It’s common knowledge that if you want your ex boyfriend back the last thing that you should do is beg for him back.

Unfortunately the vast majority of women who seek advice on this site have committed this cardinal sin.

How do I know this?

How do you think I came up with the idea for this article?

reason

A few days ago I received this comment asking if I could write an in-depth article about how to handle a situation if you have tried to get your ex boyfriend back by begging and failed.

Now, my first initial thought was,

“Pshh… I have totally already written an article about that before.”

But after about ten minutes of searching on my site I discovered that I hadn’t.

Talk about dropping the ball…

dropping the ball

Anyways, I got on the case immediately and here we are.

This article is dedicated to the women out there who desperately want their ex boyfriends back but have made a lot of mistakes in getting him back (particularly begging…)

Lets get right to it…

What Is Begging & Why It Probably Won’t Work On Your Ex

precious

What is this thing that they call… Begging?

Well, lets turn to the dictionary to define it and then apply that definition to your ex.

Begging-asking for something, typically food or money, as charity or a gift.

Now, in your case begging isn’t being applied to food or money (unless you have ulterior motives with your ex.) Begging is being applied to the fact that you are going to be asking him to be in a relationship with you again.

Let me give you an example.

If you ran into your ex boyfriend tomorrow and then got on your hands and knees and asked him to take you back then that would be classified as begging.

Pretty standard stuff, right?

Well, lets get into something a bit more complicated now and turn our attention to why begging usually never works to win back an ex boyfriend.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Why Begging Usually Never Works

With the simple act of begging you are putting yourself in a position of weakness.

What do I mean by that?

Ok, lets pretend that we have the beggar and the receiver.

The Beggar = The person who is begging for something.

The Receiver = The person who is receiving the begging from the beggar.

Hmm… perhaps it’s better if I illustrate this,

beggar and receiver picture

Now, when you look at this picture which person/stick figure looks like they are in a position of power and which person/stick figure looks like they are in a position of weakness?

The Receiver = Powerful

The Beggar = Weak

I mean, what I am talking about here is not rocket science but what is it about being in that position of weakness that is such a turn off to men?

Hmm…

In order to properly explain this to you I am going to have to ask you to draw on some pretty dark thoughts.

You ready?

There has to be some guy in your life that you think you are WAY better than. A guy who you would never date in a million years. Now, what I want you to do is think of that person.

Have you thought of him yet?

Good!

Ok, now I want you to imagine this person who you think you are better than (and who you would never date) begging for you to date him.

That’s kind of what’s happening with you and your ex boyfriend.

That’s how he views you and every single time that you beg for him back you are setting yourself back further and further.

Pretty depressing, right?

Well, don’t wallow in depression too long because I have some good news for you.

Just because you begged for your ex boyfriend back and he views you this way doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome it. In fact, I have made a career out of teaching women who are in this sorry state to overcome it and I am going to teach you my tricks right here, right now!

I Want You To Fully Understand Your Predicament

nothing

So, this article is operating under the assumption that you have already begged for your ex boyfriend back and it has proven to be a huge turnoff for him.

You understand that, right?

Well, what if you were to just try to get him back right now without trying any of my strategies?

Do you think you would succeed?

Eh… probably not and I am going to explain why.

The Salesman Analogy

inception

Lets pretend that you are sitting at home one day and you are reading an incredible book.

What’s the book?

Hmm…

Good question… actually stop getting me off topic.

So you are reading this book and you are getting really into it and then all of a sudden there is a knock on the door.

“Jesus… Why does someone have to bug me right now?” you think to yourself.

Of course, being the kind person you are you decide to get up and answer the door.

Guess who it is?

It’s a salesman.

“Oh god… I just want to slam the door in his face” you daydream.

Immediately upon you opening the door the salesman goes into a massive sales pitch discussing why you should buy his product.

You tell him very nicely that you aren’t interested….

He continues to pitch.

You tell him again…

He’s still pitching.

“Ok, it has gotten to the point where I am just going to say goodbye and slam the door in his face” you think.

This is a perfect analogy for whats going to happen if you try to pitch your ex boyfriend on another relationship with you right now.

Take a look at the story I just told.

Look how many components there are to it.

  • The comfortability you were feeling reading the book.
  • The knock on the door
  • The salesman
  • The annoying pitch
  • You slamming the door in his face

Care to take a guess at what these components really mean for your situation?

The Comfortability You Were Feeling Reading The Book

This is the equivalent of having your ex boyfriend feel really comfortable in the situation he is in right now.

The two of you broke up and as much as I hate to tell you this he is probably comfortable with that fact (especially if he was the one who initiated the break.)

The Knock On The Door

We already know your ex boyfriend is comfortable in his current situation (being single) and the knock on the door can be compared to if you reached out to him out of the blue and it shocked him. Basically it’s you contacting him when he doesn’t expect it.

The Salesman

It’s YOU!

The Annoying Pitch

This is the begging.

It’s where you get on you hands and knees and ask him to take you back. Now, early on I established that begging for an ex boyfriend is usually only going to accomplish one thing…. it’s going to annoy him.

Which brings me to my next point.

You Slamming The Door In His Face

Is the equivalent of him slamming the relationship door in your face.

It’s him rejecting you.

What’s the point of me explaining this analogy to you?

It’s to further cement the fact that you cannot succeed in getting your ex boyfriend back using a regular strategy. You are going to have to completely re-work the way you approach him.

Now, let me ask you a question.

What would a door to door salesman who is selling…. lets say a vacuum…. have to do to convert you into a sale?

What Would A Salesman Have To Do To Convert You?

Let me set this up a bit before I get into it.

Lets say that you are in the market for a vacuum.

And one day you hear a knock at your door and you open it and see a door to door salesman who is selling vacuums. What would he have to do, knowing the odds are stacked against him, to convert you into a sale?

Why are the odds stacked against him?

Well, there are two things that stack the odds against him.

  • He is coming into your personal space to pitch you a product
  • He is a salesman so you are automatically suspicious

So, what would he have to do to make you take out your money and buy one of his vacuums?

Well, first things first… he is going to have to overcome the odds.

How He Can Overcome The Odds

What if you had come to this website and were immediately greeted by an ad.

annoying ad

So, you do what almost everyone does and clicks the little “x” button to kill it so you can read the information you are interested in.

Unfortunately the second you click the “x” button another ad pops up,

annoying ad 2

This happens four times in a row.

Do you think you’d be pretty pissed?

I know I would.

No one wants to be pitched ads. Least of all in their personal space like a phone or a computer.

And this stigma follows a door to door salesman who is selling vacuums.

No one wants to open the door up to their house and immediately be greeted by a person who is trying to sell them something. They just don’t.

I am sure you can relate to that, right?

Well, lets try to relate to the salesman now. What do you think he should do to disarm this negative stigma that he is going to get right out of the gate for just being a salesman?

Hmm…

I would say that he should try to disarm you so at least you’d be open to hearing the pitch.

He should wait for you to open the door and instead of launching into a sales pitch he should try to tell you a compelling story. Something that maybe would draw you in and make you look at him not as a salesman but as a trustworthy guy.

In other words, he should try to offer some VALUE to you.

But here is the most important part.

He can’t try to sell the vacuum to you on the spot. It’s probably going to take a few days of building value up before he can do that. Instead, he should just aim to give you his card with his information on it.

How the hell can a salesman who sells vacuums door to door do this?

While I’ll admit that it’s not an easy task I would say that he should try telling a story like this,

Hi there, I know this is going to sound really weird but I was just talking to your friend Kathy down the street (at least she said she was your friend) and she mentioned that you are looking for a new vacuum since your vacuum cleaner broke. I actually sell vacuums door to door for a living (weird career choice I know.) Anyways, I am not going to try to sell you a vacuum today because I don’t believe in pressuring people to buy. And I know there is a negative stigma attached to people like me. All I wanted to do is just stop by to give you my card in case you did become interested. Oh, and I always believe in putting people first so if you do decide to buy a vacuum at some point and it’s not from me don’t be afraid to call me and ask my opinion on it. I am happy to help you even if I don’t get any compensation for it.

Do you see how a story like that would work?

Do you see how the salesman built value and structured things in a way that made you almost exclusively want to buy from him?

Now, what does any of this have to do with you getting your ex back if you begged?

Well, this subtle approach is what you are going to have to do if you are going to have any chance of winning him back.

Because after all, you are basically trying to sell yourself to your ex here but you kind of screwed up your sales pitch already.

But don’t worry… that’s what I am here for.

I am going to show you the correct type of sales pitch that you are going to have to implement to have a chance.

Are you ready?

Ya?

Well, slow down there for a second. First we need to understand what odds you have working against you.

What Odds Do You Have Working Against You If You Begged?

odds

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that you have a lot working against you if you begged for your ex boyfriend back. In this section I intend to examine the exact odds that you are going to have to overcome in order to get your boyfriend back.

Are you read for them?

Lets get started!

  • He Looks Down On You Because You Begged
  • You Were Annoying To Him
  • He Can’t Envision A Future With You Anymore

Lets take an in-depth look at these odds.

(And believe me when I tell you that it’s really important for you to understand these.)

He Looks Down On You Because You Begged

Earlier I established that when you beg for someone back there is a beggar and a receiver.

The beggar is always in a position of weakness while the receiver is always in a position of power.

Well, the big odd that you are going to have to overcome if you begged for your boyfriend back is the fact that you are in a position of weakness and your ex is going to constantly look down on you. In other words, he is definitely going to think that he is here,

ladder

And you are here,

ladder copy

Hmm… maybe there is a better way I can go about explaining this.

Ok, lets take my wife and I’s relationship. At no point during the attraction phase when we were getting to know each other did I think,

“I am WAY better than her.”

And believe me, I have been on dates where I have thought that about the person sitting across the table from me….

Your wondering about that, huh?

Ok, I’ll open up a bit.

When I was 20 I remember going on a date with a girl that I thought was dumb.

Seriously… this girl was D… U… M… B…

And I don’t like saying that about people.

Though I will say that I learned something positive about myself from the experience. At 20 years old I was pretty content just to be going on a date with a girl that was halfway decent looking. In fact, I am sure if you were to ask me back what my requirements about dating a girl were I would probably just say that she had to be good looking and that’s it…. Pretty shallow, right?

However, after actually being on a date with a girl that only had looks going for her I realized that I found her more unattractive than an ugly girl with a really great personality.

Here is my point, if your ex boyfriend looks down on you, you are basically in the position that, that dumb girl was who I went on that date with.

Scary, huh?

You Are Annoying To Him

annoying

Lets pretend for a moment that you have a kid…

Some of you may actually have kids. But if you don’t just pretend that you do.

How old is your little bundle of hell… I mean Joy?

Lets say that he/she is around 5 years old and both of you are doing some grocery shopping.

While grocery shopping your child spots something that it wants… a toy.

Now, you being the very strict parent that you are make an internal decision that you are not going to buy that toy for your child. However, the child is determined to get it and starts begging you and when he/she doesn’t get his/her way he/she starts throwing a temper tantrum.

Annoying, huh?

Well, an ex boyfriend can look at you this way if you were especially annoying when you were begging him to come back.

You can see how this would be a problem when it comes to getting him back, right?

Hmm…

I feel I am not properly explaining this so I guess I will get personal again.

I am going to make a statement here and I want you to remember it and then after I make it I am going to back it up with proof.

A man isn’t going to date a woman who, initially, he finds annoying

Now, some of you may be wondering,

“Wait, my ex boyfriend called me annoying when we were dating. Why did he date me?”

It’s actually entirely possible that he found you annoying after he was dating you.

Use common sense.

People aren’t drawn to annoying things. It’s a simple fact of life.

Here is my proof.

Your aware of the Star Wars saga, right?

When George Lucas came out with the prequels to the original star wars trilogy fans were excited. However, after seeing “The Phantom Menace” (the first prequel) they were very disappointed. In fact, “The Phantom Menace” is widely accepted as the worst Star Wars movie and most super fans of the franchise blame one character,

jarjar

Jar Jar Binks…

The number one characteristic to describe him…

HE WAS ANNOYING!

No one wants to date a Jar Jar Binks.

He Can’t Envision A Future With You Anymore

One of the most interesting aspects of dating is picturing yourself (long term) with the person who you are with.

Let me give you an example.

When I was dating my wife I constantly envisioned what the future would be like.

Romantic getaways…

Passionate moments…

Children running in to wake us up on Christmas morning…

And all of that really appealed to me. But what if it didn’t…

What if she was really annoying during the dating phase. What if we had broken up and she had begged for me back?

Would I still be capable of imagining a future with her?

Hmm…

That’s an interesting question.

Truthfully… yes. I would still be able to envision a future with her BUT it probably wouldn’t be a positive one.

Instead of having those happy daydreams that I was having before they would probably look a little like this,

hell

Thank god for my wife being AWESOME.

Here is my ultimate point.

If your ex boyfriend considers you to be annoying (which he will if you begged for him back) any future he envisions with you is not going to be positive. Instead, it’s going to be very negative and that puts you at a HUGE disadvantage.

Let me give you another example.

Do you see this guy,

jim

That’s Jim. He’s your next boyfriend and is the most amazing person you have ever met.

In fact, I would go as far as saying that he could very well be “the one.”

But what if I told you that the second that you and him started dating officially you were guaranteed to die in a week.

Would you date him?

Unless you have a death wish then you probably wouldn’t.

And that’s what it’s kind of like when your ex boyfriend looks at a future with you negatively. It’s not very appealing to him.

So, how can we make it appealing?

How can we turn this perception that he has of you around?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Begged For Him Back

begging

There are two goals that you absolutely have to accomplish if you are going to have any chance of shedding this “begging” tag that your ex has placed on you.

  1. You have to reshape his perception of you
  2. You have to get him back from a position of power

If you can do these two things then I am confident in saying that you have a really good chance of success.

Now, above I did a huge write up on this idea of being a salesman and how there is immediate negative connotations when you try to pitch an item to someone. Instead, I pointed out that it’s more effective to slowly pitch that item by building value to your customer.

Well, that’s what we are going to do.

We are going to take our time and slowly re-shape his perception of you and then once you are confident his perception is reshaped that’s when you can go in for the kill.

I’ll talk about that in a second.

First things first… lets talk about perception.

How To Reshape Your Exes Perception Of You

Reshaping someones view of you isn’t accomplished overnight. In fact, for some people it takes YEARS. Unfortunately, we don’t have years. In fact, I am certain that after years even you will have probably lost interest in your ex.

So, time is of the essence.

So, what the hell can we do to reshape an exes perception of you in just a few months.

Well, that’s where the shock factor comes into play.

The Shock Factor

Imagine for a moment that a child is perceived as weak and is being picked on at school. Every time he attends a class other kids are picking on him by starting fights. Now, the child in question here is a pacifist by nature. He likes to avoid violence as much as humanly possible.

You see where this is going, right?

One day a kid who was picking on him pushes him to far and he decides for the first time to fight back.

He throws a punch and knocks the kid out cold…

knockout

Everyone is shocked…

That was the last thing that anyone expected him to do.

One punch is all it took for the “weak child” to be perceived as the “don’t ever mess with this kid” child.

Do you see where I am going with this?

In order for your ex boyfriend to perceive you differently you need a shock factor of your own. You need to do something that completely blows his mind.

Now, I feel it’s important that I mention that this shock that you are going to be delivering to his system needs to be positive.

I mean, can you imagine if you walked up to your ex one day and said,

“I pooped on your car…”

did what?

While that certainly classifies as a “shock” it is not going to benefit you since all pooping on your ex boyfriends car will do is alienate him into never taking you back.

You’ll forever be labeled as that crazy ex girlfriend that pooped on his car…

Hahahaha come on… you had to laugh at that.

Anyways, what kinds of things can you do to shock his system into viewing you differently?

Well, I have two things in mind.

Thing #1: The Immediate Behavior Change

Human beings love patterns and routines.

But do you know what we love more than those things?

Assumptions!

Take the example I gave about the “weak” child who delivered the punch of a century. Well, the only reason that, that example was shocking to the fake people involved is the fact that everyone assumed this child was weak when it turned out that he wasn’t.

Lets take this a step further.

Most of the amazing shocking moments that we have experienced in our lives is probably due to a deviation from our assumption.

We assume one thing and then the opposite happens… SHOCKING!

And you have an incredible opportunity here.

If you are invested in reading this then I am going to assume (there is that word again) that you begged for your ex boyfriend back to an annoying level.

That is the behavior that you have exhibited. So, doesn’t it make sense that your ex boyfriend, who is annoyed with you, is going to assume that the begging will continue since it hasn’t stopped. So, lets do something and deviate from his assumption.

How do we do this?

THE NO CONTACT RULE!

Now, I have talked about the no contact rule multiple times on this site so I am not going to do an in-depth explanation here. Instead, if you want that I suggest that you pick up PRO.

Lets move on to the second shocking thing you can do.

Thing #2: Show Him A Different Side Of Yourself

With this one we are really using your past relationship with him to our advantage.

You see, when you date someone the more you learn about them the more you assume about them.

For example, if your ex boyfriend grew up hating action movies then you would assume that he hates all action movies but maybe there is one action movie that he loves more than anything… Rambo.

Well, the second that he deviates from your assumption is the second that you are kind of shocked by it.

So here is what I want you to do. I want you to show him a different side of yourself. The most important aspect of this though is the fact that this different side that you show him has to be fascinating to him.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

But Chris… what if I have already shown him “all of my sides.”

Well in that case branch out and get a new side for yourself.

Will it take time?

Sure.

But will it be worth it?

Absolutely!

Hmm… maybe I should give you an example so I can really hammer this point home for you.

My dad always used to tell me that there are two types of girls in the world.

Indoor Girls

&

Outdoor Girls

Now, there are no hidden meanings here as the definitions for each are exactly like they sound.

  • Indoor Girls- More prone to participating in indoor activities.
  • Outdoor Girls- More prone to participating in outdoor activities.

So, lets assume that you are an indoor girl and don’t like going outside that much. Well, while your ex boyfriend was dating you he has this information filed away in his head somewhere. So, in order to change his perception of you, you decide that you are going to take sailing lessons and learn how to sail.

Oh, lets also go ahead and say you are filthy rich and own a sailing boat!

Anyways, at some point when you are trying to get him back you mention that you took these sailing lessons and ideally he will be totally shocked by this news since it completely goes against his perception of you.

Oh, and it also is a perfect opportunity to go on a date somewhere down the road.

Maybe you should take some sailing lessons and get rich 😉 .

You Have To Get Him Back From A Position Of Power

power

Power…

Such a simple word but such a strong meaning.

Right now your ex boyfriend has all the power and you have very little because of your begging.

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear but it’s the truth.

So, the question now becomes how can you get the power back?

Well, what I am about to propose is a bit risky since it really limits the risks you can take when getting an ex boyfriend back but I honestly don’t see any way to succeed in getting him back from a position of power without abiding by the rules I am about to set.

But first…

Lets Talk About Getting Him Back If You Begged

Begging for an ex back puts you in a unique position.

You see, usually the women who come to this site do things wrong in the fact that they expect their ex boyfriend to do half the things like,

  • Reaching out via text message
  • Initiating phone calls
  • Asking for the date

But the truth is that for the average breakup you should be the one doing a lot of that stuff.

You see, women have always been taught that the man is supposed to do those things and for the most part they are right. If men are the one trying to get the girl it demonstrates that he is very into the girl and the girl has most of the power at the beginning. But I argue that breakups put women in a unique position where they almost have to be the ones to scramble to get an ex back.

The one exception to my logic there is begging.

If the woman has excessively (keyword is excessively) begged for her ex boyfriend back then if she is the one to initiate any of the “big steps” to the recovery process it can almost be looked at as begging by a man and puts her in a position of weakness.

In other words, begging really puts you in a bad position for later on because you have to alter a strategy where you can control interactions by initiating them to waiting for him to initiate them.

So, whats the big deal with having an ex initiate things?

The Power Of Having An Ex Boyfriend Initiate Things

Hmm… I think I would like to do this by using a point system.

We will use something small to start off with and go from there.

Lets go with text messages. Specifically, the initiating of conversations through text messages.

Alright, lets say that text messages are worth 5 points. In other words if you initiate a text conversation you give him 5 points and if he initiates a text conversation it gives you 5 points.

He Initiates = 5 points to you

You Initiate = 5 points to him

The points basically indicate the score on who has more power.

So, lets assume that you and your ex boyfriend had a total of ten text message conversations over the past ten days.

He initiated 2 of them while you initiated 8 of them.

  • His Power Score = 40 points (since you initiated 8 conversations)
  • Your Power Score = 10 points (since he only initiated 2 conversations)

40 > 10 any day of the week. In other words, according to this example he has way more power than you. Ideally, we want you to have more power.

Now lets move on to phone calls and what they are worth.

So, I am going to say that phone calls are worth 10 points.

He Initiates = 10 points to you

You Initiate = 10 points to him

And finally we have the game changer….

Dates.

Basically I am going to classify a date as any interaction where you are spending quality time with him, preferably alone, the exception here is that sometimes you may have to go on double dates or group dates.

Dates are worth 40 points…

In other words,

He Initiates The Date = 40 points to you

You Initiate The Date = 40 points to him

Keeping Score

So, since you are in a position where you desperately begged for your ex boyfriend back I want you to do the following exercise,

From this point on I want you to play a little game. You are going to be keeping score on who starts conversations using the point system I devised above. The object of the game is to have a higher score than him.

Why is this so important to do?

It’s important because you begged and in order to understand if he is viewing you as his equal or a hot commodity you need to study if he is going out of his way to win you.

Now, I know what you are wondering.

“Ok Chris, I totally get the premise of keeping score and getting the power back but how? What tactics should I use to ensure that he is the one starting conversations?”

Well thats my trump card.

In the immortal words of the Joker,

If your good at something never do it for free.

My best recommendation is to check out my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, if you aren’t looking to spend money then I completely understand and you can ask me a question in the comments or check out some of the other articles on this website.

See ya!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. Ending conversations abruptly like I just did is part of the strategy 😉

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901 thoughts on “You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That”

  1. Avatar

    Grace

    December 27, 2020 at 11:22 pm

    I dated my ex for 3 years. He actually proposed to me 2 years into the relationship but I didn’t feel ready so I said we should wait a little bit since we are young. Well this year, he suddenly told me he was back with his now divorced ex. She just got divorced and also has a child who is about 6 years old. It was shocking to me and really hurt my self-esteem especially because I am in my mid twenties with no child, never been married, and have a good job… I still begged him to return for about 4 months. He was being hot and cold, blocking me on all social media but secretly emailing and texting me from time to time. He even says he loves me or misses me…but I did beg for him to return for 4 months so… Is it too late to start the no contact rule? Do you think there is no hope of us getting back together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 6, 2021 at 10:29 pm

      Hi Grace, it is still okay to go into No Contact, but make sure that you use that time to follow the rules correctly and work on yourself! As for getting back together, there is always a chance as long as you are willing to do the work. But it really depends on you spending this time focusing on yourself.

  2. Avatar

    Emilia

    December 3, 2020 at 3:26 am

    My ex abs I dated 5 years ago. Basically things ended because I got cold feet. I was feeling like he was using me which now I see was false. I just basically freaked out and told him we had to end it. The next day I begged for him back and he stood his ground. We didn’t talk except maybe twice in 5 years. He removed me from social media. Well 3 months ago I emailed him just to see how life was for him. He said he was surprised to hear from me and that he got out of another relationship a few months ago that ended badly. We ended the conversation and then 2 months later he adds me on SC out of the blue. It’s been almost 2 weeks and he hasn’t said one word to me about why he added me or even a hello. I read this article and I know I need to just wait for him to contact me directly. But how long should I wait and what should I do in the meantime? I’ve been trying to work on myself while also not posting too excessively because I don’t want to look like I’m seeking attention from him. I am not the most patient person. I really regret how I acted at the end of our relationship. I wish I could take it back.

  3. Avatar

    Akki

    November 30, 2020 at 2:36 pm

    I had a relationship of 7 months with my ex. One day we spent whole day together bt while leaving we had a fight and after that he broke up with me.(he was very caring n respecting me even after the brkup) bt I begged him alot. I contacted his sis and his clg frnd which pissed him so I sent him a text msg that whatever I did was just to get you back bt now it’s high time I won’t contact you again I’m going from your life and I started the no contact rule. Will he miss me? Will he patchup with after the no contact rule.

  4. Avatar

    Aurora

    November 24, 2020 at 5:54 pm

    I have begged and pleaded, he broke up with me 3 weeks ago tomorrow, I begged and then tried to do no contact that lasted 3 days. Begged again then didn’t contact for another 3 days, then a week and he messaged a friend to see how I was and then I begged again. The break up was my fault as I became too complacent in the relationship and he doesn’t believe I’ll change as he mentioned it time and time again, I realised I took him for granted too late and I’m heartbroken. He said if he regrets it he’ll ring but I feel like he won’t regret it and that he won’t come back. I haven’t spoken to him and been in no contact for a whole week now and I have no plans on contacting him again as I’m trying to follow the no contact rule

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    Helen

    November 16, 2020 at 4:32 am

    So after 7 years of Marriage, my ex husband walked out on me for the 2nd time.
    The first time I begged after 4 months of NC and he came back, then we were fine for a month but due to life, we didn’t work on the problem we were having before that. So there was a lot of arguments, screaming, hateful words and ignoring each other most days.
    One morning, I walked downstairs to a note on the table which said “ There is no future for us, I deserve better and I don’t love you anymore” Bye.

    At first I just sent him a long message trying to explain stuff and overly apologetic ugh! It makes me cringe! Then the emotions hit me and it ended up with me ringing twice crying and leaving a voice message and begging him to chat to me, give me closure ( you know as you do ) but of course all that turned into was a screaming match down the phone of him telling me to piss off, and to never speak to him again because we’re never ever getting back together, no future! There is your closure – Your a problem, ruined my life! And then he told me there are plenty more nicer women in this world and you’re not one of them so F off! which resorted in him hanging up the phone on me.
    Wondering why if I make him so angry so much he even picked up my call twice, in the first place?

    Does no contact work a second time round?
    I haven’t spoken for a week now, gone straight into NC I got the message loud and clear.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 27, 2020 at 6:29 pm

      Hi Helen, yes it works as long as you work on yourself in that time. But you are going to have to leave him alone for 45 days. As for him saying you are not making him happy, and the arguments etc, you need to face there is an issue in your relationship – it may need couples counselling to resolve if he is willing to speak to you in the future about the problems you’ve had.

  6. Avatar

    Julia

    October 10, 2020 at 1:36 pm

    I was with my ex for almost a year. He claimed he loved me and never wanted to lose me. One day We fought over the phone and told him I am breaking up with him because of his actions. Obviously I did not mean it but I thought it would make him think and appreciate me. After Two weeks of no contact I tried to contact but he was done with me. He was mean and cruel and Indirectly told me to move out of the house. I left. I Accused him of being cruel but he didn’t seem to care. He Told me to never contact him again and wished me good luck but refused to meet up for a closure. I caused a scene at his place because I was hurt and he told me off. He threaten me never to go back to him again. Few days later I missed him and wrote him a letter of how much I miss him and how could he do this to me. I know it sounds pathetic but I couldn’t digest the idea that he was such a cruel person. Or that he would treat me like that. He never replied. I send him many messages later on. He blocked me everywhere. I even went to his place (not to get back to him but to have a closure, a mature convo). He closed the door to my face with no words. I only wanted a peaceful break up. Now it’s been 5 days I hvnt contacted him and 2 weeks since he last spoke to me. I saw him at a common place we used to hang out but I acted as if I did not see him. I am now moving on but was wondering if he will ever give me that closure or if he will regret what he did. How can he Have loved me and then give up on me so easily?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2020 at 8:06 pm

      Hu Julia, so with this idea of closure – it is a state of mind. So give yourself that closure, you do not need that from someone else. When we are angry we often say things we do not mean, the same when he was in the moment he felt that he loved you and didnt want to lose you (while things were good). People have fight or flight mindsets and he chose to flight

  7. Avatar

    anne

    September 18, 2020 at 2:45 pm

    hey thanks for the article
    i was in love with someone and we were together for over a year now
    but there was some troubles because i was a bit sensitive and he was most likely cold and not giving that much
    eventually he broke up with me and said he wasn’t comfortable with me and he doesn’t know if he loves anymore. that brought me into a shock and i begged for chance and i said sorry so many times and nothing worked
    and now he isn’t even answering me and ignoring me
    but i still love me even though i was suffering but i feel guilty about being annoying and needy
    what should i do? . and is he ever back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 5, 2020 at 10:55 am

      Hi Anne, you need to complete a 45 day no contact and work on yourself during this time, before reaching out with a text that Chris suggests.

  8. Avatar

    linda

    September 1, 2020 at 7:51 am

    I was in a relationship with this guy for a little over a year and a half. Over our relationship, he cheated on me twice assuring that he was drunk and it was a mistake both times. The second time I was really hurt but he told me that I was the girl he wanted to marry and that I was everything to him and he just made a drunken mistake and that it would never happen again. So I gave him another chance and told myself that it if it happened again I would just end things. Me being the hurt person I was, I became so controlling and never wanted him drinking or being with girls around me, which i know is so unhealthy now but it was a desperate measure to save our relationship because of the promise I made myself if it ever happened again. After a few months of this he told me he couldn’t take it anymore and that I was crazy and controlling and he broke up with me. I was so depressed and begged for months telling him I would change completely and let him have his freedom and do whatever if he just gave me another chance. He says that he can’t do it again and that we are over but i still love him so much and I want to be in a healthy relationship with him and actually treat him right. I need your best advice to help me get him back. Thank you so much.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 10, 2020 at 8:22 pm

      Hey Linda, so you need to start with a no contact and read and follow the information in the articles, while I understand it can feel difficult make sure that you work on yourself during this time to show your ex that you are doing better and happy in life

  9. Avatar

    Abegail del Rosario

    August 31, 2020 at 2:20 am

    Hi! Need some help. Me and my boyfriend are 9 months already and we broke up recently. We are in Long distance Relationship. He was on board and i was at home only. He told me he loved me but he doesnt want to hurt me more because he have too much problems. And i think he is just making reasons so i will feel better in our break up. I tried to beg him and he said he can’t do it anymore. Then i send him a message that i will wait for him until he go home so we can fix our relationship. Its my 6th day of no contact after begging. Will it still work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 7, 2020 at 9:18 pm

      Hi Abegail, it can work but you need to be strong and follow the advice starting with No Contact and working on yourself

  10. Avatar

    Chloe

    August 24, 2020 at 5:09 am

    Hi,

    My boyfriend and I were together for 3.5 years and a month after the break up he started seeing someone. He has been with her for almost 8 months now and I started no contact about 42 days ago.

    What are my chances of getting him back when you can’t go anywhere and he is probably living with her? We are both almost 30 and I have tried to move on but I want to be with him. I should also mention that he and I were looking for a house to buy together and close to getting engaged.

    I really need help – I need to get him back but I don’t know what to do now that he is out of the rebound phase with her.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 10:03 pm

      Hey Chloe you need to follow a 45 days No Contact and read and understand how to follow the being there method before reaching out to him.

  11. Avatar

    Genna

    August 18, 2020 at 6:32 am

    I have found your website and YouTube videos really useful during my current situation. I have a child with my ex and it make it so much harder to navigate everything. My ex and I have been separated for 2 years. He started dating someone new around 6 months ago. I have done a lot of work on myself and realised that the failure of our relationship was largely due to my anxiety. I wanted to give things another go and he agreed to try. But 2 weeks in he said he missed his new partner too much to try again with me and that he couldn’t get past the issues we’d had in our previous relationship. He says he loves me but can’t try again. I think there is still enough there and want to try for me and my son. I did send an email stating how much I wanted to try and why I thought it was different. I guess this is called begging. I watched all of the videos related to the topics of approaching your ex when they’re in a honeymoon period with someone else. I don’t feel like I want to give up but feel helpless of what to do. I can’t really afford the resources here. Do you have any advice to get me through the difficult period of getting over my ex I’m in now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 2, 2020 at 7:15 pm

      Hey Genna, in your situation you are going to have some contact with him because of your child but you need to follow a 45 day no contact because he has the other woman in the picture. Then you need to work on the information provided about being ungettable, and apply this to yourself. Showing your ex that you are not the same person as you used to be, by being happier more confident and doing things that he did not expect you to do.

  12. Avatar

    Jessie

    August 3, 2020 at 2:27 pm

    Hey ,

    I was in a relationship for 6 months and in April it got hard because of the coronavirus and he ended things saying he didn’t want a relationship. He had previously asked me to be his girlfriend (to which I said we were on the right path and exclusive but didn’t think we needed the title yet). He had been extremely vulnerable with my during our time together and it seemed like he was in to me more than I was in to him. When he ended things (via text) I was shocked and it was hard to even have a conversation without him putting the conversation off. He then deleted me off all social media. I did not contact where he reached out a few times and when I reached out at the end he was mad I didn’t reply to him earlier. Through communicating via text A few months later he said he had no feelings for me and had said he did not want a relationship with anyone. I have since seen him once late at night (I know terrible decision but I thought u would have the opportunity to talk to him face to face ) – I think I have blown my chances but want any sort of advice you may have on next steps willing to try anything .
    As it stands I have access to him through snapchat and text

  13. Avatar

    Grace

    July 27, 2020 at 1:04 pm

    I’m thinking of going off social media for two weeks to make him miss me, please will this kind of no contact work, because I can’t bare seeing his profile, so I just want to go complete AWOL till next two weeks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 27, 2020 at 9:36 pm

      Hey Grace if it will help you then of course go offline for some time, but using social media does help you show your ex that you are doing great without them and that you are being Ungettable

  14. Avatar

    Elsa

    July 9, 2020 at 8:43 am

    Hai Chris, me and my ex broke up about 9 months ago. Exactly on Oct 2019. For twi months I begged him for another chance but he still didn’t want to get back. I did many things at that time, such as messaged him, ask his friends, and seeking attention while I’m sick. But since January 2020, I stopped for begging. Then on March, I send him message to say that I miss him. He didn’t even read my message. Since then I tried to move on by blocked him at any social media, include his number. On May, he suddenly send me a message said that he apology for the mistakes that he did using a new number. He send it at 3 AM. Two days later, I wrote the reply and ask him to not appear in my life anymore. He only read it. But since that, he didin’t text me but I still not moved on. Do I still have a chance to get him back or is it too late? Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 4, 2020 at 8:48 pm

      Hi Elsa, it is difficult to give you an answer but following the program is going to help you get some chance to fix things, read some articles and start preparing yourself with the texting phase before you reach out to again. Keep in mind that your message said to leave you alone and he did as you asked.

  15. Avatar

    Siobhan

    July 1, 2020 at 4:59 am

    Hi Chris,

    Love this post!

    Me and my ex split up 2 months ago after a 6 year relationship which had multiple breakups in which I was usually the one to want to sort us both out and try again.

    This time he has left he has been acting differently to how he usually has when we have split up in the past (in past breakups he would want to get out and meet someone else straight away and want to just get drunk with his mates on the pull), however this time he has got his own place, seems to not be bothered about meeting anyone and just said he wants a fresh start. This has made me panic as his behaviour is so different and I really think it’s the end… so of course After a few weeks into the breakup after only discussing about him picking his things up I stupidly begged/pleaded/ sent gifts/ wrote a letter to no avail and it’s just made me feel worse! He is totally not interested in giving it another try

    I’ve cut contact from yesterday although I told him I wouldn’t stop fighting for me so I hope this does create a ‘shock’ factor like you suggested, however as I say I do think this time it’s completely different and it’s over for good.

    Is there anything else I can do in this situation with it being a ‘multiple’ breakup and do you think I have even the slightest chance of resolving this?

    Thanks in advance!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 2, 2020 at 4:46 pm

      Hey Siobhan, it is possible to get an on and off again ex back. The issue you need to work out is how to not break up again. Work on being Ungettable and keep with the No Contact

  16. Avatar

    Ayesha

    June 25, 2020 at 1:21 pm

    Hey, i have had a long term (almost two years) relationship, but somehow he started finding me annoying. We’ve had fights for me expressing my insecurities and he also cheated on me, i forgave him but he was ashamed, but i couldn’t understand how could i forgive him. There were questions arising in my mind and i called him over and over again. And he said he needs time to think about things angrily so am not calling him now. He will call whenever he has to, what if he decides to break up? What should i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 27, 2020 at 8:46 pm

      Hey Ayesha, if your guy breaks up with you agree that you think it is for best and go straight into a No contact, do not get upset or emotional just walk away. This will throw him off and wonder why you were not as invested in the relationship as he thought you were. Your no contact needs to be 30 days and you solely focus on you and healing from the break up

  17. Avatar

    Janice

    June 22, 2020 at 9:41 am

    Hi Chris, I was with my ex for 3years+, he broke up with me 5 weeks ago during the COVID-19 lockdown. We continued to remain contact for the next couple of days, until he asked for us to stop contacting for 1 week. However, 2 days later he texted me, “How are you?” We later got back into contact, but I’ve been rather unstable emotional about it. I asked to remain in contact, but somehow it ended up with me asking for us to get back together, and trying to find out more behind the break up every other week. Reading back on his replies, it seemed that he was rather annoyed by it.

    After reading a few of your posts, I regretted my actions. I still want him to come back, but I don’t want him to think negatively of me and what I’ve done during this post-breakup.

    We are still in contact everyday, but I’ve been trying to give him some space and lengthen out my replies. We even planned to meet up this weekend.

    Am I in the right direction? What should I do to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 17, 2020 at 11:39 pm

      Hi Janice, so if you want to follow ex boyfriend recovery then you are going to have to follow a No Contact period. You need to do at least 30 maybe 45 if you are not prepared for the texting phase by then. You need to set that break and stop asking him to meet up as he now knows that you want to get back together. You need to give him some space so that he stops thinking about things in a negative mindset

  18. Avatar

    JM

    June 19, 2020 at 10:08 am

    We broke up a week ago and at the time I tried to convince him. Since then he kept viewing my social media and talking to my friend, so I messaged him to ask if he had any doubts and he said no. I asked him to remove me on social media to give me time to heal.

    After he took me off social media, I messaged him and tried to call to ask why he thought it was so impossible that it couldn’t work after a break. He told me he didn’t want to have to block me because he likes me as a person, and feels that it just didn’t work and our personalities clash, but that I needed to leave him alone if we are ever going to be friends down the line. He also messaged my friend saying he was worried for me and worried I would do something stupid.

    I’ve begged twice now, have I ruined all my chances forever?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 17, 2020 at 11:57 pm

      Hey JM, so you have not ruined your chances from begging. However if he is worried that you would do something stupid – you are putting yourself in this vulnerable impression in your exes mind. Which we do not want you to have. You need to make your ex view you as strong and confident. Work on your Holy Trinity and work towards being Ungettable

  19. Avatar

    Suze

    June 15, 2020 at 11:37 pm

    Hi,
    I was with my ex for 6 months. We broke up for a week in April and got back together, and I messaged him the whole time during that breakup. We broke up again a few days ago for similar reasons and I went to his house to pick up my stuff two days later. I tried talking to him then and he wouldn’t budge and when I went home I sent him messages asking for a chance. I then apologised and said we both needed space and that he could text me if he needs me. Since then I’ve been doing NC, trying to keep myself busy, going out and organising to meet friends, and noticed that he’s looking at my insta and snapchat story a lot. Do I have any chance or have I ruined everything?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 10:40 pm

      Hey Suze, the reason you ended twice can this be changed, is it an issue that you are able to work on? IF not then you need to think if this is going to make the next time you are together fall apart again? You need to work on Ungettable showing your ex that you are making positive changes to your self while he is wondering why you are not upset about not being with him

  20. Avatar

    Janine

    June 6, 2020 at 7:22 am

    Hi Chris,
    My boyfriend started ignoring me for two weeks now. I think he placed me on his spam folder in facebook. He got mad about about something I have said, but I was not talking about him, I guess he assumed I was talking about him. So he posted on facebook saying sometimes I think it is good to be single, nothing to worry about, no one to please, and most specially no arguments. Im so tired already. I was shocked and tried to message and asked him about it then I apologize. But he started ignoring me then. I kept on apologizing thinking maybe he would talk to me again. But nothing happened. Tried to reach him by email, text or call but nothing. Until I realized I should’ve stop bugging him. I beg him a couple of times until it hits me to just stop. Right now, Im just sending casual messages like greetings and good day. But I should probably stop that too right? He didntt blocked me off but rather ignored messages only in social media accounts.I just dont know what to do anymore and currently we are on Lond distance relationship. No contact rule will still be valid? Is it okay to atleast send him a message for the last time??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 10:37 am

      Hi Janine, I would suggest that you just go into No Contact and stop reaching out as all your attempts have failed this last one will not help. You are just enforcing his decision

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