By Rachel

So, in  the beginning of the relationship things were wonderful and magical, and you could never imagine a day that he wouldn’t look at you with adoring eyes. Unfortunately, this happens a lot in relationships today.

It’s a hard truth that after you’ve been with someone for a while. Maybe you’ve gotten used to him. Perhaps he doesn’t dazzle you the same way they used to. Personally, I don’t really mind when this happens in relationships… to an extent. To me it just means you’ve entered another level of trust and affection. It means you don’t need to put on a full face of makeup before leaving the house because you know he doesn’t need to see you all made up to love you and be attracted to you. It’s a comfortable companionship and friendship, and the longest lasting and most successful relationships are based on those two things.

But why I added the “to an extent” caveat earlier is because even if the two of you fall into a comfortable companionship, that doesn’t mean that respect, affection, and appreciation should go out the window. But so frequently, it does.

Once you’ve been with each other for a while, it’s not unusual that someone gets taken for granted.

Let me tell you something: Recovery isn’t always about getting an ex back. Sometimes, it’s also about figuring out what you deserve. And, sometimes that means realizing that you deserve better than you’ve been getting. Sometimes, in our Facebook Group Here women make their “I’m finally moving on!” posts:

“He never valued me or the things I did for him.”

“My ex never respected me or the work I did in our relationship.”

“He never acknowledged my worth.”

“I deserve better.”

It’s a pretty common to realize an ex boyfriend that you’ve been putting on a pedestal actually didn’t value you and what you did for them as much as they did in the beginning. It’s empowering to realize that we deserve better that what we’ve been running after.

But why is this such a common problem? And what can we do about it?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Why Men Take Their Girlfriends, Wives, Or Partners For Granted

I hesitate to say this, but I do think it is generally true that men tend to take their female partners for granted more than women tend to take their male partners for granted.

I have a theory about why this is.

Historically, men’s primary job in the family order was to go out into the world and provide. As cavemen, males were the ones to go out and hunt to provide food for their family. As time progressed, men continued to be the ones to go out and work to make money to provide for their family, while the women were left home to tend to the household duties and children – which brings me to women’s expected role. Women have historically been considered to be the more social of the sexes. Their relationships with other people – their husbands, children, and friends, were their primary purpose. Women were responsible for the relationship side of things, while men were responsible for providing.

It’s no wonder, based on this centuries-old social construct that women generally tend to put in more effort into relationships than men do. Even now, when we have broken through most of the “expected roles” with more women than ever before as part of the workforce, and men are doing more stay at home parenting, there is still a certain level of expectation that women will keep the relationship running smoothly.

It is no secret that you have to continue to date and fall in love with your partner everyday. This means two weeks into your relationship or 20 years into your relationship. A little bit of effort goes a long way, but as time goes on, that seems to get forgotten. We get comfortable and begin to feel like we don’t need to try as hard. I’m not saying that a man should cook his wife a five course dinner each Saturday night, although, I’m sure that would be appreciated. I am saying that a little thoughtfulness and acknowledging a partner’s thoughtfulness will go a long way.

And this doesn’t just go for men. Just because this may generally come more naturally for women doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes need the reminder, too.

  • Remember to say thank you.
  • Do small things to show him you’re thinking of him.
  • Tell him what you like about him.

If you haven’t read up on the Five Love Languages, I suggest you do so that you can get an idea of how you tend to express love, and how you receive it. Because, not everyone needs to be loved in the same way.

Here is a quick breakdown of the love languages to get you started:

  1. Quality Time – spending time with your partner doing things together that one or both of you enjoy.
  2. Physical Touch – cuddling, hugging, physical intimacy. Showing love through physicality.
  3. Words of Affirmation – Being told that you’re loved, or having someone tell you how wonderful they think you are and why.
  4. Acts of Service – Having your partner do something you don’t want to do or that needs to be done as a way of showing love
  5. Giving/Receiving Gifts – Pretty self explanatory, but feeling someone’s love for you based on physical gifts or experiences they offer.

So oddly enough, the primary way that I like to receive love is words of affirmation. I love hearing someone gush about how wonderful they think I am. Nothing makes me feel more loved. However, one of the best ways I know how to give love is through gifts and acts of service.

You may find it’s a different mix with different partners. You might need to express your love differently within different relationships.Part of showing someone you care is to put in the effort to learn a new love language to mesh with them. But if you haven’t, I do recommend you look into these 5 love languages. It offers a lot in the way of learning how to communicate with your loved ones. This will be helpful in any relationship you’re in – if you get back with your ex, or you move on to someone new. You can even use it in friendships and in interactions with your family.

So, now that we’ve covered why your ex may have taken you for granted, we are going to discuss…

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

How Can I Make Him See My Worth If We’re Already Broken Up?

What’s the best way to make someone realize what they’re missing? Disappear from their life completely so they face the reality of a life without you.

That’s right – No Contact is the first step. Shocker, huh?

Your ex is used to spending time with you on a pretty regular basis. So when a relationship ended it’s likely that he was not fully prepared for the reality of what a life without you would be like. So instead of being readily available the best thing you can do is make him live with the consequences of his actions. Go full No Contact

Think about it – if you were his girlfriend, you offered him a lot. It’s likely that you did things for him that he didn’t even think of on a daily basis. Instead of sharing the duty of washing dishes or walking the dog, he now has to do those by himself.

I’ve mentioned before that men and women handle breakups differently. Women tend to mourn right away, while men tend to not understand the full gravity of the breakup until later on. Taking their partners for granted tends to be a part of that. But as time passes, and you do more and more things alone that the two of you used to do together, it makes sense that a sense of loneliness and regret might set in. I know in all of my breakups, I’ve done a No Contact period, though it was before I found EBR so I didn’t call it that, and it wasn’t to get my ex’s back, but rather to take the time and space to heal. And guess what? Each and every time, I’ve gotten some version of an “I miss you” communication some time shortly after.

So though it may seem counter-intuitive, the best thing you can do it cut off contact and let the time and space work its magic. It’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t just happen. You can’t just sit and wait for him to come crawling back to you. There is still work you have to do. Time and space is absolutely needed, but, if your goal is to get your ex back, there are other things that will help to push the process along.

Using No Contact To Show Him What He’s Lost

If you haven’t taken some time away from your ex to heal and improve, then I have some SHOCKING news for you… You might be REINFORCING his tendency to take you for granted if you try and stay connected with your ex as if nothing happened.

Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, it is no secret that you should use distance and time to create a feeling of loss and regret in your ex. You are probably not new to the term No Contact. In fact, I’m betting if you are searching for answers to this problem on the web, we are probably not the only site you’ve landed on. So, I am certain you have probably seen this term already in your endeavors. But I am betting that you haven’t seen No Contact laid out the way our team does No Contact.

Check out the way WE do it HERE before you do ANYTHING else!

During your No Contact period, you should focus on working on improving yourself and your life. Do things that you didn’t have time for when you were in a relationship. Take that pottery class you’d been thinking about signing up for. Now is the time to put that time and energy on yourself. And post that stuff on social media for your ex boyfriend and his sphere of influence to see! Show off the fact that you are doing things you’ve always talked about wanting to do. Showcase the things you know he liked and appreciated about you And definitely show that you are off going out and having fun! I’s important that when he decides to check in on you that he doesn’t get the impression that you have just been wallowing in self-pity since the break up.

No one wants someone who makes one person their entire life. That’s a lot of pressure and it’s not attractive. And, there is truth that people don’t want something easily attainable. But, by creating the space between you and your ex and showing that you are happily living your life, it will automatically make them view you as unattainable.

So, if you combine the concept of time and space and showing off all of your positive improvements on social media, then you’ve mastered the No Contact period. Soon your ex boyfriend should feel your absence and begin missing you if he hasn’t already. Not only is the goal to make him feel like he’s losing you,  you need to emphasize that by making him feel like he’s also missing out on the person you are becoming and the future you are creating.

And you can bring that same tactic into the interactions that you have with your ex boyfriend once you make your first contact. Don’t be too available and answer his texts or calls right away – or sometimes, even at all. When you interact, be sure to show off your positive qualities – especially the things you know he liked about you.

One of the most effective parts of getting an ex boyfriend back is making him regret taking you for granted. And the key to that is using your No Contact period correctly.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

In Conclusion…

So maybe this Buffy quote doesn’t exactly line up with taking things for granted… in a relationship, but the overall sentiments are still the same. Plus, it’s funny:

“You know … you take the killing for granted. And then it’s gone, and you’re like, ‘I wish I’d appreciated it more’ … stopped and smelled the corpses, you know?” – Spike, “Where the Wild Things Are”

The main point is, you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone. That’s how it works with losing anything… a job, a friend, or a relationship.

As I mentioned, men tend to take their female partners for granted. They also have a tendency to process breakups differently, not fully understanding the weight of the loss until they’ve been without it for a while.

So what do you do about it?

Implement the magic formula: Time + Space + Change. The time and space that the No Contact period offers will automatically create the natural setting for your ex boyfriend to miss you, simply by forcing him to face the reality of a life without you.

And by making improvements and focusing on yourself over the No Contact period, you accomplish healing – which, honestly, is the most important part of the Ex Recovery process. No one wants to be miserable forever. And by indirectly reminding your ex boyfriend of your positive qualities, that, in conjunction with the reality of not having you anymore, is the perfect recipe to get him back into your arms.

The appropriate next question should be…

“Will No Contact alone make him regret taking me for granted AND come back?”

and the answer is… no!

What?

I know right?

That’s frustrating, I know. But the truth is yeah it will probably make him regret it, since you’ve put effort into creating a life that will peak his interest. However, if you want him to come back or not go right back to taking you for granted… you have to be able to create a functional back and forth style of communication. And, if you want to do that in a way that has been PROVEN to work, you should follow it up with the steps laid out in Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. Or, if you aren’t quite sure yet about diving headfirst into a program that works (check out these EBR Success Stories), you should read this article, “What To Do After No Contact.

Alright, so now that you know how to make your ex regret taking you for granted and you have the resources to know what to do AFTER No Contact, let’s talk about YOUR breakup in particular. I mean, we have written articles on almost every situation we have ever come across and, for the most part, every person that comes here thinks that they are an exception to the rules or perhaps that we haven’t touch on a specific situation that they are dealing with already.  And you know what, even though we have dealt with a LOT of situations, you may have something unique that we haven’t covered. And we don’t want to leave you in that situation. We want to help! So, In the comments below, tell me about your breakup and we’ll help teach you how to make him know your worth and realize what he’s lost.

I want to know:

  1. The details of your breakup. Exactly HOW did he take you for granted.
  2. What you’ve done since the breakup.
  3. And what actions you are going to take after reading this article.

What to Read Next

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88 thoughts on “How to Make Him Regret Taking You for Granted”

  1. Avatar

    Melanie

    May 15, 2020 at 6:45 am

    I enjoyed reading bf recovery . Had some good advice

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 15, 2020 at 5:05 pm

      Thank you for your comment

  2. Avatar

    Brrrrrit

    May 10, 2020 at 11:24 pm

    Ok…
    I met him and started dating him after he was fresh out of relationship work his child’s mother(10 months old)
    We dove in head first in love.

    Got pregnant and engaged in the first couple
    Months. He promised me he didn’t love her and he was grossed out by her. No one could
    Compare to me.
    So he said….
    Toward the end of my pregnancy – things were off.
    The tension build extremely high when my son was a couple months.
    We got in a huge fight and I realized he was still in love with her and was wanting me and my son to just disappear.
    To this day I don’t know if he sexually cheated; but for sure emotionally cheated.

    We’ve been apart for 2 months and recently we met up to trade off my son. When I dropped my
    Son off I appeared happy and wearing a mans oversized sport shirt ( not dating a SINGLE SOUL, keep in mind)he caught it immediately.
    When he dropped him off 5 hours later..
    I made sure to look STUNNING. He was so angry from thinking anoit me with another man from
    The drop off earlier – he was so cold and dropped him off so fast.
    I felt victorious for the first time in our entire relationship.
    For the first time he was going to lay his head down at night and mourn me-
    Not his ex ( for all I know- they may be together.. I don’t snoop.)
    We see each other again I’m two weeks. Where to go from here? Worried I pissed him off to the point of no return .. Never seen him so angry
    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 10:10 pm

      Hi Brit it sounds as if he was bothered at the thought of you being with someone else but if he is caught between you and his other ex then he is going to be stuck knowing what to do. You need to work on the Ungettable and show him he has lost someone great in you and know that as long as you can co parent civilly that is the best outcome for you at the moment, while you work through the program

  3. Avatar

    Shelby

    May 2, 2020 at 8:17 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago now. We had been together for a little over 1 1/2 years. The first year or a little less of the relationship was amazing. We are both in college. Once we got back for fall semester last year something started to change. We started to fight and argue about little things (he would blow them up) and then not talk to me for 2-3 days. He slowly stopped putting in effort into the relationship and a few times would talk to me about how he felt something was missing from our relationship that we used to have. He didn’t know what it was but didn’t want to give up on us and kept trying. For 6-7 more months he keeps trying and it felt like we would have an argument about how he doesn’t see a future but doesn’t want to give up yet about every 3 weeks. I started to put in most, if not all of the effort into the relationship. I was the one planning the dates, getting together just to hang, cooking meals, surprising him, etc. He slowly just stopped or did very little. Three days ago he realized how unfair it was for me to be with him when he wasn’t fully in the relationship and didn’t feel the connection we once had. I was heart broken. I spent months working and trying to get him to see and feel what I did. He said he doesn’t not want me in his life though and really wants to work to be friends. He said he still wants to be there to support each other through everything. I’m worried he is doing this to keep me in his back pocket for when he needs me. We share some of the same friend groups which is a reason for this I believe I well. We really had something special at the beginning and I truly saw a future with him and I know he did too for a while. I think he doesn’t want to totally loose the strong connection we do have. I want him to want to change and want to try for me more than anything in this world. How do I get him to see what he lost and make him realize he wants/needs me in his life?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 7:26 pm

      Hi Shelby, so the way to hopefully get your ex to realise he made a mistake walking away from you is to work on yourself to be the best version of yourself. What we call becoming Ungettable there are articles on this website and videos explaining this process. So make sure that you are doing this while also completing a full 30 day No Contact

  4. Avatar

    Aditi

    April 29, 2020 at 9:01 am

    Actually we were together 5 years but he cheated on me last year it was a long distance relationship but i forgive him but then he was frustrated because of fights and then ended it as an abusive relationship from last 2 years i have been far away from him even if its his fault i have gone to him to say srry so he took me as granted and yeah he never told me he never shared thishe was so frustrated but in the end all blame to me

  5. Avatar

    GiGi

    April 17, 2020 at 5:46 am

    I don’t know what will happen in my case. I have done no contact for two months. Mine just flat out ghosted me. But I’m feeling good so far. Many new accomplishments with my schooling has been going on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 17, 2020 at 3:03 pm

      Well done Gigi keep going 🙂

  6. Avatar

    Me shana

    April 9, 2020 at 7:19 am

    We broke up because of the long distance he lives in another country but did his university’s years in my country so that’s how i got to meet him. We stayed together for almost a year. We both were very respectful and loyal to eachother. But the thing is i was showing way more effort and doing small things to remind him that i love him and he means a lot to me. For ex i used to get him meaningful gifts,letters,romantic nights. And he never did the same, he’s very closed to himself but still he could have made some efforts. Now making him regret taking me for granted while being far away is hard i don’t know what to do!! We broke up like 2months ago and honestly i stayed in contact with him and showed him that i was sad because of our situation (long distance).i felt like maybe he didn’t even care about me at all. I really don’t know what to do i love him he’s a great guy but i believe that he doesn’t know my worth!

  7. Avatar

    Daphne

    April 9, 2020 at 2:45 am

    It’s a long distance relationship…. My boyfriend tend to be too busy for me and stuff he calls once in three weeks and stuff … Anytime I call he talks like his tired…. He Neva texts me… Niwauhe snubs my text … He takes me for granted I support him financially he doesn’t appreciate my efforts… I broke up with him due to anger and I begged him BK cause I didn’t mean to… He came BK…. And started acting all strange he told his friend he didn’t know when he came BK or why he came back to me… I called to check up on him he didn’t pick my calls…. And it’s been a month he hasn’t called… Am trying to move on because it’s like he is tired already…. I love him a lot … Buh I want him to regret treating me like I don’t matter

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 10:00 pm

      Hi Daphne the most important thing is stop being financially supportive! NOW. He has clearly been disrespectful ignoring your calls etc. Stop providing for as if you are a parent to him. Let him stand on his own two feet. Complete a 45 day NC and work on yourself in that time, especially your self esteem

  8. Avatar

    Sophie Humphries

    April 6, 2020 at 2:27 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years in August. I felt unloved and like he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t put up a fight. I implemented no contact for one month and then went round to visit him. He told me he had a new girlfriend at work.

    I then implemented indefinite no contact. After 3 months, I started to receive calls from him. He said he was sorry and I deserved so much better.

    I explained I felt that I had also taken him for granted and that I would like to meet up to discuss trying again. We have met up various times and he says he misses me but he still hasn’t left the new girlfriend. He says it is complicated because they work together.

    What is the best step going forward. I don’t want to cut contact because I would be open to reconciling in the future. However, because he still has contact, I wonder if he is trying to have his cake and eat it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 13, 2020 at 8:45 am

      Hi Sophie it does sound as if he is “keeping you there” and is too scared to end things with the new girlfriend for now. But I would suggest that you decide if this is the type of person you want to be with in the sense that he is emotionally cheating (telling you he loves you while with someone else). If you decide you do want to get him back then you need to read about the being there method, making sure you contact him when you know the girlfriend is going to know about you being back in your exes life

  9. Avatar

    maddy

    March 30, 2020 at 10:14 am

    My boyfriend and I’s breakup was very sudden, but expected. We had been dating for a year and a half, and the first year was perfect. We actually talked multiple times about our lack of qualms, and how if something did come up, we’d always talk through it. 10 months in, we had just finished our first year of medical school, and exams were quite rough for him. He said he needed to manage his time differently, and I respected that. I suddenly became less of a priority, and that was ok. However, I soon came to realise that I was putting in most, if not all the effort in the relationship. It got to the point where if I didn’t message him, or ask to see him, we’d see/talk to each other once every two weeks. Significant events, such as not asking to see me after not having been in the same country for a month, and not doing anything for our first anniversary really upset me, and I brought it up with him multiple times. I told him I did not feel loved or appreciated, and he tried to make more of an effort by messaging me more and seeing me after studying. The last straw was when I experienced a traumatic event, and him being the only person who knew, didn’t even as me how I was the next day, let alone asking to see me. I got incredibly angry with him over text, and he ended up dumping me because he didn’t want to hurt me anymore. We had a conversation the next day and left it on a hopeful note. We were going to take a break until he figured stuff out. Due to the pandemic, I’ve had to leave the country and go back home, as it’s safer there. We started talking when this was happening, as it felt normal. A few days ago, I realised how I was still letting myself be taken for granted, when I’d message him to ask how he was during lockdown, etc. I cut off full contact and essentially said that a break would not work, and we were over. He left me on read. I regret what I said. We are most probably not going to be in the same country for at least 6 months, and I don’t plan to contact him until then. He told me he knows he took me for granted, and that I couldn’t have been a better girlfriend. He didn’t deserve me, and I deserved better. I still love him deeply, and think there’s a possibility for us to start again, though I think I messed it up even though I wasn’t the one who made mistakes. I don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 8, 2020 at 11:59 am

      Hey Maddy what I suggest if you are unsure what you want to do is to stick to the No Contact rules until you are sure that you do or do not want them in your lives. Either as a friend or as a partner. If you chose you do not want them back then you stick with a indefinite NC and leave him be. If after 30 days you don’t think you want them back then keep going. IF you do then start the texting phase. Working through the Holy Trinity information is going to help you make those decisions

  10. Avatar

    Camila

    March 26, 2020 at 3:59 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me last weekend, and I’m confused. Everything was fine, but with a week of trying to do long distance, he told me he didn’t feel the same as before, which didn’t motivate him enough to put effort into the relationship and trying to make it work during long distance. We broke up once before, and within a week he told me he wanted to try again, as he realized that he missed me and really wanted to be with me. After we broke up this time around, I feel confused. I miss him so much, but I don’t miss how our relationship took a turn in the last week; it was a very low point for me. I’m not going to see him for a few months, and I’m scared I’ll move on during this time and when I see him again all of those feelings will end up coming back. I obviously want to become close to him again because before dating we were best friends but I don’t know how long should I be in this so called “No contact” time period. I honestly don’t know whether or not I want him back, but I don’t know how one figures these types of things out. I know time heals everything, but right now with the world situations we are currently facing, I can’t really distract myself at home. I mostly think about him and those times we had together, and every night I feel a strong urge to call him just to hear his voice. I need advice because I’m feeling stuck. I don’t know what to do 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 5, 2020 at 12:20 pm

      Hi Camila, so this “no contact” is where you take some time for yourself and you can then decide at the end of your 30 days No contact if you want to get back with him or not, if you do not want him back then you just keep on with your NC and focus on moving on and getting over the break up

  11. Avatar

    Rachel Doliska

    March 8, 2020 at 3:51 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me on Valentines Day at 2am drinking with some friends hes never really hung out with. He blamed everything on me and told me he lost hope in me. It was only last Sunday where I had to block him because he kept bringing things up and said he found someone better then me. I was always there for him. Through his potential “baby scare” from a women before me, to colds. When he was sad i would bring him his favourite snacks and just be there for him. However, when i needed him he wasnt there. When i was focused on school (and not giving him my full undivided attention) he would get angry. And that is why he broke it off. Yet he contacted me up until i week ago. Ive been pretty heartbroken but ive been working on self-care ( getting my hair done, doing yoga and walking my dogs every day). I know i can move on without him however I still love him and I know if we communicate our problems and work together we could fix it. He said he still loved me but had no reason on why he didnt want to work it out.

  12. Avatar

    Just me

    March 4, 2020 at 12:03 am

    I had been dating a guy from work. Obviously we had to keep our “relationship” secretive, which created more tension (in a great way) between us. I was planning on leaving for another position with a different company and expressed my concern that because I was no longer going to be a part of his everyday life and being able to see each other the way we would, scared me. Needless to say I have since left and feel like I was right and slowly he is forgetting me. The calls have dropped and the morning texts have ceased. I did bring it up to him when we did talk that I feel neglected and pushed away as if there is no longer interest in me. His response was “not at all, I’m not trying to avoid you, I’m not trying to push you away, I’m just super busy with work and his kids etc… which I understand but he’s not making me any type of priority in his life. So I texted him basically a goodbye text saying that he means a lot to me, I wish him the best, and that I am his biggest advocate for him to continue doing what he needs to do and I’m not going to stand in his way, and ended it with take care handsome.” His response was “I don’t even know how to respond to that, what did I do?” Not thinking clearly through the tears and pain that I just sent that text, I broke down and told him that he never makes time for me, i feel neglected and not important. Blah blah blah and still ended it on a positive note that I just want him to be happy. So I removed myself from the relationship. I regret letting him go but I don’t want to be a “When it’s convenient For him” girlfriend. I have not talked to him for 4 days as of today and getting the anxiety of whether or not I even mattered to him. We were together for 9 months. His birthday is coming up in 2 weeks. So with the 4 days in to NC and going 2 weeks more, can I use his birthday as my initial contact day to just reach out with a simple happy birthday? Nothing more and kind of start that push pull theory, being the ungettable girl? Not to play a game but to reestablish our communication and not have him on a pedistle and priority mentality as I did? I realize I came on strong I was a little clingy toward the end of things because of my anxiety of thinking he’s going to forget me, while not realizing I was making him pull away. I just want to show him the real me and let him see I AM THE COOL CALM COLLECTED And VALUABLE woman he first met and fell in love with.

    Being that I broke things off, how do I go about getting him back? I read all types of articles about the process of getting your ex back when you are the one being dumped but not when your the one who did the dumping.

    Beautifully broken

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 11:38 pm

      Hey there so the process of getting an ex back when you ended the relationship – is the same as if your ex was the one to end things. You start with a No Contact to give you both some space. Let your emotions settle down and give your ex time to miss you. You need to spend your NC assessing if the relationship is going to work if nothing has changed between you both. It broke down for a reason. What are the chances of that reason being the cause of another break up? The No Contact is also going to give you ex some time to think if they did not make time for you – they will if they want to be in a relationship with you. Read the Ungettable posts and use that information to apply to your life too

  13. Avatar

    Amy

    March 1, 2020 at 11:05 am

    Hey,

    My ex and I broke up (Out of the blue) a month ago after a year and a bit of dating. The reasons he gave for ending things were that I was more invested in the relationship and he didn’t see a future with me anymore, this is true as he never appreciated me. I also definitely lost myself quite a bit in the relationship so accept my role in the breakup. He definitely did love me though and I know it’s not been easy for him since. I met him 2 days after the breakup to give him back his things and since then have been in no contact. However we go to school together and are in the same friendship group. I have managed to avoid physically talking to him (he is avoiding me also) but I still see him everyday. A mutual friend told me he is broken up by the whole thing. However, I am doing well and enjoying my single time. He texted me during NC to ask to meet for drinks and I replied (not replying is too much of a game to me) saying I needed more time and space and that I would let him know when I was ready to talk. Since NC ended (a few days ago) we have arranged to meet however I’m unsure how to act – I’m worried he will try to friend zone me. We’ve never been good at texting/phone calling so that is not an option for building rapport. I definitely do not want to be in the same relationship where he doesn’t appreciate me but I love him a lot and I know we work very well in the moments he does make the effort.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 9:22 am

      Hi Amy, so ideally you would have been texting for a couple of weeks before moving on to phone calls and then meet ups. Just to work up the value chain. But as you have arranged a meet up you just need to make sure that you do not stay too long, that you flirt a little but not too much and do not mention the relationship, the break up, or ask if they have met someone else. Keep it casual and short for the first meet up. Do not meet up in hope that you are going to get back together as this is setting you up for an emotional time

  14. Avatar

    Lish

    February 22, 2020 at 1:43 pm

    My baby daddy ghosted me for 4 months after he did that WhatsApp me back to say how he wants to fix things and he was rng etc right after I agreed to the re union he went cold turkey after numours attempts to get a response from him he then told me we are still over of which this was never communicated I asked then asked him does he want to or is there still a chance to fix us he advised will tlk some ather time ….Im not going to lie I love this guy with my whole being and there’s no 1 I want ather then him this is the second week iv just stopped texting and calling him it sucks I dnt even know if we stand a chance or not his just not contacting me and my kid is missing his dad …iv Even been thinking of killing my self I can’t live without him it’s hard

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 10:24 pm

      Hey Lish I am not doubting that you love this guy but think about what is going to be best for your child. If you have reached a point where your mental health is being affected you need to seek help so that you and your child have a better quality of life and you take care of your baby.

  15. Avatar

    Yash

    January 18, 2020 at 7:23 am

    So my ex boyfriend and I have been in each others lives for the past 4 years. It has been a rollercoaster. Its like on and off. He was the one that broke up with me first. and its been off and on since. I love this guy so much. And he and his family know that I’m a good girl and they all like me for him. But he is always being off and on with me. at the beginning of the year he tells me he has matured and wants to start off this relationship positively and take it to the next level. I was really happy when he said that. He also said he likes this version of me, the chilled version. A few days later we met and we did get a bit physical. but afterwards he had asked me what i want from the relationship this year and i said to be more serious. and he said he wants it to be chilled and he wants to consider me a close friend. When he said that i started pulling myself away. And i said he shouldn’t be getting physical. A few days after that he takes a girl for lunch and takes pictures with her. My heart broke when i saw this. I asked him about it and he said its a friend. Irrespective of the picture i knew i needed to stand up for myself and tell him how i feel about the situations and that he takes me for granted and plays with my feelings. He tells me he is emotionally detached. Which i don’t get because why would you say you want a relationship with me at the beginning of the year. I told him he is manipulating me and that i don’t appreciate these games. i told him that even though i love him so much i can walk away unhappy if i have to. He then told me i must do what i have to and he will do the same. Later that night i saw that he put the same picture of that girl as his status which broke my heart even more. I do so much for him and he doesn’t appreciate me. I decided to remove him from snapchat and delete him from WhatsApp just to show he is losing me. I still have him on instagram though. I love him a lot and i do want him back. What should i do? I have already started no contact since last night. And i am going to try and be a more better version of myself but I need some advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 10:33 pm

      Hi Yash, I am sorry you’re going through this it is so tough! But I am glad you are willing to do the work to become a better version of yourself, make sure you make a list of all the things you want to achieve in your life to do this. Have a read of this article about the Ungettable Girl and use this to help you along the way! https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-ungettable-girl/

  16. Avatar

    Thabang

    January 2, 2020 at 10:10 pm

    Hey I’m in so much stress was dating a guy 4 9years we leave on the same neighbourhood, we met on social media called ego way back 2010, we were good until I tried 2 cheat on 2012 bt stil my heart was with him he forgave me n we continued with our relationship everything as ok became serious tried 2 get pregnant nothing happened bt we became hopeful dat 1day God wil answer us ,anyhow 2018 problems started he became distant towards me I fought hard 4 him tried everything he just could not talk n say what’s bothering him parents intervene he ws cold n den 1day he decided 2 tel me dat he thought he ws ok dat he gets reminded by de fact dat i hurt him 2012 he can’t 4give me he has anger that I cheated ,he ignored my calls stopped touching me intimate with me4 few months n he slept with me but if I ask wen he done we would dress up n say I wana sleep early n Chase me indirectly, it hurt but cause i love hi kept pushing n pushing stil almost a year we never fixed anything he ws cold as ever 2019 Dec 25 asked 2 c him he like nah wil talk n I send him a message saying ok its fine I get de message u dn’t have 2 c me il stay home hs felt bad said come I went poor me n we were ok until I had 2 go bk home I’m like why u don’t give me closure n say u no longer want me he relied by saying can we please stop talking about relationships its x smas dn’t stress me ok kept quiet n den I start ok y u no longer touch me m asking 4 sex huh he refused n said i can’t my doctor says I must not b intimate 4 7 days plus I am suffering from blood circulation problem. I cried hard hs like go home wen u do call me oh before I could enter my place tried 2 call hs phone says line busy dat day almost fainted .i try n try until he picks up oh lies lies he like sum dude as telling me abt a girl we work with got hit n run by a vehicle.he became rude, ignored me had excuses not 2 c me.i thought we would fix things between us.1st of Jan 2020 told myself I mst let go m being punished 4 my mistake felt like revenge he Is alwys on facebook, girls call him while I’m de. So keptquiet he calls me nw n says hs checking if m ok.i don’t know answering his calls Is best after bad treatment from him I feel his cheating trying 2 keep me as his standby .i wana heal n try 2 move on its hard cause i still love him .i Dd everything bought hs attention with gifts m a female bt its like m his boyfriend. Why do I allow him 2 mistreat me is love ds painful do I deserve ds cause i made a mistake 2012.m matured nw wanted a real commitment from him.i wana accept us gone n move on seem confused .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 1:19 am

      Hey there if you want your ex back then you need to start by following a No Contact period where you give your ex a break. Allowing this space is going to give your ex a chance to miss you and think about you in a more positive light

  17. Avatar

    Pam

    December 1, 2019 at 5:54 pm

    Hi, I have a very hard situation with my ex of 7 yrs. We had already broken up in those 7 yrs. Then got back together. I moved in with his parents and of course what so weird to me but I managed to be happy. Of course not everything was perfect the no privacy thing was getting to me. The no independence as well.. we had a an argument and he basically told me if I wanted to go I could go..I begged and tried to reconnect with him..I told him I loved him. He was so cold and harsh i was heartbroken. The last straw was when he told me I could take my time to move out..I left that night when he was at work I was heartbroken didnt have anywhere to go.. I know I shouldn’t have left like that but I didbt have any option. I did 2 mths NC I reached out to him after 2 mths..he was mean and wasnt ready to talk.. then I went nc again and he reached out to get his things back. (We had a storage).. I agreed.. we ended up tal9for like 2 hrs not about breakup but life in general. After that things got better we were talking more… we started to hook up..bad idea but I wanted to spend time with him.. after a while he would be mean to me when he would get drunk and say to not ever come back…. on a course of 1 1/2 yrs has been a rollercoaster..I feel like I’ve been trying to make things work to hang out I’ve been more patient also been working on my self but he says I’m happier with out him that he wasnt enough…. and last night I found out he is seeing a girl which he is denying about and cancelled our plan to go out with her..I was hurt I decide to confront him about it and he lied a out dating anyone and that he was alone that day..I stayed calmed… and said i would let him be if that was the case i know hes lying but he also turned it around to me saying that all this time has passed and that I haven’t made an effort! Idk what to do we are friendly now but I cant trust him I know we r not together at the moment but he knows I still love him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 8:10 pm

      Hey Pam so I suggest you go back into a no contact and attempt to get him back following this program, that means no emotional texting no hooking up no relationship talk until you have been on at LEAST 3 romantic dates. Read through some articles and understand what it is you need to do to get him investing into you and want to spend time with you. The only thing I can say the more you argue with him or accuse him etc is going to damage your chances of getting him back.

  18. Avatar

    Brandj

    October 10, 2019 at 10:15 pm

    Me and my ex bf broke up 4 weeks ago. We have known each other for almost 2 years, dated for 10 months and lived together 10 months. He asked me to move states with him after he told me he loved me. (We did an on/off booty call thing before me not speaking to him for 5 months prior to reconnecting) We moved in together and were somewhat stressed with life, our careers and the fact we were living on top of eachother during a house remodel. It was stressful but we loved eachother deeply. I started to realize he was immature emotionally. I had to ask him to prioritize me and ask him to care about my interests. It didn’t come naturally and I blame that on his bachelor lifestyle. I’m 23 and he is 25. One day we had an argument stemming from me not feeling considered and important to him. He broke up with me and moved me back home across another state not even 3 days later. He said his reason initially was that he just thought we were too different and didn’t see us making the distance. He didn’t see himself marrying me. Then it later changed to “it’s not you it’s me” and that he just found himself wanting to be alone, he wanted to be by himself. He said maybe my exes weren’t the problem maybe I was. We cried and cried and held eachother while I packed. He said even last week he was still in love with me when he visited this state to see friends but that with time I would understand and love him differently. We had a great relationship. He said it was the best he has ever had and that he was happy but he’s sticking with his decision bc he doesn’t think we would work. We didn’t really fight except when I felt he was being selfish, maybe 4 “large” fights our whole relationship. Our connection was amazing, we were bestfriends. He was so nice after the breakup but eventually got fed up about talking about us.. we didn’t speak for 4 days and then tried to be friendly… that too didn’t work. I have made mistakes since the breakup.. crying and begging. Today I told him I didn’t see him like that anymore and that he was knocked off his pedestal bc I found out that he was talking to other girls. I told him I deserved better than that and I didn’t want anyone in my life who didn’t want to be there. That was the last thing I said to him. I love him unconditionally unfortunately and still want him. I’m worried that my actions post break up and his indecisiveness/not knowing what to say damaged our chances of getting back together. I’m starting no contact now but I didn’t know if I should apologize for my last text before hand to end on a good note.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 12, 2019 at 8:56 am

      Hi Brandj Dont apologise if he was texting other women in a flirtatious way when you were together and you are not happy with that because you need to prove that you find that behavior unacceptable. Stick with your Nc and dont break it, when you reach out after your NC you need to do so as a friend and set the boundaries where you expect them to be regarding to friends with benefits etc. Dont sleep with him unless you are back together again.

  19. Avatar

    Midstorm

    September 18, 2019 at 4:21 pm

    Hello,
    I’ve been in a long distance relationship. My ex was a colleague/friend I met at work while we were consulting. It was time for me to travel back home and for him as well at some point just when we got really serious about each other. We didn’t have enough time to spend with each other as a couple for the next 2 months until we met again through work. We made it work long distance till then and fought too many times and like other couples broke up and patched up. He’d ghost me for 2-4 days initially if he didn’t like something I said or something I did. Apparently he never had a girlfriend before and was only with a woman for the physical satisfaction. We did not have sex until we met again after the 2 months of being away from each other. We met again and got some time to spend with each other during work and outside of work for about 3 weeks until it was time to travel back to our respective homes. We live 2 states apart. After the 3 weeks I spent with him there have been numerous fights and we’d patch up. But lately I feel a disconnect with him on all levels. I long him too much. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. He stopped texting often like he used to. He stopped calling me. It turned to one call a day when he felt like calling. Some days I had to force him to call me only so that I could see his face and hear his voice. I’ve tried approaching this topic over and over again and he says he isn’t sure of how he feels. Long distance and time is making it all fade. When you love someone how can it fade? I convinced him to come see me or me to go see him once a month but he keeps giving excuses that his family at home needs him (parents and sibling). That they are dependent on him which I honestly at some point was empathetic to but later it started to feel like he was making an excuse to not come see me. Finally he had one opportunity where he could come see me next month and he tells me I’m not sure. If I should come or no. I don’t know how I feel and l I’ll know that when I see you. That hurt me the most. I gave my everything to this man. He made me dream of a future with him for the longest time I remember. When we broke up hed come back to me in 3 days or 4 days. When I blocked him he’d text me from weird internet numbers to hey my attention and to get me talking to him and the same old story repeats again where he toys with my feelings and takes me for granted and doesn’t care that he’s hurting me or it didn’t even make a difference anymore if I cry. There used to be a time when he couldn’t see me cry and now when he sees me cry about this he tells me he feels guilty because we talk the same thing everyday she There’s no conclusion. Even as I am writing this to you we aren’t in talking. We spoke about this 2 days ago and He told me he will come see me and try to give it another shot and be the person I met when I first confessed my love for him. But after that I’ve not received any calls or texts from him and somewhere I know he probably won’t come.i really love this guy and he’s not bad. Maybe he’s got some issues. I don’t know. Long distance makes the impact worse. He’s been taking me for granted and coming in and out of my life as he pleases telling me rosy things to get back with me before he treats me like I don’t mean anything and takes me for granted again. I hope you give me some genuine good advice of how I can for real have his love and attention for good and not repeat and get into the same cycle again. He claims to love me and has been saying this for the longest time but lately has been so distant and far. Please help. I hope I can have him back in my life but as the man I know he has the potential to be and not this confused person whose been toying with my feelings and is insensitive about it .

  20. Avatar

    Soniya

    September 14, 2019 at 5:57 am

    My ex and me was in relationship for 1 yr 4 months but during last 2,3 months we were having problems in our relationship like always breakup patchup ..always he use to do breakup and I begged him for patchup…he use to always think always I made mistakes always I am the reason for breakup manier times it happens that we broke up because of her Best friend he use to talk about her in begining but when he realized I don’t like that he stopped talking to her but he use to take her side always like he use to say why you always abuse my friend…she has not done anything wrong to you ….and last time also we broke up because I just asked him that why did he lied to me that she is in his class but she is not she is in different class I got to know about that by my one friend who is in his college..I just asked him that why did he lied to me 1 month before that I only talk to her so I can’t block her because I want notes and all stuffs which she gives me and then I came to know that she is not in her class I begged him so much to patchup but he got angry as I involved his friends for help which led to get him more angrier as his friends taken my side that she is right she loves u so much she did so many things for you but he got angrier as they taken my side and not his and know he says I don’t want to be with you I want to move on you also please move on

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