Making an ex boyfriend regret letting you go can be a complicated thing to achieve.

If you were to survey the average person on the street and ask them the following question:

“Would you ever get back with your ex?”

Chances are high that they will say “no.”

However, if I have learned anything from my tenure here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery it is that what people say and what people do can sometimes be completely different things.

It’s one thing if your ex boyfriend tells you over and over he regrets what he did.  It is altogether a different matter to see your ex boyfriend’s regretful demeanor as revealed in his eyes, or his body language or even his tears.

5  Huge Ways To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret What He Did To You?

This whole question of making your ex boyfriend look back at what happened between the two of you and wonder if he made a huge mistake in either letting you go or simply outright leaving you is a fascinating topic.

Making your ex regret doing those things that caused him to lose you is probably top of your mind right now.

But this business of sewing the seeds of doubt and making your ex bf feel sad for his role in the messy breakup is tricky.

What do I mean by that?

What is so tricky about creating in your ex boyfriend this sense of loss and remorse that he may have done one of the most stupid things in his life – namely letting you get away?

You see, what makes this such a fascinating breakup puzzle to unravel is that there are many kinds of regrets that your boyfriend’s actions can trigger.

I am not talking just about the kind of breakup regrets  he may eventually experience over his actions, but also the disappointment you may have about what transpired…. about how it all went down.

Over the course of this Guide, you are going to see that the way to open up your boyfriend’s mind and heart and make him regretful for his decisions follows

5 Important Ex Back Pillars.

These 5 key Pillars that can bring about contrition and remorse in your Ex consist of:

1. Understanding How Your Boyfriend Processes Regret And Leveraging That Knowledge
2. Showing Your Ex Boyfriend That You Are Moving On (Without Really Moving On)
3. Creating Space Between You and Your Ex Boyfriend  Then Watching Over Time As His Regrets Accumulate
4. Tapping Into a Psychological Principle That Will Trigger His Addiction To Be Around You Again
 5.  Learning to Leave Your Ex Boyfriend Wanting More of You

I promise we will spend considerable time talking about each of the critical Pillars I just listed above.  Doing any of these things can better your chances.

Doing all of these things will significantly improve your efforts to teach your ex boyfriend that no longer should he take you for granted and that losing you, letting you go was a huge mistake.

Helping your ex boyfriend arrive at these feelings is where the balance of personal power begins to shift your way.

But first let’s explore the question of whether your ex boyfriend can truly feel a sense of loss.

You see, this whole topic can get rather confusing.  So what should you be asking yourself!

10 Questions You Should Ask Yourself About Your Ex Boyfriend, the Breakup and His Sense of Responsibility

There are probably lots of things that your ex boyfriend (and you) may feel sad and sorrowful about.

A lot of bad stuff may have transpired.  Can you accept your mistakes and forgive yourself, then move forward?

Is your ex capable of learning from his misdeeds and can he rise to the occasion to accept his role in the breakup?

It turns out that this matter of regret can get rather complicated.  For starters, we need to make sure we are all on the same page when talking about this topic. For example what kind of regret or sorrow are we dealing with?  And can you trust that your ex boyfriend is genuinely expressing sorrow and sadness?

Will things really get better if your ex boyfriend rushes to your side to frantically tell you he is sorry, but not really feel it or mean it?

No, of course not.

So let’s explore some of the questions you might want to ask yourself!

1. Will your ex bf get to a place where he really feels sad about what he said or did to you?

2. How will he be made to be repentant for the miserable time he dragged you through?

3.  Can you trust that your ex boyfriend will truly be remorseful for the pain he caused you?  And what will bring that about?

3. Will you be able to accept your boyfriend’s tearful apology if it comes to that?

4. Will your ex boyfriend be contrite and sincerely behave in a way that convinces you he is truly regretful?

5. Is your ex boyfriend’s apologies just  a ploy to have sex with you?

6. Is it possible that your ex bf struggles with empathy and you can never expect to get a sincere apology?

7. Is he two timing you and only saying what you want to hear to make you forget about the other girl?

8. How many times have you heard him beg you for forgiveness, throwing himself at your mercy?

9. Is this yet another  manipulative effort on his end to play games with you?

10. Is it time to finally decline his apology and end this relationship forever?

As you work you way through this Guide, I hope to shine some light on these topics and better prepare you to deal with these kinds of questions and concerns.

What Is Your Breakup Situation and What Do You Really Want in the End?

Let’s say you have cried your eyes out.  Your ex boyfriend did something to you that he has never done before or perhaps it’s just a repetition of all the horrible things he has done in the past.

So what is your “regret” situation?

Is it:

  1. Making your ex boyfriend regret leaving you for someone else he just met.  Man, if that is what went down, then by golly he should be made to feel bad because you are an awesome person, yet he left you behind.
  2. Is it about helping your ex boyfriend realize that he should regret ignoring you because you deserve so much more? If the relationship is going to work, your ex is going to have to realize he screwed up big time.
  3. Could we possibly be talking about making your ex boyfriend feel regret for hurting you in unspeakable ways?  I am not talking about physical abuse, but let me mention that is one of those things for which you should have zero tolerance.  No, what I am referring to is emotional abuse and the bitterness that goes along with ugly break ups.
  4. Is it about how to make him regret not choosing you over that crazy ex girlfriend he has taken up with again?
  5.  Or maybe you want your ex boyfriend to suffer and suffer for all the awful things he has done to you.  I sure hope you don’t take that path as you also will be filled with sorrow and guilt, resulting in a lose – lose situation.

Actually There Are 4 Kinds of Breakup Regrets That Plague a Couple

So how do we organize all these feelings of remorse and sorrow?

Let’s open up the lens and really examine this whole issue of Breakup Remorse.

Who should apologize to who?

Or is that even in play?

Well, it turns out that breakup regrets cover the whole spectrum.  It’s not just about what your ex boyfriend did to you that has made things awful.  It turns out that there are 4 main areas where a couple can get tangled up in web of dissapointment and sadness, all leading to remorse and a desire to makes things right.

These areas include:

1. Your Mistakes That Triggers Regret

It wouldn’t be right for me to assume that you did absolutely nothing wrong and that the relationship with your ex went south because of all the terrible things your ex boyfriend did to you.  Maybe we should sacrifice him to the breakup gods, right! Just kidding. Of course, the way relationships end are rarely the fault of one person.  Most often there is plenty of fault on both sides.

Maybe you got hooked up with a really stubborn guy who frustrated you so much that it ended up creating relationship chaos.  Hey, guess what?  Even if you made some mistakes with your ex boyfriend and he has turned stubborn on you, you still have options!

What I want you to take from this is that if you did things wrong, the sooner you acknowledge it to yourself and eventually to your ex boyfriend, the better.  It is important to forgive yourself and not hold on to guilt and sadness.  In this case, the sooner you relinquish your internal regrets, the better it will be for you both.

2. Your Boyfriend’s Shortcomings That Lead To His Apology

Of course, this is what brought you here to this post.  Your ex boyfriend stole your heart, then pierced it with something bad he said or did and now he needs to accept it and show you he sincerely is remorseful.  Sounds like it should be easy for him to do this right?  I mean after all, it’s probably really clear in your mind that he is to blame.

So your boyfriend should be the one to confess his sins and apologize, right?  If only things could be so simple.  As you probably know too well, your boyfriend is not always the most sensitive and empathetic guy around.

It’s going to take some work on his end and your end too to help him see more clearly what he has done.  But you are in luck, because that is what we are going to be spending most of our time talking about in this post!

3. Your Regrets That You Even Got Mixed Up With This Guy

Another kind of outcome is when you finally realize that you made a mistake in investing so much of yourself in this relationship.  Perhaps there have been numerous fights and multiple break ups in the past.  But now you have come to your senses realizing that your boyfriend offers  empty apologies and seems incapable of truly regretting his actions.

Whatever it is that makes him this way, perhaps now you are able to see the big picture.  So the kind of regret we are dealing with is just the normal sadness a person feels for having tried so hard to make something work, but fell short.

If this is your case or becomes the outcome for you later, I would ask you to take the necessary time to mourn the loss of the relationship, but also recognize that you have many wonderful paths that lies ahead and now you are so much better equipped at making better choices of who you want to spend time with.

4. Your Ex Boyfriend Regrets He Did Not End The Relationship  Sooner

Now I am sure this is not the kind of regret you came here to read about.  But it would be wrong for me not to acknowledge that it may be your boyfriend’s perception that this relationship is not going to work out.  Now, I have seen plenty of cases were couples have come to doubt if their relationship was meant to be.  They may feel the passion of love, but they may also grapple with struggles to get along.

Successful couples seldom quit at the first sign of trouble. Sometimes they learn and work through their problems.  Not because they love each other more, but most often because they have the skills and competencies to find a path they both can happily walk down together.  But if it doesn’t turn out this way, there should be no shame.

Sure, there will be regrets of all types.  But if the compatibility is not there, then it means you will find it with someone else.  Seldom do people get it right in the first, second, or even third relationship.  We are all out here trying to find the right matches.

So Chris, Where Do I Go From Here?

I would say that it is impossible to force an ex boyfriend to come back to you.

“Wait.. isn’t this a site about doing just that?”

No, this site is all about influencing your ex boyfriend to come back to you. Imagine if you could be such an influence on your ex that you could make him choose to come back to you. THAT is what I am trying to show you.

Luckily, THAT is also what this entire guide is going to be about.

Its about enabling your ex boyfriend to feel a real sense of regret for what has happened.  You see, he may not be able to get there by himself.  I am not saying you are dating a man devoid of feelings or some kind of heartless and soulless dude.

I am just encouraging to read on to discover more about these 5 Pillars of getting your ex boyfriend to see the error of his ways.

In this Guide, I am going to show you exactly what you need to do in order to leave your ex with feelings of regret. The goal is to make him regret leaving you so much that he will think of nothing else.

In essence, I suppose it can be argued that this Guide is all about improving your chances of making an ex want you back which is what almost everyone on this site wants.

Pillar 1: Does Your Ex Boyfriend Even Regret Letting You Go?

regret

One of the biggest concerns from visitors to Ex Boyfriend Recovery has to be if their ex boyfriend would even consider a reconciliation.

I am sure if you ask the average ex boyfriend he would say something like:

“No way would I ever want to get back with her.”

or

“Why do you think I made her my ex?”

When I was researching for this guide I looked at multiple sources for inspiration. Many of these sources were forums full of women asking men if they ever regretted breaking up with their exes. Of course, as I predicted above most of the men that chimed in said that they didn’t.

Of course, what you say in public, or on the internet and what you know to be true can be completely different.

Men are hardwired to never admit or show weakness. Saying in public that you really regret letting go of your ex girlfriend can be perceived as a weakness but I know enough about the way relationships work to know that a lot of what men say publicly is meaningless. What really matters is what is going on in his head.

Would you like to know something shocking?

I run a website so it is kind of my job to be tech savvy. One of the things that I always find myself doing is looking for ideas on new “guides” to write. One of the ways I do this is to look at what people are typing into Google. For webmasters, Google has created this type of “keyword search volume tool.” Using this tool I can type in key-phrases like “ex boyfriend” and see how many people are searching that particular keyword per month.

So, when I started reading all of these forum comments of guys saying that they didn’t ever regret letting their exes go I got curious to see just how many of them were searching the internet for advice on how to get their girlfriends back.

When I typed in the keyword “how to get your ex boyfriend back” in the search traffic tool there were 9,900 searches per month. That means that every month about 9,900 women are typing that particular phrase into Google.

Now, when I typed in the keyword “how to get your ex girlfriend back” in the search traffic tool there were 12,100 searches per month. I took a screenshot to prove that I am not lying:

Screen Shot 2014-01-04 at 7.56.00 PM

(click to enlarge)

This means that there are actually more men searching for advice on their exes than women. In other words, statistics say that more men than women actually regret letting their exes go.

“Okay… but what about all those men saying that they didn’t regret it at all in the forums?”

Yes, lets talk about that for a moment. I think the best way I can explain this to you is to explain the regretting process of men.

How Regret Works For Your Boyfriend

star wars regret

I have found that there are usually two ways that regret can surface within men.

I would like to take a moment to explore each of those ways now.

So, the two main ways that men can regret leaving an ex are:

1. The Quick Way To Get Him To Come Around To Your Way of Thinking
2. The Long Path To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend To Accept His Role in the Breakup

Lets take a moment to explore each of these ways in-depth.

(You can get an even more in-depth look at these two ways with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

The Quick Way

In the example I gave a few sections above I literally proved that there are actually more men regretting letting go of their exes than women. Lets step into the shoes of one of those men. I want you to imagine for a moment that you are a guy who has just left his ex girlfriend. Now, maybe when you were planning the breakup of your relationship in your head you thought it would be a good idea. Maybe you thought that you would spend all of your time with your best friends hopping from bar to bar meeting new girl after new girl.

It all seemed so fun in your head yet after your breakup things aren’t going exactly how you thought they would go. Bar hopping wasn’t really all that great because 2 of your best friends bailed on you and all the women you meet after the breakup can’t hold a candle to your ex.

Soon regret starts to kick in and you realize the cold hard truth, you made a mistake.

The Quick Way- Essentially regret will kick in 1-4 weeks after the breakup of a relationship.

I have actually experienced this phenomenon myself. I remember after I broke up with a girlfriend I started regretting my decision a bit later I think it was predestined though.

Why?

Well, when you date someone for close to a year you get used to talking with them every single day. After we broke up the shock of suddenly NOT talking can be a little weird. This is when the loneliness kicks in and you start to realize that maybe you didn’t have it so bad with your ex (even though it was pretty bad in my case.) Of course, the combat to loneliness in this type of situation is to go out and find someone to fill the void that an ex left and usually that person is your ex.

Ironically, this leads us to our second way of regret!

The Long Path

Some men are stubborn..

It is unfortunate but it is also true. Some men will refuse to believe that they made a mistake by leaving you. No matter what you do or say nothing will change his mind. It is only until he goes out into the world and experiences the horror that is other women (who are not you) that he will finally realize what a mistake he made.

I have used this analogy a lot throughout this site so here it is yet again.

I want you to imagine that in every relationship you get into with a man you are going to be given a number between 1 and 10. This number is going to be a correlation to HIS overall experience in the relationship. Now, obviously if a breakup occurs the number that you were given has fallen below a satisfactory level.

Here is the funny thing though. Humans in general tend to take things for granted. We are always obsessed with getting the newest things and sometimes that carries over into our relationships. It isn’t impossible that a long lasting relationship can become boring and sometimes if a guy feels like this he may want something new.

The only problem with that is the fact that sometimes men don’t realize how good they had it with you.

Lets say that you and your ex broke up. In your exes head he rated his experience with you as an 8. As he begins to move on with his life and has new experiences with other women he begins to get some perspective and ups his rating with you to a “9.”

Now, I want you to imagine that he dated another girl and she doesn’t compare to the standard you set. Soon he begins comparing every girl he meets to the standard you set. The problem he finds is that no girl even comes close to his experience with you.

Lets welcome our old friend regret back!

Pillar 2: Raising Your Chances For Regret By Changing His Paradigm

(If you want more information on raising your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back please check out my E-Book.)

ron burgeondy regret

“You need to become someone worth regretting.

That is what this is all about. One of my favorite quotes ever came from the great Frank Sinatra:

“The best revenge is massive success!”

I know this is going to sound weird but I want you to embrace this philosophy. One of the biggest problems I think that women have when it comes to getting an ex back revolves around how much effort you put into getting him back.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the effort I really do but the fact of the matter is that you are putting your effort in the wrong place. Instead of placing all of your effort into your ex you need to place it on yourself. Look, I totally have your back when it comes to getting him back or making him regret letting you go. You leave all that stuff up to me. What I want you to do is focus on self improvement.

So I want you to strive to move forward, leaving your ex boyfriend behind, without really losing full sight of him.

So, that is my recommendation to you.

Moving On Without Moving On

should move on

Right now the goal you are shooting for is to become someone that your ex would regret letting go. If you can do that then you are on the right path.

It shouldn’t come as a shock that men are attracted to beautiful and intelligent women.

Lets say that two women of equal looks were chosen for an experiment. Both of these women were considered to be the same level of attractiveness except there is a huge difference in personality between the two of them. One of the women is extremely intelligent and the other one is not.

If I were to take these two women and line them up against a wall and ask random men to meet each one of them separately something tells me that most of the men would choose the intelligent woman over the non intelligent woman for a long term relationship.

Throughout my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO you constantly hear me talking about the Ungettable Girl.

“You need to become the Ungettable Girl.”

Ungettable Girl here..

Ungettable Girl there…

Ungettable Girl everywhere…

Yes, you need to become an UG but you want to know a secret?

The very best ungettables are the ones that don’t know what they are. They are simply ungettable by nature. One thing that I constantly notice about these type of women is the fact that have more in their life than men. You see, more often than not these type of women really want to feel loved by a man but their whole life doesn’t revolve around that principle. No, their love life is only one aspect of what makes them who they are.

This creates a type of aura around a girl and gives her a special meaning to men.

Want to know why?

Because if a girl is like this then that means she isn’t going to be overly available to a man. In other words, the guy is always having to work to get her attention and while many guys whine about the chasing process deep down we all kind of like it.

So, the first big thing I think you need to realize is to STOP making everything in your life about your ex boyfriend. I know that is a weird thing to say for a site that specializes in reuniting women with their exes but it’s almost like you have to train yourself to NOT want your ex boyfriend. In other words, you have one of the hardest tasks in the world ahead of you.

What you have to do is move on without moving on.

Imagine for a moment that you begin moving on and healing yourself. You still want your ex boyfriend back but you have accepted the fact that even if you do everything right things might not fall in your favor. So, while you have hope alive you don’t want to be caught in limbo land so you start doing things to kind of move on.

“Wait Chris, are you saying that we have to fake moving on? Like, on the outside pretend we are moving on when on the inside we are praying that he comes back?”

No..

I am not a fan of insincerity.

Men can tell when you aren’t being sincere. If you are faking moving on then it is really not happening and you are more likely to be insincere. The point of this exercise isn’t to tell you that you have no hope or anything morbid like that. The point of this is to put you in a position where you have an opportunity to reignite a connection and the best way to do that is to show your ex that your world doesn’t revolve around him.

Would you like to know something scary?

Every woman who I have advised to master the art of moving on to create an opportunity to get their ex back has been given an opportunity to get him back. I am not kidding. Every single one who has done this successfully (that I have heard back from) has always said to me that their ex started chasing them again.

Now that you have the basic principles down one pressing question remains, when do you put all this moving on to get an opportunity into effect?

Well, during the no contact rule of course!

Pillar 3: The No Contact Rule Will Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Losing You

don't talk to me

If you have never heard of the no contact rule then I am just going to let you know that it is an ESSENTIAL part of making an ex regret leaving.

Have you ever heard that famous quote:

Sometimes silence can say more than a thousand words.

Well, the no contact rule is essentially based on that philosophy.

So, what is it and how can it help your ex regret letting you go?

The no contact rule is a widely accepted philosophy that after a breakup you should enter into a period of no contact with your ex. So, the nuts and bolts of the rule goes like this. If your ex calls, texts, facebooks, instagrams, snapchats or emails you, you ignore him. On top of that you have to kill any urges to contact him at all. It is a period of complete silence where you don’t talk or respond to your ex in any way shape or form.

This leads us to another inevitable question.

How long should this period of no contact with an ex last?

Well, when I first started this site I had a strict 30 day no contact policy. However, experience has taught me that nothing should ever be set in stone and there are certain situations where 30 days isn’t practical. I am still a fan of the 30 day no contact period so if it is within your power to complete one I would say to complete it.

However, if you have some weird circumstance where it’s not possible for you to complete the 30 day period then just run it by me in the comments section of this page and I will get back to you within a day and give you some help on what to do.

How The No Contact Rule Can Make Him Regret Leaving You

regret my life

The no contact rule can make an ex boyfriend regret on two fronts.

The first front is pretty self explanatory.

Have you ever wondered why it drives you crazy when someone ignores you?

I can tell you that as smart and clever as I am when it comes to dealing with people it drives me up the wall when I know for a fact that someone is ignoring me.

When I like someone I usually know right away. The way a mans mind works is pretty interesting actually. He will know whether or not he likes a girl within about 5 minutes of talking to her. For example, if I were to be invited to a party and meet a very pretty girl I am sure that I would like her within minutes. Now, that doesn’t mean I am going to date her because I am smart enough to know that there is more to a relationship than just sheer looks. So, every interaction I have with her after the initial meeting is going to shape my perception of her.

Now, if I one day wake up and realize “wow, I really like this girl” and then all of a sudden she starts ignoring me it is going to drive me crazy and probably make me like her more. I know that is a bizarre thing to say but think about it from my perspective for a moment.

One moment I am thinking to myself:

“Wow, I am the man! I got this beautiful girl to like me and I think this could become something special in the future.”

And then the next I am thinking:

“What the heck is going on? Why won’t she respond to my text messages? Man… I really liked her too. I guess she doesn’t feel the same.. :(“

You see, it is the fear of loss that makes men like a woman more. If you are able to lull a men into a sense of false security where he is hopeful for the future and can see happiness with you and then you sweep the rug out from under him something amazing happens. Instead of walking home depressed and with his tail between his legs, you sweeping the rug out from under his feet will create this sense that he lost something and this sense makes a man realize how much he really liked you in the first place.

Now, how does any of this tie into the no contact rule and regret?

Well, a lot of it works the same way. You dated this person so you already have history with them. You have already gotten them hooked at one point. Think of the no contact rule as a way to “sweep the rug out.” Most men will believe that they will always have you in their back pocket for advice, help or someone to lean on in the hard times. However, during NC they begin to realize that this isn’t the case and it’s that fear of loss that creates regret within them.

The Second Front

When I started this section I talked about how the no contact rule can work on two fronts to incite regret.

To recap, the first front had all to do with the fear of loss creating that regret. In other words, as long as you do the no contact rule with no breaks it should stir up some type of regret within your ex boyfriend. The second front is a little bit different.

The second front has to do with taking matters into your own hands and improving yourself.

A while ago what did I say the key was to making your boyfriend regret letting you go?

“You need to become someone worth regretting.”

Right now you are not.

I see too many women making the mistake of doing nothing during the no contact rule. When I first started this site I was a little afraid to speak up and hurt your feelings so I let it slide but I am not like that anymore. To be quite honest I don’t care what you think of me. I am just going to be flat out honest with you and tell you how it is.

Getting an ex boyfriend back is hard work and most of the women who fail on here fail because they are lazy.

Look, you can’t expect to just do the no contact rule and wake up one day to have him at your doorstep. No, you have to be proactive during the no contact period.

In other words, you need to use that time of solitude to become someone that he will regret.

  • Be happy.
  • Enjoy life.
  • Try new things.
  • Become more confident with who you are.
  • Get in shape.
  • Become more intelligent than you already are.

Remember, life starts at the end of your comfort zone so it is time to step outside the comfort zone and make yourself into the best version of you that has ever existed.

Why Your Ex May Not Regret Letting You Go Right Now

I regret nothing

Here is a scary fact. There are things that you can do that can cause an ex boyfriend to NOT regret letting you go.

So far, this whole guide has been about one thing, making an ex boyfriend regret his decision to leave your relationship. While there is still a lot more to cover on that subject I think it can speak volumes to look at some of the most common mistakes people make.

Below I have listed THE biggest offense I see occurring on a daily basis.  So while you are engaged in the No Contact period, please avoid doing what you are thinking of doing almost every day!

Texting Or Calling Incessantly

(I talk about this section exclusively in my book, The Texting Bible.)

Nothing spells desperation to a guy more than a girl texting or calling non stop.

But why?

Why is this such a grave mistake? It’s not like you are doing anything too crazy like throwing a rock through his house window. I mean, you are just calling or texting him too much.

Many of you probably think I am going to give this huge monologue on power and how you must always have the upper hand but I promise that this isn’t a mistake because of not having the power. Since we are dealing with your ex boyfriend the circumstances are changed a little bit.

I want you to think back to your relationship.

Now, I know the two of you are broken up right now but if you think back to your relationship were you constantly talking his ear off? Were you calling him way too much? Were you a little too much for him to handle at times? Were you needy?

If you were then more often than not it is going to rub your ex the wrong way. I am not saying that this was the reason he broke up with you but it was an annoyance that factored into his decision.

Now, lets fast forward to the present where you are bombarding him with text messages and calls. You may feel something inside of you that tells you to talk to him because he is your “best friend” right? And god forbid you can’t lose your “best friend” no matter what.

NEWSFLASH..

With every text or call bombardment by you, you are further cementing his position that he is glad that the two of you don’t date anymore. I mean, look at it from his perspective. When the two of you were first dating he was probably on the edge of his seat for every text response. However, somewhere along the way it changed and he started getting annoyed with all the attention he was getting. This change is part of what you are trying to combat with the no contact rule.

However, every time you break no contact to selfishly feel better just to talk to him you could be damaging your chances at making him truly regret letting you go.

Pillar 4: How Psychology Can Make Any Man Regret Letting You Go

don't leave me

Here it is!

This is the moment you have all been waiting for. In this section I am going to teach you about a really important Pillar that is always working in the background and it is probably the thing that will influence your boyfriend’s feelings of regret the most!

Now, before I get started I am going to give my customary pep talk.

The stuff I talk about beyond this point is not meant to be easy to pull off. Believe me, if it was easy then every broken hearted girl would have the ability to wrap a man around her finger. With this in mind you are going to have accept that fact that you may have to make some major changes and put in some major work.

If you can’t do that then I am sorry but the probability of you making an ex regret leaving you isn’t going to be high. However, if you are willing to put in the work then I assure you that you are going to put yourself in the best position to get an opportunity to win him back. I can’t promise that you will succeed but I can promise to raise your chances substantially.

Lets get to the good stuff!

The Truth About Making Any Man Fall For You

yoda_unlearning

For this little section I am going to grant you full access into my mind.

Essentially what I would like to do is give you the blueprint to seduce me. Yes, I am going to literally tell you how you need to interact with me in order to get me to fall for you. Oh, and this is guaranteed to work on your ex if you can pull it off.

That’s the catch though. It is not easy to pull off.

Starting this website has been both a blessing and a curse for me personally.

While it has opened up my life in many different ways it has also forced me to dissect every little thing that happens in my personal life. For example, if I really like someone I try to figure out exactly what they did to make me like them. After a while I started to become hyper aware of these trends that women do during interactions that work almost every single time. The scary part is that while I know its happening it still works… every single time.

Now, you are probably thinking:

“AWESOME”

But for me it is literally like torture because I know whats happening while its happening and I can’t do anything about it. Yet at the same time I want it to happen because of the way it makes me feel.

So, what are these trends exactly?

Lets start with a blank slate and use you and I as examples.

Let’s pretend that we are at a party and you catch my eye from across the room. Now, I do feel it is important to hit the pause button here so I can explain exactly why I chose to use an example of us meeting for the first time. The reason I did this as opposed to using one where the two of us are imaginary exes is that I want you to grasp the concept first. Don’t worry, I am going to be tweaking the “trend” so that it fits into making your ex regret leaving you go but I figure the best way to help you understand this is to start with a blank slate.

So, where were we?

Oh yes, you caught my eye from across the room. Let’s say that the two of us found each other attractive, we talked for a few hours and exchanged numbers so we can stay in touch. This is where the work really begins for you. While the texting between the two of us commences we are going to have a long conversation. It is going to be deep and insightful. You know, a basic “get to know you” type of texting conversation. If you did this right I will definitely want to come back for more. So, maybe the next day I decide to send you a text to say hello hoping to have another amazing deep and insightful conversation. Only this time instead of responding immediately you wait a few hours to respond.

Because you waited so long to respond I was constantly checking my phone for your response. This is a really good sign because any time that you can get a guy to check his phone for a response it means that you have value to him in someway.

When you finally do respond you want to spread out your text messages. After I respond to one of your text messages you wait about 10 minutes to respond to mine. The point of this is to not seem too available. How do you do that? Well, with the fear of loss of course.

Can you imagine what would happen if you got a guy used to a certain schedule when it comes to texting you and all of a sudden you interrupted that schedule? For example, lets say that I was used to texting you every day throughout the day. Well, what if one day you just ignored me for half a day before you responded to me? I guarantee you that since we were still in the “talking phase” I would be thinking to myself:

“Well, that was nice while it lasted..”

or

“Why does this always happen to me? Every time I feel I have a connection with someone the girl just suddenly loses interest.”

The second a guy feels that he has something to lose (which would be you in this case) is the second he realizes just how much he cares for that something or someone ;).

I guess the ultimate trend is that you have to have moments where you are very available to a guy and then suddenly become unavailable and then swing back to available and then back to unavailable and so on and so forth. I know it is a messed up game to play but it’s worked on me every single time and its worked on billions of other men too.

Oh, I almost forgot..

Another really clever thing I have seen women use is something I like to call “daydream bait.” It is basically a text that causes the guy to have a daydream about a future experience with you in it.

I will talk more about those in the next section. Actually, lets move on so we can see how we can apply this new found trend to your ex boyfriend.

How Do You Apply This To Your Ex Boyfriend?

dis gon be good

I guess the question on the table right now is how do you implement this trend to re-attract your ex boyfriend?

It’s a tricky question because right now you and your ex probably aren’t on the best of terms. So, why in the world would he regret letting you go?

I would like you to take a moment and revisit the section I wrote about on the no contact rule and how it can help you. One of the hidden aspects of the no contact rule is the fact that it allows you to ramp up the tension. In other words, your ex boyfriend is almost expecting you to become annoying and beg him to take you back at some point.

So, when he sees that the opposite is happening, you ignoring him, he begins to get antsy and may even want you to message him a little bit. All of this is happen without your full knowledge and awareness because of a powerful, yet natural behavior men and women exhibit when they are deprived of something that was such a big part of the routines of their life.

In this case, it’s you that he is deprived of because you have been practicing the No Contact Rule. The psychological principle that is work is referred to as Psychological Reactance.  Men are often drawn to reclaim that which was something they use to have and consider a freedom.

Once your ex boyfriend was free to call and talk to you.  Once he was free to text back and forth with you and hold you and kiss you. You get the picture.  Now that has been taken away. Perhaps by his own doing, but that doesn’t usually stop this invisible force that acts upon his psyche.

You want all these things  to happen because if he gets antsy about you contacting him it means he wants it to happen deep down and that is where his true regrets for what he did to cause this breakup will emerge.  It might take a while for him to get there, but that is how regret often come into play.  It happens over time in small ways.

The focus of this Guide is to make him regret letting you go. So, after the no contact rule is completed I would like you to do the following.

(Remember: The point of this is to achieve that available/unavailability trend that I talked about above.)

The First Text You Send After No Contact Can Cause Your Ex Boyfriend To Experience Those Breakup Regrets Even More!

The idea here is to simply get a response and hook him in.

Now, if you refer to the section above you would notice that usually the first texting conversation between two people who like each other is long and “deep.” Since this is your ex we are talking about here you won’t have to do that. I am sure the two of you have had plenty of good in-depth conversations before.

So, the goal of this isn’t to engage your ex in a super long conversation. It is to open the lines of communication and leave him wanting more.

I would recommend a pretty simple text message like this to start off with:

dairy queen text

(For more example texts please check out The Texting Bible.)

After you send this text you will hopefully get a response.

So, the question you are probably wondering is “what now?”

Well, now you engage him in a friendly conversation that leaves him wanting more. The conversation has to be short but pack a punch. You want him to wake up the next day and be checking his phone every five seconds hoping that you will text him.

So, Do You Message Him The Next Day?

Nope!

Remember, the point of this is to spread your interactions out so you leave him wanting more. Well, you can’t leave your ex boyfriend wanting more if he knows he can have you all the time. So, the day after your initial first communication (which wasn’t supposed to last all that long) I want you to enter into a full no contact mode for a day.

It is going to take some self restraint on your part but trust me you can do it.

A Word On The Overall Theory

Before I continue I feel there is an important matter to discuss.

One of the biggest mistakes I see women make after the no contact rule is going from zero to sixty way too fast.

What do I mean by that?

Imagine for a moment that you were trying to get me back. Right after the no contact rule you text me and I text you back. Now, you have waited 30 days for this moment and now that it is finally here you just let loose and we talk all day long.

This is a mistake because it doesn’t really allow you to be unavailable.

Yes, the ultimate goal we are trying to achieve here is to put you in a position where you and your ex can chat all day long without a hiccup. However, it is more powerful if you do it the way I am trying to show you as opposed to doing it right out of the gate.

So, the smartest way is to slowly work your way to a point where you can talk for a long period of time throughout the day.

Every interaction you have with your ex slowly extends until you hit the point where the two of you can text or call each other frequently (like you were dating again.)

BUT if you reach this point without doing the (available/unavailable) trend that I keep going on and on about you are going to find yourself friend zoned as opposed to being his girlfriend again.

Daydream Bait Can Tap Into Your Ex Boyfriend’s Feelings of Remorse and Desires To Be With You

Throughout this site I have talked about the power of daydreams.

I am a guy so I can tell you that most men daydream and usually when we really daydream about a girl we like it can be a powerful way of igniting our true feelings for that girl.

Let me give you an example. If I go on a date with a girl I like and I am so enthralled about my dating experience with that girl that I daydream about her when I am trying to fall asleep then that is a really good sign for her because it means that the next day I am going to wake up and the first thing I think of will be her.

One of the most powerful ways you can re-ignite your exes feelings for you is through the power of daydreams.

Or more specifically, through the use of a properly placed daydream bait.

Have you ever been fishing before?

Well, the concept of fishing is really simple. You get a fishing pole, put some bait on a line and then you cast that line into the water in the hopes that a fish will bite the bait and get hooked on your line. Well, the fishing analogy holds true to what you are going to be trying to do with daydream bait.

In other words, you are going to cast your daydream bait out there and hope he bites the line and starts daydreaming about a future with you and him in it.

(IMPORTANT- The key to a good daydream bait is all about timing and knowing if it is the right time to “cast the line.” For example, it wouldn’t be a good idea to use the daydream bait at the beginning of this process. Rather, it would be smarter to use it when both you and your ex feel comfortable talking to each other and there is no awkwardness between the two of you.)

Lets look at an example of a good use of daydream bait.

daydream bait

(Again, find more examples with The Texting Bible.)

There are a few things that I would like you to notice here.

The daydream that someone would want their ex boyfriend to daydream about if they were to use this particular text should be a romantic getaway in Hawaii. Notice how it is not specified if it is you or your ex who will be taking this trip to Hawaii. The idea behind this is to make your ex fill in the blanks and insert you and him in them.

Also, take note of the use of the word “dream.” This almost screams to him to DAYDREAM.

Pillar 5: The Power Of Leaving Him Wanting More

If you don’t leave your ex boyfriend wanting more during an interaction with him then that interaction should be viewed as a failure.

You can do this in all sorts of ways.  Over the phone…in a text message….even in the middle of a casual date.  I want you to think of leaving your ex boyfriend a trail of breadcrumbs that lead back to you.

Every time he picks up one, his feeling of regret for ever letting you go increases.  You want your ex boyfriend’s sorrows for having parted ways with you in the past to leave him with an emptiness.

You want him to relive those poor past decisions and regret ignoring or hurting you or not choosing you over the other girl he cheated with.

How do you leave someone wanting more?

Well, the idea is to really get them hooked into what you are saying and then all of a sudden end the conversation….

Boom…just as I demonstrated!

1,730 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Letting You Go”

  1. Avatar

    Sara

    November 19, 2019 at 11:24 am

    Hey
    I am 21 I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for 3.5 (He is also 21). We’ve been living together at his parents house for a year and a half.
    Last week we were having a fight and afterwards he told me Something very disturbing. For a time now he had been thinking about the fact that he feels like we’re very young and going to a very serious place. He doesn’t feel experienced enough and wants to experience more. We took a week to think it through in which we didn’t speak at all and I was staying at my parents.Two days ago we met and he broke up with me. He cried a lot and told me that he loves me and feels like he is going to regret this decision. Right now I’m living with my parents but all of my belongings are at his place. I feel like he put me in a position in which he gave me a lot of hope for a future together (he kept telling me he can’t ask me to wait for him but he’s gonna try…)
    I don’t know how to physically take my stuff out (text him / just come in, with him in the house or not)
    Can no contact work here? What should I do?
    Would appreciate any help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2019 at 10:40 pm

      Hi Sara, so you do need to get your belongings obviously to live. So you can text and ask when is appropriate for you to collect your belongings, go to get them do not have a relationship or break up conversation with him. Pack and leave. Complete the rest of your NC without speaking with him. This interaction is called limited NC where you are only speaking to him to get your belongings and after that you go back to ignoring him if he is to reach out to you at all over the next 30 days

  2. Avatar

    Mary

    November 12, 2019 at 3:30 pm

    Hi! I need a quick assistance for my situation. Three months ago I went to a party and I met this guy. From the begging there was huge intimacy by his side, but a friend of mine who new the guy told me to back off because he is a f** guy. However, I am not a person who listens what other people say, and therefore I decided to give a chance to the guy. He was really into me, he was complementing me, we were going on day-trips, we were sleeping together etc. On the third week that we were dating (btw he told me we that we were a couple), he ‘confessed’ to me that every week he is going to a psychologist because he has issues with his relationships with other people. In particular, he told me that he comes really close to women from the begging, something that it is his fault, but when they start doing the same, he freaks out and he thinks that they invade to his private life or something. At that point I felt relieved that he said something like this to me, because he added that he cares about me and he doesn’t want to do something wrong, and he works things inside him. So everything was keep going well. At the time that we were dating he was trying to find a new place to stay, and I was truly helpful with everything, and all the time it was my phone ringing to listen all his concerns etc. Nevertheless, one day, after going with him for shopping for his new house, we were out eating and he told me: ‘I believe that relationships have an expiration date’. As you can understand i felt really frustrated since how is it possible to talk to me like this while I have done so much things for him. I didn’t say something, but he understood that I didn’t like what i heard and he tried to manipulate me by saying ‘I wish I didn’t say anything like this, and i meant like everything has an end but this end is not now, it can be tomorrow, in 10 days, or in 20 years’. Anyways, I was so in love that I was keep doing things in order to show him that nothing will end soon and i care about him. However, one day I had these weird vibes and we had a small dispute, but after-all we were good and we solve it. The next day after the dispute everything was fine, but i was keep thinking the fight and I thought that I was overreacting a bit and around 9 p.m. I texted him I am sorry for yesterday etc. (please note that all this time that we were together sometimes he was anxious about things from work etc. and he was thinking that maybe he was harsh with his words on me so he was texting me to apologize and that’s why I thought that it can be a good idea to apologize from my side). As i mentioned I texted him at 9pm and until 12am I didn’t receive any response! I got super mad, and I called him. I told him that i feel that i am doing things all the time and you don’t appreciate them, I said that about the expiration date thing and the fact that I feel we are like in the grey zone or something. I felt out of my league, it was not me talking, but I really needed to say those things!! To be honest I regret nothing. I asked him that if he doesn’t want to be with me, he just need to say it and don’t put me in this position of wondering. He said not… Anyways, the following day the result was, that classic story of I need some time on my own..He didn’t even try to talk with me about what happened. Three days after our break up he contacted me at 1am to ask me If I finished the show (horror) that we were watching together. I replied no, because i didn’t remember at which episode we stopped, and he said to watch it and then contact him to say my impressions. I replied I don’t watch horror on my own and he said ‘I am going to give you my cat to keep you company’. After that I got confused and I didn’t reply. All these since the break up happened 4 weeks ago. I didn’t contact him, but i heard that all of his friends tried to make him think logically because he reacted as a child. Anyways, all this time i was keep thinking about what to do. It is not that we knew each other for a long time but as a short-term relationship I feel like I need to talk to him because I did not do anything all that time. I felt like I said ok to something I didn’t want to happen, like I don’t have feelings or something. So, two days ago I texted him that I want to talk to him in person. And his response: ‘Did you watch the show???’ , WTF!!! I said nope and he saw that I was serious and we schedule to meet tomorrow. Yesterday, he sent me a video with parrots (my favorite animal) and I replied ‘nice’. I am so confused right now about seeing him. I want to say all these things and make him regret of what he did, but I feel like it is not going to work. I feel like he plays with me, or I don’t know. I am not going to act needy because I know myself, but do you have any tips to be to the point and without him trying to manipulate me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 9:38 pm

      So when you meet up you need to go knowing what you want to say, and say it. But most importantly you need to mean what you say, and say what you mean. Dont tell him you want a relationship and then agree to just dating. Personally I wouldnt sleep with someone unless they are in a committed relationship otherwise you end up with situations like yours where you are wating more of a commitment when he is ready to walk way at the first hurdle. Good luck with your meet up

  3. Avatar

    Klara

    October 21, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    I will try explain everything the best I can. I was with my bf more than 3 years, we really quick fall for each other and we were spending a lotttt of time together. The thing is I had different beliefs at tht time left from my organisation but I never said that I won’t come back. I did not have any contact with my family. I was happy but everything was about his family, but don’t get me wrong I didn’t mind it, they were lovely and took me like they own. At some point we were living with his mum saving for deposit for the house because we were planning to buy it. With time I felt lonely because he had actually everything his family around him, me love of his life, during them 3 years I was getting emotional sometimes because I was missing my family on being in my religion he was there for me but then I was okay and we ‘moved on’. I started talking about it more and more but to get back to my religion I needed to get married. So finally we needed to do something, I don’t think that was selfish I just wanted to have my closest in my life to however I do believe what my religion says too. So that how it started. He said that he can’t see that will work out, that will devide us, because I wouldn’t be allowed to be on his for example bank holidays or birthdays parties. I think I sacrificed a lot for them 3 years nobody asked me to do it I wanted to because I loved him, but I have different point of view on different aspects of life and I was hoping we could make it work. He can see as breaking up after some time and he can’t think otherwise, he wanted me to stay but on his terms, so I will have to bail on my family and religion permanently. But at the same time he said he wants me to be happy and fulfil my life as I want without him interrupting. I moved out almost 2 months ago, during that time we were talking he is broken hearted same me, I miss him, I cannot eat sleep, constantly thinking of him how to fix the situation, but I can’t give everything up for someone who isn’t willing to sacrifice anything.. He text me, I was seeing him too few times, he stayed over but after was the same story we cannot be together because that won’t work, his mum hates my religion too, think that they have bigger impact on him that I though… I don’t know what to do, seen him week ago since then is silence. But he isn’t right about that it won’t work for 100% … what to do ?! I know he will regret it and I know I won’t find anyone like him, our relationship was perfect, no big arguments, we were literally like soulmates.would you advice anything?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 21, 2019 at 8:16 pm

      Hi Klara my advise is to read and read and read everything that applies to you through our articles and you need to complete a proper no contact where you do not have any interaction. Working on yourself to become Ungettable and making sure that when you reach out to him in 30 days time you are the best version of yourself and so happy with your life that he cant help but notice you are doing so great with out him he will want to know whats new with you

  4. Avatar

    Faye Buxton

    September 10, 2019 at 9:41 am

    Hi, Super helpful and indepth article, thanks.

    I got together with a coworker about a year ago. Things were great and I know he saw me as very high value, I’m attractive & very successful for my age (I’m 10 years younger) he was constantly complimenting me.

    I had planned a three month trip way before we got serious, he came out to visit 3 times, told me he loved me, then out of the blue he ended things with me – via text – a week before my birthday.

    I was heartbroken, and tried to reason with him as he claimed to still love me & want more than anything to make it work, but he just couldnt see a way… I was upset (not how I would usually react) and said how I would miss him and how I couldnt bare the thought of not getting goodmorning texts etc. and having to see him around the office every day after this. He was cold and didn’t seem to care, said we could still try and be friends – I was quite pathetic in how sad I was in that moment….

    Luckily, I was going to my dream destination a few days later for my bday. The day after we split, he messaged me saying have a good trip, do everything you ever dreamed of blah blah blah. I said thanks.

    He then fb messaged me almost a week later, a selfie of him and a relative saying hi from blah blah blah. I didnt open it nor reply. That was almost a month ago. He hasnt reached out again, but will occasionally like things on my story etc.

    I’m going back to work next week and will have no choice but to face him, what is the best way to do this? Ty in advance, F.

    1. Shaunna

      Shaunna

      September 12, 2019 at 9:01 pm

      Hi Faye, look up Limited No Contact, this is the best way, stay professional but don’t make small talk or let him keep you talking for long

  5. Avatar

    Sarah Aradu

    July 1, 2019 at 10:46 pm

    Hi I need serious help.

    So I was best friends with a guy for a whole year (very platonic) and he was dating one of my friends for about 7-8 months and sort of got serious. Very solid friendship. Shared background. Shared hobbies. Like we really understood each other. I trusted him so much. We cared about each other. It was one or the cleanest best friendships I had. Anyway, they split up over the summer and I started developing a little bit of feelings for him but never let on. They were sort of on and off but it seemed like she was just toying with him, giving him false hope, and using him as emotional support, so he ended things. Around that time, I started noticing little differences in our friendship such as him saying kind words, him looking at my pictures, and him just staring at me multiple times. I got confused because I started feeling reciprocal feelings but waited a bit – it was very on and off for me. Finally, about a month or two after he completely ended things with her I asked him he said yes and I told him I felt the same way but was not prepared for a relationship. Except we did not do the best at staying friends and I think that was more on him than me. I also was genuinely ridiculously unprepared and started feeling unsure and confused and getting very stressed about the whole ordeal. In my culture, we date to marry and I was not ready to make those sort of decisions. And no one could know especially not our friend because we obviously did not want to go hurting her or deciding anything until we had an actual relationship. It was a “potential.”

    It started off amazing, but towards the end, I turned into a bit of a disaster. I have always had anxiety but it ran wild and I got nauseous and vomited and stressed and everything else over and over and over again. Except this time the stressor was him. I told him about how unsure I was. I was way too available. I cried every other day. Ridiculously attached and clingy. Not to an extreme but getting there. Throughout the process he was very kind and nice but probably got fed up.

    But the thing he complained the most about was being used as an emotional support with the other girl and before I realized it, I was doing the same. I have never acted that way before with anyone and had never even had romantic feelings before so they came in a rush and I honestly had no clue what I was doing and that it was pushing him away. I was living in my own head.

    Not to say we did not have our moments. On his birthday he cried because of the card I made him. There was a bit of intimacy that should not have occurred but was lovely. So many small little things like walmart trips and certain brands of chips and whatnot but I was very up and down. I think he had described it as like ranging from 0-10 (10 being the happiest) I stuck around in the lower range but could have my peaks.

    As everything is, this was not just on me. So in February, his ex girlfriend called him up crying and it turns out he messed around with another girl before making things official at the beginning of college. But after it got official he was very faithful the whole time. It messed me up because that was not the guy I thought he was but he said he changed and he is changing etc. I was quite confused as to why she even cared at this point but told him to apologize properly again and again. She told him she never wanted to speak to him again. I probably should have never recommended that apology…. because….

    As things between us worsened, I noticed him getting a couple texts from her and I told him I was glad he was sorting things out. I don’t know why exactly I was so naive to the concept of if they spend more time they can redevelop feelings for each other.

    Anyhow towards the end of the semester, she randomly came at us as we were walking down a street. Apparently, he had been apologizing or just hanging out and she threatened him or took his phone from his hand when he hid his texts. He did not think it was “serious” because the last few texts we sent were fully platonic so he let her see them and she scrolled all the way up to find something slightly flirty that I had sent. From there she kept accusing or threatening him and he spilled that I had told him about all of this etc. She then told me that she would not consider a relationship with him but I should back off told him he still loved her and a bunch of other insane things to me. It got very messy. Of course I don’t know how much of the events are actually true or whether he had started leading her on. When I confronted him about it, he was sort of a mess. But apparently he cleaned up his act and told her like this is what I see out of our relationship then she came by my dorm and bombarded me and she was pretty unmanageable so I did see where he was coming from. She made me promise I would not see him for a week… and it was finals and I did not want anyone failing their finals so I agreed to leave the situation but I started seeing him and I still feel extremely horrible about that.

    So all of this induced more and more stress and I freaked out that I would fail finals so I told him we should start hugging again and he complied. But now it was very much me being available and me asking for him and me being needy and clingy. Although when we did get intimate, he did not want to let me go etc. On our last day we had an intimate moment in the car and he told me he loved me but we had told the girl we were just staying friends so I did not say it back. Then he said your supposed to be saying something now and I said it back.

    It was very nice so me being me I approached the other girl and apologized again for hurting her feelings hoping we could all just stay friends. It somehow got very ugly very quick and I had an utmost freak out. Vomiting. Anxiety. Through the night. It was bad.

    I told him about it and he was like I know I induce these sort of things we should chill. I don’t want to consider things and take a mental pause period. This is when I freaked out more and more and more and oof it was ugly. I told him he broke my heart. I told him I felt like a rebound because when his ex got involved we lost the potential. I asked why the hell she even had a say and why he said all that in the first place knowing how important it was for me to keep things private. I told him I felt very insecure about his feelings for me. Bombardments of texts with minimal replies. Then I suddenly got nice. It was a range. I felt very out of control so I started seeing a therapist. During this process he told me he loved me again at some point.

    Then I flipped a switch calmed down with the texts turned positive and he started texting me one day and for me this seemed very out of the blue but he was essentially saying he was unsure from the start but I never let on sent some weird video about what love is and isn’t and tried to end the potential. This was a complete shock to me because he was the one telling me he loved me a week before so I of course was like wth what are you saying this is invalidating everything asking for another chance. I spent a week just snapping him and we continued and then I asked to have another talk and in this one he started claiming it was because of all the negative events that outweighed the positive – very fair but I said that I had been unprepared from the start, this was my worst anxiety phase I had experienced, the initial compatibility still stands, and all the circumstances were very horrible for me. I was certainly not ready to deal with his ex/my friend. We had another phone call and it switched to me having these personality traits he would not name for which he was unsure about from the start.

    Except the whole time he had told me he was sure and that his only requirement was someone that made him happy. And I was always telling him I did not know what I wanted never having considered this before. And just felt very unprepared and confused.

    So I cannot tell if it was me that induced this end of the potential or his involvement with his ex. I can tell two different tales one in which its on me or one in which its on him.

    On my end, I don’t know why I ever acted like that. I truly had no clue I was acting in such a negative way and when he ended things it sort of clicked. At the end I was practically begging to stay friends and he was doing nothing to salvage anything. But also occasionally trying to get a reaction out of me with snaps. I think thats when I was done.

    If I had any clue I would have lost such a good friend I would not have said something. And burning that bridge with the other girl was completely unnecessary. I cut contact completely for the past three weeks but I have not yet stopped thinking about him and becoming the un-gettable girl. I started posting on social media more often but its honestly for the sole purpose of him noticing.

    I see the potential outcome of him being the dick who used his best friend as a rebound and went back to chasing his ex and it truly devastates me. But I also don’t think he is that type of person but I don’t know. Time will tell.

    If he broke up with me because of my behavior I don’t really blame him but it just hurts that I was never told this was going bad and that I was not given a proper shot. I would have done my best to do a 360 and I think I could have. I don’t think he really came to a conclusion as to why he broke up to be honest.

    I want to extend the no contact so I can start becoming the ungettable girl which I will be attempting soon but Im terrified he will go back to his ex by them and I will have been the rebound. I also acted pretty bad but it was always out of kindness and extreme care so it really feels like he could have ended things slightly better than over text in that way. Im still angry and hurt over that.

    In terms of whether I even want a relationship Im not too sure but I do desperately want him to regret what he missed.

    And part of me really thinks he wont go chasing after his ex because they broke up for a serious reason. His ex is a big intellectual and he is the sheer opposite. They have different aspirations and want different things from life. She never respected him or his opinions. With us it was very different. I just acted like a naive idiot.

    Oh and in the 3 weeks, he sent me a snap I did not open. He sent me a response to my story which I did not respond to. He also sent me a question mark so I sent one back. He said long time no speak and I told him I needed space and time to which he said I respect that and understand yada yada.

    I think he might be a great guy (culturally he is one of the few options). We had a ton in common and so many long joyful conversations. But I also realize he could be a dick and I honestly don’t know how to interpret things. So I don’t know what to do. Whether to extend no contact or initiate contact with a bit of fakeness to make sure he does not go after his ex. Or leave him be and see that he does. I dont know how much to blame him if he does. I really was acting pretty horrible 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 2, 2019 at 3:08 am

      Hi Sarah….well that is quite some story. A lot going on. I can see you have been thru a lot. I do think NC was the right move. I would not try to return to the relationship with a little fakeness. Better to try to re-start things with all the right intentions – but only if you are ready. If you extend it a bit, I wouldn’t add more than a couple of weeks to it. There comes a time when we reach the crossroads and then we need to act. We have to choose. NC is intended to give you the time and space to have the perspective to determine what the correct path is. You will know more when you eventually begin the process of re-connecting with him. But you won’t know all at once because the re-connection process should not be hurried. Little steps….little moves.

  6. Avatar

    Jill

    May 25, 2019 at 3:56 am

    My ex fiance left me for another woman. Last time I spoke to him it was to let him know that I knew about their affair. I did everything for him and he still left me. Is there even a chance this can be fixed?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 25, 2019 at 10:50 pm

      Hi Jill…it would seem to me a reasonable course of action would be to implement the NC rule. There are many elements to it and benefits as well, both from the personal recovery end as well as exploring possibly coming back together. Though it’s a lot to discuss, hence I put it all down in a resource (EBR PRO Bundle), so give it a look.

  7. Avatar

    Jay R

    April 3, 2019 at 2:56 pm

    Hi Mr. Seiter,

    My boyfriend and I were together for 4 months (long distance). We met several times, took trips, everything was great. I asked him 3 different times to define our relationship and he just kept saying “I’m enjoying getting to know you but I need to spend more time with you in person.” Well after the third time that I asked him to define the relationship, he said he only saw me as a friend. I was devastated, became a texting gnat, cried, begged, etc. I then told him that I cannot be his friend, apologized for my behavior, and went into no contact. I’m 7 days away from completing the no contact. He’s liked 3 of my pictures on Instagram in the past week. I’ve noticed that he hasn’t posted a pic of his face in exactly 4 weeks, and I’ve posted several pics of myself smiling and hanging with friends, doing archery, etc. Is the no contact working on him? Could this be a sign that it’s tough for him to see me being happy after the breakup?

  8. Avatar

    Edwin

    March 8, 2019 at 1:03 am

    Hi Chriss
    My boyfrıend and ı (ım 36 he is 40 )have a long distance relation for over 2 years.we were the happiest couple and making future plans of marriage he cerated everything this november when his job settles.ı also help him with work a lot. 4 weeks ago surprısıngly ı got pregnant and once he learned this he completely changed.ı went to visit him to talk and find a way why he changed this much he was the one planning a family and kids with me.after huge fıghts he pressuring me ı abort my baby. I stayed one more week wıth hım to heal he treat me very badly.ı begged hım cried a lot ı need hım very much ın thıs senstive situation.the times ı was not talking or crying he was holding my hand and be civil with me when ı start crying he starts yelling at me telling ım forcing him. Now ım back 3 days.he texts me lıke everything is normal .ı dont know what is happening.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 8, 2019 at 2:37 am

      Hi there…so him yelling is abusive. Maybe you need to take a break for yourself to think about how he is treating you.

  9. Avatar

    Sarah

    February 15, 2019 at 3:29 pm

    Hey Chris,
    Ex of a 1.5 years(I’m 34 he’s 31) and I had a fairy tale romance we met in mexico both on separate vacations. he lives cross country from me. He pursued me, and we started texting/calling etc. eventually I flew to visit him it was incredible. So much love back and forth (many flights over 100k miles). I flew to England to meet his family, he wrote me love letters telling me he wanted me to be his wife etc etc. Anyhow you get the picture, he scrapbooked our life together (no joke including sand from mexico when we met). Anyhow he eventually moved to live with me cross country 6 months later.

    It was good the first few months but he is a big Alpha male and it really bothered him that he was living in my home and I was paying the bills etc. We are very unequal in successes. I am very established in my career and hes a server at a bar. I believe he had a bit of a freak out when he got here but never communicated it I mean he had promised me a life, kids, marriage etc and i feel he felt he couldn’t deliver or be my equal. Though all i ever wanted was him. There was no inequality too much in my eyes cuz he was giving me what I needed emotionally and i’ve never had someone love me so much.

    He was working in a bar and started staying out really late drinking, basically avoiding coming home again no communication with me with what was bothering him. We have always got along so well we never fight. He told me every day he loves me etc.

    But he said he lost attraction to me. Now don’t wanna toot my own horn but i’m like a 9/10 on the hotness scale and super successful. He loved this about me in the beginning (he was sooo proud to show me off I’m talking like hundreds of photos of us on social media) but once things got real i feel he almost self reflected and felt it emasculated him.

    One day he just came home drunk and said “its never gonna change the feeling i have right now.” This was 2 weeks before our vacation fully paid etc. We went on the vacation together but he was very cold and wouldn’t let me get anywhere near him and pushed me away cuz now we are “friends”.

    He moved out when we got home with a 24 year old male roommate at the bar cuz he wants to run away and be “single.”

    I just don’t get it how does someone move cross country, promise kids, marriage etc, send me countless love letters that are SOO deep. Tell me I’m the hottest woman ever in his bed to suddenly(or within a short time) tell me hes no longer attracted to me but still loves me.

    He keeps telling me he “doesn’t want to lose me”.I tried N/C as soon as he was out of the house this last week. He sent a ton of messages basically just trying to talk, “are you ok?”, “I’m sorry i hurt you I wish things could be different”etc etc. I was trying to be strong. He left his laptop at the house and finally asked for it specifically i had to break the N/C told him to use the spare key to get it.

    He called while at the house (i thought he was locked out) so i answered but didn’t want to. He tried talking to me like everything was normal, then he said “I really don’t wan’t to lose you.” i lost it and started crying and had to hang up.

    He insists I’ve done nothing wrong at all (honestly I haven’t changed).

    1) How does someone go from being SOOO hot, heavy, planning a future etc to doing something like this ?

    2) If the attraction was there can I get it back? I really struggle with this one he’s certainly gave me a complex on this as I know I’m attractive and he’s only maybe a 6/10. But I guess I feel like jeeze you say yourself you had something amazing why would you run from it??

    3) I’m assuming I go back to N/C as of course being his friend is not what I want. And what kind of “friend” would i be anyhow? Certainly not one who’s gonna be happy hearing about his latest new pick up. I have a feeling he wants to have his cake and eat it too or go play around cuz he thinks the grass is greener in single town and hope I’ll be there when he figures it out.

    Regardless I’m shattered I’ve always been so strong and now I have collapsed.
    I still love the heck out of the man.

    I keep getting feedback from people when they hear we broke up…”Oh but you guys were perfect, what happened? Didn’t he move here for you I thought you were going to get married?” UGGG

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 16, 2019 at 12:45 am

      Hi Sarah!

      Some guys are just foolish and immature or scare or insecure or a combination of these things.Seems like he sees your value as high and a steady course of No Contact may help him realize that he is blowing it. I hope you have my Program is it will walk you through this post breakup process!

  10. Avatar

    Zai

    January 5, 2019 at 9:20 am

    Hi Chris,
    So I had a lond distance relationship. We met online after few days of talking hours of face time he officially asks me to be his girl and I said yes. We planned on meeting each other and after 2 monthshe visited me. We spent 2 weeks together and it was amazing and I can see it in his eyes as well that he was happy. When he went back home,things get a bit rough,he said he is not sure if I am the one he wants to spend the rest of his life (he cried seeing me crying coz he is also hurting seeing me hurt). I told him to rethink since the relationship is too early to decide. I gave him space just for 2 days and we then talked. He was sorry and promised to be the kind of guy I deserve. After a month, I break his rule not to call him without sending him a message and he just blew it off saying he think that things won’t work out between us. I just said okay and instantly deleted his photos in my social media and told him to block me. My photos are still in his fb account and unfriended me instead of blocking me. We are now in a week of NC. Is there a chance?

  11. Avatar

    Jodie Taylor

    November 30, 2018 at 10:16 pm

    Hi Chris how does this apply if you have children? Can’t really do the no contact rule as constantly in contact with him to do with our child!
    My ex broke up with me 2 months ago! After a month he came back saying he regrets everything and wants me back .. we gave it a go and then 2 weeks later we had an argument and we broke up again! Now it’s been another month since do you think he will regret it again? I don’t think he will now but I’m thinking he will in 6 months or so?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 1, 2018 at 12:14 am

      Hi Jodie…certainly when you have children involved or if one has to discuss financial, business matters, etc, etc…then NC will be limited in such instances. Hard to know for sure if he will be wanting to try again, but I would say the odds are in your favor. Best though to have a sensible ex recovery plan!

  12. Avatar

    Amy

    November 27, 2018 at 10:19 am

    Hi,

    How would you suggest implementing the NC rule when you live together? It’s too expensive to part ways at the moment but it’s inevitable that we will end up having to talk at some point. I’m trying to stay out of the house as much as possible by going to the gym and seeing friends.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 27, 2018 at 11:39 pm

      Hi Amy….it does become more of a limited contact approach. Obviously there will be things you will both need to communicate about. You are doing the right thing by coming up with an independent schedule that affords you privacy, time for yourself, and independence.

  13. Avatar

    Shooby

    September 16, 2018 at 3:59 pm

    I’ve stopped contacting my ex after he said he is happy the way he is. (Without me) .
    Don’t think I should bother ever again. He acts like I’m always to blame. Like I’m always wrong in everything when it’s actually him too.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 17, 2018 at 4:06 am

      Hi Shooby!

      I know that is frustrating. Maybe he doesn’t deserve you. People who blame are usually selfish and unable to accept responsibility.

  14. Avatar

    Shooby

    September 16, 2018 at 3:57 pm

    Hi, my ex blocked me on Whatsapp because I was being uncivil after the break up. We broke up because of my flirting habits online.. I blew it because I flirted with a guy I had met in the past by texting him something inappropriate but I ended up confessing to my ex. He went mental said horrible things to me classing me as prostitute and tried to emotionally blackmailed me twice. I can forgive him for what he done but he’s horrible and a robot these days . When I text him about a favour about wanting the happy him back he said no thanks I’m alright as I am. Bye.
    Like what a sad robot. I replied your loss and how I’ve changed now . The last thing I did was send a voicemail mentioning a vid a fitness YouTuber we both like posted. No response so I’m not bothering writing now.

  15. Avatar

    Jae

    September 16, 2018 at 9:19 am

    Hello,

    My boyfriend didn’t actually break up with me. We had an argument and he decided to not talk to me after that. After 5 days, I checked up on him. I was *seen* so I became needy and begged – which I realized now was wrong. No answer. 10th day, I sent a letter of apology. No reply. Had an accident, he contacted me for a while then didn’t care after.

    After 2 weeks, I decided to call it off. I said if he doesn’t reply then it’s over. He didn’t reply. Just sent a long email to say I am accepting. He didn’t reply.

    It’s been 3 weeks of no contact since. I’ve been doing a lot of things to improve myself because I have been begging and nagging and needy. I do meditation, read, and do things that make me happy. I am willing to go through NC and commit and become a better person. I have never wanted a relationship this bad.

    But this section of yours, what do I do after NC and he does not reach out? I reach out first right? But how do I go about it. Cleary, he might think I’m still needy and all. And if I message him and he doesn’t reply, what do I? This part is about when he texts back, but what if he doesn’t? We are also in a long distance relationship and used to see each other every 6 months.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 17, 2018 at 4:19 am

      Hi Jae!

      I encourage you to pick up my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as I am so time limited here and given the number of questions you have about the no contact principle. It will walk you through the entire process and all the what, when, why, how, where, what-ifs, etc, etc.

  16. Avatar

    Laura

    September 7, 2018 at 4:32 am

    Hello Chris!
    3 years ago I met a guy.. and we liked each other a lot. Suddenly he broke up but he kept in touch with me throughout the 3 years. He got engaged this year and he asked me to go out because he has feelings for me and he actually feels very comfortable around me more than his fiancée . So we went on a date and it was amazing but he is still engaged and asked for another date this week so I cut ties with him immediately. Any advice?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 3:05 pm

      Hi Laura!

      So I would tread carefully as his history of behavior is all over the place. I would pull back and give “time” a chance to flush out his true intentions.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 3:05 pm

      Hi Laura!

      So I would tread carefully as his history of behavior is all over the place. I would pull back and give “time” a chance to flush out his true intentions.

  17. Avatar

    Irene

    September 1, 2018 at 9:38 pm

    Hello Chris ,here is my situation .
    We have been together for a year , an amazing , loving and caring relationship ..never argued or fight , lately my bf been a bit cold and strange , nothing like him before always touchy and affectionate . After all the questions he said he started chatting with the girl he was having fun with 3 years back . How confused is he etc etc ..After all the conversations and talks i have ignored him for a day as i was heart ..bectvday he said it was a mistake and he does not want anyone but me in his life ..i’m a woman of his dreams etc ..and he ll make me for fogive him and get the trust back .Well instead i was getting strange attitudes , not really wanting to see me .It was going on like this for a mouth or so , meanwhile he would send me sessages how much he loves me , sending pic of an engagement rings and booked the trip together . 2 weeks ago i saw him and i felt very strange , i was still upset of what has happened and the fact he did not make any effort . I asked him if he was happy and here it all started ! He said he is not , he can’t carry on our relationship , that he does not deserve me , he does not respect me etc etc .I slammed the door and left , he did not stop me .Since then he is messaging me pretty much every day ..asking if i’m ok , how sorry is he to make me suffer like this , how much he cares for me etc but not the reason of breaking up . After i drugged words out of him and he said that he loves and cares for me , but he is not in love anymore .I was trying to do NC rule , but could not as I suffer a lot and love him a lot . Now this trip coming up and he wants to go , but I’m not sure how should I behave , pretend we are like friends which is gonna be very hard for me as i do love him .. He said we are going on the condition of close friends and it’s best decition for us in a future .
    I can’t just assept it , i’m literally obsessed with him and can’t imagine my life without this man
    Please can you advise me what should i do ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2018 at 3:44 am

      HI Irene!

      Honestly, I think NC is in your best interest. You need to time to heal and focus on your recovery. He has said things to you that must be upsetting and if he stands by them, I think it will be very difficult to take a trip with him.

  18. Avatar

    Simone

    August 28, 2018 at 5:40 pm

    My ex dumped me as he was moving country and he was scared of commitment (his first wife cheated on him)

    He sent me a letter saying how much he loved be but he was scared. And he needed therapy to fix himself

    Then two days later he said he didn’t mean it.
    I ignored him for two weeks and went NC, he has now stopped texting me. Is there any hope?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 28, 2018 at 9:24 pm

      Hi Simone…unfortunately, I hear too often about guys who shy away from commitment. Maybe its a maturity thing and sometimes its just they are insecure about making a commitment for fear of losing freedoms. I would stick with the NC and make sure you are making the best use of it as I describe in my program.

  19. Avatar

    Simone

    August 28, 2018 at 4:38 pm

    What if he broke up with me and he moved to another country?

    He said he still loves me so much, but is scared because his first wife cheated on hind

    I have been doing no contact for 5 weeks, first 2 Weeks I ignored him. Now he hasn’t contacted me. Do I have any chance?

  20. Avatar

    Nancy

    August 25, 2018 at 1:28 pm

    Hi
    How do you implement the no contact rule if you have a young baby together? We dont live together but he often calls or texts to ask about our child or to arrange contacts etc

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 26, 2018 at 1:38 am

      Its called limited no contact. It the same as NC, but you make exceptions in the case of visits and communications about your child. But you can still wring a lot of benefit from the NC principle. I write about it extensively in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule book”!

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