You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

It’s common knowledge that if you want your ex boyfriend back the last thing that you should do is beg for him back.

Unfortunately the vast majority of women who seek advice on this site have committed this cardinal sin.

How do I know this?

How do you think I came up with the idea for this article?

reason

A few days ago I received this comment asking if I could write an in-depth article about how to handle a situation if you have tried to get your ex boyfriend back by begging and failed.

Now, my first initial thought was,

“Pshh… I have totally already written an article about that before.”

But after about ten minutes of searching on my site I discovered that I hadn’t.

Talk about dropping the ball…

dropping the ball

Anyways, I got on the case immediately and here we are.

This article is dedicated to the women out there who desperately want their ex boyfriends back but have made a lot of mistakes in getting him back (particularly begging…)

Lets get right to it…

BUT FIRST… There’s Something Important You Need To Know

I have been helping men and women get back with their exes for over half a decade and I have learned that most people have preconceived notions when they end up on my site. They think that all they have to do is follow the directions that I give them on the page and they are good to go. Now, while this may hold true in some cases I will say that getting an ex back is usually such a complex process that I can’t explain everything there is to explain in one simple article.

Luckily, I have created an “ultimate resource” for you to follow to not only get your ex back but to understand why they are acting the way they are acting.

All you have to do learn about this resource is to click the button below!

Get Relief FasterWith Tactics I Can't Put on the Blog...

 

What Is Begging & Why It Probably Won’t Work On Your Ex

precious

What is this thing that they call… Begging?

Well, lets turn to the dictionary to define it and then apply that definition to your ex.

Begging-asking for something, typically food or money, as charity or a gift.

Now, in your case begging isn’t being applied to food or money (unless you have ulterior motives with your ex.) Begging is being applied to the fact that you are going to be asking him to be in a relationship with you again.

Let me give you an example.

If you ran into your ex boyfriend tomorrow and then got on your hands and knees and asked him to take you back then that would be classified as begging.

Pretty standard stuff, right?

Well, lets get into something a bit more complicated now and turn our attention to why begging usually never works to win back an ex boyfriend.

Why Begging Usually Never Works

With the simple act of begging you are putting yourself in a position of weakness.

What do I mean by that?

Ok, lets pretend that we have the beggar and the receiver.

The Beggar = The person who is begging for something.

The Receiver = The person who is receiving the begging from the beggar.

Hmm… perhaps it’s better if I illustrate this,

beggar and receiver picture

Now, when you look at this picture which person/stick figure looks like they are in a position of power and which person/stick figure looks like they are in a position of weakness?

The Receiver = Powerful

The Beggar = Weak

I mean, what I am talking about here is not rocket science but what is it about being in that position of weakness that is such a turn off to men?

Hmm…

In order to properly explain this to you I am going to have to ask you to draw on some pretty dark thoughts.

You ready?

There has to be some guy in your life that you think you are WAY better than. A guy who you would never date in a million years. Now, what I want you to do is think of that person.

Have you thought of him yet?

Good!

Ok, now I want you to imagine this person who you think you are better than (and who you would never date) begging for you to date him.

That’s kind of what’s happening with you and your ex boyfriend.

That’s how he views you and every single time that you beg for him back you are setting yourself back further and further.

Pretty depressing, right?

Well, don’t wallow in depression too long because I have some good news for you.

Just because you begged for your ex boyfriend back and he views you this way doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome it. In fact, I have made a career out of teaching women who are in this sorry state to overcome it and I am going to teach you my tricks right here, right now!

I Want You To Fully Understand Your Predicament

nothing

So, this article is operating under the assumption that you have already begged for your ex boyfriend back and it has proven to be a huge turnoff for him.

You understand that, right?

Well, what if you were to just try to get him back right now without trying any of my strategies?

Do you think you would succeed?

Eh… probably not and I am going to explain why.

The Salesman Analogy

inception

Lets pretend that you are sitting at home one day and you are reading an incredible book.

What’s the book?

Hmm…

Good question… actually stop getting me off topic.

So you are reading this book and you are getting really into it and then all of a sudden there is a knock on the door.

“Jesus… Why does someone have to bug me right now?” you think to yourself.

Of course, being the kind person you are you decide to get up and answer the door.

Guess who it is?

It’s a salesman.

“Oh god… I just want to slam the door in his face” you daydream.

Immediately upon you opening the door the salesman goes into a massive sales pitch discussing why you should buy his product.

You tell him very nicely that you aren’t interested….

He continues to pitch.

You tell him again…

He’s still pitching.

“Ok, it has gotten to the point where I am just going to say goodbye and slam the door in his face” you think.

This is a perfect analogy for whats going to happen if you try to pitch your ex boyfriend on another relationship with you right now.

Take a look at the story I just told.

Look how many components there are to it.

  • The comfortability you were feeling reading the book.
  • The knock on the door
  • The salesman
  • The annoying pitch
  • You slamming the door in his face

Care to take a guess at what these components really mean for your situation?

The Comfortability You Were Feeling Reading The Book

This is the equivalent of having your ex boyfriend feel really comfortable in the situation he is in right now.

The two of you broke up and as much as I hate to tell you this he is probably comfortable with that fact (especially if he was the one who initiated the break.)

The Knock On The Door

We already know your ex boyfriend is comfortable in his current situation (being single) and the knock on the door can be compared to if you reached out to him out of the blue and it shocked him. Basically it’s you contacting him when he doesn’t expect it.

The Salesman

It’s YOU!

The Annoying Pitch

This is the begging.

It’s where you get on you hands and knees and ask him to take you back. Now, early on I established that begging for an ex boyfriend is usually only going to accomplish one thing…. it’s going to annoy him.

Which brings me to my next point.

You Slamming The Door In His Face

Is the equivalent of him slamming the relationship door in your face.

It’s him rejecting you.

What’s the point of me explaining this analogy to you?

It’s to further cement the fact that you cannot succeed in getting your ex boyfriend back using a regular strategy. You are going to have to completely re-work the way you approach him.

Now, let me ask you a question.

What would a door to door salesman who is selling…. lets say a vacuum…. have to do to convert you into a sale?

What Would A Salesman Have To Do To Convert You?

Let me set this up a bit before I get into it.

Lets say that you are in the market for a vacuum.

And one day you hear a knock at your door and you open it and see a door to door salesman who is selling vacuums. What would he have to do, knowing the odds are stacked against him, to convert you into a sale?

Why are the odds stacked against him?

Well, there are two things that stack the odds against him.

  • He is coming into your personal space to pitch you a product
  • He is a salesman so you are automatically suspicious

So, what would he have to do to make you take out your money and buy one of his vacuums?

Well, first things first… he is going to have to overcome the odds.

How He Can Overcome The Odds

What if you had come to this website and were immediately greeted by an ad.

annoying ad

So, you do what almost everyone does and clicks the little “x” button to kill it so you can read the information you are interested in.

Unfortunately the second you click the “x” button another ad pops up,

annoying ad 2

This happens four times in a row.

Do you think you’d be pretty pissed?

I know I would.

No one wants to be pitched ads. Least of all in their personal space like a phone or a computer.

And this stigma follows a door to door salesman who is selling vacuums.

No one wants to open the door up to their house and immediately be greeted by a person who is trying to sell them something. They just don’t.

I am sure you can relate to that, right?

Well, lets try to relate to the salesman now. What do you think he should do to disarm this negative stigma that he is going to get right out of the gate for just being a salesman?

Hmm…

I would say that he should try to disarm you so at least you’d be open to hearing the pitch.

He should wait for you to open the door and instead of launching into a sales pitch he should try to tell you a compelling story. Something that maybe would draw you in and make you look at him not as a salesman but as a trustworthy guy.

In other words, he should try to offer some VALUE to you.

But here is the most important part.

He can’t try to sell the vacuum to you on the spot. It’s probably going to take a few days of building value up before he can do that. Instead, he should just aim to give you his card with his information on it.

How the hell can a salesman who sells vacuums door to door do this?

While I’ll admit that it’s not an easy task I would say that he should try telling a story like this,

Hi there, I know this is going to sound really weird but I was just talking to your friend Kathy down the street (at least she said she was your friend) and she mentioned that you are looking for a new vacuum since your vacuum cleaner broke. I actually sell vacuums door to door for a living (weird career choice I know.) Anyways, I am not going to try to sell you a vacuum today because I don’t believe in pressuring people to buy. And I know there is a negative stigma attached to people like me. All I wanted to do is just stop by to give you my card in case you did become interested. Oh, and I always believe in putting people first so if you do decide to buy a vacuum at some point and it’s not from me don’t be afraid to call me and ask my opinion on it. I am happy to help you even if I don’t get any compensation for it.

Do you see how a story like that would work?

Do you see how the salesman built value and structured things in a way that made you almost exclusively want to buy from him?

Now, what does any of this have to do with you getting your ex back if you begged?

Well, this subtle approach is what you are going to have to do if you are going to have any chance of winning him back.

Because after all, you are basically trying to sell yourself to your ex here but you kind of screwed up your sales pitch already.

But don’t worry… that’s what I am here for.

I am going to show you the correct type of sales pitch that you are going to have to implement to have a chance.

Are you ready?

Ya?

Well, slow down there for a second. First we need to understand what odds you have working against you.

What Odds Do You Have Working Against You If You Begged?

odds

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that you have a lot working against you if you begged for your ex boyfriend back. In this section I intend to examine the exact odds that you are going to have to overcome in order to get your boyfriend back.

Are you read for them?

Lets get started!

  • He Looks Down On You Because You Begged
  • You Were Annoying To Him
  • He Can’t Envision A Future With You Anymore

Lets take an in-depth look at these odds.

(And believe me when I tell you that it’s really important for you to understand these.)

He Looks Down On You Because You Begged

Earlier I established that when you beg for someone back there is a beggar and a receiver.

The beggar is always in a position of weakness while the receiver is always in a position of power.

Well, the big odd that you are going to have to overcome if you begged for your boyfriend back is the fact that you are in a position of weakness and your ex is going to constantly look down on you. In other words, he is definitely going to think that he is here,

ladder

And you are here,

ladder copy

Hmm… maybe there is a better way I can go about explaining this.

Ok, lets take my wife and I’s relationship. At no point during the attraction phase when we were getting to know each other did I think,

“I am WAY better than her.”

And believe me, I have been on dates where I have thought that about the person sitting across the table from me….

Your wondering about that, huh?

Ok, I’ll open up a bit.

When I was 20 I remember going on a date with a girl that I thought was dumb.

Seriously… this girl was D… U… M… B…

And I don’t like saying that about people.

Though I will say that I learned something positive about myself from the experience. At 20 years old I was pretty content just to be going on a date with a girl that was halfway decent looking. In fact, I am sure if you were to ask me back what my requirements about dating a girl were I would probably just say that she had to be good looking and that’s it…. Pretty shallow, right?

However, after actually being on a date with a girl that only had looks going for her I realized that I found her more unattractive than an ugly girl with a really great personality.

Here is my point, if your ex boyfriend looks down on you, you are basically in the position that, that dumb girl was who I went on that date with.

Scary, huh?

You Are Annoying To Him

annoying

Lets pretend for a moment that you have a kid…

Some of you may actually have kids. But if you don’t just pretend that you do.

How old is your little bundle of hell… I mean Joy?

Lets say that he/she is around 5 years old and both of you are doing some grocery shopping.

While grocery shopping your child spots something that it wants… a toy.

Now, you being the very strict parent that you are make an internal decision that you are not going to buy that toy for your child. However, the child is determined to get it and starts begging you and when he/she doesn’t get his/her way he/she starts throwing a temper tantrum.

Annoying, huh?

Well, an ex boyfriend can look at you this way if you were especially annoying when you were begging him to come back.

You can see how this would be a problem when it comes to getting him back, right?

Hmm…

I feel I am not properly explaining this so I guess I will get personal again.

I am going to make a statement here and I want you to remember it and then after I make it I am going to back it up with proof.

A man isn’t going to date a woman who, initially, he finds annoying

Now, some of you may be wondering,

“Wait, my ex boyfriend called me annoying when we were dating. Why did he date me?”

It’s actually entirely possible that he found you annoying after he was dating you.

Use common sense.

People aren’t drawn to annoying things. It’s a simple fact of life.

Here is my proof.

Your aware of the Star Wars saga, right?

When George Lucas came out with the prequels to the original star wars trilogy fans were excited. However, after seeing “The Phantom Menace” (the first prequel) they were very disappointed. In fact, “The Phantom Menace” is widely accepted as the worst Star Wars movie and most super fans of the franchise blame one character,

jarjar

Jar Jar Binks…

The number one characteristic to describe him…

HE WAS ANNOYING!

No one wants to date a Jar Jar Binks.

He Can’t Envision A Future With You Anymore

One of the most interesting aspects of dating is picturing yourself (long term) with the person who you are with.

Let me give you an example.

When I was dating my wife I constantly envisioned what the future would be like.

Romantic getaways…

Passionate moments…

Children running in to wake us up on Christmas morning…

And all of that really appealed to me. But what if it didn’t…

What if she was really annoying during the dating phase. What if we had broken up and she had begged for me back?

Would I still be capable of imagining a future with her?

Hmm…

That’s an interesting question.

Truthfully… yes. I would still be able to envision a future with her BUT it probably wouldn’t be a positive one.

Instead of having those happy daydreams that I was having before they would probably look a little like this,

hell

Thank god for my wife being AWESOME.

Here is my ultimate point.

If your ex boyfriend considers you to be annoying (which he will if you begged for him back) any future he envisions with you is not going to be positive. Instead, it’s going to be very negative and that puts you at a HUGE disadvantage.

Let me give you another example.

Do you see this guy,

jim

That’s Jim. He’s your next boyfriend and is the most amazing person you have ever met.

In fact, I would go as far as saying that he could very well be “the one.”

But what if I told you that the second that you and him started dating officially you were guaranteed to die in a week.

Would you date him?

Unless you have a death wish then you probably wouldn’t.

And that’s what it’s kind of like when your ex boyfriend looks at a future with you negatively. It’s not very appealing to him.

So, how can we make it appealing?

How can we turn this perception that he has of you around?

How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Begged For Him Back

begging

There are two goals that you absolutely have to accomplish if you are going to have any chance of shedding this “begging” tag that your ex has placed on you.

  1. You have to reshape his perception of you
  2. You have to get him back from a position of power

If you can do these two things then I am confident in saying that you have a really good chance of success.

Now, above I did a huge write up on this idea of being a salesman and how there is immediate negative connotations when you try to pitch an item to someone. Instead, I pointed out that it’s more effective to slowly pitch that item by building value to your customer.

Well, that’s what we are going to do.

We are going to take our time and slowly re-shape his perception of you and then once you are confident his perception is reshaped that’s when you can go in for the kill.

I’ll talk about that in a second.

First things first… lets talk about perception.

How To Reshape Your Exes Perception Of You

Reshaping someones view of you isn’t accomplished overnight. In fact, for some people it takes YEARS. Unfortunately, we don’t have years. In fact, I am certain that after years even you will have probably lost interest in your ex.

So, time is of the essence.

So, what the hell can we do to reshape an exes perception of you in just a few months.

Well, that’s where the shock factor comes into play.

The Shock Factor

Imagine for a moment that a child is perceived as weak and is being picked on at school. Every time he attends a class other kids are picking on him by starting fights. Now, the child in question here is a pacifist by nature. He likes to avoid violence as much as humanly possible.

You see where this is going, right?

One day a kid who was picking on him pushes him to far and he decides for the first time to fight back.

He throws a punch and knocks the kid out cold…

knockout

Everyone is shocked…

That was the last thing that anyone expected him to do.

One punch is all it took for the “weak child” to be perceived as the “don’t ever mess with this kid” child.

Do you see where I am going with this?

In order for your ex boyfriend to perceive you differently you need a shock factor of your own. You need to do something that completely blows his mind.

Now, I feel it’s important that I mention that this shock that you are going to be delivering to his system needs to be positive.

I mean, can you imagine if you walked up to your ex one day and said,

“I pooped on your car…”

did what?

While that certainly classifies as a “shock” it is not going to benefit you since all pooping on your ex boyfriends car will do is alienate him into never taking you back.

You’ll forever be labeled as that crazy ex girlfriend that pooped on his car…

Hahahaha come on… you had to laugh at that.

Anyways, what kinds of things can you do to shock his system into viewing you differently?

Well, I have two things in mind.

Thing #1: The Immediate Behavior Change

Human beings love patterns and routines.

But do you know what we love more than those things?

Assumptions!

Take the example I gave about the “weak” child who delivered the punch of a century. Well, the only reason that, that example was shocking to the fake people involved is the fact that everyone assumed this child was weak when it turned out that he wasn’t.

Lets take this a step further.

Most of the amazing shocking moments that we have experienced in our lives is probably due to a deviation from our assumption.

We assume one thing and then the opposite happens… SHOCKING!

And you have an incredible opportunity here.

If you are invested in reading this then I am going to assume (there is that word again) that you begged for your ex boyfriend back to an annoying level.

That is the behavior that you have exhibited. So, doesn’t it make sense that your ex boyfriend, who is annoyed with you, is going to assume that the begging will continue since it hasn’t stopped. So, lets do something and deviate from his assumption.

How do we do this?

THE NO CONTACT RULE!

Now, I have talked about the no contact rule multiple times on this site so I am not going to do an in-depth explanation here. Instead, if you want that I suggest that you pick up PRO.

Lets move on to the second shocking thing you can do.

Thing #2: Show Him A Different Side Of Yourself

With this one we are really using your past relationship with him to our advantage.

You see, when you date someone the more you learn about them the more you assume about them.

For example, if your ex boyfriend grew up hating action movies then you would assume that he hates all action movies but maybe there is one action movie that he loves more than anything… Rambo.

Well, the second that he deviates from your assumption is the second that you are kind of shocked by it.

So here is what I want you to do. I want you to show him a different side of yourself. The most important aspect of this though is the fact that this different side that you show him has to be fascinating to him.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

But Chris… what if I have already shown him “all of my sides.”

Well in that case branch out and get a new side for yourself.

Will it take time?

Sure.

But will it be worth it?

Absolutely!

Hmm… maybe I should give you an example so I can really hammer this point home for you.

My dad always used to tell me that there are two types of girls in the world.

Indoor Girls

&

Outdoor Girls

Now, there are no hidden meanings here as the definitions for each are exactly like they sound.

  • Indoor Girls- More prone to participating in indoor activities.
  • Outdoor Girls- More prone to participating in outdoor activities.

So, lets assume that you are an indoor girl and don’t like going outside that much. Well, while your ex boyfriend was dating you he has this information filed away in his head somewhere. So, in order to change his perception of you, you decide that you are going to take sailing lessons and learn how to sail.

Oh, lets also go ahead and say you are filthy rich and own a sailing boat!

Anyways, at some point when you are trying to get him back you mention that you took these sailing lessons and ideally he will be totally shocked by this news since it completely goes against his perception of you.

Oh, and it also is a perfect opportunity to go on a date somewhere down the road.

Maybe you should take some sailing lessons and get rich 😉 .

You Have To Get Him Back From A Position Of Power

power

Power…

Such a simple word but such a strong meaning.

Right now your ex boyfriend has all the power and you have very little because of your begging.

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear but it’s the truth.

So, the question now becomes how can you get the power back?

Well, what I am about to propose is a bit risky since it really limits the risks you can take when getting an ex boyfriend back but I honestly don’t see any way to succeed in getting him back from a position of power without abiding by the rules I am about to set.

But first…

Lets Talk About Getting Him Back If You Begged

Begging for an ex back puts you in a unique position.

You see, usually the women who come to this site do things wrong in the fact that they expect their ex boyfriend to do half the things like,

  • Reaching out via text message
  • Initiating phone calls
  • Asking for the date

But the truth is that for the average breakup you should be the one doing a lot of that stuff.

You see, women have always been taught that the man is supposed to do those things and for the most part they are right. If men are the one trying to get the girl it demonstrates that he is very into the girl and the girl has most of the power at the beginning. But I argue that breakups put women in a unique position where they almost have to be the ones to scramble to get an ex back.

The one exception to my logic there is begging.

If the woman has excessively (keyword is excessively) begged for her ex boyfriend back then if she is the one to initiate any of the “big steps” to the recovery process it can almost be looked at as begging by a man and puts her in a position of weakness.

In other words, begging really puts you in a bad position for later on because you have to alter a strategy where you can control interactions by initiating them to waiting for him to initiate them.

So, whats the big deal with having an ex initiate things?

The Power Of Having An Ex Boyfriend Initiate Things

Hmm… I think I would like to do this by using a point system.

We will use something small to start off with and go from there.

Lets go with text messages. Specifically, the initiating of conversations through text messages.

Alright, lets say that text messages are worth 5 points. In other words if you initiate a text conversation you give him 5 points and if he initiates a text conversation it gives you 5 points.

He Initiates = 5 points to you

You Initiate = 5 points to him

The points basically indicate the score on who has more power.

So, lets assume that you and your ex boyfriend had a total of ten text message conversations over the past ten days.

He initiated 2 of them while you initiated 8 of them.

  • His Power Score = 40 points (since you initiated 8 conversations)
  • Your Power Score = 10 points (since he only initiated 2 conversations)

40 > 10 any day of the week. In other words, according to this example he has way more power than you. Ideally, we want you to have more power.

Now lets move on to phone calls and what they are worth.

So, I am going to say that phone calls are worth 10 points.

He Initiates = 10 points to you

You Initiate = 10 points to him

And finally we have the game changer….

Dates.

Basically I am going to classify a date as any interaction where you are spending quality time with him, preferably alone, the exception here is that sometimes you may have to go on double dates or group dates.

Dates are worth 40 points…

In other words,

He Initiates The Date = 40 points to you

You Initiate The Date = 40 points to him

Keeping Score

So, since you are in a position where you desperately begged for your ex boyfriend back I want you to do the following exercise,

From this point on I want you to play a little game. You are going to be keeping score on who starts conversations using the point system I devised above. The object of the game is to have a higher score than him.

Why is this so important to do?

It’s important because you begged and in order to understand if he is viewing you as his equal or a hot commodity you need to study if he is going out of his way to win you.

Now, I know what you are wondering.

“Ok Chris, I totally get the premise of keeping score and getting the power back but how? What tactics should I use to ensure that he is the one starting conversations?”

Well thats my trump card.

In the immortal words of the Joker,

If your good at something never do it for free.

My best recommendation is to check out my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, if you aren’t looking to spend money then I completely understand and you can ask me a question in the comments or check out some of the other articles on this website.

See ya!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. Ending conversations abruptly like I just did is part of the strategy 😉

Published December 9, 2015, | Modified October 25, 2016

What Do You Think? (617)

  1. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    Hi!! I have read lots of your articles, and seen most of your videos. Unfortunately, not right after my breakup, meaning that I have messed up in most of your advises. 3 months ago, My husband left me after 12 years of marriage. None of us cheat. His priority has allways been his job and carreer, and left a little time for his daughter and me. Feeling frustrated, I started to ask for time for us and I think it got him mad at the point of just remembering the bad things of our marriage.
    I know I made a lot of mistakes that hurt him, but he is guilty too. But as you wrote in another article: since he left, all the blame on me!!! I’ve cried, begged, plead, asked for forgiveness, to come back home, I’ve said i love him, miss him, etc. We even have had sex once in a while. And… nothing has worked, he doesn’t want to come back home. I’t has been a very hard and depressing time for us.
    Now, it has been difficult to implement the NC rule or de MC, since we have a pre-teen daugther who loves and cares for her. He texts me and her every day to see how we are, if I need anything, he comes every weekend to se me and his daugher… I know He still cares for us, but he is in the up position because of all my begging. I’m trying to move on, to heal, to improve myself, to be with my daugher, etc. My questions are:
    Should I do the MC rule at this point where we see each other and text hace other often? Should my daugher do it too in order to get her father to miss her? Should I have sex with him? I don’t want him to get involved with another woman while we are separated. Or should i become the UG at this point. I need to get the power back, but I just don’t know how since we have a daugher. He “looks” so fine and happy with his loneliness, freedom and his job…

    Reply
  2. Samantha - 0

    Samantha

    Hello,
    Me and my boyfriend started dating october 2015 and i got pregnant 2 months later. He was also so lovey dovey and wanted to be with me all the time but my pregnancy hormones would make me hate him and i would be so mean to him and say i didnt love him to the point where he would cry a lot. When i was 6 months pregnant i moved in with him and it was amazing up until when the baby was born, our babys arrivial caused me to distance myself from him and i wouldnt give him any attention and then i started going out clubbing with friends and after that he started being distant until one day we had a huge argument and he said he was tired of me and that he wanted out on the relationship so i talked to my parents and his and it took me a month to move out. Today its been a month since i left his house and i begged him about 2 times but he said he doesnt love me anymore and he is happy with someone else which i think is a lie. I cant do the no contact rule due to our 4 month old daughter and i see him everytime he wants to see her. What should i do? I really love him but i feel like there is no way to get him back? Any advice please

    Reply
  3. Violet - 0

    Violet

    Can I use a video message like Chris adviced in the article about texting?

    Reply
  4. Violet - 0

    Violet

    And if it’s a longer period of nc ,is first contact any different than the one offered after 30 day period? Cuz I feel like confession text would not work in this case, but “asking for advice” would be more smooth or something.

    Thank you for your help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      at thid point, forget the previous relationship, take this as a restart..so that means 60 days is ok since it would be a restart..and yes, the first contact message should be more in tune with what’s current in your lives or in the surroundings at that time like news or about friends..

  5. Violet - 0

    Violet

    Hi Amor,
    Thank you for your response again! It makrs me feel better I could share it with someone and get advice. I am on day 40 of no contact. Now he only contactrd me once during this period. And still I feel like I need a little more time for improvement and getting a little bit over him. So is it okey to do not a 45 day nc ( cuz then it finishes in 5 days) but like 60 days or even more? Will it make things worse?

    Reply
  6. Violet - 0

    Violet

    So what I am daying I haven’t ever tried not talking to him. For 6 month after break up we were still in touch from both sides. It was just awkward and as soon as I was stopping communication he would appear again offering to meet up or something.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ah ok.. well, you dont need a one year nc then but you do need to improve yourself.. it’s common for a guy to start chasing when you ignore him.. if you want, try a 45 day no contact period

  7. Violet - 0

    Violet

    Hi, Amor.
    Thank you for your reply. No, we didn’t talk only for a month now. Its been 6 month after break up but we would still talk most of the time and meet. I guess I was needy for these 6 month. But I felt like I didn’t have any changes about me. So after these 6 month of weird communication I just no contact. After 30 days of no contact he texted but I didn’t know if it was right to break no contact after 30 days of wait more. So now is day 37 of no contact from my side.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ah ok.. well, you dont need a one year nc then but you do need to improve yourself.. it’s common for a guy to start chasing when you ignore him.. if you want, try a 45 day no contact period

  8. Violet - 0

    Violet

    Hi there,
    I’ve been reading this website for a while and now decided to ask for advice too. My boyfriend and me were together for 7 month. Perfect relationship at the beggining. We had great time together and he would say I was everything he ever looked for. After 6 month we had a fight and he became more distant. He could disappear for days and became “super busy ” for me. It would drive me mad and I would call him constantly and text him and even saying that if he doesn’t change I would break up with him. When I said it he would come apologizing and saying how much he loved me but then disappear again. So I became needy and annoying. So after a month of this he broke up with me. I begged him for a couple of days then gave him space. Three days after my silence he called saying he can’t imagine his life without me and he wants me back. I agreed to meet, we had a perfect date. But three days after we had a fight and he said that was enough and now he wanted to break up for sure. I begged him for a while after. She said I have changed and was not the same anymore. After that I would still text him pretty often,he would reply,not always tho. When I disappered he would start calling. We would meet from time to time and have good moments but then he would disappear again. And then we would constantly talk and then disapper for 6 month. I wouls talk to him every time he calls and meet with him as soon as he asks me for it.Last time we met a month ago it was cute,he said he missed me and everything around still reminds of me. And that he would check my profile pics all the time. And he still keeps my stuff and pics and videos of us. After that date he disappered again. I went no contact for a month. On the New Year Eve he texted me : Happy New Year. I didn’t reply. I don’t really know what to do here.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Violet,

      honestly, it’s better to move on from him or the last chance is to do a year of nc.. because you said he already went 6 months of not talking to you right?

  9. Lucy Keenan - 0

    Lucy Keenan

    I started dating this guy back in July and everything was going really really well. We were seeing each other a couple of times a week to three times a week together. We met each others friends, housemates. We decided to be exclusive. It was all great. Initially we both stood firm on the fact that we did not want a relationship and we just wanted to take things slow.

    About a month ago, he suddenly told me that he needed a couple of days to think about things and to figure his head out. Which, was fine by me. I gave him his space and after a couple of days, he contacted me and said he wanted us to talk.
    He then told me that he had figured out that he still had feelings for his ex girlfriend. (She lives in Asutralia , they broke up a year ago after a three year relationship). He told me they didn’t speak that often but htat he had spoken to her on skype and he felt guilty because he really liked me.We talked about it a long time and we decided to keep seeing each other as we were.

    Since he told me this though. He started being a lot more distant. We weren’t hanging out as much and he started getting into the habit of saying things like ” I don’t want to hurt you” and “I feel like I am just leading you on”. Every week we kept having the same discussion and eventually things came to a head when one drunken night he sent me a message saying he felt that I like him more than he liked me and that he didn’t want to hurt me.

    I tried to tell him that I was happy just going along with what we were doing but he said he just didn’t know how he is feeling about everything.

    We decided to end things on Friday but then after seeing each other Sunday we thought that we should take a “cooling off” period for a couple of weeks, see if we miss each other and talk about it then.
    In his words, not a break as we weren’t even in a relationship anyway.
    I agreed with him and we decided to do that. After a few weeks, he said he still felt the same way and the we should call it a day. I hate it though because I feel like there was so much potential there and he said he agreed but just needs some time to sort his head out.

    I really like him and I really thought that we were moving towards something. The conclusion to the conversation was that he wants to figure his head out and wants to put things on hold for now. He said he wants to leave it and move on and we will contact each other in a few months to see where we are both at.

    Should I just move on or should I contact him in a few months? Is he just letting me know he isn’t that into me? Am I wasting my time?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lucy,

      actually he was honest with what he feels because he said you like him more than he likes you. So, yeah he’s not that into you and I think he’s being safe when he told you to reconnect after a few months because after all, even if he’s not in love, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you as a friend

  10. Emme - 0

    Emme

    Hello .. so I dated this guy for about three months it was a long distance relationship. Everything was going good but he seemed to not have much confidence. He was kind of insecure I never understand why because I thought he was such a great guy. He was very hard on himself because he wasn’t where he wanted to be in life. After a while I noticed he started to take everything I would say to heart and it would make us fight .. for me I get over things quickly for him the arguments where intense but they really weren’t . Half the time I don’t even remember what it was about. I really fell for this man . What started to affect me is every time we would fight he would break up with me and I would have to work hard on trying to get him back. WHenever he made a mistake he would come back tell me how much he loved me and wanted this relationship to work and without a doubt I would take him back and tell him I loved him and tried making him feel secure and let him know that it was okay that I wasn’t going to leave . It always hurt that he didn’t do the same for me. I also let him know that it hurt me when he would break up with me . So the beginning of this month after another breakup and getting back together I felt like things were off I tried to talk to him about it and he got annoyed like I’m never satisfied so I decided to just deal with it myself the next day he tried talking to me and I replied back he knew he was wrong and he got mad at me for dealing with the issue I had myself and didn’t understand that he made me feel like I was annoying him . We got in a fight and again he broke up with me … the last three weeks I been begging for him to give me a chance .. he says no we fight to much but he still loved me and cared about me. I feel so pathetic for letting him know how much I loved him . I’m so confused because in these last three weeks when he believed I was with another man he blew up my phone and called me a cheater .. I don’t understand how I cheated when he broke up with me? He got that issue resolved but he would bring up other men like I was already dating and I wasn’t . He would still call me and check up on how I’m feeling and doing . I cried to him so many times let him know how I felt . He told me I made him feel like he wasn’t good enough that I looked down on him and his job how much money he made . The crazy part is I never said anything about what he makes or his job . I always told him he was a hard worker and as long as he was happy and doing something he loved that’s all that mattered . I just feel like a complete fool for begging him to be with me . He was always calling me and even in this period when we would fight he always took my calls text me back . I’m just lost he’s a good person I’m very sad but I feel like he lost respect for me because of how much I begged . I haven’t contacted him in a few days now I was so upset with him for how I was treated in the last few weeks so I said some mean things to him . I told him that he will be easily forgotten and I deserved better. I feel like a idiot for begging him and showing him how week I was and sad and emotional. ;( what can I do to regain my respect in his eyes ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emme,

      stop chasing him.. that’s just 3 months in but the relationship is already toxic.. for me you should move on but if you dont want, at least do a 30 days no contact period and focus in improving and healing yourself..

  11. Kalpana - 0

    Kalpana

    Hi,
    I am in a very complicated relationship.
    I got into a serious relationship with this man 4 years ago. He is married for 13 years now and living separately from his wife for the past 6 years. Im separated too from my husband. The wife wanted him to leave his parents and move to a separate house but he wanted to take care of his aged parents so refused to stay in a joint family. So one fine day, she simply left with their 3 year old kid to her parents home and never returned to him ever since.
    But their relationship has been extremely confusing to me ever since I met him 4 years ago. One year into my relationship, I saw that he has been meeting her every week and even went out to parties and family functions together. She was very cordial to his parents too. They both kept chatting with each other often as well. But she never gave the kid his dad’s surname. She hardly let the kid get close to his dad. She made strict rules as to when the kid should meet the dad. There were times when she restricted the access to the child for a year. She tried her best to blackmail him to move out of his parents home and live with her.
    Initially, he did not budge and even stopped visiting his son. But within two years, he changed a little and when she gave him an ultimatum to either stay with her or divorce her, he ran to her and lived with her and kid for good 2 years in her parents home.
    I was shocked by all this and asked him why he is doing all this and what am I in his life? He said that he did not love her and its only for the kid he is loving with her and he never even kissed or hugged her. It was more like a friendship for the kid as the kid started to get extremely emotionally disturbed. I broke up with him temporarily, but begged me to come back to him and I really loved him a lot so after 3 months of fights, crying and arguments, I went back to him. He continued to stay with her. They had big disagreements in between and fought a lot but never left her home.
    Then his dad expired. He had to move back to his aged mom and continued to live with her ever since. The wife was angry ofcourse but could not do much about this. In this year, 2016, she again stopped his access to the kid for 10 months. They never spoke in between and did not see each other too. Suddenly on the kids birthday when he went home to meet them, the kid started accusing dad for not coming to see him. The wife too was angry that he has been irresponsible and never bothered to check up on them though she was the one who refused to meet him with his child.
    On the same day, they all made a holiday plan to go to Dubai for 1 week’s trip.When he came back and told me the same, I freaked out. I have been extremely trusting and understanding throughout the relationship because I thought I was letting him do things for the kid. But now, after separating from her for so many years( they live in same city) and after all the ill-treatment she has given to him, how did he become so ready to go on a holiday with her? This is ridiculous and I demanded an explanation and asked how serious he was with me in the first place. He made it clear at the beginning itself that he wouldnot divorce her as its beyond his religious belifs but he would never get back to her as a lover/husband. Now when I asked him the same he says he is not trying to work on the marriage, its just for the kid he is going. He says he cant pay for a holiday( she earns lot more than him) with the child alone and she would never send the kid alone with him. So he had no choice but to go with them so that he gets time to enjoy with the kid. This is his first holiday with the kid who is 11 years old. So he is very excited.
    But he doesn’t seem to understand me situation. I have become extremely insecure, very jealous and am totally confused. Something tells me that his wife is trying to make this marriage work for the sake of the kid. However, this man doesn’t believe it. He counter questions me ‘If she loves me, why would she leave me and go in the first place’? He says he doesn’t love her too. But he has to do a few things to make the child happy.
    But I also observed that this wife of his started liking and commenting on all this facebook posts of late. She even changed her status to ‘married’ last week suddenly. He says he is also surprised with this. But now am not able to believe him. How can all this happen only from her side when he showed no interest in her? She never even bothered to like any of his posts in the past 4 years, then why suddenly now? Im sure she is again trying to get close to him. However he says living together with her in the same house is impossible and he wont ever do it. So why are they confusing the kid by taking him on a holiday?
    His behaviour towards me hasn’t changed, he still says he loves only me and I should understand and support him in his decision to be with his kid., but I became a complete mental wreck. His unceertainity and her playing games is something Im not able to comprehend. When two people married cant stand each other so lived separately for years, and even tried to live together and failed, and such a head strong female who even refused to let the kid meet his dad changed so suddenly? How is this possible?
    I begged him to breakup with me as Im getting confused with all this and there is no way I can predict his wife’s behaviour and his own exact feeling for her and my relationship with him. But he said Im over reacting and I need to chill. He says he has hardly any interaction with her and he doesn’t love her so I have no reason to be insecure. But I feel I do. Because of her behaviour changed so suddenly. What if he enjoys the holidays with her and gets back to her? Is it not his responsibility to breakoff with me and give me a closure if he intends to give his marriage another try?
    When they actually tried to work on their marriage earlier and it failed why is she trying again? She doesnot know my existence yet. He already left for vacation and im waiting for him return and tell me if things changed between them. Can things really change between them in 10 days? They went to their friends home in dubai for vacation and will be staying with them. So he keeps saying that I need not worry as its not a holiday where they went to a resort alone without kid. He feels Im overreacting and depriving of him of a chance to spend time with his kid. He says Im only thinking of the wife there and not about the kid and getting jealous.
    But im very very insecure and jealous and worried that they will get back somehow. I spent each day of the past 4 years with him makng his life happy and complete. I am all broken and feeling extremely helpless. What should I do once he comes back? Breakup and stay as friends with him? I cant live without him and he loves me a lot too but now I cant live in this miserable situation. Need to get my self respect back and leave both of them alone unless he someday decides whom he actually wants.
    Also, this vacation may mean that he gets more frequent access to his son and more amicable relationship with his wife. So sooner or later he may get back to her. He is also not very sure though he keeps saying that he will never be able to love her again though he may visit her often for his son.
    What should I do now? Please help me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kalpana,

      If you really want to exercise self respect, walk away. Move on and don’t chase.

  12. Alex - 0

    Alex

    Hello,

    This is a diferent situation from all of those I’ve read in here.
    So, a few months ago, I met a guy (I am also a guy), as soon as we met, there was an instant connection. The first weeks were crazy, we were always together, for a month or so I haven’t even slept in my own house. After a few weeks, he asked me if I wanted to move in, but as crazy as it sounded, I accepted. Thats when things started to go down, whenever he had a day off, he go back to his home town, whenever we go out he would go home earlier while I would stay out more time with our friends…
    After some time, I started to think that he had another guy in his hometown. I was so sure about it that I started to getting really anxious, and ask him if he didn’t had another guy (several times). His answer was always the same “No, I don’t.”.
    Until one day he said “Ye, I did had one, but it seems I don’t have anymore” (talking about me) and “I don’t love you anymore, but we have so much in common that I think it was weird stopping loving you”.
    When he said that the whole world around me feel, and I lost it, calling him every possible name. The day after I got out of our home, and after many failed calls, and a lot of extensive messages sent by me without getting any answer, and made him block me in every social media and cellphone I finally gave up. and we lost contact for a month or so. After that month, we started to cross by each other and just say that simple “Hi.” and continue our ways.
    After a few weeks we started to talk more and more, until I found out that he went back to his ex. We were still talking, since we decided to be friends, even though he was with his boyfriend, but the conversation were very limited. A few months after that, I started receiving more texts from him, but every now and then I would become crazy, and trying to understand what went wrong, saying I was missing him. He’s answer was always the same “You have to move on”, until one day he said “Oh, and by the way, me and X broke up 2 weeks ago.”. I imediatly thought it was the right time for me to try to get back to him. Of course I was wrong.
    So right now we are in a situation where we are friends. We don’t see each other a lot, but sometimes he asks if he can come by my house, and of course I say yes, and after a few hours he cancels it. Asks me about NYE and about going to the gym together, and always cancels, after I accept. But today after me ignoring him the whole day (for the 1st time after the 1month without contact) he unblocked my facebook, got a text from him, and 2 missed calls. (he never answered a single call from me since he started with his ex). What should I do? Right now we don’t see each other a lot, maybe once or twice a month, but we talk almost everyday (always me initiating the conversations)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alex
      did you go back to talking? do you want to try the no contact rule?

  13. JG - 0

    JG

    Hey so this guy and I started seeing each other back in August. It was really a brief thing but I started to really like him. We went out a few times and things were going really well. After we had sex for the first time I became paranoid due to past experiences that I’ve had. I became so used to being used that I think I immediately projected that paranoia on him (I shouldn’t have done that). So we did talk for a few days after but after I didn’t hear from him for a day I got a little bitter/crazy girl, which I shouldn’t have done. So anyway we stopped talking and a few months go by, and then in mid November I snap chatted him and he answered! We sort of started communicating again but never hung out. He told me that he really only wants a friends with benefits right now, because my acting bitter made him realize that he wasn’t interested in a committed relationship any time soon. But he wanted me to be his friends with benefits. I told him that I’ve done that before and it really doesn’t work out well for me. So he said no problem and we communicated a little more but things kind of fizzled off again.
    My issue is that I feel like as I push more he pulls away more. And I feel so pathetic after every attempt at changing his mind I guess. How do I go about this? I really never run into him when I’m out, and he’s never the one to initiate conversation (which adds to me feeling like I’m begging for attention from him) I know I want to be the ungettable girl and I am whole heartedly working toward that. However, how can I use things like the point system if I don’t hear from him first/never see him out? LOL I feel like I’ve totally ruined my chances with him by essentially scaring him away and I don’t know how to fix that.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi JG,

      when you first slept with him, we’re you officially together? Because if not, and then now that he is suggesting being friends with benefits, then he is like the other guys you met before but of course, you want him to change which in reality is out of your control. You can only control yourself. If after the nc and in the building rapport stage, he is still like that, let him go. For now, use social media to post your activities. That’s your indirect way of showing your improvement.

  14. JG - 0

    JG

    Hey so my ex and I dated very briefly back in August, but I really started to like him and I thought that he liked me too. I became paranoid after the first time we were intimate because I am so used to being “used” by guys that I automatically became paranoid that that was all he wanted at the time (in hindsight I really think I was wrong). Anyway I was pretty bitter toward him after I hadn’t heard from him for a few days (I think I scared him when I acted overly paranoid). I didn’t hear from him for a few months but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. And then a few weeks ago I took a risk and snap chatted him. He responded and we reconnected. However, he told me that after everything back in August he realized he didn’t want a relationship at the moment. He did, however, suggest “friends with benefits.” I cannot do friends with benefits, I’ve tried it before and it doesn’t work for me. However, I don’t know that I’ll see him out at any point, so that he can see what he’s missing, and he never initiates contact.
    How do I change his mind? I know I should be “ungettable”, but its hard to remind a guy about how great you are if you never see each other/he will never initiate contact. After the no contact period, how do I initiate anything without looking like I’m begging or desperate? (I know that him seeing me across a crowded bar and a light shining down on me reminding him that I’m amazing is highly unrealistic lol)

    Reply
    • JG - 0

      JG

      I forgot to mention that in these past few weeks as he’s seemed to push me away Ive felt like Ive acted more desperately (hence the “begging”) and this is totally not my personality! It’s like I want him more when I can’t have him!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi JG,

      when you first slept with him, we’re you officially together? Because if not, and then now that he is suggesting being friends with benefits, then he is like the other guys you met before but of course, you want him to change which in reality is out of your control. You can only control yourself. If after the nc and in the building rapport stage, he is still like that, let him go. For now, use social media to post your activities. That’s your indirect way of showing your improvement.

  15. Amy - 0

    Amy

    My boyfriend and I broke up 5 days ago on Tuesday in a text because I was needy and clingy and always getting mad at him all the time about every little things. He said that it was refreshing spending time away from me and that this wasn’t making him happy anymore. He said the feeling is no longer mutual and that he wasn’t changing his mind. I was very selfish in our relationship and he told me that more than once that I acted like the world revolved around me. I feel horrible and want to change and also get him back. I begged for him to give me another chance to fix things. That only made it worse and he seemed more determined to break up and sounded angry so I stopped texting back. A few hours later he changed his Facebook status to single but he didn’t unfriend me and he kept some of our pictures on his profile and stayed tagged in all the pictures we have together on my profile. On Friday I texted him “Hey” and didn’t get an answer. Several hours later I tried calling and he didn’t pick up. Then I texted him, “I miss you. Can we get together and i can tell you how sorry I am for hurting you?” I got no response. Then last night and today I spent hours writing a letter on microsoft word telling him that I was sorry for everything. It was a really good letter and I put a lot of thought into it. I sent that to him today on Facebook messenger and then 15 minutes later he responds. He said, “Thank you and I forgive you.” Then he sent another message 4 minutes later that said, “You are an amazing girl and you deserve someone who will treat you as such, and if I was just able to show you how you should be treated in a healthy relationship then I believe I did my job. My decision still stands as is, but you will always have a place in my heart and I won’t forget the best of times that we’ve had. The reason I haven’t talked to you is because I wanted you to think about what to really say and how you really feel, instead of just saying what first comes to mind in person. I’m sorry if it felt like I was ignoring you, I just needed for both of us to think about everything.” I didn’t respond. What should I do now? I get the feeling he wanted me to respond because he stayed on Facebook messenger waiting for a few minutes before he got off. In my letter I also said that I’m not asking for us to get back together I just want the opportunity to show him how sorry I am and how I want to be better for him. I also said I love him but I only said it once a the end. This letter was 3 1/2 pages by the way. Should I go no contact for 30 days? I really want him back but I don’t know what to do. His response was nice but it sounds like he really has no intention of dating me again. Please help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amy,

      Aside from doing the no contact rule, what do you plan to do? Chase him? That’s not a healthy choice. Change first but change for yourself. Learn to do what you love and find out what you love, have a separate life apart from your ex or would be boyfriend.

  16. Carol - 0

    Carol

    Hi! My ex boyfried of 2 years and 5 months broke up with me last week. He told me that he didnt love and want me anymore. That he can’t see his future with me and that I am immature. That it was hard maintaining the happiness between us. And now he has a new girl and that girl was the one he cheated me with. Is it possible that the girl is just a rebound? Things are going fast with them. They barely knew each other. I know my ex bf. He doesnt believe that he could just fall in love with a person that he barely knew and barely met though they have thes constant video chat and sms and phone calls. My ex bf told me in the past that he cant really say that he is in love with the person if that person and he are not going out personally. They are in a Long distance relationship. I begged for him to come back and he told me that he wont come back. But then I beeged and begged and told him that I would do everything for him just for him to come back with me. Then he told me to come back after 3 months. He said after 3 months I could come back and he could accept me. Should I believe him? Is there an assurance that he would leave the girl?

    Reply
  17. Pam - 0

    Pam

    Me and my ex boyfriend had broken up years back with him deciding to leave abrupt.. Al through the time I tried. For 7 years. Off and on tried meeting him.staying back . He gave in for off relationship trial last one year plus as per my constant request and everything was fine and still he decided we can’t make it a relationship back.. since June again i begged for looking at our relationship giving it one chance as relation for we lost it he left it years back and I do know it’s worth the giving in.. only that he hv to feel to see it.. he denied.. finally he told he is engaged and wat wil that girl do. I asked him i never left .. he told his parents asked and he gave in and it’s his life. I dno if its lie like the many things he told in past to stop me from asking him to try. I wish it is. Defently as he know me .. it did hit me hard. Dno were to grab courage and try for this. I believe in working things rather than walking out and he knows it.. I dno why he left me in first place years back and now. Without even giving us a chance he giving in to any other girl that too marriage I wish it’s a big fat lie.. coz whichever other things worst things he told before I t didn work with me.. I kept trying calmly aswelll aggressive smtyms asking my ppl to speak to him..

    For past one month I’m silent. Assuming he changed his number ..coz he had told so. And he doesn’t seem online. I was full out blocked. I cn mail him i guess. Hvn tried yet since a month. Wana do things well and make it work this time.. it’s not about being with a guy. It’s about this guy who loved me so much that years too couldnt fade it .nor felt ny interest on anyone else..all I felt was we had to hv another chance together as a couple.which I asked throughout past 7 years and he denied. He tried so so last 1 year and getting confused he told and left I don’t want to hear from u again. We had it all crazy times happy times. As I could I did it alll.eventhough we live in different states I tried all I can.

    Do you think he jus put his trump card to make me stop trying like emotional stuff.

    I wish to try.. want to feel a silver lining in the cloud.. jus so hit which am suspecting is wat he intended..

    Do you think he lied. Do u think I hv an opportunity still and make it work.. I’m full blocked as to wat I’m knowing at the moment.. wana do it right this time.. he knows al these years all I loved was him.and we did hv a relation which is worth him staying back for me still
    Could

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pam,

      It looks like he just wants you to move on..

  18. LM - 0

    LM

    Ex boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and we have a beautiful three-year-old daughter. I caught him cheating a few months back and we tried living separate but still working it out. He was telling me how he missed me and loved our family. Then out of the blue he ended things. He said he’s been miserable for a long time now and that we fight all the time. He wants to work on himself and be free for a while. I’m devastated I’ve begged and cried. I’m trying to be a good mom to my daughter but I’m so depressed all the time. He gets disgusted with me. He says I’m weak and pathetic. That I used to be somebody worthwhile. Now all I do is cry and complain. He also criticizes my body because it’s not as small as it was before I had a child. I was a zero when I got pregnant I’m a size 6 now it’s not like I gained a huge amount of weight. I don’t know what to do it seems like no matter how much I beg he has no interest in trying to be a family again.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi LM,

      we don’t advise going back to an abusive person but even if you get him back or not, you have to stop begging. Start healing and improving slowly. If your daughter is in the same situation, how would like her to be?

  19. Denay - 0

    Denay

    Hi, so i dated this guy dated for like 6 months and randomly he stopped talking to me as much and i tried talking to him about it a couple times but he’d go right back to it so we started arguing and we decided to take a break that lasted a little over a week he came back and was still doing it so i tried to talk to him about it and he just started to stop contacting me less and lees so i blew up his phone (a mistake i know) and he replied to my messages but totally ignored what i said and id bring it back up. so he just stopped communicating with me all together but again a little over a week later like he’s always done he left for over a week and then comes back like nothing’s wrong but this time he says he’s sorry so i texted him and apologize for the way i acted and he texted me back but he just acted like i never said sorry and nothing ever was wrong and then randomly stopped replying. that was almost 2 weeks ago and he hasnt tried to communicate with me since unless you want to count the stuff he sent me on SC. but he hasn’t sent me anything at all in about 5 days and i haven’t sent him anything in about a week because i’m trying out the no contact rule. but what if during this no contact he doesn’t try to contact me? does that mean that texting him isn’t worth it or should i still do it? and anything else you think i should know.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Denay

      are you in a long distance relationship? You mean he’s ghosting you because you always argue? If you’re in no contact, you should be improving yourself and making a new routine. If he contacts you during no contact, you cant answer..unless he says he wants you back..if he doesnt contact you, it’s your decision if you want to initiate and it’s ok if you want to. Use the nc to reflect on your decision

  20. mel - 0

    mel

    My ex finally call it quits due to me being jealous towards his business partner and ex wife. I was the one who broke up with him, then I told him I want him back, he took me back , but things were never the same. He would got upset for simple things and blame me for it. we have been going back an fourth, 2 weeks ago I got mad and lash out at him because his ex wife and business partner is in love with him and also kept on calling his phone. I got upset and ended it. I once again begged to get back he kept on saying no, went to his house 2 nights ago. He kissed me hugged me and later drop me off to work. Later that day I called him, he said i do not want a relationship with you, got a lot going on in my life. I drove off to his house after he hanged up. Asked him time to talk he refuse, slammed the door in my face. His friend was present when all this happened. One more thing the ex wife car was present. I asked him if he has company he said no.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mel

      did he lie because he knew you would get angry? whenever his wife calls does he treat her in a business way only or in a sweet way?

  21. Chrissy - 0

    Chrissy

    On day 2 of NC & i am miserable. My ex is a stubborn guy who is always busy and burys his head in the sand with problems. After begging for a few days, i was acting jealous & paranoid to. we split i text him everyday for 10 days, sometimes just casual messages. Now im worried ive blown it. Just before i tried NC with him he was very blunt n cold with me. Im worried NC won’t work & he will be happy without me as he appears atm. So so hard he dosen’t have FB either only twitter so its hard for me to show myself having fun etc xxx

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      what about the list Veronica advised, have you done it?

    • Chrissy - 0

      Chrissy

      I can’t see the list you mean??

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh sorry! I meant the ways of dating yourself.. have you come up of what you want others make you feel or what you just want to feel in general, what activities you might want to do with somebody else, that you can actually do on your own or just try on your own for a change..it’s from the podcast of Veronica grant..The one I linked in your first comment.. 🙂

  22. Krystal - 0

    Krystal

    My relationship was long distance. Like… VERY long distance… He broke up with me saying he loves me as a friend now, but we both loved each other and were in a very loving relationship. He not only acted like it, but told me so. We were best friends and later started dating. I will be trying several tactics that I can incorporate from this article as well as a few others I have read. He actually initiated a conversation with me today, but its hard to prevent myself from going overboard with emotions whenever he says anything. I’ll continue with the no contact rule and behavior change. I’ll try my best to keep my EMOTIONS under control and keep working towards my goals. It makes me feel so much better just knowing I may have a second chance. I’ll be sure to keep score. So, thanks!

    Reply
  23. Maria - 0

    Maria

    Hi! So my bf broke up with me 2 months ago bc we were having some fights over stupid things (and he had a very nasty divorce and is scared of drama). During the relationship he always told me he loved me, he was crazy about me and I made him so happy, so that’s what I kind of hold onto to try to get another chance (and yes, I begged…) . We met last week and i told him all i feel and that i wanted him back and he said he’ll think about it, but he then said he didn’t think it was a good idea to get back together and that i deserve a man that loves me and it’s crazy about me (i thought that was him…). Idk what to do, i think it’s clear i need to move on but im so sad and love him so much :(( please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria,
      how long were together? are you going to try the advice above?

  24. Chrissy - 0

    Chrissy

    Hey! I begged for my boyfriend back, we split over1 week ago & was ok but now have begged for him back wishing i didnt. I love the advice here & am going to implement the no contact rule as i have been going out of my mind, also starting a fitness n diet regime. What things would u suggest as another side? I work full time & am an indoor girl – he is the opposite!! Also i cant afford to buy the book what can we do to make sure he does contact me as it was hanging a bit at the end there… our situation is a bit more complicated as he has an 8 yr old daughter who i got along amazingly with he jst didn’t want to commit now im wishing for him bk!

    Reply
  25. Donnie Leal - 0

    Donnie Leal

    My ex is a narcissistic issues we’ve broken up about 100 times in 35 years ,I’ve always took him back having four children, he always hurts me abuses me before he leaves again I got hurt, be side of what he did he is making me beg him, now after texting no contact when I tell him to come back I broke it off a d tonight after reading your article decided to join a Texas Holden and have fun enjoy the moment of freedom his lost and my gain don’t care to text or call him your right sometime the Lord takes ppl out of our lives to protect us and I just texted th st earlier to him after being abuse all my life by this person the Lord set me free, Why would I keep throwing my freedom away to be played a fool now he gets the power taken from him and back to me , there issue is there God higher then anyone so IIm taken the power back .can’t wait to read your books thank you I’ll go out gracefully. there games and why get your heart broken 101 times I no it’s crazy, Then they tell the world your begging, And what’s so funny is that when we started darting we were selling vacuums and he sold none I sold a lot, so yes I’m free as a butterfly and will start flying doing thinks and he can go on doing what he pleases .

    Reply
  26. niti desai - 0

    niti desai

    I hav an bf.due to some reasons v broke off.n in that anger he decided to get engaged to some other girl n i started pleading n begging.but he was stubborn.i couldnt forget him.then he told me one day i will break this engagement.but unfortunately aftr 2 months of his engagement his mom died of cancer.so je couldnt break up with his fiance.now his dad wants him to get married to her.but we are still in contact.and he still gives me hope of breaking with her and not doing it so.so i got an idea n tild him to make jealous that even i got fixed up with some guy and i am getting married to him.now he pleaded me to break off with him coz hes gonna marry me.i tild him after sone time that i broke off with my fiance.but nw i guess hes trying to take advantage of me and always torturing me by asking all questions related to my fiance and my relationship with him.hes not breaking up with his fiance.his dad wants him to get married by next month.what should i do to get him back????please suggest quickly i dont have much time.i really dont knw how to behave.please suggest

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Niti,

      are you really engaged to another man or you just said that to him? Do you want to try doing the no contact rule? You have to set a time limit on until when you wait because obviously he looks like he’s just making you wait for nothing

  27. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    Hey I have a ex, and he would say that I would always yell and him and make him feel like everything is his fault and like he is always wrong and never did anything for me. So he broke up with me after a big arguement. Then i tried to get him back by talking to him and i begged him to come back. But he kept saying I’m sorry I dont feel the same way anymore I mobed on. He likes a girl but is not with her but he is trying to be with her. But I love him and want him back so I begged him and he brought my past relationship up with him. And now I still want him and I am trying to get him back but i really love him and can’t ignore him with the no contact rule. What do I do I need help on getting my first love back!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jessica,
      just like in the advice above,we dont have any other advice than to do it.. if you’re not going to do the no contact rule, what else do you have in mind? Are you going to keep on chasing him?

  28. Emma - 0

    Emma

    I was finding this article really helpful until it got to the part that heavily relied on the assumption that we actually have access and regular contact with our exes which i’m guessing for most people is not the case. ‘Number of dates he initiated…’ please don’t distress us further by saying ridiculous things like this. If he was initiating dates/phone calls we wouldn’t be scouring the internet for advice would we??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emma,

      Why? What happened between you and your ex? Did he block you?

  29. Stefany - 0

    Stefany

    He dumped me 3 days ago because I was being overly emotional. I broke down and texted him the next day asking if he really wanted to end things forever. Then I sent another text asking if he was ok (because he was sick). He replied the last text saying that he was feeling better and thanked me for asking. But he ignored the message about if he was really ready to end things. I really wanted him to confirm it and say yes or no so I’ll know to move on. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi,

      He already said he doesn’t want to be together, so I think he just doesn’t want to keep reiterating things because maybe he’s getting annoyed about it. Maybe he was just busy when wasn’t capable of responding faster..
      Are you going to try what’s advised above?

  30. Minakshi - 0

    Minakshi

    I broke up with my boyfriend almost five months ago due to my depression related issues and I felt that he doesn’t care enough, even though he did. For a few weeks he kept sending me short texts but I didn’t respond well (I’m such an idiot!). Finally he stopped trying, blocked me on Facebook. All this while I had been hoping that he would come back to me (I know I’m too egotistical). A week ago I started getting more depressed and texted him that I’m not able to get over him. And then he told me about his new girlfriend. I was devastated. I mean I destroyed everything with my own hands. I wish I had responded and made up with him all those months ago. I may have even somewhat begged him. What should I do now? Is there any chance? He seems pretty serious about the new girl, too because he clearly said that he’s over me and loves that girl and with time I’ll be able to move on as well. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Minakshi,

      are you going to therapy now? And do you want to try what’s advised above?

  31. Hanna - 0

    Hanna

    Hi!

    Random question. Does my ex sending me a snap chat count as him initiating a conversation/text???

    Reply

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