What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

It’s common knowledge that if you want your ex boyfriend back the last thing that you should do is beg for him back.

Unfortunately the vast majority of women who seek advice on this site have committed this cardinal sin.

How do I know this?

How do you think I came up with the idea for this article?

reason

A few days ago I received this comment asking if I could write an in-depth article about how to handle a situation if you have tried to get your ex boyfriend back by begging and failed.

Now, my first initial thought was,

“Pshh… I have totally already written an article about that before.”

But after about ten minutes of searching on my site I discovered that I hadn’t.

Talk about dropping the ball…

dropping the ball

Anyways, I got on the case immediately and here we are.

This article is dedicated to the women out there who desperately want their ex boyfriends back but have made a lot of mistakes in getting him back (particularly begging…)

Lets get right to it…

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What Is Begging & Why It Probably Won’t Work On Your Ex

precious

What is this thing that they call… Begging?

Well, lets turn to the dictionary to define it and then apply that definition to your ex.

Begging-asking for something, typically food or money, as charity or a gift.

Now, in your case begging isn’t being applied to food or money (unless you have ulterior motives with your ex.) Begging is being applied to the fact that you are going to be asking him to be in a relationship with you again.

Let me give you an example.

If you ran into your ex boyfriend tomorrow and then got on your hands and knees and asked him to take you back then that would be classified as begging.

Pretty standard stuff, right?

Well, lets get into something a bit more complicated now and turn our attention to why begging usually never works to win back an ex boyfriend.

Why Begging Usually Never Works

With the simple act of begging you are putting yourself in a position of weakness.

What do I mean by that?

Ok, lets pretend that we have the beggar and the receiver.

The Beggar = The person who is begging for something.

The Receiver = The person who is receiving the begging from the beggar.

Hmm… perhaps it’s better if I illustrate this,

beggar and receiver picture

Now, when you look at this picture which person/stick figure looks like they are in a position of power and which person/stick figure looks like they are in a position of weakness?

The Receiver = Powerful

The Beggar = Weak

I mean, what I am talking about here is not rocket science but what is it about being in that position of weakness that is such a turn off to men?

Hmm…

In order to properly explain this to you I am going to have to ask you to draw on some pretty dark thoughts.

You ready?

There has to be some guy in your life that you think you are WAY better than. A guy who you would never date in a million years. Now, what I want you to do is think of that person.

Have you thought of him yet?

Good!

Ok, now I want you to imagine this person who you think you are better than (and who you would never date) begging for you to date him.

That’s kind of what’s happening with you and your ex boyfriend.

That’s how he views you and every single time that you beg for him back you are setting yourself back further and further.

Pretty depressing, right?

Well, don’t wallow in depression too long because I have some good news for you.

Just because you begged for your ex boyfriend back and he views you this way doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome it. In fact, I have made a career out of teaching women who are in this sorry state to overcome it and I am going to teach you my tricks right here, right now!

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I Want You To Fully Understand Your Predicament

nothing

So, this article is operating under the assumption that you have already begged for your ex boyfriend back and it has proven to be a huge turnoff for him.

You understand that, right?

Well, what if you were to just try to get him back right now without trying any of my strategies?

Do you think you would succeed?

Eh… probably not and I am going to explain why.

The Salesman Analogy

inception

Lets pretend that you are sitting at home one day and you are reading an incredible book.

What’s the book?

Hmm…

Good question… actually stop getting me off topic.

So you are reading this book and you are getting really into it and then all of a sudden there is a knock on the door.

“Jesus… Why does someone have to bug me right now?” you think to yourself.

Of course, being the kind person you are you decide to get up and answer the door.

Guess who it is?

It’s a salesman.

“Oh god… I just want to slam the door in his face” you daydream.

Immediately upon you opening the door the salesman goes into a massive sales pitch discussing why you should buy his product.

You tell him very nicely that you aren’t interested….

He continues to pitch.

You tell him again…

He’s still pitching.

“Ok, it has gotten to the point where I am just going to say goodbye and slam the door in his face” you think.

This is a perfect analogy for whats going to happen if you try to pitch your ex boyfriend on another relationship with you right now.

Take a look at the story I just told.

Look how many components there are to it.

  • The comfortability you were feeling reading the book.
  • The knock on the door
  • The salesman
  • The annoying pitch
  • You slamming the door in his face

Care to take a guess at what these components really mean for your situation?

The Comfortability You Were Feeling Reading The Book

This is the equivalent of having your ex boyfriend feel really comfortable in the situation he is in right now.

The two of you broke up and as much as I hate to tell you this he is probably comfortable with that fact (especially if he was the one who initiated the break.)

The Knock On The Door

We already know your ex boyfriend is comfortable in his current situation (being single) and the knock on the door can be compared to if you reached out to him out of the blue and it shocked him. Basically it’s you contacting him when he doesn’t expect it.

The Salesman

It’s YOU!

The Annoying Pitch

This is the begging.

It’s where you get on you hands and knees and ask him to take you back. Now, early on I established that begging for an ex boyfriend is usually only going to accomplish one thing…. it’s going to annoy him.

Which brings me to my next point.

You Slamming The Door In His Face

Is the equivalent of him slamming the relationship door in your face.

It’s him rejecting you.

What’s the point of me explaining this analogy to you?

It’s to further cement the fact that you cannot succeed in getting your ex boyfriend back using a regular strategy. You are going to have to completely re-work the way you approach him.

Now, let me ask you a question.

What would a door to door salesman who is selling…. lets say a vacuum…. have to do to convert you into a sale?

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What Would A Salesman Have To Do To Convert You?

Let me set this up a bit before I get into it.

Lets say that you are in the market for a vacuum.

And one day you hear a knock at your door and you open it and see a door to door salesman who is selling vacuums. What would he have to do, knowing the odds are stacked against him, to convert you into a sale?

Why are the odds stacked against him?

Well, there are two things that stack the odds against him.

  • He is coming into your personal space to pitch you a product
  • He is a salesman so you are automatically suspicious

So, what would he have to do to make you take out your money and buy one of his vacuums?

Well, first things first… he is going to have to overcome the odds.

How He Can Overcome The Odds

What if you had come to this website and were immediately greeted by an ad.

annoying ad

So, you do what almost everyone does and clicks the little “x” button to kill it so you can read the information you are interested in.

Unfortunately the second you click the “x” button another ad pops up,

annoying ad 2

This happens four times in a row.

Do you think you’d be pretty pissed?

I know I would.

No one wants to be pitched ads. Least of all in their personal space like a phone or a computer.

And this stigma follows a door to door salesman who is selling vacuums.

No one wants to open the door up to their house and immediately be greeted by a person who is trying to sell them something. They just don’t.

I am sure you can relate to that, right?

Well, lets try to relate to the salesman now. What do you think he should do to disarm this negative stigma that he is going to get right out of the gate for just being a salesman?

Hmm…

I would say that he should try to disarm you so at least you’d be open to hearing the pitch.

He should wait for you to open the door and instead of launching into a sales pitch he should try to tell you a compelling story. Something that maybe would draw you in and make you look at him not as a salesman but as a trustworthy guy.

In other words, he should try to offer some VALUE to you.

But here is the most important part.

He can’t try to sell the vacuum to you on the spot. It’s probably going to take a few days of building value up before he can do that. Instead, he should just aim to give you his card with his information on it.

How the hell can a salesman who sells vacuums door to door do this?

While I’ll admit that it’s not an easy task I would say that he should try telling a story like this,

Hi there, I know this is going to sound really weird but I was just talking to your friend Kathy down the street (at least she said she was your friend) and she mentioned that you are looking for a new vacuum since your vacuum cleaner broke. I actually sell vacuums door to door for a living (weird career choice I know.) Anyways, I am not going to try to sell you a vacuum today because I don’t believe in pressuring people to buy. And I know there is a negative stigma attached to people like me. All I wanted to do is just stop by to give you my card in case you did become interested. Oh, and I always believe in putting people first so if you do decide to buy a vacuum at some point and it’s not from me don’t be afraid to call me and ask my opinion on it. I am happy to help you even if I don’t get any compensation for it.

Do you see how a story like that would work?

Do you see how the salesman built value and structured things in a way that made you almost exclusively want to buy from him?

Now, what does any of this have to do with you getting your ex back if you begged?

Well, this subtle approach is what you are going to have to do if you are going to have any chance of winning him back.

Because after all, you are basically trying to sell yourself to your ex here but you kind of screwed up your sales pitch already.

But don’t worry… that’s what I am here for.

I am going to show you the correct type of sales pitch that you are going to have to implement to have a chance.

Are you ready?

Ya?

Well, slow down there for a second. First we need to understand what odds you have working against you.

What Odds Do You Have Working Against You If You Begged?

odds

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that you have a lot working against you if you begged for your ex boyfriend back. In this section I intend to examine the exact odds that you are going to have to overcome in order to get your boyfriend back.

Are you read for them?

Lets get started!

  • He Looks Down On You Because You Begged
  • You Were Annoying To Him
  • He Can’t Envision A Future With You Anymore

Lets take an in-depth look at these odds.

(And believe me when I tell you that it’s really important for you to understand these.)

He Looks Down On You Because You Begged

Earlier I established that when you beg for someone back there is a beggar and a receiver.

The beggar is always in a position of weakness while the receiver is always in a position of power.

Well, the big odd that you are going to have to overcome if you begged for your boyfriend back is the fact that you are in a position of weakness and your ex is going to constantly look down on you. In other words, he is definitely going to think that he is here,

ladder

And you are here,

ladder copy

Hmm… maybe there is a better way I can go about explaining this.

Ok, lets take my wife and I’s relationship. At no point during the attraction phase when we were getting to know each other did I think,

“I am WAY better than her.”

And believe me, I have been on dates where I have thought that about the person sitting across the table from me….

Your wondering about that, huh?

Ok, I’ll open up a bit.

When I was 20 I remember going on a date with a girl that I thought was dumb.

Seriously… this girl was D… U… M… B…

And I don’t like saying that about people.

Though I will say that I learned something positive about myself from the experience. At 20 years old I was pretty content just to be going on a date with a girl that was halfway decent looking. In fact, I am sure if you were to ask me back what my requirements about dating a girl were I would probably just say that she had to be good looking and that’s it…. Pretty shallow, right?

However, after actually being on a date with a girl that only had looks going for her I realized that I found her more unattractive than an ugly girl with a really great personality.

Here is my point, if your ex boyfriend looks down on you, you are basically in the position that, that dumb girl was who I went on that date with.

Scary, huh?

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You Are Annoying To Him

annoying

Lets pretend for a moment that you have a kid…

Some of you may actually have kids. But if you don’t just pretend that you do.

How old is your little bundle of hell… I mean Joy?

Lets say that he/she is around 5 years old and both of you are doing some grocery shopping.

While grocery shopping your child spots something that it wants… a toy.

Now, you being the very strict parent that you are make an internal decision that you are not going to buy that toy for your child. However, the child is determined to get it and starts begging you and when he/she doesn’t get his/her way he/she starts throwing a temper tantrum.

Annoying, huh?

Well, an ex boyfriend can look at you this way if you were especially annoying when you were begging him to come back.

You can see how this would be a problem when it comes to getting him back, right?

Hmm…

I feel I am not properly explaining this so I guess I will get personal again.

I am going to make a statement here and I want you to remember it and then after I make it I am going to back it up with proof.

A man isn’t going to date a woman who, initially, he finds annoying

Now, some of you may be wondering,

“Wait, my ex boyfriend called me annoying when we were dating. Why did he date me?”

It’s actually entirely possible that he found you annoying after he was dating you.

Use common sense.

People aren’t drawn to annoying things. It’s a simple fact of life.

Here is my proof.

Your aware of the Star Wars saga, right?

When George Lucas came out with the prequels to the original star wars trilogy fans were excited. However, after seeing “The Phantom Menace” (the first prequel) they were very disappointed. In fact, “The Phantom Menace” is widely accepted as the worst Star Wars movie and most super fans of the franchise blame one character,

jarjar

Jar Jar Binks…

The number one characteristic to describe him…

HE WAS ANNOYING!

No one wants to date a Jar Jar Binks.

He Can’t Envision A Future With You Anymore

One of the most interesting aspects of dating is picturing yourself (long term) with the person who you are with.

Let me give you an example.

When I was dating my wife I constantly envisioned what the future would be like.

Romantic getaways…

Passionate moments…

Children running in to wake us up on Christmas morning…

And all of that really appealed to me. But what if it didn’t…

What if she was really annoying during the dating phase. What if we had broken up and she had begged for me back?

Would I still be capable of imagining a future with her?

Hmm…

That’s an interesting question.

Truthfully… yes. I would still be able to envision a future with her BUT it probably wouldn’t be a positive one.

Instead of having those happy daydreams that I was having before they would probably look a little like this,

hell

Thank god for my wife being AWESOME.

Here is my ultimate point.

If your ex boyfriend considers you to be annoying (which he will if you begged for him back) any future he envisions with you is not going to be positive. Instead, it’s going to be very negative and that puts you at a HUGE disadvantage.

Let me give you another example.

Do you see this guy,

jim

That’s Jim. He’s your next boyfriend and is the most amazing person you have ever met.

In fact, I would go as far as saying that he could very well be “the one.”

But what if I told you that the second that you and him started dating officially you were guaranteed to die in a week.

Would you date him?

Unless you have a death wish then you probably wouldn’t.

And that’s what it’s kind of like when your ex boyfriend looks at a future with you negatively. It’s not very appealing to him.

So, how can we make it appealing?

How can we turn this perception that he has of you around?

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How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Begged For Him Back

begging

There are two goals that you absolutely have to accomplish if you are going to have any chance of shedding this “begging” tag that your ex has placed on you.

  1. You have to reshape his perception of you
  2. You have to get him back from a position of power

If you can do these two things then I am confident in saying that you have a really good chance of success.

Now, above I did a huge write up on this idea of being a salesman and how there is immediate negative connotations when you try to pitch an item to someone. Instead, I pointed out that it’s more effective to slowly pitch that item by building value to your customer.

Well, that’s what we are going to do.

We are going to take our time and slowly re-shape his perception of you and then once you are confident his perception is reshaped that’s when you can go in for the kill.

I’ll talk about that in a second.

First things first… lets talk about perception.

How To Reshape Your Exes Perception Of You

Reshaping someones view of you isn’t accomplished overnight. In fact, for some people it takes YEARS. Unfortunately, we don’t have years. In fact, I am certain that after years even you will have probably lost interest in your ex.

So, time is of the essence.

So, what the hell can we do to reshape an exes perception of you in just a few months.

Well, that’s where the shock factor comes into play.

The Shock Factor

Imagine for a moment that a child is perceived as weak and is being picked on at school. Every time he attends a class other kids are picking on him by starting fights. Now, the child in question here is a pacifist by nature. He likes to avoid violence as much as humanly possible.

You see where this is going, right?

One day a kid who was picking on him pushes him to far and he decides for the first time to fight back.

He throws a punch and knocks the kid out cold…

knockout

Everyone is shocked…

That was the last thing that anyone expected him to do.

One punch is all it took for the “weak child” to be perceived as the “don’t ever mess with this kid” child.

Do you see where I am going with this?

In order for your ex boyfriend to perceive you differently you need a shock factor of your own. You need to do something that completely blows his mind.

Now, I feel it’s important that I mention that this shock that you are going to be delivering to his system needs to be positive.

I mean, can you imagine if you walked up to your ex one day and said,

“I pooped on your car…”

did what?

While that certainly classifies as a “shock” it is not going to benefit you since all pooping on your ex boyfriends car will do is alienate him into never taking you back.

You’ll forever be labeled as that crazy ex girlfriend that pooped on his car…

Hahahaha come on… you had to laugh at that.

Anyways, what kinds of things can you do to shock his system into viewing you differently?

Well, I have two things in mind.

Thing #1: The Immediate Behavior Change

Human beings love patterns and routines.

But do you know what we love more than those things?

Assumptions!

Take the example I gave about the “weak” child who delivered the punch of a century. Well, the only reason that, that example was shocking to the fake people involved is the fact that everyone assumed this child was weak when it turned out that he wasn’t.

Lets take this a step further.

Most of the amazing shocking moments that we have experienced in our lives is probably due to a deviation from our assumption.

We assume one thing and then the opposite happens… SHOCKING!

And you have an incredible opportunity here.

If you are invested in reading this then I am going to assume (there is that word again) that you begged for your ex boyfriend back to an annoying level.

That is the behavior that you have exhibited. So, doesn’t it make sense that your ex boyfriend, who is annoyed with you, is going to assume that the begging will continue since it hasn’t stopped. So, lets do something and deviate from his assumption.

How do we do this?

THE NO CONTACT RULE!

Now, I have talked about the no contact rule multiple times on this site so I am not going to do an in-depth explanation here. Instead, if you want that I suggest that you pick up PRO.

Lets move on to the second shocking thing you can do.

Thing #2: Show Him A Different Side Of Yourself

With this one we are really using your past relationship with him to our advantage.

You see, when you date someone the more you learn about them the more you assume about them.

For example, if your ex boyfriend grew up hating action movies then you would assume that he hates all action movies but maybe there is one action movie that he loves more than anything… Rambo.

Well, the second that he deviates from your assumption is the second that you are kind of shocked by it.

So here is what I want you to do. I want you to show him a different side of yourself. The most important aspect of this though is the fact that this different side that you show him has to be fascinating to him.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

But Chris… what if I have already shown him “all of my sides.”

Well in that case branch out and get a new side for yourself.

Will it take time?

Sure.

But will it be worth it?

Absolutely!

Hmm… maybe I should give you an example so I can really hammer this point home for you.

My dad always used to tell me that there are two types of girls in the world.

Indoor Girls

&

Outdoor Girls

Now, there are no hidden meanings here as the definitions for each are exactly like they sound.

  • Indoor Girls- More prone to participating in indoor activities.
  • Outdoor Girls- More prone to participating in outdoor activities.

So, lets assume that you are an indoor girl and don’t like going outside that much. Well, while your ex boyfriend was dating you he has this information filed away in his head somewhere. So, in order to change his perception of you, you decide that you are going to take sailing lessons and learn how to sail.

Oh, lets also go ahead and say you are filthy rich and own a sailing boat!

Anyways, at some point when you are trying to get him back you mention that you took these sailing lessons and ideally he will be totally shocked by this news since it completely goes against his perception of you.

Oh, and it also is a perfect opportunity to go on a date somewhere down the road.

Maybe you should take some sailing lessons and get rich 😉 .

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You Have To Get Him Back From A Position Of Power

power

Power…

Such a simple word but such a strong meaning.

Right now your ex boyfriend has all the power and you have very little because of your begging.

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear but it’s the truth.

So, the question now becomes how can you get the power back?

Well, what I am about to propose is a bit risky since it really limits the risks you can take when getting an ex boyfriend back but I honestly don’t see any way to succeed in getting him back from a position of power without abiding by the rules I am about to set.

But first…

Lets Talk About Getting Him Back If You Begged

Begging for an ex back puts you in a unique position.

You see, usually the women who come to this site do things wrong in the fact that they expect their ex boyfriend to do half the things like,

  • Reaching out via text message
  • Initiating phone calls
  • Asking for the date

But the truth is that for the average breakup you should be the one doing a lot of that stuff.

You see, women have always been taught that the man is supposed to do those things and for the most part they are right. If men are the one trying to get the girl it demonstrates that he is very into the girl and the girl has most of the power at the beginning. But I argue that breakups put women in a unique position where they almost have to be the ones to scramble to get an ex back.

The one exception to my logic there is begging.

If the woman has excessively (keyword is excessively) begged for her ex boyfriend back then if she is the one to initiate any of the “big steps” to the recovery process it can almost be looked at as begging by a man and puts her in a position of weakness.

In other words, begging really puts you in a bad position for later on because you have to alter a strategy where you can control interactions by initiating them to waiting for him to initiate them.

So, whats the big deal with having an ex initiate things?

The Power Of Having An Ex Boyfriend Initiate Things

Hmm… I think I would like to do this by using a point system.

We will use something small to start off with and go from there.

Lets go with text messages. Specifically, the initiating of conversations through text messages.

Alright, lets say that text messages are worth 5 points. In other words if you initiate a text conversation you give him 5 points and if he initiates a text conversation it gives you 5 points.

He Initiates = 5 points to you

You Initiate = 5 points to him

The points basically indicate the score on who has more power.

So, lets assume that you and your ex boyfriend had a total of ten text message conversations over the past ten days.

He initiated 2 of them while you initiated 8 of them.

  • His Power Score = 40 points (since you initiated 8 conversations)
  • Your Power Score = 10 points (since he only initiated 2 conversations)

40 > 10 any day of the week. In other words, according to this example he has way more power than you. Ideally, we want you to have more power.

Now lets move on to phone calls and what they are worth.

So, I am going to say that phone calls are worth 10 points.

He Initiates = 10 points to you

You Initiate = 10 points to him

And finally we have the game changer….

Dates.

Basically I am going to classify a date as any interaction where you are spending quality time with him, preferably alone, the exception here is that sometimes you may have to go on double dates or group dates.

Dates are worth 40 points…

In other words,

He Initiates The Date = 40 points to you

You Initiate The Date = 40 points to him

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Keeping Score

So, since you are in a position where you desperately begged for your ex boyfriend back I want you to do the following exercise,

From this point on I want you to play a little game. You are going to be keeping score on who starts conversations using the point system I devised above. The object of the game is to have a higher score than him.

Why is this so important to do?

It’s important because you begged and in order to understand if he is viewing you as his equal or a hot commodity you need to study if he is going out of his way to win you.

Now, I know what you are wondering.

“Ok Chris, I totally get the premise of keeping score and getting the power back but how? What tactics should I use to ensure that he is the one starting conversations?”

Well thats my trump card.

In the immortal words of the Joker,

If your good at something never do it for free.

My best recommendation is to check out my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, if you aren’t looking to spend money then I completely understand and you can ask me a question in the comments or check out some of the other articles on this website.

See ya!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. Ending conversations abruptly like I just did is part of the strategy 😉

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

727 thoughts on “You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That”

  1. Em

    December 8, 2017 at 11:46 pm

    I have tried nc but have only managed 2 weeks at the most!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 3:05 pm

      Ok, but how many times have you done it?

  2. Kate

    December 6, 2017 at 9:58 am

    I would say so…? I haven’t wanted to excessively post because it’s not something I have ever done and usually don’t post anything at all. However, I have posted whenever I have went out with friends and went to a concert and posted a picture of myself when I went to an event that we were supposed to be going to together so everything that I’ve posted has been positive and happy! I still have a picture of him and I as my cover picture on Facebook and I know I should change it (which I am going to) but should I delete it completely off Facebook too? I honestly don’t think he’s even missing me at all, when he finished it with me he didn’t seem phased or even the slightest bit upset and genuinely just did not give a damn about being really really nasty to me (I know I’m silly for wanting him back but I can’t help it). Friends have told me that he is all of a sudden liking all his ex’s things on social media and there are many signs indicating that he is now going with her so I genuinely have no clue what to think at this stage anymore…

  3. Em

    December 4, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    Hey,
    Me and my Fiance broke up after 7 years together. We have been broken up for 3 months now, the longest I have gone is 2 weeks nc. During these months apart, we have hooked up with each other twice.
    Yes, I have begged and we have had this conversation about giving the relationship another go many times which hasn’t been a success and probably pushed him away further as we both get frustrated.
    This guide has helped but can you suggest what I should do next please?
    Would really appreciate it!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 7:43 pm

      Hi Em,

      how many times have you done nc by now?

  4. Kate

    December 1, 2017 at 7:04 am

    Hey, 4 weeks ago my boyfriend text me and said he didn’t care if he never seen me again. We had been a couple for a year and a half and our relationship was always very good and we were both very happy. He didn’t give any reasons other than “it just won’t work” and at the time of the breakup I did plead with him for a day or two (which I now know I shouldn’t have) but I was just so upset and shocked and confused. He was still talking to me though as he wanted to remain friends but just keep saying “I don’t know , it just won’t work”. A couple of days after the break up I cut contact and I am now coming to the end of it and have followed all the information provided on what to do during the no contact phase. I was wondering , does the pleading that I done count as excessive? Have I greatly hindered my chances of getting him back and does it mean I can no longer initiate things? I also seen something about sending a clean slate message after pleading but I was already two weeks into no contact and the last conversation we had was not vicious or an argument or anything, what should I do regarding this or will he gather that I have accepted the break up from the work I have been doing during no contact and the way in which I initiate contact? Thanks in advance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 4, 2017 at 5:13 am

      Hi Kate,

      Youe chances depend now on how active you are in improving yourself and in posting..does your posts seem like you chose to stop chasing and move on?

  5. Yuop

    November 30, 2017 at 9:30 am

    Oh, and I forgot to mention he isn’t keen on returning my stuff or taking his things

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 30, 2017 at 8:28 pm

      Hi yuop,
      Do less of posts that disappears after 24 hours..focus in improving yourself and in doing posts that just stays there.. If you didn’t do that during those two weeks, that’s a no contact rule period… Nc rule means focusing in improving yourself and being active in posting while not talking to him and continuing to do so after nc period while slowly rebuilding rapport

  6. Yuop

    November 30, 2017 at 9:28 am

    Tried the nc rule for 2 weeks now alr but he isn’t interested in my life anymore. He doesn’t checks on my posts or snaps alr. Any other advice on what to do to get him back?

  7. Rie

    November 29, 2017 at 6:04 am

    Weve been dating 3yrs and half he broke up with me because hes not sure if his love on me is a gf or a friend were not that fighting. I begged him for almost 2months but failed, Hes been cold after break up, and now i want to do the nc rule. Is it possible to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 3:03 pm

      Hi Rie,

      Try it..it’s not a guarantee but the advice above increases your chances

  8. Yuop

    November 26, 2017 at 8:18 am

    So we broke up about a month ago and during the first week we had small conversations. After that we stopped talking for 2 weeks and I texted him for my stuff. And now we aren’t contacting anymore. Initiated the break but I didn’t want it after but he wanted it. He said we were different persons and had to let go. We were together for 2 years. Talked about marriage and moving in together. Any chance for us to get back together? I really love him. We had lots of small fights in between and he said it’s all about my character. How do I change this? He doesn’t seem to care at all and looks like he’s moving on well. He said he is happier now because of the space he has and I’ve been controlling him. Do I do the NC and see if he texts me or do I move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 2:01 am

      Hi Yuop,

      Try the nc rule first.

  9. Antoneta

    November 19, 2017 at 1:36 am

    Hello! I really want to know what tactics should I use to ensure that he is the one starting conversations?

    Can you please write something about that? It will be very much appreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:39 pm

  10. D

    November 15, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    What about for a wife who has begged for several months and has spiraled downhill following the pending divorce? I am in counseling now in trying to improve myself but he is at a point where he said he no longer has it in him to continue with the marriage and is tired And emotionally exhausted. He says he wants me to be happy he still treats me with respect and where still living together just sleeping separately but he has completely shut down and just wants me to you be financially stable so that I can move out. He told me there’s no changing his mind, he will not go back. Initiating conversations isn’t hard because we live together and he still thinks of me as a friend so how would I apply this or is it even worth it should I just give up because I feel like I’ve damaged my image so much in his eyes in that he has nothing left except wishing me well…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:12 am

  11. Em

    October 21, 2017 at 3:40 pm

    Hi, me and my boyfriend of over a year broke up a little over a month ago, I have finally been doing the NC rule for 8 days now and whenever I post something he looks at it and for the first 4 weeks after the breakup I was in his Facebook header. we broke up bc he’s super stressed out from school and two jobs and he plans on moving after this year but so do I, I kept telling him we had options but he didn’t wanna listen to me because he’s stubborn. we still had feelings for each other I’m his longest relationship, the first person he loved and the first person he truly opened up to, a couple days before we broke up we apologized and owned up to all of our fights (which there was only 4 of)

  12. Ranjitha

    October 4, 2017 at 7:56 am

    Hello Chris, this is ranjitha from India
    Actually me and bf were in a relationship of almost two years and we broke up two weeks ago. The reason being he says he doesn’t feel for me anymore and that I am cuff for him. He says he doesn’t feel like marrying me and that it won’t ever work out. He says we aren’t an appropriate match and considers other couples perfect. He even lost his father a year back. Can it be the reason? We were in an on and off relationship from past two months and when I finally gave up two weeks ago because he wanted me to get tired and leave. I have been in no contact from past two weeks and he hasn’t contacted me directly since then. And after twenty days I have to go to his place and pick my stuff. can you help me with my situation please? And this is our first serious breakup where I have started thre no contact. what are my chances of getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2017 at 7:26 am

      Hi Ranjitha,

      Hoe much are you improving yourself and how active are you in posting?

  13. Gigi

    August 20, 2017 at 12:52 pm

    Hi to whoever poor soul dealing with us miserable girls going on and on about our maybe-not-so-worthy-of-our-love ex boyfriends.
    Ahh, cliffhangers are my weakness. It just kills me not to know how things end. It is the one thing that makes me stay up all night finishing a TV series or a whole novel. I read this article about a week ago and purchased Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. What pages should I essentially focus on to read more about your trump card?
    Btw, I have read the whole book. But I want to read the above-mentioned part more carefully.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 9:13 pm

      Hi GIgi,

      Read the parts about the texting and being the ungettable girl.

  14. Keerthi

    August 14, 2017 at 10:46 am

    Hy Chris..this is Keerthi from India…My boyfriend broke up with me just before 2 weeks..we were toghter since 3 years… reason for the break up was we were fighting and his family got involved n his mom got angry on me n warned him not to see me anymore.. evnen he was annoyed and frustrated due to all the fighting n decided to be better I choice.. I tried to contact him n did begging n pleading also but later he blocked me everywhere (all social media n phone calls..the last time when I contacted him through a mutual friend he said we are done n there is no way that my mom is gona trust u n accept you so do not keep any false hope..m done with you..don’t contact me anymore if you do so I am gonna hate you even more.)I have no means to communicate with him anymore…I have been following NC since 10 days…but I Dont know what’s going on in his mind…he is really mad at me..I don’t know if NC will work for my Situation because of the involvement of his family…I don’t know what should be the next step that I have to take…he is really “the one” for me but I don’t think so if he see me like that…help me..tell me what I can do…I really can’t afford your guide n thatz is the sad part too..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 14, 2017 at 9:18 pm

      Have you checked this one:
      EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

      If yes, do you want to try the advice in it?

  15. Amanda

    August 12, 2017 at 2:11 pm

    Me and my ex have been off and on for 2 years . He’s my first love . We both had trust issues against each other . Mine was mainly his ex . We got together right after they ended a four year relationship & she would sometimes still try and contact him . He broke up with me because one day he was dealing with family issues and I continued to blow up his phone starting arguments with him because of a argument we had the night before . He said he was done . For good and told me to move on and not contact him anymore . He never told me to move on before . I was beyond hurt and confused I continued to contact him up for a couple of days . Which I knew I shouldn’t have. He called me a physco , blocked my calls (not texts) his phone does that . and threaten to change his number . He said I annoyed him to the max . He even told me he was going to try to work things out with her , but later apologized for saying it says he said it to get me to leave him alone . Finally our last conversation I basically apologized for the way I was acting and explained myself .He basically just told me maybe if I would’ve just gave him a break after he ended things we could’ve worked things out & how it’s the wrong moves I made and I won’t make them again with my future relationships(which he never talked about me being in a future relationship before ) at the end he told me he still loves and cares about me a lot but he knows I won’t change and after the way I acted. he’s done for good .

    I know I need to do no contact . Does it sound like I should do no contact to improve and move on ? Or should I do no contact and try to get him back at the end ? Also for how long ?

    Also just to add we have a ten year age difference and he has no social media.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 13, 2017 at 7:05 pm

      HI Amanda,

      if you want a higher chance of getting him back, do no contact to heal and improve yourself to the point that if you don’t get him back, it will hurt, but despite the hurt, you’ll go in life. You’ll go on continuing to improving yourself. Do at least 45 days.

  16. Taylor

    July 20, 2017 at 2:43 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up after three years together. He wasn’t just my boyfriend but my best friend. We talked about marriage, kids, and the future constantly. I initiated the break-up, thinking that I wanted to start a family closer to my parents (who live on the west coast) and he didn’t want to leave the current state we lived in. Also, I didn’t know if what I felt for him was really love. See, I had a fear of love and marriages. Nowadays people get married and end up divorcing years later, as well as, saying they love each other and then changing their mind, that scares me. Now I’ve realized that when you love someone thats the chance you take for them. Anyways, we decided to part ways four months ago. I moved out of our place last month and moved closer to my parents. Within the last month I realized that I don’t need to be by my family in order start a family. That love is more important and trumps family (in a sense). With this new knowledge I called my ex-boyfriend the other night begging him to give me a second chance, telling him that I made a mistake, informing him of the realizations that I’ve had since being here. It was just like the sales example given above, I just couldn’t take no for an answer. Anyways he told me that he is trying to move on and that I should too, that I am a great friend but that he doesn’t want to start over again since he thinks I will likely choose my family again and leave him. He informed me again that I needed to start moving. Since I wasn’t taking “no” for an answer he told me that he needed to go and we said bye. I’ve been beside myself this past week with the realization that I likely lost my one true love. It hurts knowing that I did this. So like everyone else, I’ve been searching for ways to get him back. What would be your advice? Every time that him and I have talked or texted since our break-up, has been initiated by me. Should I try the NC rule or should I move on with the hope that we’ll reconnect one day and that what’s meant to be will happen?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 23, 2017 at 6:35 pm

      Why not try the advice above? It’s better to be active than just wait

  17. Jessica

    July 8, 2017 at 3:59 am

    My ex and I dated for 9 months. He broke things off with me because I bowed up at him at work during an argument. I started crying right after because of the situation we were in. 5 days later he broke up with me when I got upset that he bailed on me. He told me that he was afraid we were going to become physical with each other after I bowed up and that maybe in the future. He wanted to be single and that I cause stress. So, I decided I needed to change my actions. I realized i’m a toxic person because of my past and I no longer want to be that person anymore. I made an appointment with my doctor, he prescribed me some medicine and I am now talking to a counselor every week. However…. I begged for him back for about a week and a half. Then I started getting mad because I spent a lot of money on tickets for an event. I asked for the money back and he got mad told me any chance of us getting together is gone, deleted my number, snap chat, etc. If anyone asked about me, he now says a lot of negative things. We work together and the next day I apologize for getting upset and he wouldn’t speak to me. The next time we worked together he would then tense up and would not make eye contact if we were in the room together. People at work even noticed. Well he has been gone for the last week and I will see him at work Monday. I haven’t texted or spoke to him in over a week but I never know what to do while we are at work.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 7:08 pm

  18. Shy

    July 5, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    Hello! My name is Shy and me and my boyfriend broke up about three weeks ago, after two years and a promise to marry each other. While I was attending school, my effort in the relationship slowly declined, causing me to eventually tell him in different forms that I didn’t need him or want him. This lead to a mutual breakup after I tried to fix what I had caused. He says he’d like to start off as friends and maybe try again. Before we began dating, he was my best friend for 5 years even though we both always had feelings for each other. After he told me this, I went into full blown panic mode and began to beg him with pathetic sayings such as “I’d give anything to have us back” etc. I’ve recently began the NC rule, and he’s messaged me once. He even called me about a week ago out of the blue, but this was before I discovered the no contact rule. Please send help on what I should do next. Does it sound like I should’ve give up and just result us in never getting back together? Or should I continue to try? I would love to have hope that I get to have the opportunity to be with my best friend again.

    Please help,
    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2017 at 7:27 pm

      Hi Shy,
      are you actively improving yourself and being active in posting?

  19. Cat

    July 3, 2017 at 1:51 am

    I was dating this great guy for just 5 or 6 weeks. I ended up making a mess of myself, getting super desperate and needy on date 8, crying and begging him for more, and he broke things off with me the next day (he was honestly super nice about it). He told a mutual acquaintance that he had really liked me, but I got way too intense and wanted too much from him too soon. I didn’t beg him during or after the breakup and haven’t reached out to him since then, which was 3 weeks ago. Do you think there is any chance I can ever redeem myself?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 1:27 pm

      are you improving yourself and are you active in posting?

  20. Claire

    June 18, 2017 at 2:15 am

    So I’m in a bit of a predicament here. My boyfriend broke up with me as soon as he moved to another state (we had already planned that I would go live with him in a couple of months). He said it was because he felt he couldn’t be honest with me, which I understand what he meant. I did the unforgettable and started begging. It didn’t work of course, so I stopped talking to him for a couple days and he came back. And we got back together. Thing is, he broke up with me a few days later saying the same thing. And again, I made the mistake of begging. We are still texting though, but Ican tell I pushed him away. Will going no contact for the full term help ? I know what I did wrong and I know I can fix it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 19, 2017 at 7:17 pm

      hmm..what did you do wrong and how are you going to fix it?

  21. Amy

    June 17, 2017 at 11:48 am

    I am a bit confused! So do I do the NC first and then do the point score or are these separate strategies which can be applied individually!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    2. Amy

      July 5, 2017 at 8:43 am

      Well, I have done the begging and convincing after the NC so I don’t know how to proceed now?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      Because you didnt do everything the right way.. Did you just lately do the begging? The right way to do nc is to improve yourself, be active in posting, slowly and continuously build rapport while also continuing to do what you started to do in nc.. It’s not a guarantee that that will work. It will only increase your chances but since you didn’t follow it, it didn’t help you too.. So, try it the right way, one last time..if it doesn’t work out, you have to move on..

    4. Amy

      July 6, 2017 at 9:39 am

      Hello Amor
      I had improved myself alot during the NC but it’s like I fell in love with him again and that made me desperate and did all these stupid things which I knew I shouldn’t have done! I have done the begging some weeks ago but I have continued to be in contact with him but just small talk nothing else and as he is distant so there aren’t many times we could have talked!

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      Do at least 45 days..

  22. Jennifer

    May 19, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    So my boyfriend and I sorta had a mutual breakup in January of this year. I didn’t want it and just flooded him with questions and asking if there’s still a chance with us for about 4 months. Finally he said no and I let go. I told him whatever is meant to be will be and I haven’t contacted him in about 10 days. I know he still loves me. I just want to know did I ruin my chances by the begging. I’m doing the NC now and really working on myself while trying to let him go. I just want a professional opinion. Thank you

    1. Jennifer

      May 19, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      Also want to add we were together for 3 years. I love him very much and I know we had our problems. Thought we would make it through all of them. I was very desperate those months. He even said it. I feel like he kept me around to get over me. Getting over me slowly. Not like a shock. I hate that I did that. Wish I started NC right away and was stronger. Do you think I ruined it all?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 11:07 pm

      it depends more on what you will do now and after nc. Focus on that.

    3. Jennifer

      May 20, 2017 at 12:03 am

      What kind of advice can you give me for now?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 21, 2017 at 6:10 pm

      improve yourself..because you can only control yourself.. follow the advice above and check this one:
      The Ungettable Girl

  23. Rajni

    May 16, 2017 at 5:47 am

    Hi, i read everything chris is teaching here. We started as FWB but i was always in love wid him. But i nvr forced him. He initially was meeting me 3 – 4times a wk den slowly it became just once a month. Den he contacted whenever he wanted to hookup. I saw him flirting too so we had a fight over dis. But he ensured me dat now he wont b breaking my trust agn. I trusted and den he broke it agn. Not by flirting but gave me a time to meet and whn i reached dere, he didnt came and his mobile was off. I was hurt obviously. I went immediately NC.
    I decided to go for 21 day NC as we were not officially dating. After 21 days he contacted me agn and i picked up. He said he wants to see me (for a hookup). I said yes, but den i refused and i dont want to hv sex wid him until he commits.
    Then next day, i sent him a msg dat he already knew dat i liked him buy still he continuously was breaking my trust..agn and agn. But he said “get lost”. I said dat if you can’t respect me den atleast dont insult. But u already hurt me so much so ok… I can only wish u d best.. Bye”
    Nvr heard from him agn. I brokeup becauae he was using me clearly. But i miss him so much and still want him back. I want his genuine love. I have already done NC. Now what can I do??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 17, 2017 at 6:56 pm

      you cant change other people..you had the right reason when you walked away but it looks like you said it and did for him to change, not because it’s really what you believe but, you still made the right choice of walking away..for me you should move on but if you really want to try for a last chance, do at least 45 days..take it slow in building rapport after.. if he still just wants sex, move on..

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