It’s common knowledge that if you want your ex boyfriend back the last thing that you should do is beg for him back.

Unfortunately the vast majority of women who seek advice on this site have committed this cardinal sin.

How do I know this?

How do you think I came up with the idea for this article?

reason

A few days ago I received this comment asking if I could write an in-depth article about how to handle a situation if you have tried to get your ex boyfriend back by begging and failed.

Now, my first initial thought was,

“Pshh… I have totally already written an article about that before.”

But after about ten minutes of searching on my site I discovered that I hadn’t.

Talk about dropping the ball…

dropping the ball

Anyways, I got on the case immediately and here we are.

This article is dedicated to the women out there who desperately want their ex boyfriends back but have made a lot of mistakes in getting him back (particularly begging…)

Lets get right to it…

What Is Begging & Why It Probably Won’t Work On Your Ex

precious

What is this thing that they call… Begging?

Well, lets turn to the dictionary to define it and then apply that definition to your ex.

Begging-asking for something, typically food or money, as charity or a gift.

Now, in your case begging isn’t being applied to food or money (unless you have ulterior motives with your ex.) Begging is being applied to the fact that you are going to be asking him to be in a relationship with you again.

Let me give you an example.

If you ran into your ex boyfriend tomorrow and then got on your hands and knees and asked him to take you back then that would be classified as begging.

Pretty standard stuff, right?

Well, lets get into something a bit more complicated now and turn our attention to why begging usually never works to win back an ex boyfriend.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Why Begging Usually Never Works

With the simple act of begging you are putting yourself in a position of weakness.

What do I mean by that?

Ok, lets pretend that we have the beggar and the receiver.

The Beggar = The person who is begging for something.

The Receiver = The person who is receiving the begging from the beggar.

Hmm… perhaps it’s better if I illustrate this,

beggar and receiver picture

Now, when you look at this picture which person/stick figure looks like they are in a position of power and which person/stick figure looks like they are in a position of weakness?

The Receiver = Powerful

The Beggar = Weak

I mean, what I am talking about here is not rocket science but what is it about being in that position of weakness that is such a turn off to men?

Hmm…

In order to properly explain this to you I am going to have to ask you to draw on some pretty dark thoughts.

You ready?

There has to be some guy in your life that you think you are WAY better than. A guy who you would never date in a million years. Now, what I want you to do is think of that person.

Have you thought of him yet?

Good!

Ok, now I want you to imagine this person who you think you are better than (and who you would never date) begging for you to date him.

That’s kind of what’s happening with you and your ex boyfriend.

That’s how he views you and every single time that you beg for him back you are setting yourself back further and further.

Pretty depressing, right?

Well, don’t wallow in depression too long because I have some good news for you.

Just because you begged for your ex boyfriend back and he views you this way doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome it. In fact, I have made a career out of teaching women who are in this sorry state to overcome it and I am going to teach you my tricks right here, right now!

I Want You To Fully Understand Your Predicament

nothing

So, this article is operating under the assumption that you have already begged for your ex boyfriend back and it has proven to be a huge turnoff for him.

You understand that, right?

Well, what if you were to just try to get him back right now without trying any of my strategies?

Do you think you would succeed?

Eh… probably not and I am going to explain why.

The Salesman Analogy

inception

Lets pretend that you are sitting at home one day and you are reading an incredible book.

What’s the book?

Hmm…

Good question… actually stop getting me off topic.

So you are reading this book and you are getting really into it and then all of a sudden there is a knock on the door.

“Jesus… Why does someone have to bug me right now?” you think to yourself.

Of course, being the kind person you are you decide to get up and answer the door.

Guess who it is?

It’s a salesman.

“Oh god… I just want to slam the door in his face” you daydream.

Immediately upon you opening the door the salesman goes into a massive sales pitch discussing why you should buy his product.

You tell him very nicely that you aren’t interested….

He continues to pitch.

You tell him again…

He’s still pitching.

“Ok, it has gotten to the point where I am just going to say goodbye and slam the door in his face” you think.

This is a perfect analogy for whats going to happen if you try to pitch your ex boyfriend on another relationship with you right now.

Take a look at the story I just told.

Look how many components there are to it.

  • The comfortability you were feeling reading the book.
  • The knock on the door
  • The salesman
  • The annoying pitch
  • You slamming the door in his face

Care to take a guess at what these components really mean for your situation?

The Comfortability You Were Feeling Reading The Book

This is the equivalent of having your ex boyfriend feel really comfortable in the situation he is in right now.

The two of you broke up and as much as I hate to tell you this he is probably comfortable with that fact (especially if he was the one who initiated the break.)

The Knock On The Door

We already know your ex boyfriend is comfortable in his current situation (being single) and the knock on the door can be compared to if you reached out to him out of the blue and it shocked him. Basically it’s you contacting him when he doesn’t expect it.

The Salesman

It’s YOU!

The Annoying Pitch

This is the begging.

It’s where you get on you hands and knees and ask him to take you back. Now, early on I established that begging for an ex boyfriend is usually only going to accomplish one thing…. it’s going to annoy him.

Which brings me to my next point.

You Slamming The Door In His Face

Is the equivalent of him slamming the relationship door in your face.

It’s him rejecting you.

What’s the point of me explaining this analogy to you?

It’s to further cement the fact that you cannot succeed in getting your ex boyfriend back using a regular strategy. You are going to have to completely re-work the way you approach him.

Now, let me ask you a question.

What would a door to door salesman who is selling…. lets say a vacuum…. have to do to convert you into a sale?

What Would A Salesman Have To Do To Convert You?

Let me set this up a bit before I get into it.

Lets say that you are in the market for a vacuum.

And one day you hear a knock at your door and you open it and see a door to door salesman who is selling vacuums. What would he have to do, knowing the odds are stacked against him, to convert you into a sale?

Why are the odds stacked against him?

Well, there are two things that stack the odds against him.

  • He is coming into your personal space to pitch you a product
  • He is a salesman so you are automatically suspicious

So, what would he have to do to make you take out your money and buy one of his vacuums?

Well, first things first… he is going to have to overcome the odds.

How He Can Overcome The Odds

What if you had come to this website and were immediately greeted by an ad.

annoying ad

So, you do what almost everyone does and clicks the little “x” button to kill it so you can read the information you are interested in.

Unfortunately the second you click the “x” button another ad pops up,

annoying ad 2

This happens four times in a row.

Do you think you’d be pretty pissed?

I know I would.

No one wants to be pitched ads. Least of all in their personal space like a phone or a computer.

And this stigma follows a door to door salesman who is selling vacuums.

No one wants to open the door up to their house and immediately be greeted by a person who is trying to sell them something. They just don’t.

I am sure you can relate to that, right?

Well, lets try to relate to the salesman now. What do you think he should do to disarm this negative stigma that he is going to get right out of the gate for just being a salesman?

Hmm…

I would say that he should try to disarm you so at least you’d be open to hearing the pitch.

He should wait for you to open the door and instead of launching into a sales pitch he should try to tell you a compelling story. Something that maybe would draw you in and make you look at him not as a salesman but as a trustworthy guy.

In other words, he should try to offer some VALUE to you.

But here is the most important part.

He can’t try to sell the vacuum to you on the spot. It’s probably going to take a few days of building value up before he can do that. Instead, he should just aim to give you his card with his information on it.

How the hell can a salesman who sells vacuums door to door do this?

While I’ll admit that it’s not an easy task I would say that he should try telling a story like this,

Hi there, I know this is going to sound really weird but I was just talking to your friend Kathy down the street (at least she said she was your friend) and she mentioned that you are looking for a new vacuum since your vacuum cleaner broke. I actually sell vacuums door to door for a living (weird career choice I know.) Anyways, I am not going to try to sell you a vacuum today because I don’t believe in pressuring people to buy. And I know there is a negative stigma attached to people like me. All I wanted to do is just stop by to give you my card in case you did become interested. Oh, and I always believe in putting people first so if you do decide to buy a vacuum at some point and it’s not from me don’t be afraid to call me and ask my opinion on it. I am happy to help you even if I don’t get any compensation for it.

Do you see how a story like that would work?

Do you see how the salesman built value and structured things in a way that made you almost exclusively want to buy from him?

Now, what does any of this have to do with you getting your ex back if you begged?

Well, this subtle approach is what you are going to have to do if you are going to have any chance of winning him back.

Because after all, you are basically trying to sell yourself to your ex here but you kind of screwed up your sales pitch already.

But don’t worry… that’s what I am here for.

I am going to show you the correct type of sales pitch that you are going to have to implement to have a chance.

Are you ready?

Ya?

Well, slow down there for a second. First we need to understand what odds you have working against you.

What Odds Do You Have Working Against You If You Begged?

odds

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that you have a lot working against you if you begged for your ex boyfriend back. In this section I intend to examine the exact odds that you are going to have to overcome in order to get your boyfriend back.

Are you read for them?

Lets get started!

  • He Looks Down On You Because You Begged
  • You Were Annoying To Him
  • He Can’t Envision A Future With You Anymore

Lets take an in-depth look at these odds.

(And believe me when I tell you that it’s really important for you to understand these.)

He Looks Down On You Because You Begged

Earlier I established that when you beg for someone back there is a beggar and a receiver.

The beggar is always in a position of weakness while the receiver is always in a position of power.

Well, the big odd that you are going to have to overcome if you begged for your boyfriend back is the fact that you are in a position of weakness and your ex is going to constantly look down on you. In other words, he is definitely going to think that he is here,

ladder

And you are here,

ladder copy

Hmm… maybe there is a better way I can go about explaining this.

Ok, lets take my wife and I’s relationship. At no point during the attraction phase when we were getting to know each other did I think,

“I am WAY better than her.”

And believe me, I have been on dates where I have thought that about the person sitting across the table from me….

Your wondering about that, huh?

Ok, I’ll open up a bit.

When I was 20 I remember going on a date with a girl that I thought was dumb.

Seriously… this girl was D… U… M… B…

And I don’t like saying that about people.

Though I will say that I learned something positive about myself from the experience. At 20 years old I was pretty content just to be going on a date with a girl that was halfway decent looking. In fact, I am sure if you were to ask me back what my requirements about dating a girl were I would probably just say that she had to be good looking and that’s it…. Pretty shallow, right?

However, after actually being on a date with a girl that only had looks going for her I realized that I found her more unattractive than an ugly girl with a really great personality.

Here is my point, if your ex boyfriend looks down on you, you are basically in the position that, that dumb girl was who I went on that date with.

Scary, huh?

You Are Annoying To Him

annoying

Lets pretend for a moment that you have a kid…

Some of you may actually have kids. But if you don’t just pretend that you do.

How old is your little bundle of hell… I mean Joy?

Lets say that he/she is around 5 years old and both of you are doing some grocery shopping.

While grocery shopping your child spots something that it wants… a toy.

Now, you being the very strict parent that you are make an internal decision that you are not going to buy that toy for your child. However, the child is determined to get it and starts begging you and when he/she doesn’t get his/her way he/she starts throwing a temper tantrum.

Annoying, huh?

Well, an ex boyfriend can look at you this way if you were especially annoying when you were begging him to come back.

You can see how this would be a problem when it comes to getting him back, right?

Hmm…

I feel I am not properly explaining this so I guess I will get personal again.

I am going to make a statement here and I want you to remember it and then after I make it I am going to back it up with proof.

A man isn’t going to date a woman who, initially, he finds annoying

Now, some of you may be wondering,

“Wait, my ex boyfriend called me annoying when we were dating. Why did he date me?”

It’s actually entirely possible that he found you annoying after he was dating you.

Use common sense.

People aren’t drawn to annoying things. It’s a simple fact of life.

Here is my proof.

Your aware of the Star Wars saga, right?

When George Lucas came out with the prequels to the original star wars trilogy fans were excited. However, after seeing “The Phantom Menace” (the first prequel) they were very disappointed. In fact, “The Phantom Menace” is widely accepted as the worst Star Wars movie and most super fans of the franchise blame one character,

jarjar

Jar Jar Binks…

The number one characteristic to describe him…

HE WAS ANNOYING!

No one wants to date a Jar Jar Binks.

He Can’t Envision A Future With You Anymore

One of the most interesting aspects of dating is picturing yourself (long term) with the person who you are with.

Let me give you an example.

When I was dating my wife I constantly envisioned what the future would be like.

Romantic getaways…

Passionate moments…

Children running in to wake us up on Christmas morning…

And all of that really appealed to me. But what if it didn’t…

What if she was really annoying during the dating phase. What if we had broken up and she had begged for me back?

Would I still be capable of imagining a future with her?

Hmm…

That’s an interesting question.

Truthfully… yes. I would still be able to envision a future with her BUT it probably wouldn’t be a positive one.

Instead of having those happy daydreams that I was having before they would probably look a little like this,

hell

Thank god for my wife being AWESOME.

Here is my ultimate point.

If your ex boyfriend considers you to be annoying (which he will if you begged for him back) any future he envisions with you is not going to be positive. Instead, it’s going to be very negative and that puts you at a HUGE disadvantage.

Let me give you another example.

Do you see this guy,

jim

That’s Jim. He’s your next boyfriend and is the most amazing person you have ever met.

In fact, I would go as far as saying that he could very well be “the one.”

But what if I told you that the second that you and him started dating officially you were guaranteed to die in a week.

Would you date him?

Unless you have a death wish then you probably wouldn’t.

And that’s what it’s kind of like when your ex boyfriend looks at a future with you negatively. It’s not very appealing to him.

So, how can we make it appealing?

How can we turn this perception that he has of you around?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Begged For Him Back

begging

There are two goals that you absolutely have to accomplish if you are going to have any chance of shedding this “begging” tag that your ex has placed on you.

  1. You have to reshape his perception of you
  2. You have to get him back from a position of power

If you can do these two things then I am confident in saying that you have a really good chance of success.

Now, above I did a huge write up on this idea of being a salesman and how there is immediate negative connotations when you try to pitch an item to someone. Instead, I pointed out that it’s more effective to slowly pitch that item by building value to your customer.

Well, that’s what we are going to do.

We are going to take our time and slowly re-shape his perception of you and then once you are confident his perception is reshaped that’s when you can go in for the kill.

I’ll talk about that in a second.

First things first… lets talk about perception.

How To Reshape Your Exes Perception Of You

Reshaping someones view of you isn’t accomplished overnight. In fact, for some people it takes YEARS. Unfortunately, we don’t have years. In fact, I am certain that after years even you will have probably lost interest in your ex.

So, time is of the essence.

So, what the hell can we do to reshape an exes perception of you in just a few months.

Well, that’s where the shock factor comes into play.

The Shock Factor

Imagine for a moment that a child is perceived as weak and is being picked on at school. Every time he attends a class other kids are picking on him by starting fights. Now, the child in question here is a pacifist by nature. He likes to avoid violence as much as humanly possible.

You see where this is going, right?

One day a kid who was picking on him pushes him to far and he decides for the first time to fight back.

He throws a punch and knocks the kid out cold…

knockout

Everyone is shocked…

That was the last thing that anyone expected him to do.

One punch is all it took for the “weak child” to be perceived as the “don’t ever mess with this kid” child.

Do you see where I am going with this?

In order for your ex boyfriend to perceive you differently you need a shock factor of your own. You need to do something that completely blows his mind.

Now, I feel it’s important that I mention that this shock that you are going to be delivering to his system needs to be positive.

I mean, can you imagine if you walked up to your ex one day and said,

“I pooped on your car…”

did what?

While that certainly classifies as a “shock” it is not going to benefit you since all pooping on your ex boyfriends car will do is alienate him into never taking you back.

You’ll forever be labeled as that crazy ex girlfriend that pooped on his car…

Hahahaha come on… you had to laugh at that.

Anyways, what kinds of things can you do to shock his system into viewing you differently?

Well, I have two things in mind.

Thing #1: The Immediate Behavior Change

Human beings love patterns and routines.

But do you know what we love more than those things?

Assumptions!

Take the example I gave about the “weak” child who delivered the punch of a century. Well, the only reason that, that example was shocking to the fake people involved is the fact that everyone assumed this child was weak when it turned out that he wasn’t.

Lets take this a step further.

Most of the amazing shocking moments that we have experienced in our lives is probably due to a deviation from our assumption.

We assume one thing and then the opposite happens… SHOCKING!

And you have an incredible opportunity here.

If you are invested in reading this then I am going to assume (there is that word again) that you begged for your ex boyfriend back to an annoying level.

That is the behavior that you have exhibited. So, doesn’t it make sense that your ex boyfriend, who is annoyed with you, is going to assume that the begging will continue since it hasn’t stopped. So, lets do something and deviate from his assumption.

How do we do this?

THE NO CONTACT RULE!

Now, I have talked about the no contact rule multiple times on this site so I am not going to do an in-depth explanation here. Instead, if you want that I suggest that you pick up PRO.

Lets move on to the second shocking thing you can do.

Thing #2: Show Him A Different Side Of Yourself

With this one we are really using your past relationship with him to our advantage.

You see, when you date someone the more you learn about them the more you assume about them.

For example, if your ex boyfriend grew up hating action movies then you would assume that he hates all action movies but maybe there is one action movie that he loves more than anything… Rambo.

Well, the second that he deviates from your assumption is the second that you are kind of shocked by it.

So here is what I want you to do. I want you to show him a different side of yourself. The most important aspect of this though is the fact that this different side that you show him has to be fascinating to him.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

But Chris… what if I have already shown him “all of my sides.”

Well in that case branch out and get a new side for yourself.

Will it take time?

Sure.

But will it be worth it?

Absolutely!

Hmm… maybe I should give you an example so I can really hammer this point home for you.

My dad always used to tell me that there are two types of girls in the world.

Indoor Girls

&

Outdoor Girls

Now, there are no hidden meanings here as the definitions for each are exactly like they sound.

  • Indoor Girls- More prone to participating in indoor activities.
  • Outdoor Girls- More prone to participating in outdoor activities.

So, lets assume that you are an indoor girl and don’t like going outside that much. Well, while your ex boyfriend was dating you he has this information filed away in his head somewhere. So, in order to change his perception of you, you decide that you are going to take sailing lessons and learn how to sail.

Oh, lets also go ahead and say you are filthy rich and own a sailing boat!

Anyways, at some point when you are trying to get him back you mention that you took these sailing lessons and ideally he will be totally shocked by this news since it completely goes against his perception of you.

Oh, and it also is a perfect opportunity to go on a date somewhere down the road.

Maybe you should take some sailing lessons and get rich 😉 .

You Have To Get Him Back From A Position Of Power

power

Power…

Such a simple word but such a strong meaning.

Right now your ex boyfriend has all the power and you have very little because of your begging.

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear but it’s the truth.

So, the question now becomes how can you get the power back?

Well, what I am about to propose is a bit risky since it really limits the risks you can take when getting an ex boyfriend back but I honestly don’t see any way to succeed in getting him back from a position of power without abiding by the rules I am about to set.

But first…

Lets Talk About Getting Him Back If You Begged

Begging for an ex back puts you in a unique position.

You see, usually the women who come to this site do things wrong in the fact that they expect their ex boyfriend to do half the things like,

  • Reaching out via text message
  • Initiating phone calls
  • Asking for the date

But the truth is that for the average breakup you should be the one doing a lot of that stuff.

You see, women have always been taught that the man is supposed to do those things and for the most part they are right. If men are the one trying to get the girl it demonstrates that he is very into the girl and the girl has most of the power at the beginning. But I argue that breakups put women in a unique position where they almost have to be the ones to scramble to get an ex back.

The one exception to my logic there is begging.

If the woman has excessively (keyword is excessively) begged for her ex boyfriend back then if she is the one to initiate any of the “big steps” to the recovery process it can almost be looked at as begging by a man and puts her in a position of weakness.

In other words, begging really puts you in a bad position for later on because you have to alter a strategy where you can control interactions by initiating them to waiting for him to initiate them.

So, whats the big deal with having an ex initiate things?

The Power Of Having An Ex Boyfriend Initiate Things

Hmm… I think I would like to do this by using a point system.

We will use something small to start off with and go from there.

Lets go with text messages. Specifically, the initiating of conversations through text messages.

Alright, lets say that text messages are worth 5 points. In other words if you initiate a text conversation you give him 5 points and if he initiates a text conversation it gives you 5 points.

He Initiates = 5 points to you

You Initiate = 5 points to him

The points basically indicate the score on who has more power.

So, lets assume that you and your ex boyfriend had a total of ten text message conversations over the past ten days.

He initiated 2 of them while you initiated 8 of them.

  • His Power Score = 40 points (since you initiated 8 conversations)
  • Your Power Score = 10 points (since he only initiated 2 conversations)

40 > 10 any day of the week. In other words, according to this example he has way more power than you. Ideally, we want you to have more power.

Now lets move on to phone calls and what they are worth.

So, I am going to say that phone calls are worth 10 points.

He Initiates = 10 points to you

You Initiate = 10 points to him

And finally we have the game changer….

Dates.

Basically I am going to classify a date as any interaction where you are spending quality time with him, preferably alone, the exception here is that sometimes you may have to go on double dates or group dates.

Dates are worth 40 points…

In other words,

He Initiates The Date = 40 points to you

You Initiate The Date = 40 points to him

Keeping Score

So, since you are in a position where you desperately begged for your ex boyfriend back I want you to do the following exercise,

From this point on I want you to play a little game. You are going to be keeping score on who starts conversations using the point system I devised above. The object of the game is to have a higher score than him.

Why is this so important to do?

It’s important because you begged and in order to understand if he is viewing you as his equal or a hot commodity you need to study if he is going out of his way to win you.

Now, I know what you are wondering.

“Ok Chris, I totally get the premise of keeping score and getting the power back but how? What tactics should I use to ensure that he is the one starting conversations?”

Well thats my trump card.

In the immortal words of the Joker,

If your good at something never do it for free.

My best recommendation is to check out my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, if you aren’t looking to spend money then I completely understand and you can ask me a question in the comments or check out some of the other articles on this website.

See ya!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. Ending conversations abruptly like I just did is part of the strategy 😉

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862 thoughts on “You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That”

  1. Avatar

    Varsha

    May 1, 2020 at 9:02 pm

    Hi,
    I am going through the worst breakup in my life. I am 25 years old, an Indian. My childhood classmate became my sweetheart when we started talking during my college days(2013). The relationship lasted for two years. Most of it was fights due to his controlling and conservative behavior. I always cried. He would breakup with me after a fight and would come back 1-2 weeks later. As the relationship went on I was getting fed up with his behavior. And finally my friends threatened me to breakup with him when he didn’t talk to me for 1 month. And last October is., October 2019, we met again. We talked and I felt like he changed a lot. So I thought of giving him another chance. The relationship went on very well with a lot of phone calls and messages daily. Months passed by and the rate of phone calls decreased. I was starting to get worried. I thought he was losing interest( but he confessed later that he was truly in love with me.) I started all the fights this time. He got fed up after some huge fights. But he said that he still loves me. Hence, he asked me to give him some space for a few weeks so that he could be back to normal. I was reluctant to do that, which is my fault, and begged him not to take break since it will make him forget me( or I thought so). This made him angry and he asked for a break up. Next day he again calls me and says that he is sorry and that I should give him space. This time I agreed. Next day I called and told him that I can’t do this anymore and that I wanted to talk to him. He said he can’t. Again break up, the cycle continued 2-3 times. Finally we both agreed on taking a break. He texted me that he loves me a lot and to wait till he is fine and back to normal. I didn’t reply. Next day that is today,he again texted me that he has thought about it thoroughly and that he surely needs a breakup. I was devastated. I begged him a lot. He told me that this time it’s final and blocked me everywhere. I am really in the verge of breaking apart. I don’t think I can tolerate this. Will be ever come back because I love him really really a loot. Will the no contact be effective if I start now.?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 8, 2020 at 12:06 am

      Hi Varsha, yes no contact will still be effective if you start and stick to it for 30 days

  2. Avatar

    Etsy

    March 28, 2020 at 8:45 pm

    Hey me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago. But 3 days before we broke up. He brought it up that he didn’t know what to do and that he wasn’t happy with me anymore . He said we was unhappy for about two months but he never told me. We made up that day because he cried to me and said he was sorry and that he can’t live without me. But then three days later he brought it up again after I made a joke about him being “mean” but after I said I was like I’m just playing and I said I loved him but he had just got done playing baseball. The game was bad and ig all he wanted was for me too calm him down but the he said he just wanted to be friends for now. It broke me because he told me 3 days before that we will fix this and get through this but ig he lied. He told me to give him space after because I went off and told him how much he meant to me and if he was going to do this then we will be friends and I guess the break up was mutualI told him to be happy with or without me but I didn’t mean it because I want to be happy with only him… I tried to give him space but it was hard for meI I would freak out about the fact that he would sometimes ignore me all night. But recently this past week he has been lying to me. He had started taking to this girl a week after we broke up but he said it was nothing serious. But he said it didn’t get serious until the other day when he snuck out to go see her in the middle of the night. That night he snuck out I knew something was wrong I tried calling him and saying things that I love him and that I would never be with anyone else while waiting for him and I was hoping he wouldn’t have sex with her but he didhe said he didn’t mean for it to happen but it did and I said how did you not mean for it to happen and what did he expect seeing a girl in the middle of the night in her room ? Alone?what made me feel worse was that the day before he had sex with me he said he did it to make me happier but it didn’t. We cuddled afterwards and talked and laughed and watched the stars after. When he was leaving he made a joke about a girl and he said her name. I knew he was hiding something. I know when he is playing around or not but he wasn’t joking and kept asking him but he ignored me. The next day I called him and we talked and he said he was in trouble because his parents accused him of sneaking out and I asked him if he did and he said he didn’t. I believed him but then on Friday I think or Saturday he came over and we talked and hung out. He also looked through my phone which I thought was weirdZ he went through my text messages. And pictures. When we got in his car I tried looking at pictures and I saw a screen record of the girls he’s been lying to me about and I asked him who it was and he said It’s just a girl. And then I got mad but I was like ok going back inside and he said this isn’t going to work out and I was like why. But I didn’t know he lied to me until the next day. I kept trying to call him that night and he told me to stop. I called him 30 timesbecause he blocked me because he made a “joke” and texted me about having sex with another girl. I panicked and I was like stop. If you’re going to joke about that then stop and i told him it hurts me and to block me if he was going to do that but he left me on read. He turned off his location and I freaked out and went off on him and told him i wasn’t stupid. He blocked me after that I kept trying to call him. I was on the floor yelling and crying in pain. I tried calling and he wouldn’t answer through his phone number. He then got tired of me. Calling and told me to stop and how he was on the phone already I asked him who it was and he wouldn’t tell me. He told me too stop and how he’ll talk to me the next day. The next day he texted me and said we were done. He told me he moved on already and he’s happy and he connected with her but he said that about me in the beginning too. He gave me hope that we would get back together but he told me to move on and it’s too late. He said he knows how he feels now and that he actually likes this girl. I panicked and he called me. I asked him if he’s met her yet and he said yes. I started crying and I asked him when and he said the other day and I said so you snuck out. She lives an hour away btw. But he said yes and how he never meant to have sex with her and how it just happened. He said that he didn’t even think of mehe blames me for alll of it. He told it was my fault and how I wasn’t willing to wait and give him space but I tried and I knew he would end up doing this. I don’t get how he could move on so quickly. This is not him. He said he’s not hurting me but he is. He lied. When I trusted him. He said he wasnt looking for anyone but that it just happened and he doesn’t even know herI just don’t know what to do. After wards he just told me to give him space. He kept saying he doesn’t know what to do and idk what he’s doing. I still have hope. And he gave me hope because he told me before that he wants me to work on myself and too give him space and we could workout. And I couldn’t. I am giving him space now it’s been almost a weekwithout talking to him and it hurts. I hope he’s thinking of me I hope he sooon realizes what he did and how he’s stilll hurt. He told me to find myself again and be the person he felll In love with. But now I’m just torn. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t even get up out of my bed. I keep seeking for help from others to calm me down. I keep getting on websites to talk to other people that have been through this. I just want to be with him again. I love him and I know deep down he stilll does and we can make it right because me and him have history. We’ve known each other for 4 years and we were best friends before we started dating. He was my first and I was his first as welll. I just want him to miss me and see what he missed. Because I know it isn’t me. I’ve just been through a lot of stress lately.

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    Chloe

    March 28, 2020 at 8:17 am

    My ex broke up with me over a month ago and the day after we broke up, we started talking again and a few days ago he told me “it’s time to move on” but I can’t and I don’t want to and we haven’t talked in 4 days and I don’t know what to do now like if I don’t talk or text him for awhile will it do anything? Will he ever text me or talk to me? Will he ever miss me? I really hope someone can help me out here because I really want him back but I don’t know what to do anymore after what he said to me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 4:16 pm

      Hi Chloe yes it will do something it will give him a chance to miss you and think that you actually are moving on. Work on yourself and your holy trinity during your no contact

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    Aly

    March 21, 2020 at 8:45 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago after dating for 6 years. We’ve lived together the whole time we dated, got a house together, we have 2 cats and a dog which mean the world to me. We were still in contact for most of the last month, and it’s obvious we still have a connection. I made a lot of mistakes while we dated, I was very irresponsible and was constantly in need of saving. He’s happier now that he doesn’t have to worry about all my crap. I’ve been working on myself and taking care of myself and becoming someone who could actually be a partner in a relationship and not just someone always needing saving but he seems like he has given up and doesn’t care if I change. Will no contact make him miss me or is it going to be the time he needs to forget me and be happier

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Aly going into a No Contact and actually focusing on yourself is going to help you if you feel that you are always the person who needs saving and if you are not secure financially then do so while you can. And then reach out with a text that Chris suggests using your knowledge of what he likes and dislikes to create a foundation to build your new relationship with him on making sure that you work up the value chain and try not to rush things

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    Xia

    February 29, 2020 at 11:07 pm

    My ex broke up with me after five and a half years of dating. He broke up with me once before but immediately regretted it and we got back together. Then after fours years of dating, he admitted that he cheated on me multiple times and begged me to take him back. I wanted space but he kept showing up to my house every day. Eventually, I took him back. He said he realized he wanted to marry me and saw a future with me and couldn’t live without me. The next couple of months were great. But I still held a lot of resentment towards him for cheating. We had a week in the beginning of February where we hardly saw each other or spoke at all. I was very depressed and upset and felt like he didn’t care about me. Instead of checking up on me, he went out with his friends. That following weekend I asked to meet up so we could talk. He broke up with me before I could even say anything. He said he loved and wanted me, but he doesn’t want the same future anymore and he’s not ready to be in a relationship. I begged and cried for him to give us another chance. And he said no. I spent the next two weeks texting and begging him. He replied sometimes but said he needed time and space. Then I went NC for three days but eventually texted him. We texted for two days. Then he started to stop. He said he doesn’t want to text frequently like we used to because we broke up. Every time I asked if we could meet up, he would say he wasn’t ready to meet up. And when I asked if a part of him still wants me back, he said “I don’t think so.” But he said he still loves and cares about me. So I finally told him that I’ll let him go and I wished him the best and told him that if we’re meant to be, then maybe one day we’ll find our way back to each other. And he replied saying “I hope so.” I’m going to try to go into NC again, but I don’t know if I blew my chance and if he really doesn’t want me back anymore.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 9:37 am

      Hi Xia, so your conversation was very emotionally focused so you need to complete a 45 day No Contact and focus on yourself where you are spending time making yourself happy, getting over the break up and the cheating etc. as it all takes it toll on a person. He is not going to come back to you when he knows you are open to the idea, you need to make him think that you are moving on from him, that is when he will start try to talking to you again. So make your social media look good, hint that you are dating others and let him worry that he has lost you.

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    Jill

    February 18, 2020 at 11:48 pm

    Hi, if you work with this person and you were seeing each other casually on and off and the decision not tp be tohether was his because you kept blocking him out, getting angry or not talking to him. If he doesnt want to be with you because you had been off, would No Contact mot just make him more annoyed and cement in his mind that negativity?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 19, 2020 at 9:36 pm

      As you work together you would have to follow a limited no contact where you would only speak with him for professional reasons. Otherwise try to avoid being around him or having conversations

  7. Avatar

    Shalin Jahagirdar

    December 27, 2019 at 7:22 am

    we just broke up after a year and a half. he just couldn’t stay committed he said. I am left completely broken bc all I ever did was love this man with all my heart. although, we remain close friends. we text a lot and said he can give it another try just not now (Idk how much of that to believe). we still talk the way we used to just without the lovey-dovey parts and the name-calling. I miss him so much and I’d do anything to get him back. idk where to start. we decided to meet after he comes back from holidays so in the next couple of weeks and I am only spending my bday with him. when I see him I want to tell him that ill wait for him and we can give it another chance after our big exams finish next year in december. am i doing this right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 12:40 am

      Hey so if you want him back then you are not doing it right I am sorry, you need to go into a No Contact and not be his friend if you want him in your life as more than a friend.

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    Clara Cepeda

    December 26, 2019 at 12:04 pm

    Hello! I’m obviously super desperate here. My ex broke up with me two month ago saying it just didn’t feel right . I begged him back on and off the whole two months. At first he said maybe we have a future And he needed space and but i kept pushing and we tried talking as friends but I kept trying to push the relationship to the point he told me it’s not in the cards to be with me again and we need time to heal now. I heard from his friends that he has been having a hard time but feels it’s best to go our separate ways. I still tried to reason with him and he recently said he didn’t want me in his life anymore but after talking to him all day about the relationship he left it at “we talked today now let it be at least for awhile “ and he gave me “tips” to get over our relationship…I obviously fed his ego..I want to try No contact but I dont know if it’ll work anymore since I feel like I killed it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 29, 2019 at 11:09 pm

      Hi Clara, you can do No Contact but you have to stick to it!

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    Destiny

    December 20, 2019 at 8:53 pm

    WOW. Thank you. I left my husband 4 months ago and I’m seeing now that I made a huge mistake. I tried to get back with him, but he feels that our upcoming divorce is a good thing. He’s moved on and enjoying this new freedom while I sit and cry and my choice. I did beg. Said all the things that I would do for just one more chance. This article is great and I wished I’d seen it sooner. Anyways, I’ve only been crazy person for one week as that is when I realized he was on the divorce band wagon as I was ready to jump off. Well, he offered to let me stay with him and the kids next week, Christmas week, so that I wouldn’t be alone and well, for my sanity. I think now that it might be a bad idea unless he sees something next week that shows him that I’m worth another chance. Please give me your advise on next week. Should I back off and not go?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 21, 2019 at 10:58 pm

      Hi Destiny, so during that week you need to be the most happy cool and calm person around, show him you are the person who he fell in love with originally and be amazing with the kids while keeping complete emotional control through the situation. I would advise not to sleep with him if the opportunity comes up because you do not want to get the situation confused. Always look good and try not to put too much pressure on the household while you stay there this week

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    Ainsley

    December 7, 2019 at 7:13 pm

    Hey so I have been with my ex for 4 years…
    We don’t argue often but when we do he always tells me the relationship is finished and says really horrible things usually within a few days it’s fine. He has really bad anger issues and can’t deal with arguments. We had an argument and He said the same as he always does but this time he appears to mean it I have behaved really badly and let my emotions take over… I have begged and pleaded for a month and he just keeps telling me to leave him alone.. I know I need to do this but somehow I just can’t. The day before we argued he told me how much he loved me and now he’s saying he doesn’t feel anything for me anymore.. I’m just very confused how something can change over night as there was no signs.. I would like some advice please

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 8, 2019 at 10:21 pm

      Hi Ainsley, so if he has a problem with arguing and anger issues, then its likely he has problems controlling other emotions too so if he is upset and doesnt want to see you right now, telling you he doesnt feel anything for you anymore is just the height of his emotions where more than likely he does still love you just had enough of fighting. So the best thing for you to do right now is give him space and do a No Contact where you a basically allowing him to have time to calm down and realise his feelings for you. A relationship with constant arguments and bickering takes it toll on people who cant deal with things like others who let go easier

  11. Avatar

    Ouma

    December 6, 2019 at 1:56 pm

    My ex boyfriend dumped I begged him for 6 days an then stopped contacting him now is 2 weeks of no contact rule..do I still have a chance of getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 5:16 pm

      Hi Ouma yes following the program will give you your best chance of getting your ex back, but you do have to do the work to get him back by reading and keeping to it

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    StillHoping

    November 28, 2019 at 7:05 pm

    Hi Chris!

    I’m not sure how to apply what I’ve read here to my situation: initially I definitely reacted with anger, expressed my sadness and heartbreak, and my disappointment at him breaking up with me. I tried to reason with him with logical arguments as to why we should give it another chance to which he even verbalised it that I’m “trying to convince him” to stay and that I should stop doing that (which I did). But I have never done any of these: texted, emailed, called several times a day or per week saying “please, please, please give me a chance / take me back”, and neither showed up at his home or place of work. I guess I’m asking if what I did do comes across as badly as texting, emailing, etc.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 28, 2019 at 9:16 pm

      Hey there SH – so you havent “gnatted” as we call it, but you did beg in the initial break up so you still have to follow a no contact rule, if that is what you were going to ask. But no you havent made your situation any worse. Leaving him alone and giving him the space after a break up is a good move!

  13. Avatar

    Sara

    November 23, 2019 at 8:26 pm

    would you also help with texting? I would like private, individual help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Sara, this is a list of all of the products we sell. Including a texting bible, and one to one coaching

  14. Avatar

    Help

    November 7, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    Hi Brad,

    I only came to know about no contact rule after a month of me and my boyfriend breaking up. We were together for nearly 2 years. I texted and emailed him a lot and begged him to stay with me, no reply from him ofcourse. The night before we broke up he said he loved me soo much. We had a fight the next day over something soo silly and now he says he doesn’t see a future with me. What should I do? He’s blocked me on all social media and my number, but I have his email I think, unless he’s blocked me on that too. I started no contact rule a week ago.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 9:24 pm

      Hey There, so Brad is a different coach. But if you are looking for advice from Chris Seiters program then. I suggest reading some more articles on this website and getting to know what you need to know about No Contact, how to be Ungettable and working on the Holy Trinity, all of this information is on this website for you.

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    Natasha

    October 21, 2019 at 12:03 pm

    Hello!my boyfriend broke up with me because for the last 2 months i was “cold” and i did not show any interest to him(we were together for almost 4 years)..we generally had communication problems . after we broke up we didn’t talk to each other for a month ,in September i initiated contact with him,we hang out together once but only as friends ..i continued texting him but he told me he doesn’t want to get back together ,he wants to be alone . I don’t know what to do because i really wanted that second chance ..now it’s already 3 months since our break up

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 21, 2019 at 8:34 pm

      Hi Natasha you need to make sure youve done a no contact where you havent spoken for 30 days and you have worked on yourself in that time. You need to reach out as a friend and talk about his interests not yours and try to get a positive conversation between you both a short one at that. And build it up slowly. adding flirting as you go.

  16. Avatar

    Cy

    October 12, 2019 at 3:33 am

    Hi .
    Me and my boyfriend lasted more that a year . He broke up me just this oct 10 ,2019. He said he got tired cause we always argued and he felt bad about himself. There were moments in the relationship I broke up with him but always went back to him cause he was the one clinging to us and it was my way of feeling my value to him . But this is the first time he broke up with me. The reason of our arguments was about time. Cause we were in an LDR relationship. We never thought of a solution to it . And when he broke up with me that’s the time i realized to value the time he spends with me rather than arguing with him.

    He broke up with me through phone but I went up to him and begged . He even said he doesn’t see a future of me in it . Harsh words were definitely said . But i asked him if he still loved me ,asked him to tell me he didn’t . He said it’ll be a lie if he said he doesn’t. But it was “no longer about love ” he said. After that i went home still broken and this day oct 12 i decided to let him go to just cut the contract to give him the freedom he wants. Despite all that , i still want him back . When a person who broke up with you despite the fact that they love you , will they ever come back ??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 12, 2019 at 11:26 pm

      Hi Cy, it is possible that exes come back when they still have feelings you just need to make sure you do the work to get yourself prepared and to make yourself the best version of you.

  17. Avatar

    Alli

    August 14, 2019 at 5:55 am

    I was with someone 3/4 months who I spent a lot of time with and went on road trips, camping, bike rides, out to eat. He was maybe 6 months out of a toxic 5 year relationship. I was probably his rebound but I fell really hard for him. He wanted to take things slow and it wasn’t some whirlwind romance. It was us spending a lot of time together getting to know each other but also me now having a clue how he really felt. This lead to some fights at the 2/3 month mark after he told me he is moving to be closer to his daughter I wanted to know what we were doing. I think this pushed him away. He still tried to discuss the he wanted to take things sloe and even continue seeing me after he moved but I don’t know now if it was all just b.s. I became more ad more needy as he became distant and he broke up with me this past week saying I was “too much” for him and that we are emotionally incompatible but also that he realized he didn’t want a relationship. Yes all cards against me. I also begged and he told me I need to stop. I unfollowed him last night and plan to do no contact to heal. While I begged he said we are not getting back together. All obvious signs to never have hope. I am having on because I feel I was falling in love with him and even though everything is against me I hope one day he may remember the good times we have. I feel very desperate and dumb for begging him to reconsider. I think I am holding in to false hope, but its the only thing that gets me through the day right now.

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    Kacey

    August 7, 2019 at 10:23 pm

    Hi Chris!
    I have been in an amazing relationship for 6 years, Christmas I fell out with his mum then in January my ex asked me for space and ghosted me.. I chased him hard, going to the pub he works at (Im a regular there) to constantly begging him to try with me. For 6 months we carried on going on dates twice a week and still sleeping together, I was stupid and said I will be here for when he is ready to comitt.
    Last month I found he had taken an older woman away for his birthday weekend and they have been sleeping together for a while. It ended nasty, police involved and he blocked me on everything because of how I re acted. I was SO hurt. Everyday after I got friends to message, rang his work, constantly begged. 2 weeks ago I saw him and he held me for ages and said he loves me and wants a future but he needs time and to give him time. I said if you want me gone I’ll go for good and he said no. I went 1 week no contact till Saturday gone and he unblocked me, messaged me but we ended up arguing drunk and he blocked me again. Yesterday I messaged him saying I’m sorry for pushing you Ive been in the wrong etc.. I love you to pieces but if you want me to I will let go its gone on far too long.. we both need to be happy and this arguing is breaking me, that I wont contact him and he knows where I am when hes ready.

    I am terrorfied Ive lost him for good, I cant see my life without him. So Ive started NC again and Ive joint the gym and arranged outings with friends, but oh my god this pain.. I feel such a failure and I’ve ruined everything!

  19. Avatar

    Sarah

    July 14, 2019 at 5:25 pm

    What if we work at the same company? What If I see him everyday and the point system doesn’t work because I see his face everyday, how to shock him and do something not usual?

  20. Avatar

    Adriel

    June 28, 2019 at 5:55 pm

    Omg you write so well. Thank you for this ❤️❗️

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 28, 2019 at 7:41 pm

      Your welcome Adriel

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