of a weird personality (evidenced by the strange selfie he is taking.) All of these factors mean that he hasn’t gotten too many women to have sex with him.

And then you have the girl,

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This girl is clearly very pretty.

She can probably have any guy she wants.

Oh, and the most important part of this little example is the weird selfie guy above is absolutely obsessed with her.

Anyways, lets go back to the bar.

Our selfie boy who we are going to call “Greg” decides that the sexual fantasies he is having about this blonde woman are so overpowering that he has to go over and talk to her.

So, Greg and the girl talk.

Now, this isn’t the first Girls rodeo when it comes to being hit on so she does what comes natural to her, she rejects him.

The rejection only makes Greg fall for her even more.

Pretty soon Greg is convinced that he is in love with her and is willing to do anything to get her.

Now, we can debate the merits of if what he is feeling is true love any day of the week but the important part I am getting at here is that he is feeling something and that something is very powerful.

What if I told you that there was a way in which you can leverage this feeling to your advantage when it comes to getting your ex back.

Would you be interested in that?

Well, that is what this entire “lesson” is going to be about.

(Man, I am going crazy with the classroom references today.)

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Seduction Is One Small Piece To A Very Large Puzzle

puzzle pieces

If you are a fan of Ex Boyfriend Recovery then you are probably well aware of my theory on getting an ex back.

I like to think of it as a puzzle.

Any time I write an article like this I am unveiling another small piece of the puzzle.

Of course, things become even more complicated when you take into account that no two situations are like.

For example, a general/common breakup is going to have a certain strategy for success or “puzzle” if you will while a breakup occurring over cheating is going to have a whole new set of rules or an entirely different puzzle.

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I guess the point I am trying to make is that you can’t rely solely on this article to help you get your ex back.


Because this article is talking about one specific strategy for ex recovery.

It doesn’t tie everything together the way it needs to be tied together and while seduction can be a powerful strategy to use on your ex to make him fall for you again it isn’t going to do the job alone.

Look, your main goal here isn’t just to seduce your ex.

It’s to get your ex back.

That is the assumption I am operating under and writing for.

In order to properly get your boyfriend back you are going to be required to use a lot more than just seduction.

So, what does this mean?

It means you need a clear game plan that uses multiple strategies including seduction.

If you are serious about getting your ex back then I recommend you check out my PRO system,

There you will learn exactly how to put the puzzle together 😉 .

Anyways, lets move on and just focus on seduction for now.

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The Two Types Of Seduction

seduction meme

I bet you didn’t know this but there are actually two types of seduction.

  1. The type of seduction where you just want your ex boyfriend sexually
  2. The type of seduction that can be used in a positive way to get your ex boyfriend back

Which one do you think I am more interested in talking about?

If you guessed the type of seduction that you can use to get your ex boyfriend back then you would be right.

Nevertheless, I think it’s important to understand each type of seduction so you not only understand what to do but what NOT to do. So, for the next thousand words or so I am going to give you a crash course in the good type of seduction and the bad type of seduction.

Let’s start with the bad type of seduction first.

BAD: Seducing Your Ex Boyfriend For Just Sex

sup guys

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(If you don’t understand the meme then allow me to give you a quick lesson on insects. A female praying mantis bites off a male praying mantis’ head after intercourse.)

I am a man so I can tell you in all honesty that my gender as a whole is very motivated by sex.

Look at former U.S. president Bill Clinton.


Actually, I want to test something out.

When I mentioned Bill Clinton (the former U.S. president) what’s the first thing that popped into your head?

The sex scandal, right?

So, here we have a man who has arguably obtained the most power in the world (being in charge of one of the most powerful countries in the world) and he is willing to jeopardize all of that power for sex.

It goes without saying that sex is a very powerful motivator in men.

Need more stories to back this fact up?

Ok, look no further than Homers epic poem “The Illiad.

In that poem they talk about Helen, a woman so beautiful that she has been dubbed as,

“The face that launched a thousand ships.”

The story goes that Paris (a prince of Troy) steals Menelaus’ wife, Helen, and takes her to Troy so she can be his.

There’s just one problem…

Menelaus’ brother, Agamemnon, is a super king and uses this opportunity to start a war with the Trojans.

Basically the point I am getting at here is that Paris would have never taken Helen if he wasn’t motivated by sex.

So, by now I bet your a curious as to why I am making such a big deal about the fact that men are very motivated by sex.

Like everything I preach on Ex Boyfriend Recovery there is a method to my madness.

Lets say that you want to seduce your ex boyfriend because you want to sleep with him.

Somewhere in the deep recesses of your mind you figure that since sex is such a big deal to you that he will look at it the same way and grow so attached to you (if you sleep together) that he will come back and you will live happily ever after.

Sorry to rain on your parade but the mind of a man doesn’t work that way.

Let’s let this unfold a bit and assume that you go in trying to get your ex boyfriend to sleep with you.

What do you think will happen?

Well, we know what you think is going to happen.

You think that at some point during your passionate love making session that he is going to have some sort of epiphany.

Something that makes him go,

“Wow, I have to commit to this girl for the rest of my life.”

Well, he isn’t going to have that epiphany but he will have an epiphany.

At some point where he is making sweet sweet love to you he is going to think to himself,

“Wow, I rather like this sex. I want to do it again with her.”

Now, the general reader may read that and think to herself,

“That’s a good think, right?”

Umm… not really.

Think about it for a second.

The fact that your ex wants to have sex with you again means that he is essentially viewing you as a piece of meat that he wants to call upon at any time he wants when his “hunger” needs to be satisfied.

Do you catch my drift?

In other words, he is going to attempt to set up a friends with benefits situation with you.

Ok, now that we have that out of the way lets turn our attention to how I want you to use seduction on your ex boyfriend.

GOOD: Using Seduction In A Positive Way To Get Your Ex Back

seduction flow through you

In the section above I went on this super long rant about how sex for a man is a very powerful motivator.

I gave examples of a President of the United States and famous poems where sex was a primary motivator.

So, understanding this why not use a mans motivation of sex to your advantage?

We already know that when you dangle sex in front of a man you can get him to do pretty much anything you want so I definitely think there is a place for this in a “get your ex back campaign.”

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that there are two versions of you.

Each version of you wants to get your ex back.

Version One

Version one of you comes up with the genius idea of seducing your ex boyfriend into bed in an attempt to win his love back.

You think that if you can get him to sleep with you that his feelings for you will come back.

Well, you end up succeeding….

Just not at getting him to commit.

Nope, what you have succeeded in is getting your ex boyfriend to crave sex from you…

That’s it.

That’s all he wants from you.

In other words, you are his new booty call.

Lets turn our attention to version number two of you now.

Version Two

Version two is a bit smarter than version one.

You understand that if your ex boyfriend sleeps with you he will likely put you in a friends with benefits situation. However, you also understand that sex is a very powerful motivator so why not use it to your advantage.

You begin a very smart tactic of almost leading your ex boyfriend on by flirting with him and making him want sex but you never actually sleep with him.

Instead, you leave him constantly chasing you.

Of course, the issue here is that he is chasing you for the wrong reasons.

No worries, there will be a certain point where you take your poker face down and inform him that the only way he can get with you is if he commits (but even then you are going to make him work for it.)

Why make him work so hard for it?

Because the more he has invested in trying to get you the more likely you are to matter to him.

How To Properly Seduce Your Ex Boyfriend


Above I talked about what to do and what NOT to do when it comes to seducing your ex boyfriend if you want to get him back.

Well, in this section we are going to turn our attention to more specifics.

What do I mean by that?

Go back and read the small subsection entitled, “GOOD: Using Seduction In A Positive Way To Get Him Back.”

(It’s literally just above.)

Basically what I am attempting to do in this section is give you a detailed account of the right way to seduce your ex boyfriend. However, in order to do that I need to teach you something.

What’s the something?

I like to refer to it as “Jaws Theory.”

What Is Jaws Theory


Duh Duh…

Duh Duh…

Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh….

Doo Dooo Dooo Doooo Dooo Dooooo…

Ok, I’ll admit that, that was pretty lame but I figured if I started out this section with a bang you would perk up.

Are you familiar with the movie Jaws?

If you aren’t then you might want to invest some time and go watch it because it’s a classic.

In fact, it’s the movie that really put the famous director Steven Spielberg on the map.

The premise of the movie is that there is a gigantic shark terrorizing a small town in New York and three men go out on a boat “shark hunting.”

I won’t give away the ending but I’ll just say that it ends with a bang 😉 .

Here’s a little known fact about Jaws.

Did you know that when it first came out it was considered one of the scariest movies ever?


A movie about a shark was considered frightening to audiences around the world.

But did you ever stop to think about why it was so frightening?

The premise doesn’t seem that terrifying and it’s not.

Well ok, maybe it’s a little terrifying but it’s not like there is some sort of zombie apocalypse where everyone is dead.

The truth is that the way it was shot by Spielberg is what made it so scary.

How Was It Shot?

During production of Jaws new director Steven Spielberg told his crew to create a giant robotic shark so he could show audiences a terrifying gigantic shark.

Well, the crew did a pretty good job by creating this,

jaws shark

Pretty cool, right?

Well, there was a problem with it.

Half the time it was on set it wouldn’t work.

In other words, when Steven Spielberg needed the shark to move around and look scary it wouldn’t move around.

So, he was forced to do something unprecedented.

Instead of doing what every other filmmaker out there was doing by showing a scary shark Mr. Spielberg decided that he was going to “tease” the shark.

If you ever get a chance to watch Jaws again I want you to pay attention to how little you see of the actual shark.

Most of the scary parts are not seeing the shark or just a scary fin going through the water with that famous soundtrack playing.

You know, that famous “Duh Duh” score?

Here’s a video depicting what I am talking about,

Pretty frightening stuff, right?

Well, seducing an ex boyfriend the correct way is a lot like utilizing what Spielberg did with Jaws.

How Seduction And Jaws Tie Together


What were the main components that made Jaws so frightening to an audience?

Well, we have the idea of a giant shark killing people.

We have the fact that we hardly get a good glimpse of the shark.

Oh, and then we have the score that really makes you feel like something is about to get you.

So, there are three.

  1. The Giant People Killing Shark
  2. Not Seeing The Shark
  3. The Score

Lets tie these three things into seduction or more specifically how you are supposed to seduce your ex boyfriend the proper way.

How am I going to do this?

Well, I am going to do it in a unique way and I will go very slow on purpose so you don’t get lost.

Above I listed the three main components of what made Jaws such a scary movie. It turns out that these three components can be compared to aspects of seduction.

Do you see the tie in now?

Ok, lets go down the list and compare each component of jaws to the right way to seduce an ex.

The Giant People Killing Shark

In Jaws the whole movie revolves around this shark that is essentially a serial killer (of humans.)

Without this idea the entire movie won’t work.

Well, when it comes to seduction everything always seems to revolve around sex.

So, our giant people killing shark in this case is going to be sex.

It’s going to be the thing that you are going to dangle in front of your ex boyfriend to get him to act the way you want him to act.

Now, we can debate the merits of what I am about to teach you all day but the fact of the matter is that sometimes a little manipulation with sex on your part is necessary to reach your goal which we have already identified as getting your ex boyfriend back.

Giant People Killing Shark = Sex (In Seduction)

Not Seeing The Shark

Above I mentioned that as a result of the mechanical shark not working Steven Spielberg had to get creative with how he would scare audiences.

His idea was brilliant.

He figured that most of the scare lies in the fact that you know the shark is there but you can’t see it.

Go above and watch that video again.

Do you notice how you know a shark is about to bite this girl but you never see the shark?

That’s really what makes Jaws such a frightening movie.

So, how does “not seeing the shark” tie into seduction?

Well, in order to properly explain that I need to do some role playing.

Lets pretend that I am your ex boyfriend and you have decided to use seduction as a method to make me want you back.

(Side Note: Remember, we are looking at seduction as it relates to getting an ex back. In other words, we are looking at the good kind of seduction that you can use.)

I am a pretty stubborn guy so initially after our breakup I flat out tell you that the two of us have no chance of reconnecting at all.

So, you decide to take a course of action that will make me eat my words.

You start flirting with me..

I start flirting with you…

Things begin to get a bit… sexual.

I express my desires and while you don’t express yours you give me just enough flirtation to make me think that you are into me.

Of course, when I start pushing for my “needs” to get taken care of you don’t comply.

This puts me on an endless hamster wheel where I am constantly chasing you trying to be “with you” and just when I think I am about to have you the wheel turns over and I have to start all over again.

Now, the average woman is going to see this tactic as pointless because, and I quote,

“Men should want women for more than just sex.”

But the average woman isn’t taking something into account.

The more the hamster wheel turns over the more invested in winning you back I become.

Pretty soon sex isn’t my only motivation for wanting you back.

I want more than just sex…

I want you.

Do you see how that worked?


This may take some extra explaining on my part so I am going to do my best.

I started this section off by talking about not seeing the shark in Jaws and how it was brilliant way to make audiences more scared of something that they couldn’t see.

Well, in seduction flirting with your ex and almost letting him think that he can have you sexually while not actually giving him “the shark” or sex will put him on an endless hamster wheel where his only way off the wheel is to commit to you.

The key here is the fact that you have to be strong mentally and you can’t give him sex.

Do you understand?

You can NOT have sex with your ex boyfriend until after he commits.

Not Seeing The Shark = Teasing Sex And Not Giving It To Him

The Score

What do you get when you couple a people killing shark that you hardly see with a scary/tense score?

The Answer = A Classic/Scary Movie

What is the movie Jaws known for besides the big shark?

The score, right?

You know the one.

Duh Duh..

Duh Duh..

Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh…

Ok, that was horrible.

Here is a quick video depicting the frightening score,

In Jaws the score is something to magnify the sharks scariness.

It also serves as a way of making you more tense when you don’t see the shark.

For example, whenever the score plays in the movie you know the shark is about to do something bad.

But what is the score when it comes to seduction?

Good question.

In order to understand that we have to take a look back at the last section.

What did I say the last section represented?

Teasing sex to you ex but not actually giving it to him, right?

Well, in seduction the “score” is equivalent to the tactics that you will use to tease your ex.

Flirting is a perfect example.

If you flirt with your ex and indirectly make him think he has a chance with you then the actual act of flirting is what is being done to your ex that make him feel seduced by you.

Score = The Tactics That You Will Use To Seduce Your Ex

Lets talk a little bit about those tactics now.

The Tactics You Can Use To Seduce Your Ex Boyfriend

seductive cat

If you can’t already tell I prescribe to the “less is more” theory.

I mean, look at everything I taught you above about my “jaws theory.” Everything about that theory is predicated on the fact that less is more.

But understanding the theory isn’t going to do anything for you is it?

No, you need the specifics of putting the theory into action.

So, what I have decided to do for you is give you a crash course in the tactics you can employ to seduce your ex boyfriend.

Let’s begin.

The Three Levels Of Seduction

When it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back there are three levels of seduction that I am going to teach you about.

What are these three levels?

Take a look at the graphic below,


You will notice in the graphic that the three levels are,

  1. Light Flirting
  2. Hard Flirting
  3. In-Person Tactics

Lets take a deeper look at each one of these levels.

We are going to start first with “light flirting.”

LEVEL 1: Light Flirting


Contrary to popular belief you don’t have to always talk about sex when you flirt with a man.

Yes, there is going to be a time and a place to allude to sex in some flirtatious manner down the road (see level 2) but when it comes to light flirting sex isn’t in the equation at all.

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that you are single and I am single (which I am not I am married so don’t tell my wife I am saying this.)

Anyways, we are going to pretend that the both of us are single and we both “kind of” like each other.

I would most likely show that I like you by doing the following things,

  • Telling ridiculous jokes
  • Alluding to a future where we would be dating each other
  • Sending videos over text messages

In other words, this is my way of flirting with you.

Oh, and these methods have been rather effective for me so what I am going to do now is give you an example of each of these things.

To make things as easy as possible on me I am just going to give examples of these things through text messages.

Sound good?

Let’s hop to it.

Telling Ridiculous Jokes

The key to this method of flirting is that you have to be serious at first and then somewhere down the line you suggest something that makes the other person go,

“Is he/she serious?”

A common way to do this is to ask for an opinion on something and then progressively get more and more ridiculous as the conversation carries on.

Now, I realize that this is a hard thing to picture but bear with me here because I am going to give you an example of how this is supposed to work.

Ok, now before I start creating a text message graphic I want you to bear in mind that we are role playing under the assumption that the two of us are both single and “kind of” like each other.

Oh, also remember that I am a man.

Got it?


Lets pretend that one day you are sitting at home enjoying yourself and I send you this series of text messages,

Screen Shot 2015-06-18 at 1.28.00 PM

Now, these messages clearly aren’t meant to be taken seriously.

They are meant to make you laugh.

What I am trying to do by sending them to you is show you that I have a goofy sense of humor and also show you that I am not like one of those uptight guys out there.

Not to mention, everyone loves to laugh every now and then.

Lets move on to another fun little tactic.

Alluding To A Future Where We Are Dating Each Other

Another thing I would probably do is allude to a future where we are dating each other.

There are a number of ways I can do this but I think I am going to stick to this classic,

Screen Shot 2015-06-29 at 10.28.10 AM

Let me give you a bit of background on this one.

Lets pretend that you and I are texting back and forth for a little bit.

During this texting session we have built up some pretty great rapport.

Then all of a sudden out of the blue I ask you if you have ever been to Hawaii.

You know that place right?

Tropical paradise?

Ultimate vacation for couples?

Well, I have actually been to Hawaii in real life and I can tell you that it is one of the most amazing places on earth.

Anyways, if you study the text above you would notice that I am alluding to future where we are dating and I take you to the beautiful destination.

Why is it important to allude to the future?

Because it makes YOU paint a mental picture in your head of that future.

Imagine if you did something similar to your ex.

If you get him in the habit of painting a future with the two of you together.

Lets move on to the final way of flirting, sending videos.

Sending Videos Over Text Messages

This is something I personally used to get my wife.

When we exchanged numbers for the first time I did something unique.

Something that she probably hadn’t ever seen before.

Rather than sending her a generic text like,



“What’s up”

I decided to go against the grain and try to stand out.

I sent her a video.

Remember, at this point in our relationship we didn’t know each other very well.

My video to her was simply an introduction video where I introduced myself again (even though we had been “talking.”)

This proved to be a really smart move since I really stuck out from the pack of all the hungry wolves trying to get her and she told me down the line that she really enjoyed the videos.

I look at flirting like I look at a job interview.

It’s all about taking a unique approach that the person has never seen before.

For example, if you are going to try to get a job then it’s all about bringing something unique to the table that can secure you the job.

Lets pretend that you are going out for an interview for a sales job.

What are you selling?

How about a cell phone plan.

Now, if you were going out for a sales job to sell a cell phone plan then you can do what all the other candidates do at the interview and maybe have a chance.


Before the interview you can go out and actually make a few sales or line up a few leads that you can leverage during the interview.

Something tells me an interviewer is going to be more responsive to an interviewee that has already made sales of their product versus the other average joes that are just sitting there answering questions.

Look at the videos you send through text messages like your pre-made sales.

It’s going to be something unique that your ex isn’t used to.

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LEVEL 2: Hard Flirting

steel melt

Before I dive in to hard flirting I want to explain this process a little better.

If you refer to the graphic above where I talk about the three levels of seduction you will notice that there are indeed three levels.

I want you to view each of these levels like rungs on a ladder.

So, the three levels are,

  1. Light Flirting
  2. Hard Flirting
  3. In-Person Tactics

I decided to create an infographic so I can properly explain my ladder theory.

three rungs

Notice how the bottom of the ladder is (light flirting) while the top of the ladder is (In Person Tactics.)

The idea here is to climb the ladder to get to the top.

But the only way you can actually climb the ladder is to complete each task.

Look below for an idea of how this works,

three rungs

So, right now we are talking about (hard flirting) which puts us smack dab on the middle rung of the ladder.

The point I am trying to make here is that you can’t advance to (hard flirting) until you compete (light flirting.)

As I explain how to flirt “hard” I am going to be operating under the assumption that you have already completed the light flirting teachings I talked about in level 1 above.

The Idea Behind “Hard Flirting”

This is really where you take advantage of the “less is more” idea that I talked about with the Jaws Theory above.

How do we do that?

Well, there is a way to do it through text messaging and through the phone.

I am going to teach you both.

Lets start with the text message first.

Imagine that you send your ex the following message,

Screen Shot 2015-06-29 at 11.58.28 AM

Lets break this down for a moment specifically the “old childhood bedroom” part.

The whole bit about the bedroom clearly relates to sex.

In other words, in this fake example you and your ex boyfriend had sex in his old childhood bedroom.

But why would you bring it up to him in a text message?

It seems counter intuitive to everything I have taught you in the Jaws theory doesn’t it?

Well… not exactly.

When a woman talks about sex with a man the man is naturally going to get excited.

Lets go back to that quote that I quoted at the beginning of this article.

Before sex a man isn’t thinking clearly…

We are going to leverage this fact.

We already know that men love talking and imagining sex.

So why not talk to him about it a little bit in the form of alluding to a time when the two of you had sex?

Here’s the part that gets tricky though.

Once you have engaged him in the sex talk I want you to completely leave the conversation.

This is going to accomplish a few things.

Firstly its going to make him think he’s gods gift to the world.

“She’s still thinking about me in “that way”” he will probably think to himself.

But right when his ego becomes super inflated you are going to take that ego boost away by just exiting the conversation.

He is going to sit there fishing for more when there is no more to be had.

The result is him constantly trying to figure out why you brought up sex that one time which leads him to chasing you.

Now I want to talk to you about hard flirting and phone calls.

“Hard Flirting” On The Phone

This is a little trickier because you can’t exactly duck out of the conversation immediately if you are talking about sex over the phone.

So, the trick here is to be really subtle about sex if you do decide to approach hard flirting over the phone. Once the big S word is brought up then I want you to wait a good 5 minutes and then suddenly have to go.

In other words, I want you to lightly get his engines all revved up and then leave him with nothing.

As a man I feel I can shed some light on this topic.

Lets say that a man and a woman are talking about sex on the phone.

The sex talk starts turning more sexual and pretty soon the man is pretty turned on.

“I want her so bad” he is thinking to himself.

But then right before he has hit the point of no return the girl tells him this,

“Oh my god… I have to go. I’ll tell you later. Bye..”

This leaves the man all hot and bothered with no… “outlet” to release.

Now, here is the secret that men don’t want women to know.

Men often call a woman who does this a “tease.”

The truth is that men love a tease.

You don’t see too many men chasing a woman who is easy now do you?

But a tease…

A man will chase until the end of time.

If you are going to use a phone call for “hard flirting” then I definitely recommend using this tease method.

LEVEL 3: In-Person Tactics

I walked in

Finally we have reached the top of the ladder.

In-person tactics…

Seducing an ex boyfriend in person is a bit tricky because a lot of women who do reach this point get caught up in the moment and take the seduction all the way.

Now, if you refer to the Jaws Theory section above you would know that the method of seduction that we are teaching here is that you are allowed to do anything except any form of sex.

Let me repeat that for some of my more adventurous readers.

Under no circumstances can you engage in any form of sex with your ex boyfriend.

The idea here is to kick start his emotions for you so he is constantly chasing you. In other words, we are going to be playing cat and mouse with him and sex is probably the one thing that you have to leverage over him.

The second he has you he has no reason to chase you anymore.

I know that may be a harsh thing for you to hear but it’s the truth.

Anyways, lets talk a little about the methods of seduction I want you to employ to really “rev him up.”

Seduction Dress Code

I want you to dress sexy any time you see him in person.


Because men are very visual creatures and we are going to use this to our advantage.

Now, I want you to note that there is a difference between dressing sexy and dressing too sexy.

You want to know this line very well because if you dress too sexy then he is going to perceive you that way and we actually do want him to be able to listen to you while on the date instead of just staring at your bosoms.


Perhaps it’s best if I give you an example.

Ok, here is an example of someone dressing TOO SEXY,

too sexy

This is a big no-no.

Instead, you should shoot for something like this,


Notice how this outfit is much more sophisticated looking.

This is what you should be shooting for on the date.

(FYI I personally find it sexy so that’s a plus.)

Acting Flirty

I’ll admit that I went to my wife for this one.

I got a little stuck on the in-person tactics.

It’s ok though as always she was there to help me out of a jam.

When I asked her,

“How do you seduce a man without actually having sex with him?”

Her genius advice was…


Be Flirty


“How the heck do you do that?” I asked her.

She had the answer within a millisecond.

As it turns out there are a few things that women can do to be flirty to their ex boyfriends.

The first thing is rather simple.

You are going to make eye contact.

It seems simple right.

But there is something fascinating about eye contact.

It’s almost like eye contact has a direct correlation to passion.

The more eye contact you make the more passionate the encounter.

So, we definitely want to use eye contact to our advantage with your boyfriend.

Another thing that you are going to want to do is to play with your hands.

Little touches here and there can be very effective.


Perhaps I should demonstrate this.

Ok, imagine that you and I are on a date.

You are doing a good job with your eye contact and you decide you want to step up your game by using your hands. Well, what you would do to accomplish this would be to lightly touch me when you could. For example, if we were eating dinner at a restaurant you would an excuse to “accidentally” touch my hands or shoulder or face.

Get it?


Cutting The Contact Off Early

Another effective tactic you can use to really “rev your ex up” is to cut the date off early.

Why is this effective you ask?

Easy, once you have your ex on the hook wanting sex and you cut the date off early what do you think is going to happen?

He is going to chase you, right?

(Hint Hint: you want him to chase you.)

From there consider him fully seduced!

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128 thoughts on “Seduction 101: How To Seduce Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Terri-Ann Arendse

    March 24, 2022 at 7:31 pm

    Hi there

    My ex and I are broken up for 3 years, I left him because I thought it was the right thing to do..I now want him back but he is completely closed off to me , how do I get him to open his heart to me again…I’m living with so much regrets ( he is my daughter’s dad as well , and we were engaged) .

  2. Indie 101

    November 21, 2021 at 1:16 pm

    So I have started sexy flirting via text. He responded straight away and the convo is going well, responding quickly and asking for more information or for me to elaborate, however he has twice in the convo eluded to me finding “someone” or my potential “candidates” basically is that him suggesting I do this with someone else?

    Am I being to sensitive, should I just stop?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 29, 2021 at 8:35 pm

      It sounds as if your ex is fishing to find out if there is possibly someone else in your life or the chance of someone else being there. I would keep going but be sure that you also read about tide theory.

  3. Sammy

    May 25, 2021 at 5:58 am

    hi – my LDR ex of almost one year has broken up with me due to distance and also because I told him I loved him and he couldn’t reciprocate. The breakup was calm but hurtful, we both cried a lot and promised we wont do usual blocking of exes on social media. After 4 weeks of NC I just commented on his pic (privately) that this hiking spot where he went was my idea and he responded quickly that he thought about me while going there and that was indeed a good idea. I threw few other questions and we ended that convo (he didnt continue). Should I follow up anytime soon? Im actually going to his city (with friends, planned before our breakup) and not sure if I should suggest a meeting or just post some pics on social media and see if he reacts? Would love to know how you’d deal with this. Thanks!!

  4. natasha

    November 6, 2020 at 3:55 pm

    My ex says he is confused about me. We have been on and off for years, I am in a diff country and he is in a diff country but whenever I visit we get back together and its pretty hot.
    We stay together till we are in the same place but then when we part we get a little cold. I have hots for him and want him but he tends to get cold, occasionally he will hit me up at his nights and becomes flirty. He likes me but isnt ready to commit. This is been happening for over 10 years.

  5. Sally

    March 15, 2020 at 8:53 am

    Hi, my boyfriend told me he’s not ready for a relationship with me yet (he’s with someone else) but still wants sex with me. He even came straight out and asked me for sex when I tried your flirt technique. He’ll play mind games by saying have you gone off me. How do I say ‘No’ in the nicest way, without him thinking that I’m going off him. He’s insecure and gets offended easily, so I feel I’ll push him away further by not giving in. We’ve always had a hot connection and get along well but I don’t want to give him sex until he’s in a relationship with me, so please advice. Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 8:50 pm

      Sally, walk away now. He is cheating on his current partner asking you for sex. This is not a person you want a relationship with and definitely do not give him sex! Walk away knowing you are a better person and deserve better!

  6. Kylie

    October 28, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex-colleague and I started at the same company at the same time, there was a spark then because we felt comfortable talking about the most mundane topic. I later left the company and didn’t contact him for a year. Only this February I contacted him, to cut the long story short, after 2 months of talking, he left his gf and we sort of got into a complicated/FWB relationship.

    I then cut him off for a month, telling him I want more. He came back really eager to make everything right. I blew him off again for 5 days because I was pissed about something and needed time to cool off. Ever since then, he still cares but he has been pulling away gradually – it has been distant and cold for 2-3 weeks now. We used to text every day and he will story me his daily thoughts and updates, ever since the 5 days cut-off, despite my long explanation/apologies over the weekend, he has been very cold. He doesn’t even reply to my jokey/flirty text anymore.

    Will he come back to me? I really miss us, he is my best friend and we share so many common interests and humor. He gets me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 5:27 pm

      Hi Kylie, so the hot and cold behavior has probably caused the distance between you – I would suggest after youve done some time not speaking as much to re start building your connection and treat him how you were in the beginning when you were getting to know each other so you pull him closer again with the friend/flirt attitude

  7. LLMM

    April 16, 2018 at 5:22 pm

    Hi! This is not exactly a ex, but I think I was the one who missunderstood.
    This guy, (we’ll call him F) is a friends that I’ve known since college. After college we ended up living in the same city and we ended up making a group of friends. I always found him really attractive, but never went vocal; truth to be told, he isn’t very vocal much about himself, let alone what he is thinking (or feeling)
    Long story short, after almos 6 years of being friends, 6-7 months ago he started chatting me up, after he had dumped the girl he went out with for 2 years, but never called her “his girlfriend”. We chatted every now and then and he was always very flirty. I was really hesitant, because I had gotten our of a very painfull engagement, and I could see he might have been looking for a rebound. He kept texting me and flirting with me, and sometimes a lot of innuendo, and I saw him sometimes with our friends. He always looked for an excuse to be with me by the end, and I never gave in, not even to his flirting, but we had fun and laugh very much. In my mind, he was just looking for sex. He always insisted on us going out sometime just the two of us… After MONTHS of some fun chatting, we went out last month and I really enjoyed being with him. It was the first time I even heard him talk about his nieces (which NO one knew he had) and his family and asked me about what had happened in my past relationship, my work, he complimented my looks… you get the idea. By the end of the night we kissed, and I must admit it was a kiss so different, I hadn’t felt so freaked since I was 16. He was sweet and smooth, and I, freaked out so much, that I told him I wasn’t looking for something so serious, and I just heard him mumble: “Oh, yeah… me neither” (I know I have the blame, I know, understand, bear with me, my last relationship was so emotionally discouraging, I’ve been in the “Improve myself” phase for the last year, myself was enough to handle)
    Long story short: we slept that night (and even the sex was so different in a very good way) and then he went radio silent. I texted him 4 days later to see and his response were very neutral, so I didn’t kept texting him.
    We saw each other again at a mutual’s friend’s bday party, and the girl he was seeing last year was so drunk hanging around him, and he was not really eager, but wasn’t rude to her. We spoke two or three words, but at the beginning I saw him coming closer, but that was it. And he has liked ALMOST every post and pics on my social media, but doesn’t call me, or text me. I started to go NC on him after that party, and I saw him trying to get my attention on social media, and I was neutral. I just broke it on my birthday when he sent mee a happy birthday post (I always answer’s people’s bday wishes, I thinks it’s polite) but kept it as neutral as possible.

    This is a guy who is so reserved and has a tough look, he very scarcely let’s you inside of his mind, let alone his world. He is very privately, and I knew of a relationship that hurted him very much. He doesn’t say much, and truthfully is clueless at relationships, and he is EXTREMELY guarded with himself. I know he is a kind man because I’ve seen a glimpse when he lets it slip.

    I know you are going to say: well he was looking for sex and he got it. BUT, my first question (and for some peace of mind/learing experience) is: Did I missunderstood him? Clearly he doesn’t know how to handle some things, but I also been so off the radar, I tought we could just have a good time. Ironically, I felt a big connection and I think I didn’t pace myself to get to know each other more.
    And second question: if so, is there a way to change his mind? After reading TONS of your post it is easy to say I didn’t let him chase me, but, I think there is something there that is worth knowing.

    Im seeing him this weekend, I’ve been NC and he is coming to a party 5 days before 21 days NC breaks; and also doing some of the calendar tips (I have a spreadsheet, I even gave points to all the interactions). He made sure I knew he was coming too, and his ex wasn’t. I just want to know if I can plant in his mind that I actually enjoyed his company and want to meet him more, and hopefully leave him curious to know each other more. I’m not planning of having sex with him or anything, but actually just wanna know him a bit more and hang a bit.
    I don’t know if I blew the chance to meet a great guy because I couldn’t see it, and maybe that is the last time he opened up to me. But also, don’t plan to be a rebound girl.

    Can I change his mind?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 17, 2018 at 11:43 pm

      Hi there! It really is unclear what he wants, so I think NC approach is best. But I do think you can feel out the situation at the party. I dont think you blew anything. Just go slow and protect your feelings in the event he doesn’t want anything serious.

    2. LLMM

      April 23, 2018 at 2:43 pm

      Thank you Chris. In the end he didn’t show up, I don’t know the reason (I wont read too much into it).
      NC ends in 3 days, so I am working on my approach, and see what kind of response I get. (negative, positive or neutral); If I get a neutral answer, should I extend NC? Thanks.

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 8:53 pm

      Thanks for checking back LLMM…Just stick with the blueprint covered in my ebook. NC is very adaptable and so yes, if you get a neutral response you can extend it a few days, but then I would try again and see if he will engage. Remember, this whole process is largely about taking small little steps, leaving some breadcrumbs along the way so that he will notice and show interest.

    4. Chris Seiter

      April 17, 2018 at 11:43 pm

      Hi there! It really is unclear what he wants, so I think NC approach is best. But I do think you can feel out the situation at the party. I dont think you blew anything. Just go slow and protect your feelings in the event he doesn’t want anything serious.

  8. Emily

    March 20, 2018 at 3:19 am

    Hey guys. So I kinda messed up. My ex broke up with his new girlfriend because he said she was in it more than him, he wasn’t in love with her and has been asking to see me and sending me messages. It has been a month since they split. I was really good following the tease but don’t give in, and he respected it. He didn’t push, he made it obvious he was frisky but never asked for sex, and I was so amazed by his self control. I would see him and cuddle him and he would not make advances even though he wanted to. I respected it so much that I slept with him. And he was so happy but I’m scared that I have just ruined everything I have worked towards. Can you help my on what I should do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2018 at 4:29 pm

      Hi Emily,

      No matter how good he is at not sleeping with you, if you’re not officially back together, don’t sleep with him..

  9. Kate

    November 13, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    Hi! So I have a question. So for almost 4monthsvi was with a guy who didn’t want relationship, like we didn’t do dates but still we were very comfortable. At last I told him that he needs to do his thing and figureout what he wants in life and that deserve better, answer to that was just ok, while playing video games. I did it over the phone by the way. After that I unfollowed him everywhere, even though he stills follows me. I didn’t talk to him over a month. He never tried to reach out but watched my instagram stories. I reached out to him over Halloween cause one thing reminded me of him. He responded within 5 mins with a flood of texts saying how great my hair lookrd and how he liked the new color. So we talked and I ended the chat. ( I was the one who’s asked how was he) Since two weeks passed and he still didn’t reach out even though now he started to like all my pictures on instagram ( and he stopped doing it when we still we together). I reached out to him again, just to congratulate him for going outside ( he used to always seat inside) just because I saw it on his ig. So he again texted back straight away saying thanks, how he climbed the castle. He also said we, but didn’t say with whom he were so I didn’t ask ( before I did usually) and ended it buy saiying cool and that I never did anything like it. He read but didn’t continue the chat.So I want to know is there a chance that he still like me or is he just playing mind games? Or maybe it is just me and he clearly not interested?

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 8:26 pm

      Hi Kate,

      to be honest, you said it yourself, he didn’t want a relationship right from the start.. You should move on.

  10. Em

    January 24, 2017 at 1:34 pm

    I’ve followed your advice with a lot of this I was with my ex boyfriend for 2 and a half years and known him for 3 we split early last year and both agreed to stay in contact with each other we tried working something out and it didn’t work so we stayed friends.

    He ended up in a relationship with someone else so I took the initiative to do No contact for a month or so. Low and behold he contacted me I didn’t reply until no contact was over with. When I was ready to talk to him again we talked each day and met up a few times.
    He eventually split with his girlfriend and we got closer talking and went out a lot more.

    We talk everyday through text and phone calls we go the pictures together for walks and even meet up if we aren’t doing anything.
    So yesterday he phoned me and asked what I was doing I said nothing so he asked if I fancied coming into town for the day and spending the day together.

    There is sexual tension between us both and we both know it and we flirt with each other and we walked around laughing and joking we talked about us and I said to him that i miss the old us and he said the same.

    He mentioned that he wanted us to sleep together to release his sexual frustration I laughed and said we’re not going to do anything if we’re not together and it wouldn’t mean anything to him like he’s told me before he’s now changed it too “it would mean something, it’s just nothing would come of it”

    We sext a lot and talk over the phone and his flirting is becoming more and more difficult to ignore I flirt back but not as bad as he does he mentions that we should sleep together and I’ve told him no. So he’s suggested that we just see how it goes he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now but says that we should see how it goes if something happens it will if not then we will find out.

    I don’t know what else I can do? Do I carry on like we are or not?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2017 at 10:21 am

      Hi Em,

      Im not sure if you read my reply to your previous comment..but I’ll just paste it here..let me know if you have other questions

      Hi Emma,
      that’s good.. dont give in because once you do, you’ll be friends with benefits..just continue on with what you’re doing but dont sleep with him

  11. Melania

    January 23, 2017 at 9:01 pm

    The first time I met a colleague I developed a strong crush on him and I could see he also was flirting with me in a very polite way. He was visiting our office for a couple of week and suggested that I join him for a walk in the city the day he was taking off. During the walk, he was flirting and I directly told him that I had a crush on him. I think I killed the tease there. but anyway he called me in less than a month that he left and we video chat for couple of months on weekends. Eventually, one day he messaged that he didn’t find the spark and he was seeking something more than attraction. he then posted a public status that n his social media “feeling doubtful!”. That left a bit of hope for me unfortunately.
    The problem is that, this was the first time I ever told some one that I had a crush on him and I can’t help but wanting him. I didn’t contact him after that but I am going to see him because he visits our office every few months.
    Now I know the right decision is to let go of my thoughts and believe me I would do that if I could manage to. But, I am seeking solutions how to win him back. any comment would be appreciated 🙂 Thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      Hi Melania, The Ungettable Girl

      Improve yourself. Be the ungettable girl. Look like you’ve moved on. Check this link:

  12. Kristina

    January 22, 2017 at 9:24 pm

    Me and my ex boyfriend were in a relationship for 3 and a half years. But he recently broke up with me saying my constant breaks made his feelings change (i broke up with him twice because there were alot of issues and i got frustrated). I know he still loves me and cares about me but there is alot of anger stored within him and somewhere he has lost faith from serious relationships. Its been a month he broke up with me. In the beginning he was extremely harsh to me and would ignore my msgs for hours, nor would he want to meet me. Lately i met with an accident and he has been extremely sweet and caring. He finally came to meet me after a month (and it was an initiative taken by him without me asking him to do so). Things went really fine. We had a nice chat and towards the end he even initiated a kiss after i pecked him on his cheeks while he was about to leave. It was pretty much obvious he wanted to have sex but i took control over the situation and did not have sex with him (although we did make out). He works during the night and sleeps all day and so he says “right now he does not have time for himself so he hasn’t got time to think about us, nor does he have time to give me”. Its been a while i haven’t asked him to get back because i have finally realized if i act clingy he will be forced to avoid me. But i am worried if he starts to feel that things are better between us when we aren’t in a relationship.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 3:13 pm

      Hi Kristina

      you mean you’re worried he might friendzone you? Are you going to do the no contact rule,?

  13. mary

    October 30, 2016 at 10:48 am

    I´m not completely sure but I think that I may have botched this all together and could really need some help.
    Me and my ex had an on and off relationship for the last year but when we dated things were always good. We never fought and always felt good in each other’s presence. I put a stop to the relationship this summer, however, after four months of continuous dating after I realized I wanted a serious relationship and he wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted. Cue me making him see why he should commit.
    After the break up I didn’t contact him for two weeks but then we met and he and I slept together. For me it was just fun and I felt kind of over him and I realize now that I, after the breakup, was totally in charge as he chased me.
    We met a week after this again, at a party and he tried to make me jealous and then asked me to go home with him which I refused. No commitment, no sex, from then on.
    A couple of weeks past without any contact and then he suddenly started to text me and he was once again the chaser while I flirted back but still keeping myself ungettable. After a few days he texted again throughout the night and, even though he had started to date a new girl, he was clearly giving me all the right attention, while explaining that he hadn’t done anything with her.
    After this evening I however emailed him and asked for him to stop writing for a while because I was still hung up on him. Great. He has since moved on to yet another girl and after being silent to him for three weeks (without him texting as well) we once again met at a party where we talked for a bit. He tried to make me jealous with talking, loud enough for me to her, about a new girl he had been seeing and I then asked him to stop. He got a bit angry at me because he thought I had moved on from him and was happy without him. I explained that I was still hurting a bit and it upset me when he threw those things in my face. We hugged for a long time and then he left but we promised to catch up again. We went for a walk a couple of days after this and had a really nice time, where I got to show of my new and improved, happy personality and he seemed really impressed.
    We have since texted a bit but he isn’t at all coming onto me in the texts as before and sometimes stops answering all together. He came by about a week ago and we had a really nice time just hanging out and I made sure to be as fantastic as I could be and he clearly flirted with me. He wanted to come by a few days later (he was the one who initiated the text this time and wanted to meet up) and we once again had a really nice time, but without me making any moves on him, except light flirting which he reciprocated.
    He has made sure that I know that he isn’t dating this girl seriously but I have tried to not show any care in this new relationship of his.
    I thought I was doing really well but a few days later we talked on the phone and I, stupidly, kind of said that he was a fool for choosing her instead of me, and now he hasn’t made any contact, except for liking my Instagram photos, which he never did before. I went completely silent for a week and then tried texting him and got a positive response where he wanted to meet up sometime again and I just said, sure we can do that sometime, not trying to seem to eager. I have also ended all three text conversations very quickly, on my terms, to keep him interested but I´m the one who contacts him and he seems kind of neutral.
    I have worked with myself substantially and now feel like a more confident and amazing person which I clearly see that he has noticed. I know that I will get a great life with or without him but I want to give this one last try where he actually commits to me, as I truly love him. Is it too late? Have I messed up to much or should I continue with the plan? No contact again? I have to meet him on Monday when we are both going to the same party but I plan on being the flirty but still completely ungettable girl, but NC after that? Please help!
    (P.S I also started dating a bit on my own to ”get out there” if this doesn’t work and he knows this and has made more than one comment about him being happy for me, but at the same time trying to insult the guy I’ve me..)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2016 at 10:08 pm

      Hi Mary,

      Honestly, it’s too on and off. In those situations more likely it’s better to do a longer no contact.. at least 45 days to 60.. You can try your plan, I think it’s your last resort.

  14. Carmelina S.

    October 19, 2016 at 3:32 am

    hello! I have read your on line course and after 1 year from the break up, I met with my ex 2 weeks ago, after work. It seemed to me that everything went well from a ‘seduction’ point of view. We had great conversation, I was relaxed and happy, he touched me a lot , he brought up nice memories , and he even kissed me on the edge of my lips when we parted. Then he sent a thank you for the lovely evening message with many kisses emoji… I was happy and almost sure he would have followed up and reached out to meet again… But it has been 2 weeks and …nothing happened…. Did I miss my chance? He was evem wearing the bracelet I gave him, and that he had removed after the break up… My male friends say that he feels guilty and that is all… Or he would have tried to spend the night with me, or would have wanted to pay for dinenr instead of splitting ,and woudl have brought a birthday present ( it was mine last month)…. I am little lost now… Shall I still trying to seduce him or i have missed all my chances?
    Thank you for your feedback!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 20, 2016 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Carmelina,

      Before you met, did you build up rapport with texting and calling first? And after you met, did you keep texting each other?

  15. Annie

    September 2, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    Maybe I misunderstood… Are the girlfriends supposed to send joking texts at first? I tried sending him a goofy text just like example you have on here about ballet dancing and it didn’t go as planned. I got as far as texting him “Can I get your opinion about something? And he replied, “Sure! I will call you.” and then he called me right away. I had to tell him sorry for making him think it was something important to drag him away from work that I was just trying to send a joke. He said, “You didn’t drag me away from anything; I needed a break.”
    Boy that was awkward at first. We did end up talking about an issue with our son and then ended up chatting for about 5 minutes. So hopefully it all worked out for the best.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 3, 2016 at 2:48 pm

      hi Annie,

      it was an awkward start but in my perspective it went well

  16. Crystal

    July 6, 2016 at 12:02 am

    I have a comment and question about how to handle this situation. I have dated men, and this happens, every single time, I live with my mother, and she puts me down, to the man, that I’m dating, and says that I don’t look like that, meaning the fact that I look different without makeup, and being fixed up, I know, who doesn’t right, but I have oily skin, and oily hair, so I have to wash on a daily basis, and I know some people can skip days washing their hair, but I have to be meticulous about my hair and skin, because it gets oily so quickly, but she is basically, pointing out my flaws, to my partner, and she is using these techniques, listed above, in this article, as far as she is putting me down, but then, she is simultaneously, flirting with my men, and leading them on, and they get to the point, where I don’t know, if because of the seduction, and they know they can, or what, but they team up with her, and it starts by making comments putting me down, and basically, repeating what she has said, that you don’t look like that, and of course, it’s true, that if I don’t fix up, then, my hair and skin does get oily, so therefore, I have to be careful about it. And, I have to be meticulous, but of course, that is exactly what I am doing in the beginning of the relationship, is being meticulous about my appearance, and regardless of having my hair washed and fresh makeup on, I still get put down, and get the repeated comments, gossip, repeated to me, that she said, and of course, they don’t tell me who said, it but they’re saying, you don’t look like that… well… everyone has to try and usually everyone doesn’t look glamorous rolling out of bed and has to shower, mine is just that my hair skin gets oily, and I have to shower, but I’m putting forth effort, and they haven’t seen me looking bad, but they still repeat what she has said to disparage me. They know from the start her intentions and that she is competing with me and they are on her team to try and put me down, which creates part of the fog, and oppression, and abuse… eventually lead to flirting in front of me with her. I don’t know, if it eventually leads to sex, behind my back, or what, but she is trying to ruin my relationships, by putting me down, and repeating these comments to them, and then, getting in their head, and whatever reason, they are choosing, to put me down, and want sex with her, maybe part of it is because of the seduction that they are on her team, whether she is giving sex or not, she is alluding to it, and flirting with them in front of me, and leading them on and therefore, I assume she has more power than I do, because of these seduction techniques, but why are they teaming up with her, to put me down, and dismiss my efforts, because of what she said, simply because she is seducing them? Is it because they know what it is leading to or the fact of what she is alluding to, whether it happens or not, is that the reason, they are doing it, because they are definitely on her team, in putting me down, and then, is it because they don’t like me at all? Is that why they’re teaming up with her? They make jokes about your mom, in the beginning, suggesting that they know, that she is flirting with them, and they could have both, and then, eventually, I feel like the third wheel, and she takes over, flirting with my man, in front of me, and they both, act like I’m not even there, and I start thinking to myself, do they think that I don’t know, I mean, flirting wouldn’t be there, unless you were interested in sex, I understand her way, because it’s a younger attractive guy, but I don’t understand, as well, giving up someone attractive your age, but it’s part of the seduction, maybe, because he’s already got me. I’m just thinking about the techniques and how she is using seduction, to pull them, away from me, and simultaneously, putting me down, to them, but why team up with her, to put me down, and push me away, is it because I’m not being seductive, and leading men on, and then, asking for the commitment, first, and therefore, I’m virtually, in an open relationship, because I have not done the techniques the right way, and she can come in with seduction, and use sex, without actually having sex, and I don’t know if they eventually do, but using that lure, sex, to appeal to them, to put me down, etc. Is it all because of the allure the possibility of sex? Or is the actually doing it? And I guess these men just feel they are in an open relationship? The sad part is the number that she and he are doing to me mentally and emotionally by trying to make me think that something is wrong with me, and they are just falling for all of this seduction? Why? Why? Why? This has happened at least two relationships. And, other just friends that are mine that are males, she does the same thing, disparaging me, and trying to flirt, or get them to team up with her, and put me down, etc. Some fall for it, and I don’t exactly understand why they would team up with her, to put me down? That is the part that I don’t understand.

    1. Shante

      September 2, 2016 at 3:18 pm

      So I dated this guy for 2 months, I decided that to break the relationship off since things were getting cold and distant. We do work together btw, but we don’t talk at work unless it’s necessary aND strictly pertains to work. Recently he’s been txting me and I haven’t responded to his messages, we’ll except one that was work related. After I did respond to that txt he replied saying how glad he was that I responded bec he feared that I was going to ignore him for the rest of my career. I’m not sure how to interpret this. Then yesterday he seen my car pass him on the street and he sends me a txt saying ” not even going to wave or honk huh?” I think he’s missing me and hates that I’m ignoring him, however I would like to get back together as our breakup was a rash decision on my part, it seems to me like he’s trying to keep in contact bec he also wants to try again. Please help…

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 2, 2016 at 6:21 pm

      Hi Shante,

      how long have you been doing no contact? How sure are you that he’s not friendzoning you?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2016 at 9:31 am

      Hi Crystal

      move out and go to a therapist so, that you can learn how to filter those kind of negativity and to build and maintain confidence

  17. Surprised

    June 21, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    Ok so I’m dealing with booty call/mixed signal issues. I made the mistake pre NC of sleeping with him, so now he thinks that’s a thing. I’m about 3-4 weeks post NC and he’s chasing. Hard. Even showed up at my house yesterday – he tried to get physical and I managed to be flirty and dodge my way out of it. I did let him give me a kiss, stopped him, and told him that I’d already told him he is going to have to convince me that anything sexual is a good idea. I kicked him out (very nicely), told him I’d be open to drinks that night which he agreed to. I’ve told him he’s going to have to take me out, act a certain way in order for me to even consider anything more. Long story short is he flaked on drinks- I think had I responded to his 10p text he would’ve tried for the booty call- but I had already told him earlier we’d have to reschedule bc it was too late. I’ve got him swiping at the proverbial yarn ball, no problem. The issue now is that he’s kind of half bought in on dates. We did go for a run together a few weeks ago with no issue, but actual dates ….It’s like he wants to, but then realizes I probably want more and is testing my boundaries. How do I chill him out without totally “shooting his horse” and get him to date?

    1. Shante

      September 2, 2016 at 3:21 pm

      Oh also forgot to mention that he will send me messages while we are at work that say hi and bye when he leaves. Again I haven’t responded to any txts that are not specifically work related.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 2, 2016 at 6:21 pm

      Hi Shante,

      how long have you been doing no contact? How sure are you that he’s not friendzoning you?

    3. Surprised

      July 14, 2016 at 3:21 pm

      Well it looks like we have a “no response”. I sent him a note yesterday after 6 days just saying “headed out for a run but you’re on my mind, Hope you’re having a great week!”. Nothing…. usually he responds within 10 minutes or so. After him chasing sex hard last week, and me telling him nicely I wouldn’t be his booty call he kept trying a little/begging. I eventually just dropped off. Next day I invited him to a group event, he said he had plans and apologized, which was cool. Told him no problem 🙂 We ran in to each other about an hour later, I was nice with him- but he seemed a little off. Maybe a bit frosty but still nice. Now the silent treatment… what do I do? Part of me wants to ask if he’s mad at me, but maybe just letting him go is better? Help!

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2016 at 8:36 pm

      jhmmm..give it another week..let’s see if he still contacts you

    5. Surprised

      July 9, 2016 at 6:17 pm

      Quick update, I think it’s going well but I can’t help but feel that twinge of “maybe i’m reading too much in to this”. He left for vacation, and was largely silent but when I sent out text number 1 at day 2.5 of silence, then another 4 days later he responded right away to both. After the later text exchange (which was a “hope you’re having a great vacation!” initiation), which I ended with a “heading in to dinner ttyl”, i got a snapchat from him at 1am. Much to my surprise it wasn’t anything raunchy, it was a video clip of a movie we both really like. *hmm*. So now he’s back. He initiated contact within 24 hours of being home (after 5 days of my pulling back), I asked if he’d like to go for a walk, which we did, followed by sitting on the porch and talking for a while. We talked about a lot of good things but what I found interesting was that he shared how little fun it was having to wingman for his recently single friend, and was definitely trying to show off a little about how he’s lost some weight and has been working out again. He also talked a lot about his family (who I’ve met), and how he needs to get his own place because his roommate (who he previously had resigned to being a permanent fixture) needs to go. I made sure to give him a hug hello, which was good, and over the course of our talking we’d occasionally find little ways to non-chalantly touch each other – but while we were sitting talking he eventually put his hand on my leg with no move to try anything else. The hug goodbye was textbook in terms of what Chris talks about with positive body language. He held me tight, put his face in my neck, and when I tested the pull back, he was still holding on tight. After he left though, he started texting like a horny teenager. I played along a bit by giving him a PG-13 answer to a sex question, but after that made a point of telling him he’d have to wait for any more, that while I really enjoy/miss that with him, I wasn’t going to be his booty call (nicely/playfully). Just a few questions that are lingering:
      Should I be worried about him trying to call me out for being a tease (which he did)? I know guys will get irritated and reject a girl sometimes if they feel like they’re being gamed.
      Pre EBR I definitely chased him trying to get him back, so I have been very hesitant to engage too much, just planting seeds and letting him come to me.
      Now that we’ve had one small date (a run) and one small/medium (smedium?) date (this walk), I’m pretty sure he’s doing a lot of thinking – should I continue to just let him come to me to avoid chasing? What’s the longest I should let pass between messages if he’s being silent? I’ve initiated the 2 hang outs, should I sit tight and see if he makes the move for the next one? If so… how long do I wait before I bite the bullet and initiate again?

      You guys are life savers! Thank you!

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 10, 2016 at 4:05 pm

      It’s ok to initiate texting.. so do that, just end the convo yourself.. and then during the convo while building up rapport, maybe after a week again or two, drop hints of activities that you can do.. ask him if he has heard about or if he has any idea or experience about it and then continue on other activities with your friends. Do activities with other friends without him that he mihgt want to experience then take him there

    7. Surprised

      June 23, 2016 at 5:19 am

      Nope! Did 30 day NC already, we’ve been back to talking via text for about a month now. I think you’re right about showing value. Drawing that line and telling him that I’m interested, but he needs to take me out/not act like a horned up teenager was hard… but I think the fact that he was trying to be all over me in person and I sent him away was a huge benefit to my value. Telling him that we’d have to reschedule that night because he texted me too late probably didn’t hurt either. My guess is that he’s going to throw a little tantrum and go silent for a few days, but I plan on backing off and giving him space to come to me (he’s been doing that). I’ve just honestly never experienced a guy that literally begs for sexual attention, but is flaky about follow through. I know in another article Chris mentions guys “testing”… is it possible he’s trying to see how I react to bad behavior and pushiness to test value/reaction? If he continues to push the envelope about sexual texting, which always consists of him soliciting and me being flirty without engaging, do I try to use that to transition him to a phone call/public date?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 12:14 pm

      yep.. you can try that.

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 8:11 am

      Hi Suprised,

      you have to be strong because you have to show value.. it’s ok to hang out outside but dodge staying in anyone’s place.. right now you’re in nc?

  18. Kait

    November 7, 2015 at 8:07 am

    Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he just acts normal again or sometimes he’ll say things like ‘going to be a normal gf or still an angry troll’ I admit when we argue at times I can say some really horrible and unforgivable things, but so has he. He’s said many times over the past months that he doesn’t love me and hasnt wanted to be with me for months now. It’s mostly him who breaks up with me, I’ve only ever broken up with him I’ve but I didn’t mean it. He’s also said that he’s only taken me back because I made him or wouldn’t leave him alone. Now last week we had a huge fight on Sunday and things got so bad and again he said were over and that he doesn’t love me anymore and that once I leave his house I won’t be setting foot in there ever again. Things got broken and he got angry and pushed me but I replaced the broken things and got them sent to his house. He text me after the break up saying he got the items but he can’t accept them knowing how he feels about us and that he sees no future for us and doesn’t see us ever working. I tried to do no contact but failed on day 3 🙁 and text him back saying ‘Hey, I was just thinking about the first time we went to the cinema together to see Jurassic World, it was so good. I am glad we did that.’ But because he didn’t reply I turned into a text gnat and then said ‘could we talk please? I don’t like how things were left.’ He replied ‘I enjoyed the good times we had too but things arent the same and we argue too much, please send me your address so i can return the items as it doesnt feel right’ I responded ‘I don’t want to lose you, so will you please work with me to make our relationship work again, I know I don’t deserve it but I care for you deeply and I love you..I want you to keep the them, I’m sorry.’ And again he didn’t respond so I text him again saying ‘Please just talk with me, even if you hate me, please hear me out.’ He responded saying ‘it’s over I sorry, there’s nothing else I can say’ I continued to keep begging him to take me back and him not replying and when he I asked him if he loved me he said no sorry and he also said he won’t be contacting me anymore and i really dont want to upset you more and talking is doing that, you are more than welcome to let me send the items back, other than that good bye. I continued to bombard him with messages and calls, he replied no my minds made up..I continued to message and call him the next day too but no reply. It’s not been almost 3 days I haven’t heard from him and I’m absolutely terrified of losing him. I didn’t text him today so this is the first day I haven’t contacted him for..I want to try the no contact but I always end up caving in. Do you think the Nc rule will get him to speak to me or even give us a chance of ever getting back together? Please help.

  19. Lean

    August 29, 2015 at 1:01 pm

    Hi Chris. So the short version of this post is: seduce ex – make him want sex – let him commit. You explain the first two parts so very well, thank you! But what now? Surely sex isn’t the only thing to make him want a relationship, that failed once. How can I use his desire to make him forget the past and overcome his doubts?

  20. SnowWhite

    August 12, 2015 at 1:31 am

    Perhaps I can come clean about my story (at first I thought – gosh, every lady is seeking an answer from Chris). My ex and I are from different backgrounds he’s Chinese-born, I’m Russian-born. We knew each other in college, forward 4 yrs later we were dating. We realized how similar in mind we were (he actually told me he always wondered what it would be like to date ‘himself’). We were twin-flames. Needless to say, our Sun-Tzu-like similarities had our break up end in a manner similar to chimps tossing sh*t at one another. After 5 months of NC (after I finally ‘got it’), we bumped into each other at the kickboxing gym. The first time, he saw me there (in NYC, though I go to office there once in a while), he literally made a run for the exit. The second time we were there, he manned up…. i.e. – he made sure I couldn’t see him, hiding behind punch bags, while for some reason remaining close during the drills. We finally locked eyes towards the end of the class — I could read in him (and it’s not projection, I usually have good intuition) – “hurt, regret, ambivalence about his choice”, meanwhile he was trying to read me, but I was as nonchalant as I could possibly be. Nevertheless, the (sexual) tensions could be cut with a knife, with us being in opposite corners of the room. We still don’t talk – both too stubborn and ambivalent. Since he had more dating experience and had auto-resorted to power-games while we were still together, I’m not about to bow down now. Can there be a chance in a situation like this?

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